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lcec0ldheart · 1 month

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Random OC stuff of the day #3: New OC! Enter Crimson Starius! And some backstory!

So, I missed two days. This is supposed to be a daily thing. But it was my sister’s birthday on the 20th, and we celebrated it until halfway through the 21st, so I was dead tired. I’ll try to post two oc stuff in one day at some point to recover lost time, but i am excusing myself once bc it was my sister’s birthday lol. Have a BIG post to make up for this? Its pretty late but i got forced to cook not my fault

Anyways, new OC! I know it’s really soon but oh well fkrlgkrjejjrjd

I suddenly got the idea (for what he looks like, Violet having a brother has been in the back of my mind for a while even before her redesign) while doodling stuff, and so I made a quick scribble of him before actually drawing him at school. Surprisingly enough, I was able to start and finish him. Here is Crimson!

Crimson is an 11 year old kid, the younger brother of Violet! The “Sun” to Violet’s “Moon”!

A charismatic, chaotic, fun and bold kid that wants to enjoy himself and make some friends. He’s quite clever, cunning, funny, and is perceptive and likes to share with people. Also very creative and a bit crazy, he’s interesting to be around.

Although he tries not to show it, he’s also pretty emotional, and he’s a bit self conscious of what others think, wanting some attention. Despite this, he’s still a fun, nice and sweet kid who makes mistakes at times. Can be read as selfish, but it’s usually by accident and he’ll do something to make up for it. Shy around new people but that doesnt last long

Somewhat hyperactive and struggles to sit still, and gets bored easily, but he’s really good at being entertaining and enjoyable. He’ll try crazy ideas even if he’s been told it wont end well, and he’s relatively confident in himself, but still wants some validation. He’ll invite a friend to whatever he’s doing, as he wants to make sure they’re enjoying themself too. More relaxed, and kinda goofy.

He draws pretty well for his age (Certainly better than I did LOL), learning how to draw with Violet’s help. A good leader, and smart for his age, notable when he’s around other kids. Relatively mature and knows the most unexpected things (He and Violet share weird fun facts with each other. Sometimes, my irl brother will tell me something he shouldn’t have learned until high school. He’s a great kid, but he scares me sometimes…)

Since he’s so young, he doesn’t really fight (thank goodness although he’s weirdly strong for his age and tall…), but he likes playing with fire, and unfortunately Violet can’t really discourage him due to him being fire immune somehow. I guess he had to pick up some kind of weird trait from her, lol. If he had to use a weapon though, 100% would be a hammer. My IRL brother is having so much fun with the inflated comically oversized one we have.

(Hey guys, it’s Crimson IRL!)

Crimson and Violet’s sibling dynamic is pretty interesting to me. Due to how he and Violet was left on her own without parents when she was 13 (About a year and half has passed since that happened), they’re very close, sticking together no matter what happens. Sometimes they talk like friends the same age bantering with each other (No joke my brother is crazy smart 75% of the time we talk to each other like we’re twins, and he’s NINE), other times they have a younger brother-older sister dynamic, but Violet’s the one that’s been taking care of him. No idea how she manages to get through it all, but she’s the one who makes sure he’s fed, clothed, has somewhere to sleep, making sure he’s happy, helping him whenever he needs it, and is cared for. Give Violet a “sister of the year” award because MAN i couldn’t imagine managing that at 13 no less

Fortunately, eventually the two get some sort of support system (With Violet getting some friends MAYBE found family…) and they have their older (I’ll introduce her eventually but i haven’t introduced her yet. Maybe i will for lesbian visibility week though) cousin, who is sadly pretty far away and busy, but still tries to help, being the one to buy their living space and giving Violet quite a bit of money to make sure the two can live on their own without having to work or worry. Also gives her advice.

As for how they’re managing to live on their own, they’re doing fine. Because of the fact they’re on their own, they’ve adjusted their living to what fits them best. It’s not all that bad. Still stressful for Violet though

Crimson usually attends online live classes on his laptop (They both have laptops they use for personal and school reasons), and he’s actually taking advanced classes, doing quite well in school. (He still needs to pay more attention sometimes though.) Sometimes he needs help, but he knows what to do for the most part, and if not he’ll ask Violet at some point during the day.

Violet does her school work remotely, not on live classes, but that allows her to go however fast she wants to on her school courses. It also lets her manage her own schedule which is good because the only thing holding her back as a kid in school was having to follow everyone else’s schedule.

Her sleep schedule is naturally fucked up (I swear she’s like some sort of nocturnal creature lmao) and was a bit of an issue when she couldn’t get to sleep all night and got sleepy while in class. But since online courses don’t have that problem, she can sleep whenever the hell she wants! Which is why she’s usually sleeping when other kids are in school lol. Crimson is normal (ish) in the case that he wakes up at the crack of dawn, so usually around 6 AM. Violet is quite book smart. Due to her being able to do assignments wherever and whenever she wants (assuming she meets deadlines), she is zooming through highschool. I imagine the story with Frost, Pyrite and Violet would take place around the summer, so after that she’d be starting courses most people wouldn’t get to until junior year, despite only being 14 and half. 2 grades ahead basically

You’d think that one of them being awake half the time the other is asleep would cause problems, but for the most part it doesn’t. They still eat at least 2 meals a day at the same time, just that for one of them it’s breakfast and for the other its dinner lol. Usually when Violet makes her own lunch (which she has at like 12 am lmao) she’ll have a second plate made, and put it in the fridge to leave for Crimson when he’ll have his own lunch since she’ll be asleep at the time. Though Crimson is learning how to cook too, as he wants to make his own food as well, so that won’t be necessary soon!

While Violet and Crimson don’t judge each other much, they still think some of the things the other does is weird. Like Crimson sometimes goes on rambles and rants talking to himself or the wall about practically anything. It’s like he’s a chronically recording youtuber. Violet isn’t really bothered by this, she just finds it entertaining and kinda funny, and talks back if she has something to add. Crimson also tends to pace around the room a lot. He fidgets if he’s sitting in place, and gets kinda restless assuming he’s not being stimulated in some way, so usually if she sees him doing that she’ll find something for him to fidget with (He might just go find like a wrench to twist himself) but she doesnt think its weird or anything

Crimson might ask Violet a question if he sees her doing something not normal (Like using her telekinesis), but assuming she answers he’ll just take it and be like “Oh cool” and maybe ask her to participate in one of his schemes if her powers end up being useful for it. He thinks the purple markings and nails and glowy eyes is normal bc Violet is his standard for what a person should look like LOL (This is why he doesn’t ask why it’s so difficult for her to sleep like a normal person, or why she’ll manage to infodump about something for hours, or how sounds seem louder to her, or why she gets fixated on specific things, because she’s the person he knows the most, so it feels normal to him. and even if he knows otherwise he doesn’t mind)

Overall, they’re very close, and kinda learned how to socialize by talking to each other lol thats why both of them aren’t too good at talking to normal people. The two will stick together and support each other no matter what. Sometimes they have issues or bicker, but they geninuely love each other (Crimson doesn't say it as much but he ends up conveying that by his actions.) I call them the Sun and Moon duo!

Uh I don’t know what else to put here, but that’s another ramble from me that got super off topic lol. Goodnight guys, hope your day is going well, yuh

#Disaster Trio Daily #Except its not really about the trio and more so a new oc and Violet LOL #Crimson Starius #Violet Starius #Woah this is long and got super offtopic #But here we are ig #anyways i am eepy and tired goodnight guys lol #if my brother gets social media (hopefully not anytime soon) give him some appreciation he’s an awesome kid #or else /j would be nice tho #Guess who I based the sibling relationship of?? ME AND MY BROOO #im normal #and yes #crimson is implied to have adhd #same with violet having autism #neurodivergent siblings gang unite🎉

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darkenedreaper · 4 years

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You Gave Up

Requested by @ecruzsalaz hope you enjoy

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader, ft Bruce Banner

Warnings: angst, lil fluff

You and Natasha had been together for a long time now. And instead of getting married, which would come after, you both wanted to try for a baby. The two of you had a conversation about having a child and Natasha was excited. You both knew it wasn’t right to get your hopes up however when the morning came you both shot off to Tony’s lab.

Due to Natashas background and her being sterilised it was clear who would be carrying and you didn’t have a problem with that. Tony had suggested IVF first and with the embarrassing help of his robots, within a few days you were ready for the implantation. Tony was standing by your head and Natasha was by your side holding your hand. You felt your cheeks burning bright red from the robot controlling its movements and doing its job. A slight fraction of the embarrassment went away when Natasha stroked your cheek softly and kissed your forehead. Tony made sure his robot double checked everything was in place and he sent you two of wishing you the best of luck for the next couple of days.

After those couple of days you and Natasha were close together nearly 24/7 and the day came. Natasha didn’t want to pressure you so she went to the compounds living room to hand out with the rest. And you were in the bathroom now waiting for the pregnant test results to come through. For the first 30 seconds you saw nothing and then 1 line appeared. You sighed and you couldn’t nearly feel the tear threatening to slip out. You had to work up the courage to go out and speak to Natasha and Tony. She saw you come in and she took in your slumped figure and saddened eyes. She didn’t need you to tell her what the test said as she already knew what the answer was. She frowned sadly and gave you a small hug. One that seemed a little short for a couple who had just failed to get pregnant. She left. Just left. Even Bucky gave you a longer hug.

