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zombryz · 4 months

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: ̗̀➛ Sparks and Cursed Shadows

˗ˏˋ hello again, dear reader ˎˊ˗ Here is my new series :3

Chapter One

masterlist | Next Chapter 2 | ao3

Pairings: Satoru Gojo x afab!reader x Suguru Geto

A/N: hehehe I am so excited for this one. I've already written 20k words and are planning on posting once a week. I usually write these for myself and will almost always make the reader afab, however, I am always open to requests and can write for any gender. As always, thanks for reading my brain rot :3

Summary: Years had passed since you last saw him—the formidable sorcerer, Satoru Gojo, with his innate six eyes, your old classmate, and first love. When Suguru Geto decided to part ways with Jujutsu High and abandon sorcery altogether, you went with him, both of you unintentionally breaking Satoru's heart. Now, after years and years, your heart aches as Suguru, your now lover, succumbs to the ancient curse of Kenjaku. Suguru—no—Kenjaku threatens to kill Suguru inside of his own mind if you do not confront your once-beloved Satoru Gojo, killing him to bring balance back to the world of curses.

Warnings: (current, may change throughout the story) **Possible Anime/Manga spoilers throughout** PSTD, Death, depression, angst, possessiveness, jealousy, uneven power dynamics (obviously because Gojo is the strongest), eventual lemon/smut, slowburn, right person wrong time, friends to lovers to enemies to lovers again, touch starved, unprotected first time, virgin!reader, virgin!gojo, betrayal, possible pregnancy (undecided but will make it cute, not annoying), fuckboy!gojo, kind of poly!reader (she loves them both at the same time), gore/blood/violence scenes that will be graphic

Word Count: 8.5k

Monday, July 9th 2018

“Do you want to go see Human Earthworm 3?” Mahito annoyingly leans into your shoulder hoping that Suguru won’t see him pestering you. You roll your eyes internally and move your head to the left a little now that Mahito is blocking all the sunlight. He sits in the beach chair next to you after he realizes you’re not going to answer him. “Oh c’mon, Geto has you on such a tight leash it’ll be fun.” He says this in a sing-song voice hoping to get you on-board.

You scoff and try to ignore his childlike teasing and pull your sunglasses down from the top of your head to block your eyes from Mahito in hopes of getting him to leave you alone.

“No one will even see me so it’ll be like you’re seeing the movie alone. No need to be embarrassed.” He adds hoping this would somehow change your mind. Ugh, he was so aggravating. You remember when Suguru introduced you to Mahito, the patch-faced, human-like curse. You initially thought he was cute until he opened his mouth. Nothing has changed since then, he’s just gotten more and more under your skin.

“Enough Mahito,” Suguru interjects and is suddenly standing over the two of you with his arms crossed. His voice made it seem like he was unbothered by the situation entirely but his body language read a little differently. Mahito slumps back into the beach chair with a clear frown plastered across his face. “Y/N, can you come with me please.” He doesn’t look at you when he says this. Instead, he turns on his heel and walks towards the floating door in the middle of the sand. You were in Dagon’s beach domain. It was mostly relaxing and this was where most of you spent your time in hiding these days.

“What is it?” You ask as the two of you approach the door. You avoid his blatant eye contact. Lately, you’ve been having a really hard time looking at the man you love because that's just it; He isn’t the man you love, well, not anymore. One day last year he came back from a “mission” extremely injured with stitches across his head. He said that he was no longer Suguru Geto but instead a man by the name of Kenjaku. At first, you thought that the injury on his head made him lose his memory but soon you realized he had been possessed by a curse that you had no idea how to exorcise. He stopped touching you and acted like he barely knew who you were and became very serious-natured. Suguru was never this cold. He tried to imitate his love for you but you knew better. It was all a facade. After all, he had told you the truth, that man was no longer Suguru Geto. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to mourn him or save him. You chose the latter and never gave up hope that one day you would get him back. You knew he was still in there, somewhere. Until then, you would do whatever he wanted you to do. It was like you were his slave. You would cry yourself to sleep at night almost every night since. Your Suguru was no longer there to hold you close, to tell you how much he loved you, to have you by his side. You were no longer of importance to him.

Only once had you attempted to exorcise him. That was the day you almost died. He was too strong and you got the only evidence you needed that he was still in there, trapped inside his own body. His body betrayed Kenjaku and didn’t allow him to hurt you anymore. Suguru had stopped himself from killing you.

“There is something I need from you.” He shuffles his hands awkwardly. Seeing him come off so confident is weird, although his body language betrays him whenever he speaks to you. In the beginning, it was tough to watch but now, you're just numb to it. God, you wish he’d just get on with it so this conversation could be over. It still hurts and you feel your tears threaten to spill. Now all your relationship was was transactions. You stayed close because you loved him and he took advantage of that. “I need you to kill Satoru Gojo.” Your heart sinks at his request. You had secretly hoped that Kenjaku wouldn’t find out who Satoru was or who he was to you and Suguru but several months ago Kenjaku had devised a plan to trap Satoru. That plan you could live with but this? Satoru’s name still sounded foreign on his pseudo-Suguru’s tongue. Your mind flashes to Satoru’s ocean-blue eyes and his cocky but warm smile. How could he say that about his best friend? Your best friend? He probably had this planned this whole time. You were being naive. It was probably because Satoru posed a serious threat to him. How could you forget that Satoru was the strongest Sorceror? You couldn’t, but instead, you just wished he wasn’t.

“I thought we planned to trap him in the prison realm, that’s what you said!” Your voice betrays you now and you’re not trying to shout but you are. You’re upset and visibly so, why is he saying all of this?

“We’re not certain the prison realm will be enough to hold Satoru Gojo, after all, he is the strongest.” He laughs and you just scoff at his words in disbelief. If Suguru heard himself say this he would be so heartbroken. It had been years since you saw him, the strongest sorcerer, the man who held the innate gift of the six eyes, your old classmate, your first love, Satoru Gojo. Almost ten years to be exact. He would be almost 30 now. So much has changed since then. You wondered if he remembered you and if he thought of you as much as you thought of him.

“I can’t. I won’t-” your voice cracks, “-do that.” The tears from earlier start to spill now. You had hoped that running away with Suguru to follow his dream would mean that you would never have to see Satoru again. You were fine with that but this, you weren’t fine with. Your heart would never allow you to kill Satoru Gojo. You weren’t even sure why Suguru was so confident that you could. Maybe because it wasn’t a request from Suguru…

“Yes, you will. If you have any hope of seeing Suguru Geto again you will.” Your eyes flick up to his forehead where you look at him through wet lashes. You look at the stitches that hold his skull together with haste. He’s still in there and you just wanted him back. “You’re the only one out of all of us that has the best chance of getting close to him. After all, he once loved you. Didn’t he?” Your cheeks burn and your stomach drops at his words. You feel like you’re going to be sick. If you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t know if he once loved you or not. “Even if you don’t kill him, you’re able to get close and weaken him, then we can trap him.”

“Fine.” You wipe the single tear from your cheek and turn to walk away but before you can Kenjaku reaches for your arm and grabs a hold of your wrist tightly making you wince.

“I think you should go with Mahito. It could give you a chance to scope out Satoru’s whereabouts. I hear he has a few students of his own now.” His voice is deep and low making you curious as to why he was whispering. Is this because he doesn’t have faith in the little curses he keeps around him? Are you the only person completely loyal to him? Maybe, you thought. Then your mind wanders to Satoru. You wonder if he’s gotten any taller, his hair any longer, or if he is the same old Satoru. Your lips turn upwards slightly at the thought of his laugh as you leave Suguru and make your way over to Mahito.

“Come on patch-face. We’re going to see your movie.” You throw a towel at him and roll your eyes at the excited face he makes. He reminds you so much of a child and sometimes you don’t know why you can’t stand him.

Later in the day

You arrived at the movie theater and bought one ticket for Human Earthworm 3. Mahito stood next to you eager to get into the theater. There were only a few other people in the theater, a few boys sitting by the front and a lone teenage boy. Good thing you didn’t care about the movie all that much because the boys up front would not shut up. The lone boy sitting at the top left of the theater wore a purple shirt and his dark hair fell over his face. He looked sad but you tried not to think anything of it.

“Should I shut them up?” Mahito leaned over to whisper in your ear. His words were laced with evil and you could hear the smile across his lips. You shiver at his words but try to play it off.

“If you want, I don’t care.” You wave him off with an annoyed sigh. The boy in purple looked up at you and you imagined he thought you were crazy for talking to yourself. Whatever. You had gone through your wallet during the movie and found your old jujutsu high ID card. Yep, just as you thought you were once a grade-one sorcerer. You flip over your ID and run your fingertips over the scratched-up surface. There was a smiley face drawn in Sharpie that was slightly smudged. That’s right, Satoru drew this. You smiled sweetly to yourself at the memory. He was so annoying back then but you adored him and his goofy self. He was somehow always so cocky. He was beautiful though, he was tall and hadn’t completely grown into his height yet. You remember his messy white hair and his angelic blue eyes. You even remember him stealing your ID card and holding it above your head so you couldn’t reach it. He always made it a point to joke with you about being short. He was always so playful with you.

Your mind wanders to something darker as you hold the plastic between your two fingers. Were you really going to have to kill him to bring Suguru back? What if he could help you instead? Did he even still care about you or Suguru enough to do that? This all felt so heavy. Were you even going to be able to kill him if he said no? Kenjaku seemed to think you could. Yes, you were once a very strong sorcerer and if you had to guess you’re probably well past a special grade now but that just means he is too. Even back then Satoru was the strongest, he was a special grade even then. You sigh to yourself. You try to remind yourself that you were the descendant of one of the strongest sorcerers in history. You were part of the Kashimo clan, your great-great-great grandfather was titled the god of lightning. You tried to talk yourself into feeling stronger but it wasn’t helping. The truth is Satoru would kill you in an instant if he wanted to. Maybe because you deserved it and wouldn’t fight back or maybe just because you were weak.

Before you knew it Mahito was bored. He no longer had any interest in the movie and you were snapped out of whatever trance you were just in. He stood up and started walking to the exit but not before completely transmuting all three of the boys who were talking during the entire movie. You roll your eyes and follow him out stuffing your ID card back into your wallet and then into your purse. Such a drama queen.

As you’re walking back to the building where your hideout was you hear someone call out to you. You consider ignoring it but then he yells out, “Hey, you, patch-face with the lady!” Suddenly your eyes widen as you turn around to face the same sad boy from earlier—the one who wore purple and had one side of his face covered by his dark hair.

“Y-you can see him?” You blurt out pointing at Mahito, not even acknowledging that he was going to say something first.

“Yeah, and I also saw what he did to them.” He steps back a little, losing the confidence he just had. He seemed sweet and you knew he wasn’t at all a real threat. Suddenly he seemed sweaty and scared.

“What, were they your friends or something?” Mahito interjects and you allow him to speak to the poor boy. You feel a small drop of water fall on your face and when you look up you notice it's starting to rain. You pull your hood over your head and lean against a wall under an air conditioning unit so you don’t get wet.

“Can I..” he hesitates, “Do that too?” The boy asks while staring down at his feet. There seems to be something troubling him for him to be asking dangerous strangers for help.

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Mahito grins creepily and that was your queue to leave. You didn’t care to listen to him go on and on about curses when he just learned about it not too long ago himself. After all, he was a new curse.

