#Well. Jealousy and Fake Morality kills a person like this. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feralthoughtdump · 3 years

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Only Angel

Part Two of Kiss With A Fist

On the way to Madripoor, Bucky and his acquaintance talk about names.

Word Count: 5.5K

CW: violence, talk of killing people, TFATWS ep. 3 spoilers, stitching wounds, smut, unprotected sex, sub!bucky, technically a reader x bucky but he gives her a new name.

“So, we’re headed to Madripoor?” She questions, adjusting the straps of her harness.

Bucky adverts his eyes as she unbuttons her jeans, not answering her question, but she doesn’t seem to notice. They were standing in the back of the jet, a curtain obscuring the two of them from Sam and Zemo.

“Help me really quick. I have a holster in my bag.”

He reaches into her light blue duffle back, rifling through the articles of clothing and various weapons until his finger wraps around the leather.

“Thanks, you’re a godsend.” She chuckles. “Tell me about this mission of ours. I need to know what I should wear.”

“We’re going undercover. Zemo is just… Zemo, Sam’s going as some big shot, and I’m… well-“

“The Winter Soldier?”

He silently nods.

“You scared?”

She buckles the holster around her thigh, tightening it so it slightly squeezes at the flesh.

“Not sure.” He grumbles. “I’m worried, you know, I might end up..” his words trail off.

“Relapsing?”

“You can say that.”

She pulls her jeans down past her ankle and places them into her bag.

He clears his throat and looks away, unsure if she’s okay with him looking.

“Oh, don’t be shy, Buck.” She hymns, reaching into her bag. “What do you think? Shorts or a dress?”

He looks back up, eyeing the black slip dress in one hand, and the leather shorts in the other.

“Shorts I guess. Easy mobility.”

“Smart.”

As she’s pulling the shorts up past her waist, Bucky stares out the plane window.

“Do you still go by Angel of Death?” He asks.

She looks up at him.

“I never chose to go by that name, you know? The public did.” Her hands dig into the bag, pulling out a gun and a few knives. “Angels of death are serial killers in caregiver positions and I have nobody under my care. But they gave me that name because they saw me as some vigilante, someone who took down bad people.”

“Do you like the name?”

“I don’t really care. It’s factually incorrect but names don’t matter when you have to kill the person standing in the way of a paycheck.”

“Is that how you see them? Just another person you have to kill so you can go buy a fancy handbag?” He scoffs.

“You have no idea who those people are do you? Those people are corrupt. Evil. People who have no regard for the lives of innocent people.”

“And you think you’re any better?”

His tone is less accusing, rather it’s more curious.

“Maybe not, but at the end of the day, it’s my job. And if my job means I’m killing morally corrupt people, then I really don’t care. And if I’m as bad as them, then maybe you had a right to kill me ten years ago.”

Bucky shifts on his feet.

“You know my mission wasn’t to kill you.” He confesses.

“Then why did you stab me?”

“I think for the first time, I felt scared. I was confused and I panicked.”

“Fair enough.” She takes out a dark red trench coat. One made of soft crushed velvet. Bucky runs his flesh hand over it, taking in the feeling of the soft fabric.

“I was supposed to take you away, hand you over to HYDRA. I think they wanted you to work for them.”

She snorts, humored by his words.

“So they wanted me to be a weapon, huh. Fry my brain until all my free will is gone and come up with a few words in Russian to make sure I’ll do their bidding.”

“Most likely.” He crosses his arms. “You’re good at your job. You’ve wracked up kills in the hundreds, and I thought I was the one with the high body count.”

“Do you know why I’m good at my job?” She laughs, pulling her hair into a tight bun and securing it with a gold hairpin. “Do you know why I’m one of the best female assassins in Europe?”

Bucky shrugs his shoulders.

“Every time I’m assigned a job, I’m walking into a life or death situation. I need to be prepared for any type of outcome so I won’t get caught off guard.” She pulls a black, satin, dress shirt over her shoulders. “But do you know the real reason as to why I’m the best?”

Bucky parts his lips.

“Tell me.”

“It’s because I never let my feelings get in the way.”

“But you have to feel at least something.”

“No. I don’t think I really feel anything.” She tucks the hem into the shorts. “I haven’t felt anything in a very long time.”

He doesn’t know what to say. As he observes her concealing weapons within her outfit, he thinks about the past few decades of his life. One mission after another. He thinks about the bloodshed. He thinks about Yori and his son. Did he feel anything when he put a bullet in that boy? Not at the time. But now? All he feels is guilt. Shame. But here she stands in front of him, dressed to the nines, hidden weapons strapped to her body. I haven’t felt anything in a really long time. No guilt, no shame, no emotions. The silence hangs over them like a thick, heavy fog.

His mind wanders to their first interaction. Though he can’t remember much, he often revisits it in his dreams.

Don’t you want to know my name?

The question she asked him before he plunged the knife into her abdomen.

“Ten years ago, you asked if I wanted to know your name.”

“I did.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“No. I would’ve just given you a fake one.”

She sits down on the leather seat and stuffs her feet into a pair of heeled boots. Bucky takes a seat next to her.

“What name would you have given me?”

“I was reading Anna Karenina at the time so probably Kitty.”

“Do you have a name?”

“I have many names.”

“No, a real name.”

She zips up her left boot.

“I do. Well, I did.” She sighs, moving her fingers to zip up the right. “I don’t remember it anymore.”

Bucky frowns.

“Do you want to remember?”

Her head falls onto his shoulders and she nuzzles her nose into his neck.

“Not really. Sometimes I think it’s better that I’m nameless.”

Bucky doesn’t want to say he pities her, but he does. Maybe it isn’t pitying, rather sympathizing.

“Can I give you a new one?”

She smiles, relishing in the feeling of his stubble against her skin.

“Sure.”

“I’d like to call you Angel.”

A hum of content passes her lips and she presses a soft kiss on his skin.

“I’d like that too.” She whispers. “I’ll be your angel.”

They sit together for a good five minutes, syncing their breathing together, enjoying each other’s company.

“We should go back to your friends.” She mutters, grabbing the coat.

“We probably should.”

Sam gives the two of them as they walk past the curtain. Bucky sits across from him and he watches with a slightly annoyed eye as she takes the seat across from Zemo.

“How do you two know each other?” Sam queries.

“Oh. Bucky stabbed me ten years ago.” She bluntly states.

A humored smile crosses her face as Sam’s eyes widen and darts between the two.

“He stabbed you?”

“Hey, I wasn’t really myself back then.” Bucky quickly defends himself. “Plus, she tried to kill me a few hours ago.”

“In her defense,” Zemo interjects “being stabbed isn’t something you can just forgive and forget.”

“Oh, and you know everything about forgiving and forgetting.” Sam shoots back.

Sensing oncoming tension, she quickly changes the subject.

“Bucky told me you three needed a tour guide. Someone who knows the place well.”

“I’d consider myself-“

“Oh Baron,” she laughs “after everything you did in 2017, I doubt it’s easy for them to trust you.”

Zemo’s eyes widened.

“You know who I am?”

“Of course I do. I’ve been to Sokovia before.”

Sam furrowed his brows.

“What led you to Sokovia?”

“Business meetings.”

“Jesus, Bucky, who is this girl?”

“Oh, yeah, I never actually introduced myself. I’m Angel.” Bucky smiles at the use of her name, affection blooming in his chest. “I work for a small company based in Europe. We mostly sell cosmetics.”

Bucky’s impressed by her ability to spit out a convincing story with no hesitation.

Sam doesn’t seem to buy it, but he lets it go.

“Anyways, what role do you three want me to play?”

“Well,” Zemo shifts in his seat, “I was thinking you could be my date-“

“No. No” Bucky grouses, a deep frown cutting across his face. “Absolutely not.”

“Relax, James. I won’t try anything with her. I know you two are… close.”

Bucky scrambles out of his seat to wrap a hand around Zemo’s neck but he steps away at the feeling of Angel’s gentle hand on his bicep.

“Calm down, Bucky. Everything’s going to be fine.” She looks at Zemo with an amused grin. “Alright. I’ll play the part, but I have a few rules.” She points her thumb up. “One, no kissing.” Then her pointer. “No silly pet names. I don’t want to hear you calling me baby or kitten. It’s patronizing.” Finally her middle. “And three, I don’t drink. My tolerance is low.”

Zemo and Sam nod in agreement and eventually so does Bucky, but the anger in his eyes refuses to fade away.

It’s nighttime when they arrive, but the bright, neon lights illuminate the city.

Loud music seeps out from the clubs and the air smells of smoke and booze. They’re surrounded by crime, and Angel smiles at the familiarity. She can spot a few familiar faces, but she never bothers to say hi. It’s best she stays faceless, unknown, invisible.

Zemo wraps an arm around her waist and Bucky side eyes him. She can read his annoyance. His jealousy. Yet, his cold, emotionless expression doesn't change. He’s fallen into character and he’s doing a damn good job of it.

Whispers of ‘is that the Winter Soldier?’ pour around them as they enter the bar, but they all do their best to pay no attention.

“Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.” The bartender nods towards Sam.

“His plans changed. We have business to do with Selby.” Zemo interjects.

Selby.

Angel remembers that name. She’s heard it in whispers on the streets.

Angel takes a seat on Zemo’s lap, leaning her head against the fur on his coat.

“Who’s the girl?”

“Close friend of mine,” Zemo smirks.

“I’m Moria.” She extends a hand and the bartender politely shakes it.

Bucky glances down at his fingers. Of course, her name here would be fake.

“The usual?” The bartender asks.

Sam and Zemo reply with a nod.

The four of them watch as he pulls a snake out of a jar, cutting its organs out and placing them in a shot glass. He moves on to pour out a shot of vodka for Zemo.

She grins and runs a hand from the fur collar of his coat to his chest. A soft, flirtatious giggle slips past her lips. Oh, Bucky wanted to take Zemo’s shot glass and throw it at the wall but he can’t. Not when the stakes are so high.

She suppresses a giggle as she watches Sam struggle to down the shot.

“Got word from on high,” A man approaches Zemo. “You ain’t welcome here.”

“I have no business with the Power Broker. But if he insists, he can either talk to me…”

He gestures towards Bucky.

Angel surveys the bar, observing the patrons around them. Most of them are staring at the four, suspicious eyes being thrown their way.

Her concentration is broken when Zemo speaks.

“Winter Soldier” He orders in Russian.

She remembers Bucky’s words on the plane. He’s afraid of relapsing.

“Attack.”

Compassion, something she hasn’t felt for a long time, floods her body and before he can strike, she finds herself twisting the man’s fingers. Another approaches them and Bucky takes the lead, kicking the man to the ground. Men charge towards them and she fights along with him. He’s throwing kicks, punches, a sight that Angel is all too familiar with. Bucky takes hold of a man thrown his way, slamming him down onto the table, metal arm wrapped around his neck.

They freeze at the sound of weapons around them. Her eyes dart around the room, seeing the guns trained on them. Slowly, she reaches under her shirt, feeling the knives she has strapped to her body.

Sam places a hand on Bucky’s arm and Zemo quickly stops him.

“Stay in character or the entire bar turns on us.”

They all stand as the bartender turns to them.

“Selby will see you now.”

She looks at Bucky, then Sam, then Zemo who opens his arms, beckoning her towards him. She lets him place a hand on her hip as the four of them walk away.

“You should know Baron,” Selby’s voice rings through her ears. “People don’t just come into my bar and make demands.”

“Not a demand, an offer.” Zemo replies.

“Well, a lot has changed since you were last here. By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?”

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” He chuckles. Zemo releases his hand on her.

“You’re taller than I heard, Smiling Tiger.” She purrs at Sam, who glances away. “What’s the offer? The girl?”

“No. Something better.”

He walks over to Bucky.

“Tell me what you know about the super-soldier serum and I’ll hand him over.” Fingers trace over his face, from his cheekbones down to his chin. “Along with the code words to control him. He will do whatever you want.”

A Cheshire cat smile cuts across Selby’s face.

“Now that’s the Zemo I know.” She settles into her couch. “Yeah, you were right to come to me. Arrogant but right. The serum is here in Madripoor. Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you want to thank… or condemn.” She shrugs. “Whatever side you’re on.”

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” Zemo inquires.

Selby stands.

“The breadcrumbs, you can have for free, but the bakery’s going to cost you.” She sighs. “Your arm candy, Baron, she’s extraordinary. There’s no way a little bird” Selby points her finger up and down at Angel “can fight like that without years of training. Come here, darling.” She beckons her over. Angel turns to Zemo, and then to Bucky, a worried expression on her face. Zemo falters for a second and releases his hand on her shoulder.

“Go ahead, darling.”

She stands and walks over the Selby, who looks her over with an inquisitive eye. Selby runs a manicured finger along the collar of Angel’s coat.

“I’ll tell you what,” Selby decides. “You hand both of them over to me, and I’ll tell you everything about Nagel.” She grins, pulling back the strap of Angel’s thigh holster and snapping it back onto her skin.

“Don’t touch me.” She snarls.

Selby cocks her head, an amused smirk on her face.

“I have to say, she’s quite the fiery one. I’d like to call her my little firebird. Have her sing for me.”

“A firebird and the Winter Soldier.” Zemo seethes. “Clever.”

Their attention turns to Sam when his phone rings.

Selby saunters over to him.

“Answer it.” She demands. “On speaker.”

Angel bites the inside of her cheek, waiting with bated breath as Sam speaks to Sarah. He rambles on about money laundering and having a banker killed until Sarah calls him Sam.

Her blood runs cold.

“Sam?” Selby questions, voice laced with accusation. “Who’s Sam? Kill them!”

Without hesitation, Angel pulls the gun out of her holster and unloads a bullet in the woman.

“We need to get out of here.” She yells, stuffing her gun back in place.

One of Selby’s bodyguards cocks his gun and Angel sends a throwing knife into his head, Bucky takes down the other, knocking him out with his fist.

“Jesus Christ, Angel!” Sam yells.

“We don’t have time to unpack that.” she pants, ripping the knife out of the bodyguard’s head. “The second people get word that she’s dead, we’ll have a million-dollar price tag on our heads.” She shoves the knife into a pocket on her holster and bolts to the door.

The four sprint out of the exit and onto the streets, laying low, trying not to get noticed. They walk at a brisk pace, shoulder forward, eyes straight.

The sound of rapid gunfire sends them scrambling.

“I can’t run in these heels!” Sam yells.

“Oh, tell me about it!” She replies. The shock from her boots meeting the pavement sends pain up her calves. “I’ve been running in heels for years and it still sucks.”

“That’s not humanly possible. How do you do that?” He pants.

“I got used to it.”

Angel grabs her gun and cocks it. She one bullet after another and when the wind blows back her coat, Bucky can spot another pistol tucked in the waistband of her shorts.

Motorcycles start to barrel towards them and they pick up their speed. A bounty hunter throws a dagger, slicing at the skin of her thigh. Despite the gash, she can’t feel the pain. Not with the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

They cut to a halt when they find themselves in an alleyway, surrounded.

Gunshots ring through the air saving them from impending death.

“Looks like we have a guardian angel.” Zemo notes, his run slowing down into a walk.

They look around, catching their breath.

“Well, this is too perfect.” The four turn to see a blonde walking towards them, gun pointed in Zemo’s direction. “Drop it, Zemo.”

“Sharon?” Bucky inquires. She rolls her eyes and turns to Angel.

“Nice to finally meet you, Angel of Death.”

“What? How do you know her?” Sam asks.

“I was investigating a politician’s death a few years ago. I managed to get my hands on her picture but Bucky over here caused a bit of a stir.”

She chuckles. “Nice to meet you too, Agent Carter.

“I used to be an agent, not anymore.” Sharon states.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asks.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember?” Her words, laced with bitterness. She points her gun at Sam “I also took your wings” then to Bucky, “so you could save his ass” finally, to Zemo “from his ass. Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up.”

Angel stands by, watching Bucky ask for Sharon’s help, paying no attention to the cut on her leg. Unfortunately, the adrenaline finally wears off, sending pain up her leg. Her hands press on the bleeding wound, covering her fingers with blood. She hisses in pain, causing Sharon to turn to her, brows raised.

“This isn’t over.” She spits at them and makes her way over to Angel.

“You might need some stitches for that.” She sighs, handing her a tissue. “I have a place in High Town. You’ll be safe there.”

…

Bucky takes a seat next to Angel, who is tending to her wound on Sharon’s couch, legs propped up on a glass coffee table.

“She’s stitching herself up.” Sharon smiles. “Best you don’t distract her.”

“I’ll be fine.” Angel murmurs, eyes trained on the needle piercing her skin. “Thanks for the suture kit by the way. I left mine on Zemo’s jet.”

“No problem. I got myself some first aid supplies when I was on the run. Figured they would come in handy.”

“My calves hurt. You have anything for that?” She grumbles, carefully knotting the thread.

“There’s probably some ibuprofen in there.” Sharon chuckles. “Those heels are gorgeous but damn, they look painful.”

Bucky gently wraps his fingers around her ankle and looks at her.

“May I?”

“Such a gentleman. Of course.”

She places her legs on his thighs and sighs with relief as he massages the sore muscles of her calves.

“Does it hurt?”

“My calves? Or cut on my thigh.”

“Your thigh.”

She shrugs, pulling the thread.

“Not too much. It’s nothing Advil can’t fix.”

Sharon throws them an amused look.

“So, what’s going on between the two of you?”

“James seems to have formed a little bond with her. In more ways than one.” Zemo smiles at them over a glass of whisky.

“I’ll knock that drink right out of your hands.” Angel barks.

“I have to say, it’s quite ironic. James, you swore that you’d leave your assassin roots behind, yet you’ve taken up the company of one of the most prolific hitwomen in Europe.”

“He’s got a point,” Sharon says, rifling through racks of clothing. “The irony part, I mean. When I was working the Death Angel case, both the FBI and the CIA profiled you as a psychopath. Someone unable to form proper emotional bonds with others-“

“Sociopath.” Angel interrupted with a roll of her eyes. “Not a psychopath. Psychopaths have no moral compass. But I’d say I do. Sociopaths are still able to discern right from wrong.”

