#White cell Bong
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1: HOLE, Evergreen Lake, Colorado.
2: MyRo, accidentally photographed with my outdoor nighttime settings.
March 2024
#his full name is 'mykall romance'#after the uh#'after michael romance broke up they stuff frankie arrow into the bong and smoked him. sad! oh well theres other rhythm guitarists'#colorado#photography#cell phone photography#black and white photography#nature photography#winter aesthetic#winter nostalgia#fishing#animals#cats#cats of tumblr#cat pictures
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29 days to my 37th Bday Series
A Muscle Revolution
Here I am walking in to the newest shiniest gym on my block Hot & Sweaty the premier place.
The door swung open in excitement as the guards at the doors facial expression did not like to see me.
He rolled his eyes at my sight leading down the hall I am completely left in shock at the way people stared at me.
He delivers me to the main office to which the owner of the gym fakes smile welcoming me in to the room.
He shakes my hand towering over me by a few feet you can tell he wants to be over this soon enough.
His tower covers over everything I knew he is so much in heat from a text his girlfriend sent him.
“Hey let me show you around a bit.” The gym owner says to me.
“I am more enamored with you.” I state to him.
“What the hell are you ….” He attempts to say.
“Say cheese Flash” the dice in the palm of my hand goes off.
“Mwahahahahaha” I laugh so hard.
“Frozen in time of course.” I swear.
“This fine ass is about to get torn, “
“You can’t even stop me from feeling you.”
“You are mere puppet “
“In the end it won’t matter.”
“I will reshape you soon”
“Place this in the back of your ear”
“Yyyyyyeeeeeessssss”
“Go sit down, face me and begin processing “
“As you instruct “
I tap my fingers on to the desk watching his eyes go dark as it lights up in a bright color blowing away the dull.
Upon my instructions he calls in Enzo his top trainer in to the room he is quite the hottie by my standards.
His cell phone bong with a text message on his screen he sighs leaving the training area in a pissy move.
He slams the front door instantly the glory of the blinding light sweeps him in a white space.
He stood in the middle of the room with no way to react or escape as I sneak behind him.
Feeling him up I can see his eyes finally let go as two life drains away and he is empty shell.
Ryan awakens from his trance at the snap of my finger waking him up to stare lovingly in a mindless state.
I order him to drop his pants then play with himself as he grows harder and harder with a need to cum.
Returning to Enzo i begin to tell him to place the chip on his neck as the reprogramming is no active.
I smack no hard leaving him for a second minute to retrieve a chair shoving it behind him.
Pushing him on to the chair I reach for Ryan tone face cupping it in for a kiss and grab a pair of scissors.
Smirking with an evil grin I chip away at hid tight shirt seeing it shred then strip him of his belt as well.
“Naked as you are meant to be”
“Natural”
“Embrace the slavery “
“Fucker “
“Pussy bitch”
Mwahahahahaha “
“We can close the gym right now.”
“Yeah only two clients”
“Who are they?
“My financier”
“My business manager “
“I want both of them enslaved immediately “
“YES”
“Are you excited?”
“My cock is hard”
“My ass is tingling “
“Here it is play this song for me”
“Yes sire”
“What does this song do?”
“How does it work?”
“The song plays”
“The music makes them hard”
“Turned on”
“Causing the mind to swoon”
“They can’t stop “
“They dance “
“Freeing themselves”
“Sweating away there free will”
“Oh Master! My God!”
“We are mere Ken Dolls”
The end
The New Fantastic Four
It is a quarter to midnight as the sky falls in to a deep sea of blue with stars washing over the sky.
The skyline begins to shift accordingly spun in an array of craziness descending on the famed Fantastic Four campus.
The Baxter Building is excitingly a modern hub for the intelligent and the wealthy for many years.
As well as the home of all four members of the family riled awake by a loud sound that erupts.
I snuck in to the building through the doors on to the elevator past the guards in to Reed Richards Laboratory.
The alarm goes off as trip a laser trigger to my dismay I give up shaking my head as I can hear it.
The loud non imposing steps of Mr Fantastic races in to the laboratory his head stretches in to the room.
His body continues stretching at alarming rate to his head enlarged to unknown height rises above me.
He stares me down with an irate expression on his face I go for run taking a pencil by hand as kick in to his eyes.
His eyes watering with splits of blood gush through them hitting the floor I jump using the opportunity.
It is my time the only moment of opportunity is here, in a simple fashion I flip a coin up in to the air.
It slams on to the wall ricocheting from wall to another bouncing a thousand times fast or so insanely speeding to the lamp.
The lamp spins uncontrollably smacking him in the face he loses his balance falling back to the wall.
His back hits the wall as the ceiling walls up flowing both middles glasses sliding to the edges of the roof top.
A radiant light washes on to him like a multi color spectacle of light tracks him lifting him up in to an invisible container.
Reed losing his mind calms after a fashion in an effort to escape he scans the bubble in his device.
He starts to pound the bubble heavily hope it would crack or pop yet I watch at his tiny effort of using his genius being drained.
The Invisible Woman enters the scenario in a furious hot temper she is dressed in her hot pink pajamas.
“What did you to Reed? Who are you? You will release me.”
“Answer me immediately “
“He is preoccupied at the money and you will be joking him.”
“Stand back!”
“Go ahead “
“How can you accomplish this? Did you do damage?”
She is astonished to realize her powers have been extinguished to an appoint of no return she is at a loss of words.
“Unable to use your powers?”
“You bastard”
“Fool! You have no way to end this dilemma”
“Try as you might”
The whole building is in cased in a blanket of white light casing it blocking us through our vision.
The Human Torch Aka Johnny Storm flew in through the sky burning up with fire blasting in the room.
He blows in a bright boom floating over me but he has no idea when I click my fingers in the air.
A small black portal opens up a hole under him swooping him in he is thrush in to blight of darkness.
He drops in to a deep empty endless pocket dimension they fall endlessly to no end to his stubborn fight;
Flashes of super Images of his past shine on four massively wide screen surrounding his body.
“Did I slip out of time?”
“Stop Johnny!”
“I am not a dork like Reed”
“YUCK!! Sssspppssssshhhh”
“Focus Johnny”
“Most be another dimension “
“Oh Fuck!”
“Mwahahahahaha “
“Who are you?”
“Your future owner “
“Fuck no”
“Nnnnoooo”
“Mwahahahahaha…Spider-man”
“Peter Parker”
“You can’t fight me”
“STOP”
“I hate you “
“Why are you fighting me?”
“Spider sense”
“Tingling”
“Snap”
“Spidey on the wall”
“Splashing on the floor “
“Enslaved to me”
“Never to wake up again”
“You are the new leader so team assemble”
“Mwahahahahaha “
“Yes Master”
The end
#ryan reynolds#cristiano ronaldo#tom ellis#frank grillo#john krasinski#mr. fantastic#jessica alba#invisible woman#chris evans#the human torch#tom holland#spider man#mind control#hypnosis#hypno slave#hypno submission#reprogramming
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yes yes the porn, the gay porn no you fuckers cant understand what its like. stupid t4t tumblr posts about his sweet honeyed soft pussy walls and pillowy skin. cant fuckin understand what its like to us. me and my gamer boyfriend are men and he talks to me so gently. were strong males with rock hard abs and fuck eachother in leather skirts with buttons on them and i will run my hand through his sticky hair white with semen. poetry means nothing to me. i could care less about your stupid fucking top surgical scars with the little pattern on them. you mean nothing to me and you will never be a bong in my pants like he is. useless stupid idiots all misunderstanding. gay porn isnt for you, its for us to spin into a shimmering golden blanket like king midases daughter spun gold from the hay in her holding cell. you couldnt understand what we have together.
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What does marijuana do to your lungs
Marijuana
The wellbeing impacts are not entirely set in stone to a great extent by how it's consumed. Pot is most usually smoked utilising pipes, bongs, paper-wrapped joints, dulls and different gadgets including those that intensity or disintegrate cannabis. Weed can likewise be consumed through many various items including e-cigarettes, candy, brownies and other heated merchandise, containers, refreshments and some more.
While this assertion centres around pot and lung wellbeing, it's critical to take note of that there are other wellbeing worries outside the lungs credited to maryjane utilise that are not tended to here, including neurological and mental effects.
Also, there are critical general wellbeing concerns related with paediatric poisonings brought about by inadvertent ingestion of palatable maryjane products.
Pot Smoke
Smoke is destructive to lung wellbeing. Whether from consuming wood, tobacco or pot, poisons and cancer-causing agents are set free from the ignition of materials. Smoke from pot ignition has been displayed to contain a considerable lot of similar poisons, aggravations and cancer-causing agents as tobacco smoke.
Past exactly what's in the smoke alone, maryjane is commonly smoked uniquely in contrast to tobacco. Cannabis smokers will quite often breathe in more profoundly and pause their breathing longer than cigarette smokers, which prompts a more noteworthy openness for every breath to start.
Handed down maryjane smoke contains a large number of similar poisons and cancer-causing agents found straightforwardly breathed in pot smoke, in comparative sums if not more. While there is no information on the wellbeing results of breathing handed down cannabis smoke, there is worry that it could cause unsafe wellbeing impacts, particularly among weak kids in the home. Extra exploration on the wellbeing impacts of handed down maryjane smoke is required.
Lung Wellbeing and Cannabis Smoke
Partaking in a pot plainly harms the human lung. Research shows that partaking in pot causes constant bronchitis and pot smoke has been displayed to harm the cell linings of the enormous aviation routes, which could make sense of why partaking in maryjane prompts side effects, for example, ongoing hack, mucus creation, wheeze and intense bronchitis.
Partaking in cannabis has likewise been connected to instances of air in the middle of between the two lungs and between the lungs and the chest wall, as well as huge air rises in the lungs among youthful to moderately aged grown-ups, for the most part weighty smokers of pot.
In any case, it's unrealistic to lay out whether these happen more much of the time among pot smokers than the general population.
Partaking in pot can hurt something other than the lungs and respiratory framework — it can likewise influence the resistant framework and the body's capacity to battle illness, particularly for those whose safe frameworks are now debilitated from immunosuppressive medications or sicknesses, for example, HIV infection.
Partaking in maryjane harms the lungs' most memorable line of protection against contamination by killing cells that assist with eliminating residue and microorganisms as well as making more bodily fluid be framed. Furthermore, it additionally smothers the safe framework. These impacts could prompt an expanded gamble of lower respiratory parcel contaminations among cannabis smokers, despite the fact that there is no obvious proof of such genuine diseases being more normal among pot smokers. In any case, regular maryjane just smokers have more medical services visits for respiratory circumstances contrasted with nonsmokers.
Studies have shown that partaking in pot might build the gamble of artful contaminations among the people who are HIV positive, in spite of the fact that it doesn't appear to influence the improvement of Helps or lower white cell counts.
One more likely danger to those with debilitated resistant frameworks is Aspergillus, a shape that can cause lung problems. It can develop on maryjane, which on the off chance that, smoked opens the lungs to this fungus. Nonetheless, it seldom creates issues in individuals with solid safe frameworks.
"Vaping" Marijuana
There is generally a secret on the potential lung wellbeing impacts of breathing in marijuana or items produced using it through courses other than smoking. Be that as it may:
Utilisation of "vape-pens" to breathe in marijuana concentrates or fluids might have comparable respiratory wellbeing impacts as e-cigarette use.
"Spotting" (breathing in streak disintegrated pot concentrates) may likewise lead to respiratory issues.
Clinical Marijuana
The American Lung Affiliation empowers proceeded with examination into the wellbeing impacts of marijuana use, as the advantages, dangers and security of marijuana use for clinical purposes require further review. Patients considering involving marijuana for restorative purposes ought to pursue this choice in discussion with their primary care physician, and consider methods for organization other than smoking.
Primary concern
Partaking in marijuana plainly harms the human lung, and ordinary use prompts constant bronchitis and can make a resistant compromised individual be more helpless to lung diseases.
Nobody ought to be presented with marijuana smoke.
Because of the dangers it poses to lung wellbeing, the American Lung Affiliation emphatically alerts people in general against partaking in marijuana as well as tobacco items.
More examination is required into the impacts of marijuana on wellbeing, particularly lung wellbeing.
Like smoking tobacco, partaking in weed or marijuana can likewise damagingly affect the lungs, in spite of the fact that examination regarding the matter isn't as obvious.
Smoking is one of the greatest dangers to lung wellbeing. The Habitats for Infectious prevention and Anticipation (CDC)Trusted Source report that cigarette smoking is answerable for more than 480,000 passes in the US every year.
Smoking cigarettes can have various pessimistic consequences for an individual's lungs. These include:
changing the capability of the lungs
affecting the lungs' design
expanding the gamble of various serious ailments, including malignant growth
Smoking marijuana can likewise harm the lungs. This in light of the fact that the smoke from pot contains a significant number of similar poisons, aggravations, and cancer-causing agents as tobacco smoke.
In this article, we check out the impacts of smoking pot on the lungs and contrast them with the impacts of smoking tobacco.
The impacts of smoking pot on the lungs
There is blended proof on the impacts of pot smoke on the lungs. This is a direct result of an overall absence of writing joined with simultaneous tobacco smoking and the reports of clashing results.
Hacking and sputum
One review expresses that pot smoke can cause side effects, like expanded hacking and sputum creation, like those found in individuals who smoke tobacco.
One more review expresses that the recurrence of persistent hack, sputum, and wheezing was comparative between pot smokers and tobacco smokers.
The American Lung Affiliation expresses that these side effects emerge because of pot smoke harming the cell linings of the enormous aviation routes.
Bronchitis
Expanding and aggravation in the bronchial cylinders cause bronchitis. Intense bronchitis for the most part clears up all alone, while constant bronchitis is persevering and might very well never disappear.
An individual with this condition typically encounters the underneath side effects:
hacking
wheezing while relax
trouble relaxing
The American Lung Affiliation says that weed smoke can make an individual foster persistent bronchitis. likewise expressed that smoking weed has side effects of ongoing bronchitis.
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New Short Story Series Draft
An Original Short Story
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Episode 1: The Pilot
We open to a scene of a girl with unsettling pale skin alone. She seems to be thinking deeply, as if grasping for understanding yet still coming up clueless. She was familiar with this feeling, considering how she wound up in this treacherous temple prison. But this isn’t as interesting and action-packed as the 12 hours leading up to her boring imprisonment. Let’s rewind a bit…
No less than 12 hours earlier
We find Lydia taking the fattest rip of some antique glass piece that she once heard referred to as a “bong” amongst many other odd names. She was curled up watching the latest episode of RuPaul's Intergalactic Drag Race season 134.
“Slay Ru, she doesn't look a day over 120. I bet it’s all that imported space clay that keeps her skin ageless”, she said once she got her coughing under control, there were a couple of tears welling up in her eyes. “Damn”. A raspy mewling rose from the pile of blankets she was nestled in as if in response.
Mr. Pitter Patter Ph.D. (Pat for short) emerged from his den of fabric. Lydia promptly picked him up like a large malleable infant and cradled him in her lap. She pressed her nose onto the scraggly fur on the back of his neck; her favorite thing in the whole Celestrial Triad was how he smelled post-nap. The scent was somewhere in between crisp autumn leave and cigarette smoke.
A distinct pinging emits from Lydia’s communication cell, and without looking she knew what was displayed on the screen.
Galactic Grocery Job
Planet Meiborg
(0.5 lightyears away)
She read, then reread the notification as she bit her lip.
“Just around the corner and I'm running low on Zeerios”, she muttered. Space Cash had been tight lately, and it was only partially her fault this time. Lately, Pat was spiraling down one of his addiction rabbit holes. Currently, he was smoking 2 packs of retro Space Melbournes and receiving daily packages from Glam-a-sun. She really needed to make some quick cash.
“Pat grab your new goggles, new space jacket, and your lucky space socks, we just picked up a job”
He responded with a stony glare.
***
A white Prius Jet, well one that was white and now had faded into a faint grey, zips past some minor stars and galaxies.
They were absolutely bumping to the classics of Sir Elton John on their route to the grocery store. One of Lydia’s bucket list items was to see him in a live hologram concert someday, even though she would never be able to pay for that.
Between songs, she lowers the volume low enough that they could barely hear the elegant melodies floating through the speakers. Lydia had been meaning to talk to Pat about his many addictions that came and went like the 7 seasons of her home planet, and now seemed like the right time for such a conversation. He had just woken from a heavy 6-hour nap and was cheerfully purring as he sprawled across his heated seat of the Prius.
“I’ve been thinking lately that we should try to cut down on how much money we spend for certain things, things that we don’t especially need…”
Pat's black slivered irises slid to land on her, skeptical but allowing her to continue.
“... Like I gave up getting coffee every day because I couldn't afford to support that addiction.”
At this, Pat sprung to his fluffy paws, and his yellow eyes seemed to burn from behind. Lydia knew she had fucked up. Why would she choose a small confined space to agitate this tiny demon, one who only had two modes lately: drowsy fur ball or tornado of fluff and claws. It was obvious that she had flipped the switch. In an instant, she had her arms covering her face and head, somewhat grateful for her long sleeves. Pat whirred around the enclosed cab, scratching the ceiling and running across the dash. I need to invest in a sturdy leash for him, mused Lydia to herself amidst the chaos.
Before she could reflect on the situation she had gotten herself into, the world around her lurched, then began to glitch as if she was switching between satellites on her TV. And her vision began to cloud.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
#short story#original story#my writing#creative writing#writeblr#original character#storytelling#First Draft#tumblr writers#writing#writers of tumblr
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Top 4 phương pháp làm trắng da hiệu quả hiện nay có thể bạn chưa biết
Những đối tượng nào cần các phương pháp làm trắng da?
Đầu tiên, chúng ta có thể kể đến các tệp người có tính chất công việc phải tiếp xúc nhiều với ánh nắng mặt trời (thường xuyên đi gặp đối tác, quản lý khu vực F&B…) và các công việc cần phải di chuyển thường xuyên.
Thứ hai, đó là các chị em không may mắn có được nước da trắng sáng, sở hữu nước da tối, sạm màu và rất dễ bị tăng sắc tố da mỗi khi tiếp xúc với tia UV dù không thường xuyên di chuyển ngoài nhiệt độ nắng nóng.
Những phương pháp làm trắng da mang lại hiệu quả cao hiện nay
Làm trắng da với phương pháp truyền (tiêm) trắng
Truyền (tiêm) trắng da là phương pháp dẫn truyền trực tiếp các loại dưỡng chất làm trắng da vào máu nhằm phân giải sắc tố của tế bào melanin, giúp làn da được trắng sáng hơn.
Ngoài làm trắng ra thì phương pháp này còn làm chậm quá trình lão hoá, giúp nuôi dưỡng và tái tạo tế bào cho da tươi trẻ hơn. Các tế bào chết, mụn, tế bào bong tróc do da khô cũng được loại bỏ nhiều cũng được hạn chế trong nhiều phương pháp tuyên truyền trắng da.
Có 2 loại truyền da trắng phổ biến hiện nay: đó là tiêm truyền trắng vitamin C và tiêm truyền trắng Glutathione.
Tiêm truyền trắng vitamin C
Tiêm truyền trắng vitamin C là phương pháp tiêm vitamin C trực tiếp vào cơ thể với mục đích làm trắng da nhanh, mờ nám, mờ những vùng da bị sạm, khiến làn da trẻ trung và hết sần sùi, thô ráp.
Tiêm truyền tắm trắng Glutathione
Glutathione được tổng hợp nên từ 3 loại amin bao gồm: cysteine, glutamic và glycine. Chúng đóng nhiều vai trò quan trọng không thể thiếu trong cơ thể: chất chống oxy hóa mạnh nhất cơ thể, chất hút độc thải độc, vệ sĩ của hệ miễn dịch. Phương pháp này với ứng dụng chủ yếu là tăng sức đề kháng của cơ thể và trắng da chỉ là tác dụng thứ yếu của nó nhưng được ứng dụng rất phổ biến.
Làm trắng da với phương pháp truyền tắm trắng
Các phương pháp tắm trắng bằng công nghệ cao, sử dụng chất liệu tự nhiên thường chứa những dưỡng chất cần thiết cho cơ thể như vitamin, gluthathiol, protein… có tác dụng phục hồi, tái tạo tế bào cho làn da khỏe mạnh từ bên trong.
Ngoài ra tắm trắng bằng công nghệ cao còn cung cấp oxy tươi cho da, tăng cường thải độc cho lớp biểu bì. Đồng thời làm suy giảm độc tố cho các tế bào ở tầng hạ bì và hạn chế sự hình thành gốc tự do là nguyên nhân gây ra lão hoá da. Nhiều phương pháp tắm trắng còn mang đến công dụng kích thích sản sinh collagen giúp nuôi dưỡng làn da trắng hồng, tươi trẻ từ bên trong.
