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agentrouka-blog · 10 days

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Hi ! Sorry for bothering you with HOTD discourse AGAIN ,but I really wanna know your thoughts on Alicent and her kids relationship.

Have a good day/night !

Within the show, the energy I get from their relationship is less mother-child and more eldest daughter raising her younger siblings because no one else will do it.

We watch a child still mourning the loss of her own mother, still just toying with the role of the Maiden that society affords highborn girls (a figure of romance and chivalry, afforded admiration and glamor), and we watch her already struggling with a sense of doom and dread regarding their society and her powerlessness in it, expressed through her hands.

Then we see these fragile identities entirely taken away without a choice. She doesn't get to be a girl anymore, she doesn't get to explore the illusion of agency as a desired maiden wooed by handsome knights. She is suddenly transplanted into the role of a physical body that must endure its own violation for the purposes of others. Her children are things produced and birthed and cared for in a state of dissociation. And there are no rewards in it, no trade-off in power or status to replace the small safety she had before. She is profoundly lonely, no one takes her seriously. The father who should have protected her sacrificed her for his political goals, the one friend she thought she could relate to has coldly abandoned her. Her husband is her constant violator whom she must appease. There is no maternal mentor around her at all. She's deeply traumatized and depressed and trapped. She keeps trying to return herself to that previous state of self, if only through recreating her friendship with Rhaenrya. How is this child supposed to find the emotional resources to bond with the children she had no choice in birthing?

Then Rhaenyra's betrayal robs her of even any illusion of support from that end and her father's departure removes his remnants of protection, company and control. It's an implosion, and we see her make the choice to find a new self. The green dress moment.

So somewhere in the off-screen period following, she also takes control - as far as she can - of her relationship with her children. She - their traumatized teenaged biological mother - chooses to be their protector because there is no adult around who will do it. And it is hard. There is no ease in it. The one child she could have a blueprint for (Helaena) is neurodivergent and speaks an entirely different emotional language. The boys struggle with patriarchy from the male perspective, she finds it difficult to access and regulate that sphere. But she tries. She really tries to find ways to relate to them and to apply her own values, her own identity. This is where we see her true self. Through trying she comes to truly love them. But she can't just compensate for everything wrong. She can't compensate for Viserys's neglect, she can't compensate for the years it took her to form an adult identity, she can't compensate for the toxicity of their society and she can't compensate for the danger they all live in. There are rifts of disconnect and pain and miscommunication. She is their mother but she is a mother with visible flaws and limitations who cannot protect them as she tries and they know it. It removes her from a pedestal of serenity and calm authority that this Identity(tm) is supposed to have. So there is more loneliness in it, more failure, a lot of frustration and struggle. But it's open struggle and it is genuine care and I find it deeply compelling. I find it more honest and genuine than any other parent-child relationship in the show.

#alicent hightower #hotd

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plinko-mori · 13 days

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share your theory about mori's past with that oc of yours- kenkichi aizawa

Excellent idea!

I'll use a lot of facts from the Vita Sexualis book, the life of the real life author and some headcanons of mine 🫶🏻

The structure of this is: Ougai (Rintarou) Mori and Kenkichi Aizawa (OC) are friends since they are children, have adventures together

First it will be how old they are and what's the lost important thing that happened

6: They meet each other, Kenkichi asked him «isn't it pathetic for a man to pick up flowers?» and after that they get to know each other

7: Rintarou and Kenkichi talk about how adults are scary by showing books difficult to understand (porn pictures) and how dirty (bad hygiene) they are

8: They start learning Dutch and French together, comparing each other with an animal (Mori a seagull and Aizawa a raven/crow)

9: Based in those animals, they give each other nicknames to call each other since Mori hates his name (Mori becomes Ougai and Aizawa becomes Karasu)

10: They get surprised by the fact that girls don't have a penis, find it curious and important to not hurt them while playing

11: They move from Tokyo to Yokohama, got disgusted by a kid who wanted to go fishing in the manor garden pond, got annoyed at girls who were always whispering in a mockery way at him... But met a very good friend: Waniguchi

12: Ougai confessed how he almost got rapped last year, clarifying where his "suicidal behavior" that started a little ago comes from

13: Waniguchi helps him a lot even if he's clearly exhausted with his family business, Ougai starts using a military strategy to understand how to socialize, also Mori graduated from a school like the genius he is and introduces himself like «Ougai Mori»

14: Wanaguchi kills himself, affecting Rintarou's mental health and actually tried (more than once) to kill himself

15: Ougai always got bullied, now gets bullied a lot more, and has a deep chat with Kenkichi about society

16: Mori got into a letters University with Kenkichi

17: Mori loved the hygiene of a girl and shared it with Aizawa, although Kenkichi is more worried about how Ougai's relationship with his parents are getting worse everyday

18: Mori doesn't want to get married and his mother is mad at him, they fight, Kenkichi is there for him

19: Ougai didn't have the best relationship with geishas because they expressed bad a fact, but gets graduated from military with Aizawa

20: Mother called her son Rintarou invalid and he's planning to go away. Rintarou definitely changes his name after his father agrees with her. Mori's trust in his parents is completely broken and from now on he's Ougai Mori

21: Ougai travelled to Germany with Kenkichi after those two got recommended by their German teacher, studied there, and met Elise

22: Ougai got experience at the military because of some issues that were happening in Germany, healed many people, although was "very problematic and had a knowledge above a student"... Kenkichi traumatized Elise too

23: Mari Mori is born, life is more happy for Kenkichi and Ougai. Although Kenkichi is full of stress because he writes too many things for the company he works in

24: Ougai becomes a military doctor boss after all the good things he has achieved even if he has scared the people above him

25: Ougai is forced to go back to Japan, Kenkichi takes care of Elise. The friends stop communicating

26: Yosano and The Great War happens normally, while Kenkichi takes care of both Elise and Mari

27: Ougai is clearly traumatized after the war, his mental health is horrible, Kenkichi wants to help him but the influence of Natsume not letting Mori go to Germany makes Karasu hate him

28: Natsume hires Fukuzawa like Mori's bodyguard since the adult childish man started to go back to kill himself or prepare scenarios where he could die

Note: I'm not sure where or when Mori could have met Natsume, sorry

After that... Well it's the canon, although in my AU, Kenkichi makes Mori go to Germany and Aizawa becomes the PM boss

#plinko mori #bsd theory #bsd mori theories #bsd mori #bsd ougai mori #bsd ogai mori #bsd mori ogai #bsd mori ougai #plinko mori asks #rintarou mori #vita sexualis #the dancing girl #bsd mori headcanon #bsd ocs #bsd oc #long post

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acourtofthought · 8 months

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It hurts me to see so many Tamlin defenders these days it's all so triggering for me.

My parents relationship is exactly like what happened with Feyre but only the fact that she never got the chance to get out and she's still stuck and now it's too late. I see Feyre in my mother everyday but I live in a country and community that doesn't care for women opinion and they're considered as being "dramatic", "over-reacting" and "selfish". Exactly the things they call Feyre.

My mother knew while they were engaged that this wouldn't end well but her parents didn't listen to her and they said you should marry him and fix him, bring him children he will be better... bc my father been through some traumatic stuff as well. (Honestly while I was reading acotar and acomaf, I find it a cruel joke) So that was the way to justify his actions. And bc my mother didn't wants us to hate him, she would say this to us as well that it's not his fault but we grow up and we realised this isn't normal as much as he wants to claim he's traumatised. (Sounds familiar?)

my mother gave and gave and gave but never received anything from him still receives nothing from him. And you know what he does to make her shut up and don't complain? He buys her things or for us. He used to pay for my grandparents treatment. Just like Tamlin who paid for Feyre's family to keep her were she is so she wouldn't leave him.

My mother can't go out without being questioned that where is she going, how long she's out, when will she come back? She doesn't have a job!!! And the fact that he's doing it to me and my sibling as well is also very disheartening... I can't go out with my friends without being questioned bc its dangerous outside and you don't know what's coming for you... (I'm being serious this is exactly his words)

And he never hit us or hurt us in physical way that is visible, he hits with his word how he degrade my mother and sometimes us. So no one really sees what we've been through no one believe us bc there's no evidence of it...

And knowing that ppl don't even consider Tamlin an abuser but just a misunderstood character and deserving better treatment from readers while the ppl around him suffered? Yeah... its feels like people are not seeing us just bc he's hot or have money or is powerful or whatever...

I wonder if someone tells them they're overreacting and being dramatic how they would feel? To not be seen and tell them "you're acting childish suck it up"? How would they feel?

And only bc you did some nice things doesn't make you less of an abuser we need to remind that to ourselves... (just bc tamlin help in a war HE CREATED (bc he thought Feyre was his trophy) and help Rhysand to live doesn't make him less of a shitty person that he is...)

ps: this is just my experience I know for a fact that a lot of ppl experienced worse than us. its okay if you ignore this but I only wanted to get this out somewhere that might some ppl see and rethink what they're saying...

First, I'm honored you shared your story with me and I am so sorry that both you and your mother are still in such a difficult situation. It's easy for someone on the outside looking in to say, "why doesn't she just leave already?" but anyone who has first hand experience of what she's going through (either because they have witnessed a love one going through it or they themselves have) know how difficult it can actually be to walk away. They might be struggling with years of their significant other chipping away at their self esteem to the point that they truly don't think they are worth more than the treatment they've gotten, they might be in a position where they can't set off on their own for financial reasons, they might fear for what the significant other might do if they were to leave. And I do understand why, as you are currently living this, it is triggering for you to see people romanticize Tamlin or explain away his behaviors as "he was struggling so he couldn't help himself." Of course he was struggling however, that never gives someone the right to take their struggles out on others. I don't think we'll ever be able to stop those who are fans of the Justice for Tamlin rhetoric but hopefully you take some comfort in knowing that the author herself has been vocal about how wrong Tamlin's behavior was. Others can interpret the text however they want but at the end of the day, SJM, the creator of his character has told us that he is a toxic male, that the High Lord of Spring is a "douche" and I think that's all that should matter to you. You feel his behaviors were not acceptable and the one who wrote him agrees. I'm not necessarily opposed to seeing Tamlin begin to heal but I personally don't think he's redeemed himself at all at this point and I have no interest in seeing him fall in love again, regardless of his one "heroic" gesture in the war. He still physically assaulted his friend afterwards and threw Lucien's clothes on his front door. A year after the war and he's still making no effort to try and be the High Lord his people need. It's not that someone who was abusive doesn't deserve the opportunity to better themselves but I don't think they deserve forgiveness until there are actual steps being taken to actually better themselves. Since Tamlin still, as of SF, has not made any progress in the right direction, I understand why it's frustrating when excuses are being made for his behavior. Again, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Growing up in that situation often effects our own relationships and self esteem and I hate that you have become a victim in something you never had any say in. Sending you lots of love ❤️

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blogevaawrites · 3 years

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Keeping to the schedule.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, sad, marriage, divorce, smut

Summary: After seven years of being married, two daughters and a difficult divorce, they try to understand what went wrong and why they let that happen.

Part I

“I’m so sorry to do this but we’re having problems with a few scenes. I won’t be at home until next week.” He said from the other side of the line. Since the divorce we have been being very strict with the custody agreement of our children.

“So, will you come to pick them up the next Friday?” I asked.

“Yes, I will be there. And again, I’m really sorry, I tried to do everything in my hands” I knew that he doesn’t like to change anything about the kids, he says we should try to give them as much stability as we can. I couldn’t agree more.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” I simply said.

We got married seven years ago, we had a happy marriage, but loneliness and exhaustion made me give up on our marriage. He started to spend more time away, accepting more projects in L.A or any part of the world but home. I guess home wasn’t what it used to be for him and for me because eventually I stopped complaining about his absence.

“I need to talk to you.” I said when I saw him getting out of the shower. I closed the door of the bathroom and l leaned on the sink. “About what? I’m kind of tired, can we leave it for tomorrow?” He said, drying himself with a towel. I was sick of it; I was being left to a side for so long that I didn’t hold it on. “Not really.” He looked at me then, normally I don’t insist. “I filed for divorce.” His face went from confusion to anger quickly.

