#Maybe they like sleep for three days every four months you don't fucking know
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"but they're a demon, they don't need to sleep or anyth-"
SHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh............
quiet. and accept my sleepy Valdemar.
#Maybe they like sleep for three days every four months you don't fucking know#my art#digital art#my artstyle#art#fanart#drawing#my art style#artists on tumblr#do not download#do not repost#the arcana fanart#the arcana#the arcana courtiers#the arcana game#the arcana valdemar#quaestor valdemar#valdemar#valdemar fanart#I found THE brush to sketch with#they eepy oww#they just woke up#I love them I swear#I just wanna cuddle in bed for real#I'm sure they like never take these bandages off unless it's to change them#SMOOCH#valdemart#soft#fluff
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the op of that "you should restart your computer every few days" post blocked me so i'm going to perform the full hater move of writing my own post to explain why he's wrong
why should you listen to me: took operating system design and a "how to go from transistors to a pipelined CPU" class in college, i have several servers (one physical, four virtual) that i maintain, i use nixos which is the linux distribution for people who are even bigger fucking nerds about computers than the typical linux user. i also ran this past the other people i know that are similarly tech competent and they also agreed OP is wrong (haven't run this post by them but nothing i say here is controversial).
anyway the tl;dr here is:
you don't need to shut down or restart your computer unless something is wrong or you need to install updates
i think this misconception that restarting is necessary comes from the fact that restarting often fixes problems, and so people think that the problems are because of the not restarting. this is, generally, not true. in most cases there's some specific program (or part of the operating system) that's gotten into a bad state, and restarting that one program would fix it. but restarting is easier since you don't have to identify specifically what's gone wrong. the most common problem i can think of that wouldn't fall under this category is your graphics card drivers fucking up; that's not something you can easily reinitialize without restarting the entire OS.
this isn't saying that restarting is a bad step; if you don't want to bother trying to figure out the problem, it's not a bad first go. personally, if something goes wrong i like to try to solve it without a restart, but i also know way, way more about computers than most people.
as more evidence to point to this, i would point out that servers are typically not restarted unless there's a specific need. this is not because they run special operating systems or have special parts; people can and do run servers using commodity consumer hardware, and while linux is much more common in the server world, it doesn't have any special features to make it more capable of long operation. my server with the longest uptime is 9 months, and i'd have one with even more uptime than that if i hadn't fucked it up so bad two months ago i had to restore from a full disk backup. the laptop i'm typing this on has about a month of uptime (including time spent in sleep mode). i've had servers with uptimes measuring in years.
there's also a lot of people that think that the parts being at an elevated temperature just from running is harmful. this is also, in general, not true. i'd be worried about running it at 100% full blast CPU/GPU for months on end, but nobody reading this post is doing that.
the other reason i see a lot is energy use. the typical energy use of a computer not doing anything is like... 20-30 watts. this is about two or three lightbulbs worth. that's not nothing, but it's not a lot to be concerned over. in terms of monetary cost, that's maybe $10 on your power bill. if it's in sleep mode it's even less, and if it's in full-blown hibernation mode it's literally zero.
there are also people in the replies to that post giving reasons. all of them are false.
temporary files generally don't use enough disk space to be worth worrying about
programs that leak memory return it all to the OS when they're closed, so it's enough to just close the program itself. and the OS generally doesn't leak memory.
'clearing your RAM' is not a thing you need to do. neither is resetting your registry values.
your computer can absolutely use disk space from deleted files without a restart. i've taken a server that was almost completely full, deleted a bunch of unnecessary files, and it continued fine without a restart.
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i hate you, baby (troubled!steve harrington x fem!reader)
summary: steve makes you pay for destroying his truck in an interesting way.
uses she/her pronouns and female anatomy.
✶ the sinner
✶ the library
tags: stalking (ish?); degradation; spitting; smut; toxic relationship/situation; they're so ultraviolence.
rural midwest. summer, 2008.
The morning sun blares through a pair of thin curtains left in the bedroom. You figured he needed them more than you. A soft orange hue melts over the bare, bronzed limbs of a slumbering Steve. They didn't do much to keep the heat out. Maybe that's why you left them. A gentle karma.
Mumbling his morning disagreement, Steve stirs under the sheets until they rumple into a ball near his feet. He stretches his arms, lips cracking into a noisy yawn, and finds his hand reaching for you. The side of your bed left cold and empty for three months now.
He had it coming. You stayed too long.
Steve’s eyes snap open when his fingers fall to a wrinkle in the sheets instead of your soft flesh. He jolts upright, the heel of his palm rubbing sleep away from his gaze. He had to get it together. He couldn’t stop waking up this way.
He had a cigarette for breakfast, smoked over a pile of unopened mail in the sink. Clutter covered every inch of the house. He hadn’t realized how frequently you cleaned. He hadn’t realized how much of the home was a credit to you. He never thought of how quiet it would be without you.
It hit him like a ton of bricks the moment you finally left. After years of threatening, ages of trudging back after a few sporadic days apart—you left. For good this time.
Steve cracks open a Budweiser and slings a mostly-clean shirt over his head, halfway through the can and reaching for his second by the time he flings the back door open and staggers toward his truck. Booted feet scuffing up gravel, he was far too concerned with locating the lighter in one of his jean pockets to inspect the details of his four wheeler.
Until he lifts his head to open the door.
"What the fuck?"
The left side mirror is hanging by a wire, tires drooped like deflated balloons. When he stomps to the other side, there’s a gnarly gash from the edge of a key slashed through the passenger door.
Steve's hands tremble into fists, and he chucks his unlit cigarette toward the grass with a tight jaw.
He knew just who was responsible for this—and you were fucking dead.
✶ ✶
"My fuckin' truck, are you fuckin' insane?"
A coffee pot clatters against the counter, the tassels of an apron swinging with the sharp spin of a body hurrying away from the door as Steve strides through it. The door smacks against the window from his violent push, and all heads turn to watch him make his way between the rows of metal tables.
"I thought maybe it'd get you to finally leave me alone," you grumble, taking a customer's empty plate and placing it on the dirty tray. "Clearly not."
Steve slides between customers, elbows pressing onto the counter. "Get a fuckin' restraining order if it's so bad, sweetheart."
"Already on it."
Steve scoffs, head shaking as he watches you feign nonchalance over a plate of sunny-side up and ham. You place it front of a middle-aged man, who leans back when Steve crowds over his chair to point an inked finger at you.
"You really know how to piss me off—"
"Jesus, Steve, would you get out of here—"
"Hey!"
Your head whips toward your manager, who came stomping behind the counter with her arms crossed. "Take it outside."
Tossing a glare Steve's way, you fiddle with the knotted bow of your apron strings at the small of your back and bundle up the fabric. It's thrown on the back counter on your march toward the front door. You don't bother to make sure Steve's following, hurrying under the dinging bell and into the stifling air.
The bell dings a few moments later with his hurried exit, and then his boots are clomping on the sidewalk.
"You're gonna pay for this," he spits at the back of your head, tracing your path toward the alleyway.
You roll your eyes, whipping wisps of hair out of your eyes when the wind picks up. The redbrick diner wall clings to the cotton of your t-shirt when you press up against it, foot kicked up to brace the sole of your sneaker. Steve's arms are folded when he appears in front of you, but you do your best to look anywhere but at him.
"You need to stop coming to my work, Steve. You need to stop calling me, and texting me, and showing up whenever you want—"
"I wouldn't be here right now if you weren't such a crazy bitch."
You scoff, flicking a strand of hair away again. The shade of the alleyway is a gentle break from the beating sun, but the heat still lingers. You hate being hot and sweaty, and you hate being around Steve.
Once you left, it took no time at all to realize how wonderful life was without him. How freeing it felt to make decisions for yourself. How at ease you were without the threat of another fight, or another crime, or more parole officers showing up.
But when he wouldn't stop knocking on your mother's screen door, or showing up at the grocery store, or tailing you on your way to work—you also realized how difficult it'd be to free yourself of him entirely. He didn't seem willing to let you leave quietly.
So lately, you despised the very sight of his stupid, handsome face.
"Yeah right," you snicker, mimicking his stance. "You can't seem to leave me alone, Steve. Don't you have other things to do? Like, I don't know, robbing some other piece of shit? Ruining someone else's life?"
Steve's jaw tightens, inked fingers cracking into fists. He lunges forward, pressing his palm against your throat. The pressure is familiar, but the sudden shift still pulls a gasp. You perk to the tops of your toes, pushed by his hold.
"You're still such a fuckin' cunt."
"Fuck you."
It's Steve's turn to gasp when a glob of spit smacks his cheek. It sizzles on his skin, dripping down his jaw and chin. He pauses, fingers still on either side of your neck. You swallow against his palm, hands clammy at your sides. There was no warmth quite like the kind that filled your body when you were frightened of Steve.
He fixes his head back into place, and you see it coming before it lands: his lips puckering, cheeks hollowing, his tongue touching the edge of his teeth before the sharp smack! The spit hits you just where it hit Steve, beading in a hot puddle across your cheek.
Your eyes pinch shut, breath hitched in your throat.
“Don’t like it, huh?” he grits out.
But when your eyes open again, they’re deliriously unfocused. Glossed with a cloudy daze, and steadied on his rosy lips. Steve’s thumb twitches under your jaw, chest heaving under a thin tank top. His arms were swollen with tensed muscles. You could see tufts of dark, coarse hair peeking over the collar of his shirt. He had his cross on, like he always did. Something about the way it shined in a streak of sun made you forget all about your spite and hateful ways.
Steve steps forward, taking you in over the slope of his nose. His chest touches yours, his sticky arms brush your skin.
“I hate you,” you whisper, but it’s so soft and breathy that it sounds like a love confession.
Steve swallows, head shaking. “I know.”
You tip your chin up and drop your shoulders, and it’s all Steve needs to smash your mouths together. A short squeak pips from your throat, and his teeth scrape your bottom lip hungrily. The fingers around your neck curl a little tighter, a little needier; you bring your hands to fist at the cotton thinned with sweat and suctioned to his sides.
His pelvis tips up, the sharp buckle of his belt and the hard outline of his cock pressed against your thigh. It sends a shockwave sparking down your spine—burrowing deep in your gut, lapping with desire. You claw at the hair near the nape of his neck, and his head tips with the desperate pull.
Steve detaches from your mouth with a grunt, pushing your head back by your neck. "Where's your car?"
You inhale shudderingly, resting your head back against the wall. "Back lot."
You stumble there together: his fingers plucking at the button of your jean shorts as you go along, your own freeing the buckle of his belt. He fishes your keys out of your back pocket and pulls the back door open, shoving you into the stifling heat caged inside.
Splattered flat against the seat, you whine into his mouth attacking yours through all his rough push-and-pull. He wiggles the jean shorts down your thighs, pulls the dampness of your panties aside to rub his thumb into the heat.
You scratch at the fabric of his tank top and push it to his chest, scraping through the slickness painting his torso. Popping the button of his jeans, guiding them over his hips and sinking your nails into the flesh of his ass. He grunts into your mouth again, hand balled at the top of your scalp to yank you away.
The look you give each other is frenzied and crazed. Your cheek is still wet with his spit, lips swollen with his attacks. Sweat gathers and collects along your throat, and he wants to lean down and lick it up.
"Fucking kiss me," you demand tightly, nails digging deeper into his skin.
Fingers still knotted in your hair, he gives your head a shake that stings—but his lips reattach themselves, anyway. Tongue swiping and swirling, teeth nipping and scraping, free hand cradling your hip to hold you down.
"God, you crazy fuckin' bitch...mm...fuckin' hate you."
You curl into him when his hot breath finds your neck, settling a suction on your pulse point that rattles your thighs. You let up on the claws, sliding your hands under the heat of his shirt.
"Oh," you moan, writhing on the vinyl of the seat. "I fuckin' hate you...ah....piece of shit."
He groans into your neck: guttural and animalistic, hips rocking involuntarily between your thighs. He fumbles to free his cock, swiping a sticky palm over the pulsing length of it before he feeds it through your legs. One deep push is all it takes, and the pair of you mewl together when it burrows fully.
His forehead clings to yours, nose brushing your cheek where he watches you falter and struggle to speak. You want to spew more insults, bite his head off a little more while you can. But you're rendered uselessly idiotic when he starts to grind his hips.
"Look at you," he breathes, and the air fanning your face smells like cigarettes. You feel nineteen and full of love again. "Hate me so much, but you're...fuck...lettin' me fuck you like old times."
"St-still hate...oh! Fuck, Steve—"
"Huh?" Steve rocks harder, skin slapping with force and perspiration gathering. The car creaks noisily under the weight of it. "What's that? You what? Tell me, sweetheart."
The lilt of mockery to his voice brings a new wave of pleasure to your veins, and your head slides back against the seat with a shrieking whine. You aren't quite sure that you do hate him anymore. Not when he's fucking you this hard, this good, this deep. Not when he's spitting words of anger full of so much love down at your beating face.
Steve snatches your jaw, pulling your head back into place. You can't quite see through the blurred haze, but you're sure his eyes are sharp with rage.
"Say it. Tell me you hate me."
His voice is steady but his leg are quaking where they're standing in the doorway, and his fingers are all but steady pressed into your cheeks. A vein along the side of his throat swells with exertion. He's just as effected by this. He's been driven just as mad.
Steve growls, picking up speed. "Say it!"
A strangled cry cracks through your throat, hands bracing his humming biceps. "I h-hate you, Steve. God, I hate you."
It sounds just like I love you, and maybe that's why Steve collapses into your chest and shudders. Maybe that's why you cling to him, wrap your legs around his hips and clutch onto all of him. Let him drain himself dry into you, pump all he has between your legs right there in the diner parking lot.
Maybe that's why neither of you say anything as you fumble for scraps of missing clothes. Silent even when Steve sits on the edge of the backseat, hanging halfway through the open doorway, and lights a cigarette. Wordless as he takes a long drag and glances at you sideways, still pink and swollen and catching his breath.
You pluck your keys from the car floor and slip them in your pocket. Use the rearview to fix the makeup smeared under your eyes and the frazzled knots at the back of your hair. Try to ignore the way Steve's eyes graze the sliver of flesh at your lower back when you lean forward.
Steve flicks his cigarette butt toward the asphalt. "Were you lying? About the restraining order?"
You settle back into the seat, sighing. "No."
He nods, thumb rubbing the cross on his knuckle. "Got it."
He pushes to his feet, and you pop the other door open to step out. The free air soothes the burning ache in your limbs.
Steve pulls another cigarette from his pocket and sticks it in his lip, crossing the hood of the car toward the street. He barely looks your way when he walks by.
"I'll bill you for the truck."
#rolly!#steve harrington#steve harrington smut#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fic#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x y/n smut#steve harrington x female reader smut#steve harrington x y/n fluff#steve harrington angst#dark!steve harrington#steve harrington au
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making merry, oh my little fairy (2)
sam winchester x fairy!reader
wc: 5.3k
warnings: soulmate!au (partners share scars), fem!reader, implied age gap (reader is early 20's), hella pining, tooth-rotting fluff, destiel is canon, town being mean to reader, some shaky police jargon, references to thick reader (everyone cheered) but can be ignored, dean being dean, canon-typical warnings (child kidnapping, violence ect.)
an: part 2 of my little fairy series! it's been sitting in my drafts for weeks and part 1 was pretty unpopular so i've been hesitant to post it but then i realized i write for myself and not for recognition! so enjoyyyyy. remember to comment and repost to support your favourite writers :)
summary: you flew around Sam's mind with your pretty little wings all night and all day, it doesn't help that you're popping up around every corner of this case. he's trying not to think about it.
part one part three part four
They'd sat in the car parked out front maybe longer than they should have. Sam noticed you peak through the curtain at the twenty minute mark, he only noticed because he could feel your curious gaze.
It disturbed him enough to allow Dean to fly down the neighbourhood road noisily at too many miles an hour.
Naturally, sleep became a stranger.
Dean was long passed out on the questionably lumpy motel bed and Sam was still at the desk. The white light off his laptop made his eyes itch.
A dryad is a tree nymph, commonly inhabiting oak trees, and generally born into the form of beautiful women. Many dryads were considered to be originally human or children of the nature Gods and it is widely believed that they take on the physical characteristics of the trees they protect.
Your eyes returned to him again, if not for the hundredth time that day. The way the greenery reflected off of them at him. The strength of your legs, how they were wide and grounding like the tree that engulfed your house. Your movements, your walk, how you floated like how the leaves shivered in the forest beyond your garden walls.
Sam had given considerable thought to his soulmate, as most people did.
He was turning thirty-one in a few months time and it had occurred to him that maybe you were on the other side of the world. Maybe you were dead. But people had warned him that he'd know if that were true. He'd feel it, like a gaping wound in his soul.
Castiel had appeared to Dean in a flash of light. In a heroic swoop of love, and Sam thought maybe that could happen to him too.
His thumb was warm where it ran over the scar down his arm.
He wondered if you thought the same.
If you dreamed of his arrival the way he'd dreamed of yours.
It was a silly thing, to dream of meeting your true love. Far too trivial in the life of someone like Sam Winchester when the fate of the world, of good versus evil and heaven versus hell was always in the palm of his hand.
But your figure was burned into his corneas like a blinding torch.
It scared him. Not an easy feat for the man who'd seen it all.
Sam had asked Dean a few years back.
Can someone live without their soulmate?
Dean had shrugged. "Sure, plenty of people do."
Sam had sunk back another sip of his beer at the time, they were somewhere in Florida.
"What if they'd already met them? Can they decide that they don't want to be with them?"
Dean chuckled at that. "I doubt that works out very often."
It was already long after Dean had met Castiel. Long after he'd survived his "my soulmate is an angel and a man what the fuck--" stage.
"What makes you say that? I'm sure some people have a strong enough willpower."
Dean had answered him by referencing some movie, one that Sam knew he loved and it took a bit of pestering for Dean to admit he knew the quote by heart.
He'd blushed nearly red and shrugged, accompanying it by another long slug of his beer.
"It's like at the end of the movie--" When Harry Met Sally, specifically, "When they're at that New Years party and Billy Crystal goes up to Meg Ryan and gives that whole speech, and he says that line."
Sam was grinning by then. "What line?"
Like he hadn't seen the movie enough times to know.
"You know, he when says ... when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
Sam had long made peace with the fact that even if you did ever come around, that it would be better to leave you be. To leave you in the safety of a life different to his own.
At least he had.
In the slim hours since leaving your doorstep he'd found himself choking over the thought of never seeing you again. Of his eyes never laying again on your face that gazed so happily up into his own, like you felt his warmth in a cold winter.
He was plagued, possessed, by the thought of never knowing more.
Never knowing the way you liked your tea, how you looked first thing in the morning, or worse, how your lips would feel slow and warm against his own.
He wanted to know your favourite song, and your worst fear. He wanted to know where you came from, how you found Fernglade, Washington. What's your favourite book, do you like to read? Would you like it if he read to you instead? Maybe you would, you'd be tucked against his side in bed and he'd tell you about his favourites. His favourite movies and the way he drinks his coffee and the shampoo he used. Maybe you'd play with his hair, braiding little flowers into the ends--
Sam groaned. His face fell into his hands.
This wasn't supposed to be happening. Not now.
But he supposed there would never be an adequate time for your arrival.
And god, you weren't even human.
Cross species soulmates weren't impossible - improbable, sure (about as much as being hit by lightening) - but not impossible.
It was only Sam's luck, the Winchester's luck, that they'd both been struck.
Castiel was an angel, but the concept seemed to fade off Dean quickly at the time.
Dean himself had been little help on the matter during the blurry drive back to the motel. "Hey. I mean, all things considered, fairy sex must be crazy."
Sam closed the tab on Dryads: A Modern Day Delve into Greek Mythology. Another page blinked up at him.
When the sun was still setting and Dean was still seated across from him, he had managed to do some work.
It distracted him, barely, but he managed to somewhat narrow the list of potential suspects.
The filters helped. Creatures that steal children. Creatures that live in the woods.
In all the webpages and in some text from John's journal he'd found a common thread. A thinly veiled one, but a lead regardless.
Goblins are generally found living in communities in burrows of forests across Western America. They are known to be mischievous and malignant spirits which often feed on small animals or easy prey and hunt during the warmer months before hibernating in Winter.
Children are easy prey, Sam thought.
Some subspecies were believed to be able to shift into the form of naughty children and sneak into nearby villages to prey on young humans.
It was the last thing his eyes ran over before he slipped the laptop shut. He crawled to the bed, wishing more than anything that his mind would cut him a break, before sliding under the sheets: seeking respite from the crisp autumn Washington
-
"Rise and shine, Sammy."
The hangers reeled noisily against the rod where Dean had ripped open the curtains and the stark light brought Sam to gasping consciousness.
Sam pulled the pillow up over his face, grumbling into it.
He made out the sound of Dean setting a coffee mug on the side table.
"What time did you get to sleep?"
