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#September is a great time to look for them
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I love the little things that become important to you over time for small reasons.
When I was about 15, I was on... some message board. This was like 2001, for reference. And that summer and fall I was playing around with pixel art. I'd started getting people's small pixel art bases and building my avatar on them. And they weren't great, but they weren't awful, and I was very proud of them.
So in like September that year (I know, timing, right? XD) someone on the forum traded me... something I've now forgotten to do their OC avatar in a specific outfit that i generally remember as being "from an anime or JRPG". It was like, grey fur boots, cuffs, and bikini. I did it, and they loved it and used it for all of October, and I was so proud.
About 8 or 9 years later, I found a cute flash animation on newgrounds of a bunch of various fictional characters the animator liked dancing to a song and being goofy, and when I first watched it, I lost my mind, because that character was in it!!! I saw that particular grey fur getup and immediately recognized it. I had no idea who the character was or what she was from, but I recognized her. I watched that flash animation regularly for a few years, and then just didn't without fully forgetting the animation.
And then in 2024, I went "gosh I wonder if that animation is on youtube now?" and googled the lyrics i could remember so i could get the song name, and then googled that song + animation, and poof there it was! And the youtube version linked to the original deviantart post, which had an actual listing of characters in order of first appearance, and I was reminded OH HEY THAT GREY FUR BIKINI GIRL IS IN THIS! :D and I was able to use context to identify the girl, and upon looking her up, I immediately went YES THAT'S HER THAT'S THE BITCH I DID A PIXEL ART HALLOWEEN COSTUME OF!! :D :D :D :D
It just is wild how I've remembered the basic physical appearance of one random character from a random game I've never played for 22 years, because of a positive interaction over my teenaged pixel art and an animation I first saw like 14 years ago.
ftr: the character was Ayla from Chrono Trigger, and the animation was Zarla's multifandom animation to Stamp on the Ground.
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holocene-sims · 2 days
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next // previous
september 1, 2021 6:15 p.m. basil's restaurant
ten minutes ago
[ktmurphy86] i might be a few minutes late, but i'm almost there.
grant scrolls through the metric ton of messages piling up in his notifications until he reaches the very end, and with a lump in his throat, opens it to respond. or like it. or send a thumbs up like a cool cucumber.
baby steps, he tells himself. one task at a time. the responses to all the messages from family, friends, and former co-workers inquiring about his exam results will come later.
just meet your sister first and–
“you seem different.”
he nearly jumps out of his skin as kelly’s high-pitched voice supersedes his thoughts.
“hopefully in a good way,” grant replies, looking up as he slides his phone off the table and into his back pocket.
it’s been nearly a decade since their last encounter, and he’d still recognize her from a mile away.
kelly’s hair is dyed platinum blonde like always, but now it’s twice as long, and her natural brunette locks–peeking through at the root–are streaked through with shocks of silver. her ice blue eyes are just as piercing, only underlined with tiny wrinkles. she’s still thin, too, but rather rail thin; her sweater dress seems to wear her more than she wears it.
“yes, in a good way.” kelly pulls out the chair opposite him and sits down with her arms wrapped across her waist. the candle between them casts a strange yellow glow over her wiry features. “you look better, much healthier.”
“uh, thank you. you look great as well.”
she half-smiles. “it’s just hair dye and botox. i look old. i didn’t inherit the ageless ó súilleabháin genes, so i'm going grey very early like all the callahans. by the way, you weren’t waiting long, were you?”
“oh, no, no, not at all. i have my car, but i didn’t want to deal with traffic, so i took the subway, but then that also kind of took a while. i pretty much just got here.”
“okay, good.” kelly pauses for a moment, her lips pursed. “well. i thought about what i'd say to you the whole ride over here, and now it’s all gone.”
for a moment, they exchange no other words. they drown in the silence, staring into each other’s eyes and into the past.
she’s surprisingly warm, all things considered. the last time they’d been in the same room–
grant is distracted again from his thoughts, watching as a strange sadness falls across her face. she reaches up at the collar of her dress and tug at it like it’s choking her, and her eyes then drift away to stare at an indistinct point on the table between them.
“it’s weird to see you again,” she admits suddenly, her gaze still fixated far away from him, “i didn’t think you’d message me back a few months ago.”
“to be honest, i didn’t mean to. i replied by accident one night and then just decided to follow through with talking to you. and now i'm here. yeah. um, anyway, why’d you reach out to me?”
“i was on facebook a couple months ago, and one of those ‘look at what you posted this day years ago’ things came up. it was a picture aunt bridget tagged us all in. it was the whole family at one of your high school hockey games, i think your freshman year state championship game.” kelly shrugs. “i didn’t even know any of those pictures were still there. that was a real surprise, given i unfriended and blocked everyone i'm related to on there when i left home after high school.”
grant nods. “a picture of me probably very sweaty and gross with helmet hair made you want to reach out to me?”
“not quite. my kids were with me at the time. we were in an airport coming back from vacation, so they were bored and nosy. ‘is that you? who are all these people?’ i was then immediately caught in my lie; i'd been telling them their whole lives i had no family left, and their only extended family was their dad’s parents.”
“yikes. i'm sure that was awkward.”
“it was,” kelly says plainly, “my oldest kids weren’t happy with the news. they’ve been, um, a little jealous of their friends for having lots of cousins and big family events for the holidays, and it didn’t go over well when they figured out they do have a big family. besides, they rightfully did see it as a betrayal of their trust. if mom lied once, what else might mom be lying about? the tooth fairy? santa claus? the easter bunny? yes, those, too. sorry. also, if you didn’t already guess based on my new last name, i married jack, and…”
“i figured you married him. you’d already been together a really long time even when i last saw you. we all grew up together, and you guys were middle school and high school sweethearts and all.”
“he’s a good guy. as i was about to say, though, jack is very partial to you. he always liked you. he thought you were a sweet kid, and he won’t let me forget what happened between us. so, after the facebook incident, he encouraged me to contact you, if only for the kids’ sake. after living in a huge family, i don’t think it’s all that fantastic, but he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder being an only child, and he doesn’t want the kids to have no one besides his parents in their lives. don’t get me wrong; i will never ever get involved in callahan or ó súilleabháin bullshit again, but i will consider reconnecting with you and letting you meet the kids.”
grant bites into his lip as that nagging anxious lump returns to his throat. “well, why me? why bother getting involved with any of us again after everything? even if it is for your kids, what's your motivation?"
kelly outright ignores his question. “tell me what you’ve been up to for the last, what, eight years? nine years? i don’t remember how long it’s been. you're at least talking to our dad, i hear.”
"how do you know that?"
"my in-laws may not know anything else about you these days, but they've seen you with him around our hometown."
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I met Vivian Campbell!!!!!!!!
@armageddonviv @stevesfuzzypinkslippers @jimmysdragonsuit13 and any other mutuals. FYI this is gonna be a long post.
I met Vivian on September 17, 2023 during one of his shows with his side band Last In Line. I bought tickets and meet & greet tickets. I was nervous that I got to the venue 2 hours early than I needed to be.
Last In Line's manager came out to get us (there were 5 others beside me waiting). We had to wait a bit because there was an issue with the speakers but finally IT WAS TIME!!!! I was so giddy and excited but also nervous to meet the man I have been crushing on for the last 18 years (at the time I was 38).
I had brought 2 things for all the guys to sign. Their CD booklet from their second CD and my ticket. So I went down the line to get them signed. First Vinny signed, then Andrew and then Viv was next. OMG!!! He looks even better in person.
I told him that I had been waiting to see him for a while. He said well here I am. He asked me my name, I replied Erin. He said that's a very Irish name. Then word vomit struck. Ugh!!!! I said thanks my great grandparents came form Ireland (at the time I thought this was was case turns out my ancestors came from Scotland, who knew) and that I didn't know where they were from so don't ask. He looked at me like ummm... okay. Then it was over. I was like ugh great stupid thing to say.
During the concert (my seats were 3rd row) I made my way up to the front of the stage. Vivian at one point saw me and had something in his hand. He put something in his pocket and at the end of the next song. He came over to me and was trying to give me his guitar pic when someone drunky mcdrunkerson next to me but his hand on top of mine to take the pic. What a jerk! But Viv saw this, and and said no This is for Erin and proceeded to put the pic in my hand. I told him thank you and was internally freaking out.
Thats my story of how I met Viv. Yes he was super sweet and nice and shy. He looks good in person and looks fit. Will post pictures in a separate post.
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tytoalba-28 · 2 years
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Please enjoy some mushrooms from a few weeks ago while I was camping.
There were so many! My knowledge of mushrooms is limited but luckily inaturalist is pretty dang helpful.
Pretty sure these guys are Russell's Bolete, up right Coral Fungus, American Yellow Fly Agaric and Sharp-Scaly Pholiota.
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lunarharp · 6 months
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figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..
#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist..#but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol.....#so looking at a “yearly review” where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing...#i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff..#that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol..#AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job..#this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends....#please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think..#It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess.....................#regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier.#art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS.#thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive#really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head#i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier
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sunnfish · 2 years
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💫 starstruck 💫
[Image Description: a digital illustration of Hirano Taiga from the series Hirano to Kagiura/Sasaki to Miyano. It’s a narrow landscape composition focusing on his eyes, which are wide with awe and wonder, as a wind blows his hair back. Bright starburst shapes also move along the direction of the wind, gathering in his eyes and hair and along behind him. The background fades from white in front of him to a dark blue-purple behind him. The overall colors are very saturated and also quickly fade from bright warm pinks highlighting the front of his face to darker turquoise blues in the shadows of his face and hair. There are two variations, one facing left and one facing right. The artist’s signature “sunnfish” and the date “sep 18, 2022” are written faintly along the bottom. /End Description]
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my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?
