i want to slap sam so hard he breaks a wall two rooms over

👀👀 also i just want to say thank you! i really got into P4 this year and finding your work only amplified my love for it. mim became like my 2nd favorite character all because of you also the stage play it really lives in my head rent free. i love your art and writings, your work has turned a special interest into an even more special one.

hi yeah I read this morning I was tearing up a bit sorrry for being an emotional baby I dont get love letters often maybe thats why im full of love . in exchange. thank yo thankyou for all the nice words it means a lot. here’s A LOT in return. with commentary because it um. was too much for the tags

okay this one was one of the drafts for my 3/20 art this year there was like. four drafts till i settled on this one then went SIKE 🏌️🏌️🏌️ you're doing the dual type ones ( the magazine ones i ended up posting )

MIDNIGHT TV STATION REAL !??? anyway here’s just shadow yukiko and iznmi interaction it’s not finished since there’s no backgrounds yet I swear there are. I did this alll the way back in feb I think and just kept polishing it bit by bit throuhgout the year and it’s STILL not done yet. the horrors came in I couldnt work on bigger pieces anymore since they wouldnt even get FINISHED anyway 💥💥💥 there’s also a s.kanji one but those are a bunch of blobs and text in shorthand mim is such a jokester asking questions n shit to twist people’s heads but yukiko’s just so sweet she really means what she says yknow like this is supposed to be the start of mim remembering what humanity is besides the mindless and selfish desires that technically gave birth to them after tearing them apart from the whole they once were. the LAST few TV stations these women were asking shit like ohhh can we hang a noose here ohhhhhhhh I want it to smell like liquor and rust and this girl was like can I have a castle !!!! can I wear a big pink frilly dress and hold a mic to push my human self’s buttons I think it could work

yeah these are my plans for the m.inaba arc for gsaslau and FUCK IM SO MAD I WAS WRITING ON THE TUMBLR EDITOR BUT IT FUCKED UP THE FORMATTING AND A WHOLE CHUNK OF TEXT IS GONE sorry this post is gonna be a lot longer than it should be okay ! gsaslau Magatsu Inaba arc. Adachi’s besties with the attendant but Mim decides they’re done with the attendant facade and erases everyone’s memories of the guy. They did a bad job at it though so Adachi’s stuck with the awareness that he has a hole in his life that could’ve been avoided if someone did a better job at cleaning up everything that reminds him of memories he’s going insane over thinking they exist when they DON’T to literally everyone else. He makes a deal with the fog to be god’s prohpet and usher in the New World as its Fool so it gives him the answer to whether or not his memories are real and worth bringing back a guy he thinks is dead. Souji tries to stop him and as much as Adachi’s trying to hide his true intentions under the guise he’s justifying himself as a bad guy this whole time, he kinda snaps under pressure that a bunch of kids are being able to stop him despite the help of a god and a world he can manipulate. Mim’s plan was to wait for his Shadow to take over so his body’s properties would be enough for him to become a vessel to manifest Ame-no-Sagiri. But THAT doesn’t happen so they did plan B: go force the power of Persona and wear it like a costume enough to hide their face to stop further awakening more memories that could throw the whole deal off. Souji recognizes that it isn’t the power of Persona so he demands god to stop using their powers through a human just to hide from something, it’s putting the guy in enough pain already. Mim agrees to leave and Adachi’s Shadow finally takes over anddd and yeah I could make a separate post about my writing I wish I had more time and energy for things

okay this one looks simple it’s likeee a manga that was supposed to be a companion piece to some writing that also didn’t get finished. so. I could share that but they’re non proofread discord messages but I promise the draft is there the context is that they’re in Okina and they try out the gacha machines. Mim’s genuinely having fun but they pull a teru teru bozu which um. remind them they’re supposed to dutiful god. like they look like a teru teru bozu. and that they’re supposed to treat this as an experiment to see humans’ true desires so they just shove it to Adachi who harmlessly relates it to them because it honestly looks stupid annd the whole tension dissipates.

here's also a bit of writing alll the way back in feb. i guess the context would be episode 13 and 14 where nanako leaves her loveline umbrella with the fox except this time she doesnt get wet since she had a pit stop at the gas station yaayy :mimyay:

The little girl left her umbrella by the torii with the fox as a gesture of her kind heart. Then she hugged the plastic bag in her arms and began to run straight home.

The rain was pouring hard! The summer wasn't as kind as her, nor would the crashing showers that would come after days of blazing heat.

Every step she took quickly became squickly and soggy as her shoes and socks were already soaked through. Her pigtails were getting heavy and her bangs almost covered her eyes. Just then, she heard a voice in the rain. But before she could look, she slipped forward.

"Ah!" Nanako gasped as she let go of the bag and braced for impact, but heard another "ah-h!" as she was quickly hoisted up with an arm wrapped around her chest, picking her up and felt another arm underneath support her. Her chin now on broad red shoulders that smelled faintly of car exhaust and gas amidst the rain.

The splashing of shoes on the wet pavement along with the crinkling sounds of a plastic bag was heard. Nanako was more worried of whose perfectly dry clothes she drenched with her sopping wet ones.

"You okay, little kiddo?" a familiar voice asked as she was gently set down on dry concrete away from the rain.

"I'm okay," she said, wiping her bangs and looking straight at the stranger in front of her.

It was Moel's gas station attendant, the one Souji works with. "Ah, you're big bro's big b--" she quickly shook her head, "I-I mean, big bro's senpai."

"Heh," the crouched man laughed weakly, it even seemed like he forced that smirk. "I work here too, y'know? Little customer."

"Oh, I'm sorry. And thank you, mister attendant."

"You're welcome, and don't worry about it. 'S not like I'm too mad about it."

An awkward air accompanied the scents of lingering exhaust from the last car and the petrichor from the rain. Although Nanako didn't feel any of this, just to say. It's always been like this with big bro’s senpai, at least how it's been with just Nanako herself. Like right now.

The man continued to crouch and adjust his hat. "Well, you're a silly girl. Why's someone with flowers all over her papers running around in the rain?"

Dunno how long, but I hope you haven't been running around like this for too long. I know you live nearby but your big bro's gonna have to take care of you if you get sick!--I mean, he'll always take care of you. He's a good kid.

If you were out long, I'm impressed how much of this you kept dry! …Just hoped you could've done the same for yourself, hehe.

Ah, but knowledge's different than wisdom, or whatever mister detective said. Hm, he even said I had neither! Maybe that's why I didn't know?

Uh…well….the fox by the shrine…. it was getting wet, so I…

Hm…

Heh, 'can see how you and that kiddo really are alike, little kiddo.

and SURPRISE !!! i found this lying around i thoughtt id add it here because youre so nice and it's so lovely to see you in my notifs all the time THIS IS A JUMPSCARE FOR EVERYONE ELSE sorrryyyy sorry

why do you hate the 2nd manga route?

WHOA WHOA HEY HEY HEY WHOA HWOA WHOA WHOA HEY HEY MAN LETS TALK ABOTU THIS HEY HEY WHOIA *acts like im being robbed*

i DONT HATE THE SECOND MANGA ROUTE I DONT I DONT I DONT i really dont. the more i deny it the more it seems im lying but i truly dont hate it LOL its just..... VERY different from the regular routes and im. very. particular. about things changing from what i am used to. my friends keep linking me to something called the autism test but dont worry about it

and while i was reading and seeing the story i am so, so used to and SO, SO obsessed with be so different i was very. not super happy about it. after noticing it was some sort of origin story i kinda started liking it though. i keep saying shit like skip it and etc because i wouldnt call it beginner friendly likeee i rly would place this route as the LAST kagepro thing to consume out of everything else lmao NOT BECAUSE I DISLIKE IT but bc like A LOT FUCKING HAPPENS its so difficult to keep up with it and also i read it once and it was a while ago so. idk i might be misremembering and it might not be that confusing but nah im pretty sure anyone can agree with me. it differs a lot and its like a lot happening

.......BUT. there IS one thing. i do fucking hate. like truly truly hate. and makes me just be like eugh to the whole route because they just DONT. GET. SOMEONE RIGHT. AND IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING. INSANE. yes baby. im gonna talk about harutaka. more particularly takane. lost days happens to be the only bit of second manga route ive reread a few times too and i have very. very. very strong feelings about it. UNDER THE CUT THOUGH. IM NOT SO EVIL TO MAKE U SCROLL THRU IT <3

(warning spoilers for second manga route lol also lots of swearing and me being. honestly an annoying person. dont take my yelling to heart please i am just very passionate) (and when i say you or call u stupid i do not mean you as like the person sending the ask or anyone reading. imagine im talking to a wall i just need to get my feelings out)

TAKANE WOULD NOT FUCKING KILL HERSELF IF HARUKA DIED YOU IDIOT PIECE OF SHIT IM GOING TO RIP ALL MY HAIR OUT I FUCKING HATE THIS SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH AND ALSO IDIOT THEY WOULD NOT JUST NOT SEE HARUKA BC SHE'S LIKE OMG HE HAS ANOTHER FRIEND BWAAAH BWAAAAH ARE U STUUUUUPID ARE YOU STUPID ARE YOU ACTUALLY STUPID INSIDE OF UR HEAD.

everyone: omg vinnie u must be so happy with the harutaka in second manga route they reunite theyre so cute

me: *throws up inside a bag*

ok. let me make exactly 3 points.

1. haruka and shintaro become bffs4ever in the regular route too. haruka and takane are friends BEFORE haruka and shintaro become close in the regular route too. haruka and takane meet secluded, just the 2 of them with only each other, BEFORE haruka and shintaro become close in the regular route too. there is. absolutely no fucking reason for this takane to just be THAT insecure about haruka having a new friend. like absolutely none. what is the reason. that she's not in the hospital anymore? that she doesnt meet shintaro alongside haruka? that ayano isnt in the picture? none of these things should MATTER to make that big of a change. the only thing i can imagine is the fact takane sort of has to leave the setting where he's usually at arms reach to haruka and she felt replaced? but that's like such a reach and it MAKES NO SENSE. AND SHE WOULD NOT DO IT. TAKANE WOULD WALK IN THERE WITH ITS SILLY LITTLE GIFT BAG and even if they did get jealous/feel insecure, he'd do it AFTER FUCKING WALKING IN AND VISITING HARUKA. real takane would NOT LET ANYTHING come between them and seeing haruka. u are sick in ur head and its WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. takane would be happy haruka has a new friend even if she doesnt like shintaro. her "selfishness" as they'd call it to see haruka would be stronger than any kind of "waaa im no good for him he has another friend i better leave then he HATES me" girl no lmao takane's desire to be by haruka's side will always be stronger than any insecurity. this is fundamental to the whole fucking "haruka i love you" thing. it is fundamental to ene and shintaro, bc she feels this kinship over being a "selfish" person. idiot. ugh. this pisses me off so much.

2. takane. would not. KILL HERSELF OVER HARUKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY. WOULD KNOW. HARUKA WOULD WANT THEM TO LIVE THE LIFE HE CANT. AND EVEN IF THEY DIDNT KNOW SHED END UP REASONING IT. hi. headphone actor. have u read it. have you. hey. TAKANE DOES NOT WANT TO DIE. even if the world was ending. takane would not. want. to die. takane wants to live. id add the screenshots but tumblr wont let me add pics in my huge insane text but its in the second novel last headphone actor chapter, azami(?) tells takane even if they go back out the daze there is no place left for her and takane says that's fine, they'll find somewhere. they will make a place for themselves. takane would NOT. kill itself. especially not because of someone else. even in a world where no red eye shit happens and haruka dies of his disease naturally and takane would still just grow up without him. ofc itd hurt like hell and it'd mourn her like crazy but they wouldnt kill themselves over it. oh my god. u fucking UUUUGHHHH IT PISSES ME OFF SO BAD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HER AT ALLLLLLL IM GONNA EXPLODE. yuukei quartet where the healthy pair wanna kill themselves but the unhealthy pair wanna live so bad *my descent into madness is complete* anyways. TAKANE WOULDNT COMMIT SUICIDE. also its fucking ridiculous that they'd do that and end up involved in the red eyes shit by the PURE COINCIDENCE that they kill themselves that day over something unrelated like LMAO thats fucking stupid and love interest syndrome shit dont you DARE do my guy enomoto takane like this. dont you DARE. TAKANE. WOULD NOT. COMMIT. SUICIDE. LET ALONE. OVER. HARUKA.

and 3. take ive read maybe twice but have made me so angry theyve burned a place in my heart waiting for the day i could get an excuse to get it out is... people saying the harutaka in this route is the best because "takane doesnt treat haruka badly like she does normally" erm. ur an idiot. GOD i fucking know the whole tsundere punches crush trope fucking sucks but honest to god anime DOES THAT and everyone in universe takes it lightly bc ANIME. DOES THAT. and its obviously not as SERIOUS as it would be in real life and i will tell u what we do we IGNOREEEEE it bc it adds fucking nothing. like get some fucking nuance come on we got a whole other character like kido telling her brother who was beat as a kid that they wont stop punching him "for his own good". i think we can realise when the writer is being stupid instead of being like yeah these people that dont exist are bad people and abusive. girl no like just stop theyre fictional, someone is WRITING THEM.

and in hs takane's attitude towards haruka in regular routes is grumpy, YEAHHH OFC and theyre snarky and rude and pushy and whatever u want but also god hes a 17 year old with a stupid crush and yknow WHAT I LOVE about them which is HOW i got so obsessed with these 2 in the first place. that theyre friends first and foremost. its always shown and said takane is haruka's most direct support and something that fucking irks me in some fan content is takane being portrayed as this blushing mess that cant talk to haruka GIRL u dont UNDERSTAND THEM. theyre best friends. takane is normal to haruka even if she gets flustered sometimes. like... idk yknow how in the sixth novel i think its like the first lost days chapters where takanes chewing haruka out for not drawing anything yet and generally being a huge bitch but like. thru the whole thing she's described as like smiling and sorta just fucking with him. bc theyre in a truly ridiculous situation and yeah haruka doesnt receive it lightly he thinks shes being harsh but like wow. takane is a flawed character who would fucking imagine do u want a fucking medal like thats THE POINT why do u think this bitch just swallowed her feelings and shit and like shintaro drowned in their guilt and self hatred for 2 years. are u serious. obviously takanes attitude to haruka in highschool isnt the best but also that is the POOOOOOOOIIIIINNNNTTTTTT. why do you THINK she feels so much self hatred. and also despite that THEYRE BEST FRIENDS WHO HANG OUT AND LOVE EACH OTHER and haruka thought highly of her and adored her and ough ok this is about takane dont get me started on haruka but like. yeah she is harsh and silly abt its crush but theyre best friends first and foremost is nice to him and usually people like when people are nice so haruka likes her. there's loads of instances where takane is as nice as they are in the second manga route. so jot that down.

takane's love interest syndrome in second manga route. literally the most tragic thing in the world. i do ADORE the goodbye she has with shintaro like that bit is genuinely one of my all time fave kagepro moments and it is from this route but second manga route takane during the prequel bit??? absolutely fucking TERRIBLE. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HER LIKE I DO. NOOOOO ONE. AND HAVING THIS "CANON" SHIT TREAT THEM THIS WAY MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL. i hate it so much to the point yeah i could say i fucking hate the second manga route. like i just wrote this huge ass text that i spent *looks at time*a whole hour writing so im all fired up and ofc when i calm down im gonna say waht i said at first like No i dont hate this route bc truly i dont but i hate this takane thing so fucking much i might as well just hate the whole route. do not fucking mess with my blorbo. i didnt have it under the microscope for 10 years only for you to do this to it.

manga: i give you haruka pov!

me: YAYY

manga: in exhange of takane getting love interest syndrome <3

me: WAIT WHAT

@k1r0sl1mb0 just read this entire thing.

