Tw ED

😭😭 so a couple months ago(before I relapsed again) I invited my friends over for a sleepover which is gonna be today💀that’s why I can’t fast today. The only reason I even invited them was just so I could talk to one of them. I think one of my friends also has an ed I’m not sure though.. maybe we all have EDs lol. We’re all thin. One of them is a small portion Queen💅 the other told me at are last sleep over that she actually feels guilty eating around other people and that so feels even more guilty if she doesn’t finish her plate if everyone else does. Also once I told friend A(guilty girl) that I was 89 lbs and she said she weighed less than me in a shocked voice. Could have been some way to make me feel bad but idk she might have been lying. But then again you probably don’t expect to see someone 19 inch waist and you weigh less then them. Anyway, at the last sleep over me and friend A stayed up all night and shit. And we had a somewhat deep conversation. I wanted to continue it tonight(I can’t do it during the day cuz friend B(small potion queen)will try to turn every deep conversation into a silly one)and since my parents don’t know friend A’s parents very well, she can’t sleep over(friend B can tho) friend A is just gonna stay over for a bit ig. It’s kinda annoying cuz I have more in common with friend A, but I’ll live as long as friend B doesn’t get to comfortable and start acting like a 5 year old all of the sudden for literally no reason. Otherwise friend B is somewhat pleasant to be around(sadly no deep convo’s tho☹️) but that’s not the real problem. Eating is… I got to choose the food cuz it was at my house duh, but my mom acted like I was trying to starve them when I made our meal 300cal so now it’s 500cal. It’s a lot more than I would like and my mom still wants to get them soda. If they do actually have EDs they’ll hate that. Plus they can also have bread(I don’t like bread) I’ll probably try to pick at my food and shit and not finish anything I eat. It’ll be hard but i really don’t want binge, and i try eating normally I will. I will also give options for the calories tho. I’ll let them choose what and how much they want(I hope it doesn’t cause to much stress) they can choose between a 200 or 300 cal ramen or just have bread or just fruit or whatever. I’m honestly scared that I’ll binge(when I eat in front of others I tend to get super nervous and binge which makes them think I have a super metabolism lol, I hate when they make jokes like “you’ll eat anything” or “wow that’s a lot” or “you eat a lot for your size” though) funny enough another friend of mine used to skinny shame me a lot like “your so skinny” or “that’s because your so skinny” or “you don’t eat(me literally eat ten buckets of candy I don’t even like)” that shit ya know? She stopped now, either she realized it was rude and pointless or I’m not skinny to her anymore(I did gain 10 lbs but also lost 3 inches of my waist) so idk. Anyway I just invited friends A and B to my sleepover. And I’m kinda dreading it, I didn’t lose enough weight so I’m dry fast until 3:30pm and eating at 5:30pm (which will mean a 24 hr water fast and a 22 hr dry fast). I really hope it helps me lose weight today 🤞also I can’t purge cuz one of them will be sleeping over💀💀😭😭😭

⋆ Do it to have your dream body this summer ⋆

Pics are from 📌terest

Just got back from my walk to the store and here's what i got ($18.73)

also all this together is only 890cals 😻

ignore the fact the gatorade is mostly gone, i was struggling on the walk back. im literally still shaking, breathing heavy, and my hearts still beating heavy and it's been a good 20 minutes since i sat down 😭

i dont know if it's cuz i haven't ate today, slept today, drank water today, or if it's just the heat 💀

my favourite sp0 atm <3

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**none of these are me. dm for removal!!**

i love pinterest <3

my ed rules:

A days:

mon, tues, thurs, fri

650 cals

workout 30+ mins

walk home

burn off snacks

2L of water

B days:

wed, sat, sun

1000 cals

minimal snacking

- weekly cal limit: 5600

stats 💕

height: 5’3 / 160cm

sw: 120lbs / 54.4kg

cw: 108lbs / 49kg

gw1: 100lbs / 45kg

gw2: 90lbs / 40kg

ugw: 80lbs / 36kg

Sigh

Vision Board 2023 ✨

1. Exercise: For me this means moving my body in any way, shape or form. I want to go on walks, experience nature, different places in and around my city, go on hikes. I’ve recently bought a used Crosstrainer/elliptical off of eBay - I’m going to use it 3-4 times a week to build up endurance and to simply keep my heart and therefore my entire body healthy. It has for some reason always been a little dream of mine to some day run a (half-)marathon. I am nowhere near able to do that anytime soon... But this year I'm starting to work on that!

2. Diet: I want to cook more. I want to use fresh vegetables and fruit. I want to limit fast food/sweets/processed food because I know they don’t make me feel good and they’re not contributing to my goals. I’m not saying I won’t ever eat any of those things again, but they should be an exception, not the norm. Since I also struggle with Crohn’s disease, this is a very important aspect that I have to figure out for the rest of my life. Even though the medication I'm on right now is doing a good job, I’m sure I can support my body by feeding it actual real food - and therefore also prevent future flares.

3. Self-Care: This includes skin and hair care. I have very acne-prone and oily skin, but I know that actually drinking a lot of water and religiously following a skincare routine does help a lot. Self care for me also means taking care of my mental health. I’ve always been a pretty anxious person, but this last year really hasn’t been great. I want to start journaling / writing in a diary again, as this helps me clear my head and at the same time it is a wonderful thing to look back trough my life at a later point. I also want to figure out, what it is I want to do with my life (career wise). I’m currently studying in a masters program, but as of late I'm not sure if that’s actually what I want / should be doing.

I’m going to share my journey on this blog, which will also include specific goals, daily routines, what I eat, and what I do to reach my goals. I want to lose weight (around 15 kgs / 33 lbs), feel healthier and more energized overall and become happy and content with the way I live my life. I hope you guys are along for the ride ✨