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disabled-dragoon · 9 months

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The Disability Library

I love books, I love literature, and I love this blog, but it's only been recently that I've really been given the option to explore disabled literature, and I hate that. When I was a kid, all I wanted was to be able to read about characters like me, and now as an adult, all I want is to be able to read a book that takes us seriously.

And so, friends, Romans, countrymen, I present, a special disability and chronic illness booklist, compiled by myself and through the contributions of wonderful members from this site!

As always, if there are any at all that you want me to add, please just say. I'm always looking for more!

Edit 20/10/2023: You can now suggest books using the google form at the bottom!

Updated: 31/08/2023

Articles and Chapters

The Drifting Language of Architectural Accessibility in Victor Hugo's Notre-Dame de Paris, Essaka Joshua, 2012

Early Modern Literature and Disability Studies, Allison P. Hobgood, David Houston Wood, 2017

How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult?, Elinor Greenburg, 2019

Making Do with What You Don't Have: Disabled Black Motherhood in Octavia E. Butler's Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents, Anna Hinton, 2018

Necropolitics, Achille Mbeme, 2003 OR Necropolitics, Achille Mbeme, 2019

Wasted Lives: Modernity and Its Outcasts, Zygmunt Bauman, 2004

Witchcraft and deformity in early modern English Literature, Scott Eaton, 2020

Books

Fiction:

Misc:

10 Things I Can See From Here, Carrie Mac

A-F:

A Curse So Dark and Lonely, (Series), Brigid Kemmerer

Akata Witch, (Series), Nnedi Okorafor

A Mango-Shaped Space, Wendy Mass

Ancillary Justice, (Series), Ann Leckie

An Unkindness of Ghosts, Rivers Solomon

An Unseen Attraction, (Series), K. J. Charles

A Shot in the Dark, Victoria Lee

A Snicker of Magic, Natalie Lloyd

A Song of Ice and Fire, (series), George R. R. Martin

A Spindle Splintered, (Series), Alix E. Harrow

A Time to Dance, Padma Venkatraman

Bath Haus, P. J. Vernon

Beasts of Prey, (Series), Ayana Gray

The Bedlam Stacks, (Series), Natasha Pulley

Black Bird, Blue Road, Sofiya Pasternack

Black Sun, (Series), Rebecca Roanhorse

Blood Price, (Series), Tanya Huff

Borderline, (Series), Mishell Baker

Breath, Donna Jo Napoli

The Broken Kingdoms, (Series), N.K. Jemisin

Brute, Kim Fielding

Cafe con Lychee, Emery Lee

Carry the Ocean, (Series), Heidi Cullinan

Challenger Deep, Neal Shusterman

Cinder, (Series), Marissa Meyer

Clean, Amy Reed

Connection Error, (Series), Annabeth Albert

Cosima Unfortunate Steals A Star, Laura Noakes

Crazy, Benjamin Lebert

Crooked Kingdom, (Series), Leigh Bardugo

Daniel Cabot Puts Down Roots, (Series), Cat Sebastian

Daniel, Deconstructed, James Ramos

Dead in the Garden, (Series), Dahlia Donovan

Dear Fang, With Love, Rufi Thorpe

Deathless Divide, (Series), Justina Ireland

The Degenerates, J. Albert Mann

The Doctor's Discretion, E.E. Ottoman

Earth Girl, (Series), Janet Edwards

Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead, Emily R. Austin

The Extraordinaries, (Series), T. J. Klune

The Extraordinary Education of Nicholas Benedict, (Series), Trenton Lee Stewart

Fight + Flight, Jules Machias

The Final Girl Support Group, Grady Hendrix

Finding My Voice, (Series), Aoife Dooley

The First Thing About You, Chaz Hayden

Follow My Leader, James B. Garfield

Forever Is Now, Mariama J. Lockington

Fortune Favours the Dead, (Series), Stephen Spotswood

Fresh, Margot Wood

H-0:

Harmony, London Price

Harrow the Ninth, (series), Tamsyn Muir

Hench, (Series), Natalia Zina Walschots

Highly Illogical Behaviour, John Corey Whaley

Honey Girl, Morgan Rogers

How to Become a Planet, Nicole Melleby

How to Bite Your Neighbor and Win a Wager, (Series), D. N. Bryn

How to Sell Your Blood & Fall in Love, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites, Joy Demorra

I Am Not Alone, Francisco X. Stork

The Immeasurable Depth of You, Maria Ingrande Mora

In the Ring, Sierra Isley

Into The Drowning Deep, (Series), Mira Grant

Iron Widow, (Series), Xiran Jay Zhao

Izzy at the End of the World, K. A. Reynolds

Jodie's Journey, Colin Thiele

Just by Looking at Him, Ryan O'Connell

Kissing Doorknobs, Terry Spencer Hesser

Lakelore, Anna-Marie McLemore

Learning Curves, (Series), Ceillie Simkiss

Let's Call It a Doomsday, Katie Henry

The Library of the Dead, (Series), TL Huchu

The Lion Hunter, (Series), Elizabeth Wein

Lirael, (Series), Garth Nix

Long Macchiatos and Monsters, Alison Evans

Love from A to Z, (Series), S.K. Ali

Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses, Kristen O'Neal

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro

The Never Tilting World, (Series), Rin Chupeco

The No-Girlfriend Rule, Christen Randall

Nona the Ninth, (series), Tamsyn Muir

Noor, Nnedi Okorafor

Odder Still, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Once Stolen, (Series), D. N. Bryn

One For All, Lillie Lainoff

On the Edge of Gone, Corinne Duyvis

Origami Striptease, Peggy Munson

Our Bloody Pearl, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Out of My Mind, Sharon M. Draper

P-T:

Parable of the Sower, (Series), Octavia E. Butler

Parable of the Talents, (Series), Octavia E. Butler

Percy Jackson & the Olympians, (series), Rick Riordan

Pomegranate, Helen Elaine Lee

The Prey of Gods, Nicky Drayden

The Pursuit Of..., (Series), Courtney Milan

The Queen's Thief, (Series), Megan Whalen Turner

The Quiet and the Loud, Helena Fox

The Raging Quiet, Sheryl Jordan

The Reanimator's Heart, (Series), Kara Jorgensen

The Remaking of Corbin Wale, Joan Parrish

Roll with It, (Series), Jamie Sumner

Russian Doll, (Series), Cristelle Comby

The Second Mango, (Series), Shira Glassman

Scar of the Bamboo Leaf, Sieni A.M

Shaman, (Series), Noah Gordon

Sick Kids in Love, Hannah Moskowitz

The Silent Boy, Lois Lowry

Six of Crows, (Series) Leigh Bardugo

Sizzle Reel, Carlyn Greenwald

The Spare Man, Mary Robinette Kowal

The Stagsblood Prince, (Series), Gideon E. Wood

Stake Sauce, Arc 1: The Secret Ingredient is Love. No, Really, (Series), RoAnna Sylver

Stars in Your Eyes, Kacen Callender [Expected release: Oct 2023]

The Storm Runner, (Series), J. C. Cervantes

Stronger Still, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Sweetblood, Pete Hautman

Tarnished Are the Stars, Rosiee Thor

The Theft of Sunlight, (Series), Intisar Khanani

Throwaway Girls, Andrea Contos

Top Ten, Katie Cotugno

Torch, Lyn Miller-Lachmann

Treasure, Rebekah Weatherspoon

Turtles All the Way Down, John Green

U-Z:

Unlicensed Delivery, Will Soulsby-McCreath Expected release October 2023

Verona Comics, Jennifer Dugan

Vorkosigan Saga, (Series), Lois McMaster Bujold

We Are the Ants, (Series), Shaun David Hutchinson

The Weight of Our Sky, Hanna Alkaf

Whip, Stir and Serve, Caitlyn Frost and Henry Drake

The Whispering Dark, Kelly Andrew

Wicked Sweet, Chelsea M. Cameron

Wonder, (Series), R. J. Palacio

Wrong to Need You, (Series), Alisha Rai

Ziggy, Stardust and Me, James Brandon

Graphic Novels:

A Quick & Easy Guide to Sex & Disability, (Non-Fiction), A. Andrews

Constellations, Kate Glasheen

Dancing After TEN: a graphic memoir, (memoir) (Non-Fiction), Vivian Chong, Georgia Webber

Everything Is an Emergency: An OCD Story in Words Pictures, (memoir) (Non-Fiction), Jason Adam Katzenstein

Frankie's World: A Graphic Novel, (Series), Aoife Dooley

The Golden Hour, Niki Smith

Nimona, N. D. Stevenson

The Third Person, (memoir) (Non-Fiction), Emma Grove

Magazines and Anthologies:

Artificial Divide, (Anthology), Robert Kingett, Randy Lacey

Beneath Ceaseless Skies #175: Grandmother-nai-Leylit's Cloth of Winds, (Article), R. B. Lemburg

Defying Doomsday, (Anthology), edited by Tsana Dolichva and Holly Kench

Josee, the Tiger and the Fish, (short story) (anthology), Seiko Tanabe

Nothing Without Us, edited by Cait Gordon and Talia C. Johnson

Nothing Without Us Too, edited by Cait Gordon and Talia C. Johnson

Unbroken: 13 Stories Starring Disabled Teens, (Anthology), edited by Marieke Nijkamp

Uncanny #24: Disabled People Destroy Science Fiction, (Anthology), edited by: Elsa Sjunneson-Henry, Dominik Parisien et al.

Uncanny #30: Disabled People Destroy Fantasy, (Anthology), edited by: Nicolette Barischoff, Lisa M. Bradley, Katharine Duckett

We Shall Be Monsters, edited by Derek Newman-Stille

Manga:

Perfect World, (Series), Rie Aruga

The Sky is Blue with a Single Cloud, (Short Stories), Kuniko Tsurita

Non-Fiction:

Academic Ableism: Disability and Higher Education, Jay Timothy Dolmage

A Disability History of the United States, Kim E, Nielsen

The Architecture of Disability: Buildings, Cities, and Landscapes beyond Access, David Gissen

Being Seen: One Deafblind Woman's Fight to End Ableism, Elsa Sjunneson

Black Disability Politics, Sami Schalk

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety, Dr. Elinor Greenburg

Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure, Eli Clare

The Cambridge Companion to Literature and Disability, Barker, Clare and Stuart Murray, editors.

