i saw the quote

"you can easily return to the past but no one is there”

and I’ve been thinking about it for the last 48 hours

and oh dont I yearn so deeply for the past, for my past, i long to go back to that place, my home, but it doesn’t exist, not now and maybe it never did, sometimes I wonder if I ever saw it for what it was cause when I try to look all I see is white flags but my scars tell me that they were once both the same colour, so I am left homeless in four walls and a roof, my bag by the door.

cant wait to leave california and actually have time and money to do my craftz and hobbies and take cute pictures outside and just wow everything will be so much better :))))))

Things I discovered when moving house for the first time (especially as an autistic person):

- Good change is still change, and change is difficult. Feeling any negativity towards living in a new home when it was too late to turn back was worrying. What if this was a mistake? What if I should have just lived with my parents for the rest of my life? I realised that it made sense to feel this way - all change is difficult to deal with, and it was okay to feel worried or unhappy. That didn't mean that it was a mistake or that I'd always feel this way.

- The same goes for the unfamiliar. I had almost an identity crisis in the first couple of weeks. I'd always loved to be home alone, the more quiet and peaceful the better. But the first few times I was home alone in our new house, I was anxious and unhappy. It wasn't the same as being alone at home in the house I'd spent my entire life... This home is different, with different layout, different inner sounds, and outer sounds. Having hyperacusis means that I'm probably even more sensitive to that, and I was anxious that it would always be a problem. People walking past, the sound of the trees, people walking past and treading on fallen leaves. What if I never adjusted to the sounds of my new house? What if I never felt safe and okay here alone? And how would that impact on me as someone who needs lots of alone time? But of course I felt unsettled. It would be much more strange if I hadn't! Especially as an autistic person. It's all different. It makes sense that it would make time to settle and feel comfortable. I love being here alone now, and feel more like myself.

- It takes time to adjust. It helped to acknowledge and accept that that it takes time, and also that I needed to have my things around me to feel more secure. We prioritised the most necessary things (even if they might not have seemed necessary to someone else) to make it feel more like home and more familiar, and that helped a lot. I'm adjusting and I am feeling really positive.

Tip jar

This was chaotic 🤣

This was March 2022

We was in the middle of moving out

Hence the mess

We found the hula hoops so we thought why not muck around 🤣

Unpacked Boxes

The brown box is a sentinel of sorts and a gravestone. Festooned with tape that no longer sticks, torn away and replaced too many times, that declares "FRAGILE" with ironic truth. It landed there five years ago, just for a while, and stayed there carrying the sentiments of a dead life as the new one went on without it. Scabbed over, it's disappointment and accusations are the reason that the door to the front room stays closed more often than not,

"Why am I still here?" It asks, "when do we move?"

And I face it time and time again, reaching over its aging head to find a book or dust a shelf. I'm not sure I could lift it anymore; the frustrated hopes it carries are crushing. I can count missed opportunities in its wrinkled form. Every furrowed corner seems to pose a question or contemplate a possibility.

When the sun slices through the window and carves out a bright pool on the floor, those crushed edges become a bemused face that wonders what it was all for. The education, the hope, the anger; I was supposed to fly, not fall. I was given every opportunity. Every chance. Did I make a wrong choice, a fatal one I mean - not the kind we all make?

Or is it genetic? The inability to bring a seed of potential to fruition? If the poison comes from the roots, or the seed itself, can I blame myself for not flowering? The soil in this climate is rocky, but others have managed to grow and spread. Their hardy green shoots strive for the sun, poke through cracks, or grow from boxes like this one.

It will sag and bear down before this is over. I know it as surely as I know the sun rises in the east, it will tatter and twist and gather dust because I cannot bear to put it away - my last thread of hope. My timer - if I cannot take it with me, my single unpacked box, then this will have been for nothing and I will have been beaten down by life before I can see the first signs of crow's feet. What kind of legacy is that? What kind of admission?

When the sun rises tomorrow, I will open it and regard each weary item, no longer sure why I packed them when I could have devoted the space to some other trinket, and I will pack them away again and replace the tattered tape and push it back into its corner and promise that I will deal with it.

I will write and worry about bills and ask myself when it will be over, and then remind myself that I cannot leave just yet. There is work to be done. Burdens that are mine and mine alone to bear.