Answered by another indiscernible whine, Dean sunk into the chair at the tiny table in the room. "Fine, fine ... but did you find anything helpful? Besides fairy porn probably."
It earned him a well-aimed smack in the face with a pillow.
Dean laughed jovially, "Okay, okay."
Sam rose up into a sitting position with a moan. He ran a hand over his face, the other grappling for the already cooling coffee mug on the table.
"Goblins." He muttered around the rim.
Dean paused his own sip, face falling into incredulity.
"Did you just say "goblins"?"
Sam nodded. He didn't elaborate.
"Listen, I know it's a conversation you probably don't wanna have ... but are you sure we're ruling out your little garden fairy from this equation? I mean, it really doesn't look good for her--"
"You're right. I don't want to have this conversation."
Dean shrugged. He fiddled with the coffee mug against his hand.
"It's not her." Sam added quietly.
Nodding slowly, Dean watched his brother with tentative eyes. "Have you thought about that? What you're gonna do?"
Sam rose from the bed, stripping off his shirt. "I don't know man. I don't even think she knows."
It had been a thought that occurred to him at some point in the previous night, that you didn't know. That it was probably selfish to keep it to himself.
"Right, well anyway," Dean reached into the tupperware you'd gifted them the previous afternoon. He'd already cleared out his own and was starting on a pastry from Sam's box. "I was thinking we should go speak to the third vic's mom. Kelly Williams. We haven't spoken to them yet and maybe they can tell us more."
Sam nodded. "Sure. You got an address?"
"No, but she's working a stall at..." Dean picked up a leaflet from the table that Sam assumed he'd found on his coffee run before he was up, "The Fernglade Sunday Market. We can find her there."
"Fine."
He disappeared into the bathroom, Dean heard the shower turn on.
"And you can tell me about this goblins story on the way there!" He called after him.
The door slammed shut.
-
"So you think goblins are coming into town and stealing kids out their back yards?"
The morning was warm and the market made it more so. It was out on a farm a couple roads down from the boys' motel.
There were little set-up stalls as far as he could see over lush green grass, selling cakes and jewellery and home-made soaps. Couples strolled hand-in-hand and children chased their parent's ankles.
Sam shrugged. "I mean yeah, it makes sense. Dad mentioned about the trees, Y/n mentioned about the forest too."
Dean nodded, his eyes rolling over the scenery. "Sure, but goblins? I've never heard of that anywhere, I mean, how do you even kill it?"
"Them." Sam corrected. "They live in groups."
Dean sighed. "Well that's gonna be fun."
Somewhere down the row, a man was singing behind a set up microphone with a guitar in his lap. A small crowd had formed to watch him.
Sam's stomach had begun churning with that feeling that made his organs feel like jelly again. He shrugged against the collar of his shirt.
"Right, well, there's Kelly Williams' stall." Dean glanced again down at the pamphlet, "Rings and Things ... how creative--"
But Sam's eyes had found on another stall. One further down from Kelly Williams', a little set-up of vases and stain glass sculptures. Rather ... they found the woman standing in front of it.
Of course it was you.
Standing against the breeze in another, unsurprisingly, light green dress. It was ruffled and shimmering and glittery and short. It made Sam's airways tighten to a shut.
You seemed intent on avoiding wearing anything that draped any further than just over the curve of your ass, and Sam prayed to anyone listening that it would stay that way.
"Sammy?"
Dean's face shrunk in confusion, he followed his brother's line of sight. He began to laugh, clearly finding you, and jostled Sam with a hand on his shoulder. "Well, isn't this just your luck."
Sam was sucking in deep breaths again. Dean shoved him in the side.
"Go talk to her, I'll speak to Mrs Williams."
Jumping back into semi-consciousness, Sam shook his head, "No, no, it's fine. We'll go--"
"Stop being a baby, Sam." Dean shrugged him off. "You're gonna have to talk to her eventually. And I hope you do a better job than you did yesterday, because that was a train-wreck."
"Thanks."
But Dean's figure was already retreating.
"Asshole." Sam muttered under his breath.
Eyes found you again, they strained against the sunlight. He could make out your face from where he stood: it was twisting, falling into a creased brow that Sam didn't like the look of.
His legs began moving before he had chance to instruct them and it only took a couple paces of his long structure to find your side, heart thumping violently in his ears.
Your eyes lifted from the table, there was an elderly lady sitting in the shade of the cover and looking unimpressed.
"Sam." You smiled up at him and he swore in that second he could listen to you saying his name forever on repeat and never grow bored. "What a pleasant surprise."
"Hey." He sighed, it was louder than he anticipated and he could feel his cheeks growing warmer. "W-What are you doing here?"
You stuttered, "Well, I was just looking at this cute little crocodile--"
His eyes found where your hand was motioning over the woman's table. He was unsurprised to find it littered with stained-glass sculptures of animals. Lions and fish and elephants among others.
But the woman interrupted before you could find the end of your sentence.
"I don't sell to kidnappers."
Her elderly face was curled up in disgust. Sam was taken aback by her directness.
He was more taken aback by your polite smile at her.
"That's fine. I'll be on my way." You nodded kindly, looking back up to Sam. "Wanna take a walk?"
Sam's bones had begun aching with fury in the small seconds since he'd arrived. His brow-bone was heavy set against his eyes.
He glanced over at the crocodile you'd referenced. It was about the size of a shoebox, glassy in bottle green tones and grinning a mouthful of sharp teeth up at him. He could already see it sitting happily on a spot between your books and photo frames, maybe up on the mantle above your fireplace.
Brushing softly against your elbow with his hand, a movement that sent a stone cold shiver up his whole body, he shook his head. "Just one sec--"
He turned to the woman, sticking his finger in the direction of the lifeless creature.
"I'd like to buy that crocodile please."
"Oh, Sam, you don't have to--"
But the woman was unmoved, "No. I'm not selling anything to anyone associated with her."
She stuck a shaking finger in your direction and Sam suddenly wanted to rip the stall to pieces.
"We should just go..." Your voice was small and he fought hard against pulling your frame into his side.
Instead, he reached into his jacket pocket for his FBI identification: flipping it out into the daylight for the woman to see. Her eyes widened behind thinly framed spectacles.
"I said I'd like to buy that crocodile." His voice was stern, heavy laden with his trembling aggravation. "How much is it?"
The woman's face flickered between emotions, before settling on vexation. "Forty dollars." She mumbled.
"I'm sorry?"
"Forty dollars." She replied more clearly, face turning red in embarrassment.
Sam slipped away his badge and dug for his wallet in his pocket, he flipped between the notes and handed her two twenty dollar bills. The woman was quiet while she wrapped the creature, avoiding your and Sam's eyes in the process.
She handed it over with a scathing, "Get away from my stall."
"With pleasure." He turned to you, your face was a cherry red shade. "I'll take you up on that walk."
You stepped away, offering a small sheepish "thanks" to the woman scowling at your and Sam's retreating figures.
"Here." He handed you the crocodile gently, and you took it with tentative hands. "Get a lot of that?"
But you shrugged off his question, grabbing for your purse. "You really didn't need to do this, Sam. Let me just pay you--"
Sam stopped, taking your forearm into his hand - the tingle it sent up his body again didn't go amiss - and he huffed. "Please, please. Don't. It's a gift."
The sun was shining off your dress and it made your face seem lighter. "Sam, really, I can't ask you to--"
"Please?"
You paused, lashes blinking carefully up at him and god he could really kiss you right there--
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
Smiling again, easing the tightness in Sam's chest, you nodded. "Fine."
You held the crocodile up to your face, "What are we gonna name him?"
"We?" Sam laughed and you laughed back at him.
"Sure, he's ours now." You tucked it under your arm again.
Ours. He was fragmentally taken away with the thought of something belonging to them, to us. A house, a couch, a dog (or a fox if that's what you wanted)--
"Anyways, where's the other one?"
Sam was brought back to the conversation.
"Oh, uh, Dean?" his eyes grazed over the stalls, pointing over to where Dean was talking with the tall Kelly Williams behind a tray of seashell necklaces. "Talking to one of the victims."
"Right, I almost forgot." You fiddled with your bag over your shoulder. "He decided whether he's killing me yet?"
His mouth tilted teasingly. "What makes you think that I've decided I'm not here to kill you?"
You shrugged, teeth flashing in a gut-wrenchingly beautiful smile. "Well, you bought me this, and ... you don't seem the type."
"The type?"
"Nah, you're too sweet on me already."
Sam's stomach did a somersault in his chest. "I--"
"Besides, you couldn't do it here. Too much blood, too many witnesses ..."
Sam's hair flicked over his shoulder where he tossed his head back to laugh. "Right. You've thought about the logistics already."
"Sure have." You nodded. "Any headway on the kids?"
"Some." He shrugged. "There's this fairy--"
"Dryad."
"--living in this petting zoo in this cottage on the outskirts of town..."
"Fine." You conceded. "I won't ask."
"No, but we have--"
"Ah, look at you two. Getting along like a house on fire."
Sam hadn't noticed his brother's approaching footsteps. Dean clapped a jolly hand over his brother's arm.
You smiled in greeting. "Good morning Dean."
He nodded. "'Morning Tinkerbell."
"Dean."
Chuckling you nodded. "Good one. Haven't heard that before."
The sun was hot on Sam's shoulders, Dean was making it hotter with his conspicuous side eye.
"What's that you got there?" He motioned over the figure under your arm.
You lifted it up proudly, "It's my crocodile. Sam got it for me. The lady wouldn't sell it to me."
"Oh, Sam got it for you, huh?" Dean smirked, relishing in the admission.
"Yep."
The glitter in your eye was making Sam's knees buckle.
"W-We should get going ..." He shifted from his one leg to the other. "Work to do ... and stuff."
"Right," you agreed, fixing the strap over your shoulder again. "I should also head home, not very welcome 'round here anyways."
Confusion glazed briefly over Dean's face but he said nothing on it.
"Yeah, stuff to do." He nodded.
You began your walk past them, finding Sam's gaze. "Thanks again, Sam. I'll see you boys around."
His eyes followed you where your crystals were clinking around your neck. "Yeah. No problem."
Barely out of your earshot, Dean turned to Sam. "A crocodile, huh?"
"Shut up."
-
It wasn't another two days before Sam saw you again.
The boys dove head first back into research, Mrs Kelly Washington hadn't much more to add beyond the fact that she heard another child's voice in the moments before her daughter's disappearance.
"I mean, there was some mention in the lore about goblins being able to turn into kids. Naughty ones at that."
Dean sighed over his bar-top lunch. He took another swig of beer.
"Okay, so what, these ... goblins are coming into town as children and grabbing the kids from their yards? Maybe they'd met somewhere before then, at school or the park?"
Sam shifted the salad around his plate, bored. "Yeah, maybe."
There was a depressingly thin amount of information in John's journal on goblins and the website lore was too broad to even begin sifting through it before another child was taken.
"Well we know that eight kids are taken each time, right?"
Nodding, Sam took an unenthusiastic bite of tomato.
"That means there's still two kids to be taken. I mean, there's only been six victims and autumn is two weeks away from ending, if the story is true that they hunt before winter."
The boy's didn't have to wait long. They were less than an hour clear of the dilapidated bar they'd stopped in for lunch when the call came over the police monitor in the car.
"Units, this is dispatch. We have a suspected 134 at 98 Calvary, requesting assistance."
Code 134. Kidnapping.
Dean found Sam's eye across the front seat before taking a screeching turn into the next street.
Cavalry road was just a few streets down and the scene was as they'd expected. Burning red and blue cop cars littered the street and Dean pulled the Impala into a space between them.
There was a scuffle of officers, in the corner of the driveway a man holding a sobbing woman to his chest. The parents.
Dean and Sam flashed their badges at the nearest deputy.
"What's the situation?"
The officer huffed, tightening his grip on either side of his belt. "We think the kid was taken, Frankie Moore. Disappeared about two hours ago, the parents only called in the last twenty minutes. They thought he'd just run off."
Dean nodded and Sam watched over the scene around him.
"Any witnesses?"
The cop shook his head, Taylor, his badge read. "None. Right out the backyard, just like the others."
"Did the parents see anything, hear anything?" Sam pressed.
"Not from what we can gather from them right now, they're pretty out of shape." Taylor motioned back to where the Mrs Moore was desperately pushing out sentencing between racking sobs. "But we've got a suspect, they're out fetching them right now."
Dean glanced over the officer, "A suspect?"
Sam's hands were starting to itch. He twisted them against his the cuffs of his sleeve.
"Yeah, neighbour saw them out in the forest about an hour ago. Called it into dispatch. They never took it seriously until this call came in."
Somewhere behind them a short siren yelped from one of the cars.
"Did they have the kid or what?" Dean's face was laden with confusion, the story twisting around his brain.
"No, but they've been taken in on suspicion. Talk of the town and such." Taylor responded and Sam's heart sunk to his knees.
There was a click over the officer's radio. "Suspect is in custody."
He pulled it closer to his mouth, "Copy that."
Sam tugged up on the end of his sleeve, revealing his wrists in the afternoon light. They were turning a pinkish red. Handcuffs.
"Dean."
Dean's back stiffened at his brother's tone, eyes finding his wrists. He sighed. "You've got to be kidding me."
Sam's brain was turning muddy. "The suspect, is she a woman?"
Taylor nodded. "As far as I know, yes."
-
There was nothing else said.
Sam fled the scene as if the perpetrator himself. He flew into the passenger's seat with the force of an attacking bear.
Dean chased after him, slotting the key into the ignition: setting the car alight.
"Sam, I know what you're thinking--"
Houses flew past the car, streets and pedestrians, but Sam had no space to consider them.
"You don't know what I'm thinking."
But Dean was persistent, knuckles white around the wheel. "She's your ... your soulmate, I get that, but our leads are thin. Have you considered that she could really be doing this?"
The station came into view at the end of the road. Lights from the cars were flashing in Sam's eyes. His head spun.
"She's not a monster, Dean."
"But she is, Sam! She is! She's not a human."
Dean pushed down on the brake in front of the sheriff's station and Sam was out the car before it had fully pulled to a stop.
He threw the doors open. Officers were flocking around like seagulls over an abandoned hot dog.
Sam grabbed the arm of the nearest one, firm in his grip.
"The suspect, where is she?"
"Uh, they've just moved her to--"
The doors swung open again behind him and the rumbling of the station was overpowered by a loud low whine. It was followed by an equally distressed yelp.
Sam turned to find a row of officers, leading one after the other like ducks, each with a rattling metal cage of a different animal. Your animals.
Goose was yipping wildly in the confines of the box. A woman holding Lydia followed him. They come in procession: the rabbits, the ferrets, the ducks, the budgies.
"What the fuck!" An officer close to the door jumped out the way where Lydia hissed angrily at him from between the bars.
"No, please!"
Sam spun on his heel. His hands felt heavy with helplessness. It was your voice, echoing across the station and reverberating in his brain.
"Please, just leave them! They're not gonna hurt anyone. I haven't done anything--"
His feet chased after the sound. Sam found a long corridor near the back of the room, there were two officers tugging on either of your arms. Your eyes were bouncing wildly between each of the officers where they disappeared into the evidence room with your pets.
Your gaze found his own. "Sam!"
"Y/n." He was bounding down the corridor, long stretches of leg, but the officers were adamant in their grip.
"Sam, I promise I didn't-- it wasn't me. I swear--"
There was a loud huff and a heave and you stumbled backwards into a closed holding cell. Your hands wrapped between the bars.
"I know," Sam was breathless. "I know you didn't--"
Suddenly there was hands on his chest. "Sir, you need to get out of here."
"I need to speak with her--"
"Sir you can't do that. You need to speak to the sheriff."
Sam's chest was rumbling with a frenzied desperation. He couldn't pull his eyes off the fragments of your figure behind the bars.
The officers shoved him again. "Sir--"
He ripped himself off their grip, hair flushed back against his reddening face and he turned back down the corridor.
Dean was already at the sheriff's desk.
"--suspicious behaviour--"
"What the hell is going on?" Sam's voice rumbled across the room. "On what basis are you holding her?"
The sheriff was a small man and he looked smaller under Sam's furious stature.
"It's like I was telling your partner here, agent," He was patting a handkerchief over his balding head. "Y/n Y/l/n is being held on the basis of suspicious activity."
"What exactly is your definition of suspicious activity?"
The sheriff shrugged, "Well we got a call in of her roaming around the forest--"
Sam could feel his fists tightening at his sides, "What are people not allowed to go into the forest in this town or does that make them all kidnappers? You have no evidence--"
"Sammy, calm down." Dean's hand found Sam's chest but he shrugged him off.
"Release her. Right now."
But the sheriff shook his head. "Unfortunately, not even FBI have the power to do that. State's laws say she can be detained for 12 hours pending investigative procedures."
"Investigative procedures--?"
By then, Dean had him by the arm. "Okay, okay. Let's go cool off--"
He tugged Sam towards the door, surprising both himself and Dean by allowing him to do so successfully.
The cool dusk air rushed over his face. Sam took a deep breath.
"They have no evidence, Dean--"
"I get that, but you need to calm down. You're not helping the situation by threatening the sheriff."
An officer passed them with another cage. Three hedgehogs.
Sam ran a hand over his face. He took a deep breath.
"You don't even believe she's innocent, Dean."
There was quiet for a long moment.
Sam fell into a bench bolted against the side of the building. His hands found his face again. After a moment, Dean crouched into the spot beside him.
"Look." He sighed. "If you believe her, I believe you. Alright?"
Sam's eyes were watching his shoes. He nodded, only half believing his brother's claim.
They sat like that for nearly an hour with evening settling over Fernglade around them and the autumn crisp seeping into their suits.
After a long resounding silence, one that had stretched on past Dean's wide yawn, Dean rose to his feet.
"Sammy, we should go home. Get some headway on this goblins angle."
At that, Sam shook his head. "I'm gonna stay."
"What, until she's out?"
"Yeah."
Dean's eyes were dripping in pity and it made Sam's blood boil.
"That's--" he raised his watch into his eyeline, "She's still got another ten hours. It's only six o' clock now."
Sam nodded. "Yeah."
"Sam--"
"Dean."
Another cold silence.
Sam pressed his hair back with a wide hand, conceding. "Look, I'm sorry. But I'm gonna stay. You head back to the motel, do some work and get some sleep. I'll be fine."
Dean considered him, but he made no further argument and Sam thought momentarily it was maybe because he knew he couldn't budge him in the same argument with Cas.
"Alright. Fine." Dean nodded, tugging his jacket closer against the cold. "I'll see you in the morning."
Sam watched his brother's retreating figure all the way until the Impala had disappeared down the next street before going to stand.
The doors swung open with a whine, the station had cooled to a quieter buzz than when he'd first burst in. The sheriff had disappeared into an office off in the corner of the room.
Finding the nearest officer, Johnson, behind a short wooden desk, Sam approached him.
Officer Johnson glanced warily up at him from the papers he'd been filling out. He'd probably been witness to his first outburst.
"Uhm," Sam cooled his voice to a deferential timber. "The animals at the back, what's gonna happen to them?"
The officer set his pen down, "Well I'm doing the paperwork on them now. They'll be released if and when she does."
"If?"
He shrugged, "Yeah, if they don't find anything they'll let her go. Only got twelve hours."
Sam shifted his weight, running his eyes over the station. Somehow it was colder inside than the bench he'd just abandoned.
"Right."
The image returned to him again of your tiny green dress, the satin sleeves that reached down over your arms - he wondered for a moment if you wore them to cover all his scars - and the shiny ends that left your legs a prize for the bite of the freezing air that nipped at him even through all his layers.
He dug his hands into his coat pocket, pulling out his badge and his wallet and his phone to slip them into his pant pockets. Then he shrugged out the jacket.
Sam held it out to the officer. "Would you mind giving this to her?"
The officer took it with tentative hands, he gave it a glance over but made no move to stand.
"There's nothing in it." Sam huffed. "It's freezing in here, and unless you want her to die of hypothermia before morning, I suggest you do what I've asked."
He was considering it, Sam could tell by how his eyes flickered over the office door behind which the sheriff was hiding, but eventually elected to stand.
"Fine."
-
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ebug's sister, dm91
part one / part two /part three / part four / part five / part six /
blakefriarr_
liked by dawson1417, lhughes_06, and 6,213 others
blakefriarr_: my brothers an ebug, episode five!
i think ni saw me in the stands before the game started, cause he didn’t ONCE look in my direction and i had to scavenge the broadcast after the game to find an image of him under duress. it’s cute that you thought i wouldn’t find a way, though, worlds sluttiest captain™️
i added a photo of jack to this one since i flat out refused to add him to mine and quinnys groupchat, so we settled on this. for those of you this may negatively affect, i promise it’s a one time thing <3
the next two are both of dawson, since 1. he got a goal!! but second and most importantly, he’s got such a pretty smile and i think it needed to be broadcasted to all of you lovely people seeing this
then we have a goalie hug! i would like to point out that in the five games i’ve seen this season, they’ve won every time i was there. i’m the good luck charm. not even maybe. i am telling you it’s me
last, cause i want to rub it in jj’s face that i have a sweet, attentive guy that he doesn’t know the name of, is a message from my boy!! (he still hasn’t asked me to be his girl, so he’s not TECHNICALLY my boy, but shhhh we’ll ignore it)
view 607 comments..
jj.friar31: does this guy of yours know about your strange love for dawson mercer
→ blakefriarr_: i would say he's aware
lhughes_06: I RANK HIGHER THAN JACK!?!?!?
