#bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a
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#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol#but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int#account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this#weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away#bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a#really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her#shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you#basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine#its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares#to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in#years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it?#mrow.org
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What kind of relationship do you think Ayano and Kano have? Especially considering this shitshow going on with them and Shintaro
answer is here but... >:3
both are very messed up and filled with guilt/feelings of failure over their whole thing from back then. kano is so ashamed he ended up doing the things he did even if under the threat of saeru and ayano is ashamed she even dragged him into it in the first place, only to end up leaving him & seto and kido alone... she feels like such a failure :((
i think ayano would rly try to talk about it, but disregards all of kano's own remorse and just like kido and seto she's like yeah u shouldve said something but its ok we're family and ayano is even more like this bc she feels so RESPONSIBLE for kano's mistakes she's like oh my GOOOOD especially for shit like having to pretend to be her corpse, ayano rly feels like she's singlehandedly put kano through hell. so she's all over him like a worried mom lol
and he IS all messed up but he's like id rather get stabbed again than be honest abt all these feelings of dread bc what am i supposed to say?? that i feel empty and clueless and lost and sad and undeserving even though everything is ok and my sister is back?? in what world do i have the right to feel the way i do after all the mistakes ive made. like who cares i feel undeserving, its not about me. if anything its about kido&seto getting ayano back. its about ayano getting her life back!!
but ayano keeps acting so apologetic and remorseful and it makes kano so sick. bc how can she feel so responsible, it wasn't her. it was clearing eyes. kano is so angry that ayano and also even shintaro&mary keep blaming themselves for things that weren't their fucking fault it was CLEARING and kano's like IM the only one who knew for so long and didnt say anything. if anyone's a fucking asshole its me!!!!
so... i think both kano and ayano are going to each other like i know ur hurting talk to me💖 no im fine. YOURE doing badly. talk to me. NO YOU NO YOU NO YOU and its stupid
and for the whole shintaro stuff. well kano IS SO MAD at him because 1. hes dating his sister and is overprotective over her 2. he is FUCKING UP with his sister making it WORSE 3. HE LIKES HIM *HOLDS HEAD* DESPITE IT ALL HE LIKES HIM SO MUCH💔💔💔
erm. after ayano's breakthrough/kano starting to see shintaro etc etc i think... both kano and shintaro are so terrified of their relationship so ofc they wouldnt tell anyone. which is why itd be 10000 times funnier if theyre caught. idk how that would go but i just know itd be funny. i havent given it much thought yet but i just want it to be a sitcom moment i love secret relationships and characters finding out one by one
erm abt how ayano would react i think shed be surprisingly chill about it?? like she's not mad or not even weirded out she's probably just like hehe THERE IS something to like isnt there shuuya :3 and kano wants to die. maybe she'd be iffy if its very fresh after breakup with shintaro she's like girl ur not ready for a relationship LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE‼️‼️‼️ but it all depends in what mental context she is at. also if she was like this, kano and shintaro freak out like RELATIONSHIP⁉️ WHO SAID ANYTHING ABT A RELATIONSHIP WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP and its so ridiculous and insane. lol.
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i really think about vane so often. he has so much in common w flint maybe not biographically but the parallels btwn them are really underrated i think. like theyre both so principled but the difference is that flint’s principles were forged w Love. loving thomas and loving miranda (and then later loving silver and madi) were so important to flint’s war cuz at the end of the day he was fighting it for the people he loved. whereas vane’s principles were born of violence and bloodlust and ultimately a desire for freedom above all. like that weird little conversation in miranda’s house where vane was like i dont need comfort i would rather die than be comfortable and flint is like...ok it was all about vane saying that love and comfort and domesticity might as well be shackles! to him love+comfort is something that WEAKENS rather than STRENGTHENS and he wouldnt risk being weakened bc he needs to defend his freedom its the most important thing in the world to him! his principles r the most important thing in the world to him. and to him, love would weaken that. he doesnt want to even be able to betray his principles for love.
but ofc how can a person be whole and happy without having ever felt unconditional love and comfort? it’s tragic the way vane never experiences that and the only thing he clings to is freedom and the strength he needs to defend it. flint’s struggle is defined by love and vane’s by a lack of it. flint’s hallucination of miranda says to him “When I first met you, you were so... unformed. And then I spoke and bade you cast aside your shame, and Captain Flint was born into the world... the part of you that always existed yet never were you willing to allow into the light of day. I was mistress to you when you needed love. I was wife to you when you needed understanding. But first and before all... I was mother.” and at first i thought that was so strange but then later in the jail cell. eleanor is lost to vane just as surely as miranda is lost to flint. and eleanor says to him “You're not a man. You're deformed. Unformed. Flesh, bone, and bile, and missing all that which takes shape through a mother's love. You cannot comprehend what you took from me or why it was good, because there is no goodness in you. There is no humanity in you, no capacity for compromise, nor instinct toward repair, nor progress.” the good that miranda and thomas did for flint was literally bringing him into the world by loving him. that love keeps flint going, even thru the worst times in his life, even when it seems like everything is lost. that capacity for compromise, that instinct for repair and progress is because flint was loved and loved in return. and vane never was. that parallel is explicit but subtle. unformed, before the formative love of a mother.