This is pre typed message

Please, read the entirety.

since you have me blocked everywhere i think the most logical and.. really the only way to do this is on a empty acc where only you'd see it. im going to be brutal here, so sincerely, i want you to read it.

Notes.

8/30/23

Recently the cards seem don't really make much sense. Everything seems fine, i don't understand what it's trying to tell me.

its like, a bunch of happy cards like the 10 of cups keep coming out but after all of those suddenly theres the 3 of swords. i dont get it.

maybe im not good at these right now"

9/11/23

I have this weird ass looming feeling like somethings gonna go wrong but nothing seems off

Im scared i dont understand why i feel like this, everything seems okay"

9/24/23

"i cant shake this feeling tonight.

i hate this feeling.

i wish it'd stop.

i hate this

i cant take this right now

ive been this way for hours and i never fucking asked for this."

9/29/23

"i feel so sick fuck theres something wrong but i dont know what and im scared

something feels so off. somethings about to happen again im scared its the same times as last year and shes been so distant its like she isnt telling me something im so confused

am i doing something wrong?"

That was prior to everything. I knew for longer than I want to admit I did. I knew it was coming.

I wanna show you one more note though. Im going to edit it a bit ofc, but you see my point.

10/10/23

"i really hope one day you'll fall in love with me and just me alone, im tired of being the boy who's like him.

i wanna be the one you love

i want you to fall in love with me, all of me, all the fucked up bits of me just me not the pieces of him you can find in me.

i just want your love.

i wanna be loved how i love you

i want you to want to gently hold me and care for me and tell me that you love me and to just do what i do for you.

i wanna be able to cry to you and be comforted be told its okay have my cries responded to when i need you

i want to be cared for so badly

i want you to care when im not okay i want you to be there to calm me to even me out please

i want you to still care when things go wrong i wanna feel like you care but even if i was about to try to commit suicide you wouldnt be there because i cant die.

i really wish you'd care for me the way you probably cared about him."

It felt like that for ages. I mean like, actual fucking ages.

This is me being vulnerable with you, properly.

Anyways, moving on. I figured using some notes would help me talk about this. I really hope you're reading this, because I typed this on 10/25/23, but I plan on scheduling this to send in.. several months actually. I just need to let it out yk? To be honest, you said you're self aware but you aren't.

A relationship means caring for the other person involved too, and to be absolutely brutal? You never gave a shit about me. If you did you sure didn't show it. I was never once a top priority to you, hell I suspected you must be cheating a few times and I WAS HALFASS RIGHT. You did like someone else, intuition never lies. I feel like I deserved better to be honest. I always gave you everything, I bought you things and sent you paragraphs, I have a box full of love letters and I've done countless amounts of spellwork in the name of protecting you, but I never got anything in return for it. Nothing at all. Im calling you selfish, Robyn. You're genuinely so selfish that I don't know how you haven't noticed it yourself. Oh i'm dying?? No matter! I'll be fine!! Its like that is what goes through your head. Its like, no matter what was happening it never mattered. You never seemed to give a shit unless my life was on the line and even then? Rare that you'd even respond. When i'm doing bad its a hassle to even get a hug. I was always there for you every second, if something was the matter with you I prioritized trying to stay with you until everything was okay. I loved you. I made sure you always knew I loved you, I told you all about it constantly. I did so much for you, I even saved $300 in hopes I would get to travel to see you once I hit 18.

I did everything for you. I was dedicated, I was genuinely ready to give you my life.

But i'm speaking in past tense.

Sometimes, I think you never even actually were in love with me, but just the shadow of Shiloh that I had. I know I'm similar, I know thats what you saw in me originally. Whenever I asked you what you loved about me you couldn't even tell me, yet I had a 50 bullet point long list of all these small things I adored about you. It was insane how unreciprocated it was, yet I desperately tried to get the validation of being loved by you. I tried and I tried, constantly, I thought "If I keep trying, she'll give me something! She says she loves me so maybe if I do this or this she'll give me a little bit of affection." I thought like that, every day. Like some fucking neglected dog waiting for their owner to feed them for the first time in weeks. You wanna know what I find even funnier though? The fact that the little bit of affection I got was a "💖" reaction to my essay about loving you. That, was what I was so fucking excited for. You warped me that bad mentally. I actually hit a point where I thought, that a fucking heart reaction was proper reciprocation of my feelings.

Another point I would like to make is that in this last run, You literally could care less about my emotional wellbeing. "Ask Apollo" what if I wanted my LITERAL GIRLFRIEND who's supposed to be there for me to comfort me? What if, maybe, just maybe, I wanted you to just simply say the words "It'll be okay, don't worry" to me? That's all I have ever wanted from you. I was never seeking advice, or validation, or anything else. I was literally just seeking comfort and to be listened to.

Out of the relationship, I still sought for comfort in you. I didn't know better. I had nobody else. So I would spend my nights crying to you, not in hopes for you to fix it but in hopes that you would listen, that you'd hug me and tell me that I was going to be okay. That you'd prove you cared about me and still loved me in any way at all.

You never responded so I kept doing it because I wanted that comfort.

This is where the emotional numbness wears down a bit. The 23rd, you know when you left. Don't take this as guilt tripping but I am gonna give a quick rundown of why the way you executed that makes you a fucking asshole. One of my best friends? Left me. Another one of my best friends? Contemplating suicide!! (They did attempt, ended up in a ward.) And then on top of all of that? THAT is when you choose to drop the bomb on me!! Yes, call me out, but NO don't do it when i'm under that kind of stress. I don't know if the mental basic skills weren't working or if you're that fucking selfish, but that is not a good time to just yk, leave!! It really isn't. Like seriously. "Oh you're at peak mental worst? Yeah sorry bro let me just leave you alone to your own demise and do the one thing that I know will drive you insane, gotta help you out here."

And look I get it, I hate myself too I know, but that was just foul. It was genuinely such a shitty thing to do and I don't care if you were being told by deities to cut communication you could've waited a day or hell, had a real conversation with me!! Gone "Hey August, we need to talk" YOU COULD'VE TALKED TO ME. But no. No that isn't right to you now is it? You ran away again basically. I can guarantee this would've hurt x10 LESS bad if you just simply went and asked me to talk and then explained all of that. In a conversation, like a actual fucking interaction. You could've said you needed some time away, told me we need to cut communication, and let me have a proper goodbye to you.

You're one of the most selfish, cruel people I have ever known and if that doesn't make you self aware I really don't know what does. I knew that you were selfish and cold and still found so much to love anyways, yet you never had enough decency to be kind to me. You never were able to just, return the favor of treating me nicely and letting me speak the final words I wanted to.

I hate you. I really wanna say it. I fucking hate you.

But its not true. I'm mentally wired not to hate you almost as if static covers up those words, I wish I hated you. I really fucking wish I did.

I think you successfully did it, you know how you became emotionally so closed off? I think that a new yet timeless cycle happened, and its that I am unable to trust anyone ever again. Everyone is a liar, especially you. I won't show emotions because it will always always ALWAYS result in me being alone.

You must be happy with making me just like you were, i'm sure its why we're bonded the way we are. Must've been inevitable. I wonder if you're feeling what I feel as I am typing this.

I wish that the next words i'm about to say were a lie, but they aren't.

I love you.

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

I want to talk about The good place; season 4; "a normal girl from Arizona" part one and two

More like I need to or I'll combust into tiny pieces on someones kitchen tiles.

Cw memory loss and just me talking about being in love I guess

This wont be coherent as is anything in my head I just need to talk about it bc ooohhh my fucking shit I havent even finished it but-

Chidi's and Eleanors relationship is so important. First they get introduced as soul mates to one another only to feel the pain of not being cosmically bound. Considering that Chidi decides to help Simone recover in the afterlife only after he thinks she is his soul mate so it's safe to assume Chidi did take it to heart. But after thinking they aren't soulmates they manage to find eachother again. And again. And again. After almost dying, being separated, HAVING THEIR MEMORIES WIPED. If soul mates aren't real and Micheal assigned them to eachother to make them hurt, how come even in different circumstances they still fell in love again? Did Micheal make a lucky guess or was it just meant to be? On top of that when Chidi gets assigned a new fake soul mate, it doesnt click the same way. So it would be true that it's just that Eleanor is the one.

But of course no one can be happy forever in media or life so... Chidi once again loses all memory to help defeat the bad place and the fact they sent his ex, knowing he would be too nervous to help. Can you imagine the soul crushing pain fucking Eleanor would be in?

Imagine time and time again LOSING the person you fell in love with but this time you have to remember it. You have to see their face and knowing you cant kiss it, see their hands and know you cant hold them, look at them and knowing they don't remember every moment that made your connection special. And Eleanor can't even try to strike up a romance again because she has to pretend to be the architect, the only plan would be after the experiment is over to show him clips of memories. But that doesnt mean it would bring back the feeling as we saw Chidi's reasoning to seeing them was "that's a different Chidi, not me" while they were in Janet's void. And if she starts flirting with him after the experiment who knows if itll work or if she can hide all the memories she has of their time beforehand.

So. Not only does she have to see the love of her life walk around not remembering her, potentially falling in love with someone else, knowing this might be the last time she ever got together with him but it's also framed as a huge sacrifice on his end and she has to smile it off and is considered selfish and a bad leader when she hesitates to matchmake the guy she fell for and his ex.

Knowing you've found one another over and over again only to realize "shit...it can't happen again, can it?" How do you just pretend you're not in love anymore? I'm an amnesiac and deeply in love with my boyfriend and one of my worst fears is that if I forget I will forever loose him and that I wouldnt care that I'd loose him.

Just like in that one scene after watching their memories together before Chidi gets his wiped he says "I'm gonna miss you so much Eleanor" and she says "but you wont. That's what's so scary." And she is right. How can you miss someone you haven't met or well thought you havent met? She will miss him and she will fight for him but he wonr have the memory and feelings to do the same so he may act out of line because on his end the connection doesnt exist, accidentally harming Eleanor but probably not caring because...who is she anyway? He says "I haven't fallen in love before" after being wiped and Eleanor has to smile and say "I know." He didnt mean to hurt her, he didnt mean to be a dick but because he doesn't understand the past nature of their relationship; even a small comment that is insignificant to him is a boulder on her shoulders and there is nothing she can do. She can't hold him accountable because to him, he doesnt owe her anythingz.

What's more is that before he gets rebooted Micheal makes a compilation of memories they DON'T remembered because of the past memory cleans. Memories where they still fall in love. But they don't remember any of it. It's ironic, isnt it? How they've experienced so much joy together yet get to recollect none of it? And now the little they had is getting taken away for the last final time.

Eleanor says "weve found eachother hundreds of times. We can do it again." But I think that somewhere deep inside, maybe because Chidis ex is in the experiment, she doesn't believe that. But that line and the fact they've met eachother in so many different "attempts" as Micheal calls them is so important to me. Idk if anyone here other than me believes in cosmically bound souls but my boyfriend and I are twin flames; the same soul separated in two bodies, always looking for eachother in every life time (not inherently romantic istg some ppl r stupid) but him and I have looked for one another in different lifes, lifes we don't remember and now we have found eachother. The thought it may go away in the next life or even right now is terrifying to me. But we too have probably found eachother hundreds of times and here we are, doing it again.

How fundamentally important is memory to connections? Can you work off of feeling alone? Sure, you may have your feelings still but you won't know why you love them. You won't know what person they are. You won't know them. And how do you justify loving someone you dont know to yourself?

"What's the point of love if it's just gonna dissapear and how is it worse to not love anybody?" There is no universal answer to the question Eleanor asks Janet but my take is that its memories. Even if you loose the feeling you once felt youd still have that necklace they bough you, or that special place you had, that song they played you, those laughs and jokes, those warm years that passed. You'll still know everything that made them special, everything that made your time fulfilled. Even if you loose someone, they were still once there and as long as you have the capacity to remember them; have you lost them?

Recently I found screenshots in my gallery of people I don't remember. That's me, in the screenshots talking to them. Sending hearts and saying I love them. Talking about how funny they are and making inside jokes that I now feel very outside of. The more I looked the more my heart warmed up but the less I remembered. I felt the love. I felt everything that I did back then for them but now I can't justify it. I can't say I know them. I can't say they mean something because, well, who are they even? All of the laughter and calls and joy; why does it matter I feel nice when I think of them if I don't know "them"?

The response Janet gives is something I've written countless poems on and have never been able to pin down the feeling but this show does it well. Maybe it's my own emotional attachment or the fact I saw it soon after falling in love but it's still impactful to me more than ever.

"If there is an answer I could tell you about how the universe works it wouldnt be special, it would be a bunch of code doing its cosmic design. Nothing makes sense so when you find something or someone that does, its euphoria."

Euphoria. That's the feeling I get when I feel I'm in place. When I'm inside my own body and something begins to make sense. When I'm around my friends and I hear they are alive and well, when I remember why I love them. Euphoria. When I got together with my boyfriend that's what it was. It made sense. It wasn't something I didnt want, something I didnt see coming, something that was thrust upon me as another chaos in the chaos. It made sense. When we held hands before we were together it made sense. When we talked of growing old together before we were together it made sense. Now when I feel my heart sink when he has to leave; it makes sense. When i beg time to slow down; it makes sense. When I don't flinch at touch for the first time; it makes sense. To be lost and finally see your home street; its euphoric. A place you know. A place you understand.

And if Paradise is supposed to make sense of course Chidi and Eleanor found one another. It just makes sense, doesnt it? Finding out why you're here; would you really care for your cosmic purpose if you knew it and it differed from what your heart longed for?

It makes sense Chidi and Eleanor were in love. It doesn't make sense he has to leave once again. So maybe, just maybe, that was the real torture.

