#I'm thinking about writing him his own story
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Ryoko Kui Does Not Believe in Epiphanies (or: why Marcille and Mithrun's endings are great actually)
I have seen a couple of people who are upset about the way that Mithrun and Marcille's stories were resolved so I'm writing this to clear some things up. Ryoko Kui does not believe in epiphanies. An epiphany is a sudden and usually brief realization, an "aha" moment. Epiphanies are emotionally powerful moments. Both Marcille and Mithrun have powerful moments of realization, epiphanies.
Whether or not you like these resolutions, there's something you need to understand, Ryoko Kui does not put that much stock into these moments. Immediately after Marcille has her realization, Tansu responds like this:
While this is mostly his own opinion, what he is pointing out is that epiphanies are brief, they are singular moments that do not define a life. Life is long, and epiphanies do not sustain you. Marcille might feel like this now, but what about tomorrow? what about nex year? ten years, a hundred years, five hundred years from now? How often have you felt a sudden understanding? a burst of inspiration, or perhaps a realization that everything is pointless? It generally passes quickly, and you make dinner, and go to bed.
Think about the best meal you have ever had, it was probably a special occasion, maybe it felt like something magical, in the moment you might have felt like your life was changed. Then, in the morning you were hungry, so you ate breakfast. You cooked, you did the dishes, you went on with your life. What "meaning" did that meal have if you were hungry again the next day? Mithrun has to rebuild everything, every day he has to come up with new desires to do the very basics. None of it comes naturally, he has to find a reason to eat beyond being hungry, a reason to want to do anything when he doesn't want anything. Ryoko Kui tells us outright, that there is no magical solution:
The same thing applies to Ryoko Kui's representation of racism in dungeon meshi. Around when the orcs appeared in the anime I saw people gripeing about the way racism is treated. They seemed to think that Laios's party having dinner with the orcs was presented as them "solving" racism. Once again people misunderstand, they did not solve racism in a single moment. A few people, understood each other a little better, came to an arrangement and then parted. This was merely a moment in their lives. The characters continue to do micro-agressions, hold stereotypes, and have implicit biases. In dungeon meshi, characters don't suddenly stop being racist in the course of an evening. Life is a process, learning about others is a process, it's about the accumulation of experiences through the meat and potatoes of life, the daily activities that we actually fill our lives with, not the sudden realizations. Once you make learning about and living with other people into part of your routine, once it is embodied, then it is part of your life.
This is the real conclusion: life is not lived in a state of epiphany. Life is about chores, cooking, eating, shitting, working, and sleeping, it's everyday. Life is about doing simple things and doing them well. An epiphany is a useful tool for telling the reader that everything is going to be alright, we love to read epiphanies and be swept up in them. They can also be a breaking of a pattern, an escape from a spiral.
This is the other take away, it's about the people you do those things with, the way they rub off on you, the way they help you be human. For Mithrun and Marcille their paths would be impossible without other people pushing them back on the path as they stray. Mithrun literally would starve to death except for the thought that kabru and others don't want him to. Eating is a communal activity, so is living, you can have an epiphany on your own; you can't live on your own.
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Unknown Episode 11
Well, let me get this out of the way upfront. This episode brought us to the big moment we've all been waiting for, the final turn in Yuan and Qian's relationship--and unfortunately, it didn't quite land.
I've been sitting with this episode, contemplating my disappointment with the first sequence, and I think it comes down to this show that has been so assured and confident through most of its run faltering at the crucial moment and seeming to lose faith in its own storytelling to the point that it used editing tricks to compensate. The choice to chop up and sequence this narrative lynchpin of a scene out of order is baffling, and it's a choice that significantly stepped on the most important emotional climax of the story. I was confused to go from the conversation outside to a sudden kiss, then disappointed when we cut back to a very short exchange between Qian and Yuan that was supposed to provide the basis for this turn with only some thin dialogue that didn't connect the beats of the scene, and then into an intense sexual encounter (that was constantly interrupted by repetitive flashbacks) that should have felt like a triumphant and revelatory moment but didn't because of the way we got there.
I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, since folks have been creating and distributing reedited versions of the scene, and Youku actually uploaded a new version free on YouTube with all the flashbacks removed (a clear move toward fan appeasement after the show received a lot of negative feedback on the scene). The editing and the flashbacks were annoying, but honestly the fundamental problem was the scene they wrote did not sufficiently sell the change for Qian--he goes from saying he is still not certain what he wants to being ready to be dicked down in a couple minutes' time, with nothing in the exchange providing any new information or impetus for the shift. The performers did great work but unfortunately the writing and directing and editing decisions around this sequence were just bad; it's frustrating for this to happen with arguably the most important scene of the romance.
A note about the novel: the way this final turn happened there was quite different and, candidly, better in just about every way, from the impetus for the change to the beats of the revelation to the progression of physical intimacy on a pace that felt much more attuned to the emotional complexities at play. I do not know why the show did...this when they had better source material content to work with, but here we are. I absolutely recommend that anyone who loves this show read it!
So, with that disappointment expressed, on to the rest of the episode, in which Yuan and Qian settled into their couple era. I was deeply amused by Qian taking to their sex life like a moth to a flame to the point of daydreaming in meetings, but I do wish the episode had focused more on the natural tension and role confusion that should have resulted from this huge shift in their relationship. They touched on that a bit in the scene where Yuan asked Qian if his hug was from his brother or his boyfriend, but they didn't delve into those complexities in the way I hoped they would. I enjoyed their date at the local restaurant (and loved their friendly neighborhood gangster helping to set the mood) and how much it felt like they were surrounded by their history as they moved through all of these familiar locations where they've had important moments. I didn't much care for the insertion of the health scare plot or the time spent on Le and the doc, though I'm always happy for more Sam Lin even if it comes in the form of a weird late stage and wholly unnecessary ship.
My favorite scene between Yuan and Qian in this episode was far and away the discussion on the stairs with Qian reflecting on his fears of becoming more like his mother and Yuan biting him to snap him out of his fatalistic attitude (this felt like such a classic Priest tribute, she always has biting in her romances). It was a helpful re-centering of what they do for each other and why Yuan is an important presence in Qian's life. I didn't think we needed the health scare for Qian, but I did love Qian choosing to go to this place where he found Yuan to contemplate his life and what matters, with Yuan in turn reflecting that even though he's seen a lot more of the world now, he still prefers to come home to this street. I found that exchange so moving and I think it was important for Qian to hear that.
And that scene led to my other favorite thing in this episode, which was everything to do with Lili and her bond with her brothers. I teared up to see her standing against the wall where Qian has measured their growth talking about the sneaky ways she would try to care for Qian when they were younger, with San Pang listening attentively and gazing at her adoringly. It was such a small moment, but a really lovely window into their relationship dynamic and the shared history they also have together. And when Yuan and Qian came in hand in hand and she just ran to them and offered up her love and acceptance, I felt so much warmth for this family and everything they've survived together.
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I don't know how to articulate my thoughts on it consicely (as usual, hence why I rarely ever write posts here anymore), but ever since this week's dunmesh ep I can't stop thinking about That scene between toshiro and laios and how it's been talked about as a piece of representation of the neurodivergent struggle.
I've seen those panels countless times before the anime got to it, and I can't understate how Real of a thing it is that we're seeing through laios- that pain and frustration that comes from having the rug pulled under you in being told that been getting it Wrong the whole time and nobody's bothered to point out the donkey tail pinned on your ass.
but I think that's only the first half of the statement, and the way people talk (and don't talk) about toshiro does the moment a disservice.
seeing how people talk about it before getting to the scene itself, it ended up catching me off-guard how much of a Person toshiro is. he's always talked about as the strawman or the figure representing neurotypical society- the one that others us.
I see where it's all coming from, he's not a likeable character to most of the fandom for reasons I won't hold anyone against, but again- he's an important part of the picture that dunmesh paints of the nd struggle.
I find it absurd to portray toshiro as a representation of the 'average'. being both of royalty and of a culture that has instilled upon him his own values and expectations when it comes to socialization. it's why the inclusion of his retainers (especially maizuru) was a brilliant story decision; alongside laios', we get to see HIS social ineptitudes and how central they are to HIS character.
like. a major point of grievance many of the audience has with toshiro is his rose-tinted 'romance' with obviously-uninterested falin. I get it, especially if you've experienced that type of engagement with an unwanted pursuer. but dear lord if that doesn't perfectly parallel him with laios as a fellow Socially Inept Man.
it hit me as much as laios hit me when he said he envied our boy's sincerity. because that's a true and often less talked about part of the neurodivergent struggle(tm)- the difficulty to express your feelings. just like the other end of the spectrum, it hurts yourself as much as it hurts others.
as someone whose brain problems often manifest as social anxiety and feeling like i'm either unable to or unworthy of expressing how I feel, I envy laios too.
tl;dr- there are two characters present in that scene in episode 17.
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Which writers do you recommend ? What stories did you like?
I follow quite a bit of creators, so it would be quite overwhelming to include all of them ! So I'll only include those I especially like and have things to say about.
I'll of course shoutout @joshslater, he's honestly a bit of an idol to me, since his stories are always so imaginative - and well-written ! In that category I also add @salmonskinrolltf of which I especially like the multi-parters, and how he explores a gimmick very thoroughly, @maletfsstories who always write great stories that hook me up even on kinks I don't have, and @rozza22365 who basically was the one to introduce me to the guilty pleasure of gay to straight by his thrilling prose !
