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reasonsforhope · 6 months

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I can't take the state of the world anymore, every day things constantly get worse and there's literally nothing we can do. Every time things get better they're immediately undone by forces more powerful than us. I just want things to go back to the way they were before when it felt like there was hope, now it feels like humanity is doomed and will never, ever get better. I just want to die so I can finally know peace from this evil.

Hey. I'm really, really sorry you're having such a hard time. That sounds like an incredibly painful headspace to be in.

Please find someone you can talk to and who can help you - whether that's a peer counselor or a good friend or a trained mental health professional. Especially a trained mental health professional, if you can. You can find a really thorough list of crisis hotlines listed by country here.

Also, I realllllly recommend getting off any websites or social media that are contributing to you feeling like this, or at least block all the people/tags posting things that are making you feel like this. Negativity bias is real - the news/internet doesn't accurately reflect the world and neither does the way your brain perceives it

In the meantime, a few quick words/facts of comfort. I hope they can give you at least some reassurance or solace.

We literally have more reason to hope we can solve climate change than ever before x

Starting about six months ago, major international energy reports have come out for the first time showing that we have a visible, concrete path to staying under 1.5 degrees celsius x

Twenty, even ten years ago, scientists talked about whether we could possibly manage to limit global warming to 4 or 5 degrees Celsius. Now, those numbers aren't even on the map - we're talking 1.5 or 2 degrees Celsius. We've cut expected warming in half in under a decade x

Renewable energy is growing so exponentially it's now "unstoppable" x

Two hundred years ago, in 1800, there wasn't a single "liberal democracy" - a democracy that gives all citizens the right to vote - on the planet. Just over one hundred years ago, in 1900, there were five of them. Today, roughly half the countries (aka roughly 100) on the planet fall into this category. International politics is so often two steps forward, one step back, but this is actually an astonishing pace of progress in the grand scheme of things x

For all of human history, until just over 200 years ago, roughly half of all children died. Across times, across cultures. Half of all children died by the age of 15. Half of them. Today, globally, that same child mortality rate is only 4%. We did that. We changed what was previously an eternal, inescapable, and horrific condition of human existence, and we are going to keep making that rate go down x

Two steps forward, one step back, is still moving forward. There are so, so, so many reasons that we are not already doomed. There are so many reasons to think the future is going to be bright

To anyone struggling with thoughts like this: please, please give yourself the chance to see it

#Anonymous #ask #me #I am so so not a trained mental health professional or qualified to help people with this stuff #please talk to people who are qualified to help with stuff like this instead!#climate change #climate anxiety #climate hope #child mortality #humanity #good news #hope #cw sui ideation #cw sui mention #depression #climate grief #climate crisis #climate news #hope posting

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thisisnotthenerd · 3 months

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follow up to the rat grinders' leveling post: the bad kids if they did xp leveling.

the rat grinders' leveling post

now that we know what level the ratgrinders could potentially be, let's look at the bad kids.

using milestone leveling, they are level 10 right now. i want to know how that compares to the xp they would have earned.

not all of the creatures they have defeated have been standard monsters from the monster manual, so some of these are going to be guesswork and estimations.

obviously there are some split scenarios; they're not always together during battles, some of them are buffing and achieving other objectives.

this breakdown is going to go battle by battle, for the sake of simplicity, with everyone splitting the xp 6 ways, no matter who killed the target. also i'm going to find xp levels for their humanoid adversaries that they've killed, because they presumably get something for them. also they killed ragh, but revivified him; do they still get xp from his death?

freshman year:

corn cuties + corn blob + doreen:

this encounter works with a spawn point and boss monster; 14 corn cuties are spawned, and seven are killed before riz goes up the corn blob's butthole and shoots the parchment. doreen is killed by adaine, and riz shoots the paper out of the corn blob.

the corn cuties have <9 hp, and based on their damage output, i'd rate them a CR 1/4, so 50 XP each, for a total of 350 gained across the party.

doreen has <11 hp, and based on her damage output, i'd rate her a CR 1/2, given that she has multiple damage options that took several of the bad kids out at 1st level. 100 XP to adaine, but for the encounter it's distributed across the party

corn blob: based on the way it behaves, i would consider it similar to a glabbagool, with pseudopods and engulfing attacks, as well as self-healing. for the sake of the encounter the win condition was not hit point sink but rather getting rid of the enchantment on it. CR 2, so 450 XP.

total XP count: 900 XP, divided by six is 150 each.

johnny spells & the tiefling greasers:

this encounter was a combination of hit point sink and car chase; they killed several by sending them offroad.

one of the greasers died after taking 10 + 3d6 damage, so i'm assuming they probably have anywhere from 20-25 hp. damage output is usually 6-8, which to me says 2d6. so i'd call them CR 1, or 200 each, for a total of 1200.

johnny spells takes 15 + 11 damage before he dies. his damage output is higher than his fellow greasers and he has other spellcasting prowess, so i'd call him CR 2, for a total of 450.

total XP count: 1650 XP, divided by six is 275

the black pit undead:

a little more complex, because the win condition is fleeing from the encounter, so i'm estimating for the big three 'villains' of this encounter and then adding a multiplier for the encounter as a whole.

dj brainzz & the zombies: standard zombies are CR 1/4 (50 XP), and assuming a total of 10 or so, that's 500 from the zombies. from dj brainzz, i'd say something like CR 3 (700), given the abilities he uses, but with hp nerfed to fit the encounter.

sasha, lord of whispers & the vampires: vampire spawn are CR 5 (1800 XP), and 2 had a significant effect, but i'd say that since they aren't technically defeated, i'd half the xp gain (1800 XP)

jawbone & the werewolves: werewolves are individually CR 3 (700 XP) and there were 2 that had a significant effect, but again, none were killed, so we halve that number again (700XP)

total XP count: 3700 XP, divided by six is ~616 each

dwarf skaters + golem:

again a separate win condition; the dwarves run instead of being defeated after fig releases gorthalax. so again, estimates with a multiplier

torek and the dwarves: torek is at least 5th level, since she can cast spirit guardians, so i'd put her at a CR 2 (450 XP). i counted 5 other dwarves, who'd be CR 1/2 each, for a total of 500 XP. totaled it's 950.

crush is like a huge stone golem (CR 10), but is nerfed by the half-pipe, so i'm applying a .66 multiplier, which comes out to 3933 XP.

total XP count: 4883 XP, divided by six is 813 each.

bloodrush skeletons + ragh + daybreak + owlbear:

they got the orb and chest figured out and somehow also made this a hit point sink.

skeletons: individually are CR 1/4, or 50 XP each, but there are 10 or so of them, so i'm applying a 1.5 multiplier to the total, which results in 750 XP

owlbear: pretty standard; CR 3 for a total of 700 XP

ragh: i'd pretty comfortably put him at CR 5, for a total of 1800 XP. they get XP for ragh because they killed him.

daybreak: i'd put him at like a CR 9, based on his use of indomitable and number of attacks, so a total of 5000 XP.

total XP count: 8250 XP, divided by six is 1375 each

aelwyn and her elementals:

smaller split to figure out this time; just aelwyn and her elementals.

elementals: all CR 5 (1800 XP). i think i counted 8: air (2), fire (2), water, earth, slime, and shadow, so that totals to 14400

aelwyn: she casts time stop with aguefort's watch, not from her own magic. i'd put her at like 14th level, and thus CR 9 (5000 XP). they get the full amount because they do defeat her--she doesn't flee or get fled from.

total XP count: 19400 XP, or 3233 each

biz + the arcade ghosts:

a couple of objectives here--getting the girls out, avoiding the traps, and questioning biz, so this split will also consider the arcade traps as part of the cr of the encounter.

ghosts: CR 4 (1100 XP) individually. assumming there's 10 of them, that's 11000 XP right there.

traps: save dc is probably 15, which would set up the games to dole out anywhere from 1800 to 2900 XP. i'm leaning towards the low end, just to contextualize biz. 4 successful captures and releases, so 7200 from the games.

biz is doing a bunch of complex enchantments and summonings. I would set him equal to aelwyn and thus CR 9 (5000 XP).

total XP count: 23200 XP, or 3866 each

the harvestmen:

we don't have a technical count for most of these, so it's going in as a general number for the party, given what they gave up to be at prom and save their families.

fabian gets a little extra for killing bill; i would estimate that bill is CR 10 minimum, so fabian gets 5900 from killing him, even though he didn't do the deed fully.

total XP count: 10000 XP, or 1666 each

kalvaxus, penelope & dayne:

simple splits here; ragh is not being included because he was pretty easily convinced to be an ally.

dayne: i'm using daybreak's stats to put him at a CR 9 (5000 XP)

penelope: high level spellcaster like aelwyn, so she's also a CR 9 (5000 XP)

kalvaxus: adult red dragon. CR 17, 18000 XP

total XP count: 28000 XP, or 4666 each

freshman year total:

99983 as a group, based on these statistics

16663 for each individual. so if the bad kids were running on xp, they'd only have gotten to level 6 cumulatively, and level 5 non cumulatively.

we can probably assume that they receive some xp while attending the AAA to make up the difference; otherwise the school wouldn't really serve a mechanical purpose in this scenario

oneshots: i know not all of them were there for all of these. i am sticking to the 6-way split, because i can assume the missing members would have made it up somehow.

occularia:

she's a beholder. CR 13 (10000 XP)

5 party fouls:

there are 5 of them: the gorgon of shade, minotaur of stunts, centaur of sloppiness, harpy of songs, and sphinx of solitude.