I have so many other thoughts but its work time

Bye bitchesssss

Sunny, I remember you saying that you would have loved to rewrite parts of the start up to develop characters and make it a more complete story.... if you don’t mind I would love to hear your improved take on it! That show had so much potential and they wasted it for what???

okay! (this is gonna be long. i apologize in advance) 

i think the first two episodes of start up were perfect. like *chefs kiss*. academy AWARD 

(the way the backstory was set up. getting to know young dalmi and her family as well as young ji pyeong and her grandma (🥺). the subsequent tragedies that played out. the jump to the future. showing dal mi’s personality as an adult with how competent/smart she was handling that mess at the coffee shop. the reintroduction of ji pyeong. the introduction of nam do san. the way even with the ridiculous set up and the fact that as a viewer you are already invested in jipyeong they managed to make nam do sans character stand out bc he didnt meet dalmi for any selfish reasons at the end of the day. he just wanted to help this woman he didnt even know bc thats just the type of person he is . like the set up was PERFECT. it was so good. i loved every character)  

my PROBLEM is litchrally everything that happened in terms of character progression after that. i dont mind the way the story went in terms of the main plot points. its just how they got to and through those plot points was just SO uninspired. they WASTED those characters.

as soon as they started prioritizing the love triangle over the individual characters arcs the quality of the writing went down. 

one. everything shouldve been out in the open after dalmi met dosan at sandbox and found out he wasnt rich. there was NO reason to keep the lie going after that and it was a disservice to dalmis character to have her be bamboozled for SO long. they tainted so many of the best parts of the show for that lie. them meeting at sandbox and then being on the same team and ji pyeong as mentor was the perfect opportunity to come clean about the other shit bc the story no longer NEEDED that other shit to continue the plot and even the love triangle. that lie was just dragged out TOO long and in the real world dalmi shouldve never talked to EITHER of them again. (if they revealed it earlier it wouldnt have been such a huge deal)

two. i love ji pyeongs character, i think he was very interesting and complex but i didnt once want him and dal mi to end up together. to me no matter how it wouldve happened they wouldve gotten together for the wrong reasons. she was 26 years old with an unhealthy attachment to her elementary school pen pal that she never even MET. and he had this perpetual sense of guilt for what happened when he was a kid. i wanted them to be friends. i feel like so much of his attraction to dalmi was just loneliness. and it was such a disservice to his character to have him hung up on her until the END?? he was lonely in the whole show and then still kind of lonely at the end? literal whole time jump and he was still inexplicably hung up on her?? that was ridiculous. that was MEAN

three. ji pyeong and dosan shouldve became real friends and ji pyeong shouldnt have liked dalmi until the end (that was mean and dumb). they ROBBED me of ji pyeong/dosan friendship. theyre evil for that. if you think about the way the plot started jipyeong and dosan learned so much from each other about love and friendship. i think ji pyeong really introduced like romanticism and ~love~ to dosan while dosans relationship with his friends showed jipyeong like real loyalty and platonic love without ulterior motive (bc he was always talking about how dosans friends are gonna turn on him bc thats just business) . and the fact that ONE) they never really acknowledge how they changed each other for the better and TWO) they just never warm up to each other?! even after jipyeong bought him home drunk and they slept in each other arms (lmfksjkgf) and also beat the shit out of each other that one time (loved that btw) i think it was really SOOOO wack they didnt become friends. when the pieces were all already in place. WASTED POTENTIAL

four. as a rule i think all time jump character development is bad writing. where instead of doing the actual work to develop a character they just put in a time jump and imply the development all happened off screen. and the fact that they did that with injae’s character was just so corny and LAZY. they had ample time to flesh her out. and with the way the backstory played out dalmi and injaes relationship was arguably MORE important than anything with either of the men. and they just didnt show it?! they just dislike each other before the time jump and then after theyre cool and thats just it?? it was a disservice to her and dalmi and the viewer to just do all that shit off screen so they could keep clowning with the love triangle 

five. the Love Triangle was more between the VIEWER, ji pyeong and dosan than it was DALMI, ji pyeong and dosan. they kept trying to sell the back and forth of the love triangle to US but there was a blatant disconnect in the story on the ji pyeong and dalmi front! dalmi didnt ONCE think of ji pyeong romantically. so much of the love triangle was just pulling the leg of the viewer. (ALSO this couldve been solved if they revealed the truth earlier bc dalmi wouldve at least considered them both) like i dont care too much for love triangles but i feel like if they were gonna spend SO much time and effort on it, the least they couldve done was actually write a love triangle??

six. this is kind of a crack idea (so if you disagree with this its fine) but i think ji pyeong and injae shouldve had something instead of him being hung up on dalmi the whole show. he shouldve realized halfway through he was just lonely and guilty about his past (also he was dalmis mentor) and then they shouldve started peppering in some subtle hints about him and injae. injae was not only older, she had a similar disposition to jipyeong in terms of just her outlook of the world and their work. injae and ji pyeong were both more cynical and also mature in a way that dalmi and dosan just werent. they shouldve at the very LEAST hinted at it instead of them both just being alone at the end?! it wouldve rounded out everyones characters so well. ji pyeong not being lonely bc of his friendship with dosan and falling in love with injae. dalmi gaining her relationship with her sister back and falling in love with dosan and getting that sweet romance she always wanted WITHOUT any big lie. AND dalmi and jipyeong being family bc of her grandma. it wouldve covered everything! 

but NOOOO. start up writers said we are gonna focus all our energy on this love triangle that isnt even a love triangle. fuck you

[Art by me, refs i found on google. Character is mine and my comfort character]

(Back story on Jay Clef Wolfwood)

He doesnt remember much of his childhood. His adoptive father said he was found half drowned in the river. Clearly unwanted by whatever parent he was with before. If it werent for Agent Stareye, a GOC field anget he wouldnt have seen his first birthday. Since then his mind was in a fuzz until he started highschool. He can recall his fathers coworkers looking after him but never seeming happy about it. People always tense around him... never seeming comfortable with his company.. and the list, oh fuck the list, he had to live by for his "saftey" according to his father.

Never be in any pictures. Its a way to be tracked.

Never walk alone in the woods. Its too dangerous

Never tell anyone about what dad does for work

Never talk about dads friends

Never talk about what dad does

Theres more but he slowly outgrew them. As he finished highschool he entered a special collage the GOC provided for him and others like him. He was top of his class. He further advanced his education and became a science doctor, much to his fathers pride, but then... the incident happened. He was waiting for his father to return home when a reality bending anomaly was spotted near the house. He didnt notice until he walked outside to get something from the back garden. There it was staring him down. They entered a strange staring contest before he took a step further. The anomaly seemed shocked and growled at him, then the shot rang out. He whipped his head back and saw his father with his work rifle.

"Inside! Now!!" His father barked with a panicked tone.

Jay wasted no time and bolted into his childhood home. His father looked him over and hugged him close, explaining what happened.

"But.. nothing happened? It just stood there..." jay replied confused then shrunk into himself at his fathers look

"You.. didnt notice the world literally melting around you? Oh fuck oh fuck fuckfuckfuck!!" His father started to pace and tug at his hair.

"Father.. dad whats wrong?" He was scared, father never acted like this...

"Pack clothes and anything you need desperately. I... i need to call in a favor-" and off his father went.

Jay did as he was told and hurried to pack bags of clothes, blankets that calmed him, worn stuffed animals, all drawings, pictures of dad and his coworkers, and anything that would keep him sane.

He and father started to load up the car just as dads radio started to go off.

For the first time ever, his father turned it off.

They drove for hours after the incident until they reached a cabin across the country. His father has been quiet the entire time but looked to him with tears in his eyes.

"Listen my little bird.. you wont understand this yet but.. the person who lives here... she'll care for you okay? Shes gunna get you a good job and keep you safe. Please do not, and i mean this, do not under any circumstances tell them about me or what happened. You will be killed if anyone found out about who i am or what happened. Never forget your safety list either okay? I love you baby bird.. i hope you live well.." his father held his shoulders firmly as he started to cry.

Jay was frozen as tears silently streamed down his cheeks. He had so many things he wanted to say, things to ask, but no words came out.

A woman with bright red hair and her husband came out in a hurry to help unload the car while the father and son had their moment.

It wasnt until jay was on the porch and watching his father figure drove away. He broke down screaming and crying. He never knew it then but as his world broke so did the world around him.

The world gray-scaled and started to crack. Pitch black horns sprouted from his forehead and curved like twisted dear antlers. His eyes blazed different, glitching colors and a third eye opened.

The husband took a risk and hugged him tightly, urging him to calm down. It.. it took some time before things settled, the world back to normal... but jay wasnt. There were stubs where his horns were and a faint line of his third eye remained.

The kind husband, Gary, took him inside and sat him on the guest bed. Gary and Rose, the wife, began to explain what they could. That his father's work hunted down anomalies and he would be forced to kill him were his work to find out. Rose was his brother and worked for a different organization called the SCP foundation. They protected and contained anomalies like the one in the woods.

"But... i wasnt the one father killed. Why... why did he leave me here?" Jay asked through hiccups.

"Well.. that anomaly was a reality bender. It makes things change around you. You never noticed and even scared it to backing down. No one can just... not be affected. You would most likely be killed.. the place your father works for hates anomalies and he wouldnt be able to hide you. The SCP foundation would allow us to not only give you a home but make you at least a class b researcher. They would treat you well given our status as class a doctors."

As rose explained jay just nodded numbly. He wouldnt be seeing his father ever again for his own safety. It felt so.. selfish. That was the man who took him in when no one wanted him, raised him pasted the age he was about to be denied, given a home and love. Now he understands why he was abandoned, their birth parent knew he was different and tried to kill him.

Soon the lovely couple left him to unpack and settle in.. he kept the photos hidden away but didnt get rid of them. Just as he put the last blanket on... well on his new bed there was a soft knock at the door.

"Hey.. jay um.. a doctor is here just to make sure youre okay. She wont tell anyone unless we say. Shes nice, rose works with her." Gary spoke softly with a... pitiful expression.

Jay nodded and walked to the dining room with a stuffed deer plush hes always had for comfort.

The doctor, Dr felleen, made sure his mind was still in one piece and that he had no hidden injuries. He was completely fine so to speak.

Time would pass and he would adjust to his new home, gary and rose maple were kind to him. They taught him alot about where he would first show up during a "bring your child to work day" then shadow gary, who was hot shit on campus. Soon he would have his own office at Site [redacted] which he excelled in. He could make any SCP talk. Sure his coworkers were uneased around him, like something bad would happen if they stayed, but he didnt mind. Eventally he was forced to transfer to Site [redacted] and sadly forced to move away from gary and rose. He left on good terms and promises to keep in touch. He takes most of his things, just in case he must come back and takes a moment to look at photos of his old adoptive father. He smiles and kisses the photo.

Hes gotta go, Dr Kondraki is gunna be his new site director! He promised to show him around, something about 05 loving his work and promoting him to class a? Oh well. Things seem to be looking up!

[More to follow soon!]

gyadl liveblog ep19

(previous ep)

-oh shit i forgot this episode is where tianying is gonna marry her brother 🤮

-every time tianci is onscreen i have the overwhelming urge to break his nose. and then his fingers

-hey at least the dad looks like he feels vaguely guilty after she told them she’d said her final goodbye to dumbass xxc

-oh man i’ve almost forgotten what’s happening in the plot. hong lan ran away so she wouldn’t have to marry xxc and now she’s with poor lfs

-LUO FUSHENG I MISSED YOU!!!

-ah, gremlin didi knows when it’s time to make a strategic retreat 😂

-hong lan ur so dramatic. i mean i wouldn’t want to have an arranged marriage either but damn

-she doesn’t deserve u to defend her ur too sweet lfs

-HES TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THEM!!!!! (except maybe tianying)

-and now hong lan is gonna be mad at him too. despite all he’s doing for her 😒

-or maybe not. but she will eventually no doubt

-such a yummy dinner! perfect timing, my own dinner is about to arrive

-HONG LAN STOP MAKING LUO FUSHENG CRY FFS

-outsider?!!?

-EVERYONE IS MAKING MY BOY SAD AND I DONT LIKE IT AT ALL

-STOP BEING SO GODDAMN SELF SACRIFICING

-WHY U GOTTA BRING UP TIANYING

-THIS IS WHY U GOTTA ASK THE OTHER PERSON BEFORE U DECIDE TO BUILD YOUR LIFE AROUND A DECISION YOUVE MADE FOR THEM

-WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW UNHAPPY

-GREMLIN DIDI NOW IS NOT THE TIME. YOU CLEARLY DONT KNOW THE WHOLE SITUATION OTHERWISE YOU WOULDNT SAY THAT 

-also everyone is being mean to ur ge right now can u be the only person who’s there for him without being mad at him? apparently not 

-i know i should feel bad for xxc but i do not. at this point i’ve said that so many times... and i will say it again i’m sure 😂

-time for the incest marriage!! joy!

-her hair is so prettyyy

-love some fancy braids

-wait there’s a note? for who?? is she running away??!!!! pls run my dear pleeeease

-oh no lfs why did u come why do u torture urself like this

-there’s trouble??? lfs to the rescue??

-oh no somethings wrong with the dad... oH nO wHaT a TrAGeDy....

-wait xxc? with a gun?? OH MY GOD you FUCKING IDIOT

-she doesn’t want to go with u and UR STILL TAKING HER?? she’s made her choice. stupid choice it is but still

-oh my GOD he’s gone crazy. i mean, should’ve seen it coming. he’s always been like this but this is... uh... something else

-first you assume xxc told him his hairbrained plan and now ur refusing his help. ur so fuckin stupid tianci

-WOULD YOU STOP AND LISTEN TO THE WOMAN YOU SUPPOSEDLY LOVE XXC??!!!

-holy FUCK SHE WAS GONNA WHAT?? i didn’t even have time to think what she was knotting the sheets for

-love some good cgi motorcycle scenes

-wait no- don’t tell them about the note

-i don’t get how tianci can still think that lfs is in cahoots with xxc. like no srsly- are you so jealous that it’s killed your only two brain cells?

-luo fusheng constantly gets yelled and misunderstood at but he still helps everyone 😭

-YOU FUCKING TELL TIANCI!! YOU TELL HIM!!!!!!! HES NO DIFFERENT FROM THE MAN HE SO HATES

-just LOVE that her father is gonna use his deathbed guilt to chain her to the troupe and her asshole brother

-oh my GOD all we need right now is a yelling xxc 😒 at this point i hate him just as much as tianci

-ur a FUCKIN DOCTOR my dude. what the FUCK is wrong with you. when i said earlier he’d gone crazy i wasnt entirely serious, but now i am

-as much as i don’t want tianying to have had to watch her dad die, i’m also like- HE COUGHED UP BLOOD AND DIED XXC TAKE THAT

-but of COURSE why would that EVER make him stop yellring and being selfish! no, a dead body is faking it, that’s gotta be it 😒

-she should’ve broken his nose, not just slapped him. but hey, it’s progress!!

-wow ur such a pathetic piece of shit xxc

maybe i did lie when i said i love you

i mean i didnt mean to, and i really thought i did love you. But loving someone is not like this. I thought loving someone means i wanna be with them, take care of them, help them as much as i can, know every little piece of their soul and body. Loving someone means the obsession and passion in our eyes when we look at each other.

but loving someone also mean i CANT and i DONT want to hurt them. I cant and dont want to put them in pain. Because if they get hurt, i get hurt too, but i would get hurt a million times if that means he wont. The problem is, thinking of these and feeling these aren’t enough. Love is when you love them more than yourself, and you let them go, if it’s painful for them, no matter how lonely and broken you will be after. Because they will be fine, and thats more important. But if we love someone more than ourselves, how can we enjoy OUR life? I kicked you out of my life a couple of times, no matter how much it killed me, but i wanted to enjoy my life. Enjoy me. I’m supposed to be the main character, even tho I could be fine if my whole life could be just about you. All day, all night. I was too selfish. And after all of the blocking and not talking phases, i still went back to you, making myself the main character in YOUR life and blaming you for it. I was treating you as a store, which i can go into when i need something, and then walk out. Thats not love. If i could really love you, with all of my heart, as i thought i did, we wouldnt be here now. Ur blocked, im stucking in a relationship which is the most toxic thing ever happened to me. But since finally i am the main character, i chose this to myself. I can’t hurt you over and over when you always tried to help me healing. So after everything we’ve been thru, we are strangers again. I turned you against myself when all i wanted was you. But what can i do? I made the shit for myself, and theres no way back. The only thing i can hope for that one day you will forgive me and we can look at each other the same as we did for the first time. That cold, empty first night at the train station.

hey so remember that post i made talking about how connor murphy is an abusive shithole? id like to make some adjustments to that.

in that post, i said that people are still allowes to like/relate to connor murphy and/or evan hansen. i only said that because if i didnt constantly cater to the opinions of deh stans, id be burned at the stake for it, and even when i did cater to them, i got people saying that connor actually isnt abusive, and that i should "let people enjoy things, karen".

well you know what? i literally dont give a shit right now.

dear evan hansen is a shitty garbage musical and anyone who tries to defend it needs to read the fuck out of this post.

lets address the elephant in the room. connor murphy abuses his sister. this shouldnt be up for debate, its literally part of his character, and basically stated in the script, which i own. if you "disagree" with this, i think you need to watch that show again.

so now that thats out of the way, i can go further into detail about this.

deh portrays connor murphy as a ~complicated~ individual, and says that even though he did bad things, the world shouldve been more welcoming and kind to him, and his parents shouldve tried harder to help him.

and sure, okay, his parents definitely sucked at trying to give their son the help he needed, but are we actually just going to skim over the fact that hes abusive? he threatened his sister and treated her like shit daily, thats not ~complicated~, thats called abuse, and the writers of this show cant fucking put this kid on the pedestal they put him on without giving the impression that they think abuse is justifiable.

you cant have it both ways. you cant have a character be irredeemable, then try to portray them in a sympathetic light. it makes you look like an asshole.

so if connors such a shithole, why do so many people like him?

