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spaghettificationandpretzels · 2 years

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The Reaper and the Death Angel Part 28

Opie deserves better and he's going to get it, there's lots of mental health talk in the chapter so tread carefully. While it's all put in a positive light, I understand if this is where you leave me. I must also apologise for the filth in this chapter, Grammarly has seen things.

Series Masterlist

Part 27

Contains: Fluff, smut(phone sex, M and F masturbation, Dom/sub dynamics, rope bondage, fingering, sex toys, oral sex F receiving, P in V, CONSENT, aftercare), discussions of mental health, discussions of attempted sexual assault, loosely follows the plot of 2x04and 2x05. If I miss any, please let me know.

6.5K Words

Comment if you want to be tagged.

Time away and Clay has Jax frustrated.

You were in Jax's arms, even after the successful wrap party and the fun in the bathroom, his mind was elsewhere. "What's wrong dearest?"

Jax squeezed your arm, "it's Opie, I'm so worried about him."

You rolled over, resting your head on his chest, "did something happen at the meth house? Sam seemed worried too."

Jax buried his face in your hair, "he blew the house up without a remote, he was thrown off his feet by the blast. He could have been killed and he knew that."

You put a hand on his chest, "that's not good Jax, this on top of him walking into fire at that meet. You've got grounds to worry." There was no point in lying.

"What do I do?"

You drummed your fingers on his skin, "you make sure he's not on the brink of doing something harmful. I've been here a million times before Jax, the quiet ones are the ones you worry about. I'll talk to him; sometimes, a bit of tough love goes a long way. Plus, I did Donna's autopsy, it affords me a level of understanding."

Jax embraced you, pressing his lips to your ear, "thank you."

"Hey Opie, can we talk?" You didn't wait, the next day you showed up at the garage with some cakes and pulled Opie aside the moment he was free, "sure, is everything ok?"

You shook your head, "not really, I hear you've been taking some very unnecessary risks."

He didn't respond, "I understand you are in pain, probably the worst pain you've ever been in but so are your kids. Whatever idea you've got in your head has got to go, they need you here."

He looked at you, his eyes almost wet, "it has to stop Ope. This wallowing in your misery is an affront to Donna's memory. She took a bullet meant for you and instead of spending every day of your life grateful that you get to spend another day with your children, you're pissing that chance down the drain."

He looked away, his breathing rough, "she loved you Opie, with all her heart, she loved you enough to stay through everything. And you are tossing that love aside. I can't say anything that will ease your pain, but I can tell you that you're not helping anyone by thinking and acting the way you are." He looked crestfallen.

"Now, you are going unfuck yourself or I'll do it for you. I don't care what you do, take up knitting or fishing or stamp collecting, drag yourself to grief counselling or a widower group or turn to God. Hell, fix every broken down bike you come across. I've been to too many funerals where everyone is in mourning for someone who didn't need to die and I won't be going to yours.I will drag you to help, kicking and screaming if I have to. I might be small but I contain much rage and it gets me places."

You could see the resolve on his face, "you know my number, I don't care what time of day or night it is, if you want to talk about anything, I'll pick up. Don't give me another person to mourn Ope, I've already got too many people to remember."

****

"What's the run"

Jax was getting dressed, "blood drive, Eureka Children's hospital." You took a breath, "it's a shame your good work is covering the sale of weapons. How long will you be gone?"

Jax pulled you into his arms, "I'll be home late tomorrow."

You smiled, "what ever will I do without you? You know, idle hands are the devil's playthings, you should stay by your phone so I just in case I get any ideas."

He leaned down and kissed you, his hands gripping your tightly. Just as the kiss was getting heated, Abel started crying, "my boy, the master of timing." You shook your head and Jax pressed one last kiss to your lips, "I'll get him."

Upon Jax's return, you were sitting on the bed deep in thought, "what?"

You took a deep breath, "just thinking about Opie, how's he doing." Jax smiled, "whatever you said to him must have worked, he seems better."

You breathed a sigh of relief, "tough love, sometimes people need a smack across the head to knock them out of their pain. It's very different from my normal approach but oatmeal wasn't going to cut it."

Jax huffed a laugh, "you're amazing, you know that?"

You shook your head, "don't count your chickens just yet, I can't fix what's going on with Ope, I can only lend him a helping hand."

****

With the guys gone, it was time to put some plans into motion. You went into bone storage and took out the case you were looking for. The case was open and shut and the killer was already inside, which was why it hadn't been touched. The victim was a smuggler who got caught up with the wrong crowd and ended up getting killed. The reason you wanted it was a piece of evidence, a tobacco leaf.

Zobelle was outside when you showed up at impeccable smokes. You went up to him smiling, sticking your hand out for a handshake, "hello Mr Zobelle, I'm Dr l/n and I work at The Nothern California science and natural history museum. If you have the time, I'd like to ask you some questions about the cold case I'm working."

He took your hand and you squeezed hard, "I'm not sure I'll be able to help, don't you have experts you work with?"

You nodded, "I do, I have tobacco experts, leaf experts, and trade experts, but you add a different perspective. Sometimes knowing the emotional and situational context is just as important as factual information."

He invited you in and you smiled at Weston as you creasted to the threshold, "hello, I don't believe we've met are you helping Mr Zobelle set up his store?"

He nodded, "yeah."

You sat down at one of the tables and got the evidence bag out, "the killer has actually been caught and is serving life so the DA didn't feel the need to bother but I want to give the victim justice. Can you please tell me what kind of cigar producer would use this kind of leaf and curing process?"

He picked up the bag and looked it over, "someone who was being cheap, you can see that the leaf isn't the best from the harvest, I wouldn't even think of selling something like that here."

You nodded, "thank you Mr Zobelle, do you think it might be a part of a counterfeit operation, I'm sure you've run into that before?"

He tilted his head, "yes on the occasion but we always know what to look for."

You smiled warmly, it was false, "thank you for all your help Mr Zobelle, this whole thing has been very enlightening."

****

As you walked out the door, Gemma's car pulled up. You walked over to her when she got out, "Gemma what are you doing here?" She pulled out the Sherman's bag, showing you the mask, "wasn't that what they were wearing, how did you get it?"

She threw it back inside, "they sent it to me."

You put a hand on your shoulder and pushed her gently back to her car, "don't let them know it's gotten to you Gem, we're going back home and you're going to pretend you never got it, understand? There's a lot more going on than you think."

She gave you a dirty look but didn't resist, "what have you got planned?"

You looked behind you to see if they had noticed, "right now? I'm going to see Jacob Hale."

When you got to his office, he was in with his brother, as he came out, he met eyes with you and you walked up to him. "Hello Mr Hale, I have some concerns I think you need to hear?"

His slimy face broke out into a smile, "of course, I'm always happy to hear the concerns of a valued member of Charming."

"Are you aware that one of the men you rent to is surrounded by known and convicted Neo-Nazis?"

He was taken aback, "what?"

You stiffen your voice, "Are you aware that one of the men you rent to is surrounded by known and convicted Neo-Nazis?"

He shook his head, "no, I would never bring that kind of hate to Charming, if you have proof, please share it."

You smiled nastily, "I have proof, plenty in fact. I'll send it over to Unser, I'm sure he'll be interested to hear that those kinds of people are here, who knows what they're into or who they're working with. Don't you agree David."

The deputy turned to his brother, his expression righteous, "yeah I do, Neo-Nazi have no place here. Thank you for your concern y/n, I know we don't get along but I've always valued your input on cases."

You put a hand on his shoulder, "despite being a cop, I think you've got your head on straight. It's a shame your brother didn't do this due diligence. No matter, I'm sure you'll get it sorted, won't you Jacob?"

He nodded agreeably, "I'll be right on it. Thank you again for bringing this up."

****

Later that night, you called Jax, "how was your day, my love? I heard Piney had to leave to sort some things out."

You heard his chuckle, "yeah, Tig had a run-in with some bounty hunters."

You rolled your eyes, "do I want to know?"

There was a groan, "nope, you don't."

He could hear Abel babbling in the background, "how's the little guy?"

You chuckled, "Good, we had a very interesting conversation about geo-politics in perfume industry and I just put him down." There was the rustle of sheets.

"How was work?"

Jax had taken more and more interest in your job, if only to see you get all dorky. "Good, second case closed this week. Jack found a bug that led the feds to within two miles of the original crime scene, it's a slam dunk."

Jax smiled, "I'm glad things are getting better."

Jax didn't want to think about all the times you had crawled into his lap, close to crying because of unsolvable cases. "more good news, Anvil's contract has been expanded to another museum. Apparently, the curator for the California Museum of Technology was so impressed that security could answer questions about exhibits they wanted in."

"Did you end up getting that new fancy machine?"

He could hear the excitement in your voice, "the new mass spectrometer? Yes, it's amazing, it sings to us when it's done."

His tone changed, "what are you wearing?"

Of course he would start with such a stereotypical line, "One of your T-shirts, the white one with the hole in the arms and the faded Son in black. And those boyshorts you like, the ones with the ladybugs on the butt."

You could almost hear the smirk, "I like it when you wear my clothes."

You giggled, "I know, I like wearing your clothes. Are you busy?"

His voice got deeper, "no, you?"

You wonder if his hand was about to be busy, "nope, I'm in bed, all by my lonesome talking to you."

There was a grunt, soft but still there, "Jax, would you like me to touch myself?"

You heard his fist slam against something soft, "yeah Darlin, I'd like that." Jax was going to have a heart attack or faint, all the blood had rushed to his cock and now all he could think about was the vision taking place in your bedroom.

"You're on speaker." Jax could hear you opening the toy drawer, he was curious, aside from opening and closing it to get lube, you hadn't had the chance to enjoy the toy drawer yet.

"Are you having fun?"

With a light buzz over the line, the answer was more breathy, "yes, maybe you can sit and watch next time." His hand slid into hands pants, stroking his cock. Your hands were so much softer, more precise.

"Oh my God, Jax."

This was torture, hearing you but not being able to touch you, "you feeling good Darlin, bet you wish I was the one holding that toy."

Another one of your moans had his hand speeding up, "yes, your hands feel so much better."

He wondered if he had died somewhere along the road and this was hell, he could almost feel your hands grabbing at him. "Come on Darlin, I can hear how close you are, let go for me." The moment the words left his lips, he could hear it, the choked gasp that signified you had fallen over the edge.

Jax followed you violently, "fuck."

He heard you giggle across the line, "thank you Jackson."

His pleasure turned to smugness, "what have I told you about that?" Another giggle, "it's not like you're here to do anything about it."

He bit his fist, "listen here little girl, I'll be home tomorrow and after the day I've had, you are really in for it."

A huff, "oh really? I'm looking forward to it." So you knew he had a bad day and were offering an outlet, God he loved you.

"I love you y/n."

He sounded much calmer, "I love you too Jax. Goodnight beloved, I look forward to your return."

"Goodnight Darlin."

****

"Hello my love."

Jax pulled you into his arms, "you're a sight for sore eyes y/n." You smiled softly, reaching up to stroke his cheek. Jax had turned up at your office mid-morning, having raced home to see you.

"You want to talk about what's got you so upset or you want to deal with it tonight?"

Jax slumped in your arms, "both." You put a hand around his elbow and walked him to the couch in your office.

"Shit's gone to hell. You were right about Clay, his mask is off and he's pissed. I tried to push about Donna more and he told me he kill me if I brought it up again, no matter what you said."

Jax expected you to be angry, "good."

He tilted his head, "he doesn't think I can or will follow through. Underestimating me isn't smart Jackson, if he doesn't see me as a threat I can play him like a cheap flute."

Jax shifted, resting his head on your shoulder. "I'd be lost without you."

You ran a hand over his head, "hey, I need you just as much as you need me."

Jax smiled, "yeah, you need me to reach the top shelf."

You giggled, "that and you're very warm, I get cold at night without you."

He sat up and placed a hand on your cheek, "thank you, I feel a lot better." That was a half-truth, he was still thinking about bending you over whatever surface was available and fucking you until you couldn't stand.

"But I can tell you're still frustrated. My offer is still on the table, if you've still got shit to work through by tonight, I'm here."

His hand landed on your face, his thumb drifting over your lip, "you sure? It's not going to be sweet and romantic."

You turned your head, pressing a kiss to his palm, "nonsense, you're always romantic, even if you're bending me in half."

****

"Where to fuck were you?" Jax rolled his eyes, "seeing my old lady and the mother of my child."

Clay snarled, "don't forget what your main priority is, y/n can look after herself."

Jax's skin started to itch, "you're so fucking ungrateful. In the last few months, she has single handedly ended our war with The Mayans, ensured that the Italians will always be in our debt and tortured two men so we knew what we were dealing with when it comes to Zobelle, not to mention what she did for mum last month."

Everyone was quiet, they still remember Tig's face after church that night, all he kept repeating was how frighting you were. Bobby and Chibs said a quiet thank you, Juice did his best but couldn't find the words and the rest of them acted like it was an expectation and there was no need for thanks.

"ENOUGH." Sam stepped in front of Clay, making sure he didn't swing on Jax. "Both of you stop it. This is insanity, we have the enemy pounding at our door and you're bitching at each other." He stood over Clay. Sam always went out of his way not to make his 6'6 height stand out but not now, he was making sure Clay knew how big he was.

"You're a fucking Marine, pull your fucking head out of your ass and act like it. You have no control over your temper and you can't think ten minutes ahead, we are in the middle of it, unfuck yourself and stop thinking like a POG."

POG Person Other than Grunt, the most insulting thing you can be called by a fellow soldier other than a coward.

Clay stepped back, his eyes wide, "the fuck you say to me."

Sam wasn't having it, "you fucking heard me. You call Jax selfish but you're only thinking about yourself. We wouldn't be here if you and Trager had listened to everyone in the first place and got us out on guns six months ago."

Clay swung at Sam. Sam sidestepped, grabbing Clay's fist, "you want to try that again, old man?" It was like he was a different person, gone was the soft teddy bear, and in its place, a cold killer.

Clay pulled away and turned to Jax, "I should have figured you would sponsor someone so disrespectful." Jax was done, Clay might have well have said that about Thomas had he been alive.