gorgon: CR 5, 1800 XP

minotaur: CR 3, 700 XP

centaur: CR 2, 450 XP

harpy: CR 1, 200 XP

sphinx: CR 11, 7200 XP. i'm going to half that because she got done in by a pun.

oneshots total: 16750 total, or 2791 each.

the going total is then 116733, split into 19455 each. so the bad kids would be around level 6, cumulatively and non cumulatively.

sophomore year:

i know there are hirelings this season. i am maintaining the 6-split because it's easier. this will mostly be addressed by only covering the creatures that the bad kids themselves face.

cambion, barlguras, vrocks:

we're dealing with a couple things here: fig and riz are separated and the party is split. the demons have reinforcements.

cambion: 1 of them. CR 5, 1800 XP

barlgura: total of 8, 6 killed. CR 5, 1800 XP. total of 10800 XP.

vrocks: 2 of them. CR 6, 2300 XP. total of 4600 XP

total XP count: 17200 XP, or 2866 each.

whitclaw + pirates + elves + air elemental:

i am not counting fabian's first attempt, because he doesn't really accomplish anything.

mindflayers: 8 of them. CR 7, 2900 XP each. i'm halving this number because while they get some hits in, i don't think they kill all of them. 11600 total.

elves + elemental: 4 CR 9 spellcasters (20000) plus the elemental (1800). 21800 total, halved because they do not defeat the elves. 10900 total.

whitclaw: i'd put him at around CR 11 (7200 XP), since this includes his magic items and specialized skills

total XP count: 29700 XP, or 4950 each

fire elementals, tree constructs, kir & angwyn:

fire elementals: 3 of them, CR 5, 1800 each. total of 5400

tree constructs: using tree blight stats, with 4 constructs. CR 7, 2900 XP. 11600 total

kir & angwyn: 2 CR 9 spellcasters (10000). i'm giving full value for these because they get them pretty well.

total XP count: 27000 XP, or 4500 each

tiefling greasers + alastair ash + penelope + daybreak + dayne + harvestmen(4) in hell:

a little bit different to how they were freshman year--some of these have stayed the same while others have gone up.

tieflings: i'd say CR 3 (700 XP), but there are 8 of them. so i'm adding a multiplier of 1.33, for a total of 7448 XP.

penelope: still a CR 9 spellcaster based on the spells used, but i'd bump up to 11 given the difference in spell use and damage output. total of 7200 XP.

dayne: still CR 9. 5000 XP.

harvestmen: based on my freshman year estimate, i'd put them at CR 4, or 1100 XP. 4400 XP total.

daybreak: daybreak has changed, now having legendary actions to command his 'troops'. CR 13, 10000 XP total.

total XP count: 34048 XP, or 5674 each

nightmare forest:

similar to family in flames, i'm giving a general estimate for xp gains from the nightmare forest.

total XP count: 30000 XP, 5000 each

angwyn abernant:

this one is exclusive to adaine, because she did execute a fully separate kill beyond what she faced in the forest. angwyn is a CR 9 spellcaster, and thus adaine has 5000 xp extra, much like fabian got from killing bill at the end of freshman year.

nightmare king possession + court of elders + transubstantions + kalina + arianwen:

nightmare king possessed hirelings: i'm going to estimate CR 8 for each of them, so 3900 each, for a total of 11700. XP gained from dispelling the possession.

court of elders: i'm going to estimate that all of the court of elders are at least CR 10, with the centaur and wood elf at CR 10, treant and sprite at CR 11, and the unicorn at CR 12. total of 34600

transubstantiations: this is things like dispelling the dragon madness, cutting down the tree for the broomstick, etc. if you take the tree's hp at around 200 iirc, each transubstantiation is a CR 9 task, for a total of 15000 XP earned.

kalina: she has six attacks, and a variety of intensive illusion magic. she's also prevalent throughout the season in a lot of very complex ways. i'd put her at around CR 18, because even though she's a transubstantiation, she's remarkably difficult to defeat. 20000 XP from kalina

arianwen: high level spellcaster, given that she can power word kill. i'd put her at 18th level, and thus a CR 13, for a total of 10000 XP

resurrecting and naming a deity goes so far beyond the scope of XP that i wouldn't even know how to count it. also the bad kids never technically attack the nightmare king, so the xp would go to gorthalax, who actually attacked. i'm not counting the nightmare king.

total XP count: 91300 XP, or 15216 each.

sophomore year total: 229248 XP, or 38,208 each

going total is 345981, or 57663 each. for cumulative, that works for level 9, for non-cumulative, it's level 7.

night yorb quest:

yorbies: the bad kids have technically unknown amount of yorbies, assume several hundred total. in the fight we saw, they fought ~15 or so grunts. assuming they're around CR 3, that's 700 per. 10500 XP in this fight alone (1750 each), 70000+ XP (11666 each)outside of this particular battle.

the night yorb: in a logical progression from what the bad kids have faced, i'm making the night yorb CR 19, worth 22000 XP (3666 each).

total XP count: 102500 XP, or 17083 each.

The Bad Kids' cumulative total of XP prior to the start of their junior year: 448481, or 74746 each. cumulatively around 10th level, non-cumulatively around 7th.

by comparison, if we use my estimate of 2000000 XP for the rat grinders, they're looking at 333333 each, which is 19th level cumulatively, and 11th non-cumulatively.

now, if we assume an xp model, the 'special treatment' that would enable the bad kids to be almost level with the rat grinders is counting the bad kids cumulatively, and the rat grinders non-cumulatively.

from the perspective of arthur aguefort, this makes sense. he doesn't even like the bad kids; however, they are going out and following his method of adventuring--popping off and saving the world, sometimes from problems you've caused. meanwhile, the rat grinders are devastating the local ecosystem every day for 3 hours a day on weekdays, and 9 hours/day on weekends.

also this scaling speaks to the fact that continually grinding on the beginner level creatures has diminishing returns--always doing the easy thing is not going to help you progress; challenging your limits will.

i hope this is also useful.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #dimension 20 meta #thisisnotthenerd's d20 stats #musings on the solisian school district #milestone vs xp leveling #the bad kids #fantasy high #fantasy high sophomore year #fantasy high oneshots #fantasy high junior year #rat grinders #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high spoilers #d20 fhjy #d20 spoilers #long post #the perils of xp leveling

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s0lar-ch3ri · 3 months

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what if i wanted to make another insane promo post?

yeah, ik, its promo time again. BUT this time around i do wanna add in the post both my cousin and niece

one thing i did get wrong, heartz is my niece, starz is my cousin! this will basically be going over what each of these 2 do (...and im also adding in a bonus competitor/promoed person, well actually 2 because I GOT A CHANNEL YIPPEE)

each channel will be seperated up so yeah lets go!

first channel:

Starzzz.andgalaxy (my actual cousin, lol) is a great yter who absolutely deserves to be celebrating more then just 170 subs! since shes actually here with me, i can let her say a lil something on the matter:

"hello! I would love to reach 200 subscribers at least, I think my hard work should not be for nothing!" <- her typing

shes very very fun (and also with this i hope all the god damn hate comments shut lol) and does very cool things such as:

Roblox videos

(comment is from me lol, we'll get there soon) For right now these are just rating videos of her avatar, but I find them very fun (plus since I play roblox if needed I can help with filming lol)! Not much to say on it cause it's not a common kind of post, so onto the next form, which is:

2. Art

As you can see, she does very cool art, this one in particular is a tutorial on how to draw bodies. Is it the best? No, but the fact she's trying makes it great! (this is also where I've seen a couple hate comments come up, so yeah, I'm trying to be mature enough to not commit violence for her upon them) She does admit this video isn't her best work, but she does A LOT of very very cool drawings! Go check them out and her channel of course! There is one thing she also posts about which I love most of all...

3. Paper Dragons!!

(the first image is her first dragon, second is her most recent i think) I don't get how these things are "paper furries", but I do know THEY ARE SICK AS FUCK. I got to see one in person and they're very cool, all with different stories! I honestly wanna ask for one but right now, I'm gonna stick with watching them.

Channel link can be found here:

(this section was finished on january first of 2024, so at the point of this being posted she wont be over here, but i had her here so yeah :D i love my cousin)

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Second channel:

Heartzzz.❤️ is my niece, and she does similar content, but still does good content! A couple of videos of Starz and Heartz are them promoting each other, so yeah. While she is on vacation and can't be here to give her reasons to subscribe to you, I certainly can!

Memes

One thing I forgot to mention my cousin doing (well, actually my cousin's section is just kinda old because it's from when she last came over, but she's back to help me again, yay!) is making memes like this. Sometimes they do involve a paper dragon, but I think they're pretty funny and/or relatable (also dragons very cool)!

2. Edits (and Undertale related things)

I'm putting these 2 in the same category just because of the example image above. While my cousin has recently started doing edits, Heartz is the only 1 of the 2 to make anything Undertale related. While the Undertale stuff comes once every blue moon it seems, that doesn't make it any less enjoyable.

I actually found in her description a run down on what she does post, so here:

Link to her channel can be found right here:

(okay ik this section was really short, again, she posts similar things to my cousin, and i didnt wanna repeat, so yeah, if you want more reason, here's what the cousin herself says: "[Heartz] is really nice, she's a good artist, and she's creative"; time i finished this section was 1/15/2024 lol)

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third channel:

Boli and gang (or as their original user is + the profile picture says, Boli the bear) is the channel belonging to 2 kids I babysit! They're pretty new to making content, but they have a promising start already! Currently, their content consists of...

Animations

One of them has really been getting into animation, posting things like ball loops and such on their account. They're very interesting to watch personally!

