#To be clear: fuck Elon Musk
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Whenever I see people referring to "X", I either pronounce it in my head as "Tweeter" OR "KEY" like they inexplicably do in Kingdom Hearts (but only sometimes).
#Kingdom Hearts is the ruler of weird confusing names#Elon Musk should be all over that shit#I'm surprised he hasn't added fractions and decimals to his kids' names yet#To be clear: fuck Elon Musk#(In a bad way: don't FUCK (have sex with) him but fuck him UP (by making fun of him and drinking his delicious tears)#Actually some Kingdom Hearts names sound kind of like long-ass Puritan names#I can picture a Kingdom Hearts game called Fight the Good Fight of Faith#And a Puritan kid called Birth by Sleep or some ridiculous string of numbers (some biblical reference)#Or some fancy equation for the number of days Jesus was on Earth#Or the number of days those girls spent shagging their Dad (some chosen guy called Lot) after they escaped Sodom and Gomorrah#Or maybe the number of people in the mob Lot offered his virgin daughters to to do with as they pleased carnally (before they escaped)#The bible is full of some weird shit#This has been a typical me rambling in tags session#I even got to bring the bible into it
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#tumblr polls#vanilla extract#to be completely clear fuck Elon musk vanilla extract brings much more to the world
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strongly urge y’all to share this, i just got kicked off twitter for having made a joke about an emoji three years ago. twitter is no longer safe and i recommend everyone on here to delete your accounts or log off.
#twitter#elon musk#transphobia#im really upset#twitter has been my main social media for years and i liked it a lot..#btw to be clear i can access the account if i delete the tweet#but by principle i will not because it's a ridiculous fucking tweet
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My Uber is a tesla and I was trying to remember if I'd ever been in one, but I'd never forget a door handle that that stupid.
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Oppenheimer was a failure
Dune 2 will get an unfair advantage this year, just like the Hollywood machine made sure that Oppenheimer got an unfair advantage. When was the last time anyone saw the great Oliver Stone fuck up a film?
Yogos Lanthimos is Elitist crap, who fetishizes shit like Incest and Underage sex. Big surprise he's being pushed.
Ari Aster can go fuck himself
Gosling is Canadian and I'd guess a even better asset than Brendan Fraser.
Patel is being used as a Poor Man's Keanu Reeves, since Monkey Man is supposed to be violent
I see someone named a new project Civil War, SPECIFICALLY to make sure the Avengers Civil War keeps spamming, like it is right now.
#Oppenheimer#Dune 2#Oliver Stone FUCKED HIS OWN FILM to clear the way gor Oppenheimer#The Academy board and SAG-AFTRA are planning the same shady crap for Dune 2 and Chalamet#Yorgos Lanthimos id into Incest#Ari Aster#Ryan Gosling can no more be trusted that any other Canadian actors#The Academy Used Brendan Fraser To Take Over HFPA#Dev Patel Is Being Used For Violent Propaganda#New Project naned Civil War#WHY!?#Elon Musk and MAGA TROLLS REVIVE TIRED SPAMMING OF ALL THINGS OLD AVENGERS#INFINITY WAR#ENDGAME#IT'S VERY SAD#Hollywood Gas Been Wholly Captured By Elites and NOTHING That Us Being Created Us For Public Consumption#Iyr Entire Film Industry Is Catering To Sick Elites
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let the mourners come
Title: let the mourners come
Ao3 Link: Only available to Ao3 users
Word Count: 3045
Summary:
It started, as most things do with Danny Fenton, as a joke.
It ended, as most things do with Jazz Fenton, with things better than they were before.
xxXxx
When Danny finally gets a Twitter, it’s during Elon Musk’s shit show takeover. He’s able to secure a good Twitter handle thanks to people leaving en masse and fleeing to Tumblr. He knows about things that happen outside of Amity Park (he is terminally online rather than chronically, after all), but he still doesn’t think anything of using @TheJoker as his handle, even knowing about Gotham City’s clown troubles. It’s just going to be a shitpost account, anyway, one that dances in the chaos of Elon’s electronic graveyard. Nothing will come about him using @TheJoker when he’s merely posting things like, “Just grew a new row of teeth!!! very pointy but can’t go to the dentist anymore bc they might turn me in to the giw.”
So Danny honestly never foresaw The Actual Real Joker breaking out of Arkham Asylum all the way in Gotham City, New Jersey, and deciding to get a Twitter account to terrorize people online as well as offline. And he definitely never foresaw The Joker @’ing him on Twitter, demanding that Danny change his Twitter handle. But, well. Here he was.
[Image Description: A screenshot of a Twitter reply chain, starting with the real Joker @'ing Danny's Twitter account, which uses TheJoker as his Twitter handle. The Joker, who has a verified account, demands that Danny "change your handle", and Danny replies with a simple "no" followed by red heart emoji. The Joker Tweets, "Kid you don't know who you're fucking with," to which Danny replies, "Ye I do ur some dude w/ poor fashion sense and lame jokes. Maybe try badjokesbyjeff bc originality is ugly on u" followed by a shrugging emoticon. The Joker responds, "Check your DMs." Danny then responds, "Perf [happy emoji surrounded by hearts] I've sent you a time and place. Can't wait to beat the shit out of another disgrace of a clown." Someone with the username "Gregg rulz ok" responds to Danny's last Tweet, "Bro is absolutely RATIOING the joker but the clown keeps responding [three skull emojis] embarrassing frfr too bad he's gonna die for realsies".
End ID]
Danny is quick to respond and then makes even quicker work of roasting The Joker. This soon results in The Joker DMing him his IP Address and a creative threat. Still, Danny isn’t about to cow to a clown with no respect for the art of clowning. He replies to the DM:
Cool, meet me at the Nasty Burger parking lot in Amity Park IL on tuesday at 2am
The response from The Joker is quick:
Fourteen year olds are too confident these days
Danny rolls his eyes and ignores the influx of notifications from Twitter, and instead makes another Tweet.