Before Jax could hit him, Bobby stepped in, "that's enough. Sam's right, we have to focus on the bigger issue. Go home and cool off, we'll talk about this tomorrow."

****

A cloud of rage entered your home when Jax walked in, "bad day at work dear?" He grunted, "ok, we can talk about it over dinner if you like. It will be on the table by the time you have shower."

Jax was back downstairs and at the table within ten minutes, "Sam and Ima by themselves tonight?" He nodded and sat down, stabbing at his meal like it was the one that upset him.

"Clay went off again, Sam almost got physical with him."

Jax saw you swallow, "I'm sorry, after Caruso he's on a short fuse. You need to keep an eye on him Jax, I know it might not seem like it but he is a very violent man. I was able to calm him down after Donna but with all the trouble Luanne and the girls have been having, plus Clay, he's ready to blow."

Jax took a deep breath, "If you think he's scary when you spar you haven't seen anything, I've seen him beat men to death without blinking Jax. He'd shoot himself before he ever hurt someone innocent but Clay and Tig aren't really that."

Jax had never heard you this worried before, "yeah I think I saw that today, I'll make sure he doesn't go too far."

You smiled softly, "thank you, you have no idea how grateful I am that you're his friend."

Jax reached across the table and grabbed your hand, "I love you."

You squeezed his hand, "I love you too. Now let me wash the dishes and we can enjoy the rest of our night.

Jax's hand got a little tighter, "I'll wash up. Go to the bedroom, by the time I get up there, I want you naked, on your back, on the bed. Don't even think about touching yourself."

Jax took the opportunity to cool down a bit as he washed up, he could feel the race of his heart as he put away the last dish. Part of him wanted to wait, hoping to catch you disobeying him but the thought of you naked and waiting for him was too much.

He collected a jug of water and some snack bars and headed to the bedroom, pausing by the laundry to put some damped hand towels into the portable warmer you normally reserved for cleaning up on outings.

When he came to the bedroom and opened the door, he felt the anger renew. You were sitting at your vanity, rubbing oil on your nails. "I thought I told you to get naked and lay on the bed." You turned your head and smiled, not getting up. He put the items in his arms down on one of the side tables.

"You didn't say please."

Your disobedience had the desired effect. Jax was stalking over to you, lifting you up by your arm and tossing you onto the bed. "Take off your clothes."

You smirked at him, "make me."

He pulled you towards him by your hips, "take off your clothes, I won't ask again."

You put your lips within touching distance of his, "make me." Jax stepped back, he looked so angry. When he spoke, his tone was calm and not in a good way.

"Unless it's your safeword, or I'm asking you a question, I don't want to hear from you for the rest of the night. Nod if you understand." You went to open your mouth, and Jax's hand clamped over it, "nod if you understand." You nodded and Jax walked away, moving towards the closet, "do not move." You debated getting up, you could hear him getting rope out of the chest.

He was back before you could move, dropping multiple lengths of thick silk rope next to you and kneeling down at your feet, "give me your arms." You kept them by your sides, shooting Jax a defiant look. Jax was yanking you up by your upper arms, ripping off your T-shirt and bending you over, grabbing both your forearm to keep you from moving away.

He shifted, holding your wrists with one hand while he reached down to grab the rope. He threw the rope on the bed, flipped you over, and re-grabbed your hands.

He crossed your wrists, putting a folded up bit of the ruined T-shirt between them as he tied them together so nothing pressed uncomfortably. He bound your wrists in the thick cuff, the knots were expertly done and with each new loop and braid, he checked the tightness and if it would give you rope burn.

When he was done, there was a palm width cuff tie holding both your wrists together, "wiggle your fingers." His tone was soft, his role forgotten for a moment, "anything feels strange or painful? I need a verbal answer gorgeous." You wiggled your fingers and clenched your fist a few times.

"No, I can comfortably move my fingers and there's enough room for me to flex my forearms."

Jax nodded, "good. Now, you're going to do exactly what I tell you to do and maybe I'll let you cum tonight."

He stood over you, one hand holding your cuff wrists before yanking you up the bed and tying you to the headboard. He fluffed the pillow and placed it under your head, loosening the rope and adjuting it so your shoulder and elbows were supported and comfortable before retying your hands back up to the headboard.

"Are you planning on doing anything, or are you just going to stare at me?"

His hand was wrapping around your jaw and chin, being careful not to press on the sides of your face and set off a migraine, "what did I tell you about talking. One more slip up and I promise you won't get off for the rest of the month, let alone tonight."

He picked up the other bits of rope, spread your legs and tied each one to a bedpost, checking in again to make sure you were comfortable. Then he was opening the top drawer. He picked up the wand, the one that ran on wall power and plugged it into the powerboard next to the bed.

Jax put the wand next to your hip, picked up his K-Bar off the bedside table, and slipped it under the fabric of your underpants, slicing the sides. He took in your soft smile, and he had sudden flashes to the day you almost reduced Tig to tears for having a dull knife.

He was going to say something but he noticed the wet patch on the cotton, "at least there are parts of you that aren't defiant." He moved, sitting on the bed next to you. His hands were warm as he ran them over your skin, one made a path up your hip and to your face, turning your head to meet your eyes.

"I think I've been too lenient on you, maybe it's because you're so sweet to me or because I love your fire, but I'm going to fix that tonight and make sure we nip this attitude in the bud." Your raised eyebrows said it all, you can try.

He picked up the wand with one hand, the other resting lovingly on your thigh. He took in the hard look on your face, clearly stealing yourself for what was about to come and smiled. He enjoy the rebellion, it only made the acquiescence sweeter.

You heard the soft buzz and then Jax was putting pressure on your leg so you couldn't twitch away, with that Teller smirk, he pressed the toy to your slit. It was in the lowest setting, just enough to be distracting.

The thumb of the hand on your thigh was rubbing softly, Jax's attention was on your face. When your breath stuttered, he put it up one notch. "Nothing to say?"

He watched your jaw clench, "try harder." He closed his eyes, he didn't know it was possible for intense frustration and madding arousal to exist in the same space.

He turned it up by two, rolling it back and forth over your slit. He watched you suppress a grunt, your eyes moving to stare at the canopy above your head. He held it there, pressing down softly, with another swallow breath, you composed yourself and he shifted the placement of the wand so he could touch you with his other hand.

When his fingertips met your entrance, he groaned. "Jesus Christ you're wet." With agonising slowness, he slid two fingers inside you, then he was scissoring them open while pushing his fingertips against your G-spot. He could feel you getting closer so he turned the wand back down to the lowest setting and paused his fingers.

Other than a wet inhale, you made no indication of the change in touch. When Jax could tell you were away from the edge, he turned the toy back up and moved his fingers again. He watched you carefully, stopping each time you got close and when the time between pausing got shorter and shorter, he spoke.

"Don't you dare cum until I give you permission. If you do, I promise you'll regret it." But he didn't stop, in fact, his fingers became more insistent and the vibrations were ratcheted all the way up.

You whimpered like an animal, turning your head to bury it in the crook of your arm. Jax did not relent, leaning down to kiss your neck. The angle couldn't have been comfortable but he didn't care.

But then he heard a hard grunt you and met his eyes with nothing but determination. Jax had to change his strategy, being harsh clearly wasn't working. He shifted so he was more on top of you and pressed and soft kiss to your lips.

You returned the kiss, your lips pliant against his. You were gasping more, unable to disconnect from the sensation now that he was so close. "Don't you dare."

His voice was tender, the words spoken right into your ears, "I can't hold it any longer."

Jax felt his chest swell, he was winning. "Jax please." He didn't stop and you flew over the edge, contracting around his fingers while you tried to twitch away from the intense sensation.

He touched you gently as you came down from your high, "now what am I going to do with you, huh? If you had just done what I asked you to in the first place we wouldn't be here but you just can't take simple directions."

He tutted and wiped his wet hand on your leg, "you got any ideas?" You opened your mouth slightly, trying to gather some saliva to soothe your dry throat, "can't think?" You shook your head, "what a shame, I guess I'll have to come up with a solution all by myself."

Jax laid on his side next to you, his upper body propped up by his elbow with his skin against yours. He put a hand on your face and ran his thumb over your lower lip. His soft smile had a sinister edge as he turned and kissed his way down your body. When he got to your core, his breath caught in his throat, you were utterly soaked.

"Oh, that must be very uncomfortable. Let me make it better." He kissed your inner thigh, slowly moving to your centre. He dispatched with any teasing when he got there, sucking your clit into his mouth and sliding three of his long, thick fingers inside you.

It was overwhelming, he knew exactly what to do and he was paying attention to each gasp and twitch. He pulled back and slapped the outside of your thigh, "if you tug on the ropes one more time, I will tie you up so tight you won't even be able to think about moving."

You relaxed and he went back to work, his free arm coming to rub your leg. It couldn't have been long before you were ready to cum again, "Jax…I"

You felt him smile, "I know Darlin, you can let go." The words were barely out of his mouth before you reached that peak. He didn't stop, his fingers pushing harder and harder.

"Jax, I can't."

Another slap to your hip, "what did I tell you about talking?" You slammed your head against the pillow and resigned yourself to whatever he had in store for you.

You had no idea how much time had passed, only that the orgasms never seemed to end. He would occasionally pull away to kiss elsewhere and you would be eternally grateful for the momentary break. You must have started crying because you could feel the wetness on your face, if Jax noticed, he didn't let on.

"Please Jax, no more, I can't." Finally, he took pity on you, kissing a path up your body and to your lips. The lower part of his face was wet and your could taste yourself on his skin.

He was still wearing his PJs, stepping back to take them off your eyes raked over him like he was a piece of art. You always looked at him like he was the most attractive thing you had ever seen.

Jax rested his weight on top of you, pushing your hair out of your face and wiping the tears off your cheek. "You good to keep going?" You could feel his cock against your stomach as he lay on top of you.

You nodded and he kissed you, "a nod isn't an answer."

He watched you take a ragged breath, "please, I…..yes Jax."

He smiled lovingly, "I'll go slow."

Jax knew he wasn't going to last long, he had been painfully hard since your first 'fuck you' glare. That didn't matter, you were shaking around him after a handful of soft thrusts. He couldn't hold it any longer, he let out a grunt and came inside you, his hand coming to grip yours.

Jax untied your hands and you wrapped them around him, pulling him into a kiss, "thank you." Jax felt a little lost as he moved to untie your legs, he had spent the last two hours tossing you around, doing whatever he wanted to you and you were thanking him.

He cleaned you up, wincing when you flinched away from the warm towel. You took the water, laying on hand on his as you drank then climbed into his open arms.

Jax was content to just hold you but part of him was worried about the silence, "you doing ok?" As much as you wanted to enjoy the lingering high, Jax's tone let you know it was time to come back to Earth.

"I'm great, amazing in fact." You felt him relax under you, "yeah, that was really fun, we should do it again."

He chuckled, "remind me to ask you again in the morning. You're not sore?"

You shook your head and put your hand on his cheek, "no, not even a little. I'm really grateful that we get to do this stuff together Jax and if I didn't want or enjoy something, I would tell you."

The nasty voice in Jax's head was fading fast, "you have no idea how much I love our time together. It's one of the only things that turns off my brain's constant noise. Truly, it's nice not to have to worry about the world falling to bits because I'm not on top of everything." Jax squeezed you into his arms, every doubt in his mind banished by your honesty.

"However, if you don't coil my ropes back exactly how you found them, I will dye you hair in your sleep. The fabric for those ropes was obscene and if they're not put back right they will fall apart."

Jax laughed, "Of course Darlin."

****

"Are you still that sore?"

Gemma nodded, "I'm just so stiff." You put the cup down, "blunt force trauma causes swelling, there's some meds you can try, I'll write you a list."

Jax came out of the garage, asking his mothers about an old Harley manual. "Hello Chibs." Chibs came in with a smile on his face, "is Kip getting his implant today?"

He nodded, "wee man's completing himself."

Jax kissed you goodbye and left, and you took Gemma to the drug store. You went in and spoke to the pharmacists, handing him the scripts that you got off one of your labmates.

When you came out, Gemma locked eyes with a woman and then she was running after her. She watched the blonde jump into her car and when you went to touch her shoulder, she swung back and you narrowly missed an elbow to the face.

"Are you ok, who was that woman?" She was still staring at the empty car space, "Gem?"

She shook herself off, "she was there the night I was taken."

You nodded, "I'm not surprised, that's Zobelle's daughter."

****

You had just finished an autopsy when you got the call, "Luanne, slow down. What happened to Otto?" She was a mess, all you heard was her stuttering that he was stabbed in the face, "Ok, ok. All I need you to do is authorise me to see his intake form and talk to his doctors, we'll go from there."

Half an hour later, you got the call from Stockton, it was bad. The moment you hung up, you called Jax.

"Jackson, are you busy."

He could hear by your tone that something was wrong, "is Abel ok?"

Abel was fine, tossing his toy around the crib next to your desk, "Abel's fine, have your heard about Otto."

There was a pause, "no, is he ok?"

You took a deep breath, "did any of you talk to Zobelle today?" There was a huff, "Clay did. He went after him for protection money."

You put your head in your hands, "Otto's been stabbed in the face, he's lost his good eye. When I got off the phone to Luanne, I got Anvil's analyst to do some digging, it had to be the Aryans."

Jax took in your clipped, to the point summary, "this is Clay's fault, he won't fucking listen to anyone."

You shook your head, "I know my love, but right now we can't do anything. When I get off work, I'm going to go see Luanne and the girls then talk to your mum and I'll call you back ok?"

"Ok Darlin, let Luanne know we're here for her."

****

It was late afternoon by the time you were able to check in on Gemma, "How are you after this morning? That running couldn't have been fun."

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She wasn't.

"Gem you need to talk to someone, this isn't good for your health."

There was silence, "I know what it's like. When I was sixteen and in college, my first boyfriend attacked me, almost managed to rape me after bashing my head in. You can't keep it to yourself, it will eat you alive."

She turned to you, "does Jax know?"

You nodded, "I told him a few days after we got together. It was tough and I was terrified he'd stop loving me but he was good about it. I felt he needed to know, if anything just to explain the occasional nightmare."

