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seth-burroughs · 2 months

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my response.

[longest recorded sigh known to man] Hi. [sniffs, briefly looks at the floor, then back into your fucking soul] I... [takes out and uncaps a a half-frozen żywiec zdrój water bottle making sure the logo and brand name is visible, cranes neck backwards and gulps down the entire thing in under 10 seconds] [coughs and sniffs again] As you can not see I've been crying... A little, I didn't do my make-up didn't do... My hair's a bit messy . I've... I'm trying to- write this, in the most humble corner At my 5 billion złotych villa I could find, I'm... On the floor right now, this is my basement, so- [smiles weakly, sighs. expression turns serious] This is different from my usual content. I... Really didn't want to make this post, but... Recent events have- This... Is the hardest post I've ever made. I've got a lot of hate recently and, it has affected my mental health.

I know I'm gonna get a lot of hate for this.... [sigh]..... Recent events have come to light in which- accusations- have... [takes out another water bottle, downs it's entirety in under 9 seconds] [sobs] It has come to light my, my identity as a... Yomi Hellsmile.... Fictionkin in the Rain Code fandom on tumblr. And and- I know that this... Came across as- shock, to all seven of you. This post serves as me adressing a few things, to paint a clearer picture of this whole situation. I... [sigh] I have realized I made a severe and continuous lapse, in my judgment, during the 5 years of which I served as the director of the peacekeepers in the Ward. [sigh] I just... let it get to me man, you know, the immense power granted by the capitalism gods there, but, nobody's perfect, i'm only huma- [stops] [audible gulp] 3 years. 3 years served as the director.

Due to my.... [starts petting my cat] past transgressions and problematic qualities, I've been facing... great mistrust and scrutiny, from the tumble kinmunity, but maybe I deserve it. [sniffs] [takes out another water bottle, downs it's entirety in under 8 seconds] [exhales] I am aware of my sins I've committed by the virtue of being a nasty abhorrent piece of shit villainkin, consciously, voluntarily and actively, despite not having- [flinches as the guy forcing me to write this post tightens his finger on the trigger, a clear warning] I mean, I am aware of my sins and am actively repenting, right now and my whole life from now on. Ok? Ok. [long sigh]

I have had it revealed to me, during my toluene huffing induced out of body experience yesterday, that I cannot be allowed to- exist in this world, nor be recognized by the council as valid, have I not feel guilt and shame constantly for the atrocities I've definitely committed in this life. And I now realize, how insensitive of me was to even list it, talk about it in any way or let it affect me and my life. [takes out another water bottle, lets it flow freely down my thrussy straight into my stomach, finishes absorbing it in under 7 seconds] [wheezes] I did not regret all of my actions hard enough, and for that, I need to simply accept the consequences of my past actions, and I hope you never forgive me. [sigh]

I've let you guys down. For- clearly not taking the obvious choice to simply hide or repress my kintype, or just, stop being kinning them. Just stop kinning them lol. Just stop it, since it's a choice and completely voluntary, and keeping that makes me a bit sus...... so I've been told. And for that, I am so fucking sorry. I'm on my knees right now begging for forgiveness and hoping that you'd kick my frail body for the audacity. [sigh] But.... I wanted to adress my side of the story, too, in this post. This is by no means an attempt at justifying my actions, this segment only serves as an explanation, as to how I saw- to better understand- that if you see how I saw things personally, you'll take pity and maybe, just maybe I'm not saying- believe- nevermind.............

[pauses. hesistates. takes out another water bottle and drinks it all under 6 seconds] [throws the emptied bottle behind me, hitting one of the hostages in his giant forehead, making a thwack sound] I don't remember much, but from what I can make out, I was in a very dark place at that time, when- when everything happened. [sigh] I failed torture college long before and never quite recovered, I've been struggling with my mental health, my boytoy hitman whom I won't name to conceal his identity and definitely not because I forgot, fucking died, all my employees were assholes, m*ske.d fr3a//k, and um- think of something, you're forgetting something, uhhh, fuck..... So you see- oh. There was also the... woman flesh cube incident, which, was what I ordered in a private moment, which should have never become public in the first place. I've already reached out to the victim and we're together aiming to resolve things peacefully. I think. She hasn't called me back. Well, anyway.

Now that we established this- I would like to apologize for executing Seth via firing squad that april. I had no idea he was queer and neurodivergent, had I known sooner I would not be this harsh with him, ever. I would also like to apologize for knocking out like, 2... [sigh] or 3.... of my employees that one day, I was under a lot of stress and pressure in that moment, and it just built up until I lashed out in a very destructive way. [sigh] In my defense, literal terrorists were blowing up my city and I was literally in the process of nearly arresting one of them. I will also apologize for kicking that one guy's body repeatedly, I would say, about.... 38 times, that time, and for that, um... he literally killed someone so I can do what I want actually, and I really- I don't really, remem- but I recognize some of you won't see it that way, and I'm sorry that- that's how you feel. And I apologize for also hitting that guy's neurodivergent boyfriend(?) with the whip later, I was under a lot of emotions still, and I was trying to make myself look more foxy to my subordinates present. But most of all, I would like to apologize for developing sexual feelings towards my shitty boss and arch enemy, m*k0t0 kag//uts/uch1. I did not realize he was minor-coded the whole time

[takes out another water bottle, sucks it dry in under 3 seconds] [meows] so :3 [sigh] no, sorry. I am so sorry, for everyone involved. But please understand, that I had grown and changed a lot since then, and am no longer that person. I mean that literally. I-Im really n- [a hostage gets shot for that implication] [stops] I mean, I want to grow and change from this moment and put the drama behind me- or not behind me really, I know I can never never truly atone for the atrocities. You know, I hope to be forgiven, personally, but if that won't end up happening, I will accept my due punishment to be brought out to public and flogged until I confess my sins and then, oh fuck, roughly manhandled and thrown down to the ground to get stomped on for being a ba- [professional editor's note: the following 6 paragraphs of the post have been deleted for a purely technical reasons]

[takes out another water bottle. it dematerializes in my hand.] [starts fake crying] I j-just... That was all I wanted to say. [sigh] I'm gonna upload this post unedited. [sigh] Before I finish this post, [sigh] I would like to announce that I [sigh] will be personally donating 50 groszy to charity, [sigh] in order to atone. [sigh] Please do not harass any of the people involved. [sigh] I hope you understand... [sigh] Now let us move forward. [sigh]

.........................................................................?

#mine #rain code #yomi hellsmile #shitpost tag #fictionkin #inspired by.... nvm those who get it get it. yeah.

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ottiliere · 1 year

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I love crawling out of the depths, opening up tumblr, and seeing your art. I love it.

it is quite interesting how social media can fall to the wayside, and people on the internet can just disappear forever if they really wanted to! I admit I struggle to keep up with "public accounts", they are uniquely stressful and I solute your hibernating tenacity. always lovely to see you resurface regardless, thank you very much for the lovely compliment...

I will say in case any of my dear followers were wondering where i've gone for the past month and a half, for weeks i've been pondering how to even broach the enormity of the topic that is: I made the mistake of thinking about my most favorite character for more than 2 minutes in one sitting. I intentionally go out of my way to avoid this and have many strategies to evade this occurring because every time I do enter a sort of hermetically sealed mental chamber where it's just me and him and his life and I begin to ignore all points of previously established social contact and also my health indefinitely. It's difficult to convey the emotional experience of this or its psychic magnitude. and it's hard to say "guys i really love this character!" because that's just words. you can't see it. the 10 years of obsessively thinking about some guy so intensely on&off cyclically until you've made 20 different worlds he's living in... how does one convey the depth of these without artistically depicting them as you see them to be...? i am trying to figure it out. currently planning a longform comic for my favorite and several smaller comics for others, but logically an individual can understand this takes a while... he and I have had multiple rendezvous over the past decade and I wish I had more "historical" art to show but for many of these years I have been a bit too physically disabled to draw, the past several weeks have been spent attempting to recreate his ideal form as he exists in my head. he is starting to come around!

I typed up three separate disquisitions last month to try and explain my feelings on him and none of them felt like the proper vessel to communicate this concept. which is likely for the best. the obvious answer is "just draw him". fine with this being the case, difficult when I have so many drawing ideas I'm now sitting on 100+ works in progress and they just keep accumulating since my brain generates these like an old laptop you leave in the corner of your room to mine bitcoin. in a way I'm content with this being a very "personal" experience thus far, shared with me and those in my inner social circle (really cannot emphasize to my readers enough how fandom can poison your constitution without self-checked moderation). however... I yearn to meet others who are as passionately involved with him as I am, because I think we could coalesce our ideas, and passion, into something beautiful...

^dio brando

#lucy art #might seem humorous to you that I get so emotional over dio brando every day that I get nauseated and sometimes cry. but tis my atlas #i could not tell you if jojo is actually good by the way outside of sbr which is the best part objectively #dio relapses occur ~once every 2 years and whenever they do i reread dio the invader thirty times and nothing else in the series #hes the only character ive ever bought merchandise for..I hated history until I met him now i can't read any kind of fiction but historical #sorry by the way to use your innocuous compliment as an excuse to talk about dio. wish it was not contrarian to my nature to just make #''posts'' publicly unprompted. i prefer to journal... i don't know how active I will be after this post even. will likely just go back to #sitting with him in a dark room until I finish any/all of the projects I've started #which is mildly unfortunate since I love to collaborate in the marketplace of ideas... my compatriots are out there somewhere #jojo is more popular than it was ''back in my day'' i don't know maybe some of you guys like it. asks always welcome lord knows #I've already pestered my friends with thousands of words about him already over this past month #sidenote: sasha askblog is not abandoned + never will be... it is a fun side project. like many things in life. much planned for him too

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tinkabelle24 · 1 month

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To Build a Home

Chapter 11: Buddy

TW! Eating Disorder, Infertility, Sexual Harassment/Assault.

Masterlist / Chapter 10

---

When one's constantly surrounded by chaos, they'll do anything to seize even the slightest bit of control.

That was what Val convinced herself she had - control. In truth, she was just tossing more fuel into the ever-growing fire.

"Since I was fourteen, I've struggled with an eating disorder," she solemnly explained. "It got so bad my period stopped. It's come back a couple times over the years, but it's never been consistent - until a few months ago. The doctors told me that cos I haven't had it in so long, the probability of me actually getting pregnant is incredibly slim... So, obviously, safety first... But I really don't think it'll be in the cards for me, unfortunately."

"...You would want kids then, if you could?"

That question seemed to pain Raph.

"Maybe? I'm not a hundred percent sure yet... I'd like to figure my own shit out first; there's no freaking way I'm working in hospitality the rest of my life... If kids happen later, then great. If not, then that's okay too."

"You seem so chill about it."

No, she was not chill. She hated knowing she likely won't even get a choice. But what could she do about it now? Not much...

Val shrugged slightly. "I just don't wanna spend any more time worrying over things I can't control." She offered the terrapin a tender smile. "Raph, you certainly aren't holding me back. You've helped me in unimaginable ways and, for that, I'm so grateful... I'd like to see where this goes... but if you need more time-"

"-No, I don't need more time," Raph interrupted, brilliant eyes piercing hers with infinitely more conviction. "I don't want more time; I've wasted enough tryna talk myself out of it. I want this - I want you."

That last part made Val's heart soar.

The brunette chuckled softly, before lowering her gaze in preparation for what she was about to say next. Though she'd never dream of acting on it without the Turtles' go-ahead, it nevertheless weighed heavy on her heart.

Val barely slept last night. She wanted to continue enjoying the moment, listening to Raph's rhythmic breathing as he slept beside her. In her bed. But her thoughts were spiralling.

She never felt so conflicted.

For the past several months, she'd essentially been leading a double life.

She dropped the ball about him to Molly the night after he showed up, unannounced, at her window. She couldn't recall ever being looked at the way he did her that night; like she were the only woman in this world.

