#IS IT INTERESTING FOR YOU TOO?
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Kawi and his sense of Self
I've had Thoughts jumbling around my head for a few days, ever since @waitmyturtles started watching Be My Favourite (and sped through all 7 eps - so great to have you on board!) and having read some really great posts about time travel, the idea of 'present' and 'past', truth, and Kawi's character growth (here, here, here, and here are just a few examples by @waitmyturtles, @rocketturtle4, @wen-kexing-apologist, and @ginnymoonbeam).
But it was @rocketturtle4's addition on this post that made me think more about Kawi and his sense of self, specifically the bolded part of this line:
The overall theme of being who you are regardless of the time you are in feels like it needs teasing out more.
And this might not be interesting to anyone but me, or relevant to the analysis of the show, but it's bouncing around in my brain and I need to write it down.
The above line (and all the talk about Kawi's present and past) made me think about Antonio Damasio's theory of the construction of the Self in his book The Feeling of What Happens:
The idea each of us constructs of ourself [sic]...is based on autobiographical memory over years of experience and is constantly subject to remodelling. (p. 224)
This remodelling occurs through the reworking of memories - so each time we remember a memory we craft it slightly different based on our accumulative life experiences and innate biases.
BUT what really made an impact on me about this is the following:
The changes which occur in the autobiographical self over an individual lifetime are not due only to the remodelling of the lived past...but also the laying down and remodelling of the anticipated future...The memories of the scenarios that we conceive as desires, wishes, goals, and obligations exert a pull on the self of each moment. No doubt they also play a part in the remodelling of the lived past, consciously and unconsciously, and in the creation of the person we conceive us to be, moment by moment. (pp. 224-225)
So how does this relate to Be My Favourite?
Many people have already talked about how Kawi is not a nice person (this is a great post by @respectthepetty). Why does Pisaeng like him? Kawi doesn't even like himself. And, at the beginning of the show, Kawi's Self - his identity - is built from his memories of the past and his immoveable desire of what he wanted and still wishes his future to look like. Kawi is miserable, stuck in a miserable life (of his own making), and unable to make any changes because his idea of what he wants his future to be is impossible.
But then he gets to go back in time, and his sense of self starts changing. It changes because he's remaking his memories in real time, and in remaking those memories he's being exposed to things which are gradually altering his desires and goals for his future.
And that's a huge shift for Kawi. It's almost like going through a break-up - in a break-up, not only do you lose the person you're with but the future life you imagined with them ceases to exist. So you lose your sense of identity. Who are you without them? - Who is Kawi when he's not pining for Pear? Who is Kawi when he gets and loses Pear? Who is Kawi when he dates Pisaeng?...
And it's no wonder everything is still a mess when Kawi jumps forward to his present - he hasn't had enough time in his changed past to process the new memories of his past, nor to honestly admit to himself (or realise, if he's not quite there yet) what he really wants for his future.
And this journey is such a beautiful one to watch. As his memories and future scenarios change, Kawi's sense of self changes - hopefully to a happier, 'better' person...and I mean 'better' in the sense of nicer to other people because he's nicer to himself (and vice versa) and more open to change, rather the rigidity of his 'older' Self stuck in his miserableness.
I think this is why I'm warming up to him, because he is changing, albeit gradually, and changing for the better. He's becoming more pliable in his outlook, choices, and acceptance of things he can't control. All of which will aid him in being able to see a different future for himself - like an upward positive spiral. (This is a great post by @lurkingshan which is sort of related).
I'd love to be able to connect all this with other people's takes (especially to the discourse around whether Kawi will stay in his past and live his 12 years again or jump forward to an altered present and 'fix' what he can there) but my brain has stopped here. HOWEVER, I welcome others to jump on and expand on this if they wish.
(also tagging @grapejuicegay since we've been shouting to each other in our dms about this show 💖)
#be my favourite#be my favorite#be my favorite the series#there is a point in all this but I don't know if I made it well#it might just be me going - I FIND THIS INTERESTING#IS IT INTERESTING FOR YOU TOO?#but honestly. Damasio's theory of self was so eye-opening for me#and when changes happen in my life in which my picture of the future changes#which throws me off and disturbs my sense of identity#I remind myself of this and it helps me adjust to my new future and recalibrated 'self'
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White people are miserable, racist losers period. They’ve even been getting mad at Japanese people for correcting them about Yasuke as well.