The Capacity Contract: Intellectual Disability and the Question of Citizenship, Stacy Clifford Simplican

Capitalism and Disability, Martha Russel

Care work: Dreaming Disability Justice, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Catatonia, Shutdown and Breakdown in Autism: A Psycho-Ecological Approach, Dr Amitta Shah

The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays, Esme Weijun Wang

Crip Kinship, Shayda Kafai

Crip Up the Kitchen: Tools, Tips and Recipes for the Disabled Cook, Jules Sherred

Culture – Theory – Disability: Encounters between Disability Studies and Cultural Studies, Anne Waldschmidt, Hanjo Berressem, Moritz Ingwersen

Decarcerating Disability: Deinstitutionalization and Prison Abolition, Liat Ben-Moshe

Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to Be an Ally, Emily Ladau

Dirty River: A Queer Femme of Color Dreaming Her Way Home, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Disability Pride: Dispatches from a Post-ADA World, Ben Mattlin

Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories From the Twenty-First Century, Alice Wong

Disfigured: On Fairy Tales, Disability and Making Space, Amanda Leduc

Every Cripple a Superhero, Christoph Keller

Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness and Liberation, Eli Clare

Feminist Queer Crip, Alison Kafer

The Future Is Disabled: Prophecies, Love Notes, and Mourning Songs, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Growing Up Disabled in Australia, Carly Findlay

It's Just Nerves: Notes on a Disability, Kelly Davio

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, Rebecca Skloot

Language Deprivation & Deaf Mental Health, Neil S. Glickman, Wyatte C. Hall

The Minority Body: A Theory of Disability, Elizabeth Barnes

My Body and Other Crumbling Empires: Lessons for Healing in a World That Is Sick, Lyndsey Medford

No Right to Be Idle: The Invention of Disability, 1840s-1930s, Sarah F. Rose

Nothing About Us Without Us: Disability Oppression and Empowerment, James I. Charlton

The Pedagogy of Pathologization Dis/abled Girls of Color in the School-prison Nexus, Subini Ancy Annamma

Physical Disability in British Romantic Literature, Essaka Joshua

QDA: A Queer Disability Anthology, Raymond Luczak, Editor.

The Right to Maim: Debility, Capacity, Disability, Jasbir K. Puar

Sitting Pretty, (memoir), Rebecca Taussig

Sounds Like Home: Growing Up Black & Deaf in the South, Mary Herring Wright

Surviving and Thriving with an Invisible Chronic Illness: How to Stay Sane and Live One Step Ahead of Your Symptoms, Ilana Jacqueline

The Things We Don't Say: An Anthology of Chronic Illness Truths, Julie Morgenlender

Uncanny Bodies: Superhero Comics and Disability, Scott T. Smith, José Alaniz

Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman, (memoir), Laura Kate Dale

Unmasking Autism, Devon Price

The War on Disabled People: Capitalism, Welfare and the Making of a Human Catastrophe, Ellen Clifford

We've Got This: Essays by Disabled Parents, Eliza Hull

Year of the Tiger: An Activist's Life, (memoir) (essays) Alice Wong

Picture Books:

A Day With No Words, Tiffany Hammond, Kate Cosgrove-

A Friend for Henry, Jenn Bailey, Mika Song

Ali and the Sea Stars, Ali Stroker, Gillian Reid

All Are Welcome, Alexandra Penfold, Suzanne Kaufman

All the Way to the Top, Annette Bay Pimentel, Jennifer Keelan-Chaffins, Nabi Ali

Can Bears Ski?, Raymond Antrobus, Polly Dunbar

Different -- A Great Thing to Be!, Heather Alvis, Sarah Mensinga

Everyone Belongs, Heather Alvis, Sarah Mensinga

I Talk Like a River, Jordan Scott, Sydney Smith

Jubilee: The First Therapy Horse and an Olympic Dream, K. T. Johnson, Anabella Ortiz

Just Ask!, Sonia Sotomayor, Rafael López

Kami and the Yaks, Andrea Stenn Stryer, Bert Dodson

My Three Best Friends and Me, Zulay, Cari Best, Vanessa Brantley-Newton

Rescue & Jessica: A Life-Changing Friendship, Jessica Kensky, Patrick Downes, Scott Magoon

Sam's Super Seats, Keah Brown, Sharee Miller

Small Knight and the Anxiety Monster, Manka Kasha

We Move Together, Kelly Fritsch, Anne McGuire, Eduardo Trejos

We're Different, We're the Same, and We're All Wonderful!, Bobbi Jane Kates, Joe Mathieu

What Happened to You?, James Catchpole, Karen George

The World Needs More Purple People, Kristen Bell, Benjamin Hart, Daniel Wiseman

You Are Enough: A Book About Inclusion, Margaret O'Hair, Sofia Sanchez, Sofia Cardoso

You Are Loved: A Book About Families, Margaret O'Hair, Sofia Sanchez, Sofia Cardoso

The You Kind of Kind, Nina West, Hayden Evans

Zoom!, Robert Munsch, Michael Martchenko

Plays:

Peeling, Kate O'Reilly

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With an extra special thank you to @parafoxicalk @craftybookworms @lunod @galaxyaroace @shub-s @trans-axolotl @suspicious-whumping-egg @ya-world-challenge @fictionalgirlsworld @rubyjewelqueen @some-weird-queer-writer @jacensolodjo @cherry-sys @dralthon @thebibliosphere @brynwrites @aj-grimoire @shade-and-sun @ceanothusspinosus @edhelwen1 @waltzofthewifi @spiderleggedhorse @sleepneverheardofher @highladyluck @oftheides @thecouragetobekind @nopoodles @lupadracolis @elusivemellifluence @creativiteaa @moonflowero1 @the-bi-library @chronically-chaotic-cryptid for your absolutely fantastic contributions!

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Submit a Book:

#disability resources #disability #chronic illness #disability books #books #resources #book list #disability literature #literature #disability representation #disabled characters #information #informative #disability education #disability history #disability rights #please add to this #to be updated #long post

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icanseethefuture333 · 6 months

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hello, I’ve really enjoyed all your readings so far - would you be willing to do something on felix from skz ideal type?

A reading on

Stray Kids' Felix's ideal type:

Qualities:

Channeled song: Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar, from Steven Universe, Let My Baby Stay by Amandla Stenberg, & Just A Taste by Tinashe.

For the qualities that Felix looks for in his ideal partner - he would like someone who is creative, passionate, and nurturing. They could be shy or self conscious, something about them that's a bit anxious. Felix would be willing to learn his partner's love language and assure them that they are the only one they have his eyes on. I had tension in my forehead while shuffling and The Empress card has a ray of colors surrounding the character's head. So Felix could like that his partner is intuitive or psychic, they know when to be tender towards his needs without asking. He would like to feel seen and heard by his partner. I'm envisioning like after work, he would crawl into his partner's arms and just take a nap. Felix could already know who his ideal partner is or is manifesting them, there is a telepathic connection present. There could be some sort of epiphany that will happen when they realize they are in love with each other. I am reminded of Steven and Connie's dynamic from Steven Universe, they were an inseparable duo, it's like their connection seemed divinely guided. Felix could view his ideal partner as a wish fulfillment. They could have qualities of a "starseed".

Personality:

Channeled song: Everything Stays by Olivia Olson, from Adventure Time & Sativa by Jhené Aiko ft Swae Lee.

Felix's partner's personality could be described as a "late bloomer". In their youth, they could have been "nerdy" or "quirky". They were very pure and had gentle mannerisms. Possibly teased for their interests or deemed as weird by other children. They could randomly have flashbacks and feel embarrassed, triggered, or upset about their past / past actions. This could also mean they are mourning the loss of their past. Possibly dealing with mental health issues such as anxiety or trauma. For a while, his ideal partner could have felt stuck in life, and wishing for change, but it never came. They had to learn to change the things they can control and let go of what they cannot control. They are wiser and more balanced within themselves now. Their personality is experiencing a shift. Felix's ideal partner could be described now as peaceful, mellow, rich, abundant, and lucky, but also free spirited and playful. "Green", "earth goddess", Gaia energy 🧝‍♀️🏞🌎? They could be spiritual.

Physical traits:

Channeled song: Two Melodies by Zion.T ft. Crush, Star Signs by Odunsi ft. Runtown, Gold by Jojo, Honey (Medasin redo) by Kucka, & Dreams Are Real by Tinashe (her Amethyst mixtape is signifcant).

A head turner. "A face you will never forget." The type of beauty you will see once but remember forever - mysterious and memorable. Felix's ideal partner could be described as ethereal, siren-like, they have a very dreamy appearance. Their face could be naturally youthful but looks more mature when they put makeup on / dress up for evenings. "Shapeshifter". They could appear or dress differently depending on their mood. Overall, something about them feels delicate with an edge. Felix could praise or talk about his ideal partner very proudly "My girl!". Manic pixie dream girl vibes.

Long dark (black or brown) hair (there is a bend or curl to their hair. Its thick, so wavy to curly hair texture).

Straight or round eyebrows

Pouty facial expression

"Glossy eyes", eyes are dark but shiny. Could look like orbs 👁👁

Eyes that look like they have been crying, so dark circles or puffy tearbags (aegyo sal)

Round or heart shape face (their forehead is the widest part of their face).

Small/short face

"Ears"??? Something about their ears is noticeable. Whether that means they are large, tiny, or pointy. Their ears could be cute.

Wears earrings a lot or their ears are pierced.

Wide or defined shoulders

Decolletage area is attractive (collarbones, chest, breasts, etc)

Long limbs

Long legs / leggy body

On a day to day basis they dress casual, but when they go out they dress very colorful and alternative.

Mostly wears pastels and black.

Spring color season.

Celebrities/influencers who are similar to his ideal type: Bailey Bass (specifically her role as Tsireya), heyeloisa, Maria Isabel, Hanan Ismail, Malaika Firth, Gemma Ward, Aya Jones, Pasabist, sa1ntmarta, Melodie Monrose, Jessica Alexander, Tyla, Mia Goth, lame.cobain, Cindy Kimberly, Joyce Wrice, NingNing, & Amandla Stenberg

#ask #anon #lee felix #stray kids #stray kids tarot #kpop reading #kpop readings #celebrity readings

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johannestevans · 1 year

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Pirate Media Recommendations

Along with Ryann Fletcher, Kate Heartfield, Juliet Kemp, and F.D. Lee, I'm going to be on the Queer Pirates panel at 3pm this Friday at EasterCon 2023!

Our Flag Means Death and other pirates: a panel discussion including fandom and canon of Our Flag Means Death and other series such as Black Sails. This item will start around 15 minutes after advertised start time to minimise clash with the Opening Ceremony.