It pretty much cemented her feelings for him.

Val was so caught up in the moment that she forgot, for a moment, he actually wasn't supposed to exist.

She attempted placating Molly with as much 'safe' information she could, but her friend could tell there was more to the story (she had an aptitude for sniffing out bullshit). Naturally, she blabbed to her boyfriend. From then on, both have been hounding her for answers.

Val tried playing it off as a one-time thing but, the closer she and Raph became, the harder it was to keep her two worlds apart.

Last night was her breaking point.

As elated as she was to have finally taken that step with Raph, Val couldn't shake the despair she felt at never, ever being able to share this moment with her best friend...

That beautiful, talented woman who'd always there for her; her bosom buddy, her confidante, her mother figure - Molly deserved better.

She knew the terms, but she had to at least try...

"There's something I need to ask of you - well, of you and your family. Though I'm not sure whether it's my place..."

Raph was all ears. "Shoot."

---

Mikey practically leapt out of his seat when he spotted Raph entering the Lair.

"Look who just stepped in from the walk of shaaame!"

Aaand it starts.

Sigh.

Let's just get this over with...

"Mikey, c'mon!" Donnie chided from the kitchen. He already had on his headset; another day another dollar. "I've told you this a million times - don't jump off the back of the sofa! You'll ruin it."

Ya don't think it's already ruined? It's more duct tape than sofa at this point.

Mikey was too busy hanging off Raph like a bad smell. "So...?"

"You're dreamin', Mikey," the older brother replied as he retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Aw, c'mon. Don't be like that!"

"Nope."

"Just tell me one thing, please?? Was it what you expected?"

No - better.

Raph turned to Donnie, disregarding Mikey's question. "I'm headin' back to bed."

"Val keep you awake, did she?" The purple-banded terrapin faced him, smirk lingering an uncomfortably long time as he nibbled away at his Pop-Tart.

"You're so gross," Raph deflected, gesturing to his brother's 'breakfast' with a scowl. "Eat some actual food."

"Go ahead, keep changing the subject!" Mikey called after him as he made for his bedroom. "You'll fold soon enough!"

Don't hold ya breath.

"Raph."

Raph groaned inwardly at the sound of his eldest brother's voice. He turned toward its origin, finding Leo exiting the Dojo.

"May I speak with you?"

It sounded like a request, but it never was.

"Can it wait? As you know, I've got patrol tonight; I'd like to get some z's in before headin' out."

"It'll only take a few minutes of your time."

Of course. Anythin' for you, SeNsEi.

"Fine," Raph eventually conceded, following Leo into the Dojo.

---

"I heard you spent the night at Valerie's?"

"What's it to ya?" Had Raph not already had his shell up, he may have responded with less hostility.

Anger flickered in the leader's eyes, but he responded calmly. "I was just wondering why I wasn't properly informed?"

"I told Casey."

"Yeah, you told Casey - not me. I only found out cos neither he nor Mikey would shut up about it. I don't appreciate you going around me like that. For safety's sake, please let me know first. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Raph bit out. He didn't want to drag this conversation out any further - he needed to be alone with his thoughts.

"One more thing." Retrieving his shell-cell from the pocket of his belt, Leo showed Raph a single text message sent by Val.

[Good morning :) Sorry I missed you last night; I normally don't leave somebody's place without saying goodbye :/ Thanks again for having me... I was wondering if I could request an audience with you guys? I need to ask you all something. How does Sunday night sound?]

"Do you know anything about this?"

"Yeah, I do." Raph had already granted her his blessing, but it wasn't him she was concerned about...

Leo lowered his shell-cell. "Care to elaborate?"

"Yeah, I don't think so," the red-banded terrapin replied haughtily, arms folding across his plastron. "Remember the last time ya went behind her back for information?"

"I just wanna know what I'm walking into."

"Here's a fun idea," Raph proposed, dialling the condescension to 11. "Why don't you accept her request, right? No, stop. Lemme finish... you accept her request, then wait for her to come to you. Ain't no need to be doin' anythin' else... Don't ya trust her?"

---

The smooth, soulful music usually helped elevate her mood – not tonight.

To put it mildly, Val was exhausted.

She was at hour 14 of her 18-hour workday; running on less than four hours’ sleep. The fact that she needed to pay her bills was the only thing keeping her going at this point.

Her thoughts frequently drifted to this morning. Though it felt liberating to have finally gotten everything off her chest, a good part of her was questioning whether she even had the right to make such a request.

She hoped to God this decision doesn't bite her in the ass...

The shift itself was relatively uneventful, until a particular man trudged up to the bar. He looked to be in his mid-thirties with sandy-brown hair, grey eyes and dressed business casual. He was polite enough when ordering his first gin and tonic but, judging by his restless demeanour, seemed rather agitated.

Suspecting he may just be having a rough day, Val decided to engage him in some small talk.

A stupid decision, in hindsight.

Things started taking a weird turn when he called her over for his second drink.

”Hey, what’s your name?”

”Valerie.” She saw nothing inherently wrong with this question; a lot of people asked it.

”Valerie...” But there was something off about the way her name rolled off his tongue, and the smile that accompanied it. “A pretty name for a pretty girl.”

Val stifled an eye roll at that. You’re gonna be one of those guys, aren't you?

She handed over his drink with a half-smile, before stepping away to tend to other patrons.

He persisted.

”How old are you?” The man asked, not five minutes later.

”I really don’t think that question's appropriate,” Val cautioned, eyeing him warily.

”Aw, c’mon,” he insisted. “You can’t possibly be embarrassed about your age - you barely look legal.”

If I wasn't legal, I wouldn't be working here, you dumb fu-

”Sorry,” the brunette shook her head. “I’m not telling you my age.”

“Alright,” he conceded, raising his out-turned palms. “I was just trying to make conversation, but fine.”

Yeah, whatever buddy.

'Buddy' left her alone for another fifteen minutes; though she could feel his lecherous gaze on her everywhere she went.

”I’ll have another, thanks,” he called out, shaking his raised glass at her. Val stared for a moment, incredulous.

The nerve-

Deep breaths...

She strode over to refill his glass.

”Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked, leaning against the bar with a smirk. “Is that why you’re playing so hard to get?”

Raph. His touch still lingered on her skin...

What were they now?

"Who says I need a boyfriend to rebuff your advances?”

He scoffed. “So, you don’t have one.”

"I didn’t say that.”

His smirk deepened.

Stop. You’re giving him what he wants.

She quickly finished his drink and pushed it toward him, then walked away.

The older gentleman seated a few feet away abruptly waved her over. "You alright?" He whispered, side-eyeing her problem patron. "Need me ta take care’a him?"

"No, thank you. I'm okay." It felt nice to know somebody was watching.

After what felt like an eternity, Buddy finally rose from his stool to reach into his back pocket. Val sighed inwardly, relieved to finally be rid of this creep.

He paid for his drinks. No tip, but she didn't care at this point; she just wanted him gone.

She turned back toward the bar, expecting him to have left. Nope. He was still standing there, waving a fifty-dollar bill at her. "Your tip."

Still wearing that stupid smirk, he dropped the bill at his end of the bar; likely expecting her to lean over so he could stare down her blouse.

Yeah, not gonna happen.

"Thank you," Val replied with a sickly-sweet smile, as she waited for him to walk away.

He did not.

Buddy nodded to the bill. "You don't want it?" He asked. No response. Her smile faltered when he pulled out a twenty and placed it on top, pushing the notes toward her.

"You don't have to-"

"-No, it's yours," he insisted, pushing them all the way across the bar. The situation was clear - he wasn't going to leave until she took the money.

Val stole a glance at 'Older Gentleman'; he was already halfway out of his seat.

"Go on. Take it."

Steeling herself, the brunette took a tentative step forward.

The moment her fingers touched the notes, Buddy lunged forward, snatching her wrist and yanking her toward him; more specifically, the bulge in his slacks.

Val finally snapped, using her free hand to repeatedly box his ear whilst twisting free of his grip. She then used both hands to shove him away. He must've caught himself in the stool as he stumbled backwards; Older Gentleman, who was now behind him, stepped aside to watch him fall flat on his ass.

The entire bar was staring now; she didn't give a shit.

"Get. Out." Val snarled, trembling with rage. She snatched up the bills and tossed them down at him, before jabbing a finger toward the door. "And take your shit with you! Go on, get out! NOW!"

"You bitch!" Buddy hissed as he hauled himself to his feet; Older Gentleman kept him at bay.

"Security!" The manager bellowed as she rushed over. "What happened?"

Val was too riled up to respond, so Older Gentleman answered for her.

"This asshole just assaulted that young woman," he explained, releasing her assailant into the arms of two security guards. "Somebody needs ta call police-"

"-No," the brunette interjected; she'd rather not deal with police ever again, if she could help it. "Let's just throw him outta here; he's made enough of a fool of himself."

Nodding, the manager motioned for security to escort Buddy out - without his money. She then turned back to Val. "Are you alright?"

The brunette nodded stiffly, avoiding Older Gentleman's concerned gaze.

"Why don't you go take a breather? I'll take over until you're ready to come back."

"Okay..."

"Hold on a moment." Older Gentleman knelt to retrieve the discarded $70, holding it out for Val to take.

"No, it's okay," she replied, gently pushing away his hand. "I don't want anything he's touched."

"Okay, then." He dropped the notes inside the tip jar, before retrieving his own wallet and pulling out a hundred-dollar bill. "This is his tip, plus mine."

Tears brimmed the brunette's eyes as she fervently shook her head. "No, please-"

"I insist," the lines around his baby blues creased as he smiled. "If ya was my daughter, I'd be incredibly proud’a you; ya deserve to be compensated for ya trouble. I'm gonna leave this right here..." Setting the cash on the bar in front of her, Older Gentleman then turned to her manager. "I'd like ta pay for my own drinks now, please."

"Of course. Right this way, sir. Valerie, it's okay - go take some time for yourself."

Val's teary gaze followed the two as they walked away, before turning to the cash Older Gentleman left atop the bar. It was too much - way too much. Why would he do that for her? She knew why, but why? It was unnecessary...

But Lord knows she needed it. Badly.

She glanced over at Older Gentleman; he was watching her from across the bar, nodding to the cash with the same determined smile. He wasn't going to let her walk away without it.

So, she took it... Then proceeded scrubbing her hands raw.

---

After viewing the surveillance footage, Kyle ‘Buddy’ Hill was officially barred from the establishment. To ensure staff remembered his ugly mug, it was added to the dreaded Wall of Shame.

"You won't need to worry about him coming in here again," Val's manager assured her. "If he so much as sniffs about, he'll be trespassed."

Those words did little to assuage Val. If that creep really wanted to get to her, he'd find a way; law be damned. Her stepfather was the same.

I may need to find myself another job...

It was after two by the time she finally clocked off. The brunette waited inside for her cab, as she usually did. However, this time, she was armed with more than just her pocketknife. In her other hand, her assortment of keys were wedged between each finger.

Something was coming; she could feel it.

Val contemplated calling Raph for help, but ultimately decided against it. This was not his fight.

It didn't take long for light to fill the concrete stairwell - her cab had arrived. Now, for the hard part.

Val took a long, unsteady breath.

You've got this.

"I'm leaving now, Karen!" The brunette called over her shoulder as she headed for the door.

"Alright!" Her manager called back. "Stay safe! Goodnight!"

Now.

Out the door.

Lock it. No, not that way - yes! That's it! Go!

Up the steps! She could see the cab now, not six feet away.

We’re gonna make it!

"Hey, bitch!"

---

Man, it felt good to finally be on a solo run!

Raph was stationed at Highland Park tonight; believe it or not, most shady dealings occur close to Mother Nature.

