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meridia002-lorddiavolosconcubine · 4 years

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Dizzump in the Devildom

WARNING: FECES/DEFECATION, NSFW (NO SEX, BUT UTTERLY DISGUSTING), MERIDIA HAS AN ACCIDENT

Let this be the first entry in the Devildom Diary.

My first day in the Devildom was a total ASS DISASTER. Literally. Imagine finding yourself in an unfamiliar world that lacked amenities as basic as toilets. I was horrified and embarrassed when it came time to take my first dizzump in the Devildom. On that first evening I grabbed my demon boyfriend, Mammon, and pinned him against a dark corner to ask him where the toilet was.

“A toy what?” Mammon asked as he characteristically threw up his hands in confusion.

I dumbfoundedly watched him shake his head at me as waves of impeccable white hair grazed his forehead. Why humiliate myself by explaining the concept of human defecation to this shiny, smooth entity? I waved off my question as an exhaustion-induced brain fart and decided that it was best for me to search for a place to poop that night.

Why doesn't Hell have toilets? I searched the Internet for “demon boy anatomy,” and what I discovered didn’t comfort me. According to AkuWikia, demons lack functional buttholes. Their pink starfishes are only for anal sex and were never an original part of their evolution. The wiki article said the first king of the Devildom spent centuries watching humans procreate and fuck. He saw anal sex as unique and wanted demons to be able to do it. From that day onward, the demon king cast a spell on all his subjects that drilled perfect puckered holes in their anuses. The article made no mention of human defecation.

So there I was, my struggles to contain the doo doo within my donut hole failing me. Touching cloth is what humans call it when you’re desperately trying to keep the turtle’s head in its shell. Prairie dogging. You get it. I bemoaned my choice to wear tight-ass pants. I clenched my cheeks, my hands pushing them together to stall Mr. Hanky for as long as I could. I waddled sideways in the hallway like I had something up my ass. After all, I did.. it was threatening to break free. Why did I have to eat that burrito baby last night? Shit!

Stiffly shuffling against the wall, I opened the bathroom door. No toilets, but a pretty big bathtub. big enough to squat and drop deuce in the drain.

No! Shaking that thought from my mind, I continued searching every closet and room I had access to. Buckets? No. Where would I dump it? Asmo’s underwear drawer? Maybe. Ugh. Behind the bookshelves in the living room? Possibly. Let’s keep that as the number two choice.

I paused mid step in the hallway as my rectum clenched up in painful spasms. You know when the the shit starts coming down the pipe a bit more and holding it in causes painful cramps? That’s a sign you needed to find a toilet yesterday.

Time was running out as I was growing a monkey tail in my underwear. I needed to paint the Oval Office soon. Do I go in the bathtub and try to wash it down the drain? It seemed like the most private option. At this point, I could go outside for all the little D’s to see. What if Caveman Solo spied me dropping anchor in the grass like a dog? He’d probably like that.

I shivered at the thought of that shady fuckboi watching me shooting torpedoes on the side of the House of Lamentation. Why? Why didn’t they prepare this one little detail? Would it hurt these perfect, poopless men to install toilets for the one disgusting poop human?

My ass cheeks squeezed to the maximum when the final cramp hit me with a rumbling so loud it could’ve been Beelzebeef’s stomach. My cheeks gave out, and I went right in the seat of my pants. Staying in the bathroom, I locked the golden doorknob behind me. I dropped my pants, sticky brown separating from the cotton of my dollar store underwear. I glared at the brown curl in the seat of my panties with disgust. "I hate you," I whispered with all my vitriol.

I threw my clothing into a sagging, sad pile in the corner. I stood buck naked with my legs obscenely wide over the drain, squatting as much as my shortened Achilles’ tendons allowed. I inhaled and exhaled slowly to relax my sphincter. Warm ropes slid through my rectum like a monorail. I waited until I heard the soft plop in the drain. Sighing, I was about to stand up when another bout of the shits hit me, and this time it wasn’t as neat as the turd I just birthed. Before I could gather myself and clean my mess, a second violent episode of the shits gripped me. At this point, I was already half standing and no longer perfectly aiming over the drain. A typhoon of liquid ass viciously blasted the white tiles.

