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youare-mysonshine · 3 years

Text

heavy || bucky barnes

Summary: reader’s mental health has been taking a decline and bucky is there.

Requested: No

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: talks of mental health, depression, anxiety, angst, cussing.

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: Hey guys, I’m back I guess lmao. I’ve really been struggling with my mental health lately and I guess I kinda just wanted to put it into words, something productive? And I’ve been feeling our angsty emo boy bucky barnes. Most of you might’ve followed me for my Oscar fics but I kinda wanna branch out and I thought this would be a good time to do so. Anyways, I know that some of you have inboxed me or messaged me and I haven’t responded and I’m sorry. But I just want you all to know that if you’re struggling, I’m always here to talk. About anything, always. So, I hope you enjoy this. I might’ve cried while writing this lmao and I also might’ve ended it on such an awkward place but, i’m still getting used to writing again. (Flashbacks are in italics)

————

Bucky didn’t miss the dark circles under your eyes. He didn’t miss the way you sort of slouched as you approached him. He didn’t miss the way that your smile didn’t really meet your eyes.

“Hey,” You said in a breathless voice. “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up.” You said as you took a seat across from him in the booth. Held up. It was better than telling him that you were thinking of just not showing up at all. In the end, you knew that you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t just blow off your new friend who you had so enjoyed spending time with. So, in a rush, you got dressed and made your way to the small, quiet diner that you two had taken to frequenting together. Bucky Barnes was an enigma if you’d ever met one. The way that you had met was rather.. cliche and something straight from a story.

You had been trying to lay off of the caffeine for a while, realizing that you had nearly gone through an entire packet of 32 k-pods that you had just purchased. You realized that you might’ve had a problem. You had been going pretty strong with staying away from caffeine for the time being, until you passed by a coffee shop and got a whiff of coffee. You just couldn’t help yourself; you bought a cup of coffee. It was when you were walking down the street, holding the cup of coffee in one hand, looking down, that you didn’t see someone walking right in your path. You had collided into what seemed like a solid wall and the impact had caused you to squeeze the cup of coffee in surprise, the warm liquid burning your hand, staining your clothes and the other person. You had realized it was another person you had crashed into when you heard them let out a low cuss.

Bucky’s grumpy self had been fully prepared to tell you off for crashing into him, having just left his therapist’s office, but when you looked up at him with those bright eyes of yours, a million apologies spilling from your lips a mile a minute, he swallowed whatever harsh words had nearly sprung forth. He had apologized as well; both of you had been at fault. Bucky had been going over his session with Dr. Raynor that morning, completely lost in his own mind, and you had your eyes trained on the ground, something that was a bad habit of yours. The shock of realizing you had bumped into a man, a really really handsome man with the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen, had made you temporarily forget that you had practically scorched your hand with the coffee, and that you had gotten it on him as well.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You said once again, quickly averting your eyes from the handsome stranger’s face. Instead you focused on the smushed cup in your hand and the stains on his leather jacket. It just made you feel even terrible. “I, I can pay for you to get your jacket cleaned, if you want. Really. I wasn’t paying attention and I just, for whatever reason, squished my cup and.. I’m sorry.” You said, kind of breathlessly.

“It’s.. it’s alright.” His voice was like the coffee that you had been drinking. Smooth and rich. It was deep, something that reverberated deep in your chest and had your stomach fluttering with butterflies. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Really, it’s fine. And don’t worry about my jacket. No harm, no foul.” He said. “You should, uh, you should take care of that hand. Hope you didn’t burn yourself too bad.” He gestured to your hand, still clutching the cup, with one of his own gloved hands.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. It wasn’t that hot. Thank you, though. And again, I’m really, really sorry.” Sparing one, seemingly, last glance at the handsome stranger, you side stepped him and began to walk away, tossing the empty cup of coffee in a trash can on the sidewalk. But you didn’t get very far because that deep voice called out to you, halting you in your tracks.

“Can I buy you another cup of coffee?” Bucky’s mouth had opened and spoken the words long before his brain could even catch up. He didn’t know why he had asked you that, but something in his gut was just telling him too.

“What?” A look of total bewilderment had crossed your face and he had seen it.

“I just, well I thought that, since I bumped into you, I could make it up to you by buying you a new cup of coffee. If you wanted, I mean. You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” Bucky clarified, hand stuffed in his pocket, waiting for your answer. For a few seconds, you simply stood there, unsure of what to say because surely this wasn’t happening? The last time that you had gone out with a guy was.. well, shit, you didn’t even remember the last time. The little voice in the back of your head, that anxious, paranoid little voice, was telling you not to go off with a stranger. You’d watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds and other true crime shows and documentaries to know that situations like this never turned out well. However, you didn’t get a bad feeling from this particular man. He seemed just as awkward and slightly frazzled as you felt. So you agreed.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Y/N.”

That had happened about two months ago. Ever since then, you and Bucky had formed a strong friendship. Your first time getting coffee with him had been awkward, as were the next few times that you had seen one another. But things got easier. Becoming friends was easy. You kind of fell into this routine, almost as if you two had known each other your whole lives. That was why Bucky telling you who he really was had been terrifying for him. He carried around guilt and shame and just contempt for everything he’d done. Everything The Winter Soldier represented, and when he told you, he figured that you would think the same. He had asked you meet him at the diner that had now become your spot and and you remember how he nervously wrung his gloved hands together. You remember when you asked him what was wrong and he didn’t verbally respond but he took off his gloves; the right one first and then the left, revealing a shiny black metal hand, golden lines intricately placed.

He told you then. Maybe he didn’t tell you everything but he told you who he was and he had braced himself for you to get up and storm out. Or, to yell at him and tell him how much of a monster he was. But, it never came. Instead, you reached out and placed your hand on top his. Not his real hand, but the metal one. You didn’t say anything. You just gave him that smile that was quickly becoming his favorite. Sometimes, silence spoke a thousand words. To Bucky, you had become kind of a respite for him. Even in the late nights or mornings when he woke up after a nightmare. Or after a particularly hard session with Dr. Raynor. He had closed himself off from other people except you.

Bucky might not have known it, but he gave you the same level of comfort as you gave him. You found yourself craving his presence. Every time you were around him, you couldn’t help but to smile or laugh. In the time that you spent together, your mind was clear and free from all your worries. It all evaporated into thin air. Your mind, usually so active with all sorts of thoughts and worries, could finally rest when you were with Bucky. You could sleep. You could get up in the morning without that stress and anxiety drowning you. It was okay. It was great.

Until it wasn’t.

“No problem, doll.” He said, gloved hands clasped under the table on his lap. “I already ordered. Got your usual. Hope that was alright.” He added, to which you nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Thanks Buck.” You said, mustering up a half hearted smile that didn’t reach your eyes. It was like even smiling drained the energy from you. You were exhausted. Not even just physically but mentally and emotionally. You had been having such good days for a while now, since meeting Bucky. You felt like maybe you would finally be alright but.. this feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that nothing was quite right, it was heavy. It weighed you down. It suffocated you. You wanted to be alone, but you also couldn’t stand to be alone because when you were alone, you were just stuck in your head and being in your head was the absolute worst place to be.

The intrusive thoughts had started. They told you that you would do nothing but weigh Bucky down. That he didn’t need someone like you in his life, someone with clear problems of their own, when he was going to therapy trying to better himself. Even if it had been mandatory for him to go. You wanted to push him away, save him from yourself, but you also couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Bucky noticed the shift in you. Normally when you two met up, whether it was at the diner or anywhere else, you would usually talk his ear off. Not that he minded, he was content to just sit back and listen to you. Sometimes, you’d tell him about a new book that you had started reading. You had just started reading the fifth Harry Potter book and you were trying to get him to read them. You’d tell him about your day. You’d ask him how his day went, how it went with Dr. Raynor, though you never pushed for more information. You always let him share if he was comfortable with it and he appreciated that. Sometimes you teased him for being such an old man.

The food came soon after you had arrived and sure enough, Bucky had ordered your usual. It sent a pang through your heart when you realized that he had memorized your order, down to the extra syrup and whipped cream on the pancakes. Bucky always liked to make fun of you for ordering the same thing when you came to the diner. No matter what time it was, you always ordered the pancakes with extra syrup and extra whip cream, with the strawberries on the side. Secretly, though he found it adorable.

Today, you had barely even taken more than a few bites and that was what really let Bucky know that something wasn’t right. You kept your head down, eyes on the pancakes and you cut them up, bringing a few up to your mouth and chewing slowly, but you mostly just moved them around your plate with the fork in your hand. Bucky himself had barely taken only a few bites of the food he’d ordered for himself, but it wasn’t for lack of appetite, it was because of the growing concern. His bright blue eyes were now a stormy grey, kind of like the clouds that you see during a heavy storm. His brows were furrowed, giving him an appearance almost as if he were angry.

“You alright, Y/N? You’ve barely eaten your food and normally you finish before I do.” He attempted to joke, to bring about that smile that seemed to always fill him with warmth. He half expected you to look up at him with that cheeky little smile, a mischievous look in your eyes and say “You know, I would be offended by that, but I know why you eat so slow, Buck. I completely understand. You don’t want your dentures to fall out.” But it never came.

You don’t know what it was. Bucky asking you if you were alright or if it was simply all the pressure of just.. everything, finally breaking, but you could feel the hot tears in your eyes. They blurred your vision until you couldn’t really see the plate of the pancakes in focus. The dam had finally come apart and you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You set the fork down and buried your face in your hands, your shoulders lightly shaking as you began to cry. All Bucky could do was stare for a few seconds, alarm written all over his face. Alarm and distress because he had no idea what just happened and if he had done something to upset you.

“Woah woah, hey. Sweetheart, hey. What’s wrong?” In seconds, Bucky was out of his side of the booth and scooting in beside you. You felt the comfort of his warmth, you felt his arm tentatively, almost hesitantly, slide around your shoulders and anchor you to him. You shook your head, attempting to calm down, to stop the tears but the more you tried, the more they seemed to come.

“I-I’m sorry, Bucky.. I.. I’m sorry.. I-I’m fine. Really.” You said, sniffling. It was apparent to you both that you were not alright and he really just wanted to get to the bottom of it. Or at least attempt to comfort you. But doing that in the middle of a diner with other people around wasn’t ideal.

“Hey, my apartment is only a short walk away. Come on, let’s get you out of here and somewhere more quiet.” You didn’t protest. You just nodded and slid out of the booth after he did. Bucky took out his wallet and placed a few bills on the table, paying for the uneaten food, and then quickly led you out of the establishment. He kept his hand on you, almost like an anchor. Whether it was to reassure you or himself, he didn’t know and you didn’t mind either. It was probably the only thing that kept you from retreating inside of your mind and giving in to the panic that so desperately wanted out.

You didn’t even realize that you had reached his apartment until he had led you up the stairs and you were standing behind him as he unlocked the door. He allowed you to step in first and then quickly followed behind you, shutting the door as he did so. You didn’t really get the chance to take in his apartment because he had ushered you to sit on his couch while he knelt in front of you.

“Alright, you’re scarin’ me here, doll. What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” The sheer look of concern and slight panic in his face and those pretty eyes of his made the waterworks come back again. You shook your head, your face scrunched up in anguish. Hot bullet tears fell from your eyes and left a wet path in their wake down your cheeks. Bucky wasn’t one to pry; he hated it when people tried to pry into his life and he didn’t do it to you, but he couldn’t stand the sight of seeing you cry. He couldn’t stand the sight of your once bright eyes and cheery smile just.. gone. You eyes were sad and your lips were pulled into a frown. “Talk to me, baby.” He practically pleaded.

“I just.. I don’t.. I don’t know how to explain it, Buck.” You cried. “I-I.. I just feel like..” You let out a frustrated cry when you couldn’t find the right words but Bucky was patient. He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek and wiping away the tears that kept falling. “I don’t feel.. happy. Everyday I wake up and I just, I feel fine for like a few seconds and then everything just comes crashing down on me. I can’t ever stop thinking. I can’t sleep at night. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like this, Bucky. And I feel fucking crazy. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even really like me. I feel.. hopeless, like nothing is ever going to be okay. I might feel okay for a few seconds but then it just goes away.” You explained, though you were sure that you probably sounded like a raving and ranting lunatic. “Before I met you, I liked being alone but I also hated it because when I was alone, I would just overthink and overthink and overthink about every fucking thing. If it wasn’t one thing it was another just giving me such bad anxiety and.. I don’t know what to do anymore, Bucky. I’m just tired of feeling like this. Feeling like nothing is ever going to be okay, like I’m never going to be okay. I just feel.. alone.”

His heart was well and truly broken. In the two months that he’d known you, he hadn’t known how badly you had struggled with your mental health. He hadn’t known the war that you fought within your mind, and how bad it had become. You were such saving grace for Bucky; you saved him from the wars inside of his mind. The constant feeling of guilt that he fought with on a daily basis, and now.. he just wanted to do the same for you. He wanted to shoulder some of the pain that you carried, the pain that seemed to be weighing you down. Both of his hands now cupped your cheeks so delicately, as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him. His blue eyes were shining, looking at you with not pity, but something like.. understanding. If anyone knew what you were feeling, it was Bucky.

“You’re not alone.” His smooth and rich voice was so soft, so gentle that it brought on a new set of tears. “You’re not alone, sweetheart. Not anymore. You know why? Cause you got me.” He said. “I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. To feel stuck in your head. To feel like nothing is ever gonna get better. I felt like that in Wakanda. Sometimes.. sometimes, we need help. And I know I’m not one to be talking considering that I don’t really like talking to my therapist or even going,” That roused the smallest of smiles from you. “I’m here. You know that, right? I’m here. You got me and I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I don’t care if you have a million bad days. I don’t care if you feel like you’re bothering me. I’ll be there every time.” You two have gradually gravitated close to one another until your foreheads were pressed together. Bucky was still knelt in front of you on the couch, his hands still holding your cheeks. Your eyes were closed and you could feel his warm breath fanning your face. The tears had stopped falling but you were still sniffling softly. “You’ve helped me. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve helped me.” He was whispering. There was no one but you two in his apartment but he was still whispering the words meant for only you to hear. “Now, let me help you. Please.”

“Okay. I trust you, Bucky.”

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky fic #james buchanan barnes #sebastian stan #tfatws #mcu #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff

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ticketstomydaydreams · 3 years

Text

5:3666

(All We Have: Part Two)

Part One

Colson x Female Reader

Summary: You and Colson fall into a night time studio routine when he starts keeping you company through your insomnia and you decide to work though some past demons

Word count: 3,200 (ish, I lost count editing)

Feels: Fluff with a dash of past trauma

Warnings: Drug & alcohol consumption, domestic violence, cursing, Colson being so sweet it almost makes your teeth hurt

Companion playlist:

Machine Gun Kelly - 5:3666

Warren Zevon - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

The Vamps - All Night

Halsey - You Should Be Sad

A/N: If you've been affected by anything in this story, please know you're not alone. My inbox is always open and I'm all ears 🖤

______

During the first couple of weeks of moving in, you’d been partying A LOT. The guys wanted to show you just how mad it got, breaking you into their chaotic household, blending the days together. Everyone was hyper and the house was buzzing with energy. You'd been so exhausted from all of it that you'd been all but passing out each night, but you couldn’t lie, it was great fun.

You’d tried to pass on a few nights but Colson would never hear of it, often forcing you out of your room to get involved as the house was filled with people, jam sessions taking place in between drinking games. It was a far cry from your usual homelife, your last housemate mainly kept to themselves so your place was normally pretty chilled. Colson had used your place as a quiet escape over the years, but it seemed you wouldn’t have the same set up extended to you here with this lot.

With the pandemic unfolding, the house had started getting quieter, less people in and out every night and everyone was settling into a lazier way of life. The gang were mooching around the house throughout the day and while the house was still lively at night, it wasn’t quite the party central you’d almost started getting used to. Your normal working routine went out the window as everyone had started working from home mainly and without your daily routine, followed by nights out partying, your insomnia was back with full force.

______

You were lying in your bed, trying to force sleep on yourself but after trying to nod off for a couple of hours, you accepted defeat and got back up. Throwing some sweats on and one of Colson’s huge hoodies (you’d been slowly sneaking them out of his closet, finding that the masses of material drowning your small frame were super comforting), you headed down to the kitchen, turned the stove on and filled the kettle up. You were scrolling through your phone when you heard footsteps on the tiled floor. Colson strolled into the kitchen looking disheveled in a white tank top and boxer shorts, hair ruffled and looking sleepy

“Dude, it’s 3am how come you’re up?”

“Couldn’t sleep, living that oh so fun insomnia life again” you sighed “Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep either and heard someone moving about so thought I’d come down” He replied, climbing onto one of the breakfast stools

“Yeah, I think it’s not having much of a routine. Hate lying in bed staring at the ceiling so just got up. You want a cup?” you offered, pointing to the chamomile tea you were brewing

“Sure, thanks” he says, taking the steaming mug from you

You sit down at the breakfast bar with him and start chatting, scrolling through instagram as you do. After about an hour, as you’re talking about an article you’re reading, you notice Colson doesn’t respond and you look to your right and see he’s fallen asleep, leaning on his hand, his mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey, sleeping beauty” you whisper, rubbing his back with your hand “Go to bed”

He slightly jolts at your touch, opening his eyes “Nah man, I’m keeping you company”

“Some company” you laugh softly “pretty sure you just slept through all my rambling there”

He leans against your shoulder, closing his eyes again “Hey, at least you’re not sitting here alone. That’s something right?”

“That’s true” you smile, leaning your head against his “You’re very appreciated, do you know that”

You gently push him upright and stand up “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’m pretty tired myself, so you’ve definitely helped”

He’s laid his head down on his arm on the counter, his breathing getting heavy immediately so you pull his other hand making him stand up. He stands up and puts his arm around your shoulder as you walk towards the stairs, your legs feeling heavy as you climb each step, carrying some of Colson’s weight as he sleepily walks with you

Once you’re standing outside your bedroom doors, he pulls you in for a hug

“Night kid, don’t be wandering around bored if you can’t sleep yeah? Just come get me. Nothing worse than sitting up alone at night…”

“Will do. Thanks Col” You squeeze him a bit tighter as he kisses the top of your head

“Night” you smile, as he let’s you go and turns and heads into his room, waving his hand up behind him

Undressing and crawling into bed, your eyes feel heavy as your head hits the pillow. Colson was right, insomnia was a much less lonely experience with a friend.

______

Of course, as is always the way after your sleepless nights, you sleep in super late the following day meaning the cycle continues and you find yourself wide awake as the witching hour approaches. Feeling restless in your bedroom, you get up, and decide to head downstairs and out into the studio because you figure you might as well put this time to good use. You settle into a chair with your acoustic guitar and started playing, stopping and starting as you figure out a melody, working your latest lyrics in with it

“I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest. Got no anger, got no malice…”

“I thought I told you to come get me if you couldn’t sleep”

You almost drop your guitar as you hear Colson’s voice behind you, “Jesus, how are you such an enormous human but you still manage to creep up on me all the time?”

“Just a stealthy motherfucker I guess” He laughs, flopping into the chair next to you

“Whatcha working on? That sounded sweet, keep playing…”

Colson knows you sometimes get a bit self-conscious with people watching you sing, so he lights his joint, rests his head on his hand and closes his eyes. You smile as you see what he's doing, thankful he always understands what you're like.

