Hi friends! We have a couple of updates to share. 

Firstly, Seraj needs more than $3,300 to pull off his final Ramadan project before Eid. He wants to distribute it on the last day of Ramadan, which is in 3 days, so we need to get to $20k ASAP! 

contribute at bit.ly/serajfund

The financial situation in Rah Fah continues to decline, with intermediaries taking a 15-17% cut when people get cash out. He is so hopeful that this project will work out! Helping others and bringing smiles to faces–especially those of children–is clearly one of Seraj’s passions. 

Here are the project details, all thought up by Seraj himself. He has amazing ideas! 125-130 cash envelopes containing either 50 or 100 shekels each. Seraj will distribute them based on how large each family is. Seraj will also make 40 envelopes for kids, each containing 20 shekels. 

Currently, Seraj’s plan is to distribute his envelopes on the last day of Ramadan, before Eid al-Fitr. Last time he tried to print something, the printer had no electricity. He has a plan this time for checking in early to make sure he has a chance to print. 

Working with Seraj on his mutual aid projects has been such a tangible reminder that we reject the notion of charity (which is very rooted in the white savior complex and pity of Black and Brown folx), and even allyship (not enough action)  instead are partners and collaborators with Seraj self directing, leading us, and constantly motivating us to to get to the next goal so he can achieve his vision! 

 Because Seraj and his family have managed to survive, he’s been able to give back. No NGOs or governments, just a 21-year-old young man helping as many of his neighbors as he can. In his words, “This is my duty, sisters, as long as I can help! Why don't I do that!”

Seraj is genuinely a superstar to everyone on our team. His generosity is humbling to us. We have so much to learn from Pale-eh -steinians. 

Secondly, we have a date for our upcoming virtual dance party! Mark your calendars for Monday, April 29th in the evening (Pacific time). Sky is hosting this event to hype up our virtual auction for Seraj. Follow Sky on Instagram for more details @rebirthgarments or @radicalvisibilitycollective

If you’d still like to contribute items to the auction, go to bit.ly/fundraiserforseraj ! Seraj’s Support Soirée would like to offer an item or service for every budget. And we encourage a wide variety of dough-nation types! While many of them will be creative objects, they do not have to be.

Some examples:

a book you love or wrote

a framed photograph

a massage (local area bidders only)

a meditation session

a piñata

a tarot reading

a t-shirt you love or designed

stickers

a virtual lesson on social media marketing

visual art

a virtual dance lesson

Your items will be listed this week on Give Butter! (stay tuned for details!) 

Our support soiree dance party will hype up the auction featuring selections from the archives of Rebirth Garments fashion performances while you can dance with Sky!

Thank you so much for being here for Seraj. He and his family are so deeply grateful for all of the ways folks have supported them and partnered with them to help others. And our team is so thankful for how you all have stepped up. Please share and contribute! 

-Written by my team member Bex with additions by me!

[image Description: a flyer featuring a photo by Seraj of a small little kid with a blue plastic bag full of fresh fruits and vegetables. The kiddo has a heart emoji over their face and is smiling really big. They are wearing a red shirt that says “sleep time” with a sleeping bear on it. They are standing on a sandy ground in front of a tent. Text to the right of the photo on a red background reads: Gaza Sky Seraj’s mutual aid project for Ramadan in Rah-fah For part 2 of Seraj’s Ramadan project, he gave out 32 food parcels for 32 families around him in the displacement camps. Send support to his family + others! bit.ly/serajfund “ Underneath is a QR code with the link. ]

GETO X READER : MEMORIES OF US

hi! i’m kinda nervous lol first time i share something here i hope you guys enjoy it!

pairings: geto suguru x fem!reader

cw: female reader - mentions of death - character death - blood - angst - sad ending

synopsis: finally returning home after some time away living outside the country, you decide to come back and unpack your things until you find a box filled with memories inside, memories of who once was the love of your life. He was no longer by your side, and you constantly wondered why your heart was still his and if you were given a chance to see him one last time.

word count: 2.4k

You dropped your suitcase on the floor, exhausted by the trip. It was 10 pm on a winter night and you were finally back in your tiny apartment you were proud to call home. The urge to curl up in your bed was tempting, but you had to freshen up before you could unpack all your things and start anew.

After a long relaxing shower, you put on comfy pajamas and start to tidy up your stuff in your drawers. Your arms were numb from folding your clothes, while your stomach began to make noises. It was time to eat. You hadn't eaten since your flight, but it was late and you didn't have time to run any errands, plus you were tired. Luckily for you, you had instant noodles in your kitchen. By the time you let the noodles cook in the hot water, you had prepared a little space on your couch where you could enjoy them. You turn on the TV and select the first channel you see, leaving it as a background noise.

As you get up to fetch your meal, you come across the small wood table in which where was a box covered by a little bit of dust, cute stickers and a Polaroid sticking out of it. You instantly knew what was inside and couldn’t stop your hand from reaching for it. You take the box and place it on your couch then set off to get your noodles. Back on your couch, the smell and steam of the noodles fills your nose as the moon illuminates the room with a bath of light. You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself and blow the lid of the box before opening it. You take and turn the Polaroid over so that the photo is hidden. Inside the box were notes from your high school friends, a collection of interchangeable erasers in the shape of animals or people, and a bunch of other Polaroids. Pictures of you and your friends in all sorts of situations, but also photos of him, smiling next to you. You take a short break, eat your noodles, and realize you've opened Pandora's box.

You lie down on the sofa and take the photo you turned over a few minutes earlier. It was the most meaningful photo of the two of you you kept everyday on your phone and you remembered exactly how you'd put it back in the box that afternoon when he broke up with you, tears streaming down your cheeks. Since that day, you hadn't touched it again.

You take the photo in your hand and plunge years back in time to that day when you were ice skating. It was your way of expressing yourself, of sharing emotions that no words could describe. Geto always appreciated the way you danced, the fluidity and delicacy that emanated from your movements. When you started dating and throughout your relationship, you introduced him to your passion, even though he didn't really know how to stand on ice, he made the effort to enter your world. You spent many moments on ice, you were holding him back from falling, laughing to the point where your stomachs would hurt. It was a bubble the two of you shared and the best moments you spent with him. That photo was taken by the lovely rink cleaner, Geto was holding on your waist while you were making bunny ears behind his head, both of you enjoying the moment. He was looking at you with so much love. This was the hardest picture you possessed because it showed how intimate he was for you to open up about your world.

You let out a huge sigh and turn off the TV. The same pain you felt back years ago was still there. Even when you both parted ways, even when you left the country to grow strong and live a new life, it was still there. Your hand unconsciously stroked the photo as you realize your gesture. Despite all the anger and pain you felt towards him, you couldn't stop carrying him in your heart, wondering why he'd cut you out of his life the moment he felt so lonely, loosing his subtle smile, dark circles under his eyes. You wondered if he was well surrounded, if he had eaten, and sometimes you thought about being ever included in his true ideal. It was enough for your poor mind, you let the box remain opened as you started to walk in your bedroom, wiping your silent tears.

Morning came fast, you were still saddened by last night. As you walk past the sofa, you close the lid of the box.

“Nah! Not today sir” you mumbled.

Today’s plan was to go out to buy some groceries, and so you did, but you also had to meet someone. You were still close with old friends like Satoru Gojo. He was Geto’s most trusted friend and best companion. You both kept in touch after Geto left, and he wanted to see how you were doing. But deep down, you knew he was going to tell you something important. And so, here you are talking with him at the highest point of the park.

“How was life outside?” Gojo asks

“It was nice i guess? I mean it did change me. I needed to go somewhere else i couldn’t bear to stay here. But thanks to that, i learned more about occult energy and trained really hard. Sleep, training, work, it became my new routine. I was staying at my father’s family home so i could work and pay the rent for my apartment here because i knew i would eventually come back i can’t just simply run away.” you let out a fainted smile

He looks at you, “But something was missing” he tells.

You looked back at him, he could read you like an open book, there was no need to lie to him and to yourself — “You know who was missing Gojo and i think you miss him too.”

He didn't answer, but deep down you knew he was as affected as you were. You handed him a cookie — which he took gently, letting out a tiny smile.

A brief not-so-awkward silence moment falls between you two. The winter wind gently blows through your hair.

