#I’m sorry I’m just frustrated bc how dare you act like I cause so much trouble | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buckyhoney-library · 3 years

Text

worst behavior, b.b

A/N: Surprise, i released it earlier than expected! I just- i hope you enjoy, bc this is probably the filthiest thing i've written- i also changed the plot a little bit!

Request: hiiii could i request a one-shot where professor!bucky sees you eyeing his metal arm bc he pushed his sleeves up one hot day and proceeds to keep you after class to do smth abt it? you can make it as kinky as you like, maybe some degrading and breeding if you’re comfortable w that! ugh i’m a whore for professor!bucky

reblogs & likes are greatly appreciated & highly encouraged

Warnings: 18+, professor!bucky, dom!bucky, age gap (f early 20's), degrading kink, public masturbation, oral (m&f), fingering, spanking, light choking, unprotected sex, orgasm denial, sorry for any missed typos!

Word Count: 4.6k, you already know i get carried away with bucky

You shuffle through the hallways of the historic building. The walls are decorated with paintings and engravings. Students walking in various directions making the hallway crowded and hard to get through. Every now and then, students would stop to talk to friends or professors. This halts the moving traffic, causing jams and irritated groans from other students. The satisfaction sets in when you glance down at the time and notice it’s nine fifty-seven. In three minutes, you’ll be officially late to class.

The other classes you take bore you- making it hard to stay focused. They are the generic first-year classes that everybody dreads. You always end up doodling or drifting in and out of sleep throughout the period- but this class? This is the only class that excites you.

World History with Professor Barnes.

You wake up extra early in the morning to get ready for his class. You put a little more effort into your appearance than the other classes. The thought of the professors and students seeing you in sweats and hoodie didn’t bother you. Professor Barnes’s class on the other hand- you made sure you looked put together. His lecture has you wanting to wear the shortest sundresses with little to nothing underneath them.

Being late to Professor Barnes’s class is frowned upon and requires immediate attention when it becomes excessive. The immediate attention was an after-hours meeting with Professor Barnes to discuss what could possibly be more important than his lecture.

The first time you showed up late, happened to be the first day of class. When you rushed into the lecture hall, your heart nearly stopped by the man in front of you. Brunette hair’s swept back, piercing blue eyes, and a button-up that looked a size too small- showing off his bulging biceps. The fitted navy-blue button-up was rolled up to his elbows and a few buttons were undone. His biceps on full display through the material- showing off the vibranium. You swallowed hard as he began to scold you in front of the entire hall.

“I do not tolerate tardiness. Enough tardies require a private meeting after hours.” His light blue eyes never broke contact with yours, darkening with lust the longer he looks at you- taking you all in.

It was almost as if he was telling you to be late. There is a faint heartbeat between your legs, you cross them in fear he could hear the throbbing from where he stands. You began to daydream about the warm metal wrapped around your throat, while his other fingers were buried inside you. Or the prints that would be left against the flesh of your ass. You nod slowly with the most innocent eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Professor Barnes. I had gotten lost. It will never happen again.” You say innocently, playing up the role- even going as far as pouting your lips.

Bucky’s cock twitched at the sight of your puffed-out lips. Begging to be made an example out of you in front of the class. You smile back at him, patiently waiting to be excused to your seat.

“Make sure it doesn’t happen again, Ms?”

“Y/L/N.” You purr.

“You may find a seat Ms. Y/L/N.”

He looks are you properly, eyeing you up and down. His eyes fixated on your hips, swaying side to side as you walk up the steps, your skirt flapping up behind you- teasing him. Bucky knew you were going to be trouble this semester- and trouble is exactly what you had been for the last month.

You did everything in your power to get him to keep you after class. Bucky is getting more and more fed up with you- acting so innocent. He knew damn well that you want nothing more than to have your pretty little mouth stuffed with his cock- gagging and gasping for breath.

He hates that you are pretending like you had no idea the amount of frustration you are causing him. The amount of self-control Bucky exhibits is astounding. Especially on the days, you come in wearing close to nothing- claiming it was ‘just too hot outside’ or when you sit in the front row with a lollipop in your mouth, exaggerating the moans as you suck the red hard candy.