You can still sign up for virtual membership of EasterCon here if you'd like to attend online, as there are going to be a great many panels and discussions throughout the con, which are gonna be great.

Coming up to the panel, I thought I'd make a list of some of my favourite pirate and nautical media to point people to, as I'm probably going to mention a bunch of it on the panel and this is a particularly fierce interest of mine!

So for Our Flag Means Death, we know that it's an interpretation of the historical relationship between Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet as a romance - two other famously queer pirates were of course Anne Bonny and Mary/Mark Read. I'm personally super excited to see if these figures will feature in Our Flag Means Death S2.

Podcast Episodes & Videos:

Ching Shih: The Pirate Queen, from Puppet History

The True Story of a Pirate Queen, from Ruining History

A History of Gay Pirates with Rebecca Simon, on the PRIDE Podcast -

Sailing Through Queer Pirate History with Rebecca Simon, on the PRIDE Podcast

Pirate Queens with Rebecca Simon, on the PRIDE Podcast

Were Some Pirates Poofters?, from the History is Gay Podcast - Going through Anne Bonny, Mary Read, Calico Jack, and Pierre Bouspet.

Queerness in the Golden Age of Piracy, from Queer as Fact

Books & Essays:

FICTION: The Aubrey-Maturin Series, by Patrick O'Brian - The Aubreyad is not about pirates, but is a nautical-historical series of 20 books set in the 1800s. I love these books a lot, they're ridiculous and very homoerotic with a lot of background gay dynamics - you can absolutely infer a romance between Captain Jack Aubrey, a hot slab of beef, and his doctor, Stephen Maturin. They're funny and they're rich with nautical descriptions, really immersing you into the language and feel of the period and the sensation of being on these vessels. While I'm not holding these books up as a bastion of queerness compared to other texts, Maturin is a fervent abolitionist and despite being a member of Aubrey's crew is actually vehemently anti-colonialist in his views, and those discussions do play out on paper again and again. Because of their realism these books do kind of poke a hole in the naval officers being held up as inherently noble or honourable, and particularly regularly criticises the actions and ideas of the state.

FICTION: J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan - I love Peter Pan, and obviously I talk and blog about it a lot. What's particularly dear to my heart is the relationship between Hook and Smee, which is such an intimate marriage even though it's not explicitly described as such, and it makes me very emotional. This book was written at the beginning of the 20th century, and I do want to warn anyone before going in about the racism inherent - the text treats the existence of the Natives to Neverland as part of an "adventure", and there's also anti-Black racism toward many of Hook's crew, as well as the description of Hook himself as "swarthy" despite being a white Etonian. Peter Pan is a story about working class white children in London whose parents has dreams of them ascending to middle class, and the children's fears of growing up are heavily influenced by economic anxiety, but also they desire a return to a time when as young white kids "adventure" would have been more accessible to them, as is typical in the classic adventure novel.

FICTION: Peter Darling, by Austin Chant - The Lost Boys say that Peter Pan went back to England because of Wendy Darling, but Wendy is just an old life he left behind. Neverland is his real home. So when Peter returns to it after ten years in the real world, he’s surprised to find a Neverland that no longer seems to need him. The only person who truly missed Peter is Captain James Hook, who is delighted to have his old rival back. The oft-recommended trans man!Peter Pan/Hook romance novel. Please don't talk to me about this one as I haven't and can't read it for some personal trigger readings, but it's recommended all over and is well-loved for a reason!

FICTION: Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island - Treasure Island is of course, one of the archetypal adventure novels. What a lot of people might not know is that the TV series Black Sails is a prequel to Treasure Island! If you enjoyed Our Flag Means Death, you might be delighted to realise that the real life pirate Israel Hands features in Treasure Island, and fights with Jim Hawkins, the protagonist.

NON-FICTION: Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition: English Sea Rovers in the Seventeenth-Century Caribbean, by B.R. Burg - In Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition, historian B. R. Burg investigates the social and sexual world of these sea rovers, a tightly bound brotherhood of men engaged in almost constant warfare. What, he asks, did these men, often on the high seas for years at a time, do for sexual fulfillment? Buccaneer sexuality differed widely from that of other all- male institutions such as prisons, for it existed not within a regimented structure of rule, regulations, and oppressive supervision, but instead operated in a society in which widespread toleration of homosexuality was the norm and conditions encouraged its practice.

ESSAY: Our Flag Means Death and Queer Utopias at Sea, an essay by Seth LeJacq

TV Series:

Our Flag Means Death - Of course, duh! Our Flag Means Death, a queer romcom interpreting the historical relationship between Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Pirate, and Edward Teach, Blackbeard, as a romance.

Black Sails - A "gritty" and brutal prequel to RL Stevenson's Treasure Island, exploring the tales of Long John Silver and how he came to be what he ultimately is in Treasure Island. There is a lot of gay shit in this and it's extremely anti-imperial in its outlook - with that said, I'm personally not a great fan of Black Sails to watch, for me personally it's either too upsetting or too dull to stick with, oscillating between the two extremes. If you haven't tried it and do want to, I do recommend sticking through at least the first season and seeing if you get into it! With that said, it's got particularly brutal onscreen treatment of its WOC, especially Max, a Black woman who is violently raped onscreen (as well as onscreen abuses of other women), and I would recommend treading with caution if this is something that will be difficult to watch.

Neverland - This miniseries is near and dear to my heart - it's not huge on the pirates, but it actually has Bob Hoskins reprising his 1991 role as Smee, and I find it to be an interesting and quite different exploration of the Peter Pan prequel that really explores class some. More importantly, it actually has Natives playing Natives, and features Q'orianka Kilcher as Aaya!

Movies:

Love, Death, & Robots: Bad Travelling (2022) - This is a short film that's part of the LD&R series, and it's really good nautical horror. That's all there is to it.

Master and Commander (2003) - Taika Waititi said this movie is his favourite romance movie, and he's so fucking right. Anyway, this movie is based off the first five of Patrick O'Brian's Aubreyad, and it's so loving and so gay.

Treasure Planet (2002) - There are so many adaptations of Treasure Island, but this is my favourite every single time, it's just so well-done, it's so full of care, it really captures the wonder and excitement of sailing and the sense of freedom, and honestly? Jim Hawkins is sooooo transmasculine, he even has an ugly shitty mullet haircut and a little gold earring, he is the blueprint, he is perfect. If piracy in space tickles your fancy, I also might recommend Space Pirate Captain Harlock (2013).

Pirates of the Carribean: The Black Pearl (2003), Dead Man's Chest (2006), and At World's End (2007) - Listen. Are there technically other POTC movies? Yes. Should you watch them? Oh, fuck no. I have seen On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales/Salazar's Revenge and let me tell you: you do not have to, you do not need to, and you do not want to. On Stranger Tides tried to tell me that Hector Barbossa fell in love with a woman. My man. Hector Barbossa. A woman!? Please! Anyway, I grew up on these movies and unfortunately they are overwhelmingly and unrealistically white - there are some really cool characters of colour and I especially love Tia Dalma. Remember not to watch these movies legally, by the way - watch them on an old cheap DVD or do some piracy yourself. Fuck Johnny Depp.

The Pirates of Penzance (1983) - This is an adaptation of the Gilbert and Sullivan opera, and it is so over the top, so ridiculous, so much fucking fun. Kevin Kline has some of the sexiest fits in this movie and so much thick, thatched chest hair, and the music is good, many of the jokes still land, and it's just fun.

Peter Pan (2003) - Don't watch the Disney Peter Pan. Never watch it, it's garbage, it's ugly, it invented a bunch of anti-Native racism that isn't in the already racist original text, and you know, fuck Disney. Is the 2003 Peter Pan perfect? No. But is it better? Yes. Jason Isaacs is so hot as Hook, and while I am not the biggest fan of PJ Hogan's take on the book that's all about Wendy wanting to fuck her own dad on top of cutting the Hook/Smee dynamic back significantly, the Neverland aesthetics and the silly piratical ones are a lot of fun.

Hook (1991) - Spielberg's sequel to Peter Pan is glorious for one reason and one reason only: Dustin Hoffman and Bob Hoskins were like, "hey, these two dudes are married. They're old queens in love!" and they played it like that, and they were so fucking right. Hoffman's Hook is so queer and so effete and so incredibly mentally ill and he is the biggest mood throughout, as is Smee trying to keep them both alive. I adore this movie to death, I really do.

Down Periscope (1996) - Okay. So. This movie is a little bit different. It's not set in the Golden Age of Piracy or even just after it - it's set in the 1990s, and is about a Yank Naval Captain doing wargames with other members of the navy. With that said, it's got a lot of pirate hijinks and a lot of found family dynamics with a lot of freaks and neurodivergents packing the crew - note that there's some misogynistic harassment in this for the only female crew member, but she's one of my favourite characters and she's so much fun, much like the rest of the crew. Listen. The captain has a tattoo on his dick. They all dress up as pirates while making one of their crew members walk the plank. Their ending credits feature the cast dancing and singing along with the Village People, to the iconic gay anthem, In The Navy. It's good, I swear.

And I've tried a bunch of pirate videogames, but none of them has measured up to Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag. Unfortunately, this game is an Assassin's Creed game and all the AC plot stuff sucks, because that's what AC games are for.

When it's not doing their terrible meta plot in the "real world", though, this game has such excellent gameplay, it's great fun, and the soundtrack is tremendous. Even if you don't play the game, absolutely consider giving the sound track a listen, because it's just great!

An old album I would recommend is also the Robert Shaw Chorale Sea Shanties one! It's from 1960, and they do some really fun arrangements of different sea shanties - their Drunken Sailor is one of my absolute favourites!

If you'd like to see a different take on the sea shanties and would still love some more space piracy, I would also recommend Once Upon A Time (in Space), by the Mechanisms!

My Stuff

And separate to the general rec list above, here's some of my work that's relevant to my takes on queer pirates, and why I'm on the panel:

Communicating Want, by me, DictionaryWrites - 75k, rated E, Frenchie/Izzy. Izzy's just so buttoned-up, how is Lucius supposed to resist the urge to seduce him? It doesn't go well. Just a silly thing exploring sexual trauma and stuff with Izzy Hands! Love that bitch.

Our Flag Means Death S01 E01: Close Textual Analysis — Examining OFMD E1: Pilot in close detail and liveblogging/analysing the text. On Medium / / On Patreon.