Imagine beefing with someone over a Twitter handle lol acc so embarrassing for him
He blackens his screen and stretches in bed, letting his spine pop more than what is humanly possible. He runs his tongue over that second row of teeth, his lips curling into a grin.
xxXxx
Gothamite Twitter is blowing up over The Joker’s social media beef with a faceless shitposting account. Jason, upon finding out about it, has a series of reactions: first, he looks up the shitposter and follows them. Then, he finds the actual chain between the poster and The Joker, and his vision goes vibrant green when he sees that The Joker’s profile picture is of the second Robin, beaten and swollen in an abandoned building in Ethiopia.
When his vision clears and he can breathe without wanting to kill, he likes the shitposter’s replies, and he calls the Replacement to see if the other Bats know already.
“We know,” Tim says in lieu of a hello when the ringing cuts out. “We’re working on it.”
“What, you think anything’s gonna come of it?” But even as Jason asks, he already knows the answer. The Joker is unhinged and once he’s threatened something, he’ll follow up unless he comes up with a “funnier” option.
Tim’s breath hitches, and he says, “I’ve hacked their DMs. Joker knows the kid’s IP address and sent it to him. He knows everything from that address alone.”
He pauses in the middle of suiting up, “Kid?”
He hears Tim swallow, “Yes, kid. He’s fifteen. And he gave The Joker a specific time and place to meet up to fight. In his own hometown.”
“Are— are you fucking kidding me?”
“No. B is already calling Nightwing. We’re taking the Batwing to Illinois.”
“Jesus fuck. I’ll be there in twenty.”
“Hood, I—”
“Shut up, I’m already in my gear.” He hangs up without waiting for a response.
He refreshes the Twitter feed and barks a laugh at the newest Tweet:
Jason Todd votes, and the Red Hood leaves his safe house.
xxXxx
A commercial flight to Illinois takes around two and a half hours. In the Batwing, they get there in an hour, and don’t even have to worry about the drive from Chicago to a small speck of a town like Amity Park. They spend the quick flight learning everything they can about Daniel James Fenton, the owner of the Twitter account, and they can all sense the growing tension from (and between) Bruce and Jason.
But, well. Jason doesn’t care. Let them be uncomfortable. It doesn’t compare to being ripped back into life and finding out his dad didn’t even get justice for his death.
When they reach town, it doesn’t take long to find the Fentons’ home. This is in part because Amity Park is a very navigable town, and because of the giant neon sign proclaiming FentonWorks on the side of the building.
“Is that a blimp?” Dick asks. “Why don’t we have a blimp?”
“Where would we keep it?” the Demon Brat counters practically. “Goliath takes up all of the Cave’s extra space.”
Jason rolls his eyes and knows veins would be popping out of Bruce’s forehead if it weren’t for the cowl.
“Let’s go,” Bruce says instead, and they all make their way to the house.
Nightwing, predictably, goes for the front door approach. Jason rolls his eyes as he takes one of the second-story windows and finds his way downstairs.
He gets down at the same time that a redheaded girl answers the door and nearly slams it in Dick’s face. Jason has to suppress snickers at the sight.
“Wait, wait, wait, are you Jazz Fenton? We need to talk to your brother!”
“...We?” she asks, then tenses and turns around to see the rest of the Bats in the hall behind her. Dick takes the opportunity to step in completely, closing the door behind him. “Wha— what’s going on?”
“Where are your parents, Jazz?” Bruce makes every question sound like a demand. Jason rolls his eyes from behind his mask—way to put the teenager at ease, B.
“Why do you need to know?” Her voice has a defensive edge to it. “What do you want with Danny?”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Nightwing comforts. “He didn’t do anything too bad, just said some dumb things online. It’s not his fault.”
This relaxes her, and her shoulders begin un-hunching. “Oh, s-so what’d he do?”
“He foolishly challenged The Joker to a battle in a ‘Nasty Burger’ parking lot tonight.”
“You could’ve had some more tact, Robin,” Nightwing scolds. But the Demon Spawn just crosses his arms.
“He did what?” Jazz shrieks. “Like, The Joker from Gotham? That Joker?”
“Are there others?” Red Hood comments dryly.
Her face goes through several different emotions—disbelief, rage, fear, and then rage again, “DANIEL JAMES FENTON! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!”
There’s a thumping noise, and then frantic footsteps down the stairs.
“Wha? Who died?” asks the figure of a tiny fifteen-year-old, smaller than even Jason had been when he was alone with The Joker. He’s tiny and lanky. Zero muscle definition. Eye bags to rival the Replacement’s. Something ripples in the Pit, deep and distinct, but he can’t name what causes it.
Oh, this kid is so dead.
“Danny,” says Jazz calmly while Danny blinks uncomprehendingly at the heroes in their hallway. She is solemn when she says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill you now.”
“What did I do?”
She stares at him, “Why have you scheduled a fight with The Joker?”
“Oh, that.” He rubs the back of his neck, “Is he taking that seriously?”
“Of course he is, Danny! It’s The Joker! That’s what he does! He can’t differentiate between a joke and reality! He would tear off his own face for the bit!”
“Oof,” is all Danny can muster. He digs his phone out and starts typing before Jazz yanks it out his hand.
“You’re fucking TWEETING about this?” Jazz asks incredulously, and Hood’s hackles rise. She even reads the Tweet aloud, “‘Just found out @TheJ0ker is being fr about fighting me. Sad but i can take a clown.’”
“I was gonna add ‘i’ve done it b4,’ but like the letter and the number four. But yeah.”
“You’re grounded forever.” Danny opens his mouth to protest, but the look Jazz cuts at him is so scathing that he shuts his mouth. Hood is reluctantly impressed—she had what could be cultivated into a fantastic Batglare. She pockets the phone, “You’re never getting this phone back. Taunting The Joker to Amity? Have you any brain cells? What if he brings Joker gas with him, huh? Or any of his goons? What if he starts hurting other people? Have you thought any of this through?”
