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star-girl69 · 3 months

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Because Of You

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader

—-

synopsis: years after your rite of passage, the boy who’s heart you broke just won’t leave you alone. clarisse, your girlfriend, quickly decides she’s not a fan.

a/n: should i stop procrastinating and then forcing myself to write shitty fics quickly? probably. but not today!! this is kinda just like an au of dont delete the kisses but… you guessed it… IDC!!!!!!!! from this ask

thank you all so much for patiently waiting i love y’all soooooo muuccchhhhhh 🫶🫶💋 as i mentioned on my acc i have the next week off from school, pls expect more content then!!

Because Of You - Lana Del Rey (Unreleased)

warnings: NOT PROOFREAD, this sucks so bad y’all sorry lolllll, y/n is a year round camper!, starts out very background heavy but i really don’t care 😭, creepy men UGH, ugly bitches not being able to let shit go, im gonna say sexual harassment just incase, swearing, usual demigod stuff y’all know what you’re getting into, jealous!clarisse YESSS, possessive!clarisse ik i screamed!!, protective!clarisse too, slightly graphic makeout scene, i think that’s all, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

When you were young, you were thrilled by the thought of love.

The idea of belonging not only with someone- bodies fitting together like puzzles pieces- but belonging to someone- wrapping around you like a warm blanket.

Later, your half-siblings would describe mostly similar experiences to yours- an overwhelming desire to be loved, wanted, needed. Ever since you ran into camp with a monster hot on your heels and satyr shouting encouragement next to you- everyone’s stared at you. They poke and prod, they act like they’ve never seen a daughter of Aphrodite before.

It’s annoying, but it makes you feel good- but not quite.

Until Alek came along.

You were both 13, you still believed in soulmates, and you wanted nothing more than to be with each other for the rest of your lives.

You were 13, and he felt like the only one for you.

And when you had to break up with him to fulfill your rite of passage- it felt like the world was ending. You cried for days and begged your sister Phoebe to say it wasn’t a true, it was just a mean, mean prank.

But she couldn’t tell you that, and there were more types of love that romantic.

While you longed to hold someone, to be held- you also craved your mother’s approval like you were starving. You wanted her love, you wanted her to visit you in your dreams, you wanted gifts from her, you wanted everything and anything she could give you.

So, it hurt like you had never known hurt before, but you did it. Alek seemed entirely indifferent to it, almost ignoring you and pretending you hadn’t said it- but you felt a warmness around you, a dove flew between trees, you knew your mother was there and she approved.

Breaking up with Alek felt like the sun had exploded on top of you.

Being with Clarisse felt like the sun was wrapped around you.

—-

After Alek’s initial denial, he went through all the other stages of grief, mourned your relationship like you did, and you came out on the other side with a one-sided agreement to forget it ever happened.

Alek got stuck. Or went back. He started to believe that you were still meant to be, that much you could tell.

Until that day at the training fields when your hand slipped at archery and you almost shot Clarisse in the head- and she had glared at you so harshly while you ran over and examined her head, gushing out apologies and fretting over her.

She pushed you away, hand lingering for a second, eyes softening before she quickly looked away.

“Just… be more careful,” she had said, almost like a question, like she wasn’t sure the words were coming out of her mouth.

And, Gods, were you terrified it was all some secret plan. Make you think it was alright only to corner you in the woods and probably kill you, or something.

And when she asked the next day to teach you how to shoot a bow, you agreed with tears in your eyes, knowing of her reputation, and it took a lot of trust and a lot of swapped secrets for her to prove to you it wasn’t all some elaborate plan.

But even if her plan was to kill you the entire time, you fell in love over her fixing your stance, hands brushing as you accidentally grabbed the same arrow, stolen looks across the pavilion.

It wasn’t until a random kid bumped into you, making you fall and twist your ankle. Clarisse had this look in her eyes that was so genuine, so full of love and care for you, softly caressing your leg after she had punched the other kid in the face.

And you realize as she said you were doing great, limping while she helped you to the infirmary, that this was something.

And as much as you hated the violence being committed over you, it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, and the warmth in your chest was all you had ever wanted. This was what it was like to belong with someone, to someone, with her, to her.

This was what it was like to be admired. Loved. Wanted. Needed.

And when she softly told you goodbye, you had kissed the corner of her lips and thanked her- turning to walk into your cabin, ankle already feeling better thanks to the ambrosia.

She grabbed you by the wrist and turned you around, pulling you against her tightly and kissing you so harshly like she had just found the secret to the world in her lips on yours, her hands on your hips.

And when she finally pulled away, embarrassing strings of spit connecting your lips, she said she was sorry. Probably the first time she had ever said that to someone, and you smiled.

“Sorry. It’s just… once your lips were on mine, I don’t think I can ever stop. I don’t wanna stop.”

And she kissed you again and it was all you ever wanted out of this life- to love and be loved, to hold and to be held, and it was all because of her.

—-

The welcome back campfire is your favorite time of year.

It’s when the camp comes alive, when the Gods themselves seem to return to this place- even Mr. D is a bit more lively with all the pure infectious energy running through the first few days of camp. Everyone’s getting settled, classes haven’t started quite yet, and the year round campers get a much needed break.

As much as you and Clarisse wanted to keep things private, when she punches someone in the middle of the pavilion for accidentally bumping into you, it’s not hard to figure out Clarisse cares for you more than she does anyone else.

And after one of your younger siblings, Cara, a 12-year-old notorious for staying up late, saw you and Clarisse kissing that first night- it spread like wildfire.

But it was the winter, so it still felt secret, until summer rolled around and Clarisse kept getting more and more annoyed by every camper who entered the gates. She would grab at you in the middle of meals, drag you into her bed, even kiss you in public- do all these things that seemed so out of character for her, but she was a different person when she was with you.

Everyone had been looking at you oddly all night, shocked, confused, even Clarisse has cracked a genuine smile at someone who dropped their drink- squeezing your hand.

Maybe they had all heard the rumors. Maybe they didn’t believe them.

But it’s all cleared up when Clarisse leads you to the best seat, the log not too far from the fire but not too close, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your temple.

Your cheeks heat up, only because Clarisse is never this touchy in public, and never around this many people before.

All of the eyes on you feel weird- they feel so judging.

And you’re not used to that, however vain it may be.

“Everyone’s staring at us,” you mumble, shuffling closer to Clarisse so your legs are pressed together.

She leans her head against your shoulder. “‘S okay. Don’t worry about ‘em, baby.”

You huff. “Did no one ever teach them it’s rude to stare, though? Like… c’mon.”

She sighs dramatically, lifting her head from your shoulder.

“Stop fuckin’ staring,” she says. Not quiet shouting, but her voice is loud and forceful. Her voice carries weight.

And eventually, at the risk of Clarisse’s wrath, all the wandering eyes stop.

A few of Clarisse’s siblings laugh from around you, commenting that the stares were getting a bit ridiculous, everyone just grateful that you all might get a little reprieve from the overwhelming stares and whispers.

But, you still feel uneasy. Clarisse kisses your shoulder.

And while you look around at the faces very pointedly not staring at you, there’s one person who still is. You roll your eyes, open your mouth to comment on it- but your mouth quickly snaps close at the sight of Alek.

—-

You don’t mention it to Clarisse. Maybe because breaking his heart haunts you, maybe what could have been haunts you.

You try not to think of Alek or that night, you try not to think of the entire age of 13. You always knew that Alek never quite let you go. He still sort of believed that the two of you would come back together- subscribing to some abstract belief soulmates.

You don’t think about Alek. Everything you do is because of her, because of Clarisse.

Sometimes, knowing you have secret admirers makes you feel all happy, but now that Clarisse sneaks you into her cabin every night- it makes you feel weird. You really don’t want anyone except for Clarisse, the idea of even being near someone else kinda disgusts you.

But, you choose to believe that maybe he was just shocked, and he’ll get over it in a few days.

You spend your days in the summer sun with Clarisse, holding her hand on walks through the strawberry fields, still using your archery lessons to spend time together, staring at each other from across the pavilion at meals, dreaming about a future together when it gets dark and you’re forced to whisper softly.

Alek is just always lurking. Is it coincidence? Is he stalking you? Every time you’re with Clarisse, trying to enjoy a nice date, he’s there- staring at you like a lovesick puppy.

And if it wasn’t because of her, you would probably be flattered. But you have Clarisse, you’ve moved on, you’re in love and happy.

It’s the late afternoon, you’re trying to enjoy a long moment with her, breathe in the sweet smell and just feel how happy you are, know it’s because of her.

The fields are still crowded with kids who pushed off their chores until the end of the day, so you and Clarisse stay on the outskirts. Not too far into the woods that’s filled with satyrs and nymphs who have grown very hostile towards any two campers who make their way into the woods. But not too close.

You don’t even register that other people are there. You’re going on about your annoying half-brother, she’s pretending to listen intently- but it’s just enough to be here with her, and at least she’s listening to the sound of your voice. At least that brings her some comfort, and that makes you feel good.

“And then, he said-” you trail off, feeling like something’s crawling all over you, practically being able to feel the anger in the air.

“Hm, what?” Clarisse asks, snapping out of her reverie at your silence.

Alek is glaring at you, of course. It just feels so juvenile. You had received letters from him for years- ones that he didn’t sign- but you knew. He said that the two of you had so much more to give together, that a second chance was all he needed to make you forget about the rite of passage, about pleasing your mother.

Clarisse squeezes your hand, leaning closer to you.

You used to like the feeling of getting those letters, of knowing you were loved and wanted. But now, with Clarisse, because of her- it feels wrong.

She follows your eye line and Alek quickly looks away, back down at the strawberries he’s supposed to be picking.

Clarisse’s hand tightens around yours.

“Who the hell is that?” she huffs.

You suck in a breath. “Alek.”

“Al-huh?”

You smile, despite how uneasy you feel.

“Alek, Clarisse. From my rite of passage?”

“Oh,” she nods, nose scrunching ever so slightly. “The one who left you those creepy letters? Has he left anymore?”

“No, no,” you say, risking one more glance at his back- just to assure yourself. Maybe you’re just making it all up. “Not since last summer. I mean, he was staring at us the night of the bonfire too, he’s always around on all our dates- it’s just creepy, at this point.”

“Sounds like the fucker has a death wish,” she drawls. “I’d be happy to help him with it.”

You bump her shoulder with yours. “Yeah, yeah Miss Violence.”

She smiles back, but she searches her eyes and you can tell she doesn’t like what she sees.

“Hey, c’mon. I’ll kill him if he pulls some shit again.”

“Clarisse.”

“Beat him up?”

“Clarisse.”

“Physically threaten him?”

“Clar-”

She smacks her hand over your mouth. “Shhh,” she smiles. “Don’t stress. I’ll take care of it.”

“Clarisse!” you shout, laughing, but her hand is still pressed tight over your moth.

“Oh, sorry, baby, I can’t hear you!”

“Bitch,” you hiss, and she frowns.

“Mean.”

—-

Clarisse, unfortunately, is true to her word.

Alek finally leaves you a note. It’s simple, unsigned, but obviously him. You recognize his chicken scratch scrawl.

All it says is:

I miss you, we could be something

She writes him a note back, a long one- first talking about all of her accomplishments as a daughter of Ares, then detailing all the ways she’ll make him regret thinking about you.

She tells you now, whispers in her bed, she laughs and your mouth hangs open.

“Clarisse!” you gasp, scolding her with a soft hit to her shoulder.

She rolls her eyes and moves closer to you.

“What else was I supposed to do? Ignore it? You don’t know me if you think I could just ignore some random dude flirting with my girlfriend. He’s a fuckin’ weirdo, and hopefully that note will teach him somethin’.”

“I mean. I doubt it will,” you mumble after a moment.

She smiles, your heart squeezes- because her smile is so beautiful- and because Clarisse never smiles like this. It’s bloodthirsty. It’s almost inhuman. It’s Godly.

“Then I’ll have to teach him in… other terms.”

—-

Dinner this evening is slow and relaxed. It’s Friday, so you’ve all made it to the end of the first official week of camp. Chiron let’s the rules fade away tonight, cabin tables have been abandoned and everyone sits where they want.

A few Hermes kids volunteered to start a fire, Mr D is busy trying to get the new kids to sneak him some alcohol- but he’s hard pressed to find ones who haven’t already been warned not to.

The energy in the air is infectious. The promise of a late wake up tomorrow, a fun night, the feeling of the moon and the fire, warmth on your skin- it’s a recipe for lowered inhibitions, for everything to come a little easier.

Clarisse sits next to you a table in the pavilion. You’re surrounded by Silena and Beckendorf, a few Hermes kids, a few Ares kids- a big mosh of random campers squeezed together at this one table- but it works, for whatever reason.

There’s nothing like laughing at someone’s shitty joke and feeling Clarisse laugh with you, pressed close to her so you can feel her chest rumble, feel her arm squeeze around you.

“He did what?!” Silena screeches, looking at you with wide eyes.

You laugh at her shock, at the audacity of Alek.

She sneaks a quick glance at Clarisse, who seems entirely engrossed in her siblings’ arm wresting tournament at the next table over.

“Yeah,” you sigh, feeling sort of complacent with it now. It’s not like anything will change. You’re here because of her, because of Clarisse. Everything you do is because of her.

Breathing, eating, sleeping. Basic human functions and the need to survive has only strengthened with the motivation of staying alive for her.

“Anyways,” you smile. “Clarisse left him back this big, long note. All about how she’s the strongest girl at camp,” you roll your eyes, but you’re smiling too big to be anything but joking. Besides, everyone knows she’s probably right. “And then threatened him a whole bunch. So, hopefully, he’ll just get his head out of his ass and then everything will be good again.”

You breathe out at the end of your small rant, and Silena smiles sympathetically.

“Hopefully,” she echoes.

But, because of Clarisse, because of her arms around you, you don’t feel anything but peace.

—-

Of course, life is not straightforward for demigods.

At the end of the day, you’re doomed to fall in your parents footsteps- except there is no immortality for you to fall back on. You’re vain and you’re proud, just like your parents, and you step too far, jump too high, and you’re as left dust on the floor.

Even though the same path had been left out for you to repeat, doomed footsteps to follow in, you step where they stepped and expect a different end.

The night is pitch black, besides for the brilliant stars and the bright, bright moon. It makes everything feel so private and secret. It makes Clarisse relax, makes her hold you closer but looser.

It feels good to feel her arm loose around you. She’s not afraid of you disappearing, because she knows of someone dragged you away you would rise up from the waves and straight back into her, into her arms.

The Apollo kids are playing music, voices hum along, the night is on fire with the crackles and the rising smoke, on fire with the peace, the content.

It feels like nothing can hurt you here.

But you’re a demigod, and life is not that easy.

The seat next to you is abandoned, and you barely even take notice as it’s quickly filled again- but you take notice of the eyes on you, of the body leaning forward to speak softly to you.

The fact that he’s here, the fact that he blatantly didn’t listen- you suppose you could have felt some sympathy for before, craving a life that wasn’t his anymore. Living off of memories made him too hungry.

Your mouth presses into a thin line as you recognize the voice in your ear.

“Y/N, I jus’ wanna talk.”

The rest of the table has fallen silent, and you realize everyone had almost immediately taken notice of his entrance- and you could tell by the way Clarisse’s body was tense against yours- he would regret ever coming over here.

“Clarisse,” you mumble, shifting closer to her.

She hooks her head over her shoulder, shifting completely so she’s straddling the bench, pressed up against your back.

Her tone is genuinely confused.

“Are you, like, okay in the head?”

The table, previously silent with fear, now bubbles with forced laughter.

“It’s not of your business,” Alek says, staring directly into your eyes. You feel like a deer caught in headlights, just completely shocked, too scared to move like it will all become real.

Clarisse puts her hand on your forehead and floats it down across your face, and your eyes voluntarily flutter shut.

“You’re not even worthy of being looked at by her,” and you can hear the smile on her voice. She confidence seeping from her pores- you can feel it all with the way she’s protectively wrapped around you.

“Y/N,” he says again, ignoring her through gritted teeth. “I just want to talk.”

“If you say one more fuckin’ word to my girlfriend I’m gonna kill you.”

There’s no smile on her voice, no edge of a joke. Not even angry. She’s deathly calm. She’s focused, like a 20 pound weight sinking to the bottom of the sea. She cuts through whatever she has to and everything else knows to avoid her.

You don’t know why the hell Alek just can’t let the 13 year old version of you go, why he’s looking something where there’s nothing, and you’re just so done with all of this.

You open your eyes, sitting up, letting Clarisse’s arms fall around you in confusion.

“Alek,” you start, softly. “We dated for a month when we were 13. That’s all it was, that’s all it’s ever gonna be. It’s over, okay?”

“Exactly,” he breathes. “A month when we were 13- and we were that good together? We could do so much more now, I wanna show you.”

“Okay, I’m done,” you mumble, standing up.

And without you in between, Alek finally gets a good look at the daughter of war. She’s pure, streamlined muscle. Every inch of her body has been meticulously trained to kill monsters- Alek knows that killing him would be easy.

Clarisse cracks her knuckles and you almost laugh at how cinematic it is.

—-

You hum as you run the alcohol pad over her split knuckles. Clarisse likes to leave the scars like this, the small ones, let them heal on her own. Even though she winces at the feeling, you know she’ll be walking around, proudly showing off her scabs until they finally fade away. She’ll cross her fingers and hope they scar, probably.

Clarisse watches you with admiration, admiring your movements, your voice, even though you’re really not doing anything special. But, to her, everything you do is special.

“Did you see how bad his face was?” she asks, trying to remain calm, but eagerness slips into her voice.

“I did,” you laugh. “It was real bad, baby. Good job.”

She huffs, as if it’s common knowledge.

“I always do a good job, just matters what level of good I’m on. I think this was one of my best works though, huh?”

She admires her split knuckles and you roll your eyes, finally starting to put some bandaids on the clean wounds.

“You’re crazy,” you mutter.

She shrugs. “You’re the one who let me. You’re the one who loves me.”

“Yeah,” you mumble after a moment, not really wanting to lie to her, tease her right now. She smiles soft and sweet, placing her fingertips against your jawline and leaning forward.

“Did you like watching me?” she breathes, her low voice hitting you right in the stomach, breath against your lips.

You circle her biceps with your hands and run them up and down the tense muscle.

“You know I did.”

“Three months no dessert,” she smiles.

“Three months of sharing with you,” you laugh. She smiles wider before finally, mercifully, putting her lips on yours.

Everything you do is because of Clarisse. It feels so good to be close to her like this- practically in her lap- fo feel how strong she is, to know what she did for you today.

It feels so good to know she loves you.

When you pull away, trying to chase her, she dodges you and kisses your jawline, your neck, and you throw your head back and release the most unladylike sounds as she leaves hickies on your neck, seemingly determined to make them as dark as possible, as easy to see. And a lot of them.

“Jealous?” you say, biting your lip to keep in a moan.

“Just want everyone to know you’re my girl. Want everyone to know who makes you feel good, feel loved, huh?”

You stomach twists and your mind goes blank.

“Huh?” she repeats, sticking her face in your neck to breathe in and out, catching her breath. “Why you feelin’ like this, baby?”

“Because of you,” you breathe. “Because of you, Clarisse.”

—-

y/n walking around the next day looking like she got attacked by a vampire

silena trying to be happy for y’all but also concerned for your health

clarisse just being proud as hell

—-

this was small so idk if y’all picked it up but clarisse was jealous before alek even came along- jealous that there were more campers coming! like? she just doesn’t like unworthy losers looking at her girl 🙄

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possessive!clarisse i love you so much baby

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue x you #pjo tv show #pjo x reader

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jjongslutz · 6 months

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이희승 HEESEUNG 💋 911! I'VE BEEN A BAD GIRL [ MDNI. ]

IN WHICH there's nothing hotter than a man in a cop uniform. there's nothing more sexually frustrating than when he's never at home in said cop uniform

WARNINGS ⨯ fem!reader, cop kink (?), Men In Uniforms, hard dom!heeseung x brat!reader, spanking (flogger & hand), orgasm denial, handcuffs, use of pet names & name calling (bunny, doll, baby, slut, whore), sex toys (dildo, vibrator)

WORD COUNT ⨯ 2.9k

AUTHOR'S NOTE . . . this stems from that one trend where ppl stand next to cops to that one lana del rey song lolz 🙏

"911, what's your emergency?"

You smirk as you hear the familiar voice spill through the phone.

"Oh, officer, I'm in big trouble." Your hand traces the black lace barely covering your skin rhythmically with your words.

"Alright, can you explain your situation to me?"

You put on your best impression of an innocent doll from a 60s movie. “Oh, officer…” You let your voice trail off, wrapping your hair around your finger. “I’ve been a bad girl.”

The man on the other end of the line hesitates. He recognizes your voice. You smirk. “Y/N.” His voice is stronger than before, but has no telling emotion. You sit quietly. “

“I miss you so much,” you whine. Simultaneously, your fingers find their way past your black lingerie, fingering lightly at your clit. You moan into the line.

Heeseung tuts. You hear shuffling from the other side before he comes back to the phone. “Don’t fucking touch yourself until I get home.” Then, more quietly, but with a hint of mischief. “Don’t be a dumb slut and get off while I’m not there. Or I’ll make you regret it.”

Heat flushes throughout your body, spreading to your fingertips simply resting against your cunt. You retract them in fear and excitement of what he’s planning to do with you.

After a few moments, you hum lamely, and the line clicks shut.

Now, all there is to do is wait.

You get to the bedroom and it proves to be more difficult than you thought as heat rushes to your core. Heeseung’s scent lingers in the air from before he left, the sheets feeling the ghost of his warmth, even though you know that’s just in your mind.

Lying down against the mattress, you spread your arms to feel the soft material tickle your skin. You turn to touch your cheek against the blanket, but your eye catches onto a silver glint coming from the closet.

Your eyes widen when you creep up to it, realizing Heeseung went shopping without your knowing.

A bright pink dildo stands tauntingly still in its box. It doesn't take much for you to shut down any internal debates before ripping it out of its confinement and getting yourself settled with it on the bed again.

You lather a generous amount of lube on the toy, stopping yourself from drooling at the size of it. With one hand, you force your legs apart while the other guides the dildo to your needy hole.

The stretch feels so good that you let yourself soak in it for a moment, feeling how deeply it goes into you. It touches everywhere you need it most and more, you're certain you could cum just from this. But you won't limit yourself.