Sam walks into the room, shrugging a jacket onto his shoulders.

“So why’d you become a hitwoman?”

Though he asks out of curiosity, Bucky still notes the way her eyes narrow, the way her lips twist into a frown.

“I was getting paid. Plus, they aren’t the type of people you’d like to have dinner with.”

“Let’s drop this, yeah?” Bucky grumbles. “I don’t think Angel wants to continue this conversation.”

Angel. She still hasn’t gotten used to that new name, but she likes it.

It was nothing like the names the authorities and the public had slapped on her. Killer, psychopath, evil, monster.

The hardened shell she had built around her has started to crack, but only for Bucky.

For the first time, she wonders what it would be like. To be free from the title of an assassin.

Maybe she’d live in a quiet Parisian apartment or a sun-filled home in northern Italy. Maybe she’d be alone. She’d be okay with that. Maybe she’ll be with someone else. Maybe with Bucky. She’d be more than okay with that.

She envied him, even if she shouldn’t. She didn’t go through what he went through. Being taken away, stripped of any control, and then having to live in a world he knew nothing of.

However, Bucky had something she didn’t have. He had good within himself.

She’s pulled from her thoughts when Sharon hands her a small pile of clothing.

“Here, these seem to be your style. I know some higher-ups so I’ll ask about Nagel. So, while I’m at it, enjoy the party.”

“Thanks, Sharon.”

“I’ll let you get changed.” Zemo stands and walks away, offering her privacy.

Sam and Sharon nod, leaving the room, but Bucky stayed behind.

“Are you okay?” He quietly asks.

“Yeah. I’m okay.” She curtly nods.

Bucky reaches for a pad of gauze and presses it to the closed wound.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. You don’t need to worry about me.”

He holds the gauze in place while she tapes it down.

“You’re really good at that.”

“Thanks.” She huffs. “YouTube has some great tutorials on bandaging.”

The music from the party downstairs echoes through Sharon’s home, bleeding into the room.

“Alright.” Angel stands and grabs the clothing that Sharon gave her. “I’ll change and we can head downstairs.”

She walks into the bathroom and shuts the door.

Bucky cleans up the used suture supplies and throws them in the small trash can in the corner while waiting for Angel to finish.

He wonders what would have happened if he had successfully completed his Berlin mission in 2013. What would have become of her? Everything she does, she does it with a flair. From the way she dresses, to how she acts, even in the way she kills. She was spirited, creative, and clever. He can’t bear the thought of anyone, not just HYDRA, taking that away from her.

“Hey, Buck?” She walks out of the bathroom, holding her hands across her chest. “Can you help button me up?”

His mouth goes dry when he sees her. She’s ethereal, not of this world. The forest green satin of her dress compliments her gold jewelry, illuminated by the soft lights of Sharon’s home.

“Um,” he swallows. “Sure.”

She walks over to him and turns around so he can hook the buttons through the loops.

“Pretty isn’t it. Sharon has great taste.”

“Yeah.” He breathes.

“Do you like it?”

“I guess so.”

She turns to face him with a mischievous grin.

“What do you mean ‘you guess so’?”

“I was born in 1917, I know nothing about modern fashion. You look beautiful, though.”

Bucky sits back down and she crawls into his lap. “You’re so sweet to me. Maybe too sweet.” She giggles.

“Oh, by the way.” Her hands rest on his shoulders. “I never returned the favor from this morning.”

She leans in and presses her mouth against his, kissing him with fervor.

Bucky tucks her lower lip between his teeth and bites, smiling at her little yelp. He reaches up to cup her face in his hands, rubbing his thumb over her soft skin. She deepens the kiss, letting her tongue brush against his lips.

A whine leaves his lips as she pulls back and stands.

He pouts and reaches his arms towards her, hands making a grabbing motion.

“Another kiss. Please?”

“Oh, Bucky,” She giggles, lowering herself onto her knees. “You’re too cute.”

Her hands reach for his belt, undoing the buckle. She pulls his jeans down, letting them pile around his feet. He stops her hands right as they reach for his briefs.

“Wait, I-” He stutters. “I haven’t done this in a long time.” Blushing in embarrassment.

“If you don’t want to, we can stop.” She says sweetly.

“I want to.” He lets go of her wrist and lets his hand rest in her hair. “I just forgot how it feels.”

“If you want, I can take control for a little bit.” She rests her head on his thigh. “Make you feel good.”

Bucky blinks owlishly and nods.

“Yeah. I’d like that a lot.”

That was the green light. She pulls his briefs down and Bucky kicks them aside along with the jeans. He grins as he watches her eyes widen.

“You-” She gasps. “Oh, wow, you’re big.”

“Yeah?” He chuckles, reaching down to stroke himself. “You think you can take me?”

“I can try.”

She spits on her hand and wraps it around his cock. He sucks in a sharp breath when she thumbs over the tip.

“Oh.” He gasps when she licks the underside. “Oh!”

“Feels good?” She presses a kiss on his thigh.

“Yeah, really good.”

Her lips wrap around his cock, saliva dripping past her tongue and onto his skin.

He lets his head fall back, a quiet groan slipping past his lips.

“Oh, Angel, you’re amazing.”

She flutters her lashes and looks up at him.

It’s a beautiful sight, he thinks, the way she’s all doe-eyed and blushy.

He grabs a fist full of her hair and pulls her closer, letting his cock hit the back of her throat.

She gags around him and tears prick at her eyes, yet she doesn’t pull away. She bobs her head back and forth, sending electricity through his veins.

Spit dribbles down her chin and Bucky tightens his grip on her hair. He lets his other hand cup her cheek.

“Relax for me, love.” He murmurs. He holds her head still and pushes his hips forward. She squeezes her eyes shut and grabs onto his thighs. Bucky hisses at the feeling of her nails digging into his skin but the pain is overshadowed by pleasure. Her mouth is so wet, so warm around him and he can’t get enough.

He’s only had his cock in her mouth for a few minutes but he can already feel himself getting closer.

“Wait, wait!” He gasps.

Angel pulls off, eyes wide with worry.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” She asks.

“No,” He caresses her face. “You were perfect. I just- I’m gonna cum soon and I want you to feel good too.”

She smiles affectionately.

“Oh, baby, you’re too good to me.”

As she moves to straddle him, Bucky takes hold of her waist and pushes her onto the couch so she’s lying underneath him.

“Don’t want you hurting yourself.” He kisses her nose. “Your wound is still healing.”

His hands push up the hem of her dress, the satin pooling around her waist, exposing the soft skin of her tummy and the scar he left her. He leans down to press a gentle kiss on the scar and he playfully nips at her skin.

“No biting, puppy.”

He whines at the name. It makes him feel all soft like he wants to give all of himself to her. His head rests on her tummy and he blinks at her with soft eyes.

“You wanted me to take control, so I’m taking control.” She coos, running a hand through his hair. “Give me a kiss, baby.”

He kisses up her body and when his lips meet hers, she takes this as an opportunity to roll themselves over.

She straddles his hips, letting her cunt rub against his cock. Her eyes close and she sighs in pleasure.

“You want to fuck me, baby?” She giggles.

“Yes.” He groans. “Oh god, yes.”

“What do you say?” she taunts, voice laced with authority.

“Please.” Bucky pants. “Can I please fuck you?”

“Mmm. Asking so nicely.” She muses. “Of course you can.”

His eyes roll back, chest heaving. His mouth drops open but she presses a hand against his mouth.

“Gotta stay quiet. Don’t want everyone hearing you do we?”

Bucky nods, biting down on his lip.

“Good boy.” She leans down and kisses his forehead. “So good.”

She lifts her hips and presses his cock against her entrance.

Bucky rests a hand on her hips but she intertwines their fingers and presses his hand onto the couch cushions.

“No touching.”

Unfair. She’s being unfair.

As she lowers herself onto him, Bucky squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to moan.

“Beautiful.” She whispers, eyes hooded and lips parted. “You’re beautiful.”

He thinks he could cum right then and there.

“Am I making you feel good?” She whispers.

Bucky nods, quiet moans on the tip of his tongue.

She gasps and tightens around him. Bucky bites down on his lip. Hard.

“M-move.” He whimpers. “Please.”

She replies by moving her hips back and forth.

“You feel so good, sweet thing.”

Bucky hums in content.

“Thank you.”

With every movement she makes, with every sound that leaves her lips, Bucky’s convinced she’s going to kill him.

“Do you know what la petite mort means, baby?” She asks him.

“Mhm.” Bucky opens his eyes. “It’s French. It means a little death.”

They’re nose to nose, both gasping into each other’s mouths. The gold necklaces she’s wearing dangles in his face and he bites down on a chain with a smile.

“It means more than that, baby. La petit mort refers to an orgasm. And from the looks of it,” She teases, “I think you’re coming close.”

Bucky groans, letting go of the chain.

“You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“Are you close, baby? Are you gonna cum?”

“Yes.” He whimpers with desperation. “Can I cum? Can I cum for you?”

��Tell me I’m your angel.” She whispers into his ear.

“You’re my angel. Can I please cum?” He begs.

“No, not yet.” She laves her tongue over the shell of his ear. “Tell me I’m your only angel.”

“You’re my angel. My only angel.”

She squeezes around him and quickens her movements. Her hands press down on his chest as she lifts her hips and sinks back down onto him.

She’s an angel. His angel. In this moment, he’d do anything for her. Anything for his angel.

“I’m gonna- fuck.” He groans.

“Gonna cum?” She asks, voice silvery and low. “Gonna cum for me baby?”

All he can do is nod.

“Alright.”

She lifts herself off of him and before he can protest, she’s got her lips wrapped around him. He bucks his hips forward and empties himself into her mouth.

He watches in awe, chest heaving post-orgasm, as she swallows him down and pulls off of him. With a quick swipe of her hand across she smiles.

She crawls up his body and places a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“So good. You were so good for me.”

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #tfatws #fanfic

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opbackgrounds · 4 years

Text

so I was doing some research after watching movie 6...

...and apparently it was originally written as a comedy

Yeah, I was surprised, too

Baron Omatsuri is not my favorite One Piece movie—Film Z has too many of my favorite tropes to be usurped from that position—but I do think it is the most daring. Of all the supplemental material I’ve seen and read, it feels the least...One Piece-ish.

Yes, that includes the noodle commercials.

If you haven’t seen the movie and can stomach a little spookiness, do yourself a favor and give it a watch. Unlike movies like Strong World or Z that have the look and feel of a manga arc, Movie 6 transplants the Straw Hat Pirates into a world that doesn’t feel like a One Piece story, taking risks and exploring themes that would never fit in the manga proper.

In addition to the obvious changes in art and animation style, there are supernatural elements that don’t make sense within the One Piece world. None of the Straw Hats win a fight—Luffy included, although he is heavily implied to have killed the big bad at the end. The moral of the movie, if it can be said to have a moral, is if you lose the people closest to you, the answer is to forget about them and make new friends. The story ends with many questions left unanswered and the main drama between the crew unresolved.

And, if you allow me to get philosophical for a moment, I wish there were more movies like it. As I wrote in my review of Novel A, I don’t go to supplemental material or side stories looking for a repeat of what’s in the manga. Oda has written 1000 chapters of One Piece—why not spice things up a little and try something different for a change?

I know the answer isn’t that simple, and by their very nature not all risks will pan out. There will be people who don’t like this movie because it’s different, both in look and tone. But there’s something to be said about a creator putting their heart and soul into a work and having it show in the final product.

Which brings us back to the original premise. How does a movie go from a light-hearted comedy based on a variety show theme to...this

Baron Omatsuri was directed by Mamoru Hosoda and came out in 2005. To put that into perspective, the movie was in production when the Luffy vs Usopp fight was first seen in the manga. Manga!Luffy had not yet faced the challenge of an inter-crew disputes when the story was being written and boarded, nor did the creative team have the events of Sabaody and Marineford to see how Luffy would react to the loss of his loved ones. They were working without a full understanding of Luffy’s character, and to a lessor extent the character of the Straw Hat Pirates, and it seems like Oda was much less involved In production than has been in movies since Strong World and beyond.

Likewise, Hosoda had just left a tumultuous situation at Studio Ghibli while working on Howl’s Moving Castle, and if this interview is anything to go by (https://instrangeaeonsblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/mamoru-hosoda-on-omatsuri-danshaku-animestyle-interview-part-1/) was going through a lot of personal shit when he was brought on as director. The script he was given was originally written like a variety show—something that was carried over into the various trials seen in the final movie—and meant to be a lighthearted affair after the relatively serious Movie 5 (which I have not seen am thus unable to compare tone).

With that backstory in mind, it’s easy to see how the bickering and backbiting between the Straw Hats early in the movie is a metaphor for Hosoda’s time at Ghibli, which is something he admits to in the interview. Movie 6 feels different than any other One Piece movie because it’s the project of a man who has had to endure the loss of those who he was close with, at least in a professional capacity.

There are moments in Movie 6 where Luffy doesn’t feel like Luffy. More than once a member of the Straw Hats ask him to intervene during arguments, moments Luffy either ignores or doesn’t notice. It’s a version of Water 7 where instead of fighting Usopp, Luffy ignores the underlying differences within his crew, and as a result loses everybody.

The structure of the three trials follows a clear path of deterioration within the crew, the initial goldfish scooping game showing the Straw Hats at their best and inciting the jealousy of the Baron, the ring toss sowing discord among the crew even as they snatch a narrow victory, only for them to be utterly crushed in the third and final challenge as they’re unable help one another survive.

It is somewhat implied that the Breaking of the Fellowship(TM) is magical in nature—that like the One Ring, the Lily Carnation was able to influence the Straw Hat’s thoughts and actions, but this is never stated outright and I prefer the more mundane interpretation: That without strong leadership the Straw Hats fell victim to the manipulative machinations of the Baron, and simply self-destructed as a result. In the end, it’s up to the interpretation of the viewer.

And speaking of things up to interpretation, I love how the Lily Carnation isn’t explained in the slightest. The plant that initially absorbs the Straw Hats looks more like the stem of a devil fruit than a flower, it for some reason rings like a gong when hit, and somehow is able to turn pieces of itself into facsimile of the Baron’s old crew who can somehow move around despite being plans. It’s weird, it’s wonderful, and the element of the unknown works so well in the horror-lite setting.

My personal theory is the island somehow managed to eat a devil fruit which manifests itself as the Lily Carnation (which due to the L/R conflation in Japanese, is pronounced ‘reincarnation’, which I think is a nice touch of foreshadowing that may or may not have been intentional).

(Also, I can’t decide if little chewing animation it makes when it’s eating people or the weird bullseyes it makes when shit gets real are the most terrifying thing in the movie.)

Hmmm, tasty.

Anyway, this is getting long, so here are some final thoughts:

1) This movie has some low key fantastic outfits. The Straw Hats all look very cool without being over designed like a lot of recent movies. Big hat Robin is of course a fave, and makes me really want to see her in a Carmen Sandiego getup.

2) Screenshots do not do the animation of the movie justice. It’s very fluid and has a lot of excellent expressions/poses, although I admit the 3D is jarring at times. Do not let the art put you off if you haven’t seen it

3) Also, I don’t think there’s any shading? Like at all? The movie does a lot of cool stuff with color instead. For example, the scene where Luffy initially loses to the Baron his skin goes all grey, and I thought it was because he was fighting at night, but it stays grey even in the better lighting of the underground tunnels and stays that way until he finds out the Straw Hats are still alive, where it returns to his normal color

4) There’s an extended Benny Hill-type gag when Luffy first chases after the little mustache pirate that’s perfectly timed to the music, and ends when Luffy just uses his power to grab him. The comedic timing is amazing and it’s probably my favorite funny moment in the movie, of which there are several despite the overall darker tone

5) The extended jungle shot from Nami’s POV? Very cool

6) I love how from the earliest scenes nothing is as it seems. The opening text is Robin reading the map, but the storm that’s seen on screen is the one that sank the Baron’s crew. Likewise the whole fancy city is shown to be fake panels early on, the goldfish catching game is a trap, etc., etc. It does a good job clueing the viewer in early that’s something’s very wrong on the island, even if they don’t realize it at first

7) I don’t think this type of movie would work in modern One Piece without somehow nerfing Luffy. Horror works best when the protagonist is weak and vulnerable, and that fits best with a pre-Gear 2/3 Luffy (same with the rest of the crew, tbh. I was waiting for Nami to use her lightning stick during the games, forgetting it hadn’t been boosted yet).

8) I like how there are four captains on the island representing different levels of loss—the Baron has lost his crew and wants to destroy all others because of it, mustache pirate lost his crew and is willing to put it behind him to make new friends, Luffy has freshly lost his crew and hasn’t decided what path he will go, and coward dad hasn’t lost his crew yet but is at risk if he doesn’t change his cowardly ways

9) I think the reason why Chopper was the first Straw Hat to disappear is he’s the most likely to play the part of peacemaker. He’s also the only crew member needing rescuing at the end of the goldfish scoop game, when Luffy foolishly puts his life at risk trying to save him from drowning, just like he recklessly charges the Baron at the end of the movie. Except that time there was no Sanji to save him, leaving Luffy to get his ass thoroughly kicked

10) This is a very good Halloween movie, and I’m glad I watched it in October

#opbackgrounds #long post #movie 6 #review #one piece #Baron Omatsuri

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p-artsypants · 4 years

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Integrity

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

Overwhelmed with her responsibilities, guilt, and drama, Marinette has an emotional breakdown in front of everyone, and even hands over her earrings in a moment of weakness. Only for a few seconds, but the damage was done. Adrien’s pretty quick on the uptake like that.

I got this idea from a sermon a few weeks ago. It was supposed to just be a one shot, and then it got out of hand. This will have maybe two more chapters.