Some days on and you hadn’t heard from Natasha. You hadn’t seen her around the compound or around the gym. Fury had called you in and he told you that he knew what had happened with you and Natasha. He told you to take 2 weeks off as he tried to understand how much stress your body must be going through. He really did have a sweet side. It really hurt knowing that Natasha was avoiding you and it hurt even more when every time you’d ask someone where she was they’d respond back, ‘with Bruce’. You had tried to reach her but your calls and messages to her phone weren’t working anymore.

It was finally time to check your pregnancy test. Tony had tried to help you and this was his 7th attempt at helping. He was grateful you allowed him to concur to help as he would do anything for you. He understood the joy and want of having a child and the beautiful bond it creates. Tony had suggested that tonight you don’t get your hopes up again as after you had found out Natasha and Bruce had a relationship together you had gone down, really down. And Tony thought that it would affect the eggs. Yes he still had some of her and her DNA and he confused to use it for scientific reasons apparently. And now the test read positive. You were pregnant with Natashas baby. And now she was with Bruce and hadn’t seen or spoke to you in 4 months. It was late at night and so you didn’t wait any longer to leave. You started packing your bags. You decided to send an email on your way to another country saying to fury you’ve just gone. You had the decency to also leave Tony a message. Not saying you were pregnant. But that you left and not to tell anyone.

The next morning, Tony being Tony, he opened his mouth and actually shouted it “Y/N IS GONE! SHE’S GONE!” And it was like Natasha had snapped out of a trance and she panicked. She looked at Bruce who had his hand on her waist and shoved him away. Had you left her because she distanced herself? Had you left because she abandoned? Because she didn’t consider your feelings? Because she had gotten together with Bruce?

She was storming out of the room. To go find you. Until she felt a strong hand pulling her back and increasingly getting stronger. She looked around to see big brown eyes looking angry and sad.

“Leave her alone Natasha. It’s all your fault. Your why she left!” He kept blurting out things to her before Steve pulled him away as even he couldn’t look at Natasha and he was a gentleman.

You had moved at least 3 quarters away from where you were and had found a little flat that needed to be rented out. So you unpacked your things and you were ok within a few days. Not great, not good. But ok.

It was 9 months later and you had gone through what was close to hell on your own. The struggle to tie your own laces, the struggle to sleep at night. Odd cravings that you didn’t have stored in any kitchen cupboards. 12 hours of pain but something beautiful was rewarded to you. Once you were handed your baby girl, you too in her features. Her face nearly mirrored yours, your hair roots and brows. Except for those green eyes and the same nose as Natasha.

You had raised D/N Romanoff Y/N all on your own. She had grown up to be like you and opposite from her other non existent mother as she wasn’t involved and made no effort to find you. You had told her stories about her other mother and showed her photos. But would never reveal her location or why she wasn’t here.

Her 5th birthday had just gone and it was a few days after that you had Nick Fury and Maria sitting in your living room. Maria hadn’t changed. She was obviously happy to see you with her warm embrace as a greeting. Then she went and sat with your daughter. Fury just offered you a smirk which was the closest to a smile. You offered the same back and sat opposite him.

“What’re you doing here Nick?”

You knew there was no point in asking how on earth he found you. Instead he lowered his voice to match yours so you both wouldn’t alert your daughter.

“They, I. Need your help. She needs your help L/N, the mission is too big, we need more skill. Like you.”

You sighed and looked down to the floor. Then Nick just had to go and pull at your heartstrings.

“In a few years, the kid is gonna start asking questions about Daddy or Mommy. What’re you gonna say?”

You knew he was right. But you were fully aware of yourself who was not in the wrong. She abandoned you when you were lowest. But you still had the team. If it was necessary you’d do it for them.

“How long?”

You soon found yourself stepping off of the jet Maria and Fury had brought you back in. Y/D/N had woken up with her head on your shoulder so her arms were around your neck and legs around your side. You were led to the compound sitting room and the Avengers finally could see you after 6 years, you were coming back. Coming back with a 6 year old, they didn’t know. They all stood up when they heard footsteps coming in and once they saw you they all smiled. Tony was the first to walk over to you and before he hugged you he looked at your daughter then back at you, then at Natasha and said,

“I knew it!” And he wrapped his arms around the both of you. Natasha didn’t know what he was on about as she was standing at the back, hiding the guilt, shame and sadness which was all she felt for these years. She only moved to the front to see who the voice came from that squealed,

“Uncle Tony and Uncle Stevie and Uncle Bucky. And, and Uncle Clint! Auntie Wanda!” They were all ecstatic but that soon went away when Natasha called your name. She looked at you and the child in confusion, thinking you were married and had a child with somebody else. Thinking that she had lost you. Then she saw her eyes, her nose, her lips. And she saw her face, her hair. And it was a mixture of Natashas and your looks.

Y/D/N was quiet now and she stared at the figure before wanting to be put down.

“Momma Nat?” The little girl started to walk over but you quickly grabbed her hand and held her to your hip. Natasha visibly winced and before she could speak her eyes were teary.

The team started to empty now until it was you three. You whispered in your little girls ear telling her to go sit on the couch and watch the quiet television. Natasha watched the little one with every movement.

“Y/N.. I..-“

“Yeah Natasha she’s yours. That’s your 6 year old daughter.”

She was speechless and she wanted to go over and hold the girl, ask for her name. Apologise.

“Y/N please. Please. I’m sorry. I.. I know that means nothing to you after all this time. Having to go through that on your own, I.. I hate myself! I’m so so sorry Y/N.”

She had started to cry and you weren’t one to dismiss someone who was once so close to you. Even after all the hurt. You tucked her face in your shoulder so Y/D/N couldn’t see her tears.

“You abandoned me Natasha. You gave up. Left me to deal with so many failed pregnancies. You were happy with Bruce and every night I was praying that one procedure would work. And it did. And she’s yours. But you gave up.”

More sniffles as she just listened.

“I can’t deny you access to seeing your daughter, but I can deny you ever trying to break my heart again.”

“I won’t Y/N. I can’t say anything to make you feel better but I will try. I promise.”

You weren’t sure that you wanted to back to where you where. It would take a lot of healing and time. But you were sure of the happiness on Natashas face as she cradled her daughter in her arms softly calling her by her name.

@natasha-danvers @imnotasuperhero @aaron-despair @confusinggemini612 @thewidowsghost @ecruzsalaz @fcbarcelona-and-marvel-4-life @gaytrashgoblin @capmarvelq @nat-romanoffdanvers @lesbian-x-blackwidow @emilyprentisswife @captain-josslett @fayhar @oblivious-horny-lesbian @trikruismybitch @summergeezburr @username23345 @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

#natasha romanoff #Natasha Romanoff x reader #avengers #marvel #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x y/n #ask

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neptunetheplanet7 · 3 years

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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 - 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 2.0k

warnings: swearing, zeke

listen to the music masterlist

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Just as you were about to say something else to Mikasa, the doorbell rang, interrupting the moment. She let go of your hair and stood at her full height.

"Are you expecting anyone?" She asked.

"No, we're not." With confusion evident on your face, you got off the stool and lightly kicked it under the counter.

Your eyebrows knitted together as you made your way to the front door.

On the other side of the glass, you saw a blond bearded man struggling to hold around five suitcases. He noticed you reaching for the door handle and grinned widely.

"Surprise!" He shouted and dropped his luggage on the marble floor when the door was fully opened. He raised his arms and tried to hug you. Scowling, you evaded his embrace.

"Zeke, what the hell are you doing here?" Your grip on the door tightened with every word.

Zeke frowned. "Do I need a reason to visit my sister?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'm not your sister. And typically, yes, you would."

"Okay, well, you're like my sister." He paused to adjust his glasses. "Have you forgotten? Eren's twenty-second is coming up. There's so much to do!" His excited facade was transparent to you.

"You didn't care about his twenty-first. Or his twentieth, for that matter. What's the sudden interest in your brother's life?" You raised an eyebrow as he visibly grew nervous.

"Well, you see, uh-" He twiddled his thumbs and your eyes narrowed. "Here's the thing-"

"Spit it out, Zeke." Mikasa cut him off when she rounded the corner. She crossed her arms as she leaned against the staircase railing.

"Mikasa! I didn't know you were back!" Zeke made rapid hand gestures toward her, eager to change the subject.

"I didn't know you were back, either. At least I gave a warning," she uttered, earning an incredulous look from the blond.

"Zeke, why are you here?" you continued.

His eyes briefly shifted to a houseplant before training back on you. "What if I told you I'm not allowed in the state of Nebraska?" He gave you a meek smile and your jaw dropped.

Mikasa snorted. "What the hell did you do in Nebraska?"

"Nothing!" he assured. "It's just that I may or may not be several million dollars in debt and on the run from the police." He looked down at his muddy boots in shame.

"You're WHAT?" You gaped at him. You'd known Zeke long enough to have it figured out that he brought trouble wherever he went but he was usually careful enough not to get banned from a state.