→ blakefriarr_: unfortunately you are very adoptable
→ lhughes_06: you're like eight months older than me
→ blakefriarr_: ok?
_quinnhughes: hey guy who won't be named where jj can see, if you're reading this, please ask her out before i go crazy
→ blakefriarr_: you said i could talk to you anytime :(
→ _quinnhughes: of course you can, sweetheart. that doesn't mean i wont go nuts
→ blakefriarr_: awh huggy you're willing to go nuts for me?
→ _quinnhughes: unfortunately i'm not immune to whatever it is you have going on in that head of yours
jesperbratt: i can't believe you just called nico a slut
→ blakefriarr_: believe it, bratter.
nicohischier: ... sluttiest?
→ blakefriarr_: what other word can be used to describe what it is when you flip your hair around with a bloody mouth and call people fucking pussies
→ nicohischier: i was hoping those clips would stay off your radar
→ blakefriarr_: that's impossible i see everything
adamfantilli: wasn't expecting him to be such a softy
→ lhughes_06: now what is this supposed to mean
→ blakefriarr_: rookie how did you manage it's been literally three days
→ lhughes_06: IS HE IN THE GROUPCHAT?????? BLAKE??
→ blakefriarr_: don't be so dramatic moose
→ lhughes_06: quinn?? what do you have to say for yourself?
→ _quinnhughes: she asked very nicely idk what you wanted me to do
→ blakefriarr_: 'i'm adding adam fuckface' 'cool lmao' there was no resistance and by definition i don't think i was being nice
→ _quinnhughes: why do i put up with this
→ adamfantilli: i feel so honoured you didn't even ask properly
→ blakefriarr_: whatever. love u, rookie
→ adamfantilli: love u, coach
→ lhughes_06: i'm killing you both and not in your sleep you deserve to know it was me
→ blakefriarr_: well now you can do it in our sleeps cause you just.. told us? that it would be you?
dougieham: i would like to formally apologize for my comment on your most recent post. i was out of line and i should not have spilled very highly classified of information about the groupchat. i hope my apology finds you well.
→ blakefriarr_: you're forgiven, but you're on probation
→ dougieham: quinn is that good enough
→ _quinnhughes: probably idk
dawson1417: i have a pretty smile? blushing
→ blakefriarr_: you're welcome, loser <3
→ dawson1417: that guy of yours ask you out yet?
→ blakefriarr_: he has.
→ dawson1417: yeah?
→ blakefriarr_: only to an event, though. hoping he'll man up n kiss me
→ dawson1417: best of luck, then <3
jackhughes: least favourite?? what did i do to deserve this
→ blakefriarr_: you are just incredibly underwhelming i'm sorry. be glad you got your picture in the post that is ALL i agreed to.
→ jackhughes: and quinn isn't??
→ blakefriarr_: do not diss quinn i will take your head of and put it over my fireplace
jj.friar31: ok so from what i'm compiling here i think it's either quinn or.. adam fantilli????? somehow?? when did that even happen how do you keep pulling this off
→ blakefriarr_: ok first of all if you think i would ever allow someone i'm romantically involved with to call me coach you need a lobotomy
→ blakefriarr_: second of all you are so dumb it's actually become fascinating. NEITHER OF THOSE PEOPLE LIVE IN JERSEY?? you think quinn hughes found the time in his nhl player schedule to fly down here and bring me home from work?
→ jj.friar31: oh right
→ jj.friar31: ignore me i've compiled nothing.
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#dawson mercer#dawson mercer x reader#hockey imagine#nhl imagine#new jersey devils#young wild & free au !
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Another Love
Chapter 1 Heartburn
warnings: this fanfiction will tackle heavy topics such as mental health and violence. there will be sex scenes.
– Fuck!
This word was often repeated every morning in my apartment. I was not an early bird, quite the opposite. I definitely preferred to fall asleep late in the evening, often in the middle of the night, to sleep until noon. Unfortunately, I was no longer a teenager, but a twenty-three-year-old woman who had to go to work every morning to pay the rent and bills. Life was often a bitch, wasn't it?
More curses spilled out of my mouth as my windshield wipers sped faster than Dan making up another shitty joke. Or a meme. His memes sucked, though I never told him that.
Duskwood was usually cloudy and rainy at this time of year. This is the second time I am convinced of this, because I moved here exactly two years ago. At times like this, I ask myself why? I could live peacefully in sunny California, sipping drinks on my balcony. But sometimes life writes its own scripts without asking you.
The pouring rain made my commute a bit more difficult, but I finally made it to the office where I was supposed to stay for another eight or nine hours. My boss threw papers at my desk, which didn't bode well. Halfway through work, I looked at my co-workers. Since I was a child, I liked to observe, analyze and draw conclusions about human behavior. So it was also now. However, the current view made me drowsy boredom. A group of people locked in a glass building, caring only if their shitty paperwork will pay the rent and pay off the mortgage. Will it allow them to go out to dinner at a restaurant at the beginning of the month, or maybe they'll get lucky and they can afford four days away at the end of the year? Corpsrats whose minds were completely closed to the world around them. I was a hypocrite judging them. Because I was absolutely the same. I also chased after money, abandoning my dreams and passions.
Deep, philosophical considerations were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Seeing the name on the screen, I smiled slightly, despite my obvious tiredness. I picked up right away.
– Hello, hello. - greeted a nice, almost singing voice, which finally regained this lovely note – I'm picking you up from work today.
– But..
– Without any buts. We'll be choosing decorations today, you can't be absent! Nobody I know has better taste than you. Besides, you know what Thomas is like. He'll agree with me about everything, even if I pick the worst shit.
I burst out laughing. There was no contact with Hannah for several weeks. She needed hours of therapy, shed tears, and shutting herself off from the world to recover. To understand what happened. Has she come to terms with it? Was there any reconciliation at all in this situation? No one in the group seemed to agree with it. Damn, how were they supposed to accept that their longtime friend, the man who always made them laugh, did something like that? They couldn't even talk to him. Only Jessy had this honor, but I don't know if it didn't affect her even worse. I was just a shadow. A hiding shadow that listened to their conversation.
– Okay, you convinced me. Be there at 4pm – I told her shortly and said goodbye. Maybe this day won't be so bad after all.
* * *
– Thomas, don't interfere. – I grumbled under my breath as I flicked through the catalog with bouquets
I heard his loud protests to which Hannah reacted immediately.
– Babe, you know I love you, but I'll be carrying the bouquet, not you. Unless you want too?
The man got angry and left us alone. I suppressed the urge to comment on her rather dubious choice of husband and rolled my eyes, but a mischievous smirk must have affected my face hearing my biting thoughts.
Did that sperm really win?
I stopped quickly when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
– I can see you're not getting along, but just a little more. It will be better after marriage. Thomas is just stressed out. – she assured me and I nodded – You know, two years ago it all ended. This anniversary has such an effect on him.
I felt a shiver run down my spine. How... how come it's been two years since this nightmare ended?
– Have you forgotten? – she asked, seeing the pale expression on my face
– N-No. – I coughed at my broken tone of voice. – It's just that... it's a bit weird? That, time flies so fast and we live like two years ago?
– Can we do otherwise? I think we'd be best off living for them. – she said, then smiled sadly and squeezed my hand – Have you been at his grave?
I sighed, slowly shooking my head.
– Me neither. I'm not ready for that yet. –she confessed honestly and my heart clenched. Today was the day I had to face my past.
Getting into the car, I typed into the GPS the cemetery, which was located on the outskirts of Duskwood. Half an hour later, I was there. I gripped the steering wheel, letting out shaky breaths. I had no idea how long I sat there, but I finally moved and took out the rose I had bought on the way out of the back of the car. It was intensely red, reflecting my feelings at that moment. My mind was unconscious, my feet led me all the way to the grave. No wonder, my body knew the way by heart. I looked up at the name carved on it.
Jake Donfort
I swallowed. One candle was lit, illuminating this late evening. So Lilly must have been here already. I crouched down and carefully placed the flower on his grave. It may have been two years, but some things haven't changed. My heart still burned as I remembered the black-haired hacker who once meant so much to me. Now my heart squeezed even tighter as I realized something else.
The memory of him was fading, a little at a time and I could feel myself forgetting.
Time passed inexorably, and my upside down life returned to normal. Two years ago, I couldn't imagine my life without him. We had a promise, right? He promised we'd meet. He promised he wouldn't let us be separated. However, his promise was burned with him in the mine fire because he never came back. Even though he said he would.
#duskwood jake#duskwood#duskwood everbyte#duskwood fanfiction#duskwood phil#duskwood mc#duskwood jake x mc#duskwood fandom#duskwood jessy#duskwood hannah
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Thinking about this au
Hank being bored and going on a night-time stakeout with Connor.
"You should be sleeping, Lieutenant."
"I've slept all day yesterday. Wouldn't be able to fall asleep today even if I tried. Thought I might as well do something useful."
"I'm afraid it's far from being useful – nothing has been going on here for four nights I've been monitoring it."
"Well, if I'm being paid to do nothing, I don't actually mind it that much either."
They stay silent for a minute. Once again Hank looks at Connor and can't shake off the feeling that he looks...really tired.
"When do you sleep? Or...I dunno, do you do something similar?"
"Androids go into stasis. I think you can call it 'sleeping'"
"So?"
"I get about an hour of it when I charge my battery in the morning."
"Is it...enough?"
"To charge – yes."
"...But?" Hank pries, sensing that there's more to it.
"It's not really enough time to fully process all the new data and run a full diagnostics."
"Huh..have any of you guys talked about it? Maybe I could say I few words?"
Connor sighs, he looks a little annoyed, but when he finally talks his voice is soft, quiet.
"It doesn't affect our performance that much for DPD to bother. No one will change the rules just so we could feel more comfortable. It's cheaper to restart or replace us when we accumulate enough critical errors instead of preventing them from occuring by giving us more time to be unproductive."
"That...sucks."
"I guess."
"Have you ever been," Hank winces as he wonders if his question is appropriate, "restarted?"
"Not yet."
"Is it like turning you off and back on, right?"
"No, it's wiping our memories clean and starting fresh."
Hank swallows and stares outside. He clears his throat and asks
"Are those memories stored somewhere to transfer them back or..."
Connor stares at him, and his silence speaks volumes.
"What do you think?"
"Holy fucking shit. Really?"
"That's why no one really likes being partnered with one of ours. Most of us here are wiped about once every three months."
"But not you."
He shrugs.
"I'm a new prototype. I suppose I'm more durable."
"Fuck..."
Hank reclines on his seat and counts how many months have passed since he was first partnered with Connor. Five.
"I thought it's a common knowledge," Connor says, lazily tapping a steering wheel, eyes fixed right ahead.
"I just...I never really thought about it. I don't really interact much with other androids. Other than you, I mean."
"I'm not a good example. That's okay. I'm not sure why I expected you to know."
They stay quiet for a little while.
"How much time would it take for you to do the full diagnostics and all those other things?" Hank asks when silence start to feel thick.
"It depends. Could be from 6 hours up to a 30 if I were to process all the months worth of unprocessed data."
Hank takes a look at the time.
"How about seven?"
Connor stopps tapping and turns his head to look at Hank. Hank continues.
"If you're right and there's nothing to see here, it won't hurt if you just go on the back seats and...do your thing," he shrugs, "I can always wake you up if something actually happens, right?"
"I'm...not sure if you're joking or not."
"Are you gonna move to the backseat or not?"
"Hank, it's not..."
"I won't tell anyone. Will you?"
Connor bits on his lower lip and looks around as if ensuring that no one else could see him through the car window.
Hank tilts his head
"So what do you say, deal?"
"Deal!"
With that he unfastens his seatbelt and climbs on the backseat, and Hank takes his driver seat instead.
"Um...in case you need me, send me a message, okay? You won't be able to wake me up otherwise."
Hank nods.
"Noted."
"And Hank?"
Hank hums in response and eyes Connor in a rearview mirror.
"Thank you."
"To be honest, I wish you said something earlier. What the hell..."
Hank turns around to check on Connor, waiting for some response, but the other already curled in the back seats with his eyes closed and his LED spinning in continuous yellow, blinking once in a while. It took Hank a few moments to realise he's staring and return his eyes back to the boring building outside. Before today he didn't even know that androids can, yet alone need to sleep sometimes, and somehow now one of them was doing exactly that on the backseats of the car they both were sharing. It was another minute of complete silence before he noticed that Connor was breathing. Hank already knew that about androids, they all did. Ironically, if they didn't it would have been far more noticeable. So, that piece of knowledge was nothing new to Hank, and yet somehow he never really paid attention to it. Until now.
He wonders if it's just something androids only do to appear more human or if there's some practical meaning behind it as well. He should not forget to ask Connor about it next time he's awake. Or...hell, why not just search it up. He glances back at the building, then takes his phone out and spends the next few hours alternating between looking outside at the building and reading about how on earth was his android partner even functioning. Perhaps he'll learn more about things he don't know. Perhaps one day they'll even prove to be useful.
#dbh#dbh connor#dbh hank#platoniconk#it wasn't from my notes I literally just wrote it here in Tumblr posts so it doesn't technically qualify but still it's kinda#kinda fits#snippets from my notes#(not really but almost)#it's a bit boring but I'll post it anyway because why not
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Away from myself
A follow up to AWAY FROM HOME
Bang Chan x reader
- it's eight months after the last chapter
- it's seven months since Y/N saw some nasty responses to rumours
- it's six months since she started spiralling
- five months since she stopped replying to his text
- four months since she stopped reading them
- three months since he stopped messaging
- two months since she stopped sleeping properly
- one day till she has to see him again.
STARING
Bang Chan
Han
Changbin
Y/N
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
TRIGGER WARNINGS
Depression
NSFW
Negative body image
Anxiety
Self-hatred
General poor mental health
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
His hand reaches up, grabbing mine out of his hair. Our finger interlock as he continues to explore.
My breath hitches at every change in direction.
The vibration of his giggles adding to the build up.
I glance down and see the smirk in his eyes.
The intense connection pushing me towards ~
I lurch awake. Panting, as sweat trickles down my back and forehead.
That didn't happen...
I wanted it more than anything, but that didn't happen.
I tear away my duvet and head to the bathroom. Walking down the dark hallway I know better than the back of my hand. It's been six months since I last spoke to Chris. And 3 months since he stopped trying to contact me.
Why do I always do this?
I always ruin everything good.
The cold water on my hands grounds me. The sensation reminding that this is what is real. The girl in the mirror is me. She is here. I am here.
"You okay sweetheart" my mums voice adds to the dawn birds song.
"Yeah just.."
"A bad dream?" She asks standing in the doorway. How do I answer this? Cause no. It wasn't a bad dream. It was an incredible one. One that reminded me of how utterly stupid I am.
"Yeah".
"Come here!" My mums embrace envelopes me in comfort. "Remember those bad dreams aren't really my love." I know that's the problem "and if they were I'd fight them off for you". She pinches my cheek like she did when I was a baby.
How can someone so full of love have made me?
"Now get back to sleep. Big day tomorrow!" Her excitement making me feel guilty for my lack.
"Do I have to go?!" I almost plead. She brushes my hair from my face.
"Y/N... my love yes. Yes you have to go! In two days time we will be in London. On a red carpet, at the premiere of your first every big film." The pride radiates off her. "My little girl" her eyes start to well, my follow in response. "Look at you living your dream! Being my little star!"
"I'm taller than you" I laugh between sobs.
"You'll always be my little girl." She switches in to PA mode, "Now go to bed, the train to London is at 9. And you have a call with your manager at 8."
"Love you mum"
"Love you too." She hugs me again "now move I need the toilet!"
************************************
I beat my alarm by five minutes. My dad always said to set it 20 minutes before the scheduled arrival, so when you fall asleep, you don't miss your stop.
I guess he had some good advice after all.
My phones buzzes but it's not the alarm.
It's him.
It's Chris.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuckity.
Fuck.
I can't ignore him, tomorrow evening we'll be sat next to each other at the screening. Maybe I can ask Han to swap seats. Or is that too harsh? I just know that if his thigh touches mine...
Y/N, no. You can't do this. He deserves way better than you. Someone who could love him so much more than you can. You'll burden him. I love him too much to do that.
I'll check his message at the hotel. I pull my head phones and press shuffle.
Not now...
I haven't listen to them in months and now! The god damn universe hates me.
This will do. My eyes settle on the countryside flying past.
I need to be brave.
************************************
I thank the receptionist as she hands me the PR plan for the next two weeks.
First the London premiere, then to the La premiere and lastly off to Seoul for the Asian premiere. The 3racha soundtrack is highly anticipated there, so much so they changed to an even bigger venue than la.
From what I heard it will be worth the wait. Chan would come over to my room every night after filming to show me what they'd come up with. Each snippet better than the last.
Each night ending in a passionate embrace.
No.
Stop it.
I close my eyes as if that will make the images erase from my mind.
Shit his text. I can't just ignore it. Why am I hyping myself up to read a text? What is wrong with me. Jesus.
I chuck my phone on the couch next to the TV. What am I gonna say.
I'm sorry Chris, I didn't message you for 6 months because I saw one tweet about us being friends and how I'm a fat piece of shit and I started to spiral and haven't been able to look at any thing to do with stray kids since then!
Or maybe
I'm sorry Chris that I somehow tricked you into liking me in anyway possible, we should just pretend nothing ever happened between us. Pretend that everytime something good happens, it isn't immediately ruined because I can't tell him. And then i wallow in my own stupid self-pity.
Christ... he really dodged a bullet
Flopping down on the bed, i open the manila envelope to see who I'm paired with for the interviews. I'm guessing it'll be with Jack, my on screen boyfriend. Haven't spoken to him since we stopped filming. So that's another awkward re-meeting tomorrow.
But it's not Jack's name there. Or jenna or tash. No it's non of my fellow actors. It's the boys of 3racha.
I immediately dial my manager.
"Hey Julie, I just got my PR plan. It says I'm doing the press bracket with 3racha? I thought I'd be doing it with Jack? Or another actor?"
"Oh yes! I forgot to say this morning! Since there's been such buzz around the soundtrack, Ryan thought it'd be a great idea to have them in the interviews. And he said you got along so well he'd thought you enjoy it!" Of course he did. "Is everything good? Do you want me to ask if they can change it?"
"No its okay, I was just a bit surprised is all" I can't kick up a fuss. I don't want any drama. "I'll see you tomorrow Julie!
" Remember, your interviews start at 9 am. I'll be there at 11. And then 7pm it's the red carpet and at 9pm it's the screening."
"I know," I say, trying to emphasise how many times I've been over the plan. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you"
"Thank you Y/N! Now have a nice dinner and treat your mum to something nice!"
"Don't worry I will". I hang up.
I need to text chan back.
I am not ready.
Someone knocks at the door. I open it and he's there.
Christopher is there in front of me.
I can't control myself. I burst into tears.
"I guess we're hotel neighbours again" he smiles sadly.
#bang chan#bang chan fanfic#bang chris#christopher bang#han jisung#bang chan x reader#chan x reader#chris bang x reader#chris x reader#stray kids fanfic#stray kids#stray kids texts#stray kids x reader#your name
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Apologies for the repeat ask, I just think mine got lost in all the others and now that you're answering asks I just wanted to try again so please ignore the first one if you manage to find it (again, really sorry if this bothers you and thanks for taking the time to read all of this). First off, I absolutely adore this AU!!!! I love how dark and angst-filled it is and the toxic relationships and the characterizations as a whole are so brilliantly well-done. You manage to draw me deeper and deeper into this twisted fiction with you and your co-writters masterful ideas and art. Not to mention how refreshing and relieving it is to be able to enjoy all of this angst without having to worry about if the individual(s) behind this truly feel that those kinds of relationships work that way (ie. romanticises/normalises it). All in all, thank you so much for all the time and effort you and your co-writors have put into this, it's greatly appreciated and I can't wait to see more!!!
P.S. I feel like Hateful Ever After by Ellise as well as a bunch of her other songs plus Paparazzi by Lady Gaga work really well in encompassing the vibes Addams Leosagi gives off. Maybe some of Upsahl, Will Wood and Confetti (especially Rob a Bank) songs for Addams Mikey too?
Thank you gain for taking the time to read this huge text dump and I hope you have a wonderful day(s)/week(s)/month(s)/year(s) because you deserve it and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!!
No worries!!!!! I see every ask I get, I just have like. The lowest social battery ever, and for some reason asks are included in that (yeah, idk either) so I don't answer often. Your words are so, completely, absolutely screamed and fawned over.
