#SOMETHING SOMETHING HE REFUSES TO BREAK HIS PROMISE TO KEVIN BUT HES DESPERATE FOR A LOOPHOLE ANYWAY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-chicken-or-the-banana · 3 years

Note

Hi! There's a headcannon that has been circulating that I never saw fully written, and I love how you characterize the foxes! Basically, Andrew living the setbacks of being short (either privately or publicly), getting frustrated, and Neil comforting him

THIS IS SO FUNNY SKDJFHK also i have always wanted to write a 5+1 so tyvm for this (again, this ended up so goddamn long but. what else is new.)

read "shortcomings (honestly, fuck you tilda)" on ao3 hereeeee

———

Andrew gripped the edges of the counter. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Eye on the prize.

He squinted at the offensively orange mixing bowl that Kevin had placed far too high on the shelf earlier that day. He had planned on baking cookies (for no reason other than that he was bored), and that bowl was his lucky one: every baked good he made using it always rose perfectly.

Andrew had tried everything — stretching as far as he could, trying to move things with his mind, even going as far as going on his toes (after a cursory glance that no one was around).

He eyed the step-stool on the other side of the kitchen. He could always use that and put it back and no one would be the wiser. But no. Andrew was a fully capable adult with a reputation to uphold and he would get that bowl down by himself, dammit.

Andrew had been through hell and back, and then some. He would not be bested by cabinetry.

He rubbed his hands against his shirt before placing them back on the counter and took a running crouch. Andrew bounced lightly on his toes, mentally counted to three, and leapt up, hand reaching forward to grip at the bowl.

For one glorious moment, it really seemed like it would work.

Then the counter whacked Andrew in the gut, he smacked his head against the cabinet, and he slowly slid down to the floor, no bowl in hand.

Hmm. That wasn't supposed to happen.

He jerked his head up to glare at the stupid bowl and promptly felt extremely dizzy, slipping even further until he was collapsed entirely on the floor, limbs splayed.

That wasn't supposed to happen either.

Oh well. If he couldn't ruin his health with cookies, he might as well do it by laying on the most unhygienic piece of property he had ever seen. He supposed this was an acceptable way to go.

Andrew lay there on the dorm floor for a solid 15 minutes, willing the bowl to come down, until he heard the dorm room unlock and the sound of Neil's quiet humming filled the room. He didn't have the energy to get up though, so he flopped his legs around as Neil passed the kitchen to catch his attention.

"Oh, hey Drew," Neil shuffled further into the dorm after giving Andrew a quick glance and smile. A few seconds later, the humming stopped and Andrew saw the outline of Neil's body slowly move back into the kitchen doorway. "Um. Can I ask why you're starfished on the floor?"

Andrew sluggishly pointed upwards. "Bowl. High. Jumped. Fell."

Neil nodded knowingly. Andrew stared at him purposefully. Neil blinked.

Idiot.

"Get it for me," Andrew scowled with a well-aimed kick at Neil's ankles. Neil's eyes widened before filling with mirth. He walked forward and sat down next to Andrew's side, running a hand through his blond hair. Andrew hated himself for leaning into the touch.

"Aww, what's wrong?" Neil cooed. "Can't reach it?"

What a fucking asshole.

Andrew shot Neil a glare — he could admit that it probably wasn't super effective considering that he was on the floor with his not-boyfriend carding his fingers through his hair, but it was the thought that counted, okay! — and Neil gave him an amused look before pushing himself off the ground.

He shuffled around Andrew's limp body before giving an exasperated sigh.

"Andrew."

"Junkie."

"There is a stepstool right here."

"Yes."

"You didn't use it."

"No."

"... Why?"

Andrew shrugged in response.

He heard Neil grumbling under his breath and, a few seconds later, was rewarded with Neil's gross socks in front of his face as he went on the tips of his toes to grab at the bowl. Andrew glanced up and noticed that Neil's shorts were delightfully loose around his thighs.

Nice.

He indulged himself in the view until Neil dropped back down on the balls of his feet, holding the bowl proudly.

"Got it!" he grinned down at Andrew and flopped back down on the floor, pulling Andrew into a sitting position. Neil pressed up against him after a quick 'yes or no?' and handed over the bowl so Andrew.

"That was not fair," Andrew grumbled after a few minutes of calm silence. "You did that so easily. You're barely taller than me."

Neil nudged his shoulder and planted a kiss to the side of his head. "It's okay," he gave an annoyingly soft look. "I'll always be there to help you, whenever you need it."

Andrew huffed. "I did not ask for sentimentality, Josten. Just a bowl."

Irritatingly, this caused Neil to laugh a bit. "Okay, okay, I'll leave you with your precious bowl." He moved to get up and pressed a chaste kiss to Andrew's lips. "But for what it's worth, I think your size is perfect."

He left Andrew missing the warmth of Neil's body beside him before his brain caught up to what Neil just said.

"Josten. Josten! Was that a fucking dick joke?"

There were moments where Andrew desperately wanted to burn Neil's clothing. He understood that they were remnants of past habits that were hard to break, but surely having this many gray and brown shirts had to be criminal.

Andrew refused to be seen kissing such a heathen in public but he really only knew how to put Neil in hot club clothes rather than hot casual clothes. And so, for the sake of humanity (and his dignity), he swallowed his pride and met up with Allison Fucking Reynolds.

Their plan to snatch up Neil from the Exy court to take him shopping at the mall appeared to be going well. So far, they'd bought him some shirts, artfully ripped jeans, denim jackets, and an actually functional pair of shoes. Neil, for all his stamina, looked like he was about to collapse from the weight of the bags, so Allison and Andrew took pity on him and decided to take a lunch break.

The three of them reached the food court and made their way to a noodle shop (after Andrew extracted a promise that he could get some ice cream afterwards). He and Allison sat Neil down on a bench to guard their massive pile of bags before going up to order.

By the time they were at the front of the line, Andrew was fully prepared to stab Reynolds in the middle of the mall. In a span of five minutes, she had managed to ask him about his and Neil's sex life, when they got together, what Neil's exact sexuality was, and had Andrew ever painted his nails?

He resolutely refused to answer any of those questions, on the principle that she didn't need more money from bets than she already had.

They ordered quickly, Andrew eager to get away from Reynolds, when the cashier said something that made him stop in his tracks.

"We actually have a discount right now for kids under 12!" she said smiling. "Is that something you'd be interested in?"

Andrew squinted. Why the hell would they—

Oh. Oh no, no, no.

Allison seemed to come to the same realization that he did, because she smiled wide and tapped her nails against the counter.

"Oh, that's just perfect!" she exclaimed. "Aaron here just turned 11 a few months ago. We'll take the discount."

Aaron?!

Andrew was going to kill her.

He was still planning bloody murder as Reynolds brought their tray of food to the table. He sat down with a scowl, and though Neil shot him a curious glance, he didn't push it.

Stupid considerate junkie.

Andrew muttered a percentage under his breath and proceeded to poke Neil in the cheek with his chopsticks. After a few moments of this, Neil turned to him with a scowl.

"Andrew," he grumbled. "What are you doing?"

Andrew glared at Reynolds.

Neil gave a resigned sigh and turned to her. "Allison. What happened?"

Reynolds smirked. "Oh, nothing much. Just that the cashier thought that your boy was a literal child and gave us a discount for kids 12 and under. I told her that it was great because Aaron over there," she jabbed a finger towards Andrew. "just turned 11."

Neil looked like he was biting back a laugh but then frowned. "Okay, but arms."

"True," Reynolds conceded. "However, consider this: tiny."

The two idiots nodded like they'd figured out some indispensable secret of the universe.

Frustrated, Andrew went back to poking Neil's face; when he finally glanced back, Andrew nudged his arms and shuffled a bit closer. Thankfully, Neil actually got the hint for once and scraped featherlight fingers into Andrew's hair.

"It's okay," Neil tried. "I mean, at the end of the day, all of us are just broke college kids—"

"I'm not," Allison interrupted.

Neil rolled his stupid, pretty eyes. "Okay, most of us are broke college kids—"

"Don't you have a bunch of mafia blood money and stuff?" Reynolds asked.

"Beside the point," Neil huffed. "Fine, Andrew, you are a broke college kid—" "Gee, thanks." "— and so you should be grateful that your height is saving you some money."

"That is dumb."

"You're dumb."

"How creative."

Neil scowled and tugged on Andrew's hair. "Shut up. Drama queen."

Andrew stabbed a piece of stir fry into Neil's mouth to close that damn mouth and resolutely ignored the click of Allison's phone camera.

This was proving to be a problem.

Andrew stared at his $150 jeans, the bottom of the legs frayed and pale. He had just bought these two weeks ago. What a waste of money.

There really was only one thing left to do.

Minutes later, Andrew slammed open the door to his brother's dorm and dragged him out with Aaron demanding to know where they were going. By the time he had wrestled his idiot doppelganger to the car, Andrew was reaching. his. fucking. limit.

"Andrew, if you don't tell me where we're going, I swear I'll bite you. I'll push Neil off a treadmill and dump a bucket of mud on him. I'll throw all your ice cream in the trash. I'll—"

That last one was simply too far. He'd have to give Aaron some ground.

"Get in, loser," Andrew glared. "We're going shopping."

Thankfully, he managed to keep Aaron quiet until they reached the mall by letting him pick the music (it was country! Southern heathen). What a child.

Rich coming from you, a voice told him snidely. You can't even buy clothes for yourself properly.

Shut up, he scolded himself.

"Andrew," Aaron sighed exasperatedly when they reached the parking lot. "Can you finally tell me what we're shopping for?"

They got out of the car and Andrew raised an eyebrow as he faced Aaron. "Sex toys."

"WHAT THE FU— "

Andrew watched his brother's face turn red as he sputtered, before noticing the amusement in his face.

Aaron deflated. "Asshole," he grumped.

"Yeah, that is generally where the dildo goes."

"Shut up. I'm begging you."

Andrew decided to take pity on him and stabbed a finger towards Aaron's legs. "When did you buy those."

Aaron squinted. "My jeans?" At Andrew's nod, he looked confused. "Uh, like three or four months ago maybe. Why?"

Three or four months?! That was simply unacceptable.

"They are still in good quality," Andrew said slowly.

"...Yes?" Aaron looked lost for a few moments before his face brightened with pure, evil glee. Andrew hated the world more in that moment than he ever had before. "Oh my God. Oh my God. Are your jeans too long for you?"

"Be quiet," he snapped. "You just need to show me where you buy yours and never mention this to anyone or I'll stab you."

Aaron didn't seem as concerned as he should have been. "I don't need to do anything, dumbass. Why don't you just cuff them like me?"

"I refuse to look like a bisexual disaster."

"Hey," Aaron looked mildly offended. "That's not a bisexual thing. Right?" At Andrew's blank look, his eyes widened. "No. Oh shit. Is that why guys keep hitting on me at Eden's?"

Andrew actually blinked at that. He had not realized that his brother was really that stupid. "Aaron. Eden's is a gay bar. Obviously men will hit on you."

"Wait, it's a what— "

"Be quiet. You are coming with me now." He dragged his brother to the mall entrance as Aaron bumbled along behind him, swearing incoherently.

They weaved their way through what seemed like a million stores until Andrew walked out hours later, finally satisfied with his new haul of jeans that Aaron had oh-so-considerately helped to pick out, a few hundred dollars poorer, and two churros and an iced coffee fuller.

Andrew trudged up the stairs to his floor (perhaps this was a workout he should regularly implement in his exercise regime) while Aaron split off to find some study group or other.

By the time he reached his dorm, Andrew felt far more exhausted than the situation warranted and he blindly chucked the bags on the sofa, belatedly realizing that Neil was already sitting where the bags would land. Oops.

He sat down by Neil like the throw was entirely intentional as Neil sputtered when the plastic smacked him in the face.

"What's all this?" the junkie questioned. For fuck's sake, why did his eyes have to be so blue?

Andrew just gestured for him to take the clothes out and saw as Neil's face grew confused when he saw what he was holding.

"Jeans? Didn't you literally buy some like a week ago?"

"Two," Andrew corrected, because he was a petty bitch if nothing else. Neil rolled his stupid eyes at that but waited for Andrew to provide an explanation. Andrew heaved a regretful sigh. "The bottom of them are all frayed now"

"Frayed?" the striker's brows furrowed before his face cleared and a shit-eating smirk crossed his face. "Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying you were too short for your jeans?"

Andrew nearly stabbed him right then and there.

"Shut. Up."

"Oh my gosh. Andrew. Andrew."

When Andrew got up (not grumpily. never grumpily. (okay, maybe a little grumpily)), Neil tugged on his shirt sleeve with an apologetic grin. "Sorry, sorry, I'll stop making fun," but his eyes were squinted as he tried not to laugh and his face was flushed and his lips were red as he bit on them, and honestly, how was Andrew expected to stay annoyed after seeing that?

"I mean," Neil continued. "You're paying with whatever you have left of Tilda's life insurance, right? And it's technically her fault you're so, uh... vertically challenged because of the drugs and shit. So you buying all these jeans are like a big "fuck you" to her!"

Andrew blinked slowly at his not-boyfriend's not-cute not-endearing hand-waving and decided he could take a hit to his reputation if it kept Neil glowing like this. "Josten. Are you saying that being short is literally in my jeans?"

"Holy shit, yes."

To be fair, he had been warned. This was probably his own fault. Which he would never admit, but whatever.

It had started fine enough.

Andrew had been smoking by the windowsill as he waited for Neil to come back from his class. It was raining heavily and he felt a comfortable laze settle in his bones, so he didn't bother to open the window, despite Kevin's complaints.

"Andrew, stop smoking in here. If you want to destroy your lungs, at least do it away from me."

"Shut up and watch your damn Exy, Day."

He shut up and watched his damn Exy.

Andrew let the sounds of the game wash over him as he let his eyes droop (when did Exy become... relaxing to him? That was moderately concerning), so by the time he realized that there was an incessant beeping sound in the background, everything was too far gone to not have gone to shit.

His body finally jolted into action when he finally registered that the smoke alarm was blaring in their dorm and he heard yells coming from outside in the hallway, which probably meant an RA or some other Foxes were about to burst in and see him smoking where he wasn't supposed to. For the third time this month.

Crap.

"Day. Day! Get off your fucking computer and turn off the alarm," he hissed as he (gracefully) scrambled to the kitchen to find a towel.

"Hmm?" Kevin hummed blearily. "Oh. That. Well, I told you so."

Andrew simply could not believe it. (Well, maybe he could a bit. Kevin was just that kind of asshole frie— person.)

By the time he dampened a towel (wow, they really needed to do the dishes sometime soon), the shouts were right outside the door and he heard keys jingling in the lock. Quickly he scrambled up the table, but in his haste, kicked over a glass of water (vodka? Sprite? whatever).

He tripped over slightly and his foot splashed into the puddle on the table, causing him to cringe internally. His sock felt horribly wet and tingly, and it was nearly enough to distract him from the creaking of the door opening. Quickly, he reached up, flapping the towel near the smoke alarm to turn it off.

It wasn't enough. He couldn't reach the alarm.

In a split-second, he decided to just fuck it and leapt up to see if that would work. However, the uncomfortable feeling in his feet and the stupid smoke alarm and the fucking banging of the door made him severely misjudge his strength.

Andrew jumped a lot further forward than he expected. He flew through the air, one foot catching on the top of a chair, the other stabbed by the edge of the table. In a futile attempt to gain his balance, Andrew flailed his arms around, but that just caused the towel to smack him in the face.

Eventually, gravity took hold of him and he (and the chair) crashed into the floor, the towel mockingly flopping on his hair. Blearily, he raised his head up and saw Neil and their RA staring at him concernedly from the doorway.

Well, this was awkward. At least the beeping had stopped.

Their RA, an unfortunately attractive tennis player named Richard Addams (Nicky found it hilarious that their RA's initials were R.A.. Andrew called him 'Certified Dick™'), stepped in cautiously. "Andrew, everything okay?"

"Just peachy," he grumbled.

Neil ran to Andrew's side at the sound of his voice and pushed his blond hair out of his face. "Why peaches? They're honestly not even that good; I can only stand the really big and thick and juicy ones."

Andrew froze and even Kevin closed his laptop that. "Neil," Certified Dick™ said slowly. "Do you know what peaches are?"

"Duh," he rolled his eyes. "Fruit. That's why Nicky has a peach next to my name in his contacts. Because I like fruits."

Idiot.

"It means 'ass,' " Andrew informed him. Neil gaped.

"It means wha— "

"Okay," Certified Dick™ exclaimed cheerfully. "I'm gonna leave y'all here. Andrew, I'll assume you weren't doing anything against the rules because you are a kind person who always listens to what I say."

"Of course," Andrew said blandly. "I am a wonderful student." He fingered the edges of his armbands.

Certified Dick™ slowly backed out of the room.

Neil let out a breath and blew his hair out of his eyes. "Okay," he started. "We'll talk about the ass thing later. But first, what the hell just happened?"

Andrew pointed up at the smoke alarm.

"Well, yes, I got that, but why were you jumping around like an absolute idiot?"

"Kevin is useless," Andrew announced.

"Not true!" Kevin protested immediately. "You just never listen to me. It's not my fault that I'm always right."

Andrew glared at him and turned back to Neil. "I couldn't reach the stupid smoke alarm," he finally gritted out, bracing for someone to mock him.

It never came.

Instead, Neil gave him a cheeky grin and a wink (at least, Andrew assumed it was a wink) and turned to Kevin with a faux-annoyed stare. "Seriously, Kev? You didn't help him?"

"He got himself into his own mess," Kevin shrugged.

"Okay, and what if someone had caught him? They might have not allowed him to play Exy for a bit! Or maybe while he was trying to shut off the alarm, he could have really hurt himself!" Neil was really laying it heavy on the dramatics, brandishing his arms wildly.

Kevin's eyes widened in horror at his words. "Shit."

"Yeah," Neil nodded graveley. "Us Exy players have got to look out for each other. How else will we live to our potentials?"

Kevin looked like he was going to be sick. Quickly, he whipped open his laptop and began muttering questions on how to secretly disable smoke alarms.

"Junkie," Andrew muttered to Neil. Neil just hummed and pressed a kiss to the crook of his neck.

"Yeah," he whispered a few moments later. "Only for you."

Hmm. This was nice.

Andrew never could have imagined he would be the kind of guy to stumble over furniture while kissing his way through a room, and yet, here he was, crashing into tables and upturning chairs and tripping over bags.

He had Neil's fingers intertwined with his and was dragging him through the dorm, the kisses constantly pausing because Neil kept breaking off into small smiles and laughing into his neck. Every few steps, Andrew would take a look at his flushed junkie and absolutely forget about his plan to reach the bedroom, choosing instead to kiss him ferociously right there.

They were lucky that no one else was in the dorm.

When Andrew realized that it had taken them a solid seven minutes to walk about 15 feet past the door, he realized they would probably never reach an actual bed at the rate they were going. He told Neil as much and was rewarded with a shrug.

"I literally don't care where we end up," Neil said breathlessly before pulling him into another heated kiss. "I just wanna kiss you."

Andrew nearly snorted at that. How predictable. "I got that" he muttered. "But what do you want?"

Neil raised an eyebrow and deepened his voice mockingly. "I want nothing."

"You are actually so insufferable."

"Yeah, yeah," Neil waved him off and latched his mouth on Andrew's neck. Fuck. "Hmm," he said a few moments later. "Carry me?"

Andrew resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ever since the junkie had seen how much he lifted at the gym a few weeks ago, this had become one of his favorite requests (and really, who was Andrew to deny him?).

Nevertheless, he leaned down and grabbed both of Neil's thighs, pushing him up until his legs were secured around Andrew's waist and Andrew could comfortably hold him up, his body flush against Andrew's.

Yeah, he got why Neil liked this so much.

He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hold Neil up for though, considering that they actually had a game tomorrow and he didn't want to put up with Kevin's annoying complaints if he didn't try at least a bit. Andrew glanced around for a second before his eyes caught on the perfect place.

He adjusted his grip on Neil, causing him to let out an oof in surprise and carefully made his way to the kitchen (with only a slight amount of kissing in the middle). Andrew messily deposited Neil on the island counter and was promptly faced with another problem.

Neil was up there. Andrew was down here. How the hell were they supposed to make out now?

Andrew frowned slightly and tugged at Neil's collar. "Lean down," he commanded.

Neil complied and pressed a searing kiss to his lips, tugging at Andrew's hair, but too soon he pulled back.

At Andrew's 'yes or no?' Neil smiled down sheepishly. "It's a yes, but this angle's going to end up destroying my back."

That made no sense — whenever Andrew sat on the counter, he never had to lean down that much. He reasoned that the weight of being an Exy junkie was finally catching up to Neil's spine, though.

"Well," Andrew huffed. "I'm not going up on my toes."

"Why would you need to go on your toes?" Neil looked genuinely confused as Andrew frustratedly gestured at the air between them. "Wait, wait. Can you not reach me if I'm sitting up here?"

Andrew's thoughts came to a halt.

He pulled back (well, as much as he could while still staying in Neil's arms) and squinted suspiciously at his not-boyfriend. "Can you normally reach me when I sit up?"

"Well, yeah," Neil blinked. "I mean, I have to stretch a little bit but it's usually fine."

What.

Unceremoniously, Andrew yanked Neil off the counter and sat himself up (he pretended not to notice the stare that Neil gave when he flexed his arms). He hooked his ankles around Neil and dragged him closer, coming nearly forehead-to-forehead.

Forehead-to-forehead. Neil could reach him.

Andrew let out an uncharacteristic groan and dropped his head on Neil's surprisingly comfy shoulder. Neil snorted quietly and patted his head.

"It's okay, Drew," he said, his voice muffled but teasing as he pressed a kiss to the top of Andrew's head. "Maybe next time we can get you a stool or something. That'll be real attractive."

Andrew scowled and kicked him in the leg.

Neil's voice softened as he lowered his arms to rub soft circles on his back. "But I'm serious Andrew, it's okay." He pressed a soft kiss to Andrew's collarbone, the underside of his jaw, the corner of his lips. "Does this feel good?"

Andrew swallowed. Hiding from Neil was a fight he knew he'd lose, and there was no point prolonging the inevitable. "Yes."

"Then that's all I need. Making you feel good makes me feel good," he whispered. "I really like this, what we do right now. And if you want, we can still find more positions that feel really good. Don't stress, we have time."

"Hmm," Andrew said a few moments later. "That is all fine and well, but actually, we now only have about 20 minutes until Kevin comes back from class, and I would highly appreciate it if you could get me off sometime soon."

"Asshole. We were totally having a moment."

"Next to a bowl of apples."

"Rude. I bet those apples appreciated the conversation."

Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil's idiocy, but kissed him hard to convey everything he felt: you care, you listen, you are okay with me, you are safe for me. Neil seemed to get the message, because his body softened under Andrew's grip as he kissed him back eagerly.

When they finally pulled apart, Andrew felt heavy and sated and secure in the way he only associated with Neil. He looked into Neil's blown-out pupils, the blue peeking brightly at the edges of his eyes as he slowly brought Neil's hand to the waistband of his jeans.

"Right," Andrew tried for a nonchalant tone. The slight voice-crack may have betrayed him, but whatever. "Take off my pants now?"

South Carolina winters were shit.

Growing up in Oakland meant that he was pretty used to cold winters and hot summers, but usually things only got unbearably chilly at night, when he could pile tons of blankets on himself. Unfortunately, winters in the South brought biting wind and snow. All day long.

Andrew hated the cold (sure, he could walk around with a blanket draped over him like a cape in his dorm (he did. occasionally), but alas, he actually had a reputation to uphold)

And yet, when Nicky and Dan enthusiastically told Neil about their stupid plan and Neil had sent a stupid questioning gaze to Andrew's stupid face, he sure as fuck couldn't use "the cold" as an excuse to deny those eyes.

So he bundled up into a turtleneck, a sweater, a thin jacket and a snow one, a beanie, a pair of gloves, leggings and then sweatpants, and his warmest socks (Andrew decidedly ignored Neil's snickers, who was annoying dressed in just a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. how rude.)

The so-called Monsters trampled down to the parking lot outside the Tower, boots sinking deep into the snow. Andrew shivered at the sudden wind and if he walked a little closer to Neil's hot warm body — well, no one needed to know.

Within seconds of their arrival, Andrew was regretting coming out.

A massive snowball soared through the air and slammed into Aaron's face, who promptly fell on his ass from the force of it.

"What the fuck?" he sputtered, wiping snow out of his eyes.

"HA!" Reynolds hollered. "Take that!"

"Oh dear," Neil muttered. "I didn't expect this much violence from the start."

"We are Foxes," Andrew scoffed. "Violence is the whole point."

"Actually, there's this one piece of shit in my Stats class and he tried to tell me I was wrong — I wasn't, by the way — and instead of punching him, I just very mathematically proved how incompetent he was and I told him that his parents' miscalculation when it came to conceiving him evidently got passed on to him in the form of his nonexistent math skills. So. No violence."

Andrew wasn't sure if he should kiss Neil or smack him. "Right. Because verbal annihilation is a very tame response."

"Since when have you been such a peacemaker?"

"Renee."

"You two literally beat the shit out of each other every week."

Andrew shrugged. "Semantics."

"I really don't think— "

Their conversation was rudely interrupted by Matt throwing a snowball mere inches away from Andrew's face. At his glare, Matt promptly ran behind a car.

"Neil," Andrew sighed. "I hate you."

"I didn't force you to be here," Neil pointed out. "Could've said no. What did Nicky call you? 'Whipped.' So ha." With that profound statement, Neil ducked and dumped a handful of snow down the back of Andrew's shirt.

"Ha," Andrew said back smugly. "Layers." Neil looked betrayed.

"Layers. I forgot."