"It's not as bad as you think! I just got into a little quarrel with some guys. Everything is fine. Just let me stay here for a while," he said sheepishly.

"I am not letting a fugitive stay in my home!" you exclaimed.

"I'm not a fugitive! There's no need to use terms like that!"

"You're banned from Nebraska! I'll call you whatever I want!"

"What's all the commotion about?" Eren was walking down the stairs when he saw his older brother at the door. His mouth dropped open and he gripped the railing beside him. "Zeke?!"

"Why didn't you tell me your brother was in town?" You glared up at him.

"Because I didn't know!" He started to flail his arms around while simultaneously trying to make sense of the situation.

"Hey, little brother. Can I sleep in your room?"

"No!"

"Zeke's not allowed in Nebraska," Mikasa informed.

"What?!" Eren clutched the railing with one hand and his head with the other whilst continuing his descent down the stairs. "What even is Nebraska?" he mumbled with wide eyes.

"Doesn't matter. I wanna know how he managed to be banned from it." You glowered at the man in front of you.

"Y/n, will you please let me inside? It's cold even in March, you know." Zeke pleaded and pretended to shiver.

You glanced back at Eren for a sign of his approval. The house was yours, but Zeke was his brother. It wasn't like this was the first time he needed to stay over, anyway. Unlike mere seconds before, he now held a serious expression. He nodded at you and beckoned for Zeke to follow him.

He heaved a relieved sigh and nearly tackled you with a hug. "Thank you so much, Y/n! You won't regret this, I promise."

It felt like your bones were being crushed by his weight as your face was pushed up against his jacket. He reeked of an old car. "Okay, get off me, old man!" Your voice was muffled as you tried to push him away. He backed up and brushed your shoulders off before grabbing his luggage and disappeared into the basement with his younger brother.

You sighed heavily and plopped down on the stairs. "He got mud all over my floors. I just cleaned them too." Your head fell into your hands as you stressed over Zeke's sudden arrival. As if there wasn't enough on your plate already.

Mikasa laughed quietly as she draped an arm around your shoulders and sat down beside you. The sudden contact made your ears burn red. "Any particular reason for cleaning?" she hinted teasingly.

You lifted your head as you apprehensively stammered out a poor explanation.

She laughed at you again and you couldn't help but wonder if it's always been that easy to make her laugh. You thought about it for a moment and concluded to yourself that it didn't matter what made her laugh, as long as you got to hear it.

A dreamy smile spread across your face as you watched how her newly short hair fell in front of her eyes when she laughed like that.

It seemed she noticed your thoughtful gaze because she tucked the hair behind her ear and peered down at you. "What are you looking at?" she whispered.

"You."

The sound of footsteps resounded from the stairs behind you. "Woah, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Jean smirked when he saw how close you and Mikasa were. He parted the two of you by removing Mikasa's arm so he could walk in between.

Your face grew red when you realized what you had said to her and it grew even redder when you noticed Mikasa had a similar amount of color dusting her cheeks.

"Heads up, I'm going to Marco's right now so if anyone asks that's where I'll be." He corrected the slight wrinkles in his new shirt and grabbed his keys from the key-hook.

Mikasa was quick to add to his words. "It's nice to see you and Marco are still going strong. I'm happy for you, Jean, really." She smiled up at him honestly.

Jean's tinted cheeks gave away his embarrassment. "Oh, thanks. Uh, I'm also really happy for, um, whatever you guys have going on." He grinned but quickly covered his mouth when he saw a look of distress flash across your face. "Uh, sorry, I have to go now. See you guys later." He mumbled another apology and turned sharply on his heel to make a mad dash at the front door.

Mikasa chuckled and shook her head. "He can be such a dork sometimes," she said when the door closed behind him.

"That's true," you admitted softly. You were a little displeased that she kept her arm in her lap instead of wrapping it around you again now that Jean had vanished.

"I take it Zeke's kept up with his habits since I've been gone?" she assumed.

An exasperated sigh left your lips. "He shows up at least once or twice a year wanting to stay. He always owes somebody money but, as far as I know, this is the first time he's been permanently banned from a state. I don't love letting criminals in my household but you know how Eren gets."

"I see. I do remember how angry he'd get with us when we wanted Zeke to leave," she recalled dejectedly.

"I just wish he wouldn't get his hopes up every time he asks to stay." You frowned and tapped your fingers against the wooden stair you sat on.

"I hope he can stay long enough for Eren's twenty-second. It'd be nice if he could spend his birthday with him."

"That can be arranged." You ran a shaky hand through your hair. "Will you be okay at a party for him?" you inquired timidly. Considering what happened the last time she was at a party, you felt the need to know if she'd be alright with going since Eren's birthday was rapidly approaching.

Mikasa was surprised by the question. "Of course I will be. Y/n, you know I'm over what happened. You don't have to worry about what I think. It's cute you care, though." She squeezed your shoulder gently and gave you a reassuring smile.

Before you could respond, she stood from her position next to you and started up the stairs. "I'm gonna get changed. I'll see you later."

When she was out of your sight, you gave a final weighted sigh. You had to figure out what you were going to do with Zeke. The feelings that came with Mikasa being home already clouded your mind, not to mention the stress of Hitch on your ass as well.

For Eren's sake, Zeke should stay for a little bit. Mikasa suggested he should leave once Eren's birthday passes and that made sense. However, that would mean he'd be living in your house for two weeks.

You groaned and leaned back. There was only one person who would know how to help. You spun around and scrambled up the creaky stairs.

Facing the office door, you opened it and watched Armin move hastily to turn off their monitor.

"What are you doing?" You raised an eyebrow and leaned on the doorframe.

"Important research." He swiveled the chair to face you and rested his arms in his lap.

"Yeah, right," you snickered. "Did you know Zeke is here?"

Armin nodded. "I overheard everything. It's not like you people are quiet."

"Okay, so what should I do about it?" Moving to sit on the couch, you placed your hands on the cushions under you.

They shrugged. "I don't know. What should you do about it?"

"Come on, Armin. I came in here because I need your help with this." You sent him a worried glance.

"Y/n, at the end of the day, this is your house. You decide who stays and who doesn't. If you want him here, let him stay. If you don't, kick him out."

He couldn't just ignore the obvious issue present. "But what about Eren?"

"What about him? Eren respects you more than he respects anyone else. He wouldn't want to do something if you weren't comfortable with it. The guy trusts you with his life." He spoke like the answer was so clear.

You pursed your lips and thought over what they said. "I don't want to hurt him, though."

He wore a compassionate smile. "None of us do, but the difference between us is that he would listen to you. So, with that said, how long will you let Zeke stay?"

You looked down at your hands and thought back to your conversation with Mikasa and about the conversation you just had with the man across from you. "He can stay until Eren's birthday party. When that's passed, he'll have to leave."

When you looked up, you noticed Armin was still smiling at you. "I knew you'd make a good decision."

"I always do, don't I?" You joked.

He snorted and adjusted his chair to face his computer again. "You wouldn't be able to without me."

You feigned offense and stood up. "You're too cruel."

"Sure I am. Now leave my office, peasant. I'm busy." He waved you away with a dramatic flair of his hand.

You scoffed. "I bet you don't have actual work to do and you're just being a freak on the internet, like usual."

He flipped you off. "If you don't leave I'll have to use brute force."

"Whatever, whatever, Armeen, don't be harsh." You sauntered out of the office before he could scold you about the nickname.

posted: 8/31/21

no edits, reposts, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

#aot fanfiction #band au #mikasa ackerman #mikasa x reader #mikasa x you #modern au #snk fanfiction #attack on titan

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zwritestuff · 3 years

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Crossing All The Lines (YueKi) - One-shot

A/N: I'm trying to dip my toes in the atla fandom, and I saw that it's yueki week! I wanted to contribute with the cause, so here's a fic combining today's prompts: modern au + song fic. The fic is loosely inspired by Girls like Girls, by Hayley Kiyoko, because i was obssesed with that song wayyyy before I came out as a lesbian. Hope yall like it! Pls do tell me if they feel ooc, I'm still quite new to writing atla. ( @yuekiweek )

Summary: Yue and Suki have been best friends since they were four, and over the years, they chose each other over everyone all over again.

[Also on AO3!]

***

For as long as they can remember, Suki and Yue have been best friends. They met through Sokka, Yue’s neighbor and son of one of her dad’s friends, when they were just four years old.

Suki was Sokka’s play-buddy thanks to their mothers, and one day, while they were having one of their usual playdates during the weekend, Arnook came knocking at the door, asking in a very hurried manner if they could watch over Yue while he went to the hospital. Kaya hadn’t asked, but she knew it had to do with Yue’s mother, so she rushed her into the living room where Sokka and Suki were playing.

“Suki, this is Yue, my best friend!” Sokka had said, excitedly waving his arms around and pulling Yue in for a hug. Yue, shy as she always was, had blushed before muttering a “nice to meet you.”

Suki, on the other hand, had stuck up her nose, folded her arms and pouted. “I thought I was your best friend!” She said, indignantly, and Sokka hurried to clarify that she was also her best friend. Suki laughed after a second, saying it was a joke, and greeted Yue with another hug. “Do you wanna play with my dolls? They’re warriors! Just like Kyoshi, you know Kyoshi? I never miss an episode of the Kyoshi Adventures!”

