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#RIDICULOUSLY HANDSOME AND FASHIONABLE
noblehcart · 11 months
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ME ?? obsessed w a CEO rich af health nut of a man?? more likely than you think?
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nipuni · 11 days
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Photos at Madrid's Victory ball! 💃
We attended our first ball! It was such a dreamlike experience!! It was also our first time doing Regency reenactment so it was a challenge. We haphazardly put together some looks, had a great time learning more about the fashion and the dances and met a bunch of lovely people from all over the world. The palace was stunning, the live band was wonderful and the food delicious, it was an unforgettable night 🥰
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tomorrcwz · 2 months
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✰ LATE NIGHT'S DESIRE , O. PIASTRI
[ preview ] working as a mclaren strategist for years, the newest driver is the perfect candidate to satisfy your hunger — he does make it easy for you, coming to your door in the middle of the night.
[ tw ] smut, unprotected sex, dom!fem!reader, teeny tiny little bit of corruption kink, spit kink, inappropriate work relationship | gif by @princemick
[ a/n ] idk what this is but yeah slay or whatever bruh. Might write more smut about oscar, I'm really fixed on him rn + ITS MELBOURNE GP and in honor of that i had to write a little something
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. minors do not read | masterlist .
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The sight of the quiet, charmingly awkward Oscar makes your blood pump fastly though your veins as the desire within you grows. You know its wrong, having inappropriate thoughts about a co-worker, one that isn't as secure as you are on the team but you can't help yourself with it; the need to fuck whoever is handsome and new is strong enough to make you black out rules.
First you had Lando — he was eager to fuck you as you pleased, then you had to have Daniel, who mind you, wasn't as easy to get in your bed and he also wasn't to corrupt as he was the one to mirror your actions and pull some stuff. Sadly it ended rather fast with him getting a girlfriend. But you still have Lando every other month as the boy can't keep a girl around, making him fall regularly in your bed or wherever you are to fuck. It's not that fun anymore, quiet bland. The routine is always the same — first he'll finger you to get you wet enough and then you push him to whatever surface and take his cock. Afterwards you clean yourself, Lando already out of the door.
So, that brings you to Oscar.
He's fresh blood, newly single, and dear lord in heaven over the winter break he put on a lot more muscles, looking ridiculous strong, causing your pussy to flutter whenever you see him. You flirt with him quite often and you do see his brown eyes cloud with lust, but you want to take your time. There's no need to rush.
But the day comes.
Its Sunday night, hours after the race and celebrations of Oscar taking P3, when you hear knocks on the door of your hotel room. Reaching for your phone, the homescreen only shows a few messages from people you're currently not interested in responding. No Lando. Normally, he'd shot a text beforehand, so you're not sure of who is standing opposite the wooden door.
Breathing in, you swing your bare legs off the bed and walk across the room, opening the door. The sight greeting you leaves your mouth agape — Oscar's wearing an maroon satin shirt, tucked into a pair of black slacks. On his thick fingers are two rings which you've never seen him wear but it suits him. He looks hot, even more so with his hair all toulouse and a curl glued to his forehead. It's an indicator that he is influenced by Lewis and Guanyu, both very fashionable drivers on the grid, and you could kiss them right now because Oscar has never looked this hot. He is but this is otherworldly.
"Everything alright, Oscar?", you ask, crossing your arms under your breasts and unintentionally pushing them up, presenting the man with your more than welcoming cleavage.
He can't help himself; his focus rests on the soft curves of your tits, the skin glistening under a sweat film the heat of middle east brings.
Clearing his throat, the Mclaren driver, sends you a dashing smile. "Yes, actually I've missed you at the celebration and was wondering if you—", he stops himself, cheeks flaming hotly.
"If I want?"
You can see the thoughts running around faster than the car on the track earlier. Must be hard to grasp whatever plagues his mind.
"I was wondering if you'd celebrate with me", he whispers, somewhat bashful which is endearing.
"Sure, let me throw on something else to wear, can't go out in this", you say, hands moving across your body to clarify your point; due to the heat you're only wearing some boxers and a flimsy babydoll top. Oscar gazes at you, shaking his head. "No, no, I mean celebrate in, you know . .", he stumbles over the words, blush now burning his ears too.
Oh. Oh.
To end his misery, you catch his wrists to pull him inside before hitting the door close with your foot and shove him against it.
For the first time you kiss him, all teeth and tongue, and its different from what you have imagined — his hands are rougher, caressing your lower back, creeping under the top to feel the warm skin of yours. Grabbing you by the hips, he sloths his dick against your stomach and grinds. He doesn't feel small, maybe even bigger than his teammate. In your imagination, he was softer yet he let you guide him to bed exactly like dream-oscar did and falls backwards on top of the cream coloured sheets, breath hitching in anticipation.
"Remove your clothes, baby."
You reach for the hem of your top as you command him, letting him stare at your tits while he steps out of his bottoms and throws the shirt in a corner. His milky smooth skin's glowing in the dim lighting a street lamp spends, and you see a map of freckles on his chest as well as a happy tail lending down to his beautiful cock.
Spitting in your hands, slander finger gently touch his length, causing Oscar's head to fall back, lips wide agape and you take the opportunity to spit in his mouth. "Shallow, Osc, be a good boy f'me, yeah?", you coe, hot breath fawning the auricle. He does, groaning lowly but its getting louder when you bring your legs on either side of his lap, left hand grabbing his cock and coating it in your wetness before probing the fat mushroom tip at your pussy, gliding down till every inch is inside you.
The feeling of his cock might aswell change everything; he's the biggest you've ever taken, scraping and burning you inner spongy walls deliciously as he kisses your cervix.
Fuck Lando, he doesn't have anything on Oscar.
"M so full, you're filling me up so good, baby", the praise let the man smile in a haze, far lost in how good you ride him. Your wet hole holds his grith snuggly as you fuck yourself on his cream coated length — his eyes roll back in pleasure at the sight of a white ring forming on the base of his dick, something he has never seen before, and it spurrs him on to grind his hips into yours, getting a worish wail out of you.
You fuck him till his abdomen thighten and he pumps you full of cum, that is oozing out of your desperately moving body, chasing your own orgasm. Oscar leans in, bitting on your pulse point. Then you fall over the edge, legs shaking as you still on top of him.
After catching your breath, you charmingly smirk at him before he grinds up in your fluttering hole — he's already getting hard again.
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lincolndjarin · 8 months
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Pretty in Pink
main masterlist ✧ kinktober masterlist ✦
kinktober : day three - afab!reader x no-outbreak!joel miller
prompt : breeding [ 18+ mdni ]
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word count : 1.5k
summary : you and joel have been trying for a baby for a while now, you're skeptical when you get advice from a friend but you're willing to try anything at this point.
warnings, etc. : fluffy, smut, praise, joel 'breeding kink' miller, p in v, unprotected sex, lingerie, creampie, pregnancy talk, this is just a quick little porny fluffy drabble lmao
a/n : yippee! happy 3rd day of oct!! def expect a lot of days switching around lmao, i'm just going w the flow lol
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You stare at the bathroom mirror, you feel a little ridiculous but you know he’s had a hard week and at this point you’ll do anything to help him relax. So you put on the pink satin nightie your friend had convinced you he’d love. You put on a bit of makeup before opening the door a smidge.
“Close your eyes.” You sound like a child the way you whine. 
“You’re killin’ me darlin’.” 
“Please?”
“Okay, okay.” You can practically hear the way he holds his hands up in defeat. 
You’re learning the hard way that trying for a baby is a long and arduous task. With Sarah in highschool, and Ellie in elementary, you’ve agreed now is as good a time as any to try for one more. The only problem is you haven’t been feeling great about how long it’s taking. You’re easily discouraged despite how willing Joel seems to try as often and as hard as possible to knock you up. 
So when your friend who is currently six months along offered to give you some advice you were more than willing to sit down at a nearby mall and talk. You’d expected to hear the usual technical jargon. Track your cycle, avoid using lube, and reduce your caffeine intake. You’ve been doing all of that and more for months now with no luck but much to your surprise she had only one piece of advice. 
“Have fun with it.” 
It sounded absurd to you but she kept on explaining. Telling you that it was important that you were both comfortable and enjoying yourselves, it helped her to try new things. You tried to explain to her that Joel was old fashioned, he didn’t like new things. He liked you naked and in a bed, nothing fancy involved. 
Your friend of course didn’t seem convinced, dragging you to Victoria Secret, insisting that the sheer little pink thing you’d settled on was perfect. 
Except it doesn’t feel perfect. 
Because now you actually have to show him and you’re pretty sure he’s just going to have you take it off immediately and you’ll feel like an idiot and this will all be for nothing. 
You take a few steps out of the bathroom, he’s sitting on the bed, back against the headboards as move towards him. wringing your hands nervously. He looks like he always does. Handsome, and in his boxers and navy blue shirt. You’re beside him now and you’re just about to lose your nerve. 
“Nevermind this is stupid.” You blurt out as he opens his eyes. You give him an apologetic smile as he looks you up and down. You turn around, wanting to just change and forget any of this happened as he grabs you by your arm, pulling you onto the bed. 
“Not stupid, not stupid at all.” He stares at you, infatuated as he pulls you onto his lap. He takes a bit of the see through fabric in his hands, running it through his fingers. “S’pretty.”
“Really? You like it?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I thought you didn’t like this kind of thing.”
“What kind of thing? Pretty things? I like you, why wouldn't I like this.” Your face gets hot as he lifts the fabric, running a finger along the hem of the matching pink panties. 
“You really like it?” Your face is getting hotter by the second as he drags you forward by your hips so you can feel his hard on straining through his boxers. 
“Like it so much.” He rocks his hips up against you with a groan. “Such a- fuck, such a pretty color.” He hooks a finger onto the crotch of your panties, pulling them to the side as he ruts up against you, watching with hungry eyes as you soak the front of his underwear. He usually spends quite a bit of time warming you up but now he seems wildly impatient as he pulls his dick out over the band of his boxers along with his balls. “Want you to wear this more often, s’nice.” 
“Th-thanks.” You stammer out as he guides his cock into you as you sit up on your knees. 
“Sit down, sugar, take it all, I know you can do it.” Once he nudges the first couple of inches into you he brings his hands back to the sheer fabric. You do as he says, taking your time until you’re fully impaled on it, the two of you moaning in unison. 
“Oh, Joel.” You whisper, feeling the blunt head of his cock bump against your cervix. 
“Bet this would be even prettier stretched over a round belly.” He squeezes your hips, leveraging you down onto him as he thrusts up into you. You’ve never seen him so worked up as his hips jolt up into you, his breathing going unsteady. He’s never been one to talk during the deed, usually all you can get out of him is a few grunts and curses but now he seemingly can’t stop mumbling to himself as he marvels at the way the pick fabric clings to you in some places while flowing freely in others. “Can’t wait to have you bouncing on my cock when you’ve got your bump.” The sudden vulgarity from him shoots sparks through your veins as you slowly start moving, raising and dropping your hips, reveling in the feeling of him filling you completely as he bunches up the fabric a bit, pulling it out of the way so he can watch you take him. 
“Joel please-” You whine, your hands go to the headboard behind him to steady yourself. “Please touch me.” He enthusiastically obliges, one hand going to your clit while the other palms at your breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers over the thin fabric. He leans forward, pulling your breast out of the nightie, sucking the tender flesh. 
“These are gonna get bigger too.” He mumbles against your tit, your hips stutter as he sinks his teeth into the swollen nub. “Gonna be so round- and soft.” He sucks your nipple back into his mouth, his fingers picking up speed between your legs as you feel your stomach getting tight, your breath going ragged as you slam your hips down on him, pressing him deep against the spot inside of you that makes you see stars. “Come on- fuck, fucking take it.” He growls as he pops his mouth off of you, pulling you into a kiss as you chase the feeling inside of you, moaning against him until in one sharp motion you seat yourself on him completely, sending yourself over that edge. 
His lips move from your mouth to your chin, then cheeks, then forehead, he kisses you everywhere as you work yourself through your orgasm, everything going tense as that white hot fire ripples through your veins. 
When you come down from your high your legs feel like jelly and you honestly aren’t sure you’re gonna be able to keep going but thankfully he takes matters into his own hands, planting his feet on the mattress firmly behind you as he wraps his arms around your torso to keep you upright. He fucks up into you, his pace brutal and unrelenting as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. 