I'll also shoutout the very prolific @papermoon357 (because, let's be honest, who wouldn't !), whose skill really shines in the stories he posts between captions, @fredwkong and @octuscle who both have a similar style of reader-driven posting that brings a ton of varied content, with each their own spin (thinking about it, it might very well be in the continuation of the style of feu collegenerdtojock, whose tumblr has been taken over by pastry for some reason), as well as @coyotes-rules-of-change who always nails down perfectly what I find hot in tf !
And for newer writers, I'll shoutout @occamstfs who does an extremely good job, @tidetfs who seems to have pretty similar interests as me, and @alphajocklover who kinda does have that old tumblr tf community vibe to his stories !
Finally, a few mentions that I don't know how to group, I shoutout @dreamingtf and his stories that very often make me feel good, @idesofrevolution who has a nack of writing immersive stories, and @nonotnolan who writes some really sweet love stories ^^
(and I'll add an honorable mention to Programming Prince, who was banned multiple times from Tumblr, and since quit writing stories, but was very impactful in my introduction to the community ^^)
As for stories, well, you make me dig deeper, the list has already been so long to write ! But here are some of my all-time favorites, of which I link through my likes/main blog (so that if the link perishes, it perishes with that account ^^') :
@fullfriendnerdpurse's trio of alpha car, forced imposter and how to make a douchebag (not the actual title), all are great concepts of which I love to throw myself inside, and I think could all make a thrilling longer story,
@rozza22365's Brotherly Changes, that one story that convinced me to follow him,
@alphajocklover's Unmoved, which resonates with my personnal experiences a lot,
feu tyranitartf's I'm a dumb jock, very hypnotic and thrilling,
@anomanlyarchives' text message swap (not the actual title), of which I love the love story,
I-don't-remember-whom's Chess Rival, republished by @marcoh1234, a good all classic that just doesn't get old,
@erogenousmind's Turing, one of those stories that just scratches my existential horror erotica itch,
@0ng0ingw0rk's To Love and to Cherish..., a great love story,
@joshslater's Wet Dreams, the story I blame for my diaper fetish,
Happy Endings' The Mind Palace (gayspiralstories), honestly my favorite story of all times, I love the concept, love the execution, the sweetness and the corruption. I do an RP on it (or at least did until I took a break), and I think that's the one concept I won't be bored of ^^'
There's a buch of other stories I love and would love to show off better, but that list is already long enough, so I focused on the most impactful stories ^^'
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Groceries, Taxes, & Laundry (MSchmidt Fluff)
hey guys, it's me. i'm finally back. did y'all miss me? the writing of this is a lil diff, sooooo please enjoy and lmk what you think!
content: pure fluff yall.
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Grocery shopping with Mike Schmidt is… special, to say the least. He absolutely despises it. The dreaded time comes around at the end of every week, your vegetables in the fridge starting to wilt, the meat from the previous trip used up, and all of your snacks have been devoured from late night munchie runs to the pantry (xoxo i love gardening!!!). He knows it has to happen. He knows you’ll wake him up early on Sunday morning like always, because apparently it’s “better to get it out of the way,” which he thinks is, well, to put it lightly, utter bullcrap.
You’ll drag him and Abby out to your local grocery store, her drowsy and jittery all at the same time with the promise of pancakes from a local diner after. Once you arrive, you’ll pull out all of the far-too-expensive reusable bags out of the trunk of Mike’s dingy car, ready to fill them with the necessities. Why get those for 3 bucks when you can get the plastic ones for free? He’ll never understand your logic, something about saving the environment, but it’s okay, he loves you enough not to complain, at least out loud.
The fluorescent lights of the room filled with half asleep employees hits Mike’s eyes like he’s looking directly into the sun. He lets out a small grumbled sigh as he takes in the scent of sterile cleaning supplies and produce mixed in one, with the strange almost play doh like smell of the bakery. Your eyes cut over to him, eyebrows raised, Abby’s hand in yours as she rubs her droopy eyes. Mike can’t help but to crack a small smirk, his lips pursed together. “What?” he’ll question innocently, letting out a small snicker as you go deeper into the dreary establishment.
At the produce aisle, Mike shivers a little as the water from the misting sprinkler on the shelves hits his bare skin. He should’ve worn his jacket today, he usually does, and he’s regretting the one time he hasn’t. Your eyes are glancing over carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, and squash, all that are somehow both too ripe and too.. What's the word... unripe? Sure, he’ll go with that. His hand reaches out to grip yours in a gentle grasp as Abby points to a particularly fluffy bushel of broccoli. “I want that one! It looks like pretty trees,” she giggles out, finally starting to wake with the day. You let out a giggle of your own and Mike smiles because of how pretty your laugh is.
Next, you’re in the snack aisle, filling the cart with doritos, barbeque chips, pringles, salt and vinegar chips (mike gags when you eat them too close to him), peanut butter filled pretzels, whatever can go in Abby’s lunch box and whatever is tastiest. Mike insists on buying the cheap queso, his nose scrunching up at the price of the name brand one. He knows it doesn’t taste any different.
Now you’re looking at meats, finding chicken breasts and filets, steaks, pork, whatever was on your list from meal prepping. Yes, meal prepping, Mike did that now. Apparently stable people with stable lives who had stable relationships did that. He’d grown fond of sitting over a recipe book with you on Saturday nights, really, shoulder to shoulder, pressed up on the couch well after Abby had gone to bed. Something about it felt safe, a kind of domestic feeling he wasn’t used to.
You’re basically done now, and he couldn’t be more relieved as you make your way towards the dairy section. He grabs a few things, string cheese, yogurt, cream cheese, cheese slices for sandwiches for work. Oh, did he mention he works in construction now? It’s stable, makes good money, and he’s home on time to see you, to be a husband-not-yet-husband (he plans to propose soon, but that’s another story), a brother-more-like-a-father, a person with a regular schedule. He looks over at you, watching as you and Abby skim over the different selections of chocolate and strawberry milk, finally settling on a carton of strawberry. He once again scrunches his nose, smiling all at once. “Nasty,” he mumbles out. Abby playfully hits his arm and you lean in for a kiss.
Finally, thank god, you push the cart towards the bakery section, grabbing bread and a sweet treat or two for the week. Cookies, a birthday cake for no particular reason, cheese danishes, whatever his little family was feeling for the week, that’s what it’d be. This week, it was a huge box of chocolate chip cookies and some kind of cherry pastry he’d never had before. You three finally head to checkout, where everything is stuck in those stupid reusable bags and the price of everything you got feels obscenely huge for what’s in your cart, but he pays it anyway. Walking to the car, in the trunk the groceries go as you all climb in one by one, ready to head for pancakes.
As he reverses the car out of his good (only because it was so goddamn early) parking spot, he can’t help but sigh, this time with contentment as Abby rambles on about a new imaginary (hopefully) friend, your own grin wide as you ask questions, making sure she feels heard. “I love you guys, love doing things with you guys,” Mike mumbles out, reaching his hand over to your thigh as he glances back at Abby too. And it was true, he’d do anything with you two. Hell, if all his life consisted of grocery shopping, taxes, and laundry? Yeah, he’d be ok with that too.
#mike schmidt x reader#mike schmidt fluff#mike schmidt smut#mike schmidt#mike schmidt fic#mike schmidt blurb#josh hutcherson#josh hutcherson smut#josh hutcherson fluff#josh hutcherson x reader#mike schmidt imagine#josh hutcherson imagine#josh hutcherson fanfic
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the self-destructive habits of a hopeless romantic ~ j. hughes
synopsis: monetizing one's self-sabotaging habits, surprisingly, has its downfalls. one of them being leaving that one attractive hockey player that is an absolute gentleman who loves you with his whole entire heart.
warnings: self-sabotage, self-deprecation, angsty (but with happy ending)
word count: 3425 words
note: once again unedited but i wanted to get this one out there
???'s pov
time and time again, the world has seen the self destructive habits of humans. well, that makes it seem serious. the world has seen the countless missed opportunities due to a fear of another's reaction. the world has seen the blunders due to saving face. the world has seen the heartbreaks due to miscommunication. time and time again, the world has seen how people sabotage their own lives for the dumbest reasons.
esther graham was no different.
in fact, she capitalized on her ability to put herself into the worst emotional distress possible. every heartbreak produced a great work of literature that would nearly sell out in bookstores all over the northeast. she wasn't a new york times best seller by any means, but she was a small town writer from mont vernon, new hampshire. she made a name for herself during her time at hamilton college in their creative writing program. in her junior year of college, she published her first book, woes of a teenage failure, a novel following what could have been for a young college drop out named sophia. the book was a hit amongst her peers and professors, and by word of mouth, ended up selling 200 copies. the book, as ms. graham remarked, was her own "what-if" story, as she almost dropped out of college the beginning of her sophomore year.
and how do i know so much about ms. graham?
well, because i am ms. esther graham.
and i'm here to tell you all about the biggest blunder of my life.
after my first book, i hit major writing block. i would stare at my computer screen for hours just to delete the only three words that i could come up with. i would sit in coffee shops, pen in hand, ready for inspiration to strike, and yet, nothing. i was nearing the end of my college career, riding on the coattails of my first and only book's success, and couldn't figure out how to continue. my professors taught me plenty of ways to try and combat writer's block, but nothing worked.
until i met ryan. a devilishly handsome man all the way from the cheese state of wisconsin, who was meeting up with some college friends for the annual boston beanpot. we had our meet cute at a nearby pizza joint, in which i sat down and started chatting with him, thinking he was a publisher that i was supposed to meet with. after realizing my blunder when he had absolutely no idea what an anthology was, he asked if i wanted to join him and his friends at the beanpot, as one of their friends had cancelled, leaving them with an extra ticket.