We fought, he got really mad. I knew I should have talk to him before doing it, but he was never around, I was mad and sad, I wasn’t thinking properly. He didn’t talk to me for four months after that night, he moved to his mother’s house and did everything in his hands to accelerate the process. I know I didn’t deal very well with all of that and either he did. Our relationship since then got even more complicate.

Our obsession with our kids’ stability grew after that. We both knew they were going suffer the most, at least Anna. She was almost six when all of that happened, she asked a few times, but we never gave her an answer she could understand. Emma was only four, she noticed that something was wrong but was too young to assimilate it.

“Mom, Lindsay is having a sleepover this Thursday, and we don’t have school on Friday, can I go? Her mom will call you tomorrow to ask you, can I go, please?” Anna asked, taking my attention from the road as I drove us to home.

“Sure honey” I said with my eyes on the road.

“Dad is coming on Friday, right? I will tell her mom to bring me back in the morning” she always gets excited to see him, both do it.

“It’s not necessary honey, he probably will come to pick you up after dinner. I will pick you up to get lunch together at the park, what do you think?” she nodded enthusiastic, eating her sandwich.

Thursday comes quickly and Martha, Lindsay’s mom, picked Anna up. Emma got to sleep very early after a long afternoon at the park. I went down to watch a few minutes a TV show before to go to bed. The doorbell rang, startling me, it wasn’t late, but I wasn’t expecting anybody. When I got close to the door, I recognized the silhouette of the person behind the door.

“Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I wrapped the film early, I’m sorry if it is too late but I knew you wouldn’t mind. You can have the entire day to yourself tomorrow, in this way.”

“It’s fine, but Anna is not here, she’s at Lindsay’s house and Emma is already sleeping.” He looked devastated and it broke my heart. He usually doesn’t spent too long without seeing them. “You can see Emma if you want to.” I offered and he accepted quickly. He got into the house and went upstairs to Emma’s room.

After a few minutes, he came down to the kitchen where I was preparing things for tomorrow. I wouldn’t say our relationship was good, o was getting better. it was confusing. “How have you been? How was everything with the kids?” he asked from the doorframe. I turned around to see him and answered, “It was fine, no incidents.” I simply said. We looked each other for a while, we haven’t talk since we had sex the last time, he came to bring the girls back. He stayed for dinner and a while after, the girls went to sleep, we started to talk about them, about our past together, about us a couple. We kissed and one thing took us to another.

“I want to talk about the last time. I don’t want you to think I…” he started; I knew it didn’t mean anything for him, it was just sex, he has been avoiding me since then but him bringing the subject up made me mad and it hurt me a little.

“I know! Don’t worry! Let’s just forget about it.” I said walking to the front door.

“No, it’s just that we were kind of drunk and got emotional.” He started to say without following me.

“It was just sex. I get it! You made it very clear when you couldn’t wait to leave.” As soon as we were done, he got up from the bed and started to dress up. He told me it was late, and he had a thing to do in the morning, but I knew he was lying. He left me, naked in the bed, the one we shared for several years.

“I didn’t want the girls to get confused.” He got closer to the door, shaking his head, and rubbing his face roughly with his hands.

“You didn’t want me to get confused.” His eyes got bigger, and I could see the anger growing in his face.

“You couldn’t care less about what I wanted so don’t tell me what my intentions were.”

“You made them very clear.”

He looked confused, but he moved quickly. “You always so understanding. But why don’t you just listen to me? I’m trying to …” He couldn’t say anything more.

“You’re right, it’s kind of late and there isn’t a reason for you to stay.” I interrupted him, he looked mad.

He took a deep breath and kept on “I’m picking the kids tomorrow’s morning” he informed me before walking out.

“They won’t be here until late afternoon.” I said back. He looked at me without saying anything and kept on his walking. I stood at the door, looking how he got in the car. He turned on the engine, and before driving away he looked at me through the window. “Thank God we’re divorced.”

When the topic isn’t our kids, it never goes well. I guess we’re still hurt.

I didn’t fully understand why he got so angry until I saw the pictures.

After he picked the girls the next day, I did some work and later I filled a glass with wine and turned on the television to pick up a film to watch but my phone rang.

“Hey hon! How are you doing?” Lily asked, with a worried voice that I didn’t get.

“Hey! Why are you asking like that? I’m pretty fine.” I said laughing.

“Well! I don’t know, I thought you will be kind of sad o maybe angry, if my ex-husband was dating with somebody after not even a year from our divorce, I would be ready to kill him.”

“What? What are you talking about? I mean he hadn’t told me anything, I don’t think he’s dating again.” I said quite confused.

“Shit! You haven’t seen it, have you?”

Right away, I googled him with the call waiting.

Chris Evans is off market again? The former superhero and the upcoming actress Rachel Welles spotted holding hands and getting affectionate.

He was trying to talk about our night together because he was going to tell me about her. I felt my heart shrinking. I guess I should have been ready for this, he was free to be with whoever he wanted but it hurt me.

“I’m sorry, girl. It must be weird and hurtful. If you need anything you know I’m right here, right?” she asked kindly.

“I’m fine. he’s free to be with anybody but I guess I wasn’t as much ready to see it as I thought.”

“Yeah, knowing something isn’t always mean assimilating it, right?”

“Right”

After the call I refilled my glass and went to sleep with a few tears in my cheeks.

Our relationship began so natural, and it went so fast. We met through common friends, we dated just for tree moths after he asked me to move on with him. We didn’t take long to get married either, we both just knew that it was the right decision. I really loved him, and I know he loved me too. It wasn’t a fantasy, but we were grown-ups when he met, we knew what we wanted for life, in a partner and we found it in each other.

He was a great husband, a great father and a great friend. I single tear fell through my cheek, remembering the beginning of our freefall.

“There’s not a good way to say this. I’m really sorry to tell this but, Mrs. Evans you had a miscarriage.” Doctor Lars said. I felt Chris’s hand in my knee, comforting me. I felt I couldn’t breathe. My heart broke in pieces. “But I’m six months pregnant, this usually happens during the first trimester. This can’t be true.” My mouth slurred. “Well, the actual name is a late-miscarriage, there are several things that may play a part in causing it so we need to do a few tests to find a cause. I know this isn’t easy, but these things can happen, and we can’t do anything to prevent it.” I touched my barely swollen belly, missing the movements of my baby. “What are we doing now?” Chris talked, taking care of the situation. “You will need to go through labour to give birth to you baby. I know this can be a very distressing time and you may be in shock but there’s not other way.” I could hear him breathe hardly before kissing my head.

We went through our worst nightmare. I gave birth to a baby I could take care of. Thankfully, after inducing the labour, the birth came quickly. We decided not to hold the baby. We thought it will be less traumatic in that way.

He went with me through all of that, but we changed. Everything changed.

Five days later, I came into our bedroom to see him packing his suitcase.

“What are you doing? I asked softly.

“I need to go to L.A for a few interviews and shoot a few scenes” I looked at him straightly. Not quite believing he was going to leave so early after everything. “Don’t worry, I asked my mother to come to help you with everything.” he said, seeing my expression. I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want his mom here, I wanted him. I caressed his back, calling his attention.

“Don’t go, please.” I muttered. “It will be just a couple days, two weeks max.” he said holding me in his arms.

“Two weeks?” that was so fucking long.

“Listen, I can really do anything. I’m sorry but it’s work. What you want me to do?” he tried to reason with me, in vain.

“Call Meghan and ask her to reschedule it. We have an appointment with Doctor Lars next week.” I didn’t like to complain about his job or ask him to not to do it, but I couldn’t go through that alone.

“Everything will be fine, call me after the appointment and tell me what she says. I will be here as soon as I can.” I pushed him away with my eyes watering.

“Okay” for the first time in our life together he was putting his family in a second place.

The worst thing it was that trip didn’t last 2 weeks, but 3 months. He told me that his next project was being moved forward, and nothing else. He left me alone in the worst moment of my life and I couldn’t forget it.

After a few more glasses of wine, I took me phone and I called him.

“Hello” he said with a surprised voice. “What’s going on?”

“What was what you wanted to tell me last time? Hey, I know we just fuck but I’m actually in a relationship with some else and you must forget about it.” I slurred, mimicking him.

“You know it.” He said, I could hear him moving to another place. I guess he left the house.

“Of course, I do. Do you think I live under a rock?” I wasn’t jealous I was mad at him, at myself.

“Okay I get it you’re mad, but I wanted to talk…”

“What for? To say sorry for fucking me or to ask me to keep back of your new love.”

“No, it’s not like…”

“Why did you leave me? Why wasn’t I your priority anymore? I asked, removing the tears away from my face. My voice broke a few times, I was unable to keep myself still.

“Where are you? Are you drunk?” he asked hurriedly.

“It wasn’t my blame; I couldn’t have known it.” I kept talking.

“What are you talking about?” his voice was full of curiosity and confusion.

“We didn’t name him, he died without a name.” my face was completely wet, my arms were crossed around my stomach and my heart… I couldn’t feel my heart.

“Are you at home? Pease tell me where you are.” He asked desperately.

“Yes, I’m here.” I muttered before hanging up.

A few minutes later I heard the door opening, and his footsteps. I was in completely darkness, no TV, no lights, nothing but somehow, he knew exactly where I was.

“Hey! What’s going on? What happened?” he asked softly, sitting next to me in the half-furnished nursery.

“Why did you leave me?”

“Well, when you wife files for divorce, it’s actually kind of what you have do” he said with a sad smile in his face.

“You left me way before that.” I said quickly, he left me when we lost our baby. “We never talked about him.”

“I don’t think you are in an appropriate state to talk about him.” He said without looking at me.

“I’m fine. Don’t make excuses! You just don’t want to talk about him with me.”

“I don’t want to talk about him with nobody.”

“I’m not nobody.”

“Why is this so important now? It’s been a year since then, we are not together anymore...” he started to get up from the floor.

“You’re dating again…” I finished the sentence off for him “you told me you weren’t ready. You said you missed me, that you missed us.” I said, remembering what he told me when he was taking me to our bedroom between kisses and caresses.

His face looked confused and tired.

“I don’t get it. Why are so upset? You filed for divorce without telling me why, without giving me a chance to make it better. All I know is you felt neglected, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I thought we were just going through a rough patch, but I thought it was normal after all.” His voice was firmed, he wasn’t yelling me, but I bet he wanted. “I know you don’t think this but I’m not the bad guy here.” His eyes were red and watering. He never told me anything of this. He had been too angry to talk to me about anything.

He walked to the door, ready to leave me.

“You left me.” I said, calling his attention.

“You already said that.” He barked back.

“When I asked you to stay you left me for almost four months after I gave birth to my death son. I needed you Chris, and you rather work than be with your wife.” His face kept straight; he knew what I was talking about. I got up when I saw him get closer to me. He looked at me for minutes, as he wasn’t sure about his next words.

“I went to therapy. I didn’t come back home because I wasn’t stable, not because I was working, not because I wanted to leave, it was because I didn’t see another way to deal with everything. You were right when you said holding our baby it would be traumatic, it was.” I didn’t understand what he was talking about, we agreed on not to hold the baby when he was born but he cleared all up “I couldn’t help it, I saw him coming out of you as the same way Emma and Anna did. I needed to see him, and it was the worst thing I could have done, but it was my son.” His eyes never left mine when his body got much closer to me. “I lost my son too, honey. I couldn’t be there for you because I wasn’t handling in the right way.” I saw a single tear going down through his cheek. At least I wasn’t the only one crying.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Because you gave birth to him! How the fucking hell could I have told you I was the one losing his mind after that? I know I should have stayed with you but believe me, there wasn’t another option, I didn’t find another way.”

#chris evans imagine #Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #chris evans smut #chris evans fluff #CHRIS EVANS ANGST #chris evans and reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x reader #chris evans x wife!reader #marriage #divorce #fluff #Smut #angst #sad

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modernpaw · 3 years

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It's a Beautiful Day for a Wedding (Part 1)

Charlie Barber x Female Reader

Summary: When your ex-husband shows up at your cousin's wedding, old wounds can't help but resurface. Lucky for you, a certain theater director is also in attendance.