Gerald Poole and the Pirates - A distinctly queer adventure full of internal conflict ensues when a gentleman and a sailor are captured by pirates. Read on Medium: Part I / / Part II / / Part III / / Part IV / / Buy as an eBook on SmashWords, $2.99 / Buy as an eBook from Amazon.

The Coffin at Sea — 400w. A vessel picks up a coffin afloat at sea. On Medium / / On Patreon.

The Pirate Accountant — 4.5k, rated M, MB. A quartermaster works up the nerve to finally mount a seduction on their accountant. Dark humour and biting banter throughout, between an exceedingly cautious and paranoid accountant and the quartermaster who’s finally worked up the courage to ask him out. On Medium / / On Patreon.

Saint Jude’s Kitchen — 20k, Rated M, MB. After an injury stops him working, a failing deckhand gets a new lease on life. Themes around cooking and nurturing, identity and sense of self, and complex family dynamics. Adapted from a TweetFic. On Medium / / On Patreon.

#musings #our flag means death #eastercon #conversation 2023 #pirates

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herrmannhalsteadproduction · 5 months

Text

500 Miles (Chapter Sixteen)

Summary: This is Part Nineteen of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Teen and Up

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE CHAPTER! IT'S HAPPENING! BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE MOST FLUFF TO EVER FLOOF! (also minor character injury, but he's fine, seriously.)

A/N: To underscore my previous note, this is an alternate universe so things have unfolded differently. This will not follow the canon arcs exactly by any means. But I hope you'll still enjoy it!

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Bex

The housewarming party had gone off without a hitch, but Bex and Emery had been so tired, they’d basically passed out once everyone left.

Sunday morning was spent finishing clean up—not that there was too much to do since Devon, Sam, Isaac, Kira, and Malia had stuck around to help tidy before heading home the night before.

Then the two of them got ready for the mini-housewarming party starting at noon.

Noon-ish.

It was hard arriving anywhere on time when you were herding four kids while you did it. Still, Chris and Cindy showed up an impressive mere fifteen minutes late.

“Oh, wow, Emery,” Cindy exclaimed after they’d all piled inside and were starting their tour. “I love what you’ve done with the place. Cozy, but not closed in, you know?”

“Thank you.” Emery beamed at her. “I had a lot of help though and I could use a little more.” She steered the whole gang into the kitchen and gestured at her fridge. “No one has given me anything to put on my fridge. Can you believe that?”

On cue, Bex dug out the kid-friendly art supplies from where they’d stashed them yesterday and held them up. “Who’s gonna help us fix it?”

Even Lee Henry, who was more teenagery than not lately, volunteered to help. Bex got them all organized around the coffee table while Chris and Cindy stayed in the kitchen with Emery to finish the lunch preparations.

Bex knew they were wanting to check in with Em to see how she was doing with everything and she was happy to give them the space to do that. Emery having more parental figures in her life was definitely helping her progress. Donna and Trudy had kept in touch after their girls’ night—to the point that Emery had a standing lunch date with both of them. Each one was neatly marked down on the kitchen calendar. With a little smile-y face.

It had taken awhile, but Emery was finally embracing having a whole gang behind her.

“Alright,” Bex said, crouching down beside Annabelle and Max. “What are we working on here? Is that a dragon? Nice.”

By the time lunch was on the table, they had a full fridge’s worth of masterpieces ready to go. Emery ooh’d and ahh’d over each one, letting the kids pick out their own magnets to hang them with before they sat down.

“I want to get my own house, just like Emery’s,” Annabelle declared through a mouthful of grilled cheese.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Chris said. “When you’re all grown up.”

Annabelle nodded. “When I’m ten,” she said decisively.

Bex pressed her lips together, trying to hold back her laugh at the look on Chris’s face. Annabelle caught it too and reached over to pat his hand.

“Don’t worry, Daddy,” she said. “You can come visit me.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” Chris choked out as Cindy patted him from the other side.

“Can I come visit too?” Bex asked her.

“Oh, yes, Auntie Bex,” Annabelle said. “…if you bring Kol.”

“Of course,” Bex agreed. Who was she to argue with priorities like that?

***

Will

Will and Connor had been home for about fifteen minutes when Bex and Emery came bursting through the door, arms full of bags.

“Hey!” Bex grinned as she swooped around them to the kitchen. “We brought stuff for dinner!”

“Tired of the new place already, Em?” Will teased.

“For your information, I was kidnapped,” she shot back as she followed Bex, laughing at the outraged squawk that got.

Bex poked her head back in the living room. “Excuse me for thinking it would be nice to cap off the weekend by having dinner together.”

“I think it sounds great, Bex,” Connor called out to her. She blew him a kiss and returned to the kitchen.

Will turned to his boyfriend. “You are such a suck up,” he whispered.

“Might be, but you love me,” Connor murmured back, waggling his eyebrows at Will.

“This is gonna be a thing now, isn’t it?” Will sighed. Not that he was in any way, shape, or form annoyed by it. A smile spread across his face as he leaned in for a kiss—

“Get your butts in here,” Bex yelled. “This dinner won’t cook itself!”

Will groaned and Connor laughed, giving him a quick peck. “C’mon,” he said, grabbing Will’s hand and hauling him toward the kitchen. “Our ass-isstance is required.”

“Ooooh, we have to break up,” Will groaned again. “That was terrible. Ugh. The worst.”

Bex and Emery overheard the last bit and made Connor say it again which started up a flurry of truly horrific puns that lasted until dinner was ready.

Emery and Connor stuck around for a movie afterward and Will had to admit that it was a nice way to cap off the weekend. He knew Bex had been apprehensive about all of the changes their family had been going through, but—

It looked like they were navigating their new normal just fine.

He and Bex waited at the door while Connor and Emery got their things together. After giving Emery a hug, he gave Connor a kiss. “Love you,” he whispered in his ear and Connor whispered it back. His stomach did a little flip every time he heard it. Will hoped that never stopped.

“See you at the coffee cart in the morning?” he asked as they drew apart and Connor nodded, giving him one last kiss before he and Emery headed out. Will locked the door behind them and turned to see Bex staring at him with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Will,” she said in a tone that seemed to indicate he should understand exactly what she meant by just saying his name.

“What?” he repeated. “Why are you looking at me like—” Oh. Maybe she—did she hear them?

“Will.”

Yeah, she definitely did. And that—that was okay. That was more than okay because he and Connor loved each other and he wasn’t scared or ashamed or trying to hide anything because it was all good. So good.

“Be-ex,” he sang back at her, grinning.

Then she screamed and jumped on him. “I’m so happy for you!” she yelled, nearly strangling him with her arms around his neck. “Tell me everything! Right now!”

He staggered over to the couch and dumped her on it, taking a breath. “Okay, fine.” Bex cheered as Will plopped down beside her, cheeks already hurting from how big his smile had become. “I’ll start at the beginning…”

***

Connor

Connor stepped into the elevator and pressed the button, avoiding Emery’s pointed stare as she followed behind him. He could still see her incredibly wide grin out of the corner of his eye though. It was kind of hard to miss.

“So,” Emery said slowly, drawing the word out to its full potential. “You and Will have a good night last night? Anything fun or interesting happen?”

He turned, taking in the gleeful look on her face. “It was nice,” he said. “A totally fine and normal night.”

The glee instantly dissolved into a pout as she grabbed his arm. “Connor, come on,” she begged. “Please? Who said it first? How did it happen? Details! Are you honestly not dying to talk about it?”

Connor lasted about fifteen seconds of pretending he wasn’t dying to talk about it when the doors to the elevator opened. “I said it first,” he blurted out before escaping into the lobby.

Emery squealed, chasing after him. “AND? Then what?” She looped her arm through his as they headed for the parking lot.

“Okay, fine,” Connor said before waving a stern finger at her. “But this stays between us.”

She crossed her heart enthusiastically. “I will be a freakin’ vault.”

Yeah, there was no way this wasn’t getting back to Bex, but Connor had a feeling Will was getting the same treatment at that very moment. “So,” he began, bumping shoulders with her while they walked. “We were getting ready for bed and Will was talking about what a great night it was…”

***

Bex

Bex yawned as she headed into Molly’s, wiping at the sleep out of her eyes. She’d been up late texting with Emery and comparing notes on the big Will and Connor ‘I love you’ story. It was obviously time well spent—no regrets—she was just going to need some serious caffeine to get through the day. She had no regrets about volunteering to help out Chris either, but…

Inventory was always so mind-numbingly boring.

“It’s too hot to be stuck in here doing this.” Otis arrived shortly after her, grumbling as he came through the door. “We should have minions for this sort of thing.”

“I mean—” Bex shrugged “—I think technically I am one of the minions.”

“Who’s ready to count stuff?” Shay came bursting in with a tray of iced coffees and a gigantic grin. Bex was already making grabby hands for one of the cups. Shay handed them out and then hopped up on a stool. “No one’s going to have as much fun as we are today.”

Otis peered at her over the top of his cup. “Why does that sound like a threat?”

***

Jay

“Gonna be a good day,” Ruzek declared as he strapped on his vest. “I can feel it.” He reached out a fist to Atwater and they did some sort of intricate bump-shake combination.

“Be even better if it wasn’t so hot,” Burgess groaned, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

Ruzek snapped his fingers and pointed at her, eyes going wide. “We should get ice cream when this is done.”

Jay ignored the rest of their discussion—a heated debate over where they’d go for ice cream—and focused on getting his own gear on, not wanting to get distracted from the job ahead.

They’d been honing in on a group that was using clubs to test out a deadly new party drug. Yesterday, a solid tip came in from one of Olinsky’s CIs and today they were hitting the suspected base of the operations. Hopefully to shut the whole thing down.

“Hey.”

Jay looked up to see Upton standing before him, ready to go.

“You good?” she asked, tucking her hands into the top of her own vest as she watched him finish up his checks.

“Just about,” he said and she grinned.

“Good,” she said. “Hurry up. Word is we’re getting ice cream after this.”

***

Shay

Shay had a plan: Play it casual, keep the conversation going, and then slide a Mouse question in there, real smooth-like.

However.

They got ten minutes into working through the supply room with Otis griping about how hot it was the whole time and Shay found herself blurting out, “Bex! How are things going with Mouse?”

So. Not as smooth as she’d hoped, but at least it was a change of subject.

After a second of shocked silence, a tiny smile flitted across Bex’s face and Shay did an internal fist pump. That had to mean good news.