“Gonna fill up this pretty pussy, make you a mama.” He murmurs against the sensitive skin of your throat, his thrusts quickly becoming clumsy as he groans. He’s quick to follow you, his cock pulses and you can feel him spill against your walls, his demeanor softens with his prick as he rubs his nose against yours. “I love you s’much.” He mumbles, gently lifting you, helping you off his lap as you lay beside him. 
You take a moment, catching your breath as he leaves the room, returning quickly with a glass of water, handing it to you as he turns the lights off, crawling into the blankets with you as you lay your head on his chest. 
“Love you.” He says quietly, giving you a quick kiss that you know means good night as he settles in.
You sit in silence for a few minutes before sighing mostly to yourself. 
“What if this doesn’t work? Like ever?” You whisper into the darkness, curling yourself up closer to him.
You expect him to be asleep, or to brush you off, and to tell you that it will. Instead he just pulls you closer.
“Then we’ll keep trying. And if it doesn’t work then we’ll look into other options. I went through the adoption process once already, it should be easier the second time around.” He kisses your forehead and you feel him relax, you know he’ll be asleep in a few minutes. You’re just happy he’s willing to validate your worries. 
“Good night, love you.” You murmur, you really do mean it. 
He’s right. You’ll keep trying, and if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. There’s no way to know if you’re pregnant or not until then. (Although Joel isn’t all that surprised when you take a test two weeks later and are met with two blue lines.)
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a/n : for the first time ever i actually like something i wrote lol
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lanadelnegan · 7 months
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Crush - Graduation (final chapter)
Gym Teacher Negan x Student Reader
Part two here / part one here
Summary: they finally do it. that's the summary. :)
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, smut, p in v, unprotected sex, coach negan fucks you against a wall after graduation, semi-public sex, dirty talk
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The stadium is loud and full of people when you fall in line with your fellow students, letting your heels click against the cement floor. You can't believe you're finally graduating.
The sound of your name flows through the speakers of the stadium before you walk across the stage and accept your diploma, finding your seat towards the end of the row of chairs. You scan the crowd once you're seated, smiling and waving at your parents before your gaze comes to a halt at the man right beside them. He's already looking at you and you feel your cheeks burn with embarrassment.
You decided to skip his class the last day of school, wanting to punish him as badly as he did you the day before. But really, you regretted it. It's been almost a month since you've seen him and you hate that you ended things without saying goodbye, although he did deserve it for the punishment he gave you, leaving you ridiculously horny for weeks afterwards.
You let your gaze linger on him unashamedly, trying to hide your grin. That same aching feeling between your legs bares itself again now that he's back in your view and you cross your legs in your chair while you suck in your bottom lip with your teeth.
He looks.. angry. Like a disappointed father. So you playfully pout your bottom lip out at him, making him squint at you and attempt to suppress his own grin. You can't tear your eyes away from him as you study him in his fitted black button down. The top two buttons are undone, barely revealing his thick chest hair and your mind trails back to his wet, white t-shirt moment in the shower.
You try not to stare too long, considering he's sitting right next to your parents. But before you turn your eyes away, your father leans over, telling Negan something that makes him chuckle and nod his head, still keeping his eyes on you. You tilt your head at him curiously, wondering what they could be saying - and why he's sitting with your parents to begin with.
Once the graduation speeches are over and you're all dismissed out of the gym in an orderly fashion, you immediately look for your parents in the crowded lobby, but instead spot Negan again. Not only that - but you quickly realize he's walking directly towards you. You stand still in the crowded room of people, allowing him to walk past you.
"Follow me." He leans in closer as he trails by you, and you subconsciously inhale the familiar scent of his cologne as you turn and watch him walk away, eventually disappearing behind a hallway.
You take a step in his direction a moment before you hear your dad's voice calling your name. "Y/n! There you are, sweetheart."
"We are so proud of you." You mom smiles, holding your hand. "Let us take you out to dinner to celebrate."
"Sure mom." You smile back. "I just need to find a restroom first. Text me the restaurant and I'll meet you guys there?"
Your mother nods as she and your father say their quick goodbyes and you immediately follow Negan's invisible footsteps, clicking your heels on the ground with a purpose as you turn down the same hall he did earlier. It's empty, and you wander around until you come to another intersecting hall. Turning, you bump into his tall figure, exhaling a breath as you look up at him.
"Hey..." You say awkwardly, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
His head tilts as his dark eyes dart back and forth between yours and a mischievous grin spreads across his handsome face. Your back presses into the cold cement wall as he pins you in, reminding you of the time he caught you smoking outside of the gym. How could you ever forget? Considering how badly he punished you for it. Since that day, you haven't touched another cigarette, hearing his words echo in your mind every time you glance at one. Those things will kill you.
"Had some unfinished business to attend to." He says casually, resting his hand on the wall behind you.
"And what would that be?"
Negan scoffs, pulling a note from his pocket and unfolding it. "Well, first things first. You wanna tell me what the hell this is and why I found it on my desk?"
While glaring at you, he takes his glasses out of his pocket, placing them on the bridge of his nose before looking down at the note in his hand and clearing his throat.
"Coach, Thanks a lot for the lady blue balls... Karma is a bitch and I hope this teaches you a lesson. Xoxo, your fav."
You giggle slightly, biting your lip as he holds the note up to your face and you see the familiar handwriting.
"You think this is fucking funny?" He asks, shoving the note back in his pocket. "You really skipped our last class together just to get back at me for not letting you cum?"
You shrug, not hiding your smirk. "Did you learn your lesson?"
Negan scoffs again, bringing his hand up to wrap around your throat tightly. His eyes are glazed with lust as his stares down at you, pressing his body against yours.
"I am so fucking sick of your little attitude. You know that?" His hand around your throat tightens as you struggle to breathe and glance around the empty hallway.
Negan chuckles, sliding his hand up up your dress until he reaches your aching center. "You worried someone's gonna catch us, baby?" He asks before rubbing his palm and fingers over your panties and feeling your warmth. He leans closer, stopping when his mouth reaches your ear. "I hope they do..."
His tongue teases the edge of your ear before he dips his head lower, nipping at the sensitive flesh right below it. You can't help but moan, bringing your arms up to wrap around his neck to keep your knees from giving out. You nestle into his neck as he sucks on yours, claiming you as his and you don't even care if it leaves a mark. His clothed erection presses into you painfully hard, urging you to reach down and touch it - so you do, palming him through his slacks and making a deep groan escape his throat.
His mouth travels from your neck to your lips as he devours you, pushing his tongue against yours. You whimper at the minty taste of him as your fingers run through his gelled hair.
"Goddamn it, y/n. I fuckin' need you. And you're right.. karma is a bitch because I've thought about you every second since the last time we were together. Even in my fuckin' sleep. All I see is that pretty mouth wrapped around my cock and your legs spread apart on my desk. Fuck.." He says desperately in between kisses while fumbling with his belt.
Before you can respond, he lifts you up by the back of your thighs, pressing you firmly into the wall as you look down between the two of you to see his cock springing free from his pants.
"You ready for me, sweetheart?"
"Negan.. we can't do this here." you say, panicked that someone could walk around the corner and catch you at any moment.
"I beg to differ." He chuckles cockily, pushing your panties to the side and entering you with one forceful thrust. "Fuck. You are so fucking tight."
You silently cry out at the uncomfortable pain as his tip pushes into your cervix and his thick length stretches your walls. "Negan.. oh my god."
He smirks, pumping into you steadily as he looks into your eyes. "Yeah? Feels fuckin' good huh?"
You nod frantically as you start to adjust to his size and pure pleasure replaces the pain.
"Tell me.. tell me how good I make you feel." His voice has turned deeper and raspier as he nips at your neck.
"S-so g-good Negan." You manage to choke out.
"You have no idea how many times I've thought about this, baby. Burying my cock in this tight, young little cunt. God, you feel so good."
You moan at his filthy words as his hips thrust hard and fast against you and his fingers dig into the back of your thighs. His head falls back as a groan rumbles through his throat and you admire how handsome he looks like this.
He lifts you higher, adjusting himself and pushing into you even deeper from this angle. You feel your orgasm approaching as your breaths get heavier and you moans become louder. The walls of your pussy involuntarily squeeze around him, making his jaw drop slightly as he looks down to watch his dick slide in and out of you.
"Makin' a fuckin' mess all over my cock, sweetheart. Look how wet you are." He grins at you proudly as your face burns red with embarrassment - and because you're about to come.. hard.
You lock eyes with him as warm liquid gushes out of you, thoroughly soaking him now. You open your mouth to moan, but nothing comes out except the tears in your eyes as you fall apart.
"That's my good girl." He growls, watching you as pure ecstasy washes over his features.
He pulls out of you suddenly and you take the hint, dropping to your knees to stroke his throbbing, wet cock. His fingers intertwine in your hair before he guides your mouth towards his tip and as soon as your lips wrap around him, his release fills your mouth to the brim. You discreetly savor the taste of him before swallowing it down and you can't help the soft moan that escapes your lips.
You finally stand on your wobbly legs, looking up at him with puffy, swollen lips and red cheeks. His hand lightly grips your throat as he pulls you towards him for a kiss. The taste of his cum lingers on your tongue and he moans at the taste of himself, which you find extremely hot.
He tucks himself back in his pants as you pull your dress back down, thankful that no one caught you.
"Negan... I need to go. My parents.. they're waiting on me. I'm supposed to go to dinner with them."
"Oh yeah, we better get going. I'll drive." He holds his arm out like a gentleman for you to take it and your brows scrunch at him.
"Funny.." You hesitantly take his arm as he guides you down the hall. "Imagine the look on my dad's face if brought my gym teacher to my graduation dinner as my date." You laugh.
"I don't think he'd be too surprised actually. Considering he already invited me." Negan smirks at you.
You stare at him with a blank expression. "What do you mean?"
"Okay, maybe invited is a strong word.. but it didn't take much convincing for them to agree to let me tag along. I am pretty charming after all." He winks arrogantly, opening the door for you and leading you towards his corvette parked out front.
He opens the car door for you and you eagerly climb in, inhaling the manly scent, but not without noticing the faint hint of nicotine. Your eyes roam around the red interior, quickly stopping on the pack of cigarettes in the drink holder.
..... That fucker.
tag list. ily babies. @loganlostitall @chaospossum @negansbabydoll66 @redqueenphoenix @n3g5nx @crustyweirdo @youngpersonaathletebear @sadgirlzluvdilfs @ilovebill-and-gustav @neganscumbucket @manipulatorpoem @im-a-goddamn-cat @raininhell @mahogany-cherry-wine @daryldixmedown @munsonslovergirl @sanctuaryforthelost @thelauraborealis @carlgrimesbbg @c3linesworld @blueheisenbergtragedy @startwinklekitty @darlingmadelinee @oceandeepthirst @jschlattsqtip @lavenderchai @sweetbutpsychobutsweet @neganswoman @n7crophiliac @cats-writing @alldevilsarehere90 @natykacenka @queermilfs @stasiaangelsinner @lupa-03 @sadgirlzluvdilfs @pamago-bb @javier-penas-wifexx420 @motelprincess444 @thatonefroggirl @myhappyplaceofstuff @darlingmadelinee @used2beee @easystreet07 @princess-23-xoxo @twdxtrevor @bean-is-reading @negantwd4l @neganscumbucket @nikkithefurtrash @yourprettyyygirl @cinnamoroll-things
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☕️ CM Meet Cute Fics 📚
Hey friends! I want to start by saying thank you so much to everyone who participated - You are appreciated and the diversity only makes these events better.
Without further ado, here are all of the entries + recs for the Meet Cute Challenge! 🤗
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@emberfrostlovesloki 's Masterlist of Entries: This lovely prolific writer has entered several fics, which include Hotch/Reader, Emily/Reader, and Spencer/Reader fics! Check out their page for even more!
P.S. At the end of this post, I included all my fics for this challenge!
SFW S.R./GN!Reader
Heart Language by @foxy-eva: Spencer has a crush on his doctor (and the feeling is mutual)
Warmth by @cecedownbad: A mystery man stumbled on to you, his gestures alone changing the dim scenery into a bright fantasy.
And in the Beginning... by @milla984: After spending a day at D.C.’s multifandom convention, Spencer spills his coffee on Reader.
(Not So) Stupid Things by @railingsofsorrow: Reader is a detective on a case the FBI is called to work on. While trying to make a good first impression, they forget that Spencer doesn't shake hands.
Frights & Fractures by @therealmsdelulu: Spencer accidentally gets hurt in a spooky attraction and Reader, a scare actor, breaks character to help.
Style Theory: Fashion student Reader meets their favorite scholar and teaches him a lesson in self-love.