He was having quite the productive night. He'd already picked up several perps guilty of various crimes, from drug distribution to aggravated assault. He attempted stringing a few up like he used to, in his Nightwatcher days, but his shoulder was having none of it. The wound itself had healed, but he'll forever be dealing with the residuary nerve damage.

For every perp caught, Raph had to report back to Donnie so the latter could call it in to the authorities. The Turtles (officially) working alongside the NYPD; it was an alliance that required a little getting used to, especially for the red-banded terrapin. There were certain protocols they had to abide by regarding suspect treatment. Raph was technically breaking the law by manhandling his detainees; the way he saw it, none of them deserved the respect.

Ya fuck around - ya find out.

"Hey Don, ya copy?"

"Yeah, Raph, I copy. What have you got for me this time?"

"Two suspects in custody - armed robbery - corner of Jamaica Avenue and Chestnut Street. They're ready for pick-up."

"Will do, thank you."

"...Hey, mind if I take fifteen? I've gotta make a call."

"At 2 am? Ah. Val?"

"She's usually not out before 2:15; I'll catch her then. It's Casey. You know he doesn't sleep while I'm on patrol."

"Aww, that's a bit cute."

"I know, right? He loves me that much."

"Off you go, then; wouldn't want to keep loverboy waiting. Over."

Pocketing his radio, the red-banded terrapin glanced once more at his freshly caught perps, zip-tied to a metal downpipe, before ascending the nearest building.

"Thanks for coverin' for me, bud," he teased when Casey finally answered.

"Hey, don't come at me; Mikey stole my phone."

"Riiight."

"You snuck out, ya sly dog! Wanted to move the party somewhere else, did ya?"

Raph chuckled at that. "That was actually Val's idea." He was too chickenshit to make suggestions. Then again, he was quite happy to continue messing around in the shower.

Casey hummed. "It's always the quiet ones, mate. Always."

"...Hey, I need some perspective."

"Shoot."

"How do ya feel about... hidin' us from other people?"

"Well, we don't really have anyone to hide you from; you guys are pretty much the only family we have... Did Val say somethin'?"

"She asked if she could tell the best friend and best friend's boyfriend."

"Okay. What'd you say?"

"I'm fine with it, personally. Whatever makes her life easier. It's Leo she's worried about, cos he told her to keep us a secret.”

"Ah. Look, it'd be pretty hard on her if they're the only support she has; especially now that you guys are a thing - right?"

They talked about it briefly but hadn't yet come to a more concrete decision.

"She says she'd like to see where this goes."

"Well, there ya go - you got an in. Maybe you could talk to Leo about makin' an exception?"

"I offered, but Val wants to talk to him herself."

"Oh! Okay. She's brave."

Raph chuckled again. "I'll say."

"Raph? Raph! Come in. Over."

"Hang on a sec, Case... Don? What's goin' on? Over... Why? … WHAT?!”

---

Masterlist / Chapter 12

@android-cap-007 @happymoonangel @miss-andromeda

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dreamsatdusk · 6 months

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I've been thinking about this a lot and I need to share it with someone: I'm not going to lie by saying that I understand the feudal politics of tsarist Russia, but, at least on a superficial level, it's incomprehensible that no peasant resistance movement and no peasant uprising has taken place in Ravka after years of intensified exploitation and precariousness made worse by the geopolitical/war scenario.

Like… From what we can see of court life, the royal family and the nobles - although they don't live as luxuriously as they might if the country wasn't in the situation it was in - continue to live a comfortable and carefree life, with items that should be delicacies in that situation being part of their daily lives. This shows that the taxes collected from the peasants have increased so that their greed can continue uninterrupted, doesn't it? And, in a reality where the citizens of Ravka are being crushed by the price of lack of assistance to the families of deceased soldiers, of the maintenance of the national army, of poverty, of servitude (work accidents, planting difficulties, hunger, taxes) and of The Fold, how come they haven't done anything yet?

PS: As someone who hasn't consumed the official Shadow and Bone media, I have another question. Do you believe that Ravka's trade relationship or even political alignment* with Fjerda and Shu Han was maintained on some level during the reign of Alexander III, since the monarchs of the countries technically did not have a divergent policy (the tsar did not take any active steps to protect the grisha to keep them in a state of vulnerability and to control the power of the Second Army)? In your perception, how and why did or could tensions between them exist beyond the grisha problem?

* I faithfully believe that the leaders of these countries – or at least of Fjerda and Shu Han armies – could meet unofficially, as many liberal and far-right leaders have done in history, with the British royal family and Hitler being an example.

First off, huge apologies for the delay on responding. I’m working on replies to all three Asks and will post each as I get done. I’ve been dealing with some health stuff and between pain and tired brain, my focus for writing (and tons of other stuff, sigh) keeps getting zapped. But I really appreciate the messages! Hopefully the replies are at least somewhat worth the wait.

I think the question of revolution in Ravka is a very interesting one and likely has several aspects feeding into it, both in-universe and out of universe.

On the latter point, I suspect broader political implications didn’t factor into what the author ’s plans were for the story. It was her first set of books, it was YA, she was very focused on the situation of Grisha powers, etc. There is a move to more storyline complexity in later books like SoC and in KoS, we even have mention of a revolutionary: Andrei Zhirov, who is indicated as having been a “radical” in Nikolai’s grandfather’s time, executed for treason.

In-universe, Alina just doesn’t strike as someone who was likely very exposed to those ideas. While her origins were a peasant's, it’s clear that upon arriving in Keramzin, she was brought up in an environment that supported the nobility and the royal family and did not think that highly of the poorer people of Ravka. If Alina was taught of past revolution attempts, I’m sure it was couched in denigrating terms. The Keramzin children may not even have been taught such things in whatever history lessons they received. Also, Keramzin itself sounded like it wasn’t a very fancy environment. It sounded like people were well fed, they shelter and beds, and all of that, but it wasn’t draped in the opulence shown of the rich in Os Alta. When Alina first walks through the Grand Palace and sees the decor, she thinks:

I’d always assumed that Ravka’s hungry peasants and poorly supplied soldiers were the result of the Shadow Fold. But as we walked by a tree of jade embellished with diamond leaves, I wasn’t so sure.

Later in S&B, Alina and Mal have a conversation:

He wasn’t at all shocked to hear of the contempt with which most Grisha regarded the King. Apparently, the trackers had been grumbling more and more loudly amongst themselves about the King’s incompetence. "The Fjerdans have a breech-loading rifle that can fire twenty-eight rounds per minute. Our soldiers should have them, too. If the King could be bothered to take an interest in the First Army, we wouldn’t be so dependent on the Grisha. But it’ll never happen,” he told me. Then he muttered, “We all know who’s running the county.”

So THAT is super interesting. We see that a group of people of non-Grisha, peasant origins, has noticed stuff sucks for them in their area of experience (the military) AND that they blame it on the Grisha/the Darkling to some degree and not the king alone. I know that some readers interpret some of the Darkling’s remarks to indicate he is deliberately trying to suppress Ravkan technological development to keep the Grisha relevant. And I can see how one could interpret the situation that way. But I have not done so personally, because it doesn’t really make sense to me in terms of the intelligence the story tells us he has and his long view of matters, his ability to read “flow of power”, all of that. Yes, he has recognized that technology will increasingly put more people on par with Grisha capabilities and that’s a threat. But it’s not a threat that’s going to stop increasing in OTHER COUNTRIES just because Ravka doesn’t have, for example, better rifles. There’s nothing to indicate he thinks that it will either.

I also don’t think the story supports the idea the Darkling is really running the country. That said, he may be a big part of the reason it hasn’t gotten smooshed by Fjerda recently or something, as he does seem to spend a lot of time in the field working with his people, while the King? The King does not.

Anyway, we see that finished guns are something that comes over the Fold to reach eastern Ravka. Seems likely most if not all of them are imports, which adds to the difficulty: we know there have been blockades of Ravka ports on the True Sea. I also suspect nice rifles aren't cheap. We also see that the nobles seem to have been resistant to upgrading what production capabilities they are responsible for on the front of things like textiles. Nikolai coaxed some into doing more; there is no reason to think his father was attempting that. Ravka is repeatedly mentioned as being behind other countries in innovation and I don’t think there’s solid reason to think the Darkling is to blame for their failure to weave cotton, etc. in a more efficient manner. . But I do think there’s a lot of anti-Grisha sentiment running through Ravka that IS to blame for the idea that unhappy soldiers would think so.

The situation is also complicated by the fact of what came up in the Crows books and Nikolai duology: things like Fjerda leveraging enslaved Grisha for all sorts of stuff. Again, (out of universe), I don’t think the author had conceived of any of that at the time of writing S&B. But now that it exists, it raises questions such as, okay, Fjerda’s technological development is apparently being accelerated by Fabrikators, etc. And furthermore, things are so incredibly locked down information-wise that the Darkling has no idea that his people are being used in that fashion and that it relates to why Fjerda is innovating more than Ravka. Some intriguing fanfic possibilities there though.

(I am now distracted by the idea of Tailor abilities being more broadly cultivated for espionage purposes, but that’s another thing complicated by the evolution of the books. Genya could only do little things, per her own words, in the original trilogy. But then later she’s doing MUCH more, people who aren’t specialized in it are doing much more, people with practically NO training are executing minor miracles…. Yeah, a small mess to rationalize.)

To bring it back around to the original topic, taken all together:

To an unclear extent and degree, there have been revolutionaries in Ravka’s past.

The power of anti-Grisha sentiment in Ravka has likely diluted the amount of blame placed on the royal family and nobility of Ravka, compared to similar situations in Russia.

Many people are not in a position to pull all the pieces together to understand why Ravka is in the state that it's in. That doesn't mean they would not revolt, but it would have an impact on their approach, the likelihood, etc.

Ravka, Shu Han, Fjern Relations

If we take all of the tidbits revealed across all of the Grishaverse books and put them together, I think it shows that there has been on and off war between the three countries ever since Ravka became a nation in its own right (and prior) and that they have had periods of relative peace between wars.

It seems like they were not actively engaged in a hot war, so to speak, at the time of the S&B trilogy, but had been engaged in combat with Fjerda not all that long prior to it - Nikolai fought in the Halmhend campaign against Fjerda during his stint in the infantry, when he was barely 18. He later refers to an area on the border as territory having been mostly taken back by Ravka during that campaign. There's also a quote somewhere in the trilogy that implies they aren't currently fighting on two fronts, but may be again soon.

We know from the end of S&B that there were ambassadors from Fjerda on the skiff when the Fold was expanded, as well as a “delegation” from Shu Han (they seem to be lumped into the overall ambassador group in later references). During KoS, a Fjerdan ambassador is at one of the formal dinners in Os Alta. Vasily negotiated with Fjerda in S&S, and even though it turned out they were in cahoots with the Darkling at the time, the point is that there was a BELIEF that good faith negotiation was possible. In RoW, we learn Tatiana, Nikolai’s mother, had been a Fjerdan princess: “a younger daughter sent far from home to forge an alliance with Ravka that no one intended to adhere to.”

In KoS, Shu Han is seen as an option from which Nikolai might find a suitable bride (though again it turned out that this negotiation was not actually in good faith). And I have suggested previously that the fact tea is readily available to all social classes in Ravka in spite of the Shadow Fold could quite possibly be due to ongoing trade with Shu Han.

So in short, I absolutely think there were ongoing non-war relations between the countries, with the degree varying at different times.

In your perception, how and why did or could tensions between them exist beyond the grisha problem?

That’s a really interesting question. For Fjerda, I would expect resource contention would be a factor regardless of the Grisha. Fjerda seems to be a conglomerate stand-in for Scandinavia, but it is entirely above Ravka, Tsibeya sounds like a stand-in for Siberia, Siberia has harsh, enduring winters, and yet Fjerda is north of not!Siberia? Where I’m going with this is I’ve long had questions about the details of Fjerda’s climate, farm land, etc. and what it means for their society and so on. So I suspect they'd really like some additional land that's not as cold.