You turn back to your notepad, reading over your lyric outline quickly before repositioning the guitar in your lap and resetting the metronome

___

‘I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice, Just a little bit of regret

No, nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out and then I'll be on my way

No, you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs, and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

Oh, I feel so sorry, I feel so sad

I tried to help you, it just made you mad

And I had no warning about who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down

And then ran so fuckin' far, that you would never ever touch me again

Won't see your alligator tears

'Cause, no, I've had enough of them’

___

“Man, that was beautiful Y/N. I got some chills right there…You just wrote that?”

“Nah, it’s something I dug up from ‘back then’. Been going through some old lyrics and samples while we’ve got all this time on our hands. It’s kinda cathartic to go over some of that stuff now there’s a bit more distance you know”

______

A couple of years ago, you’d been stuck in a really toxic relationship with your ex, Stevie. Your time with him had been a tornado of arguments, drugs and the constant heartache of him cheating on you. Every time you’d get close to having the strength to leave, you’d always cave in and the mess would continue with you losing a bit of yourself each time you stayed. You’d become pretty used to his violent outbursts, he had always been controlling and short tempered, often pushing you and throwing stuff around your apartment. Despite his own frequent infidelity, he flew into a jealous rage with you constantly.

He’d always hated Colson, despite him being one of your best friends, and while he’d play nice to his face you’d always get it in the neck once you were alone about how you and Colson were ‘too close’ and he ‘didn’t trust him’. Before that final night you’d spent with him, things had been pretty good with the two of you for a few weeks, there hadn’t been much drama and so you hadn’t thought too much of inviting him out with you and the gang for a night out clubbing. Your good run had clearly come to an end, when you felt his hand grab your arm tightly and drag you off the dancefloor where you’d been dancing with Colson. You’d been bundled into an uber so quickly, you hadn’t even managed to get your handbag from inside. You saw Colson running out of the club, followed by Rook and Slim who was holding your bag, as the cab pulled away.

Once you were back at the apartment, he flew into a rage. You’d never seen him this bad before, his eyes were dark and when you tried to argue back, calling his jealousy ‘pathetic’ he snapped. He’d grabbed you by the throat and slammed you against the wall, “Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again” he’d spat in your face, before striking you so hard with his fist that the skin across your cheek split open. It was as if his actions had knocked him back to reality, he’d let go of you and you ran to your bedroom, locked the door behind you and started packing a bag. He hammered on the door, begging you to open it and you could hear that he was crying. You looked around for your phone before you remembered you’d left it at the club. Desperate to get away, you opened your laptop and brought up instagram, managing to send Colson a message asking him to send you an uber to his house straight away. You’d thrown your laptop and a few more bits in your bag, the battery dying before you had a chance to wait for a reply, before pulling the bedroom door open and barging past Stevie. He’d tried to grab you, but you’d finally had enough “Never fucking touch me again” you spat, pushing him off you. The hatred in your voice rooted him to the spot and he said nothing as you walked out, the door slamming behind you.

Once you were outside the apartment building, the reality of what had just happened and the situation you were in started to wash over you. You had no phone, no wallet, your laptop was dead. Just as you were starting to seriously panic, an uber pulled up and Colson had leapt out of the backseat. You’d been in total shock and had just let Colson guide you into the cab and then out into his house, up to his room. He didn’t say anything as he led you to his bathroom and lifted you up onto the counter. He grabbed a flannel and soaked it with warm water, rinsing it out before pressing it softly against the cut on your cheek, gently wiping away the blood that had mixed with your mascara laced tears. The tenderness of his actions was almost too much and you started to sob again.

“Hey, hey. Y/N, look at me” he said softly, lifting your chin so you looked at him, his blue eyes misty themselves “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Don’t move, I’ll be back in a sec”

He left the bathroom and returned with a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Putting them on the counter next to you, he crouched down and undid the straps on your heels, slipping them off your feet and then helping you down from the counter. “I’ll leave you to change”

When you came out of the bathroom, Colson was lying in his bed “Come here” he said, holding his arm and beckoning into his side. You crawled under the covers next to him and snuggled into him, his long arms wrapping around you.

“Col…” you said quietly

“Yeah?” he whispered back, stroking your hair off your forehead

“Thank you…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ve always got you Y/N”

______

“I hated that fucking guy. That night...I wanted to kill him after what he’d done to you”

You see him tense up at the memory and you lean over and squeeze his knee “You’re such an amazing friend, do you know that. I don’t know what I would’ve done that night without you”

"You're a fucking warrior Y/N, you'd have handled your shit. I was just happy you trusted me enough to let me be there for you. You deserve so much better than that" he says, covering the hand you'd placed on his knee with his, staring you in the eyes and returning the smile that's crept across your face

"You know there's been a few punches I've wanted to dole out on behalf of you over the years, but you've never let me" you tell him

"Too right I'd never let you. I never want you in the drama, you're too good for getting caught up in that shit" he replies, pointing at you with mock sternness

"Hey" he says, seeing your expression wash over with a tint of sadness "At least the sleepless nights aren't what they were then…

… If we're gonna work through some old demons this lockdown, I'm sure I've got some songs and lyrics that have never seen the light of day" He reaches over the desk and pulls his laptop towards him "You've inspired me… "

"Oh no, are we gonna fuck our heads up with this?" you joke nervously, worrying that Colson's going to delve into something that's going to upset him

"Nah, I got you covered and you got me, right?"

"True dat" you say, as he holds his fist out so you can fistbump, his eyes now focused on his laptop screen

______

You felt kinda bad, having kept Colson up all night with you the last two nights, especially as you'd got him reminiscing about some tough memories, so tonight you tried to sneak past his room when your restlessness got the better of you.

"Nice try kid!" Colson says as he throws his bedroom door open, causing you to yelp in fright. standing there topless with his sweatpants hung low in his hips, he lights the joint hanging from his mouth "I told you we were in this together now"

"I felt bad, making you stay up with me"

"You didn't make me do shit…Wait a sec, let me find a hoodie. If I have any left in here…" he says, giving a pointed look towards the huge blue hoodie you were wrapped in before walking back into his room and rummaging through his drawers

"Oh shush, you have like a hundred…"

"Right come on" he says, pulling a pink hoodie over his head and flipping the hood up over his messy hair "Let's see what we get into tonight…"

______

And so the nights went on like this, the two of you falling into an easygoing studio routine. If there wasn't anything else going on in the house, you'd eat dinner together then head to the studio and work through the night into the small hours, skipping out the pretense of trying to sleep. You were both pretty productive at this time it seemed, both being proclaimed night owls, and keeping busy during these uncertain times was keeping your minds off the unfolding pandemic.

Considering he’d referred to his home studio in the past as the ‘rage cage’ (and it certainly could still be party central when the entire crew got involved), it was actually a place you drifted towards to relax these days. You’d always worked well together in a studio, but over the weeks spending so much time just the two of you, you became more in tune with each other, noticing when one of you had hit a wall and it was time for bed. Sometimes you'd work in comfortable silence, side by side, engrossed in your own seperate tasks. Sometimes barely any work would get done as you put the world to rights talking about anything and everything in a late night impromptu therapy session.

This evening, you'd been sitting cross legged in your chair for hours now, focusing so hard on editing a song which was driving you mad, you hadn't realised your feet had gone numb. As you try to move, your knees crack and pins and needles shoot through your legs. Colson looks up from the screen he'd been engrossed in after hearing you groan and sees you rubbing your feet trying to bring back the feeling to them

‘C’mere’ he said, before turning his chair towards you and leaning down to grab your legs, bringing your feet up onto his lap. He pulls your socks off and begins massaging your feet. You lean your head back, eyes closed and let out a long ‘hmmm’. You don’t see Colson glancing over at you and shifting in his seat as he lets out slow breath before turning back to his screen

“Now this is the kind of work session I could get used to”, you sighed "You being my studio bitch on hand for foot rubs. Although, I imagine this enjoyment goes both ways Mr Foot Lover” you tease, throwing him an exaggerated wink

Colson throws his head back with a hearty chuckle, and light heartedly slaps your calf

"Keep it in your pants Y/N"

You laugh and wiggle your toes, Colson letting out a dramatic, throaty groan in response. "Those are some sexy little toes though" he states, sticking his tongue out.

Still laughing, you put your hand to your chest, and gasp as you feign prudishness and try to pull your feet away. He grabs both your feet in one of his hands, keeping them in place then leans over the desk and pulls your laptop towards you

"Get on with some work you, this is supposed to be keeping you motivated, not distracted"

He scolds affectionately, with a smile on his face

“Okay, okay, spoilsport” you grumble as you pull your computer onto your lap

Half an hour passes, your legs still on Colson’s lap with him still massaging your feet absentmindedly with one hand while he works, and your eyes begin to feel heavy. You don’t realise you’ve fallen asleep, until you’re awoken by a “woah” from Colson as he catches your laptop which is about to fall. Taking it from your lap, he states “Right, time for bed you”

You check your phone and see it’s already 5:36am.

You stand up and stretch then walk over behind Colson, putting your arms around his shoulders, and resting your chin on his head. Looking at his screen, you yawn “You got much left to do?”

He leans back into you, bringing his hand up to rest on your arm, “Making some good progress so just gonna finish a couple of bits”

“Okay dude” you gently kiss the top of his head and squeeze the back of his neck a couple of times as you turn to leave “Try and get some rest, we’ve got a long day of sweet fuck all to do tomorrow” you say through another big yawn

“Heh yeah, Night Kid” he says softly, letting out a yawn himself. Colson turns and watches you head out of the studio and lets out a big sigh. Feeling the back of his neck still tingle from where you’d squeezed it, he’s suddenly aware of how empty the room feels without you in it....

______

Taglist: @triplexdoublex @thisshitisfuckingdifficult @brightblaqkkheaven

Lace Up! ❌❌

#colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #mgk imagine #mgk x reader #mgk fluff #mgk smut #Colson Baker #colson baker smut #Mgk #machine gun kelly #mgk fanfiction #Mgk fic #Colson fic #Colson imagine

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writing-in-april · 3 years

Text

A hair’s breadth

Javier Peña x Female Reader

Summary: Javier and Reader can’t help but be at each others throats. Javier gets fed up with the teasing one night.

A/N: Hey everyone! Here’s my nineteenth fic for my 30 fics in 30 days!!! Sorry this is out late- I had a job interview!! (I got the job! 🥳) This is based off of this and this request! There’s not as much Spanish in this one- though one day soon I want to try to write all the dialogue for Javier in Spanish- (I am trying to learn how to be better at it im just very nervous I’ll get it all wrong 🙃) Please feel free to drop me a message in my inbox here (I promise I don’t bite) Thank you for reading and hope y’all enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Protected Sex (wrap it up especially with Javier lol), Fingering, Hate fucking, Public sex (who’s surprised), Hair pulling, Choking, Mirror sex

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.9k

“Do that again I dare you.” Javier had you pushed up against the wall of his apartment, with his hand around your throat. How you had gotten in this position was as a result of one of your regular fights you often had with him.

This time it had been over something even more petty than the last time. You honestly couldn’t remember exactly what had started it. It had been something to do with some obscure line in the paperwork you were filling out while over at his apartment late at night past embassy hours. What had been a small issue then turned into a full blown argument, snapping and yelling at each other until it reached its peak.

Javier knew that he shouldn’t have said that just by the look on his face while he had a hand around your throat. You had slapped him after a misogynistic comment, which then had him slamming you up against the wall.

“Fuck you!” You yelled, but did not move to get out of his grip. He was about to respond with probably another biting comment when you were both interrupted.

You both looked over to his front door when there was incessant knocking, which was probably only from one person. “Hey Javi! Do you or Y/N want to go out for a drink tonight?” Steve’s voice being shouted through the walls confirmed the source of the knocks. You were glad his door was closed, otherwise this would've been an awkward situation to explain to your coworker.

Javier looked back at you one last time with a hard look on his face; it was a normal occurrence for you to receive that type of look from him. You smiled despite his hand around your throat as you had gotten what you had wanted, you had succeeded in riling him up.

Steve knocked again, this time a little harsher. He didn’t look away this time, eyes narrowing in on you further, like he was trying to decide if he should release you from his clutches. Though, it wasn’t that you were completely helpless, you could force him off of you if you wanted. But, you wanted to see what he would do.

“Are you going to answer him?” You goaded, biting your lip when you finished speaking, eagerly waiting for his response. No verbal comment came from him, instead he released the hold he had on your neck. You slumped a little, not out of pain as his hold hadn’t been that tight, you had just been surprised when he released you so quickly.

“Lo siento…” Was mumbled under Javier’s breath. You wondered if he meant for you to hear it or if he said it only to ease his conscience.

Javier walked over to the door to swing it open with you in tow, luckily already recovered somewhat from his hand around your throat. Steve jumped slightly when Javier opened it forcefully, then smiling when you both responded to his question, albeit gruffly, “Yeah, sure.”

—-

Javier clenched his fist hard while you took a drink, smirking into the glass was the only indication that you knew exactly what you were doing. You had spruced yourself up a bit to go to the bar, slipping on a dress you had just bought recently and putting on a pair of high heels. As soon as you had appeared back downstairs where Steve and Javier had been waiting for you his jaw had clenched hard, just like his fist was doing right now.

You were sat at the edge of the booth you had all congregated in, Javier was right across from me and Steve was by the window absentmindedly drinking a beer. He didn’t notice how you were sat slightly to the side, inching the dress you wore higher just to see Javier’s fist clench more.

“I’m surprised you guys were actually working together without me there.” Steve scratched at his jaw. We both pretended to partially focus back on him for a moment, Javier’s fist dropped much to my disappointment.

You glanced over at him then giving him one of the biggest lies you’ve ever told, “We’ve found a way to- resolve our differences.”

Javier took an angry gulp of whiskey, somehow it was possible that he was now even more pissed off at you then before. He opened his mouth to probably say something backhanded as usual, but Steve steamrolled him unintentionally, “Well- I’m glad, the office is kinda painful to be in when y’all are having one of your arguments.”

“Well hopefully we won’t bother you anymore.” Javier finally got a word in and it was just as snippy as expected.

You then downed the rest of your drink in one gulp, a little tipsy now from the few drinks you’d had so far. A dull thud from you setting the glass down on the table was swallowed by the noises of the other customers and employees around you. You got up, fed up with getting only little responses from him, “I’m going to the bathroom.”

—-

“Javier what are you doing?” You asked incredulously when he entered the women’s restroom, but weren’t given an answer. You didn’t pull away when he pulled you close, dipping his head to suck a hickey on the underside of your jaw. You only keened into his touch, you may have hated him, but it did feel amazing. Your teasing had worked

“I told Steve I was going to the bathroom too.” Giving a quick summary before continuing his assault on your skin, “You drive me absolutely crazy.” He spitefully said into your skin in between sucking and biting your collarbone. You didn’t care enough to respond, he knew you felt the same. In a flash he pulled your dress off of your head, exposing all of you except what was covered by your bra and underwear.

When he then gripped his fingers around the fabric of your panties and ripped them off, you gasped in anger. He then ran his fingers through your folds, stopping at your clit to run small circles into it. You were still angry about the ruined panties on the floor, and the fact that with just a few touches he was proving why everyone fell at his feet after they slept with them. “I liked those!”

“You seem to like this too.” His fingers sped up their movements, alternating between hard and light pressure. Your orgasm was building embarrassingly quickly, you almost wanted to hold it back so Javier didn’t get a big head. It felt too good though, and you didn’t have a lot of time.

You were both a hair’s breadth away from getting caught, Javier’s fingers continued their movements with no thought. Steve was drunk, he might even be asleep right now. But, one wrong move and he’d hear Javier fucking you in the bathroom.

“Javier!” You shouted, not thinking about the volume, when he pulled his fingers away from you just as you were about to fall off the edge. He then brought his wet fingers to his lips, sucking off any evidence of your arousal. It was hard to be mad when he looked so hot doing that, even though your clit was throbbing now.

“Need to fuck you now- this’ll take too long if we wait for you.” You wanted to snap at him again, his comment flippant and somewhat rude. That was until he pulled his cock out of his pants, already hard just for you. Your mind switched gears after that.

“Condom?” He grunted in response to your question, then pulled one out of his wallet. You were about to ask how long it had been in there, but with the rate he fucks, you doubted it had been there for long.

Once he slipped it on he commanded, “Bend over.” You scoffed, about to retort that you’d never bend over for him. But, Javier beat you to the punch, “I won’t ask again, I’ll leave you here naked and dripping.” You shuddered at that, your arousal was too much to ignore. So, you let him have one victory, hopping off the counter to bend over.

You caught sight of your disheveled state in the mirror, your legs buckling a little because of it. You already looked completely ruined by him, and he hadn’t done much besides fingering you. Javier must have caught you staring at yourself, and him if you were being honest, wrapping his hand around your hair to push you closer to the mirror. “¿Que? You like watching yourself? You like getting fucked while Steve and everybody else could hear you?”

You tried to nod your head, but with his firm grip on your hair while he began to sink into you, all you could do was moan. Once you realized that you were most definitely being too loud you stopped yourself making any noise by biting your lip hard. When the front of Javier’s thighs hit the back of yours he leaned forward to whisper angrily in your ear, “Yeah- you do like this.”

His pace was rough, but not sloppy, quick thrusts that had your ass rippling from the force. This was going to be a quick and dirty fuck, Steve would soon come looking for us if we didn’t get our orgasms over and done with. Besides, all you were looking for was a release, being with Javier for more time than was necessary just sounded like a punishment. Despite the pace he was keeping up, he still managed to keep your head right where he wanted it, looking directly in the mirror.

Your orgasm was building up again, even faster than before since you were already sensitive. At one point when your eyes began to roll back as you got closer Javier snapped that you should keep your eyes open.

“Come on, cum.” He growled out once he noticed how close you were, “Cum while Steve is out there- wondering where we went.”

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at that, your orgasm crashing over you. Javier reached his own peak while you were riding out your own, filling the condom, gripping your hair and hip hard as he did.

Once your highs had abated he pulled out of you with a groan, quickly tying off the condom while you were still bent over and recovering with gasped breaths.

“Hey Javier?” You asked right as he began to turn around to go, letting you put your clothes back on and clean up in peace.

“¿Sì?” He turned around to face you again, looking much more put back together than you were with your makeup still smudged. You had the remnants of the panties he had ripped off of you dangling on your finger.

You wrapped your other hand around his belt he put back on, pulling him back closer to you so you were both chest to chest. You then stuffed the scrap of torn fabric into the front pocket of his jeans until they were completely hidden.

“Now you get to sit right next to Steve while they’re in your pocket.” He gulped a little and you gave one last remark before turning back to clean up your makeup, “And, you’ve got to pay for a new pair, I liked those.”

Though he boiled your blood as you walked back to the table where he had joined Steve back at you realized you were only a hairs breadth away from not hating him.

