Through a Glass, Darkly by Calais Reno

Chapter 5: Same, but Different

Summary: Holmes investigates his mirror-life and meets his brother, a very suspicious man.

“What has happened to you, Sherlock?”

He raises his own cup and sips. At least tea hasn’t changed. “What ever do you mean?”

“You’re different. In what exact sense, I cannot tell. But you are changed.”

He trusts his brother more than most people, John excepted. If he ever returns to 1891, he will most likely tell his brother about his trip to 2017. But he is not sure about this Mycroft. He is different, and Sherlock isn’t able to predict his reactions so easily.

“I am worried about my partner, who has been shot.” This comes out more aggrieved than he’d intended. “What do you expect of me? My heart is not stone, brother.”

I have just passed a milestone: 2 million words written in this fandom! It was six years ago this month that I received my invitation to join AO3. ❤️

Thank you for reading and reblogging!

@mydogwatson @lisbeth-kk @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @startrekker2011 @iamjustreading @original-welovethebeekeeper @meetinginsamarra @thegildedbee @safedistancefrombeingsmart @jolieblack @ninasnakie @13monkton @dissolvinggirl @confused-sherlockian @thesaltofcarthage @still-prefer-books @kestrelwing64 @luna06newman @whatnext2020

I finally reached my goal of hitting 2 million words on my ao3 account! I've been striving for that for a few years by now and I finally did it, yay! Mostly I just wanted to shout about it to my pals and followers. This is me bragging and also just generally being SO HAPPY to have reached my goal. Time to think of another one, I guess!

My newest fic, Wolf Kissed, is what pushed me over the edge and I'm so thrilled it was that one--my pet project, my absolute most self-indulgent thing in years. I loved it and I am so happy I got to wallow in it for a while.

And since I'm bragging I might as well ask: if anyone wanted to celebrate with me and send me which out of my fics was their favorite, I'd really love to hear it 💛💛💛💛💛

TW/CW: Trauma, Mental Illness, Mental Health, Self-Criticism, Schizoaffective Disorder, Mania, Bullet mention, Food. (In video: Alcohol mention, Food mention, Diet discussion. Mortality/Death references.)

I broke two million words on AO3! 

So it’s time for another rambling personal post. Since I began sharing my work in July of 2020, I’ve learned a lot:

-What it’s like to live in near constant fear of criticism about the (296 and counting…) stories I hold dear, and still leave them up for anyone to read and comment on. Please, please be kind!

-The value of friendship. Everyday I am mystified as to how I have multiple friends. Which probably sounds pathetic, but to me it’s joyous. I’ve also learned the importance of cutting people out of my life for the sake of my own boundaries.

-How to process my trauma through narrative and the immense feeling of purpose I experience when someone trusts me to weave their history and hurts into a request.

-The importance of routine for my mental health. Doing the math, I wrote an average of 2,293 words a day. Now that’s a far cry from the 7,000+ I cranked out during the first six months, (thanks ✨mania✨) But still, I stuck with it. I don’t work because I have schizoaffective disorder and my symptoms make things like going out and interacting with others difficult, but I try to treat writing like a job to establish structure in my life.

-To challenge negative thinking. Especially when it comes to comparing myself with others and setting unrealistic standards. I know I’ll never be the best writer. I may have a shot at most prolific in the fandom, ha, but art is subjective. I almost always use OCs and write from third person POV, which many people dislike. But I am learning to be okay with that. Because ultimately, I love, love, LOVE writing. I love Bill and Conan. I love whiling away hours in daydreams until pieces of plot slide into place. Sitting behind the keyboard, completely unaware I’m typing and losing myself in Barry’s bullet-ridden angst, or silly and saucy Richie smut. So even if no one reads my fics, I will continue to write. Because in the words of my beloved Conan:

“The goal for me has always been–when I feel down, or I’m losing my way, or ‘what’s the point?’–is I want to make stuff I’m proud of. I want to make as much of it as I can while I’m alive.”

To celebrate, I bought a little five inch ice cream cake and coincidentally I got this Milo Dean-inspired tattoo a few days ago. Behind my ear because, as Bill said, “The voice in your head is wrong,” and I need that reminder.