Danny’s face goes from tired to chastised, his lips drawing into a frown, especially at the mention of other people.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t think that he’d take it so seriously.”
“He sent you your IP Address.”
“I thought that was just a random string of numbers?”
“Oh my god,” Jazz despairs. “Oh my god. Grounded forever. See, I know you're lying to me. I know you're lying because Tucker, the nerdiest tech nerd to have ever been born, is your best friend.”
He rubs the back of his neck, “I tune him out?”
“You’re still lying to me?” Jazz scoffs and turns to Batman, “Do whatever you want with him. I’m not going to defend him from this.”
“Hey!” complained her brother, but Batman just continued on, “Where are your parents?”
“They’re in Sweden for a science convention,” Jazz answers. “They left this morning.”
Damn, Jason curses to himself.
“Jazz, seriously. You’re not gonna let Batman kill me, right?”
“Do you want to be cremated or buried, Danny?” Jazz asks blasély, and Danny gulps, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.
“It’s my Twitter handle,” he mutters petulantly, and Jason can’t believe the gall of this kid. Or maybe stupidity. Audacity’s a good one, too. “If he wanted it, he should’ve gotten it first. And he gives clowns a bad name.”
“Not the clown thing again.” Jazz digs her palms into her eyes, sighs, then turns to the heroes. “He has a whole clown thing ever since Circus Gothica came to town and robbed a bunch of jewelry stores.”
Danny gestures wildly with his hands, as if demonizing clowns was the real problem and not the egomaniacal mass murderer who wanted to murder him for his Twitter handle, “Clowning is an art form, Jazz, and people like Freakshow and The Joker make a mockery of the very serious societal statements that clowns make!”
All of the Bats very carefully Did Not look at Nightwing, who has made very similar rants on quiet patrols.
“You are never leaving this house again,” she says serenely. “And I’m unplugging the wifi router.”
“You would punish even yourself?”
“Oh, little brother. I would watch the world burn if it meant knocking sense into your thick skull.”
“Okay, Christ,” Red Hood finally interrupted the siblings’ melodrama. An unyielding redheaded girl and a mouthy black-haired, blue-eyed boy? They’d fit in a little too well back at the Manor, so Jason needs to cut this shit out before Bruce’s bat-doption instincts start tingling. “Stop. Just… Christ. Stop. Is this how you always interact with each other?”
“Sometimes there’s explosions,” Danny pipes up, a cheeky grin on his face.
Jazz doesn’t dispute it.
Fucking hell. God damn it. I can’t. I just can’t.
Batman doesn’t give anything away, “Robin and Red Robin will be staying here with you until Nightwing, Hood, and I apprehend The Joker. First, we’re going to check the perimeter.”
“Oooh, I get to give the lab tour!”
Lab?
“No lab. You’re grounded. You’ll only be in there for cleaning duty now.”
“Wh– hey! No fair!”
“What’s this lab you two are talking about?” Red Robin asks before Jazz can rip into her brother again.
She sighs, “Our parents’ lab. I’ll show you, but someone needs to stay with Danny.”
“You act like I’m gonna run off and start World War III….”
“I wonder why,” she says sarcastically.
Batman nods to Robin, who nods back, and the rest of them follow Jazz out of the living room to a metal reinforced door. She types in a code—Jason catches the numbers 03-14-99. There’s an assenting beep, and she opens the door, flicking on the lights and leading them down into what is apparently a basement lab.
A stone settles in Red Hood’s stomach, cold and heavy.
The basement is large, likely the floor size of the entire building. There are several work tables, filled with miscellaneous blueprints and spare parts and weapons and tools. Against the farthest wall is another armored door, but what draws Hood’s—and the entire Batclan’s—attention is the south wall, where a circular hole in the wall was glowing a toxic Pit green.
The stone shattered in his stomach, splintering into his body. Is it harder or easier to breathe? Jason can’t tell.
“Wow,” says Nightwing. His voice is cheerful, but Jason can feel the stress beneath it. “Do I even want to know?”
Wasn’t this supposed to just be typical Joker bullshit?
“Our parents are ectobiologists,” Jazz explains nonchalantly, walking further into the lab. “As in, ghost biologists.” She pauses at one of the work tables, picking up a green and white thermos. Pretty boring, considering the rest of their surroundings.
“Ghosts.” Red Robin’s voice is carefully neutral.
“Ghosts,” Jazz reaffirms. “I know. I thought they were crazy at first, too. But I can prove it, if you like.” Then, without waiting for a yes or no, she untwists the thermos, and there’s a bright flash of white, and a whole entire body sprouting out of it.
“WHOO! I’M FREE!” cries the…being, pale and floating and lanky and entirely too big to have fit into a fucking thermos, of all the fucking things. “....And not in the Realms? Wait.” He stops stretching, descending to rest closer to the ground, but still hovering a few inches from the floor. He’s got green eyes and lifeless (ha) blond hair. He’s wearing a trenchcoat and a green skull necklace. Overall, he looks like the type of thug he’d arrest in the Bowery.
“Hello, Johnny.” The man’s—ghost’s?—eyes flicker around each person in the room, his gaze becoming more and more confused and panicked as he takes in each Bat, before settling on Jazz Fenton.
“Why are the fucking Bats here?”
“The Joker’s coming to Amity,” she says. The ghost’s eyes widen. Jazz tilts her head, “How many ghosts would you say passed away in Gotham, Johnny?”
As Jason and the Bats tense, this Johnny guy lets out a wicked laugh, “Oh, Doll, you have the best surprises. Why did we break up?”
“You did try to have my body possessed. That ruins any good relationship.”
“Man, but Kitty’ll love this. Thanks for letting me out of Soup Time, Doll.” He floats higher, “Any advice?”
She throws him the phone she’d confiscated from Danny and he catches it easily, “Everything’s on here. Have fun.”
“What exactly are you planning?” Batman scowls.
