#i finally feel like i belong
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I was just about to go to bed. I was thinking about all the time ive spent the last few weeks with my friends. We talk, we play games together, we stream, we watch videos and trade stupid memes. We support each other. Then I had a realization.
A bit of backstory first, for anyone who doesn't know (how could you not? I never shut up). Growing up, my dad worked all the time to provide for us, so I spent all of my time with my mother and sister. Over time, this developed in to "I dont know how to interact with guys." I mean, I do. Now. As long as its not the hypertoxic, hyper masculine nightmare that I have abhored since I was young.
I have always hung out with girls. In school, 4 of my closest friends were girls. I was always surrounded by a group of girls. I'd rather sit with them. Yeah, I know they can be toxic and vicious and gross too. But for whatever reason, I can talk to girls in a way that I can't talk to guys. (There are always exceptions to the rule, and yes, a couple of my dearest friends are guys, and we can vibe)
Anyway, on to my realization. A large portion of my friends are trans. There is an inside joke about this that is way too funny, and I still giggle when I think about it. Some of my friends I knew before they figured out that they are trans, some I met just after, and some have been on HRT for a time.
I have surrounded myself with people who have every right to be angry, to hurt others, to hate the world. Not for who they are, but for how they are perceived and treated. What the US government is doing might be the most disgusting thing I have heard about since the 1930s. My friends have been spat on, they cant go outside as themselves, some have been verbally and physically attacked. And every other trans person has to live woth that thought every day. They have every right in the world to want to destroy people like me. Cis, White, American males who have grown up knowing little to no hardship (I do whine a lot, but that's for the other bits of my blog) and being happy and comfortabla and feeling at home in my skin.
But they don't. They aren't mean. They are warm, and genuine, and wholesome, and caring, and doting, and loving. Every single trans person I know, without fail, is a lovely human being.
From personal experience alone, they have gone out of their way to make me feel included, and important. They help me when I need help, they spend time with me, they do things that I'm interested in and talk about my topics of interest. They support me in new and ever expanding ways. And they're happy to do it. Its not false, they aren't trying to get something out of it. In all reality, I dont have a lot to offer and I'm pretty clear about that when I start talking to new people.
They are just kind. I can't say for sure why that is, but I strongly suspect they get up every day and see the hatred aimed at them and consciously decide to be a positive force in the universe, even when they're being beaten down.
I am awe inspired. I want to be a better person and a better friend because my friends are so good to me. And frankly, I dont deserve them.
I was a terrible fucking person just 5 or 6 years ago. All the usual tropes apply, I'm not going into it here. If you care enough ask in the comments.
But for all of that, and yes, I have talked with each of them about what a PoS I was, they still show me love and kindness. I dont deserve friends like that, but I will forever try to earn the love and respect they have shown me.
Please, if you can, please hug your trans friend for me today. Because none of mine are close enough, and the only thing I want in this world is to show them that they are genuinely loved. And who doesn't like hugs?
Growing up, I had friends. Who doesn't? Some were good, some were better, some were bad. But what I never had was a family. And that's exactly what this is. I hate calling it a found family, because I didn't "find" them, they saved me. We are together, as a cooperative group for the betterment of each other and the world around us.
I will endeavor every single day to make the world around me better, and try to show the genuine compassion and caring my family has shown me, to others.
That joke? My handle across every single platform is Fox, in one manner or another. I have adopted it, and for all intents and purposes it is me. Foxes like eggs. Its a small thing, but when my friend said it to me, I thought my heart exploded. I was allowed to be included. I am included, I'm not secondary or tertiary, I'm not on the sidelines. I may forever be the wallflower of the family, the one who is willing to walk behind everyone else because the sidewalk isnt wide enough, but I will forever sleep better because you let me be part of the family.
I have unconsciously surrounded myself with people who will show me patience and kindness, compassion and love. I might not have gotten enough of that growing up and that's why I searched it out. But I have found the place I belong, and it's only fair that everyone else does too.