Một số công nghệ tắm trắng hiện nay được biết đến nhiều như:
Công nghệ White Herbs
Công nghệ Phun nano
Tắm trắng công nghệ Swiss Cell 24k
Công nghệ Bio Light 4D
Công nghệ tắm trắng Spa của Pháp
Công nghệ Babyskin laser
Tắm trắng thuốc bắc
Những người phát triển phương pháp làm trắng da này cho rằng những thảo dược quý mà chúng ta dùng để tắm hay massage sẽ thấm vào da nhờ đó mang lại hiệu quả trắng sáng.
Quả thực thì sau khi tắm bằng các loại bột thảo dược, các bạn sẽ thấy được sự thay đổi trên làn da của mình ngay lập tức, dù sự thay đổi không đáng kể. Sự thay đổi đó chính là các bạn sẽ thấy da của mình trở nên mịn màng hơn và sáng lên một chút, lý do bạn thấy được kết quả như vậy là do các bạn vừa loại bỏ được một lớp da chết sần sùi trên da mình đấy.
Những cách tắm trắng theo phương pháp này, các bạn có thể dễ dàng tìm thấy qua các video trên youtube hoặc internet với những cụm từ tìm kiếm như:
Cách làm trắng da bằng cám gạo
Cách làm trắng da bằng đậu đỏ
Cách làm trắng da bằng yến mạch
Cách làm trắng da bằng sữa chua…
Tóm lại ở phương pháp này đó chính là tẩy da chết vật lý và cung cấp dưỡng chất cho da trong lúc tắm.
Làm trắng da với phương pháp sử dụng kem dưỡng trắng da
Kem dưỡng trắng da là một trong các lựa chọn phổ biến cho chị em. Phái đẹp thường rất chuộng việc sử dụng kem dưỡng da hằng ngày để nuôi dưỡng và chăm sóc da, phương pháp này ít tốn kém hơn các phương pháp trên và tiết kiệm được thời gian và công sức. Chính vì thế, hiện nay các sản phẩm kem dưỡng trắng da đã ra đời ngày một nhiều, đem lại sự tự tin và vẻ đẹp làn da cho chị em.
Khi sử dụng sản phẩm dưỡng trắng, da của bạn sẽ bật tông lên hằng ngày, các vết thâm nám, sạm trên da ngày một mờ đi và được ngăn ngừa một cách hiệu quả và lâu dài.
Khi duy trì sử dụng các sản phẩm kem dưỡng trắng da thường xuyên giúp da luôn đủ ẩm, da căng mềm và sáng mịn hơn. Các nếp nhăn dần biến mất, làn da trở nên đàn hồi hơn và đầy sức sống, giữ mãi độ tươi trẻ cho da.
Nâng cấp làn da mỗi ngày cùng kem face trắng hồng HM Store
Làn da là thứ quyết định tuổi của bạn chứ không phải con số, nếu như bạn vẫn chưa biết loại kem dưỡng nào phù hợp với bạn, thì hãy trang bị ngay một bé kem face trắng hồng đến từ nhà HM Store nâng niu và chăm sóc làn da mỗi ngày bạn nhé.
Công dụng của kem face trắng hồng nhà HM Store:
Kết hợp thu nhỏ lỗ chân lông, làm căng da hiệu quả. Đẩy lùi quá trình lão hoá, trẻ hoá làn da.
Không bào mòn, không tẩy da, giúp da đẹp khỏe từ gốc, bảo vệ da khỏi các tác nhân xấu từ môi trường.
Cung cấp độ ẩm và các dưỡng chất cần thiết cho da, tạo nên một làn da khỏe mạnh và săn chắc, không dễ bị tác động bởi các yếu tố từ môi trường.
“Nhất dáng, nhì da”, đừng quên làn da là thứ rất quan trọng và là nơi mà mọi người nhìn đầu tiên và nhiều nhất khi tiếp xúc với mình. Thế nên, hãy giữ cho mình một làn da khỏe đẹp và tràn đầy sức sống để luôn tự tin, rạng ngời sắc thái bạn nhé. Còn chần chừ gì nữa? Hãy bắt tay chăm sóc để nâng cấp làn da bạn lên một tầm vóc mới nào.
Có thể bạn quan tâm:
Bạn đã biết cách chống lão hoá cho da chưa?
Các bước chăm sóc da mặt mỗi ngày bạn nên biết
Tác dụng của collagen đối với làn da
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Cakhia Television Trực Tiếp Bóng Đá
đội hình napoli lượng mượt mà và ít khi làm gián đoạn các trận bóng mà bạn xem. Nhấn vào hyperlink là bạn sẽ ngay lập tức truy cập được vào CaKhiaTV. CaKhia TV vẫn luôn nhận được sự tin yêu và lựa chọn là địa chỉ xem hàng đầu của nhiều khán giả. Hoặc bạn cũng có thể thoát khỏi trang Cà Khịa TV và truy cập lại.
Mặc dù hiện nay các giải bóng đá đang có rất nhiều biến động do dịch bệnh vẫn còn hoành hành nhưng 90Phut TV vẫn trực tiếp cho các bạn một cách đều đặn nhất. Trang xem bóng đá trực tiếp HD XoivoTV có thể tương thích với cả thiết bị cell và máy tính nên bạn có thể xem trực tiếp các trận đấu trên cả 2 thiết bị này. Ngoài ra, các thiết bị khác như Ipad hay các thiết bị thông minh cũng có thể xem trực tiếp bóng đá trên Xoivo TV. Không những thế Ace Stream hoàn toàn miễn phí, thân thiện với người sử dụng và được dùng rất phổ biến tại Việt Nam. Cakhia Tivi luôn mong muốn mang đến chất lượng tốt nhất cùng những trận đấu bóng đá hấp dẫn nhất, đầy cảm xúc nhất cho người xem. Vì lẽ đó, thông thường hyperlink trực tiếp tại trang Cakhia.TV bóng đá sẽ được cập nhật sớm khoảng 1 tiếng trước giờ đấu.
Cũng chính vì những điểm cộng đó, đã khiến cho kênh Cakhia link xem trực tiếp bóng đá tốc độ cao ngày một có tiếng tăm vang xa, ngày càng được đông đảo người chọn xem. Với mục đích hoạt động phi lợi nhuận, nên người dùng khi truy cập vào trang net 90Phut TV sẽ không phải chi trả bất cứ khoản phí nào. 90p TV hướng tới mục tiêu xây dựng và phát triển thành một chuyên trang tường thuật trực tiếp bóng đá online miễn phí chất lượng tốt nhất Việt Nam. Chính vì thế các bạn có thể hoàn toàn yên tâm khi xem bóng đá hoặc tham khảo thông tin liên quan đến bóng đá tại đây. Có rất nhiều cách để xem bóng đá trực tuyến trên máy tính, laptop hay điện thoại như sử dụng App hay truy cập các web site trực tiếp bóng đá ... Chỉ cần một đường truyền web đủ mạnh không bị ngắt quãng là bạn có thể thưởng thức trọn vẹn những trận đấu đỉnh cao.
Cũng như rất nhiều trang web khác, trực tiếp bóng đá 90Phut.television ra đời với mong muốn tất cả mọi người đều có thể được xem bóng đá với chất lượng đỉnh cao hoàn toàn miễn phí. Bạn hãy đổi sang những link dự phòng xem trực tiếp ở trên mà chúng tôi tổng hợp để không bị gián đoạn việc xem các trận đấu bóng đá trực tuyến. Tìm hiểu về chất lượng của kênh Xôi Vò TV Trực Tiếp Bóng Đá như thế nào mới nhất hiện nay là chủ đề trong nội dung hôm nay của 9kiem.vn. Xôi Vò TV hay XoivoTV là một web site chuyên về trực tiếp bóng đá có số lượng người dùng rất đông đảo.
Nếu vẫn không tải được file, bạn hãy xem lại thiết lập tường lửa trên máy tính của mình. Link; Xem truc tiep bong da vo dich chau Au Cà khịa TV; Truc tiep bong da Euro hom nay Cakhia Tivi; Bongdatructuyen VCK Euro không chặn Cà ... Trên web site gắn rất nhiều banner quảng cáo nhấp nháy khiến người xem cảm thấy rối mắt. Tốc độ load trang mượt mà và ổn định khiến 90 phút xem không bị ngắt quãng, làm mất cảm hứng của người xem.
Sau khoảng thời gian dài theo dõi Ben White, MU được cho đã quyết định tiến hành chiêu mộ trung vệ của Brighton. Tuy nhiên, phía Brighton từng định giá cầu thủ này lên tới 50 triệu bảng. MU hiện tại đang đứng thứ 7 tại giải Ngoại hạng và vừa phải xuống chơi ở Europa League sau trận thua 2-3 trước Leipzig hồi giữa tuần. Nếu tỷ số là 3-3, MU có thể thể hiện cá tính và tinh thần của mình. Những tin tức tình báo đang làm dấy lên lo ngại về việc Nga chuẩn bị cho một cuộc chiến tại biên giới với Ukraine. Trước mối đe dọa về làn sóng Covid-19 mới, giới nghiên cứu kinh tế đã thận trọng xem lại các dự báo về tăng trưởng toàn cầu.
Trong buổi phỏng vấn với Transfer Window Podcast, chuyên gia Duncan Castles cũng nói về điều này. Haaland đang được coi là một trong những cầu thủ trẻ xuất sắc nhất tại châu Âu. Anh đã ghi được 33 bàn sau 26 lần ra sân kể từ khi gia nhập Dortmund vào tháng 1 đầu năm. Thượng đỉnh Nga-Mỹ diễn ra trong không khí không thù địch nhau nhưng cũng không thân thiện. Điều khiến thiên hạ bất ngờ và có phần sửng sốt ở AUKUS là việc Mỹ chia sẻ công nghệ chế tạo tầu ngầm hạt nhân cho Australia. Riêng dưới thời huấn luyện viên Park Hang-seo, đội tuyển Việt Nam đang có thành tích bất bại trước tuyển Malaysia với three trận thắng và 1 trận hòa.
Sau đó hệ thống sẽ chuyển sang danh sách các giải đấu đang trực tiếp hoặc sắp trình chiếu. Các bạn hãy lựa chọn trận đấu mà mình muốn xem và nhấn vào biểu tượng của trận đấu đó là được. ty so napoli giúp người xem đạt cảm xúc trọn vẹn nhất, CaKhia TV còn cung cấp tính năng bình luận ở mọi trận đấu. Chỉ cần bạn sở hữu cho mình một thiết bị điện tử thông minh có kết nối mạng internet là đã có thể ngay lập tức truy cập vào Cakhia TV trải nghiệm mọi trận bóng lớn nhỏ diễn ra trên toàn quốc.
#câu lạc bộ napoli#đội hình napoli#đội hình everton 2020#tỷ số napoli#ket qua napoli#ty so napoli#ket qua bong da napoli#kết quả tỷ số napoli
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A Retrospective Film Tier Ranking 2020-2021: COVID Killed Cinema (And My Concentration)
Hey!
I would use the “surprise, bitch!” meme here since the last time I did a film tier ranking was FEBRUARY of TWENTY-fucking-TWENTY, but I think I’ve overdone that one a bit, so I’ll instead insert a good old Jonathan Van Ness gif here:
I’m finally back at it with a 2020/2021 film retrospective and ranking everything I’ve seen over the past 2 years in the format of choice for all !!very!! prolific film critics: by tiers. The way I’m not sat on the Oscars selection committee yet? Disgraceful. Let’s call it what it is, discrimination against those of us who enjoyed Jared Leto in House of Gucci.
No, but in all seriousness, my attention span is so awful recently it is near impossible for me to actually sit still long enough to watch a whole film and the last few times I’ve been to the cinema I’ve ate too much before and ended up falling asleep. Maybe I enjoyed Jared Leto so much because I dozed off at two very crucial points of HoG and didn’t need to necessarily understand what I missed to be entertained by the concept of Luigi (or Mario? Can’t remember which of the brothers it was he was channelling in that film, just that the Italian plumber vibes were cranked up to a thousand) on crack. But anyway, the combination of this & COVID putting so many releases on hold means that I didn’t get through anywhere near as many films as I usually do. For that reason, I thought I’d combine the past 2 years into one post. As a reminder, I’m NOT a film critic-my opinions can be trash so don’t put too much stock in them. Put stock in the Letterboxd screen caps I’m going to include xo
I think based on the fact that this is 2 years worth of films and it’s going to take me an age to write, I’ll probably try and break it down into four parts or so, and that way I can post other content in between as well. I have this thing about not wanting to upload too many photo heavy posts consecutively because it ends up looking a bit messy. Satisfying my anal retentiveness is a depressingly fruitless goal at work given that customers tend to treat convenience stores like bomb sites (no, the biscuit shelf is NOT in fact a portal through which the tub of ice cream you just left on it can travel back to the freezer, Sharon! Can you believe?), so every other thing in my life has to be my outlet to do that, okay? I’ve also sorted the films into tiers from a chronological list so that’s kinda the order this will go in, i.e the first 25 films I watched in 2021 sorted into God tier, good tier, shit tier and so on. Now, to use a phrase which shows I’ve been listening to way too much My Favourite Murder lately, that’s housekeeping out of the way! So let’s act like a middle aged white man and rock and roll, starting with some positivity (though don’t be fooled, putting my God tier first is not about “good vibes only”, it’s about saving the best til last because God knows we all love a scathing review).
GOD TIER
Parasite (Bong Joon-ho, 2019)
Writing this post and looking back on my list I was like “there’s no fucking way Parasite came out in 2020” but it did here in the UK and JESUS CHRIST DOES THAT NOT JUST DRIVE HOME HOW LONG THIS COVID SHIT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR. Before I get into the movie itself though, can we just reminisce on this Bong Joon-ho moment:
That’s some real king shit right there.
But I’m gonna go the extra mile and drag people who DO watch foreign language films with American dubbing too. Those who have difficulties with reading and forego subtitles for that reason, this isn’t aimed at you. This is aimed at anyone who thinks American voice actors ADD to a production, to whom I really must ask: are you okay? At at which point in your life was it that you stubbed your toe so hard or something that the blood rushing to it triggered a freak aneurysm, suffocating the cells of the neural pathway up in your brain responsible for TASTE? I’m sorry but forget COVID, nobody kills a movie like a cast of American voice actors. Doing the absolute most with the inappropriate tonal shifts, the unnecessary volume, the arbitrary inflections, if you’ve seen too many of them you know exactly what I mean. I know they want to get their coin but can we tone it down a little!? They go in channelling Sharpay and Ryan performing Bop to the Top on the most basic of lines. And for what? For whom?
But to the point, *SPOILERS* Parasite does live up to all the hype imo. I heard so much about this film and fortunately, wasn’t disappointed by the narrative shift like I had kinda prepared myself to be, given I knew there was something a bit wild coming. I wouldn’t call the revelation about the ex-housekeeper and her husband living in the basement a twist so much as a realisation of…oh shit, now where is this story gonna go? moment and I don’t think Bong Joon-Ho meant it to be any received any differently. I think people in the marketing industry have this misconception that banging on about a piece of media having a big “crazy twist” helps sell it, or that abrupt narrative shifts are always what the audience want, but it’s so off-putting to me, knowing that I can’t necessarily take what I’m reading or watching at face value. Seriously, it’s a huge detriment to the writer to have the audience go in needing to feel emotionally manipulated by the end of a book or film or whatever to decide that they’ve enjoyed it, and just results in them not necessarily caring about all the content in the run up to the “let down” where the actual meat of a narrative is. So publicists, PR firms, “branding” experts please: STOP USING “TWISTS” AS A SELLING POINT. PLEASE. YOU ARE SETTING PEOPLE UP TO FAIL AND ENCOURAGING NONSENSICAL WRITING. JUST STOP IT. A plot device like that is good when you don’t know it’s coming, like the effectiveness of it entirely relies on the reader/viewer being lured in by a false sense of security and that literally cannot happen when you warn that reader/viewer in advance that all is not as it seems. I’d heard so much about Parasite and how it was going to “blow my mind” already that I was pleasantly surprised when it didn’t feel like a change of pace for the sake of shock value. What we find out does blow your mind but less in a “I can’t believe it” way and more of a “wait, what the fuck?” kind of way, as you do the mental gymnastics to try and fit this new information into what you already know, whilst also feeling like in the wider context of the film, it makes perfect sense.
Specific spoilers though, that shot of the housekeeper’s husband walking up the stairs in the dark is a lot creepier than 90% of most new horror releases nowadays, am I right? Horror fans go on about the tall man scene in It Follows but this scene in Parasite fell right in the peak? Trough? Whatever you call the point in the uncanny valley that hits the spot, that moment basically landed right there for me.
1917 (Sam Mendes, 2019)
I’m not really a person who cares for war films tbh. Unfortunately, their tendency to glorify what happened in WW1 and two, and paint the British soldiers out to be these fearless, invincible heroes who willingly threw themselves on the sword, definitely has a part to play the mentality of Steve down the local in 2022 who thinks it gives him the right to be racist about his Pakistani neighbours on the basis that “OUR COUNTRY FOUGHT AGAINST HITLER! YOUR GENERATION WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND THE SACRIFICE!” and play it like some kind of moral trump card any time anybody below the age of 30 dares to criticise any of the horrific things that have been done by our country. Most past dramatisations of war tend to build on this mythological Britain=self-sacrificing moral good, any other foreign country=barbarian and corrupt version of events that completely undermines the complexity of such situations. I’m sorry, but it has to be said; the irritated ex-history student needs to be allowed out of her cage every once in a while.
Amongst some beautiful shots, painfully realistic gore, and incredible, incredible acting, however (fr, I felt these boys’ FEAR), 1917 managed to capture the horrifyingly vile nature of war and drive home the tragedy that these were literally just boys, on both sides, forced to fight for survival by far-removed, privileged politicians who didn’t give a fuck about them. Nobody fought til the end as some grand act of bravery, but because they had no choice. They were filthy and exhausted and hunger games-ing their way through what was essentially a fairground of trauma with the expectation that they would die at some point or another and hoping for nothing but a not-so-painful one where they weren’t alone. They were doing all they could to avoid death, and the only escape was forward. That was the reality of the situation.
1917 also had one of my favourite scores since Interstellar, both of which had me in tears at multiple points despite neither sci-fi nor war films being a genre I lean towards; crying over WW1 in an Odeon was definitely not on my 2020 checklist but then I suppose neither was a worldwide pandemic sooo a year of firsts, I suppose. I think the thing about both these films is that regardless of genre, they're primarily about the connections between people, Interstellar obviously being about family but 1917 about how these young men were routinely bonding with each other in the worst conditions just to be ripped apart in the most senseless way, and still doing it over and over again because that was the sole thing that helped them retain their sense of humanity. That’s right, Steve. Not because they had some vision of some globally dominant, ethnically pure England to fight for. Though to be honest, I’m sure the film’s reminder that there were in fact Sikh Indian men forced to fight too probably would’ve sent a significant proportion of the “EVERYONE IS SO SENSITIVE THESE DAYS! WORLD’S GONE MAD! PC, WOKE, LEFTY MADNESS” lot running out the cinema faster than you can say Gregg’s vegan sausage roll, frothing at the mouth to tweet about how “forced and unnecessary” it was to see a brown man on screen in an EnGliSH FiLm AbOUt EnGli!!Sh VaLues-I think what Sam Mendes was trying to communicate would’ve been lost on them anyway. There’s also probably a lot of people who turned their nose up at 1917 who’d enjoy it if they gave it a chance. I remember a lot of film Twitter accounts being irritated by the amount of praise and nominations 1917 got at awards season like “ANOTHER WAR FILM!?!?!” And yes, I get it, but also, have they watched it? Because it would seem completely unjust for Sam Mendes and his crew and cast’s work to go unrecognised.