Ask Me Anything

—-

Tag lists (fill out this form to join):

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All Works: @shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @spenxerslut @boxofsparklingmuses @katexrichardson @takeyourleap-of-faith

Javier Peña/Narcos: @pascalesque

#javier peña #javier peña smut #javier peña x reader #narcos #javier peña fanfic #pedro pascal x reader #narcos x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #30 fics in 30 days

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non-binharry · 2 years

Note

hi asia! hope you’re well. absolutely no obligation to answer this but i had a general gender question (about myself) and i don’t have many queer friends to turn to atm. adult genderfluid person here, and i’ve been noticing the way my gender sometimes feels in flux in accordance with what i’m wearing. so like gender identity and gender presentation are obv two different things that can interrelate but like specifically i’ve been trying out more “feminine” things that i always shied away from when i was younger bc some instinctual part of me knew i didn’t love being coded as a feminine binary woman (unfortunately it also manifested as some nlog energy but i digress), including dresses and skirts and i’ve found myself wishing and wishing i could be a man wearing dresses every time i’ve done so and then was always like well i know i’m genderfluid like i still do feel connection to other forms of identity so it’s not that i’m necessarily a trans man. and then i was sorta like wait duh i’m genderfluid maybe i can be a sort of man when i feel like it? but then i worry that that’s invalidating of like other identities that aren’t fluid so idk i guess i’m just here spilling my thoughts bc i’m confused. at other times i’ll be wearing a binder and baggy shorts and be like i am the womanliest woman to ever woman. which i guess now that I’m typing it I’m like okay if i were my friend i would be like dude this is valid but bc it’s me I’m like ~no other ppl’s identities are all valid but i must be faking it for attention (even tho I’m literally closeted) etc etc~ also sometimes i feel way more comfortable just performing “femininity” if i feel like i “look like a boy” (quotes bc this is all socialized) i’ll be more flamboyant in my expressions etc. does this even make sense? and when i “look like a girl” i’ll often manspread and talk in my lower register and i don’t even think that’s like a conscious decision on my part it’s just what feels comfortable. so am i just comfortable like not fitting neatly into presentation categories? is that part of my gender fluidity? are questions I’m asking myself, obv not trying to like put all this on you (even though i am in your inbox, ahh i just find you really really comforting and supportive and affirming as a trans poc!)

anyway sorry for long rant, i’m in a totally okay and like stable spot and no worries if this is like not something you can respond to for whatever reason! i don’t really even know where i’m going with this other than I’m confused and sometimes i might want to be a boy? but usually it’s when I’m presenting as feminine? do i just like fucking w peoples minds?? does that matter is that even a meaningful distinction??

anon, i wish i could apologize a million times over for how long it has taken me to respond to this message, and frankly, it hurts me when you all are like "you don't have to respond" because i worry that my lack of response will make you think that's the option i've chosen lmao i've been so devastatingly busy with work and life lately when i do find a moment of quiet i can't even find a way to articulate anything other than "harr style big tittle" like a caveman

that being said, i love you, and i'm in love with you. i think you're doing exactly what a funky little fluid fella would do and should do and could do and i don't think you should doubt yourself for one minute because fucking with gender is sort of exactly what you're designed to do.

the thing is, your presentation is for yourself, even if no one else gets it. it's an expression of your gender identity, whether that's a fluid man in a dress, or a woman in a binder and baggy clothes, but that's YOU, and that's you expressing yourself how you best can. you're never going to nearly fit into anything, and that's the point. i don't want you to stress over thinking so much whether you're faking it because you're not, you're just experiencing yourself how you're meant to be. and i think that's neat.

i hope you're still around and see the response to this message because i do get the feeling that you are very settled into yourself despite whatever curiosities you may have, but it's always nice to have some reassurance and i'm here to say you're doing great 💗

#anonymous #mensaje mensaje

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solari-writes-things · 3 years

Text

Confide

🛑 WARNINGS: Language, mentions of blood. 🛑

✨ Requested by: @jackjawcaptain

✨ Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader

✨ Summary: Frank is having a bit of a hard time, and you're there to remind him that he can let go.

✨ Solari Says: This has been sitting in my inbox for some time friend, and it's about time that I put it out there. Enjoy! :>

Prompt -

Rose Quartz - Learning to trust again.

gif credit: to the OP.

MORE FRANK | MORE MARVEL | > MASTERLIST < |

He had pulled another disappearing act again.

Not that you could be any form of frustrated with him, Frank Castle always had something to do. Something in his head that he needed to work out--let it be with talking to Curtis or with the barrel of his pistol. You learned that rather quickly after coming into a comfortable relationship with him.

At least, you felt that it was comfortable. Frank had given signs that he was fighting with himself about it. Distant staring, averting eyes. You couldn't count his quiet nature, that's just how he had always been since you've met.

The only reason that you did not twist his arm about it was because Curtis had been the one to inform you that it was not your fault. That Frank had been through a lot of different things before finding you, stuff that made this sort of involvement a little more complicated. His deflection, his disappearances, were only reactionary to the constant battle that was happening in his mind.

So you were idly sitting on the sofa, twiddling your thumbs as you watched the different figures dancing across your screen. You couldn't remember what movie you put on, what exactly that you were doing in the living room rather than going to bed. You stretched out your hand, grasping your cell phone and pulling it up to take a look. You clicked the button on the side, waking up the screen to see what time it had been.

2:48am.

You sigh.

There were no missed calls. You knew that Frank occasionally had burners when he was on his trips, so something inside was hopeful that you would get a call from a mysterious New York area code. But when you saw nothing, your heart dropped a little bit.

You sigh again.

You decide to click off the screen of your phone and stand, coming to the conclusion that the background noise that the movie was creating wasn't helping your brain shut down. You always found it hard to, when Frank left without any warnings. You should've bothered Curtis before it got so late, maybe he'd seen Frank at some point.

You reach for the remote that had been next to your cell phone, pointing the black controller towards the screen and clicking the power button. It abruptly turns back, leaving your living space dark. You stand, but wait for just a moment so that your eyes could adjust to the darkness. Little by little, silhouettes of the surrounding furniture were tangible to you and you begin weaving around to approach the small hallway that led to your bathroom and bedroom.

You run a hand through your hair, and just before you turn the corner to your bedroom you hear a gentle knock on your front door.

You freeze, furrowing your brows and turning slowly towards it.

You approached quickly and quietly, and when you were against the door you peer through the hole to see who it had been.

On the other end, there was a figure in black clothes with his hands in his jacket pockets. They were quiet, shuffling their weight between their feet as they waited for some form of response from you.

When you didn't respond, however, they decided to speak.

"[Y/N]... It's me," they said simply, and the raspy nature of his tones filled you with some form of relief.

Frank.

You quickly unlock the door, pulling it open and meeting your eyes with his. "Frank. Where in the hell were you?"

"I-uh..." he averted his eyes downwards to the ground between his boots. Under the porch light, you could see a hint of discoloration on his black hoodie--something almost brassy.

He had gotten into an altercation.

"You...?" you try. crossing your arms.

"I had some business I had to finish," he answered simply. "I know you're... probably fuckin' pissed. I-I'm sorry for that."

Your expression softens, just a little, not really noticing that you had a tad bit of a frown in the first place. So you step back a couple feet, so that he had adequate room to file inside. "Come on. Let's get you out of that hoodie, I can see the blood when the light shines on it."

Frank nods his head slightly, shuffling his feet so that he could come in. Once he closes the door behind himself and locks it, he begins to pull his arms inside of his jacket to pull it over his head.

You watch him closely, as he drapes the fabric over his forearm gently and turns to you.

"Where did you want this..?" he asked quietly, his eyes flitting around the room as if something was going to jump out and bite him.

"Just go toss it in the hamper with the rest of my clothes," you say to him, moving to the side so that he could move past you to go to your bedroom.

Once you let him pass, you turn on your own heels and follow him. He pushes past the doorframe that led to your room, having no trouble navigating in the dark. You reach over once you get to your doorframe, flicking the light switch up so that your room bathed in light.

You could finally look at his face. There was a couple spots of dried blood on his knuckles, and on his jeans that he donned for the night. Ultimately, he had no scratch on him--which was a miracle considering how accident prone he usually was.

If you could even call it that.

"Where did you end up going, Frank?" you ask him, your voice soft so that he knew you weren't there to lecture him.

"I went to talk to Curt," he answered honestly, as he tossed his hoodie in the white basket hiding in the closet of your room. "Afterwards, we went to have a drink."

"And where does the blood come into play?"

"Someone decided they didn't want to shut their mouth," he sighed, turning around so that he could go sit on the edge of your bed.

"Frank, you don't do this without a reason... What did they say that had you so miffed, huh?"

"Bah, it's nothin', alright? Handled and done," he tried to avoid, waving it off.

As much as you believed the "handled" part of that sentence, something underneath the browns of his eyes led you to think that it was still sitting in his head. Writhing and endlessly taunting.

"Don't give me that shit, Frank," you tell him, moving so that you could sit next to him on the space that was left at the end of your bed. "You have to remember you're in a fuckin' relationship with me, man. I understand it hasn't been a thing for very long but... you also need to understand that I'm here for you. That I'll listen to anything that you feel that you need to talk about.

Whatever happened at that bar, it's eating at you. I know you well enough to tell the signs," you place a gentle arm around his waist, bringing him in a little closer.

He's silent for a moment, putting an arm around your shoulder and closing the gap of space that you both had between your bodies. You say nothing, feeling that he was sorting through his thoughts before he decided to speak once more.

"Did I ever tell you about Maria? My kids?" he asked quietly, staring at the floor of your bedroom.

"No," you answer.

"They were killed. All of them," he said quietly, causing a hole in your gut to begin to manifest. No wonder Curtis told you what he had. Why Frank was as reclusive as he was.

He lost his family. Nothing could ever heal you completely from that.

"Shit, Frank... I'm sorry," you say to him quietly, joining his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah... The douchebag at the bar overheard a something I said to Curtis and decided to open his fuckin' mouth," he informed. "When I told him to keep his mouth shut, he didn't. You can put together what happened."

"I'd kick his shit in too if I was you," you answered. "Although... that makes me wonder."

"Hm?"

"Why aren't you in the slammer?" you ask, as a way to take the topic off of his grief--even if it was just for a moment.

"I beat his ass away from prying eyes," he answered simply with a small shrug, earning a chuckle from you.

You push yourself up just a bit so that you could plant a kiss on his cheek, resting your face in the crook of his neck. "You know, Frank... telling me that shit... I know it must've been a lot for you to muster. Thank you..."

Frank hums a bit, rubbing your bicep with his hand gently. "It's something I have to learn how to do... If there's one thing I remember about being married to Maria, it's that playing cards close to my chest can be hurtful..."

"And you're completely right about that..." you agree, your finger dragging against his waist.

You notice in your peripheral that he was observing you. Focused, with a small smile playing at the edge of his lips. Before you could speak up about it, he drops his arm from around your shoulders.

"I'm tired," he says simply. "I'm gonna settle here tonight... if that's okay with you."

"Of course it is, Frank... I'm just glad to see that you're okay," you respond simply, smiling at him before standing.

You move yourself so that you could flick the light switch once more. You look over your shoulder at Frank, watching as the tension in his body slowly began to dissipate. A smile slowly stretches across your face.

And then you turn the lights out.

Marvel Tag List: @crimsonheart01 General Tag List: @sazafraz :|: @tsumethedrifter :|: @angelaiswriting

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#frank castle #marvels the punisher #the punisher #frank castle x reader #frank castle imagine #solari writes things

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nsfwflint · 3 years

Text

Office Politics: Team Dinner

After two months, I return! Finally finished a new piece and chapter 3 of Office Politics. Sorry that it took so long guys. But hey, I’m sort of on schedule with there being three months between each chapter LOL. Anyway I hope you enjoy and thank you all for being patient and waiting for me. <3

Read on AFF

“Hi there. Welcome to the acting department. I’m Han Bo Reum and I’ll be in charge of your training. I look forward to getting to know you.”

As soon as the words leave them, Bo Reum’s plump lips turn into a welcoming smile. You haven’t even stepped off the elevator and the team leader is greeting you personally. Entranced by everything about her, you can’t stop your eyes from wandering up and down her body. The way her outfit flaunts her curves amazes you. Your eyes slowly devour every inch of her body, stopping to marvel at her sizable chest. Continuing the journey, the next thing you end up staring at is her full lips. Finally, you end up meeting her warm friendly eyes and blush slightly. If Bo Reum feels anything about you admiring her body, she doesn’t show it. She turns around and starts walking towards the bullpen.

“This way. I’ll introduce you to the rest of the team.” Bo Reum says as you trail behind her.

Following her into the office space, you’re pleasantly surprised at the difference in atmosphere. While the idol division had separated cubicles, the acting division has all the desks pushed together without any walls between them. As soon as you see the other team member, you have no idea how you’re going to be able to stop looking at them long enough to get any work done. They see you approaching with Bo Reum and stand to greet you.

“This is the new rookie who is being transferred here temporarily for training,” Bo Reum gestures to you vaguely. “Make sure to get along. I’ve got to join a call with some higher-ups, so I’ll let you introduce yourselves.”

As if something is just now dawning on her, she looks around the office.

“Chae Soo Bin, why are you the only one here right now?” Bo Reum frowns.

“Sun Young and Sung Hee are out of the office today. You said you wanted them to do some sort of client meeting, remember?” Soo Bin replies.

“Oh. Right. I forgot that was today. Well I guess it’s up to you to start training the rookie.”

Bo Reum quickly walks back towards her office, and you watch her pick up her phone as she sits down. Turning back to your new coworker, you attempt to stifle a quiet sigh; desperately trying not to show how overwhelmed you are by her beauty. You shift uncomfortably as Chae Soo Bin looks you up and down, silently evaluating your worth. Suddenly, she gives you a beaming smile so warm it could melt the ice caps. Your face grows hot as you attempt to smile back, although you’re not sure if your face is able to move properly.

“You’ll fit right in here! Glad to meet you!” Soo Bin says cheerily.

“You as well,” You bow politely. “So who else is normally here?”

“Well we normally have Ko Sung Hee here at this desk.”

Soo Bin points towards a desk covered with various notepads and sticky notes, seemingly having a note for everything she does. Looking to the desk next to it, you chuckle at the puppy shaped trash can sitting underneath a much more organized table. A notepad, calendar, and pencil cup surround an open space where you assume a laptop would normally be.

“Who sits there?”

“Ah, that’s Sun Young’s desk. She went by Abel Ryu for a while, but she’s gone back to her birth name since retiring. So now she’s Ryu Sun Young again.”’

“Abel Ryu works here?” You blurt out, noticing the excitement in your voice just a little too late.

“Oh ho. Guess I’ll need to tell her that she has a fan.” Soo Bin teases.

You feel your face growing hot again as she giggles at you.

“This one is yours, so make yourself at home. Let’s get right into things.” She says as she points towards the one empty table.

Giggling as she sits at her desk, you notice that Soo Bin’s desk looks exactly as cheery as you expected it to. Bright pink and yellow papers and folders cover her desk. A small yellow flower sits on the corner. She begins to walk you through some of the basic duties of the department. It’s not too long before she leaves you to your own devices and gets into her own work. Every once in a while you see her look at the flower and smile. As you wonder if it’s from a lover, you quickly look down at your laptop when you see Soo Bin noticing you staring.

Most of the day flies by as you quickly find yourself swamped in work. Finally, you’re able to take a quick rest for your lunch break. As you scoot your seat out and get ready to leave, Bo Reum emerges from her office for the first time since she left you to meet Soo Bin..

“All right guys, don’t forget. In order to properly welcome the rookie, we’ll be having a team dinner at my place tonight. Make sure you all show up. I just texted you the address, rookie.” Bo Reum says before heading back into her office.

Confused by what just happened, you check your phone. Sure enough, there’s a text message with an address sitting in your inbox.

“Is it just me, or is it weird that Team Leader Han wants to have a team dinner at her apartment?” You ask, warily looking up from the text message.

“Not particularly. We all go over to her apartment all the time. Despite being our boss, we’re pretty close friends. Bo Reum loves to host, so she invites us over all the time.” Soo Bin responds absentmindedly as she continues typing up her report.

“I see. Well, I’m going to get lunch. Be back in a bit.” You say, trying to distract yourself from the weirdness of it all.

“Pick me up some Subway on your way back.” Soo Bin calls out as you round the corner to the elevator.

Hours later, you find yourself ringing the doorbell to your new Team Leader’s apartment. Millions of thoughts are racing through your mind. You weren’t sure of the dress code, so you’re dressed in your usual jeans and t-shirt, with a fleece zip-up that remains unzipped. A nervous knot builds in your stomach as you think of all the ways this could go horribly wrong. Thankfully before you manage to get too far down that particular rabbit hole, the apartment door swings open. Han Bo Reum stands there and greets you with a bright smile. You glance down at her oversized tan sweater to see the words “Feel The Wind Ride Me” and wonder if she stole that from her drama set or ordered one herself. Between her sweater being so big and her shorts being too small, it looks like she isn’t wearing any pants. With an anxious gulp, you struggle to force yourself to not stare at her shapely legs.

“Welcome! Hope it wasn’t too hard to find. Come on in!” Bo Reum pulls you inside.

“Nah, it wasn’t bad at all. I don’t live too far away actually,” You reply, looking around inside as you kick off your shoes. “Where is everyone else?”

“Oh really? That’s good to know. And nobody else is here yet. You’re a little early so we’ve got some time to kill.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I tend to be early a lot since I’m nervous about being late.”

“That’s fine. It’s a good habit honestly.”

“What should we do until then?” You ask.

“I have an idea. I hope you’re ready to sweat.” Bo Reum smiles.

After a few hours, beads of sweat drip down your forehead as your breathing grows ragged. You find yourself quickly reaching your limit. A passionate fire burns inside you, knowing that the end is here and yours for the taking. With an intense look in your eyes, you prepare to finish; trying to exert even more of your strength.

“And this, is to go, even further beyond!” You yell before releasing a loud grunt.

“You lose again,” Bo Reum laughs as she dangles a controller off her wrist. “How are you so bad at Wii tennis? And what’s up with the yelling?”

“Cut me some slack, I never played on a Wii. And I don’t know, it just makes it more fun.” You sigh as you slip your hand out of the wrist strap.

Bo Reum giggles some more as you both collapse on the couch. Turning towards her, you end up staring deeply into her eyes. After a few seconds, you realize how dangerous it is and look away.

“So, when is everyone else going to get here? It’s starting to get kind of late.” You say as you nervously clear your throat.

“Oh, they’re not.”

“What do you mean?”

“I told them all I was sick, so nobody is coming.” She says, slowly scooting closer to you.

“Wh-why would you do that?” You swallow anxiously.

“Because, I wanted some time alone with you. We’re not all like Seungyeon and want to constantly fuck in the office.”

Blinking in confusion, you begin to wonder how many people knew about the work hour escapades. You guess you weren’t being as discreet as you thought. Before you open your mouth, Bo Reum slowly takes off her sweater; revealing her giant breasts snuggled tightly into a black bra.

“Besides, I know you want some alone time too. You’ve been staring at these all day.” Bo Reum says, her honey-like voice suddenly dripping with seduction.

“Can you blame me? They’re really, really nice.” You gulp as you feel your pants slowly start to get tighter.

“And they can be all yours if you want them,” Bo Reum gently places her hand on your thigh, slowly inching it closer and closer to your dick. “Do you want them? Do you want me?”

“I really do.” You nod, your cock now fully erect and throbbing in your jeans.

“Good. I’m happy to hear that.”

Bo Reum leans in and pushes her lips against yours. Plump and sweet, it doesn’t take any time before you’re sucking and nibbling on her lips, sneaking your tongue in every once in a while. Muffled moans escape both your mouths as you fall deeper and deeper into the kiss. Turning fully towards her, she quickly presses against your chest. You wrap your arms around her slender body. The sensation of her sizable breasts pushing against you builds your lust for her body even more. Both of your tongues swirl around rapidly and aggressively. More moans begin to fill the room as your tongues continue to massage each other. You don’t know how much time has passed as you continue to savor the taste of her delicious lips. Your cock throbs crazily in your pants as you finally pull away from the intense kiss.

“I want you to fuck me with your tits.” You pant heavily.

