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mizuki091 · 5 years
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I wanted you to know. I wanted you to see, but how many pages would that take? Would you even read it? I guess I would never know anymore.
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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There will never be enough words to express how much I love you. I will always love you. For the past 2 years you were my home and now I must move out.
For You
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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I fell in love with you, like how a phenolphtalein indicator changes it color------SLOWLY, then ALL at once. Remember our first date? You were 2-3 hrs late. I didn't eat lunch, I saved all the space in my tummy for our date. Gustong gusto ko na bumili ng fries non sa Mcdo, kasi gutom na talaga ako e. But I waited for you. Naisip ko nga baka inindyan mo na ako. 'Di ako nagalit. Ang gwapo mo kasi, ang dali mong patawarin.  Naalala mo yung Mcdo moment natin sa Kia Theater? I pushed you away bec I feel I wasn't ready yet. Pero di ka sumuko. You still tried, nag EK tayo with your friends. I felt so very shy and happy at the same time. I got to bond with your friends. The people closest to you before me happened.  Yung picture natin non na may caption pala sa likod, na you waited for a time before giving it to me? Grabe sobrang sweet. Ganun pala feeling non. Naalala mo yung Tagaytay date natin? First time ko yun e, mag date ng ganun. That was so thoughtful and sweet. Paanong hindi ako ma i inlove sa mga pinaggagagawa mo?  Yung birthday ko non, Intern pa ako sa CBTL non. You brought me sa Vikings. First time ko yun, saka di ko expected.  Naalala mo yung sinagot kita? Mother's day nun e. May dinaanan rin tayong convention. Yung bumili ka ng mango bravo cake tas isang flower para kay mama. Yun yung first na nag post ka ng picture ko sa instagram with a brief caption. I will never forget how it made me feel. Sobrang saya ko non. Ganun pala pakiramdam nun. Nakikita ko lang kasi sa post ng iba yun e. Ganun pala kapag ikaw na nakaranas. Naalala mo yung late night drive natin to Antipolo? B-day ko rin non, kumain tayo sa Cloud 9 , tinugtugan tayo nung musicians.  Ang ganda pa ng view. 'Tas ang ganda pa ng gift mo, ganda ng packaging. Ang sweet lang, kasi kala ko sa movies and books lang yung mga ganung moment. Again, di ko ine expect yun, nasa isip ko lang kasi nun makakasama kita, mag d date tayo, yun lang. Sabi mo hikaw binigay mo sa akin kasi mukhang bagay sa akin yon at wala ako suot na hikaw although may butas ako for it. You were so thoughtful. You gave me, made me felt things I never had before. We were so happy then. Yung binigyan mo ako ng wristwatch as a gift sa 1st anniv natin? I was so happy! Again, I didn't expect that. Sabi mo, laging isang relo lang kasi sinusuot ko, yun at yun lang. E kasi isa lang naman talaga relo ko. That was so sweet and thoughtful. You notice those little things. Yung pumupunta ka dito tas lagi ka may dalang pagkain? Haha grabe ang saya saya ko nun. Ang sweet sweet mo e. Kasi naiisip mo kung gusto ko ba o kung kumain na ba ako. Parang spoiled na spoiled ako sayo nun. Kaya sabi ko, sige i-spoiled din kita, in a good/sweet way. I gave everything you liked or wanted. Makita lang kita excited at masaya, mas masaya na ako.  So I told myself, I too, would never give up on you even if you're pushing me away, that I too, will give and do everything just to make you happy and see you happy.  Kaso bakit parang lahat yon unti-unting nawala? 'Di na tayo tulad ng dati. Ang bilis rin kasi ng buhay, pati tayo natangay. Mga bagay na maliliit, na iniwasan natin. Na akala ko, okay lang kasii mahal naman kita. Kaso hindi pala pwedeng laging magpatawad na lang. Hindi pala pwedeng puro pagmamahal. Kailangan din pala yung respeto, paggalang at tiwala. Kaso parang yun yung unti-unti mong nawala.  