2. Cool places

I'm not sure if this is going to be a common theme, but there is around 3-4 videos of places like this one. I have to admit, this has to be the prettiest of them all.

3. Art (+FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's Content)

This is another one grouped together, but because this is the first drawing related one I've seen. They're very big FNAF fans, of course leading to things like this. Is it the best? No, but they tried very hard of course, and maybe you could leave some tips for them to improve with!

(they also post memes and funny videos, but I'd rather not do repetition; FINISHED THIS ALSO ON THE 15TH LETS GOOOOOOO)

Link to their channel can be found here:

Oh, one final reason, their profile picture is super cool! Can you guess who made it? This actually provides me with the perfect transition into...

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fourth/final channel:

ITS ME!!! FINALLY I CAN STOP DOING PROPER ASS TYPING

yeah, i have a youtube now, and there's like nothing on it minus a couple videos. all of them are made back in like 2021-2022? cant really remember, but i posted them for younger me's sake. i have like a couple more to get through, but afterwards im probs gonna do a bigger variety of content! art videos, jrwi edits, animations, rambles, essays, you name it! (might even stream again on twitch if that seems what the people like lol)

you may want actual reasons to subscribe, but i currently dont have any. i can only make promises of better future content, but right now i can admit theyre shit. i dont post often, its only oc related rn, all very vague, nothing that interests most people on my blog (cause i know a lot of you are here for jrwi content, huh?). this channel, the choice to subscribe is fully up to you, im not gonna sell myself to it, im simply just saying its real.

Link to the channel is found here:

if you at all took the time to read through my part, i appreciate it, but please do actually check out the other 3. after all, you can always find me here, but you cant find the others anywhere else!

(FINISHED THE REST OF THE POST ON 1/15/24 LETS GOOOOOOOOO)

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corn-fanfiction · 6 months

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SAVIOUR COMPLEX (PT. 2)

Rated: M

TAGS: language/ drunk and disorderly content/ Mark Hoffman being a c*p/ reader is normal and likes to do normal things/Mark is protective bc it's his job but he's also problematic/ because he's a cop

(Pt 1)

The next day, you go into work as normal.

Scratch that- you do everything as normal. Brush your teeth, get dressed, eat a bagel and have some coffee, lock your door as normal.

What is not normal is the car idling outside your apartment. The windows are somewhat tinted, but you can still see the silhouette inside. You grumble, sigh, duck your head. But you still hear the car door open and close as you try to flee.

"Y/n! What the hell are you doing?"

You stop, turn.

"Walking to work. Same as I always do."

"You're in witness protection and you think you're gonna walk 15 minutes to work?"

"What happened to keeping out of each other's way?"

"Get in the car."

Your eyebrows shoot up in shock.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just trying to do my job. Get in the car."

"Look, whatever happened with you at work is none of my business so don't take it out on me. I'm walking, unless you wanna arrest me I'm not getting in the back of that car."

For a split second you see something flash across his face that you realize is him actually considering it. But he drops his hands from his hips, mutters something, then gets back in his car. You're half worried he'll roll next to you the entire time, but he speeds off, presumably to the restaurant. Whatever, you think. 15 minutes of peace.

You feel a bit more energized by the time you reach work. It's a brisk morning. Smoke curls into the air from a cigarette pinched between the lips of a line cook on a milk crate. He nods to you and smokes to the end of ashes and embers. A bell rings as you enter from the backdoor into the server's alley. You move to your locker, decorated with peeling stickers that had been gifted to you by your previous mentor. When you came in five years ago, you didn't have any stickers for your book or your locker, so you got to pick from the bottom of the bin. A Budweiser bottle, a Limp Bizkit logo, and a Hello Kitty silhouette. Not you at all, but has become you still.

"Y/n!"

You turn. Around the corner, Gerry pokes their head, which is riddled with blue hair and silver piercings. A little younger than you, but you still always thought they were so cool.

"You have a table."

"What?? I haven't even clocked in yet."

Gerry shrugs. "He asked for you."

Your stomach sinks, and you know exactly who is waiting for you.

After you clock in, you fold your apron and fasten it around the front, tucking your book into the pocket. You blow out a puff of air, straighten out your shirt, shake out your hands, then step into the front of house.

Immediately you clock Mark sitting at the corner table of your section. Fury lights you up and you fight the waitressing urge to grab a menu and napkin.

You storm over to him and he looks up from his paper like an asshole.

"No menu?"

"I don't wanna get fired after shoving it up your ass."

“Assaulting a police officer?”

“You can’t be here.”

“It’s my job,” he returns his attention to the paper.

"At the very least, you're taking up a two top."

"I tip."

You scoff. "You're fucking unbelievable."

"Can I get the chicken salad?"

So he's been in here before. Asshole didn't even need the menu.

"White or wheat?"

"Wheat?"

"Toasted?"

"What do you think?"

"Raw, then?"

He smirks and you feel the blood rush to your face. You elect not to respond. He better tip you 200% just for getting on your nerves.

Your other tables are fine. There's one that tips you like shit but you know it won't kill your earnings. And, luckily, Mark does tip well and leaves when he's done. You do get a sense that he's waiting in his car outside. You almost feel bad for the guy. Almost.

And yeah, you know he's only doing his job and he didn't ask for it. But if this is what the first day is like, who knows what you're in for in another month.

God, another month? You should be so unlucky.

Once lunch shift is over and you do tip out, Gerry catches you.

"Hey! I'm pulling a double but do you want to go out tonight?"

You toss the idea around in your head. Gerry is the only one who can get you out of your apartment. Otherwise, you're happily indoors, watching a movie or trying and failing to knit. You also consider the fact that Mark will probably have to sit in the corner grumpily and the idea makes you smirk.

"You know what? Let's do it."

------

You know what you're doing.

You know what you're doing and he hates it.

Sure, being at the restaurant was his own, weird little form of entertainment, but at least he bought something and tipped you well, despite your poor attitude. But this is rude. He has important work to be done, and he can't have your little rendezvouses fucking it up. He needs to shake you, and fast. The best he can do is lie low as Jigsaw until they determine you're no longer in any danger. Not that you are, anyway.

That is, as long as you don't keep getting in his way.

You're going out to a bar which, even though he knows you're safe, is still monumentally stupid because you don't know that. And you're all dolled up for some attention.

Mark shakes his head from inside his car. However much you get on his nerves, he's not a misogynist or anything. Yay, you get to go out and look nice doing it. Meanwhile, he has to babysit you. He just hopes your tolerance is high or you don't drink too much. The last thing he wants is to drag your ass out of that bar and tuck you in at home.

Granted, you're not foolish enough to walk this time, but he knows you'd rather eat glass than have him drive you, so your friend from the restaurant picks you up. He follows.

It's not the seediest place ever, but it's definitely not a bar he'd frequent. He gives you and your friend a moment before he follows in behind you. He finds a high-top table and sits. It's not the kind of bar where someone takes orders, so he just sits and watches you.

You do seem looser than before. Your hair is down and your lips are red and your skirt is tight. You're doing shots with the friend from work- the one with the blue hair. A couple of guys come up and offer to buy you two drinks and Mark straightens a little, awareness on higher alert. But you don't seem bothered, so he decides not to worry about it too much.

An hour passes.

You're on your fifth tequila shot with a beer between and he's starting to get worried. Not that he thinks you can't handle yourself, even if you can't, but from the little speech you gave him in his office, it doesn't seem like your usual evening. Maybe that's a good thing, but he still keeps a watchful eye on you.

Another hour passes.

He glances at his watch impatiently. When he looks back up, you're wobbling over to him and he shifts, ready to balance you or walk you to the car.

"At ease, detective," you slur with a mock salute. "Gerry's taking me home when we're done, so you can skeedadle."

Mark scoffs. "Gerry may be taking you home, not that they seem in any position to be driving, but I leave when you leave. Just act like I'm not here."

"Well, your glaring is scaring people away. I'm having a hard time enjoying myself when you're staring every suitor down like you're my possessive boyfriend or something."

Jesus, is that what she really thinks? Mark wonders. That he's trying to drive people away from you?

"Just doing my job, sweetheart."

The pet name slips out between his lips before he has the good sense to bite it back. He hides his genuine surprise with himself with a sneer.

"And what a shit job it is," you mutter. "Not even gonna buy a drink?"

"I'm on the clock."

"You look like a fuckin' narc, dude."

"Probably because I don't want any drunk assholes to bother me."

You give it a moment to sink in, then scoff, then turn away, heading back to the bar. He hadn't meant it like that, not exactly, anyway. Oh well. It got you to leave him alone.

A third hour.

Mark decides this isn't healthy behavior, because at this point you're going to get alcohol poisoning or something, especially judging by your shit tolerance level. He also just wants to go home and sleep. Fuck his night job, he's tired.

He stands and comes up behind you and Gerry, tapping the bartop between them. Gerry sees him first.

"Ugh, get lost, creep!"

Mark ignores them and turns to you. "I think it might be time to go."

You roll your eyes and the action makes you dizzy. "Fuck you, Hoffman. You're not my fucking mother. If this is how I want to spend my evening, let me."

"I wouldn't give a shit except it's my job to make sure you're safe, and right now your sense of self-preservation has gone out the window."

Gerry looks between the two of you. "Y/n, do you know this guy?"

You blow a raspberry at your drink. "Unfortunately. It's a long story. I'll tell you once he leaves." You shoot daggers at Mark.

Mark sighs, braces his hands on his hips. "Don't be difficult. Remember, I'm a cop. I got no problem hauling you out of here."

