#all the things ive liked over the years that were destroyed for me by bad or weird writing decisions... clutches onto twdg like a lifeboat
Note
K follow me Astarion just sees tav like loving on children wherever they go and hes like?????
And tavs like ive always wanted my own child but i didn't wabt to ask you with every
This sends poor starion into a crisis does he was children how many
I think I have followed you. Let's see!
So for this one we got a lil time jump, ambiguous and vague setting and timelines with game spoilers present. M/F pairing because that is my go to and pregnancy is mentioned. Vampiric pregnancy also so there is some weirdness there (i made it up no idea if it's dnd accurate). Vague Tav backstory of a wonderful mother and going off to become a cleric.
~
Astarion was well used to your antics by this point. You had a severe lack of instincts linked to self-preservation, which led to a consistent pattern of doing, frankly, stupid shit. Stupid, but kind. Nothing that Astarion hadn't adapted to, after nearly two years of being attached at the hip you became pretty attuned to your lover's personality.
He could even go as far as to say that he had grown to love your annoying predilection for pious morality. Perhaps he loved talking you out of certain virtuous dangers more, but still. He appreciated who you were, he adored who you were. But Astarion was no saint, despite his insistence on attaching himself to one.
Which is exactly why he was far from amused when you signed him up to babysit a couple of brats. All for acquittances he barely cared about.
But you at least had the good grace to look guilty, "I didn't mean to! But she looked so tired and she said their anniversary was coming up and it's not like we got anything for their wedding-"
That was a nice try, one that Astarion wasn't falling for, "We didn't know of their existence when they got married darling. Just because I can't remember their names doesn't mean you can trick me."
"I'm not trying to trick you!" You whined, arms crossed as you pouted. It sure felt like a trick, especially when Astarion knew that you were well-aware how easily he fell for your sulking. Adorable little monster that you were, "It's only three kids and a baby for one night, it won't be that bad! You don't even have to help-"
Astarion rolled his eyes as he sat next to you on the bed, "I didn't say I wouldn't help."
That seemed to do the trick to get the pout off of your face. You perked up immediately, looking at him like you couldn't quite believe it, "Really?"
"Yes, really," Astarion sighed as you tugged you closer. Sure he liked to bitch, but he really would do anything for you. Even extremely annoying things like this, "I'm not going to sit back and feed you to the wolves."
"They're not wolves! The oldest is barely five," You laughed as you let him manhandle you, settling you into his lap, "And I am sorry, I really wasn't thinking. I promise it won't happen again."
Astarion doubted that, not when he was well-versed of your weak spot for children. No matter where you went you couldn't help but fawn over them, not to mention the insane lengths you would go to keep any child safe. It was a complete and utter blind spot, your kindness extending to them all, even the little scam artists and hellions.
It was sweet, if not extremely worrying at first. Astarion had been terrified of you finding out his past. The things that he had been forced to do, the innocents whose lives he had destroyed. But not only did you find out, you were forced to see it. Both of you were, and it had been worse than anything Astarion could have imagined. He had always found a slight comfort knowing that those he captured would at least die quickly, that at the very least they wouldn't suffer the same agonizing fate as he, just an agonizing death. But no, even that small comfort had been a lie. The horror of finding them all down there has yet to be matched. He had never felt more self-loathing, more pure disgust than the moment he had found those children, tortured and pale, all because of him.
How you didn't see him for the wretched thing he was after all that, Astarion wasn't sure. But he was grateful. You were too good for him. A fact that he was devastatingly aware of, but that wasn't going to stop him from keeping you.
He still thinks about it on occasion, despite the fact that he had done all he could to right his wrongs. They all at least had a chance now to have a life worth living, Astarion could only hope that it would be used. Their future was out of his hands now, a small comfort.
But despite his complicated feelings towards children, he was more than capable of handling them for one evening. And in all honesty, he truly didn't have to do much. He was on self-mandated baby duty, because of course you had to help out the infant that would scream bloody murder unless it was being held. Keeping her tucked against him was a move of self-preservation, if he ever wanted to retain his hearing.
Most of the night was spent amused as he watched you entertain a gaggle of toddlers. You were so... creative with the ways you could defuse their antics. It came to you so naturally, nearly like you were a born mother yourself. It wasn't exactly surprising that you were fantastic with children, he had seen it time and time again. Arabella, Mol, Yenna, all of which still wrote you letters, visited occasionally. Staying forever attached, even from a distance.
Now that Astarion thought about it, it was odd that you weren't a mother. Odder still that you hadn't never even brought up the possibility of having children together. You were usually so open with your wants and always encouraging the same from him. Just one more thing he loved about you. But... why hadn't it been mentioned? Astarion had always assumed it was because you didn't truly want any of your own, that you enjoyed their fun innocence while avoiding the more laborious responsibility of raising them.
Though watching you take care of them all, changing diapers and negotiating silly arguments with a soft smile of your face had him rethinking his assumption.
"You're good with them," Astarion said eventually after you had successfully set the older three down for the night, the baby still stubbornly clinging to him, "I don't think there's a child we've met that doesn't adore you."
You laughed quietly, walking over to kiss him softly on the cheek. Your eyes wandered to the sleeping infant in his arms, still holding a piece of his shirt in it's little fist, "You don't seem to be too bad with them either."
"Newborns don't know any better," Astarion dismissed as he tried to put her down in their borrowed crib. Tried and failed, considering how the thing immediately started to whine the second he attempted to pry it's little hand away.
Oh for fuck's sake. Astarion wasn't even going to try and argue. Instead he unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall into the crib with her, seemingly doing the trick of stopping her from waking completely.
When he turned back you were staring at him with soft eyes, looking lovestruck at the simple act of him laying a child down, "Looks like she has pretty good taste to me."
"I don't think your judgment should be trusted," Astarion huffed as he walked over to you, grabbing your hand to drag you to the bedroom. He glanced back at you, his heart nearly skipping a beat from the sweet way you kept looking at him. It had his mind wandering again, those questions still nagging him.
Questions that he didn't have the courage to ask until dead of night, when he had you half asleep against his bare chest, "Have you ever thought of having children?"
He hadn't meant to blurt that out in the middle of the night, but Astarion apparently had a knack for starting important conversations at inconvenient times. Not that you minded.
You just cuddled into him closer, nodding against him with a sigh, "I've always wanted my own children. My own mother, Gods bless her soul, made it all sound so magical. Pregnancy, the early years, puberty, all of it. She loved it all. And I guess it rubbed off on me. It used to be all I could think about, before real life got in the way."
Astarion listened, a little annoyed at himself for not putting the pieces together sooner. You had talked so lovingly about your late parents, how you always wanted to be like your mother. Of course you would want children. How had he not connected the dots?
"But then I went off to the temple," You continued, "I completed my training, went off into the world to do good, blah, blah, blah. You know the story."
"So you grew out of the idea?" Astarion asked.
"Not exactly," You admitted, sounding a little guilty, "But I would never ask that of you love, it's not something you have to worry about."
That-what?
Astarion stared down at you, brow furrowed, "What do you mean?"
"I mean I know that the topic of children is... difficult for you. Considering everything you've been through-"
"I think you mean to say everything I've inflicted on others," Astarion interrupted, unwilling to allow himself grace. Especially when it came to the children of the Gur, "It was much worse for them than me."
You nodded, knowing better than to try and fight him on that particular topic, "I understand, but my point is that I can live without them. You're all I need."
It was comforting to hear, an immediate balm to a brand new set of insecurities that Astarion hadn't been prepared for. But even so... he hated the idea of you sacrificing even more for him. It felt wrong, "But-"
"But nothing," You interrupted softly, setting a quick kiss to his mouth, I'm serious Astarion, you don't need to worry. I'm happy, I love you, and everything is fine."
"I love you too," Astarion murmured, at a loss to say anything else. But the conversation didn't end there.
Astarion couldn't stop thinking about it, even long after the temporary children were sent back home. ou seemed so... sure that he didn't want children, and a week ago he probably would have agreed. But that was back before he knew that he was actively keeping you away from something you wanted. Something you had dreamed about since you were a child. And it felt wrong to be the reason for that, so, so wrong.
He didn't even know if his true feelings on the matter were real. He didn't want children for many of the same reasons he never wanted a partner. The attachment to another was dangerous, he was beyond unequipped to deal with others, let alone care for them, and the entire ideology behind love was ripe for manipulation and heart break. But then he met you and everything changed. Suddenly, caring for another didn't feel like a weakness, it felt like the strongest aspect of his entire self. Taking care of you wasn't an unwanted duty, it was intimacy. Something that he now craved. If all of those steadfast ideals could fall apart simply through meeting you, whose to say he could even trust himself when it came the thoughts around having a child?
Would having one truly be so bad? A little piece of the two of you, alive in the world? And perhaps children were annoying but... Astarion would be lying if he said he didn't have a soft spot for them. He had kept his distance before, but now he was fully confident that he wasn't a danger, no with Cazador burned to nothing bus ash and his own bloodlust well controlled. And it's not as if he was incapable of being a father, worse men than him did it everyday.
It was a confusing place to be, this tightwire of indecisiveness. Confusing enough for him to start a bit of research. He was vaguely aware that it was possible for his kind to breed, but finding out the details was disheartening, to say the least. First he had to parse out the different horror stories of babes eating their way out of their mother's wombs with actual facts, which wasn't exactly pleasant. But the truth was that it was more than possible for the two of you to have child together. It had the potential to either be as noneventful as any pregnancy, with the cavate that the babe coming out looking slightly... dead wouldn't be a permanent state of being. Or it could be as risky as carrying a child could be, with pains and complications galore, even legitimate worries of internal bleeding from the wretched thing prematurely growing claws. Not to mention the occasional, intense blood lust that could occur, an experience that Astarion would prefer you didn't have to go to.
Looking into the reality of the choice didn't help as much as he had assumed it would. If anything it just made the whole situation more real. Even if he wasn't a vampiric spawn, childbirth was risky. Maybe not as risky for you considering how Astarion would move the heavens and hells to get you the best care possible, but still. The thought of you passing, leaving him alone with the child you wanted and would never see, would destroy him. Completely and utterly.
But then again... there was the magical alternative of everything working out just fine. The two of you were both beyond lucky in that regard, considering how you'd overcome mind flayer parasites and fought and won against a near god. It was more than possible that everything would be fine, that you would have a beautiful pregnancy that would end in an even more amazing child. Then two would become three, a family of his very own.
That... didn't sound too bad. Astarion was torn. On one hand, he was almost certain that he was willing to go through with it. Not just because he loved you and wanted you to be happy, though it was the main reason. But also because... he could be a part in making something good. A child that would never suffer the way he did, the way countless others had. One who would be loved, who would have the help they needed for their inevitable unholy hungers. Someone precious for the two of you to fret over, to adore and care for. He... wanted that. Or at least he would if you still did. Now if he could just figure out how to bring it up, maybe something could actually happen.
