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nikkoliferous · 3 years

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Phase One: Avengers (Part One)

With everything being about the LOKI series right now and me dreading it, I figured I'd distract myself by finally posting my thoughts on the Phase One: Avengers novel, which I seem to recall somehow being way worse than the Thor novel? I'm not completely convinced this thing wasn't ghostwritten by Taika Waititi; that's all I'm saying. Anyways, here we go.

(Quick note: please be aware that this overview is significantly Thor-critical. If that sort of thing bothers you, I do not recommend proceeding. You've been warned. Lol)

Let's start off with a friendly reminder that SHIELD had four hours to evacuate before Loki showed up, shall we?

Dr. Selvig read an energy surge from the Tesseract four hours ago,” Coulson was saying.

“I didn’t approve going to testing,” Fury said.

Coulson nodded. “He wasn’t testing it. He wasn’t even in the room. Spontaneous event.”

So either they're grossly incompetent or grossly negligent, but either way those deaths are on them at least as much as they're on Loki. If not more so.

“It just turned itself on?” Hill sounded skeptical. Fury, as usual, was less interested in how they’d gotten there than in what they were going to do next.

[...]

Selvig acknowledged him briefly and then returned his attention to the monitoring equipment. “Director, the Tesseract is misbehaving.”

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“No, it’s not funny at all. The Tesseract is not only active, she’s… behaving.”

Fury didn’t comment on the doctor characterizing the Tesseract as female. He also wasn’t interested in Selvig’s notions about its personality. It didn’t have a personality. It was a cube containing energy, and all Nick Fury wanted was to know how to control that energy. “I assume you pulled the plug.”

Fury having no intellectual curiosity explains a lot, tbh. Like how he thinks Loki "kills because it's fun", even though nothing about their prior interaction indicates that. Like, at all. Loki killed only the agents who were attacking him. Because he felt threatened. If he indeed killed for the fun of it, he would have taken them all out and been done with it. Doing so would have both entertained him and made for a much smoother getaway.

“She’s an energy source. We turn off the power, she turns it back on. If she reaches peak level—”

“We prepared for this, Doctor. Harnessing energy from space.”

“We’re not ready. My calculations are far from complete. And she’s throwing off interference radiation.”

Fury watched the Tesseract in its circular containment shell. Eight separate energy sensors built into a frame supporting that shell were designed to measure and conduct that energy. Those sensors in turn rested on stainless-steel support scaffolding. The whole setup sprouted cables and conduits. These were there to supply energy to the Tesseract in a controlled fashion so Dr. Selvig could analyze its reactions. Now they were all shut down, as Dr. Selvig had said, but even so, the Tesseract glowed with a fierce blue energy. It was starting to spill onto the sensors, arcing like electricity. But it wasn’t electricity. It was something much more exotic.

I also find it curious/amusing/something that Fury later accuses Loki of "stealing a force [he] can't hope to control". YOU'RE DESCRIBING YOURSELF, NICK. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T CONTROL IT AND HAS BEEN ARROGANTLY PRETENDING YOU CAN.

The man looked up at them and smiled as he stood. He was not a large man, not remarkable in any particular way. He had long black hair and wore black leather clothing, similar to what Fury was wearing. However, he wasn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Fury didn’t know where he had come from.

I beg to fucking differ lmao

Fury had the Tesseract in a steel carrying case and was taking a step toward the door when the stranger turned to him and said, “Please don’t. I still need that.”

Kudos to Loki for not forgetting his princely manners even while completely off his rocker. Lol

“This doesn’t have to get any messier,” Fury said. He glanced quickly around, trying to figure the fastest way out.

“Of course it does,” the stranger said. “I’ve come too far for anything else.”

TELL US WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH, LOKI. INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.

“Loki?” Dr. Selvig said. He stood up from helping one of his fellow doctors, who was barely conscious. “Brother of Thor?”

“We have no quarrel with your people,” Fury said.

Loki acknowledged Selvig and then returned his attention to Fury.

By "acknowledged", the author means he rolled his eyes so hard he saw his own brain lmao

“I come with glad tidings,” Loki said. “Of a world made free.”

“Free from what?” Fury asked.

Turning back to him, Loki said simply, “Freedom. Freedom is life’s great lie. Once you accept that in your heart…” As he spoke the word “heart,” he turned and touched Selvig’s chest with the tip of his scepter, just as he had with Hawkeye. Selvig gasped, and the same change came over his face that Fury had seen in Hawkeye’s. “You will know peace.”

He's not simply deranged, you know. For Loki, this is actually true. He has never been free in his entire life, and won't be at any point after this either. Yes, there was also the torture and the mind control at play, but even underneath all that, is it any wonder he was vulnerable to the Thanos cult's brainwashing?

Hawkeye had been looking around the complex. Now he stepped up to Loki. “Sir, Director Fury is stalling. This place is about to blow and drop a hundred feet of rock on us. He means to bury us.”

Loki looked back at Fury, who said, “Like the pharaohs of old.”

“He’s right, the portal is collapsing in on itself!” Selvig called out from the monitors. “We’ve got maybe two minutes before this goes critical.”

Friendly reminder, once again, that Loki wasn't even aware the PEGASUS facility was on the verge of collapsing—let alone the cause of it.

“Well then,” Loki said. He glanced over at Hawkeye.

Without a word, Hawkeye drew his gun and shot Nick Fury once, dead center in the chest.

Two things:

1) Every time I see this scene in gifs, all I can think of is, "Pull the lever, Kronk." 🤣

2) So how does the direct mind control of the sceptre work anyway? Because Loki never actually gives Barton a command here. So does he sometimes communicate with his minions telepathically (sort of like The Other does with him), or does Barton just intuit his intent here, or what?

Maria Hill saw Hawkeye come out of the lab into the garage with Selvig, a liaison officer, and a stranger carrying a spear. He looked more like one of the people they’d been recruiting into the Avengers Initiative than an ordinary technician or S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. “Who's that?” she asked.

*sigh* In a just MCU, this would have been foreshadowing.

She jumped into a jeep and headed after them. Other S.H.I.E.L.D. vehicles followed, filled with agents. They roared along the underground access road that led up to the surface in the New Mexico desert. She was gaining on them and firing as she drove. Sooner or later, she’d be close enough to have a good shot at the stranger.

He had other ideas, though. When he saw the pursuing convoy get too close, he pointed his scepter at them. The tip of it flared bright blue, and a bolt of energy lashed out from it, striking the vehicle in front of Hill and shattering the right side of its passenger compartment. The vehicle slewed around and flipped, rolling and landing sideways across the road. They were blocked.

Interesting of Loki to go for the passenger compartment instead of the driver. Was anyone even sitting there? Just one more example in a long string of Loki being inexplicably merciful to his enemies, I guess. 🤷

They got around ahead of the truck, and Fury leaned out of the helicopter’s side door. He fired, emptying his clip. He could tell from the sparks that some of the bullets had hit, but he was too far away to see if they’d done any damage.

His real target was Loki, but he was protected by the cab of the truck. Fury couldn’t get a good shot at him.

Did Fury already forget that Loki is bulletproof, or...? I mean, I guess that's fair. Earlier, Hawkeye goes to draw his sidearm only minutes after the narration points out that the bullets already fired at Loki had bounced away harmlessly.

Leaning over the truck’s roof and keeping low, however, Loki could get a good shot at the helicopter. A blue bolt lanced out and struck the helicopter’s rotor assembly. All the control mechanisms went haywire, and the helicopter spiraled down out of the sky. The truck drove underneath them as they were about to crash, close enough that Fury could see the gloating expression on Loki’s face.

Haha, good for him.

“Coulson, you know that Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me,” she said.

“Oh, I’ve got Stark,” Coulson said. “You’ve got the big guy.”

Oh, Natasha thought. That big guy. She said something in Russian. It wasn’t polite.

This has nothing to do with Loki. It just made me laugh.

Nick Fury had called an emergency meeting of the World Security Council. They needed to know what had happened with the Tesseract, and they needed to know what he planned to do about it. He brought up holographic images of all the WSC members, with their faces and locations hidden. He did not know who they were, but S.H.I.E.L.D. reported to them.

Well, that doesn't sound problematic at all, does it?

“The Avengers Initiative was shut down.”

“This isn’t about the Avengers.” That wasn’t strictly true, but Nick Fury was no idiot. He wasn’t going to show all his cards to the World Security Council when he didn’t even know who they were.

I'm glad he at least recognizes the stupidity of working for people he doesn't know, but uh... debatable, otherwise. Lol

“This isn’t about personality profiles anymore,” Coulson said. He wasn’t giving up, and that irritated Tony even more than the fact he’d showed up right when the celebration of Stark Tower was supposed to be starting.

*cough*DIVA*cough*

Loki watched Dr. Erik Selvig work, preparing the Tesseract for the next phase of his plan. Technicians and soldiers scurried about on various errands. Loki did not know the details and did not care. They were beneath him. He had his eye solely on the greater prize. It was time to consult with the Chitauri and begin the next phase of the preparations.

Really? You expect me to believe that Loki, the master tactician with "a cunning mind far exceeding Thor and Odin’s", couldn't be bothered to know the details of his own plan? Um, how about no?

Deep space and a field of stars surrounded this rocky world. Pale blue lights glowed where the Chitauri had built their fortress. They gleamed in a set of stairs that climbed to the topmost tower. That was where Loki had made his bargain with the Chitauri: They would be his army and he would open a path to Earth for them. Once Earth was his, and Asgard as well, he would turn the Tesseract over to them.

At least that was what he had promised.

1) Who said anything about Asgard...?

2) Indicator that Loki never planned on actually turning over the Tesseract? I don't know why you'd include this line otherwise.

“Let them gird themselves,” he said. “I will lead them in glorious battle.”

“Battle?” the Chitauri warrior snorted. “Against the meager might of Earth?”

“Glorious,” Loki repeated. “Not lengthy. If your force is as formidable as you claim.”

He had intended to anger the Chitauri, and he had succeeded.

Personally, I saw this less as intending to anger and more as "Loki has no self-preservation instinct and literally cannot help himself". What's to be gained by intentionally pissing off The Other here?

“You don’t have the Tesseract yet.” The Chitauri leader rushed at Loki and stopped just short of him, claws raised. Loki did not move.

“I don’t threaten,” he said, though he was doing exactly that.

LOL

The Chitauri leader backed down but only a step. “You will have your war, Asgardian,” he growled. Then he too decided to make a threat. “If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he cannot find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.”

Loki flashed back into his awareness of Earth. He took a deep breath. The Chitauri did not frighten him… but he would have been a fool if he had not possessed a healthy respect for their leader, the mad Titan known as Thanos. For it was Thanos who had given Loki the scepter, and Thanos who had rallied the Chitauri to Loki’s cause… and Thanos who wished to possess the Tesseract for his own monstrous ends. One did not bargain lightly with Thanos—and one certainly did not fail to meet the terms of such a bargain.

Love how this book just repeatedly glosses over the obvious fact that Loki was tortured. In the first chapter, it makes zero mention of his stumbling or other signs of being weakened. Here, it completely omits the pain WE ALL SAW The Other inflict on him. Fuck this narrator, seriously.

Steve had a moment to look around. The commanding officer appeared to be a woman with short dark hair reeling off orders from near the center of the bridge. “S.H.I.E.L.D. Emergency Protocol 193.6 in effect,” she was saying after a series of status orders and acknowledgments. Steve didn’t know what protocol that was. At the moment, all he knew was that he was on a flying aircraft carrier… and wasn’t that enough? Amazing.

[....]

The Helicarrier disappeared from view. From the inside, it didn’t look any different, but Steve saw monitors from satellite feeds, and on those, the Helicarrier had simply become invisible. He corrected himself: He wasn’t just on a flying aircraft carrier. He was on an invisible flying aircraft carrier. The future was pretty… cool, was the word everyone used now.

I'm not the biggest Steve fan, but I will admit to finding his childlike awe over the Helicarrier slightly adorable. Lol

Side note: is someone on this thing coordinating with Air Traffic Control? I... really hope so.

“What did it show you, Agent Barton?”

Barton turned to look at Loki. “My next target,” he said.

Loki nodded. “Tell me what you need.”

Barton took one his bows out of a case and snapped it into shape with a flick of his arm. “I need a distraction,” he said. “And a biometric ID.”

Why the change from "eyeball", I wonder? Seems random. Lol

Inside, Loki had been mingling with the crowd, taking on the appearance of an ordinary man with a walking stick. But as the president of the museum, one Doktor Heinrich Schäfer, began his welcoming speech, Loki decided it was time to make a dramatic entrance. He tapped the walking stick on the floor and it became his scepter. Immediately, to get the crowd’s attention, he aimed it at the nearest museum security guard and fired.

This... didn't happen?? At all??

Loki strode the rest of the way down the stairs and manhandled Schäfer over to a stone altar that was one of the museum’s prized ancient Norse relics. He slammed Schäfer onto his back, forcing a machine over his face. Schäfer cried out in pain and surprise as the machine shone blinding light into his face, holding his eyes open.

On the one hand, confirmation that Loki did not actually shred this dude's eye and he's probably fine. On the other hand, the author completely made up what just happened literally two sentences ago, so their credibility is a little suspect at the moment. Lol

A police car, alerted by the commotion, raced toward him. He blasted it with his scepter, and it spun out of control and crashed.

ACAB!

The crowd froze. Slowly the crowd knelt, and Loki reveled in their submission. “There,” he said. “Is this not simpler? Is this not your natural state? It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.”

He's talking about himself here. We all get that, right?

An old man in the middle of the crowd stood. Loki paused in his speech to regard this individual. Around him, all the copies of himself also looked at this old man.

“Not to men like you,” the old man said.

“There are no men like me,” Loki said.

No lies detected.

But Loki was tougher than he looked. He struck back with the scepter, forcing Captain America to parry until Loki found an opening and slammed the butt of the scepter into Captain America’s midsection, knocking him down. Captain America threw the shield again, but this time Loki was ready. He knocked it aside. It fell ringing to the stones of the plaza, and Loki had the tip of the scepter against the back of Captain America’s neck before the soldier could get back to his feet.

Correction: If he'd actually been trying to win, he would have used the tip. (Narrator: he was not trying to win).

A sudden storm rose around the Quinjet. Natasha looked at the instrument panel. There’d been no warning of heavy weather. “Where’s this coming from?” she wondered out loud.

At first, she thought that Loki was responsible. But that didn’t appear to be the case. He looked more nervous than anyone else on the jet.

Loki has Thor-induced PTSD. Understandable, tbh.

Thor let Loki fall well before they got to the ground.

Because Thor is an asshole.

So hey, as long as we're here, let's review how each member of Loki's family responds to the realisation that he's survived his suicide attempt.

Thor- manhandles him, angrily demands to know where the Tesseract is

Odin- refuses to even use his name, implies he should have either slaughtered him as an infant or left him to die

Frigga- tells him not to make things worse (fucking rich coming from the woman who exacerbated his trauma immeasurably by thrusting the throne upon him when he was at his most vulnerable)

Wild, man. I wonder why Loki's convinced his family doesn't give a shit about him. They seem like such loving people to me.

“I remember a shadow,” Loki said bitterly. “Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss. I who was and should be king!”

Because you would have destroyed Asgard, Thor thought. Just to impress our father, you would have annihilated all the Nine Realms. “So you took the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No. The Earth is under my protection, Loki.”

1) Actually, he was trying to save Asgard... from a war that YOU started, numbnuts. He went about it all wrong because he was having a fucking mental breakdown, but at no stage did he even really endanger Asgard, let alone come close to destroying it.

2) Um, what? Where the fuck in Loki's plan was annihilating anything other than Jötunheim? I see Thor shares his friends' impressive conclusion-jumping skills. Not surprising.

3) Thor, I mean this truly and without reservation: go fuck yourself.

Loki chuckled. “And you’re doing a marvelous job with that. The humans slaughter each other in droves while you idly fret. I mean to rule them, and why should I not?”

He... has a point.

“You think yourself above them?”

“Well, yes.”

At least Loki is honest about his condescension, Thor. You should try it sometime.

Suddenly furious, Loki raged at Thor. “I’ve seen worlds you’ve never known about! I have grown, Odinson, in my exile. I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it—”

“Who showed you this power?” Thor interrupted. “Who controls the would-be king?”

And he will never bring this up again. Ever.

Stepping right up to his brother, Thor shouted back. “Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this poisonous dream!” Then he softened. “You come home.”

“I don’t have it,” Loki said. Furious, Thor brought Mjolnir to his hand, ready for battle.

Thor's sort of a one-solution kind of guy, huh? Somebody help me out here, because he's "changed" but his first instinct when he's not getting his way is still to react with intimidation and violence. Funny how that works.

Tony braked and skidded to a halt as the Asgardian rolled away from him, tearing up trees and brush as he went. He got to his feet and extended a warning hand. “Do not touch me again,” he said.

Oh, what's the matter, Thor? Do you not like being manhandled? That's weird because you sure do seem to enjoy doing the manhandling. 😕

“If he gives up the cube, he’s all yours. Until then…” Tony’s faceplate clamped back down. “Stay out of the way.”

He turned to walk back to a place where he could make a clean takeoff. “Tourist,” he muttered.

That was the last straw, apparently, because the next thing Tony knew, the Asgardian’s hammer had hit him about as hard as he’d ever been hit in his life. The force of the blow carried him through the trunk of a tree and laid him out flat in the dirt.

Please note that Thor was not being attacked. He once again used offensive violence against someone who hurt his feelbads. "Changed", my rear.

“Then prove it,” Cap said. “Put that hammer down.”

“Uh, no, bad call,” Iron Man said. “He loves his hammer—”

The Asgardian interrupted Tony by smashing him out of the way with a backhand swing. “You want me to put the hammer down?” he roared, and leaped high into the air, bringing his hammer down toward Captain America.

And again—not in any immediate danger, simply reacting with violence to something that made him angry.