And I will dream about a small, two-bedroom flat with a patch of grass and my own front door. Sparsely decorated with two old dogs curled on thick, well-loved beds in a living room with one wall painted gold so as to catch the sun as it passes. When the room is on fire with the light that has traveled boundless distances, I will sip hot tea with honey and worry about bills and dream about fitting a new bathtub with a deep center and a convenient lip to hold wine glasses. The bedroom will be abyss blue and the sheets will be forest green, and when I hang Christmas lights they will clash with every decoration I hang.

And there will be no unpacked boxes because I will be home.

If you enjoyed reading this, consider also reading it on Vocal Media (I will get a small payment for each read) 😊❤️

Not to be emo on main, but Honey and I are going to miss this house and this bed and this life so much 😭😭😭

Ssooooooo bittersweet coming home tonight

Eating lunch in my car before going to get my dad, headed home y’all 🥰

It’s my last night living independently before moving back in with my parents tomorrow so here’s a list of things I will miss about my current house:

my house is on a hill so whenever I walk home I get a great view of the mountains in the distance

the sun rises on my balcony side and I wake up to sunshine in the warmer months

having a balcony

the soccer field behind my house is popular with dog owners so I can see and hear dogs from my window every day

I live under a flight path, which would be annoying to most people, but I love watching the planes

functional dishwasher and clothes dryer (never had before, very helpful for my ND ass)

my bedroom is upstairs and has an ensuite bathroom so I only had to leave my room to eat

I can completely sit down in my shower

Most of these things are luxuries I’ve never experienced before and it was beautiful/so very helpful while it lasted.

However my rent was 2/3 of my weekly income and since moving in the rent increased 3 times. I have regularly had to choose between buying food or life saving medication, or food and rent/paying utilities. I am very fortunate that I still have the choice/opportunity to move back home; because I know not a lot of mid-20s queer Australians have that luxury.

Goodbye my friend 🫡

hi, I'm a twiter refugee even tho I've had this account for years

This moving thing is really beginning to look like reality 😁 this time next month I’ll hopefully be living in a proper apartment (aka a bedroom separate from my living room/kitchen! 😂)

(I’m not stressed about it at all 😀😅)

Today I am moving home with my family. This bedroom, this house, this village is all I’ve ever really known. I’ve lived here since I came from the hospital as a baby and now I’m 24 ¾ and I’m going to live somewhere else. I’m apprehensive of this move for many reasons. I’m autistic and dissociative so it won’t be easy for me in that sense, but also the new house is on the outskirts of a city and I’ve only ever known rural life.

This is more a post for me, but I thought you’d also like to know and if you have any advice on how a country mouse can adapt to the city, please let me know

- Nate (written by Saiph on Nate’s behalf)

Ok here it is. The landlords are putting our house on the market. We have nowhere to go. I hope we'll have time to finish raising the $ we need to move back home to Ireland. Please help if you can & share. I hate asking for help but we're out of options.

The expenses are for flights, shipping our stuff across the oceans, and a little bit of living costs until we get settled there. I feel awful asking for so much but we don’t have much money at all.

https://gofund.me/a980e922

why is it so expensive to move across the country guyz help what is the cheapest way to get the most shit across the country LMFAO

so yesterday I interviewed for a spot in the DNP AGACNP program at OHSU in Portland, Oregon, and today I was offered admission!

😍😭😍😭😍😍😍 I am going to be an NP with my doctorate! And I get to move HOME! I have lived away from home for 7.5 years, and by the time I move back it'll have been 8 years. So glad I am moving home to be with my family and pursue my dreams in nursing and obtaining a terminal degree - Doctorate in Nursing Practice, Adult-Gerontology Acute Care Nurse Practitioner.

Here is to the next insane 3.5 years!!!!

my toxic trait is that I gaslight myself into thinking that I will have plenty of space in my bags since I don't have a lot of stuff

well I'm currently packaging the things I will send home by post and let me tell you that I am so so wrong at estimating how much stuff I have

Move out from storage today to this lovely house in southwater, very happy clients. Congratulations on your new home 🏡 For removals and storage needs please contact us on the details below

www.wolves-removals.co.uk

Call or what’s app on 07789390421

Wolves Removals LTD Office: 01903 893731