#Self Aware Nikolai Gogol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 5 months

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Delayed package

Self-Aware! Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN! Reader x Self-Aware! Nikolai Gogol

Description: Right before BSD Cast got into your world, you ordered something. But, as it often happens, your package got delayed And, because of BSD Cast arrival and you moving out, you totally forgot about your package. Until one day, when it finally arrived.

Prequel to Two detectives in your bed

Warning: OOC. English is my second language.

You were mindlessly browsing the Internet. The room was dark and only light from your laptop screen illuminated the room. Thankfully, you were on vacation and have as much free time as you want. You yawn and glance in your phone screen. It was 3:00 am.

Three months before BSD Cast Arrived to this world

___________

You, probably, should go to sleep. But, you don't want to.

Many students left to visit their families. They will spend holidays with theirs relatives. Parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents and others.

You don't have a place to return to. You were talking with your relatives, yes. But, they do show you, that no one want to see you.

You were alone.

You don't have friends. Because of your insecurities, you were afraid of making friends. You were afraid of making a mistake. Of being laughed at.

But you want to have someone. You don't want to be alone anymore.

A single sob escaped your lips. Holidays were the worst. No one around. You couldn't even watch TV and cuddle with a pet, because your landlord isn't allowed pets in the apartment.

You glance at your bed. Full of pillows and few plush toys. So you can cuddle them to sleep. Pretend, that you snuggle up with someone. That you are not alone.

It was a poor substitute, but beggars can't be choosers.

You shook your head and return to the screen.

Maybe, you could watch something. Maybe, you can rewatch your favorite BSD Moments?

You nodded to yourself and start typing the link of the site, where you watch BSD. It took a few moments for it to open. And, of course, there were ads.

Premium account, new book, anime figures, dakimakuras... What?

You scroll up, looking at the small colorful ad with pictures of a few body pillows with anime characters on it. Out of curiosity, you click on the ad.

A new site was opened in a new window. It looked normal. Menu with catalog and FAQ. Search bar. Online shop cart. Contacts. Site looked good.

Just for fun, you search for BSD dakimakuras. You don't forget to choose SFW prints only.

In few moments you got your results. It wasn't much, but, all of them looked good.

You scroll down, and saw, that two dakimakuras were on sale. With Fyodor Dostoevsky and Nikolai Gogol. You click on them, taking a better look.

According to information and reviews, the pillows were big and soft, the prints were colorful. Both dakimakuras were good.

You wonder if you should buy one.

They looked good for hugging.

You cast another glance on your bed.

Body pillow would be better, that many simple pillows.

After a quick search, you discover, that site, where you saw dakimakuras, were a legit one and wasn't scamming people.

You return to the site. You... could buy both Fyodor and Gogol pillows without worrying about your finances.

But, should you?

You stare at the screen.

Your apartment was quiet. Too quiet.

You were alone.

You click on "Add to cart" option.

_______

First month... Second month... Third month...

Shop apologize for loosing package and return money. They also allow you to keep the package, if, one day, it arrived.

Then BSD cast arrived in real world...

With them came friendship.

New home. New memories.

Camping trip with ADA. Scavenger hunt with Port Mafia. Shopping trip with The Guild. Visit to museum with Rats in the house of the Dead. Laser tug with Decay of Angels. Sport competition with Hunting Dogs. Homemade theater with kids.

Walks, movie nights, game nights.

Breakfasts, lunches, dinners.

And no more loneliness.

And you completely forgot about the package.

_____

You, Elise, Mori and Karma were ready to go.

Karma and Elise need something for school, so, you all decide to go on a small shopping trip.

Right before leaving the house, you got a notification. You check it.

It was from your previous neighbors. The big package with your name on it arrived in your old apartment. And neighbors asked you to hurry up and took it from them.

You frowned. You didn't remember ordering something on your old address. Still, you didn't want to make your neighbors wait. They were good neighbors. But, you will do busy these days and your old apartment are far away.

It seems, your worried expression didn't leave unnoticed. You heard Karma's soft voice.

"[Y/N]? Is everything alright?"

You nodded mindlessly. Mostly, it was alright.

"Yes, it's just... My previous neighbors got a package with my name on it. Ask me to take it as soon as I can."

Elise tucked her hair behind the ear. She tried to give you her best puppy dog eyes.

"So, we are going without you? But, [Y/N], without you, Rintarou will be unbearable!"

Mori stands behind Elise. He also looked a tiny bit sad. Thankfully, he didn't try to make puppy dog eyes on you. You would not bear looking at Port Mafia boss, who tried to beg like this for something.

"Elise-chan, [Y/N] will decide for themselves. And here I was planning to treat you all in a restaurant."

It is a blackmail!

You huffed. But, the problem still stands. Well, time to ask someone for help. You turned around and hurry to the living room.

"Will be back in a minute!"

____

You run into Fyodor and Nikolai in the living room. Nikolai was telling a story to Fyodor, actively gesticulating. Meanwhile, Fyodor was nodding from time to time, showing, that he is listening.

Noticing you, Nikolai stopped talking and waved. His smile became even bigger.

"Birdy! Good to see you. Do you decide to stay home with us? Great! Come on, sit down, right between Fedya and I!" Kolya patted the sofa next to where he was sitting. "We will keep you warm and comfy!"

It seems, Fyodor also liked the idea of you staying home. Unfortunately, you are needed. You will be an 'anchor' for Mori. Without you, he will go overboard with shopping and at the end of the day, instead of one adult, one teen and one child, three piles of bags will return home. You shake your head.

"Sorry, but I still must go. But I need help."

You explained, in a few words, what you need.

"So, can you two, please, go to my old apartment and take the package?"

Fyodor and Nikolai looked at each other, the Fyodor nodded.

"No problems, Myshonok. Just in case, should we check, what inside the package? To make sure it isn't damaged?"

You shrugged.

"Why not? Thanks, both of you. If you need anything, just call me."

You left the living room.

And soon you, Karma, Elise and Mori left the house.

Fifteen minutes later, Fyodor and Nikolai left to your old apartment.

______

You finally were back from your shopping trip. All of you get what you need and had lunch in a small restaurant.

You were ready to go to your room, when noticed, that there was a note on your bedroom door.

"[Y/N], please, go to my room. I will give you back your package. Fyodor D. P.S.: It would be nice to spend time together. You, Kolya and I."

You smiled. It was good, that everything went well. You decide to agree to spend some time with Fyodor and Nikolai as a 'thank you' for getting the package.

You walk into your room and changed in a what you call 'shuggly clothes for Fedya and Kolya'.

You were wearing a mouse kigurumi and a scarf, that Kolya gave you.

After getting ready, you go to Fyodor's room.

______

Something feels wrong.

Fyodor was unusually quiet. He locked the door behind you. Kolya wasn't here.

And something was laying behind Fedya's bed.

Fyodor turned towards you. His expression was neutral.

"Myshonok... Your package is here."

You nervously gulped. Did someone send something bad to you?

Fyodor took a piece of paper from his desk and hold it towards you.

"It came with the package."

You read the text.

And you were mortified.

You remembered ordering two dakimakuras almost a year ago. And lost package. And the prints.

You whined and looked at Fyodor.

He was holding them in his hands.

They were soft. They were real. They were in your house, and you don't have any idea what to do with them.

Fyodor were holding two big dakimakuras.

You take a step back. Only to crash into someone else's chest. You don't need to be a genius, to realize, that you were trapped between Fyodor and Nikolai.

Fyodor nodded a little.

Suddenly, a blanket was draped over you. And Nikolai was wrapping it around you tighter and tighter.

Five minutes later, everything was over.

_____

You were laying on Fyodor's bed. You were wrapped in a blanket. Like a candy. And you were stuck between Fyodor and Nikolai.