In addition to the friendships and lessons, writing also brought me a wonderful partner. And for the holidays/our two year anniversary, she got me a Cameo from Jordan Schlansky! See below. What a hilarious and amazing gift! Guess @martymcdie88mph’s various tasks include being the raddest girlfriend ever.

I think that’s all for now. Before I start another steamy Conan one-shot, I want to thank everyone who’s read my stories, left kudos, commented, and made requests. I truly can’t express how indebted I am to you all for your kindness and support. Your praise keeps me going and helps me counter the cruel thoughts bogging me down. I especially want to thank the handful of friends who read consistently and fuel me with compliments. Not sure if any of you would want to be tagged in this post, so I’ll refrain. But you know who you are and I love you.

And though I pray Bill and Conan are never exposed to the horrorshow of my AO3 account or my existence in general, I hope they’re aware of the happiness their brilliance, humor, and beauty provide. The love. Because without these tall, blue-eyed, assless comedy men, I wouldn’t be here. Neither would these two million words. 

So thank you, fellas. I owe you everything. Until the next million rolls around...🧡

Part 3 of rambling !

The next time we see Johnny record something it’s Raiden using the amulet given to him by Liu Kang, and he’s finally excited to film. As things start to get significantly more interesting (considering they’re about to enter another realm through a fiery portal), we’ll see him pull his phone out more. But even with all of this going on around him, you’ll notice his facial expressions still aren’t exactly ecstatic. Impressed? Absolutely. Mesmerized? Not quite yet. However, we see him look over towards Kenshi while still recording the fiery portal, implying he didn’t have the conscious thought ‘I should get Kenshis reaction to this’- rather, he knows he should be paying attention to what’s happening in front of him, but he can’t help but look at the sexy swordsman. It’s then that he smiles and makes the decision to record him, maybe wanting to have a permanent reminder of what he looked like in this moment (who could blame him?). I also wanna point out real quick that Johnnys smile isn’t smug- it’s genuine. He’s not shoving the phone in Kenshis face to be purposely obnoxious, he just really likes him- even if he knows the feeling isn’t mutual (allegedly). It’s confirmed at the end of the game that Johnnys already decided Kenshi would be a main character of one or more of his films (he offers Kenshi to play himself at the end of the campaign, and in Johnnys tower ending as he’s saying he’s going to tell a bunch of mini stories we see Kenshi as one of the protags on his slideshow), so we can safely assume he’s recording Kenshi for the sake of his films, right? WRONG! That’s too easy. We also know he’s written Kung Lao and Raiden into his films, and he doesn’t make a point to shove his phone in their faces in this scene. There’s something special about Kenshi. Something intriguing. He’s so much more stoic and mysterious than the other two earth realmers he’s with, and quite the opposite of himself. When Kenshi notices Johnnys phone, he immediately pushes his hand away, clearly upset. Outside of their initial fight, this is the first time we see the two physically interact.

Edit: I forgot to add that while Kenshis reaction is definitely partly due to the fact that he finds Johnny to be annoying and disrespectful, I also think he’s uncomfortable with the idea of being seen. Throughout the story you’ll see Kenshi being his usual quiet self and nobody else really bats an eye- and I think he prefers it this way, it’s what he’s used to. When nobody’s looking at you there aren’t any expectations. But here comes Johnny, eager to make him more open. If I were Kenshi, this would definitely add to my apprehensions about Johnny. Why does he care so much? Why can’t he just let Kenshi be Kenshi? Not only do I think he’s uncomfortable being seen, I think it’s upsetting to him when Johnny pokes at him in front of others. It’s one thing to slowly open up to someone one-on-one, but in front of a bunch of strangers who’s opinions you highly value? What would they think if he started openly associating with Johnny? Would they lose respect for him? But again, I don’t even think Johnny was doing this intentionally this time. But Kenshi doesn’t know that, and I don’t think he even cares. It’s almost like Kenshi is also equally interested in Johnny, but because their personalities are so different they express it in different ways. Johnnys used to being in the spotlight and having zero privacy, trying to hide his feelings is just a waste of time. Kenshi is used to be reserved and unseen, the thought of openly liking someone is scary, especially someone like Johnny who draws a lot of attention. I also can’t really imagine it’s easy to form connections with people when you’ve been in a gang for such a long time. Anyways y’all know that song Golden by Harry Styles?