You gawk at him. "Do you want to lose your job, golden-boy? Cause that's not how you get back on the team with the other big kids."

You're really grinding on his nerves now. He's actually trying to help you and you're too drunk to know it.

"Okay, that's enough."

Mark makes the mistake of taking you by the bicep and you shrug him off with a surprising amount of strength, but it still takes you out of your seat.

"Get the fuck offa me!" you hiss. The look in your eyes spells out danger and the willingness to make a scene, so he puts up his hands.

"Just come outside, then."

"Hey, buddy. We got a problem, here?"

Mark turns and behind him stands one of the two men that had been hanging around you earlier. Fuck. People are starting to quiet down and watch what's turning into a show. Mark curses himself.

"No problem. Just helping the lady."

"Well maybe she doesn't want your help."

The man steps closer. He's taller than Mark, sure, but also buzzed and therefore too disoriented to really threaten any damage.

Still, Mark needs to diffuse the situation.

"Look, why don't you and your friends go get another drink and let me do my job, alright?"

Mark turns back to face you but the man lands a hand on his shoulder, and when Mark turns around again there's a fist coming for his face. On a sober day Mark would not be faster than this guy but the alcohol has made the stranger sluggish, so Mark is able to catch his fist, twist his arm, and slam the guy's face against the bartop. The bar has gone dead quiet. Mark retireves his badge.

"Detective Mark Hoffman, LCPD," he says to the crowd. Then, to the man he says lowly, "Now, go get sobered up and we'll call this a friendly misunderstanding, hm?"

The man nods frantically and Mark lets him up, shaking off some wayward tequila that the ruckus has spilled. When Mark looks around for you, you're gone, along with Gerry.

"Fuck," he mutters, and sprints out the front door.

You are crouched down, back to the brick of the building as Gerry runs a comforting hand across your back. Mark spots you and approaches.

When you see him you stand and move back.

"Get the fuck away from me, you psycho!"

"He was starting something he couldn't finish so I took care of it. Are you ready to go home, now?"

"Fuck you, pig!"

Gerry comes to stand between you two.

"Okay, let's all cool off for a second. Now does anyone want to tell me what the fuck is happening?"

Mark sighs. He doesn't want to explain himself to anybody else, but if it gets you back to your apartment, he'll do it.

"I'm a cop. She knows me. I've been assigned her case. Now, could we please get in my car so I can drive you both home?"

Gerry looks between the two of you. Begrudgingly, you nod.

"Fine," Gerry says. "But I need to hear more."

------------

Gerry is passed out in your bed. You two have known each other for so long that sharing it isn't a problem at all, and you want them to be comfortable. They were content with the explanation you and Hoffman both were able to offer.

Now, you and Hoffman are on your couch. You have a glass of water in your hand and he's loosened his tie. You both look worse for wear.

"I'm sorry that happened, really. I know you don't like this situation, I don't either. But he put his hands on me."

"You can't just dislocate someone's shoulder because they touch you," you mutter. "Fuckin' cops get away with anything."

"Like I said, I'm sorry. Hopefully he's gonna go home and sleep it off. Better than spending a night in a cell. Speaking of," he stands and groans. "I'm probably gonna go home now. I think I've caused enough trouble."

You watch him with tired, puffy eyes as he goes for his coat.

"I know it's late. You...want to sleep here? Sofa's not great or anything. I don't know how long your drive is..."

You have no idea why you offer it in the first place. You don't like him. He doesn't like you.

But...

Maybe there's something to be said about him taking his job so seriously, even if it inconveniences you. And his apology did seem genuine. And if he really wanted to be a dick, he could've thrown that guy in jail.

Not that it excuses any of it. But still. It's late.

Mark watches you carefully as you go over all this in your head. But he finishes putting on his coat and straightens out the collar.

"Thanks, but I really should go. And you should get some sleep."

"You too. You look like shit."

He laughs. "Well. Goodnight."

"Don't punch any more drunk people."

"I won't."

He leaves. You shuffle up from the couch to lock the door behind him. Your fingers pry between the blinds and you watch as he goes down the sidewalk to his car. Unlocking it, he spots your eyes and gives you one last wave- and he's smiling. You find yourself waving back. Maybe it's the sleepiness or the drunkness. Maybe it doesn't matter. You hate Mark Hoffman, but maybe you hate him a little less than yesterday.

Maybe you'll hate him less tomorrow.

But probably not.

#mark hoffman #mark hoffman x reader #saw fanfic #fanfiction #angst #hurt/comfort

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gdbatbitch · 3 months

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I've been really ill the last couple of weeks. Turns out to be due to the medication that replaces the thyroid hormones, now that I am minus that thing, was all out of whack. So I had to go in for more testing/ultrasound/medication changes.

I'll be doing follow ups every few weeks for a while, at least a couple of years. This is mostly to monitor my thyroid levels. Because guess what? Even though the thyroid is gone, there may be tiny thyroid "fibers" that still remain, and unless my levels are tightly controlled, the cancer could come back. Hence the constant monitoring.

All this has cut into money for bills. I'm late on my rent and just don't have it to pay. I barely made my car payment, and it was late. I got stuck with a $200 electric bill even though I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. It's all just gotten real bad in a hurry.

I feel like I've been perpetually in the rock and the hard place, only it's medical bills and just regular bills, and they're both doing their best to crush me. So I need to push this all over the web as far as it will go. I'm still not close to my goal, and at this rate, I may have to push that goal out a little farther to get to where I need to be.

And right now that's really hard to even get up some days. Since my levels went wild, I've been unable to eat much, and when I have, I get sick. Or like with that nice bowl of soup I made a couple weeks ago my body decides to be sick before I even get a chance to eat it. Then there's the fatigue, brain fog, GI issues, my mental health just falling apart, and the inability to stay warm. I'm sitting here with two sweatshirts on and a space heater running next to me. It's 72 in here and in the 50's outside. I'm still shivering. So in case you're wondering how bad a thyroid can mess you up, it's BAD.

Not to mention, I've been trying to work a full time job while all this is happening, and it's been absolutely miserable. I go home at the end of the day and just collapse. So I'm asking to please make a donation if you can, and also share this around as much as possible. Donations have been pretty thin on the ground as of late, and it's been the only thing that was keeping my head above water. Please.

#mutual aid #fundraiser #thyroid cancer #fuck cancer #cancer

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smileiii · 4 months

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Dazai is immortal

Manga/anime spoilers for bsd!

Recently (due to my bsd obsession) I have heard some cool theories, and included in those was one that I found really interesting.

What if Dazai was immortal?

Like we all have seen the stunts he pulls and yeah most people would definitely die from some of that, but what if he was just hard to kill and not immortal?

So I just dismissed it until I read the manga (mind you this was before season 5 was out) and saw him falling in the elevator, now I'm curious because idk about you but that seemed like it had a 100% mortality rate and he shouldn't have gotten out of there with only a broken leg.-

I looked up how far a person needed to fall for it to be fatal and found an older post referencing a paper from NASA.

https://ntrs.nasa.gov/citations/19930020462 (Said Nasa paper)

In the post in the last line, they state that someone falling 17 m/s (17 meters per second) is almost guaranteed not to survive because what kills you isn't the fall but the abrupt stop at the end.

Now I did even more research on how fast your average elevator would fall and found an interesting question posed, the theory that if you jump at the last minute you would be able to save yourself in a falling elevator, below that was an article written by a researcher at Western Sidney University, detailing how your timing should be and also telling us the speed of your normal elevator, focusing on our previously stated point, the elevator would fall at around 200 km/h ((200 kilometers per hour) 55 m/s) meaning if there was no method used to stop the elevator or cushion the fall Dazai would 100% be dead, squished to nothingness (as the article, above mentioned, stated that in some cases the loose metal cables just crush the elevator as soon as it stops)

If Dazai were to use the 'jump at the last second method' he would still die.

Here is a picture of the article stating how fast you would have to react at certain heights and (mostly) hinting at how high your chance of survival would be, considering the average height of an elevator to be 2 meters. Looking at the panel in chapter 106.5 we see linings at the side of the elevator shaft which (when compared to the actual elevator) seem to have a spacing of, again, roughly 2 meters, pair it with the fact that they have already been falling for several seconds (as short as they may be) we can estimate that the fall was AT LEAST over 15 meters most likely even 20.

So no, Dazai should in no way, shape, or form have survived that.

In conclusion, he's immortal, or even death doesn't want him. (being immortal is cooler tho so let's go with that)

#dazai osamu #osamudazai #kafka asagiri #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd #bsd theories #bsd thoughts #theory #thoughts #immortality #immortal

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floating-mid-air · 1 year

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Under The Mistletoe

Hi everyone! I've returned once again. Firstly, I want to say thank you for 200 hundred followers! It's crazy to think that someone as inconsistent as I am could reach 200 followers. So I've decided to do a little two hundred followers special! This is part one (of two lmao) of holiday-winter-themed fics. (The other one I have planned is a Goku x reader btw)

And thank you so much for your constant love and support. I never would've thought there'd be so many people who would actually enjoy my writing. I've been writing for practically my entire life, and I always get bored of the fandom I'm momentarily obsessed with, but I always seem to come back to this one. And I think it's because of all the kind words and support. And as always, my DM's/comments are always open if you have any comments, questions, or concerns.

Hey you! Yes you! Check out my Masterlist

Paring: Vegeta x F Reader

Rating: None

During this time of year, there's always one thing you know you can look forward to. And that's Bulma's yearly holiday party. You're not sure how she does it, but she seems to outdo herself every year. And even if the party wasn't extravagant, you'd still look forward to it. Because the most important thing to you is being around all of your closest friends, having all the people you love together for at least one day out of the year.