You straighten out the wrinkles out of the floral baby blue sundress, before turning the knob on the door.

“Ms. Y/L/N. You’re late- again.” Professor Barnes states sternly, not bothering to look at you.

Bucky caught a glimpse out of the side of his eye- you were wearing his favorite dress and knew he couldn’t look at you in the eye without taking you right there.

This is Bucky’s favorite dress. He loves the way it holds your breasts higher and how it hangs over the curve of your ass so nicely.

How much prettier would the dress look across his lap.

Bucky can’t take his eyes off of you when you walk and the dress flows with every step- sometimes a little too much. This grants him a sneak peek of your favorite lacey white panties- or sometimes the lack thereof. He stiffens at the sight of the fabric covering your pretty little cunt, taunting him.

For the past month, all Bucky could think about is that cunt. How tight you’d be around him- hearing you whimper and whine when he finally enters you, stretching you out to fit perfectly. He wonders if you could take him all at once or if he needs to warm you up with his fingers- but the thing he thought about the most: how sweet you must taste. The question alone could get him off.

How desperately he wants a taste of you.

“Mr. Barnes I am sorry-“ You begin to play into your act before he cut you off,

“Find your seat.” He still not bothering to look at you.

Disappointment floods your face from the lack of attention. In an effort for payback, you sit in the first row already pouting. He began the lecture by discussing the homework he had assigned the night before. You reach into your bag, pulling out the folder.

Expecting you to be in your usual spot in the back of the lecture hall, Bucky clenches his jaw at the sight of you sitting with your legs crossed shut in the front row, with your elbows on the small desk and hands cupping your face in boredom. His cock began to stir. Your breasts press together against the thin fabric- that is working extra hard to keep your breasts from being on display for everyone.

You see the frustration written on his face the moment he finally looks at you. You smirk at the successful payback.

The class goes on, but the material bores you. You begin to stare at Professor Barnes. You could hear the small adjustments from the vibranium as he moves about the lecture hall. Your breath hitches when he rolls his sleeves up. His biceps bulging against the fabric, a faint throbbing begins between your legs. You bite the inside of your cheek holding back a whimper. You squirm in your seat, uncrossing your legs to press them together to relieve some pressure.

The sinful thought begins to overtake your mind, only making the throbbing worse by the added arousal pooling against the lace. Checking each side of you, you look to see if there are any other students close enough to you that were about to witness this risky act. There are students staggered behind you, but only a couple dare to sit in the first rows. They are intently listening to their professor- who has his attention on the chalkboard.

You swallow a lump, attempting to steady your breathing. You slip your hand below the desk, resting it on your upper thigh. With one more quick scan of the room, you slip your hand underneath your dress.

You inhale sharply at the contact with your aching cunt. The slow circles you draw over your lacey panties release a wave of pleasure. Your lips part and your eyes flutter. The idea of someone catching you- the idea of him catching you? Made the arousal seep through the material getting on your fingers. You close your eyes dreaming about how Bucky’s fingers would dip between your folds, collecting the arousal and forcing you to taste yourself. You could imagine the pornographic scene play out in your mind, the heavy panting and degrading remarks- your fingers slip inside the thin fragile material. The satisfaction of making direct contact with the bundle of nerves makes it almost impossible to bit back any moans. Instead, you let out silent breaths.

Your imagination continues with his fingers going back between the folds, teasing the entrance- making you whine. Bucky’s other hand groping your breasts harshly. The focus is solely on the clit that throws you hurtling toward your orgasm. You brace yourself for the pleasurable release.

Bucky turns around to flip the page of the textbook when he sees it- sees your legs parted with your middle and ring finger rubbing circles over your clit. He holds his breath, not believing the whore in front of him. Your pants becoming faster and heavier. The pleasure begins to boil over, sending you over the edge. You remove your fingers covering your mouth to muffle the whimpers.

When you come down enough to open your eyes, your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach. Red flushing your cheeks and your chest tightens- you have been caught. His jaw hung open in disbelief at what he just witnessed. This is the final straw, touching yourself in class? Cumming in class- in front of him. There is no hiding the growing bulge in his pants.

Bucky slams shut the textbook, The other students sit in confusion at the sudden outburst from their Professor.