But luckily enough for him, you did the job for him. He had been pouring over another book dedicated to recording the births of Dhampirs in the area, only to be distracted by you loudly sighing behind him.
"What's wrong love?" Astarion asked, his eyes still scanning the page in front of him.
"Oh I don't know," You sighed, rounding the corner to sit on the edge of his desk, "I just can't help but wonder when you're going to explain why you've suddenly become obsessed with parenting books. And..."
You trailed off, ignoring his surprised expression to read the cover of what was in front of him, "'Vampiric and Mortal Love & The Spawn They Create'. It's not exactly your usual reading material."
Part of Astarion wanted to be surprised that you had already figured him out. He had at least been trying to hide things from you slightly, not that it mattered when you could read him like a book. And he supposed that blatantly reading things like this in front of you would eventually have an effect, even if he tried to obscure the titles.
But that didn't stop him from stuttering through a response, "Well-I, okay. I've just been thinking about options lately. Which you can't really do if you don't understand what they are. Hence the books."
You frowned at him, one leg crossed over the other, "Star, I already told you that you don't need to worry-"
"But I want to worry," Astarion interrupted, deciding that ripping the band-aid off would be the best course of action, "And if there is something I can be doing to make you happier than I should at least consider it."
"I'm not going to force you into this for that," You said softly, reaching out to twine his fingers against yours, "This isn't the kind of thing you do just for someone else."
Astarion was aware of that, there was an important truth to your words. But... "What if it wasn't just for you?"
You paused, your brow furrowed as you stared at him, "What do you mean?"
"I mean what if, and consider this purely hypothetical, what if I wanted one as well. What then?" It was as far from hypothetical as Astarion could get, but by the look on your face it didn't seemed like that needed to be clarified.
You swallowed, looking just shy of hopeful as you played with his hand, "I... well. I guess in that case we would have a lot to talk about."
That wasn't quite the answer he was looking for. He pressed on, "So if in theory, I did want one. Would... you still be interested in having one?"
With me?
He left that part unsaid as he waited for an answer, uncharacteristically nervous as you mulled it over. But you were smiling, bright and wide, giving his hand a little squeeze as you spoke, "I think that would be the only scenario where I would want it. If that's something you wanted."
"I think it is," Astarion answered honestly, done with being coy, "I don't know how, I... I'm not quite sure how I feel about you carrying something that could be dangerous. But... in general yes. I think I want this. I do want this. With you and only you. Whenever your ready."
The next part Astarion did see coming, his arms already open by the time you launched yourself at him. You straddled his lap, kissing every part of his face as you babbled, "We can wait! It doesn't need to be now but-I just-yes! Adoption, childbirth, I don't care. All I need is to have them with you. That's all I want."
"And that I can give," Astarion laughed, delighted at your reaction. He still had concerns, plenty of them in fact, but they were hard to consider when the woman he adored was so ecstatic.
He gripped your chin, chuckling at the whine you let out for him interrupting your onslaught of affection. You didn't have to wait long, not when he directed your mouth against his, kissing you deeply as a new wave of exciting, and slightly nauseating feelings worked through him.
He didn't know exactly what was going to happen in the future. He had no idea if he would be a good father, but he knew that he would try his damndest. He didn't know how the two of you would even procure a child, but he did no one thing.
With you by his side, it would work out. All of it, no matter how hard the road turned out to be. And that was all that mattered.
#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#baldur's gate 3#asks#you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands#spoilers#pregnancy mention#should i do a part 2 of this?#dhampir baby part two?#fun fact im actually so scared of pregnancy it sounds like hell to me#so pregnancy/child fics are very interesting to write#personally#i'm getting through these asks slowly but surely#nine more to go!
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✮ BLONDIE : PT 1
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader
↳ words - 2239
↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.
↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]
↳ song - blondie by current joys
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.
of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.
the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…
okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.
but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.
i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
nick 🫶
| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd
| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good
| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?
| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀
i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.
i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.
fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?
all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.
…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.
if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…
i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.
i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.
soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.
every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.
the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.
as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.
“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.
he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.
“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.
“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.
“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.
“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.
i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.
i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.
i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.
i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.
i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.
i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.
₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊
after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.
nick 🫶
| are you ignoring me?
| like did i do something or what?
| are you okay?
| can we just talk or hang out please?
| y/n?
| okay sorry actually, never mind
my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.
i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.
i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.
they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.
my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo smut#nicolas sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo x reader#sturniolo triplets x reader#sturniolo#𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆#sukiipjs#𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆
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GOOD OMENS S2E6 SPOILERS
CAN WE TALK ABOUT AZIRAPHALE’S REACTION TO THE KISS THOUGH. BC THAT WAS INSANE AZIRAPHALE LOOKED SO DISGUSTED BUT NOT DISGUSTED. BRO WAS LIKE “why would you admit the thing we’d been dancing around for millenia right now. why did you do this to me crowley. how could you possibly make me admit that ive been in love with you this whole time, when ive spent my entire life catering to the needs of heaven and dancing around my heart and how much i want to be with you, because you’re a demon and i’m an angel and we’re on opposite sides, when i was fascinated by you back when you were an angel, when you approached me in eden, and all the times we’d seen each other over the 6000 years we had on earth, meeting behind dark alleyways and at our rendezvous points knowing we could die for merely interacting with each other. when now, when we could go back to heaven, the “good guys” together, and we could see each other safely, you turn me away. when we could be together right now if you came and followed me to heaven. why would you do this crowley.”
and crowley’s like “i’ve loved you since the Beginning and you were the reason why i put up with all this heaven/hell bullshit, knowing that no matter what would happen it would always be me and you, a team, an us. and now you want to go back to the place that kicked me out for asking the right questions, the place that tried to destroy you when it was actually me disguised as you, the place that you are too good and too pure for with the people that treat you so much worse than you deserve. you want to give up your bookshop, the life we had together here, our dinners at the ritz, our meaningless conversations over the phone, the things that made this peaceful, fragile existence that i was so content in living in so worthwhile, because i loved you back then and i love you now and if gabriel and beelzebub could be together then i want to try being with you too. they proved that a relationship like ours was possible, and i want to spend eternity with you aziraphale. i want to so badlt. but you want to throw all that away for your “good guys”. because that’s all we are to you, when it boils down to it, isn’t it? i’m the demon and you’re the angel. the bad guys vs the good guys.”
so anyway i am ill
(plus the freaking. trembling and touching his lips from aziraphale like he couldnt believe that just happened. i hate this show)
#good omens spoilers#good omens 2#good omens season 2#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#im typing this while sleep deprived#oh god#im never recovering from this
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"Infiltration" and "Extraction" Review
Those two episodes were genuinely some of the most terrifying we've seen in the Star Wars. It burned the safety net for me because no one outside Rex, Gregor, and Wolffe are safe. They could start dropping the Batch like flies at any point honestly. Unlike Clone Wars, the Batch don't have plot armor so the show can end their tale by killing them all off. And unlike Rebels, there is no family-friendly rating so yes, this show can be as dark as it wants if it chooses the Rogue One option. We don't know if the Batch will make it. It honestly gave me Game of Thrones vibes (like early GoT when it was good).
Before we get into spoilers, both episodes did great job capturing the danger that everyone was in. The atmosphere was tense and the music did a great job enhancing that. This is why I say the safety net is gone. Our heroes are being closed in from all sides and it's anyone's game now.
Alright, spoiler time
The clone assassins are legitimately terrifying. They were clones that willingly chose the Empire and were subjected to who knows what in order to become what they are now. Worse, Hemlock tried to do it to Crosshair. It's so evident that Crosshair's trauma didn't end on Barton IV, the clone assassin program did something to him. The way he is so scared of the clone assassin when he sees him just hit my feels. I hope he lets his family in whenever he's ready to talk. He's hurting still and he needs all the support he can get. Also, let's add almost drowning again and more brainwashing to Crosshair's list of bad things because he really is the show's punching bag.
Also, Crossdad nation supremacy. I loved his banter with Omega and him constantly looking out for her. He's so naturally protective I can't. This man loves her so so much. It's also so cute when Omega was copying him with the toothpicks. First, she copied Hunter, then she copied Phee, now she copies Crosshair. Can our little ray of sunshine get any cuter?
The interactions with Howzer were also really great. It makes sense why he doesn't trust Cross because he did get hurt at Cross' hands. However, seeing Crosshair interact with Omega changes his perspective. The two begin to understand each other and even have a small conversation about loyalty. I'm glad that Crosshair was willing to open up to Howzer. He's a changed man and he is healing. Crosshair later pushes Howzer out of the way to protect him. It all came full circle at the end when Howzer saved Crosshair from being murdered by Clone X.
Cross aside, the stuff with Rex with phenomenal. It's so cool to see him working with Riyo and even Avi Singh as they try to pass info along. Riyo talking about systems coming together foreshadows the rebellion that starts to bloom over the next several years. Even though the year is 18 BBY, the seeds of rebellion have already been planted; now, they need time to grow. Rex's cause is genuinely so tragic because you know it's only going to come crashing down on him. I think that the end of show will feature the end of the clone rebellion in that it will be destroyed. Rex will be forced to go into hiding like we see in Rebels. Those who survive will do the same (but since we only see Gregor and Wolffe, the chances are limited). Speaking of Wolffe, omg my boy is back! I had a feeling he's with the Empire, but seeing him in his full wolf pack armor and his choice to spare Rex gives me hope. He's not fully gone. The chip is loosing its power over him. Sooner or later, Wolffe will join Rex and his fight against the Empire.
The episode title "Infiltration" was also really clever because it wasn't about the Batch at all, it was about the clone assassin. In any other season, or another show, these two episodes might've been about the heroes infiltrating and extracting some important information or person/object. But no, it's about Clone X infiltrating the heroes and then Echo extracting the heroes before it's too late. That's such a chilling idea. Now, we know the heroes are mostly safe, but it doesn't make it any less tense. The way Clone X slips in so quietly is creepy. We aren't ready to hear about what they did to those clones on Tantiss because if it produces results this efficient, then yikes. I do have a theory on Clone X, but I'll save that for later.
And I think Echo is 100% gonna die. It's so sweet he gave Omega the upgraded bow, but my man is gonna bite it soon.
Overall, these episodes were tense, dark, and truly sinister. The Batch can never truly hide anymore, not even on Pabu. The clone assassins will not stop until Omega is captured and the Batch is presumably dead. Whatever safety and peace Hunter thought they could have is now gone. Whatever happens next, the Batch are truly in for the fight of their lives.
