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incorrect-primarchs-quotes · 2 days

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Lorgar: What if the person who named the Walkie Talkies named everything?

Perturabo: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Fulgrim: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Mortarion: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Konrad: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Alpharius: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Emperor: I hate you guys so much.

#warhammer #warhammer 40k #warhammer 30k #incorrect quotes #primarch #fulgrim #konrad curze #lorgar aurelian #perturabo #mortarion #alpharius omegon #god emperor #emperor of mankind #warhammer meme

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nevesmose · 1 month

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✨️ TRAITOR PRIMARCHS x SCOTTISHPEOPLETWITTER ✨️

Loyalists + Bonus

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neonjawbone · 10 months

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HERETICS 💀💀💀 warhammer 40k has me in it's fucking clutches dude. a little lineup of my interpretation of the traitor primarchs as a thing i've been chippin away at between work stuff

twitter//patreon//pillowfort //ko-fi

#horus heresy #warhammer 40k #wh40k #horus lupercal #mortarion #perturabo #magnus the red #fulgrim #angron #konrad curze #lorgar aurelian #alpharius omegon #primarchs #traitor primarchs #fanart

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relax-and-read-on · 4 months

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I have not made made a generic hc post about the primarch in a LONG time. I miss it, and it's good for the warhammer tumblr ecosystem. So, without further waiting....

Primarch, and the absolutely shitty gifts they give each others for a White Elephants gift exchange

Roboute: A classic coffee mug (primarch sized!) Filled with sweets and a indestructible fancy fountain pen. The mug say "World Most Okay Dad" on it, and he joke that it apply to them all.

Lion: a stuffed bird. The number of eyes on it is vaguely unnerving. It's unclear wich way is the head suppose to go, and all agree that it's probably an awful mutant bird. Lion is too proud to admit that it's just a really shotty taxidermy he made himself.

Alpharius Omegon: They give a series of mysterious CD in blank case, wich is a very rare and hard to read format on most ship! It's the entire series of MLP:FiM, famous lost media in the 30th millenium.

Rogal: A thick, sturdy, and perfectly elegant multi bit screwdriver, with extra standard bits put in the handle. Give a proud presentation on it, explaining it's superior design and all it's ergonomic features. It's 45 min long.

Perturabo: it's a coupon that say "one (1) construction from me and my legion, free of complaining. Valid until the 31th millenium." It's the most popular gift of the night.

Corvus: slipper and kigurumi, all crow themed. They are *adorable*. Sadly, the size is a bit tight and vaguely indecent on the more muscular primarch.

Lorgar: a traditional colchian tea set, with hand dried craft teas! The set is beautiful, and the teas prove to be only mildly hallucinogenic.

Konrad: A very, VERY pretty embroidered set of throw pillow! They have delicate pattern of flower and nature imagery... And are made with human hair. Konrad is very proud of himself, and even more of the absolute bloody screaming his gift create when he explain it.

Sanguinius: put out by Konrad's gift, but he also made a pillow, but this one filled with his own feathers. Has surprising property against nightmare.

Vulkan: He was actually sweet, and brought homemade hot sauce, his mother's recipe! The problem is that the stuff is so strong, it's considered a dangerous chemical in most of the galaxy. Can be used as jet fuel.

Horus: Edible sexy underwear. Insist that whoever gets it has to wear it, and jokingly say that, if they are too shy, he can do a demonstration himself.

Mortarion: a succulent growing kit. Even his most dumbasses of brother should be able to keep a succulent alive, right? Doesn't mention that it's an highly invasive species that will colonise the entire ship of his poor victime.

Jaghatai: a foal. Yes, he carry a whole ass live animal to the gift exchange, and keep insisting that it's an appropriate gift. The horse is chewing on Magnus' hair.

Leman: Mad that he didn't think of bringing a puppy, but he has the most amazing looking collection of smoked salmon, caviar and preserved fish to offer.

Magnus: his patience is wearing thin, but he still offer a perfectly beautiful robe, that act as an honest to good mood ring and change color depending on the person's aura.

Fulgrim: A painting of himself! Wich is actually a joke, it's just a thin and hand painted decorative paper covering the true gift: a painting of all their family, together. Get called a try hard.

Ferrus: a collection of very pretty crystals and fossils! Wich he arranged in a chocolate box, and explain that those are his favorite flavors.

Angron: A punching bag that even *he* find durable. He made sure of it, by thoroughly testing it before giving it out, wich explain it's used appearance.

I know exactly who gets what..... Yall want to know in a part 2 ;)?