We love dark themes and it's nice to see that you agree!!!!! All the dynamics and stuff are always so fun to work on and flesh out, how toxic relationships manifest in loads of different ways and how to portray that correctly. Labor of love, for sure!!!! Sad that some people do romanticize or normalize it, but all there is to do is be better then they are, yk?
Thank you for your kind words!!!!!! They are so so appreciated, you don't even know!!! We have lots of stuff in the works, which is so exciting (and nerve-racking, lol).
Now, song reccs!!!! Hell yeah >:]]]]]
For Hateful Ever After, I think the tone is really Leo, but the lyrics hit me over the head with Usagi. Like, Spot on!!!
Don't tell my brother, please // I know he worries about me // Seen I've been losing sleep
The ones who told me all I need to know // But, I can't go back even if I want
Four eyes to watch each other cry // Three lies, you whispered to me that night // Two arms to hold my broken trust // One heart for the both of us
AS FOR PAPARAZZI?????? THE FACT ITS SO LEO *AND* ITS GAGA????? LEO WOULD LOVE GAGA OH MY GOD. LOVED THESE LINES.
I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me
But I won't stop until that boy is mine // Baby, you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Look at the past blast, I'ma make you fall on your ass // Suck it up and pacify, but it's irrelevant
As for Mikey, I do love those!!!! ESPECIALLY Rob A Bank (hell, I put it on my OWN playlist, it fucking slaps). I also really like Ghost by Confetti for him too!!!! Confetti just seems to be really good overall LOL
I didn't listen to too many songs by each artist, just some of the first that popped up, but I really loved both Drugs and People I Don't Like by UPSAHL for him too! That's really how Mikey approaches his fame and the people he has to interact with because of it. He's there for the drugs and the party, not for the people. And he's aware they aren't there for HIM, but the connections he can give them.
As for Will Wood, Main Character is SOOOO Mikey. Bro really would call people NPCs LMAOOOO. I loved the line "God forbid I'm seen just as an average human being." That alone definitely made it an insta-add to his playlist :]
GOOD LUCK READING MY TEXT DUMP RIGHT BACK!!!!! HAVE AN AWESOME DAY TOO <333 THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR ASK!!!
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Denial Diary - Part 1
At the beginning of January, Monsieur and I put new rules into place to increase my sexual arousal and his sexual control and ownership over me. So far this month I have had four orgasms (one during masturbation) with 20 days as my longest stretch of denial. I have touched myself nearly every day. I haven't experienced issues with depression or drop in sex drive like I've struggled with in the past.
But I have noticed some other interesting changes in both our dynamic and my own sexual desires. That's why I decided to keep a diary of my observations and feelings. What follows is a summary of our rule changes and entries I've written over the last month.
How the Rules Changed in January
The rules suspended limitations on how long Monsieur could go without giving me a full (unruined) orgasm and how long he could go without vaginal sex.
The rules created a requirement that I have to ask permission to orgasm during masturbation, which I did not have to do previously. While I am allowed three orgasms without permission (a "release valve" if it got to be too much), I have not used any.
I must spend at least 15 minutes each day sexually touching myself, with edging as the default.
All solo orgasms require some kind of anal stimulation (dildo, plug, etc.).
Every day Monsieur works, I must spend at least two hours plugged.
3 days since last orgasm (last orgasm: Dec 31)
I'm finding it hard to sleep, and it's very hard not to orgasm during sex. But I'm feeling extra sweet and submissive, wanting to do extra things for him. We are extra loving, like the newlywed stereotype. We snuggle and kiss more. When I know I'm not going to cum, I feel more pleasure from his orgasm. I watch his face and body and just soak in everything about it.
5 days since last orgasm
I look forward to my touch time now. It's almost meditative. It's really hard to stop though. Today he was home during my touch time, and I was a bit annoyed that he wanted to do sex things. I think it's because of the shift in headspace—from low-processing, quiet-brain edging to high-processing, active sexual service. I wanted him to come use me, but then I struggled with the shift.
6 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 6)
He made me cum tonight while he fucked my ass. I thought I’d be emotional or sad or something, just from the overwhelming sensations and the loss of denial. But I wasn’t. It just felt like it was his choice to make. Not mine. Sometimes I cum. Sometimes I don’t. No need for me to feel one way or another about it.
1 day since last orgasm
I'm surprised to see how horny I still am. I woke up eager for sex. He denied me multiple times this morning. When I got close, he would pull out and run his hands lightly over my body, waiting for me to settle. It brings such calm to me when he does that. It’s like I can feel him soaking in the energy of my denial. When he re-enters me, I feel soft and open and accepting. In some ways, it’s easier not to cum after he’s done that because my mind is more submissive. But then it doesn't take much before I am impossibly close again.
I am trying to get better about taking it and not cumming no matter what, so he can fuck me as hard as he wants without worrying about denying me. But I don’t know if that’s desirable? Maybe he wants me to still be unable to keep from tipping over unless he stops me. Not sure.
I've also started craving more pain. Today while I was edging my ass, he put Bengay on my clit and pussy lips. It burned. So much pain at first. But then I was humping the air, not sure how to handle so much stimulation. It felt better when he rubbed and then went back to pain when he stopped.
2 days since last orgasm
Now when he's fucking me, he's started just repeating, "You do not cum. I cum, you do not cum." And then I don't. I'm not sure I want to anymore. I feel more special in some way, being his denied girl.
After he came in my pussy this morning, I cleaned his cock. The more I'm denied, the more I want to worship his cock. I want to hold it and kiss it and keep it in my mouth. Even when I kneel in the morning and before bed, I want to kiss it and feel his cock and balls against my face. It just feels right.
4 days since last orgasm
He woke me up this morning with denial. There’s this strange duality now where I am so desperate to orgasm but also accept that I won’t. I feel more docile and obedient when he denies me. But sometimes during my touch time, I am so, so tempted to let myself go over the edge.
I’m also more turned on now when he touches my asshole. I had one day where I didn’t wear a plug for digestive reasons, and I missed it. And that night when his fingers grazed over my asshole, my arousal skyrocketed. I wanted him to fuck me there so badly. Yesterday I hoped he would unplug me and use my ass. This morning he grazed his fingers over my hole and told me how he couldn’t wait to fuck me there. And I really, really can’t wait either. Part of me hopes he’ll let me cum while he uses my ass. But part of me hopes he doesn’t.
I fantasize now that when he does let me cum, he ruins me. Badly.
6 days since last orgasm
I am so easily distracted at work. I just want to keep edging. Or if I can’t edge, I want to fill my ass and clamp my nipples. When I know he’s coming home from work, all I can think about are his hands on me. I will need to get it under control so my work doesn’t suffer. But it’s so hard…
He lets me edge with his cock sometimes. I ride him until I get so, so close and have to lift myself off him. It’s like my body is fighting itself. The stronger part of me is resolute in pulling off his cock so I don’t cum. But there are ripples. Waves. A restrained part of me is still humping the air, looking for what was taken away.
7 days since last orgasm
Edging is making me a pain slut. I tortured my nipples all day today, alternating between suction and clamps. And I wanted so, so much more. I keep thinking about him bruising me. Clamping my tits. Using Bengay or worse things to make me suffer. Hitting all the places I hate—my thighs, my pussy, my tits. I want to be really, really beaten.
He asked if I thought my body was just searching for some kind of release. I’m not sure. I think part of it is that I feel his ownership more strongly. Part is that the constant arousal makes it easier to take pain. Part is probably the amount of porn I’ve been consuming. All I know is I want it.
Now before we go to bed, he spends some time just pinching and rubbing my nipples. They are so sensitive now, but I want more.
8 days since last orgasm
It’s getting easier not to cum during sex. He tells me I don’t cum, and then I don’t. I sort of dissociate from the stimulation a bit. That layer of mental separation feels like the only thing keeping me from orgasm.
During masturbation, it’s still really hard. I think because I control the stimulation, so I have to think about how good it feels and whether I need to stop myself. So I’m always very aware of the orgasm I could have in a matter of seconds if I just kept going…and then I stop. With sex, it’s easier just to accept that I won’t cum and then let my mind remain unfocused.
I���m a little worried that I won’t be able to cum when he decides to let me—at least during sex. If I keep my mind unfocused like this, I don’t let myself get too close. What if I build a mental block and then I can’t anymore?
Anytime I'm near him, I am thinking about his cock. This morning I woke up to him pushing his cock into my ass. He fucked me until he came, and then he plugged me. I will take his sexual touching any way I can get it now, but I crave anal so much. I find it hard to understand all those times when I found it intrusive or uncomfortable. It feels so natural now.
9 days since last orgasm
Today after some hard edges and a brief impact session, I felt some sadness creeping in. Like a bit of the apathy that depression brings sometimes. It took me a while to come down from the edging. I couldn’t stop touching myself, running my fingers through his cum dripping out of me. But then when I did—when I finally came down, I just felt kind of…sad. The sadness hung around for part of the day. Maybe it was the combination of the impact and denial that made me drop a little. Maybe it’s starting to get to me. I’m not sure.
If he asked me, I still wouldn’t want him to let me cum. But I don’t choose.
I do wonder if he’s going to get bored of my constant neediness. His horniness tends to dissipate once he cums. And he cums every day now, sometimes multiple times. Right now it’s a novelty to fuck me so much. But what if he gets less horny overall because he’s so satisfied, and then he doesn’t really want to fuck or edge me? His attention to and appreciation of my denial is so important to me feeling connected and loved. What if he gets tired of it?
10 days since last orgasm
This may be the longest I’ve ever gone without an orgasm, outside of illness or pregnancy or postpartum. It is almost definitely the longest I have been denied when I actually wanted an orgasm.
I felt that pleasant glowing buzz from edging this morning. It makes me feel like yesterday was just a version of drop.
I am obsessed with his balls now. I’ve never really felt one way or another about them before. But now I want to hold them and lick them and feel them against my face all the time. I want to curl up between his legs and cuddle with his cock and balls covering my face and nose. I want to give them little kisses every morning when I kneel and just inhale the scent of him. I want to hold his balls in my mouth and run my tongue over them, just keeping them warm. It’s a very primal urge.
I’m also obsessed with his cum. Last night he came on my chest, and I wanted to massage it into my breasts and play with my cum-covered nipples. So many sensations that I've never appreciated before.
13 days since last orgasm
I am feeling more little now. Soft and needy and willing to follow anything he says. When he was fucking me earlier, I felt so wide-eyed and innocent. Docile and compliant. He tells me I don't need orgasms anymore, and I believe him. I would do anything to be his good girl. And when he edges me, I want to curl into him, resting my head against him. I feel fully open to my neediness now. He tells me it's freeing me to be my true self, and there's no need to be ashamed or hide that. And all of that makes me feel little. Fully trusting my Daddy to know what's best for me, and being completely unselfconscious in doing whatever feels good.
I’ve also been listening to more mind control conditioning audios, usually while I edge. Sometimes I listen while I run. They feel comforting, allowing me to maintain that buzz of arousal and reinforcing how good it is to be needy and obedient. Good girls exist for the pleasure of others. Good girls can't stop touching. Good girls like to play and obey. Just a mindless, dripping slut. When I listen, I can picture his face—the way he absorbs my need and denial, how he looks at me like I am so beautiful. I want to please him. The files I like best have girls repeating these mantras, and you can hear their needy moans in the background. I am one of those girls. I can feel it in the way my body reacts to listening.
17 days since last orgasm
I think about his cock all the time. All the time. When I’m working, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re watching a movie, I’m thinking about his cock. When we’re talking about politics, I’m thinking about his cock. I can’t get it out of my mind. I’m thinking about the soft skin against my face and lips. I’m thinking about how he feels in my ass. I’m thinking about the way he moans when he cums. I’m obsessed. Even right after he fucks me, I want my hand on his cock. Just to feel close to it. I’m sad now if I don’t get to make him cum.
It’s hard to want to do anything but edge and fuck. I don’t even want to work out because I’d rather be edging. When I do work out, I wear a flexible plug for a little extra stimulation. It’s getting distracting at work, too.
20 days since last orgasm
Today I really, really wanted to cum. I had new toys and the time for a long edging session, and I almost asked to cum. It really surprised me since I’ve been really immersed in denial. But the need was just different today.
21 days since last orgasm / orgasm day (Jan 26)
He made me cum twice today during anal. It’s his choice if I cum, not mine. And he wanted me to, so I did. The relief of not having to hold back was so strong that I just went limp there for a bit. Then at bedtime, he touched me again, and I was surprised to still find myself so needy. It was a relief. I do wonder if anal doesn't quite "scratch the itch", even if I do orgasm. I seem to remember it felt that way during the anal-only period at the beginning of our relationship.
Another orgasm day (Jan 27)
He allowed me an orgasm during masturbation today. After nearly a month without making myself cum, it was honestly amazing. I could feel the rush of chemicals flooding my brain. I couldn’t feel my face for a bit and almost passed out with the dildo still in my ass.
It surprised me that I asked for an orgasm, especially after having two during sex yesterday. But I think it's two things: 1) orgasms during masturbation are just a different kind of need, and 2) I am close to starting my period. I am usually hornier at this point of my cycle, so I'm sure that makes denial much harder.
After my solo orgasm, I noticed I wasn’t thinking about his cock constantly. I wasn’t daydreaming about the feel of it inside me, about the privilege of just being allowed to hold it. Last night when he began touching me, I wasn’t immediately wet and on the edge anymore. I wanted sex, but I wasn’t desperate for it. And while the sex felt great, it wasn’t quite so hard to hold off.
Realizing this, my immediate thought was that I shouldn’t make myself cum anymore. But Monsieur reminded me that I do need it every once in a while. And he reminded me that he wants me to cum. He likes making me cum. He just wants me to really appreciate the gift of it. And I really, really do now.
At the same time, I am eager to get back to the needy, denied girl I was before this. I’m eager to feel that constant desire for him—that docile, submissive glow, looking at him with complete adoration. I know I will cum again, both with him and on my own. But I don't want to ask for it until I feel like I truly need it. Because I’d rather feel his ownership than my orgasm. It’s that simple.
2 days since last orgasm
After a lot of edging yesterday, I feel like I’m right back to being needy. It feels good. I’m very eager to please him, even if it means doing the things that I really don’t like. This morning he had me fuck myself on his toe. He knows I hate feet. But it wasn't about my pleasure; it was about his. It didn't feel good (or bad), but it didn't matter because that's not what it was for.
And then when he came, I watched the explosion of pleasure on his face, the way he gasped and the way his fingernails dug into my thighs as he pulled me to him... And I felt content.
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My heart is crying over pasta bake & so I'm writing to the Munsons because I wanna be silly for 5 minutes🥺
It's written TO Eddie & Uncle Wayne, speaking as if I am in their universe. Because why not?🥺
TW NEGATIVITY NEGATIVITY NEGATIVITY AND I GUSH!!!!
Hey, Eddie.
So, uh... it's been a while since we got to spend time together, hasn't it? I can't even remember the sound of your voice, baby. That's my own fault, though. I always tell myself 'you can see Eddie when you're done studying/after work/once you've got X done' but when I've done these things, I have to do something else and then before I know it, I'm holding your guitar pick in the palm of my hand in the work break room when I'm getting in or out of my uniform and fighting off tears because I miss you so damn much it hurts.
I just don't know what to do, angel. Everything is so much all the time and it's getting increasingly so as the weeks go by and I feel like I'm drowning. Dad told me the other day that I do a really good impression of a duck; I look calm and serene on the surface but underneath, my feet are going like crazy to keep me afloat. And he's right and I hate it. I just... I don't know, Eddie. Everything is just... it's a lot and I keep trying to grapple things so that I can catch up with studying but it's getting to the point where if it gets any worse, there won't be catching up because it'll be next to impossible and the odds are already stacked against me. I have until the end of this week to complete an assignment, which I was graciously given an extension for (have you forgiven me for the 32 hour stint yet?🙏), and do three weeks' of uni work, otherwise it'll become four weeks of uni work and two assignments... yeah, I know... I'm disappointed in me too.
I thought I was doing well, and I was.... and then all of a sudden I wasn't and everything spiralled out of control faster than I could tighten my grip and I'm fighting to make it right. My job is so demanding that it asks for everything except a virgin sacrifice, but technically I give them that every time I show up for a shift, and I'm always so tired when I come home that I just don't wanna study so then I don't and then before I know it I'm a week behind but then work doesn't stop being intense because of the industry I work in and then university builds in intensity literally every week and then I stopped eating as much, I stopped sleeping as much and then before you know it, I'm here. Running on fumes, caffeine, spite, running on empty, burning the candle at both ends, telling people she's okay but watching the same film literally twenty-seven times in one week because it's comforting, staying away from you because if I look at you, my beloved, I'll cry, and I simply don't have the time to put myself back together when I've already fallen apart. It's hard enough trying to catch your own fall.
I know what's happening to me, I've been here before, years ago, when I got home from what happened to me (a story I've never told you but maybe one day I will, if you want to hear it), and I know how it ends. And it's happening again but I don't know if I have the strength to pull myself out of it a second time. So forgive me if my hold on you is loose but tight at the same time. I'm almost afraid to look at you, because looking at your chocolate button eyes will make me cry and yet, they're such a big comfort to me. Right now, I'm in a place where I can save things, I can fix it. But if this carries on, it'll be too far gone a situation and then where will I be??? Three years of uni work, down the pan, and for what? A several month long.... whatever the fuck this is? I don't know, Eddie. Maybe you do.
But anyway, I'm sliding this note under your door because I think you're at Hellfire Club right now and I don't want to linger around and disturb anyone. I've left Uncle Wayne a note too, would you please make sure he receives it? I love you both so much, and I'm sorry I've been away so long. Make sure I come back soon, okay? If it's left up to me, we'll never see each other again because I'm not enough for the lifestyle I worked so hard for and that means I'm not enough for you, either. And I want to be enough for you, so so badly. I'm not enough in the ways I should be and I'm too much in the ways I shouldn't be.
But it's... I don't know, Eddie. I'll figure it out. I can't cut back on my work hours because I need the money because everything is so damn expensive, I'm saving up to move out of my parents' house and paying my own bills and helping my parents with theirs when they need it. And also quitting uni, a daily thought I have, isn't an option because otherwise that's the last three years of my life wasted and I already feel like everything I've ever done at any point ever has been a waste too, so I HAVE to get this right.
I just want you here, Eddie. I miss you so much, you beautiful man. My sweet angel baby. I'm only trying to stand my ground because you did, too. You were absolutely fucking terrified but you went down with a fight and I need to be like that too, I want to be like that. I know I can be better than this, I usually am, and I don't understand why I'm struggling so much. It's pissing me off and I just want to crumple myself up, throw me away and get a new Eri because this one is fucking everything up and I hate her. The only things I like about Eri are her hair, her eyes, her creativity, her taste in music, and her friends. Everything else needs to be replaced.
People have told me this isn't my fault, but it IS. How can it not be, when it's my job, my degree, my choices whether to eat or sleep or not, me choosing whether or not to get stressed, me choosing to not study or to sit staring into space picking at my skin because everything is just so much that it scares me into not doing anything??? It's all on me, it's my fault, my responsibility, you know? I'm just not enough, Eddie, I'm not. And I need to be. I'm not even enough for you and that hurts so much because you're the best of the best. There's no one better than you.
I gotta go some chores, honey. I love you, so so so so much. I want to hold onto you and never let you go, not for a second. Will you please stay? I'm sorry I haven't given you a reason to, but please?🥺
All my love,
Erika.💗
P.S. I'm still wearing your necklace! I feel very much your girl today🥺🫂
------
Dearest Uncle Wayne,
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry. God, I just wanna crawl into your lap and burrow myself into your flannel and cry. But I'd never ask to do that. Truth be told, I'm almost afraid to look at you because I'm worried you're angry and/or disappointed in me. I mean, I am so why wouldn't you be? You're amongst the very best of us, you and your boy.
And I... I feel like I'm amongst the worst, at least when it comes to all the Eris I've ever been. I've been here before, Uncle Wayne, and I barely survived it and I'm so scared it's happening again now, even though everything was going great. I had such a good handle on things but then uni increased the workload and then work suddenly got really intense and I couldn't breathe aaaaand it's a few months later and I still can't breathe and I'm scared to go under, Uncle Wayne. The dark scares me, you know it does, and I'm worried it'll be dark if things carry on. I won't do this, to clarify before you panic and grab the phone to call me, but I'm almost tempted to let everything go to shit just to see what would happen!!! But I'm holding onto your flannel, fighting like hell to make sure it doesn't happen even when I want it to. Because I don't actually want it, you know? It's just a thought and I feel like this particular negative thought is more reflective of my fears; not something I actually want.