"I didn't."

"Asshole."

"Yup."

Neil scowled and kicked at Andrew's highly sturdy snow boots petulantly. Andrew refrained from rolling his eyes turned towards him. "Yes or no?"

"Oh," Neil perked up. Junkie. "Yes, yes."

Andrew jabbed him in the stomach and when Neil keeled over groaning, he pressed a kiss to his lips and shoved his head under Neil's chin.

"Personal heater," Andrew explained. Then he grabbed Neil's arms and tucked them around his waist. This was good.

"Right," Neil snorted. "Naturally. I can't wait until someone throws a snowball at your face and you get all cold and wet."

Andrew scowled. How rude.

"Oi, Minyard!" Dan called and Andrew sighed before wiggling around until he was facing her, back flush against Neil's front. "This is for drawing mustaches all over the pictures in the Court!"

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "You have no proof— "

His protests were cut off with the sight of a snowball hurtling full speed at him. He made to jump out of the way (maybe Exy was good for something after all), but Neil's arms around him proved to be a real hindrance.

As it was, he got jerked back into place, the snowball inches in front of him. Andrew shut his eyes, hoping he could use this as an excuse to drag Neil into the dorm to warm up, when he heard an "oof" from behind him.

Andrew twisted around to find Neil's face covered in an explosion of snow, water dripping down his shocked expression.

His eyelashes were nice. Hmm.

"Wh- What?" he shivered. "How is there snow on my face? Wasn't it supposed to land on you?"

Oh.

Andrew brushed off some snow that had settled on his cheekbones before stepping back a bit (still in Neil's arms. that was necessary). And Neil was right, it was odd, the snowball was supposed to hit him and instead, it had smashed itself on Neil.

"I believe," Andrew said slowly. "My height has proved to be advantageous."

"Advan— you mean you were so short the snowball literally missed you and hit me?!"

"Yup," Andrew felt extremely self-satisfied. "See, had you been shorter, this wouldn't have happened. Alas, there's just more of you to hit when you're tall."

"That— I— Andrew!"

"That's my name."

"Ugh. I am cold and wet and very much not liking this," Neil grumbled.

"Bet you wish you had as many jackets as me, huh?" Andrew crowed.

"You could always give one of them to me," Neil said as he yanked Andrew back against him.

"I could. Not feeling it, though."

"Bastard."

"Just a little," Andrew agreed. He tilted his head up to look at Neil and oh, that angle was good, his lips were right there, how did Andrew never notice that Neil's eyelashes framed his eyes so nicely?

Hmm. If this was the view, maybe his height had some... unforeseen perks that extended beyond snowball fighting.

"I win," Andrew told Neil seriously. At his confused expression, Andrew was forced to sigh out an explanation. "You are very pretty from down here."

"Oh?"

"Shut up."

"I think you're pretty too."

"198%."

"Kiss me?"

"Ugh, if you insist."

Andrew leaned up to press his lips to Neil, dutifully ignoring the cheers from behind him, as Neil placed a hand under his chin to tilt him up further, which felt very nice.

Yeah, Andrew was living the good life. He had a maybe-boyfriend who was the perfect height and a brother and cousin who might actually stay, and he was content and safe and— really fucking cold because there was a ball of snow sliding down his neck what the fuck what the fuck what the fu— .

"NICKY."

"Shit. Sorry!"

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bbangsoonie · 3 years

Text

one more minute

member: sangyeon genre: angst word count: 2,487 synopsis: survival of the fittest is the reigning rule of nature. so when a zombie apocalypse breaks out, you don’t have much hope but sangyeon is set on keeping you safe. warning(s): death

When the apocalypse first broke out, you lost all hope and will. With your physical condition, you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long. And quite frankly, you didn’t want to.

Your chances of survival were low. Your asthma and lack of athleticism didn’t give you a good hand. And on top of that, you weren’t sure if you wanted to survive if it meant being unable to live.

What were you fighting so hard for? To merely stay alive in the midst of chaos?

But Sangyeon refused to let you give up. He claimed responsibility for your life and pushed you to fight. You two banded together with a group of other survivors. And for a while, you created a system that worked. The thirteen of you managed well by relying on each other.

Until you lost Hyunjoon.

Then the group was shaken to the core. Fear kept you all locked up in an abandoned warehouse. And inevitably, food and supplies began to run low. Including necessary medical supplies.

You always felt bad about having to risk everyone’s lives to raid hospitals. You knew that your existence was more of a burden than of help. You couldn’t contribute much but required a lot of things. Honestly, you were tired of it as well. But you were too ashamed to tell that to Sangyeon, who had given his very best into keeping you alive.

After another asthma attack, you were laying on a makeshift bed with your hand tightly wrapped around the last inhaler. And as always, Sangyeon remained by your side.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun, Juyeon, and Kevin had returned empty handed. Their search for food had been futile and only ended up with Kevin sustaining an injury. You watched as Jacob tended to his wounds and Changmin rationed the remaining cans of food.

“This world has gone to hell,” your breath rasped in your throat.

“Hey, it’s not completely unbearable. We still have each other,” Sangyeon forced a smile.

You and Sangyeon had grown up as childhood friends. Of course, you were no longer just friends anymore. Yet, you also weren’t anything more. You couldn’t afford the luxury of dating in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. You were too busy meeting basic needs to pursue a romantic relationship.

The love between you two remained unspoken but you both knew each other’s feelings. It was why you continued to live in such a shitty world. Sangyeon was quite literally the reason you were alive. Without him, you would have died long ago.

But you had a feeling you wouldn’t be able to last much longer. At least, not without obtaining more inhalers.

“How are you holding up, Y/n?” Haknyeon asked.

You weakly offered a thumbs up in response. He understood the true meaning behind your answer.

Chanhee was discussing logistics with Younghoon, who was quietly nodding his head as he listened. Seeing Sunwoo and Eric having a serious conversation brought you a sense of pity. Hyunjoon’s death had stripped them of the last sliver of joy that they had left.

Sangyeon, who had been observing your features, brushed a stray strand of hair away from your face. At his touch, your attention returned to him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you more medicine,” he reassured.

“I want to go alone this time,” you hesitantly stated.

His expression immediately hardened as he quickly rejected your idea. Not wanting to hear more, he stood up to leave but you caught a hold of his wrist.

“I can’t keep placing you guys in danger for me. It’s time I pull my own weight,” you insisted.

“Then I’ll go with you,” he said.

You knew he wouldn’t back down. So with a sigh, you meekly nodded.

When Sangyeon brought up the proposal to the group, Jacob instantly shook his head. He asserted that it was way too risky. The group had always traveled outside in trios, minimum.

But you held your ground, even after Jaehyun offered to go as well. Unable to win over your stubbornness, the group reluctantly agreed to let you and Sangyeon go by yourselves.

When the morning came, you awoke to Chanhee packing you a backpack full of emergency tools. He had tried to stay aloof during his time with the group but you could tell that he had grown fond of everyone. He didn’t show it but Hyunjoon’s death had impacted him a lot.

“You have to return. No matter what. You must come back unharmed,” he demanded as he handed you the bag.

You surprised him with a hug. It took him a second to register what was going on before he slowly patted your back.

“Thanks for everything, Chanhee,” you smiled.

“Don’t say that. It sounds like a good-bye,” he frowned. “You can thank me later.”

Chuckling, you nodded as you slung the bag around your shoulders. You said your farewells to the rest of the members, promising to come back by the evening. Eric, as always, teared up watching people walk past the doors of safety.

You and Sangyeon stepped into the pending hands of doom, unaware that it would be the last time walking down these flight of stairs for one of you.

Sangyeon’s hand tightly held yours as you two navigated your way to the hospital. Luckily, the trip there was rather uneventful. The streets of Seoul were eerily quiet. You could barely remember what the booming city used to look like.

Once you got to the hospital, you snuck past roaming zombies in the hallways to quietly reach the supply room. Carefully closing and locking the door behind you, you let out a sigh of relief.

You began to grab bottles of whatever medicine there was and stuffed them into your backpack while Sangyeon searched for inhalers. Unfortunately, there were only a couple left in stock. A wave of disappointment and stress washed over him.

Peeking at his troubled expression, you tried to show him the bright side. You now had a bunch of disinfectants and pain killers.

At that moment, a crash was heard outside. You clung onto Sangyeon’s shirt and your eyes widened in shock. He held a finger up to his lips, signaling for you to stay silent as he tried to hear what was going on beyond the door.

“Bomin!” a female voice shrieked before another crash was heard.

Then you heard it. The crowd of growling zombies rushing towards whoever was outside. Your heart pounded fiercely against your chest as they struggled to fight off the monsters. And then broke when human voices were no longer heard.

When you and Sangyeon didn’t arrive by nightfall, Sunwoo couldn’t help but assume the worst.

“You don’t think something went wrong, do you?” he nervously bit his lip in concern.

“No. There must have been a slight delay. They’ll be back tomorrow,” Younghoon gulped. His words were more to convince himself rather than Sunwoo.

“Let’s trust them and wait,” Juyeon said, comforting Eric.

Meanwhile, you were stuck inside the supply room. Leaving was no longer a feasible option with the hoard of zombies outside the door. So you spent the night there, sleeping next to Sangyeon to stay warm.

When you woke up, you knew that you couldn’t hide forever. If you didn’t die outside, you would die of starvation inside.

After coming up with a strategy, you and Sangyeon prepared to escape. You waited until most of the groaning sounds faded further away to slowly open the door and check your surroundings. To your relief, there were only a few of the creatures nearby.

Sangyeon’s heart sank at the sight of blood on the floor. It hadn’t been there the day before.

Quietly, the two of you crept towards the emergency staircase. As you went down a few floors, you relaxed, thinking that you were now safe.

It turned out that it was too early to let your guard down.

Right before you got to the basement parking lot, you heard a familiar noise that sent chills down your spine. You didn’t have time to warn Sangyeon before a zombie jumped on him. He fought with all his strength but the surprise attack had caught him off guard. He was struggling to stop it from tearing him apart.

Without thinking, you flung forward to shove it off of him. The action prompted the zombie to focus on you instead. You yelped as you were thrown to the ground and panicked as you tried to avoid its aggressive mouth.

In unlucky timing, you felt a sharp pain in your lungs.

“Oh no,” you thought. You couldn’t be having another asthma attack. Not now. Not when you were already on the brink of death.

That brief moment of weakness was enough for the zombie to gain an advantage. You screamed in pain when you felt another sharp pain. This time, it was on your arm.

Sangyeon barely managed to kill the zombie by bashing its head into the wall. Your hands shook as you desperately rummaged through your bag to find an inhaler. By the time you sprayed the drug, Sangyeon rushed to your side.

In a hurry, you tugged your sleeves to cover the bite mark. He helped you sit up as he made sure you were okay.

“Y/n, are you crazy? What were you thinking?” he yelled.

“You’re safe. That’s all that matters,” you weakly smiled. You tried your best to act fine but your mind was occupied with the pain from your arm.

You leaned on him as you entered the empty parking lot. Finding refuge in an unlocked car, Sangyeon urged you to rest for a few hours before making your way back home.

Home. What a funny word.

In the span of a year, a rundown warehouse had turned into your home. And before you knew it, a group of strangers had become your new family.

Your head was already starting to blur. Flashes of memories flooded your thoughts.

Sangyeon, your best friend. Your could’ve-been, should’ve-been, would’ve-been lover. You still vividly remembered the day he pounded on your door after the mayhem first broke out. Since then, he had been your survival partner. Even throughout all the turmoil, he always brought you a small gift from every outing. In the spring, it was a flower. In the fall, it was a cookie he managed to find.

Jacob, the angel. He was a breath of fresh air in a society where people’s hearts had turned stone cold. He had been the one to gather the survivors together.

Younghoon, the quiet one who took care of people behind the scenes. Like Chanhee, he seemed distant at first. But he was just shy and clumsy at expressing himself.

Jaehyun, the fighter. He was the first to volunteer for any task. He always burdened himself with the responsibility of keeping everyone out of harm’s way.

Juyeon, the one everyone relied on emotionally. He could sense when you were down and brought it upon himself to cheer you up.

Kevin, the selfless one. He prioritized others’ needs before his own. He had trained extra hard to become one of the strongest members.

Chanhee, the secretly soft-hearted one. Your last memory of him handing you the backpack brought a small smile to your lips.

Changmin, the level-headed one who turned into an innocent child when hanging out with the younger members.

Haknyeon, the goofy one who had matured way too early. Despite his young age, he was skilled and dependable.

Sunwoo, the one whose heart was too pure for this world. You hated to see the light in his eyes slowly fade throughout the months.

Eric, the moodmaker who received so much love from everyone. He truly cared for each and every member and never lost touch with his humanity.

And lastly, Hyunjoon. The one who had departed from the world too soon. He had so many unfulfilled dreams and you missed his bright smile.

By the time you regained consciousness, Sangyeon had fallen asleep next to you. You shakily took a breath as you examined the wound on your arm. You knew you didn’t have much time left.

You glanced over at his sleeping face. He seemed at peace. Wanting this to be your last memory, you spent some time watching his chest slowly rise and fall in rhythm. You endured the growing pain as you prayed for just one more minute with him. Just one more second.

Eventually, it became too hard to hold back the groans that fought to escape your throat. You dug into your bag to find the gun meant to be used as a last option. Your grip on the weapon tightened as you trudged away from the car.

Before you got too far, however, Sangyeon stirred from the sounds. Alarmed by your sudden disappearance, he quickly exited the vehicle to see you with a firearm.

“Y/n,” his voice held so much fear. You didn’t have the confidence to face him.

“It’s too late,” you choked.

It was only then that he finally noticed the blood dripping from your arm. He felt his world crumble down as you started to convulse.

“It’s okay,” he said as he approached you. “I’ll still take care of you. I’ll make sure that no one hurts you and that you won’t hurt anyone either.”

“I don’t want to become one of them. You know I’d rather die than become something that’s stuck between life and death. Something that threatens your life,” you cried.

“But I can’t let you die!” he yelled.

“It’s time to let me go, Sangyeon,” you begged as a tear rolled down your cheek.

“Y/n, look at me. Please,” he pleaded.

You didn’t want him to see you like this. But you didn’t have a choice when he tugged at your sleeve to make you turn around. Your skin was already beginning to discolor and he knew what was coming.

Full of desperation, he pulled you in for a hug. One arm clung onto your torso as the other embraced your head. He sobbed into your neck, making you weep as well.

“I lived a lot longer than I should have,” you assured.

“24 years is not long at all,” his voice cracked.

Wanting to spare him from having to shoot you himself, you slowly detached yourself from him. You had to do it yourself soon.

“Take the bag and go back to the others,” you sadly smiled.

“I can’t leave without you,” he cried. But he knew he had to.

You told him to close his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see your end. With your vision clouding more and more, you stumbled away from him and hid behind a van. You fell to the ground and your hands trembled as they brought the gun to your head.

“I love you, Lee Sangyeon,” you whispered before pulling the trigger.

a/n: heavily inspired by the character park yoori from sweet home and golden child’s “burn it” music video

#deobiwritersnet #the boyz angst #tbz angst #sangyeon angst #the boyz sangyeon angst #the boyz #tbz #sangyeon #the boyz sangyeon #the boyz fic #tbz fic #sangyeon fic #the boyz scenarios #tbz scenarios #sangyeon scenarios #the boyz imagines #tbz imagines #sangyeon imagines

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phantaloon-books · 3 years

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Alright I got a couple comments asking for a continuation so here's part 2 of neil finding out the feds were onto smth when they recommended witness protection program

part 1

(Also thank you so much, I genuinely didn't expect such a good reception, everything I write is purely self indulgent)

Andrew is gonna fucking lose it. It's been over three weeks and not a single word from Neil fucking Josten. He's never hated him more, and this time he means it when he says hate. Actually he's not sure he hates himself or Neil more, but he feels hatred and rage and that's what matters. But of course the rabbit just left. Once a rabbit, always a rabbit.

He wanted so desperately to believe that, that Neil chose to run, that he chose to leave him them and keep running because that's what he knows best. Even if believing Neil chose to leave hurts him more than he'll ever admit, it's the best thing to believe. It's best to believe that Neil left than to believe something happened. It's best to believe Neil grew tired and bored of him them than to listen to the worry and dread Andrew's been feeling for months. It's best to believe Neil didn't want him than to let himself think of worst case scenarios.

But he can't make himself think that Neil left willingly and because he wanted to (and not it's not because he wants to believe that Neil wouldn't leave him). Neil would never run without his things, not without his stupid binder and money and contacts, not without clothes or any resources. If he ran away he would do it properly. He wouldn't leave with running clothes and his stupid flip phone. And most importantly Andrew knows that Neil has been restless lately. He's seen the way Neil checks every corner or every place, observes the people, looks for threats. He'd left those habits behind, so something has to have happened. Neil didn't just leave him.

The best thing is the other foxes aren't convinced Neil would run either. He had no one to run from, and he had a family now. And even if he was feeling overwhelmed or anxious, he would have come back. He wouldn't have taken three weeks. So they know, they know, Neil didn't leave because he wanted or needed to. And they're all anxious as hell about that bc if he didn't leave where is he?

They narrow it down eventually, and conclude that he got in a fight and is dead in a ditch somewhere, he had an accident in a coma in a hospital somewhere, he somehow got lost and/or lost his memory, someone killed him accidentally or not and his body is buried somewhere far away, or he's been taken. And Andrew cannot take the stress that he doesn't know where the fuck Neil is any longer.

He almost killed Kevin and several federal agents when Neil went missing for a few hours. This time, he hasn't tried to kill anyone yet but that hasn't stopped him from tearing every dorm apart and the stadium and the police station and the hospital and getting in fights with the FBI. He's desperate enough that he called Browning, hell, he's desperate enough that he contacted the Moriyamas, which wasn't a pleasant experience, but Ichirou had promised Neil protection and this definitely called for mafia intervention. So far neither the FBI or the Moriyamas had helped - yes they had, they informed him regularly that they were looking for Neil, but they had nothing, no clues no trails, and Andrew couldn't believe their incompetence, like for fucks sake the Moriyamas were yakuza, they ought to know what could have happened to one of their most valuable assets. And anyway if he ran, and wasn't taken, they for sure would be behind him, looking to kill him of course, but they still couldn't find him.

Andrew hasn't tried to kill anyone yet but he will soon if he doesn't find Neil, and he's sure he will start with himself. He can't remember the last time he slept or ate well, or went to exy practice, but he doesn't care. He can't care until he knows something. The lack of knowledge is driving him crazy. At this point knowing that Neil is dead and has been rotting in the countryside of Poland would be better than not knowing anything.

He hates this so much. He hates Neil for disappearing. He hates whoever went and got him. He hates the Moriyamas for not being able to find him and not keeping him safe in the first place. He hates himself for becoming so attached. He should have known better. He knew better. He knew it was a bad idea to feel all the things he feels for Neil, especially because it's Neil, the unpredictable rabbit. But he fell for the fake hope that they would make it, that he wouldn't be hurt again, that Neil would stay. He knew letting someone in again could kill him. He knows that if they don't find him, it will. He can't keep going like this. He was stupid enough to feel hopeful, but he won't be able to live once the hope dies.

He's laying in Neil's bed. He knows it's pathetic, but frankly he doesn't care. Everyday is worse than the last one. He's slipping and when he falls it's game over, he's going to make sure of that. If Neil genuinely cared, he'd be pissed at Andrew for even thinking about this. No he'd be upset, but not pissed, about the fact that he's considering taking his life over this. But he opened the door to feelings, and he won't be able to cope with them and he won't be able to close that door again. He's giving up.

Faint buzzing interrumps his thoughts. Someone's calling him. He couldn't stomach the runaway song that matched with Neil's but he couldn't stomach changing it either, so he leaves in on vibrate now. He looks at his screen. It's an unknown number. Most likely the FBI or the Moriyamas or a random police station ready to take him out of his misery and just tell him they found Neil's body. The code says it's from Minnesota. He considers not answering, but he might as well get over it.

He flips the phone open, "I only care about this if you are from the FBI or the literal mafia, so if you aren't from either, feel free to hang up." The other line stays silent for a few seconds, but when he looks at his phone, it's still going. The person didn't hang up. He doesn't have the patience for this. "I'm just gonna hang up then-"

"Andrew, wait." It's barely a hesitant whisper. The voice is absolutely shattered, rough and hoarse and very painful-sounding. There's wheezing too and labored breaths. But god. No matter how wrecked he sounds, he'd recognize that voice anywhere. In half a second he's up and falling from the bed in his haste, alert at last. He can't believe it. He wants to but he doesn't want to believe the call is real.

"Neil? Neil is that you?" He hates how vulnerable he sounds, but the thought dies quickly. There's no way, no way this is real. A sob breaks through the line, and oh it sounds so full of pain and fear.

"Andrew, I-I need you to stay safe. I don't know if they're coming for you, for the foxes. I need you to find a place where you're safe. Call Browning or Ich- the little Lord and make sure they can protect you guys for a while."

Okay that's definitely Neil even if he didn't answer the question. And Andrew's heart is going a thousand miles an hour, he doesn't feel his body anymore.

"Neil where are you? I'm coming to get you, I'll call Browning but where are you?"

"'Drew," another sob, and this one manages to break Andrew's walls more than than the whispered 'Drew', "promise me you'll stay safe, don't come looking for me, you can't take them down, please don't come looking for me."

The exhaustion and terror in his voice doesn't sit well with Andrew. The Neil he knows is not this. "For fucks sake Neil just tell me where in Minnesota you are, I'm coming to get you."

"No- no you're not, I'm not calling you because I want you to come. I just need you to promise you'll be safe."

"Neil who took you? Where are you? I can send the FBI or the japanese shits over, I swear to god I can send them to come get you if you just tell me where you are and who took you. I'll - I'll try my best to keep the others safe, but who took you?"

"I'm sorry, Andrew, I- I didn't mean to, please believe I didn't mean to leave, they- some of the Butcher's pals found me, I'm so sorry- I put all of you in danger again."

"Okay, that's something we can work with, now where are you Neil?"

"Andrew-" his breath hitches, he gasps and whimpers, "I'm so sorry, I have to go, I need to leave Andrew. Please stay safe. Look I- I love you okay? I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier."

"Neil wait don't hang up-"

And the line goes dead.

The world is falling apart, collapsing all around Andrew. He's numb but he feels encompassing terror. He can't feel a thing, he can't think. He was so close. It feels like Neil just slipped past his fingers, like he just let go of Neil and let him fall to the darkness. He thinks he may be falling too. He needs to call Browning. He does it instinctively, he doesn't register he has his phone to his ear until the FBI agents voice is calling to him. He also goes with what he's gonna say with the same instinct he pulled in Baltimore, knowing he can't mention certain mafia.

"Neil just called me, I have no idea from where, I have no idea how he got a hold of me, he didn't say a thing, he refused to say a thing other than we're in danger, the foxes, and that whoever took him will come for us- oh and apparently it's someone involved with the Butcher."

How he managed to be as apathetic and unattached to everything he said is beyond him. But whatever he says and whatever Browning says, FBI agents are now guarding them in the locker room of the Foxhole Court, with mattresses and mats laid down on the floor. and he doesn't know how they got here and he's cuffed all over again, but this time to Renee even if he doesn't remember being violent. Even the stupid rookies are here, looking extremely panicked and terrified despite most of them not giving a fuck that Neil was gone just hours ago. The other foxes - Neil's family - are pressing Andrew for answers, but he can't deal with anything at the moment.

He needs to call Ichirou too. That's the call that matters, because that's the call that can bring Neil home because he can't do that himself while cuffed to Renee and being guarded by the fucking FBI. He somehow convinces the agent to let him make a call, to his therapist he says, to grant him privacy even if that's utter bullshit. He's dragging Renee into the eye of the storm but oh well, why did they cuff him to her in the first place, it's not his fault. He calls the Moriyama representative he's been dealing with and thank Renee's god the woman answers.

"I need to talk to- to Lord Ichirou, it's about Neil Josten's whereabouts, I got important information about him." He can feel both the condescension from the other end of the line and poorly veiled shock from Renee. "I know where he is, I know about who's got him, I need to talk to Lord Moriyama."

He isn't sure how he managed it. He doesn't know how he convinced them to let them talk to their mafia boss, or how he's able to keep his cool for long enough to actually talk to the man himself. He thinks having Renee there, who asks no questions and keeps her hand on top of Andrew's with no hesitation, is part of the solution but he's not admitting that. Either or, he talks to Ichirou (he can't deny he's not terrified of messing up with the man who keeps Neil alive, but he's not admitting that either), reminds him of how Neil is important to the Moriyamas, both as an exy player and as a Wesninski, and how Neil, Kevin and Jean are loyal to the Moriyamas, hints at how Ichirou promised protection. He has perfect memory, but he will never remember how he convinced Ichirou Moriyama to send people to Minnesota and look for him all over the state and surrounding states, all he knows is that Ichirou stuck to his promise, all is good, he didn't fuck up.

Weeks pass again, nothing happens. There's no news from the Moriyamas, the FBI keeps telling him they're doing what they can. Andrew is done. No one came looking for them at least, which is nice bc they didn't die but it doesn't feel worth it when Neil wasn't back. He feels stupid for hoping he would come back safe and alive. The Moriyamas might as well have killed him for being such an inconvenience. Things are going to hell. Andrew was an idiot for falling so hard for Neil Josten. It was a mistake. He should have known better.

His anger is gone, and numbness has settled. It was becoming a habit for him to remain lying down most of the day. It was also becoming a habit for the foxes to take care of him when he did this. He can't even bother to shower if someone doesn't remind him every day, or eat, or drink water for that matter. He's a mess and he would be incredibly embarrassed if he cared a little, but he's slipping and he doesn't mind falling. Nothing is fine. Until it is.