“Oh, I’ve heard. A mindless beast. Makes play he’s still a man. How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?”

“How desperate am I?” Fury echoed. He walked slowly over the catwalk to stand in front of Loki. “You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can’t hope to control. You talk about peace, but you kill because it’s fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did.”

This is called 'projection', kids. Projection, and making up stories about your enemies so they're easier to hate. Fury needs to show his work.

Loki knew he had been heard throughout the ship. He could hear the echoes of the speakers, and even if he had not, he always knew when people were listening to him. That was part of his power, to make them listen… and to make each of them hear something just a little different. Just what he wanted them to hear.

This doesn’t mean anything, does it??

Perhaps he was in a cage right now, but he had been in cages before. Not once had one been able to hold him for long.

This... has to be a reference to his time with the Black Order, right? There's certainly no basis for such a statement pre-2011.

Or the author is just on crack. That's very possible.

Thor took a step toward Bruce. “Have a care how you speak,” he warned. “Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard… and he is my brother.”

“He killed eighty people in two days,” Natasha pointed out.

Citation needed, please.

“Well, I promise a stress-free environment. No tension, no surprises…” As he spoke, Tony walked behind Bruce and gave him a little zap with an electrical instrument.

“Ow!” Bruce said.

Tony looked closely at him. “Nothing?” He’d been testing Bruce to see how well he controlled the Hulk. The little shock hadn’t provoked any kind of unusual reaction, which Tony seemed to find a little disappointing.

Ok, but what exactly was Tony's plan if Bruce had Hulked out here? lmao

“Steve,” Bruce said, “tell me none of this smells a little funky to you.”

Cap looked back and forth between the two scientists. Bruce could tell he was struggling with something… but he also wasn’t going to share it. He was too much of a good soldier for that.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

“Yeah. I’ll read all about it.”

“Or you’ll be suiting up with the rest of us.”

Bruce shook his head with a regretful smile. “No, see, I don’t get a suit of armor. I’m exposed. Like a nerve. It’s a nightmare.”

Bruce has BPD. Lol

No, you guys don't understand. That's literally what it feels like.

Thor watched over Coulson’s shoulder as the agent showed him S.H.I.E.L.D.’s current files on Jane Foster. When he had learned that Loki had captured Erik Selvig, his first thought had been of Jane. Thor had destroyed the Bifrost to save the Nine Realms, but he had also cut himself off from her… or so he had thought. It was a terrible decision to make, sacrificing love for duty—yet Thor had done it. If necessary, he would do it again. He hoped it would not be necessary, though, and that was one reason why he had asked Coulson about Jane.

Oh my god, Thor. You spent like, three days with her, max. And people call Loki the dramatic one...

Thor looked out into the sky, gathering his thoughts. “When I first came to Earth,” he went on, “Loki’s rage followed me here, and your people paid the price. Now, again. In my youth, I courted war.”

“War hasn’t started yet,” Fury said.

1) Correction: when your daddy threw you to Earth like a sack of trash down a cosmic garbage chute. You were not here on vacation, bro.

2) No, Loki's rage followed your treasonous friends.

3) LAST YEAR. YOUR 'YOUTH' WAS LAST YEAR.

4) *committed mass murder over an insult

“You think you could make Loki tell us where the Tesseract is?”

This possibility hadn’t occurred to Thor. “I do not know,” he said. “Loki’s mind is far afield. It’s not just power he craves. It’s vengeance, upon me. There’s no pain that would pry that need from him.”

1) Opposing Thor = being crazy. Noted.

2) Not everything is about you, buddy. At the risk of repeating myself, this is the guy I'm supposed to believe learned humility? Really? Where?

3) Please note that Thor does not object to torturing Loki because it's immoral or because the thought of hurting Loki pains him. He objects because he doesn't believe it will work.

Thor held Fury’s gaze. It was not the first time he had looked at a one-eyed man who posed him a difficult question. “What are you asking me to do?” he asked, wanting Fury to be clear and to own his words.

“I’m asking what you are prepared to do,” Fury said quietly.

“Loki is a prisoner,” Thor said. He thought Fury was testing him, seeing if he would violate his ideals to find out something they all needed to know. But Thor would not.

"I'm okay with physically assaulting prisoners if they make me mad, but I suddenly draw the line at torture. Even though my 'ideals' didn't appear to be a concern two sentences ago."

If I feel like being generous to Thor, maybe he initially hoped Fury would back off if he just said torture wouldn't work, and then Thor wouldn't have to risk appearing... soft? Weak? I don't know.

“But you figured I’d come,” she said.

“After,” Loki said. “After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate.” It was a typical approach. Cause misery, and then let someone appear as a friendly face. The miserable person would say anything to keep this friend. Loki had seen strong men break this way, many times.

I'm not sure why the author felt the need to depersonalize this by talking about other men. Loki knows this experience intimately. It's what he's endured his entire life at the hands of his "loving" family. The torture just wasn't physical then as far as we know.

An interesting story, Loki thought. She has much to atone for. He could hear some of her memories, from before her first encounter with Barton. Little girl, he thought, you’ve done some very bad things. And now you think you owe Clint Barton your life… but there is more to it. Loki could tell there was something in her mind that he was not quite uncovering. He pushed a little more.

Is... is this text implying that Loki can read people's minds/memories even without touching them?

“Can you?” he asked. “Can you wipe out that much red?” He listed for her some of the things he knew she had done. “Dreykov’s daughter… São Paulo… the hospital fire? Barton told me everything.” This was a lie. Barton had told Loki certain things about Romanoff, but he was also guessing some others.

He... guessed the details of these very specific incidents? What? lmao

He pushed ahead. Now that he understood her, he could break her. “Your ledger is dripping, it’s gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? Pathetic. You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors, but they are part of you and they will never go away.”

He's talking about himself again. 🥺

For some reason, this book skips right over the part where Loki threatens both Barton's and Natasha's lives. Not sure why; the author clearly has no problem depicting Loki as an unhinged psychopath most of the time. Oh well, whatevs.

Loki couldn’t understand how she had gathered her composure so quickly—and then he did understand. She was a superb actress! Or not even an actress, for he could see through a conscious performance. She was something else. She had been broken down and remade so many times, with so many identities, that she could put them on and take them off at will. And Loki had gotten lost in those emotional costume changes.

He had been outwitted by a mortal. Unthinkable.

Yeah, phew, it's a good thing Natasha figured it out in time. Otherwise, something terrible might have happened—like Bruce Hulking out and rampaging through the Helicarrier. Oh, wait...

“I was wrong, Director,” Cap said. “The world hasn’t changed a bit.” He looked angry and disappointed. Captain America was a big believer in shooting straight and telling the truth. He didn’t like spies and he didn’t like lies, and now he saw he was knee-deep in both.

This novel's hero worship of Steve Rogers is going to kill me. 🙄

“I’d like to know why S.H.I.E.L.D. is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction,” Bruce finished.

“Because of him,” Fury said, pointing at Thor.

“Me?”

“Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town,” Fury said. “We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned.”

Has anyone figured out yet how this line doesn't conflict with Captain Marvel? Is Fury lying to hide her existence for some reason? Or is this just one of those things that we're supposed to shrug and pretend wasn't retconned?

“A nuclear deterrent,” Tony said. “Because that always calms everything right down.”

“Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark,” Fury said coldly.

On the one hand, yes, good point. But on the other hand, he... stopped making them? So clearly, he no longer thinks they are a good thing?

And also, not to gloss over his past sins, but wasn't Tony born rich? Lol

“I thought humans were more evolved than this,” Thor commented.

Tony turned on Thor. “Excuse me, did we come to your planet and blow stuff up?”

Didn't Fury say this in the movie? Why did the author give the line to Tony instead? There are all these... weird changes in the story that are so minor I have no idea why the author made them. Very confusing.

Just like that, all of them were arguing. Cap and Tony were nose to nose, while Bruce and Natasha fired remarks back and forth. Thor stood off to the side, contempt plain on his face.

'Cause he also thinks he's superior to humans. 🙃

Tony and Cap squared off over an argument that they couldn’t even remember starting. Tony was still mad about the last thing Cap had said to him… whatever it was.

In case there was any doubt about the sceptre being the reason everyone starts losing their shit with one another.

Cap stood his ground. “Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”

Tony had an answer ready for this one. “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

Hey Steve? You know he invented the suit, right? Like. The suit is literally him.

“Put on the suit,” Cap said. “Let’s go a few rounds.”

Steve putting out big Joe Biden, "listen, fat..." energy here lmao

Thor laughed. “You people are so petty… and tiny.”

Thor, my dude. You literally started a war over being emasculated in front of your friends. I don't think you get to judge other people for being petty.

Fury could see things were spiraling out of control. He started trying to get them all back on track. “Agent Romanoff,” he said, “would you escort Dr. Banner back to—”

“Where?” Bruce interrupted. “My room? You rented my room.”

Nobody had said it out loud, but they all knew the cell currently holding Loki was designed for the Hulk.

What was their plan for containing the Hulk if necessary after sticking Loki in his cage, anyway? Did they even have one?

“Dr. Banner,” Cap said. “Put down the scepter.”

Bruce looked down. He hadn’t even known he’d picked it up.

Why does that sound familiar...?

Even though he could see what was going on, the hostility in the air was still thick enough that Bruce didn’t know whether he could back everyone down… or whether he could back himself down. He could feel tension rising inside him. He could feel the monster trying to get loose.

And yet none of them so much as considers the idea that the sceptre might be having a similar effect on Loki? Ok then.

But even though he was now refocused on the mission, the others still bickered. Loki had gotten into their heads, sowing discord and setting them against each other.

lmao I'd just like to note that Loki didn't actually do anything. This was all them and the effects of just being near the sceptre. #ThanksLoki

“The Tesseract belongs to Asgard,” Thor said.

Why, though?

“I’ll go after it,” Tony said.

“No you don’t,” Cap said, stepping into his way. He wasn’t ready to forget the way Tony had insulted him.

Ok, first of all, you started it. But also, seriously, Steve, that's your number one priority right now? Earth's mightiest heroes, ladies and gentlemen... lol

I have apparently managed to hit the paragraph limit, so we'll return after this short break, I guess. 🙈

↪️ On to Part Two

#there is a lot of salt here please remember to drink plenty of water #loki meta #loki #thor #tony stark #steve rogers #bruce banner #natasha romanoff #clint barton #nick fury #avengers assemble #mcu #phase one: avengers #thor critical

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 3 years

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netflix shadow and bone s1 e5 pt3: peak darklina

the first kiss scene Alina is so beautiful Her little smile as she picks up his kefta after he hears him call out for Ivan to get it like ooh I'm gonna play a little trick on Alek Her making him smile with a joke that's not even funny The tentativeness of it all, them tiptoeing around each other, testing the boundaries Him being taken aback by her offering to help him put on his kefta but still wanting her to and immediately resorting to business voice asking questions about official sun summoner stuff And putting on his serious business face him trying to explain away the gloves by calling them a safeguard, not a sign of him not trusting her abilities the face he makes after saying spectacle either depicting his distaste for the showiness of the event or depicting his embarrassment at how he phrased the sentence, like what the fuck did I just say (more likely the first one) Her quickly turning around and walking away after the eye contact makes her realise how close they are and him pulling a puzzled look as she does so Just. Just how adorable the energy is. Both of them making jokes to diffuse the tension, her gripping the table to maybe steady or calm herself, the looks they give to each other as if engaged in a delicate dance; god-like Him straight up just blinking and looking down and gulping as she says 'we can offer Grisha and Ravkans hope' (could be multiple things he's thinking at this point, and all of them interest me) 'That means a lot to me, Alina.' *her turning to look at his face* 'You mean a lot...' *her immediately lowering her gaze and tracing where her mal scar used to be lmao* 'to everyone' *her raising her gaze to him again* The music swelling as she walks up to him, her barely grazing her fingers against his collar, his eyes looking across hers as if in disbelief, her looking at his lips, and then her closing the gap between them. Him being a little stiff, indubitably from being shocked, and yet giving into it almost instinctively as if he can't help it. The violin coming in powerfully yet softly to emphasize the tenderness of it all. This thing has been made with so much love and I can't contain myself about it. Him opening his eyes half a second after Alina, almost as if waking up from a dream and then, following a relaxing of his facial muscles as he clearly regains his composure, immediately looking inscrutable. Her doubting herself, not losing eye contact as he stands up from the desk, but her sudden fear, regret, and embarrassment clear on her face. Her sides of her lips slowly rising giving way his own self mirroring her and breaking into smile and composing himself and breaking into smile again before saying 'Not many people surprise me, Miss Starkov'. Her now fully breaking out into a smile, her face a picture of unguarded joy, she looks down only to have his gaze follow her face. Both of them giddy in the other's presence and the audience can feel it. It feels like he is leaning in for another one when the sound of the door opening makes them spring apart, regaining their composures and standing at a respectable distance from each other. Her poorly suppressing a smile, him looking at her visibly, her mimicking him with a glance out of her periphery, causing her to give in to her smile completely. Him looking visibly distracted as he attempts to pay attention to whoever came into the room. the Jesper of it all Jesper the mega idiot not being able to control his face from doing a thing as he realises the person who caught him where he wasn't supposed to be is the same person he was making sexy eyes at before and yet regaining his composure in record time The poor stable hand actually being interested in Jesper and being adorable with Jesper just being like charm itself Can you believe looking at Jesper Llewellyn Fahey in the flesh and having him make sexy eyes at you and then forgetting about it? Because I simply cannot. The line about light role play? Felt a little not right. GO OFF STABLE HAND WHO PUSHED JESPER AGAINST A WALL AND KISSED HIM, HE LITERALLY SAID IM POPPING OFF AND

THEN HE DID Zoya Zoya saying fuck off to the random racist comment made by one of the guests, but she was racist to Alina herself? (I mean South Asian-East Asian hate is not uncommon so idk) David omg the cutie pie adjusting his hair at the fete HEARTRENDER FUCKING HUSBANDS Fedyor insisting on Ivan eating the sweet and Ivan's solemn head shake like no babe im on a diet and Fedyor being like heart eyes please eat the sweet my love and then Fedyor holding Ivan's face to make him nibble off a corner and Ivan's face splitting into a reluctant grin Kaz the actor Seeing Kaz the actor instead of Kaz the master of trickery and plans is an interesting thing Kanej being Kanej cute banter interaction, would recommend, 10/10 hints at Arken being sus The look Kaz gives Arken when Arken leaves, I really should have known, I was simply being a clown Darkling and the dumb royalty We love the Darkling suppressing his anger at these otkazat'sya rulers dissing the grisha and the little palace Alina's entrance The soft hum that we hear when Alina enters but we don't see her face Alina's adorable peeking The Darkling's expression changing despite being done af with these mfers and instantaneously on catching a glimpse of Alina, she really has that power huh He really made it look like his pupils dilated and who knows maybe they did Him trying to call her out for not following protocol but him melting and saying 'you look lovely, by the way' Her saying 'you look like you needed saving' I can't breathe you're so cool ballroom at the little palace I must confess I expected the ballroom of the winter fete to be bigger

GENYADAVID looking at each other and pretending not to look at each other, my fucking heart Kanej being Kanej Kaz implying they're gonna try to trick the people into thinking that the fake sun summoner is real and Inej being done with his shit Alina's demonstration HER NAME IS ALINA STARKOV yes mfer The way people back away as he steps, god the power of this man Inej looking at Kaz omfg Okay him clapping the darkness into the room was cool af I love the shadow summoning effects so fucking much The first bit of light that Alina summons lighting up the gold parts of her black kefta, absolute perfection Alina just enjoying her power and then looking to Alek, his lips parting when she does Aw Fedyor looking at Ivan in a I told you she could do it way Genya and Fedyor exchanging glances as Alina besties THE CROWD SAYING SANKTA ALINA INEJ SAYING SANKTA ALINA WITH HALF A TEAR IN HER EYE DAMN THIS IS POWERFUL Jesper and Dima IMMEDIATELY TRANSITIONING TO JESPER SAYING 'SAINTS' AS A NAKED STABLE BOY GETS OFF OF HIM AGAHSJSJSJKS I CAN'T IM CACKLING AT THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW HOW ARE THEY SO PERFECT (his name's dima btw) Poor fucking Dima getting frightening orders from his superior as his hookup sneaks out with horses that are definitely not his Arken the little shit Ah Arken why'd you have to go and do this I was actually amused by you before the malyen factor omg Mal's here and someone saw him getting here apparat and faith? The apparat literally jumping out of the palace walls at Alina lol man I do love the religion angle of this universe and it would have been so fucking cool if it were explored a bit better ew apparat that grab was very violent mal/darkling interaction the darkling's reaction at his recognition of mal was so funny ah yes my arch nemesis, the other angle of this teen immortal love triangle how utterly delightful someone explain the darkling's 'are you alright' to mal, is it because Alina was worried sick, is it mind games, is it curiosity, what is it Im still don't know how to feel with them attaching a literal symbol to the sun summoner, to Alina's dreams and to the stag itself 'not until I see Alina' THE LOYAL HIMBO ENERGY IN THIS ONE ISTFG I have never known nose acting until I saw Ben Barnes, he uses his nose in his acting and it is absolutely wonderful; case in point, the 'i beg your pardon' to mal with the rage making his voice shake okay but why is every mal darkling interaction like, everything the prompt answer our baby mal gives and the satisfaction it brings to his face, fucking amazing the darkling being literally struck by this, his mouth literally agape, king this is a 20 year old lmao Baghra! OMG WE GOT A GLIMPSE OF BAGHRA'S FIRE YES Genya supremacy Genya beating Arken up let's fucking go Marie's plot influence and Racism? Yellowface? again? hmm bardugo (then again, I have no authority over this, I'm south asian) Ive already talked about how I'm interested in knowing if and how changing Marie's time and place of death going to influence the plot much because in the books it caused a chain reaction doing a lot of stuff Alina, my love Alina just, laughing with other Grisha, feeling at home, ah be still my treacherous heart Mal's confrontation scene with Alina that was in the books being retconned to Mal calling out to her body double, hmm, probably to make Mal more likeable, I don't have any feelings about this particularly Nadia and Fedyor Okay the both of them, smiling and walking, hand in hand, cute mlm wlw solidarity moment that I missed during the first watch Kanej interacting with Alina Why is Alina literally so adorable The music picking up as the Inferni catches sight of the 'limping man' (what? it was funny when he said it) Blue Irises Alina's face showing a certain sense of calm when Alek shows up Alina's face after the Darkling says 'for you' and presents her with blue irises is something like gasp okay you've got game sexy shadow man mal fite time omg I thought she was taking mal to talk to Baghra or smth not to kill him 🤡 aren't oprichnikis like

