all of you should be required to read ace by angela chen regardless of whether you’re acespec or not. it is so insightful about sexuality and romance in our culture and how the lack thereof is demonized/what we can learn from these experiences. so so good. omfg

open up a book before bed and immediately get assassinated by the dedication

Ok I’ve decided to try and finish two things for ace awareness week:

- the body pillow/ blanket I’m making w/ ace colored yarn

- Ace by Angela Chen. Reading has been a bit tough for me lately, but it’s a really good book so far!

Wish me luck! I only have one more ball of yarn left so it should be pretty easy to finish the blanket (I’m crocheting jumbo yarn), but I’m only two chapters into the book so I might not finish in the next three days

I finally got it and I've inhaled it in the last 24 hours. So many good things to think about and my favourite thing is the emphasis on there being no singular unifying 'ace experience' and that our community is stronger because of our differences. There is no one way to be Ace.

I had been feeling slightly lost in my identity since starting a kink based relationship. Because I still feel ace, but how can that work when i'm getting laid every 2 weeks? This book gave me the answer - it's the intimacy. The sex is not what i am desiring: it's the closeness, the physical contact, the trust, and wanting to deepen the connection with this person I have chosen. And I know at any point, I can say no, and he will not only respect that, but honour me. And I can say no, because I understand myself enough to know when to say it.

"Amatonormativity permeates more than TV shows and books. It is woven into our legal rights, creating forms of discrimination that become more and more apparent as people age. Romantic love within marriage confers privileges that other forms of devotion cannot, including over 1,100 laws that benefit married couples at the federal level. Spouses can share each other’s health insurance, as well as military, social security, and disability benefits. They can make medical decisions for each other. Companies grant bereavement leave for spouses, no questions asked, but there will be more hesitation if leave is requested for a mere friend. It is possible to marry a stranger and give them your health insurance but not possible to give health insurance to a parent...

Criteria based on sex made sense when the main purpose of marriage was to merge fortunes and produce children, but today...marriage is more about a match of devotion than a match of trade. In many cases, the point is no longer to create an heir and a spare. Plenty of married couples don’t have children (or sex, for that matter), and bad marriages with little caring are common...

Offering legal and social benefits only to the romantically attached suggests that the mere presence of romantic feeling elevates the care and deserves special protections, even though friendship and other forms of care, which can come with less obligation, can include more love, more freely given. Therefore, the legal and social privileges of marriage should be extended to all mutually consenting adults who wish for them...

'In terms of policy, marriage law really reaches into all areas of law, like tax and immigration and property,' ... 'It doesn’t matter if it’s different-sex only or same-sex marriage, so long as we restrict marriage to romantic and sexual partners we will ensure amatonormativity.' Reforming marriage law by abolishing it altogether or extending marriage-like rights to friends (to small groups or networks) is one way to eradicate discrimination."

Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

I don't even know how to begin to express how incredible and affirming Isaac's storyline was in the new heartstopper season (not surprising, given that Alice Oseman has written multiple ace-centric books), but like. wow

it was especially amazing seeing him pick up Ace by Angela Chen, which was extremely influential to me as well!! not to mention iconic aro ace book Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman. and Alice Oseman's Loveless is lurking around in the background all season, which is the BEST kind of cameo imo!

my aroace 101 presentation script is now available as a PDF for anyone who wants it! i've set it to Pay What You Want with a minimum of 0 dollar since i want it to be an accessible resource, but i did also work pretty hard on it so a little tip isn't unwelcome!

topics i cover:

- definitions of aromantic and asexual identities

- different types of attraction

- variety in ace & aro experiences

- challenges & stigma

- rethinking relationships

- allyship

it's 15 pages and 4.6k words!

“Aces aren't a puzzle with a missing piece. Everyone is their own full puzzle.”

Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

Finally got my hands on this. Very excited to read it

03 June 2023: LGBTQIA+ Pride

I spoke of longing and listened intently to stories of sexual adventures, and never did it occur to me that my friends and I might be using the language of desire differently. For them, a word like “hot” could indicate a physical pull of the type Jane had described. For me, “hot” conveyed an admiration of excellent bone structure.

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex (Angela Chen)

Wait, you're telling me that allos can be sexually attracted to people they find ugly?

"Many of us learn to desire by watching other people desire. We learn to desire George Clooney because People magazine says he’s the sexiest man alive; we want a beach body because of the constant marketing telling us that summer is only a few months away. In theory, mimetic desire can be perfectly fine. In practice, the world is not a neutral place. We are rarely surrounded by many types of people who represent many visions of life, free to pick the one that fits best. If you don’t know who you are or what you want, the world will decide for you. It will show you a couple of options and tell you those are the only ones...It takes active work to step back, to create even enough space to take a breath and admit that maybe you don’t know what you want, but what has been offered has never felt right."

-Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

okay. this book is NA which means it's going to be inevitably marketed as YA were i to ever pursue publishing for it. do you think this sort of content belongs in YA spaces? do you think there's room for conversations about this with younger audiences, or does this belong in adult fiction?

(content on consent derived from ace by angela chen, a 10/10 read)

Isaac Henderson: bi -> ACE (Heartstopper 2x3 Promise/ 2x8 Perfect, 2023)