It comes in the form of a text one morning, while he's lying on the couch in the living room. An unknown number again, New York code, and it only reads, "Threat has been dealt with - I". And what the fuck does that mean. It tells him absolutely nothing. If Ichirou bothered to text him he could at least be clear as to what the fuck that meant. Was Neil even alive? There is a soft knock at the door. Of course, someone bothers him when no other fox is at the dorm. They couldn't ditch every class to make sure Andrew didn't combust spontaneously.

He truly doesn't want to get up. He doesn't want to go answer the door. It's too much a bother. If it's someone important they'll either knock again aor shout for him to open up. He curls up in bed. He honestly wants to disappear. There's another knock, a little harder than the first. But there's no voice, no demand, no nothing. Maybe it's a Moriyama. Maybe he'll feel so disrespected or whatever he's gonna barge in and end his misery. Whatever. "Fuck off", he shouts from the couch, hoping for the best. There's another knock, for fuck's sake, can they just walk in already? Another, and he's up. Pissed and going for the door.

"Fucking hell, what do you want?" His anger is back with a passion, and he's practically stomping to the door, throwing it wide open, "Just barge through the fucking door, and get it over with-"

He has to stop exploding when people don't answer to him right away. Maybe he should work on his patience. Because frankly it has been working against him at the worst times. No it's not his fault. It's the idiot's fault for appearing at out nowhere and stealing his breath away. Everything is Neil Josten's fault.

"Hey Drew," said idiot's voice is impossibly more hoarse than when he called him before. Andrew can't tell if his heart is beating too fast or not at all. He thought he was a mess, but Neil looks like he's been through hell and back. Well, he's been through hell and back too many times before, but he's never looked this bad, and he was a mess after Evermore. His face is beaten so badly, so swollen, if he didn't know him and those stupidly blue eyes so well. Even his eyes are different, there's no spark, they're dull and hazy. He's wearing a large hoodie and sweatpants, so Andrew can't see the damage beyon his face, but at least his hands remain okay, there's no new damage. "Looks like I still have it in me to leave you speechless, huh."

Andrew takes a deep breath and he sighs. And his heart breaks. Neil. Neil. Neil is here. Andrew wants to craddle him and hold him and never let him go again. He doesn't care if it's soft, Neil is here. He raises his hands, frames Neil's face like he has before. He presses a hand to Neil's neck, looking for a pulse, and he finds it. He's alive.

"Neil," he breathes, and he feels. He feels. "You're alive, I thought, you-"

They're both silent. Andrew doesn't notice when Neil raises his hands, framing his own face. They've been here before.

"I'm not leaving you, I promised right? You're not getting rid of me that easily. "

He hates feeling this much, "You've got some explaining to do, but- it can wait."

"That's good yeah, because I'm not sure how much longer I can remain conscious and the Moriyamas weren't the best at patching everything up, so I'd really appreciate it if you call Abby."

He doesn't trust himself to open his mouth, so he guides Neil inside, holding on to his hand like a tether. Neil deflates, he grimaces as Andrew helps him to the couch. He's obviously hiding something below the clothes. Andrew stands to call Abby, but Neil grips his hand tightly. When Andrew looks up, he sees the fear and exhaustion he heard on the call weeks ago. Neil isn't able to keep up the act of being okay for long.

"Stay, pl- just," he looks away, and Andrew doesn't know how to feel about the pause, he didn't say the word, "can you stay?"

And he does. Things aren't fine. Neil is a mess. So is Andrew. They have to work through stuff. Andrew clearly has to work on the apparent dependancy issues. But they'll have time now. Neil is safe. He's alive and safe. He lost consciousness not long after he sat down, but Abby, Wymack and the foxes are on their way. They're not fine. But Neil is lying next to him, and he isn't gonna let him go again. They'll be fine.

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foxeshaveclaws · 4 years

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When I know the time is right for me--An AFTG Headcanon

This is for @thebashfulpoet for the @aftgexchange! I wanted to make this a full fic but with life I knew I couldnt do it justice, so have a 1.4k long headcanon soulmate AU! I really hope you enjoy it! <3 (also, i deffo stole the title from “I Have A Dream” by ABBA which is REALLY funny once u read it, trust me)

Imagine a soulmate AU where you share dreams as long as you are both asleep and dreaming at the same time

The first time Andrew and Neil meet it's when they are little kids,around 6 or 7. Neil is sitting on a swing set in a park and Andrew just shows up and is like “what are you doing?” and Neil just goes “swingin” and Andrew gets so upset at this weird auburn haired boy that he wakes himself up out of sheer spite.

That's pretty much how it goes over the next few years.

They meet in dreams and have short conversations but both of them kind of refuse to talk about themselves, so they spend a lot of time just sitting in the park swinging together. They don't exchange names even and when they talk, it's only about the small things. If pressed, Andrew might admit that it isn't terrible.

One night, a few years after their first dream meeting, Neil mentions Exy. Andrew had only heard of it once before but the other boy knows a lot about it so Andrew just lets him talk and talk about it until they both wake up. It's……..nice to listen to Neil talk. Andrew doesn't hate it.

That was the last time they met in their dreams for a long time.

Neil stopped dreaming for the most part when he and his mother were on the run. It was too stressful and very rarely did he ever sleep deeply enough to dream. Andrew was getting shuffled between homes and then, once he started living with the Spears, he stopped sleeping all together.

It had been so long that when they saw each other, they didn't even recognize each other. How could you recognize someone when the last time you saw them was when you were a little kid? Besides, Andrew has essentially sworn off soulmates. He doesn't see the point in them, not anymore.

Even after Neil moves to Palmetto, he doesn't dream. He’s too keyed up, too on guard to sleep well and at this point, soulmates and dreams are the last thing on his mind. He doesn't even really think about them at all until Nicky brings it up during practice and mentions the fact that he’s soulmates with Erik and how Dan and Matt are soulmates and wondered if Neil knew anything about his soulmate and Neil just kind of shrugs and says that he hasn't really dreamt since he was a little kid. Yet another instance of Neil breaking the Foxes hearts

A few days later, after their first official game of the season, Neil and Andrew are both so tired and worn out from the game that they dream again. It's the same park and swing set from when they were small . Andrew sees Neil and he once again gets so Angry that he wakes himself up out of spite.

The next day is Kathy’s show and when they get on the bus, Andrew’s eyes bore into Neil’s back but Neil just ignores it until they eventually drift away.

They don't talk about it, not yet.

After Seth’s death, they both stop dreaming again.

It fluctuates like that throughout the rest of the school year, up until winter break. The meds they give Andrew at Easthaven puts him in such a deep sleep that he has no choice but to dream but they morph all of his dreams into nightmares. When Neil finally gets back to Palmetto, he dreams for the first time while sleeping on Wymack’s couch. The dream they share there is…….strange. The park that they meet at is morphed and shifted into something weird and horrible but Neil and Andrew are untouched. And for the first time, Neil and Andrew talk about it. Neil doesn't have his bruises but even in the dream his hair is auburn and his eyes are blue. Andrew asks him why and Neil skirts around explaining exactly why but he does ask if Andrew is safe. Andrew avoids answering that question but they both know that he won't be truly safe for a while longer, until he's back with Neil and the rest of the Foxes.

The next time they dream together is when Andrew gets back from Easthaven. It comes after the iconic pipedream conversation and Andrew tries to point out that Neil is literally a dream to him. Neil steals the cigarette that Andrew is smoking out of his hand and they are both startled by the fact that they can touch in the dreams.

Their rooftop conversations slowly fade into dream conversations. They sit on the swing in the dream and talk as they dream, along with staying up on the rooftop (when do these fuckers actually rest?)

Andrew tells Neil about his fear of heights. That night, in exchange, Neil explains why they are always in a park in their dreams “It was my safe space as a child. No parents to hurt you in public at a park. And I liked swinging.”

From there, things continue as canon says (i rlly like canon compliant AU’s i'm so sorry lol)

Up until---- Neil’s suddenly kidnapped.

He's taken and tortured and it's nasty but when he is drugged and forced to fall asleep, something strange happens. He dreams.

Meanwhile, Andrew freaks out when he cannot find Neil and he eventually tries to strangle Kevin. After Andrew gets calm down and the Foxes begin the trek to various hospitals to find everyone else, Andrew gets in idea.

He goes to sleep in the back of the bus and as he falls asleep, he gets as close to praying as someone like Andrew can. He falls asleep and the miraculous happens. He dreams.

In the dream, Neil doesn't yet have the scars Lola gave him but he still manages to look shitty. Immediately upon seeing him, Andrew asks Neil where he is and Neil answers as truthfully as he can but he knows what's going to happen next. He finally tells Andrew the truth, the full truth. And Neil is as happy as he can be because he gets to tell Andrew goodbye this time. A true and real goodbye and it's heartbreaking. Andrew refuses the goodbye and promises Neil that he’ll see him again.

Neil doesn't believe him but he smiles and they kiss for what feels like the last time. Neil wakes up mid-kiss and Andrew is left holding nothing but air.

Andrew wakes up and runs to explain to Wymack where Neil is. At this point they have picked up all of the other Foxes from the ER and this, THIS is where the Foxes find out that Neil and Andrew are soulmates </3 (oof)

Wymack calls the cops, who in turn tip off the FBI and confirms what the FBI and the Hatfords already kinda knew. But this time, Stuart knows going in that Neil is there and is able to get there sooner. They still have to go through with the plan they do in the book but they got there just a little bit sooner and was able to make it so Neil didn't get detoured straight through the FBI.

They have their reunion in the hospital instead and it's a funny sight, all of these Exy players jammed into a single hospital room, trying desperately to see this little fucker. Andrew pushes himself in first and Andrew tears Neil a new one for trying to really say goodbye to him via dreams and just clutches him tightly. Neil apologizes again for that and promises to never do it again.

The FBI still tries to get Neil to join Witness Protection but they don't have much of a leg to stand on because Neil just tells them that his soulmate will find him. They let him change his name and they take his statement and story, but he gets to leave with the Foxes. He gets to go home with them.

After that, things stick with the rest of TKM. Eventually, when Andrew graduates and goes on to play professionally and then Neil follows and they are forced to go long distance, they find solitude in their dreams and they spend their nights and midday naps together in dreamland.

And even when they are finally able to live together, they still dream together.

#beck screams #aftg exchange #headcanon #soulmate au #Andreil

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randomestfandoms-ocs · 3 years

Text

Riverdale OC Masterlist

(several of these ocs may end up getting scrapped entirely, but I’m not ready to commit to that yet so they’re on the list for now)

Name: Amethyst Andrews

Story: (Cast Not Your Stone at the) Wayward Daughter

Series: (Child, They’re) Seeking Weakness Tonight

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Kaya Scodelario

Love interest: queerplatonic poly Serpents, endgame romantic Sweet Pea & Jughead Jones

Summary: Amethyst Adams was 8 years old when her father died, 12 when she joined the Serpents, and 15 when her adoptive father, Fred Andrews, was shot in a diner. Between trying to run a gang, keep her family alive, and maybe, just maybe, not die along the way, her return to Riverdale never had a chance of going smoothly.

Name: Aaliya Andrews

Story: My Brother’s Keeper

Series: (In Their Triumph Die) Like Fire And Powder

Face claim: Danielle Rose Russell

Love Interest: Jason Blossom; eventual Sweet Pea & Fangs Fogarty

Summary: Aaliya Andrews loved her brother more than anything, and she would do anything for him; even keep her summer a secret. Archie didn’t need to know that she’d joined the Southside Serpents towards the end of their freshman year, he didn’t need to know that she’d done a strip show in a sketchy biker bar to earn the jacket that she hid in the back of her closet, and he definitely didn’t need to know that she’d started that fateful Fourth of July by waking up in bed with Jason Blossom. But then sophomore year starts, and with that comes cheerleading and football, playing guitar and talking about going professional, her boyfriend’s - now ex boyfriend’s, she’d suppose - body being found in the river, and an investigation that threatens to reveal every secret she’s ever kept.

Name: Abigail Adler

Face claim: Hailee Steinfeld

Fic: Swan Song

Love Interest: Archie Andrews

Name: Addison “Addy” Blake

Face claim: Troian Bellisario

Fic: Alike In Dignity

Series: (From Ancient Grudge) Break To New Mutiny

Love Interest: Sweet Pea & Toni Topaz

Summary: Addison Blake had it all. Class president at Greendale Prep, captain of the field hockey team, reigning champion of Riverdale’s Country Club’s teen tennis tournament, all around top girl. But when a shocking scandal shuts her school down and she’s forced to start at Riverdale High, she’s less than impressed—especially when she learns that an entire gang is transferring there too. When one of the boys catches her eye, she tells herself that she can resist the electricity she feels, but something is hanging in the stars, and star crossed lovers have never had a chance.

Name: Adelynn Andrews-Smith

Story: Abyss

Face claim: Phoebe Tonkin

Summary: Back in 2000, Mary Andrews was told that she could never have kids; and so, she and Fred looked into adoption. They found eight year old Adelynn Smith; and despite her temper and how many families had given up on her, they knew that she was perfect for their little family. And when Mary miraculously got pregnant with Archie a couple of years later, they were thrilled that their family was going to grow. And for several years, everything was perfect. They knew, and Adelynn knew, who her parents were; they allowed and encouraged her to develop her relationship with her father; and they always listened when she talked about her long-since adopted twin brother. And when, shortly after Fred is shot, Adelynn tells them that the Chic claiming to be Charles Smith is definitely not her brother, they listen.

Name: Alina Allan

Story: Violent Delights

Face claim: Krysten Ritter

Love Interest: FP Jones

Name: Ally Andrews

Story: Home Again

Series: (Make This Place) Your Home

Face claim: Adelaide Kane

Name: Amber Andrews

Story: Petrichor

Face claim: Kennedy McMann

Name: Anastasia Andrews

Story: Say I’m In Too Deep

Series: (Cause I’ve Still Got) A Lot of Fight Left in Me

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Abigail Cowen

Love interest: Jughead Jones

Summary: Starting high school was supposed to be fun, right? Apparently whoever said that had never found their brother hooking up with the pedophilic music teacher on their first day, but Anastasia Andrews could tell you from experience, that ruined it. And if Archie was lying about his relationship with Grundy, could that mean he was also lying about July 4th? She might not care about Jason Blossom, but she cared about protecting her brother, and if the best way to do that was to team up with Jughead Jones to solve the case themselves, well, she’d do it.

Name: Angela DeSantos

Story: Gold Lie Promises

Face claim: Sofia Carson as Evie

Love interest: Veronica Lodge

Summary: Angela De Santos was a born Serpent, although she and her twin brother didn’t officially join until they were thirteen. She loved the Serpents, she really did, and she would do anything for them. So when her brother got roped into disposing of Jason Blossom’s body, she kept her mouth shut; when he got assigned to seduce the Keller kid to keep an eye on the investigation, she gave him a folder of research on all of his interests and hobbies; and when she got assigned to seduce the Lodge heiress to keep an eye on her parents? Well, it’d hardly be the worst thing she’s done for the gang, so long as she can keep her own feelings out of the mix.

Name: Ariel Blossom

Title: I’m No Princess of Pain

Series: (Something) Next to Normal

Face claim: Holland Roden

Love interest: Malachai

Summary: As the oldest Blossom child, Ariel was always supposed to inherit the family business. But after learning the truth she rejected the “maple industry”, moving to California the day after she graduated. Pursuing her dream of acting and modelling, she had no desire to ever look back. She wouldn’t have ever stepped foot in Riverdale again, if not for her baby brother’s corpse being found with a bullet hole in the head.

Name: Artemisia Andrews

Story: Watch What Happens

Face claim: Katie Douglas

Summary: When Arti Andrews first left Riverdale during her parents’ divorce, she was happy to get away from the small town and live in a big city. But over the years, things changed, and she wanted nothing more than to go home and reunite with her dad and her twin brother. So when, five years later, Ari Andrews is finally going home, she couldn’t be more excited. But Riverdale isn’t the town that she remembers, and with all of the secrets she’s keeping, the stakes are higher than ever.

Name: Astoria Topaz

Story: There’s A Fire Burning In My Bones

Series: (Hell Is Empty) And All The Devils Are Here

Face claim: China Anne McClain

Love interest: Jughead Jones

Summary: Astoria Topaz was a Serpent by blood, and by choice. She joined with her twin sister and their two best friends, Fangs and Sweet Pea, when they were all thirteen, and had quickly risen in the ranks among teenagers. She never expected to be a leader though, until FP Jones got arrested. Suddenly there was a hole that needed to be filled, and apparently Astoria would have to fill it. That’s fine, she’s a born Serpent and knows how to keep her family together–or she did, until Jughead Jones walks into the Wyrm, suddenly ready to take on his legacy. But still, Astoria was born a Serpent, and she’ll die a Serpent, she’ll live as a Serpent come hell or high water.

Name: Barbie Booth

Story: New Girl In Town

Series: (Cause I Am) So Much Better Than Before

Face claim: Candice King

Summary: By fifteen, Barbie Booth already had her eye on the prize: early admission to Tisch for musical theatre, followed by an upper east side apartment with her best friend Veronica Lodge - who would be studying business at Columbia, and then starring as Elle Woods in a revival of Legally Blonde The Musical. But her plan didn’t include Veronica’s dad getting arrested, and her other half moving to some bumfuck town called Riverdale, leaving her alone for her sophomore year at Spence. And it definitely didn’t account for her parents up and moving them to Riverdale, for reasons that they refused to explain. But at least she’d be with Ronnie again, and at least Ronnie told her that Riverdale High wasn’t as bad as they’d imagined. But then they get to Riverdale, and her plans really go to shit -not only did her parents not research the town that they were moving to, but they bought a house on the south side of the town, dooming her to the rundown school on the wrong side of the tracks, riddled with gangs, murder investigations and, worst of all, no musical theatre program.

Name: Becca Jackson

Story: Everybody Else’s Girl

Series: (Maybe One Day) She’ll Be Her Own

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Sofia Carson

Name: Bella Baxter

Story: The Beauty of A Secret

Face claim: Ciara Bravo

Love interest: Reggie Mantle, Sweet Pea & Fangs Fogarty

Summary: Bella Baxter is as Northside as they come. Raised in a two story house with a white picket fence, River Vixen since freshman year, best friends include Archie Andrews, Betty Cooper, Kevin Keller, and Jughead Jones. The only thing that isn’t “proper Northside” about her is simple, FP Jones, the Serpent King himself, is her godfather–and more importantly, has been her legal guardian since she was ten years old. Bella has clung desperately to her Northside image for the past five years, but when Jason Blossom goes missing, it’s time to decide: is her loyalty to her family or to the persona she’s so carefully crafted.

Name: Beverly Mantle

Story: Steady Satellite

Series: (I’ll Walk Through) Hell With You

Face claim: Arden Cho

Love interest: Fangs Fogarty & Sweet Pea

Summary: Everyone at Riverdale High knew the Mantles. Beverly and Reginald, Bev and Reg, as inseparable as they’d been in the womb. Vice-Captain of the River Vixens and Vice-Captain of the Bulldogs, they were untouchable. And Jason Blossom’s murder only brought them closer together. They’d never had any secrets from each other, it was them against the world. Or it was, until a fight causes Beverly to run away, to cross the bridge to the Southside, where she meets two boys as attractive as they are mysterious, and she knows that she can never let Reggie find out.

Name: Beverly Mantle

Story: The Inevitably Cursed Life Of Beverly & Reginald Mantle; The Inescapable Secrets That Follow You From Riverdale

Series: (I’ll Walk Through) Hell With You

Face claim: Arden Cho

Love interest: Fangs Fogarty & Sweet Pea

Summary: Fangs got shot, the Serpents were at war, Archie had just been arrested, and Beverly had been shot. Well, the Mantle twins had always known how to cut their losses. They’d already dealt with being emancipated, after Reggie’s jingle jangle business had Marty hospitalizing both of this children, so it was clearly time for the next step. Get the hell out of Riverdale. Rosewood seemed like a nice enough place to go, and they already had a friend there. Sure, they hadn’t talked to Allison since last summer but really, how much can change in a year?

(aka the PLL crossover that nobody asked for)

Name: Caden “Adder” Archer

Story: Snake Bite

Series: (In Unity) There Is Strength

Face claim: Tyler Posey

Summary: Caden and Carson Archer, Adder and Asp to most of the world, had always been inseperable. Even as young children, stuck in the Sisters Of Quiet Mercy orphanage, they were always together. So when the Archers showed up, looking to foster a child, they knew they had to take the pair. Growing up on the Southside brought them closer, and the duo found themselves joining the Serpents together and quickly embracing their new names; Adder, dangerous but only when provoked, and Asp, unassuming but volatile and lethal. But even after they joined the gang, found themselves an extended family in the form of rough around the edge bikers, they were always closest with each other. And that’s why they’re the only ones who know the truth - on July 3rd, Caden and Carson Archer were hooking up with Cheryl and Jason Blossom and on July 4th, they heard a gunshot.

Name: Cameron Newton

Story: Ghost Of The City

Series: (The Ashes Of The People) You Really Meant To Be

Face claim: Maia Mitchell

Love Interest: Archie Andrews

Summary: After the creep in a black suit - the Gargoyle King - took over her town and sent her parents to work at his prison-slash-drug-den, Cameron Newton really didn’t think that anything could surprise her. And then the so-called Red Paladin showed up with nothing but his best friend an an absolute determination to destroy the man who ruined his life. Well, Cam can relate, and she quickly appoints herself as their third musketeer - if only she’d known what the quest had in store for her, for all of them.

Name: Candy Barker

Story: Sweet As Sugar

Series: (The Loneliness) Of Loving You

Face claim: Elizabeth Gillies

Love Interest: Poly Serpents

Summary: Candy Barker knew that the Blossom and Cooper children didn’t know that they were related. She also knew that they didn’t know that there had been a third brother once, who broke off from the family and changed his name to Barker. And that was fine with her, she could keep the secret from her cousins - it’s not like they’d ever talk to ‘Southside Scum’ anyways. No, Candy had no problem with keeping the secret between herself and her closest friends. At least, not until Jason Blossom is murdered in the Wyrm and Candy’s life gets thrown into madness.

Name: Carolyn Cooper

Story: Dirty Little Secret

Face claim: Dianna Agron

Love Interest: Reggie Mantle, Archie Andrews, endgame Poly Serpents

Name: Carson “Asp” Archer

Story: Snake Bite

Series: (In Unity) There Is Strength

Face claim: Shay Mitchell

Name: Carter “Lilith” Lane

Story: No Sweet Dream

Series: (I Keep A Record Of) The Wreckage Of My Life

Face claim: Nina Dobrev

Summary: Everyone at Riverdale High had heard of the infamous Serpent, Lilith Lane, and the equally dangerous Ghoulie, Carter. But no one would have guessed that they were the same person, let alone that she was their very own Carter Lane.

Carter “Lilith” Lane was something completely unheard of in Riverdale - a Ghoulie and a Serpent. Born to parents in rival gangs, she’s never really known who she was. Lilith Lane didn’t deal anything harder than weed; she was a party girl; she was very vocal about hating the Serpent Dance. Carter was the best drug dealer in town; a street racing champion; a part time stripper. And Carter Lane? She was little more than a ghost; a River Vixen who hated Cheryl Blossom, the main supplier for Bulldog parties who never showed up herself; someone who everybody knew of but who nobody knew.

It had always been easy to keep those parts of herself separate. And then summer came around; Carter Lane got emancipated, Carter moved into the House Of The Dead, and Lilith Lane dumped Jason Blossom’s body into Sweetwater River. And she’s fine.

But then school starts up again, and when Jughead Jones decides to investigate the events of the summer, her worlds start to collide.

Name: Cecilia Chambers

Story: Miss Americana And The Serpent Prince

Face claim: Josephine Langford

Love Interest: Jughead Jones

Summary: In a town like Riverdale, everybody knew everything about everyone. Or at least they liked to think that they did. And they certainly thought that they knew everything about Cecilia Chambers. They thought that she was the perfect All-American girl, the sweet, blonde, girl next door type. They didn’t know that she was a Southside Serpent, born and raised. They didn’t know that FP Jones was her godfather, and her parents’ best friend. They didn’t know that, when Archie bailed last minute, she was the one FP went to, whom he begged to get Jughead out of town for the summer. And even she didn’t know why, didn’t know what dark secrets he was trying to protect them from. But she agreed, and found herself embarking on a cross country road trip with Jughead Jones.

Name: Charlotte Jones

Title: No One Has to Know

Series: (This Time Maybe) I’ll Be Bulletproof

Face claim: Britt Robertson

Love Interest: Malachai

Summary: Alice Smith told FP Jones that she was pregnant, and he decided to raise their daughter. Serpent princess, heir to the mantle, and protective older sister, Charlotte would do anything for her family, including keep the secret about what happened to Jason Blossom; and she knew the truth, she dumped the body.

Trying to protect her brother without letting him in on the secret should have been easy, if only he hadn’t decided to write a novel about what happened on the Fourth of July.

Name: Christine Cooper

Title: Young & Beautiful

Series: (When I’ve Got Nothing But) My Aching Soul

Face claim: Sasha Pieterse

Love Interest: Poly Serpents

Summary: Christine Cooper had always gone after what she wanted. She’d gone after the Queen Bee title of Riverdale High, ruling the school with her best friend Cheryl. She’d gone after her older sister’s boyfriend, sneaking into Thornhill for clandestine hookups with Jason. She’d gone after the picture perfect life, existing in a different world from most of the town. And everything she went after, she got. She got the popularity, she got the boy, she got the dream tv life. And then Jason ran away with Polly - no, then Jason died. And the perfect, lovely, completely fake life that Chris had build fell apart.