SFW S.R./Fem!Reader
The Perfect Seat by @/foxy-eva: Reader's never liked crowded trains until a handsome stranger fell right into her lap.
Funny Thing Fate: Autistic!Reader is tipsy and lost in D.C. when she spots a man she thinks might be able to help.
Coffee Caramels by @007reid: Reader sits next to a stranger in the theater, but the two end up bonding when there's a technical glitch.
Every Single Day by @astrophileous: When his daughter demands to hear the story of how Spencer and Reader met, he must oblige.
War and Peace & Coffee by @drgenius-reid: Spencer meets a lovely stranger in a coffee shop where they read together.
NSFW S.R./Fem!Reader
In Full Bloom by @/foxy-eva: A random interaction between Spencer Reid and Reader leads to weeks of longing and yearning until they decide they have spent enough time being strangers
Get Lucky: It’s 3AM and a pipe burst in Reader’s apartment. She is soaked, angry, and forgot her wallet and phone. Her neighbor Spencer tries his best to make the night not terrible.
Elevator Pitch by @reiderwriter: Getting trapped in an elevator is never fun, but at least the attractive man sharing the metal box of death has an interesting idea about how to can pass the time.
And for my Next Trick... by @reidmotif: Reader and Spencer unknowingly match costumes at a Halloween party.
Assorted Fics (A.H., D.M., E.P., T.L., P.G.)
What a Ride by @alluring-andrayav: [SFW, Hotch/GN!Reader] Whilst on a bus ride to work, Reader gets knocked into a very handsome strangers lap.
Midnight by @foxy-eva: [NSFW, E.P./Fem!Reader] Emily is the most stunning woman Reader has ever seen, so she makes sure their night together doesn’t end anytime soon.
Falling for Me Already? by @alluring-andrayav: [SFW, Derek/Fem!Reader] It's Reader's first day of work, and her heel breaks. Thankfully, Derek is there to catch her.
Supervisory Special Agent by @alluring-andrayav: [SFW, Derek/Fem!Reader] Reader already met Derek, but neither of them realize it for a ridiculously long time because she has much bigger issues to worry about.
October by @gaelic-symphony: [SFW, Temily] The couple arrives in a couple's costume.
Adding It All Up by @masterwords: [SFW, Hotch/William LaMontagne Jr.] Hotch follows Reid and Jack into a haunted house. Inside he meets a ghost and stumbles right into some unexpected arms.
Collision by @codename-mom: [Gen Fic, Hotch & Penelope] A brand-new BAU is forming but there is still someone missing. The team masterpiece: a technical analyst.
Co-Creator NSFW Entries (S.R./Fem!Reader)
Devil in the Backseat: Reader is a little too much for Spencer (he’s into it).
Yellow Light: Everyone thinks Reader is dangerous. Probably because she’s Cat’s sister. But is that why Spencer likes her?
Big Bad Wolf (Part 1, Part 2): Spencer is overwhelmed by the apparent innocence of an elementary school teacher he meets on a case.
All Legs: Tall!Reader. Spencer meets a woman at an event and finds he really wants to be under her heels.
Co-Creator SFW Entries (S.R./Fem!Reader)
Serendipitous: Spencer’s pretty sure Penelope mixed up his blind date.
Dead Air: Professor Reid is hesitant to be a guest on his old student’s true crime video series, but is surprised to find it’s not so bad.
Porcelain: Autistic!Reader has a meltdown in the cafe. Luckily, there is a Dr. Reid nearby.
Baggage Claim: Autistic!Reader is having a hard time at the airport.
Mister Spencer: Reader has a crush on her child’s teacher.
Maddening One, My Goddess: Spencer has a one night stand… on February 13th. The next day, he is confronted with a familiar face on his pre-planned double date.
Studious Shadow: Reader’s crush won’t stop avoiding her at work and she thinks he might hate her.
Stranger Danger: Reader is a single mother having a very bad day.
Happy Reading!
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coltishcaterpillar · 2 months
Text
Unmasked / Platonic!Father Alastor x Teen!Daughter Reader
Chapter I: Introduction
Summary:
Two days after the Extermination, a bored Emily reads through private records of Heavenly residents and sinners alike.
During her mindless scrolling, she comes across a vintage diary smelling of old paper, from the late 20s-early 30s. It details the life of the teenage adopted daughter of the Radio Demon; up until her death at aged 16 on January 11th, 1934.
WARNINGS: Mentions of Racism
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April 4th, 1932
Have you ever seen a top hat, what one really looks like on a person?
Neither have I, until today. At the end of Merritt Street, there’s a small accessories store that sells jewellery and clothing alike.
I used to frequent there, but I’ve never been a fashionable girl. I’m a larger fan of browsing; just admiring the beauty of art from afar, rather than acquiring it.
I never realized how much I missed the little establishment until I saw my favourite businessperson; Anne Brewster. A short, tout woman she was. Her skin had a grey tinge to it, a pointy nose that popped out her features; bright brown eyes and hair as white as pearls, short and thin as straw.
I greeted her with my usual demeanour. Quiet and curt, a straight wave and a superficial smile. The woman has a tendency to chatter; most of the time I don’t have time to interject, so I just listen.
I went in the shop with Elbert Graves; a fellow classmate of mine in mathematics. He’s not my ideal source of company, I’ll admit. I get along much better with other girls, but this helpless boy is always on my tail, and I can’t bare to tell him to get lost.
We came across a jet-black top hat with a golden ribbon wrapped around its rim. It was on display, but there was no glass so we assumed we could sample it. Elbert looked utterly ridiculous in it; far too flashy, and way too gigantic for his pea-sized head.
I managed a small laugh, as that’s the reaction he would’ve wanted from me. Ever the jokester…
I took a seat on the cushioned chair in front of the store’s entrance. Whilst Elbert was fooling around with other gadgets, Anne took to speaking with me.
She spoke a great deal about her grandchildren, and then inquired me about Papa.
Pa doesn’t usually wander about these places, but he knows Anne from university; they attended the same one in Shreveport, in September of 1908. Pa wanted to become a broadcaster post-secondary (to which he achieved) and Anne wanted to edit the local newspaper part-time; she was getting old, but didn’t want to stop working. She didn’t end up pursuing it, however, she dropped out her third year to take care of Rachel (her eldest grandchild who was 5 at the time.) Then, she inherited this business when Mr. Brewster, her father, died. He owned the shop.
She asked about his job was working out for him. Pa never speaks about work when he arrives home; usually he’s more interested in my daily activities. I don’t listen to Pa’s radio channel anyways, because the subjects he covers doesn’t appeal to me.
I just told her he was thriving; because in a way, he was. Pa was rarely in a sour mood. Of course, he gets moody when I do something out of line from time to time, but his attitude is always uplifting.
Elbert excused himself to the restroom at the back of the desk; that’s when she started talking about adolescent things. Boys…..
“Elbert is a such a handsome boy, don’t you agree?”
“Not particularly.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?”
“His chin is too long, and his head is too small for his broad shoulders. Not to mention his personality isn’t to my tastes. He’s far too extroverted and cheeky.”
“Oh, come now, my lovely. Surely, we can’t all be picky! What ever will you do when you grow into a young woman? Who will be around to take care of you?”
“Pa will, no doubt.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. Your father will be far too senile to care for you when you’re in your prime! You need a strong man!”
“Too senile?! Surely, you jest. Pa may be lanky, but he’s very capable. He was only twenty-five when he adopted me, he’ll only be middle-aged by the time I’m an adult.”
“You say Elbert is cheeky, but I see a lot more cockiness coming from you than I ever have with him.”
“Only an outside observer can properly assess my personality. Perhaps you just see my persona differently than I.”
“Is that so?”
The bell hanging from the door rang; in came a man, dressed in a business suit, a large briefcase held in his right hand. He had been more wrinkly than I had last seen him: Anne’s partner, Mr. Devereaux.
He has a very thick Yorkshire accent; Anne and him met while she was on vacation in London; Mr. Devereaux was studying photography. When they first met in late 1864, they weren’t sure whether or not they could ever be together. Anne is a very brown woman, you see. Very. Mr. Devereaux is about as white as a sheet. People often look down on….colourful couples…? More harshly. They aren’t allowed to be married, so they had to improvise.
Forgive me for not mentioning this sooner, but Anne is actually good friends with my Grandma. Pa is half-Creole, you see, and my Grandma’s roots come from there. So, the Brewsters are actually well-acquainted with my family.
Mr. Devereaux sat his briefcase beside the door, across from where I was seated. He flashed me a toothless smile; quite literally, since they all rotted out of his mouth due to age.
I gave him a curious look back.
“Back from business, old man?” I tease.
He chuckled; giving me an affectionate pat on the head.
“Oh, well, look at you! Already at it with the nosy interrogation, I see! I’ve missed you, sweet girl.” He smiled.
I narrowed my eyes. He didn’t answer the question….
He turned his attention to Anne quite quickly. Leaning over the desk, he planted a kiss on her forehead.
“The trip went smoothly,” He told Anne, “Janice sent you a letter. It should be in the mail soon, my darling.”
Janice was their daughter.
“Lovely.”
He turned his entire body so it faced me, with an inquisitive look on his face. He then turned and whispered to Anne,
“Al is out late again?”
“I don’t know, my sweet. I’ve seen her out and about all day with Elbert, he must be. It’s nearly nine.”
“I thought his radio shows were done by four?”
“Perhaps the schedule’s changed, dearest. Let’s not be nosy, it’s not our business.”
I let out a deep breath through my nose, standing up. Pa likes to hang around a few stores after work, so I tried my best not to let their observations get to me. Perhaps he was already home!
Anne leaned over from behind Mr. Devereaux.
“Could you go check on Elbert, hun? He’s been in the restroom for quite a while.”
I sigh. Without a response, I head toward the back desk, into the small hallway that had the restrooms.
I knocked on the door, firmly.
“El?” I addressed him by nickname.
“Mhm?” His hun echoed off the door.
I raised an eyebrow. “What have you been doing in there these past fifteen minutes? It was eight-forty when you went in, it’s five to nine already!”
Within seconds, he came out of the door, an awkward smile plastered on his face. A blush dusted his cheeks as well; I narrowed my eyes at him. Did he have the runs?
“Finished?” I asked him without judgment.
“Yes.” He said, curt.
I lead him back to the entrance of the store, passing Anne a smile. I turn my gaze back to Elbert.
“I’m going to be leaving now. I hadn’t realize how late it was. Will you be alright on your own?” I asked, a tint of concern in my voice.
“Of course. See you later?” His tone was hopeful.
Without a pause, I said, “Yes, I’ll see you later.”
I said my goodbyes to Anne and Mr. Devereaux, and sent my regards to Janice.
When I exited the store, it wasn’t as dark and drab as I thought it would be; I still heard birds chirping, and I could see my way almost perfectly. Just another perk of springtime, I suppose.
When I arrived home, Pa was indeed on the couch, his legs crossed, with a newspaper in hand; black coffee was situated on the side table.
“Home at long last, my dear!” He put his newspaper down; and I ran over, kissing him on the cheek.
“Sorry, Papa. How long did you have to wait?”
“Oh, not long at all!” He chuckled heartily.
I turn over to the rounded wooden table in the dining room; a large cloth bag sat on it; my eyes lit up in curiosity.
“Now, now,” Pa waved his finger, “I know that dangerous gaze. Don’t go peeking around my things, dear.”
I put on a thinned-lipped smile, leaning on the armrest.
“What, do you have something to hide, Papa~?” I leaned in, teasingly.
It was meant to be a joke. A rhetorical question. Yet, I couldn’t help but notice his fist clench up, if only for a moment. His body language was saying something different than what his mouth was.
“Is it really too much to ask to keep yourself out of my business?” He bit his lower lip.
When Pa took that tone with me, I knew it was time to pipe down. I decided to change the subject, sitting next to him on the couch.
“Elbert and I took a stroll around the avenue.” I said, tracing along the armrest.
I could FEEL Pa’s eye roll without even looking.
“Out with that wretched boy again, are we?” He took a casual tone as he sipped his coffee, but I knew the mere thought of Elbert irked him.
Pa has never interacted much with my friends, so I thought El would be another drop in the ocean. I think his hatred of him has something to do with that one time he came over here.
Everything was alright until dinner time.
The few hours earlier, Grandma treated us with a generous amount of Jambalaya. She always makes the best, after all.
Elbert made an….observation? While we were eating and it made Pa freeze.
“This is some slave food! Who made it, a peasant?”