obv eleanor was going a little hard on him cuz she hated him LOL like vane WAS principled! equally as principled as flint and madi! but flint and madi were people who cared deeply about love and community and humanity. but the reason that vane will always choose violence and brutality over love and comfort is not just bc he’s never really felt love and comfort is bc those principles that flint and madi internalized with love? vane internalized w violence. like flint was inspired to fight for freedom for his lost loves, madi was inspired to fight for freedom for her people, and vane was inspired to fight for freedom cuz what gave him freedom to begin w was violence. he was a slave as a child, and then blackbeard, the most fucked up guy EVER, took him under his wing and brought him to nassau, which is a cesspool of violence and also vane’s only real home. everything good in vane’s life, his freedom, his principles, was bought w blood. and he considers that its better that way bc he thinks that love would weaken him.
and the crazy thing is that the narrative ultimately proves vane right! flint’s love for silver and thomas prevents flint from killing silver or abandoning thomas to keep on fighting, so even tho flint doesn’t die, his struggle does. vane would never have been caught up in some shit like that. he would never let himself be weakened by love. he lets himself be hanged bc this is his struggle, and it is to the war that he’s pledged himself to beyond anything. its interesting bc the only person of similar conviction, the only person who would never EVER betray the war, not for a beloved’s life, not for the men’s, not for their own, is madi. madi is probably the only other person on the show who would have or could have done what vane did. and this is the interesting part bc while flint’s struggle is WEAKENED by his love for silver and thomas madi’s struggle is STRENGTHENED by her love for her people. vane and madi’s dynamic would have been FASCINATING bc this is absolutely the first time it would ever have occurred to vane that love doesnt have to be a crack in the armor! that principles forged in blood and violence can be just as strong or stronger if forged instead in a fiercely loving community!
and those unbreakable principles that unstoppable campaign for freedom whether based in violence or based in love is WHY both vane and madi have the reputations they do. it’s why flint says about madi that “There isn't a man or woman in Nassau who'd argue that she isn't the best of them all." it’s why billy says that “By stirring resentment, finding sympathetic ears, reminding them that Charles Vane was once the best of them-- still is the best of them.”
anyways. thesis statement of this is that flint is similar to vane and flint is similar to madi and vane is similar to madi and the major differences btwn them is the role that love plays in their lives and their struggles. to charles vane keep thotting it up in heaven king
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ok im talkative, i wanna talk about the first crush baseball play and what i liked/would change/all that other hogabalooga its under the cut
first off, i LOVE how all the characters in this play were basically just the natsugumi members on stage, it didnt feel like they were playing a character at all they were just themselves. i rlly felt the personalization and how tailored this play was FOR natsugumi and i hope everyone gives tsuzuru and lil forehead kiss for his hard work, this play was so well made
i like how love is kinda the motif in this play, but i dont think it was like... mentioned enough within the play? theyre ‘in love’ with nationals, theyre ‘in love’ with baseball, theyre ‘in love’ with washimiya, and for the two leads let’s admit it, theyre in love with each other.
everyone having a thing for washimiya is such a funny running gag too, i wish it was mentioned more, it wouldve also give more room for her to set her place as the manager. of course the scene where she stands in for inoue shows her perseverance, but i think a repetition OF that said perseverance wouldve absolutely driven the story further into why everyone loves her and praises her, and ESPECIALLY for the two leads who desperately are trying to impress her.
which leads me into the leads themselves, akiyama and inoue couldve been portrayed a lot better if it was like... hm.. if they were like trying to go to nationals because of washimiya at first, as most of the play its about wanting to impress her and win her over. but eventually towards the end, its about impressing one another, with them forming a battery wanting to win nationals could be staying together and making it to the top as a battery. even THEN akiyama does mostly want to play baseball just for himself as he alone as a passion for baseball, which is fine, but it wouldnt hurt to incorporate washimiya and inoue into his motives.
unrelated, but i like the idea of everyone being head over heels for washimiya, and the entire play being this idea of being ‘in love’ and akiyama and inoue are sure as hell in love... just not with washimiya. like uehara will go “hey isnt washimiya sooooo pretty?” and akiyama will go “yeahhh.....washimiya...” while staring at inoue as he puts on his gear. i refuse to believe these characters were straight.