Jojo Rabbit (Taika Waititi, 2019)
Jojo Rabbit was SUCH a fucking good film, the first I’d seen at the cinema in a long time to provoke such a wild range of emotions. It is a shining example of the fact that nothing is above parody WHEN IT’S WELL DONE and not just for the sake of shock value. I smiled and laughed, which is saying something considering the leads were child actors and they usually get old for me very quickly. I even cried a little too. 2020 was a rough year for us all, okay!? The pacing was on point, the balance between humour and heartfelt moments was exactly right, and I do think it had some very valuable lessons in it, reminding us that with enough ambivalence and uncertainty and a lack of exposure to alternative points of view, propaganda can brainwash a person without a bad bone in their body into a fervent Hitler-loving Nazi. These things are so layered, and as with 1917, I appreciate a film that communicates this. The idea that we fight wars against evil armies of soldiers who purely on the basis of the nationality they fight for must be wired in a way fundamentally different to us, that are born with some absence of empathy or rationality which fuels their decision to fight, is why you get Russian people who have emigrated literally to get away from Putin’s regime being attacked as if they too have a level of culpability in something they have no control over. Jojo Rabbit reminds you that those young boys who idolised Hitler weren’t evil people by choice-they were doing or believing awful things based on principles they’d been taught were the objectively correct way to understand the world around them, and that it was typically only when confronted with the actual world, when they witnessed it violate those principles, that the propaganda induced haze would lift.
I must have said this a lot of times because I think it in whichever film I see her in and always feel the need to preface stating it by acknowledging her otherwise questionable decisions anyway: yes, Scarlett Johansson hasn’t proven during her time in the public eye to be…how do I say it? The most considerate or socially aware person, I suppose? Buuut…if we ignore that for a minute and pretend she at least had a decent publicist to tell her that sometimes she’d be better off refusing to comment, I can say I really loved her in this. I’m just gonna express I like her performances with my chest from now on. Saying you admire a person’s acting!!! abilities!!!! shouldn't need to come with the caveat that you don’t, in fact, think they’re a flawless human being. Her character in Jojo Rabbit was such a joy-that vibrant, whimsical quality of the character she managed to convey played a huge part in transporting you into the mindset of Jojo. She was the perfect fit for the all-knowing but all-good semi-ethereal being that encapsulates the way you see your parents at that age. It’s a great cue for the audience to fall back into that child-like perspective of the world, and that’s where the magic of this story lies, how Taika managed to infuse humour into a story set in Nazi Germany ffs in a way that worked for most people.
Bliss (Joe Begos, 2019)
Given a relatively slow start (I remember being sat there at the beginning of the film and being like, is this it?), once the horror bassline drops in Bliss, it’s trippy, gritty, gory, gorgeous chaos from there on out, with no reprieve til you get to the end and, in keeping with the theme I suppose, all the life is sucked out of you. In a good way, though. Like after you drop down from the highest point on a rollercoaster and your breath catches in your throat for a minute and you think you’re done for, and then it finishes, and against all rationale, you’re like WHEW let’s go again. That’s Bliss.The structure is kind of similar to Climax I guess but I feel like the downwards spiral part of Bliss actually moves forwards, or downwards rather, and the character devolves, whereas Climax felt almost like circling the drain in a purgatorial state and never going anywhere which yeah, I suppose is almost the point, but doesn’t make for as enjoyable a viewing experience. I don’t need to be reminded of the time I went to Amsterdam when I was, like, 18 and little old inexperienced me, not understanding how edibles work and having barely touched weed, ate a whole space cake, the label upon which stated to start with only a quarter. The messy blackout of Bliss is a lot better.
Then there’s Dora Madison!! V V hot, and super believable, just an all-round dream casting for the role. Like as much as Hollywood likes to portray artists as these romantic, easy-going dreamers, most of them are more Dezzy. Angsty procrastinators who are a little bit insane. The bloodier she got, the more unhinged, the more fun she became, and it felt like something that had always been there finally coming out. Eurghhhh I want to be a scream queen, it looks so funnn.
Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey (Cathy Yan, 2020)
I’ve always maintained that I don’t care for superhero films and thought it was because of the action element of it but watching Birds of Prey and The Suicide Squad, I realised it’s not so much the superhero films I don’t like as the tropes and, well, fundamentally that the protagonist is presumably, in spite of some minor character flaws, an unnaturally morally good human being. Like I cannot suspend my disbelief for long enough to watch some pretty boy repeatedly sacrifice themselves for no clear reason apart from the good of society even though “wah, I hate people, wah, I’m a reclusive weirdo” which I presume is Robert Pattinson’s take on Batman (even though I wanna see it anyway bc Robert Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz, how can I say no?). But I like this increasingly more popular tongue in cheek approach where directors and writers trust an audience enough to grace us with characters written as being absolute arseholes whilst still someone you root for.
I’m also here for ditching the unnecessarily flashy action scenes and the otherwise bleak cinematography that seems to be seen as a fast track to creating atmosphere in favour of some creative flair; the distinctive visual style and soundtrack is partly what makes BoP such a trip. It’s the gold standard for superhero films because it’s not just a good superhero film, it’s a great fucking time, and I’m gonna say single handedly pioneer of the very niche genre of chick flick on acid with violence and anarchism. Like Suckerpunch but only the good parts of it and the added elements of excellent pacing, charming dialogue and a bubble-gum colour palette. Plainly speaking, that BoP is headed up by Margot Robbie and Mary Elizabeth Winstead who I fucking loveeee obviously helps, but I also cannot put into words how much more enjoyable ANY action film is when it’s directed by a woman. Still, for the most part, it’s a genre where even “empowered” female characters are very intentionally catered towards the male gaze given that they do make up the majority of the audience but it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy when ordinarily, even if you do get a woman who decides she’ll accompany her boyfriend to the new marvel film or whatever, the only characters she can identify with either are 1). indistinguishable from the male cast, a common result of a director’s taking the “I don’t care if you’re black, white, blue” approach to gender and erasing the existence of typically feminine characteristics altogether, 2). love interests with zero personality outside of being pathetically devoted to the hero or 3). Primarily treated as sex objects, which was the case with Harley in the first Suicide Squad film. I think I speak for all of us when I say the issue is not, for example, female characters “showing too much skin” or whatever bullshit, it’s when the action makes 0 sense in-universe as something another woman would do. You’ve got all your male ensemble cast in cargos and armour and poor Margot gets stuck in spandex hot pants which are not only bound to ride up the ass when trying to fight but also clearly, along with the daddy’s little monster top, NOT AT ALL PROTECTIVE OR WEATHER APPROPRIATE. There is no issue with women being hot on film, it’s just that there’s a time and a place (to take Suicide Squad again, Harley wearing that same outfit in one of the club scenes with the Joker or whilst trying to seduce one specific person or Jesus, IDK, in the fucking summer wouldn’t have been anywhere near as jarring) and if it doesn’t make sense in context it just takes you out of it. The fact that so many men hated BoP without even seeing it because they thought it was “pandering to woke culture” or whatever rubbish is astounding like HOW did society manage to function for so long with women being discouraged from working when 90% of the “critical thinking” men do in public sphere seems to boil down to “no tit? I quit.” Did u lot really not grow past the stage where all you think about is where you’re gonna get your next nipple fix? SMH. Anyways, stan Harley Quinn, anti-capitalist icon n Bernie bro xoxo
Extra points for the absence of Jared Leto’s joker and a conclusion that actually made sense-I like that there wasn’t some forced ending of all the women coming together to, like, make a crime fighting gang for the sake of “girl power”. It wouldn’t have made sense for Harley and Cassidy to join the Birds of Prey, and the way things were tied up just gave the impression of affairs naturally falling into place.
Emma. (Autumn de Wilde, 2020)
One gender stereotype that I think tends to, for the most part, hold true (as a psychology student I should probs add that I’m not sure if there’s any biological basis for this, let’s just call it the one upside of little boys being allowed to be messy slobs and girls being taught they need to look pretty and ladylike at all times) is the one about women paying more attention to detail. You look at female directors and even if the film is proper shite, there's usually still a signature cohesive aesthetic where all the colours and the sets and the interior design are intricately coordinated to perfectly complement each other. It’s less obvious when you look at an emotionally heavier film like the Babadook which is still pretty beautiful in its gloominess, but anything which is for the most part upbeat, like Birds of Prey for example or pretty much any Sofia Coppola film, always has this lush, dreamy quality to it that seduces you into paying attention. Autumn de Wilde gave us those rich, flirtatious visuals that had me glued to the screen like a middle aged Englishman named Steve (Steve is always my go to and I have no idea why? I guess it’s the middle aged British white man variation of Karen or Doris) watching penalty shoot outs. Aside from the visuals, which were truly delightful, I just generally adored Emma. The plot too, though I guess I should give props to Jane Austen for that, or rather the woman behind the screenplay, Eleanor Catton, because it seems more appropriate considering Catton is like…a little more animated than Jane Austen. I’m not a romance person at all, which is partly why I couldn’t bring myself to put Little Women in God tier, even though the same points about cinematography definitely apply. But this flowed in a way that meant I actually didn’t mind it; there was no overly-sentimental dialogue, just a snappy, tongue in cheek saccharine back and forth between characters with Anya Taylor Joy’s rhythmic snark as Emma hitting all the beats. I even shocked myself when I realised that, despite my typical lack of investment in romantic pairings, I was rooting for Emma and Knightley as a couple.The cherry on top of all this was the amazing cast. I lived for Anya’s portrayal of Emma. The touch of Machiavellian bitch she brought to the role, like a kookier period Blair Waldorf, was fab. I don’t know if that’s how it is in the novel, but I was so here for it. We love a morally ambiguous protagonist. Plus, Emma is the most Capricorn Capricorn I ever saw and that’s probably why I was rooting for her, arrogance aside, from the beginning. I kinda see all my worst qualities in her; my friend once got me a notebook saying “I may be wrong, but I doubt it” on it if you’re picking up what I’m throwing down. Hopefully I’ve got enough of the good qualities to make me just a litttttttle bit more tolerable than Emma because I love to watch her, but I would not wanna know her irl. Mia Goth was of course stand out too, and not to be forgotten, Tanya Reynolds from Sex Education, who’s proving herself to be a wonderful character actress.
Bridesmaids (Paul Feig, 2011)
Can I just say, the fact that when you google Bridesmaids the top suggestion based on most frequently searched terms was “did Helen poison the food?” Like it is some kind of Miss Marple whodunnit and not in actuality referring to a literal human shit storm from some bad Brazilian food is sending me. Like I never considered that before, and now I am doing so, I love that idea because I do not for a second believe that isn’t something Miss Helen Harris (the 3rd? Or am I just inventing that she refers to herself as that in my head??) would do. She’s a supervillain for the ages, pathologically conniving in the most mundane, but realistic ways. We have all known someone like her at one point in our lives and wanted to slap them across the face for some reason we can’t quite justify out loud without sounding insane to everyone else around us.
I almost didn’t include this because it is a rewatch and I was only ever going to include first time watches in these lists, but they’re not truly established as a tradition yet, so you know what? Bridesmaids has inspired me to change that rule. It’s literally a game changer. There’s so many dull rom-coms out there that a lot of us can’t relate to but everyone’s been Annie at some point and felt like a shit person for it and so not only is this a genuine reminder not to beat yourself up and a lesson in how NOT to handle things, it’s cathartic too to see those thought processes and behaviours play out in a way where you can laugh about it. I still don’t know what my favourite part is but quoting “are you an appliance?”, “no, I am a man, and my name is Steve” or “what WOMAN gives ANOTHER WOMAN a trip to PARIS!?!?!? I mean we’re ALL THINKING IT, right!?!?!?” Or a classic, “LOOK AT THAT FUCKING COOKIE!” are all a good time. Chaotic energy off the charts and I live for it, to this day it is probs my fave comedy.
The Invisible Man (Leigh Whannell, 2020)
It feels like I’m putting wayyy too many films in God tier at this rate which makes me think I need another tier between that and good tier because I really couldn’t put a film like the Invisible Man in the same tier as Little Women, and I liked the latter too much to relegate it to mid-tier. I only say I’m on edge about having put this in God tier because there’s something about remakes that, whether justifiably or not, makes me look at them with a much deeper level of scrutiny, even when they’re as perfectly executed as this. Part of putting a film in God tier is my totally unsolicited way of screaming into the chorus of praise for a director’s originality and that’s obviously immediately off the cards as a compliment when the storyline is based on something that’s already out there. I haven’t seen the original Invisible Man but it would be interesting to know how closely this does follow that storyline; if it’s very bare bones as in it borrows the concept of an invisibility suit worn by a villain but not much else beyond that, I take what I’ve said back. Reinventing the wheel is a hard job and one that is subject to that scrutiny I just displayed, and if the invisibility thing is more of a medium to explore an abusive relationship, gaslighting and narcissism, which it did incredibly, it’s pretty genius. The baseline of fear and suspense and the expectation that something just had to go horribly wrong even when it seemed to be going to plan of course made for a gripping film but also, opened a temporary gateway to the mindset of someone who’s been in an abusive relationship, the tangible weight of the abusers presence on the victim’s being, even once the abuser isn’t physically around anymore.
Elisabeth Moss was amaaaaaaaazing as always, and I will again reiterate she has to be one of the best actors out there currently working. It’s a bold statement but if she gets a few more of these bangers under her belt, I can see a completely deserved future Meryl Streep role on the cards for her. Everyone gave great performances tbh, like Storm Reid and Aldis Hodge were great too and they, along with Elisabeth, bounced off each other really well. I don’t know if you could necessarily class it as a horror but there were definitely moments that made me start a little, and that’s always partially down to the cast’s performance; an over the top reaction or pre-jump scare change in mannerisms will completely take you out of the moment and make the surprise just seem a little silly, but it never did here.
I do have to say, the ending scene was a little predictable, but it was the right choice and was narratively the most satisfying option, which imo tends to be a good tell of confident writing. *SPOILER* I was worried they were gonna go down the route of Elisabeth’s Cecilia putting the suit on forever to hide from Adrian and yeah, maybe that would’ve been the more realistic outcome in terms of what it metaphorically represents, but it also would’ve been a sad ending, the impact of which I think would’ve been quite detrimental to abuse survivors. There’s no need to have her character end miserable and defeated for the sake of showing how hard these relationships are, I think the film would be wasted spent trying to convince anyone who doesn't realise how difficult it is for a woman to leave such a set-up that this is the case, and I don’t think it would help anyone who’s actually been through it in any way. It never portrays what Cecilia is going through as the result of a lack of strength, we see that it’s an impossible situation that she is able to seize an opportunity to get out of and I think that’s something to hold onto for survivors without being patronising.
Raw (Julia Ducournau, 2016)
It’s always great when you make a friend and realise you have the exact same taste in something. Finding someone who’s favourite genre is horror is a rare one, but it’s great, because it’s the kind of genre where if you ask anyone else for recommendations, they’ll probably suggest the Conjuring films or something along those lines which maybe started off as a decent concept but then got a lot of box office success and has been driven into the ground by whichever movie studio realised it appealed to a mainstream audience resulting in crappy sequel after crappy sequel. The Conjuring was always pure crap though and Ed and Lorraine Warren are kinda the worst just to put that out there. Vera Farmiga, you can do so much better!
Raw was recommended to me by one of such friends as her favourite film of all time, which is a bold claim. I did some reverse psychology on myself and went in with low expectations because these things are so subjective and as much as I didn’t doubt her taste, going into a film expecting it to be amazing is just setting yourself up to be let down. But I needn’t have worried with this one because Raw really IS fucking amazing. I wrote in my notes at the time that I had to pause this and take a minute and that I’d never done that with a horror before. I can’t remember what kind of sense I meant that in because it’s so long ago that I watched it now but what I do remember is that it was one of the most simultaneously beautiful yet grotesque films I’d ever seen. Could’ve been an “okay I’m feeling a ton of things and I need to process” orrr a “Jesus Christ that’s disgusting and I need to collect myself before I carry on with this” or both! But regardless, coming from me, that is a STATEMENT. For one, I am worryingly non-squeamish and two, of all the films that would take your breath away to the extent you need to take a brief time out, a film about cannibalism isn’t the first you think of.
Oh yeah, Raw is about cannibalism btw. Did I not mention that before?
At this point, if you didn’t know this, you’re probably thinking WHAT THE FUCK, HOW CAN A FILM ABOUT CANNIBALISM POSSIBLY BE BEAUTIFUL (and maybe this is the first line you’re reading of this post because I too would probably want to know the context of that sentence)? But hear me out okay. IT’S IN FRENCH!
No-although I am a slut for a French accent and it defo added to the experience, honestly, Raw is just a narratively, and unnervingly stunning movie. It’s Gingersnaps without the rage, a quiet, eerie coming of age film that explores the relationship between guilt and pleasure that is so intertwined when you’re a young woman. It’s about coming to terms with who you are and how to navigate the world around you with that inherent sense of shame, of having to fight your worst impulses which feel like they’ll be a part of you forever, of the cognitive dissonance between the love and the anger unlike anything else you can feel for the people you love the most all at once. Yes, it’s a movie about how human flesh is as tempting as a tub of Pringles for a university fresher and I’m not going to pretend I know exactly how all these themes are conveyed through the shots and the dialogue and the overarching narrative but I know but it is predominantly a film about the horror of female sexual awakening as perceived by society and consequently, yourself. Facts are facts, America: you can’t fight your genes, repress familial trauma and addictive tendencies and urges forever. Our protagonist is of the age where she has to decide whether to give in to that and to herself or to keep fighting and punishing herself out of shame when she knows it’s easier to let it consume her. What better medium to tell that story than through, you know, a teenage girl dealing with the urge to literally consume other humans. Plus *SPOILER although I thought from the offset that there might be something more to the parents being veggie than meets the eye, the reveal of the dad’s chest before we cut to the credits was a perfect gut punch to end the film on. Julia Ducournau is obvs a scarily intelligent lady and a firm reminder of why we should have more female directors not just in horror but in every genre.
Uncut Gems (the Safdie brothers, 2019)
I’ve always been a bit of a cold hearted bitch when it comes to gambling addiction. You would be too if you’d been behind the kiosk at work with a million tasks to do whilst serving customers and the same guy buys lottery scratch card after lottery scratch card, not even bothering to take it outside and come back in, legit just leaning on the till, scratching off enough so that he can see the redemption code and then handing it back to you to cash in without even actually checking it’s won anything, rinse and repeat for the rest of the evening. 3 things: yes, playing national lottery every single day for hours still counts as gambling, no we are not Ladbrokes we are a convenience grocery store and finally, I clearly have a million fucking things I’m under pressure to get done so LEAVE ME ALONE. Another thing that pisses me off is that sex and gambling are 2 of a handful of formally recognised non-substance related addictions with all this research power behind them whilst problematic compulsive behaviours that are primarily seen as “women’s” things like obsessions with social media, plastic surgery, shopping etc. are disregarded. Even the way we see something like alcoholism is gendered. Like we are very quick to realise when a man has a drinking problem or dependency (not saying that we take that particularly seriously either in this country, there is an entire culture that enables men to abuse alcohol ffs) but a woman has a bottle of chardonnay every night and it’s “tehe! I’m just a wine mom! Isn’t parenting soul crushingly depressing!”. The point is, the way psychological research has investigated a lot of mental health issues is through a very misogynistic framework, and you only have to look at how far behind we are with what we know about ASD presentation in women, how long it took them to accept PTSD may extend beyond an aftereffect of war, the YEARS that the tradition of every mental illness under the sun being deemed hysteria when displayed by women went on for, to see that. We’re definitely catching up but there’s also definitelyyyy a long way to go. The fact that my course is 70% girls is promising. Let’s get this psychology research bread laydeeez.
If you’re wondering how this relates to Uncut Gems, and it does…mostly…, then welcome to the film that completely changed my viewpoint on gambling addiction. Well, completely is a strong word, “lottery wankers” as another customer/former convenience store employee once called them, are still frustrating. Let’s just say that Uncut Gems helped me understand the mindset underlying it all a bit more. And it’s not because Adam Sandler’s character is all that sympathetic, it’s Adam Sandler running round NYC yelling like he’s just done half Pablo Escobar’s supply, ffs. But it’s because it is a genuine compulsive, edge of your seat watch, that has you sat there mentally grasping for the next moment to find out what’s to come because you know it’s something. Good or bad, you’re not necessarily sure, but getting to the outcome of your bet is an itch that needs to be scratched, and an adrenaline rush I’m sure is only like a 1/10th as good as the real thing, undoubtedly only compounded by getting a big win every so often (even if you are still making a loss overall if you think about it, which the customer I once pointed this out to after he told me he won £100 clearly did not). For a moment, these people seem to feel like they’re right there watching the decision making process of the universe and have been granted a chance to reason their case. Odds and probability are clearly a very misunderstood thing, right? You can buy a scratch card a million times, but that 1 in 10,000 doesn’t accumulate to 2 in 10,000, 3 in 10,000 etc. etc. every time you buy a new one, it resets. Uncut Gems illuminates the split second sense of conviction overriding this that all is ruled by an omnipotent presence fairly distributing good luck and that it’s your turn when the roulette wheel slows to a stop. Or if not this time, then the next. Definitely the time after. Can you blame a person for wanting another, if ephemeral, hit of faith in something bigger?