She took a deep breath, "Clay's not as understanding."

You handed her a card, "I've made an appointment for you, a counsellor who works at the museum. She nice and she'll help you, you're going to see her or I'll have you charged with attempted assault."

The guys had just finished church so you and Gemma walked out to sit with them at the picnic tables. "Did it go the way you wanted it?"

Jax nodded, "yeah, it's all good for now."

Jax put his arm around you, and tilted his head towards Opie and Lyla, "they seem cosy."

You smiled, "yes, they do."

"SHIT" You looked towards to source of the noice and Chibs was running at breakneck speed away from the grey van in the lot.

BANG

There was a fireball that engulfed the car and Chibs was thrown clear off the ground. Jax and the rest of the guys were towards him, "DON'T TOUCH HIM." Jax paused before his instinct to shake Chibs took over. Sam ran to your car to get a spinal collar while you went over to Chibs.

"If he has spinal damage and you move him, he could die." Sam placed the collar around his neck while you called 911 and checked him over.

"Hello my name is Dr y/n, I need an ambulance there's been a blast and a man has been injured. Late forties, early fifties, decent health, no preexisting conditions to my knowledge, bleeding from a head wound."

You turned to Jax, "you guys have a real problem on your hands.

He looked over his bleeding friend, "I know."

Part 29

Another super long chapter, please let me know what you think. I've noticed there are a lot of new readers and I'm very happy to have you here.

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8ball-wizard · 2 years

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So how does one cope with losing an awesome weed smoking mom? Asking for me. Idk how long it's been for you and if you have anything you'd feel comfortable sharing about it.

oh god what a heavy question. a good one, but damn, okay.

i think my best advice for when you lose someone is to definitely be ready for literally any emotion about it. grief is an amalgamation of every overwhelming feeling you could possibly feel at once, and whichever one's strongest is the one you've gotta roll with when it hits. I spent time angry, miserably sad, uncomfortably relieved, and lost. lost, lost, lost. all of it makes you feel like you're going to die, too, but none of it will kill you. you just gotta sit with the feelings and feel them. the only way out is through.

you never stop grieving either! three years on, i'm not constantly drowning, but birthdays, holidays, and the day she died are still "hide under the blankets" days. shit, my birthday's in less than a week and it's already bittersweet. and it's always gonna be the same thought: "they should be here. it's fucking unfair that they're not here." it's true every time.

reach out to people. talk about it with your family, or find a local group, or just hit up someone who went through it, too. losing family at any age fucking sucks. losing them young is genuinely the goddamn worst

also, don't be afraid to look into grief counseling or therapy. that shit's MADE for helping you unpack and process everything you're feeling.

and, last bit: find a way to feel connected to them. i'm not particularly religious, but i think there's a million ways to feel someone's with you after they're gone. i pay more attention to politics and science and tech because i know she liked staying in the know. i watch weird movies and YouTube drama because it's what she did with a lot of her time. i got back into photography because she would be proud that i didn't give up after all.

it's not easy. but it's an incredibly universal pain. you're not alone, it'll get easier to manage, and, eventually, thinking about them will be a splash instead of a tidal wave. if you want to talk about it, feel free to message me.

#paint-pan #i have completely forgotten how to make a reply private #and also i think this advice might help some ppl?#idk i'm not a grief expert #asks

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multi-lefaiye · 1 year

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hi hi multi! I was wondering if I could get a ramble about some of your favourite dating sims? the stream the other day was v fun ^-^

oh hi hi hello logan!!! :D yeah sure!!! i love talking about dating sims ASDFJKL; i just think they're neat <3

so i think i'll talk about like. a few dating sims i love, some things i like about them, and then my favorite route(s).

fair warning, some of these games have some triggering content! i'll try not to go into detail, and i probably won't go into specifics, but still! fair warning.

1 - star days

okay so the one i was playing on stream was called star days, made by the artist pacthesis! she doesn't make games anymore and unfortunately has taken her games off the internet, but i have this one and my other favorite of hers saved <3

star days is about a group of people from different universes coming together to journey to a mythical place called The Constellations, with the intent of resurrecting people they've loved and lost.

it's less about the romance and more about the grief counseling. like the dating is fun but everyone's MOVING ON!!!

all the characters (except cil) are endearing to me in their own ways, but my favorite endings:

platonic ending - the main characters all find reasons to live and move on and remain best friends, going on adventures together and exploring other universes and beyond.

quoto - quoto is just the perfect man- idk i just think he's super sweet?? like the themes around his storyline are a lot about the importance (or lack thereof) in appearances and i think that's just neat.

vanni - MOVING ON AFTER A TRAGEDY AND FINDING REASONS TO LIVE AFTER LOSING IT ALL... MWAH MWAH.

2 - number days

so this is another pacthesis game! actually the last one she completed in full before leaving the internet for a while.

ANYWAY the premise around this one is that a group of people who visit a new amusement park that opens one day and end up mysteriously trapped inside, with no one else around. they each receive mysterious text messages from an unknown number saying this: "your time here will run out when your number reaches zero." and from that moment on, their phones display a number between 0 and 100.

it's SUCH an interesting game to me with really cool storylines imo!!! like it's definitely aged a little poorly, but i think it's a fascinating narrative. even romance aside, i love the characters and i genuinely can't pick a favorite.

this is also the other pacthesis game i have archived so we can play this on stream as well :3c

in terms of favorite routes.... i think my favorite one is arlo's route. it makes me so so sad and it's so so sweet and it really hammers homes these themes of like... loneliness and self love and acceptance. it's good shit. also arlo's just a cutie, even if he's kind of a weirdo <3

the platonic ending here is also a delight!!! though i don't remember all the details about it except that it made me cry the first time i got it <3

3 - mystic messenger

ohhh i could say so much about this game. it definitely has a lot of issues, especially in its writing (and especially in its portrayal of mental health and specifically more stigmatized disorders), but god i was fixated on this game for YEARS. i've played it so many times.

mystic messenger is a dating sim that follows real-time, each run taking place over the course of 11 days. the basic premise is that the player ends up joining a secret charity organization called the RFA, and as they work with this group they slowly start to uncover more and more of its secrets.

one thing i love about mysmes is that, like.... to get the full picture, you do have to do every character's route. every character's storyline reveals a little more of the story, to the point that i actually have a recommended order i give people for doing the routes if they play this X3 it also has a ton of different endings to explore!

the only downside is that uh. it's a time commitment. if you don't keep up with the game you can get a *real* nasty ending. and this game also gets dark as FUCK at times, like the player can die and so can most of the love interests-

anyway i love all the characters in this game for the most part, so it's hard to pick a favorite! 707 is a huge comfort character for me, though, and his route means so much to me. it really hits home with me personally in so many ways.

even though i always tell people to do his route last ASDFJKL;

4 - mechat

ok i just wanna give an honorary mention to mechat b/c that's the one i'm playing right now- fair warning, though, this game is SIGNIFICANTLY more nsfw than the other two here!!!! like. holy fuck. do not check this out if you're a minor or otherwise not interested in spicy content. (though i think the adult content can be turned off in settings.)

mechat is fun because it's like... fictional tinder. you can match with as many characters as you'd like and explore their storylines. not all of them are fun, but they're all interesting imo.

my favorite so far is shion b/c he's a beautiful man with long red hair who has several warrants out for his arrest and takes you on a date to do arson together. what a guy <3

i also love the sheer confidence this game has in never explaining the supernatural elements. like yeah some of these characters are regular ass people. some of them are demons. some are aliens. some are cryptids. deal with it.

another thing that's interesting to me about mechat is that some characters have counterparts with alternate designs and names--the storylines don't change, but you can swap 'em out if you don't like their faces i guess.

5 - monster prom series

so i have yet to play these games by myself but i've played all of them with friends and my partner and just??? so fun??? i love it. they're so fun and interesting and delightful. these games have a special place in my heart, both for the sheer silliness and wacky hijinks and the memorable characters! also the queerness all throughout them.

i also do love that in the first game there's a storyline centering around one of the potential love interests being aroace and talking about like. boundaries and consent and becoming really good friends with them rather than dating them or seducing them. i've heard some complaints about how this storyline is handled, but tbh i think it's fun <3

i have a hard time picking favorites in this series, but i love calculester so so much <333 and milo <3333333 and moss mann <3333

anyway yeah these are some of my favorite dating sims!! there are some i may be forgetting but ye i love these <3

#talk to the bunnykitty #logan!!!#mysmes posting #maybe i should just make a tag called #dating sim posting #yeah there we go #romance cw

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i-mybrunettelady · 2 years

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Magician, Emperor, and Hermit for El and Nyra?

This is a long boye anon, you've been warned, it's Nyra and El after all

Magician - Making a deliberate decision, taking action, experiencing a sensation of power, deep thought.

Balthazar's death brought about a time of faith crisis to Nyra, who is religious and values faith a lot in her life. But there was a moment, just as she was watching him disintegrate and before she flew back and hit her head and promptly lost consciousness, where she felt powerful, more powerful than she had up until that point in her life. She'd killed a god, Balthazar no less. Through her own means and resourcefulness, she'd managed to take down a god. If that doesn't give you a power rush, I don't know what will. Unfortunately, it lasted only for a few seconds before she hit her head and before she was off facing yet another internal crisis in her life.

El's always been a very driven person, so taking action is his MO. Some of those actions are deliberate and some accidental, but you won't ever see him sit down and be passive. A decision that was both incredibly stupid, incredibly brave, deliberate and driven by pure instinct of his Wyld Hunt that had come knocking big time after Hearts and Minds, is dragging Trahearne's body all the way from Maguuma to Durmand Priory while recovering from his injuries. Of course he had help but I personally think the helpers were a little too scared of him, knowing his temper and knowing he's now fully convinced the sixth stage of grief is arson, to refuse him. (He was also very enraged by the whole thing and it was so much worse than usual, he tried killing Nyra but was stopped by Rytlock, everyone in their right mind would both be scared OF and FOR him.)

Emperor - Building and imposing structure or order, taking command, applying/enforcing laws, enforcing tradition.

Both of them are very chaotic individuals so structure and/or order isn't really their natural forte. Nyra had an upper hand here because she was prepared for military, that inherently requires order and structure, so she could curb her Lyssa-given instincts a little, while El takes those things badly.

However, one thing that stands out about Nyra is that she'd always known she was going to be in charge of an army. It was even her future in the family - Deborah goes into the Ministry, Nyra goes into the Seraph. And I don't mean this in a way of "oh mommy and daddy will buy me the position" but in the way of "i'll earn it and be damn good at it" so it's as if it never really occurred to her that when she joined the Vigil, she would have to start as a rookie. Forgal was very pleased with that, surely.

One of the core characteristics of El's research is that it doesn't always have traditional scientific order. To quote @uselessidiotsquad: his train of thought can go from point A to point G to point B to point 🟥 back to point A and then end up with a conclusion somehow. There is internal structure, but one only he can successfully utilise, so trying to follow his instructions to his experiments and research is very hard a lot of the time, as is trying to get him as he's explaining it.

Hermit - Introspection, solitude, offering/being offered counsel, taking advice, seeking a truth or the self.

bruh this question for the two of them.. polar opposites...

El sucks at all these things. Absolutely does. For a longest time he believed he had to do everything by himself and that only he knows best and he never really questioned his conclusions till they backfired on him, but now he's getting better at being offered counsel and listening to other people sometimes. Introspection is also a huge one. It made him uncomfortable because he knew he'd find fragility he absolutely hated so he just avoided it altogether. It's always been easier to blame other people than admit that he was in the wrong too. Nowadays, with a more firm grip on his true self, he's able to engage in some soul-searching and it's reflected in the way he's obviously calmer, his anger is slowly becoming sarcasm, he's slowly becoming more and more cognizant of when he's about to lose his confrontational temper and tries to walk away from the situation if he can (with varying levels of success - El loves fighting and conflict, it's not easy) and he's less volatile. He still needs therapy, though. *whispers* D'ywanna try to get him to therapy, guys?

On the opposite side of the beam, Nyra's done a lot of introspection since Maguuma. Before that she did do it, but it was always tempered with by some pride; now, with the pride having been corroded by the guilt, she can engage with herself on a more deeper level. Too deep, sometimes. She tends to take the responsibility for everything and somehow always find a way to make sure she's at fault in some way for the thing that's gone wrong. She knows her worst enemy is herself and it's something she's been working towards healing for years now. But that also means that she knows her strengths and her weaknesses, especially after Icebrood.

#gw2 #ask meme #alysannyra #elandrin aien #sorry for the long post #these two always get me wordy

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likethecities · 2 years

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the tales of symphonia party, rated by how much they need therapy:

i recently fell ass over teakettle back into symphonia hell, a game i played literally seventeen (17) years ago. every single character here needs therapy.

Lloyd: for a kid adopted after the gruesome death of a parent he's doing pretty well! good job dirk for raising a mentally stable child. 3/10 is still unpacking everything to do with kratos but he has at least 3 adults to talk to about it and a track record of actually talking about his feelings so honestly, he'll get there just fine

Colette: definitely needs a therapist for those self-worth issues. however, she is also aware she has those issues and actively wants to improve, which is half the battle. 7.5/10 with a gold star because you know she would immediately tell all of her friends how helpful therapy can be.

Genis: get this boy some grief counseling. 5/10

Raine: has probably thought “oh that's an issue I should deal with sometime” at least once a month for the last 15 years but immediately shoved it back down because she didn’t have the time or mental capacity to do so. will not realize she needs therapy until genis grows up and starts living on his own. 7/10

Sheena: at the beginning of the game sheena was a 8/10 for unexamined and PTSD, but by the end of it she's conquered her fear of Volt, let go of (some of) her guilt over Mizuho, and has her grandfather back. 5/10 still needs to unpack that "post" in post-traumatic stress of but making great progress.