“Um, they’re—things are going great,” Bex said. “We’re still taking it slow, but I think we’re finally getting on the same page about things, important things, and—”

Otis groaned, banging his forehead on the shelf. “Please,” he said. “No relationships talk. Seriously.” He spun around to lean against the shelves and sighed. “I can’t deal with a full day of hearing about how amazing things are with you and Julie—” he pointed at Shay “—or how the unending saga of the Mouse and Bex romance is going—” he pointed at Bex “because while I am incredibly happy for both of you, I am also so incredibly, painfully single and I can’t. I can’t do it! I don’t need another layer of sadness added to this day. Inventory is bad enough.”

Shay exchanged a glance with Bex and they both stepped toward him, arms outstretched. “Aw, Otis—”

“No!” He raised his hands to fend them off. “No hugging either! It’s too hot for that too!”

“First of all, I turned the air conditioner on so it’s going to be fine in here soon enough,” Bex said. “Second of all, I think maybe we do need some relationship talk time, but focused on this whole stressful…tangle you’ve got yourself in.”

Shay had to agree. Dude was pent up.

He tried to argue, but Otis was no match for the combined persuasive powers of Bex and Shay. Soon enough, they were sitting in a loose circle on the floor of the supply room, sipping at their drinks as Otis detailed his romantic woes.

It was a lot of woe.

“Online dating got me nowhere,” he was saying. “And meeting people in person is hard with our schedules. Plus, I don’t think I make the best first impression, you know?” He frowned down at his cup. “No one sticks around long enough to get to know me.”

“They’re the ones missing out,” Bex said. She reached out to pat his knee and he snorted. “What? They are!”

“No, it’s not that,” he said, laughing a bit as he shook his head. “I, uh, there was the tiniest of moments awhile back when I was thinking about asking you out. When it looked like maybe things weren’t going to work out with you and Mouse.”

Hunh. Interesting. It would have been super weird, but Shay could almost see it? Bex seemed like she was trying to wrap her brain around it as well.

Otis looked up and saw her face, then started tripping over his words trying to explain it better. “Only because we actually know each other, you know? And we get along, right? We have a lot of the same interests and sense of humour and we already hang out with the same people.” He scrunched up his nose. “But then I thought about it more and realized it would be totally weird. Like, beyond weird. It was more of a last resort kind of idea than anything else? I rejected it pretty quickly—”

“Okay!” Bex cut him off, kicking at his foot. “I don’t need an extensive list of reasons as to why asking me out would have been a horrible idea. I’m gonna choose not to be offended by that because you’re right. Our sibling energy is way too strong.” She blew out a breath. “You must have really been grasping at straws to even consider it.”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Otis exclaimed. He slumped back. “Ugh. Relationship talk ban back on. This is making it worse.”

“No, no, no!” Shay scooted closer, ignoring the grunginess of the floor. “Listen. You are a great guy, Otis. You’re handsome, objectively speaking, you’re smart—”

“You’re funny,” Bex added. “And fun which are two different and important things. Plus, you’re a cool firefighter—”

“And a part owner of Chicago’s best bar,” Shay said, elbowing him until he cracked a little smile. “You’ve got a lot going for you.”

“And it’s not getting me anywhere,” Otis said, bringing them full circle. “I wish I could be like Severide or—”

“Ah!” Bex held up a finger. “That’s your problem, right there. Why are you trying to be like someone else? We literally just listed all of the reasons you’re awesome—all of the things that make you you. The right person is going to come along at the right time and I don’t think you should be trying to change yourself in the meantime.”

“Although,” Shay began and the two of them turned to look at her. “We could take some time to workshop your game a little bit—”

Otis instantly bristled. “My game is great, what are you talking about—”

Shay threw her hands up. “You just said—”

“I know!” Otis scowled at her. He crossed his arms and hunched in on himself, glaring at the two of the them before deflating. “Okay. Fine. What do you suggest?”

“Like I said, workshopping.” Shay snapped a pair of finger guns at him. “You’ll practice flirting with us—” She ignored his groan. “—and we’ll see if there’s any little things we can do to improve your approach.”

“Fine,” Otis grumbled, getting to his feet.

Shay exchanged a grin with Bex as they got up as well. She knew today was going to be fun.

***

Mouse

Mouse was loading up the last of the gear in the van when Burgess came over. She and Olinsky were going to be riding in it with him which seemed to be the usual set up on OPs lately. He didn’t mind. Olinsky mostly kept to himself and Burgess was nice enough.

Even if she asked a lot of questions.

He could tell one was brewing by the way she was hovering and handing him things to load into the van.

“Hey, so,” she finally said, clearing her throat. “You and Bex were pretty smiley at Emery’s housewarming party. Are things…going okay with her? Now?”

Everyone on the team had been giving him lots of space lately—Mouse suspected Jay was running interference—but someone was bound to crack sooner rather than later and he didn’t mind that it was Kim. She’d been offering him a lot of quiet support all along.

He wasn’t ready to talk about it in detail though. Not when he was still figuring out those details with Bex and as much as they were in a better place, they weren’t…solidified yet.

“Yeah,” Mouse said, locking in the last of the gear. “It’s, uh, things are good. Better.” He flashed her a small smile and hoped she’d be satisfied enough by that.

“That’s great, Mouse.” Kim grinned at him, bobbing her head in a little nod. “I’m glad to hear it.” She pulled the van keys out of her pocket and twirled them on her finger before heading for the driver’s seat.

Mouse chuckled to himself and closed the side door. Then he turned around only to be nearly nose to nose with Olinsky. Mouse hadn’t even heard him walk up which was as disconcerting as it was annoying. Guy needed a bell.

“You know,” Olinsky said in that soft, mild tone he had. “I try to stay out of everyone’s personal lives.” He sighed. “But everyone keeps talking about them so I still hear things.”

“Uh…” Mouse froze, not quite sure where he was going with this. Was he supposed to apologize? It wasn’t like Mouse was the one who kept bringing this stuff up at work. He had a hard enough time talking about it with Bex.

Or maybe Olinsky was trying to work his way around to offering some advice? It felt like everyone else Mouse knew had put their two cents in at this point so why not Olinsky?

From what Mouse knew of the man, the conversation could go either way.

“So, you’re saying…” Mouse prompted.

“I’m saying I wish I heard less.” Olinsky stuck a toothpick into his mouth and stared off into the distance. A haunted look passed over his face. “So much less.”

Mouse opened his mouth to apologize when Olinsky clapped a hand on his shoulder, nearly sending him into the van. “Be good to Mini-Halstead.” Then he wandered to the front of the van. “Burgess!” Olinsky called out. “Gimme those keys.”

This day was shaping up to be weird as hell. Mouse shook his head, accepting a fist-bump from Jay when he passed by. Voight called for everyone’s attention at that point and announced they were moving out.

Mouse scrambled into the van as Olinsky started it up.

At least the OP would distract people from asking him any more questions.

***

Bex

“All I’m saying is that there’s making meaningful eye contact during a conversation and then there’s not blinking at all,” Bex said as she and Otis hauled bags of trash out to the dumpster. “It’s an entirely different vibe.”

The workshopping had been an enlightening experience. Otis wasn’t bad at flirting, not really, but he was a bit intense with his efforts.

“I was trying to show I was listening,” Otis said morosely. He chucked his bags in, waiting for Bex to do the same before closing the lid.

“I think what we need to do is find ways to help you relax more,” Bex said. He’d gotten all tense even pretend flirting with her and Shay. “And I had an idea…”

“I’m almost afraid to ask.” Otis’s eyebrows winged up as they headed back inside.

“What do you think about me asking around my art school friends and seeing if anyone knows someone who would be a good fit?” A more personalized search from a new pool of candidates might be helpful.

Otis shrugged as he thought it over. “I’ve liked all of your friends that I’ve met,” he said. “I’d be open to it, I think? I wouldn’t want to dive into a blind date—Shay, is that my phone? What are you doing?” He ran into the kitchen where Shay was sitting on the counter, scrolling through his phone.

“Mine is acting up and we need some tunes,” she said, holding it out of his reach as he grabbed for it.

“How did you even get it unlocked?” Otis poked at her and managed to find a ticklish enough spot to snatch his phone back.

“Easy. I got the passcode on the first try.” She snorted and leaned over to whisper at Bex. “It’s the year of the first Star Wars movie.”

“Well, not anymore, it isn’t,” Otis grumbled as he typed away furiously.

“Let me—let me see it again,” Shay said, trying to reach over his shoulder. “I was just getting to the good stuff.”

Otis fended her off one-handed and finished resetting his code.

Now that it was out there though, Bex needed to know. “What was the good stuff?”

Shay’s eyes lit up. “Oh, there was—”

Leaping over to the counter, Otis covered her mouth with his hand, shushing her. “Stop. Come on. No, Shay!”

She’d already wiggled out of his grasp and managed to steal his phone again, hopping off the counter and joining Bex. “He has a playlist on here called Happy Time Songs.”

“Hunh.” Bex looked between the phone and Otis. “I don’t know if we should know what’s on that? That feels kind of…invasive? I mean—”

“Oh, my god!” Otis exclaimed, face going bright red. “It’s not that kind of playlist, Bex!”

“I wasn’t gonna judge!” Bex held her hands up, trying not to laugh as Otis thunked his head down on the counter.

He kept his head down as he held out a hand for his phone. “Give it.”

Shay pouted, but gave it back to him. Otis stood up enough to lean his elbows on the counter and then he unlocked his phone, setting it down for them to see the screen.

Sure enough, there was the Happy Time Songs playlist. Bex steeled herself as she took a peek.

“Hey, these are all fun songs!”

Otis rolled his eyes. “Yes, because it’s my songs for when I want a little pick-me-up. When I want to sing along in the car and cheer myself up or whatever. Not what you gutterbrains were thinking.”

Bex tuned out the sniping he and Shay were doing since there was no actual heat behind it and scrolled through Otis’s list. An idea began to form.

“We’re in not bad shape for the inventory, right?”

Shay and Otis stopped their bickering and turned to her. “Yeah,” Otis said slowly. Suspiciously. “Why?”

She pointed at one of the songs. “Want to do something fun for Molly’s socials?”

***

Will

Will flopped down next to Connor on the couch in the lounge. The day had been their usual amount of busy and this was the first chance they’d had to take a breather. Connor shuffled, letting Will sink into his side as he scrolled through notifications on his phone.

Just as he was getting comfortable, Will was jostled by the vibrations of Connor laughing at something. “What?” He nosed his way up Connor’s arm to try and see the screen.