You start pushing it in and out, soon enough developing a rhythm that you meet with your rolling hips.

It feels so good you don't even hear the click of the door unlocking, nor the footsteps which follow it all the way to the bedroom.

“Oh, bunny,” Heeseung says with a teasingly disappointed tone. “You couldn’t wait until I got home?”

His voice makes you instinctively close your legs, a poor attempt at hiding what you're doing despite a part in you deep down wishing for him to see it all. In the movement, the dildo slips from your hands and lands somewhere on the mattress where Heeseung can clearly see it. His eyes darken.

“Found your present early, didn't you, bunny?” You whimper at his taunts, but force yourself to nod confidently.

You whine. “You’re always away, sir…” Putting on your best doe eyes, you try to ignore the effect Heeseung’s hard gaze has on your core, making your insides twitch. “Don’t you want me to feel good when you're gone?”

Suddenly, Heeseung crawls up to you onto the bed and sinks two fingers into your wet hole. You gasp at the intrusion. “This—” He emphasizes it by curling his fingers. “—belongs to me. I make you feel good. Not some stupid toy.”

Nodding weakly, you resist the urge to moan dejectedly as he slips his hand out.

“Fucking slut,” he mutters. “Couldn't even wait until I get changed?”

You can’t help the whimper that escapes you.

Heeseung notices it, too. His lips curl into a menacing smirk, his eyes gleaming with passion at the idea that sparks in his mind. “Oh… does my pretty little slut like my uniform?”

You nod, but he doesn't take it.

“Use your words.”

“Yes, sir.”

His hand reaches into his belt compartment. “Maybe I should put it to good use then. Wouldn't you like that bunny?” He pulls out a silver pair of handcuffs, with a click! they open invitingly. “Put your hands behind your back, whore.”

As much as your pussy begs for you to listen to him, make this all go faster, you stop yourself. You want to have some fun. “No.”

Heeseung raises a brow. “No?”

“No.” You shake your head to stand your ground. Then, more teasingly, “No, sir.”

Your boyfriend lets out a venomous laugh, his tongue running over his bottom lip before he bites it. His eyes make you fear he’s going to pounce on you, but excite you in hopes that he actually will.

“I said,” he clarifies, stepping onto the bed again, hovering over your body. “Put your hands—” He grabs both wrists into one hand and pulls them up and over your head. “—behind your back.” You squeal as he uses his grip as leverage to toss you over, rolling you onto your stomach. Heeseung pulls your arms down and clicks the handcuffs shut around them. “You naughty little slut.”

Your face is buried in the mattress, and he makes sure of it by the way he shoves it down to make you focus on the feeling of his hand tracing your waistline. “I’m sorry, sir,” you attempt.

He tuts. “You’ll show me how fucking sorry you are.”

You know what that’s code for. The way he fumbles around in the bedside drawer is just further confirmation. Your ears perk up at the sound of him pulling out the flogger.

He runs the toy through his fingers, then traces your back with it. You flinch when he suddenly puts two fingers under the hand of your lace bra and snaps it against your skin. “You have the right to remain silent.” Heeseung leans to your ear, whispering in a breathy tone which tickles your skin. He pulls at your head to lift your face to his. “I’m going to spank you ten times, okay? And you aren't going to make a single noise. Every time you do, that’s another two. Got it?”

The flogger dances over your lace-panties and the skin exposed below it, a shiver running down your spine at the contact. You conceal a yelp when the first slap comes crashing.

“That’s one,” Heeseung announces.

Slap! “Two.”

“Three—” And another. “Four.”

You can already feel your skin reddening from where the toy hit you. It hurts so good. You wish more than anything you could tell him, but you bite your lip to keep from it.

That proves to not be enough when he suddenly switches from the soft but stinging flogger to direct and harsh contact from his hand.

“Ah—” The sound escapes before you can realize it's coming out. You try to cover your mouth, only to remember your hands are tied behind your back, so it’s nothing but a pathetic attempt.

Heeseung squeezes the skin he just slap, pinching at it. “Stupid slut can’t stay quiet?” He slaps once, then twice, quickly. It stings and weak breathes get caught in your throat. Thankfully, he doesn't focus on those. “Six. Seven,” he calls them. “Five more ‘cause you’re a whore who can't keep her mouth shut like I asked her to.”

You’re able to resist making any more after that, biting down so hard on your lip you’re surprised it's still intact. Not that you think you or Heeseung would mind.

“Twelve.” Heeseung rubs circles on the reddened skin, your body twitching sensitively underneath his touch. After setting aside the flogger, he crawls back up your body to lean and whisper against your ear. His thumb wipes across your cheek and you only realize then that you started crying. “Pretty.”

A shiver runs down your spine as Heeseung’s warm hands make their way to your thighs, spreading them apart for full access. You flush at the feeling of your hole desperately clenching on nothing.

Heeseung laughs. “Does my whore miss my cock?” he teases. “Show me how much you want my cock stuffing you full, bunny.”

“Please, sir!” You put on the niceties in hopes of helping your case. “I need it so bad, sir.”

It doesn't do much.

Instead of hearing the sweet sound of him unzipping his pants, Heeseung shuffles with your panties and pulls them off. Then, he reaches to your other side and grabs the dildo you discarded earlier.

He circles the you around your sopping hole to lather it up, before pushing it in without warning. Without time to adjust, either, Heeseung starts pulling it in and out of your pussy in a rhythmic pattern.

You can barely let out breaths at his speed, forced to moan with every thrust of the toy. It touches everywhere it did before, but infinitely better now that Heeseung’s controlling it. You want to stay like this forever and be right over the edge of coming undone under his touch.

The warmth you’re so familiar with and aching for burns from inside you and Heeseung can clearly sense it. He smirks behind you, placing his hand on the small of your back.

“You wanna cum?”

“Yes, sir,” you whimper between breaths.

He’s not satisfied. “What was that?”

“Yes, sir!” you say louder, breaking out into a moan as he pushes the dildo deeper, hitting your g-spot head on. “Please sir, please sir!”

“Since you asked so nicely,” he replies. You prepare to ride your high, but all of the pleasure is ripped away from you when Heeseung pulls the toy completely out of you, placing it tauntingly on the nightstand by your left.

You start to whine, but he cuts you off.

“Don’t be a brat, I’m giving you what you want.” He tuts as he starts to undo your handcuffs. A wave of relief washes over you as you can finally relax your wrists. “You’ve been a very bad girl, Y/N, you’re lucky I’m not locking you up all night.”

In a moment, he flips you over and straddles your hips to redo the handcuffs once more. You’ve grown accustomed to the burn of the silver against your arms that you can't do more than let out a shallow breath as he pulls it through the headboard and safely attaches your arms. Slowly, wearing an intense gaze, Heeseung stands up and admires his work.

Finally, you get a proper look at him.

There’s nothing particular about his uniform, but he makes it look so good you want to rip it right off of him. His belt tightens around his waist just right, holding all kinds of tools and weapons he might need on the job. You bite your lip at the buttons undone at the base of his collar, exposing just enough skin to not leave much to the imagination. His badge shines against the light reflecting from the mirror, catching your eye in the light of it.

Heeseung smirks. “How do you want it, bunny?”

You forget to answer. The way his muscles stretch the fabric around his biceps has you breathing deeply, wishing you could bite down on them, or even have them around your neck.

“Bunny,” Heeseung says more firmly. “I asked you a question.”

Now, you’re playing into the way his deeper, stricter voice makes you feel. The power he holds over you makes your insides twist. You squirm under his hardened gaze.

“I’m sor—” Your eyes slip down his body subconsciously. His bulge is obvious through his tight pants.

“Oh?” Heeseung raises a brow teasingly and bends to meet your lowered eyes. When your gazes meet again, his lips curl upward. “You don’t want the toy anymore? You seemed pretty desperate, using it like the whore you are before I gifted it. Do you think you deserve my cock? Is that what you want, slut?”

You nod, dazed. “Yes…” He eyes you. “Sir."

He doesn't reach down to unzip his pants like you want. He makes his way across the room to the closet and pulls out another box you haven't seen before. Raising a brow, he shakes it for your focus.

“Another gift?” you test.

He hums cryptically, playing around with the tap and pulling out an unfamiliar device. “Comes pre-charged,” he says contently. He presses a button and the toy starts to buzz in his hand.

A vibrator. Oh no.

He puts it on the lowest setting before nudging it between your legs. “Spread your legs a little before I have to force them apart.”

Your legs slowly move away, but not fast enough for him. Heeseung harshly grabs onto your thigh and spreads them open. You’re embarrassed at the sight of your desperate cunt, most likely red in desire.

“Beautiful,” he whispers, leaning in to give it a gentle kiss before placing the torture device—vibrator—right onto your clit.

Thankfully, he gets up to unzip his pants next. He pulls them down just enough to let his hardened cock spring free. It’s leaking at the tip, a glistening glazed white that you want to wrap your mouth around and lap up with your tongue. You let out a breath, trying to hold yourself together and rip away from the headboard you're handcuffed to.

Heeseung strokes it twice or thrice, but doesn't waste time in crawling toward you and aligning it with your mouth. He taunts you, holding it just out of reach for you to wrap your lips around it, but close enough to paint your mouth with his pre-cum. You lap your tongue over his leak desperately.

He laughs above you before shoving it in without warning. “Fuck,” he groans, going for a harsh thrust. “So tight. You take me so well.”

Impatience laces his thrusts, sporadically hitting the back of your throat. You try to steady yourself, head spinning from the vibrations on your cunt, twisting your wrists to grip onto the headboard, your fingers brushing against Heeseung’s which use the bed frame for the same reason.

He huffs from above. “Were you made for this? Is that why you take me so good? Whore, fuck, so good.”

Rolling back your eyes, you mewl at his words, choking back on his cock, but Heeseung doesn't mind. His hand comes down from the headboard to grip the back of your head, forcing it forward to take you deeper.

“Shit, I’m not gonna last—” He groans and curses under his breath, speeding up his movements with no remorse. “You wanna taste my cum? Feel it down your throat? Is that what a slut like you wants?”

Inside. Inside. Come inside me! Your mind screams. You moan against his cock and furrow your brows at the feeling of it hitting your throat.

The vibrations send Heeseung over the edge, making him double over the headboard and let out a melodic groan as his seed spills out of your mouth. Your head follows his movements as he slips his dick out of your mouth, only stopping at the resistance from your hands still tied to the bed frame. You settle with focusing on his movements.

With one hand, Heeseung strokes his cock over your torso, milking himself dry, producing the most beautiful sounds. Your eyes flutter shut for a moment, but you force yourself to keep them open.

His other hand snakes down to the vibrator still comfortably nestled on your clit at an easy-to-take setting. He pumps it up two or three, you’re not sure, but it's enough to have your legs shaking and send you over the edge in seconds.

You moan out his name, your pussy soaking itself in your juices.

“Good girl,” Heeseung says, leaning in to give you a soft kiss on your forehead and reach up to undo the handcuffs. He places them safely on the side table and your wrists are finally able to breathe.

Still catching your actual breath, through dazed eyes, you take another look at Heeseung as he pulls up and redoes his pants. He lays down next to you, comfortably landing in your hold.

“You don't wear all of that when you’re just taking calls, do you?”

He looks away bashfully, as if a completely different person from the one pounding into you a few minutes ago. “No…” he says. “I thought you might like it—”

You cut him off with a kiss.

When you separate, you giggle, “I really like it.” Your hand glides down to his belt and hooks onto the buckle. “I really like it.”

He wiggles away from your hold. “Don’t start again, you won't be able to walk.”

“Maybe that's what I want.” Then, for extra measure, you add, “Sir.”

All he does is roll his eyes and playfully scoff at you as he gets up again. “Consider yourself lucky,” he says, retreating to the bathroom for a wet cloth to clean you up.

Or, to get the other toys you have stored in there.

You can only hope for the best.

 JJONGSLUTZ 2023

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medicinal-doll · 9 months

Text

Hurt.

Daddy!Henry x little!reader

Summary: You only wanted to make a simple home cooked meal for your husband but after a recent accident his cautious nature decides to make itself known.

Warnings: Fluff, love bombing, babying, kisses,petnames,injury,hint at ddlg themes,slight Dom/sub dynamic

A/N I hope this helps a bit anon

*Please don't repost without permission If you use my writing as inspiration please ask first and credit me*

..............

You try to ignore your husband's looming eyes on your body. ever since he got home from work...no.. ever since the accident he's been acting as if you're made of glass.

"Let me get that for you sweetie" A strong dominant hand encircles your waist keeping you firm as Henry reaches over your head. grabbing the pasta box from the high shelf.

And now you're frowning in the corner. not only watching him start to cook the meal you planned, but every now and then he gives you a sympathetic smile.

You stand there arms crossed with a pout trying to work up the courage to say something. to tell him that you're far from helpless, and that you can take care of yourself even though you're healing.

But you know that argument would just fall on deaf ears. Henry babied you before you hurt your back. but now, apparently you can't even manage to make dinner without his assistance and under his watchful eye.

You wait until his attention is turned to stirring the basil ridden spaghetti sauce before you sneak out of the luxurious kitchen and make your way to the wine cellar. You scan the dusty shelves looking for the perfect taste to take your mind off of your overbearing husband and the dull ache of your spine when you finally see it.

The 1942 bottle of sauvignon blanc. only it's netted to an old wooden crate. fueled by determination and denial of your altered state you instantly crouch down. gripping the handles of the crate and start applying force as your husband's warnings ring a faint lullaby in the back of your mind.

You pull your hardest with all your might before a sharp seething hot pain shoots through you. causing an involuntary drop of the heavy box with a thud and a loud cry of pain.

"Shit!"

You drop to the floor as you caress your back in anguish.

And not a moment later do you hear heavy rushed footsteps come flying down the cellar stairs. finding yourself scooped up within an instant cradled in a protective embrace. You look up to meet Henry's panicked eyes as his irises wander your form looking for any sign of further injury.

"Are you alright honey?.." he looks at you with a sincere gaze as he brushes away your hair to get a good read on your expression.

But as embarrassment starts to settle in. you just give one simple nod as you feel your tears well up. clinging to his chest for comfort, sniffling lightly in shame.

Henry sighs, his concerned expression slightly settling. relieved that you're okay but then his brows furrow as he takes on a more stern look. taking a hold of your chin as he makes you face him hesitantly.

"Look at me babygirl..." He says in that gentle tone he knows you're weak for. shyly you look up at him your face still guilt ridden as ever.

"you're hurt honey" he says gently not wanting to lecture you too harshly.

"So now... You need to be a good girl and let your daddy take care of you, Okay?"

He feels his heart flutter as he watches your little eyes cling on to his every word.

"Papa knows how big and strong you are...and I love that. but now you need to stop being so stubborn and let me take care of you"

"that's what I'm here for angel" he nuzzles your face and you can't help the giggle that slips.

You pout at your husband feeling self conscious of your silly behavior and needless display of false strength. You bury your head into his soothing chest as you feel him carefully lift your feeble form from the ground.

.........

Settling onto the soft bed he seats you on his lap. gently rocking you back and forth. making sure to avoid shifting your injury as he places sweet kisses on your forehead and against your temple.

You meld so easily into his warm and comforting presence. relishing in the delicious concoction of his natural pheromones and faint cologne.

"I love you so much sweetie"

His big hands roam your body lovingly. caressing you from your soft thighs to your hips.then finally nestling around your ribcage delicately pulling you closer to his chest.

"Stay here and relax for me honey" he leans down giving you a deep passionate kiss to the lips. you whimper lightly savouring the softness and the light tickle of his facial hair.

"I promise i'll wake you when dinner's finished" he says in a low accent cuddling you close to him.You nod absentmindedly, not having it in you to prove your strength anymore. only wanting to be good for him now.

Grabbing at his collar for one last tender kiss. He then hushes you under the sheets. whispering his love and adoration for you. before leaving you to rest that pretty little head of yours.

#x little!reader #henry cavill x reader #daddy!henry #henry cavill x female reader #daddy!henry cavill x little!reader #henry cavill x little!reader #henry cavill fluff

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tommydarlings · 10 months

Text

Dark Paradise | s.v

pairing: dark!ex!mean!dom!rbr!seb x sub!reader

warning: dark, stalking, psychotic behaviour, obsessive behaviour, smut, cnc, dacryphilia, chocking, spitting, bondage, inappropriate usage of tape, orgasm denial

w/c: 1.3k

summary: After successfully getting away from your crazy ex boyfriend, you thought that you never have to see him again…you were definitely wrong — and you’ve noticed that as soon as you woke up with tape tightly bound around your wrists and a familiar man standing next to your bed in the middle of the night. | Read 'Part 1' here !

check this out: my masterlist <3 // my ko-fi to support me! <3 // my PayPal to support me! <3 // my Patreon to become a member! (get access to +45 works) <3 // Save a Life carrd made by me!

song suggestion: Dark Paradise by Lana del Rey

You desperately tried to get away from him as you wildly moved your body from side to side and, luckily, after a few seconds of non stop trashing around in his grasp, his arms loosened themselves around your waist.

With a heavy sigh, you took all the strength that you’ve got and hit him with your elbow in his ribs, making him groan before he dropped your figure. And you didn’t waste a single second, immediately running towards the door, throwing it open and taking off, just running away from him, that was your only thought at that time.

- - -

“One room for one night please,” you mumbled nervously to the lady at the reception. She gave you a slightly concerned look but still didn’t hesitate to give you the key.

After running for quite a long time already, you coincidentally came face to face with a tiny hotel and with one last glance behind you, you sighed before you entered the small building.

And now finally laying in bed with your limbs stretched out and deep breaths escaping your mouth, you were only able to silently pray that your ex boyfriend, Sebastian, didn’t follow you.

- - -

You groaned as you weren’t able to reach the tiny button to turn the lamp next to you off but after almost falling out of bed, you reached it and turn the little lamp that was placed on the old nightstand off. With a sigh, you put the soft blanket over your body and closed your eyes, desperately trying to fall asleep now.

But you were only able to turn, turn and turn. There was no way that you were able to fall asleep tonight even though you knew that you were safe here.

The last position that you found yourself in after turning like a mad women, was with your back towards the door and with your face facing the small window in the room.

And after multiple minutes of just staring at the small, white, window, you were able to fall asleep.

But that sleep didn’t last long.

After most probably not even four hours, you woke up again, this time on your stomach. But this time there was also the little lamp on your nightstand turned on again, making the room a bit brighter.

You groaned again and furrowed your brows since you could have sworn to yourself that you turned the lamp off but didn’t think about it to much.

But what you definitely though about was the fact that you couldn’t move your hands. It almost felt like they were… tied together.

And when you raised your head to look at your wrists, you were right, they were restrained with a thick layer of black tape, making it completely unable for you to move them.

You gulped before you felt the tears entering your wide eyes, quickly raising your head and immediately catching the gaze of the person you so desperately tried to escape.

Your ex boyfriend, Sebastian.

While tears were slowly running down your temple, you sniffled as you saw him looking down at you with his arms crossed, smirk over his soft lips.

“S-Sebastian, let me g-go…please-”

But he slowly shook his head as he bit his bottom lip, “No, no, no and no! You’ve ran away from me! Twice already! I won’t make that mistake again to let you run out of my life, liebling,” darling. he stated.

You gasped as you felt his hand stroking your wet cheek, wiping some of the tears away while he put his other hand on your now trashing wrists that were bound together.

He briefly chuckled, “Don’t do that, sweetheart,” Sebastian said, ”Shhh, it’s okay…I am here.”

You had to bite back a laugh, “Yeah, t-that’s the p-problem.”

Sebastian's smirk faded, his eyes quickly darkened again as he heard your words. And in a matter of only a few seconds, he grabbed your by your waist, turned you around so you were laying on your stomach and put his weight on you, both hands now playing with your underwear.

“No!” You cried out, “Get o-off of me, you s-sick bastard!” But it was no use, he was visibly stronger and had way more power over you at the moment. Sebastian only smiled before he pushed your underwear to the side, exposing your pussy.

“Stop it, liebling,” Sebastian mumbled, “It’s not like I haven’t seen all of this before,” he told you in a deep tone before you felt his fingertips gliding through your folds, slowly entering your wet cunt.

He hummed, “For the fact that you want me to get off of you, you are pretty wet, darling.”

You gasped as soon as he thrusted his long fingers in and out of you, whining every time he almost completely removed from your pussy, and then shoved them knuckles deep back in, making you see stars.

Sebastian quickly leaned down and spit on your pussy, letting it run down until it reached your entrance, briefly removing his fingers and stuffing his warm spit into you cunt while you moaned into the sheets.

He tilted his head to the side while he put his other hand on the back of your neck, forcing the left side of your face even further into the white bedsheets. You looked up at him with furrowed brows, “Don’t act like you don’t like it, because I can feel that you do.”

You whined as he went faster, making you squeeze your eyes shut, letting a few tears run down your red cheeks.

“Almost forgot how you feel around my fingers, baby,” Sebastian groaned, “Feels almost better than before my love, still so tight and wet.”

His big hand left the back of your neck and as soon as you felt his big palm gliding away from your delicate skin, you started trash your bound wrists around again, repeatedly screaming and whining into the sheets while his finger movements didn’t stop.

Sebastian angrily bit his lip before he slammed his palm down onto your wrists, harshly pressing them against the swell of your bum and making it unable for you to move them again.

“Stop. Resisting. Me,” the German above you told you in a deep and harsh tone. You squeezed your eyes shut again as you felt your orgasm approaching you, sighing as the tears didn’t stop. “N-No,” you answered before you whined.

Sebastian tilted his head to the side, “No?”

You tried to bite back a moan as you started to clench around his fingers, “No,” you shook your head.

The blonde man above your shaking figure only chuckled, “Oh liebling, you were never good at shutting up, now were you?” He stated before he swiftly removed his fingers from your begging pussy, making you gasp and cry out into the tear stained bedsheets.

“N-No, please! Please, s-sebastian!” You whined in a high pitched tone as you heard him sucking his two fingers off, groaning and moaning at your taste.

He put both of his hands onto your bound wrists now, holding them down, knowing you would probably start to trash them around again. “Please what, my love?”

You sniffled while a few tears ran down your temple and cheeks, “Please l-let me cum, b-baby,” you whined.