#rambling#seen wp go ‘they’re mismembering their history is all-‘#as if they’d know more than the actual Japanese people#comments on ever post about yasuke are full of racist wp arguing with Japanese ppl and telling them that yasuke was a ‘nobody slave’#while Japanese ppl are just like ‘well anyway-‘ on their asses it’s kind of embarrassing#the guy is literally an historical figure bro#how are you mad that everyone from a country that you have such an unhealthy interest in isn’t as racist as you are??? that’s what it’s#giving#I’m sure there are lots of Japanese ppl being racist af too#since antiblackness is global and everyone has a problem with black people simply existing but#they hate us too but 😭#it’s just#expect full blown kkk bullshit as soon as a black character pokes their head out from around the curtain#antiblackness#I see white ppl cry about yasuke every other month man#or at least once a year on Twitter
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I want to post this here too because I’ve seen it happen a few times
Please understand that there are cultural differences and language differences, if you see this happening let the person clarify what they meant, that person might just not be familiar with words the western side of the internet use
#bearz rambling tag#no it’s not really possible to let everyone who uses this term to change#because as far as I know this is the most common word with use on Chinese websites#I didn’t know that pairing are called ‘ship’ here#like why would I even know that#‘ship’ makes zero sense to me#it took me a while to learn the fandom language people speak here#it’s hard#give people time#shipping culture is very different too#Like on Chinese site you HAVE to clarify the Top and the Bottom of this ship in the ship name#it is very very important to them#people who like the same ship but with different Top Bottom preference will fight till no end#imagine how confused I was when I first got here#where there’s no top bottom differences#it’s not really a smut thing#it’s more a dynamic thing#AxB and BxA is very different#oh I can talk so much about the differences on fandom cultures#if ya are interested in more please feel free to ask#it’s very interesting to me#I wanna talk about it
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Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!
#personal#my art#Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears.#do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse#to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!”#and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them#i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair#every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW#NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS#people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money#my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.
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The code at the end of the credits in the FNAF movie spells "COME FIND ME" btw for those without captions.
#seeming to confirm a sequel... also matthew lillard allegedly has a 3 picture deal with blumhouse & universal too 👀👀👀#my partner & I watched it on secret sites <3#no i won't snitch so you can get tiktok to get the site taken down lol#also the marionette AKA the puppet box theme was in the credits#Garrett Schmidt is that you?? William Afton's first kill??#we'll see what the movie continuity does I'll make a separate post about this stuff & the fnaf 2 animatronics#I have so much I wanna talk about#Vanessa being peepaw springtraps daughter was an interesting take#also we never saw Abby's imaginary friend 👀👀👀#mine#op#five nights at freddy's#fnaf movie#fnaf#five nights at freddy's 2023#five nights at freddy's movie#fnaf movie spoilers
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wanted to do my own take on these guys...
#sami's art#phineas and ferb#candace flynn#vanessa doofenshmirtz#jeremy johnson#stacy hirano#dwampyverse#Would you guys be interested in seeing the mml gang too maybe... and the hng teens... Those guys are both trios though#unless i add amanda to the mml pic i love her so much. and lauren. for hng#Just thinkaboutit
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I'm pissed off to see that Palestine is not trending on here. I know that we all have interests we want to talk about, but this week is another global strike, Palestine should be the number one trending, and it's not even number 10. You can put aside your interests for one week. Bisan and so many others are begging us to use our voices to pressure our governments to put an end to this genocide. MILLIONS of people are counting on us, PLEASE don't look away no matter how upset and tired you are. We have the luxury of being able to just put our phones down and going off to do something to feel better. But just this once, for ONE WEEK, you can put aside your discomfort and SPEAK UP. How many people have to die for you to care.
#im sorry if this comes off as harsh but im just so. tired.#how hard is it for you to stop buying from shit companies that actively fuel genocide#how hard is it for you to stop publicly posting about your interests and speak up#obviously you can take time to yourself and talk about your interests in private#but this is TOO IMPORTANT#free palestine#free gaza#eyes on palestine#eyes on rafah#hands off rafah#palestine
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christ sometimes I just wanna. steal a time machine & go back & sit down next to my 9-year-old self and just like. let them pull out their pokemon card binder & gush about their holographic gyarados or whatever. I'd just smile & ask questions about motherfukcing bulbasaur & tell my kid self that I thought they were a neat person, & someday they'd find other people who thought so too.