“You two go on without me. Suguru will want to hear about this.” You share one last look at Mahito and the boy before drifting back into the shadows of the alleyway to make your way back to the hideout.

The next day

Mahito tells you that the boy's name is Junpei. He can see and manipulate cursed energy and Mahito has taken it upon himself to personally “train” the boy. You’re slightly annoyed but just happy that Mahito won't be bothering you as much anymore. You tell him to be nice to the boy and that if he hurt him in any way, you’ll kill him. You can’t help it, something about him reminded you of a younger Suguru and it warmed your heart.

Suguru on the other hand didn’t care as much as you thought he would. He was more disappointed to see that you had returned with no news on Satoru’s whereabouts. You promised to go back out today and see what you could find out. You met up with Mahito who happened to be spying on Junpei. Apparently, Junpei had crossed paths with The king of curses, Sukuna’s vessel, Yuji Itadori, a young boy with bright pink hair and a red hood attached to his Jujutsu High uniform. You could feel just how powerful his cursed energy was from a mile back. His aura sent chills down your spine. Everything about Sukuna freaks you out. You’ve only ever heard stories about him as you and Suguru spent a couple of years searching for his twenty fingers. You also remember that your great-great-great grandfather made it his dying wish that one day he would get to fight Sukuna. You guessed that never happened since your grandfather was the one 6 feet under.

“He told him about us,” Mahito says while playing with the ends of his hair and swinging his feet out beneath him. He was sitting on a park tree near where Junpei and Itadori were talking but was careful to be out of sight.

“What do you mean?” You weren’t following what he was saying.

“Junpei told Itadori that he saw us yesterday and described what we looked like. Should we go ahead and kill him to preserve Geto’s plan?”

“No, that would just stir the pot. Maybe this could work in our favor. We got word from Jogo that Sukuna’s vessel was one of Satoru-I mean- Gojo’s students, right?” Now Mahito was the one not following. His face is full of confusion. You flick him in the forehead, “That means that Gojo will come to us stupid. Now we won't have to find him. He isn’t going to send his weaker sorcerers to fight us knowing that we’re multiple special grades.”

“Oh, right!” Mahito smiles and turns to face Junpei once more. “I also fought a blonde sorcerer yesterday! Even more the reason to come.” Mahito sings as he continues to swing his feet humming a tune.

Your heart drops. A blonde sorcerer? Could it be?

“Mahito… this blonde sorcerer…” you start but your voice gets stuck in your throat. “Did you kill him?” Your throat suddenly felt like pins and needles.

“The businessman? No, it was a pretty even match actually and we had to draw.”

Nanamin.. Of course, it was him. You anxiously ran your fingers through your hair. Thank god, he’s still alive. You tried to keep tabs on most of your other old classmates, except Satoru. You thought Nanami quit being a sorcerer but maybe your intel was wrong.

“Please don’t hurt him.” You turn toward Mahito practically begging.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that Y/N! Wow, you are a softy arentcha? Well, either way, I do what I want.” Mahito gets close to your face and smiles. You had about enough of him and were this close to exorcising him right then and there when you noticed Itadori and Junpei leaving. Killing Kenjaku’s favorite curse would have to wait. The two of you continued to follow Itadori and Junpei.

Later that day

You had devised a plan. You overheard Kenjaku and Mahito talking, they were going to use Junpei to create a diversion to see how much control Itadori had over Sukuna, or best case scenario, they were planning on getting control over Sukuna’s vessel themselves.

The whole plan made you sick. Poor Junpei. You knew what you had to do. You had to be there in the shadows to protect Junpei and to leave with Satoru, however you needed to. This was your only hope of saving Suguru.

When you weren’t sleeping in Dagon’s domain, you were in a room over at the motel you were all staying at. You used to share this room with Suguru and you just couldn’t be alone in there anymore, it was too much. You began packing a few of your things when you heard someone knock on your door softly.

“Come in.” You call out to them.

The door opens and when you look up you see Mimiko, her long brunette hair laying at her shoulders and her body language makes it seem like she has been tiptoeing around Kenjaku herself. You can’t believe how much she has grown since you and Suguru found her and her twin sister years ago. For a long time, you all felt like a family. You and Suguru even used to make sweet jokes about how Mimiko and Nanako were your daughters. You once asked Suguru if he thought if you had children together ironically you would also have twin daughters. He chuckled but you knew deep down he never wanted to bring more kids into the world. Sometimes you wish your relationship with him could’ve been different. You would’ve really loved just being about to go on dates and worry about paying rent with your normal careers. Maybe you both would’ve worked at Nanami’s office and made Fridays your movie nights and Tuesdays would be when you invited Shoko, Nanami, and Haibara over for Dinner. Satoru would come sometimes when he wasn’t busy with his new girl of the week. Sadly though, that was all just a dream; but maybe in another life, it wasn’t just a dream.

“It’s just me.” You say and turn to continue packing with a straight face.

“Oh, okay,” she immediately relaxes. “Where are you going?”

You completely ignored her question, you didn’t want her to start getting worked up. “Where is Nanako, I want to say goodbye to the both of you.”

“You’re leaving us? No! You can’t, please don’t leave us here with him.” Her voice cracks and it breaks your heart. They both have been through so much.

You rush over to her to quickly stop her from crying. You lower your voice so that it is above a whisper while you gently rub her shoulder, “It’s okay, it’s not for good. I’m doing this for us Mimiko, I am going to get help so that we can get Suguru back.”

“Really?” She questions while sniffling.

“Yes, but I need to hurry before he notices. Can you cover for me?”

“Well, Nanako is with him…”

“Where?” You say with slight irritation in your voice.

“Upstairs.”

You give her a big hug before making your way up the dirty motel staircase. Luckily, you see Nanako’s blonde hair coming around the corner and she is alone. You run up to her and give her a big hug as well.

“I love you. Tell Mimiko I love her too. She’ll explain everything.” You don’t even give her a chance to ask any questions before taking off down the other side of the outside hallway. You try to be stealthy and quiet but you’re not quiet enough. Suddenly an arm reaches out to you, jolting you to a stop. It was him. His grip made you wince once more.

“And where are you going, Y/N?” He asks with a borderline sinister smile. You shudder as you go to look at him trying your hardest to pretend like everything is fine.

“I’m going on your secret mission, remember? I just said goodbye to our daughters.” You hiss up at him. This time you look directly into his eyes so that he feels your anger.

He didn’t seem to like this, he reached out and grabbed your throat to pull you closer to him. Your teeth clench together and cry out in pain. He’s not quite choking you but he’s holding you hard enough to leave bruises behind.

“Good luck then.” He mutters in your ear. When he pulls away he places a small chaste kiss on your lips making your heart flutter a little. The entire interaction was giving you whiplash. You figured this was his way of saying ‘Don’t betray me or I’ll kill you’. He lets go of your throat and you cough trying to catch your breath.

You look at him with hate in your eyes one last time before turning and running down the motel stairs. You had one more stop to make for your grand plan to work. Mahito.

The next day

You wake up the next day in a room unfamiliar to you. The night before you had left your motel and went to a hotel that was closer to Jujutsu High. You showered and put on a little bit of makeup. As you were getting dressed in your family's traditional attire you couldn’t help but feel nervous. Today you were going to see Satoru. What if he didn’t want to see you? Who were you kidding of course he didn’t. You would be lucky if he paid you any mind at all. But what if you had to fight him? Your heart was beating out of your chest as you put on your all-white haori. As you wrapped bandages around your fists and lower arms you breathed out deeply preparing for the worst. You pulled your hair back into two buns and grabbed your quarterstaff before leaving for the school. It had been a long time since you’d had to fight anyone let alone dress in your traditional attire.

You arrive at the school that you heard Mahito mention to Kenjaku the day before. It was the school where Junpei attended. You decided to keep your distance from the fight because you couldn’t give up your position or your plan. When you walk toward the back of the school you see the veil had already been lowered. This was Mahito’s viel which means Kenjaku wasn’t here. He most likely didn’t want to run into Satoru to raise any red flags about your arrival. When you entered the viel you hoped that Mahito had noticed your energy like you planned. You walked through the school and up the stairs. It was dead, where was everyone? There was glass all over the floors from the windows. They must’ve already started fighting.

You turn the corner to where you thought you heard fighting and that's when you see him. Junpei. No, no, no, you were supposed to protect him. You were too late. Mahito had already gotten his hands on him and turned him into a transmuted beast. You clench your eyes shut as you walk past his body. Your heart sinks and your face twists in anger. Maybe the next part of your plan would be real then. Mahito of course will think you’re putting on a show for the sorcerors like you had planned.

When you walk over to the windowsill you see them. Sukuna’s vessel, Itadori and Nanami were fighting Mahito. Quite frankly, Mahito was getting his ass whooped. You wanted to see how this would play out but that's when you realized one of the most important parts of your plan. Satoru isn’t here. Where was he? Why did they only send Nanami?

You take a deep breath. Okay, you had two choices. Bail or improvise. You chose the latter.

With a war cry and your charged cursed energy, you jump from the window and land behind Itadori and Nanami. You tap into your rage and your hair starts emitting cursed lightning that bounces from each of your buns. Your eyes began glowing yellow and you lightly tap your quarterstaff on the ground causing the school courtyard to shake.

“MAHITO!” You scream at the top of your lungs, haste dripping from your tongue. Just as planned, Mahito would change direction and start fighting you.

Both Itadori and Nanami look your way. Itadori is extremely confused about whether or not you’re also an enemy and when he starts to make his way toward you Nanami reaches his arm out to stop him. He looks back at Nanami and he simply shakes his head signaling him to trust him.

Mahito then takes the opportunity to shape himself into a giant spiked beast and attempts to slice you where you stand. You jump over his additional spiked body parts and use one of his arms as leverage to jump across to the other side of the courtyard. He tries to hit you again and you redirect his hand using taijutsu and infuse your quarterstaff with cursed lightning and hit him directly in the chest. The impact makes him fly across the courtyard and he starts shaking from the electrical energy in the blast. Damn, you need to dial it back a bit if you want this to be believable. You turn toward Nanami and Itadori. Your eyes meet Nanami’s and your heart flutters in your chest, you haven’t seen him since his hair was long. He was so tall and cute and now he is a big, strong man. His blue dress shirt is snug across his chest and you’re just completely surprised by how much he's grown. His cheeks were much more defined and he was aging like wine. He still wore his signature frown.

Perfect moment to be distracted. Mahito takes the opportunity you give him and turns his arms into little spikes. He pierces the back of your thigh causing you to scream out in pain. What was he doing? This wasn’t the plan. You cry out as you feel two more spikes go through your gut. When he pulls them out you look down to see your all-white haori covered in blood, your blood. Well so much for dialing it back, you trusted Mahito enough to not kill you but maybe that was his plan all along. This fake fight was a ploy for him to kill you.

“Y/N!” Nanami yells out as he runs over to catch you before you fall.

“N-na-namin” you respond breathlessly as you fall to your knees. There was blood pouring from your mouth. Nanami catches you and you hold your stomach as you shake in his arms. Did Kenjaku know your plan all along? Why would Mahito kill you? You felt yourself slipping out of consciousness and all you could think about was the fact that you wouldn’t get to see Satoru after all. Maybe this was for the best. If you can’t be with Suguru you don’t care whether you lived or died.