I say this all the time, but I hope its not too old. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives, letting yourself be shared with me. I love you so dearly (this goes for all of my family and friends, but i bet you already knew that) that my heart feels it might burst.
And seriously, go hug your trans friend today. Just pick one, give them a warm, attentive hug, and when you pull apart, tell them you love them. Dont ever stop telling your friends you love them.
I generally dont farm interactions, it feels cheap. I mean this with all sincerity: tell me about your trans friend in the comments. I dont care if its one sentence or one thousand, I want to hear something you love about them.
So for once, new rule: do interact, do comment and repost. I want to hear about them.
💚
#actually autistic#transgender#trans rights#wholesome#found family#appreciation post#thankful#i finally feel like i belong#long post#hugs and kisses#stronger with support#support
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Is it the moment whem random bots start following my blog
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Okay if you haven't yet, and you have Netflix/Paramount+, consider giving "School Spirits" a chance.
It looks like a silly little cheesy teenage ghosts show, I put it on for background noise, and then got totally engrossed in the mystery. It's VERY well written, very well filmed, the mystery was GREAT and the payoff at the end is also great.
One of the things majorly lacking in shows I've recently tried to watch is that they try to do a twist/reveal at the end that comes out of nowhere. They don't want you to guess what they're doing. This show doesn't do that. This show wants you to guess. They give you seven different mysteries and enough clues to guess (most of) what is going on, so that when you get the final puzzle piece to any given mystery, it feels GREAT.
The story premise is this: a teenager in hs wakes up as a ghost in the hs, and doesn't remember how she died, and with the help of the other ghosts, tries to solve the mystery of her own death.
Simple premise. BEAUTIFULLY executed. Not all of the questions that arise get answered, but the main one (what she doesn't remember) gets solved by the end of the season, leaving the "why/how and what comes next" to be carried to the next season. It does a cliffhanger RIGHT. But now I desperately want to see the second season (which I believe has been approved, so it's a matter of waiting).
So pretty please, if you're looking for something to do and a great, engaging lil mystery to watch, consider! School Spirits!!
#school spirits#there is so much in this show#Spike and I finished watching it today#her for the first time me for the second#and the second time through it was even better because I was picking up the right threads#the first time through there are SO MANY CLUES#but there are also SO MANY MYSTERIES that you aren't sure which clues belong to which mystery#and then the last half of the last ep hits#and dumps out all the final puzzle pieces to several mysteries#and we spent like an hour digging through thoughts afterword#pulling out themes and clues#and there are some potentially REALLY CLEVER things done#and actually they 100% followed through on the things they set forth and paid off so far#so I feel pretty confident some of the things we pieced together actually belong to the puzzle#and aren't just mistakes#or coincidences#and it's been so long since I got to see actually good writing STAY good writing through#I'm so stoked for this series
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Cursed Chimera
#Mimzy#fursona#original character#original species#art#2024#sometimes you just gotta take your weird lil chimera sona and draw them with a bunch of different animal parts#I don’t particularly enjoy this look and if you look at older art with Mimzy her parts are more blended and look like they belong to her#but Q and I were discussing her species lore and I just#HAD TO#he called her tasty#anyway hello again here I am dropping art and then vanishing into the ether#I think I’m finally starting to feel better which is great#not gonna push it and jump into blogstuff again just yet but#getting there
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The choice is yours.
#fear and hunger#fear&hunger#f&h#enki#dark priest#fanart#rpg maker#only took like 3 months to sit down and finally finish this omg#I'm trying to accept the fact that wips won't magically become okay if you just intently stare at them for three hours#so might as well just post un-okay ones i guessss#i wanted to convey this eerie feeling when you go outside and somehow it feels more unnatural than the dungeon itself#worm boi belongs underground#couldn't resist giving him a hint of a dumpy too lmfao
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Manifesting the ultimate match of my dreams: Performance vs Grandma
I can't be the only one who imagines these matchups as a shounen anime tournament arc, right??