Giving you one last quick kiss, Bo Reum slowly slips down onto the floor. Kneeling between your knees, she gives you an alluring smile and reaches behind her back with one hand. She teasingly unclasps her bra, the black straps slowly sliding down her slender arms. Apparently deciding to tease you, she stops taking her bra off and instead pulls down your pants. Determined to torture you, she takes her sweet time pulling down your boxers as well. After a few eternal seconds, she rips down your boxers and your erect cock springs out.

Biting her lip, Bo Reum relishes your facial expressions as she teases you. Finally, the large cupped bra releases from her skin and her heavenly breasts now fully bare for you to see. With a playful smile she tosses the bra across the room. You lick your lips at the sight of her giant tits as she slowly wraps them around your cock. Her stiff nipples beg for you to tease them, but what catches your eye is a small beauty mark near her right nipple.

“I didn’t know you had a beauty mark.” You say, moaning softly as she squeezes her breasts tighter around your shaft.

“The things we could do with what you don’t know about me. But don’t worry, that won’t be for too much longer. By the end of the night, we’ll have learned so much about each other.” Bo Reum says with a seductive wink.

“God, I want to learn everything about you right now.” You groan.

With another smile, Bo Reum starts stroking her breasts up and down your shaft. The soft pressure of being between her tits quickly fills you with pleasure. You drink in the sight before you, a fantasy you’ve played in your head so many times finally come to fruition. The sensation of your dick buried in her heavenly flesh, your tip peeking out of her deep cleavage. Her silken skin clings to your cock as she sandwiches your cock even tighter between her chest. As much as you want to keep your eyes burned onto this scene, the pleasure proves to be too much and you lean your head backwards in ecstasy. A plethora of moans escape your lips as she picks up the pace, furiously jerking you off with her immaculate breasts.

“Fuck. Fuck, you’re so good baby.” You grunt.

“You haven’t seen anything yet hun.” Bo Reum smirks before leaning down.

Without even half a second to wonder what she’s doing, Bo Reum takes your tip into her mouth. Whatever pleasure you felt before is nothing compared to the incredible feeling you’re experiencing as she rapidly swirls her tongue around your tip. You can’t even begin to describe the noises of lust you’re making anymore. Her soft tongue rubs and massages your dick, masterfully flowing against the curves and crevices of your tip. Warm saliva slickens your cock as she continues to stroke you with her breasts.

“God, this is fucking amazing. You’re so fucking incredible.” You groan.

You feel Bo Reum’s lips smile against your shaft. Her big eyes look up at you as she slurps on your tip. Suddenly, she starts to suck your dick with an intensity you’ve never experienced. Her head rapidly bobs up and down on your cock, the warmth of her mouth constricting you. The weight of her breasts against your dick increases as she squeezes them even closer together. As she continues to suck on your dick, her soft tongue circles around your tip. Moans make their way out of you, the pleasure so intense you struggle to keep your eyes open.

Her breasts continue to rapidly rub up and down your shaft, the friction of her soft skin tugging on your dick. Bo Reum continues to alternate between pooling her saliva around your cock and sucking it dry every few minutes. The tightness of her cheeks eagerly constricts your tip as they vibrate every time she sucks. Her soft lips freely glide up and down your cock. It doesn’t take long before the extraordinary pleasure betrays you. Your cock throbs violently and you both know you’re almost there.

“Fuck. I’m going to cum, Bo Reum.”

Bo Reum looks up at you again with an expression that seems to say “let it all out.” The soft valley of her breasts pressures your shaft while her tongue swirls and slurps your tip. Suddenly you reach down, pushing her head onto your cock. Without any conscious control over your own body, you start thrusting upwards. Your tip slams into the back of her throat as the wet chasm of her mouth drowns you in ecstasy. The heavenly weight of her tits against your dick is even more exhilarating, her skin briskly rubbing against you. Her tender lips sliding up and down your cock, quickly driving you to the edge.

After a few more thrusts, your dick throbs inside her mouth again. Your tip swelling with cum, you manage to muster one final slam before reaching your limit. You time your last thrust carefully; pushing as deep into her mouth as you can as a thick blast of semen erupts from your cock. Bo Reum swallows as your cum continues to pour into the back of her throat. The friction of her cheeks swallowing against your tip only heightens your pleasure. As one last rope of semen shoots into her mouth, you finally remove your hands from head. Lifting her head off your cock, she gives you a lustful smile as she swallows the last bit of your load.

“Sorry about being sort of rough. It felt so good that I just couldn’t control myself.” You pant.

“It’s fine, I like it a little rough. Hope that isn’t all you got though.” Bo Reum winks.

As she stands back up and straddles your lap, her pussy rubs against your dick and you realize for the first time tonight that she actually isn’t wearing any shorts.

“Have you not had pants on all night?” You ask, surprised.

“I guess I should call you a gentleman for not looking enough to notice.”

“Well you won’t be calling me a gentleman for long with what I want to do to you.”

“I would hope so. You’re not here for romance after all, you’re here to fuck my brains out and fill me with cum.”

Bo Reum’s brutal honesty arouses you, your cock fully erect again and throbbing against the lips of her pussy. The sensation of your dick twitching against her lips apparently excites her as much as it excites you, as her fluids leak onto your shaft. She slowly grinds against your cock. After a few seconds, Bo Reum licks her lips and sits up, hovering over your erect dick. Without any warning, she mounts you; immediately slamming herself onto your cock. A mixture of loud moans fills the apartment as your tip pushes into her depths. You quickly find yourself wondering what’s with the women at this office, why does nobody ever want to let you take time to adjust to them?

“Holy shit you’re so tight, Bo Reum.” You groan.

“We’re just getting started, big boy.” Bo Reum says with a flirty wink.

Not wasting any time, she starts grinding on your dick. You can’t stop the countless moans from leaving your mouth and Bo Reum sees it as an opening; immediately leaning over and darting her tongue into your mouth. Her tongue gleefully rubs and massages yours as the warmth of her cunt pressures your shaft. Enjoying the sweet taste of her lips against yours again, you start to lose yourself in the experience that is Han Bo Reum. Your hands travel down and squeeze her soft ass roughly. Her flesh ripples against your fingertips as she continues to grind on you. After a few minutes, she places her hands on your chest and pushes; separating from the kiss as a strand of saliva breaks between you. Straightening her back, she starts rapidly bouncing on your cock.

Your brain freezes temporarily, struggling to decide if you want to watch her breasts bounce wildly as you already are or worship them with your hands. Thankfully you don’t have to waste time thinking; because in the split second of hesitation, Bo Reum grabs your hands and pushes them onto her chest. No longer wasting any time, you aggressively knead her breasts in your hands. Worship ends up being the correct word you’d use after all. You quickly find yourself addicted to the sensation of her bountiful breasts in your palms. The soft elasticity of her tits practically melts in your hands, her silken flesh pouring through your fingers with every rough squeeze. As you continue caressing her chest, she grabs your shoulders tightly.

“Yes, squeeze them just like that baby. Love my breasts just like you’ve always wanted.” Bo Reum screams, lustfully squeezing your dick.

It doesn’t take long for you to realize how perfect of a sexual partner Bo Reum is for you. The more you fondle and massage her breasts, the tighter she gets. The heat of her soft walls intensifies as you begin to pinch her nipples as well. Soon, her quiet groans become full screams of pleasure. She bounces aggressively on your dick, her creamy thighs slapping against your own. Her soft ass ripples against you as you start to meet her halfway; thrusting upwards. Into her. You quickly grow drunk on the sensation of her pillowy breasts heaving and jiggling in your palms. Bo Reum slowly slides her hands behind your neck and stares into your eyes.

“Go on, taste them. I know you want to.” She moans

You lean in and quickly attach your lips to her left breast. As you lick and slurp on her nipple, Bo Reum clenches her cunt again. She squeezes your collarbone, digging her nails into you so hard that she draws blood. Powering through the pain, the only thing you focus on is the delicious taste of her tits as you suck on her stiff nipples. The sweet flavor of her nipples flows into your mouth as your tongue thoroughly soaks her breasts with your saliva. Furiously riding you, her velvety pussy clings greedily to your cock. Your tip slams against her depths as she continues to bounce on your dick. Her creamy legs rippling against yours, you take her nipple between your teeth and start lightly nibbling on them.

“Fuck baby. Just like that.” Bo Reum screams.

Your teeth nibble slightly harder onto her nipple as your tongue rubs against the small part it can. Bo Reum’s moans grow increasingly louder. Her hands move up to the back of your head, grabbing your hair as she pushes you into her breast. You quickly move your other hand down to her nipple, pinching it with your fingers as you continue to squeeze her tits. Pulling on her nipples with both your fingers and your teeth,you feel her silky cavern constrict again. Although she’s still riding you with an intense speed, you can feel her pace slowly start to drop. With how sensitive her breasts are, you realize that she must be nearing her own orgasm.

Suddenly feeling aggressive, you go into overdrive with your attack on her breasts. Your fingertips sink into her soft flesh, the sizable weight of her tits heaving in your hands. As you continue to fondle her breasts, your tongue rapidly swirls against her stiff nipple. Pinching the other nipple with your free hand, you harshly suck on her tits; pushing and pulling them as her hot walls consume your cock. With one final slam, Bo Reum’s intense riding comes to a halting stop.

Her body twitches, shuddering violently as you feel an unfamiliar sensation. As Bo Reum’s body continues to tremble, an immense amount of fluids gushes out of her pussy. Sticky juices flood past your cock, drenching your shaft before pouring onto your thighs. Releasing her breasts from your mouth with an audible pop, you look down in shock; completely astonished that Bo Reum just squirted all over you. Your thighs are now soaked with her sticky fluids. Bo Reum gives you a shaky smile as you meet her eyes.

“I didn’t realize you were a squirter.” You admit.

“What, like I should have a neon sign that says “I squirt from breast play” flashing on my forehead?” Bo Reum laughs.

“That’s a fair point.” You blush from your stupid statement.

Wrapping her arms around your neck, she leans in and presses her lips against yours. Your dick throbs in her pussy and you quickly find a new determination in you.

“Well since you just had your orgasm, now it’s my turn.”

Bo Reum squeals in surprise as you stand up with your cock still inside her. You grip the underside of her thighs, your palms pushing against her milky thighs. Having never done this before, you briefly wonder if you should do a different position than you had in mind. But as if reading your mind, Bo Reum quickly locks her legs around your waist and starts grinding on your cock again. Her velvety cunt grips your shaft as she squirms against you. You start thrusting upwards while she clenches her pussy around your dick.

After a few thrusts, it’s clear that you’re not able to get as deep as you’d like. Settling into a shallow squat and thrusting up, Bo Reum’s moans quickly tell you that this is a better position. Driving into her from below, you sink your hands into the silky skin of her delicious thighs. Bo Reum stares into your eyes as you both indulge in your every lust for each other. She presses her body against yours, getting close enough to slip her tongue into your mouth again.

“Don’t stop. I’m begging you, please don’t stop.” She whimpers, her voice muffled from the kiss.

Your tongues sloppily swirl around each other, entwining with your need for each other. Her giant breasts heave and ripple against your chest as you continue to ram into her cunt from below. With every thrust, your cock craves the velvety heat of her pussy more and more. Moans vibrate your tongue as you continue to rub and massage Bo Reum’s tongue with your own. As you aggressively thrust into her, you feel your knees start to strain from this position. You pull away from the kiss, immediately missing the warmth of her tongue inside your mouth and the softness of her lips. Desperately craving the lustful high you’re both acquiring from each other, you quickly change positions.

You lay Bo Reum down so she’s resting on the back of her shoulders while the rest of her body sticks straight in the air with your dick still inside her. Not letting either of you rest, you thrust mercilessly into her cunt; almost piledriving your cock into her. Staring into her eyes, you feel a different kind of satisfaction than earlier. While you loved sucking and playing with Bo Reum’s tits, it was very clear that she was the one in control. But now as you slam into her from above, you’re the one in control of things.

“Oh my god. Fuck me just like this. Don’t stop fucking me like this.” Bo Reum moans at the top of her lungs, her voice bouncing off the walls of her apartment.

Moans escape from both of you, mingling in the air to form an erotic harmony as they join the sounds of your dick slamming against Bo Reum’s pussy. Her tight walls hungrily tug on your cock. The velvety heat clings to your shaft, her depths eagerly accommodating your throbbing dick. Your tip slams into her depths, her pussy completely at your mercy as you piston inside her. With every thrust, her giant tits ripple and bounce wildly.

“Bo Reum. Bo Reum.”

Not able to focus on anything besides the mounting ecstasy from her hot cunt, the only thing you manage to moan is her name over and over. Bo Reum’s lustful screams fill your ears and you briefly wonder if her neighbors can hear anything. Any idle thoughts you have are quickly pushed away as her velvety walls clamp around your dick again. You burn this image to your brain so you’ll never forget it. One of your biggest fantasies is unfolding right in front of you as you stare at her breasts bouncing and heaving in an almost hypnotic rhythm. The sensation of her entire body rippling against yours becomes too overwhelming to bear.

As you begin to approach the end, something about this position is speaking to you on a primal level and you realize why. In this position, you’ll be able to release everything inside of Bo Reum as deep as you can. The realization triggers something in you, a hunger you didn’t know you had. Her ass ripples against your thighs as you aggressively thrust into her. Even more of her heavenly moans flow into your ears. The sight of her amazing figure jiggling and bouncing as you pound away at her cunt is the nail in the coffin.

“I’m going to cum inside you.” You grunt.

There is no asking for permission, or seeing if she was okay with it. It’s a declaration. And the look in her eyes screams that she wants it just as bad as you do.

“Yes.” She moans.

One word is the only response Bo Reum can muster. You ram your dick into her as deep as you can, your thrusts becoming wild and almost violent. Pounding away at her depths, her soft cunt clamps around your shaft; the heat of her walls enveloping your dick. Her receptive womb eagerly awaits the load about to emerge from your tip. With one final slam, a primal grunt leaves your throat as your tip twitches into the deepest parts of her cunt. Your cock erupts and a torrent of cum floods Bo Reum’s pussy. Her body trembles against yours as your semen surges into her. One last spurt shoots out of you as both of your orgasms reach a silent finality. After one of the most intense orgasms of your life, you stay inside her; your cock remaining in her soft embrace as your cum pours down into her depths.

Pulling your dick out of her, you collapse; sitting onto the floor in front of her. Sitting up, Bo Reum looks into your eyes. Her chest rises and falls heavily as she attempts to regain her breathing.

“Are you still okay?” You ask.

Despite the two of you being completely out of breath and panting, Bo Reum nods.

“Good. Because we’re not done yet.”

Bo Reum gives you a smile as the two of you slowly stand up. With no other words said, you both quickly race to her bedroom.

Several hours and multiple orgasms later, the two of you are stretched across opposite sides of Bo Reum’s bed. Her thin white sheets are strewn about and now stained with sweat and cum. You’ve never been more exhausted in your life as you struggle to catch your breath. Bo Reum moves over and lays next to you. She gives you a satisfied smile as she stares into your eyes.

“So. How long have you wanted to fill me like that for?” She asks.

You hesitate for a second before answering.

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.” Bo Reum nods.

“A long time.”

“And was it as good as you thought it would be?”

“Even better.” You chuckle.

“Good. I’m glad you liked it.”

With another smile, Bo Reum leans in and gives you a gentle kiss. Her soft lips against yours are the last thing you remember before you pass out from exhaustion.

Bright sunlight streams through a nearby window as you groggily open your eyes. As you try to get up, a heavy weight pulls on your arm. You look down to see Bo Reum cuddled up next to you, tightly hugging your arm. The two of you still naked from the night before, a smile creeps across your face knowing that it wasn’t just a dream. Glancing over to the clock, you notice the time and panic quietly. While you’re not technically late for work, you wanted to be there early to get work done and give a good impression to the rest of the team members. You gently remove your arm from Bo Reum’s grasp and quickly get dressed. Trying not to wake her, you leave quickly; shutting the apartment door behind you as softly as you can.

After running home for a quick shower and change of clothes, you step into the elevator. Smiling to yourself about the events of last night, you’re thankful nobody else is in the elevator to wonder how weird you are. With a soft ding, the elevator door slides open and you step through the office with a fresh determination to get work done. Despite being earlier than you’re supposed to be, you realize that more people are already in the office than you thought there would be. As you round the corner, you’re surprised to notice that only one person is in the office besides you. Approaching the collection of desks, you quickly realize that it’s one of the team members that was out of the office yesterday. You bow politely as you set your backpack down at your new desk.

“You must be the new guy. I’m Ryu Sun Young.” She says, looking up from her keyboard.

“Ah, You’re Abel Ryu. I mean Ryu Sun Young now, sorry. I’m the rookie, here for temporary training.”

“Good to meet you, rookie. Don’t worry about it, I know it takes some time to get used to it.” She smiles.

“Um, excuse me? Is Team Leader Han in yet?” A voice asks behind you.

Turning to see who it is, you’re greeted by the most beautiful woman you’ve ever laid eyes on. Staring at her incredible figure and gorgeous face, you forget how to breathe for a few seconds.

“Uhhhh.” Is the only sound you’re able to get out of your mouth.

Sun Young tries to hide her laughter and you feel your face go red.

“Sorry, this is the rookie. Team Leader Han isn’t here yet, what do you need?” Sun Young asks.

“Oh, that’s fine. Corporate wants to bring in another transfer. Some sort of liaison between the acting and idol divisions? I’ll just come back and drop off the paper work later.” She says, tilting to her head slightly as if she’s thinking.

Looking at you again, the busty brunette bows and gives you a friendly smile before walking away.

“That was Park Min Young.” You say, turning to Sun Young with your mouth open in surprise.

“Yeah. Sorry to burst your bubble though, it’s not going to happen. She’s been happily married to her husband for like forever now, I don’t remember how many years. Always talking about their ‘infinite love stories.’ Whatever that means. She retired as an actress, but she always talks like she’s playing a role. I don’t quite understand her.” Sun Young shakes her head as she looks back down at her work.

Before you have time to think about that revelation, you hear someone clear their throat behind you.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt, but I’m the new liaison between acting and idol divisions, Im Jin Ah reporting. ” A familiar voice says behind you.

You turn around and forget how to breathe again. Long gorgeous brown hair tumbles down her shoulders and her white button up. Greeting you with a small bow, a beautiful and warm smile graces her lips. Her employee ID lanyard sits atop her chest; her breasts not as large as some of your other coworkers but definitely sizable. A professional black skirt hugs her hips and hides her thighs; but it doesn’t matter. You’ve seen them countless times in music videos. Standing before you is one of your earliest K-pop biases, After School’s Nana.

#finally #k-actress #k-actress smut #han bo reum #office politics #malereader #readerinsert

183 notes · View notes

dontcare77ghj · 4 years

Text

Parker Luck

Natasha x reader x Wanda

Notes; Trigger Warnings. Past rape. Sexual harassment. Skip fucking Westcott. Panic attacks.

You and your brother had a thing called 'Parker Luck.' Parker luck struck whenever and didn't care who got hurt or what it ruined. Parker luck had killed Mary, and Richard Parker, had stolen Uncle Ben, almost killed Peter, and tried to destroy you, your brother, and your Aunt's lives.

But the three of you were strong and so far had beaten the Parker luck. May, ever the optimist, liked to point out that the results of Parker luck weren't all bad.

May had gotten to raise you and Peter, something she said she was incredibly proud of. Peter had joined the Avengers and worked alongside his heroes. And because of Peter, you were able to meet Natasha and Wanda, your partners of three years.