otkazat'sya or am I missing smth? Because Baghra's spy is obvs a fabrikator THE DESK SCENE omg the scene hath arriveth the fact that Alina can't stop smiling gods, the flirting 'I don't recall this, being part of the schedule' him turning back and saying 'it isn't' her hiding her face through the cover of smelling the flowers and just how coy she acts, like the literal eyelid batting Ma'am how embarrassing for you to have feelings rn these two are my absolute favs of all time the camera moving as they move from their spots on which they had to stand on to get the shot of their shadows almost kissing her nodding and smiling at him saying 'she'll probably be alright' like okay I'm ready for smooches kiss me already and him going 'don't you think' trying to savour this moment IM SORRY BUT THE FUCKING SCORE AT THE MOMENT THEIR LIPS MEET YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CANNOT COPE the way his hand is so big that he can almost hold her entire face in it the way she grips the back of his head I'm sorry I feel so disrespectful saying this but the sounds they make+I think that's a um titty grab or maybe it's just a holding someone and the placement was um unintended but I doubt it because everything in this fucking show is so intentional+ the lift up onto the desk+ the faces they make+ um god I'm going to hell for this but when they sort of grind into each other (I understand this is acting and they're just good at their job) but god does all of this make my heart race and also makes me happy I guess LITERAL GIGGLES I can't I'm soft 🥺🥺🥺 his little head shake at the knock on the door when he goes in for one last kiss before she gets off the desk and her eyes going all oy you, go get the door, I'm not going anywhere don't make whoever it is wait is so adorable and domestic her just standing there mouth agape to herself when he walks away HIM STILL FLUSHED AND BLUSHING AND HIS HAPPINESS CLEAR AS DAY ON HIS FACE WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR his gaze flits to her when Ivan says Alina was the target 'I'll be waiting' love, I physically can't anymore Little cheek hold and walk away Her little smile to herself nearly fading before he jumps back in again to her surprise and to ours to hold her face with both his hands and kiss her one last time, and yes, he does kiss like he's being drafted for the war in the morning Her little mouth open and close and then her little smile to herself after he leaves I refuse to watch the rest of the episode right now because no let me steep in the darklina bliss

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meowdymista · 4 years

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Van der Driscoll Pt 7

Part 6 - Masterlist

Part 8

This is a bit of a filler chapter, which is stupid for the ratio of original wording to in game script ratio. Next one will be more engaging, I promise. Also sorry for the long wait; I took time off from writing last week because it was my birthday, and then England swept into a second lockdown so it’s been poo trying to prepare especially in work because I process somms for small-medium businesses but whatever. No one is getting much for Christmas this year lol

****

You find, much to your relief and Arthur’s annoyance, that Sean’s chaotic charm and energy swallows everyone’s attention over the next few weeks. He’s loud, boastful and brash: The Irish Terrier as Arthur and his adopted fathers call him.

You can’t help but find his totally unapologetic nature comforting. Whilst washing shirts, you overhear him get Molly to admit she considers him no better than a chimney sweep from the local bog - and immediately crucify her for it, calling her “snotty nosed” and a “right little madam”, much to her dismay. After the weeks of dirty looks (despite little to no actual confrontation), Sean brings a breath of fresh air. With him nearby, you know exactly where you stand and whether anyone in the vicinity is plotting against you.

“Please, Y/N,” groans Arthur into his hands one evening. “Please tell me you ain’t makin’ friends with that bastard.”

“Why?” you ask, genuinely surprised. “Isn’t he like a little brother to you?”

“Yeah, but not in a good way.” He moves his hands to give you a look of despair. “What’s wrong with Lenny? Or Tilly? Or Mary Beth?”

“Karen’s fun,” you muse, earning yourself another groan.

“Always with the loud drunkards,” he grumbles.

“Mmhm, and what was it Dutch said? When you go missing he checks the saloon, and if you’re not there he checks the jail?”

“Shurrup.” He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you onto his body, grinning as you protest, laughing.

“Don’t play innocent - Hosea’s been telling me stories!”

“Ahh, don’t go listening to him. He spins stories for a living, and anyway I was a kid in most of them.”

“And the stories I’ve heard from Lenny?” you smirk, still fighting despite it proving futile with you laughing so much. He growls, peppering your exposed skin with kisses as you wrestle playfully.

You cry out when a flailing limb makes contact with one of your swollen breasts. Arthur immediately releases you, watching you with concern as you try to rub out the punch without swearing.

“Y’alright?”

“Fine,” you huff. “Just sensitive is all.”

“I’m sorry - shouldn’t be playing so rough with you when you’re… in the way tha’ you are.”

“It’s fine, Arthur,” you repeat firmly, staring him down. “I’m fine. You didn’t knock my stomach, so we’re fine. Like I said, I’m just sensitive.”

He hums doubtfully.

Following a shootout with the Pinkertons and the law in the middle of Valentine, Dutch had ordered the camp out of Horseshoe Overlook and ushered you south east into the state of Lemoyne. On the other side of Dewberry Creek, Arthur and Charles had scouted a hideout chistened Clemens Point. Arthur hadn’t been the keenest to tell you that story, but you had weaseled it out of him.

Micah had recommended the dried out river bed, but when Charles and Arthur had arrived to scout it, there was an abandoned camp nearby, complete with a dead body. Whilst trying to assess the location’s risk to a group of outlaws should they move in, Arthur had moved some crates to find a woman with her two children.

“I guess I saw you,” he mumbled sadly, avoiding eye contact. “An’ the mess I might leave you in one day.”

You rubbed his shoulder patiently. “What happened?”

“I told ‘em to go ‘cause we needed the land.”

You were confused by the guilt still plaguing him and told him so. With a heavy sigh, he described how the girl translated her mother - that their father had been kidnapped and how it took Charles insisting otherwise to convince him to go look.

“So it’s really thanks to him we found this place,” he says gesturing at the open space bordered with woodland and lake.

If anything, you prefer this new destination to Horseshoe Overlook, and not just for the absence of bad memories. You love the sense of freedom swimming gives you: how it makes you weightless, how easy it is to tilt your head back and listen to the low rumble of the earth and water. You also enjoy that the road is more than a stone’s throw away here. A wanderer would have to purposely go out of their way to discover the camp, to hear the noise or see the light of the campfires. Clemen’s Point made you feel safe, even with the occasional canoe sailing by with a wave.

The new location lifted everyone’s spirits. So much so, Dutch dragged Arthur and Hosea out fishing. They returned hours later - singing and surprisingly sober - with deputy badges and a boat load of fish. Whilst the shiny badge continues to earn Arthur a lot of gib from you and everyone else in camp, Dutch insists the news is beyond fantastic.

“We are inaugurated in the local law!” he cries during one of his many speeches. “Hiding in plain sight!”

Still tired and snacking throughout your waking hours, you are relieved to find your morning sickness has passed its peak. Whilst you feel like your veins are popping out of your skin, Arthur insists your stomach is beginning to curve. You accuse him of an overzealous imagination until you try (and fail) to button the jeans from your past life as an O’Driscoll and your shirts that still fasten offer little to no breathing room.

“Think a trip to town is in order.” You jut out your bottom lip, demonstrating the distance between the buttons and their corresponding holes as your lover looks on laughing.

“I think you might be right.” You don’t resist as his fingertips tilt your chin up to plant a kiss on your lips. “Let me go see if Pearson’s got a list and we’ll head out. Think they’ll do another couple hours?”

“Don’t really have a choice,” you grumble, stealing Arthur’s worn blue shirt from under the cot. You can hear Sadie and Pearson bickering even from the edge of camp, so it doesn’t surprise you when Arthur’s tone cuts through the noise.

“-ain’t cooking work?”

Looking over, you see Arthur has taken the expostulating Mrs Adler aside. You look away quickly - there’s no reason to ruin an acceptable day by agitating her enough to start shouting at you too. Her and Pearson have been at each other’s necks since she’s pulled herself out of the worst of her depression, almost as though he has become the target of her grief.

You focus your attention on preparing the cart. A trip to town means a trip for supplies, and with so many mouths to feed, horseback wasn’t a viable option.

"How are you, Miss?"

You turn around, surprised at being addressed directly by someone other than Arthur. Seeing Kieran’s familiar pastiness relaxes you a little. As an ex-O’Driscoll himself, you trusted him the most not to stab you after Arthur and the little boy, Jack.

"Fine," you reply flatly, brushing out the tangles of the shire’s mane.

"We ain't really had much time to talk since we was in Tall Trees a few months back, have we?" You hum in response, trying not to flash any amount of flesh by moving too much. The poor boy was skittish enough. He immediately begins to help you, being the horse fan he is.

"I never even suspected a thing, Miss,” he gushes. “So I bet you anything Ol' Colm won't have neither."

"So you two were close, huh?" You barely contain the sarcasm.

He shrugs off the question awkwardly. "Which feller was you again?"

"Well I must’ve been good if you have to ask." You feed the shire a carrot, avoiding eye contact. "I was Thomas," you admit quietly. The following silence is prolonged. Doubtful.

“Thomas Donoghue?” You shrug your shoulders. “So you were friends with Paeder then?”

“Peter?” You respond coolly. “Never knew him.”

He opens his mouth as if to argue, but Arthur is marching across camp, shouting back over his shoulder to Mrs Adler. Spooked, Kieran bolts to a safe distance, doing nothing but look on as Arthur helps you up onto the back of the cart.

Acknowledging you with a sneer, the other woman takes her place on the bench up front. “So I’ve graduated from choppin’ vegetables to shopping?”

“Shut your goddamn mouth…” grumbles Arthur, reins in hand as the cart moves off. You give Kieran a small, apologetic wave farewell, but it’s difficult to contain the relief of your companions’ timing. Paeder was a private matter, and one which you had no desire to discuss out loud. You’re sure the shaky man meant no harm, but some things were better buried.

“You cooled down then, yet?” Arthur asks the widow, distracting you from your thoughts.

“I guess,” she grumbles. “And I ain’t no scullion! And I sure as hell ain’t takin’ orders from that sweating halfwit!”

You can almost hear his eyes roll. “Well I guess we all gotta do our share, princess.”

“Where’s that letter?”

“Oh, you reading his mail now?”

Sadie throws him a dirty look. “Robbing and killing’s ok, but letter reading’s where we draw the line?”

You stifle a smirk as Arthur pulls it from the inside of his coat, knowing he’s been had. “Here.”

“Dear Aunt Cathy-”

“You are somethin’ else…”

“I haven’t heard from you in some time, so I prayed to the Lord above that your health has not deteriorated further… bla bla bla… s’boring… Oo! Wait a sec, listen to this! Since we last corresponded, I have travelled widely, making no small name for myself.” You all laugh out loud. “Before you ask, I am still yet to take a wife, but I can assure you it is not for lack of suitors.” Arthur barks out laughing again as Sadie giggles. “He ever actually talked to a woman he ain’t paid for?” she asks in disbelief.

“Look, we’re all hiding behind something.” Whilst his tone advises the limit of fun has been reached, the smile is still audible.

“And what’s this? Return to Tacitus Kilgore?”

“Oh that? That’s Dutch’s idea. All mail to be sent to the same alias. Whenever we set up somewhere new, Strauss, he heads into town, tells them to start expecting mail from a Tacitus Kilgore or whatever they changed it to… Here, gimme that back. We got work to do.”

You all sit quietly as the cart rolls into Rhodes. The locals watch you, wary of the unfamiliar faces, but you keep your head high. Strangers smell weakness. It’s better to come off aloof and avoid trouble than to present as vulnerable and be beaten down at every turn.

“Ok, here we are.”

“So what’s the plan?” Mrs Adler points a pistol at the side of the building, squeezing one eye shut as she gauges the iron sights. “I shoot the shopkeeper, while you-?”

“No! You insane?”

“Well I thought we was outlaws…?”

“Outlaws! Not idiots!" he hisses, pushing down the gun as he looks around for any witnesses. "We rob fools that rob other people! These people- they’re just tryna get by! So you head on in there, and you buy us some food to eat. And no guns.”

“Are you sure?”

“This time.” The two of you share a look again as he helps you down. “There’ll be plenty o’ time for killin’ soon enough.”

“What are you doin’?”

“I’m gonna go check the mail, nothin’ exciting.”

Sadie shrugs and saunters off. Arthur sighs and shakes his head, touching your arm. "You gonna be alright?"

"Here's hopin'."

"Any trouble, holler. Stay outta her way best you can though, alright?"

Knowing that his concern lies with your companion's open hatred for anything remotely O'Driscoll rather than your ability to defend yourself, you nod. Blowing him a cheeky kiss, he waves back at you with a grin as you enter the general store.

"-flour, oats, salt, eggs, apples if you have them..."

"Sure, not a problem,” responds the shopkeeper as he begins to gather the goods. “Big family, have you?"

"Somethin' like that." Mrs Adler barely spares you a glance as the titter of the doorbell announces your presence. "And you sell clothes?"

So Arthur had explained to her your purpose for the journey. You're flattered, if a little bewildered at this kind gesture. From the looks she’s been giving you, you’re surprised she has buried the hatchet of your past so quickly.

"We do. Not the widest range of ladies fashion, I'm afraid."

"That's alright. I'll look at everything you got."

"Of course, Mrs…?"

"Kilgore," she smirks, turning to bat her eyelids at you. You realise then that her request is completely unrelated to you. Why wouldn’t it be? You’re not the only person that has been swept into the Van der Linde gang with little more than what you were wearing on your back. From Arthur’s story, she escaped with nothing more than her wedding ring and her nightclothes, so it’s only natural that she is also in need of a new wardrobe. "What? You don't even trust me to handle the shopping by myself?"

"You're not the only one in need of new clothes, Mrs Ad- Kilgore." You force a polite smile at the sales clerk whilst Mrs Adler browses the shelves dully. "What are the biggest sizes you have in stock? Any maternity wear by chance?"

"Ain't many women round here makin' babies," he sighs, pulling out a few options. You can feel Sadie's eyes burning past you at the pile. "You're best tryin' Saint Denis or ordering outta the catalogue. There's a tailor in Blackwater I heard is pretty good for that sorta thing, but it's quite the journey-"

"Too far for me, I fear." You flick through the pages as Mrs Adler leaves to try a few things on from the pile in front of you. Writing a quick list with estimated sizing, you purchase the largest button up shirt and skirt for sale. The trousers will have to wait for another day - you know investing twenty dollars in a pair that you'll breach the waistline of in a matter of weeks is a luxury you can't especially afford right now.

Mrs Adler on the other hand spares little expense with a sturdy pair of jeans. Finally out of the cumbersome skirts, her whole character changes and suddenly you feel the same pit of dread you did when faced with a full camp of spitting Van der Lindes all those weeks ago.

Intimidated, you step outside whilst she settles the bill. You take a short wander up the main road, taking in the familiar buildings with apathy. Who would have thought you would end up here again? Now you’re not so apprehensive about your life span, you can see how rundown this dusty crumbling town is. The few shops that are open have seen better days, and the best kept building is the bank. You feel your skin crawl as you spot the large parlour houses on the horizon. Of course this place is struggling to survive - anywhere that profited from slave labour deserved to rot. Part of you hopes it’s slow perilous march to abandonment continues: it would be disappointingly merciful to see a place be lost to one good shoot out.

“I’ve birthed foals with more strength than you!” Mrs Adler’s cursing sinks your stomach as you navigate your way back to the store where a man is helping her load the cart. “Hell, my sister’s newborn had more strength than you and he came out bright blue!”

“I’m trying.”

“Try harder!”

Spotting Arthur, who is strolling back himself, fills you with relief. The shopkeeper walks back to the porch, checking the list before walking back. “I think this is everything,” he says, swinging the sack of salt on the cart.

“Thanks… here, take that for yourself, okay.” She flicks a silver coin and he catches it out of the air, scowling.

“Thanks,” he spits.

“Well, give it back then! Jesus! I didn’t ask for his goddamn help..." She pushes the sack on more securely to stop it rolling off when the cart moves. “OK, get on. I’m about done here.”

“Why don’t you drive?” suggests Arthur coolly after making sure you’re sat safely amongst the supplies. “C’mon lady, get a move on.”

She scowls as she takes the reins. “I like Sadie, not lady.”

“I know. So you get everything?”

“I think so.”

“And some… new clothes, I see?”

“Don’t start,” she sighs, the heat returning to her voice. “I can wear what I damn well want. Like I told you, my husband and I shared all the work. I wasn’t some little wife with a flower in her hair baking cherry pies all day.”

“Yeah, I don’t doubt that. You sure look the part now. Won’t be long before you’re smoking cigars and playin’ the harmonica.”

“I’ll have you know I used to love playing the harmonica before… well… my house and everything I owned got burned to the ground.”

“I know... I’m real sorry. About what you… you know. Maybe I’ll keep my eye out for another one.”

“I don’t want no pity,” she snaps. “Just… treat me equal and know… nobody’s taking nothing from me ever again.”

Arthur hums in comradery. “Just don’t kill the camp cook…”

A horse gallops up alongside you. “Hey there! What are you folks up to?”

“Just heading home,” says Arthur casually, adding a quiet “keep it cool, Sadie”.

