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kiljoius-writes · 1 year

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Cordial Activities

Ao3 | FFN

Full YOTP Series Found Here

Pairing: Hanabi Hyūga/Konohamaru Sarutobi

Summary: Sometimes, pranks go too far.

April Prompt: Pranks

Word Count: 3.6k

Rating: T

During Naruto’s inauguration celebration, Moegi had made a drunken show of calling Udon hideous and Konohamaru stupid. From the moment they had started drinking ‘til the end of the day, she had bemoaned them as stupid, horrible, awful men that hated her and had tried her hardest to rope Hanabi into her man-hating brigade. Udon and Konohamaru had come to a silent agreement that they would have to get her back, but the business of life had swept them away and Moegi and Udon had taken off to the Sand to do seal research.

But now that they were back and all four of them were settled in as sensei to a brand-new class of genin, Konohamaru had decided it was high time to get her back. Usually, he has a good enough prank for Moegi, but his mind is…well, it’s frankly sapped of energy lately.

The best he came up with was sneaking into her house and rearranging her cupboard while she was on a mission. It wasn’t a bad prank. It always set her off, but this just wasn’t satisfying.

Then she kindly brought him tea from a nice, new café.

And it had hot sauce in it.

The next day, Konohamaru woke up with permanent marker on his face. Something no one told him until Hanabi pointed it out to him when he came to visit her.

Udon had drawn a fucking dick on his forehead. And he’d already walked through the village. The whole point of pranking Moegi was to get back at her together. Alas, Udon had been taking her side more and more lately as Konohamaru began spending most of his available free time with Hanabi. A war was on the horizon.

So Hanabi suggested hiding Udon’s glasses and replacing them with some of those cheap, reading-style ones. For the duration of a mission, he had been complaining that his glasses seemed scratched, or that he might need to go update his prescription. He even began to panic that he was developing some sort of eye disease, like glaucoma. He ended up falling flat on his face later on in the mission and the war was certainly brewing.

Later, on a day Hanabi was having a particularly bad time because not only had Wasabi picked a fight with Iwabee while on a mission that she got reprimanded for, Konohamaru had also been sent out on a two-week mission. She didn’t like to admit how much it made her miserable not to see his goofy face every day, and for two weeks no less. On that day, Udon hid inside of the janitor’s closet at the Academy, jumped out, and scared the shit out of Hanabi, and she instinctively closed one of his chakra points. A war had started.

It proceeds innocently enough, with Konohamaru sneaking into Moegi’s apartment to change all of her clocks in the middle of the night. Hanabi and Konohamaru wait with childish excitement outside of her apartment for her alarm to go off and hear her yell in exasperation. They hear banging around in her apartment as she scrambles to get ready, hear her complain, loudly, “Shikadai’s never gonna let me live this one down!” When her door comes flying open, Hanabi and Konohamaru skitter away, giggling.

A few days later, another mostly innocent prank. While on a solo mission on the outskirts of the Land of Fire to investigate some disturbance, she approaches the gates of the Grass. She gives the guards a bright smile and presents her identification. While they look it over for longer than normal, she tries to make casual conversation about the foliage and weather. They eye her suspiciously before giving her the ID back and informing her that traveling clowns do not have clearance to enter at this time. Alarmed, she snatches the ID from their hands and looks at it wide-eyed. An edited photo of her with clown makeup and a big red nose looks back at her, and her title of jōnin is replaced with ‘Hanabi the Hellion’.

The moment she returns, she seeks out Shino and cites an old favor he owes her, and requests some of his kikaichū. He’s reluctant but eventually relents, giving her strict instructions with some chakra pills for the bugs to nibble on. With three containers and three bugs, Hanabi makes her way to Udon’s home. With her byakugan, she confirms no one is inside, and uses the spare key to his apartment he keeps under a gnome by his door to get inside. She puts one container on the highest shelf in a cupboard in the kitchen, another under his bed, and the final one in the air vent of his bathroom. Konohamaru and Hanabi proceed to spend the next several days thoroughly amused by Udon slowly losing his mind, complaining of weird noises in his apartment. It all comes to a head when Udon discovers one of the bugs, takes it to Shino, and both Hanabi and Konohamaru are reprimanded.