Being with the two was the most natural thing, and the best decision, in your life.

About a year ago, the three of you had made the decision to move in together. You were all together at the Tower, and life was great because you were surrounded by those you loved.

You felt happy about where you were in life. Until Parker luck had to strike again.

"I'm going to pick up our dresses," Natasha told you, picking up her keys.

"You know you two don't have to come to this, right?" You asked, pulling your hair up. "It's just a gala."

"A gala where your work will be displayed. We want to support you." Natasha said, kissing your cheek. "Let us be the proud girlfriends and brag about you to anyone who'll listen."

"You already do that." You pointed out with a smile.

"Well, we're going to keep doing it." Natasha shrugged. "I'll be back in an hour. I'll pick Wanda up on my way." She told you.

"Okay, be careful." You said, standing to kiss the woman. "And give Wanda this from me." You added, kissing her again.

"Will do. Love you, dorogoy." Natasha said, giving you a soft smile.

"Love you too, Natty."

After Natasha left, you moved into your 'office.' It wasn't a traditional office, technically it was an art studio, but it was your space. A space where you could usually forget everything and everyone bothering you.

But not today.

'I miss you, sweet girl.'

The words seem to jump off the screen as your heart stutters. You were suddenly sixteen years old again, and you couldn't breathe.

'You and my little Einstein. The two of you look so beautiful.'

Bile rose in your throat at that one.

'I want to see at least one of you again. Should I see if I can find Peter?'

You were going to be sick. You were so sure you were going to be violently ill.

Skip fucking Westcott. The perverted bastard had seemed to have vanished off the face of the Earth nine years ago. You thought he was out of yours and Peter's lives for good. You'd prayed to anyone who would listen that he was gone for good.

Damn Parker luck.

'Don't you dare go fucking near him.' You typed back.

'What's to say I already haven't?'

You dropped the phone to the ground as you leaned against the wall.

"Miss Parker, you seem to be experiencing some distress. Should I alert someone?" JARVIS asked you.

"No. No, thank you, JARVIS." You breathed heavily, forcing yourself to calm down. "I'm fine, thank you for your concern."

"Of course."

"Is Pete in the building?" You asked. "Is he okay?"

"Peter Parker is currently in the lab with boss, his vital signs are well within the normal range. Would you like me to alert him you're looking for him?"

"No, thank you, JARVIS." You sighed, sliding down the wall.

You didn't know what to do. You couldn't tell Nat or Wanda, and you didn't want to scare Peter if Skip hadn't contacted him.

No-one could know, you decided. No-one could ever be told the shame you felt.

"Agent Romanoff would like me to inform you she and Miss Maximoff will arrive in ten minutes," JARVIS said, drawing you out of your head.

Natasha and Wanda could never know, ever, you reminded yourself. You pulled yourself from the floor, took a deep breath, made yourself look presentable, and forced the memories to the back of your mind.

They didn't need to know.

Skip hadn't stopped. Skip hadn't left you alone. Skip had continued, messaging and calling to the point you barely turned your phone on.

You blocked the first number, thinking you were incredibly smart, but he'd just got a new number.

And he did it every time you blocked him.

You’d been keeping a closer eye on Peter, you’d called May for check-ins every night now. You’d been watching, waiting, for any changes in his behavior, to see if Skip would contact him.

So far it seemed as if he was leaving your brother alone.

"I'm going to get going now, zaika," Wanda announced, entering the kitchen in her yoga attire.

She and Bruce attended a yoga class every Wednesday, and you loved seeing her walk around with her high pony and in her yoga clothes.

"Here, hon." You smiled, handing her two thermoses. "Yours is the yellow one, and I've put green tea in Bruce's."

"Have I said I love you today?" Wanda asked before kissing you.

"Not yet."

"I love you." Wanda grinned cheesily.

"I love you too. Now go, Bruce is waiting for you." You laughed, pushing her towards the elevator.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be back soon. Love you!" She rushed out her sentence as the doors closed.

With Wanda gone and Natasha in the gym with Clint, you let the smile fall off your face.

On the counter behind you, was a bomb. Not a literal one, though right now you would prefer it, a figurative bomb.

On the counter behind you, sat a letter.

A handwritten letter. A handwritten letter, with a small red heart drawn onto the envelope. And you immediately recognized the scrawl that had written your name.

Squaring your shoulders, you picked up the letter opener and moved back to the bomb.

The envelope felt dirty. It felt disgusting in your hands as you cut it open.

Out fell two newspaper clippings and a card.

The clippings were of you, Natasha, and Wanda at the gala. The three of you were smiling in both pictures, and you had their arms wrapped around you.

'Look at how they wrap their arms around you, whore. Would they look at you like that if they knew who you were?'

Was written onto the back in black sharpie.

Ignoring your shaking hands, you picked up the card on the table. It was your business card.

'Check your email.'

Your phone was immediately in your hand, and you rushed to open your inbox. There were several business inquiries, and the sixth email was labeled, 'Whore.'

You swallowed harshly before opening the email and felt your breathing hitch as you saw the attachments.

Photos of you. But they weren't recent, they from nine years ago. Your phone fell to the floor with a clatter, and you rushed to sink.

The contents of your stomach emerged from your lips, the acidic smell causing you to gag again.

It took several minutes before you were finished. Your eyes and throat burned, your stomach hurt, and your head was pounding.

You felt disgusting. You needed to get clean.

You were in the shower for an hour. Your skin was raw, your eyes stung, and you were exhausted. Emotionally and physically.

When Natasha came into the bedroom, you were in half-asleep in the bed. You had forced yourself off the shower floor and crawled onto the mattress.

"You not feeling well, dorogoy?" Natasha asked, laying beside you. You didn't have the energy to respond, so you only grunted. "Go to sleep, dorogoy. Everything will be better when you wake up."

But it wouldn't. It would never be better.

"This was a fantastic idea." You sighed, taking a long drink of the raspberry mimosa. "I'm so glad you talked me into this."

"I'm glad we got Wanda to not come in her pajamas," Natasha smirked.

"I like my pajama pants," Wanda whined, cutting into her waffles. "They're silk."

"We're in public, hon. And those pants leave little to the imagination." You reminded her with a smile. You felt lighter than you had in weeks.

"I'm an Avenger. I save the world, I should get to wear whatever I want." Wanda reasoned.

"Unfortunately, it's illegal to walk around nude," Natasha said, rolling her eyes fondly as you giggled.

Wanda and Natasha both stared at you and smiled brightly at you.

"What?" You asked, raising a hand to your face. "Do I have something on me?"

"No, you're perfect," Wanda assured you, taking your hand.

"We just haven't seen you this relaxed in a while," Natasha said, looking at you and Wanda with a soft look.

"I'm sorry. I've just been so distracted lately." You said, looking down.

"It's nothing to worry about," Wanda promised, raising your chin with a finger. "It's just not a state we want to see you in."

"Maybe you should take a step back from work. Give yourself a week's break, and we could go on a trip." Natasha suggested.

"That sounds really good." You smiled shakily. "I'll be right back. I need to use the restroom." You said, standing from your seat.

Guilt coursed through you as you locked yourself in a bathroom stall. They’d noticed. They’d noticed what a mess you were.

You couldn’t continue being a burden to them. You needed to be better. Happier.

You took several deep breaths before you decided to rejoin your girlfriends. You’d opened the stall and froze at what stood before you.

“Hi, sweet girl.” Skip smirked, leaning against the sink. “Miss me?”

“This is the ladies room. You need to leave.” You stuttered.

“Don’t say that. I just wanted to see my girl.” Skip said, pushing off the sink and moving towards you.

“I’m not your girl.” You told him. “I have never been your girl.”

“We both know that’s not true.” Skip chuckled. “There was a time you were mine.”

“You raped me.” You spat out. “You raped my brother. You ruined our lives.”

“You and Petey used to be so sweet. I don’t know what happened to you.”

“You did.” You stated, shuffling along the wall. You tried to rush for the door only to be stopped by Skip holding it closed.

“What’s your rush, sweetheart?” Skip asked as you backed away into the wall behind you. You gasped as your back hit the tiled wall and Skip’s body suddenly caged you in. “We’re just getting started.”

Your mind went blank as Skip’s hands were on your body. You were suddenly sixteen again and you were too scared to move.

“Hey!”

The door slammed open.

His hands left you.

You slumped to the floor.

You couldn’t breathe.

“Zaika, breathe. You need to breathe for me. You’re okay, zaika.”

“You’re having a panic attack. You have to breathe for us, dorogoy. That man can’t hurt you.”

It took an eternity of coaxing before you were able to focus. To breathe. You were still on the bathroom floor, Skip had disappeared, and now Natasha and Wanda were kneeling before you.

“There you are.” Natasha smiled, holding her hands in front of her.

“Where is he?” You whispered, voice breaking.

“In avengers custody.” Wanda informed you. “The police wanted to take him but he said some things that made it clear he knew you. Steve came and took him.”

“Can we go home?” You asked, looking down.

“Of course.” Natasha said. “Can I touch you?” She asked, and you nodded. Natasha helped you stand and you slumped your head against her shoulder.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Wanda said as the three of you drove home. “But we’re here for you, always.” She added.

You didn’t say anything, simply continued staring blankly out of the backseat window.

“He was our babysitter.” You announced.

It had been three hours since the incident. After returning to the Tower, you had locked yourself in the bathroom. You’d almost boiled yourself alive as you sat on the shower floor sobbing.

You didn’t come out for two hours, despite the water turning to ice long ago. But Natasha and Wanda had been there. They sat on the bed three of you shared, neither made a move or said a word until you crawled onto the bed between them.

None of you had said a word since. You laid there, silently crying, as Natasha and Wanda soothingly ran their fingers through your hair.

“He was our babysitter.” You repeated, fingers tracing the duvet pattern.

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.” Wanda reminded you. “We won’t push you.”

“I have to.” You murmured. “I have to say it out loud.”

“Go as slow as you want.” Natasha said. “We’ll wait.”

“Pete was eight. I was sixteen. I found my girlfriend after she hung herself. I couldn’t sleep for months, so May got me a prescription for sleeping pills. They knocked me on my ass, it was impossible to wake me up.

I wasn’t in a good place to look after Pete. And Skip lived next door. He was twenty-five. I was always asleep when he came over. He was raping Pete in the room next to me for weeks, and I didn’t know.

I started getting better, not sleeping so much, but Skip still came over. It took him a week before he pinned me down. Pete and I were too scared to say anything to May or Ben.” You explained.

“How long did he,” Wanda began slowly. “You?” She asked, unable to say the word.

“Two months.” You whispered. “At least while I was awake. Apparently he did it while I was unconscious too.”

“Why didn’t he go to prison? Did you not report him?” Natasha asked.

“We did. His father paid people off and he was never charged. The whole family moved a day later.” You told them. “He’s been contacting me for a month.” You added after a second.

“What? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t think you’d want me.” You said, beginning to cry again. “I’m filthy. I’m disgusting. I couldn’t stop him, I couldn’t protect Pete. I don’t want me. I should’ve tried harder, done better.” You listed, breathing becoming a struggle again.

“Zaika, you need to breathe. You’re going to send yourself into another panic attack.” Wanda soothed, pulling you closer.

Natasha and Wanda took their time to calm you, and continued whispering soothing words after you had calmed yourself.

“We always want you, dorogoy.” Natasha said, breaking the silence. “We’re never not going to want you.”

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened. No-one blames you. Peter doesn’t blame you. The only person that can be blamed is him.” Wanda added.

“I hate him. I hate him.” You said. “I hate Skip so much.”

“And you’re allowed. You’re allowed to hate him with everything you have.” Natasha told you.

“But you’re not allowed to hate yourself.” Wanda added.

“I’m tired.” You whispered, body sagging into the mattress. “I’m so tired.”

“Go to sleep, zaika.” Wanda murmured, pushing the hair off your face.

“We’ll be here when you wake up. We’ll always be here.” Natasha added, squeezing your hand.

Peter came to you in tears two days later. Crying because of the fantastic news he had just received.

Skip Westcott was going to be behind bars for the rest of his life. He could never hurt either of you again.

You joined Peter in his crying as the two of you embraced each other on your couch. Peter fell asleep there and you left to seek out Wanda and Natasha.

“I love you.” You murmured against their lips as you kissed them with tears streaming down your cheeks. “I love you so fucking much.”

“We love you too. Always.”

Don’t forget Taglist’s and requests are always open.

Taglist

@rvgrsbrns @smilexcaptainx @hopingforbarnes @starlingelliot @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @jelly-fishy-babie @skeletoresinthebasement @agent-barnes40 @reann-loves-sebstan @skadikh @summergeezburr @buckybarton03 @miyaeadys-blog @bindythedemon @natasharomanoffismywife @keenmarvellover @alissaginger

Natasha Romanoff Taglist

@natasha-danvers @5aftermidnight @ohfuckno

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moonlit-mizukage · 4 years

Text

Tsukishima Kei x reader Ache 2

Genre: Angst with a fluffy ending

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: It's been one month since (y/n) left tsuki, she won't answer any one now, but when Yamaguchi sees her unexpectedly, Tsukishima is now given a second chance with his love.

Characters aged up!!

AN: This part was highly requested in my inbox so here is part 2 of my Tsukishima angst! Thank you for all the comments and requests for this part! I was really happy to be making a part 2!

Read part 1 here! | Masterlist

It's been almost one month since the break up between Tsukishima and (y/n). Tsukishima was acting more distant with everyone then he was before. If he wasn’t working he was at home, hugging a stuffed stegosaurus (y/n) had given him on their first year anniversary. Yamaguchi would show up at his apartment to make sure he was eating. Yamaguchi was trying to reach out to (y/n). She responded once telling him she knew he didn’t care about her, then blocked Yamaguchi right after.

Even though (y/n) was putting on an act that she was fine to Yamaguchi, it was the farthest thing from the truth. She sat in her apartment, longingly gazing out her window most nights. She would stare down at the city lights remembering all the evenings she spent out with tsukishima close by where she was. She decided one particularly rainy night that she would head out to get some groceries.

The rain was coming down almost as if it was a waterfall. (y/n) had left her apartment forgetting to grab her umbrella or even a jacket with a hood. She walked up her block to the nearest store entering inside. Not too far from where she was standing, a wide eyed Yamaguchi had spotted her. He was picking up something to take over to Tsukishima’s house for them to eat. (y/n) just grabbed a simple bowl of cold soba already premade in a small cooler. She left as quickly as she came. Yamaguchi was one person behind her in line. She didn’t seem to notice him. She was lost in her own thoughts. He knew she wouldn’t talk to him as anyone who tried she would block them, claiming Tsukishima made himself very clear.

Yamaguchi knew how bad Tsukishima was doing so he couldn’t help himself from walking at a safe distance behind (y/n).He was having a silent battle with himself over if this was just creepy or if he had a good reason. He looked up noticing she was climbing up the stairs to what he assumed was her new apartment. He watched as she walked up to what looked like the fourth floor, third apartment from the end. He stepped under the side protecting himself from the rain as he pulled out his phone sending a quick message to Tsukishima.

Upstairs in the apartment, she dropped her soaking wet coat down on the floor. She approaches her bathroom as she falls to her knees, crying once again. The empty rooms are constant reminders to her of what she once had. She thought she may have seen Yamaguchi out tonight, but she worries that she had just imagined it due to the overbearing loneliness she had felt lately.

At Tsukishima’s apartment, Yamaguchi was now walking in the door to a sad Tsukishima sitting, still holding his dinosaur plush. “Did you get my message?”

Tsukishima reached for his cell phone that was sitting on top of a small oak table in front of him. 36 4th floor 3rd from the end. “What is this supposed to mean Yamaguchi?”

“We are going out, come on.” Tsukishima looked down at his pajama pants. “Don’t fight me on this please.” Tsukishima sighed.

“Can we just take the car so I can stay inside? It’s raining.”

Yamaguchi sighed and picked up the keys. “Let’s go.”

Yamaguchi drove them down to where he was earlier that day. He pulled up into the small grocery store he was already in that day. He left tsukishima in the car as he went in.

“What are these for?” Yamaguchi dropped flowers onto Tsukishima’s lap. Yamaguchi then began driving the short distance in the continuing rain storm. He pulled up in front of (y/n)’s building.

“(y/n) lives here.”

“How did you… when did you.... Where?”

“The place I texted you.” Tsukishima was already out of the car closing the door before Yamaguchi could finish. Tsukishima was running, not being cautious of how slippery it was when he tripped on the last step, scraping his right knee off the wall of the fourth floor knocking him over. He looked down at his ripped pajamas as his knee was freshly wounded, bleeding. The flowers were now damaged as he had landed on them. He regained himself as he rushed towards the door Yamaguchi had messaged. 1...2…3 There. He thought to himself as he hammered on the door. Tsukishima did not realise how hard he was knocking anymore as he just kept going, desperate to see her once again.

On the other side of the door, (y/n) was sitting in her window again sniffling. She assumed it was from the rain making her ill, not aware she had started crying again. She thought about how nice it would be to have tsukishima here to nurse her illness away. Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud hammering on her door. She slowly approached her door as she looked out the peephole. There stood a tall blond figure, touching his ripped open knee. Tsukishima?? She thought she was imagining it as she pulled open her door.

“Kei?”

He looked up to meet her eyes, sleep deprivation clear on her face along with marks from what looked like tears. Her hair was messy and wet, eyes puffy and swollen. She held her arm up covering her mouth as the other held the door tightly.

“Kei, you’re bleeding...” She reached out to him pulling him inside her apartment seating him on a couch.

“(y/n), these are for you.” He hands her the damaged flowers in his hand. She takes them and sets them down on the little table. “I’m going to get something for your knee.” She rushed off to the bathroom.

Tsukishima looked around the apartment, it looked as if someone was moving out rather than living there. She came back rushing to him.

“What happened Kei? Are you okay?” She picked it up to clean his wound.

He groaned out in pain. “I slipped running up the stairs, I didn’t want to wait another minute to see you.”

“Kei...” she said as she looked him in the eyes. Tears could be seen forming at the sides now. He reached over and brushed them away.

“Please just hear me out.” She nodded in agreement. “I’m not good with expressing my emotions… I made a mistake. Well many mistakes. I should have tried to talk to you about how I was feeling. I wasn’t intentionally pushing you away. I did avoid you and I was rude, and I was just-” He took a deep breath. Tears now falling down his face.

“It’s okay Kei, take your time.” She said as she placed her hand on top of his.

“I didn’t want to break up. I was just, distancing myself so I could hide my surprise for you.” He reached into his pajama pants pocket and pulled out a ring. “I was going to propose to you (y/n), on our second year anniversary this month. I just was scared you would say no, and then I just distanced myself and then I skipped dates to avoid telling you. I just acted like a huge prick and I-”

Tsukishima was cut off by (y/n) pulling him into a kiss. Tsukishima at first thought he was imagining it. He moved his hands up into her hair, adding more passion into the kiss. The two only pulled away when they needed air.

“Kei, I am sorry too, for everything. I feel so bad for what I said to you. Loving you isn't a mistake, it's the greatest thing that has happened to me. I missed you so much.”

Tsukishima pulled her into his chest, his heart beating in her ear drum.

“I love you more than anything, I’m so sorry for everything too. This last month has been terrible without you, will you come home with me (y/n)?” She pulled away looking up at him.

“Of course Kei. I missed you more than anything. I know you have troubles expressing your emotions, but let's work on it together.”