Yue nodded, not talking much at first, but once Suki started to tell her about the intricate plans the evil man, represented by Sokka’s action figure, had to take down the Kyoshi warriors, Yue became a lot more talkative, voicing her concerns for the dolls’ wellbeing.

Sokka complained about being left out, because playing with dolls was “a girls thing”, but ended up participating in their games when Suki offered him to do the voice of the hero that battles with the Kyoshi warriors.

And just like that, they became inseparable.

Their friend group had a few additions over the years, and of course they appreciated Aang’s dumb jokes that only made Katara laugh, Katara’s constant invitation to her swimming competitions, Toph’s tough love, and Zuko’s theater kid antics; but Yue and Suki always chose each other, no matter what the situation was.

Then they hit their teenage years, and Sokka asks Yue out on a date on a sunny day of Spring. Like a real date. A romantic one.

Yue says yes, and almost immediately after she crashes at Suki’s house and tells her about it. There’s silence for a long second, before Suki speaks.

“I mean, that’s great! But…”

“But?” Yue looks at her expectantly, leaning in ever so slightly.

They’re in Suki’s room, sitting under the window, and it’s starting to be warm enough for the heat to be just a notch unbearable. Or so Yue thinks.

Suki looks at her with a doubtful gaze. “Do you like Sokka? Or did you, y’know, just say yes to not make things awkward,” she asks softly, letting her hand fall on top of Yue’s.

That’s a question Yue wasn’t expecting, certainly; she thinks Sokka is cute, as everyone does, and she’s fond of him in many ways she can’t express with words, and she knows she loves him as a brother—but she hasn’t considered liking him in a romantic way until he asked her out.

So she just shrugs, “I don’t know,” she merely replies, and Suki cocks a brow, asking what she means. Yue shrugs again. “I think I could grow to like him.”

“But you don’t like him, now.” Is more of a statement than a question, but Suki adds the vocal fry nonetheless.

“Not in the way he wants me to, yet,” Yue insists, coming off a little too defensive.

There's an awkward silence hanging for a second too long, and Suki gives Yue's hand a squeeze.

“Just-- just don't hurt him, or yourself, okay?” Suki says, tentatively, carefully. And the emotion in her eyes is one Yue can't quite put a finger on.

Either way, Yue presses her forehead on Suki's shoulder, and brings her hand to her lips, leaving a soft kiss.

“I promise, Su.”

Suki looks away, and if Yue didn't know better, she'd say her cheeks have a slight pink color. Before she gets a wrong idea ingrained in her brain, she resolves that it’s just the heat.

***

Yue goes on a date with Sokka, and then another one, and another one, and who knows how many dates have they gone on when he finally asks her to be his girlfriend? Not Yue, certainly.

But Suki seems to be counting pretty closely.

“Do you think is it too soon? I mean, it hasn’t been that long,” Yue wonders aloud, laying in her bed with her head hanging upside down from the border.

“Well, it’s been three months, and you’ve been going out like three times a week—I’d say it’s fair enough,” she replies, doing her stretches before she leaves for her Karate class.

Yue looks at her, surprised. “I didn’t know you were keeping count,” she comments, straightening up her position.

Suki once again evades her gaze, “I’m not.”

“Then why—”

“I gotta go,” Suki cuts her off, suddenly grabbing her backpack. “My mom can’t drive me, I gotta walk, I’ll text you when I’m off.” She walks up to the door, and is about to leave when she turns around, giving Yue one last look. “For what’s worth, I think you made a good decision. You and Sokka seem really happy together.”

Suki leaves the room before Yue can tell her about the awkwardness that pools in her stomach whenever she’s alone with Sokka, the unease she feels when he tries to touch her beyond holding hands, the relief she feels when they have to cancel a date; she knows these aren’t common feelings when you like someone.

She wants to believe there will be a point where she’s comfortable, that maybe her feelings are contradictory because it’s Sokka, her childhood best friend, her soul-brother.

But if that were the case, why does she crave Suki’s touch? Why does she prefer it when they’re by themselves? Why does she feel her heart skip a beat whenever Suki proposes they hang out?

Yue groans. Feelings are too confusing.

***

Sokka and Yue have been a couple for a month when Sokka’s birthday comes around, and like every year he throws a party.

Well, ‘party’ is too generous—it’s just a get-together with their close friends, food, and music a tad louder than he’s usually allowed to. Sokka insists they all have to be dressed to the nines, because it’s his eighteenth birthday and he’s now a “man.” Suki, Katara and Toph tell him, almost at the same time and with a playful eye-roll, that being eighteen doesn’t make him any less dumb.

“Why can’t you all be nice to me on my own birthday?” He complains, pulling Yue closer to him as she laughs softly, “My girlfriend is ten times better than all of you!”

Suki notices how Yue stiffens ever so slightly before easing into his embrace, albeit reluctantly. She doesn’t say anything, why would she?

So she just sits back and watches.

But the thing is, Suki knows Yue like the back of her hand, and there’s no way she doesn’t pick up on the way she leans away from Sokka whenever she gets the chance, and the smile that doesn’t reach her eyes whenever Sokka tells her he loves her.

Suki just sips on her drink, and when they disappear for what feels like forever and come back looking relieved, she doesn’t say anything.

Not even when Yue curls up against her side for the rest of the night, and Sokka doesn’t try to reach for her anymore.

***

The next morning, when Suki goes to visit Yue, the first thing she tells her is that she broke up with Sokka last night. Suki just stares at her, wide-eyed, but it’s not like she didn’t see it coming.

“What? Why?” She asks, baffled, and Yue just shrugs.

“It wasn’t working out,” she says, flatly, like it doesn’t need much explanation. Yue cocks an accusatory brow, poking Suki’s ribs. “Don’t act like you couldn’t tell, Su,” Yue continues, moving closer to Suki. She tucks her legs under her body as Suki scrambles to find an answer in time.

“But-- Sokka,” it’s the first thing she says, “he really likes you, and everything seemed well yesterday. What went wrong?” Suki frowns, visibly confused, but she can’t say she’s all that sad about their friends’ relationship ending, not really.

Of course, she loves Sokka like any other of his friends, and she’s already making a mental note to check on him once she leaves Yue’s house—but she can’t say she didn’t wish once or twice that Yue would stop forcing herself to like Sokka, to stop recoiling when he tried to touch her and pretend it was all fine.

And she can’t say she didn’t wish for Yue to like her back ever since they were fourteen.

Yue gives a long sigh before speaking, letting her head fall against the back of the sofa. “Sokka’s great, don’t get me wrong. He was a good boyfriend, best I’ve ever had, actually,” she says with a teasing tone, and Suki gives a dry laugh. She never had any other boyfriend, but whatever. Yue stares into Suki’s eyes, a feeling she can’t quite put a finger on shining in them, and Suki stops breathing for a second when she reaches for her hand. “But he wasn’t you.”

Suki could swear she feels her heart ringing in her ears. She blinks repeatedly, before she actually processes what she just said.

And she laughs awkwardly, because she’s sure her ears are deceiving her, that Yue’s just pranking her and what she said doesn’t actually mean what Suki wants it to mean. But when Yue doesn’t laugh along, Suki blushes furiously.

“Suki,” Yue goes on, giving Suki’s hand a slight squeeze. “Sokka and I ended things because he knew that, while I loved him platonically, he would never be able to compete with--with what I feel for you.” Her voice is soft and low, filled with sweetness and adoration.

Suki licks her lips, sucking in a sharp breath as her heart aches with fondness.

“Did you have to break up with him on his birthday, though?” Suki inquires, a shit eating grin taking over her face. Yue scrunches up her nose, nestling against Suki’s chest, hiding her face.

“Don’t remind me!” She screeches with embarrassment, “I wish it could’ve been later, but Sokka was getting suspicious, and it really didn’t help that you and I are attached at the hip. He said he knew, in some way, but he wanted to give it a try instead of regretting having never tried it.” Yue shrugs, fidgeting with her hair, and Suki chuckles. Yeah, that sounds like Sokka.

There’s an awkward silence hanging for a little too long, heavy with lingering words and stolen glances, until Suki breaks it.

“So, I think this is the moment where I ask you out on a date, isn’t it?” She tentatively says, and the smile Yue gives her in return makes her heart speed up.

Yue doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even give her as much of a nod when she closes the space between them in a kiss. Suki sigh happily against her lips, thinking that she’s been waiting for this for a long time.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #yuekiweek #yueki #yue avatar #suki avatar #sokka avatar #my fanfiction

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herandhearelove · 3 years

Text

Coming out.

TL;DR: I am genderfluid. All of my characters will remain the same, except for Ashley/Halsey*, who will now go by Ash/Halsey— NOT Ashley, regardless of gender. Current pronouns will be in my username and easily visible.

I will be continuing to do primarily lewd roleplay, and because this is a fantasy where I can be free of dysphoria, Ash will anatomically match whatever his/her current gender is, which will also be whatever my OOC gender as a writer is. My writer tag will continue to be Sooki, as it is gender neutral.