All I remember was Pa’s grip tightening so much on the fork. I leaned over to where he was sitting and rubbed his arm a little.
I disliked the comment too. That was my Grandma he was speaking about….
After El left, I noticed Pa staring at the wooden spoon on the shelf. I know that blasted piece of cutlery all too well….
Pa is good at discipline. Even when my other friends came over, he’d always make an effort to chastise them if they didn’t say please or thank you.
Long story short, I think Pa wanted to beat El. That’s probably why he was showing such immaculate restraint at the table. I can’t imagine another person disciplining somebody else’s child would go…smoothly, anyway.
He had valid reason to hate him, I suppose. I’m not fond of Elbert either, but…how do you find it in your heart to say no? I suppose I’ve never really had a backbone, but…it seems that he’s really fond of me.
“How was work?” I asked with a smile.
“It held all of its classic theatrics! You should find it in your soul to listen to my shows, my dear.” He beamed.
I was deep in thought.
“Don’t I hear enough of your voice already?”
Pa chuckled his little chuckle that always made my chest warm.
“You can never have too much of your father!”
Time went on as usual; a few moments later I decided to pack up for bed; Pa went upstairs to get his radio ready to listen to. He always does before he sleeps.
I took that as an opportunity to ponder; I turned my gaze back to the bag on the table. Pa notoriously hunts, but it was far too late for food, so it made me wonder.
I slid toward it with my socks against the hardwood. I breathed in deeply; perhaps there was a certain scent? All I could smell was the dusty fabric; nothing more.
With a sigh, I decided to leave it for now. Maybe it’s….best that I don’t.
Y/N
——————
Emily blinked once. She recognized the background; that this child of one of the hotel staff in Hell.
Taking the historical piece of literature to St. Peter, she inquired,
“St. Peter, hi! I was just wondering if there is a girl here in Heaven named Y/N L/N?”
St. Peter smiled in delight, getting out his holy book, scanning through all the people with your name; going roughly by last name. His face fell as they came to an end.
“Unfortunately not, Em! It’s…strange, considering the circumstances. Sixteen is very young for a person to end up in Hell…but she isn’t in Heaven.”
Emily frowned, eyeing the diary in her hands. Perhaps she’d find the answer in there….
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ooffmlsorry · 7 months
Text
Law Bends the Rules for You
A/N: This is my first time writing "Law x reader" or "x reader" in general. Takes place before Dressrosa. Oh! and have fun reading!
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To a planner like Law, you had an invaluable devil fruit: the spy-spy fruit. The ability to touch any item and know everything about it instantly.
Moments ago, you had taken off one of your gloves and touched his hat. You were able to tell him what kind of animal it was made out of, who made it, from what store it came from, that it belonged to him and how long he'd had it. You were even able to tell him when he had modified the brim.
"If the item has been around a person long enough, I can even tell a little bit about them," you said, casually, even though your heart was pounding. Law could probably see the pulse throbbing in your neck. You came across pirates all the time but none from the Worst Generation. He was taller than you expected, handsomer, and more composed than his exploits at Sabaody Archipelago two years ago would've let on.
"I know this hat has been through a lot." You chose your next words carefully, "and it's owner has too."
Laws golden eyes flashed for a moment.
Something about that caused a flutter from your heart to your stomach. The wanted poster truly didn't do him justice.
"I-I'll help you. I'll join your crew," you stuttered. "Under two conditions."
Law smirked roguishly and raised an eyebrow. He remembered you saying you wouldn't make for a good pirate but from where Law was sitting he could see the makings of one already. Making a deal with him was bold.
"What makes you think I'll agree?" He rested his hand lazily on Kikoku, a wordless threat. His eyes drifted over your body back up to your face. "Or I could just make you, you don't look all that strong."
As much as that shouldn't have been hot it was, and that was almost as concerning as the implied threat in his words.
You rolled your eyes and looked away from him to hide the heat creeping up your face. "Why don't hear them before you say no," you snap.
Law scoffed, but his hand left Kikoku. He leaned his elbows on his thighs and laced his fingers together, ready to listen to you. "Out with it then, [Name]."
"Please don't make me wear one of those suits the rest of your crew has on," you said.
It was almost enough to make you burst out laughing the way Law's hands dropped as well as his jaw, eyes wide in a mix of shock and disturbance. You managed to stifle it just enough to continue. "I'll wear the insignia, make my own clothes if I have to, but I've spent enough time looking how someone else wanted me." You left it at that.
Law composed himself. Was it just your imagination or was he embarrassed you managed to catch him off guard. He cleared his throat and looked away from you. "Ridiculous, but fine," he said. "Is you're second just as stupid?"
You grinned. "Yeah," you said and carried on in the same breath without giving him time to interrupt. "You have to let me bring my cat!"
Law had no clue by agreeing to your conditions he was doomed to repeating himself on why Y/N got to wear whatever she wanted. Most of the time his answer included: "Because I said so" in true tired grump fashion.
A/N: welp, that's it. Hope you liked my first foray into writing "x reader." I guess stay tuned for more? Idk? I hope you have a good day <3
Part 2
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sotwk · 11 months
Text
Taken (Eomer x femReader )
Part 1 of 3
Part 2 / Part 3
Love Confession feat. Eomer Eadig
Valentine 2023 Event by @sotwk
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Summary: The lone shield-maiden in Eomer's Éored has been secretly in love with him for years, but has long accepted that that he can never share those feelings. At the feast of King Elessar's coronation, she is surprised to learn that there may yet be hope.
Prompt: "It's like you never really see me. I'm standing right in front of you and you don't see me!"
Requested by and Dedicated to: @writefortherain-blog Thank you for making this request and giving me the opportunity to write for Eomer!
Word count: 2.4k
Content: Romance, angst, mutual pining, oblivious to love, jealousy, forbidden relationship, class division, shield-maiden, King Eomer, post-RotK
Rating: T (Teens and up)
Warnings: Some sensuality
To Read on AO3: Link
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Taken 
Third Age 3019 May 1
Minas Tirith
PART ONE
Downing that fourth cup of wine had been a mistake. Or was it the fifth? Sixth? The ridiculous dress with its rib-crushing bodice and neckline positioned nowhere near your neck, had also been a mistake, even though the local clother had insisted to you that it was in the "proper" Gondorian fashion. The entire evening and its inconveniences had all been for a failed end. 
You finally jostled your way out of the packed feasting hall and stumbled outside to the courtyard, your compressed lungs and flushed skin rejoicing at their contact with the cool night air. One hand rose to massage your throbbing temple, and the other clawed irritatedly at the boning that caged in your unacceptably unfeminine frame. 
"Never again," you seethed under your breath, as you crossed the white-stone pavement to move even farther away from the chaos you escaped. 
It had been a painful decision to ride out to Minas Tirith with the rest of your Éored and attend the coronation of the returned King of Gondor. You despised grand affairs, knowing well enough the requirements rules of court would impose on you, unwieldy formal attire being just one of them. These were at least tolerable within Rohan, where you could find some comfort amongst familiar faces and settings. But as the lone female who rode in the company of the Third Marshal, you refused to be excluded from any undertaking by your Éored, however dangerous or unpleasant. Whether it broke your arm or shattered your heart.
"I can just go," you thought, casting a quick glance back at the great hall, alive and alight with the merry cacophony of a thousand revelers that would surely last until dawn. The two hours you already spent mingling to the best of your limited ability had to suffice, and it was doubtful your presence would even be missed. 
But the call of a deep voice stalled your retreat, loud and commanding and instantly recognizable even across a distance as it shouted your name. The soldier in you succumbed to the instinct to obey your Marshal, to honor the oath you had sworn on your knees years ago. 
The flickering flames of nearby torchlights reflected against the carved silver panels of the breastplate he donned over his lavishly embroidered tunic. Famously handsome even when caked in blood and grime, Eomer was breathtakingly resplendent bearing the regalia that befitted his station. King Eomer now, you reminded yourself, as you dipped your head in a bow. 
“My lord.”
“Is something amiss? Why did you leave?” His narrowed eyes upon you were penetrating, his tone demanding rather than concerned. Lying to someone you had spent practically every single day of your adult life with was difficult, and even more so with an addled brain, so you knew you had to mince words carefully.  
Fortunately, you had years of practice doing exactly that. 
“I underestimated the potency of their vintage, and downed one cup too many.” You scrunched up your features in a grimace that just slightly exaggerated your pain. “I thought it best to excuse myself and retire for the night.”
“Perhaps if you rested a while and ate some food…” He rested a hand lightly on your shoulder. “It is much too early and the quarters would still be empty. I know you detest fraternizing, but just sit at the table with the rest of our men.”
You released a graceless guffaw and a puff of wine-tinged breath. “Half of them are already deeper in their cups than I, and getting sloppier by the second. I finally had to remind Héothain of his manners the second time he tried to sneak a hand down the front of my dress.”
“He did what?” Eomer’s sudden growl awakened you to your own carelessness and slip of the tongue. Smooth-cheeked Héothain was the youngest and newest addition to the Éored, and remained sorely lacking in experience with women. He should not be held accountable for his awkwardness amplified by insobriety. 
“It was a silly mistake that caused no harm,” you insisted, pulling back as Eomer attempted to lead you off by the elbow. “Two sprained fingers taught him a lesson he shall not soon forget.” 
Eomer glowered at you but remained silent for a pause, as he did whenever running through courses of action in his mind. “Then you can come sit by me at the King’s table.”
Your laugh in response to that suggestion was shrill and nervous, as he looked so serious making it. “I most certainly cannot… my lord.” You stated your defiance firmly, baring a toothless pertinacity against your leader, and underneath it a silent plea that the friend in him would understand. “There is no place for me amongst such esteemed company and truly, there is nothing in the world I would enjoy less at this moment.” 
You sighed and braced one hand below your rib area, massaging a spot where the corset dug into a still-tender battle injury. 
“Please. Let me go back to my room where I can be rid of these dreadful garments.”
“No.” The immediacy and sharpness of his refusal made you blink in surprise. “Not until you explain yourself to my satisfaction.”
“Pardon, my lord?”
“Hah, there! That is what I am speaking of.” 
“I’m afraid I don’t understand--”
“When did you cease to call me by my name in private conversation? Or last bother to converse with me at all?!” You took too long to answer, and he barreled on, hazel eyes flashing with the sudden rise of agitation. “Let me enlighten you, since I recall it well. It began after Theodred’s death, accompanied by a host of other changes in your behavior towards me that you think I have not noticed!”
You scrambled to concoct a rebuttal, another feint to keep him from uncovering your secrets. Alas, your dulled mind had frozen completely in the face of the horse-lord’s fury, which had never been directed at you in such a manner.
“You are misreading things, my lord, or else imagining them. I cannot say that I--”
“You cannot even look me in the eye these days of late!” Eomer snapped. “Nor can you stand to be in any room I am in for long.” He threw out his arm in the direction of the great hall. “Even now you rebuff any attempt I make to spend time with you.”
“I…I…” You stammered, rendered helpless before his unexpected wrath, cursing yourself for the poor timing of your inebriation. How could you put up your shields when your mind was struggling to pick out your own lies from the truth?
“If you are angry with me, I would have you admit to it now. I will no longer be played for a fool.”
Indignation pooled in your gut, crawling upward until it deepened the coloring of your already flushed face. “I confess to nothing! For what cause do I have to be angry?”
“Because you loved him!” Eomer erupted. As you gaped at his outburst, he gripped a fistful of his hair, and took in one sharp breath, steeling himself. “You loved Theodred,” he finally said, in a voice gone cold and quiet. “And you place blame on me for his death.”
The fire in your belly flared at the terrible accusation. “Theodred was murdered by Saruman, and only a traitor would fault you for that vile cur’s deed.” You shook a finger at him emphatically. “I am no traitor.”
“Did you love my cousin?”
“Of course I did,” you said stoutly. The prince’s demise plagued you still, for you had been the one to spot Theodred’s body amongst the corpses that littered the fords. And after he’d been borne away to Meduseld, you never saw him alive again, and all you could do was weep in the privacy of your quarters, which you did for weeks, mourning the loss of so much more than a dear friend and mentor. 
“No one has ever shown me greater kindness than Theodred.” You held a hand over your heart as a different ache rose in you. “He believed in me at a time when no one else would, not even you." 
Eomer had fallen silent, but you saw his cloaked shoulders rise and fall, broad chest heaving in the manner so familiar to you. It was the way he looked on the battlefield, where his blood ran hottest, and he was fighting to balance out the genteel lord and savage killer that both resided within him. He was so thoroughly upset with you. 