“Bex, Shay, and Otis made a little video for Molly’s Instagram account,” Connor said. He tilted the phone toward Will and turned up the sound.

Carly Rae Jepsen came blasting out of the speaker, singing about how much she really, really, really, really, really, really liked him. Bex, Shay, and Otis were doing a—he wasn’t sure if he could call it choreographed, but it was something definitely dance-like. They were bopping around Molly’s and clearly having way too much fun.

Will snorted. “Inventory’s going well.”

“Managing inventory and promotion,” Connor whistled. “Bex is a girl of many talents.”

“Very true.” Will nudged him. “Play it again.”

Shay’s face when she almost fell off the bar was worth seeing a second time.

***

Hailey

Stakeouts were not Hailey’s favourite part of the job. They were necessary, obviously, but she’d always rather be out in the thick of things. Taking action. There was no action yet though, so she just had to be patient.

They’d managed to get eyes inside the building thanks to Mouse and confirmed this was the place the gang was operating out of. But the ringleader, Arnaldo Jacobs, wasn’t there yet. The CI said he would be. Voight and Olinsky had faith in their intel so they were stuck waiting.

Her phone beeped and Hailey pulled it out to check the notification. And laughed.

“What?” Jay glanced over at her before returning his eyes to the building.

“Your sister shared some kind of new promo video for Molly’s.” Hailey showed him the preview image and Jay barked out a laugh.

“Okay, we’re definitely watching that later,” he said. Then he did a double take at the screen and frowned. “You and Bex are Instagram friends?”

“Yeah,” Hailey said, putting her phone away. “Why? You got a problem with that?”

“No,” Jay said. “As long as Bex didn’t strong arm you into friending her.” He side-eyed Hailey. “Did you even have an Instagram account before or did she sign you up?”

Hailey laughed, shaking her head. “She did neither of those things,” Hailey said. “She sent me a friend request though and that was pretty impressive because my account isn’t even under my name.” She’d tried asking her how she found it and Bex’s only answer was that she’d learned enough from hanging out with Jay and the Intelligence crew over the years that she was basically a detective.

Hailey was kind of buying it.

“She posts fun stuff,” Hailey continued. “It’s entertaining.” Bex had a level of playful energy that Hailey hadn’t had in her life for…a long time now. Their friendship didn’t make a lot of sense on paper, but Hailey was enjoying it. She hadn’t realized how much brightness she’d been missing in her life until she got pulled into surprise parties and after-training pizza and game nights.

And getting to know Bex was giving her an unexpected amount of insight into her new partner. Jay Halstead kept surprising her with each new layer she discovered—including ‘gigantic marshmallow of a big brother.’

Voight’s voice popped up over the radio. “Jacobs entering south side door. Take up positions.”

Hailey nodded at Jay and they exited the truck in one fluid motion.

***

Bex

“Bex!” Otis shoved his phone in her face. “Seriously?”

She pulled back a bit so she could actually see what was on the screen. Oh. Right. She’d shared their Molly’s video on her own profile and tagged Otis in it. With a little extra message.

“P.S. Ladies, this handsome man is single, believe it or not,” Otis read the caption out loud. “When he’s not fighting fires, you can find him over at Molly’s. Come say hi!” He lowered the phone and gave her a baleful look.

…maybe she should have asked before she did that.

“I thought it would be a fun little boost! If someone shows up, it’ll be a chance to keep workshopping! Flirt in a comfortable environment and all that.” She started hunting around for her own phone. “Do you want me to untag you?”

Otis sighed. “No,” he finally said. “But if anyone murders me, it’s on you!”

“I’ll vet them all before they get to you,” Bex promised.

“Vet them ‘all’, she says.” Otis rolled his eyes. “Like there’s going to be a crowd.”

Considering the fact that Beau had already shared it to his account, there might be. But Bex wasn’t going to share that little tidbit with Otis just yet.

“Inventory is officially done!” Shay declared as she emerged from the supply room. “Anything else need doing?”

“We might as well take care of the monthly health and safety checklist while we’re here,” Otis said, grabbing a folder from behind the bar. “I’ll do the fire extinguishers if you guys can check the emergency lights.”

“On it.” Bex saluted him.

Otis walked off to start in the kitchen only to return immediately. "So, I can't check the fire extinguisher right now,” he said. “Because there is a...squirrel. In the kitchen. Squirrel in the kitchen. Yup."

“Wait, what?” Shay rushed over to peek through the door with Bex hot on her heels. Sure enough there was a squirrel. Just hanging out on the counter.

“Uh-oh,” Shay whispered. “Make that two squirrels.”

“How did that even happen?” Otis squeezed in to peer over their shoulders. “Where did they get in?”

Bex looked around as much as she could from her position and her heart sank when she saw it. The back door was open a crack. “Look.” She pointed it out to the others. “We must not have closed it properly when we came in from taking out the trash.”

“Because someone was messing around with my phone,” Otis hissed.

“Why are we wasting time with blame when what we need is a solution,” Shay shot back.

The three of them retreated to the bar to regroup. Obviously, they couldn’t call anyone to help with this. They’d never hear the end of it.

“We need to get them out on our own,” Bex said and the other two nodded seriously.

Otis tapped the Health and Safety folder. “Only if we take the proper precautions.”

Five minutes later, decked out in aprons and hand towels from the supply room and armed with serving trays, they stood in front of the door to the kitchen.

“Ready?” Bex asked them. Otis rolled his neck and Shay blew out a breath, doing a little boxer shuffle before nodding. “Okay,” Bex said, raising her trays. “Prepare to shoo.”

***

Jay

The raid had gone off without a hitch. They got the supply. They got the crew.

They got Jacobs.

But they might have the opportunity to get even more.

Mouse had managed to get into the guy’s phone—turning his nose up at the poor security the whole time—and it was a freaking goldmine.

They’d suspected that Jacobs was working under the larger umbrella of the Righetti family and the texts on his phone confirmed it. In fact, he had a meet scheduled with Frank Righetti an hour from now. If they played their cards right, they could cast a much wider net with this case than they originally thought.

Voight was already on his phone chasing down a warrant while the rest of them started strategizing entry points for the new location.

It was a good day to aim high.

***

Otis

The squirrels were out.

The kitchen was a mess.

But the three of them were still alive and that was what mattered.

“I think one of them growled at me,” Shay said, voice dazed as she sat on the floor, slumped against the fridge. “Can squirrels growl?”

“I don’t think they were squirrels,” Bex said from her spot under the table. “I think they were demons.”

It had been a battle and a half. Otis had made some noises that he’d really rather forget. He grabbed the counter and pulled himself up off of the floor. “The most important thing,” he said, making eye contact with the other two. “Is that we never speak of this incident ever again.”

“Agreed,” Shay muttered and Bex lifted her arm for a truly pathetic thumb’s up.

He did a quick sweep of the kitchen and winced. It was kind of a disaster. “Okay.” Otis clapped his hands together. “I vote for some medicinal pizza before we tackle cleaning this up.”

“Oooh, yes, please.” Shay made grabby hands at him and he stumbled over to help her up.

“You know, Otis,” Bex said as she crawled out from under the table. “You keep making genius suggestions like that and I might skip straight to marrying you.”

“Always good to know the way to your heart, Bex,” he said, lending her a hand as well.

She leaned against him for a minute before patting his chest. “We need cheesy bread too.”

***

Mouse

The warrant came through just in time and they managed to snap up not only Righetti, but five of his inner circle as well. The six of them were currently being transported back to 21.

Mouse had the van repacked and they were returning to the precinct as well. Burgess and Olinsky were up front again while Mouse tinkered away in the back. Voight was in his car up ahead with Jay, Hailey, Ruzek, and Atwater bringing up the rear.

A solid day’s work all in all.

Burgess and Olinsky were talking through next steps while they were stopped at an intersection. Mouse was only halfway listening as he fiddled with one of their cameras. The van lurched forward—with Olinsky muttering about how they needed to get the fuel pump looked at—and then Kim gasped.

And then—

A screaming clash of metal on metal.

***

Bex

Bex was sitting at the bar, eating her pizza, when a shiver ran down her spine.

Weird.

Her stomach did a slow flip and her hand itched toward her phone. She gave in, picking it up to check for messages, but there were none. Which made sense. Everyone was at work or wrangling kids. If there was a problem, they’d let her know.

Right?

Right.

She shivered again.

Probably just needed to turn down the air conditioner.

***

Jay

“Jay!” Hailey interrupted their conversation to point through the window at something on their left. He followed her finger to see an ice cream truck coming down the road, driving erratically.

He laid on the horn, but it was too late.

Swerving the truck to the side, he hit the brakes which kept them out of the line of collision, but did nothing for the van. He watched in horror as the ice cream truck slammed into the side of the van, making it spin and rock hard on its wheels.

The point of impact had been near the back. Right where Mouse was usually stationed.

Jay scrambled out of his truck, hitting the ground running. He darted around Ruzek’s jeep which had skidded to a stop beside them. He could hear the other three coming up behind him, but they could deal with triage. He was focused on one thing.

“Mouse!”

***

Mouse

Mouse groaned. Through the ringing in his ears, he could hear Kim and Al calling out his name, but all he could manage was another groan.

What the—

Oh. Something hit the van.

His brain started to clear a bit as he began to take stock. He’d been thrown out of his seat by the force of the crash, but nothing felt broken. Bruised as hell, but not broken.

“I’m okay,” he called back to the others when they yelled his name again. “You?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Kim said. “We’re—”

“Mouse!” a familiar voice kept shouting his name, drowning out whatever she was about to say and then the side door was wrenched open. Luckily, the hit had been on the other side and that door could still open.

Jay stood there, white-face and slumping in relief at the sight of Mouse blinking up at him from the floor of the van.

“Hey, Jay.” Mouse waved at him. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

“Tell that to your bleeding head wound,” he said, leaning in to peer closely at him.

Jay made him stay put, checking him over for other injuries—apparently, he’d cut his arm as well—and forcibly stopping him from getting up until the ambos got there.

He kept relaying updates to Mouse as he got them though which was considerate enough. Turned out the driver of the ice cream truck had suffered a heart attack and passed out behind the wheel. Kevin and Hailey were helping him while Adam and Jay checked on Mouse, Kim, and Al.

Voight had seen the crash happen in his rear view and turned back around. He was busy directing officers to control the scene and shouting into his radio demanding to know when the ambos were arriving.