#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages#i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible.#i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns.#and i want these people to get their stuff#yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed#i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered#i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt#but got distracted#so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email#delivered an hour ago#i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore#it is like this every single day#like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me.#if i have no future and no hope.#if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library.#if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to.#can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible?#i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living#man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l#can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it?#can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly?#this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years#my grandma is fucking 91#my great grandma died at like 93#i can’t even do another year of this man#i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september#i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30#let alone anything after that#my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long
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carcarrot · 11 days
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everytime i go to my regular haircutter and show her reference pictures for what id want my hair to look like i have to preface it with "i know we only have so much to work with"
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swashbucklery · 1 year
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Hey question, if I, a grouchy lesbian with extremely specific tastes, have almost zero interest in male characters unless they’re 1) sensitive gay artistes or 2) very tender and gentle unproblematic nerds, will I actually like playing God of War?
I’m curious about Ragnarok because I’m craving a big open world that doesn’t have SKITTERING HORRORS in it (see: Elden Ring, Bloodborne) and a lot of reviews recommend playing the original God of War first but also the reviewers are all clearly men who are deeply moved by a story about being a shitty father and then learning to be a good one (?) and I think I. . .don’t care?
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lewsnumerounofan · 6 months
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dirty pt2 (theodore nott x reader)
summary: theo wants u back. that’s it.
notes: theo pov-ish, boy is grovelling, unedited, angst, mentions of smut
+ really wanna do a filthy smut oneshot of them as like a pt3 kinda what u think
+ part one
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Theo couldn’t find you anywhere. It was like you’d disappeared off the face of the fucking planet and left him alone, sulking through the cold castle hallways.
Ever since the party—the party where he’d left you like the idiot he was—you’d been a ghost. Even after rumour spread that you’d broke up with your golden boy boyfriend, you’d stayed away.
In your place, all Theo had done was miss you. It was stupid. He was stupid—a right git Mattheo has said—for what he’d done. What he’d been doing, really. Months of hook ups had given him plenty of time to talk to you about his feelings, about the two of you. Instead he’d squandered all his chances on you, on feeling you, on the pretty sounds you made under him. It had been hard to resist.
Except now it meant that he’d let all his longing and jealousy boil over into one cruel, ill-timed statement.
Isn’t that what you have your boyfriend for, ama?
Yeah, brilliant move Theo.
He exhaled harshly, watching his breath on the cold winters air. Tugging his coat tighter he took another drag of his cigarette, idly thumbing over the lighter in his other hand.
Where could you be? You only shared one class, and lately you’d taken to skipping it. He’d checked the library, the courtyard, and just about every other fucking room in the school. Bloody nothing.
And then, as if carried to him on the lightly falling snow, and idea. A memory, really.
It’d been a few months ago, after a particularly tricky exam. He’d seen you leave class crying and hadn’t been able to stop himself from following.
To ease his own conscious he’d promised himself it was just so he could ask you for the notes on a previous days lecture (notes he had, as always, already stole from the Ravenclaw he sat behind). Not because his chest tugged at the sight of your teary eyes, and certainly not because he had been feeling the ever growing urge to lay into whoever—or whatever—had your pretty eyes all glassy.
So he’d trailed you through the castle, winding up and up and up until you’d emerged onto a secluded balcony. Shrouded with shrubs and small, intricate statues, the small patio looked over much of the castle and grounds; to the west the river rolled heavy and full.
You hadn’t even looked surprised to see him. Just let your arms fall across his shoulders as you’d hugged him tight.
He hadn’t gotten the notes that day. He’d just held you up there on the terrace until the sun went down, all the while carting his fingers through your hair and muttering that you’d be just fine.
The boy stamped out his cig, doing his best to shake off the memory. No use dwelling on it if you never even spoke to him again.
He cut curtly across the grounds, quickly winding his way through the stairwells and hallways. Paying no mind to Draco and Blaise who tried to wave him down by the great hall, Theo did his best to clamp down on the worry hounding him.
What if you weren’t there? Worse: what if you were? What if you wouldn’t talk to him, or if you did only to tell him that it’d all been a mistake? That leaving you there had been the final straw and you never wanted to see him again.
The boys face grew graver with each thought. His clear eyes clouded with anxiety and his brows tightened. Students in younger years hurried to clear a path as he strode through them. No one much wanted to be on the receiving end of Nott’s hexes.
Finally he arrived at the correct landing. This area of the castle was largely deserted. And besides, most people were already prepping for bed on their dorms.
But you’d had trouble sleeping since September. And it was a crescent moon tonight, your favourite. So you’d be here, despite the snow.
Theo wanted to laugh at himself for all theses stupid, mundane things he’d gathered about you. Every time he’d laid next to you after you’d fucked, every bit of tucked away conversation. He’d remembered.
Hidden in the shadows, he shook himself.
Get over yourself, Nott. Get over yourself, and get her back.
He gave himself no time to think before stepping onto the snowy balcony.
At first he didn’t see you, tucked up behind the thick white hedges. But against the heavy stone railing you perched, slender hands holding an unlit cigarette of your own.
You didn’t look surprised to see him. In fact, when your eyes met you seemed almost… expectant.
Theo settled beside you. His heart was running embarrassingly quickly at your snowy lashes, at your eyes—shining in the moonlight.
“Theo.”
It was even more embarrassing the effect your saying his name wreaked. Without fail it had his breath hitching. When he had you spread under him, when you sobbed his name and gripped his curls when he ate you out-
Theo tried hard not to let his cheeks go red.
You were staring out towards the moon reflecting off the water through the clouds.
“What are you doing here?”
He didn’t let his hand shake as he lit your cigarette either. When you finally locked eyes with him he said, “I wanted to apologize.”
He could tell the words gave you pause. Theodore Nott was most definitely not the type to apologize. Sulky, prideful and sarcastic, the boy typically wouldn’t be caught dead saying such things to anyone.
But you weren’t anyone, certainly not to Theo.
“I- I don’t know what I was thinking. Honestly. It was stupid to leave you at the party. All of it was stupid, how I treated you was wrong,” he said.
You’d never heard him speak so many words at once. And you’d never seen him look… nervous? The Theo before you was someone entirely new. His hands ran through his hair anxiously, and he bit at his lip harshly to keep any more rambling from spilling forth.
Keep it together, Theodore.
“What we were doing was wrong-“
“You mean the cheating? Or the whole bloody relationship, Nott?”
He wanted to curse himself. Perhaps if he’d spent a bit longer thinking about something intelligent to say and a little less about your eyes and your fucking smile he wouldn’t have to be facing your harsh scowl now.
Nothing was coming out how he needed it to, and Theo was painfully aware of your mounting temper. But he couldn’t blow this. Not if it meant what he feared; no more hallway glances, no more intimate touches, no more you.
“It wasn’t a relationship-“
“Brilliant Theodore, thanks for rubbing that it.”
“And that was the problem,” he said.
Frustration brought the two of you closer, until you stood, jabbing a finger into his chest. You had to crane your neck back to meet his gaze, dark and heavy in the moonlight.
“What?” you asked.
You mapped his sigh in the frosty air as Theo exhaled heavily. Steeling himself.
“It wasn’t a relationship. That was the problem. I treated you like a hook up for months and it wasn’t right.”
“But that’s what it was, Theodore. I had a boyfriend-“
He was shaking his head, taking your cold hands in his.
“Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. I had so much time to change that. To fight for you and what I knew I wanted. I was just too jealous and scared to do it.”
Your eyes were wide at his confession. Jealous, sure. But scared? Before you could question him Theo continued, words coming fast and desperate.
“I was terrified that if I did something—if I changed our relationship at all—I’d lose whatever part of you I got. Even if that was broom closet hookups and nothing more… I wouldn’t—I couldn’t lose that. And it took me until now to realize that you deserve better than that. You deserve everything.”
He took a deep breath, chest moving heavily.
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t let you go without telling you that.”
Baby blue eyes on yours. Around you the snow fell in heavier swaths, blanketing Theo’s shoulders with the palest white. He looked like your own personal prince in shining armour.
“And can you give me that?” you asked, soft as the falling snow.
Words seemed to fail the boy in front of you.
“Everything?” you prompted.
“If… if you’d let me,” he said. Voice low but steady. Gaze on you, even while his hands shook.
You almost wanted to laugh at the whole beautiful scene. At the snow and the moonlight. At the grumpy boy who’d found you and talked to you in ways no one ever had before. At the absurdity of it all. At how his thumb traced over your knuckles like he was checking you were real.
“If I say yes, it means we fuck in real beds from now on. Okay?”
In disbelief Theo laughed. He pulled you closer. He let his forehead fall to yours. He thought, how did I get so fucking lucky.
“If you say yes we can fuck wherever you want.”
You wrapped your cold hands up in his curls. Kissed one rosy cheek, then the other. His birthmark.
“I have a condition too,” he murmured.
Barely pulling away enough to hum you let him take your face in his big hands.
“Don’t ever fucking call me Theodore again.”
You laughed as he kissed you, snowflakes melting on your lips.
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taglist from pt1
@b00kdiary @peony-haze @hisparentsgallerryy @unclecrunkle @devotedlycrookeddonut
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sanctus-ingenium · 10 months
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we need to talk about Inprnt.com
Following a really good post with more screenshots and evidence by @dynasoar5 i'm going to talk about my own experiences with @inprnt and why I am about to put my shop on indefinite hiatus from Monday the 14th of August.
First of all I'll say that since starting my print shop last year it has been a significant help to me financially - I was able to not worry about affording car insurance or motor tax (together commonly over a thousand euro) when I bought my first car, for example. I am immeasurably grateful to anyone who chose to buy one and I treasure all the pictures I've been sent of my prints hanging up on people's walls. Right now they are displayed in a real (if small) art exhibition in my home town.
