.

tbh I am Very Okay with the fact that the Tumblr Withnail and I fandom died RIGHT before I became an addict bc as someone who took 750 mg of DPH watching that movie and playing the drinking game but with pills, I do Not think I would have survived that, possibly fucking literally

(also fucking. people shipping Withwood after the thing I had JUST gone through would have been AUEUGHGH)

Video game I saw in a dream. It was in this low poly style like an older video game. You play as this character I think was meant to be a lamb, or maybe a weird mix of a lamb a mouse and a rabbit, (while not really looking like any of those things) and you’re running away from a wolf. Your objective is to last as long as possible before the wolf catches and eats you.

The house you’re running in is endless and bizarrely put together like most building interiors in dreams are (like the infinite toilet dream dimension on Reddit lol) the layout of the house is pretty detailed, you can stop and hide in places like closets or bins while the wolf looks for you, you can go up and down stairs and into rooms etc.

You never actually know where the wolf is or how close it is to you until it appears in your line of sight, it makes no noise and the game gives you no way of knowing where it is, and it’s pretty unpredictable it doesnt move at a consistent pace. When the wolf catches you there’s an animation showing it eating your character

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

thinkin about simon smokin while you’re sitting on his lap, all pretty and docile, playing with the loose threads of his sweater. he taps your thigh and you turn to him because you know what he wants – he made sure you know it well, after all.

you part your pouty lips open, batting your long lashes as simon leans in before blowing the smoke into your mouth. you inhale it slowly, having been taught by him how to properly shotgun, and simon groans at how good you are being. then, he finally leans in to kiss you because you deserve to be rewarded <333

TUMBLR POLL do you do drugs or have sex or drink alcohol or do cigarettes or anything

yeah ⬜️ 10%

NO!!! ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 90%

93837593 votes

tim drake and his weird ass hair

if you saw the typo no u didnt

~~*expand for close ups*~~

They weren’t kidding. Those cooks sure are clumsy!

(Close ups below)

Hello lovely people I forgot I had a tumblr

ㆍ⇋﹒how to fix your phone and social media addiction: a tutorial ；ᨴ﹑📲ˎˊ˗

DO NOT delete social media !!

If your phone is taking over your life, who’s the real culprit? Exactly. Social media is not bad per se, the problem comes in when the content that you surround yourself with is toxic and unhealthy. Use your phone and social media for motivation, productivity, inspiration… Mindlessly scrolling is the real problem, not social media.

Don’t you have something better to do?

Being on our phones and constantly scrolling mindlessly through social media gives us dopamine and makes us addicted to it. But the thing is, phones aren’t the only thing that can give you dopamine. Explore and experiment life to see what can give you dopamine. For example, I love reading and when I’m doing it I never think of going on my phone because doing something that I love already gives me the dopamine that I seek.

Discipline is key.

This is kind of obvious since discipline is the solution to most of these issues but you actually need to learn how to have discipline. Change your mindset to one that understands that getting used to comfort will only bring weakness in the long run whilst getting out of your comfort zone will build strength. Start by choosing to do something that will be better for you in the long run even if it’s hard than settling for brief happiness just because it’s easier.

Start by not going on your phone first thing in the morning.

Going on your phone first thing in the morning will pretty much guarantee that you’ll be glued to it the rest of the day because the first dopamine hit that you get in the day is what you will continue to look for throughout the day. Get an alarm clock or just leave your phone in another room (e.g. your bathroom) throughout the night so when the alarm goes off in the morning you’ll be forced to get out of bed and not crawl back in it with your phone.

Change your phone from color to black and white.

Accesibility > display & text size. If the only colors you see on your phone are black and white it’s just not going to hit the same, you’re not going the get the same dopamine hit and you’re not going to want to mindlessly scroll because it’s not giving your brain that reward and that satisfaction that you would usually get, which is what unconsciously keeps us coming back.

some nurses I work with and get patients from give me the impression that they think a patient is opioid addicted and they need to be weaned off, and like even if that is the case 1) I'm not a addiction specialist, I'm their night nurse and their doctors have prescribed pain medication to be available to them, 2) day nurses I think can be more flippant about pain at times because during the day you have things that can distract you while at night, all you get to do is lie in bed and think about how much pain you're in, 3) I don't think a hospital stay for like heart failure is the best time to detox someone, 4) pain is incredibly subjective and I trust patients who've been living in their body for their whole lives more than I trust myself who has been talking to them about their body for five minutes, and 5) some nurses will be like "I don't offer pain medication unless the patient asks for it" and then the patient will ask for it and then it's all "this patient requested pain meds..... drug seeking behavior" like okay wtf are they supposed to do then? Stoically cry one tear down their cheek when I come to check on them so I can benevolently grant them 5 mg of oxy? 6) enduring pain doesn't make people better people, it actually makes people angry and tired and sad, so good luck building your therapeutic rapport while you make them beg for pain medication, maybe all your patients wouldn't be so mean to you if they weren't all suffering the entire time you're responsible for them, 7) if you aren't gonna give opioids and you're also not gonna page the doc for other meds and you're not gonna get ice packs and you're not gonna reposition your patient and you're not gonna ambulate them when they say that helps their hips and you're not gonna talk to them for a while to distract them and you're not gonna get them a jello cup to eat if they want, then literally how are you better than a little roomba with a med cup full of Lipitor scooting into their room?

I'm aware of the risks of opioids, I don't give them when it isn't safe or indicated, and I'm also aware that opioids aren't even good for all types of pain, but they can be an absolute gift to patients who need them. They aren't inherently evil. We don't have to make people suffer to improve their character. Even if suffering did that (it doesn't), improving character is outside my scope of practice. Here's some morphine.

.

So i recently came to the conclusion that my weed use is probably at the level of an addiction and that I’ve gotta Do Something About It.

As of January 1 of this month, I resolved to only use my vape on the lowest setting (as opposed to the middle or high setting as I had normally done) and mix my flower with dry tea (something I had been doing but stopped doing because I didn’t feel like it anymore - something that served as evidence to me that maybe I don’t have as much control over my use as I thought.) I’ve kept at that the whole month so far.

On February 1, I’m going to be taking my first day without weed since 2021. This is to prepare for a longer tolerance break (that, while nowhere near as dramatic as my benzo detoxes, I’m still calling a “detox” for myself because that’s how I perceive it). And then hopefully more regulated control of my use.

I’m not there yet though. I’m at the point where reducing use and sticking to it is an accomplishment. I’m going to take a day off from weed use, something I (again) haven’t done for over a full year.

After that day, I’m going to try for 3-7 days without it (however long I can manage) and then a whole month. I know a tolerance break doesn’t have to be a month, only 3 weeks, but I just want to do that to save on money so that I don’t buy weed at all that month.

after that break, I’m going to try to reassess the entire way I use weed. It’ll be only for anxiety, socially (I no longer run into this often enough where it’d be a problem), and maybe recreationally at home with rules governing my frequency and amount of use.

I know that an addict saying they can control their use is like. not in touch with  reality. I also know that this is way better than me saying I intend to keep using as before.

🪤

I AM RABID. this version of scaramouche……. oh my oh my oh my OH MY orz i’m on my knees for him. \(//∇//)\ HE’S SOOOOO AAAAAAAAA

AND THEN CIRCUS SCARA??????

AND HACKER SCARA???????????

SUMMER SCARA AS WELL!!!!!

it’s a mouchey meal. i’m so not normal. i’m insane, in fact. OTL OTL OTL

the teething stage is the hardest part

me: ah yes, today i can finally get around to writing. game a bit. do that little diy project i've been wanting to get started

tumblr: hey you like clicking buttons right