ryan and i dated for four months. we would take turns traveling between my college in new york and his in wisconsin until eventually it became too much, or should i say, too little for him, and he broke it off. in my rage and complete depression from the breakup, i wrote my next hit, until the sun sets, a 142-page anthology of gut-wrenching poems, which was eventually integrated into hamilton college's curriculum for their young adult modern literature class. i was quite proud of that.
after that, i found myself yet again staring at blanks screens and empty notepads.
that is, until chloe. a beautiful new york native whom i had actually met while dating ryan. she was a hostess at a restaurant ryan and i would always go to. she was pursuing her masters in psychology, which gave me fascinating insights and tactics to use in my books. we were never officially together, but we had something for almost three months before she was whisked off by some californian named ella. i never saw her again, which prompted my next book, the ninth floor, a murder mystery following a closeted lesbian couple in 1940's hollywood (it was one of the girlfriends the whole time).
at this point, when i hit a creative block for the third time, i realized that i needed my heart or brain to be in absolute shambles in order to produce my best work. i needed to be at some sort of life crisis, and the easiest way to do so was to love another and let that love be ripped out of your life.
so, i began dating for the sake of my career. it was like i sought out the most manipulative, scummy people in the world who were able to get away with it just because they were attractive. over the course of a year, my first year out of college, i dated a total of three men and one woman, and poured my emotions out into a collection of short stories titled lavender.
and that was when i met jack.
i was in new jersey for a book signing at this little bookstore which, as it turns out, was right by the prudential center. as i left the bookstore, i was nearly run over by an overly excited man-child with a giant bag slung upon his shoulder.
"luke, watch out, you nearly killed that woman!" a voice yelled from where the man came from.
"i'm so sorry about that miss, my brother can get a bit overexcited sometimes." looking at the person talking to me, i found a young, very attractive brunet with the most adorable smile. i straightened myself up instinctively, wanting to appear presentable.
"no worries. if you don't mind me asking, what got him so riled up that he almost trampled me?" the man let out a laugh at my statement.
"of course, we owe you at least that much for your near-death experience. he just got nominated for the calder trophy." he explained, as if those words meant anything to me. seeing my blank stare, he clarified. "a rookie of the year award. we play for the new jersey devils." the boy in question came up and joined us, grinning ear to ear.
"ahhh, i see. i'm not a big hockey watcher, which i know is absolute blasphemy for someone who grew up in new hampshire." his jaw nearly dropped.
"you're from up here and don't like hockey? we have to change that." he exclaimed. in my peripheral vision, i could see his brother trying to hide his laughter at his brother's forwardness.
"ill have to come and watch a game sometime." i mused.
"we have a game coming up next week against the blue jackets. i could maybe snatch you a seat in exchange for your number." he proposed. his brother snorted at that, having to turn around to hide his obvious laughter. the man paid his brother no mind, just looking at me with a big smile on his face.
"trying to bribe me mister?"
"is it working?" i put my hand out and he immediately put his phone in my hand, adding my information into his contacts.
"esther? that's nice, you look like a esther." i quirked an eyebrow at him, but continued on anyways.
"and you? what should i call you?"
"call me yours. or jack, either works." the brother was doubled over on the floor at this point, jack finally acknowledging him by kicking him slightly, making him fall over.
"anyways, ms. esther, we have to get going, but ill see you next week at our game." he put out his hand for me to shake.
"you've got yourself a deal jack."
and just like that, jack and i started talking. his eagerness was cute, he texted me no more than ten minutes after meeting me. we talked every day, mainly on calls, asking each other questions and such to get to know each other.
and sure enough, the next week, i found myself back in new jersey watching the brothers play. i assumed jack was going to be some sort of benchwarmer or something, but that didn't seem to be the case. despite my lack of hockey knowledge, i could tell the boy was good, and he had quite a fan base if the amount of women wearing his jersey meant anything. and i felt severely out of place, simply wearing a grey sweater and jeans, unlike everyone else in the stands, decked out in red.
after that, i found myself going to a couple more hockey games, for no particular reason. jack would try to explain the game over video calls and our occasional coffee meet ups, but i couldn't for the life of me wrap my head around it. why do they all get off the ice every five seconds? and what the hell is offsides?? jack always laughed at my confusion, telling me that i'd get it one day.
we spent a couple months thriving off of video chats and once-in-a-blue-moon hangouts, until i got a job as an editor for a local paper. i was good at editing, always having good grammar and an eye for design, but it wasn't my dream. despite it not being my dream, i needed a stable income, and fast. my mind was devoid of ideas, and it didn't seem like that would change any time soon.
plus, it helped that this stable income happened to be in new york city, putting me a lot closer to a certain someone. and, with me being closer, that certain someone would pop on by a lot more than before. and eventually, chinese takeout dinners turned into staying the night, which turned into coming up for the weekend, which turned into the line of friendship being crossed into something more.
and then, i made the dumbest mistake of my life.
i let him go.
now, i know what you must be thinking. he must have done something wrong, he must have cheated or neglected me or done something so completely unforgivable that i would just throw away the most amazing thing in my life. and i wish i was here to tell you that was the truth.
but it wasn't.
jack was nothing but a gentleman, and i was just a broken girl doing the only thing i knew how to do: leave. i like to tell myself that it was for my career, that i needed to write another book, that i wasn't fulfilled in my job and that i was putting myself first by doing this, but i was perfectly content with my life. i was an editor for a major publishing company, i started writing little happy poems about my mundane life with jack, and wanted nothing more. i had no reason to run away. i just woke up in his bed one day and realized that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and i couldn't accept that. i had gotten so used to leaving people that i assumed that they would leave me if i hadn't done so first, and i couldn't lose the one real thing i ever had.
so naturally, my self-destructive, self-sabotaging self let him go, the exact opposite of what i wanted.
and when i got back to my apartment after writing jack a confusing and half-assed letter, i cried. i cried and cried and cried, and i always wrote about characters crying until they couldn't anymore, but that day, i couldn't find the end to my tears. for hours tears would either slowly leak or violently pour from my eyes, and they never did end, not even when i passed out on my couch from exhaustion.
and after a week, i was expecting to pick myself up and start writing my next best seller, coping with my writing. but i sat there, and my florescent computer screen simply sat there, staring back at me. and when i left my apartment for a change of scenery, the blank pages of my notebook mocked me. i flipped through past works, all of them being little poems about jack, and the waterworks continued, right in the middle of a starbucks.
after a week and four days, i couldn't take it. i had to make things right, i had to at least see him. it always worked in the books, right? someone makes a huge mistake, they break up, they see each other again and realize they're both miserable without each other and then get back together and live happily ever after.
when i knocked on the door to jack's apartment, i was met with an unimpressed looking luke. at the sight of him, the waterworks started up again.
"you're an idiot, you know that?" i nodded furiously at this, sobs wrecking through my body. i couldn't see through the tears in my eyes, but i could tell the luke hadn't moved a muscle.
"he deserved better and you know that." i felt my soul being crushed. "i mean, a letter? seriously esther? and a half-assed one at that. i know damn well you don't have a degree in creative writing for that bullshit."
i opened my mouth to explain, but nothing came up. what would i say, that i was a broken person? cop out. that i did it to everyone? not much better. that i got scared? fucking coward.
"if you think that you deserve to see my brother, then i'll let you in." he told me, moving out of the way, door open wide. i just stood there, staring at him through teary eyes. my brain cheered, finally able to go in, but my feet wouldn't move.
my heart still clenched and ached, and with every thought of moving forward, into that apartment, it hurt more. jack didn't deserve this. after all the nights of him reading my poems about him and praising my work, after all the sweet things he'd say when i was down, after all the little acts of kindness he showed me, after all the love he poured into us, he didn't deserve to be broken by me. hurt people hurt people, the scholars had that right. he didn't deserve to be broken.
and so, i got ready to leave, again.
"i'm sorry." was all i said, turning around with heavy legs and a heavy heart. i heard luke let out a sigh as i walked away, closing the door behind him.
a couple of days went by and i found myself back at their apartment. i knew they wouldn't be there, they had an away game in anaheim the night before, and i knew from my time with jack that they would always spend the night in the city before coming back, especially after a win, a 5-0 win no less.
i stood there in front of their door, a small box in my hands, contemplating. jack didn't deserve this, but a selfish part of me needed this. i placed the box gingerly outside of their door and left the building. if the box was taken by some nosy neighbor, or thrown in the trash by some janitor, then it would be fate. it would be a sign to move on. but, there was a chance that jack and luke would come back to their apartment, and would pick up the box, and jack would recognize my handwriting. and, instead of throwing the box in the trash like any normal self-respecting person receiving a box from their shitty ex, he would take it to his room, and open it up to see my notebook, with a bookmark starting at the pages when i first started seeing him. and he would read the poems and maybe, just maybe, he'd see the note written on the bookmark to meet me at the park near his apartment, and maybe, just maybe, he'd be willing to hear me out.
i went to that park every single day for exactly one month and six days, always arriving by 1 pm, never late. and i would stay there until 4 pm, waiting.
on the 37th day, i was sitting there, editing, funnily enough, a sports column about the recent devils and islanders game. i watched it, absolutely terrible game it was, the islanders beating the devils for the first time in the season. our sports journalist, while passionate and very knowledgeable about seemingly every sport out there, had a knack for writing long, run-on sentences that reflected his rambling nature. as i sat there on the same park bench i had been sitting on for the previous 36 days, a figure stopped in front of me. i finished up the sentence i was working on before looking up.
and while i hate cliches, the wind was absolutely knocked out of my lungs.
"h-hey jack." i started, immediately putting away my work, giving him my full attention.
"hey esther." a shiver ran down my spine from him just saying my name. it had been so long, and while it lost its loving tone, i welcomed it with open arms. jack moved, taking the spot next to me, looking out at the trees in front of us. when it became apparent he wasn't going to say anything, i started the conversation.