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(top right print is not from inprnt though)
They're great prints. Never had any complaints about them. But here's what's going on behind the scenes.
Earlier this year, around March or April, Inprnt sales started increasing in regularity. I'd made as much as $600 a week during previous sales when I made proper promo posts here, but with this increase in regularity, I felt that I couldn't make promo posts every single week. And then one day, I'm not sure when tbh, the sale just never ended. It just didn't stop having that "Ending soon! 15% off your order" banner at the top of the site. Right now it says "Final Hours: $5 Worldwide shipping and save up to 35% off your order!" and not even for a second do I believe in this final hours bullshit. It's been 'final hours' for weeks now. Months, even.
Why is this a problem? Well, how tf am I meant to make a promo post for a sale that is always "ending soon!!" and then never ends. One week it'll say "this weekend only!!" and then when the weekend is over, the sale banner just changes its wording and the sale doesn't end. I can't promo this, it makes me look like a liar and a skeevy salesman by association! It makes the site look like it's 1 week from crashing and burning, and the site owners are just scrabbling to suck as much money from artists as possible before they drown.
And they are sucking money from us. To peel back the curtain, Inprnt money can only be transferred to my paypal account 30 days after the sale is made, just in case the order is cancelled and refunded. This means I used to make one withdrawal every couple of months, when there was enough build-up of money to make it worthwhile. It also forbids withdrawing any sum under $50 btw. I would make a withdrawal request and then, after a 10 business day wait, it would reach my Paypal account.
Not anymore! The past few withdrawals have taken over a month to complete. They are straight up keeping my earnings from me for longer the agreed period. This was my last fulfilled withdrawal:
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Note the date.
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Almost two months.
And here is the latest withdrawal request that still has not been fulfilled.
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It's coming up on 1 month and if the pattern continues, it could literally be November or December by the time I fully clear all sales.
So what's going to happen to my print shop? Because my art is currently being exhibited with a QR code linking to the shop, I can't close the shop this week. Instead I will close it on Monday the 14th of August, next week. That means that on the 14th of September, I can withdraw all of the remaining money without having any left over. My account balance will go to 0 and stay there. Although I'll de-list my prints I will leave my account there, because at the end of the day I don't want to leave Inprnt. It still offers the best artist margins and as I'm now unemployed after graduating, the additional support is such a load off my mind. So this is a chance to wait and see - if they improve their services, I'll happily re-open.
It's a big deal to me because selling prints is sort of my ideal life as an artist. I never had the attention span or self-discipline for commission work and I found that it left me creatively stagnant. I always want to try new things, new concepts and ideas, and being able to think "yeah, people will like this as a print" while I experiment is honestly very reassuring. And I know that in going on hiatus, it'll break a lot of "buy a print" links in my circulating posts. Oh well lmao. If you want to buy a print right now - go ahead, it might be your last opportunity. Another way to support me would be to check out my ko-fi for once-off donations or some nice sketchbooks/comics/book samples you can buy, or subscribing to my Patreon.
As of right now, Inprnt owes me $381 (the unfulfilled request submitted above for $186.60 and my current standing balance of $194.80 which takes 30 days from each transaction to clear).
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dalliancekay · 3 months
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Aziraphale does NOT need to suffer MORE
Can't believe I have to say this. TW: grief, mourning, death (sorry) I have, since falling into the fandom 6 months ago to escape real life, seen many takes on how Aziraphale needs to suffer in S3 to match Crowley's suffering. Mainly as the counterpart to the moment Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale as he's looking for him desperately in the burning bookshop.
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Then drinks, we suppose, to dull his pain, waiting for the Armageddon. Also, the way Crowley suffers at the bandstand argument, the 'I Forgive You' moments, which many people find utterly devastating and incredibly heartless from Aziraphale. Not to mention when he doesn't react in the 'right way' to Crowley's confession in the Final 15. And then on top of that, 'abandons' Crowley. Oh and also for, and I quote: "The smug and entitled way Aziraphale went around in S2 assuming Crowley would love and follow him everywhere." And for all this pain that Crowley endured for him, Aziraphale should suffer in S3, to I assume, even out the scores. Some people want to see him lose it, show his emotions, to cry or beg or otherwise show how much he misses Crowley and how very sorry he is for what he's done.
Now for the TW grief content I motioned above. You can skip to the next sentence in bold.
WE ALL SUFFER DIFFERENTLY I was on holiday late September last year, visiting my mum, stepfather and my two younger brothers. We went to a cousin's wedding. It was great. The day after, as I was hanging out reading a book my mum got a call. The kind of call every mother fears. My youngest brother (he was 27) died in an accident. We needed to speak to police and the coroner. She cried and cried. She's still crying. She asks questions. She gets no answers. I did not cry. I talked to the police. I googled a funeral home. I bought my brother his last set of clothes. He lived in a hoodie and torn black jeans. Mum wanted a suit. But he died in the one he bought for the wedding. I texted a lot of people. I bought snacks for the many friends who came to the funeral and wanted to speak to us after. My grief feels like a vice. I am not sad. I do not appear sad. Contrary to what people expect. But I am ANGRY. I am furious. But nobody can see this. I am not fine and I wish no one would ever* ask how I was again. TW/Personal content over. Since I was small (because I am weird like that) I genuinely wondered if, finding myself in danger, I could scream like people in films do. I don't think I could. I cope with hard situations, fear and stress and anxiety by shutting down, sometimes by retreating too, by furiously trying to find a way out. And I think Aziraphale does the same. And that's why I love him so much. And why I feel get him and understand that people sometimes can't tell how much he's actually feeling. I also express love the way Aziraphale does - by organising things for people I love, inviting them places, making plans. When Crowley said you call me for three things (and it's basically any old reason) I felt SO SEEN. This is what I would do with a friend who I know is feeling unmoored, sad, stuck. I'd text them with any old thing. I'd never actually say I love you, how can I help though, I would try to get them to talk, meet me, go somewhere. Aziraphale does not express emotions the same way as Crowley.
But his emotions are valid nonetheless. He is worried for Crowley from around 3 minutes into their acquaintanceship. And he NEVER stops worrying.
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And are we quite sure he has never lost Crowley?
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How many times did Aziraphale's heart freeze in horror when he realised Hell has taken Crowley and he had no idea if he'll ever come back and what is happening to him?
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How did Aziraphale spent the night after vanquishing the demons and starting a war? He had no idea where Crowley was. He was probably sick with worry that Hell just took him away. We didn't see him drink, but surely, the worry must have been overwhelming. The wait for what will happen.
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ALL his worries over the Arrangement. Was he worried for himself? Do we really think that?
Crowley thought he lost Aziraphale in S1, yes, we saw that. And what happened to the angel then?
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He got blown into atoms which I bet wasn't pleasant and when he arrives in Heaven he limps. Why is he hurt? Why is he quickly pretending he isn't? Why is he always hiding how he feels? Also, he immediately deserts, wants no part in the Holy War and quickly finds an extremely unconventional way to get back. It's not a grand gesture, he doesn't deliberate, doesn't worry that he will Fall (although surely that must have been what he thought), there's no pomp around it, he thinks it and then does it. No hesitation.
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Is this coming from an angel who just can't leave Heaven behind and longs to be a part of it? Who loves to follow rules? And let's not forget in those moments Aziraphale thought Crowley was most likely gone. That he probably left for Alpha Centauri. Last he heard from him he was told he was talking to an old friend and had no time for him. Why we NEVER talk about how that might have felt for Aziraphale?
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Things are not as simple as Aziraphale has been supressing his emotions and lying to himself about how he feels and he should get over it and become free. That's not how this works. He was suppressing his emotions OUT OF LOVE. His main goal was always to keep Crowley safe. They simply couldn't run away or hoodwink Heaven and Hell. They had nowhere to go. They had no hope and yet they kept loving each other. That's courage. I know we all grew up with Romeo and Juliet and Heathcliff and Cathy and we FORGOT that those were CAUTIONARY tales. And this is not what Aziraphale wants for them. He would never allow himself to go so fast he would hurt Crowley. He feels guilty enough for agreeing to the Arrangement and for meeting Crowley at all when he knows they can be discovered and punished at any point. And Crowley knows it and RESPECTS it. He does not tolerate Aziraphale's decision to not go on a date and to hell with circumstances. He understands Aziraphale's reasoning and he respects Aziraphale's decision. Don't forget, they have NO POWER. They can't change Heaven and Hell. They can't stop believing in God and work on their religious trauma. Their Heaven and Hell are real places with real power and they BELONG to them. Aziraphale's trauma and his personality are deeply intertwined and he'd probably never be the kind of person who is open in showing their grief or stress. He will learn to be more open, I' sure. With his love especially, we see him reaching for and touching his demon in S2. Openly being with him, looking at him without guarding himself. They got a little bit of freedom for themselves despite ALL odds. So. Just because Aziraphale is not crying and screaming and I dunno, tearing his hair out or whatever some people would have him do, does not mean he isn't overflowing with pain, fear, uncertainty, doubts, worries, and so much anxiety that if he let it all out, half of the solar system would turn to ashes.
Aziraphale does not need to suffer in S3 to level out Crowley's suffering. They are, unfortunately, equal in their pain as they are in love. If there is one thing Crowley would never abide, it'd be this take from the fandom. * One more note on grief: (obviously from my personal experience) As initiated by @anthony-crowleys-left-nut in a comment
It's not that I mind to know people care and worry etc, but asking how I am can only end in me lying (fine, thank you) and both of us knowing it's not really true and feeling awkward or not lying (I feel like shit, mostly cos I can't sleep and think the world is a stupid unfair place) and both of us feeling awkward anyway. Does that make sense? I wish I could tell friends/colleagues to ask what I've been up to or something similar instead. What I've been reading (um, AO3, but I'll make something up), watching, do I want to go see some spring flowers bloom (I do).