She Han, I have less of a sense of what could be the in-universe drive, beyond also wanting more territory. It seems Shu Han though, likely has a nicer overall climate than the other two.

EDIT: I realized I should clarify on the point about Fjerda enslaving Grisha. I realize Fjerda was using parem and that situation is later than the Ravkan civil war. I have not gotten to the Crows books for my detailed reread yet and so have not confirmed the specifics of what's revealed about timing. But I do remember some things that at least suggested some of the coercion of Grisha predated the use of parem (obviously the options would have been different without parem). If I feel otherwise after the reread, I'll post about it at that time ;)

#Grishaverse #Grishaverse Meta #Shadow and Bone #The Grisha Trilogy #The Darkling

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annabellewynter · 1 year

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Wild Lavender

Chapter One

Summary: Everett Greenwood never expected to be the Duke of Rorchester, that was a job for his older brother. But when sudden tragedy strikes, he finds himself thrust into a life he never wanted. Then he sees Melina delivering honey to the grand hall. The girl who lives in a shack in the woods becomes the only love his heart has ever known, but can society accept the simple woman as his choice? And will secrets from her past destroy their chance at love? Find out in Wild Lavender.

Note: This story is intended to be a Regency Romance and I have attempted to stay historically accurate, however, I am not a historian, so please excuse any errors.

Everett Greenwood sipped on a glass of brandy as stared out the window of his office. The small flat he called his home for the last several years was perched above a main thoroughfare in London and gave him the perfect vantage point to watch the bustling streets below. It was evening, and the sky was slowly darkening the way it does in the early days of spring. Many were on the street, the unusually fine weather pulling ladies and gentlemen alike from their homes to enjoy the fresh air. There were elegantly dressed couples in carriages, others strolling home from dinner parties and some just enjoying an evening stroll.

London

Everett did not consider himself to be a nostalgic sort, but he had to admit that he felt a pang of sadness at the realization that this would be the last night he would take in this view.

His thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched giggle coming from down the hall, followed by the low moan of a male's voice. Everett shook his head moving towards the door to close it when the door down the hall flung open. A woman furiously stomped down the hall while Phillip Matthews, still only partially dressed and holding his trousers up with one hand, shouted after her.

“Is it Anne? Lily! It must be Lily.” He faltered as the woman reached the bottom of the stairs and he made one final attempt. “Ruth?”

Her head snapped back to Philip's.

"It's Beatrix, you prat."

And with that, she was out the door.

Everett watched as Phil ambled into his office and slumped onto the couch. He poured him a brandy and refilled his own before he took the seat opposite him.

“That didn’t quite go as planned, I imagine.”

Phil shook his head and poured back the brandy.

“Not even one bit,” he sucked the air in through his teeth. “I certainly hope you have more forgiving women in Rorchester.

Everett shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been there since I was six years old.”

Phil's dark eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Since you were six? But your father was the Duke!"

"Yes, but we never lived there. He kept the London home and we lived here where Mother could be a more central part of society. Occasionally he had to go to Rorchester, but he never brought me. George was the oldest and would become Duke, so I didn't have to be there."

"Well, this is great news then!" Phil slapped his knee in excitement. "You can just do the same and we don't need to leave London and head out into the middle of the countryside where nothing and no one exists."

The stare Everett issued to Phil said plenty and he once again reiterated, "You do not have to come Phil. I will be just fine on my own. Besides, I've been thinking of asking Kipley to join me in Rorchester to help get things in order."

Phil's mouth fell open in shock. "First, you are not doing this without me. You need me. Secondly, why on earth would you invite Kip? He has got to be the most extraordinary dull human being in all of England!"

Everett did his best to hide his smirk. "Kip happens to be extremely good at arithmetic. I understand he was a great help to his uncle in organizing his books."

"Of course, you understand that!" He was standing now, pacing the room, still holding his trousers up with his fist. "He told us no less than three hundred times what a big help he was!"

Everett knew this line of conversation would irritate Phil and he was rather enjoying goading his closest friend. Still, asking for assistance from Kipling Stromwell was an intriguing idea. The truth was that Everett had no idea how to run a Duchy. Not only had his father neglected to teach him, but Everett had little interest in such dealings. He had spent his years after university in His Majesty's Navy. That was how second-born sons were meant to bring their families pride. But now, with both his father and brother killed in a sudden accident, he became responsible for his mother, his two younger sisters, and an enormous quantity of land and the people living on it. He knew absolutely nothing about how to successfully do this. The only thing he did know was that he didn’t want to do it the way his father did. Everett didn’t take things lightly, so although it was not the position he wanted or imagined himself in, he would do it to the best of his ability, nonetheless. So, he packed up his life, sold his flat, and sent all his father's records to Rorchester. His mother and sisters could stay in the London home. There was no need to further disrupt their lives. But Everett knew the only way to learn about his duty and to do it well, was to be in Rorchester.

"Tell me you are kidding about Kip, Everett" Phil pleaded.

"He would be useful. I'm not certain you could claim the same" Everett challenged.

Phil scoffed. "My uses are far and beyond bookkeeping."

"Oh really? Such as…"

Phil stood thinking and then snapped his fingers in delight. "Entertainment. Who else will make sure you don't become some stuffy old Duke, wasting away in his grand estate? I'll keep you young and having fun…and getting laid" he smirked.

"You didn't seem to do such a great job of it for yourself."

Phil scoffed. "I've had to bid farewell to far too many women this week. I was bound to make a mistake here or there."

Everett chuckled. He adored Phil from the moment they met at University and he convinced him to cheat at a game of cards. They were both quite inebriated and their attempts did not go unnoticed. It only took a few hands before they were discovered, but Phil, keen as he was, noticed a split second before they were confronted. He shoved a fistful of winnings into his waistcoat, grabbed a bottle of scotch off a nearby table, and tugged Everett out the door.

They ran as fast as they could, twisting through alleyways and side streets. Everett can still remember how much his lungs burned with the exertion and how his cheeks ached with laughter. Eventually, they ducked into an empty doorway and hid out of sight until they were sure they were safe. It was then they opened the scotch and each took a long pull on the bottle. Phil emptied his pockets and they counted their winnings.

“You do realize that my father is a Duke, Philip. Money is not hard to come by. I easily could have bought a bottle of liquor,” Everett chuckled.

Phil shook his head, still counting their loot. “My father is the Earl of Barlington” His voice became low and stern, mimicking his father. “We’ve always been able to buy whatever we please, Everett. The point is”, he looked up meeting Everett’s eyes. “Liquor tastes better when stolen and a muff feels better when borrowed.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Now come on, Everett. Let's go to the brothel. I think we have just enough.”

“What is it?” Phil asked, taking in the faraway look on Everett’s face.

“Nothing. I was just remembering the day we met.”

Phil smirked, “Damn, I still have dreams about that blonde.”

“You do have a way of entertaining, I suppose. Although I’m rather shocked we made it without ever getting into trouble. Especially in the Navy.”

“We were officers in the Navy, Rett. The son of a Duke and an Earl at that. How much could they do to us?”

Everett shook his head, “The second son of a Duke and the third of an Earl. It may have gotten us out of a few jams at University but His Majesty’s Navy is an entirely different story.”

“Fair enough,” Phil stood, setting down his empty glass with a clang. “Now it’s our last night out in London for a good while. And you, my friend, are no longer the second son, but a Duke in his own right. Let's go out in the city and see how much we can get away with, eh?”

The following morning, Everett woke with a start. To be clear, it was not his first time waking that day, nor was it morning. Everett had already rose, dressed, and poured himself into a carriage headed for Rorchester. He remembered very little of this, other than his head throbbing painfully and the sun seeming exceedingly bright for the hour. It took only a moment before he was, once again fast asleep to the rumbling of the carriage.

The second time he woke, was half a day later when the carriage stopped at Greenwood Hall. Everett peeled his eyes open, taking a moment to adjust to the lack of movement, and ran his hands through his thick brown hair. His large hand rubbed the scruff on his chiseled jaw that he had neglected to shave before departing. It was not the impression he had intended to make but when he recalled the night of revelry he enjoyed in his final night living in London, he could not say that he regretted his carelessness with his appearance. Everett’s muscles felt tight from the long journey and he took a moment to stretch his limbs. As he did so, he attempted to rouse Philip.

“We’re here, Phil”

Phil rolled over with a groan and buried his face.

Everett harshly nudged his leg. “We’re here. Get up!”

“Alright, alright. Clearly what the Duke says, goes.” He lifted his head with a gruff.

“Have you finished mocking me?”

Phil stretched with a smirk.

“I’m insulted! I would never challenge the commands of the Master of the House.”

“You are an ass,” Everett growled and exited the vehicle. He walked towards the house, taking in the staff waiting outside to meet him. It was a skeleton staff at this point, only the bare minimum until Phil had adjusted to what was needed and arranged for the necessary hiring.

Everett and Phil had brought their valets from London which would be plenty for the time being. In addition, there was a butler and housekeeper, cook, and several general maids together performing the tasks that a dozen or more staff would normally do. However, since the great house had remained closed up, outside the servants' quarters, that was enough.

Greenwood Hall was a grand hall of dark red brick accented with white stone entryways and windows. The hall was wide and flanked by a clock tower on one side and an orangery on the other. Behind the estate was one of the grandest gardens in all of England. It had been designed by Everett’s great-grandmother who deeply loved Rorchester and Greenwood Hall. He grew up hearing the stories, but never fully understood why his father had abandoned the hall. It’s true, this area was not wealthy. Everett had heard his father complain for years that the farmers were not successful in this area and the villages were poverty-stricken. It seemed an odd revelation to behold this grand empty hall presiding over it all.

Everett took a few moments to introduce himself to the staff and allowed the housekeeper, Edna Baker to show him through the parts of the hall that had been reopened for him.

“Unfortunately, due to the unexpected passing of the late Duke, we did not anticipate that the hall would be opening again so soon. I apologize that we were unable to have it ready for you, Your Grace.”

Everett shook his head. “No need to apologize, Ms. Baker. It was quite unexpected.”

The estate felt oddly familiar to Everett, but not recognizable. Almost the way you remember a dream immediately after waking but you can never quite get the full picture clear. It felt odd and he found himself drifting into a sort of daydream when Philip finally arrived from the car and joined them.

“This is quite a place, Rett.”

Everett nodded, taking in the scene as they strode up the stairs of the grand hall. The floors below were a bold black and white marble and the rich mahogany wood of the railings was shiny and smelled of fresh polish. They had made sure to clean and polish this area of the home so that it was presentable for his arrival. As the light shone through the rows of windows lining the front of the house, however, he could see the particles of dust floating through the air from years of inactivity. When they reached the second floor, Everett and Phil were each taken to their respective rooms where their valets had stored their belongings. Everett had asked not to be placed in the Duke’s former chambers. It felt odd to him to take over the bed his father and mother slept in, even if it was so many years ago.

“Is there anything I can get you, Your Grace?” Edna inquired.

“No thank you, Ms. Baker. I believe I will wash up and perhaps take a stroll in the gardens before dinner.”

“Very well, Your Grace.”

Phil stretched beside him. “I think I am going to rest a bit longer. I’ll be down for dinner.”

Everett nodded and turned to go but then stopped. “Thank you, Phil.”

Phil shrugged, “What for?”

“You’re a good friend, Phil. I know the decision to move out here and help me to get settled into….all of this. It was not an easy choice.”

“Sure it was.” Phil clapped Everett on the shoulder. “That’s what friends do, Everett.”

And with that, Everett and Phil parted ways, into their rooms.

After getting washed and shaved, Everett felt like a new man. He once again, wandered through Greenwood Hall, this time with fresh eyes. It wasn’t time for dinner and the weather was fine, so he exited onto the veranda to look out at the gardens.