“You’re in Lemoyne Raider country. You need to pay a toll to pass through here.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?” The hairs on the back of your neck prickle at the anticipation of conflict. You realise with a sinking stomach that you’re completely unarmed. “How about you pull over right now?”

“Pull over?” he repeats incredulously. Your eyes scan the bags and boxes around you. There has to be something here that can double as a weapon of some kind.

“That’s what I said.”

“Hey!” calls Sadie coolly. “How’s about this?”

A pistol cracks and the Lemoyne Raider cries out in pain. She ushers the horses on with a Go, go, go! as Arthur stands up, drawing his revolvers and firing. You duck down as bullets fly over your head, your hands scrambling for anything that could be of use.

“What the hell was that?” cries Arthur furiously.

“They was gonna rob us!”

“A new pair of pants and you think you’re Landon Ricketts!” He curses loudly as more men run out in the road ahead.

“I’m gonna run this son of a bitch down!” she shouts, pulling the wagon over one raider and off the road.

“Well you wanted to see some action, lady, now you got your wish!” Arthur slings his longarm from his back and shoves it in your direction as he continues to fire. You can see more men coming out from between the trees and you take aim, knocking them down one by one as Arthur clips off any extras over your head.

“You alright there, Sadie?” you shout over the gunfire. Arthur is still firing behind you, but she’s out of your line of sight from where you’re crouched behind sacks of grain.

“Of course! You think I can’t handle these fools?” You don’t retaliate and you can almost hear her voice aim at Arthur. “Told you I could shoot a gun, didn’t I?”

“I don’t remember asking you to prove it,” he grunts, tossing you extra ammo just in case. The last bastard is fleeing south down the dirt track. You take aim, but he’s out of range.

“Yeah you run, you goddamn coward!” screams Sadie before taking a steadying breath. “I think we’re good here. Nice shooting. I’ll drive us back-”

“No! Pass those reins here!”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve caused enough trouble already.”

She doesn’t find grounds to argue, instead looking back at you, her face straight and unreadable. “We showed those bastards, huh?”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” Arthur scowls.

“They was clearly plannin’ to bushwhack us!” she argues, facing forward again.

“You did good, but that’s a lotta mess to make near camp. Hope it don’t bring anyone sniffin’ around.”

“Are you gonna tell Dutch?” she asks mockingly.

“Maybe… if he asks. But, maybe not.”

“So who did they say they were? Lemoyne Raiders?”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that. Who knows… Anyway, don’t you go ribbing Pearson about that letter.”

“How dare you? I wouldn’t dream of it!”

“Riiight, you wouldn’t…”

“I have travelled widely, making no small name of myself…”

Arthur laughs. “I won’t be giving you no mail to post any time soon, that’s for sure.”

She chuckles too. “I just wanna peak in that journal of yours. The mind boggles.”

“Not a chance…”

“You didn’t get yourself killed then, Miss Adler?” calls Pearson, strolling over smugly as Arthur pulls up near the horse station.

“Not quite,” she responds truthfully.

“Well, I’d like to say I missed your refined conversations, but I’d be lying.”

She accepts the box shoved into her chest without complaint. “I… I enjoyed myself out there.”

“Yes, we err… Mrs Adler did ok!” He holds up his arms and lifts you down gently by your waist.

“At shopping?”

“Yes, at shoppin’...”

The double meaning doesn’t go unrecognised by Sadie who thanks him with genuine gratitude.

“Don’t mention it. I would ride with you again, Mrs Adler, if you will ride with me.”

“Maybe,” she laughs. “If you prove you can handle yourself.”

“Well, they say I lack finesse, but I ain’t afraid of gun smoke.”

“We got this, Arthur. You’ve already done me a big favour today.” Turning to you with a smile, Arthur accepts the repeater you proffer. It’s best to remain unarmed for now - there’s no need to risk one of your lesser fans finding an excuse to regard you as a threat. “Okay, Miss High and Mighty. And… nice pants by the way.”

“You okay there, Y/N?” He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you in close to his side. “You manage to find something too?”

“Just about,” you admit. “Had to put in an order. How long do you think we’ll be around here for?”

“Until we can’t most likely. Everything alright? They didn’t catch you or nothin’, did they?”

“Of course not, Arthur.” Your weak smile is genuine and heartfelt at his concern. “I’m not above shouting when I’m shot.”

“‘Course not.” He rubs your back, leading you back to your shared tent. “You gonna try them on, or what?”

“Nah, I figure I might as well make the most of still being able to fit in this stuff, even if it’s only for a few more days.”

He laughs, pulling you into a big hug. “Fair enough.”

From under his arm, you spot the rousing attention of Herr Strauss nearby. You nudge him in warning, but it’s too late.

“Ah, Herr Morgan! How are you enjoying yourself out here?”

“Well enough, I guess,” he replies gruffly. “And you?”

“Well, it turns out the pursuit of freedom is not a cheap business. Not for us, and not for some of the locals.”

“Sharking, already?”

“I prefer to call it banking.”

“You ain’t the one handing out the beatings,” snarls Arthur.

“No, but I am the one feeding the women and children in the camp,” he retorts. “What choice do we have, Mr Morgan?”

Arthur sighs. “Ah, I don’t know. Well, come on then! Tell me who…”

You stop listening as Strauss reads off a list of names, and only tune back in to hear Arthur ask how many he expects to be able to pay.

“With enough encouragement, both of them!” he chuckles, his black eyes twinkling from behind the round spectacles.

Sighing, Arthur returns to where you’re sat on the camp bed. “I’m sorry, darlin’. I’d best be gettin’ on.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You stand up to kiss him. “The gang comes first.”

He grimaces at that, but doesn’t dispute it. You give him another kiss for good luck and wave him out camp before dropping the flaps, not missing the glare of bitterness from Sadie across camp.

#red dead fic #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 fic #red dead fanfic #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x o'driscoll #meowdymista

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thorscock-y · 6 years

Text

First time: A Derek Hale imagine

Request: Can you do an imagine where Derek takes your first time but you guys aren’t together, he just wants to take it away? And also can you use my name?

Warning: Smut, Oral, female receiving, NSFW 18+, Dominant Derek

A/N: Derek is such a dad, omg I rewrote this in so many ways but finally decided on one of my least favorite ideas lol. Anyway this goes for Rose, hope you like!

“Are you sure it’s no trouble?” I asked for maybe, the tenth time since I’ve sat down in his car. Derek’s kind offer had me feeling exultant but at the same time this small part in the back of my mind,felt antsy. Scott and the pack had to take off, due to some confidential case that wasn’t up for discussion. Well not up for discussion for me of course. For everyone else it seemed like an option. For me, nothing is up for debate. Being Scott’s little sister had it’s redeeming qualities. Sort of.......

“Rose, it’s fine. Seriously, you can stop asking.” His tone was stone cold, making me want to shrink into the leather seat. I wasn’t surprised. Derek was usually very sullen, especially with me. That’s why I was so surprised that he said yes into taking care of me. Maybe that’s why I’m so nervous right now. Of course it is, dummy! He’s never taken an interest in you whatsoever so why now? I pushed away the thought and looked out the window trying to evaporate my subconscious.

Derek’s car was warm, the leather seats were the only thing that had the back of my thighs gelid. To warm myself up I tried to get some friction going by rubbing my thighs together. My results were inconclusive.

“Cold?” Derek’s voice seemed to soften from his last choice of words. That was unexpected. I’m so shocked by this new tone, that I don’t respond right away. When it’s quiet for more then thirty seconds, I speak.

“Uh,” My voice is shallow, so I clear my throat and speak up. “Uh, yeah. Just a little.”

He stops the car. I get this uneasy feeling but then look up to see we’re just at a red light. Take it easy, girl! He takes off his seat belt. I watch him with curious eyes. He looks over at me, before taking off his black leather jacket. My mind just wrapped around the concept that everything of his is black. His hair, his clothes, his car, his jacket, his personality, shall I go on? Oh come on admit it, you like that about him. No, I don’t. Stop it.

I go back to watching him. He hands his jacket to me.I take it, then hold it in my lap. Should I put it on? I mean it would look odd if I wrapped it around my freezing thighs. I suddenly despise my body for reacting to this freezing passenger seat. Nevertheless, I put the jacket on my arms.

“Er, thanks.” I mutter.

The smell of his cologne pervades my nostrils. I inhale his scent silently. It smells heavenly. Holy fuck. Mmm. No, no, I can’t want him like this. Why am I all of a sudden thinking of him in this way? He had this effect on me, and I had only been about five minutes alone with him. What the hell? Ugh.

I won’t lie there is always been this nasty thought in the back of my mind about Derek but tonight was not the night to act upon it.

Soon enough we arrive to his place. It’s dark outside, the moon is a crescent. While getting out of the car, I look up at it hoping Scott and the rest are okay. With all the danger going on in beacon hills, I all of a sudden realized why they had wanted Derek to watch over me. I hope my mother is safe as well. Even though the hospital is a danger to magnet, all I can do is wish for the best.

We walk inside his loft. It’s warm in here as well, and it’s filled with his smell. I’m going to have to get used to his masculine aroma if I’m going to stay here for tonight. But there is something I do know. This smell is something I’ll never be able to get rid of. It’s so..........balmy.

“Let me show you to where you’ll be sleeping.” He says, not looking at me. Was he as uncomfortable as I was? Or was that him just being his usual malignant self? His cold shoulder actions didn’t distract me from being mousy.

My legs were shaking as I followed him. We stopped at this door. He opened it and in he went. I went inside behind him to get a look of my chamber tonight. It was an average sized room with a small bed with white sheets. It was very neat. The room was barren though, proving no one has previously been in it. Or if they have they left it immensely tidy.

“Cozy,” I said, my voice timid. I walked over to the bed and set my bag down. “Is this a guest room?” Of course it’s a guest room. What a dumb question. I just didn’t know what to say.

He looked around the room and shrugged. “Uh yeah, I guess. Let me show you where the bathroom is.”

The bathroom where he showers. Hmm. I lick my dry lips and follow him. He shows me where the bathroom is. In there, is an assortment of men soaps, cologne, and whatnot. I tried to ignore how bad this had an effect on me. My lady parts were jumping up in exhilaration , while clapping. No, no, this is not what the purpose of me sleeping here is about.

What was he doing to me?

“Sorry, I don’t have anything other than my soaps to clean with. It wont be hell to smell like me will it?”

He didn’t allow me to answer as he walked around me. I bit my lip. I would love to smell like Derek Hale. Thinking about his intoxicating scent surrounding me had my mind wanting to go into an erotic daydream.

I looked at all the soaps that read "The Belveder Men’s Soap” I imagined Derek walking down the aisles at the store while buying suds. I giggled at the image for no apparent reason then walked out of the bathroom.

Derek was in the kitchen, at the island looking down at something. I felt awkward and out of place in his home.

“I’m just going to take a shower.” I said.

He glanced up at me with quick eyes then looked back down at whatever he was looking at. Okay then. It was evident he didn’t care. I walked into the guest room then got naked, trying to ignore the tinging down on my little friend. I set out my bed clothes I had brought which was only a big t-shirt. I always went to bed naked but I thought it would be more appropriate to at least put some clothes on because I wouldn't be in my own bed. I would be under the same roof with a man whom I barely knew. A man who barely said a word to me at pack meetings, or barely said a word to me anywhere.

When I get in the shower, it’s warm and soothing. I try not to get my hair wet, knowing I don’t have a dryer to dry my hair with. I grab the container of soap that was sitting on the ledge. It was halfway empty. I squirted some on my hand then rubbed it all over my body. I do a deep clean and I think I take too much than I needed. Oops. Yes, that was definitely an ‘accident’. I hope Derek won’t notice and get too mad.

I hop out of the shower. It’s steamy, and hot. I didn’t have a towel to dry myself with. On the rack was a towel but I knew it was his. It would be impolite of me to just use it without his permission. I didn’t want to ask though. I was to embarrassed and shy. I opened the door and peaked out to see no sign of him. I could dash across the hallway and make it without him seeing me.

I steel myself and go along with my plan. When I’m in the guest room, I smile in my triumph, but also feel a rush. My heart is beating. The thought of him almost seeing me naked had me feeling naughty.

I put on my panties along with my over sized t-shirt then crawl into the bed. It’s not as comfortable as my own bed but I could make due for now. The bed didn’t smell like him. I frowned at this. I smelled my arm so I could smell him. Wasn’t his jacket still in here? He forgot to take it back.

I sat up in the bed. In the dark, I couldn’t really see a thing so I stood up and turned on the light. It was lying on the edge of the bed. I picked it up then walke out of the room. I didn’t know where Derek’s room was. I walked down the short hallway to the last door to the left. It was the only other room besides the bathroom so this had to be it.

I knocked three knocks then backed up from the door. That anxious feeling came back, and all of a sudden I was kind of scared to see him again. Would he be annoyed that I was coming to his room? He was most likely tired, and I felt like he didn’t even want me here. Yes, he offered to watch me and protect me, yet I felt like a burden.

He yanked open the door with an exasperated look on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed. He looked upset but then again he looked so.........hot. Fuck. He was shirtless, with only some shorts. They were below his waistband.

“Um, I, your,” Crap, I’m stuttering. “Here’s your jacket, I forgot to give it back. Thanks by the way.” I hand it to him.

I’m fighting not to look down at his amazing pack. Mmm.

He takes the jacket away from me with an enigmatic look.

“Get some sleep Rose.” He says in such a demanding voice.

“I’m not tired.” I reply lowly but honestly. “I can’t sleep.”

“Try to sleep.”

I don’t want to sleep. But I follow his command.

“Okay, goodnight Derek.”

I walk away before he says anything.

2 hours later.

My eyes just didn’t want to do their job and close and not open for another eight hours. They actually wanted to do the complete opposite. I was worried about my mother and my brother. They were both out risking their lives for the protection of the town.

I felt useless and down. You never see me getting up and helping but that’s because I’m human and weak. Trust me, I wanted to turn. I wanted to be of some help. Scott wouldn’t allow it. At all costs, I was always protected. Like a damsel in distress. It was annoying, though I knew Scott cared for me. That’s why I loved him so much. And the rest of my friends. Gosh, I hope they make it through this trip.

I didn’t want to worry about this right now. I wanted to sleep this off then wake up in the morning to find out that they are alive and well.

I got out of bed then walked out of the bedroom. I wonder if Derek has any milk. Milk is my go to drink for when I can’t sleep. Milk and ice cream that is. Nothing couldn’t be fixed without some ice cream, and a romance movie with a happy ending. That’s how my lonely nights usually ended.

It was ill-mannered of me to just go rummaging through his refrigerator but he was probably sleeping by now. He seemed tired and in plus this was for a good cause. I couldn’t sleep.

Sadly, his refrigerator didn’t contain ice cream but it did have milk. I poured myself a glass of milk then leaned against the counter while taking sips. The milk tasted sweet and creamy. Oh it was strawberry milk. I guess I didn’t care enough to read the label. Oh well, milk is milk. It tasted divine to me, either way.

“Go on, help yourself.” I whipped around to see Derek standing there with his hands on his hips. The moonlight from the balcony is shining on him. He startled me and my heart is beating very fast, my hands are shaky. “It’s not like you should have to ask.”

I all of a sudden feel like the worst guest ever.

“Sorry, you’re right I should’ve asked. That’s horrible on my part.” Derek was only in some black Calvin Klein boxers. Holy fuck. My vagina has a heartbeat now.

“I thought I told you to sleep, hmm.” He slowly walks over to me.

My blood is hot, I’m nervous. What is he doing?

“I wasn’t tired, I should've went to bed. “ My voice is apologizing, though I don’t know why I feel the need to apologize.

He takes the cup out of my hand then sets it on the counter. His body is so close to mine. He’s taller than me though. The very top of my head reaches his chin so lips are at his chest. I gulp and look up at him in the dark. My heart is palpitating.

“Let me make you tired,” He puts his hands so he’s cradling my cheeks. A current of electricity runs through me and my body jolts. He’s touching me. Derek Hale is touching me. All my strict yelling at myself that this is not what was going to happen tonight is happening. Oh my gosh. “Hmm?”

I don’t know what to say, I’m at lost for words. He leans down and I feel the pressure of his lips against mine. I haven’t been kissed in so long that I am suddenly shy. I do not know how to kiss.

His lips are demanding, but slow. The muscles inside of me clench and I can feel myself getting excited everywhere.

He pulls away.

“Do you not want to kiss me?” I can tell he’s confused.

“I do it’s just that,” I’m so embarrassed to admit this but I don’t want him to think that I don’t want him. “I don’t know how to kiss.”

I look down, avoiding his eyes. My cheeks are flaming hot, I know they’re red. It’s a good thing it’s dark. He pulls me up by my chin so I’m forced to look at him.

“It’s okay baby, just move your lips with mine.” His words are comforting but I’m still nervous as ever. His lips are back on top of mine and somewhere inside of me I’m bold enough to kiss back. He’s delighted at this action and I’m turned on to know that it’s me that’s delighting him.

I want to touch him. I move my hands to his biceps to feel that they hard. He’s very muscular. I wonder what else is hard. I’m eager to find out. He pulls away from me, but this time my bottom lip his between his teeth. It’s so hot. Everything in this moment is hot.

His lips explore my neck. I’ve never been kissed on the neck. It feels amazing. A soft moan escapes my mouth. I put one hand into his hair while the other his on his shoulder.

I feel his hand under my shirt, and the shyness creeps up on me but it’s not enough for me to deny the great pleasure he’s bringing me. I don’t want to stop him. His fingers brush lightly against the area under my breasts then he leads a trail of fire all the way down to the base of my panties. I’m scared. My heart is beating rapidly.

No, don’t you dare stop it now, don’t you dare ruin this experience!

He kissed the corner of my mouth, then backed up to pull my shirt over my head. I let him. I was immediately conscious. No guy had ever seen my boobs. No guy has even got this far with me. Derek stayed backed up, he seemed to be examining me.His eyes, going over each hardened nipple, then down to my vagina. He probably thought I wasn’t pretty enough. Great.