Zelos: 15/10 holy fuck this boy has so many problems. oh my god. oh jesus. help him

Presea: not only does presea need to unpack 16 years of suppressed emotions and delayed grief, she's about to go through puberty. can you imagine going through puberty at age 28? i would be appalled. help her. 8/10

Regal: throwing yourself into jail due to your unwilling but justifiable involvement in the death of your lover isn't, per se, a healthy way to cope, but it did give him time to grieve. now that he's dedicated himself to improving the world in her memory, he's doing much better. king of going to therapy because he has his life together and knows that it's time to do the mental work to heal instead of assuming that everything is fine. also, once he starts getting therapy he, like colette, will probably tell the entire world to get therapy, and he has the power to put therapy on the lezareno company health policy. 5/10 make us proud

#tales of symphonia #i think i'm funny #lloyd irving #colette brunel #genis sage #raine sage #sheena fujibayashi #zelos wilder #presea combatir #regal bryant #not doing the kharlan war quartet because all of them need so much therapy but none of them would ever get it #well yuan might #but his version of therapy is just talking at the great tree until he mentally processes something so idk if that actually counts

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scarletarosa · 3 years

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Dionysus

Greek god of madness, wine, vegetation, fruitfulness, virility, pleasure, festivity, frenzy, and theatre

Dionysus (also known as Bacchus and Liber) is the chaotic god who roams the wilds and indulges in the sensations which life has to offer. He is the inventor of wine and the one who inspires others to free themselves from their chains; leading them away into ecstatic freedom. Dionysus' sacred animals are the leopard, panther, bull, and serpent. Leopards/panthers were sacred to Dionysus due to their wild and often chaotic natures whereas bulls and serpents were sacred due to them representing male fertility. The god was said to ride on the back of a panther or drive a chariot drawn by a pair of them. His sacred plants are the grapevine, ivy, bindweed (prickly ivy) and pine tree. Devotees of the god wore wreaths of ivy and carried pine-cone tipped staffs.

Epithets: Ælefthæréfs (the liberator), Ærívromos (loud-roaring), Agnós (holy and pure), Ágrios (wild/savage), Ánax (lord; king), Aigovólos (goat-slayer), Anthéfs (blooming; crowned with flowers), Áreios (war-like), Chrysopes (golden faced), Corniger (the horned one), Dasýllios (wanderer of the woods), Dændrítis (lord of trees), Diphÿís (of dual nature), Ebon (youthful), Efkarpos (the fruitful), Efklayes (glorious), Elelikhthon (earth-shaking), Ephaptor (the caresser), Erivremetes (loud-thundering), Eucheus (pouring freely [of wine]), Evantís (decked with flowers), Evvouléfs (of good counsel), Hyes (lord of fertilizing moisture), Igiates (the healer), Kharidóhtis (joy-giver), Kissós (of ivy), Krýphios (the hidden one).

Dionysus was usually depicted as a handsome, long-haired young man who was usually clothed in a long robe (chiton) and cloak (himation) and crowned with a wreath of ivy-leaves. In some depictions, the god is shown with bull horns on his head. His attributes included the thyrsos (a pine-cone tipped staff), a drinking cup, and a crown of ivy. He was usually accompanied by a troop of Satyrs (goat-men of virility) and Maenades (wild female devotees). During his festivals, Dionysus was said to rush through the woods with the Maenads and tear apart wild animals with frenzic glee while also having drunken orgies with each other. He is also called both by Greeks and Romans as Bacchus (Bakchos), that is, the noisy or riotous god, which was originally a mere epithet of Dionysus.

As far as the nature and origin of the god Dionysus is concerned, he appears in all traditions as the embodiment of chaotic power in nature, whereas Apollo is mainly a refined deity. Dionysus is the productive, overflowing, and intoxicating power of nature, which carries humans away from their usual quiet and sober mode of living. Wine is the most natural and appropriate symbol of that power, and it is therefore called "the fruit of Dionysus". Dionysus is, therefore, the god of wine; the inventor and teacher of its cultivation, the giver of joy, and the disperser of grief and sorrow. Though he also represents both effects of wine- the ecstatic blissful side, as well as the violent, maddening side. He is of the bright, joyous Sun as well as the maddening and unknowable Moon.

Mythology: In myth, Dionysus was said to be the son of Zeus and the princess Semele of Thebes. During the course of her pregnancy, Zeus’ wife, Hera, tricked Semele into asking Zeus to appear before her in his full glory. Bound by oath, the god was forced to comply and she was consumed by the heat of his lightning-bolts. Zeus recovered their unborn child from her body, sewed him up in his own thigh, and carried him to term. After Dionysus’ birth from the thigh of Zeus, Dionysus was first entrusted to the care of Seilenos (Silenus) and the nymphs of Mount Nysa, and later to his aunt Ino, Semele's sister, and her husband Athamas. Some versions say Zeus instead entrusted him to Hermes, or to Persephone or Rhea. Hera was now urged on by her jealousy to throw Ino and Athamas into a state of madness, who then killed both of their children and themselves. Zeus, in order to save his child, changed him into a ram, and carried him to the nymphs of mount Nysa, who brought him up in a cave, and were afterwards rewarded for it by Zeus, by being placed as Hyades among the stars.

During Dionysus’ young adulthood, he traveled the lands- teaching people of wine and of his divinity. The Thrakian king Lykourgos attacked Dionysus and his companions as they were travelling through his land and drove them into the sea. As punishment, the god inflicted him with madness causing him to murder his wife and son and then mutilate himself with an axe. King Pentheus of Thebes refused to accept the god's divinity and tried to apprehend him. Dionysus retaliated by driving the king's daughters into a crazed frenzy and they tore him apart limb from limb. As Dionysus was travelling through the islands of the Aegean Sea, he was captured by a band of Tyrrhenian pirates who planned to sell him into slavery. The god, however, could not be shackled or tied down; the bindings slipped away from him each time as Dionysus simply smiled. He then changed the mast and oars into serpents, and himself into a panther; he filled the vessel with creeping vines of ivy and the sound of flutes, so that the pirates, who were seized with madness, leaped into the sea, where they were transformed into dolphins.

Appearance: Dionysus is a tall, attractive man in his late 30’s with long, wavy brown hair, brown eyes, strong facial features, and fair skin. He typically wears a white Greek robe with sandals and adorns his hair with ivy. He tends to be rather alluring in his appearance and basically looks how an ancient Greek male model would appear.

Personality: In my experiences with Dionysus, he is very outgoing, charming, creative, flirtatious, laid-back, and can be impulsive. He loves all forms of pleasure, especially wine and sex. Dionysus has stated that he usually likes to go around seducing women, but also likes to seduce effeminate men since he enjoys dominating them. In his good-natured mood, Dionysus is friendly, jovial, and charismatic; welcoming others to join him in the enjoyable experiences of life. He says that he does not require his followers to partake in drinking alcohol or having sex, but simply seeks those who wish to feel free and unhindered by the constraints of society. Thus is the reason for his worship often taking place out in the wilds. In Dionysus’ darker side however, he can be extremely destructive and terrifying.

He typically hates overly serious people, being too organized, strictness, and those who harm innocent creatures for no reason. When a person harms an innocent, Dionysus’ mood takes a drastic change and his form changes into something horrifying. His eyes become blood-red and his mouth deforms into a large serpent-like mouth with enormous fangs, then he attacks the person in a wild frenzy. His terror can cause petrification and madness in those who see him and they rapidly get torn apart. When angered, Dionysus becomes the Devourer of Flesh and either consumes his enemies or causes disturbing hallucinations and intense horror. Yet with most people, Dionysus is very entertaining to be around and often likes to make sexual jokes or tease, but he can become a bit serious when the need arises. He is very up-lifting and likes to teach people how to have fun with their lives and become less emotionally burdened by the demands of society. He loves things such as racing (especially horse racing) gambling, orgies, forest groves, and just enjoying himself in general.

Dionysus has explained himself to be an aspect (shard) of the elder deity of virility, Set, who had also produced other aspects of himself such as Cernunnos, Pan, and Bes. The aspects are all One deity in essence, but due to free-will, they are independent from one another which allows them to have separate (yet very similar) personalities and desires.

Offerings: wine, sparkling wine, white wine with pine resin (retsina), figs, grapes, pomegranates, apricots, potatoes, cauliflowers, eggplants, broccoli, horseradish, beetroot, parsnips, spring onions, strawberries, watermelon, peaches, cheese, lamb, goat, veal, chicken, cheeseburgers, ravioli with minced beef, chicken korma, lamb’s tongue, cow liver, chicken hearts, ram brains, coconuts, coconut oil, kumquat, ivy, pinecones, pinecone cores, chestnuts, walnuts, raisins, ritual goblets, tambourines, honey-coloured beads, tigers eye, watermelon tourmaline, chrysoberyl, amethyst, bull’s eye stone, dildos, various sex toys, canes, cum, bull figurines, leopard or panther figurines, incense of poppy, opium, or pine resin

#dionysus #dionysos #bacchus #liber #greek gods #greek deities #roman deities #hellenic polytheism #hellenism #roman polytheism #deity work

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spn-romantica · 3 years

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So I watched SPN for years, right up until the end of S11, when they brought back Mary. I heard that S15 would be the last season, and I was like ‘oh ok I’ll rewatch (for like the 8th time) and finish SPN then’ BUT THEN 15x18 happened and I was violently pulled back into the SPN fandom. I still haven’t caught up fully watching yet, but I’ve read so much discourse now...and I have thoughts. Hypotheses currently. I’ll wait to finish the whole show for real to call any of this theories but, I wanted to record my thoughts.

They’re about Chuck. As a villain. Which weirds me out. As an antagonist? Sure. As evil? No. Can’t envision it. I just finished my rewatch of S5 and, damn, but if Chuck is the ultimate villain, S5 reads very differently. :0

But I recently saw a post comparing Dean’s reaction in 1x18 (I believe) to his in 10x05 (for sure) about when someone mentions his mother’s death. In 1x18, it’s Sam when they were children and Dean gets angry. In 10x05, it’s a group of high school girls and Dean just bops his head along to the song. The post was framing it as 10x05 not understanding Dean’s thoughts about his mother, but I think that both episodes understand Dean. When Dean is a child, the trauma over his mother’s murder is still fresh. By 10x05, the event is 70 years in the past. Of course it still affects Dean. Of course. You never really get over something like that. But I’d argue that after 70 years, Dean has moved through the stages of grief to acceptance. It still hurts, but like an old ache, not a fresh, still-bleeding wound.

Interestingly, 10x05 is when we see Chuck, after a long absence. He’s watching the play, probably happy that someone loves his work enough to even make a musical, but he is also watching the Winchesters. The actual episodes of the show, aka the books Chuck writes, are what Chuck knows/cares about regarding the Winchesters. Despite being God, I’d argue he doesn’t pay attention to every second and all the little minutia of the boys’ lives. So, here in 10x05, we have confirmation that Chuck is around to see that Dean has healed from his mother’s death.

Later, in S11, Dean acts as therapist/life counsellor to Chuck/God, regarding Amara and Lucifer. And it works! Dean teaches God about family and about healing. Why does God listen to Dean Winchester, a random human? Perhaps it is because of S1-5. Perhaps it is because Dean and Sam were part of God’s test, as God himself describes it in 5x22.

What was the test? Was it God’s experiment about choice and free will? About freedom vs peace? Or, perhaps, was God trying to understand sibling relationships? He and Amara are two faces of the same coin. They are siblings, but with very different outlooks and it caused a rift between them, caused Chuck to seal Amara away before she could destroy his creations. Chuck regretted this, but saw it as a necessary betrayal. But then, some time later, Chuck’s angelic children experience their own betrayal and sibling rift. Lucifer tries to turn the angels against God, rebel and reject God. He makes demons, for sure, and maybe even Hell. But why? God figures that Lucifer was maybe jealous of the new baby (humans) like others in the show postulates. Or maybe Lucifer had beef specifically with Michael, because humans are little more than amoebas from an angelic perspective. Aside from Castiel, Anna and a handful of other angels, angels consistently view humans as humans might view dust mites. Maybe humans were the cause of the rift between Michael and Lucifer, but it was Michael and Lucifer’s relationship that needed fixing in the end, regardless.

So God is left with the sad conclusion that maybe close siblings will inevitably betray each other and be unable to forgive and heal. He wants to heal with Amara. But he also wants Michael and Lucifer to be able to heal. (It doesn’t occur to God that maybe Lucifer’s problem was never with humanity or Michael; it was with God.)

So God has research to do, to see if it’s possible for siblings to experience such deep betrayal and still heal. He turns to his little hairless apes, the only sentient species on Earth with potential to parallel the angels. He starts testing siblings. Cain and Abel are first up. Needless to say, but the betrayal was too strong and left no room for healing. But on down the line of Cain, God continues testing. Eventually, we come to Sam and Dean.

God has scheduled Michael and Lucifer’s family counselling session for 2010. All the data up to this point says it can only end badly. Maybe it’ll half-kill the Earth, but it’s finally time for Michael and Lucifer to meet and for one of them to die. God isn’t happy about this conclusion, but it’s what the data says. So, finally, the last test subjects, the last in the line who will be the vessels for Michael and Lucifer’s showdown, arrive. Sam and Dean Winchester are to be the last sibling test. The conclusion seems foregone at this point, but there is no point in cancelling the last bit of the test after so long, so it continues. God watches. And Sam and Dean surprise God. Siblings after siblings had failed for millennia to heal. Betrayals too strong, healing too little, too late. But Sam and Dean. no matter how badly they hurt each other, find a way to come back together and heal. They don’t give up on each other, despite millennia of data to the contrary. Still, the angels and demons push and push at Sam and Dean until their rift is as wide and as deep as Michael and Lucifer’s, as God’s and Amara’s (in late S4). It seems, despite the brothers’ best efforts earlier on, it’s all for naught.

But there is a further element of randomness, something God couldn’t foresee. Castiel. God hasn’t had occasion for romantic love in his own experience, so he is entirely blind to what choices Castiel is likely to make. He provides an element of randomness to the experiment, an essential part that gives Dean the ultimate chance to go back to Sam and begin to heal (4x22).