Fyodor was laying in front of you. His hand caress your face, slowly massaging it

Nikolai was laying behind you. He was spooning you, nibbling your earlobe from time to time.

And you feel, like you were on fire. They were so close. They were so soft.

And they were teasing.

Nikolai let go of your ear and whispered right into it.

"Tell me, Birdy, will this pillow ever kiss you during cuddles?" he returned to nibbling on your ear. You whimper.

"N-no, Kolya..."

Nikolai laughed and start paying attention to the spot right behind your ears.

You felt Fyodor's warm breath on your face. You close your eyes and his fingers started massaging your eyelids.

"Myshonok, will this pillow ever give you a massage during cuddles?"

You whimper again.

"No..."

Fyodor didn't answer, but, instead, softly kissed your eyelids.

Meanwhile, Nikolai chuckled.

"So, one point to us. No points to pillows. Next round."

Position was changed.

Now you were laying face to face with Nikolai. You felt Fyodor's breath on your neck, before he starts leaving small kisses on it. Nikolai's fingers run up and down your scalp, massaging it.

And you feel even more embarrassed.

Fyodor spoke again.

"So, do you want to explain, what the deal with the pillows?"

Once again, without waiting for your answer, Fyodor continues to lightly kiss your neck.

You spoke. Your voice was trembling.

"I... I didn't know... that you were self-aware... Order them almost a year ago... Forgot about it..."

Nikolai playfully boops your nose.

"And didn't know about the bonus pillow cases."

You nod. You feel even warmer now. Fyodor and Nikolai laughed. Fyodor started nibbling on your ear.

"I am not asking about that, Myshonok."

You were pretty sure, that you became ad hot as desert sand.

"I... I was so lonely... Before you arrived. I wanted to... Pretend, that I have someone in my life."

They were quiet. Then you felt Fyodor's lips on your cheek.

"Than today we will show you, that you will never be alone again, Myshonok"

Nikolai kissed the corner of your mouth.

"Don't worry, Birdy, we will take care of you. Just enjoy the warmth. And forget about the pillows."

Nikolai's grin became sly.

"But, please, remember, did you order pillow with us with... Adult print?"

You let out a muffled scream, hiding your face in Nikolai's chest.

You had a feeling, that they will never forget about dakimakuras.

______

What came next, you can describe with only one word. Heaven. Almost.

Without teasing about prints on pillows, it would be even grater.

You were warm.

You were cuddling with Fyodor and Nikolai.

One moment you were laying on Fyodor's chest, and he was showering your forehead in kisses.

The second moment, you were pressed against Nikolai's chest and he was kissing your hands.

You were pampered. You were caressed.

You weren't alone.

You fall asleep between Fyodor and Nikolai.

Safe. Sound. Not alone.

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mrsrookhunt · 11 months

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Hey!!! How’re you? Anyways no rush on this because I know how busy you are, with school work, and the requests and I know it’s a lot so no rush on any of my requests, but here’s a new one.

Ango, Sigma, Nikolai, Lovecraft and Mushitarou with an s/o that LOVES thighs, like any kind of thighs. (Pretty sure we had a conversation about this ☠️) and they constantly hold their thighs, touch them, kiss them, bite them, MAN EVERYTHING, I LOVE THIGHS.

Anyways thanks again, and no rush, I love your writing and you should continue doing what you do. Have a good day/night bye! <3

BSD Men with an S/o who Loves Thighs

Fluff, crack

Warnings: Suggestive

Ango Sakaguchi

Ango's more embarrassed than he's willing to let on that you take such interest in his thighs.

He doesn't see them as anything special, being on the thinner side and certainly at least average.

When you first express your love for his thighs, he's confused by it, and slow on the uptake to realize it's not specifically sexual, either. He's flustered when you shyly ask him to allow you to put a hand on one when you're sitting together; it's not something he ever thought of, but he doesn't mind it after he gets used to it.

He loves your enthusiasm about his thighs; he won't admit it but it makes him feel just a little bit more special in your eyes.

Sigma

"My... thighs? Is that a... fetish or something?"

Poor baby he's so flustered

He doesn't like his thighs; he says they look too unprofessional for a casino manager, but you beg to differ.

"They're a natural part of you, how can they be unprofessional-?"

He grows to like your fixation, however. It's endearing. He may not be one to indulge it often out of his own low self esteem, but if you're both alone and you're stressed out or overthinking, he may put your hand on his thigh and give it a little squeeze, hand-over-hand, to remind you he's here for you, whatever you need.

He blushes like mad if you ever bring it up but you do appreciate his subtle affections and gestures of love for you.

Nikolai Gogol

He laughs like a madman when you 'confess' this to him.

"Of course you love my thighs, who doesn't? They're everyone's dream~~"

You nearly smack him when he uses his ability to rest one right on your shoulder while he cackles.

It's true, he's proud of those thighs of his. He knows their immense worth.

Now well-aware of your fascination with them, he often makes a point to plop one on you as much as possible, demanding rubs and cuddles for his 'oh-so-sore' thighs.

Something about all that weight making them ache

You start playfully biting his thighs when he gets them too close for comfort.

He doesn't seem to mind, snickering each time you do and giving you a soft kick to the chest.

"Aaaaah, my doveee--- I can't help it-- it's my reflexes!".

Nikolai's thighs are a 10/10 experience

Howard Phillips Lovecraft

His... thighs? You... like them?

What thighs--

His emaciated form is skinny and gaunt; he doesn't expect you to become enamored with the practically skin and bone thighs he bears.

He's not really surprised. He doesn't care much at all; you have free reign over touching and playing with them, he doesn't mind. So long as you're not disrupting his sleep.

Once, after a particularly long time 2 days away from him, he puts your hand lightly on his thigh, and when you hesitantly squeeze, he makes a mild noise of contentment. However, that's the most he's ever indulged you.

You like to lightly smack him on the thighs sometimes when he annoys you. It's just the best spot, in your opinion, and a great way to let him know he needs to dial down the eldritch horror again--

Overall, you can do practically anything with his thighs. He doesn't find it endearing or sweet, but he does appreciate your affections.

Mushitaro Oguri

You never tell him; you never get a chance to. By the second month of dating, he insists on holding your hand on top of his thigh at any possible opportunity, and is more than thrilled when you show them any special attention.

You tested the waters by going in for a kiss on his lower thigh once, a sweet one that made him flustered and red, but in the best way.

You never took him for a thigh man but he very clearly loves when you play with his and enjoys playing with yours too, if you'll allow him to.

He loves how you just lock onto his thighs for cuddles, laying in his lap and resting your head between them, like your own personal body pillows. He'll rub your head and give you kisses the whole time. This is 200% your favorite way to watch movies on the couch together.

Pay attention to his thighs. It's a major center of his affections.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

May 23rd, 2023

-Kaori

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definetelynotavampire · 1 month

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Oooh sorry if you've already shared them but I'd love to hear some Nikolai headcannons you have!

My Nikolai theories/ headcanons

I have been waiting for someone to ask me about this :D

(also spoilers for Gogol's "The Overcoat")

1. Born with an Overcoat

In his speech about true freedom he goes on about wanting to „fly like a bird“ and to „not be bound by gravity“. I know he also meant this in a mental/ emotion-bases sense but it got me thinking... is he stupid? His ability is tailor cut for this? By all means, he should be able to fly.

His ability can manipulate space and by extension also gravity (to some extend), thats basic physics. He even uses this to save Sigma when he fell off the sky casino – Nikolai reduced the gravitational force on Sigma by manipulating space.

This got me thinking - Couldn’t he technically fly if he adjusted his portals, so that one is on the ground and the other is in the sky/ under his feet?

Well, why hasn’t he done this? - Because his ability is limited by his Overcoat.