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babydollmarauders · 2 months
Text
WHO’S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME? — JACK HUGHES
jack hughes x fem!reader
summary: in which jack hughes should be afraid of what y/n can do to his reputation
notes: yeah, idk what this is either; there’s not much plot.
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september 16th, 2023
deuxmoi
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24,107 likes
deuxmoi pop sensation, y/n, is seen hands on with new boy toy?
if anyone has any information on who this man is, do come forward! we’d love to know who america’s queen of heartbreak anthems is with now!
view all 549 comments
user82 the hand placement?! HELLO?!
user3 oh great, new music where she makes herself some sad victim again
user55 a new love album next?! maybe?!
user09 let’s not get ahead of ourselves, it’s some low grade pap photos posted on a gossip blog. it could’ve been a first date for all we know
user45 @/user09 with the way they are in these pics? absolutely NOT a first date. y/n has famously said she doesn’t get “frisky” early on because of her ex. most definitely a bf
user92 oh her next song is gonna HIT
user06 that guy kinda looks…. where were these taken and when?
deuxmoi all the sender said was that they saw them in michigan last night! know something?
user06 hmm the tl matches! that looks like it could be @/jackhughes , a hockey player for the New Jersey Devils!
user98 OH MY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT!
user67 those hands?! girlie better never let him go!
september 27th, 2023
y/nofficial
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liked by sabrinacarpenter and 4,628,961 others
y/nofficial every dead end street led you straight to me 🤍
view all 7,923 comments
user72 SOFT LAUNCH OH MY GOD
user5 oh he’s got her using emojis?! she’s down BAD
user29 i’m so happy for her, she deserves so much love and happiness and it seems like he gives that to her 🫶
user6 MOTHER?!
user01 what poor boy did she sink her claws into this time?
user9 if you don’t like her, why are you on her post? obsessed much?
sabrinacarpenter he scored 😉
y/nofficial sab!! nah, i think i did!
user92 he better be treating her damn good! it’s what she deserves after ‘he who shall not be named’!
user76 i know who you meant but also started giggling at the idea of her writing an album about voldemort 😭
y/nofficial @/user76 gasp! don’t you know who lover is about?! the dark lord and i just couldn’t make it work :(
october 10th, 2023
jackhughes
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liked by y/nofficial, nicohischier, and 815,736 others
jackhughes as a wise woman once said: “i was enchanted to meet you”
tagged y/nofficial
view all 2,865 comments
y/nofficial my sweet boy 🤍
jackhughes my pretty girl
user76 A HARD LAUNCH
user94 THEY’RE SO SICKENINGLY CUTE 😭 SHE DESERVES THIS
user36 JACK IS DATING Y/N?! OH THE SONGS THAT WILL COME OUT OF THIS
user8 he could do so much better
lhughes_06 about damn time
trevorzegras JACK WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE JOKING
user02 oh they’re so cute 🥹
dawson1417 did you just… hard launch with the biggest singer in america rn?
jackhughes y/n says “what? like it’s hard?” idk what that means
user16 can we talk about how happy she looks?! and i know her hockey loving self is giggling and kicking her feet over her landing a hockey player! too cute!!
john.marino97 if her next RED-like album is about you, i’m requesting a trade. can’t believe i’m gonna have to listen to songs about YOU
january 1st, 2024
y/nofficial
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liked by jackhughes and 5,827,025 others
y/nofficial thank you 2023, you brought so much love and laughter 🤍 can’t wait to see what 2024 brings!
tagged jackhughes
view all 7,503 comments
user86 oh she’s so down bad she was taking pics of him at his game 😭
user9 one tour pic and three pics regarding to jack? she’s so in love
jackhughes here’s to another year with you, my talented girl
y/nofficial i can’t wait for another year with you, my love 🤍
user55 i can’t wait to see you in KC this year!!
user7 she’s truly living her best life and i’m obsessed!!
user21 i hope 2024 is just as good to you as 2023 was!
january 26th, 2024
deuxmoi
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36,592 likes
deuxmoi fan submission: trouble in paradise?
pop sensation, y/n, and her boyfriend, hockey player Jack Hughes, were seen out by a fan last night. the fan claims that they overheard y/n consoling Jack about his recent injury that has left him unable to play. in the video (on our site), you can hear y/n telling Jack “i know not playing is hard, i know it’s sad-”. Jack is heard cutting her off and snapping “you don’t get to tell me about sad. you don’t get it, so stop acting like you do.”according to the fan, y/n left the date alone and in tears.
what do you guys think, is this couple over?
view all 1,251 comments
user29 wow what an asshole, she was just trying to be comforting
user4 wtf?
user07 yeah, can’t say i didn’t expect them to end soon enough
user99 she was trying to comfort him and he snapped at her? yeah, i’d hope they’re over
user20 she deserves better
user19 it’s just an argument, everyone is being so overdramatic
user3 do i think they’re over? no. if we know anything about y/n, it’s that she’s forgiving, sometimes to a fault.
user67 i don’t think they’re broken up but if she was leaving alone and crying, i hope they will be soon enough
user82 has anyone thought that maybe he didn’t need comforting?
user13 umm, obviously he did if he snapped at her
user98 idk about everyone else, but i do think they’re broken up if she left alone and was visibly upset
user23 oh i can’t wait to hear what she writes about him. i’ve known he seemed too good to be true
february 14th, 2024
y/nofficial
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liked by oliviarodrigo and 7,431,846 others
y/nofficial happy valentines to my favorite boy 🤍
the most kind-hearted, respectful, and loving man i’ve ever had the pleasure of being able to call mine. nobody is perfect, but i think you’re pretty close to it. i’m so eternally grateful to have you in my life 🤍
tagged jackhughes
view all 278 comments
user6 oh, she’s still with him
user02 y/n, baby, please come to your senses
user14 i don’t like him at all after last month
jackhughes happy valentines, beautiful girl ❤️
user65 “nobody is perfect” oh, mother is telling us rn
comments on this post are now limited
march 23rd, 2024
deuxmoi
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29,783 likes
deuxmoi looks like y/n and her hockey beau have called it quits! eagle eyed fans spotted last night that they’ve unfollowed each other on instagram and y/n deleted all photos of him.
previously, y/n ONLY followed jack, now she’s back down to 0, which fans seem to read as a finality to their relationship.
view all 1,736 comments
user95 about time! after that spat in january, i feel like everyone was waiting for this
user72 EVERYONE MOVE! EVERYONE REJOICE! MOTHER IS FREE!
user24 GOOD RIDDANCE!!
user61 can’t wait to hear who the catalyst was, him or her?
user3 obviously she’ll make herself out to be the victim
user61 @/user3 tell me you’ve never actually listened to y/n without telling me you’ve never actually listened to y/n 🙄 she doesn’t shy away from admitting if she was the one who ruined a relationship, she admits she has problems and that sometimes she gets in her own head
user8 it was obviously him after that video in january
user23 everyone is celebrating but have we stopped for a second to realize that she’s probably really heart broken right now?
user70 fr! like, she seemed so in love with him and i feel so bad for her. she seemed to love him a lot more than her exes and we all know she’s a hopeless romantic at heart, so she was probably imagining marriage and babies with him and then he showed his true colors
april 1st, 2024
y/nofficial
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liked by tatemcrae and 14,698,276 others
y/nofficial there’s always a fool, but i guess all’s fair in love and poetry… new album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. out May 14 🩶
but surprise! the first and only single, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? comes out April 19 🩶
view all 3,279 comments
user18 MOTHER DOES NOT PLAY!!! AHHH
user63 may 14th 💀 she said “i’m not fucking around, y’all WILL know who this is about.”
user9 significance of may 14th?
user63 @/user9 it’s jack’s birthday 💀
user00 OH SHE MUST REALLY HAVE SOME SHIT TO SAY IF SHE’S ACTUALLY DROPPING A SINGLE BEFORE THE ALBUM
user78 i wonder if jack feels stupid yet
user12 new y/n album before GTA6
user93 the vibes??? mother didn’t write an album, she wrote a EULOGY
april 19th, 2024
y/nofficial
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liked by john.marino97 and 9,726,820 others
y/nofficial at this hearing, i stand before my fellow members of The Tortured Poets Department with a summary of my findings.
Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? out now.
view all 2,738 comments
user72 i’m speechless
user2 “you don’t get to tell me about sad” SHE REALLY FUCKING DID THAT
user33 I AM IN SHOCK!
user94 MOTHER CALLED HIM OUT
user78 once again i ask, @/jackhughes do you feel stupid yet?
user61 dude just got surgery and she still came for his neck 😭
user09 i mean, not like she was gonna change the release date just because of that but it’s still so 😭
user22 “the scandal was contained….. at all costs keep your good name” she really spoke on the january spat, didn’t she?
user12 “WHO’S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?”
user77 @/jackhughes you should be
john.marino97 🩶🩶
user82 oh he’s MESSY! i love it 💀
user50 tbh, i look at this single like a warning. it sounds like jack didn’t think it through before he broke her heart and didn’t think she would speak on him, but she’s warning him right now that he should be scared because she has a lot to say about him and their relationship
user31 she’s so— i love her
february 8th, 2025
y/nofficial posted on their story
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february 10th, 2025
y/nofficial
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liked by john.marino97 and 11,762,936 others
y/nofficial brand new, full throttle <3
view all 3,627 comments
user93 i- did she just inadvertently tell us we’ve all been wrong about who So High School is about?
user77 this is the fastest she’s ever gotten into a new relationship and you know that means she has to be in LOVE
user04 AHHHHH Y/N AND JOHN MARINO
user82 how do you know it’s him? she didn’t even tag anyone and you can’t see his face
user04 @/user82 she posted john on her story a couple days ago! they’re on vacation together while he’s on bye-week!
user23 i don’t wanna get ahead of myself but,,, they met through jack, did they not? and now they’re dating? mother is messy
user51 is it messy? yeah, maybe- but people have already looked back through old interviews of his, and she’s been his celeb crush for a WHILE now. and i mean, hey, she’s dating someone only a couple years older than her now, one can only assume he’s more mature than j*ck
user92 the way she clings onto him 🥹
user88 she deserves happiness, i really hope he gives that to her 🫶
john.marino97 i knew what i wanted and i got her ♥️
617 notes · View notes
chastiefoul · 9 months
Text
valentines gone wrong ft. childe, scara, and neuvilette
a/n: yes. you read that right valentines work on september!! this is just something random i wanna write one day when i'm lying down and ofc i can't wait until february next year (also how is it alr almost 2 months since i posted something???) tags: just fluff, light-read, and everything in-between, modern au (?) just don't think too much abt it hehe - summary: it's valentines and of course you have plans to give sweets to your lover. however because one thing and another, you had to entrust it to someone else in hope it will be handed safely to them. what happened when it didn't?
childe
you went home excited, anticipating his reaction to your handmade sweets, however what greets you at the door was a sulky childe, who avoided eye contact as if his life depended on it as he limits himself to a a sentence everytime you ask him something.