He laughed, “baby?” Furrowing his brows in a funny way, “Since when am I your baby again, sweetheart? Be honest, you're only calling me baby now because you're a little slut that just wants to cum, am I right?”

After a few seconds, you slowly shook your head.

Sebastian didn’t say anything for a while, he only removed one his hands from your wrists and put it in your hair, forcing your head upwards into the air.

“Don’t lie to me,” he harshly whispered from behind, making you gasp.

You gulped before you nodded.

“Yeah? Am I right?” You just continued to nod, not saying a single word.

“Perfect.” Your ex muttered before he leaned forward and kissed your shoulder.

#fanfic #fem!reader #fanfiction #f1 #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel x you #sebastian vettel imagine #sebastian vettel smut #sebastian vettel #rbr seb x reader #rbr #rbr!sebastian vettel x reader

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cellophaine · 11 months

Note

i dont know if you listen to lana del rey but MATT MURDOCK AND SAD GIRL BY LANA DEL REY

i need a fic based on this like i have been listening to it non stop and i cant stop thinking on him so a matt murdock angst fic with fluff with a lil smut?

Sad Girl

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, angst, smut.

Author's Note: This fic is brought to you by delusion and denial. The song has a big influence, but I made a few tweaks. Italics are flashbacks.

To Anon: yes I do listen to Lana! Quite religiously 🫣 If you read through the fic names in my masterlist, you'll see some of Lana's song titles.

Share and feedback are welcomed!

GIF Credit

"Sooo … how's it going with the guy you're seeing?"

Over the rim of your cup, you cast your watchful eyes at your friend as you took a sip of your steamed drink. Mindy's inquisitive gaze bored into you, pawing and prodding at the film of protection you projected on the particular topic. You had expected her to ask about Matt since that was where you left off the last time you saw her three months ago, even though she was your closest friend. The way you left it wasn't positive in your friend's eyes, so this time, she was adamant about the two of you catching up. You couldn't hide from her anymore, even if you tried.

You bit into the side of your cheek before releasing it; your eyes briefly darted away from Mindy's face before answering.

"It's… good."

Mindy arched a brow at your drawn-out 'good', waiting patiently as she expected you to divulge.

"It's really good. Same old, you know?"

She nodded, her eyes slightly narrowed in a way that seldomly meant something good.

"Does that mean you're still stuck in the … grey area?"

You placed your drink down a little harsher than necessary, striking a sharp sound on the delicate saucer.

"I'm not 'stuck'. It's not even a grey area; it's black and white. I chose this."

She had struck a nerve, and you didn't want to admit that to yourself.

"So you chose to be in an ambiguous relationship with a man who doesn't seem to care that much about you? Who only hits you up when he needs someone to warm his bed?"

Your casual, friends-with-benefits relationship with Matt had gone on for well over eight months. At the very beginning, you both agreed on strictly no strings attached. He would come over, you would fuck, and at the end, he would leave. It started out as a once-in-a-while thing, then once a week, and now it had almost become a nightly basis. Your closet stored some of his comfy and formal clothes, your bathroom cabinet held his own hygiene items, and your pantry was stocked with his favourite teas. Matt had slept over so often that you felt like your place was his, too. Even your first aid kit got an upgrade as you equipped it with stuff you wouldn't need yourself so you could be more prepared for any injuries he might have. You knew Matt was Daredevil, knowing the danger he might face every night. It wasn't something he could hide from you. Not for as long as Matt tried to, anyway. After your discovery of Daredevil and Matt's acceptance of the fact that you knew, you started patching him up when his nights got rough, and he began to ask for your help more often. On those nights when his injuries weren't so grave, his fucking would get rougher as the extension of his waning wrath.

"No! You're wrong. It's not like that at all. He cares about me …."

You trailed off when the doubt crept in, making you unsure of yourself. Mindy caught on to your hesitation and gave you a concerned gaze. You couldn't help it, but you wanted to prove your friend wrong. After all, it only happened three weeks ago, and the memory was still fresh in your mind.

Your boss was in a particular mood that day. He scrapped the entirety of your careful research and made you go down the police station all the way in Brooklyn to obtain the paper documents yourself. You barely made it out of work and into a cab before eleven, slouching in the back seat as the toll of the day took over. Your feet ached from the heels, and your body was riddled with tension. You were so exhausted that once you came home, you headed straight for the shower to wash off the grime and sweat; the melody of your wind chime outside on the fire escape didn't even register in your ears. After the much-needed cleanse, you settled on the couch with greasy takeout and put on your show. You didn't even notice how the wind chime had gone quiet, turning into a gentle tune momentarily before three dull knocks on the window pane startled you.

Your attention turned to the window, recognizing the silhouette outside. You only realized then that you had forgotten to take the wind chime in – the form of communication you used to signal that you were waiting for him. The melody had almost become a permanent fixture on your fire escape. You hurried to the window and ushered Matt in.

"Sorry, I totally forgot that you were coming."

You felt guilty of your own forgetfulness for giving him a false signal, but a small part of you didn't. You wanted him to stay, but you couldn't bring yourself to ask him to. It felt like a violation of your agreement. And yet, you desperately did not want to be alone that night. All the turmoil in your head quickly evaporated as Matt closed the distance, discarding his mask before he reached you and pulled you in by your waist. He planted a hungry kiss on your lips, slowly smouldering to a lingering touch. You would be lying if you said his impatience didn't turn you on. You pulled away from him, feeling embarrassed when you remembered the chow mein you had, but Matt didn't seem to mind.

"What was that for?"

Your eyes drank in the messed up hair, the glossy unsighted eyes focused a lower point on your face, and the easy smile tugged at a corner of his plump, just-kissed lips. Everything added to the boyish charm you had come to love.

"It's been a while since I last saw you. I missed you."

His confession and the way he said it with a soft smirk made you melt. Matt wasn't one for sentimental statements, but when he was in the mood for it, he always knew how to make you weak in the knees. No matter how true the admission was, he knew you knew that this was no more than a casual arrangement. Crossing the boundaries was something of a figment.

"It's only been three days."

"I know. And I still missed you all the same."

He stepped even closer, slotting one leg between your open stance before slanting his lips over yours. You couldn't help but lean into the kiss and moan; your body arched into his embrace out of second nature. His soft lips found the pulse on your neck and sucked, marking the smooth skin there as if he deemed that it was missing his mark. His hands started pulling on your clothes, making your mind run wild with the possibilities of the night. But your muscles' cry for rest was louder. For the second time that night, you gingerly pulled away from his warm embrace, and the crestfallen look on his face once you had distanced yourself almost made you regret it.

"Is something wrong?"

He asked gently. None of the whining and all of the genuine concern. You sighed, running your hands over your face.

"It's not you. It's me. I had a pretty … shitty day at work, and I … I don't feel like doing this right now."

You quickly added.

"I hope that's okay."

His immediate response untied the knot in your belly.

"Of course it's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You know that, right?"

You lowered your gaze to the ground; your voice was small and quiet.

"I do, I just don't want to disappoint you, that's all."

Matt placed a hand under your chin, lifting your face so you could look at him.

"You could never disappoint me, no matter what."

You clasped a hand around the wrist that was hovering over your collarbone. With all the courage you could muster, you begrudgingly gave voice to the inescapable outcome of the night.

"Well, I guess I'll… see you later?"

His brows furrowed as if you were speaking a language he didn't know.

"What do you mean? You're not getting rid of me that easily."

In a fell swoop, Matt picked you up. He walked to the couch, gently laid you down on the plush surface and told you to stay still. You watched with wide eyes as he disappeared into your bathroom. You heard the water running, then shutting off, and Matt appeared only to vanish into your bedroom. You peeked over the couch as you heard him rummaging around what sounded like your bedside table, helping himself to its content. Eventually, he left the bedroom with your body oil mist. You braced yourself on your elbows, apprehensive and confused, when Matt asked you to remove your sweats.

"I'm just going to give you a massage. No funny business, I promise."

He urged you to lay back as he carefully folded your clothes and put them on the armchair nearby. He loosened the knots in your muscles, kneading at your sore limbs. His hands worked with so much tenderness and patience, smoothing the oil over your skin, making sure you were relaxed and comfortable. You practically melted into the couch once he was done with you, feeling the tension had long ebbed away.

You sighed happily; the touch of appreciation sweetened your voice.

"Thank you for that."

"You don't have to thank me. I'm here for you."

Matt smiled fondly at you, which deepened the crinkles around his eyes. And then, there was a brief moment of hesitation, as if he didn't know if he should say what he wanted to say.

"Do you want me to leave?"

He finally asked, his voice soft. The question seemed so small, yet, it made your heart soar, sending a familiar serotonin rush through your veins.

"No. Stay with me, please."

Matt slid onto the couch with you, cuddling you from behind. The space was a little cramped, but you were grateful for it for the way his body pressed up against you underneath the cozy blanket. The two of you watched your favourite show together. Still, you didn't pay much attention to it as your mind tried to soak up as much of this feeling as possible until you fell asleep. When you woke the next morning, he wasn't there. Yet, something felt different now that you had a taste of what it was like to be on the other side of the thorned fence.

Despite the "developement", you still felt unsure. And Mindy could tell that.

"If he cared about you like that, why haven't you made it official? Is there something holding you back?"

You bit your lip, your head lowered as you still tether at the edge of acceptance of your situation after an even more recent event.

"Actually, yeah …"

You thought you knew him better than most people did, but maybe, it was you who knew the least of all. You thought about last week when you were tasked with writing a piece on the new up-and-coming law firm in the middle of Hell's Kitchen that took down Wilson Fisk.

It was all a coincidence, but you didn't mind getting to observe Matt on a professional level. The business plate on the wall outside looked new and polished, contrary to the inside. The building was a little dingy but functional. When Foggy Nelson welcomed you into the small office, the sight you saw was all but welcoming. The glass panes did nothing to conceal the view of Matt being awfully cozy with a gorgeous woman, who you knew was Karen Page. She straightened his tie, and Matt was saying something to her, his soft lips close to the crown of her head. Karen laughed at his words, and in return, an easy smile spread across his face. The intimate scene made you feel like you were intruding on the two of them just by looking in. A lump formed in your throat, but you swallowed it down. It was no time for personal feelings and thoughts.

Still, the unpleasant feeling simmered and stayed with you throughout the interview until the very end. When the photographer showed up to take their photos for the newspaper, you bore witness to their intimacy once more. It was obvious to anyone that there was something between them, whether it was in the past or present. The way they held each other before your observant eyes manifested into something tangible that you could touch and couldn't compare. Their bond was something deeper than your relationship. That only aggravated your stubborn jealousy and how ashamed you felt afterward for feeling such fierce possessiveness over someone who wasn't even yours. He never was, never had been, and never would be. What you had was a casual agreement, and that was all to it. But you had to go ahead and fall for him.

The look on Mindy's face after you told her about Matt and Karen was one you knew too well. It was of pity, and you hated being on the receiving end.

"It sounds like he might have something going on with that woman. After all, you didn't agree to be mutually exclusive."

She took hold of your hand, giving it a squeeze as if to soften the blow she was about to deliver.

"I think you should reconsider your relationship. Being the other woman is not worth it, no matter how good in bed he is."

You couldn't stop the frown that formed on your lips, but you could control the trembling that almost broke in your lower lip. You jerked your hand away as if Mindy's touch seared you with shame. Your voice shook as your defensiveness raised itself around you.

"You don't know him like I do, okay? Stay out of it. I don't need your sage advice."

I don't need you to tell me how wrong I am. You wanted to say. You knew that already. Saying that out loud would mean admitting you were wrong about Matt, about the two of you, and about everything.

You grabbed your bag from the chair and walked out of the coffee shop, ignoring Mindy's calls. Your nose felt stung from the unshed tears, from the weight of your friend's words. You knew she only wanted good things for you, but she was wrong. She must be.

Even then, in your heart, you weren't so sure.

That night, you didn't think Matt would come. But you were thankful that he did. The moment you heard his familiar steps on the stairs, making his way up to you, you were already at the window, practically pulling Matt in once he reached you. You didn't even wait until he got even footing on the floor to kiss him senselessly, drawing a surprised gasp from him. He didn't seem to mind and quickly reciprocated. Moments later, your clothes were shed, letting your bare skin and laboured breaths fill the silence. Matt's hands ran all over your curves appreciatively, his lips tangled with yours fervently. He whispered on your lips when you parted to breathe.

"I missed you."

You heard that, Mindy? He said he missed me.

"I missed you too."

Your words drawled into a soft moan as he took your bottom lip between his teeth and pulled slightly. His hand settled on your ass, urging you to jump into his arms like you always would, and you did. The proof of his need for you pressed against your stomach, hard and unyielding. Matt shifted you in his arms, and you used the movement to graze your slick core around his shaft. Your arousal smeared on his length, and you couldn't stop the gasp at the feeling of him so close to your entrance. Matt found your bedroom easily and fell onto the soft sheets with you. You scuttled back to make room, and he followed you. You held yourself up by your elbows; a shiver ran through your body as you watched him stroke his cock a few times before teasing your entrance. His tip touched your wet folds, dragging and spreading the slickness along the slit. He stimulated your clit with his velvet head, and you whimpered at how good it felt. As you parted your lips to tell him to stop teasing you, he plunged in without warning, and the complaint from your throat became a blissed moan.

Matt stopped for a moment after fully sheathed inside you, his face tilted towards yours, allowing you to drink in the pure euphoria on his face. His mouth was open-slacked, his brows curved up in an acute focus of relief, his unsighted eyes lost in the heaven you shared. You rocked your hip to meet his, only to be stopped with his hands on your waist, his hold tight, but not enough to leave bruises.

"If you keep moving like that, I won't last very long."

You nudged your heel against his ass, and your thighs squeezed his hips like an invitation.

"I don't care. I need you. Please."

Something shifted in him when you begged, and your prayer was answered with a withdrawal and hard thrust of his hips. You cried out, letting yourself fall back on the mattress and allowing Matt to pound into you. Each delicious thrust brought you closer to the edge, but you used all of your willpower to hold on. You wanted to finish with him. Matt's body covered yours as he nudged your head to rest on the crook of his arm. He caged you in, encompassing you in a cocoon that was him. His fingers wove into your hair, pulling the strands slightly to draw out your moans. His face hovered over yours, and with the barely-there distance, you felt like you were observing a piece of art reserved for your eyes only. Matt was all-consuming, demanding your attention and submission in every sense possible. All you saw was his beautiful face, all you heard was his lustful cries, and all you felt was his fullness inside you, stealing your breaths. You succumbed to him fully, worshipping him with everything that was attached to your mortal shell.

Your cries of pleasure intertwined with his created a beautiful melody of primal desires. Your hands clawed at his back, without a doubt making marks. Matt only groaned louder at the claim you made on his back, enjoying the pain you inflicted on him. As you neared your end, your core clenched hard, and his thrusts only got rougher at the tell-tale sign of your finish line. You could feel how close he was with the way his pace stuttered. You took hold of his chin, and Matt took a brief moment to kiss your thumb.

"Let go. I've got you."

You whispered breathlessly as his deep strokes made it hard to talk. Matt drew your thumb into his mouth and bit on it, but it did little to muffle his grunts of release. The feeling of him filling you up triggered your own orgasm as you came with him. The white-hot pleasure made you arch your back, making your pebbled nipples graze his broad chest. Matt's hand came down to grope at one breast, massaging and playing with your nipple, making you gasp, moan, and writhe at the sensation. He dipped his head to the hardened peak and soothed its ache with the warmth of his mouth as if to apologize for the lack of attention he paid. When you finally came down from the high, Matt whisked you into a breathless, lingering kiss as if he never wanted it to end. You happily reciprocated, and at that moment, it really felt like he might have feelings for you.

A little while later, after Matt had helped you settle in bed and fetched you some water, he slipped into the spot beside you, nudging your head to rest on his chest. His fingers caressed your arm, raising goosebumps on your skin. You played with the ridges of his abs; your blissful mind ran wild with all the possibilities and hypotheses. You felt something different tonight, just like that night when he cuddled you to sleep.

"Hey, I was wondering …."

He hummed in reply, waiting for you to continue.

"We've been doing this for a while, and I … I wonder if anything has changed."

His hand still kept a steady rhythm on your arm.

"What has changed?"

"Us. Our relationship."

Matt turned his face towards you, and your heart chipped a little at the confusion. He took a moment before answering you.

"We both agreed on being strictly casual. So … no, nothing has changed."

The crack on your heart turned into splinters that kept falling down like a flimsy house of cards, and you weren't fast enough to catch all the pieces. Of course, Mindy was right. You were such a fool. How could you hope for something different after all this time?

"Where was my memo on this thing?"

Matt chuckled softly, seeming to please with the little joke he made. Even though his body was warm, you only felt colder than ever. You slowly removed yourself from him as if Matt had grown thorns, and every movement hurt. Once you left the bed, Matt braced himself on one elbow, an easy, nonchalant, suggestive air about him.

"Are you freshening up for round two?"

You sighed heavily.

"No, I'm tired, and I would like to go to bed."

When Matt didn't say anything, you quickly added.

"Besides, I have to get up early tomorrow."

It was not exactly the truth, but a half-lie would do just fine. It seemed like Matt got the hint as he got up and searched for his scattered clothes on the floor. Once decent, he made his way to you at the window sill; his hand reached out to touch your elbow.

"Are we okay?"

He asked with a touch of hesitation. You huffed an indulgent chuckle.

"Yes. We're okay. I've had a long day, with a lot to think about."

You forced yourself to smile, even though he couldn't see it. It was more for you, so you wouldn't physically surrender to the turmoil inside. Matt kissed your cheek softly, and you did everything not to avoid his affection.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

He left your apartment with the promise, one that you wouldn't blame him for not keeping. You stayed up until the morning, and throughout the day, you allowed everything Mindy said to torment you, driving and twisting the knife further until your heart was a mangled, broken piece of decoration in your chest. And you knew you deserved every single cut. You weren't stupid; you knew that you were in the wrong. You were blinded by the possibility of Matt reciprocating your feelings that you were all too happy to be the other woman despite all the red lights. But the answer he gave you last night was definite. There was no future for the two of you that wouldn't end in a crash and burn.

That night, your fire escape was dead quiet for the first time in months. You were home; Matt could tell by the rhythm of your heart inside your cozy place. No matter how many times he called your name and knocked on your window, you wouldn't welcome him in like you usually would. Matt left the bundle of flowers he brought you at your fire escape that night. They would stay where they were as he felt them wither away every night until they ceased to exist.

*Likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!*

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girlboybug · 1 year

Text

Cinnamon Girl

"there's things i wanna say to you, but i'll just let you live."

or the one where joel has trouble explaining how he feels, but has no trouble in showing you. even if it means publicly.

what’s playing 🎧 : cinnamon girl by lana del rey

pairing : joel miller x female!reader

word count : 7k

CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUT, jealous!joel muahaha, blowjobs, facefucking, fingering, oral f!receiving, semi public sex, unprotected sex, manhandling, orgasm denial, dirty talk, breeding kink, creampie, multiple orgasms, mirror sex, slight dom/sub dynamics, slight spanking, allusions to handjobs, unspecified age gap, aftercare, joel is bad at words but you bet your ass he talks you through it ;)

TRIGGER WARNINGS : implied/references to fedra killing people, but it's mentioned for like two seconds, joel is very possessive, themes of co-dependency, violence, fighting, blood, if i miss anything that could be triggering pls lmk!!

a/n : this is a pt2 to Shades of Cool, but can be read as a stand alone fic! pls enjoy <;3 @spacelatinos4life

there was no title to the relationship between you and joel. there didn’t need to be. a title describing what the two of you felt for the other person was unneeded, not when you two knew.

you were both sure a person couldn’t feel this way about another without it being mutual. there was no way feelings so strong, so potent, so mind, body, and soul consuming, could ever be one sided.

that’s what you were able to remind yourself on a good day.

joel isn’t the best at articulating himself, his thoughts and emotions get too heavy sometimes. but god, he felt so full of you that he didn’t know how to let the feelings overflow from his mouth and into words.

he let his actions do the talking, he let what he could do for you exist as proof of how he felt. but sometimes, you just needed to hear it directly from him, and he would oblige in the way he could.

joel felt the hands of possession, obsession, and ownership find their way into a deathgrip over his being, something he wasn’t proud of and even tried to avoid, but there’s no avoiding the inevitable. it’s who he is. it’s who he will be, and everything that he is and will be is what you signed up for.

but in this moment, a calmer feeling blankets over his shoulders while he sits on the side of the bed you two shared most nights. he watches you lay flat on your stomach, leg hiked up, mouth slightly agape, with just the tiniest bit of drool pooling from the corner of your lips.

he silences the laugh that escapes, not wanting to embarrass you or cut his gaze on you short. he likes these moments, where he can watch you be at peace. where nothing is wrong, nothing is dangerous or urgent, there’s no rush. it’s just you, and him, and you’re safe.

his calloused fingers fall gently over your cheekbone, curling around your ear and trailing over the curve of your jawline. “c’mon baby, time to get up.” he whispers, and you stir, grumbling something grumpy, and he lets the sound back into his laugh.

“gotta get up little girl, we got things to do today.” he reminds, and you shake your head full of drowsiness. “no we don’t. lay back down with me, please?” even your words sound sleepy, but joel still shakes his head in the face of an irresistible offer.

he moves the covers off of your frame and you groan about the sudden coldness. he shushes you, i know baby i know, he kisses the side of your temple, pulling you up and out of bed, letting you cling onto him.

he picks you up, something you’re usually hesitant to let him do, too insecure about the weight he’d have to lift up, but he’s not a weak man, he can lift his girl.

you’re too tired to care, too comfortable with your arms hanging over his back, head in the crook of his neck and legs wrapped around his waist, almost drifting back to sleep in his arms.

he carries you into the bathroom, setting you down on the counter. he likes taking care of you this way, being gentle with you like you deserve.

he brings a toothbrush to your lips and he brushes your teeth, staring back into the heavy sleep-ridden eyes looking up at him. your legs come around his waist, keeping him close to you. he chuckles to himself at the small actions you do, secretly loving your instinct to always be close.

he lets you spit into the sink and rinse your mouth out, and when you turn back to him, you’re more awake. he kisses your forehead, moving to the side to let you slip off the sink and land on your sock covered feet.