like i'm a grown adult who honestly finds most kids stuff boring, but. damn if i could go back & hang out with my baby self & listen to them ramble...just so they knew someone was listening. i would in a heartbeat. thinking about u kid
#wouldn't roll my eyes or check my phone or get bored or nothing#I'd just listen to that little dork & smile & encourage them & let them explain how their favorite gameboy games worked#i was the kind of kid my adult self would find annoying & uninteresting but like#most of the actual adults in my childhood felt that way too. including my dang parents.#and ya know sometimes they showed it. a lot of times without realizing it. and that messes a kid up#if you don't make an effort kids WILL recognize your disinterest and lack of attention.#kids deserve to have caregivers who show interest and engagement#even when it's over stuff that adults find boring. especially then maybe#your kid doesn't have to be fun or interesting or easy or well behaved to deserve positive attention#they deserve positive attention because they are YOUR KID#if love is unconditional then DISPLAYS of LOVE and AFFECTION must also be unconditional#not something that must be earned#telling your kid that you love them is not enough. that is step one out of like a thousand#if you just tell your kid you love them but you don't demonstrate affection and interest and patience and warmth and etcetera#your kid isn't gonna feel loved! I Love You will just become a trite phrase that they regard with mistrust!#bitch you gotta FOLLOW THROUGH
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AU where Leo is trapped in the Prison Dimension for months instead of minutes and the only way he gets by with his sanity intact is through recording himself talking to his wrist comm.
When they finally manage to get Leo back and make him rest up to heal, Donnie can’t help but listen to the recordings left behind.
He’s not sure what exactly he’s expecting, only that his subconscious is screaming at him that it has to be heartbreaking, that it has to be torturous.
Instead, what Donnie is subject to is a full thousand hours’ worth of Jupiter Jim and Lou Jitsu crossover fanfiction. More than one part in the series. Spanning well over a million words.
(The worst part is that it’s actually good.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#donnie keeps the comms going on in the background as he works#when he gets to the end he’s like what the hell…where’s the rest#donnie: leo where’s part nine#leo barely cognizant after not needing sleep for months: whuh-#donnie: you can’t leave it at a cliffhanger. leo. leo where’s the next part.#listen leo has a great memory for his special interests this is CANON plus he’s a great talker so he would totally be able to do this frfr#whenever he needs to be quiet he’s SILENT but otherwise he’s regaling the exploits of his idols to the captive audience that is The Photo#sometimes Krang sneaks up on him and just listens to him talk like ????#it starts both as leo trying to comfort himself with his favorite things PLUS comfort himself with thoughts of his father#as splinter makes his own crossover fanfiction when sick lol plus he’s Literally Lou Jitsu#and yes krang ALSO gets a bit invested#leo notices the reduction of Ouch but hey more time for rambling fanfic for him 👍#idk leo’s a damn good actor/liar/planner/schemer and I genuinely think that can pivot into storytelling so well#the literal second mikey’s hands heal donnie zooms to his side with hand stabilizers and a request to draw ‘scene 82 from recording 3’#mikey’s like what#so obvs now HE needs to listen as he works#he too gets invested#he comes across raph who mentions having trouble sleeping#mikey: have I got the podcast fanfic for you!#it only somewhat helps raph sleep#somewhat bc sometimes he forces himself to stay awake to hear the rest#yes these recordings go to the whole fam and leo is none the wiser#they don’t even mean to hide it it just never comes up lol#it’s only when donnie FINALLY makes it to the end of the recordings that he confronts leo to continue the story#leo: oH YOU HEARD ALL THAT HUH-
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fighting back? against who? they're so happy—they've been waiting for you.
you are wonderful. don't you know that?