“On one condition,” she looked at him with clear confusion on her face. He let her go fully and got down on his non injured knee. “Will you marry me (y/n)?”

“Yes! Kei I love you so much. I can’t believe you had this in your pocket.” She said leaning down, giving him another kiss.

“I love you too, so much, I always have it in my pocket, just in case I saw you again.” She looked at him as she covered her mouth with her hand,

“Kei.”

Oh, and (y/n), thank you for giving me another chance and making me the happiest man I could ever be.” He pulls you into a hug again. They stayed there for a while. “Oh, Yamaguchi is in the car.”

She chuckled, “Let me grab my bag and we can go.”

“Is this your apartment?” he asked.

“No it’s my friends.”

On that note the Tsukishima helped her grab her bag as they headed out, back to their once shared apartment.

Back in the car, Yamaguchi apologised for following (y/n) and not trying to talk with her. She didn’t seem to mind now that she was back in Tsukishima’s arms. Yamaguchi dropped them off as they headed upstairs. The two changed as they climbed into bed together. Tsukishima pulled (y/n) into his chest.

“I missed holding you like this.” He spoke softly into her hair.

“I missed it too Kei.” She said, as she gave him a light kiss on his chest.

Tsukishima’s dinosaur plush was no longer his go to hold as it was still sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

#tsukishima oneshot #tsukishima angst #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu fluff

306 notes · View notes

ohdaim · 3 years

Text

april fool's day oneshot

hi guys, i wrote this today in one sitting, and it's lazily edited:) i'm recovering from an oral surgery and on strong medication, so i hope this makes as much sense as i think it does.

Ship: Ignis Scientia/female reader Summary: You are a Citadel valet working the night shift, frequently attending to Ignis' car. You have no idea how to talk to him. He has no idea how to ask for your number. Words: 1849 idk if this is considered fluff or just mutual pining but with like,, idiots

Stir together bread crumbs, garlic, parsley…

You scanned the rest of the newest recipe on your favorite cooking blog, Feeding The Fussy. As always, it looked delicious. As always, you rated it five stars and typed out a comment.

I followed the recipe exactly, but I left out the bread crumbs and cheese. I used shrimp and bacon grease instead. Terrible recipe. Won’t make again.

Putting your phone away, you came to attention when someone stepped out of a Citadel elevator across the lobby. You worked night shift as a palace valet and hardly saw anyone but for a few regular night owls. One of them approached now, and gods, you were nervous all of a sudden.

Ignis was your favorite regular. He was polite, tipped well, and made small talk so you wouldn't have to. You didn’t know what he did in the Citadel or why he so often left at four in the morning. You just knew you had a big crush on him and, for that reason, could never carry a full conversation without getting sweaty palms.

“Good morning.” He greeted you first. “Quiet night?”

You nodded, entering the info you needed to check his vehicle out of the system. You wanted to say something, anything. Nerves got the best of you, and you excused yourself into the back room to get his car keys. On your way out, you held them up. “I’ll have your car here momentarily.”

Ignis didn’t respond. He wasn’t even looking at you. His attention was on his phone, a corner of his mouth curled upward.

You paused, taking in the smirk with shy curiosity. That was a new look. What was he smirking at? When he seemed to remember himself, he schooled the look and met your eyes. Startling, you repeated yourself quietly and went through the doors leading to the parking garage.

Ignis’ car consistently smelled like coffee wrapped in leather. Your phone vibrated in your pocket as you buckled in. Because you wanted to linger in the nice scent--was this extremely weird? Yes, of course--you checked to see what the buzzing was about.

An email. You’d gotten a reply from the Feeding The Fussy chef. They’d liked your comments in the past but hadn’t addressed your obvious jokes. You stared at the subject line for a beat, then opened the message.

Thank you for the review. Almost as insightful as last week’s eight hundred word description of your current diet and how my recipes conflict. Do you have any suggestions on how to improve this one?

Your nervousness grew so heavy, it burst in bright red over your face, a flame in your chest. The chef was talking to you. You’d chalked it up to luck that they understood your sense of humor and the intent of your comments. Never had you thought they’d give more than a like. You typed a response before getting back to work.

Pro tip: Using a microwave is faster than the oven. Also, I’ve begun a new diet (details to follow), so is there any way to make this recipe without the ingredients?

Ignis’ car was fancy but less so than most others in the garage. You always felt a pinch of regret when pulling it up to the lobby entrance. Driving a car like his just to see how fast it could go, it wasn’t something you’d ever get to do. You didn’t own one yourself, and truthfully, you'd only gotten a driving license to be qualified for this job. Getting out, you waved at Ignis and extended an arm toward the open driver’s seat.

Tip passing from his hand to your own, you bowed and tucked the money into a pocket. He thanked you, getting into his car. You waited for him to drive away, likely the last person you’d see this shift.

“Ah, pardon me,” Ignis startled you by climbing back out, the car door hanging open. He held something out to you. “I believe you dropped this.”

You looked at your phone in his hand, your eyes wide, nervousness becoming embarrassment. Quickly grabbing it, you bowed again. “Sorry.”

Ignis chuckled. “It’s quite alright. Good thing I noticed when I did.”

Nodding emphatically, you wished he’d just go before you humiliated yourself further.

Clearly not reading your mind, he lingered a moment longer. “In truth, I--”

“Have a good day, sir.” You didn’t mean to interrupt him and hadn’t expected him to say more.

He cleared his throat and smiled. “Same to you.” Thanking you again, by name this time, he left.

Back in the quiet lobby, you put his tip with the rest you’d made that night. You sat behind the desk and buried your face in your hands. The sting of feeling stupid in front of Ignis was abated by the underlying excitement that came from talking to the chef you admired.

They specialized in meals for picky eaters, which you were. They used clear directions, so they could be followed by an amateur chef, which you really were. They sometimes added personal anecdotes spiced with sarcasm and dry jokes to the recipe’s background, which made you feel safe to comment. You refrained from checking your inbox, content to wait until you were home to see if they’d replied yet.

Two attendants arrived for the day shift, and as you hitched the strap of your bag over a shoulder, readying to leave, one of them told you to wait.

“You should pick up a new nametag before your next shift.”

Glancing down at your uniform, you remembered you’d lost yours several days ago. “Oh, right. I will.”

You stepped into an elevator, pressing the button for the metro station level. New nametag. Dumb. You had your work badge but still required a tag. How else would the Citadel inhabitants know who to thank for fetching their expensive cars? You rolled your eyes at the thought, already annoyed. You’d have to come to work early to pick it up. Was it too soon to quit and attend culinary school? You needed to make a bit more money first. Ignis tipped large bills, but still, it’d take years of picking his car up every morning before you could afford tuition.

Grinning to yourself, you weaved through the incoming morning crowds and boarded a train home. It had felt nice, hearing Ignis say your name on his way out. He was the only person who ever addressed you, so maybe getting a new tag was worth it for that alone. Ignis was just-- He truly-- You really liked when he came down, that was all.

It didn’t strike you for another several hours, as you filled out the online request for a new Citadel employee nametag, that Ignis must’ve remembered your name. You supposed a great memory was probably just another part of his polite demeanor. That’s what you told yourself, at least, to keep your crush from growing. You didn’t even know the man.

You attempted the chef’s latest recipe, and as it cooled, you--very casually and not nervously at all--checked to see if they’d replied.

I’ll keep that tip in mind. As for your question, I recommend the following replacement recipe: brew a cup of coffee or tea, sit somewhere comfortable, and enjoy the beverage knowing your comments haunt me whenever I cook.

You read and reread the message, then laughed into a hand. Worth the wait. You ate a bite directly from the dish on your counter, huffing through the fresh heat with mild regret. They deserved a genuine review after such honesty, but it seemed you were doing little more than burning the roof of your mouth. So you took a picture of the food, offering a thumbs up with one hand in frame, and sent it as a reply.

The next night you worked, Ignis arrived much earlier than expected--before midnight, no less. He was coming in rather than going out. Another man was with him, someone blonde and unfamiliar. Ignis opened the back to retrieve something, turning you down when you offered to get it for him. The blonde man, his smile sincere but awkward, complimented your shoes.

“Thanks.” You didn’t really know what to say. People chatting with you was uncommon.

“They match your uniform’s tie… thing.” The blonde man was red in the face. Someone needed to tell him he didn’t have to make small talk. You were just a valet. He persisted, his smile broad. “It’s nice, y’know. You’re, like, coordinated and stuff.”

“Prompto.” Ignis closed the back and proffered a piece of luggage toward the other man. “Leave her be.” When the man took the bag from him, Ignis gave you the car keys. “I apologize for my friend. He can’t contain himself around beautiful women. Add inebriation, and he’s a lost cause.”

You gripped the keys tightly, taking in everything with a slow nod. Yes, of course, right. All of that made sense. Ignis was bringing a drunk friend into the palace. Normal Ignis stuff.

“Do you think Cor’s gonna be mad at me?” the blonde asked Ignis, walking backwards from the car toward the lobby doors. “Iggy, what if Cor gets mad at me?”

Ignis rolled his eyes, a hand checking his inner jacket. “A tad late to worry about that. Go directly to the barracks and try to sleep it off.”

“Where are the barracks again?”

Ignis’ chest broadened with a sigh, and he left the guy hanging. Withdrawing a money clip, he held it out to you. “For your trouble.”

You hesitated taking it. The outer bill appeared to be 1,000 yen, and it was several notes thick… More than the usual tip. You took it slowly, fingertips brushing his leather covered palm, and murmured a quiet thanks.

Ignis remained, his hand lifting to brush loose strands of hair out of his face. He wasn’t as put together as you were used to. Your eyes trailed downward, now noticing the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. Huh.

He cleared his throat and began, “There’s something I--”

“C’mon, Iggy!” The blonde man held one of the entrance doors wide open. “If I knew Cor was gonna be mad anyway, I would’ve stayed at Noct’s.”

Ignis gave you a hasty farewell, already walking away to push the blonde man through the door. They disappeared inside, leaving an awkward wake of silence. You settled into Ignis’ coffee-and-leather scented car, a realization hitting you late, as they tended to do. Had Ignis implied you were beautiful? You didn’t entertain the thought for long. Ignis was a professional, royal something-or-other. He would never. You were reading too much into it. Surely.

On the walk from Ignis’ parking spot back to the lobby, you checked for the latest message from the chef. You’d boldly given them your number in a DM when the comment thread became unbearably long. You hadn’t held out hope of receiving a message and read their initial text at least ten times in disbelief before responding and saving the number.

Was this a new friendship? You hoped so.

#ignis scientia/reader #ignis scientia #ffxv fanfiction #daim writes #lmao do recipe sites even have direct messaging idk #this thing doesn't have a title #it was supposed to be about a prank but i am in fact the fool #anyway i love you guys please take this #i'm going to rest now aaaaaaaaaaaa

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hockeylvr59 · 4 years

Text

It Started with a DM || Jake Debrusk

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Just another little something that demanded to be written. I was honestly debating on whether or not to write it and then JD went live today and obviously it was a sign.

Warnings: features quarantine as a setting, some cursing.