(those socks he promised that he'd get for you? he got them.)

you shift around behind him, leaning your cheek against his broad back, the strong, safe and reliable back you love, remaining a stable place to rest while he brushes his own teeth.

your arms wrap loosely around his waist, pressing a kiss to his clothed back. “love you so much,” you mouth to yourself, not daring to let a sound give life to your words. you want to tell him, want him to know the burning words that sear on your tongue, but again, you refrain.

when he turns back to you, he leans against the sink, his hands resting on your hips. “mornin’” his official greeting to you, and you smile that pretty smile of yours, pushing up on your toes to be closer.

“good morning.” you kiss him and he returns it, holding you by the back of your head, his other hand inching its way down to your ass. he squeezes it, and you giggle in his mouth, pushing at his chest.

he rolls his eyes with a smile, feigning disappointment at your shooing. he pats your bottom, motioning his head towards the kitchen. “made some coffee, want some?” you nod, leaning up to peck his lips appreciatively.

you race into the kitchen, hand still attached to his as he follows behind you, an amused look on his face at the sudden burst of energy that you were very void of just five minutes ago.

you fall into your routine repeated like a sacred mantra. you sit at the table watching him make your mugs of coffee. during his last haul, he found a pink mug, pocketing it to bring home to you, and it quickly became one of your most prized possessions.

he comes back to you, sitting in the chair he always does, sliding your mug to you. you clamber out your chair to sit in his lap, his hand resting over your thigh, keeping you safe and tucked away into him. your head finds its home in the warm pocket of his neck, sipping your sweet coffee in comfortable silence.

–

he drops you off to your assigned work, street cleaning, before he has to go to his, burning the dead bodies that fedra has no issue creating every day. he holds your waist, pulling you in and kissing you a wordless bye, his hand lingering on your waist when he turns to leave.

it took awhile for joel to show you affection in public, and it wasn’t because he was embarrassed, he was a grown man, and if anyone had a problem with him kissing his girl he’d gladly address that, so that wasn’t his hindrance.

joel quite often overthinks himself into bouts of worry, and he found himself scared that if the wrong person saw you two together, saw how strongly he felt for you, you’d be taken from him.

joel was hardly ever scared anymore, there was nothing to fear. he had nothing to fear, it was just himself he had to worry about, and he could handle his own.

but now, he has you.

and with caring for someone as much as he does for you, comes the fear of losing them too, and he hates it, he's scared of it.

so for awhile, affections were scarce, even in private, too wound up in trying to not get too attached, but you tore down his walls, brick by brick, leaving him bare and vulnerable to you.

sometimes, you can still feel that blockage that holds him back, but it’s okay. you have all of time in itself to work through these things, together.

–

you came home before joel did, eager to see him, to be held by him, and talk about your day together. instead, you came home to an empty apartment.

you’re disappointed, joel’s face is the first thing you want to see after every hard day, his rich, southern voice veiled in a smooth gruffness welcoming you home was a reminder that life wasn’t all bad.

you figured he was still busy, a habit of his from even before the outbreak, never went away.

that being the inability to turn down extra work. you wish he would, you wanted more of him, more of his time, more of his presence, his everything.

while working earlier today, you were invited to the bar that had just been finished renovating, the invitation coming from a guy whose name you already forgot.

you were excited by the invite, you never really did much, and you thought it would be something nice to do with joel. but alas, he isn’t home to receive the news.

you pull out a pad of paper, quickly scribbling a note for joel to read before washing the grime of the day off your skin.

you change into clothes you think are nicely suited for a bar, you’re not completely sure, considering you’ve never been inside one.

you think to yourself how you’re actually kind of impressed how people managed to do all of this under fedra’s nose, but you weren’t complaining, people inside the qz deserved a sense of normalcy in this lack of a community.

it was a hefty walk away, which made sense, to have a bar up and running, it’d need to be tucked away from the hands ready to pluck anything semi decent away.

when you were amidst your walk, joel shared your disappointment of coming home with no warm greeting.

he looks around, a frown etching itself over his features, before his glancing lands itself on your note. he inhales deeply, exhaling a loud, irritated huff. the last thing he wanted to do was be near a big group of people, sharing you, sharing your laugh, sharing your stupid jokes, sharing how beautiful you are with undeserving wandering eyes.

he washes up, deciding to just let his hair air dry on the way to the bar. midst his walk, he feels his chest get tight with stress, imagining you on this trek so late at night, and on your own.

he makes a mental note to scold you for that when he sees you.

–

“so,” the man in front of you takes a swig from his third beer. “you got a boyfriend?” he asks, and you get a little stiff, swirling the whiskey in your glass that you’ve been taking pained sips from, the bitter sharp taste was something you did not like. “i have someone,” you confirm, feeling warm at just the mere mention of joel.

“but no boyfriend?” he pushes further and you laugh awkwardly, your eyes looking anywhere but him.

“doesn’t bother me if you do or don’t, we can still have fun either way,” he leans in closer, his hand gliding up the side of your arm. you inch back, moving away from his touch. “it’s… not something we label, but i do have someone, i’m sorry.” you’re trying to be polite, but he doesn’t bite.

“no label? y’know honey, that’s just a man’s way of getting to have his cake and eat it.” he snickers, drinking from his beer. you bring your arms around yourself, feeling defensive. “what's that supposed to mean?” you question, eyes flickering all over him in search of an answer, starting to feel anxiety prickle at your skin.

“when a man doesn’t label somethin’ it’s ‘cause there’s nothing to label, meanin’ he can do what he wants with you and have no obligations holdin’ him down, because there’s nothing there. he can go out and fuck who he wants, because he ain’t got a girl back home.” his words hit you like a gong, a sharp ache penetrating into your chest, twisting the knife and letting it gape open.

“it… isn’t like that,” your voice is failing you, and it sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself more than you are him. he laughs out of pity and you feel small, confidence being forcibly shrunken by his seeds of doubt.

“then where is he? last i checked, you came here all by yourself.” he points out, and your shoulders nearly deflate.

“he’s just busy,” you mutter and he shakes his head holding out his hands with a cocky certainty. “tellin’ ya honey, he’s probably with another girl,” he draws patterns in the wrist of yours that’s holding your glass.

“so what’s the harm in comin’ home with me? we could be somethin’ official, i wouldn’t hide you, who’d wanna hide a pretty girl like you,” his persuasions elicit a sense of nausea from the depths of your stomach, and you back away into the wooden pane behind you, shaking your head.

“there a problem here?” the voice you’ve been craving to hear all night finally finds you, and your head whips up. you breathe out a relieved, joel.

“nah, she’s with me.” the man answers for you, and you shake your head, moving away from him to go to joel. “no, this is who i was talking about.” you introduce joel, and he doesn’t say a thing, just stares down at the man in front of him, a hard glare being shot into his skull.

“so the guy stringing you along is this fuckin’ old man? you gotta be jokin,” and joel inches in, seconds away from bursting. “i suggest you watch your tone,” he warns, and the man sets his beer down, standing up straight now.

you tug on joel’s arm, trying to deescalate the situation, but he wants it to escalate, he wants to fucking hurt the guy in front of him.

“yeah? and the fuck are you gonna do if i don’t?” joel doesn’t need to hear anything else, he leans down, making it a point to emphasize the height difference between the two, and you swallow a giggle at how the man reddens from embarrassment.

joel grips him by his collar, tugging him in close. “i’ll rip your fucking jaw straight off your skull.” he grits out, and you know he means what he says.

“i’d like to see you try asshole.”

you grab at joel’s arm again, let’s just go baby, please you don’t need to do this, you plead with him, but he’s gone deaf with a ringing rage, unable to come down from the anger inside him.

“cmon pussy, hit m-” joel’s fist rises and lands with a heavy, painful impact down into the side of the man’s jaw, and you wince at the sight. he stumbles and falls back into the wooden pane.

the owner of the bar finally comes out, rushing to separate joel away from the man. “hey hey hey, that’s enough, break it up,” the man is lurching at joel and joel just stands proudly, unflinching at the threats spewing from the shorter man’s bloodied mouth.

“i’m so so so sorry, we’ll go, i’m so sorry, i’ll take care of this.” you apologize up and down to the owner, and he sighs, dragging his fingers down the corners of his mouth.

“just get him out of my sight, i’ll take care of this one,” he nods to the man and you agree, leading joel away to the bathroom to cool down.

“fine go ahead and leave with the old man who can’t even get his dick up!” he calls out after you, and you ignore it, but joel can’t.

his arm rips away from your hold, and he surges towards him, pushing past the owner and landing his fist hard into the same place he hit last time, grunting with pride when he hears something crack. everyone around you is frozen, mouths ajar in shock and fear.

“get him out!” the owner yells, jabbing his thumb towards the back exit, and you nod quickly, frantically trying to pull joel off of the man. the people surrounding you hurriedly move aside to let you two pass.

you usher joel into the restroom, locking the door behind you. “joel what the fuck?” the first time you’ve ever raised your voice at him was now, and he stares at you pacing in front of him.

normally, it excites you when joel is fast to your defense, it makes you feel like he cares, but this? this was stupid. this was an opportunity to do something fun and different together, and he most likely just got you two banned.

but what was actually bothering you, were the things that the man said to you. his words continuously buzz around in your head like flies to a carcass.

“what were you doing with him?” his voice is steady, but you hear the anger laced underneath, you hear the silent upward trail of it leading into something else, and you pause to look at him.

“what?” you exhale and he steps forward, jaw clenching and shifting with a trembling indignation. “i said,” he grits out, sore and numb fist landing on the wall behind you. “what the fuck were you doing with him?” he repeats, louder, scarier. you flinch away from him, and he drops his fist, unfolding it by his side, a thrum of guilt strumming inside him at the fearful way you were looking at him.

“he started talking to me, joel. it started off friendly, and then he began making advances towards me, which i shot down.” your eyes are watering, and you angrily wipe them away, upset that you were even crying.

“surprised you even care,” you mutter, already feeling regretful the second the words leave your mouth. he holds you by your chin, forcing you to look at him. “excuse me?” he questions, and you blink away the last few tears from your eyes nervously.

“where were you?” you counter back, and joel raises a brow, folding his arms over his chest. “workin’. like i always am.” his eyes squint confusedly. “what’s this about?”

the pipe that filtered out your frustrations just about burst, and you spurt out all the fears that the man made resurface inside you.

“i told you that all i wanted is to be with you, which is true, and it’s okay that you don’t wanna label whatever this is,” you move your hands between you two.

“and it’s okay that it’s hard for you to even hold my hand in public even though it hurts me, but what’s not okay is lying to me. i-if, if you’re f..fucking someone else i’d rather you just be honest with me.” tears are streaming down your cheeks now, and you’re barely able to speak through the sobs.

joel can’t say anything for a moment, he’s completely taken off guard from how much pain you seem to be in from the fears you’ve been keeping to yourself.

he moves closer to you, his hands on either side of your head when he speaks, leaving you nowhere else to look, but him. “listen to me,” he murmurs, swiping the new dewy drops of tears from your eyes.

“there is no one else. s’just you. i..i don’t look at, think about, or talk to anyone for that matter, that isn’t you. i don’t got the time, effort, or desire, to be near someone that ain’t you. i didn’t even wanna come to this fuckin’ thing but i went because you’re here.” he points at the center of your chest, emphasizing his sentiments.

“you wanna know what you are?” he breathes out against your lips. you nod, hands resting on his shoulders. “you, are mine.” he speaks slowly, deeply, letting his words travel into the farthest places inside you, wanting what he says to resonate in you until it reaches your bones.

you push yourself up as far as you can to reach his lips, pressing yourself to him. he kisses you hard, imprinting himself to you, holding you by the back of your neck.

he drinks in your moans, his hand on your ass keeping you right up against his crotch, bucking into you just that much, getting you to melt in his hold.

you whimper in his mouth when he slides his tongue in, taking you in so roughly.

he can taste the whiskey on you, and he grunts, gripping at your ass before planting a hard smack over it. you yelp in his mouth but he doesn’t let you move away, instead, he pushes you into the wall, cradling your head with his hand when your back connects to the wall.

when you break apart for air, that's when he nudges at your shoulders, lowering you down to your knees. you obey, resting on your knees, looking up at him with those wide pretty eyes of yours.

he caresses your cheek, smiling at the way you mold into his palm. “think i need you to show me you understand me when i say you’re mine.” his sonorous voice, thick in control and sternness lit a flame between your thighs, and you had no problem proving to him that you understood.

you unbuckle his pants, the bulge behind them intimidating you. it’s been awhile since you two have… done anything, mostly just resorting to his fingers buried inside you, and your hand wrapped around him while he fucks your palm.

you’ve never gotten around to doing this, and joel was nowhere near small, the word not even existing in his hemisphere, so this was most definitely going to be quite the feat.

you fish him out his boxers, and you clench down on your teeth with nerves rattling through your being.

he's so thick in girth, you almost can't wrap your whole hand around him, the thought of him shoving himself in your mouth both excites you, and frightens you. but it's a good fear.

it's a challenge.

“wet your hand baby,” he instructs, and you listen, spitting in your palm, feeling warm at the way he says good, all drawn out and deep, it makes you all the more fervid to impress him, to make him feel good.

you jerk him off, hands shaking, but you force yourself to keep them steady for him. you’re using two hands to touch him, a slick sound starting to fill the space around you, reminds of you of the act you’re committing, and it excites you.

you lean forward, enveloping his tip between your lips, letting your hand glide further down while your lips trail along in suit, taking him in as deep as you can.

he shudders out a wavering breath, holding you by the back of your head, not pushing, but instead following the way you bob up and down on his cock.

you take him in further than you thought you could, the stretch of your lips around the thickness of him is a little uncomfortable, but the breathless groans pouring out of him from above you, make all the discomfort go away.

he wants to praise you for being a quick learner, but the words stutter behind his thoughts, jumbling themselves up, the only thing he could think, and feel, was your hot, wet mouth sucking him off, his cock so deep down your throat, his balls were resting at your chin.

your saliva pooled around the corners of your mouth, and he wiped his thumb over it, swiping under your stretched bottom lip that was barely able to form around his shaft.

he turns to the side, looking into the mirror that’s facing you both. the reflection glimmers back to joel, and the cinches in his chest and stomach suddenly get tighter.

he groans at the sight, it’s so fucking dirty, you on your knees, taking his cock as far as it can go, he thinks to himself how sweet his little girl is.

he can't take his eyes off of the vision playing out before him, it's too hypnotizing.

he starts to fuck your mouth, throwing his head back when he hits the back of your throat, pulling a gag from you. he grits his teeth when you gag around him, the sound is so filthy, everything about this is, but he likes it.

he likes the feeling of fucking your poor mouth until your jaw goes sore, because whenever you talk, a little reminder of where he was will be there.

he fixates on the way you’ve found yourself a rhythm, trying your hardest to go along with the way he’s guiding your mouth down his cock, letting him fuck your soft, pliant mouth.

he stares into the mirror, watching as you gag when he shoves his hips forward, grinding into the hot, slick hole your mouth acts as.

your tongue supports the bottom of his shaft, licking the sensitive spot under the head of his cock, and his hips stutter.

he holds your head, pushing in and keeping still, watching you take him in.

“takin’ me down your throat so goddamn good, baby. bet that fuckin’ asshole wishes he could have you like this,” he’s losing himself in the haven of your mouth, the way your watery eyes look up at him, egging him on.

“it’s only ever gonna be me, who fucks your mouth, i’m the only one who’s gonna have you on your knees, gagging around a cock, shit, around my cock,” he’s panting, rambling breathlessly in the peak of his pleasure, adding emphasis on every word with each thrust in your mouth without even thinking about it.

he pulls you off his cock, and you gasp, sputtering while you catch your breath. “repeat,” he orders, slapping the tip of his cock on your cheek.

“you’re the only one who gets to fuck my mouth,” you rasp, your voice already sounding hoarse, and he chuckles darkly, nodding to himself with pride.

he's putting your throat to good use.

he slides back in your mouth, and your hands rest on his hips while you take him. “look at yourself, so fuckin dirty," he grunts under a low guise of a breath. your eyes drift to the side, and they widen. the sight is dirty in the truest form of the word, but you like it too, you like it more than you should.

the thrusts into your mouth start to get faster, and you can barely keep up. “gonna let me cum in your mouth baby?” he breathes out, and you nod around him, unable to give verbal confirmation. “gonna take it all for me,” he pushes in deeper, “gonna swallow it all for me?”

mhmm you moan around him, and that’s all he needs. he fucks into your mouth, hard and fast, before he stills, your teary eyes squeezing shut, trying your best to breathe through your nose.

“shit,” he pants, palm flat against the wall above your head while he cums.

his load is heavy when it goes down your throat, and when he slowly pulls out, he slaps the tip over your tongue, watching his cum drip onto it. he catches his breath while he pulls you up to your feet, keeping you steady when you wobble.

your lips are plump, fat with soreness and he kisses them hard, bruising himself into you.

his hand finds its way between your thighs, he walks forward as he does so, pushing you up against the sink counter. he lowers himself down to you, and you watch with hooded eyes, watching as he lifts up the fabric of your long dress, bunching it up until he reaches your panties.

his chest inflates with a proud sense of vainglory at the wet patch spreading over your underwear.

he traces over it, and you shiver, coiling into him. he kisses, he licks you through your underwear, mouthing over your cunt. he laps at you hungrily, not realizing how starved he was until he latched his mouth on you.

his eyes shut when he tastes you, the way your perfect little clit rolled around on his tongue fueled his addiction to being buried in your cunt, your sweet drawls of cries enabling him further. he circles around your hole before pushing in, keeping your hip still with his free hand from wriggling away.

he lets yourself fuck yourself on his finger, chuckling over your clit, his lips still wrapped around it when you tremble at the way he adds in a second finger.

you raise your leg, leaning on the counter, trying to spread yourself as far as you can for him. your hands fell to the back of his head, grinding into his mouth and fingers, head lolling backward into the mirror.

your chest rises and falls with shaky gasps, his name falling from your bitten lips like it's the only word you know. joel joel joel.

you’re rolling your hips into him desperately, and he takes it all in with stride, moaning into your soaked flesh.

a wet clicking sound echos around the bathroom, and you’re almost embarrassed, it’s just so loud, but you couldn’t help how wet he made you. his knuckles fill you up to the hilt, and you’re tearing up all over again, his crybaby, he’d call you, but he’s too focused on sucking your clit to say anything.

his fingers feel overwhelming inside you, his tongue curling over your clit only making it worse, making you tug and pull at his hair, lifting your ass off the counter to push yourself deeper into his mouth.

he eats your cunt with a purpose, with a drive, but more than anything, he enjoys it. he can't get enough of how fucking good you taste, it turns him on to no end over how dirty it is, having his tongue flick over your pussy, his head between your thighs, trapping him in and nearly suffocating him inside you.

but if he were to die, this is how he’d want to go out, by a lack of air supply from burying his tongue inside your cunt.

he feels you shaking, the roll of your hips has lost it’s rhythm and he looks up at you, head thrown against the mirror, lips agape and crying out his name, chest heaving, and wait, he can see your nipples hardening through your dress, and he wonders if you’ve even got a bra on. his cock twitches at the thought of it.

“you close baby?” he asks you, his words pressing themselves right on your clit, and you whimper, nodding. he presses a wet, sloppy kiss to your cunt before rising back to his tall stature.

you blink through heavy lids, looking at him pleadingly. “why?” you mumble sadly, and he flips you around, pulling you into him with your ass right up against his cock.

he kisses the back of your neck, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“you’re gonna cum when i’m inside you.” he aligns himself with your hole, pushing in with one thrust, holding you by your hips to keep you from stumbling forward from his harsh movements.

he has to slowly inch himself a little further, a little gentler, to get himself fully sheathed in you.

it has been a minute, since he’s had you like this, he thinks to himself. he tugs down the front of your dress, growling to himself when your tits fall out, perched up from the bunched material under them. he pinches at your nipples, slapping at the underside of them.

“no bra? that for me baby or were you planning on showin’ them to someone else?” he grits out, starting to fuck you hard, finding himself getting angry at the image of someone getting to see something that belongs to him, that belongs in his palms.

you shake your head, bouncing forward with each hard thrust he fucked into you with, gripping onto the counter in front of you.

“n-no, no, joel, just for you,” your head rolled back onto his shoulder, but he was fast to grab you by the back of your neck, keeping your head forward.

“look at yourself, and look at who’s fucking you.” he whispers in your ear, his beard tickling at your neck when he speaks, the command in his voice making you shiver.

you struggle to keep your eyes open, but he kept you in place, making sure you were watching yourself get impaled over and over again by the thick length of his cock.

“no one else, is gonna get to be in your pussy like this, understand?” he reminds you of a fact that you don’t need to be reminded of, because never in a million years would you ever let someone have you the way joel does. but you’d be far from truthful if you said you didn’t like hearing him, and feeling him, fuck you as a reminder of who owns you.

“yes, yes joel yes,” you cry, nails raking at the counter. he nips at your neck, his beard leaving a tingly trail over each inch of skin it touches.

the ‘pap pap pap’ from how soaked your cunt is and from how hard he’s thrusting into you bounces off the walls, and you hope dearly that none of the patrons can hear you.

joel seems to read your mind, because he inches near your ear, gruff groans floating all around you. “y’think he can hear us, can hear you gettin’ fucked?” you mewl at his words, never used to how dirty he can be, and you nod dumbly.

“yeah?” he mocks you, but you don’t care, not when you can feel the fat head of his cock rubbing over that little spot in you so good that it almost hurts from how intense it is.

his fingers find your clit, and he rubs those tight circles over it, watching you squeal from the shock of pleasure.

you try to push him away, it was too good and too much all at once, your poor sensitive cunt could only take so much. but you’re not going anywhere, he pulls you in closer, shoves himself in deeper, rubs harder, fucks you faster.

your entire self succumbs to joel, and you take it, it’s all you can do. you watch as your whole body jerks forward with each hard thrust joel delivers, and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt, being able to see your chest bounce, his wandering hands all over you, squeezing, groping in places that have never been touched before by anyone but him.

your eyes fall to the way his long fingers rub over your clit, and it makes you clench around him.

he tilts his head to the side, resting his chin atop your shoulder, joining you in the voyeurism.

he pushes himself in you, eyes locking onto yours in the mirror, grunting in your ear, plucking your skin into goosebumps in the process.