I panicked, and the more anxious I got, the worse the diarrhea became. I decided to accept the situation and let it all out.

“It will all be over with soon,” I said out loud. “And then I can clean it.”

With that being said, I pushed like a mother in labor. Pressure built inside my belly and travelled down to my colon until it exited my body in mere seconds. I became lost in the moment. I don’t know how much time passed, but it felt like the best time of life. Being so far gone in my poophoria, a moan escaped my mouth. Oh, the relief I felt in my guts! For hours I had held it inside me until the feces seemed to be sentient. It came out on its own.

My sweet moment was disrupted by a knocking at the door.

“Oi! Meridia!” Knock! Knock! “What’s going on in there? The smell is awful, and I gotta take a piss!”

Oh, fuck! Mammon’s timing couldn’t have been worse! Fuckfuckfuckfuck. I had to squeeze my cheeks together to restrain in the rest of the shitstorm while I looked around for paper towels. What was I supposed to say?

“Uh ... J-just a minute! Just taking an extra long bath!” My voice faltered.

“I gotta pee, so I’m comin’ in,” he answered. “It shouldn’t interrupt your bath!”

Goddammit!

Before I could stop him, Mammon turned the doorknob. The gold knob turned slowly, the door opened the slowest I’ve ever seen a door open. It creaked and squeaked ever so loudly, and I feared it would attract more attention. My stomach dropped again resulting in a tiny spurt of brown goo. White hair and brown skin poked through the door. First his head came through the crack like a little prairie dog. Then the crack opened wider as a RAD uniform appeared. The hands that were on the demon’s hips flew up to his nose as he gagged.

“Ack! What is that sme—” My boyfriend stopped talking as he stared at the Pollock-esque brown masterpiece I made all over the tiles.

“Meridia! What’s that comin’ outta your ass?!” He screamed.

My legs quaked with each spasm of shit I held back. It was useless. My cheeks jiggled with one final effort as a downpour of liquid brown splattered the tiles below me. Mammon was panicking, and I needed to explain this before he called his brothers for an emergency.

“Please calm down!” I begged. “I’m pooping!” My arms waved around agitatedly as I attempted to explain defecation to his confused face. “It’s a human thing. Please, just help me clean this fucking mess!”

Mammon seemed even more confused and distressed. His arms flailed all over the place in confusion.

“What does this even mean?” His voice cracked out. “Does your shit need to ... go back inside ya ass?!”

What? Oh, god no. I hope he doesn’t try that!

“No! Just, please don’t call attention to this!” I hissed. “I need you to bring me towels so I can clean this mess up.”

I hoped I could get through to him, because he gazed with a half-mile stare at my brown splattered masterpiece on the walls.

“Mammon!” I snapped him out of his shock. “Get. Me. Towels!”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure, thing.”

Poor little guy. He sounded ill. It wasn’t long before the white-haired tsundere came back with a bunch of white towels. I palmed my face.

“White towels? Human excrement will stain those so much!” I said.

He shrugged. “I guess we’re gonna have brown towels at the end of the night.”

Taking one from the stack to wrap around my body, I was able to set about frantically mopping my midnight regret off the walls and floor. Maybe the most difficult part was scooping my mess out of the bathtub drain. I turned to Mammon and was immediately floored by the sight of the demon with his jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and shirt unbuttoned. Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I think I was freakishly turned on by the smell of shit. His body odor combined with the scent of fecal lasagna twisted something primal inside of my core. I looked down at my hand, remember that I was squeezing an ice cream scoop sized clump of doodoo in my hand. I shook my head to snap out of my arousal before my thoughts went somewhere taboo.

I hurled the crap clog inside a garbage bag, which reminded me of the lack of a toilet.

“So, we need to talk to Lucifer rather discreetly about installing a toilet in the house,” I reminded Mammon. “On second thought, let’s just see if Diavolo can put toilets everywhere.”

Mammon shook his head. “Why didn’t ya just say something earlier, human?” he said. “When you asked me about the toilet earlier, ya coulda just explained it to me. I think I heard something about Diavolo having putting those in RAD just for the human students.”