Johnny laughs, “Aww, don’t worry, Bats. Peace and love on Planet Earth, or whatever. We’ll make it quick.” Then, as the Bats leap into action as one, Johnny turns invisible, the Batarangs passing harmlessly through where he’d once been floating.
“Where did he go?” Batman turns his scowl, angrier than ever, to Jazmin Fenton, who stares back unflinchingly. “He’s going to solve the problem.”
“You mean he’s going to kill The Joker.”
She shakes her head, “Oh, no. That’d just be asking for him to come back as a ghost. Could you imagine a Joker with powers like invisibility, intangibility, flight, and more? Johnny can be impulsive, but he’s smart. None of them will kill The Joker.”
“Then what are they going to do?” Red Robin asks.
“My parents are ectobiologists,” Jazz repeats from earlier. “But I am more of an anthro-ectopologist. I am concerned with the study of ectoplasmic beings’ societies and cultures. And while it is very ancient, there is protocol in the Infinite Realms—that is, where you go when you die, should you remain after death—to prosecute living criminals who have killed a certain number of Realms citizens. So you don’t have to worry about your moral code, Batman. The Joker will be tried by a much fairer court than Gotham can ever hope to have. No offense.”
Jason stares at Jazz Fenton, who he’d pegged as the sane sibling. He’s not so sure now, but he can’t say he hates it.
“And how do we know it’s a fair trial?” Nightwing asks.
She waves her hand, “Oh, as Gotham’s Knights, you’re key witnesses. I’m sure you’ll be summoned to testify. You will see then. And don’t worry about your secret identities—the dead don’t care much for that sort of thing.”
“So if this is a ‘fair’ trial or whatever, The Joker’s going to be locked up forever?” Jason asks. “I mean, that’s the only option for shit like him.”
Batman sends him a look, but he ignores it.
“Well, there are several different punishments that could be deemed appropriate, but he’ll never be able to set foot in the mortal world again, yes.”
Jason Todd grins, “Oh, I’m glad your brother’s stupid, kid.”
She sighs, long-suffering, “Well, that makes one of us. Still, there’s more important things we should discuss now that you’re here.”
“More important than The Joker trying to kill your brother over a Twitter handle?” Red Robin asks doubtfully.
Jazz smiles, sharp and dangerous, and asks, ”Have you ever heard of the Anti-Ecto Acts?”
xxXxx
Several months later when Danny is finally un-grounded, he Tweets his last three Tweets before Twitter can become the foolishly named X:
Imagine bullying the Joker so hard that it not only lands the Joker in ghost prison BUT it also leads to major law reform in the US lmao someone make the domino effect meme about this pls
Y’allre replying to me with thanks like i did anything other than be an internet troll. My sister literally manipulated local, federal, and interdimensional law so you should be thanking her.
i just a babie 🥺🥺🥺
xxXxx
Thanks for reading! This is the whole fic, so pls do not ask for tags! Thank you :)
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#dpxdc#danny phantom#danny fenton#jazz fenton#jason todd#batman#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3#the joker#johnny 13#severely ooc
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On live television Elon Musk just told all the advertisers currently boycotting twitter over his antisemitic nazi shit to "go fuck yourself".
Next he made a shoutout to Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, who has pulled all the Disney advertising from twitter, and said "hope that's clear, hi Bob".
So in one breathtaking move Musk has (1) permanently alienated his advertisers, and (2) picked a fight with The Mouse, one of THE most litigious entities in human history.
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𝐏𝐫𝐨'𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐧'𝐬
Pairing: Nathan Bateman x GN!Reader
Summary: You make a smash or pass spreadsheet with friends, Nathan finds his part.
Warnings: Reader made fun of slightly but turns out well in the end, its just silly :)
WC: 836
It was a silly, fun little game. A night to let loose with friends, not hold back, no thinking or worries. Just a light-hearted tease. Simple.
It was not supposed to lead to Nathan Bateman storming up to you like a man on a mission, pupils blown wide in fury behind gold frame glasses. Ordinarily he wasn’t a man to be trifled with, even on his best days (as far and few between as they were), and everyone that worked under him, no matter how distant their role, knew to tread lightly.
Nathan was not treading lightly. The crinkle of paper clutched and creasing in his fist was all that accompanied the stomps of his boots on the carpet until silence reigned as he stopped in front of you, nostrils flaring.
“'Arrogant, rich asshole'?!” You’d never heard his voice so angry, so loud from the get go, and if your blood didn’t go cold at the quote you would have had the good sense to be more scared.
"‘Chewtoy biceps’, ‘Condescending in a sexy way’, Sexier Elon Musk!". It wasn’t looking good for you.
The group Google Doc wasn’t even your idea, listing the singles in your lives with the pro’s and con’s of sleeping with them in a “Smash or Pass” group call also wasn't your usual friend-groups past time, but you didn’t need much persuading to join. Nathans name being added to the pool hardly came as a surprise, but you boldly stamping Smash next to his name was.
It was a night of giggles and gasps, losing self respect in the name of forging deeper bonds, like girls at their first high school sleepover. It was not meant to get back to him.
“Mansplaining snob?!” The sharp words snap you back into reality from where you’d rabidly been trying to recall the words you typed that would now serve as your death sentence.
“I-”
“It’s not mansplaining when I have to dumb down simple fucking concepts for you to understand, sweetheart.” Despite the pet name, the way he waves the printed out screenshot in your face made it clear he’d kill you by death of one thousand cuts if he could.
How could you get out of this? You couldn’t, there was no way you’d come out of this with a job or reputation intact. It was a miracle he didn’t wait until you were in the middle of the office cubicles or a meeting to humiliate you. Then again the fact that he was furious enough to come straight to you with fire at his heels was equally terrifying.
“Wanna know what’d I’d say about you, hm?” His weight shifted on his feet, shoulders squared as he used every inch of his height to leer over you.
“I-I didn’t say this to your face!” A pitiful attempt at reasoning, as if the word mercy wasn’t something Nathan Bateman boxed for his morning work-out. Technically it was his own fault, he didn’t own Google, he shouldn’t be snooping in his workers private documents.