Which is strange, why is his ability affected by something external? Is he lying? Is this a mental thing? Can it be any Overcoat or just his cape? If it’s really a necessary part of his ability, then either it’s not his own and someone else made this restriction for him or his Overcoat is part of him - he was born with an Overcoat . Personally, I think it’s both.

At this point I decided to look up the source material, and by that I mean I read the wikipedia article about „The Overcoat“...

The main character Akaky is described as „being born in undress uniform“ and that basically, since the day he was born, his future was already decided. This obviously plays into bsd’s Nikolai's arc of freedom/ not following a predictaple path. But still it’s a funny simile.

Like I said, my theory is that he was both given the ability and that he was born with it. This seems like an obvious contadiction unless you say Nikolai is, like Sigma, a product of the book.

In conclusion i think that the Overcoat/ his ability is both his freedom and also the very thing he has to ‚overcome‘ in a sense.

2. Nikolai is self aware

This is kinda like a continuation from the first theory. I think it would make so much sense for his character, that he knows he has a set role in the story, especially when you look at his desire for true freedom. Maybe I just like the tragic irony, that no matter what, he can never get to that point.

Anyways, if we assume he’s self aware, his actions and idea of sanity is much more interesting. What would you do if you know your actions and emotions are pre-written? I have no idea, but whatever Nikolai has going on seems like a pretty valid reaction to me.

Also what does the conversation with Fyodor mean then? Is the book a God symbol? Why does Fyodor know? Is he older than the book? Is he affected by it?

2.1 This is a bit silly and I’ve talked about this before. Nikolai teleports his right eye to observe everything like a movie. Where he himself is, again a character. This fits well within the theme of his depersonalisation.

3. His Freedom in the context of „The Overcoat“

The obvious comparison is, of cause, „Nikolais obsession and desire for freedom“ and Akakys’ obsession with the Overcoat that he wants. Further than that i have honestly no idea. Akakys irony is that, after he gets the overcoat, it is taken from him immediately and he dies but I’m not sure how that could translate. What i mean by that is, i don’t want it to because i want Nikolai to get a good ending. Which would probably mean an ending that he chooses for himself. Okay thats basically also not very good… well shit... ._ .

4. The silly headcanons

4.1 Nikolai has no idea what an overcoat is, that’s why he wears a cape and calls it his Overcoat

4.2 Nikolai and Ranpo are brothers, i have no reason for this besides it’s funny and i like them both.

4.3 Nikolai does not know how to use public transport because he always teleports everywhere

4.4 He has a disney princess hair care routine (for obvious reasons)

4.5 He has very normal hobbies

5. The "Is it really silly tho?" headcanon (yes it is)

5.1 „We all came out from Gogol’s Overcoat“ - a quote by someone, idk by who

Nikolai is, or will be the author of the book. Idk how or when, but at one point he makes a decision about abilities or ability useres and it affects everyone. Maybe that could be his moment of freedom, because it would be a paradox if that decision wasn’t truely made by him. And then it’s something like he burns the book so abilities and everyone created from the book is gone. I can see that happen.

okay these are just the things i could think of rn, there are probably more ._ .

#ahaha tysm for asking #:'D #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd theory #nikolai headcanons #okay idk the differnce between a hc and a theory #bsd analysis #bsd nikolai #bsd nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol theories #okay now that the thoughts are all out of my brain i can finally think about something other than nikolai #perhaps #garlic rambles #but also #garlic thinks

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ddostoyevskyy · 9 months

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BSD MEN!

↳ WITH A LOVER WHO ALWAYS GETS HYPER WHEN THEY CONSUME SWEETS AND/OR COFFEE.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒... nothing much, just fluff and can be read as gn!reader. Mori Ougai.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄... slight self-indulge because I get all hyper when I drink coffee, mwahahahaha.

BSD MASTERLIST.

𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐌 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍; because he can’t handle your hyper ass. Although, you get too affectionates and he loves your sudden kisses on his cheek and the corner of your lips and the random back and side hugs felt lovely — your hyper awareness is just too much for him especially when you’re prancing around too much and playing harmless pranks like a kid or when your sudden mood changes from giggling to laughing into smallest things; it’s cute — you’re so cute, really and in all honesty, but he’s just too worried that you might hurt yourself or jab your thighs on the edge of a table.

Kunikida Doppo, Fukuzawa Yukichi, Sagakuchi Ango, Mori Ougai (ew), Oda Sakunosuke, Nakajima Atsushi, Nakahara Chuuya, Tachihara Michizō —

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘; as much as how hyper you are when you consume even little sweets or coffee, he’s running around and prancing with you, pinching your cheeks and biting your skin the same way you always do first.

Dazai Osamu, Edogawa Ranpo, Nikolai Gogol —

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒; especially when you’re feeling a bit down or not in a mood; he always have an extra sweets on his pockets, or he’ll make you a coffee to cheer you up. Especially, if you’re easily drained within the end of the day (or not even, just like me), he occasionally holds your hand which quite confuses you, until you found some candy on your palm which makes you smile as you munch down and he’s now contently staring at you with adornment and fascination when your energy charged full.

Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Edgar Allan Poe, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Nakajima Atsushi, Mushitarou Oguri, Suehiro Tetchōu —

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃; everytime you consume tons of sweets and coffee in just a day where you get all jumpy and enthusiastic, he’s looking at you like you’re some weird creature he calls his lover as he watches you with horrid eyes while you’re going tippy-tappy on walks and you’re clinging, nuzzling and being too sweet with him. But at the end of the day, he secretly enjoys it despite of how much he tried to gently push you and how he grimace everytime you shower his face with kisses; he enjoys it, actually.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Sigma, Tayama Katai, Saigiku Jōno —

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

#bsd fics #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd fanfic #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs headcanons #bungou stray dogs various

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ephemeral--dreams · 1 year

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a deathbed scene Nikolai Gogol/Reader Rating: T Word count: 533 Warnings: Nikolai is his own warning, I promise everyone lives despite the title

☆ ☾ ☆ ──────────────────

You'd tried to get him to leave when he'd shown up at your door, telling him he'd get sick too if he stayed around you too long.

That hadn't stopped him from clattering around your kitchen to make you soup, forcing you to down some medicine, and practically pushing you back into bed when he was done. You were so tired from dealing with him on top of how awful you felt that by that point, you were in a daze. Good! He wouldn't have to put in extra work to get you to fall asleep. Sleep was good when one was sick, right?

Nikolai hummed, reaching out to check your temperature. It was your slurred, quiet voice that snapped him out of his task, entirely shattering whatever amusement he'd found in taking care of you when you were too weak to shut him out or complain too much.

"When you finally kill me, can you make it painless?"

The words make him fall still in shock, hand still against your forehead. It's lucky that you're not even paying attention to him, that you're too out of it to notice the way he's been sent reeling. That's exactly it, of course. You're also too sick to realize what you're saying, to hold back the way you usually would. Nikolai knows he shouldn't pay too much mind to what you say in your delirium. You likely won't even remember this tomorrow. And yet… Well, you're also not aware enough to keep yourself from being honest, isn't that right? Anything you say now must be what you think but never say to him.

Ah. He pulls his hand back, gathering a response.

"What makes you think I'm going to kill you, dove?"

You crack your eyes open to look at him. "…Of course you are… I know you," There's no accusation to your tone, only acceptance. As if you don't quite realize the gravity of what you're saying.

"So you're telling me you've been leaving yourself defenseless knowing what I could do at any time? Risky, risky. Where's your self preservation, dear?"

"Mm… I mean, my life's always been in your hands…" you yawn, settling into the bed. "Just don't make me suffer too much, 'kay? Probably takes the fun out of it for you, but..."

Nikolai lets out a laugh, more astonished than anything. You lay there so vulnerable, so helpless, after just… Handing him permission to do as he pleases with you. He could kill you right here and now. He could do even worse. You've given him too much power, considering who he is. Don't you care about all the awful things he could do to you?

