#Life is weird not just sometimes but most of the time actually | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iovesia · 2 days

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how would keanu characters react to reader having weird kinks and asking them to use it on her? (could be choking, knife kink, blood kink…etc, whatever you are most comfortable with writing!)

reader with extreme kinks,⠀⠀౨ৎ⠀⠀keanuverse. gn reader.⠀/⠀cw. vaguely smutty.

john wick — so super nawt down for it … i know i write him to be mad kinky sometimes, but i’m sure he will 90% of the time gently pass on anything too extreme. john’s already surrounded by so much violence, and gore in his life— he can’t see himself using knives or any weapons on you. (wee bit of a madonna/whore complex vibes with this man.. but i digress).

at most he’ll indulge you in very little choking / slapping. and by that he’s very gently hold your neck, or give you small soft pats on your face.

he’s a gentle giant !! soz !!

john constantine — he’s a little freaky, so i think he’d be more into trying your kinks. constantine’s more into pain / power play imo, so if you ever wanted to try stuff like wax play, temperature play or smth like that … he’s into it !!! and not just on you .. i’m a firm believer in masochist!constantine, so just ‘cause he might not wanna do it to you, doesn’t mean he don’t want you to do it to him 😵‍💫😵‍💫

johnny utah / jack traven / tom ludlow — not to lump all my cop!keanu’s in the same box, but i mean c’mon! these boys in blue definitely will do whatever kink you like if it’s stuff like bondage or restricting you. esp with their easy access to handcuffs .. ehem …

i just get a bit of control freak vibes from them, so they would love to have you tied up and depending on them for pleasure. yeah …

kevin lomax — oh jeez this guy’s the worst of the bunch! he’s the son of satan, and a canonical toe-sucker so out of everyone on this list, he’s your guy! if we’re talking kevin whose already fully corrupted: that man will do any debaucherous thing you ask him to do.

my gut tells me he’s hella into blood play— something about just seeing your skin stained with crimson feels so primal to him. like he’s corrupting you with his bare hands.

ted logan — poor boy might actually blush and explode with giggles if you ever bring stuff up like that. he’s so immature, and so vanilla, it’s sickeningly sweet. the kinkiest thing he’ll ever do with you is probably sixty nine .. oops !

#love letters.#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #john wick x reader #john constantine x reader #*⠀john constantine.#*⠀ted logan.#*⠀kevin lomax.#*⠀john wick.#*⠀johnny utah.#*⠀tom ludlow.#*⠀jack traven.

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leidensygdom · 2 days

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Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

#nd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #disability #disabled #autism #adhd #neurodivergencies #long post

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morgy-doo · 3 days

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school bus graveyard x Fem! Secret idol! reader

Who is Wonyoung (IVE): Wonyoung is the bubbly, outgoing and caring member of a popular K-pop group IVE.

character has similar traits to Wonyoung, non dimension AU, fluff, Tyler hernandez, Ashlyn banner, Taylor hernandez, Logan fields, Ben clark, Aiden clark.

TW: none

y/n quickly speed walked through the allyway, crossing the intersection, she had five minutes till vocal practice and she was already running late as it is as Aiden decided to pull some dumb stunt right before she left. she did want to be honest with them, but after recently transferring schools she didn't want the news to get out again, last time all it did was hinder her school life, but she couldn't be mad, she adores her fans and does her best to excuse their sometimes out of line behavior.

y/n breathes out in relief as she arrives to the recording studio. as she walks through the carpented halls she had a thought were the group on to her? it did seem kinda weird she had to keep cutting hang outs or leaving so abruptly. well, they probably didn't even know her group, the weren't as popular as other bands, if they did, they would of bought it up by now. also, if they did discover her group, its not like they would know its her from the glamour of the makeup and costume design. with that reassuring thought, she pushed open the doors to the main studio. nahh, they have no idea.