The (supposedly) last straw is when Konohamaru brings Hanabi back to his apartment. They had just finished setting up some obstacles for their genin and were getting a little too touchy in public before Hanabi suggested they go somewhere more private. Konohamaru pushes them inside and makes quick work of tugging at her shirt. She berates him like usual but lets him keep at it because she wants the same thing. He guides her to the couch, and she pulls him down with her. Just before he can pull the shirt completely open, he stops and pulls his mouth from hers. Her eyes pop open in irritation to find his looking up curiously.

“What is that?” he mumbles, reaching up above her head. She twists onto her side so she can look above her properly and she frowns at a sealing tag. As soon as he pulls it off, she screeches as the couch suddenly starts growing hair.

“The hell?!” Hanabi shoves him off her and they both go tumbling to the ground.

They pick themselves up and Hanabi inspects the coach while Konohamaru holds the tag up to his face. He grimaces. “Transformation tag…very funny.”

“Gross,” Hanabi says, sticking out her tongue as she pokes at the hairy couch. She can’t tell what kind of hair it is, maybe something like a Poodle’s. Not even something nice, like a Yorkie’s. “How long is it gonna stay like that?”

He doesn’t answer her, instead takes her hand, and pulls her into his bedroom, clearly still antsy to get back to what they were about to do despite the mishap. Honestly, she’s not really in the mood anymore but lets him drag her away anyway. It’s then that she realizes there are tags everywhere.

“Konohamaru!” she gasps as he pushes her backward against the bed, and she shoves her palms into his chest. “Stop!”

“What?” he asks, taking his hands off her with disappointed confusion. She gestures outwards and he finally stops to take in the room, coming to the same realization. She spins around, noting a lack of a sealing tag on his bed, then yanks the blanket off the bed, which in turn tears away another sealing tag, and now his bed is sprouting grass. She hears him groan behind her, “goddamnit, really?”

“Wow,” she breathes, staring at a bed that looks more suited for roses than humans now. “This…this is a lot.”

“Assholes,” he mutters, running his hand over the new grass, “both of them. Giant assholes.”

“They’re on everything, Konohamaru,” she whispers as she hovers her hand over a tag on his lamp next to his alarm clock, also donning a tag. Unable to control her own curiosity, she gently pulls the tag from the lamp and watches as the lampshade slowly morphs into what looks like skin. She clenches her teeth in a grimace, stepping away from it. “Looks like they really put to work what they learned in the Sand, huh?”

“That…” Konohamaru looks over her shoulder, a worried expression on his face. “That’s concerning.”

“I can’t stay here.” Hanabi starts to walk away and Konohamaru sighs in exasperation, lagging behind to lock up his home, though he knows at this point, it’s useless. He’s really starting to regret giving his friends spare keys. In vain, he seals it with some chakra before jogging to catch up with her.

“Where are we going?”

“Your office. We’re devising a plan.”

By the time they get settled in his office, they’ve already nixed several ideas that don’t quite have the bite they want to inflict on their friends. Then Hanabi thinks of the tags in his home and claps her hands together.

“Smoke tag!” she exclaims just as she sits in the chair across from Konohamaru. “I bet I can sneak one on each of their backs, their teams have a mission together tomorrow! Oh, gods it’d be—”

“—In front of their kids?! Yes, yes, yes. Perfect,” he agrees so quickly, she’s surprised. That little mischievous glint in his eye would always be cute to her, as long as it wasn’t directed at her. He reaches out to squeeze her hand, his voice serious, “gods, this is why you are my perfect woman.”

“Oh!” Hanabi giggles, rolling her eyes. “I’m just clever, maybe.”