im absolutely obsessed w the akiyama’s line of ‘i can still pitch!’ and how closely it relates with kumon. it drives me fucking nuts i wish i could project to u the kumon scene that plays in my head when i think of that line. ofc i cant be too harsh on this part bc it is just a lil chibi play so they cant fit a lot, but i consider that line to be the peak of the play and the biggest climax, so it couldve been done more justice w some build up or smth idk.
another misc thing that bothered me was the lack of development for the other three. of course there was a brief mention of ono wanting to become less timid, enomoto practicing on his own time and uehara just overall starting to show up to practice. but i think putting them on the scene where theyre playing for nationals wouldve been the nail in the coffin to show how far theyve gotten. i get that that scene is a very heavy akiyama and inoue centered scene, but if they even had a cameo before akiyama begins pitchings, it wouldve been better i think.
tldr:
- the plays characters were written so perfectly for natsugumi<3
- love is the play’s motif, but it shouldve been mentioned more so it was more obvious.
- this love motif also leads to wanting to impress washimiya, then later wanting to impress the rest of the team
- akiyama’s climatic line shouldve had more buildup
- the other 3 characters shouldve had more development
#i bolded things so its semi easier to read#also i think im gonna ramble more often on here it feels nice :)
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tbh it kinda... idk irks me?? when ppl act like they have to choose either zuko or azula... lke... Why not both.. u don’t have to pick extreme sides
longass ramble under the cut bc i’m very passionate abt the fire nation kids
azula is a villain yea but shes. widely misunderstood by the fandom. she suffered from bad parenting as much as zuko
n yeah a lot of that is due to how zuko portrays her but i. honestly don’t blame him?
so like. u have an abusive father right. he like. idolizes ur younger sister. who is better than you. ur constantly put down by ur father bc ur Not As Good TM
a lot of ppl say that zuko didnt put in as much work as azula. she’s not a prodigy, that she worked hard for what she has. which very well is true in their later years
but also when he was ‘happy’ and they were children, you could see how hard he was working. i don’t blame him for just. giving up after he was banished. he got easily frustrated. relied on his short fuse and anger for power. it’s stated that much
then there’s a whole other issue abt how he . took advantage of azula’s breakdown when they had the agni kai? but? she was literally... helping their father... he didn’t hurt her. he just. captured her. he took no pleasure in it. he just saw it as smth he had to do
n then there’s the fucking comics. do NOT get me started on the comics. ableist af. out of character AF. i doubt it was by the same writers. honestly. don’t consider them canon. i mean they are but . it’s just like the drama that happened bc of aang ‘neglecting’ his kids. it’s just bad writing.
it’s a fictional character meant to portray a plot point or idea. if they realized how bad the implications of him neglecting his children were they wouldnt have done it. but they wanted drama. the ‘real aang XDDD’ wouldnt have done it. just like the real zuko wouldnt have been so nasty to azula
it’s extremely distasteful and OOC that he kept azula in prison throughout the comics but honestly. i doubt she wouldve listened to him if he tried to get her to be peaceful. i wouldnt blame her after her own brother betrayed her but, she has a lot of pride. very strong belief in her actions and contempt for him. also just went through a breakdown.
ok now. onto azula
i love azula so fucking much like. beyond words. but. saying she’d?? be a better ruler is ????? you can be a good character... n be a horrible pick to take position of power.
she took well to power but she also didnt treat the ppl under her well at all esp after she got betrayed. like i doubt.. she could trust a council. maybe if ty lee and mai hadn’t pulled that shit but
now that’s also to say, you can be a good person and a bad ruler, and a bad person and a good ruler.
however in her case... she didnt get real love from her only genuine parent. the parent who favored her was using her. she had mental illnesses and many betrayals. she took power to her head
so anyways back to like. how ppl say it’s zuko’s fault that the fandom demonizes azula
azula is still a villain no matter how much she’s been manipulated by her father. she acts on her own accord even as a child
ppl criticize zuko for being like ‘azula always lies’ but i dont even necessarily he was seeing it as like. oh my sister sucks like. oh azula just plays tricks on me thats what she does haha its a PRANK BRO. not to mention, a lot of the things zuko blames azula for, ozai himself planted into his head? such as, ‘she was born lucky. i’m lucky to be born.’ he didn’t come up with that. his father said it.
i’m getting super fucking off topic but AGAIN back to defending azula, to deal with neglect a lot of ppl pretend they just. didnt care in the first place. if she was idolized and put on a pedestal by her father ofc she’d favor him. if she was always scolded and looked down on her mother for how she picked up fire nation ideals ofc she’d come to resent her in turn
ofc she’d act mischevious n act more and more like her father in order to both please him and spite her mother
i can also see why a moping and bitter zuko who lashes out at the person who cares abt him grates on people’s nerves as opposed to azula, who always takes initiative and is straightforward, who has a compelling character and arc. but i also see both as very real survivor stories, even if both are extreme
zuko is far from fucking perfect. he did blame things on azula that weren’t her fault. he did lash out at iroh. but she also did some bad shit. despite being redeemable (and why the fuck didnt they redeem her! lmao!) she still did things.
n people act like zuko was redeemed so easily and all was forgiven so fast when... that’s not the case?
i don’t think anyone in the fandom thinks either are blameless or heartless but can we try to. balance both sides out a bit.
