Dear Labor Department,

It's nice to want.

Affectionately, A Dissatisfied Customer

something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i don’t own a scale.

“how do you know how much you weigh??” they cry.

“i don’t.” i simply respond.

“you look thinner, have you lost weight?” they ask at christmas.

“i dunno.” i say as i check on the turkey.

“you look bigger, have you gained weight?” they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.

“i’m not sure, but it’s fine if i have.” i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.

“don’t you want to know if you’ve lost or gained?” they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.

“i do.” i take a sip. “which is why i don’t need to know.”

“we don’t understand.” they say.

“i’ll drive myself mad if i know. it’s been a question i’ve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when i’d started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldn’t. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasn’t good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like i’d learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but i’d known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didn’t buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle i’d see the them and pause. and i’d think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didn’t know how much i weighed, i didn’t notice my body had changed. and i’d think about how i hadn’t been dizzy for months. and how i hadn’t fainted for longer. and then i’d keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.”

“but don’t you want to be skinny?” comes their quiet response.

“i want to be myself in whatever body i have.”

they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.

💙Idia Shroud 1/8 Scale Figure💙

Specifications: Pre-painted finished product. Including stand.

Size: Approx. 235mm (9.25in)

Supervision • Illustration: Toboso Yana

Sculptor: Futaro Takahashi (ToToY), Ron

Production Cooperation: 千値練

Coloring: Sakura (fukufuku)

Publisher: Aniplex

Release: June 2025

Pre-Order: May 2nd, 2024 - August 18th, 2024

Price: 29,800 yen ($207.24 usd)

...Huh. The last chapter of Scaled Over is already totally outlined? I could literally just sit down and finish this?

A gimmick which I think would be interesting in a visual novel: small variation in the visual designs of the sprites and backgrounds based on who's narrating a given scene. Not large variations, mostly—buildings are going to have generally the same architecture, people are going to have generally the same outfits, et cetera—but lots of details shifting around on the margins, showing the texture of the characters' thought-processes through the visual design of the world as they see it, rather than only through the text of their narration.

So, for example, one could have one viewpoint character be unusually faceblind, and portray this by having all the sprites have Same-Face Syndrome when viewed from their perspective, even as they hold onto more variation face-wise in everyone else's perspectives. One could have one viewpoint character who's unusually conscious of the fine details of their physical environment, and portray this by drawing the environment-art with much more fiddly detail when in their perspective, showing wood-grain and electrical wiring and other such things which are abstracted away in others' perspectives of the same areas. Et cetera.

you know, we talk a lot about characters and/or relationships (of all kinds) being 'doomed by the narrative' around here, and how haunting and gut-wrenching that can be, especially when it so often takes the form of death and destruction and tragedy.

and we should keep doing that, obviously. death and destruction and tragedy kick total ass.

however. can we please spare a thought for the clowns trapped in that same (burning) room?

after all, what is a comic relief character if not doomed by the narrative to always act like a buffoon despite any and all circumstances, all for the sake of relieving narrative tension?

how must it feel, to have everyone around you dropping dead, losing limbs, losing loved ones, and otherwise being on the receiving end of unending torment - and all you can do is stand there and prattle off another zinger at your allotted time?

and what if you lose a loved one yourself, o jester mine? what if - hear me out - you lose multiple loved ones? what if it never ends? what will you do then?

well, if you're lucky, you'll get to mourn for all five of the seconds you're allowed to before the size thirty shoes go back on and the narrative moves on to other, more plot-central characters.

if you're not - well. it's a good thing clown makeup is waterproof, isn't it?

anyway, shout out to all my comedy kings out there doomed to play perpetual funnyman to their more plot-central counterparts despite being in undeniably comparable pain. you may be doomed by the narrative, but you are beloved by me <3

FALL OFFERING 🍂 | I’m offering Sliding Scale readings for the Fall!

I’ve always strived to provide affordable readings for folks without selling myself short. It’s a difficult balance (hello Libra season) & after evaluating & reevaluating, I’m good with where I’m at & what I bring to the (card) table.