Throughout S5, Sam and Dean heal. There is hurt, still, of course, but they love each other and forgive each other. By 5x22, they’ve surprised everyone. Even the angels have given up on turning them against each other, and have shrugged and settled for using Nick and Adam as the vessels for the showdown. Sam and Dean passed their test. They were siblings who betrayed each other and healed from it. God reconsiders how family counselling will go with Michael and Lucifer. He figured it would be the Apocalypse, the end of the problems between Michael and Lucifer, as one of them dies, as had always happened before. But, Sam and Dean showed God, that though it is rare, it is possible to heal. So God gives Sam and Dean an out. He gives Sam the strength to seize back control from Lucifer, should things go south.

Finally, the showdown arrives. Michael and Lucifer meet. They talk things out. To God’s surprise, Lucifer reveals that he never had a problem with Michael. He had forgiven Michael long ago. But Michael couldn’t forgive Lucifer. He had to be a ‘good son’ and do what he thought God wanted him to do. But Michael didn’t realise, that God doesn’t give orders. Free will all the way, baby! But the whole thing comes as a surprise. Apparently, all this time, the problem relationship wasn’t siblings, it was parents.

Oops.

Good thing God had a back-up plan.

Sam throws himself and Lucifer (and Michael and Adam) into the Cage. Michael and Lucifer have an eternity to figure things out between each other now. But that’s beside the point. The point is, now, that God has to start testing all over again. Not how to fix sibling relationships, but how to fix parent-child relationships.

God restores Castiel, perhaps for a few reasons because God exists outside of time, but originally it may have been just for one. He likes Castiel. He is impressed that Castiel invented free will for himself, broke free of angelic programming (multiple times over), and did it all for love. It’s novel. It’s interesting. God might even think it’s sweet. But God has had time later, and thought about it, and he has a plan. And Castiel is essential.

But Dean Winchester is the key.

Sam and Dean’s relationship with their own father has been strained, but both boys find a way to forgive John his flaws and failings, and love him. Whenever they do get a chance to see him again, post his death, they don’t hate him. They’ve healed. John’s relationship with Sam and Dean is one point of data, Abraham and Isaac another. There are many data points that God can reflect back on and consider.

But as S6 through S10 roll on, God watches Sam and Dean and Castiel. He even watches Crowley and Rowena for another data point. Dean is his main focus, however. (This is a little meta, but as the story focuses more on Dean than Sam post S5, it ties in. Prior to S6, both Sam and Dean were essential - the sibling test. Now, post S5, the parent test, Dean is the most essential. Of course, Sam and Castiel are important too. But Dean is key.)

Dean is a good father. He was a good father to Sam, even when he was only 6 years old himself. He was a good father to Ben. He was willing to die for Bobby John. He’s always good with kids. Not only that, but Dean is blunt enough, brave enough, and crazy enough to tell God to God’s face what he thinks. God needs Dean’s advice, his perspective and opinion on family relationships, but he also needs to see what Dean would do if he were in God’s shoes.

[Edit (1/04/21): After seeing Michael and Lucifer (mostly) heal, and after seeing Sam and Dean heal their relationship, God finally has hope for him and Amara. So God logically wants to retrieve Amara from her prison. But how? Well, he could just wander on up to Cain and do it himself, but what would Amara say? “So I see you’ve come crawling back, eh, Chucky?” She wouldn’t be impressed with God. She wouldn’t understand, because she’s hopeless too. SO how to give her hope? How to make her see that she and God can be okay again? Why, stick her near Dean Winchester, of course! So God sets things up for Dean to get and lose the Mark of Cain, thereby ensuring that Amara will feel a connection to Dean and stick around him/keep him alive long enough for Dean to work his life-coach magic.]

In S11, God and Amara heal their relationship because of the hope Sam and Dean gave God, and also the direct advice Dean gives God. God and Lucifer, not so much.

God needs more data. He needs to see what Dean would do. In comes Castiel’s relevance. God sets things up so that Lucifer can have a son. A nephil. Jack. And God points Castiel in Jack’s direction, trusting Castiel’s ability for unconditional love to keep Jack alive long enough for the experiment. Castiel becomes Jack’s father. But Castiel will never betray Jack, the way God betrayed Lucifer. And, besides, Castiel isn’t the target of this experiment. But it is Castiel’s relationship with Dean Winchester that provides the link needed to get the experiment rolling.

Because Jack is Castiel’s son, he is therefore Sam and Dean’s nephew. Except, God has been watching Castiel and Dean. And, frankly, their romantic love for each other is so obvious even God cannot miss it. Through Castiel, Dean sees Jack as his son too. He loves Jack, exactly like a son. In this way, Dean parallels God, and Jack parallels Lucifer.

But God knows Dean would not easily turn on any child, let alone his own child. So God had a plan for that too. One that Amara helped him with.

They brought back Mary Winchester.

Mary is the one person in existence whose loss would hurt Dean enough to spur him to action. So, she was brought back to die. It was a matter of only a few years of gentle prodding to get everything in position. Jack causes Mary’s death. Dean is faced with a horrible decision. If Jack can kill Mary, what’s to say that Sam and Castiel wouldn’t be next? Mary’s death is like everything beginning all over again for Dean as well. Her first death set off a chain reaction, a series of unfortunate events that spanned decades and nearly caused the ruination of not only Dean’s life, but Sam’s and John’s and even the world. That scar, which had healed as well as it could after 70 years, that God saw was healed in 10x05, has been violently opened up again. It’s the only thing that could force Dean’s hand, that could get him to betray Jack and try to kill him. If Jack had killed Sam or Castiel, it wouldn’t have had the same effect. Both Sam and Castiel had died and come back so many times, and while it would hurt Dean and make him doubt Jack, their deaths would be a sacrifice that Dean would feel obligated to respect, to give Jack a second chance like they would both want. (And God has been laying the groundwork for Dean, convincing him that Jack is evil, will be evil like Lucifer, can’t be allowed to live. All things God has thought about Lucifer over time. Was Lucifer inherently evil? Was their rift inevitable?)

So, here it is. The big test. Will Dean kill Jack? Will he betray Jack and cause an unhealable rift? Or will he find a way to heal, like he did with Sam against all the odds?

And, once again, Dean impresses God. He refuses to kill Jack.

But now we’re in the endgame. Sam, Dean and Castiel are aware that Jack’s life was only on the line because of God. It’s not something they can forgive, or understand. They’re all God’s guinea pigs, and while he loves his guinea pigs, he knows he’s hurt them in the name of science, of knowledge. or healing, and God can’t undo what he’s done. Free will is linear, after all. So it is time for the Winchesters, Castiel and Jack included, to be done with God. God is done with them, too. It’s time for them to be free and at peace. The experiments are done. God has decided not to kill Lucifer. He has decided to try to heal. He can get Lucifer out of the Empty and talk and try to fix things. He has forever to fix things, now that he knows he can. (The last element of this, Jack forgiving Dean for trying to kill him, is something I have limited knowledge of, but I am under the impression happens so... To be added in the edit once I finish the series.)

But the only way the Winchesters will be able to rest, is if they think God, the last and greatest villain, is out of the way. They know they’ve been manipulated their whole lives, first towards the sibling experiment and now the parent experiment, so they need to think God is gone so they can feel secure in their free will once more. Truthfully, God never took their free will. He set them up in situations, maybe even gave a bio-chemical nudge of anger (Dean) or attraction (Sam and Eileen) every now and then. But the choices were always theirs. Still, God knows they won’t see it that way. So he sets things up so that they can defeat him.

He lets them win. He wants them to win. They cannot defeat God, after all. It’s not God’s time, and Death is the only one who can claim God in the end, as the two embrace as friends and walk to the next existence. But the Winchesters need this, and so God allows it. A last gift, to the beings who have been such help, hope and inspiration to him.

With an eye for an eventual S16, 15x20 is written to be ‘an ending’ but also one that could easily be reframed as a bad dream.

For example...

Unfortunately, after Jack, suped up on a extra Grace God lent him, restores the Earth and expends all the Grace (”giving up the mantle of God so that their is no God, no plans, only Free Will”), and Dean, Sam and Jack head back to the Bunker to regroup and gather the ingredients to do the spell to rescue Castiel from the Empty, they’re jumped by monsters who are angry with how much God has fucked with them on behalf of the Winchesters. 15x20 is all a djinn dream Dean is trapped in.

16x01 is Dean waking himself up from the djinn dream, Sam and Jack escaping their own monsters, and then the end of 16x01 is Dean saying something about waking Castiel up from his own dreams in the Empty. The rest of S16 sees the boys save Castiel, reunite with Eileen, start a monster-hunting Bobby Singer/Men of Letters-esque organisation, Dean and Castiel getting together and getting married on Valentine’s Day, Jack getting to live a normal life, going to school, making friends, etc.

If their is no S16 ever (which would be criminal), then 15x20 makes no sense, unless it is plainly a recount of an old, hopeless ending written by God. However you spin it, 15x20 is not the way it seems (like owls).

All things being said, God is an antagonist, but he’s not evil. He’s an asshole, sure, but he never once worked against the Winchesters, never bet against them, never tried to erase or end them. He wanted them to win. He wanted to see the fruits of free will be love, second chances, hope, forgiveness, healing, and happiness, not just betrayal, pain, selfishness, jealousy, disappointment, and hopelessness.

Why is the ending he shows Becky ‘hopeless’? Because God is. He has spent his long existence losing his most loved family members. Amara, Lucifer. How can things end well for God, when they can’t even end well for humans? But Sam and Dean defy the script, again and again. They surprise God, defying the statistics, defying the hypotheses, throwing the experiment into disarray. Giving God hope. Sam and Dean were okay. Dean and Jack were okay. If God had a romantic love, he would find hope from Dean and Castiel being okay. But when God wrote the book he showed Becky, he was writing what he thought would happen. In the end, surely, not even Dean can be enough to hold Sam and Cas and Jack together. But in the end, as we see, as God sees, he is proven wrong and he’s happy to be wrong. He’s hopeful. And he can leave Dean, Sam, Castiel and Jack, and all the angels and all the humans, to rule the Earth and the Heavens. He doesn’t need to learn anything more from them, so he heads to the Empty, with Amara, with Lucifer, with Death (Billie or not, Death is there for God in the end), and they can all depart for a better existence of their own.

If you read all of this, thanks! I eagerly anticipate watching the remaining 10 seasons so I can come back and edit the heck outta this, but until then, if y’all have any thoughts, I’d be interested to hear them~

TLDR: God is a morally bankrupt scientist and the Winchesters are his guinea pigs, but he’s not evil and he does love his guinea pigs, even if he could really treat them nicer.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #jack kline #castiel #god #chuck #amara #lucifer #mary winchester #destiel #deancas #this is what i get for living on spn tumblr in a post s15 world while rewatching s5 and having memories ranging from hq to 8bit about s1-s11 #be kind i haven't finished my rewatch/finished the show so i probably have stuff wrong #what if god isn't evil just has no inherent moral compass because he has to teach himself everything #and he's taken to using the winchesters as his guinea pigs/life counsellors

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juniorgman187 · 3 years

Text

The Bones (Reid Series) Part 1

Summary: Almost a year after Maeve’s death, Spencer reaches out to the recipients of Maeve’s donated organs to reconnect with his lost love. However, when the receiver of her heart, Reader, doesn’t write back, Spencer goes on a poorly-motivated mission to find her.

Playlist: “The Bones” by Maren Morris & Hozier (BONUS: song includes major foreshadowing)

A/N: There is an OC in this story because to me, writing “(y/n)” over and over again cheapens the story and doesn’t flow well. It was a personal decision, and to anyone it sincerely bothers, I’m sure there’s a way you can insert your own name instead. This fic is also inspired by “Things We Know By Heart” by Jessi Kirby. Category: Series, Soft Angst, Eventual Smut + NSFW content* Pairing: Spencer Reid POV x Fem!OC Content Warning: allusions to death, mourning, loss, recovery, arrhythmia (this is an intro chapter, so it’ll get more interesting from here I promise) Word Count: 2.2k

This will be a multi-part series.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It all started that first autumn after Maeve’s death - just five weeks past a year since I parted with her. I was absentmindedly reading when, rather out of the blue, Mary Donovan called to inform me about a Mrs. Rachel Larsen.

Although we didn’t learn her actual name until later, she was first known to us as the recipient of Maeve’s liver. Not a single one of the three of us - Maeve’s parents and me - had expected a recipient to be in contact with us. That inability to predict such an event was caused by my neglect to remember Maeve was an organ donor. It wasn’t particularly relevant in the grand scheme of things, and for that forgetfulness, I was truly ashamed, but after reading Rachel Larsen’s letter together with the Donovans, it all came back to me.

Every single thing.

You see, despite the anonymity of the person writing to us, it was as if I could actually feel Maeve’s soul coming alive again, as strange as that sounds.

She was still here with me ... in some form.

Later that night, when I would return to an empty apartment, I would wonder why I hadn’t thought of reaching out to the recipients before. Even though I’d already started writing a thank you letter back to Rachel, the thirst for more of Maeve became increasingly insatiable.

While I did have fond memories of her to live by, I couldn’t thrive off of them in the way that I did with that letter. Our only moments together worth reliving were those spent over the phone, a time when I didn’t even know what she looked like. But that letter from Rachel Larsen ... it was somehow more wholesome and pure than any memory of the living Maeve that I could cultivate.

You could say I was doing this to ease my mourning, meaning it should’ve made me feel better, but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating away at me piece by piece as I wrote letters to the rest of the recipients.

The Donovans had no idea I was doing this, but I reasoned to myself that they would appreciate the surprise. Though they were still undeniably riddled with grief, smiles embellished their sullen faces when they read about Rachel’s quality of life now with a new liver. So maybe, just maybe, hearing from the rest of the receivers would be good for us all. At least, that’s what I told myself.

In one of those rare moments when inspiration strikes and it courses through your veins at the speed of lightning, I found myself being more productive than I had been in nearly a year. By midnight, I’d successfully composed five letters, each dedicated to the receiver of one of Maeve’s major organs - none of which, though, included my identity.

Given the fragile process of contacting the transplant coordinators, getting consent forms, and premeeting counseling, it would be months, if not years, before I would be able to really speak with these faceless people. Nothing against Donor Family Services - I’m sure they do the best they can - but for me, their best wasn’t good enough. So instead, I enlisted the help of someone I knew could never let me down.