As your eyes start to close you can feel Nanami squeeze you tighter as he hugs you against his chest. You hear Itadori yell out that Mahito is getting away and Nanami tells him to let him go, and that it wasn’t worth it. Then you hear Itadori ask if Nanami knew who you were to which he replied, “Yes, I know her well.”

---

Two days later

You wake up to the smell of cigarettes and hear muffled talking in the background. When you sit up frantically in shock you see that you are handcuffed to the bed. You begin to panic, your charged cursed energy threatening to spill out until you realize that you recognize where you are. You’re in the medical office at Jujutsu High. You’ve been here for many injuries, most of which were self-inflicted from your training with Satoru. Damn, his stupid infinity, your attacks would almost always bounce back causing you to get hurt. When you look down you see your thigh wrapped in bandages as well as your lower abdomen.

“That special grade curse got you pretty good.” You scoff at the statement that Mahito was a special grade curse. Screw him. But wait, you know that voice, that sweet voice coated with years of cigarettes and liquor.

“Shoko?” You yell out whipping your head back and forth to search for her.

“Hey squirt, it’s me don’t get all frizzy on me now.” She wheels her chair over to your bed and stands to take your temperature while simultaneously rubbing your head trying to stir up your electrical cursed energy. That’s right, she always called you that because you were a little younger and a little shorter than her. She also loved annoying you by making your hair frizzy. You didn’t even care that she was making your hair a mess, a huge smile was plastered across your face. She looks much older, you bet it's from her bad smoking and drinking habits. She’s still beautiful though, just has dark circles under her eyes and her hair is much much longer. She’s still the same Shoko. God how you missed her.

“Why am I chained to the bed?” You ask but you already know the answer to that question.

“You know why squirt…” Her face drops and she wheels away from your bed now.

“Well, what happens now? Am I to be executed now that I am in the school's possession again?” You ask with a small laugh but deep down you have a genuine concern that that might be the case, this was one of the reasons you never came back after deserting the school with Suguru.

“You know there are very strong people here that would never allow that to happen.”

Was she talking about Satoru? She had to be. Unless someone else from your class sprouted up and became strong enough to overpower those in charge. You decide to assume she’s talking about Satoru.

“I’m not so sure about that. Last time I saw him he seemed perfectly okay with the idea of me dying.” Your voice gets quiet as you say this, it’s as if the wound is still fresh. You don’t allow her to say anything to that, “Anyways, where is he?”

“He got back yesterday, as soon as he heard you were here.” Suddenly there are butterflies in your stomach. You thought you were going to die at Mahito’s hand but it seems he missed all of your vitals. So you get to see Satoru after all. Why were you suddenly so nervous?

Without warning, the big metal door to the facility opens and you see Shoko stand to greet whoever it is. Part of you hoped it was Satoru and the other part of you was scared shitless.

“Y/N.” A stern male’s voice states your name causing you to jump a little.

Your eyes start watering, “Nanamin?” You turn your head to see him walking over to you.

“You know I hate when you call me that.” Nanami gets closer to your bed and unlocks your handcuffs freeing you. You giggle at his defensiveness, it’s good to see he hasn’t gotten any more expressive with his emotions. You jump into his arms and hug him. He is reluctant to return your hug but he ultimately does. You’ve missed him so so much.

“Why are you freeing me?” You step back and rub your wrists looking down to see they’re starting to bruise. When you reach up you feel a bandage around your neck too. You look at Shoko confused until you remember the moment you had with Kenjaku before you left. You rub the bandage gently reminding you of why you’re here. He had hurt you. You want Suguru back.

“We have some questions.” He reaches around your back and puts new handcuffs around your wrists. He is gentle with his movements though so that he doesn’t hurt you. You sigh, just when you thought you were free. You understood why though, it was going to take a lot of work for anyone here to trust you again. Nanami walks you down the hall to Principal Gakugangi’s office. Memories of this hallway flood your brain. You remember the time you, Satoru, and Suguru raced down this hallway. Of course, Satoru won because he had the longest legs.

You’re brought to a room next to the principal’s office that has a chair seated at the front of the room directly under multiple TV screens. Across from that, there were a bunch of seats that were set up auditorium style. All of your old teachers and classmates were already seated, all except Satoru. You started to explain to ex-principal Yaga and principal Gakuganji why you were there. It was as if you were reading from a script. It was the story you fabricated to get here, although most of it was true. You told Shoko, Nanami, Utahime, Mei-Mei, Gakuganji and Yaga. You wished Satoru was here to listen but you figured there was a reason he wasn’t. You went on about how after you left Jujutsu High years and years ago with Suguru he was possessed by Kenjaku and forced you to work for him. You lied and told them how you heard that Mahito could transmute souls and that you went looking for him to help touch Suguru’s soul to kill Kenjaku inside of him. Everything in your story came together so perfectly, you mentioned how you were fighting Mahito at the school because he had betrayed you and told Suguru your plan and was ultimately trying to kill you. This explained why Itadori told them Junpei saw you at the movies with Mahito and why you were trying to kill him afterward.

Finally, Utahime spoke up and asked, “Why did you never come back to us, Y/N?” She sounded so dejected as she said this. You were starting to regret coming back at all, it was already stirring up way too many old emotions that you thought you tucked away years ago.

This question hit harder than you expected it to. Your chest started to feel tight. You held your wrists together to wipe your face of the tears that were now spilling out on their own. Bending forward you rest your head in your arms before continuing, “I wanted to come back, trust me I did!” You pause and look at all your old friends sitting on the edge of their seats listening to you with such care in their eyes. “I was scared because of the death penalty and also I wanted to protect you guys the best I could from Suguru, h-he was not himself.” You sniffle and stare down at your bound hands, you internally debate saying this last part but they deserve to know, “a-and, I loved him.” You hesitantly correct yourself, “I do love him.” You’re suddenly brought back to the first few years together with Suguru after you both had abandoned Jujutsu High. You were severely depressed and would cry almost every night to Suguru about how you missed everyone at Jujutsu High and how you wanted to go back. He would comfort you but couldn’t understand your reasoning. He didn’t ask you to follow him and he never really understood why you did. He did, however, reassure you of his love whenever you need it. You don’t think he ever felt sad about his past which allowed him to pour himself into both you and his purpose.

You watch as everyone’s eyes quickly dart toward the door behind you. When you look over your shoulder with puffy eyes you see what they were looking at. You finally see him. The strongest sorcerer, the man who held the innate gift of the six eyes, your old classmate, your first love, Satoru Gojo. He is, where do you even begin? If your heart wasn’t hurting so bad you could probably talk about how he was taller than the door frame for hours. His hair was slightly longer than you remember and still as white as snow. It sat perfectly on top of his head with a black blindfold that covered his beautiful blue eyes that had been burned into your memory for years. He upgraded from the little black sunglasses you used to steal from him. His lips looked as soft as you remember and when you look down you see his arms crossed over his chest. His arms look so much bigger now that he has grown into his lanky self. He looks strong and his hands are huge. You can’t even focus, the room was spinning and your heart was beating out of your chest. How embarrassing. No one said a thing. You hated that you couldn’t see his eyes. You knew him though, more than probably anyone else in the room. Your presence made him uneasy and nervous just as much as yours did his. He continued to stare at you through his blindfold. Everyone fell into an unbearable silence. It felt like you were swallowing nails every time you took a breath. You wanted him to scream or yell at you, you wanted him to do something other than what he was doing. Your eyes were begging him to take you away from all the eyes in the room so that you could talk one-on-one, but he wouldn’t do that. Not anymore. You wanted to know if he still cared at all if he even missed you.

“I thought I told you not to get distracted in a fight,” Satoru speaks in a calm voice but his posture stiffens against the door as he speaks.

You open your mouth to reply but instead, Principal Yaga interjects and stands before you causing you to turn your attention to him. You just wanted to be anywhere but here. You were now very unsure about whether or not Satoru would allow the higher-ups to kill you or not. Suddenly you feel very small and weak.

“The Kyoto sister school exchange event is about to begin,” he gruffs in annoyance and points to the TVs above your head. “We’re done for today. Gojo, she is your responsibility, put her in the talisman room until we figure out what to do with her.”

Your head shifts from Principal Yaga to Satoru, suddenly very nervous. The talisman room is where sorcerers bring special-grade human-like curses, “evil” sorcerers, or anyone who poses a threat to the sorcerer world. It was like a holding cell that drained all your cursed energy. It was where the school put those who were on death row. You freeze in your chair when you see Nanami coming over to drag you out of the room.

“N-Nanamin, please, no,” you beg, catching a sob in your throat.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” His eyes seem sincere but you knew he had no choice. He walks you over to Satoru who takes the chains on your wrist without saying a word. He is neither gentle nor harsh in the way he leads you down the hall. A tense silence falls around you. This is the closest you’ve been to him in years and you just want things to go back to the way they were. You’re too scared to look at him so you stare at the ground rethinking this whole thing. Should you try to fight Satoru here and now? No, he’s too strong and the others would be behind him. Should you make a break for it and run back to Suguru? No. You stop abruptly causing Satoru’s infinity to hit you causing you to lose your balance. He had his infinity up around you? This was ultimately a test to see if he still trusts you, even a little, but the answer was no. Your heart breaks, things are never going to be the same. Now that you are out of the sight of the others you turn to Satoru as much as your position allows, your last hope was talking to him.

“Satoru,” You hum his name, it coming out much sweeter than you meant for it to. “Please, l-listen to me.” You look up at him and try to ignore how he towers over you. He tilts his head down at you. You’re still unable to see his eyes so you just assume he’s looking at you. “I-I know you don’t trust me anymore…” Your voice wavers as you say this. “But, you’re in danger. Please list-”

“’m the strongest.” His voice is gruff and cold as he cuts you off. It’s his way of saying ‘Shut up, no I’m not’.

You start pulling your arms away from him to get him to understand how serious this is. He eventually gives way and you’re now facing him with your hands behind your back. He cockily puts his hands in his pocket allowing you to continue talking. He is straight-faced and almost looks bored. Oh, how you wished you could see his signature Satoru Gojo smile.

“Suguru has been possessed by a very strong cursed spirit who has lived many lifetimes. He is planning on sealing you away!” Your voice strains as you try to plead with him.

“Suguru is dead,�� His voice is still just as monotone as before. “I should know, I’m the one who killed him.”

First, your heart drops. Then your eyes widen and your muscles tense up. “What?” You grumble through gritted teeth as you slowly blink up at him as your mind tries to wrap around what he just said. The electric cursed energy you possess begins to flow through you in anger. You can feel the static electricity start to form between the two buns in your hair, like a radio frequency. Your hair begins to float from the friction. Suddenly your arms are free from their shackles. You must’ve tensed up so much that your strength snapped them off.

“That was you?” You say with furrowed brows as your feet naturally start to take a fighting pose. You remember when Kenjaku came back in Suguru’s place that day and explained that he found his body ‘without a host’, aka dead. You didn’t believe it, you never did. Who could’ve possibly killed him? Whoever it was had to be strong, you never guessed it would be Satoru. He was his best friend. And Suguru was still in there. He had to be.

“You know I had to do it. Don’t start this Y/N, you know I’d win.” His hands were still in his pockets and now he was just getting on your nerves. You hated that the first time you heard him say your name again was under these circumstances.