“It’s such a privilege to even look at you.” he muttered. What did he just say? A privilege? To look at me? I was certain he was messing with me. But with how serious and sincere his words sounded, he couldn’t be joking. “Let alone even touch you.”

His hands found their to my waist and pulled me to him with such force. We kissed for a little bit before I felt his hands behind the back of my thighs. He lifted me up with no problem. I wrapped my hands around his neck, continuing to kiss him. If someone told me that I would be kissing Derek Hale someday I wouldn’t believe them.

He’s walking somewhere, I don’t care to look. His lips feel to good on mine for me to break away. We were in his room when he set me down on the bed. Should I lay down? I didn’t know what to do. My skin is burning and I’m flushed.

I’m at the edge of the bed, with my short legs dangling over the mattress. He kisses my jaw, my neck, and then above my breast. Each kiss has my body singing in enchant. I feel his tongue on my sensitive nipple. They harden even more. I’m so wet.

His other hand gives attention to my other nipple by rubbing it with his thumb. My libido grows by the second. I’ve never felt this before. I’m wiggling under him. This just feels too good.

“Keep still,” he murmurs gently. I can’t, but I try anyway. The churning inside my stomach was more than I can contain.

He’s sucking one one of my nipples while rubbing the other. I moan feeling the sweetest sensation that was going all the way down to my vagina. He moves to my other nipple, doing the process all over again. I feel like I’m going to convulse by just this action.

Derek’s kisses further until he’s above my pantie line. I’m shaking with each and every one he leaves. I stiffen. Down there is a place where no one but me has ever looked. What if he thought it wasn’t pretty? I would hear guys at school talk about how so and so’s vagina was distasteful but they would pretend they liked it just to be nice. In the end they never wanted to mess with her anymore. Would Derek do the same? Also what if it didn’t smell good. Oh no!

I bulk my legs together. Through the dark, I see him look up at me.

“You okay?” His voice is soft.

“Yes, I just, I’m nervous.” I reply sheepishly. This is the second time I’ve stopped him. I’m the worst.

“It’s okay baby,” he rubs my thighs trying to calm me down. He then comes back up to me, so I feel his face against mine and he’s kissing me. His forehead moves against mine. His kiss is rough and wanting. Oh my. He wants this. He wants me. I want him too. I was just too shy and self conscious. “Your skin is so soft.” He says through kisses. He’s still rubbing my thighs. “I want you.” He whispers.

I moan against his lips. I want you too.

“I’m just going to kiss here, k?” He kisses my navel. I jerk forward. “And here.” He goes lower. “And here.” He’s right there.

I can’t fight it anymore, my nerves are practically screaming at me to just let him. So I do. My legs open by just a fraction. He takes that as his chance. He licks over my baby blue lace underwear. I’m suddenly grateful for packing my best looking panties.

He pushes my legs apart, completely taking control. I liked it. He moved his nose around my clit which was soaking. I hear him inhale my scent. I’m so scared. I don’t know how I smell. Isn’t sex a nasty smell?

“You smell so fucking good princess,” he growled. I knew he wasn’t lying by the look of pleasure on his face. I calm down and relax, knowing that it’s okay to let him in. He moves his hands and hooks his fingers under the band of my panties then pulls them down over my legs so now I am completely naked.

He stands up and positions me so my head is on the pillows and the rest of my body is just exposed. He crawls in between my legs then ducks his head down to my vagina. I feel him lick and I lift my back up from the bed. His hand comes up and cups my breast. I let my back fall.

His tongue swirls round and round my clit keeping a pleasuring pain to occur. My stomach is full of butterflies, my breath is uneven. He kisses it before his whole mouth is just everywhere down there. He pushes my leg as far apart as he could, not wanting to miss anywhere. I feel a tight knot beginning to form in my stomach.

My gosh, this is all so exhilarating. In this moment, Derek is sending me into a world I’ve never entered. I want to stay here with him forever. My moans come more as my body let’s go on him. He kisses my sex a couple times more before moving back up to my face.

I’m panting. My first time receiving oral and it felt amazing. He leans down, kissing me in a sweet kiss. I can taste what he previously was just eating. Me. I do taste good. I can now understand why he did it for so long. It tasted of.............vanilla. I tasted like that? I was stunned.

He pulls away from me to sit up on his knees. I watch him. His penetrating eyes don’t look away from me as he takes off his boxers. Woah. It’s so big, and thick. I’ve never seen one before. I gulp and try to wrap my mind around that that is going to be inside of me.

I look back into his eyes. He leaned back down, his body level with mine.That anxious feeling became inside of me again. At the same I was ready. His arms supported off of me while he adjusted himself down there. He rubbed his cock against my soaking folds. It was the most pleasurable torture ever.

Very slowly he enters me. It hurts. I gasp and sit up. Derek brings his lips to mine to calm me down, and he hushes my silent screams. His thrusts are slow, he’s being gentle. I become accustomed to the alien feeling and move my hips along with his. He picks up speed, my head in between his hands, our lips rubbing against each others.

I feel amazing, this feels perfects, I love it. I don’t want him to stop. I’m moaning as he rips through my virginity. He pounds in and out, in and out. Sweat becomes on the both of us and it gets steamy. The moment is intense, heated, impassioned. It feels to good to be real.

“Oh you feel so perfect around me.” He says huskily, then has my bottom lip between his teeth again. I loved it.

My body begins to stiffen, my legs are shaking. There is this build up in my stomach that is the most painful pleasure I have ever felt.

“Cum for me, beautiful.” He says breathlessly. I let go on his words, my climax ripping through me as I explode around him then fall into pieces underneath him.

Even though it is over I am still panting, my heart is beating out of my chest and my desire for him didn’t seem to lessen not one bit. I want more. I want to do it again. I’m sure it’s just my raging hormones talking but I’m not sure. I am sure that I want to do it again, just not right away. I wanted it with Derek.

He came a minute after me, grunting at his peak. His forehead leans against mine, our breaths ragged. He’s still inside of me. Before he pulls out of me he kisses my lips. He lays down next to me then pulls me so I am cuddled up into a chest. He feels like a blanket over me.

I want to say something to him about the event that just took place but my eye lids hush my wants and slowly close, the last thing felt is complete contentment.

Author- Hey guys I’m planning on making a part 2. I just wasn’t sure if I should add it in here or if that wold be too much to read. Welp, hope you enjoyed my joke of a smut.

#derek hale smut #derek x reader #derek hale #Scott McCall #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinksi imagine #scott mccal imagine #lydia martin #malia tate #kira yukiruma #theo raeken imagines #theo raeken #liam dunbar #kate argent #allison argent #teen wolf imagine

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iamwickedlovely · 6 years

Text

Cody Fern x Reader [Sweet Love, Sweet Escape]

- Part One-

Request and plot from: @del-rcys

Genre: Drama | Romance

Synopsis: Y/n is an upcoming singer and decides to take things slow as her career starta to kick off. One night, after performing at a local bar, she meets a guy there who goes by the name of Cody. Y/n talks to him about her alcoholic doesn't support her, but she wants him to get better. Her mother is the only one that seems to be supportive of her daughter's career at the moment. Soon, y/n and Cody hit it off, and an epic journey begins through passionate love, romance, family, and of course... music.

Warning: May contain foul language or sexual content.

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I am sorry if I went deep in the beginning, or something. I'm now writing out part 2. I hope you guys will like it! I'm up for advice and requests! :D Thank you, guys! Wait, so I suck at poetry, but I threw in something, though, lol. 😅

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You were at the age of ten when you picked up your first guitar at a music store. You held onto it as if it were magic, and you ran your fingers on the strings just to hear the sound. It filled you with wonder, and you started to dream. Your heart ached for this instrument; it filled you with desire and happiness. You even giggled when you continued to stroke on the instrument.

Your mother noticed your fascination with the guitar, and it warmed her heart, and she gave a soft smile that never reached her eyes. Her eyes was full of sorrow. Your family was broken up and poor, but despite all that, you grew up to be a sweet, young thing. You showed compassion and kindness to anyone who was hurt, especially animals. You even shed tears when your hamster died, or finding a dead bird on the lawn. One thing your mother never saw, was watching you smile. All she ever wanted was for you to live life to the fullest, and to be filled with love and laughter. Your mother made it her life's mission to put money on the side, from her job as a waitress, to buy you the guitar you've played in secret.

Two years have passed since then, and you were twelve with two sisters. You were the oldest, and your father expected more out of you to set a good example. In short, he was the hardest on you.

Christmas day came around the corner and the family couldn't afford much. Your mother continued as a waitress, and your father lost his job as an engineer technician. The company he worked for ran into financial issues, and they had to lay off the majority of workers, including your father. This led him to binge drinking on alcohol at the local bar, in turn, he became an alcoholic. It was not pretty, because he was an angry drunk. He would come home to argue with mother, occassionally striking her with bare hands. You and the sisters would hide in your rooms. It went to the point you guys would even lock yourselves inthe closet, and cover the ears while holding onto a favorite stuffed animal.

One evening, your mother knocked on your door, to reassure you that your father left. You pulled your blanket, it covered you, down to peak to look at her face. Evenugh you were twelve, you understood how your mom recieved the bruise, but you decided it was best not to question it.

Your mom cleared her throat, and gave you a big luggage for you to open, "Oh, my sweet baby, I wish you had a better life than this," She started to tear up, and stroked your hair to calm you down, "I love you, and I want you to chase your dreams. I brought a surprise, I remember seeing you play with a guitar, so I just," She handed the case to you willingly, "Please open it."

You blinked, and felt a tad excitement stirring as you took off the blanket, and hovered your tiny fingers on the case. You asked quietly, "How do I open it, mommy?"

Your mom gave a slight, saddened grin, amd opened four lockets on the side to reveal the guitar you played at the music store.

You stared, trying desperately to comprehend. You gazed at your mother's eyes to ask, "Is this mine?"

She nodded, choking up, "Yes, baby, yes!" She planted a kiss on your forehead, "It's best if you don't speak to your father, or sisters. Let it be our little secret," she winked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Years Later]

You sat in a spotlight at a local bar, with a guitar on your lap, and a microphone in front of you. You were on a bar stool, and you were ready to play, but you also felt nervous. You were too hard on yourself, so you were anxious, wondering if you were any good. You cleared your throat, and your voice began to escape in a mellow, soft tune. It was slow, and you touched the strings of the guitar with grace. Tears struck your eyes, because you bottled you're feelings for too long,

"I can't express my feelings well,

no matter how much I try.

You've told me not to dwell,

No matter how much you've made me cry."

The song was about your alcoholic father, of how much pain he caused you throughout the years, but you still loved him dearly. The audience stared in silence. Most of them had to take out tissues from crying.

Once you were done, the room remained quiet, since the people on the seats were trying to process the song. A few minutes after, they clapped and cheered for you. Then, you ended up getting off stage to take your leave. You honestly didn't feel like staying longer, because the song took a lot of energy out of you.

However, a guy, with blonde hair, kind of wavy and short, stopped you from leaving. He stood over you, and he talked in an attractive accent, "Beautiful song, a bit emotional. I loved it, mind if I buy you a drink?" He furrowed his brows, and smiled lightly, "You look like you're in need of it."

He's right, you thought, what did you have to lose? He seemed polite, and you fancied his voice, so you nodded, "Okay. Thank you, what's your name?"

He chuckled, "Right," he offered you his hand to shake, "I'm Cody Fern. Pleasure to meet you."

You tilt your head, where did I hear that name before? Your eyes widened, "Oh my god. Oh my god," you tried hard to contain yourself, "Shit, fuck. Ah, sorry," You pinched your nose bridge in embarassment, "You're the new cast on American Horror Story! I love your character. Haha, goodness." Breathe, [y/n], just breathe.

His grin widened, he was feeling amused by the reaction,"Ah, so you've heard of me. I feel flattered," He offered his arm so he could lead you to a couple of stools, "Can I escort you, mi'lady?"

You couldn't remember the last time you enjoyed yourself, especially being around good company, "Absolutely, sir!" You held onto his arm, and the two of you walked together.

Once you two sat on a couple of stools at the bar's counter, he glanced at you in question, "So, sorry, but I never did get your name." The bar tender gave you guys a couple of cold beers that seemed to be overfilled. Cody mouthed a 'thank you' to him.

I pressed the rim of the glass to my lips, and sipped, blech, why didn't I go for wine? Your nose wrinkled in distaste. You blinked up at Cody, "Oh, right, I'm sorry. I'm [y/n]."

"That's a beautiful name. Has a ring to it, if I say so myself." He winked, and took a swig of his beer.

You couldn't help, but notice he still carried an accent, so you had to ask, "Uh, can I ask where you're from?" He is a damn good actor, you thought admiringly.

He laughed, "Australia. Down under," he paused to drink more of his beer, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but this tastes a little funny." His lip made a pout. He definitely disapproved the drink.

You grinned, he is too cute. You agreed, "I actually thought the same thing, must be the beer. Hey! I can propose a better idea," your eyes flashed wickedly at him.

You managed to pique his interest, "Anything in mind?" He wondered.

"Hmm," you tapped your chin with an index finger, "Pizza and wine, then walk around on sidewalk under the moonlight? Maybe tell stories?" You hoped he would jump at the opportunity, because you found yourself enjoying being around him.

He quirked his eyebrows, "So, a date, then, and we didn't even exchange phone numbers yet. Count me in!"

You both exchanged smiles as you two left the bar, leaving a good enough tip on the table.

#cody fern fanfiction #cody fern #ahs cast #fanfic #fanfiction #cody fern x reader

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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like i said i’ve never dated anyone, never slept w anyone, never even really kissed anyone that i count as a proper kiss; i don’t regret this as i’ve never really wanted to date anyone and i doubt i ever will—not in the proper “romantic” context anyways. in fact nowadays the idea of being totally independent in that regards is appealing whereas the abstract concept of being with someone makes me feel Neutral - Put Off

as per kissing, i just havent happened to do that tho im not put off by the concept, exactly. its the same w having sex—i’m not against it, but i do have a lot of boundaries and i wouldnt be surprised if nobody came along at the right time that i’d be comfortable being fwb. but there’s a chance i could ever have an orgasm w someone else’s help, as i’ve never even gotten close on my own, but frankly if this never happens at all i dont really care. im just mad that i don’t have access to this basic ass thing. being able to masturbate and get an orgasm. thanks for another arbitrary shit deal that ought to be one fuckin luxury in this life

also im fine w kissing to express affection. but again; boundaries. again; not betting anyone will come along who i’ll be comfortable kissing, awesome if they do. again; dont really care much abt missing out

oh im also always annoyed abt virgin jokes. i also would not call myself or anyone else a virgin because thats a fake and shitty concept but you know. there’s really no way not to be mocked here and i’m not about to take on the burden to spend 49 min dismantling why it shouldn’t really be particularly funny or be obligated to lay out every reason i’ve never had sex to prove that i get to be exempt from being laughed at

also it doesnt help i’ve never dated anyone b/c thats like oh definitely a loser. and im fine w it myself but im not fine w other ppls shit obviously. and yeah i’ve turned people down but i shouldnt have to say so. yeah i guess its hilarious or whatever that im single. im used to all kinds of contempt based on other bare bones factoids abt you and im not about to hide anything abt myself so that i can, idk, retain the respect of total asshats

oh and then there’s the fact that i dont really drink. ive been drunk once for like five min but that was coz i was dehydrated and didnt stop to think that my first drink shouldnt be coincidentally a cocktail that i didnt even like b/c i can’t get thru a full glass of anything containing rum w/o it being just punishment and gagging at the end. nobody likes alcohol for the taste and i dont like getting drunk coz ive never had friends for social drinking and all alcohol does for me is the Depressant shit of making me even more tired. but i dont have to abstain b/c of religious or Moral High Ground reasons and yeah i’ll have a drink to be polite or b/c i came to this bar to use their tvs or whatever but most of the time i dont bother but if you say you don’t drink assholes wanna ask why for shitty reasons and for the sake of ppl who truly would not be comfortable answering that question i hate being asked it and also ive never been non-sober in other ways and don’t particularly want to but i very much despise the whole straightedge thing and gotta explain im Not That lol like. its never enough to just say you dont want to. i mean, of course it is, it should be, but people act like its not

anyways back to the never dating ppl and don’t particularly intend to ever do so—sucks becauseeeee

1) having that kind of partner is being given priority from someone in a way you probably won’t be given otherwise (*i* won’t be given otherwise, i don’t have family or longtime close friends, and i wouldnt expect or want anyone i know to have to support me this much)

2) related to that first point—all the kinds of support ppl get in a relationship, financial and emotional and all that shit. like even that simple issue of how married ppl often get a bunch of essentials as wedding gifts that a single person has to buy themselves and theyre not getting to split the rent either lol

3) related to the first and second point—you’re the extra wheel around all the Most People You Know who arent interested in being single forever. like man i third wheel even as a friend amongst friends. and im just not interested anymore. used to be more depressed abt how Never Dating Anybody means youre guaranteed to be non top tier priority to anyone but im less bothered by the idea of not getting that kind of support. i have myself to be my Number One and its never enough to make sure things are okay for you but i dont care about how little other people might care about me b/c i’m not interested if they’re not

like its not me who has a problem w me not wanting anything Romantic but its so fuckin like hammered in as the ultimate peak of humanity that there’s plenty of external bullshit with this. smh

#what *i* want is a fuckin friend group of ppl i feel completely comfortable w but #honestly i’m also getting more used to the reality that this is very unprobable #i know it could happen but #i’ve been going all this time largely w/o it so. i’ve learned how to be independent #also: maybe its obvious (or not??) but i LOVE ppl loving each other even in a Dating way and i think its a great thing that we do #but i dont want it personally. but the way i think abt things Personally isnt always the same as the way i think abt it in General #and thats the damn theme here #to say ‘’i’ve never done this’’ or ‘’i never want to do this’’ you gotta defend it and explain why this isn’t like some deal where like #you think everyone else should feel the same way or otherwise believe you are Rising Above everyone else this way like #jfc no im not a damn vegan i have my own reasons that i shouldnt have to explain #i shouldnt have the onus of defending my right to some basic freakin respect #ugh