“Oh, okay then.” A higher pitch, raised eyebrows, the ghost of a smile. God, you were absolutely fucked.
And then he walked away. No stomping, no clenched first. It was the strut of Nathan that had just had a breakthrough.
This was off script.
The next few days were absolute hell. It was paranoia akin to living under witness protection after whistleblowing a major government conspiracy. Every email that came, every task assigned had you tensing and assuming this was it, this was the deathly blow.
Turns out the deathly blow was even less exciting than an email. It was an A4 piece of paper left on the centre of your desk, perfectly straight and ivory white.
‘Cons:
-Overly sensitive
-Acne marks
-Didn't go to Harvard
-Needs validation
-Buys shitty clothes, probably from Temu’
Maybe being simply fired when he first confronted you would’ve been the easier option, that or death by the thousand cuts.
Nathan was never a man to mince his words, if you had a weak point he’d punch it and blame you for having it in the first place. You also knew you weren’t perfect, this was a job you’d clawed your way to, losing several nails in the process. Half your mental capacity was spent simply trying to keep above water, who could blame you for wanting a little ‘Well done, good job!’ every once in a while. Clearly, Nathan could.
The paper became blurry, hot tears trembled in your eyes, threatening to spill right in the middle of the office buzz. And how would you explain? Getting fired while having every flaw listed by your incredibly wealthy, accomplished, genius boss?
Blinking back the tears, there’s only half the letter left to read and getting it over with sooner was better than later.
‘Pros:
-Funny
-Can keep up
-Nice ass
-Annoying smile
-Not materialistic
-Honest’
There was only one word left at the bottom, one line above a phone number.
'Smash.'
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Highlights of Glass Onion
1-Daniel Craig’s terrible southern accent
2-Daniel Craig as Benoit Blanc playing Among Us in his bathtub again Angela Lansbury and Stephen Sondheim
3-“it’s so dumb”“It’s so dumb it’s brilliant”“No! It’s just dumb”
4-literally the whole movie is about how dumb Elon Musk is. Also Zuckerberg. And whoever the fuck the other billionaire is. But also definitely Elon Musk.
4-Benoit Blanc is so clearly gay in such a casual way I love it
5-Janelle Monáe
6-The very clear messaging of ‘you will never take down a person like this through the legal ways so just beat the shit out of them until something gives’
7- everyone is clearly having the time of their lives making this movie
#glass onion#truly a delight#as good as knives out?#no but still a delight#it is so damn good at understanding the tropes of the genre#and leaning into them enough to make it work before twisting them enough to keep things fresh#and it does it in a different way from knives out#knives out says ‘you know whodunnit - and you want them to get away with it’ then throws that last twist in#glass onion says ‘this is the most fucking transparent plot but you won’t believe that because you want it to be complex and layered’#and you nod right along because despite the fact that the title tells you precisely how simple this plot is#you still expect layers of onion to be peeled back to reveal something new#it’s freaking amazing#and then a billionaire gets his house blown up because he’s an idiot#also that’s a very nice and controlled fire I’m very glad they’re not all dead
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so I know I'd be preaching to the choir if I told Tumblr not to verify their twitter accounts by giving their ID to Elon Fucking Musk but please pay attention to these movements too.
from: https://www.theverge.com/2023/9/15/23874854/x-twitter-verification-government-id-paid-account-benefits
[ID: A screenshot of an article that reads: A pop-up window for the feature notes that X is partnering with Israel-based verification company AU10TIX to facilitate the new authorization feature. All verification information — including photographs of user IDs and “extracted biometric data” — may be stored by AU10TIX for up to 30 days. This may explain why X updated its privacy policy at the end of August to include carveouts for “biometric information]
From twitter's own Verification Policy page: https://help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/verification-policy
[ID: A screenshot from Twitter's verification policy page that reads: (2) Safety and Security Purposes: In certain instances, X may require your government-issued ID when needed to ensure the safety and security of accounts on our platform. We collect this data when investigating and enforcing our policies and may request an ID verification in response to impersonation reports. Currently, X focuses on account authentication to prevent impersonation, and may explore additional measures, such as ensuring users have access to age-appropriate content and protecting against spam and malicious accounts, to maintain the integrity of the platform and safeguard healthy conversations.]
Then TODAY, we get this:
[ID: A tweet from Elon Musk: As I said earlier this week, “decolonization”, “from the river to the sea” and similar euphemisms necessarily imply genocide. Clear calls for extreme violence are against our terms of service and will result in suspension.]
Keep in mind, he said this A DAY after he said THIS:
[ID: A screenshot of Twitter. The first tweet from @breakingbaht says "Okay. Jewish communties have been pushing the exact kind of dialectical hatred against whites that they claim to want people to stop using against them." Elon Musk replies "You have said the actual truth."]
So a white South African, who literally just openly said some Protocols of the Elders of Zion shit was "the truth" is now saying that the word "decolonization" itself is a "call for extreme violence" that will put your account in jeopardy if you speak it. And per its own rules, Twitter can demand you provide ID verification if they have any vaguely defined "safety concerns". So they can send it to the government of the country that you just got suspended for criticizing.
Make sure you have people and a voice off of that platform. ASAP.
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[squints at the MCU] Tony Stark has displayed more ability to weather interrogation and torture than Steve Rogers.
This is "(displayed more)(ability)," not "(displayed)(more ability)," to be clear.
(I know fiction’s depiction of torture is famously propagandafied, but in this case, it’s not about torture for information so much as physical traumas shown on screen.)
(Anyway, have a rant I did on discord the other day.)
It's not really so much about "resisted the urge to hand over information" as "survived a truly harrowing experience and still came out of it trying to do good."
Tony's very first movie involves getting repeatedly drowned while in constant pain from bomb injuries as a civilian contractor, and I… don't think I can remember anything even a little similar with Steve
I don't think he's ever been captured for long before breaking out? All his injuries are in active battle, not torture.