CW: Divorce, painful breakup, implied past infidelity, AFAB reader,

Words: 1.3k

It's a beautiful day for a wedding, you think. The sky is a brilliant shade of blue, and the sun is just warm enough to be considered pleasant. You stare out of the window of your cousin's childhood bedroom, looking down at all the guests milling about in the sprawling green below.

Today is your cousin's wedding, and although there are seven years between you, she's chosen you to be her matron of honor.

"Okay, I'm ready!" she announces as she comes out of the bathroom. You turn around to look at her and immediately let out a gasp. She looks absolutely stunning.

"Oh my god," you whisper. "You look—"

"Hideous?" she volunteers with a grin.

You chuckle and nod your head. "Yes, very hideous. The poor groom is going to be so traumatized."

You two have always been close, likely on account of her having lost her mother at a young age and there being no other children in the family, but while most family ties eventually weaken, yours have only gotten stronger. In fact, even though you moved away to New York for work, you two have kept in touch.

The door opens and the rest of her bridesmaids stream in. As they fawn over the bride, you try not to remember that time in your life when you were in the same position.

How many years has it been since your own wedding?

Fortunately, the wedding coordinator clears her throat, interrupting your thoughts. She gently ushers everyone out the door, instructing them to take their places on the lawn. It's almost time for the ceremony to begin.

You go over to the bride to give her a hug. "I love you, babe" you whisper in her ear.

As you pull away, she takes your hand for a moment. "I'm sorry he's here," she says softly.

You swallow the lump in your throat. She's referring to your ex-husband, of course. The same man who divorced you two years ago and said he made a mistake marrying you, the same man who quickly jumped into a new relationship with a much younger woman at work (yes, at work, where up until a year ago, you also happened to be employed at).

Unfortunately, he's also the same man who's stayed great friends with your cousin's soon-to-be husband.

"Don't be silly," you say, putting a hand over hers. "Steve has every right to be here, and, you know, we're good."

Lie. You hate the fact that he's here. And while you two aren't on hostile terms, "good" doesn't really cover it either. In fact, his is the last face you want to see right now. But your cousin doesn't need to know that. Actually, nobody does, and you intend to keep it that way.

Everybody's always talking about how your divorce is still the smoothest sailing separation they've ever heard of, like you went on a cruise or something, and you can kind of understand why. After all, you went out of your way to make it as pain-free as possible for all parties, except maybe for yourself.

That's the beauty of working in public relations. You're so used to handling other people's image crises that when it was time for you to handle your own, putting a positive spin on the matter had been laughably easy.

Nobody knows, not even your cousin, how bad it had been for you. Nobody knows how difficult it had been to pretend to be cool about it all because—guess what—even after all the things that happened, you still didn't want anybody, most especially your loved ones, to think any less of him. Nobody knows how you wanted to turn in your resignation as soon as you heard about them dating, but waited at least a year after to make sure people wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

One entire year of smiling, still doing your best work, being pleasant to him and his new girlfriend.

It was worth the sacrifice though.

You moved on. Not only did you start your own company, you also relocated to a different neighborhood, one that seems to love you as much as you love it. You now have a favorite pizza place, a local theater group you support, a bakery you frequent. You've been slowly rediscovering yourself as a person.

But then, just three months after your divorce date eclipsed its one-year mark, he sprang it on you. Said that he still has feelings for you. Said that he's confused.

You fell for it, too.

For several months, you tried to make it work, gave the two of you another chance. Until you learned that he's actually still with her, that he still has feelings for her, that he's just as confused as ever. And that's when you realized that he was never going to give you the love you know you deserve.

Hell, it was like going through the breakup all over again.

Your cousin sighs in relief, and you smile back, squeezing her hand affectionately. This is her day, you tell yourself firmly. However awful it might be to see your ex-husband again, you know it's all worth it.

As the orchestra begins to play Pachelbel's Canon in D, members of the wedding party start making their way down the aisle. You try not to fidget as you wait your turn. As the matron of honor, you're the last to walk before the bride herself. You check to make sure that your smile is still plastered on your face. Playing happy has become almost second nature to you now.

At least, your gown looks amazing, you think. In fact, everyone's dresses do, and that's because your cousin, a brilliant fashion designer, made sure that each gown suits the style every woman in her party is comfortable with. God, your cousin is an amazing person. You're so glad she's marrying someone who adores her wholeheartedly.

The wedding coordinator calls your attention as your turn comes up. "Ready?" she asks with a smile.

You nod, smiling back, You know how this works.

Walk slowly. Smile pleasantly at everyone. Keep the bouquet up.

You spot your ex-husband almost immediately on the right.

Walk slowly. Smile pleasantly at everyone. Keep the bouquet up.

Somehow, you manage not to lock eyes with him, only recognizing his person by the color of his coat and the buckle on his belt. Even more miraculously, your smile stays put.

Walk slowly. Smile pleasantly at everyone. Keep the bouquet up.

You then turn your gaze to the left. The view there must be better.

Walk slowly. Smile pleasantly at everyone. Keep the bouquet up.

That's when you nearly trip. While you've accounted for nearly every possible scenario in this wedding, including the prospect of seeing your ex-husband's girlfriend, the one thing that you didn't expect, the one person you didn't expect, was Charlie Barber, director and owner of the local theater group in your neighborhood.

Also. The man you've been fantasizing about for the last month and a half.

To be fair, he looks just as surprised to see you. Pleasantly surprised, you hope. He gives you a small wave. Caught off guard, you break character and raise a hand to give him a small wave back.

You reach the end of the aisle and take your place by the other bridesmaids. At the opposite end stands your cousin, along with her father, waiting to make her entrance.

The orchestra plays the last few notes of Canon in D before transitioning to a song that, at first, you don't recognize. It's light and playful and feels perfectly like two people in love. That's when you realize that you've heard it before. It's from one of Charlie's plays!

Is that why he's here?

Your eyes land back on Charlie, and to your surprise, he's looking right back at you. You try not to make a big deal out of it, especially since he's not the only one looking at you right now. Even without turning your head, you can tell that your ex-husband is also staring at you.

It's a beautiful day for a wedding, you tell yourself again, almost like a mantra. You just hope you survive it long enough to appreciate it!

Read Part 2 here

Tagging: @cornmousequeen, @fizzywoohoo, @paper-n-ashes@morby

If you would like to be tagged in future adcu stories or only those for specific adcu characters (which I cannot promise will actually happen), let me know! :) Otherwise, thank you for reading!

#charlie barber #adcu #adcu fanfiction #charlie barber x reader #charlie barber x afab reader #charlie barber x female reader #cw: implied past infidelity #cw: painful breakup #cw: divorce

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sif-the-tsunami · 3 years

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The Love I Can’t Give

Warnings: Pregnancy, fertility, motherhood, emotional neglect, jealousy, and emotional trauma

Authors note: I feel a deep, soul cleaning cry coming on. I had a conversation with my spouse today where I talked about how I realize that I don’t think I’ll get to be a mother again. And it hurts my heart in a real tangible way. Pregnancy announcements make me cry. Working with my pregnant coworker is difficult. We spent the afternoon with friends of ours and watching my friend who I adore with their husband just being doted on brought up a lot of emotions for me. I had a traumatic pregnancy and I know that my husband did the best that he could at the time. We were not ready to be parents when it happened. I guess I feel like if I have to cry, someone else needs to cry with me.

Anyways. Summary, Clark is in a long term relationship with a woman who was previously married. She has children from the previous marriage and has since been sterilized due to medical problems during her pregnancy. After a game night spent with a very pregnant friend, Clark comforts her as best as he can.

Clark lovingly gazed at the woman he adored across the table from him, she was one of the strongest women he had the pleasure of knowing. His beloved could weather any storm life could throw at her, she might swear and complain the whole time, and she would make it out the other side. But just like how he had his own weaknesses, she had her kryptonite. He could hear her voice crack ever so slightly as the night wore on, emotionally exhausted from holding back her feelings. Clark, who was acutely aware of his love’s heartbeat, could tell that she had been doing some of her breathing exercises when she excused herself earlier, trying to get control over her emotions. He knew when she was having a panic attack, she was trying her best to get herself back together and not worry him.

He pretended to get a text from their babysitter and brought the evening to a close earlier than they had planned. Ever the masochist, she would have stayed until the end despite the heartache she was enduring.

When they finally left their friend’s house, he caught what she had been pushing back as long as she possibly could. The staggered breath that was the only other outward sign she would give until her face would crumple and the tears would erupt.

“Hey, hun, do you want me to drive?” Without a word, just a slight nod, Clark came up behind his favorite human and kissed her shoulder. “You’re ok, I promise. You can let it out.”

They made it halfway to their apartment before the tears started to pour down her cheeks. Between broken gasps, she miserably choked out, “I’m sorry, Clark. I didn’t mean to ruin our evening...”

“You didn’t ruin anything. Sweetheart, you can always talk to me about whatever is going on.”

“Its... its so stupid.” She said softly. “You got a look on your face when Sarah was talking about her baby. And watching her husband just... so lovingly take care of her. My whole heart just broke. I can’t give that to you, I don’t get to experience that with you. Clark, you would be such a good daddy. You are so so wonderful with the girls. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I love you, I love the girls. Our little family feels complete to me. You made the right choice for you, you told me how sick you were during your pregnancies. I don’t think I could do that to you. Knowing I was the one that caused you that kind of pain would be difficult for me.” Clark reached across the car to hold her hand.

“I wish I could have had a chance to celebrate from the very beginning, where we stand in the bathroom together waiting for the little pink line to develop. Where the first reaction is joy, not terror.” She sniffed hard, “I felt like I ruined our lives when I got pregnant the first time. That he would never forgive me. I loved her immensely from the moment I knew, and all I could think was how badly I failed her because I picked the wrong person to be her dad.”

Clark gently lifted the hand he held and kissed it. “He grew into fatherhood though. I’ve seen how he is with the girls, he adores them and they love him.”

“Yeah, but this wasn’t the life he wanted. I gave him so many opportunities to walk away, and I wouldn’t have held it against him. Then one day he accused me of cheating on him. And bear in mind, this was supposed to have happened when I was so severely depressed that all I could do was try to keep my baby from screaming.”

“I don’t think you’ve told me this before.”

“I think I’ve only told my therapist about this.” She looked out the window, and softly added, “There are some nights that I stay up and I hope that you never grow to resent me because I can’t have more babies. I love you so much, and the idea that I’m keeping you from something you want hurts my heart.”

“I could never resent you, the only thing I want is to show you that you and the girls are enough for me. Besides, I was a adopted, I know that blood doesn’t make someone your family.” Clark looked at her face after they parked. He watched the matriarch of their household compose herself before getting out of the car. He walked up behind her and held her gently to him. “Let’s take the scenic route upstairs, shall we.”

She wrapped her arms around his torso and placed her head on his chest, Clark placed a kiss on her forehead as they quietly ascended into the night sky.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #my apologies to henry cavill #clark kent #fluff

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absurdthirst · 3 years

Note

can I voice an unpopular opinion here? Your blog seems like a safe place for this. I despise breeding kink. I am a mother. I had my son at 36 after years of trying to get pregnant. While we were trying, we had plenty of hot, mind blowing sex, but after? *crickets* I have not had sex in six years. I had a long, difficult labor and I came *this* close to an emergency C-section. Pregnancy was hard for me, I had gestational diabetes and for most of it, the hubby was working out of state, 1/2 🐍

First off, you are allowed to voice any opinion here as long as it is not demeaning, disrepectful or derogatory to anyone. And this is not.

Secondly, I am so sorry that you went through such a traumatic pregnancy and delivery with your son. (I have a similar story as far as bad pregnancies go, but this is about you.)

Now, your husband should have kept his goddamn mouth shut about them sewing you up. Vey insensitive considering the tear and the fact that you had just had a whole ass human being literally rip itself out of your body. Zero points for him on that one.