But. I say this with affection, but I am a stubborn, black-hearted bitch who will eventually wake up, sick of her own shit, and smash through all the uni work I need to do, finish the assignment I'm afraid of and stop staring into space for hours on end, all because I'm overwhelmed with how much there is to do. I need to be more than this and I don't understand why I'm not, I don't understand why this is so hard. I mean, I know it is hard, working almost full-time and studying at the same time, but christ alive, Uncle Wayne, I'm crumbling under the pressure and I don't have a big enough broom to sweep me up and pat me into a neat little pile so you can pour coffee on it until it becomes me again.🥺
I'm really really lost, Uncle Wayne, and I need you to sit me down and lecture me until I cry (you won't have to try hard, just glare at me, raise your voice a little, and job's a good'un!🙃), and then hug me 'til I'm giggling. I think I could face all this properly if I had you here. I have a week to correct this whole academic mess but I'm not sure I can, not without continuing to sacrifice sleep, meals, and my time with you and Eddie. I don't remember your voice, I don't remember what arm you always outstretch first to hug me, I don't remember anything except your ghosts and I miss you both so much.
I'm sorry I'm not your Eri right now, Uncle Wayne. She's gone and I don't know where she is and I'm really scared.💔I need her and I need you and I need Eddie and I need... I don't know what I need but maybe you do. I can see you scratching your head right now.
But anyway. I love you lot and lots and I miss you and I wanna come over but I'm scared to in case you yell at me or tell me you don't love me anymore or this is all my fault or whatever else; it'd be deserved because it's all true. It is my fault! I let this happen and I need to fix it.
With all my love,
Eri.
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I. — Cognac.
Failure knows no bounds
and makes its home here
within me
They Grieve — Wither
Martyrous
In a trans
Nero di Marte ��� Sisyphos
A dark evening in Port Nömbug. Wet concrete underfoot. Puddles, many puddles – thousands of puddles, as if it were meant to be. A population of fourteen thousand. Small four-story houses with families and singles living in separate huge apartments. The main contingent of the town is made up of paradisians. A few craft beer bars behind the back.
Three men are arguing with each other. One has clearly been drinking, big bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and working late. He is dressed in an unbuttoned, hobbled coat down to his ankles, with a knitted sweater underneath, black pants and shoes. He tries to keep his composure as a cultured intoxicated man might. The light of the streetlamps surrounds him and his two friends.
And the great northern sky stretches overhead.
Heated like a tungsten thread, the argument turns from the usual emotional dialog to a long great shout. One shout is layered on top of another. One of the trio, dressed in a sailor's uniform, hopes that people won't see it, that they won't call the police. The drunk one doesn't care about that – his soul has unfolded to the point of unbearability.
His scream pours into a fist connecting with the face of the sailor who tried to quiet him. A third man – a girl in a knit sweater and jeans – dodges his punch, goes behind his back, takes him under his arms. In an unspeakable floating frenzy, the drunken man begins screaming exhaustedly. Rising from the ground, the sailor punches the drunk in the face with all his might, knocking him unconscious.
The moon shows its pale face.
«Every morning is a new opportunity. Sometimes I don't think that's true, because I don't have any more opportunities. Unless I put a bullet in my head.»
Diary of Newt Garfield, dated October 8, 2026.
Newt came to my shop about the first hour of the day, when the clientele is nowhere to be seen. He is a frequent visitor to my establishment, and I am always glad to meet him, though he said he was afraid he was annoying me with his frequent appearances. We shook hands, and he asked the familiar question:
— What's up with the car?
My face changed threefold – the smile came off it. Newt noticed this and became slightly concerned.
— Something very serious, wasn't it?
I just nodded and told him to follow me. Soon we were standing in front of his car, a reliable BMW from the nineties. Nice interior, powerful engine, the works. The hood was open, the center of attention was the unfinished cylinder block. There were strange marks inside each cylinder where the piston went.
I simply told him:
— Run your hand over it.
He looked at me first, then reached his hand inside one of the cylinders and felt the walls.
— How does it feel? – I asked him.
— Like… sandpaper.
— And it's like that all over the block.
He looked back at me sharply, his face a look of confusion and concern.
— You realize it can't be like that. We're gonna have to take the engine off and rebuild it. Not just the block, but the pistons as well.
— So what you’re trying to say is that the engine completely fucked?
— It is.
— That kills my plans, – Newt said with a sigh, tucking his hand into the pocket of his long coat.
— Why's that?
— You said you were going up north with your family for a couple weeks, – Newt said. – Maybe even a month.
— Yes, – I answered, – but not today!
Newt looked at me with a strange look of surprise.
— I'm leaving on Friday, – I explained. – Today is only Tuesday. I'll get my brother and my son to help me – we'll fix your car and only then go up north to visit our loved ones.
— I see. – He held out his hand to me. – Thank you very much.
I shook his hand. He waved goodbye and then disappeared from my sight. Soon, when the rhythm of my heart matched the pulsation of the returning silence, I went outside, lit a cigarette, and looked up at the sky. It was gray and breezy.
«And whenever the wish appears, the will disappears.»
Diary of Newt Garfield, dated October 8, 2026.
He met me around two o'clock in the afternoon.
The place where my place is located doesn't get many visitors (unless it's on holidays, and even then it's not a sure thing – a lot of people just forget they exist), and sometimes I think about just shutting down the business, ditching my newfound friends, and going back to my country.
And that's what I would have done if it weren't for him.
Even though we haven't known each other that long (only a year), we're already thick as thieves. Once we were glued together, we'll never be unglued again. And he came to me one rainy evening – drenched, he asked for a cup of coffee, loudly placing two jsabs on the counter – loudly, almost with a slap, to hide the fact that his hands were shaking from the cold. I ordered and just watched: he gulped down the hot, scalding strong black coffee without sugar, left two more jsabs on the table, and disappeared out of the establishment back into the rain, turning into droplets.
And I figured that was the only time I would ever get to meet a rain man. But I was wrong.
He showed up at my place with weekly regularity, asked for the same thing – a cup of strong black coffee without sugar, always left a tip and disappeared. Between us there was not a single word, and we do not need words – we communicate and understand each other through looks, which could not but please (for several years of existence of my business, with any of the rare clients I have not had to reach such closeness).
And this day was no exception. It was overcast outside the window, I was smoking behind the counter, gradually losing hope that this day would bring anything at all. It was two o'clock in the afternoon. There was a desire to close prematurely, to return home and report to my father, who will once again tell me: fool, why I did not go to the teacher, as he did. The door opens abruptly, and he walks inside with a quick stride. He walks up to the counter, places the prepared two jsabs (a bill of exchange this time, which can't help but make me happy) on the counter. For a moment our gazes meet. I take the bill, and after a couple of minutes I hand him a cup of coffee. He silently drinks it, puts two more jsab (with the bill) on the table and leaves the place.
When he finally disappeared from sight, I left the place. I wanted to take a drag, but the cigarette in my fingers was already rotten. I threw the cigarette butt away and lit a new one. I looked up at the sky. It was even sadder in the blue haze.
«Dirty engine of thought, clean engine of blood. I'm still young, though I've been standing on the ground for half a century.»
Diary of Newt Garfield dated October 8, 2026.
«I couldn't be happier that you are continuing with this therapy, even though you previously thought it wouldn't help you.
During this session, I saw a change in your behavior – you became calmer and more rational. You seem to have started to go along with the darker thoughts of yours.
Your alcoholism is still seen as a problem. I am trying to develop a method that will benefit both of us in our way. All I can say now is that that matter is all about timing now.
As for me – you can be more independent now. You know the recommendations, so I'll take a back seat. You can still visit me, but now it will be optional.
Keep up the good work!»
— Why I have to lie?..
«Sense is being lost with every passing second.»
Diary of Newt Garfield dated October 8, 2026.
Alex A. wakes up at six o'clock in the morning in his house. He gets dressed and goes for a jog, and when he comes back, he takes a shower. When he comes out of the shower, he goes to the kitchen and eats breakfast. Then he'll go back to his room and start working on his next novel. After work, he'll then go out and then go to bed.
And so it has been for the tenth year.
Alex A. is an innovative writer from the cold Russian countryside. Slowly but surely, in Paradise and on the territory of his vast homeland, he released several books, immediately put in the level of cult writers of the northern lands. What set him apart from other authors was his lack of greed and maximum anonymity – no one from outside his circle of friends and acquaintances could get to him, even if they wanted to.
And in that circle of friends, surprisingly small, but honest with him and with himself, Newt found himself. They'd met at some trade show about four months ago-and they still walked shoulder to shoulder.
Alex A. sat in the kitchen, drinking his bitter herbal tea. The phone was lying next to him, and if Alex A. had been a dozen years younger, he would have had a manic desire to take it in his hand and browse the Internet, in order to somehow spend these quiet minutes. However, Alex A. has grown out of this obsession, and now he wants nothing – only calmness, peace. A chance to leave the world and go to his Nirvana.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Alex A. slowly and quietly put the mug on the table. In confusion, he almost grabbed the gun lying nearby. Who it could be was the main question in his mind.
— It's open! – he shouted.
The door opened. Newt appeared from behind it, reflecting the light from his glass eye into Alex A.'s face.
— Oh, it's you, – Alex A. said, unsurprised. – Come in, no need to fuck around at my porch.
Newt shyly stepped inside, took off his shoes, coat, and hat. Walked into the kitchen, sat down next to him, said hello to the writer by the hand. They started talking.
And they talked for a short time, but it felt like hours. They talked about everything that came under the hand of consciousness. The living room and kitchen became brighter. The tea cooled slightly.
Words were lost, and so was the meaning. An unbearable lightness of being. The cautious hand of consciousness pored over the options for continuation. Neural connections succumbed to the pulsing rhythm of music played through a non-existent turntable. Quietly becoming insane.
Thank goodness it all stopped quickly. Newt, under the pretext «I have to go, I have other things to do», promptly got up from his chair, walked out into the hallway. Alex slowly followed him and noticed him putting on his hat.
— Ah, answer me one last question, – Newt said, with a smug smile. – Your girlfriend's coochie – is it really candy-sweet?
Alex A. stood with a nonchalant expression on his face. It was like he knew Newt was going to say that.
— It's funny, it's really funny, – he said sarcastically and absentmindedly. – You know what's funnier, though?
— What? – Newt asked.
— You're almost half a century old and you can't put your fucking past behind you.
Newt stood up in exasperation. The phrase, said with almost no emotion, echoed inside his skull. Alex A. snapped his fingers and said as he walked away:
— Now that's really funny.
«White king, black queen. The illusory utopia of our lives.»
Diary of Newt Garfield dated October 8, 2026.
After watching the play, the Captain said goodbye to Helinia and went home. He didn't feel bad, but he didn't feel good either. It wasn't that the actors, the sets, the soundtrack, or the whole show in general had failed his expectations – he was just tired, and so he couldn't react normally to this theatrical beauty that Helinia had encouraged him to see.
Looking around, he saw nothing but buildings, as if fluorescent-lit, and street lamps that scared him away with their light. The captain wrapped himself in his uniform and quickened his step. He was uncomfortable with the light of these lamps and even more so with the fluorescent lights that surrounded the buildings as if they were divine beings.
It reminded him of a fairy tale he had heard a long time ago. The tale of the sailor who met the sea serpent. The tale of the sailor who went mad in the lonely and identical sea. A tale that hid a creepiness under the cover of simple words and wrong truths. I was a sailor for nothing, the Captain sometimes thought, inside the walls of his apartment.
Suddenly, stopping, he noticed that he was in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Where the houses were taller than anything else in the world. Where there wasn't even a moon, and where the clouds pressed down on consciousness with a rabid, armed hammer. Consciousness, like the Captain, began to get lost among these high-rises, began to imagine some creatures existing beyond the boundaries of vision. Turn around and there stands Death, faithful to us all.
But suddenly he noticed a dim luminescent glow in the sky, which surrounded one of the black buildings with a halo. With shaky hands he pulled out his phone and turned on his flashlight, the Captain moved quickly, almost running, toward the building. The cars around seemed to be deformed creatures of metallic flesh and mechanical existence. When he reached the heavy metal door of this high-rise, the Captain noticed the sign: 14/2 Manserrate St. Right now he was standing at the foot of the high-rise where his alcoholic friend lived.
With ease in mind and body, the captain opened the heavy door, stepped inside. The stomp of his boots echoed throughout the stairwell. Climbing the three steps up, he walked to the elevator. There was duct tape on the doors and a sign that said: «NON-FUNCTIONAL». Disappointed by this fact, the Captain sighed and began to climb up the stairs.
Soon, Captain made his way up to the seventh floor, where Newt's apartment was located. He rested his hand on the railing, exhaled, and looked through the gap between the flights. The distance was vast. The captain, removing his hand from the railing to his coat pocket, looked around the doors, searching for the right one. Finding one, he approached, knocked politely. Silence – drinking, Captain thought, and glanced at the knob, which meant the door was not closed. He pushed the doorknob and stepped inside.
The apartment was quiet and dark. As his vision slowly adjusted to the darkness, Captain took off his shoes and carefully left them right by the door. He looked into the living room – no one was there, only the unshaded windows allowed him to see the deep dark blue color of the evening sky. He went into the kitchen and found Newt staring dumbly at his kitchen table, where there was an empty glass and a bottle of brandy. The captain sat down beside him, put his hand on the table and, looking at his drunken friend for a moment, said:
— This is the tenth year we have lived here. It's been about fourteen since her death and his disappearance. You've grown up, found a decent hobby that can pay for your needs, are among good and loyal friends. Yet you continue to brood over the past.
The captain took the bottle of cognac, examined the labels on both sides, stood up and put it back in the refrigerator.
— And we, – Captain continued, sighing, – are trying to get you out of this… self-assembled hell.
Captain returned to his seat. He moved closer to Newt, placing his one hand on the other.
— We don't care that you don't think anything will work. We don't care about your pleas to leave you alone. You're in a big delusion if you think alcoholism will solve your problems. Even if there is the tiniest chance of freedom, we will go after it. We'll try, we'll make mistakes and start over, but we'll fight to the end.
Newt continued to stare dumbly into his desk. He wasn't listening. He couldn't listen. All sound was drowned out by the churning of blood and the sounds of electrons transferring across neural connections. Captain lowered his gaze for a moment, thinking about what to say next, but soon came to the conclusion that everything necessary had been said. He stood up, and before he left, he reached into his pocket and said:
— Some stranger handed me this letter. – Captain took out a sealed flat envelope. Says it's addressed to you. Read it tomorrow and tell me what's in it.
Captain left the letter on the table, rubbed Newt's shoulder, and, after glancing at him for the last time today, left the apartment.
«Newt.
I don't know if this letter will get to you or not, and I don't know if you'll read it….
…But if it does, if you're reading it, know that your son is alive…»
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Born to Be My Baby - Is She for Real? Part 15
Rating: Explicit Warnings: No warnings Category: M/M Relationship: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Original Female Character Tags for this chapter: Domestic fluff, lemons
Author notes: Last chapter! I can't believe it! It's so hard for me to let go of this story, but now it has been told. Tears have been shed. Worry not, this is not yet the end for Billy, Steve and Emma, there will be more 💜💜💜
Chapter index for tumblr posts >>
Read on AO3 >>
Summary: Steve comes home from yet another work trip.
::::::::::
The TV in the living room was showing some old movie on the early morning hours.
"Hi babe," Steve said quietly from the living room door. He smiled, when he realized that Billy had fallen asleep on the couch while waiting for him to come home from yet another work trip.
He took off his jacket and shoes, and walked to the TV, and closed it. The he headed to the couch and sat next to Billy, gently brushing his cheek with the back of his fingers. "Hey, babe, I'm home."
Billy opened his eyes slowly, and after blinking few times he smiled. "Hey. I missed you."
"Me too, firecracker," Steve said and took Billy's hand intertwining their fingers, and kissed Billy's knuckles.
"How was it?" Billy asked sleepily.
"I've had meeting after meeting for the last two weeks from eight in the morning up until eight in the evening. And I've probably earned 10,000 miles worth of travel points. Don't recommend any of it really. But anything for you and firefly," Steve said, and brushed Billy's hand with his lips.
"Well, you're home now," Billy said leaning his head on Steve's shoulder and letting out a content sigh. "Unfortunately I can't guarantee full night's sleep in this house but at least you don't have to work for a few days."
"Emma's not sleeping?"
"It's night to night basis. One night she does, then who knows how many following ones no. I think she's teething. I took her to a doctor, and they said that we have one healthy 6 month old girl, nothing unusual."
"Delights of having a kid."
Billy looked up at Steve and smiled. "I don't mind. I got what I asked for. I got what I wanted, babe, and I got it with you."
"I missed you two like hell. But I have something for you that might make keeping in touch a bit easier," Steve said getting up and fetching something from his bag in the hall.
"What's this?" Billy asked when Steve handed him a brick size box wrapped in simple brown paper.
"I'm sorry the place where I got it from didn't have any nice wrapping paper. Open it, and you'll see."
Billy opened it. He smiled, and had to turn his head away letting out a sniffle, and wiping his eyes.
"Firecracker, it's a good thing," Steve chuckled. "Now you can call me whenever you want."
"This thing cost you a fortune. Not to mention what the calls cost..."
"Billy," Steve said, turning Billy gently from his chin to look at him. "It's worth every cent." Steve took the bulky phone from Billy. "Look, they even set it up for you. My mobile number is on speed dial number one. The landline here at home is number two. Max is on number three. And my mom is number four. You can set it other way if you like, there are instructions in the box. And add Caroline from the other side of the road and other neighbours you like, and guys from the shop..."
Billy leaned to Steve. "I love you, babe. So much."
Steve melted into the kiss. "I love you too, babe."
"I also missed you like crazy," Billy whispered. He set the phone on the coffee table, got up and straddled on Steve's lap kissing him properly.
"All I could think about was you in bed. Every single night," Steve whispered into Billy's mouth in the middle of it. "Jesus Christ, I didn't remember how much I could miss you."
"That's good. Because this daddy is horny as fuck."
"Oh, is he?" Steve took a deep breath. "Maybe that is something that can be taken care of," he said. "Because this daddy needs some pretty ass right about now."
They got up into the bedroom kissing and undressing each other on the way.
"Fuck me," Billy gasped into Steve's mouth when they got to the bedroom.
"I intend to. Hard," Steve replied and took the lube from the drawer of the nightstand, and as he spread it on himself he watched Billy getting on all fours on the bed in front of him.
Billy stretched by leaning his head down on the mattress, arms straight in front of him, like a cat.
"Stay down there," Steve said, as he got very aroused of seeing Billy's ass high in the air, ready and willing.
"You like?" Billy cooed.
"I do, very much," Steve said as he pulled Billy back on the edge of the mattress, and pushed himself inside him, not wasting time on pleasantries.
"Oh god, the lube's cold," Billy gasped, but pressed himself against Steve.
Steve leaned down on Billy, and grabbed his neck, pinning him against the mattress, and making him gasp out of pleasure from the rough handling.
"What have we talked about making noises while fucking?" Steve asked quietly through his teeth. ”We don't want to wake our little girl up, do we?”
"No, we don't... want to wake... her up," Billy whimpered as Steve pounded in him. "I've missed your cock so much," he couldn't help but to continue.
"Yeah, I think I should go on longer trips just for having you waiting me back by the door dripping wet like this," Steve couldn't keep himself from replying.
And that's when Emma started crying.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Billy let out frustrated. "Daddy is just getting laid after a dry season and now you baby do this to me," he groaned into the mattress.
Steve pulled out and sat on the side of the bed. "I can go."
"No," Billy sighed getting up and put on his sweatpants and t-shirt from the chair next to the bed. "I go. You, stay," he pointed Steve with his finger and gave him a quick kiss. "I want that cock ready for me when I come back."
"Yes, sir," Steve said grinning.
"Yes, little bird, daddy is here," Billy cooed at Emma, who was crying red faced, and lifted her from the crib to his arms, and walked around the room with her for a while, quietly humming a lullaby. When it didn't do what he hoped, he walked out the room. "Ugh. You already ate your evening snack but if you're hungry we can go and make you some more. Yes, I hope you're just hungry and not hurting, and no alarming smells anywhere," he kept talking to her.
"Steve, just go to sleep if you..." Billy started as he passed their bedroom door, but Steve was already standing at the doorway, waiting, wearing an old college and sweatpants.
"No, I'll come down with two of my favourite people in the world," he said wrapping his arms around Billy's waist, hugging him from behind, and they walked like that downstairs, both giggling even though Emma was still whining on Billy's arms.
When they got to the kitchen, Billy gave Emma to Steve and started rummaging the fridge. "Ah, it's so much easier to do stuff when I don't have to hold her at the same time," he said and took out the formula and started to make Emma some extra night snack. "If I ever lay her down in to the seater when she wakes up at night she just screams. This whining is more bearable. Do you want something to eat, babe?"
Steve looked at Billy with a knowing smile, then turned back to look at Emma on his arm. "There's something I sure would like to eat right now but I'm been blocked from that by firefly here,"
"You'll get that bite to eat most definitely over the weekend, I promise," Billy laughed. "But I meant actual food. A sandwich?" he asked, and was already setting butter and cold cuts on the counter while Emma's bottle warmed up in the micro. He made a sandwich, set it on a plate, and put it in front of Steve.