I very, very, very strongly urge you to read the rest of this post so you may understand me better— ESPECIALLY if you do not believe gender fluidity exists.

If you wish to interact with me however, especially in any long term capacity, reading this is mandatory.

* edit: this also works exactly the same for my portrayal of Loki. I wrote this believing Ash would be the only genderfluid character I played, and the post is so large that I cannot be bothered to update it. Works exactly the same way though!!!

Overview.

Hey guys.

So, this has been a very long time coming. My understanding of gender has been called into question over the last few months, and I have had a very rapid period of change and self discovery. Roleplay has greatly assisted this. My friends have been accepting, my life has evolved, and I have even chosen a new name to go by out of character with the help of my friends in this community.

I am genderfluid. This means my gender is in flux, to the point that I feel extremely uncomfortable being referred to as a Female or as a Male at times, as well as experiencing shifting dysphoria against the parts of my body that assign me to the gender I am not associating with. My jawline, on some days, is a celebration. On others, it’s a reminder that the world perceives me one way, and that I have to work to change it. Some days, I feel pained that I am so flat chested, as I feel like less of a woman. On others, I count myself blessed, because a tank top and a lack of a bra can transform me into a man.

I have been friends with trans people before, and when they came out, I remember feeling like I suddenly didn’t know them. This could not be further from the truth— the Me on the inside, that you are friends with, that you write with, that you occasionally say hi to? They have always been genderfluid. Only now is that being brought to the surface. If you are friends with me, then you have always loved a man without knowing. Nothing about who I am has changed, apart from the fact that I am bringing myself to the surface.

I can think of no other way to explain how I came to this conclusion than to tell my story. I hope that you can all recognise that this part of the post should be unnecessary. I hope that, if I were to end my post here, that you would be able to respect me for who I am, and who I am now realising I have always been. That said, I know that many people do not recognise gender fluidity as legitimate, and I am aware of the fact that simple exposure and explanation is one of the best ways to move towards acceptance. There is a reason many people who live in cities tend to be more accepting of others as a whole— exposure to diversity inherently breeds acceptance.

My story, through the lense of roleplay.

I began to roleplay when I was 17, and joined the lewd community less than 2 weeks after my 18th birthday. My story, however, begins earlier than that, with a brief insight into my real life. I shall be as vague as possible. I am a minor public figure out of character who makes a career off of public perception, and as such, my roleplay accounts being linked to my real life identity could derail my income source. Therefore, detail is impossible. I hope you understand.

When I was very young, I came to the conclusion I was bisexual. I was apparently the last to know this— my coming out was mercifully uneventful. Several years later, I realised that my bisexuality was me still holding onto the patriarchal view that I needed male fulfilment in my life. I coined myself a lesbian. That much has not changed since— although I suppose, after this change, I am now sometimes a straight male. I haven’t thought of myself as straight in a very long time. It is... unusual, after so long.

By the time I joined roleplay I was confident in my sexuality. I thought I was as confident in my gender— I was a “Woman”, capitol W. I did not see the already beginning signs of my gender identity shining through, such as the way I was very stereotypically a “dyke”, but crucially, only sometimes. I felt increasingly like something was wrong. Like I was just a brain, trapped in a body. I didn’t link this to gender issues at all. I assumed it was existential restlessness.

Very early on, I began to play “hung” characters. I found comfort in them, in the idea that I wasn’t less of a woman for wanting a dick, in the fact that I could actually have one! My characters have been varied, but I have returned to this many times. I have only recently realised that this was a projection of my gender issues. I also suffered from “penis envy”, which I would later discover was the beginning of dysphoria. One of my closest friends (Mila, aka @/NYMPHVILE for those who know her) is bisexual, and every time she spoke about sleeping with a man, I felt this pain in my chest. Someone made her happy— and I could never provide that same feeling for her. This should have been a sign long ago about who I was.

One day, I was speaking about these feelings with another of my friends— Mew, aka @/mew_writes, who has too many characters to list here. He suggested, almost nonchalantly, that I might be non binary.

Oh boy.

What followed was a several week long panic. I struggled to believe I was non binary— how could I be, when I associated so strongly with gendered features on both sides of the spectrum? No, I could not be. I talked to non binary people, researched it in my own time. No. It didn’t quite fit.

It was Mila who suggested genderfluid. I told her how I felt and that I might be non binary, and she responded with “that sounds like gender fluid to me.” Truthfully, I didn’t believe it could be possible at first. I didn’t believe gender could fluctuate like that— the people who did that were just making stuff up! In our current world, where women and men can dress as they want, you weren’t gender fluid— that was just your fashion sense.

This was, of course, tied to my views, due to a lack of exposure to gender fluidity. It took time to move past it— but I did, and I stopped gaslighting myself and trusted my instincts.

Once I accepted my gender fluidity, I still rejected masculinity, believing instead that I just fluctuated between female and non binary. With retrospect, this was a fear thing. I had always been gay. Always loved women. Always been a woman. If I was a man? I was a straight guy. I was the same as the men who had denied me so many freedoms, just some guy. It was foolish, of course. Straight men are as diverse and different as every other demographic, and besides— I’m not even a cis man, and I’m not male 100% of the time by a long stretch. This patriarchal worry kept me questioning for weeks longer.

I came to the final conclusion almost unceremoniously. Me and Mila agreed that it was likely an aversion to men, and because it was a masculine day, she began to use male pronouns and we continued as if nothing happened. It didn’t feel right until later that night. I’ll never forget when she called me a good boy for going to sleep on time. It was— dare I say— life changing, and it’s likely she didn’t even realise how much so. I am very lucky that she is bisexual.

A minor tangent.

This part is specifically addressed to those who believe hung accounts are wrong. If you do not feel this, there is little point to you reading this tangent. Feel free to skip ahead.

Here is the part where I very slightly preach at you. Many of the people within the trans community dislike hung characters, feeling like they are being fetishised. There is a large part of me that understands and agrees with this sentiment. If you are playing a hung character but disagree with trans rights or deny trans existence, please educate yourself. Seriously.

Howver, I also urge the trans people within the community to not be too harsh on these characters. I myself would not have discovered my own identity without playing these characters. It’s also worth noting that these characters normalise the idea that a woman with a dick should still be treated as a woman. I am, on an increasing amount of days, a man with a vagina. I have never seen a character portray this, and I would love for it to be normalised.

As part of this point, I also ask you to consider how roleplay functions as an escape. Almost every character in roleplay is what in any other circumstance would be considered a “Mary-Sue.”— a version of the author that represents a desire and encapsulates that feeling. I desperately, desperately wanted a dick, and I couldn’t explain why. Now I can. Not everyone is so fortunate— it has taken me years to come to this conclusion. If a “cis male” is playing a female character but still playing hung, consider what that means. They desire being identified as female so much that they enjoy being thought of as one in the eyes of other people. If a “cis woman” is playing a hung character, she may well be like I was— someone who has not found themselves yet.

These people may also find comfort in the idea that they would be accepted as their preferred gender, without being demeaned within that acceptance because of what is beneath their clothes. That is why many may call themselves hung instead of trans: an escape from that label may be appealing. In my case it was the opposite— legitimising my feelings of dysphoria while being able to continue feeling like a woman made me feel legitimate and happy. I could explain away my feelings while remaining a Cis woman. For so long, I lied to myself— but a part of me doubts I would have ever come to this realisation if I had not had that in-between step.

Many may not even realise this, and it may take time for them to discover whether or not they feel as such. I know many trans women in particular flock to the roleplay community for that very reason— escape from the discomfort of the realities of their physical form.

Then again, perhaps I am reading too much into it. However, in my case, these characters have helped me become who I really am. I urge hesitance with these accounts from the trans community. Not everyone is at the same point in their journey, and ultimately, roleplay is a way that we can become whoever we desire, whether we do so in a lewd way or not. If you disagree with that, I understand why, but that is how I feel on the matter, and I feel like now more than ever I have a degree of authority, however small and insignificant. Every time another account told me I was wrong for the character I played, it felt like a blow to the stomach, and I had no idea why. Turns out, it was the reminder that my outward appearance was reason enough for society to not accept the idea of me having a dick, even in a fantasy world where having one was physically possible.

Why I’m Genderfluid, and other realities.

Many people may wonder why I feel this way. This answer is unfortunately the least complicated, and the most unsatisfying.

I don’t know.

I wish I could give you a medical reason. A brain scan that showed how hormones are flipping me back and forth. But I just... can’t. I question my own sanity regularly, but I am coming to realise that this question is not a part of the real answer. The reality is this:

I’ve spent 19 years NOT being gender fluid. And I can’t spend another day living like that. It’s not that I know for certain with any of this. It’s simply that this is me, and I cannot change it, any more then I can reconstruct my face or delete my memories and upload new ones.

Many people also wonder if this is permanent. This is once again an answer that is painfully disappointing. I simply do not know. This may change— in fact, it is a difficult reality that it is likely. I know more than most that gender is a fickle and fluid thing. Maybe this is a middle step, like my non binary phase was, where I am running from the reality of being a trans man. Maybe this is a phase, where I feel I cannot love a woman while being wholly female, due to internalised homophobia.