If you’ve never gotten a reading from me, I use intuitive techniques that incorporate astrology, numerology, color symbolism as well as traditional Tarot meanings to interpret the cards in a way that explains complex concepts simply.

This will be my eleventh year doing this work & I still feel like a big ole baby in these spiritual streets. A perpetual novice that knows nada; but that in itself is not giving myself enough credit.

Still really wish I hadn’t deleted my old account 😅

If you’re interested in getting a reading from me, hit my email L3xReads @ gee mail dot c*m

Did someone say Hermit ladies D&D AU? No? Too bad I did it anyways.

xi. justice

i love that a large part of oliver's character arc is coming to love ni no kuni over time until the journey is no longer only about saving his mother to him but about defeating shadar. and i will forever be pissed that level 5 got rid of most of it in wotww. btw.

accidentally wrote an essay about this so i'm putting it under a read more

they didn't get rid of all of it. he has his soulsnare moment. he. uh. i'll be completely honest with you i'm entirely blanking on ANY other moments. like obviously he willingly sacrifices himself to defeat shadar but that's like the culmination not the build up. um. what other. uh.

okay anyway in dotdd you can SEE him get more attached to ni no kuni. literally the first cutscene you see of him after gateway (the deleted ghibli scene. you can see it in the casino in wotww) is him staring at the world in awe. it's emphasised. there's a zoom in on his face. in wotww he has a moment like this but it's a lot less focused on oliver's reaction and more on showing You the beauty of it. (the ghibli scene is prettier anyway...)

in general dotdd does a much better job of showing oliver falling in love with the world and its inhabitants. listen i am the fairyground's #1 fan but in the arc it replaces there's a scene where swaine protects esther, and then immediately after they start fighting again, and oliver starts laughing because he's FOND OF THEM. they're FRIENDS. it does a much better job of showing the party's bonds with each other than the fairyground does. (in a perfect world we would have both the fairyground and del mokahl.)

it's even little thingsss. stuff like swaine directly saying he wants to go with oliver. the tombstone trail where oliver makes friends with a ghost and cries when she disappears. it's so much more obvious that he's getting more and more attached.

and then in xanadu when they discover that mornstar's stones are scattered and they have to find them there's a TURNING POINT. where oliver steps forward and stubbornly says well i don't care that it seems almost impossible. there's a CHANCE. we can do this. think of everyone who's out there suffering we have to TRY. otherwise what was the point of everything we've done up until now? (foreshadowing for his soulsnare moment!) and he doesn't mention alicia ONCE.

in wotww the only stone guardian where you clearly help someone in need is aapep, where you help ali and yasmina break their curse. in dotdd it's all three - oliver promises to look after grey/cerboreas for his past owner, and also, um, organises a union during crossbones. it's just a lot more obvious that oliver wants to help people. he had an ulterior motive for coming here but now he genuinely wants to help and it's OBVIOUS.

and then oliver gets really fucking angry at shadar in perdida. he gets more pissed off in general in dotdd (yet another trait i wish wotww oliver had...) but specifically at shadar he starts shouting about it to the sky. he gets PISSED. it's set off by them discovering a girl who had a piece of her heart stolen by shadar due to her grandmother, on purpose. oliver shouts to the sky that he is "going to SAVE that little girl!"

even the SOULSNARE isn't only about alicia! esther and swaine get trapped in there too and oliver tries to run directly into the poison marshes HIMSELF to get them back and is only stopped by drippy who rightfully points out that he will DIE.

when he finally frees the souls in the soulsnare he has the wotww moment of "everything we've done up until now was for nothing" and then is reminded of everything they've done, and his reason for fighting CHANGES ENTIRELY!!! and it changes in wotww as well - this is the most important part of oliver's arc, after all - but in dotdd. it's already changed. they don't even need the pea montage because you already know how much oliver loves this place.

and then he SACRIFICES HIS LIFE FOR IT!!!!!!! he came here to save his mother - remember, he SAID NO when drippy asked the first time, until he learned about alicia. but he's become so attached and in love with ni no kuni that he heads into a battle he knows he's not coming back from to keep it safe. it drives me NUTS. this world isn't his own and he's killing himself for it because he adores it so much. it's [SCREAMING]

and then in wotww they get rid of almost all of this and oliver is still a fantastic fucking character. they got rid of all of his anger and most of his tears and he's still phenomenal. isn't that crazy. like dotdd oliver is superior but wotww oliver is still really good is the thing

god. anyway. this is your sign to play dotdd. please. please. please. pl

Headcanon - Henry Stickmin got into the mess with the timelines in his game because of a time piece falling on his head. He's technically in a time rift going through the motions until Hat Kid fixes the rift, made all the worse by the fact he already had minor rewind powers that the time piece was able to amplify.