“I still don’t understand why he left so suddenly, i knew he was going through something, that his mind began to change, i was there when he talked about it, when he felt so tired of consuming this energy, the taste of curse and anger was unbearable. I tried to comfort him, to be the person he could lean on, i thought everything was going well between us but he still left everyone behind including you and me.” — You paused. Gojo was silent, he knew you had to get this off your chest. You carry on — “I can’t blame him, I didn’t know exactly how he felt and he couldn’t be stopped either, he had already made up his mind and the mass killing attack was one of the most shocking news i could have heard. Love is so complicated, he became who he is and i still can’t forget his face, how close we were, the sweet moments between us, the pinky promises we’ve made. You know, he leaved me in front of the ice rink…” You take a deep breath a sad smile covering your face — “His face looked hurt and we were both crying, i’d like to think he did it because he knew i wasn’t following him into this path that maybe he wouldn’t want me to change. He was genuine that’s all i know.”

Gojo looked at you, he had to tell you in the classy “gojo way” style what happened when you were away, he had to prepare you for the news he was about to tell.

“You know I’m a teacher right?” He says. You nodded. He talked briefly about him being a teacher and having special students in his class when you had i'm on the phone before. You wondered what he was going to tell you but you sensed something was not right.

“As i've told you before, i’m teaching all i can know to my students. One of them possesses something…well, he is cursed by theory by a powerful spirit. Geto came back for this sole reason when he heard about it and tried to persuade him to join his new world. I think he he's searching for something else and i guess it's linked to my student’s cursed spirit. Little guy refused and didn't understand what Geto desired. He then threatened to unleash a huge amount of curses on several locations at the sundown of December 24th.”

You were utterly speechless as you gazed intently at Gojo, astonished by the news. Geto was still alive, which reassured you, but hearing your friend confirm your doubts was harder. The information finally entered your mind as you realized and told him panicking —

“B-but today’s the 24th??”

"I apologize for not calling you sooner, but we must be ready to face him and when i heard you were coming back, i needed you to be be strong enough. He won't give up, and we both recognize that he is unstoppable".

You hated when Gojo was right. You've been wishing to see your past lover one last time, and that day is approaching faster than you thought.

“Let me go with you.” You answered

He hesitated a second,he knew you wanted to see him and he couldn't do that right after what he just told you. He then agreed. He takes you to his students and all the school’s exorcists, ready to fight Geto's cursed spirits and his team. The sun was about to set, the rays of light were almost no longer prominent. It was time. And so the Night Parade, a "war" began. You were with Gojo and the others the whole time while two of his student were somewhere else. After a long battle between Geto's allies and cursed spirits, Gojo realized that something was wrong and that the real battle wasn't here. He called out to you —

“If I'm not back in 20 minutes, come and join me at Tokyo Jujutsu High!” You nodded back in the middle of a fight. You were fighting as best as you can with your pole arm.

It has already been 20 minutes which meant you could finally join him in the battle. You run and jump throught the streets as fast as you can until you land in a silent alley. Blood stains were visible on the ground. A dangerous and difficult fight came to an end here. You arrived too late. You see Gojo far away and someone laying down on a wall, a severed arm laying next to the bleeding body. Not only that, but you knew who he was. Your body responded right away. You began to run until you were finally facing the man you loved.

Geto groans in pain and turns his head until he faces you and freezes of surprise. He couldn’t believe you were here, all changed, and more beautiful than ever. He thought you hated him when he broke up with you in front of your most meaningful place. He thought he did great by letting you go. Hurting you was the easiest way for him as he wanted to spare you from his new worldview.

You kneeled down, completely lost. You couldn’t believe that the cause of your rage, your suffering and also your love was on the verge of death.

“Not the best state and place to meet again don’t you think?” Geto tells with a fainted smile

You couldn’t hold the chuckle that left from your mouth. It seemed like anger and sorrows vanished instantly.

“I see that i still have my sense of humor.” he pauses “How are you?”

“I don’t know…you tell me. It’s kinda hard to meet someone you love in this situation you know?”

“I thought you hated me”

“I did…for some time, i think i wanted to hate you but i simply couldn’t.” — you continued, “You know, i still wished for a chance to meet you once again. I'm glad I got to see your face one last time, even though it wasn't under ideal circumstances..”

“My moral compass is broken. That would have been too selfish for me to keep you while i knew i would have hurt you one day, when i knew you disagreed with my thoughts.” — he tells you while his hand gently caresses your cheek. You hold onto his numb hand covered in blood. You were trying not to cry but you couldn’t stop the menacing tears that were already falling all over your face.

“I’m glad the stars gave me the opportunity to see you once again, y/n.”

“You were in pain, dealing with your own self and goals, and i really hope you’ll get to find what you wanted the most.” you cried

“I think i did” he smiled fondly at your figure

It was the same lovely smile you cherished dearly. The two of you sobbed. You both missed each other's presence. He tries to hug you but he’s in so much pain that it’s impossible for him to move. You lower down and hug him tightly, your face placed in the crook of his neck. His remaining arm brings you a tad closer to his bloody chest and the crimson puddle surrounding you, but you couldn’t care less. His hand strokes your hair and when your eyes meet he gently kisses you for the last time. It was a deep gesture that shared an infinite number of words and love.

Geto was becoming more and more unconscious, the blood never ceasing to emanate from his body. He knew he had to go, and you knew he had made up his mind. And so, he kissed your forehead and whispered “i love you” which you replied between two sobs “i love you too”.

This was Geto's final statement. His chest stopped moving, he was finally resting on your arms.

Gojo came from behind, his students were next to him. He saw the scene. He had to fight his best friend and that was a lot to take in for him too. You turn your head over him and nod to let him know Geto was no longer part of this world. He immediately understood your gesture and tried to smile back empathizing with you.

Coming back yesterday was the best decision you’ve made. You finally got your closure and a chance to move on. The stars listened to your request, you both were finally reunited one last time, united by destiny that day.

hope you had fun reading! (^_-) line divider Dodger blue by benkeibear

sunelia.

Ive been thinking about this FOREVER!!! It haunts me >:]

Possible scenario:

Bob comes into work one day with a new nametag reading "Floytt" and all his coworkers/friends are like "Whoa dude they messed up ur nametag" NO! THE PAPERS FOR THEIR LAST NAME WENT THROUGH AND ROBERT BOB FLOYD IS OFFICIALLY ROBERT BOB FLOYTT!!!!!!!!

Also also how and when do the squad find out about Reader and Rhet?????

Your writing is absolutely fucking amazing and Im obsessed with it 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Omg, omg 😭 Bob can never figure out when to mention that he's in the process of changing his last name to Floytt because he's always worried that it'll sound too out of the blue. So he just doesn't mention it until the change has become official, and he's given that temporary sticker until they can get him a proper nametag made up.

It's another pilot that mentions it, someone Bob forgets the name of, but he knows is friends with Rueben. Some guy who hardly thinks twice when he points at Bob's nametag, loudly crowing, "Dude! They really fucked up your nametag!"

Poor Bob is opening and closing his mouth like a fish because it's way too early to be trying to explain the whole name situation. But before he can find the right words to say, it clicks for the members of his primary friend group.

...or maybe it just clicks for Jake, and he gives it away to the others with his, "Floyd plus Abbott, huh?"

And Bobby does not get a moment of peace for the rest of the fucking week because "it's always the quiet ones." The name is such a slight chance that it keeps forcing him to explain that it's not a typing error and is, in fact, his new last name 😭

The squad technically found out about Rhett and Reader's existences towards the end of Not Rhett, so roughly within the first month of Bob meeting them, but it's not explicitly mentioned.

Bob had brought the Daggers to the festival with him, and it was only a matter of time before someone asked why he kept disappearing for hours on end. But nobody learns of the relationship until about six months after it became official. Bobby's sly, like that. Keeping it a secret and blatantly dropping it in the middle of lunch after Nat jokingly asked if he was texting his partner.

They met Reader and Rhett a little after the one-year anniversary when they'd come to greet Bob fresh off his deployment. It was a surprising meeting, but Nat loves the Reader half to death, and Rhett and Jake have gotten along quite well with the whole blue-collar cowboy thing 💕

The new mods: Electric boogaloo!

I (Leo) very excited to introduce 3 new mods joining us on the Terror Bingo Team, Tree, Jeems, and JD! Thank you to all who applied or reached out to help, I am beyond grateful.

As for the new mods, it’s best if they introduce themselves: 

Hello! I’m Jeems, 27, any pronouns, jamesjamesonfitzjames on Tumblr, jamesjamesonfitzjames/MillicentArcher on ao3. I got into the fandom just a little late for Bingo last year and I’m so glad Leo and Saura stepped up to run it again this year. 😊

Being involved in this fandom and seeing how active it truly is makes me want to get more involved with modding for the various fandom events. I’m excited to get to know more folks! I’m pretty regularly lurking in the Discord, so feel free to reach out. 🥰 

I’m Tree, he/they, 30, unnecessary on AO3 and Bluesky, unnecessaryligatures on Tumblr. I also joined fandom too late for bingo last year, so I am looking forward to participating and helping out! One of the things I love about the Terror fandom is all the creative events that happen each year. I’m excited to get a chance to help out with this one and meet new people!  