“Mmm, very,” Konohamaru essentially purrs to her, and it makes her body heat up. Even now, he has her blushing whenever he wants. He crawls on the couch to rest himself on top of her and she shakes her head.

“Pranking gets you all hot and bothered or something?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Dork!” she gasps, laughing as she pushes at his face. He grins.

The next day, as planned, Hanabi skips up to the front gates as Udon and Moegi chat with several of their genin surrounding them. Konohamaru is in the distance, watching with excitement.

“Oh, hey, Hanabi,” Moegi waves with a little smile and Hanabi is having a very difficult time controlling her own mischievous look.

“Hello, hello, teams!” Hanabi lands in front of them, beaming down at the genin.

In unison: “Hi Hanabi-sensei.”

“You look chipper.” Moegi squints at her suspiciously, tilting her head. “Have you…uh, been to Konohamaru’s lately? Like…in the last day?”

“Hmm?” Hanabi questions innocently, looking up as if in thought. “Can’t say I have…”

“No?” Udon’s pitch is a little higher, too. “Maybe you should visit him soon.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Hanabi responds, clasping her hands together. “Off for a mission?”

“Mhm,” Moegi confirms, relaxing a bit. She looks down at her watch and a look of mild irritation takes over her face. “Chocho is late as always, however…”

“You know how she gets without snacks,” Shikadai calls from the side, “probably best to let her stock up.”

Moegi tilts her head but nods regardless. Udon chuckles, turning to Hanabi. “What’s up, Hanabi?”

“Oh, just saying hello to my friends.” She shrugs just as Chocho appears in the distance bolting toward them.

“Ugh!” Chocho huffs as she stumbles in front of her team. “Sorry, guys. My stupid dad was arguing with me about—”

Inojin interjects, “chubs, no one cares.”

Hanabi frowns at the team as an argument immediately breaks out. She glances up at Moegi, who is rolling her eyes, and grabbing them by the scruffs of their collars. “Anyway! Well, sorry to take off on you, Hanabi, we’re off then!”

“No problem!” Hanabi beams up at them. “Good luck!”

She walks with them to the gates, and just as they make it through the front gates, Hanabi tugs two tags from each of her sleeves into her palms. Then she sets her hands on both Udon and Moegi’s backs, an innocent pat, and whispers.

“Release.”

She immediately leaps back as two plumes of ashy smoke release into the air, covering Moegi and Udon in a thick layer of dust and particles.

“What the—”

“—FUCK!”

Cackling, she bolts away.

“Are we being attacked?”

“Oh no, Udon-sensei!”

“HANABI!”

Several weeks later, they call it quits.

The back and forth was tiring for all four. Their teams were already a lot to handle, and having to constantly worry about one another wasn’t helping with overall stress levels.

Several more weeks later, and Konohamaru and Hanabi finally relax when no more pranks have popped up.

They stand together in a field, chatting while their genin pick around for herbs just on the outskirts of the Leaf.

“Is that Udon?” Konohamaru squints at a figure approaching, and Hanabi activates her byakugan to check. It is Udon, and he’s waving at them enthusiastically.

“Hey you two!” Udon calls, friendly-like. They both wave as he settles next to them. “Early morning gathering mission?”

“Yep,” Hanabi responds with a nod, “where’s your team, Udon?”

“Ah, that’s the thing.” He smirks, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah, Denki was having a little trouble perfecting his transformation jutsu. And y’know, Konohamaru, you’ve always been good at it, right, with the sexy jut-“

“Uh, yep!” Konohamaru cuts him off with a high voice, warily looking at their genin. “Yep, I’m pretty good at it. What’s up, you want me to do a lesson with him or somethin’?”

“Or something.” Udon looks mischievous and it unsettles Hanabi. Couldn’t be good. “Give me a little run down on how you do it, Konohamaru.”

Konohamaru shifts slightly, bounces his eyes between the two before shrugging, “I mean, you know all about it, too, Udon.”

“Another perspective is nice, sometimes.”