#NOT NEGATIVE just a large. ramble#abuse mention /#atla#long post under cut#i love analyzing characters
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Episode #6: “Can i PLEASE get a blindside.” - Jared
ok so basically the game has been sooo quiet and ive like. felt dead. idk. i had a breakdown last night bc of it and i cried on my couch (KNOW THERE WAS A LOT MORE THAN THIS LKSDJGKLDSGLS I WOULDNT CRY PURELY BC OF THAT) but yaaa and now im better but like the entire day i was throwing up in class (or like feeling anxious im exaggerating sorry) about going home.
i didnt want mo out but with that being said i didnt want anyone out?? after i mentioned to him that stephen/mo were targeting each other, rhys came to me with the idea that like him jared chloe and i should make a chat, and i was down for that bc it would secure my positioning and like ALSGKSDG who'd flip on an alliance THIS early.. right?? right..
chloe was really not talkative with me. stephen/jared were active so i appreciate that immensely. im just thrown off. i dont really know who i can or cant trust.
OK ALSO SIDE NOTE CHRIS SENT ME [IM NOT EXAGGERATING] 55+ MSGS SPILLING TEA ABOUT HOW THE TUATHA HAD AN OG ALLIANCE WITH EVERYONE BUT MITCH + MAYNOR - which i knew about but LASKGLDKS AHHHH. and he leaked that stephen wanted kori/bryce targeted and i leaked that to bryce to further stephens target. IM JUST SO MESSY LOL
also i kind of predicted a swap likeee omfg. and i dont know how i feel. i kind of felt safe on my tribe??? but like.. oh no. anyway, my tribe isnt super dominant in challenges or anything (compared 2 the other tribe who has bryce/stephen/drew), but i think we can win a lipsync since we have a woman, gay men, and a metrosexual male who has an outgoing personality (and i mean that in the nicest way obviously). IDK I HOPE WE WIN BC THAT TRIBAL WAS HORRIFIC AND I LOVE MO SO MUCH AND AHH.
ill probs give a video soon in more depth with what chris said. yalls deserve it.. oops period.
I HOPE YALL CAN FORGIVE ME. im eating hotdog. bye bye love u all.
Wow I like the whole tribe! Alyssa is probably my front runner of talking and honestly she's great! I am in her spell ahhhh but hey JARED is here too woo! I think at least with Mitch and Zach too I'll be safe but I'll see! This challenge could either go really well or really badly for us but I'm excited to do anything creativity!!
I absolutly love my tribe at the moment, i'm getting along well with alot of them except Kori who i haven't spoken to much at all but im confident in our abilities to win! Jared is talking a little bit about wanting the game to pick up a little bit and i agree to some extent however blindsiding someone just for the sake of a blindside isn't smart gameplay so im just gonna lay low nd continue making those strong bonds here there and everywhere to hopfully come out on top should we end up at tribal
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Can i PLEASE get a blindside
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hi it's 6 am but rhys fucking filmed vertically so if we lose he automatically has my vote
I feel good but also scared. I dont think I'll do as good of a job as I hope, but it also is turning out decently so far. My biggest concern is time. With having work tomorrow, I can only do the editing on my lunch break of 90 minutes, then whenever i get home which probably wont be until 6, given the upload time that leaves me with about 3 hours in total. Hopefully I'll be able to work with Rhys and Jack's stuff, as i think it'll be easier for me to do it then. Regardless, I'm gonna be a zombie but LOL this is the second Wednesday in a row I stayed up late except this is not for school and instead of 3 hours, ima get 2 hours of sleep haha that is so sad and funny and heebee jeebee zoinks, alright goodnight
Two things:
1) there's really nothing quite like making a fool of yourself multiple times in a single org, just to be immune for one round.
2) i am horrible at looking for idols
So Matt just told me he thinks we’re gonna have a double tribal right before merge which is like ew I hate that throw it out please, speaking of throwing out uh Kori can go because he’s wearing on my nerves like yes we’re gonna get things done on time calm down please and thanks.
these people are actually delulu if they think that video is winning. no fucking way we are winning. time to go to tribal!
So the swap has happened, and I get what is almost probably my worst case scenario player-wise. All of my close allies, with the exception of Kori, are currently on Cyrena. Meaning that winning immunity isn't even really good, since it puts them in danger.