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lifeofgroffsauce · 6 years

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Subject: Life Update (AKA Jon Spills His Soul)

June 25th, 2018. *Email contains TWs*

Today was the Mondayest of all Mondays. I got sunburned yesterday at Pride (super fun by the way, always recommend. Pride, not the scorched skin.) Really wasn't planning on going anywhere today. Our flight got in at 2 this morning, which was pretty rough. Probably should’ve planned that spontaneous trip to Cali better, but then it wouldn’t have been spontaneous now would it. Uh, I slept in until 8, if you could, on any level, call that sleeping in. Something I overheard yesterday kind of stuck with me in a negative way. I ran into (okay, more like eavesdropped onto) a group of gay men conversing about bisexual men. They were super insistent that there’s no satisfying a bisexual man because they always crave women. I know you know where this is going so yeah, bare with me. It’s so stupid; it even sounds just idiotic, because how can you shame an entire sexuality for the wrongs of a few people. I know it’s not logical. I know, I know, I know. It triggered this... I’m not even sure what to call it. Insecurity maybe? Naturally, the smallest of shit just exacerbated it. I got into a disagreement with my boyfriend over lube. Aloe as lube (which has a consistency akin to vaginal fluids (I’m sorry, even more sorry for brackets in brackets) so that just, BAD ). Specifically, him using it when he topped (dominated, if you’re not familiar) me. He didn’t want to and it fucking spiraled into this even bigger thing where my brain did that awesome cute thing of not shutting the fuck up. I didn’t even want him to touch me. How is that possible? How does it make sense? It’s so frustrating because I know it doesn’t. He started getting moody (I think) and for some reason that made me want to fuck him but- let’s put it this way: I’m finally seeing those side effects of Lexapro. As if I don’t already feel comfortable with my body, the one aspect I’ve never complained about doesn’t work. To top all of it off, I received an email from my agent that says filming for one of my projects has been moved up to August. The producers were talking about pushing this out until November, now it’s August? That’s less than six weeks away. I’m so fucking worried. I’m unfathomably worried that this is too soon to leave my boyfriend. I already know I’m going to miss so much: he’s having another baby in a few months (I can already imagine the new-baby-bonding with his not-even-ex wife he’s going to do), his third to accompany his two other small sons, one of which is still basically a newborn too. I’m going to miss out on these big stepping stones (there’s a better phrase out there, I’m adamant about it but don’t care enough to seek it; jk we both know I’ll get to the end of this and be anxious and not send this email if I don’t find it). WAIT, milestones! That’s the word. Including my commentary because I know how much you enjoy my psyche’s crisis. Um, yeah. I’m going to miss everything; I’ll be continents away in an entirely different time zone, filming a depressing fucking tv show, all alone; with the exception of my ex-boyfriend (who has been weirdly appropriate with me. Are you tired of all my notes in brackets yet?) Everything in my head is screaming it’s a bad idea: leaving. I can’t stay though; like, I can’t back out of this project. Papers have already been signed, the cast is locked in, and I’ve already removed myself from two other projects. It won’t look good on my theatre sheet/‘filmography’ to have that little *incomplete* red mark. To add (lol didn’t I already say thing or something? Fuck it, let’s keep rolling): Jesus Christ, my niece Camden has been so salty lately. She’s feeling so left out since I moved, but it’s not like I’m ten minutes away anymore and I can just easily pick her up. That little girl is my heart and soul; I’d never intentionally hurt her yet, here she is. Declining to spend the night or even hang out because she doesn’t get “all of me”. You have a daughter; what would you do with that one? Right, can’t make it personal. Sorry. Which, I think it super ironic when you think about how your patients (clients?) spill their motherfucking guts out on the ugly commercial carpet of your office (sorry if you chose it, so sorry!) and you’re not supposed to share much in return. My pop texted me to see if I was still coming to my parents’ wedding anniversary party, with my boyfriend. This will be the first time he’s meeting my dad, and the first time any significant other of mine will be meeting the rest of my PA family/friends. I don’t worry about Lin at all- he’s fucking amazing with people, and so, so charming. Jesus, does he have a way with words. Before this turns into a weird, unfulfilling love letter to him, let’s refocus. I don’t want to think about the way my father is going to look at me, at us, as a couple, together. Me, with another man. I’m still reeling over the last glance that seemed to scream, “ew, my son’s gay.” You know how people say things like, “Your parents love you unconditionally; they would never change a thing about you”? That’s definitely not true in my case, and I can feel it every time we’re alone. When we’re joking or talking, it’s cool, but then... then, there’s a silence that sets my teeth on edge and he acknowledges we’re not the same. Not that we were ever supposed to be but, I don’t even think I’m explaining this right, now. When I was a teenager (I know I’ve told you about this), a story came out on the local news about two homosexual men being wrongly jailed for a crime they didn’t commit. While awaiting trial, they were raped and beaten by a gaggle of bigger prison guys. Apparently it was so brutal they required stitching, to which the inmates tore out and repeated the first occurrence. Awesome, right. It’s forever burned in my mind what he said, because I know he wasn’t meaning to be cruel or callous but the words just came out. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but if anyone would like it, God knows it would be those sissies. That’s what they all want anyway.” Followed by, “Sodomy is sodomy; they shouldn’t complain.” Every time I’m at my parents house, my brother Dave is amazing at swooping in to provide this phenomenal (majorly liberal) support system. He really pushes to educate my parents and not leave an older generation in the dark. I have to admit, he’s worked wonders with them, on so many different topics. That one though. I just think he looks at me and wishes so badly I was hetero. He’d sell his soul just to watch me marry Lea, I’m sure. Wow, my “just” count is insane but, no editing. Rolling with it; thoughts as they come. TLDR; I just feel like I’m disappointing everyone, or if I haven’t already, I’m going to. I fucking shouldn’t, I know that I’m thirty-three and still waiting for my parents approval is so goddamn old. It doesn’t mean anything though. Regardless, I’m waiting for the ball to drop, and I’m not sure the meds are helping. I haven’t been hyperventilating or had an actual attack but I still feel the anxiety. It feels like a harsh hand around my throat that makes it hard to breathe but I always somehow manage to catch my breath; that must be the drugs. I’m shocked I haven’t once mentioned how huge and disproportionate my thighs looked in every pair of baggy sweatpants and basketball shorts I tried on today. There’s one. It’s so exhausting to even try to talk about, or convey through here. You know the drill: thought about it for hours, picked at my food, maaaay have googled ‘things to eat for slim thighs’. Definitely did. At this point in life... I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Between typing out sentences of this email, I stopped to try to get hard (you’re getting the explicit, uncut version, sorry; also hi, wishful thinking) but all porn does is annoy me. I feel so wound up, anxious, and almost angry. Low-key (this is new generation talk for like, “kinda”, I think) want to just... cry. In conclusion: Jonathan feels all the things and I haven’t even told you half of it... believe it or not. I have a headache and this couch is hurting my neck. This is all you’re getting. Relief, right? You’re like, “Thank fucking god, Jon, you already sent me a Harry Potter novel. Let me respond then you may continue rattling on about your not-even-bad life you’re complaining about.” It really ISN’T bad, for the record. It’s not, at all. I’m just in my feelings and at the peak of frustration. Okay, done ranting. I think I feel better? I might not even send this. Let’s play russian roulette with the enter key. If you get this, thumbs up. If you don’t... I guess I won’t expect a reply. Thank you, always, for dealing with me. I’m sorry these thoughts couldn’t wait... three days. Face palm.

[Sent]

#project: emails to jon's therapist #001 #Jon's lack of formatting directly corresponds with his anxiety so that's fun #tws apply

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the-inkwell-variable · 4 years

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My first official fluff piece! Still kinda angsty, but it's cute - to a point lol

I'm so sorry. I cannot figure out how to add a read-more on this new formatting.

--------

Coming up with excuses to hang around the engine room was getting harder every day. Delivering messages for people was always an easy bet - the priest couldn't be bothered to crack his old knees on those stairs anyway - but the stupid crew on this stupid ship didn't send messages to the resident tinker very often.

She could always break stuff. Parvati was always down to fix it, and whenever someone brought her some broken trinket, she got the cutest expression on her face - a weird mix between excitement and exasperation. All of her shyness just completely vanished as she scolded them for being so careless with their things, revealing the true bullheaded nature behind her stammering, eager-to-please front.

But how long could she keep "accidentally" breaking her stuff before Parvati confiscated it, just like she did Felix's mechanical tossball action figure? Not much longer, that was for damn sure.

And she couldn't just... show up and linger. What excuse would she use for that? "It's too loud out there"? The engine room was way louder than the rest of the ship combined - even when Ellie and Vicar were screaming about philosophical bullshit in the cafeteria and Felix had his tossball match turned up to drown them out. Besides, she had soundproofed her bunk specifically to give herself a quiet space.

"I'm interested in mechanical engineering?" Ha! What a laugh. Every single person on the Unreliable knew that Nyoka didn't give two shits or a fuck less about fixing her own belongings, as long as she had the bits to pay someone else to do it.

The only option left was honesty, and let's face it: that wasn't her strong suit. She had a reputation as a badass (if constantly drunk) bounty hunter to maintain. Confessing that she enjoyed hanging out with the dorky engineer made her sound like a lovesick puppy - which she wasn't, for the fucking record. She didn't like Parvati like that. She just like getting the girl the ramble about her favorite topics, watching her face crinkle in concentration as she struggled with a complicated mechanical part, the way her face turned out a particularly off-color joke. There was no love there, and she'd sock anyone in the mouth that would even dare to suggest such a thing.

And yet, Nyoka still found herself lingering outside the cafeteria, sneaking furtive peaks at Parvati. Look at her. Nibbling that snack cake like she's a baby sprat. God, she's so freaking adorable... She turned away, her lip curling in a sneer of self-disgust as she took another drag from her flask. Even the rough burn of old whiskey couldn't drown the way her heart pounded against her chest.

God, what had this quiet mechanic from Edgewater done to her?

She didn't even realize that her feet had carried her into the room until she looked down and saw Parvati staring up at her. Her lips were smiling that tight-lipped smile that all polite folks gave when unexpectedly bumping into someone they barely know, but her eyes were confused, maybe even a little frightened. She hated that look. She wanted to grab the girl's shoulders and shake some common sense into her, to scream "Why are you afraid of me?! I'll kill everyone on the ship and myself if it would protect you!"

But she wasn't that dense. That would just scare the poor girl more, and the very thought of Parvati fearing her turned her stomach. Instead, Nyoka twisting her own lips into a smile and forced out, "Hey there, tinker. Didn't mean to scare you."

Parvati quickly shook her head in an obvious act of self-preservation. "Oh, not at all, Miss Nyoka! I was, um, just eating a quick snack. Got to stay fueled for the road!" She giggled awkwardly, and Nyoka wanted to wrap her arms around her and squish her tight - though whether it was to comfort her or to squeeze out the anxiety, even she couldn't say.

"With empty calories like that? You're going to burn through it and crash in an hour." She strolled to the refrigerator, forcing herself to tame her trademark stomp to a casual strut. "What's the thing Junlei says all the time? 'Treat your body like a machine - quality fuel and plenty of rest, or you'll end up rusting like an overworked engine.' I don't know anything about machines, but it sounds right. Here." She tossed a small container of food to the confused girl. "Cystipig stew. Homemade. It's something my - one of my old teammates used to make. The methane added a kick, but Boss says I'm not allowed to flood the kitchen with explosive gas." She scoffed as she dropped into the chair across the table. "Coward."

Parvati let out a soft laugh escape as she tentatively scooped out a spoonful of stew, and Nyoka's heart fluttered in her chest in a way that was surely heartburn and nothing else. "I can't imagine methane making anything taste better... Except maybe mantisaur. Is it true that people eat mantisaur on Monarch?"

"Only if they're really desperate. As in, 'I've already eaten the floorboards and my roommate' desperate."

Parvati's spoon hovered before her mouth as she shot Nyoka a part-horrified, part-rebuking glance. "You shouldn't joke about such horrible things. People suffer through terrible hardships - it's cruel to make fun of them."

The urge to retort was powerful. She wanted to snap back that, as someone who spent years as one of those people, she could say whatever she damn well pleased about the subject - that according to Holy Man DeSoto, making jokes about the subject was 'an ingrained coping mechanism that helped her deal with her trauma' or whatever. But - and she could not for the life of her understand why - she kept her mouth shut.

Parvati stiffened to brace herself for the inevitable backlash, but when none came, she relaxed just enough to taste the offered stew. Her eyebrows shot into her messy brow. "This is really good! You said that your former teammate made this?"

"She - created the recipe, yeah." Nyoka couldn't meet her gaze, not what the lump growing in her throat. "That's not important though. You really like it? Even without the methane?"

"It's delicious. It tastes like - oh, what was it dad used to say?" She scrunched her face as she wracked her brain, and the lump in Nyoka's throat dissolved like sugar. "Tastes like Grandma used to make. It's homey and warm, like curling up in a freshly made bed after a hard day of work." She took another bite and closed her eyes, chewing slowly as if to relish every bite. "Mm... I can see why you treasured that teammate. If her personality was anything like her food, she was a really amazing person. "

Nyoka shook her head as she gazed at Parvati, her lips twitching into a rare genuine smile. "God... You're so nice. I... I want to kiss you."

Parvati's eyes drifted open to focus on Nyoka's face. "What did you say?"

Nyoka stared back, frozen in place as her stomach clenched tightly. Oh God - what to do? She couldn't admit what she just said! But what to say?

Parvati sat up straight now, her head tilting ever-so-slightly. Her bottom lip jutted out to give her an adorably confused pout. "Nyoka?"

And now she was taking too long to respond - fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck - In a panic, Nyoka blurted out, "If you died, I wouldn't miss you!"

They both froze, staring at each other - Nyoka in horror, Parvati in confusion. As the gravity of her panic response settled upon them, Nyoka clenched her fists under the table. Her face burned with shame while Parvati's face paled beneath her dusky complexion. Tears began to collect in her amber eyes, and she turned her head down and away. "I - I see. I'm sorry for whatever I said that made you feel that way, Miss Nyoka." She pushed the chair back and stood up, her hands trembling at her side. "I'll just go."

"Parvati, no -" Nyoka reached out instinctively then snatched her hand back. "I didn't - that's not what I - God damn it!" Slamming her fists against the table, she threw her chair to the floor in her haste to get up and storm from the cafeteria. You're not running away, she assured herself as she locked the door to her sleeping pod, longing now more than ever for the ability to slam the door with a satisfying bang. You're taking a step back to collect yourself and figure out what you're going to say to fix this. She punched the door and spun to slide the ground, leaning against it and feeling, for the first time in her life, like a serial character. "Fucking hell, Nyoka..." she muttered as she pinched her brow between her fingers. "You're really in the shit this time. You and your fucking mouth... "

It took an hour and several gulps from her flask to calm her nerves and figure out exactly what she was going to say, but finally Nyoka was ready to tackle the hardest battle she'd ever had to face. Taking a deep breath (and another swig for courage), she opened her door and walked to the kitchen. It took every ounce of self-control she had to keep her body still. Treat this like capturing a raptidon, she encouraged with every step. Don't show fear. Never show fear. You're the baddest bitch on Monarch. They make fucking serials about your adventures. You can handle apologizing to a dorky girl from a hick town.

Despite her totally awesome pep talk, she still had to pause outside the cafeteria and rest her forehead on the cool door frame. You can do this. Deep breath. You know exactly what you're going to say. Just go in, stay on script, and get out. No ad-libbing. You want this to be another Angeline Graves situation? 'course not. All right. Countdown. 3. 2.... 1.

Inhaling deeply, Nyoka pushed open the door and stepped inside. "Parvati, I -"

She stopped short as a sob interrupted her and allowed her blurry eyes to take in the room. Parvati slumped over the table, sobbing into the crook of her arm. "I don't understand what I did! Why -hic- did she have to be so cruel? I thought we were bonding!"

"Hey, it's not your fault," Ellie soothed, rubbing comforting circles between Parvati's shoulders. "Nyoka is a terrible person. She's probably drunk again - she's a total ass when she's drunk. Just ignore her, okay Par?" She looked up and scowled when she saw Nyoka. "What do you want?"

Nyoka couldn't respond; her tongue felt like a dead fish between her teeth. She could only stare, stunned, at Parvati's shuttering form. The realization that she had done this - her cruel words, spat in a moment of sheer panic, had reduced her shy, cheerful crush to a complete emotional wreck - drove like a dagger into her heart.

Ellie was right. What kind of absolute scumbag would do something so awful to such an absolute angel?

"Hey, dipsomaniac. Do you fucking mind?" When she still didn't answer, Ellie raised her other hand to snap her fingers impatiently. "Christ, are you that drunk? The fuck do you want?"

Nyoka finally snapped out of it. "Nothin'," she muttered, lowering her gaze to the floor. "Don't want nothin'." She grabbed two bottles of purpleberry wine and shuffled back to her room, ignoring the muttered scoffs behind her. As soon as the door was securely locked, she sank into her soft cot and popped the first cork. "Here's to being the baddest bitch on Monarch," she whispered, the first salty tear trickling between her lips, "and the fucking worst person on the Unreliable.

Cheers."

#outer worlds #nyoka/parvati #fluff #one shot #outer worlds fic #talia answers

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digressfromreality · 7 years

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The Days The Tables Turned

Synopsis: This was PERSONAL. That much was obvious. What does one clown do when a mobster doesn’t learn his place in Gotham’s new criminal hierarchy? Of course, kidnap their life blood, the one that literally means more than the filthy air they breathe. First he isolates her, second manipulates her, third the mutual companionship was completely unexpected. Revenge at its finest.