"When you put it like that, sure," Steve said smiling and took the sandwich, sinking his teeth in it.
When the micro dinged, Billy took the bottle out, and offered it to Steve. "Wanna feed her? I know it's a hard choice between your own food and your child," he grinned.
"Give me the bottle," Steve said, mock-annoyed. ”Of course I want to feed my girl.”
"Hey firefly, does this make you feel any better?" he said to Emma and offered her the bottle.
First she squirmed and whined refusing to take it. When she realised what was in it though, she changed her mind and started eating happily.
Billy watched Steve with Emma, both totally caught in the simple act of feeding. He would never get tired at Steve being like that, wanting to participate as much as he can even though he just returned from a trip that had kept him working his ass off literally for weeks. The man should've been sleeping, yet here he was, awake, and feeding his daughter.
Billy was so madly in love with Steve even after all these years, and moments like these just made the feelings deeper. He had what he had wanted, a family of his own, and he loved every single moment of it.
#harringrove#harringrove fanfiction#billy hargrove#steve harrington#billy hargrove redemption#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#is she for real#suometar writes#lemons
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Insomnia/Tears
2/26/24
Insomnia has been a bitch for the past few weeks. It's been at its worst this past week though. The least I've slept is probably four hours. The most I've slept is probably seven, but with that, I'm not falling asleep until four or five in the morning, meaning I'm waking up sometime between ten and eleven right before lunch. And that means I'm only eating twice a day.
Mostly I've been keeping myself distracted by reading when sleep escapes me, but I'm almost out of books. I think I have maybe two left now? Other times I've been writing, but as that is something I do during the day to pass the time, it doesn't do as much for me.
Tonight or today I guess it's three in the morning as I write this, I got in my head again. Mostly anger and loneliness rearing their heads. Maybe a bit of despair as well. I'm honestly tempted to take my meds again. They were only for anxiety and they didn't work all that well when it came to that, but at least while I was taking them I wasn't crying every other night.
Truthfully I'm writing this to try and keep myself distracted from the endless cycle of internalized self deprivation. At least with this, I can occupy myself with trying to keep track of typing and hitting the wright keys in the dark.
I have a to do list that I made in January. I started on it then when I came back from dad's and I haven't touched it since. I don't even know what's on it anymore. So I need to take care of all of that. I know doing my laundry is on there. I also need to talk to my parents and schedule my wisdom teeth removal. I should have had them taken care of years ago. Its at the point now where if their in for maybe... four more months I might have serious damage. I'm starting to feel weird jaw shit now too, so it definitely needs to happen as soon as possible, probably next month.
Another thing that needs to happen is my acquisition of a job. I don't know when my taxes are due for my car but I now it's some time within the next two-three months. I'm starting to stress about it. I need to set up an eBay account so I can sell some of my old action figures. Some of them are actually worth money even out of the box. I also need to finish up my mushroom hat project so that I can finish my earring project. I never should have started the mushroom hat without finishing the earrings but I got excited. The mushroom hat is a personal thing, but at least with the earrings I can make money.
I want to look into trying to get a savings account that my mom can't see. Both her and my dad have access to my bank account because they have passed money to each other through it before. I really want to remove mom's access but I have no idea how. She looks at it some times and asks me questions about it all nosy and judgmental like: "Did you get Starbucks again?" No. That shouldn't even be listed I literally bought that with a gift card. I think I'm scared she's going to seal from me? I've said it before but she is shit at managing money. I'm worried that once I get a job, she'll start skimming from my funds.
I already owe her money for the college classes I dropped out of. Who knows how much I'll have to contribute to rent. To taxes. I've been measuring my money in how much a week worth of personal groceries costs me. I've been forgetting about personal necessities because of that. Really, all of this scares me. At this rate everything scares me. So much for stopping tears. I'm crying again. I just woke up the cat from blowing my nose.
Speaking of the cat, I definitely have PTSD after Sabi. At the end of his life he had a mass in his gut as well as/caused by organ/intestine deterioration. His stomach would gurgle almost constantly. Hearing that with him was comforting because I knew it meant he was still alive. Nibi's stomach has been making gurgling noises too now. I think it only happens after she uses the litter box or eats. It freaks me the fuck out though because every time I hear it, I think there's something wrong and that she's going to end up in the same spot Sabi was in. My mom's cat is a whole other thing/mess. Ari's at the point where I think it's kinder to let her go, but mom doesn't listen. When she does it goes back to money.
Why does everything circle back to money? What dumbass came up with the brilliant idea of everything revolving around money. Who the fuck needs to revolve around the sun? We can use paper bills and tiny little coins that some random people somewhere will collect.
Nibi just came back from wherever she went. I'm going to keep an ear out for her tummy and hope for the best. Maybe I'll be able to get four to seven shitty hours of sleep now.
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it would feel so silly if it wasn't so frustrating and like. kinda life ruining lol. i spent years taking care of myself and everyone around me and now that i don't solely bear the responsibility of making sure me and four others can even keep a roof over our heads next month im like haha actually i can't do anything anymore. can't. can't keep my room clean. can't go grocery shopping. can't cook anymore. can't draw. can't write. can't do all the things i would do regularly when i was in. well. hell. now that im the only person i need to care for and the people around me treat me like a human it's like those tasks have all become ten million times harder and i don't get it i was doing so much before when everything was so much worse for me and now it's like i just have absolutely nothing to give not even to myself. the idea of taking out my drawing tablet is just so insurmountable. every word i try put down is the wrong one. what's the point in grabbing that shirt off the floor, im just gonna toss another one there tomorrow. how am i supposed to have something in the house to make and then make it and then eat it every day when rotting in bed and starving is just so, so much easier. ive lost so much weight. every time my belt gets a notch tighter i grimace with a sick sort of disgusted pride. im a bystander watching myself kill me and refusing to step in to help. i shouldn't need a babysitter, making sure im fed and getting enough sleep. i know how to take care of myself! ive fucking done this before!! for years!!! i just need to get these fucking worms out of my goddamn head. they're eating the competent, functioning parts of my brain and leaving just the inept, the incapable, the fucking stupid parts. the parts that refuse to ask for or accept help. the parts that leave me paralyzed by [???] i truly don't even know what. the parts that refuse any ounce of human connection because what if it burns me to the same degree it always has, it took me touching that hot pan for years to learn to take my hands off but even now that there is no flame or heat im still too timid to even sit in the same room as it. it leaves me with such a vast aching loneliness that i am the only person that can pull myself out of but i can't and won't because it's just so fucking hard when you've never had even a single person stick around for more than, like, literally three years. they always, always leave. you'll leave too. so i guess id rather pretend i am fine like this because fake it till you make it, right? maybe if i say im choosing this to get better i can convince myself of that. and it's definitely not just a new form of self harm, the intentionally isolating and refusing to let anyone in because god forbid they see how im actually doing. the horror of someone seeing me as anything but perfectly presentable when needed, perfectly put away-able when you're done. the idea that i might have needs or wants or desires. even i don't want to hear that shit. who the fuck would. maybe if i am quiet and good at keeping it behind closed doors people will stop leaving so soon. i am just so fucking frustrated with myself. i don't know what is so wrong with me that causes everyone to run, even my own family. i don't know why i watch myself self-sabotage every day and beg and plead with myself to stop! fucking doing that!! but i just won't for some reason!!! i don't know what's fucking wrong with me why can't i just act fucking normal!!!!!!!
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𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 - 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝐿𝑒𝑒
pairing: Mark Lee x reader
special guest: Jaehyun, Johnny, Yuta, Jungwoo, Taeyong, Doyoung, mention of Haechan
summary: Years ago, you were deeply in love with Mark Lee. He’s your first love and you thought he’d be the last. After finding out why he really dated you, he broke up with you and vanished. You were devastated and heartbroken. Now you were at the airport as the maid of honor of your best friend Aera, her wedding’s in Greece and you were flying three days earlier with her, her fiancé Jaehyun and his best man. Little did you know that Mark Lee was Jaehyun’s best man. Feelings you thought you had buried deep inside bloomed again.
song: back to you - Selena Gomez
genre: exes-to-lovers!au, angst, smut, fluff
warnings: smut, alcohol consumption, swearing
word count: 11.7k
A/N: I’m finally done. This is the last fic of my series and I can’t believe that i’m done with this series. This series means so much to me, not only because I love Selena Gomez, but also because of the meaning behind evey story. Thank you for all of your support, thank you for every comment, like, reblog, ask and follow. This is just the beginning. Also thank you for requesting that you want to read a second part to some of my stories, I’ll try to write them in the upcoming month, march. I hope you enjoy. Thanx
taglist: @alex-chann, @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi
© tyongxnct on all platforms
Took you like a shot
Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening
Let a couple years water down how I'm feeling about you
And every time we talk
Every single word builds up to this moment
And I gotta convince myself
I don't want it even though I do
“I have BIG news!” Aera squealed as soon as you opened the door for her. She hugged you tightly and started jumping, you jumped with her even though you had no idea why.
“Why are we jumping around?”
“Greece! I’m getting married in Greece!” she yelled happily, “You know that it’s my dream to get married in Greece and my amazing soon-to-be-husband surprised me with it! Oh god, I can’t believe I’m marrying Jaehyun in fucking GREECE!”
“Holy shit that’s great! But can we stop jumping I might puke.”
You sat down on your couch with Aera, “We need to start planning, the wedding is in 3 weeks. I’ve sent the invitations right before I came here. We booked a hotel with the best view ever and my wonderful maid of honor aka you are flying with me and Jaehyun a two days earlier, you know, to get stuff done and the others come one day before the wedding, your man too, by the way. I can’t wait for my bachelorette party- but remember, I promised Jaehyun no strippers.” Her eyes sparkled as she talked about her wedding and you started thinking about your own future.
Were you ever going to get married? You want to get married, you really do. But what if you never get the chance to? Your boyfriend hated to talk about commitment and marriage, he said living together and dating was enough, but you never felt the same way. You wanted to get married, you want a ring on your finger, and you wanted to call him your husband, not your boyfriend.
Aera left after a while and you were alone, until you heard the door open with a sigh. “I’m home.”
His voice, no, his existence alone triggered you and without knowing you plugged in your earphones. “I said I’m home Y/n. There she fucking goes again, god I’m not going to deal with you tonight.” And without saying anything after that, he left again. Minho, your boyfriend of two and half years, always left you alone. He never bothered to talk to you about the problems in your relationship and after trying and trying, you were sick of it.
Dating him was almost torture but breaking up with him was also difficult. You were so scared of being alone, of not being loved.
Almost three weeks later, you found yourself at the airport with Jaehyun and Aera. Jaehyun looked at his watch every two minutes and he looked really nervous too. “Where the fuck is he?” he mumbled and Aera kicked his leg. “Ouch?” he hissed in pain. “Sorry baby didn’t mean to kick you that hard.”
“What is going on here? Who are we waiting for?” you asked confused. “You didn’t tell her?” Jaehyun asked his fiancée. Aera shook her head.
“W-Well about that- uhm, there’s one thing I have to tell you, but don’t get too mad,” Aera looked at you nervously, “you, uhm… you remember Mark Lee, right? Please forgive me for not telling you, but- fuck, he’s Jaehyun’s best man. He’s coming with us.” Aera closed her eyes, scared of your reaction.
“You are joking right?” your heart pounded against your chest.
“N-No, I really didn’t know that you didn’t know- a-and you know, Mark’s my oldest friend and yeah, and uhm, fuck he’s coming act natural.” Jaehyun looked at his phone and laughed, even though his screen was dark and Aera laughed with him.
“How the fuck am I supposed to act natural?!” you almost yelled bus as soon as you heard Mark’s little hi, your heart stopped beating.
It’s been almost three years since you heard his voice. Every memory played in your mind like a sad movie, the second he asked you to be his girlfriend to the end of your relationship with him, the moment he broke your heart almost made you cry again, but Aera stepped on your foot and you came back to reality.
“Hi.” You said coldly, his last word replaying in your head over and over again.
Aera and Jaehyun watched you and Mark awkwardly and Mark couldn’t find any words to say, except for, “H-hi.”
“Sooo, now that everyone’s here,” Jaehyun handed you your tickets. “Thanks.” Mark mumbled.
You were about to go on board, you didn’t say a word since Mark came and he was busy talking to Aera and Jaehyun. “Y/n, we’ll see you guys when we land alright?”
“What do you mean?” you asked confused, “We sit together? Right?”
“W-Well about that- we are flying first class, we wanted to spoil ourselves a little- please don’t get angry I’m sorry I am so sorry.” Aera whispered and you felt like you could explode any second like a volcano.
“Y-You mean… you’re telling me I have to sit with him for the next couple hours?! All alone?!” you tried to whisper but it was loud enough for Jaehyun and Mark to hear.
“shh! Just, I don’t know, sleep, or watch a movie or maybe just talk to him like a grown up, please do it for me?” she pouted.
“I’m gonna be wasted when we arrive in Greece.” You couldn’t be angry at her. “As long as you don’t kill him.”
Jaehyun and Aera entered the plane first and left you and Mark alone. “So, how have you been?”
The audacity.
“Good.” You mumbled. How long until you could enter that fucking plane?
“Me too, well, I’d say ok-“
“Look, Mark. I’m doing this for our friends, okay? I’m not interested in your life. I don’t want to talk to you unless it’s about the wedding. Did I make myself clear?” maybe you were mean and bitchy, but after everything he had done to you, you didn’t care.
He just nodded and looked down to his feet.
Half an hour later, you were seated on the plane right next to Mark. It’s not your first time flying, but it was Mark’s first time, and he was fucking scared.
“This is captain Lee Taeyong speaking, I’m your pilot for our flight to Mykonos, Greece. My co-pilot for today is Kim Doyoung. Please enjoy your flight.”
After the announcement and the instructions, you were ready to go.
The plane started moving and you could feel Mark tensing up next to you. His grip on the hand rest tightened and his knuckles turned white.
You tried so hard to ignore him, but you couldn’t. You should laugh at him, take pictures of his suffering- but you held his hand and assured it him that it’ll be over.
Mark looked at you and then back at your hands. Your thumb slowly stroked his hand and he stopped thinking about the plane and he could only think about your hand holding his.
You held his hand until you saw the flight attendant walk around.
Mark thanked you but you ignored him.
“Hello, would you like to have some water or coffee?” the flight attendant asked you and Mark.
“Just a water please.” Mark said.
“Do you have something stronger? Wine? Or champagne?”
“Sure ma’am.”
“Alright I’d like to have some champagne.” You smiled and she nodded.
Mark looked at you, eyes a little wide.
Four glasses later, you were a little tipsy.
“I think you had enough-“ Mark tried to stop you from ordering another glass.
“You don’t know anything about me!” you protested.
“Y/n, get some sleep come on-“
“Mind your own business.” You plugged in your Airpods and ignored him. You didn’t want him to interact with you and If you have to stop drinking for him to shut up, you sadly had to.
You closed your eyes and leaned back. You didn’t notice Mark’s eyes on you, watching your pretty features as your chest raised with every breath you took.
Shortly after, you fell asleep.
You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward but it's true
Three years ago
“It was a game. I won and now it’s over.” Mark said coldly as he looked away.
“What do you mean a game? And what is over? Mark, babe, I don’t understand.” Maybe you knew, maybe you tried to hide the fact that you saw it coming. Your relationship was too good to be true.
“I told my friends that I could fuck you within a year, and I did. We’ve been dating for ten months. I won. I can’t believe I waited ten months to fuck you.” He said casually.
“What?”
“Are you deaf? I fucked you and I got a lot of cash in exchange. Now we’re over. As simple as that.”
“You’re joking? Right? You love me, Mark. We love each other. It’s not funny.” Your voice broke.
“I’m not fucking joking,” he showed you the money he got, “Now, please get the fuck out of my apartment. Oh, and take your toothbrush with you.”
You were crying and that annoyed him. “Why are you fucking crying?!”
“M-Mark please don’t do this- I love you. I have never loved anyone like I love you. P-Please tell me you’re lying.” You sobbed.
“You know what, I’m leaving. Leave before I come back.”
Mark didn’t want to leave, but watching you cry and sob hurt him, he would never admit that to you but deep down, he felt something for you. Mark thought ending things with you was better than walking on eggshells. It was a matter of time until you would find out. He didn’t want to risk you finding out from someone else. The least he could do was tell you, face to face.
You loved him, you really loved him so much. He was a perfect boyfriend. There was not a single day you doubt him or your relationship. It hurt, you first ever heartbreak and you didn’t know how to handle the pain.
I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
After your breakup with Mark, you felt your life slowly falling apart. You were barely present in class and you stopped interacting with your friends. You drowned in self-pity and you fell deeper and deeper. Only Aera was there for you. After so many years of friendship, she always got your back.
“Is the pain ever going to stop?” you asked her between sobs.
“Honey, it’ll take a while, but I promise you, it’ll stop.”
Aera and Jaehyun were dating since first year of college and he told you that he had no idea about his oldest friend’s plan. Jaehyun was happy to see his friend happy- because was happy whenever he was with you. You went on double dates and spent so much time together, Jaehyun really thought that you and Mark were going to end up together.
“I swear I didn’t know. His other friends- that Haechan guy and the others were with him. He never told me because he know that we’re friends.”
“It’s okay, Jae. You’re not as childish as they’re. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”
And Jaehyun and Aera never left your side until college was over. During your time thinking about life and finishing college, you met Minho, your current boyfriend. You started dating and you thought he’d help you get over Mark, but he only made you feel worse.
He was a fuckboy, he fucked anyone with tits, and even though you knew it, you still agreed to date him.
Multiple fights and breakups followed, and you always end up at Aera’s or Minho would leave for a couple days.
Whenever you were lonely, and it was the case most of time, you thought about Mark. You missed him, his lips, his touches, the way he laughed and his silly jokes. You missed the way he said I love you and how warm and loved you felt with him.
No matter how hard Mark hurt you, you didn’t regret falling in love with him. You’d do it again and again.
We never got it right
Playing and replaying old conversations
Overthinking every word and I hate it
'Cause it's not me
And what's the point in hiding
Everybody knows we got unfinished business
And I'll regret it if I didn't say this isn't what it could be
Two days until the wedding
Mark shook you softly and tried to wake you up. “Hey, Y/n. We’re here. Wake up.”
“Just a little longer Markie.” You mumbled in your sleep as you held his hand. When you landed, Mark got scared again and just held your hand without asking you. You were asleep after all.
Mark’s heart was about to explode. He blushed at the nickname. You used to call him Markie every time you were sleepy or acting like a baby to get his attention.
And every fucking time he fell for it and his heart softened. “Okay baby.” This time Mark stroked your hand with his thumb.
About three minutes later, the flight attendant came to wake her. “Sir, ma’am. You need to leave the plane. We landed almost ten minutes ago.”
You slowly woke up and stretched your arms. “What? Oh, sorry.” You stood up, a little too fast. Everything was spinning, Mark held your waist and you fell on his lap.
“Are you sure we landed? Everything’s spinning around.” You held your head, not noticing that you were on Mark’s lap. “Y/n, uhm, could you stand up? But do it slowly this time!” he still held your waist. “What? Oh, shit, sorry.” You stood up, a little slower this time.
“Y/n! Mark! What took you so long? What the hell?” Aera looked strictly but as she saw Mark’s arm around your waist she softened. “S-she’s a little tipsy.” Mark said, cheeks red.
“Of course, she is.”
“Am not! Oh my god, the weather is so good!” your eyes were slightly open but as soon as you saw the sea and the beautiful architecture your smiled brightly. You pushed Mark’s arm off and started unbuttoning your shirt.
Mark’s eyes widened, and Jaehyun turned around, he didn’t want to watch you take off your clothes. Aera’s mouth fell open and Mark kept on watching you. Your tank top under your shirt rose a little and Mark’s eyes travelled to your soft skin. You put your shirt in your handbag and took out your sunglasses.
Mark’s eyes never left your body, his eyes going up to your breasts. He needs to get away from you or he’ll lose his mind.
“You can turn back baby, she’s wearing something underneath.”
“J-Jaehyun maybe we should… you know.” Mark locked eyes with Jaehyun.
“What you mean Mark?” Jaehyun asked cluelessly.
“A car, you know, for the hotel.”
“Oh yeah right. Ladies, don’t move away, we’ll go rent a car.” Jaehyun kissed Aera and then they left.
“I’m going to kill him.” You breathed out after Mark left. “You won’t.” Aera posed next to you as you took selfies together. “I will. I hate him. He acts like nothing happened, like, like he never broke my heart. As if we’re old friends or shit like that.”
“He acts totally shy around you. I think you intimidate him. Did you see how he watched you when you took off your shirt? That idiot was and is so into you.” Aera always thought that Mark loved you, no matter what he did. You don’t date someone for months just for 50 bucks. “He’s a man. As soon as they see tits, they’re on their knees.” You laughed.
“Well, maybe you should let him kneel for you a little longer. I guess he’s into that.” She giggled.