“these, are mine,” he fondles your chest, and you nod willfully, arching your back into him when he squeezes them. “this,” he raises his hand and spanks the fat of your ass, hard, kissing your shoulder blade when you cry out, running his palm over the sore skin. “is mine,”

his hand cups your cunt, and he shoves himself the deepest he’s been in, and your mouth falls open, a sob leaving past it at the intrusion. “this, is mine.” he fucks you hard and you cry his name, hands clawing desperately all over the sink.

“s’your’s joel, its all yours,” you hiccup through a series of cries. he feels pleased by your answer.

he has an endless amount of pride of getting to have you, the prettiest, sweetest girl, with the tightest cunt he’s ever had, who was so happy, and so proud to be his.

“please, please, can i cum joel? been so good, n’ i need it so bad, can i please?” you’re pleading with him so earnestly, so needy, he couldn’t deny you even if he wanted to.

“go ahead baby,” he grants you the permission to let go, and it’s the push into your rippling orgasm you needed. you grip at his wrist that’s rubbing your clit, squirming around in his clutch, panting and chanting his name, his favorite sound from you.

your body buzzes with burning tips of hot pleasure pointedly traveling all throughout your limbs, washing you clean with joel.

“so good, babygirl, feel fuckin’ perfect wrapped around me,” he places hard frantic kisses all along your shoulder, pounding into you now spasmodically, unable to keep a steady flow in fluidity of his thrusts, his own orgasm was tiding over him, the waves threatening to crash and soak him whole.

“who’s fucking cunt is this?” he groans forcefully in your ear. “y-your’s, joel, s’all yours,” you whimper, head back against him, your moans falling directly into his ear.

he grunts a sound so palpable, so thick, it makes you whine. he shoves himself in rapidly, before slowing down, pushing in all the way, shuddering out lowly, his head resting beside yours when he cums.

he fucks you slowly, savoring the way you grip onto him, with how stuffed and full you are of him, and his cum.

he pulls out, trying to be gentle, remembering how unpleasant it was for you last time he pulled out.

he turns you around, adjusts your dress back over your chest, leaning forward to place a soft kiss this time, to your lips.

before he puts your dress back down, he lifts it up, looking at your poor abused cunt. he watches his cum leak out of you, and he inhales sharply at the sight.

he pushes it back in, shoving his fingers inside you, and you whimper, grabbing onto his wrist. he quickly puts your underwear back on, looking with a cocky gaze at his slick immediately dampening your panties.

he wipes his fingers with the paper towels behind you, tossing it in the trashcan. he rests his palms on either side of you, and you wrap your arms around his neck, catching your breath. “let’s go home, okay?” you whisper, and he nods, moving his hands back up to your waist to squeeze lovingly.

he holds your hand, interlacing your fingers, guiding you out the restroom.

when you near the exit, the man is stood outside, cigarette in hand, smoking while wincing from the throbbing pain in his jaw.

joel wants to laugh, but he refrains for your sake. you avoid eye contact with him, keeping close to joel, arms wrapped around his toned strong one, but joel isn’t as polite as you.

he makes it a point to ram his shoulder against the other man’s, leaning down to whisper in his ear. “she just finished gettin' my dick up .” he watches with amusement when his mouth parts in shock, anger and jealousy constricting his chest. joel pulls you along, ignoring his yells after him.

there are only a few things that joel finds joy in. you, coffee, and the occasional pettiness. and he seems to have indulged in all three of them today.

–

you two made it back to joel’s, walking in a light silence. you shuffle inside, making a b-line into his bed. he locks the door shut before kicking off his boots. he disappears into the bathroom, grabbing a small towel and wetting it. he comes back to you, parting your legs.

he removes your underwear, sliding it down and letting it hit the floor. he’s gentle while he cleans you up, aware of how sensitive you must be. you watch with wide, adoring pupils, the three words that live on your tongue aching to come out.

he undoes your boots, pulling them off and tossing it where his pair sits. he holds your ankle, his thumb drawing over the bone.

“i’m sorry… about tonight,” you apologize softly.

he shakes his head, scooting closer to sit next to you. “you don’t need to be sweetheart, i...agh, i,” he runs a hand through his hair tiredly.

“i should be. i didn’t mean to make a scene, i’ll try to talk to the owner and settle things so that if you wanna go back, you won’t get kicked out.” your eyebrows pull together in sympathy. “if we both can’t go then i don’t wanna go,” you murmur, sitting up to drape yourself over him.

your fingers run along his jaw, feeling the coarse stubble from his beard.

he holds your wrist, turning his cheek to kiss your palm. he shifts around, his forehead resting on your temple while he kisses the apple of your cheek. “let’s get you changed,” he says gently, and you say nothing, just holding onto his hand until you reach his fingertips when he walks to get you a change of clothes.

he returns with one of his flannels, and a pair of boxers he accidentally shrunk in the wash.

he kneels in front of you, unbuttoning the top buttons of your dress. there we go, he murmurs when you sit up for a moment, allowing him to pull the rest of the fabric from the dress you were sitting on.

he undresses you, and you hold yourself while he unfolds his shirt. he puts it over your head, pulling it down and smiling to himself at the way it hangs off you.

he readies the leg holes of the boxers at your feet, pulling it up and over your hips, running his hands over your soft skin before he pulls the shirt back down to cover you up. he sheds off his jacket, ridding himself of his clothes until he’s left in a wife beater and his boxers.

you scoot to the side of his bed, lifting the cover while patiently waiting for him to join you.

naturally, of course he does. he opens his arms for you, and you curl up in his hold, warm and safe, wrapped up between two strong arms.

you bury yourself in his chest, his scent lulling you into a hazy relaxed state. “joel?” you whisper. “yeah?” he returns, and you close your eyes, nervously fisting at his wife beater.

“i … you know…i...you.” you huff in frustration with yourself, and he stays quiet for awhile, unsure of what you mean before it clicks.

“i know.” you feel the tears about to break through the closed curtains of your lashes, trying to ready yourself for the rejection about to hit. ”i do too, sweetheart. i do too.” and suddenly, you’re letting go of the breath you didn’t even realize you were holding onto.

relief rinses through you, a shining confirmation that you weren’t the only one who felt this way. you were nowhere near alone in that. and now you knew, which is all you ever wanted.

your heart just about soars in your chest, and you have to swallow back the squeals of excitement that want to come out.

you’re still nervous to say it, but it’s okay, this is okay. joel knows what you’re saying, and you know what he is as well. and that’s all you two needed.

“by the way,” he adds, pulling you away from your thoughts. you look up from his chest, resting your forehead on his chin. “what’s up?”

“don’t you go walkin’ on your own that far like that again you hear me?” he chides you and you laugh, rolling your eyes. “alright joel.”

he grumbles, kissing your hairline. “mean it, goddamnit.” you're laughing into the quiet night air and he feels at peace, feels like he can breathe when he hears that soft, happy sound from you.

"baby?" he murmurs, and you kiss his collarbone, humming a sleepy, yes?

"i ain't the most...articulate man, but i just. i want you to know i care. an-and i think of you all the time, even when you're right there beside me, i'm thinkin' about what might be goin' on in that little head of your's, an' when i'm workin' my mind drifts back to you, like it's clockwork." his voice is traveling on a low steady path of smooth warmth, but there's nervousness between the gaps of his words.

he knows he doesn't say how he feels as often as he should, or at all for that matter, but he knows being reminded is important, so he tries, he tries for you.

you raise your head from the safety of his chest, eyes watery and he chuckles, gently grazing your waterline clean of them. "why're you cryin' little girl?" he asks below a whisper.

you hold his wrist, leaning into his caress while you sniffle. "i...i love you so much joel, i love you i love you, i love you. you don't have to say it back, it's okay, but i just have to say it. i love you," you laughed through your sniffling, and he stares at you, his heart growing larger than it has in years, and he almost wants to cry with you.

he leans forward, his hand resting on the side of your neck, his thumb tracing over your jaw. "i love you." he whispers back, a few cracks of sound breaking in from the nerves of finally admitting it, and you squeal, leaping out of his hold to lay on top of him.

you straddle his waist, cupping his face in your hands, his beard tickling at your palms when you lean down and smother him with kisses. mwah mwah mwah is all he can hear through his laughter at your bursting affection.

"alright baby, alright," he chuckles, keeping you steady by your hips. "say it again, please?' you ask softly, eager to hear those perfect, sweet words one more time.

you rest your hands on his chest, leaning forward to listen. he runs his hands up your thighs, tilting his head as he looks at you. "i love you, baby."

#joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller #the last of us smut #the last of us hbo #joel miller fanfiction #joel the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal joel miller

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cheonsarchive · 9 months

Text

Sunghoon | Unspoken

Pairing: Sunghoon x Fem!Reader

Genre: College!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive

Featuring: the rest of ENHYPEN, LE SSERAFIM, TXT, aespa

Warnings: Cursing, suggestive content, mentions of/implied sex (no explicit smut), reader is COMPLICATED (I'm sorry lmao), mentions of death

Summary: You expected your summer break to be all relaxed and cozy, that was until your best friend decided to confess to you out of the blue. Cue a chaotic summer full of complicated feelings, denial, miscommunication and even more pining for each other than before. Bonus: Jake giving decent advice for once!

Word Count: 18k (what)

Playlist: Ruelle - War of Hearts, Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo - Close, Lana Del Rey - Born To Die, Lostboycrow - Powers, Chase Atlantic - Meddle About, Aquilo - Losing You, Harry Styles - Falling

Author's Note: I rose from the dead to bring you a long awaited Sunghoon oneshot! I'm not too happy with it actually, but I'm a perfectionist when it comes to Sunghoon and I feel like I can't reach his standard anyway, so whatever lol. The first confession scene was inspired by Little Women (recommendation!), because it was perfect and needed to be reproduced in an ENHYPEN context. I would appreciate any kind of feedback. ❤️

If you want to be tagged in future ENHYPEN scenarios, let me know!

Masterlist

The ring of the bell that announced the end of the lesson made you slump in your seat in relief. You never anticipated the familiar buzzing noise more than today, the last class before the summer break being over making a wave of excitement rush through your body.

This semester had been absolute hell and you couldn’t wait for the break to start to be able to live with an empty head, at least for a couple of weeks, before you had to start studying again. You managed to hand in your last paper the day before, so you could officially call it a day once your last class was over and leave campus as fast as possible. Your friend Yunjin wasn’t as lucky, though.

“I’m so jealous of you, I really need to work on my time management.” Yunjin huffs in disappointment, still having to hand in two papers before she can start her summer break. You smiled apologetically at her.

“No need to be though, you’ll go to Italy soon and have the greatest time sipping Aperol Spritz in the sun while I will rot here without you,” you pointed out.

“Don’t say that, you will probably chill at Sunghoon’s pool every day anyway. Plus, we’re gonna have the road trip coming up at the end of the break, remember? That’s gonna be so much fun!” she chimed.

Ah yes, the road trip. Your friend group has decided to go to the countryside for a few days at the end of each summer break to detox once more from the city (and university) life before the next semester starts. It was Yunjin’s idea and ever since it was planned she kept talking about it nonstop.

“We’ll see about Sunghoon’s pool. If Yeji is being annoying again, we might have to move somewhere else. Sunghoon has been complaining about how she has recently become really obsessed with this one boy at school and wants to throw a pool party to invite him,” you laughed, reminiscing the phone call you had with Sunghoon the other day where he kept complaining for an hour straight how annoying it is to have a younger sibling going through puberty. When you had told him that he was like that as well once, he firmly denied it, being his usual stubborn self.

“She’s growing so fast! I wonder how protective Sunghoon will be once she actually starts dating.” Yunjin wiggles her eyebrows at you. You let out a dry chuckle in response, imagination running wild about how whiny he would be, pretending to be cold and scary when he was actually a soft, loving brother to Yeji.

“He will be the absolute worst.” You shook your head in amusement. You knew Sunghoon like the back of your hand, so you knew that he would absolutely freak out if a boy dared to hurt his little sister. It was probably a natural response, one you wouldn’t know as you don’t have any siblings, but he was exaggerating a bit. Sometimes you wondered if he just wanted to fit into the overprotective big brother trope.

“Hello ladies! What are we talking about?” Heeseung greeted after suddenly walking next to you. You smiled back at him and could see a familiar relief in his eyes, one that was probably coating all of your faces. Next semester would be Heeseung’s last one in college, so the pressure was on.

“Just how Sunghoon is going be the worst big brother once his sister starts dating.” Yunjin shrugged and Heeseung broke out in a chuckle because he definitely agrees. You almost felt bad for shading Sunghoon like that, but you enjoyed teasing him about it.

“Do I even want to know how this topic came up? There is more than enough time to shit-talk Sunghoon later, we should be discussing how excited we are for the summer break instead!” Heeseung jumped up and down and you realized just how giddy he was because he rarely acts this hyper.

“We were! It’s not that exciting for me though, because I’m not going to travel like you two,” you defended, making both of them exchange glances and scoff in unison.

“Please, you wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon anyway. It’s not like you don’t enjoy spending every day with him during summer break.” Yunjin laughed and you glared it her.

It was true, though. Sunghoon and you were inseparable like pen and paper ever since you were in middle school. You spent the majority of time at each other’s homes, to the point where you wondered which place you should actually call your home, his or your own? But during exam season, you usually spend less time with each other because you’re too busy studying. So it has become your ritual to spend the beginning of summer break together to make up for the lost time. It was easy too because that was usually the time everyone else travelled anyway.

The fact that you never grew tired of each other really amazed everyone around you. Rumors started spreading quickly that you might be secretly dating, or at least crushing on each other. You’ve always confidently turned down such rumors, but especially Heeseung and Yunjin persisted that something was going on between you two and loved teasing you about it.

“If it’s about what I think it is, I don’t want to hear it.” You warned, seeing the suggestive look in their eyes. You grew tired of always having to defend your friendship with Sunghoon. Maybe because deep down, there was some truth to it.

Sunghoon and you fit each other like a glove. You always knew what the other one thinks without having to articulate it, you can talk about everything without feeling judged and you balance each other out with your skills and knowledge.

It already started in middle school. Sunghoon was more skilled in creative subjects whereas you were good in trickier ones like mathematics or chemistry. You started tutoring each other quickly, which helped both of you get through high school. He helped you with your art projects whereas you explained his math homework to him.

Sunghoon was there during many difficult times as well. He was there when you experienced your first heartbreak, and he comforted you when your grandpa died who you cherished so deeply. Even years later, when you confessed that you’re still struggling with his death, Sunghoon was quick to drop everything and come over to you to help you get through it.

And if that wasn’t enough, Sunghoon also grew incredibly handsome as time passed. Puberty really turned him into the best version of himself and it was no wonder many girls at university swooned over him. So really, wasn’t he perfect boyfriend material?

“No.” You turned to Yunjin with a surprised face, confusion written over your features. “You finally need to confront your feelings. Even a blind person can see that the connection you have is more than just friendship.”

You rolled your eyes. There was nothing to confront in your opinion, which made you really question why they couldn’t just drop the topic. Though you sometimes wondered if the longing gaze from Sunghoon held more than you thought.

“Yeah whatever. Call me when you’ve handed in your papers!” You announced your departure, hugging Yunjin extra tight since you probably won’t see her again before her trip overseas. You promised to keep in touch before you separated from your friends to get on the bus to Sunghoon’s house. He didn’t have classes today, so he slept in and waited at home, promising you to celebrate the beginning of summer break with fresh watermelon.

“Lord have mercy.” You said with eyes as big as the watermelon in front of you. Sunghoon smiled cheekily, proudly presenting his purchase from the market. He posed like a model, and you slapped his arm playfully.

“That must have cost you a fortune.” You said feeling guilty, head dropping slightly. Sunghoon let out a tut at that.

“Don’t worry about it. Celebrating summer break is definitely worth it and much needed. I have to distract myself from wanting to curse at Professor Yoon.” Sunghoon exclaimed, the last part making you giggle quietly.

He expertly cut the watermelon in triangles and handed you a piece before sitting down opposite from you on the terrace. The sun had been cooking you and you wondered whether you will really survive a day at the pool. You really enjoyed spending time at Sunghoon’s house because of his big pool, but it stops being enjoyable once the temperatures hit a certain degree mark. The watermelon was not just needed as a way of celebrating, but also as a refreshment.

Once you took the first bite, you sighed in satisfaction, making Sunghoon suppress a laugh. You looked at him with a grim expression and cheeks stuffed like a squirrel.

“What?”

“Nothing, sounds like you really needed that one too. And you look cute with your mouth full.” He said, mimicking how your cheeks must have looked to him.

Yunjin and Heeseung might have classified that as flirting, but you knew Sunghoon was just bickering with you. He dropped comments like that from time to time, knowing you would always react with an annoyed expression.

“So, how is Yeji’s dating life going?” you taunted, trying to change the topic as you remembered the conversation you had with Yunjin and Heeseung earlier. Sunghoon’s smile dropped instantly and he groaned in annoyance.

“Don’t remind me. I told her to stay away from that prick but she is persistent.” He elaborated despite not wanting to have this conversation.

“You don’t even know him and call him a prick!” you laughed at your best friend being unreasonable, almost choking on your watermelon slice in the process. Sunghoon fixed you with a glare.

“I don’t have to know him to know he’s an idiot.” He defended but you could only raise a brow at him in response.

“Okay, you boy expert. You must know better.” You fake-praised but he brushed you off, taking another bite from his watermelon slice.

“I just want the best for my sister.” He said matter-of-factly, words almost unintelligible due to him chewing on his watermelon.

“I know, but you need to relax a little bit. Let her experience her first heartbreak if necessary and focus on your own miserable love life instead.” You joked, but Sunghoon grew tense upon hearing the second half of your sentence. He looked at you through his lashes, the way you acted completely unbothered by what you had just said irking him.

Once you finished eating you decided it would be too hot to stay outside, so you went to Sunghoon’s room to kill time. You plopped onto his bed while he was sorting some laundry, talking about everything and nothing. Unbeknownst to you, Sunghoon seemed stiff since earlier. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but you knew something was up with him today. It was like he was contemplating something.

For some reason, the topic of dating wouldn’t escape you today. Some time into the conversation, you drifted off to Yunjin’s boy escapades, laughing at the ridiculous stories she had told you.

You remembered Yunjin hooking up with that one guy from calculus, you guessed his name was Soobin, almost losing her virginity in a broom closet if it wasn’t for the janitor to catch them. She dropped him the moment she saw him drag another girl in said broom closet, able to imagine what was probably going on in there since she had first-hand experience. She never disclosed whether the janitor caught those two as well and you were oddly curious.

She started swiping on Tinder afterwards, meeting up with a guy whose name slipped from your memory, but you certainly remember the chaos that unfolded once she found out he was actually cheating on his girlfriend with her. For some reason, she was gravitating towards weird boys and she blamed it on them being Korean after a while.

So came Yunjin’s trip to Italy. It was honestly no surprise when she announced that she wants to start her “hot girl summer” experience with it. She started complaining about the lack of good-natured men around your campus and how she wants to try dating someone European. You started to question the intentions of her trip. Was it to relax and enjoy the Italian scenery, or was it to enjoy the Italian ‘scenery’?

“Maybe we should start our own hot girl and hot boy summer instead of being glued together all the time,” you fantasized absentmindedly, just the thought of it making you chuckle. You really weren’t the person to hit up strangers, and neither was he. Sunghoon tensed at your words, stopping in his tracks. His back was turned to you, but you could tell what you said stirred something in him. You patiently waited for his response, and he bit his lip, contemplating what to say.

“No, I don’t think that would be good.” he said quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. His breathing halted the moment you suggested getting to know other people.

“Why is that? I think you need to let go of the mysterious handsome guy image and finally get laid again.” you laughed, slightly confused by his changing demeanor.

“I don’t want to hook up with random girls.” He stated. At first, you didn’t think much of it. Sunghoon never seemed that interested in dating. He did have a short fling with a girl named Eunchae when he entered college, but it ended with a lot of tears and refusal to meet someone new. He tried to hook up here and there, but that stopped after a while too and you figured he might want to wait for a real girlfriend, not just some one-night stands with strangers.

It didn’t strike you how serious he was being about this. So, when he turned around to look at you, the atmosphere in the room shifted. His gaze held something you had never seen before. His gaze held so much, in fact, that it made you nervous. And like many times before, Sunghoon didn’t need to speak up for you to know what he meant. But unlike many times before, what he was thinking made your blood run cold.

“No.” you immediately blurted, eyes going wide in shock.

“Y/N, listen.” He rushed out once you started to get up from the bed.

“No, no. Sunghoon, please don’t.” you tried to shield from him, hoping it was all a misunderstanding. But things like misunderstandings weren’t in your code.

“Y/N it��s no use. We finally need to talk about this.”

“I think I’m going to be sick, I better go home,” you said, feeling the sudden urge to flee from the situation. You almost sprinted to the door and Sunghoon tried to block you from leaving his room, but you pushed him away in panic. As stubborn as he is, Sunghoon followed you suit, and you were glad that you two were alone at his house right now, because you wouldn’t want Yeji or his parents to overhear this conversation.

“Y/N please listen to me. I’ve started liking you a while ago already and I never said anything because I thought it wasn’t mutual. But sometimes I-… I just-… I got the feeling that we might have a chance as something more than friends. T-that you might want this too. I’ve waited so long for you to make a move and prove that I wasn’t imagining things and that you feel the same way for me. But it never happened, and I just can’t go on like this. I need you to know, okay?”

Sunghoon rambled so fast you almost couldn’t catch up with him, he blurted all that while you tried to get out of his house as quickly as possible. He kept going while you practically ran down the stairs, picking up your shoes and sliding into them. Before you turned the door knob of his front door, you turned around to look at him again. And it was a big mistake.

Sunghoon was wearing the most desperate expression you had ever witnessed. The fact that he just confessed to you made your stomach turn. You even noticed how his eyes turned glassy, was he crying? Disbelief was written over your face and all you could do was shake your head and say “No.” once more.

Something broke inside of Sunghoon when he became conscious of the fact that you were rejecting him at this moment. He mustered up the courage to tell you how he felt because everyone he had confined in told him you like him too and that he should finally tell you how he really feels. So, not only did he feel crushed by your rejection, but also by the backstab of his friends.