Name: Daphne Dwyer

Fandom: Katy Keene

Story: Pasts That Haunt

Face claim: Leighton Meester

Love Interest: Katy Keene

Summary: Of course Daphne Dwyer remembered Riverdale, how could she not? Even when she wanted to, there were too many reminders: daily texts from her former foster brothers, Fangs and Sweet Pea, the leather jacket that she hid so carefully in the back of her closet, and, especially, the serpent tattoo she covered up every single morning. But she wasn’t a teenage biker gang member anymore. No, she had left that behind her when she was eighteen, when she moved to New York, when she began to climb the ladder as an Upper East Side socialite. Now she’s up and coming designer DeeDee; now her past is in her past and she’s only looking forward; now her best friend Katy is introducing their newest roommate - her former brother’s former fling, the daughter of Riverdale’s last mayor, Josie freaking McCoy

Name: Delaney “DC” Carlyle

Story: This Business Of Surviving

Face claim: Kristine Froseth

Love Interest: Endgame Jughead Jones & Archie Andrews

Summary: Matthew Carlyle was innocent, Delaney would bet her life on it. But, despite DC’s absolute belief in her father’s innocence, the FBI agent was still arrested for the murder of his fellow agent, Christopher Wells. So Delaney’s mother packed up their house in Washington, DC and moved her daughter back to her own hometown. But when they get to Riverdale they find a town shaken to its core by the disappearance of Jason Blossom. Honestly, DC couldn’t have cared less; she only cared about solving her father’s case and proving his innocence. At least until her mom brings her to the local Drive-In and everything changes.

First, she meets a boy in the projection booth who’s writing a novel about the murder; then she meets a man who turns out to be that boy’s father, her mom’s childhood best friend, and a gang leader - a gang that her mom is apparently a part of; finally she meets another boy, one with a snake tattooed on his neck and an undeniable magnetism. That’s when her whirlwind summer begins. But just as quickly as it started, her summer of romance, Serpents, and mysteries ends, and it’s time to make her space in a new school. DC is ready to put the past behind her and focus on the future, when in walks the daughter of Hiram Lodge - the last man her father put in jail.

Name: Doria Mary Wallis

Title: Untitled

Face claim: Jenny Boyd

Name: Drake Dawson

Title: Son Of Steel

Series: (Cause He’s) Stronger Than You Know

Face claim: Matthew Daddario

Summary: FP Jones and Derek Dawson had done everything together. They’d been Southsiders at Riverdale High together, they’d joined the Serpents together, they’d joined the army together, they’d even gone to Afghanistan together. But only FP came back. Drake Dawson had been raised by FP Jones for as long as he could remember, had idolized the man who was like a father to him, and had always tried to make him proud. And now, after four years of military service, the Serpent Prince is back in Riverdale. But everything has changed, and Drake no longer recognizes the town he grew up in.

Name: Emily Blossom

Story: Bloom

Face claim: Debby Ryan

Love Interest: Jughead Jones

Name: Everett Evernever

Story: Ain’t From No Heaven

Face claim: Madison Davenport

Love Interest: tentative poly Serpents

Summary: Of course Everett Evernever loved the Farm. Of course she respected her father and of course she pretended that her mother was her sister. Of course she only had one kidney and a partial liver. She would never consider anything else, would never question Edgar’s rulings. At least, not until her psychology class started to study cults. And the more Everett learned, the more things seemed familiar. But the Farm couldn’t be a cult, could it? It was her family. So she started acting out, determined to prove herself wrong. And that’s when Alice Cooper comes into the picture. In order to prove her loyalty and dedication, Alice is assigned to set Everett back on the right track. And it’s while she’s living with the Coopers that Everett meets the Southside Serpents, and her perfectly planned, perfectly secret life is thrown into a whirlwind.

Name: Evan “Fairy” Fogarty

Story: Don’t Take My Kindness For Weakness

Series: (Gonna Feel Me) When I Fight Back

Face claim: Lana Condor

Love interest: Sweet Pea & Jughead Jones

Summary: Evan Fogarty has been affectionately known as “Fairy” by the Serpents since she was nine years old, trailing after her brother and his best friend. It was Sweet Pea who came up with it, thought it was fitting for the sweet girl who paired a leather jacket with pastels, a switchblade with her ice capps, and razor blades with her pigtails, and honestly? She loved it. The Serpents, her family, knew that she was a lot tougher than she let on, but the Northsiders constantly underestimated her. They hear the nickname and expect an airhead child, not a girl who’s been taking care of her sick mother since she was ten. They expect a naïve fool, not the brains to her brother’s brawn. And yeah, she’d rather make peace with the Northsiders than start an all our turf war, but if that’s what’s happening, she’ll still be on the front lines. And when FP Jones is arrested for a murder she knows he didn’t commit, Evan knows that war has finally come to Riverdale.

Name: Fallon Parris “FP” Jones

Story: Every Day Is Like a Battle

Series: (We’re On the) Road to Ruin

AO3 | FFNet | Wattpad

Face claim: Brenna D'Amico

Love interest: Toni Topaz, Sweet Pea, Reggie Mantle

Summary: Fallon Parris Jones, FP to her friends, was taken to Toledo against her will when her parents separated. She would have stayed, for Jellybean, except her dad called her and told her that her twin had just been hauled in and questioned for murder. Fallon may play at obedience, but her twin’s wellbeing is always the most important thing in the world, so she hops on the next bus to Riverdale with no intention of leaving him ever again. It isn’t until she arrives that she finds out just how deep her family is in this mess, and clearly no one else can be counted on to fix everything. Armed with nothing but her well-worn Serpent jacket, a switchblade, and an unstoppable determination to protect her brother, Riverdale is about to find out that they messed with the wrong family

Name: Francesca Jones

Story: Living In Sin

Face claim: Lili Reinhart

Love Interest: poly Serpents (not Jughead of course)

Summary: Hal and Alice Cooper had only ever wanted two children, two perfect daughters for their perfect family. But when Alice found out that she was pregnant with twins, they agreed to keep both, and Francesca and Elizabeth Cooper were born. But then they found out that Francesca was deaf and, despite their decision to keep both twins, they were quick to give her to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy.

Shortly after Jughead was born, Gladys Jones was told that she could no longer have kids. Devastated, she and FP were quick to look into adoption, and found the perfect addition to their family; Francesca.

Francesca Paige Jones grew up on the Southside with her brother Jughead and their miracle sister Jellybean, although she chose to stay on the Southside and not interact with the other side of town, despite knowing that she had a twin sister and biological parents somewhere across the tracks, despite knowing that Jughead was even friends with her twin. But then Gladys and Jellybean move to Toledo, Jughead leaves home, FP helps dispose of Jason Blossom’s body, and suddenly the Northside is paying attention to them. She would have been perfectly happy to fly under the radar, to continue to pretend that she had no ties to the Northside, had she not come face to face with a mirror image of herself named Betty Cooper.

Name: Genevieve Grundy

Story: Perfect Stranger

Series: (Don’t Like Your) Little Lies

Face claim: Natalia Dyer

Love interest: Poly Serpents

Summary: Genevieve Grundy wasn’t a born Serpent like her friends, but she was still Southside through and through. She’d been raised on the Southside by her grandma, until her grandmother died and she was taken in by Serpent foster parents. She’d attended Southside High and joined the Serpents, she was a Southsider. Keyword being was. But after the Jason Blossom Incident, as they had taken to calling it, Gen found herself being moved to the Northside. She would be fine, she told herself, she could still visit her friends and it might be nice to go to a better school. She would be fine. And she almost believed it, until she walked into her first music class of the year, only to find that the teacher was using her grandmother’s name.

Name: Harley Day

Story: Legendary

Face claim: Bianca Santos

Love interest: Poly Serpents

Name: Harper Hope Harrison

Story: My Demons and My Muse

Series: (Though It’s Truth You Find) It’s Innocence You Lose

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Dove Cameron

Love interest: Fangs Fogarty, eventual Fangs & Sweet Pea

Summary: In the midst of her parents’ messy divorce, Harper Harrison and her mom go to live with her mom’s cousin, Fred Andrews. She was really excited, her Uncle Fred was the coolest person ever, and apparently her cousin Archie is now as into music as she is. But after an accident during the drive to Riverdale lands her in the hospital instead of onstage, Harper has to reconsider everything she’s ever known. She doesn’t think that she could ever be on Broadway now, not after the accident left her with severe hearing loss, but the boy across the hall, recovering from a gunshot, is determined to prove otherwise.

Name: Hera Lodge

Story: Sins Of The Father

Face claim: Camila Mendes

Name: Holli Hansen

Story: A Thousand Cuts

Face claim: Skyler Samuels

Name: Ivy “Vine” Verona

Title: Dreamers Often Lie

Series: (Look Like The Innocent Flower) But Be The Serpent Under’t

Faceclaim: Emily Rudd

Summary: If there was one thing that Ivy Verona was good at, it was lying. She lied to the Northsiders; she said she was Northside pure, that her guardian was an accountant, that she’d never even heard of the Whyte Wyrm. She lied to the Southside too; she said she was flunking all her major classes, said cheerleading was only a front, said she planned to stay in Riverdale the rest of her life. And then there was the lie that she told the entire town - that she had no idea what might’ve happened to Jason Blossom.

Only her uncle FP and best friend Joaquin knew the truth. She’d been Jason’s dealer; she’d brought him to the Wyrm; she’d watched him die, and then washed away his blood; she dumped his body in the river and pretended it never happened.

But the biggest lie she told was to herself - that Jason Blossom’s death was not her fault.

Name: Jac Daniels

Story: Light In The Dark

Series: tbd

Face claim: Alycia Debnam-Carey

Love interest: Fangs Fogarty & Sweet Pea

Summary: Despite being a Southside Serpent, Jacqueline Daniels was one of the last truly good people in the town of Riverdale. Despite being surrounded by darkness, she wore her heart on her sleeve and always kept her heart open for more strays. Of course the majority of it was taken up by her three best friends and fellow Serpents, but when Jughead Jones transferred to Southside High, she knew there would be a place for him too. And there was, and Jughead found himself with a new tour guide slash bodyguard slash friend, whose open heart and pure soul were rivalled only by her fierce loyalty and protective nature. But even the brightest light in Riverdale has a breaking point, and when Northside drama starts to endanger her friends, her family, Jac may just discover her own.

Name: Jasmine Blossom

Story: Archaic

Face claim: Abigail Cowen

Love interest: tentative Archie Andrews

Name: Jennifer Andrews

Story: Two Can Keep a Secret (If One Of Them Is Dead)

Series: (Though It’s Truth You Find) It’s Innocence You Lose

Face claim: Dove Cameron

Love interest: FP Jones

Summary: Before there was Harper or Archie or Jughead, there was Jennifer and Fred and FP. The Rebel Girl, the All-American Boy, and Mr. Varsity. Jennifer and Fred Andrews may have been cousins, but they were as close as siblings, and rarely seen without their best friend FP Jones. They’d always been inseparable, and detention was no different. While Fred and FP were in trouble for streaking, Jen had gotten caught spray painting the boys’ locker room. It was just supposed to be one Saturday, but instead it ended with a corpse, hair dye, and a secret to bring to grave.

Name: Jennifer Andrews-Harrison

Story: My Demons and My Muse

Series: (Though It’s Truth You Find) It’s Innocence You Lose

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Kristin Chenoweth

Love interest: FP Jones

Summary: Jennifer Harrison (née Andrews) had been in love once and married once, but they weren’t the same man. She’d been in love with Forsythe Pendleton Jones Jr. since she was fifteen, although she only confessed it when she was sixteen and left Riverdale for good. She’d been twenty five and three months pregnant when she married Joseph Harrison, and they’d managed to put up with each other for sixteen years. But when she finally files for divorce, she realizes that she can’t keep her daughter in the middle of it, and moves her to Riverdale. She tells her boss that it’s to write an exposé on the small town now rife with crime and corruption–a girl had just been murdered during a school musical, after all–, she tells her cousin Fred that it’s for her daughter’s sake, and she tells the town that it’s to get away from her husband. She didn’t realize that going back to her hometown meant going back to a secret she buried twenty five years ago, or to feelings that she’d tried to bury the exact same day.

Name: Jett Jones

Story: Daddy Lessons

Face claim: Crystal Reed

Love Interest: Jason Blossom, Archie Andrews

Name: Opal “Jewel” Cooper

Story: This Be The Verse

Series: (In This Town) There’s No One To Trust

Face claim: Grace Phipps

Love Interest: poly serpents (not Jughead, of course)

Summary: Opal Cooper, the youngest of the Cooper sisters, had always known that she was different. How could she not? Her dark hair made her the literal black sheep of her perfectly blonde family. Sure, her mom always claimed that she inherited it from her grandfather, but Opal knew that something was different. So, in the summer before she started high school, she did some digging. She wasn’t surprised at all to find she wasn’t a Cooper, but she was more than a little shocked to learn her biological father was none other than FP Jones. A simple desire to build a relationship with her real dad started Opal down a road that she never expected; a road of gangs and murder and nicknames. Starting high school armed with a switchblade and the truth about what happened to Jason Blossom, the newly nicknamed Jewel Cooper was nothing like the Opal anyone remembered.

Name: Julia Smith Thomas

Story: Begin Again

Face claim: Lily James

Love Interest: FP Jones

Name: Juliet Capes

Story: Star Crossed

Face claim: Sarah Jeffrey

Love interest: Fangs Fogarty

Summary: When Fangs Fogarty got dared to seduce the uptight Northside princess Juliet Capes, he knows it’s a dick move. But he also knows that it’ll get him his stripes, get him accepted with the teen serpents. The river vixen is easy to win over, and soon he’s claimed all of her firsts. Fangs would be happy to keep his motivations, and the gunshot they heard, a secret, but in a town like Riverdale, the truth always comes out, and someone always gets hurt.

Name: Fraser Paxton Jupiter Jones

Story: Amphisbaena

Face claim: Dylan O’Brien

Love Interest: Poly Serpents (not Jughead)

Summary: Fraser Paxton Jones was many things. He was a Riverdale Bulldog, a Southside Serpent, Cheryl Blossom’s boyfriend, Jughead Jones’ big brother, FP Jones’ firstborn son; he was Jupiter Jones. The one thing he wasn’t was a murderer. But when Clifford Blossom showed up at the Wyrm in early summer, threatening to kill his little brother if the Serpents didn’t do what he said, the line between who Jupiter Jones was and wasn’t started to blur.

Name: Kathryn Keyes

Story: All That Glitters (Isn’t Gold)

Series: (Glory And Gore) Go Hand In Hand

Face claim: Olivia Holt

Love Interest: Archie Andrews

Summary: Kathryn Keyes loved growing up in Orange County. She loved the sunshine and the beaches, Disneyland and busy streets, shopping and even school. She loved that boxing classes, her dojo, and her ballet studio were all within five minutes of each other, with a Starbucks in between. Really, she loved everything about her perfect glittery life. But that didn’t stop her parents from moving her all the way across the country to some hick town called Riverdale. There’s no Disneyland or busy streets, no beaches or shopping, not even a Starbucks. But there’s a gym and a studio, a forest and a river, so her summer is spent boxing and dancing, running and swimming. And on July Fourth, she runs into something - a redhead boy who couldn’t be any older than she was, and a woman at least twice their age, and despite what they said, it definitely wasn’t just music lessons. But still, when the boy offers to walk her home, she says yes; she figures she might as well have one friend at her new school, after all.

But then they hear a gunshot and Kathryn finds herself drawn into the web of lies surrounding that day. She knew that helping to unravel the mystery would reveal some secrets, but she never expected to learn that her perfect glittery life in California wasn’t quite as golden as she thought.

Name: Keegan Rhodes

Story: Everybody Else’s Girl

Series: (Maybe One Day) She’ll Be Her Own

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Jordan Fisher

Love interest: Stevie Cooper

Name: Kit Cooper

Story: It Gets Worse Here Every Day

Face claim: Kiernan Shipka

Summary: Hal and Alice Cooper had only ever wanted two daughters. Two perfect daughters. They’d never wanted the third; the wild child, the unplanned twin. They were going to keep her, they weren’t going to separate Betty from her twin, but when Kit Cooper was diagnosed with severe hearing loss and that was the last straw. Only five years old, Kit was shipped off to The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy, out of sight, out of mind. They told her sisters that she was at a private care facility, one that was better equipped to handle her disability than they were. They would have gotten away with it, if ten years later they hadn’t sent Polly to the Sisters as well. Now the secret is out, and Betty and Polly will do whatever it takes to get their sister back.

Name: Kristiana Keller

Story: Silver Screen

Series: (Know the Water’s Sweet) But Blood Is Thicker

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Danielle Campbell

Love interest: Toni Topaz

Summary: If the Keller twins could explain one thing, just one thing, to the people of Riverdale, it would be that they were exhausted. With their father as Sheriff, it always seemed like they were held to a higher standard than the rest of the town. Lieutenant of the cheer squad and the best wrestler in his weight class; student body vice president and social coordinator; Model UN Secretary General and Chargé D’Affairs; 4.0 GPAs; and a secret to take to the grave. And if anyone found out that they heard the gunshot on the fourth of July, it might just be to the grave.

Name: Lola Lexington

Story: Living Like A Devil

Series: (Find Me) Where The Wild Things Are

Face claim: Emeraude Toubia

Love Interest: Toni Topaz & Sweet Pea

Name: Lyra Lovell

Story: Unconquerable

Series: (With A Devil) On Your Back

Face claim: Haley Lu Richardson

Love interest: Jughead Jones

Summary: When Jughead Jones moved to Toledo after his dad’s arrest, he thought that he was finally leaving Riverdale, and the Serpents, behind him. But when his mom introduces him to his guide, he knows that’ll be impossible. Lyra Lovell was a Serpent legacy like he was, and left her mom in Riverdale to move to Toledo with her dad. Being surrounded by the so-called Toledo Serpents would have been bad enough, but then FP is proven innocent and Gladys sends him straight back to Riverdale. Fully prepared for the worst, he’s pleasantly surprised to find out that Lyra has decided to go home too–if only they can find a way out of their seemingly inevitable destinies.

Name: Mallory Mason

Story: Lamb To The Slaughter

Face claim: Willa Fitzgerald

Summary: Mallory Mason had been popular once - with Moose as her brother and Cheryl as her best friend, she couldn’t have been anything less. She had been popular once, and happy, and desperately in love with her best friend. And then she came out. At fourteen, Mal Mason was sent to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy for conversion therapy. At sixteen, her best friend and first crush shows up in Mal’s personal hell. And then she gets rescued, and drags Mal out with her. And suddenly, after two years, Mal has to face Riverdale again. And, more importantly, Mal has to face her family.

Name: Mila Turner

Story: Fearless

Face claim: Victoria Justice

Name: Nova Nixon

Story: Serpentine

Face claim: Emma Dumont

Name: Olivia Cooper

Story: Walls Come Tumbling Down

Series: (Does It Almost Feel Like) Nothing Changed At All

Faceclaim: Lily Collins

Love Interest: Sweet Pea & Fangs Fogarty

Summary: As much as Olivia Cooper loved her sisters, and she truly did, it often felt like she was living with strangers. While Betty and Polly were thick as thieves, she never quite fit in. But she still knew her sisters better than anyone, and she knew that Polly wasn’t sick. No matter what their parents said, she knew her twin and she knew that something wasn’t quite right. She just never expected her investigation to bring her face to face with two magnetic Southside Serpents, and she definitely never expected to find herself feeling more at home with them than she ever had with her sisters. But that won’t stop her from finding out the truth about Polly, no matter how many secrets get revealed along the way.

Name: Pandora Peabody

Story: The Snake Whisperer

Series: (It Isn’t In) My Blood

Face claim: Ashley Benson

Love interest: Poly Serpents

Summary: Everyone on the Southside knew Panda Peabody, daughter of the Snake Charmer, Penny Peabody herself. A king pin in the making, Panda was virtually untouchable, and she had her mom’s talent for business. But instead of dealing in favours, she deals in secrets.

Everyone on the Northside knows Pandora Patterson, the aloof queen bee herself. Pandora isn’t popular the way that Cheryl Blossom is, through a desperate grasp at the social ladder, but rather because she’s so disinterested. She walks like she owns the halls, she keeps to herself, and she knows everything about everyone.

While the Serpents knew that their own Snake Whisperer was a student at Riverdale High, dealing in both secrets and drugs, the Bulldogs had no idea that their It Girl was not only a Serpent, but the one most capable of destroying all of them.

Name: Persephone Parsons

Story: Heartbreak Is The National Anthem

Face claim: Ginny Gardner

Name: Presley Palmer

Story: Living In The Garden Of Evil

Series: (Tell Me All Your) Sweet, Sweet Little Lies

Face claim: Carlson Young

Love Interest: Sweet Pea & Toni Topaz

Summary: Presley Palmer wasn’t just a normal Northsider. No, she was the peak of the Northside. Raised by a single father who was as rich as the Blossoms, in a sprawling mansion near Thornhill, and Cheryl Blossom’s best friend and co-captain of the River Vixens, she was the girl that every Northsider wanted to be or to be with. But, as popular and social as they were, Presley and Cheryl were equally insular. It was always, only, the two of them; ice and water; Queen Pres and Cherry; Presley and Cheryl. Two sides of the same coin, they knew everything about each other.

Well, not everything. Cheryl didn’t know about the snake tattoo that Presley covered up every day; she didn’t know that on the other side of town, Presley Palmer was known as Prissy Peabody, the only daughter of the infamous Snake Charmer; and she most certainly didn’t know that it would be Jughead Jones’ investigation into her brother’s disappearance that would bring those secrets to life.

Name: Queenie Quincy

Story: Liability

Series: (Die Only For) You Above All

Face claim: Marlo Kelly

Love Interest: Toni Topaz

Name: Raven Richards

Story: Cruel Summer

Series: (This Town Will Be) The Downfall Of Us All

Face claim: Emma Mackey

Love Interest: Poly Serpents (not Jughead)

Name: Rayne Rivers

Story: An Ounce Of Loyalty

Face claim: Lucy Hale

Love interest: Poly Serpents

Summary: Maybe Rayne Rivers wasn’t the most popular Serpent, or the most feared Serpent, or anything special whatsoever by her gang’s standards, but she was loyal. Loyal enough that FP Jones asked her, personally, to help deal with Jason Blossom’s body. Loyal enough that she did so without question, without complaint. Loyal enough that now that his body has been found, Rayne would sooner die than give her up her gang’s secrets. But in a town like Riverdale, be careful what you wish for.

Name: Renee Steele

Story: Ourobos

Face claim: Winona Ryder

Love Interest: Robert Steele

Name: Riley Richards

Story: Cruel Summer

Series: (This Town Will Be) The Downfall Of Us All

Face claim: Kathryn Newton

Love Interest: Jughead Jones & Archie Andrews

Name: Robert Steele

Story: Ourobos

Face claim: David Harbour

Love Interest: Renee Steele

Name: Rose Blossom

Story: A Rose By Any Other Name

Series: (Ill Met) By Moonlight

Face claim: Sophie Turner

Love interest: Sweet Pea & Jughead

Summary: The youngest of the Blossom siblings, Rose had always been the most spoiled. Affectionately, and mockingly, referred to as Princess Blossom, she was everything a Northsider, everything a Blossom should be. Of course, things started to fall apart when her brother disappeared, but when she joined the River Vixens, things seemed to be getting back on track. At least they were, until her brother’s body is found with a bullet hole in his head. Unsure of what to do next, Rose runs. She runs and runs until she finds herself on the Southside, falling into the arms of a tall, dark, and handsome stranger who goes by Sweet Pea. And then there’s the question of Jughead Jones, and the magnetic attraction she feels towards him. The cycle always ends the same way; a Jones and a Blossom, a Serpent and a Blossom, but by god, Rose will make sure that she’s not Riverdale’s next tragic Juliet.

Name: Rosebud Reynolds

Story: The Price Of Your Greed (Is Your Son And Your Daughter)

Series: (I Gotta Recognize) The Weapon In My Mind

Face claim: Halston Sage

Love Interest: Archie Andrews, Toni Topaz, Sweet Pea, endgame FP Jones

Summary: At seventeen years of age, Rosebud Reynolds had… well, she definitely didn’t have it all, but she had what mattered. She had the Serpent jacket that she’d been wearing for ten years and the nickname she’d had for even longer - and god help anyone who used her real name. She had fifteen years of ballet lessons under her belt and an upcoming audition for Juilliard.

But everything is on the line when she gets sent to Riverdale High to keep an eye on Jughead Jones. It would have been fine, if he hadn’t decided to investigate the disappearance of Jason Blossom.

It would have been fine, if she didn’t know the truth about what happened.

It would have been fine, if she hadn’t watched her father shoot him.

His son.

Her brother.

Name: Roxie Harrison

Story: Nothing Town

Face claim: Shelley Hennig

Love Interest: Poly Serpents

Name: Ruby Klump

Story: Blood In The Water

Series: (This Town Kills You) When You Are Young

Face claim: Meg Donnelly

Love interest: Fangs Fogarty, eventual Fangs x Sweet Pea

Summary: Ruby Klump had been thirteen when she was first sent to a school for “troubled kids” on the outskirts of Greendale and, despite still living in Riverdale, that had been the beginning of a lifetime of isolation. She barely knew any other teens in Riverdale, not even her older sister’s friends. Her parents had worked long and hard to keep their problem child away from their perfect Riverdale life, but when Midge is murdered during the school musical, Ruby has to come to the funeral. And once the floodgates are open, there’s no going back. Finally making friends in her town, Ruby refuses to be hidden away anymore. Especially after she befriends a particularly cute boy in a leather jacket… who just got arrested for her sister’s murder.