(Not that he would, necessarily. Not now. Maybe not ever. Who knows?)

He smiles, presses a kiss to the top of your head.

"Sure, sure. I'll make it nice and easy just for you, hm? You're the only one who gets that privilege, you know~"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Seemingly satisfied, your eyes fall closed again. Nikolai watches as you drift off quickly, clearly exhausted from trying to stay awake through your sickness. When you wake, he'll tend to you and spoil you until you're better again, and most importantly… pretend this exchange never occurred at all.

#nikolai gogol x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd #bsd x reader #Story unfolding

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insanepoll · 9 months

Text

WELCOME TO THE INSANE CHARACTER TOURNAMENT: REVIVAL ROUND, ELIMINATION!

[ID: Photos of all the 111 characters competing on this round in a graveyard. /End ID.]

Upset your favourite character lost? Here they'll battle for the chance to be one of the four to come back! The goal of this round is to eliminate as many characters as possible. Each group will have two polls who will later battle against each other to be the sole survivor of their group. ROUND ELIMINATION PART 1 will begin on MONDAY 14TH OF AUGUST.

Groups below the "keep reading" line.

GROUP 1:

Micolash, Host of the Nightmare (Bloodborne) VS Tuco Salamanca (Better Call Saul) VS Renfield (Dracula)

The Master (Doctor Who) VS Cheryl Tunt (Archer) VS Morgana Pendragon (BBC Merlin) VS Lucille Bluth (Arrested Development)

GROUP 2:

Delirium (Sandman) VS Alexander Hilbert (Wolf 359) VS Roman Roy (Succession)

Doomguy (Doom) VS Dr. Franken Stein (Soul Eater) VS Jack (The Shinning)

GROUP 3:

Sasuke Uchiha (Naruto Shippuden) VS Light Yagami (Death Note) VS Pinkie Pie (My Little Pony)

Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen) VS Dabi (My Hero Academia) VS Seo Moon-jo (Strangers from Hell) VS Jinx (Arcane)

GROUP 4:

Aerion Targaryen (A Song of Ice and Fire) VS Goro Akechi (Persona 5) VS Bubby (Half Life: VR but the AI is Self Aware) VS Sebastian Morgenstern (The Shadowhunter Chronicles)

The Narrator (Fight Club) VS Opal Koboi (Artemis Fowl) VS Orochimaru (Naruto)

GROUP 5:

Dottore (Genshin Impact) VS Ice King (Adventure Time) VS Millions Knives (Trigun) VS Trexel Geistman (Stellar Firma)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus (The Locked Tomb) VS Eliot Cardale / Eli Ever (Villains Duology) VS Donatello Hamato (ROTTMNT)

GROUP 6:

Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter) VS Vegas Theerapanyakul (Kinnporsche) VS Dennis Reynolds (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) VS Max (Sam and Max)

Eren Jaeger (Attack on Titan) VS Drusilla (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) VS The entire cast of Blaseball (Blaseball)

GROUP 7:

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) VS Spinel (Steven Universe) VS Midori (Your Turn To Die)

Chat Blanc (Miraculous) VS Leopold Fitz (Marvel) VS Tsukishima Hajime (Golden Kamuy) VS Alucard (Hellsing Ultimate)

GROUP 8:

Tokishige Usami (Golden Kamuy) VS Jīn Guāngyáo (Mo Dao Zu Shi (The Untamed)) VS Roberto (Futurama) VS Sammy Lawrence (Bendy and the Ink Machine)

Victor Frankenstein (Frankenstein) VS Dr. Baxter Stockman (TMNT 2003) VS Cicero (Skyrim)

GROUP 9:

Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune) VS Denji (Chainsaw Man) VS Kira Yoshikage (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure) VS Magic Man (Adventure Time)

Jevil (Deltarune) VS Helena (Orphan Black) VS Starscream (Transformers)

GROUP 10:

Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader (Star Wars) VS Enerjak (Sonic the Hedgehog) VS Niki Sanders / Jessica Sanders (Heroes)

Alfred Drevis (Mad Father) VS Loki (The Mechanisms) VS Tyrian Callows (RWBY) VS The Mad Hatter (Alice in Wonderland)

GROUP 11:

Evan (EverymanHYBRID) VS Eric Cartman (South Park) VS Simon Keyes (Ace Attorney Investigations 2)

Alex Kralie (Marble Hornets) VS Fintan Pyren (Keeper of the Lost Cities) VS Darcy (Amphibia) VS Hamlet (The Tragical History of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark)

GROUP 12:

Will Graham (NBC Hannibal) VS Simon Laurent (Infinity Train) VS John Kramer (Saw) VS Bibble (Barbie Fairytopia)

Ryuki (AI: The Somnium Files) VS The Observer (TribeTwelve) VS Galahad (The Mechanisms)

GROUP 13:

Nikolai Gogol (Bungo Stray Dogs) VS Castiel (Supernatural) VS Ben Chang (Community)

Shinobu Sensui (Yu Yu Hakusho) VS Xue Yang (Mo Dao Zu Shi (The Untamed)) VS Kristoph Gavin (Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney)

GROUP 14:

Knock Knock (Phantom Spirits (2002)) VS Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights) VS Pugsley Addams (The Addams Family) VS Billy Lenz (Black Christmas (1974))

Shou Tucker (FMA) VS The Antagonist (Hatred (2015)) VS Gabriel Agreste (Miraculous)

GROUP 15:

Tim Drake (DC) VS Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-girlfriend) VS Ken Kaneki (Tokyo Ghoul)

Fëanor (The Silmarillion) VS Himiko Toga (My Hero Academia) VS Lee Dongsik (Beyond Evil) VS Ultra Violet (Lego Ninjago)

GROUP 16:

Professor Henry Hidgens (Hatchetfield) VS Lestat de Lioncourt (Interview with the Vampire) VS Wade Wilson / Deadpool (Marvel) VS Samarie (Fear and Hunger 2: Termina)

Jonathan Crane / The Scarecrow (DC) VS Komaeda Nagito (Danganronpa 2) VS Volo (Pokemon Legends Arceus)

#insane character poll #tumblr tournament #tumblr polls #tumblr bracket #character tournament #poll #polls #info banner #revival round #tournament poll #bracket tournament

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pruechaosbracket · 1 year

Text

Pure Chaos Bracket Links/Guide

Submissions and Rules (Closed)

Preliminary Rounds (4/15 - 4/22)

Kokichi (Danganronpa) VS Junko (Danganronpa)

Amethyst (Steven Universe) VS Peridot (Steven Universe)

Jenkins (Red vs Blue) VS Team Red (Red vs Blue)

Dirk Gently (Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency) VS Bart Curlish(Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency)

Glenn Close (Dungeons and Daddies) VS Lark and Sparrow (Dungeons and Daddies) VS Scam Likely (Dungeons and Daddies)

Eda Clawthorne and King (The Owl House) VS The Collector (The Owl House)

Round 1-A (4/23 - 4/30)

Henry Stickmin (The Henry Stickmin Collection) VS Damien LaVey (Monster Prom)

Pearl (Splatoon) VS Mei (Lego Monkie Kid)

Deadpool (Marvel) VS Toph (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (Animanics) VS Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Marx (Kirby) VS Nikolai Gogol (Bungo Stary Dogs)

Grian and Scar (3rd Life) VS Jevil (Deltarune)

Luffy (One Piece) VS Dimentio (Super Paper Mario)

Team Red (Red vs Blue) VS Alina Gray (Magia Record)

Round 1-B (4/25 - 5/2)

Mort (All Hail King Julian) VS Loki (Norse Mythology)

Benrey (Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware) VS BOb (Slime Rancher)

Yin-Yang (Inanimate Insanity) VS Remus (Sanders Sides)

Slimecicle (QSMP) VS Happy Chaos (Guilty Gear)