“Y/N I always thought we worked so well together, so I never understood why we couldn’t be more. Am I… Am I not good enough? I-is that the problem? If there is something I can change, let me know and I’ll-“

“Oh my God, Sunghoon, no. You’re literally perfect. I’m so grateful to have you by my side and I couldn’t be more thankful for all the times you comforted me and helped me to get out of trouble. You are honest and funny and- and you are committed, and I love you. But just not the way you want me to. I am sorry.” You interrupted him, feeling your eyes sting with tears, mirroring his. Sunghoon choked at your words. You realized at that moment that you haven’t seen him cry in ages. And to be the reason he was crying made you feel terrible.

“Please tell me why. I don’t understand.” He begged, sounding absolutely miserable while a tear managed to escape and run down his cheek slowly.

“I don’t know Sunghoon. I just don’t. We can’t ruin our friendship like this-”

“Who said this is ruining our friendship? Maybe we weren’t meant to be just friends in the first place!”

“Yes we were!” you snapped back at him, anger starting to bubble up inside of you, “Yes we were,” you repeated, more calmly this time, “don’t make this something it isn’t. Please.”

This was the moment you decided that you had to get out of there immediately. You couldn’t take the pressure anymore, the fact that he expected an answer from you. You were overwhelmed with the whole situation and couldn’t think straight, so your adrenaline rush decided for flight instead of fight. You quickly turned the door knob and rushed out of his home, leaving him behind.

“Y/N, wait!” was his last attempt to keep you by his side, but he was met with a door being slammed in his face instead. He stared at his front door in disbelief, trying to process what had just unfolded. How he ruined everything. Sunghoon wanted to hit himself for speaking up, he figured that he should have just stayed quiet instead. But it was eating at him how he was silently pining for you and you never reacted the way he wanted you to. It confused him how you always scoffed at him whenever he complimented you but enjoyed cuddling with him during your regular movie nights.

He always wondered if he was making everything up, if you weren’t giving him potential signs at all and he just interpreted them the wrong way. Yet, when he opened up to Jake about his crush for you Jake didn’t seem surprised and said that everyone knew you both liked each other. Emphasis on both. After some time passed, Jake reassured Sunghoon that it was no use pining like this and that he was sure you two were destined to be together. Sunghoon was still scared shitless because there was still the possibility of you rejecting him. And whatever happens, he can’t afford to lose you because of his stupid feelings.

Sunghoon can’t even remember when he started liking you. It randomly hit him one day when you were wiping some ketchup off his mouth after eating fries and his heart began to race uncontrollably. He started noticing how pretty your eyes and lips were, how well you carried yourself, how quick-witted you were and how you always seemed to be at ease when you were around him. He had an ability to calm you down that no one else had. And Sunghoon managed to mistake it for mutual interest.

Once you slammed the door in his face you stood in front of his house for a few minutes, trying to sort out your thoughts and get your feet to move. The gears in your head were turning at lightning speed and you couldn’t believe what had just happened. Wasn’t this what you always wanted?

You speculated if there was something more than friendship forming between you two from time to time. You started paying closer attention to Sunghoon’s small habits and the way he acts around you, appreciating the way he always puts your needs first and makes sure you’re always sorted first before he worries about himself. When your friends started asking about what you and Sunghoon were, you were quick to answer that you were just best friends, but you always questioned why they would ask that if you simply gave off friendship energy.

Sunghoon had everything you would look for in a partner. So why were you rejecting him? You never even calculated the possibility of him liking you back, and the sole idea of it made heat rush to your ears. For whatever reason it seemed so impossible to you that Sunghoon could hold similar feelings for you that you blatantly rejected any chance of you two getting into a relationship, pushing your feelings aside in the process. It annoyed you that your friends kept pushing you towards each other when it was clear as day to you that Sunghoon didn’t feel the same. For your own sanity, you couldn’t accept anything else.

It's been over two weeks since Sunghoon confessed to you. And ever since then, you two didn’t talk to each other at all. It was the longest time you went without texting, calling and seeing each other. And you hated every bit of it. You missed Sunghoon like crazy, not talking to him felt like torture.

“You wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon.“

You hated how your friend was right. But you couldn’t bring yourself to text or call him, let alone appear at his house. He was probably hoping for you to reach out because he didn’t contact you either. To be fair, it was your turn after you ran away from him like that. But to put it simply, you had no clue how to address this situation.

You had spent the last couple of days rereading your text messages, smiling at all the fond memories you made and the stupid memes you constantly shared with each other. It made your heart ache for him even more and you started being angry at him for ruining a perfectly fine friendship. Things should have just stayed the way they were and the fact that everything was different now bothered you to no end.

Apart from missing Sunghoon, you also felt incredibly bored. With Yunjin and Heeseung being out of the country, your closest friends were all unavailable and all you did was lay in bed all day and reminiscence old times. You wondered how this shift in Sunghoon and your relationship would affect the whole friend group dynamic. Did you just doom more than one friendship?

Your boredom got to the point where you considered texting friends you rarely hang out with out of pure desperation. However, you didn’t manage to send out the text messages you had written and rewritten several times. You felt like you sounded too eager and decided to just continue decaying in your room, hoping that Sunghoon will find the courage to reach out to you first.

When you felt your phone vibrate next to you, you have never been so fast to check who messaged you, obviously hoping that your and Sunghoon’s telepathy had worked once again and he was the one to reach out. When you were met with a notification from Ningning, you were slightly disappointed, to say the least. Nevertheless, you opened her message.

Ningning~: Hey Y/N! I haven’t heard from you in a while so I wanted to reach out again. How is your summer break? Are you in town? I wanted to ask if you would like to join me tomorrow. There’s a party hosted by Yeonjun and I thought maybe you’d like to come too! Just let me know xx

You sighed. You really weren’t in the mood to party. But you were also dying of boredom, so should you just ignore the offer you got at being less lonely and having some fun? Maybe it can distract you from this whole Sunghoon situation. Alcohol was always a good way to drown your feelings, right? Wrong, but who cares.

You: Hey Ning, thanks for reaching out! I’d love to go! Just text me the details and I’ll be there x

You cringed. It didn’t sound like you at all. You hoped she wouldn’t notice and ask what’s wrong because you only wanted to talk to Yunjin about this at the moment. You considered calling her, but she already announced on the first day of her trip that the internet is really bad and she probably won’t be able to call or text much. Great.

To your surprise, Ningning didn’t notice your strange demeanor, texted you all the important information and before you knew it, you were standing in front of Choi Yeonjun’s apartment. You took the chance to actually style yourself for once, usually being too lazy to put in any effort to look good during the summer break. It did give you a boost of confidence, but you still weren’t sure if the party was a good idea.

And you realized it definitely wasn’t a good idea when you entered the apartment and the first thing you saw was Park Sunghoon standing at the other end of the hallway talking to a friend. As if he had a radar for you, he immediately locked eyes with you from across the hallway. You couldn’t read his expression but noticed how you stared at each other for a solid five seconds. Your skin burned under his gaze and you couldn’t hold eye contact any longer, quickly disappearing from his sight into another room. Ningning was quick to organize drinks for you and she did an amazing job at chatting you up, making you forget about your unplanned encounter with Sunghoon.

Of course, Sunghoon was at the party. What did you expect? He’s close with Yeonjun, and the fact that you couldn’t put two and two together before going to the party baffled you. But it was too late to run away now, and you decided to just try and ignore Sunghoon as much as possible. To your surprise, you really didn’t catch a glimpse of him for the rest of the evening. In fact, everything started to blur once Karina joined you and Ningning with a round of shots. Afterwards, you continued downing shots like no tomorrow and before you knew it, you were seriously drunk.

You did know your limit and you stopped once you noticed how close you were to feeling sick, but that didn’t change the fact that you developed some mobility problems. You decided to sit down in the living room, but the moment your body met the sofa you started dissociating. With no idea how much time had passed since you plopped yourself on Yeonjun’s sofa, you were only pulled out of your trance when you were met with four pairs of eyes in front of you. Your vision was blurry and when you tried your best to make out who it was, you regretted it.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Sunghoon asked, a worried expression painting his face. Ningning was next to him, she probably called him over because she didn’t know what to do. You blinked at him several times before you carefully picked your words, trying not to sound too drunk.

“Yeah, I’m great!” you yelled over the music with a smile, so loud that the people around you took notice of your state as well. Sunghoon sighed, he really wasn’t in the best state either, but he immediately sobered up a bit once Ningning asked for his help to get you home.

“Let me take you home, okay? Come on.” He reached out his hand for you and you had to focus really hard to be able to take it. Once you stood up you started swaying, noticing again just how much alcohol was in your system. Sunghoon detected your difficulty to simply stand straight as well, holding your lower arm to keep you from tipping over. He gently guided you to the door, mumbling something about how walking might be better for you to sober up.

The moment you went outside you took notice of the brisk air. It cooled down a lot and you were surprised how much it smelled like rain without actually having rained. You took a deep breath which helped you follow Sunghoon who kept a close eye on you. Whenever you were dangerously close to tripping, he would hold your arm to steady you and you quietly thanked him every time.

It was a long walk, and you didn’t exchange a word. However, it seemed to be a comfortable silence. You could feel tension between you two, but you knew that you weren’t in the right mind to discuss the depths of your relationship now. Yet, you wanted to test the water and whether there was bad blood between you two.

You decided to purposefully bump into him and when he looked at you in confusion, you just smiled playfully at him. It didn’t take him 2 seconds to reciprocate your smile and bump into you as a form of revenge. To his surprise, you still lost your balance faster than expected and almost landed face first on the ground. Sunghoon was quick to catch you and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh God, sorry!” he let out a breathy laugh and you couldn’t help but laugh with him, shaking your head to signal him it’s okay.

With a more lighthearted atmosphere you continued your descent to your home. It didn’t take you long to feel the cold air biting at your skin and with goosebumps grazing your body you confessed to Sunghoon that you felt cold. Unfortunately, Sunghoon didn’t bring a jacket with him either. Because his house was closer to Yeonjun’s apartment than yours, he offered to take you in for the night. Considering the tension between you, you were caught off guard by his offer, but accepted it nevertheless.

Once you made it to his house you rushed inside quickly. Sunghoon was home alone for the week because his parents and sister went to a holiday camp Sunghoon didn’t bother to join. You instantly felt home and realized how much you missed not only being by his side but also at his house.

“Is it okay if I shower?” you said, slightly sobered up but still a bit wobbly on your legs.

“Promise me you won’t drown?” Sunghoon asked sarcastically, there was a seriousness in his glance that told you he was only half-joking. You nodded in response and rushed to the bathroom.

When you got out of the shower you felt really hot suddenly, so Sunghoon offered to sit on the balcony for a bit. You sat down right at the edge, letting your feet dangle over it. Sunghoon joined you, not sparing you a glance but rather focusing on the clear sky above you.

You didn’t speak for a while, and you questioned whether it was a comfortable silence or not. You gulped nervously before you scraped together all the courage you had left.

“I’m sorry that I stormed out of your house the other day.”

You hoped your words didn’t sound too slurred and Sunghoon would understand it as a sincere apology and when you glanced at him you noticed how he smiled slightly, still not looking at you.

“It’s okay.”

A small smile crept up on your lips as you kept your eyes on him, examining his features. You never noticed until now just how pretty his moles are, they are a perfect addition to his face. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol in your system, but you were suddenly craving to be near him.

Even though there were unspoken words between you, you decided to shuffle closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder. He jumped slightly for a second, not expecting the sudden affection, but he relaxed under you quickly, keeping his eyes on the sky. You didn’t know how much his heart was racing, but yours was uncontrollably beating out of your chest as well. You never felt this nervous around him before and you blamed it on the alcohol and the overall tension. Your heart was beating so fast because you were scared to lose him, right?

After a while, you noticed him shifting beneath you, turning his head towards you. You did the same and only noticed then just how close your faces were to each other’s. You could feel his breath on your face and figured that it would only take a few millimeters to close the distance between you two. Suddenly you were hyper aware of his every move, noticing how his eyes flickered between your own and your lips. You ended up doing the same, taking notice of the way his lips slightly parted, letting out a nervous huff.

The tension between you felt insufferable and you didn’t know where the sudden urge to kiss him came from. Sunghoon was slowly closing the distance between you two, giving you enough time to pull away. When he noticed that you weren’t going to, he finally captured his lips with yours. The kiss was slow and cautious, as if he was afraid you would still change your mind. His soft lips grazed yours and you needed more, becoming intoxicated by his scent. When your hand went up to his neck, he took that as a sign to deepen the kiss.

You don’t know how long you’ve kissed, but you only separated to gasp for air quickly before connecting your lips once again. You never felt a bliss like this before and started exploring his mouth as if you’d have to remember it because he could disappear from your grasp at any moment. Soon enough, your hands were all over each other and you figured that the balcony wasn’t comfortable, so you moved to Sunghoon’s bed to continue your makeout session.

You situated yourself on his lap and his hands wandered to your hips straight away, keeping you in place. You felt like you weren’t close enough, so you moved forwards, brushing your clothed core against his, eliciting a small gasp from him. When you noticed how a bulge was forming underneath you, you moved again, feeling Sunghoon’s hands on your hips tightening and guiding you on his crotch. The room filled with heavy breathing and before you knew it, you were dry humping him, feeling his erection grow beneath you.

Sunghoon quickly decided to attack your jaw and kiss down your neck, moving on to your shoulder while pushing the strap of your bra and top to the side to gain better access. You whimpered slightly, feeling overwhelmed by his ministrations. His hands were exploring every curve on your body and left behind a burning sensation on every part of bare skin he touched. When he reached the hem of your shirt again, he pulled away to look at you, pushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“Do you really want to do this?” he whispered, searching for any sign of discomfort in your eyes. Your pupils were probably as blown as his, telling him all he needed to know, but he only continued once you nodded eagerly. You never expected Sunghoon to make you feel like this, and you couldn’t stop yourself no matter how hard you tried. So with your shirt gone, the rest of your clothes was soon to follow.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache, wincing slightly once you gained consciousness again. You did drink a lot, but you were still surprised how strong your hangover was. Taking notice of Sunghoon’s posters on the wall you didn’t think much, recalling how he brought you to his place because you were cold. However, when you noticed an arm around your waist, you froze. You slowly turned around to face Sunghoon, who was still dozing off next to you. Suddenly, you remembered what had happened last night. Images of you touching, exploring, feeling each other flooded your memory and your eyes almost popped out of your skull.

What did you do?! This wasn’t planned at all. You wanted to talk it out with him when the time was right and you both were sober again, not take it to the next level like this. Your breathing became uneven, and you noticed how a shiver ran down your spine.

As if on cue, Sunghoon stirred slightly, opening his eyes. When he looked at you still half-asleep, it was like he was staring at his most prized possession, and it overwhelmed you immediately.

“Good morning” he croaked out, voice still laced with sleep and a small smile playing on his lips. He closed his eyes again to stretch his body a bit, and when he finally opened his eyes fully to look at you, his expression dropped instantly. You just stared at him in shock and he felt his breath getting caught in his throat. He did not like that look at all.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, totally dreading your answer.

“What happened last night?” you asked, a question that was totally useless to ask since you already knew.

“You don’t remember?” Sunghoon questioned, noticing how his blood started running cold.

“I do, I just-“ you couldn’t find the words to express your thoughts right now. The whole situation stressed you out again, and you felt like you took advantage of Sunghoon when you both weren’t stone-cold sober.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” The moment he asked that question, you felt his touch on your skin again, the way he was holding you so carefully as if you were made out of porcelain. No matter how you twisted and turned it, you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it. You did, very much in fact. But you still didn’t want it to happen, not like this.

“I- I did. It’s just… I felt like it was a mistake.” You said as you were slowly getting up, his arm that was around your side flopping down on the bed.

Hearing that sentence felt like being shot right in the chest, and Sunghoon slowly got up as well, looking at you in disbelief.

“Why would you say that?” he prompted carefully, trying to keep calm while noticing how you were collecting your jeans from the floor and squeezing yourself into them. This scene looked oddly familiar and Sunghoon started panicking.

“It shouldn’t have happened. Not like this. I’m sorry, I think I should go,” you managed to choke out, feeling like your airflow was cut off because you were so conflicted.

“Don’t do this to me. Not again.” He said, his voice becoming strict, a tone he had never used on you before.

You really didn’t want to do this to him. Not again. But something in you told you that this was a slip up, that you shouldn’t stay there, that you made a wrong decision under the influence. You didn’t know why you were so eager to get out of there, because deep down you knew this was exactly what you wanted. You craved him, now more than ever, but you manipulated yourself into thinking this wasn’t right. In your mind, you were ruining a perfectly fine friendship by hooking up with your best friend after a few shots of alcohol. You completely ignored the fact that he made the move on you again.

Ignoring his advances, you kept getting dressed, ready to leave until you were stopped by your best friend.

“Y/N, stop.” Sunghoon warned, once again using the tone you only heard him use on Yeji when she was being naughty. You gulped anxiously, turning around to face him. He stood in front of you in only his sweatpants, his milky skin glowing in the morning sun. He looked ethereal, and you hated it.

“I don’t get it. You apologized to me, craved being near me and I had the feeling you were just as into it as I was last night. And now you want to run from me again. What is going on?” he demanded an answer, and you could hear how frustrated he was. He ran a hand through his hair waiting for your response and all you could do was sigh.

“I don’t know, Sunghoon. I need time to think, okay?!” you were getting agitated because you realized you had no argument against it. Yes, you wanted this, yes you enjoyed it. And yet, you were terrified of the consequences. Of how quickly this escalated. Of how easily you managed to turn your friendship upside down.

“So I was good enough for a fuck and now you’re gonna dump me again? Is that it?” Sunghoon spat, and you were shocked at how petty he was getting. You had never witnessed him that angry before, not even with Yeji. He did rage from time to time, but never like this. And the fact that his anger was directed at you made your skin crawl.

“God, no! Don’t make conclusions like that. I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship, is it that hard to understand?!” your frustration was reflected in your raising volume, making Sunghoon flinch slightly. When you waited for Sunghoon’s reaction, you were stunned to see that he was laughing. A small chuckle escaped his lips before he clenched his jaw, looking at you with a gaze so cold it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Y/N. We already did.”

You gulped again, your shoulders that you had unconsciously raised in the heat of the argument relaxing when you smiled bitterly at him and nodded, tears blurring your vision.

“That’s too bad then.” You said in an unexpectedly calm voice before turning around and slamming the door of his room, leaving him behind just the way you did two weeks ago.

When Yunjin rang on your doorbell, she couldn’t wait to recite her trip in every detail. Apart from the beautiful cities she visited, the boys she got to know in Italy were also something to talk about. There was so much to unpack from that trip that she announced a meeting of minimum 3 hours and told you to prepare snacks and drinks.

You were happy that Yunjin was finally back, especially after everything that happened between you and Sunghoon. There has been complete radio silence once again, since you were 100% sure he was incredibly mad at you and called your friendship quits after this. At first you were weirdly okay with the situation until it hit you a few days later that you guys had ruined your year-long friendship with some drunk sex. You were still in denial about him confessing to you and you reciprocating his feelings, instead you blamed the night you two kissed and jumped to base four right after for the end of your friendship.

The worst part for you was that you felt like you couldn’t go back. Even if you admitted that this was what you craved, even if you apologized for the ways you pushed him away even though you didn’t mean it, the way the recent events unfolded made it impossible to start a healthy relationship. Everything turned so messy so quickly that you felt like you lost control of the situation and now that you might be able to regain it, it’s too late. Sunghoon looked at you with a sense of disappointment you will never forget. It haunted you at night.

So, you were glad that Yunjin was finally back because you needed a shoulder to cry on. You missed her like crazy and you hoped she had a better summer break than you did so far to distract you from your misery. But with the way she proclaimed her return, you were sure she had a lot of funny stories to share.

What Yunjin didn’t expect when you opened your apartment door was how awful you looked. Hair disheveled, eyes glassy, the bags under your eyes looking alarmingly dark. Nevertheless, she couldn’t hide her excitement.

“Girl!” she screeched, embracing you before you could take a good look at her. The hugs she gave were always extreme, but they were especially tight when you haven’t seen each other in a while. Once she separated from you and took another look at you, she knew something was wrong.

“You look terrible, what is going on?” she questioned, fixing the strands of hair that were in the wrong place. The deep sigh you let out was more than worrying to her and you could tell she was on edge immediately.

“It’s a long story, tell me about your holiday first!” you tried to chime but the exhaustion in your voice was evident. You took the bag she brought with her out of her hand and went to the living room, settling on the sofa where she joined you.

“No, my recap can wait. What’s wrong?” she was quick to clarify. Another sigh from your side. Where to begin?

“I slept with Sunghoon.” Wow. That was the worst part to begin with. Congratulations. The way Yunjin’s mouth dropped and her eyes went wide didn’t help at all.

“WHAT???” she asked in disbelief. When she realized that you weren’t joking, she threw her arms in the air.

“Fucking finally! I told you, you two were meant to be together! How was it? Is he a good kisser? How did this even happen? Oh my God I’m so excited Y/N I need to know all the details! This is so good!!” Yunjin squealed and her excitement scared the shit out of you. How were you going to explain to her that this was nothing like she wished for?

She looked at you expectantly, but you only stared at her with an apologetic look. Her excitement died down soon and she mirrored your expression, a pout forming on her lips.

“Wait, it is not good?” It was a rhetorical question, really. If it was a good thing, you wouldn’t look this miserable and instead be glowing or something. You could tell the gears in her head were turning. Suddenly her eyes were widening again and she put her hands over her mouth in shock.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” This actually made you chuckle. Now she was thinking way too far.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not pregnant.” You clarified, unable to hide your smile because you couldn’t believe how dramatic she was being.

“Then what is it?” she asked impatiently and you decided it might be best to start from the beginning. You recalled your last two encounters with Sunghoon, and you felt like Yunjin has never listened to you with such interest. A girl was invested.

When you finished Yunjin sighed heavily, her face dropping the more the story progressed. You had a pleading look in your eyes, begging for her advice.

“Girl, why did you make everything so complicated?” she finally asked and you were a bit appalled that she was attacking you.

“What do you mean, I did? Sunghoon started this.” You clarified, slightly offended.

“No honey, Sunghoon came clean about the feelings he’s been harboring for you for quite some time, something you’re still in denial about.” Yunjin pointed out and rightfully so. Sunghoon did what you couldn’t do: admit your feelings for him.