Usually, You'd be skipping, singing carols all the way to Bulma's. Nothing could ruin your good mood. But this year is different. This year you have the Grinch trailing behind you. You and Vegeta have been "together" for a while now. You've never defined your relationship, but you think you're dating? Nothing's ever clear with that man. And if you asked, you know you wouldn't get a clear answer. He'd probably just yell at you, calling you a "foolish woman."

With every step you take, your disdain for Vegeta's grumbling grows. Normally you can deal with his chronic complaining. You even tend to find it amusing, but not today. "Can you at least pretend to be happy?" You snap at him. It was bound to happen. It's a miracle that you lasted as long as you did.

"That would be a waste of my energy. Besides, my awful mood is your fault." Vegeta scoffs. "Dragging me to the blue-haired woman's absurd gathering.... with your idiotic friends."

"They're your friends too." You roll your eyes. He's sometimes just so infuriating.

"They are not my friends! I put up with Kakarot and those earthlings for your sake."

"You're such a killjoy." You sigh. You're not even sure why you keep bringing Vegeta to these events. The only thing it seems to do is ruin your day. "If you're going to keep acting like this. You can just hog the buffet table with Goku and then sulk in a corner of the room like you always do." You won't let Vegeta's crummy attitude bring you down any more than it already has. So you do the thing every responsible adult does in a healthy relationship. You ignore Vegeta the rest of the way to Bulma's place.

You finally get to your destination. You walk through the front door with Vegeta only a few steps behind. "You're here!" Bulma shouts, running over to you, throwing her arms around you. When she pulls away, her gaze lands on Vegeta, who is now standing beside you. "Vegeta." She rolls her eyes at him. It's no secret that the pair don't get along. Vegeta grunts, nodding his head. It's clear that's the best response she'll get. "Come on, the others are already here."

Bulma leads you further into her house, but you're stopped when Yamcha enters the hallway. "Bulma, can you tell--- Oh, hey, Y/N.... Vegeta." Before Bulma can scold him for not waiting in the main room like she asked, he speaks again. "Hey, look, Mistletoe." He wiggles his brows at you. You look at the ceiling to find the familiar green plant hovering above your head. You've always found mistletoe to be pretty. It's always perfectly tied together with a bow. "You know what that means."

"What are you going on about, you moron?" Vegeta furrows his brows at the taller man.

"When someone's standing under the mistletoe, you kiss them. It's just a fun holiday tradition." Bulma tells him.

Vegeta scoffs. "What an idiotic tradition. It's pathetic, even. Do humans really need an excuse to kiss their lovers?"

"Oh, come on, Vegeta. It's bad luck if you don't kiss her." Vegeta rolls his eyes at Yamcha's explanation. There's no such thing as luck. You work hard to succeed. "Well, fine, I guess I'll have to do it then."

Vegeta's head snaps toward him, his eyes narrowing. "Come near her, and I'll snap you in two!"

Yamcha holds up his hands defensively. "I was joking!" He shifts to move behind Bulma. "I don't have a death wish." He mumbles under his breath.

You turn to Vegeta, crossing your arms at him. "Oh, you can't be serious!" Vegeta shouts. "You'd let that neanderthal put his lips on you because you're standing under a stupid plant?"

"I'd let you kiss me under the mistletoe." You've never really thought about kissing your partner under the mistletoe before. It's not like you've chalked it up to be the most romantic holiday gesture of all time. But just for once, you wish Vegeta would go along with your "silly" human traditions.

"Well, that's not going to happen." He turns his head away from your gaze. "I'm not going to degrade myself like that."

You huff, puffing out your cheeks. "Fine. Forget it." Your face falls as you push past Yamcha and Bulma, walking away from Vegeta.

"Someone's in the doghouse," Yamcha mutters.

"Oh, come on, woman!" Vegeta shouts. "You can't seriously be upset over something so trivial?"

As the night goes on, it becomes clear to Vegeta that your annoyance with him wasn't just one of your temporary moods. You'd normally come over to him and pull him out of his solitude at these events. But right now, you refuse to meet his gaze. You won't even look in his general direction. Looks like Yamcha was finally right about something. Because Vegeta is definitely in your doghouse. If he knew something as stupid as refusing a small gesture of affection would upset you so much, he would've just done it before.

Vegeta huffs, swallowing what's left of his pride. You, a human woman, with your pathetic human emotions, have no right to have this much control over him. Vegeta strolls over to you, grabbing your wrist, pulling you up off the couch. "Vegeta!" You shout as he begins dragging you away. "What the hell? Where are you taking me!" You finally break free of his grip when you enter the hallway. "Why are we out here?"

He ignores you, placing his arms on your shoulders. He moves you a bit forward. "Stay there."

"Stop ordering me around! I'm not doing anything until you explain!"

He sighs. "You daft woman. Look up!" You shift your gaze up at the ceiling only to find the same green plant that was hovering over your head just hours ago.

"But I thought you think kissing under the mistletoe is stupid?"

"Oh, believe me, I do." He pauses, his cheeks flushing. "But it'll make you happy."

"Vegeta." Before you can get another word out, he places his lips on yours. His lips feel so warm, as they move softly against your own. This is nothing like your usual kisses. Rather than taking your breath away, he's settled for making your heart swell.

He pulls away, placing his forehead on yours. "Are you pleased?"

"One more." Your voice is barely audible, but Vegeta definitely heard you.

He smirks. "You're getting greedy." But he complies, teasingly brushing his lips against yours.

"Vegeta." You whine against his lips, causing him to chuckle. He decides to stop teasing you, firmly pressing his lips against yours. Your lips are like a drug to him. Every time he gets a taste, he just wants more. Maybe he's truly the greedy one? He pulls you closer, wanting to feel more of you. But before things can go any further, you pull away from him. "We... We need to stop." You pant, putting some space between you.

"You're usually the one begging me not to stop." He snorts.

"Vegeta!" Your face flushes. "L- Let's go back inside." You grab his hand, pulling him back to the party. Maybe this whole Mistletoe thing isn't so bad after all? In fact, Vegeta can see himself getting used to it. Think of all the opportunities he'll have to fluster you in the future.

#vegeta x reader #dragon ball x reader #dragon ball fanfiction

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chronic-zero · 4 months

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Top Surgery Commissions

hello!! i'm a 21 year old transmasc trying to save up for top surgery within the next few months! any support would be greatly appreciated, even just reblogs. programs i use are Clip Studio Paint and ProCreate

Payment forms accepted:

Paypal - @chr0niczer0

Venmo - @Chronic-Zero

Cashapp - @chr0nicZer0

* Prices are non negotiable.

* Backgrounds affect pricing, but price will never exceed the maximum amount.

* Please have a general idea of what you want me to draw, or describe the personality or feeling of the character! :)

* DM for further questions or to discuss commissions!

Bust

sketch - $15

colored - $20

shaded - $25

Half

sketch - $30

colored - $35

shaded - $45

Full

sketch - $55

colored - $65

shaded - $75

Doodle page

(includes at least 4 sketch-style drawings of your characters. poses created by me, at least one fullbody.)

sketch - $50

colored - $100

shaded - $150

Fully Rendered

(includes semi-complex backgrounds)

bust - $100

half - $150

full - $200

Comic Page [2000x2300]

sketch - $250

colored - $300

shaded - $350

Backgrounds

simple - $15

(shapes, brush strokes, textures)

sketched - $50

(a room or landscape/cityscape)

add value +$25

add color +$25

semi-complex - $150

(not fully rendered sketch backgrounds. line-art, value & color included. overall more clean looking.)

complex - $200

(fully rendered backgrounds)

animations

* For Animations, I will accept half of the final price up front and the second half upon completion of the storyboard.

* The project may take many months to finish. If there is no substancial progress within a year, you may request a refund.

* Substancial Progress may be qualified as:

* Finished Storyboard

* Finished Lineart

* Finished Coloring

* Finished Shading

* Math will be used to determine your final price, it will be gone over with you.

* I regularly change my frame rate depending on the type of animation im creating. My prices will be based around this, as well as length & complexity of the project. Animation is hard work & takes time, please do not argue with pricing.

* All time caps are defaulted to 1 min (unless it repeats) if it goes over this, the price of either FPS or Tweening will go up x2 for every 30 seconds.

* Example:

* Past 1 minute, an 8FPS animation would go from $5 per frame to $10 per frame.

* Another 30 seconds would make it go from $10 per frame to $20 per frame.

* If possible, provide your own audio. If not, please give time stamps for the audio/song you've requested.

* I do not edit audio to include extra lines such as voice lines or mixed audios.

GIFs

* Follows the same general guideline for still drawings, but combined with regular frame prices.

* All GIFs are animated at 8FPS, can range from 1-5 seconds

* All GIFs are inherently lined & colored. Shading is extra.

Bust - $15 per frame

(Shaded - $20)

Half - $30 per frame

(Shaded - $40)

Fullbody - $60 per frame

(Shaded - $80)

* GIFs may have 1 background*

* (*See background prices)

Animatic

* Sketch

* Characters will not be 100% sketched out in every frame. Please do not expect this.

* Animated at 8fps (frame by frame)

* Priced per 30 seconds - $50

* Light tweening may be requested

* Script Required

* add ons;

+ Backgrounds (see prices above.)

* You may decide how many backgrounds there are within the final piece.