#star wars#the bad batch#tbb crosshair#tbb hunter#tbb omega#tbb wrecker#tbb echo#tbb tech#captain rex#tbb howzer#clone trooper wolffe#clone assassin#we're officially in the endgame now guys#get ready for more feels
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𝐍𝐎. 𝟓 ❛ 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐚 ❜ | NAKAWE PALACE, DEC. 1990
❧ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 / 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭.
❛ Priscila’s career had taken her all over the world before she retired to Uspana. Here, she was just Prissy again—or, in the papers, Princess P. Mending her relationship with Beatriz had been uneven; it remained incomplete to this day. Reconnecting with her sister’s children, adults as they were, was itself in some cases painstaking and in others a pleasure. With Safya, it had been easy. She even suspected Beatriz resented what closeness they cultivated. It wasn’t, of course, because she and her daughter were ever distant. No, it was more simple than that: Beatriz was a possessive creature. That it was her little sister taking something of hers (on shopping trips, to the beach, for a late-night movie in a theater they rented out just to sit in the middle in their pajamas) made it worse.
“Mama understands me,” Safya had told Prissy once. “She loves me. Sometimes I don’t know if she likes me.” This had made her laugh, and Safya fell into nervous chuckles in response. Finally, Prissy nodded heartily, replying, “We’re the same in that way, Safy.”
𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 ↓
❧ alfonso’s death will happen in part iv of the main story, a million years from now, but here’s a taste of beatriz being destroyed by it :^) additionally, no real prose today. having a remarkably bad one. maybe next week. [insert me shrugging so hard i dislocate both of my shoulders]
TRANSCRIPT:
{Miscellaneous cooking noises}
[P] Have you tried the cookies?
[L] What? I, uh … No.
[P] I told Olalla they wouldn’t help—on the telephone, while she was baking—but she was in a frenzy. No stopping her.
[L] I can’t …It’s …They were mama’s—
[P] Her favorites, I know.
[P] Not a bittersweet reminder yet. Just bitter
[L] {Sighs.}
[L] I didn’t know you were here already.
[P] Birdie always pretends I’m not. I decided to let her this time.
[L] It doesn’t feel very good.
[P] What, is that how you feel? Ignored?
[L] I waited all morning for her. She walked right past me ... I just don’t know what to do with myself.
[P] Of course. It feels like the end of the world.
[P] You know, that isn’t fully a bad thing. The People wouldn’t exist if the world had not ended—and ended, and ended, and ended. We’re destroyed, and we become something new to survive.
[P] The last time this happened ... Mama, I would think. That destroyed me. For Birdie, this is worse. This is like when papa died.
[L] I just thought we would be together. Now, her and me. She hasn’t even looked at me since we saw mama at the marina.
[P] You’re not getting any comfort from her, Nora. You know that.
[P] You don’t need to beg her for it either. You have an entire family that will comfort you. I’m here. Your grandfather. The rest of them. Just let things run their course.
[L] I know that. It just ... doesn’t make it hurt any less.
[P] It rarely does.
[P] Now, how about some coffee? That’s what everyone comes in here for.
[L] Sal’s self-serve station. That is what I wanted, before …
[P] We’ll skip the cookies and save our appetites for dinner.
#ts4 story#sims story#sims 4 story#ts4 royalty#royal sims#simblr#ts4 legacy#1992.story.post#1992.a1#yes i noticed something is missing#no i am not fixing it 😭 use ur imaginations#1992.ep01
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it’s Stupid Hours (aka way too early in the morning) and after 0.2 seconds of searching on YouTube ive come to the conclusion that there is no qsmp John Mulaney “The One Thing” animatic yet and ive gotta say guys. im disappointed.(/lh) im so used to every fandom having at least one The One Thing animatic that realizing there isn’t one for qsmp is bonkers to me. i’ve watched so many of these over the years that if you played The One Thing audio, i could probably recite it in time w the audio (i won’t say from memory bc my memory is shit.)
anyway here’s what i would personally do for a The One Thing animatic if i could draw. remember that this is gonna be skewed to the POVs im more familiar with so im sorry if your cubito doesn’t make it into the role you’d expect. i tried to include as many people as possible.
Edit: "Back in high school..." - not really necessary, but i imagine this story/"AU" taking place during the egg disappearance, which would explain the overly chaotic behavior of the islanders. not that they ever need a reason to be chaotic.
Narrator - Charlie. he’s not on the server as often but bc of that he would make a good “outside” pov narrator. also he’s just a got a really quick-with-it type of humor, cracking jokes and puns and doing wordplay/inprov’d songs at the drop of a hat, and he also loves telling stories.
Mr. Macnimara - Cucurucho. “And Mr. Macnimara was an asshole.” need i say more?
Jake Macnimara - Jaiden. beloved bird of the Federation, though that absolutely would not stop her from throwing a wild party for her friends in their offices if she could. Edit: also Quackity would make a really good option here. Cringefail man that the Federation likes to toy with, we love to see it. Also with his shit luck it makes sense that a party that he decides to host at the Fed offices (a bad idea in the first place tbf) would blow up in his face so hard.
(Bonus: Mrs. Macnimara - the Duck. the Watcher. ElQuackity. idk who’s funnier just whoever your heart desires.)
“And we all got up individually and thought: okay, let’s go over there, and destroy the place.” - split screen of Cellbit, Baghera, Maxo, and Bad. there could be more, like Mike, Etoiles, Phil, Tubbo, really anyone who hates the Federation and/or has an affinity for chaos. Foolish would be a really fucking funny option for this one because yeah he works for the Feds but He Absolutely Would. all of the characters would get up calmly, and on the word “destroy” flip to a Chaos Mode Engaged expression (Cellbit with a grin and bloodstains on his cheeks, Baghera w flames behind her and in her eyes, etc etc)
“People were drinking like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off” - Tubbo and his backpack of 3749588383 chainsaws. tazerraft could also be a good option considering Pac’s love of beheading people and Mike’s generally unhinged behavior. tbh just anyone/everyone in morning crew.
Person who breaks the pool table - Etoiles. someone would dare him to and he’d get so fucking excited he would absolutely HURL himself at that pool table. (dogboy behavior)
Person who takes a shit on the computer - … look ive been blankly staring at this one for like 7 fucking minutes. my heart says Aypierre but i could not tell you why. just. anyone who would absolutely do some rancid, unhinged shit when given the opportunity. Foolish again maybe. idk.
Edit: "Something something, police." - Jaiden, if she isn't Jake Macnimara. She would totally say it in a "LOL UH-OH" manner. If not, I could also imagine Missa, Bagi, or Fit nervously/bluntly trying to warn people while laughing.
“Fuck da police!” - “Fuck da Feds!”/“Fuck da Federation!” from what i can tell, Charlie doesn’t have an active animosity towards the Federation, but a lot of his friends do, and he will do anything, ANYTHING to commit to the bit. he will do ANYTHING for the funnies, and if he thinks that shouting “Fuck da Feds!” at the top of his lungs is going to get a reaction out of people, he absolutely will.
Edit: "'I served my nickel, you come and take me!' confidence." - Mike. I have such a strong mental image of Mike drunkenly shouting this while Pac and Fit hold him up/hold him back. Fuga references my beloved. Also the fact that he was put in a Fed freezer for a while.
The Police - the Federation workers. obviously. bonus points for one unnamed guard/officer being impressed like “wooooow :0” and then widening the shot to reveal an unamused Agent 18 standing next to them, leaning into his walkie talkie saying, “Get the paddy wagon.”
“SCATTER!” - Phil. (if you know you know.) generally, people who don’t know Phil tend to think he’s pretty chill, so no one would expect him to do something like that. also when Charlie says “And my friend John—” it would cut to a ‘pause screen’ over the scene, Charlie coming on screen to clarify the “father” and “baby” parts by providing helpful pop-up images of family pictures with Chayanne, Tallulah, and Missa on screen. Resumes, presses play and the screen clears: “He grabbed a 40…”
Edit: "Until, two years later..." - again, not really necessary, but it could be something like, "Until, after Purgatory..."
Alex (guy who stole the photos) - Roier. HEAR ME OUT. Roier, similar to Phil, is just such an unassuming guy. he’s cheery and laughs a lot and cracks jokes, but deep down, he’s smart and he’s got a burning HATRED for the Federation. he’s not the kind of guy to start fights, but with everyone else causing chaos at the party, breaking shit in the offices/house, he would absolutely take the opportunity to steal Federation documents for his husband’s investigations. (or antique photos, if you want to keep with the high school setting/theme.) i mean he stole a fucking lamp from their offices once just because there was so much shit going on and he knew the Feds probably wouldn’t notice (iirc).
Edit: SOMETHING I FORGOT TO MENTION ABOUT ROIER. you could totally make the line “because it’s the one thing you can’t replace” a reflection of Bobby, who the Federation ‘killed’, so now he’s getting back at them. (i’ve put way too much thought into this.)
anyway that’s all! feel free to contribute if u want i just really love The One Thing. it’s an older fandom meme but yeah it still checks out.
(the sheer number of edits to this thing really speaks to how much it lives in my head lmaooo. there's more details but im not gonna include them here bc they're too visual.)
#qsmp#<-might take this off main tags idk yet#dont mind me im just rambling#i spent an hour on this#im so ffuckin sleepy
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dangerous - chapter IV
❧
Chapter I I Chapter II I Chapter III | Chapter IV: New Routine
PAIRING: Vegeta/Reader
RATING: Explicit
CONTENTS: Explicit sexual content, Canon typical violence
WORDCOUNT: 4327
Summary:
You missed connecting with other people, other humans, so much it hurt. You missed your parents, your friends, your pet; you missed sleeping on your own bed, that was ten times more comfortable than the mattress you had in that room in Frieza’s palace. You even missed sparring with someone who you knew could give you a good punch but would still worry about your well being afterwards.
Training. That’s what you needed then. To let out some emotions.
Notes: Hello! It's been a while since I updated this fic, but it's been on my mind for a while. I have the outline of it written down, so I hope I can release a new chapter fairly often? And since this is a work in progress, I hope you can bear with me if there are any inconsistencies 😭 This story has a point, and I know where I wanna go, so please be patient!
I'm surprised of how popular this fic is among all my fics, and it remained the one with the most hits on AO3 until recently, so I hope yall stay with me until the end 💕
Vegeta was not the same man he was years back. Having destroyed planet after planet without actually meeting someone who could match him in strength had led him to a certain feeling of boredom and numbness that had engraved into his soul.
For all purposes, he was still the same, however. He was still working under Frieza, with a silly plot in mind to overthrow him someday, but at the same time knowing he wasn’t nearly strong enough to do it. His bloodlust had decreased along with his interest in purging planets, but it changed nothing because that was still his job in the Frieza Force. He trained whenever he was staying on-planet, in between missions, like he always did.