“You’re just going to have to kill me too,” Your tears stop and you reach your arm out to summon your quarterstaff using your cursed wavelength, after a moment it shatters a window and is in your grip, “Gojo.” You twirl your staff around your head and tap it on the ground making the rest of the windows in the hall shatter. You revert to his last name and for a split second, you think you see him release a pained breath but you no longer care. There was no going back for either of you. You were now enemies.

You run at him at full speed while building up your cursed energy in your staff. You had no idea how you were going to get him to turn off his infinity but you were okay with it ending here. There was something so beautiful about dying at Satoru’s hand. As soon as you’re close enough, you jump above him and hit right where his head would be. You can see your attack absorbed by his infinity. However, the floor and the wall behind him weren’t as lucky. They both take a huge hit and crumble away. Why wasn’t he fighting back? Why wasn’t he killing you?

Attack after attack after attack, he just allows you to come at him. You’re extremely angry and you feel like you’re going to explode. You throw your quarterstaff at the wall frustrated and instead walk up to him preparing to try hand-to-hand combat. Your lips are trembling now, you’re a sobbing mess. He finally pulls his hands out of his pockets as you incessantly pound on his infinity until you feel it slowly dwindle. Then your arms make contact with his chest. Tears run down your cheeks as your arms feel his heartbeat where they are resting against him It even annoyed you that his heartbeat came out slower and calmer than yours. Who were you kidding, you didn’t pose a threat to him at all. You may be a special-grade sorcerer but your weakness was him, and maybe you were his too. You fall into him completely exhausted from over-exerting yourself. He allows your forehead to rest on his heart completely swallowed by sadness. You finally gave in and cried your heart out into his chest. He then slowly reaches up to grab your arms, his touch is hesitant but still gentle. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to touch you but does so anyway. He ever so slightly rubs his thumb across your wrist making you raise your head to look at him. Your eyes were wet, your lips were red, and your hair messily fell around your face. You still couldn’t see his eyes, those beautiful eyes, and that stupid blindfold.

“He’s not dead. He can’t be.” You plead again, not even sure what you’re expecting from him anymore. “I-I love him, Satoru.” You can’t believe you’re sitting here telling him this, crying into his chest like you once did what felt like lifetimes ago now, “I know you once loved him too, he was your best friend. Please, plea-”

He brings his hand up to your cheek and caresses it softly before bringing his two forefingers up to your forehead and gently draining you of all your energy, ultimately putting you to sleep. Your eyes roll back in your head and you fall limp into his arms. Satoru leans down to pick you up bridal style before walking over to your quarterstaff and picking it up in one swift motion. You were so light in his arms. Your head lulls on his chest as he carries you to the talisman room. Your hair was completely out of place and your lips were slightly parted as if this was the most comfortable sleep you had gotten in a while. He can't help but stare at you through his blindfold as his chest tightens with emotion. You were the same girl he fell in love with years ago, you just matured and there was a certain confidence in the way you carried yourself that you didn’t do before. Your hair was much longer and your cheeks had thinned out a bit with age. It was so strange seeing you again, now his heart was starting to beat fast. He honestly never thought he’d see you again. When he ran into Suguru last year he was sure you would be with him, fighting alongside him… but you weren't. He had hoped that meant you ran away from it all and maybe even married a nice ordinary man, someone you wanted to marry, settled down, had a family like you always talked about, and abandoned sorcery altogether. But here you were not only before his very eyes but in his arms again, still tied up with his best friend and still tied up with jujutsu sorcery. He wondered what you had been through all this time away from him. He had tried to move on, he did. He’s been on plenty of dates with other women and he even tried pursuing both Utahime and Shoko, they were the closest thing he could get and it wasn’t close at all. Shoko knew he was trying to fill your void and she respected herself too much to give in to his motives. Utahime on the other hand liked him back and for a while, they tried dating but in the end, they just weren’t compatible. None of them were you, you hurt way too much. How was it fair that in the end, you chose Suguru? Did you not love him too? Did you just love him more? Why didn’t you stay?

Satoru was suddenly very thankful that you were asleep and that he had a blindfold on, his tears escaped anyway.

He walked past his room with you in his arms. Part of him wanted to lay you on his bed in hopes that you would wake up and this would all just be a bad dream. You would be back in 2006 laying in his bed again but instead of thinking with his heart, he went with his head. He brought you to the talisman room, sat you in the chair in the center of the room, and left to return to watch the Kyoto Sister School Exchange event.

#bryannawrites #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #geto x reader #suguru x reader #satoru x reader x suguru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu geto

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exoticalmonde · 15 days

Text

Arknights Chapter XIII - The Whirlpool That Is Passion (Part IV)

Wow, relishing the Logos art while also staying tuned to what happens in the chapters for REAL this time? Well, all I can say before we continue is a reminder:

WARNING: This post is going to contain a lot of yapping from me about Hoederer and how much I love him and will also have a LOT of spoilers.

This kind of reminds me of 'The Lion's Song' because there was a person there, I think, who wanted to commemorate all the soldiers' lives in paintings I think. Those who passed away in the war he'd send to their families. But I don't remember how that ended honestly...

---

Sometimes I forget their dynamic and because I don't usually use W and don't pay attention to her that much (considering she is Pinkie's crazy wife to deal with), she ends up saying something so out of the left field I get vertigo.

"GOOD NEWS THOUGH-" **Insert explosion**

W: [Hard to say. There's an old hag kind of keeping me at arm's length from their beloved 'Doctor'.]

Yes, and boy do I feel safe with her.

I will learn to use the word lollapalooza unironically.

HAVE ANY OF YOU HEARD OF A WAY TO KILL A LITCH?

YEAH? IS IT BECOMING PROBLEMATIC NOW?

This is terrible to say and at the meantime gosh has it been since chapter 9 that we have been crying and suffering from litches.

13-2 Before: The Injury At Hand

...

Oh... Oh god what is that?

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In the following story, we're in the POV of Guard who we know from a couple chapters before, but I forgot about him as a whole. Which I am sorry for, because he's turning out pretty cool. He took part in saving the Doctor from Ursus initially, but after staying behind and being a little affected by the situation and the worsening of the situation leads to the death of Ace and Scout.

Now we are reminded that he's part of Nine's gang - Reunion, or what was left of it, being picked up again after Talula... Who didn't even stay at Rhodes for long enough, she got kidnapped again and is basically being used as some type of glue for the group even though she is falling apart herself, not willing to off herself but not wanting to continue the same path she was forced to take.

We met him in chapter 7 again before Lungmen and Chernobog were about to crash.

I've also forgotten what is reunion doing here out of all places. They are putting themselves between a rock and a hard place while also saving lives... Since, apparently, Victorians are very openly against the infected and the presence of Litches, Sarkaz and originium in general is going to lead to many, many infected.

---

Not to mention having to leave their homes. I know I will lose my soul if I actually have to abandon my house for any reason. They just get what they can use, not just something they find precious that should be carried, and they have to leave. Marauders could be in any corner, you can't really take valuables, so you just have your life, some clothes, perhaps enough food until you HOPE you find somebody who can help.

---

I love the hair gel detail, why is everybody talking about this now? What does it matter if your hair looks good or not, you are half-dead 63% of the time! We all have depression and look after each other only because it's easier than to allow yourself to affect the mentality of someone else by being allowed to slack off.

---

Oh no, he has a headache. You have been assigned the Ebenholz disease.

---

Also, imagine having rock cancer and suddenly the place where you work is like 'No, you don't actually get insurance for *checks list* dying, so it would be best if you get fired and maybe go home to see your kids for like 2 days before perishing because we have NOTHING to help with.'

That's the type of health-ism we are talking about.

---

Unfortunately, Guard decided that just searching for medicine, meddling in politics, meeting people, going on operations, saving people, treating people for free most of the time, hiring operators and ALL WE ARE TRYING TO DO. Is not enough. Infected need the aggression, to put themselves out there and...

We see how different the Sarkaz and general Infected are, and both sides take different approaches with the same outcome. It's tragic and useless, and it creates even more problems that are hard to mend in the hearts of people who are afraid.

#arknights #doctor of ri shenanigans #doctor of ri #doctor arknights #arknights chapter 13 #arknights chapter update #arknights hoederer #arknights vendela #arknights verdant #arknights pulls #arknightc gacha #arknights ines #arknights w #arknights babbling #the whirlpool that is passion #eve is insane again #also a winner #arknights guard #arknights story

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14muffinz · 21 days

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Asking some writers/artists I follow:

Is there anything in your fic/comic that you as the author know about, but won't end up in the actual story?

oh for sure

i'll start with the TMNT stuff first because of your PFP, but we gonna be here a while.

[lab rats stuff at the bottom]

warning: fic spoilers galore

In WIBE, one of the characters we meet is Yuichi Usagi, who works at the human ROTM. He also works in the original ROTM. He was robbed while on a trip to the Hidden City, and is originally from a different city entirely. Hueso is doing his best to help him out, but it'll likely be a long time before Yuichi gets to go home.

Some other WIBE background characters in WIBE include: MM!Kendra, MM!Robyn O'Neil, MM!Irma, & MM!Casey Jones. I don't have a lot to say abt Kendra and Irma, since it's been a long time since I wrote any of it down, but I can give it my best shot with Robyn and Casey.

Robyn has been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety disorder for a few years pre-fic. She's in her first year of college which is out-of-state, and does her best to check up on her family via phone call at least every other week. She's also sort of invested in all of April's new drama, but she won't admit it.

Casey's been playing hockey for as long as he can remember, and intends to keep at it for as long as he's physically able. He's also got a knack for engineering, and I'd gamble that sometime not long after the ending of WIBE, he'd start up the Casey Jones vigilante batshittery. His parents are divorced, but he spends most of his time with his Jewish mother, and while he's never been actually taught much about his religion he accepts it as a part of his identity, and if people don't like that then they shouldn't be around him in the first place. He finds the existence of the turtles to be one of the coolest things ever, but after actually getting to know Raph and the others, it doesn't impress him as much as it used to. (If I had time, I'd add in a tiny crush on Raph, but I'm an aro with WAY too many ideas for this tiny fic)

Then there's experienced fighters, where the main thing is me ALWAYS knowing what song is playing in the background. I really love how much music is in MM, and I love being able to say hey! here's the musical vibes of the environment!

sort of on that topic, i've got a hc that any song with even small references to space are songs that rise, 2k12, and MM leo are more likely to enjoy. they don't realize these patterns, but they sure are there.

and to end off the music rant, one of these days i'm gonna make a playlist of songs that I think the rise crew all collectively agree are good enough (this is what space feels like, goodie bag, punk tactics, etc. etc.)

there's also two in one, which is based off an au by @blackfire-fanfiction. I have to be real cautious abt what I put in there, because a lot of people are looking at it instead of the extended context of the real thing, not to mention how many Thoughts that aren't really canon I have about it. For instance: today I had a good 30 minute daydreaming session abt the concept of rise!Donnie reading leonardo's notebook while he's comatose post-rise movie and finding out about the switching

in dimension desync, I poke a bit at my head canons about peni parker's movie universe and her mental health at home, and have expanded on this even further in an abandoned draft. this is going to be LONG, so here we go: Gwen Stacy and Richard Parker were around in Peni's universe before she herself was, each piloting a mech of their own [Ven#m and Sp//DR]. A few months after Peni's mother is pregnant with her, Richard dies in action, and a few months later, Ven#m sort of devours Gwen (go read the comics because it's really fucked up but idk how to describe it) So then the role of SP//DR is forcefully thrust upon Peni at the age of eleven, and her connection with SP//DR isn't exactly... perfect.