Junko (Danganronpa) VS The Collector (The Owl House)

Discord (MLP: Friendship is Magic) VS Chili Pepper Cookie (Cookie Run Kingdom) *Please note that I forgot to change the names in the header*

Chungledown Bim (Fantasy High) VS Bart Curlish (Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency)

Eris (Greek Mythology) VS Phonegingi (Dialtown)

Round 1-C (4/27 - 5/4)

• Dewey (Ducktales) VS The Goose (Untitled Goose Game) • Klaus (Umbrella Academy) VS Stede Bonnet (Our Flag Means Death) • Courtney (Dead End: Paranormal Park) VS Dakota Cole (Just Roll With It) • Krampy (Cattails) VS The Lamb (Cult of the Lamb) • Kairos Theodosian (A Practical Guide to Evil) VS Taako, Magnus, and Merle (The Adventure Zone) • Wei Wuxian (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) VS Tiny Tina (Borderlands) • Blitzo (Helluva Boss) VS Jester (Critical Role)

Barry Swift (Team StarKid) VS Giovanni Pottage (Epithet Erased)

Round 1-D (4/29 - 5/6)

Wataru Hibiki (Ensemble Stars) VS Lyer (Mia’s World)

Oli (Empires SMP) VS Dr Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb)

Sam and Max (Sam and Max) VS Scam Likely (Dungeons and Daddies)

Gregory (FNAF) VS Peridot (Steven Universe)

Max, Niki, and Neil (Camp Camp) VS Four (BFB)

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) VS Docm77 (Hermitcraft)

Rocky (Lackadaisy) VS The User (There Is No Game)

Donnie (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) VS Dr. Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog)

ROUND 2-A 5/14 - 5/21

Henry Stickmin (The Henry Stickmin Collection) VS Pearl (Splatoon)

Toph (Avatar: The Last Airbender) VS Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (Animanics)

Marx (Kirby) VS Jevil (Deltarune)

Dimentio (Super Paper Mario) VS Team Red (Red VS Blue)

Mort (All Hail King Julien) VS Benrey (Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware)

Yin-Yang (Inanimate Insanity) VS Charlie Slimecicle (QSMP)

The Collector (The Owl House) VS Discord (MLP: Friendship is Magic)

Chungledown Bim (Fantasy High) VS Phonegingi (Dialtown)

ROUND 2-B 7/21 - 7/28

The Goose (Untitled Goose Game) VS Klaus Hargreeves (Umbrella Acadamy)

Dakota Cole (Just Roll With It) VS The Lamb (Cult of the Lamb)

Takoo, Magnus, and Merle (The Adventure Zone) VS Tiny Tina (Bordar Lands)

Jester (Critical Roll) VS Giovanni Potage (Epithet Erased)

Wataru Hibiki (Ensemble Stars) and Lyer (Mia's World) VS Oli (Empires SMP) and Dr. Doofensmirtz (Phineas and Ferb)

Sam and Max (Sam and Max) VS Peridot (Steven Universe)

Four (Battle For Dream Island) VS Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

Rocky (Lackadaisy) VS Donnatello (Rise of the TMNT) and Dr. Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog)

ROUND 3 9/23 - 9/30

Henry Stickmin (The Henry Stickmin Collection) VS Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (Animanics)

Marx (Kirby) VS Team Red (Red Vs Blue)

Mort (All Hail King Julien) VS Charlie Slimecicle (QSMP)

Chungledown Bim (Dimension 20: Fantasy High) VS Discord (MLP: Friendship is Magic)

The Goose (Untitled Goose Game) VS The Lamb (Cult of the Lamb)

Takoo, Magnus, and Merrle (The Adventure Zone) VS Giovanni Potage (Epithet Erased)

Sam and Max (Sam and Max) VS Oli {Empires SMP} and Dr. Doofensmirtz {Phineas and Ferb}

Donatello {Rise of the TMNT} and Dr. Eggman {Sonic the Hedgehog} VS Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

ROUND 4 10/21 - 10/28

Chungledown Bim (Dimension 20: Fantasy High) VS Charlie Slimecicle (QSMP)

Takoo, Magnus, and Merrle (The Adventure Zone) VS The Goose (Untitled Goose Game)

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (Animanics) VS Team Red (Red Vs Blue)

Sam and Max (Sam and Max) VS Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

SEMI-FINALS 12/12 - 12/18

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot VS Charlie Slimecicle

Sam and Max VS The Goose

FINALS 12/21 - 28

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot VS Sam and Max

#pure chaos bracket

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doukeshi-kun · 1 year

Note

After seeing my man Nikolai i immediately went to twt then i saw these!

Just wanna share u these! (U can just use Google lens to translate it hehe-)

HE'S SO HOT MY GOSH

OHHH I HAVE SEEN THIS! LITERALLY HAD A MOMENT OF SHGSHDHDAHAGAFAHSHSHAGA ON MY OWN BECAUSE UGHHH THERE'S NOT A LOT OF BSD SELF-INSERT FANARTS ESPECIALLY NIKOLAI😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

HE IS SO HOT YES. I TOLD YALL NIKOLAI CAN BE A PROPER ADULT HE JUST CHOOSE NOT TO!

i've translated it immediately after i broke down in happy tears just to know the context hsgshsdh so i'll put it down here for everyone else! the translation may be off tho to make it natural-sounding. the short manga should be read from right to left!

(🕊️ : Nikolai Gogol, 🤍 : you / gn)

Panel 1 : First date with Gogol-kun

🕊️ : Are they here yet~

🤍 : … Who is that???

(usually he -> 🤡✌️)

🕊️ : Ah! Here, here!

🤍 : Who is that???

Panel 2

🕊️ : You couldn't recognise me at all because I look different?

🕊️ : Ahaha there's no way I can walk like that in town. That's like a working clothes.

(🤍 : I am aware of that...)

🕊️ : Don't be surprised at this point.

🕊️ : From now on, I'll let you know more about me.

so cuteee hhhhhhhh if you guys wanna see more bsd self insert art, try to search on twitter with the tag #文ストプラス

i saw some fyodor's arts the last few days too! explore and have fun! btw this art is from @/tumugi1 on twt!

#道化師-says❃ུ۪ #nikolai x you

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ao3feed-fyozai · 2 years

Text

A falling façade.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/EHhDRPl

by saavni

Osamu Dazai was a façade. An appearance that he never abandoned in public. Since childhood, great despair had overtaken the boy. Throughout the years of anguish, Dazai has attempted suicide on numerous occasions. All to no avail. In the end, he has forever remained in this hell. But now more than ever, his mask is cracking, falling. Humour can't overcome his depression any longer. Worse, his colleagues are noticing, and the news is spreading. Some of his co-workers are trying to assist. Unfortunately, even his enemies are made aware of this. Dazai is in danger, yet he remains oblivious.

Words: 2899, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tayama Katai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tachihara Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo & Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jouno Saigiku/Tachihara Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Additional Tags: Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu is a Mess (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu Needs a Hug (Bungou Stray Dogs), Depressed Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Bottom Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Jouno Saigiku (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu Not Being an Asshole (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oblivious Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Self-Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide Attempt, Vulnerability, Heavy Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Inner Dialogue, Multiple Pairings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Childhood Trauma, I'm Bad At Tagging, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Romantic Angst, First Kiss, Unrequited Crush, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Love at First Sight, Enemies to Lovers, One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, My First Fanfic, First Dates, Everyone Is Gay, Jealous Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jealous Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jealous Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Protective Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Protective Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/EHhDRPl

#fyozai #bungou stray dogs #ao3fyozai #ao3feed #fanfic

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yandreamings · 2 years

Note

May I request The Fool, The Magician, and The High Priestess for Gogol?

My first Gogol request! He's very interesting and very complex-- I hope I got him right and I hope you enjoy!

NIKOLAI GOGOL...!