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"There is something going on with y/n" Ashlyn said, crouched in the bus seat, taking the entire seat to herself. Taylor turned and raised an eyebrow. "Do you think? i mean, i did think its kinda weird she always left really early when we hang out, but i just thought she had strict parents or something." Aiden laughed ."No, iv'e spoken to Marhshall and Christy, they are actually really laid back"

Tyler gave Aiden a confused look "When did you get the chance to meet her parents?" Aiden sat down next to Tyler, who immediatley shoved him off the seat onto the floor.

"Well i was bored so i was gonna ask y/n if she wanted to come and convince old people its 3000 and that the nursing home was a secret time machine" (Aiden would totally do that you cannot tell me otherwise.) "But she wasnt answering er texts so naturally i went to her house and climbed through the kitchen window."

Logan gave him a horrified look and looked back at Ashlyn. "We should give y/n her own privacy, if she wants to tell us where she is going then that is up to her, we should drop it for now, maybe."

Ashlyn nodded in response and kicked Aiden off the chair next to her that he was trying to sit on.

(stop aiden abuse)

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the group (minus y/n since she scurried off to another rehersal) were leaving school, it had been a long day full of work and Aiden, so everyone was tired and pissy. they were turning the corner when they heard the voice of Barron. Ashlyn grabbed the back of Taylor and Aiden's shirts so they wouldn't walk into their line of view and pulled them back behind the corner.

"Doesn't that new girl y/n look familiar, i just thought she was some washed up bitch who iv'e probably seen sleeping around, but then i noticed this." he pulls out his phone and shows one of his skanky friends a picture, it was of y/n in their most recent school photo, Ashlyn can barely discern the picture as it was from a distance but could still recognise the face.

Barron zoomed in on a mark on y/n's neck. Ashlyn had noticed the mark several times, but never chose to bring it up. Barron loaded up a new picture, this time it was a picture of someone in an over eccentri outit, their face covered in makeup and their hair done fancy, Barron zoomed in once again to reveal that this mystery girl had the same marking on her neck that y/n did.

"I think y/n is a member of the girl group ONCE" the group all turned to look at each other. Ashlyn pulled out her phone and researched the group, clicking on a video of a recent performance, Ben smiled and pointed to a girl near the left, now that they saw it close up, there was no mistaking it was their friend y/n. "I recognise this music, my dad always plays it in the car, says its cheery, doesn't stop me from wanting to jump out the window." Ashlyn says as she clicks off the video.

"But why wouldn't y/n tell us?" Taylor says looking around. Tyler just rolled his eyes. "Well i would be embarassed too if i had to wear ugly frilly dresses like that." Logan smiled weakly. "That's not the point-" Ashlyn cut Logan off, finishing his sentence for him, "She probably doesn't trust us enough, that's why, this is kinda a big secret idiot, so lets just pretend we haven't seen this and never bring it up to her"

Too late. Aiden had already sent y/n a picture of the video they had been watching with the text: "nice dress LOL"

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A few weeks later, things began to work out better for y/n, after seeing Aiden's text, she came clean and explained everything about her vocal practice, and that she did indeed trust them, she just didn't want the knowledge being leaked. the others all accepted her and her career. infact, her band and the group even all hang out together, but Aiden was more so interested in farting in the mic and hearing it reverberate through the sound system.

thanks for requesting, did the best i could with the knowledge of how wonyoung acts, i never heard of IVE before so

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shirajellyfish · 2 months

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Grocery store perils

Things I thought would be a danger to watch out for as a cashier:

Scary robbers

Evil mean customers

General violence

The actual dangers:

Cutting hand open on thick cardboard

Angry pineapple leaves

Being scratched by a bearded dragon

#cashier #Papercut is the level 1 enemy cardboard wine box cut is the final boss #I thought it would be the body of the pineapple that would attack me but no it's the leaves #I was legit scratched by a pet bearded dragon on the job that actually happened #To be fair the beardie was in need of assistance (about to fall) and I stepped in voluntarily #And he wasn't TRYING to hurt me he just had long claws #crawled over my hand trying to get a secure grip #It wasn't an attack but it did still happen #And at the end of the day I went home from my cashier job with lizard scratches on my hand #Life is weird not just sometimes but most of the time actually