Name: Ryann Hernández-Viamonte

Story: A Real Nightmare

Series: (Dangerously Having) The Time Of Our Lives

Face claim: Sofia Carson

Love interest: Toni Topaz

Summary: Next to her brother Malachai, Ryann Hernández-Viamonte had always been underestimated, never seen as a real threat by anyone outside of the Ghoulies. But the Ghoulie Princess knew that, despite everyone’s assumptions, she was one of the most dangerous people in Riverdale. And after the stunt that Andrews kid pulled at the drag race, Ry found herself spending eight months in Juvie. Finally, two months after her brother and most of their fellow Ghoulies were released, Ry is back in Riverdale, only to find that everything has gone to shit. First she finds out that she’s now attending Riverdale High, and then she learns that not only did Malachai make a deal with Penny Peabody, but now they’re also working for Hiram Lodge? Well, not if she has anything to say about it.

Name: Samantha Cooper

Story: Glissade

Face claim: Willow Shields

Love Interest: Fangs Fogarty & Sweet Pea

Summary: Skating was, and had always been, Samantha Cooper’s entire life. But not by choice. No, as much as she had always loved skating, it was her mother who had forced her to focus her entire life on perfection, on the Olympics. It was her mother who didn’t let her have friends, or hobbies; who didn’t even want her to go to a proper school. And Samantha really didn’t mind skating being her priority, but she’d always wanted a real life. And when Alice pushes too far, when Samantha runs off in the middle of the night, right into the arms of two tall, dark, and handsome boys from the wrong sides of the track, she may finally get her chance. But everything comes at a price, and Sam is soon going to find out the cost of her choices.

Name: Skylar Smith

Story: Lonely World

Series: (This Town Has Got) The Youth Of Me

Face claim: Amanda Seyfried

Name: Stevie Cooper

Story: Everybody Else’s Girl

Series: (Maybe One Day) She’ll Be Her Own

AO3 | FFNET | WATTPAD

Face claim: Sabrina Carpenter

Love interest: Keegan Rhodes

Summary: The middle Cooper sister, Stevie never really knew or cared about the Riverdale drama or the Cooper drama, because she was “eat, sleep, breathe, gymnastics”. She didn’t even live in Riverdale, she lived just outside of New York City at an elite facility, where top athletes could train with the best of the best, while also attending a school designed to accommodate their training.

She knew that Polly had been dating Jason Blossom, but didn’t really care as long as Polly was happy; she knew that Betty had been in love with their neighbour since she was eight, and that she was spending the summer with some fancy internship, but that was it.

But after a broken wrist takes her out of gymnastics for a while and she has to trade her gymnastics-oriented boarding school for Riverdale High, just in time for the first day of class, she realizes exactly how much shit her little sister is caught up in, at school and at home, and god help anyone who tries to stop her from protecting her.

Name: Summer Simmons

Story: Such Sweet Sorrow

Series: (Serpent Heart) Hid With A Flowering Face

Face claim: Janel Parrish

Love interest: Archie Andrews

Summary: Much like her twin brother Sweet Pea, Summer never used her real name. No, no one needed to know that–most people didn’t even know their last name. So yeah, names had never really meant anything to Summer, until she finds out that the Archie she’s been dating, ever since he walked into the Wyrm in a Riverdale High varsity jacket, is none other than Archie Andrews–her brother’s new enemy and now the leader of some teen vigilante gang that’s sworn to hate her gang–her family. Well, as Shakespeare would say, the course of true love never did run smooth.

Name: Talia Steele

Story: Ourobos

Face claim: Zoey Deutch

Love Interest: tentative Poly Serpents

Name: Tanya Conway

Story: Yesterday’s Girl (Is Not What You See)

Series: (This Human Place) Makes Inhuman Monsters

Face claim: Kat McNamara

Love Interest: Poly Serpents

Summary: Identity was fickle, as far as Tanya was concerned. To some she was Tanya Trent, a first generation serpent whose mother was the principal of Southside High, until the Black Hood killed her. To others she was Tanya Svenson, a Southside punk whose father was the janitor at Riverdale High, until he was killed for being the Black Hood. To herself she was Tanya Conway, a teenage girl who knew that the Cooper family had killed her dad’s family; who knew that, even after they divorced, her dad loved her mom; who knew that, no matter what anyone said, her dad wasn’t the Black Hood. And now she’s just Tanya, a scared but stubborn girl with no sense of identity who’s just been sent to Riverdale High with her fellow Serpents, armed with nothing but the snake tattooed on her back and the need to clear her father’s name.

Name: Tiara Blossom

Story: Dollhouse

Face claim: Maddison Brown

Name: Victoria Lodge

Story: You Inherit The Sins, You Inherit The Flames

Series: (Now We’re In The Ring) And We’re Coming For Blood

Face claim: Jenna Ortega

Summary: Victoria Lodge was the black sheep of the Lodge family. She didn’t care about the constant parties or connections, she didn’t particularly like her dad, she’d never even watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and oh, right, she had no interest in being a mob princess. Maybe that’s why she’s the only one looking forward to moving to Riverdale–until she realizes she’s walked onto the set of a real life murder mystery, and even her parents are suspects.

#masterlist #riverdale oc

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mentalpolaroids · 3 years

Text

CH | 17. here for you

CH 16

🔸

Kevin took Dustin home after making sure I was fine. I wasn't, but I had to pretend to be so my brother could give me some space. The fight with Noah kept replaying in my head, making me keep fighting the tears from falling, even if I was alone to cry all I wanted. I hated being mad at people or having people mad at me and the fact it was happening with Noah was making it very difficult to process. I refused to accept that my best friend disappointed me and it led to me yelling at him and feeling angry with him. It was a feeling we both have never experienced before and it was hitting me harder than I could ever imagine. I cleaned the house while Kevin was gone, not only because it was messier than I thought it could be considering the five of us didn't leave the couch all night, but also to try and distract myself. I could wait for my brother and have him help with the cleaning but I was in a desperate need of keeping my mind out of Noah and our fight. Our first fight. It almost sounds like we're a couple. We're not, but it hurts as much. I had just finished brooming a corner by the couch when Kevin entered the front door. My back was turned towards him but I could feel his eyes on me, unsure what to say or ask or even if he should say something at all. I was unsure either. I wanted to cry and vent but at the same time I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to talk about the fight and relieve it over again. I've done that enough in my head and it was killing me slowly.

"Do you need help cleaning?", Kevin's voice was soft, as if I would break if he spoke louder or arsher. I probably would.

"No, thanks. I'm pretty much finished." my head was low as I spoke, still not looking at my brother now standing behind the couch.

"I'm gonna make us something to eat, ok?"

I didn't answer but I think he knew I was grateful for his gesture and company, my body language showed it. I put the broom back in the laundry room and went to sit by the kitchenette counter waiting for the food Kevin was cooking, enjoying it's smell that was honestly calming me down. After a few more minutes, Kevin sat a plate of pancakes in front of me and a cup of hot chocolate. I smiled lightly at the view in front of me and at how well my brother knew me.

"All vegan, as you like it."

I looked at him and smiled wider while he sat next to me and dripped some caramel on top of my pancakes. He put some on his too and we started eating quietly. I was just waiting for him to drop the question and I was mentally preparing myself to answer it. He probably heard some of it but I knew my brother: he wanted the words to come out of my mouth. It was something he always did to help me stop keeping everything to myself and suffer in silence. I hated the process of it because sometimes it was really hard to talk about some things but, in the end, it helped. I just hoped this time it would help too.

"So,", here we go, "what happened back there? Dustin and I were making up conspiracy theories of why on Earth were the best couple of best friends to ever exist having a fight."

I couldn't help but laugh at his dorkiness and I started imagining the two guys talking to each other jokingly but with a serious face about what Noah and I's fight was about.

"Friends fight too."

"Yes, but not you two. You've been to hell and back for each other and never once did I see you two fight, not like this."

"Did you hear what it was about?"

"Not really."

I took a deep breath and a sip of my hot chocolate before dropping the bomb.

"I found a pack of cigarettes in Noah's bag."

"Oh."

And so I told him every bit of our fight and why I was so mad at him.

"I just don't want him to go down the way Dylan did."

"Yeah, me neither. But, even though I understand why you're mad at him I still think fighting is not the best way to talk him out of smoking."

"Kevin, we've been through this before..."

He interrupted me.

"I know, that's why I'm saying fighting won't solve anything. You're mad because you're scared and Noah is smoking because he's scared too. He's not doing this to hurt you, he's doing this because he is hurting and this is how he copes with it."

"He promised me he would talk to me anytime he felt like smoking when he was feeling down."

"And do you?"

I looked at him questioningly, genuinely confused with his question.

"Do what?"

"Talk to anyone about how you feel or about your problems when you're down?", I looked down, not wanting to admit he was right, "You keep things to yourself because, as you say, you don't want to bother anyone with your shit, even after everyone tells you they're here for you no matter what. Noah is just doing the same."

"Yes but this is different..."

"Is not that different, sis. You should talk to him, like, really talk to him. Make him feel like he can be the most vulnerable with you. Noah... fuck, he loves you, Kelly. I know he will open up to you whenever he's ready, he doesn't trust anyone else as much as he trusts you. He's there for you and is patient with you no matter what, you just need to be patient and be there for him as well. I know you love him enough too to do that."

A tear slid down my cheek and Kevin immediately cleaned it up. He was right, I was being harsh on him for something I'm also to blame for. I guess we really are a great pair because we're both stubborn asses. I lean closer to Kevin and hug his torso. He hugs me back tightly and kisses my forehead.

"How about you call him later, huh? I hate seeing the second hottest couple ever not talking to each other."

I blushed at the couple thing but then I looked at him grinning teasingly

"Who's the first hottest couple?"

"Dustin and I, obviously."

"No way! For real?!"

"Yup."

"Oh my God, Kevin, I'm so happy!"

I hugged him again and he laughed at my enthusiasm. I was really, really happy, I've been waiting for them to get together since they met each other and it was finally happening, so containing my excitement wasn't even an option.

"Me too, sis, me too."

After teasing Kevin a little, something I just had to do, we both finished breakfast, me in a much better mood than I was before our conversation. Kevin insisted on me taking a shower instead of helping him clean the kitchen, since I didn't take said shower I was supposed to because the fight with Noah made me forget about it. The water helped me relax completely and clear my head. The remains of negativity and fear in my mind were washed away and I felt ready and determined to make things work with my best friend and call him later. Until then, I wanted to spend time with my brother, have the day for the two of us, it has been a long time since that happened and I missed teasing him and making fun of him. I knew he missed doing the same to me too. I went to the living room dressed in my favorite pair of sweatpants, a cropped sweater and my black sleepers. A comfortable outfit to match my relaxed state, which was rare lately and especially after that morning. Kevin was on the couch with the tv remote in hand scrolling through Netflix, so, as the good sister I am, I sat beside him and yanked the remote from him. I tried hard not to laugh at the bitch face he made my way.

"Oh hell no, it doesn't work like that.", and with that, the remote was yanked from my hand and it was my turn to make a bitch face that, by the entertained expression on my brother's face, was a pretty good one. Kevin selected a random movie while I tried to get the remote back and I guess I was really in need of a chill day because it didn't take long for me to give up and accept whatever Kevin chose. Through the movie, we would comment about everything and anything and make jokes with each other and laugh our asses off, even though the film wasn't even that funny. I missed having these moments with my brother, it reminded me of when we were little and he would watch my favorite movie with me over and over again. Oncd, we were watching it in the living room and he made a joke about a specific scene of the movie and I laughed really hard. I remember thinking it was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my 8 years of life and, since then, every time I felt like watching that movie, I would make him watch it with me so he could tell that same joke, and I would laugh as hard as the first time I heard it. We were making our own jokes now and I was having the best time. It was therapeutic.

"Doesn't that woman look like an older version of Camila?"

"It does... wow, she's going to be a MILF. I'm jealous." Kevin laughed.

"Speaking of Camila, I ran into Julio the other day, he even paid for my coffee."

Remember the good, great, amazing mood I was in? Yeah, it died. My body tensed, my smile faded and my mind started racing. Kevin noticed and paused the movie.

"Kelly?"

I didn't answer at first, my brain was still processing the unpleasant thought of Julio and all the uncomfortable situations he has put me through. My brother called my name again.

"Hmm?"

"You ok?"

I opened my mouth to say Yes but I quickly changed my mind. It was time. I didn't want to ruin the amazing lazy day we were having but it was time to tell my brother what our best friend's boyfriend was like.

"I have to tell you something about Julio.", my voice was low, compared to a few seconds ago, "You're probably going to get mad at me for not telling you sooner but Noah knows and he's been helping me..."

"Sis, what are you talking about? You're scaring me."

And so I told him everything. The first time I saw him outside the restaurant with a woman, when he paid for my lunch, the times he was outside the company, the night at the club... Everything he did, said, the way he looked at me, the way he made me feel and how Noah has been helping me and keeping me safe.

"Fuck..."

"Yeah."

"You have to tell Camila."

"I know."

"Seriously, Kelly, that's really fucked up. And how the hell did I not notice? I mean, I remember you acting weird that night we went out but I thought it was just the sexual tension between you and Noah..."

"Kevin!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm... I just wasn't expecting that. Shit."

Kevin's body was leaning hard against the couch and his leg was bouncing. He was getting anxious.

"When are you planning on telling Camila?"

"I don't know. I had some opportunities but I always chickened out or wasn't sure if it was just me acting paranoid."

"You're not paranoid, Kelly. Fuck, if Noah noticed too and even saw him waiting for you outside... Jesus, that's messed up.", his voice trembled, "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could help too."

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry, really. It was because of the same reason I didn't tell Camila, and also because you weren't at your best when this started."

"Right.", he looked down and I grabbed his hand that was anxiously fidgeting with the other.

"Hey, don't go blaming yourself now, I'm fine. Noah's been helping me and taking care of me."

"I know, I believe that, trust me. The dude would kill for you."

I rolled my eyes but the blush was inevitable. Besides the weight of Julio's presence in my head, I felt even more safe and relieved now that Kevin knew. It took us some time to put this subject aside but we managed to go back to the movie, this time watching it a little less enthusiastically.

I was about to take my sweater off to replace it with the oversized one I use to sleep when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number but I picked up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Kelly?", a man's voice answered on the other side, a voice I couldn't associate with anyone I knew.

"Yes?"

"It's Dylan."

"Oh, hi."

To say I was surprised, mostly shocked, was putting it lightly. First, I had no idea Noah's brother was already out of prison and second I totally didn't expect him to call me. Everything about this call was unexpected so it took me a few seconds to process.

"Look, I know it's late but can you please come over?"

He sounded like he was in a rush and desperate, if the emphasis on the please was any indication.

"Are you at Noah's?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to bother you, especially because I know you probably weren't expecting me to call but I...", he interrupted himself to take a deep breath, like talking was making him tired, "I think he needs you. Can you please come over now? I'll pick you up if you want."

"No, it's fine, I'll drive. I'll try to be there in five."

"Thank you so much, Kell. See you soon."

"See ya."

I rushed to put some sneakers on as I left my room. I only had time to grab the keys to Kevin's car and take my phone out of my sweater's pocket to text him and let him know where I was going, since he was already in his room and I didn't want to waste time explaining to him why I was going to Noah's so late, especially when we weren't exactly on speaking terms. Driving, my mind kept making up reasons why Noah "needed me", what the hell happened, why Noah didn't call me himself and the fact that Dylan was free. Like, the later alone was enough to make me confused and anxious, and it showed by the constant tapping of my fingers on the steering wheel. It took me exactly five minutes to get to my best friend's house. I rushed to the front door and rang the doorbell. My heart was beating so fast that I could feel my entire body shake from it's pulsation and my mind was racing with thoughts and possibilities of what I would find on the other side of the door. I just wanted to know what was going on. The door opened a few seconds after and there was Dylan. I almost didn't recognize him from our high school days. He looked older but in a healthy way and his posture, besides shaken up, was more mature. Nothing compared to the troubled boy I used to know. Dylan looked kind of surprised to see me too and that was understandable. Puberty did me good, I admit, and I wasn't as shy and timid as I was before, which reflected in the way I presented myself. I was more confident and sure of myself, even though I was an anxious mess at the moment.

"Hey, you got here fast.", he said, his voice tired, matching his eyes.

"Yeah, I did.", he let me into the house I knew so well and turned to me, closing the door behind me, "It's good to see you."

"You too, Kell.", he smiled weakly and I mirrored it, feeling the familiarity of the nickname.

We stood there in an awkward silence just staring at each other. We both changed a lot and I guess we were having a difficult time taking it in. I cleared my throat and broke the silence.

"So, what happened?"

"Right, I'm sorry again for dropping this on you this late."

"Don't worry about it, it's fine."

He took a deep breath.

"Well, as you already noticed, I was released from jail.", he looked down, shame in his eyes, "And I asked Noah to pick me up. He didn't know I was being released today, nobody knew. I wanted to surprise him and our parents but... I didn't get the reception I was hoping for."

He looked up, his eyes averting mine, but I saw them shine with tears wanting to fall.

"My dad was livid. He didn't want me coming home, let alone unannounced, so he tried to put me out of the house in a not so nice way..."

"Dylan..."

"He was about to punch me but Noah stepped in front of me. I tried to stop him but I think he was drunk and Noah was trying to defend me and then I tried to defend him but... he just took everything and I could barely do anything to stop it."

The tears fell and his eyes finally met mine.

"I'm so sorry, Kelly, I didn't want this to happen, I..."

"Dylan, it's ok, it's not your fault. Are you ok?"

He nodded.

"Where's Noah?"

"He's outside.", he pointed to the door that led to the backyard, "I know you guys had a fight this morning but, please, Kelly, just talk to him, he's definitely not ok." I took a deep, shaky breath and, after hugging Dylan, I went to the backyard. I stepped outside and the first thing I noticed was the broken pieces by the grass. It was from a ceramic vase Noah had on the wooden table that was situated in the middle of the yard. I presumed he broke it when he arrived home in an attempt to get rid of some of the frustration. Then I looked to my left and saw him sitting on one of the wooden chairs that matches the table. His elbows were on his knees and his head was between his hands, that were gripping his hair. I felt nervous, for a lot of reasons. One, he looked mad and I hated when he got mad. Two, I didn't know how to approach him without scaring him. Three, I didn't know what to say or do because we had a fight and had yet to talk about it. But I guess that could wait, all I wanted was to hug the hell out of that man and fix him. So that's what I did. I walked in his direction and kneeled in front of him. He looked at me in a quick move, not expecting anyone to be there. I froze when I saw his face and, honestly, I just wanted to do the same to his dad (as if I had the chance, but my anger towards him was burning). He had bruises near his left eye, a cut on his lower lip and I could tell he bled from his nose but cleaned it up messly. He also had tears in his eyes that grew closer to falling as soon as he saw me. As if his state was a force calling for my help, I hugged him tight, my arms around his neck and one hand holding his head and massaging his hair, afraid he would disappear if I let go. Noah didn't exitate to hug me back, pulling me closer with his arms secured around my torso. He hid his face in my neck and broke down in tears and sobs.

🔸

CH 18

#cold hands #story #original story #angst #romance #oc #mentalpolaroids #noah centineo

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ernmark · 5 years

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Man in Glass (pt 1) reactions

Spoilers under the cut.

I love that the season started with yet another fakeout, with Juno starting a typical monologue and then Peter promptly telling him to shut up and taking over as the narrator.

The thing about narrators is that they can be difficult, and it can be really easy to fall into the trap of using the wrong narrator just because they’ve been appropriate up until now.

In my experience, the best narrators for a given story are often the ones who are competent and present enough to be able to convey what’s going on, but also are at enough of a disadvantage to have actual conflict and tension. And I think that, up until now, that made Juno an excellent narrator even when he wasn’t the protagonist of a given story.

But when last we saw Juno, he was probably in the best place that we’ve ever seen him. He’s taking the effort to grow and improve himself (which, while important, is full of so many itty bitty checks and reassessments that it gets a little tedious to see in person), but he’s also left an altogether toxic environment and entered one where he’s surrounded by people who trust him and are good at communicating with him (Vespa aside). And you could hear it in his voice in that opening monologue—he’s more confident and at ease than he’s ever been.

And sure, Kevin and Sophie could yank him out of that and shove him into more trauma, but that’s exhausting. So Juno has a fairly low-stakes mission, very reminiscent of Midnight Fox. Our lady needs a break (and, apparently, a really kickass ball gown).

Enter Peter Nureyev.

Peter’s got conflict coming out his ears right now. Apparently he’s in debt up to his eyeballs (over what? to whom?), he’s dealing with some major resentment and animosity toward Juno (despite being very obviously besotted over him, which is beautifully complicated), and he’s trapped in a situation where he depends on Juno to vouch for him in order to keep this job that he so desperately needs.

And oh my god, listening to Peter’s voice is a delight. There is just so much going on in there, and I love it, especially with how profusely he compartmentalizes. This man is a ball of overconfidence and anxiety, and he keeps folding up his every spare thought and filing them away, and that leaves a sea of ideas and reactions half-thought and pushed aside. And did I mention conflict? Because that’s all his head is. It’s in the mix of love and disdain for Mag every time he brings up Mag’s teachings. It’s in the way he describes Juno—with derision, with seething jealousy, with longing, with trailing thoughts that are suddenly cut off before he can finish thinking them. (My god, he’s got it bad. I love this so much.) He’s pissed as hell with Juno—and rightfully so—but he has to make an active effort not to be drawn in again. This time it’s Juno who needs to charm him. Also, it’s so wonderful to finally hear exactly what about Juno draws him in. And I think that largely it’s his sincerity—he’s real in a way Peter tries so hard not to be, and Peter seems to both hate and adore that about him.

And I think that’s exactly why this mission is happening, in-universe. Because Buddy is a good, solid leader, and she knows how to handle Juno to bring out the best in him, and how to read him. Even if Vespa hadn’t pointed it out, I don’t think she missed the fact that Juno and Peter used to be romantically involved. The tension is too palpable for that, and Peter’s disdain is too one-sided. She knows Juno wouldn’t ordinarily put up with that. Also, Juno choking on his coffee at the first (deliberately placed) implication that he and Peter were sleeping together was a pretty big giveaway.

So naturally, she forces them to work together right off the bat. She puts Juno in a pretty dress and makes sure he’s the belle of the ball, makes the two of them play happy newlyweds, and lets the chips fall as they may. If this mission ends with the tension dissipated and the two of them in bed together, fantastic. If they don’t make up, but they manage to pull it off and work well together despite the obviously uncomfortable circumstances, then that’s great, too. But if they prove entirely incapable of working together under stress, then that tells her everything she needs to know. And my money says that Peter would be the one to get the boot. Juno’s got proven results with everybody else on the crew, sans Vespa. Peter is entirely unproven, and it would be significantly faster and cheaper to find someone new than to try to overcome that kind of bad blood.

It is a superb strategy. I wholeheartedly approve.

And I love that this situation—which, like I said, I feel was engineered on Buddy’s part to create conflict—is taking something that would ordinarily be extremely straightforward and making it complicated. Yes, Juno got bored and acted stupidly. That’s undeniable. But that could easily be worked around if Peter had deigned to actually engage with him, rather than shove him into a corner on a fool’s errand. If he’d let Juno get a word in edgewise, he might have had an incredible advantage in the auction. Instead he shot himself in the foot with his own jealousy and hurt.

And let me reiterate here: Peter has every right to feel hurt. Juno was an absolute asshole the last time he saw him, and Peter is entitled to the pain he’s feeling. It makes sense that he wants to curl up in his shell and refuse to depend on anyone else for anything ever again. But this is not the time or the place to indulge that impulse, and if he’s not careful, it’s going to cost him his spot on this pirate crew.

And for once, Juno is the one reaching out. He’s trying to start conversations with Peter. He wants to talk about what’s hanging between them. He’s trying to make amends. This time it’s Peter who needs to accept the compassion he’s being offered.

My predictions:

“The Man In Glass” doesn’t refer exclusively to Peter. I think there’s another person (or object?) that fits that description. My money says it has something to do with what happened to Nova a year ago, when she was robbed.

Nova isn’t nearly as wealthy/powerful as she pretends to be. Giving herself access to everyone else’s money means she can tamper with it somehow. Also, she was way too nervous about the bidding for the map. Maybe she promised it to someone in particular? Maybe they were supposed to win it in the auction, but Juno outbid them too quickly, so she had to take drastic measures?

Juno is gonna get chummy with Nova and “lend” her Peter. I suspect he’s going to request the map in exchange, but she’ll refuse, and Peter will accept whatever terms she gives instead on the premise that he can steal it out from under her nose. Bonus points for the chance to make Juno as jealous as Peter obviously is.

Peter’s going to keep insisting on doing everything by himself and dig himself in progressively deeper until Juno gallantly comes to his rescue and sweeps him off his feet. This is going to start the ball rolling on Peter trusting Juno again, but it won’t mend things between them. Not by a long shot.

Nova finds the man of her dreams, and he turns out to be none other than Cecil Kanagawa. Possibly Juno even introduces them.

#the penumbra podcast #man in glass #100 #200

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rationaromanceblog · 3 years

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The Breakup

I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I despair silently as my days turn into weeks. As I watch him come in and out of the apartment. As I cry myself to sleep. How can I make you love me? What can I do?? I am panicked, frantic for ideas. What if I am sweeter? More adoring? I start considering. I could give him more kisses and hugs, then he’ll have to understand. I resolve to try. What more could I possibly lose?

I am sitting at the kitchen table when he gets home. He settles in, not making eye contact, only giving me a brief greeting. He’s not ignoring me exactly, just not dying to chat. I keep staring. Look at me. My gaze pleads but it’s not working. I walk up to him and stand in his way. “Look at me.” I manage to whisper. This is painful. He hesitates but stops and looks. Can you understand how desperate I am to fix this? My eyes start to collect tears but before they spill I hug him tightly and breath deeply. He stiffens slightly, but let’s me hug him. After a while of his non reaction I admit defeat and let go slowly. “I love you.” I say. How do I fix this? I want to ask. “I love you too.” He says back, stilted.