Not touching you afterwards? I’ve heard that some men are unable to deal with the sight of childbirth and view their partners differently afterwards. It’s unfair and that shit needs to be talk through in some counselling. I would highly recommend you go alone, to work through your own emotions concerning your pregnancy as well as with your husband so hopefully you can start to reestablish a healthy relationship that includes physical intimacy.

My husband watched his son being born with his ex wife, and while it didn’t affect their sex life, he flat out stated he would not watch me give birth if we were to have a child. He would be up at my head, but he didn’t want to see it again. (But that is a non-issue now since we have decided we are not having anymore children)

My father, watched both of his children being brought into the world and views it as one of the most beautiful things that there is. So I believe it real just is the personal preference/opinion of the person.

You should feel betrayed. Especially if your husband has not talked to you about why he hasn’t touched you. Your pregnancy was planned, this wasn’t some accident that thrust the experience and fatherhood on him.

As far as the breeding kink triggering you? I can see where that could happen. That is why I try to tag and warn about it so that those that do not enjoy it can scroll on by.

I am sending you all the best wishes that I can!! 😘😘😘

#real talk #tw pregnancy #tw childbirth #tw sex

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jazy3 · 3 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X12

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Well that was an intense episode. Wow. I have to say this episode left me shaken, but I think that was the point. To put it in your face and make you take notice. The other bad stuff going on in the world doesn’t just stop because there’s a pandemic going on as much as we all wish it would. In this episode the show covered a lot of ground. They showed the Black Lives Matter protests and talked about previous protest movements that have taken place. They tackled police brutality and anti-black racism and violence and how traumatizing and fatal a simple traffic stop can be if you’re black.

They showed anti-Asian racism and the difficulties of treating someone who doesn’t think COVID-19 is real. They addressed issues about health care reform in the United States and how the most vulnerable people in society are the hardest hit right now. It was a hard watch. It boggles my mind that there are people out there that think COVID is a hoax or that health care professionals are getting kickbacks of some kind. People who believe that have a greatly over estimated view of how government and health care institutions operate. The idea that a government or a hospital would ever be in a position to do such a thing is absurd and the idea that people would perpetuate that on a mass scale is just ridiculous.

The patient that Bailey treated who was a COVID denier infuriated me! How can people be so stupid? So ignorant? So disrespectful? I get why Bailey freaked out and had to take a minute. I would too. I love that she still tried to help the man get better and tried to frame things in a way he could understand. But he still refused and while she was gone, he signed out AMA. Ultimately, he was killed by his own ignorance and I felt for Bailey when she was ranting to Teddy about how ridiculous it all is.

This was a small moment but when Bailey comes over to talk to the COVID denying patient he calls the surgical resident whose treating him, Dr. Mabel Tseng, a nurse. After Bailey corrects him, he doesn’t apologize he just calls them ‘her’. So not only does this guy think COVID is a hoax but he’s also racism and sexist. I like that they showed that just because there’s a pandemic going on and the focus of the episode is on anti-black racism and police violence that doesn’t mean that the racism and sexism that other people experience magically goes away.

I like the way they handled the protests and showing the different ways people choose to respond in times of crisis. Richard went to march, Jackson realized he felt like he wasn't doing enough, Catherine continued to try to work within the system, and Hayes had to make difficult choices about whether to let his boys go to protests and was injured when he had to step in front of someone who tried to attack his sons. I hate that this stuff isn’t fictional. I hate that there are real people out there getting hurt and killed every day for no reason.

As a white person I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for parents and guardians to have to make decisions about this kind of thing. How do you keep your child safe when the people you are supposed to call in an emergency want them dead? What do you do when the state itself considers you disposable? A non-human object? Do you march and protest and try to make your voice heard and make a difference? Or do you stay home and keep to yourself and try to help in other ways? What do you do knowing that just being at home does not keep you or your child safe?

One bright spot in this episode for me was seeing Hayes interact with his sons and getting to see more of their dynamic. Watching him grapple with figuring out what the right thing to do was with regards to letting his boys protest or making them stay home was heartbreaking. Also the fact that he was so blasé about getting hit on the head with a Billy Club to the point that he needed stitches to Jackson really got me. The fact that he had to step in front of his children to stop them from being attacked by a neo-Nazi is insane and I hate that real people in real life have to deal with this.

I loved getting to learn more about who Hayes is as a parent and his relationship with his boys and his sister-in-law. I loved the scene at the end there where he told them he realized he was wrong and that this was their country and if they want to protest, they should but only during the daytime and only with him for safety. I particularly liked that scene because they’ve established that Hayes is Irish and that he grew up and spent most of his adult life living in Ireland before moving to Switzerland and then the U.S. But his wife Abigail was an American which would make his boys Irish American and most likely dual citizens.

His boys are black and biracial, and they were born in another country and recently immigrated to the U.S. This episode takes place at the end of May in 2020. Trump was still in office and things were going from bad to worse. Which is a very scary time to be all of those things for Hayes’ boys, so I get why he struggled with this. But I also understand why he decided to let them protest. As Hayes says this is a moment. I wish that coming up on a year later we could say that things have radically improved. And while there have been some improvements not enough has changed. In the U.S., Canada, and so many other places.

The scenes with Winston being stopped by the police were scary and I hate that that is the reality for so many people. A lot of the issues they showed in this episode with regards to how black people are treated are just as much of a problem here in Canada. The rates are less in some cases because our population is lower than the U.S. and we have stricter gun control laws, but the issues are just as real and as heartbreaking. I felt like I was going to throw up watching those scenes.

It was so hard to watch, and I was so scared for Winston. What really got me is that I knew Winston wasn't going to die because they upped him to a regular cast member at the start of this season but for the real-life people who go through this that is not a guarantee. They don't know if they are going to make it out alive at a simple traffic stop. My heart broke for Winston and for Maggie. As a white person I cannot imagine the terror that black, brown, and Indigenous people in my own country and elsewhere must feel every time this happens. I got why Maggie was so distraught and unable to focus. I would panic too.

It would be extremely difficult for anyone to focus on their work when you know the police could be murdering your fiancé at that very moment. I'm glad that Richard was there to help and support her so that she could then help her patient. I definitely think Maggie and Winston are endgame. I got that vibe from the beginning and I still feel it now. I’m starting to feel like this season’s finale will feature Maggie and Winston’s wedding.

I also thought the scene where Jackson came to talk to Catherine about why she didn’t take him to protests as a kid and why they don’t go to protests was interesting. Jackson was upset because he suddenly realized that he felt like he wasn't doing enough or being involved enough. He wanted to know why his mother didn't take him to protests and why she taught him to work inside of a system that was never made to include people like them and still isn't. He's angry because that clearly isn't working. Catherine for her part felt like she had suffered enough and just wanted to keep her son safe and took what Jackson said as a personal offense.

This is one of the aspects of Catherine's character that I really don't like because she takes things really personally that aren't really about her at all. I liked seeing some more follow up to what Jackson and Mama Ortiz were talking about last week and Jackson's ongoing fight to really help people in Seattle in a more systemic and long-lasting way. I have no idea where Jackson is headed at the end of the episode and I'm really interested to find out. I also liked the scenes in the hyperbaric chamber where Levi heard Meredith's voice in his head telling him what to do and not to panic. He’s really coming into his own as a doctor. He’s no longer the bumbling idiot who dropped his glasses into a body cavity on his first day.

I thought the editing and the inclusion of Meredith’s voice was really well done. I’m disappointed that Jo is switching specialties and choosing to go into OBGYN because as I’ve said before I don’t feel that they’ve given us enough set up here. I thought we got some great set up in that one episode about her switching to Urology and being mentored by Catherine and I’m sorry they’re not going that route. She briefly talks to Hayes in this episode and they’ve worked a few cases together now and she still hasn’t brought up her desire to switch so I think it’s safe to say that Hayes won’t be mentoring her or training her. My guess is that Carina will be the one doing that. Although I can’t understand why Jo hasn’t approached her on screen or mentioned that by this point.

I think this storyline will only last so long if the show gets another season. There’s only so much content they can create out of ‘Jo delivers babies and sleeps with Jackson’. I think Jo will make the switch and then will get bored quickly and wind up re-specializing again in either pediatric, fetal, or neo-natal surgery. It was nice to see Teddy back at work and doing better and I really loved the sweater that Amelia wore in the brief scenes that she had. While watching this episode my best friend and I were talking about how those of us who lived through the pandemic and this time of social unrest will probably never want to re-watch certain episodes of this season and other shows or media from this time because it's just too hard.

It's too painful. It's too raw. I understand now why people who grew up during times of war and social unrest don't want to talk about it. Don't want to look at anything that reminds them of that time. We're still in it and I already feel that way. Onto next week’s promo! And it looks like I was right! Derek is coming back in what appears to be his last appearance. Him and Meredith are shown talking and embracing and I think Meredith is going to wake up and return to the land of the living once and for all. It’s also been revealed that April will be returning not next week but the week after. I’m excited to see what April returning will mean and how it affects Jackson and Jo’s storylines.

Until next time!

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everydaykdramasstuff · 3 years

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Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha, episode 13

First impression:

It is hard to see Dusik and Hyejin’s relationship dissolve slowly. I understand how they feel and how difficult it is for both of them. Hyejin wants to know about the missing five years of his life, because she wants a relationship with no secrets and Dusik is not ready to share about his past trauma even though he loves her. Their last scene was not a fight, but someone longing for something the other one cannot give at this moment. It was beautiful to see Hyejin holding Yungyeong and Geumcheol’s newborn baby. She realized that she wants a family and to be a mother. To be parents with Dusik. He is not just a boyfriend; she sees him as someone who can be the one, she marries and have children with. I do hope that will happen and they will have a happy ending, but for that to happen then Dusik has to be honest with her about his traumatic past. I do not longer think that he had a wife and child (the Instagram theory) after Hyejin found that photo, but who are they and what relation do they have to each other?

I’m sorry I am not up-to-date with episode 13 and 14. I have been drowning with uni work. Next episode will be up tomorrow.

#tvn hometown cha cha cha #hometown cha cha cha #tvn #first impression #episode 13 #tv show #drama #kdrama #yoon hyejin #hong dusik #shin min a #kim seon ho #love #relationship #tv couple

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g-46-stark · 4 years

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Find Me In Paris: Things I’m still wondering...

So, I really love Find me in Paris, is really funny and original.

I appreciate the way they handle all the time travel stuff... I’ve watched it like a hundred of times, but I’m still wondering:

1-Why no one ever told Lena about the Russian Revolutions of 1905 and 1917?

Really, not even Ines, who’s like the ballerina version of Hermione Granger.

For the ones who don’t know what I’m talking about, or just wants a reminder, I’m going to make a short resume:

From 1904 to 1905 Russia and Japan were fighting a war; Russia lose it, so people weren’t very happy (they also realize some social classes needed some changes);

The Russian army repressed a manifestation in St. Petersburg (some people want to present a petition to zar Nikolai II);

It started a revolution that lasted two years (1905-1907). After it, the zar was forced to create the Duma (a sort of Parliament). Some historicals think that this was the first step of the 1917 Russian Revolution;

During WWI, the social situation in Russia wasn’t all this good, especially for the factory worker. They all unite under the ideals of Lenin, and it started the October Revolution, which led to the abdication of zar Nikolai II;

Due to some political issue (it started a civil war between the new communist government and people that still wanted the zar) Nikolai Romanov and his family (his wife Alexandra, his four daughter Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia, and his son Alexei) were took in Siberia and then killed.

So, Lena is a Russian princess: some people think is Nikolai daughter, but since it’s not specificated, let’s say she’s his niece.

She obviously doesn’t know about Russian nobility fate; so, she still thinks that in Russia there would be a zar, who would be one of Nikolai’s descendants.

She says on more than one occasion that she is a princess, who lives in a palace in Russia.

But the thing is this: I don’t think the old Russian nobility still lives in Russia and has all their old proprieties such as palaces.

So no one (not even the teachers) find strange that Lena goes around saying she’s a princess?

This leads me to the next point: why doesn’t Ines tell Lena about Russia 20th century history?

She knows Lena is from 1905, so she knows why she doesn’t know about it.