Multiple ambulances seemed a bit overkill to Mouse. Obviously, the truck driver needed one, but Kim and Al said they were fine. Mouse was a bit bloody, but he’d had worse. Slap a bandage on him and he’d be fine.

Jay and Voight disagreed with him so Mouse was keeping his mouth shut until the paramedics got there. They’d agree with him.

***

Two minutes later.

***

Mouse

The paramedics did not agree with him. Kim and Al had been given the all clear, but Mouse had to go to Med for stitches. Jay was laughing at him for pouting when Adam sidled up to them.

“Hey,” he whispered. “What do you think the odds are of getting free ice cream out of this?”

***

Bex

After scarfing down their pizza, the three of them got their second wind and finished cleaning up the kitchen before heading home. Bex had a shower and a little nap since she hadn’t bothered swapping out for her evening shift at Molly’s.

Shay and Otis were planning to swing by as well. The bar was basically the centre of everyone’s social life. Bex wondered for about half a second if they should be branching out more before she remembered that they were forcing her into an outdoor game night later that week.

That was a big enough branch for now.

She checked her phone as she was getting changed, but there were no answers from Jay or Mouse to her texts. They must still be in the middle of things.

Bex sent a follow up message saying they should stop by Molly’s when they were done and left it at that.

…but if she didn’t hear from them by eight, she reserved the right to hunt them down.

***

Jay

They’d been at the hospital for a couple of hours now because the ED was so swamped, Mouse kept getting bumped. He’d tried to tell Jay a few times that he could go, but Jay would just tell him to shup up and then go get them some more snacks.

Including ice cream because Jay was always a little shit at heart.

Jay might have also pulled up the Molly’s video that Bex had made with Otis and Shay to entertain them while they waited. It definitely hadn’t gotten old yet. They were also getting regular updates from the team on how processing the gang was going.

Finally, they were called back and Will met them in one of the rooms, apologizing for the hold up. He checked Mouse over quickly. The good news was that Mouse didn’t have a concussion and he was mostly only bruised, but he did need stitches for the cut on his head.

Jay stuck around while Will got to work. Today could have gone in a very different direction and he wasn’t ready to let Mouse out of his sight just yet.

He’d also had a lot of time to think while they were stuck in the waiting room. As much as he’d been trying to stay out of Mouse and Bex’s business lately, there’d been something brewing in him for the last couple of hours and Jay had to get it off his chest.

To at least know that he’d said it. Even if Mouse did nothing with it.

Maybe it was years of listening to Bex rubbing off on him, but this crash felt like a sign and Jay was going to take advantage of the fact that Mouse couldn’t run away to try and make him see it.

He leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Pretty sure the universe was trying to give you a kick in the ass today.”

“Hm?” Mouse quirked an eyebrow at him and Will tsked.

“Don’t move.”

Jay scooched his chair closer so Mouse didn’t have to turn to see him. “I’m saying things could have gone so much worse. You could’ve died without ever giving it a real chance with Bex.”

Will shot him a glare when Mouse made a wounded noise, but Jay kept going. He and his gut were back on track and he knew he had to say this.

“I know you’re worried about messing things up—”

“With good reason,” Mouse muttered.

“But think about it this way,” Jay countered. “You already have. Multiple times!”

“Jay!” Will’s head whipped around to give him an incredulous stare. “What the hell, man?”

“I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.” Jay waved him off and focused on Mouse. “You’ve already had things go sideways with Bex more than once now,” he said. “And you both worked through it to come out the other side better every time.” Jay was pretty sure their relationship was going to be Cindy and Chris levels of bulletproof at this rate.

“That’s not actually a bad point,” Will said, nodding as he focused on his stitching.

“If it was anyone else, maybe they would have walked away. A while ago. But this is Bex,” Jay said. “She’s special. She sees through the fuck ups and cares enough to take the time to work it out. It’s her Herrmann-ness. Always comes through.”

Mouse and Will both chuckled quietly at that.

“I’m not trying to brush off your worries,” Jay said. “But you guys have proven that you can survive the shit and today proved that the shit can come from any corner.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, shaking his head. “You almost got pancaked by a friggin’ ice cream truck. An ice cream truck, dude. You could have died and left nothing but a pile of broken bones and regrets. Think about that for a second.”

He tried to leave it at that, but he had one last point to drive home.

“You know she’s already there, man,” he said quietly. “And I know how hard this all is for you, but I think you’re there too. You just gotta go for it. Take the sign and go for it.”

***

Mouse

Mouse sat there, feeling a bit stunned by everything Jay had just laid out for him. Will and Jay were silent as Will finished treating Mouse; both of them clearly giving him space to think.

So he did.

All of the advice he’d received over the past few months swirled around in his brain—a lot of it echoing Jay’s words.

And Chuck’s.

A leap of faith.

He thought about Bex.

Laughing with her. Talking to her. Loving her. He had a chance to do that for as long as he could. Forever if she let him.

Everything that he wanted. Desperately. And he could have lost it all today.

Mouse’s heart tripped at the thought; somehow more scared by that than everything else he’d been wrestling with. He couldn’t let her go.

Jay was right. Mouse was—he was there.

He couldn’t believe what he’d almost let slip through his fingers.

“I could have died,” Mouse said slowly. “Without ever going on a date with Bex.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Jay exclaimed, sitting up in his seat.

Mouse stared at him. At Will who was putting stuff away on a tray, shooting little smiles back at him. He shook his head, feeling like his whole world had been turned on its side.

“I could have died without ever kissing Bex,” Mouse said.

“Okay,” Jay grimaced. “I don’t think we need a detailed list or anything like that.”

“Am I good to go?” Mouse asked Will. “I need to get out of here.”

“I need to get your discharge paperwork—”

“Wait.” Jay stood up. “What are you—are you saying—”

“I’m going for it,” Mouse said. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the flood of negatively the usually came when he stepped foot in this direction, but none of that came. All he felt was certainty. He felt good and right. He grinned at Jay. “Yeah. I’m going for it.”

***

Sharon

Sharon was doing a round of the ED when cheers erupted from behind the curtain of room three. She turned to Maggie. “What in the world is happening in there?”

Maggie raised an eyebrow at her. “You really want to know?”

“Is it going to result in me having a headache or extra paperwork?” Sharon gave her the eyebrow right back. Maggie shook her head which was a considerable relief and Sharon made a little ‘go on’ gesture at her.

“Okay,” Maggie grinned, leaning over the counter and lowering her voice. “You know Dr. Halstead’s sister, Bex…”

***

Bex

Slowly, but surely the whole gang was trickling into Molly’s. That and a few new faces that were giggling and checking out Otis from a distance.

Ha. Success.

She scoped them out as she took their orders; asking a casual question here and there. They didn’t scream murdery to her so she gave Otis a discreet thumb’s up when she walked by.

On her next round, she brought him back with her, closely tailed by Joe, and made some introductions. She grinned at Chris when she returned to the bar, ignoring his eyeroll.

“I’m adding ‘excellent wingwoman’ to my resume,” she declared.

“You made that happen,” he said, nodding at the happily chatting group. “So I’d say you earned it.” He elbowed her. “You also earned a break. What are you still doing here? You did inventory all day, you don’t need to stay all night on top of that.”

“Jay and Will and everybody are supposed to come by later,” she said. “I want to stick around for that.”

“Ah,” Chris said knowingly. “I wouldn’t want you to miss ‘and everybody’.” He cackled, dodging out of range of her swat.

The front door opened at that moment and Adam, Kevin, Kim, Al, Hank, Sam, and Julie came through. Sam and Julie made a beeline for where Shay, Isaac, and Devon were seated while the rest of them came up to the bar.

Adam took a look around before facing Bex. “Jay and Mouse not done at the hospital yet?”

Bex froze. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh.” Adam’s eyes went wide. “Oops.”

She crooked a finger at him and he tentatively leaned in until he was close enough for her to grab him by the front of his shirt. “Explain. Now.”

***

Jay

They were still cheering when Connor stepped into the room. “What’s going on in here?”

“Mouse is gonna kiss Bex,” Will said cheerily.

“Don’t say it like that,” Jay complained as Connor gave his own cheer.

Jay had Mouse wrapped up in a hug, happy about it all, but the enormity of the moment wasn’t lost on him either. “This is going to be weird as fuck, isn’t it?” He patted Mouse on the back before letting him go.

“Yeah,” Mouse said, with a sigh that was anything but regretful. “Probably.”

“I’ll survive.” Jay said. Meaning it. “I’m happy for you, man.”

Mouse returned Jay’s grin with a truly dopey smile of his own

All of a sudden, their phones chimed with a bunch of text message notifications. So did Will’s.

And Connor’s.

Hunh.

Jay pulled his out to check and—uh oh. “Someone told Bex what happened,” he said, scrolling through the messages. “We should probably get there sooner rather than later.”

“Connor and I are done,” Will said, snapping off his gloves. “We’ll come with you.” He had a sparkle in his eye that Jay knew meant he wasn’t about to miss out on whatever was going to happen next. “I’ll go get you discharged.” Connor followed him out, saying he’d grab both their things so they could leave quicker.

Jay shot off a message to Bex, letting her know that everything was fine and they would be there soon. He peeked over at Mouse who was slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Not gonna reply?”

“You already told her we’re coming, right?” Mouse shrugged, biting at his lip with a little smile. “I just want to see her and talk to her in person.”

Will was back within seconds and soon enough they were all free to go. Will and Connor must have taken some kind of crazy short cut after they left or broken every speed limit there was because they were waiting outside of Molly’s when Jay and Mouse pulled up.

“Ready to go in?” Will asked, bouncing a bit in his excitement.

Mouse still looked determined, but he was knitting his fingers together nervously. “Yeah, uh, I just—I need a minute, okay?” He shot Jay a look. “I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”

“No worries,” Jay said, clapping a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’ll try and hold her off for that long.” He followed Will and Connor up the steps and into the bar.

Bex must’ve had her Jaydar dialled up to eleven because as soon as he walked through the door, her head whipped up and she was marching over.

“Is he okay?” she demanded, peering around him, trying to spot Mouse. “What happened? Where is he?”

Jay held up a hand. “He’s fine,” he said. “He needed some stitches for a cut on his head and he’s a little bruised up, but Will gave him the all clear—”

Bex grabbed his arm. “Where. Is. He?”

He sighed, sending out a silent apology to Mouse for the incredibly short minute.

“He’s outside.”

***

Mouse

He jumped when the front door of Molly’s slammed open and Bex came flying out. She looked around wildly before spotting him off to the side and rushing over.