well, lets just say that if sincerely me wasnt a song, people wouldnt give a shit about him. this is a classic case of "piece of media has a character say theyre gay, then pass it off as a joke to appeal to the straights, and lgbt+ fans eat it up." once fans had that impression of him, they couldnt let it go.

but that isnt who connor is. thats literally the point of sincerely me. connor isnt the cutesy sad baby you think he is, hes an abusive piece of shit who doesnt deserve the attention he got.

you might say: "but he was depressed!" "but his parents were neglectful!" "but he was ostracized!" and to that i say:

okay. that sucks. so?

how would any of that make him a sympathetic character? how would any of that justify giving the positive attention connor got? short answer: it wouldnt. long answer: you guys love saying "that doesnt make it okay, but..." but what you really mean is "i dont apply critical thinking to the characters i like because im stubborn about holding onto the first impression i had of them, so i dont care how objectively horrible they are, as long as i can tangentially relate to them via pride flags and neurodivergency, im good."

to portray connor the way he was portrayed is unacceptable. i literally cannot express how disgusted i am at this show and its fans.

moving on to the other huge asshole of this show, evan hansen himself.

where do i even start with evan hansen? well, lets make a list of all the reprehensible things hes done in the musical:

gaslighted an abuse victim into thinking her abuser loved her as a method to pursue her romantically

lied to said abusers entire family, painting a picture of a perfect child that definitely was nowhere close to who he actually was

antagonized his mother, claiming she saw him as "broken" when she was just trying to help him with his anxiety

hurt literally every single person in the musical and didnt hesitate to go straight for the jugular on every one of them

defended connor by saying "life is messy, people are complicated, blah blah blah blah false morality"

but sure hes adorable because anxiety.

evan hansen does not come anywhere close to what people call "morally gray" or "a good person doing bad things." i seriously cant think of a single thing he did in the musical that was solely for someone elses benefit. hes a selfish person. thats his whole thing. he wants attention so bad that he was willing to do outrageously bad things to get it. this isnt a matter of anxiety and getting caught up in a lie that got too big to let go, its a matter of being selfish. thats it. he isnt a good person. stop acting like he is.

the final thing id like to say is to those who identify as connorkin or evankin, or just relate to either of them as characters. to those people, i can say either 1) you dont know these characters as well as you think you do, and youre mistaken, OR, 2) you literally identify with one of these piles of human garbage, go away. im not going to waste my time arguing with people who relate to abusers/people who defend abusers

and if you think ive said "abuse/abuser" too much, and that i should find more creative ways to criticize connors character, i hate to break it to you, but theres not much else to say about him. the majority of whats said about him in dear evan hansen is a lie, so all i know about him is: 1) abuser, 2) some incident with a printer, so hes evidently a violent person, 3) weed, 4) depression? i guess? and 5) just a general asshole

thats kind of it

dear evan hansen spits in the face of abuse victims. it spits in the face of those who have depression or anxiety. it spits in the face of suicidal teenagers. it spits in the face of everything it pretends it cares about.

its a disgusting and damaging show, and id greatly appreciate it if i never had to see anyone sing its praises ever again.

bye.