“something happened today, babe?” you asked him worriedly, the chocolate was the back of your mind seeing the state of your boyfriend in. “oh something definitely should have happened,” he quipped, his lower mouth sticking out slightly. “that sounds like a dig at me, did i forgot something?” you asked as you follow his gaze to what he thought must be the most interesting flower vase ever. he shrugged, refusing to give you more.
frustrated by his rejection to tell you what’s wrong, you held his face with both of your palm, turning his face to yours. although the move met no resistance, childe still refused to look at you in the eyes and only now his childish grumbles turned into such a sad expression.
“baby? please tell me what i did,” you were gentle with it, rubbing your thumb below his eyes. “...late.”
“what?”
“chocolate. where’s mine? i saw you gave your friends one so i don’t think im crazy to expect one too, especially as your boyfriend.” he pouted and you swore it looked so adorable and so out-of-character of him that you wanted to kiss him—wait.
“huh? but i did give you one!” you claimed, confusion rose inside you. “huh? but i didn’t get it...” childe’s face matched your expression. “well technically i gave it to scara to give it to you.. did he not... give it to you?”
“i wouldn’t be this insufferable if i got one, you know that, but no he didn’t say anything—and also really babe? scara? the guy who hates and made fun of me every chance he got?” he crossed his arm, raising an eyebrow, as he questioned your questionable decision-making. “hey give me a break, i was in a rush there thinking i couldn’t give you the chocolate in time. and he made me say please three times before he said he would consider doing it-oh i see how i was wrong there.” your line of ramble humbled you, the silence was loud.
“maybe he just put it in your bag or something?” you offered. “you really think he’s someone who’d do that?” he asked. “in desperate times i’d give even scara the benefit of the doubt,” you stated, opening childe’s bag. and there it was, put nicely at the very top, your chocolate for your lover.
you smiled, for all the shit-talk scara gave everyone on a daily basis you knew you could count on him. “see? i knew he’s actually a big softie for stuff like this.”
childe practically runs to your side. “my chocolate? aw babe so you really didn’t forget me!” he peppered kisses all over your face, then clasping the sweet to his chest like it’s a new-born baby. “of course i’d never. but maybe next year i’ll just give it directly to you.”
“yeah? please do, today’s event just wasn’t great for my heart.”
neuvilette
“welcome home, dear.” you greeted him cheerily as he just arrived home. it was quite late, and you had entrust the chocolate you were supposed to give to him at a reasonable hour so he could enjoy it instead of giving it to him at home.
he kissed your temple in return, a smile you’re still head over heels for on his lips. but it doesnt quite reach his eyes. 
“what’s wrong?” you asked carefully. “nothing is wrong,” he replied, somehow looking nervous. “yet it’s strange for you to be looking so fidgety. tell me?”
“well,” he paused a little, stroking your hair as he pondered the best way to approach the sentence he’s about to say. “i saw you today giving chocolates to navia and wriothesley.. i couldn’t talk to you because i was in a rush to deal with an urgent case,” he said, not looking at you on the eyes. “oh, did that bother you? it’s just they’re such good friends of mine and it’s only friendship cookies-“
“no, dear of course not. i know you’re a loving person who always appreciate those around you, it’s just..”
“just?”
neuvilette looked like he didn’t hear the rest of the words after that you did make some for the white-haired male. a smile bloomed on his face as he shook his head. “no problem i will ask them about it tomorrow. i’m just delighted you kept me in your thoughts.” a gentle expression was loyal on his features. “well of course neuvillete, you hardly ever leave my thoughts, don’t you know?” he chuckled. “i’m familiar with that you see, considering you never leave mine as well.”
the next sentence was almost audible as he spoke. “do i not get one..?” he asked ever so softly sounding a little sad, his calloused hand ran across your arm, tracing along your vein as it touched your fingers and you're sure there's something wrong in your head because all you could think about that second was how adorable the usual charismatic man was being. yet you held your smile.
“of course you do! did it not reach you? i asked the guard in front of your door because i afraid i’d bother you at work hours. sorry neuvilette, i promised i made some for you, and i was so proud of it too...”
scara
“no i’m not.” he said, with the worst frown you’ve seen on him for a while and that’s saying a lot.
“you’re definitely sulking,” you said. “shut up,” he grumbled. “hey i was supposed to be one who’s doing the sulking. we’re nearing the end of the day and you haven’t even mentioned about the chocolate i gave you today!” you retorted out of frustration but most of all confusion because you had no idea what made your lover fall into such a bad mood.
“what.”
“what?”
“say that again,” scara said, “that i gave you chocolate?” you asked. “no you didn’t, you liar!” he complained, his frown deepened if that’s even possible. “wait what? i swear i asked childe to give it to you earlier today! i was ambushed by customers today at the shop so i was scared i couldn’t give it to you on time so i asked him. did it not get to you?” you explained.
“i came home empty-handed didn’t i? also really, that dense fool?” his displeasure was obvious upon the new information you couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. “don’t look so disgusted, he’s not that bad.”
“sure, although you know what’s bad? that i don’t have my chocolates right now.” he crossed his arm, fuming almost looking like a child who got their toys taken. “alright enough of your pouting. we’ll interogate him later. for now, i seem to have leftover ingredients, i’ll make you a new one.” you approached him, combing through the back of his hair as you planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. he replied by pulling you closer as he nuzzled into your neck. “it better be good,” he mumbled.
at the end you didn’t even make it to 5 minutes before scara followed you to the kitchen, insisting that he made it together too because he was ‘watching over you so you don’t mess up’ but personally i think he just felt bad because you need to make a new one and wanted to help you any way he can. that’s something he’d never admit even if there’s a gun pointing at his head, though.
2K notes · View notes
dreamescapeswriting · 9 months
Text
Stray Kids Reaction || You're Pregnant [Mafia Edition]
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⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - September 2023
⤜MASTERLIST
Fem!Reader
CHAN:
You struggled against the cable ties that were wrapped around your wrists and bit down on your lip as you thought back to your morning with Chan. The two of you had gotten into an argument over babies, you were ready to have one and he told you it wasn't the time yet...but it was too late for that since you already knew you were pregnant. It had been an accident, a happy accident for you at least and you'd been trying to get an idea about what Chan could possibly think about it all when it turned into a huge argument. You'd stormed out and now you were sitting trapped inside of a jewellery store being held hostage while two idiots decided that they were going to try and rob the place. The silent alarm had been sounded judging by the amount of cop cars outside but you knew that they weren't exactly great at their job and you desperately wanted Chan here.
"What are you doing? They'll catch you," Kat hissed out as you continued to wriggle your hands around in the cable ties, slipping one hand free and smirking at her,
"Just shut up and tell me if they're coming," You mumbled at her carefully sliding the phone from your pocket and dialling Chan's number, You didn't even need to speak you just needed him to pick up the phone.
"AYE! We got a free one!" A voice cried out, within seconds you were dragged onto your feet and you kicked your phone to Kat who was quick to hide it.
"You just made yourself the token hostage, baby, you're going to be famous." The slimeball who was holding you whispered in your ear, biting down on your earlobe as you resisted the urge to fight back against him. Fighting someone who had a gun, as well as four friends with guns probably wasn't the best idea in the world.
"Open the doors, I want everyone to see us." He ordered two of his men before dragging you to the main entrance, a gun pressed against your temple as you did your best not to cry. 
"We want a clear passage out of here, no cops, we also want 50,000 in cash that's not inked or traceable!" He boomed, your eyes finding a camera as you stared into it. If Chan was watching he would come for you, he'd come and save you and everyone else inside.
"If I do not get what we asked for in the next hour, I'll start taking them out one by one, starting with this one." He yelled before dragging you back inside and throwing you down onto the floor beside Kat.
"He answered, he heard...These bastards won't know what hit them," Kat told you before you nodded weakly, hoping Chan had a plan to save everyone inside of this store.
[X]
"It's been 56 minutes, If they were going to give us what we wanted they would have done it by now," JP - one of the robbers said, They'd all begun to take off their masks clearly no longer bothered showing their names or faces anymore. 
"Then we'll show them I meant business," Lawson said as he pulled you up by your wrist, pushing you toward the door while you begged for him not to do this but before you could reach the doors they opened and Chan stood there.
"What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?" Lawson quizzed, his gun now pointed at your head as Chan looked at you,
"You okay baby? I came as soon as I could," He was far too calm about this and you didn't know if that scared you or excited you because it was easy to underestimate the men holding you hostage right now.