The gardens covered acres of land and included a hedge maze, a pergola covered with roses and wisteria, flowering bushes, and a glass greenhouse for a winter garden.

Everett closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air, lightly scented with the early spring buds beginning to blossom. He opened his eyes and looked out at the sky. It was startling the colors that he could pick up when he looked. There was orange and yellow, but red, pink, and purple too. He couldn't remember the last time he had paid any mind to the sky at dusk and realized just how lovely it truly is. But when he heard the screech of the old back door open, his eyes easily left the sky to study the woman exiting below.

She was wearing a long flowing dress and he could see she was thin but strong. Her hair was strawberry blonde and pulled back into a braid, although several strands had escaped and were flying wildly around her as an evening breeze blew in.

Everett was mesmerized by her, watching her walk purposefully across the narrow garden path and towards the forest. He had not even seen her face, but with each step she took away from him, a feeling of panic began to rise in his chest. He stared, fighting the urge to call out or run after her. He needed to stop her, but no words came. So he simply watched, until she was gone, disappearing into the trees.

Everett exhaled, realizing he had been holding his breath. He instinctively clapped his large hand over his chest, feeling his heart wake up like a bear hibernating for a long winter and suddenly coming alive with the spring. Everett did not know exactly what this strange feeling of longing and regret was, but he knew one thing. He needed to find her.

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sabakos · 8 months

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Can you please explain why you hate Marxism? (I already suspect what you are going to say, but I have never read Marx, and I assume you have)

The main objection I have, that really precludes Marxism more than refutes it, is that I reject the idea of social conflict theory; I'm highly skeptical that groups like "the bourgeoisie" and "the proletariat" can be said to meaningfully exist in a way that stands up to any sort of rigorous analysis, and I don't really buy that a claim like this could even be in a category of claims that I could believe - it's just too broadly defined to meet any standard of evidence. But I'm a mereological nihilist and a reductionist to a fault - the existence of "gunk" (a technical term) such as cultures to be interpreted or social systems to be analyzed is all utter nonsense to me, there are single humans and there is all of humanity and there are no meaningfully distinct groups in between beyond utter trivialities of definition (left handed people are not righthanded, etc). And I see this issue as mostly unresponded to or unexamined in scholarly literature; so while it's true that my philosophical worldview here renders several whole academic fields obsolete beyond Marxism but I largely believe the failure modes are identical for all of them and that they have not made their case.

Beyond my own insurmountable standards of evidence, I'm not sure I see the practicality of it? I'm aware that some Marxists avoid the sort of conspiratorial pitfall you commonly see where people believe that "the class war" is willfully being fought by the Other Side, that some cigar-smoking fat old white men in business suits and monocles are plotting on how to beat exploit the working class, and the only way to beat them is to raise class consciousness and plot against them even harder. But if this isn't the desired end-state of your ideology I'm just not sure what the point even is?

My annoyance with Marxists also extends beyond this, which I take to be a more charitable assumption, that "Marxist" refers to someone who has read, understood, and agreed with Marx. What are much more intolerable are the wider set of "Marxists" who are more "fans" than "followers" of Marx, and buy into the whole cult of personality and hagiography where Marx is said to have read Hegel or even studied under him (the latter chronologically impossible), or made some great contributions to calculus or history or economics or sociology, or whatever else. These people are mostly guilty of being twenty years old and trying on political ideologies the way old ladies in fancy clothing stores try on hats. There's no point in engaging them, because they'll lose interest in Marx just as fast as they acquired it, either once it stops paying social dividends or as soon as they find something else that pays more. They usually have shockingly reactionary other political views, usually again without much depth to them. Following past generations most of them will probably convert to Catholicism once they land a job that requires them to pay taxes. But they outnumber every other sort of leftist by a factor of ten and so I hate them all for it so, so much.

And realistically I've only got a finite amount of time and brain power on this planet. So in practice if someone who's a public intellectual calls themselves a Marxist or takes a "Marxist approach" to history or economics or aesthetics or whatever, I just write them off as a moron and don't even attempt to engage. It's not worth my time, to put it like a rat-adj, my prior on their level of epistemic hygiene is just too low.

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tirorah · 2 days

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PGSM (2003) Is a Story About Human Beings, and I LOVE It

Years ago, I attempted to watch the live-action Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon show, or PGSM for short. And I quit because it looked so silly I couldn't maintain my sense of disbelief.

I've learned not to judge a show by its looks since then. So, when I stumbled across a 20-second PGSM clip two weeks ago, I thought, "Shouldn't I give that another chance?" I'd heard a few interesting things about it, so I decided the answer was yes.

It took me a little while to adjust, sure. Some things still looked ridiculous to me. And yet, with every episode I became more and more emotionally invested. I started to see PGSM for what it truly was: an intricate tapestry of character-driven storytelling.

If you've read my other posts, you know I love characters more than anything. What I also love is an emphasis on narrative consequence and a willingness to explore new and/or interesting ideas, particularly when it's a new entry in an already-established franchise. And it just so happens that PGSM ticks all of these boxes!

In short, this show was made for me.

I'm not going to write about all of the clever things this show does because that would take far too many words. Here's my quick two cents: I think PGSM is excellent. It has flaws, and I think it only appeals to a certain type of viewer. But if you are that type of viewer, like I am, you're likely to be swept off your feet!

So yeah, I never thought I'd say this, but I love this show. It's by far the most fun I've ever had with Sailor Moon. And as is standard by now, I'm going to tell you why I feel that way under the cut.

First, I'll go over how PGSM manages to work at all. Then, I'll outline the theme; the central questions at the heart of the story. Finally, I'm going to illustrate just how well this show pulls off its primary goals---by examining the character arc of a certain old favourite of mine.

[FULL spoiler warning!]

[Word count: ~6,000]

New Kid on The Block

Ever since its inception, Sailor Moon has been an enduring presence in Japanese media and merchandising. Its presence has waxed and waned over the past decades, but it has nevertheless managed to remain incredibly successful. The original 90s manga spawned a concurrently running anime series, musicals, the Crystal anime series in the 2010s, and much more.

The fun effect of all these different versions is that each is its own thing. Even Crystal, which adheres much more closely to the manga than the 90s anime, is still different; a story can't be told the same way in every medium. This is why adaptations are difficult to do and are likely to piss off someone, regardless of intent or execution.

Smack-dab between the original and recent versions, a bold little beast emerged.

Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon aired from October 2003 to September 2004. Unlike the versions before and since, it's a live-action tokusatsu superhero TV series, like Super Sentai--a show the manga also drew inspiration from. This again marks a significant change when it comes to storytelling possibilities.

PGSM faces several challenges on top of that. It only exists because the musicals were so successful, yet it has a shoestring-looking budget that makes some aspects of the show look underwhelming. The lead actors were young and inexperienced, so it can take a bit for everything to click performance-wise. Lastly, the characters tend to have their faces in full view during action scenes, rendering the use of stunt doubles difficult and therefore limiting choreographic possibilities.

And yet, under the stewardship of writer Kobayashi Yasuko and a ton of passionate and experienced staff, this show found a way to stand shoulder to shoulder with beloved works of the franchise.

Let's examine how.

Limitations, Genre and Theme

If I'd given you a rundown of the obstacles PGSM faced without my glowing praise attached, you'd probably think this show was sent out to die. Maybe it was, I don't know. Perhaps someone at Toei thought it would hoover up some merchandise sales before it fell off a cliff to its pyrotechnic death!

The amazing thing about PGSM is that it takes these challenges and turns them into its greatest strengths. This is a show that understands the constraints it has to operate within. It can't compete on action and special effects, so it hones in on something it can execute well and bring a unique twist to: characters and story.

Its best claim to fame, at least in the little discussion I saw of it, is how it reworks its characters to serve a brand-new spin on a familiar narrative. But I believe this description to be...insufficient. The changes made here go beyond adjusting and emphasising personality traits. This is a paradigm shift; a top-to-bottom overhaul and a tribute to Sailor Moon all at once.

While there's still an overarching story that involves protecting the world from evil and salvaging a doomed romance from a previous life, the real meat of PGSM lies in the rich inner lives of its cast. This shifts the genre to character-driven drama with a dash of soap opera.

As a result, those aforementioned inner lives are established, built upon, and allowed to emerge and clash naturally. All the while, the characters contend with a turbulent new reality which further affects their interpersonal relationships. That in turn shifts the theme to something much more personal: past life versus current life.

What does it mean for your identity to be reborn with memories from a past life? What do you do when that past life has a stranglehold on your current one? Are you doomed to repeat the mistakes of ages past?

And what effect do these challenges have on a person's psyche?

PGSM spends its 49-episode runtime exploring these questions to the fullest. I consider it a true ensemble work, as every major character is relevant to the story and drives it forward at some point. And because each of them is unique, we're shown a full spectrum of viewpoints that are informed by personality traits and emotional baggage.

So, yeah, it's really good. Really damn good.

In fact, to demonstrate just how in-depth and detailed the characterisation is, I'm going to spend the rest of this post analysing my favourite example of a PGSM character arc: the understated and expertly-paced struggles of one Kino Makoto.

Wood and Thunder

A core part of Makoto in every version is her dual nature--possessing both traditionally masculine and feminine characteristics--and how this clashes with societal expectations. With her curly hair and long skirt, she comes across like a typical sukeban (a delinquent girl) of the time. Her imposing height, incredible strength and fighting skills confirm that image.

In truth, the sukeban resemblance is exactly that and nothing more; her hair is naturally curly and her new school doesn't have a uniform in her size. She only uses her strength to protect others. Notably, she has a romantic heart and yearns for a place to belong, perhaps even a person she can belong with.

Absolutely none of that matters to society. Through no fault of her own, people only see one side to her and assume the other doesn't exist. Prejudice and ostracisation follow.

You might think this would cause Makoto to be ashamed of her more masculine traits, but that's not the case. She might feel embarrassed by them at times, or attempt to play up her feminine side to compensate, sure. But in the end, she embraces all of these characteristics and doesn't think it's wrong to be this way. People just refuse to see the feminine side that's openly on display.

So, here we have a character with a compelling set of characteristics that can be utilised in different ways. The approach taken is something that differs per version. But like all things Sailor Moon, Makoto is a product of her time; the sukeban aspect is particularly dated.

As an early 2000s show, PGSM had a chance at a fresh start with this concept. Suffice it to say I was very interested to see how it would update Makoto to a new millennium and modify her without erasing her core traits. What I got was far more than I bargained for.

Makoto's PGSM debut gives us an effective overview of her as a person that hits many familiar beats. She protects Usagi, returns Usagi's friendliness with her own, develops a crush on a guy, and kicks ass both in and out of Senshi guise. She had her heart broken by her senpai at her previous school, but she also felt like something was urging her to come here. Now she knows why: she had comrades to meet.

This looks like a mix of Makoto's introduction in the manga and 90s anime, adapted to modern times. But all that familiarity is distracting you from something. There's actually a big deviation here, and you can see that before she even does anything.

Take a good look at this picture. Obviously the sukeban influence was removed from her design, but that's not the most important detail here. Hopefully you'll notice what I didn't:

There are no rose earrings.

Everything spirals out from there. The Makoto from the 90s was open about her femininity, but the Makoto we meet in PGSM barely shows her feminine side at all. In fact, she takes great pains to hide it.

This affects her character on a fundamental level. When she first appears, she comes across as unusually withdrawn and stoic. As is typical of the character, she swiftly opens up to Usagi and that seems to be the end of aloof Makoto. But that feminine side doesn't surface. She still dresses in unisex clothes that lean more toward masculine than feminine.

Likewise, her flat may have a few plants and a neat kitchen, but they don't take centre stage. There's a skateboard and a hat collection (my beloved!) that are displayed at the entrance. A logical location, but that also means it's the first thing you see when you enter.