Kahit sinasabi ng iba na hindi healthy yung behaviour mo, di ako nakinig. Naniwala pa rin ako sayo. Naniwala ako sa lahat ng sorrys at promises mo, paulit-ulit. Kasi mahal kita e. Gusto ko tayo na, gusto ko ikaw na.  Kahit ang sakit sakit na nang nararamdaman ko, makita ko lang yung mukha mo, lumalambot na naman yung puso ko. Ikaw lang yung gusto ko makasama, makatabi sa pagtulog. Parang lahat ng sugat ko nawawala sa yakap mo. Kaya lagi ko kinakaya lahat. Iniisip ko lagi yung mga times na magkatabi tayo matulog. Yakap mo ako, yakap kita, sinusulit bawat sandali, kinakabisado ang mukha mong kay ganda. Hindi ko maisip na iba ang kayakap ko. Di ko yata kaya na iba. Kasi tanging gusto na lamang ng puso ko ay ikaw. I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were only my heart's desire. Ang dami na nagsabi na hindi ka healthy for me, and if you continue that kind of destructive behaviour, it will not end well for me. I never listened to them. Mas naniwala at nagtiwala ako sayo. Mahal na mahal kita e. Mahal na mahal. It hurts whenever you say that I do not appreciate you, that I never appreciated you. I always did. For me and my eyes, you're the most handsome guy that ever existed. You are the best, that is why I chose you, that is why I always chose to stay. Ganun mo lang kadali nagawa yung bagay na hindi ko magawa. Ganun mo lang kadali sinukuan. And instead of trying to woo me and patch things up, you're being repulsive. Pinaghihinalaan mo pa ako. I don't get it. How can you hurt someone you claim to love like this? Mahal na mahal kita e.  Pero 'di bale na. Mahal pa rin kita. Kay tagal din kitang mamahalin.
For You.
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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I love you. That is why I always stayed. You told me to leave many a times before, but I didn't. I stayed anyway. Because I wanted to grow with you. I want to see you succeed, I wanted it to be me, the one beside you when it happens. I always believed in you and your potential, that's why I always encourage you to do things not be stagnant. It makes me happy whenever you are happy, whenever I see you happy or excited over something. I love you that much. I loved you too well, too well I lost all the love for myself.
For You
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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You are being repulsive instead of being sweet or apologetic and wooing me. You're not even trying to patch things up and yet you want it look like that you do.  How did we end up like this? What did we miss? Where did it go wrong? Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that I loved you too much and just let things go unresolved just because it's too much trouble for you to discuss. I thought ignoring it would make it go away.  I thought ignoring it is okay, as long as I love you, everything will be alright. That was our fault. We ignored those little things until they piled up and piled up.
For You.
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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Ang dami ko pang gusto gawin kasama ka. Ang dami ko pang gustong panoorin kasama ka. Ang dami ko pang gustong ibigay sa'yo. Ang dami kong gusto pang gawin para makita kang masaya. Kasi mas may saya ako kapag masaya ka.
For You
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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Even there were already a lots of reasons to leave you, I just always make myself look for even just one reason, to hold on. Because I wanted it to be YOU. I wanted you to be my eternal, my ever-lasting, because for me, it is already YOU. So I never gave up. Because I always think that, I don't have to find the right one, I just need to be the right one for you. But sadly, it seems that I am not. No matter how hard I try.