“I can’t believe that you just said that.” You closed your eyes. “Well, Jaehyun’s into that.”
“Jaehyun’s into what?” Jaehyun asked as he heard his name. “Into me of course.”
“That’s why I’m marrying you.” He pulled her in for a kiss- a very steamy and hot kiss. “Hello? Keep it PG-13 please.” You looked at them with disgust in your eyes. Mark awkwardly coughed next to you. “The car is ready.”
You were in the backseat with Mark, he was a little close for your liking. “Your leg is touching mine.” You said. “And?” he asked.
“I don’t like it.”
“Sounds like a you problem.” He said back. “Excuse me?” you said in disbelief.
Jaehyun and Aera locked eyes for a second.
Aera turned the radio louder and it was your song.
“Y/n! Isn’t that your favorite song?!” she yelled through the music. Mark glanced at you. He remembered the song. You had your first kiss with Mark, and that song was playing in the background. You were in his car, just like right now, in the backseat.
“No. It’s not.” You said as you looked out.
“What? But it’s in your Spotify playlist. What was it called? Fav songs? Best songs? His songs? My songs?” she kept on asking and you couldn’t take it anymore. “’Our songs’ but I deleted that because that playlist was stupid. Now, please. Change that songs.”
Mark smiled to himself. You still had the playlist called our songs? Mark and you created that playlist when you were dating and you always listened to it, over thousand times and it never got boring.
“Fine.” She sighed. “No! Don’t change that song. I-it is my favorite song.” Mark said and you looked at him with furrowed brows.
“Okay.”
“Change it.” You demanded.
“Don’t.” Mark was looking at you too. “Aera, change the song.” You said through gritted teeth.
“Aera I’ll jump out of the car If you change it.” Mark threatened.
“He won, Y/n, sorry. He threatened with his life.”
You didn’t say anything because the song changed. You looked back to your phone, ignoring Mark.
“We’re here.” Jaehyun parked the car and you mouth fell open. The hotel looked stunning. “Holy shit. This place is fucking gorgeous.” Aera said happily. “Only the best for my fiancée.” Jaehyun was fucking cheesy but Aera loved it.
The hotel was not exactly like a hotel. It was more like little white house’s next to each other with a pool and a perfect view. The house was bigger than you thought, many guest rooms, a big room for the couple and a very big room for you and Mark, at the end of the hallway, far away from Jaehyun and Aera’s room.
“If you excuse us for a while, we have things to discuss in our room,” Jaehyun said as he winked at Aera. “But we’ll get dinner together. Don’t go too far, stay in your rooms or go swimming we don’t really care just leave us alone for an hour-“ Aera kicked his leg again. “or three.”
After unpacking your stuff, you decided to go to the pool. You changed to your black two-piece swimsuit and left your room and at the same time Mark opened his door and left his room. He was in his swim trunks and he stopped his movements as soon as he saw you leaving your room.
Mark tried to hide his gaze on your body, but he was quite obvious. “Stop staring.”
“I-I’m not staring.” He looked away.
“Sure.” You made your way outside, to the pool. It was extremely hot, you put your towel on the beach chair next to the pool and sat down, ready to put on some sunscreen. Mark entered the porch and looked at you. You put sunscreen on your legs and didn’t break the eye contact.
You wanted to tease him, provoke him so you put on a show. You slowly pulled the straps of your swimsuit down and slowly put the sunscreen on your neck and shoulders until you reached the upper part of your breasts. You didn’t need to look at Mark, you felt his eyes on your as he put his stuff down next to you.
“Mark?”
“Y-Yes?” he stuttered, his focus on your breasts.
“Could you help me? I can’t reach my back.” You said innocently.
Mark gulped, “Y-yeah I can, uhm, I can do that for you.”
Mark wasn’t the only one watching. You watched him too. You watched him take off his shirt and you couldn’t look away. He looked hot, hotter than before. Did he start working out? He caught you watching him and smirked at you. You threw the sunscreen to him and turned around. You untied the bikini bra but held it against your breasts.
He squeezed a little on his hand and slowly put it on your lower back, slowly massaging it into your skin. You didn’t know If his hands were cold or If the sunscreen was cold, but after he touched you, your entire body shivered. You got goosebumps, you even felt your nipples harden.
“Yes Mark, just like that.” You teased him again.
“Feels good?”
“Mhm…” you moaned.
His face was close to yours, you could feel his breathe against your neck. His hands slowly travelled down, slightly about your ass. “Hands up, Mark.” You pushed his hands up again, you wouldn’t let him touch your ass.
You leaned back, your head was resting on Mark’s shoulder. You were sitting between his legs and you grabbed his thigh after he put a little bit pressure on your back. You weren’t going to lie- it really felt good. Your muscles relaxed, you closed your eyes and just let him touch you.
“You want me to go harder?” he whispered in your ear. “Yes, please go harder on me.” And he did. You squeezed his thigh, your hand travelled higher and higher, “Fuck.” He mumbled under his breath and when you stopped, you moved forwards. “That’s enough.”
You tied your bikini bra back up and turned to him. He quickly tried to hide his bulge with a towel. “Are you perhaps turned-on Mark?” you mocked him.
“Your nipples are hard. I guess you are turned-on.”
He was right. You were turned on and your nipples were hard. “No, I’m not. Why would that turn me on? My nipples are hard b-because it’s cold. And stop looking you pervert!” you crossed your arms in front of you and made your way to the pool.
“Cold my ass.” He mumbled.
You slowly entered the pool, step by step. The temperature was good, you hoped your nipples would calm down. You watched Mark enter the pool, he was on the other side looking at you.
“This is my side and that is yours. Stay on your side and don’t bother me.” You told him strictly. Mark nodded and watched you. You just stared at each other and then Mark dove into the water. He swam towards you and when he got out, he was right in front of you, face, and hair wet. Chest rising and falling, eyes on you. Mark was really close, like, really close. You could feel the bulge against your thigh.
“What are you doing?” you asked.
“Swimming.” He caged you in his arms and pushed your body softly against the wall. He looked at you and the beautiful view of Greece and the ocean he had.
“Swim on your side of the pool.” He was annoying you so much.
“I have a better view from here.” Mark said as he looked you in the eyes. “Fine, you can stay here-“
“Don’t go.” He whispered. “Why? I’m blocking your view.”
“You are the view.”
You didn’t say anything back- you couldn’t. Your heart was beating against your chest, breathing got difficult and you couldn’t calm down. He was so close, you were about to lose your mind.
Mark wasn’t doing any better. You looked ethereal. You looked as beautiful as the first time he had met you. You were even prettier and the way you were so cold to him was kind of hot. Mark thought that his feelings for you died but seeing you after such a long time only made him realize, that his feelings for you got even stronger.
He always asked Jaehyun about you, but Jaehyun punched him and told him to fuck off because he had hurt his girlfriends’ best friend and his own friend, too. In Jaehyun’s eyes, Mark was a great friend, and he would trust him with his life, but after what he had done to you, Mark lost the right to know about your life. Still, Mark tried to find out If you were feeling any better after the breakup. If you were happy without him in your life, but he always failed and reaching out to you would be the worst thing he could do to you.
Mark’s hands were on your waist. He pushed his body against yours and he knew how nervous you were, but two can play this game.
Your hand was on his toned stomach, caressing it softly and then going down. You never broke eye contact and when your hand landed on his crotch, softly squeezing his bulge, he let out a moan. You were bold, you kept on playing with his bulge and Mark’s lips were attacking your neck. He placed soft kisses and started sucking.
“Fuck, Y/n. It feels so good. Please don’t stop.” He moaned as he squeezed your waist slightly. Before you could realize what exactly was happening, your phone rang.
“Ignore it.” Mark mumbled, his lips leaving your skin for a second.
“Mark- no.”
“Please… I’m so close.” He kissed your neck up to your jaw. You wanted to keep doing whatever the fuck you were doing with fucking Mark Lee, but your phone never stopped ringing. “You’re close?”
“Yes baby, so close.”
And you stopped your hand movements immediately. “W-What no please-“ he begged but you pushed him away. “You’re a big boy, right? You don’t need me.” You stepped out of the pool and wrapped the towel around yourself. Mark was painfully hard, and he was about to cum.
You took your phone and looked at the messages you just got. Minho texted you and you realized that you just gave Mark a handjob, even though he didn’t cum, and you totally forgot about Minho’s existence. Not that Minho always had you on his mind.
“You have got to be kidding me.” You said.
Mark looked at you curiously.
You called Minho immediately, not caring If you lost so much money since you called someone abroad.
“What the fuck does that mean?!” you asked angrily.
“I’m busy- I can’t attend the wedding.”
“Busy my ass, fuck you. This is my best friend’s wedding, the least you could do is to come to the wedding and stay next to your fucking girlfriend.” You were so angry, you didn’t care about anything.
Mark didn’t want to listen to your private conversation- and he had to jerk off- but after hearing the word girlfriend, he stopped in his tracks and listened.
“I have so much work and it’s just a wedding- I’ll make it up to you.” Minho said but you were distracted by the voices and music. “A-Are you at the club? You promised you’d never do that again?!”
“I’m with some colleagues-“ he lied.
“It’s fine. I don’t have time for this right now.” You hung up without listening to him any further. You were exhausted, so fucking exhausted. You turned to your left and saw Mark watching you. “Who was that?” he asked.
“None of your business.” You were cold to him again. Mark was about to say something, but you left without giving him the chance.
The only thing on your mind right now was Mark’s lips on your body. You took a hot shower and changed into a pretty sundress, perfect for the hot weather.
Mark was under the shower, after he jerked off, you still didn’t leave his mind. All he could think about was you and the person to whom you were talking.
After an hour, Aera told you to get ready- you were all going out for dinner. You all got ready and left the house. You were in the backseat with Mark again, not exchanging a word with the three, you were in your own world.
When you felt Mark’s hand on your thigh you turned your head to him. “Huh?”
“Burgers? What do you say?” he asked softly and pulled his hand back. “Sure.” You just wanted to drink, you didn’t care about food.
Jaehyun parked next to a restaurant and when you entered, you were all shocked. It was a beautiful restaurant with a terrace and a pretty view. Aera was next to you, Jaehyun across from her and Mark right across from you.
It felt like back then when you were going on actual double dates. “I think I have a déjà vu?” Jaehyun laughed awkwardly. “Ouch!” Mark yelped. “Sorry Mark, I wanted to kick Jaehyun.” Aera said. “Why would you want to kick me?” he asked his girlfriend. “Babe, shut up.” It was so awkward.
Mark looked at you, he knew exactly what Jaehyun was talking about. “Do you guys remember when the waiter pushed Jaehyun’s head into the cake?” Mark laughed at the memory the four of your shared. You didn’t say anything, but the others laughed. “Oh my god that was hilarious. He tasted so delicious.” Aera winked at him. “Okay, well, uhm, I wasn’t talking about that.” Mark scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
“My baby likes it when her fiancée tastes like strawberries.” Jaehyun smirked at Aera.
“This is absolutely not something we want to hear, Jesus.” Mark said disgusted.
After finishing dinner, you walked on the beach together. “Hey, babe, what’s on your mind?” Aera pulled you back to talk to you. She knew something was up.
“I just- Minho isn’t coming and I’m not sad about it. Why am I not sad about it?” you asked her. “Thanks god- I mean, I think your brain started working finally. Do you even see a future with him?” she asked you. “No, I don’t b-but I’ll never have future with anyone- I guess I’m just not worth-“
“If you dare to finish that sentence, I’ll push you into the water.” Aera threatened you. “Listen, I know when you are happy, and there was not a single time you were happy in that relationship, not like you were with that dumbass-“ she pointed at Mark, “The last time I saw you truly happy was with him, and I’m not saying go get Mark, I’m saying that Minho isn’t worth it. You are too good for him and there’s someone who loves you so much and who deserved your love and attention. Not that looser.”
And your eyes never left Mark’s back.
Something inside you switched, you don’t need a man next to you to be happy, well definitely not a man like Minho- he wasn’t even a man. After all the tears and fights you finally opened your eyes, and you knew that you deserve better.
“Fuck this shit I’m breaking up with that piece of shit.” And you really did. Aera held your hand as you dialed his number and called him.
“Y/n? It’s fucking 4 am.” Minho said. “Babe-“ you heard in the background, but you didn’t fucking care.
“You know what, I don’t even fucking care. Do whatever you want- thanks god you aren’t coming. I don’t have to make memories with an asshole like you. Go back to your slut. I’ll get my stuff when I’m back. I’m done with you” And you hung up.
You felt better than ever before.
You didn’t feel like crying- you were happy, you wanted to make great memories with your best friend and after so many years, you finally broke up with Minho. You felt free and when you looked to your left, to the stunning view you had, you just smiled.
“I’m so proud of you. You know, there are a couple single friends of Jaehyun coming to the wedding, maybe you’ll get some dick.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Jaehyun’s friends? Are we really sure about that?” you joked, looking at Mark again.
“You are right.”
Meanwhile, Mark and Jaehyun were talking about you.
“Dude, she was talking about someone not attending the wedding and like, she said girlfriend or something, I don’t know- is she… is Y/n dating someone?” Mark asked, he was scared of the answer. He had hope to get you back, but when you were someone else’s, he couldn’t do anything.
“Yeah, Minho. Such a piece of shit, like, he’s worse than you-“
“Hey!”
“Sorry, but like, what you did was an asshole move but he’s like constantly an asshole, I think that’s worse than being a dick just once. He cheats and yells and is so fucking disrespectful, if it weren’t for Y/n I’d kill him and I can’t believe that he’s coming to my wedding, god.”
Mark was shocked, you’re really dating someone like him?
“Why isn’t she leaving him?” he asked Jaehyun. “I don’t really know, they started dating right after you left, maybe she tried to move on with him.”
Mark knew he had hurt you really bad, but you tried to move on that soon? Why did you touch him like that when you have a boyfriend? Why did you let him kiss your neck and be so close?
“Let’s go to the club!” you yelled happily, and Mark turned to you. “Club?” he asked.
“Yes, the fucking club, I want to get wasted!” you sang happily.
And the next stop was a club. After a couple shots (Jaehyun didn’t drink anything except for water, he’s the driver), you and Aera danced on the dancefloor happily together. You felt so alive and excited, you jumped around and Mark couldn’t keep his eyes away from you.
The way your dress slightly rose and exposed your beautiful legs. He hoped nobody else was looking at you like he did.
“You’re staring.” Jaehyun said.
“Am not.”
“You’re so fucking obvious, it physically hurts me to see you like this.” Jaehyun patted Mark’s back.
“Do you think she still hates me?” Mark asked. “Well, I would.”
“That’s not helpful.” Mark gulped down another shot. “Alright, I’m sorry. She’s like, pissed, but I don’t think she hates you.”
“Baby! Dance with me!” Aera pulled Jaehyun to the dance floor and he didn’t resist. He had to show everyone that Aera was his girl, his fiancée. Dancing slowly turned into a make out session and not even five minutes later, they left the dancefloor and entered the restroom.
After dancing for so long, you returned back to your table. “What are you doing here all alone?” you asked Mark.
“Drinking.” He drank shot after shot. “Share with me.” You sat down next to him, really close. Your thighs touching and his gaze on your legs made you smirk.
“Let’s play a game. We’ll ask questions and If we don’t want to answer, we take a shot. Okay?”
You nodded, that could get really interesting. You ordered a whole vodka bottle and started the game.
“Ladies first.”
“What a gentleman. Well, okay, I got a question. Did you get to cum today?” you asked boldly. “I did.” He smirked at you.
“Okay, uhm, were you turned on?”
You took a shot, yes you were so turned on, but you wouldn’t say that out loud.
Mark looked you in the eyes, “Do I look hot?”
“So fucking hot.” Mark said without thinking.
“Do you want me to touch you?” he asked now, you took a shot, which was a pretty obvious answer to him. He put his hand on your thigh. He squeezed slightly. “I never said yes.” You said. “You also never said no. Do you want me to stop touching you?”
“It’s not your turn.” Which meant that you didn’t want him to stop touching you.
After a couple shots, Mark finally asked you the question he was dying to ask.
“Did you miss me?” his face was serious, and he looked you the deep in the eyes. Whenever Mark asked you a question to which you couldn’t say no, you took a shot, just like you did at this question. Mark knew that you had missed him.
“I missed you. So much.” He came closer, nose brushing yours. Mark pressed his lips on the corner of your lips. He slightly pulled back and you looked at you, you weren’t stopping him, so he continued.
The next kiss landed on the tip of your nose and then on the other corner of your lips. Mark squeezed your thigh with a little bit more pressure as he finally placed his lips on yours. Mark kissed you slowly and without realizing it, you kissed him back. You shut your eyes and let him kiss you. He kissed you with so much passion, so much longing and you cupped his cheeks to pull him closer.
His right hand held you by your waist and squeezed it, you gasped, and he put his hot muscle in your mouth. His tongue was playing with yours, he sucked on your lower lip and you could feel yourself getting wetter with every touch and every kiss. You forgot that you were in public, everyone could watch your heavy make-out session with Mark.
“M-Mark-“ you moaned.
“Mhmm…” he didn’t want to stop-
“Mark- there are people around -fuck- us-“ when he started kissing your neck, you lost it.
“Don’t care.” And he kept kissing your skin. “I can’t get enough of you.” He smirked as he left a mark on your skin.
You opened your eyes and saw Jaehyun and Aera coming. You pushed Mark away and acted like you didn’t just have the best kiss of your life.
“We’re done,” Aera giggled, “We should go back, it’s late and we should get sober until tomorrow night. I want to remember my bachelorette party.”
You just nodded, grabbed your purse, and left the club with the others coming after you.
The car ride was awkward. Mark wanted to hold your hand, but you tried to leave as much space as possible between you. Your head was spinning, you wanted him but the voice in your head told you to back off.
Mark was silent the whole ride back and after you left, he could finally breath again.
“The others are coming tomorrow, I trust my best man to take care of them.” Jaehyun and Mark talked on the way back to the house and you tried to ignore the fact that Mark was really walking right next to you.
“Of course, dude. You’re bachelor party is going to be crazy, by the way.” Mark planed something big for Jaehyun.
“No strippers.” Jaehyun warned.
“No strippers for you.” Mark teased even though he was suddenly not interested in seeing women, except for you. You were on his mind and you just didn’t want to leave.
That kind of hurt you.
You accidently locked eyes with Mark, and he wanted to punch himself. “I- I mean I don’t want them either- you know? I swear I didn’t book any strippers.” Mark tried to save himself, but you just rolled your eyes.
“We’re going to have strippers though, Aera.”
“What? Aera, babe, I thought we said no strippers.” Jaehyun pouted.
“I told her! Y/n No strippers!” Aera panicked.
“No strippers for you.” You mocked Mark and he glared at you.
“No strippers and that’s final.” Jaehyun said strictly like a dad, pointing his finger at me.
“I was just joking- don’t worry. No strippers. Promise.”
You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward but it's true
The next day was hectic. Family members and friends finally arrived and you, as the maid of honor, tried your best to be there for them and for Aera. Mark on the other hand just hung out with Jaehyun. The wedding is tomorrow and the bachelor parties are tonight. Aera was a little stressed, even with your help. She was talking with the catering company and you could see how exhausted she was.
“Aera, go take a long relaxing bath, I got this. I have your list and all of the information. Let me manage this, you need to relax and enjoy this. I don’t want you to stress.” You told her.
“You’re right, I trust you with this.”
You did everything you had to do. You were done with the check list and when you were about to go to your room to take a quick nap, a voice interrupted you.
“So, Y/n. Did you get hotter? Or is it just the weather in Greece?”
You turned around and faced Johnny Suh. A close friend of Jaehyun and he was always flirting with you, even when you dated Mark, but it was harmless. He was always nice and kind and you flirted back, just for fun of course and well, you liked making Mark jealous.
“Oh look at you! Long time no see.” You hugged him and the other boys trailing after him. Mark leading the boys and watching you and Johnny flirt right in front of him.
You hugged the others, and they didn’t know how to act, since Mark was glaring at them, which you didn’t notice.
“So Y/n, do you need any help?” Johnny said, winking at you.
“I’m actually done with everything, I was about to take a nap.”
“A nap? Come on, we’re in Greece. Let’s go to the beach.” Johnny suggested and everyone agreed with him, even Mark.
You thought about it for a second. Going to beach sound perfect, who knows If you ever come to Greece again.
“Alright, I’ll go get my stuff and change.”
You changed to your bikini and a sundress. You packed your back, a couple towels, sunscreen, and your sunglasses. The boys were already waiting for you. Jungwoo, Mark, Johnny and Yuta were the only ones who wanted to go to the beach. Jaehyun was napping and the others wanted to go to the city.
You were sitting between Jungwoo and Mark. Johnny was driving and Yuta took the passenger seat. You pressed your legs together, you didn’t want to touch Mark’s legs. After everything that happened last night, you were scared and you didn’t know what to do. Mark wasn’t doing any better. It was so awkward and if he could, he would kiss you again.