I’m JD, I’m 25, he/him, jdmara on tumblr/ao3/bsky, TheJDMara on twitter, I’ve done plenty of terror events before (Terror Big Bang and a valiant attempt at Terror Bingo back in 2021/2022, the Terror Calendar for the past few years, the Terror Zine…) but I’ve never modded for this fandom yet. I have modded discord servers before though!

And as a quick recap there’s me, Leo ey/eir or mixed pronouns of a crotchety old 30+ and can be found at fitzgender nearly everywhere except on AO3 and my art tumblr where I’m ofthestrangersilk. I like to rotate the men and the ice, the ice and the men, and think all cold boys deserve to be put into Situations, hence the modding of events.

In other news, regular service has now resumed 🫡 so look out for more fun things to come! We’ve very excited to see all the fun things you have been creating and don’t forget to tag us @theterrorbingo so we can help share it with everyone.

FAQ ~ Bingo Card Request ~ Additional Bingo Card ~ Sticker Request ~ Discord ~ AO3 Collection

What was Britney's relationship with the turtles like?

HUEHUEHUEHUE

Master Splinter kinda acts like a stand-in parental figure for Britney. She's gone through so much and he acts like a soft landing for her, so she can have time to process the current state of everyone's situation. Splinter also takes a realization that Britney is NOT cut out to be constantly going out fighting the Foot Clan or Kraang, but understands that she's too stubborn to be left behind. So, he assigns Leo and himself to start training her, in hopes that Britney can have SOME sort of defense. All in all, Britney has a huge amount of respect for Splinter, but isn't 100% sure how to connect with him, especially since she was taught opposite values that he has. Splinter finds her to be a bright girl with a wonderful future, and he just wants to make sure that he gets a chance in this world. Before his death, one of his last, personal lessons for her was teaching forgiveness. Both Baxter and Angela have taught a sense of holding grudges and seeking vengeance to fuck people over, and Splinter is the first to help break that cycle. She misses him, dearly.

April is like, her main sense of normalcy when living with the turtles. She was her apartment neighbor, so the two have a connection already. April acts as a sort of older sister/cousin. She attends her track meets, her parent conferences, etc. They'll even have "girl days" where she takes Britney out for lunch, shopping, and getting their nails/hair done as a treat!

Casey, is like the shitty older brother she always fight with. He'll wet willy her often, give mean nicknames, and all in all, a little shit. Britney returns the same teasing, by covering his hockey uniform in pink glitter and stickers. The two butt heads but have alot of fun.

Leo and Britney are SOO geeky! The two act serious when he needs to tutor her in fighting, in which it's hilarious bits of Leo deepening his voice to give some wise, out-the-ass, lesson, and Britney is like, trying to follow along, only to make fun of him. After training though, the two geek out over Space Heroes and other shows.

I think I'm gonna go a different route for Donnie and Britney. The two aren't fans of each other. It's a battle of prodigy minds, and she's constantly criticizing his contraptions. There's also a sense that because she's basically a Stockman, he doesn't trust her too much in the beginning, especially when she starts living with them. They do a lot of mind-fucking with each other, always trying to be the one above the other, so it leads to a lot of sibling rivalry. The only times they get along is when she needs help with homework and he the only smart one who gets what her homework is. Tiny one off, but Britney does ask him to turn her dad back, and Donnie response was basically, "Why would I do that?"

Raph and Britney are competition buddies! They like to be aggressive with each other alot, and always fighting to be on top. Raph and Casey do help her train outside of just fighting, such as her track races. They sneak into the football field and have alot of races, and Britney is determine to beat him one day. Other than training and track meets, they play alot of video games, pinball games, and even sneaking her out to play DDR. They keep each other busy :)

Mikey is her absolute best friend in the whole, wide world. Since meeting in early season three, the two were able to instantly click. He truly is a older brother, both having extreme interest in each other hobbies and ideals. He teaches her how to skateboard and roller skate, she teaches him how to have a better intuition, and the two can have ridiculous amounts of fun and connecting. They share comics, toys, games, everything! Tiny headcannon, when Mikey threw the retro-mutagen at Baxter, then proceeds to punch him, it was because he knew it's what Britney would've wanted.

Arlo Rook has decided it’s time to move out of Garren Castle, home for orphans of all races, magical or not, at 100 years old.

It’s not the first time he’s left home, but after a setback that landed the Hedge Witch in the hospital a year ago, he ended up right back at square one. But now he’s ready to strike out on his own, despite his friend’s worries that he’s not ready for the ‘real world.’

Then, he crashes into a mess of copper curls and bright eyes, sending apothecary goods and his life into a chaotic mess. Thatch is a mysterious and incredibly wealthy benefactor of Levena, only spoken of but never seen. He requests a night of Arlo’s company and a tour of the city, which Arlo immediately declines.

But that’s not the last time they see each other, and it certainly wasn’t the first. Arlo doesn’t remember him, no one remembers Thatch after he visits, but Thatch never forgot the Witch with a familiar mark on his face.

Thatch Phantom is an immortal, the last of his kind and perpetually bored. When he’s not closing inter-dimensional rifts and corralling demons, he’s visiting his favorite city of all, Levena. Centuries ago, when life was particularly dull, he set up a scavenger hunt for a starving village, providing them with a year’s worth of supplies.

He anonymously returned year after year, upping the ante and providing less practical things, as the village had become a city and was wealthy beyond belief. Festivals were thrown in his honor, and have continued every year since. Hundreds of years later, The Game is still put on by the fabled ‘Scarlet Illusionist,' but no one has figured out who blesses them with the puzzles.

Once again, Thatch is listless and has decided to throw a wild card into this year’s Game. Whoever discovers him will win one wish of their choice, no restrictions. Aside from the obvious, such as no falling in love, murder, or resurrection.

What he didn’t anticipate was crashing into the one person whose soul mark flares like a beacon when Thatch is around, teasing the immortal with the one thing he wants most.

Someone to call home.

What follows is a wild chain of events filled with magical coffee shops, villains with vendettas against cheese makers, moving tattoos, grand puzzles, and second chances at love, and life.

Phantom and Rook is available in print, ebook, and audio. Signed paperbacks are also available through my bookstore. The audiobook, narrated by Kirt Graves, is available on Audible, Spotify, Libro, and other online retailers which can be found through this Books2Read link.

It's also available in some libraries, and if it's not in yours you can always request it.

The cover is illustrated by @crossroadart-seabear who I highly recommend following, they've done other brilliant covers and have comics, along with cool merch like cryptid stickers.

Tropes in PAR

☀️ Grumpy x Sunshine

🏳️‍🌈 Misfit Found Family

⛈️ Forgotten Memories

❤️ Idiots to Lovers

🎧 Dual POV

💊Mental Health and Disability Rep

❤️‍🔥Slow Burn Mutual Pining

🪙 Treasure Hunt based on The Secret

Before Reading:

This is an adult fantasy novel with queer characters who swear, smoke cannabis, get tattoos, and pester each other with inappropriate comments.

There is mention of a past suicide attempt, reference to a previous prolonged physical and mental abuse situation, and alcoholism. Several of the characters live with mental illness and it is discussed several times.

There are a few graphic sexual scenes towards the end because this is undoubtedly a slow burn with lots of pining.

Lastly, this is a feel good book with a happy ending, but perhaps not in the way you’d expect.

Spotify

What peni's role will be in beyond the spiderverse perhaps beyond will do for peni like what across did for Gwen?

Hmmmm, good question…

Personally, I don’t think it’ll be much more prominent than her role in ITSV, especially now that the team is Bigger. She’ll likely be paired with Margo for tech stuff and then of course probably fall back with Noir and Ham during combat. Spider-Verse has that very fun thing I love in voice direction where it lets the VAs talk over each other and stuff so there’ll probably be a lot of that happening since Spideys are Naturally Chatty. Maybe there’ll also be a convo between Miles and Peni about her dad and how she’ll do everything she can to help Miles save his dad because he has the Chance To. Also Also!! I’m SO excited for whatever action scenes they’re cooking up cuz the team up sequences are Literally some of my Favorite parts of the films and it’ll be awesome seeing the new SP//dr suit in action!!

Now, if you’re asking me my take on how Peni could have a larger role in BTSV, we can dig into it a little.