"I asked you a question!"Lawson screamed out making you flinch when you heard him cock the gun back,
"I suggest you let go of my wife, or you'll be down one man at a time,"
"Yeah like-" The shot rang out before Lawson could finish his sentence and people screamed as JP hit the ground.
"You have two seconds to let everyone go before I take you out as well," Chan suggested, still far too calm for your liking. 
"I don't answer to you!" He boomed before another shot rang out and you already knew Felix was somewhere doing these long-distance shots, there was no one else Chan would trust with it. Lawson's grip on you only tightened though,
"You have no one left," Chan moved closer to you and your eyes watered as you felt the gun slowly dropping toward your stomach.
"You took everything from me, so it's only fair I take her," Lawson growled out,
"HE CAN'T SHE'S PREGNANT!" Kat screamed out, it was enough time for a shot to ring out and hit Lawson in the shoulder, you scrambled away from him and over to Kat as Chan stared at you both in utter confusion. Cops rushed in taking Lawson while you stared at your husband, 
"Surprise?" You stuttered out as he held onto your waist, he'd always wanted kids but was it even time? You were still in danger, anything could have happened to you.
"We need to get you somewhere safe, somewhere no one can hurt you or our baby," You stared at him as you nodded,
"Sure, but...aren't you mad? Excited? Anything?" You were terrified this was going to ruin everything between you, it wasn't how you wanted to tell him you were pregnant but here you were.
"Of course I'm excited...Starting a family with you?!" His eyes were starting to tear up and he whimpered a little,
"But we need to figure things out, more protection, everything...Let's go home," He told you, wrapping you in his arms as you cuddled into him a little.
MINHO:
Ever since Minho had found out that you were pregnant he had been going above and beyond for you and your unborn child. The two of you attended every single scan together, as well as every class...Every...Class. Any class that was available it appeared as though Minho was right there signing you up for it and you couldn't get away from them all.
"What is this?" You questioned, staring down at the one-eyed baby doll that was screaming loudly like someone had dropped it in front of you while your husband smiled proudly. The baby was still continuing to scream out as its one eye opened and shut every now and again, it was starting to freak you out a little.
"They're like little robots, We take care of them during this lesson to see what kind of parents we'll be and then at the end, they'll tell us what we can improve on." You blinked at your husband, when he took you out of the house today it was with a promise of mint chocolate chip ice cream, something you'd been craving desperately all morning long.
"I was promised ice cream," You reminded him of what he'd told you that you'd come out of the house for. It was the only reason you were dressed in dirty sweatpants and a shirt covered in stains because you were told Ice cream and home.
"After the lesson, we need this." He told you with a slight stutter to his voice.
"Do you think I'm going to be a bad mum? Is that why you keep bringing me to lessons?" You whimpered a little, tears rolling down your cheeks as you realised what all of this was about. It was the only explanation for all of the classes he'd been signing you up for, he thought you were going to be a bad mum.
"No! No...No baby," He put both his hands on your shoulders trying to make you look at him but you refused to, instead, you chose to move away from the table and whine at him. 
"Clearly you think that. That's why you're so insistent on every class you see," You sniffled, using the sleeves of your shirt to wipe your cheeks before Minho let out a low sigh.
"It's not you that I think is going to be a bad parent." And that was when it hit you. All of the classes had mostly male parents that were in attendance and you remembered one of them asking Minho why he was there and Minho had been really shady about it.
"Minnie..." You cooed out, running your hand over his cheek in a soothing manner.
"You're going to be a fantastic father," You whispered but he scoffed at you.
"I'll barely be home and when I am, what if I do something wrong? What if I don't know the temperature I need the bath water at? What if they grow up and hate me." Tears were now dripping down his face and you smiled a little to see your tough husband showing his vulnerable side.
"First of all, they could never hate you and secondly baby, you can't get it wrong but if you get confused I am right there to help," You told him as he nodded at you, slowly looking you in the eyes.
"Let's go get ice cream and go home?" you suggested before he nodded once again taking your hand in his and heading out of the room.
CHANGBIN:
You'd known that you were pregnant for a while but you'd been doing everything within your power to hide it from your husband which was getting consistently harder to do. It wasn't that you didn't want him to know but you already knew what was going to happen as soon as he found out. You could kiss your freedom goodbye, there was no way you were going to be able to go out shopping with your friends anymore, Changbin was going to turn into that overprotective man and as much as you loved him, you wanted your freedom as well.
"I'm calling the doctor," He told you as he watched you from the bathroom door, you were hunched over the toilet bowl throwing up and it was starting to worry your husband. For the last four days, you'd been throwing up and it was starting to scare him but whenever he asked you about it you told him that it was nothing. 
"I'm fine," You groaned, flushing the toilet and sitting up straight leaning against the bathtub and looking at your husband who was looking a little pale. 
"You're being sick a lot, you can't be fine." He knelt down on the floor in front of you, reaching for the bottle of water and handing it to you. You could tell how much this was worrying him and you let out a small sigh, it was obvious that you were going to have to tell him the truth.
"I'll be fine because I know what's wrong with me," You mumbled, using the edge of the bath to help yourself stand up and move out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where you could sit down and talk.
"You're scaring me," He admitted once you sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand into yours, You squeezed it softly while looking up at him.
"Binnie, I have to be honest with you." You swallowed the lump that was in your throat and tried to think of the best way to tell him this. You knew he would be excited about it but maybe a little angry that you'd kept it a secret for two months now.
"I'm pregnant." You said it quickly enough that Changbin was almost sure he hadn't heard you correctly, his eyes staring into your face.
"What?" He stuttered a little, he'd been wanting to have a baby for a long time, The two of you had been trying for a very long time and he was worried it was something wrong with him that you weren't able to conceive.
"I'm two months pregnant and I didn't tell you because I was scared if I did you weren't going to let me leave the house," He stared at you still in a complete state of shock as he thought about what you'd just said to him.
"Babe...Say something, please?" You begged as he nodded his head a little acknowledging that he'd heard what you said but that he was still processing everything.
"A baby? Our little baby?" He ran his hand over to your stomach, your bump wasn't even there yet but you smiled placing your hand on top of his on your stomach.
"Our baby. You're not mad at me, for hiding it?"He shook his head at you quickly kissing your temple
"I could never be mad at you, but you are right about one thing." He told you as he chuckled a little.
"You're not leaving the house without extra protection," You laughed a little and nodded your head. At least if there was more protection around you, you could still go out into the world. A few more bodyguards weren't going to hurt you.
HYUNJIN:
From the moment that Hyunjin found out about your pregnancy, it was like something switched inside of him. He'd turned into a slight control freak when it came to your safety and you'd suddenly been ripped away from your world.
"Are you going to let me out anytime soon?" You quizzed your husband as you stared at him, he'd just come home from a supply run and smiled at you.
"Once our son or daughter is born, yes." You sighed at him, you knew he was just doing this to protect you but you were going insane. Seven months of the same walls and you were beginning to question your sanity at this point.
"Hyunjin...I'm going to go crazy if you keep me locked up." You wanted him to realise how bad it was for you to be trapped here for so long. He'd hidden you from everyone, only those who NEEDED to know about the pregnancy did, your family, some of the staff in the house and your guards. Other than that it was hidden from the world, Hyunjin didn't want to risk someone trying to hurt him or his child.
"You get to go out." He reminded you as you stared at him. Going to your scans and classes didn't exactly give you the kind of freedom you were after. You missed going shopping for yourself, going out and doing things during the day instead you were stuck inside.
"To appointments and then it's back here. I miss the outdoors," You mumbled at him, looking at the painting supplies he'd just bought back for you. Ever since you'd been locked inside of the house you'd found more and more time to paint out your feelings and you'd eventually run out of paint. 
"I'm seven months pregnant, please, I need fresh air." You begged with him but he stared at you, nothing was going to change his mind on this.
"You have the back garden." He grumbled, sitting on the sofa as you stared down at him, Maybe it was the hormones making you extra crabby today but you weren't in the mood for his games.
"I could kill you in your sleep." You reminded him as he smirked up at you,
"Cute, but we both know you wouldn't. You love me too much," He winked at you but you continued to glare at him, folding your arms across your chest and shaking your head.
"Not if you don't let me go out. I'll leave you."
"Yn." He said in a warning tone, putting down the book he'd picked up but you shook your head at him, if that was what it was going to take for him to take you seriously then so be it.
"Seriously, Hyunjin. I need to get out. I need to get away, just somewhere please." It was beneath you to beg your husband for something and his heart shattered a little.
"I'll organise something," He told you with a small smile on his face, he was sure he could take you to the beach house for a few days without someone seeing.
"More than an hour." You warned him and he smirked at you.
"How does three nights sound? At the beach house, just us..." You screamed before practically throwing yourself on your husband's lap and pampering his face with kisses.
JISUNG:
"You look bored," Jisung whispered in your ear, the two of you were attending Jeongin's wives' event tonight and you were a little bored, to say the least. Everyone else was drinking and having fun while you were drinking orange juice or water trying not to seem suspicious about it. You'd known you were pregnant for about six weeks now and it was getting harder and harder to hide it from your husband. Just last week he'd been trying to get you to have some sushi as well as trying to take you to a new deli that was opening and you'd done everything you could to get out of it.
"You're not drinking, that's why." He chuckled before handing you a glass of champagne and waiting for you to drink from it but you just stared at it.
"I can't," You lied putting it down onto the table in front of you and smiling warmly at him. You hoped he'd drop the subject, the last thing you wanted was to announce your pregnancy at a party, No, you wanted to do it privately with him. You'd even ordered some items to help you tell him that you were pregnant, you were going to put a small bag together with baby growth inside as well as a mug that read "best daddy ever" on it so he could take it to work with him.