If I know that one of my dearest friends is a time traveler from 1900’s Russia (and part of the nobility), one of the first thing I would say to them it would be: “If you ever go back in your century, stay away from Russia! Move to the US and don’t go anywhere else!”.

I understand Ines wouldn’t say that for all the “don’t change the past because you don’t know how it could affect the future” thing, but seriously… Lena always said she wanted to go back! You don’t want to even warn her?

And later, in season 2, Lena said to Max all the truth; and she also said she wanted to go back so she could save Ines.

All Max has to say on it was: “Oh, ok. I’m really sad that you’re leaving, but that’s ok. Let’s create the most transgressive choreography that Paris Opera has ever seen.”.

And I was like… Ehm…hello?? The girl you claim to love just said she wanted to go back at the beginning of a disastrous century!! She’s leading herself into two revolutions and probably her death, but ok, let’s dance through it.

No one there knows anything about 1900’s Russian history?

And besides that, what about the history lessons or the history teacher?

What do they teach students in that school?

Oh, right...

2- Max's family: What happened between Max and Ruben (Reuben?)? What happened between Armando and his wife? And, more importantly, where is she?

I know that since Lena is the main character, we should be worried about her background story, but really… you can’t throw us some hints about Max's dysfunctional family and then just walk away.

I mean, maybe it’s just me, but I’m still confused about something.

If I get it right (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong):

Ruben is not Armando biological son: he was adopted in Spain;

He was a street boy, who was an extraordinarily talented dancer;

He and Max were inseparable;

At some point, their mum took them to London, where she wanted them to attend a boarding school (Arrow? Harrow?);

Max was accepted, but Ruben wasn’t;

So, Armando took the boy with him to New York (where he presumably worked for the Imperial Ballet) since their mum “can’t take care of him”;

Then something bad happened between the two brothers;

The result was that Max was expelled from his school and his relationship with Ruben was ruined;

Max said that Ruben came to visit him at school and started “acting like himself”: he made something bad, but we don’t know what;

After “breaking his mother’s heart” for being expelled (words from Armando), Max won a sort of scholarship for a European ballet school and chose to go to Paris;

Then, it happens all Lena’s stuff;

At a certain point Ruben comes back in Max life, “stealing” is brother baroque choreography and going at his school (and dancing with his chica);

In a dialogue, we discover that he and Max made a promise, but one of them broke it;

I think it was about not “entering in the other's territory”? Like, Ruben couldn’t go to Max boarding school and Max couldn’t go to a ballet school/found a hip-hop crew?

I don’t know if I missed something or I just misunderstood things, if you can explain it to me, I’ll be happy to listen.

Anyway, I have some main question about Max family:

WHERE IS HIS MUM??

I mean, I assumed she lives in London, her son lives in Paris, it’s like an hour's flight… why she never shows up?

Not even for his shows at Garnier? Not even when her son injured himself so bad that he ends up in the hospital and had surgery?

Is she dead? Is she ill? Like does she have cancer or something so bad that she couldn’t take a plane to go to visit her hurt son? In that case, I’m sorry for my cruel judgment.

But otherwise…I know that the others character parents never go to visit their children (the only exception were Dash and Thea’s mums), but I think that every parent would have shown up in case their child end up in a hospital.

Is she totally unaffectionate?

Because the quote from Armando: “I took Ruben to NY because he wasn’t admitted at Harrow and your mother couldn’t take care of him” sound pretty bad.

What happened between Max's parents?

I know that married couple living in different city/country due to work isn’t uncommon, so it wouldn’t have bothered me if some word in Max and Armando’s dialogue in season 1 hadn’t been said:

Armando said that his wife decided to take the boys back to London, and it sounded to me like he didn’t totally agree with that decision.

Max said something like “don’t speak about mum” as it hurts listening to his dad talking about his mum.

So, maybe I’m seeing drama everywhere, but it seems to me that something happened with Max's mum and/or between the parents.

My interpretation of that, after seeing that scene, is that Armando and his wife were divorcing, so Mum took her sons and moved to London (without Dad's consent, maybe, it’s sadly common in some difficult divorces). Both the boys were obviously traumatized by that, so Ruben started acting badly (so he wasn’t admitted at school) making his mum desperate and unwilling to take care of him? And maybe Max was angry with his father for leaving mum and them (and after, for taking Ruben to NY and leaving him in a boarding school)?

Why are Ruben and Max hating each other?

Okay, they’re brothers, but we’re going a little too far, don’t we?

Maybe Max’s a little jealous of Ruben's talent and (again) because he was taken to New York with their father while he was in a British all-male boarding school and blah, blah, blah… okay, we get it.

But Ruben?

Maybe he is jealous because he’s not Armando's biological son? Because he thinks Armando would always choose his “real” son instead of him?

It could be, but I’m totally plotting things on this point

We know that probably Ruben was the reason for Max's expulsion from his old school, and I presume that their parents thought it was Max’s fault, but I don’t think that’s all the story.

I mean, I personally want to know more about this.

In conclusion, dear producers: you can’t just toss at us two brothers that literally want to punch one another without a real explanation and expecting us to just walk away with that.

So…tell me what you think.

Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading it!

#find me in paris #max x lena #max alvarez #armando castillo #lena grisky

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femalechibiblogger · 4 years

Text

Tatsumi Character Bio (Merman in My Tub)

Age: 17

Occupation: High School Student; Part-timer at a liquor store

Family: Unnamed Grandfather (deceased), Unnamed Father, Unnamed Mother, Kasumi (younger sister), Hisatora (uncle), Unnamed Cousin

Likes: Octopus, steamed crab, cooking, saving money, entertaining guests, helping friends and neighbors, memories of his grandfather, teaching Wakasa and his friends about human things.

Dislikes: Slime, Wakasa acting spoiled, sleeping in the bathroom, Kasumi trying to seduce him, being in pictures, his grandfather’s things being broken, taking baths, swimming, Wakasa and his friends being in danger.

Voice Actor: Nobunaga Shimazaki

Description

Tatsumi is the main, human protagonist of the anime and manga: Merman in My Tub. Tatsumi is a high school senior who lived alone until he met a merman named Wakasa. After Wakasa begins to live with Tatsumi in his bathtub, Tatsumi’s life becomes more lively as he befriends Wakasa’s mer-friends.

Personality

Tatsumi is a kind and selfless person who often puts others before himself. Tatsumi is a responsible boy who acts very grown-up, as he often cooks and does chores at home, and he works part-time at his cousin’s liquor store. Tatsumi is the grown-up compared to Wakasa and the other mermen...despite them being much, much older than him.

Though Tatsumi rarely shows emotions, there are times when he smiles or gets angry. When angry, he gives people a cold look if they did something that made him angry. When he is happy, he will smile and blush a little...which makes him look quite cute. Whenever Wakasa does something childish, like not eating green vegetables or throwing a tantrum, Tatsumi will act like a parent and scold him for it.

Tatsumi appears to be quite skilled in many things such as cooking, cleaning, and making mud balls. However, he does not know how to properly treat a cold, or fix broken appliances.

Tatsumi has a strong dislike for slime...especially Wakasa’s slimy skin. Tatsumi also dislikes baths and swimming, due to a traumatic incident as child: Tatsumi fell in a river and drowned while he was fishing (it was later revealed that Wakasa was the one who almost drowned him by accident).

Relationships

Wakasa: Wakasa is a merman who Tatsumi found washed up on the riverbank. At first, Tatsumi did not know that Wakasa was a merman until afterwards, and allowed Wakasa to live with him in his bathtub. Wakasa disliked living in the river, and has no intention of leaving Tatsumi’s home. Wakasa is 200 years old (or even older than that), but acts like a child from time to time. Wakasa loves being spoiled by Tatsumi, and often has him cook meat and sweets for him. Wakasa is also quite feminine, as he loves bath products such as bath mix-ins and celebrity shampoo and conditioners. Because he cannot survive long out of water, Wakasa has to stay in the bathtub all day, since he will die if his body dries up. Because of this...Tatsumi’s water, gas and electric bills are often through the roof...much to his dismay. Wakasa tries to do something productive with Tatsumi everyday, and often feels bad for being a freeloader (though he cannot have a job since he is a merman, and he needs to stay in water to stay alive). Wakasa is very protective of Tatsumi to the point that, if Tatsumi is hurt, he will become very angry which will awaken some kind of power that allows him to control water (though he seems to be unaware of this power). It is revealed that, when Tatsumi was a child fishing at the river, Wakasa was caught on his line and almost drowned him. Wakasa got angry at the young Tatsumi and threatend him not to tell Tatsumi about his existence. After this incident, Tatsumi developed a fear of water and slime, and stopped taking baths and swimming. Neither of them remembered this until a year after they began to live with each other...though Wakasa attempted to change the story, but Tatsumi then remembered what had really happened. Tatsumi and Wakasa’s relationship can be described as being like a married couple. Though they are not a couple, they seem to sometimes act like one.

Takasu: Takasu is an octopus-merman who has been friends with Wakasa since he was a child. Like Wakasa, Takasu can be a bit childish sometimes...but he is a bit more mature than Takasu sometimes. Takasu is very skilled with is tentacles when it comes to fixing appliances and electronics. For example: He quickly fixed Wakasa’s bathtub tv after accidentally breaking it. Tatsumi likes Takasu’s ability to quickly fix things, and is both amazed and annoyed by his artistic talents. When he first met Tatsumi, Takasu gave him a message using his tentacles, which he only gives to people whom he likes. Takasu lives in the river, but he often comes over to visit Tatsumi and Wakasa. Like real-life octopi, he loves small and dark spaces.

Mikuni: Mikuni is a jellyfish-merman and one of Wakasa’s friends. Because he is a jellyfish type, people thought that Mikuni was a ghost due to him being transparent. He is very calm and always smiling, and is shown to be a bit forgetful sometimes. Tatsumi likes Mikuni because he is very polite and friendly, and was worried when Mikuni said that he did not need to eat food. Because Mikuni’s body is 99% water, he will shrink if his body has not been in water for quite a while. Mikuni can eat solid foods, but he is embarrassed about it because the solid food he eats can be seen through his see through body. Mikuni’s body can separate and multiply into tiny Mikuni’s who act childish and mischievous. Because he is a jellyfish type, Mikuni can shock people with electricity...either on accident or on purpose. Tatsumi tends to spoil Mikuni because he is polite. Mikuni lives in the river, but

Maki: Maki is a sea snail-merman who is also one of Wakasa’s friends. Maki first met Tatsumi after Tatsumi had rescued him from being kicked around by two boys. Because he is small, Maki is often depressed, self deprecating, and negative about his existence as a snail. He does not trust people so easily, probably due to being bullied a lot by creatures bigger and stronger than him. However, after being shown kindness by Tatsumi, he becomes more positive and cheerful...until Tatsumi called him ‘small’, which reverted Maki back to his original self. Maki often stays in dark places like his shell, so his eyesight is really bad and needs glasses in order to see (he actually thought that Tatsumi was Wakasa’s girlfriend before being corrected). Tatsumi feels both sorry for and annoyed with Maki’s negativity...but he still treats him kindly. Maki is shown to be quite shy and does, in fact, love the company of his friends. He loves having his shell scrubbed.

Agari: Agari is a shark-merman and Wakasa’s senpai. When Tatsumi first met Agari, he was scared of him due to him being a shark. But soon afterwards, Tatsumi saw that Agari was actually quite shy and sensitive, and that he also had difficult with communicating with others. Agari does not speak, because his voice, and the inside of his mouth, frighten people...so he communicates through body language (Wakasa often translates for him, but Tatsumi understands him somehow). According to Wakasa...Agari was the inspiration for many shark movies such as ‘Jaws’, ‘Sharknado’, etc. Agari is likely many centuries old, since he is older than Wakasa (who is hundreds of years old himself). Agari only appears on the manga.