I think there's a way to make this bad situation good though. Getting to finally work with Michael, Matt, Loris, and Drew can actually be a blessing in disguise. If I get on their good sides now, they might clue me into their plans once merge rolls around. That's the hope, anyway. For now my goal is just to survive being swapped with a bunch of people I've barely spoke to!
The past 24 hours have been major toughie for me. Staying up late and then trying to manage editing a video, work, and time constraints, and I won't lie, its been exhausting, but I didn't want to let my tribe down, or anyone down I guess. A little ways through, I kinda felt pretty defeated and then learning at last minute it was due an hour before I predicted made me panic A LOT internally, but it does seem like the tribe likes it so if we do lose and if they do vote me out, I can look back at this and feel like I did something right.
Well a lots happened and to be honest at times life and this game move too quick for me to even remember if I've mentioned it. We swapped, and I'm trying to just keep myself afloat however I can.
The challenge was overly stressful and I have no idea if we'll pull it out. Editing has been so stressful and I've found new appreciation for the people that do it. I just hope whatever I whip together will just be enough so that I can breathe and really take stalk of my new situation.
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So, I haven't been around a whole bunch recently. However I'm glad we didn't go to tribal, that could've been a reason if my name came up. So I'm glad I have time to more cement my bonds on this tribe and keep my name out of peoples mouths.
We JUST WON IMMUNITY WOOHOO. I was kind of nervous with a music challenge considering the only other one I did previously I did not do the greatest in :P. Both videos were amazing and im so glad Eve and Jones's mom liked ours significantly greater than the other one! As far as my position is concerned, I am reunited with Jared and our relationship is still strong I think so that's good. Stephen I am HOPING will be ok by just latching on to Kori at least for premerge. Those two are still the ones I trust the most, but I also like Alyssa Chris and Zach. I WISH i could connect more with jack, but i feel like every time we play together it gets more difficult to hold a conversation, so that's a yikes. Jared myself and stephen are diligently working on the idol search, but it's likely already found. I'm pretty sure there are too many components for someone to just find it by themselves
WELL. Im a target tonight! God we really do love that for me. We really do. Kori, eat my fucking ass. You leave me on read all the time. And then you have the NERVE. THE ACTUAL NERVE. to be like "omg stop slipping in my dm's!" Boo if you didn't leave me on read constantly then maybe i would actually want to speak to you! an actual moron.
And then STEPHEN HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY to me like "ya lol i'll be at tribal i'll make the decision between you and Kori at tribal!". BOI. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU GET TRUST IN SOMEONE. Its fucking ridiculous.
Thank god Michael is in my corner, hopefully drew and bryce too. I am NOT getting 15th right now, no way. I am BETTER than this. i am going to make it work, tim gunn style. maybe its time to break the fajitas and channel their energy once again
Why do I go on the initiative literally ever? I'm clearly bad at it, I wasn't even remotely thinking things through and I SHOULD have let Stephen or someone else suggest someone but no I had to be mildly greedy and wanna send home Matt whom I barely DM.
I already flopped editing the video, and now here I am flopping the social/stategy game that I love playing supposedly.
Of course I tried reaching out to Michael and Drew FOOLISHLY because I wanted to build trust and maybe work with them. So naturally Michael tells Matt because ofc they'd be close as would Drew probably since he and Michael have been together since Day 1. As it stands I'm stuck praying Loris is gonna vote with me and it just sucks because I'm so bad at this game.
I'm trying to keep a cool head right now because there's still time. Stephen and I are trying to work logistics, see if we need to switch the vote to say Michael in case of an idol, but I'm not sure Loris/Bryce would be on board for that.
There's a pretty good chance that I'm definitely dead. But I'ma fight to the bitter end!
Today I learned from Stephen that Kori is in some dangerous water. He I guess said Matt's name to Michael who told Matt and now them and Drew are voting Kori. However Bryce and Stephen and perhaps Loris are all voting Matt. Now this is good if it works because honestly that group having to endure their numbers dwindling is good for my game. It only leaves Jack and Alyssa but I think we better be careful because I can see both of them slipping through the inevitable war zone that is gonna be happening.
Today's been a pretty informative day for me. After losing the immunity challenge by a hair, I was worried because I didn't think I had bonded very well with my current tribe through One World, luckily for me, that doesn't seem to be their biggest concern at the moment.
During the initial stages of the vote, I talked to Kori and the two of us decided Matt would be the easiest target to take out. I was leaning towards voting Matt because we hadn't talked very much, so hearing Kori was on board right away simplified things for sure. Bryce and Loris both seem to be on board with it too so I shouldn't have anything to worry about at this point.