+ Shading - $25

Memes

* Animated at either 12fps (Frame by Frame) or 60fps (Tweening)

* (FPS) Priced Per 30 seconds ($75)

* (Tweening) Priced Per 30 seconds ($50)

+ Shading - $10

* Memes must have repetitive action, if they do not then they qualify as an AMV

* Meme format may be changed, but you must give me a script, or a general idea of what you want me to create. If possible, give visual examples.

* Script Required

AMVs

* A combination of regular & FPS prices

* Example:

* A full bodied & colored piece would be $75

* This would be divided by minute due to the high pricing

* So something 12FPS with 12 frames, would be $900 Per Minute

* Divided by half would be $450 Per 30 Seconds

* Something 8FPS would be $600 Per Minute, cut in half would be $300

* Frame Rate x 75 = Final Price

* Includes:

* Line work

* Coloring

* Shading

* Backgrounds

* It is meant to be expensive.

* Script Required

PMVs

* A combination of regular & Tweening prices.

* Priced by Second instead of by Frame.

* Example:

* Tweening is $50 Per 30 seconds

* A fully colored & shaded drawing would be $75

* This would make every 30 seconds, $125

* (Tweening/Editing price included)

* Script Required

examples

art instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chronic.zero?igsh=OG81dDh1Nm5iZjdt&utm_source=qr

youtube - https://youtube.com/@chr0niczer056?feature=shared

#my art #digital art #top surgery #top surgery commissions #transgender #transmasc #transitioning #lgbtpride #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #csp #clip studio paint #procreate

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semper-legens · 2 months

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10. Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon

Owned: No, library Page count: 863 My summary: Claire Randall was not expecting much adventure from her honeymoon to Scotland. It's 1946, and the country is still healing from the trauma of the Second World War - Claire and her husband were looking forward to a quiet time away in the country. But when Claire stumbles into a set of standing stones, she finds herself in far over her head. She's fallen back in time, back to 1743, and her husband's great-great-great grandfather has his eyes on her. But Claire has bigger problems. Will she ever get back to her home time? And, given her growing attachment to the young Jacobite she met in the 18th century, will she want to? My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

Well. This is. Not something I expected to find myself reading, I'm not going to lie. I'm gonna straight-up admit that this is due to prejudice on my part - this series is the kind of thing that I associate with middle-aged women, and I don't generally read middle-aged women fiction. But I gave this a shot. It's a romance, which isn't usually my genre, but it's also historical and political and wider than singly the romance story, which is why I wanted to give it a shot. To be clear, there's nothing wrong with romance inherently, I'm just not into it as a genre, so I'm not necessarily gonna enjoy romance if there's nothing else that's in it for me there. Anyway. All of this to say, I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I was going to, and I'm a little salty about it.

(Warning for talk of rape and sexual assault under the cut.)

As you can tell from the page count, this book's huge, so I'm not gonna talk about every aspect - just a few that jumped out at me. So let's talk about our main characters! Claire and Jamie, a 1940s nurse and a 1740s Jacobite. They're so endearing. Claire is full of personality - she's hotheaded, she's stubborn, she's got a lot of contradictions and flaws, and she's intensely competent. Despite coming from nearly 200 years in the future, she's never really patronising or demeaning towards the people she finds in the past, which is nice - particularly as the narrative also treats them as full people with intelligence as well. Jamie, on the other hand...damn, this is my sorta character. A big strong long-haired history boy with a tragic backstory? Like, I know that Jamie's characterisation is largely there to be appealing to the presumed-straight-woman reader (he's buff, respects Claire, has a tragic backstory and constantly needs healing, etc) but it also falls into my camp of My Favourite Little Woobie. Helps that he's also funny, sweet, and sensitive when need be. He's got depths beyond his character outline, and I like that.

In a historical novel, I'm always looking for how the narrative relates to historicity, and this holds up pretty well. I don't know much about the Jacobite uprisings, but the events presented here are at least plausible to me. Similarly, I don't know much about the intricacies of Scottish politics and Lairds, but as presented here it seemed fine. There's a witch hunt about 20 years too late, but Gabaldon straight-up admits that in the author's note at the back, so like, I can look past that if it's an active Choice. One thing that impressed me was that the characters had historically-plausible attitudes, like misogyny or thinking that smacking kids is okay, and that's dealt with as a part of the narrative. Claire doesn't agree, and after Jamie hits her for disobeying him, she gives him an ultimatum - don't hit her again, or she walks. And he swears to never hit her again. We also see him explain his history with the concept and his point of view, and while I don't agree with him, I can totally see where he's coming from, particularly in the historical setting where he lives.

And it's subtly pointed out that people in the past weren't idiots. While Claire is bringing 20th century nursing techniques to the table, most of the 18th century characters are shown to have reasonably sensible attitudes to medicine. Sure, Jamie carries around a dried mole's paw in his sporran to ward against rheumatism, but also the healers Claire encounters are using herbs to heal in the same way she is, and know how to dress and treat wounds. There's a lot of violence, but there's a lot of complex politics underlying that violence. Things are complicated, and I very much appreciated that.

The final thing I want to talk about is how this book relates to sexuality. First of all, I genuinely enjoyed how horny Claire was! As someone who's sex repulsed, the sex scenes in this book weren't gonna appeal to me in the way that the author intended, which is fine. But it was pretty cool to see Claire actively enjoying sex, both with Frank and with Jamie, and having an active sexuality. And also, there's a lot of emotions underpinning the sex and sexuality - Claire doesn't choose Jamie because he's hot, she's emotionally attached to him too, which is nice. Similarly, I liked that Jamie is a lot less sexually experienced than Claire, particularly as Claire is a more modern woman. He's not exactly a blushing virgin, but he's inexperienced, and that's interesting to see from such a masculine male character. After all, pop culture will tell us that manly men fuck constantly and often, so it's nice that Jamie is a manly man who hasn't really fucked before.

The secondary element to this, however, is how the book uses rape and sexual assault. Claire is under threat of rape a lot, and some of it felt gratuitous - it seems that men are threatened with death and women are threatened with rape, which is gendered in a way I didn't like so much? On the other hand, there's Jamie. At the end of the book, Jamie is jailed by Randall, and Randall rapes him. Like with his earlier virginity, Jamie isn't treated by the narrative as though he's emasculated by this, his trauma is related to just being a rape (and torture) survivor. On the other hand, it's uncomfortable how the explicitly gay or mlm men in this story are characterised as being rapists and assaulters, particularly of younger men. It would have been a lot harder to be a gay man in this time period, but that doesn't mean that every gay man sexually assaults younger men. I don't think the rape in this book is by necessity inherently badly portrayed, but I didn't particularly like the overabundance of it here.

Next up - we're back to the Andes, for yet another trip into the world of survival cannibalism.

#Outlander #Diana Gabaldon #bookblr #book blog #book blogger #4

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historia-vitae-magistras · 11 months

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I'm so late for this but, how does Matthew scare Alfred with his Catholicness? My own personal experience is just seeing an altar at my friend's devoted Catholic household 😭

So this is a very large and very complicated topic but I'm giving it a go. It's something that's mostly historical, a good chunk of the US is Catholic now but even 100 years ago that was a lot more controversial and 200 years ago unthinkable

Catholic Canada to the north, Catholic Mexico to the south. Early British colonists feared encirclement. This is the period in Americans history where colonists hadn't yet made it across the Appalachians and New France technically does surround it, it's just not settled.

Early American colonists, especially extremists in New England who later became WASPs were regularly raided by French Canadian settlers or First Nations groups aligned with France. Those settlers were often hauled to Quebec City to be ransomed if they were important, often in retaliation for the British seizing French ships which could easily cause food shortages in Canada. I wrote this happening to Alfred once and Matt bailed his ass out. It was probably the first time Matt disobeyed Francis actually. Also racism, because the French had much higher intermarriage rates with First Nations than the British though rather lower than the Spanish.

The British in America framed the world as Britishness and protestantism against French Catholicism. The perpetual wars between France and England, The war of Three Kingdoms or the English Civil War resulted from religious strife and other factors. Puritan paranoia was fueled by the proximity to Catholic Canada. Alfred's own overly adorable eldritch strangeness that lead to his turn doing the witchcraft conga might have been fueled in a small part by too much contact with Matthew as it was very common for less whacko New Englanders to trade and interact with French Catholics on the frontier. Religious strife was very much a source of pain and trauma for Alfred. Later, The Quebec Act of 1774 which was very generous to the French settlers the British had conquered a decade earlier because they ran out of money to do anymore ethnic cleansing like they did to the Acadians. This was one of the intolerable Acts that led to the American Revolution. It was quite literally allowing the antichrist to live on their northern border. Alfred is just really uncomfortable Arthur isn't forcibly dunking Matt at least into the Church of England. He loves Matt and I can see him being one of those weirdos who go "I fear for your immortal soul burning in the hell of the heretics" earlier in life.

But protestants to this day will call Catholic apostates (I'm technically a Catholic and was called this last year) the pope is the anti-Christ, yadda yadda. This is pretty much a non-issue for Matt now, except he gives Alfred shit like "Still having nightmares about stained glass and joy?"

The Irish had more problems than French Canada ever did, largely because of the French Catholic help the Americans got in their Revolution. But it was still a very real factor of discrimination against Irish and Italian Americans, and still is today for Hispanic Americans and Filipino-Americans especially. French Catholic Canada was scary because French Catholic Canada was armed. The Canada of history, especially for New England was a shadowy entity that stalked settlers in the woods and hunted them, raided them, killed and terrified them. That is not the case today, to put it mildly. Alfred's image of his brother is very selective. Cute broken baby he was when he was conquered, sweet and snuggly baby with too big blue eyes. Alfred is powerful now, he doesn't like to think about when he wasn't and Matt didn't automatically come second. And he loves Matt dearly so letting the religious trauma of their childhood become a thing Matt gives him shit about and Alfred rolls his eyes at was the more appealing offer.