Word Count: 3,828

~~~~~~~~~

Being quarantined alone was well, to put it simply, lonely. As a freelance photographer, you were for the most part out of work. You didn’t have a significant other to keep you company, there wasn’t space at your parents’ for you to go home, and your apartment didn’t allow pets. On top of all of that, sports were canceled. Specifically hockey.

The combination of all of this left an empty hole in your heart and lots of time on your hands. Missing hockey was the whole reason you started watching twitch streams. If you couldn’t have hockey at least you could have hockey players playing video games. You’d started with Zach Hyman and Mitch Marner because Toronto was on a shortlist of teams you were fairly indifferent about. But after a week or so you found yourself watching David Pastrnak because he was on almost daily around dinnertime and it gave you something to listen to while you cooked. Watching Pasta’s streams had led to your introduction to Jake Debrusk and it was silly how the sound of his voice and his laugh brought a smile to your face. It was even sillier because you were absolutely not a Boston fan. Especially not after they knocked your Hurricanes out of the playoffs last season.

Still, each time that your phone received a notification that Jake had come online you immediately stopped whatever you were doing to watch. You weren’t part of the group that regularly played with him and Pasta, nor did you even really participate in the chats, you just watched. And for a couple hours each time, you felt a little less alone. For weeks this continued, with you only popping in to chat to wish Jake’s sister a happy birthday when he let her take over his stream for a little bit. To be honest you were just grateful for something to do. Never did you expect to log on one day to find a whisper sitting in your inbox.

Jdebrusk: Hey. Saw you’ve watched quite a few of my streams. Just wanted to reach out and say thanks.

You weren’t shocked by the fact that he could see a list of viewers, you kind of expected that. What shocked you was the fact that he actually cared enough to reach out to some stranger who he had never actually interacted with before. You weren’t sure what had pushed you to respond, maybe it was the Southern friendliness or maybe it was something else but after typing and deleting a response multiple times you finally pressed send and then immediately closed your browser in a failed attempt to not freak out.

Yourusername: Pretty sure I should be thanking you for sharing your time with us and making things a little easier.

____

With no one you followed coming online to stream for a few days, you didn’t even check the site to see if Jake had responded. But when you next logged on and saw a message notification once again you found yourself getting nervous for no reason as you opened it.

Jdebrusk: Well you’re welcome. Feel free to join in the chat anytime. Streaming has helped keep my family from driving me insane.

Yourusername: I’m more of a lurker. It’s just easier. And family can be a lot but be grateful you aren’t just staring at 4 walls every day.

Stepping away from your computer you grabbed your camera and attempted to go for a walk to take some aesthetic shots. As you slipped your memory card into the computer a while later, you noticed another notification.

Jdebrusk: Fair enough. You quarantining alone?

Yourusername: yep. But I guess it could be worse. I could live where it’s snowing in May.

Jdebrusk: Can I ask where you’re at?

For a split second you debated giving up this information but it didn’t seem like giving away your state could hurt.

Yourusername: North Carolina.

Jdebrusk: Nice! Cool state. Been there a few times.

Yourusername: I’m aware. No need to rub in sweeping my team, Debrusk.

Jdebrusk: And she’s got a sense of humor ladies and gentlemen. Well, or he...I guess I don’t even know that. AWKWARD.

Yourusername: She works.

Jdebrusk: Cool cool. So a hurricanes fan huh?

Yourusername: Yeah. My family would probably disown me if they knew I was talking to a Bruin.

Jdebrusk: Yowza.

Yourusername: So if anyone asks I’m only here for Rocky appearances. ;)

Jdebrusk: She’s only here for my cat. Got it.

You couldn’t explain why talking with Jake felt so easy but it did. When he came on to stream next you chirped him through whispers the entire time and seeing his reaction in real-time as he read them had you giggling uncontrollably. By the time he got off, you were just waiting for his comments to come streaming your way. Instead of some long-winded rant brushing off all your jabs you just got a single comment in response.

Jdebrusk: It’s not fair that you can chirp me and I don’t know anything about you.

Yourusername: What do you want to know?

Jdebrusk: I mean your name would be a good start. Age might also be important...you’re not like 12 right?

Yourusername: Would I be quarantining alone if I was 12? I’m 24. Y/N.

Jdebrusk: right. Right. Y/N from Carolina. Who likes cats. Got it. Are you a student or…?

Yourusername: Freelance Photographer.

Jdebrusk: Alright. Nice. Do you do like weddings or nature stuff or what?

Yourusername: A little bit of everything. @wildflowerphotography is my company name if you want to go on insta and see some of my work.

No reply followed and you tried not to dwell on it. Instead you poured a glass of wine, lit a few candles, and settled into your bathtub, trying to relax for bed. Still nagging thoughts lingered in your brain. Was sharing your company page too much? He probably wasn’t asking for you to promote yourself, he was just being polite right? Though you hated yourself for letting it bother you, you were the type of person who overthought everything...which thinking about it was probably why you were still single.

Your anxious thoughts lingered and you tossed and turned all night before finally pulling yourself out of bed the next morning. It was only as you dug through your company dms, responding to a few potential clients that wanted you to take socially distant photos for them that you stumbled upon a familiar username.

Jdebrusk: You took all of those? Holy shit that’s talent.

The timestamp showed the message was sent only twenty minutes after you gave him the username and you sighed to yourself before chuckling at the fact that Jake was too lazy to switch back to twitch to respond.

Wildflowerphotography: Thanks. I’m really proud of them all.

It was still early in the morning so there was no way he was awake with the two hour time difference so after making yourself some breakfast you took another short walk, trying anything to get your mind off of the loneliness that felt worse today than most days. Your mood had definitely been a rollercoaster recently with higher peaks and lower lows than normal. It was something you were trying to manage the best you could but sometimes it was just hard.

With the rest of your afternoon spent binging a random tv show you didn’t even look at your phone until dinner time, but waiting for you was another dm from the Canadian hockey player.

Jdebrusk: You should be.

Jdebrusk: So listen...this is probably weird but can I get your number so I can stop wading through a bunch of dms and whispers I don’t care about and just talk to you?

It was a fair question but to be blunt, today was probably the worst day for him to ask because your anxiety-riddled brain kept wanting to know why he even cared about talking to you. You didn’t know what he was looking for from all of this but your mind immediately assumed the worst. So instead of just being open with him, you blew him off, completely ignoring his message. And when he logged onto twitch next, though you wanted to watch, you forced yourself to avoid that as well.

Three days passed before another message appeared.

Jdebrusk: You okay? You didn’t watch the last stream. I’m sorry if I fucked up. I’ll back off if you want...I just want to know that you’re okay.

The concern he was expressing was honestly something you didn’t expect and you found yourself crying as you read it over and over. Jake was nothing but a joyous person and the last thing you wanted was to bring him down with the mess of your own mind.

Wildflowerphotography: you didn’t fuck up. I just...this is all on me okay.

With your phone left open to your message string with him you watched as little dots appeared before vanishing repeatedly. Eventually a new message appeared simply containing a string of numbers composing a phone number. Jake was putting the ball in your court and a few minutes later the part of you that was aching to hear his voice won the mental war and you found yourself dialing the number.

“Y/N?” Jake questioned the second he answered and a shaky sob slipped from your throat at the sound of him speaking your name for the first time. “What’s going on?” He murmured and by his tone you could tell he was both confused and concerned. You wanted to speak, wanted to pretend everything was fine but you’d already gone over the edge and it was too late for that now. Another sob spilled through your body and you faintly heard Jake mumble a curse. “Do you want me to just talk to you? I’ll just keep talking okay and you can hang up if you want.” He offered. And talk he did, you weren’t even sure what he was telling you, you were more focused on the grounding sound of his voice itself rather than the content of the words he was speaking. Eventually your breathing steadied out and the elephant sitting on your chest lessened allowing you to murmur his name.

The second he heard your voice he paused mid-story.

“Thank you.” You whispered into the phone.

“Are you okay?” He inquired, his voice tentative like he was worried anything he said would push you back over the edge.

“Better.” You admitted. “Not great but better.”

“I’ll take better.” He insisted. “It’s nice to actually hear your voice.” He added, causing your cheeks to flame up unconsciously. You opened your mouth to apologize again for your breakdown only to be stopped as he insisted you not do so. “But really...are you okay?” He repeated his question and you sighed.

“It’s been a rough few days mentally for me.” You admitted. “But I will be okay.” You added.

“Okay enough to stop ignoring me?” He teased and when you let out another shaky breath he backtracked. “It’s okay, I get it. I was just worried. You don’t have to talk to me ever again if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to.” You breathed. “Talk to you that is.” As if he sensed you had more to say, Jake remained quiet, only the sound of his breathing coming through the phone.

“I guess...you should probably know that I tend to overthink things. I want to talk to you. Hearing your voice makes my entire day. I just...I guess I’m just confused on why you want to talk to me. What your intentions are, etc. And you...you don’t have to answer that just...that’s where my head is at.”

Jake was silent for a minute before his voice reached back through the phone.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know what this is either. But I’m intrigued by you and I guess my intention is just to get to know you better if you’ll let me.” Jake’s honesty was refreshing and you nodded even though he couldn’t see you. “And if I can make your day just by talking...well that’s a pretty sweet bonus.”

______

Quarantine continued to drag on, paused only by some carefully planned photo sessions with your distance lenses getting extra abuse. You continued talking to Jake, mostly through text but with the occasional phone call. He’d whine about the crap he was getting from his sister when he’d disappear to talk to you but he’d insist that it was worth it in the next breath. Between the streams, the phone calls, the texts and the memes he’d send you, suddenly you felt a lot less alone, at least emotionally.

A month since your first phone call had passed before Jake sent you a text that made your heart stop.

JD: So how come I send you pictures all the time and yet I still don’t know what you look like?

For weeks he had been sending you photos of him snuggling with Rocky or hanging with Jordyn and there had even been a shirtless workout pic or two which had left you debating whether a cold shower was appropriate. At the same time, you hadn’t worked up the courage to send him any photos in return other than ones you took of nature on your walks or snippets from photoshoots you’d done. Trying to downplay it all you sent back a teasing response.

YN: What can I say I’m a behind the lens person.

JD: Y/N...c’mon I just wanna see how beautiful you are.

Leaving him on ‘read’ you sighed and bit your lip not sure how to respond. You were afraid if he knew what you looked like that he wouldn’t want to talk to you anymore and you weren’t sure what you’d do if you lost something that had sort of become a saving grace in this crazy time.

JD: Is this one of those insecurity things? Is that why I haven’t seen you yet?

It was starting to amaze you how well Jake could read you. It had been a long time since anyone was able to see through the walls you put up, see behind the camera that you hid behind, but it had only been a month or so and already Jake was starting to read the silences between the words.

JD: Do you want me to get Jordyn to pump you up? A picture isn’t going to change what I think of you…

YN: You don’t know that.

JD: C’mon YN give me a little more credit than that. You know I’m not that shallow. I like you okay. I like the woman that chirps me. I like the woman that listens to me and always knows what to say. I like the woman that sees me as Jake and not Boston Bruin Jake Debrusk. And since none of that is based on your physical appearance I’m going to like you no matter what you look like.

YN: Promise?

JD: Yeah Y/N, I promise.

Scrolling through your camera roll you attempted to decide on which of the few photos of yourself made you look at least somewhat pretty before biting the bullet and attaching it to the text conversation. The moment you hit send you winced and your anxiety didn’t ebb until your phone rang in your hand.

“You’re stunning.” Jake’s voice breathed lowly the second the line connected. “Just as beautiful outside as you are inside which I wasn’t sure was even possible.” By now you knew when Jake was trying to play something up versus when he was being genuine and his voice now was 100% the latter. But taking compliments about your body was never something you’d been good at so you didn’t know what to say in response.

“I hope you believe me.” He added. “I knew you wouldn’t believe a text even if I sent it 100 times so I hope you can believe me, hearing me say it.”

“I...thanks Jake.” You finally mumbled. You did believe that he was being honest, he had no reason not to be with you living thousands of miles apart, but at the same time, you still felt uneasy about it for reasons you’d never fully be able to explain.

___

Tearing down the last barrier of anonymity seemed to open up a new world between you and Jake. If it was even possible you communicated more frequently, adding facetime calls to your usual methods. Seeing the way he looked at you while you talked sent heat flooding through your body and you quickly came to the realization that you were falling hard for him.

That knowledge was terrifying and once again you wanted to pull away, protect yourself from getting hurt. But then Jordyn stole her brother’s phone and called you, raving about how when all of this was over you had to agree to meet her brother in person because she had never seen him like this over anyone. Talking with Jordyn reminded you that Jake didn’t have to go to all of this work, didn’t have to deal with your crazy emotions if he didn’t think you were worth the time and effort. It may be a pandemic but surely there were women in Edmonton willing to break social distancing rules if it meant scoring someone as wonderful as Jake. But yet each and every night he was on the phone with you, taking the time to get to know all of the things that make you tick, your likes and dislikes, your hopes and dreams.

And it wasn’t just Jordyn that knew about you. You’d been on the phone with Jake when both of his parents came outside and when he’d asked them to come back in a minute because he was talking to you, they just called out your name in greeting and waved.

“Your parents know my name?” You’d asked and Jake ducked his head shyly before replying. “I mean yeah…” He stated. “My mom can’t wait to meet you.” You were sure from Jake’s point of view that it was probably comical how wide your eyes went at his statement.

“Jake what...what is this...are we just friends or…?” It wasn’t a question that you ever anticipated asking but it was out there now. From the other side of the screen, you watched Jake adjust his ball cap over his overly long hair.

“Fuck...Y/N…” Jake started and you opened your mouth to assure him that friends was fine, that it was what you wanted too because if you didn’t put your heart out there than you couldn’t get hurt. Before you could speak though Jake continued. “No...we’re not just friends. I think you know that as well as I do.” He admitted. “I don’t know exactly what we are. I...I was hoping to meet you in person when I asked if you wanted to be my girlfriend. I know...I know that none of this is ideal because even when this is over there’s going to be the whole long-distance thing but...I can’t deny that I have feelings for you y/n. I don’t want to deny it.”

“I don’t want to deny it either.” You said softly, fingers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I mean...if you’re willing to put up with my emotional baggage…” You shrugged.

“You have feelings for me too?” Jake questioned, his normal confidence suppressed. “I have no problems supporting you through dealing with your baggage if you’re willing to do the same with mine. I know I’ve fucked up in the past as a boyfriend and I don’t want to do that to you.”

“I think I’m kinda sorta falling for you.” You stated anxiously, unable to meet Jake’s gaze through the screen until he breathed your name.

“So can we agree we’re something more than friends and that we’ll figure out the details as part of returning to the new normal?”

“Yeah...we can agree to that.” You nodded.

_______

The new normal had finally arrived and that meant that you were going to see Jake in person for the first time. The two of you had been “more than friends” for what felt like forever now but had realistically been a few months but with each passing day you knew you wanted more. You still didn’t know how it would all work with him playing in Boston and you owning a company in North Carolina but you were ready to figure it out together if it meant that you could finally have him for real.

Jake’s plane was scheduled to land in ten minutes and you were running so far behind. Your senior picture photoshoot had run over and traffic was a mess. You’d texted Jake apologizing but upon getting your text he’d quickly waved your concerns off declaring that he’d just get an uber and meet you at your apartment. It would be a better first meeting anyway because you wouldn’t be time-restricted by parking or pick up zone rules.

When you finally pulled into your parking lot you checked your phone to see if Jake had arrived yet. It wasn’t until you reached the front steps of your building that you noticed someone sitting there, bags beside them. He looked up at the same time that your brain processed that it was him and he was really there and tears instantly prickled in your eyes. As you rushed to close the distance, Jake stood to catch you as you threw yourself at him.

No words needed to be said as you tugged his mouth down to your own, kissing him for the very first time. It was nothing like you had expected but at the same time it was everything and at that moment you knew that this was it, you were in love. It had been such a long wait, but the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, his lips against yours was well worth it. It was cheesy but you knew that the physical chemistry was only this strong because you already knew each other inside and out and now that he was here, now that he was finally yours, things could only get better.

Being with Jake despite the distance wouldn’t be easy but now that you knew the way he felt, the way he tasted, the scent of his cologne, you were willing to do whatever it took to make it. If you could fall in love during a global pandemic, you could do anything and it would make a great story to tell the grandkids one day about how they only came to exist because of a direct message on a streaming site while the world was quarantined.

#jake debrusk #jake debrusk imagine #boston bruins #boston bruins imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #bbruins #030 #tw: quarantine

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towerfandoms · 4 years

Note

Would you consider doing a pt 2 to Hanahaki Disease where everyone finds out about the surgery? 😖😖

Of course you can! Thank you so much for requesting this. First part can be found here. I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1.2k

CW/TW: nothing much, mentions of hospital and not being able to breath.

Genre: angst, not as bad as the last one though. a lot of Endorsi comforting the reader <3

Hanahaki Disease (2)

Y/n!” came a foreign voice startling you out of your pleasant thoughts. You stood there confused as you couldn’t pinpoint exactly whose voice it was, thought it was familiar.

You turned around, still with a smile on your lips.

“Hm?” you replied, taking in the sight of the person in front of you.

He had an angelic smile, velvety laugh, porcelain skin and piercing, bright blue eyes. He was the definition of perfection. You questioned to yourself if he was hand-carved by the Greek Gods themselves.

“Are you ok? I haven’t seen you in a couple of days?”

“I’m so sorry if this sounds rude but do we know each other?”

——————————————————————————

Khun stood there still, in shock. For the first time the blue haired man was speechless. Whatever he was expecting after not talking to you normally for weeks certainly wasn’t this. And it wasn’t just the blank look on your face that irked him, it was also your tone. You were talking so formally and polite it made him feel disgusted.

It had been a couple of weeks since your confession. You two hadn’t spoken much bar an occasional greeting or discussing of plans. Though he wouldn’t admit it, he had missed you. A lot. Despite everything that’s happened, you two were best friends and it hurt not talking to you. But he had wanted to give you space. Now he almost regrets that.

“Is this some kind of joke?” he asked, anger masking his confusion and hurt though he knew the answer deep down. He knew it wasn’t. Khun was a perceptive person, so he could tell that you weren’t messing around.

“No? I just had surgery though so I guess i’m still a little out of it,” you replied almost breathlessly. Not only was he a work of art, he had a beautiful, almost velvety voice to match

“Surgery? Why didn’t you tell anyone? We’ve been worried sick about you for the past few days!”

You were gone for three days and nobody knew where you were. Sure you didn’t have to tell anyone but it’d be nice if you had even left a note.

Thinking back, why didn’t you tell anyone? You felt bad that your friends were worried about you. You hadn’t been yourself but you didn’t want to worry them anymore. You didn’t realize how long the operation would take.

“I’m sorry. I thought everyone was busy and didn’t want to worry them more,” came your sheepish reply.

“Y/n, we‘re your friends. You could’ve at least told us.” he scolded. Though his tone was harsh it wasn’t hard to see the lines of worry across his forehead.

It was really weird, you thought. You could remember everyone else quite clearly. Why couldn’t you remember him? He seemed so familiar too. And why did you even have the surgery in the first place? The answer was right there in the back of your brain but you couldn’t reach it.

Khun

Khun? What the hell was a Khun?

No, not what.

Who?

“Khun…?” you asked uncertainly.

You could almost see some of the tension roll off his shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s my name,” his tone was rather harsh but for some reason he was rather easy to read. You could tell how stressed he was.

Khun could also read you easily. He noticed your still confused look and sighed.

“I’m gonna call Endorsi, maybe she’ll know what’s up,” with that Khun sauntered off with the intention of finding your best friend and getting answers.

Almost immediately as he left the room Endorsi came running in. You could hear the man named Khun scoff and continue walking down the hallway, leaving you two alone.

“Don’t hate me but I was listening into your conversation and i just can’t help but worry,” she babbled breathlessly. “What’s wrong? Did you have surgery. Can you remember me? Please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten me. Otherwise I’ll have to slap it out of you,”

She was joking,,, or at least you hoped.

Without giving you time to respond she wrapped her arms around you and rested her forehead against your shoulder. You instinctively hugged her back.

“You didn’t actually forget me did you?” she mumbled sadly into your shoulder.

“What! No, of course not! How could I ever forget one of my closest friends.” you replied with the most certainty you could muster. It was true though. You could remember every little detail about her. She was rather hard to forget.

Upon hearing that Endorsis mood took a complete 180. “Yay, ok now can you please explain everything?”

“I can try but the truth is I don’t remember anything myself. I had a surgery for three days but now I don’t even remember what it was for. I think it was for lung disease.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You can tell friends anything. We could’ve gone through this together. Man that must’ve been so scary having surgery alone,”

“No it wasn’t actually that bad. But the issue is I can’t remember that Khun man qnd he looks really sad about it. “

“Khun, sad? I doubt it,” she snorted. “This sounds really familiar though. There’s actually been a lot of cases lately where people had surgery for something in their lungs and forgetting about their loved ones when they wake up. I think it’s something in the anaesthetic.”

“Oh…” you trailed off unsure.

“Yeah, I think it was like Hananene illness or something.”

Hanahaki

You felt like you were in the hospital again. You could hear the nurses and doctors arguing throwing that cursed word around. You kept trying to take big gulps of air but it felt like you were drowning. It was so painful. Your lungs were bursting even though there was nothing in them.

Except those wretched blue flowers.

“Earth to y/n. Earth to y/n. You ok? You look like you just remembered a ghost.” Endorsis head was no longer on your shoulder, instead her arms were gripping them, lightly shaking you.

“It was Hanahaki disease,” you said a little too quickly.

“Oh yeah it was- Wait! Did you have Hanahaki disease?”

You nodded a bit ashamedly, looking to the side.

“And it was Khun who you were in love with, that’s why you’ve forgotten him,”she whispered softly with the sudden realization.

“I can’t remember a thing about him though. I could barely even recall his name,”

Endorsi looked at you with such sadness sadness in her eyes you were scared she was going to start crying.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve known.”

You were taken aback by her strange kindness.

“Hey, it’s fine. Besides I’m alive and I’ve forgotten him so it doesn’t really matter now” you weren’t sure who you were trying to reassure.

“Still, I’m not sure how we’re going to tell him,”

“Tell who, what?” asked Shibisu, entering the room with Bam and Hatz.

Endorsi turned to you and gave you a look that said it was going to be a long night.

Silently you agreed.

A/n: sorry for leaving it off here but i did it for two reasons. one otheriwse it was gonna be a long ass story. and two, to see if people wanted a next part. literally one dm/ inbox message and i’ll do it cuz i really enjoy writing this. thank you! oh also if y’all wanna make it someone else x reader. or we could even do a little bit of khun secretly being in love and wants her back. possibilities are endless, lemme know !

#tower of god #tog #khun aguero agnis #khun x reader #khun #khun aa #khun aguero agnes #tower of god khun #kami no tou #endorsi jahad #endorsi zahard #endorsi x reader #tower of god endorsi #tog endorsi

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interstellix · 3 years

Text

to those who made my 2020 a little better,

i just wanted to let each one of you know that you mean tons to me and that you truly have, in one way or another, made this year better. i’ll be honest, 2020 was just not it for me, a whole lot of shit happened and i’ve had countless of days where i’ve been too tired in ways i can’t explain. at the same time though, good things have happened as well, one of them being the people i’ve met on tumblr; some of you i’ve been friends with since before, some of you i got to know this year and some of you even very very recently. still, i can’t thank these people enough because they’ve all been part of making this year less shitty than it would’ve been otherwise. thus, i wanted to at least let the mentioned ones know that they’re the ones part of that

now, i’m really not good with words, and i absolutely Hate being sappy, yet that’s exactly what i’m being here fjkdfk. i’m deadass out here cringing at my own words but please bear with me this one time LMAOO.

tldr; ily and u’re all v v precious people to me