That loop he was trapped in made him wonder over the years if the time when he could overthrow Frieza would ever come. Vegeta had calculated how much stronger he needed to be to defeat him, but it seemed unreachable. Especially if his sparring partners were Nappa and Raditz, who were still incredibly inferior to him.
At least, you showing up in his life had been a pleasant surprise.
Your presence hardly changed anything. It’s not like you had some hidden power that would prove to challenge his own strength. You didn’t have any information regarding the legend of the Super Saiyan; you weren’t even a Saiyan, though your species resembled them physically, but only physically. Every time Vegeta touched you, he got the feeling you might bruise.
And you did bruise, especially the first few times he had lay with you. Vegeta was restraining himself whenever he shared a bed with you, but in retrospect, he probably wasn’t doing that much the first couple of times. He had a lot of pent up energy, anger and lust for things he couldn’t have, and it didn’t help the way you enticed him. It was a strange feeling that invaded him when he noticed the marks he’d left on you, almost like he felt bad. Almost. In any case, you seemed to like whenever he hurt you, though.
What would such a feeble being mean to him, though?
Vegeta didn’t really understand the feeling that invaded him as he got to spend more and more time alone with you. It was pleasant, that much he could tell, even the words he exchanged with you before and after sex. He had never entertained himself with any feeling that made him feel ‘warm’ like then. Violence and battle had never awoken something like this in him.
He felt vulnerable.
Which was stupid, because who could hurt him? You? Certainly not. Your power level was puny, even when you claimed not to be as weak as you looked. He could kill you with a finger if he so desired.
That was what was scary, though. He didn’t want to kill you.
Maybe not yet. Vegeta told himself that he didn’t want to kill you yet. You were a good lay and a nice distraction from the stress and ire he had whenever he was alone, or surrounded by his subordinates. He had spent over thirty years under Frieza’s wings and he was nowhere near as strong as he was, and your presence made everything else fade to nothing.
Even through all that, he sometimes still didn’t understand you.
“Vegeta, how old are you?” You asked him, as you lied beside him.
It had been a few minutes since you both had reached your peaks (you had gotten there twice, and he was proud that he knew your body so well, he could make you orgasm with simply his fingers), and you were still trying to catch your breath when you turned your face to look at him. You stared at him too often, and he felt bothered by it at times.
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I’m curious?” Vegeta quirked an eyebrow in your direction, and you rolled your eyes. “I just want to know if I’m sleeping with a 100 year old man, or if it’s someone younger. Am I not allowed to know?”
“Do I really look like an old man?” He chuckled.
“Well, no. But I mean, I know a lot of species that don’t age, so I wouldn’t know.”
“Saiyans don’t reach adulthood until they reach their fifties. I will still look like this for a couple of decades.”
“Oh…” You remained silent for a few seconds before repeating your original question. “So, how old?”
“I’m thirty two.” Vegeta said, at last. The wide smile on your face made him frown. “What?”
“Nothing. I’m twenty nine.”
“So?”
“So I’m glad I’m younger.”
Vegeta didn’t understand you at all, most of the time.
When you carefully nuzzled closer, and trailed a hand down his abdomen, he did understand that. He kept his eyes on your face, staring at you with desire as you wrapped your hand around his erection. It had only taken him a minute for his cock to stir back to life after he had already spent his load; it was something that happened all the time when you were around.
Vegeta kept his eyes open even when you leaned to chastely kiss his lips before trailing lower down his neck and chest, slowly moving your hand over his length. He tried to keep his gaze on you when you licked up the underside of his dick, staring right back at him as you kittenishly lapped at the head. When your lips wrapped around his cock, Vegeta couldn’t focus on anything else, except the sensation of your warm mouth as it engulfed him entirely, almost like it was easy, like it belonged there.
He remembered the initial small fear the first time you put your lips on him. Not that you could ever really hurt him. But after he had given in that time, he couldn’t get enough. At least he never had to ask, or worse, beg, for you to use your mouth on him; you seemed more than eager and willing to pleasure him.
Shame on him. He had actually given you power over his body.
But Vegeta couldn’t care less in that moment, when you were bobbing your head up and down, humming contently as the tip of his cock grazed the back of your throat. He groaned, hips jerking upwards, seeking more of that wet heat. You gazed at him through glossy eyes as you sped up your moves, trying to hold him inside for longer, as the muscles in his abdomen tensed.
The heat inside him unraveled, making him growl as he spilled cum down your throat, feeling the intense burn of release pulsing through his veins. You swallowed all of it, and he heard you gag around a mouthful of cum as you slowly pulled back, pumping his cock with your hand to help him ride out his orgasm. He opened his eyes to look at you then, sporting a playful smile as you licked your lips clean of every drop that might have been there as you crawled back over him.
You let go of his length to wrap your arms around his neck as you kissed him, nice and slow. Vegeta returned the affection, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist. He had gotten used to ‘kissing’ after the first few times he had sex with you, even when he had rarely done that with whoever he had fucked before. But you seemed eager to do it every time, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.
Your heartbeat was going fast again, he could feel it when you pressed closer to him. You had told him it had nothing to do with fear, something he had associated with it before. Seemed like your heart was always beating that fast every time you were with him. He wondered why, what kind of emotion provoked that in you?
It must have been something good, as it did not slow down when he reached your entrance with his fingers. He was pleased to know that you were still wet, obviously from sucking him off, but also due to the previous load he had spilled inside you the first round, his cum and your slick mixing in and making it so much better for him to slide in again.
Vegeta had not expected your brash and lewd attitude to be so attractive.
If he had to be honest, he hadn’t had sex as often as his two henchmen probably had. He wasn’t as experienced, but it’s not like he knew nothing. However, he wondered how much he did not know when you were with him. You hadn’t mentioned his lack of experience at all, he tried his best to hide it and so far, you seemed unaware of it. But the things you did to him sometimes left him wondering how many things could be done in intimacy.
The first time you gave him oral sex, it intrigued him, but when you had taught him something called sixty nine, it fascinated him. And apparently sex wasn’t exclusively reserved for the bedroom. He knew that, but doing it in the shower had been pleasant.
Vegeta didn’t dwell on anything when he pushed his cock inside you, grunting against your lips as you started rocking your hips. He was overwhelmed, not only by how tight and warm and wet you were; your sweet scent invaded his nose, making him feel drowsy, and your moans were music to his ears, and even his name sounded so honeyed every time it spilled from your lips. It was like being in a haze, drowning in bliss, as he came inside you, holding tightly onto your hips, afraid you might disappear.
You were exhausted afterwards, and fell asleep minutes later.
Vegeta took that opportunity to leave. Most of the time he usually waited for you to fall into a deep slumber before taking off. He never spent the night. He already felt weak for having sex with a human more than a handful of times, but it was difficult sometimes to leave that warm bed of yours at times.
He was getting softer. He was aware, and he had no one to blame but himself. You had given him a small sense of purpose, but it was frail. He only liked to fuck you, what good would that do to him?
Grumbling in annoyance, Vegeta gathered his clothes, putting them on before leaving your bedroom.
*
You were used to waking up alone the morning after having sex with Vegeta. You were used to it, but it didn’t make you feel any less used. You could understand why he wouldn’t spend the night, but you were still human enough, and not sleeping together at least once made you feel disposable.
Whatever. Vegeta wasn’t your boyfriend.
Running your hands through your hair, you took a shower, getting rids of the remains of your activities from the night before.
It had already been almost two months since you got back to planet Frieza 80 (was it 80? 81? You weren’t sure). Over three months since you met Vegeta, Raditz and Nappa. Vegeta kept showing up at your door occasionally. More often than not, actually. It surprised you; it had been a shock the second time he knocked your door when you were on that spaceship months ago, it was still a surprise that he actively had been visiting you even after that mission was over. He didn’t show up every night, but he did it so often, he might as well have. The only time he didn’t were a few weeks in between when he had been on a mission God knows where along with Nappa.
You tried to keep a lot of your emotions in check frequently, but seeing Vegeta intimately so often made it difficult. You knew he wasn’t close to being emotionally invested in you, he showed it every time you interacted with him outside the bedroom; he treated you like he treated everyone else, like shit. But his ability to be somehow soft with you in private confused you. He obviously just wanted to get laid, as much as you did.
You were just lonely.
It had nothing to do with Vegeta or anyone else. You simply missed being in contact with someone who had the emotional depth of an actual sentient being, and not just slaves of Frieza’s army. You couldn’t blame anyone; being under a tyrannical reign would make you distrust your own shadow, it was only natural no one revealed anything about themselves to anyone else. It was a miracle the three remaining Saiyans even trusted each other.
And if you were honest with yourself, as much as you liked Vegeta, you weren’t sure if you trusted him at all. Sex meant vulnerability, but you couldn’t show it with someone you knew was always on guard, even when you were being intimate.
You felt like you were turning into one of those soldiers without emotional depth.
You tried not to tear up as you put on your clothes after your shower. You missed connecting with other people, other humans, so much it hurt. You missed your parents, your friends, your pet; you missed sleeping on your own bed, that was ten times more comfortable than the mattress you had in that room in Frieza’s palace. You even missed sparring with someone who you knew could give you a good punch but would still worry about your well being afterwards.
Training. That’s what you needed then. To let out some emotions.
The training rooms used by the Saiyans were reserved for only them, and other high ranking officers that might want to use it, but you knew Vegeta was the one who visited it the most (you had to repair it often because of him). You also knew he wasn’t going to be there so early after spending the night with you, so after grabbing something quick to eat, you headed to the training room.
You didn’t expect to see Raditz there, however.
“Hey, doll,” He greeted you with a grin, and you rolled your eyes. He kept calling you that and it just stuck. “What brought you here?”
You stared at him for a long minute; he had been training too, wearing only his trunks and boots as sweat ran down his body and settled in places that made you want to look at him for longer than what should be allowed.
“I wanted to warm up a bit,” You averted your eyes quickly, focusing on the wall behind him. “But if you’re using the room, I’ll come back later.”
“Warm up, huh?” Raditz asked, obviously mocking you by the way he was smiling. “I want to see what you got.”
“You wanna spar with me?” You blinked, confused.
“Yeah, or am I too much for you, human?”
He was provoking you, you knew it, but it was working. Your power wasn’t low, but you weren’t sure if you could actually match Raditz in a one on one battle. But this could be a good way to find out. His power was the lowest among the three Saiyans and he had been the nicest to you, so maybe he wouldn’t kill you if your power proved to be puny compared to his.
“Alright, I’m game.”
“Sweet!”