"i see you read the notebook."
"i finished it three weeks ago." he replied, voice lacking its usual emotion. tears welled up in my eyes. three weeks.
"oh."
"i came here immediately after finishing it." i felt my eyes bulge out of their sockets at that. he continued, "i went to that bench over there and watched as you fidgeted in your spot, looking frantically at everyone who passed by. i watched the next day as you sat in the pouring rain with no umbrella. i sat over on that bench every day that i was here since reading your notebook."
a silence fell upon us, my mind reeling, trying to figure out what he was trying to say, from his emotionless face to the fact that he came.
"do you know how much it hurt? waking up to empty sheets and some half-assed note with the lamest excuses on earth?" i hadn't really paid mind to the tears rolling down my cheeks until he brought that up, sending me back to that morning, quickly scribbling out some gibberish before leaving the best part of my life behind.
"i was going to wait another month, y'know. to see if you were still gonna come here every day."
"so why didn't you?" i asked, sniffling intensely, trying to calm down my sobs.
"luke said i was absolutely miserable without you. coach told me i wasn't focused. my teammates pointed out that i barely left my apartment. the icing on the cake was when my mom started asking if you would be coming over to the lakehouse this summer. i realized, as pathetic as it seems, that i can't live without you."
my attempts at stopping my crying were thrown out the window at that. i could probably fill the hudson river with the amount of tears i had shed over the past two months.
"how can i make it up to you. please, please let me make it up to you." i begged, fully facing him, my hands angrily playing with the sleeves of my shirt because if i didn't, i would be reaching out to the man in front of me.
"never pull that shit again." he bargained, looking me dead in the eyes for the first time in months. and in that moment, i saw just how bad he was doing. sunken eyes with heavy bags, his skin dull, hair slightly unkempt under his hat.
"never again." i promised, putting out my pinky to him, something he would always do when he promised me to not get hurt in games. he let out a hoarse laugh, looking away from me, and when he looked back, i saw the tears brewing in his eyes. he took my pinky in his and held it there, between us.
"now, i'm not gonna just take you right back after all that. that was really shitty and i need some time to get over that. but, as i've found out, i can't really function without you. so maybe you could start with coming to my games again, and i could take you out for coffee next week."
"sounds perfect."
i accepted my life as an editor for the local newspaper, accepted that i probably wouldn't write another page-turning sell-out book, accepted that i was completely content with whatever happened to me, so long as jack was there with me.
and with that, my self-destructive, soul-crushing, heart-breaking tendencies reached their end.
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Kipperlily just kinda sucks now.
Spoilers for Fantasy High Junior Year, as of episode 16.
I, personally, have not been on the *hate kipperlily* train. I've been looking forward to her pretty much since we met her, a passive-aggressively busybody, a mean girl Riz. Is she evil? Is she just nasty? Will she eventually team up with the bad kids? Ect. And I'd like to say that now I just kinda don't care anymore, she's just... She's not fun to speculate about anymore. I have some info I think people aren't considering, so please read, and I'm also not complaining about the *writing* or Brennan's choices. This is a perfectly logical reveal, doesn't contrast anything, and I'm still excited to see the season unfold. But in terms of kipperlily lore I'm good, she's not potential anymore, she's just kinda shitty. Sorry she's a rage rez now, hope she gets better but kinda fuck her in general now.
Let me be clear, for all those *wildly* speculating about her motivations or making her into something she's not: she is just plain, jealous, full stop, when it comes to tragedy. She is not attuned to larger magical events, she does not have a point, she is fucking *wrong.* Why is she wrong? Consider the main thing she's upset about; that Riz has an adventure advantage because his dad was eaten by Kalvaxis, so he's motivated to adventure more than a normal person.
Let me remind 'yall real quick Riz *did not know* this had happened. Riz, thought his dad was just as relatively 'normal' as kipperlily's. He found out his dad was an agent *halfway through the year* and died in the service, and found out it was *Kalvaxis* that killed him, let me fucking remind you, in the finale from the dragon himself. Kipperlily, has known this for most of freshman year and hated Riz for it. This means she dug up *extremely traumatic* information on a fellow student and proceeded to project her insecurities on him, seeing him as having an advantage in life, while that kid *did not know* any of this and thought his dad, I don't know, died in a car crash or something.
She's wrong from the jump. She digs into people's personal shit for her own *satisfaction*, makes sweeping assumptions about people she doesn't even bother to talk to, and rails against the system for not being fair and rewarding her for *not* experiencing a tragedy. Love Brennan, love this story, fuck kipperlily. She is *not* a sympathetic suffering queen she has toxic insecurities and of all people *Jawbone* has been ineffective at clocking and addressing this problem. I'm all for people who need help getting it but it doesn't make her any less of a creep.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#dnd#fantasy high junior year#riz gukgak#pok gukgak#kipperlilly copperkettle
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Hi sorry, I'm ill about the soul vulture arc again. Because q!Bad made choices in his grief, in his rage, thinking he will never feel an ounce of happiness again because he thought his kids were dead. Q!Bad's Acceptance was never of accepting that grief and learning to live after it, but rather, it was the silent admission that his children were dead and there was nothing he could do. No rage, no monster, no demon, no power in heaven or hell could bring them back. It was Acceptance. But the cruel twist of fate was the fact that he was wrong. Pomme, Dapper, and the other eggs were alive, actually. By the time he found out, however, it was already too late. He was long gone, and every choice has a consequence, and he suffered the consequences of his choices like hell.
Q!Bad was dead long before he fell in the lavender field one hundred feet away from the house his children built. One hundred steps away from his sleeping children he fought so hard to keep safe, under all costs. He died the night they were taken away, because they were his soul, his happiness. Everything that mattered in the millenia he's existed, nothing could compare to his children. He died that night; and all those months where it seemed like he was alive, where he was "healing" was the grim reaper bargaining with himself to hold on a little longer for his children.
Q!Bad loved Dapper and Pomme, and Richas, and all the eggs- he loved them so much it hurt. He loved them so much that love became his hell- his purgatory. Q!Bad loved them until the moment he finally stepped in his grave and couldn't bargain any more.
He deteriorated for months. He was literally melting from the inside. The vultures pecked at his body and fractured his soul. The radiation melted the skin off his limbs, and the brain inside his skull. It hurt like no other death, but if it meant seeing his kids for one more day, then that hell was more than worth it. And the physical pain wasn't the worst of it- no, eventually, he forgot his children's names, their faces, he forgot his own name, and he forgot himself. Memories slipping away like lost fragments of time. Until his death, when he was barely himself anymore.
People noticed, but never really did anything to stop it did they? I mean, who are we kidding, even if anyone spoke up, nothing they could have done would have prevented the inevitable. Dapper knew the fate his father subjected himself to. She knew what scars from soul vultures looked like, and she tried to find a cure. He tried, when he still had his lab, but there was never enough time. No science or magic could ever remedy what was already destined to happen.
And Pomme, sweet Pomme, stayed with her father until the end. She gave him health potions- "medicine"- to help his ailments. And she had so much hope she lived in denial- she thought he was getting better. But the truth is that the memory lapses and the illness never ceased because no medicine could ever resurrect a fractured soul clinging on to his deceased body.
Then Q!Bad finally relinquished himself to the sweet mercy of death. And when he arrived, he found the promise of paradise- the promise of Home, where he would never have had to suffer a painful hell again. But he chose to come back to live and to suffer once more because this time, his children were waiting on the other side. For the first time, the scales were balanced, and his happiness was halved because he had a home that was worth living in, and a life that was worth living. For the first time in the millennia q!bad had been alone, he had love. And that was enough.
The story has always been about love and loss, and the beauty of love and life, despite that loss. That's why the soul vultures arc is my favorite, and also why I nearly cried halfway through writing this. Because love thrives in spite of the loss, and the grief, and the personal hell. When death comes, and it always does, and time has eroded every portrait, or photograph, or memory- all that is left is love. And that love is hope, as well as grief. It is joy and sadness. It is heaven and hell. It is simply love.
#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#badboyhalo#qsmp dapper#qsmp pomme#qsmp analysis#character analysis#i had a shit day and i actually did start crying after writing this man ansndnfnfnend#anyways...soul vulture arc my beloved#it was death and love and hope and horror all tied up in a beatifully devastating tragedy#tw death#tw gore#<-slightly mentioned#sorry its been 2 fucking months and im still not over it#long post#qsmp richarlyson#qsmp eggs
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do you happen to have any other bls with toxic kings up your sleeve? i’m as giddy as you when it comes to ming! i’m newer to bls, so there’s a good chance i haven’t seen whatever you suggest.
Anon, I have an entire roster of toxic characters because
I LOVE TOXIC BITCHES!
Like 2 Chainz rapped on one of my favorite songs, "I love bad bitches, that's my fuckin' problem" which is why I HATE when a story won't allow characters to be toxic. Like we all know the character IS toxic, but the story keeps telling us he isn't that bad or he is only that bad because reasons. Regardless of the reasons, the character is a bad bitch so why not just let him fucking own it, which is truly the reason Only Friends pissed me off so much.
Case and point, my favorite characters were Ray and Nick. Ray was calling Sand a whore every two seconds and throwing money at him, while Nick was recording non-consexual sex tapes, yet the narrative wanted me to think they were just sad dudes who were slightly problematic.
NAH! Nick straight up said he was trash! THEY WERE TOXIC just like everyone else in that damn show!
Which is why I liked Kang in Dangerous Romance because I don't feel like the narrative eased up on his toxicity. In fact, I feel like the story said Sailom was into it with that master/servant scene at the very end.