“Make sure you read the rest of the chapter. Class dismissed.” He almost growls.

Bucky takes cover at his desk, covering any evidence of an erection. He pulls a random stack of papers to distract himself from the bulge in his pants.

You hurry to pack away your things- you know that you are in a world of trouble and wish to leave the room as fast as possible.

You pull the bag over your shoulder and head straight for the door, not making eye contact with anyone.

“Ms. Y/L/N. Stay.” His voice booming in the near-empty room.

You freeze in your tracks, holding your breath. You turn around to face the furious man seated behind the desk. The one man that now held all the power to expel you. You feel small and weak the closer you get to his desk. He waits till the last student leaves the room.

“Yes, Professor Barnes?” Anxiety begins to stir in the pit of your stomach.

“We need to discuss your behavior. Follow me.” The demand making you shiver.

Your legs wobble as you follow him to the room just off the lecture hall. It is his office. It is bigger than you have imagined it. The smell of oak and cigars filling your lungs the moment you enter. His dark mahogany desk is the focal point of the room. The walls are decorated with artwork he had collected over the years. The dark brown curtains are pulled shut. The only light source being the two standing lamps on reside on each side of his bookshelf. Knick-knacks covering the surfaces of the shelves and desk.

“Sit.” His voice is stern laced with lust.

The restricting fabric of the briefs and pants makes the bulge painful. You sit in the chair in front of his desk with your ankles crossed and hands in your lap.

“First, you’re late to my class.” He is stalks around you- like your prey. His arms crossed tightly against his chest.

“Then, you wear this provocative dress.” Bucky’s fingers glide up your arm, grazing over the thin strap on your shoulder. His touch burning your skin.

“Then, you proceed to touch yourself in the middle of my lecture- cumming all over yourself like a disgusting little whore.” His words starting up the throbbing.

Bucky leans against the edge of the desk and your eyes are fixated on your lap- not daring to make eye contact.

“I have every right to expel you,” You inhale preparing yourself.

“-but I’m not going to.” Your eyes shoot up meeting his.

They’re filled to the brim with lust and desire. You gain a boost of confidence soars through you with the knowledge that you aren’t getting expelled.

He tilts your chin up to him, getting a better look at you. Using your chin to turn your face to each side- examining the mouth that will soon be full of him.

Bucky runs his thumb over your bottom lip, pulling at it- parting your lips. You push your head forward, taking his thumb in your mouth- closing your lips around him. You hum, innocently locking eyes with him.

You had no idea what you just started.

A devilish grin tugs on the corners of his mouth at the sight of you taking his thumb. You hallow your cheeks, sucking gently.

“What a good little slut.” He purrs. Bucky removes his thumb and stands.

“But, you’re not getting off that easily. Come.”

You stand to your feet moving to stand in front of him. The throbbing increases between your thighs and the arousal seeping through your panties. Bucky looks down at you touching your shoulder and neck. He finally rests his hand on your cheek, rubbing the flesh gently. You swallow, tensing and untensing your jaw. Bucky sense your nerves,

“It’s okay, princess- you’ll only be a little sore.” Your heart skips a beat.

Your panties are now drenched in your wetness and you swear he could hear the throbbing. You dreamt for this day. He pulls your lips to his. Finally meeting yours. It is slow and passionate; you didn’t know if you could touch him- but he has his hands holding the sides of your face.

“On your knees.” His voice is low and dark.

You drop to your knees. You’re now eye to eye with his bulge. The hardened cock makes your mouth water. You lick your lips, looking at him before you reach for his belt. He nods granting you permission. The belt is undone along with the button of his dress pants. Your slow movements have Bucky in a trance. His eyes don’t leave you.

You tug the pants down, his length still trapped behind the black briefs. You feel his length and hear a low groan escapes his mouth. You place small pecks on top of the clothed member. You are salivating with every kiss, growing more eager. The underwear is pulled down, freeing the aggravated cock. It’s red and looks like it is going to burst within seconds. The girth and length surprises you and you begin to wonder if you can even fit him inside you- let alone your mouth. Nerves build within you and hesitantly look up at Professor Bucky.

“I don’t know if it will fit,” Your voice is quiet, he chuckles and lifts your chin once more.