I froze. “You ... What?!”

He gulped. “Uhh, yeah. How’d ya think Solomon shits?”

My body began to shake in anger. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

He stopped when my emotions started to show. “Hey, now. I’m sorry. It just slipped our minds.”

My jaw tensed as vengeful ideas played through my shit-addled brain. Leaning over the tub, I eyed the drain deviously as a new set of spasms wrapped my bowels in their grasp.

“Mammon,” I eyed him sideways. “We’ve cleaned enough in here, and I need to bathe.”

He stopped scrubbing to wipe sweat off his sexy forehead. “If ya say so. Call me if ya need me human.”

Before he left, we made out like teenagers, my soiled hand leaving smudges in his clean, white hair.

When I was finally alone, I dropped my fluffy white, brown smudged towel on the clean tiles. Stepping inside the shower, I marveled at the freshly cleaned tub. Sad I would have to soil it again.

Once more positioning my legs vulgarly wide over the drain, I unleashed everything. No holding back.

#obeyme #mc has an accident #tw feces #obey me mammon #bathroom #cursed fic

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cricket-scribbles · 5 years

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NSFW Alphabet | Diego x Eudora

Prompted by @detectivediego! Hope you like it, lovely! ♥ Check out Ao3 for extra visual aids *winkwink* Masterlist

A: Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)

Diego is very tactile after sex. He knows he can be a lot to handle for many reasons and he wants to make sure Eudora is comfortable, sated, and well-cared for. He likes running his hands over Eudora’s skin, feeling every post-orgasmic shiver and twitch of her muscles. He also likes to scoop an arm around Eudora’s waist and pull her on top of him, draping her over his chest until every inch of her is pressed to every inch of him.

Eudora cozies up to Diego, rests her hand on his chest or his back. Presses lazy, contented kisses to the side of his neck probably where she bit him a few times earlier.

B: Body part (Favorite body part - on themselves and their partner)

Diego’s favorite body part on himself: abs. He’s not shy about it either. He worked hard to get them and he’s proud of that.

Diego’s favorite body part on Eudora: hands. The way she holds him, the way she threads her fingers through his hair then pulls with a delicious burn to his scalp, the way her fingernails bite into his back. Her hands are capable of anything and he loves toying with her fingers, kissing her knuckles, her palm, her wrist. Eudora’s favorite body part on herself: breasts. Especially when Diego falls asleep with his head there. Or kisses between her breasts. Or pinches her nipple between his teeth. Or the rasp of his stubble scrapes the curve of her breast - she’s off the moon.

Eudora’s favorite body part on Diego: Arms. When he holds her, she feels safe and secure in a way that she’s never felt before.

C: Cum

Eudora is a highly active woman. She takes extra precaution when it comes to pregnancy risks. So even though she’s on the pill, she makes sure Diego still wears a condom and he will not be cumming inside her.

Heaven for Diego is Detective Eudora Patch cumming on his tongue with her thighs clamped around his head.

D: Dirty talk (Do they engage in it? Do they like it?)

Diego has the filthiest mouth on planet earth. And he never stutters. When he’s talking dirty, he talks more than Eudora has ever heard from him before. What he says depends on his mood and his partner’s mood. Sometimes it’s sweet and sexy. Other times it’s rough and raunchy.

Eudora is a bit more sparing with her dirty talk. Only because she knows exactly the effect it has on Diego and she wants to make sure he stays hungry for it. She’s very discerning with a well-placed phrase or two whispered in Diego’s ear as her fingers wander down his chest and below his belt. She knows where the switch is to light Diego up in a heartbeat and she uses it to her full advantage.

E: Experience (How experienced are they?)

Eudora and Diego are equally experienced.

Although Diego was the first one to really show Eudora the pleasures of leather, bondage, and the head rush of adrenaline.

Eudora was the first one to show Diego the pleasure of vulnerability, how good it felt to let himself fall into Eudora's hands with complete surrender and know she will take care of him.

F: Favorite position

Doggy all the way for both.