You took a step back to get rid of your armor, and you felt his eyes scanning your body as you adjusted your skin tight suit. He and Nappa never stopped leering at you any chance they got, and every time you had to remind yourself it had to do with the fact that you looked a lot like a Saiyan. They only seemed to like it more when you tell them to stop anyway.
Raditz changed the gleam in his eyes when you faced him; he obviously didn’t see you as a threat, if anything he seemed to be mocking you by daring you to fight him.
You launched at him, and he saw it coming easily, no matter how fast you were, grabbing your fist with one hand when you aimed it at his face, then grabbing your leg when you tried to kick him in the face again. And so on and so on with any physical attack you tried to pull off.
Raditz didn’t even flinch with any attempt you made at connecting with him, and it was starting to piss you off. You were only just getting started, but he obviously wasn’t taking you seriously, remaining on his spot with a smirk as you tried to actually deck him.
There was no point in holding back if that was how it was going to be.
Taking a few steps back, you threw yourself at Raditz, aiming to hit him in the chest with your feet. You barely touched him when he grabbed your legs with both hands, a wide smirk on his face, and you couldn’t help but smile back as you got your hands up in his face, firing a ki blast in a split second that made him stumble back. He groaned loudly, the grip he had on you loosening, giving you the chance to actually kick him in the face this time, and swiftly wrapping your legs around his neck to throw him to the ground.
A loud thud echoed in the room when his body hit the floor, and you stared down at him with amusement.
“Fuck!” Raditz grunted, a few drops of blood dripping from his nose as he pulled his hands towards his face.
“You could have easily avoided all those attacks if you had taken me seriously from the beginning.”
You took a step back as Raditz stood up again, smirking as he wiped the blood off his face.
“I won’t make the same mistake again.”
And he didn’t.
You supposed Raditz was going easy on you at first, but at least he took your attacks seriously, and once you had thrown him to the ground twice (being small and flexible in comparison was a great advantage against him), he’d seemed to have enough. He actually started to hit you back, throwing punches and kicks that left you breathless with the sheer force he was using.
Fuck it. You started this a warm up or a spar, but he was fighting for real.
Ki blasts flew from both sides until it basically looked like a firework show, and dodging them got even more difficult for the both of you. Raditz had more stamina, his body was built for that, but this confrontation had been dragging on for a while, you could tell he needed a break, and so did you; the places he had managed to connect with ached like a bitch, and you’d end up with bruises all over your body if you didn’t end this quick.
Gathering what little energy you had left in the palm of your hand, you threw a ki blast right in his face, which he avoided easily, only to be met with your fist. He grabbed it swiftly like you expected, and you consequently held onto his arm with your other hand. Using it as leverage, you lifted yourself up to land a kick on his face with both of your feet, making him fall on his side. You barely had any strength left, so you let yourself fall beside him, groaning in pain when you hit the floor.
“Time up…” You panted, struggling to even speak. “You win…”
“How the fuck is this my win? You knocked me down.” Raditz grunted, sitting up and glaring at you.
“I don't have energy left, you could easily give me the final blow…”
“I’m not pleased to ‘win’ like this against a human.” He said, and you could feel in his tone he was genuinely frustrated.
You remained quiet, unsure of what to say. Strength, battles and discipline was viewed differently in this world than it was in your planet, and you didn’t blame him. You didn’t have to actively fight for survival when you lived on Earth. When Earth still existed.
You jolted when the door suddenly opened, and Zarbon walked in, followed closely by Vegeta and Nappa. You sat up, staring wide eyed. You had only seen the guy a handful of times, but he was looking straight at you, and trepidation quickly bubbled up inside you.
“You, human girl,” He addressed you with a loud, imposing voice. “You’re a mechanic, aren’t you?”
“Yes?”
“Not anymore. You’re similar to the Saiyans, you'll be joining them in your next mission.”
“What?!” You complained as you stood up on shaky legs. “Why?!”
“Quit your whining.” Vegeta said, glaring at you. “It’s been decided, so shut up.”
You faltered, his words settling in your brain. You didn't even whine that much.
“I had no idea you had that kind of power.” Zarbon kept looking at you, scanning every inch of your body, and you felt the need to cover up, even though you were fully dressed. “Puny, compared to mine, but enough to make yourself useful.”
Your eye twitched but you said nothing until he finally left a second later.
“What is going on?!” You asked, screamed, eyes flickering between Nappa and Vegeta.
“Your little fight caught the bastard’s attention.” Nappa grumbled, annoyed. “He saw the whole thing.”
You sighed, frustrated. All training rooms had two way mirrors, though you’ve rarely seen anyone actually using them.
“You’re going to train with us starting tomorrow.” Vegeta said. You knew him enough to know how angry he was, though you weren’t sure why.
“Fine.” You grumbled.
Vegeta glared at you and Raditz before he turned to leave, followed closely by Nappa. You sat on the floor next to Raditz as he turned to look at you with curious eyes.
“Pleased to make yourself useful?”
“I am useful even if I don’t fight.” You scoffed, stretching your arms.
“The real fun starts now.” Raditz grinned at you.
You wanted to return the smile, but you couldn’t. You weren’t looking forward to the torture that was going to be training with beings who were genetically designed to fight endlessly. You were just a human; you had trained enough to achieve a level to be on the par with Raditz, but you would probably never get to go that much higher.
“I had fun training with you.” You said after a while, as you both got up. And this time, you did smile. “I think I needed it.”
“I enjoyed it, too.” Raditz replied, smiling faintly. “Let me know when you want to do it again, girl.”
You watched him walk out the room and down the corridor before you turned to leave in the opposite direction. You needed to get some painkillers and hopefully something that would make the bruises fade away quicker, if there even was such a thing, at the medical unit.
After picking up food in the dining room, you took the rest of the day off. You showered and applied ointment on every visible bruise you could find on your body (and there were many) before settling down on your bed. Tiredness settled in quickly, but it would take a while for the painkillers to kick in; both of your sides ached with every move, so you could only lie in bed and stare at the ceiling until you dozed off.
After a couple of hours, Vegeta’s ki moving towards your room woke you up. You hoped to God he wasn’t thinking of actually fucking you that night; you didn’t know how much of your fight with Raditz did he see, but it must have been obvious that you weren’t capable of moving too much that night. Not to mention that it had pissed you off that he had told you to shut up the way he did.
Vegeta stood outside your door, you could feel his ki flickering (nervously maybe?), but given that you were a little pissed at him, you waited; you wanted him to actually knock. And he took his damn time, only knocking once after a few minutes.
“Open up.” His voice ordered from the other side, making your annoyance increase.
You opened the door just enough so he could see your face and part of your body in your sleeping clothes, visible contusions tainting your skin. His eyes scanned you quickly and when he tried to push the door so he could walk in, you stopped him.
“What do you want?”
Vegeta raised his eyebrow at your tone, and you could see him struggling to find the right words to say.
“Let me in.”
“No.”
“What’s wrong with you?” He frowned, obviously irritated as well.
“What's wrong with me? You really expect to just walk in here like every other day? Like you don’t see the bruises all over my body?!” You yelled, making Vegeta scoff.
“Humans are so fragile-”
“Well, too bad you’re sleeping with one.” You interrupted him, earning one of his most heated glares in return. He obviously hated being interrupted, but you were too annoyed to care. “I’m sure you’ll find someone else to entertain yourself with.”
“What the fuck is your problem?” Vegeta asked through gritted teeth. “You were begging me to fuck you the first time!”
“And now I’m saying ‘no’ because you’re a jackass. Who do you think you are?! You will never tell me to shut up like that again!” You seethed, pushing him with a hand on his chest. He did not move an inch, but he was staring at you with eyes wide open, evidently surprised about your reaction. “Goodbye, Vegeta.”
You closed the door swiftly in his face. His ki spiked briefly, and for a second you thought he might burst in. He never did, and some minutes later, you felt his presence get further away as he retreated.
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Three years ago this week, I had a hysterectomy as part of a surgery to remove stage IV endometriosis that had taken over my body. The endo was so bad, my uterus, ovaries, and bowel were all adhered together in one large mass. My surgeon removed a large number of endo adhesions, cysts, and fibroids as well as removing my uterus, tubes, cervix, and one ovary.
It was unreal how even the immediate post-surgical pain was noticeably less than what my pain levels were beforehand. There's no cure for endometriosis, but the hysterectomy at least meant I would no longer have periods that caused me to black out from pain.
That alone was a huge bump to my quality of life. Unfortunately, endo is a relentless disease and within nine months of surgery, I started experiencing that well-known pain again.
I ignored it for as long as I could, not wanting to admit that it was back already, not wanting to go back to the non-stop appointments and scans, where my body belonged to the medical system.
Subconsciously, it was like if I didn't say it out loud, if I didn't seek treatment, it meant it wasn't real. I played wilful ignorance for nearly a year, but of course, while I was ignoring the endo, it was busy spreading.
The thing about endometriosis is, the only way to fully identify how bad it is, is to have surgery. Ultrasounds and MRIs can give an idea of what's going on, but surgery is the only way to medically dx it with certainty.
Surgeons can remove the adhesions, but that causes scar tissue and unfortunately, the more scare tissue you have, the more endo grows back. Even the most skilled surgeons can't remove every cell of endo in a patient.
How long it takes to come back varies by person, so I guess I just drew the short straw with only getting nine months of relief.
Luckily, there are some ways to manage the pain. I've been doing a chemical menopause treatment for about 18 months now. I get a monthly implant that stops my one ovary from producing hormones (which can make endo worse). And it's been LIFE CHANGING, to say the least.
This treatment has been SO effective on the pain, I mostly forget that I have endo at all. I rarely feel the pain, usually it's in the week leading up to my next injection when my implant is wearing off -- I feel it and the pain stops me in my tracks.
Lately, that pain comes earlier and earlier each month, and every month, the pain is worsening. I am terrified about what this all means. Usually, the treatment I'm on is only used for 6-9 months at a time. I'm already at 18 months, which I am grateful for. But even this isn't a long-term solution.
I'm so scared. I'm so scared of going back to the life I had before surgery. The life where I was in debilitating pain every day, the life where I was bed bound for weeks and months at a time, the life where my body belonged to the medical system, the life where I was always being poked, prodded, and scanned. The life where I made such regular visits to the emergency department, we had to keep a hospital go-bag at the ready.
I don't know what comes next. I don't see my gynae again until April and I desperately hope she says I can keep doing this treatment, because at least it manages the pain 80% of the time. But if I can't, if the long-term risks are too high and I have to come off this treatment, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I guess I'm posting about this to not only get this off my chest, but also so other people with endo might see it and know that you're not alone. This disease destroys lives and is a constant battle, but you're never alone. I see you. I'm so proud of you. All we can do is keep fighting. <3
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I was just about to go to bed. I was thinking about all the time ive spent the last few weeks with my friends. We talk, we play games together, we stream, we watch videos and trade stupid memes. We support each other. Then I had a realization.