FF.net | Ao3

—

Nino would feel guilty in the days to come after unconsciously making her burst into tears, Marinette knew. It wasn’t actually his fault, but there was so many layers to this onion that she couldn’t explain it if she wanted to.

I had been a simple request. He was going on to create a sequel of Horrificator, with Mylene and Ivan starring again. He had simply asked if she would be able to create a costume that matched the akuma on film, though it didn’t need to be perfect, since they’d be filming it Blair Witch style.

Before she could even respond, Lila had butted her head into the conversation and said something along the lines of ‘oh my father’s college roommate is a famous monster movie costume designer! He could totally whip something up for you!’

Her butting in hadn’t been the problem. Marinette was totally used to it now. She practically expected it.

“Oh that’s awesome, Lila!” Alya had chirped. “That would be so amazing!”

“Yeah dude! We’re going to start filming soon, so if you could reach out to him and give me an answer about it, that would be awesome!”

“Of course! And that way you don’t need to bother Marinette. She always so busy in the bakery…”

“I would have loved to do the costume.” Marinette clarified. “It really isn’t a problem. So if this falls through, let me know, okay?”

“Thanks Marinette!” Nino beamed.

Then Lila smirked. And Marinette sensed that she had sealed her own doom.

How? Easy.

Lila would put off on confessing that her contact was busy, and then Marinette would be forced to work too quickly and do a half-assed job, or reject it completely.

Making her look like a flake, or a bad designer.

She rolled her eyes at the thought, and took out her sketchbook and pulled up the Ladyblog on her phone. Of course Lila had no contact. There was no reason to wait for a response. She’d might as well just get started on it now.

“It’s so cool that you know so many people, Lila!” Alya said from her side.

“Oh, I try not to think about it too much. I don’t want to be a braggart.”

Marinette bit her tongue, trying not to respond.

From in front of her, Adrien had leaned his head on his arm, on her desk, watching her work. “That’s smart.” He said softly. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks Adrien.” She smiled at him, a little solemnly. Her stuttering was mostly gone now. She was trying to be a good friend and let him go for Kagami’s sake. But it was so hard! Especially since they weren’t official yet.

Alya sat next to her, ignoring her ‘jealousy’ to her classmate. “Girl, before you came around, Marinette was doing everything around here! Now we’ve got you so we can pull from all different talent pools!”

Except they weren’t. It was still Marinette.

Doing everything. As class representative, as craftsman, as liaison, as a tutor, and even a therapist. She was constantly bending over backwards to help.

And still no one appreciated her. Now she was working with shorter deadlines, and less respect. More skepticism and less mercy.

Everyone was taking advantage of her, and she was too nice to put a stop to it.

Or too naïve to notice it was even happening in the first place.

Of course, this was all on top of her guardian and Ladybug duties, which was already a full time job. And also a full time student, with remarkable grades!

And she was expected to do her chores and help out part time in the bakery.

She couldn’t remember the last time she designed something for herself.

“Of course,” clarified Nino, who had been sitting on his desk, “when you’re working with famous people, things don’t always work out. That’s why it’s nice to have Marinette around! She’s so clever! She always finds a solution!”

It was supposed to be a compliment. He was trying to let her know they still liked her and needed her.

But it came to a screeching halt with Nino’s words.

“Marinette?” Adrien asked, noticing the tears first.

She covered her mouth, lest she sob out loud and get too much attention.

But the concern in Adrien’s voice had already grabbed the attention of those around her.

“Girl...” Alya said with far too much pity. “There’s no reason to get upset.”

“Yeah Marinette.” Said Lila, with fake sympathy. “I know you want to be helpful, but you’re only one person. There’s no reason to be jealous. You can’t master everything!”

“Lila, maybe you should stop talking.” Adrien said patiently. “You know she doesn’t like you.”

“And I can’t imagine why! I’ve only ever been nice to her!”

Alya winced. “It’s...complicated.”

Lila gasped. “You’re not still jealous because of Adrien are you? After all, he’s dating Kagami, and she’s your friend! That’s not fair to me, Marinette!”

Any minute now, Marinette was going to burst into gut wrenching, uncontrollable sobbing. And she would rather do it as Ladybug so she could snatch up the Akuma before they landed. Classes were over for the day anyway. She had just stayed behind to attempt to socialize with her friends for just a few minutes.

Looked like that was in vain.

She stood, “I have to go.”

Alya grabbed her wrist. “No you don’t. Let’s just sit and talk this out.”

Lila continued to twist the knife. “Yeah Marinette. Let’s air our grievances like adults. We can be friends.”

But Marinette frantically scooped her belongings into her bag, holding onto every shred of dignity that she could, while Lila continued to rip it away from her.

“Can’t you see how your stubbornness is hurting your friends? You’re causing a lot of unnecessary drama.”

“Lila’s right, you know. Acting like this is really hurtful to me.” Said Alya, still full of sympathy.

She should have stayed silent, but her anguish spoke for her. “I’ve told you again and again that I don’t like Lila because she’s a liar. No one believes me, so there’s no point in talking about it!” Her voice cracked at the end.

“Marinette, we know Lila has a condition that causes her to misremember information. That doesn’t mean she’s maliciously lying!”

Marinette shook with untapped rage. She was a ticking time bomb. “She is though. She threatened me. I warned her that her lies were going to catch up to her, and she said that she was going to war with me. To take my friends away from me!”

“How dare you!” Lila shouted, with a pathetic snivel.

She was overacting, to be honest.

“You did that to me! How dare you try to make me the villain?! I was willing to let it go, but apparently, you’re worse than I believed!”

“Are you sure you aren’t misremembering that too, Lila?” Marinette bit.

“I could never forget the attempt someone made on my life! You gave me nightmares! You threatened to kill me! All because I was talking to the boy you were in love with—no! Obsessed with!”

“Marinette!”

“That’s awful!”

“Why would you do such a thing?!”

But Marinette didn’t respond, knowing that it was futile, just shouldered her backpack, half empty coffee cup in hand.

Adrien, bless his heart, packed up with her. “I’ll walk with you,” he offered.

Eloquence was not on her side, nor was grace or kindness. All that was holding her together was the utter desire to get away. “Leave me alone!” She shouted, before leaving.

Or, attempting to leave. She was short on the step and slipped, thrusting her coffee cup forward and right onto Lila.

“Ow!!” Lila cried, as the day-old lukewarm coffee hit her. “It burns!!”

Marinette, who wasn’t buying the pain, did feel guilt for spilling coffee. Because even if it wasn’t hot, it still stained. “Oh my gosh, I’m so so sorry Lila! That was an accident! Let me run home, I’ll get you a change of clothes!”

“You did that on purpose!” Lila sobbed, holding her arm. “I think it might be third degree!! Ow!”

“Marinette, seriously? What’s wrong with you? You’re out of control girl!” Alya scolded. “We need to tell the principal about this!”

“What? No! That was a complete accident! But the coffee is from this morning, it shouldn’t even be warm—“

“Come on Lila, let’s go see the nurse!” Rose, ever vigilant and noble, grabbed the lying girl and escorted her out of the room.

Marinette stood there quaking. Stupid. Unfair. Cruel. Why had fate turned everything against her? Why was everything unraveling?

Why did she mess up with every step?

“Marinette—“ Alya started.

Furious, and not quite herself, Marinette poured the rest of the coffee on the desk, on Alya’s hand.

“Hey!”

“She’s a liar! She’s always been a liar, and that’s all she’ll ever be!” Then she finally stalked out of the room.

Alya scoffed with a shake of her head. “God, bitterness is so ugly.”

“I’m going after her.” Adrien stated, making sure he had everything.

“Dude, leave it. Marinette’s always upset these days. Don’t worry about it. If what Lila says is true, we should just let her go. We should be more concerned about Lila.”

Though Alya didn’t quite share the sentiment as she touched the puddle of cold coffee on the desk. “Well...Lila might be being a little dramatic, or it could be shock. Either way, it’s just another day of drama. Marinette just needs to calm down. Even if she did have a lapse of judgement, that doesn’t mean we can’t just let bygones be bygones.”

Always upset these days? Was she really? How much of a friend to her was he if he had never noticed before?

Ignoring his other friends, Adrien left the classroom, hoping to catch up to her.

She was in the locker room, packing up her bag while she trembled and hiccuped.

“Marinette?” He asked.

“Please leave me alone.” She whispered.

He frowned, coming closer. “I don’t think I want to.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Like how?”

She shrugged her shoulders miserably. “Weak? Ugly? Pathetic? Take your pick!”

“What? Because you’re crying? That’s not weak at all. And you want to see an ugly crier? I’m an ugly crier.”

“I highly doubt that.” She whispered.

“No really! I get all snotty and hiccupy. When you cry...your eyes get all sparkly.”

Adrien had seconds to brace himself as her lips trembled, before she started to sob.

“Hey...” he reached out for her, wrapping his arms around her slowly so she could pull away. But instead, she just returned the hug, burying her face in his shoulder.

He could feel her tears leaking through. Still, he just held her, rubbing her back gently.

Suddenly, a switch flipped and she shoved him away. “No! No I can��t!”

“Marinette?” He asked, startled.

“It’s not fair! I can’t take comfort from you!”

“Sure you can!” He laughed incredulously. “I’m here for you, Marinette.”

“It’s not fair to Kagami!”

“Kagami? She’d want me to comfort my friend.”

Marinette trembled. “No! It’s more than that! You’re with her and I can’t cry on you because I don’t want to hurt her because I’m in love with you and it’s not fair to take advantage of you! It’s not fair that you don’t know that!”

His eyes blew wide. “You...what? Lila was telling the truth?”

Marinette made a horrible choking sound as she realized what she blurted. “No no no...no this can’t be happening. I didn’t, no I—I’m just a fan! I love you, like a friend! Like—like—!” She sobbed. “Ugh! I’m ruining everything! Everything is falling apart! Why am I so stupid?!”

Adrien grabbed her arm tightly, almost painfully. “Marinette, we need to go.”

She looked up sharply, seeing that he wasn’t looking at her.

He was looking at the black butterfly crawling through the edge of the window.

“No, you—you’ve got things to do. I’ll go—“

He squeezed her tighter, “you’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you alone.”

“But—“

“Come on!” He yanked her, pulling her out from the locker room and into the courtyard, where students were milling about. Including their classmates.

“Oh Marinette—“ began Alya.

“Shut up!” Adrien retaliated.

“No!” Marinette dug her heels in as a purple light formed a mask over her face.

Adrien didn’t let go. Couldn’t let go. He didn’t see where the Akuma had landed. Her bag? Her hair ties?

Marinette trembled. “I—I can’t. I won’t!”

Adrien turned to her, cupping her cheeks in his hands. “Marinette? Marinette listen to me. Look at me. You don’t need him, okay? You’re smart, and wonderful, and kind. He’s not going to help you. He’s lying to you. You hate liars, right?”

Marinette nodded mutely.

“Then tell him to piss off!”

“I can’t—“ she choked. “I can’t be akumatized. I can’t!”

“And you won’t!” Adrien argued. “There’s always a solution, no matter how bleak or overwhelming. And I will help you fix this!”

Marinette clenched her eyes shut, every muscle in her body coiled tight.

Then she whispered out, in a very even tone, “Hawkmoth, leave me alone.”

The light disappeared, and the black butterfly flew away.

For a few moments, everyone was tense, still, and silent, the only sounds coming from Marinette as she stifled her cries. Adrien moved his hands from her face down to hold her hands.

Then she collapsed, and started wailing.

Powerful, horrible, heartbreaking wails. The wails of hopelessness, fear, and loneliness, bubbling and bursting out of her like a waterfall. On and on, she just screamed, not caring who heard or saw.

The crowd was at a cross between embarrassed and concerned. Some wanted to give her privacy, some wanted to just leave. Either way, everyone eventually trickled away. Her classmates leaving last.

Adrien crouched, sitting beside her. Close enough she could lean on him if need be, but far enough away for her to pretend she had privacy. But he kept his hand on the back of her neck, moving across her shoulders occasionally for support.

“Marinette,” he moaned, once they were alone. “I know you must need to cry…but I can’t bare to watch this…do you want to talk about it? What happened? This isn’t just about what just happened in the classroom. Although that didn’t help...”

“It’s Lila!” She screamed. “And-And Alya! And you! And Master Fu! And Luka—And And—!” She wailed, her words turning into moans.

“Whoa whoa whoa what?”

She just wailed harder.

He exhaled slowly. “Okay, that’s a lot to unpack…” He glanced around, taking note of the lack of people. Fencing started soon, but he was obviously skipping.

“Marinette? Don’t you want to go to your house?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know! I don’t know what to do!”

“Hey, hey, let’s breathe together. Okay?” At least she wasn’t screaming anymore.

She hiccuped a few times, but finally took a deep breath along with Adrien.

“Okay.” He said, smiling at her. “You’re doing great. Now let’s slowly talk things out. Once we know what we need to do, we can take care of your problems in little chunks.”

“I can’t tell you my problems!” She yelled, clenching her fists. “That’s the whole problem! I can’t tell anyone! Not my parents! Not my friends, not—“ she cupped her hands over her mouth, holding back a sob.

“Oh Marinette...”

“No! No I can’t do this anymore! I’m 15! I can’t handle this kind of pressure! I’ve ruined all of it! Paris needs someone better, and I can’t even handle my own problems let alone everything else demanded of me.” She fumbled with her earrings, before slapping them down in his hand. “You take them! They’re your responsibility now! I quit!”

A flash of pink took over the earrings as they went from the plain black stones she wore, to the flat gray stubs he saw as his stint as Mister Bug.

He choked.

His reaction snapped her out of her hysteria. “I shouldn’t have done that! I should not have—!” She swiped the earrings back and put them back on with fumbling hands. “I need to go before anything else happens! I’m a walking disaster!”

“Hey, whoa whoa whoa, Marinette—“

“No, stop talking!” She snapped. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to yell. I’m just—panicking.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” He sighed, and then took her hand in his. “Look, let’s get out of here. We’ll go to your house.”

“But—But don’t you—aren’t you—will someone be looking for you?”

“I have fencing.”

“I don’t want you to be late!”

“Marinette! I’m skipping!”

“Really?”

“Yes! You’re way more important to me then some stupid sport!”

“But—“

He helped her to her feet. “I’ll text Kagami so she can cover for me. Don’t worry about it, Marinette.”

“...I just don’t want to burden you.”

“You’re not. I’m promise, you’re not.”

She gripped his sleeve. “You can’t tell Kagami, or—or anyone. Please Adrien, I didn’t mean to say it. It’s not...not that I don’t trust you. I’m just...” she sighed in frustration. She was so overwhelmed, words weren’t coming the way she wanted them to.

“Marinette, I get it.” He assured, taking hold of the hand gripping him. “You trusted me with the snake, even though I failed back then, I never breathed a word of it to anyone. I’m not going to say anything. See, I’ve already forgotten what you said.”

She managed a watery giggle. “Thanks Adrien.”

“Now come on. Let’s go talk somewhere private.”

Resigned, Marinette allowed Adrien to tug her along. On the front steps, students were milling around, having evacuated the courtyard. Adrien didn’t say a word to anyone, while Marinette kept her eyes firmly on the ground.

Once they were away from the school, Tikki peered out of the bag, taking note of the fat tears rolling down Marinette’s cheeks. She was spiraling again, assuming the worst.

But Chat Noir was here, and they’d work everything out.

In the bakery, however, things reached a fever pitch as Lila, still wet with coffee, stood at the counter, talking to Sabine.

The conversation halted as the little bell above the door chimed.

Lila just looked at them and smirked, her face turned away from Sabine.

“Thank you for telling me, young lady. I’ll handle everything.” The woman said, edge in her voice.

Lila nodded pitifully and walked passed them to the door.

As she passed Adrien, she whispered, “I’m going to your father next.” And then left without a rebuttal.

Marinette looked at him, wide-eyed and horrified. “Did she just—?”

“Adrien,” Sabine said sternly. “Thank you for escorting Marinette home. But I have to ask you to leave. I need a word with my daughter.”

Adrien panicked for a moment, not sure how to navigate this situation. He never talked back to authority figures.

Well, not as Adrien. But his Lady was in danger, so Adrien was going to sit this one out, and let his Chat Noir persona deal with it. He held up a hand. “Mrs. Cheng. I don’t know what Lila just told you, and frankly, I don’t want to know.” His tone was stern and demanding, one he adopted from his father in the most cutthroat situations. It was scary, to Sabine and Marinette. “Lila Rossi is a liar and has been harassing Marinette for a while now. She’s the one responsible for her expulsion, and lying to get it reversed as well. I’ve spent the last—“ he took out his phone to look at the time. God. “I’ve spent the last hour holding Marinette while she cried. That gave Lila plenty of time to come here and do damage.”

Sabine just stared between him and Marinette. “Marinette, is this true?”

She could only sniff and nod.

“Madam Cheng?” He said, a little softer. “My father doesn’t trust me. I never did anything to warrant that treatment, but he doesn’t. It hurts that I don’t have an adult I can turn to when I need help. Don’t be like that to Marinette.”

Sabine gasped a little. It was harsh, of course, but seein0g Marinette—his lady—so broken was stirring up some ugly emotions in him.

“I’m not leaving.” He told her. “Marinette needs me.”

“Of course dear. Thank you so much. I found it hard to believe that Marinette would become violent with anyone, but after that ridiculous expulsion, I didn’t know what to believe. I’m not at school, I know Marinette, but—“ she shook her head.

“I tripped.” Marinette whispered. “The coffee was cold. It was an accident.”

“Now that, I believe,” Sabine hummed fondly. “Madam Rossi probably deserves a phone call. Why don’t you two go up to her room? I’ll bring up some tea in a bit.”

Adrien massively sighed. “Thank you Madam Cheng. And...sorry for being rude.”

“You were stern. It was important.” She walked over and hugged her daughter, petting her hair. “Marinette, I’m so sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about this. I trust you, both of us do.” She kissed her head. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help every once in a while, okay?”

Marinette could only nod against her.