bonus: they play sims together :)
#running out of pre-made art for the queue… ;; sorry folks. hope you enjoy this though! you voted for it o7#utdr#wd gaster#gaster fanart#utdr fanart#deltarune fanart#deltarune#kris deltarune#utdr player#utdr soul#ney’s art#ney’s comics#if gaster was ever an enemy in the actual story i feel like it’d be like this. antagonistic but not behaving maliciously for fun#just dial up his genuine affection for the world to an extreme and make it tinged with Scientific Interest#bam. disconnected and maybe unintentional damage. baked with love from the void#… i do love a good edgy evil guy though. and the goofy takes are favorites too.#btw lowkey this is based on how much the fandom collectively (i think?) loves kris#like yes go blorbo we want to see you overcome all challenges :)#our buddy took all this trouble of taking us to build-a-vessel and someone just stomped on it when we finished :( rude
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im in agony. a little self indulgent but I think wyll deserves to be told he's loved and have a small breakdown about it
#bg3#wyll ravengard#tav#wyll x tav#baldur's gate 3#voltaical ocs#bishop#finally downloaded one (1) font bc i had too much dialog for this#i dont even hate ulder taht much i just thing wyll should talk about ANY complicated feelings he has about him.#also the way wyll always seems to be quoting him like pls what are YOUR THOUGHTS not some cryptic thing your father told you 10 years ago#and rlly if you take the way wyll describes the situation as hard truth#ALL the justification Ulder had for banishing his son#are conclusions WYLL has come to on his OWN since ulder only said ‘one word to him’#LIKE his relationship with his father could have been SO interesting but wyll isn’t allowed to have ANY introspection at all#so he just apologizes and wyll continues to try and please him
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"this is regrettably the best kiss of your life, you understand?"
#that “you understand?” kills me everytime...#i love how high condis voice got during this bit its so fkn funny DHASHGFSFGHASFhg#hi yes have the inevitable ep21 crit kiss piece except i watched ep53 today and am so 😀 im so 😀 damn i m so 😀#i love eps where they just go through so many different gimmick rooms its so fun its so fun when its not so painful 😀#happy valentines too ig#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#jrwi chip#jay ferin#jrwi fish and chips#my art#i had a bit of a meltdown over gill through uhm... 1-3am today and i just hm#sorry to everyone in the mayors QAC uhm im not really sorry but like sorry if you could hear every msg ping uhm yeah#it was like hours of me sobbing to myself in the interests channel and it was really good for my mental health ngl like its really therapeu#-tic to just scream abt a blorbo all night#and i ended up dreaming abt infodumping to one of my brothers friends of all ppl n i got so intense abt how much i love marshall john n my#brother came into the room and dragged his friend out 😭😭😭 i just wanted to ramble abt the himbo pls.....#my walls of tags are so consistent... only consistent thing abt this fkn blog smh.
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The narrator and the ugly ahh protagonist [Blank Scripts AU/non-canonical]
#tsp blank scripts au#non canonical art#shitpost#this is fr how people be drawing narrator and stanley.... narrator being way too handsome and stanley as a background character naahh..#honestly i just drew him like that because it was funny but then i got too attached to it like an idiot aghh#The Narrator (Black) is an entirely different made-up species originating from the ancient Arctic north#long before the Crystal Empire was even built.#The old one's tail only ever wags whenever Stanley is around. You can clearly tell who the favorite pony is#Imagine Black showing Stanley courtship behaviors like rolling on his back#showing his stomach to him#sliding his wings on his chin#trotting like a dancing mare around him#and generally just showing off to show Stanley that he's interested in him...#But because of the species difference (and because Stanley is one airheaded fella)#Stanley doesn't understand what Black is doing other than he looks beautiful while doing it.#the narrator (Black) can read Stanley's thoughts btw#so he knows what that silly guy is thinking about :)#tsp au#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#mlp#my little pony#mlp oc#my little pony oc#tsp#tspud#tsp narrator#narrator tsp#stanley tsp#tsp stanley
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[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]
Hitting a lil' too close to home?