#the ask box || probis pateo #matthew || my country is winter #alfred || o beautiful for spacious skies #fairybait || baby alfred being chunky and cursed #meatsack mechanics || the sociology and biology of nations #alfred and matt || lonely boys with the longest borders

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fuck-customers · 1 year

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I loved my job when I got it but three years later it's taken a rapid descent into me hating it.

There's nothing I enjoy about it anymore. The things that were nice about the job (time off as needed, I can listen to music all day, I work with animals and I love seeing them every day, decent pay raises) have either become not worth it, something my coworkers have made terrible, or something the joy has just been vacuumed out of.

One coworker listens to music, tiktoks, and musicals on her phone without earbuds and extremely loudly. It's just her and me in the room. I'm stuck in there for 4 hours on a mindless task and I'm beginning to lose it. I hear her bullshit even with two earbuds in. My coworkers don't treat me like a person. I'm left out of everything. They ignore me when I speak. They move my supplies and the one who MAKES the materials for my job just doesn't sometimes, sometimes for a full week or more, which costs me multiple hours of work. I've been here longer than anyone and I don't know what I've done to deserve this. I've barely interacted with them. I love the animals still but I don't enjoy interacting with them as much as I used to. I clock in and out and spend every day either numb or angry. I get home and I want to cry.

I spend my days off dreading the next shift and my heart rate has gone up. I get up before work and I want to die. I have no energy at all. It's work, come home and shower, force myself to eat since I don't have the appetite before work or the money to order food at work since it's in the middle of nowhere. I'm barely sleeping. I need to go to therapy but that's $200 a session and I don't have time anyway.

I don't have options. It's this place or nothing. I'm disabled, I won't pass a drug test because I use d8 (legally) for pain, and everything around here starts at $9/hr if I'm lucky.

I want to stay in bed tomorrow and no call no show until they forget who I am. But they won't, and I'm the only person trained to take care of the animals. No one else has this job. I was their first employee and I'm irreplaceable and they know it. I basically skipped Friday without any consequences because what are they supposed to do? It's me or find someone who'll take the job and spend half a year training them.

But I want to leave so badly and I can't. I won't let the animals suffer because of me. Even if I'd love to leave the people there frantic to replace me.

I'm trying to schedule a meeting with my boss to request consistent hours, a decent raise of at least a dollar, and some fucking peace and quiet so I don't have a mental breakdown at 10 in the morning. Oh, and maybe figure out why grown fucking adults are pretending I'm invisible. Maybe if that works it'll get better working there again.

If not.. I guess I'll just continue to be miserable until I wake up one day and just can't bring myself to get up at all.

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uldren-sov · 7 months

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iiiiif u don’t mind me asking, I’m super curious about Synne’s thoughts during the Legend of Ansur questline. how did she feel about its conclusion and Ansur's fate? (I know Roan was *so* excited but afterwards he’d rate the experience as worse than being tadpoled)

idm you asking at all!! actually loved the legend of ansur quest and I was SO SAD when there was no unique kind of dialogue or anything for dragon sorcs there.

So naturally I thought of scenes for myself :) because there should have been :) (and idk if there was any dialogue for a dragonborne)

Definitely Synne was excited when it came to finding out that there was bound to be an ancient, or at least older, dragon underneath Baldur's Gate. At best she was hoping she would be able to connect with and maybe learn something from the dragon, or find some kind of connection should it have been a silver dragon in some way.

Finding ansur's body was a gut punch initially, like so devastating finding him long dead -- not only is the mission a failure but her own personal expectations shot.

BUT THEN SHE GETS POSSESSED.

At that point, my pershunal HC goes v different than how the quest really goes.

I take the kind of influence of this ancient dragon in the dragon sorc's bloodline to be an influence and drawing upon the spirit of that ancient dragon (or perhaps it's still alive in some way and gives its power in the way an archfey or other like demi-god like being does). Either way there is ALREADY A DRAGON IN THERE, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANOTHER.

So in that moment, before it can go too far into the reveal of Balduran and Ansur, Synne's dragon ancestor steps in, in a violent, explosive way.

As genial and benevolent as Silver dragons tend to be, I imagine that there also comes a time when someone can simply be too old, or too powerful, to truly grasp what it means to be empathetic and compassionate in a way that is fully effective. So while I believe this Ancient Dragon/Wyrm/Great Wyrm (I'm leaning toward Wyrm or Great Wyrm just because this is an elven lineage) had Synne's best intentions at heart, the choice to force Ansur out of her mind/body by occupying the whole of her consciousness, power, and mind was perhaps not the best option.

Essentially the control Synne has worked so long on, pales in comparison to the full force of her ancestor's power taking direct and pointed control of her, and she -- and her power -- snaps.

The fight is then part dealing with Ansur's undead form, but now there's the chaotic might of the spirit of Synne's ancestor there fighting directly against the threat that came to it's progeny.

And Synne, completely lost to the dragon's influence, and now more an avatar of this ancient being's power, has lost control AND MAYBE SHE TURNS INTO AN ADULT DRAGON HERSELF. WHY NOT? Polymorph is a spell that directly influences a change on the physical form, and with Synne having dragon blood within her, it makes sense to me that the chaotic and force of this dragon's influence triggers an awakening in her blood that not only puts her in sync with her ancestor BUT changes her with that magic, into a "purer" form of her draconic ancestry.

(And she's prob just under 200 so that means it's an Adult dragon according to 5e)

So now the rest of the party is dealing with an undead like ancient dragon, a spirit of a wyrm, and a completely off the chain adult silver dragon in Synne.

(And during the fight she either has some vague awareness of what's going on, or is in a different mental plane of existence, speaking to her ancestor directly)

After the fight, and with the influence no longer needed (nor able to be received one moment longer for threat of potentially killing Synne) she reverts back and is OUT.

It's a humbling moment to realize that for all her control it still means nothing when faced the true reality of what her power entails/where it comes from. But still, she mourns how it could not have been a nicer meeting of Ansur himself, conflicted at the back and forth between Balduran and Ansur, and rage/shame of being used like she was by Ansur and her ancestor.

#this got LONG but i did have a lot of feelings about this fight when I first was in it #sooo sorry lmaooo but thank you for asking even if its might be more than you were expecting LOL #alkdjg #BG3 OC #bg3 spoilers #OC: Synne #and tl;dr: dragon sorcs should be able to transform into dragons #long post

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iviarellereads · 6 months

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The Murderbot Diaries - Compulsory (SubPress reissue)

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Murderbot Diaries, read this one!)

In which we go back in time, but different.

This is part 2, examining the new reissued version of Compulsory in conversation with its original. If I remember after the first post goes up, this text will be edited to be a link to it.

Murderbot's given some thought to killing humans, since it hacked its governor module, but once it found the entertainment feeds, it thought, what's the rush? It can always kill them later, after the next series drops.(1)

Really, even the humans think about killing each other. MB hates mines, and it hates this mine the most, but all indications are that the humans hate them more. It calculates at least a 53% chance of a human-caused massacre by the end of the contract. It witnesses some name-calling and wonders if it'll happen in the next few minutes.(2)

The humans are arguing about the flow rate. MB, for its part, is watching episode 44 of Sanctuary Moon, which it thinks is a better use of its time than standing guard over the stabilizer array. One of the humans, Sekai, says SecUnits creep her out. MB can't argue, it doesn't like SecUnits either, even as one. It spends a paragraph briefly explaining SecUnits' biology and purpose in the company hierarchy, and what supposedly would happen if they didn't have governor modules.(3) Still, it doesn't respond, because most of its attention is on its show, so it misses when the accident happens, until it hears a strangled yell.

Running the video back, Asa snapped about getting the supervisor and turned quickly. As he did, the testing rod he was holding hit Sekai, who was mid-step, and unbalanced her. She fell off the platform, down into the shaft. MB tracks her descent, and hears breathing on the comm. Unfortunately, where she lands, she's about a minute and a half from getting dumped into the collectors and incinerated.

You might think that MB's job is to rescue her, but no. Its job is to prevent workers stealing corporation property, prevent workers from injuring or killing corporation management (no matter how tempting), and prevent workers from injuring each other and inhibiting productivity. So, HubSystem tells it to stay put. The nearest safety bot is 200 meters up, and incoming, just in time to retrieve the "smoldering lump" of remains.

Asa realizes what he's done and is making noises that make MB uncomfortable. Vena is sobbing. Elane is frozen. MB could go back to its episode and follow orders to stand in place, but it doesn't particularly want to watch a human die in the episode, and Sekai is a real human it's responsible for who will die for real shortly.

Having free will after so long under strict controls sometimes make MB do things it doesn't understand. It steps off the edge of the platform, and controls its fall to land next to Sekai. HubSystem sends a command for its governor module to fry it, but the joke's on HubSystem.

Sekai looks up at it, tearful and terrified. It reaches down to her, wondering if she's too afraid to take its hand. MedSystem supplies that there's an 80% chance she's stunned from the impact. MB says they have forty five seconds to get out. Probably not the most sensitive thing to say, under the circumstances, but it works. Sekai reaches up to grab MB's arm, and it pulls her into its chest just as the section she'd been holding on to cycled and dropped to the collector.