Technically we’re not broken up. The official words have not been spoken. He simply put the gun on the table and backed away slowly, refusing to pull the trigger. I am aghast and anxious for him to shoot. Instead he checked out. All I have is a shadow of a person as I scramble for something that will give me back the relationship I had. Maybe I am just not lovable enough? I start to wonder. Maybe there’s nothing I can do.

For weeks after the initial conversation he walks in and out of our apartment barely acknowledging me. He gives me short answers, he doesn’t smile. Our home has become a frozen tundra and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stand it. I wallow in anxiety. Wondering what’s going to happen and why on earth it hasn’t yet. I don’t want this. Breaking up was the furthest thing from my mind. But something needs to happen. I am starting to think he’s too scared to do it. Just because it hasn’t been declared doesn’t mean we’re not already living it. I hate admitting that. I guess it’s on me.

Me: Hey…

I decide to text him. Mainly out of cowardice

What if we did a trial break up? We can live as if we are broken up for a while, and if we don’t like it, we can go back to normal.

Kevin: That’s a good idea

I want to give him an out. I want it to be clear it doesn’t have to be permanent. You can change your mind. Please change your mind.

He comes home that night more receptive to me. I make us dinner and for the first time he makes idle chit chat.

“I’ll sleep in the living room.” He states once we get into the particulars of the arrangement. “No, we can take turns.” I am quick to refute. “We both bought that huge bed we should both sleep on it sometimes. “ Don’t worry about it.” he insists. “You take the room.” I shrug. He seems lighter. Taking this step was the right move I acknowledge begrudgingly.

After dinner I watch as he pushes the couches in the living room together to make a spacious bed. Just a few months ago we were shopping for those, dreaming about what our apartment might become. We roamed that store for hours finally deciding on the two comfiest couches we’d ever sat on, that were also luckily in the clearance section. The memory brings a small smile to my face that is quickly wiped away when he asks where we keep the extra set of comforters. I go and get them, and grab his pillow from our bed.

That night I cry quietly wondering if I will ever run out of tears. I didn’t know it was possible to cry this much. I wish he would come into the room and lay with me. I could ask him... I realize. Would he say no? Do I have that much courage? I don’t. I decide, after going back and forth for an hour. My ego is bruised plenty I won’t risk more rejection. I am startled awake by my alarm unsure when I stopped crying long enough to fall asleep. I am alone. I think as I look around the room. The first of many mornings to come. And the tears start right up again.

A few weeks later he hasn’t asked to go back to how things were. My hoping that he was going to change his mind starts to turn into a panic that he won’t. I dread coming home to see those couches pushed together day after day. Outside of the apartment, it doesn’t seem so bad. I even catch myself smiling from time to time. But when I come home the inescapable truth hits me. It’s really over. I try not to look into the living room and head straight to the room but it doesn’t matter, I already know what’s there.

My lungs start to feel like they are shrinking and I am breathing through a straw. I can’t see straight. There are spots everywhere. I make it to the door of my room, throw my bag down and lay with it on the carpet still wearing my winter coat.

He finds me like that, on the floor hyperventilating and sobbing. I didn’t even hear him come in.

“Maria…?” He whispers and kneels down next to me. “What’s going on?”

I don’t respond. I can’t. His voice fills with more concern. “What do you need?”

I try to shake my head, it's hard to since I can’t pick it up off the ground.

“I. Can’t. Breath.” I manage to croak. He has been privy to my panic attacks he knows the drill.

“Here.” He kneels down, helps me take my coat off and lays next to me on the floor. His face next to mine on the carpet watches me intently.

“Do you want to talk to me?” He is using his sweetest voice. It penetrates my heart and only makes me sob harder.

“It’s okay baby.” He soothes and gently rubs my back. He’s barely touched me in weeks. If only I could lie here forever.

It takes about 10 more minutes but with enough focused attention I calm down enough to bring air into my lungs with more ease. I start to sit up. He stares at me wide eyed and concerned getting up with me.

“I am not doing okay.” I say in a shaky voice wiping away tears. “I want to be.” I add and shrug.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asks with genuine concern.

“No.” I say and sigh deeply. “I’ll manage this.”

I promise, to both him and myself.

I go run the shower. I need to get away from him, his concern only makes the pain worse. I can’t sulk in grief for the next 9 months. I need to start accepting this. But I immediately reject the idea. Admit defeat? This break up is wrong. It doesn’t make sense. How can I accept it? The comfort of the hot water envelopes me and I start to feel better. Physically, at least. My future. The beautiful home we were building. Am I just supposed to let it go? It feels like I was having a gourmet meal when the table cloth was yanked and everything went flying off the table, leaving me with a terrible mess to clean. What choice do I have?

I need to make sense of this breakup. There’s a small voice in my head that gets louder everyday. It’s not very nice, but it rings true. Of course Kevin broke up with you. It says. You thought the man of your dreams was madly in love with you? Get serious. Of course he’s leaving, he never wanted to be here. The universe has finally realized it’s mistake. The idea hurts but I can see it. I can make peace with it. That’s okay then. I can accept that. I start to think.

I share the idea with Kevin. I’d like him to confirm it.

“What? No Maria. What are you talking about?” Kevin reacts. “Of course I still like you, and love you, and want you and always have.” He speaks with admonishment that I would believe the opposite.

I stare perplexed. I was expecting the opposite. He was going to come clean and own the fact that he never really wanted to be with me. It was going to hurt but letting go was going to be easier from now on.

“Um… You do?” I respond, unsure why he feels the need to keep lying to me.

“Yes!” He insists.

“Then why are we breaking up!?” I shout. Frustrated that what was finally making sense makes no sense again.

“I told you. We weren’t affectionate, we weren’t romantic. We turned into friends. That’s not the kind of relationship I want to have.”

I shake my head. I hate that answer. “We can change that. If we both agree we still have feelings for one another there are things we can do!” I yell, starting the argument we’ve had several times already.

“We’ve tried before.” He replies, calmly, dejected, and on cue.

“Not like this. Not knowing breaking up was the result of failing.”

“I don’t want it to be forced.” He repeats, slowly pronouncing every word. Hoping I will finally understand.

“What’s wrong with trying?” I ask but I’ve lost my vigor. I know his mind is made up. I know there is no reasonable argument that can change his mind. I hear the determination of his decision increase every time we have this argument.

“Maybe at another point in our lives. Maybe once we have some space and time we can come back and have the relationship we were supposed to have. I just can’t make you any promises.”

I sit back and close my eyes. The relationship we were supposed to have. That’s hilarious. He holds just as much responsibility in creating this dynamic as I do. More actually. We were doing just fine until he decided to withdraw affection from me for the sake of protecting his delicate heart all those years ago. But I know I am just as guilty for letting it happen. We made it this way and we can also unmake it. I believe wholeheartedly. I just don’t know how to show him.

I don’t want to be bitter, but it’s getting difficult not to. I love Kevin so much, I want to be friendly, kind and understanding. But he gave up, and the anger I hold for his decision starts to leak through in our interactions. I become short and snappy. My own annoyed reactions to his simple inquiries catch me by surprise. I don’t recognize this person. He doesn’t comment on my hostility. I think he feels guilty. I am acting like the victim to a crime he has committed. I am convinced I am.

Kevin made a choice. I just happen to be affected. I try to talk myself out of it when I feel the subtle indignation peak. Nothing has been done to you. You are not a victim. I want to be rational, but the anger is intense. Kevin obviously did hurt you! I argue back. The ache in your chest proves it. It’s his fault you feel like this! My thoughts spiral. You wouldn’t be in pain if it wasn’t for him. But I want to be above it. I remind myself. Living with him has made it imperative we get along. We agreed it wasn’t worth the money to break the lease and I don’t want to live in a hostile environment. He didn’t ruin my life. My life isn’t ruined. I am going to be okay, blame is not necessary. Blame does nothing. I practice believing that whenever I feel the hot anger overcome me. I picture myself calm and loving towards him. It’s not too difficult, it’s what I most want. Slowly I start to strip away the anger. I want to be his friend, I miss him. Being kind is first and foremost.

“Hope is a problem. “ She says through the headphones in my ear. “Hoping for something to happen does not motivate action. Hope makes you passive. It’s dreaming about a circumstance that you have no control over. It’s exchanging this current moment for a future better one. Hope sounds lovely. But that is deceptive. If you want something, you have to take action. You have to decide. It is up to you.”

I turn off the podcast and stare at my ceiling. I’ve been staring at my ceiling a lot lately. For the first time just listening to the thoughts in my head. They’re so loud. “I am living on hope.” I admit out loud to the ceiling. Hope is all I eat, sleep and drink lately. It sustains me. “I want him to change his mind. I hope he changes his mind.” I mumble, saying the thoughts I hold dear. “I am just not ready to let go. All I have left is hope.” But her words strike me. She’s right, hoping is keeping me helpless. So how do I force myself not to want him? How do you stop wanting what you want? I throw the pillow I am gripping against the wall. This is frustrating. I lay back down and stare at the ceiling some more, maybe the answer is in one of the crevasses up there. A half hour later I get up. I don’t want to be helpless or at his whim. I know that much. I have no control over what he does or decides and I don’t know what to do about this desire. But I can do something. I can focus on the what I have control over.

For the next 6 months I go into serious self improvement mode. My life has been turned on its head and instead of sitting around being at it’s mercy I make some decisions. I start to put back together my gourmet meal, one broken dish at a time. I reluctantly accept the reality of the situation. I start to imagine what life is going to require of me without Kevin. For one, I need to get my finances on track. I don’t know anything about credit, I don’t have an ounce of savings and I could probably be making more money than I am. I dive deep into all things self help. I learn about the power of meditation. The pain from the heartbreak is so unbelievably heavy and constant, I learn quickly meditating helps me process the pain in a way I’ve never experienced. Eventually I get up feeling a little less melancholy. A little more at ease. I read a book on nutrition, decide to cut out processed foods and lose a bunch of weight. I join a cross fit class since I’ve always wanted to be someone that exercises regularly. I become vegetarian after spending a lonely fourth of July weekend watching vegan documentaries on Netflix. Distracting myself from the fact that Kevin was going to tell his family then that we were over. I learn about investing and open a savings account and a Roth IRA. I quit my job with crap hours and get a better paying one that is 9 to 5. It’s as if the pain from the breakup motivates me to do things I never would have. I am taking ownership of my life. I start dreaming for myself years down the road. I feel a sense of control again. I ask myself what I truly want, if I could have anything? Who do I want to become? Confident. Thriving. Independent. I dare to believe what might be possible. You could say I start to hope, but better, I start to plan.

During these months Kevin and I grew close again. The immediate pain of being broken up receded and we spent our afternoons together. We cherished the time knowing we would soon be apart. We no longer played mind games, we weren’t afraid to be vulnerable and real. All of the issues we had, any resentment that we held, dissipated. None of it seemed to matter. We showed up authentically without agendas and expectations. We were still intimate on occasion, but it became less frequent over time. We were slowly letting go of each other. Counting down the days until the end of our lease.

Once in awhile I would check in and wonder why we were breaking up. Seeing if maybe he’d rethought the decision. Considering how great we were getting along it made no sense.

“If you say that maybe someday we can make it work, why can’t we break up with the intention of coming back to each other?” I asked one morning as he ironed his clothes and I journaled at the kitchen table.

“Because I don’t want us to put our lives on hold for each other, that’s not fair to either of us.”

“I would. If you asked me to.” I proclaimed

“I wouldn’t ask you to.”

“But you want to stay friends. You don’t think that’s unfair to ask?”

‘“I don’t want to lose you from my life Maria.” he says passionately. “Maybe we aren’t meant to be together but I do think we belong in each other’s life. Don’t you?”

Well of course I do. I am in love with you. I think but ignore it and keep writing instead to hide my frustration.

Kevin’s insistence that we stay friends was both amazing and awful. Certainly the joy of still having his company keeps me interested. But what if being his friend keeps me pinning? That sounds like a nightmare. He thinks we can make it work that everything will be fine. I am not as confident.

Kevin informs me that he has been looking for apartments a few months before our lease is set to end. I put it off, I still have plenty of time. Also, what if we miraculously somehow end up staying together? A little hope lingers in the background. That’s not why I am waiting. I tell myself. I am just too busy and it’s still too soon.

A week later it’s official.

“I signed a new lease.” He says. “I got the confirmation yesterday.” Fuck. “Oh.” I say quietly. Feeling a tight knot in my stomach. Wait no.

I never told my new coworkers my ex and I were living together, I said he was still my boyfriend. It seemed easier than explaining the situation at the time. And for a few hours in my day I got to live as if it were true. As I walk into work red faced and sniffling I decide it’s time to come clean.

I go straight to my manager so I can explain why I’ll be on the verge of tears today.

“It’s been a long time coming.” I say “But it’s official, he signed a new lease.”

She nods in sympathy. “We’re here for you, whatever you need.” She says giving me a warm look. “Start with the onions.” she suggests with a smile. “That way no one has to wonder about the tears.” I laugh, what a sweet offer.

Will I ever get over this? I wonder. This feels like the longest breakup in history. I just want to be better already. No matter what I do my heart feels splintered into pieces. I can’t think about anything but this. My emotions sway from heartbroken to angry to bargaining to grief. I stay at anger for a long time that day. I hate Kevin for asking me to stay his friend. I can’t fathom not being in love with him. How can I watch him move on with his life like that? It is difficult for me to say no to Kevin, that’s part of the hesitation. I want to give him whatever he wants but I don’t know about this.

“I need to say something.” I declare as we sit down for dinner that night.

“I’d like to hear it.”

I doubt that. “I know that you’re very adamant that we need to continue a friendship after this. And I get it. In a perfect world so would I. The thing is I can’t see myself being able to move on while we’re friends. I just can’t imagine it. I really think I am going to need space to really mourn this before I can just have you in my life like that.”

“Really?” He says, sadness in his voice. “How long?”

“ I dunno.” I shrug and look away. “A year?”

“A YEAR!?” he shouts.

“Maybe.”

“That’s so long.”

“I don’t know I am just guessing.”

He stays quiet. And finally nods. “Okay Maria. I know I’ve been incredibly selfish to ask you in the first place, so of course I’ll respect that. Take the time you need.”

“ Thank you.” I say relieved.

“But if you could shorten it to a couple of months for me that’d be real swell.” He says and smiles.

I roll my eyes.

I can’t keep putting it off, it’s time for me to find my own apartment. I start my internet search and soon realize I won't be able to really look and choose if I want to get into a place in time of this lease ending. I waited too long, my options are limited. A voice in my head tells me I could just ask to room with Kevin so I can get more time to look but I scoff in refusal. That will not be happening. I imagine Kevin’s disapproving look at my continued nonacceptance of this breakup. His reluctant yes at having to keep living with his ex girlfriend, unable to start his new life. I pick the cheapest closest place I find and sign the lease without the option of looking at it first. Ah well. I think. That’s what hope costs you.

I decide that we will cut off contact once we are fully moved in to our respective apartments. It’s my decision to do this and yet I dread it. Seeing as I’ve been kicking and screaming throughout all of this, keeping him around as my friend would be an easier middle ground. But I am proud of this decision. I am taking the harder less pleasant option for my ultimate well being. All the literature on breakups say that cutting ties is best so you can fully ‘withdraw’ from your partner and lose dependency. Kevin definitely feels like a drug. Apparently being with him even lights up similar parts of the brain. I am choosing the painful deliberate process of moving on. Although partially out of a fear that not doing so means staying stuck for the rest of my life. At the moment I can’t fathom a reality where I am not in love and desperate to be with him. I remind myself that there are enough examples of people getting over the ‘love of their lives’ to believe it’s possible for me. I’d do anything to know their secret.

Time. Everyone tells me. It’s time. But I loathe that answer, I don’t buy it. Of course it’s time, but what do I DO in that time? I implore. That no one seems to know. Just live your life? There are certainly people who kept themselves pinning even after decades of time. I vividly remember a podcast of a man who pines for his high school love into his old age. “I thought about you everyday since I last saw you.” He told her once they were reunited. EVERYDAY. I can’t have this with me everyday. That is unacceptable. Doesn’t that prove that it isn’t just time that will work magic? I won’t say that to anyone though. Doing so will reveal the hidden fear that I will be stuck in love unable to move on. Instead I nod and try not to let them see my annoyance at their clichéd answer. How do I heal? How?? I plead the universe to give me an answer.

Finally it’s the night that I am fully moved into my apartment. Our lease has ended our new leases are signed and if there was any hope left within me it was wiped away when he helped me move the couch in. We plan for him to spend the night, our final rendezvous. As expected it’s lovely and sad. I am divided into the me that wants it to be over so I can start to heal and the me that wants it to never end.

He is gone when I wake up. I search frantically for my phone and see a text:

Kevin: I love you. I’ll miss you so very much. You were my best friend and I’m so very sad to see us go our separate ways… I wish you the best of luck and I’ll always be thinking about you.

Here it is. I’ve been imagining this, writing this goodbye text in my head for months.

Kevin I love you. My heart aches from your absence. I can only hope time and distance does it��s job and makes it so we can once more be in each others life. I thoroughly look forward to that day. Until then I hope you find joy. Thank you for loving me. He replies

Thank you for loving me. Goodbye Maria.

It’s beautiful and succinct. I close the phone and cry more endless tears. I’ve stopped wondering when they’ll stop, it’s a fruitless question. I look around my new apartment, life feels empty and hollow, like the pain in my chest. I can’t imagine how I will fill the gap he left. I need to create something out of this I think and take a deep breathe, owning the weight of that responsibility. Maybe I dare dream something amazing.

#breakup #shortstory #romance #rationalromance #love #heartbreak

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protectteamfreewill · 5 years

Text

Hands

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: Angst.. little bit of language but like you’ll miss it if you blink

Word count: 2.1k

A/N: It’s been a hot minute since I posted a oneshot on here.. It’s not like I stopped writing, it’s just that the stuff I wrote about was really personal and I didn’t really feel like sharing all that on social media. But I’m trying to get into writing ‘normal’ oneshots again. So here we go :)

Also, while writing this I listened to the song ‘Hands’ by ORKID (hence the title) so to really get into the feels you might want to listen to that while reading this.

*I do not own any Supernatural characters and/or gifs I may use*

“I don’t love you. I never have,” Dean flatly states. Neither his voice nor his face showing any sign of emotion as he spits those words out. As if they wouldn’t turn your entire world upside down. As if they meant nothing, as if you meant nothing.

He had to be lying. Either that, or he had been lying for the past six months straight. He had to have been lying the day you met him at the café you work at, when he ordered two coffees and a slice of cherry pie and flirtatiously told you you looked beautiful as a smirk graced his perfectly chiselled face. Right before he took his coffee and pie he slid his napkin towards you with a wink. Looking down you noticed the sloppy numbers that were hastily written down on it. The black contrasting against the off-white napkin.

He had to have been lying when he took you on your first date, just one day after you decided to take the risk and call the number he gave you. Taking you to a fancy restaurant for a candlelit dinner whilst telling you how you made him feel like no one else ever had, a blush creeping up his neck as he admitted those words out loud. You spent the night getting to know each other, cracking jokes and holding hands and even sharing dessert afterwards. He leaned in as he whispered he never shared his pie with anyone, but for you he’d make an exception.

And he had to have been lying on all the dates that followed. The time he asked you to be his, the first time he told you he loved you, the time he promised you it was the two of you against the world.

You remembered the last date the two of you went on. Merely two weeks ago he surprised you after you came home from a long day of work, telling you to put on some comfy clothes. You begged him to tell you where the two of you were going but he gave you nothing. He simply laughed as you tried all your persuasion techniques on him, pulling you closer and pressing a feather light kiss against your forehead before whispering “you’ll see,” and as you felt his lips curl up in a smile against your skin you couldn’t help but smile as well, surrendering and deciding to just put on some yoga pants and a flannel you’d stolen from Dean. Again he told you you looked beautiful. Told you that you looked better in that flannel than he ever had, or ever would. He took your hand and led you to his black impala, holding the door to the passengers seat open for you and shutting it after you’d gotten in. The whole ride through he continued to hold your hand, his other hand resting on the steering wheel. By the time he pulled over and cut off the engine it was a little after eleven and the sky had darkened, making way for at least a million of brightly shining stars. Dean pulled a blanket over the hood of his car so the two of you could sit down. He’d pulled your body into his and wrapped his arms tightly around you, providing you with just enough heat to not get cold, and the two of you spent the night stargazing. Every now and then one of you would point up, wanting to point out a star that seemed to shine just a little brighter than the others. Just as you’d started to drift off his lips moved towards your ear. “I’m yours. I’m all yours, sweetheart. Ain’t no one ever going to take you away from me,” he whispered, the feeling of his lips so close to your ear, his breath fanning your skin, making goose bumps spread all over your body. “I’ll stay by your side, always,” a smile spread across your face as you let yourself fall away in a peaceful slumber, his words still dancing in the back of your head. It didn’t take long before your head softly fell against his as you failed to keep it up any longer.

Every word, every touch, every smile. He’d have to been lying through his teeth.

At first you refuse to believe him, desperately scouring his face for a sign that he is indeed lying. You search for the sparkle in his eyes you normally notice when he’s cracking one of his horrible jokes, the fine wrinkles around his eyes that only appear when he genuinely smiles or laughs, or even a smirk, indicating he’s just fooling around. But you find nothing of the sort. It’s like staring at a brick wall, you see the cold, blank exterior but you don’t have a single fucking clue what is going on behind it. Likewise, Dean shows you a blank face, giving you zero indication of what is going on behind those eyes, inside his head.

And slowly the reality of the situation starts to dawn on you. Right then, right there, all you want to do is scream. Make sure everyone, all over town, can hear you. Make sure everyone knows. But you stay still. Your body trembling, but still. You shake your head. “No,” you bring out, hating how broken you sound. You feel tears coming up, but you will them away, refusing to cry, to break down, in front of him like you had many times before. “Everything’s fine. Whatever it is, we can fix this,” you desperately try. But you know damn well you’re lying, both to him and yourself. You reach for his hands, hoping your touch will solve it all. Make him feel anything, make him love you again. Make the truth disappear. But his hands feel unusually cold in yours.

“I was only pretending,” he declares, yet making no effort to pull back his hands. “You can’t really blame me can you? You can only blame yourself,” he goes on, his words growing bolder, harsher. He looks you dead in the eyes as he spits out those words and you feel your heart breaking a little more with every word that leaves his mouth. Making it impossible for you to hold back your tears any longer, feeling them fill up your eyes.

You wished you could hate him right now. Let go of his hands, that seem to be growing colder by the second, and throw him out instead of seeing him leave. But truth is, you don’t. Because while he may have been pretending, you sure as hell didn’t. You loved him. You loved him like you had never loved anyone else before. You’d felt a spark ignite that day he ordered his coffees and pie, fuelled by the fact that he gave you his number. And after that first date you knew you were a goner. You loved him even before he asked you to be his girl, you loved him before the hugs, the flowers, the late night walks or car rides, before you even knew if he loved you back. Every moment made that spark burn brighter, stronger. And right now you couldn’t simply extinguish it, leaving yourself with nothing but ashes and thick, suffocating smoke. You’d figured you shouldn’t have to, fully convinced that he would stay right here by your side like he promised. That the vows he made to you actually meant something.

God had you been wrong.

“So what happens now?” you ask, trying to keep the pain out of your voice, clenching your jaw as you attempt to keep your lip from trembling also. But Dean stays dead silent.

“Why would you leave me when you said you were mine?” you follow up your previous question as you conclude Dean isn’t going to provide you with any kind of answer.

Again, no answer. “Please just let me go,” is all he says. And with those words he pulls his hands out of yours. His hands even colder now, your hands unable to warm them like you had been before. He takes a few steps back, the sound of his shoes making contact with the wooden floor beneath them sounding hollow in the silence that is shared between the two of you, before turning around and walking out of the door without looking back.

You watch him walk away without saying another word and as you hear the door fall shut behind him you finally allow yourself to let the tears fall freely. Your knees buckle from underneath you and with no one there to catch you you fall to the floor, a raspy sob racking your body as you bury your head in your hands. You feel empty. Your entire body aching. The fire Dean had ignited now feeling like it’s burning right through you. The floor feels hard and cold against your knees but you’re unable to move. Unable to do anything but let the tears cascade down your face.

A few meters away, just from outside the door, Dean hears a soft thud as you fall to the floor. He hears the heart-breaking sob that starts your breakdown and hears the ones that follow. And it breaks his heart, more than it had already been broken. But there was no choice, he had to do this. He has to protect you. And the only way for him to do that is to keep you out of his world, away from the monsters. He’d rather have the both of you hurting, but with you alive, instead of spending the next few months with you but finding you dead one day after coming home. He’d seen too many people around him die; his parents, Charlie, Kevin, hell, even Crowley. He knew death came with the job description. The lifespan of the average hunter wasn’t very long, the better part of them getting killed during a hunt one way or another, sooner or later. He couldn’t get you involved. He couldn’t see you lose your life, too.

After listening to you for a little while longer, whispering useless ‘sorry’s’ and praying to whatever or whoever was listening that you’d be okay, he makes his way down the driveway to the street just around the corner where Sam is waiting for him. As he walks away, looking over his shoulder to the house he shared with the one girl he truly loved more than anything for the last time, a single tear leaves the corner of his eye and makes its way down his face. The heartbreak he feels is making it almost impossible for him to keep walking. But he has to. He knows that if he stops now, turns around one more time, he’s going to make his way right back to you. Tell you he was lying when he told you he didn’t love you. Tell you that he really does love you more than anything.