Imagine the film opening on a computer screen, running calculations after calculations that keep being Rejected. A lone girl is working on a mech, slapping silly stickers where she wants to and letting a Spider crawl around her arms and pointing to equipment and tools she needs. A PA crackles and calls SP//dr to action.

The girl finishes up what she’s doing as Spider skitters to his spot in the mech to start it up. Putting aside the equipment, the girl listens as a man, her Uncle Ben, informs her of the situation. She climbs into the mech, stares for a moment at the computer still rejecting calculations, and lets the hatch close shut.

The console lights up. Music plays, techno pop, the volume low at first as SP//dr swings through the city and confronts a Baddie. All the while, a narration plays:

“My name is Peni Parker. When I was 9, I was bitten by Spider and followed in my father’s footsteps to become SP//dr. I didn’t know he was a hero until the day he died. He was just there, one day, and gone the next and then I met my Aunt May and Uncle Ben for the first time, and they gave me a Choice.

“To be honest, it hadn’t really felt like one.

“I made it work. I had to. What would Oscorp do without its best asset! I did everything I had to and More. I had Ben and May and Spider and that was it. I was alone.

“And then I wasn’t.”

Cuts of ISTV of Peni with everyone.

“Five other Spiders!! And the potential for so many more.”

Cut to Peni returning to her dimension and rebuilding SP//dr. Her working on how to dimension hop willingly. Her meeting Addy and eventually becoming friends.

Her going out with Addy for VE#m’s first real field mission. Her having to Fight VE#m as her Aunt May enters the mech to rescue Addy.

Her opening the mech after the fight and realizing it’s Too Late.

Her huddled on her bed with Spider and going over how to rebuild SP//dr Again.

Then, a portal opens, and Gwen steps out and finally (Finally) Peni isn’t alone again.

“The Spider Society. I thought it was everything we needed. But…”

Canon Events are explained to her. She sees the endless row of Spiders huddling over their dying loved ones and sees herself standing quietly over her father’s grave. She hadn't been with him during his last moments. He’d taken her camping the week before he died and the last thing he’d said to her after dropping her off at school was that “things will be different soon. Better.”

The last words she’d heard from Addy and her Aunt had been of terror. Not goodbyes.

And I’ve mentioned this before, but at first Peni rejects the idea that Things have to go a Certain Way. Cut to her computer that continues reject calculations. Cut to her as techno pop roars and she beats the Baddie.

She gets a message from HQ. Miles has finally (temporarily) been allowed in. They’re going to Explain, and she should be there to help Soften the Blow.

Peni knows it’s not gonna work, but she goes anyways because Miles is her Friend.

“…I was wrong.”

Miles explodes containment with his venom. SP//dr takes a moment too long to right itself and everyone else is already in hot pursuit. She lags behind and eventually stands in the Go Home room and watches Miles escape and Gwen call the Society out.

Peni shares a look with Peter B, with Margo, and then leaves for her dimension. She rips her watch off her wrist and throws it on her workbench as she turns to her computer.

She enters in a new calculation, something she hadn’t thought of before.

Miles was a factor she’d never considered.

The computer hums as Peni fiddles with a different watch with Spider. A “just in case” machine that Hobie had suggested in passing one day.

She slaps it on as a chaotic portal opens up and Gwen waits for her. Peni grabs her jacket and drapes it over her shoulders as she climbs into SP//dr.

The computer beeps.

A probability. A Chance.

Peni smiles and follows after Gwen.

(Imagine Peni handing Miles a new set off web shooters as he adjusts a punk rock dimensional watch on his wrist. She lingers in the moment and tells Miles that if she’d had a chance to save her loved ones, she’d have taken it and done everything she could. She tells him that he’s got the chance and the probability for success is Low, but when has that Ever stopped a Spidey from Trying?

Imagine her confronting Miguel as they hold him down from making Another Mistake. Lyla going over the calculation herself and agreeing. And Peni opening up her mech to look into the eyes of a still mourning father reflected in her gaze as a mourning daughter. “There’s Hope, Miguel. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

And imagine her at the end of it all, coordinating with other tech Spideys to Prevent Tragedies. They’re the good guys. They’re supposed to Help People and they will and they are and This is the feeling of Togetherness Peni was chasing and has finally Caught.)

My thoughts on the Chuggaaconroy situation.

So I was completely blindsided. I happened to find out about this several days after it first broke, by pure chance when I decided to see if he'd done the last Sticker Star video yet. Turns out he did, but I'm not sure if it would ever be okay for me to watch it now.

I remember the exact circumstances that led to me watching his videos in the first place. It was April 5th, 2012, and again by chance. I'd decided to look up Super Mario Sunshine on TV Tropes to see if they had anything to say about the whole "Mama Peach" thing, and they referenced his LP on that page, so I started watching and was hooked...and also found many other LPers through his work. I had a bit of a crush on him at one point. I was overjoyed when he finally confirmed he had autism because here was someone who'd had the same experiences and difficulties as me. For years, it was a routine for me to sit down with my dinner at 5 and watch his new video.

Admittedly, I was a bit less of a fan since 2020 or so because he did say some things that made me uncomfortable, but I never would have known that it went to THAT extent. When I saw the underage stuff yesterday, I literally felt physically ill.

I have a fanfic I'm going to have to edit because it made references to him. I'm considering deleting all the posts in my Tumblr archive that reference him. I might never be able to play Pokemon BW again because of the Hiker theme.

I'd encourage everyone to support Masae, Tim, Jon, et al in any way they possibly can. Maybe I'll even try sending them some bits on Twitch if I can ever figure out how that whole damn system works.

I have no clue when I'll be done processing all this TBH.

dts s2 e3-5

e3: -i love this episode because i've always said that carlos & daniel's careers are parallels. their journey's could've easily been swapped based on luck and chance. as will buxton points out if things had gone differently it could've ended carlos' career. so much chance is involved in this sport, more than we're usually comfortable with acknowledging!! -daniel backing into dany is 23japan checo pitstop level of absurdity. love it -i hope cyril was fucking him silly. tbh -"where's the fucking boot?" top 10 dts quotes -i miss the orange/blue racesuits So Much btw

e4: -so so so excited for this one -flashback sequence abt mercedes rise to power makes me emotional. v motivated to go back and watch those years -also is somehow comforting in the midst of the rb domination era. mercedes were SO dominant at this time it felt impossible to overcome, and if they could fall off so could red bull, so could anyone, its all constantly changing and thats good! -"be a bit more intelligent today than normal" obsessed. gunther v toto german-off is iconic -lewis casually talking abt having a ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR DEGREE FEVER and still coming to work is insane to me. there should be more safety standards regarding illness fr -the side effect of me watching s4 first for the first time ever is that max v lewis is wired into my brain anytime they're mentioned or seen next to eachother, on track or off i go INSANE all the connections in my brain go haywire -long pit stops are always legitimately PAINFUL to watch. not that i could do better in a high pressure situation like that, but i'm just wincing the whole time waiting for it to be over

ep5: -love how this episode starts with christian horner being choked out by his child -hope whichever daughter of his who said her favorite driver was lewis knows how iconic she was for that -loved max's smize in that photoshoot. he's a natural, i was not insane when i wrote that model!max au -pierre is SO little. i'm so glad he stopped shaving that mustache it is SUCH a better look -pierre's narrative is a) classic red bull chew em up spit em out but b) also highlights how EXPECTED both nyck & logan's struggle was last year. it is NORMAL to struggle when you first get in an new car when you're in your first or second year. anyway so glad my baby (logan) is in a team that doesnt take a red bull approach!!! -geri insisting she works harder than christian is so iconic AND shes right -pierre getting lapped by max -> daniel getting lapped by lando in s4 are cinematic parallels btw -this is another NARRATIVELY well done episode!! obviously i already know whats going to happen, but even if i didn't the episode creates this sense of increasing dread as it goes on, where you can maybe guess where its going but gets you to hope so strongly it doesnt. the peeling off of all of pierre's stickers is just the final blow and the PERFECT choice to end the arc

Zane brain rot is once again taking over my brain

Anyway, in my opinion the best if not funniest situation to the ninjas knowing about the double agent in the long con au is.