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yestheantichrist · 5 months

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THE WOKE TRAITORS!!!

WHOREus Lupercal

Per#METOOrabo

FAGnus the red

Konrad COMMUNISM

Fulgrim

LIBERALgar Aurelian

ANGER-MANAGMENTron

MorTRANSion

AlFEMINIST & OmeGAY

#I’m sorry #wh40k #warhammer #warhammer 40000 #warhammer memes #primarchs #the horus heresy #horus lupercal #perturabo #magnus the red #konrad curze #fulgrim #lorgar aurelian #angron #mortarion #alpharius omegon #f slur

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lore-pls · 1 year

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A complete guide to the Primarchs. With help from @fourgods-nobrakes. <3

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valiant--art · 1 year

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#warhammer 40k #lion el'jonson #leman russ #corvus corax #mortarion #roboute guilliman #fulgrim #lorgar aurelian #magnus the red #horus #rogal dorn #sanguinius #alpharius omegon #text post meme #would you fuck a clone of yourself

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cursed-40k-thoughts · 10 days

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I misread an earlier question someone sent in (where they were asking about 'melee combat') and had a mental image of them engaging in a Smash Bros Melee tourney. If that were to happen, who do you think would win? Up to you if this is pre-Heresy or post-Heresy. Bonus points if you sort out which characters everyone would pick.

Perturabo would tie for first. He’d hear there was a tourney, scowl thoughtfully, then fuck off for a week and come back having utterly mastered Sheik AND Kazuya.

His nemesis? Alpharius and Omegon, who have completely figured out the Ice Climbers’ desync strats.

Highlight of the entire tournament is Fulgrim (of course on Sephiroth) getting the shit beaten out of him by Angron and Konrad taking turns with Dedede. Konrad isn’t even in the tournament. He’s stashed energy drinks behind the couch and is drinking them (also behind the couch) but popped up to help, because he thought it was funny.

Sanguinius is generally wrecking face on Shulk, but even he has to pause to admire the utterly bewildering level of high-end bullshit that Perturabo and the Twins are slinging at each other.

#ask #warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #primarch #primarchs #warhammer 30k #Sanguinius #Perturabo #Konrad Curze #Alpharius #Fulgrim #Alpharius Omegon #Super Smash Bros #Angron

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lmadsadness · 2 months

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The Emperor gave me permission to draw big buff men in dresses

Big buff men in dresses explodes

#warhammer 40k #warhammer 30k #wh40k #primarch #primarchs #vulkan #alpharius omegon #konrad curze #roboute guilliman #leman russ #sanguinius #insert heart eye emoji #i like men and women and other genders because they are cool as fuck 💥💥💥💥#primarchs in dresses because i can #and im too lazy to draw space marines in dresses #wh30k #explodes myself

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tragedybunny · 9 months

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Family Dinner

In Which the Emperor of Mankind just wanted a nice family dinner...

The Emperor just really wanted a family dinner with all his sons. As they were arranged around the table, the Emperor was speaking to Dorn about a new advancement in a weapon. “It will be a whole new meaning for the Power Fist.”

Down the table, Fulgrim laughed. Beside him, while trying not to laugh himself, Ferrus shushed him. That only caused Fulgrim to snip at him.

Not to be outdone about being crude, Leman laughed as well, louder. Magnus used this opportunity to call Leman an uncouth lout. They both stood up and started yelling across the table.

Perturabo began insisting to Horus that if it had been him the Emperor was talking to no one would’ve dared laugh. But no, it’s always Dorn. Horus began to feel his eye twitch.

Sensing a rising tide of discontent, Guilliman rose from his seat and tried to restore order among his brothers.

Crawling under the table, Lorgar tried to convince Konrad to bite Guilliman’s ankles for the pompous show of being so diplomatic. Konrad started to look entertained by the idea, but Lorgar suddenly realized Alpharius was under the table with them and withdrew his request.

Fulgrim and Ferrus’s argument had gotten exponentially louder. Sanguinius was now attempting to intervene and get them to talk it out

The Khan sighed wearily to Vulkan beside him, they both resolved to stay out of this one.

The entire table was now forced to pretend they didn’t know Fulgrim and Ferrus were dating as the shouting was extremely personal and Fulgrim was looking like his pout was going to turn into sobbing.

As soon as Angron stood up, looking like he was going to try his hand at silencing his brothers, he was tackled by the Lion who had assumed violence was imminent.

Mortarion glanced around and slid under the table. Even Konrad had to be better company than this.

Fulgrim and Ferrus were now to the “making up” stage of the argument, which, while still hugely uncomfortable for everyone else, was at least quieter.