"Why? Are you sick again?" Concern seeped through his voice as he placed his own glass down and held onto your hands. He'd heard you throwing up the other week and ever since he'd been calling every day to check up on you and make sure you were okay.
"No, I'm fine. I'm just not in the mood for it," You smiled trying to seem as convincing as possible but it was clear your husband wasn't going to drop the subject.
"I'm going to use the little girl's room." You told him, placing your hand on his shoulder as you slowly got up and left him alone with his thoughts. You were sick, refusing alcohol and even some foods and that was when it hit him. 
"Oh my god," He hissed out, rushing after you as he tried to follow you into the toilets.
[x]
"Jisung!" You cried out as he shoved out the last remaining women that were inside the hotel bathrooms with you. There was a guard manning the door on the outside to make sure no one else came in while he spoke to you.
"You're pregnant!" Your eyes widened as you stared at him. How did he even know? You'd done everything within your power to make sure no one else knew except for you.
"Jisung?"
"It makes sense, you wouldn't eat certain foods, you keep peeing more frequently, you won't drink and you've been sick." You hated him in that moment, you hated that he found out and this was how he was talking to you about it.
"You weren't supposed to find out this way." You pouted out your bottom lip and he chuckled bringing you into a tight hug.
"How would you have told me?" He quizzed, and you stared up at him before explaining the details of your plan.
FELIX:
You hadn't been trying for a baby which was why it was surprising to you when you suddenly found out that you were expecting your first child with Felix. You hadn't told him yet, you were waiting for the right time but you'd been buying some things for your son or daughter and keeping them locked in the spare bedroom. You'd bought lots of shoes and clothes whenever you were out and saw something you wanted.
"What are you doing?" Felix questioned as he walked into the spare bedroom to find you crying on the floor over a box of stuff. You'd been acting weird for weeks now and he was starting to worry that you were going to leave him. You were quick to shut the box and wipe your eyes,
"Nothing, I was just looking at old photos." You lied and Felix could already tell you were lying to him, he'd been with you long enough now to know when you were lying to him.
"Are you packing things up to leave me?" You stared at him and frowned,
"What?" Leave him? Why would you ever leave him? The man was the love of your life, the two of you would fight and bicker but that was like every couple.
"You've been acting weird for weeks...I-If you want to leave, I won't stop you but...But please, tell me what I can do to make things better." He knelt down beside you and you stared at him, whimpering a little at the thought of him thinking you could ever leave.
"Lix, I could never leave you." You whispered, placing your hand on his cheek making him look at you with a saddened expression on his face.
"Then...Why are you being so secretive and weird?" You shifted away from him a little and pushed the box between you, you were going to have to tell him sooner or later and since you didn't know how to begin you figured this was the best way.
"I'm pregnant and I didn't know how to tell you." You explained as he slowly lifted the box open and his eyes landed on everything you had inside. There were so many pieces of clothes and shoes, the box was too full now and you'd been crying over it which seemed silly looking at it now.
"We're going to have a baby?" Felix couldn't hide the excitement in his voice as he turned to look at you, his eyes filled with so much joy.
"Y-Yeah and I know we weren't trying but this is a good thing...We're going to have a family," You sniffled as the tears began to stream down your face once again, this time Felix wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to sit on his lap.
"We're going to have a baby," He breathed out, smiling brightly as he began to think of all the things you needed to do together to get ready for your little bundle of joy to be here.
SEUNGMIN:
"Mr and Mrs Kim, it's so lovely to see you." The car salesman said as you and Seungmin walked through the building. The two of you were on the hunt for a new car and you had both been extra picky with what you were looking for. It wasn't as though you had none back home but this was an anniversary gift, according to your husband at least. You didn't want to spend too much but it appeared as though he wanted to go above and beyond for you. 
"It's lovely to see you too, can we go and talk in your office?" Seungmin asked as one of the ladies who worked inside made her way over to you. Elsie, she'd been working here for years and you knew her thanks to your husband who liked to shop for cars.
"Here," She handed you a small mug of hot chocolate and you smiled, the two of you leaving the men to talk as you walked around all of the cars together.
"We got the new Mustang in, do you want to sit in it?" She giggled holding up the keys, your eyes lit up as you rushed with her to go and find it. You'd never really been into cars but you knew when one was pretty and you liked to see them but as you opened the door you let out a small groan. The smell of the leather seats made you feel sick instantly and you backed away from the door holding your hand over your nose,
"You doing okay?" Elsie questioned nervously, she knew the car was cleaned since she'd just finished cleaning it the night before.
"Yeah, just smells are getting to me a lot lately." You mumbled, shutting the car door not being able to stand the smell of the leather.
"Oh? Are your boobs a little sore...And does your back hurt?" You stared at her as she listed off everything you'd been feeling for the last few weeks and you nodded
"Yeah, I thought it was a bug so I've been trying to rest a lot." Elsie could see straight through it though, it wasn't just some bug or the flu you were clearly pregnant. 
"Oh gosh, no...Follow me," The two of you joined hands as you ran toward her office where she began rooting through the bottom of her drawer.
"Take this to the bathroom and I'll call Mr. Kim in for you." She placed the package in your hand before you had time to question her on it and you frowned glancing down at the blue package.
[X]
Two minutes were passing by slower and slower and you were beginning to freak out a little with how calm Seungmin was being about all of this.
"How can you be so calm?!" You freaked out, pacing around inside the bathroom as you waited for your timer to sound and let you know that the two of you could look. Seungmin was sitting on top of the bathroom counters watching you closely, the car dealership had shut down this bathroom so that the two of you could do this privately with one another.
"I want a baby," He shrugged, it had been his dream to have a family with you and now it was finally coming true. Sure, the two of you hadn't exactly been trying but it was obvious that if it was meant to be then it was going to be.
"I do too...B-But are we ready?"
"We'll have to be," He chuckled snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you to stand between his legs your breathing calming down almost instantly as you stared at him. Seungmin moved his hands to your face and cupped your cheeks,
"We're going to be amazing parents," He promised you as the timer sounded, both of you letting out a deep sigh before looking at the test. A smiley face displayed on the screen with the words "pregnant" making your heart race as you looked at him.
JEONGIN: 
"I want this place spotless!" You called out to the event hall of your hotel, everyone inside was rushing around at the last second to make sure everything was perfect for you. You placed your hand on your stomach and watched as one of your guards - Carlos - made his way over to you with some snacks,
"You're going to make it obvious," You mumbled to him as you took the crisps from him and started to eat from the packet. It seemed as though ever since you'd hit the 6-week mark of your pregnancy you'd been craving crisps or anything that was savoury and Carlos had been the man to help you. Mostly because he was the only other person who knew about it and he only knew because he found you crying in your office whilst holding the stick.
"I think it should be obvious. Too much stress isn't good for the baby and have you told Mr Yang yet?" Carlos was far too comfortable with you, you thought maybe it was time to switch him for another guard but you'd grown comfortable with him also and you enjoyed your talks together.
"No." You mumbled with a mouthful of crisps, shaking your head at him. All week long he'd been trying to get you to tell Jeongin about the pregnancy but you were nervous about it. You knew if he found out he was only going to stop you from working the event that your hotel was hosting and that was the last thing you wanted
"Don't you think you should?" He raised his brow at you but you mumbled what he said back to him in a mocking tone and walked toward your office. You opened the door and stared at Carlos with a weak smile,
"I'll tell him when the time is right after the event is over." You shrugged not realising that Jeongin was standing inside of your office and Carlos held back the smirk. He'd known about Jeongin coming to visit you and it was his intention to try to get him to overhear everything,
"Tell who what when the time is right?" You cringed as you heard Jeongin and you glared at Carlos.
"You're a betrayer and I hate you." You mumbled slamming the door in his face and making your way toward the chair behind your desk.
"Is there something I should know?"
"No. It's nothing, it's just Carlos worrying for nothing." You hated the fact that you were lying to your husband but you needed to make sure you worked this event. You'd been planning it for months now and you weren't going to let Jeongin or anyone else take it away from you.
"Is it about your pregnancy?" Your hand paused midway to your mouth and the crisps fell from your grasp,
"How-" Your heart sank as you thought about him finding out through someone else but you. The last thing you ever wanted was for him to be upset but he didn't seem it in the slightest, in fact, he seemed rather happy.
"Please, you've been eating crisps non-stop, you're throwing up and not to mention some of the maids were gossiping about it when they found the test in your trash." Jeongin had known for weeks and at first, he was a little upset that you hadn't come to him but he could understand why.
"Those little rats," You mumbled to yourself, sighing and looking at him, suddenly feeling the guilt take over you as you whimpered a little.
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd stop me working."
"Did I?" He smirked, raising a brow at you. Sure, at first he wanted to stop you from doing everything but he knew that would only make you worse and neither of you wanted that.
"Well, no, but-"
"I won't stop you working but as soon as I see you stressing that's when I'll put a stop to things." He reached his hand over the desk and squeezed yours softly, 
"Thank you," You whispered, smiling a little as you thought about it.
"We can go shopping this weekend...I have my first scan in a week, after the event." You told him as he nodded at you, this he already knew since he'd called doctors to get things ready for you.
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maeby-cursed · 7 months
Text
KISS ME, TRY TO FIX IT…
𓂃 COULD YOU JUST TRY TO LISTEN ?
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a/n: starting a new series of songfics ! this one is very obviously inspired by sad, beautiful, tragic, so you can see where this might be going. enjoy the results of my brainrot ♡ (also, i’ve never written for gojo before, please have mercy)
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✧ synopsis: you’ve been waiting for satoru gojo for ten years, but there’s no trace of the man you fell in love with when you were sixteen years old. it’s time to let go, but he might not want to.
✧ pairings: satoru gojo x fem!reader
✧ wc: 2k
✧ rating: angst. so much of it, angst to drown in. might get suggestive at some points.