so with confidence I present my rarepair...fluffyriceshipping!

they were originally a joke ship (which was my last chance to get out) but they grew on me more and more throughout last year, and months later they've become my favorite pair to draw! their name was the funniest thing to make of them because i got to joke around with their jpn names

the tl:dr of them is that there's a lot of good drama to make of thirty-somethings with the weight of responsibility of their respective cultures on their shoulders, as well as their personal thoughts of the trainers of their respective regions, all this culminating together to be really compelling for me to develop, so I'll ramble a Whole lot more under the cut about them :D!!

~

ok now that the people that wanted to see more about what i'm crazy about when i'm not online are here you guys better prepare for the worddump lmao

before they meet its postgame and they’re both in their thirties (early to mid), lance post gsc/hgss still upholds his champion position and managing the dragon's den alongside any g-man/undercover rocket work on the side (in workaholic mode), riley post dppt is occasionally battling at the battleground but also holing himself up with patrols on iron island and doing egg research and training his aura (Also in workaholic mode)

i'd say all the work makes byron and roark try to get him a break from all that, convincing him at some point to take a vacation! see the sights my guy you've been workin yourself to the bone

it's canonically shown in hgss that riley does appear as a partner for the battle tower, so at some point he is in johto! the region resonates with his cultural sensibilities so maybe he revisits it again to instead actually relax there.

lance would probably catch his hat flying away when he's visiting elm's lab (a fellow egg researcher) in new bark and riley would have absolutely fell first for him (and i'm a sucker for meet-cutes,,,)

and from there they hit it off! being both skilled trainers in their own right they battle and go out to eat after and talk about their family (clair and the elders, for riley's case his family friends byron and roark), their culture (dragon clans and aura guardians), and then when they talk about their respective trainer kiddos (silver and dawn) something clicks between them (it’s a Really rough snippet but hopefully it’s decent)-

"Do you have any kids? I know the news loves to make up some kind of story about secret love affairs with a random person." the guardian says, awkwardly.

Lance smiles, "Oh, yeah! I have one but he's technically not mine." Riley chokes on his iced tea.

"I'm sorry?" A million thoughts roll through his mind as he processes his words said so matter-of-factly.

"Haha, sorry, sorry, I'm only partly joking."

"E-Elaborate..."

The champion explains the general gist of things as he's met him, Silver, his kid-by-odd-circumstance, was homeless for a while, but was training alongside some other up and coming trainers. Uncovering some Rocket related files, he learns he's the son of the boss of the entire organization, and after some on and off meetings he eventually got him a place to stay at the Dragon's Den, and soon after began living with him at his place when he warmed up to the idea of adoption.

There are times he gets overwhelmed with all that he's been through, and some nights its all too much. But Lance was there with him, stayed with him every step of the way, unlike the one who gave him that abandonment anxiety in the first place.

"He's my kid, not by blood, and maybe not by his family, either. But instead, by his own decision he chose to stay with me. I'd want him to keep the freedom he has now." Lance states, firmly. "And now he's grown up as strong as I believed he could. I'm proud of him, as much as he tends to deny that." Riley senses his draconic aura swell with pride, mixed with a humbling sincerity in his words.

"What about you? Any kids of your own?" the sudden flip of the question surprises the guardian briefly.

"N-Nothing adoptive but…I suppose it's similar, in a way to meeting them as you have."

The guardian's turn, now. Dawn was someone he met when he was training on Iron Island, and also served as a guide to get her through the caverns. When he felt something off in the aura surrounding the area, he eventually learned of Galactic causing the pokemon on the island to feel restless and agitated. With her, they were able to clear the island of their antics and even gifted her a Riolu egg on her journey. From there, he was impressed with how strong she was, and did hear from Cynthia that she raised his present up to evolving her into a Lucario. He couldn't have been happier.

That was the case, until he caught the aftermath of the events of Mt. Coronet.

What Cyrus did, the lengths he'd go to, and dragging the both of them into a mess that could have torn the world apart.