But there is another reality worth addressing. No state of being is permanent. Whether I am genderfluid forever or not doesn’t matter. The fact is that now, in this moment, that is my best understanding of myself. If I discover another reality about myself, this does not erase this period of my life from my history. It also will not erase the memory of who was ok with me being who I really am, and who was not. I have tried being cis. I have hidden behind masks all my life. Sooki, my real life persona, Ashley, all my other characters— all masks to a certain degree. Cis was another mask I wore. Now it is off, and I will remember those who screamed and ran away when they saw what was beneath.

What happens with your roleplay characters?

Finally, an unashamedly fun party of the topic.

My characters have always felt just like that: characters. I act in ways that I would not on them all the time. All of my characters will remain as the gender they are, and will continue to well into the future. If I make a new character, I will specify their gender identity, and that will be that. They are not the same as me out of character.

Except for one.

Ash has always been a surrogate for me. Since the moment I made them, they have felt like a character that I can put myself into. They have diverged greatly from Halsey’s real life (although perhaps ironically, I have ultimately ended up following Halsey into a non cis life, as she came out as she/they non binary earlier this year). Me and Mila, along with a host of my other friends, have expanded her into a character with a rich backstory.

As such, I will be making Ash genderfluid to match myself. I understand the urge to make her just like me physically as well. However roleplay is an escape for me, and I quite enjoy the lewd community. Ash is an idealised version of myself, and this will hardly be the first time I have explored something that is not physically possible. And as such:

Ash will physically match my gender identity of the time. This means the whole 9 yards— when female, she will be as she has been up until this point. However, when he is male? No boobs, wider shoulders, maybe even a little bit of body hair, and a cock. It will be large too— I’m a size queen/king and I have no shame in doing such. The stereotypical masculinity of it is a fantasy I could live in forever, a positive pool in which I am able to swim in through my phone. I am able to present with this character as I wish to be one day— and although this is unrealistic with current technology, it is what I dream of. To be very clear— I would be doing this within my mind whether or not it was public and whether or not I was a lewd account. However, I am fond of the lewd community, and to me there is no greater affirmation of my gender than sexual affirmation. I am sure of this decision.

I am lucky to have chosen such a good FC. Halsey speaks to me as a person, and that connection, with retrospect, is not for naught. Halsey presents very masculine at times, giving me material of the same person presenting as both genders and allowing me to keep my FC. I will not be changing character in any way.

For example:

Female presenting:

Male presenting:

This transformational ability will also have an in universe explanation. I will be detailing this more in Ash’s updated backstory, which, if you are seeing this post, is updated and can be found here.

It will involve a little bit of magic, and be tied in with the story of Zia, aka @/NYMPHQUEEN, who helped me craft the story behind it.

So how do I act?

This part is simple! My pronouns will be in my bio. When role playing with me, treat me as a writer and Ash within the scene as you would a cis person of that gender. It’s really that simple.

Some more specifics, for those who would like them.

If we are within a scene and naked, or anything like that— feel free to continue writing within that gender even if I change. I will simply respond when my gender matches the plot and the roleplay will not make me feel dysphoric. No need for mid-story transformations. Easy.

Casual terms like bro, dude, darling, ect ect? All fine regardless of pronouns. My mind considers them gender neutral and I am not fussed about them.

If you slip up, don’t stress. I’m still getting used to this too, and I’m a forgiving person. However, if you disrespect me by deliberately avoiding using the pronouns very obviously displayed in my name, that will be when we have a problem. Then you’re just deliberately being a dick.

Conclusion.

I would like to thank my friends for helping me realise this about myself. In particular, the 3 mentioned in this post: Mew, Mila and Zia. You 3— plus all those knew about this before I went public— have helped me become comfortable enough in this decision to make it public.

And lastly: thank you to you, who has stuck through my long rambling to the end. I hope I have changed your views on gender fluidity if you did not believe in it before, and I hope that, whoever you are, you can respect me as a person and allow me to be myself.

But, I digress. I have rambled for far too long. In the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero:

“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”

Thank you. I love you.

Sooki (He/She)

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

Undone, Chapter 10 (Bitney) - Stephanie/Veronica

A/N: Welcome to Chapter 10 of UNDONE, our slow-burn Bitney lesbian AU. Here’s a link to the previous chapters. This is a repost from AO3/RGF - once we’re caught up, new chapters will go up.

Summary: Bianca opens up to Courtney about the baby blues.

TW: This story deals with themes of emotional abuse, and since that can be subtle, we’re going to keep a general TW on all of the chapters, even when it seems like it doesn’t apply.

***

On Monday morning, Bianca arrives on set early to try and knock out some work before the craziness begins. She opens the trailer door to find Courtney twirling on a stool. A hand flies to her chest.

“Good morning!” sings Courtney.

“Fuck you. You scared the shit out of me,” Bianca sighs dramatically.

“Sorry,” Courtney laughs, standing up and walking over to help with Bianca’s multiple bags.

“It’s okay. What are you doing here so early anyway? Aren't you supposed to be at CrossFit or SoulCycle or whatever your bougie ass is into this week?”

“Class was cancelled today, so I did a sunrise run instead.”

“Of course you did,” Bianca scoffs, rolling her eyes. Courtney grins, eyeing her up and down. “What?”

“Nothing, you just look…” Courtney takes Bianca by the hand and spins her around, admiring what looked like a new outfit, but especially her five inch Louboutins. “You look like you made daddy very happy this weekend.”

“Fuck you, cunt. I’ve already told you, that’s not how my marriage works. My friend Latrice bought me these.”

“Late birthday present?”

“No, she just knows that I like pretty things when I’m stressed. And that I’d never buy these for myself.”

“Stressed? About what?”

Bianca lifts Dede out of her carrier, turning away slightly.

“Nothing, nevermind.”

After a long beat, Courtney offers, “Alright.” She knows by now how much Bianca hates being pressured to talk. So she lets the older girl deposit Dede into her arms and pick up a clipboard.

Courtney watches her for a few moments, making notes on her clipboard and then picking up a dress from the rack and sitting down decisively at her sewing machine.

“So, uh, my friends loved you.”

“Oh. Cool. Yeah, they were fun.”

“And we’re planning to do brunch at the Abbey on Sunday. Think you might wanna come? We just kind of chill and day drink.”

Bianca looks slightly uncomfortable at this proposition, and so Courtney quickly adds, “You won’t be the only straight person! Like, it’s the Abbey, which is the straightest gay bar around. So...if that’s what you’re thinking, then-”

“No, I’m not...I don’t care about that.” Bianca smiles, and for the first time that morning, Courtney can see the light in her eyes. “Thank you. It sounds fun, I just...I have to go to my friend’s baby shower on Sunday. So...I guess I’ll be day drinking, too. God willing. Because lord knows I can’t handle those things sober.”

Courtney laughs.

“Well...okay, I guess, rain check?”

“Sure thing.”

“Also…”

“Yes?” Bianca asks.

Courtney tilts her head, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

“Tell your friend that she’s got good taste. ‘Cause you look insanely hot today.”

Bianca opens her mouth to spit out a snarky comment, but nothing comes out. She feels like her cheeks are on fire. After a few moments, she lands on a lame, “Shut up,” before looking down at her sewing machine.

***

Later, Bianca is buttoning Courtney into her dress when she notices something amiss. She frowns, walking over to her desk and pulling out a binder. She heaves an aggrieved sigh.

“Something wrong?”

“Yeah, I just...Jamie!” Bianca bellows.

When Jamie appears in the doorway, leaning against the frame, brushing the brown hair out of her eyes, Courtney nearly laughs. She remembers how the petite girl used to run around, leaping with fear at the sound of Bianca’s voice. Now it appears that she’s realized her boss is all bark and no bite.

“What’s up?”

“The buttons on this dress...you used ivory. Farrah’s are black.”

“Oh...I thought the ivory looked good,” Jamie says.

“That’s not the point! They have to match! She’s a fucking double. It has to be an exact duplicate!” Bianca throws up her hands.

“Oh...shit.”

“Yeah, shit is right.”

“Do you want me to fix it?” Jamie asks.

“No time, I’ll do it. But you need to pay more attention. This is the kind of continuity that makes a difference.”

“Sure. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do better next time,” Bianca replies, helping Courtney out of the dress.

“Right.” Jamie stands awkwardly for a moment, then asks, “Um...do you guys want anything from crafty?”

“I would love a piece of fruit,” Courtney says.

“Yeah, grab me a bag of SunChips.”

“Sure thing!”

“Thank you Jamie!” Courtney calls as she heads out, then says to Bianca, “You know, just because there’s a picture of grains on the bag, doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”

“Noted, Dr. Hamilton,” Bianca replies with an exaggerated eye roll.

Courtney giggles, watching Bianca walk straight to the shelves and, after consulting the polaroid in her hand, reach up to grab the plastic box with the correct buttons. Her shirt rides up and Courtney’s eyes widen.

“Bianca Del Rio.”

“What?”

“What is that?!” Courtney’s expression is pure delight as she steps forward, gesturing to a mark on Bianca’s hip, a mark partially obscured by her jeans.

“Oh. That.” Bianca shifts uncomfortably. “Just a permanent reminder of how stupid I was when I was 18.”