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: what are you actually doing Ronnie: having an orgy Ronnie: ain't you gutted you didn't stay Joe: was before Joe: however appealing or un that is Ronnie: cry to some other cunt Ronnie: I told you not to go Joe: I ain't interested in no other cunt, that's what I just said Joe: I had to, didn't I Ronnie: don't be a pussy Ronnie: you ain't gotta be a mummy's boy all your life Joe: it's christmas Joe: that's what has to be done Ronnie: and what? family's for life Ronnie: tell that to your ma Joe: you should've come Joe: it's a mess, you'd have had fun Ronnie: I don't do babies Ronnie: and I weren't invited Joe: me either Joe: and you are Joe: come now Ronnie: whoever the fuck your ma wants me to be ain't who I am Ronnie: try telling her the truth and see if I'm still given a seat Joe: you don't need to be anyone for her Ronnie: swallow your own bullshit sayings first Joe: alright so it's stupid Joe: but I need you here Ronnie: you can't have me there Joe: for fuck sake Ronnie: you want me or you wanna be her golden boy Joe: you know exactly which I want Ronnie: you think you know but one look at my tracks and fun's over baby Joe: I can have you and drugs Joe: that ain't mutually exclusive Joe: never has been Ronnie: you can't have fuck all around your family Ronnie: a uni degree and a 9-5 is your lot babe Joe: they'd not even notice Joe: baby central, yeah Ronnie: they'd notice me Joe: we could find out Ronnie: don't Joe: alright Joe: fine Ronnie: it's not all about you Ronnie: selfish prick Joe: I know you don't wanna be here Ronnie: then don't fucking ask me Joe: I know what I am Ronnie: you know who I am Ronnie: you're wasting your own time Joe: yeah Joe: and you know I don't care Ronnie: that's why you're there pissing away the day, yeah? Joe: what do you suggest? Joe: taken every pharmaceutical I could get into the country Ronnie: leave the country Ronnie: grow a fucking pair mckenna Joe: on xmas day yeah Joe: called a fantasy play the game Ronnie: you want me to show up Ronnie: why the fuck can't you? Joe: selfish prick Ronnie: I don't pretend to be anything else Joe: no, me Ronnie: it comes out of your mouth so easy for me Ronnie: just tell 'em Joe: tell 'em what Joe: I don't wanna see you no more Joe: bye Ronnie: any of the ugly truth will make her not wanna see you no more Ronnie: it don't take much Ronnie: pushed me out of her and right away, like Joe: that wasn't about you, was it Joe: selfish runs in the genes Ronnie: not deep enough when it comes to you Ronnie: you're fucking soft mckenna Ronnie: that your da's fault, yeah? Joe: yeah, you should be the favourite, we both know it but ain't gonna wish it on you Ronnie: nah she should've swallowed or got scraped Ronnie: did the next best though Joe: you want me to say lucky you so you can hate me for being privileged and ignorant Joe: I'll do it for you Ronnie: such a people pleaser Joe: you know it Ronnie: call me when you're ready to shatter your wine glass and put the pieces in your mouth Joe: you dare me? Ronnie: I'm not playing games here Joe: come on Joe: get your paper hat on Ronnie: you want me to get on some old bloke's knee too or is that where the fantasy ends? Joe: not got any grandparents Joe: sorry Ronnie: shame Joe: isn't it just Ronnie: but we don't have to let it die 'cause you're a letdown Ronnie: I know loads of old men Ronnie: some of 'em have gotta still be alive Joe: 🤞 the holiday blues haven't claimed them Ronnie: yeah 'cause you wanna be special Joe: but I am Joe: if I cared about it I'd say no old cunts Ronnie: I'll lick your brains off the wall when you pull the trigger baby, how's that? Joe: Better than Courtney, babe Ronnie: the bar ain't high then Joe: she might've pulled the trigger Joe: don't you want that? Ronnie: you know what I want Joe: you know what I can't give you today Ronnie: yeah and I know that's your fucking fault Joe: didn't ask for jesus to be born Joe: or for me to into this family Ronnie: stop having a tantrum and come back Joe: tomorrow Ronnie: today Joe: didn't drive Joe: what flight am i getting on christmas Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: I can't hack it Ronnie: drop a baby they'll kick you out faster than you can say merry christmas Ronnie: especially if it's one of your brother's Ronnie: gonna have limited brain cells as it is Joe: 😂 Joe: that would require picking one up and nah Joe: nope Ronnie: you've touched worse Joe: I don't know Joe: it's weird Joe: fucked Ronnie: they're just little bags of meat and bone Ronnie: get a fucking grip Joe: says you Joe: you ain't here Ronnie: for me it ain't about nothing but resisting the urge to shake 'em and how I don't reckon I've got that in me Ronnie: one of many negative impulses I fight or don't on the daily like Joe: like you said, be a kindness really Joe: they're all just pretending it's a good thing when it clearly ain't Joe: not got the energy Ronnie: jail ain't gonna be that for me Ronnie: and like I also said you ain't the only selfish prick that bitch spawned Ronnie: they don't know a good thing they ain't tried it Ronnie: shoot 'em up it'll be a decent christmas for everyone Joe: you've not got room for the gang tats Joe: I get it Joe: oddly enough I've not got 💉 on my prescription Ronnie: baby I'm nobody's bitch but 💉 Ronnie: and we're exclusive 💍 Joe: you wish Joe: making do every other time Ronnie: don't fucking remind me Joe: miss those student loans Ronnie: I'm gonna miss being a christmas temp Joe: not just for the lap sitting priviledges Joe: yeah Ronnie: knew you were into it Joe: just miss you Ronnie: don't say shit like that Joe: whatever Ronnie: I mean it, it hurts Joe: I'm sorry Joe: if I could go back and not find you Joe: I know I should Joe: I wouldn't but established Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah Joe: I know Ronnie: nah you fucking don't Joe: you reckon Ronnie: I said it Ronnie: you're the cunt saying shit you don't mean Joe: no I'm not Joe: just 'cos you don't need to hear it don't mean it ain't real Joe: it is, that's the issue yeah Ronnie: tell it to your ma Ronnie: well full of it Joe: why would I Joe: not trying to convince you of anything here Joe: it is what it is Joe: however fucked Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: yeah love you and all Ronnie: if you did you wouldn't have left Joe: ever Ronnie: shut up Ronnie: you're not funny mckenna none of you lot are Joe: who's trying to be funny Joe: what do you want from me Ronnie: you're a fucking joke either way babe Joe: make up your mind Joe: glad I amuse you now, apparently Joe: one of us should be having a good time Ronnie: laugh or cry, yeah? Joe: goes something like that Joe: could go full newborn and do a puke shit cry combo Joe: why not Ronnie: if you're rattling hard enough, anything's possible Joe: getting by Joe: making do is never the same as previously lamented but not gonna start convulsing in my plate Ronnie: shame Joe: 💘 Joe: dunno how you reckon on me ruining christmas Joe: sister just became a teen mum Ronnie: it's an od or a run out take your pick baby Ronnie: both have worked for me Ronnie: you say that like its not a badge of honor who wouldnt wanna follow in your ma's footsteps, like Ronnie: if she starts dealing too give her my number Joe: ha, I forgot to tell you Joe: there's one here already Ronnie: if you wanted me there you should have led with that Joe: I know right Joe: no one tells me anything Joe: you'd like him Joe: purely 'cos she hates him Ronnie: you don't tell me anything Ronnie: too late to ruin christmas now Joe: I know you'd be here if you wanted that more than you don't wanna be here Joe: but don't worry, atmosphere is awkward enough regardless Ronnie: could still show up for your brother's big birthday Ronnie: freckles is a no go but he's old enough now to be on the table Ronnie: work my way through by new years, yeah? Joe: hilarious, babe Ronnie: not joking babe Ronnie: fucking the dealer won't make enough of a splash Joe: you do know they know you're related, yeah Joe: even if he weren't gay Ronnie: didn't stop you Ronnie: and being a massive homo ain't ever stopped Charlie Joe: we all do trauma different don't we Ronnie: if you want some therapy for christmas we can roleplay that shit Joe: why would i settle for that when i've got drugs and you Ronnie: saying that ain't gonna make me not hate you Joe: good Joe: hate me Joe: don't be an idiot like everyone else Ronnie: baby brain ain't gonna be a thing over here Ronnie: 💔 Joe: my deepest sympathies Joe: can't say I'm sharing in your 💔 though Ronnie: when have I ever used an emoji meaningfully Ronnie: not a fucking kid Joe: damn Joe: I really thought you meant those 😍 Joe: 💔 Ronnie: fuck off Joe: 😂 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: count how many glasses you've had Joe: is that an OCD joke Joe: you're on 🔥 today girl Ronnie: you wish no lighters at the table baby Joe: Charlie really sticking to those rules hard Joe: how are you gonna light the pudding? Ronnie: afters ain't like that round here Ronnie: 💉💊🚬 Joe: it's minging Ronnie: you love it then, all the pain, like Joe: don't reckon we've actually got one either Joe: how passive-aggressive of them Ronnie: ma keeps bringing the disappointments, yeah? Ronnie: reckon your brother's golden boy now he's sprogged up Joe: I wish Joe: marginally less of a disgrace than Ali Joe: but still Ronnie: your sister is gifting those flashbacks for christmas Joe: Truly Joe: poor kid Ronnie: she should've picked a white lad Ronnie: calm your ma right down Joe: maybe next time Joe: 2nd time's a charm, eh Ronnie: yeah Joe: have you ever been knocked up Ronnie: could probably have got a freebie down the clinic how often I've been down to get rid Ronnie: none of 'em were yours though you can relax Joe: god bless the nhs Ronnie: you ever knocked anyone up? Joe: not to abortion stage Joe: just had to get plan b Joe: as far as I know, anyway Ronnie: cute Joe: thanks 💕 Joe: ours wouldn't be so thank fuck Ronnie: that kinda shit passes for a date for us scousers 💋 Ronnie: you don't want a kid with gills or two heads? Joe: hot Joe: least you could see what was up with it Joe: but 👶💀 Ronnie: can't and won't happen Ronnie: you'd have to fuck your fertile sister Joe: we can pretend that's why I like you Ronnie: you like me 'cause I'll always find a vein for you Ronnie: what else is there Joe: what ain't there Ronnie: 👶🍼 Joe: exactly Joe: one of the main things I look for Ronnie: are you on one knee right now or what? Joe: get you a rock worth having Joe: how's that for a proposal Ronnie: I don't trust it but I'll take it Joe: why not Joe: got that christmas cash Joe: not gonna waste it Ronnie: why would you wanna share with me, selfish prick from your own mouth, like Joe: 'cos getting high together is better Joe: deny it Ronnie: you know I can't Joe: gonna be a white christmas Joe: no need to trust just see Ronnie: when Joe: tomorrow Ronnie: don't fucking lie Joe: I ain't Ronnie: swear Ronnie: swear they ain't gonna guilt you into staying Joe: swear Joe: they ain't gonna even try Ronnie: make sure they let you on that flight Joe: 'course Joe: I'm totally legally medicated rn Ronnie: you're also a pussy Ronnie: bet all the younger siblings have drunk you under the table Joe: you're not wrong that lots of them pride themselves in their light alcoholism Ronnie: whatever gets 'em through the day, yeah? Joe: can't judge really Joe: not with a 💉 sticking out my arm Ronnie: that's tomorrow Ronnie: today anything goes baby Joe: I'll be the one to dish out the home truths Joe: that'd be unexpected Ronnie: someone's gotta your ma will be too busy trying to chuck the babies out Joe: playing hostess with the mostest 'cos can't keep playing the boy when she's got two kids here knocked up Joe: his ma is well smug 😂 Joe: *blaming Ronnie: one of us is having fun then Joe: take the small victories, ms cavante Ronnie: if she's not gonna kick your ma in the tits it'll have to do Joe: wish on a 🌠 baby Ronnie: I've got bad luck or no luck baby Ronnie: that shit don't work Joe: you won't care come tomorrow Ronnie: I don't care now Joe: see? Joe: lucky Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: seriously Joe: my head is Ronnie: I know Ronnie: mine screams too but I go louder Joe: I can't do anything in here Joe: need to go outside and none of those other bastards better take their 🚬 break 'til I'm done Ronnie: if you didn't give so much of a fuck you could do anything Ronnie: that's why I can't show up to your family christmas, you ain't ready mckenna Joe: just shut up alright Joe: let me fucking think Ronnie: you ain't keith richards how many more years of me do you need to stop having such a limp dick Ronnie: every junkie is on borrowed time Joe: you really thought you were gonna fix me Joe: come on now Joe: you're better than that Ronnie: I'm not better than anything Ronnie: lowest of the low baby Joe: then what Ronnie: you want answers from me? you're better than that Joe: no Joe: what the fuck are you doing Joe: you're the one wasting your borrowed time Ronnie: what, you're the only cunt who gets to hide from family christmas? Ronnie: I'm sick and they're sick of me Joe: I don't mean just today and you know it Ronnie: I don't give a fuck what you mean and you know it Joe: it's been years Ronnie: you want out, get out Joe: I don't Joe: but I'm the one with the limp dick Ronnie: yeah Joe: that's what I thought Ronnie: you think too much babe Joe: no shit Joe: don't wanna play therapy, thanks Ronnie: what do you wanna play then? Joe: you're sick, I'm sick Ronnie: no game Ronnie: it's how shit is Joe: fun never stops, babe Ronnie: if your idea of fun is making me wanna top myself, soft lad Joe: you can't Joe: you've gotta lick it up after Ronnie: can't I? race yous Joe: wait 'til I'm there Joe: don't ruin their day any more Ronnie: I'm already waiting for you to decide you wanna come back and be scum of the fucking earth with me again Joe: it ain't a choice to be made or not Joe: it's how shit is Ronnie: you made loads of choices to get there Ronnie: plane rides to dublin don't just happen Joe: basically Ronnie: pathetic Joe: yeah Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: don't agree with me Joe: disagreeing ain't gonna change that I'm here now Ronnie: you don't wanna change it Ronnie: you love it Joe: yep Joe: big time Joe: fucking hell Ronnie: you've got such a misery hard on, you shouldn't be near kids Joe: why don't you hit them up Joe: let them know Ronnie: you're the only cunt with their mummy on speed dial Joe: alright well I ain't up for telling everyone I'm a predator Ronnie: do you wanna fuck her too or what? Joe: do you? Ronnie: nah Ronnie: why I don't come running every time someone in your family blows their nose or whatever the fuck Joe: me either Joe: it's christmas fucking day Joe: how many times Ronnie: like this is the first and only time Ronnie: but I'm crazy, yeah Joe: you are Joe: you're nuts Ronnie: don't forget it Ronnie: I'll be crazier by tomorrow Joe: promises promises Ronnie: I promise I'll ruin your fucking life, prick Joe: oh honey Joe: that's not a brag Joe: not hard is it Ronnie: you ain't talking to fitz baby I don't brag Joe: you can't Ronnie: you think you can tell me what I can and can't do Joe: don't take it personal Joe: try it Ronnie: don't take it personal when I kick the shit out of you mckenna Joe: how can I not when I love it so much Joe: think on Ronnie: 'cause I still love you 😍💋💘 Joe: s'alright baby, the way I wanna go out Joe: 💀💀💀 Ronnie: call me when you've stopped pleasuring your ma, I'll make it happen for you Joe: so understanding all of a sudden Joe: who's got your phone Ronnie: fuck off Joe: there she is Ronnie: what now you miss me? Ronnie: running late there baby Joe: I already told you I did Joe: you said I weren't allowed no more Ronnie: I said don't tell me Ronnie: I can't handle hearing it if it don't change a fucking thing Joe: alright Joe: but it changes a fucking lot Joe: you know Joe: not just for you Joe: I promise I'm really fucked from it Ronnie: yeah? Ronnie: so stop fucking around and come back to me Ronnie: first chance you get Ronnie: 'cause it's shit Joe: I know, I really know Joe: you've got no reason to believe me but you will see me tomorrow Joe: regardless of what any of them have gotta say on it Joe: never wanted to be here so not prolonging it Ronnie: I wanna believe you Ronnie: don't fuck me over twat Joe: I won't Joe: fuck myself over too Joe: time to start being fully selfish prick, yeah Joe: there's enough going on now, don't need me Ronnie: tell the truth that you're threatened by the off their tits 18 year olds that birthday boy will be surrounded by Ronnie: got more game than you Joe: yeah Joe: not the one chatting about fucking the barely legals Joe: but sure Ronnie: you would if they'd give you the time of day mckenna Ronnie: come on Ronnie: one day in dublin turned you into an old dried up nun? Joe: I dunno, I've not scoped out the guestlist that hard Joe: unlike my brother, girls I've known since they were kids don't do it for me, what can I say? Ronnie: blood relatives only like Joe: only when they're you Ronnie: such a lost fucking cause Joe: don't worry, was before you Joe: not gotta add that to the tally Ronnie: our safe word can be trauma bonding Ronnie: loads in common Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're alright Joe: when you're not a total raging bitch Ronnie: never then Ronnie: what am I when I'm a raging bitch? Joe: for me Ronnie: you sure you don't wanna party with the homos babe? that was proper gay Joe: fuck off Ronnie: write me a symphony next, yeah? Joe: and I'm the gay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: don't get an attitude 'cause I've fucked more lasses than you Joe: still time Joe: not as old as you Ronnie: you wanna make it to that age or what? careful how you talk to me Joe: wow, just like having a nan Joe: cheers babe Ronnie: fuck you Joe: 💘 Ronnie: we all know if you had a nan you'd wanna fuck her too Ronnie: step outside the family baby you might enjoy yourself Joe: doubt it Joe: do have one technically but she ain't all that Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you need the scouse accent to get it up, yeah? Joe: you or the beatles ain't it Ronnie: that was mildly funny calm down Joe: steady on Joe: might think you like me Ronnie: won't last Ronnie: due a mood swing in like 2 seconds Joe: s'alright Joe: all 23 of you love me Ronnie: 😂😍 here 'course Joe: yeah, never trusting your emojis again Joe: need photographic evidence, like Ronnie: [sends it cos that bitch but imagine her actual grumpy cat face bye] Ronnie: in proper stitches, alright Joe: should play poker pro Joe: you're too cute though, never believe that face is 21 or over Ronnie: call me cute again and I'll carve it into your chest Ronnie: capital letters Joe: [sends voice memo] Ronnie: I proper fucking hate you Joe: you knew I'd wanna so you clearly want to as well Joe: don't blame me you sadist Ronnie: you know what I want mckenna Ronnie: we ain't got a secret santa going Joe: take these socks back Ronnie: you'll wanna keep 'em for your misery boner babe Joe: you've not got me an escort then Joe: gutting Ronnie: crazy, remember? you could fuck her but I'd have to kill her Joe: alright, I'll keep your charges at manslaughter level Joe: for you Ronnie: 💋 Joe: when do you next have a shift or are you done fully now Ronnie: tomorrow but that ain't happening if you've meant a word you said Joe: I'll make it worth it Ronnie: not hard to beat out retail when there's sales on Ronnie: wouldn't have gone if you were here or not Joe: don't tell me that Joe: I was talking 💸 not the #experience Ronnie: you wanna be my daddy too now? these roleplays are getting hard to keep count of Joe: again, thinking how much gear I'm gonna get but you can pout about it if you wanna Joe: already earned the scars so I don't mind saying it again Ronnie: rain man ain't a fantasy, gutted for you, like Ronnie: doing my best here Joe: you do it well Joe: smarter than everyone I know Ronnie: the princess will be gutted Joe: you don't have to tell her, like Joe: but not too fussed Ronnie: no secrets among scumbags baby Ronnie: even if she reckons she's levelled up Joe: you don't? Ronnie: anyone can drop a sprog Ronnie: trap a lad Ronnie: didn't saint your ma, did it? Joe: nah Joe: just don't reckon she was ever really one of us Joe: surprised if you do Ronnie: she wouldn't fight it so hard if she weren't Joe: I dunno Ronnie: I do, seen it loads Ronnie: gutters such a good fit it scares her shitless so she's gotta cling to that poor cunt Ronnie: he's her life raft through the shit Joe: hardly dragging him down though, is she Joe: not gonna be complaining any time soon, I've seen a lifetime of that Ronnie: everybody needs a fix that's theirs Joe: guess so Joe: no sign of getting over it any time soon Ronnie: I'm more likely to get clean before she does of him and I've got a nosebleed from all the shit B's ground up to stop me puking up Charlie's christmas feast Ronnie: sent my boss a pic though so it ain't all 💔 Joe: ☁ Joe: so glass half-full you, baby Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: can't be trusted with an empty one Joe: why are you the only one who talks any sense Joe: least all they're chatting is just waves now Ronnie: I pay attention Ronnie: you'd have broke your rules and 💘 me as a kid babe Joe: yeah? Joe: charlie's told me stories but never fully know what's bullshit or at the least exaggeration with him Ronnie: a solid 85% at least Ronnie: I was fucking feral though he's got that coined right Ronnie: you think I'm crazy now this shit's nothing Joe: I should've known you Ronnie: everyone who touched me back then has got a bite mark out of them Ronnie: you wouldn't have made it Joe: nah Joe: shit was different then Joe: so was I Ronnie: still gonna have been too soft whenever Joe: not the point though is it Joe: she should've got bitten Ronnie: she should've done loads of things Ronnie: she didn't Joe: I know Joe: fucked Ronnie: you won't give a shit tomorrow Joe: well Joe: be too numb to chat about it and think about it Joe: good as Ronnie: deal with it til then Joe: 🤐 got it Ronnie: unless you wanna bite your ma yourself like Ronnie: whatever gets you off Joe: you too Ronnie: cheers Ronnie: swallowing too much blood to fit in a dick but I'll try again later Joe: are you alright? Joe: where are the lads Ronnie: don't cry Ronnie: they're enjoying the show Ronnie: it ain't christmas til someone bleeds, pukes or pisses themselves Ronnie: can't give 'em the other two I ain't a pussy 💔 Joe: adorable, some would say Joe: is it really so much to ask that they keep you alive 'til I'm back Ronnie: relax I've had heavier periods Ronnie: you'll have to kill me yourself Joe: be fun trying Joe: challenge accepted Ronnie: hot Joe: don't forget it Ronnie: not gonna black out this shit ain't working that hard Joe: good Joe: call me needy all you want just don't go Ronnie: if I wanted to take the piss I could better than that Joe: not that gone either Ronnie: what are you on? Ronnie: 🍾 Joe: and my meds Joe: managed to get some extra 'cos I'm terrified of flying, obvs Ronnie: you're the one who's gonna die before you get here Ronnie: basically sober Ronnie: baby that's fucked Joe: I know Joe: options are limited Joe: not like I can go in on whatever anyone else is having when one lot is off the coke and the others are off the psychedelics Joe: fucking babies Ronnie: I mean, you could suck on the princess' tits but that ain't gonna give you what you really need Ronnie: talk to the dealer at your table, he's a baby too but he'll be holding something Joe: she's not got 3 Joe: and shut up Joe: though the latter isn't a terrible idea Joe: like you said, not gonna have anything good enough but Ronnie: I know, she weren't fully clothed for the 3way Joe: what part of shut up don't you get Ronnie: make me bitch Joe: such a twat you Ronnie: stop being a little fucking girl Joe: stop chatting about bullshit for a reaction Ronnie: you wanted me to stay Joe: yeah Joe: don't need to talk about that Ronnie: what then Ronnie: how much you love me Joe: anything but that Joe: literally Ronnie: I've plugged the 🩸 you can dry your eyes Joe: good Joe: don't be wasting it on something so lame Ronnie: you reckon that's lame I'm gonna have to eat the 💊 like it's the fucking 90s Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: very retro Joe: see what throwbacks I can get from this kid too Joe: be a party Ronnie: get your brother some poppers for his birthday Joe: probably be appreciated Joe: hence I won't Joe: chuck the obligatory tenner his way Ronnie: 🌈🙌 Joe: 😬 Ronnie: such a prude joseph Joe: you didn't have to live with them/partially raise them Joe: not something I wanna think about and they insist on making me constantly, pretty much Ronnie: didn't get to, you mean Ronnie: we're all 💔 babe Joe: you can revel in how much of a blessing it is on that score with your commiseration toast Ronnie: yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: now we're finishing each other sentences 💘😍 Joe: christ 😂 Joe: oh Joe: you know uni sophie is engaged now Joe: wanna go if they make it down the aisle? Ronnie: I really fucking do Ronnie: did I miss her engagement party? Joe: dunno actually Joe: I'll actually ask next time she tries to talk Joe: bet she's missed you almost as much as me Ronnie: ask her now she'll have wished you merry christmas Joe: how'd you know? Joe: hacked my accounts Joe: hot Ronnie: I could but don't need to Ronnie: a 💍 don't mean she ain't still 😍💘 for you mckenna Joe: still only human, after-all Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: awh come on Joe: you know you wanna see 'em all in their festive jumpers Joe: [sends post] Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: she one of your plan b girls like, she's got fat enough that you might wanna check she swallowed it Joe: ugh no Joe: any plan b baby of mine would be toddling by now Ronnie: reassuring Joe: if you want 99% on that front I'll sweep the old friends list Joe: make sure they've got no offspring with the 👂s Ronnie: you reckon I haven't Ronnie: living with such a computer whizz Joe: true Joe: his talents are probably better spent getting free netflix Ronnie: way ahead of you Joe: boxsets are what the season is really about Ronnie: gutted you ain't here, yeah? Joe: yeah Ronnie: you'll be back in time for the finale where the korean robots stop fighting to the death long enough to save the world or whatever the fuck Joe: 😂 Joe: can't wait Ronnie: 'course not Ronnie: edge of your seat shit Joe: do you ever think about going back Joe: to liverpool Ronnie: for what? Ronnie: am I losing the accent? 💔 Joe: not as bad as I have Joe: I dunno Ronnie: no fucker there I wanna see Ronnie: you'll have to do the mckenna childhood ghost tour on your own Joe: come on Joe: gear must be good Joe: fuss they made about it Ronnie: it's decent here Ronnie: take another swing babe Joe: cheaper there Joe: everything, like Ronnie: you know how to get freebies Joe: fine Ronnie: I'm not gonna play house with you in that shithole, shut the fuck up Joe: I said fine Joe: jesus Ronnie: couldn't hear it through your tears like Joe: piss off Joe: it ain't about you Ronnie: you asked me if I wanted to go back Ronnie: I ain't stopping you Joe: can't anyway Joe: doubt their orchestra pays as well Joe: assuming there is one Ronnie: if everything's cheaper they don't need to Joe: whatever Joe: be a stupid thing to do regardless Ronnie: and you never do anything stupid, yeah? Joe: it's the one area of my life I don't Joe: yeah Ronnie: don't be a prick Ronnie: you know you could join the philharmonic Joe: I ain't going Joe: forget about it Ronnie: fine Joe: funny Ronnie: feels like shit don't it, getting one back Ronnie: just 'cause you're surrounded by sprongs don't mean you can't use your words Joe: you don't wanna go, there's nowt else to say Ronnie: it ain't about me Ronnie: you forgot you just said that already? Joe: doesn't mean I wanna go without you Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: you can find another girl to shoot you up babe Joe: if you're gonna chat shit don't bother Joe: I love you Ronnie: give yourself a gift and hate me Joe: If I could, it'd have been on sight Joe: it's not like you charmed your way into my 💘 Ronnie: nah I injected myself into your veins Joe: don't give away your secrets Ronnie: not to shit on your christmas but it's only a secret for that lot where you are Joe: worst kept Ronnie: why keep it then? Joe: why announce it? Ronnie: you reckon she should get bitten, that'd do it Joe: 🥂 gather round fam Joe: they'd not believe it Joe: find a way to laugh it off, ignore the obvious Ronnie: roll up your sleeve, they can't fucking ignore that Joe: I'm pissing off mid-festivities Joe: that'll do it Ronnie: pussy Joe: what's it matter to you Ronnie: fuck you Joe: I mean it Joe: I'm coming back Ronnie: and that's all I give a shit about, yeah? Joe: obviously not Joe: but it makes no odds to you if I ruin their lives or not Ronnie: you're a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: but why specifically Ronnie: why the fuck do you think Joe: you want me to pick you Joe: to burn it all to the ground for them Joe: it ain't enough all the ways I've already done both Ronnie: you want me to be happy that you've had your cake and ate it Ronnie: nah, I hope you fucking choke baby Joe: I'll try my best Joe: I can't go back and make her keep you, there's shit I can do Ronnie: I don't want her, I want you Joe: it's been four fucking years Joe: you have me Joe: fucking Joe: I'd die without you Joe: I could get clean before I could leave you Ronnie: you did leave Joe: okay Joe: I did Joe: I left Ronnie: and they want you to stay Ronnie: these pricks want the princess here over me Joe: baby Joe: they want you Joe: they just need a chance to miss you, it's all it is Joe: we can go somewhere Joe: anywhere Ronnie: I'm fucking off to yours Ronnie: after that wherever Joe: I promise Joe: wherever you wanna Joe: and for how long Ronnie: wherever you want Ronnie: I don't give a shit Joe: it don't matter Joe: I just need to see you Ronnie: yeah Joe: you know I want you don't you Ronnie: show me when you drag your arse back here Joe: of course Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: it's like walking through a ghost town, you'd have such a boner if you were here Joe: shame Joe: is the cat there Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: singing carols for me Joe: she's talented Ronnie: shame I ain't a pushy stage ma Joe: why live vicariously when you can be a double-act babe Ronnie: you're not funny mckenna Joe: s'okay Joe: won't insist on being the warm-up Joe: not that kinda dad Ronnie: you need the practice though Joe: have to write my set on the plane Joe: impress you Ronnie: give you something to do besides cry and touch yourself Joe: not flying first Joe: or business even Joe: no blanket, no tissues Joe: 😿 Ronnie: poor baby Joe: I know Joe: tragedy Ronnie: I'm not doing the dance moves, like Ronnie: keep dreaming Joe: 💔 Joe: send me a video of your duet at least then Ronnie: [imagine that sassy cat please] Joe: I miss her Joe: shame she'd probably gouge our eyes out if we tried to take her with Ronnie: so will I but that ain't ever turned you off Joe: no one's going to ring RSPCA if they see me kidnapping you Ronnie: childline maybe Ronnie: I ain't forgot you said I had a fucking 👶 face you twat Joe: 😂 Joe: true Joe: but I'm banking on you being that offended you'll sort 'em out, like Ronnie: and you Joe: 💘 Joe: banking on that too Ronnie: 🖕💋 Ronnie: brb calling Briggs for a full face tat before you show up Joe: if you don't wanna kiss that bad, just say Ronnie: shut up Joe: so what's it to be Joe: spiders web Joe: skull Ronnie: see what the genius comes up with Joe: I look forward to the big reveal Ronnie: what time's your flight? Joe: [some ungodly AM 'cos xmas madness] Ronnie: fuck Joe: don't worry Joe: won't wake you Ronnie: all these pills will probably keep me up Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: n'awh, you wanna wait up for me Joe: how sweet 😏 Ronnie: kill yourself Ronnie: you've got more of my attention than korean death robots, calm down Ronnie: it's not a brag babe Joe: isn't it Joe: it's pretty epic if Bronson's livetweets are anything to go by Ronnie: it's the pills talking Joe: 😂 Joe: never have that affect on you 💔 Ronnie: deal with it Ronnie: I ain't gonna clean your flat, like Joe: probably enabling that, if you think about it Joe: so caring, babe Ronnie: how late did you leave packing there's shit everywhere Joe: I didn't Joe: only needed what I've got on Joe: got their presents in town Joe: easy Ronnie: you fucking knew you were gonna come straight back and still wanted me to beg Ronnie: maybe you ain't as soft as you were Joe: wanted makes it sound like I planned any part of it Joe: I knew I was coming back 'cos today was all I could stand Joe: being here, not being there Ronnie: don't ruin the fantasy Joe: poor baby Ronnie: yeah I am Ronnie: climbing the fucking walls here Joe: you or sid Ronnie: me and her Joe: babies Joe: what can I do Joe: need something to do Ronnie: do me Joe: alright Joe: call me Ronnie: [obviously does so we can end it there]