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toastsnaffler · 5 months

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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

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dykeinthedark · 10 days

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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

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yuriyuruandyuraart · 9 months

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Opinions on Dream? :^

SO many feelings about him omgg rant under cut please forgive me

okay so i don't really talk or draw him much cause honestly,,,most of the times i just think he's a bit....boring? or more accurately plain? not in a mean way either but just in a 'fades into the background' type of way like don't get me wrong!! he's a really nice friend to his peers, his feelings about his powers and aura making his relationships harder to navigate and trust along with his whole conflict with nightmare and morality about what's good and bad IS very cool!! and i love it whenever they write him to be complex and not on this black and white mentality or when he's just straight up following along his friends with no free will or with a dubious purpose without ever addressing his issues or feelings! it's just unsatisfying to me :')

or when they're making him the 'naive' and oblivious, (sometimes childish?) character being marked as the obstacle and villain along with the other star sanses from the fic's pov, always talking about doing good things while fighting his brother and not hearing him out about the balance, (and for weak reasons most of the time. like it's been so long and you STILL haven't sat down with him when he's, generally, basically begged you to just have a talk? guys please :'( ) or when they go for the victim sad dream always missing the old nightmare, where corrupted nightmare is the incarnation of evil, with no sympathy or emotion except anger and sadistic glee, killing and hurting everyone and dream's just trying to protect the multiverse and dream's always been in the right. such extremes!!!

LIKE!! i hope i'm not the only one that thinks a 500+ year old should have had enough time to idk. learn things? about people and manipulation and deceit? after knowing what the villagers did to night? about the bad things in the world and how there's a lot of grey areas in life and that he maybe reflected on his past enough to process and ask himself if there should to be a convo to settle his differences with nightmare (and you can make nightmare the stubborn one too! or have them BOTH be petty and imperfect and have some things wrong and some right at the same time like why do i always see the good guy vs bad guy cliché with these two when they're the perfect example of why positivity doesn't have meaning without the negativity!! as long as there's a satisfying evolution or growth that doesn't leave me empty i'm good yknow?)

plus i believe dream really isn't as dumb as people view him. i do get some of you saying he probably can't read or write since that's actually a pretty interesting idea to explore! but in general please let him have emotions other than pure sunshiny happiness or endless sadness like he's gotta have more depth than that! let him make mistakes, have flaws that don't just make him the bad guy that's always in the wrong by default, and be angry or suspicious or jealous or bitter or battling his mental health problems/depression or malicious or smart or witty or mischievous and silly or sarcastic or ANYTHING dude i just want him to be put into different scenarios where he can be serious or lighthearted like it doesn't even have to be long or perfect but make him feel real.

it could definitely be that i don't read or see much art about dream or really look for it hard enough but also i just. i feel bad for even saying this fr and i wanna be honest about why i don't enjoy most stories about him cause he always gets the worst treatment along with ink!!! especially ink omg the poor guy has it the worst i think like wow do they mess him up :'(

always one dimensional in non shippy fics, or too plain or easily replaceable by other, more entertaining people in the significant other's life in most of his ships like man. i have read fics out there that made me genuinely FEEL and root for him and love his character so much it restored all hope for me!!! but i can only name one on top of my head and the others? it's been so long i don't even remember their names i just legit feel terrible cause i love him still and i can't find many headcanons that fit my interpretation of him yknow?

not to say people who write him very happy, mislead or sad are ruining him like that's silly- if i see something i don't like i just. move on bro i wouldn't force people to feel or think the same way i do about him cause anyone can have whatever headcanons they want!!! just talking about what i personally look for in him and why i can't exactly find it since most of the stuff out there just isn't my cup of tea :')

hopefully i didn't set anyone off with this rambling opinionated essay i just pulled hhh xD i know i know he's a popular character and i know a lot of people like dream so *sobs* please please recommend me artists and fics about him that you think is good it's been so looong since i've read or seen anything new that makes me attached to this little guy aughg<33333