So in order for me to love a toxic character, they must 1) be considered toxic by the story, and 2) stay toxic, so I'm going to give you a list of ten of my favorites, but know that spoilers are coming your way too. Also know that I do not recommend anything, ever, so these are not recommendations. These are merely my favorite toxicitos.
Mis tóxicos favoritos
presented in no particular order
Todd - Not Me
This man had his lover (it's canon to me) beat into a coma. Then, he went and grabbed that man's twin brother and made him take on his lover's persona all so he could overthrow his competition and be the number one evil capitalist. And then, AND THEN, he was excited to see his lover, Black, return even though he knew that meant he was probably going to die. Honestly, his entire relationship with Black was toxic, and I desperately need more of it. Not Me 2: Blackout when? WHEN, GMMTV?!
Rio & Kido - The Novelist Series
Rio blew Kido in front of an old man in broad daylight, so they could get a book deal. That's just one of the many fucked up things these two did together, but they were even worse apart. Rio lied to a college student for months about his arm being injured and writing pornographic novels just to turn on the college student and fuck him because . . . he was bored? It's deeper than that, but it kinda ain't. Rio and Kido did toxic shit to feel alive and that's my special brand of toxic. I will never make excuses for them. I like them this way.
Yai - Big Dragon
The very beginning of this show, as in the very first scene, is Yai and Mangkorn having sex AFTER Yai drugged Mangkorn in hopes of sexually assaulting him and recording it. AND MANGKORN IS INTO IT! Yai tries to steal Mangkorn's phone and ruin his life too, but Mangkorn is so in love with Yai, that he is willing to play along with whatever Yai does including fighting Yai. This is one of my favorite BLs for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest is because instead of trying to tame Yai, Mangkorn just decided to match his toxic energy! I love that for them.
Songpol - Club Friday
Bank plays toxic very well, which is why he has two characters on this list, even though this show isn't technically a BL. Club Friday is already a hot mess express, so to be the most toxic character in a show filled with toxic characters means that Songpol was TOK-SICK! He cheated on his boyfriend with multiple men. When his boyfriend left him for a woman, he showed up outside of that woman's house calling her a whore. He then went to their wedding just so he could fuck his ex in a bathroom (on his wedding day). He continued to hook up with his ex, and sent a video to his ex's wife of them having sex, only for her to tell him to move into the house and continue having sex with her husband! AND THAT'S ONLY THE SECOND EPISODE! He was serving telenovela villain, and I want him back.
Vegas - KinnPorsche
The scene: Vegas' beloved hedgehog has just died and he has carried out a tiny funeral for him while the bodyguard he has been holding hostage AND TORTURING comforts him, but instead of sitting in that grief, Vegas tells the bodyguard that the bodyguard is probably turned on by seeing Vegas weak, then proceeds to fuck him. Skipping over the fact that Vegas drugged Porsche, killed Tawan, got Big and Ken murdered by extension, and a plethora of other horrible shit, Vegas was a HUGE red flag from the very beginning, and I wanted him to choke me so badly. *bites knuckles*
Charn - Laws of Attraction
He had his reasons, but the story and his husband didn't let that be an excuse for his toxic behavior. He tried burning down Tinn's house, with Tinn and his grandmother in it, and Tinn was very upset about it. Not enough to not sleep with Charn, but enough to get his point across that if Charn wanted to burn something down, he needed to focus on burning down the oppressive heteronormative government, so we could all have basic human rights. Toxic, but for the cause.
Chalothon - The Sign
I knew he was a problem because the way he handled his patients, but he truly proved how toxic he was when he told Phaya he would kill Tharn before letting Phaya have him. I'm mad that the show made him good in the last episode, with most of if being off-screen, but I'll always remember how he committed psychological warfare on Phaya for eleven episodes in hopes of making Phaya seem crazy, and actually made Tharn, Phaya's soulmate, question Phaya's sanity.
Mol - 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us
The only woman on this list and she isn't even queer. That's how toxic this chick was that she made it on a this list being a heterosexual, which was a major part of her toxicity. She is a top-tier gaslighter to her son. She doesn't actually consider Inn her friend. She uses feminist rhetoric to be homophobic. She manipulates every situation in her favor by using tears. I could write a list just about her being lead paint toxic, but the most fucked up part is that she got to ride off into the sunset with her son in the passenger seat being miserable, which is what she wanted. No other BL parent could reach her level. Korn and Gun from KinnPorsche exist, yet this woman would eat them alive without hesitation, then go throw a party for herself. She really is that bitch.
Yong Jie - HIStory 4: Close to You
I'm not going to bullshit around him being a whole ass problem. This motherfucker is the most controversial pick on this list, and I am well aware of why he is hated by the people, but the story told us he was the devil. The show treated everything he did like stalking, physical assault, and sexual assault as horrible, and he got knocked out for it. HIStory 4 is my favorite BL, ever, and part of it is because the story let this toxic motherfucker BE toxic. I love how much I hate him, and I love how much the story allows me to hate him.
So - House of Stars
This show was a mess, so I was not expecting this man to come out as THE toxic king to rule over every other toxic character. What made him so toxic is that I had no idea just how toxic he was until the exact moment I realized it, and that's why he is one of my favorites. He was sneaky. He was playing everyone against each other. He was letting the bodies stack up. He was Tan from Dead Friend Forever without anyone figuring out he was Tan. One person realized part of his plan, but even then, that person was not aware of how committed to the bit So was. This smile was the very last scene of the show, and it really proved that this boy ruined everyone's lives only to walk out of it completely unbothered. You know, king shit.
#toxic kings#I love toxic bitches#it's the unhinged behavior and mind games that always gets me#house of stars#history 4: close to you#180 degree longitude passes through us#club friday#kinnporsche#big dragon#laws of attraction#the sign#not me#the novelist
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I just got a comment saying I should have tagged for dom/sub undertones and I'm a little confused. In canon, this guy always bosses his wife around re: doing shit that's healthy for her - napping, drinking water, remembering to eat more than once a day, getting more than 3 hours of sleep - and she lovingly calls him "Boss Man" as a nickname because of it. On some occasions where she's gone more than a day without eating he'll swipe her phone and order her to eat before she gets it back, something she always seems to find endearing. There's a lot of 'I didn't mean to worry you', 'you're worth worrying about, now here's your favorite homemade walnut bread' stuff, all there in canon, just lifted from canon and transplanted into my fic.
Is this dom/sub stuff? I'm aroace so I've never been in a relationship, but I assumed "take care of yourself" "I will but I will call you a silly nickname over it" was regular relationship stuff. Or is it that the frequency of it makes it dom/sub stuff, and I'm just not grasping that because my neurodivergency is making me not read the social cues correctly? I was only recently diagnosed but this has been a problem for a long time, the whole line between normal and abnormal behavior, so I thought I'd ask you. You're much more well-read than I am and know a lot more about shipping dynamics and how they're tagged. I feel like you're an expert whose opinion carries a lot of conclusions-informed-by-knowledge and so your take could help me figure this out.
People who are doms or subs or write them, if you have a guide on this stuff, that'd be cool, too. I want to educate myself more so I know if I should tag something. After all, I can't get my story to people who want to read it if it doesn't show up in the tags they're searching for. Readers aren't mindreaders. It's on me to make sure they can get ahold of the things they're looking for. I just need to work around my own ADHD-addled brain to do it.
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I think this is the usual pattern of demanding silly tags that would only make sense in that reader's own bookmarks.
Yes, caretaking and food control of various kinds can be a part of BDSM. No, your description of canon does not make it sound like this has obvious undertones.
Readers are going to have different interpretations. It's possible that other readers would agree with this one. I have my doubts. I suspect they're projecting. But sure, maybe other people would think there was some of that vibe.
However, if you did not intend the fic to read this way, I would not add the tag. This is not what the fic is about.
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As for what this kind of thing can look like when it is intended as a dom/sub activity, the movie Secretary has a bunch of examples. She calls him on the phone to tell him what her family's dinner looks like that night; he gives her instructions about which things she can eat how much of. The way she acts while making that phone call makes it clear it's an exciting game to her. Another time, he tells her she's not allowed to cut herself anymore: he will provide what she needs.
Even if the characters are being playful, just nagging someone to do basic self care doesn't really come across as this. It's more charged when it's an intentional power exchange thing.
It's more like... hmm... if you and a friend agreed to LARP as characters for a day. Even if you were acting fairly normal and doing things you'd often do anyway, there would be this added extra vibe to it that someone who knew you well could probably detect.
It's not so much about the specific behaviors: it's about the extra meaning those people ascribe to them. If it doesn't seem like the canon characters think of this caretaking any specific way and you, as the fic author, don't see it that way, then I don't think it will generally read as a dom/sub thing to most readers.
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some Thoughts on chapter 13 now that i've finished:
I LOVE HOEDERER.... i already did but like. Really enjoyable to get his POV in this event and see more of his inner thoughts and motivations. I'm fond of characters who are so tired and worn down and jaded, but manage to hold onto some scrap of hope regardless, even against their own better judgment. A lot like Mlynar in that way, tbh.
regrettably this chapter sold me on hoederines a little. i'm CONFLICTED because i love wines so much, dammit. (and manhoe, but there's not as much of a conflict with my headcanons there.) But their relationship is so good regardless of whether you read it as romantic or platonic.
speaking of, Ines was a delight in this chapter. Love her role as the resident non-Sarkaz Sarkaz who is completely unaffected by whatever arcane bullshit is getting to Hoederer and W in any given moment, so she can yell at them to snap out of it and save all of their lives lmao. I love her deep loyalty and care for them that she expresses in everything but words. ugh ugh i love her
the little subplot with Vendela and the Sarkaz commander who tried to keep her safe was sweet and sad, I wish he'd gotten a unique sprite at least. I kind of want to see her meet Flamebringer now and her reaction to the friendship between him and Perfumer... I feel like there's some parallels there.
