#I'm learning how to make things pretty
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A list of new dividers that I made! One for TBB, One for the Wolfpack, and the orange and green is because I was in a 212 mood, but only orange looked bad 😮💨
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Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.
Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU
#knitting#no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means#How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles#Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me#Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice#How do I join the pattern cult#I am so confused#I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders#I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources#And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me#I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling?#Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language#And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction
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He is more of myself than I am.
Day Seven of @bylerweek2023 - Soulmates
aka: Byler x (Emily) Brontë
+ how he looks at you when you're not looking
#design forward#bylerweek2023#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#I've seen these moments paralleled so many times but not seen them giffed? hence the inpo for these lowkey#BUT !!! you need to understand that me making gifs like these is a revolutionary development courtesy of byler week#the masking and blending and sharpening and style of editing was all learned in THE LAST FOUR DAYS#so I combined all my lessons into these as a simple ‘final hurrah’#Honestly for someone who learned how to gif SOLELY on a whim four months ago I’m pretty satisfied with myself rn lol#anyway. this week was so fun and I'm so glad I did it!#stranger things#my gifs#the me tag
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pets him
#river dipping#ts4#matthias evanoff#theodore doe#a burning house to live in#echthroi#🦇#i used this image to experiment with some new things i learned#making that hickey on matthias's neck look more gnarly was fun. theo tries to make them last as long as they can so.#they normally look pretty dark and nasty#i really did mean to post this yesterday but yk how it goes... anyway. i'm going to make An Attempt at tackling my activity feed today#if i sound weird to any of you just pretend i seem so normal#i also want to actually catch up soon...#ik i'm definitely behind on kmik and the legacies i keep up with#i just don't want to sound insincere when i catch up...#so i might just put those off for when i'm actually back to feeling uhhhhhh . not like a weird little husk of myself#oh. also i made this pose. their height difference is actually there it's just that matthias is leaning forward a lot and bending down#and theo's up on his toes and leaning into matthias's chest
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Finally listened to Dylan Mulvaney's song and?? I don't get the negative hype about it, it was frankly a cute song. Also the "playin' catch-up 'cause we missed the pre-game" made me laugh, it was a good line. Dylan, you've done it again!
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#it just sounds like... a normal pop song. the only problem is the auto tune. i'm not against auto tune but whoever mixed it...#...did not make it seamless. i'm bad at recognizing auto tune but i could hear it#the thing that sucks is auto tune is now like... industry standard but nobody who is responsible for doing it seems to do it right#to me it's justa cute song about learning to appreciate and admire life and the women who helped. like it's pretty normal#i don't even follow dylan i just think she's. a relatively normal person as far as being a former theater kid can get you#if you were in theater or band your normal rating goes down at *least* a tier level. often more than one. ask me how i know.#anyway. listen to the song i think it's cute as hell. i'm always a sucker for songs about appreciation and gratitude
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having fun with colors for once :P
thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D
#creepycoffinsdtiys#trigun#millions knives#vash the stampede#i haven't drawn nearly enough knives. posted him even less#him and vash are so fun to draw :P ik they have the same face but it's like. fun to experiment with how different i can make them look yk#also admittedly. did most of this at work during downtime so if it looks funky..... my bad#the lighting isn't the greatest aight?? it's night shift and there's no windows but they do dim the lights#i did do the limited coloring i did at home lol. wasnt gon bring more art supplies to work#trying to get back into the swing of things with my drawing. i got myself a huion display for my birthday this year!#on top of my traditional i wanna do more animated stuff#primarily animated bc honestly i don't really wanna learn digital painting or whatever. im not interested in that and i like my harsh style#i'd also like to do more original work. i think last year was literally just trigun fanart lmfaoo#we'll see how things turn out ig#i'm not really holding myself to doing anything bc i don't see that turning out well. i am applying myself to more fan projects at the leas#tho those i'm applying more as a writer lmfao#well anyway. enough about me. i actually really like the drawing this was based off of! i didn't include the full body designs#and tbh vash's design is almost entirely cut out just cuz how the pose worked out :(#so i would highly suggest checking out the original art by the person i tagged!#and their other art's pretty banging as well :D
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!
Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business.
I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art.
Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in.
Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
#isa screams#long post#gif#flashing#i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG#I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though#I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly#but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do#its a tricky thing#but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay#if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG#thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak#And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get#part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions#am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am#I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)
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Well, I didn't get any writing done, but I did watch the Wiggles documentary.