#ask #rambling #delete later?#probably xD i just wanna love him SO much but sometimes he's just *sigh*...forgettable #i tried to explain myself but also it's like 4 am and i skimmed through the proofreading so don't take this too seriously HHH #like really even when i do read good fics about him he's not on the forefront of my mind and it's painful to me :'(#i used to see him as my third fav but now? ever since i've read and seen characters who get heavier more in depth plots?#i can't say it with as much confidence :') and dream lovers out there i am not bashing your choice or even your headcanons #to each their own but i really wanna hear someone be passionate about him in my feed or askbox like TELL me about him #i've seen ink rants out there that are FIRE like so true!!! but where's the dream defense team???#maybe it's just me tho :') btw i still like cream but not the same way as before if i'm being real #it feels the same...all of it and it makes me wanna bite something ARGHGG #i know i know i ship some stuff that's basic too hhh but dream and cross are always written the same and dream is too innocent #and nightmare is too weird in some of these fics like if MY brother ever tried to literally attack my hypothetical partner????#i wouldn't give him the :'((( sad face and weakly tell him to 'please stop...you're hurting him'' like NO girl they're TWINS #they're the same age i would tell him to BACK off and not insert himself in my love life after years of ignoring and fighting LIKE #especially since most of the time cross is actually good to dream and all- so he doesn't have a good reason to disrupt his bro's dates #UGH i just have so many opinions but basically i would love him a lot lot more than i do now if they also let him be more flexible #and shake things up like with shattered and stuff! gimme alternate versions of him even if it's too ooc like we do for all the other sanses #jaa i am SO sorry you had to read all that dude thank you so much for passing by :'D

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victoriartdrawings · 4 months

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fanfic rec post tomorrow maybe???👀

me to all my fandom ships knowing perfectly i wont have the time to do even 1 for at least one pairing til next week 🤡

#percabeth #snowbaird #anidala #zutara #hiccstrid #so much more ships name to add (like REALLY) these tagged ships are just some my brain is currently obsessed with this week #my next obsession next month???? idk yet 💀 my head is weird. like often #rn im mostly frustated with myself and feel a little bit useless be.cause. it takes so much time!!! but i want to do it #but i dont #so my brain says to me DWE IT YOU LAZY USELESS PROCASTINATING ASS!!!!#like first i have to remember the fic #then scroll through my 7000 downloaded fic folder. a nightmare 💀most of the time i dont remember the title but only the period #where i was obsessed with them (also hell because my multiple obsession with a ship always leave and then come back 2 or 6 months later 🤡#so sometimes I find myself downloading 2 or 3 times the same fic🤡)#(ALSO some its been 4/5 years since i read them so i let u imagine the headache i get trying to remember lol)#then class them by long fic one shot - theme etc...while re-reading fast some of them bc my memory is shit #and AFTER ALL THAT i write the actual commentary for each one of them and remembering what my experience reading it was like #because personal commentary that made people laugh and want to read the fic recommended make me so happy for the author!!!!#ALSO I MOSTLY JUST LOVE SHARING MY READING EXPERIENCE WITH OTHERS!!!!! SO MUCH JOY AND HAPPINESS!#but then real life is like no.not today. and indeed. not today.#fanfic rec #fanfic #reader #fandom

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eeunwoo · 6 months

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#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol #but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int #account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this #weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away #bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a #really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her #shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you #basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine #its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares #to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in #years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it?#mrow.org