So, what gives? Here's the thing: the characters in PGSM are emotionally complex. Much work and care went into characterising all of them. Because of this, the characters feel like real people. They argue, make mistakes, agonise over things... Not to say this isn't the case in other versions, but PGSM takes it further and really emphasises how vulnerable--how tragically human--these characters can be.

That's what is being tied into here. Being mistaken for a tomboy, despite being openly feminine, is an external issue. But for PGSM's Makoto, the conflict is internal. She doesn't want to be seen as feminine. When exposed or questioned, she denies it despite being a terrible liar. If the questioning continues, she actually uses her tomboy image to refute it.

She does this because her feminine side makes her vulnerable. This Makoto has been burned so many times that she's developed abandonment issues. She's one bad experience away from yet another cocktail of intense sadness and deep-seated anger. Sometimes a mere reminder is enough to get her down, too.

No one wants to feel like that. She's learned the hard way that opening herself up to others puts her at risk. That's why she prefers to play these darker feelings close to her chest.

To demonstrate all of this, her debut episode shows us exactly how bad it can get. It puts her through an especially cruel combination of deception, humiliation and rejection, no punches pulled.

It's at this moment that Makoto has had enough. Taking this risk was a mistake and it should never be repeated. She slams the gate to her wounded heart shut and locks it tight. The walls of her inner fortress become that much higher.

Learning to lower those walls and make another try for happiness is Makoto's character arc in PGSM.

This is why she was shifted so much toward the tomboy archetype. By giving Makoto an emotional incentive to deny a part of herself, PGSM gives her a believable, deeply personal obstacle that can take her the entire show to overcome. She now has to engage with her abandonment issues in order to become the more balanced person we know she can be.

Her powers as Sailor Jupiter also connect to this: there's the explosive power of lightning on one end and the soothing aura of nature on the other. Two distinct halves that each bring their own benefits. But Makoto's starting point is pure lightning.

Multiple times throughout the show, we're shown that nature is trying to communicate with her. But because she starts out as a lightning bolt, she doesn't understand it at all. This is another avenue for self-improvement, and PGSM understands that too; it explicitly ties the awakening of a Senshi's full powers to overcoming a core character flaw.

So, given all of that, how does PGSM build on the devastation she suffered during her debut episode and the emotional consequences left in its wake?

I'm happy to report it does nothing for 24 episodes. Yes, really.

For half of the runtime, Makoto acts as the support of the group; often present, but never centre stage. Sure, she develops a dynamic with each of her new friends, and she even begins to show some of her feminine aspects as that trust grows. The more she does this, the more her affinity with nature subtly increases; she begins to use non-lightning attacks and comes ever so slightly closer to understanding what the wind and trees attempt to tell her.

But when it comes to the story, Makoto doesn't drive most of the events that occur at this point. She becomes involved, or agrees to go along with something, but rare is the instance where something happens directly because of her actions. She contributes, but she's never in the driver's seat. She's the one who helps others become better versions of themselves.

She develops, but she doesn't grow.

This delay is 100% intentional. A Makoto who's only giving, only protecting, is completely fine. There are no lingering issues she needs to deal with because they've been swept under the rug, tucked away behind the walls of her fortress. For all she reveals of herself during this time, her abandonment issues might as well not exist.

This is PGSM's devotion to character-driven storytelling and narrative consequence on full display. As Makoto ignores her emotional baggage, PGSM is likewise content to misdirect you away from it.

Cycle of Fear

It's not until episode 31 that Motoki--the most endearing turtle nerd to have ever lived--unwittingly pokes at Makoto's defences. Up until that moment, she'd first considered him an acquaintance and later a supportive friend. In other words: a safe coexistence.

The moment she realises he has a crush on her, that safety disappears and all her thoroughly-buried insecurities rush to the forefront. Her old stoicism slams into place as the mask we now know it to be and she does her best to avoid eye contact. As brash as she usually is, she now struggles with all her might to seem detached and logical. She has to; the alternative is revealing how anxious this situation makes her. Although Usagi, Ami and Rei have earned her trust, showing that most vulnerable side of herself is still a bridge too far.

She drags herself to the date (probably because Usagi wouldn't let her worm her way out of it) and spends the entire time being awkward in spite of Motoki's oblivious excitement. It's clear that her heart isn't in it, but in typical Makoto fashion, she places the needs of the kind, sensitive Motoki above her own and does her best to let the date die a natural death.

Then, a sudden connection!

Makoto is stunned at first. No one has ever said that to her. As Motoki continues to extol her virtues--half of which are about how incredibly nice she is--she lights up! Aww!

...Only for her insecurities to take over again after an offhand mention of parents by Motoki, because PGSM is a story about fallible human beings. She immediately attempts to leave and is only stopped by a nosey Luna. It's impossible for Motoki not to notice something's off at this point. Keen for clarity, he decides to confess his feelings when they're not surrounded by other people. Makoto rejects him--by denying her femininity.

This is a direct result of Makoto's actions in the first half of the show. When she started to open up to her friends, she could've taken it further and started to navigate her issues. Her friends could've helped her. Instead, she chose to pretend that there was nothing to fix.

Now here she is. Avoidance--her first line of defence--has failed. Her second wall, rationalisation, has also been bypassed. Emotionally cornered, she falls back on the same defence mechanism she used at the start: denial wrapped up in irrational beliefs and low self-esteem.

"I'm really strong and get into fights. People are scared of me. That means I'm actually not feminine at all and what you saw was an anomaly. And because I'm not feminine, I'm not dating material."

By maintaining her tomboy image and denying her feminine attributes, this reasoning allows her to pre-emptively sabotage any blossoming relationship for herself. While this might bring relief in the short term, it's also the very thing that keeps her from happiness. Makoto is the Senshi of courage, but here she demonstrates how afraid she truly is.

Motoki seems to recognise this on some level. To him, Makoto is a strong, confident person. But she's also reserved in a way, and now that the emotional mess underneath is being dragged into the light, it's clear she's like that for a reason. He sees her for who she truly is and he likes what he sees, but she's not in a good enough place, mentally, to see that too. So he does the only thing he can do: he gives her space. He reassures her that she is feminine and then leaves her be.

"Why?"

This is the question that has plagued her for years. Uttered by a young Makoto and echoed by her present self, this representation of her thoughts comes up whenever loss or rejection hits. What matters here is the context: for once, it's Makoto who did the rejecting. She's in control.

So then, why does this still happen?

This is one of the uncommon moments where PGSM engages in subtlety. We don't get a definitive answer here. Makoto asks, "Why?" but we don't know what that refers to in this moment. We have to infer that ourselves.

My reading is as follows: "I rejected him before he could reject me. I removed him from my life before I could lose him. So why does it hurt? Why do I feel sad?"

During the subsequent fight against a powerful Youma, the other Senshi are held up and she ends up cornered and alone. It's an all too familiar scenario. She flashes back to all of the people she's lost.

Motoki shows up too, but he's almost impossible to make out.

At that very moment, the wind picks up around her. She lets out a breath in awe, gazing up at the swaying branches as the wind seems to communicate something. And then she awakens. Although she still summons a lightning attack, it's now taken on a green colour, signifying a new equilibrium.

When the others ask her what triggered it, Makoto naturally tells them the lesson of this episode: that she had to acknowledge her feminine side and truly open herself up to being loved--

--Wha...?

Yeah, you're seeing that right. Makoto just learned the wrong lesson.

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted by this outcome. Deep down, as much as she wants to refute it, Makoto needs companionship, people to belong with. It's a core aspect of her character! It makes no sense for her to gain power from solitude.

However... If you think about it, why wouldn't this be her takeaway? She was alone and she made sure to sabotage her relationship with Motoki before it could go anywhere, so this is the only logical explanation, right? Her powers awakened, so the narrative is proving her correct as well.

Except no, the narrative is simply adhering to the consequences of her actions. By coming to the wrong conclusion, Makoto has once again delayed her growth.

For the next 13 (!) episodes, Makoto seems to be okay again. She easily slips back into her role of casual, friendly and supportive friend. But something's changed: Usagi, Ami and Rei have glimpsed Makoto's scars, and they're not content to let her ignore them.

They attempt to challenge her new outlook, but Makoto's resolve is ironclad. Even when she's forced to reveal her secret identity to Motoki, she still reiterates her rejection of him. What's worse, she now she has an extra defence: her duties as a Senshi. Although Motoki still carries a torch for her, he resigns himself to supporting her as best he can.

Still, despite her determination in this matter, Makoto herself has changed as well. There's conflict and pain present whenever she's forced to acknowledge her decisions. And ever since the start of episode 31, she can't help but look sombre whenever something reminds her of her parents. Somehow, despite her best efforts to repair the holes in her walls, some cracks have remained.

All of this comes to a head when Makoto's character arc collides with Minako's.

Diminishing The Self

Ever since the girls found out they were reborn after their past lives ended in disaster, they've been grappling with PGSM's theme more and more. With their past swiftly squeezing the life out of their present, each of them is forced to form an opinion: How much do their past lives affect their present lives? How much should it affect them in the first place? And what do you do?

Here's our spectrum: On one extreme we have Rei, who's become resentful of her past life and rejects it completely. She asserts that she is her own person and that her past life shouldn't dictate who she is and how she acts now. Makoto's stance is adding fuel to that fire. When Minako counters her coup with one of her own, Rei is kicked out and decides to fight on separately.

At the other extreme stands Minako. Diagnosed with a terminal illness that she has almost no hope of curing, she's completely rejected her present life and is devoted to completing the mission from her past life. She won't be around for much longer and she's determined to save the world as much as possible before she dies. She asserts authority over the Senshi for the sake of the mission.

Usagi and Ami fall between these two polar opposites. Usagi is the reincarnation of the Moon Princess and is literally anchored to the past life through her Silver Crystal. She can't deny that her current existence has been heavily shaped by the past. But she's also determined to prevent a repeat of the past, even if it's the hardest thing she's ever done. She works hard at controlling her emotions and is convinced she and Mamoru will succeed.

Ami's current circumstances don't seem to be shaped as much by her past life, so she's the most neutral out of all of them. But as someone who was turned to evil and emerged a changed person, it's hard to deny: Their lives have been affected by the past and it's necessary to acknowledge that. What to do with that information is something she doesn't have the answer to. She fights alongside Minako and Makoto, but stays in touch with Rei.

Makoto has been firmly in the 'this mission is paramount' camp from the start, but not to the extreme that Minako is. You see, Minako almost always chooses to refer to them by their Senshi monikers. Makoto doesn't; she and her three friends always refer to each other by their present life names, even during battle. This is a conscious change that establishes their current identities as distinct from their past selves.

But remember, Makoto came here because she was meant to. She was meant to meet her comrades. She was destined to be alone, so she could listen to nature and let it lead her to her true purpose in life.

So when Minako tells her she's so devoted to the mission that she will cast aside her life to complete it, Makoto can't help but be stirred. Finally, with Minako's help, she realises that the truth is even simpler than she thought: She's always been alone because her current life isn't what truly matters. She exists to carry out her duties, regardless of the personal cost.

This is the final piece of the puzzle for both her and us. Her shift to a tomboy archetype, her character arc and the theme of the show all combine here.

For years, Makoto has been haunted by something: "Why?" Why was she left to suffer all alone? Why was she abandoned over and over?

Then this Senshi business comes along, and with it comes a duty and moniker from a past life. For Usagi, this upheaval of her identity is upsetting. But for Makoto, it's a comfort. Being a Senshi gives her purpose, stability and even friends. For someone who's sorely lacked all of that for years, this development is nothing short of a godsend.

And so, from the very beginning, she took this newfound 'destiny' and ran with it. This was the best thing that had ever happened to her and she crafted her entire outlook around that. Heartbroken and expelled from school? That was just another way to get her to where she needed to be. Her powers awaken while she's dwelling on how she always ends up alone? Obviously that isolation was also intended.