Karen 3.10

I wanna talk how I dont for a second really blame Karen about Kevin´s death. And I get WHY she blames herself and it makes sense to the character and the show storyline but for me, she needs to forgive herself and I TRULY HOPE MATT (and Foggy) will help on that!

* So, Karen is 19 years old and Kevin was 16... in the dinner scene she mentions “This place has been going down for YEARS” , that makes me think that her mother had been dead for 2 years or so... meaning that she was 16, or 17 then and Kevin was like 14,,, I can see a 16 years old girl so HURT AND ANGRY because her mother was gone but instead of having the HELP AND SUPPORT from her father... He could just NOT SEE his children´s needs, he could only see his pain and his suffering, he was that selfish.

So KAREN had to be the mom, she had to take care of her little brother AND HER FATHER with mom gone... a teenager, with emotional problems of her own but she didnt have time or NO ONE to take care of those.

“Mom used to do everything around here...NOW I HAVE TO...”

She had to take care of EVERYTHING... again, we are talking about a girl from 16/17 to 19 years old..! - and you can see in the episode that her father puts ALOT of pressure on her, and HOW the job is done. He is not just ok with her doing, it had to be done perfectly or like HE wanted it,

She had to give up on HER DREAMS, on what SHE WANTED for her life and future! 

She would GIVE HERSELF UP for her family, or what it was left of it...

She couldnt just LEAVE THEM... she wouldnt.

Also I believe because her brother was young and if she left, would her father man up and take care of him? or would he do to Kevin what HE DID TO KAREN when she was 16? - She was too nice, too affraid to leave as a question, she would not leave her baby brother with her selfish father.

 A FATHER that not only couldnt see her pain, her struggles or her brothers OR HIS FREAKING WIFE´s true dreams and wishes, he could not freaking see ANYONE BUT HIMSELF? Talk to me about being blind... BUT he was actually was incredible rude and INSENSITIVE towards Karen... sexist if I have to say... she was a girl, so SHE DIDNT HAVE A SAY even if SHE TOOK CARE OF THE WHOLE PLACE..!!!

And this part of the scene MAKES ME SO ANGRY,,,

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS PIECE OF SH*T!!!???? - He not only ignores his daughters wishes, overworkers and makes her responsable of taking care of her little brother AND THE WHOLE PLACE... He buys shit they cant afford and PRETENDS FOR HER TO FIX IT... its also HER JOB to fix his FREAKING POOR DECISIONS!!! 

You can totally see the anger, the frustration in all over her face...she wants to scream, she wants to run for her life but she cant. she wont.

She was  A KID, being mistreated, being ABUSED by her father... she didnt want that for her life, she wanted to leave, she hated that small town but she couldnt , SHE WAS TRAPPED THERE. so whats the most common way of teenager to act out? Yeah, seeing bad boys and doing drugs... can you blame her? I feel soffocated just thinking about her situation!

- The ACCIDENT...

She finally stood up for herself, she spoke her truth, her mothers truth  and her sweet little brother did something as STUPID as burning  your sister´s drug dealer boyfriend´s trailer and STAY THERE FOR HIM TO FIND YOU...

She even shots her boyfriend TO SAVE her brother Kevin! - She was scared and nervous and SHE NEEDED TO GET  OUT OF THERE... Yeah, not being sober, CLEARLY didn help but what OPTIONS did she really had? - Would have she acted DIFFERENT if she WAS SOBER?

This is heartbreaking, poor Kevin... but She Would NOT JUST LEAVE... She was not about to do it. She was going to FIX IT. She always does. 

and SHE DOES NOT ABANDON THE PEOPLE SHE LOVES (MATT)

 In my eyes, EVERYTHING that happened was just circumtastial ...  Her dad was an IDIOT, his actions, his abuse behavior towards her made her take poor decisions as taking drugs, her sweet brother as an INTENT to protect her / saver her made a stupid MISTAKE too, her dick boyfriend was to freaking KILL her brother... all of that, was not on her! - Taking drugs that night, driving the care... yeah, maybe but...

what Kevin said “Ive already lost mom” ,,,bringing up their dead mom to this whole mess... she CLEARLY was not over her death, neither was Kevin (they clearly didnt have HELP on dealing with it, thanks to their father!). So bringing her up, saying that , it really was a stab in Karen´s heart... it was split of second, it was ONE FUCKING SECOND and it all went down.

My big question is... was it really her fault? and even, was it really about the drugs? 

I feel that could have happened WITHOUT the drugs being involve perfectly. 

Its not like she was drugged and went straight to a tree or another car or something... He said SOMETHING PAINFUL, and she got distracted, one second with her eyes out of the road and that was it. 

I fee that could have happened to a SOBER person. 

Maybe just me, but I dont really blame her AT ALL ... And I understand why she feels guilty, because she didnt leave because of guilt but when she says “I killed him” or even putting it next to killing Wesley sounds a bit much to me.

This annoys the hell out of me too...

Her asshole of father, BLAMES HER and even bring up her mother, trying to make her feel EVEN WORSE... 

And no, let me tell ya... if her mother was alive, Karen wouldnt have gotten into drugs in the first place, and Kevin wouldnt have try to PROTECT HER... so yeah, if they had a REAL GOOD PARENT, none of that would have happened!

If her father could take his head out of his ass and instead of seeing HIS NEEDS AND HIS PAIN only but actually comfort his kids and be a good guide and support system to them, Kevin would be alive and they would still be a family. -

If Kevin didnt die, Karen would probably still be in that damn town or dead herself.

So in that moment he kicks her ,,, He was still angry, needed time to process everything... 

But NO, even 14 YEARS LATER... 14 LONG YEARS, he still does not take one piece of responsability for what happened... he STILL blames it all on her!

 and only that, he doesnt give a shit if she almost died, or if she is still in danger,  BUT HE ACTUALLY MAKES SURE to make her feel guilty, small and bad...

“Its what you do, Karen”

Oh boy, I wanna punch him!

and Then people say she was reckless in going to see FISK, SHE COULDNT CARE ABOUT HER LIFE! - She lost Matt, her job, Ellison, she felt guilty about the bulletin shoot and her FATHER MADE SURE she believe it was all her fault, Because thats she does... she is a “bad person” that only brings misery to this world... would she let Fisk kill more innocent people or get to Matt or Foggy..? NO. of course NOT, even if she had to die trying.

Anyways, I HATE HER FATHER... Didnt you notice?

Im just happy she has MATT and Foggy in her life. They love her and care for her and know who SHE REALLY IS!!

 THEY are her family, her home... her future husband and their best friend. WE LOVE A TRIO ! 

Girl Back Home (Jimin x You x Jungkook) // Chapter 8

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

“Who are you?”

The girl lets out a long sinister laugh.

“Me? I’m your guardian angel Hara. I’m going to help you get you precious Jiminie back,” she lets out another evil laugh and walks towards Hara with confidence, sitting in the chair opppsite her, crossing her legs.

“H-how do you know me? And why do you want to help me?”

“Tsk,” the girl crosses her arms and smirks. “How hurtful it is that you dont know me. We are going to be sisters after this and you dont know who I am?”

“Sisters?”

“Urgh you are really oblivious arent you?” The girl rolled her eyes. “I’m Chae Rin, Jungkookie’s girlfriend. Dont you read the papers? And we are going to be sisters after you marry Jimin and I will surely marry Kookie,” she smiles. Jungkook’s girlfriend? Hara cracked her brain to try and remembers. Isnt Y/N Jungkook’s girlfriend? She take a good hard look at Chae Rin’s face and something familiar starts to popped up in her mind. Right, the recent news said Jungkook and Y/N has broken up and this girl right here is his new girlfriend.

“Chae Rin?” Hara lets out a wide smile and puts out her hand for a friendly handshake. “I look forward to being sisters with you then,” she giggles. With this girl’s help,Hara is sure she can keep Y/N away from both Jimin and Jungkook. What does those two sees in a country girl like that is above her. They have two beautiful idol right here and they are still chasing after that country bumpkin Y/N. Something must be really wrong with those two. But no worries, Chae Rin and her will make them see again.

“So I’m guessing you want that bitch away from your fiancee as much as I want her away from my Kookie am I right?” Chae Rin leans forward in her chair.

“Yes of course. Jimin just broke off our engagement because of her! There is no way in hell I’m going to let her steal Jimin from me! Jimin is mine and mine alone!” Hara shrieked, making Chae Rin laugh.

“Chill out. I know how you feel,”

“But wait. Didnt Kookie and her broke up? You are his new girlfriend now arent you? Then what is your issue ?”

“He might have broken up with her, but I can tell Kookie is still pining over her. I need to get rid of her once and for all. To get her as far away as I can from Kookie,” Hara nodded at her explanation but something is bothering her. How? How are ywo girls with a packed schedule and high profile image is going to do it?

“But how Chae Rin? Do you have a plan?” Hara is curious.

“Not yet. But I have someone who can help us,” she grins.

“Help us? Who? Should we really involve more people in this?”

“Oh dont worry. He is the one who suggested this partnership to me. And ask me to reached out for you,” Chae Rin play with her nails cockily. “And you know him quite well too,”

“Know him?” Hara looks puzzled and confused. Who would volunteerily help them? And why? “Who? Who is he? And when can I meet this person?”

“Right now,” Chae Rin lets out another evil grin and the door open once again, a man standing there, smiling.

“Hello Hara,”

“Y-you?”

/////

Jungkook pulled his hat low as he leans behind the tree. He feels like a damn stalker. Come to think of it, he is a stalker. Thats is exactly what he is doing, stalking Y/N.

After he accidentally heard Jimin’s confession to Taehyung the other day about how nothing happened between him and Y/N, so many things starts to run in his mind. He realized what a huge mistake he made for jumping to conclusion and dissing Y/N just like that. Without even hearing any explanation from her he broke up with her, living her with no money, no help and no choice, all helpless on her own to go back home all the way to Busan. He even dared to showed off Chae Rin in front of her when she is obviously just a random idol he flirted with to pissed Y/N off. The boys even told him that Y/N sold all her things in order to find enough money to go back home and it kills him inside to know how much damaged he has done to her. Jungkook should have just left her alone. Happy and peaceful back at home, away from all this drama. If he did, Jimin wouldnt see her again and would have just ask for a divorce through their lawyers and if they are really fated together, Jungkook is sure they will still meet one way or another. And even if they didnt,at least Jungkook wouldnt know what being in love with and thats better than falling in love with her and all this shit happened.

Without anyone knowing, Jungkook has been secretly buying back everything that Y/N sold. Even if she hates him for the rest of eternity, the least he can do is to return back everything she has ever own. Things that are precious to her. Jungkook knows chances to be with Y/N again is slim to never, but he can atleast try to make her happy from afar.

Jungkook sighed as he leans into the tree. He has been coming back home to Busan without anyone, especially Jimin, knowing in his free time, to spy on Y/N. He wanted so much to talk to her, but he cant. Y/N slammed the door right at his face when he tried the first time after he heard Jimin’s and Taehyung’s conversation the other day and he never tried again ever since. Instead, he follows her around like a coward all day. If Y/N really wants nothing to do with him, the least he can do is to follow her to soothe down the feeling of missing her. Atleast until he figures out his next move to win her again.

/////

Hara looks at the man, the last person she would have ever imagined to help her get rid of Y/N.

“You looked surprised Hara. Didnt expect to see me I presumed?” he chuckles and take a seat besides Chae Rin.

“Y-yeah. I didnt expect this at all…” Hara avoided his eyes and takes a deep breath before looking at him again.  "Is this real? Are you really going to help us get rid of Y/N?“

"Yes of course,” he laughs. “Why else would I be here?”

“I-I dont know. I have so many questions. I’m just confused,” she fiddled with her fingers.

“Then ask me what you want to know,”

“Why are you helping me? Helping us, I mean?” She looks at Chae Rin. “I mean… isnt Jimin and Jungkook your close friend? Your brother? If they really do love Y/N like they claimed they do,wouldnt it hurt them if you get rid of Y/N? Why would you want to get rid of Y/N then?”

The man laugh at her question, looking at her and smirks.

“I can sense that you have a lot of doubt Hara. Are you sure you are willing to see Jimin get hurt when we get rid of Y/N?”