“If I have made you feel like your cousin’s fate was in any way your fault, I am truly sorry,” you said. "But what sort of questions are these, and why are you asking them now?"
His gaze flicked back in your direction, leaden with anguish. "You should know why."
“I am telling you I do not, my lord, and I must beg you to explain why you are speaking so cryptically."
“You wish for me to explain in words something I have been trying to show you for years now?!” He gave a strangled laugh and raised his eyes and hands to the night sky. "Bema…"
“It is as though you never really see me,” he muttered, almost as though speaking to himself. “Here I am, standing right in front of you, and you do not see me!"
But you did hear his mumbled complaints, and suddenly it was all too much. Your sickening weariness, your aches both physical and emotional, your befuddlement caused by the six drinks and this man's unhinged raging as he launched yet another ludicrous accusation at you.
"Not see you?" you repeated, and something about just saying it rammed open the gate behind which you had caged up every real thing you ever wanted to say to Eomer, Son of Eomund. 
"If such a thing were possible, I would wish it upon myself immediately!" you exclaimed. "But you are all I ever see, even when I do not wish to! Even when I flee from your presence, I can never escape a face that refuses to leave my thoughts!" 
Oh Valar, no. STOP. Panicked, you bit down on your lip to imprison the words fleeing your mouth, so hard you tasted blood. But Eomer suddenly moved forward, encroaching on the space you desperately fought to maintain for your own protection, and his hazel eyes locked into yours to wrench away the last of your defenses. 
"It hurts too much, can you not understand?!" you cried, managing one step back. "To remain in the presence of the one thing you most desire but will never have, to be taunted by a dream that will never be fulfilled, to watch as it falls into the possession of another while you can do absolutely nothing!"
He spoke your name, his voice oddly hoarse, and shame finally came crashing down inside you. Your hands flew up to hide your face and suddenly he grabbed your wrists, tugging your arms away only to replace your hands with his own, warming your cheeks with his calloused palms. 
“Then see me now,” he ordered. “And know I have always understood how that feels. What great fools we have both been all along to deny ourselves our true desires.”
“Eomer, what--” The stroke of his thumb over the corner of your mouth drove the rest of the words away, and the parting of your lips and flutter of your eyes gave him the approval he sought. 
His kiss tasted more glorious than they did in a thousand daydreams combined. It did not surprise you that he was completely unlike the other men you had kissed before. Whereas lesser men were greedy and sloppy in their hunger, the caress of Eomer’s mouth was deep and languid, almost worshipful in its exploration of your lips, as though he aimed to savor every small sensation and intended to carry on doing this with you forever. 
His one arm looped around your waist to hold you covetously against him; his broad left hand traveled from your cheek to cradle the back of your neck, his long fingers burying themselves into your hair, tips grazing your scalp. It fired up a new heat in you that you had never felt before, not with such raw intensity, and a tremulous whimper escaped your throat. 
But the sound of your own pleasure was your undoing, for it triggered an alarm in your head, one that caused you to break away from Eomer’s passion. You mumbled against his lips the words you had conditioned yourself for years to think around him. 
“My lord, I cannot…”
He paused, his eyes still dazed and unfocused, caught in a state of bliss--one that you caused, you realized with a shiver. “You cannot… what?” he said thickly. Without waiting for an answer, he dipped back in eagerly to trail his mouth up your jawline, his tongue skimming the tender pulse underneath your ear. 
You gave a small cry and pushed against his chest with more force, immediately waking his attention. His arm around your waist remained stubbornly secure however, and it took you physically prying the powerful limb off for you to slip free. Either due to shock or lingering delirium, Eomer did not resist. 
“I cannot…” Your voice broke even as you clung to your resolve. “I cannot have you.”
His heavy brows furrowed. “What?” Within seconds the confusion lifted to uncover his dismay, layered with anger. “You would speak lies and nonsense again, after everything I told you?”
“It is the truth, Eomer!” You started backing away already, stepping faster and faster as he began to move and reach out for you. “You can never be anything more than a dream to someone like me. I cannot have what is already taken.”
“Taken? What--wait! No!” He started to run, but you had already turned heel and were sprinting full-speed towards the Citadel Gate. You had always been faster on your feet; there was no hope of him catching up if you refused to heed his orders. “Stop!”
His shouts of your name faded quickly, drowned out by the noise of the milling crowd you plunged into and the thunder of your own frantic heartbeat. You slowed to a walk but kept a quick pace, weaving haphazardly through the throng and on and on until you’d descended at least two levels. Only then did you duck into a side street and survey your surroundings.
Your escape succeeded. Neither Eomer nor any Rohirrim were anywhere to be found, at least for the moment.
You collapsed upon the nearest doorstep, exhaustion and aches finally overcoming you. As the chaotic whirlwind within you settled, so too did the reality of what just occurred sink in. 
Eomer desired you, perhaps even loved you as you did him. But the King of Rohan’s love was not for you, a common soldier, to take. You had known that all along, and he did too. It was unkind of him to give you such false hope. 
Raising your fingers to your swollen lips, you felt the ghost of his perfect kisses on them, and finally burst into tears over yet another memory that will grieve you until your trampled heart could bear no more.
To be continued...
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ang3l-fac33 · 2 months
Note
Sorry if I already sent this in! Was inspired by bambygourl’s fanart and a TikTok I saw (this right here, https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTkJvGK/ ). Dressing up as Roger and Jessica Rabbit for a costume party with Lucifer. I think he’d be all pouty and grumpy about dressing up as such a silly character and not a suave charming character. Especially since he’d take a look at the white button up, red trousers with suspenders, and blue bow tie with yellow polka-dots and see it as a fashion nightmare XD. And don’t get him started on the bunny ears and tail. Tho his mood is sufficiently uplifted when he sees the reader dressed up as Jessica Rabbit. Low cut red dress with a slit and all. Just imagine pulling on his suspenders or bow tie for a kiss, getting lipstick on his mouth and face, and cooing over how adorable and handsome her honey-bunny is.
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i’ve actually never seen who framed roger rabbit so i hope i got a good idea of this!
warnings:not proofread
there was really no convincing you otherwise, not even his puppy dog eyes worked on you! you even went as far as to use the ‘do it for me and charlie?’ card since the costume party was being hosted at the hotel, and you knew he couldn’t say no to that.
charlie had been super excited to throw this little party, and even expressed how excited she was to see what the two of you would be dressing as. there was no way he could refuse after seeing his daughters excitement. he hated and loved how you knew all his weak points.
so that’s how he ended up in the current situation, standing in front of a mirror with a frown on his face. he already had his roger rabbit outfit on and now was waiting for you to finish dressing up in the bathroom.
as he looked himself over in the mirror a wave of embarrassment washes through him. how could he go out looking like.. this?! he looked goofy! he looked more like a clown than anything else. and do not get him started on the bunny ears and tail!
how was he supposed to go out looking like this? he was the ruler of hell! he should be treated with respect, to be seen in a better costume than this. he was supposed to be feared and intimidating! he’ll only be seen as a joke if he goes out like this!
and not to mention that the outfit and the character itself does not fit him at all. he was charming and suave, not some silly cartoon bunny. it goes against all that he is. and the outfit was a fashion nightmare! he could go on and on about everything that was wrong with this.
he sighed grumpily as he adjusted the suspenders of his outfit, a wave of embarrassment washing over him. he was definitely in charge of picking the outfits next costume party for sure.
“oh honey-bunny, i’m ready!” you called from the bathroom, opening the door and stepping out of it. lucifer groaned and turned around. “i told you not to call me that-“
he had prepared to scold you more for using that dumb nickname, but the words died in his throat upon seeing you in the jessica rabbit outfit. you looked absolutely stunning in your costume! his mouth hung open slightly as he took a good look at you, from the way you had neatly styled your hair to how your body looked in that dress.
you smirked at the way he was looking at you, and you slowly approached him in a similar movement to jessica rabbit. “hm? what were you saying dear?”
lucifer stuttered, a small blush lighting on his cheeks. he was obviously stunned, and didn’t know what to say. “you’re.. beautiful.” is what he managed to stutter out.
you giggled again, a small blush of your own appearing on your cheeks. “thank you dear. you look very handsome.”
that seemed to snap lucifer out of his trance, his stunned expression turning into a pout. he crossed his arms and huffed. “i don’t look handsome, i look totally ridiculous! i can’t believe you talked me into this..”
you sighed playfully and rolled your eyes. lucifer could be so dramatic at times, but you usually let it pass since it was cute. while lucifer was too busy being pouty, you leaned down and hooked a finger around his suspenders, a smirk resting on your lips.
lucifer blinked, looking a little surprised now. he opened his mouth to say something, but was once again stunned into silence when he realized how close the two of you were.
with a hum, you tugged him even closer, both your lips meeting softly. lucifer froze for a moment but was quick to recover, kissing back with a small sigh. the kiss only lasted for a few seconds but when you pulled away lucifer seemed in love all over again. he would never get tired of your kisses, especially when you were so pretty.
“my handsome little bunny..” you cooed, caressing his cheek gently, which made lucifer’s heart leap. he momentarily forgot about his complaints about the nickname and the outfit, leaning into your touch.
“you really think so?” he murmured, his eyes shining. you nodded, giving him a peck on the cheek. “i know so. now are you all ready to go? you don’t want to keep charlie waiting.
lucifer sighed dreamily, seemingly still lost in the moment. “alright..” he said without a fuss, and you smiled. taking his hand, you led him towards the front of the door.
despite looking goofy and unserious in this costume, he knew that he would be having a good time tonight.
i hope you enjoyed this! <3 it was really fun to write! and thank you for submitting
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lonelystarrs · 8 months
Text
𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐔𝐬 .prt 2
𝐺𝑜𝑗𝑜 𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑢 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝐺𝑒𝑡𝑜 𝑆𝑢𝑔𝑢𝑟𝑢
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Sometimes you have to abandon ship to save yourself, you just hoped there would be a shore in the horizon.
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI • smut (Geto only in this part) • hurt / comfort / hurt • poly relationship • Angst chapter • Soft Geto •
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Bickering between the two boys was nothing unusual, it was hardly a rare occurrence to have them butting heads over something that challenged each others testosterone levels. Satoru was usually the cause of it and as patience as Suguru was even he had a limit.
Satoru would stop sulking rather quickly, his attention span wouldn’t allow him to remain bothered by something for too long, he was easily distracted.
Suguru though had more depth than the six eyes, he thought more deeply and doubted himself easily, which is exactly what he was doing when Satoru had gloated about what had happened after the mission.
Satoru who lastly came into this little dynamic between you both was the first to have you alone and it happened behind Suguru’s back.
What bothered him is that you were willing. Those voices in the back of his head that caused doubt surfaced in a rather ugly fashion — as much as Suguru would keep up, he knew deep down that Satoru was always one step ahead in every aspect.
But this was something Suguru found difficult to accept because this entire time he felt he was slightly ahead of Satoru in regards to you. It’s why it bothered him, it left room for doubt to crawl under his skin —did you prefer Satoru? Did you harbour more feelings for him?
Not only that but he had noticed your growing discomfort, you were less bubbly, you weren’t smiling as much and you were pulling away —Geto was convinced you were.
The six eyed sorcerer was the source in his life that took away his doubt and that’s exactly what he was trying to do at present, it just wasn’t sugar coating his doubtful mind like it usually did.
“Ehhhh? Naaaaah!” Satoru waved his hand dismissively, his lips vibrating together in a pftttttt. Acting like Suguru had said the most ridiculous thing in their entire friendship. “-Why would she wanna leave us? She’s practically wrapped up in a handsome sandwich and she’s the juicy ham in the middle! No way. Two good looking guys, strongest and you seen those little love hearts in her eyes when-“
“That’s enough Satoru, something isn’t right you need to be serious for once. Think about someone else for a change, you’re shit with girls so your advice is the last thing I’d take.”
Even Satoru Gojo wasn’t settling the doubt bubbling in Suguru’s stomach like he usually did and it was creating a taste that was worse than those rancid curses he swallowed.
“C’mon she’s fine! You really that bothered I gave her fun time with Gojo’s penis alone?”
Prodding Suguru’s cheek playfully only made him swat at Gojo and glare at him, before shoving his hands into his pockets and slouch his posture before walking off. It didn’t take long for an arm to swing over his shoulders and playfully bump into Suguru.
“No, this is different it’s nothing to do with sex.”
“Y’sure? ‘Cuz It was so good Suguru, she was still full from us at that abandoned school, it was so damn sloppy, gives me a semi thinking ‘bout it.” Satoru chimed, side eying his friend to see his reaction and only smirked when he watched the dark haired boys shoulders tense.