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” Penelope peered up at me from her seat, her pinky finger hesitantly hovering over the ‘enter’ button.

“Yes.”

With just one click, she discovered the addresses of each one of those faceless people. This singular operation, albeit somewhat unethical, was the final piece to my puzzle. All there was left to do now was send the letters to them, with the tenuous hope they might send one back.

Luckily for me, not a single recipient questioned how I managed to find them or why this process wasn’t being handled by Donor Family Services, but I suppose if they did wonder those things, they didn’t feel comfortable asking me. Especially not after they learned who I was in relation to their donor. I didn’t intend to guilt-trip anyone with what I wrote in my letters nor did I want to take advantage of anyone’s empathy, but how could you possibly make a foe out of your organ donor’s grieving boyfriend? Exactly - you can’t. So you don’t. Instead, you send an inviting letter back, telling me you’d love to meet. Which is what four of them did.

Only one person didn’t reply, and while an 80% success rate was great, I simply couldn’t let this one go. Trust me, I would have ... had it been any other organ.

For quite some time, I was the one with Maeve’s heart.

I just needed to see where it was now.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

The heart has several definitions and corresponding connotations.

Scientifically speaking, the heart is a hollow muscular organ that pumps the blood through the circulatory system by rhythmic contraction and dilation. However, figuratively, the heart can be seen as the central or innermost part of something. The heart of a city, for example. But in literature, the heart is symbolic of love. It is often regarded as the source of all knowledge, which is where the comparison between the head and the heart comes from. The head operates logically, whereas the heart functions emotionally, but despite the rationality the head holds, the heart is what people advise you to listen to because it holds the ultimate truth.

The heart, because it is equipped with your truest feelings, supersedes any logic and reason the head might hold.

But you see, I only ever knew Maeve’s mind. I could understand the inner workings of it - I’d probably be able to navigate through her consciousness if I entered it given the fact that our intellect matched one another’s - and I shared nearly identical thought processes with her, but that was all that I ever knew.

And if that was how much knowledge she held in her head alone, then, undoubtedly, her heart held so much more.

Science defines the heart as an organ. Figurative language uses the heart to establish a focal point. Literature likens the heart to love. But I compare her heart to the ocean. Like the sea, Maeve’s heart was 80% undiscovered, and exploration was simply calling my name.

For that reason, and that reason alone, I couldn’t abandon my pursuit of it.

That’s not to say I wasn’t ashamed of this mission, though. If anything, shame for the man I had become in the face of Maeve’s death was the only feeling I was truly capable of anymore. Any other emotions were fleeting or insincere.

Unfortunately, that slimy, disgusting feeling was only amplified times ten when I found myself driving two hours and forty-five minutes to get to Virginia Beach.

No sane man would drive this far on a weekday for even their most prized possession, and yet here I was, exactly 180 miles away from home, seeking out someone who hadn’t had the courtesy to even write me back, let alone agree to meet with me. Who knows if she’d even give me the time of day.

She being Valerie.

“Valerie Elise Bishop was born on August 5th, 1988 in Henderson, Nevada, to parents Andrew and Sara, but when Valerie turned seventeen, she was diagnosed with arrhythmia,” Garcia explained to me over the phone on the car ride here. “It’s when-”

“When the electrical impulses that coordinate your heartbeats don't work properly, causing your heart to beat too fast, too slow or irregularly,” I accidentally cut in. Realizing I interrupted Garcia, I brought her back into the conversation by asking, “I know there are more than 3 million cases per year in the U.S, but isn’t it usually common for ages 60 or older?”

“You are most certainly correct, Boy Wonder. It is more common in ages 60 and older, however, her maternal grandmother passed away from arrhythmia, so the family history increased the likelihood.”

At the sound of this news, I had to pull the car over and physically stop just so I could grasp the weight of what I was really doing.

“In Henderson, Nevada ... maternal grandmother passed away ... family history increased the likelihood …” Garcia’s voice rang in my head.

It was then that I came face to face with the gravity of reality.

Valerie wasn’t just a faceless name or a recipient of Maeve’s heart, she was a person. And her humanity only became more apparent to me the more Penelope spoke.

For god’s sake, she and I grew up in the same state. She and I saw the same sunsets from the same little corner of the earth. She drove down the same highways and byways - we might’ve even crossed paths at one point or another! Not to mention that she lost her grandmother to the same disease that she was suffering from, and if there was one thing consistent about arrhythmia, it was very likely she’d been living with it for decades, if not her entire lifetime. It’s a long term disease that takes years to improve but only seconds to kill. All it would take is just one irregular beat, and she’d be dead. How can you possibly live with that constant fear looming over your head?

She is a person. I had to remind myself. Not just a means to explore more of Maeve.

“Hey, Garcia,” I turned the car back on. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I could just feel panic begin to rise in Garcia.

“No, I’m not talking about life, I’m talking about this.” Though she couldn’t see, I grandly gestured to the location, the car, and the passenger seat that was cluttered with files on Valerie. “I don’t feel right invading her privacy like this. It’s just selfish.”

I wasn’t the only one mourning something here.

“Are you sure?” Penelope clarified. Which was ironic considering she was the one who was unsure of doing any of this, to begin with. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have dragged Garcia into this. Something as immoral as this was totally against her character, but she did it anyway because her loyalty to her friends conquers all.

Like I said, my shame multiplied times ten. If not for Valerie, then certainly for Penelope.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m heading home.”

“Okay,” She softly returned. “Be safe.”

“Oh, and Garcia?” I asked before ending the call. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Anything for you, Dr. Reid.”

By the time I ended the call, the sun was already setting - that’s how long I’d been on the road for. The nearly-three-hour drive I would have to make for the second time today meant I wouldn’t be home in time to beat the pitch-black sky, so considering I was already in for a long night, I made a little detour for the one thing I couldn’t go home without.

A piping hot cup of coffee.

I felt something as rewarding as caffeine was well deserved for the self-restraint I demonstrated minutes ago. And maybe it was my exhaustion, both mental and physical, that brought me to the near conclusion that I would truly let this go, but I was honestly feeling like I could accept this. An 80% acceptance rate. Not bad, right?

Though I was basically half-asleep while waiting for my coffee, I could not miss the barista when she said, “Valerie! Your order’s ready!”

What are the chances?

A jolt of energy surged through my body and brought me back to life, causing me to whip my head around at the slightest semblance of movement. On instinct, my gaze gravitated to the woman walking towards the front counter. My pull to her was so strong that even if I hadn’t studied file upon file on her that included pictures of what she looked like, I still would’ve recognized her in a heartbeat.

I just knew. That’s her.

I had no plan whatsoever for how I should approach this, and yet I still rose from my seat, motivated by nothing more than the single belief that I needed to.

Was this the universe telling me that I was meant to run into her after all? That I needed to meet the woman with an oceanic heart?

But when I finally got to where she was, she glided effortlessly past me, not paying any mind to my presence. Why would she though? To her, I was no one. To her, I was the faceless person.

“Excuse me!” I bolted to the front counter after realizing I might’ve just missed my opportunity. The barista, stunned and concerned, furrowed her brows while she waited for my question. “Is that girl a regular here?”

“Valerie?” She pointed in her direction, to which I nodded rapidly. “Oh, yeah. She comes in here all the time. She works just across the street.”

When I came to this coffee shop, it was simply by chance. It wasn’t even the closest cafe, but it was the one I chose to go to for some inexplicable reason.

I’d like to think it was fate. I was meant to be here after all. Because right behind me stood the storefront of a building I had only briefly read about in Valerie’s file.

The Bones, Art Gallery & Studio

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

PART 2 HERE!

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#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #the bones #the bones pt 1 #juniorgman187

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musashi · 2 years

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OK so ever since you've started posting about AA I've been considering getting into it myself (mostly because Franziska and Edgeworth both fit alot of tropes for my comfort characters), and I'm always up for hearing people infodump, so here's some questions!

1) What's Maya's personality and role in the game? What are her relationships/dynamic with the other characters like?

2) What's the deal with Manfred framing Miles for murder? Was there a motive behind it? How did it get resolved?

3) On the topic of Keeping Up with the Van Karma's, what was Franziska's relationship with her father like before Miles came into the equation? How long did it take for her to stop viewing him in such a positive light?

4) I know she also adored Miles when they first met, but how long did it take for her to start feeling like she was stuck in his shadow? What's their relationship like in the story now (as in, is there still some friction between them or do they patch things up?)

5) Do you have any FranMaya headcanons for sickfic? If you need specifics, how would one be as a caretaker for the other?

6) The above question, but with WrightWorth?

My mind's kind of fuzzy at the moment, so I'm sorry if these don't make too much sense. If you'd like me to elaborate or be more specific, I don't mind sending another ask to clarify what I mean

OMG THESE QUESTIONS ARE ALL SO GOOD THANK YOU!!! im gonna ramble under a cut cause there be spoilers here

1) What's Maya's personality and role in the game? What are her relationships/dynamic with the other characters like?

maya fey is the best character in the game! i believe the youths often say "best girl" and that is maya fey to a t! the other day my aa kinnie friends and i were all taking a uquiz and it asked which is best ace attorney girl. phoenix got distressed and said 'HOW DO I PICK, I LOVE THEM ALL' and i said 'phoenix wright shut the fuck up and hit the maya fey button, it's what we all did' and then unanimous agreement echoed throughout the voice call.

maya's bubbly and energetic and silly and fun personified. kind of pinkie pie but with a lot more gremlin energy. when you meet her she's in a really dark place and even in her grief she snaps back to form quick and becomes an instant ray of sunshine. she's a spirit medium which means she can channel ghosts! they just play this straight. they just present it to you as fact in the world and you just accept it. she's an incredibly powerful medium in training who vastly undersells her abilities.

she acts as phoenix's co-counsel and bratty little sister for most of the trilogy! her and phoenix have an adorable relationship because they're both trainwrecks in their own right and they enable each other's chaos in all the best ways. they have massive sibling/bestie energy, one thing AA does really amazingly is write platonic relationships :') every time other characters try to ship them theyre both just like pfft what? anyways and it's just done so well. i kept being scared it was gonna turn suggestive at some point but it literally never does.

maya goes through a LOT of shit and she is so strong, i hate that she has to be but she's always optimistic and forward facing even at her lowest, and by god you SEE her at her lowest. pretty much everyone who meets her loves her because why wouldn't you. her relationship with phoenix is the most present but her relationships with her sister and cousin are also very very important, her sister is phoenix's mentor "in life and in law" by his own words and her cousin is someone she more or less adopts and raises on her own after tragedy takes her remaining family away. maya is just an incredibly sunny, goofy, wonderful, comforting presence and i love her so much i am so gay for her. she is everything to me. i need to stop now because if i don't i will talk about her FOREVER.

2) What's the deal with Manfred framing Miles for murder? Was there a motive behind it? How did it get resolved?

ok this is all major spoilers for the whole final case of the first game, so read at your own risk. i literally do not know how to summarize the web that it is because there is so much bullshit lol.

miles's father was gregory edgeworth, a defense attorney who miles looked up to more than anything in the world. miles wanted to follow in his father's footsteps and become a defense attorney himself.

manfred von karma was a world-renowned prosecutor with a perfect record of never losing a case. every defendant he oversaw was declared guilty, earning him accolades as an indisputable king of prosecutors. for one trial, they went up against one another, and von karma didn't even lose that case, but he was penalized by the judge, which was a scar on his perfect record all the same.

one day while miles was accompanying his father at the courthouse they were riding the elevator and a massive blackout struck the city, suspending them in the elevator shaft. they were on the verge of suffocation in there when gregory got into an altercation with the bailiff accompanying them, and miles picked up the bailiff's pistol and threw it in an attempt to protect his father. the gun discharged, and it missed gregory, but

right at that moment, the power came back on, and the elevator door opened. von karma had been wandering the courthouse in the dark, found his way to the elevator right at that moment, picked up the gun on the floor and shot gregory through the heart, killing him. one bullet went into gregory's heart, the other--the one miles discharged--went through the door and into von karma's shoulder. von karma fled the scene, leaving miles and the bailiff with gregory's body. von karma went into hiding for months while he healed from the gunshot wound, refusing to hospitalize himself so as not to make a witness out of any doctors, and when he came back he decided to adopt the orphaned miles. the bailiff was declared guilty but got off on temporary insanity.

killing gregory edgeworth was not enough for how deep von karma's vengeance ran. he took miles and reminded him at every turn that his father was killed, that miles had the power and the passion within him to seek out the evil in the world and destroy it, so that no one had to suffer the way he did. miles gave up on becoming a defense attorney, his morals shaken by the murder of his father. he leaned into von karma's teachings, and as one final fuck you to gregory, manfred turned miles into a mindless prosecuting machine.

on the 15 year anniversary of his father's death, miles was summoned to the middle of a lake where he met with robert hammond, who acted as the defense attorney for yanni yogi, the bailiff, in the murder of gregory edgeworth. little did he know he was actually meeting with yogi--disguised as hammond, who had been shot dead by yogi moments before. the murder weapon was planted on miles and yogi faked being shot and dumped the actual body on the scene. ALL OF THIS WAS ORCHESTRATED BY VON KARMA. he puppetmastered all these men into one place, knowing this incident had tied them all together and left them with a lot of unresolved grief. he preyed into yogi's resentment (gregory's trial ruined his life, even if he was found technically innocent) and miles' guilt.

see, miles obviously has PTSD and huge chunks of this memory are missing for him. he remembers throwing that gun, and hearing a scream, but he at this point can't say for certain if maybe it was him who killed his father. and von karma knew that. so, even after miles was proven innocent in the killing of hammond, von karma tried to get miles convicted for the murder of his father, and miles is so traumatized and doubting of his own memory that it almost worked.

how it resolved is that phoenix is a stubborn motherfucker who loves and believes in his friend and he figured out the truth!! he fought until the bitter end and then some and figured out who von karma truly was and the old bastard was sentenced to death because that's how all murder trials go in the AA universe.

it's pretty much entirely up to interpretation--we don't get much of their relationship in the official canon, there's a little bit of material in the anime but it's considered dubious canon.

franziska overall seems to look up to her papa and respect him a great deal until his conviction. she follows diligently in his footsteps and views him as a prosecuting genius, and borrows his tactics and teachings whenever she can. in the anime she adores him with wide eyes and a big heart and views him as a superhero who never lets the bad guys get away.

manfred by contrast is distant and dismissive. the way i interpret his relationship with miles and franziska is that he is very good at convincing them that he loves the other more. he acts disinterested in franziska's passion toward law studies and instead pours his focus into miles, but then he'll turn around and make sure miles knows he's an outsider and will never be blood like how franziska is. all of this is just the feeling i get based on what i've observed, but again, a lot of it is up to interpretation.

once manfred is convicted franziska seems to change her tune. she comes to america for vengeance and when pressed repeatedly on how revenge won't bring her father back she makes it clear each time that her thoughts stay with miles, not on her dad. franziska stays very tight lipped about her feelings in all regards, but her (likely complex) feelings about her dad are especially locked up.