But then there was that one time when Eudora was asleep in Diego’s bed, lying on her stomach, sheets pooled around her waist, exposing her bare back. Diego traced his fingers down her spine, over the curve of her ass, nudging the sheets aside.

Eudora woke to Diego laying on top of her as if he was shielding her from the rest of the world, his cock sliding into her to brush against her G-spot so perfectly that she gasped a shaky holy fuck into her pillow.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” Diego whispered in her ear.

That became their #1 favorite position. Eudora could still reach over her shoulder and pull Diego’s hair the way he liked. Diego could say all manner of depraved dirty talk, mumbled in Eudora’s shoulder, neck, and hair. Eudora went out of her mind every time she heard Diego moan and she felt him thrust into her all the way to the hilt, completely filling her, his body covering hers protectively, his hand clutching her hip with a death grip.

Doggy is great for a quickie but this...this hit all the right spots for both of them. Literally.

G: Goofy (Sense of humor during sex or not?)

It took a while for Diego and Eudora to discover their lighter, happy side. Sex is usually a release of adrenaline and frustration for them. It’s rough around the edges, it dances along the edge of danger, teeth gritted, grasping and biting and the friction of skin on skin to forget everything else.

Once they finally relaxed and became familiar with each other, every now and then Diego lets a joke slip or a wry comment and Eudora just cracks up. And it absolutely thrills Diego to see Eudora laugh like that when she’s usually so serious on the job.

He doesn’t ham it up all the time. He’s (adorably) shy about being cheesy and playful with Eudora but she loves to coax it out of him when she can.

Though tickling is off limits for both of them. It would simply end in a blood bath.

H: Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Diego prefers to keep any and all body hair short. Less hassle that way.

Eudora stays trimmed but only once in a blue moon will she wax. She’s too damn busy for it otherwise.

I: Intimacy (What are they like in the moment? Are they romantic or not?)

It takes a looooong time for Diego and Eudora to actually be intimate and romantic with each other. At first, sex was fast and rough and that was it.

Months later, Diego is the one to show his romantic side. Eudora had a really bad week at work so Diego set up a nice dinner for her (which he ordered from her favorite restaurant since he can’t cook for shit). He takes her hand and pulls her close, slow dancing to the muted music emanating from an apartment or a night club about a block or so away that makes it sound like it’s from another world. Eudora was utterly shocked and teased Diego a little about it which made him duck his head and look away, self-conscious. But Eudora kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder, sending Diego’s pulse skyrocketing through the roof. They hardly talked, there was no sex, and they just held each other for an hour or two.

After that, romance and intimacy factored into their lives more. Eudora loves giving Diego massages - she gets to run her hands over the muscles in Diego’s back for as long as she wants, and she catalogs every new bruise and scar that Diego never explains. Plus it turns Diego into a puddle of goo - he’s more relaxed than she’s ever seen him.

And Diego really, really loves kissing every inch of Eudora’s skin. It’s not enough to run his hands over the swell of her breast or the arch of her neck - he wants to taste her, to feel her skin against his lips. He doesn’t always have the patience for it though because he gets distracted by how good she smells or the way she hooks a thigh up around his hip.

J: Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

After a night of vigilante-ism, Diego’s blood is pounding and if he’s not too beat up or dead on his feet exhausted, he’ll do a quick jack off session before falling into bed.

Eudora has a wide range of masturbation methods that she likes to utilize from shower heads and bullet vibrators to dildos. She doesn’t get to do it as often as she would like, especially when it comes to stress levels from work and Diego’s escapades. But on her weekends, she definitely takes some time to treat herself right.

K: Kink(s)

Danger. Just...danger. For both of them.

Also:

Diego - BDSM (obviously) Lingerie, black is better but Eudora convinced him that red is sexy too. Stockings Almost getting caught Hair pulling (his more than hers)

Eudora - Blindfolds Orgasm denial (hers as well as his) Hot and cold play

L: Location (Favorite places to have sex)

At first, it was just quickies in a back alley or in a restroom. Neither Eudora nor Diego wanted to open their living spaces to each other. They just wanted to fuck each other senseless.

But those were locations out of convenience, not preference.