Wu knew from the start and so did Nya

Cole found out from the sticker and immediately went “Oh your a double agent” to which Zane was incredibly concerned about his trust in him. Cole thinks it’s hilarious

After that Zane wanted to tell Kai and Jay everyone else thought I was funnier if they figured it out on their own

Zane proceeded to try and tell them but they are big idiots

It became a game of who could be the most obvious about it until they notice. I will push my idiot Jay and Kai agenda

The sticker incident took place in the case in which Zane joins the SOG in the gap between Seabound and Crystalized. In the event that that happens:

Nya wouldn't know because she was uh. Absent. She's one of the last to find out, since she doesn't actually get a chance to catch up with the ninja until a while after she's been de-ocean'd. Not indicative of how much she does or does not pay attention to Zane, just because it's hard to keep tabs on your robot buddy when either you're too busy hanging out with fish and not being a solid or he's stuck in a high security prison.

Wu is THE last to find out, both because he was too busy with his research over the timeskip and also because I can't have him knowing for story purposes; he would absolutely kick up too much of a fuss for it to stay a secret to anyone after that. Maybe. Honestly, my Wu characterization isn't very polished, I don't think about him a whole lot.

Cole and PIXAL both find out over the course of the timeskip, since they're the only ones besides Wu not to leave the monastery and therefore spend the most time with Zane. You're correct in that Cole finds out over the sticker incident; Zane has been frequently disappearing to who knows where mostly during the night, and Cole finally knows where to. PIXAL finds out because she's Samurai X. If the SOG are back in some capacity, and the ninja are split up, who else is gonna fight them? PIXAL is mostly concerned for Zane's safety. He may or may not know that she knows.

Kai finds out shortly after the gang gets back together. His deal with the Red Shogun and Zane's deal with the SOG are not entirely dissimilar, and so Kai is quick to recognize it.

Jay is far too distracted to figure anything out. He doesn't notice anything might be off until someone tells him. In long con "canon(?)", however, things go differently.

You are correct in that your scenario would be funny, though!

LOCATION: The Emergency Room TIMING: Current SUMMARY: Chance has to go to the ER. Again. Zane is not a huge fan of reckless behavior.

It was always a strange sort of solace, clocking in at the ER. It was hectic and definitely heartbreaking at times but here, the pace of his thoughts finally seemed to match the outside world. Zane functioned here whereas back home, with Alma, he felt more like a child. It wasn’t a bad feeling, being protected and cared for but there was purpose to be found at the ER. And tonight was an easy one, assigned to the smaller cuts, bruises and dislocations. No fear of needing to call the crash cart or gnarly wounds that stayed glued to his retinas hours after he saw them. 

The last patient had made his heart swell, a young girl with a greenstick fracture in her forearm from being pushed at the playground. He’d taken a bit too long with her, Zane knew that, but placing a ridiculous amount of stickers on her cast after he’d put it on had seemed necessary. She’d had a predisposition for dinosaurs and had insisted on sticking one to his name badge before leaving. 

His next patient was older, 21 year old male with a sprained elbow. X-ray had come out fine so Zane just had to fix him up and send him on his way. There wasn’t much in the doctor’s note about the injury, not that it mattered, but an elbow sprain wasn’t too common in patients this age. 

“Hi, there. I’m Zane, gonna be fixing up that arm so it doesn’t get messed up further,” he said cheerily, still on a high from his new young friend from before, as he walked into the room. 

—--

Chance’s arm hurt like hell, but he was trying to stay positive. He also wasn’t particularly thrilled to be reminded how unfond of hospitals he was. He hadn’t been in an emergency room since he was a little kid, and for obvious reasons had avoided them like the plague ever since. The last few months had ruined that philosophy a bit. Between stitches and more than a few sprained limbs, Chance had spent more than a couple late nights lounging in the chairs of the lobby and waiting to be seen. It never stopped him from rushing from the place as soon as he possibly could.

He wasn’t convinced that his arm wasn’t broken. At least that was how it felt right about now. Chance had never had a particularly high pain tolerance, mostly because he had always avoided anything that could lead to injuries as much as he possibly could. His new lease on life had come with a questionable sense of self preservation. But what did it matter anyways? Once he was a zombie an injury like this would heal in no time. If anything, he should be annoyed that he wasn’t already dead. At least then the pain would be over quickly.

Chance wiped any doubt or emotion from his face as soon as he heard the nurse come in - replacing it with a bright and easy smile. At the beginning, the smiles seemed impossible to fake. Now, Chance had faked it so much that he was pretty sure he had made it. “Howdy Zane. My chart should tell you that I’m Chance. And should hopefully tell you that I’m good to go yeah? It’s not broken right?” He was going to tell himself that until it was true.

— 

This guy was peppy and, thankfully, not drunk. Zane didn’t really have a fondness for dealing with drunk people since they made everything twice as hard. “Well, Chance, you are actually correct. Badly sprained though, so you’re going to sporting one of these bad boys for a while.” Zane turned to the man, holding a roll of elastic bandage he’d need to wrap the arm up in. “Got a choice of plain blue or red with hearts. Also, got some painkillers if you want them.”

He brought both rolls and the plastic cup of pain meds over to the metal table situated next to Chance, dragging up a rolling chair to plop down onto. “It’s better than a cast but you’re still going to need to be careful for the next few weeks.” Glancing up at the guy, Zane wondered how he’d gotten the injury. He didn’t look like he’d been in a fight and tripping was uncommon without alcohol or icy sidewalks. 

“Doing alright? I’ve heard these can really hurt.” He paused for a second, making a motion for the man to uncover his arm. “How’d you sprain it?”

—--

Hell yeah, not broken! Wearing a sling wasn’t too bad, at least when compared to how bad the injury could have been. Once again, Chance scrapes by without major injury. Must be this positive attitude he keeps. “No contest. Red with hearts, obviously. I have a reputation to uphold.” He wasn’t quite sure what that reputation actually was, but it seemed like the right thing to say in the moment. “I may be an idiot, but I’m not a masochist. I’ll take the pain meds.”

Careful wasn’t exactly Chance’s forte, at least not anymore, but maybe he could manage to minimize his risks of injury at least long enough to get out of the sling. It would certainly keep Ariadne’s blood pressure lower for a few weeks. 

“Oh, it hurts like hell. But I’m powering through.” Chance grinned at the man, hoping that was an indicator of his attempt to ignore the pain. “Oh, it was no big deal. I was with a couple of friends at Champlain Falls and one of those dudes dared me that I wouldn’t jump off the falls” Chance said this as incredulously as he felt when the guy had first baited him, “Obviously I had to prove him wrong. And I did obviously. But I missed have hit something on my way down.”

—

Zane snorted out a quiet laugh at the young man’s choice of wrapping, having somehow suspected what the answer would be all along. It was nice to feel almost giddy at work for a change, all warm from the last encounter and the easy joking this one brought. Just as he grabbed the arm to make sure it was ready for wrapping, the cause of the injury made itself clear. 

“You what?” His eyes widened, staring incredulously at the younger man. A dare. A sprained elbow that could have ended broken or with him lying comatose somewhere, all for a dare? Like an unexpected slap, it hit Zane where he recognized the name Chance for. “You’re the humblebrag guy from online, aren’t you?” he blurted out, shaking his head at the realization. “No wonder you’re always in the ER if someone can literally tell you to jump off a cliff and you do it.”

A resigned sigh left him, good mood slightly spoiled now because people could be dumb. And what kind of friends would dare someone to jump off a cliff? Bad friends, at least in Zane’s books. He turned the arm in his grasp, gently despite the mild annoyance building up. This guy was reckless but a patient nonetheless. “What, someone else dared a friend to bite you, then?” 

The teeth marks on Chance’s arm looked pretty well healed but still visible, clearly just one of the many marks this guy had managed to litter his body with despite only being 21. 

—

The mood noticeably shifted once Chance explained the reason that he was there. He wasn’t exactly surprised. The emergency room staff never seemed particularly impressed with any of Chance’s injuries and even less so with the cause of them. Especially the nurses that had dealt with him on more than one occasion. That may have been how he had finally ended up with Zane. All the usual people passed him off. 

“Okay, well technically no. They didn’t tell me to jump off a cliff. They told me I wouldn’t jump off a cliff. And I have a thing about proving people wrong.” As if that was any sort of defense. Chance surprised himself with the small twinge of embarrassment he felt in that moment.. Something about being scolded by someone similar in age to him hit harder than when the nurses decades older did it. That feeling was doubled when the man spotted the bite. It wasn’t a big secret or anything, but it wasn’t something that Chance was readily prepared to explain. He could feel his cheeks blushing, but he persevered through them and maintained the same, easygoing composure that he always held, “Couldn’t tell you. I’d like to say it was a night to remember but… well, I don’t remember it.”

Chance sat helplessly while Zane inspected his arm, “Do you make it a habit of judging everyone that comes into the ER?”