The Fool - How deluded is this yandere when it comes to their darling? Are they self-aware on any level?

Nikolai knows what he's doing. He knows it's wrong to feel this way about you and that it's wrong to keep you locked up like this, but... ugh, you're too cute and too wonderful to share with anyone else, can't you see that? The world is so boring, so depressing, and you're his only escape. It's not that mean, is it? He'll treat you kindly, so won't you be good for him? Come on, just let him delude himself a little bit...

The Magician - How would this yandere use their abilities/status on their darling?

As much as he adores you and wants to treat you like royalty, Nikolai can't deny how fun it is to mess with you using his ability. He'll sneak up on you, grab onto you and pull you into his coat when you're not expecting it, among others. Oh, but don't worry- he'll hold you in his arms and coo apologies if you start to cry. He's not a monster!

The High Priestess - What expectations does this yandere have for their darling?

Oh, to be as entertaining and adorable as possible! You don't want him to get bored and have to get rid of you, do you? Of course you don't. So, don't bore him and he'll keep you around. Other than that, you should know hit status and the power he holds, so you'd be wise to be on your best behaviour. Ah, but that's not to say he wouldn't enjoy the thrill of chasing you and pinning you down if you tried to escape... it's a 'pick your poison' situation, really.

#tarot prompts #nikolai gogol #gogol #nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai bsd #nikolai bsd x reader #gogol x reader #yandere bsd #yandere nikolai gogol #yandere gogol

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 11 months

Text

Self-Aware BSD meet the Internet. Short № 1

Description: After BSD gang gain an acsess to the rest of your phone, they also gain the acsess to the internet and YouTube. Unknown to you, they accompany you while you serf the Internet.

Slight Crack. OOC. Slight Self-Aware! Nikolai Gogol x GN! Reader

[Y/N] are watching the video.

youtube

[Y/N]: Is that how Gogol become friends with Fyodor? Like... Dostoevsky does look like an introvert who was adopted by an extrovert Gogol.

Meanwhile, in your phone/ BSD Mayoi app.

Everyone is looking at Dostoevsky and Gogol.

Nikolai: *opens his mouth*

Fyodor: Don't you dare, Kolya. Don't you dare.

Nikolai: *when he decided, that it is worth it. Quotes a poem for children he found, while he was browsing an Internet by himself.* He is tattered, torn, and lame. Yet I love him just the same.

_________________________________

For the next few days, you had, what you assumed, a Gogol shimeji running around your phone. It looked like he tried to 'enter' "BSD Mayoi App" but couldn't sucseed. For some reason, you couldn't turn it off. You decide, that it was a bug. Mini Gogol didn't bother you, so you left him alone.

Between his attempts to launch the application, he tried to get your attention by performing magic tricks and doing tricks with "The Overcoat". You clapped, when he did it.

When shimeji dissapeared (when Fyodor realised, that you start paying more attention towards Nikolai, so he drag Gogol back to the game app), you had new note in "Notes" app.

"Thank you for been a great audience, Birdy [Y/N]. Until my next performance"

____________________

A/N: Gogol quotes a poem by Agnia Barto, a Soviet poet and children's writer. Full poem in English:

Teddy

On the floor lies tiny Teddy

Half a paw is gone already.

He is tattered, torn, and lame.

Yet I love him just the same.

By Agnia Barto

267 notes · View notes

deadpanwalking · 3 years

Note

please share the frank vernon book rec list !

You've called my bluff, so I'm gonna wing it and give you a bunch of literature that deals with themes of complicity, bureaucracy, class tension, and the limits of self-awareness. We already know Frank reads Shakespeare and Eliot, but it's entirely plausible Frank has read a few of these books as well—and if Greg's mom sat in Gore Vidal's lap, who are we to say that Frank Vernon and Philip Roth didn't explore each other's bodies after one of Logan's tedious literacy fundraisers in the early '80s?

The Assistant by Bernard Malamud

“When I don't feel hurt, I hope they bury me.”

“The One Who Stole My Heart” by Nikolai Gogol

“His life had already touched upon the age when everything that breathes of impulse shrinks in a man, when a powerful bow has a fainter effect on his soul and no longer twines piercing music around his heart, when the touch of beauty no longer transforms virginal powers into fire and flame, but all the burnt-out feelings become more accessible to the sound of gold, listen more attentively to its alluring music, and little by little allow it imperceptibly to lull them completely. Fame cannot give pleasure to one who did not merit it but stole it; it produces a constant tremor only in one who is worthy of it. And therefore all his feelings and longings turn toward gold.”

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro

“He chose a certain path in life, it proved to be a misguided one, but there, he chose it, he can say that at least. As for myself, I cannot even claim that. You see, I trusted. I trusted in his lorship's wisdom. All those years I served him, I trusted I was doing something worthwhile. I can't even say I made my own mistakes. Really - one has to ask oneself - what dignity is there in that?”

American Pastoral by Philip Roth

“You put too much stock in human intelligence, it doesn't annihilate human nature.”

The Utopia of Rules by David Graeber

“It’s not just that some people get to break the rules—it’s that loyalty to the organization is to some degree measured by one’s willingness to pretend this isn’t happening.”

Barchester Towers by Anthony Trollope

“Till we can become divine, we must be content to be human, lest in our hurry for change we sink to something lower.”

Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens

“None of us clearly know to whom or to what we are indebted in this wise, until some marked stop in the whirling wheel of life brings the right perception with it.”

Herzog by Saul Bellow

“To tell the truth I never had it so good. But I lacked the strength of character to bear such joy.”

#we love a genre-aware crank #it's like that old catskills joke. why does frank keep going back to logan? because he needs the eggs #frank vernon #succession #anonymous #assbox #i read much of the night and go south in the winter

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clownd-aa · 3 years

Text

tw: mentions of religion and death

Okay, so I think a lot of us can agree that the duality in the series is pretty great! We have an entire cast of multi-faceted and complex characters. We see one side, think we understand them, and then suddenly we’re shown a different side of them that also exists. It makes us think.

The same holds true for Gogol, and honestly the entire Decay of Angels (i mostly speak of the main trio we were first introduced to, though!). But Gogol’s character is just a paradox on one hand, and appears to tell us the answers on the other. But a lot of the characters are also inspired by their respective authors and their work. Which means, I think by reading their work -- or at least, certain ones -- we can begin to understand better the aspects of their characters and why it is the way they think or do the things they do and say the things they say! Essentially: Why did Asagiri make them like this.

It’s especially interesting to take note and try to understand why and how Fyodor and Nikolai are connected, as well! There’s a lot to discuss so i’m just going to try and break it down the best I can without rambling too much.

When we first see Nikolai in his debut, he’s already this high-energy very ‘fun’ type of character. I mean, he’s a clown, so it would be weird if he wasn’t. He claims to enjoy killing people, and also talks about his desire for freedom and his love for birds in some very strange analogy that just makes his character a bit deeper. Likening his own mind to that of a prison. And then on the other hand, we’re shown that he feels guilt and remorse like any other person would and does have a capacity for empathy, and that his “monster” façade is merely that: a façade.

Empathy is merely a restriction in his eyes, and to beable to walk through life without restrictions (much like how the birds defy gravity) is the ultimate freedom.

He claims he’s sane. Is he? I think so. A person who is, by definition, considered “insane” normally doesn’t understand right from wrong or real from fake. Nikolai, however, has shown that he is very self aware.

But I think there’s something else going on. And this is where the real Nikolai Gogol comes in. I did some digging on the life and death of the author, and really, he was a tragedy and it helps me to understand his character better.

In BSD Nikolai, we already see a reflection of the real life satirist from the get-go. His brutal methods of murder and torture, are in reference and inspired by elements in the real life Nikolai Gogol’s work that were both realistic and grotesque.