@ohmyhao i don't think i'll ever be able to explain just how precious you are to me, no joke :( i'm almost 100% you're the one who's been sticking around my blog(s) since the very start and i want you to know that, even if we don't talk as often, i'm grateful for each and every day knowing i deadass have someoone like you around. i mean, i'll be honest, i still question your choice of favorite haikyuu characters because oi🤮kawa bUT!! i'll forgive you bc!! you're literally among the cutest people i've ever come across (don't even think of arguing with me this time), you're no joke one of the reasons i continued staying on tumblr and getting to know you is something i'll always feel blessed over 🥰

@kachulein LOL OK i could go on for hours and hours here, mostly because of how many and all the different things we talk about stuff that just shouldn't see the light of the world included. talking to you is something that never fails to make me feel happy but also incredibly at ease; i really, really want you to know that something i’m incredibly grateful for is how i’m comfortable enough with you to be able to talk about things i otherwise just can’t :( aside from that, listen, 99% of our conversation have me wheezing my throat off, like it can get weird af but it still has me laughing. something else i’m really happy is when you put in your two cents in our conversation, i’ve said it before but as someone who struggles with seeing things from more than one perspective, i really admire hearing about your own! all in all, i love you tons and tons, you’re an incredible person through and through and i truly appreciate the time i get to talk to you!

@starryarles i don’t think i tell you this enough but?? mae?? i literally love you so much, legit l-o-mae-l??? i still laugh my ass of looking back at the time you found my other blog and i had to guess which one of my mutuals you were LMAOO listen the panic fjijfkjk. anyway, i absolutely adore every message, ask and comment i receive from you, no joke i always get really happy from each one of them and tbh?? during that long period of time we didn’t talk i genuinely thought you hated me or something HAHAH. turns out that that was not true at all or so i hope and not to sound like a sap but i’m deadass overjoyed that we started talking again. and really, you’re way, way too supportive, i literally don’t deserve how much love i’ve received from you even but please know that i’m grateful for every bit of it and that i love you stupid much and hope we can have another good year together :’)

@milkteandhan you?? are also?? one of the few who have been dealing with my ass literally from the very start?? because i seriously can’t remember having been on tumblr without you around?? BUT ALSO YOU LITTLE SHIT IDGI you bully me to the ends of the fucking world but for some reason?? i still love you?? >:(( ok but jokes aside, i really do love you a lot, i mean i love you as much as you make me suffer and that? that’s a lot :) you drop by my inbox with either the cutest/funniest message or pictures that make me wanna dig my grave but either way, they always make me smile like a fucking moron and listen LISTEN. i really wanna explain to you how much you mean to me but idk where to start bc i can’t. literally just can’t. find the words for that. but all i can say is that meeting you is something i’ll thank any and every damn god out there for and i’m not even religious, like at all fjkdjfkd so yeah. mwah

@astronomlns my god you bitch you bully me almost on the daily and then you?? have the audacity to deny it?? but! that said, i don’t mind lol. one of my biggest regret what goes my “”online-life”” is the awfully long time we didn’t talk but that’s also why i’m mad happy that we actually do now, almost every day even. i’ve already said this before but have the friendly reminder that you’re among the few that i feel really safe when talking. we’ve also pointed out this before but it’s almost been two whole years since we became friends and i hope you can stick with my shit for another whole year. again, you bully me a lot, but i still love you a whole damn lot, never forget that

@lixchannie i’ll be flat out honest, idk what the hell i’m supposed to say here. despite all bullshit that has happened you’ve been there with me this entire, entire time ever since we became friends and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to explain how thankful i am for that. we don’t talk every day and imy when we don’t lmao but tbh i’m fine with that because i’m genuinely glad knowing that i even get to have someone like you in my life. so yeah don’t leave me bc i’ll deadass hunt you to the end of the world

the rest of the “”kin-gang”” like some like to call it @bubbleskz @berryyyyyy @skzbbie we don’t talk as often, v v rarely actually but i want y’all to know that i don’t appreciate and love you any less than i did before we started somewhat losing touch. i don’t like sounding cheesy and shit fjkfkds but let it slide this time, the times we do talk are times i treasure more than i can explain, deadass. i feel like i don’t tell you this enough but you guys are better friends than i could ever ask for. again, we don’t talk as much, but 2020 would’ve sucked a thousand times more if we didn’t talk a lot, so thank you tons for being part of it and i hope you’ll be there for 2021 too :’)

@soulkhunscompass LISTEN. listen. i’ll say it, i’ll just fucking say it: i don’t deserve you at fucking all :///// you’re way too sweet to me, talking to you always makes me smile and laugh, esp when you promise making me food one day ffjdkfjkds. but somehow?? at the same time, and idk how you do it, but somehow SOMEHOW you never fail to make me feel appreciated whenever you tell me sweet ass things. ‘in return’, never forget that both that and you are something i appreciate way way more k >:( and also >:(( never forget that i love you so much, literally more than i love how the corner of felix’s eyes crinkle up whenever he smiles and that’s,,, that’s a damn lot tbh 👉👈

@chwe-yeeun honestly i’m lowkey sobbing while writing this. you’re one of those i only got to know this year, in fact just a few months ago but nonetheless, you’re still one of those i treasure a whole damn lot. like you said, you love making me suffer with pretty boys, it hurts but it’s still funny lmao, i appreciate but also feel bad whenever you have to deal with my bullshit whenever i come crying to you over eric those pretty boys, aNd ThE tImEs yOu SeNd ThAt CuTe HuG?? i return them all, like fr take my heart i don’t need it, it’s your for the taking like literally fuck it. moral of the story, i love you tons and thank you for being there with and for me :’)

@riskyrenjun i might as well start off and say that i fucking screeched when i saw you in my notifs and mention my content on your blog bc?? the queen herself?? noticed me?? wtf?? and i’ll be honest, i’ve been following you for a good while and for the longest time ever i wanted to hit you up bc you’ve literally always seemed so precious sO?? dO YOU EVEN KNOW??? hoW hAPPY i am?? that we actually?? are friends?? i’ve done nothing to deserve that but here we are fjkflkd. i saw your end-of-the-year post, i’m sorry i haven’t responded to it and that i’ve been so shit at talking lately, but i promise i’ll try to get better at it lmao so!!! i hope you’ll still stick around with me at that point because i can be really fucking damn annoying 🥺 long story short pray for a good 2021 bc you’ll probably regret ever even wanting to talk to me once we’ve become closer lol <3

there are a few other friends and mutuals i wanna include here; i don’t talk as much with some of y’all, others are people i’m still getting to know but nevertheless, i want you to know that meeting each one of you here on this hellsite is a blessing in itself and that it’s one of the things i’m happy 2020 has actually given me :’)

@0325-4419 @marculees @jwisungchan @stealerz @ciiikb @zoey-angel-istaeminsbitchnow @yangles @violethhj @littlefallenrebel

alllso to dear dc servers: @planteii @joey-yellow-county @sakura-writes-stuff @bound-writings @koukounuts @classicalsylph the rest of the server bc i’m struggling really hard to find them // @crimsoncitrus @everythingsinred and the rest of that server because again i’m struggling to find the url to the rest fjdkfkd; i’m not particularly active in neither but i still want you to know that i’m very grateful for being able to be part of two v v warm and welcoming servers, so thank you for that 🥺

#FUCk this got longer than i thought fjfjld

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sonderwalker · 3 years

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OKAY YOU GET A PROMPT TOO

“you’re a little mixed up right now. ” from the fever prompts

❤️❤️❤️

aaaaaaaaa i actually had to think about what to write for this one but i have thought of something, so yay! it’s a continuation of your drabble that I requested from you, which you can read here and it’s from this prompt list!

It was now the end of the week, and Obi-Wan sat at his desk, scrolling through his emails. The sun was lower in the sky, telling that soon evening would be here, despite the fact that it was only just past four in the afternoon.

The windows of his office were closed, but he could still feel a chill coming through. The weather for the entire week had been cold and wet, teetering on snowing, and then would be just warm enough to rain during the day. Only for it to freeze over at night.

And while the weather annoyed him, it didn’t concern him. What concerned him was ever since that last email from Anakin, he hadn’t heard anything from him. And while part of him was saying that this was because he wanted his sweater back, another larger part of him could not deny the concern that had slowly beginning to build as the week progressed, and he still heard nothing.

He knew that the flu was nothing to joke about, and there had been a particularly bad strain that was circulating around the campus, causing several of his own students to end up in the hospital.

He refreshed his email, doing the best to put the thought of Anakin in the hospital out of his mind.

And his eyes widened when he saw a new email in his inbox- not from another student trying to explain why their paper was late, but it was from Anakin, who for the first time in four days, had responded.

He quickly opened the email, clicking on it several times and trying to ignore the way his heart seemed to beat a little faster in his chest as he did so.

‘Sorry for not responding sooner, I’m still pretty sick’ It began, and Obi-Wan immediately felt his heart sink into his chest, the guilt slowly building up from even asking Anakin when he could meet up to get his sweater back.

‘I think I’ll be feeling well enough tomorrow if you want to stop by my place and pick it up? I probably shouldn’t be going out.’ Anakin suggested, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile here. Anakin was a selfless person, almost to a fault most of the time, and while at times it was frustrating, it was also at other times endearing. And this was one of those times.

‘Here’s my address, and my number. Text me when you’re outside!’ And that was the end of it. Obi-Wan stared at the numbers on the bottom of the screen, blinking several times.

And while he had intended to ask Anakin for his personal contact information at some point, he didn’t intend to get it like this. And while he wasn’t upset at the fact that this was how he got it, he was concerned that perhaps Anakin felt pressured to return the sweater. As far as Obi-Wan was concerned, Anakin could keep it for as long as he liked, especially if he was still as sick as he was saying.

But he also had to consider that Anakin probably would not see and respond to another email in time for Obi-Wan to tell him that it was more than alright that he keep the sweater until he felt better. That he didn’t mind at all, and that he was happy that Anakin was getting some use out of it.

His eyes scanned over the phone number at the bottom of the screen again, before slowly pulling out his phone and entering it as a new contact.

It felt strange.

On the surface, there was nothing strange about what he was doing, but it felt strange in his heart, and he didn’t want to think about why. Not yet, at least.

But it was now the next day, and Obi-Wan found himself staring down at a map on his phone, the destination being Anakin’s apartment building. It was close to the campus, and located where he knew a lot of students lived. There were also professors that lived in the nearby neighborhood, and so it was a place that Obi-Wan was familiar with.

The building was only a ten minute drive from where he currently was, which was not his own residence, but a convenience store. He had told himself, that if Anakin was going through all of this trouble to return the sweater despite still clearly being unwell, the least he could do was show up with something nice in return.

Which is how he found himself purchasing some cold and flu medicine, and a box of tea that he was surprised that they carried, but knew that he always enjoyed drinking when he felt unwell.

Grabbing the bag that the cashier placed them in, Obi-Wan quickly walked back out of the store and continued on his way.

‘I’m outside.’ Obi-Wan typed out but then deleted it. He didn’t want to be too blunt, be he also didn’t want to appear vague. He looked down at the empty message bubble and sighed, watching as his breath turned into a cloud of vapor in front of his face.

‘Hello Anakin, It’s Obi-Wan, and I am outside of your building.’ Was that too formal?

He hit send.

It was probably too formal. Obi-Wan groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

He stood out in the cold, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, trying his best to not worry too much. People came and went into and out of the building, but there was no sight of Anakin.

And when their was, Obi-Wan felt a mix of emotions.

First was the initial rush of seeing Anakin that always happened, which was quickly replaced by a frown as he noticed that if anything, Anakin looked worse now than he had at the beginning of the week. He had traded in his thin hoodie for a thicker one, and had the hood pulled over his head. Jeans were replaced by thicker lounge pants, but he was still wearing the same sneakers that he had worn when Obi-Wan last saw him.

Bundled under one arm was the sweater that Obi-Wan had lent him, and the other arm had been brought up towards his face as he coughed harshly into his elbow.

“Sorry this took so-” Anakin began, his voice raspy as he opened the door for Obi-Wan to walk inside.

“You can keep it.” Obi-Wan found himself saying before he had the chance to think of anything else.

“What?” Anakin asked, his voice cracking. He turned aside to cough again before facing Obi-Wan.

“You need it more than I do,” Obi-Wan pointed out, trying to stay as cool and collected as possible.

Anakin blinked at him several times before running a hand over his face.

“I thought you said you wanted it back?” He asked again before turning away to sneeze.

“I did, but had I known that you were still this sick earlier, I wouldn’t have bothered.” Obi-Wan replied with a shrug.

“But... you wanted it back?” Anakin asked again, narrowing his eyes and now Obi-Wan didn’t know if he should laugh or if he should be concerned.

“You seem a little mixed up right now, Anakin.” Obi-Wan noted as he rested a hand on Anakin’s shoulder.

He could feel how Anakin was both trembling and radiating too much heat at the same time. They both stared at each other for a moment, before Obi-Wan let go of Anakin, handing him the bag that was in his other hand.

“And you sound like you could use what’s in here,” Obi-Wan said as Anakin took the bag and opened it.

“You didn’t have to get me all of this,” Anakin whispered hoarsely, looking down at the contents of the bag.

“On the contrary, Anakin you sound horrible.” Obi-Wan replied.

“And I have had several students already end up in the hospital because of this strain of the flu, so I do in fact, think that you needed at least something.”

“Thanks,” Anakin whispered, looking back up at Obi-Wan and smiling softly. But the moment was ruined when Anakin turned away to cough again, and Obi-Wan winced at how it sounded.

“Alright, I think it’s time you head back to bed.” Obi-Wan said after Anakin was done.

Anakin rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. “Thanks again,” He said softly, crossing his arms over his torso as the door behind them opened, letting in more cold air.

“Think nothing of it, I just want you to get better,” Obi-Wan replied while waving his hand.

“I’ll see you next week?” Anakin asked as Obi-Wan turned to leave.

“Only if you’re well enough to be back, otherwise I will not hesitate to have you go home, as much as I enjoy your company.”

“You enjoy my company?” Anakin asked while sniffling several times.

“Yes, and as much as I’d love to stay and talk, I can see that you’re shivering, and should probably be back in bed.” Obi-wan pointed out.

“But can we talk later?” Anakin asked, his tone cautious but hopeful.

“When you’re better, we can talk.” Obi-Wan replied, before turning to leave again, feeling the cold winter air contrast the burning of his cheeks.

What was he thinking?

#prompt #drabble #my writing #writing #fever prompt #whump #obikin

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archivedatl · 16 years

Text

Old Blogs

Howdy. I’ve noticed some concern over the loss of my old blogs here n’ there so I decided to post all of them in one large, comprehensive blog-a-verse. Hope this brings a smile to a few faces. Our Street Corners Keep Secrets This is me asking for a brick to be thrown through my window, a message attached that reads, "Why can’t you just wake up?" I am not a star, don’t look up to me in hopes of finding something more. That which is out of reach does not promise anyone a goddamn thing. Hope arises in possibility, but possiblity is fragmented and selfish, so don’t think for a second that I am safe ground to walk on. I will sink beneath the feet of a thousand travelling companions, and make ruin of any city’s foundations, because concrete and steel can never tell a soul how it feels. Our street corners keep secrets, and our road signs only suggest, never deciding for us, never knowing if the destination to which they lead, is where we truely belong. Life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will some day end, but that most of us just live to follow directions, and many times we end up totally lost. I am a landmine. Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none. I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions. And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten. My fingers are crossed.  I-O-U.  Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden. Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost. Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.  Pick me up, Read me every now and then, I won’t disappoint. *I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*. I’ll talk the talk, you take care of the rest. What up thugs?  I’m alive and well, realizing how eternally grateful I am for everything going on in my life day by day... Its a lot like learning to walk - at least, that’s how I’d like to think of it. We’ve all been there, so I won’t waste your time painting a pretty picture of how it all goes down... I want to talk about other things... First and foremost, I’ve come to understand that as of late there have been a lot of people finding this little piece of my life tucked away on the web; moreso than usual, and for that reason, I’d like to extend my proverbial hand to anyone and everyone who may have something - anything to say to me. Thank you for taking an interest in who I am and what I’m attempting to do with my life. I am opening myself up, as much as possible, to anyone who may be interested. All I ask is that whoever you may be, wherever you may be, understand that I am only human - two hands, ten fingers, and a life... I’ve received a few messages from people, upset that I haven’t been able to respond to their previous comments or private messages, and who now probably think less of me for it. I hope this isn’t the case, but its bound to happen. What I’m saying is that I don’t live my life on the internet... I’m sorry if there’s a message I never got around to responding to... I’m just not that good at keeping up with reality, let alone a virtual one. I will, however, try harder from now on... And understand that even if I don’t respond, I probably have read your message. I don’t just clear my inbox and move on. Thats plain rude. :)  To all my good friends, the ones I should talk to more often, the ones I left back home, the ones I will never stop loving, thank you for still hugging me when I come home... I know I don’t always show it, but I’m forever indebted to you all for everything you’ve ever done for me...  That brings me to my second point. The closest friends you’ll ever have are the ones you’d take a bullet for, but they’re the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well. ;)  Think about that one.  That’s it for now. I can’t believe I’m up at 5:14am. Touring has made me an insomniac, but I feel fucking great.  Have a good one y’all,  Me Lawyers and Liars I am a liar. I am self absorbed. I am in this for me. I am seeking recognition. I am not concerned with politics. I am attempting to rise to the top. I am never going to forget my intentions. I am allowed to worry about my own life above the lives of others.  -------AFTER ALL---------  I am human. Part Deux: Colors, Sounds and Feather-Downs  Current mood: happy I had a long, goofy conversation several weeks ago with an interesting girl who I haven’t seen since, in a diner I have yet to revisit, but it stirred up some thoughts that I found pretty interesting. Maybe I’m just nuts. Anyhow, the discussion began on a simple basis; I inquired as to what her favorite color might be. She said she didn’t know. I replied, "How can you not know? Its a simple question." -- She paused, looking sort of surprised, as if someone had never pressed her for an answer before, and then replied, "Well... It changes... Today its yellow."  I didn’t know what to say... I didn’t understand.  How can your favorite color just change? What happened to yesterday’s favorite color? If, on a whim, something of such esteem and value can be replaced with another, then on what grounds was it ever of any more value to begin with? When I was little, my favorite color was green. It stayed that way, no matter what I said to be trendy at the time (IE. 8th grade was my "black is such a raw and expressive pigment" phase, but everyone goes through that shit.) As of late, I’ve become more partial to blue - Light blue in particular, but that’s not that important. My point is that something happened that caused me to send green packing, and to fall absolutely head-over-heels for blue. (Stay with me on this...) Now, such a dramatic change in attraction doesn’t just happen - I mean shit, I know we’re only talking about colors here, but this kind of switch-a-roo has only happened ONCE in my entire life. Green ---> Blue. Just like that. Must mean somthing, right? Pablo Picasso went through a "blue period", at which time he was broke and mourning the loss of a dear friend. There’s a similarity there somewhere. Please don’t get me wrong, I am by no means depressed, nor do I have any reason to be, but perhaps color - every, individual hue, represents to each of us a state of being, and in turn, helps us to deal with whatever it is we may be going through. I’m not talking mood-ring shit here. What I mean is that there are things - simple things - that without our knowing, mean the world to us and when they change, they change for our own good, because whether we like it or not, we are looking out for ourselves. We do it unconsciously - But we do it. We do it to stay happy and to stay alive... And above all else, that’s what matters. On this note, I’d like to attempt to make my point - Don’t throw yourself out on another’s whim. People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences. Live for yourself - love those around you, but realize that they’ve got their own agendas. People will screw you - You will screw people... Green ---> Blue. Get it? I’m not sure I do... Always consider that your life will venture in new directions, but be aware that other’s will do the same, and in accordance, understand that to be happy, people must exist in their own light, cast in and of themselves, not by the light of their peers. Conflict will arise because of this. Conflict is to be expected; conflict is a part of life. Find ways to work through conflict, even if it means picking a new favorite color...   I hope this makes a little sense.   I’m tired and rambling, and perhaps just a misguided fool, but I think there’s something in this - something that I am learning and accepting as my fingers punch these keys to an inviting, hypnotic rhythm. I feel like they’re leading me somewhere, and I’ve decided to follow.  ____I’m going to bed. Take from this what you will.  Love,  Alexander William Gaskarth  *I feel fine* The first of many, I hope.  Current mood: happy So I’ve decided to spill it; the beans, the juice, my guts... Whatever you want to call it, consider it spilled. Up to this point, I feel like I’ve done an excellent job of keeping just about everything true about myself, to myself... and for good reason - what people don’t know, people can’t use against you. I guess that’s my first confession. I fucking despise the way people operate. The way people go out of their way to find things out, only to throw them senselessly (BLINDLY) into conversation later. I don’t know if its intentional, (I guess that sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t,) but frankly, it gets to me. Its the same kind of prying aggravation I feel when someone starts moving shit around in my car, or on my computer table. Stop putting hills in my rugs! Please. Call me OCD but if I put something somewhere, chances are, I wanted it there and it should remain that way. Its the same for anyone else. Let one’s own business remain that way. Anyway. I’ve fallen into a depression lately - not emotionally per say, but I feel like my ability to open up to people has peaked over the past two years. I used to be so ready to say anything, without caring how it affected me, but recently I’ve become so protective of myself, not because I’m afraid of getting hurt by others, but because I might make myself look bad. It’s disgusting. I never used to be so self-absorbed. Its like in every situation, I’m wearing a mask... Not just one mask, in fact, but many masks; Masks to hide masks between people - to hide certain sides of myself from those who disapprove where others don’t. I try so hard to win the approval of everyone. Why? Fucked if I know. I just love being the center of attention I guess. And all this time I thought myself to be humble. No sir. But then, who really is humble? Everyone wants to be loved, right? So am I wrong in looking out for my own well being? Who knows? It makes me sick to my stomach, regardless. I’ve unknowingly stumbled across so many insecurities lately that I feel like a different person at times. It’s like I’ve been born all over again, to a world where I have to carry myself differently. I’m still opinionated, I’m still eagerly in search of answers, but my motives have changed. I do it for myself now; for the praise and admiration I earn as a result of my actions, not for the simple pleasure found in just "doing it". Maybe its all just part of growing up, as they say. Maturing... You know? But does it continue to change? Will I stop acting like such an asshole? Who knows. It worries me. I don’t want to be like this, but its who I’ve become... What’s worse is that I don’t know who or what to blame for the transformation. That would be too easy, right? I digress. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate. My dreams are coming true right before my very eyes - I have a band - We’re going somewhere - This time next year I hope I’m far, far away from this place. I want to see Japan. I’ve wanted to see Japan for a while now; call it a calling. Haha. I don’t know what I want when I get there - I don’t even like the hustle of big cities for too long. Gives me a headache. But there’s something about it. I’ll see it soon enough. The repetition of every day life kills. It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t. It would be a waste of freedom. Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine. I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I love my life. But between Monday and Thursday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I? I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks. I have some good friends. We get hammered sometimes and forget about everything. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. Awww. I also like to kiss people. It gets me into trouble sometimes. Whatever. Certain individuals need to stop looking for love in the wrong places. --I can’t talk. --I’ve found love in the worst places. --Its not an easy thing to deal with. --Doesn’t change the way I feel about them. --Its ok. --As long as I’m happy. There I go being selfish again. ___I’m done confessing for now. Take from this what you will. Love, Alexander William Gaskarth *I feel better.*

#Alex Gaskarth #2008 #So Wrong It's Right #MySpace #blog #text #ap tour

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