—

Shit. Zane had felt the steady pulse heighten slightly as he… well, as he scolded the younger man. It was a bad habit, and unprofessional to boot, but worry tended to come out as annoyance. Chance’s cheeks were turning red and yeah, wasn’t that just a punch to the gut. Way to make sure he never gets any wound checked out ever again, Zane. 

Meeting the man’s gaze with earnest regret, he turned it so that the offending bite mark was no longer in view. “Honestly? Sometimes, and I shouldn’t. I scolded an old lady once for mixing up her medication and basically giving herself arrhythmia because she was too stubborn to get a prescription delivery.” She hadn’t deserved it and obviously, this guy didn’t either. People did stupid stuff and at least Chance had the good sense to get his arm checked out. “I’m sorry. Really. You wanna do a dare, that’s literally none of my business.” He offered what he hoped was a comforting smile, finally starting the task of wrapping up the guy’s arm so he could get out of here like he clearly wanted to. Instead, he’d gotten berated for his, admittedly stupid, choices. 

“Not like everyone doesn’t do stupid things from time to time,” Zane spoke up after a moment, eyes on the task at hand. “I think I was six or seven when I got dared to swallow a rock. Don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom that mad.” She’d eventually had to take him to the hospital, something their people really didn’t fancy doing (what’s the use for medication when the world will end soon, anyway), when his stomach pains had gotten too severe. “Probably would have cried if some nurse had basically hinted at me being an idiot.” The nurse had been nice, kind, and it was a nice interaction to remember instead of getting focused on his mother at this moment. 

“There.” Zane tucked away the end of the bandage, making sure it was all set in place. “No heavy lifting and maybe no cliff jumping for the next few weeks, at least?” A smile, hopefully conveying the message of a joke and not another jab at him. “Oh, and…” As an afterthought, Zane peeled the dinosaur sticker from his name badge, tapping it gently onto the already colorful bandage. “For me being a total dick. And you hopefully not complaining to my supervisor”

—-- 

Well, shit. Chance had thought the two were just building some rapport here, but apparently the only thing Chance had accomplished was making the man feel like a bad person and worse nurse. All Chance had really wanted to do was deflect from receiving any valid criticisms of his own poor decisions. Chance hated taking anything too seriously, but he also hated the idea of anyone hating him more. So some back peddling would need to be done. 

“Hey, dude. Just to be clear I was like one hundred percent joking.” Chance tried, attempting to keep the mood light while also becoming as somber as possible. “I am fully aware that jumping off a cliff wasn’t my brightest moment. I don’t actually care that you think I shouldn’t go cliff diving on a regular basis. We both know who is actually right here. Just like it was totally that lady’s fault for mixing up her medication.”

At least Zane’s anecdote gave Chance a good reason to smile again, “Hell yeah. So what you’re saying is that you’re a daredevil too? Or six year old you was, at least. I dig it.”

As Zane finished up wrapping the bandage, Chance realized that he’d be escorted out. He didn’t love the idea that he may leave with the nurse thinking he was actually offended by anything said. “I’ll try to refrain from cliffs. I’ll stick with steep hills or flights of stairs instead.” Chance studied the dinosaur sticker on his bandages and laughed, “This is adorable and I will cherish it until it inevitably falls off.” He used his unbandaged hand to pat the sticker down for good measure. “How about I consider not sending in a formal complaint if you consider hanging out sometime? Seriously, my cousin would be thrilled if I made a friend that didn’t dare me to dive off cliffs regularly.”

–

It was huge weight lifted, seeing the conversation and mood move back to solid ground. With relief that he’d neither jeopardized his job nor the odds of Chance returning with his inevitable next injury, Zane felt like he could (metaphorically) breathe again. “Oh yeah, totally wild,” he said sarcastically, a small smile playing on his lips again now. It was funny to think that under any other circumstances, this back and forth banter would have felt pretty much impossible. Something about being in the hospital, scrubs on and persona solidified, made it so much easier to talk to people. A confident guy like Chance would have had Zane either fumbling for words or keeping his distance if they’d met anywhere else. 

Eyes rolling at the joke, Zane made a decision not to comment on it, part of him feeling like there was maybe a little bit of truth to the words. Best keep away to spare the guy from another one of Zane’s worry scoldings. As he was wondering how many guys he’d met around his own age who would have, A, chosen a heart spattered bandage and B, been this happy with a dinosaur sticker, Chance caught him off guard. 

Hang out sometime. Was that something people were able to just casually ask each other without freaking out about the response? Also, he wanted to hang out with Zane minutes after proving just how uncool he was about literally anything exciting? A bit flustered, it took him probably a bit too long to respond, at least longer than anyone sane would have. “Uh… yeah. Sure.” Sounding much less enthusiastic than he actually was, he added, “I mean, if only for your cousin. Obviously.” Tearing a small corner off a nearby paper, he scribbled his details onto it, feeling much too self conscious as he passed it on. “Just… you know, hit me up or whatever. If that’s what people say. I should probably leave the hospital more.” One bandaged arm, one possibility of a new friend. 

I've had a couple of wonderful evenings lately.

I got to play pickleball with @broomchickabroom and @northshoretragedyeagle (and Derek!) last night, and then we sat together and ate fresh-baked peach cobbler and banana bread. It was a perfect evening with great people. I went to bed feeling so much better than I had all week.

I got to see my beloved nieces tonight and I got SO much time with my favorite little niece, playing sticker book together and reading to her.

These are the bright spots I'm holding onto and that give me hope for the future. I had something else happen earlier this week and earlier today that was more difficult.

I had a good mental health day for once on Wednesday, probably because I talked to two friends that day. My mom emailed me later that night and truly threw me for a loop. For context - she has been heavily pressuring my husband and I to have a child ASAP ever since we got married in September 2020. We've been firm on the fact that we're not ready yet and are taking our time to be emotionally ready for this lifetime commitment of being parents.

The email she sent was... difficult. She resumed the pressure to have a kid ASAP, in light of my dad's diagnosis with aggressive stage four cancer. It went beyond her previous entreaties for us to have a kid ASAP.

"the greatest regret of your dad's life is that he won't be able to see a grandchild"

"just the thought that you are expecting a child will nourish his spirit and give him the hope to go on"

"you have nothing to lose and so much to gain by having a child sooner - a once in a lifetime chance to give your father a priceless gift as he approaches the end of his life."

"this might be the one and most significant gesture you make as his only child"

"sometimes in life, we set aside our plans and life routines and conveniences because life asks something special and something greater of us, and we respond and rise to the occasion."

I let my mom know that Derek and I have in fact been thinking about it since my dad's diagnosis, but we have a lot of concerns about pregnancy during such an emotionally fraught time. Namely, our main concern is the very real possibility that my dad might pass away while I am pregnant, before the baby is born, and what it will do to me to be grieving the loss of my dad WHILE undergoing the tremendous emotional, physical, and mental challenge of pregnancy. (While also having type 2 bipolar disorder and alternating between episodes of depression and hypomania.)

My mom flipped out. She said "the time is now" to have a kid, and attacked Derek and I for not caring about my dad's wants. She said that I don't care about my dad, only Derek - who would be the father of my child, the person who raises this child with me, forever. She said that a dying man's wishes don't factor into our decision at all. She said that "for ONCE, just once," in my life, that I think about my father, "because he doesn't have the luxury of time while you figure out if this choice is right to you. The big question for you is, does he matter enough to want to do this for him? The answer is obvious that he does not. He lives on borrowed time, but you are unwilling to step outside your own time frame."

My mom has had massive outbursts of temper periodically for the past 10+ years. She's said a lot, a lot, a LOT, of very hurtful things to me since my teens and throughout my twenties. Things that I've been dealing with in therapy for almost 3 years. I've dealt with it. But this was too much. I became very distraught after this entire interaction on Wednesday night. The emotional manipulation and accusation that I don't care about my dad was too much, especially as I've already been struggling tremendously this summer since my dad was diagnosed.

I spoke to friends about this situation yesterday and spent time with friends. I didn't speak to my mother, though I called my dad twice a day to talk to him, as usual. She sent me a text this morning accusing me of "putting her in the doghouse."

I had a phone call with her and told her how inappropriate, offensive, and hurtful Wednesday night was, and how it is just a long (decade+ long) pattern of behavior - of "normal behavior" and getting along for a few weeks or a couple of months, only to culminate in an explosive display of temper. I told her the truth about how her temper has affected me and told her that I cannot continue to deal with this. I told her the same thing 6.5 years ago, after I moved out - that the outbursts of anger would alienate me, and to please try to moderate that, and she said she wasn't willing to change that behavior, and she would express herself in the way she pleased.