“But he shouldn’t have. We were totally fine and he had to make it awkward. The fact that we drunkenly slept with each other didn’t help at all.” You dropped your head in your hands. “I feel like we overstepped a line by having sex.” Yunjin was quick to shake her head.

“Y/N, you already overstepped a line when you started catching feelings for each other. I just don’t understand why you push him away like that when you like him too.” She reasoned, articulating your thoughts.

“I’m not sure if I really want this. We’ve been friends for so long, I need him by my side no matter what.” You replied, chewing on your lip nervously.

“So you’re scared that your relationship might not work out and you’ll lose him as a friend?”

“I think so. I just don’t want our friendship to be ruined over a stupid slipup. Maybe we mistake our feelings for platonic love and wouldn’t work out as a couple at all. And then we binned a totally fine friendship for no reason.” You noticed how verbalizing your worries really helped you deal with the whole situation. You debated this way too much on your own already, it was high time for another opinion.

“I get where you’re coming from. But you must view it from this perspective: You have the most important basis for a good relationship. Trust and good communication. Well, the latter until fairly recently at least. You hang out a lot and don’t get tired of each other. You can openly talk to him about everything. He’s always on your mind. There’s pretty much only the physical part missing. Which is why I need to ask if you didn’t enjoy it now that you got physically closer to him as well?”

It was like Yunjin was stating the obvious, but she helped you realize that there was not much to be afraid of. You felt safe around him and he felt safe around you and that was the most important thing. But you still were so hesitant, why?

“No, I definitely enjoyed it.” In fact, you’ve been thinking about nothing else but how soft his skin felt on yours and how pretty his lips are. And you felt like this made everything even more difficult, because there was still something keeping you from committing to him fully when there were so many indicators that you’re meant to be.

“Well then, you’re standing in your own way. I know you’re terrified that this might go wrong, but it will certainly go wrong if you don’t fix this. You both deserve to be happy. And personally, I think you’re happy if you’re together. Look what being apart from him does to you.” Yunjin pointed out, looking you up and down. You scoffed but knew she was right.

“I just don’t know how to fix it. I feel like it’s too late. He already waited too long and probably gave up on us.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. You can’t just drop someone that quickly. He’s probably struggling just as much as you.”

“You did what?!” Jake asked in shock, similar to Yunjin’s reaction.

“I confessed, and she rejected me. Twice.” Sunghoon repeated, kind of embarrassed.

“Dude, I can’t believe this. I always thought she liked you back.” Jake furrowed his brows, pondering whether he had also misinterpreted your behavior. To him, it was clear as day that you both shared a mutual romantic interest in each other but were too shy to address it. So, when Sunghoon revealed what he had done, he initially got excited.

“Yeah well, I thought so too, especially since we had sex that one night after a party and-“

“You guys had sex???”

“Jake… ugh. Yes, we did. We were both a bit drunk though.” Sunghoon reasoned but the sparkle in Jake’s eyes told him it was to no avail.

“I’m impressed, not gonna lie. You confessed and then jumped straight to base four. Did you learn from me?” Jake couldn’t help but laugh, he found that situation way too amusing for Sunghoon’s liking.

“Man, what even is base four… anyway. The point is, she said she wanted this and also admitted she enjoyed it, but she basically fled the scene the next morning and hasn’t been reaching out since. I just don’t fucking know anymore.” Sunghoon ruffled his hair in frustration and let out a deep groan. Just the thought of you leaving him behind in his room shattered his heart into a million pieces.

He just didn’t understand it. He was on cloud nine when you nodded that you wanted this too, pupils blown wide and breathing uneven. He could feel your heart pounding like crazy, similar to his own. The way you were holding him gave him all the cues he needed to claim you as his. And yet, you slipped from his embrace hours later. What could there possibly be that kept you from being with him? All the signs were there that you felt the same. Or so he thought.

“Maybe she’s scared. You’ve been friends for quite some time, I wouldn’t want to throw that away lightheartedly either just because I was horny and drunk one night.”

“But I don’t see why this wouldn’t work. We worked perfectly fine the last couple of years as friends. We literally complete each other. What more could you want?”

“It’s still commitment, Hoon. Friendships are easier to keep and end than relationships. I think Y/N wants to protect herself from possible heartbreak by keeping you in the friendzone.” Jake reasoned, and Sunghoon wondered when he became so intelligent.

“So, we’re ignoring the fact that she is breaking my heart in the process?”

“Of course not. And it’s on you how much time you give her to make a decision. Do what’s best for you. If you feel like this drains you more than you could get out of it, it’s best to cut ties. You guys overstepped the line now anyway.” Sunghoon was surprised by Jake’s reply, it felt like the wisest advice he had ever given. When he told Jake about his feelings the very first time, his friend was less helpful.

Sunghoon felt like the world was caving in on him and he finally needed to break out of his shell, finally confide in someone what has been bothering him lately. Whenever you guys planned a meeting, he was more excited than usual to see you. And when he did, he felt butterflies in his stomach whenever you laughed. When you hugged or cuddled on the couch, he noticed how he always wanted it to last longer, for him to be even closer to you. Whenever you made a stupid joke and bickered with him, he couldn’t help but laugh, enjoying every second of being with you.

He didn’t know what was happening to him. It scared him that somehow, he wanted more from you than before. More attention, more laughter, more contact. You were on his mind 24/7. He started noticing the smallest things about you. How you changed your clothing style over time. How you did your hair a little differently, playing around with various simple but pretty hairstyles. He noticed overall how good you looked.

Sunghoon paid attention to details he never cared about before. He started complimenting you more because he felt like he needed to point out that he noticed whenever you changed something about yourself or put in that extra effort to get ready. And he was the proudest when you smiled at him and thanked him for the compliment. Though, you soon stopped taking it seriously and figured it was probably just part of your bickering.

The way his feelings for you changed confused him and after a while of dealing with it himself, he finally needed another opinion. When he called Jake to ask if he could come over because he needed help, the latter was surprised, to say the least. Sunghoon rarely talked about his worries, and when he did, he talked about them with you and not Jake. So, what could it possibly be that made him choose Jake over you?

Oh yeah, well, that. Once Sunghoon laid out to Jake how he certainly noticed something shifted whenever he is with you he could only but chuckle, leaving Sunghoon with a perplexed stare.

“Nice bro, you finally noticed? You’re pretty much the last one to do so.”

“What do you mean?” Sunghoon asked, confusion written all over his face. Jake couldn’t help but giggle and shake his head at his oblivious friend.

Basically everyone had noticed how you two got a lot closer suddenly, which caused rumors to start spreading that you secretly started dating. Jake and Jay even had a bet going who asked the other out first and he couldn’t wait for Sunghoon to confess that he was in fact dating you.

Everyone had noticed. Everyone but you two.

“You got to be kidding me. You so obviously like her, it wasn’t necessarily hard to spot.” Jake pointed out, which made Sunghoon’s eyes grow big. He gulped nervously, unconsciously playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Do you think she knows too?” Sunghoon asked, his brows knit together. What if you knew and chose to ignore it? Talking to Jake made Sunghoon realize that the shift in his behavior around you correlated with a shift in his feelings for you. He liked you. And he knew he was screwed before Jake could answer.

“Nah dude. She probably is just as oblivious as you.” Jake clicked his tongue nonchalantly. That somehow made Sunghoon release a breath of relief.

“What do you reckon I should do?” Sunghoon questioned. He couldn’t believe he was asking Jake, a retired but previously notorious player, for dating advice. Only Chaewon was able to get him interested in the actual dating life, but he proved miserable at that. Chaewon could handle it, fortunately, but Jake wasn’t the best person to talk about feelings. He didn’t do those until fairly recently.

“I don’t know, just wait and see what happens.” Yeah, Jake was really useless in that field.

“You’re not helping.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes in annoyance, making Jake raise his hands in defense.

“Bro, what do you want me to say? Confess and run into a disaster because chances are she doesn’t like you back? I personally think it’s mutual by the way she behaves, but who am I to judge.” He reasoned and Sunghoon nodded understandingly.

He had no choice but to observe your behavior from now on to find any clue whether you like him too. Jake was absolute garbage at giving advice, but Sunghoon decided to cut him some slack this time since it actually seemed the right thing to do. Damn, what has Chaewon done to him?

Sunghoon answered the same back then as he did now.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

16 new messages in squaaaaad

Chaewonie ❤️: Guys, we haven’t had a cinema night in ages and they switched up the screening offer at our trusted cinema! How about dinner together with a cinema night as a squad now that we’ve all returned?

Hee Hee (seung): only if you promise not to make out with Jake three minutes into the movie

Ikeu: rude???

Ikeu: anyway, I’m in!

Meme Queen 😎: of course you are.

Ikeu: what’s with the disrespect today

Jjongsaeng: count me in too! dinner at our usual ahjumma? <3

Chaewonie ❤️: Obviously, I’ve been craving her Jjamppong the last few days!

DDEONU: I’m in too! so dinner’s on chaewon then?

Chaewonie ❤️: Dream about it Sunoo

Zuhaaa: count me in too

DDEONU: just checked the screenings, let’s go watch the new barbie movie!!

Hee Hee (seung): I changed my mind I won’t go

DDEONU: 😒

Meme Queen 😎: I’m in too by the way and I’m not a whiny little bitch like Heeseung so Barbie is fine

Hee Hee (seung) left the group chat

Meme Queen 😎: exactly what I’m talking ‘bout

You couldn’t help but chuckle at your stupid friends. Yunjin, who had her head in your lap, was similarly laughing at the text messages, especially when she added Heeseung back to the group chat and he started whining even more.

“Aren’t you going to write anything?” Yunjin prompted without looking at you.

“I don’t know if I’m going.” You admitted shyly, biting your lip. That made Yunjin turn her head to look at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Girl, don’t even think about cancelling.” She warned. You exhaled, throwing your phone away and running both hands over your face.

“Look, I just don’t want to make it awkward if Sunghoon is there.” You tried to explain, but Yunjin wasn’t buying it at all.

“Nah babe, we’re not doing that. Don’t destroy our friendship group because of something like that. Plus, it could be an opportunity to talk things out with Sunghoon.”

“If he joins.” You said absentmindedly. Yunjin clicked her tongue.

“And if he doesn’t then that’s on him and we’re going to have fun without him. But don’t ruin fun for yourself because he might be there. I know you want to go.” Ugh, you hated that Yunjin was (almost) always right.

“Fine.” You groaned.

Meme Queen 😎: I’m dragging Y/N along too

You cringed at the way Yunjin put it, but she wasn’t completely wrong. You weren’t too excited to go, because you had a bad feeling this could turn ugly if Sunghoon was to show up as well. Yes, it was a squad meeting, but you still had no idea how to act around him, let alone how he would act around you. Additionally, not everyone knew what went down. Yunjin had briefly updated Heeseung without too many details and you guessed Sunghoon might have told Jake, but other than that, no one was aware of the recent events. How awkward would that get?

Quite awkward. Sunghoon had announced that he would be coming as well, and since Yunjin already told everyone that you would be there too you had no way to back out of it. You persisted that you would show up together with Heeseung, too afraid that you might be the first to arrive and Sunghoon being second or the other way around.

To your surprise, Sunghoon was one of the last to arrive, very unlike him since he was always over-punctual. When you exchanged glances, a shiver ran down your spine. You tried to decipher his look but couldn’t, it held an emotion you had never seen before. You couldn’t hold his gaze either, quickly looking at Jake to greet him.

When Kazuha arrived at last, you went inside the restaurant to finally grab a bite. You only noticed then that you were starving, instantly plopping down on the first spot you saw. Yunjin sat down to your left and Jay aimed at joining you on your right, only to retreat while mumbling something about how Sunghoon is going to sit there anyway. It wasn’t intentional, Sunghoon and you always claimed to sit next to each other and sent grim looks to everyone who tried to get in your way. But this time was different.

Sunghoon and you exchanged shaky glances, still that undecipherable look in his eyes and with a small gulp, he situates himself on the other side of the table instead of next to you. This move earned confused glances from half the group, and you simply nodded with a sad expression coating your face. So that’s what we’re doing now, you thought. Great.

Thankfully, no one commented Sunghoon’s odd move and everyone sat down instead, Jay reclaiming the spot next to you. You could feel the tension at the table, something was in the air and everyone noticed. But no one dared to speak up. Those who knew just exchanged worried glances and those who didn’t simply looked confused. There was an unusual silence at the table before Chaewon finally managed to break the silence by asking what everyone wants to eat.

You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding and the whole situation drained you from the get-go. How were you going to survive the rest of the evening after such a bumpy start? You tried not to stare at Sunghoon too much and whenever you caught a glimpse of him looking at you, you panicked and looked away instantly. Sunghoon wasn’t any better, acting quite absentminded until Jake bumped him under the table. With a demanding glance Sunghoon knew immediately what he was trying to tell him. Jake, similar to Yunjin, made it clear that no fun was cut from the evening just because of your miserable situation. Sunghoon tried his best to join the conversation, but everyone could tell that something was weird.

After a rather awkward meal you made your way to the cinema, Yunjin linking arms with you as you tried to calm your nerves. This wasn’t going to be easy. The fact that everyone noticed the tension between you and Sunghoon made you incredibly nervous and you figured that you had to talk about it sooner or later tonight.

When you reached the cinema and the mood was still off, your body acted faster than your mind. Without hesitation, you grabbed Sunghoon’s arm, who looked at you quite alarmed. With a gaze that conveyed “Can we talk?” Sunghoon quickly nodded and followed you behind the cinema. Yunjin and Jake quickly exchanged knowing yet uneasy glances when they saw you disappear behind the building.

Once you reached the backside of the cinema, you stopped in your tracks. Not noticing how you still held onto Sunghoon’s arm, only his verbal reminder brought you back to reality.

“You can let go now.” It scared you how cold he sounded. You didn’t know if it was the unusually chilly night or if his voice really lacked the warmth you were so used to. You realized that you had to face him sooner or later, back still turned to him. You knew that turning around and looking at him will most likely break you and you were right.

When you made eye contact, you kept seeing a look in his eyes that you couldn’t decode. You usually could guess his opinion on things or his overall mood by how he looked at you or others, but this was different. This was a look he had never worn before, and it scared you.

And you made another dreadful realization. Shit. You hadn’t prepared this conversation at all. You had brought him here and were now at a loss of words. He looked at you expectantly, obviously waiting for you to talk first since you were the one who dragged him there in the first place. Your brain was short-circuiting, so you blurted the first thing to pop up in your mind.

“Hi.” Mentally facepalming yourself, you closed your eyes and shook your head. Sunghoon didn’t react to that at all either, waiting for you to actually articulate what you want to tell him.

“Look, we need to talk.” Is all you could choke out in nervousness, your voice betraying you by breaking in the middle of the sentence.

“We do?” Sunghoon’s question caught you off-guard and you looked at him generally confused.

“Yes, don’t you think so?” you prompted in disbelief. Sunghoon shrugged.

“Oh I did, but you don’t strike me as the person who wants to talk about this anymore after last time.” He admitted and you cringed at his words. You realized at that moment that you did know that tone of his. He used that exact tone when breaking up with Eunchae, a conversation you overheard as he wanted you nearby when it happened. It’s the voice he uses when he’s built a barrier to protect himself.

He's built a barrier. The fact that he felt like he needs to protect himself from you emotionally ripped your heart out, but then again you couldn’t blame him. Everything you did made this a justifiable response. And you were to make it worse.

“Sunghoon.” You called out to him weakly and his gaze softened for a split second upon hearing you call his name in such desperation. “I didn’t want this to happen. Not like this, believe me,” you said while taking a step towards him.

He didn’t back off, and you took that as a sign to continue.

“I never wanted to lose you as a friend, the thought of it makes me sick, and I panicked when you suddenly confessed. I didn’t know how to act so I chose to run away.” You tried to explain your point of view and he patiently waited for you to continue, as if he waited for a specific sentence.

Tell him it was a mistake to run from him. Tell him you like him too. Tell him you want this too. For some reason, you just couldn’t articulate those feelings. For some sick, twisted reason, you still weren’t sure if this is what you really felt. You still didn’t come clear about your emotions, about whether your feelings for him are platonically or romantically coded. You felt like you still needed to find out.

With one more step forward, you closed the gap between Sunghoon and yourself. Without thinking this through you took his face into your hands, connecting your lips in a swift motion. Sunghoon seemed slightly taken aback by your action but responded to the kiss nevertheless, his arms immediately wandering to your waist. However, he was quick to break the kiss, tightening his grip on your waist to put some distance between you.

“What are you doing?” he questioned in a serious, slightly disappointed tone, his brows furrowed. You looked at him with big eyes.

“I’m trying to make things right.” You said weakly, feeling extremely small under his strong gaze.

“No, you’re testing the waters.” He said and gave your hips a small push to create more distance between you. Your arms fell to your side lifelessly, tears threatening to escape.

“No.” you tried to defend but Sunghoon was able to shut you down quickly.

“Yes, Y/N. I can tell you’re still not sure about this. So stop bullshitting me.” He said it calmly but it felt like he spat those words in your face.

“I don’t-“ you tried again but he interrupted straight away.

“Listen to me. If you can’t come clean about how you feel for me then that’s on you. But stop playing with my feelings in the process. For the sake of our year-long friendship, I think we should have at least that much respect for each other.”

You were absolutely speechless. The way he delivered those words to you, you felt like he wasn’t feeling any emotion at all. It scared you that Sunghoon, who was usually very vocal and expressive, could articulate something so dryly. Only then did you realized just how much you have fucked up.

You have hurt Sunghoon so much with your indecisiveness that he completely shut you out. Backed off emotionally from you. For him to say those things so easily, it made your heart ache. You opened your mouth to speak, to protest, but there was nothing to protest about.

He was right, you played with his heart. He was nothing but honest with you and you rejected him not once, but twice. And now you thought a weak excuse and a kiss could fix it? Oh, how naïve you were.

Sunghoon saw you open your mouth to speak but he quickly shook his head.

“This conversation is over.” He announced, turning on his heels and walking away to the rest of your friends. This time, he left you behind and you started to understand how shitty it must have felt when you did it to him.

You stood there motionlessly, unable to move while trying to process what just happened. You were sure you deserved it for how you acted previously but you still didn’t know how to handle this situation. You tried your best to keep your tears in and collect yourself so you can get back to the group, but tears kept rolling down your cheeks and you sobbed quietly, hoping not to catch the attention of your friends.

In the meantime, Sunghoon made it back to the group alone, earning confused glances from the rest of your friends.

“Where’s Y/N?” Sunoo asked, brows furrowed because something was definitely off but he didn’t want to insist.

“Oh, she’s coming soon. Don’t worry.” Sunghoon said nonchalantly, but Yunjin and Heeseung exchanged concerned glances. Yunjin debated checking on you, sensing that whatever went down behind the cinema didn’t end well. She examined Sunghoon’s look, and he gazed back at her, as if challenging her. What is wrong with him? He never acted like this before.

Deep down, Sunghoon was sweating. He tried his best to act normal, to not let it get to him how absolutely gutted he left you there. But he couldn’t help himself. All the pain he experienced the last couple of days made him become petty. With Jake telling him to be careful not to hurt himself too much while waiting for you he decided it might be best to push his feelings to the back of his head.

The full ordeal was swallowing him whole. He wanted nothing but to hold you, talk to you, be with you, hear your beautiful voice through the phone, see your little frown whenever you complained about something. He missed you like crazy but he didn’t push any further after being rejected twice already.

On the one hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything right. He couldn’t go on pretending you were just friends when he has been falling for you harder the more time passed. Being honest to himself and to you was what you had unofficially promised each other and he wanted to keep that promise no matter what.

On the other hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything wrong. He caused this trouble by being selfish and pushing you towards a relationship you might not even want. You worked out fine, and one should never change a running system, right?

Wrong. He knew your friendship was doomed the first time he caught his heart skipping a beat upon seeing you, the first time he imagined what your lips would feel like on his own, the first time he hugged you for a second longer than usual because he didn’t want to let go just yet. But he hoped it wouldn’t end the way it did just now. He was pretty certain that this was it.

Even if you decided you felt the same, you probably wouldn’t come back to him after he delivered such a terrible line in the coldest tone he had ever used on anybody. He was scared of himself that he managed to treat you like this. That the harshest words he had ever spoken were directed to you

A few minutes later, you mustered up the courage to join the rest, having successfully dried your tears and calmed down enough for others to see you. When you turned the corner, you heard Sunoo scream for you in excitement, making Yunjin’s head snap towards you.

“Y/N! There you are, finally. Come on guys, let’s go or we’ll miss the first few minutes!”

You were quick to shoot him a smile, trying your best to hide the fact you just finished crying and had to control yourself not to burst out in tears again. Yunjin was immediately able to uncover your mask and shot Sunghoon another look, trying to piece together what might have happened back there.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly enough for only you to hear, and you were fast to brush her off by nodding, but she didn’t buy it. You shot her a look that she shouldn’t persist and she got the memo, following you inside without prompting another question.

When Sunoo finished buying all the tickets and wanted to hand them out in seat order, he hesitated for a moment, not knowing whether he should put Sunghoon and you next to each other after he already refused to sit next to you during dinner. Noticing the stiff air between you (which really wasn’t hard to do), he decided against it and instead sat you next to Kazuha and Heeseung.

By now, no one in your friend group was unaware of the fact that Sunghoon and you were fighting, but no one dared to ask and interfere. Nevertheless, every time someone looked at you, they shot you apologetic glances and you swore you needed to get out of there. You really weren’t in the mood to watch a movie now, especially not a bubbly one like Barbie.

When you plopped down in your seat, you didn’t even bother shooting Sunghoon a glance as he passed you to sit further down the row. Heeseung sat next to you, whispering something about that you can leave if you feel uncomfortable, but you just ignored him. At the moment, your mind was blank and you just wanted the evening to end. You prayed to the gods that the movie will make you forget at least for a short while how heartbroken you are.

It seemed to work for the first half, however as the movie progressed you noticed how you replayed the conversation between Sunghoon and you in your mind endlessly. You couldn’t help but let one tear after another roll down your cheek, trying your best not to gain attention by sobbing. You sniffed as silently as you could but Heeseung noticed nevertheless.