(obviously i have the kin answers for all of this, but that's not what you asked so send another ask if you want that infodump dfghdg)

most of this is ambiguous too, again, we really don't get much of anything in regards to them growing up together--there's snippets here and there of feelings they remember and one case in the side duology where we get to see them as young adults, but that's about it. as early as 13 years old franziska viewed miles as her rival in competition both as a prosecutor and for manfred's attention, and she has a big ego but it's a total facade for how inadequate she feels in comparison to him. one of the few things franziska's said on the matter is that she feels like miles constantly left her behind and abandoned her--that he always kept walking forward and didn't wait on her to catch up.

in present day it is clear they love each other deeply but have a lot of baggage to deal with in multiple regards. the both of them are struggling to understand their own identities with everything they were taught shaken up. miles does take a LONG holiday to search for these answers and find himself, but franziska doesn't get the full picture and resents him for abandoning her again, seeking those answers while she herself is still struggling and not ready to. they have a very important heart to heart at the end of game 2 where franziska walks away and this time miles chases her, and it seems to be a turning point for franziska because when you next see her she seems to be set on carving her own destiny, away from the legacy of her father. but i fully believe that miles would do absolutely anything for his sister and she would do the same for him. they are the only family the both of them have left, and despite the fact that they are very cold people on the outside, they love very fiercely when those walls are breached.

5) Do you have any FranMaya headcanons for sickfic? If you need specifics, how would one be as a caretaker for the other?

on god i will write this some day. franziska needs to be wrestled into bed. she very famously got shot in canon and tried to go to court while she was bleeding out. she will attempt to work through ANYTHING and i fully believe the only people who can convince her otherwise are 1. maya fey and 2. any of phoenix/miles' other Weird Little Girls. franziska has a soft spot for weird little girls. she's a similarly terrible caretaker. she cannot cook and probably learned how to brew herself a cup of tea last week. she has 0 bedside manner. she DOES have a habit of being surprisingly soothing when she wants to and i think her tongue could go silver with enough practice but with maya she'd probably be too flustered and start going on a heroic monologue about how she will burn to world to cinders to see maya in good health again. franziska von karma is a fucking disaster in heels and a perfectly ironed miniskirt.

maya's not much better i don't think. she'd probably also try to work through it but would give up sooner at the tempting prospect of naps and tv. maya’s definitely a better caretaker than franziska but the bar is kinda in hell (not that bar, the other bar, the one fran didn’t pass) she can probably at least make fran soup from a can. these gals are young theyre trying their best fdhfghgf

6) The above question, but with WrightWorth?

god i should think about them more. phoenix is a dumbass who rarely gets sick (word of god and idiots don’t catch colds) but when he does he’s on a fucking freezing mountain with a 103 degree fever investigating a murder scene. he’s not good at hiding it he’s so fucking loudly ill every time you see it in canon but he’s just like ok i will go to court i guess. every time you see him sick in canon he’s still just in court. even when he’s like 10 he’s somehow in court (this is not a joke. its important you understand this is not a joke.)

i feel like phoenix is a clumsy caretaker but he has kind of a natural intuition for what to do. there’s a very soft moment in the second case of the series where maya faints from shock and phoenix just very gently picks her up and lays her down on the couch, i think about it so much. internally he’s panicking the whole time but he’s just a fucking mother at heart.

miles is... very similar??? but suffers more silently and is a little less stubborn. can probably be talked into taking a sick day. he’ll still try to go to work but he’s got sleepy dad energy and can be coaxed into just taking a damn nap. miles is a much better caretaker than anyone previously mentioned he is a very VERY soothing person who often knows exactly what to say and how to say it, he’s a god in the kitchen, he brews the best tea, he’ll run his fingers thru phoenix’s hair and read to him, no one fucking talk to me miles edgeworth is SO tender he makes me crazy.

these are all exactly my favourite kind of questions thank u for letting me talk aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

#wendy rambles #like a LOT #cottagebore #wendy answers #i've only played the trilogy and still havent played bridge so #pls no one spoil me if u have anything to add to this

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meadows-of-light · 2 years

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Prompts 1600-1699

1600) No matter how many people are there for me, I'll never get it through my head that someone actually cares.

1601) Who did that to you? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally & mentally that you've completely shut down anyone who tries to help you? You don't talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, & you let negative people in. You refuse to open up & let someone love or care about you. Who fucking did that to you?

1602) & when you don't reply, the anxiety kicks in, screaming that you want me gone from your life & that you find me annoying & no matter how hard I try I can't block out the voices. I can't stop annoying you because you are the only person who calms the voices.

1603) If someone cheats on you, they don't love you, remember that. If someone cheats on you, they don't care about you as much as they say they do. If someone cheats on you it means that for a split second you were off their mind long enough for them to put another person in arms that should only be for you. If someone cheats on you, dear god, I hope you don't go back to them because you are worth so much more than that.

1604) She always sees the best in people. You could leave her a billion times, but she'd remember the two times you stayed for her. You could tell her a thousand mean things, but she'd remember the one time you called her beautiful. You could never be there for her, but she'd always be there for you. All she ever wanted was for you to love her, but all you did was hurt her. Yet, she'd never not be there for you. She always saw the best in you.

1605) Oh you didn't mean to hurt me then what the fuck did you mean to do?

1606) I think the worst part wasn't even that you treated me like shit. It's that you made me think I deserved it.

1607) I was never naive enough to think that I was your light but there is light in you. All of that anger, the cycle of abuse that (name) began, you can end it. You have to. So, you can be the light for your little girl.

1608) But now, you are my family.

1609) They say the inability to accept loss is a form of insanity. It's probably true. But sometimes, it's the only way to stay alive.

1610) As much as I've savored the joy of tormenting you through the years, I must confess, you all mean everything to me. Your loyalty, your counsel, & your love, it's probably the only reason I've survived as long as I have. Which is why I know that long after I'm gone you will all come together, time & time again to take care of each other; & that is why I am not afraid for your future.

1611) We are bound forever to those with whom we share blood & while we may not choose our family, that bond is our greatest strength.

1612) It’s too early for this. Go back to bed, sweetheart.

1613) I knew I'd find you here.

1614) You feel like you could do anything. Be anyone. Beautiful things are more beautiful. Everything's heightened, you know. Just a little bit more intensely. Love more powerfully. Anger becomes rage. When you're sad, you're in despair. Grief. Loss. It can cripple you. That's why so many of us turn our emotions off. It just becomes too overwhelming.

1615) Just leave me alone.

1616) You always take good care of me.

1617) Touch her one more time & she/he’ll be the last thing you will ever touch.

1618) The new life I had imagined just about a thousand times, had become a reality.

1619) The day before your whole life changes forever, feels just like any other day.

1620) You gave me all your love & all I gave you was "Goodbye".

1621) Grief does not change you, it reveals you.

1622) Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief & heals them.

1623) The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal & you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.

1624) Grieving doesn't make you imperfect, it makes you human.

1625) You’re feeling burnt out & discouraged but you’ve made it this far & I think that’s really brave.

1626) I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind.

1627) It’s okay to feel unstable. It’s okay to disassociate. It’s okay to hide from the world. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay not to be okay. Your mental illness is not a personal failure.

1628) She has been through hell so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire & smiles.

1629) Having courage doesn't mean we are unafraid; it simply means we are willing to face our fears.

1630) When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not unreasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

1631) This is who I am now, I must protect my family.

1632) Be kind to each other. If nothing else, be kind I was so lucky to be your father/mother.

1633) When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding you how easy it is to lose the ones you love.

1634) Put out the fire before igniting. Next time, we're fighting.

1635) Because before the start began, I always saw the end.

1636) This is a bad town for such a pretty face.

1637) The danger is I'm dangerous & I might just tear you apart.

1638) We used to be so happy.

1639) You can tell this world I'm leaving.

1640) I always knew you'd destroy her.

1641) God gives his hardest battles to the toughest soldiers.

1642) Be gentle with my heart, (I only just glued the broken pieces back together).

1643) Please don’t leave me. I’m a work in progress but I’m trying.

1644) I thought I'd be okay by now & maybe I'm not worse but I'm definitely not better. Which has me terrified. Will this go on forever? Where's my light at the end of the tunnel. Help me find it, I've been searching alone in the dark for far too long.

1645) I hope one day you're at peace with yourself. I hope you can take a shower without crying & you can close your eyes without thinking about your funeral. I hope one day you start singing in the shower again & are happy for no reason. I hope you get better, because you really deserve to.

1646) I can always count on you.

1647) I've already lived. Over 300 years I have lived & you've barely begun.

1648) Right now, she doesn't remember anything. A part of her is still human, but slowly, the deeper she gets into the transition, the memories will start to come back, & then she'll know she has to make the choice.

1649) You're a diamond, dear, they can't break you.

1650) They're floating lanterns in the sky, can you believe that? A Japanese lantern is the symbol of letting go of the past. Well, here's a news flash: we're not Japanese! Do you know what they are? Children. Like lighting a candle is going to make everything okay or even saying a prayer or pretending Elena is not going to end up just like the rest of us murderous vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating, little children. I know what you're going to say: "It makes them feel better, (name)." So what? For how long? A minute, a day? What differences does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody; every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing that you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be.

1651) No, the moment you saw me as a bet was the moment you fucked up.

1652) You may be gone, but you’ll never be forgotten.

1653) Do I really mean nothing to you?

1654) You don't have to be so gentle.

1655) I never meant to hurt you.

1656) She had a laugh like summer rain until the world tore it.

1657) You will break. But oh, you will heal.

1658) Why are you scared of loving?

1659) I don’t want to feel this. I want to be numb again.

1660) What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused?

1661) You’ve changed.

1662) They were perfect for each other.

1663) I don’t need help; I need an end to this pain.

1664) It’s time for me to go now but you can pretend I’ll come back, if it helps.

1665) Please, just come home.

1666) Thank you, for everything.

1667) Don't you dare leave me, not now!

1668) You don't have to act like you're okay.

1669) You think this is easy for me?

1670) I shouldn't have left you.

1671) I don't want to feel this way anymore.

1672) My emotions have been turbulent for so long, I’m not sure how to react.

1673) I would give up everything for the chance to hear your laugh again.

1674) I feel like I’ve died now that they’re gone.

1675) How did you know where to find me?

1676) We all watched it happened & time stood still.

1677) Where did all of these scars come from?

1678) Jo: I don’t believe you! Because you’re a liar & you are the worst kind of liar, because your lies sound so much like the truth, it is impossible for me to tell the difference.

Kai: You’re right. I am a liar, alright? I’m the black sheep. You know, the defective twin that nobody wanted. Must feel really nice for you to stand here - judging me. Surrounded by all the things that you got out of life while I spent 18 years in isolation as the family reject. And let me tell you: Every inch of me wants to kill you for that. EVERY PART! But I can’t because the only way that I can survive is if you help me & I’d like to live, frankly. Because I didn’t get to do a whole lot of that before everyone decided that I wasn’t worth it.

1679) I would do anything, give anything, just to see you like that one more time.

1680) You’ve done too much now. I can’t trust you anymore.

1681) Maybe this is how it was always going to end.

1682) It’s one of those terrible things, but unfortunately, it’s very real.

1683) I’ll tell you a story, a true one, one you’ve never heard.

1684) People talk about the ability to endure, to endure anything & everything, to keep going, to be strong but you can do that only if you’re not alone.

1685) I've lost a lot of people & I'm familiar with the feeling of having everything hurt.

1686) I would have broken everything; I would have killed anybody to have you back here with me.

1687) I don't know why I survived that day, but I did.

1688) You shouldn't go through this alone.

1689) You can reset everything & live in the world you deserve, a world without all the pain you're carrying, without your past, without your regrets.

1690) All I know is that I don't have to run anymore.

1691) I'll always be your little girl.

1692) For all the pain I've been through, that heals me maybe not instantly & maybe not even for a long time, but it heals.

1693) They just wanted to save everyone.

1694) It will bring you light, even among the darkest shadows of this world & others.

1695) You lost a part of your existence in the war against yourself, oh, the lights, they light up in lights of sadness, telling you, it's time to go.

1696) What are you drinking? The tears of small children. I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not.

1697) Jesus hot sauce Christmas cake, this is fucking unbelievable.

1698) If we go, we go together.

1699) When tomorrow starts without me & I'm not there to see if the sun should rise & find your eyes filled with tears for me. I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did that day while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say. I know how much you love me as much as I love you, & each time you think of me. I know you'll miss me too. When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, for every time you think of me, I'm right there in your heart.

#writing prompts #dialogue prompts

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wsgeon · 3 years

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hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc.

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

#ws:intro #frankly my characters end up a lil different from intended 90% of the time soooo take my description of his personality w a grain of salt #this intro is long and illiterate but i'll fix it at a later time

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phantomato · 2 years

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His first stop, Mrs. Cole, rests slightly outside the city. A modest headstone, if he’s being polite about it, marks her place. It reads Elizabeth. He wasn’t sure she’d had a given name.