We're starting to see some payoff to the buildup with Siege in this arc, and I'm so glad! I've never really understood the hate her arc gets - I know it's partly that I'm biased, she was my first 6* so I'm rather fond of her, and I just really like the whole concept of the Glasgow Gang. And I think it doesn't help that ch12 was (imo) the weakest part of act 2 so far. But also, it was always really clear to me that we've been just... laying the groundwork with her up til now, I didn't really expect her to have big moments or turning points yet? Idk. i kind of want to write a whole post about her arc and my thoughts on it at some point. BUT, I really liked her in ch13, seeing her start to really come into her own and how all the events of act 2 up until now have shaped her decisions.
I'M REALLY SAD ABOUT GUARD ACTUALLY??? :( Tbh I have not really cared much about New!Reunion until this chapter, except for Talulah, but I'm finally getting invested. And Talulah's confrontation with Eblana was AMAZING. I've always seen her as a foil to Talulah - while Talulah started down her path with good intentions and ideals, Dublinn seems to have been like late-stage Reunion from the very start, because Eblana has always cared more about seeking power than about the oppression of the people around her. SO FUCKING SATISFYING to see Talulah, of all people, calling her out on that, and protecting Reunion from her. I really hope we get more of these two in future, and also more Reed in main story please please pleeeaseee.
This chapter was wonderfully cohesive with the themes of tradition and bloodlines vs forging a new path. Siege, Delphine and Horn, all beginning to break away from their inherited roles in Victoria's hegemony and fight on their own terms instead. The Kazdel flashbacks, the spacetime feranmut, and Hoederer's POV - a character who wants to see a better future for Kazdel, while still remembering and learning from its past. Nine, Guard and Talulah dealing with what Reunion means as a symbol, and figuring out what it should become. Shining and Nightingale, confronting the Confessarii and their own past. Even Vendela, having to let go of the life and traditions she'd grown up in, the townspeople clinging to familiarity and the hope that things would go back to normal to the point that it was literally going to kill them. The confrontation with the Sanguinarch was such a great culmination of all of this, with his fixation on blood purity and the glorious lost past of the Teekaz. And he's defeated by several people who all soundly reject his vision of what the Sarkaz "should" be - Amiya, the outblood King; Logos, who does have a "pure" bloodline by the Sanguinarch's standards but refuses to be defined by the role he inherited; Hoederer and W, two of the mixed-race "commoner" Sarkaz he's so contemptuous of (and Hoederer specifically rejecting the idea that the Sarkaz's destiny must always be soaked in blood); Ines, who isn't a Sarkaz at all, except she is, because her family is Sarkaz, and she's always going to be one of them. It was! So fucking good!
#arknights#i need to properly write up my thoughts on act 2 in general at some point but.#CH13 WAS REALLY GOOD
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Color Moments in Two Worlds Episode 7
I don't know what the hell happened to the subs this week but the colors were coloring and the plot was plotting and that is all that matters!
Last week we got to see the love story between Tai and his Kram and as I suspected, current Kram has now acquired all those memories, as well as the knowledge of what happened to his parents in this world.
It's all too much, so he takes his painting of Tai with him and appears to be fully prepared to go with Phupha to Bangkok, but I don't fool that easily. Because as he's in his depressed earth tones, he's flanked by his warmth.
And once he unfurls the painting and reads the writing on the back, he gets his head on straight, the last of his uncertainty fades away, and he finally realizes his feelings!
He runs back to his true love Tai and after a beautiful mutual confession, they snuggle on their warm and cool couch.
After sleeping attached to Tai like a baby koala all night, the next morning Kram is back in his warm yellow.
And Tai is back in his cool blue.
Unfortunately, this moment of domestic bliss is interrupted by a wounded Wayu who tells them that Phupha has been kidnapped. But once again, I can't be fooled! Because even though Phupha and his also kidnapped dad were in dire straits, Phupha was bathed in Tai's blue and Kram's yellow so I knew rescue was coming.
We finally learn that Phupha's aunt is the one who's been out to get him this whole time. She knows that he is not his father Adisak's biological son and believes that she, as Adisak's sister, deserves to be her brother's successor instead.
As Phupha and his dad are waiting for rescue, Phupha asks how long his dad has known that they aren't related. Adisak tells him that Phupha's mother wrote him a confession letter before she took her own life when Phupha was seven years old.
His mother was in a relationship with Wiroj, Phupha's biological father. Wiroj, a closeted gay man, couldn't return her affections despite her best efforts to please him and match his white. He tells her that he's in love with Adisak, which ends the relationship.
But when Wiroj gathers the courage to finally go and confess to Adisak, he finds Phupha's mother has entered into a relationship with him. Together in matching blue, they tell Wiroj that they're expecting a child.
*pauses to cry on the floor for a little bit because Wiroj never got to tell Adisak that he loved him and Adisak loved and raised the child of the man who loved him as his own everything is fine I'm fine*
@respectthepetty Sadly, Jao and Wayu still haven't made out. They also didn't match this week but we kinda forgive them because Jao is still letting go of his feelings for Tai and Wayu had a brush with death. BUT THEY BETTER MAKE OUT NEXT WEEK! YOU HEAR ME, SHOW?!
On the plus side, the lighting is making it look like Kram is in his yellow and Tai's blue.
Tai rescues Phupha as I knew he would and he keeps his promise to return to Kram as I knew he would. He asks Kram to do the ash exchange with him and even though he tells Kram to take his time and think about his answer, we all know what that answer is going to be.
Because Kram is in Tai's blue and the stitching on his lapel, the patch on his sleeve, and his necklace all match Tai's red!
Despite whatever madness comes our way next, COLOR CODED MATCHING BOYS IN LOVE GET HAPPY ENDINGS!
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“omg and Charles is so tiny waisted that it makes the bulge look even larger. ”
This changes chemistry in my brain. Also if charles couldn't stop looking down to see how full up he is, max might be a bit annoyed since he also wants to see charles' face when max fucks him. So he comes up with the solution, let fuck in front of the mirror.
(If you have some more ideas about belly bulge charles or even some longer stories, i'm here waiting for you under the balcony 🥹 that tiny waist was made for getting belly bulge truly!!)
Oh I love Lestappen mirror sex so mirror sex + belly bulge is perfect.
I will include some Charles belly bulge in the bottom Charles fic I am writing this weekend but for now here is a totally random thought off the top of my head about the first time they have sex and the first time Charles notices the bulge:
The first time they have sex Max spends ages opening Charles up with his fingers and tongue. Charles is whining and moaning for more but Max seems pretty insistent that he needs to prep him properly. When Max finally gets undressed Charles sees exactly why!
When Max pushes in it feels like such a tight fit Charles isn’t even sure he’s going to be able to do it. Max is nice and gentle at first though, making sure Charles can adjust and relax and making sure the Monegasque breathes properly.
As Max inches in a nice warm heat tugs across Charles' body and then suddenly he is sure he can feel Max pressing up against his stomach. He thinks it must be his imagination running wild but as soon as he glances down he notices the bulge inside him moving in time with Max’s thrusts.
Charles starts blushing, he suddenly feels incredibly tiny compared to Max. He lets his head fall back, needing to look away for a few moments to gather himself together. The whimper he lets out is desperate though. Tentatively he reaches down and traces his fingers over the bulge as Max thrusts into him.
That’s when Max leans in and whispers against his ear, asking if he likes the feel of him so deep inside him. Charles bites down on his lip unable to trust his words so just nods and makes a strange little choked out sound.
Max pulls almost all the way out before placing Charles’ palm flat against this lower stomach and very slowly pushing all the way back in. Max feels even deeper than before and Charles sees his own hand visibly rising up as the bulge grows inside him. He’s moaning and his eyes feel watery and when Max starts praising him and telling him how well he takes it he’s pretty sure he’s going to come.
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Hi. Phew no anon I'm sweating rn (pardon the typos btw)
I just read SM in one sitting, (on a long car ride) and I just wanted to expressive the love I have for your writings and the characters you've so meticulously crafted.
The pacing of the story is absolutely perfect. Fast enough to keep readers engaged, and slow enough to create tension and highlight the big steps in the development of the relationship
If it's alright, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the story and the characters? If not, feel free to stop reading and delete this ask. But if you want to read, I've written some of my thought below.
First off, Bun.
You've created such a well rounded character with Bun. She has so many qualities that may seem the contradict each other, but they really just make her a foil for everyone around her. She emphasizes the traits of those around her by constantly adapting to constrast her present company, as a safety measure. If she's different, she never fits in. If she never fits in, people can't get close to her.
They won't know her if they're not close, and therefore she can't be hurt by them. So, whether subconsciously or not, she becomes the opposing force to each and every person she meets, as a way of maintaining distance.
She is the reality to Philips delusion, the sanity, to his psychoticism. She's gives the hard work to cover her coworkers slacking, she's the determination to their apathy. She's the paranoia in the places where everyone else feels safe. She's lonely in the face of such overpowering unity, in the face of family and love. She's the flushed cheeks that are the result of Johnny's blunt flirting. She's the cowering child in the arms of a battle-hardened man, and she's torn herself apart trying to rationalize her own existence after everything she's been through.