“I’ll let you two go. When you’re calmer, you can tell me what happened, if you want. Either way, I’ll disregard what that girl said.”

“Thank you, Maman.” Marinette whispered.

“Of course baby.” She kissed her forehead tenderly.

Then Adrien took Marinette’s hand again and pulled her away upstairs.

Once in her room, Marinette sat on her chaise, pulling her legs up to her chest. She was silent.

Adrien grabbed a blanket from her bed, and wrapped it around her shoulders, then sat by her side and pulled her to lean against him.

“Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen.”

She whimpered. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“...of saying something I’m not supposed to. I wasn’t supposed to tell you about...any of that. It just all came out.”

“Sounds like you’ve been bottling yourself up. That’s not healthy, Marinette.”

She pushed away from him, standing, her back to him. “I’m sorry, Adrien. I really appreciate you being here with me, but...it’s just too dangerous. And, like I said, it’s not fair to Kagami.”

Adrien huffed, his bangs fluttering over his forehead. “Marinette...I’m just trying to help.”

“And I appreciate that, but I can handle it.” Then quietly, more to herself. “I have to handle it.”

Swallowing a growl, he looked at his stubborn lady. “What about Chat Noir?”

She hunched her shoulders. “What about him?”

“Have you talked this out with him? Does he know you’re struggling?” He knew the answer, but he was curious to what she would say. Would she lie?

Her hiccups and sniffles weren’t exactly what he was expecting, but it wasn’t surprising. “He’s already so disappointed with me!”

“What?” He stood too, whirling to face her. “What are you talking about?”

“It was written all over his face during the last fight! He knows I gave away my mentor’s identity! I’m the reason Chloé got upset! And I keep stringing him along!” She sobbed. “He had to do everything in that last fight! I couldn’t plan, or think or—or do anything! And he hasn’t talked to me since!”

Adrien’s warm hands landed on her shoulders. “Marinette, Ladybug, you know that’s not true right? Chat’s your partner. He’d never be disappointed in you!”

“How do you know?”

He shrugged. It wasn’t the right time to reveal himself. She was already dealing with so much. Surely revealing himself would cause another spiral. “I just do.”

She shook her head in disbelief.

He pulled her back down to the chaise to sit, and rested a warm hand on her back. Then he eased her over to lean against his shoulder again.

“I won’t say a thing. I’m not Adrien, I’m not anyone. Just a pillow with ears. Why don’t you talk it all out. And once you’re done, I’ll stuff this day far into the back reaches of my mind where no one will find it. All your secrets are safe with me.”

Marinette started to relax against him, despite the absolute panic of being close to her crush. He was warm, and his arms held her securely. She felt safe.

Tikki made her appearance, coming out of Marinette’s bag that had been set on her desk. “Marinette?”

Marinette only looked back at her, ashamed and embarrassed.

“It’s alright. You can trust Adrien,” is what she said. Not, “you‘ve failed and I hate you. How dare you!” There was no judgement, no reprimanding. Just comfort.

She wanted to cry again, but Adrien petted her head, a soothing rhythm.

With a shuddering breath, she began, “Lila’s been threatening me. I knew she was lying because I’m Ladybug. I didn’t like that she was using my name to get close to you. I saw her getting away with all these other lies too because no one bothered to fact check her. It was frustrating that every time I urged Alya to listen, she wrote me off as jealous. I’m not jealous of her. I have no reason to be. But because I have a...crippling crush on you—“ she bit her lip.

Adrien gave no reaction.

She continued, “—I was automatically deemed jealous because she was talking to you. Lila confronted me in the bathroom, fake concerned about my well being when I was moved to the back of the classroom. But when I told her I knew she was lying, and that everyone would figure her out, she threatened me. She said she was going to make me her enemy, that my friends would leave me behind and you’d—you’d be with her. I tried to ignore it, and take the high road like you suggested, but...”

“Did you tell anyone she threatened you?”

“...no.”

“Why?”

“I was so scared Alya would treat it like every other thing I said to her about Lila. She’d pass it off as jealousy. She’s supposed to be my best friend but she doesn’t believe me!!”

“Forget about Alya then. If she doesn’t believe you, then that’s her fault. You’ve got nothing to prove. What about anyone else?”

Marinette shuttered. “I thought...no one would believe me.”

“Even me?”

She pushed away from him, hugging herself, the guilt starting to creep back in. “I can barely talk to you...how was I supposed to tell you I was being threatened?”

“That’s fair, I guess. I just...I could have helped you.”

She was quiet, hugging her arms to her chest. “I...didn’t think about it. It was my problem to deal with. And I’m not great at asking for help. I’m sorry.”

“Aw, you don’t need to apologize for that Marinette. You didn’t do anything wrong. Lila’s the one with the stick up her ass.”

Marinette giggled. She had never heard Adrien swear before.

Suddenly, Adrien’s phone rang, interrupting the conversation. He sighed heavily. “Gee, I wonder who that could be.” He took it out, and saw Nathalie’s name. “I’m sorry, I have to take this. Then you can have my full attention.”

She highly doubted that, but nodded him on.

He answered, “hi Nathalie.”

“Adrien, your father wants you home immediately. Considering that you answered, I’m assuming that you’re not in practice anymore...or maybe you never went.”

Adrien swallowed, but realized there was no point in arguing. Not with her at least. “Put my father on, please.”

“You can talk to him when you come home.”

“This is urgent, Nathalie, give the phone to my father.” He couldn’t keep the bite out of his tone, but allowed his protectiveness to take the reins, filling him with adrenaline.

“One moment.”

The phone went quiet before Gabriel’s voice cut in, “Adrien, I want you home. Now. You are in danger with that girl—“

“Do you trust me?”

Gabriel sighed, “I’d trust you more if you did as I asked.”

“No, father, I need to know if you will listen to me and believe me when I have something important to tell you.”

“Yes yes,” he said, and Adrien could imagine him flipping his hand. “What is it, Adrien? What is so important?”

“Lila Rossi has been sexually harassing me.” He blurted. Not the argument he was planning on making, but one that might make his father listen to him.

Gabriel paused before asking, “what?” All anger in his voice had evaporated, which was new.

“She touches me without my permission. And she threatens any other girls that get close to me. I don’t know what she told you about Marinette, but she’s been threatening her for a while. Marinette had a break down at school. I’m trying to comfort her.”

A pair of slender arms wrapped around his waist from behind in a gentle hug. She rested her cheek against his spine. Adrien rested a hand over hers, appreciating the comfort.

For once, Gabriel didn’t respond. Adrien took that as a cue to keep going.

“I don’t feel safe around Lila. She lies to people to get her way. She got Marinette expelled almost effortlessly. I’m scared that she’ll do something like that to me. To us. What’s stopping her from accusing me of sexual harassment or worse?” He swallowed. “Please don’t make me model with her anymore.”

Gabriel continued to be silent, and Adrien took it as quiet contemplation.

Finally, Gabriel responded. “You’re concerns are valid. You make very good points. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”

Adrien exhaled in a whoosh.

“I will be working through dinner, so you may stay with the Dupain-Chengs if they’ll have you. Just be home by 8. I’d like to talk with you more about this then.”

“Thank you, Father.”

“Thank you for being honest with me, son.” And he hung up.

Adrien took a shaky breath as Marinette pulled away from him. “Sorry for the hug, I know you were just talking about being sexually harassed—I just know that was a hard conversation to have and—“

“Marinette.” He stopped her, holding her hand. “It’s more than okay. You can hug me whenever you like. I don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.” He smiled. “Your hugs, whether intentional or not, are nice.”

She blushed.

“I-I mean...Lila and Chloe hang on me, or clamp down like...like a pair of handcuffs. You hold me. Sure, but gentle enough I can pull away. It’s nice.”

Still blushing, and unable to look him in the eye, she hugged him again, hiding her face in his chest.

He gathered her close, savoring her touch. He had found her. Finally. Of course, it was in a horrible way, and she didn’t know who he was. But he found her, and he still loved her without the mask. That’s more than he ever could have asked for.

“Your hugs are really nice too.” She mumbled into his shirt.

He snickered, imagining her reaction if he was Chat. He couldn’t help but think it would be a little different. “Alright,” he pulled away slightly. “My problems are on hold. Let’s get back to you. Let’s get back to what caused you to cry in class. What got you so suddenly upset? Because you started crying before Lila blurted out all that stuff. Was it Lila making another bogus offer?”

She shook her head. “No...it’s stupid.”

“It’s obviously not stupid if it made you cry.”

She sighed, but didn’t pull away this time. Her walls began to crumble, since he was Adrien and he was so kind.

“It wasn’t Lila. It was actually Nino.”

“Nino? Really? What did he do? Do you need me to kick his butt?”

She smiled softly. “No, he didn’t do it on purpose. I think it was supposed to be a compliment...”

“And that was...?”

“He said that it was nice to have me around when things fail because I always have the solution.” Her eyes watered as she spoke.

“Oh. Hmm. I guess I don’t really see why that would have bothered you? I mean, you are really smart and clever, and quick too! You always know what to do.”

“But I don’t!” She threw her arms in the air and began to pace. “That’s just it! I can come up with problem solvers when facing an Akuma! And occasionally I have good ideas for dealing with school problems! But right now? I don’t know what the heck I’m doing!” She shouted, a few tears leaking out. “My mentor is gone, and it’s my fault! I gave away his identity to Hawkmoth and he in turn gave up his memories to protect me and Chat! Now I’m the guardian of the Miraculous and I’m only 15! So not only do I have to deal with that big mess, but I have to deal with balancing being a full time student and superhero without letting anyone catch onto what’s happening, which requires a lot of lying, which I hate doing!! And now with Lila making these bogus claims and no one listening to me, I’m left scrambling to pick up the mess she makes because I’m the class representative and I’m terrified of disappointing my friends more! I’m already on thin ice with the class and being a social outcast might just break me! So I have to put aside my own problems to deal with Paris and my fickle classmates. I just keep watching you grow farther away, and Chat become more and more disappointed and heartbroken, and Luka become more impatient and I don’t even have the emotional energy to decide which one hurts me more!” She outright sobbed.

“Marinette...” Adrien breathed, not able to say much else.

“Just for once, I want my problems to just—solve themselves. Because I’m so tired and I’m so scared! I messed up so badly today—what about tomorrow? What if my next break down is in front of Hawkmoth?”

Adrien stood slowly, approaching her like a wild animal. “Hey...if it’s any consolation, you are completely justified in having this break down. This is an unbelievable amount of stress you have. I’m surprised you didn’t crack earlier.”

“I did. Right before Miracle Queen. Luka found me then. I felt awful for crying on him, because I know he cares about me...but I just don’t feel the same. I like him, I really do, but I can’t—“ she shook her head. “I’m just leading him on at this point. I’m so terrible.”

“I know exactly how you feel.”

She looked up at him, seeing the sympathy in his eyes. He looked miserable.

“That’s exactly how I feel about Kagami.”

Marinette wiped the tears from her cheek. “What?”

“She said that my indecision hurt her, which I get but...I can’t just stop loving—“ he turned red, and turned his face away, “sorry, we’re focusing on your problems. Not mine.”

“No, don’t. Adrien, who are you in love with, if not Kagami?”

The desperation in her voice forced him to look at her. He felt extremely embarrassed and guilty. All this time, he declared he’d know her anywhere, and yet how was he supposed to explain that he looked right passed her?

“Um...” he said smartly.

“Please?”

“It’s...you. I’m in love with you.”

She choked, her face turning red. “You...are? But I thought...”

“Ladybug, you. To be more precise. But now that I know who you are, the feelings are the same. Or possibly even stronger. Just so you know. It’s not just some silly celebrity thing.”

She opened her mouth, preparing to speak, but the words were stuck, her throat dry.

“Marinette...” he took her hands gently. “You are amazing, brave, smart, and kind. You’re my hero, and while you are going through some really hard stuff right now, you have something that Lila and Hawkmoth don’t.”

“A life?”

He chuckled, “well, yes. But I was going to say integrity.”

“Integrity?”

“Yeah. Willingness to help others even when you have bad days. Doing your best to keep promises. Being someone dependable, honest, and selfless. It might be exhausting, but in the end, you’ll be still standing when everyone else’s messes fall down around you.”

Her shoulders sagged as she let out a whoosh of air. “That’s really sweet, Adrien. But...” she hugged herself. “You told me it didn’t matter as long as you and I knew the truth. That I should take the high road and her lies would catch up to her. Well, I almost got expelled, so it obviously isn’t working.”

“Right, yes. And I’m sorry,” he clarified. “When I gave you that advice the first time, I didn’t know she threatened you. I thought it just bothered you that she was lying in general. I’m not saying you have to lay down like a dog anymore, I’m just saying that you have an advantage on her. And your character is your foundation. If you were a terrible person, and she was lying about you, there would be no reason for anyone to doubt her. But because you are so amazing, someone’s going to notice. And if they don’t, that’s not your fault. I will help you come up with a way to solve this problem, I promise.”

She sighed again, this time in relief. “Thank you Adrien. That means a lot.”

“Now,” he began, starting to pace himself. “I’m not sure what I can do to help you with the Miraculous. Given that I was a terrible temporary holder, and I’m not even supposed to know about this—“

“You don’t need to help me there.” She sighed, but in a gentle way, that sounded relaxed and okay. “If we can get the Lila situation under control, I think I’ll be able to handle guardianship a lot more.”

“What about Chat? Can he take some responsibilities?”

She groaned. “That’s another one of my problems. He’s so...”

Adrien held his breath, ready to take whatever terrible trait she had honed in on.

“...so wonderful.”

Huh. Not expected, but not unwelcomed!

“He’s goofy, and impatient, and goes overboard sometimes, but he has such a good heart and encourages me. So during that last fight...it broke me to see him step up and take control while I just spiraled.”

“You’re a team though. He should be able to take control when you’re unable to.”

“I know, but it shouldn’t be when I’m having an existential crisis! Just when I’m hurt or sick—“

“I’m sure Chat didn’t mind stepping up.”

“How do you know?”

“I mean, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

Marinette groaned again. “And there again! If I keep rejecting him, he’s just going to get more and more heartbroken, and then he’s going to resent me! And I hate that! I don’t want to be the cause of that!”

Adrien paled. Honestly, he was trying to move on with Kagami. He wasn’t going to let heartbreak turn to resentment. Especially not towards her, who he still adored. That was yesterday’s problem though, things were looking pretty optimistic in the love department now. Though they hadn’t gotten that far yet.

“Marinette, I think if that does happen, it wouldn’t be your fault. I think...Chat should be mature enough to respect your wishes.”

“He has his moments.” She breathed. “Did you know I almost gave up being Ladybug right at the beginning?”

“What?! No way!”

“Yes! But Chat encouraged me. Alya was in danger and that prompted me to put the earrings back on, but Chat actually talked me into being a hero. In my darkest moments, I wonder ‘what would Chat say?’ Sometimes the answer is stupid, but it makes me laugh. And then I hear his encouragement.”

“You care a lot about Chat, don’t you?”

“I love him. He’s my best friend and the best partner I could ask for.”

Adrien’s lovesick grin was probably not the best reaction to her praise of someone else. He shook himself into a more relaxed and normal expression. “Have you guys talked at all since then?”

“No. I have no idea what to say to him.” She plopped down in one of her computer chairs and leaned her head back. “I wish I knew Chinese!”

“What?” Adrien asked at the sudden change in conversation.

“Don’t get me wrong, I know some. But not enough to get me by. My mom offered to teach me some when I was younger, but I was being stubborn and now I regret it! I’ve been trying to learn more since I started training, but I can’t ask my mom for specific phrases, and free apps only get me so far!”

“Why do you need to know Chinese?”

Marinette took a deep breath, and looked at Tikki.

“I mean, he already knows this much, might as well keep going.”

She exhaled. “Alright. The miraculous come with...a manual, of sorts. But it’s all in code. Some of that code is in Chinese, either Mandarin or something else...maybe even ancient Chinese. I don’t know. But I figure being able to read it would help me figure it out.”

“Uh...wasn’t there a temple or something in Tibet that came back? Could you use the Teleportation miraculous to get there?”

Marinette stared at him, wide-eyed. “You...you’re on to something there! Oh but that doesn’t fix my Chinese problem! I know how to say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘good morning’ and stuff but not ‘hello, I’m the new Miraculous Guardian in Paris and I don’t know how to read the book. Can you teach me?’”

“Hello, I’m the new Miracle Stone Guardian in Paris and I don’t know how to read the book. Can you teach me?” Adrien said in Mandarin. “At least I think that’s what it is. I said ‘Miracle Stone’ instead of Miraculous, because I think that’s a better translation—“

“Adrien!” Marinette grabbed his face with both hands, squishing his cheeks together. “You speak Mandarin!”

“Yes? Isn’t that what you were getting to? Asking me to be your translator?”

“I didn’t—we couldn’t—“

“Because I’m not supposed to know?” He asked delicately.

Marinette didn’t answer.

“Or because you believe you have to do this on your own?”

She groaned again. “Are you like a mind reader or something?”

He rested a hand on her shoulders and rubbed back and forth. “One of my many talents.”

“But, yes. That is what I’m worried about. I don’t want to get you too involved. I should at least talk to Chat about it.”

“Yeah, I think you should just be honest with him. Just tell him everything.”

“I can’t tell him everything, it would compromise my identity!”

“Um, just out of curiosity…why don’t you two know who the other is?”

“It was a safety measure, in case either one of us got akumatized, or under the control of an akuma. Our master was very strict about it.”

“But, you’re the guardian now. Isn’t it better to know each other? What if something happens to the other? There’s no one that would know who the other is.”

Marinette exhaled. “I’ve been thinking about that too. I just…I don’t know.”

“Okay. Well, I think you should let him in at least a little more. Just talk to him. He should at least know where your head is at.”

“Okay. I’ll start there.”

Adrien’s phone buzzed with a text. “Oh, who is it this time?”

Kagami: Where are you?

“Oh whoops! I needed Kagami to cover for me.”