But there’s more. Looking into his death, this is where BSD Nikolai’s mentality and belief of being trapped in his own mind comes into play. At least, this is what i’ve come up with and have perceived his character. So in no way am I trying to push this on anyone, but I do heavily headcanon what i’m talking about in my own portrayal.

you can read the information here, for anyone interested. I’m only going to touch base on some of the stuff mentioned.

Nikolai and Fyodor’s canon relationship in the manga is also important to take note, and I firmly believe there is some influence from the rl Gogol and a priest he had the misfortune to contact during a dark time in his life after someone close to him (a woman) had died.

The priest in question was a Russian Orthodox priest, and turned out to be a sadist who filled Gogol with a pathological fear of damnation and convinced him to burn most of his unpublished work (convincing him his work to be the Devil’s work).

Fyodor, being portrayed with heavy religious themes (going so far as to believe himself a God with his god complex) makes me think of the Russian Orthodox priest in the rl Gogol’s life before his death (which the priest was also responsible for. We can compare that to Fyodor ‘manipulating’ Gogol to die for the sake of the DoA’s plan to frame the Detective Agency)

Going back to whether BSD Gogol is sane or not, and my reasoning -- once again -- for why he is, is simply: A combination of religious trauma and mental illness are at work for him believing he’s trapped and his mind is a prison he must escape. And seeing as it’s implied that he is close to Fyodor (he refers to him as his ‘intimate friend’), i’m sure Fyodor has had a lot of influence over Gogol despite Gogol being one of the few who seem to follow Fyodor willingly and not under the guise of heavy manipulation and brainwashing; like that with Ivan and Hawthorne.

That is, until, Nikolai reappears after his “death”. He tells Sigma to kill Fyodor means to break free from the “brainwashing” that are emotions. And I believe here we are also seeing BSD Gogol experience a sort of break in reality as he realizes he’s been manipulated by his friend. And to break that manipulation and that trauma, he must kill the one responsible for it.

There’s also a very good meta written about Fyodor and Nikolai and how they’re two halves of a character called Kirillov in the rl Doestevsky’s novel “Demons”, and honestly! It’s one of my favorites as their relationship also seems to be built on one of understanding; as we see Nikolai mention that Fyodor is his one and only friend and the only one who truly understands him. A reflection of the rl Gogol’s lonely and messy personal life. I’ll leave that here.

This also touches base on Gogol’s idea of free will

#meta #headcanon #nikolai gogol #fyodor dostoevsky #h I IM CRYING THIS WAS SO LONG AND VERY SATISFYING TO WRITE #OKAY!!!

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hamliet · 4 years

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Pain, Fear, Death, and God: Fyodor and Gogol as Two Halves of Kirillov

God is the pain of the fear of death. Whoever conquers pain and fear will himself become God.

-Alexei Kirillov, Demons

So remember how when I first read Bungou Stray Dogs I started screeching incoherently and turned those screeches into a somewhat-coherent meta on how Fyodor in BSD was modeled after Alexei Kirillov from Dostoyesvky’s Demons?

Well, here’s the follow up.

As I said in my previous meta, Demons is (tied with Crime and Punishment) my favorite novel of all time, and Alexei Kirillov is my very favorite character of all time, in any fictional medium, ever. He’s a walking bundle of paradoxes, existential angst and stunning compassion. But Demons is not necessarily a popular novel by Dostoyevsky standards and so Kirillov, despite being written about by literary critics and Camus, is somewhat obscure. That Asagiri is so clearly inspired by his character is shocking and thrilling for me; I’m pinching myself.

The tl;dr version of Kirillov is that his whole schtick is that he wants to kill himself to prove that he is free and thereby can escape. It’s far more nuanced and complex, as I’ll go into, but essentially both Gogol and Fyodor’s philosophies and goals reflect this.

Gogol does not want to kill Fyodor because he hates Fyodor; rather, it’s because Gogol and Fyodor are two halves of a whole. They are a paradox together, embodying Kirillov’s complexity. Like Kirillov, they are suicidal, because killing one of them is like killing themselves. To achieve their goals, they both need to die.

Fyodor reminds Gogol that he is human and can connect; therefore, Gogol wants to kill him to assert his free will, as he views connections as a cage. Similarly, while we haven’t gotten much insight into Fyodor’s thoughts on Gogol, I think it’s highly likely Fyodor allowed Gogol to kill himself (he thought) because he clings to his beliefs at the expense of his (very much there) empathy, and it’s better for his goals if people who provoke his empathy die. Basically: Fyodor allowed Gogol to “die” not because he doesn’t care about him, but because he does.

For a brief background: Demons itself is an allegory about how people who become consumed by their ideas become possessed by said ideas; thus, they become devils or demons. The actual title of the novel, Бесы, is difficult to translate, hence why it has three different titles in English: The Possessed, The Devils, and Demons. The word “Бесы” in Russian refers to the ones doing the possessing, which is why the latter two are generally considered to be more accurate translations of the title. In particular, the novel demonstrates the tragic consequences of Russian nihilism and singles out moral nihilism. (It’s also looked to as a rather eerie novel, because almost everything it wrote about happening in a--then fictional--political revolution is exactly what happened in Russia a few decades later.)

As I wrote in my previous meta, Fyodor, like Kirillov, is “consumed” by his ideas, something Kirillov laments in Demons. Fyodor’s consumption with his ideals means that he is willing to sacrifice everything for his goals. Gogol, too, shares this trait.

Where they differ is in motivations for their respective plans, motives they share with Kirillov. Kirillov’s master plan is to commit suicide for two reasons: firstly, that he has free will and will thereby inspire society to live freely, and secondly, because he sees life as nonsensically painful and thereby not worth living. The first reflects Gogol’s personal aims, and the second Fyodor’s.

Let’s discuss Kirillov and Fyodor first. Kirillov believes that mankind invented God (keep in mind the context this was written in; God=Russian Orthodox Christianity) to go on living because of the absurdity of life.

Listen: this man was the highest on all the earth, he constituted what it was to live for. Without this man the whole planet with everything on it is--madness only. There has not been one like Him before or since, not ever, even to the point of miracle. This is the miracle, that there has not been and never will be such a one. And if so, if the laws of nature did not pity even This One, did not pity even their own miracle, but made Him, too, live amidst a lie and die for a lie, then the whole planet is a lie, and stands upon a lie and a stupid mockery. Then the very laws of the planet are a lie and a devil's vaudeville. Why live then, answer me, if you're a man.”

Fyodor's disgust for the world and determination to save it from the sin of abilities reflects this same attitude. Life is wrong, so it should cease to exist. Abilities are wrong, so everyone with one should cease to exist. The reason is, most likely, strongly based in how painful Fyodor’s ability has been for him.

Kirillov laments:

“God is necessary and so must exist… But I know He doesn’t and can’t… Surely you must understand that a man with two such ideas can’t go on living?”

...

“If there is no God, then I am God.”

If Kirillov is god, then he is the ultimate master of his fate. Kirillov is very aware of his own limits, and so he thinks this absurd and life pointless.

That conversation continues (Kirillov’s responses are bolded):

“There, I could never understand that point of yours: why are you God?”

“If God exists, all is His will and from His will I cannot escape. If not, it’s all my will and I am bound to show self-will.”

“Self-will? But why are you bound?”

“Because all will has become mine. Can it be that no one in the whole planet, after making an end of God and believing in his own will, will dare to express his self-will on the most vital point? It’s like a beggar inheriting a fortune and being afraid of it and not daring to approach the bag of gold, thinking himself too weak to own it. I want to manifest my self-will. I may be the only one, but I’ll do it.”

This very much reflects Gogol: killing his high moral power (connection and empathy) through the man who identifies himself as a god (Fyodor) to prove his independence and freedom.