In the morning, things got a whole lot more complicated. Matt found out he was the target through Michael, and began his campaign to get Kori out instead of himself. I'm not entirely sure why Michael decided to do this, but it doesn't make much of a difference at this point. Matt campaigned to me, and I sorta pretended to be on the fence. I was listening to what he said, but Kori is realistically one of my closest allies, there's no way I'm voting him out to side with people I had just met.
Once campaign season got under way, I had a conversation with Chris. Chris tells me that on original Orfeo, him, Loris, and Zach believed there was an alliance of Chloe/Sharky/Drew/Michael formed. This explains not only why Sharky was seen as an easy boot on swap-Tuatha, but also why Michael wants to keep Matt instead of Kori. With Chloe re-joining after tribal, him/Drew/Chloe/Matt would form a tight majority. Without Matt, they're a minority.
I proposed an idea to switch the vote from Matt to Michael or Drew. I said it was because I was worried about an idol, but this alliance is the real reason I wanted to do it. However, Kori, Loris, and Bryce are comfortable with the status quo and since it's not my neck on the line I didn't feel the need to push too hard.
Me, Kori, and Bryce now also have an alliance with Loris, which is cool? I haven't gotten very close with Loris yet but he seems like a smart player tied to Chris and Zach which spells good things for us working together in the future. Assuming I survive this vote and have a future, of course.
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hi I think I might make it past final 15 that’s nice umm... I suggested an alliance of me Bryce Stephen Kori to counter the potential power of chloe Matt Michael and drew once chloe joins our tribe because my brain is massive. but now we’re like scared for idols . scary shih anyways like how r u I’m good.
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oh huh tribes r gonna be even again next round... so I have to make this conf by default just in case of a you know what wait no anna u said no more 24 hour challenges QUEEN ... thank god I can’t be bothered to delete this so she’s being SENT
Right now there's so many things running through my head with the introduction of Matts vote steal, because realistically i could convince him to give to me or i could keep him around as a potential shield. I don't want to do it to the guy but also a vote steal could shift the tides of the game in my favour later down the line. so it's a difficult decision and one id rather have more time to contemplate.
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Wooo ok operation vote steal is a go and next round we’ll be swimming in green hopefully but with one world sis og tribe lines just ain’t it!
God im over this tribal. Like ugh these people really are under Kori's mist so like im probably going home. Do I think i might be able to survive? a small glimmer of hope says yes, but i'm not confident. God im just... so annoyed at this. Im clearly on the outs here and I just HOPE i can pull through i just am so scared. I know if i do leave though that I have fought my damn hardest to stay tonight. Im trying to think of the positives because its hard to do so because im being sad atm.. UGH.
the fajitas really have failed me tonight, their light has dimmed and their guidance is no more. i am now with the darkness. we r one.
Oh my fucking god my heart is breaking. Matt is basically in such a deep hole he's going to go home, unless he plays an idol. And Alyssa has an idol. And she doesn't think it's smart to use it on him because Michael says he's just gonna go home next round. His social game hasn't been up to snuff and they're gonna boot him regardless, so she wants to keep us with power and let him go. And I agree with her. Which kills me. I'm usually able to just be a robot when it comes to this like yes I will make the smarter decision if it means I'll be emotionally torn, and this is such an instance. Luckily, it's not my idol to give up. Yes Alyssa says it's "our" idol but it's her call end of the day. I just... fuck. This is all stars man. And I'm actually starting to feel, for once.
Well it's about an hour before tribal and at least on it's surface it would seem Matt is going. I'm not confident though because any number of things COULD happen. I'm hoping there's no idol play, just because I feel like pre-merge just isn't a good look for me.
If Matt does pull something off, then kudos to him, and if it's me that'd make this my final confessional for the season. I've had such an amazing time playing and while I feel like I've been playing a lower key game on purpose I feel like I'm doing what I can to really come into my own. I hope the bonds I've made are gonna stick and that everything works out for us.
But if it doesn't I guess I'll have to find a way to be ok with that. This has been such a unique All-Stars experience so far, and I hope I can take what I've gotten from it and make myself better for it. (Also highkey hopefully this isn't my last confessional and I'm getting sentimental for no reason.)
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Kori is voted out 4-3.
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1-hey karyl can I ask u smth ? basically I have my best friend who I really love but recently she did smth that really pissed me off. Thing is in my country the education system is SHIT like even employers know it and theyll always pick som1 with a foreign degree over a local one. So I applied to a bunch of unis abroad and im really nervous cause i already wasted a year (i graduated hs last june but ive had to deal with family shit) and usually unis prefer people fresh out of hs
2-I was telling my friend about how nervous I am abt this and how much of a disaster it would be if i didnt get incause who would accept som1 2 years after they graduated and she was like “oh i wish u wouldnt get in but I know u will” cause basically she wants me to stay with her even tho it wouldnt be good for me and implying im selfish even tho i worked my ass off for this opportunity ? and that was really offputting idk am I overreacting ? Anyways thanks for reading this shit love youuuuu💘
o boy… this got…very long fdjskgfk i had to put it under a read more hhh
first off, i know its late but i wanna congratulate you on graduating high school!! im proud of you. you worked hard and that really is something worth celebrating!!