@bestestspirit
#sky cotl#sky children of the light#sky children of light#performance guide#belonging guide#belonging grandma#sky grandma#I could've done this with cannoneer cuz thats how it feels like right now but the mental image with grandma came first so I'm doing that#no matter who wins tho I'm just happy grandma will be at the finals tehe#EDIT: HOLY SHIT THEY WON WE CAN HAVE OUR DREAM MATCH#btw grandma sweep she deserves to annihilate them I'm sorry performance guide
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MiqoMarch Day 23 - Midnight
With their intended voyage into the void only a few days out, Arsay thought it the upmost importance that she steal her partner away to Kugane, that they might share one more fond memory together should things not turn out the way they plan in the thirteenth. It was as they crossed the very same bridge the miqo'te had once sat on together two years prior when Arsay gifted Y'shtola with a bracelet matching that of her own. A token of endearment which, Arsay confessed, she would have given to her fellow scion back then, had nerves not gotten the best of her. While their relationship has undoubtedly changed since the initial purchase of the jewellery, the sentiment remained the same. Y'shtola was someone who Arsay loved dearly and she will forever be grateful to have the seeker's life intertwined with her own. No matter where their free spirits took them, they would always hold each other in their hearts. A promise Y'shtola was more than willing to keep. She slipped the the string of beads around her wrist without a second thought. They were never to come off, not even when the two decided to delay their return to Radz-at-Han in favour of a private bath at the dead of night.
#miqomarch#miqomarch 2024#ffxiv#y'shtola rhul#y'shtola x wol#wolshtola#Arsay Nun#WOL posting#arsay nun lore#arshtola#thanks to nhaneh for the body mod#i had to do some insane fov to get the moon and them in the same shot so sorry for the distortion#forcing arshtola lore into this prompt since idk when Ill ever get around to gposing the actual scene#this is between 6.1 and 6.2!#endwalker patch spoilers#i had the idea that arsay bought the Dai-ryumyaku bracelets from a vendor between 4.3 n 4.4 when shtola is off to the doman enclave#and arsay is like hey wait you should let me show you around kugane on the way over!#a fun friend date that ends with shtola finally accepting she has a crush on arsay and its terminal#and arsay having a single moment where she starts reflecting on feelings & thinks maybe she missed hanging out w/shtola more than she shoul#only to quickly butt that idea out of her head and continue being super normal#arsay notices these matching bracelets with red and purple string and shes like oh they are so cute and they look like#they belong in a pair it would be so sad if they were ever split up unexpectedly#i know ill buy them and give one to shtola wouldnt that be fun!#so she does that and then cant bring herself to give yshtola the damn thing because she starts second guessing herself#so arsay stashes the bracelets away and she started wearing hers later under her glove#fast forward to two years later and arsay finds the other one in one of her bags#and now shes dating yshtola and they are about to go somewhere super dangerous#what better time to tell your gf how much they have always meant to you#and what better way to do it than with a gift and some words spoken from the heart?#it was a little unconventional since arsay didnt really have marriage on the mind but it was a proposal in a sense
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Hello!
If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?
There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?
OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts
No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:
This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.
Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning
Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.
And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate..
But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!
Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)
This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that
#not art#admin answers#paranatural#pnat#richard spender#pts-fic-notes-and-blog#before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask!#none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them#this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship.#idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell#he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those#to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness#has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count#to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said#also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats#sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him#its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF#which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him#so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time#TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol
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Trans girls are so fucking pretty. Wide shoulders, radical intersectional leftism, and a girl-dick??? Sign me the fuck up.