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sysig · 14 hours

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Tainted batch (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #Fine nevermind >:(#It's so weird to be posting vent-adjacent stuff while I'm doing so well currently haha #I started this months ago and have significantly improved my mood since then pfft ♪ I'd hope!#There wasn't anything specific at the time anyway just a thought circling around that I figured Charm would be more affected by #Considering most things for her are heightened in comparison haha <3 She'll get therapy someday #She also deals a lot in sublimation through art! And sometimes that means literally taking the materials and using them elsewhere #Honestly it's pretty cool that she can reconstitute her art :0 Drawing is a little different haha #I hadn't realized it'd been as long as it's been since I last drew Cirrus :0 #Oh yeah Cherry Shortcake actually has a first name now lol #A few residents do! If you remember my mention of Aria from a while back - Marshmallow Fluff - I think those are the current three?#Still haven't really pinned down a naming convention haha...I've been thinking about three-letter last names for what feels like forever now #She was also an early contender for Digitally Rendered Resident huh... I could at least stand to name the others that have gotten that lol #So many things I wanna do with her - really want to finish her Biased Narrator fic sometime just dunno how to end it hrmngh #Anyway lol she gets a one-panel cameo and takes over the post pft no! Charm time!#Evil Time Charm time - kicked up her pulse as soon as she remembered #She kinda sorta remembers what happened but more than that remembers the Emotions - feeling Laughed At #And clearly it's [this specific thing]'s fault that she feels foolish! Avoid [this specific thing] and never feel foolish again Guaranteed!*#*Not actually even remotely close to a guarantee lol instead she's just avoiding something that at one point made her feel good #So easy to turn a positive memory into a negative one with just a change of framing huh?#I can't think of anyone in her life who would exploit that fun little feature in her outlook not even one!

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yay-depression · 2 years

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the repressed neurodivergent experience of thinking “no one will ever love me with all of my neurodivergency the way i love them with their neurotypical-ness.”

#me my whole life: got made fun of for exhibiting ND traits among other stuff #me in middle school: well if i simply pretend i am neurotypical people will stop disliking me for being ND #spoiler alert: i was not very good at faking neurotypical-ness #me now: very very good at faking being neurotypical to the point that i am perceived as having very few distinguishable traits #my family my entire life: you are weird (aka neurodivergent) stop being weird #my family my entire life: if i simply do the thing that my child hates maybe they will grow out of hating it #another spoiler alert: no the FUCK i did not #tldr my entire life i’ve essentially suppressed most of myself to make the people i love comfortable bc that’s what they wanted from me #and in response they routinely ignore some of my most important boundaries and still try to act like they’re helping me #my therapist keeps telling me that one day i’ll get a family even if it’s found family #because sometimes found family is the best kind of family #but no one i’ve met is willing to actually put up with who i am as a person and not abandon me #every non-familial person in my life anytime i’ve shared deeply personal things with them: nope no thank you goodbye #and the deeply personal things were always just like ‘i’m actually pretty insecure in friendships and i feel deeply lonely’#it wasn’t even traumadumping bc they always seemed fine with that!! bonding over shared trauma was like a group activity #and then anytime i was like ‘hey could i maybe get some validate that y’all don’t hate me?’ everyone would be like #no. why would you need that we never said we hated you stop being over dramatic #my dad pulled that last one all the time!! except he added the ‘how could you even think i hate you when i’ve been nothing but good to you!’#come to think of it my friends did a lot of that too actually #anyways i have a core belief that i’m actually just unloveable and people just tolerate me and it’s been confirmed repeatedly

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widevibratobitch · 6 months

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its 'i know it doesnt matter and im used to it at this point but im actually a little sad that im kinda ugly' hours

#its ok ill stop thinking about it in a moment but yeah. thats what happens when i see pictures of myself next to my friends #they're all so hot and beautiful this is like. kinda unfair ngl lol #and like. i realise they dont mean those as actually backhanded compliments. but it sure does feel that way #most of the time i do try to embrace it and ive mostly made piece with the fact that im not here to be pretty but to be weird and funny #peace ffs*#but sometimes you'd just want to see a candid photo someone took of you when you weren't looking #and not feel the need to immediately turn it into a joke because the only alternative available is to confront that the fact that you are.#indeed. Fucking Ugly lol #like idk. i genuinely dont mind that when im with my friends at home. but here all the girls at this fucking uni #are so OBSESSED with their looks #and i was kinda mean to one yesterday. still in a haha-jokey way but goddammit i hate how good it felt #cause like girl. dont think i dont know what you're doing when we're taking selfies. and its okay.#i can be The Ugly Friend That's Only There To Make You Even Prettier. i can be that. but i want you to KNOW that I KNOW.#you're not fooling me darling <3 and i honestly find it even more insulting that you'd think you could lol #babygirl ive been doing *this* my whole life. believe me i know how to stop that fucking behaviour. you're not being as subtle as you think #*spot lol #peace and love but i really would be SUCH a different person if i were pretty its not even funny. so maybe it's for the better huh