A bit of backstory first, for anyone who doesn't know (how could you not? I never shut up). Growing up, my dad worked all the time to provide for us, so I spent all of my time with my mother and sister. Over time, this developed in to "I dont know how to interact with guys." I mean, I do. Now. As long as its not the hypertoxic, hyper masculine nightmare that I have abhored since I was young.
I have always hung out with girls. In school, 4 of my closest friends were girls. I was always surrounded by a group of girls. I'd rather sit with them. Yeah, I know they can be toxic and vicious and gross too. But for whatever reason, I can talk to girls in a way that I can't talk to guys. (There are always exceptions to the rule, and yes, a couple of my dearest friends are guys, and we can vibe)
Anyway, on to my realization. A large portion of my friends are trans. There is an inside joke about this that is way too funny, and I still giggle when I think about it. Some of my friends I knew before they figured out that they are trans, some I met just after, and some have been on HRT for a time.
I have surrounded myself with people who have every right to be angry, to hurt others, to hate the world. Not for who they are, but for how they are perceived and treated. What the US government is doing might be the most disgusting thing I have heard about since the 1930s. My friends have been spat on, they cant go outside as themselves, some have been verbally and physically attacked. And every other trans person has to live woth that thought every day. They have every right in the world to want to destroy people like me. Cis, White, American males who have grown up knowing little to no hardship (I do whine a lot, but that's for the other bits of my blog) and being happy and comfortabla and feeling at home in my skin.
But they don't. They aren't mean. They are warm, and genuine, and wholesome, and caring, and doting, and loving. Every single trans person I know, without fail, is a lovely human being.
From personal experience alone, they have gone out of their way to make me feel included, and important. They help me when I need help, they spend time with me, they do things that I'm interested in and talk about my topics of interest. They support me in new and ever expanding ways. And they're happy to do it. Its not false, they aren't trying to get something out of it. In all reality, I dont have a lot to offer and I'm pretty clear about that when I start talking to new people.
They are just kind. I can't say for sure why that is, but I strongly suspect they get up every day and see the hatred aimed at them and consciously decide to be a positive force in the universe, even when they're being beaten down.
I am awe inspired. I want to be a better person and a better friend because my friends are so good to me. And frankly, I dont deserve them.
I was a terrible fucking person just 5 or 6 years ago. All the usual tropes apply, I'm not going into it here. If you care enough ask in the comments.
But for all of that, and yes, I have talked with each of them about what a PoS I was, they still show me love and kindness. I dont deserve friends like that, but I will forever try to earn the love and respect they have shown me.
Please, if you can, please hug your trans friend for me today. Because none of mine are close enough, and the only thing I want in this world is to show them that they are genuinely loved. And who doesn't like hugs?
Growing up, I had friends. Who doesn't? Some were good, some were better, some were bad. But what I never had was a family. And that's exactly what this is. I hate calling it a found family, because I didn't "find" them, they saved me. We are together, as a cooperative group for the betterment of each other and the world around us.
I will endeavor every single day to make the world around me better, and try to show the genuine compassion and caring my family has shown me, to others.
That joke? My handle across every single platform is Fox, in one manner or another. I have adopted it, and for all intents and purposes it is me. Foxes like eggs. Its a small thing, but when my friend said it to me, I thought my heart exploded. I was allowed to be included. I am included, I'm not secondary or tertiary, I'm not on the sidelines. I may forever be the wallflower of the family, the one who is willing to walk behind everyone else because the sidewalk isnt wide enough, but I will forever sleep better because you let me be part of the family.
I have unconsciously surrounded myself with people who will show me patience and kindness, compassion and love. I might not have gotten enough of that growing up and that's why I searched it out. But I have found the place I belong, and it's only fair that everyone else does too.
I say this all the time, but I hope its not too old. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives, letting yourself be shared with me. I love you so dearly (this goes for all of my family and friends, but i bet you already knew that) that my heart feels it might burst.
And seriously, go hug your trans friend today. Just pick one, give them a warm, attentive hug, and when you pull apart, tell them you love them. Dont ever stop telling your friends you love them.
I generally dont farm interactions, it feels cheap. I mean this with all sincerity: tell me about your trans friend in the comments. I dont care if its one sentence or one thousand, I want to hear something you love about them.
So for once, new rule: do interact, do comment and repost. I want to hear about them.
💚
#actually autistic#transgender#trans rights#wholesome#found family#appreciation post#thankful#i finally feel like i belong#long post#hugs and kisses#stronger with support#support
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Lucky
AN: not proof read because im tired :(. a little one shot of the aftermath of Vendetta. Idk , ive always felt something like would've gone down. I mean the plumbers are still a legal defense organization, they probably do have Gwen, ben and kevin come in for questioning when they feel something isn't adding up all the time.
" will you please repeat your statement for the camera ?"
Gwen groaned. She'd already repeated herself thrice at that point , what more could they possibly expect from her?
" there was this big scary alien called ragnarok who rummaged through my boyfriend's home a week ago looking for a key to destroy the planet.
We went after him in hopes of stopping him. During the battle something went wrong and the ship got destroyed more than expected. We got separated from ragnarok in all that smoke and rubble , so Ben , Kevin and i decided to leave immediately through an escape pod back to earth. We have no idea if Ragnarok escaped the ship in time or not. "
The 4 armed alien in front of her nodded with a blank expression on his face.
" So you're saying all 3 of you escaped , no one stayed behind?"
" nope. All 3 of us were on that pod that night"
" hm, and you all say Ragnarok was alive at the time"
" from the last we saw of him, yes, very alive"
He scribbled something down on a piece of paper in front of him while Gwen sat across, her hands neatly folded on the cold metallic table in front of her.
She looked over to the one way mirror behind the bespectacled alien, taking in her reflection. Dark eye bags and unruly hair in a bun, she was exhausted. Who wouldn't be after being suddenly awoken at 2 am and driven to a top secret location for questioning , questioning that had gone on for a few hours now.
It shouldnt have taken that long, but Ben went before her, and she was sure he spent most of his time in theatrics , claiming he was The Ben Tennyson and most likely quoting some sort of fbi interrogation scene from a some TV show. He sure was excited on his ride over there.
"You think they'll play good cop bad cop on me? Maybe they'll call me little punk? Ooh I better get a tooth pick, it'll make look tough "
" miss tennyson you claim the there were 3 of you on that escape pod, however the biosensors on the vehicle show presence of only 2 living beings. how do you explain that?"
He narrowed his eyes at her. Gotchya.
" well of course it wouldn't detect Kevin. In case you missed it, he's not technically living by organic standards. He's mutated as a bunch of rocks and metal, non living things. The scanners would just ignore it as a pile of debris.
Gwen narrowed her eyes back at him. Checkmate.
Oh Kevin got lucky. So lucky that he didn't even have proper fingerprints to track down or leave behind.
She could feel her temples slowly pulsating as she stared ahead. And the flickering fluorescent light bulb was not doing her upcoming migraine any favors either.
" anything else?" she retorted.
" actually yes."
He took off his 4 eyed glasses and sighed.
" Miss tennyson, do you know why I brought you and your cousin in for questioning? Because the two of you are good honest people. The both of you are heros in your own rights, and will always dot he right thing "
Ahh yes. The guilt trip tactic.
" by the way , I hope you and your cousin are both well aware ragnarok is the one who killed Kevin's father yes?"
Gwen scrunched her eyebrows. " Is he? kevin never mentioned it."
The alien nodded. " Yes he is. And we have been trying to track him down for some time now but this is the first time he showed up on our radars again. And he's out of our hands, again. All I am saying is Kevin is no stranger to revenge, always trying to seek justice for his past. I hope you are aware 2 years ago he-"
" Kevin's past is his alone, it's neither mine nor my cousin's business to get involved. All I know is nothing nefarious happened on this mission as much as you want to believe. What might've happened to Ragnarok was an accident, that is all." She cut in without missing a bit. She did not need a highlight reel of all of Kevin's crimes right now.
She wasn't in denial, she knew what he was capable of and had an idea of what he might've already accomplished in his stage of rage. But he was trying, slowly but surely Kevin was healing, and both Ben and her agreed to help him in their own ways. And one of it was not delve too much into his past unless he told them himself. They realized he wasn't so different from them. Just like them , he too was thrown into this insane world at a very young age, but he had no one to support him. Either one of them could've ended up in the same situation as well.
" hm. Interesting how your cousin has the exact same story. It's almost as if it's, I don't know, rehearsed?"
" well if we all experienced the same thing , then surely the story would be the identical"
She could keep this up all day if she wanted, she wasn't captain of the debate team 3 years in a row for no good reason.
" I suppose so"
Gwen crossed her arms and leaned back into the metallic chair, the screeching sounds due to the weight of her body suddenly shifting backward echoing off the cold walls.
" are we done here officer? Its a Saturday and I would really like to catch up on my sleep"
He nodded and raised his right upper limb, pointing to the door behind him. A click was heard and the door opened up to the hallway.
" By the way , it wouldn't hurt to have a little faith in Kevin. He's a good man and is trying to live up to it. Who knows colonel, he might just end up being the hero we all need someday" And with that she left, hoping this was enough to save the obsidian eyed boy this time.
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#ben 10#ben 10 uaf#ben 10 alien force#ben 10 ultimate alien#ben 10 omniverse#gwen tennyson#ben tennyson#kevin levin#gwevin#gwevin related#fanfiction#ao3#love
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"I will probably never watch an episode of SPN again due to finale trauma"
Same.
I haven't watched a second of SPN since the finale aired. The finale retroactively destroyed the entire show for me. I literally threw out all my SPN merch the next day. Donated it all to a thrift store. I was so embarrassed. I unfollowed everyone (except Misha Collins) associated with the show the moment the last episode finished. I just didn't want anything more to do with it. I still find it hard to believe they really made that episode and allowed it to be broadcast. Blows my mind to think people were paid actual money to write and produce that. They frickin risked their lives (!!!) to make it. Imagine if they'd all gotten COVID and died in Vancouver, unable to see their families one last time, alone in COVID isolation wards, unable to hold funerals (if their bodies would've even been allowed back into the country).. and for what? The shittiest episode of television ever made. Oof.
I remember my friend (who knew I was dreading the finale) asked me the next day "so, how was it?" and I just replied "IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN I EVEN IMAGINED."
Like, I was *expecting* it to be bad. I was *prepared* to be disappointed. But I was NOT ready for it to be SO bad that I would immediately retroactively disown the entire show and everyone associated with it out of sheer existential embarrassment.