#trans girls#original#t4t#girldick#trans women#trans pride#trans love#trans positivity#have YOU thanked Trans girls for existing today?? everyone say THANK YOU TRANS GIRLS#lol that's another good post right there I'll come back to that#and trans women with narrow shoulders? also hot. girlies who can lift me are mouth-watering. but! so are the disabled and small tgirls!#but jfc i love a low voice i love a little stubble i love other visibly trans people#i love tgirls acting and dressing in whatever way makes them feel good and that is FINAL#and non-binary trans femmes? ohoho those people glitter like gemstones from a mile away.#i tell it like it is! I'm just saying what everyone is already thinking!#extra love to fat and BIPOC trans femme people you belong here in this community and you are fucking BEAUTIFUL DAMMIT#uncompromising hot takes from Jack Goodfellow
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Absolutely losing it over this cooking show rn
Something something life and death something something
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#sorry to be back for one final hoorah on this blog but I wanted to share my art so bad#this blog will NOT be posting more art do NOT follow it#I just wanted to put this up somewhere for the time being#this feels like it belongs on tumblr#spoilers?#dungeon meshi spoilers technically?#I mean the episodes been out almost a week but I wanna be sure
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requited unrequited
so there was something going around a while ago when people where discussing 'requited unrequited' and how it's hilarious,
i didn't think too hard about it but like yes ITS SO FUNNY
the idea that both parties think the other has a crush on them and is too polite/embarrassed to shoot them down
and then their actual respective love interests are losing their mind
ITS GOLD ITS FUNNY WHAT DO YOU MEAN
and i deadass haven't seen a single fic like this, can someone drop a fic rec if they know anything and they belong to the following fandoms????
#orv#joongdok#harry potter#drarry#merlin bbc#merthur#i'll add more when i think of them#like for orv it would be yoo sangah and kim dokja right#(im thinking it has to either be early high school or middle school#and that's final)#and like kdj would ask sangah out bc he has been convinced that he is leading her on adn he feels awful#and he figures if he asks her out and treats her well (as she deserves) then she would just naturally lose interest#and sangah well she knows that kdj isn't used to putting herself out there and he might take that rejection hard so she feigns enthusiasm#and in the background yoo joonghyuk is sulking and han sooyoun is regretting encourgaing kdj to ask sangah out#hehe#so for the hp fandom it would be harry potter and ginny no duh#(def in the hogwarts era or u kno acc i could totally see it like being as adults acc bc well-intentioned weasley pressure)#and that's acc really self explanatory#and luna and draco are both sulking together#like they are supportive but they're slightly salty about it and eveyrone is with who they belong with in the end#merlin bbc would obv be merlin and gwen like no doubt#except they both jump to their own conclusions all on their own (well okay morgana and arthur tease them but THEY DIDN'T MEAN IT)#anyways so they are just being silly and sweet and uncomfortable and merlin and morgana are losing their goddamn minds over it#and like i have a lot more fandoms but like#i can only think of these three rn
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Thinking about how Pacific Rim focuses entirely on the importance of platonic relationships
#there’s probably something articulate and meaningful to be said about it but it makes me go insane#i think the blonds are supposed to be married? but the movie doesn’t make that clear i thought they were identical twins#i read the scripts where mako and raleigh do have an explicitly romantic relationship and it’s bad#something about having them sleep together and kiss feels like it cheapens it i don’t know how to articulate it#the bond they have in the final movie hits so different#it’s more committed than a typical platonic relationship but the distinction between platonic and romantic doesn’t matter#they just belong together!
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How long do you think it took for Lucy to regularly eat meals with Lockwood and George? How many times did she make food for herself and take it back to her room to avoid these new people she didn’t quite trust? How many “family” meals did she avoid before finally joining in and feeling like she belonged?