Adrien: I’m with Marinette. There’s some class drama going on right now. Can you cover for me?

Kagami: Sure! Tell her she’s got me on her side. (Even though I’m not sure what’s going on.)

Kagami: Are you doing anything this weekend? I’d love to get Ice Cream with you! <3

Adrien winced, as he read the newest text.

“Is something wrong?”

“Um, just trying to figure out how to interpret this text. I think Kagami is asking me out.”

Her heart sunk. “Well, um…are you going to go?”

“Not if it’s a date.”

Adrien: As friends?

The little dots popped up, indicating that she was typing.

Kagami: I already told you that your indecision hurts me. Are we a couple or not? Please don’t waste my time.

“Woof. It’s like everyone is falling apart today.”

“What’s wrong? Can I help?”

Adrien smiled at her. “Not to be a complete hypocrite, but I have to handle this on my own. Should I just be blunt and honest?”

“Quite honestly, that seems like Kagami’s language.”

Adrien: I really care about you Kagami, and your friendship is very important to me. I don’t want to lose you. But I can’t be in a relationship with you. I’m very much in love with Marinette, and I just found out she feels the same. But I can’t be with her right now because of…extenuating circumstances. I wouldn’t be fair to you to be with you while I wait until things clear up for her. You deserve to be happy, and I don’t think I can be that person for you. I’m sorry.

“Adrien? Is everything okay?”

“I…I think I’m doing the right thing.”

Kagami: Thank you for your honesty. I wish you had told me sooner. We will remain friends, but I need some time. Tell Marinette I said hi and that I hope she feels better.

Adrien didn’t know how to respond to this very professional reply, so he just didn’t. He had heard you weren’t supposed to break up over text, but they weren’t exactly dating in the first place. More than likely, this conversation would be continued in person. Or she’d never talk to him again.

Instead, he noticed he had another unread text.

Nino: Did you take Marinette home? Is she okay?

Adrien gnawed at his lip. “Are you okay if I tell Nino kind of what the truth is? Besides your identity?”

Marinette shrugged. “If you can convince him, be my guest.” And she took a seat at her desk, pulling out some homework.

Adrien sat in the chair nearby, tapping out an honest reply.

Adrien: I took her home, still with her. She’s not great.

Nino: Alya said that Lila went to tell her mom about what happened. Please tell me she didn’t.

Adrien: She so did.

Nino: Ugghghhhgghhh We told her not to, especially since Alya confirmed that the coffee was cold. Ngl that whole thing at the end was super dramatic

Adrien: Of course. She’s an attention hog, and she demands it however she can get it. That includes lying out of her nose.

Nino: Lowkey bro, I haven’t been believing Lila’s stories for a while. I’ve been going along with it because she’s nice and Alya’s really good friends with her, but today was too much. It was not her place to out Marinette’s crush, especially in front of you. That was dirty

Adrien: Wait really? What made you start doubting her?

Nino: When she could never come through with any of her promises. A few times, sure, celebrities are busy, but every single time she said she’d pull a string, it would fall through. Chloe is more reliable than her. Why do you think I asked Marinette for help first?

Adrien: Boy I’m glad to hear you say that! Marinette’s feeling really overwhelmed because she has to pick up all the plans that Lila ruins.

Nino: Why? It’s not her fault. I love Marinette, but she’s got to stop catering to people.

Adrien: Dude…don’t get mad, but that’s kind of what tipped her over this afternoon. You said something like ‘she always has a solution’. She feels like everyone is depending on her to make things right.

Nino: Aw dude you’re so right! I noticed she started crying when I said that! I just didn’t get why! Aww man!

Adrien: I don’t think she minded helping people, but being asked to help and being expected to help are two totally different things

Nino: For sure dude.

Adrien: You trust me right?

Nino: Yeah dude! You’re my dog bro!

Adrien: Then know what I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth. Lila isn’t just lying for attention. She’s lying maliciously to hurt Marinette on purpose. And not only is she not friends with Ladybug, she HATES her. Chat Noir himself told me that she faked an injury to get him out of a fight and leave Ladybug alone with an akuma. When I told her she didn’t need to lie to make friends, she turned straight up evil. Marinette got on her bad side because she told her to knock it off. She lied about Marinette pushing her down the stairs, and all the other stuff that got her expelled. The only reason Marinette was allowed back at school was because I sorta blackmailed Lila. That’s when she made up that ridiculous lie about having a lying disorder.

Adrien’s phone laid on the desk for a moment, Nino’s contact completely silent.

Nino: Dude.

Nino: I gotta find Alya.

Nino: Stay with Mari.

“Okay. So, I think I won Nino over.” Adrien said with a relieved smirk.

Just then, Marinette’s phone buzzed. She had ignored it since coming home, knowing that there would be a plethora of foul messages from classmates. But she spared the screen a glance. “He just texted me. ‘Dude, I’m so so so so so so so so sorry that what I said hurt you. I only meant that you are extremely smart and clever and reliable. I never wanted to take advantage of you, but it’s nice to have someone in your corner, who you can trust and knows will be honest with you. You’re real, and I’m stopping communication with Lila now. What she did was not cool. Sorry this went on for so long. I’m talking to Alya now. Might take a while to wear her down. You know how she is. But she loves you, so she’ll see the light’.”

“Aw. Nino’s so cool.”

Her phone buzzed again. She blushed at the message, and turned it face down.

“What was that?”

“He said ‘behave’ and then a winky face.”

“Ha! I love Nino. It makes sense why you chose him to be Carapace.”

“You know about that?”

“Yeah, I know who all of the others are now. Except Chat Noir, but I have my suspicions.”

“Oh yeah, who do you suspect?”

“You know the performer XY?”

Marinette gagged. “No. Way. My Chat is way more handsome, kind, and talented than that pompous asshat!”

Adrien guffawed, and when he collected himself, he giggled out, “Handsome, huh?”

“Of course he’s handsome! But don’t you dare tell him I said that!”

“Your secret is safe with me.” He took on a more serious tone. “All of them are, you know? I promised I’d stuff this day in the back of my mind so no one will know.”

“Actually,” she gave a contented sigh. “It’s nice that someone knows. It’s nice that you know.”

“But we didn’t actually solve any of your problems.”

“Well, no. But we have a solid foundation to work on. I feel a lot more optimistic about being the guardian and dealing with Lila. I think the rest will fall into place when I have less on my plate.”

“And I’ll help you with Lila. Again, I’m sorry for my useless advice earlier.”

She rested a hand on his shoulder. “Adrien, it was helpful advice for what you assumed was going on.”

“I really tried, you know. She weaseled her way into my photo shoots, and I told her I wouldn’t boot her as long as she left you alone. And she hasn’t. So the deal is off.”

“You did that for me?”

“Of course!”

“Even without knowing that I’m...?”

“Yes! Marinette! You were always a very precious friend to me. The first that I really felt like I earned on my own. It really sucked to see you hurting, and I wanted to do whatever I could to protect you.”

Tears sprang to her eyes, but in a hopeful way this time. She threw her arms around him and squeezed. “You’re the best.”

He hugged her back, squeezing her tightly. “I try.” He glanced at his phone. “Looks like we got some time before I have to leave. Did you want me to look at that book? Or do you want to just play video games?”

“Honestly, video games sound awesome. Let me just go tell my mom you’re staying for dinner.”

“Okay.”

After she left, Plagg appeared. “You doing okay kid? Your heart is just a hum for how hard it’s beating.”

“I’m fine, just...I guess still processing everything? No wonder she feels so overwhelmed.”

“I’d like to think that by confiding in you, she’s feeling a little better.”

“I hope. I know how particular she is about her identity. She might still be uncomfortable.”

“Are you going to tell her who you are?”

“Not just yet. On one hand, she might feel better knowing it’s not some random person who knows who she is, but on the other hand, that’s a whole other can of worms and just one more thing to worry about.”

“Yeah. But you’re also not a stranger to her. You’re a good friend and the boy she’s in love with.”

“Yeah…Marinette’s…Ladybug. And she’s in love with me…”

“Kid?”

That was all the warning Plagg got before Adrien straight up passed out on the floor.

Marinette rushed back upstairs when she heard the thump. And thankfully Plagg heard her steps so that he could hide.

“Adrien?!”

The dizzy spell only lasted a few seconds, as he groggily blinked back to awareness.

“Are you alright? Do you need water? Food?”

“Yes to all the above.” He stated with a lopsided smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just...I think my brain finally processed who you were and I just got really light headed.”

“You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

“No, I’m fine. Thanks Mari.”

She blushed.

“Is that okay? Can I call you that?”

“You can call me anything.”

“Okay boo boo bear.” He grinned.

She started giggling. “Oh no! Not disgusting pet names!”

“Snookie wookums?”

“No!”

“Sweetie Mari pie?”

“Adrien!”

“My most ardent desire, love of my life?”

She calmed down her giggles. “That one’s pretty good, only if you say the whole thing every time.”

He smiled warmly at her. “Actually, I think I have the perfect name for you. But I’ll drop it on you when you least expect it.”

“Whatever you say...Blondie.”

“That’s the best you got?”

“I’ll think on it. I’ll get one that just melts your heart.”

There was a knock on the trap door. “Marinette?” Asked Sabine.

Marinette opened the door, and helped her mom with the tray of snacks and tea.

“Here you go. Plenty of feel good snacks to help a wounded heart.”

“Thanks Maman.” Marinette said earnestly.

“Now, I want you to know, I got in contact with Lila’s mother.” She sighed. “I’m so sorry honey, but she’s right up in Lila’s lies. She didn’t even believe me when I said Adrien had come over to clarify everything. Apparently, he’s dating Lila. There’s no way he would defend her bully.” Sabine gave them a flat look.

“Me? Date Lila? I’d sooner date a rancid garbage bag. And kiss it too!”

“Well, and least the garbage bag would never lie to you.” Marinette smiled.

“So, want do you want me to do?” Asked Sabine. “Stay out of this? Call the principle? Call a lawyer?”

“No mom,” Marinette said with an accepting sigh. “I think we’ll handle her.”

“Don’t do anything dangerous.” She warned. “I know you’re not a bad kid. But don’t stoop to her level.”

“Don’t worry. I intend to handle it with grace and dignity.”

“Dignity I can see. Grace? Just do your best.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Just let me know if you need anything. Talking to her mother didn’t work, but if we can a parent teacher conference...”

“That’s not a bad idea,” said Marinette. “But let me try a little longer. Adrien knows a little more about the situation, and so does Nino.”

“Okay baby.” Sabine smiled. “I’m proud of you. And I love you. You too, Adrien. I’m proud of you for coming here and making things right.”

He blushed. “Thank you Madam Cheng.”

“Alright, I’ll leave you kids alone. I’ll call for dinner.”

“Thanks mom!”

The video games were a great distraction from all the stress and revelations the day had brought. Smack talk, praise, puns, and even overt flirting.

“What’s wrong, Ladybug? Having trouble in a digital battle?”

“Oh you wish! I’ve fought in one of these for real!”

“Oh you lie! You think you can just tell me you did anything as Ladybug and I’ll believe it!”

“I mean, I can. You can’t prove I didn’t.”

“Yes I can, you’re sucking at this!”

“Oh but that’s just a part of my plan!” In a super mega ultra combo, Adrien’s health bar went from three quarters full, to only one hp left.

“Nonononono!!” He cried, mashing the block button.

It didn’t matter.

“Victory, thy name is sweet.”

“Guhhhh,” Adrien moaned as he flexed his sore hand. “And not a single victory for me.”

“You’ll get there some day.”

“When you go easy on me...”

“No promises there, handsome boy.”

He grinned at her.

From downstairs, Sabine called, “Adrien! Your bodyguard is here!”

“Wow, is it 8 o’clock already?”

The clock read 7:45.

“You know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun.”

He smiled softly at her. “And with you, every minute is an absolute blast.”

She blushed.

“Look, Marinette...” he trailed off, scratching the back of his head. “I...I want to be more than just a friend. I really...I love you. Truly.”

“But...?”

He winced. “A temporary but. I have a few loose ends I need to tie up before I ask you out, properly. I need to talk to my father, and I’d like to make sure Kagami’s okay. And I should probably mention it to Chloé.”

“Okay. That makes sense.”

“I just don’t want anything to ruin us before we even start, you know?”

“Of course. I understand completely.”

He sighed in relief. “Thank you. And um...I’ll leave you with this, so you know I’m serious.”

“Leave me with what?”

He swooped in, pressing the sweetest, warmest, lovely kiss of them all on her lips. It only lasted a few seconds, just to leave them both pining for more.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asked as they parted.

She didn’t have the words, as she only dumbly nodded back.

With his award winning smile, he pressed a tiny peck to her nose and then danced away before she could compose herself.

After he left, she sank to the floor.

“Wow! Looks like talking out your problems with someone really did help!” Said Tikki.

“Uh huh...”

“You okay?”

“Adrien...kissed me.”

“He sure did! That was really cute!”

“I love him...I’m going to marry him.”

“Okay, maybe slow down...”

“Don’t crush my dreams Tikki!”

—

At home, Adrien arrived 5 minutes before 8. But his father was still waiting outside his office.

“Welcome home, Adrien. Did you enjoy dinner with Marinette and her family?”

It was certainly nice to receive a warm welcome! “Yeah! Her mom made this soup that was really good, and we had fresh bakery bread!”

“Sounds lovely.” Gabriel stayed with a pleasant tone. “If you aren’t busy, I should like to finish our earlier conversation.”

“No. I mean, no I’m not busy! We can talk!”

Gabriel nodded and beckoned him into his office. They sat across from each other in chairs.

“I want to thank you for being so frank about the situation with Miss Rossi. I’ll admit, I was impressed with her quick wit and ability to fabricate stories—“

“Wait.” Adrien held up a hand. “You know she was lying?”

“Of course. I’m not an idiot. Her lies were obvious, but to the unpracticed ear, they’d go unnoticed. She seemed earnest enough when she told me she cared about you, and so I...had her keep an eye on you.”

Adrien felt his skin crawl. “She...spied on me?”

“Hmm. Spied is a little strong of a word. Just reported back to me the goings on of your classmates.”

“I mean,” Adrien began, sheepishly. “If you wanted to know, you could have just asked. I would have told you.”

“I should have. I see that now. Lila was obviously abusing my trust and taking advantage of you. She probably assumed she could get away with anything as long as she reported everything else.”

Adrien wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. He desperately needed a shower after this conversation.

“I feel kind of violated.”

“I understand. Lila had no business to touch you without your consent.”

“No, I mean, yes, that was very violating, but I meant, your spying on me. I thought you trusted me?”

“I do. Adrien, I do. Lila told me you were being manipulated by unsavory types. I now know that she was talking about herself. What you said about her lying to get Miss Dupain Cheng in trouble really hit me. We will be dropping her as a model, and I’ll be speaking with my lawyer in case she decides to turn her silver tongue on us.”

Adrien sighed in relief. “Thank you father.”

“You know if someone ever touches you in a way you don’t like, you’re allowed to say no. Right?”

“I...yes. I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Well, I just...it happens all the time. Models and stuff. Lila was just doing it off set too.”

Gabriel frowned in thought. “Does modeling make you uncomfortable?”

“No. Not really. Just...some of the times in like, couple shoots?”

“I see. I’ll look into getting you more solo sessions.”

This conversation was going a lot better than he expected. His father had certainly lowered Adrien’s expectations, but at least he was admitting allowing a teenager to spy on him was a bad idea.

Progress.

“Now, about Miss Dupain Cheng.”

Adrien winced.

“What’s your...relationship, currently?”

“Right this minute, we’re still just friends. But very soon, I hope to be dating her.”

“Mmmm. You’re still very young, Adrien.”

“I know. But too young to love?”

His father gave a little chuckle. “You are so much like your mother. I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to prevent you from dating, since I dated at your age as well. Marinette has certainly proved to be an upstanding girl. Her family name is well known and respected, even in elite circles. If you wish to date her, you have my blessing.”

Yes!!

“But I would like to have dinner with her and her family, once you do ask.”

“Yes father, of course. Thank you!”

Today wasn’t so bad after all. Of course, it hurt to see his lady in so much pain, but he had been able to bring her so much happiness! And now this!

“There’s one more thing I wanted to talk about.” Gabriel took a very serious tone.

“Okay?”

“Do you trust me?”

“I—yes! Yes of course father.”

“Good. Because I need to show you something. Something I should have shown you a long time ago.” He stood, and walked to the painting of Emilie behind his desk.

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #adrinette #adrienette #identity reveal #lila rossi is exposed

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cinaed · 4 years

Text

Red vs Blue Season 3 Rewatch

Slowly making my way through my DVD collection of Red vs Blue!

"You can't die! I'm bored!" Donut is so ruthless in the earlier seasons and I love it.

We really needed more Tex and Sheila girltime, talking about gender inequality and workplace harassment.

Simmons actually calling himself Simmons 2.0 manages to be both hilarious and sad.

Yes, Sarge and Caboose team up! Season 3 has some of my favorite odd couples, and Sarge and Caboose is one of my favorites. Sarge being furious that Doc has a higher body count than he does, Caboose's dedication to nap time.

I love Caboose's moral boost! He's great at compliments even if Sarge doesn't appreciate them.

I know these zealots were like a mostly one-off joke, but also like...they could be a creepy potential experiment in making soldiers that can't die, which I wouldn't put past anyone in the Halo universe.

I love the blame game of who came up with the plan that ended up with everyone scattered across the galaxy. Sarge: "My only choice is to blame Grif, for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif." Grif: "I should have never listened to Donut's stupid fucking plan."

Church and Grif in jail is one of my all-time favorite things.

Simmons is such a tech savvy guy, reworking the teleporters to make them communication devices as well! He just wants some love and support.

Caboose getting angry. I mean, who wouldn't get angry at kittens with spikes that you couldn't cuddle?

"Simmons, you get an F in efficiency. But I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing."

I do love O'Malley and Doc's dynamic. The Do Not Call list!

I love Tex's half-truths about the Freelancers.