✧ cw: mentions of drinking, of the great jjk tragedy of 2006 and its aftermath, implied cheating, gojo may be ooc, toxic relationship ??
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An ice-cold wind blows through the window as you wait.
It’s not even December yet but it’s already snowing.
Soft snowflakes the size of stars, far away in their firmament, enter your living room. When they land on the sofa, they dissolve, leaving in their wake thousands of specks of water that look disturbingly like tears.
It doesn't matter. You don't think he's going to notice anyway.
It's been ten long years of waiting. Ten long years of fighting, of fixing what's broken and denying that it's ever been broken.
It's over. Let winter freeze everything in its path.
When Satoru walks in through the door, you hesitate for a moment. A moment of madness when you see his hair, as white as the snowfall that has invaded your home. Just a moment when you see him in his burgundy turtleneck sweater, his tight-fitting coat. One single moment when you recognize the cold in his pink cheeks.
But it's all over when you meet his crystalline eyes. The fault is theirs.
"Is the window broken again?" he asks, dropping his keys on the entryway’s table.
The window has been broken since September.
You nod and he grunts, running a hand over his face.
"I'll call someone tomorrow, although you could have said something," he says. This is your fault. Of course.
You keep your eyes fixed on the snow. From the living room you can see the sidewalk across the street, covered in a blanket of white that sparkles under the street lamps. It's so painfully beautiful it makes you nostalgic.
You and Satoru moved into this house three years ago, when he got his teaching position, and you can't quite get over the fact that it's time to say goodbye.
You've spent three years of solstices here. You've seen the sidewalks covered with dead leaves, with thousands of little flowers that broke the pavement in their wake. But it’s never snowed. 
It’s not fair, not one bit.
Satoru says no more. He goes to your room and undresses; he replaces his street clothes with a black outfit that seems very appropriate for the occasion. Since you’ve known him, he always takes off his glasses when he crosses the hall of your building, but for once, you wish he'd put them back on. 
When he returns, his hair is dripping over his forehead. You hadn't even noticed that he was taking a shower. 
But he hasn't noticed that your bedside table is empty, either; that your slippers are missing, that there's a seeping coldness in the hearth of your house, and it's not coming from the window.
"What's for dinner?" he asks, plopping down on the couch with his cell phone in his hand.
You get up.
9:26 p.m., November 8. This is where it ends.
"I don't know. I'm going out to dinner," you say.
He doesn’t even bother to look up.
"Hmm, where are you going? Are you bringing something back or should I order myself a pizza?"
It's painful to watch as nothing seems to touch him. He’s infinite — always infinite.
"I'm going to a work friend's house."
"The one with the lovely curly hair and those pretty hazel eyes?"
Christ.
"No. I'm moving in with Rhea. Dark-eyed, blonde, leggy."
"Hmm, how nice."
A moment passes where he just keeps staring at the screen, and you despair.
"Satoru."
"What's up, baby?"
"I'm moving."
At last – at last – he looks up. In his eyes you see nothing; two blue marbles that have sworn you two to an unjust fate.
"You're moving out? Why?"
Where to begin? Because you have been loving a man destined to save everything and everyone for a decade, because you have been trying to fill a void that is not your size for eight years, because the windows are broken and the bed is cold and Satoru arrives several nights smelling of anisette and the perfume of another, because you don't want to live looking at the Strongest, the possessor of the Six Eyes. Because you thought that in some hidden corner Satoru Gojo was still there, and he isn’t.
"Because it's killing me to live like this.” You settle for that as your explanation and try to keep your stare unwavering.
"Like this how?" he questions, suddenly irritated. "In a luxurious house?" He gestures around him with the cell phone in his hand. "Comfortably, with your dream job? Knowing you'll never have to worry about money?"
"No, Satoru. Like this, without you loving me."
That chills him to the bone.
"Of course I love you."
"Do you? Do you want me for anything other than to warm your bed and your cock? Do you want me here, as your partner? Do you need me for anything at all?"
You don’t gesticulate, you barely move from your spot in the middle of the room. Everything in this fucking place is white and uncannily clean; the sofas, the coffee table, the walls, even the snow; but you and Satoru. He’s in all black, you’re in all red. It’s almost dreamlike, and you struggle to stay grounded. 
The only thing you could remove from this house that would grab his attention would be you.
"Yesterday you weren't complaining about any of this, what the fuck is the matter with you today?"
And you can't stand it anymore. The winter current lifts your hair, soaks the back of your neck and disguises your tears.
"THE MATTER IS THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR TEN YEARS. WAITING FOR YOU. WAITING FOR THE MAN I MET AT SIXTEEN TO COME BACK, SLEEPING WITH A MAN OF ABSENT GAZE WHO STAGGERS INTO MY BED WHEN HE'S TIRED OF BEING IN EVERYONE ELSE'S. I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR DOG, SATORU. I DON'T WANT YOU TO COME HOME AND FEEL OBLIGATED TO GIVE ME A WALK, A PETTING."
The words come spilling out of you without remedy, every wound bursting open through the stitches. He just looks at you.
"You think I don't love you?"
It hurts to hear him say it, it fucking hurts. You were prepared for the yelling and the coldness, even for a quick vulnerable stare. But never for his trembling voice and soft frown.
You inhale deeply.
"I don't think your love is of any use to me any longer."
Satoru stands up at that.
He's tall, tall and beautiful like Michelangelo's David. All your life, you've been feeling like you had no right to touch him. His infinity assured you that was the case. 
He takes a step in your direction and whispers:
"Then what should I do now?"
Your eyes, fixed on the ground, rise to meet his. There's something in the void and you're not sure if it's just your reflection.
"What?" you mutter. 
"How do I fix it? What do you need that I can't give you? Do you want me to quit work, for us to leave, for me to come home and kiss your temple, to cook for you, to listen to you, to cherish you in bed?” A heartbeat. “I will."
There’s something about the desperation in his tone, you aren’t sure of what to say next.
Satoru knows how to lie, but you don't know how to tell the difference.
"I don't want anything, Satoru. I'm tired," you whisper back, eyes full of water. "I want it to end. I want you to let it end."
He shakes his head, frowning, and through the mist of your tears you recognize that he is crying too.
"There has to be something. Anything. Something I can do, I can do it all."
It's partly true. He's Satoru Gojo; all-powerful, all-knowing. Eternal and young and beautiful and tragic as a poem.
You are just another person. You cried when Suguru left, when Haibara died, when Kento gave up the Jujutsu world and when Ieri locked herself in her office. You clung to Satoru, who resembled an empty seashell more than a person. 
You remember those nights back in 2007. You remember blindfolding him so he wouldn't activate infinity by accident, by reflex, out of overstimulation. You remember cutting his hair when he couldn’t and looking for him in his old antics. You remember taking care of Megumi – always reluctant – and Tsumiki – who you felt was too mature for her age. You remember the burden of being eighteen and having lost a world.
And, above all else, you remember Satoru under the rain. Under the pressure of the world you had lost, the one that he was trying to put back together. There was a month where he seemed catatonic; no smiles, drinking anisette as if it were his one source of life. A thirty-day period followed by the rebirth of a person who looked like the one that stood before, but who seemed cold and alien to you.
"Don't you love me, my darling?" he seeks for you, reaching out a hand to brush against your cheek.
Of course you love him. You love him even like this, like you have loved each and every one of his versions.
"I adore you, Satoru. But I can't stay; you can't fix it."
"Of course I can," he reaches out to you, holding your face between his fingers, "Of course I can."
His lips connect with yours — one last attempt, you don't know by whom.
Snow fills the room and it's cold, but you drink from his mouth, from his everlasting warmth; everything in him lasts forever.
Between kisses, you show him everything you have been for years. Ten years of kisses, of hands looking for hands and flesh searching for flesh.
He moves backwards, keeping you between his hands and guiding you towards the hallway and from the hallway to your shared bed.
This is where it ends.
"Satoru..." you whisper.
"I'm here. I'm here, beautiful, my favorite girl. Talk to me."
A sob escapes you as he utters those words. My favorite girl. That’s what he used to call you. Talk to me, he used to plead, that year at sixteen, when everything was about to start.
Isn't it beautiful that it ends the exact same way?
"Satoru, I'm leaving," you press a farewell kiss to his jaw.
"No, you're not leaving," he murmurs, smiling against your mouth, searching for your lips.
You back away and look at him one more time. And you smile, because there's nothing left.
"I'm already gone. Just let go of me, please."
"But..." he starts, his smile hesitant, "But I'm going to fix it."
You take one of his hands between yours and kiss it as it presses against your cheek, before lowering it to your lap.
"Satoru..." You pronounce each syllable of his name carefully and he stifles a cry. "I'm not going to go any further. I've already made the move and Rhea's expecting me at her house in an hour. I love you, I’ll love you until I run out of kisses, but it does me no good to love you. It is of no use to me, this love. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you one last time. Wasn’t it my turn to be the selfish one for once?"
He watches you, and his mouth shuts close. You've never seen Satoru lose. 
No, that's not true. There was a time, one time, where you saw him lose everything.
His eyes fill up with you one second and empty the next.
This is his second time.
He lifts his chin with an arrogance that no longer means anything and lets go of your hands.
"Go then, if you want. I'm not going to do anything to stop you,” he drags the words with feign disinterest. “I can't do anything."
That's the last gift he can give you. An honesty unbecoming of him, a truth that will never belong to Satoru Gojo ever again. 
From god to human in three kisses and a goodbye.
"Thank you," you say to him. Then you get up, heading for the living room, where your coat and your escape door await you.
He stays in the bedroom – with himself as he always is – after you leave. 
And he hides you where he always hides the things he breaks, in the back of his eyes, where no one can reach to see anything.
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