You don’t even like Howard necessarily and kind of think he’s the absolute fucking worst in a lot of ways, something that is really driven home by the inclusion of his family in the narrative, but for some reason you still want him to win, even when the family are there to remind you of how self-destructive and awful it all is. You buy into the sunk-cost fallacy, and almost agree that he’s lost so much that the only option left is to win, when actually there are much worse things, and he could still turn it around. Then, *SPOILER* you get to the end and the worst thing DOES happen and snaps you back into reality-of course it always ends like that. It was the rational and deserved outcome really. But shit. You’ve been in the mind of a lotto wanker for the duration of the entire 2 hour 15 minute run time. It doesn’t try to convince you that this isn’t a behaviour driven by greed, but it does enlighten you as to just how intoxicating that greed can be and how much it costs you until you’re left with nothing to lose. Eurgh, I miss when I knew Julia Fox as Julia Fox, Uncut Gems stand out and didn’t have to think about fucking Kanye every time I heard her name.
The Social Network (David Fincher, 2010)
Technically not a first time watch, though I’m gonna consider it as one because I was about 12, max, when I first saw it and I really didn’t appreciate it at all. It was film Twitter’s “fuck you flip flops” propaganda campaign, and an admitted thirst for Andrew Garfield, that had me revisit it. I’m so glad I did. Why I thought I wouldn’t care for a film that came from the minds of the Zodiac director and Succession writer is beyond me. It has David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin’s stamp(s) all over it in the best way and I don’t think there are many duos out there who could tell this story better. The dialogue is completely modern-classic worthy, Jesse Eisenberg was born to play the apathetic libertarian lizard I’m sure anybody who has watched that infamous Now You See Me press tour interview can agree he probably is, and really, who doesn’t want to see a film all about how much of a pathological arsehole Mark Zuckerberg really is? If I have one complaint it’s that I found out the other day Zuckerberg was like, 19 or so when this was all supposed to have happened, and though the film does show him as being in his freshman year at Harvard, Jesse Eisenberg just looks a lot older than that. That kind of arrogance is even scarier, and would’ve perhaps added a more unnerving tone to the film, when it’s clearly somebody who is really just coming out the other side of childhood like Zuckerberg was.
GOOD TIER
Little Women (Greta Gerwig, 2019)
I really hit the ground running with my little wannabe film critic fantasy when I saw Little Women at the cinema the first day of 2020 didn’t I? But this film kinda exemplifies why I couldn’t be a critic to be honest because it’s hard for me to feel fully immersed in a film that doesn’t have any dark stuff or mystery or black comedy in it-as much as I enjoy something, I am very particular in my taste when it comes to what blows me away and it’s a bias that I reckon has me underselling films lots of people adore. Little Women, even with the sad bits, is still just too nice. Nobody is morally ambiguous, and nobody’s out to get anyone, apart from the odd bit of sib drama which I’m sure some of my sister and I’s fights a few years ago would make look like tic tac toe. My day to day life is very mundane-not in a bad way! But the only dramatic stories I ever have are about customer confrontations at work, lmao. My point is that I want some proper dramz in my entertainment and *SPOILERS* no offence to those who died of scarlet fever in the 19th century but who didn’t die of scarlet fever in the 19th century? Weren’t you lucky if you DIDN’T die of scarlet fever in the 19th century? Beth never fully develops as a character beyond her relationship to the other sisters and whilst the concept of Jo’s grief over losing her sister did upset me, the actual character of Beth is like…take it or leave it, y’know. That’s not Greta’s fault, Beth gets 0 development in the book either, and to mention that I think the book is boring af and took me about 8 months to get through is probably a salient point here. I think Greta did the best she could with the material, I’m just not totally sure why it keeps getting adapted without being updated for the times because my god, everyone was boring back then. God this, marriage that, I would say get a life, but IT WAS THEIR LIFE. And if a character isn’t like that, they spend the whole narrative banging on about how different they are from everyone else and how that makes them so much better and more enlightened than their peers; I was particularly impressed with Saoirse Ronan for her Jo March because oh my god I cannot STANDDDD that bitch in the book!
It’s a great film on paper. You could probably pick any still and it could be a painting in the Tate Britain if you chucked an oil filter over it in Photoshop. Not including Emma Watson (I love her to death, but someone please find her a new accent coach because she butchers American every time and it’s all I can focus on regardless of the quality of her acting) and Laura Dern (when you’ve seen how great she is as Renata on Big Little Lies, her playing Marmee feels like watching paint dry), everyone was perfectly cast. So yeah, Greta did a great job, and it did deserve the hype buut it’s just not my thing, soz.
Bombshell (Jay Roach, 2019)
Finding out Bombshell was directed by a man did give me a bit of a different perspective on this because any belief I had that it was truly a feminist film was extinguished-this was liberal American anti-Trump Oscar bait to pull in the big names but also like…pat me on the back, I afford women their basic humanity.
ANYWAY, it seems like I am on the sole person on Letterboxd who can say this but I did enjoy it; the pacing was good, it hit the spot with capturing that insidious patronising form of sexism that I’m sure a lot of women in the workplace (typical day as a young woman supervisor trying to instruct middle aged men to do just the bare minimum, anyone?) experience alongside blatant sexual harassment to good effect, and it was informative and succinct. Being English and hearing a lot about this scandal but not reeealllyyy having any clue what it was about, and admittedly have also kinda forgotten since (lol, I know what I’m about to say is emblematic of people’s entire problem with the film) mostly because the 3 protagonists are all pretty, blonde, skinny white women and I can’t remember who’s who, I know I felt a little more educated at the time.
I got the impression, however, that this telling of events should be taken with a pinch of salt; I know the women heavily featured were probably whitewashed a decent amount. I’m guessing Roach didn’t trust viewers to empathise with former conservative political pundits which is annoying because it’s like…you don’t have to like or agree with a woman to think them being subjected to workplace sexual harassment is wrong. But I disagree with a lot of the criticisms that it was unnecessary, why did he have to do it about rich white women etc. because I think this is the only story someone like Roach can tell about this issue without it being insincere or distasteful-it’s just as much about the American media as anything else and it’s interesting for that reason. One film existing doesn’t prevent another film from existing, you know? The more valid criticism here is that more women weren’t specifically brought in by Roach to assist with the screenplay or act as consultants.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose (Scott Derrickson, 2005)
It pisses me off that the ratings for this film aren’t great-it seems to be the paradigm amongst movie critics to assume an inherent tackiness to horror films and subtract a few points off the rating on that basis alone like there’s some kind of formulae to which your run of the mill drama is not subjected. They’re always so much more willing to see the good in some boring ass biopic than a gripping but maybe not technically flawless horror, which is ironic because if a horror is ever “based on a true story” that’s a standard penalty of a star and a half out of 5 too. Oh my goodness, blood?! But someone pls think of the children!
The Exorcism of Emily Rose, in spite of reviews, I genuinely thought to be a well-paced, interesting take on one of these real life cases through a lens that is usually ignored, probably because writers see it as to “taking away” from the horror. This expertly proves that the supernatural storyline being balanced with a sceptical perspective can add to the plot; it helps bring in that element of realism, the procedural, clinical approach we apply to our understanding of events like this in real life, kinda like in Deliver us From Evil where we get the investigatory framing (though Emily Rose is a lot better). Obviously, this leans into the side of the supernatural because at the end of the day it is a horror but as someone who IS a complete sceptic this was my jam. Plus, I fucking LOVE Jennifer Carpenter, like her performance in this was incredible and maybe she did have this reputation and I’m just too young to be aware of it but seeing her in Dexter too she surely fully earned herself scream queen status, no? Jennifer Carpenter walked (or contorted herself, rather) so Toni Collette could run.
She did what she had to do. I mean, once you’ve seen yourself look that genuinely terrifying, where do you go from there in terms of positive self-talk? Can you convincingly remind yourself you are That Bitch™ ever again? Like when Megan Fox was Jennifer Check she still looked hot. But Emily Rose is something else. God help me when I finish Dexter and find out what it is everybody gets so mad about because I have a feeling Deb gets done real dirty and NOBODY does my Emily Rose like that xo
Queen and Slim (Melina Matsoukas, 2019)
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a film weave edge of your seat discomfort and dread with such an all-absorbing sense of freedom and serenity in the way Queen and Slim does. The mood switches up so quickly. One moment, you have the weightless calm of the driving scenes and then suddenly, it flips to that sinking in your stomach as the two leads end up in an unfamiliar and reliably hostile new situation, mirroring what is probably an unnerving realisation a lot of marginalised individuals come to of a dichotomy between the cathartic surge of pride that comes with loudly affirming your identity and then the threat of repercussions that lingers on the edge ready to pounce on that and extinguish it. It’s something that I can’t pretend to fully understand as an average middle-class white girl living in Britain.
The music, acting and visuals, however, were stunning and though this may be the first time I experienced this annoying ass habit I have of falling asleep in the cinema if I eat beforehand, so I know there was at least a leeeetle (Lady Gaga in HoG voice) bit that I missed whilst snoozing, it wasn’t enough to affect my enjoyment of the film. I’ve seen a lot of African American people express that it lacked nuance and I can see that side of things, and how it seemed to want to stay uncontroversial in spite of the subject matter. You know, taking the few-bad-apples-not-a-bad-tree line on police brutality which is underwhelming for a film that presented itself as having a lot to say. I also don’t want to speak over anyone who did find a lot of value in it. All I can really give is my surface level opinion, which is that at the time I thought Queen and Slim was a solid, though unremarkable, good tier film, and Daniel Kaluuya was great. I have yet to see him in anything where that wasn’t the case, like Posh Kenneth probs had about 20 minutes of cumulative screen time in S1 & 2 of Skins and I still love that guy. That being said, it definitely didn’t show the case the full extent of his talent like a lot of the other films in his body of work do.
The House Bunny (Fred Wolf, 2008)
The fact that I put the Lighthouse or GoodFellas in a lower tier than The House Bunny is probably going to induce a mild to middling dose of rage for any aspiring film critic who happens to stumble across this post, but you know what? I make no apologies for who I am. I am a chick. I do indeed love a flick. Even if technically, theoretically, in every sense possible, it isn’t a great film. I love a campy 2000s easy watch, especially with a makeover scene, and so who cares. They just don’t make stupid gems like this anymore. Yeah, maybe because most are full to the brim with internalised misogyny but I’m not referring to it for my worldview and 2008 is probably, like, prehistoric times for those would take life lessons from a low budget comedy about an ex-playboy bunny. It’s dumb, but ultimately, I did snort a few times, and I love Anna Faris, especially when she’s dressed like a walking incarnation of the Depop Y2K bimbo tag, and of course Emma Stone is always a treat too. THIS IS MY GOODFELLAS AND I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO TAKE THIS STANCE. There. That’s the bottom line. There’s a reason when you type in the House Bunny on Google one of the top most asked questions is when there will be a House Bunny 2-my people are out there, you can’t hide.
Battle Royale (Kinji Fukasaku, 2000)
Battle Royale was brilliant, and it feels like an injustice to put it in good tier as opposed to God considering how fucking wild a concept this must have been if we imagine its release in the context of a pre-Hunger Games world. That being said, I have to deduct some points for the very 2000s Disney Channel original movie acting and the cheesy American dubbing I had to watch it with, which I know isn’t the fault of the movie (the AUDACITY of a dodgy free movie website not having customised captions omg) but did make the whole mediocre acting issue much more noticeable. Everything else was pretty flawless-you can see where Quentin Tarantino was influenced, with those tongue-in cheek stylistic nods to video-game design, like the title cards that would pop up every time there was a death; bearing in mind those touches are one of my favourite things about a Tarantino film, I shouldn't really have been expecting anything other than to love this. The use of juxtaposition in the soundtrack as well as between the cinematography of the scenes highlighting the setting and the comic book gore was stunning and added to that sense of heightened reality, and if you think my appreciation for some blood and guts against a scenic location is verging on concerning…well, that’s probably a valid POV but like! Trust me! This does not mean I’m going to be murdering anyone down the beach any time soon.
One last thing I wasn’t hugely keen on was the ending *SPOILERS* which did throw me off, because at what point in the film was it revealed that Shogo knew about the mics in the neck before the ending? It might have just been a language barrier thing, like the translation wasn’t super clear or maybe I wasn’t concentrating enough (high probability on that one) but it felt a bit of a Deus-ex-machina, and I had to look the plot up on wiki once I finished it to understand what had gone on. I guess it’s not totally out of the question that he was aware since he’d done the game before and we were just supposed to take that as the explanation but if you’re gonna do a big plot twist like that I feel like you need to make the set up clearer; when using Chekhov's gun, you’ve got to wave that thing around rightttt in the camera, you know. There were a couple of other minor elements that left me wanting a bit more exposition that, again, I might have missed when distracted. For example, I don’t reeeeally understand why Kitano hated the students quite as much as he did. Like Jesus, my year 9 maths class bullied my teacher about his very, very recent divorce so badly this man walked out of the classroom CRYING (honestly, relatable) and I still don’t think he’d take joy in us brutally murdering each other, at least, I hope. Anyways some of us have absolutely 0 attention span and ended up taking a mindless Twitter interlude so if it is a case of me just being a dick and zoning out when certain plot elements were explained that one’s on me. I mean, it likely is the case. The “if” is redundant tbh.
Thirteen (Catherine Hardwicke, 2003)
See obviously the person I name in these posts is the director based on the fact they get top billing in terms of the crew but honestly, can we talk for a second about the fact that Nikki Reed of Rosalie in Twilight fame wrote this when she was like, FIFTEEN?! What the fuck?! What was I doing at fifteen, I ask myself. Binging Pretty Little Liars whilst simultaneously developing binge eating disorder, I think. Nikki Reed=productivity queen. And side note-I really shoulda known I wasn’t completely straight when I spent far less time caring about the Edward vs Jacob discourse than I did thinking about how much of a “girl crush” I had on Rosalie. I arbitrarily decided Jacob was the one for me at the time (much like I did Niall as my fave 1D member because “he’s CuuuUuUTE but oh my god, guys! Zayn is sOoOo the FITTEST!) presumably since I’d internalized from Mizz and Shout magazines (and the fact that my school banned the status symbol that were Abercrombie and Fitch bags with the anonymous male model’s six pack on) that teen girls are supposed to care about A B S, and Jacob being shirtless was like his entire personality.
ANYWAY, to get back to the main point, I see why Thirteen was the edgy teen girl’s staple back in the 2000s. Evan Rachel Wood’s Tracy was like the Y2K blueprint for Effy Stonem and it’s common knowledge how much we 2013 black and white Tumblr owners loved us an angsty Effy Stonem GIF. It is also a good film with very competent acting. Evan’s over-the-top and at times awkward in her portrayal of Tracy but that awkwardness is just as vital to the believability of her character as Elsie Fisher’s awkwardness is to her portrayal of Kayla in Eighth Grade; they are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but they do channel both the external and internal complexities of being a girl of that age excellently and without the condescension that they’re met with IRL. I’m pretty sure I would’ve been painful to watch as a 13 year old too. Both films do capture the dark core of confusion and identity crisis that drive adolescent behaviour and how that affects the parent-child relationship, it’s just that Thirteen revolves around the grittier, angrier, and honestly more insufferable expression of that. Whilst it seems a bit hard to believe at times, once you know it's based on Nikki’s real life growing up as a teenager in L.A and you take into the account the stories of child stars like Drew Barrymore being allowed in clubs and addicted to coke at like, 12, it makes a lot more sense.
Don’t get me wrong, Thirteen is by no means a flawless film; there are a couple of scenes where issues like race are discussed that had me grimacing so hard it’s lucky I wasn’t wearing my retainer because replacing those thingies are expensive af. There was one particular scene, for example, where the characters are talking about interracial couples eliminating prejudice that was just kinda like AH! NOO! Please stop. In the context of the racial fetishization and stereotyping of people of colour in the film, whether it’s supposed to be an example of the character’s naivety or not, it feels insensitive. But it’s a product of its time, and again, true to real life. We do say stupid things thinking we’re really profound when we’re that age, and those things were probably even more stupid in an age where internalisation of the social media morality police’s critiques was not the norm.
Lastly, and importantly, big old trigger warning for this one. The depiction of drug use and self-harm is a lot more graphic than you’d expect for a film about this age group, and there’s not much of a happy ending to balance the dark stuff out.
Revenge (Coralie Fargeat, 2018)
I definitely liked Revenge. It was a little underwhelming but that’s only because there seemed to be SO much hype around it-I know I said I tend not to go into films expecting much of them even if they’ve got rave reviews but idk, I think even though I didn’t do that, I did expect to see something very unique and this wasn’t, just imo, the insanely fresh take I expected.
Onto the positives though: the protagonist was great. I mean, may be a bit of a Raw situation where the French accent does for me what boobs do for men. Like brain cells die and I’m just like “stunning stuff” and lose all ability for critical thought. But anyways, I loved her. Top tier final girl. And I liked that Coralie didn’t flinch away from having her hero be traumatised by the events that trigger the rest of the film whilst still giving her a triumphant arc. The only way men seem capable of writing a woman’s response to sexual trauma is her displaying absolutely 0 emotion as if it never happened. Like we should give them a pat on the back because, sure, disassociating one’s self from something from that does happen, and clearlyyyy that was their intention, right? Spoiler; probably not. Most likely, they want to include a rape scene but can’t be arsed to spend time on the repercussions of that because it would necessitate them seeing female characters as anything but props:) Before this turns into another tired of male director’s bullshit rant, however, I’ll get back to what I enjoyed about the film.
For one, the gore is disgustingly and teeth-clenchingly great, and the shots and music are beautiful. It’s obviously very unrealistic but short form horror typically requires you to suspend your disbelief anyway so it’s pretty easy to let these things slide. I knew Matilda Lutz would end up as a final girl from the very premise of the film so that already puts you in the “how the fuck she gonna survive this one then” mindset rather than giving her an immediate write off when the *SPOILER* murder fake out happens. My only gripe is that it could definitely be shorter, and that the camerawork was very male-gaze oriented at the beginning. Considering the subject matter and the tonal shift after the inciting event, however, the latter seems to be purposeful. Male-gaze a weak opponent does not make, and giving us as insight to the men’s view of her is probably key in communicating that their underestimation of her is crucial to how they meet their ends. Also, I think it’s very important that the rape wasn’t explicitly shown. When I compare the scene to something as gratuitous as the one in Red Sparrow which the writers seemed to think was okay to include on the basis that Jennifer Lawrence’s character gets her catharsis, Coralie is typical of female directors in that, as I was discussing with a friend recently, she’s aware there’s literally 0 benefit to any survivor in its inclusion.
Marriage Story (Noah Baumbach, 2019)
"You liked this life until you decided you hated it.” Oof.
The internet is never more at peace than when we’re all collectively roasting something. Case in point: that one argument scene between Scarlet Johansson and Adam Driver in Marriage Story. Maybe you thought I was gonna say Scarlett dancing but no, I will be the one to make the distinction: that was popular in gif format, a meme just wouldn’t be sufficient in demonstrating the fundamental lack of rhythm behind those movements. Such a distinction is important because if you let it slide, suddenly you’re 50 years old and thinking that meme is just a mispronunciation of the name for those French performers who wear the black and white face makeup and creep around (also part of one of my all-time fave moments of Real Housewives of Potomac for all other people out there who have also watched far too many variations of the franchise but also know that RHOP is the best one!!!). So yeah, I’ll admit it. That was the motivation behind my watching this film. I was meme curious. Experimental. But imagine my surprise when, as versatile a meme format it provided us with, I enjoyed Marriage Story on a serious level.
It reminded me of Blue Valentine a lot in that it really did feel like watching a relationship break down in real time but in a way that the sad moments were more a frustration I can relate to, balanced out by the humour of the couple’s displays of undignified pettiness, which if we’re being honest, we’ve all fallen victim to the temptations of. You know, you want to be this tormented ball of angst, permanent resident of the moral high ground despite being done dirty, but sometimes the urge to just piss a deserving individual off cannot be denied.
Again, Scarlett Johansson was brilliant and just the whole cast did a good job at turning these characters into multi-dimensional people that made it feel like a bit of a fly on the wall experience where you get to know the leads and fully feel their sadness at the end. It did make me well up a little ngl. It’s not my fave film ever but yeah, I can see why it was so well received
Her Smell (Alex Ross Perry, 2018)
This is my dilemma: how tf do I reconcile being Elisabeth Moss's bitch with her scientology:(
I love this women, I love her in everything she does, and then you think oh my god, she probably knows what happened to Shelley Miscavage!? AH.