Also love Sarge calling Caboose a little rascal and Simmons just seething with jealousy. And he's also jealous about Donut!

Church: There's no "I" in team, Grif. Grif: Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the God damn team. The team sucks!

I may or may not quote that to myself on a weekly basis.

Again, just Church and Grif together in that prison cell is sheer perfection. As is Church going "Wait, the people outside sound like they're winning, that can't be our teams."

Tucker likes Sheila so much! And she packed them food! Well, the AI equivalent of food, but it's the thought that counts! Just the sheer affection in Tucker's voice as he promises her they'll be back gave me emotions.

And another good moment of Simmons being the one to suggest they track down Grif, because no one else was going to.

In retrospect, Grif has clearly watched some prison pornos. Like... Buddy.

Wyoming calling Tex Allison has so many interesting implications.

Simmons re-engineers stuff, Sarge makes a weather control device. Where's the AU where Sarge is a mad scientist.

Simmons asking Grif if he's okay after prison. Just loving the slow build of friendship between them.

Also big parallels of Church's "Misery loves company" and his willingness to let the bomb blow them all up together to later seasons stuff.

I still love that everyone's go-to explanation for stuff is "time travel."

Donut is too thin-skinned about criticism for his play. He'd never survive on Broadway, lol. But I love everything about the time travel show.

How is Tucker the smartest person in this group? But also Tucker being so worried about Church. I am having a lot of Tucker feelings this season.

I love Grif's devotion to cheesy disaster movies.

Caboose: Look what I found. Donut: I found it! Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding.

Poor Donut! A grenade to the head and now his hand got chopped up.

Grif: Hey, what're you doing? Simmons: What does it look like I'm doing, I'm getting in the jeep. Grif: What're we, on a date? Get in the back. Simmons: Oh you're so insecure.

I would've watched an entire season of Doc and O'Malley and Lopez's Lair Improvements. And when Doc mentions a real estate agent all I can think of is an AU where Doc meets Kai because she's running her business on the side while in the military. But also Doc's motivational powers in the living room, O'Malley's belief that the cat won't hang on until Friday, it's great.

The iconic jeep conversation is still good now as it was back then. Re-enacting Dukes of Hazzard! "I can tell you what we weren't doing."

Grif's mind immediately going to gay stuff as a favor from Tex. Between this and his prison conversation with Church, someone is protesting way too much.

Sarge's plans are so amazingly terrible. I love them.

Grif getting choked up over hating Blue Team and Tucker and missing the days where they all just stood around and talked a lot.

Tex sounding genuinely concerned when Tucker falls into the hall. Luckily he gets a cool sword out of it!

Tex's conversation with Simmons about shooting Lopez's head is a great example of an eloquent helmet look. Tex doesn't even say a word and you can feel the disbelief and rage when Simmons implies she may have missed.

Church: Caboose, I know you're there. I'm leaving this message from two thousand years in the past. Whatever you do, don't, touch, anything. Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse. You're going to destroy this building, and somehow bring about doom for their entire race. Caboose: Mmmmmmnooo... that doesn't sound like me. I like people. And buildings also.

Time for some actual time travel or at least a simulation. But I do love Butch Flowers, haha. Whose greatest enemy is apathy! Love watching Church just make his own life worse. Also love the bit about Sheila having been made in Mexico.

"Man... First I kill myself, then I realise I'm a honkin' dork. Not a very good day to be me."

Church: I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem- Caboose: They could be worse. Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching.

Grif and Simmons and Sarge talking about the Blues, and Simmons saying he's not looking for friends and doesn't like his current crop AKA he just accidentally admitted Grif is his friend. Grif just didn't realize it.

Between the warthog and monkeying about discussions, Church and Grif really are on the same wavelength.

I love the scheming versus plotting conversation.

Ugh, the arrival of Andy. I hate him so much.

Haha, Simmons lying about his math skills is great.

Uuuugh, Andy. :/ Freckles is SUCH a step up as Caboose's AI murder buddy.

"Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?"

I love Lopez's little rebellion-- he might be under O'Malley's control, but he's also going to sabotage O'Malley as much as possible. And tricking O'Malley into insulting himself in Spanish.

I really forgot that Tex straight up tried to steal Tucker's sword.

Military law is very clear in regard to the "not it" methodology for making decisions. Sorry, Donut.

I forgot that Donut can speak Spanish. In fairness, so did the show.

Hello, Crunchbite!

Next up, the PSAs!

Some of these have aged poorly... Like, uh, jokes about 2004 politics do not land well in 2020. And uh jokes about colds and flus. ...Okay, the Christmas PSA where Church destroys the Reds' Christmas tree, tells Caboose the truth about Santa Claus, gives everyone knock-off coal, convinces Church that Santa is now wearing blue and working only for the Blues, and scams Tucker out of a $350 gift is pretty funny though.

I enjoyed Burnie playing himself in the outtakes by putting words he can't pronounce in his own script. And Grif singing Happy Birthday to Church in prison. Also poor Geoff being told to adlib and immediately having Grif start to tell Church "You're looking buff, man, have you been working--" and being immediately booed by everyone, and someone says they'll use it for an outtake and Geoff is like "It's funny! And I didn't even get to finish!" And everyone trying to figure out Tucker's sword and him accidentally killing everyone in various outtakes. And in the deleted scenes Tex keeps making fun of O'Malley's plans to rule the universe, haha. Also the deleted scene that's just another Simmons' self-insert fanfiction, just as a video instead of a fake game in the Fan Guide.

It also gave us character profiles! I'm sure a lot of this has since been contradicted in canon, but interesting that we got specific hometowns for a few people: Donut in Leggatt Plains, Iowa, which doesn't seem to be a real place; Moscow, Iowa for Sarge, which actually does; Tucker's from Detroit, and Delta Commune for Doc. Oh, is this where we get Caboose grew up on the moon, with his hometown being labeled as Low G Colony, Moon? And hey, I always had him be a middle child, I like that this one did too. Tex likes money and scars and dislikes Donut. Okay I know that's definitely not real, but the idea of Allison growing up in an orphanage hurts me a little. Okay, and I know for sure that Simmons would die of happiness at the fact that Sarge's likes are battles, fringe science, and Simmons. Lopez likes oil and unions, and hates capitalism. My kind of guy. Last but not least, I actually really like Simmons as the son of a bunch of right-hand stooges (who probably wanted power for themselves).

#Red vs Blue #rvb rewatch #long post

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 5 years

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Why do you think the Animorphs fandom doesn't have as many AU stories as some of the other fandoms? I don't mean non-cannon stories, but those where the characters are taken from the Yeerk Invasion concept enitrely and dropped into another sandbox: coffeeshop AU, Hogwarts AU, etc. Even really common additions to the cannon world such as soulmate AUs seem to be less used with Animorphs. Any thoughts as to why?

Reason 1: The characters are 13.

Technically they grow up to ages 16 - 19 before dying horribly the series ends, but their problems and concerns are very much those of actual early adolescents. They don’t drive (not even cheat-driving with mopeds or helicars like in other teen superhero stories), they don’t go on real dates, they don’t have jobs, and they don’t use money except for occasional emergency purchases of shoes or tacos.

Obviously that doesn’t preclude the protagonists from suffering through romantic clichés, but it means that there’s less material to work with than in a series such as Harry Potter or Supernatural where the characters do have these kinds of classic adult concerns. It also means that (and fandalites are classy af so they tend to recognize this) there’s an inherent squick factor in hardcore romance, even in AUs where the characters have been aged to 18+.

Reason 2: There are no love triangles.

Probably the closest we get is Rachel realizing in #27 that she has romantic options other than Tobias… which leads to her realizing that Tobias has what she wants and needs in a romantic partner, whereas a civilian guy simply doesn’t. Other than that, we have the moment in #44 where Cassie realizes that she’s flirting with Yami… which sets up the realization that Cassie might be better off with someone who has more capacity than Jake to make her happy. No one cheats, no one fights rivals, and no one experiences much jealousy.

Characters dealing with their romantic feelings in mostly-healthy mostly-transparent ways, whether in or out of relationships, doesn’t leave much room for rom-com miscommunications and the like. Ergo, there’s no room for characters being forced to date or to confess their feelings by circumstance. Even Jake and Cassie’s unhealthy dynamic remains unhealthy for, like, a book and a half, before they have an amicable post-breakup goodbye in #53. Not much room for romantic angst. Speaking of which…

Reason 3: Do we really need MORE angst? REALLY?

This series is about six mostly well-adjusted kids having their entire lives destroyed by the horrors of war. If angst is your jam, there’s no need to add it by introducing backstory elements or hurt-comfort premises that we didn’t already see in canon. You can literally just grab that time Jake watched his cousin drag his internal organs off the ceiling (#16), that time Cassie killed an innocent prisoner of war on reflex (#19), that time Tobias was tortured into insanity (#33), those times Marco committed matricide (#15, #30, Visser) and you’re off to the races. A lot of fan fiction tropes are all about angst (Tony Stark’s dad never loved him, Stiles Stilinski wishes he was special, etc.) and where Animorphs is concerned, there’s really no need. On a similar note…

Reason 4: Adding ridiculous humor would be redundant.

This is a series where running gags include (but are not limited to): the hawk kid getting his talons stuck to cetaceans when he tries to acquire them, “These Messages” (e.g. commercials) and CinnaBon being the only artistic creations of humanity worth saving, the main villain of the series being a Cat Person, all the Animorphs debating whether it’s cannibalism to eat fried chicken in seagull morph, the resident alien being unsure whether vinegar and motor oil count as beverages, and the kids getting out of obligations with excuses that range from “I have to go buy a nicotine patch before I become a teen smoker” to “my cousin — and not the one you’re thinking — just got into a fistfight with a six-year-old over Raisinets.” Coffee shop humor, de-aging humor, and other whacky fan fic premises simply can’t top what we already have. Not only that, but a lot of the whackier fun AUs — animal transformation AU, gender mashup AU, evil twin AU — have already been done in canon.

Reason 5: The cast is already pretty tight.

By this I mean that the cast is tight in that there are few wasted or tangential characters, and that the cast is tight in that there are few intragroup conflicts. It’s not really possible to “break” the dynamic in ways that would feel organic (e.g. Civil War AU) without losing a ton of what makes the series itself. There are also relatively few minor characters that one can add to the original six’s dynamic in meaningful ways (although yours truly is guilty of trying), because they’re so isolated and codependent. Writing AUs in which the characters just meet for the first time during the fic is... possible, but IMHO would feel deeply weird.

It’s also a fairly fundamental aspect of what makes Animorphs unique that there are no mentors anywhere in the series. The kids get occasional information from Erek or the YPM, but they have NO ONE they can turn to if they want to ask for advice. ALL of their attempts to seek mentors end in said adults revealing themselves to be incompetent (Elfangor, Gonrod, Ithileran), morally bankrupt (Alloran, Arbat), unwilling to help because they have their own agendas (the Ellimist, Toby, Aldrea), or simply less experienced in relevant areas than the kids themselves are (Eva, Jara, Mr. Tidwell, Sam Doubleday). It is possible to add adult characters to the team through crossovers or other AUs — but to do so is to fundamentally alter the structure of the series.

Reason 6: The plot is already pretty tight.

Animorphs isn’t a perfect piece of coherent plotting, but it also doesn’t have any huge glaring plot holes. There’s nothing that the whole fandom agrees needs to be “fixed”: some people want Cassie to be wrong more often, some people would like direct queerness, some people dislike the tragic ending, some people think the late-middle sags, some people want more Tobias-narrated books, some people (*cough* me) want the series to be 55 books long so that Rachel gets to narrate one last story… None of these represents a majority opinion, the way that the “what have you done to our Jaime Lannister!?!?!?” outcry is currently dominating the Game of Thrones fandom to the tune of 800,000+ signatures on the world’s silliest Change.Org petition.

The events of the series follow pretty logically from one another, which means that there aren’t tons of divergences on a single theme, and also that it’s pretty easy to invent divergence points from canon itself. There are occasional modern AUs and college-age AUs, but a lot of the time they have to differ dramatically from the source work to pull off the effect.

Here’s where I acknowledge my bias: I dislike the majority of super-popular AU ideas. Some strike me as harmless romantic clichés (hatebanging AU, accidental dating AU) or wealthy-American-kid clichés (college AU, wedding AU). Some strike me as sacrificing character for plot (fake married AU, sword-and-sorcery AU) or not having much plot at all (wedding planner AU, elaborate-miscommunication AU). Some are downright problematic in their magical codification of power dynamics (omegaverse, sex pollen) or deeply concerning consent issues by definition (soul mates, coffee shop AU). Most of them are perfectly good story ideas, but most of them are not to my taste.

All of these AU ideas can be done well and have been done well, because every cliché becomes a cliché by being genuinely brilliant until overused. I mostly avoid these stories anyway because too many of them are plagued by setting rather than motivation forcing the characters to go from Point A to Point B or even forcing the characters to become romantically involved. So there is a distinct possibility that there are Animorphs stories out there that use these ultra-popular AUs, and I just haven’t encountered them.

#animorphs #animorphs fic #fandom #fan fiction #animorphs fandom #game of thrones spoilers #consent issues #fan lore #q word #there are probably more reasons i haven't thought of #if so hmu

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velvetinewitch · 4 years

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wips list

this functions as a key to all of my wips, including ones i don’t actively write but still work on occasionally. in case you didn’t know, all of my wips include: poc, LGBT+ characters, disabled and non-neurotypical characters, found families, usually fantasy elements because i love magic, and often a little romance (which is usually accompanied by found families or tragedy, but for my romance-repulsed friends, there are still stories with no romance!)

key: *: heavily connected stories >: stories taking place after the events of Faye and Fate (a very distant future)

Closest to Complete (in order... ish)

Painted Cards: a group of teenagers end up criminals after a magical goddess chooses them for greatness. instead of embarking on some epic adventure, they decide to save the world another way: through kindness and coffee. a story about a found family made up of unintentional criminals with trauma that they’ll learn to cope with. mostly written for myself, but also written for the people in my life who needed to see characters like them have a happy ending. a very hopeful, fantasy slice-of-life story.

*Faye and Fate: almost everything i write is exposition or a result of this 5 book series. Aralion Faye resets the timeline so often it all just blurs together. with each new on she creates, she watches the ones she loves die over and over again, as if it’s all a video game culminating up to that game over screen. things always start out so innocently, too; her memories never return until later, so for a while, she enjoys attending a magic school, falling in love, playing pranks, befriending her peers. by the end of the year, the world comes back to remind her that her happy ending is unachievable. between traitors, corruption, fires, and cliffs... this time has to be different. this time she’ll save everyone she loves. is overall a story about heroes of all types. love this series so much abhddvk. magic is based on skills/interests: art, writing, engineering, astronomy, directing, zoology, architecture, makeup art, etc

*Mortals Versus Morals: (this isn’t actually the title but it makes me laugh so it’s being used as the placeholder) Glen is 17, rich, sheltered, and possibly the most lawful good person ever. plot twist- there’s a prophecy predicting his (as well as 6 others’) involvement in the end of the world, and they aren’t on the good side. Glen struggles to balance saving the world from villains while trying not to become a villain himself. includes: road trips and bonding, scenes like the one where the aro-ace friend gets seduced by a nine-tailed fox who runs a Burger King, everyone educating Glen on cultures and respecting pronouns :) as well as the occasional choking angst that comes with a bunch of almost adults getting dragged into the business of gods. did i mention there are gods? there are gods. i do kill a love interest of a protag but then give them TWO romantic partners because i’m not a coward (i feel like the characters who lose a love interest end up in a poly relationship most often in my stories... as a sort of apology to them lmao). also Utah? basically stops existing at some point. magic is based off a deity someone worships, with worship comes borrowed magic. the characters themselves are basically just omnists?

Beneath Our Skin: Sam and Ana don’t know each other. it’s by chance that they’re separated from their class during a field trip, and end of wandering straight into a portal to another world, one with magic. while searching for a way home, they accidentally make their own- in the meantime, they’re gonna find a magician who can give Sam a shapeshifting spell because Sam would really like to transition, even if it’s through magical means, please. written for me and my fake-brother, so lots of being platonically domestic and also sarcastic... this is in a really poetic writing style too.

House of Crabs: this is not the name it just makes me giggle so placeholder time! contemporary, no romance or fantasy or anything (although like one crime is committed but life is life that). here’s the old summary: Siera lives in the mansion of thirty year old Janelle, a woman who has the tendency to take in stray children, granting them shelter despite their tragic backstories or strange personalities. When one of the outcasts, Roy, is confronted by his biological brother, Roy is absolutely horrified by the concept of being dragged back to his transphobic family. The outcasts are dead set on protecting him, even if it requires breaking laws. But Roy's brother doesn't seem that content on harming Roy or bringing him home against his will. Instead, the boy seems more interested in coming out of the closet, hoping that his little brother and his new family can help him learn how to be his true flamboyant self.

>Obligatory Superhero Stories (3 stories): ----Lei is supposedly a civilian, until she arrests the man who ruined her life and accidentally ends up adopting his daughter, Hera. Hera coerces her into adopting her classmate Jason. the two get kidnapped. Lei gets annoyed by how useless she is in saving them, and becomes the first non-mutant superhero. in the meanwhile, the US Secretary of Powers, Victoria, is forced to monitor her progress for a court case deciding whether this is legal, and accidentally falls in love. Hera fucks with journalists and enjoys being politically smarter, Jason attempts to create a ground-breaking technology and blows up hundreds of phones, and Victoria never sleeps. literally. her superpower is just,,, no sleeping. ----Vessa becomes a superhero by accident. it involves art galleries, snow, and unlicensed doctors. now, she operates under an alias, the hero Froze (very creative, yes), alongside her trusted sidekicks. unbeknownst to Vessa, she has a history with the villain she’s fighting, and their teams may be more entangled outside of their aliases than first believed. basically, an enemies to family (and some lovers) story, involving a lot of morally grey shenanigans thanks to a corrupt society. ----there’s a villain on the lose, know as Heart-twist, with the ability to take someone’s darker emotions and intensify them. in reality, Sora is just a teenage girl, with four dear and near friends. it’s been a year since her sister’s boyfriend, a hero, prioritized glorious battle over rescue, and her sister died alone and afraid. Sora is just waiting to make him fall in love with her, so she can repay the favor.