Like... Steve went through something horrible with the ice and losing Bucky, nobody can argue that. But I think it's very telling, sometimes, that movie Steve, especially 2012 movie Steve, is completely unaware of the absolute nightmare that Tony experienced in his solo movies.
I have so many feelings about Tony Stark being the epitome of "guy who was raised and manipulated into being a bad person by someone he trusted, and (after a horrible experience) attempts to be a better person, constantly and consistently, even if he sometimes fucks up in the execution."
And the way that some fics elide his experiences in cleaning up other people's messes (first Obadiah's, then Howard's) and how that doubtlessly compounded his many neuroses from fixing messes that he did actually create himself is just
I have a lot of feelings
And am also feeling a little bitter and salty about how Tony Stark's MCU incarnation reportedly took some inspo from Elon Musk... and a little petty and satisfied about just how drastically we've all be shown that Musk can never live up to the idea of 'billionaire with inherited wealth who actually, without hesitation, risks his own life to save millions' that he tried to use PR to achieve in the media with 'my electric cars are gonna save the world' stunts about things he didn't actually have a hand in inventing
I'm just reading some fics I really enjoyed when I was still in the YA fandom, and there was a reference to a line Steve said in the movies and I started thinking (again) about how frequently fans take lines from Steve or Sam about Tony as gospel, because they haven't seen Tony's movies, and the lines from the star spangled boys are contextually meant to show that they don't know jackshit about Tony or his life, because they are directly contradicted by multiple prior films.
Also like... how often Steve's traumas get explored (in fic) in a way that Tony's just... don't? At most, his issues about Howard get explored, but that's it.
There's this moment in CACW that people take as Accurate and it infuriates me.
Tony Stark: [Back in the cell.] Just look. Because that is the fellow who was supposed to interrogate Barnes. [He shows a holographic image of Doctor Broussard.] Clearly, I made a mistake. Sam, I was wrong.
Sam Wilson: That's a first.
Which, like... it's a bad movie. Obviously. But also
That line is immediately followed by Tony revealing that he's here to help the others and is sabotaging the security to make sure Ross can't take advantage, and yet fanfic still uses Sam's quote to promote anti-Tony agendas!
And 'Tony admits he fucked up' is. Like.
Listen to me
Tony's first solo movie is fixing Obadiah's machinations. *
His second solo movie is fixing his Dad's fuckup.
His first team movie is fixing Thor's mistakes.
His third solo movie is fixing something that is only tangentially his fault.
It's not until AoU that the fuck-up is really his and his alone (well, not counting Bruce), and even then, even then, a massive portion of the blame is narratively laid at Wanda's feet!
And only then do we get this man, who has spent five movies seeing what happens when people don't take responsibility for their actions, or have anyone riding them to be ethical, who has criticized himself for neither having that oversight nor providing that oversight for people who snuck shit under his nose, that is when we get Tony weighing in on the side of "most countries on the planet are agreeing with this and it's for a reason, please work with me here, maybe we can get some of it rolled back to be less authoritarian and more reasonable."
* and removing himself from the military industrial complex he was raised and groomed to be in, but that's a system and not an individual act or a set 'villain'
Or as @firebirdeternal put it:
I would say that his first solo movie does have a large element of fixing his own mistakes too, it's just that his "mistake" was Trusting the Wrong Person and not taking personal responsibility for how his actions are affecting the world. (Which, he immediately does upon coming back from being captured? "We're going to immediately stop making weapons, because it's making the world worse" and then when Obadiah cuts him out of the company he goes "Oh. Okay no that didn't work, have to personally fix all this then.")
and yeah it's just
Tony have plenty of reasons to be on the side of "Someone needs to have oversight over this"
IM1 is such a good exploration of someone in privilege saying "this stops now" in a situation where they do have control because they have been confronted with their mistakes in a way that's unavoidable
It's also like, a great example of the fantasy of the Super Hero. Because Tony Stark, the businessman, even with all his wealth and knowledge, isn't able to stop the systemic harm being caused by His Own Company. One person isn't able to do that, even with the best of intentions. It isn't until he becomes something else, something more, a Super Hero, that he's able to make any kind of meaningful change on his own.
Like IM1 is just a phenomenal movie. It understood it's subject material so incredibly well.
And people skip it and then take Steve and Sam at their word about Tony's strength of character and moral convictions and I scream.
THIS MAN FLEW A NUKE INTO A WORMHOLE WITH THE FULL EXPECTATION THAT HE WAS GOING TO DIE
Yeah, like, that Jump on the Grenade mentality is something that he and Steve actually literally share.
They both had 'jump on the explosive to save people' moments in their introductory movies.
I find so much more strength and inspiration in stories like Thor and Tony, where they are inherently fuck-ups and were shitty people and they are trying so damn hard to be better, which is more Tony than Thor really, but both of them and their first movies are just. I find that more inspiring than Steve or T'Challa or any other hero who was already a good person and just Became Great.
Tell me about the person who has to struggle to find that moral choice. Tell me about Natasha dragging herself from her oceans of blood and Tony fighting the government over whether they have the rights to use weapons he's created and about Thor having to reckon with his family's power being born of imperialistic ravaging of other cultures.
I want to hear about the people for whom being good is hard and a choice they don't have to make, but then they make it anyway.
Also I stand by "I am Iron Man. [infinity snap]" being the most amazing bookend the MCU could have done and probably the best part of the Endgame.
#Tony Stark#character analysis#phoenix talks#MCU#Iron Man Movies#Iron Man#Avengers#AoU#CACW#AEG#torture mention
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The thing about debating whether or not Kanye really means what he's saying or if he's having a mental breakdown is that the distinction isn't really that important. I'm being so serious when I tell you that Fascism is about self-destruction. Fascism is about rage at the world and yourself for not being strong, not being in charge, not being the big man, not being an Adonis ruler hustler boss king. It's about jealousy and impotence and projecting your desire to die out on to the world that isn't rewarding your ego.