I kind of imagine she's like the mirror she thinks so much about. She's was once a stunning piece of beautiful craftsmanship, a big panel of glass with perfectly straight edges, an intricate gold-gilded frame, a shimmering silver surface, the centerpiece of every room she's in. Her smarts, her wit, her charm always reflecting rays of light onto the world around her. She was incredible, until she wasn't. Someone broke the nails that held her up, and she shattered into a million pieces.
Everyone she meets gets a piece, but no one has the whole picture. Everyone has a different piece, which means she's not the same to any two people. She's a spitfire to Phillip, a soft and sweet bunny to the boys, a motivated worker to her colleagues, and to herself? A collection of jagged shards, and she cuts up her hands trying to rid herself of the pieces she can't afford to keep. Pieces of her past life and her past self.
Moving on,
I really appreciate the more intricate characterization of all your characters, but especially Simon. It's a lovely change to see a perspective of Simon from the other side of the tunnel, so to speak. Not only is it refreshing to see him able to process his emotions so healthily, but it's quite thought provoking as well. It's engaging to see him as a someone who coexists with his trauma, rather than railing against it. Allowing himself to finally accept that it's part of who he is, but not all of him. Seeing him turn something that was once a crippling weakness, into strength, is so cool. I think it's an interesting reflection of his physical prowess, onto his mental state. Showing that his strength is not exclusive to his body, but that it extends to his mind as well.
Also, the way he utilizes the knowledge he gained from past hardships to help Bun?? Such a stark difference from his usual actions in fics, but somehow still perfectly in character for him. Very "Simon-esque" if you will.
I also just read your personal update, the one about the Winter-to-Spring transition. I really hope this doesn't sound patronizing, but I want you to know how strong and talented you are. You seem steadfast in your self identity and I really admire that. Not to mention how incredible of a storyteller you are. Your work gives me motivation and inspiration to keep writing, so that hopefully mine can be as beautiful as yours someday :)
I also wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your work and appreciate you sharing your experiences. I am not (don't have?) bipolar, but I do struggle with other mental illnesses, and your post really made me feel better about the stability of my own future.
Which made me wonder, do you think you drew inspiration from your own experiences in order to create your Simon? I just saw some similarities in the way you both have begun to use your knowledge of hardship to assist others. Maybe it was subconscious? Or maybe it was purely coincidental? Either way, I think both you and your Simon are amazing for doing so.
Thank you for writing and sharing and just being a positive presence on here. I'm so so glad I found your account, and I'm excited to read any future works you release :)
Also, care of yourself and remember that you don't owe anyone on Tumblr anything. It's your writing and you should write and post only when you feel up to it <3
I’ve spent a few days trying to figure out how to answer this and haven’t come up with an super effective strategies so I’m just going to:
First thanks so much for taking the time to type this out and send it to me. I really appreciate it and you, and I’m thrilled you’re enjoying Simple Math!
I think your mirror synopsis is pretty on point, Bunny is a million different pieces of a shattered mirror, all trying to reflect different parts. She’s complicated. She’s not herself, and that’s still something she’s trying to learn. She’s also very traumatized which explains the reasoning behind why she has done and may do some things.
I’ve talked about this before but Simon in Simple Math is really my dream for his character. He’s emotionally regulated and mature, he’s patient, he’s kind, he’s been through years and years of therapy. He recognizes his trauma but he doesn’t let it hold such a grip anymore. Of course, the situation with Bun brings up painful memory and feelings, but he’s stable and secure enough to recognize and process those feelings. He’s a family man. I love him, but I don’t think I draw anything from my personal life as I write him.
As a note to your comment about the stability of your future: I’m glad you could find some comfort in that post and I know everything feels really difficult sometimes, especially when you’re struggling, but things can even out and get better. When I was younger I didn’t believe I’d have a future, and if you had told me “it gets better!” I would have laughed in your face and launched into some long spiel trying to shut you down. But… it does. Things can get better and become stable. It takes time.
Thank you so much for reading!
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the disconnect between the storytelling of the show and of the fandom
lately, I've been thinking about storytelling and storytellers in the context of 911.
like, there's two sides to this storytelling business, right?
there's the small group writers and showcreators who have an idea for the characters and plots and have to come up with a way to share those ideas within the constraints of a network television series
and then there's us, a massive international community with a wide-range of life experiences, who watch their show and then go on to tell our own story about it.
and i wonder if we're always watching the story they're telling.
im not even necessarily talking about the buddie goggles right now.
what got me thinking about this was ana flores.
and the one scene the fandom likes to pretend sealed her fate (when in actuality, let's be quite candid, it was the fact that she was a beautiful woman who dared to date eddie instead of allowing him to remain a viable option for canonical/fanonical offscreen cannoodling with buck)
"there's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse, but there's also some value in learning that you don't like horses."
eddie: "i'm sorry?"
"sometimes, our limitations tell us when to stop. but sometimes, they can show us where to look next." (romantic, feelingsy song starts playing) "today, he falls off the skateboard. but tomorrow, he writes the great american novel."
see, the problem here is that this is CLEARLY meant to be viewed as wise and deep advice. as a moment of connection between ana and eddie... the way the scene is cut, the music that plays in the background, the intense eye-contact between the two characters, the way eddie reacts to her words... we're meant to enjoy the simmering tension and potential between them...
but... it's not great and deep advice, not really. it's been pointed out that it comes off as ableist. and ana is supposed to be a teacher at this excellent inclusive institution; she is meant to have experience with children of different abilities feeling frustrated and wanting to do the same things other children are doing... someone on here pointed out that if they were the teacher, they would seek to understand what need christopher was trying to fullfil by getting on the skateboard and help him achieve it by other means
but what ana comes up with is this awkward horse metaphor that doesn't really make sense for the situation, and a condescending: "awwww, well, im sure he's the next hemingway"
BUT SEE, THAT'S NOT THE STORY THE SHOW IS TELLING US. the show is ostensibly framing this scene as romantic and great and deep. and that is NOT ana's fault. the character of ana didn't travel to our reality, didn't block the scene, didn't cut it and add the soundtrack. that's on the showcreators.
but somehow, it's really difficult for us to see it that way when it comes to ana.
in a way that it's not when it comes to Hen, poor little Mara and the Doberman.
because we know Hen and Karen, and we like them.
so we awkwardly shuffle around, side-eyeing each other, quietly nudging each other and going: "bit of a fail that, huh? kinda a weird thing to do on the part of the show, huh? comparing a little Black girl to a dog...why did they do that???"
or there was an excellent post floating around about whether Buck and Eddie realize they can say no to sex, that their consent matters.
"what if i come home and she wants to haaaaaave..."
"well, you'll get through it somehow," says buck with an amused grin on his face.
see, the problem isn't necessarily whether the characters know that their consent matters, but whether the showcreators do. because this is clearly meant to be viewed as a joke.
eddie is a macho guy, who tends to keep his cool in difficult situations, so it's funny when you see him freaking out over the fact that his girlfriend wants to have sex with him and he doesn't want to have sex with her because her former chosen-profession taps into his well of Messy Catholic Feelings.
isn't it? isn't that just fucking hilarious?
and the answer to that is: no. it's not funny to any part of the audience who's ever felt pressured (by a partner, by society, by their own expectations) to want or to have sex.
but does the show realize that?
i'm sorry but i don't think so. this is the show that framed dr.wells sexually assaulting buck during a therapy session as a joke to casually bring up and needle him over later, that felt the need to reassure us that chimney and maddie can and do have wild, passionate monkey sex (you remember, albert teasing chim, then the hotel with the revolving room, etc), that had karen ask hen what the point of a relationship was if the couple weren't having sex...
now, i genuinely don't think the showcreators mean to be hurtful, or harmful. i don't think they realise how all these things come off. because they're a fairly small group of people from Los Angeles, America, and are working within the constraints of a network television show
(and the point of the Eddie and Buck scene was Buck coming out to Eddie, so maybe they felt Buck saying: "you know, you can tell her you don't want to have sex, right? that's allowed." would fraction the focus of it? idk)
but what happens is that there's this disconnect between the story they're telling us and the story we continue to tell among ourselves.
when it comes to the characters we like, we tend to ignore the unpleasant meanings and messages in relation to the character, or we retcon it in fanfic, or we Fix-it with some heart-to-hearts and apologies.
(for example, i haven't seen many fics that show athena being a Cop as not-a-great-thing. but are we really ok with her saying "i wasn't on their side, but i understood their side." when her son expresses some reasonable dissatisfaction with her reaction to a cop pointing a gun at him and michael? or are we just ignoring it because we love angela basset?)
when it comes to characters we are predisposed to dislike, this disconnect makes us dislike them even more. which leads to the writing of bashing fics, and in some cases harassing the performers online jfc do not do that people that's never ok
(of course, some characters are hated justifiedly imao, like the buckley parents and chimney's father...)
maybe this is the frustration that makes for such a prolific and active fandom?
I don't know.
but I think it's something to keep in mind when watching the show. because that disconnect is always going to be there and I know that for my own personal mental health, it's easier and nicer to believe that a group of RL people might be just a bit ignorant at times, than that my favourite characters are massive assholes unpredictably and randomly
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Memories - Macaque x Kiyo
Notes: I like to write although I may lack practice. English is not my first language so I used a translator, I'm sorry if the writing has spelling mistakes or pronouns are changed haha.
It was a warm night with a full moon, where its silvery glow filtered through the bright lights of the city. From atop the roof, the warm wind brought echoes of pop music and muffled laughter rising from the apartments.
On an old blanket of light blue and white, Macaque lay in a carefree posture, a half-drunk can of soda in his hand. Beside him, Kiyo gazed up at the night sky; her short dark hair contrasted with the pearly color of her scaly skin.
The young goddess turned her face to her six eared demon friend and gave a half-smile.