Original Inspiration: Heath Ledger’s Joker Part 1 of 6

Warning: SMUT, DEATH, my terrible grammar lol

THE ENCOUNTER

Rose could feel him, a firm grasp of the back of her head. His long fingers twisted different ways through her snarled locks. Both their breathing was heavy, just heated pants escaping their lips. As much as she internally screamed, no one could hear her cries. As much as she wanted to tell herself that she was afraid, there was a part of her that she deep down knew…that she was not. Another groan passed her lips as his grip tensed even more.

He was enjoying her response, her arousal. She loathed herself, her damned weak will as she succumbed to the pleasure. Her head was bowed away from him, her back firmly pressed against his torso. He wasn’t going to allow her to look at him just yet, no…no, first she had to realize, realize what she meant to him, and him to her. She only had been too stubborn to admit it, but now, maybe she would. Not even a woman like her, could resist his charms. Whether it be fear or chivalry, eventually everyone gave in, just as she was so close to doing. Just a little more handy work, and ah, he could feel her body slip.

“Oh my god.” Her legs weakened, giving him full control of her weight. He removed his hand from her jeans, quickly turning her around in the process. Her eyes gleamed with lust and a hint of fear. The fear widened her gaze as she stumbled back on her unsure legs.

He chuckled, “Far from god.” He examined his fingers in the sparse light, they were slick with her excitement. Not what he had been expecting at all, not at all. No, no this was better than what he wanted. A wicked grin broke out on his face, making her tremble. What was his next move? She winced when she heard the crunch of the metal can she had kicked unknowingly.

He yanked her back towards him with the scarf around her neck, sufficiently cutting her oxygen off. “Did I say you could leave? Mhm?” He popped his wet fingers in her mouth, “Don't bite.” He could feel her gently sucking on his fingers, tasting her shame. “Tastes good doesn't it?” He took his hand away from her, taking in her reaction. Her cheeks flushed, and averted her gaze to the right of him. He leaned in close to her, whispering something only she would hear, “I can’t wait to taste you for myself.” Her heart was pounding, she willed herself to push him from her. Not today, she wasn’t ready for this, nothing could prevent this…

“Ohhh.” She bit her bottom lip in an effort to stop her moaning. He had one hand back where it had previously been a minute ago and his mouth tugging at her exposed nipple.

“I had wondered whether the fight had gone, but there is still a fire within you yet. And I admire that.” He continued with her body, pain flickered across her face for a second. She needed to stop, she needed to fight him. But she was tired, tired of the fighting.

“Ow.” She breathed in sharply. The pain had come as a surprise, she had been so wrapped in her thoughts, her sickening pleasure that she hadn’t felt him remove her pants, or loosened his own.

“So tight. Almost virgin like.” He huffed in ecstasy, he was more excited they had gotten to this stage of their relationship. Never had his body felt the shrill calling to claim another. To make someone, her, writhed beneath him in a way that wasn’t connected to his knife. He kept his pace giving her no chance to counter his agile moves. He listened to her throes of pleasure. They were hitting her like waves, over and over again. He ran his fingers across her flushed body, absentmindedly rubbing her scars. Some were hers, some were ones he had given her. Like the three quick cuts on her shoulder blade, her penance for her three-day silence. It had taken him all his self-control not to slice it into her face.

But no, he couldn’t do that to such a pretty face. An expressive face. Or the long one running parallel to her spine, he hadn’t like her attempted escape. Especially not into the arms of his enemies. She let out a shriek from the sudden harden pushes into her. They were almost desperate, pleading for her body, for her muscles to clench around his.

She watched him out of the corner of her half lidden eyes, he was concentrated on the scars above her chest. She could feel him caress the raised skin. Her punishment for screwing up a job, she had gotten stabbed. She knew she had messed up when she felt the white-hot pain from the knife. Her father had been furious with her failure and for the scum bag that dared to cut her.

“Please, please.” Her pleas and incredible hold on his shoulders had brought him away from his thoughts. She was panting hard, each labored breath bringing her closer and closer to her end. He could feel her ready to peak. He slammed his scarred lips down on her mouth with such voracity that it had sent her over the edge. He swallowed her screams, making him no longer able to contain himself. With one more thrust he had spilled into her. His release and her tightening muscles had been oddly satisfying.

Never had the timing worked out so perfectly that both participants could get off at the same time. It had to be the sign that they were meant for each other. They could challenge each other, to match each other’s excitement. And wasn’t a stranger to each other’s misery it was too perfect.

He felt her body be limp once again in his arms, he hadn’t noticed before that he had held her the entire encounter. He wiped some of the red paint smudged across her face. Usually he hadn’t cared that he had left his own personal mark, but he wanted, no needed, to see her trembling lips. Her flesh shouldn’t be covered, no…no he liked the nakedness. It was revealing in its simplest form, her desire, her pleasure, and her pain.

She lazily wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her across the dark floor, the only light guiding them was the shivers of the moon shining through the uneven boarded up windows. He had lowered her gently onto the mattress and flopped down beside her. He watched her interested it her next move, she had removed what was left of her torn shirt, she was completely nude.

He had to repress a throaty growl as she laid back down with her eyes closed, oblivious to her actions. She wanted to lay down comfortable and he bit back an urge to take her all over again. His bare fingers danced up her naked flesh, goosebumps raising right where he traced. There were no blankets in the room, he hadn’t prepared for his arrival, let alone their arrival. The thought of him taking in a companion, was laughable, almost contiguously laughable. He grinned at the idea.

Her presence had been a surprise indeed. He had taken her originally as punishment for Maroni betraying their little deal. He told him he would take something more precious than his wealth, and he had been a man of his word. She had done all to a tee what every hostage before her did, begged, cried, and tried to bribe him for a safe passage out. And of course, he had given her the same, repeated threats, the same repeated, manic cackles. Then something had changed, she became comfortable. Almost relaxed in his presence. Then his perception, his interest had changed.

He watched her, he studied her habits. She would wrinkle her nose when something disgusted her, or when she was breathing heavy during her sleep, the harsh air would almost whistle between the space in her teeth. How she gingerly tended to his wounds he had received from the Bat-man. Or that slight extra around her middle would stick a little over her jeans, especially when she bent down to sit or pick something off the floor. She was average, but not average. She was bigger, but not biggest. She almost had the curvature of a black or Latino woman, but instead of a warm hue, she was ghastly pale. Her complexion could almost mirror his chalk his white paint. Maroni had thought she was safe, no one had found about her before, but he had underestimated the Joker.

Before Maroni had made it, before he had taken over the control of his family, the Italian mob, he had a plump girlfriend. Particularly, this girlfriend had been plus size, and blind. A double whammy. He did things to her that she couldn’t see, the good and the bad, and in return she did everything she could for him. They had lived together in relative secrecy. When it was his turn to rise, he knew he wouldn’t be able to take her with. There was no way to defend her, from the danger, from the ridicule. No one would take him seriously for a mobster if he had proudly stepped out with a defective other half. He had been ashamed that he had fallen in love with someone with such weak qualities.

The kicker was, she had understood this too! She had wished him no harm, no ill will, she had harbored no disgust for the man who was to leave her. She had only requested that he need not to contact her, it would only make it hurt worse. He had respected her wishes, until a year later when he received a letter in all brail. He had sent her more money that she could think to do with, and a promise, to keep their daughter, the only shred of evidence of their relationship, safe.

Now how did the Joker find all of this, mhmm…he had recently acquired the keys to a storage unit that the woman next to him had kept all this time. She had hundreds of her dead mother’s stuff packed tightly into the snug unit. Moth ridden and slowly decaying in ignorance.

He looked back over at his hand tracing up her side, she was shaking from the coolness of the room. He removed his purple jacket, laying it across the middle of her body, she instinctively curled her cold legs under the material. He observed her taking in a deep breath of his sleeve, of his scent. Even in her sleep she was comforted by his presence, regardless if she knew it or not.

Oh, oh, the thought had almost escaped him, he had things to attend to. One glance back one last time before locking the door. He walked over to the area of her forgotten jeans, he had to appreciate his skilled work, he had worked her clothes off her before she could grasp the seriousness, of the, situation. He turned towards the crate next to him, his hand reaching for what was concealed.

Where was the damned…ah yes, there it was. He pulled the recording camcorder to him. He had been documenting all his moves tonight not sure of the audience in mind at the time, but now, now he had a whole list in mind, himself included. Yes, yes, he needed copies, for more than just himself.

The clowns jumped at his sudden appearance. He cackled.

“Boss?” He threw the camcorder into one of the clown’s hands, grinning madly.

“Who would like to make a trip to Salvatore Maroni tonight? Mhm?” He stared at his goons, unenthused with their lack of enthusiasm. “Okay then, how about YOU!” He threw his knife in between the eyes of the nearest clown, “Hold my knife, and YOU, get to editing this masterpie-cah. Capiche?” Suddenly the whole room was animated, trying not to send the Joker into a blind rage. Joker licked his lips as he watched their forms enter the dark warehouse, they had a lot of work to do, a lot of work.

#joker fanfiction #joker imagine #joker imagines #joker smut #heath ledger joker

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crystalwitch-in-the-tardis · 7 years

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Crocodile Spirit Guide

The wonderful @clairvoyantclove did a reading for me the other day from their Animal Messages Oracle Deck and it was a very intense message and lesson that I am trying to integrate within myself currently.

Crocodile said this:

The alchemy of energy teaches that death will always yield new life (He side eyes me, raises his chin, and begins to speak) Child you heal. That’s noble. But you can’t heal all things. That’s just not natural. You can’t heal yourself if you’re too stressed to relax. You can’t heal a patient who won’t accept your energy. And you can’t heal death. Death is a beast of its own accord; its own construct if you will. Some can assist with death by making the final blow, or helping the spirit continue it’s travels, but that’s not really your style. Nevertheless you have to accept it. Let it grow in your womb and realize without it, you wouldn’t be alive. You’d have nothing to heal. You’d have no drive to be as far as you are, and you’d never successfully get anywhere. Because, my dear, death is the final destination. And no matter how long you ride that train, it’s going to stop somewhere.I thank crocodile, he lowers his head, blinks, and slides away.

In the moment of this reading it hit me so hard I knew this was something I had been avoiding, a lesson that had been trying to open me up for the past year. I have pulled the death card more the past year that I every have in the 5(?) years of doing tarot; the day of this reading my daily card was Death. I have also been surrounded by family and animal deaths this year. Loosing loved ones in close succession. Also the clients I’ve encountered the past year have challenged me as a healer and a person and there is a lesson within this that directly relates to at least one client in my life right now.

Yesterday I meant to meditate on Crocodile and their message but I was exhausted from my long weekend and like they said, I can’t heal myself if I’m stressed out. So I chose to relax and veg out instead of straining myself to contact a spirit.

But to begin to integrate Crocodile’s lesson and message I set up this grid/offering to Crocodile in the hopes they would help me with this. I set out my Death card (from the Shadowscapes Tarot deck), My special quartz points, a feather (it seemed right and I thought it would help speed the wind to bring this to Crocodile and him to me), and my tumbled piece of Crocodile Jasper.

I knew I needed to meditate on this message today and see if I could contact Crocodile spirit. I decided to go outside and lay in my hammock which is like a cocoon because its one of those ENO parachute hammocks for two people. I set up my crystal circle that I use whenever I do work where I ask spirits to come visit then got in the hammock and lay down. I took the Crocodile Jasper that I had put out with this little offering/grid and placed it on my third eye. I could not get into trance very well at first so I decided to try to go visit my astral home I had created last year. I’ve only visited it in my imagination as nothing is actually solid I’m just like, this is here, this is what it looks like, lol! It took me a few tries to get through the door, but I just focused on the stained glass moon phases panel set at the top of the door, pushed, and went inside. Once inside I saw how dusty and in disarray everything was. I felt really bad about not having taken better care of my astral home and plan to try to do more astral home visits (Which might actually help me get there in truth). I went to my, poor, giant quartz cluster on the wall and polished it till it was shiny and no longer covered in dust and spider webs (also in real life the spiders would not leave me alone at this point). I got things somewhat in order, then went and built a fire in the fire place.

Crocodile came to me out of the caves that lead off out of my cave/house and into different areas of the mountains my cave is in (I’ve not explored these yet and plan to, but the main thing is they lead off into different areas of astral or into myself). He lead me down one and we were in a dark area, I did not see anything I felt damp darkness around me and it smelled of wet earth. I felt him start to circle me. He probed me a couple times with his head then he opened his mouth wide. I was kind of scared but kept telling my self this lesson is about death and you need to learn it. Just stay calm.

He breathed into my ear and then his mouth was around my head, crushing me. I didn’t feel pain so much as pressure and suffocation. He crushed harder with his mouth and my head started to turn inwards and my chin was touching my left shoulder. My body was getting crushed and turned in towards the left side and all the sudden I thought, this lesson is about W (my client who’s symptoms have made her body in the exact shape he is crushing me into). The pressure released and I could straighten up again. I sensed him saying, Yes. You can not do anything about death. You must learn to let go. Death is Death and you cannot stop it. You can ease the pain along the way but there is nothing you can do about the final destination.

I felt him move towards my side as I lay on the ground and then all the sudden his head went into my abdomen, right below the solar plexus area, but above the naval. He clawed his way inside me and before I could even move I saw his hind legs and tail scrabble through and he was filling me. (I had placed the crocodile jasper on my third eye and I felt part of him go into it , while still making himself small and filling me ). After a while I became a crocodile, I felt my tail whip and felt myself claw my way along a river bank, a heavy tread, feet sucking into and out of mud, belly muddy being pulled along the river’s edge.

Something grabbed my leg and I jumped so hard that I startled myself back in to my physical body. It took a few moments and then was able to get back into a trance and I was the crocodile again but I was fatally hurt. My whole left leg had been torn away. Up to part of my left hip and a big chunk had been taken out of my tail as well. I don’t know what did it. I assume another crocodile. As I lay there, I tried to drag my body away from the river. Eventually it was too much weight and I lay there, numb and in pain, my left lower body in tatters. I was still alive when the other crocodiles found me. They tore me apart. Ripping and rending flesh, legs were pulled apart from my body, head was broken from neck; they totally consumed me. As they did I felt a darkness come over me and Crocodile was there again. He said, life is death and death is life. It is a cycle you cannot escape from but you can find peace in embracing it.

He let me drift back into my body and he seems to be hanging out near my crocodile jasper. I think he will be here if I need him or I need a reminder.

Overall I feel kind of numb and drifty, like I’ve been in the ocean too long and the water has washed me away. But I also feel at peace. My solar plexus and left hip are a little sore. And I think this is going to be a long lesson.

I have since done some research on Crocodile as a spirit guide and this experience seems to connect with a lot of beliefs held around Crocodile. Some of the interesting things (to me) are:

Look for an opportunity to ingest new knowledge and wisdom. This totem animal contains all the unbridled creative forces of the world and the fury and ferocity of Primal Energies. It is the keeper and protector of all knowledge. Know that this is the beginning of a new period of growth and regeneration. Use breathing techniques to keep yourself balanced during this time of change and give yourself time to integrate all of the changes you are making in your life. Patience is key at the moment. x.

and

Alligator/Crocodile’s medicine includes maternal protection, primal energies, connection to mother earth, protection from manipulation, understanding deceit, revenge through patience, initiation, understanding weather, access to ancient knowledge, power to survive.

The Alligator/Crocodile has inhabited earth for millions of years. They bare the unstoppable, untameable creative forces of All That Is, the force and fury of primal energies. They symbolise creation and destruction and are the keepers and protectors of all knowledge. In many a myth and legend crocs/alligators are known as the keepers of ancient wisdom. When one of these creatures enters your life, look for an opportunity to touch very primal energies. There will be an opportunity for new knowledge and wisdom.

Concealing themselves in mud and water, the alligator/crocodile will wait patiently for unsuspecting prey to come by and quickly snap it up! They eat any animal they can get their snappers on, and if unable to swallow it whole, will tear it into bite size pieces. YUM! In spite of this, they don’t eat unnecessarily. Waste is not a part of their medicine.

The alligators/crocodiles eyes located high upon their heads, giving them the ability to stay pretty much hidden below water yet still see above it. Symbolically this suggests clairvoyant abilities. From these creatures we can learn how to be patient and appropriate timing, for the alligator/croc knows when to hide below the water, when to peak above it, or take action and snap.

Concealing themselves in the water links the croc/alligator to the emotional body of man. They contain the lesson of discovering and letting go of emotions hidden below the surface. In the wet season when water is high, the alligators/crocodiles dig deep burrows that in the dry season are wet alcoves to which they retreat. As well as this, the alcoves act as reservoirs from which other animals drink. Water is the giver, the blood, the nectar of life, and though the alligator/crocodiles may be regarded as fearless and fierce by most, the sharing of these reservoirs shows that the alligator/croc respect all life forms. x.

I will be working more with Crocodile in the future.

#spirit work #spirit guide #animal guides #lesson to be learned #trigger warning death #death #gruesome #crocodile #personal

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deansoutros · 7 years

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Black [M]

A/N: hey all, this is my first fic on tumblr. i went with dean and i have a lot of plans for this fic so please so support it ;( i’m sorry if my writing sucks im terrible i know but ive just had this idea in my head for a while so i wanted to put it somewhere. i’m most likely gonna continue it even if ppl dont read it bc i kinda wanna finish it lol. but yeah if you like it pls tell me :) any comments are very much welcomed! btw it starts off boring but i wanted a nice& clear background. i promise it will get better!

characters: dean x oc, zico, crush, rome

genre: angst(ish?), university au

rated: m, alcoholism, stoners(lol), violence, abuse.

chapter one:

“nayeon!” I dropped the box full of school supplies as I ran to my roommate whom I hadn’t seen all summer. she replied with equal excitement as we hugged each other. we had just moved into a new place for the year and we were both anxious to set up our cute little house. our other two roommates had already arrived and I was the last one, what’s new.