#lockwood and co#lucy carlyle#i feel like she would only eat family dinner when invited#like if george or lockwood didnt explicitly ask her to join she would just… eat alone#and then when she finally trust them and feels a part of the team and family#then suddenly she realizes shes been eating every meal together with them#and she cant remember when it changed that she belonged#having lucy thoughts at lunch today
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memory, death and life as komerex zha, the perpetual game; klingon culture as depicted in the final reflection, by john m. ford
#star trek#web weaving#klingons#im normal about this. i swear.#please read the final reflection. 99 cents on kindle right now. i read it in one sitting very fun very entertaining very insightful#and spocks in it. if you even care#is that last quote not soo sarek coded. 'im gonna destroy you in this game son. every time until you learn not to lose so badly#but you will still lose. <3'#house gensa forever house rustazh foreverrr#klingonaase my darling i love you you're sooo latin coded#i really liked the singing and the idea of like gestures vaguely house gensa being three hundred kids with no formal houses or lines#to belong to. <- and so you will all be together. yayy new family!#i also liked the acknowledgment of like. other cultures existing on klinzhai (qo'nos) vulcans and orions living with klingons and such#this book really had it all im not done posting. theres more songs and looks at their food; daily life; clothing and how they decorate#houses. more examples of klingonaase lol of course cuss words and such. they also talk about battle language which if i'm not mistaken is#like clipped tlhIngan?#but they call it battle language and translate it for the reader. fun!#and of course the klingons end up on earth so theres insights on how they feel about coffee and human food. apparently the air on earth is#very thin and dry to them; every scene where they talk about klingon comfort standards they mention making it dark and humid and hot.#red lights and such! for inside#and they say the thin air on earth makes it hard to hear for klingons! i thought that was very cool#nobody:#me: they like salt water baths and dark ale and they wear silk and they eat pastries with butter. if you even care.#they mention human chair designs being uncomfortable for klingon anatomy too; there was a description i remember of house khemara#having cushions on the ground around a fireplace instead of chairs#its such a pretty description too; they have high ceilings and wooden beams along the roof and and sky lights for an indoor garden#iron railings for the staircases. mwah i love this book i really recommend it#theres something (gestures) here that reminds me very strongly of worf but i cant put my finger on it to be honest with you. not even like#the komerex zha specifically either like the vibes of the whole book.....
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was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either
#talkys#i want a partner i dont think i should have one for equal parts not thinking im worthy and also being too picky#and enjoying my alone time as much as the loneliness and skin hunger hurts me so badly every single day#after hearing with and interacting with others its like is it even worth it if ill still turn to my imagination...! like will it ever be#enough?#or i see ppl post about the Good and its like. id never be lucky enough to find someone who fit my needs and didnt hate me and#wanted to spend time with me it wld be so difficult. i will never be that lucky#but then wagh. ive talked about this before i hate falling into this pit bc ive always been undesirable so convincing myself of all this#feels very like. well yeah. it was never gonna happen anyway but good thing you finally found your Cope!#delete later#i cannot even make friends. the stars will never align. but all i want is my own guy to worship. belongs with me‚ the devotee#being unworthy but also being like. im a catch i can be as picky as i want (forgets hes ugly as fuck and kind of useless with it too)#whatever either way we are not going to make it
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I didn't really draw on paper in a long time (a decade, almost). Last time I did was when I was still in school, during classes instead of paying attention I drew whatever I had in my mind at the moment. I guess it will take some time to get back to where I was back then. Sadly cannot show examples, my family put them on fire because 'it is trash' to live with their words. But I guess I got over that finally, and started with who else than Vulpes Inculta?
Not the best or most detailed, but I am still proud of myself for being able to overcome a decade of inactivity. First step was starting to draw on my phone, second and more important step is drawing on paper.
#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#fallout nv#fonv#fo:nv#f:nv#vulpes inculta#fallout art#i was so traumatized after they put my drawings on fire#that i didn't have the strenght to draw almost for an entire decide#and felt so dead inside for years#and i just started to overcome it less than a year ago#noone should ever do it#noone should ever destroy something that belongs to someone else just because it is meaningless to them#because it can mean everything to someone#i guess it helped that i don't contact with the toxic family members no more#and that my little sister started to show interest in drawing#so yeah i feel some kind of pride for being able to bring myself to draw on paper finally#i am almost crying because it feels like overcoming some hard challenge or something
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