—I can't believe you went so many years without dating— she whispered in a jocular tone. — You've got to be kidding me.
Macaque gave him an amused look back, undeterred by the teasing.
—Maybe I exaggerate a little— said Macaque with a half-smile, before taking a sip. — There was the occasional fling, but I was more focused on getting revenge on Wukong and making his life miserable than I was on my love life.
Kiyo listened to him intently, her eyes reflecting the moonlight.
—But... —she encouraged him to continue.
Macaque let out a short laugh and sighed, as if recalling some memory of his past wanderings.
—I must admit I have a few stories to tell— he admitted mischievously. — Some antics from my youth that might interest you. But that's for another night...
Macaque laid his back on the old blanket, leaving the half-drunk can to one side. He clasped his hands behind his neck and closed his yellow eyes in a carefree attitude. He smiled sideways as he heard a soft moan come from the lips of Kiyo, who stood beside him.
—Come on, I know well your taste for bragging about your exploits— she prompted him mischievously. — I don't think a few past love stories will tarnish your reputation.
Macaque opened his healthy eye and looked at her from the corner of his eye, with a mischievous smile peeking between his lips.
—Are you jealous? — he asked mockingly. — Why so much interest in my love life?
Kiyo raised an eyebrow, unfazed by the joke. The moonlight reflected off her scales, giving her an unearthly glow.
—I'm simply intrigued to learn more about you— she replied calmly, lying down beside him on her side so she could see him. — Unless you fear not living up to your own legends.
Macaque let out a short laugh. He knew the goddess had succeeded in disarming his cunning trap. So, he took a deep breath and prepared to evoke his most secret memories to please his astute listener, who looked at him intrigued to learn more about his love interest.
—The truth is that I have only fallen in love twice— confessed Macaque in a low voice.
Kiyo arched an eyebrow in a mocking gesture, though her eyes revealed a hint of surprise. Over 500 years of existence and only having two affairs was hardly believable.
—I don't believe you— she replied mockingly.
—There is a difference between mere carnal pleasure and true love— he replied wisely.
—I must agree with you on that one— Kiyo admitted, easing his mockery. —May I know more details?
Macaque averted his gaze and his smirk faded. He reflected with a more serene and calm countenance.
—Mmmhhh... – he mumble between my lips, debating internally. — If I talk too much, it could ruin my reputation— he said in a thoughtful tone.
—Not even for me? — the girl asked. Her eyes, veiled in doubt, searched his. —I promise to keep silent.
Macaque analyzed her request. Talking about his first love with her, his only friend, didn't seem so far—fetched. However, he still wasn't sure he could trust her with his secret.
Kiyo noticed his hesitation. Her voice, suddenly softened, caressed his ears:
—We have all fallen in love with people who in the end have not been worth it, you should not be ashamed of that... —she murmur, trying to reassure his friend. — Forgive me, you shouldn't tell me if you don't feel comfortable talking about it.
Kiyo lay down next to him, contemplating the starry blanket above them. Only a few stars shone amidst the darkness of the city. Macaque pondered silently, wondering whether to finally unveil that memory buried for centuries. The warmth of his friend enveloped him, softening the old wounds of time.
In the background, a soft melody was playing from the young goddess's phone, with a metallic light blue tone. Macaque did not recognize the song, but its rapture filled his serene mood.
After a while of thoughtful silence, he spoke in a murmur:
—Wukong....
Kiyo looked up into his friend's yellow eyes expectantly. That revelation was coming after centuries of secrecy.
—I guess he was my first love.
The goddess could not hide her surprise. Was he in love with his now nemesis? The one who once tormented her out of past grievances. Kiyo ignored the details of the story between Wukong and Macaque, ignorant of a past not yet fully revealed, only that they were great friends, brothers in the order founded by the Monkey King where together with other demons not only guarded their home, but sought to rebel against the gods. Until, after the defeat and imprisonment of Wukong for five hundred years, some grudge broke their bond. And in their last encounter, Macaque lost not only an eye, but his life at the hands of what was once his best friend and brother. He later resurfaced, thanks to Lady Bone Demon's “favor”, but what happens next is a separate story.
—But you hate Wukong now… —muttered Kiyo, still trying to assimilate that unexpected revelation.
—You said you'd keep quiet— Macaque reminded him with just a hint of annoyance at the break in his story.
He exhaled a sigh and continued. Her yellow eyes were lost in the silvery moonlight, avoiding her friend's curious gaze.
—I was an insignificant, weak and lonely demon back then. Wukong was the first to see more than that in me. He saw my hidden potential, a potential I was not even aware of yet. And I fell prey to his vision, to his trust.... I fell in love with the one who for the first time made me feel valuable. The one who saw me as something more than a shadow....
Kiyo listened hurriedly, lying on her side so as not to lose detail of the story. She watched Macaque's face, which looked remote and sorrowful at the same time. His yellow eyes were lost in the moon or wandered to another distant point, avoiding her gaze, as if he regretted even today to stir with his words those feelings buried deep down for ages. His voice held echoes of sadness, resentment and spite not entirely healed by time. Kiyo understood then that the wounds of the heart are the slowest to heal.
Kiyo waited in silence, contemplating Macaque's lost gaze, still absorbed in old memories. Shee did not want to interrupt his train of thought.
At last, in a barely audible whisper, she dared to ask:
—Did you ever tell him?
Macaque denied with an ironic grimace.
—I kept my secret out of cowardice. I was afraid my love would ruin our friendship or be unrequited. But I think he knew— a sad smile curved his lips. — Wukong had that telltale look that betrayed he was deciphering my feelings even without words, but he preferred to feign ignorance to spare us the awkwardness.
Kiyo looked at him with a mixture of compassion and regret. She did not want his friend to relive old useless pains.
Macaque noticed his regret and spoke in a calmer tone:
—After Wukong's imprisonment, I tried to remake my life outside the Brotherhood. I had the occasional carnal encounter with demons and mortals, men and women alike, but they were only fleeting moments to forget. When I saw him with that monk, something snapped in me. Jealousy and spite choked my reason. It was my undoing.
He said this last with a wry smile. He admitted his bad temper, although the spite of the one who once made him feel special and now abandoned him to his fate, was deeper.
—Wukong made me discover what's behind this facade. And in the end, he left me alone again, just like before I met him. I guess this stupid heart still hurts even today.
A sigh escaped from his chest, laden with the melancholy of unfulfilled dreams. Kiyo understood that fear of risking everything for unrequited love. And he also understood that time had not completely healed the wound of the unconfessed youthful passion for his enemy of today, for the one who was once his most precious brother and his everything.
Kiyo understood Macaque's feelings perfectly. She herself had known Wukong's love not long ago, recalling his tender words, warm embraces and sweet caresses. Even though she knew now that it was wisest to maintain a friendship, deep down she longed for the peace lavished on her by his company and their courtship that she once saw as a dream achieved.
Gently she slid her hand up to meet Macaque's, entwining their fingers in a mute comforting gesture and asking if she could take the next step.
—Wukong had the ability to make himself indispensable to those he loved— she sighed, resting her empathetic gaze on him. — I know what it's like to be made to feel unique only to be abandoned. I'm sorry you carried that pain for so long.
Macaque was surprised by that physical contact unaccustomed to such displays. A small, barely perceptible blush appeared on his cheeks and he smiled a smile of gratitude, squeezing Kiyo's hand in silent gratitude. She truly understood his suffering, and with her gesture she was giving him the warmth he so desperately needed to finally heal the wounds of the past.
—Time heals everything. It no longer hurts; only a closed scar remains. Now I focus my energy on other, more profitable goals.
—What do you mean? —Kiyo asked curiously.
—Oh, you know. Annoying grumpy little gods who sleep like hibernating bears— he replied mockingly.
Kiyo feigned indignation, punching him gently in the chest which made Macaque laugh.
—How dare you talk about me like that! —she protested with laughter.
—Calm down, I never mentioned names. If you identify yourself, it's your problema— he replied with sly mischief, causing Kiyo to blush with embarrassment.
The two continued to laugh merrily, leaving sad memories of the past to which they belonged. Their hands remained clasped in a sign of the trust and comfort they now shared with each other, aware as they were of not being too physical with even their closest confidants.
When Kiyo's song ended and a new one began, Macaque still didn't recognize the melody, completely oblivious to the current pop culture, but he could hear part of the tune.
"And even though I think about you day and night
I'm not sure if this whole love thing
Sounds quite right"
—So... —whispered Kiyo, looking away from the song and focusing on the golden eyes of his partner.— You mentioned two loves.... who was the second one?
—Mmhh? —Macaque murmured, puzzled.
—You said you fell in love twice. You already told me about Wukong, who was the other person who stole your heart?
Macaque blushed slightly and let out an enigmatic chuckle that left Kiyo intrigued. Was he teasing her?
—You'll know in time— he replied, averting his gaze again to the stars.
Kiyo was about to complain when she noticed a subtle squeeze on her hand. She looked up at Macaque and was moved by what she saw. Though he was looking up at the sky, his face wore a smile different from his sarcastic grimaces: it was warm, serene, even tender. Her golden eyes shone like stars in a peaceful countenance as her face was bathed in moonlight, letting it reflect the warmth and peace she felt inside.
Several minutes passed before Kiyo understood the hidden meaning behind her gestures. A blush covered her cheeks as she realized the obvious.
Oh...
Silently, she entwined her fingers in his, returning the sentiment with the same tenderness. She was falling again.
#artists on tumblr#lego monkey kid oc#sun wukong#self ship#aztec culture#monkie kid macaque#six eared macaque#fanfiction#fanfic#macaque x reader#macaque x oc#macaque x y/n#macaque x wukong#mooncloud#selfship community
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