“Fine, fine,” he sighs, looking off to their students who are now casting suspicious gazes at the group of sensei. Ever since their prank on Moegi and Udon, all of the genin are hyper-vigilant whenever they come together. “Well, y’know, you visualize it first, right? Get an idea in your head of what you’re gonna transform into, whether it’s a log or another person.”

“Right, right.”

“And that’s the shape your chakra is gonna take. You focus it in your body…like…I dunno, how you do any chakra, and then…” A little plume of vapor encases Konohamaru before dissipating, and in front of them stands an Udon look alike. It makes her frown. She does not want Konohamaru to look like Udon. It’s…unsettling. “And that’s kinda it, isn’t it?”

“I see, I see. Chakra control.” Hanabi eyes Udon warily as he smirks again. “Alright, so kind of like…” Udon widens his stance and wiggles his fingers, pushes up his glasses.

Dog → Boar → Ram

Hanabi wants to die when now, instead of Udon next to her, there is Konohamaru.

Shirtless.

In boxers.

Or maybe not even boxers. It’s just…clouds.

“Dude!” Konohamaru quickly turns back into himself and shoves his own lookalikes shoulder.

“Like this, right?!” Udon, as an incredibly well-defined, nearly nude Konohamaru, asks innocently. Hanabi backs away, her chest feeling like it would explode with her heart thrumming in it.

“Oh my gods!” Wasabi screeched from the sidelines.

“Konohamaru-sensei?!” Sarada cries, shielding her eyes.

“Oh, sick!” Boruto wretches, turning away.

Namida faints.

Sumire freezes, like a deer.

Mitsuki tilts his head curiously.

“Aw, c’mon!” Udon laughs, sidling up closer to Hanabi. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it?”

Hanabi thought it would be her that knocks Udon out cold, but with a puff of smoke, Konohamaru’s fist connects with Udon’s jaw, and he’s on the ground.

“Oh gods!” Hanabi gasps as Udon goes crashing.

“Udon-sensei?!” Sumire is the first to snap to action, bolting towards the unconscious man. Konohamaru rubs his hands over his face.

“Damnit, Udon!” Konohamaru groans as all of the genin girls crowd around the man (save Namida, who is a lump on the ground), poking and prodding at his face.

“This is a mess, Konohamaru,” Hanabi hisses, grabbing Konohamaru’s elbow, “why the hell did you knock him out?!”

“B-Because—” Konohamaru tries, shouldering heaving and slumping, “you were getting—well you know! I hate seeing you upset, and c’mon, isn’t that like a form of sexual harassment or something—”

“I know!” Hanabi growls, glaring. She’s well and truly confused on how to proceed.

This fucking prank war’s gone too far.

With an exaggerated sigh, she stomps up to Udon and gives him a swift kick to the ribs.

“Hanabi-sensei!” Sumire gasps, hand over her mouth as Wasabi groans on behalf of Udon, clutching her side as if she had received the kick herself.

“Udon Ise, wake up!” she demands as if she can summon him awake. Thankfully, he is stirring already. When he pops an eye open, he’s smirking and it sets her blood on fire.

“Gotcha.”

They whirl around to hear cackling in the background. Hanabi activates her byakugan, and yes, now she truly wants to be dead. It’s not just Moegi. It’s Moegi’s team. And Udon’s team.

“I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.”

Udon hops to his feet and bolts away, Hanabi hot on his trail.

Sarada casts an incredibly disapproving glare at Konohamaru.

“Konohamaru-sensei…really?”

He has no good excuse.

The prank war continues.

“There she is, the little Hyūga brat that destroyed my stand…”

“It wasn’t even my fault…” Hanabi mutters to herself, clutching her shirt tighter to herself as she does her best not to engage in an argument.

The past two weeks have been exhausting. After Udon’s frankly horrible prank on Hanabi and Konohamaru, the village probably suffered the most in terms of collateral damage. They were even getting their younger shinobi involved.