“So you are bothered, I knew it~!”
“Get lost Satoru-“
“Tell ya what-“ suddenly stopped Gojo reclaimed his arm, Suguru walked a few strides ahead, “-because I’m selfless and the most incredible bro you could ask for, you go meet her alone tonight, I’ll see y’tomorrow.”
Suguru glared over his shoulder, not convinced Gojo was being so easily selfless and could hold up his word on actually being left out. The boys were both on their way to meet you and as much as Geto didn’t want to admit it, his friend was excited to see you, evident by Satoru was getting increasingly more giddy throughout the day.
Satoru seemed to be the only one who wasn’t aware that something felt off and it started to convince Geto that perhaps it was because he felt somewhat left out? It would make sense, he doubted himself a lot and this was more personal, this wasn’t work related what so ever.
But this would be a good opportunity for Suguru to assess what was going on —maybe even question you. You always were more honest with him, always easy for him to draw out what you tried to bury.
So he took the offer, waving over his shoulder at Gojo, Geto carried on in the direction to meet you, dropping you a text telling you he was five minutes away.
Geto >Be there in 5
You > Ok, I’ve made ramen for you guys, there’s something I want to talk about with you both.
The words churned Geto’s stomach and his pace slowed to almost a stop as he stared at the words on his phone, thumbs hovering over the illuminated screen as he swallowed thickly reading over it again and again.
“Uh, Suguru are you okay?”
Eyes rose up to meet yours at your front door, he blinked not realising he’d walked the entire length here silently, unnerved by your text.
“Where’s Satoru?”
Locking his phone he shoved it into his pocket, looking away to the side as if it not looking at you would ease the disturbance in his stomach.
“He isn’t coming tonight, it’s just us.”
Suguru couldn’t help but side glance at you, too curious to ignore what your reaction would be to it being just him this evening. Your jaw tensed, your gaze drifted and you chewed the inside of your cheek.
You looked disappointed and Suguru felt nauseated over it.
Ignoring it he played off casually and smiled, the facade only he could pull off so well because he was the best liar and manipulator out of three of you. stepping forward and tucking a strand hair that had fallen from your messy bun, using his soft charm to distract you from that apparent disappointment.
Then use a guilt trip to sway your concerns.
“Food smells really good, hasn’t been just us for awhile thought you’d be alright with it, I can leave if you want. I just still really wanted to see you.”
That should do it.
His heart jumped at the little doe eyed expression you gave and knowing you, you’d be worried that you offended him —because like him you were an over thinker. He smiled a little at your expression, passing it off as his usual softness not letting you see behind it that he was amused you took the bait of his words.
You were just so much less selfish that he and Satoru.
“I didn’t mean it like that! I’m sorry, I’m still really happy you’re here I just-“
You trailed off, that worry glistening in those pretty eyes of yours and the combination of his stomach churning but hope feeling his heart was damn awful.
“You just what?”
“Just wanted to talk to you both at the same time about something —it can wait another day, I guess.”
He didn’t miss your eyes glistening with something else, they were watering, he could feel your agitation and it wasn’t helping his doubt trying to win the race with hope.
“You can talk to me, what’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing, just forget it, please? Can we just enjoy an evening to ourselves instead?”
Your fingers wrapped around his wrist, you half turned to encourage him to come in and smiled at him so warmly, so convincingly lovingly that he felt that worry melt for a few moments.
Hope filled him more and more throughout the evening, winning that race against doubt, the food warmed him and his soul, he laughed with you and doted on you. Washing the dishes after you cooking then helping you put them away.
You cuddled into his side on the sofa, you played with that strand of hair that he left down because he knew you loved twirling your finger around it. You laughed when he pressed kisses over that spot on your neck that made you recoil because it tickled, laughing against your skin he just pulled you closer.
Fingers dancing up the sides under your skirt, thumbs rubbing in circles as he reached your hip. The airy moan that left you sent a pulse to his cock, your fingers threading into his hair until his bun loosened from the band.
He’d rolled you over so easily on the sofa, his lips on yours in some slow, yet messy kiss that felt so passionate it kicked his heart against his ribs.
The airy moans swallowed by each other, clothes still on due to no patience to remove them only undone to release pressure and aid access. The urgency consumed him and you, your nails biting into his back before skimming down to grip his bare ass under his now loose jeans, squeezing his cheeks as he nudged his cock head clumsily against your throbbing pussy.
“Please, Suguru,”
Your lips bit at his bottom lip, pulling it slightly before running your tongue over it. It made him curse against your mouth and inch his dick in slowly, feeling it pop as it pushed through that tight ring of muscle swallowing him greedily.
Your hips jolted, rolled and did everything you could to try to encourage him to fill you properly.
“M’gonna cum if you keep squeezing me like this,”
“Then do it,”
He groaned against your lips, your pleading tone hinted with a demand and you tasted as good as your words, your cherry lip balm smeared across his was removing any traces of those vile curses he swallowed.
“You need to cum first,” he muttered against you, pushing another inch in, “-that’s the rule remember? It’s always you first.”
He felt you clench around him and he chuckled at you, a breathy moan laced with it.
“I thought you liked being degraded, where did being praised come from?”
Satoru had said the same thing and it briefly took your mind back to that mission a few days ago, how lovingly yet messily he’d fucked you alone, then those texts he was receiving.
Those girls. The lack of feeling security from them. The unknown… the need to leave this situation. It had all dissolved in Suguru’s presence, it all went back to how things were before these worries took over.
And that would be fine, if you didn’t feel something for both of them now.
Your heart plummeted as your mind raced back to him, Suguru frowned noticing your stiffness, reaching up he cupped your chin, pulling his lip from your teeth and running his thumb over your bottom lip.
“Look at me.”
You did —stiffly, reluctantly and Geto seen it, he felt it course through his heart in a painful ache. He watched the distraction from the issue he knew was quietly brewing all but disappear in you.
“Just focus on me for now,” he whispered it, almost like he would hope it would calm whatever storm was brewing. He distracted you by filling you with a hard thrust, bullying the rest of his thick cock in and it was hard —your body jolted, the breath hitched in your throat as a gasp, pretty eyes widened and your mouth fell agape.
His mouth messily returned to you, holding you so close it was difficult to thrust into you under him on the sofa, his hips rutting into you in short close punches and it was sloppy. He could hear your cunt squelching as he bullied his cock in, you were so tight and warm, pulses being sent from his lower stomach to his cock as he drank in your moans.
This felt right, so right, no sorcerers, no curses —no ego battles or bickering, just you both again in a way he hadn’t had you alone.
He could focus on you and him for once.
“Y-You’re s-so t-thick S-Sugu-“ each word punctuated with his thrusts, each word stuttered because you were struggling in the most blissful of ways under him.
“Yeah? N’you’re so tight, so wet, you’re so good f’me.”
He loved the feel of your hands gripping his ass as he rutted into you, rolled his hips so beautifully you were starting to see stars, hitting something in you every time that you just couldn’t speak. You felt overstimulated and you hadn’t even cum yet.
“My good girl, is she gonna cum for me?”
His voice was so smooth, so calm before his tongue pressed against your neck, knowing that spot that made your cunt clench and hands grip his ass harder, stiffening under him as that build up rose too quickly under his praise.
“You really like the praise hmm?”
You nodded dumbly, practically clinging to him in hopes that taught line would snap, your orgasm at its peaking waiting for that one move to just push you over.
His hand left you, lifting your leg by the back of your thigh and pushing it up higher, angling his hips he buried into you deeper.
Kissing your throat he could feel you moaning against his lips.
“You’re beautiful, you sound good like this,”
Heat rushed up your neck, blooming on your cheeks and tears welling up in your eyes —his softness, his loving tone was just too much. Your heart swelled until the tears spilled at his praise, Geto noticed when the salty taste on his tongue kissed it away. Following the trail up to the source, he shifted to hover over you and rose a hand to cup your face, thumb swiping away under your left eye.
“Cum for me, then we can talk,” your name left him so softly, his eyes looking into your soul and he kissed at your lips so sweetly “-I’m here,”
“I’m sorry-“
He shushed you soothingly before kissing you again, swiping his tongue across your lip before meeting yours. The short hard punching rhythm of his hips meeting yours, thick cock spreading you open yet you clenched around him so desperate to cum when Geto rotated his hips and it brushed against that spot inside you it finally pushed you over the edge.
“M’cumming- Suguru there, there- I’m cumming,”
He cursed against your mouth as you clamped around his cock, pushing himself to the hilt and hips stuttered as he let you ride out your orgasm on his dick, moaning praise at you.
“Oh Fuck pretty, just like that —cum around that dick, feels good, your pussy feels so good.”
It was almost unbearable how close he was, slurring into your ear as he pressed fully against you, his body convulsing lightly in reaction to how you felt cumming his breath hot against your skin, fingers caressing whatever place they could touch.
He felt you go slack under him, heaving in air trying to recover from the high and his weight countering your attempt to even out your breathing. But Geto didn’t shift, he pressed until he was balls deep and flexed his cock inside of you.
“Gonna help me cum now, love?”
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You > can you guys meet me at our favourite cafe at 730pm tonight please? It’s important need to talk to you both.
You glanced at the clock in the cafe reading 8:34pm.
They’d both read it not long after you’d sent them both the text in your little group chat, Suguru had only liked it in response.
You wanted to believe they were busy with some kind of mission as usual, that they’d been dragged out last minute and were merely running late.
“Hey, can I get you anything else? You’ve been sat here for awhile-“
“No I’m okay thank you, I’m gonna leave in a moment, can you please box up that cake to go though?”
You smiled politely at the waiter, who only gave a small charming smile back before collecting your empty cup and plate. Saying they’d be right back with a box for Satoru’s current favourite sweet treat you’d gotten him.
He’d probably want it after a long day, seems like they were having one.
You tried to tell yourself, focusing on that to stop your head spiralling into more paranoid trains of thought that matched the sinking gut feeling in your stomach that it wasn’t a mission keeping them occupied.
You wrapped your scarf around you, pulling your jacket on to keep you warm but the cold air still bit at you, fog appearing as your hot breath mixed with it, a heavy sigh leaving you with the simple comfort of cosy clothes on a cold evening.
The bag rustled lightly next to you as you stepped towards your dorm, taking a detour wanting to delay your arrival time because you knew as soon as you stepped through the door you’d be hit with that sinking feeling.
What you didn’t expect were two female sorcerers, the mean girls of the little community, stood around smoking in the entrance way. Your name leaving one of them in a sly, sing song tone.
“Aww, you’re on your own?”
“Get lost, Mila, I’m not in the mood.” You retorted stopping in front of them as they stepped in your path, blowing smoke into your face.
“Yeah, I’d be bummed to if I got replaced, it was only a matter of time though.”
You stayed silent, not wanting to aid their taunting but also slightly curious as to what exactly they were talking about. You thought your silence wouldn’t aid them, however it did the opposite.
“Oh? What’s with that look? You don’t know?”
You let out a heavy sigh, trying to remain passive and bored by them, despite your heart falling into your stomach and anxiousness rushing through your veins like fire.
“What don’t I know, Mila?”
“Satoru’s new interest, Suguru is tagging along as well. I mean they’ve been with her all evening, seen them leaving that little maid cafe Gojo likes.. my friend works there, Satoru’s been smitten all evening. Here-“
The illumination from the phone made you squint, almost flinch to adjust to the sudden brightness shoved in your face… but when they adjusted it was a sight you’d rather have not seen.
Satoru was beaming that stupid smile, throwing an arm over a girls shoulder who was blushing furiously trying to hide it under her jacket. Suguru was behind them on his phone for a call, apparently he could use his phone after all, with some exasperated expression on his face. She slid the screen to another photo of Suguru holding the door open to an apartment complex, the girl walking in and Gojo following.
You had no idea who she was, but she was pretty that was undeniable and you knew that look from Satoru. That goofy, cheeky smile, that arm over the shoulder —you knew how felt to be the one under it with his silly way of flirting and teasing. You knew how that blush felt across her cheeks.
This was why you wanted to talk to them, to get an answer —you find some kind of solution and if you weren’t all agreeing then it would cease between you all. You’d call it off —you’d leave as friends and nothing more.
You wanted to get your answer in a way that was mature, instead you got it like this.
With some bitter bitch holding her phone at you like a damn Oscar that she’s won over you. She shook her phone for emphasis and you thanked the gods for your ability to hold your shit together in front of her.