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parlerenfleurs · 2 years

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Funny how I'm still able to believe I'll be above something only to simply, inexorably, be human, once again

#Bloom talks #I'm in a weird mood but I'm okay #just trying to de-tangle my own twisty mind #my own personnal pitfall as a personality trait is to think I am so emotionally mature #when actually I'm prone to be petty and jealous and withdrawn and unable to express myself #and most of the time I can handle all that and keep the situation afloat #but sometimes I can't #because I'm human #anyway I've been distancing myself from Pretty Girl for probably stupid reasons #but I have a hard time talking to her about it like an adult #it doesn't help that so much is going on in her life that I've just #given up the idea to take up space in it I think #ah that's the gist of it actually #rambling myself to realisation lol #Pretty Girl Who Maybe Wants to Kiss Me

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knaveofmogadore · 1 month

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Kfkdks

#messages from knave #im making breakfast and im gonna list my observations from three years of weird living situations #younger siblings of big age gaps will see most interactions as a form of soft combat until trained out of it #but when actual clmbat happens they're used to not having any sway so they don't actually know how to act in arguments #siblings with codependent relationships have their own internal langauge that they apply to others. not sure if they realize they do it #but they'll hold you to the same rules they've mentally created for each other without explaining them #siblings of ALL stripes will approach situations with a set idea of how communication works. and even if it's not a logical way to communica #they'll expect you to also communicate in that way. and if you can't or refuse they'll shut down and communication stalls completely because #they can't fathom doing it any other way except the way they and their siblings socialized each other to do it #siblings with adversarial relationships don't take outside advice and will take attempts to give advice as manipulative. not their fault #oldest siblings are the most conflict averse people on the planet. oldest sinlings say #'is anyone gonna balloon this situation out of proportion by avoiding it for as long as possible' and not wait for an answer #siblings who were regularly appointed as hall monitors will see any interaction with you as transactional #a hallmark of a dysfunctional sibljng relationship is someone who thinks telling you NO is worse than going through a situation they do not #wanna be in. and then they'll complain about it endlessly #and then they'll be like 'i don't want favours from my parents because they'll hold it over me' and never make the connection on their own #people cannot anticipate your needs with their minds. they are sometimes going to ask you to be a part of things you don't wanna #you're NEVER gonna be able to live in a world where people will stop asking you to be a part of things that's not feasible #had one say once 'people should just know not to ask me along for plans I can't get to people should know not to invite me'#and you know dude that's just now how stuff works. there's a difference between 'x cant drive so they can't help me move my dresser' and #'i know xs work schedule so i shouldnt infomr them of group plansnon the off chance they could make it so they don't feel left out'#people with hyper competitive siblings can't fathom that other people won't know how to do stuff. i don't just mean athletes but siblings #with that scarcity mindsetnin general like they can't handle people not having the same knowledge base they have. it's a survival thing #and NO having a life of suffering doesn't make you correct all the time has literally anyone else watched heathers #youngest siblings always have the most deranged dating stories and the oldest in a set of age gap siblings always has the WORST taste in men #< that's directed at my sister and no one else that's a personal diss not a real observation #only children have one thing. theyre SUPER weird about splitting the grocery bill #food is NOT communal to only children I've learned firsthand. Also they'll be perfectly fine sharing anything else BUT food usually #weed. loans. bathroom supplies. dishes. ect. but NOT food #meanwhile sibljngs are a little TOO comfortable chowing down on stuff they didn't buy. bad roommates are bad roommates

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