Goromaru: Goromaru is a starfish-merman. At first, Goromaru was ignored by Tatsumi and Wakasa...even though he had been around for quite a while. Being a starfish-type, Goromaru can stick to the ceiling without falling, which he uses to change light bulbs in Tatsumi’s house. Goromaru thinks of Tatsumi as ‘cool’ and ‘manly’, and refers to him as ‘big brother’. Goromaru develops a crush on Tatsumi’s little sister, Kasumi...who often rejects his love confessions. Nevertheless, Goromaru never gives up on making Kasumi fall for him. Despite appearing to be the same age as Kasumi, Goromaru is actually far older than he looks...though he is not as old as Wakasa (this could mean that mer-people age a lot slower than humans do). Tatsumi treats him like a little brother, and often gives him his favorite dish: Oysters. Goromau often hangs out in Tatsumi’s bathroom with everyone else. Goromaru only appears in the manga.

Echizen: Echizen is a crab-merman and a long-time friend of Wakasa’s. Echizen appears to be quite protective of Wakasa, as he is often trying to get him to come back and live in the ocean with him. Echizen does not like Tatsumi, because humans did bad things to him and Wakasa many years ago. Echizen is quite sadistic, and believes that mer-people should not interact with humans. Despite this, Tatsumi treats Echizen as a guest and even helps him when he is low on calcium (crabs love calcium). Echizen and Takasu used to be friends when they were children...until they met Wakasa and began to fight over him (Wakasa was unaware that he was the cause of their friendship falling apart). After they were accidentally given a truth serum made by Tatsumi’s uncle, it was revealed that Echizen and Takasu wanted to be friends with each other again...though they tried to deny it. Echizen only appears in the manga.

Makara: Makara is a clownfish-merman/woman who Wakasa treats as a younger sibling. Makara is very shy around strangers, and does not like to interact with people they do not know. Being a clownfish-type, Makara can change their gender from male to female: Male around women and female around men. At first, Makara did not like Tatsumi when they first met. But after getting to know each other, Makara fell in love with Tatsumi and wanted to stay a woman for him. Tatsumi became embarrassed, and pointed out to Makara that he was underaged compared to Makara (who is already an adult). Makara wants to show Tatsumi their home...but is unaware that Tatsumi would drown. Makara becomes friends with Kasumi. Makara only appears in the manga.

Sosuke: Sosuke is Tatsumi’s best human friend and classmate. Sosuke is a kind and energetic person who often worries about Tatsumi. Sosuke is unaware that Tatsumi has a merman living with him, and instead thinks that Tatsumi has a foreign woman living with him (he found a long-blonde hair on Tatsumi’s clothes, which made him think that he was living with a foreign woman). Tatsumi appears to be Sosuke’s only friend, as he is not seen hanging out with anyone else. Sosuke comes from a rich family and has two older sisters, both who appear to dote a lot on him. He only appears in the manga.

Parents: Tatsumi appears to have a good relationship with his parents. They often worry about Tatsumi, because he is living alone by himself and has high bills for water and gas. Tatsumi does not wish to make them worried, and sometimes visits them during the holidays. They do not know about Wakasa or any of the other mermen. Tatsumi’s parents are often mentioned and heard in the manga, and only make cameo appearances from time to time.

Kasumi: Kasumi is Tatsumi’s sister who is 10 years younger than him. Kasumi is a little girl who loves her big brother more than anything else in the world, and even wants to marry him when she’s older. Kasumi becomes jealous if another girl is interested in her big brother, though she does not mind if her brother only thinks of girls as friends. Though Tatsumi loves Kasumi as a little sister, he does feel a bit overwhelmed by her from time to time. He wouldn’t mind of Kasumi had a crush on another boy, as he doesn’t want her to have a crush on her own brother. Kasumi found out about Wakasa when she came over to visit Tatsumi. At first, she thought that Wakasa was woman, and was even more surprised when she saw that he was a merman. Kasumi gets along with Wakasa, as they both have similar interests such as bath products and soap operas. There have been times when Kasumi thinks that Wakasa may be in love with Tatsumi, but she doesn’t see him as much of a threat due to his inexperience with love. Kasumi also knows about some of the other mermen, but hasn’t met all of them yet.

Hisatora: Hisatora is Tatsumi’s uncle and the younger brother of Tatsumi’s father. Hisatora is a science teacher who creates various bath products, hoping to attract women with them. Hisatora has Tatsumi test out the products, though Tatsumi really doesn’t want to. Unfortunately, Hisatora blackmails him by threatening to reveal embarrassing things about his young nephew from when he was in middle school. Hisatora’s bath products always backfire in various ways: Turning into quick dry concrete, making a person act like an infant, creating extremely thick fog, and even creating super sticky slime. One of his formulas turned out to be a truth serum, which made Takasu and Echizen reveal that they wanted to be friends with each other again. Hisatora often gets drunk and beaten up by women he tries to hit on, and is often called a ‘perverted old man’ by Tatsumi. Despite this, however...Hisatora cares a lot about Tatsumi, as he was worried about him living on his own. Hisatora thinks that Wakasa is a woman, and even accidentally saw that he was a merman. Fortunately, he was drunk and had no memory of Wakasa being a merman the next day.

Cousin: Tatsumi has a male cousin who runs a liquor store, which is where Tatsumi works part-time. Not much is known about him, though he and Tatsumi appear to be close, since he allowed Tatsumi to work at his store. He appears to be a bit of a jokester and is pretty laid back. His face is never really seen, and his real name is never mentioned. He is from Tatsumi’s father’s side of the family, meaning that Tatsumi has an aunt or uncle who is his father and Uncle Hisatora’s sibling.

Grandfather: Tatsumi had a close relationship with his late grandfather, who lived in the house that Tatsumi currently lives in. As a child, Tatsumi would go fishing and climb mountains with him every week. His grandfather had a lot of interests and hobbies, which is why Tatsumi’s house is filled with various, unused items. Tatsumi would often go to the summer festival with his grandfather, but stopped going after his grandfather died. Tatsumi’s grandfather died before Kasumi was born, meaning that he died when Tatsumi was 10 years old. He was the father of Tatsumi’s father and Uncle Hisatora.

Gallery

Gifs

#merman in my tub #orenchi no furo jijou #character description #anime #tatsumi

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diverse-writing · 4 years

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Pt. 1-Hi! I'm a Black woman writing a Fanfiction for an anime series called Food Wars and I'm creating a sister and brother who are half-Lakota (Itazipcola Band) and half-Black American. They're going to a Japanese Culinary High School, the same school their great-uncle (Kiowa) went to when America was in Japan, post-WWII for a few years as his father was in the army. It's a very competitive school with diverse characters and cooking styles/types. They both want to travel and see a new country.

(continued) They live in Sioux Falls, SD after moving from the Cheyenne River Rez years ago. The family owns a Catering company with Native, African, and American Southern food (Mom is from VA) that does Showcasings, Chef Demos, and feeding the people within both communities while mentoring the youth. Annie (Older sis) wants to be a Pastry Chef as Andrew (little bro) does mostly savory, especially BBQ. Annie was on a kid's baking show as Andrew won kid's BBQ competitions. Both siblings want to help their communities by spreading awareness about poverty, suicide, and other stuff. They are active in their Native heritage. I did research in Natives in Japan, and I found that it's a bit mixed. Some people don't know about Natives, or that they do but only through the news and old western films. There's this one guy who went to a tribe to learn about the culture and he went back to Japan to teach his students about how the Natives truly lived. There's a Native jewelry store in Tokyo So some Japanese do know about Natives, I want to write a few small scenes where the Japanese students ask questions that are stereotypical about Natives and Black people, but they learn from the siblings. Annie begins to have a crush on a boy who is mixed indigenous (Ainu/Saami), but isn't connected to those cultures, because of his Ainu dad dying and Saami mom leaving him. He was adopted by a rich Japanese/Danish family. I want him to learn more about his heritage after falling for Annie and begins to heal from his past through learning about the Saami. Before he didn't want to do anything with them due to his mom. Andrew falls for a Japanese girl who does Medicine Cuisine. He's a expert in Nutrition and tries to help his people's health issues. They have a cute relationship. I thought of these characters just like any other person. I'm Black and I don't like seeing stereotypes. Annie and Andrew love music due to their dad formerly being in a band with only one album. They're both crafty with the Arts due to their grandparents on both sides teaching them. Annie is more outgoing, goofy, and blunt than Andrew but she enjoys the simple stuff in life and loves fashion (Vintage 60s/70s and Punk) Andrew is more quiet and shy, but not antisocial. He just likes doing his own thing while teasing his sis on her shortness and crush. He likes comfy, Punk clothing. I was just wondering what is offensive and not. I want to show their food and aspects of culture, like Powwows (I've been watching videos on Lakota Powwows) and I've been wondering if there's a coming of age ceremony. I don't want to show it just mention it. Is this where people get their Lakota name? I don't want to do religious ceremonies since that's sacred and also I'm not really religious, but what if I want to allude about it? Sorry that this was way too long!

Okay, this is a huge question but I’ll do my best to answer it with the GIANT caveat that I’m not indigenous and am only answering to the best of my knowledge. If any indigenous followers--particularly those with experience in Japan/with Japanese culture, though of course all are welcome--have thoughts or feelings, as always feel free to add more information and/or correct me!

A few observations that jump out, based on your description of your narrative framework:

Their food. Okay, while I know absolutely nothing about the food cultures you describe, I’m a huge fan of connecting with your culture through your food (and your stomach!) so I love this framing. That being said, to my knowledge African American food is fairly distinct from African food, with the former more likely to be in their cultural background given your description (obviously, in this situation you’re the expert on Black culture so feel free to totally ignore me here).

Andrew’s food interests. Related to the previous bullet point, based on my understanding Medicine Cuisine and Nutrition would be super interesting focuses for him given his cultural background. It’d be super cool to seem him integrate his various cooking specialties and heritages into nourishing food to support his people.

Knowledge about Native Americans in Japan. I do think it’s likely accurate that unless someone in Japan has personally done research, the average Japanese citizen probably knows very little about indigenous Native Americans in the same way the average American knows very little about Japanese indigenous ethnic groups.

Relatedly, I think it makes sense for their Japanese classmates to ask stereotypical questions, but you should steer clear of just plain offensive questions. As you likely know, answering stereotypical questions about your identity and heritage is exhausting and should be treated as such within the narrative. Your characters are in school to educate themselves, not to educate their classmates, so while the latter may occur sometimes I don’t think it should be their focus. So while the intent of the questioning scene may partially be to help answer readers’ questions about Annie and Andrew’s heritage (and Black and Lakota culture to an extent), remember that the ultimate goal of representation is not to educate others but to help people within those demographics see themselves on the page. And more likely than not, Black and Lakota readers won’t want to see characters representing themselves having to answer the same repetitive questions they face down all the time.

I know you only mentioned him in passing, but I have a lot more thoughts specifically about Annie’s mixed Ainu/Saami crush. I don’t want to tell you *not* to write him but I do think there are several pitfalls you need to carefully avoid moving forward.

His Saami mother. There’s a big stereotype around POC abandoning their children, being absent or flighty parents, or otherwise just failing to properly nuture their children. While I’m unaware of any specific stereotype regarding indigenous parents, I would tentatively say that doesn’t mean those stereotypes don’t exist, so tread carefully. That being said, I do know there’s a stereotype about indigenous people being alcoholics, so you should absolutely avoid characterizing his mother as such because as an outsider, you don’t have the power to subvert that stereotype.

His relationship with his heritage. I would also be very cautious while writing his arc of reconnecting to his heritage. While reconnecting is unfortunately a very real (and very under represented) process for indigenous people, it’s an extremely difficult and personal process that I don’t think outsiders are qualified to write in-depth about. Though I don’t think you should necessarily gloss over his reconnecting process, I do think it should perhaps be a side character arc, rather than his defining character arc. For example, he might mention to Annie that her passion for her heritage has inspired him to research his own family, or else maybe he’s pictured buying a book on the Saami language. (The current discussion around Rick Riordan’s portrayal of Piper’s imperfect reconnection to her Cherokee heritage makes some really good points, so I’d check that out if you’re familiar with his books. I’d be happy to link you if you’re curious.)