But if he wants to keep you save that’s not a possibility. So he keeps walking, shoulders drooped, head hanging low. He wipes away his tears before getting into the driver’s seat of Baby. Refusing to make eye contact with Sam.

“Dean..” Sam tries, but Dean immediately cuts him off.

“No,” he says, harshly. “This is the only way. I am not pulling her into this world,” he argues. “I can’t,” Dean mumbles, voice sounding wobbly. He’s practically begging Sam not to go against him on this one. He’s got his mind made up, nothing Sam will say to him is going to change that and he’d rather get out of this town as fast as possible. To leave the memories, the feelings, all of it behind.

To leave you behind.

His hands are freezing now. He genuinely doubts they’ll ever warm up again now you’re not here to warm them anymore. As he puts his key in the ignition memories of the two of you sitting in his car flood his mind. All the times the two of you pointlessly drove around, him driving of course and you occupying the seat Sam was now sitting in. All the times he held your hand while driving, the times the two of you were shamelessly singing along to your favourite songs and the times you talked, whether it was just mindless chatter or deep conversations late at night, they wash over him, suffocating him as he struggles to keep his head up. He takes in a sharp breath, shrugging off the urge to cry as best as he can, before he turns on the car and drives off. Away from the house, the street, the town, he considered home. Away from you.

He sure as hell hopes he did the right thing. Because if he could be sure of anything his head was telling him right now, it’s that there’s no coming back from this.

#dean x reader #dean winchester #dean one shot #dean winchester angst #dean winchester x reader #supernatural one shot #supernatural

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imperfectcourt · 5 years

Text

Andreil Anastasia Au

So I was gripped by something and I wrote this on my phone. Don't look too closely at literally any detail I just was smacked in the brain by an andreil Anastasia au and it was supposed to be short but now it's a lovely, unintelligible 2.1k

So.

I mean, Neil is obviously Anastasia, and the Monsters are going to take him on a grand road trip back to his father

And Neil lost his memory when his mother died while on the run. He doesn't remember how, just that there were flames and that he needed to run change lie

He knows there are gaps in his memory and despite his instincts to flee he's filled with a desperation to be someone and he has a postcard in his duffel bag that's worn and wrinkled so much that he can't make out the words on the back but the front is a picture of an old brick house and Edgar Allen Poe and he doesn't know when he got it or why he's kept it but if Neil from Before kept it he should too

Now the monsters. They need a bargaining chip. They have Kevin. The Moriyamas want Kevin back very desperately. Have been hounding and threatening them for months.

See, they had a great investment that went missing several years ago and they can't afford to lose Kevin as well. No, that just won't do.

So Andrew strikes up a deal. If he can find their lost investment and bring him back, they can keep Kevin. One investment is better than none and reuniting a poor kidnapped boy with his poor heartbroken father would do well for their reputation after the skiing accident.

Now, this is all on Andrew. Because Andrew has a promise to keep and he's going to fucking do it. He's heard enough stories and rumors and Kevin's drunken ramblings to know about Nathaniel. The Moriyamas pass a message that he was last seen north of Seattle so that is where they monsters conveniently vacation right after the semester ends. Aaron thinks it's a dumb vacation destination. Nicky loves the lgbt scene. Kevin follows Andrew.

At night, Andrew holds auditions for someone who can pass well enough as Nathaniel Wesninski to convince a few people who had met him when he was ten. According to Kevin, his father probably didn't actually want anything to do with him unless it was to kill him so chances were they'd never meet. If he can find and train someone good enough in the same city as Nathaniel's most recently known whereabouts, it should be good enough.

And the tip wasn't completely off. Nathaniel was on his way to Seattle because he thought it was time to come back through the continental u.s. Neil is looking for a place to crash and breaks into a boarded up motel whose aura makes him want to vomit and he's counting on that to keep others away.

When Andrew sees this short, flighty looking bastard with a shitty dye job skulking around his audition space he can't deny the shockingly blue eyes are exactly what all the others have been missing. Neil flinches at the name Wesninski and blames his feeling of dread on the blood stain next to the empty metal bed frame. (He doesn't need to know that his body is reacting to both things. His brain might not remember the sight of his mother being struck but his heart does).

He's desperate for a purpose and desperate to run change lie and it might not be an accident that he allows Andrew to stop him. It is an accident that he lets his guard down enough for Andrew to get a hold of the post card and make a comment about the Edgar Allen House in Baltimore. He'd never known what the weird house was. And really, that's the only reason he agrees to go on this crazy adventure. Possibly being reunited with a man who lost his son? Someone who shares his eyes and who comes from the same place as his only personal item? Learning who he is? Going to college? Playing a sport? What's the worst that could happen?

He agrees to go back with them. Andrew tells the others the plan- teach this kid enough about Exy to be useful by the time they get to the east coast so he can attend Edgar Allen University in Kevin's place. Neil is excited about a college education and answers and family and a purpose. Kevin feels sick with relief and guilt and clings to Neil's desire to go through with it.

And so they road trip. In a pinch, coast to coast is 40 hours of straight driving. They meander their way back and stop by any public court they can. Kevin teaches him how to perfect Exy (god, Neil feels so alive and right this is exactly what he's been missing why did his body know and crave this sport so deeply that his bones ached for it)

Andrew and Neil are both overly cautious, still. They trade as many truths as you can with someone who lost their memory. Neil can't trade his past but he can trade himself and he becomes so desperate to stay in the game that he begins giving away everything he's kept close (why had he? Why run why change why lie? Being known was everything, as long as Andrew was the one knowing).

He thinks he's been to Europe because he can never find chocolate that tastes exactly right and he knows some German and Russian. He has spent time in England probably because sometimes he uses words that make Americans tilt their heads. He knows French but usually speaks Quebecois French and he starts to do it around Kevin because it makes Kevin a little bit nuts and Neil is an instigator at heart.

These start out as secret truths. By the time they get to Wisconsin, he is much more open with these little bits of himself, as if others knowing them meant they are real, he's real (Andrew always knows first, though)

One day at a court near a public park in Madison, he mentions that he thinks he really likes math and Kevin snorts. "Russian, England, math. You sound more like Abram Besikovitch than Nathaniel Wesninski. Now set me up for that play again, it was terrible."

But Neil doesn't set him up again. He stops and stares at Kevin's mouth and then walks away in without a word all the way back to their shitty motel. Andrew follows him and puts the chain on the door to keep the others out. It's Neil's turn for a truth so he just raises his eyebrow and Neil doesn't need a clarification after weeks of zigzagging across america. He tells Andrew that Kevin made a joke and Neil didn't like it for some reason. Andrew says that Kevin will not say it again. When they smoke that night, Neil is solemn and feels like the void he'd been filling all summer has cracked open even wider in his chest.

In Chicago, some fans spot Kevin and ask for some selfies. Neil stands off in the background with Andrew and Aaron and Nicky and pokes fun at PR Kevin in rusty German.

Andrew gets a text from an unknown number later that says he has done a good job.

In Cincinnati, Andrew kisses Neil after a day of no Exy. In Pittsburgh, Neil kisses Andrew after a game with some local college kids. In Morgantown, West Virginia they stay in a decent hotel and kiss on the roof until the sun comes up. In Weston, Kevin has a panic attack and refuses to look Neil in the face and they order pizza and Neil falls asleep on Andrew's shoulder. In Ripley, Andrew does not believe in regret but he does believe in mistakes. On Route 77, he rummages through Neil's duffel while they all take turns peeing in the woods and its mildly helpful.

At a campground in Kenna, Neil goes missing.

While Nicky drives, Andrew chokes Kevin in the back seat and demands to know what he realized last week.

Neil doesn't know the woman who took him but his lungs do.

In the car, he remembers. The smell of burning flesh is pungent and unforgettable and singes his brain now like it did under the iron years ago. He screams and struggles and pleads. He thinks about Andrew and Kevin and the way the Maserati smelled after they drove too long with a broken air conditioner and the weight of an Exy racket and the absolute peace of kissing Andrew for hours and hours and of being known.

In Baltimore, he doesn't know how he could ever forget. He stares at his father and remembers. He remembers getting a postcard when they were at Uncle Stuart's house. He remembers the pipe to his mother's stomach. He remembers the car accident when he realized what had happened to her and the fire and stumbling through the California woods away from the emts and rescue and passing out near a stream. He remembers waking up and passing out all the way to the Canadian border where he used French that he didn't know he spoke and a passport he didn't know he had to cross into Vancouver.

He asks his father why, but really it's for Andrew.

Did Andrew know? Did Kevin recognize him? Had this always been the plan? Was any of it real? Was he real?

Desperation to fulfill a purpose. That was a joke. Desperation to survive was the only thing that mattered. Run change lie. Nathaniel fought his way away from his father, pulled himself across the concrete floor with his torn up arms, closed his body around the foot that kicked him in the ribs to trip, stall, anything.

A crash. Pop Pop. Thud.

Uncle Stuart wasn't surprised to see Nathaniel. Neither were the emts or feds. Nathaniel didn't have the energy to care anymore. He let them take him. His father was dead and he had no obligation to the Moriyamas and they had no real claim to him. What was it to him if the FBI had some questions.

It was all in exchange for some legal paperwork. Neil was back and he had some college credits in his back pocket and a decent high school GPA and absolutely no prospects outside of possible witness protection.

2 nights before his release from the hospital, Uncle Stuart comes back with a folder of paperwork for a university in South Carolina. He pats Neil awkwardly on the shoulder and says that the FBI aren't the only ones who can pull strings. Neil asks why this school. Uncle Stuart says that's where his friends go. Neil says that people who trade in people are not friends. Uncle Stuart asks if Neil really wouldn't sacrifice a stranger to save someone close to him. Neil says he has no one close to him and hates that it feels like a lie. Uncle Stuart asks if he still loves Exy.

In 2 days, he leaves the hospital and an agent drives him south.

A paper in the folder has an address and apartment number on it. When Neil presses the buzzer, he is let in with a disgruntled sound over the intercom. When he knocks on apartment 724 he comes face to face with a tall man who asks why he's so late to summer training and then how he expects to play in that condition. Neil asks what the fuck is going on. So does Kevin. Neil asks what the fuck again.

See, Stuart was always going to come after Nathan but a call from a boy who should not know his number had pushed up the date.

See, Andrew had looked for literally any clue that could be useful in Neil's duffel bag and found a phone number coded into a paper of numbers. Abram had been the key.

See, after Andrew had choked Kevin he learned that he had been surprisingly successful in acquiring an Exy investment for EAU. He learned that death would not pass over this unknown mistake, it would come looking for the runaway. He called the number, he asked about Baltimore, he told Stuart who he would probably find in that basement.

Neil hummed and waited on the couch. Andrew entered the apartment with a crash and did a poor job of looking unaffected. He clutched at Neil's bandaged cheeks and cursed him out for nothing, just to curse him. Fuck you you fuck you stupid fucking idiot you fucking dumb exy fucking fuck.

Neil asks about the promise. Andrew says that he always keeps his promises. Neil asks about the deal. Andrew says that the promise will just have to be long term babysitting if it can't be solved permanently. Neil asks about the kisses. Andrew says he doesn't believe in regret. Neil asks yes or no. Andrew doesn't answer with words.

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fallingin-like · 4 years

Text

november 29

baltimore blues by @spanglebangle [requested by @foxsoulcourt and @sig66]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

you’ve probably already read this fic, but in case you haven’t, it’s an amazing exploration of andrew’s perspective on the binghamton riot and baltimore. this fic has fantastic scenes with introspection and is just so impressive to read.

i remember reading this fic for the first time, shortly after having finished the books. i was hesitant to turn to fanfics because i enjoyed the books and nora’s extra content so much and didn’t want to move on, but more than that i was desperate for more content. like most people, i think i was looking for andrew’s perspective on the baltimore scenes. you did an amazing job at capturing it and the moments around it.

parts that stood out to me:

the idea that andrew’s body is tired after a game too. he does spend a lot of time not trying and the rest of the time using a lot of natural talent, but it’s exciting to me (and definitely exciting to neil) to see the evidence that he’s putting so much effort into exy

”he felt pummelled and worn out but despite it all, there was a tiny fizz under his skin. it was something like satisfaction to have denied the other team their goals and having made them curse and yell in frustration, a pleasant bit of spite he could chew on all day” this whole section is such a great vocalization of andrew’s thoughts, and it’s wonderful to see andrew slowly… finding satisfaction from playing, even if it’s based out of spite.

ooh i love the shower routine description, the post that you linked didn’t work for me, but a lot of it was the execution of it, i love the way that you really show trust, but the fact that andrew still carries his trauma with him and still struggles. recovery is a long road and it’s important that this is portrayed

andrew swapping his armbands is interesting to me, i guess i would have imagined he just bring his clean pair with his towel so that he can change it in the stall. with this though, i think it demonstrates the bit of trust, too. even if he makes the switch subtly, i think he wouldn’t do that if he weren’t as comfortable with the foxes

”he’d let andrew ask whatever, demand whatever, and would deliver it if it tore him to pieces” oh this is so beautiful

”it figured, that andrew would meet somebody who finally understood the full weight of a real promise, but would be too apt to take it like a martyr at any opportunity… and yet, being trusted to ask anyway… it put an itch under his skin, an uneasiness and yearning and odd kind of contentment that bothered him endlessly” i think this is the perfect example of a description of andrew’s true feelings about neil. it’s not as simple as liking him or being attracted to him and just saying that he hated him instead. this is a wash of emotions, unfamiliar and at times overwhelming and it kind of feels like a lack of control, which is what andrew really hates

”it felt wrong to demand answers when they might be freely given, if only andrew was patient enough” this whole paragraph is gold!! this is exactly why i think that neil and andrew both work so well together. they know when to push and pull and when to leave the other person alone.

a whole paragraph on andrew thinking about neil’s affinity with languages? what a mood, i love polyglot!neil. what a perfect request of andrew, something that he thinks neil would enjoy and something that would cause them to become closer, both because they would spend time learning it together and it gives them the privacy to communicate in front of the team

”a pair of campus police edged their way into the crowded room… actual professionals, then” NOOOOOOOOOOO I HATE THAT ANDREW EVEN SEEMS TO TRUST THEM A LITTLE BIT THIS IS TERRIBLE KNOWING WHAT THIS MEANS EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT’LL TURN OUT ALRIGHT.

oh no, andrew repressing his feelings ;-;

really interesting to see how you write the riot, there’s not that much included in the books, so it’s always fascinating to me to see what andrew does, who he goes to first, what the rest of the foxes are doing, and how he gets that bruise by his eye. and, of course, the realisation that neil’s not around. i like that you have them know right away, while the riot’s still happening

”he wended through corridors and broke locks to see if neil had scarpered for safety in the heat of the moment and found somewhere quiet to hole up and lick his wounds” ooo i like this sentence a lot

andrew holding on to the keys?? ahhh it’s so much

okay okay okay. non-verbal andrew is something that i really like having included, the confusion, not understanding what people were saying to him, it really immerses me into the fic, i can’t stop reading and i find it really special that i can’t wait to find out what happens, even though i already know that neil is okay, that they find him.

the switch to have andrew speak again is so good, how difficult it is to separate him from kevin, the way that andrew can’t hide his emotion this time

”he knelt and picked up the phone and keys as gently as he could, feeling appalled he’d let them go for even a second” this is such a soft moment amidst the churning, sharpness of andrew’s anger

”andrew found himself hauled away again like a child having a tantrum and plonked outside the bus” lol cute!!

andrew losing time? yeah

”it hit him around ten that he was grieving” ANDREW NO THAT’S SO SAD HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THIS

”apparently neil’s refusing to talk to them until he sees your ugly mugs again” LOL so affectionate

andrew finally being able to sleep is so good

love that andrew is keeping the keys and phone with him all the time!!!

yes, another wymack lecture would be good any other time than this coach!

it’s always interesting to see how different authors/artists interpret the wounds that neil received. i think that, as gruesome as yours are, they seem something most similar to what i expected. burns that are a mess, and many of then, completely destroying that side of his face. i can’t imagine lola stopping at one or two of them and moving on to his arms

”they were a mirror image of crushed glass and barbed wire on high walls” yes!! this whole paragraph!!! so amazing

”andrew wanted to hate the spark of amusement and almost relief in his chest, at seeing neil be the unapologetic firebrand and fierce instigator that had snagged andrew’s attention over and over again this year, even battered and injured and shaken” your word choice is so great here, the way that you built this sentence i can’t even describe how much i like it

”it often was, andrew thought distractedly. it had taken so little to stop tilda” andrew is probably the only fox that truly understands wanting a parent dead

”he listened attentively to the story neil gave the interviewers, but everyone else’s voices slurred and mumbed together in a confusing, exhausting mess.” i love the way that you describe andrew being overwhelmed by everything. his one focal point is, and always has been, neil and keeping him safe.

”’stop it,’ andrew commanded, because he couldn’t bear the thought of neil’s hands being permanently damaged” oh it’s so interesting hearing how you interpreted this

”he leaned back against andrew’s side. it was more soothing than andrew wanted it to be” this is so soft!

”before starting the engine, he took the cigarette lighter from his dashboard and tossed it calmly out the window and into a trash can” yes! even more significant because andrew probably actually used the cigarette lighter previously

”he drove his pack back to the campus roads” andrew calls them his pack!! that is so cute

”being yanked out of the closet so violently had never been his plan, but it seemed oddly fitting for the general pattern of his life” i’ve spend a long time reading fanfics instead of the actual series so i forgot for a moment that before this, nobody knew andrew was gay. and the last part, oh. it really sucks that so many things that people learn about him are not his choice.

andrew stopping himself from the spiraling thoughts, taking breaths and calling bee? amazing, wonderful, for once andrew is a good example to others

foxpile!!!

agh, andrew exposing himself to be close to neil, so good

”at the very least, if any hitmen tried to come in they’d trop all over the foxes lying there and wake everyone up” LOL

”he knew his own strength was largely in the physical - he’d walled off his emotions and shut down his mind long ago instead of learning better coping mechanisms. neil’s strength was in his head, in his fiery heart and acid tongue and fierce determination to live as much as he could in what little time he could gouge from the world” THIS IS AMAZING, the wording and everything, just so so wonderful

”hello, hello, you’re here, i was grieving you but you’re alive, hello, things haven’t changed so much, hello…” oh i love this

i like the checking that andrew does, i liked seeing how you describe his constant reassurance that what he’s doing is okay

”he was wanting and planning and… hoping” andrew :”)

your characterization of andrew is amazing to read, how you captured his the contrast between his thoughts and emotions that he hid with the reactions that he allowed through. did you find it challenging? i can imagine there must have been pressure because readers have seen some of these scenes from another perspective, so there’s not as much flexibility with his actions or the dialogue

your descriptions of everything were wonderful and reflected what i imagine andrew to be like. his rationalization behind his actions and how he reacted to fear after so long of repressing his emotions. i’m glad that this was one of the first fics i read for the fandom, being exposed to this high quality content definitely helped draw me in. thank you so much for writing this!

#baltimore blues #aftg fic review #raelle writes

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basically-neil-josten · 5 years

Text

trans!neil josten

Warnings: cursing Edited: kind of?? like the first half is

Uh yo so I highkey hc Neil as trans (and I will stand by that until I die), so have this!

Neil should have known better than to play Class 1 level Exy in his binder, but it appeared that his dysphoria got the better of him. The way it was practically eating him alive. Normally he wasn’t this much of an idiot, but he must have thought that maybe if he could just build up the stamina for it, everything would be fine. It was only his first week with the full team, his first few practices had been pretty mild, but now they were rapidly picking up. The Foxes were in the middle of their morning practice, when suddenly Neil felt a shooting, burning, pain throughout his chest.

“Fuck,” He cursed sharply under his breath, taking it upon himself to stop playing and hunch over. His hands resting on his knees as Neil fought desperately to get air back into his lungs. With every breath, a new burning pain would emerge. It was damn near overwhelming. Neil sunk to his knees as he started coughing, by now he had attracted the attention of multiple other players. Dan was first to respond, she dropped her racket as she ran towards Neil. Her shoes squeaking loudly against the court floor, the sound echoed now that it was the only one in the court.

“Hey… Neil breathe,” Dan shushed, carefully rubbing Neil’s back. Finally, he gasped, taking in a deep painful breath. Neil could feel all of their stares on him, and he hated it. He thought he could handle this, he had in high school. But this was different, a whole other ball game. This was college level Exy, far more intense than high school.

“Come on,” She gestured gently for Neil to sit back. He obeyed and sat on his knees, one hand scratching at the floor as if to find some type of leverage. Neil closed his eyes and tilted his head back as Dan struggled with his helmet straps.

All eyes were on Neil, he could even feel Wymack’s intense stare from the otherside of the plexiglass court wall. He didn’t like it, he hated this kind of attention. His old team learned shortly to just let Neil deal with these issues on his own, and Neil liked it this way. But the Foxes were very different from his old team, and he didn’t see them changing anytime soon. Neil supposed he’d have to adapt to this.

Dan slowly lifted Neil’s helmet off and placed it down next to him. Trying to hide her look of concern with a light smile. Neil couldn’t return a smile, he was too focused on trying not to pass out from the burning, growing, pain and asphyxiation. Somewhere, far off, he heard his other teammates making quiet comments. Though he couldn’t make out the words quite right, he could still hear their tones. Matt sounded concerned, kneeling down next to Dan and whispering softly to her. Kevin: annoyed. Grumbling about how Neil should know how to pace himself on the court. Andrew: bored. He stood with his racket perpendicular to the ground, his chin resting on the butt of it. Aaron seemed intrigued almost curious, but not a single drop of concern could be found in his eyes. . Allison and Seth were talking so quietly, he couldn’t even hear the tone they were using. Nicky was standing farthest away from Neil, his facial expression looking like he was trying to piece something together. That look made Neil’s gut twist with anxiety. He couldn’t afford anyone finding out about this, they’d kick him off the team for sure. Exy was all he had, he couldn’t bare to lose it. Renee stayed silent, but she hovered just behind Dan, worriedly looking down at Neil.

“Do you need water?” Matt asked, breaking the few seconds of extremely uncomfortable silence. Neil nodded, managing to get out a raspy, “Yes… Please,”

Matt nodded and got up, leaving the court in search for Neil’s water bottle. Neil then made moves to get up, Dan instantly started trying to help him. Neil just waved her off, wanting to get up on his own. He’d shown enough weakness enough already.

“How about you go to the locker room? Take a break for a bit, ok?” Dan suggested, Neil instantly opened his mouth to protest. He had to get back into the practice, he could get through this if he just got used to it. He was sure of that.

“No,” Dan shut it down before it even started, “I’m your team captain, so you’ll listen to me and go, alright?” Neil had no other choice than to obey. He picked his racket up and slowly made his way off court. Once he was off, Dan turned back to her team and started practice up again.

The court doors banged shut behind Neil. He trudged into the locker room, trying his best to ignore the intense stare he felt from Wymack. But Wymack hadn’t said a word to him yet. Neil hoped he would keep it that way.

Neil sat down on one of the wooden benches, his elbows on his knees as he put his head in his hands. He was still working on getting his breathing under control when he heard the locker room door swing open with force. Neil jumped and looked up to see Kevin approaching.

“What the hell was that?” It sounded more like a demand than a question. Neil rolled his eyes and stood up.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” He replied, his voice dripping with annoyance.

“I don’t give a shit,” Kevin spat, the anger was practically radiating off of him.

“What the hell happened to the Neil Josten I recruited? The one who gave me his game? And now you can’t even get past the first twenty minutes of practice?”

“I’m working on it,” He said simply, his tone harsh yet cold.

“Well work harder,” Kevin berated, balling the front of Neil’s jersey in his fist. Even though there was about three layers between Kevin’s fist and his chest, one of which being his thick chest padding, Neil could still feel a sudden fear pulse through him. Neil grabbed Kevin’s wrist and forced his way out of his grip. Making sure to keep his expression schooled, to not let a single hint of fear creep on it.

“Fuck off,” Neil glared, taking a few cautionary steps back.

“We can’t afford having you passing out every goddamn game, so you better get your shit together or else-” “Or else what?” A new voice cut in, “Take a hike, Kevin,” Neil looked past Kevin’s shoulder and saw Nicky standing at the door, his arms folded as he leaned up against the wall.

“You’re in no place to tell me what to do,” Kevin huffed, turning towards Nicky.

“Andrew’s orders,” He said simply, his voice staying level. Kevin grumbled something angrily under his breath and walked off, heavily glaring at Nicky as he passed by. Neil sighed and sat back down, staring at his hands. He could hear Nicky walking over to him, then felt Nicky sit down on the bench, a solid two feet between them.

“Is there something you want to share, Neil?” Nicky asked softly. Neil squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“No, I’m fine,” He said, fooling no one.

“I won’t tell them, you know,” Nicky reassured. He thought back to the week before when Nicky had said the same thing. He’d walked in on Neil mid testosterone shot. At first, Nicky thought that he was doing heroin or something, but Neil was quick to sweep that idea away. He half lied and said that he took it because he had a natural testosterone deficiency, and that he needed it. Which was true, Neil just didn’t say how much testosterone he was really lacking. Nicky did seem skeptical at first, but Neil had no trouble convincing him. Maybe he just hadn’t done as well as he thought he did in that department.

“How can I trust you?” Neil questioned, opening his eyes again, though he didn’t dare look up at Nicky. Truly, he didn’t know how to trust anyone, let alone Nicky. And to be quite honest, Neil didn’t want to trust Nicky, but it seemed that he’d have to now. Nicky already knew, he was just waiting for Neil to say the words.