“I missed you!” she cheerfully exclaimed.

“I missed you too!” I replied as I reached down, picking up the box I had dropped.

“come in we have to talk about tonight’s plans!”

she helped me finish carrying the rest of my stuff upstairs, and after sochi had helped me put my room together my phone dinged. I flopped onto my bed and grabbed it. I hadn’t noticed how much the 8 hour drive had exhausted me.

Apt D group chat-

Nayeon: be ready by 10! we all were invited to a sig nu party tonight at 10! we should leave around 10 or 10:30 just to make sure we get there when there’s already people there! school hasn’t started so welcome weekend is about to be crazy!

Sochi: it’s almost 9!! I’m going to get ready rn

Chaeyeon: omg ;( i really want to go but I am so tired from the drive

Nayeon: come out! It’ll be fun

Chaeyeon: tomorrow! tonight I’m just gonna stay in and sleep

Jisu: i just woke up from a nap so i’m down! rest a lot chae!

Chaeyeon: I will, have fun and be safe guys ❤

Sochi: we will bb ❤

and with that I got comfortable in bed, I was so exhausted that I didn’t care that I was still in my jeans and a long t shirt. I heard the girls getting ready to leave before I dozed off completely.

a mixture of screams and melodies woke me up. I was still as tired as ever. I picked up my phone and took a look. it was only 12am. the walls gently vibrated and with every second that passed I became more irritated. the loud music seemed to be coming from the other side of our apartment but when I got up, not surprised, no one was home. I walked into sochi’s room and peaked out her window. a dozen or so people were on our lawn.

“what the hell” I whispered to myself as I saw cans being dropped left and right. my anger grew more and more as i looked around the lawn. a bottle here a can there and…was that puke?

my mouth dropped slightly at the sight and I stormed down the stairs. I swung open the front door, startling a few people in the process. my little legs couldn’t go fast enough to keep up with my anger. within seconds I was in a familiar yet different place. this apartment was a mirror image of ours. everything was the same but on different sides. I looked around before I was grabbed and pulled back.

“what the fu-“

“private party, who do you know?”

I looked up to see a tall, dark haired guy. his eyebrows were thick and his lips were plump but all I could focus on was how much I wanted to hit him.

“I live across in apt d, is this your place?!”

“look, I don’t care where you live, who do you know?”

“what the fuck I don’t want to get into your stupid party!”

“you sure about that?”

“yes I’m fucking sure can you just turn your damn music down? people might be doing something crazy in the middle of the night, like sleeping!” he was amused by my response. his lips curled into a smug smile and he extended his hand.

“I’m zico” he said. I looked at the hand before me then back at him.

“can you just please turn it down and get your people away from our lawn?!”

“woah woah what’s going on? all the yelling above this good ass music? I don’t think so…. who’s this?” another tall guy holding a red cup came closer and he gestured at me as he looked towards zico. he, like zico, had dark hair but he also had a tattoo splattered across the side of his neck that reached down into his shirt. his scent was strong and hit me instantly. he smelled sweet, masked in the familiar scent weed mixed with alcohol. if it wasn’t for the smell of…well college, he would have smelled like heaven.

“she’s our new neighbor and she’s cute but she’s here to complain not to party with me” zico responded, scoffing as he took the red cup from his friend, chugging the last bit of liquid before walking off. I ignored him and looked at the guy before me.

“is this your place? turn it down it’s loud as fuck.” my eyes rolled slightly and my voice had given off an irritated tone. I pushed my way through the crowd and back out the front door and for the second time that night, my arm was grabbed and I was yanked back.

“what the hel-“ it was the guy I had just yelled at.

“what’s your name?” he blurted out and the smell of alcohol filled the air between us. I looked up at him, his hair layed in a simple curl above his left eyebrow and his eyes were glistening and red.

“chayeon” I replied as I lightly tugged my arm away from him. he quickly let go.

“sorry, about that…and the noise. we aren’t usually that loud but it’s our roommate, hyoseob’s birthday.” he was drunk and high, I could tell, but he kept himself so collected. if it wasn’t for his scent or his eyes I would assume he was sober. his cheeks were rosy and flushed like a child’s.

“take a picture, it’ll last longer” he blurted out. fuck, I didn’t even notice that I had been staring at him.

“can you just turn it down a bit please?” I replied, attempting to contain myself from showing embarrassment.

“maybe I should take a picture of you instead? it’d be nice to look at your face everyday” he disregarded my words but damn, that was unexpected and it was difficult to retain my cheeks from flushing.

“yeah sure, anyways, I’m tired so by-“

“hey tired, I’m dean” he extended his hand, his lips curled into the cheesiest smile and a small chuckle escaped his lips. he had been proud of the stupid dad joke he just made.

it took a second for me to look away from him, but i took his hand and gave it a light shake.

“nice to meet you, dean”

“it’s way nicer to meet you chaeyeon” our eyes met as he gave my hand a gentle squeeze, his lips had formed a perfect smile and for a second I was so infatuated with him that I had momentarily forgotten why I came out in the first place.

“why don’t you stay. come inside, have some fun” he had noticed that I was intrigued by him and he purposely teased.

“no thanks” he was amused by my quick response but before he could reply we were interrupted.

“dean? come back inside babe!” a girl swung open the front door and the music escaped. she had shoulder length dark hair and pale skin with huge lips. her body was slim but she was tall, at least taller than me. she had a prominent hourglass figure and god she was pretty.

dean didn’t take his eyes off me as i analyzed the girl at the door. his eyes were glued on me and when i looked back at him he smirked, amused by my reaction.

“coming” he replied, his eyes still on me.

“well goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“tomorrow?” i asked.

“I live 10 feet away from you so unless you’re planning on avoiding me we will probably run into each often”

“right..” my lips flattened into an awkward smile, as I heard the girl call his name yet again in a whiny manner. i walked back into my house and I felt his eyes on me until the moment I closed the door behind me. I watched through the peep hole as dean went back in, taking the girl’s hand into his and shutting the door behind them. I turned my back to the door and pulled my phone out. as I was about to start texting I was knocked over by the door.

“chae!” jisu ran to me as I got up, rubbing my elbow.

“chae are you okay? I didn’t know you were there I’m sorry!” nayeon exclaimed and I chuckled, nudging jisu to let go of me.

“I’m fine, it’s not your fault don’t worry” for the second time that night, alcohol filled the air surrounding me. sochi and nayeon burst into laughter as soon as they saw that I was fine.

“ha ha so funny guys” I cracked a smile and rolled my eyes playfully.

“what the hell were you doing there?” nayeon barely managed to say, her laughs conquering her.

“nothing! I was just looking at how nasty the lawn looks now” my words paused the laughter filling the room and jisu walked over to the window, peeping through.

“they’re having fun tonight, but our lawn looks like crap now” she sighed, irritated. I could tell she was sober, as she usually was when we went out.

“we’ll beat them up tomorrow” sochi said as she took my hand and nayeon’s, dragging us upstairs.

“come on jisu! MOVIE NIGHT!” she yelled.

“shut up” I laughed, pushing her towards her room and she whined, mumbling to herself.

“I’m going to bed, night all” nayeon said as she stumbled into her room, jisu following behind to help her.

“I got nayeon, you got sochi?” I nodded in response as I walked into sochi’s room only to find her on the floor mumbling yet again.

“c’mon let’s get you in your pj’s and ready for bed” I grabbed her pj’s from a drawer, tossing them to her as she got up.

“can you close my window please, they’re loud” I went over to the window, taking a look before closing it. something near the bushes caught my eye. a tall light haired guy was outside making out with some girl. her short dark hair and tall, curvy frame were barely familiar but I was almost certain it was the girl who called dean back in earlier. it wasn’t very long before kissing turned to other stuff. there were tons of people on the lawn but I doubt anyone was sober enough to see them.

“chae?” I closed the window and the blinds, walking over to sochi.

“what’s up?”

“why were you staring out the window weirdo”

I rolled my eyes playfully and pushed her onto her bed.

“shut up and go to sleep”

“yes mom!”

I turned her light off and closed the door. once I entered my room I fell into bed, thinking about what happened in the span of only 40 minutes. was that dean’s girlfriend? did I just witness her cheating on him? why the fuck am I even thinking about this I literally met him half an hour ago. I tried to clear my head of the useless things I had been questioning and I eventually fell asleep.

the next morning I had gotten up early and went to the gym. thankfully it was early enough that everyone was still asleep. when I returned home I saw zico outside, removing all the cans and cups from our lawn. I hopped out of the car and walked towards him, from the looks of it he had been at it for a while because the lawn was almost spotless.

“oh, hi! I’m zico, sorry about the mess” he pressed his lips together and embarrassment flushed his face. I curled my lips into an amused smile, an unintentional laugh escaped and confusion crossed his face.

“you don’t remember meeting me last night?” his eyes wandered, trying to remember.

“no..sorry. I’m sober zico and I’m sorry if drunk zico said or did anything dumb last night. I hope it wasn’t a bad first impression”

“it’s alright, drunk zico met mad, sleep deprived chaeyeon so tell him she’s sorry for her attitude”

he smiled, relieved to find out he hadn’t done anything too stupid. I reached down and grabbed a couple cans, helping him pick up. the front door swung open from behind me and out came dean with the same girl from last night. her hair was messed up and her makeup was smeared but she still looked extremely pretty. dean’s hair wasn’t any better and he was carrying a pair of heels in one hand and car keys in the other. by the look on his face it was obvious that he wasn’t expecting to see me.

“dean! this is chae-“

“chaeyeon” dean finished the sentence for zico and the girl with him glanced at dean then at me and back at him.

“I remember you from last night” he nodded slightly and gestured toward the person next to him.

“this is heoyang, my girlfriend” he gently pushed her in my direction and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before extending her hand to me.

“hi it’s nice to meet you, we’ll most likely be seeing each other often” I took her hand and forced a smile.

“yeah, for sure” there was a moment of awkward silence. all I was thinking about was what I saw last night. this was none of my business but if I was in dean’s position I would want someone to tell me, but again, I’m not dean and I don’t even know him.

dean cleared his throat and walked closer to heoyang.

“I’ll be back soon I’m going to go drop her off” he looked at zico before he headed off toward a very expensive looking sports car with heoyang wrapped around his arm. once the car drove off zico looked at me, eyes squinting.

“what?”

“what happened with you and dean? he never acts so awkward in front of people” I shrugged and tossed him a can, walking towards my front door.

“maybe it’s because I just met him last night? I don’t know” zico stopped me before I closed the door behind me.

“hold up, we’re having a bbq in a couple of hours, you should join us and maybe your roommates too so we could all meet”

“yeah, sure, I’ll tell them right now” I smiled at zico. I liked him and I could tell we would vibe off each other really well. I walked in and the girls were all eating breakfast despite it being close to 12PM.

“chae come eat” jisu pointed to the empty place on the table with her fork that had a waffle on the end. I shaked my head and went into the kitchen to refill my water bottle.

“I grabbed a sandwich on my way home, thanks. by the way are you guys busy today? the neighbors invited us over for a bbq a little later” I walked back to the table, taking a seat and stealing a slice of banana from nayeon’s plate.

“no, I don’t have anything to do today. are they cute at least?” I smacked sochi’s shoulder and she rubbed it.

“I’ve only met two of them. One has a girlfriend and the other…well yeah he’s cute. not my type but he is good looking”

“nice, I’m there already” nayeon blurted out. I rolled my eyes playfully and made my way up to my room.

“I’m going to shower and get ready”

after I had showered I changed into a pair of light jean shorts and a racerback mustard tank top that exposed just a tad of midriff. I laid my hair down and put on some makeup. I loved makeup but I wasn’t very good at it so most of the time I avoided eyeshadow. lashes, liner and eyebrows were always a must oh and of course a nice highlight. it was now around 3PM and the girls were still getting ready as well.

there was a loud knock on the front door and I grabbed my phone, slipping it into my pocket before I went downstairs to open the door. it was zico. he looked..cleaner. his tank top exposed his toned arms, nice view.

“hey the food is almost ready, come out!” I nodded and called out for the rest of the girls. they came almost immediately which was unusual but since this involved guys they were all for it.

“sochi, nayeon, jisu, this is zico” they all exchanged hello’s and handshakes. we all followed zico out to his lawn where there were two picnic tables with the grill next to it. not to my surprise dean and heoyang were on one table eating and two other guys were sitting next to them. they got up once they spotted us and introduced themselves. hyoseob, who requested we call him crush because he “crushes hearts”, christain, and of course dean and heoyang. we all took a seat on the empty table and zico brought us burgers and chips. zico sat with us and soon crush and christain joined us too. we conversed, exchanging majors and where we were from. turns out zico and sochi lived in the same city but attended different high schools. they began to get along really well and exchanged numbers, social media etc.

while they were talking, dean had left for a bit to take heoyang home. once he returned the sun was beginning to set. he took a seat next to me, nayeon and jisu looked at me before returning to their conversation with the other two boys.

“hey so about last night"

“what about last night?” i said

“i tend to get flirty when i’m drunk, so sorry about that. don’t get it wrong i’m a loyal guy”

you might be loyal but she isn’t.

“it’s fine i didn’t think much of it anyways"

"yeah but still..” i patted his shoulder and grinned.

“don’t worry, i get it. my lips are sealed. i won’t tell your girl that you want a picture of me to look at everyday"

he dropped his mouth slightly but with a smile. he chuckled in relief and passed me his phone.

"how about i take your number instead of your picture. i heard you say you’re a chemistry major and i could use a lot of help with my chem class this semester. i’m a physics major"

"aren’t physics people really good at chemistry?"

"not this one” he joked. i took his phone anyways and inserted my digits.

“i charge $20 an hour on weekdays and $25 an hour on weekends but for you, there’s a special, i’ll charge you $25 whether it’s weekday or weekend"

"wow what an amazing deal, i can’t refuse that” he laughed at my dumb joke and took his phone back.

“so why did heoyang leave so soon? it’s only 5:30” wow did i really ask that.

“uh she said she wasn’t feeling very well”

“oh well i hope she gets better soon” the atmosphere was so awkward now. i fucked up, whoops. it didn’t last long, we soon got into the nerdiest conversation about science.

we began the new semester the next day and as weeks went by, I had been tutoring dean in chemistry and he had been helping me in physics. aside from our school life, we had also gotten close in terms of friendship. I learned that his favorite color was black, he had a secret crush on selena gomez, and he didn’t tell me this but it was very obvious that his family was very wealthy. he always paid for meals and was constantly buying expensive clothing. zico and sochi had begun flirting a lot and they liked hanging out with all of us as an excuse to be together so the two apartments had become good friends in a short period of time. dean, christian and I didn’t go out on the weekends as much as the others did because most of the time we were studying. over the course of the 5 weeks that flew by I had gotten a text from nayeon. she explained to me that she didn’t know what to do because she saw heoyang hooking up with some random dude at a party one night. I told her to keep it to herself but the guilt was almost choking me. I managed to keep shut and so did nayeon.

zico’s birthday was just around the corner and a party had been well planned. this time I would be enjoying it instead of yelling at them to shut up. we tried to keep it a surprise but zico figured it out quickly. the day of zico’s birthday we had a nice dinner, which dean had sponsored, and later that night the party was on. the music was blasting and people showed up out of nowhere. it was only 11PM and the whole place was packed. the scene outside the house was way too familiar and I laughed at myself at the memory.

nayeon jisu and sochi were all dancing . sochi had begun feeling those shots from earlier kick in. she was making zico’s birthday very happy. I stayed near the kitchen, sipping on my drink and watching my roommates being stupid while dancing. don’t get me wrong I was feeling those shots too but I wasn’t ready to show my wild side to zico or any of his roommates. dean had stayed with me most of the night when he wasn’t with heoyang. she kept leaving and coming back claiming her friends were texting her about drama. I could tell dean wasn’t believing it and neither was I, but he didn’t say anything to her.

it got hot in there so fast and soon enough I couldn’t stand being in a tight long sleeve.

“I’ll be right back I’m going to change, it’s super hot” dean nodded and took a sip of his drink.

“ok but come back”

“I will” I chuckled. I headed out the door and the cool air hit me. it felt so nice, I stood outside for a moment and took in the air. as I was about to open the door to my place, I heard something coming from the basketball court that was connected to our lawn. it was dark and I couldn’t see much. I was also drunk which didn’t help. I walked a little closer and the image became clearer. it was heoyang, she was pinned against the fence with her skirt up. there was a guy in front of her and I didn’t have to look long before I could figure out what was happening. I couldn’t control myself and within seconds I was filled with rage. I walked over to her faster than I’ve ever walked, or at least it felt like that. without warning I grabbed her hair and yanked it back.

“what the fuck are you doing” she pried my grip off her hair and shoved me back. I stumbled a little but managed to keep standing.

“don’t fucking touch me you little bitch” she fixed her skirt and with every second that passed my anger grew and without hesitation I splashed my drink on her and she charged at me. the guy she was with held her back and the noise we caused made tons of people come out. she was cursing at me left and right. at this point I didn’t care anymore. I shoved the guy off her and grabbed a fistful of hair, my other fist met her cheek quickly and she fought back. I managed to push her down against the cement and I busted her lip open before I was pulled off her. the same guy held heoyang back as she continued to scream at me and I looked back. dean had his arms tightly around me, preventing me from moving. his face was filled with confusion and horror.

“let go of me dean I’m going to finish what I started” I growled as I fought to slip out of his grip.

“stop! fucking stop! that’s my girlfriend for fucks sake!”

“then tell my why the fuck this is the third time I’ve seen that bitch hooking up with some other asshole?!” I yelled back at him with no prior thoughts. the crowd that had been watching went almost silent. I heard some oh shit’s from them and at that moment, I realized what I just said.

#dean #deantrbl #KwonHyuk #dean fanfic #dean kpop fanfic #oc x dean #130 mood: trbl #deanfluenza #deanfluenza fanfic #first time writing #please don't hate it #fanfic #deantheofficial #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic

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