The truth is, my mom terrifies me because of her anger, because of these unpredictable displays of anger, and that's why I've tried to distance myself from her over the past 6.5 years. She's seen me try to distance myself, and she's been so angry about that. Every time I've tried to reconcile with her and give her more chances, she blindsides me again with another incident.

Long story short (lmao, this was not a "long story short," it's been a long story) she doubled down and refused to apologize, or to make any changes to her behavior. We are now estranged. I will stay in touch with my dad and will not be in touch with her.

It's difficult, it's painful, but nobody in my life has ever hurt me more than my mom has. Repeatedly, over and over again, since I was in my teens. I'm not in a point in my life where I can tolerate emotional abuse any longer. I'm already going through enough pain with the prospect of losing my dad.

I couldn't see my therapist yesterday or today because she's on vacation for Labor Day. I'm not going to lie, it's been hard, but I've made a lot of difficult decisions and life changes since my dad was diagnosed. I'm looking forward to therapy on Tuesday.

I have finished Cassette Beasts.  All Archangels defeated, all beasts (except Magikrab, don’t have the patience) acquired.  I am calling that complete.  Thoughts below.

Stuff I liked

I kind of appreciate how the starting beasts have split evolutions.  I think an issue Pokemon often runs into is my sense of “I can’t abandon my first child,” but then it there’s another thing in that type I want to use I can’t.  Having alternate options helps.

I actually like the idea of everything being one singular type.  I think it simplifies things a lot.

I love how the game plays with strategy.  Specifically stuff like:

Type Shields can cover for your weaknesses in absurd ways.  An Ice Shield put up for a Fire-type means any Water moves that are aimed at it instead boost its defenses.  The early Poison Crow thing can set Wind Shield, and not only negates its Fire weakness, but the shield gets stronger and lasts longer.

Glitter Type is really interesting.  Being able to apply a new type that overrides the former, and then shifting the opponent’s type to the next attack type that lands, is an interesting gimmick I wish I’d played with more.

Strategies like stall just kinda...work consistently.  There was very little that couldn’t be addressed by Leech/Poison Spore.  I love that.  I love stall strats.  And I think the biggest thing is that they’re just accurate.  They don’t miss arbitrarily.

Neutral commentary

Boss battles are fine. Until I really got into the Stall Swing, many of the Archangel fights were frustrating, because they’re immune to debuffs, which feels like an incredibly stupid thing to do.  I don’t like when games just turn off mechanics and call it a challenge.  You can do better.

Beast designs range from pretty neat to kinda meh.  There were none that stand out to be as strong favorites, but none that stood out as things I couldn’t stand.  They all work out.

Any arguments to be made about the type chart being better than Pokemon’s is asinine.  It’s just as imbalanced, if not worse in some ways.  Poison feels like Gen 1 Psychic type; only one weakness (Fire) that is easily negated or turned into an advantage.  Earth is just Pokemon’s Ice, it’s so hilariously bad defensively.

I don’t really know what the point of Glass type is.  One thing has it.  It doesn’t seem good, like...at all.

Some mechanics just don’t get added until late.  When I finally encountered Glitter Bomb as a sticker, I was already established with my Stall comp.  There are just certain angles that feel like they aren’t even available until you stumble on the right sticker, which can be ages.

Archangels, conceptually, are...fine.  I’m on board with things made manifest by the imagination of humans.  But also I don’t feel like many of them exude much in the way of personality.

This is the same general feeling I have toward the human characters.  Absolutely no one stands out.  I reference my girl Kayleigh a lot, but that’s frankly more to do with Decibelle than her.

Stuff I don’t like

Look, the only thing I actively hated is that the Switch port is constantly crashing. They get that patched, this is the kind of game I will probably replay some day.  But as it stands, the game is borderline unplayable on console, with some quests being so routine in their crashing that you have to be really stubborn to find solutions.

I think 2v2 mechanics don’t necessarily work out all the time.  While there are interesting things you can do with it, the main suffering is random encounters taking forever.  Early game, running into the Poison Crow is a nightmare.  I don’t have a ton of wood to constantly rest, it’s gonna Poison me, and if I try to hit its Fire weakness, its literal only weakness, there’s a good chance it’ll Wind Shield, and I’ll make this entire situation way worse.  It turns every encounter into a real hassle and a significant threat, which isn’t really to the game’s benefit.  Especially not when stall strats crack the Archangels like a particularly flimsy eggshell, but random encounters can still threaten the hell out of you.  It feels very backwards.

AP Systems are not my favorite.  So much of this game can feel like just waiting for your AP to generate.  The entire reason I latched on to Decibelle so strongly was because Echolocation auto-activating into AP Boost that applied to both allies sped up access to stronger moves.  On fusion, this is the difference between getting a lot of the really good attacks, and being 1AP short, and the double application means you get twice the duration, which is always enough to finish the match.

Fusion, as a mechanic, feels irrelevant by endgame.  Early on, and even in mid-game, it’s the main solution to boss fights.  But again, stall strats.  You can easily figure out that Leech/Poison Spore will answer big single-target fights just fine, and that Decibelle’s Echolocation lets you pivot around AP boosting, Doc Leaf for further healing, and Shield to block major attacks.  The result of this is that Fusion winds up being an outright worse solution.  I can run the risk of my opponent out-DPSing me, or I can safely sit here and siphon HP without issue.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Stall Strats, but I do think Fusion as a mechanic starts to stop mattering.  Then again, maybe that’s a personal problem.

I think if there’s any major criticism of the game’s story and characters, it’s that they feel like they’re trying for something they’re not out to deliver on.  The game does a lot of pushing things like building community, and pushing back on injustice and such, but only as lip service.  The Landkeepers are an interesting antagonistic force that ultimately doesn’t amount to much more than a bunch of allusions to real world housing market bullshit.  Random trainer encounters will talk at length about modern issues, but it never goes anywhere.  I think the worst is one has like seven pre-battle dialogue boxes about different eras and worlds, like one has a major plague an one is undergoing major social upheaval, etc, and ends on “Wouldn’t it be so fucked if there were a world where all that was happening at once?”  YEAH, SURE WOULD THANKS.  Like, it’s commentary without really saying anything.  I’m sure there are concepts to be drawn and extrapolated on from playing, I know not everything has to be spelled out.  But this also isn’t Utena.  There’s not really anything being set up that can be dug in to.  It’s just alluding to stuff, alluding to the concept of a solution, but not really presenting anything novel or compelling.  Like, Kayleigh was part of a cult, helped run it, for people who first showed up in this strange world, couldn’t get home, and fell into despair.  Do we want to do anything with that?  No, just one quick comment on the general vibe and then we all go on like no one’s actually all that affected by its rise or its leader’s sudden death, leaving them directionless?  Okay.  It feels like the game, quite legitimately, would’ve been better without trying to push the social commentary stuff, and just sticking to the “Archangels are cool concepts” and more mundane human stuff.  Like, I actually liked Felix’s quest.  An artist embarrassed by his early work comes to appreciate where he started from and get over that notion of cringe?  Excellent, that’s doing something, that’s saying something.  Just do stuff like that.  Smaller moments are what the game did well.  Larger elements felt directionless.

In totality, it’s the kind of game I definitely wish I liked more than I did, but I chalk up a lot of the dislike to frustrations around the game crashing.  I think it’s overall pretty good!  As a gameplay experience, definitely worthwhile, pretty nice for only $20.  Just...don’t get it for Switch until the performance issues are patched.  Seriously.  It is constant.