Reading this is so sad because its so close to my experience. I didnt have a lot of merch, but the merch i did have was either thrown out or shoved in the back of my wardrobe never to see the light of day again!
That finale really did a number on us didnt it? Over 3 years later and it still hurts my heart when I think about it too much.
It really was the worst thing ive ever seen. Ive seen some pretty bad TV but omg nothing will ever top that. Its maddening that anyone could sign off on that absolute garbage as if it was worth anything more than being cast into holy fire and condemmed to the 7th circle of hell.
Its funny, I'm so weary and apprehensive about starting new media since then. Its impossible to trust storytellers especially anything made by those involved with spn. I have kept my heart so guarded since then and refuse to fall into fandoms that dont already have a known ending. The only reason i allowed myself to get super into Sandman is because the story is complete, and we all know Good Omens will get a happy ending. Anything else for me is either one off mini series, or shows that have already aired in full.
I want to love Dead Boy Detectives when it comes out. I dont know how that story will end though I suppose there are comics already for it that I can look into. Also Steve Yockey was one of the few gems of SPN and I'm happy that his ghost has partnered with Neil Gaiman to make something that looks really decent. Steve Yockeys SPN episodes were always meta masterpieces of metaphor and symbolism and so I hope it'll build a meaty fandom to get excited about.
Then again the apprehension and fear remains, because SPN finale trauma prob wont ever go away. You cant invest years of your life devoted to those characters only to have them destroyed to dust before your eyes and come out unscathed.
I hope over time the feelings we hold about it get easier to deal with, especially as we move on to new stories, new fandoms, and new characters to love. But SPN the show is very much dead to me, and this time it wont resurrect.
#spn finale trauma#you are not alone anon#there are plenty of us still lingering on tumblr#trying to heal from it in different ways#asks
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2022 Reflection
Sorry for this being so late. Ive had a lot of things going on…
I’ve been having fun with this journaling/gardening app. It’s giving me many opportunities to reflect on the positivity and the things I’m grateful for in my life.
As I pause and reflect on my first year of being back on this blog, I’ve realized how much has changed. Not just me, but in how I see things.
It reminded me of my first encounter with Tumblr back in 2012 when The Avengers came out. I’ll never forget the time I first set my eyes on Loki, the sexy god of mischief. I’ll never forget the time I became a fan of something that was more than myself, fast forward to 2023 and here I am with my two loves Loki and Doctor Strange.
How can I forget the reason I chose to come back to Tumblr was of course, for Doctor Strange.
He so much more then a character, he’s the embodiment of inner strength and rising above your demons. He taught me that no matter how damaged you are, you can always bounce back and reclaim your life.
Multiverse of madness destroyed me in a good way to the point that I just had this itch to come back and re-blog pictures of Benedict. Like I was some giddy 13-year-old girl all over again.
Next thing I know my phone is a collection of Doctor Strange in Benedict Cumberbatch photos.😆
Now I found myself in this loving community of writers and creators pushing out stories of my own.
I never thought of myself as a writer, It was never really a hobby of mine, but I found through conveying my thoughts…healing began to happen….
Now Im hopelessly addicted to writing and I don’t think I want to stop 😊
I have some very special people to thank, bc if it wasn’t for these amazing humans. Im not sure were I would be.
@geeky-politics-46 not only is this woman, a bad ass super writer, but she is a bad ass woman warrior. She is the reason I started writing in the first place. She will always be my sinister sister through and through.
@purplefeathersandblackleather you came into my life when I least expected it, but when I needed it the most. I am forever grateful for our conversations that were able to have every day; you keep me grounded.
@lady-harvey for always being so loving and so kind towards me and my work. She never has anything bad to say about anybody. She’s just pure love.
@icytrickster17 how can I forget….easily I can never forget them. Their undying support for everything that I post good or bad I will forever be in debt with their love and support.
@dino-fart for her kind words and continuous support despite her hitting extremely hard times
 @bakerstreethound for proofreading my story, and always being there to support me with my Sherlock ideas
@marvel-writing I just met you. But, we have been unable to not stop chatting between each other. You are a breath of fresh air and the best person share photo of Ben with. 
Anyways as Forest Gump said, “thats all I have to say about that”
Hope I didn’t bore you to much. 😉
#strangelockd adventures#doctor strange#benedict cumberbatch#sinister strange#doctor stephen strange#sherlock#because benedict cumberbatch#stephen strange#doctor strange in the multiverse of madness
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And as for today? He woke up and was dead fucking silent. I need you to know that for months now, ive been waking up to him, wide awake at like 7 am, already up listening to music and getting ready for the day in whatever way he can. And today, he woke up at 10 am and didn’t speak a single word at all for like 3 hours. And then while i was eating, he was drinking his coffee and then out of nowhere he went ‘what the actual fuck was that finale?’ And after all i did was replied ‘now you know the bullshit ive been mad at for years’ he went ‘how did people survive this bullshit when it aired?’
Then afterwards he sent a voice memo to our mom and went ‘mom, you have no fucking clue how bad it is. Its really bad. This shit is my 9/11. I need to talk to you’ he also sent a similar voice memo to our dad.
Then he called his best friend and went ‘remember iron man? Yeah, i wanna fucking jump off a building right now. This is..Dude, i feel like I got dumped.’
Then he called our uncle cause he sent my brother a text about the finale. And they talked for quite a bit and he realized that our family knew about the finale and he went ‘AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? I know i hate spoilers but im not that bad! (This is where my uncle reminded him that my brother stopped talking to his husband bc he accidentally spoiled who won on drag race once) okay, but that was..okay maybe youre onto something here but still! This shit hurt! I was happy for no wedding and then BOOM! No justin.’
The things he said to me about the finale were a lot and all over the place but these are some of my favorite parts that stood out and i could remember: this was said while he was pacing up and down ‘everyone got their happy ending except Justin and Brian. What the fuck man? This is bullshit! I will start a protest over this’
‘So basically what i got from this fucking show is that: everyone except Brian, Justin and Emmett sucks.’
‘I want to know how many people they pissed off with this finale. Because this is bullshit! I mean not the wedding part, god imagine if they got married….yikes. But seriously why? Did people get angry at the season 4 finale so they decided to do this abomination?’
this next one was said while he was on the phone talking to a nurse who was telling him about tomorrows check up. Btw he was trying to whisper which to me made it funnier cause it sounded like he’s never whispered in his life ‘i just don’t understand cause why would they do th- yeah i’m still here. Okay, okay, yeah, mhm..okay- that like they were finally happy. Together. After all the bullshit! The bashing, the cheating, LA, CANCER, whatever the fuck season 5 was and now gone, ripped apart by one fucking review and a bitch with a bad haircut- yeah, so I give blood first and then? Okay cool- how fucking dare sh- no no im not talking to you, im talking to my sister.. about this sh- actually nevermind, I can’t do this now’
And the last one that i can remember that he said to before he once again went on a silent retreat for the rest of the day was: ‘fuck you. I hate you so much for showing me this show. I was better off not knowing because in my world, they were still together under one roof and not doing this long distance..(i remember that i wanted to say something here idk what) THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER AND NO ONE IS TAKING THAT AWAY FROM ME! This last season was just a suggestion..shit ended with the bike race’
After that, he went back to his room. Then outside to smoke. Then had his 5th coffee. And then he sat on a couch for like 20 minutes just petting Brian. And that was it. He was dead silent for the whole day. Our mom couldnt call him today because of work so he was in an even worse mood. And then he passed out with the cat. So basically the finale completely destroyed him and left him speechless. We barely even talked today because he literally looked like he went through hell and back over and over again. Im honestly wondering how tomorrow will go. Especially since our parents did text me to ask how bad on a scale of 1-iron man is it. And when i replied that i think it might be worse, our dad texted me ‘fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.’
How did people survive this bullshit? I think this is the time to bring up the existence of fan fiction and gifsets and fanart. That’s how we survive. We create art. Because in the end the writers DID make us care and did make us feel big strong feelings and it inspired us to go create more feelings… and isn’t that the point in the end?
AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? You were ALL so careful to avoid spoilers. For science. He would have been really angry if he had been spoiled.
I will start a protest over this. I really did think he would start a petition for a reunion episode. I also thought he would make it happen. He seems like he has great relationships with his friends and you and your family, so I just thought enough people would care and he would be passionate enough and he would be able to accomplish what 20 years of fandom hasn’t been able to.
Shit ended with the bike race. THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT I’M ALWAYS SAYING. END THE SHOW WHEN BRIAN ASKS JUSTIN TO MOVE IN. YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE AMBIGUOUS WHETHER JUSTIN GOES TO LA, it’s unambiguous that they’re partners.
“how bad on a scale of 1-iron man” “fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.” I love your parents. They are going to kill all of us when they find out we’ve been egging you on. Please tell them that a bunch of internet strangers want to be adopted into your family.
Thank you for this journey Dear Sweet Anon. It has been such a rollercoaster AND also the most hilarious thing to happen. I did not have A Straight Man Watches on my 2023 bingo card. We are a teeny tiny fandom but this has brought the few of us here together in such a fun way.
If you want to send any other updates, my asks are always open. I know everyone will want to hear if your brother ventures into the fandom at all. Or what his reaction is when he finds out how many people knew - beyond the entirety of your wonderful family. I hope his recovery continues to go well (and he sustains no more queer as folk related injuries!). You seem to be an incredible sibling to him even though you broke his damn heart.
#ask winderlylandchime#dear sweet anon#queer as folk#a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023
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TW: Trauma, Medical Stuff...Storytime Rant
So for anyone not caught up with the drama that is my life, I was in the hospital for 33 days, but the story starts way before that. This is about to get personal so, yeah. This one is long and has a lot of details.
I have type 2 diabetes. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 20 and diabetes at 25 (on my birthday...total bummer). About 2 years ago I had a sore on my right foot. I thought it was just a cracked callous, but it would not heal. My wife (then girlfriend) took me to the walk-in clinic and then the ER. The ER diagnosed the wound as a diabetic ulcer and referred me to a podiatrist. We will call him Dr. B.
So I spend 2 years with Dr. B. I was there 1 to 2 times a month. He would use a scalpel to scrape off dead skin, give me creams and wrap my foot. I then developed a second ulcer on my left foot.
Now all this time we are slowly getting it smaller and better looking...until I lost my insurance when I switched jobs. I had to choose between going to my regular doc for diabetes and Dr. B. I chose Dr. B because I had open wounds that had to be seen to.
August 2022 the right foot gets infected. We immediately go to Dr. B. He takes XRays, gives me antibiotics, and assures me that I did nothing wrong, that these things happen with open wounds. He examined the xrays and assured me the bone was not infected (spoiler alert: it was). The infection clears up and all is well (it wasn’t).