“I-I dont want to see him hurt. I really love Jimin..” she looks down for a moment before lifting her eyes up again. “But I cant lose him. I will die if I lose him. Jimin is my life. I cant imagine my world without him,”

“Tsk, this is why love is stupid,” the man laugh. “I am never one to believe in this feeling call love. I know for sure that emotions only give us problems. But those two idiots went ahead and fall in love anyway,”

“If you are not doing it for their happiness… or for love… why are you here? Helping us?” Hara starts to doubt the whole thing even more. She really doesnt want to hurt Jimin. She really sincerely loves him. She wants to get out of this deal with the minimum amount of hurt for Jimin.

“Oh Hara. Dont get me wrong. I am not doing this for your precious love for Jimin. Or for this gold digger over here,” he points to Chae Rin who just laughs.

“Hey, Jungkook is also very hot and amazing in bed,” she laughs.

“Whateter,” the man rolls his eyes. “I’m doing this because I care. I care about both Jimin and Jungkook. You are right, they are like brothers to me and that is exactly the reason why I’m doing this,”

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N is breaking our brotherhood, the band and the bond we have apart. And I cant have that. Jimin was happy with you, and Im sure he will be happy again. And Jungkook.. well, he was fine without Y/N in his life before and he will be fine again. Afterall, Chae Rin over here can help him lick his wound,” he laughs. “So believe me Hara when I said I will help. Because I’m being honest here. Its not because of you or her, its for my own selfish reason. I want my brotherhood to be intact again,”

Hara kept quiet as she digest everything that the man just said. Everything makes more sense now. She cant believe it if he said hes helping because he wants her and Jimin to be together, but now that he admits his own selfish reason, Hara knows what he said is true. There is no reason to doubt him anymore.

“Okay. I’m in,”

“Thats good to hear,” he leans back in his chair.

“So… whats the plan? Do we already have one?”

“Well, I have one. And its a good one too,” he smirks. “And I need you two to pay Y/N a visit to deliver this little news to her,”

/////

“Jimin, if thats you, go away! I changed the locks and I told you to not come here anymore!” Y/N yells out as she makes her way to the door after the excessive knocking didnt stop for a full 15 minutes. Sighing and huffing, sure that its Jimin outside, Y/N swing open the door in exhaustion, ready to give him a piece of her mind. But to her surprise, standing in front of her are two very beautiful woman, woman she recognizes and unfortunately not from a happy occasion.

“H-Hara? A-and I’m sorry I dont know your name but you are Jungkook-ssi’s girlfriend right? We met that day at the lobby,” she gave a tiny smile and bows.

“Oh wow, so sweet and polite,” Chae Rin rolls her eyes and turn to Hara. “No wonder your fiancee is in love with her,” she smirks and pushed her way inside the house, pushing Y/N to the side along the way. Hara gave Y/N a tight smile and bows back and follows Chae Rin in. Yes, she hates Y/N for stealing Jimin from her, but theres just something in her eyes that feels wrong. Its as if Y/N is deeply hurt and in pain and is just exhausted.

Y/N follows the two who already make themselves comfortable in her small living room.

“Uh… do you want some tea? I-I can go and make some,”

“No. Its fine. Just sit,” Chae Rin points a finger to Y/N and the empty chair opposite of them, and Y/N follows nervously. What are these two doing here? Why cant anyone and anything to do with Jimin and Jungkook just leave her alone?

“I’m pretty sure you know why we are here?” Chae Rin starts off.

“N-no. Not really no. But I’m guessing its something to do with Jimin and Jungkook?”

“What a smart girl she is Hara!” Chae Rin laughs sarcastically and clapped her hands and Hara just glare at her. “Why are you glaring at me for? Shes the one who stole your fiancee!”

“Shut up!” Hara sneered.

“Anyway,” Chae Rin roll her eyes at Hara’s remark. “You are right. We are here because of Jimin and Jungkook. As you already know, this beautiful lady here is Hara, Jimin’s fiancee,” she enunciate the words fiancee, just in case Y/N didnt get it. “And I am Chae Rin, Jungkook’s girlfriend. Hopefully, soon to be fiancee and wife too,” she smiles.

Y/N swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. Just a few weeks ago Jungkook was declaring his undying love for her and now he is going to marry this girl. Its true Jungkook hurts her, but Y/N cant deny that she still loves him. He loves him very much and Chae Rin’s remarks are hurting her so much.

“O-okay…”

“And we are here to tell you to leave our man alone,”

“Leave them alone?” Y/N’s brows furrowed. “But Hara, Chae Rin, I dont have anything going with them anymore. Nothing,” Y/N’s innocent wide eyes fuel the anger in Hara. How dare she denies it when she already heard the truth from Jimin’s own mouth!

“Oh yeah? Then why the hell did Jimin broke off our engagement after he came back from spending weeks in Busan?! And dont even lie to me. I know for a fact that hes here with you and he even told me himself the reason is because he is in love with you, you shameless bitch!” Hara growls.

“I-I,” Y/N was taken aback by Hara’s outburst. Jimin broke their engagement off? This is news to her. She didnt know. She really didnt. She also didnt want anything to do with Jimin anymore. “Hara I didnt know. And I swear I didnt ask him to break it off with you. In fact I ask him to go back to you. I dont want Jimin!”

“How about Jungkook then? You say you dont want Jimin. So you want Jungkook then?!” Chae Rin suddeny interfere before Hara can say anything.

“I- Jungkook and I-”

“So its true then. You do love Jungkook!” Y/N looks down, not being able to deny her feelings, which makes Chae Run boils in anger. She stood up and was about to walk towards Y/N to give her a tight slap across the face but Hara held her back.

“Control yourself Chae Rin! And remember what we are here for!” She pulls her hand back, making the angry woman sits down.

“Urghh fine! But this bitch has the nerve to tell me that she loves my Kookie. Mine!” She yells out, hands busy rummaging through her expensive handbag to take out an envelope. Chae Rin throws the envelope on the table.

“W-whats that?” Y/N, who is trembling in fear looks at them.

“That is the reason we are here. The only way to make sure you truly stay away from Jimin and Jungkook,” Chae Rin sneered.

“B-but I dont want Jimin nor Jungkook. Theres nothing between us. I swear. I swear!” Y/N trembles as she reached out for the envelope.

“It doesnt matter if you dont want anything to do with Jimin or Jungkook, Y/N. What matters is that the two of them wants you. And we are going to make sure there is nothing about you left for them to love anymore,” Chae Rin smirks. “Or even worse, we are going to make sure you stay so far away from them that they cant even reach you even if they want to,”

“W-why? Whats all this? I didnt do anything,” Y/N’s tears starts to flow out from her eyes as she reads the papers in the envelope. A law suit. A million dollars lawsuit.

“Its a law suit honey. For illegal distribution of information and blackmailing,” Chae Rin grins as Hara just kept quiet, guilt in her eyes. “Let me make it clear for you in case your simple country mind couldnt understand hmm?"she smiles sweetly. "This is a lawsuit that says you breached the contract you sign when you pretend to be Kookie’s girlfriend by providing information and pictures to the press that is not sanctioned by the company to make money. And this one,” she picks up another,“ is a lawsuit for blackmailing. You are apparently blackmailing the company to pay you a certain amount of money if they want you to stop providing the photos,”

“But I didnt do any of this!”

“Well, too bad. The PD receive information from someone that he trusts that you did,”

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?!”

“Well honey. You are free to get a lawyer if you say you didnt do it. And get a good one at that too hmm?” Chae Rin snickered.

“B-but I cant afford a lawyer. I dont even barely have enough money to even eat!”

“Well then I guess,enjoy prison!” Chae Rin laughs as she stands up, ready to leave, with Hara following behind. “Hey, at least you get free food in prison right?”

“No. Please dont. Dont do this!” Y/N chased after them to beg, getting hold of Hara’s hand.

“I’m sorry Y/N… but I cant lose Jimin. And I cant forgive you for stealing him from me,” Hara looks at Y/N softly with guilt in her eyes before walking away, but Y/N pull her hand again.

“Hara, listen to me! I didnt steal Jimin. If anything you are the one who steals him from me!” Y/N is desperate. She doesnt want Hara to find out this way. She can see how she truly loves Jimin but she has no choice.

“What do you mean?”

“Hara,” Y/N looks into her eyes. “Jimin is my husband. We have been married even before he debuted. Even before he met you,”

“W-what?”

/////

“What do you mean? There is no way Y/N would do that! No she would never!” Jungkook slammed his fist on the table,making the PD frowns at the maknae’s behavior.

“Jungkook…” he warns.

“I’m sorry PD-nim. But I have to agree with Kookie here. There is no way Y/N would sell information on us! Nor would he ever blackmail for money!” Jimin frowns. The two of them were called into the office one day, where the PD sits them down and tell them that the lawsuit has been filed and hopefully everything will be over. The news came as a shocked to the both of them. Lawsuit? Blackmailing? There is no way Y/N would do what he said she did. The two of them are sure of it. Also, they are in panic knowing Y/N is facing a lawsuit and is alone and helpless right now.

God damn it. She must be scared to death.

“I’m sorry guys but the evidence is there. All the information that the press received are information that only her and the seven of you would know. She also told them about you two being married Jimin,” he looks at Jimin with a glare. “Which is something we will have a talk on soon and Jimin, you better pray hard that the press will heed to our warning and not publish the story or all hell will break loose,”

“But its not possible,” Both Jimin and Jungkook said helplessly.

“Guys, I know you trust her. We did too. But you will be surprised to know what people will do for money hmm?” PD gave them a sympathetic look and stood up. “I need to go now. We will talk about this further,”

Jimin and Jungkook sits facing each other after the PD left. Yes, they are enemies, but they are facing a greater enemy right now. Trust. Did Y/N really did it?

“Its not possible Kookie. I have known her for so long. This is not Y/N!” Jimin huffed.

“I know hyung. I dont believe it too. Something is fishy. Real fishy,” Jungkook nodded.

“We need to get to the bottom of this. We need to help her Kookie. We cant leave her like that. This is our fault. We drag her into this,”

“I know and I regret ever bringing her here. I should habe just left her alone. What are we going to do hyung?” Jungkook looks at Jimin with fear and panics in his eyes.

“Are you two seriously thinking of ways to help Y/N after what she had done to you? Revealing information about you, blackmailing and putting our career and band in danger?” A voice leans against the door.

“Hyung! You already know about this?” Jungkook looks up.

“Then help us hyung. Y/N didnt so this. We know she didnt,” Jimin stood up,walking towards his hyung.

“How do you know for sure? She might really only be using you two for her own benefit!”

“No. I can swear on it!” Jimin shakes his head. “She didnt do it,”

“Hyung. You have to help us. Please!” Jungkook  begs.

“No! Im not going to let you two ruin your lives over her!” The two were surprised at their hyung’s answer.

“Hyung? What are you saying?” Jimin looks at him in the eye.

“Yeah hyung. What are you saying?” Jungkook marched forward, anger in his eyes. “Hyung, it doesnt matter if you help us or not, we will do anything and everything to get Y/N out of this mess. I love her and I wont let her suffer because of us!” Jungkook walks out but his hand gets pulled  back into the room.

“No. No motherfucking way! I didnt work this hard and do all this just so you two can ruin your life and crawl back to that bitch!”

“Hyung? Y-you did this?” Jimin’s eyes widened.

“You fucking did this?!” Jungkook screamed out. “Why would you?! We trusted you! You are our brother!”

“I’m sorry but one day you will know that this is for your own good. I dont care about Y/N, I only care about the two of you. And her being here is ruining everything. Cant you see? Her presence is only breaking you two, all of us, apart! We dont need her. You two were happy before her and we can be that again. We are Bangtan! We only need each other!”

Jungkook shakes his head and walks forward, gripping his hyung’s collar.

“I cant believe you of all people would do this! I was wrong about you, Namjoon-hyung,”

A/N: soooooo who had guessed it was Joonie raise your hands!

The Silence

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Rose(OC) is assigned the job of talking to Negan in his Cell.

Chapter Nine

She was Rose.

His Rose.

And he was the god damned weeds that would taint and poison every inch until there was nothing left. He knew that but it wouldn't stop him from dragging her down if that's what it took. He couldn't do this alone, she was the sun that gave him life and he was the poison that took it away. Negan was well aware of how much of a fucking psychopath that made him sound but he didn't care about that either, he only cared that she kept coming and she did. He'd been in that fucking cell for a year and for the best part of that she had been there , everyday when she could and those times when she would be too busy were hell to him.

Partly for selfish reasons and partly because he was terrified of her getting hurt.

"Happy one year, Negan." She stood there with that cheeky grin on her face and if she was anybody else he wouldn't have thought twice about throwing his shit through the bars at anybody who would say that.

"You're gonna get it. One of these days angel you're gonna regret bein' so god damned cocky."

"Oh I dunno..." She shrugged one shoulder making her hair fall into her face so that she had to sweep it behind her ear. "Have you regretted it yet? Being cocky."

"Fuck no." He laughed.

Her face went serious all of a sudden and he knew she was going into psych mode. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly?"

"Always."

"I don't even fuckin' know." He told her but she noticed the slight lift of his top lip, like a snarl and knew that if she was anybody else he would be giving them all kinds of hell.

"Do you wanna go out?" She had pity in her eyes and Negan felt that shit deep down, it snapped something in him that he had been holding back for her.

"Why? So that you can feel like you've done your good deed for the day?" He snapped.

"No Negan." Rose sighed so used to him by now and having had expected it today. To him it was the day that marked a whole year in captivity but for her it was the day that marked him lasting the year. She was almost proud of his mental strength so far.

"Fuck off." Negan huffed annoyed that she saw straight through him, that he couldn't get under her skin. "I'm not in the mood to be you're fucking lab rat today, kay?"

"Okay." She shrugged as she went to grab her usual chair which she had been bringing gradually closer and closer each time until she ended up right next to the bars. Negan got a good view of her ass in her tight jeans as she did and he almost groaned at the thought of touching her. For a long time he thought it was just because of how long it had been but a few other women had been in to bring him food and shit and sure he liked the look but none made him feel like Rose did. His eyes dragged up her body, her strong thighs from all the manual labour he knew she helped out with in the day and the amount of walking and running that this life meant. He knew she had nice hips and her little waist that he could make out from the tight vest tops she wore but today she had on a baggy top. It looked like a mans t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up...

"Is that a mans t-shirt?" He didn't even recognise the growl that came out of his mouth.

Rose paled.

"It's... I just liked it." She pulled it out to show him that it was a fleetwood mac band tee as though it explained everything she wanted to say.

"Do you have a fucking boyfriend, Rose?" He asked her sitting up with his head tilted in the way it did when he asked a question.

"Is that any of your business, Negan?" He let out a short laugh at the way she never backed down.

"Well you see, Rosie... whether you want to fuckin' believe it or not I have some warm fuzzy feelin's towards you and the thought of you leavin' here and goin to another mans bed while I... rot." He spat the last word, pure rage taking over. "It makes me a little... mother fuckin' angry!"

Rose stared at him, wide eyed. Of course she didn't have a boyfriend but the way Negan was reacting to the thought of her having one set off all those handy little warning lights in her brain.

"I don't go to anybodies bed, Negan." She kept her voice calm having learned that getting angry back at him was the worst thing you could do. She wanted to tell him that it really wasn't any of his business but again she knew that some things were better left unsaid when it came to him, he was an intelligent man. He knew himself it was none of his business.

"Is it Daryl?" He had stood up somewhere inbetween his first outburst and was now stood at the bars, towering over her, she stayed seated letting him have the dominance he always so desperately needed.

"There's nobody."

"Tell me it's not Rick." He pushed his head into the bars. "FUCK!" He roared and this time she did jump. "Now I can't get the image of you and Rick's weird sweaty body out of my fuckin' head. GOD DAMN!"