None of their beliefs make sense or can withstand the slightest bit of investigation because it doesn't fucking matter. Look at someone like Alex Jones, that slow-motion divorce of a man. Everything he does is in this prolonged death spiral. Nothing he says make sense of holds up under scrutiny. He doesn't think his actions through and there's no clear pattern to what he actually wants. But he makes it work because it appeals to people who feel the same, who's only real motivation is to lash out at the world for not rewarding their king complex.
THIS IS NOT SUBSTANTIALLY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A RICH MAN IS CHALLENGED, WHEN THE WORLD FINALLY TELLS HIM NO. Elon Musk is the same as Kanye is the same as Richard Spencer is the same as fucking Mussolini; they can't handle not being the king, they can't handle being challenged, they can't handle being contradicted. They want an impossible fantasy where they take and never give, where the whole world lines up to suck their cock clean. THIS IS THE ROOT OF OUR CLASS SYSTEM, THIS IS CAPITALISM COME HOME. It's not going to fucking end until property, state violence, and class end.
Fascism is when you're all cut up about not being a winner and decide to double down and punish the world for it. It's pathetic and nonsensical and halfway between a suicide and a cry for help. Except, when our society is based around rewarding this kind of puerile clinging to privilege, they get into the executive branch and decide that thousands of people have to die because of it! Because our nation states and corporations are not that far removed from this impulse!
What was that Umberto Eco quote again?
" By contrast, the Ur-Fascist hero craves heroic death, advertised as the best reward for a heroic life. The Ur-Fascist hero is impatient to die. In his impatience, he more frequently sends other people to death." -Umberto Eco, Ur-Fascism
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My Unpopular Hobie Brown Opinions (& Headcanons) - [Part 1/??????]
Excuse me excuse me i got some shit to say that needs to be said cause this just what i be thinking when i be thinking too hard cause i be doing that sometimes (photo is of me when i be thinking cause i be doing that)
_______________________________________________________
First of all - Hobie doesn't have a smart phone.
Those little fake text yall be making? Where Hobie has a blue bubble? Nah bro not happening.
You think Hobie Brown is walking around with Siri in his pocket?? Siri who listens in on you and responds to the things you're saying while storing your info?
He isn't.
And he's not on twitter either so you can put those fake tweets in the basket too
He's not scrolling on the bird app giving Elon Musk revenue and engagement
Hobie seem like the type to walk in your house and start bad mouthing your Alexa. Be in your kitchen like 'Hey Google, kill yourself'
He has never opened or witnessed Tiktok and he never will
AT MOST he has a burner flip phone like a plug. And even then you have to pray he buys minutes. Voicemail? FULL.
Hobie is not a player.
He's from the 70's - the strongest time for HARDCORE second-wave feminism. Like bra-burning. Plus he's in the punk scene. He knows better than to say some slick shit or pull anything
BUT if ya'll make it clear it's casual and you catch feelings.. damn that sucks for you
Also, Hobie Brown doesn't get jealous. Lets stop the cap right now.
Mans doesn't even believe in private property and you think he'd feel comfortable being possessive over his partner
ESPECIALLY if they're a woman?
And secondly what insecurities does he even have to make him jealous? Can YOU , right now ,even imagine a man that would make Hobie Brown insecure/jealous?
I'll wait.
Realistically speaking, if you're not punk he's not into you most likely.
You don't have to listen to the music or 'dress the part' he doesn't care about that i mean like politically if you aren't in the movement good luck
Like if you turn down going to protests, or organizing,
or you don't wanna do community service with him he's not gonna feel it.
And he'd most likely be into people educated and into thinks like communism, socialism, anarchism, etc. If you can't hold a conversation about the immoralism behind being a landlord, then yeah there might be some awkward silences
Also can't believe I have to say this but ACAB and I mean that.
If you fuck with cops, Hobie doesn't fuck with you. Unless they're your family and even then they're on thin fucking ice.
Hobie has one-on-one interacts with fascists cops on the regular. The actively know who Spider-man is and target him.
Of course he's gonna hate them, or vent about them. The same way his one good experience with Gwen doesnt make him like the Society, having one good theoretical experience with a cop wouldn't make Hobie not hate cops.
In addition, Hobie has canonically killed people and is willing to kill again any day of the week if he has to. He stays ready.
He's done it with his guitar and he'll probably do it again in the future
And if you're with him you'd genuinely have to be comfortable and okay with that.
What are you gonna do? Defend a fascist? Exactly
So if he comes home with blood on him that isn't his, how you react is on you-
He's still gonna sleep good as hell at night
Hobie isn't very romantic. Like at all.
He's not buying you flowers - that's a sexist trope. He's not taking you to the movies because fuck the studio execs. He's not celebrating Valentine's Day because it's literally made up and he'll only celebrate anniversaries if you REALLY want to
He probably isn't chivalrous at all because he doesn't think to be - it's outplayed. So he's not opening doors and pulling out chairs or nothing
I feel like he's the type that if you got mad about it he'd be genuinely surprised because it just doesn't occur to him to be romantic
He'd be like 'why the fuck do you need roses?? i mean i love you i can knick you some if u want??'
He'd probably feel like all that is superficial as hell, and show his love in other ways
like stressing that you text him when you get home or always asking if you've eaten
he'd be like 'had any scran' or 'you've eaten right?' and if you havent hed immediately turn and go looking for the nearest food to give you (food insecurity does that to you)
Oh and he is not getting married not even a hippie wedding
cause Hobies not buying a ring (gold mining causes suffering anyway) and he's not proposing and if his partner proposed I feel like he'd be shocked in a slightly uncomfortable way
I could absolutely see him being poly. Like either being in a thruple, but most likely just having multiple seperate partners who also have partners
i can see Hobie being a baby daddy. Not in the bad way. In the good way. But not in the Peter B. way.