Later on, for Diego, it was the gym. Plenty of opportunity for bondage. Had the perfect echo when Eudora got vocal. And it was just enough of a public space that there was a thrill of almost getting caught if anyone knocked on the door, looking for a late night gym session.

Until Five transported into the gym with a giant bag of popcorn in hand. The gym was a no-go after that. (Somehow, miraculously, Five got out alive with all appendages in tact. Though he still keeps a safe distance between himself and Diego at all times.)

Then it was Eudora’s apartment, or a motel room on the city’s outskirts where they were both far away from their lives.

M: Motivation (What turns them on?)

Diego: Eudora’s everything. Bonus points for when Eudora, out of the blue, sidles close and whispers something like, “I want you to fuck me against the wall. Now.”

Eudora: Diego’s shoulder holsters. When he bites her lip in the middle of a kiss. Every damn time he wears leather (which is a lot and she’s in agony).

N: No (Something they wouldn’t do. Turn offs.)

Diego - He will. not. draw blood on Eudora. Ever. If things get rough and he sees his hand print a little too dark on Eudora’s skin, he will screech to a stop, whether the safe word was used or not. He’ll call the whole thing off and pull Eudora into his lap, cradling the back of her head in his hand, kissing her shoulder in apology.

They like to tease that boundary between pain and pleasure but it makes Diego physically ill to think of seriously hurting Eudora.

Eudora - She can’t bring herself to call Diego even slightly demeaning/derogatory names. She did it once, in the heat of the moment when they were first getting together, and he didn’t flinch but there was something in his eyes that made her stomach drop. Like he believed he deserved it. Like he’d heard it before many times to the point that he’d accepted it.

She only praises him now, tells him how good he is for her. He doesn’t believe it, but she hopes he will one day.

O: Oral (Giver or receiver? No go altogether?)

Diego - Giver and receiver with equal enthusiasm. There’s something about eating Eudora out, bringing her to climax with only his mouth, lips, and tongue that fascinates and thrills him. He doesn’t have to picture words in his head. His mouth won’t clam up on him or fail him. He won’t trip over his tongue. For once, his mouth does exactly what he tells it to and he could watch the results of his efforts for days as Eudora babbles his name over and over.

Eudora - She receives more than gives, mostly because Diego is so attentive. But when she gives, she gives very, very well. She knows every spot that will make Diego arch right off of the bed, fingers fisted in her hair, in the sheets, and the most colorful obscenities pour from his mouth.

And she LOVES working him into an oversensitive state. It’s like crack to her, watching brooding Diego become a breathless, panting, squirming mess.

P: Pace (Fast or slow?)

For both Eudora and Diego, 90% of the time, it’s fast.

5% is slow and sensual. Romantic and sweet. Doesn’t happen often. But they’re working on it.

The last 5% is so slow that it’s sheer torture - basically orgasm denial.

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies)

For the first few months of their not-relationship (because they refused to give it a label), all Diego and Eudora did were quickies. It took them at least six months for their first sexual encounter that lasted more than five minutes.

R: Risk (Do they experiment? Or not?)

Oh boy do they experiment! They need to learn where the breaks are ASAP. They just plunge in and don’t slow down. The thrill of riding that danger line gets them both revved up.

They have a safe word of course. But it’s a matter of pride and principles and pure buttheadedness that they never use it.

S: Stamina (How long can they last?)

Diego has more stamina and can generally go for another round pretty quickly. But overall, neither one lasts very long. They generally play hard and fast.

T: Toys (Do they own any? Do they use any on their partner? etc.)

Toys galore between the two of them.

Diego has all sorts of toys, mostly used on his partner. Handcuffs, ropes, etc.

Eudora has a decent sized collection of a variety of toys to use on herself. Due to the unpredictable and demanding nature of her job, there are stretches where she’s flying solo a lot. She doesn’t like to rely on someone else to give her pleasure when she can give it to herself.

Also, when she’s fighting with Diego, she refuses to be the first one to break.

U: Unfair (How much do they tease?)

Diego is 50-50 on teasing. Sometimes, he’s too impatient for it. Other times, he likes to work Eudora into a frenzy and see her completely unraveled because of him.