For the sake of continuing to skirt the very touchy ground of art/artist separation discourse, I will just stick to her performance in this for now. SooOoO fucking good as always. I don’t know if I was just overly emotional the night I watched this but everything her character Becky was saying about how she didn’t know how to be up on stage, so she created this persona and how drugs and stuff were intertwined with that and now she doesn’t know who she was before or without them or how to function blah blah blah, that got to me. I’m pretty sure I cried a little. Like she acted the fuck out of this role, and as far as I can tell fully committed herself to exploring every point on the continuum of Becky’s duality. She’s a character that Hollywood so often struggles to do convincingly, at once a raging arsehole who seems not to care about anything or anyone and yet also a hurt, confused child who can’t fathom a way to deal with things responsibly on the inside. It’s also a character that’s rarely written for women despite the number of prominent actresses who repeatedly voice that they love these kinds of roles which is super frustrating. Performances aside, 90s grunge girl bands, the music, the aesthetics, there was 0 for me to dislike about this film. It didn’t have the pacing or a substantial enough narrative outside of Elisabeth’s character for me to give it God but it totally had the trappings.
Contagion (Steven Soderbergh, 2011)
If there’s any tidbit of info out there that more effectively proves the innate human urge to make the absolute worst choices in every single situation, it’s the way this film shot to the top of the Netflix trending list as soon as news about COVID-19 started breaking. Of course, being bad choices incarnate, I was one of the people responsible for that. But in terms of the strongest evidence for humanity making the absolute worst choices, I think perhaps it’s the fact that we had far more time, knowledge, and recourses to deal with this pandemic than the one in Contagion and still saw millions of people die. A fair portion of them probably needlessly, mind you, partially because some people couldn’t be arsed to inconvenience themselves for five fucking minutes and put their house parties on hold or wear a bit of fabric over their faces or believe that maybe, just maybe, epidemiologists who legit spend their entire lives studying this kind of thing DAY IN DAY OUT may have a better insight into what’s going on than they do. You people are right, it’s 100% more believable that 99.9999% of medical experts and scientists are being bought off by the new world order or big Pharma or the Chinese government or whatever bullshit it is you believe today and COVID isn’t real than that a flu-like virus similar but unknown enough to the one we see overwhelm hospitals and cause the NHS huge issues every year got out of control because 1). We have a rapidly multiplying global population where people can get from country to country in a matter of hours by way of a constricted, oxygen depleted metal box in the sky 2). Selfish, arrogant pricks can’t stop being selfish and arrogant for 5 mins and 3). The large majority of world leaders are motivated primarily by self-interest. Irritatingly, this is something the British public especially seem to realise only briefly every few months or so when a tory is involved in public scandal actually much less abhorrent than refugees dying in the sea or people freezing in the streets before forgetting 5 mins later and voting for the same people all over again. This pandemic has DESTROYEDDD my faith in humanity, really. It’s truly non-existent.
Good Time (the Safdie brothers, 2017)
Good time was a good time. Tehe.
A grimy, gritty, nerve-inducingly chaotic good time. Not on the level of Uncut Gems but makes for a compulsive watch all the same with the frantic energy that immerses you in the character’s world and has you convinced everything is going to fall apart if you look away. It’s the toddler with a suicide wish you’re not getting paid enough to watch.
Never thought I’d rate a movie led by Rob Pattison lower than one with Adam Sandler as the lead but there’s a first time for everything I guess!
MID TIER
The Lighthouse (Robert Eggers, 2019)
I think a lot of my disappointment with The Lighthouse was down to the way it was marketed. I wouldn’t call it a horror film, by any means. Something can have unsettling moments without it being horror; take The Nightingale, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, or the Beguiled, for example. All have unsettling moments but were marketed more as dark dramas. For instance, even though the Beguiled wasn’t necessarily a good film I was prepared to find its value in what was implied and hinted at, the overall mood of the film, and so I didn’t feel let down. The Lighthouse was so ridiculously hyped up as if the bulk of the plot would revolve around creepy sea creatures and trippy visuals that had you questioning what it was you were looking at and yeah, we got Rob Pattinson having some fun times with himself over a mermaid, but really? That doesn’t even seem out of character for him. One creepy moment a horror does not make, especially given Robert Eggers is behind the VVitch, which is up there in my top 10 films.
If I had gone into this blind, I probably would’ve thought it was great, you know? It just doesn’t go anywhere for me based on my expectations. I feel like the bulk of the narrative comes from subtext and okay, maybe I’m just not sophisticated enough, but in conjunction with the black and white AND that I didn’t understand the dialogue half the time…eh. It didn’t grip me. I can appreciate there were good moments, and the acting was brilliant for sure, 10/10 for the atmosphere ofc, but I just kept feeling like I was waiting for something to happen which never did.
That being said, I feel like gruff, mysterious, slightly unhinged lighthouse keeper is the role Willem Dafoe was destined to play. Hilarious stuff. Still not sure if that was the intention but I’m here for it anyway, lol.
Possum (Matthew Holness, 2018)
In terms of unsettling the viewer, Possum definitely did what it set out to do; the theme of isolation and shame is almost palpable thanks to Sean Harris’ very raw portrayal of his character’s trauma and misery, honestly just as uncomfortable to watch as that fucking puppet. I think the issue is, as much as I like being unsettled in horror, it has to be balanced by something to get the blood pumping, a little bit of shock or drama or some kind of overt narrative progression. I don’t think this really happened in Possum. It was much of the same for the entire film; any development of the narrative was more subtextual imo, whereas in-universe plot points went mostly unexplained or just hinted at. It was a bit too arthouse-y for me, and perhaps would’ve worked a lot better as a short film than a feature length one.
Birdman (Alejandro González Iñárritu, 2014)
I would say that I don’t understand all the hype behind this one-the one shot format and the dialogue are exceptional but other than that Birdman really doesn’t go anywhere and it’s all a bit pretentious and smug and…ahhh, wait, no I get it. People talk about Oscar bait, but this is it. Because it’s Hollywood trying to be all self-aware and self-effacing in the most self-absorbed and meandering way possible.
There were things I liked, and I can tell it was supposed to have this deep, resonant meaning but I guess it didn’t hit me and honestly, I don’t think it will hit 99% of people, which you would’ve thought should be at least a little relevant when the academy are deciding which film should sweep nominations in pretty much every category. This praise this film was given by those people at the TOP of the film industry is the most transparent display of their real criteria to date, I think. Plus, I expected way more Emma Stone than I got so. Disappointing.
Shit tier seems undeserved because like I said, dialogue, cinematography, pacing, all there, it’s just the complete lack of accessible narrative for the average viewer which makes Birdman such a vanilla film for me, which is especially annoying because I know everyone involved really thought they were That Bitch™ (I’m going to get the trademark in wherever I can, prepare yourself) for being a part of it. Except my girl Emma. There is no Emma Stone slander in this house. Even though there is no reason for her to be exempt from this criticism, whatever. Don’t question me. I never said I wouldn’t contradict myself. I say that’s on you for expecting any better.
GoodFellas (Martin Scorsese, 1990)
Maybe GoodFellas is too dated for my gen-z/millennial cusp self to care for but considering how frequently you see it in best films of all time lists, I was disappointed. I’m not averse to violence in films, clearly, and I’m also not opposed to gangster films or TV. The Sopranos, for example, is great. GoodFellas, however, is permeated by the displays of male bravado I just know so many men low-key fantasize about embodying; have you ever heard a male Peaky Blinders fan talk about Tommy Shelby? They will try and pass it off as mere interest in the character but we alllll know they would do anything to be him for a day.
The dramatization of mob politics, of quirky, impressive schemes, stand offs over territory, literal murderers being framed as martyrs for their dedication to the “family” when real life probably sees far more snitches than it does loyalists, many of these recurring features being present signal a piece of media that takes itself far too seriously. The tendency to romanticize the mob and paint their brutality as in any way motivated by principle and complex rules about morality is so boring. Like I’m supposed to root for this man attempting to rise up in the ranks of the mafia? Aw, boohoo, you had to murder a rival gang member to prove your loyalty and you felt really, really bad for 5 mins until you got some positive reinforcement from the mob boss and now, you’re the big man, all stone cold and mysterious and detached, exhibiting the most insufferable behaviour and then having it conveniently justified every so often by some past trauma. But look! They care about their kids and their mother so fuck the kids and the mother of the gang member whose vicious murder we are now supposed to be low-key celebrating! It was for a noble cause! The same cliches pop up over and over again, and they are so cringey. To this character I say: Jesus, get a real job. Try working in the service industry, now we are truly in the trenches. It’s verbal warfare with customers 24/7, baby!!!! Turf wars between employees and OAPs coming to a head down the produce aisle with every sarcastic thank you I call out after having to practically climb into a freezer so they can get past only for them to not even acknowledge my existence, the standoff between me and the mum with the buggy when I dare to weave around her children rather than wait until they’ve passed because I’m trying to run the pierced can of beer that is now spraying all over the shop floor into the sink out the back. Yes, you could argue that the “gangster” cliches prevalent in movies and TV are present in the Sopranos too, but it errs enough on the side of a character drama about the family to bring in an element of humour and sentimentality that something like GoodFellas or Peaky Blinders is missing. Let’s be real, Tony Soprano isn’t a super slick guy. He’s kind of the Kris Jenner figure of his family, just slightly less glamorous and only slightly more morally corrupt. He holds a ton of power really, but the script fully embraces him as a bit of an embarrassing human being, and no amount of fear his name supposedly commands save him from being a bit bumbling.
Another issue is that ultimately, unless a movie is really exceptional, I find it hard to get too invested in any media where the presence of the few women featured is contingent on their relevance to the male character’s plot. Karen was one of the few things I liked about the film-I couldn’t give less of a shit about any of the male characters and even the two I didn’t mind, Jimmy and Henry, were hardly dear enough to me that I had any real desire to know how things turned out for them. That being said, I keep referring to them as characters when GoodFellas is based on a true story, something I didn’t find out til the end which may have been more widely known at the time and perhaps would’ve given me a different kind of appreciation for the movie as a whole if I’d been aware of that fact beforehand.
Ex-Machina (Alex Garland, 2014)
I hate to say it because it sounds kind of mean and personal, but Domhnall Gleeson just doesn’t do it for me, ya know? Everything I’ve seen him in, I’ve found him to be fairly flat and one-note. In his defence, he does seem to get typecast as the reserved, emotionally detached type and it probably doesn’t help that he portrayed a literal fucking robot in that one episode of Black Mirror I found boring af, so I doubt it’s got much to do with him being a bad actor-there’s just not enough range in his performances for me. They lack the feeling or passion that adds a little bit of spice to a bland scripts. It’s not that he’s a bad actor per se, it’s that I PERSONALLY haven’t seen him in anything I found to be particularly compelling. So, I don’t know, I couldn’t really get into this. I didn’t care about his character, Oscar Isaac is not enjoyable as an arsehole, and not all that much happens. Maybe I’d feel differently if I hadn’t heard it categorised as a sci-fi horror so many times because like…where is the horror?! I swear if a film has the tiniest bit of death in it (lmao, ya know, cheeky bit of murder on a Monday morning), it seems to be classified as a horror. Like where is the scary in Ex-Machina that justifies that categorisation? I guess it’s the idea of a robot that can pass the Turing test and the moral and ethical dilemmas of that and our relationships with them? Misogyny? But this is 2022, and Sophia the robot exists and from the look on her face, I just know that lady has seen some shit and is planning the comeuppance of the human race as we speak so like…Ava’s not all that worrying to me. This film is just another example of who is the real villain here? The men. It’s always the men. The man. Whatever. But I agree. She did what she had to do.
Vox Lux (Brady Corbet, 2018)
Considering the (quite literally) explosive opening scenes of this film, not much actually happens in Vox Lux. Like it was marketed as Natalie Portman doing her Black Swan thing again, as though we were about to watch her sanity slip, but I don’t think we ever saw that. She’s introduced to us as this quote unquote damaged person, and idk, I think we only ever got a superficial portrayal of that. The relationship dynamic between her character and her sister, for example, could tell us a lot if it was properly explored but that never happened, and so it felt a bit like Corbet had this brilliant weapon in his arsenal that he hastily showed us and then shut away again, like “here you go viewer, you can unpack this one yourself! And then you’ll see what it all means!” but…there’s nothing actually in the suitcase. Just the illusion of it. I guess that’s what happens when you get a male writer/director perspective on sisterhood, probably the biggest casualty of the need to pit women against each other there is. An element of unnecessary competitiveness or resentment is almost expected of girls who grow up together and yet I don’t think there’s many deeper connections than those you have with your sister/sisters; there is definitely outside pressure for that intensity to be moulded into something negative. You know, because if we wanna smash that glass ceiling one of us has to stand on the other’s shoulders, right? Unless you’re a man. Then you get an escalator installed for you, tehe xo
Family dynamics in general are so complex, and present the perfect creative opportunity to explore the best and worst sides of a character. Like there is a difference between subtlety for the sake of encouraging viewers to read between the lines and a plain lack of character development. What we actually see of Natalie’s character is just not interesting or original enough to justify how edgy this film thinks it is, especially when I think of Her Smell, which pretty much does the same thing but in a much rawer way. I’m not entirely sure what point Vox Lux was trying to make about fame and ego and trauma and their frequent intersection when you think of child stardom that hasn’t already been made and documented ad nauseam.
On the plus side, the film did include some beautiful cinematography and unsurprisingly, grating accent aside, Natalie delivered a very believable performance. I liked the format too-having Willem Dafoe narrate was a good choice, and his ending lines sent chills down my spine. Who from Pink’s team was secretly involved in this anyways, I want to know, because I think they’re trying to tell us something. I mean Natalie only mentioning Lady Gaga and Madonna when asked which performers it was that she studied? Come on now. There is no way she didn’t have 2000s Pink on the Pinterest board for this role. Sus.
The Gentlemen (Guy Ritchie, 2019)
There was a lot to like about the Gentlemen, for sure. It’s hard not to like a film narrated by Hugh Grant-there’s something quite intoxicating about the juxtaposition of breakneck pacing and gang violence with that silken voiceover relaying the events like a fairy-tale children’s book on the perils of running a drug empire. Maybe I’m just a simp for Hugh Grant.
Well, okay, I am a simp for Hugh Grant.
But I’ll give everyone else a bit of credit too. There were elements of this film that were really great, and I do love a twisty-turn-y crime thriller with a bit of light-heartedness to it. That being said, I again felt like there were times in this film too reliant on gotcha moments that banked on making the audience feel a bit silly. Then, there’s the reveal that the film leads up to. Eurgh. I was sat there with my family trying to let my dad enjoy what was one of his birthday gifts, repressing the Alyssa Edwards impression inside me waiting to be released, all:
It’s like the writers collectively went out of their way at times to be like “look how wild and effortlessly clever and devil may care we are!” When it’s very obvious a lot of effort went into it all having an “effortless” feel. I KNOW there was sweat dripping down foreheads backstage.
*SPOILER* Is the “Jew” (Really? Reeeeeeally?) being the one behind everything in order to drive down the market value of the enterprise and buy it cheaper supposed to be shocking? Are the writers really completely oblivious to the little known phenomena of…antisemitism? Which has for years stereotyped Jewish people as greedy and duplicitous? Is it sensitive to point out that that this guy’s only notable quality is that he’s rich and wants to make more money? Am I also being overly-sensitive to be annoyed at the fact that, again, there’s only one prominent female character, and that when the unnecessary, overdone threat-of-rape-to-motivate-the-male-protagonist scene is cut short and her “dignity is spared”, her reaction is to immediately make a witty quip towards the husband? Have her, men! She’s one of the lads but she’s also just about woman enough to be potentially sexually assaulted! Actual rape scenes aren’t okay but narrowly avoided rape, they can be a fun and quirky inclusion to the script, right? BTW, if it wasn’t clear, I’m not saying we should act as if sexual violence doesn’t happen-I’m saying can we stop using it as a downplayed trope in movies aimed at male audiences so they can affirm the notion in their heads that their unsolicited penises are ultimately the all-powerful decider of whether or not a woman is a “strong female character". And honestly, I can never totally trust a film which has the word “snowflake incorporated into its dialogue non-ironically either.
SHIT TIER
Maniac (Franck Khalfoun, 2012)
I was doing this post in chronological order, but I had to scroll down a little to find a film I’d assigned to shit tier because Part 1 wouldn’t feel complete without a little bit of a roast. When it comes to films, I don’t think I’m that harsh a critic-even if I don’t personally enjoy something, I ordinarily try to look for at least a couple of positives, especially if it’s a film other people really like. I assume I’m the problem (sounds a bit like a description of my day to day life tbh xoxo) and try to work out why I feel disappointed. Something has to be baaaad, like painful to sit through, either in terms of cringe factor or just straight up boring, for me to allow myself to put it in shit tier. Somehow, this was both of those things to me, and I am absolutely fucking baffled by how much other horror fans seem to love it?
I watched Ryan Hollinger’s video on this, who I loveee and agree with 90% of the time on his opinions, and yet I feel like I watched a completely different film because he made it seemed so smart and nuanced when for me it was a very superficial portrayal of…maniac-ism? Maniacalness? I suppose the term is mania but that would be misguided, as I would say the title refers more to the colloquial use of the word which is more closely tied to a term like psychopath or sociopath than actual manic symptoms. If the director and writer truly thought this was what mania is, that would add another layer of offence to this film and we owe them more credit than that.
Yes, you could say I owe them more credit than to label this superficial too because what do I know, I wasn’t there when they were writing the script or filming, or what kind of direction they gave? Maybe it’s all on Elijah Wood’s acting, which feels like a bit of a blasphemous suggestion considering how much he looks like my only long-term famous crush (ew, it feels very Mizz/Shout magazine saying that but it’s my truth!!!), my boy Daniel Radcliffe, but I really don’t know because tbf, I haven’t seen him in anything else to make the comparison. All I can say is that everything about this film was just cheesy as fuck to me, and I don’t think there was a single character who didn’t feel one dimensional, even Elijah Wood’s lead. That’s quite the feat-we spent THE ENTIRE FILM FROM HIS CHARACTER’S POINT OF VIEW and even got a horrible voiceover to go with it. How do you take that approach and still end up producing a villain ripped from the first draft of a horror novel written by a 13 year old just dipping their toes into the genre for the first time? I feel bad saying it because who knows, the writer might otherwise be great but idk. It’s frustrating because I can see the vision behind this film and what it was meant to be, but it’s just too glossy and Hollywood for me. A little bit of grime and grit would do wonders.
Tenet (Christopher Nolan, 2020)
Please, someone tell me why every Christopher Nolan film feels like I’m being mansplained to for like 2 hours straight.
Apart from Interstellar. Interstellar is incredible. I don’t know what happened there. I guess I was watching Dark on Netflix at the time so all the dimension hopping, paradox stuff, as daunting as it is to think about, was a point of intrigue for me anyway, and that helped me stay engaged enough to understand what was going on. Interstellar’s balancing out of all the theoretical stuff with the simpler exploration of the family dynamic is how you pull off a narrative revolving around such an abstract concept. You need a grounding force, which Tenet was severely lacking.
EuuUurgh.
Maybe I’m about to make some film buffs real mad by coming in with this rant straight after I slagged off Maniac but I had to find another shit film tier to include in this post otherwise it would’ve all felt a bit anticlimactic. Does it give context though, of how patient I am with films, when I say I have never been this close to walking out of the cinema in my life as I was with Tenet? For starters, there was just 0 substance behind all the technical stuff, which in itself was set out in a bunch of incredibly dull, uncreative expositional scenes, only further confirmation to me that even Chris Nolan himself didn’t have much of an idea what all the physics shit meant beyond the guidance he must have received from some kind of research consultant. I don’t think any of the characters were developed beyond chill action bro, and don’t even get me started on the one prominent woman in the film having the singular characterisation of...whiney. No humour, no heart, just flashy imagery and !pls, someone tell me how clever I am! dialogue. I hate criticising an editing team because they’re generally so underappreciated, but dear god the sound mixing in this was awful too. Like as if it wasn’t all confusing enough anyway, I couldn’t actually hear half of what the characters were saying during the exposition dumps. Trash. I’m sorry!