#junie art post#ink sans#error sans#utmv#errorink#implied. but yea not the focus#this has been turning around in my mind for quite some time. im glad to finish it lmao idk if my ramblings make sense even.#so like listen. do you ever think about how similar the function of the utmv is to the dark worlds in deltarune.#in a meta narrative to fandom sense? idk the word#we are making exaggerated expanded worlds of the ordinary tools and entertainment of the real world and make it into something more#isnt that very very interesting?#and we explore every sort of possibility in that creation. both good and bad#and when all is said and done. every possibility found and the entertainment and secrets has all run out#we put it away. abandon and leave it behind#what is left? what happens to the world and characters we have created? can it sustain without us?#what of the ones left in the dark?#idk if yall saw me a few months ago but i reblogged comyet's old post of ink begging us not to leave him alone and to keep creating#yea that never left me#and seeing exactly THAT SCENARIO in deltarune made my brain iTCH#imagine an ink in King's position.... wait isnt that just underverse#mmmmmmm. darkner ink.....#also error is here too. not just for errorink or that i can't separate these two to save my life#but error is also one of the few people to be able to GET IT?? he can hear the creators too. ink cant#but hes pretty much programmed himself to avoid having a mental break down to this via reboot memory loss.#and ink has his own internal coping mechanism (hooray for short term memory loss)#these two idiots will do anything but confront truths lmfao#ahhh my favorite idiots. never change#mmmmm#deltarune
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anyway, Elden Ring is about love and hope
Marika burns everything she has build out of sorrow
Ranni banishes the Outer Gods and also fucks off the Lands, giving agency back to the normal beings of the Lands
Fortissax endlessly fights Death for his friend/lover
Melina burns herself and Erdtree in hopes of a better world in the hands of the Tarnished
Blaidd fights against the very reason he was created out of love for his sister
Ranni and Rykard always keep an eye on their mother, protecting her
Radahn evokes so much love from his troops that they organise a whole festival to give him a honorable death even in his madness
Radahn learns an entire new school of magic in order to still ride his favourite horse
Boc's love for his mother, his mother's love for him
How all but two endings are build on the hope that this new era (whatever it might be) will be good
Miquella attempting to create an whole new world-tree to host the forsaken and the damned
Miquella turning on the faith he was raised and even believed in to an extent, when it was unable to cure his sister's curse
The Cleanrot's loyalty to Malenia and their endurance of the Rot, only to stay in her service
Malenia marching through the entire continent in search of her brother
Finlay traveling all the way back on her own, carrying the incapacitated demigod on her back
Tanith's love for Rya
Dialos' entire questline
Edgar being driven mad after his daughter dies
Vyke embracing, to a point, the Frenzied Flame in order to save his finger maiden
or you know, that's just how I see it
#elden ring#i'm simplifying a lot in this#but that's the story#to me#it follows the pattern of the ds series too#where the world was miserable and depressing#yet the main theme was hope and perseverance#with elden ring we got so many more characters and as such love began playing a bigger part too#and you can't really have interesting characters without their actions being driven by love and hope#or lack thereof#even power-hungry characters are driven by the hope of reaching the power “level” they want#and hateful ones are driven by lack of love#or so i think
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Idea expanded, Rockstar Eddie falling head over heels for Bartender Steve working in a high class club type of joint. He sees him working one night and thinks God damn, he's hot. I'm taking him home tonight.
Except bartender Steve has developed a significant distaste for celebrities and rich people in general because of getting cut off from his homophobic parents for coming out and the general bad way many have treated him at work whilst sloshed. But lucky for Eddie, Steve doesn't recognize him. And even though he started off in a trailer park, the fame has gone to his head a little and he asks Steve out with the full intention of getting into his pants and never seeing him again.
But oh no, would you look at that Steve isn't easy. And what Eddie thought would be a booty call ends up being a ten hour date around the city where he has more fun than he even thought was possible. Just from talking with Steve about anything and everything, flitting to parks and museums. And Eddie doesn't even realize until he's back at his hotel that they didn't even kiss.
And they go out more and more, and Eddie likes him more and more and he finds out where the rich people hate comes from. And it scares him. So he keeps lying. Like an idiot. And he tells Steve a fake last name, he tells him a fake job (which is only half fake because he did used to be a tattoo artist) and he rents an air bnb that he pretends is his own place. And the lies keep getting more elaborate to cover up more lies. And he keeps refusing to meet Steve's friends out of fear that they'll recognize him. And he really just drove himself into a corner here because he is absolutely in love with Steve at this point but how the fuck can you have a normal relationship when you are pretending to be someone else?
Turns out you can't, and Steve finds out the truth despite his efforts. But the twist is, he thinks it's fucking hilarious. After a normal period of What the fuck reaction time he gets over it. But never let's Eddie live it down.
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6/27 Edit: Welp, now there's a fic.
Two fics actually. The other is by KikiZ on ao3 which is great if you're not looking for an explicit fic! Because mine will be. It's also a bit more introspective than what I got going on, and also thus far, hella romantic.
#steddie#steddie ficlet#steddie fic idea#that i am getting too interested in#rockstar eddie munson#steve harrington#eddie munson#just...ideas#we're just talking#steddie drabble#steddie fic#i just like the twist of avoiding classic angst#i find it very funny#all that work and stress and axiety#just for your boyfriend to call you a dumbass with affection#it...intrigues me#if I did write this I think a one shot basis could work#in theory#just in theory
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