Eudora is a master at teasing. She craves leaving Diego right on the edge, not letting him cum for hours. It takes a long time to break Diego’s iron will, but she always gets him to that pleading point eventually.

V: Volume (How loud are they?)

Eudora is fucking LOUD and Diego loses his shit over it every time.

Diego is at the medium noise range. He’ll talk dirty a mile a minute but he prefers to listen to Eudora go off.

If it’s hate sex/make-up-after-a-fight sex, sweet lord, get some noise-cancelling headphones for the entire block.

W: Wild card (Random headcanon)

Diego and Eudora are both fairly dominant personalities which is why they butt heads so often. Diego exercises his dominant side in the bedroom more often than Eudora does, simply because Diego is so used to keeping his submissive side under wraps in case someone uses it against him as a weakness.

So the first time Eudora yanked on a fistful of Diego’s hair and said very softly, “On your knees,” Diego just about came in his pants then and there.

As sexy as it is when Eudora gives orders, it’s also Diego’s knee-jerk instinct to retaliate against those same orders. So he gets VERY mouthy and bratty, to Eudora’s delight.

X: X-ray (What’s going on down below?)

Diego’s cock is...intimidating, to say the least, at 8 inches long, heavy, and thick. Every time Eudora sees it, she wants to wrap her hands around it, squeeze him or stroke him until she gets a reaction.

Eudora used to wear boy briefs or lacy underwear. Until she went commando once and wound up at Diego’s place. When he found out she wasn’t wearing any underwear, she could see the physical reaction come over him - a hard swallow, lips parted in pure, unveiled, raw hunger.

She goes commando as often as possible now, just to make Diego go a little nuts over it.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Diego - high. When he’s at a crime scene with Eudora and she has that gun strapped to her hip, he wants nothing more than to get his hands on her right then and there.

Eudora - high. One look at Diego with those knives, wearing all that tight black clothing...her mouth goes dry and all she can think about is pinning him down until he moans.

It leads to a lot of pent up sexual frustration on both sides.

Z: Zzz... (How quickly do they fall asleep afterward?)

They both stay awake for a little while. But Eudora usually drifts off first. Mostly because Diego can’t bear to close his eyes around Eudora in case he wakes up and realizes she was just a dream and now she’s gone.

....whoops I made it sad

#the umbrella academy #diego hargreeves #eudora patch #didora #diego x eudora #diego hargreeves x eudora patch #cricket ficlets #and tumblr is going to smother this post with censorship #oh well #long post

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parkjmini · 6 years

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bts as fuckboys

[a/n]: inspired by @sweetersuga | original post: x i wrote it as the perspective that you’re already close friends w them/have been with them before !!

Seokjin

he’s the funny, sarcastic one where he could be kind of mean bc he takes it a lil far

“you’re such trash you sleep with every girl”

“at least I can get someone to sleep with me”

he flashes a smile in the hall bc he KnOws iT GeTs oN YouR NeRveS

“When’s my birthday”

“January 1st bc u set off my fireworks baby”

“i am disgusted”

piggy back rides on those goddamn strong broad set of shoulders ooffff

“I’ll call you, ya?”

He never calls u bc he probably forgot too busy improvin himself

you have a streak with him and all he sends are selfies with the caption “I hope your day is as beautiful as I am (:”

He catches you staring in class one day and he’s like “take a pic, it’ll last longer babe”

And omg he ACTUALLY TELLS YOU TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIM

so now u have a gallery full of jin and he wont let u delete them bc he thinks they’re all masterpieces you do too but youd never admit it

the only fuckboy that’s tolerable bc he’s rlly just a big goof

“why don’t you ever have sleeves on your shirt jin”

“these shoulders are on display, honey, can’t cover up the jewels”

he’s kind of obnoxiously loud that u want to shove ur fist into his mouth to sh u t him uP

“dude, jimin’s hot”

“okay but so am i ??”

“ok ya youre really hot but so is jimin”

“jiMIN (Y/N) THINKS YOU’RE—-”

“–ANNOYING THANKS SEOKJIN PLS SHUT UP WHY R U STILL TALKING WOW”

“just trying to get my baby some more dick jeEZ”

Yoongi

“hey yoongs why dont we go on a date??”