I wish I had a less controversial shit tier film to end on, one we could all cheers to being trash about because now I’m sure if this post does get any feedback it’ll be in the form of an inbox full of people messaging to tell me how if I truly knew X Y and Z about physics, THEN I’d appreciate Tenet. Baby, who goes to the cinema for a physics lesson? You can incorporate some science-y stuff and still make it entertaining. There’s a ton of things being researched which have the potential to be mind-blowingly cool on screen if you don’t just have your characters relay it in a chunk of monotonous dialogue like the Adobe acrobat read aloud function. From the many, many times I’ve lied to myself that I have thoroughly understood and memorised a research paper assigned as seminar prep using that thing whilst doing my makeup for said seminar, I know an interrupted flow of jargon goes right over the head. I am a visual learner, and no amount of Clémence Poésy (and there wasn’t enough of her anyway) can change that.
Sorry! This was supposed to be a closing sentiment and yet I ended up moaning about Tenet again. It’s just that the cinema is REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE WITHOUT THE COMPARE THE MEERKAT DISCOUNT OKAY, and this was the first post-COVID film my sister and I saw before we went into lockdown again, like, 2 months later. Tragic stuff.
Assuming that all the posts will be around this length, this should be one of a four part post. If it seems long, see it as a process of me testing the waters of writing film content when it takes me about 3 separate sittings to get through one these days and so I’m watching way less than I used to over much longer periods of time. It’s also justttt come out this week that Netflix is bringing in adverts and it’s contributed to all the meh feelings I have about cinema at the moment. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places, but it just seems to be such a bad time for original content? Streaming services are all focused on being the ones to secure the rights to the next Bridgerton or You or whichever series gets binge watched to oblivion and cinema is 99% Marvel/DC blockbusters. You can’t spontaneously sit down and browse Netflix and happen across an instant classic. I really should not be surprised that the film industry is also going down the profit before literally everything else route, but it is rather depressing when the creative industries clearly start to feel the burn too. It would also help if I stopped falling asleep in the cinema because I ate too much beforehand and my body just does not know what to do with that amount of food. Seriously. It has happened like, 7/10 times I’ve been to the cinema over the last 6 months I’d say, even when I’m actually enjoying something. I am becoming more and more of an old woman every day, it’s true. But anyway, another one of these to come soon and I’ve got some fashion centred stuff I want to get out in between, with what I hope are shorter interim periods too now that my first year is over. I will still have to sell my soul to retail over the summer, but I should have some spare brain cells left to write! So, all that being said, thank you if you read this far, I hope I didn’t go on toooo much, and as always, my inbox is always open:)
Lauren x
#film#cinema#stills#letterboxd#reviews#movies#tier ranking#opinion#don't kill me#tiers#netflix#recently watched#tenet#horror#horror fan#oscars#critic#women in film#female directors#women directors#Emma stone#rob pattinson#Robert eggers#cinematography
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Exiting Narrator
#wayneradiotv#rtvs#peepy#hollowtones#hollow_tones#mastergir#weed#Jackass Forever#El narrador se ha cerrado#windows#Big Peepy#White cell Bong#Tony Soprano#tr0g#Logmore#Mario
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How I'm Imagining You
Pairing: Sam x female!reader
Warnings: 18+ ONLY! Marijuana mention, alcohol consumption, explicit sexual content
Word Count: 3200
Summary: “So, are you still interested in showering? Or is something else on your mind?” I ask. He gives me a playful grin right before closing the gap between us in two quick strides."
What's worse? Losing your roommate on such a short notice? Or finding a new one within 48 hours that you know almost nothing about?
Authors Note: Requests are open :) <3
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“Like that?” He asked from behind me, his lips at my ear as he jut his hips forward over and over, still a little sloppy from the 3…5…8? shots of whiskey we’d ingested earlier. The 2…3…4? rips off the communal bong probably didn’t help either.
“Yeah. Right there. God, don’t stop” I breathed, barely above a whisper hand gripping the headboard, nail beds turning white. The bass from the music downstairs at the party reverberating through every cell in my body.
I’d love to tell you that ‘I don't usually do this’ and to be fair that would have been true of me a few months ago. The whole post break up bender is really not my style but if sex drugs and rock n’ roll chase the pain away then call me Keith Richards.
“Fuck, you’re so hot.” I could feel his breath on my neck, his long hair mingling with the strands of mine. The second I arched my back, giving him access to go deeper, we both gasped.
“I-I’m gonna come.” I moaned. I don’t remember much about how we got into this bed together but what I can recall is a lot of clumsy foreplay, a verbal and enthusiastic ‘yes’ from both parties, and one more shot of whisky each from his flask, I’m not positive that we even exchanged names. At least I don’t remember his. I’m sure it’d been minutes since we’d stumbled up the stairs but it felt like much longer.
I could feel the muscles of his abdomen harden against my back and his legs go stiff. I knew he was close and before I could say anything, he was doubled over me, panting and moaning; coming into the condom.
“Nooo, no no no wait, come onnnn, I was almost there” I dropped my forehead on top of my hand where it was gripping the headboard. I rolled my eyes and sloughed him off of me. ��You selfish little shit” I mumbled, getting up to stumble around naked, looking for my jeans.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it, you felt so good, Specks.” He slurred. I cringe at the stupid nickname he’d given me from earlier that night. Very original. I pushed my glasses up my nose and turned around to throw a pillow at him. “Hey wait, come back, I want you to finish, come on,” He crawls to my side of the bed and reaches out to grab my hips.
“Pleaseeeee” I huff out a laugh, prying his hands off me. “I’m good. My shower head at home will get the job done just fine. You had your chance.”
“Ouch” He groans, falling back onto the bed, stabbing an invisible knife into his chest. I let my eyes linger there for a moment. Admiring the rise and fall of his chest. The way the soft, warm light from the salt lamp on the bedside table made his sun kissed skin glow the most mesmerizing shade of bronze. A brown quartz pendant rested between his collar bones. And then a loud burp from said chest snapped me back into reality. I looked around the bedroom for the rest of my things, stepping over abandoned beer bottles and discarded sweatshirts.
“Where the fuck is my shirt?” I grumble, tossing his pants out of my way as I stumble around the dark room. Getting cross faded always sounds like a good idea until you have to focus on literally anything. Giving up, I grab the first shirt I can find in the disaster that is this bedroom floor. ‘I went to Las Vegas and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.’ Perfect.
“Goodnight-” I begin, but stop short as I look back one more time to see him already half asleep.
_______one month later________
“No, fuck YOU” I yell as the large wooden door to my apartment slams shut. The picture hanging to the right of the door shook against the wall. I flip my middle finger at the photo and pull it from the nail, tossing the photo of me and my ex-roommate into the garbage, frame and all.
I’ll spare you the details of the absolute nightmare that was Kirsten. Living with her was fun until it wasn't. Kirsten was the worst brand of ostentatious. The kind of girl you’re excited to hang out with until she opens her mouth about how she shared a drink with Hozier (during her study abroad trip, because of course she studied abroad) while he was still just playing in tiny pubs in Ireland.
The hunt was on, yet again and I was starting to think I was cursed. Like I was the ‘Good Luck Chuck’ of roommates. First Tom transfers to a school out of state, then Amanda moves in with her boyfriend and finally things with Kirsten come to a fiery, combusting end after months of increasing, palpable tension. And not the sexy kind.
The next morning I posted an ad looking for a new roommate. With Kirsten’s on-brand, ergo incredibly inconsiderate surprise departure, I was desperate for someone to help split the cost of rent. I had four days until the start of a new month. Four days to find a roommate. Fortunately, I wasn't new to this game. I was, however, dreading the process of wading through dozens of applicants, exhausting myself with the chore of borderline stalking these individuals on every platform imaginable. So, naturally I was shocked when I checked my inbox that evening to only 2 new applicants. The first was Abby Williams. She looked nice enough but upon further investigation planned on ‘figuring out a job situation in a few weeks’. Lets just say I needed a tad more reliability when it came to things like, I don't know, paying the bills.
The only other applicant that had come in was a guy named Sam. No last name. No photo. No way to find him on social media. Really nothing to go off of other than the short blurb he’d added to his email:
“Looking for a place close to the train. Full time job. I pay rent on time and I’m pretty clean. Benefits of choosing me: access to a substantial vinyl collection from someone with top tier music taste and maker of the best goddamn margarita you'll ever drink *confirmed.”
I woke up the next morning to a whopping 0 new applications. Therefore, without giving it too much more thought, I texted the number in Sam’s email.
________two days later _________
It’s move-in day. Sam texted and said he was on his way, so here I am, anxiously awaiting his arrival. He seemed as normal as anyone can be over text and I was praying for the best. The questions were starting to flood my mind. What does he look like? What if we hate each other? I know I’m desperate but is this really the right way to go about finding a new roommate? I was starting to feel a pit in my stomach that maybe this was a mistake. I couldn’t stop pacing the kitchen, constantly fiddling with the dish towel hanging on the oven door and rearranging the stack of coupons that came in the mail that I keep meaning to recycle.
I hear a faint tap on the door and my heart drops. Why am I nervous? I can hear Sam’s feet shuffling around just beyond the door. Maybe he’s just as nervous as I am. “Please don’t ‘Ted Bundy’ me.” I whisper to myself as I open the door with a smile on my face, begging myself internally for it to come off as sincere. The second we lock eyes, I get the strangest feeling of deja vu I’ve ever experienced. He seems to sense something too, because everything he was holding in his arms quickly scatters across the entryway.
“Shit” He mutters, instantly dropping to his knees to gather the items into the large cardboard box he’d been balancing in one arm. “Sorry about that.” he chuckles.
“No sweat” You kneel, picking up a salt lamp you’re shocked didn’t chip the hardwood. “Welcome home, I guess” you smile again. He stares back, taking just a single beat before smiling and responding.
“Yeah, thanks.” He raises his hand like he’s reaching to shake yours but pulls back as if he’s second guessing his gesture, sliding it into his pocket instead. “Uh, thanks for agreeing to let me move in with such short notice.”
“Oh no, really, like I said, it's you who's doing me the favor here. I was about to be completely fucked for rent if you hadn’t come along.”
“Win, win then” he offers, smiling again.
_______________________
Moving Sam in went incredibly smoothly. Once I showed him where his room and our shared bathroom were, I followed him downstairs to help him unload.
“Hey! There she is!” I heard the voice before I saw who it was coming from. Well, I saw the back end of him first. The body attached to said voice came shimmying out, ass first, of the trunk of a white Jeep truck; microwave in his arms. “I’m Josh. Sam’s brother.” he beamed.
“Nice to meet you” I couldn’t help but return a wide, authentic smile. The man gave off the energy of sunshine personified. The three of us made a few trips up and down the elevator, both of them laughing at my genuine shock at how few items Sam really owned.
“I guess I’m one of those modern minimalists” he smirked, wagging his eyebrows at me, clearly waiting for me to praise him for this fact.
“Hmm.” I breathe. “Could never be me” Josh’s cackle echoes in the small elevator, his head tossing back, curls shaking wildly. Sam sends a playful punch to his brother's arm.
“Hey, I’m counting on you to humble his pretentious ass like that again as much as possible” Josh hugs you both before heading out and then it’s just you and Sam again.
“How do you feel about pizza for dinner?” Sam asks “I feel like pizza is some sort of unspoken requirement on moving days”. He dials the phone for the nearest pizza place and we both agree we hadn’t realized how hungry we were until it was time to order. Over dinner we got to know each other a bit more, I learned that Sam was in a band, hence his love of music. He had recently broken things off with a long term girlfriend a few months ago and had two other siblings besides Josh. The more we talked, stuffing our faces, the more I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something so familiar about him.
After our greasy dinner, Sam fell into a well deserved food coma. I quietly cleaned up the living room a bit and I headed to the shower to wash away the sweat of the day and the pizza grease from my hands.
I turn the shower on and let it warm up a bit before stepping in. Trying my best to be courteous and not wake Sam, I practically tiptoe around the apartment. My efforts may have been for not, however, because he’s half on the couch, half on the floor, snoring with a plate of pizza still in his hand. Am I worrying about grease stains on the rug? Yes. Is the sight of him in this state breathtakingly charming? Also, yes.
While the shower is warming, I step into my room to grab a change of clothes to take into the bathroom with me. I grab my favorite sweatpants, this corny Las Vegas t-shirt, and a change of panties.
I finished up my shower and stepped out, drying off my body. Before I could even blink twice—Sam was standing in the doorway, naked.
“Oh fuck! I am so sorry, I had no idea you were even here still”, he says, clenching his eyes closed. He’s cupping his junk in one hand and covering his eyes with the other, holding back a laugh.
I spin back to face the shower, cheeks turning bright red as I clutch the towel closer to my still dripping body. “It was bound to happen at some point, don’t worry yourself too much”
Although he wasn’t looking at me, I did catch a close glimpse of him before turning away. That deja vu feeling hit me like a ton of bricks again. Is it just me that has this feeling? Does he notice it too?
The room fills with a strange, yet somehow comfortable silence. Neither of us have moved. We both just stand there, feet apart from each other, my back to him- his eyes closed—or so I thought.
I chance a look over my shoulder to assess the situation and to my surprise he’s staring back at me. That’s when I notice it–his pendant. It was the same brown quartz pendant from a few weeks ago at that frat party. Should I say something? Does he even remember me? Or will he think I’m crazy for remembering him for such a small detail? I decide to see how far I can take this curiosity.
“So, are you still interested in showering? Or is something else on your mind?” I ask. He gives me a playful grin right before closing the gap between us in two quick strides. I gasp as he grabs me. One hand on my hip, guiding me, the other around my throat, pinning me to the bathroom wall. This is a very different version of him than I experienced the first time, but I’m going to let this play out.
I watch his eyes flicker down to my lips a few times, both of our mouths open, breath mingling in the inch of space between us. Surprising me again, Sam picks me up, arms hooked under my knees, and forcefully sits me on the bathroom counter. He’s panting now as his fingers slowly trace down, closer to my core. All the while, not once breaking eye contact. He raises one eyebrow, simultaneously darting his tongue out to wet his lips, silently asking for permission to continue the work his fingers have started. I nod once, eagerly giving in. His cheek is pressed to mine then, fingers finally reaching their destination. As soon as he feels me, he’s moaning in my ear, “fuck you’re so wet already, what’s got you in such a good mood?” That does it for me and I reach between us, quickly grabbing his dick and start stroking it, up and down, as I watch him start to unravel before me. I slow my motions, careful to not let him get there yet. I learned my lesson the first time. But has he?
He starts kissing my neck, then, biting playfully every so often, followed by a light press against my throat with his thumb. With each move he makes, I can feel myself growing thirstier and thirstier for him. His hand moves its way down my body, grabbing my breasts by the handful and flicking his tongue against the hardened buds of my nipples. I let out a strangled moan and his eyes find mine again “Yeah? I know you like that.” he teases.
My head tips back as he drops to his knees in front of me, grabbing my hips. The veins on the tops of his hands protruding in the most obscene way. Pulling my center against his face almost sends me into orbit. I can feel his every breath against me, and damn was he good at this. While tracing a figure eight with his tongue through my folds, he starts pumping two fingers in and out of me, grabbing and pulling my hips closer to himself with his free hand. “Feels so good, Sam. Just a little longer” I breathe. He stops to take a breath and kisses his way back up my torso, reaching my lips again. As the kiss deepens, I tug on his bottom lip with my teeth, causing him to huff out a breath directly into my mouth.
“Fuck it” he smiles and lifts me up again. I squeal as he brings us both (shockingly gracefully) down to the floor. My back immediately arches off the tile and I inhale a sharp breath.
“Cold!” I whimper “cold, cold cold cold cold!”
“Shit, sorry” he laughs and pulls my discarded towel to lay under my back. Now normally, I’d prefer the bed. But fuck, something about him is so intoxicating that I cant bring myself to care. “Do you, uhh?” He looks around the room.
“Oh shit, yeah- under the sink.” He opens the cupboard door and roots around until he finds the box of condoms. Ripping one open with his teeth, he slips it on and I watch as he slowly rolls it on. I know he knows I’m staring because he really seems to be making a show of it. He starts kissing me again and I can feel myself getting more and more restless.
“Please, Sam just fuck me.” I practically beg. He sucks hard on my neck once more before lining himself up with me and starts pumping in and out at a perfect pace.
“Fuck you feel so good, I fit perfectly” He groans, his lips brushing my ear.
“Oh my god” I whine. My back starts arching, legs start shaking, and before I know it, I blurt out “I’m gonna come Sam, just a little more”, I reach a hand down between us to rub fast, small circles over my clit. His hand knocks mine out of the way and he replaces it with his own.
“No, no” he smirks at me. “I’m finishing right this time.” And there it is. The confirmation of questions left unasked. He does recognize me. I start to laugh in knowing response, but it’s cut short and replaced by a borderline pornographic moan as he lifts my leg up around his hip, causing him to go even deeper, hitting that spot inside me at the most perfect angle. “Come on. Let go, baby” He encourages me as his pace picks up a bit. I start seeing stars, letting my release wash over me. I feel that tingling warmth start like a fire in my belly and spread over my entire body. Before I know it, he’s doubled over me again, coming into the condom. We lay there for a moment, catching our breath as he strokes my hair.
He gently slips out of me and I hiss at the feeling of loss. He stands up and reaches his hand down to help me up. On his face is the most irritatingly sexy, shit-eating grin. He reaches around me to turn the shower back on. “Now, was that better than your showerhead?”
Part 2 is out now, you can read it here!
#gvf smut#greta van fleet fic#greta van fleet fan fiction#great van fleet smut#sam kiszka#sam gvf smut#sam kiszka smut#Jake kiszka smut#josh kiszka smut#Danny Wagner smut#sam kiszka fic#great van fic
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May 4, 2021: The Host (2006) (Recap)
NO NOT THAT ONE
Stephanie Meyer goddamn sucks. I realize that I’m not exactly the first person to say that, but she’s terrible. Not only is she not a good writer, but she also has some very disparaging views about science fiction and its fans, which led her to make her own science fiction book and film. ANd yeah...it’s terrible! No surprise there.
So, no, not the 2013 critical and commercial flop known as The Host. No, this post is about 2006′s The Host, AKA Gwoemul, AKA 괴물. I haven’t ventured to far into the world of Korean cinema, and with this film, my repertoire includes only the films of director Bong Joon-Ho. And if that name sounds familiar...it should.
Bong Joon-ho DESERVEDLY made headlines last year when his film became the first non-English language film to win for Best Picture, and the first time Asian writers won for best screenplay! His Oscar speech in accepting best director is genuinely one of the best and most sincere speeches I’ve ever heard from a director, and I love the dude.
Oh, and if you’re wondering which film it was, then, like me, you also really need to watch Parasite. And because I’m terrified of spoilers, I’m not gonna look for GIFs of that movie. Instead, I’ll put in a GIF of one of my favorite sci-fi films, and the only other Bong Joon-ho film I’ve seen.
God, I love Snowpiercer. And if this is anything like that, I’m probably going to love this movie. Now, I don’t really know much about this film, other than the fact that it’s a monster film. And if there’s any science-fiction subgenre more iconic than monster films, I don’t know it. Well...OK, aliens, robots, and more, but monster films are still a big part of the genre. But where does that begin? Is it here?
Definitely an argument you can make, since Frankenstein’s Monster is a creation of science gone wrong, from the book to the movie. Fun fact, Mary Shelley based it on a real-world experiment by Italian physiologist Giovanni Aldini, who used a corpse to illustrate the connection between electricity and muscles. Neat, huh? So, yeah, that’s a solid launching point.
But that’s more of a horror story. What about something a little more monster-y? Well, from the UK to Japan we go!
OHHHHHH YEAH, THAT’S THE GOOD STUFF
Toho’s 1954 film Gojira is one of the most classic monster films ever made, and singlehandedly launched the kaiju genre in Japan. And it’s really well-known that it was made as a response to post-World War II tensions about nuclear warfare. Which, in Japan, is kind of understandable, no? But nothing demonstrated the destructive power of science more than that moment in history.
So, Godzilla arrives. And the US also makes more monster movies, most of which take place in contemporary settings, making many of them lo-fi sci-fi. Now, some dipped into horror or fantasy, but the science fiction roots were there. Which eventually would bring us full circle to films where monsters were made and go loose. You know, like this:
It’s a franchise that defines the ‘90s, and lab-grown monster movies exploded around that time as well. At the same time, environmental concerns REALLY started to build by this point, and those concerns leaked profusely into film all over the world. And by the time we get to 2006...well, let’s get into it, huh?
SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Recap
In a mortuary, a U.S. military doctor (Scott Wilson) instructs his assistant (Brian Lee) to dump bottles of formaldehyde down the drain of the facility, which goes directly into the Han River. The assistant protests, but the doctor insists, despite the risk of polluting the river. AAAAAmericans.
In the river about two years later, two fisherman see something strange looking in the river. Then, four years later, in 2006, a suicidal man is about to jump into the river, when he sees something dark in the water below.