>Paint Me a Picture: dystopian future! roughly 78% of the population is monochromatic, and can only see in shades of grey. it seems petty in plain sight, but jealousy has left the other 22% segregated, separated by a boundary and sinking in poverty. Pristaline is apart of the majority, privileged without even realizing it- her biggest concern is making herself a future in law. a car accident leaves her in a recover home near the boundary, where she accidentally meets Jackson, a color-seeing boy, who calls her eyes ‘blue.’ the encounter sparks a revolution. this is a sadder story- it ends with a girl, watercolor swatches, and a grave.

*Run From Wolves: Elayna is unfortunate enough to be a magic-born in the one kingdom that still prosecutes female magic-borns (to which she says, fuck their religion for saying women shouldn’t have magic). when she and her half-brother Shage are discovered, instead of being executed, Elayna is offered a position beside her brother in the kingdoms prestigious Goddess Guard. the offer comes with a price: they must swear allegiance to the king, and can do him no harm. luckily, a pretty spy from a neighboring kingdom offers Elayna a loophole. includes spirit animals, political intrigue, lesbians, murdering an asshole king, and a secret mystery involving immortality and wolves.

*Twin Kingdoms: there’s an island floating in the sky- two, now, split in half down the center. Melony and Serena have known about the conflict between their kingdoms, but they never really realized it’s intensity until Melony’s older brother close friend betrayed her and seized the throne for himself, pitting her kingdom against Serena’s and searching for war. Melony and Serena are able to escape together, living in disguise and biding their time before they can retake what belongs to them. has a really fun character who’s a villain (she’s the traitor brother’s little sister), gets stuck with an injury, is healed by a girl in an enemy village, and struggles to reaffirm her beliefs while vaguely falling in love. sighhhhhh i miss this series

*Where Shadows Bloom: written during the time of my life where i loved badass assassins becoming queens or princess... despite the trope being looked down upon, i hold this dear to my heart. basically, there’s a period of turmoil throughout the entire planet. on one end of the world, the queen is assassinated by a girl aiming to use her throne to destroy her noble parents, an underground group seeks to end slavery through magical battles and underhanded deals, and an orphan boy is made king. on the other side of the world, a second world war rages, pitting the Gold Alliance (good guys) against the Silver Alliance (bad guys). a princess goes undercover, venturing into a captured kingdom to spy on opposing forces. she’s taken in by an engineer/pilot who helps her stay in disguise as she uncovers the nefarious plot that involves the prosecution of an entire people. it all ties in together.

*Fateless: i really can’t get enough of magic and princesses, huh. ever wonder what Arthurian mythology would be like if it was in my world? Raine’s family has known tragedy after tragedy, from the death of her uncle, then aunt, her brother, and finally, her parents. fate has left her alive to inherit their throne when she comes of age. still, even she is cursed, wearing a ring that burns her with the pain of her people. she doesn’t wince anymore, not even when she watches another witch burn at the stake, and feels the flames crawl up her body, phantom but so, so real. when her kingdom falls, Raine and her most trusted knights are forced to flee into the woods. there, they find a tavern alongside a their road, run by a mysterious woman named Lancelin. there’s something familiar about the woman, something from Raine’s past, and something strange about the way that each of her customers leaves with healed minds and bodies. secretly-enemies to secretly-lovers! as common with me...

#my wips #navigation #long post #faf #faye and fate #painted cards

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mugen-monogatari · 5 years

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Personas - Tsubasa Hanekawa; The Stray Cat

So me and my Girlfriend have been watching Monogatari recently, and we just finished Nekomonogatari White. After, I decided to write some thoughts on Hanekawa Tsubasa, arguably one of the main characters of the series.

This is all my interpretation and not fact, you can argue with me if you disagree, this is just how I see it. Note, since we haven’t finished the series, but her character arc is in a nice place, I may revisit this if things change down the line.

Caution when reading ahead, there are spoilers up to Nekomonogatari White, or the first 5/6 episodes of Bakemonogatari season 2 and anything before that.

Let’s begin by saying; Hanekawa is anything but innocent. That’s just how she outwardly appears, from the things she says, to the way she acts, it’s even reflected in her modest clothes and hairstyle. That’s because that Hanekawa- Lets call her ‘Normal Hanekawa‘- Is a fake.

We’re constantly reminded through not just this arc, but the other seasons too, that your persona, no matter how hard you try, will never be you. From Araragi’s sisters, to even how Araragi tricked himself into believing he was in love with Hanekawa. ‘Normal Hanekawa’ is fake, it’s a persona she has created. She does everything perfectly, she says all the right things, always calm and composed. She feels plastic and fake. She’s unrealistic and unlikable, and we’re shown that throughout the series.

Think back to the scene where her father hit her, But Oshino goes out of his way to explain; sure he seems like the bad guy, but someone like her is so unbearable to be around, he was surprised it took so long. Even Araragi, after realizing that the perfect persona of Hanekawa was nothing more than a persona, falls out of love with her and realizes he was in love with an idea and not the person them-self. Hence why he says he only felt Lust, her body being the only genuine thing about her.

Hanekawa acknowledges this, she knows she’s fake. She reminds people that she’s not perfect, she just knows what she knows. She tell Koyomi and ‘Black Hanekawa‘ that she’s selfish and egotistical. She may seem like she’s too good to be true, and she is. In fact, I think it’s more apt to say ‘Black Hanekawa’, the cat is more likely to be the “real” Hanekawa. This is the imperfect side of her, the ironically human side. Sure it’s exaggerated, with the cat attacking indiscriminately, but this is just a potential metaphor for real life. The cat is just a more exaggerated form of what a normal person is; she lashes out at the people who hurt her, her family, she attacks anything and anyone physically, draining them of their energy. This is similar to real life. When you’re stressed, you lash out physically at anything that hurts you (or verbally in most cases), or at the people around you, which in turn brings their mood down (I guess you could say Drains their energy???), or passes your stress onto them. In a way it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. The cat does things against ‘Normal Hanekawa’s’. So in a way it’s a big metaphor for how unreasonable people act.

But later on, you find out the Cat has its own sense of morals. It has its own desires and ideals, alongside it’s own cares. This is something ‘Normal Hanekawa’ didn’t have. She was fake, never being what she wanted to be, only following what society saw as “righteous” and “perfect”. ‘Black Hanekawa’ is the opposite of this, the side of her with its own ideas of right or wrong. It sticks to it’s own fundamental principles, while still acknowledging what is right and wrong, while still being driven by her own emotion.

The tiger is the opposite of this. The History Tiger is the selfish desire and self-satisfaction that Hanekawa seeks. It attacks indiscriminately, and has no concept of morals, no idea of what is right and wrong, acting purely on emotion.

I think it comes down to none of them are individually her, and yet they all are. ‘Hanekawa Normal’ just does what is right. She never does wrong, and pretends, just to ensure the world around her deems her acceptable. This is the fake persona we all have. The person we act like and aspire to be, even if it’s unrealistic. Someone we pretend to be, so that those around us accept us or look at us in the desirable way.

The Tiger is the polar opposite to this. ‘History Tiger’ represent our innate monster and selfishness. It represents all our negative thoughts, as well as anything we desire or wish for. It doesn’t care for right and wrong, only acting on the emotion of ‘Hanekawa Whole’ (That’s how I’ll refer to all of them). If it’s jealous, it’ll act upon it. If it’s angry it’ll hurt people. If it’s envious, it’ll take what it wants or drag people down to their level. The tiger is symbolic of all the messed up thoughts and all those negative things we think about ourselves and others. “Why me? Why no one else? What did they do that I didn’t?” Except a normal person has moral limits on those thoughts. Even if we want to hurt someone out of jealousy, we don’t because we know we’re morally wrong. But the tiger is this idea with the moral limits removed. Just the raw and unrefined emotion.

Then the middle ground is ‘Black Hanekawa’. It acts on emotion, attacking people to relieve stress, doing whatever it wants, and yet, it still has some moral limiters. It doesn’t kill, just injure, it acts on it’s own desires but listens to ‘Normal Hanekawa’. It doesn’t act entirely on Emotion, but factors in Logic too, knowing that for example, attacking Koyomi would be bad, because even though he stresses her out, she still loves him. The same with Hitagi. The tiger chases after Hitagi’s home, since Hanekawa is jealous of her. Not just because of the family, but because of Koyomi too and how he loves her. And yet, ‘Black Hanekawa’ never even once sought to attack Hitagi, since it still knew that it would accomplish nothing and just hurt both her master and someone else, which is wrong. This is also really shown well when she later confirms she has an understanding of family and the emotions that come with it. She tells the tiger, she doesn’t think anything of the tiger burning down stuff, despite it hurting Hanekawa, but that she’ll stop him because she considers Hanekawa family, and there’s the fundamental Idea that you should love and help family. The opposite is true for the tiger, which constantly claims it cares not for the girl, ‘their sister’, as it has no concept of what is right and wrong or family.

Ultimately, ‘Normal Hanekawa’ isn’t representative of innocence and good, it’s logic. The cold harsh truth of humanity. Only following rules, following the fundamental rules of life, but never truly living your own, out of the fear of being seen in a negative way by the world. It’s a fake she creates. A persona.

‘History Tiger’ is the opposite. It’s the part of her that is selfish and full of desires, wanting only to take care of herself. It hurts people indiscriminately, and cares for nothing but it’s own satisfaction.

While ‘Black Hanekawa’ is the middle ground. The most human of the two and the binding link. It acts on it’s own emotions, but only to an extent, still factoring in good and bad. It has morals and doesn’t stray too far, only doing so when emotions take hold, i.e. the stress that causes her to attack.

And all together, neither one is ‘Hanekawa Whole’, but rather all three make Hanekawa literally whole. That’s why at the end she has to combine them. But she cries because she doesn’t want to change. She comes to terms with the fact that there is nothing wrong with a persona, but it isn’t who you are. You will never be perfect, you will never be the objective idea of righteous. But you can still try and strive for that, to come as close as possible. But you must understand that you also have to be human. You need human emotions too, you must realize your own desires and acknowledge your own selfishness in order to grow. You can’t live life based purely on what people tell you is right, but you can’t decide entirely for yourself. You need to find the balance between the two (’Black Hanekawa’) and factor both in. Then and only then can you be genuinely human, when you accept that you can be driven by both emotion and reason, something Hanekawa could not do before, rejecting all personal goals and emotion, while not ever truly wanting to be driven by reason. Which is why the rebellion (’Black Hanekawa’) was born, to be the intermediary between the two.

And that’s why the final scene was so touching. She realizes she won’t ever be this perfect persona, and she also acknowledges she has her own messed up desires and greedy thoughts. That’s why she begs Araragi to still support her despite changing. She knows she’ll make mistakes, whether it be by neglecting reason, or following emotion, and yet, that’s what it means to be human. And that’s why she finally confesses to him. She knows it’s selfish and she won’t get what she wants, but it’s her finally admitting to having desires of her own.

And I think the final scene where her hair is the multi colors, shows the unification of this. But she also mentions that they’re like a “tiger’s stripes.” So just like a tiger, she’s finally proud of who she is.

Hanekawa’s story is an interesting one so far. A girl who discarded the parts of humanity she feared, and in turn became something that wasn’t quite human- A monster of her own making. Ironic.

But that’s just my interpretation, what does everyone else think?

#monogatari #tsubasa hanekawa #hanekawa #araragi koyomi #nekomonogatari #theory #analysis #discussion #senjougahara hitagi #anime #light novel

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ruwithmeguys · 5 years

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A continuation of THIS and THIS because I’m freaking WEIRD OKAY?

here goes

The next few months are torture. Delicious torture: he never wants it to end, to fade away into nothing. Every day: they flirt. Talk. Eat. Work. live. Breathe. He smiles. She beams back-

He wants to know what those lips feel like.

He’s in love and it’s getting harder every day to pretend that he isn’t, that it really was a lie. Self-doubt is a friend as close as self-hate, so it takes a while to say, to ask her to step forward with him-

Her YES to him is flattering swift.

And it’s perfect: the date, the way she looks, the way he feels, the KNOWING.

It’s RIGHT. It’s right in a way it never has been and never will be again. This is it.

And it can be taken away from him-

HE CAN’T BREATHE.

You don’t live through something like the death of Felicity Smoak. He can’t even fathom it.

It’s not about thinking the mission comes first, because what is his mission without her? It’s not really about choosing the hood over her. It’s another lie. Being with him will put her in danger, it’s that simple. And he’s not ready to cast the hood aside because what is he without it?

More of the same. A failure.

And she doesn’t wait; it tears at him but really, it’s another turn on. Another torture. She’s not a woman to be led by a man and it’s infinitely arousing and simultaneously painful seeing her succeed at Palmer tech, seeing her date another. He wanted her beside him.

It’s like being cut in two.

But they can’t be together.

So, they stop. HE stops: they stop talking, sharing, LOVING. And jealousy becomes a familiar beast.

Yet he keeps watching her, waiting, listening for that moment when she-

BUT HE DID THIS.

He did but he never imagined it would be so-

And God she’s so- he loves her. loves her. LOVES her.

They had one date. ONE. One kiss. It feels like so much more.

He sees her when he dies after all. Didn’t expect to, but the answer is there.

And Ra’s, he’s a dark shadow echoing thoughts he knows like his own. His words take effect, stink of the truth: the life he’s chosen only ends one way, condemning himself to a life alone. Loving a woman who will never return his love, who he can never have.

But the jealousy keeps coming out, he keeps reaching out-

-because all he can see is the dark without her. His light isn’t there, he’s pushed her away. It makes him questions who he is, his choices: what has he accomplished?

Without her, he unravels.

HE WILL ALWAYS UNRAVEL WITHOUT HER.

Somehow, her being with another makes Oliver see… before, he always got to be with her, without being with her. But he can’t even have that.

She’s pure light: surely he’ll taint her. Corrupt her. Damage her. He’s a blunt instrument but she softened his edges.

She drew a man instead of a machine.

He didn’t realise just how deeply entrenched she became to his state of mind. Subconsciously he did know and maybe that’s why, after months, he finally shares with her.

He doesn’t expect her answer – but by now he’s no longer surprised that she can keep surprising him. Can get him to focus. She reminds him of everything he said he couldn’t have and he REMEMBERS- remembers why he’s doing what he’s doing. Honestly, her face alone pushes away Ra’s voice, Roy’s guilt, LL’s constant fury - what’s she angry at this time - Lance’s hate, Thea’s disillusionment… everyone he’s lost.

She makes it bearable.

But a life without her is unfathomable-

And he would die for his sister who never deserved to be touched by his darker world. He sells himself to Ra’s… the last thing he expects is love from the woman he loves in a way he never thought possible. She loves him…

She loves him.

LOVES HIM.

Loves me.

That’s enough. it’s enough. To be loved by her: he can die now and take all the bad with him-

the plan fails… he has to go to her for help. Again. Because she’s HOME.

She should hate him. Everyone else does.

But it’s like she didn’t care that he lied, she cared about him almost dying. She cared about him choosing death over life-

Over being with her.

This is unlike anything he’s ever known. What use does he have of his hood, when he has her? She has saved him in every way possible. The choice is suddenly easy: cast off the hood. Set it aside. Be himself. His own Oliver Queen. The Oliver he is with her…

(Now since this is so FREAKING long, I’ll shorten the next bit… sort of)

Being the Oliver she brings out in him is all fine and well, except, he’s ignoring the dark. The things he set aside… he’s keeping them secret, hoping they dissolve in the light she brings out of him.

They learned how to be a team night and day. They live together, love together, hope together… it’s everything he wants and thought he could ever have. How is this happy? He doesn’t question it: he simple revels and hopes she never realises she could do so much better than him.

He wants to marry her more than anything else. Being in a wheelchair doesn’t change that for him. It doesn’t matter that, to the world, Oliver was a playboy. Felicity’s mind is at the core of why he loves her alongside her heart and soul.

She’s IT.

-until he destroys it because there are some things he simply CANNOT face. Being so in love he’s willing to ignore the bad is all fine and well, but what is love when trust is an issue?

It isn’t that he doesn’t trust her. It’s that he doesn’t know how to trust what’s inside himself. He’s so much more broken than he pretended with her. They grew a life on a lie, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

So, he waits. What they have, what they feel is so beautiful, so powerful… she’ll come back, right?

When she kisses him after months… he’s never been so scared. So happy. They make love in the bunker and it’s like peace after a lifetime of war. It all makes sense again. But like a doe, she pulls back and he doesn’t know how to give her what she needs, so he waits some more. He’ll live off her scraps…

Except Felicity Smoak will NEVER settle for second best. She’ll never make Oliver wait like that, never condemn them both to a lifetime of scraps.

They both lock it down behind suits of armour.

When he finds out she’s dating, quiet acceptance is his only option after losing ALL credibility with her.

he’s not good enough… he never was.

LL’s death proved it: he’s a blunt tool who has to kill to survive

he lies, even to the woman he loves to the very core of him but won’t let see the ugliness there

Felicity doesn’t deserve that

Hope it seems, really is a slow death.

But it’s too much seeing her date another, seeing her move on. He can step aside for her. But he can’t watch like that. So, he accepts the first date thrown at him by a woman he knows wants to defame him… and maybe he deserves that kind of relationship. He isn’t good enough for Felicity but maybe if he can convince others that this morally corrupt reporter has goodness in her, then maybe he isn’t so bad either… and he’s repeating the mistakes of the past again. Shielding.

But he isn’t worth better. He can’t have better. He can’t have Felicity. He can’t raise his son. He can’t earn the respect of the city. He can only have this.