Not even 15 minutes later, you arrived at the beach and it was such a beautiful view.
“Wow, it’s so beautiful.” You said with wide eyes.
“Not as beautiful as you are.” Johnny flirted and you softly hit him on the shoulder, “Shut up.”
Mark tried to ignore Johnny’s flirty behavior, but it was so hard, even back when you and Mark were still dating, he hated it whenever Johnny flirted like that with you. He didn’t even know why, he shouldn’t have cared, he was only dating you for the money, right? But now it was different. Now he cared even more, he wanted you and it drove him crazy that you ignored him all day.
When you settled down right in front of the beach, Yuta and Jungwoo dropped everything and ran straight into the water.
“They didn’t put any sunscreen on.” Johnny mumbled, “Can you help me put some on Y/n?” he asked you.
“Sure.”
Once again, Mark wanted to punch his friend.
The way you put sunscreen on Johnny’s back was quick, you wanted to annoy Mark, you didn’t want him to think that you were really interested in Johnny. Johnny thanked you and asked you if you need help too and when you nodded, Mark remembered when he put sunscreen on your back yesterday.
Mark smirked at the memory, you’re so beautiful and your moans were so pretty and-
Mark’s thoughts were interrupted by you.
“Johnny, you are so strong, it feels so good.”
How could you say that, Mark thought.
“Y/n are you still with that piece of shit?” Johnny asked you as he massaged your back. “No I broke up with him.”
“So you’re single right?”
“Fuck- Yes, single.” You closed your eyes and enjoyed the massage you were getting.
“Hyung, I think Yuta is calling your name.” Mark interrupted.
“I can’t hear anything?” you mumbled.
“For real, he called your name just a second ago, maybe you should go look after him.”
Johnny’s plan worked. Johnny could hear the jealousy in Mark’s voice. Johnny wasn’t really interested in you, yeah you were pretty and you have a great personality, but you were still Mark’s ex-girlfriend and Johnny knew that Mark still liked you, even though he never admitted that.
“Alright, maybe Mark can continue?” Johnny asked you.
“I don’t know… Mark’s not as strong as you are.” You teased.
“I am strong, did you forget about yesterday-“
“Okayyyy.” Johnny laughed awkwardly and left you two.
Mark placed his hands on your back, he softly massaged you. You were laying on your stomach and Mark slowly untangled your bikini straps.
“How is this?” he asked you as he put a little pressure on your back.
“G-Good, so good.”
“You like making me jealous huh?” his hand travelled down but he stopped right before your butt.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said innocently even though you knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Oh baby, you do. You know what I’m talking about,” he put a little bit of pressure on your neck, “I really want to spank you for behaving like a brat.”
“Do it.”
“Don’t play with me.” Mark bend forward and pressed his lips on your bare shoulder. He left wet kisses on your skin and you closed your eyes and let him.
You missed him. You missed Mark so much. You wanted him and he wanted you, but there was still something holding you back.
You got interrupted by the ringing of your phone.
Mark pulled back and when you tried to stand up to reach for your phone, you forgot that your bikini was loose.
“Oh shit-“ you laid back and Mark giggled. He tied your straps back together and you finally answered your phone.
“Hi Aera, yeah we’re at the beach. Everything is done, don’t worry I took care of everything. Yeah be ready at 9 I’m not telling you what I’ve planned. The dress code is red and short. No Jaehyun won’t get jealous because he won’t get to see you until the wedding. Oh, I’m- I’m with Mark right now- would you shut up we’re not-“ you glanced at Mark who was already looking at you, “I’m hanging up now.”
Aera teased you with Mark, she asked you why you were alone with him and if you were doing dirty things with him.
“I’m going to the boys, are you coming?” you asked him softly.
Mark just nodded and trailed after you.
I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
After your fun beach day, you got ready for the bachelorette party. Aera’s three other friends were also coming and knew about your plan. You booked a limousine and a VIP place in a club, it wasn’t much, but Aera liked it the traditional way.
After changing to a short red dress with thin straps, you put on makeup and you were ready to go. The others were also ready and Aera tried to hide herself.
“Jaehyun can’t see me like this- he’d rip this dress off me, then he would fuck me and then he would burn it.”
“Calm down, Johnny told me that they already left.” You assured her.
“Fine. Fuck I look so hot.” Aera opened her front camera once again and looked at herself.
“Yes you do and now let’s get wasted!!” one of her other friends said.
Driving in a limousine was fun, Aera popped the champagne bottle carefully and after driving around the city for 3 hours and having fun in the limousine, you arrived at the club.
You entered the VIP lounge and the night started perfectly. Everyone was having fun, dancing, and drinking.
Aera secretly texted Jaehyun that she missed him and loved him. She also left for about five minutes just to talk to him in the restroom.
“Where the hell were you?” you asked her.
“I was talking to Jaehyun I’m sorry I’ll turn my phone off now.”
And she did, of course after she texted Jaehyun that she was turning her phone off, she didn’t want him to worry and also have fun.
After that, Aera drank and danced like there was no tomorrow.
You were also having the time of your life, it’s been so long since you danced freely in a club. No, it’s been so long since you had fun at all. When you were with Minho, you never had any fun. It was always about him, his pleasure, his feelings, everything about him. All you could think about was Mark when you were with Minho. No matter how much Mark hurt you, when he was your boyfriend, he was always perfect. He valued you more than Minho ever did. You shouldn’t be thinking about Mark when you were lying next to someone else, but you couldn’t help it.
“Y/n?”
You turned around and your eyes met Mark’s.
“M-Mark? Are you real? Or am I dreaming?” you giggled, you were tipsy.
“I’m real,” he stroked your cheek, “This island is so small, we ended up at the same club.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck and he put his hands on your waist. “I was thinking about you the whole day.” you admitted, you were drunk and drunk you always said the truth.
“Me too. Couldn’t get you out of my head.”
“Are you drunk?” you asked.
“No, but I’m still telling you the truth. I missed you.”
“I miss-“
“Y/n! Jaehyun is here and he can’t see Aera, it’s almost midnight! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!” Aera’s friend giggled, “and she’s so fucking drunk and I’m so drunk too,” she giggled again.
You sobered up quickly, thanks god you didn’t drink much, there has to be someone sober enough to take care of everyone and you could never forgive yourself if anything happens before the wedding.
“I’ll take her back to the hotel, you guys can stay and have more fun.” You told her and she thanked you and told you to call if anything happens.
Mark followed you, he helped you carry Aera to the taxi.
“I’ll come with you.” Mark said.
“Don’t worry about us. I can take care of us, go have fun with the boys.” You smiled softly.
“No I want to be with you- I mean, I was bored anyway, and tomorrow is the big day, I should have some… sleep.” He scratched the back of his head nervously.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
When you arrived at the hotel, Mark helped you carry Aera to your room. She was going to stay with you for tonight, Jaehyun shouldn’t see her before the wedding.
“Sleep tight, tomorrow is going to be your big day.” you said as you tugged her in.
You turned to Mark with a small smile on your face, “Thank you. For helping me with her.”
“Of course. Uhm, do you, only if you want to of course, do you want to drink something with me? In m-my room if that’s okay for you. I mean it’s still early and I’m not really sleepy, you know.” Mark rambled.
“Yeah, sure.” You said shyly.
Mark opened the door and you entered his room. His room was clean and had a perfect view. Even at night, the view was beautiful. The lights in the dark, the moon shining brightly, it looked mesmerizing.
You stood in front of his window and Mark watched you with a smile on his lips to you, the view was everything but to Mark, you were everything. You looked absolutely beautiful to him.
Mark took a couple steps and was now right behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and put his head on your shoulder. You intertwined your fingers with his and pulled him closer to you.
“It’s beautiful.”
“You are beautiful.” He whispered softly against your ear.
You turned around, his arms still around you and his face so close to yours.
“I couldn’t tell you this in the club so I’m going to say it now,” you whispered against his lips, “I missed you too, Mark. I missed you so much.”
And without thinking twice, you both leaned in and kissed.
You closed your eyes immediately and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer, he did the same, he pulled you closer by your waist and pressed you against the window.
He kissed you gently and slowly, your heart pounded against your chest and Mark’s heart was racing, too. As if time stopped right there, as if they were never apart. Mark’s right hand was on your jaw, softly pushing your head up to get better access to your mouth, you let out a soft moan, Mark used the opportunity to meet your tongue.
The kiss was perfect, slow but still so passionate.
Mark pulled back, you were breathing heavily and heat rose from your stomach to your chest, a feeling you couldn’t really describe.
He left wet kisses on your cheek, down to your jaw and then your neck. You tilt your head back, Mark sucked on your soft skin as your hands tangled in his hair, lightly pulling.
You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, you just wanted to take off this dress and let Mark fuck you.
“D-Do you want this?” he asked you.
“Yes-“ you whimpered as he sucked on your sensitive spot.
Mark pulled you to his bed, with you on top of him straddling his lap. Your lips connected again, you tried to unbutton his shirt as he grabbed your butt softly and squeezed it.
You almost ripped his shirt, but you didn’t care.
It was your turn to press your lips on his neck.
Mark closed his eyes, the way his crotch met you when you pressed yourself against him, the way your lips kissed his soft skin, leaving pretty marks on Mark.
Mark couldn’t take it anymore. His pants were so tight, it almost hurt. He wanted to feel you, he needed to feel you. Mark changed positions, he was on top of you now.
“Take this off- please, fuck, take this off now.” He looked for the zipper of your dress and when he finally found it, he wanted to cry.
He took off your dress, and fuck, he was going crazy. You weren’t wearing a bra, only your black panties.
“Fuck, you’re so perfect.”
The way Mark looked at you made you feel so beautiful. You weren’t shy like you used to be, you felt good and you wanted him so bad.
You pulled him up for a short kiss.
Mark took off his pants as fast as he could and he was painfully hard. He couldn’t wait to be inside of you. His lips were on your nipple, he sucked on your breast and his hand was playing with the other one. After sucking on your one nipple, his attention was on the other one. “Mark- fuck, it feels so good. Please don’t stop.” You moaned.
You were so wet and feeling Mark’s cock against your thigh turned you so on.
While playing with your nipples, his one hand found your pussy. He stroked it over your panties, but then his hand travelled in your panties and he started playing with your wet pussy.
“Baby you are so wet. All for me?”
“Yes, yes. So wet for you, Mark.” You closed your eyes tightly. It felt so good to feel his hands on you again.
Even thought Mark wanted to taste you, he couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to be in you now.
“You can take me, right baby? I need to fuck you.”
“Please fuck me Mark.” You also couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to cum.
Mark took off his boxers and hovered above you. “F-Fuck I don’t have a condom.”
“You don’t have a condom? Why?” you asked him.
“Well, I didn’t think that I was going to fuck you here.”
“What if you’d met someone else here?” you asked curiously.
“I’m not interested in someone else. I want you- I always wanted you.” He admitted shyly.
You looked each other in the eyes for a couple seconds, he leaned in and pecked your lips. He pulled back and looked at you again.
“You can fuck me without a condom. I’m on the pill and I haven’t had sex in months,” You can’t even remember the last time Minho fucked you. “And I never fucked without a condom after I had sex with you.”
“Me too. I mean after… after you I haven’t fucked raw.”
“Okay.” You said softly.
“Okay.” He leaned in and pressed his lips on yours.
While kissing you, he slowly pushed his cock in you. You grabbed his biceps tightly, he stretched you, you haven’t been fucked in so long, you got even tighter.
Mark pulled back and looked at you. “You feel so good around me. So, so fucking good. I missed you so much.” With that, Mark pushed his entire length inside of you.
“Fuck-“
He was fucking into you, slowly but hard. You could feel his entire length and he always hit your sweet spot. “Right there- Mark, fuck.”
“I-I want to ride you. Mark, fuck.” You moaned.
Mark turned you, you were now on top of him.
You bounced on his cock up and down, his hands on your waist pushed you down and he thrusted his hips to fuck into you. Your hands were on his shoulder, holding him. Even though you wanted to ride him, he was fucking you hard and good.
“M-Mark I’m gonna cum. Fuck Fuck Mark-“
And then your climax hit you. You collapsed on top of him and he still fucked into you. “Fuck feel so good. Y-you feel so good.” Mark was so close and the way he kept fucking you overstimulated you. You clenched one last time and Mark came inside of you, painting you walls white. He moaned your name as he came and you could feel him twitching inside of you.
Mark wrapped his arms around you and pressed you against his chest. Mark pulled his cock out of you. You could hear his heart beating against his chest.
The night was perfect, after cleaning you up, you were wrapped in his arms once again. You talked about everything that night. Everything you had missed when you were apart.
“Can I ask you something?” he said.
“Sure.”
“Did you ever love him? Minho or whatever his name was.” Mark was jealous, even though you were in his arms.
“No, I don’t think that I’ve ever loved anyone, except for you. I always loved you.”
Mark smiled and kissed your temple.
“Why were you with him? Why didn’t you break up with him? Jaehyun told me that he’s an asshole.”
“After- after you broke up with me, I was… lost. I didn’t know what to do. I felt worthless and just- useless. He made me feel- wanted? I don’t know. I needed someone to forget you and he didn’t care. He never cared about me but he made me believe that he loved me. And that’s all I wanted. I just wanted to be loved.” You whispered the last part. A tear escaped your eye and you were quick enough to wipe it away. But Mark still noticed.
Mark felt bad. He never wanted you to feel this way. You were a dream. You were so perfect and it was his fault that you felt worthless. If anyone was useless, it was Mark.
“It’s my fault a-and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you felt that way, but it’s not true. You are so much more. You are perfect in every possible way. You are more than anyone could ask for. I’ll never forgive myself that I made you feel this way.” Mark teared up and pulled you even closer.
“C-Can I ask you something?” you asked this time.
“Y-Yes.”
“What did you do with the money?” you were always curious about that.
Mark gulped hard, the memory pained him. “I gave it back.”
“What?”
“I couldn’t take money from a stupid bet, a bet that hurt you. I wasn’t proud of what I did. I wanted to forget that it happened, that I did that to you. I wanted to erase that from my memory. But I couldn’t erase you.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you. I loved you back then and I love you now. I never stopped loving you but I was too scared to reach out to you. I thought you hated me and it took me long to realize how much I love you.”
You looked up to him, you didn’t want to cry but your eyes were teary. “You love me?”
“Yes, I love you. I love you so much. There was not a single day without missing you, not a single day without regret eating me alive.”
“S-So you still love?”
“Yes. I love you.” He looked you deep in the eyes.
“I love you too.”
Mark smiled widely. Oh, how he missed hearing that you loved him.
“I’m sorry for everything.”
“It’s okay.” You pecked his lips but that wasn’t enough for Mark. He climbed on top of you and kissed you passionately.
His hand was on your naked thigh, stroking it softly. You were wet and when Mark put his hand on your wet pussy, you moaned.
Mark circled your clit and his tongue played with yours. It felt so good. He slowly put two fingers inside of your cunt and thrusted them in and out. You clenched around his fingers and you could feel your climax coming. Mark added a third finger.
His lips were back on your skin. Mark softly kissed your boobs and sucked on your sensitive nipples.
“Are you going to be a good girl and cum?” he asked you between his kisses.
“Yes- I’m so close.”
“Look at me.” His face was close to yours again, and when you looked at him, at his dark doe eyes, you came.
After you calmed down, you glanced at the clock in the room.
“Shit, Mark. It’s almost six in the morning. We need to sleep.”
You talked the whole night and after two orgasms and cuddling, you didn’t notice that it was already this late.
“But I’m hard.” He pouted.
“Do you want me to suck you off?”
“Yes, please baby, please suck me off.” He begged.
You were on the edge of the bed, your face right in front of his hard cock.
You slowly licked from the bottom to his tip. You pumped his cock in your hand a couple times before you put it inside of your mouth. After pumping him, you licked the slit on his tip.
“Babe- don’t tease me.” He whimpered.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Anything- but just please, do something.”
You put his entire length inside of your mouth, bobbing your head up and down and pumping the part of his dick you couldn’t put inside of your mouth.
You stopped bobbing you head and stared licked his tip again. “Babe- please. Please make me cum.”
Mark was going crazy. He needed to cum, his cock was so sensitive now, he twitched every time you licked or touched him.
“Okay, baby. I teased you enough, I’ll make you cum. You want to cum right?” you kissed his cock and he nodded. “Please. I want to cum on your face.”
You sucked his dick properly this time, he was so sensitive and so close, not even ten seconds later, he came on your face, just like he wanted to.
“Fuck, fuck fuck. That was so fucking good, babe, fuck.” Mark was breathing heavily, the intense orgasm tired him. You cleaned you face, fortunately he only came on your face and inside of your mouth.
You crawled back to him and kissed his lips. “Thank you.” He thanked you. “I love sucking your dick.”
“No, well yeah thank you for that too but I’m thankful for everything. Thank you for forgiving me.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
And you fell asleep in his arms.
I'd go back to you
I'd go back to you
What was there, wasn't sure
But I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
Not even three hours later, your alarm clock woke you and Mark up.
“I don’t want to leave you.” You mumbled.
“I don’t want you to leave either. Stay a little longer.” He kissed your shoulder.
“I can’t I have to wake up Aera. It’s her big day, it needs to be perfect.”
“Everything you do is perfect.” Mark flirted.
“Shut up, I’ll see you later okay? Thank you for last night.”
“I love you.” He leaned down and kissed you. After kissing for two minutes to pulled back again. “I have to go.”
“Just five more minutes.”
Almost thirty minutes later, you tiptoed to your bedroom. Aera was wide awake playing with her phone when she saw you.
“Where the fuck were you and why are- oh my god.” Aera understood immediately. “You bitch fucked Mark didn’t you.”
“Yes, and now shut up and get ready for your wedding day!”
“I know I know, but like, I’m happy if you are happy. Are you happy?” she asked you worriedly.
“Yes. I’ve never been happier I think.” You smiled. You were really happy and so in love with Mark.
“Then I’m happy.”
Hours later, you found yourself in your maid of honor dress, looking absolutely gorgeous. Mark was helping you with everything. With the catering company, the guests and everything else that needed to be taken care of.
Mark stole kisses from you here and there and now he pulled you back to his bedroom and kissed you intensely.
“You look so stunning- I can’t stop staring at you. I love you, pretty girl.” He kissed you again.
“M-Mark fuck, you look so hot and I really want to fuck you, b-but, fuck we can’t.” you closed your eyes and let him kiss your neck.
“Okay, okay. I’m trying to stay calm, but fuck, you look so good I want to rip that dress off.”
“We’ll have the whole night. Let’s go back, people are going to get suspicious.”
When you went back, you met Johnny and Yuta on your way.
“Where are you two coming from?” Yuta asked.
“My bedroom- ouch.” You kicked Mark’s leg.
“What were you doing in your bedroom?” Johnny asked amused. “Do you want me to show you?” Mark asked with a smirk.
“Mark? What the f-“ and then Mark pulled you in and kissed you fully on the lips.
He could finally show Johnny that you belonged to him, that you always belonged to him.
“Well I guess we saw that coming.” Yuta laughed with Johnny. The two left and you were still kissing.
“Ew! He is eating her Mommy!” you heard a little girl scream.
You pulled away immediately and apologized.
Mark laughed his ass off as he walked you to Aera’s dressing room. “I’m going to eat you tonight. But not your mouth. I’m going to eat your cunt.”
“I can’t wait. I’ll see you at the ceremony alright? I need to stay with Aera now.”
“Okay baby.” He kissed you goodbye.
The wedding ceremony ended so quickly, next thing you knew you were in Mark’s arms slow dancing. Aera and Jaehyun’s wedding was truly beautiful. Everything went smoothly and you were finally resting in the arms of your lover.
Aera and Jaehyun were also slow dancing and smiling happily. Not only because it was the most important night of their lives- also because their best friends were finally happy together.
“Y/n?” Mark said your name softly.
“Mhm?” you hummed with closed eyes.
“I’m really sorry that I put you trough all of that, and I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize my real feelings for you. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my entire life and I’m going to do everything I can to keep you in my arms. I don’t want to see sad ever again. I’ll love you until my last breath.”
You promised yourself you weren’t going to cry that night, but a couple tears still escaped.
“You know, I was hurt but I healed and I’m more than ready to do this with you again. It was you. My heart always longed for you, and I don’t think that there could be anyone I would love as much as I love you. You could break my heart thousand times, I would go back to you over and over again.” You looked up to him, he could see the love you felt for him in your eyes.
“I love you.”
“I love you.” And with that, Mark pressed his lips on yours and kissed you with so much love and adoration.
I'll go back to you
I'll go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
I'll go back to you
I'll go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
#neosmutcollective#mark angst#mark lee angst#mark lee fluff#mark lee smut#nct angst#nct fluff#mark lee x reader#mark lee x you#nct smut#jung jaehyun#nct dream angst#nct dream mark#nct dream smut#nct dream fluff
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