Hey everybody. I have covid again, second time in 60 days. I have been trying to ramp back up to working overtime to start putting money aside for $12k in home repairs that have been looming, but I'm not going to be able to! On top of it we just had a pipe leak that's gonna be like $650 to fix. I do not have sick time until January and if this is anything like last time, the next three (or more) weeks are going to be rough.

ALL THAT BEING SAID - I have dietary restrictions that mean a lot of convenience food is not available to me, or else really expensive. And I can't cook right now, both bc of my health and to keep my roommates safe. I would love to like, order some takeout or shelf-stable food to keep in my room while quarantining. Something a little nicer than what I can slap together with current energy levels. If you can help it'd mean a lot. https://paypal.me/SamwiseLastname

Oh, isn't it just delightful how Daenerys is painted as a whiny, self-important murderer simply for daring to fight against the heinous practice of slavery? But of course, in the very same breath, I’m hearing impassioned defences of upstanding citizens like Aegon the Usurper and Aemond the Kinslayer. Because nothing says “honourable” like usurping a throne and slaying your own kin, am I right?

Daenerys is entitled for wanting to go home, the Starks are not, despite wanting the exact same thing. Oh, and Daenerys must pay for the wickedness of her ancestors, but the Starks don't need to pay for theirs. She must die because the Targaryens are the most despicable family in Westeros.

After all, Aegon the Conqueror conquered Westeros, but the First Men, Andals, and Rhoynar did not. Obviously, the Starks never committed any genocidal acts – they simply asked nicely for the land they built their castles on, and those who sing the song of the earth retreated into the forest of their own free will. It definitely had nothing to do with being hunted to the brink of extinction.

And as for the Warg King and his family? I mean, maybe the Warg King and his sons and his greenseers and his beasts just conveniently dropped dead, and perhaps his daughters married the kings of winter because it was true love. These were surely happy marriages and not a case of killing the man and his sons and taking his daughters as prizes.

ig the thing about paladin au leland is he's gotta die, on a baseline. think there's a blood curse/pact made w some entity on his family. that has existed for decades and is partially the reason for the rose vale's continued growth and flourishing. and it's probably kind of like. the deal is that you pay in blood one way or another. and that's why the kingdom crushes everyone in their way. just a series of horrid things his family has done and it's like yeah i didn't do those things myself but i still belong to that bloodline. so he has to pay the price, for his father. people want him dead or they want to use him for political leverage. and even when he's trying to hide his identity, trying to be anything else but what his father is, he brings problems to his friends just because he's who he is. he keeps fighting against the current of it like, if i just be good enough i can make a difference. one of those things that's not fair but just is and part of his growth is recognizing that and taking responsibility and facing that head on. no one should be hurt because of me etc

job interview tomorrow 🙏

One really good plot point of Cherry Magic Th that made me nod in approval was Pai standing up for herself.

P'Duj and others wanted her to go in with a fake boyfriend, and in most other series yeah that would be the case, but here, even as Rock rises to go introduce himself as Pai's boyfriend, Pai explodes.

She's done listening to her ex break down her entire personality to her physical appearance and call her fat at least twice in that very conversation, who knows how many times she's had to hear that when they were together. Being fat or not fat is not the problem here, the problem is her ex causally using at as an insult.

I loved it when she stood up for herself, no man needed, because that's what media should be showing, women telling off men all by themselves, not them having to resort to fake boyfriends and consequently making it into a cliche romcom plot.

...will I still devour queer fake partners cliche romcom plot? Yes.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. <3