His adopted family. I have to admit--as the daughter of a transracial adoptee in a family full of transracial adoptees, this framing makes me very wary. While I know transracial adoption parents likely have only the best intentions, the adopted child themselves often end up hugely disconnected from their birth cultures. It’s often an extremely stressful and traumatic event, especially in cases where the adopted parents don’t learn about their child’s birth culture themselves and/or only teach the child their own cultures (in this case, Japanese and Dutch). Honestly, with all due respect, I have yet to see any fictional narratives that properly address the trauma of transracial adoptions and given everything else going on in your writing, I’m not sure how well you would be able to write about it. More in the next bullet point.

His extremely mixed heritage. While I don’t want to come across as rude, I do have to ask: what’s your intention behind making a single side character with four different cultural backgrounds, especially backgrounds that you the author don’t share? The reality is that, no matter how much research you may do, these four cultures--Ainu, Saami, Japanese, and Dutch--are very rarely found in combination, and I think you’d be hard pressed to find any #ownvoices accounts from similar scenarios that you could hypothetically draw on to write more accurately. As a result, you’d know very little about how these different cultures meld together, and you’d have almost nothing to go on to write about his mixed multicultural background and the tensions that come with it. While I understand you may be attached to his parental setup and his backstory, I would highly advise simplification to avoid straying into territory you neither understand or are qualified to write about. Given your focus on his reconnecting, I would probably recommend keeping his Ainu father alive and cutting his adopted family. That way, you cut the number of unknown cultures in half and you can truly dedicate yourself to writing his Ainu heritage and his reconnecting process well.

With regards to your actual question about Lakota religious ceremonies, as a non-indigenous person I’m definitely not qualified to answer specifics about Lakota coming of age and naming ceremonies. That being said, I know this: Native American ceremonies, rituals, traditions, and lore are often closely guarded and not shared with outsiders. And I don’t just mean outsiders don’t share in the ceremonies themselves--outsiders often can’t even learn about the ceremonies because the knowledge itself is guarded. (This information is secondhand from my Blackfoot professor last year. If I’m wrong or if any indigenous followers have more accurate information, as always I’m open to critiques and suggestions!) As you continue researching this, I’d definitely be mindful of the source; if it comes from an official Lakota or indigenous source, it’s likely okay to share or discuss, but if all you can find about Lakota religious ceremonies is from, like, someone’s blog or Facebook post or something, then that information likely wasn’t approved to share and you shouldn’t write it into your story. Given that this seems to only be a character detail mentioned briefly, you may be able to simply mention the characters’ Lakota names in passing without referencing the ceremony itself.

Sorry for the long response, and I hope at least some of this information helps!

(Also, if you read this post, this is a good example of a really well researched and thought out ISO Sensitivity Reader question. Obviously, I’ve provided what information I can and this individual seems to have done lots of research, but the execution comes down to... well, the actual execution.)

#long post for ts #ISO Sensitivity Reader #writing about race #writing indigenous characters #this is a whole essay question with an essay response whoops #bullet point tw #one of these days I will write about the multigenerational harms of transracial adoption but today is not that day

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echo-bleu · 4 years

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Flowers

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

This is the last part of the Cactus Soulmates series. This part is longer than all of the others, but it feels like an epilogue. I never meant to take this little series this far (still @mansikkaomenabanaani‘s fault) or to make it angsty at all, but I guess that’s just how my mind works!

There is some Maribel in this (in the second scene). I wrote that scene before 2x06 came out, which is a good thing because I don’t think I can write Maria anymore, at least not like this.

[brief mentions of PTSD, mental health issues, medication, alcoholism, war]

Isobel knocked lightly on the open door of the bedroom, where Michael and Alex lay tangled on the bed. Michael immediately looked up and nodded at Alex, who was sound asleep. He untangled himself from Alex silently and gave their intertwined souls a pat, so that they remained by Alex's side, as Michael joined Isobel at the door.

“He hasn't slept this much in a while,” he murmured, closing the door behind him. “I don't want to wake him up.”

Isobel nodded. It had been a couple of days since Alex had freaked out and tried to break the soul bound. They'd gone back to Alex's cabin, once Alex had renounced his project and the most urgent issues had been clear, and he and Michael had spent most of their time sleeping or resting since, exhausted.

“I think we need to stay on Earth for a while,” Isobel said. “Alex needs some time before we make him go back to a foreign planet.”

“But he grew up here,” Michael frowned. “Maybe it's what's triggering him in the first place.”

Isobel bit her lip. “It's possible, but here is also where he has friends, and people like him. He needs help. More than we can give him.”

“Yeah,” Michael sighed. “But he seemed okay on Antar? And our mind-healers−”

“They're good, but they won't understand human psychology. Alex hasn't talked to us much about his past, but you of all people know what the spikes on his soul mean.”

“I know,” Michael chuckled. “I agree. We need to stay here for now. I'll give him as much time as he needs. You don't have to stay, though.”

“I think Max is going to stay,” Isobel said. “Liz doesn't seem ready to leave this place. She's got her father and her sister.”

“What about you?”

“I don't know yet. I think I might explore this planet a little. For the time being, I'll stay around here. Maybe find a place in town that's a bit larger than here.”

“Does it have anything to do with Maria?” Michael asked with a smirk. Isobel raised an eyebrow. “I may have been wrapped up in Alex, but I know my sister.”

“I don't know what you mean,” Isobel coughed.

“Don't worry, I'm just happy for you. She seems like a good person.”

Isobel nodded begrudgingly. “I'm going to start making arrangements. We'll need proper visas if we're going to stay.”

Michael yawned. “I think I'll try to have another nap,” he said.

“This really wore you out,” Isobel observed.

“Yeah. It was...more painful than I could ever imagine. I−” Michael bit his lip, catching her eyes. “I never understood, what it must have been like for you.”

“Our bond was never this strong, so it wasn't...I'm not sure either of you would have survived, if Alex had gone through with it. You, maybe. Alex would have absorbed all the energy and he wouldn't have made it.”

Michael swallowed. “Fuck. I...I still can't believe he wanted to do that.”

“He didn't want to, Michael. He sincerely thought you'd be happier if he wasn't there.”

“Yeah. It's so fucked up. I love him so much, but he can't even see it because he thinks so little of himself.”

Isobel nodded. “Just talk to him about getting help, okay?”

“I will,” Michael said. “I'll do everything in my power to support him.”

“Isobel!” Maria exclaimed, looking up from where she was cleaning the counter. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you finish early tonight,” Isobel said. “Michael and Alex are celebrating their first year anniversary by going out to dinner, but I want them to have the house tonight. I thought maybe we could−” she hesitated, uncharacteristically shy.

“Play?” Maria offered with a smile. Isobel still didn't understand how Maria could make her lose all her haughtiness and reduce her to a puddle of softness. She made her melt. “Of course. Give me a minute to finish here, and we can go over to my place.”

The last six months, since they'd come to Earth, had been trying. More than Isobel imagined it would be. Acclimating to Earth's culture and climate, to say nothing of the humans' general distrust of anything alien, had been hard for the three siblings, but more than that, they'd all had relationships to fight for.

Alex and Michael were finally doing better, but it had taken a while. Alex's embarrassment over his major freak out had led to him meekly agreeing to anything Michael proposed for weeks, and his therapy session brought out the ugliness of his PTSD−Isobel had had time to learn all kind of things about human psychology, and she was almost bored enough to start writing a book about how it might be useful to Antarian mind healers. Alex had had constant nightmares and daily panic attacks for several months, despite heavy medication. Out of desperation, Michael and Isobel had seriously thought about putting him on a ship back to Antar and getting a mind healer to erase his traumatic memories altogether, but Alex had put a stop to that before they could put the plan in motion.

And then just as Alex was starting to get better, Michael had crashed. The weight of his worry for Alex and his difficulties adapting to Earth had been too much for him. His mental health had always been a fragile equilibrium, for as long as Isobel could remember. Their parents' death in the war when they were seven had led Michael to a string of bad foster placements, while Max and Isobel had been adopted fairly quickly, and Michael had never completely recovered from the abuse he'd endured. His soul didn't match Alex's by mistake. Far from Antar and the mind healers he'd seen there, he'd held things together by the skin of his pants for as long as Alex needed him to be strong, and then he'd fallen off the wagon and gone onto a three-night-bender.

Isobel sighed, trying to focus back on the present. Alex and Michael had found a balance of sort after Michael had admitted he wasn't doing well, holding each other up and talking a lot about their issues. They deserved their night out. They deserved some rest and good times. She just hoped the world would be kind enough to give it to them.

Max and Liz has found out that a soul bond, even a strong one, wasn't enough to make a working couple, and it had gone in fits and starts. Thankfully, their souls didn't spend their whole time stuck together and they would separate with a bit of coaxing. After some spectacular arguments and truly disgusting public make-out sessions, they'd figured out that a traditional relationship would simply never suit them. Isobel got to hear far too many details about their arrangements. She regretted ever asking.

Isobel herself was rather tired of being a shoulder to cry on, however much she loved her brothers and her brother in law. Earth was boring as hell, and she was more than ready to go home. Except for one tiny detail.

That detail was named Maria DeLuca. The woman snapped her fingers in front of Isobel's face to bring her out of her thoughts and dragged her inside her apartment. “Isobel, are you alright?”

“Yes, sorry,” Isobel shook her head. “Just thinking.”

“You want something to drink?”

“Do you still have that lemonade drink? I'm not in the mood for alcohol.”

“Sure,” Maria smiled sweetly. She brought two glasses and a pitcher back, and they sat down on the cushioned floor in her little meditation room.

Isobel focused for a moment, floating her soul between them. She marveled, not for the first time, at how good it looked. The charred part was only a spot now, rather than a gaping hole. The rest was growing and flourishing like a budding flower. It was completely different from what it had been, even before Noah−and it was beautiful.

Maria's own beautiful soul approached hers. Isobel felt the sudden warmth as their souls touched lightly, brushing and exploring each other. Then Maria added her hands into the mix, stroking Isobel's soul like she would a cat, and she smiled. Isobel smiled back.

Their relationship had been anything but easy. Isobel was not an easy woman to approach, for one. Despite the thread of understanding she and Maria had shared the night they first met, through all of that drama, they were as different as two women could be. They butted head over the silliest things all the time−and okay, maybe it was part of the charm.

But then, Maria had had to make the decision to bring her mother to an assisted living facility, and Isobel had been the one who was there. Alex and Liz had tried, but they were both also going through difficult times, and their support wasn't the help Maria needed. So Isobel had gone with her to visit the facility, had helped her fill out the paperwork and had hugged her when it got too hard.

That day, Maria had touched her soul for the first time.

Isobel had freaked out completely. She'd run out, and found herself a sobbing and whimpering mess in Alex's arms. She didn't know exactly why she'd run to him, but he'd been the one who understood. He'd soothed her and then slowly, step by step, brought her back to Maria. Maria who could see Isobel's soul and wasn't horrified.

Maria who could touch Isobel's soul and still want to talk to her.

Their souls didn't smooch or velcro together. Not yet. They caressed each other like children who would stroke their cheeks together. They shaped themselves around each other. They bloomed together. Maria had carefully, patiently, watered Isobel's soul until it was almost healed, and her own broad, flowery soul now had a space, between petals, where Isobel's could nestle.

Focused on the soul, Isobel felt the kiss on her lips before she saw Maria lean over.

“Isobel,” Alex greeted her. He turned and opened his arms to hug her.

Isobel returned the hug with a sigh of pleasure. Such spontaneous gestures from Alex were new and rare and she treasured each of them.

“Something changed,” he noticed as he let her go. “You're...happy.”

Isobel caught her soul in her hand and held it up to him for inspection, giddy with excitement. “Look.”

Alex tilted his head. “It's healed. Wow, that's amazing, Isobel! You're amazing. I'm happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Isobel smiled. It was funny, how in the course of the last year, Alex's opinion had started to mean more to her than even her brothers'. They'd truly become best friends in every way.

“Thank you,” Alex said, dragging her in to sit down on the couch with him. “I've never really thanked you for approaching me that day at the hospital.”

Isobel tucks her leg under her and turns to be able to really look at him. “For a while there, I almost regretted upending your life like that.”