in my team blue universe, I'm fleshing the hell out of Sam-13 and Shadowcat (both from earth 65). Sam was created by corrupt parts of SHIELD (that have yet to have been identified as corrupt) but now is just a regular agent. Cap returned to their dimension when he was 14 and has been in charge of training him ever since. Cap is stubborn to a fault and is def being manipulated by the corrupt agents, but none of the kids have gotten close to that bigger picture yet. Meanwhile, Kitty was inducted into the weapon x program (or 65's equivalent of it, I don't remember much of the wolverine origin story) at the age of 8, and despite odds survived. Wolverine took her in, and she's been helping him bounty hunt since about 13, even though he's trying to stop her.

team blue is also starting to extend to universes that the spider-verse movies don't really deal with through plants that have yet to be explained. but miguel's spite at e-199999 has definitely transferred, which means that, if they were ever to interact, not many of the main team would like the mcu-vengers

in my very obscure mech-x4 series, Olivia (who is only referenced by name once in the show) is veracity's little sister, who is 7 years old. This series is more of a set of vaguely connected oneshots, but still.

i could go ON AND ON about Oliver in all of my mighty med/lab rats fics, but in short: arcturion made his hair start growing in blonde, which he hates. Horace is his adopted dad and so it sucks ass when he dies. Oliver also comes with built in hypothermia! This is also definitely a headcanon, but I think that in EF once the rats have the upgraded chips, Chase's laser bō is green instead of blue, and his super senses are togglerable (to a degree) I also like to imagine Kaz's lil bro Kyle is his number one fan and nobody in his family listens to him when he claims that Kaz is one of the bionic guys on the news.

... yeah I think that's enough for now

#asks #wibe #wouldn't it be easier #z rambles #headcanons #rottmnt headcanons #TMNT headcanons #lab rats #mighty med #elite force

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siriuslysatorusimping · 4 months

Note

Ok about your latest post: I can assure you your writing does do all of that!

When I first read your story, like the very first chapter, my head started doing backflips.

I tend to maladaptiv daydream a lot, and rinko kinda wormed her way into that! (So every time I hear a song, my mind will just go, "Can you imagine Rinko doing....")

Also

Rinko was the first character I read about that was in a relationship with gojo that could take him on. Not the honored one, not the six eyes, him. It gives you a different perspective about the characters we know. So now we GET to know them threw someone else's eyes, weaknesses, quirks and all.

The first chapter is also the one I reread the most. You created a character that becomes a part of the readers and that we can identify with. (In all the AUs as well I may add)

So yeah, just wanted to let you know that:) (sorry that it's so long, kinda rambled there, sorry🙂)

Have a lovely day/night:)

THIS MESSAGE IS SO SWEET AND PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR IT BEING LONG OR RAMBLING. DO NOT DO THAT EVEN ONCE!! IT'S WONDERFUL. THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭💕

It makes me SO HAPPY to know people reread Another Level and love Rinko and the others as much as I do 🥹 Her relationship with Megumi, especially as it's grown over the years, just makes my heart 🥺🥺 He went from "shE'S NOT MY MOM" to "She raised me." and I just wanna cry.

You especially don't have to apologize for rambling when I don't know how not to rant 😅 SO THE REST OF THE BULLSHIT I HAVE TO SAY IS BELOW THE CUT

Something that I enjoyed so much about writing Another Level and Rinko was the humanity of it. I think about Hollow Echoes and how I realized how unfair and one-sided some people's expectations were of Gojo after how he treated Rinko when she went into his condo without asking that first time. Like, of course he shouldn't have spoken to her like that. But he's still human, and humans make mistakes. They act irrationally and let their emotions drive them even when they shouldn't. Even when they know they shouldn't.

I think anyone other than Rinko would have either completely written him off as an asshole or caved and said he hadn't done anything wrong. But she held him accountable while admitting she was wrong, and it's something I adore about these two. They communicate with each other. They call each other out for being stupid, and they trust each other enough to admit when they're wrong. Admitting you're wrong to someone takes a lot of trust that they won't take advantage of that admission or use it against you, and that's something that both Gojo and Rinko are used to from others. Gojo is used to people taking any little fuckup and holding it against him for years, but Rinko has never done that with him because she understands that it won't help or change anything. There's just something about the two of them that is inherently safe for them to be themselves to the fullest.

Not only that, but Rinko was a safe person for all of the kids. She never talked down to them or straight up tried to 'mom' them. Which is one thing they all appreciated. Almost all of those kids have problems with authority and shitty or absent parents, so they would not react well to someone who just imposed authority over them like a parent.

I've seen a lot of fics that have Megumi calling the reader/oc 'mom' super easily or being really affectionate with them, and I just don't feel like that fits Megumi's character at all. He's an emotionally constipated abandoned kid who has Zenin blood. A kid like him would not just start calling someone 'mom' if they started acting like his parent. Because kids like that: bitter, angry at the world, abandoned kids with issues as deep as Megumi's are typically not receptive to people who force themselves into a parental role. Just think about how he treated Tsumiki, who he clearly loves and respects, when she tried to get him to quit fighting. It's why Rinko literally called him 'a ball of rage' in Bullies. Because he is. And no amount of 'parenting' is going to make that go away.

Gojo never acts like his parent in canon. He acts like a legal guardian because that's what he is. He knows better than to try to actually parent him. So it's just kinda funny to me when people think that Megumi would be this really affectionate kid who loves to be snuggled or coddled, and would like or accept someone who appeared in his life and suddenly just started telling him what to do all the time as if they have the right to do so.

He appreciated Rinko because she didn't try to force herself into his life. To force him to listen or do what she said. She watched out for him, she worried about him, but she didn't impose herself on his life. She made it clear she cared about him and would be there if he ever needed her, and she let him know that she understood his anger. Just like how her mother did. But again, she made it clear from the beginning that she wasn't trying to be his mom. And even now, if anyone asked her, she wouldn't say she is. She'd say he's her kid, but she would never just say she's his mom. And she'd turn bright red if Megumi ever actually called her that, which he wouldn't. He'll transition to calling her Rinko instead of Rinko-san, but he'll never call her mom.

It's also similar to how Rinko was when Maki ran away, she told her what she thought, but she knew she couldn't tell her what to do or think or feel. Because, just like Megumi, she understands their anger. She knows where they're coming from. She's felt the exact same anger they have and she just wants them to have someone who lets them know there's someone who cares about them no matter what, and it's okay to be angry because they have been given a shitty hand in life.

With all the kids, Rinko never treated them like dumb kids. She never spoke down to them or tried to 'give them wise advice.' She offered her opinion or thoughts and told them to do what they would with that and call her if they needed her. While she made it clear she knew they were kids, that never affected how she spoke to them. She spoke to them almost the exact same way she spoke to Shoko and Nanami and Gojo. And that was one reason all her students loved her so much.

ANYWAY THERE'S A FUCKIN KIKO RANT FOR YOU. HOLY SHIT. I'M SO SORRY THIS WAS DEFINITELY MORE THAN YOU SIGNED UP FOR WHEN YOU SENT THAT MESSAGE 😭

I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY OR NIGHT!! 💕💕🥹

#sweet asks #sweet anons #another level asks #rinko kurisaki #rinko kurisaki fanclub #rinko kurisaki aka my favorite oc i've ever written #everyone loved rinko-sensei #gojo fanfic #jjk fanfic #kiko rants

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light-lanterne · 1 year

Text

This story is set in the universe of one of my main stories, The Darkest Eyes, which I post in AO3 and for which I’ll provide a link below this. You don't really need to read the story to understand this, but it could help understand some of the characterisation I've gone for. For context, this happens around a year before the start of the story, just a few months after they've defeated Vecna. The only information you need if you haven't read the main thing is that Mike was attacked and almost killed during the final battle. - - - - - - - - - - - ao3 || masterpost || support me on ko-fi!

As he looked up, Mike was greeted with the beautiful sight of the evening sky, the receding burnished gold ushering indigo and crimson hues across the firmament, its velvety surface broken only by fluffy clouds of wonders and dreams.

They moved a little. The clouds. Gusts of westerly wind kept stirring them delicately, shaping them into thin strands that closely resembled candy floss, or perhaps ivory foam atop the glistening ripples of the ocean. And he’d only been there once, to the sea, a family trip at the tender age of eight taking him across the country and into the cold waters of the East Coast in early spring, but he remembered the texture of the spume and he was willing to bet the cirrus above him felt just the same.

Fingers sinking into fuzz, disappearing amidst spectre-like froth that swirled around upon touch… He wished he could feel it.

For now, however, he’d have to make do with just observing from afar, back pressed against the grounding bark of an ancient cedar, worn-out sneakers surrounded by a tapestry of celandines breaking up the homogeneity of the meadow, their yellow petals fully unfurled to absorb even the last ray from the reckoning sun. A fresh breeze danced across the cedar’s leaves, their soft rustling accompanying the song of a nearby goldfinch as it prepared for the night, the cold raking its fingers over Mike’s skin.

His breath billowed, cheeks turning ruddy and nose pinching at the sensation of the zephyr, goosebumps covering his freckled arms as a shiver ran down his spine. He knew he should’ve worn a thicker sweater, or perhaps a coat over his current ensemble, but he’d insisted on the lightweight garments for he enjoyed the cold. The eidolon of winter, the ghost of its relentless bite… Bearable yet unpleasant, Mike had recently discovered his affinity for the numbing frost for it was a confirmation. Reassurance, even, that he was still alive.

That despite everything they’d gone through, everything they’d seen and been forced to do, they’d all made it through the end of the world.

And it was still rather fresh. A gaping wound that had not closed yet, blood oozing in a disorderly manner that no longer made any sense, waking terrors finding him in every dark corner, every shadow, every abandoned building and in the face of every neighbour he ever had. The pain in their faces… The loss they’d all been through… Everywhere he went, Mike found a reminder of the horrors that had destroyed their town and stolen away part of his soul and that of the ones he loved the most, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop the searing fear that sometimes took over his brain.

It was agony, to know with certainty how everything had occurred and how it had all ended, yet still being unconvinced at the fact that they were now safe, unable to retreat to the blissful peace of his childhood memories because even those had been tarnished now. Corrupted. Rewritten to be a part of the nightmare, a maelstrom of broken thoughts being everything he had left in his mind.

Henry. Vecna. One. Whoever the monster had been, he’d really enjoyed messing with Mike’s head and it was still too soon for him to accept he no longer was shackled to the kismet the Devil had chosen for him.

It was… overwhelming, sometimes. Most times. Closing his eyes still produced abominable sights he wouldn’t wish upon his worst enemy, and today was one of the days when it was harder to focus on anything beyond keeping his breath steady and avoiding the inquisitive eyes of the population of Hawkins at large. As a former member of Hellfire —the coven they’d chosen to blame for the destruction of their quiet lives—, the town had turned their back on him and it was still hard to digest that he had somehow become a personification of everything they hated.

An omen of bad luck. Their reminder of what had happened.