Later that year, we meet Park Hee-bong (Byun Hee-Bong) and his son Park Gang-du (Song Kang-ho), who run a food truck and snack bar near the river. Gang-du’s not exactly a hard worker, to his father’s chagrin. His daughter, Hyun-seo (Go Ah-sung), is a student who comes home from school, where her drunken uncle Nam-il (Park Hae-il) comes to her chagrin. She and her father watch TV, where his sister Nam-joo (Bar Doona) can be seen competing in archery.
As he’s bringing food out to customers, he joins them in observing something strange and massive hanging off of the bridge. And at this point, I would be running the fuck away. Literally, the news just said that there was a body found with the legs missing, and these people are throing cans at it after it plunges into the water. One girl asks if it’s a dolphin. Mother...HAVE YOU SEEN A DOLPHIN BEFORE?
NOT THIS
Yeah, this thing just comes bounding along the shore, slapping people into the water with its tail, and batting aside others. Doesn’t look like its actively killing anybody yet, but it’s definitely hurting people at least. That is, until it goes into a trailer where a bunch of people have gathered, and appears to eat a bunch of them. So, yeah, dangerous.
Gang-du, to his infinite credit, actually attempts to confront and hurt the creature, with the help of Donald White (David Joseph Anselmo). And it works, but at the cost of the creature aggro-ing onto him. Back at the snack truck, his sister’s lost the title, much to the chagrin of Gang-du’s daughter and father. She goes outside in frustration, only to be thrown into the midst of the chaos with her dad. He grabs a girls hand in the chaos, only to find that it’s a different child entirely. And...unfortunately...
The creature grabs her with its tail, and leaps back into the river, disappearing. Fuck. Poor Hyun-seo, and poor Gang-du. Gang-du IMMEDIATELY goes to get her back, jumping into the river, but the creature takes her across to an island, out of reach. That night, an impromptu funeral is held for the victims, at which Hyun-seo is being honored as well. There, both Gang-du’s sister and brother also attend, and all four of the break down dramatically and publicly.
Nam-il blames his brother for letting her die, which is unfair, but understandable. The family eventually calms down and discusses the circumstances of Hyun-Seo’s birth and death, both of which were accidental. As they do, a man in a protective suit comes out, and asks who was at the river incident. Nam-il protests this, and asks what’s going on. The man doesn’t explain, and the room is instead gassed, as everyone is ushered towards the entrance.
In the process, Gang-du (stupidly) reveals that he was hit by some blood splatter. He’s immediately stuffed in a bag and kidnapped by the authorities. Meanwhile, the news reveals that the creature is carrying a virus, and anyone who has been in contact with it has been infected. Because of this, the entire family is taken to a quarantine hospital, which oddly has very few actual quarantine procedures in place. And additionally, Gang-du is feeling a bit itchy.
That night, in the hospital, Gang-du gets a call on his cell phone! It’s Hyun-seo! She’s alive! And she’s trapped, in a sewer somewhere near the river. Meanwhile, a group of men in protectve suits are outside patrolling the river. One man finds money on the side of the road, and goes to pick it up, only for the men to be attacked by the creature. But it’s then that we discover that the creature is not killing or eating people, but simply taking them own to its lair. Also in said lair is Hyun-seo, trapped and with a now dead phone.
The next day, the family tries to get an officer to look into the call, only for the officer to be, frankly, an absolute piece of shit to this grieving family. Gang-du tries to explain, and his explanation is ENTIRELY RATIONAL, but the officer and doctors are absolutely terrible about it.
Because nobody’s listening, the family manages to escape from the hospital in order to try and save Hyun-Seo, and they hop into a van, taking it and running. This is a good place to mention that, despite this being a monster movie, it's also...weirly funny sometimes. Like, that whole scene is pretty great. After bartering with a group of gangsters for supplies (and after Hee-bong basically gives away all of his credit cards), the group manages to get a map and a new car. But they pretty quickly get stopped at a checkpoint into the city, and are nearly caught, but manage to escape and get to the riverfront. Once there, they begin searching the sewers to find Hyun-seo. And I gotta say; this may be an extremely dysfunctional family, but they’re a devoted family all the same.
Of course, that eventually gives way to arguments within the sewer itself, but that’s interrupted by a noise heard somewhere around them. They fire at it, using weapons obtained from the gangster but conclude that it was nothing. What it actually is is two brothers, older Se-jin (Lee Jae-eung) and younger Se-joo (Lee Dong-ho), homeless kids who are foraging the sewers in the abandoned city. But, of course, they eventually run into the creature, which attacks them. Meanwhile, an asleep Hyun-Seo dreams of dinner with her family, only to be woken up by the arrival of the creature, who deposits the bodies of the two boys in the sewer with her. Se-joo has survived, but Se-jin hasn’t, sadly.
Meanwhile, the rest of the family is gathered at their snack bar for the night, and prepares to set out or the morning. The to younger siblings appear to not give a single shit about Gang-du, but Hee-bong attempts to set them straight, talking about how he blames himself for the way Gang-du is now. However, the two just fall asleep during his speech. Poor Hee-bong. Also, he can apparently identify Gang-du’s health condition based on his farts because they spend so much time together, it’s dumb, and funny.
Also, poor the rest of them, because Gang-du wakes up to see the creature just waiting outside, watching them. Hee-bong fires at it, but the creature attacks and knocks over the bar. However, Hee-bong manages to hit it directly in the head, knocking it off, but not killing it. The family goes out to finish the job, but it runs away before they can kill it. They run after it, and are almost completely out of bullets. Hee-bong volunteers to go after it himself, but in the process...
Hee-bong doesn’t make it. The creature kills him, and the commotion attracts the military to their location. Gang-du is again captured, while Nam-il and Nam-joo escape, only to later be separated regardless. Meanwhile, the virus kills Donald White, the sergeant from earlier, and it continues to spread across Korea. To kill the creature, the government plans to release a chemical into the river called Agent Yellow, which feels...controversial.
Nam-il meats a colleague, “Fat Guevara” (Yam Pil-sung), who is easily able to provide a location for Hyun-seo using the number, which the cop earlier insisted was nearly impossible to do. Plus, both the sergeant and Gang-du encountered the creature together, and he seems to be just fine. Which probably means that something very wrong is happening now. Even worse, though, is the fact that Guevara’s appeared to trap Nam-il, as a massive reward is sought for his arrest. A gang of people surround hi, with the plan to capture him, but he VERY cleverly escapes by causing an electrical short, and AFTER having found Hyun-seo’s location! Nice, man! He takes off, now knowing exactly where his niece is.
Nam-joo, meanwhile, is literally living inside of the snack bar, and she gets a text from Nam-il with her location. He tags out, and she tags in, running to the location where the call came from. But she immediately runs into the creature, which knocks her down and unconscious. She manages to call Gang-du, who is currently about to be sedated. Now knowing where his daughter is, he tries to escape, only to be tackled by the doctors. He tells them where she is, but they don’t appear to listen. More importantly, the anesthetic doesn’t appear to work, much to the confusion of the doctors. Something is verrrrrrrry wrong here.
An American doctor (Paul Lazar) comes, and asks what’s wrong, and he tells him exactly what’s wrong. However, despite his words SEEMING to be heard, they once again call him crazy and delusional, and decide to give him a lobotomy to isolate the virus once and for all, like FUCKING ASSHOLES. Turns out that the virus? Yeah, it doesn’t exist whatsoever! It doesn’t exist even a little bit! Which means that this entire thing is a wild goddamn goose chase for a virus that DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST!!!
And the best thing is that Gang-du, despite not actually knowing English, still understands the words “no virus”, and know he fucking knows! However, because he knows, they now have to give him a lobotomy. Fuck me, man. Panicking, he cries for them to stop, and cries for his daughter, who’s still alive in the sewer.
Speaking of, Hyun-seo and Se-joo are bonding in the sewer, as they work to make a rope from things they find there. But in the process, they’re attacked by the creature, who know is actively eating the bodies, and presumably other people. Whoof. They manage to escape, but barely.
Back with Gang-du, who’s just gone through the lobotomy, which...hasn’t worked at all. Holy SHIT. Not sure what the hel is UP with this dude, but that’s a question in and of itself. He escapes by taking a nurse hostage, threatening them with a syringe of his blood, full of a virus that doesn’t exist!
Nam-il wakes up at the same time, not accompanied by a homeless man (Yoon Je-moon), who agrees to take him to the bridge to find Hyun-seo. In the sewer, the two kids have survived, and the creature appears to be asleep. Like a GODDAMN BOSS, she runs up the creatures back, and jumps onto a rope that she had made, and that was hanging far out of her reach. Unfortunately...the creature catches her with its tail. Fuck. It sets her down, and...lets her go? But as soon as she runs, it attacks bother her and Se-joo.
Just then, Gang-du gets to the lair, and uses the rope to climb down. Below him is a pile of bones, and no kids to be seen. The creature goes by, and Hyun-seo’s hand is dangling out of its mouth. And once again by coincidence, that’s when Nam-joo wakes up and reunites with her brother. The creature runs to the waterfront, only to be greeted by...a crowd? They’re gathered there to protest the release of the dangerous chemical into the river.
It all collides at once. The creature swims towards the crowd, Gang-du runs towards the creature, Agent Yellow is released over them both, causing the creature to faint. Gan-du runs up and grabs the bodies of his daughter and See-joo from its mouth, apparently too fucking late. Shit, man. This would’ve been avoided if they just HELPED him. Fuck. He carries her body away as more chemical is released onto the flailing creature, and the chemical causes everyone else in the area to violently hemorrhage as well. Meanwhile, Nam-il and Nam-joo arrive to see their deceased niece, grieving all over again. It’s...fuck, man, it sucks.
And Gang-du is fucking PISSED NOW. He grabs a street sign and attacks the injured creature, fueled by pure rage. Nam-il joins in with Molotov cocktails as it runs away. The homeless man douses it with gasoline, and that makes it easier for Nam-il to set it on fire...until he drops the bottle. And then, Nam-joo uses it to light an arrow on fire, hitting the creature with it, and setting it ablaze. It runs to the water, only for Gang-du to stab it through the head with the street sign, finally killing it in revenge for his father and his daughter. Fucking bad-ASS. And also quite tragic, given the circumstances.
And despite the tragedy, there is one happy circumstance: Se-joo lives! In fact, Hyun-seo died saving his life, like the real goddamn hero of this story that she is. Fuck. That’s terrible, but I’m happy that her sacrifice wasn’t in vain. From here, we fast-forward to the winter, where a clean-shaven and well-kept Gang-du is is now caring for Se-joo. The news is on in the background, but the two ignore it, happily eating together after the ordeal they’ve been through.
Whoof. That’s The Host, or Gwoemul! And yeah, that’s one hell of a movie, I tell you what. For a monster movie, it’s quite dramatic, and they don’t try to humanize the monster AT ALL. And honestly, I really like it! A Pyrrhic victory at the end, but nothing wrong with that! I’ll elaorate a bit in the review! See you there!
#the host 2005#bong joon-ho#song kang-ho#byun hee-bong#park hae-il#bae doona#go ah-sung#gwoemul#괴물#science fiction may#sci-fi may#user365#365 movie challenge#365 movies 365 days#365 Days 365 Movies#365 movies a year#korean cinema
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Griselda’s Story
Part 35 Mt Komorebi
Griselda could not believe she will not be a teenager any more, her teen life has been a roller coaster and she is hopeful that being an adult will give her more stability. Zemira was working all day on her cake and trying to make it a special day for her. Griselda was starting to miss Ren and her old friends for a moment. She figured the two of them would be celebrating her birthday together along with her friends but she knew that it was not going to happen that way this year. It was just going to be her and Zemira for now. Ren is better off without her. Griselda swallowed back a sob . “It is for the best” she kept trying to tell herself. She focused her mind on something else. Winter Solstice is also today and she needs to get ready for the ceremony. Winter Solstice is almost like Christmas. Enjoying feasting, gift giving and decorating. Griselda got dressed in her festivity outfit for the coven to come together for a huge feast. Griselda always loved it that her birthday was on Winter Solstice which makes her feel powerful some how. Zemira was not interested in going to any of these things so she would have to go on her own.
When Griselda got back she changed into her regular clothes and Zemira had her cake sitting out. “Make a wish!” Griselda came over and thought about a wish. She could not think of nothing at that moment but once she got ready to blow out her candles something came to her mind. “I wish to be happy.” she blew out the candles. For a moment she felt happy looking at Luna and Storm. The two fur babies gathered for some cake as well and it made Griselda laugh! Griselda not happy here, she knows she was hiding from her real feelings and issues! How long was she going to hid before she was ready to face everything! She was not quite ready to face it all just yet, but soon. Griselda thought to herself “Why I am not ready to face it?” Something was holding her back but she could not put a finger on it. Zemira got Griselda’s attention. “Where did you go?” Griselda smiled “just trying to figuring something out.” Zemira looked nervous and Griselda was not sure why.
Later that day Griselda was tidying up the place when she heard a knock at the door. She went to open it and to her surprise. “Gemma!” She smiled at the sight of Griselda. “Happy Birthday Griselda!” Griselda smiled and hugged her best friend. “Come in.” Gemma came in and took her shoes off. “I see you got your candles out for Winter Solstice. At least your are still enjoying the holidays.” Griselda smiled. “I have always loved our holidays. I would not stop celebrating them.” Gemma gave her friend a smile. “Cute little place. I miss you. I wish you would come home.” Griselda frown. “Let just keep it happy okay.” Gemma nodded. “Sure.” The two talked for a while. Griselda was so happy Gemma came to visit. Zemira disappeared to give them some space. Griselda would have loved to have both her favourite sims to be here but it was perfect to have Gemma here for her birthday. They had an amazing time talking, it felt like old times. Gemma thought it would be best to head home before it got dark, as it would be a long ride back on her broom. Griselda was sad to hear that she had to go so soon but she knew she needed to get back home safely. “It was nice to see you.” They hugged goodbye and she was off.
Zemira showed up a few hours later and the girls went up to Griselda’s room. Zemira was feeling flirt, “Griselda your the most beautiful red head I have ever seen.” She brushed a piece of hair out of Griselda face while Griselda was finishing a drag off a joint. Zemira and Griselda was feeling buzzed from the weed and a few pills they had taken. Griselda was a little giddy. Zemira started to kiss Griselda and pushed her toward the bed. Griselda giggled again. “Focus beautiful.” Zemira said. Griselda buzz took in every touch. Griselda was not feeling like having sex but the more Zemira kissed her the more she started to get heated. Griselda laid back and enjoyed her taking charge, she let Zemira to do whatever pleased her.
The next morning Griselda felt awful, she was crashing hard and she was extremely hungry. Griselda did a line of coke on her desk. She remembered Zemira gave her animal heart. Griselda felt odd about it but Zemira re-insured Griselda that it was an animal’s heart which was no big deal! When she ate it tasted so good. It did hit the spot and she was not hungry anymore at least. She still felt weird about it, it tasted so much like human but she never had animal blood before so it could all taste the same. She got dressed for the day and really wanted to head to the slops again. Griselda enjoyed snowboarding a lot and it might be the only sport she could be good at. Once Griselda was dressed she headed down stairs. “Hey Zemira want to go to the mountain and go snowboarding?” Zemira looked like hell. “Na! Think I will stay here.” Griselda looked worried. “You okay?” Zemira gave her a smile. “Always. Do not worry over me.” Griselda nodded, she got her gear and headed to the slops. Griselda was finding Zemira’s behaviour a little off lately. She will have to check in on her again once she gets back. “It is probably best I just leave her be.” She said to herself.
Griselda went up and down the slops several times. She was having a blast. Her mind felt clear hitting the white powdered snow. “It must of snow up here last night” she said to herself. “The snow seems fresh.” Griselda was sitting on the chair lift thinking which she knew better not to. Gemma flirting with Ren bothered her more then she though. “Why could I not tell her? Why did I let it go on until I snap? She is my best friend and she would of understood.” Her mind swirled to Caleb. “I should of just broke up with him. He was just a rebound and I know it.” Griselda knew who she was in love with but she wants to be sure he wants the same think! She thinks he feels the same but it never has been really said out loud. She now has this thing going with Zemira which she should of never let it get this far. She likes her but she is just another rebound, someone to full around with. Griselda was starting to feel the drugs wear off. She was getting close to the top of the hill so she let all this stuff in her mind shut down for now so she could focus on getting off the chair lift and hit the ground with her board. She got in line and when she finally hit the hill all her thoughts went away and she left them at the top of the mountain.
When Griselda got back one of her clients were waiting for her when she arrived. She greeted her respectfully. “Hey there.” “Hey Griselda. I am looking for some weed, please.” Griselda nodded. She went and grabbed some for her. “Would you like to try some purple haze, promise you will like it. It is one of my favourite.” She smiled and paid Griselda for the bag. Griselda then went inside, she had no idea why but she popped a pill. She was going to try and lay off them, but once she gets to Zermira’s place that seems to be all she wanted to do. She took a hit off her bong before heading up to her room.
She laid on the bed for a bit when she heard her cell phone go off. She got up and picked up her phone from the desk. To her surprise it was Ren. She answered it not even thinking. “Hey.” Ren was a bit shocked she picked up. “Hey, Birthday Girl. I was just going to leave a voice mail for you. I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday Princess.” Griselda smiled at the nickname. She felt so happy to hear his voice. “How are you?” He asked. Griselda did not know how to answer really. “I am okay. You?” She could hear him sorta smile. “You always say that Princess. I am okay too. Just here in the Realm. We are doing a huge transformation to HQ.” Griselda was shocked “Really? I can not wait to see.” Ren laughed “it will be a while before it opened back to the public.” Griselda understood. “Ren, I miss you.” Ren seem to be taken back. “I miss you to Princess. When are you coming home?” Griselda paused for a moment. “I want to come home soon.” Ren voice sounded happy. “Good. I can not wait to see your house filled with life again.” Griselda felt the same. “I know we were next door to each other in Forgotten Hollow but i was never home. But you being in Glimmerbrook will be so much closer.” Griselda felt her heart tug a bit. “I know..” she said quietly trying not to cry. Ren was quiet for a moment. “Griselda we will talk more when we see each other again.” Griselda agreed. “Just find yourself Princess.” Hearing him saying that made her more determined than ever to get her life back on track. “I am sorry.” Ren laughed “about what?” Griselda choked on a sob. “Everything.” Ren voice came out so caring “Griselda you have nothing to be sorry for. Stop over thinking everything and putting so much on your shoulders to bare! Not everything is your fault. Okay?” Griselda nodded she forgot she was on the phone. “Okay.” She says. “Griselda I got to go. They need me. We will talk soon, Princess.” Griselda felt better, to hear he say he wanted to talk again help her realize that he did care! She really hated to hang up with him. “Very soon.” She blew him a kiss into the phone and he did the same. “Will miss you.” Ren laughed, “ Will miss you too. Later Princess.” He hung up. She held the phone close to her heart. She felt finally in her heart that she was mending her friendships back home which was making her feeling very home sick.
Griselda turned and Zemira was standing there. She looked a bit upset. “Why are you leaving? I thought I made you feel comfortable here?” Griselda felt a chill go down her back. Zemira came close to Griselda and went behind her. “You know.” As she faced Griselda in front of the mirror. “No one can love you like me.” Griselda blushed but she was feeling a bit nerves. Zemira’s energy did not feel right. “I want it to be just us you know.” Griselda felt she had to be careful what she said next. “I know you care for me. I am not going any where right now.” Zemira seem to soften up a bit. “Ren threw you away. You told me he did.” Griselda was a bit confused she knew she told her stuff but she had no recall of talking about Ren. “You told me everything one night while you were high. How you loved him but he pushed you away. How stupid of him. He has no idea who he had.” Griselda just smiled at her. “Aww thank you.” Zemira smiled. “Your mine. No one else’s.” Griselda got another chill from her. She thought to herself “what have I done. I should of never gotten involved with her. But I got to act normal. Zemira is not acting right” Zemira took Griselda towards the bed and helped Griselda out of her pants. Griselda was not interested but she did not want to do anything to provoke her further so she went along!