#look it was a compromise!#i was babysitting#these children were cranky and driving me nuts#this gives them music and me a documentary to learn things from#bad news: songs in my head forever#good news: actually pretty interesting#i'm always fascinated by the fact that no matter how strange or niche a type of art is#there's always people behind it#with ordinary lives and thought processes that go into what they make#and it was fun to see the very sensible and human ideas that go into creating something so wild#this wouldn't have been quite so shameful except that i kept watching after the kids were gone#instead of writing anything
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Say what you want, whoever your favorite character may be, we all know how you reacted to Kaiser's intro panel
#i'm calling myself out but still#that wasn't even his best panel and it still had me screaming#“on your knees blue lock”#*insert that one vine of the girl in glasses screaming “when will you learn”*#he's a cocky bastard (pun not intended) but he's so fine#making me roll off my bed giggling and kicking my legs#narrator: and that's how ish realized they had a thing for pretty eyes#bllk manga#blue lock manga#michael kaiser
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something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret
#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY#but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to#and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters#so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants#Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him#Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in'#he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are#and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact#but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters#even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing#he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back#and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug*#ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?''#but make it Thor 1#make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh#Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood.#Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it#Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too#lets get that breakdown moving along
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hi! what are your thoughts on the calypso scene in botl? read your tags on the percy thoughts on gods post and wanted to know
short answer:
the scene w calypso exists for the audience and to foreshadow ethan.
long answer:
percy has never divided the world like this. percy as a character already knows the outcome of this conversation; things aren't black or white. percy is an incredibly empathetic, observant, and intelligent character, and in the post anon is referring to, he shows this by understanding why hades was bitter (third quote) while simultaneously calling the gods out for their behavior (last quote). percy has never done something bc "the gods are his family," and that includes retrieving the lightning bolt in tlt, the closest u could get to this. similarly, percy never hated luke bc he was leaving camp or betraying the gods, percy's feelings abt luke are personal, to the point where it's a bit blinding.
as a more specific example using this scene, percy doesn't leave calypso bc of the gods.
percy genuinely considers staying on ogygia and only leaves bc of his personal loyalty to his friends. no where in his decision to leave does he bring up the gods, as family or something good that needs to be defended.
this is one of the reasons he and athena have that conversation in ttc abt his fatal flaw. the gods are scared of percy bc his continued loyalty to them isn't guaranteed. percy's idea of good vs bad is very nuanced and personal and his loyalty is much the same. but the audience, primarily young since the books are middle grade, might not be on that same level of understanding. this conversation establishes to the audience what percy already knows but hasn't said. and the audience needs to understand this bc it's the crux of luke's character in tlo.
furthermore, this conversation foreshadows ethan's character. ethan's primary motivation is getting recognition for the minor gods, his mother, his family, himself. he's willing to sacrifice a lot for this.
ethan knows that nemesis isn't good. he's not siding w her bc she's good. he's siding w her bc she's family and she's the only one who paid him any attention, good or bad.
this is also why ethan switches sides. he's not loyal to a side bc it's good vs bad, he's loyal to whoever will help him and his goals, his family. calypso's words here perfectly set up ethan's character, and makes it easier for the audience to understand where he's coming from.
#percy actually doesn't change his pov much from tlt to tlo#it's actually pretty interesting bc moments like this might have u think that he does but mostly what changes is#1) he has more positive experiences w the gods#and 2) he has more ability to respond to what he's seeing (both in confidence and opportunity)#he isn't in a position to change things until tlo but he recognizes the corruption almost immediately#as u can see in the og post anon is referring to#percy's arc is less abt recognizing the system is bad and more abt learning how u can change it. break the cycle.#and unfortunately that gets lost after pjo#percy jackson#ethan nakamura#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo hoo toa#pjo books#percy#ethan#min talks pjo#answered#hopefully this makes sense i'm trying to put together multiple lines of thought so it's a bit long#and i mean. the absolute shortest answer is rick is inconsistent w his writing but. i'm answering assuming it was a purposeful decision
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Will Dipper always have almost no magic of his own, even after being reincarnated? He obviously has a talent for life magic but he can’t really train to get better at it, because he’s using Bill’s magic for it (and we know the latter hates it lol). I just don’t want my guy to be sad and miserable forever🥺 He deserves to become a cool and independent magician! And prove his bullies wrong once and for all!
A reincarnation of Dipper could definitely have more magic of his own! And as clever as he is, there's a bright future ahead of him. Perhaps even one where he's excellent at life magic and healing, and getting a little cocky about his own talents.
Bill, of course, upsets all the plans he had for his life. Again.
The good news is that it's a life where Dipper could use more life magic. Theoretically. The problem there is going to be hashing out how he can use it once they're bonded again.