"What the fuck." Rose said under her breath as she watched his face twist up as though in discomfort. "Negan, Stop!!" Raising her voice alittle got his attention and he looked down at her. The fact that he had gotten this worked up over a t-shirt, the worst he'd been in a while shocked her and the onsurdity of the situation wasn't lost on her. "Me and Rick? That's fucking disgusting." It wasn't that she found him unattractive, more like there had been an inherent feel of family ever since she first met him.

"I bet it's that fuckin' piece of shit red neck ain't it. Bet he loves you comin home, tellin' him all about the shit I tell you."

"Daryl won't even live in the same place as you never mind want to talk about you."

"Good you deserve fuckin' better, ya hear me?!" He pointed at her while looking right into her eyes.

"What like a machotistic, borderline psychopath?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hell yeah! That's what ya need in this world, angel. With a big ole dick!" His countenance snapped right back to a cocky, jokey one and she could only try and stop herself being left behind. He was tiring.

"I suppose I'm lucky enough to have one right in front of me, huh?"

"How'd ya fuckin' guess?" He smirked.

"Well it's either very big or ridiculously tiny and the way you act is you trying to assert your masculinity because your penis doesn't."

"My penis, darlin' is more than you could handle."

"Of course it is, Negan." She sighed with a roll of her eyes praying he wouldnt notice the colour in her cheeks and the slightly laboured breathing. He just stood there looking over her, his dark gaze making her have to look away.

"Look at me." He rasped starting to reach through the bars before stopping himself, realizing he wouldn't reach her face anyway it was just that sometimes he forget about those bars.

She looked up, her light eyes never staying connected to his for longer than a few seconds, he was blinding to her.

"You're fucking beautiful. Do ya know that?" The sincerity in his voice was too much and she had to look away, make a joke, anything to distract from the metaphorical sparks flying all over the place.

"I've been told I was he prettiest girl in all of Senioa." She grinned at the deep laugh that came from him bouncing playfully around the room.

"Fuckin' Senioa?!" He shook his head. "That's one hell of a compliment I mean how many girls were in your town, like 20?" He continued laughed.

"Fuck you." She laughed with him.

They continued that way for a while before Rose realised she'd been there longer than planned. Something which happened more often than she would care to admit to herself.

Rose knew Negan had issues. She also knew that being in that cell for nearly a year and half would not have helped said issues, so when she entered the room holding the cell to hear his grunts and outbursts of "stop!" She knew he was having a bad nightmare.

Rick had given her the keys to the cell a few days earlier as he was leaving for a while, still working on a united front that Rose didn't think would ever work. She rushed to the bars to see him kicking his legs whilst the rest of him was stiff and without even thinking about it she opened the gate and walked straight over to him.

"Negan!" She said calmly grabbing his hand and shaking him alittle. "Negan..."

His eyes shot open and before he could even acknowledge who she was he had grabbed her by the throat and smashed her into the brick wall beside his cot, her head connecting harshly.

"Negan!" Her voice was panicked once she had gotten over the initial shock of what was happening.

His grip hadn't eased off her throat as he continued to watch with wide fierce eyes as she struggled to loosen his hand. All at once he let out a suprised shout and his hand left her throat letting her fall to the ground in a heap.

"Rose!" He knelt down straight away to check on her, she just stared back at him looking relieved.

"What the fuck.." she gasped out her shaking hands going to her throat.

"I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay... you didn't mean to... I hope..." her words were lost when she noticed the open gate before she looked back to him warily. Shit! She had just rushed in not thinking clearly and now she was going to be accountable for the man getting free. He looked over to where she had been looking to see the gate open.

Freedom.

His eyes shot back to Rose and they just watched one another both knowing that he could easily overpower her and get himself out. Sure she had a knife on her hip but there was no way she could get to it before he stopped her.

"Are you okay?" He asked, surprising her.

"Yes." She said quietly. Rose watched his hand come slowly towards her face with trepidation wondering what he was going to do. The gentle way his large hand held her face made her want to melt and if the situation wasn't one which could go so badly wrong she would have.

"Go on..." He almost whispered, his deep voice making the panic in her subside. "You don't belong in here, angel."

To say Rose was shocked would be an understatement. She had known this man for a year and a half now and as much as she hoped that they had a good relationship she was still very aware that he was a prisoner. Not just any prisoner. A prisoner who was known to do whatever it takes to get what he wanted, no matter who he hurt in the process.

What he wanted was his freedom and here he was ignoring the chance to get out because of her stupid mistake.

"Don't look so shocked." He laughed sadly. "Go on you need to get looked at." He pulled her up and steadied her with his hands on her waist, something which he had wanted to feel for so long. His large hand squeezed her gently at the thought.

"Why?" She said on a shaky breath.

"You know why." The grin he sent her way was one she hadn't seen before, one which wasn't all cocky bravado but one which held sadness. He didn't want her to get into trouble. He wasn't going to use her lack of judgment to escape and the realisation brought tears to her eyes.

This time her hand was the one to reach his face, his eyes closing with the gentle touch. Lacking yet more judgment she wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest and squeezed. His arms followed and the two stood there in an embrace, one that meant more to Negan than she would ever realise.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been held. Rose would leave eventually, softly closing the gate behind her and locking it with a heavy heart but for the time being they both enjoyed what they had been craving for far too long.

Standing in a cold, dark cell like weeds wrapped around a Rose they each had found their very own sunlight.

Chapter Ten

A/N Next up we're at Season 9! Yaaaaass!

OC Interview Meme

This looks fun. Also some answers drastically differ depending on around what time this "interview” takes place. So i got thinking and since I was tagged by@sakurabunnie who’s getting to know my pre-inquisition Soren, i choose to time this before Inquisition. Then i was tagged by dear @hadiden-lavellan too, but by then i was halfway through his post, and hey why not, some looking back :) Thank you both!!!! :3333

For Soren (Lavellan):

1. What is your name?

“A lot of people have called me by a lot of names. You can call me Soren.”

2. What is your real name?

“It is actually Soren. Yep, just Soren. I lost my original belonging and i didnt take any of my families surnames. Not permanently nor in any way official.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Oh well, my parents wanted a pair of short and strong names that ring together, even if they had to get a bit creative. Also, as i learned, a pair of names that can be lilted and growled equally well haha “

4. Are you single or taken?

“i am free like a bird. Does your nest have some extra space on a cold night by the way?”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“Im a highly trained assassin, among … other things. If you ever get in trouble… *slides over a strange little object* flash this around the shady parts of any city. They will take care of the rest. But for your lives sake, do not try to lie”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“ I dont think i ever used that alias… “

7. What’s your eye color?

“Oohhh you are welcome to gaze into them closer, yes ;) no low light excuses, they have their own, so just lean over… “

8. How about your hair color?

“ Oh yes that is harder to tell in different lights. Its dark red, like good wine or blood from the liver .”

9. Have you any family members?

“ I have tons. If you meant blood relation… other than my twin sister i have some distant family. Literally distant even, like few and far between, out in the world. Some of us exchange awesome birthday gifts some years though, regardless of the exact date. Who has time to time that. “

(Scattered by the wind, but firmly standing like the trees)

10. Oh? What about pets?

“ Sadly animals are deadly afraid of me. It takes just a sniff to run for dear life… Even predators… it takes a special blend of proud and crazy to befriend me it seems. I would kill for such treasures. Like that Hart i once fought for an apple in that deep forest and lately rode to far destinations… i think it starts to get even attached!!! If he sticks around im gonna call him Captain. But remember, Dont go close to him! For your dear life, please dont. He is easy to recognize. Big as a mountain and looks like “Oh, Shit”. “

(’Where to, Captain?’)

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“ Those things are about to change. Or drop in numbers significantly in the world. Just wait. …as truly as i want to mean that, unfortunately some things never change. Like the darkness in people, festering hearts. There will always be things like betrayal, prejudice, hatred, discrimination, envy, greed, cruelty,... i could go on. People who mostly keep themselves above those shades of their nature are all worth to be protected.“

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“ Oh there are so many awesome things in the world and so many exciting things to do! I cant even count them. Like there’s hunting dragons for one! Speaking of hunting, there is also treasure hunt and demon hunt and manhunt and wyvernhunt and countless others, the bigger and meaner the better! But then theres also MAGIC! Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Everything magic and everything it touched. Putting together and using magic objects for so many things! And spells??? Potions, lotions, weapons... And there are also PEOPLE! The most magical thing is the warm light in ones heart. And they are so various and unique! There are different languages and codes and symbols and oh the stories! And dance and music and pleasures and laughing and caring and helping and…. oh … haha… im sorry, are you awake? Please ask away. “

(’Ah, what a beautiful day!’)

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“ I think you snoozed off and forgot about my profession already. :)  “

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“ Hahaha oh these sharp and pointy things and stuff arent for chopping and cooking vegetables either.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Pfffft i am my own species! Hehe! A unique hybrid i guess! But definitely a big animal, yes. Sis’ won that argument long ago, so there you have the answer. “

16. Name your worst habits.

“Hmm? What?” (*Muffs out with one of the interviewers -already leafed through-notebooks between his sharp teeth, booth on table...*) Hey! That is… how did you… *sigh*... nevermind  

(exhibit 99: ‘”I’ll go straight there!”)

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My sister, definitely. She is the best. She is indestructible in every way i swear! Gotta be the strongest person alive. She is also really cool. But hot. I mean explosive! Not that shes not hot, technically... she is my female version after all haha. And caring for me with great big sister love (*mumble*:even if i am like 5 minutes older), but dont spread that ;) Might harm her notoriety.  I also look up to several of my tutors and many other people for many different reasons. People can be so many kinds of amazing.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“You can not expect me to label my interests in a world full of so many differently beautiful people with warm hearts.”

19. Do you go to school?

“Yes. Life. 24/7. Got less intense since i learned how to survive and sustain myself, and grew a strong body to back up my needs and will, but there are always new things to learn and lessons you never asked for too. I had some actual teachers along the way too, but lately mostly i just teach myself what i dont just encounter by diving into new things. Which is not only fun by the way, you are bound to learn a few things. Then there are books, theories, researching, digging, honing instincts and reflexes, combining and refining techniques or theories, trial and error... Life is a bottomless school “

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Wow, wow, you mean like.. babies? Sweet Fade, i wouldnt dare breathe their way, they are so fragile... little young PEOPLE, persons who arrived so recently and understand so little and cant even tell whats up just cry and i cant understand them, i understand every language but i can not understand babies for my life and ... and... thats terrifying! And do you have any idea how EASY it is to kill someone? And then there is that small bundle of vulnerability, my proximity could be lethal to it! And .... *sigh*... sorry just... It all would depend on that special person i might find who would want to keep me for life, for better or worse, and if they wanted kids... even if babies, i would be on board. I would do anything for that special someone. Even learn baby care... Bigger kids, well, i already have :D . In good care. If any of them were to be taken under my constant and indirect care, would depend on a lot of things. Right now they are much safer otherwise.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Most certainly ;D.But none of them know much about me, of course. With that comes a transformation of those feelings”

22. What are you most afraid of?

‘Im not afraid of ANYTHING!” *eyes instantly betraying* “Fine, fine, gotta be loss. Ironic, isnt it, for i have but what is on my person. Replaceable come and goes. Im mostly afraid of losses that arent even really “mine”, but others. Loved ones or even barely known ones loosing their lives or their light. Loosing my sister, myself, my heart... that is all i am. The only thing i cannot live without is my heart, i AM my heart, and loosing pieces of it or have it broken or freezing through a hole... I hate how selfish that is. But yeah. There you go. I still tend to leave pieces of it everywhere, and it only grows with that, funny how that works, but it also tends to get wounded on every turn. I fear the numbing cold. I fear the day when i cant hold it together and go on anymore.”

(from “When you are away”)

23. What do you usually wear?

“What you see is my whole wardrobe, hahah. But i shift and change to blend in from the dirt of Orzammar’s dust town to the shining halls of Orlesian palaces. Its fun.  What i like to wear mostly are well covering clothes, that allow a great scale of mobility, but not baggy to catch on things. Made of high quality materials only. My clothes MUST be of great quality materials, more for comfort than durability. Heightened overall senses arent always fun. Oh and for outer wear i like leather, especially dragonskin stuff for light armor, and long boots are the only footwear i acknowledge, some with high heels, and a matching pair of long gloves from soft fine leather are necessary too. Long coats from mostly leather and all the necessary leather straps and harnesses and pouches and belt too of course. If it counts, all my current favorite necklaces with magical pendants and bracelets are a constant wear too. It also doesnt hurt if my clothes look great. But fine materials tailored to my body and my needs usually bring that effect without further touches.”

(*his gear gotta let his smooth ass move*)

24. Do you love someone?

“I love all good people. ...and some others”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"Bahahahhahaa now thats some blunt question! It deserves to be answered truthfully. I wish i could say when i was a baby, but truth is i think it happened a few times during the wilder rides of intense poison training with blood magic assistance, but im not really sure, i was barely conscious through those parts from pain and all kinds of nasty sensations, i came to my senses naked and tucked in after them. I never do extreme limit pushing training alone. There were also times when i was subject to some blood spells and experiments unwilling too. I have some suspicious blurry memories that i have made all sorts of messes. Egh. Lets move on to more fun questions”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Perfect!”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“I live outside of such systems. But i took part in every class during my life, thanks to current families or goals.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Plenty, but one cant have too many. Helping each other goes a long way. I tend to make some friends everywhere i go, but i have few close friends. The closest one is my sis’. She knows me more than i know myself, and she is always there for me, at any cost.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie? One of the most fun cakes. It was invented for throwing i swear!”

30. Favourite drink?

“Hmmmm... old, red wine, hot and seasoned, spiced with a nice kick of that special antivan poison blend. I dont recommend you trying it, but you dont know what you’re missing out.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“Wherever i am welcome.”

(*one favorite place example. It is not Where, it is Who*)

32. Are you interested in someone?

“I am interested in everyone. Are you fishing for some special interest?”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Hahahha oh you never disappoint! Well, it was a long time ago when i last i wore a bra, back when i could still pull off the young girl appearance, to get in paces and so on. I always made sure to have a proportional but quite evident bosom. Oh it was such fun, my long hair helped too, and i dished out that act spot on! Like that time in Val Royeaux, when the heads i turned waltzing in as part of a rich antivan court were spinning all around in frantic search in the chaos, while i walked right out as a male servant. Oh sorry, i got distracted. You also asked about my “willy” if i recall correctly. If you would like to measure it so badly we can discuss that later ;) “

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Hmmm.... whichever promises more sunk treasures and secrets. Some lakes hide quite the surprises let me tell you.”

(’Looks like a perfect place for some diving..’)

35. What’s your type?

“My type of what, exactly, dear? ;)”

36. Any fetishes?

“I am very flexible in many ways, let me tell you, in case you are planning to bend me to your will. And if id have some suggestions, well, let it remain a little mystery for now ;p”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“Depends. What would you like me to be?”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Nothing beats a warm bed and a well secured resting place. Especially with my... condition, and experiences”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Are you kidding me? You have such awkward, uncomfortable questions... Let me get a new round of drinks for us and lets do this till morning!” “What do you mean new round... when did this cup of hot wine get here? It has my name on it??? What the... I better go i think.”

40. Now it’s over!

“What? Oh come on, we just got to some really “embarrassing” parts! Talking about “embarrassing”, would you like to hear the story of my encounter with this qounari dreadnought captain and ended up on board to Ostwick? Maybe you can tell me some stories yourself too in exchange..” *puppy eyes+shining grin combo* “Well, im not exactly in a hurry...” “Excellent!” *shifts closer and pours more wine*

I tag @quizzikemen @pelle-lavellan @hadiden-lavellan @sakurabunnie @elalavella @nipuni and everyone who wants to do it! For those who already did this consider this a tag for another OC! Gotta love them all :D (if you feel like doing it. I always feel like reading it)