Not elaborating on that last part it just is what it is
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okay ill leave this here before it gets long also no proofreading oop - but tell me what you think id love to hear your thoughts! What you agree with or disagree with and why :) im chill and nice and not a twitter person i promise lol
but also, I said what I said <3
#hobie brown#atsv#spiderpunk#spider punk#atsv analysis#hobie brown headcanons#marvel#spiderman#across the spiderverse
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dear tumblr
This is hard for me to say.
I think I--and all of us--need to apologize to you, tumblr. Yes, this is a hellsite, every possible design choice made is counter-intuitive to the aesthetics and logical processes of the brain of pretty much any humans, not just those who you cloned to get their skin that I assume you are wearing when you came to our planet for whatever shit aliens do and wanted to blend.
You are a dumpster fire, yes, but over the years, we were warmed by that fire or Stockholmed into thinking we were which is basically the same thing. We could leave--I mean, logically, I know that’s possible--but we don’t. Yeah, I got nothing, I can see the doors but I can’t seem to get to them.
Anyway, we were hostile. We did not defend you when other social media sites made fun of you. Which may explain those design choices, now that I think about it. Yes, you did set an ai bot to catch porn and thought we got off to sexy geometic shapes like triangles, but looking back, that was kind of charming and the memes were amazing. You’re still here--I genuinely do not know how you managed--and we still come here and are reassured to see you are still very weird but now sometimes there are crabs and bells. I don’t think you actively hate your users, either, you just don’t understand people or sentient beings, so maybe you’re just bad at showing affection and are super passive-aggressive.
Look, I”m saying you may be a hellsite but you are our hellsite and I don’t think we tell you that enough.
And right now, there is a fair to good chance that in the vast landscape of the giants of social media, you will be the last one standing and seriously, what the fuck? This was not on my bingo card in this or any alternative universe. You did it by dint of not actively hating your users and publicly picking fights with them then taunting them when they rebelled, engaging in random acts of self-mutilation of your infrastructure for lols or being elon musk. I mean, that’s a pretty fucking low bar, come think, and honestly, it shouldn’t be that hard to clear it, but you’re pretty much the only one who did.
I say this with total sincerity and a sense that reality is crumbling around me: congratulations. I think you are going to win the social media wars. I mean, yeah, you could disappear like tomorrow--I actually kind of expect that daily--but you will be the only one we won’t actively hate so yeah, you still win. I am going to drink--quite a bit maybe forever--in your honor.
Hugs and kisses,
seperis
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do people who disregard photosensitivity realize that seizures can fucking kill or do they just not care. do people not realize that their "aesthetic" "cool" flashing lights that happen without SUFFICIENT warning... are fucking capable of killing people. i dont even care if i sound pissy right now because i am pissy, im sick of feeling like myself and others with epilepsy arent even afforded the right to be an afterthought to most people. im not even photosensitive but ffs this shit makes me so angry.
seizures themselves can be deadly if they go on too long, theyre essentially electrical overloads in the brain, you know, that organ that controls the entire rest of the body? and seizures can result in injuries or death from falls. from choking on our own vomit. from drowning in our own bathtubs, if we think we might be safe to bathe and then get proven wrong. maybe someone just wanted to watch a video or movie while they took a spa day.
did you know that epileptics are more likely to die younger than those without epilepsy, with all those risks and more? and have you heard of SUDEP? sudden unexpected death in epilepsy, death without a known cause, a rare but very real possibility for us. it kills approximately 1 in 1000 epileptics a year, if not more since it may not be accurately tracked. thats thousands of us dead a year. we do not need you to add to our death rates.
"all these things are known risks, epileptics just have to be more careful-" epileptic people should not have to be on constant fucking high alert. how about instead, people just learn to give a shit about life threatening disabilities? it takes so little effort to just offer a CLEAR and VERY OBVIOUS warning AHEAD OF TIME, for a SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF TIME, before your stupid flashing lights. or just dont add them at all. are they necessary? are they really necessary? would you really fucking rather photosensitive epileptics have to be constantly on guard, IMPOSSIBLY on guard, rather than you just considering their safety? nobody can anticipate every instance of unexpected flashing lights they might come across. but you, creators, are able to provide warnings, and if for any reason you arent, then hire someone else to edit the warnings in or just get rid of the fucking lights altogether.
again, my epilepsy is not photosensitive, but i will never stop being protective of my photosensitive siblings. my own life is scary enough with the form of epilepsy i have, i cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to have to maneuver through the world with photosensitivity, and i dont want careless assholes to go killing my fucking community because you dont give enough of a shit to worry epileptic people. i am pissed off and emotionally exhausted and the shit with elon musk having a flashing gif on his twitter account was the straw that broke my back today so youre getting a pissed off PSA. everyone better start doing a whole damn lot better.
link to the CDC page about SUDEP
link to the epilepsy foundation site page about seizure risks
people without epilepsy are encouraged to reblog but know that i am already angry and will not tolerate bullshit on this post. give a fuck about other peoples lives and safety or im blocking you.
#sudep cw#sudep tw#actually epileptic#epilepsy awareness#photosensitivity#photosensitive epilepsy#''im just gonna make a quick bitchy vent post'' proceeds to write paragraphs on paragraphs with citations so im taken seriously lol#anyway. photosensitive epileptics i am kissing you all on the foreheads#everyone please take your meds and stay safe out there#happy last day of disability pride month since thats still happening too. ofc elon pulls this shit now.#disabled#disability#disability pride month#disability awareness#disability pride
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i know there are bigger things to talk about regarding the whole elon musk thing, but i think this is the most validating thing that's ever happened to me. i have been shitting on this man since age twelve. everyone i know has had to listen to me dunking on the privatized space industry because my special interest was space exploration and i fucking HATED his stupid monetization of the literal solar system. he talked about colonizing mars and i fucking SEETHED. everyone i knew was like "oh he's not that bad. he's helping space exploration!" and i just sat there. fuming. because i knew.
and now everyone knows he's a dickhead. thanks for finally making yourself clear, elon, because now my conscience can rest and twelve year old me knows peace at last. ahh.
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