All at once they all realized no one had seen Corvus at all during any of this.

The Emperor decided to just start drinking straight from the bottle.

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ezekiel13 · 25 days

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VERY IMPORTANT PRIMARCH CAT LIST:

Lion -> fluffy necked Persian brown cat (the rare pure brown ones)

Fulgrim-> Rag doll!!!

Perturabo-> Russian blue

Jaghatai-> Pallas cat

Rogal-> brown tabby

Leman-> Fluffy grey cat who thinks he’s a dog

Konrad-> Smokey black cat (the ones who when you stroke them they have grey under the black)

Ferrus-> white cat with grey front paws

Angron-> Sand cat but redder than most

Roboute-> Tuxedo

Mortarion-> random stray cat. Is a calico though

Magnus-> red Maine coone

Horus -> Devon Rex

Lorgar-> Spyhnx

Vulkan-> black Maine coone

Corvus-> black footed cat (the breed)

Alpharius Omegon-> two identical black cats. They have two different colour collars but manage to switch them often

Bonus:

Emperor-> Lion

Malcador-> Leopard

Custodes-> Hyenas (not cats but like. They work for a lion in the lion king)

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incorrect-primarchs-quotes · 4 months

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Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄

#The last one is self-insert because the Spaghetti Heresy is still going and I refuse to lpose #warhammer #warhammer 40k #warhammer 30k #incorrect quotes #Primarch #Textpost #Horus lupercal #Fulgrim #Angron #Konrad curze #Fabius bile #Jaghatai khan #Alpharius #Alpharius Omegon #Warhammer meme

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chillinglikeavillain · 4 months

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POV: You're fighting the Alpha Legion.

I rise again from the depths to make another shitty meme.

Now I return below.

#wh40k #warhammer 40k #warhammer #alpha legion #alpharius omegon #alpharius my beloved #primarch shenanigans

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ode-on-a-grecian-butt · 1 year

Photo

art by @theamazingspino

#Kill La Kill #Warhammer 40k #Alpha Legion #hydra dominatus #alpharius omegon

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relax-and-read-on · 2 years

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What your favorite primarch say about you:

Lion: You are either a cis straight man on reddit, or you have access to books that I don't. Who are you. I fear you.

Leman: You will HOTLY defend that mess of a man. It usually descend into "yes but he's cool/hot >:("

Angron: You have a ACAB sticker on your old beat up car. You have knowledge beyond mere mortals. I trust you when the revolution come.

Lorgar: Heeey how is that religious trauma going? Think he was 100% right in fucking off to chaos.

Roboute: This is either your first day here, or you have circled all the way back, and reached enlightenment. You are either 12 or trying to pay your mortage.

Rogal: Neurodivergent friend!! Ok so I know it's annoying if the minis are not perfectly align pre-game, but you have to let it go, I worry about your blood pressure.

Konrad: He would kill you and you would thank him. You desperately want to pat his head. No preservation instinct found. Are you empty nesting?

Sanguinius: Soooo tell me about your toxic ex/parent! How are those repressed feelings going?

Horus: This is no ones favorite, you are just lying, or horny for Abaddon.

Ferrus: This is an actual CHOICE a fucking COMMITMENT. I respect you. Cannon has no hold on you. You are more free than all of us.

Fulgrim: You are part of the alphabet mafia, or in the closet. You WILL argue that slaanesh is not just sex drugs and rock and roll, ehile deeply identifying with those aspects.

Jaghatai: You might be kind of a hipster. Like sure, his novel was good, but are you *trying* to go for the obscure one?

Corvus: You are BITTER that your inner goth kid is not more marketed toward. You want more extra angst in you grimdark.

Alpharius Omegon: You are trolling. Or you picked them because you appreciate a good troll. I do not trust you.

Vulkan: You are the mom friend, and so, so fucking tired. You are this close to snapping if someone mention one more burnt child eldar meme.

Mortarion: You will RAGE and WAIL that Morty had it the WORST and he's MISUNDERSTOOD. You also desperately want a nurgling plushie.

Perturabo: Half of you want to fix him. The other want to make him worst. All of you are inexplicably horny for him.

Magnus: You either came here from TTS, Vezimira related content, or for rippling, hot red abs. All of you are nerds. And horny for him.

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skrankku · 2 years

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Rare ancient footage of a Traitor Beach Party:

#warhammer #primarch #lots of names ahead #horus lupercal #perturabo #konrad curze #angron #magnus the red #lorgar aurelian #fulgrim #alpharius omegon #mortarion

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