#answers#It'd be pretty fun to see a Dipper who's managed to get a few neat achievements under his belt magically. Perhaps even... smug about it?#Suddenly faced with a guy who knows even more than him by miles#A Dipper with ideas about how to break this 'bond' and cast Bill out. Only to get increasingly stressed out as all of his efforts fail#I mean c'mon. It's Dipper. The big walls of 'I'm Great' he built were only to protect the anxiety-ridden core of himself#Bill is amused. You put up a pretty great fight kid!! You mighta made a dent if this thing didn't have centuries of weight behind it#Even then it's pretty rock-solid construction; bet you'd *hate* to meet the guy who forged it#Though in all honesty. Dipper wasn't trying *quite* as hard as he could have to break the thing#Something kept holding him back#Alternately: Healer/Doctor Dipper who's now Very Annoyed that Bill's getting in the way of his chosen practice#So what if it makes Bill sick? Screw him. If they're stuck together then what's the magical equivalent of separate bank accounts#No way he's giving up his awesome talent. He's great at it. It helps people. Bill can go kick rocks#Alternate of the alternate: Dipper insisting *Bill* learn a few life tricks even if it's uncomfortable for him#Goading him into it by declaring that well. His knowledge isn't *really* infinite without *That* area of magic. Is it.#Good job Dipper! You truly know how to needle your husband into doing stuff he normally wouldn't no matter the lifetime#Probably comes in handy when Dipper gets Very Hurt that lifetime! Bill'd rather stumble off to be sick in the bushes than lose him again
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Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#The Captain#Mixed set! :D Lots of singular doodles - one-offs or ones that apply to a few different scenes#The kiss is random tho <3 I still haven't gotten to ZEX showing off his uniform to Zelnick! I want them to!!#Him seeing his Captain in his uniform was so lovely tho <3 I love Big Love and that was so <3 Hehe#Smooch ♥#ZEX does not eat enough ;; He eats like a bird and it's highly distressing#I actually wrote in my notes that I was surprised he wasn't hurting In The Same entry as when he was experiencing hunger pangs haha#It doesn't help that he tends to talk through meals rather than eat - he's so much more interested in making connections with humans!#As far as metaphors go - killing himself for the sake of trying to bridge that gap - I mean it's apt but ZEX please#I think it was while he was talking to Wally at one point that he framed the War in a very flippant light-hearted way which was funny to me#I don't think that's the descriptor most people would use haha#Swearing <3 <3 VUX terminology <3 <3#I want a VUX glossary of terms so badly hehe I've been slowly compiling a few here and there :3 Direct translation! The dream ♫#Him getting stressed enough to swear is very endearing haha ♪ What do you mean I'm endeared by everything he does don't be silly#The next one of me deeply enjoying when he's creepy is not proof of anything! Just because I Happen to also like that!!#I do really love when he's creepy tho agh <3 <3 The mental image of him as The Hunter - casually cornering and capturing his prey <3#In that instance he was interrupted pretty quickly but the setup was there!! And it was extremely good!!!#I love how huffy he gets as well haha ''All these humans interrupting my seduction attempts >O( ...Wait O|'' lol#And finally an exchange on the board between him and Scarecrow haha so many fun faces around!!#I love him being completely baffled by a non-mechanical construct it just short-circuits his brain haha ♥#He's so intelligent but there exists things unknowable!#The image of him tapping his pen is so Incredibly cute ah <3 Where did he learn such a thing! Does it translate from his VUX form to this ♪#Anything everything ♥ Learned or known! It's wonderful
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#anorith#the eyes on this model were fucked up because it's got the same transparency thing going on as flygon#and i still don't really know how to fix that so. you're just dealing with a Very close-up shot where you can't see their eyes. i've got it#easy on this one considering how far off to the side their eyes are. don't have to deal with trying and failing to fix them cuz#i can just make you unable to see them. epic win?#anorithhhh rock/bug-type i think. evolves into armaldo everyone's belovèd. it's pretty cute aaaannnnddd#it is definitely a pokémon. wow!#i think it learns some water-type moves and since armaldo is blue i obviously thought they were water-types as a kid#cuz their dex entries say shit like. they can swim!!! wow!!!! which means. water-type moves. or maybe Only one and that's just all i rememb#ered them using. or something. probably just surf#dunno i'm too lazy to check though
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Applying to SaaS jobs in order to create the world's most unhireable resume. (rn it's: library. nonprofit (religious). nonprofit (human trafficking). nonprofit (religious again). and next...??) i hope when i have to submit a cv for grad school at some point, the admissions counselor has to call me and ask for clarification.
#actually think i have a good shot for an interview at the job i applied to today bc my resume is so fucked up for tech but they seem like#the kind of workplace that has to screen for people applying to work there for clout#and absolutely no one who worked with human trafficking survivors would apply to work there for clout lol#also saw a job that made me 🤨🤨 but i think i'd have to alter how i use social media in some pretty significant ways#that would in the long run probably make me pretty unhappy#although then you all would be free of me posting. so. perhaps it would be good#i called my uncle today and i was like hey i'm considering blowing up my entire life bc i hate it what do you think about that#and he was like that's so interesting...have you considered getting a full-time job instead of doing that?#when my dad was dying he told my uncle that my uncle had to take care of the kids. and my uncle takes that really seriously#so sometimes i like to call him and throw him an insane curveball to keep his head in the game#he did not want to be a parent at all but he still has to deal with me and my sister's semi-constant career crises lololol#the thing is like. i do unfortunately dream of labor bc i hate being left to my own devices to come up with stuff to do#like no i do not dream of capitalism but i do dream of being given a task by someone else that keeps me engaged and stimulated#and curious and interested in learning and open to the world around me#and if i am paid $75k a year to do that task. i will put up with a lot of nonsense lmfao#fresno oilers.txt
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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