second, youre not overreacting dw!!
sometimes friends do things that tick you off, and that’s normal because you cant get along with someone all the time 24/7, we cant even get along with ourselves sometimes lmao. but!! what your friend is implying really is selfish, and if she constantly thinks about her wellbeing over hers, then shes the only one whos happy. the person thats selfish in this situation is her, since she is hindering you from good life experiences, and situations like this can be worked around. nobody should be getting in your way for an opportunity to get a better education, especially since you feel that way about your education system. she should understand why youre doing this, i mean, you live in the same place– she should know what the limitations of education is there, and she should know how much of a great opportunity it is for you to have the chance to expand yourself instead of thinking “oh. you cant leave me because then ill be sad :(” because to me, i feel like that will just bring me down even more.
talk to your friend, tell her that she should consider your feelings more too, and that if there really comes a time that the two of you will be separated, this is a time you can thank technology for existing. the world has gotten so advanced and we’re all so connected through the internet its beautiful!! we’re capable of making friends without having to fly anywhere. save money live better LOL
you can message each other, skype/facetime, and even plan trips for you to go back home or for her to visit you if ever you leave. if she still doesnt understand then im sorry to say that your friend is… not a very good friend. it can get really hard to actually really tell yourself “is this person really good for me or are we just here because of how much time we’ve spent together?” and ofc i’ll leave that to you to evaluate, but if attitudes like this from her persist and its bringing your mood down, then like.. is she really a good friend?
there are so many things in life you have to sacrifice and work around to be able to achieve your goals. a friend is supposed to be there to support you, not guilt trip you and give you second thoughts about opportunities like this. since i dont know her i obviously cant tell you “cut ties rite now!!” bc thats not right lol im not in the position to do that, and to be able to distinguish supportive, good, kind, loving friends from the. …. opposite of that is growth. very painful growth, but its growth!!
also!! i just want to say, take your time. i know you might feel “behind” since youre not fresh out of high school, but everyone has their own pace. it took me a while, but dont compare your own goals to other people’s goals because thats what really slows you down and makes you doubt over things not worth doubting over. believe in yourself!!! you’ll get accepted somewhere ok trust me 💝💝💝
if you still want to apply to more schools, you can try applying here in canada if you havent yet!! i know university of toronto is pretty good, as well as university of BC, university of alberta, university of calgary, macewan university, and even colleges like norquest and nait!!
good luck with everything and i’ll keep you in my thoughts 😌 not 2 be that cheesy bich but you can do anything if you really, really put your mind into it. positive thinking does wonders!!! my first year of uni was rough like i didnt kno what the fuck i was doing LOL but i pulled thru!! put 100% effort into everything you do bc you never know where that effort will lead to ❣️❣️❣️
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greetings loved ones ! i love snoop dogg deal with it ! im benzo im literal trash thanks for checking in lmao im so excited for this u have no fkn idea boo ( feel free 2 msg me or like this post if ur too lazy n i will contact u once i get back home ) i love twd and alanna masterson a lot ( ok twd is becoming a lil bad but ima still watch it tho ) so this is a huge deal for me to play her n also my first time so dont ride my dick like this if theres something wrong with her or smth pls bare w me ! under the read more u will find a bit more about my babe MELANIE MILLER and about the connections and stuff keep in mind that im still trying to figure her out and all that stuff so have fun !
mel has lived all of her life in hermosa beach, she was born and raised there and loves it and would never ever leave it here she’s shocked and upset her parents decided to move out of there which takes us to her current living status: she lived with her parents until she turned 21, she rented an apartment and has been living on her own ever since. her father was the local owner of THE BAR ( ya the bar its called THE BAR dont make a big deal outta it have u not seen gone girl? jeez ) and when they moved out of hermosa to travel around the world with all the bar’s funding they left mel in charge of it and its been a crazy ride for her bc she literally knew nothing about how to manage a bar but now she does and shes an ace !