“Mouse! Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” Her hands carefully fluttered over him, needing to check every inch. Needing to touch. Mouse let her, shaking his head at the rapid fire questions.

“I’m okay,” he said. “I got all checked out and all I needed was some stitches, but—”

“Are you sure though?” She frowned at his bandage. “Did Dr. Abrams see you? What about a concussion? Or internal bleeding? Or—”

“Bex, I swear.” He grabbed her hands to hold them still. “I was thoroughly examined, I promise. All I need right now is to talk to you—”

“We should go inside!” She exclaimed, trying to tug him toward the side door. “You need to be sitting down. You should rest! Have you eaten? I’ll get you some food—”

“Babe, please!” He pulled her back. Easily, considering she’d gone stock still.

Her eyes were wide as a slow smile spread across her face. “Babe?”

He could feel the flush travelling up his neck, but he held fast to her hands and returned her smile. Every bit of nervousness that had tried to find a way back in faded away. “Bex,” he said. “Please? I’m, uh, I’m trying to leap here.”

***

Bex

Her breath hitched as his words sunk in and she stepped closer, squeezing his hands in hers. “Wait. Really? Are you sure—”

Mouse let go of her hands and put his arms around her waist, pulling her in close. “Yes, I’m sure,” he said as she looped her arms around his neck. “I’m—Bex, I’m all in.”

“Well, that’s—that’s handy because I am too.” She laughed and he smiled down at her, oh, so softly before they both leaned in for a kiss.

The kiss.

One worth waiting months—years—for.

Mouse tightened his arms around her and a spike of heat ran down her spine. He kissed her like his life depended on it, like it was the last chance he’d ever get to do this, but—

It might be a last first kiss, but it was definitely the first of many, many kisses to come. Bex wanted to kiss Mouse for the rest of her life. She never wanted to stop.

Except they did break apart just then.

It was kind of hard to keep kissing when you couldn’t stop smiling.

Mouse touched his forehead to hers, eyes closed as he huffed out a laugh. “Don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that.”

Bex didn’t think she would either. “C’mere,” she said, tugging on his collar as she walked them backwards to get them off the sidewalk and out of plain sight.

Mouse slapped a hand against the wall of the bar to cushion her head when she met it, his other still at the small of her back, keeping her close. She put her arms back around his neck, pulling him down until their lips met again.

They kissed until Bex was dizzy with it. Mouse groaned when they finally stopped for air. “I had a whole speech I was going to give you.”

“You had a speech?” Bex pressed a kiss against his jaw. “I love speeches. Tell me your speech.” She began kissing her way down his neck and he melted into her.

“It was, uh, I was going to start with, oh, jesus, Bex,” he moaned out when she nibbled on him a bit.

“This is a great speech,” Bex murmured into his skin. “Five stars.”

He kissed her again, deep enough to steal her breath away. Then he hugged her tight, whispering into her ear. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

Bex nudged him back until he met her eyes. “I think it took exactly the right amount of time if this is where we ended up.”

Mouse gave her that crooked little smile before leaning in and kissing her senseless all over again.

***

Otis

As soon as Bex had gone outside, nearly everyone had raced for the windows, trying to get a peek at what was happening. Or tried to before Boden barked at them all to ‘sit their butts down.’

After a painfully long wait, neither Bex nor Mouse had come back inside.

“What do you think is happening?” Shay leaned across the table to whisper at him.

“Let’s give them some privacy, like the chief said,” Casey piped up and everyone boo’d quietly.

“Someone should probably check,” Gabi said. “Just to make sure they’re okay. Don’t you think?”

And then, for some unfathomable reason, everyone’s eyes turned to Otis. “Me?” He pointed at himself, just to make sure, and they all nodded. “Why am I the one going?”

“I mean,” Gabi shrugged. “We could rock, paper, scissors for it, but I think we all know how that’s going to end anyway.”

“I do not have a tell,” he grumbled at her. He tried to ignore the pleading stares coming from every corner of the room—all of 51, the weirdly large crowd from Med that had shown up, the Intelligence crew—even Chief Boden was failing at not giving him a bit of hopeful side eye.

“Fine!” Otis threw his hands up. “I will check, but if I get my head bitten off—”

“Just go!” Stella pushed him toward the side door. “I believe in you.”

He shook out his shoulders as he stood before the door and took a deep breath. Then he slowly pushed it open and poked his head outside and—oh, god, that was something he could never unsee.

***

Bex

The sound of the side door creaking open had them breaking apart and Bex looked over to see Otis leaning out of it with his eyes squinched shut.

“Did you need something, Otis?” she called out, finding herself sneaking a hand up Mouse’s shirt to stroke his back because she could touch now.

“Uh, just seeing if you were coming back inside to work anytime soon?” he asked, eyes still closed.

She laughed when Mouse silently shook his head and started peppering her face with kisses. “No,” she managed to get out. “I quit.”

“Alrighty then.” Otis ducked back inside.

***

Otis

“They’re fine,” Otis said shortly, working hard at not making any eye contact with any of the Herrmanns or Halsteads in the room. Or anyone really.

“Okay, but—”

“Nope,” Otis pointed a finger at Shay, cutting her off. “I’ve already wiped it all from my mind so that’s all you get. They’re fine.”

Chris raised an eyebrow at him when he came over and stepped behind the bar.

“Yeah, she’s not coming back in anytime soon,” he said. “I might as well help out.”

“Atta girl,” Chris said, shooting a grin at the side door and chuckling to himself.

“It’s about time,” Boden agreed from his spot at the bar.

Otis couldn’t argue with that.

Bex and Mouse were due for some happiness.

And they’d definitely looked happy.

Ugh.

His poor eyeballs.

***

Bex

As much as Bex would like to make out with Mouse forever, doing so against the side of Molly’s wasn’t exactly the best plan. And if they’d sent Otis out to check on them, it was only a matter of time before someone less easily deterred poked their head out.

“Okay,” Bex said, when they’d finally broken apart again. She ran her hands over Mouse’s shoulders and patted at his chest. “This is your chance to back out—” She pressed a finger to his lips when he started to protest. “—of going in there because there’s a zero percent chance that any of them will be able to be normal about this once we step a foot through the door.”

Mouse kissed her finger and flashed a grin at her. “I’m willing to risk it.” He grabbed her hand and led her inside.

Bex was right.

They were being super weird.

Stilted conversations were happening all over the room.

“Sports,” Shay was saying to Kelly who was heroically trying to keep a straight face. “What’s happening with those lately?”

“It’s hot,” Adam blurted out to Al and Kim. “So hot this week. Rain. Rain is a thing. That would be good.”

No one was looking their way with the exception of Capp who was staring directly at them with a big grin. “Did you kiss?”

Tony reached up to smack him upside the head.

Bex buried her face into Mouse’s shoulder and felt him shaking with silent laughter. She held up a finger before looking back out at the room. “You get one minute to be weirdos about this and that’s it.”

There was a moment of silence before the whole place erupted.

Everyone was on their feet, cheering and talking at once.

She turned to give Mouse an apologetic shrug, but he was taking all of the backslaps and teasing with a good-natured grin. And a tight grip on her hand the whole time.

This was really happening.

And it was already amazing.

Bex squeezed his hand. He squeezed hers back and then she let herself get swept up in the joy of her goofy, chaotic family.

***

Chris, Jay, Will, and Connor

They each found Bex during the enthusiastic celebrating and give her a gigantic hug. Staying silent, because they could barely hear each other anyway through the noise, but saying everything they needed to with one embrace.

Happiness.

Overwhelming happiness and love and support.

Always.

***

Mouse

After that first minute, things did calm down a bit. He joined the 21 gang and Jay gave him another bone-crushing hug. “No details ever,” Jay made him promise and Mouse solemnly agreed.

“I’ll take details,” Shay said as she bounced over with a cheeky grin. Julie managed to redirect her and the rest of the night was almost like a normal night at Molly’s.

Almost.

Now, he kept looking over at the bar and he knew what Bex tasted like.

He couldn’t wait to kiss her again.

And again.

A few hours later, when everyone was starting to head out, Severide and Casey came over to him and got about two words into a shovel talk before Bex appeared out of nowhere.

“No,” she said, giving them both a fierce look.

“Oh, come on,” Severide protested. “We just—”

“No,” Bex repeated, drawing a finger across her neck. “Don’t even.”

Casey laughed, pulling Bex into a hug and kissing her forehead. “I’ll keep an eye on him,” he said before herding Severide and the rest of the 51 crew out the door.

Mouse stuck around to help close the bar and walked Bex to her car. He’d called an Uber for himself since Jay had driven them here.

“You know,” Bex said slowly, fingers still tangled in his hair from when he’d pressed her against the Tin Can to say goodnight. “I could drive you home.” She kissed him slowly. “Maybe come upstairs.” Another kiss. “Stay for awhile.”

He lost himself in another kiss, almost willing to give into the idea before he pulled away and buried his face in her neck with a groan.

“Bad idea?” Bex asked quietly.

“No,” Mouse muttered. “Very good idea.” He popped his head back up and sighed. “But I really want to take you on a proper date first.”

“One could argue that we’ve been on quite a few dates,” she said.

“No.” Mouse reached up to cup her face, kissing her one more time. “I want to take you on a real one. Where we’re both on the same page and we both know what it means.”

Bex blushed. “Okay,” she said, leaning into his hand. “When? Tomorrow?”

“Yeah—wait,” Mouse’s face fell. “I promised Jay I’d watch the game with him and—”

“We don’t want to start this with you breaking plans with him,” Bex said, shaking her head and Mouse’s heart warmed at how she got that so completely.

“It wouldn’t feel right,” he agreed.

“Wednesday’s out because of Outdoor Game Night,” she sighed. “I promised Kevin and I want to make sure Sylvie has fun.”

“Thursday?” Mouse asked hopefully.

“I have to work at Molly’s,” Bex said with a rueful laugh. “I promised Chris because he’s got some sort of last hurrah of the summer thing planned with the kids.”

“Friday then.” Mouse crossed his fingers and Bex nodded.

“Friday works for me,” she whispered. “Wow. We’re really doing this.”

“All in,” Mouse said, kissing her once again.

Finally.

Click here to read the next installment - Game Night 3: It’s Bex Ball, Bébés.

Click here to read 500 Miles on ao3:

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@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @ivyalmighty, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3, @multifandomgrl08, @sensitivemallysix, @thebejeweledwatercat, @emme-looou, @trulylavandedarling, @onechicagochoicesbutterfly

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