Konohamaru had asked (bribed) Mirai to create a genjutsu that would convince Udon he was on a date with a drop-dead gorgeous dignitary from the Mist, which ended with him thinking he was being led back to her hotel room but ended up being Shino’s home. Then Udon proceeded to gather intel about Hanabi, which led to his discovery of her phobia of rats, and he released a few behind the stand of jewelry she had been perusing, causing her to destroy the entire thing with one hit.

There was the paper-bomb Hanabi had strategically placed on Moegi’s desk disguised as a pen, which she activated just when she was having a meeting with Temari about Shikadai (Temari did not find the prank funny). Moegi managed to convince (bribe) Hanabi’s guard, Tadashi, to ‘run into’ Konohamaru and inform him that Hiashi was urgently requesting he bring him a box of documents from the Hokage’s tower, which Konohamaru, predictably eager to please, offered to take care of for him. Moegi had conveniently placed a box outside of the main door for him, and only when the elder opened it upon delivery did Konohamaru realize, it was full of women’s underwear.

Yes, this prank war had gone far, far enough. Hanabi hadn’t had a decent night's sleep in weeks now, Konohamaru was snapping at his team for small things he’d normally brush off, Moegi was constantly reorganizing her things to ensure nothing was missing or off, Udon’s team were complaining about the lengthy missions he was taking in effort to be away from the village. The village itself is giving them the collective stink eye, and that’s probably why Konohamaru is in front of Hanabi now, informing her that they’re being summoned to the Hokage’s office.

Sure enough, Udon and Moegi are already standing in front of Naruto, who is resting his chin on his clasped hands, looking pissed. Hanabi watches as Konohamaru settles next to Moegi, and she reluctantly takes the other side next to Udon. All four refuse to meet eyes, staring shamefully at the ground like a group of kids ready to receive their punishment.

“See this?”

They all look up as Naruto drops a thick stack of papers on the desk, then pushes his finger on top of them, tapping aggressively.

“Forty complaints in the last two weeks. Forty.” He clicks his tongue as they slowly make eye contact. “All for four of my most respected jōnin senseis. I don’t think I gotta tell you how sad this looks.”

“Sorry, big brother—”

“Ah-ah.” Naruto holds up a hand.

“Sorry, Lord Hokage.”

“Because I am a merciful Hokage,” Naruto continues while clearing his throat, “I’ll let you choose your punishment. Option one, a dock in pay—”

“NO!” Moegi immediately protests, bringing her fists up to her chin with big eyes while Udon nods in eager agreement. “I—no, not that one.”

Naruto sucks in his teeth, then keeps going, “option two, I have you all weed Ms. Ogawa’s garden for a week—”

“Ah, no—”

“I don’t think—”

Hanabi’s cheeks turn pink as both her and Konohamaru interrupt at the same time. Hanabi waves her hands in front of her face. “I cannot let my genin see me doing the thing I give them as punishment.”

“Yeah, c’mon Lord Seventh, that would be…” Konohamaru rubs the back of his neck as he trails off.

“Then you’re left with option three, which is fine by me.” They watch, all four with grimaces, as Naruto reaches into a drawer and pulls out two large, white t-shirts with some sort of writing on them. “Option three, the getting-along shirts!”

The four jōnin look on in abject horror as he lays them out.

“Ah, I remember when Kakashi-sensei put me and Sasuke in one of these,” Naruto comments fondly, patting one that’s been written on with marker.

GETTING ALONG SHIRT

“Except we were, y’know, twelve or somethin’ like that,” he chuckles, looking up at them, “not in our late twenties.”

“Lord Hokage—”

“You chose!” Naruto declares, getting up with the shirts and circling his desk. He pushes Konohamaru and Udon together and yanks one shirt over their heads. The process repeats with Hanabi and Moegi, and then he turns them to face the exit. “Now, I’ve already called your teams to meet in the training grounds for some special training. Don’t keep them waiting!”

All four look at each other with the understanding that they’ve made a grave mistake.

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