As if he needed more stress in his life, his days had evolved into a continuous cycle of hostility that he wasn’t sure he could endure for too long, lingering dread and trauma already making it hard to get up in the mornings, the pain on the side of his neck and up his jaw being the only thing that could constantly convince him that he was genuinely not a corpse. A husk… a shell of who he’d once been, maybe. But still very much a living being.

He hated it, how peace seemed within reach yet always eluded him like a feather floating in the air, but there was nothing he could do to change his fate. There was no enemy to defeat this time; no battle to fight. Just endless days to get through, the promise of a beautiful sunset every day being the second main reason he even went through the meaningless static mess that time had become.

As for the first main reason…

Well, that one was even better than the scenery before him. Better than the dappled light that danced in the raindrops clinging to the surrounding grass, a result from an earlier squall. Better than the silvering gibbous moon that now reigned the sea of twinkling stars. Better than the daffodils and violets that tripped through the lawn, nearby hydrangeas filling the air with their sweet jasmine-like fragrance as a sweet robin chirped its “Goodnight” to the world.

By all definitions, Mike had found himself in a painting. A canvas full of colour, harmonious strokes creating the closest thing to Eden a human could aspire to see, the closest thing to a safe place Mike had come to know in the post-apocalypse world he now existed in.

And yet, the beauty he found himself surrounded with paled in comparison to that of his companion. To that of Mike’s best friend, partner in crime, beloved.

Will Byers.

The boy who’d survived; the boy who’d saved Mike in more ways than he could even imagine.

The boy he was irrefutably in love with.

It was still weird to think like that. To allow himself to think like that. But he was done denying the truth, and the truth was that he adored Will with all of his heart. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life alongside him, go to college together, live in a shitty flat on top of a rundown convenience store and watch marathons of all their favourite films every weekend. That he wanted to sing annoying tunes as they did homework or prepared dinner, take care of the other when he fell ill, and wake Will up when their alarm clock inevitably malfunctioned and they were running late.

Mike wanted to keep Will company on the days when he felt as though he was stuck in the Upside Down again, and relish on the calming sensation of Will drawing on his arms when it was his turn to be having a bad day.

Of course, it made sense in retrospect. It was a natural progression of their relationship, the only way things could’ve ever been, and now that he had come to terms with it, Mike was eager: eager to spend as much time with Will as he could, eager to explore the possibilities he hadn’t even allowed himself to dream of, eager to slowly expand their bond to new, exciting lands which filled Mike with happiness by merely thinking about them, and eager to meet his favourite person in a new, completely different light.

It was an exciting thought. One that was slowly turning into a genuine option because they weren’t in a romantic relationship, not yet, but it was undeniable that their friendship had slowly evolved beyond the realms of the platonic and, as nerve-wracking as it was to think about the likelihood of everything going awry, Mike was willing to give it a try.

After all, all of his insecurities, their shattered lives, Eldritch beings from hellish dimensions and Death itself had all conspired to keep them away from the other and yet, somehow, despite all odds, they had always found their way back to each other. Like gravity pushing them together, a quantum pattern from which neither of them could ever escape. Mike would forever be in Will’s life and the other way around, so why should they resist their shared craving of gifting each other more of themselves? More of their fractured souls and corroded beings?

It was only logical to give in to the desire, the rest of the world be damned. They deserved it after everything they’d gone through, after all the time they had lost and the innocence they would never recover.

And they’d agreed to go slow; heal from the aches of growing up in a world that hated them for what they were, fighting a different reality that hated them for who they were. They’d only started holding hands recently, were slowly re-learning to exchange a variety of hugs with different meanings —some far more intimate than others—, and it’d only been a few days since the first time Will kissed Mike’s cheek before going home. Threading carefully like deer in a field of flowers, they were taking every precaution to not destroy what they already had as they built something new, advancing at a leisurely pace that would’ve decidedly driven Mike nuts if he were younger and less experienced.

But right now, sitting in a field on the outskirts of town, watching the sun disappear beyond the horizon as the cicadas started up their eternal song, Mike thought things were going well.

He nudged his knee against Will’s, the rip of his jeans allowing for his bare skin to brush against the coarse denim of Will’s hand-me-down pants, touch gentle as to not disrupt the illustration his friend was making and Mike wasn’t an expert in many things, but he knew Will Byers well enough to understand that the frantic turning of pages and closing of the sketchbook was probably because Will was drawing him again.

Their eyes met. Mike smirked and rose an eyebrow, Will glared at him for a moment then shook his head and chuckled. A dusting of pink coated his face, embarrassment from being caught, but his expression was that of curiosity.

Looking up from between the curtains of soft hazelnut bangs, Will rose his eyebrows and pointed at Mike, tongue darting out for a moment to wet his chapped lips because he had a big problem with staying hydrated, always too busy reimagining world around him to remember to take proper care of himself. Mike wished he could scold Will for that, but he knew he’d only be setting himself up for he was the worse offender out of the two of them.

He still rolled his eyes, though. Quick and offhandedly as to not give ammunition to Will, yet visible enough to earn himself another brief glare. Mike didn’t pay it any mind and instead pointed towards the front of them, towards the hidden sun and the ebony dome that was now the sky. A silent question, an invitation to get going because Joyce was cool and always gave Will space, but she still got rather nervous about them being out in the middle of the night and it wasn’t the greatest idea to let her get antsy. Not so much because of her anxiety, for she now had Hopper to calm her down, but because she was supposed to make dinner tonight and she already struggled to make passable food on the good days, let alone when she was nervous.

Will seemed to read his mind, lips breaking into a grin that mirrored Mike’s own.

And many things had happened in the last few years. Mike’s life was no longer simple, his preoccupations far beyond anything anyone his age should think about, the scars on his face and body evidence of fights no one should’ve ever had to endure. Getting up from bed was a challenge every single morning, pain and fear entwining to form a debilitating cocktail that kept him on edge all day, his mind slowly turning into his own worst enemy as time went by. People in Hawkins hated him for associating himself with a dead man who hadn’t even done anything wrong, and his parents despised him for failing to become the person they’d wished he’d been from the moment he was born.

However, right then, at that moment, seeing the small gap between Will’s front teeth, the peachy tinge of his round cheeks, and the star-like glow in the kaleidoscope of green, brown and golden that were his eyes, Mike knew everything would be alright.

#🌷#✨#🧸#byler #byler fanfiction #byler fanfic #byler ficlet

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queen-erika-the-songful · 1 year

Note

most annoying barbie take(s) you've seen? feel free to go off if you want to

Oh buckle up because I've got 2 major gripes.

1. People using Life in the Dreamhouse as the end-all-be-all of what Barbie media/content should be like. Yes it's fun and hilarious and I still love it to this day but I'm sick of everyone comparing every new idea to it.

For example, I'm not the biggest Dreamhouse Adventures fan but the fact that people are STILL comparing it to LitD is ludicrous. First of all, they are different KINDS of series, DA being a 22-min TV series aimed at teaching life lessons and LitD being a short form web series (with a couple exceptions) that spoofs reality shows and satires Barbie. They're also totally different in tone, setting, and characterizations of Barbie & co. Yet people treat DA like it's some inferior LitD reboot/successor. DA isn't TRYING to be LitD!!!

I think it's gotten even worse recently with the live-action Barbie coming out. Endless LitD comparisons are being made. I mean, at least it's a bit more understandable this time with Barbieland seeming similar to dollsize Malibu and an air of self-parody. But even so people are whining and crying about characters like Raquelle not being there. Again I love LitD and Raquelle is iconic but she's beloved BECAUSE of LitD. She didn't even exist before it, unlike Midge who was Barbie's first best friend. (Sidenote: Barbie Diaries Raquelle and Fairy Secret Raquelle do not count; they are completely different characters). (Sidenote #2 it's RAQUELLE not Raquel at least get it right if you're gonna whine). I mean the "Raquelle" entity has been around before LitD like characters such as Teresa, but again the one people always talk about is this one iteration of her. If anything you should be complaining about the lack of Christie and Teresa, who have been around for generations like Midge and used to be mainstays of Barbie.

I also want people to stop saying other versions of Barbie are "wrong" or that people outside the fandom don't understand what the characters are "really" like because of this ONE version of the characters that has been discounted since 2015.

2. People wanting Aqua's "Barbie Girl" in the new movie

Look we all loved this song as a kid, I get it. I did too because I thought it was a real Barbie song. But it's not. Yes Mattel sued and then made their own version and used the melody in commercials between 2009-201x whatever the date was BUT it's been abandoned since then.

The song depicts Barbie as a stereotype dumb bimbo blonde with a gross horndog version of Ken as her love interest. Even with lyrics like "imagination, life is your creation" & "if you say I'm always yours" it's surrounded by things like "you can touch/you can play" "kiss me here touch me there/hanky-panky". Like I'm not gonna stop others from making sexual/humorous depictions of Barbie. My problem is this fandom wanting "outsiders" to see another side of Barbie but still insisting this song be part of it. Why are you holding on to it so tightly? Maybe I just don't get it.

And going back for a sec, again Mattel SUED over this song. Like I don't think it's going into the movie just for that reason

I feel like I had another thing to say but this post is long enough so I'm just gonna stop here

#barbie

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n0wav · 6 days

Text

Pinkerton appreciation

HELLO CHATTERS!!!

Today i did what i do on almost a weekly basis, which is to listen to pinkerton. i was in a good mood listening to this very awesome album... UNTIL! i noticed something that somewhat upset me not really but its really interesting.

you see back in the 90s pinkerton wasn't loved as much as blue album because it's messy dark and emo and not silly fun power pop like blue. it wasn't till many years later that pinkerton the the love and appreciation it deserved. Although it isn't nearly as popular as blue, green, or even make believe (really only because of Beverly hills), it is still very loved by weezer fans now.

Today while looking through the deluxe version i realized that "I just through out the love of my dreams" is more popular than any of the songs on the normal non deluxe album. Now don't get me wrong its a really good song (although this cover of the song is kinda better imo :3) and i do really enjoy it, i do feel like its a repeat in history.

now if you don't know what i mean by this repeat in history, i will shift the attention for a short moment to another band, PAVEMENT!!!

one side note i think is funny is that back when weezer started, people called them cheesy pavement rip-offs... just something i remembered!

pavement is an awesome band and they will get another post out of me at some point of me writing on this tumblr blog, but in the mean time... Pavement has always been relatively popular in indie rock circles, but nothing exceeds the popularity they got when harness your hopes blew up like crazy on tiktok, making it their most popular song on streaming services by a very large margin. AND Just like i just threw out the love of my dreams, harness your hopes is also a B-side that randomly got popular from social media.

Don't get me wrong I'm not upset at all, to be honest i don't care that much like it really isn't that deep, i just think its interesting how common this is, where a song from an older band gets big thanks to social media, more specifically tiktok.

The only thing i do wish is that people listened to more of the bands music rather than just listen to the one song they know, but then again i just realized not everyone is as obsessed with music as i am lol.

Back to pinkerton

i LOVE pinkerton, i def like it more than blue album, which isn't much of a hot take since the weezer fandom has been split on which album is better for prolly 2 decades at this point. For me the album is just more up with the kinda music i listen to, while being very different at the same time. the way the album starts with the synth, and you automatically hear the raw and underproduced sound this album has.

aside from the sound, i just personally kinda relate to some of the songs, maybe not the weird parts... but def many of the bit more normal ones.