“uuhhhhhh since when were we dating? lmao dont trip”

gets a new number every 2 months bc he loves fucking w them crazy bitches too much

“sometimes you need to mess around with the ones who can bite off your dick, being risky is hot (-;”

“BEinG riSkY iS hOt ya u wont have a penis anymore at the rate you’re going”

kind of smells like a mixture of alcohol and cologne

hand-on-ass-when-he-hugs

“let’s play a game, if u lose u have to take off ur clothes, if i lose u have to take off ur clothes”

“wait but yours stay on ?? wtf yoongi??”

“no mine will come off right after i see u naked (;”

the one to play with the ends of your skirt/dress/shirt bc it gets u so flustered and he lives seeing u flustered

straight up Arrogantᵀᴹ at times its hot but ur so annoyed by it that u wanna knock some sense into him

wont ask for nudes but will ask to see some goods

“can i see ur tits”

“for the 4039th time, no”

“well, a man can try”

SMIRKY MC SMIRKY HERE like it just comes OUT of NOWHERE and it is OUT to ATTAC

u dont have a snap streak w him bc it always breaks bc he replies every 3 years bc he was “busy”

but he’s always the fourth person to like your instagram posts???????

and to comment the water droplet/eye/tongue emoji combo ????

loves when u swat his hands away from gripping your thigh

Hoseok

(i wanted to use this gif but it was so big and rectangle and didnt fit but u need to see that gif to really take in the fuckboy bc i cannot find a representation as accurate as that gif is)

always greeting you whenever he sees you

“hey babygirl”

“hoseok we just saw each other in chemistry”

“ok and????? can’t i say hi to my baby?”

“but im not”

“lmao every girl is my baby”

raises his eyebrows any time you fix your dress or your shirt

asks to borrow a pencil and never returns it

“where is my pencil hoseok”

“where is my kiss (y/n)”

“we didnt agree to that”

“well i didnt agree to give it back”

“dO u NoT kNOW whAT BoRRoW meANS”

loves to share so he shares a lot of his snacks with u

“omg i love snacks!!”

“oh baby me too” and trust me, he’s not talking about the food

has the brightest, kindest smile so it catches you off guard when he says some snarky fuckboy comment

loves physical contact !!!!! always has a hand on your back, or shoulder, or thigh, or hand, or arm

lip LICKING PARDON ME HIS TONGUE IS UNCONTROLLABLE

lets you wear his hats/jackets/hoodies bc he thinks youre sooo cute in his clothes

he walks around school with his hands in his pockets like a doUCHEBAG

catches you off guard by spinning you around with his arm around your waist

uses the line “im a dancer” to get girls what an eyeroll

the type to drag you onto the middle of the dance floor at a club just so he could show off his skillz which are actually super bomb like even ur impress and uve seen them 308443 times

he got that sweatpants dick print

Namjoon

changes his contact name to Daddy on your phone

Mr. Ass Man he loves ass ASS ASS ASS SO MUCH ASS BIGGEST ASS LOVER

“oh shit did you see her ass”

“look here bootylover123 stfu”

winks at you a lot in the halls

“do you have a fucking eye problem namjoon”

“its a wink”

“u do it so much that im beginning to think youre eye is having a spasm

lets you copy his homework if he got a hug in return

the type to comment a peach emoji on your instagram photos even if there is no butt involved

loves when you sit on his lap

one time there weren’t enough seats on the bus and he patted his leg for you to sit

“i know you hate standing (y/n), take a seat itll be fine”

“why can’t u be a gentleman and give up your seat for me?”