But we’ve kind of already seen where this ends:

Gogol you’ve literally shown yourself terrified of dying (which Kirillov is as well). I know Gogol was likely acting in this scene, but given the themes of BSD and Gogol’s character, plus the fact that he did, in fact, choose not to die, I think this is likely somewhat reflective of his true feelings.

But again, Kirillov asserts:

“I am awfully unhappy, for I’m awfully afraid. Terror is the curse of man.… But I will assert my will, I am bound to believe that I don’t believe. I will begin and will make an end of it and open the door, and will save. That’s the only thing that will save mankind and will re-create the next generation physically; for with his present physical nature man can’t get on without his former God, I believe. For three years I’ve been seeking for the attribute of my godhead and I’ve found it; the attribute of my godhead is self-will! That’s all I can do to prove in the highest point my independence and my new terrible freedom. For it is very terrible. I am killing myself to prove my independence and my new terrible freedom.”

As Gogol outlined, what disrupted his plans was Fyodor’s empathy for him, and his empathy for Fyodor. Their connection literally saved his life (hence I kind of doubt their connection will kill them in the end). He cannot die without killing that connection.

Two things almost disrupt Kirillov’s plans. Firstly, and chiefly, it’s his empathy for others. Kirillov is noted to be a character who is extremely kind, good with children, and unafraid to risk himself to help others. When Kirillov finds out his friend betrayed him and is planning to use Kirillov’s suicide to get away with the murder of a third friend, Kirillov is horrified. He refuses to go through with his suicide at first, screaming in horror that his friend is dead and that he unwittingly enabled his killer to end his life. When he does ultimately go through with it, he states that it is because “I want to kill myself now: all are scoundrels.” He goes through with it because his human connections are failing.

Even the novel’s most villainous character concludes “I agree” when Kirillov is called “good.” Kirillov will stop at nothing to help his friends, and he believes all people are good and will become good if they are just told they are. However, the tragic irony of this scene is that the person speaking to Kirillov--Nikolai Stavrogin--is very much a literary example of a psychopath. (Those of you who follow me know I don��t use that word lightly.) However, Stavrogin does not want to be this way; he wants to feel, he wants to be bothered by the terrible sins he’s committed. What he’s asking Kirillov, essentially, is to understand this and call him wrong for what he did, which absolutely no one does in the novel:

“Everything’s good.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. Man is unhappy because he doesn’t know he’s happy. It’s only that. That’s all, that’s all! If anyone finds out he’ll become happy at once...

“And if anyone dies of hunger, and if anyone insults and outrages the little girl, is that good?”

“Yes! ...They’re bad because they don’t know they’re good. When they find out, they won’t outrage a little girl. They’ll find out that they’re good and they’ll all become good, every one of them.”

“Here you’ve found it out, so have you become good then?”

“I am good.”

“That I agree with, though,” Stavrogin muttered, frowning.

“He who teaches that all are good will end the world.”

“He who taught it was crucified.”

“He will come, and his name will be the man-god.”

“The god-man?”

“The man-god. That’s the difference.”

Stavrogin’s examples are based on things he’s done. Kirillov isn’t aware of these deeds, but he does know his friend’s mind better than most of their other friends. The problem is that Kirillov refuses to truly act on this empathy, to accept that men can be scoundrels and good, because he wants what he believes (that all are good) to be so. Kirillov’s too consumed with his desire to end the world (hello Fyodor) to save mankind via proving himself free to actually use his empathy to help his friends. In fact, the murderer points out to Kirillov that if he’d focused more on his friend, he might have been able to prevent the murder.

A similar attitude is reflected in Fyodor’s desire to destroy ability-users (i.e. end the world) and in his interactions with people. He doesn’t put his empathy into forming actual connections, and those he has he deliberately does not invest in (such as when he kills the kid in his introductory chapter). He kills ability users paradoxically because he cares about them and about other people. I wrote about it a bit in this meta here:

Fyodor... lives very much in a world of black and white. He makes Goncharov happy all the time, unable to experience pain or negative emotions. He believes all ability users are a sin and should be destroyed. He’s an idealist in a lot of ways, believing in absolutes (which is also a hallmark of a childish perspective...). he wants to... force every single ability user to feel his pain (that their abilities are a sin) by wiping them out. In short, Fyodor wants empathy despite refusing to listen to the feelings of others. (He understands their feelings; he just chooses to emphasize his pain over theirs.)

Unlike Kirillov, however, whose last scene is renowned as “the most harrowing in all of literature” (I can’t even describe it; it has to be read) I think there’s pretty good reason to hope that Fyodor and Gogol will not end up taking each other out. Because the thing about Kirillov, the reason his character resonates so much with me, is the second reason his plans are almost disrupted: it’s how desperately he wants to live. He just wants to know that his life matters. The way Kirillov expresses these desires is absurd in a lot of ways and certainly hyperbolic, but it’s a desire reflected in most of BSD’s characters, and in, well, a lot of us in real life, too.

Empathy and genuine human connection are the greatest powers in BSD’s world, as we saw recently through Atsushi getting the location of the page from empathizing with Sigma by telling him what he most wanted to know: that he mattered.

Sigma now knows, to an extent, that he matters. At least, he’s been told as much.

Gogol states that Sigma is key to his plans succeeding: Sigma’s ability can tell him Fyodor’s ability, which will enable Gogol to kill Fyodor. Except... Sigma’s ability might just work in an way that cultivates empathy post-connection with Atsushi. If Sigma can trust that he matters, despite having been created by the page and having been abused and subjected to all manner of lies and exploitation, he might be key to Fyodor and Gogol’s conflict resolution rather than to them actually killing each other.

Fyodor matters despite having an ability that seems to make him unable to touch people--because he can touch people with his empathy. (His empathy is, of course, literally what draws Gogol to want to kill him.) Fyodor’s empathy with Gogol has already physically saved Gogol.

Gogol matters even if he is understood by someone, because empathy is a strength and not a weakness. Someone understanding him doesn’t make him matter less, and being bound by feelings isn’t actually a bad thing. His connection with Fyodor has already saved his life.

Both Fyodor and Gogol have now saved Sigma at some point. Sigma’s design, of course, is literally split with two different colored halves of his hair, indicating that the artist likely means to symbolize the clash of two halves (see: Q, who represents how soukoku (Dazai and Chuuya) are two halves of a whole in terms of their best and worst traits). However, they exist in one person, and Sigma seems reasonably stable for someone with his situation.

Additionally, Fyodor and Gogol both are also somewhat modeled after Rodion Raskolnikov, the protagonist of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, whose name literally means “split” in Russian. (Actually, Kirillov is very much a more internal, tragic version of Raskolnikov.) Like Kirillov, Raskolnikov is a paradox embodied: he’s stunningly empathetic and kind (rushing into a burning building to save orphans), but his philosophy is that it’s fine for him to kill others because he’s a “Napoleon” (special figure; “man-god,” to use Kirillov’s term).

But what is split is ultimately made whole in Crime and Punishment. Raskolnikov meditates on the raising of Lazarus from the dead and essentially resurrects himself, redeems himself.

I highly doubt Gogol and Fyodor’s story will end with them dead because:

It’s BSD and nobody stays dead unless you’re Oda or a red shirt;

Gogol and Sigma have already served us fake-out deaths, so it’s a lot to ask your audience to buy another death from the same character (killing Fyodor is essentially Gogol killing himself);

them surviving and having Fitzgerald-esque redemption arcs very much fits with the themes of Dostoyevsky’s works and specifically with the book after which Fyodor’s ability is named;

resurrection seems to be a motif with everything involving Fyodor, from Cannibalism to this current arc.

#bsd meta #fyogol #bsd 79 #bungou stray dogs meta #fyodor dostoyevsky #nikolai gogol #alexei kirillov #demons #nikolai stavrogin #bsd sigma #sigma #atsushi nakajima #bsd theory

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