With tired of sex, I have definitely grown tired of having relationships with people where there's no actual relationship or connection at all. for a long time i really didn't know who i am (weezer reference).

getchoo is hard for me to analyze or related it to anything so i will skip that one (good song tho)

no other one hit pretty hard home for me. i've been in pretty shitty relationships with people who treat me like shit, hence the shittiness, and for some reason i didn't leave because i didn't think i could do any better and that nobody knows me like her, that we're all we got and we don't wanna be alone (weezer reference).

why bother? is me when I'm scared to make relationships and friendships with basically anyone because of my fear that whoever i talk to will eventually not like me and abandon me, to where in my head i will think "why bother? its gonna hurt me. it's gonna kill when they desert me. It's already happened to me twice before. it wont happen to me anymore." (weezer reference)

i only semi relate to across the sea because i've e-dated as a young child on discord.... next song (still a good song)

the good life is me too because i used to be really cool and leave my house a lot and play shows and have lots of friends and just do things that aren't me sitting at home doing nothing being a pig and a dog (weezer reference). it is def time i got back to the good life (weezer reference) But to be fair i don't really want to go back to that time i just wanna be a normal person again.

i don't really relate to el scorcho much but its still an awesome song.

pink triangle is me because I've dated girls who turned out to be a lesbian but trust me i didn't turn them, they were already lesbian before we started dating i don't know why they started dating me maybe because I'm not very masculine so they thought it would be fine. (note that i didn't know they were lesbian till after we would break up)

i put falling for you in a mixtape i made my ex. whenever i would hear that song i would think of her because its how i felt about her. i was afraid of falling for her, but in the end i just wanted to settle down with her (weezer reference)

I don't relate to butterfly either but it is a really really good song

as you can see i really like pinkerton and relate to it very much. it is prolly one of my favorite albums of all time no doubt

this is the end of the post

we love pinkerton

pinkerton is our everything

here's a song rec from the album pinkerton by weezer

thanks for reading my weezer rant! idk what i will post about next but we will see!

Goodbye!!!! :3

#weezer #power pop #noise pop #pavement #say it aint so #blue album #pinkerton #i just threw out the love of my dreams #tired of sex #nerdcore #losercore #Spotify #rivers cuomo

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octoagentmiles · 1 year

Note

Hi! I love your analysis posts! So, I have a question: What kind of music do you think the Octonauts (And any Octo agents you want to add) would listen to, and what are their favorite song?

merci beaucoup <33 I have very little actual musical "knowledge"; I just like specific songs that go beep bap boop a specific way, but I'll try my best here—and as for their favourite songs, I'll just name some songs that remind me of them, if that's okay 👍

Barnacles likes accordion of course, so he'd probably enjoy anything that incorporates it. I can see him liking most genres tbh, he's not super picky—but he definitely likes folk and classical, and he LOVES sea shanties—almost more than Kwazii 👀

Dear Fellow Traveler - Sea Wolf

Born For Greatness - Papa Roach

AND:

Leaving London

Lost

Ship In A Bottle

Abandon Ship* (*pretend it's Kwazii singing to him)

They're all from an album by Steffan Argus, and you need to listen to them in order because they tell a story, and the whole thing is so Him fr.

See also:

The Last Shanty - Derina Harvey Band

—for some Manitoba!Tweak vibes.

Dashi listens to nightcore. She also got Peso into it. Honestly I feel like the two of them are both into pretty much anything—Dashi has a preference for pop, and Peso definitely likes symphonies, ballads, and anything that's chill and lofi.

Dashi also listens to hard rock and heavy metal in her spare time, and it disorients the heck out of whoever witnesses it randomly come on in her shuffled playlists. However, the only type of music I can't see Peso liking, is really loud music; like rock or metal—so they're the exact same and polar opposites at the same time 😂

I ALSO always think of Dashi when I listen to Marina—no idea why lol—might be her accent 😅

I don't have many songs for either of em- but here's what I've got:

Peso:

Cold Cold Cold - Cage The Elephant

Anxiety Song - Human Petting Zoo

Dashi:

Right Hand Man - Something Rotten

Hermit The Frog - Marina. just vibes once again.

Inkling:

Dude exclusively listens to oldies, classics, and like,,, Beethoven probably, BUT! I feel like any one of the Octonauts could ask him to listen to anything and he would. He unironically enjoys Kwazii's music.

Octopus' Garden - The Beatles

Vegimals:

They all have ridiculously contrasting tastes; they all probably enjoy the same kind of music as their respective Octonaut counterparts—but aside from that, they mostly just make their own music so they can all be happy.

Get Back Up Again but SPECIFICALLY the version from Disney's Trolls. trust me on this.

(some) Agent songs under cut:

Calico Jack me beloved:

I headcanon that he wrote his own theme song, so he likes shanties for sure; but I feel like as the years went by and he grew as a person, his music and general interests toned down a lot—so now he's more into ballads, and very Lord Huron or Hozier-esque music.

(all the following songs are angsty but they also hit HARD ykwim?? aye 👀 /pos)

Never Love An Anchor - The Crane Wives

Farewell Wanderlust - The Amazing Devil

Problems - Mother Mother

Metaphor - The Crane Wives

Flight Of The Crows - Jhariah

(oh look a non-angsty song–)

That's Life - Frank Sinatra

Natquik my beloved²:

Barnacles 100% got his music taste from him, I cannot be told otherwise. That's all I have to say about him.

Constellations - The Oh Hellos

Snow - Ricky Montgomery

December - Ricky Montgomery

New Discovery - The Crane Wives

Runaway - Aurora

plus bonus:

Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In - Will Wood

Touch-Tone Telephone - Lemon Demon

—to satisfy my personal "I think Natquik deserves to go feral" needs.

Ranger Marsh my belov–:

Exclusively listens to folk and country, and actively refuses to branch out his horizons.

Cicada Days - Will Wood

Swarm Swamp Swim - Cosmo Sheldrake

Birdhouse In My Soul - They Might Be Giants

Tracker:

On one hand, I really like headcanoning that he likes to sing when he's alone—and is actually pretty good; but on the other hand... I think it'd be hilarious if he had unbelievably bland taste in terms of what he enjoys listening to 😂 He has no real preference, so he just lets whoever he's with control the radio. For their sake.

Hold It In - Jukebox The Ghost

I shall not/cannot explain why that song reminds me of him but it does so much-

and I don't have any more for him, RIP ✌️😔 I could probably find some easily if I looked, but I'm lazy ┐⁠(⁠‘⁠～⁠`⁠;⁠)⁠┌

Paani:

He has weird taste too; but unlike Tracker, he has the most alternative underground music taste you can imagine, and he WILL subject you to it. He eats bugs in a universe of talking bugs, and I think it'd be funny if all of his interests were on the same wavelength lmao. He's just a weirdo (affectionate).

Just like Tracker I probably could find more songs if I actually tried to look—but for now all I have is this:

Water Island - My Singing Monsters

I found it on tiktok and it's literally His Song™ ever fr.

#ask #octonauts #ps every song listed is in my playlist 👀👀👀#wink wink nudge nudge /j #i have so many more songs for each character it was kinda hard only picking a handful 😅😅#really exposing my music taste here ain't i #i will never let paani's bug thing go. they need to explain it one day 😭#until then i'm just gonna continue headcanoning him as a weirdo lmaoo xD #i feel like I've never said the word ''taste'' this many times before #well- ok actually i did make posts abt their favourite foods a while back-#but still hfdfhk it doesn't look like a word anymore 😂#anyways #golistentomyplaylistokbye- (/nf)#long post

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auspicious-voice · 10 months

Text

Plans for AUSPICIOUS VOICE Going Forward

EDIT @ 07/10/2023: More explanation on what I will do with my social media accounts at the end of this post

Hey guys!

I'm writing this post to highlight some key changes for this project and its future, especially when I want to move on to other bigger things I'd like to focus on. Of course that doesn't mean I'm abandoning this project, but I just want to scale down on the social aspects of the UTAU hobby significantly for the most part.

If you're interested on what this means for the project, then feel free to read on.

Cover Uploads

Since January 2023, I have been uploading new cover to my YouTube and BiliBili channels on a weekly basis. This was mostly because I had a huge backlog of finished covers I've kept in my hard drive for a long time. But since I've cleared my cover backlog and that I've run into a bit of a burnout AND cover block, I figured that doing weekly uploads isn't really a fun thing to do anymore.

It's hard to find inspiration for songs I want to cover nowadays since I'm all burnt out right now, and I want to upload covers whenever I want to. I won't stop uploading covers but the amount of covers I will upload will decrease over time. I also want to make more time and space for other things I am working on instead of constantly working on covers every week.

Maybe I should build a playlist of songs I want to cover in the future, and when the inspiration really hits, I could revisit the playlist and select the one I like the most...

Voicebank Development and Releases

It never really occured to me that I wanted to stop developing voicebanks up until recently. I will say that I will be stopping voicebank development for Fuwa Maria and Fuwa Mario indefinitely.

Now the reason why I am saying this is because of multiple factors. One is that I don't have the time and energy to devote to developing new voicebanks for my UTAUs these days, and I'm at that point where I look at my current voicebanks and I'm like, "Yeah I don't think I'll record a voicebank as good as that." I'm perfectly fine with the quality of my current voicebanks, and I don't intend to record new versions of them anytime soon. That doesn't mean that I'll stop giving them miniscule QoL updates though.

Producing voicebanks takes a long time, from months to even a year, and it really exhausts me every time I do a voicebank release. So that being said, don't expect new voicebanks to be released anytime soon. This decision isn't permanent, but it will probably remain that way for a long time from now.

Anything else?

For the sake of my social battery and mental health, I won't be directly interacting with the UTAU community (and the greater vocal synth community) from now on. Too much happens on those online spaces to the point where it stresses me out by a ton, and I'm glad that there are people leaving the community to do better things or to improve themselves for the reasons mentioned above. I won't lie that without the UTAU community, I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today, but I think it's time to move on, like a graduation of sorts or something.

That doesn't mean that I won't stop all communications with the UTAU community, but I will be around to check if anything new has been made with Maria and Mario through tags and search results occasionally. I may leave a comment or two at that! I also opened up a new e-mail for inquiries about the voicebanks and characters, so that's my primary form of contact now.

As for the program itself, I have always treated UTAU as a hobby, and I will continue to do so - as something that I like to do for myself in my free time. I will cover the songs I like with my UTAUs (and other voicebanks if I feel like it), and upload them for myself and others to see if they like. And if someone else enjoys it, then that's great! I just love sharing the things I enjoy doing.

Moving forward, this is my way of saying that I will be dialling down on UTAU-related activities significantly in terms of the program itself (maybe a little bit) and the community related to it. I have been valuing my own health recently, which has been bogged down for way too long. And I will be uploading covers sporadically, and I just want to focus on using the new voicebanks I released for years to come. Quite frankly, hobbies and interests are best enjoyed with close friends and probably not with bigger circles, and that alone has done wonders to me.

I will say that if I were to post covers, they might be posted back-to-back on some days. I will post my UTAU work through this site and my YouTube and BiliBili channels from now on, and I have an RSS feed set up in case you guys use them!

See you, HIRA

#News #UTAU

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andiwriteordie · 1 year

Note

Okay I absolutely want to take turns and play a little ts st game so.. tag you're it.