“Lizzie?” he wonders aloud, subconsciously preparing for the smack that will never come. “I didn’t figure you for a Lizzie. I thought you would be something more severe, like an Agnes, or an Ester. Elizabeth is the name you give to someone young, and I refuse to believe you weren’t spat out of a Victorian forge, fully-formed to be an orphanage matron. Or perhaps the ill-tempered minder of a boarding house, the kind none of the boarding men wanted to fuck.”

He spits at her marker and misses, shamefully, saliva rushing into the ground.

Oily Water, ch. 3 [AO3]

Meta-reflection after the jump.

I love Mrs. Cole. I don’t love writing young Tom, mostly, because that’s such well-explored territory in this fandom and I would rather spend most of my energy contributing to the picture of him as an adult. It’s a shame, because it means I rarely get to touch her character.

And in the same vein, I love Tom Riddle Sr. If you need proof of that, look no further than Ganymede. I could spend many tens of thousands more words with him and not satisfy my desire for his character; please always expect him to show up in future fics.

But they’re quite dead. This fic is canon-divergent starting in 1995. They never had a chance to be around as living characters, and that’s a problem, because Voldemort needs wise counsel right now. They are his parental figures, insufficient and flawed as those relationships were. He’s old, but I’m not sure we ever grow old enough to feel like we don’t occasionally want a trusted authority to tell us what to do. It is a comfort, a demonstration of care, a relief for the anxiety of having to make all of our own decisions. Voldemort has had a body for just a few days. I let him have his sanity, but he would dearly love a little help in navigating this world again.

So, in roll my dead parental figures. They aren’t present in word or deed, no, but I let Voldemort’s side of the conversation fill in what they might have been like. He alternately finds alliance with and shows disdain for Mrs. Cole, the matron who would have scolded him and rapped his knuckles and also been a consistent presence when so little else was. There’s an implication of familiarity, if not quite family, in the relationships he had with his peers. I want him to feel like a man with a difficult relationship with a parent, someone he loves but whose love he was never sure of. I don’t think she was a good woman, but I think whatever nostalgia he has for his childhood is rooted in her.

Tom Senior is a tricky case because he never knew his son. My Senior is unaware of his son’s existence until Voldemort comes to kill him; their acquaintance is limited to that hour or two before Voldemort murders his father. What exists In Voldemort’s mind, then, isn’t the same lived experience as he has with Mrs. Cole, it’s a projection of hopes and dreams and the regret-soaked research V did a decade later, realizing he might have wanted to know his father. And, god, I love his grief.

I know what type of father my Senior is, and yes, I put a bit of that into the conversation. Voldemort doesn’t. He knows what he would like, though, and that’s what comes out. Ultimately, talking to a grave isn’t about the person who died, it’s about the person who is still alive. But what Voldemort chooses to share demonstrates the relationships he has to these parental figures and how he views himself as a son.

I will never get over the idea that he very desperately wanted to be someone’s son. At nearly 70, he’s old enough to feel his age, the other scenes in the chapter show him with a particular age-based disconnection from the world, and everywhere he goes is haunted by ghosts. And then he visits the graves, and he’s a boy again, looking for comfort from a parent. He will never outrun his contradictions.

#voldemort #nott sr #oily water

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unsaidmar · 3 years

Text

WC: 2.5k (long winded girl, I know)

Plot: They share stuff and it changes how they see things. Connection ensues.

CW: Mentions of death, illness, hospitals I guess, violence.

a/n: Hello y’all. This is part two of whatever the fuck is going on inside my pea brain. Hope you enjoy.

Part one, the meeting.

Two; It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

She laughed at the awkwardness of the text and the perfect grammar Dr. Spencer Reid maintained while texting. Ollie made a mental note to care a little more about the phrasing of her own texts, especially considering the circumstances. To say she wanted to impress him was an understatement.

“Good, germs are yucky.” Sent at 7:45 am.

“Also, hi. Good morning” Sent at 7:45 am.

Good morning? Too much too soon? She fell victim to her overthinking for at least twenty minutes after sending her last text, realizing she had to slowly build up the courage to ask about the next time they would be seeing each other, which apparently would have to wait, since Spencer had an inconvenient schedule and could be out of the state in a matter of 20 minutes. Ollie exhaled and stood up from her awful office chair to go and make herself some coffee, hoping to stop her mind from reeling and sending her into her usual never-ending pit of despair and anxiety that came with stepping out of her comfort zone.

A ping echoed in the room and her screen lit up, displaying a text from the one person she had been thinking about. Ollies mother would be crying laughing if she saw the state she was in, positively losing hair over the fact that a cute, smart, witty man was texting her back. A man she had spoken to for the first time not even 24 hours prior.

“I’m a nice person, I’m funny sometimes, I offered him coffee.” She whispered to herself, rationalizing every aspect of their interaction. “That’s how friendships start” She laughed bitterly. “I’m here… freaking… wishful thinking, and maybe he has a significant other… maybe he doesn’t even like women… maybe he just thought I was nice and he thought ‘yay, a new friend’… fuck” she plopped herself back on the chair and threw her head back.

Lia would have known what the right thing to do is, she would come up with a cool thing to text back on the spot, and she resented her absence like she had a million times before. Ollie had gotten used to writing her letters like her best friend was living somewhere else in the world and she would eventually read her friend’s attempt at keeping her updated, which she knew was not healthy and definitely not helping her move on.

The thing is, Lia’s death was not a surprise at all. It was a possibility to the point of actually being expected. She had been diagnosed as a terminal patient for a little over a year before she passed and almost everyone around her had made peace with the fact that she could go any day and that life would have to go on without her, but no amount of grief counseling and encouraging talks with Lia’s family could have prepared her for the unimaginable pain Ollie felt when it happened. She had heard about experiences that made the world turn upside down and how some life events made you go numb and make your legs give weight, but had never come face to face with a happenstance that painful.

She figured she was going to have to carry the burden of her loss till the day she died, and even then, the words “I missed you, till the very end.” would be carved in her grave.

Coming back from her spiral, she remembered how she fell down the rabbit hole in the first place. She took her phone with the intention of texting Spencer back and smiled at how stupid she had been to worry about seeing him again.

“Hey, arrest made successfully. Are you busy right now?” Sent at 7:57 am.

Sighing with relief, Ollie smiled and tried to sound casual with her reply as to not sound like seeing him again was the only thing she had been thinking about.

“I’m the boss, I can un-busy myself. Why? Were you charmed by my Keurig?” Sent at 8:00 am.

Spencer was not the kind to send sassy texts, or any text for that matter. This was completely new to him and he was determined to get it right, so he channeled the Derek Morgan that lived within him and prayed to whatever deity was looking out for him to make him sound cooler than he was feeling.

“I’m a sucker for coffee so, yes.” Sent at 8:05

“I’m a sucker for you, apparently” Ollie nearly screamed at how quickly that came out of her mouth. “Fucking loser, dear God” She shook her head, scolding herself and whatever hamster was in charge of her brain and thought process.

“Mi oficina es tu oficina, then. I’ll be waiting.” Sent at 8:07

Twenty minutes later, he was there, coffee cup in his hands. After what felt like no time at all, they were four coffee cups deep into their conversation and had learned a lot more about each other. Turns out Spencer had a day off after they landed from an away case, he had a thing with germs, his favorite color was purple and his co-workers were more his family than just the people he happened to work with. He liked a bunch of sugar with his coffee and had an eidetic memory that was as much of a blessing as it was a curse.

He was impressed at how this girl was not what you would expect her to be, every aspect of her seemed to make no sense and at the same time, it made perfect sense. This purple haired girl had ADHD and a PhD in history, she was the oldest daughter of two of the most stubborn Mexican immigrants and had a sister that made even the most patient of humans go mad. She loved music, and was not ashamed to admit that her taste in music was far from sophisticated. “I am Taylor Swift’s bitch; I know the words to every single one of her songs! Same goes for One Direction too” She argued when Spencer said that it couldn’t be that bad.

A blaring ring halted their conversation to an unexpected stop. Ollie picked up the office phone with an annoyed grimace and exchanged a few words with whoever was calling.

“Hold that thought, I have to go sign a thingy at the front desk” She dashed out of her office and left Spencer there.

For the first time, he felt compelled to look around and fixate on the details. There were a few old looking pictures and some newer ones with people who looked a lot like her. There was one picture that caught his attention, isolated from the rest like it deserved a spot of its own. In it, there was a red-haired girl that looked around Ollie’s age, one of her arms around her waist and the other one cradling her head that was laying on her shoulder. Ollie’s eyes were closed and the red head looked like she was caught mid-sentence. Stuck to the frame was a little post it note that read “I love you, head ass. -Lia” It looked intimate, they were clearly comfortable with that kind of physical affection, and if Lia hadn’t called Ollie a head ass in the post it, he would have assumed they were together romantically.

Ollie came back in a hurry, apologizing for having to run out like that and sitting back down to resume their conversation.

“It’s okay, don’t worry” Spencer assured her. “I was looking at your pictures, I hope you don’t mind” He said, suddenly very aware of how invasive that could be.

“Not at all, those are there to be looked at” She shrugged, bracing herself for the question she knew was coming. Somehow, talking about Lia with him did not feel as dreadful as it had all those times she was asked about it before, perhaps it’s just him and his calming presence.

Sure enough, he pointed at the picture Lia had framed for valentine’s day and asked, “Who’s that?”.

“That’s Lia, she was my best friend. She is my best friend.” She smiled fondly, something that had never happened before when talking about this specific topic. Maybe sharing Lia’s memory with someone who didn’t know her was different. “She passed away almost a year and a half ago. 468 days ago, to be exact. She was really sick, it was inevitable” Ollie let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, reaching for the post it and tracing the words over with her finger.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been”

“It was… heartbreaking. Even with all that time we had to process the news, it still took me off guard.” She shook her head trying to ground herself. “Anyways, that’s a sad topic. I don’t want to bum you out with it.”

He knew the feeling all too well, he had apologized to several people when he rambled about Maeve, feeling like he had said too much and gotten too personal. He was not about to let this beautiful, vibrant soul feel the way he had for so long. Like he still did, truly.

“Don’t apologize, I get it. You’re not making me sad” He felt like he needed to elaborate to actually convey the message. “I went through the same thing with someone I loved too” he said, looking down at his hands, the very familiar feeling of oversharing creeping in. As he looked up, he noticed the sad look Ollie was giving him, but if the profiler in him was right, she was inviting him to share, not to stop.

“Her name was Maeve. She… she was a geneticist. She helped me through a rough time and she became my friend. It’s a long story…” he looked away.

“I want to hear it, long or not. But only if you want me to.” She gave him the warmest smile she could muster, which convinced him to keep going.

“Um, I started getting some headaches a while ago. I went to a few doctors but none of them gave me an answer. I reached out to Maeve for help and… We bonded, I guess.” He took a shaky breath.

“You don’t have to continue if you feel uncomfortable” she whispered in the most delicate tone.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I’ve never told this story before. Everyone in my life that I care about was there to see it.” He said, meeting her eyes so she could see how honest he was being. The man got a hold of himself for a minute, and continued.

“Maeve had to go into hiding. She was being stalked by some woman she met at work. Beyond talking on the phone, we hadn’t even met. I had no idea what she looked like and vice versa. This girl, the stalker… She wrote a paper, and Maeve dismissed it because it didn’t have a good enough foundation. When she started stalking her, she scared her into hiding and eventually started dating her ex-fiancé to try and get closer to Maeve, assuming he knew where she was. They ended up finding her and confronting her. She shot herself and the first person I ever loved. Right in front of me and my friends. The first five minutes I got with Maeve face to face, were the last.”

Baring his soul to a person he had known for a whooping 18 hours was the weirdest thing Spencer had ever done, so unlike himself it was almost funny. But at the same time, he felt like it had to happen. By no means did he believe in fate or destiny, but this one moment made him feel like maybe whoever does believe in that stuff, is not completely wrong.

She was not a therapist. She listened because she was going through a similar thing herself and her interest in Spencer’s loss was not rooted in psychoanalyzing him and helping him cope. She was just a mundane human that did not look at him with condescension and pity, she looked at him like she, too, had found a person who wouldn’t ask her “And, how does that make you feel?” in a monotonous voice. They both knew better than to assume they had all the answers.

“Spencer, that’s horrible. I am so sorry you had to see that. Jesus, fuck. I- “She thought about her next words very carefully. “That’s enough to crush anyone’s spirit” She looked at him like he was turning green. The reason being, he did not look like he was crushed. He had a beautiful smile that shook Ollie to her core, he was easygoing and conversation with him was carefree and it flowed easily. If he had not told her about Maeve, she would not have guessed the man sitting right in front of her was as affected as her.

“How did you manage to get through that?” Ollie questioned, fully intending to take notes.

“I don’t really think I have yet…” Well, time to come clean. Spencer thought. “The whole reason I was here yesterday, and a lot more times before that one, is because she and I talked about this museum. She told me about some conferences she had attended here and we made plans to visit together. Doesn’t quite sound like someone who’s over the whole thing.” He fiddled with his fingers, suddenly too aware of how cold it was. “How did you get through Lia’s death?”

“Yeah, well. I don’t really think I’m quite there either. Not like I’m trying, anyways. I can’t seem to get away from the Grey Roots either” Mental images of two little kids running around with dusty books in their hands came to her and she couldn’t help the small smile she broke into.

“I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I have always thought that the way Lia and I found each other was pure magic. We met when we were in the second grade, right in this museum, we were on a field trip and we clicked. It was crazy to me that I actually met my best friend at such a young age, and the kind that lasts forever too. It sounds like when people meet the love of their lives on their first try. It sounds dorky, I know”

“It doesn’t. If anything, it sounds like you consider yourself lucky to have loved her like you did. We need more people like that, people that believe in magic.” Spencer reassured her with a shrug. He wished he could believe in cute stuff like that, but he was happy Ollie led a life that made her believe.

“Yeah, but us crazy people, we get our hopes up too easily. Sometimes it hurts.”

“Tell me about it.”

And just like that, in the not so well-lit office of the head Conservator of the Grey Roots Museum and Archive, something in the world had shifted.

#spencer reid x original female character #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x latina reader #criminal minds headcanons #criminal minds #bau #fluff #spencer reid headcanon

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