“I haven’t told a soul about your heroin addiction,” Nicky joked lightly. He laughed softly at his own joke. Neil felt a ten pound weight fall off his shoulders from that. He sighed, finding a way to work up the courage to say it, it was only a simple two words, and yet they seemed to get caught in his throat. Neil took a few deep breaths, wringing his hands.

“I’m trans,” His voice was quite, borderline inaudible. Though Nicky picked it up clear as day.

“Thank you, for trusting me,” He said genuinely. Neil just nodded in response, finally standing up and looking at Nicky.

“Just promise me you won’t be an idiot again?” Nicky asked as he stood. Neil sighed and started weighing the pros and cons of not binding while on the court.

“It’s really too many layers to even notice, and the chest armour alone can probably hide it,” Nicky cut in before Neil could think of refusing.

“Fine, I won’t be an idiot anymore,” Neil agreed, he could see Nicky physically relax.

“Starting tomorrow,” Neil added. Nicky nodded and thought of that as reasonable.

“Alright,” Nicky started to the door, then turned when he noticed Neil wasn’t following just yet, “Come on, we’ve got a practice to finish,”

Neil nodded and starting jogging out of the locker room. He gave Wymack a small nod as he passed by him, to show that he was fine. Wymack’s look said that they’d be talking about this later, but Neil didn’t want to worry about that right now. As he walked onto the court and towards his starting position, Nicky stopped him with his racket.

“Hey, take it easy kid, got it?” He waited for Neil to show a sign of understanding.

“Got it,”

tag list:

@just-jackson-ah

@mehlisssa

@vio-is-lit

(let me know if you want to be added!!)

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video-killed-the-radio-host · 5 years

Text

Heartbeats on the Airwaves chapter 8

So just a forewarning. I intended this to be a good chapter but I accidently made it angst. Oops. Well you meet two new characters and get a peak into Cecil's past just a tiny bit.

For the amazing @acealex-blueiguana

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Carlos didn’t sleep much that night. He couldn’t. He stayed awake, watching Cecil sleep beside him. He knew Cecil was a vivid dreamer. Carlos had found that out when he woke up with a pale arm across his face that wasn’t his and Cecil was mumbling French beside him. It made for an interesting first morning after.

Now, Cecil was curled up on his side, arms wrapped tightly around himself. Carlos lays beside him, entwining their fingers together. He made a vow to himself to keep Cecil safe, even if it killed him.

The pull of sleep finally won at three thirty and Carlos gave in. His sleep was light and dreamless, but he did wake up when Cecil shoved him off the bed. He hit the ground with a thud before jerking awake. He sits up, rubbing his head. “Cecil?”

He peeks up over the edge of the bed to find Cecil sitting with the blanket draped over his head and sporting a sheepish smile. “Good morning. Why are you on the floor?”

Carlos raises an eyebrow and stands, stretching and making his joints pop. “Yes. I do wonder why that is.” He says, shaking his head with a smile and sitting on the edge of the bed. He leans over and goes for a kiss but stops halfway, not wanting to scare him again after last night.

Cecil lets out a giggle and leans over, meeting their lips together. He presses against Carlos with a hum as he leans his head back with a giggle. Carlos wraps his arms around the small of Cecil’s back and kisses him once more.

“Hello there.”

“Hello Carooos.” Cecil drawls in a way drove Carlos crazy.

Carlos groans, rolling his head back. “Cecil, if you keep talking like that, I’m going to be late for work.”

“Doctors are never on time anyway. At least not in my experience.” Cecil muses with a smirk. He stretches, arching his back like a cat.

“Now that’s just rude.” Carlos scolds, smacking Cecil’s back playfully.

“Rude but not untrue. My job is to report on the truth, is it not?” Cecil purrs. He leans his head to the side, making his tangled hair fall to side. “I’ve been told I’m very good with my mouth.”

“I see.” Carlos hummed before rolling them over. Cecil yelps in surprise, falling flat against the bed. The blanket hits the floor with a rustle of fabric. Carlos just chuckles. “You should wear my clothes more often. They look good on you.”

He is referring to the red flannel Cecil had slept in. It hung a little on Cecil’s smaller frame but looked amazing in Carlos’ opinion.

“If I did that, you’d be tripping over yourself all day and getting nothing done.” Cecil points out.

“Maybe so.” Carlos agrees, leaning down and kissing him deeply. His eyes close as he feels Cecil reach up and bury his fingers in the mess of dark curls. Carlos lets out a moan as Cecil’s hand slips from his hair to tighten in the fabric of his shirt. Carlos breaks the kiss but doesn’t pulls away. “Ceec, I have to get ready for work.”

Cecil tightens his hold. “Shower at work.” He protests. “You’re warm and I’m cold.” He moved his free hand down and stuck it under Carlos’ shirt. “I don’t want you to go yet.”

Carlos’ eyes go wide. “Holy shit!”

“I told you.”

Carlos squints down at his lover and smirks before sitting up and reaching for his glasses. “I have something for you.”

“Oh?” Cecil propped himself up on his elbow, reaching for his own glasses.

“I know that your ring is…. missing. So, I found my class ring. It needs resized and I know it’s not much but until I can get another one, I was thinking- “

“Carlos?”

“-this one. “Carlos stops talking and looks up. “Yes?”

“I would love to wear your class ring.”

“Well then, in that case, Cecil Gershwin Palmer, will you marry me?”

“My answer was and still is yes.” Cecil beams, taking ahold of Carlos’ shirt once more and pulling him close. He kisses him deeply, nipping at his bottom lip. Carlos takes the cue and opens his mouth, He lets out a soft sigh as he feels Cecil’s tongue slip past his lips. Carlos pulls Cecil onto his lap and rolls his hips up once before breaking the kiss. “Cecil, I really have to go or I’m going to be late.”

Cecil wines, hugging him tightly.

Carlos chuckles softly. “I mean it this time. I have to go.”

“But- “

“I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

Cecil huffs and climbs off of Carlos’s lap.

“I love you.” Carlos kisses his cheek.

“Oh, I’m sure.” But Cecil cracked a smile.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yes sir.” Carlos smiles and kiss Cecil one last time, on the cheek before changing quickly and heading to work.

-----.-----

‘The club is busy tonight’ he thinks, making his way down from the stage after his set. He looks around the crowded floor. He looks for his usual. It was Friday, meaning he would get paid well tonight. He gets flagged down and smiles. So, the night begins.

He saunters over to the man sitting in the dark corner. He knew exactly what the man was doing. Adding the air of mystery.

“Hello their Kitten. How may I satisfy you tonight?” He purrs, dropping gracefully onto the seat beside the man in the shadows.

“Come now, Sunshine, you know exactly what I want. My tastes haven’t changed.” Said a voice that made his blood run cold.

“What are you doing here?” He demands. He tries to get up, but he is held down by the man’s arm.

“I’m just a paying customer here for the services offered.” The man drawled. “And you remember the last time you tried to refuse a service?” He ran his finger along the scar that peeked out from under the short yellow shorts. The stripper shudders and lets out a soft whimper.

“I see you do remember.” The man pulls his hand away. “Shall we?”

He nods and stands on shaky legs. He forces himself to slip back into the persona of Sunshine, the always happy, always smiling stripper. He was known for his good mood. If he does as is expected of him, he would be safe.

“Of course, Kitten. Right this way.” Sunshine drawled, extending a hand and forcing himself to meet the man’s eyes.

Those eyes were burned into Sunshine’s memory. They were a steal grey and paired with the platinum hair, he looked like an ice warlock. Sunshine lead him to a backroom. Once in the room, Sunshine drops the man’s hand and closes the door.

“Since you are a repeat, you know the rules. Three songs in an order, sixty dollars a pop. No touching below the waist.”

“Of course, sugar.”

Sunshine flips on the stereo and begins his dance. The first dance didn’t involve any touching at all, just Sunshine rolls his hips, circling the pole in the middle of the room. He slides down, easily dropping into the splits before picking himself back up. He circles the pole once more before the slow sensual beat drops. Hooking one leg around the pole, he pulls himself up, hanging upside down for a minute. The dance was full of twists and flips and spins. The glitter in Sunshine’s hair got everywhere but he didn’t care. When the song finally ends, Sunshine carefully climbs down from the pole and crosses the room to take a drink before the next song. Setting down the bottle of water, Sunshine stalks across the room and stands in front of the man. He climbs onto the man’s lap with an anxious feeling in his stomach.

“Remember the rules.”

“Of course, darling.” He purrs as Sunshine begins to move to the beat of the song.

Sunshine fought the urge to roll his eyes as he grinds his hips down, the forced smile plastered on his face. The man brings his hands up, resting them on the clef of Sunshine’s ass. Sunshine stops abruptly. “Above the waist.” He growls, taking ahold of the man’s arms and moving them off his body.

“Oh, my mistake.” The man purrs, putting his hand on the small of Sunshine’s back, pushing the boundaries as far as he could.

“I’m sure. “Sunshine retorts, keeping his tone light but his words dripped with venom.

“I get the feeling you don’t like me much.”

“Gee I wonder why that is? Maybe it’s because you hurt my brother.”

“Speaking of him, I saw him the other day. Got this pretty little gem off of him.” The man pulls a chain from under his shirt. On the chain was an elegant and very old silver ring. Sunshine recognized the band instantly. He stops moving again and tries to climb off but is held in place by the man’s tight grip. “The song isn’t over, Sunspot.”

“Sunshine. Now let me go!” Sunshine begins to squirm in the hold, desperate to get free. “That does not belong to you.”

“I will get my money’s worth you whore.”

Before he knew what was happening, Sunshine brought his hand back and slapped him. It was loud and surprised even Sunshine himself. He shrinks back the best he could.

“I’m-I’m so sorry.” His eyes are wide, and he starts to shake with fear. One of the biggest rules was to not strike the patrons under any circumstances.

“You bitch!” The man growls. He backhands Sunshine, making the dancer cry out and fall onto the floor. He tries to get up but is kicked back down. He brings his arms up to protect his face but that leaves his torso vulnerable. He is kicked in the chest twice before he hears a pocket knife flipping open. Sunshine felt true fear for the first time in two years. He closes his eyes and waits for the cut that ended his life. He felt the cold metal on his arm and then there was pain. It was down his arm. Then he was kicked in the face again. He felt a crack and cried out in pain. He was bleeding from both his arm and his nose. He hears the dull click of metal and then retreating footsteps. He doesn’t react. Just closes his eyes and embraces the blackness.

The next hour or so passed in a blur. Sunshine had woken to find the money he was owed and the ring next to him. He gathered them up and made his way to the hospital. The nurse at the desk asked for his name and without thinking, he told her his name is Sunshine. She asked for his legal name but before he could answer, a familiar voice asked,

“Kevin?”

Kevin turns his head and nearly wept with relief. “Carlos. Thank god. I need help. I need stitches and I think-I think- “He wheezes and groans in pain. “I think my ribs are bruised.” He leans against the desk to keep from passing out. He vaguely hears Carlos telling the nurse-he catches that her name is Parker- to call Cecil and tell him that it was an emergency. Then he wraps himself around Kevin and begins to walk slowly.

“Let’s get you to a room and get you cleaned up so I can fix you up.”

Kevin just nods, letting himself be guided. He felt horribly exposed in his outfit of short shorts and a crop top, especially in the cold air of the hospital. He gets guided into a room and then sat down.

“This may sting.”

“’s fine. I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Who did this to you?” Carlos asked gently, starting to wet a cotton ball with rubbing alcohol.

Kevin doesn’t meet his eyes. “Tyler Brooks.” He says softly.

He sees the shadow of Carlos’ arm stop moving. “Cecil’s ex Tyler Brooks?”

“I got his ring back.” Kevin says softly, wrapping his uninjured arm around himself. He still doesn’t look up.

“Wait-Kevin, why? Wh-why is he hurting you?” Carlos begins to clean the cut again.

Kevin hisses in pain. “I started stripping to put Cecil through college. He’s always been there for me, so I wanted to help him. He-he started dating Tyler and everything started off fine. Then Tyler found out that I-that I’m a stripper. It’s not like I hide it. I’m not ashamed of my job. He started coming to shows, Requesting one on one dances and the like. He said that if I told Cecil, I’d never see him again. That no one would. He was-he um…very manipulative. He was emotionally abusive. Got angry and drunk a lot.” He pauses and shudders. “He said that he’d beat Cecil within an inch of his life. So, I started to pull the punches. I let him hurt me to keep Cecil safe. Because if he hit me, he promised that he would never raise a hand to Cecil. And he never did.”

“You never went to the cops?”

“I couldn’t-Couldn’t break Cecil’s heart. Its stupid, I know but…I don’t know. One time he brought a knife. He had lost his job.” Kevin shudders and then cries out in pain, sucking in a sharp breath. “That’s how I got this.” He touches the scar on his leg.

Carlos opens his mouth to answer, a gasp from the doorway caught both of their attention. They turn and see Cecil standing there, his face paler than usual. Shit. Kevin felt his heart drop.

“Ceec. How much did you- “

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cecil’s voice cracked.

Fuck. He heard it all.

“Because I didn’t want you to get hurt.” Kevin doesn’t look away. He is surprised when Cecil crosses the room and hugs him. He is shaking and looked like a scared child.

“I am so so sorry. You could have been killed and it’s my fault because I let my emotions cloud my judgement.”

“Cecil, I would go to hell and back before I let anyone hurt you.”

“He did this to you didn’t he?”

“Oh please. This is far from the worst I’ve experienced.” Kevin shakes his head, but from the look on Cecil’s face, that was the wrong thing to say. “Look, I would gladly do it all again, if I could keep you safe.”

“Okay. I need you to sit very still so I can put the stitches in.”

Kevin bites his lip and nods, looking away.

“Kevin, please please never keep anything like this from me ever again.”

“Cecil- “

“No. I need you to promise me. Right now.”

Kevin hesitates but meets his twin’s eyes and nods. “I promise.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I actually made myself cry writing this🙃

@mrtacothethird

#wtnv #welcome to night vale #wtnv carlos #cecil palmer #carlos the scientist #wtnv cecil #cecilos #and cecilos content #fanfiction #au #fic wip #wip #hbotaw #wtnv kevin #original male character #evil oc #bad things happen to Kevin #im sorry kevin

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simone-garnett · 5 years

Text

title: we’ve never been so alone (and i’ve never been so alive) pairing: josiepea word count: 2.5k information: 5 times josie rides Sweet Pea’s motorcycle and 1 time she rides him on the bike. not compliant w/ s3 except for the summer fling.

ffn /// ao3

It is a dark and gloomy night, the moonlight hidden by ominous clouds, the brightness of the stars shining in the sky denied to those underneath. Instead of its beauty there is only a black night sky, promises of evil lurking in the grumblings of the clouds above, the approaching storm coming closer to the sleepy town of Riverdale, ready to unleash its fury on the town.

It leaves Josie worried, trapped somewhere between the Northside and the Southside. She had been with Toni, the girls having a night to themselves to enjoy the benefits of high school, gossiping and singing, Toni a duet partner Josie never expected, the best friend she never thought she would have again.

And it is magical when they are together, when they sing together, voices blending in perfectly. There is always a reluctance to leave, and each time it is later than before, though the consequences have never been as severe as they are tonight.

Because tonight her car broke down, the engine refusing to start. It is dark and she’s on an empty, isolated road, where it is unlikely she would see another soul for hours. And if she did... no one would hear her screams.

She calls Toni almost instinctual. She was closer to the Southside than the Northside and, given how crime ran rampant in both sides of Riverdale, it isn’t a comfort to be further away from her home. It takes five rings before Toni picks up, the girl casual in her answering of the phone, unaware of the urgency that Josie was struggling through.

“What’s up Josie. Miss me already?” she teases, laughing as she spoke.

“My car broke down T. It broke down and I’m on five percent battery and I need a ride girl. Please.” And if her voice cracks Toni doesn't say a word, she can't. Josie ends the call almost immediately to preserve battery, clicking it to her chest, rocking back and forth in her seat. There was only one route between the sides, Toni would find her.

She had to.

But until then, Josie was alone.

“Come on Toni, please.” There is fear thrumming through her veins, mixed in with the anticipation of seeing the headlights of her friend coming to save her. It has her bouncing in her seat, eager for the tightness in her chest to dissipate, for her to catch a glimpse of a familiar, friendly face. But she has to wait and time drags on, seconds feeling like centuries when you’re alone in a woodland area, each sound eliciting fantasies of bodies bathed in blood, of serial killers and hapless victims.

It is horrible, the way she locks the doors of her car and slinks low when she sees the lights of a motorcycle approaching her, the beating of her heart quickening as she hears the engine die. But she hadn’t forgotten the trauma of the Black Hood, hadn’t recovered from the nightmares where she thought she was going to die, where she thought her stalker would kill her. Josie still shudders at the memory, phantom touches brushing across her neck and arms.

She startles at the sound of knuckles knocking on the window at the driver’s side, wild eyes looking at her potential attacker.

It takes a few, long minutes before she recognises who it is. “Sweet Pea?!”

The door opens without a second thought, Josie jumping to her feet at the night of him. “Hey Jos, heard you needed a ride?”

She’s torn between throwing her arms around him and never letting go or glaring at him. The latter option is safer. She has too much pent up energy for the first option to go well. “Where’s Toni?”

“She couldn’t make it,” he starts, a lazy grin on his face as he lets his gaze drift down her body before meeting her eyes, no shame at being caught. “So you got me.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans, rolling on the balls of his feet as he watches her. His grin falls a fraction. "... unless you want me to go -"

"No! "and the vulnerability in his tone as he asks the question is drowned out by the desperation in her own, Josie reaching out to him, a hand on his forearm to hold him in place. And there is no thought of teasing her, of mocking her, not when he can see the fear in her eyes, can feel the trembling of her touch.

“What is it Jos?” And there is barely any deliberation, Sweet Pea covering her hand with his own, eyes encouraging her to talk. And it’s nice, Josie distracting herself with the warmth of his touch, of just how big his hand was compared to her own, the roughness she felt when he brushed his calloused thumb over the top of her wrist.

It’s soothing, his presence with her. And maybe that’s why she confesses. “I uhh... I had a stalker last year. It’s okay now, but sometimes I just - I don’t like being alone. Especially in this creepy-ass wood.” Her eyes betray her true feelings and she can see his concern, can see the question on the tip of his tongue.

And she can’t, can’t let this continue.

“So, you know how to fix a car engine or what?”

He can see what she’s trying to do, Josie slipping her hand from his own, moving to busy herself with the car bonnet, her voice clearer, strong once more.

Sweet Pea forces out a chuckle, ducking his head to look at the engine. “I think I know a li’l something.”

He doesn’t know enough to fix her car.

It takes ten minutes for him to finally give up on fixing the car itself, no equipment and an approaching storm enough to convince him it would be more beneficial to try again in the morning.

He says as much to her when he closes the hood, Sweet Pea walking over to his bike, telling Josie to grab her bag over his shoulder. But when he turns around she is still by her car, eyeing him warily.

Not him, he realises, his bike.

“Josie?”

“I’m not getting on that thing.”

He rolls his eyes at her conviction. “Come on, it’s not like it’s the first time you’re riding it.” But he catches her guilty expression, his own lighting up with glee as he puts the puzzle pieces together. “Oh but it is.”

Sweet Pea pushes off his motorcycle, a swagger in his step as he approaches her. And goodness, she thinks, Sweet Pea crowding into her personal space, leaning down far too close for Josie to remain comfortable, he’s still just as attractive as he was all those months ago.

There is a smirk curling his lips and she wants to hit him for it, wants to erase it from his face. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”

“No,” she scowls, crossing her arms and glaring at him. And good, yes, she thinks, Josie grasping at the rush of anger, clinging to the annoyance. It makes it easier to ignore the lust swirling at the pit of her stomach, their proximity reminding her of their summer together, of just how he could make her feel.

“Then jump on.”

“No.”

“Well, if you’re not afraid to ride it it must be me.” And there is a look of smugness, she can hear in his tone. “Scared of being close to me, scared you can’t resist me?” His voice drops an octave, “scared you’ll want to ride me instead?” And he leans in closer, eyes fixed on her lips. She can’t really blame him... she was staring at his own.

There’s a clap of thunder that has her jumping, Josie’s gaze darting away from Sweet Pea, going to the darkness, imaginary figures dancing in the shadows, ready to creep up on them when they were distracted.

He softens, the smirk replaced with a look of concern. The shift in her demeanour is sharp, and he knows her, spent all summer learning everything he could. “Hey Jos, I’m sorry yeah.” And it’s distracting, the way he rubs his hands up and down her bare arms, comforting her. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he mumbles, Sweet Pea looking at her through his lashes, almost bashfully. “But you gotta Jos - it won’t be safe to leave you here and I ain’t got a car. Neither do any of the Serpents.”

She looks longingly at the motorbike, a sadness in her gaze eyes she eyes the machine. “I don’t know if I can Sweet Pea.”

“Okay, so here’s what I got.” And she looks up at him, missing his warmth as he takes a step back. And, not for the first time since their break up, she wonders if he’ll indulge her fantasies just once more, his arms around her, his mouth... “Either you jump on and I drive you home and you can come get your car fixed tomorrow morning when it ain’t dangerous or dark or we sit here and wait for Kevin to pick you up.”

The second option steals her attention, hope filling her voice. “What?”

He shrugs, as though it were nothing. It was everything. “Look, you don’t wanna ride her and that’s fine, but I ain’t leaving you here.”

“But my phone is dead,” her voice drops off, Sweet Pea already having pulled his own from his pocket, sliding it into her hands.

He smiles at her, it is crooked and she knows it could be wider. But here, now, it was perfect. He was perfect. And Josie thinks she may have been staring for a moment too long, Sweet Pea jerking his head up at her, as if trying to nudge her in the right direction. “Go on, call him.”

And she starts to, the number memorised. But then a flash of lightning has her mind turning, the thunder way too close for her to feel comfortable. “But what if it rains?”

He knows what she’s asking. “I’ll be fine in the rain Josie.” But his confidence is belied by the lack of protective gear he was wearing. And god, there is a rock in her stomach at the idea of him riding in the pouring rain, skidding on the wet surface, no one around to save him. It is like a vice on her heart, squeezing it too tightly and for too long.

And in a moment of weakness she knows she’ll regret, she cancels the call, handing him back his phone. “You better have a second helmet with you.”

Sweet Pea’s smile is blinding, the boy wrapping his arm around her shoulders, tugging her to the bike. “Of course. Moment Toni called I grabbed her old one.” He turns his head to her, and she finds her heart lifting at the sight of his beaming smile. “Can’t have anything happening to that pretty head of yours.”

It should comfort her, his thoughtfulness, his sweetness. And it does,

but then she is at his motorbike, and nothing could comfort her.

He sits first, shuffling forward in his seat so that she could have enough room to sit comfortably herself.

And she knows she can’t put it off any further. With a swing of her leg over the body of the vehicle she is there, she’s on it.

It is nerve wracking sitting there behind him, the engine now running, the purr of the motor and vibrations sending her heart to her throat.

His eyes were laughing, Sweet Pea grabbing her hands and wrapping them around his stomach. “You gotta hold on real tight ‘kay?” Josie nods against his shirt, her body plastered onto his back. “I’ll go slower for you if you want.”

“No, no. Faster you start this thing, faster it ends.” She grumbles it. And the last thing she remembers hearing is a bark of laughter from Sweet Pea before the engine revs,

and they’re off.

Panic aside, the ride wasn’t that bad.

She distracts herself with the song lyrics, singing softly to herself, ensuring the lyrics would fit in the time signature they had agreed on. It fits and she smiles to herself, glad that her and Toni had done so much in their night together, their music developing. And Josie remembers why she had the Pussycats; being solo is a rush like no other, knowing that the crowds are there for her, cheering her, coming just for her. But singing with someone, working with someone, being with someone, it’s just incredible, it’s incomparable...

And she thinks that maybe she’s allowed to have more than just her music, that she can have it, can have everything she dreamt of without it detracting from her focus and dedication to it, not one iota.

There is something like disappointment growing in her chest when she feels the motorcycle slow down to a stop, Josie slowly opening her eyes to see her home to the right. It’s mechanical, the way she gets off the machine, slipping the helmet off her head, Josie standing on the sidewalk in front of the bike.

It’s strange - she had been terrified before the ride and during, but now it is over, she hopes it isn’t. It takes a single glance at Sweet Pea, the boy slipping off his helmet, taking the one from her hand with a soft word of thanks, and she thinks she knows why she’s disappointed it’s over.

He leans back on his bike, arms crossed and he stays silent, watching her with those dark eyes of his, the same that made her feel gorgeous and desirable and wanted and alive.

“Thanks Sweet Pea,” she says quietly, not whisper and yet, not loud. It was soft, intimate, and the smile that accompanies it is just as gently. He returns it easily, and she can’t let it end like this, can’t let him leave without understanding the gravity of what he had done for her. Because he was more than just a ride, he listened to her, he comforted her. He was there for her when she needed him to be. “No seriously,” the step forward is hesitant, cautious. And she places her hand on his forearm, squeezing it gently. “Thank you.” And she lifts herself up on her toes, Josie pressing a soft kiss against his cheek. It is brief, is chaste, and she makes the mistake of meeting his gaze as she lowers herself back down, his eyes dark, so many things swirling in his gaze. It leaves her dizzy and breathless, Josie’s breath catching at the sight of it. Sweet Pea opens his mouth, and she knows he is going to say something that will change things. They were in a good place and she doesn’t want it to change, even when she’s hoping it does. And in that moment Josie is a coward, she knows it,

she runs.

#josiepea #swosie #sweet pea #josie mccoy #riverdale #ruthie writes #riverdale fic #the title is a slight change to the lyrics of motorcycle drive by #bc i thought it would be hilarious to have the title from a song with motorcycle in its title #sweet pea x josie

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