*alMOST CHOkES from LAUGHING* “me???!!! a gentleman??? wow u expect too much, just sit your big ass down on daddy’s lap or suffer standing”

buys you lunch bc he loves showing off his e x p e n s i v e w a l l e t

he could go from having a full blown brilliant monologue as to why he exists to giggling about how your moles r arranged into the shape of a penis

calls girls mami or ma

asks for ass pics at like 1:32 AM

and u send him pictures of ur elbow crease

and he actually thinks its ur butt

BLASTS baby makin music from his car and causes a public disturbance

has the highest count of broken beds, not bc of a high body count, but bc he actually breaks the bed everytime he sleeps w someone

Jimin

spaces out when ur wearing a low cut top bc hes too busy staring at ur cleavage

his streak snaps are either mirror pics, his abs, mirror pic of his abs, and occasional dick pics

“wanna play 20 questions (;”

“we’ve played 20 questions like 20 times already”

“ok gr8 ill start first: will u let me hit it from the back??”

offers to netflix and chill all the time and it sux bc he actually knows all ur fav shows

ok let me reiterate, jimin knows all ur favorite anythings bc he listens to u 75% of the time bc he thinks ur voice is sexy

will never fail to compliment you when u look good

“damn baby, is this all for me????”

“no i just dont want to look like a hobo today”

gets super jealous when any other guys speak to u even tho hes piping down like 8 other girls

“jimin they’re my frIENDS ur not even my bf why u tripping”

“they arent acting like theyre ur friends. i know fuckboy behavior when i see it (y/n) its my occupation, i do the same shit w girls”

“thats good then, someone else wants me too”

“not good bc ur HOT ASS IS MINE )-:”

youre saved as #1 babygirl on his phone no objections

walks into class with a new hickey in a new place every day

he has SEX EYES u could never look him directly in the eyes bc theyre so captivating

fucking walks like an arrogant prick down the hall and whistles when u pass

brags about his big dick when its honestly not as exaggerated as he says

has a picture of you in one of his shirts as his homescreen wallpaper

Taehyung

“i wont show anyone, im not messed up like that” yea be careful w this one honey, pretty sure jungkook, hobi, yoongs, namjoon all know how ur tits look like

has the perfect innocent face where u have no idea that he’s fucking 4 other girls

always responds after 12 am and calls u at 3 am

“tae im fucking sleeping”

“damn thats hot what else u doin??”

“hanging up on u goodbye im going to block ur number”

“pls don-”

uses the line, “i just dont think we’re compatible” on E V Ery GIRL

offers to hangout but never follows up with it bc he’s never seen out in public with a girl unless its his momma

“jasmine is telling everyone you gave her chlamydia, u get checked bro??”

“dont worry about it”

body count means a lot to him

loves hugs bc he likes feeling boobs squished against him

sometimes INTENTIONALLY lowers his voice bc he KNOWS ur into that shit

thinks youre playing hard to get when rlly u just dont care lol

“i know u want all of this, (y/n)”

“i think ur mistaken”

“right bc i want all of u (:”

“ya tae let’s not get ur feelings mixed w mine ok thx u”

NO SUCH THING AS PERSONAL SPACE the boy is a koala and will latch onto u

Jungkook

the biggest fuckboy of them all

has slept w almost every girl in the school and is v proud of it

“what’s your name again”

“rlly jungCOCK”

“ok (y/n) i know ur fkcing name so can u learn mine”

u dont think he’s ever had a gf b4 bc he doesnt believe in labels OR commitment which hes pretty vocal abt

unlike jimin, he doesnt own up to his dick pics and swears that they were “”accidents””

SCrEENsHOTS! but ur smart so ur face is NEVER in ur pics

“who’s boobs r on ur phone kook”

“yours”

“you WOULDNT DARE”

“i dont have photogenic memory (y/n) i wanted to remember those cuties without a shirt on (;”

looks too fucking good w a fresh cut that u need to avoid him in the halls or ull melt to goo

only owns white tees and timbs lmao hahahaha

smirks when you bend down to pick something up

that or he yells, “one more time, babe!”

“wat u doin”

“showering”

“without me!!1???”

he’s on tinder too so once he’s done with the sampling pool at school, he can broaden his horizons

a car enthusiast and will get offended if u dont think his rims r cool

thinks youre really hot when you yell at him or hurt his feelings

youre his prized possession bc he actually likes talking to u but will never admit it

has a specific nickname for u that he doesnt call his other girls bc its YOURS !!

“hey cutie”

“hey jungCOCK”

hates the nickname jungCOCK

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