SHES THE YOUNGER DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL, she has three brothers ( canon masterson boys bc i love them ALL esp jordan ) who eventually come visit her n she loves them with all her damn heart ! her family means the most to her and shes always happy to have them around like u have no idea how much ! she also has a little niece ( i didnt wanted mel to have a child but I CANT CUT OFF ALL THE CUTE MARLOWE PICS SO ) who means absolutely everything to her ! she loves kids bc she considers herself a child at heart mmmm
her label is the BENEVOLENT meaning she’s really caring and soft and sweet. picture jess day from new girl minus all the glitter and girly things. mel is kind of a tomboy who wouldnt mind to wear dresses on special occasions ! lmao she’s super funny but will always bring the dad jokes to the table but lbr who doesnt love a dad joke lmao shes rly weird but in that sweet nice way you know ?
she was born in a very religious family and she always did what her parents wanted to so now that she’s all on her own she’s like free and ready to be wild but she’s like am i really ready for this ? am i as wild as everyone else seem to be ? she’s very responsible she was RAISED that way and she can’t help it ofc sometimes she’s like you know what i dont care im going to do it.... will i regret it? probably but i dont care !
mel is ALL AGAINST conflict shes the one to talk her way through things and be as civil as possible unless you wanna get wild she will probably walk the heck away from u and be like “not gonna have it, my dude !” you know? she loves attention but she never shows, shes kinda insecure about her looks in general and she pulls it off in a funny way like im gonna drag myself before u do so dont bother.... she is very sensitive but its going to take you a little bit harder than “u look bad” to make her feel bad you know.... she will probably cry later when no ones around but shes not going to let you know !
shes so aesthetic she loves art, painting, music, museums, the stars, the moon and everything else ... she believes 100% in alien and supports the theory that THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE she lowkey scully and mulders child lmaooo
she got a major in psychology so listening to people and comforting them is the thing she loves the most ! she lives for the present, dont talk to her about her past or ask her about the future that kinda annoys her although shes soft hearted and all she likes being straight up with almost everyone ! if you wanna die lie to her um she aint gonna kill u u idiot but she gonna cut u right tf off without hesitation !
PISCES SUN / GEMINI MOON / ARIES RISING !
shes an emotional wreck, she literally has no luck at all with love shes a fucking mess she falls for the wrong person EVERY FREAKING TIME ( i can relate ) she covers her emotions ( when talking about love and relationships ) with indifference and humor most of the time she be like “i dont rly need someone to constantly be there for me men aint shit” but she be crying in her sleep for someone to cuddle her every night lmao thats the way she is man u gotta love her
WANTED CONNECTIONS
SO BASICALLY i love new girl a lot and i love it specially bc it gives u so many ideas for connections and stuff lmao if u want some inspo check a new girl blog and we will get a connection from it lol but yeah my most wanted connections as of right now are:
friends to lovers: they are RIDES OR DIES basically, it doesnt have to be like uh they known each other forever nah its alright if they just met like a year ago anyway they p much together all the time and one of them ( either ur muse or mel idc ) start to feel things for the other and its annoying bc they dont wanna ruin this thing at all .... plot twist ? if u like to watch ur characters suffer, like ME ! maybe this thing is a ONE SIDED THING like one has feelings and the other is like lmao yikes ! so everything slowly becomes awkward ! i dont rly know i dont mind how this actually turns out tbh as long as we have it !
bestfriends: ALMOST SIBLINGS they have known each other for literally YEARS they went to school, high school and maybe college together ! p much melanie is the mother and ur muse is the reckless teenager whos always asking for help but they love each other a lot ! think about cece/jess from new girl :)
roomies ( 0 / 3 ): they all different from one another its a miracle they all get along this well ! they are a huge fucking mess but they are there for each other all the time ! they all live in a loft or a house idk we could figure that out laters ! ( tba )
exes: well okay as explained before, mel is a huge mess when it comes to love ! this could go two ways, they ended on bad terms but try to be as civil maybe ? melanie is a caring loving bitch but when shes in a relationship her insecurities take over most of the times and thats why it messes everything up and MAYBE thats one of the reasons why they broke up ? idk man we can work something out.... OR THEY ENDED ON REALLY NICE GOOD TERMS and still care for each other and its like they are there for each other but its kinda awkward bc do we still love each other like that or are we like family now ? you know ? I DONT MIND MELANIE HAVING LIKE TWO EXES SO LMAO
sugar daddy: is she into that daddy kink ? whO KNOWS ! but lately shes been drooling over u and its kinda nice but shes afraid bc this will probably end up really bad but shes still willing to take one for the team !
big little lies ( 0 / 5 ): MY FAVORITE SHOW so im thinking a group of FIVE to SIX powerful women ( who havent killed anyone yet so chill ) who are there for each other and have wine nights and sit by the fire to talk about their days and stuff like that so yeah that would be so cute ! ( tba )
conspiracy theories buddy: they dont just talk about conspiracy theories but they do lmao also “did u heard about the haunted house up in the hills? wanna go?” they vibe Hard its 4 am n they texting about aliens the universe and sutff like that ! ( tba )
ok thats p much all i can think of ! if there any other connection u wanna have dont hesitate to let me know ! i love sharing ideas and crying over headcanons so its fine by me ! also im running late to work so if u wanna plot hmu and like this thing and ill make sure to reply to all ur msgs once i get back home !
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