“So? It was only ever sex, no strings attached.”
“Hah?”
“Bullshit! They wouldn’t sleep with us when we offered it and we’re ten times hotter than you!”
“I don’t have time for this playground shit, get lost.”
You pushed past them both without another word, leaving them to stomp at the ground and the other furiously suck on the rest of her cigarette, puffing it out dramatically through her nose.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
You chanted it inside your head not noticing your pace getting faster as you closed in on your dorm room, eyes and nose stinging to hold back frustrated tears before they spilled for anyone to see in the hallways.
The door slammed unintentionally behind you as you dropped Satoru’s cake to the floor, bag rustling on impact as your back hit the door and you slid for the floor.
“Assholes,”
The teary sneer was heard by only you, left in the silence of your dark room, leaving the lights off so if by chance the boys did happen to remember you they’d think you were asleep and leave you be. You just hoped Satoru wouldn’t overstep any boundaries and teleport into your room, or use his stupid six eyes to seek you out.
You succeeded for an amount of time, crying until you ran out and sat numbly on the floor staring at nothing in particular with your arms wrapped around your knees, forehead resting on your forearms. Ignoring the vibrating of your phone in your pocket, letting the calls ring out to voicemail and ignored the odd buzz of texts coming through.
You wanted to be left alone, for once not answering to them and letting distance happen on your terms, not theirs.
But this was Satoru Gojo you were involved with, someone unable to read the mood well, someone who overstepped boundaries as a form of amusement because he never did see any lines drawn in the sand.
The knock on your door wasn’t subtle, it was testing the water to see if you were awake, perhaps the rest of the dorm as well.
“Satoru shut up! Her lights are off, leave her be.”
“Call her again, see if she answers-“
“It’s nearly midnight, let her sleep we will catch her tomorrow.”
“But I wanna see her, it’s been two days.”
The voices were muffled, they sounded tired but oh so clear on who they belong to and your body tensed in apprehension that Gojo would find his way into your room —see you like this, question why you’re like it.
But it was the rage that suddenly erupted in you —a total 360 from the calm mindset you tried to stay in, that made you stand and grab the door handle. Also the cake you’d bought Satoru to eat when he arrived at the cafe like you’d asked.
You swung the door open, both boys turning back to see you and a goofy smile spread over Gojo’s face.
“See! Told ya sh-“
You threw the cake at him, not expecting it to actually hit him square in the face, smearing the cream over his now wonky glasses and the gobsmacked look on both their faces would have been comical if you were so fucking angry.
“What the hell?!”
“Isn’t your infinity supposed to be up?!”
“It isn’t around you! You’re not a threat so why would I keep it up!”
“Oh?! So I’m weak now?”
“Well yeah, but that’s not what I meant!”
Suguru pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply before stepping between you both seeing how you were only bouncing off each other and it was going to spiral faster.
“Can we come in? It’s late, if Yaga finds out we-“
“Finds out what, Suguru?” You sneered, glaring at him harder than you had Satoru. He was using his phone, yet he couldn’t have text you? Let you know?? Screw that!
Geto was stumped, blinking at your attitude and that fact you’d taken it up with him. You never spoke to him like that, you never directed anything at him because it wasn’t him that caused your upset —it was always Gojo.
“That you’re sneaking around, that you’re double teaming whoever when you feel like it?”
“Hey-“
You whirled back to Satoru, pointing at his chest actually making him lean back.
“You I expect it from, being the little fuck boy with the god complex that you are but you-“
Your eyes turned back to Suguru, eyes almost softening on him looking at you like that, he was shocked, not expecting it, almost looked hurt but you were so far gone to even take anything else in that might sway your anger at them.
“I don’t expect it from you, I never did.”
Your voice softened, cracking almost as you felt that angry fog clearing, your wrist being snatched by Gojo made you look back at him and he wasn’t amused.
“We got held up on a mission, which was pretty shitty by the way-“ Satoru’s voice was calm, no playful tone to it like he usually carried, his eyes weren’t leaving yours, not even faltering as he spoke, “-we are sorry we didn’t get back to you about this evening alright? It’s just one evening, you don’t need to be such a bitch about it.”
You snorted a laugh and tried to snatch your wrist away but it failed under his grip.
“Satoru watch your grip,” Suguru moved forwards, seeing that Gojo wasn’t releasing the tension and it was stopping you from getting away like you wanted.
“Get back to me? I was waiting for you guys for over an hour! Tell me how was your mission?”
“You went to the cafe?”
“Well yeah, you liked the message Suguru, I assumed that was a go ahead for it, obviously though I’m not on your list of contacting when you have other females to attend to.”
“You know?”
Your other hand rose to try pry your wrist from Satoru and you tried pulling away, feeling that sting in your nose and eyes again threatening to spill tears you didn’t want them to see. But Gojo’s keen eyes were looking at you like prey, his own blue ones softening for a second when he took a closer look at you.
“You been cryin’?”
“No.”
He rolled his eyes and lifted his other hand to cup your cheek, thumb wiping under your red, puffy eyes giving you some kind of soft smile and it only boiled anger in you further.
Like you expected him to read the situation and take it seriously.
“C’mon, let us inside yeah? We can talk in your room-“ he pursed his lips together in a childish kissy face and leaned forward to kiss you, “-and we can kiss and make up, show you we really are sorry~!”
The childish attempt left Satoru quickly when you tugged your arm harshly to get away and turned your head to the side to avoid the kiss.
“No-“
Suguru was the one to call your name softly and his softness was the thing that cracked your anger, emotions rushing forth in a way that was hard to process, you fought the instinct kicking in to run from them —to be as far away as possible to try save yourself from the heartache crushing your chest.
“I don’t want this —“
The words made Satoru’s grip on you loosen enough to pull yourself from them and back up with your head down, your right hand gripping your left upper arm as you withdrew from them, tears spilling down your cheeks.
“I don’t want this anymore,”
You stepped back and Satoru stepped forward, Suguru was the one to stop him, placing a hand on his shoulder and stepping forward himself.
“Is this what you have been wanting to talk about?”
You nodded unable to meet them, fat tears spilling down your cheeks and it was pitiful. You felt broken it didn’t feel right but it had to be done, you knew this was how it needed to be.
You were declining in this dynamic, between them you were losing yourself.
“Why didn’t you just say something to one of us?”
“Because it’s unfair, it has to be both of you, I couldn’t get one to pass on the message that’s cruel.”
Suguru sighed realising the situation wasn’t going to get any better —you were high on emotions, the most upset he’d ever seen you and you needed space.
Satoru however-
“So that’s it? You’re just done because we didn’t get back to you for one night?”
His head was bowed, white locks covering his eyes but his jaw was tense, his voice quiet yet hard and it only spurred your anger again.
“You left me sitting in a cafe whilst you went out flirting all night in the maid cafe and to double team someone else! You used your phone Suguru and couldn’t even be bothered to message me! I’ve seen the photos. So yeah, I’m done because of this one night, not the girls you constantly flirt with in front of me Satoru, or have them texting you, or you saving their numbers in your pockets!”
The shock was evident on both boys faces, Satoru finally looking up at your outburst, only to see your eyes burning in anger and tears glistening failing to put out the fire in them.
Suguru muttered something about photos, looking somewhat confused.
Whilst Satoru snorted, giving a confusing combination of expression —he was acting like this was ridiculous, like what you said was outrageous. Frown with a light shake of his head but his eyes were contradicting any attitude he used as a facade, they looked hurt… they looked tired.
“So go do what you want, whoever you want —I’m done with being both of you guys little fuck toy.”
“Enough-“
Suguru’s tone was cold, his patience having left him, you rarely seen him angry but he had the audacity to aim it at you.
“It’s late, Satoru and I aren’t in the best place to handle this after today. Things are spiralling and fixing anything like this is futile-“
Gojo turned his eyes away, shoving his hands into his pockets and glaring at the wall like a scolded child.
Suguru’s eyes however, were firmly fixed on you.
“You want space? We will respect that but don’t ever refer yourself to a sex toy again, do you understand?”
He said it with such distaste, such displeasure that you’d seen him pull less of a face consuming curses.
“I don’t want space-“ you were proud of yourself for your voice not breaking, for standing your ground you knew how Geto could lie, how easily he could sway words or situations so you put it in a way that he couldn’t, “-I’m done, Geto.”
Satoru was the first to leave, teleporting himself away without Suguru, the only one brave enough to watch you retreat back in your room, the door quietly clicking and locking behind you.
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©pharix/lonelystarrs 2023 permission is not given to repost, translate or post anywhere else.
Disclaimer: demand another part without any actual feedback/liking/reblogging blankly etc will get you blocked. :) it’s really rude to just demand another part to the story without any acknowledgment of the work that’s gone into it. 👎🏻 I do not do tagging systems, YHE follow button is how you keep up to date.
Thank you. 🫶🏻
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yokohamapound · 6 months
Note
Since tis Spooky Season, how about some wedding headcanons for our goth boys Bram and Akutagawa? :3
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It might no longer be spooky season but goth bois are timeless. <3
Characters: Bram Stoker, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke
Contents: gn!reader, nsfw mention
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Bram Stoker
Bram is certainly the marrying type. Once he’s found someone he feels he can spend the long years of eternity with, he’ll want to lock you down quickly and make it official. Dating is a foreign concept to him, but he will spend some time courting you. He’s very likely the one who proposed marriage, and like, you have eyes, so of course you were going to accept. Who doesn’t want to marry a handsome vampire lord?
It’s not enough to call Bram ‘old-fashioned’. The man is at least several hundred years old, (depending on whether his age is based on the actual Bram Stoker or Vlad Tepes, basis of the legend for Dracula). He’s between approx 170-600 years old. He’s seen trends become traditions and vanish entirely. The wedding would probably be some flavour of traditional, whether that’s a Western white wedding, or a wedding steeped in his spouse’s culture. If you really wanted to, you could have a historical-themed wedding to make Bram feel at home—just expect him to be finicky on the minor details.
“This is the incorrect type of date for this pastry.”
It might take some doing to find a priest willing to marry you to a vampire, or you can forge the documents and have a civil ceremony. It depends on whether or not Bram can actually set foot in a church. He’s probably relieved to discover civil ceremonies are a thing. 
Bram looks beautiful in a suit. Just imagine it. A suit tailored to his ridiculous, 6’5” height, possibly a tailcoat, with a cravat, his long hair tied back. 
You’ll have to bring him up to speed and explain that, apart from certain cultural traditions, dowries aren’t that common anymore, and that he doesn’t have to offer your father 50 goats for your hand in marriage. 
Bram’s a pretty romantic guy, but he always does it with style. He pulls out your chair, his hand is going to rest on the small of your back, and he takes the lead in the first dance waltz, no matter your gender.
The speeches will be short—he’s had to put up with too many of Fukuchi’s soliloquies to want to hear any more monologuing. The wedding dinner—feast, he insists on calling it—is sumptuous, although Bram doesn’t partake. (You’re his wedding feast and he’d rather enjoy that in private.)
Godspeed on your wedding night. Bram’s spent years without a lower half of his body and now he has it back, and a spouse to enjoy. He is…pent up, shall we say~
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke
Poor Akutagawa is still reeling over the fact that he’s getting married. I would say that either you proposed, or Dazai planted the idea in Akutagawa’s head that it was time for him to put a ring on it. If Akutagawa proposed, your ring is some beautiful antique with a large stone and a creepy story attached to it. Don’t forget that Akutagawa makes bank in the Port Mafia. 
Please, please, please plan a goth wedding.
Please remember that this is the same young man who said this when asked what he would give as a wedding present: “I'd gift them the enemy's freshly severed head decorated with bloody barren flowers.” Suffice it to say, Akutagawa should not be left in charge of either your gift registry or the flower arrangements. You will end up with a load of obscure antiques, knives, and bunches of rotting flowers “to show the briefness of our lifespans.” 
Maybe compromise with dried flower garlands or even black roses if you want to go full 2007 My Chemical Romance-core. (Look me in the eye and tell me Akutagawa wouldn’t look up if you played him a G-note on the piano.)
He hates being the centre of attention in the actual wedding, so he’s more than happy to deflect it all toward you instead. The moments he seems happiest are when he gets to see Gin wearing a bridesmaid dress, when Dazai stands up to make a speech (during which Akutagawa sits up like he’s in a school assembly while the headmaster is speaking), and during the vows, when he’s focusing on you and only you. 
He looks wonderful in his suit - let him have full tails and black tie and he'll be content.