From there, it's a hop, skip and a jump to what she's doing in this scene: discarding her current identity in favour of her past one. She perfectly expresses this by (in the next episode) copying Minako's statement: she might die, but "Jupiter won't disappear". Kino Makoto is a shell to house Sailor Jupiter, and shells are expendable.

This is Makoto at her most extreme. She's always downplayed her own importance and achievements, and now here she is, downplaying her very existence. No individual, only the greater good.

It doesn't even matter that Minako lied to them about her identity, illness and powers. Makoto understands by this point that a secret can be kept for good reasons; she's done it herself. If anything, Minako's deception and her ensuing burdens feed Makoto's view of her as a martyr and a leader.

By choosing to follow that example, Makoto joins Minako on the very extreme of the thematic (past life versus current life) spectrum. In turn, Minako gains the staunchest of allies--but she fails to realise how thoroughly Makoto has just been primed for the pinnacle of martyrdom.

A powerful Youma attacks. When Makoto, Ami and Luna wound it, Metalia possesses it, scaling its power beyond that of the Senshi to overcome. Minako can't transform. Ami and Luna have been knocked out of their Senshi forms and can't fight anymore.

Metalia is about to win. They're going to fail.

Makoto decides to fulfil her purpose. She grabs hold of the Youma and overloads herself with lightning, creating an explosion that annihilates them both.

Minako calls out to the person--not the Senshi--in front of her.

True Courage

Makoto wakes up in a hotel room, wounded but alive, watched over by Minako. The Youma threw her off at the last second, saving both of their lives. Makoto only laments her failure; she doesn't even seem to care that she almost died. In fact, she outright states that she was meant to be alone so that her possible death wouldn't make anyone sad.

Minako has been horrified by this entire ordeal and that feeling only grows with every sentence Makoto utters. When Makoto explains she was fulfilling her past life's mission, it hits Minako like a ton of bricks: this is her doing. By influencing Makoto in this direction, she almost had Makoto's blood on her hands.

She tries to sway Makoto from a repeat attempt, but is taken aback when Makoto unintentionally throws every single one of her own arguments back in her face. When she claims that her own situation is different, Makoto looks her squarely in the eyes and says, "A life's a life. They're all the same."

Minako doesn't deny it. She can't. How could anyone refuse such a simple, factual statement when it comes from someone as forthright as Makoto?

It proves impossible to change Makoto's mind, so she changes tactics. Rather than challenge Makoto's standpoint directly, she questions one of its cornerstones instead. She does so by revealing that Makoto had muttered Motoki's name in her sleep. Perhaps, she posits, Makoto is more tied to the present than she believes herself to be.

This succeeds in shaking Makoto's beliefs. Minako leaves her to her thoughts, victorious in a way, but her own conviction was caught in the crossfire. While Rei's insistence opened the way, she was also easy to dig in her heels against. Makoto, on the other hand, has fundamentally disproven Minako's views by agreeing with her. In that suicide attack, she saw first-hand the logical endpoint of her own ideology. She's more than a little disturbed.

It's the opening Artemis needs, even though he doesn't know it's there. When he subsequently shows her how much joy and comfort her songs bring to others, she finally realises what she's been missing in herself. Her current life does have value, her achievements do matter, and she shouldn't dismiss them so flippantly. She should love herself, love the person she is now.

In the following battle, she awakens her full powers and transforms. The Senshi are finally united for good.

Now that Minako has admitted to herself that she also resents the past life for what it's done to her, Makoto has become the new extreme on the thematic spectrum. However, Minako's revelation is forcing her to reconcile conflicting truths. She awakened because she was alone. But if Motoki's still on her mind like that, if he's still part of her life like that, then she's not alone. If she's not alone, then her reasoning is intrinsically flawed.

When she sees Motoki in a Youma-induced coma, the question of "Why?" returns for the final time. And then she sees him, clearly this time.

In that moment, she realises all of her beliefs were wrong. She didn't reject Motoki, she lost him through self-sabotage. Foiling a possible relationship didn't work; he'd cracked her armour before then. Their connection was gradually built up over the entire show and came cocooned in comfortable friendship, the only type of connection she did allow.

When that connection touched her heart and stirred something more, that was when she unlocked her full potential. He cares about her, the real her, not the skewed facade she puts on. She's not alone anymore. When she told herself that she was alone and always had been, and the wind rustled the leaves, that was nature calling her out on her self-deception.

But why did that self-deception even occur? She didn't need to draw this conclusion from the start, did she? Unfortunately, she did. That's the final, heartbreaking part: Being a Senshi was the ultimate coping mechanism.

There's a reason this shot is repeated multiple times:

Makoto was constantly looking back at the past, looking for answers. Because her abandonment issues went unresolved, that question of "Why?" was burning a hole in her. She was desperate for a reason, any reason, so she could understand. If her hardship and loneliness were predetermined and in service to this all-important duty, then being a Senshi justified her suffering. She craved that more than anything. No wonder she transformed without even questioning it.

And hey, if that duty meant she had to avoid the type of relationship that terrified her most of all, well... That was a happy coincidence, wasn't it?

Fortunately, for all the trouble her uncompromising, black-and-white outlook has brought her, that same determination also allows her to accept this new truth in an instant. She screwed up big-time, but as long as she lives and breathes, she can work to set things right.

She strokes Motoki's hand and runs off to join the fray--not to throw herself at the enemy through all her lifetimes, but to protect those who are dear to her now. After the fight, she looks at the turtle-shaped charm Motoki bought her and smiles, allowing herself to dream of the future for the first time.

Minako passes away the next episode, but she does so with no regrets. Although grief follows, that final unifying moment, jump-started by Makoto, was enough. Ami, Rei and Makoto head off to the finale together, as a true team, never losing sight of what's important to them.

PGSM is exceedingly compelling to me, and the structure of this character arc exemplifies why. Makoto learns the wrong lesson three times: when she first becomes Sailor Jupiter, when she awakens her full power, and when she embraces Minako's ideology to an unhealthy degree.

Not only does PGSM allow her to miss the mark so spectacularly, it also gives her the time to deny and then address her irrational beliefs in a plausible manner. Moreover, because she and Minako drive each other to unlearn their internalised misconceptions, Makoto gives both Minako and the story one of the last pushes they need.

The last we see of Makoto's new and improved self, in relation to romance, is her final encounter with Motoki in the show. She shows him she's attached his cute turtle charm to her wallet, out there for everyone to see. Motoki treats it with cautious optimism, then relief. It's a deliberate signal: Makoto is open to new possibilities now. Maybe they can try again. They laugh a little, sharing their first comfortable moment together in this context.

Sadly, likely due to a few cut episodes, this is the last we see of them. Makoto's character arc is definitely complete, but because the ending shows the Senshi alone before they meet up with Usagi again, her relationship status with Motoki is left ambiguous.

But not to worry! Due to the success of the show's DVD sales during its runtime, both a special prequel and sequel act were produced! The sequel act is a 1-hour movie that shows us where everyone ended up four years later.

In that time, Makoto has undergone a significant transformation. In the show, her dreams for the future were never even mentioned. But here, we find out she's studying floral design, something that she's obviously passionate about. Reaching for happiness indeed.

On the wardrobe side, she still owns unisex clothes (you see this when she charges off to the action portion of the movie), but otherwise her femininity is on full display. A blouse, an embroidered shirt, even a bright yellow skirt, it's all there. Not to mention the stunning dress she wears at Usagi's wedding. And to symbolise how full-circle we've come, she's even wearing earrings!

Her flat has likewise seen major changes. The skateboard and my beloved hats have been moved to make way for what appears to be storage (a fulfilling life can result in extra possessions!) and a picture of something nature-y on the wall. And the room is now filled with plants!

All of these differences stack up. The flat looks...filled, for lack of a better term. It started out rather sparse in her debut episode, but back then she'd just moved in and probably hadn't finished unpacking yet. However, even after she gained more possessions, there were parts that felt like they had just a little bit of empty space to them. Now the entire space is lavishly furnished!

Speaking of which, there's a large stuffed turtle on her sofa, indicating she and Motoki have pursued their relationship and now live together. This is later confirmed when she takes Motoki's car--which she had the keys for--to save Usagi and Mamoru.

At the very end of the epilogue, Motoki clumsily but earnestly asks Makoto for her hand in marriage. And Makoto, overwhelmed and overjoyed, accepts. She's the only version of the character to have achieved this.

It's immensely satisfying seeing a character brought so low, only for them to soar higher than ever before. This Makoto has undergone an immense personal journey. There's no telling what kinds of challenges she might need to overcome in the years to come, but she's already climbed this mountain. Perhaps there's nothing she can't do. And no matter what, she'll always have someone at her side. She'll never be alone again.

I love it. I love all of it. In fact, I'd go so far as to say this is my favourite take on Makoto in the franchise. She's the best, and PGSM is the best for treating her with the nuance and maturity she deserves! Bravo!

---

That's the end of this post! It was meant to be way shorter, but I suppose that was an exercise in futility. If you made it all the way here, thank you very much!

I know I just said PGSM was the best. This is a subjective statement. PGSM is far and away my favourite incarnation of Sailor Moon, but I hold to what I said at the start: Every version is different, and I think that's great. We all enjoy media differently; the more people that can find a version of Sailor Moon befitting their preferences, the better.

It just so happens that PGSM was made for me! And hey, if you've never watched it before, or you dropped it like I first did, maybe it's worth another try. You never know, it might just be your thing too.

Like a certain person once sang:

~Just like predictable movies and books are boring When life is a little bit off, it might be more fun~

#pretty guardian sailor moon #pgsm #kino makoto #makoto kino

3 notes · View notes

moonlightdancer26 · 2 years

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No? I certainly am not going to sob in a pillow for a week because of you. I've never liked how Ginny Weasley treated Fleur Delacour. That's so nasty. And if you think she's cool because of that, maybe you got issues with yourself. And no, I don't see any similarities between Ginny and Lily.. And that's great. No? I didn't make it up when I said Lily was cute. With her green eyes and almond-shaped eyes, I think it's safe to say she's cute. And I certainly believe Sluggy more than I do you.

Real footage of anon after writing this ask:

I certainly am not going to sob in a pillow for a week because of you.

Really? 🥺 See that’s funny because you sent me three whole asks about your clearly unwanted clown-ass opinion, and you call me a dumbass despite you being the one anonymously sending me asks and caring so much about my opinion. Do you… do you not realise how embarrassing you look, anon?

I've never liked how Ginny Weasley treated Fleur Delacour.

Oh? But you seem to must really like how Lily almost smiled at her best friend being sexually assaulted right in front of her?

And if you think she's cool because of that, maybe you got issues with yourself.

1. Maybe Ginny has an actual personality besides that? Maybe we actually see both her good traits and her bad traits? The same can’t be said for Lily.

2. Fleur > you (it’s clear you’ve never read any one of my posts about her)

3. I didn’t even mention Fleur in either post because that’s a whole other topic, I don’t have time to go over it and explain the reasons on both sides and its effect on Ginny’s intended characterisation and how Rowling’s misogynistic views affected a lot of how her characters—particularly female characters—are portrayed/viewed by the rest. Some of us don’t spend our days sending several anonymous asks to someone who we think is a dumbass. 🤔

And no, I don't see any similarities between Ginny and Lily

1. I said “it’s okay IF you see some similarities between the two, I certainly do,” (it’s funny how you never brushed upon both what I said right before and after that). Learn to read omfg.

2. Really?

…then why compare them in the first place? You do realise you came onto my inbox with a comparison you yourself decided to make; an opinion that you know I’m gonna disagree with??

Objection lack of evidence. Let us take a look at the first ask you sent:

Lily Evans > Ginny Weasley = you pitting them against each other.