Sekai made an “eep” noise. I wanted to make an “eep” noise too but I was busy.(4)

MB tells Sekai to look up, and clip herself to its armour. She obeys, shaking. MB climbs out, and works on Phase II of the plan, which is convincing HubSystem that the rescue was its idea in the first place. Fortunately, it manages that by the time it gets them back up onto the platform.

As the humans reunite and cry, MB checks the supervisor feed it's not supposed to have access to, and is relieved they're not suspicious of its actions. Sekai's team will get a fine for almost clogging the collectors with her deep fried body, but better than dead.

The humans make to pull Sekai away, but she turns back to say thanks to MB. Its performance reliability drops 3% at the idea that she can see through its visor. Asa tells her they can't talk, and she insists she heard it.

Note to self: shut up.(5) Back at my guard station, I started episode 44 again. Maybe somebody would save the colony solicitor’s bodyguard, too.

=====

(1) Already a few rephrases in this intro. Reordering the hacking and the killing thoughts, and then subtle changes about the entertainment feeds. After the next series drops vs ends, VERY different in context here. (2) I don't know that the would-be tragedy that gets averted needed this extra line of setup, but kay. (I'm not the expert who writes words for a living, I'm nobody and my opinion is only worth as much as you want it to be worth.) (3) I find it interesting that it's this expanded edition that's getting these bits of information, and not the original story. The original was short, snappy, concise, but would have benefited from having a little more context for a SecUnit's role. It was published after the first novellas, but it makes me wonder if it was a concept piece written first that expanded into the Murderbot series, slightly reworked for Wired. (4) This is just… how can it be so cute in the middle of mortal peril? (5) The last major change, and an interesting one. Before, MB didn't make a quip here. Was it added to pad out the word count, or do you think it adds a little needed levity after the peril? (Or both. Both is typically an option.)

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot diaries #compulsory (murderbot)#murderbot #secunit

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leftistscum · 10 months

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I AM CURSING YOU FUCKBAGS TO 1000 YEARS OF OWOFIED NONSENSE. I HAVE TO SUFFER, NOW YOU HAVE TO SUFFER WITH ME.

Update:

All this effort and it doesn't even work. I'm not mad, just disappointed. Current theory is that I didn't include an important part of it in the while loop. The bot scans new posts, and I'm not gonna re-post this for the second time. It's only been actually tested two or three times including this try, and I'm keeping this as a sort of devlog. Update 2:

I restarted the OAuth apps that I made earlier today (an OAuth callback server to catch the keys, and another OAuth thing to generate the Authorization verifier). I worked almost all day to get these two to work together. The API ended up sending this error, and I don't know what it means, but it doesn't throw any errors client-side. Here's the error it throws. {'meta': {'status': 429, 'msg': 'Limit Exceeded'}, 'response': [], 'errors': [{'title': 'Limit Exceeded', 'code': 0, 'detail': 'Minor hiccup. Try again.'}]} Like, okay, great. Now I gotta actually look at the documentation and find out what this magic gibberish means, because this could relate to all those times I tried to authenticate, OR I hit the daily limit on posts seen by my bot, which I highly doubt. Update 2.5 after some research, I've learned absolutely nothing. That error code is a giant ball of nothing that basically says I exceeded a rate limit, but doesn't give any explanation as to which rate I exceeded. Thanks, Tumblr. At least Reddit threw client side errors that you didn't have to go to a broken API console to see. Fuck all of you, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Side note: I am surviving off one breakfast pizza from Casey's, one Pipeline Punch, one grape flavored 3D, 4mg Estradiol, 50mg Spironolactone, and I currently have 100mg Progesterone dissolving in my stomach, which at this point, might actually kill me. It's only 9:36 at the time of writing this, but it feels like I've been working on this for days. This is to say that I may have missed something super obvious, and if that's the case, well, I'll leave tomorrows problems to tomorrow's me.

Update 3

Just woke up and re-ran all the assorted programs just to get a fresh start. I'm still getting that error code, but more importantly, my access token and secret changed? I'm not expert when it comes to stuff like this, but I though tokens and secrets are constant and specific to apps. I can't actually test this thing until the API lets me through. Update 3.5

Found the error code. It wasn't way too hard, but it means my bot probably did something way too much yesterday and I have no idea what. It works on the server's clock and goes by callendar day. This means that if a bot hits the error code at 11:59 PM, it can hit it again at 12:00 AM. For an error 429 to happen, any one of the following has to trigger it.

300 API calls per minute, per IP address.

18,000 API calls per hour, per IP address.

432,000 API calls per day, per IP address.

1,000 API calls per hour, per consumer key.

5,000 API calls per day, per consumer key.

250 new published posts (including reblogs) per day, per user.

250 images uploaded per day, per user.

200 follows per day, per user.

1,000 likes per day, per user.

10 new blogs per day, per user.

20 videos uploaded per day, per user.

60 minutes of total video uploaded per day, per user.

So I can't test this until the server's calendar deems it a new day Update 4

It still doesn't work, but I am one step closer. Because of Tumblr's broken-ass console, I've had to find an alternate way to get an OAuth key. It turns out I was using a temporary access key, which is why it changed when I re-ran everything. I had to do this by using two other scripts. One of them is Tumblr's interactive console on Github , and the other one was a Yaml parser because boy do they like to encrypt. This has been my morning so far. Day two and 5 scripts later, just to finally have something that I should've had at the start.

Update 4.5

I FINALLY GOT AN API RESPONSE!!! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Update 4.5.5

I have implemented a feature that makes the thing wait for a second then search for any comments with a timestamp older than the last time it waited and has the right keyword in the 196 tag. I have obviously accidentally wasted all my API tries today, but testing begins again tomorrow. You will fear my wrath soon enough. Update 5

Decided to check up on the bot, and ran straight into this wall of text. It looks like blog info? Some of those links take me to profile headers. This isn't a static thing either, it updates every 20 seconds like clockwork. Because I made it update every 20 seconds like clockwork. I think this means it's testing time. Wish me luck. Breaking News. Didn't work, but we're a lil bit closer. Again.

#I figured out how to get access to the API #and now you have to deal with my bullshit #This would have taken no time at all with Reddit's API #196 #r/196 #rule

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horce-divorce · 30 days

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Find jobs that work remotely online

lmfao i literally already do that, you jackanapes. i'm a freelance transcriptionist and I have been for YEARS!!!!! i'm GOOD at it, too! having a remote job doesn't mean there's any work in the queue, and it certainly doesn't mean they're PAYING me to do it. a few years ago (like 2016-2018) it was actually possible for me to work from home and earn, like, almost minimum wage. but at least it was consistent. Like, if you knew when the peak times to avoid were, you could always snag work from the queue. I earned anywhere between $8-15 an hour doing that for a few years, and I still never broke more than about $2,000 per year.

the thing about this one is, it's like, the PERFECT setup, in theory. i can come and go as I please, no minimum or maximum amount of work, my insanely fast typing skills ensured I could actually pick files worth my time (my average is 130wpm but I've hit 200. if you even care). being able to stop in the middle of a file and walk away when I was having symptoms, or even just when it was pissing me off, is IDEAL. as long it's done correctly and submitted on time, it doesn't matter what your workflow looks like. i LOVE!!!!! this. yes, please, for the love of god leave me alone and let me do my thing. i work SO much better this way.

as of the last few years, companies like Rev.com have done nothing in the intervening time but increasingly replace their skilled workers (me) with AI auto-captions and having us proofread those instead, all while jacking up their prices for consumers and paying us less and less per file. plus, there's more competition than ever since the pandemic hit, and everyone and their brother think they can just pick up a job like transcription as a side gig or whatever. anyway, since they started becoming worse, I've barely managed to keep up $10 an hour, and there's barely any work in the queue. I check constantly. I'm lucky if i can make a few dollars per week doing that now.

but hey, I actually never gave up. you know what else is a "work remotely online" job? running your own art business. which i also do. I may be conventionally unemployed, but I DO still have multiple jobs! and you people see that and go, "no, that doesn't count. what if you just had MORE jobs? surely this would fix all of your problems?" wow, genius, fucking sensational, THAT WOULD HAVE NEVER OCCURRED TO ME WITHOUT YOUR SAGE WISDOM, ANON. WOW.

YES, I also do market research panels and all that garbage. YES, i have done data entry. I did sigtrack for a while, but I wasn't very good at it, reading people's handwriting is a lot harder for me than parsing speech. I even did Amazon Mechanical Turk back in the day, holy shit, do not do that, 0/10. Any of those shit articles from the penny hoarder youre about to send me? I've done it, and possibly still do from time to time!

Anyway, if that's still not good enough for you, presumably you know a company that hires remotely that you can refer me to? Why don't you hire me yourself, if you're so concerned? You got a podcast or something that needs captions? Hmu anon! That's literally what I do!!! My rate is $1.25 per audio minute!!!! I'll wait!!!!! :)))))))

#me #anon #disability stuff #pay me yourself or else stfu and don't offer stupid unsolicited advice you cowards :)#but ykw else. ive been there.#maybe this anon is just in denial.#maybe they too are working multiple jobs to stay afloat #clinging helplessly to the idea that maybe this will be the one that makes it all fall into place #maybe this one will be the one you succeed at #the one you get promoted thru and actually end up earning a living wage #every time adding on another new job thinking. maybe this time. maybe this is the one. maybe someday I WILL get to retire #maybe if i just get one more job.#maybe this one will respect me. maybe this one won't mind the disabilities.#i know you want to believe that if you work hard enough and do all the right things you can avoid becoming like me #or that if you did you would be able to get yourself out much quicker than i seem to be able to.#let's hope you never have to find out anon

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