But it’s like swimming in a fog; he says he’s moving forwards, but HE cost himself Felicity. He lost his best friend, mother, first girlfriend-

He HURT the woman he loves.

What if he could go back? What if he hasn’t been selfish, hadn’t had an affair with Sara, hadn’t gone onto the Gambit, hadn’t been the way he’d been…

Then he wouldn’t… have destroyed… Felicity’s faith and trust in him.

But that dream comes to an end when he realises that there really truly is no going back, because he could never let go of what matters.

He’d never forget Felicity. He never can make up for what he did, he never CAN go back. He knows better now.

So, he accepts and tries to move forwards-

He kills Billy… there’s zero chance now of her ever coming back to him. Accept it. Breathe it in. You’ll never, ever be THAT happy again. You get to have ‘mediocre’.

It’s easy to move after that. Mediocre fits him.

And every time he’s reminded that his darkness HAS changed Felicity, has infected others, he dives into his mayoral work. He can be better. Every time the fear strangles him, he pretends he’s fine - that he can lead by an example he doesn’t know how to prove - though he has to be reminded to have sex with a woman he can’t even label his girlfriend, who he rarely sees unless he needs to pretend again that he’s FINE.

He doesn’t want a girlfriend or sex without heart: he wants the reminder that hope is not lost, even though it is. So, the fear makes him push forwards. He wants to forget that he once had it all but lost-

It because he’s destined to die alone. Monsters don’t deserve love. He’s going to die alone.

· Monsters don’t get married.

· They don’t have children

· they don’t become heroes

· they don’t get to live without penance

· They don’t achieve the love of Felicity Smoak

Adrian. He knows that and it makes him see the real: all the pretending ends now. Felicity, Diggle, they’re all in this to feed his disease. He likes to kill people. And a person that likes to do the things he does? They don’t get to be the mayor or have even fake relationships. They don’t have friends. They don’t earn monikers.

People like him are to be put down. All he’s ever done is destroy lives.

He destroyed the life he could have had with the woman of his dreams.

She’d never love him again if she knew the truth. Would never smile at him, never say she believes ever again, never… never love him.

It’s why he couldn’t share it with her. The secret. The one that made her think he doesn’t trust her, when she’s the one he trusts the most in this world. It was why seeing her drift away – why stepping away himself - was the better alternative to losing her favour completely.

He’s a shell.

It’s a simple thing to disband the team; it helps him handle the shame, helps him breathe. No one has to know. He can break away from snoozan because the jig is up. There’s no more pretending. He’s losing everything again and it’s the way it’s supposed to be…

But he underestimated his girl- I’m a fool.

Being so close to her again, alone… it makes him talk, it’s dangerous. He tells her everything, because he might die and she DESERVES TO KNOW. Out of everyone, SHE deserves the truth. She deserves to know why he broke them, why he stayed away-

(it’s not simply that he has no credibility with her; everything bad happening is because of him and refuses to let that touch her still)

-why he allowed them both to be miserable for a YEAR.

But… god she’s astonishing. And everything good in his life: she just wanted inclusion. She wanted to be let in. His confession means next to nothing to her and she decodes the words for what they are easily… it’s the kind of forgiveness he’s never been given:

· Not by LL

· Not by Quentin

· Not by his parents

· Not by Shado or Slade

· Not by Sara

None of them

It’s the kind that always scared him, the kind he thought would never be given. And it’s right there for the taking.

Suddenly… he makes sense again.

Oh, he’s missed her. He’s MISSED her. The word doesn’t cut it. There isn’t one.

They’re holding hands, he can smell her, she’s staring him in the eye, her heart is shielding him from the demons in his head… and he’s giving back. It feels good being able to GIVE BACK. He never could before.

How did he go so long without this?

Everything this year - Adrian, laurel’s death, Thea’s pain, snoozan, the miserable realisation that he wasn’t good - it’s all gone again. That’s what she does. She’s brings him happiness, makes sense of the world, brings peace and warmth and unconditional affection, and he wanted to give that back to her so much-

Is he worthy?

He wasn’t before… but she’s making sense (she always did) and maybe he’s looking at it wrong. Maybe he’d been looking at it wrong for a while.

He didn’t kill his father. He was just a man trying to survive horrors.

He’s been waiting to marry her for 14 months: a little time for introspection isn’t too much to allow himself here… but it’s DIFFICULT.

I knew deep down… she’d heal me if I spoke to her. He hadn’t been ready to face himself. I went the long way around. How can you forgive that? The way I made you wait for the truth? How can you shine that light on me, how can you even see the speck that’s my own?

How can you love me? Because she did, he could see it and-

don’t stop loving me. After feeling it again, the idea of losing it one more time feels unbearable. But it’s healing. It’s release. It’s the only good and true thing in the world and it finally hits him that she is all he EVER needed.

Would EVER need to make it through.

Some people can’t make it through life alone. He’s one of those people. Only the strong survive life. She’s the strongest person I know.

Life.

It’s them, that word. Together they are life. Him and her. Us. It’ll happen now, he knows it will.

…She just wanted to be included. How dare he not see that. How dare he not give it to her. That’s fine.

He’ll sort it out. HE CAN TOUCH HER NOW. He‘s complete again. He can stare at her without guilt, can love her up close instead of in secret and-

I’m smiling again. Sleeping. Eating. Breathing. Living.

Wearing the hood.

Wanting. I want her. I want to go to bed with her, wake up with her, make love to her all the days of my life…

It comes out on his birthday - he hasn’t celebrated it in 9 years, but she asks him to dinner-

Is she… asking me out on a date? An actually date- is it a date-date?

And he’s nervous again, like the first time. He’s only ever truly felt ALIVE with her. So when he finds that she set up a birthday bash, he can’t stop looking at her with the love he feels. It’s too much to lock up tight the way he’d done the past year. She’s all he wants to look at and they can all see it-

I don’t care. It’s sex and love and trust and happiness rolled up into one and he just wants to be alone with her. It’s forever and eternity and them-

But they haven’t talked, and it needs to come first: they deserve that, they’ve earned that. And it’s perfect… almost. Slow ISN’T what he wants to hear but after what he’s put her through, he can give it to her. He’ll take anything she’s willing to give.

He doesn’t want a repeat of history: he wants REAL.

And after Lian Yu erupts, slow takes on a whole new meaning. It has to: his son is important too. Just when he was supposed to put her first, he can’t-

-but she GETS it.

He’ll never understand how he deserves her. Never.

Doesn’t question it. She shows him all the understanding in the word because she’s a very understanding person: the respect he has for her is beyond what he has for everyone else and it’s not a pedestal. He’s never had her on one. She simply is.

…But couldn’t she just show a little disgruntlement? Honestly, he really wants her to corner him. to rip off his clothes. To demand his attention. But she doesn’t, won’t: instead she offers consideration.

He wants to start already, wants her IN his life but he needs his son to agree… it’s not underhanded to ask for her help. To bring his son into his reasoning as a means to pull her deeper-

Quicker.

She comes willingly and the hesitation of her face, the cautious hope – like she’s waiting for him to say he isn’t sure about sharing his life with her now that he has a son tears him to pieces. That’s why she’s been holding back. He hasn’t SAID that the thing he wants the most is for her to live with him and be a surrogate mother to William. He’ll love her, I know he will. How could he not? How could anybody be her enemy?

But her reaction tells him she’s been WAITING. He made her wait. Again.

So he asks her out on a date and it feels so relllllllaxing. So THEM. He doesn’t have to pretend ANYTHING and neither does she. They’re more themselves there than they’ve ever been with anyone, anywhere before in their lives. He’s waited for this. For them to be a them without interruptions-

But he isn’t part of the team and that’s okay. It’s okay that part of him keeps leaving with her, that he feels he should be in the suit, but his son needs him-

Except when she’s in sight of a hair trigger. That’s when rules change. He wants her as far away from danger as possible, but that’s the thing about inclusion: you’re either both in it together or there’s something not right.

And they are in it together.

So, their next date feels like sexual tension x10 because they’re FINALLY where they’re supposed to be. Those weeks in November, they’re his favourite weeks. He’s happy. He has a family. He’s making a difference.

He’s so far from the lonely boy he used to be. So far from the man who didn’t fit; he does now. He fits with her. She’s the other half of him. And he’s his best self not that she’s with him.

It’s all for her: the reason why he was shipwrecked, why all the AWFUL happened… it was for him to meet and be with the love of his life-

She… doesn’t want to marry me. If she loved him the way he loved her, wouldn’t it be the logical next step?

But of course, he’s still a fool. It isn’t about that at all. Marriage, a piece of paper, it means nothing. Just that they’re together, that’s what matters, and it takes Nazi’s – takes seeing her alternate self being the only person unchanged in whichever universe, so alone and willing to die for children – for him to see the truth about love. His love. True Love.

Everything he’s become now has been fuelled by HER love for HIM. He could have become a monster, if he hadn’t met her because he can admit now that is isn’t one… he just could have been. He’s in everything she says and does and she’s inside of him.

The worst could have happened with her thinking that he thought she didn’t love him like he loved her. It doesn’t fucking matter. She’s with him, safe. SHE’S what matters.

He should have said it a long time ago, before Slade. Before the year where he pretended, he didn’t. He’s just so happy to be alive WITH her because without her he’s dead (which is why S8 sounds so bloody bad for him).

She drew out the man beneath the hood.

And because it’s her, she stuns him. She DOES want to marry him… and it’s because she’s so afraid of living without him that she hesitated and-

Oh baby, no I’ll never leave you (not emotionally, anyway; idiot man)- but he’s fast to the YES- YES PLEASE, RIGHT NOW. MARRY MEEEEEEEEE.

And it’s imperfect, it’s sudden, it’s THEM.

Maybe, just maybe… HE’S her treasure too. He’s her missing piece from deep inside. The thought leaves him giddy.

It’s the right time. The dream came true-

The dream is marred by the team split. There’s been issues building tall for a long while. He never thought he’d be betrayed- and he understands. Rene has a child… but so do I. Why does he have to be the one to receive the bad, the bad, the bad-

But she’s with him throughout.

When he realises he IS the Green Arrow, not Dig, she’s there with guidance. When William is brought in, she’s there with her words and wisdom. When John turns against them too, she’s there with her love…

But why is he STILL losing?

No- he’s NOT the man he used to be; she brings hm through (6.18). So that isn’t the reason. Then… what? He’s done EVERYTHING THEY WANTED:

· JOHN

· LAUREL

· THEA AND MOM AND DAD

· DINAH

· RENE

· CURTIS

· WILLIAM

He’s done EVERYTHING- why is it STILL NOT ENOUGH?!! Did he do too much, cause too much trouble in the beginning? When he first started? Is this punishment for then?

Maybe… he hasn’t sacrificed himself yet. To keep her safe, to keep William safe… he would. But he doesn’t tell her because one word from Felicity would be all it takes to step out of it. But if he does, how will they survive?

And he does go to prison… it’s the worst decision of his life.

For months he holds onto dreams and memories and it’s HELL in there. His only hope – and she taught him how to hope – is the possibility that, with good behaviour, he’ll be out in ten to twenty years.

But then he realises the HUGE hole and- but I just wanted you safe-

But she isn’t safe. They came for her and he wasn’t there.

The gloves are off.

He’s had enough of being GOOD in hell-

Plus, he has a new memory: one of beautiful pink hair, eyes that screamed love at him, blood on her face that made him want to punch through the glass to her but didn’t because he couldn’t move for shaking.

Their time apart changes them. Of course it does. He’s afraid to touch, to reach out, to speak: there’s a block on him and he knows it’s PTSD, he’s been down this road before and she’s right there to bring him through it. But they have to re-learn and for a moment he’s afraid. He’s afraid she’s left him behind.

But he was too harsh over the gun she kept, he knows that – he just loves her and-

Doesn’t she know, she IS him? They’re one soul combined.

Words were all that was ever needed between them. A look, a shared glance was their language but sometimes it wasn’t enough:

· the word love was never enough to describe them

· No matter how they change, their love won’t

· They’re forever, no matter if they’re apart or if they change

· No matter if the world, if Barry, if Kara, and John see darkness in him, THAT will never change.

· They’re ONE person

The ice breaks.

(and to all those bothered by the lack of intimate scenes that they wanted, I did receive a little update on that: apparently there WERE some very nice and juicy moments – kissing, touching, sex – that were scrapped by Beth because she was competing for the big ‘boys’ show and didn’t want to make Felicity look like she was weak… RIDICULOUS. She understated the intimacy in their marriage because she’d been promoted. GREAT.)

They’re a team again… and it’s strange how much he DOESN’T need anyone else. She’s there to protect him from the world in all the ways he needs and when they’re alone he finds he doesn’t need- doesn’t WANT the others there…

Not even John, despite how much he might miss their friendship.

If they were all to leave, he’d been fine because of Felicity.

But nightmares come home to roost again, and he remembers: he’s come from a legacy of darkness. Darkness his family never even attempted to heal. He’s glad Thea’s far away. He’s being blamed again and it’s almost too much, but this CAN’T be his family’s legacy. He can’t come from MORE cruelty, more proof that he didn’t know his parents-

It’s why he made the deal with the Monitor. So that, one day, he can truly make the world a safer place. Barry’s better than he ever was (GRRR). So he can-

SHE’S PREGNANT.

He doesn’t tell her he’s wanted her to have his children since their very first date, since Slade, since his mother’s trial.

And it’s something good… something that sustains him. A goal: to fix the mistakes of the past and create a future his child can run free in. And it’s all he can think of: Felicity with a growing belly, a daughter or son running through flowers or towards the ocean as he and Felicity watch. That’s what he wants. To watch his child grow. To live in that perfect place with the woman that is his soul.

And they do save the city but he still chooses to leave with Felicity: it hurts. It’s like grief, leaving his hood and mission behind but he’s starting a new one with her. It’s called FAMILY. And he can’t wait.

Again, it isn’t odd that he doesn’t need more. Knowing his sister is somewhere safe is reassuring and knowing the city is no longer at war with itself is great… but to live and breathe he just needs one person and she’s pregnant with his baby girl.

The next year is a perfect blur of pure bliss.

It’s the simple moments that matter:

· It’s sitting on the porch together at night

· It’s cooking in the kitchen half naked

· It’s giving birth and playing with their baby

· It’s felicity rediscovering wine and the indecent sex she granted him with, where he had to bite down on her neck as she took him inside her as to not wake the baby with his moans

· It’s his baby lying on his chest… sleeping

· It’s rain soaked days in bed and introducing his daughter to snow

They have enough money that work isn’t an issue and maybe that’s unfair to others but after so many years of hardship, he’s just happy not to have another rule to obey-

The monitor comes… but it’s too soon. He was sure… TEN years, not one-

(it’s all Barry’s and Nora’s fault and you all read the long-ass post I created about that so let’s not go there)

-but it doesn’t matter.

He’s going to die anyway.

And that doesn’t compute to him. He’s going to lose everything. AGAIN. He’s making Felicity lose everything… he’s leaving her, them.

His heart breaks

His soul desperately claws its way to its other half

But it’s futile

There are things she doesn’t know – she doesn’t know that he couldn’t LOVE before her, that he couldn’t be a MAN before loving her. She did that. She became a mirror of everything he could love about himself. She made him a miracle and he should have told her about that love, should have asked her out that time when he thought it was a date but was instead, her coming to him with trust and the truth and his mother’s list of names.

No universe can separate their love, no space or time can destroy that.

She believed, always, in him. The same way he believed in her. She told him he deserved more, was worth more.

But he just wanted to be with her. To love her and show her that love all the days of his life and now-

It’s over.

He doesn’t want to go- don’t make me go, he’ll never see her again… he might as well die right now, because she says she’ll find him no matter what, but he takes it in a very different direction.

They’ll meet in the afterlife.

He doesn’t want to know what his life is like without her or a him that has to live far from her. Just kill him already. His daughter will be safe, and he’d like nothing more than to watch her grow-

But leaving Felicity is killing him already.

Of course his life would end like this: he had a year of perfect, perfect peace. It’s more than some people get.

Kill him so he can be with her already…

…

But he doesn’t get it. Heroes like him? They get rewards, they come by them the hard way. It’s the way of the universe and the Monitor… he’s an odd one and he’s knows the secrets of universe: that in the dark places, there’s light.

Oliver can’t live in the world or others will die. HE’LL die.

But he can live elsewhere.

In fact, there’s a pocket paradise no one can touch and it’s the perfect place to send him once his mission is truly over. A place where age and time and space are irrelevant. A place FELICITY SMOAK WILL JOIN HIM.

She did find him. She made her own deal.

Twenty years is a long time… but Oliver thinks he’s going to die. He feels nothing but grief and pain and he misses his girls. Aches for them. Wants to just die already.

So when he discovers the truth, twenty years? IT’S NOTHING. HE WAS WILLING TO PUT UP WITH PRISON FOR THAT SAME AMOUNT OF TIME.

BRING IT ON.

HE’LL SEE HER: HIS SOUL.

And he can spend decades more showering her with everything that he is. That’s a heaven on earth- a heaven in the universe where death doesn’t figure into it.

Thank you, universe… his mother, father, Tommy, Laurel, Quentin, Thea- they’ll have to wait. They’ll have to let him go.

He’s Felicity’s. She’s his heaven. His home. His resting place.

He’ll never be alone.

…And neither shall she.

God that was long winded!!!

And i’m reminded again about EVERYTHING- it hurts so good.

There are fanfic ideas coming too. I’ve been away fro a while guys: June beat me down emotionally and July took away my wifi, but I’m coming back-

GEEZ.

Life really is for the strong.

I’m writing again. YES. I need whiskey or rum for this one though...

Oh... I’m not watching the last 10 episodes live. It sounds miserable with a shot of hope. I WILL watch eventually and it’s gratifying that Arrow has ended and it’s been confirmed that those episodes are Mia/crossover related. But I am keeping up with events. I DO still care.

And i’m very hopeful that our goddess will return for some scenes. I really want to see the finale end off with her there...

#Olicity #meta

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