(I am also obsessed with you, if that wasn't obvious)

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE GAME YAY YAY YAY

i'm gonna go with one of my most favorite taylor swift songs (legit this has been in my top 3 songs on spotify since 2019 or 2020 lol): the archer. i constantly go back and forth between whether it feels more mike or will to me because it just... it feels so much like both of them.

(prepare yourself for a loooooooong analysis. bold = mike; italics = will; both)

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

Alright, breaking this down section by section, be prepared for a long post, my friend. I think about Mike so much with this lyric, simply because Mike has a more combative nature than Will does. He’s hot-headed, brash, and easily angered, and we see him escalate a lot of situations (not even just with Will) because of that. But it’s so interesting, because while Mike’s nature is to be more combative and feisty, I feel like this also then contradicts other parts of Mike’s personality. Mike wants to be needed. Mike wants to be loved. His biggest fear is losing people that he cares about. He fears being abandoned by the ones he loves so much. So, these two lines to me just capture that internal battle, especially in the context of Byler, where Mike jumps to these argumentative, harsh words with Will (see rain fight, see Rink-O-Mania fight), and yet, he doesn’t want that. We know he wants things to be normal with him and Will again, but he’s using his combative, argumentative mask to hide those true feelings.

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

Cruelty wins in the movies. Ouch. This just reminds me of how Mike is trying to put on a facade. He is trying to emulate what a traditional, masculine kind of guy is supposed to look like. Guys aren’t supposed to be sensitive. They’re not supposed to care as much, and they’re certainly not supposed to care about other guys that much, right? Mike wants to be like the men he sees on the screens and that he sees in real life too (see - how he tries to follow Lucas’s example of traditional masculinity). But then, we see again, this other side to Mike. Lettergate theory truthers rise up. Mike has so much he actually wants to say to Will. Words he’s too afraid to say out loud and that are lost on pages he’ll never send or hidden in the back of his mind, where nobody gets to see them. But he wants to say them. He really really does.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I think I’m gonna talk about Mike’s side of the chorus first, then I’ll talk about Will’s side when the chorus comes back around. God, “easy they come, easy they go” KILLS ME. I just have the images of Mike standing outside of Will’s home as Will (and El) are driven away from him in both the S2 finale (when they’re going to save Will from the Mind Flayer and when El is going to close the gate) and when Will and El’s family move from Hawkins. People keep leaving Mike, and that’s his biggest fear. It’s not just Will and El either; it’s all of his friends. We see these fears spilling out when he’s angry at Lucas in S4 for the basketball thing.

I never grew up, it's getting so old

Help me hold onto you

This line is so freaking ironic to me, because Mike is just the opposite of that, right? He forces himself to try and grow up. He tries to push his childhood away in S3, and in doing so, he hurts Will and the rest of his friends too. He’s trying so hard to ignore all these confusing feelings and repress them, but in the end, it just hurts Mike more too. He feels like he has to grow up, but he doesn’t actually want to. That’s getting old, and Mike just wants to go back to when things were okay—back when he could still be close to Will, could hold on tight to Will, could do things that weren’t looked down on because they had the innocence of youth to hide behind. And so, I read these lyrics as almost like… Mike’s inner child quietly asking if he can go back to that, begging to return to how things used to be?

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

Again, going back to the theme of Mike’s fear of loss and abandonment. “I’ve been the archer” - Mike has hurt people with his harshness and the words he’s said. He’s hurt Will before. But God, don’t other people realize how much Mike has been hurt too? “Why am I the bad guy?” Mike literally asks Will, because God, doesn’t Will get that he’s hurt Mike too? That Will didn’t reach out and didn’t answer his calls? That Mike feels like he keeps getting left behind, that everyone else is moving on and moving forward, when he just feels stuck? When he keeps losing the people (the person) who means the most to him?

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

Alright, moving on to some Will lyrics now! I can interpret this a couple different ways… But when I think about these lines, I just imagine Will in the aftermath of S3 and before S4, hurting and thinking about Mike. Because Mike has been his best friend for years now, and Mike did hurt him. Mike said harsh words and cruel things to Will, and maybe there’s a part of Will that is angry and hurt. That wants to leave their friendship behind, because Mike did it first, right? For what was probably the first time, Mike showed Will his “dark side” which is so shocking to Will, who has only ever been able to see Mike’s light and his love.

But that’s the thing that Will gets to learn about love and friendship—that you don’t just sign up to love the goodness someone has. You sign up for the good, the bad, and the ugly. And yeah, he’s seen the bad parts of Mike, but he’s also seen so much good. The bad does not discount all the years of love and friendship he and Mike have shared with each other, and Will wants to return to that friendship. He misses Mike. He’s not planning on leaving anytime soon.

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

Okay I couldn’t decide who I wanted to analyze this set of lyrics more for, so I decided to do both. God, I love these lines so much, because when you think about that phrase “I cut off my nose just to spite my face” and its meaning that, “Hey, I’m going to do something that’ll hurt somebody else, but surprise? It hurt me just as much too,” I just think it’s so Byler. I don’t think either of them intentionally try to hurt each other, but when they do hurt each other, they end up hurting themselves just as much.

So, with both of them, I think about that time between S3 and S4. How neither of them really reached out all that much. How many they didn’t quite know how to be around each other anymore. How a little bit of resentment built up in their hearts, even if they didn’t want it to. How there were probably moments when Mike called Will and got no response, so he decided to be a little stubborn and not try again—until it just hurt too much not to try and reach out. How there were probably moments when Will saw letters coming in from Mike to El and how he thought about his own letters to Mike that he stubbornly decided not to send, because Mike couldn’t reach out first. How both of them wanted to reach out, but how both of them were hurt that the other wasn’t initiating. God. They’re so stupid, and I love them!

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

WILL WILL WILL WILL WILL. Literally this section of lyrics is so Will coded, like? I can’t. I love this song so much, Abby. I love that it’s a discussion of anxiety/mental health issues and how that then affects the way we love people. Because now, with Will’s perspective, I just… I think about how much Will has gone through. How he’s suffered from PTSD and probably still struggles with nightmares, even years after his kidnapping and possession. How when we see him in S4, he’s still trying to hold onto his past and his friendship with Mike, because of how much stability and comfort Mike once brought him.

Rewinding a little bit because if I’m gonna talk about Will’s mental health, I’m gonna talk about S2 because I love S2 with my whole heart? Literally all of this just reminds me of Will’s struggle with adjusting after S1 and then how he was targeted by the Mind Flayer in S2. He knows he isn’t the same, and everyone keeps reminding him of that. “The room is on fire, invisible smoke” - just reminds me of Will seeing the Mind Flayer and feeling his presence, but being told by Owens that it’s probably just all in his head. “Invisible smoke” like he made it up… all in his mind. Not to mention, “All of my heroes die all alone” excuse me. Bob. Dying because of something that’s indirectly Will’s fault? Ouch.

Help me hold onto you

Look, this little line gets its own paragraph because I’m not done talking about S2/S4 parallels yet. Again, thinking about how in S2 Will was struggling so much with adjusting and with being stalked, and who was there for him? Mike. Mike was this steady, constant presence, and he was the one person who didn’t treat Will with kids gloves or like he was broken or different for what had happened. He gave Will the courage to keep fighting! So, now in S4, especially at the end, we just see that struggle of Will knowing his and Mike’s friendship isn’t what it used to be, but God, he’s back in Hawkins, and he can feel Vecna’s presence again, and when will this end? Is Will going to be alone in this, this time around? God, he hopes not, and maybe that’s part of why he’s trying so hard to stay close to Mike too. Mike is his best friend, but Mike is also the one who most helps Will keep fighting. And sure, Will “ripped the bandaid” off, but then sitting on the couch next to Mike and quietly telling him these things—that One is back, that he’s not going to stop, that they have to kill him? It all just reminds me of this simple, simple lyric, and how Will is trying to return to that S2 dynamic. “Help me hold onto you,” is what he feels, even though he knows he shouldn’t.

I've been the archer,

I've been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

I mean, come on. “I’ve been the archer” in the sense that Will has done things he regrets. He was used by the Mind Flayer/by One to hurt and to kill people. But then, at the same time, “I’ve been the prey” because Will was One’s first target. He was abused and had his autonomy and control ripped away from him. One used Will to then perpetuate more destruction and harm. And that’s terrifying to Will, especially knowing he can still feel One and still is connected to him. But then, it’s just so beautiful to me, because in all of that, who stays with Will? Mike does. And Will knows it. Through the worst parts of his life, Mike stayed. The year before that, Mike moved heaven and hell to try and find Will. So, now, as they’re moving into S5 and into the fight of their lives, it’s just that question of… will Mike stay with him this time? Can they go back to the people they were and the relationship they had?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

'Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through

They see right through me

I see right through me

Obviously, a lot of repeated lyrics here, but I just like thinking about how both Mike and Will are hiding parts of themselves—their sexualities and their feelings for each other. For two people who have built a friendship on the idea that “friends don’t lie,” it’s heartbreaking that they now find themselves in a place where they have to keep secrets from each other. And I just imagine, as they stumble close to crossing that line, as the walls fall down ever so slightly, if they’re wondering if people can see through their lies. Surely, somebody sees through their lies—Jonathan did with Will’s van monologue. And Mike’s fear is someone seeing through his lie in the monologue he gave to El. Because they both are well aware that they lied in these moments; they can see through their own lies and I’m sure they regret it. So, is it only a matter of time before somebody else sees through the lie too?

All the king's horses, all the king's men

Couldn't put me together again

S2 Will right here. I think about Will, feeling lost and feeling different and feeling broken, after his experiences in the Upside Down. He’s always felt like a freak, but now, he can’t run away from it. And it’s getting worse. The doctors are trying, and he knows it. Owens is a nice enough man. But nothing is helping. Maybe Will can’t be fixed. Maybe he’ll always be different and always be the freak, and there’s no running away from that. And it sucks… but even in spite of all of that, he still has Mike. His best friend. And Mike’s not going anywhere.

'Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch, whatever you do don’t think about both Mike and Will feeling like the other one hates them now or is disgusted by them in the aftermath of their S3 fight. Nope, no, don’t do that. Mike feels so guilty; he’s hurt Will and said things that he regrets. And now Will isn’t reaching out to him. Will already feels different because of his sexuality and feelings for Mike, and now, he feels like Mike must know and must look at him differently. They used to be best friends, but now, they can barely even call themselves friends.

[Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

Who could stay?

Who could stay?]

Lots of repeated lyrics, which I think I covered already. :)

You could stay

You

Combat, I'm ready for combat

And this… this right here. I love this. Because after all of this, after this song is a massive confession of anxiety and of the worst parts of yourself, after the vulnerability of asking the person you love to please stay, please don’t leave again, I interpret this as a bit of a hopeful ending. Who could stay? … You. You could stay. So with Byler, I view this as just that moment of understanding that I hope they’ll get in S5, where they realize in spite of everything that has happened, in spite of what they’ve said to each other and the mistakes they’ve made, in spite of the negative ways they view themselves… Mike is choosing to stay there for Will. And Will is choosing to stay there for Mike. They’re not planning on leaving each other’s sides. They will face whatever comes next together, as a team. Neither one of them is going anywhere. It’s Mike and Will, up against the world.

#andi's asks #byler #st x ts #byler swifties #abby i am so sorry for this #i wrote a whole small book #also i love this and i love you ok #ok bye now #andi and abby analyze #new tag!!!!

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