“Awww,” Courtney giggles. “I bet you were adorable.”

“Yeah, real adorable. Stumbling through the French Quarter, drunk off my ass, deciding to scar myself for life on a goddamn dare. I mean, I guess it could have been worse - my friend DJ got Spongebob on his ass. Try explaining that one.”

“Oh my god,” Courtney asks. She peers down at the Asian characters on Bianca’s hip, then coyly inquires, “So...what does it mean?”

Bianca shakes her head.

“No. I will not give you the satisfaction of knowing about the clichés on my mind when I was an idiot teenager.”

“Tell me!”

After a resigned sigh, Bianca admits, “Fine. It means…” she cringes visibly. “It means ‘dream big.’”

They lock eyes, and Courtney smiles.

“That’s beautiful.”

“Oh, fuck off-“ Bianca stops abruptly as Courtney drops to her knees. She presses a quick kiss to Bianca’s hip, right over the offending tattoo. Bianca inhales sharply, the feeling of her lips lingering as goosebumps prickle her arms. “What are you-”

“I’m supporting the clichés of your youth,” she explains with a flutter of lashes.

Bianca clears her throat, backing up with the plastic box of buttons, nearly stumbling in her heels. Courtney tucks her feet beneath her, stomach twisting with the fear that she’d pushed it too far. But then after a moment, Bianca begins to chuckle drily, shaking her head.

“You’re a dumb slut,” she proclaims, sitting down at the sewing machine and picking up her Starbucks cup.

“How very dare you,” Courtney grins, standing up and adding, “I’m not dumb in the slightest.”

Bianca snorts with laughter, nearly spitting out her coffee.

***

“Oh my god,” Bianca groans, falling into bed, hurling the sequined dress she’d just taken off across the room.

Jared chuckles, sliding in beside her.

“Thanks for being such a good sport tonight. I know those work cocktail parties are your least favorite thing.”

“I just hate small talk so much. It’s fucking exhausting. And I’m already exhausted. And those sequins scratched the fuck out of my skin, and-” she stops talking as Jared leans over, pressing a tender kiss to her bare shoulder, right where her skin is the most irritated.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Jared murmurs, and Bianca relaxes slightly.

“Plus those drinks were really weak,” she adds, running her fingers through Jared’s hair. “I’m barely buzzed.”

He laughs.

“Sounds excruciating.”

“It is. I’m much less hateful when I’m drunk. As you know.”

“Alcohol does bring out your inner charm,” Jared agrees, nuzzling her neck.

“Plus I have to work tomorrow, and it’s really cool that Beth is letting me design pieces, but that’s in addition to my job, and so…” she sighs. “Sorry if I was a bitch all night.”

“Nah, you were a delight. Per usual.”

Bianca laughs, rolling her eyes.

“Oh yeah, that’s me.” She leans back, eyes falling closed, then opens them again quickly, giving Jared a light shove. “Hey!”

“What?”

“You said that you had a surprise for me!”

“I did?” Jared bats his eyes, watching her mouth form a pout. “Ohhh, yeah. I did.”

“Okay, well, cough it up, sir.”

Jared heaves himself up from the bed. A minute later, just outside the door, he shouts, “Cover your eyes! No peeking!”

When he removes Bianca’s hands from her eyes and gestures to the foot of the bed, she gasps. She’d been expecting jewelry or maybe tickets to a show. But what she sees is a small, antique cradle.

“It was my dad’s. And mine,” Jared explains. “I had my mom send it.”

Bianca nods, moving closer to inspect the rich wood, running her fingers along the side. She takes ahold of one of the handles and rocks it slightly.

“I know that things with Dr. Silverman didn’t go like we’d hoped. But I know that we’ll get there. And when we do...he’s gonna need a place to sleep.”

Bianca wraps her arms around Jared’s neck, too overcome to speak.

“Are you okay?”

“Mmmhmm…”

“Wanna practice for Game Day?”

Bianca pulls back, looking him straight in the eye, a smirk growing on her face.

“Your sense of romance is truly extraordinary...”

***

Bianca tries not to stare. Tries not to seethe with envy. She’s well aware that being envious of her neighbor struggling to strap in a car seat while her son sings incoherently in her face is...well, crazy.

He’s about two, with mop of curly dark hair and big brown eyes. Bianca has seen them many times since moving into the building - him and his exasperated parents, who generally fail to keep up with his boundless energy. She’s seen him grow from a wailing baby into a rambunctious bruiser with chubby legs, who carries a green plastic bucket at all times as he careens down hallways and grabs at the potted plants in the lobby.

She doesn’t know his name, but she knows that he loves dogs. He shrieks delightedly every time he spots her walking Sammy and Dede, reaching for their tails while one of his parents lifts him up and gives a lecture he probably doesn’t understand that begins with “no touch!”

And every time Bianca sees him pull his mom’s curly hair, or burrow into his dad’s neck, or giggle infectiously at something that he alone finds hilarious, her heart feels like it’s breaking.

She leans on the frame of her car door, chest constricting, a tickle in her throat. It’s not fair that the mere sight of this little imp gives her physical pain. It’s not fair that, once again, she’s been told by a doctor that there’s no medical reason preventing her from getting pregnant.

It’s not fair that every month is another failure.

She swallows hard and gets into her car, giving Sammy and Dede a few extra kisses before turning the key, pressing the heels of her hands against her cheekbones to relieve the pressure without destroying her makeup.

***

Bianca seems far away today. Courtney holds her tongue, aware of how violently she reacted last time she was pushed. In the chaos of the morning, she almost got away with faking it. But at lunch, Courtney can’t help noticing just how distant she is. How, in the quiet moments, her eyes grow dark and her hands grip the edge of the bench, knuckles white. But then, a second later, she blinks it away and she’s back to sparring with Adore, trading loving insults and unsolicited wardrobe advice.

Courtney would almost believe that she’s fine, except that she’s not making any eye contact, and hasn’t all day, and two of her normally perfect nails are bitten down to the quick.

So later, after Courtney returns her costume to Jamie and gets dressed, she takes the chance of poking her head through the curtain to say goodnight. Bianca is standing in front of a whiteboard, marker in her hand, staring vacantly at it. Her eyes look glassy and her shoulders sag. Courtney looks down, feeling like she’s invaded a deeply personal moment. She knocks gently on the wall and Bianca’s head snaps up.

“Hey. Um...got a minute?” Courtney bites her lip, hoping that Bianca doesn’t feel as assaulted as she looks by the intrusion.

“Sure.” Bianca turns to her, straightening her back and blinking a few times. Courtney immediately clocks the fake smile that flashes across her face. “What’s up?”

“Uh, well...sorry, I was just coming in to say goodnight but...are you okay? I’m sorry, I know you hate this question and I promise that if you tell me to fuck off, I’ll get out of your hair, but I just-”

Bianca sinks down into her chair, shaking her head.

“Do I really look that bad?”

Courtney leans her head against the wall, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Do you want me to lie?” she asks.

“Kind of,” Bianca replies softly.

After a beat, Courtney says, “I wouldn’t say bad. I would say...not exactly yourself.”

Bianca heaves a sigh like she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“Wanna share?”

“It’s literally so...I dunno, Court, I feel like such an asshole even bringing it up. It’s such a trivial...bullshit thing, a dumb personal problem, and I just, you’re not gonna give a fuck, and-”

“How about, for like...two minutes, you pretend like I give a giant fuck about you and your trivial bullshit problems?” Courtney walks forward, dragging the stool over to sit by her. “We can call it a thought experiment.”

Bianca chuckles slightly, then looks up at Courtney, eyes melancholy, lips pressed together.

“Come on. Spill it,” Courtney says.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“How about ‘today I’m concerned with…?’”

Bianca shuts her eyes. “I’m concerned with the idea that I might never get pregnant. I...we’ve been trying for over a year, and I’ve been to four doctors, including a specialist, and we’ve taken every test, and...fuck!”

Courtney takes her hand, wanting to ask more questions but keeping her mouth shut.

“They all say the same thing. I’m fine. Jared’s fine. Keep trying! But I just...for how long? How long until someone takes me seriously that there’s an actual problem? What if they’re missing something? Or what if…”

Bianca sniffles, shaking her head and looking tearily up at Courtney once again, the raw emotion making her throat hurt.

“It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. I come from a family of 6, I have a shit ton of cousins, my sisters have been popping out kids for years. And, I was the one who wanted to wait, you know? I mean maybe...maybe if I’d been trying when I was younger, like he wanted, I’d…” Her breath hitches.

“Bianca, there’s no way that this is about your age. You’re barely 30, and people have kids well into their 40s-”

“Other people. What if my time has run out?”

“B…” Courtney squeezes her hand, wishing she could think of something, anything, to comfort her.

“I told you it was stupid.” Bianca looks down.

“It’s not stupid. Not at all.”

Bianca swallows down a lump in her throat.

“I think maybe...it just seems like you’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself,” Courtney says, thumb rubbing the back of Bianca’s hand.

“You sound like my doctor.”

“At the risk of sounding annoyingly New Agey-”

“Oh god…”

Courtney smiles and squeezes her hand again.