“Don't. Don't ever regret it. The bad stuff was always going to come out someday, and I'm incredibly grateful that I had you and Michael when that happened. I'm just sorry I made you both suffer.”

Isobel took a second to appreciate the progress there, because even three months ago Alex would have said something along the line of “I don't deserve you” and “You would have been better off without me”. “We love you, Alex. This suffering is part of life, and honestly we've put you though the wringer too. But you're worth every second of it.”

Alex choked on his breath a little and hugged her again, tightly.

“Where's Michael?” Isobel asked after they'd sitting in a comfortable silence for a while.

“He went for a walk. Should be back any minute.” Alex made a move with his hand to check on his soul's location. Their velcroed souls usually hanged somewhere between them when they moved away from each other, invisible to most people on this planet and intangible unless you knew what you were looking for. “Yes, he's just out the door.”

On cue, Michael walked in, his sun-kissed face lighting up at the sight of them. “Can I join in on the hug?” he asked with a wide smile.

Alex pressed himself closer to Isobel to make space for him on his other side. Michael wrapped his arms around both of them.

“What has you two so happy?” Isobel asked. Her own joy over her healed soul was still there, but she could feel their happiness bleed out into her mindspace.

“Nothing special,” Alex said. ��We've been talking about the future.”

“Thinking about traveling,” Michael added. “Maybe different places on Earth first, and then spend some time back on Antar. I don't really have any anchor there since you and Max are here, but Alex has barely seen any of it in the six months we were there.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Isobel smiled. She was relieved that they weren't thinking about moving back to Antar completely, as it would put her in front of a tough choice.

“We wouldn't be gone long, just a few weeks at a time. We can both work remotely, but we could also use an actual vacation.”

“I'll miss you, but you do,” Isobel said. “Do you want me to plan a trip around the world for you? I could do that.” She laughed and feigned offense at the twin horrified expression on Michael and Alex's faces. “I'm joking. This is your vacation, you get to go wherever you want.”

“Oof,” Michael breathed.

“I'm sure you'd plan something beautiful,” Alex said. “But I'm the one who's from here, and I have a few ideas already.”

“Awesome,” Isobel smiled, rising from the couch. “Start planning, I'll go make us some lunch.”

She expected Alex to go get his laptop immediately, but he sat back instead, and she heard him pull Michael into a kiss as soon as she turned her back on them. From the corner of her eyes, she watched them through the open door of the kitchen, cuddling together. She smiled even wider when she noticed something.

The twin cactus souls, squished between their bodies, were growing tiny flowers between their spikes.

#roswell new mexico #malex #malex fic #alex manes #michael guerin #isobel evans #cactuses #mine #echo's fanfiction

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theloyaltyofthewolves · 4 years

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My mum just looked my dead in the eye and told me I was a disappointment. She's disappointed that I didn't go down the doctor career path. She's trying to apologize but now I cant get it out of my mind

yeah. that’s a really hard one, love. being shamed by a parent, told point-blank that you’re not good enough, is a really shitty, traumatizing moment. i am so sorry you had to endure that, and i wish i could give you a big ol hug.

this is a failure in your mother, not in you. children do not get to choose their parents, they do not get to decide to be born. it’s not for your mother to decide that she wants you and then later down the line, decide you’re a disappointment. that’s not fair. you are your own person, she cannot mold you into the image she wants. that’s a bad parent. she needs to accept that you will make your own choices and decisions and that they are enough because they are what you want to do. i’m going to reiterate it again: it’s not your fault. this is something your mother needs to address within herself because it’s unacceptable to take an insecurity or a lacking that she sees in herself out on you. she should never have thought, and certainly never have said, that she’s disappointed. unfortunately, she has. so now what?

you have the option to forgive her and move on, or to let the hurt give you the energy to untie yourself from her. i don’t know how viable as an option this is to you, if you’re still living at home, if you want a relationship with her. i imagine you probably do, and cutting a family member off completely is incredibly difficult and exhausting and not necessarily worth it. but i’m also not telling you to forgive her. this is something that will probably continue to be an issue, unless she makes active efforts to work on herself and better herself. that is not your responsibility. she is not owed your respect the way you are owed hers. you do not have to forgive her and you certainly should not steer from your path to fit hers. her apology is a first step, but it does not mean she has changed her mindset. if you are brave enough, you can have that conversation starting with, “mom, i love you and i want you in my life, but you need to understand that i’m not going to be a doctor. you need to come to terms with that, and you need to be okay with it. my happiness should come first, and if it can’t, we’re going to have issues.” but that’s a really difficult conversation, and it’s also one that you do not have to facilitate. you are under no obligation to reason with her.

what you should be doing for yourself right now is making sure that you do not have to rely on her or her expectations in the case that she decides to rip that rug out from beneath you. you need people in your life who support you for your decisions and your choices. who will accept you whether or not you decide to be a doctor. your happiness and comfort and safety need to be a priority for you (as they should be a priority for her!) i’m not telling you to cut ties with her, but speaking as someone who left my family behind me when i went to university, having a support network of people who loved me was crucial to my mental and physical wellbeing. create your own space. build something that is yours, that you will always have to fall back on even if she tries to bring the house down around you. you deserve to be loved and appreciated exactly as you are, and if your parents can’t do that for you, then they don’t deserve a close relationship with you.

#i'm really sorry you had to go through this love #i adore you and i am here for you #i hope that your relationship improves and that she is self-aware #but if not #know that you are strong enough to exist without her #love love love #kisses from belle #replies

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islands-of-gay-deactivated · 3 years

Text

It’s A Start

In this plot, Brooke starts talking to her father again and they make up or something like that. This story will also tap into another head canon I have for Brooke that has not been talked about, so that will be explained later, most likely in a separate post.

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She stared blankly at the piece of mail in her hands. She had no idea what the contents were, nor what was inscribed on the front. All she knew was that the letter was from her father. The man she had, up until recently, not spoken to for 48 years. She sighed and sliced it open, grabbing what appeared to be a letter from within the envelope. Written on the piece of paper was one sentence, which read ‘Meet me at the docks, 17:00, Nov. 14th’. One simple sentence that could change the last 48 years, for better or for worse. She raised an eyebrow at the message, unsure as to what he could possibly want. Most times when he needed something, he would go through one of her coworkers or siblings to get the info across. So for him to up and have a letter delivered to her house, which he did not have the address to, was rather suspicious. She looked at the time, ‘16:10’. She groaned at the sight of the clock. If she wanted to get there on time, she would have to leave at that moment, so that’s what she did. She threw on her coat and set off to meet her father at the docks, a place the two of them hadn’t been together in years.

Once arriving at the docks, she started to look around for her sperm donor, as she had been calling him around her sister. Brooke had no idea where she would find the man, but as she was looking around, she smacked into someone who was walking. She stumbled backwards, apologizing, not really looking up until a familiar voice spoke up.

“Long time no see, Brooklyn.” Her father said, voice mostly void of emotion. She frowned and stepped backwards.

“Likewise.” She said shortly. She was not looking forward to any conversation she would have with him. Mainly because the last time they actually spoke face to face, they had a blow up argument. They stood there in awkward silence before her father cleared his throat.

“Shall we walk?” He asked, sounding almost hopeful. All she did was nod as the two started walking.

They walked along the docks, past the cargo ships and farther into the archipelago, leaving Beckholmen and wandering into a park on Djurgården. It was a rather serene location, as the birds were chirping, the wind was blowing softly through the trees and the water birds were resting on a nearby pond. They stopped at the first bench that overlooked the pond, sitting down...on opposite sides of the bench. They sat in silence watching the world go by before her father spoke up once more.

“I’m sorry.”

Brooke stared blankly at her father, as she couldn’t believe what she just heard.

“What?” She asked, wanting clarification on what he said. He sighed and looked over at her.

“I said, I am sorry.” He reiterated. It looked like he was about to say more, but he held off as some joggers ran by. Brooke took the moment to speak instead.

“So, you are apologizing for what? Being an absent father? Leaving me alone with a psychopath? Choosing your boyfriend's affair baby over your actual blood? Allowing Elain to make me a weapon of war against my will?” She stated, scoffing.

“Brooklyn, I-”

“Nej, I am not done yet. To be honest, I am not sure why you are even bothering to apologize. It’s been 48 years. You chose your side by ignoring everything that Aaron had done to me. You chose your side long ago, when you would leave me with Lukas for long periods of time, or when you would let that devil woman whip Kalle and I for ‘not being good enough’, or my personal favorite, when you vanished for a year after the bloodbath. You left me all alone when I needed you most. You left me to Kalmar’s torture and went god knows where with Tino. Only damn issue is you forgot your children, ya know, the small humans you decided to raise? Although you didn’t raise us much. You left most of that to Lukas, who for as long as I’ve been around you all, has been more of a father then you have. He was there after the bloodbath to make sure I didn’t die after what Kalmar did to me. He was there when I would get hurt, or when I would need help. But where were you? No one knew. Not even Tino knew where you would run off to.”

“Fuck, you weren’t even around after we left the union. I would probably be more understanding if you even tried to make an effort after we left, but nope! You just pawned us off onto Elain who was almost as unavailable as you were.” She spat, trying her damned hardest to keep her composure, although it probably wouldn’t last much longer. “I tried...so hard, to get your approval, when it didn’t even matter. Why would it matter if you were never around? You weren’t around then, so why would you be around even if I was the perfect daughter. You never showed up to meetings, I had to jump through hoops just to get information from you and to make things worse, you married me off to the first man who showed any interest in me! It’s almost like you have purposefully avoided me since I was born.” She sighed. “So why, why now, almost 50 years later, have you decided to make up?”

“Because I regret the choice that I made. I realize that this most likely will not change anything, but I thought you should know. I regret choosing Aaron over you. I regret not listening to you when you tried to tell me about what he did. I should have listened, but I chose to ignore it for my own selfish wants. I regret not being around when you were growing up. It wasn’t right of me to force you onto Lukas nor was it right for me to just vanish like I had been doing. I will admit, I struggled after you were born. I was left alone with you after your mother ran off, with no support system as my family was back west and a job to try and keep up. Then there was the instance when I almost lost you, and I just couldn’t look at you after that. Every time I tried, I only saw your pale, cold face. It was traumatic to say the least, because at that time I had no idea if you were immortal or not. I know it’s not an excuse as to why I wasn’t around, but it played a part in it. I suppose I distanced myself from you in a subconscious attempt from getting close to you, for fear of losing you. I thought if I wasn’t around enough, and you did turn out to be more human, that I wouldn’t be as distraught if something happened. Unfortunately, that backfired on my part as my lack of being around seemed to push you into the danger I was trying to protect you from. I regret ever leaving you alone with Elain. I should have seen it early on that she saw you two as nothing more than tools for her conquests, but I was blind with power. I didn’t see what she was doing to you, the hurt she was causing and the harmful mentality she was instilling. I let Versailles marry you because I thought he could give you a better life. One better than what you would be able to achieve in our region. He promised me that you would be taken care of, and that no harm would come to you. However, knowing you, my hopes on that matter were not too high.”

“My deepest regret though, was leaving you with Kalmar. You’re right, I should have taken you and Kalle when I left, but you were in no traveling shape and Kalle wouldn’t leave your side. I was faced with a difficult decision, leave you and Kalle behind and go back to organize the revolution, or stay back and endure more years of suffering. I would have taken you, I truly would have, but after the bloodbath, you were in no shape to ride horseback for god knows how long. Your wounds were too deep and the motion of the horse would have caused the stitches to open up. That wasn’t something I was going to risk. And while it wasn’t the best choice in the long run, it was the best choice at the moment, as it let you heal up.” He said, sighing. “I never should have left you alone. Not with Lukas, not with Elain, most definitely not with Kalmar. I don’t expect this to fix our relationship, I don’t even expect you to accept it, but I would rather try late than never,”

Brooke shook her head and leaned back against the bench, looking up so he wouldn’t be able to see her cry.

“Well, you’re damn right about it not automatically fixing something, but I know it takes a lot for a man as prideful as you to admit when you’re wrong. You’ve got a long way to go in making it up to me, but….it’s a start.”

#hetalia #oc bio

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