Orangutan Kayan's Before the Move From Twycross Zoo A last look at the beautiful young Orangutan lady Kayan as Twycross seemed to get ready for her to leave. In this clip see her covering herself in wood wool, doing a roly-poly and sliding down the log. This is an extra video as the Orangutan youngster Kayan seems to be leaving Twycross Zoo pretty soon for another zoo in the UK. I will let everybody know which zoo when I hear anything, as they didn't want to say yesterday. It was announced In December that she would be leaving. This got delayed, but it looks like it won't be too long now. I've seen her yesterday (20th Feb 2023) and the press was there as well, which made me think the move is imminent. It was good to get another chance to film this beautiful girl. She enjoyed a bit of a sunny day, having fun in the hammock with the wood wool. Sitting there with the wool on her head, doing a roly-poly and just enjoying being silly. After her roly-poly, she's piling on some more wood wool on her head. Then she grabs the empty box and puts this on her head as well. She sits at the top of the pole and then slides down it. I love it when her long hair is blowing in the wind. She throws a stick and a piece of hose towards the press, probably wondering what is going on with all the attention she's getting. You might have recently seen the #shorts video clip of her showing her on the day she was born which was on the 16th of June 2017. I was fortunate to be there on the day she was born and mum Kibriah caressing her hand. Sadly in Sep 2021 her mum Kibriah (44) passed away after a long illness. She was such a character and always so protective of her little girl. Basuki, Kayan's half-brother always got a hard time from Kibriah as she saw him as a boy that just causes trouble. The truth was cheeky Kayan was more of a troublemaker, but always run to mum when she couldn't handle the situation anymore. She's a cheeky playful Orangutan and will be dearly missed. She also does remind me a lot of a young Sprout, the Oragutan from Dudley Zoo. Hopefully, I will be able to get the chance to see her again in her new home. #sloggervlogger #OrangutanKayan #orangutans Don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell for more! You can see all the videos of her over the years in this playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXC1aShJSBiUj3g8I3sF6RTN2e8L_pOI6 #sloggervlogger #Orangutans #babyorangutan Don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell for more! My merch shop links with worldwide delivery: Biggest collection of T-shirts, stickers, apparel, homeware and much more rawshutterbug Redbubble https://ift.tt/l8btE0T #AD #redbubbleambassador Customizable T-shirts, stickers, apparel, homeware and much more rawshutterbug Zazzle: Orangutans https://ift.tt/G8meV64 Amazon USA Store https://ift.tt/FbDajwd #Ad #AmazonAssociate rawshutterbug photo4me: Quality wall art @ http://bit.ly/rawshutterbugPhoto4Me Some links above and in the video are affiliate links, meaning I earn a commission on final purchases with zero additional cost to you. Thank you for your visit and for supporting this channel. SloggerVlogger

Bear with me here:

I recently wrote this long screed in response to the insane situation that just happened in Walled Lake, MI a few days ago involving a QNut killing his wife and attempting to kill his daughter. The more I look back at QAnon, I’m reminded of things I went through years before the Fuckin’ Matrix film ever came out. Yet, not long ago, some guy takes his kids to Mexico to speargun them to death and admitted he “felt like Neo from the Matrix”. So, I feel like what I went through was mere prototype for shit like this, and I thank God every day that I was never exposed to the batshit nonsense some susceptible souls are now being exposed to today in a cordoned off world of high-speed media saturation that increases the chances of being “tweaked” phenomenally and also being manipulated.

This ramble will make little sense to anyone.....and where I first posted it is just mere preaching to the birds....at least here it serves as type of time capsule that I hope I can look back upon and see a bigger portion of a puzzling dilemma and how ugly things are being devised in the background.....so, against all feelings warning me to the contrary (and I learned life is a lot like that-where doing the right and constructive thing will NEVER FEEL RIGHT at the time....but you just know ever so slightly that it is the thing that needs to be done) I exhibit my previously posted rant:

(this follows a link to the aforementioned atrocity in Walled Lake) -This happened here in Michigan. Walled Lake man loses his head over the 2020 election, went into a spiral, and got worse. He kills his wife and dog and injures his one daughter, only to get killed by cops in a shoot-out. This is what genuine atrocity looks like. The surviving (other) daughter wrote a confirmed condemnation on a Reddit sub putting a spotlight on casualties of Qanon.

Remember that time a group of crazed people with weapons stormed the Capitol screaming to hang the vice President, harming guards, and trampling old women with "Don't tread on me" flags because Gore lost? Yeah, Me neither.

Remember when crackhead industrialists sunk thousands of dollars into fake conspiracy films until their last operation was closed in a mall in Minnesota because John Kerry lost? Yeah, me neither.

Making a cult of Trump is batshit insane seeing as noone (I mean NOONE) liked the guy in the 80s and 90s-Blooom County, Spy, Mag Magazine, SNL, Tim Burton, Joe Dante, the creators of Back to the Future-all beloved institutions of culture-all mocked and parodied him for what he was: a crooked, selfish, spoiled, loudmouth cheat of a person raised by the likes of Roger Stone and Roy Cohn. A person void of the essential humility to be seen redeemable in God's eyes.....and yet, people fly flags (FLAGS!! -this never happened prior to this nuttiness) in their front yards as a testimony of some dumb figurehead who represents to them the ugly aspect of never having to ever admit fault and never working towards elf-improvement.

Almost every Republican accusation has been a secret confession.....all projection and deflection from themselves. Just the same artificially culture-less 15-25 trolls here on NT reblogging terse one-way rude bumper sticker-like memes with no sources or evidence to their misinformative claims.

Yet, with Q culture we've had: nutjobs shooting up pizzerias, screeching freaks busting in on late night Christmas masses in Philly, blockheads obstructing traffic on the Hoover Dam, crazies starting forest fires in Cali, z-grade nobody drug-addled, woman abusing actors throwing themselves off bridges for "letting the movement down", the online wack-a-doos who insists Fauci should be executed only to die from their own negligent attitude about COVID, schmucks threatening platforms like YouTube, dipshits driving trains into boats, loons detonating themselves in RVs in Nashville, sickos driving their small kids to Mexico only to slay them with a speargun, online fuck-ups killing their "reptilian" brothers, and so much more....yeah, you will know them for their fruits.

They screeched about "threats" (because their cult was based around threat, fear, and unfounded righteous indignation, but not a lick of contrasting ambition or sense of virtue to their value system), but they became the very threat.

Maybe it's certain websites or doctor's meds, or government dope issued, or certain video games that glorify armed service-or maybe it's the water....and I don't doubt something happened to instigate an " existential crisis" in them (complete with odd coincidences, bad dreams, EDIT-solipsism that is either self-fostered or induced-complete with disassociation and internalization, vast susceptibility to dumb, ugly things like Trump, etc.)-the kind of things the Church of the Subgenius warned can be exploited by everything from Pentecostals, the C.I.A. handlers, Scientology, or any artificial "redpill/Matrix" cult, because they are now in a new realm of predatory reality that requires them to realize how even the phenomenal elements can be misleading.....

......but what really gets me is that almost every one one of these dupes are people who never took a risk and read an actual book about "conspiracy" (So much for "seeks and ye will find".). Those versed in it know history (Hi! ever bother to read the People's Almanac?) is steeped in the evil shit going back to Karen Silkwood, Fred Hampton, guys like Beckwith and Calley getting off scot-free, or back when King James would slow-poison someone threatening to out him. It also means developing a sense of critical thinking and comparative thinking that requires one to squint their mind to question the sources of BS out there....I mean, we all love escapism, but if you can't entertain the notion that maybe (just MAYBE) the whole UFO flap of the 20th century was an artificial means to keep on the backburner to control people down the road (along with dispensational dominionism....or even a "Virtual Reality/Redpill" theory), then you are going to get roped in by crap by guys like Von Daniken or antisemitic POSs like David Icke (whom the Forteans used to dis on major). These dupes were never motivated into looking into conspiracies in their cushy, sheltered, privileged lives, because they were never prodded by injustice like most marginalized people who know all too well how viscous, deceitful, and predatory this world can truly be.....but God forbid a black man becomes President....suddenly their little world turns upside down, and they lose their ungodly little minds, and God punishes them by letting them get deluded by the BIG LIE as so many for hundreds of years before them did-----all because they harbored delusions of grandeur by misassuming they had the inside track on things no one else can perceive......and they were easy prey for shadowy jerks who convinced them that "the REAL truth is buried" in doofy tabloids and that the button to exit their "artificial reality" was hidden by a repugnant clown of a wealthy jerk.

.....yeah, it's not too late to start looking into how things like blood-sugar affects a person, or how B-vitamains helped a guy like Robert Crumb shake off some of the bad lingering effects of psychedelics.

I made a list back in 2018-that has since grown-for a Reddit post listing all the times-with heavy Trumper/libertarian/militia/white supremacists/GOPer overlap-someone comes out as a threat or commits (mass) murder. For every leftist killer you better believe there is about 20 right-wingers who are the truly big threat. A majority folks have seen it and don't deny it-why do you think the election results came out as they did in 2020?.....yet, if some fringe site wants to be led along by the same sociopathic trolls who wanna ignore all the plague-spreading, senseless and racist killings and actual child trafficking coming from their camp, then you better hope nobody in authority on the outside takes notice in shutting things down the way things clamped down in internetland back on January 6th (and should've a lot sooner).

Yeah, a real boner-killer for this site, but as long as the same bullshitters are on here making Trump a cult figure like Q, and I'm seeing bloody psycho-killing happen too close to home, you better believe I'm gonna whole-heartedly agree with the orphaned daughter who wishes that the FBI should crush and scatter Q culture into nothingness.

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