“You’re already a mum, Bianca. I mean, look at you...you’re generous and protective and strong and smart and everything a mum should be. You are a mum, you just haven’t met your baby yet.”

“You...are right,” Bianca says slowly, taking a deep breath. “That was really, really annoyingly New Agey.”

“Sorry,” Courtney laughs.

Bianca smiles, wiping her eyes.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m such a whiny bitch today. That was...sorry.” She stands, walking over to the shelf and reaching up for a plastic box of buttons.

Courtney watches her for a moment, then jumps up and wraps her arms around Bianca’s waist in a tight embrace from behind, face buried in her hair. Bianca is stiff at first, but then allows herself to relax, leaning her head back, resting her hands lightly on Courtney’s wrists.

“Thanks,” Bianca says hoarsely.

“Anytime,” Courtney replies, holding on as long as she dares, and then slowly loosening her arms.

***

“Good morning, babe...” Courtney murmurs, wrapping her arms around Bianca.

“Ughh, five more minutes…” she groans.

Courtney giggles softly, trailing kisses up the back of her neck.

“You’re gonna be late…”

“I’ll skip breakfast,” Bianca grumbles, sighing and pressing her body back against Courtney’s. “You smell good.”

“That’s because I’ve already gone for a jog and showered. Unlike you.”

“Alright, alright, alright!” Bianca turns around, huffing indignantly, pushing Courtney onto her back and pinning her arms above her head. “I’m up. Happy?”

Courtney smiles up at her, lashes fluttering.

“Thrilled.”

Bianca rolls her eyes and starts to climb out of bed, and Courtney catches her arm, pulling her back.

“Five more minutes,” she says, watching Bianca’s face break into a grin, dimples deep in her cheeks.

Courtney’s eyes fall closed as Bianca captures her lips in a kiss.

BANG!

Courtney sits up, alarmed, heart pounding. She can hear muffled noises down the hall. She rubs her eyes, fear and confusion and a strange sense of loss swirling around in her chest.

“Hello?”

“‘M sorry,” calls out a weak, slightly slurred voice.

“Adore?”

A few moments later, Adore pushes open her bedroom door. Her eyes are glassy and her hair is a mess. Clothes half off - Courtney assumes that she’d been shedding them as she stumbled down the hall to the guest room.

“Hi babyyy,” she says. “Sorry for waking you. I found...” She pauses to hiccup, then continues, “the extra key, in your...thing.”

Courtney nods, holding back laughter at her friend’s drunken baby voice.

“I’m sorry,” Adore repeats, and Courtney shakes her head.

“It’s okay, drunky-pants. Wanna cuddle?”

A wide grin spreads across Adore’s face as she climbs onto the bed, under the covers that Courtney holds open.

Courtney wraps her arms around Adore’s body, snuggling against the warmth of her skin. Relief washes over her, and she lets out a deep, contented sigh.

“G’night baby. Love you.”

“I love you too, Adore.” Courtney murmurs, squeezing her tight.

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #courtney act #bitney #adore delano #oc #lesbian au #slow burn #fluff #angst #undone #stephanie #veronica #tw emotional abuse #concrit welcome

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sapphicscholar · 6 years

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A/N: Warning for an instance of threatened/attempted violence

And thanks to @performativezippers for the delightful first half of the title and to @bathtimefunduck for suggesting the Bachelorette. And most importantly HAPPY BIRTHDAY @lurkz!! Hope you have a great day and enjoy this unreasonably long one-shot

Chapter Preview:

Alex ran a finger over the cool metal of the gun tucked into its holster, letting the familiar feel of it comfort and ground her as crowds rushed around the room, taking no effort to avoid slamming into her or pushing past her.

Day one. She could do it. Just 49 of them left after this first day ended. J’onn’s reminder to “use these seven weeks as a time to recenter yourself” rang in her ears. She doubted there would be any recentering happening here. He’d insisted it wasn’t a punishment for her diving in front of a spray of bullets on their last job, trusting her Kevlar and her helmet more than she trusted the rookie agents tasked with protecting the Senator’s daughter, but she suspected it was. Why else would she get stuck with some reality television star? It was all glitz and glam and entitlement and everything Alex loathed.

The only good thing was that they were charging the studio a small fortune for the 24/7 private security, so Alex knew she had a decent payout coming at the end of the seven weeks. J’onn had already suggested it might be nice if she used it to take a vacation. They both knew she wouldn’t.

“Danvers!” About goddam time. She’d been up for over 12 hours with almost nothing to do except familiarize herself with the set layout and camera feeds.

Alex lifted her head at the sound of the producer’s grating voice. If she didn’t already hate the woman for all the exploitation that went into making a reality show, she’d hate her for the nails-on-chalkboard tone that had been ringing in her ears since 5 in the morning.

“Time to meet our bachelorette!”

“Kay,” Alex grunted, hefting her bag onto her shoulder and following in Siobhan’s wake out of the maze of trailers and food service trucks into one of the two houses on the property—smaller, but still nicer than anything Alex had ever slept in. Not that she really wanted to be sleeping in it. Though she, at the very least, would be spared the indignity of having surveillance cameras set up to watch her every move. She might have to live in a tiny room down the hallway from the bachelorette’s suite, but J’onn had insisted that his security teams couldn’t do their best work while worrying about moles and plants on the other end of the feeds.

Alex forced herself to listen as Siobhan reviewed the different areas of the house—the gym, the in-house sauna, the kitchen, the dining room, the entertainment room. Honestly, the list was too goddam long for a single person, let alone a person who was only inhabiting the place for a few weeks.

They ended up in some room with a name that Alex suspected meant something to people who watched the damn show.

“And this”—Siobhan announced with a flourish—“is Maggie Sawyer.”

Alex looked her up and down. Short. Attractive, she supposed, but there probably wasn’t anyone who got on a show like this that wasn’t attractive. Plaid button-up. Alex wondered if wardrobe chose it to remind the viewers back home that Maggie was the first ever lesbian bachelorette—like they needed some easy was to make that connection. Of course, even with the tucked-in shirt, she still had skinny jeans tight enough to highlight everything any straight man tuning in would want to see and heeled boots that looked incredibly impractical. Then there was the long hair that had been styled to glossy perfection in the hair and makeup trailer moments before. And sure, okay, Alex could admit it looked pretty. Whatever. But still, a part of her wondered what it would take to have a lesbian bachelorette that looked a little more like her or some of her friends. She unconsciously ran her hands through her wavy hair, the tips of her fingers gliding across the short hair of the undercut she’d gotten a few months after coming out.

“Maggie,” Siobhan continued, “this is Alex Danvers.” Alex gave a nod of her head. “She’ll be providing 24/7 security for you.”

“Because of the threats?” Maggie asked, her lips twitching and features hardening slightly.

“There will always be some threats in show business.” Siobhan waved her hand and smiled broadly as if death threats were laughable. “The girls have their own security as well. I’m sure everything will be fine, but it’s best to protect our bases, hmm?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted. I’ll send a PA back in half an hour for both of you. Maggie, you’ll be filming your intro monologue, then we need to get you to wardrobe for an outfit change before the girls show up.”

“Okay.”

Alex narrowed her eyes, wondering how someone so curt possibly got chosen for a show like this one. Then again, she didn’t get paid to ask those questions or care about whether or not some random woman was going to look like an ass on national television.

“Alright,” Alex began, switching to the authoritative tone she found worked best for getting through to people, “in order for me to do my job best, I need you to follow my—”

“I get it,” Maggie interjected.

Alex narrowed her eyes and huffed. “Look, just follow me, we’re doing a tour of the house, looking for weak security points.”

“My entire bedroom.”

“What?”

“The whole thing—floor to ceiling glass windows that I can only hope are bulletproof but definitely leave me visible, which is, I guess, the whole point. Two different egress points—door to the hallway, then one to the bathroom, which also has a door to the sauna, which then opens up down the hallway. And none of the doors lock for easy camera access. It’s a security nightmare.”

“I… What are you doing looking around for things like that?”

“Would you prefer if I acted as ditzy as you clearly think I am?” Maggie shot back.

“Excuse me for not assuming that the woman parading herself around on television for some quick cash and a chance to get laid by a bunch of desperate women is a fucking genius.”

“I’m a detective, Danvers. I know my way around basic security.”

“What?”

“I’m here because I lost a bet.”

Alex folded her arms across her chest. “Bullshit. People audition for years to get on shows like this.”

“Thought you didn’t know anything about it.”

“I can do a basic Wikipedia search.”

“Look, I’m a newly single lesbian who can talk about wanting to date and get back out there and find love or whatever. I’m hot with enough muscles from my job to be able to flex for the cameras but not so much that I’ll make straight people uncomfortable. I’m exactly what they were looking for.”

“You auditioned, though. You didn’t get in because of a bet.”

“No. I let my coworkers make and submit an audition tape for me because I lost a bet.”

Alex continued to glare. “Whatever. We’re still going over the house.”

Read the rest on AO3!

#sanvers #celebrity/bodyguard au #slow burn #enemies to friends to lovers #some angst #lots of fluff #surfer!Alex #bachelorette!Maggie #alex danvers #maggie sawyer #fanfic #supergirl #completed fic #ao3feed

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