And so did Sunghoon. When he looked over to you and saw you crying, he felt a sting in his heart. He really tried not to cry alongside with you, but the view he had of you not being able to control your tears ruined him. He tried hard to focus on the movie, noticing how Jake was studying his behavior next to him. Sunghoon chose to ignore it for his own sake. Just like you, he wanted to go home as quickly as possible.

Once the credits started rolling, you practically jolted from your seat to get out of the situation you were in. Of course the rest of your friend group took an eternity to get up, collect their stuff and leave the cinema. As soon as the warm summer air hit your nose, you turned around to everyone, announcing that you didn’t feel well and will leave early. Without bothering to wait for a response you turned on your heels, practically running away from the group, leaving a worried Yunjin and Heeseung behind.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just postpone the road trip until you figure things out?” Yunjin asked warily, wanting to make sure you really meant what you just told her.

“No way. Y’all waited so long for this! It’s our ritual as well. Please go, I just won’t join.” You clarified. You figured that after the cinema disaster, Sunghoon and you shouldn’t be in the same room for a while, not only for your own sakes, but also because it made the whole atmosphere awkward.

It was never your intention to affect your whole friend group with your problems, but here you were. You decided it was best for everyone if you were left out. You couldn’t see it since you were on the phone, but Yunjin shook her head firmly.

“And it’s also a ritual that we all go together. All of us. You included.”

“I get it, but I just don’t know how to act around Sunghoon and how he’ll act around me. I don’t want to ruin the trip for everyone.”

“Trust me, you will ruin it if you don’t come. Remember when Heeseung and Kazuha had a quick fling? The friend group didn’t break because of that either. Just act normal around him and you’ll be fine. You’re adults after all. I know you were so excited for the road trip, please don’t let that ruin the fun.” Yunjin tried to argue.

She felt slightly bad because it sounded like she was forcing you, but she knew that the squad road trip was your favorite part of the summer break. She was certain that this might be therapeutic for both you and Sunghoon. No way in hell would she let it happen that one of you left the friend group. She saw it as an opportunity to at least act civil around each other when in group settings.

“I know, I’m just scared to face him. What if I break out crying?” you played the worst scenarios in your head on how everyone would be annoyed by your whiny heartbroken ass.

“Then everyone will understand. The situation isn’t easy. And it’s okay to cry.” Yunjin reasoned. After the cinema night, everyone asked each other what happened between Sunghoon and you and the story spread like wildfire. When the first pitiful message from Chaewon arrived, you knew you were done for. You felt terrible for worrying everyone and you were afraid people were going to pick sides. To your relief, no one mentioned anything and left it to you two to solve the issue.

Yunjin noticed your hesitation and she could practically hear the way you wear nervously chewing your lip, so she sighed.

“Alright, listen. If you really don’t want to go, then don’t. We’ll understand. But I personally think it wouldn’t change anything if you stayed away. Unless you want to drown in your sorrows and don’t want me there to catch your tears. If you regret your decision it’s not my fault, just saying!”

You chuckled at her words. She was right, if you stayed home you would probably miss all of them and regret missing out on the fun. You promised yourself that you would try your best to act as normally as possible around Sunghoon. Still, the fact that you had to see him again scared you shitless.

Reflecting over the past few days made you come to the conclusion that you were incredibly stupid to deny him like that. You were angry at yourself that you couldn’t just admit that you liked him as much as he liked you. And even when you had another chance at making things right, you were still insecure whether it would be the right decision.

And now that you’re clear about your intentions, it was too late. Sunghoon ended the last conversation and you felt like it was final. There was no fixing now and no going back. So, you had to live with the fact that you ruined a potential relationship with your best friend who you had caught feelings for months ago. And no matter how you put it, it was a hard pill to swallow.

Little did you know that Sunghoon also regretted his decision. He came to realize that he might have been too harsh to you, that he reacted out of emotion and not reason. Sunghoon had never felt this strongly for anyone and it scared him, so he naturally thought he had to protect himself from potential heartbreak just like you tried prior. Guess you two were more similar than expected.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood where you were coming from. It was incredibly unfair how you treated him, but he started relating to it as he was going through a similar process now. Both of you made mistakes and both of you could have done better. What mattered now is how to fix it. And to say Sunghoon was terrified about his next steps was an understatement.

A couple of days later, you were all set and ready to go on the long-awaited road trip. You went over some requests with Yunjin, for example that you’d rather drive in a different car than Sunghoon so you won’t be stuck with him in a close space for hours. If you were in different cars, it would most likely be more comfortable for everyone involved, and Yunjin agreed.

You managed to squeeze yourself in the same car as Jay, who was driving, Heeseung, Kazuha and Chaewon. You were glad that you managed to get in Jay’s car because you believed him to be a better driver than Jake. Plus, Heeseung’s road trip playlist almost hit different, so you were in for a fun (and loud) ride.

Four hours passed by in a flash and you only realized that you arrived when Jay turned into the parking lot. Fortunately, the atmosphere in the car was lighthearted and you thanked yourself for making the decision to put yourself and Sunghoon in separate cars.

You also told Yunjin that you weren’t going to sleep in the same cabin as well, since that’s awkward. She respected that, assigning the cabins by gender anyway which earned groans from Chaewon and Jake who wanted to share one.

“You’re kidding right? The cabin is meant for 3 to 4 people, ain’t no way you’re going to do any nasty shit in there.” Yunjin scolded, earning a chuckle from the rest of the group.

“We were just going to cuddle, calm down.” Chaewon defended with a glare and Yunjin scoffed.

“Yeah sure, like last year?” Yunjin laughed and both Chaewon and Jake turned red, exchanging guilty looks. You couldn’t help but snort, catching everyone’s attention including Sunghoon’s. It was the first time you exchanged glances that day and you instantly felt goosebumps rise up your skin.

Was he always that handsome? You had a feeling Sunghoon looked even better than usual, or you were imagining things because you had been idolizing him the past couple of days. The more you contemplated your friendship, the more you realized how perfect he was. Seeing him now just confirmed your theories. You had been absolutely blind the last couple of months.

You gulped and quickly looked away, unable to catch the small smile that was playing on Sunghoon’s lips. He loved seeing you have fun and hearing you chuckle made his heart swell. Sunghoon realized he’s been so stupidly in love with you that there was no way he wasn’t trying to fix whatever you had ruined. He just didn’t know how he was to do that.

Once you dropped your stuff inside the cabin, half of your group went straight to the beach. Yunjin caught up with you and bumped your shoulder playfully, making you laugh. Even though you still felt down because of the whole situation with your best friend, you were really excited and relieved that you decided to go on the road trip. The beach and the scent of salt water instantly gave you serotonin and the karaoke session you had in the car raised your mood as well.

“How was the car ride? Ours was pretty boring, everyone slept half of the time and I don’t think Sunghoon has said a single thing the entire ride.” Yunjin recited and hearing his name made your heart skip a beat. As if on cue, Sunghoon was running past you to catch up with Jake, sparing you a quick glance. You didn’t know how to react, so you simply turned to Yunjin furrowing your brows in question.

Sunghoon always claimed himself to be an introvert, but you knew that especially in your friend group, he was glowing and more talkative than ever. The fact that he was quiet, even today, worried you. Yunjin could tell by the way you bit your lip that you were contemplating something.

“Will you try and talk to him?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Your attention quickly shifted towards Heeseung who was picking up Chaewon like it was nothing, running with her to the sea and throwing her into the water despite her obvious protests. She screeched in panic and when she got out of the water, she scowled at him.

“Oh, you wanna get fucked up.” She announced, fixing him with a challenging look and you could see Heeseung’s eyes turning wide before she lounges herself at him. He was quick to dodge her attack, running away as fast as he can despite the water inevitably slowing him down. When he locked eyes with you, it was like he locked in a new target.

The glint in Heeseung’s eyes scared you and the moment he approached you, you felt your heart sink into your stomach. Before you could object he was next to you, grabbing you by the hip and throwing you over his shoulder.

“You’re next.” He giggled and ignored the way you slapped his back and screamed for him to let you go. Unable to prepare yourself in time, you were suddenly being met with the cold ocean water engulfing your body. When you broke through the surface, you couldn’t help but burst out in laughter, a sound Sunghoon missed so dearly that when he took notice, his heart fluttered.

Even more laughter erupted from you when Chaewon kept her promise and surprised Heeseung from behind, pushing him underwater as well. The antics continued until you rescued yourself to the shore, Yunjin promptly throwing a towel your way. Jake was quick to catch Sunghoon’s longing gaze for you but decided not to blurt a stupid comment, instead smiling at the pining of his friend.

Once you settled down on the beach you stripped out of the shirt that you initially planned to keep dry, but Heeseung destroyed those plans. While wringing out the access water from the shirt, you observed how Sunghoon and Jake stripped out of their shirts as well, ready to join your other friends in the water. Upon seeing Sunghoon’s toned abdomen, you were instantly reminded of the night you shared together. It made your stomach twist knowing you could have had all this to yourself and let it slip from your grasp.

“Okay, now you’re just blatantly staring.” Yunjin commented with a click of her tongue and a chuckle, following your gaze. You were glad that the temperatures made your face blush already so Yunjin couldn’t detect the heat climbing up your cheeks.

When Jake noticed your fixated gaze on Sunghoon, he quickly whispered something to the latter, making him turn around in an instant to lock eyes with you. Your eyes widened immediately and you tried to be nonchalant about it, looking away quickly. Both guys smirked at that, making Jake lean into Sunghoon once more.

“What is that? You guys are acting like two teenagers going through puberty who are obviously crushing on each other but too shy to strike up conversation.” He pointed out and Sunghoon let out a deep, long sigh. If only it was that easy, he thought.

After you tired yourselves out in the water, you decided for a cliché bonfire to end the night. Sunghoon plopped himself down at the other end of the bonfire opposite from you, the flames almost swallowing your view on him. You didn’t know if he did that on purpose, but you couldn’t help and steal glances from each other whenever you were roasting marshmallows. This didn’t go unnoticed by anyone and Sunoo ended up judging you hard for constantly shooting heart eyes at each other from afar.

You actually hadn’t talked all day, it was silent pining from both sides and it made your friends go absolutely crazy. Could you finally get it over with?

Unfortunately, the pining continued the next couple of days, neither of you ready to approach the other. It was frustrating you, to say the least. You figured that it was his turn to come to you after he ended the conversation the last time. Additionally, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself again like you did at the cinema.

You couldn’t pinpoint the atmosphere between you two, it seemed somewhat stiff yet not as terrible as it was during the cinema night. Anyone could tell that you both reflected on your behaviors and had a different mindset from before, so it was just as frustrating for your friends to notice your constant pining. Sunoo judged even harder than usual.

Yunjin tried to talk some sense into you, but you swiftly refused to make the first step. She ruffled her hair in frustration while washing her face to get ready for bed.

“Y/N please. Put your pride aside for once, this isn’t going anywhere.” She nagged in a way that reminded you of a typical Korean ahjumma.

“Y/N I have to agree with Yunjin for once. This is absolutely nerve-wrecking for all sides.” Chaewon added, turning around in her chair and interrupting her skincare routine.

You groaned. Couldn’t they let you deal with that alone? The situation was hard enough as is, it didn’t help that eight people kept track of your every move on top of it.

In the cabin next to yours, the boys were similarly pushy towards Sunghoon, earning annoyed glances from him. Like you, it annoyed him how everyone was observing and waiting for one of you to make a move. He wanted to figure this out with you alone, not while a whole group of people was watching.

That night, the constant nagging from your friends made you spiral into overthinking everything again. You dissected your conversations with Sunghoon once more, not able to get a wink of sleep or even feel tired. The whole ordeal stressed you out to the point where you needed to let go a bit. Not wanting to bother your cabinmates, you snuck outside, making your way to the pier to sit down and watch the moon a bit. The warm breeze that tickled your nose made you inhale deeply.

Such a beautiful vacation that is troubled by Sunghoon and my relationship, you thought. You really made it difficult for yourselves. This could have been so easy and yet you chose to do it the hard way. You still wondered why your head blocked you from telling Sunghoon what your heart wanted all this time. Why it took you so long to let those feelings take over. Why it was met with so much denial from your end in the first place.

You were now more sure than ever that you wanted to have Sunghoon by your side. The thought of having to continue life without him scared you to bits and you hoped you would never have to experience the reality of it, even though there was still a possibility he wouldn’t let you in anymore.

The more you thought about it, the more overwhelmed you became. A single tear ran down your cheek, quickly followed by another until you were silently sobbing into nothingness, the vision of the moon in front of you becoming blurry.

The sound of footsteps approaching snapped you out of your daze and you quickly wiped your tears, thinking it was one of the lifeguards scolding you for being on the pier so late. You were about to utter a half-assed apology when you turned around only to be met with Sunghoon standing a few feet away from you on the pier.

Sunghoon couldn’t doze off either, staring at the ceiling when he picked up a shuffling sound outside. He silently got up, making sure not to wake the others, and went over to the window only to see you emerge on a journey to the pier. He didn’t know what came over him, but his feet moved on their own and before he knew it, he was at the pier too.

It felt like everything froze for a moment when you locked eyes, a concern shading his gaze that made you shiver. You didn’t know what to say, your heartbeat picking up from his mere presence. You never noticed the effect he had on you until this trip.

“I’ve never liked to see you cry.” He said softly, almost as if he was pitying you, but you knew how he meant it. You sniffed in response, turning around since you suddenly felt hyperaware about how ugly you must have looked right at that moment.

The wood creaked underneath Sunghoon when he approached you, slow and cautious as if he was afraid you would freak out otherwise. When he stood right behind you, he contemplated his next move, biting his lip nervously. Just like you, he hadn’t thought this through. Suddenly standing in front of you overwhelmed him, and he needed a moment to calculate his next move.

“May I?” he suddenly asked, pointing at the spot next to you. You didn’t dare look at him now that he was so close, so you simply nodded. From the corner of your eye you could make out how he was sitting down. Scared to make eye contact you focused intently on the clouds forming above you.

Silence engulfed you and the only sound you could make out is that of the waves crashing at the poles of the pier. You didn’t know how to strike conversation and he seemed similarly in thought of how to carry on. Suddenly you wondered if he wasn’t saying much because he was still mad at you, and the thought alone made you anxious. You sighed heavily, being overly curious all of a sudden.

“Will you ever not be mad at me anymore?” you spoke up carefully, afraid that this question alone will make him snap. He turned out to be very calm, though. You didn’t know if that soothed your nerves or freaked you out even more. Sunghoon had the faintest of smiles playing on his lips.

“I’m not mad at you. I was disappointed and confused because I couldn’t figure you out.” He explained, making you scoff.

“I couldn’t even figure myself out, how were you supposed to?” you turned to him with curved eyebrows, and it was the first time on the trip that you saw him this close. The look in his eyes held something you couldn’t quite pin down again, but this time, it was much softer. It calmed you down, sending an exciting shiver down your spine.

His smile grew upon your rhetorical question and you swore he never looked better. You loved seeing him smile, seeing those dimples forming. You couldn’t help but mirror his expression, silently exchanging words you didn’t dare to speak out loud. You noticed how this situation calmed you down and made you incredibly nervous at the same time. You didn’t know where this was going.

Your smile dropped suddenly, and so did Sunghoon’s. He furrowed his brows softly, and you wished to flatten the crease forming between his eyebrows. Anxiety glossed over your eyes and you decided to be honest with him.

“I’m scared, Sunghoon.” He nodded understandingly and it looked like relief washed over him. For a moment he got terrified, thinking that you might turn him down once more. It wouldn’t make sense, but nothing made sense to him anymore anyway.

“I’m scared too.” He admitted, looking down at this hands that he was fidgeting agitatedly. You couldn’t describe it, but he looked tense and relaxed at the same time. Tensed because he was fearing ultimate rejection, relaxed because no matter what, your presence eased his mind.

Your mind suddenly threw you back to everything you two had been through. Several tragic exam seasons, friends of yours moving away, petty fights in the group chat over something completely stupid and reconciliations joined by tears and hugs, heartbreaks on both ends and comfort when each other’s grandparents died. You had survived so many tragedies together, so there was logically speaking no way you could not overcome this one.

Realization hit you that it was now or never. You had to tell him how you feel, honestly this time. No hiding, no beating around the bush. You forced yourself to say the words you were scared of for so long.

“I like you.”

It took Sunghoon’s head only a millisecond to snap towards you, as if he had to make sure what he heard was really what you had said. You locked eyes again and the way his gaze changed almost made your heart jump through your chest. He looked like he had finally heard the words he wanted to hear from you for such a long time. The only thing he ever wanted to hear from you.

Sunghoon was malfunctioning because now that you had finally confessed to him, he didn’t know what to do. As stupid as it sounds, because he had more than enough time, he didn’t prepare for this scenario. Not even in his daydreams did he play this scene out in his head. He had always skipped the awkward confession and jumped right into the domestic relationship stuff.

Sunghoon gulped and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. There was only one right answer, and he knew it.

“I like you too.”

The sparkle in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon when he uttered those words again, the words that had left a bitter taste in your mouth when he rushed them out for the first time. But now all your stomach could do is hurt from all the butterflies, the look in your eyes finally reciprocating those of the boy in front of you.

You sit there for a moment, basking in each other’s presence and slowly coming to terms with the fact that you were on the same page about this after all. You were scared that Sunghoon will never want to speak to you again, and right now you couldn’t be happier that he decided to approach you one more time, giving you the chance to rebuild your relationship on a different level.

After a while of staring at each other and taking in each other’s confession, you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter together. This whole ordeal was so stupidly romantic despite the bumpy start and you had a hard time trying to contain your amusement.

“We should have done this the first time already.” You admitted, shaking your head at the painful memory of Sunghoon scaring you away with his revelation. Sunghoon couldn’t help but raise his brows at you in disbelief.

“Yeah? Well, whose fault was that?” he challenged and guilt glossed over your face, your lips forming a pout. The boyish grin he was wearing only grew wider.

“Stop blaming me, I know I fucked up.” You acknowledged, dropping your head in shame. Sunghoon was quick to shoot a hand under your chin, making you look up at him again.

“We both did. It’s fine.” He reassured with a smile, and you could only do so much as copy it. Silence took over once again, his hand slowly dropping from under your chin, landing on your own. You noticed that Sunghoon was pondering over something, and the mischievous smirk that was forming didn’t help.

You threw your head back in agony. He was getting playful again and you hated loved it.

“Oh boy, what is it now?” you were careful to ask, not sure if you really wanted to know what was on his mind right now. Sunghoon cleared his throat.

“You know, I just think it’s funny that you told me to get laid and then turned out to be the person to do it shortly after.”

Yep, you didn’t want to know what was on his mind. He chuckled and your face ran pale upon hearing him. You groaned in frustration, hiding your face in your hands in embarrassment. Your shy reaction made Sunghoon laugh even harder, throwing his head back in his usual manner and he couldn’t help but tease you a bit since he hadn’t done it in a while. Seeing your agitated look was enough to satisfy him.

You were so immersed that you didn’t notice the wind picking up speed and the clouds thickening. Only when an especially strong breeze almost swept you from the pier did you realize that a storm was coming.

“I think we should go.” Sunghoon nodded in agreement and the moment you got up, you felt the first drop of rain hit your face.

It wasn’t the last one for sure and before you knew it, it was pouring. You quickly came to the conclusion that running to the cabins would be too far, so you opted for the little lifeguard hut near the beach instead. The cold rain hitting you made your legs carry you to the hut even faster, unconsciously intertwining Sunghoon’s hand with yours.

You yelped a little when he pushed you forward, motioning you to hurry up since the rain was hitting you at high speed now. Whatever you expected from tonight, it was not going to bed soaking wet. But it also wasn’t Sunghoon and you to reconcile. You win some, you lose some.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally reached the small veranda in front of the hut. Thankful that the porch had a canopy, you breathed heavily and relaxed against the walls of the house. You glanced at Sunghoon and noticed that he was completely drenched from head to toe. Much to your dismay, you realized that you were just as soaked. But the moment you caught each other’s eyes, you couldn’t help but giggle again.

The hopeless romantic in you couldn’t be happier right now. You watched as the rain only poured harder, so you had no choice but to stay under the canopy for a while.

You noticed Sunghoon was struggling with his hair, one strand always falling into his eyes no matter how many times he tried to push it back. You couldn’t help yourself, your hand shooting up towards his face to fix it.

“Here, let me.” You said, fully turning to him while he did the same. Instead of fixing it, you ruffled his hair even more, causing several strands to drop in front of his eyes. Despite the hair covering his eyes, you could feel the unimpressed look he probably gave you. You snickered and proceeded to actually fix his hair this time.

Once you finished tugging his hair back, you noticed how much he was staring at you. You slowly retracted your hand from his hair, trying to decipher his look. Nothing but love, you concluded, and it was confirmed once he opened his mouth to speak.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Your heart hammered in your chest at his words. The longing in his eyes almost made you faint and without a second thought, you pushed yourself forward to connect your lips. It took you only a second to melt into him, lips moving like they had always belonged together. Sunghoon’s hands were quick to find your waist again while yours wandered around his neck.

“Closer.” He whispered against your lips, pulling you towards him by your waist, close not being close enough as his lips worked wonders against your own. You were trying to lean back to catch your breath, but Sunghoon didn’t let you, chasing after your lips relentlessly as if he had to make up for something. Your back was arched and Sunghoon towered over you, making you feel even smaller.

You couldn’t help but let your hand wander into his hair, scratching his scalp slightly, which elicited a small gasp from him. Taking the opportunity, you let your tongue slowly dance against his own and he was quick to follow along.

Sunghoon only broke apart from you when he felt like suffocating, pressing his forehead against yours to catch his breath. You opened your eyes slowly, instantly being met with his own. You had never felt so cherished before, so adored. The moment you caught him staring at you with the most loving gaze, you couldn’t help but break out into a smile which he quickly mirrored.

Time seemed to stand still, the rain only a faint background noise as you basked in each other’s presence once again. The kiss and your gazes held so much emotion, so much you two wanted to share with each other earlier but couldn’t. But no matter how chaotic things got at the beginning of the summer, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment.

“Do you really think we need to take pictures?” A hushed whisper could be heard from one of the cabins.

“Of course! The others wouldn’t believe us if we just told them.” Another voice responded, almost drowned out completely by the rain.

“We’re going to tease them about this to no end, are we?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

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