After that, Dawn stayed home for a while. Cynthia put him as a contact for her mom, who was really worried for her. With his aura and her friends, Lucas and Barry, they were a big help for her recovery. And eventually, after a lot of time and work, she became the region's champion. She messages every now and then to him, as processing any trauma is never an easy road, but he realized how lucky she was to have the people she'd met to keep her steady, and knew she'll be alright.

"I...still wish I could've done more for her," Riley says, quieter. "Cynthia told me about what happened in that other world, and it...it was a lot for Dawn, a lot of emotions to help her figure out." he finishes, sheepish.

"…I don't blame you for feeling that way, I wouldn't know what to do in a scenario like that, either." the champion says, unsure too.

"It's amazing, in a way. All these kids going through so much on their own. I'd be proud were it not so scary, realizing how young they are to go through what they have been through."

"There's only so much you really can do, as an adult. I've realized that fact a long time ago." Lance's aura felt oddly melancholic, as bright and pretty as it may appear. "It's either immediate or slow when things change for them, and sometimes you'll have to make a choice on the spot when the time comes for them to decide what they want to do." It sounds like he’s speaking from experience, but the melancholy makes it appear that he's had some regrets.

“I trust in them to find their own path, eventually. When they’re together, those kids are gonna be alright on their own.”

His reassurance helped, even if only by a small amount.

-

I should make some kind of master post about them at some point but WAH god I’m so happy I can actually put them together in pokemon masters, they’ve really grown on me and I’ve developed a lot for the both of them in my free time, but yeah this is the rarepair that’s been on my brain for ages now, a gaze into my goo brain 🤪

plantwood

-

more trigun comics

You know, trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broke, but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection.

--Me at this YMU Wenclair arc

Come talk to me when this is you.

I love my country, I really, really do...but seriously do Christian Zionists know how to us in the eye.

During the ICJ court case, Israelis were calling black South Africans monkeys and derogatory terms and yet, somehow there's a community in SA where they defend these people? You'd think because we suffered under Apartheid that we would treat Palestinians with solidarity and compassion.

South Africa supports Palestine but the reality is, some of us have been brainwashed to believe that Israel is the promised land of God

Omg i just realized that the owl house is the fandom ever in terms of fics cause if I want cute romance I can have it with lumity and if I want angsty found family (c!tommy style) hunter centric fics are right there and tbh the found family works with the whole main cast actually. Muah Chef Kiss.

i want to know who has the most fics and who has the most words published on ao3. i doubt they’re the same person and i want to know.

random assortment of drawings i might as well post

best moment in all of thief might be when the rich poor dichotomy and the rampant inequality of the setting is firmly established in your mind (poor people - medieval living quarters, no amenities, suffering horribly, nobles - 19th century palatial mansions, running water, electricity, a discrepancy of hundreds of years between them) and getting inklings about how powerful and well connected this one karras guy seems to be, turning a corner and seeing his base of operations and finding that it's art deco, placing karras and the mechanists about 40 years beyond even the very wealthiest people you've encountered. a real oh shit moment

Hi!

Just wanted to give out appreciation for giving us two whole fucking novels and a third one still being uploaded for basically nothing!

LIAB is amazing and it makes my day to see each updates! I just love that I know what I'm gonna read on my lunch break and my dinner every new chapter, the length is perfect!

“SO BASICALLY THIS KID GETS HIS POWERS BY SAVING HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND AND FORMS A COMPLEX RIVALRY WITH HIM DESPITE THEIR BAD HISTORY WHICH LEADS THEM TO CONSTANTLY STRIVE TO OUT-DO EACH OTHER IN THE PRESTIGIOUS HERO SCHOOL BUT THEIR OBSESSION WITH THE OTHER NARRATIVELY COMES OFF AS ROMANTIC SINCE THEIR DYNAMIC HAS AN OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF PARALLELS TO OTHER CANON COUPLES THROUGHOUT HISTORY AND—“

finally started reading the murderbot diaries because i kept seeing people talking about it and like. shit. okay, fine. this is my candy. space sci-fi set in a corporation-controlled semi-dystopian future, told from the pov of a snarky asexual part-organic sentient robot who has hacked itself into having free will, interwoven with an anti-capitalist, almost-whodunit plotline, and featuring strong platonic relationships as the emotional core of the series?

like, yes, okay, fine. jeez, next time just @ me