Life goes on, I get married, go on honeymoon, have a nice Thanksgiving. Then I started to feel bad on my first day of my Christmas vacation. Fever, chills, general shittiness. I thought I had the flu. My right ankle and foot swelled, but I chocked that up to an old injury in that foot and the cold snap (we were in the teens in TN). I got through Christmas (I don’t remember much) but I wasn’t getting better.
I went to the walk in clinic. Negative for flu and covid. They said it was a stomach bug. At that point I was vomiting up everything I ate/drank. They gave me anti nausea meds and sent me home. The next day I was still vomiting despite the meds so we went to the ER.
At the ER I saw a doctor...I’ll call her Dr A. Dr A told me I had a gut infection of some kind and/or my gallbladder was infected. I told her about the ulcers and swelling, but she never examined my foot. THey did bloodwork and though my white blood cell count was higher than usual, they felt it was not something to worry about. A stronger anti nausea med and antibiotics and they sent me home.
On Dec 31st I was still sick with a high fever and other fun stuff. My mom came over, she looked at me, checked my leg and immediately took me back to the ER. Dr. A was on shift and she came to look at me again. She still advised it was my gallbladder. My mom made her look at my foot. Still swollen and now red. "Does this look like her gallbladder?!” I was finally admitted. It turns out I was sceptic. So I got IV meds and a lot of scans. They did an abdominal scan and sent the surgeon to examine my gall bladder. He was pissed and said that it was obviously my leg and a blood infection.
More scans revealed that I had a bone infection in both my left and right feet. I honestly don’t remember much about this part of things. I was kinda activly dying. THe small town hospital I was at could not handle my case so they sent me an hour away to a bigger hospital. I arrived in the evening, those surgeons (Dr G and Dr C) saw me in the morning and I was having my right leg removed that afternoon. Later they removed part of my left foot too (goodbye pinkie toe). After a week I was off to rehab. I did pretty well at rehab. Now I’m home.
Now there are some behind the scenes shenanigans. Remember Dr. B? Yeah it turns out that back in August I already had bone damage (from infection) in my right foot. Dr. C thought I’d had surgery on it. About 1/3 of the bone was already gone...destroyed by infection. I actually noticed that my pinkie toe looked odd on the xray and asked if it could be because I was developing a bunion and he said “maybe”. He cleared me on Dec 14th when I was definitely infected for sure and said he’d run my insurance for skin grafts to close the holes. When Dr C did my examination prior to surgery he was able to poke his finger through the wound and touch bone. That is called tunneling and it means that the wound was not just on the surface like I was lead to believe.
Either Dr B was wildly incompetent or totally negligent. If they had caught this in August or before (there is some evidence that I may have had bone damage the whole 2 years but that research is ongoing) then I may not have lost my leg and almost my life. After my amputation, Dr G told my mom and wife that the leg would have killed me even with the antibiotics. I had literally been on the brink of dying. I needed 2 post op blood transfusions.
So my wife thinks we should sue Dr B. I have never really sued anyone. I was sued once for a car accident when I was 18, but I’ve never really looked into medical negligence/malpractice. I, obviously, have a lot of medical bills. Also my house is small and currently navigating it is difficult. Not to mention lost wages and, well, pain and suffering. I don’t know if we have a case and I am still unsure it is a good idea to pursue it at all.
I was raised conservative with the whole pull yourself up by the bootstraps and walk it off mentality. So while I have educated myself as an adult, the knee jerk reactions of “lawsuits are get rich schemes by fraudsters or people too lazy to work” is still there.
I am still going to doctors, trying to schedule a counselor, and I will eventually need a prosthetic leg. Should I really sue the doctor? I thought about it a long and hard time and did some research. A small victory could help secure my and my family financially for at least a few years...but I don’t know. I had a lot going on and couldn’t afford many of my medications so my diabetes was not great. I am very aware that my decisions helped put me in this situation. I wasn’t on my meds properly, I wasn’t eating as well as I should have, and I didn’t do any 2nd opinions or anything. It wasn’t just Dr B’s fault, but I certainly feel that as a doctor he did not fufill his duties.
I am currently getting all the records, xrays and 2nd opinions I can get my hands on, just in case.
It is a lot and is kind of stressful. My life is forever changed. I am conflicted and I am a little bit scared. My 5 year plan has gone kabloom. Even if things turn out in my favor and I get money, things are still wildly off kilter for me.
Anyway. Doctors suck. Every nurse I spoke to bad-mouthed the American health system and my hospital food is still the worst.
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Regarding the locker- that would make sense. In the messages he leaves for her hes a weird mix of genuine regret and having a grudge. Like he does things like set her talk sound to a bell as a reminder of her old name, and says shes not tiara but also seems deeply regretful
Then again we dont know what he said in that ‘happy birthday belle’ message but I suspect it got censored due to being overly spiteful/cruel
Ive always interpreted tiara as just rejecting the premise of the rebirthing ritual outright, like she never saw it as something meaningful like rainer did and thus ‘gave up halfway’. She defines her identity on her own terms and in the end thats the lesson she imparts on paul and allows them to defeat marvin. So with her more nuanced understanding of identity she might have disagreed with the idea of just tossing items like the new life letter down the big hole, as if they were part of a totally different life
To circle back to marvins sprite- one thing that sticks out to me is how it’s basically the same color pallete as the grass of the newmaker plane. Perhaps it was done like that to make him seem more ominous as it makes him look kinda formless when walking around the plane
whether rainer genuinely feels regret over belle is dubious. im inclined to believe he at least partially feels bad, and i dont think he actually intends to sound spiteful or hurt her in any way, rather he has an extremely misguided approach to "helping" children (which we see in how he attempts to help care as well) that usually neglects their true desires. i think this stems from him being so distraught over mike that he used belle and care as sort of stepping stones to experiment with the concept of "A B NLM" states and giving a child the ability to be reborn as someone new. he failed in this, hence "there are no changes, only replacements", or in paul's words, "some things you cant rewrite". coming to this conclusion and seeing the damage he did to the children only result in failure likely lead to his suicide, or it was one of the things at least ...
the censorship of the happy birthday message could be due to many reasons, if we're to believe the family is the one who censored it. still, they felt a need to include the "happy birthday" part of it. birthdays seem to be akin to rebirth, and there's one for each child with a tool on their table: mike's 7th, care's 5th, belle's ???, and lina's 9th. maybe the family simply didnt believe the rest of the message was worth including. we already know jill doesn't consider belle that huge a deal judging by how she didn't press paul for more info on her.
i really really like these insights on belle. she definitely offers a new contradictory take on identity that clashes with rainers. though belle seems to also take this to an extreme - as in, she has trouble moving on. she clings to things from the past, no matter how painful and traumatic. she has presumably kept her playstation on for 17 years straight despite only having one room to traverse. and, obviously, the locker. petscop is a growing organism but belle's locker has presumably sat stagnant all those years, and in turn it has created a safe haven for paul to place his own past into. it's like an anchor. rainer insists upon destroying the past entirely, while belle clings to it as if it's all she has. paul slaves over rainer's game but gets input from his sister and ultimately reaches a conclusion striking a balance between the two extremes: moving on, yet preserving what was shed.
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thinking about the will wood interpretation of the wednesday netflix show i havent see the show at all but i believe him with every core of my being
like not to talk out of my ass cuz i litterly have not seen the show and only have seen pictures and fanart but i also saw NO negative posts about it till the will wood one today (not saying theyre arent i just havent seeked out stuff for this show), even my sister recommended it to me. i have a bad habit of disliking popular things that are hyped up on social media even when its a show i like just because like.... sometimes fandom brain rot irks me a little and im definitely hypocritical and cringe just like every other mf on this website.
but also ive seen the adams family movie (i dont think its the OG og but the most popular one) where the camp was to 100%, all the characters were unapologetically weird, political, and goth. not only was it extremely funny camp but had a lot to say for its time, and honestly i think movies like that are becoming rarer and rarer. its so mf boomer of me to say it but with how politics are now and we (at least speaking as an American) have succumbed to the idea that corporations hold more power than the average person in politics, we also hold companies to higher degree of pr and well..... 'wokeness' and inclusion. and like dont get me wrong its so nice to not watch movies and shows with random blatant racism / racism stereotypes for no reason and theres been great shows made in recent times.... but its also like.... companies are becoming more scared to do anything wrong or bold. to be political in any manner, to make a bold statement in any manner because they arent JUST appealing to 'left wokism' (sorry idk how to decribe it better) but to the most people in a nice friendly family friendly manner. (like.... im trying to communicate the idea of lemon demons redesign ur logo like... THAT. they are appealing to everyone)
so long story short i believe will wood's review with a burning fucking passion because thats how a lot of media is turning out, especially by repurposed IPs which is a whole nother fucking annoying thing. smaller rant that intertwines, but its just like television, merch, fandom, etc etc are scared of letting something die or letting something be, both companies who search to milk every last cent..... and fandom people looking to psycho analyize every character into cardboard cut out stereotype or their personal barbie dolls to use to draw gay art and writing long paragraphs about some new netflix merged IP is so 'saphic/gay coded' etc etc its gets so fucking annoying. can we have a normal conversation about a show please like adults.
tdlr can we not spend 20 million years destroying the meaning of somethings original message, both on the sides of repurposed ips AND fandom brain rot, to make something entirely new squeky clean and gay teen romance replaying the same scene of first love over snd over again THIS ISNT ART
#sorry im like so fucking pretencious when it comes to media i know its annoying#also i love being cringe about my favorite things so like#im not trying to attack people for liking things#BUT PPL ALSO KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT DONT MISCONSTREW MY WORDS#its like fine to like something and analize it a bit deeper#and its fun to imagine a different senario and how the themes of the show can be bended or strained#like mob psycho swap au for example#but it annoys me when its like...... it strays from the themes#themes and metaphor are the most important parts of media for me#so im kinda picky with media because action and stuff doesnt really entertain me the same#idk im so tired from today im just talking about this random rant to no one#if you read all of this i love u and u def dont agree but i also think i have a valid point#also im not trying to say all fandom people do that to characters its just uh........#most...... expecially in POPULAR media so thats why i get scared#i guess im also just getting older now so seeing male leads doing a 'first kiss' art makes me want to kill#wheres the nuance and flavor#the transgenderness beyond owo i have top surgery scars oh no.....#but anyways#shoutout to mob psycho btw oh my god#and to my favorite artist#also when i say things like people who dont want something to die its like#different when its like star trek fans vs like 7th remake adams family#if that makes sense#and im not even saying all adams family remakes are bad either#sorry im like covering my bases#cuz internet makes me so afraid of pea brainsd idiots HAISBAJSBXJ#sorry thats mean..... 💖 but some ppl r maliciously ignorant fr
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