Your wedding photographs look like one of those austere Victorian family portraits, save for Tachihara throwing up the bunny ears behind Gin’s head. 
Akutagawa has a secret sweet tooth he won’t admit to, which is why he tries to pretend that he hasn’t had three slices of chocolate cake. 
Either get Dazai drunk or put him in a corner with a plate of crab cakes to keep him occupied, because you really don’t need him making sly comments when it’s time for you and Akutagawa to climb into the car and head off for your honeymoon. His wedding gift for Akutagawa is an inhaler and a note saying, “You’ll need this! xoxo Dazai.”
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noforkingclue · 1 year
Note
Hi! I’m here with a Butcher request, if that’s alright with you? 💕
I wanted to see how Butcher would react to reader gifting him a new Aloha Shirt🌺. (Sorry I just think he pulls them off ridiculously well) Everyone else thinks his shirts are hideous, including this one, so asking them what he’ll think about it only makes reader more anxious about giving it to him🥺
It can be an established S/o or not, and whatever other magic comes from your author brain please!💕 ☺️
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Note: requests are currently closed
I am convinced that Karl Urban can look in anything!
I did this in the mutual pining stage of their relationship. Hope you like it!
Title: Gifts
The Boys tag list: @captainofmybigwetdream, @scraftsku35, @zannemes, @holy-minseok
Billy Butcher tag list: @mrdcks-spaghetti
Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee
Why would someone as handsome as Butcher wear shirts as hideous as those?
And why the fuck did he manage to pull them off so well.
You rested your chin on the palm of your hand as you studied him intently, eyes narrowed. Frenchie had a look of disgusted on his face as he waved dramatically at Butcher. He was clearly as horrified as the rest of you about Butcher’s choice of ‘fashion. Then again, Frenchie had shit taste. You didn’t know when the last time he washed his clothes (and that went for both Frenchie and Butcher).
“What are you thinking about?”
You glanced up at MM before looked back at Butcher.
“Just wondering where he gets those shirts from,” you muttered, “They’re equal parts hideous and fascinating.”
“We should burn them.” Said MM
“Didn’t know you were so keen on seeing Butcher shirtless.” You said with a smirk
MM glared at you but didn’t say anything. You folded your arms and kicked your feet up on the table, a plan forming in your mind.
*
“Oi, what the fuck are you doing up so late? Though I told you cunts to get some sleep.”
You looked over at the familiar sound of Butcher’s voice. You gently closed the door behind you and gave him a small smile.
“Just popped out for a bit.” You said
“Yeah, I can fucking see that. What for.”
You walked over to your bed and sat down on it. The mattress was shitty but you had become used to sleeping in shit conditions. You had drawn the short (or long depending on how you looked at it) straw and had to share a room with Butcher for the night.
“You shirt,” you said, “Got blood on it.”
“Part of the job, love.”
“Got you a new one.”
The silence was thick. Even with Butcher’s back to you, you could see the tension in his shoulders. He looked at you over his shoulder and said,
“Now why would you do that?”
His voice was uncharacteristically soft and you hesitated for a second.
“Because you needed a new one,” you said, “Can’t keep wearing a torn and bloodied shirt.”
“Have done before.”
“Well we’re slightly more infamous now. Might draw some unwanted attention.”
Butcher turned around and raised an eyebrow at you. You just grinned and threw the bag at him. He caught it in one hand but didn’t open it.
“Don’t feel obliged to wear it,” you said, “You can do what you want with it. Burn it. Use it to dress wounds. Whatever. Doesn’t bother me.”
You lay down and rolled over, closing your eyes. You heard the bag rustle as Butcher opened it and you didn’t want to see his reaction. What if he did hate it?
You really hoped that he did like it.
*
“Where does he get them?”
You glanced at Frenchie. He folded his arms, eyes narrowed at Butcher. He looked down at you and waved his cigarette at you.
“I think he does this to piss us off.” He said
“Piss us off?”
“Piss me off,” said Frenchie with an eye roll, “They’re an eyesore.”
“I don’t know,” you smiled slightly as Butcher passed you in the shirt you got him, “They grow on you.”
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steventhusiast · 8 months
Text
STWG daily prompt 27/9/23
prompt: horse
pairing/character(s): steddie
-
Steve's never been to a LARP festival before. If he's honest with himself, when the kids had asked him to come with them (AKA asked him to be their ride and then abandoned him as soon as they arrived), he hadn't wanted to come. He's just weak for Will's particular brand of sad puppy dog eyes.
But now that he's here... He's having a good time.
That's not to say it's his kind of thing. He doesn't think he'd come again. Too much chance to bump into someone wanting to roleplay a medieval conversation that he won't be able to follow, and strange nerdiness. But he's found an area of horses, so he's managing to have a good time.
"Aren't you pretty?" He coos at the particular horse he's found. All of the horses in this area are unattended, but kept in a small pen. Steve assumes the handlers have gone off to eat food or use the restroom or whatever.
He holds his hand up near the horse's muzzle, and holds it there for a moment to see if it'll spook. When it doesn't, he gives its pretty brown coat a gentle pet.
"Very pretty." He mumbles to himself as he continues petting it.
"Why thank you." A voice sounds from directly behind him all of a sudden, and he flinches so hard that the horse spooks a bit.
He whirls round to come face to face with possibly the prettiest man he's ever seen. He's in one of the dumb cosplays everyone here seems to be in, but the ridiculous getup of multiple belts, an old fashioned tunic and obviously fake potion bottles hanging here and there, are working for him. His wavy dark hair has small plaits scattered through it with tiny flowers woven through them, and-
Steve realises he's staring as his eyes finally move to the man's face to find him smirking at him. He becomes re-aware of his closeness to the man, and promptly blushes before clearing his throat and looking away.
"Sorry. Didn't know if I was allowed to pet the horses or not." Steve offers awkwardly.
"You're good. Muffin loves the attention, don'tcha girl?" The man reassures, and that amused smirk melts into a happy grin as he steps around Steve and pats the horse's face a couple times.
"She's called Muffin?" Steve asks, baffled.
"I know. Not very fitting for the theme. The other horses get stage names, but Muffin here refuses to listen to any other name." The stranger explains, and then ceases his gentle patting of Muffin to look at Steve again, "Speaking of names.. What's yours, handsome?"
The flush is back on Steve's cheeks.
"Oh. I'm Steve. You?"
"Eddie."
It's quiet for a moment, and then Eddie glances down at his wrist and pulls back his costume to look at his watch. He nods to himself, pleased, and Steve wonders what he's happy about.
"It's my friend's turn to look after Muffin. What do you say I give you a tour of this joint? You look mighty out of place, Sir Steven."
Eddie bows and holds out a dramatic hand to Steve as he speaks, and Steve finds himself charmed. On anyone else, he'd find this so embarrassing. But Eddie is throwing all his usual standards out of the question.
"Sure." He says, and takes the offered hand.
Maybe he will find himself back at one of these festivals, after all.
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sugaryplum · 7 months
Text
haunted
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pairing: theodore nott x fem!reader summary: “i hold on to every ounce of sin / i know he don't love me quite like i love him / i swear to myself as he leaves at dawn / this will end, 'til he haunts me again” warnings: (strong) sexual innuendos, language mistakes, this is for the angst girlies (i personally don’t consider myself an angsty girlie but gosh, i’m so proud of this little fic, i might as well become one), i mean, angst is what i imagined but i don’t know how it came out. +i pretty much only read fluff so this is just something new! notes: inspired by the song “haunted” by laufey, hence the title. i’m actually obsessed with laufey and with this song especially!!! i couldn’t recommend her music more, please LISTEN TO LAUFEY. also, let’s settle something important. the plot of this is at the yule ball but the characters are not fourteen omg. let’s pretend it’s an annual event or something and everyone is aged up please please please
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the moon is already shining, as you're going through the empty hallways towards the great hall. it’s the fastest you can go without tripping over your long dress. merlin knows, you’re most likely going to trip over it anyway, if not now then later tonight.
you’d like to say you’re “fashionably late”. but the truth is, you spent way too long putting on red lipstick and then struggling to take it off when you decided it’s not for you. it’s not like anyone particular is waiting for you. there’s no date. in the past month you declined every single invitation that came your way, secretly longing for someone else to ask you. your eyes always focused on theodore. he’s your heavenly affair, your boy.
the problem is, he’s your boy only in the sheets, only at night. only when you’re beneath him, breathing out sweet nothings while he’s softly whispering your name.
and here you are, late, without a date, longing once again. the crowd smells like different perfume notes mixing. all belong to different pretty girls, all trying to catch the attention of different pretty boys.
you don’t want to be one of them. you don’t want to have to be one of them. yet even now, with the loud music and sparkly lights and dancing bodies, it takes you only seconds to spot him from across the room. looking as handsome as ever, dressed in some suit that is probably ridiculously expensive. but it serves him well, that's what he would say. he’s talking to a beautiful girl in a green dress. he doesn't notice you and somehow you still feel the butterflies in your stomach. or maybe it’s knots? maybe it’s not a good feeling at all.
you spend the next hour wandering from corner to corner, eating pink macarons and drinking sugary–sweet punch. you don’t flinch at the taste of alcohol, remembering the last time you visited theo he said something about enchanting drinks at the ball. it was vague. everything he says is vague but you still fall for it helplessly. over analysing every word, glance, brush of shoulders. romanticising every faintest hint of a smile, telling yourself he might love you just like you love him.
a ravenclaw boy, one of those you previously declined, asks you to dance and soon enough you get tangled into the crowd. it’s nice for a few moments. you don’t feel any confetti exploding inside you, your cheeks aren’t burning so pleasantly like when theodore touches you. but you feel nice, you feel safe. and when you get comfortable with someone else, that’s when he finally notices you.
“him?” you’re breathless when you turn around to see theo. his face is emotionless and he looks so gorgeous, you’re already swooned. “who?”
“the guy you were just dancing with, is he your date?”
“...he’s not.” you want to fight, say something mean, try to make him feel like he makes you feel all the damn time, but you can’t. when he’s standing in front of you, you crumble.
“do you wanna get out of here?”
the next thing you know, you’re being pressed against the wall of your dormitory, eyes closed. he tastes like wine, where did he get wine? his hair is so soft and oh, when he’s kneeling in front of you, leaving bruises on your thighs, you think you could marry him on the spot. he’s yours for the night and in the short moments between kisses you get to pretend that it’s forever.
he leaves in the dawn without saying goodbye. like a ghost, he always visits, but he’s never meant to stay. you move to the side of the bed where he was laying just minutes ago, pillow still warm, scent still lingering. you sigh and close your eyes, starting to count down the days ‘til he haunts you again.
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foursaints · 1 month
Note
just saw your jarty venn diagram, which I’m utterly obsessed with btw, and I’m curious what other James headcanons you have 👀 James in general and/or jeggy
he's been creeping up on me lately, i will admit...
my james is utterly marvelous & the slightest bit pathetic, in a way that only adds to his charm? james is a sorry, silly, impractical FOOL, but when he laments about whatever idiotic trouble he's gotten himself into, he's half-smiling and things that would make anyone else seem ridiculous only make him rakish & dashing
to me, my james evokes the feeling of when you see someone handsome in slightly too-small trousers with their ankles peeking out. the impression is just hopelessly endearing.
his arrogance is especially annoying because he is SOO pleasant & congenial about it. james makes sparkling small talk, cracking all these hilarious self-effacing jokes about his shortcomings, but you can tell that he KNOWS how charming he's being by acting humble (and how much he loves to be loved)
his idealism is what gives him that larger-than-life quality, as much as it makes him an idiot. james is fundamentally romantic. at his core: he is don quixote, rescuing imaginary maidens and tipping his hat at windmills.
i picture james as the person who can't resist a piano, hunched over one at a family party, on a bench that's the slightest bit too small. he's laughing (his laugh is so, so distinctive) at the way his knees stick out & knock against the wood. he has a gift for embarrassing himself but not making it look awkward at all.
his glasses are always hopelessly smudged. he had a stutter as a child. he's UNBELIEVABLY stubborn in the most sanctimonious, maternal way— he's sternly lecturing with hands on his hips. at a pureblood gala, he's smuggling a tray of appetizers into the garden. he always smiles like he's letting you in on an EXCELLENT inside joke
james is also animated by a deep sadness. a melancholy, even? that same old fashioned romantic quality he has puts him a little off-kilter with the rest of the world. he wouldn't be so charming if he didn't seem lost.
It's all that one quote: "Witty, self-deprecating, sometimes uproariously funny and sometimes unbearably sad"
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