I honestly do not understand Ginny’s appeal tbh = implies “I honestly do understand Lily’s appeal.”

She’s (Ginny’s) just a little bully = implies “Lily’s more than that.”

AT LEAST Lily was cute and charming = implies you were looking at their similarities and differences—what Lily has that Ginny doesn’t and vice versa.

So don’t fucking try to argue against whatever point you were trying to make in the first place.

.. And that's great.

Poor attempt at trying to regain whatever was left of your dignity but ok.

And honestly, anon??? After all three asks, I still can’t seem to understand what your point is. You claim that Lily is better than Ginny and you either mean “Lily is a better person” or “Lily is a better character” which 1. you still never clarified 2. makes no sense whatsoever.

So:

“Lily was a better person”—No lmfao. As I’ve already stated… and the argument I made that you never responded to and only decided to come at jokes I made with “No?”’s: We haven’t seen enough of her to judge her properly, everything we see—SEE—from her is unpleasant.

“Lily was a better character”—Bro we saw less than 15 scenes with her. 12 of her in person and memory; 14 if you count the two where her wraith appears from Voldemort and Harry’s wands and the Resurrection Stone scene. (Either way, less than 15.) Why are you comparing her to Ginny? You didn’t answer my question in my previous answer (not that I’m surprised), which I’ll do you the courtesy of copying and pasting: What the fuck makes you think you can compare that non-existent twat to the person who the main character of the series ended up with? All you’re doing is just cherry-picking from my responses and not actually acknowledging what I’m saying. How about you actually respond to my points instead of using “No?”’s as some sort of argument. And, about that, why are you so confused?💀💀 You’re the one who started it, no?

And the arguments you try to use for either point are “Lily is cute and charming” which also makes zero sense (I think I’m starting to notice a pattern 🤔).

“Lily was a better person because she was charming”—Like I already fucking said, supposed charm has absolutely nothing to do with your morality. Tom Riddle was canonically charming, does that detract from the fact that he’s Voldemort? You do know a lot of cult leaders and terrorists have that same trait? You do know all of this, anon, don’t you?

“Lily was a better character because she was charming”—This is the only argument that makes a teeny bit of sense, except it literally does not count. We literally never see her charm or her cute moments ever. With Tommy, we actually do see scenes of it. But never with Lily. Hearing about it from a person who holds them dearly doesn’t count as much as it would had we actually seen it happening in front of us.

“Lily was a better person because she was cute (apparently)”—That is just… messed up logic.

“Lily was a better character because she was cute”—That’s just wrong dude.

No? I didn't make it up when I said Lily was cute.

Really? Then pray tell where the cute moments with Lily were? Because I sure missed them.

With her green eyes and almond-shaped eyes, I think it's safe to say she's cute.

You do realise the same thing can be said about Ginny? She had big brown eyes, like her mother’s, so I can use the same argument against you. And besides, why are you even trying to use appearance to try and prove one character is better than the other? What kind of logic is that?

And I certainly believe Sluggy more than I do you.

Cool. You still have zero objective evidence. 🤗

So, I guess this is it. I’ve made this longer than the previous ones because 1. you gave me more clown shit to debunk 2. I really want you to stfu and get back to the circus. [What are you even doing here anyway? Why are you sharing this stuff to me in the first place? I’m genuinely curious, anon]

Anyway, I hope your day is as pleasant as you are!

Bye-bye.

#i repeat #clownery clownery clownery #anti lily evans potter #anti lily potter #anti lily evans #ginny weasley #anon takedown #ask #asks #harry potter #hp

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emerald-star-productions · 10 months

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2023: The Year of Social Media Burnout

Is it just me or has every single alternative to Twitter (including good ol Tumblr here, no shade) led to a severe case of burn out??? Cuz I personally can't take it anymore. In the time since Tumblr was taken over by that narcissistic man child, we've had A FUCK TON of social media alternatives or "twitter clones" pop up or take advantage of every single chance they get cuz Twitter falls apart at least every other week like clockwork.

-Hive (Tried it. Hated it. No Desktop version yet.)

-Spoutible (Giving off echo-chamber vibes. Shitty NSFW/sex worker policies despite being for all marginalized folks.)

-Spill (Whomst?)

-Mastodon (Exists)

-Bluesky (Run by the former twitter CEO. Fuck him as well.)

-Threads (Just launched. 6/10)

-Post (Whomst)

-Substack (An attempt was made)

And plenty more I don't know about yet. I'm sure they'll become relevant at some point. My point is this: Look at how many alternatives have come into prominence in the past 8 months.

This is all in response to Twitter malfunctioning and being run by a dumbass. And everyone's immediate response is "let's move somewhere else" but we often forget that not every site is gonna have that reach you're looking for to promote your shit (if you're a creative like me.) It's not gonna have every function like Twitter & if it does have said functions, that's a whole new system you gotta adapt to. I've tried so many alternatives in the past 8 months out of fear that Twitter may actually shut down. And yet, it's still the one place I often go to. The exception to the rule of course is ya boi Tumblr. And while I appreciate this site, it's taken a bit to adjust.

And me being a creator who just wants folks to see my work but also not be stressed by social media's ever-changing ways, I gotta tell ya folks: I am very much stressed out, burnt out & on the brink of wanting to just...delete everything.

I can't keep spreading myself thin and can't keep depending on new sites, cuz that means I have to build myself from the ground up. And that's not even counting the sites that lack certain functions & can't get their shit together cuz they launched prematurely just to get a leg up on Twitter's bag fumbling.

Not to mention (and I've been saying this shit since December 2022):

TWITTER'S TOOLS & FUNCTIONS ARE GOOD, ACTUALLY. EVERYONE WANTS TO REPLACE TWITTER BUT NO ONE WANTS TO BE TWITTER.

In conclusion: Aside from Tumblr, I think I'll be downsizing on social media presence. I can't nor REFUSE to let myself deal with being spread too thin. It's giving social media obsession and I've had enough. It's not enough to be NEW & BETTER than Twitter. You gotta show us that you understood what worked/didn't work on Twitter and put your own spin on things. Not expecting perfection, I just want better options.

TL;DR There will never be another Twitter, only Twitter Adjacent & that's sad. Cuz Twitter, despite ALL of it's bullshit, has done some actual good & given light to more issues in the last 10 years thx to it's very existence. and it's being fucked over by an old ass transphobic man child in the midst of mid-life crisis.

#rant post #need to vent #social media #twitter is done #twitter alternative #burnout #everyone wants to replace twitter but no one wants to be twitter #Had to get this off my chest #is it just me?

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inoppositionflorien · 10 months

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I know I've been promising to articulate my opinions on anarchism pretty much since I joined Tumblr, but seeing as that's not happening today, I'm instead going to complain about complaining.

In particular the "ha the US is unique in its evilitude and it ought to stop being a thing, remember that time it did xyz" brand of complaint. Notably, this particular brand of weird political stance is almost exclusively seen in Canadian, Western European, and Australian leftists.

It is not particularly commonly held among US leftists. (This is not to say there are none who hold that opinion, there definitely are some, if just by osmosis of opinion, merely that they are far less commonly seen than ones originating from other countries, often ones with very similar colonial legacies.)

As that parenthetical says, every country that tried to be a world power and many that never made it have remarkably similar skeletons in their closet. Further, the individuals in question often make no effort to understand the US political system. This ties back to the myth of the All-powerful executive branch, the President being in charge of everything. They usually buy this wholesale, which, as said in some previous post I made is certainly an appealing idea, but a broadly wrong one. They also make no effort to follow the news beyond the headline, or occasionally the first article.

This often leads to "The US is axiomatically bad and thus any force that opposes it (even nominally) is axiomatically good." It doesn't always go there, but more often than I think anyone should be comfortable with, it does. That way lies support of authoritarians and occasionally actual fascists simply because they oppose the US out of a xenophobic nationalism, or, if they're a LatAm populist, used the specter of past US intervention (which was broadly a disaster, and pointlessly installed many authoritarians who did nothing helpful, for the record) to claim that any problems they're having came from the apparently all-powerful and illusive CIA, and not from poor management choices that necessarily come from incoherent populist policy platforms which are either ill-defined to the point that anything can be claimed as part of the policy, or a mess of contradictory ideas that don't actually work because the smart ones almost invariably rely on the perpetual existence of a macroeconomic money sink in a naturally unstable global economy or a misunderstanding of the problems raw extraction countries face in the international market, and then when they are technically workable, they trip over the really bad unworkable ideas (see what happened to Venezuela's healthcare system when they attempted to run two parallel ones at once to preserve jobs while also trying to fix inefficiencies in the old system. Essentially, it became more inefficient and more expensive to run, which dumped an enormous amount of money into an economy with few actual money sinks because taxes had been cut and the money sink that high oil prices provide to a petrostate disappeared when oil prices crashed. It would have been more effective to either fix the first system or completely restructure it if that seemed too hard)

The point is, I don't actually think it's a coincidence how in many of these cases, it's the authoritarians and populists with no coherent policy platform being praised or at least grudgingly accepted. Notably, those are both strongman positions, and strongmanism is broadly popular, pretty much wherever you go politically speaking. (Interestingly, you can find it even in many branches of anarchism!) It's also often a messianic belief system, a "someone, one person who leads, they will do it right, defeat a great evil, and then everything will be good forever" sort of thing.

The reason the US in particular is targeted, I think, is less because of its particular legacy, (After all, remember, nearly every country that didn't get colonized on heavily and several that did all have similar legacies if you're willing to look, though not necessarily to as great a recent extent simply because they haven't been major powers for a while, or haven't made it there yet) but simply because it's visible. It is THE power in the world. It is not a hegemon, nor has it ever been, but it is very capable in its own right and has been economically dominant for nearly 150 years. Incidentally, this, (and some racism) is why the US right is obsessed with China, a country that's apparently the second largest power. It's visible. In practice, there's actually plenty of evidence China has been struggling with the problems authoritarianism brings, and has been overreporting its economic strength for years, and it will probably be overtaken by India soon economically, but this is irrelevant to their position. China is visible, so China is the target. Much the same, the US is visible, certainly culturally (it has a culture so dominant that many people don't even realize they're in it. This is not a unique issue to the US, most non-minority groups in a given country don't realize they're in a distinct culture. Part of this is the "white as default" thing, but this is also much more broadly true than that particular phrase implies) so the US is the target for people who aren't in it.

It is in fact, closely related to the all-powerful executive I brought up earlier. It is very, very easy and fun to ascribe all or many problems to one position or one country or one people. It is also very easy when you're doing that to start to believe in strongmanism, because whether they know it or not, strongmen (who are almost invariably isolationist nationalists) will win international acclaim for pretending to be an underdog against the biggest power they think they can get away with taking issue with, and for many places, that's the US.

And strongmanism and more general authoritarianism, as I'm sure everyone knows by now, don't actually work very well at achieving their intended ends (not to mention the ends they intend are often bad to start with)

There could be the criticism of this made that the US school systems do not teach of everything bad the US has done, and this is why the US left broadly disagrees in the way brought up in the start... Except oops that's true of pretty much every country's education system. They very rarely go into much detail about all the various terrors their country wreaked until college level, and occasionally not even then. Further, the US left is broadly just as aware about all the past atrocity as international ones. Often more so, in fact, because people tend to know more about their own country than others. There is, in truth, no one target that must be hit to fix everything, whether it be a country as in this particular complaint, or something else, and the pervasive belief in that is a major issue across nearly all political groups that goes largely unaddressed.

This actually leads into another whole long post that I'll probably make some day about how systems of government, economic systems, and baseline happiness interact to create a whole situation where the events of the Great Disappointment of 1844 but for anticapitalism is going to happen in slow motion if capitalism ever stops being the dominant economic system, but I'll save that for another post. And maybe someday I'll actually talk about my feelings on Anarchism.

#the florien gets political #complaining about particular brands of complaint

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