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getting shitfaced with tape daddy, DANKi, Mina “best girl” Ashido, and shark boi
you know I just had to include the entire bakusquad 🥰 because they ALL smoking some shit
😁 tape daddy sero 😄
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO REQUEST SERO
Okay so,,,Sero is basically a canon pothead cause 1. This boi is always smiling so he gotta be high 2. He radiates crackhead energy
Sero tells you that he only smokes because of his “anxiety” but,,,let’s be honest it’s the only way he knows how to survive U.A. anymore
He buys his shit from crackwhores in the support class who grow that shit themselves (present mic might have caught them but let them go after he “confiscated” the evidence)
One day, your tape daddy invites you for some Fortnite and Chill 😏
And there he goes with his rainbow bong again (it is his most prized possession and he would kill a man if anything happened to it)
He thinks it’s funny watching you cough your entire left nut out of your throat but then he starts coughing because of how hard he was laughing and now you both are just crying and whEEzing while the tears run down y’alls faces
such chaotic energy
Soy sauce boy will use his quirk to suspend himself off the roof and try to spooderman kiss you but you’re so out of it that you collide your face into his and now his nose is bleeding and he is WHEEZING AGAIN
hanTa
baBy
you’re getting blood on my Gucci Supreme rug
Y’all end up just laying on the floor at 4:20am, thinking about the reason for life and what happens after death and if the birds work for the bourgeoisie then is tokoyami a traitor ?!?
He gets sleepy and makes a hammock out of tape for the two of you to cuddle in
it wasn’t very sturdy tho
⚡️ danki ⚡️
first things first, this gif killed me 🤤 damn do you gulp pussy like that
uh
ANYWAY
Denki is pretty well-known to be a dumbass crackhead
Except he doesn’t need crack because all of his brain cells are already dead (There are only 2 brain cells in the bakusquad and the first one is all bakugou but sero,mina,denki, and kiri have to share the other one)
This boy gets high on the regular I mean sero is his best bro
kaminari prefers getting high by eating edibles or brownies tho because he’s a little pussy whose lungs can’t handle smoke all that much
he thought you two could play some mario kart and chill out and it would be a fun little date in the dorms
until you find a baggy of gummy edibles and y’all decided to inhale that shit
YALL GOT FUCKED UP
like
when I mean fucked
I mean ‘let’s sneak into shinsou’s dorm and steal his voice changer thingy and make some prank calls’ fucked up
first of all, never disturb shinsou while he’s sleeping because he will bitchslap the both of y’all so hard y’all’s momma feels it
you first started with calling Endeavour (you just asked shouto and he delivered and told y’all to ‘make the bastard cry if you can’)
oomf
Y’all used All Might’s voice and
“IT IS I, ALL MIGHT! CALLING TO ASK YOU...”IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY BROKEN? wELL yOu bEtter gO cAtcH iT [insert denki wheezing].”
for some reason, denki goes from being a really happy and jokey high to calming down and being unusually quiet
he’s what you call
“fake woke”
like he’ll go on and on about how we need to save the turtles and use metal straws as he takes a drinks from his plastic straw
he drinking La Croix 🤢
he talks about how the moon landing is fake and how you two are side characters in an anime like what ?!?
like he just quotes Shane Dawson Conspiracy Theory videos
“Uh What’s up you guys, Here’s Danki with another spooky conspiracy about how Midoryia was given All Might’s quirk and will be the next symbol of peace”
“Kami...that makes no sense. You can’t give other people quirks”
“What if...you ate their hair tho?😳”
“Denki...sTOP”
maybe he real woke 🤭
🌸 alien queen 🌸
this beautiful ball of sunshine
this gorgeous piece of cotton-candy
my wife
uwu
okay back to the h/c
Mina doesn’t get high a lot but when you hang out with Sero and Kaminari, you’re bound to get shitfaced
She only likes doing it as a group or with someone else
It’s just more enjoyable to her to be in that state with someone else
She feels like it brings friends closer together in a way
Which is why when you agreed to get high with her, she was so excited
she brought anything she could think of to make this a comfortable experience like snacks and drink if you get the munchies and the best movies to watch when you’re high like ‘Shrek’ and ‘Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle’
she has such a big fat lesbian crush on you
she just wants to be closer to you and spend all her time with you
she also really hopes you don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of pink of her room
You knock on the door of your cute pink crush and nervously hoping for the best tonight
maybe
if you’re lucky
you and her will 😏
cuddle 🥺
She opens the door so fast that you swear the door hinge cracked but you couldn’t think about that when Mina had the brightest toothy grin on her face as she pulls you into her comfy room
“I hope you like Shrek”
“I love Shrek”
um
is it too soon to ask you to marry her?
because she thinks you’re the girl of her dreams
she sits you down on the hot pink and black couch of hers and starts rolling the blunt as the movie starts to play
you were so hypnotized by her tongue coming out to lick the sides of the blunt in order to close it and apparently you were staring so hard that she noticed because you saw her already pink face flush into a dark red
you two are so cute
uwu
let’s go lesbians
When your hand touches hers as she passes the blunt to you, you honestly think you felt electricity connect your fingertips as it burned and shocked you at the same time
Mina is such a giggly high
it’s so fucking adorable
especially when you both are sent into a fit of laughter when she says donkey reminds her of denki and you responded with ‘denkey’
you both get tired after the second movie and start to move closer to each other for warmth and
you couldn’t help but notice how sweet she always smelled and how her eyes are so unique and beautiful
she could help but notice the light blush on your face and think if it was there because of all the laughing or if it was because of her
neither of you were sure who leaned in first but before you knew it, you were kissing the girl you’ve had a crush on for so long, you only wish you had the guts to do it when you were sober
you both got the cuddles you wanted and fell asleep in each other’s arms with peaceful smiles on both of your faces
🦈 shark boi 🦈
do you expect this manly boi to be the kind of person to 420 blaze it?
not at fucking all
he just seems like the person to not care about all that stuff
like ‘say no to drugs bc drugs are unmanly as fuck’
but
he 420 blazes it like every other weekend
it’s better to do it in moderation unlike sero, who is in a constant state of cloud nine
kiri’s mood doesn’t really change much when he’s high because
he’s already a smiling bundle of light
but
when kiri gets high
he kinda overshares 😳
“Y/n... have I ever told you that you have the tightest ass out of everyone in class like you could suffocate me between those cheeks and I’d die the happiest man on earth”
he’s so wild wtf
like he’ll go to tell you about his middle school insecurities to busting it down to Baby Shark
someone tell this man to stop referring to himself as ‘Daddy Shark’ blease make it stob
he is so flirty too like
“Baby let me show you why they call me a Riot 😏”
“Didn’t you come up with that name yourself?”
he is so sensitive tho so don’t be too harsh because he will start crying at the littlest things
don’t show him any sad movies while he’s in this state unless you want to be kept up all night with him ranting about how ‘Black Widow deserved better than what Marvel did to her’
did he lie?
😤 and i oop
you need to tell him how manly and strong and special he is just to get him to sleep
he will be out like a light the moment you run your hands through his spiky hair
he’s like a vsco girl on whiteclaw lmao sksksk
#mina ashido#mina ashido x reader#kaminari denki#kaminari x reader#sero hanta#sero x reader#bnha x reader#kirishima eijirou#kirishima eijiro x reader#bnah#bnha#mha#im tired
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Rob Zombie; "Why it's time to step outside the confinements of his own box."
For close to four decades,
Rob Zombie has brought nonstop psychedelic grooves and a rockstar presence while gracing his own music and the silver screen with gut-churning, drug-tripping visuals. He not only commands quite the presence in films (whether his own successes or others’), but also makes appearances within many other horror soundtracks. There’s no denying that Zombie is a bloodied savant who has stayed incredibly consistent.
[ᴿᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇᶦᵉ. ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ: ᴳᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ᴵᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ⁾]
(Written by Stella, edited by Jacob J.)
(Side note; tumblr’s photo formatting is a pain)
Let’s take a dive into his music before getting into his film library. From 1985-1997, White Zombie released six albums (between studio and compilations). La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Volume One didn’t break into the Billboard 200 chart until a year after its 1992 release. Shortly thereafter, it became the hot and groovy bong success of the band, going on to sell two million copies. Astro Creep 2000, their final and fourth studio release, was their first and only album to chart within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 in 1995. Up to this day in 2020, “White Zombie” has been featured in 47 TV, film, and video game soundtracks, from Beavis & Butthead to Pen15 to Bride Of Chucky (which includes a personal favorite moment of mine), amongst many others.
After the disbandment and separation, Zombie continued on his solo journey. He has gone on to release six studio albums, with a seventh on the way in March 2021, titled The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy. A multitude of hits—eight to be exact—sat within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 records.
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Zombie’s extensive film career is a “Super Beast” on its own.
He has been very vocal about gaining inspiration from 1920s-1980s horror culture. In many interviews, he’s cited Stan Lee, Bella Lugosi, Alice Cooper, and Steven Speilberg as being responsible for molding the brain that we know today.
Some of his influences include:
George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978)
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)
The Shining (1980)
Zombie’s upbringing in the carnival industry alongside his family is another key influence.
[[I’ll only be focusing on Zombie’s live-action films here.]]
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In 2000, Rob made his directorial and (very memorable) screen debut with House Of 1000 Corpses.
It took three years to be released because of quarrels with major production companies regarding the film’s majorly aggressive themes of torture, blood, violence, sex—not to mention his arrogance with MGM, fighting to get rights back from Universal. Eventually, Lionsgate bit the bullet, albeit with the major stipulation of having Rob edit it down much further so House could pass with a “tame” R rating.
[[House of 1000 Corpses: Rainn Wilson as taxidermy merman (Source: Tumblr—and if you’re brave, you can view the scene here.)]]
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In 2005 and 2019, the franchise’s next two installments—Devil’s Rejects and 3 From Hell—were released. The franchise is heavily influenced by the shocking, sickening, and unforgettable ’70s classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It follows a family of psychotic, sadistic, and bloodthirsty (if I’m being honest) necrophiliacs. They kidnap, kill, torture and brutalize anyone who gets in their way. At the end of Devil’s Rejects, they somehow manage to survive a police shootout, escape prison, and waltz on into Mexico (as seen in the franchise finale 3 from Hell).
Look, it’s all complicated.
Main Characters from the franchise:
Captain Spaulding—Sid Haig
Baby Firefly—Sheri Moon Zombie
Otis B. Driftwood—Bill Moseley
Momma Firefly—Karen Black (recast as Leslie Easterbrook after Karen’s passing)
(Other notable appearances throughout: Chris Hardwick, Rainn Wilson, Danny Trejo, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, and Diamond Dallas Page.)
⁽“ʰᵒᵘˢᵉˢ ᵗʳⁱˡᵒᵍʸ”, ᵈᵛᵈ ˢᵉᵗ﹔ ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵗᵃʳᵍᵉᵗ.ᶜᵒᵐ⁾
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The notorious/controversial Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978) remakes from 2007 and 2009.
(ᵃ ᵛⁱᵉʷ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵒˣ ᵃʳᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ ʳᵉᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵃᵐᵃᶻᵒⁿ⁾)
Look, this is a remake that you either adore or hate with a burning passion. If you’re a horror fanatic, you know what’s up with the original.
I personally adore Zombie’s take. The fact alone that he gave us an entire background story as to why Michael became the psychotic slasher that we’ve come to know and love. Plus, with an increased suspense and gore factor? Worked incredibly well and did justice (in my opinion).
The film made me feel bad for Michael, with moments of child Myers in therapy, particularly his love for making masks to pass the time while he was locked up and the touching family moments between him and his mother Deborah (Sheri Moon).
ᵈᵉᵇᵒʳᵃʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐⁱᶜʰᵃᵉˡ ᵐᵉʸᵉʳˢ ⁱⁿ ʲᵃⁱˡ ᵗʰᵉʳᵃᵖʸ. ⁽ˢᶜʳᵉᵉⁿᶜᵃᵖ, ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ. ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ⁾
[Michael’s cell in the 2007 Halloween remake. (Source: Google)]
Add in the supporting cast of Michael McDowell (Loomis), Brad Douriff (Sheriff Leigh), Scout Taylor-Compton (Laurie Strode), etc., and I honestly think that it came together very well as a remake.
The films rated relatively low, but they did gross higher than the budgets that they originally had to film on. Again, I’m not going to give much attention to the higher-ups of critical perception—it all comes down to personal taste.
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“Lords of Salem” (2013)
[[Promotional art for Lords of Salem. (Souce: Google Images)]]
A film that’s centered within Salem, Massachusetts,
this film—you guessed it—tackles witches, occultism, possession, Satan, and all the usual topics. Heidi (Sherri Moon) is a radio DJ who gets sent a mysterious record that’s labeled as being from “The Lords.” From then on out, shit gets a little dicey and admittedly, very disjointed. You can’t fault the cast here, and I loved the visuals that they were going for. However, with set schedule conflicts and multiple rewrites, which led to essentially running out of time to film? As a whole, what looked great on paper just couldn’t be done justice.
My FAVORITE sequence within the film (SPOILERS):
youtube
I can forgive the disjointedness solely because of how mind-boggling and brilliant the film’s history and proper visuals were. Also, we got to see Dee Wallace, Judy Geeson, and Patricia Quinn as creepy and badass witches who moonlight as Heidi’s landlords. Also Meg Foster who leads their coven? Can we talk about what a femme-fueled power cast that is?!
[[Left to right: Patricia Quinn as Megan, Dee Wallace as Sonny, and Judy Geeson as Lacy Doyle. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source: Google) ]]
[[Meg Foster as coven leader Margaret Morgan. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source; google)]]
Like I said prior, the film gets a little wild. If you’re...well, buzzed prior to watching, it may make a little more sense.
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“31” (2016)
[[Film poster for 31 (Source: Google)]]
[Synopsis from IMDB; “Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, hellish compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns.”]
Here, we clearly see that Zombie is invoking his childhood growing up within carnivals. In a 2013 interview with LA Weekly, Zombie divulged more about it:
“When we were kids, my parents would [work at the carnivals], and me and my brother would get dragged along to these things all the time and have to work.”
He went further on to say;
“Yeah, and it's not the nicest world. As a kid, you get exposed to the crazier underworld of the carnival. Me and my brother, when we were very little, we'd be inside the haunted house playing all day. So, already, what people are paying money to be scared [of], we're just playing in because it's fun. We saw the inner workings behind the machines.”
youtube
(”31″ trailer, source; Youtube)
Once again in this film, Zombie brings a powerhouse cast:
Jeff Daniel Phillips as Roscoe Pepper
Meg Foster as Venus Virgo
Malcom McDowell as Father Murder
Judy Geeson as Sister Dragon
Richard Brake as Doom Head
You can view the entire cast at IMDB here.
Set in 1976, Zombie stays true to his nods. Again, depending on taste, this is a huge hit or a wild miss with mindless homicidal violence, campiness, and climbs across the monkey bar of standards that we’re used to seeing from him.
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So at this point, you’re probably wondering why I think that it’s time for Rob Zombie to step out of the confinements of his own box...
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It’s no secret that Zombie sticks to only a small group of tropes:
Slashers, families or groups of homicidals that lack remorse, the occult, etc. There’s no shame in sticking to what you know. Hell, Zombie has seemingly cracked the code over the past two decades that he’s been in the film industry that so many directors still don’t seem to get.
IMO, despite whatever you personally feel about the films mentioned above- I feel like we’re living a freaky groundhog day repeat within Zombie’s filmography.
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Now, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? Look, I’m not saying that Zombie has to change anything. However, I would love to see him tackle some other nuances that we’ve already seen from him in small doses.
- Children: We haven’t seen Zombie exactly take on what horror films depict kids as. Sure, he made a breakout and impeccable choice with young Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch) back in 2007. I personally would adore to see a reimagined (NOT remade) Children of the Corn on acid, one we all know Zombie can tackle and turn every existing view on its head.
- Witchcraft, The Occult, Satan, Voodoo: Zombie genuinely had a phenomenal concept (on paper) for 2012’s Lords of Salem. It was unfortunate that they ran out of resources and ran into unfortunate circumstances on set while filming.
The film wasn’t a total tank, though, given how inspiring and insane all the visuals were throughout the 1 hr, 41min film. I am absolutely positive that, given a full-force opportunity, Rob could rectify the mess that was out of his control. We completely saw that he provided visuals that left quite the impression, and he could take those taboo subjects by the goat horns.
- Animals (not the human form): It’s no secret that Rob and his wife Sherri are ethical vegetarians. It would be so tongue and cheek to see them take on such topics as animals getting their revenge, or even vegetarians torturing carnivores. This twist on the formula would make for an interesting viewing.
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2.) In regard to time periods,
Zombie stays within—and pays homage to—the 1970s and 1980s quite a bit. Obviously, those are the eras that Zombie personally loves the most when it comes to filmmaking. However, it would be very interesting to see him take on current day settings.
Zombie has such a unique viewpoint. Given changing climates in politics, human decline/growth, the economy, etc., he would do work that could easily put Ryan Murphy to shame.
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3.) He could also do with some different casting every now and then.
Let me preface this by saying that I adore every repeat casting choice that Zombie has made for his films.
Of course chemistry is a huge thing, and sticking to his friends is a very smart choice. However, he also has the potential to make new stars, boosting the power of those that may be under the radar. He can support those new stars with cameos from classic actors that we haven’t seen in awhile. I can’t begin to even fictionally cast those who fit the bill, but I do believe that with the “Zombie Touch,” he can bring so much more fresh air to the usual casting.
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There’s no doubting what Rob Zombie is clearly very good at. Despite mixed reviews from the horror world and critics, it’s time that his fans open their eyes to new possibilities. Of course, there are die-hards, but digging your feet in further doesn’t allow the growth of horror and its ever evolving themes.
[[ʳᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇⁱᵉ, ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ⁱᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ]]
This theory has been on my mind for a very long time—since 3 from Hell came out. I’m sure, in his usual fashion, we won’t be seeing any new films from Rob anytime soon (what with his new album set to release in March 2021, not to mention the toll that the pandemic has had on Hollywood.)
Still, it never hurts to challenge the set standards and ways.
#rob zombie#zombie#sherri moon zombie#house of 1000 corpses#devils rejects#31#lords of salem#halloween#halloween remake#horror film#horror movies#horror films#retrospective#opinion#opinion piece#white zombie#torture#bloody#1970#1980#1970s#1980s horror#1970s horror#1970s aesthetic#1980s aesthetic#texas chainsaw massacre#michael myers#myers#clowns#scary clowns
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Deadpool
Deadpool is a fictional character appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. Created by writer Fabian Nicieza and artist/writer Rob Liefeld, the character first appeared in The New Mutants #98 (cover-dated February 1991). Initially Deadpool was depicted as a supervillain when he made his first appearance in The New Mutants and later in issues of X-Force, but later evolved into his more recognizable antiheroic persona. Deadpool, whose real name is Wade Winston Wilson, is a disfigured mercenary with the superhuman ability of an accelerated healing factor and physical prowess. The character is known as the "Merc with a Mouth" because of his tendency to talk and joke constantly, including breaking the fourth wall for humorous effect and running gags.
>
Personality
Deadpool is aware that he is a fictional comic book character. He commonly breaks the fourth wall, which is done by few other characters in the Marvel Universe, and this is used to humorous effect. He often has conversations with his two internal monologues, which are shown as caption boxes in his panels; in Deadpool Annual #1 (2014) it is revealed that Madcap, a foe of Captain America, is the psychotic voice appearing in white captions with a typewriter serif; the other voice is unidentified and often mistakenly attributed to Dr. Bong, Deadpool's former psychiatrist.
The character's back-story has been presented as vague and subject to change, and within the narrative he is unable to remember his personal history due to a mental condition. Whether or not his name was even Wade Wilson is subject to speculation since one of his nemeses, T-Ray, claims in Deadpool #33 that he is the real Wade Wilson and that Deadpool is a vicious murderer who stole his identity. There have been other dubious stories about his history—at one point the supervillain Loki claimed to be his father. Frequently, revelations are later retconned or ignored altogether, and in one issue, Deadpool himself joked that whether or not he is actually Wade Wilson depends on which writer the reader prefers.
Deadpool is depicted as having a regenerative healing factor, which not only prevents him from being permanently injured through enhanced cell regeneration throughout his body, but also causes psychosis and mental instability, as his neurons are also affected by the accelerated regeneration. It is thought that while his psychosis is a handicap, it is also one of his assets as they make him an extremely unpredictable opponent. Taskmaster, who has photo-reflexive memory which allows him to copy anyone's fighting skills by observation, was unable to defeat Deadpool due to his chaotic and improvised fighting style. Taskmaster has also stated that Deadpool is an expert at distracting his opponents.
Deadpool has sometimes been portrayed to have a strong sense of core morality. In Uncanny X-Force, he storms out after Wolverine tries to rationalize Fantomex killing Apocalypse, who was at the time in a child form. After Wolverine argues that Deadpool is motivated solely by money, Archangel reveals that Deadpool never cashed any of his checks.
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