Heartbreak
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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I cannot write anymore even if I wanted to. I forgot it. I lost it. I lost myself in loving you,  in wanting to be the right one for you, I didn't realize I was devaluing myself. I never thought it would happen, that a time like this would come. That I could finally relate to the saying that "sometimes, holding on does more damage than letting go."  No. I do not regret it. I do not regret anything, not even a single thing. All I did, I did for you, for us. All I did because of love. I threw away my common sense, my intelligence just so I can continue to make myself believing in you. No, I don't blame you for anything. I was so lost in my love for you. I was so in love. I forgot to love myself. I would never regret loving you.  We have to tell each other the little things, the bad things. Maybe they’ll hurt for a while, but at least they won’t become big things. If we don’t, we’re just going to keep hurting each other. And it did. I always fought with myself. I kept making excuses for you in my head.   I tried and did my best to hold this cracking love together. I never gave up, even there were times I felt like giving in. Because I always remember what you said in the first letter you gave me, "Walang susuko a. Kaya natin to." So I never did. Ironic. What I cannot do, you did so easily. Perhaps because you know no matter how much harsh and painful your words are, I would always come back to you, always accepting, forgiving.  You said if it wasn't for the fit I threw that day. NO. It wasn't about that anymore. It was about how you handled it.    But instead of wooing me, you're the one who got the guts to be repulsive and sarcastic and accusing.  But it is madness to expect a different result by doing the same thing. I'm not angry, I'm just sad.  I love you. I really do. Till every last star in the galaxy dies, I will always love you.  Even there were already a lots of reasons to leave you, I just always make myself find, even just one reason, to hold on. Because I wanted it to be YOU. I wanted you to be my eternal, my ever-lasting, because for me, it is already YOU. So I never gave up. Because I always think that, I don't have to find the right one, I just need to be the right one for you. But sadly, it seems that I am not.. yet. Stupid me, right?  I tried helping you, by staying. By fighting for us. You are a man now, you should know things. I cannot help you now by staying by your side, which I always did. Cannot help someone who doesn't want help. I can only help you grow by letting this go. And with that, goes healing myself.  I accept it. I already accept it. Going through our conversation, I must just really accept it. Somewhere deep in my heart, I hope someday it would still be us. Even not now, I hope you'll see the things I want you to see.
For You
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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Mahal mo ko pero ayaw mo na kong masaktan? Anong klaseng pagmamahal yan? Bakit hindi mo kaya maging matapang para sa ating dalawa at ipaglaban ang meron tayo? Bakit mas pinili mong bumitaw, sa paniniwalang yun ang nararapat?
Di ko nais na maliitin and nararamdaman mo para sa akin, ngunit bakit? Bakit hanggang dyan lang ang kaya mo? Habang unti-unti kang bumitaw, nandito pa rin ako. Nakakapit para sa ating dalawa, habang hawak kita.
Pakiusap ko sayo aking mahal, tulungan mo akong lumaban. Huwag ka munang sumuko. Magtulungan tayo. Sabay nating haharapin ang takot mong masaktan pa ako.
- 18:48 | May 31, 2016
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“There are so many things that demand to be said. Where did you go? Do you ever think about me? You’ve ruined me. Are you okay? But of course, I can’t say any of that.”
— Gayle Forman, Where She Went   (via thelovejournals)
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“After this, I wouldn’t let my heart break any longer for a man who didn’t fight for me.”
— Abbi Glines, Sometimes It Lasts (via my-typewritten-thoughts)
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“you shouldn’t hold onto someone who has already let you go.”
— There’s Nothing Left to Save by Ashleigh Catibog-Abraham (via quotemybooks)
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“And I want you to know that I love you, even if I haven’t done the grandest job of showing it. Somewhere in there, I hope you can hear me.”
— The Wicked will Rise (Dorothy must Die series) by Danielle Paige
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“My point is, when you love someone, when you care for someone, you have to do it through the good and the bad. Not just when you’re happy and it’s easy.”
— Panic by Lauren Oliver (via quotemybooks)
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“I love you, that means I’m not just here for the pretty parts. I’m here no matter what.”
— Claudia Gray, Hourglass (via b-ookquotes)
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“I don’t know how you say good-bye to whom and what you love. I don’t know a painless way to do it, don’t know the words to capture a heart so full and a longing so intense.”
— Laura Weiss, How it Ends  (via quoted-books)
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mizuki091 · 5 years
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“Hoping is such hard work. It tires you out and you never seem to get any kind of reward. Hoping feels like you’re a balloon that has a pinhole that slowly leaks air.”
— Christopher Paul Curtis, The Mighty Miss Malone (via quoted-books)
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