“Make it fit.” His voice is just above a whisper, but dark and stern.

At that moment you realize that this wasn’t going to be a quick punishment. He is going to make you wish you never wore short dresses, late to his class, or cum in front of him. Bucky licks his lips in awe of how beautiful you looked kneeling in front of him. All the fantasies are about to come true.

You take his length in your small hands; you use both hands to warm him up- slowly building him up. The strokes begin slow and sloppy. Your thumb going over his tip. It’s angry and swollen, it’s begging to be drained. You rub small circles around it- mimicking your movements from earlier. Bucky’s breathing becomes slow pants. The pleasure building with each stroke.

You mentally prepare yourself, collecting all the saliva you could to the front of your mouth. You flicker your eyes up, the grin that grows on his face as you close your lips around his tip encourages you. His fingers tangle in your hair, gripping the strands at the root.

“Yes, take my cock in your mouth you filthy slut.” You hum around him.

He begins to slowly push your head closer to his pelvis, forcing you to take more of him. You were only halfway down his shaft when you gripped his thighs for support. Your ankles are crossed behind you and you are leaning back sitting on your feet.

Bucky didn’t care about staying silent. His low grunts and heavy pants left his lips as he grips your hair. The pure bliss he is experiencing is unlike anyone he’s had before. Based on your performance, he knew that you have had experience before. The thought of other men in your mouth drove him insane. His grip on your hair guides your mouth up and down his cock. He became more aggressive with his grip, quickening his pace.

“I just know you’ve been dreaming about my cock filling your mouth, hm? You’re such a stupid slut- wanting to suck your professor’s cock,” He moans.

You’re gagging on his length, trying your hardest to keep from pulling off of him. You hallow your cheeks adding extra pleasure and using one hand to pump the length while he guides your head. The longer you’re taking him in your mouth the less air you’re getting, the veins in your neck become prominent. You dig your nails into his thigh. Bucky hisses at the feeling of your nails sinking into his skin.

“That’s right, princess. You feel so good around my cock,” He purrs watching the tears forming from in the corners of your eyes.

You can’t take anymore without feeling like you were going to choke. Bucky feels the resistance of you attempting to pull off of him. He pushes your head fully down his length, causing a pornographic moan to leave his lips. Bucky yanks the roots of your hair, ripping you off his length. You gasp for air and cough at the sudden ability to breathe. Saliva coats your lips and his thighs.

“You better finish what you started.” Bucky hisses,

You nod wiping your mouth. This time around, he has precum oozing from his tip. You gather it with your thumb and coat the rest of his length, using it as lubrication. You take him once more, this time using both hands and your mouth. The combo is enough to send Bucky into orbit, but when you start sucking his tip and swirling your tongue around it- he knew it would be a matter of seconds before he would release his load.

“You taste so good, Professor.” You hum against his tip, your movements become faster- not bothering with a slow build.

Bucky grips the edge of the desk, you hear the vibranium cracking through the wood. The sound only eggs you on. The sounds of your slurping and moans, cause Bucky to twitch inside your mouth- signaling he is gonna cum at any moment.

Within seconds your mouth is filled with strings of cum. Bucky’s hips buck as your mouth continues to suck him off. The taste of him has become addicting, you want every last drop of him. You pull off of him, wiping up the spilled cum on your chin. Sucking it off of your finger.

“Shit, princess. You did so well finishing every drop.” He pulls you up from your knees.

“-but that doesn’t mean you’re done. You still need to be punished for your behavior in class. Do you understand?” You nod.

Bucky walks behind his desk. You follow, nervous about what your punishment will be.

“You’ve been a bad girl, Y/N. Bend over.” You do as you say.

Your breast smush against the dark wood, your eyes fixated on the photographs of him with family and friends. You smirk to yourself and look back at him. Bucky’s fingers trail up the backs of your thighs. He lifts the pretty blue sundress, finally seeing that perfect ass up close. Bucky’s cock throbs again when he sees that the underwear you’re wearing the cheeky white lace. So innocent, he thought. Bucky runs his palm over the meaty flesh, gripping and jiggling it. He moans at its effortless movement.

“Fuck!” You yelp, his palm makes contact with your ass cheek.

“I told you, princess. You need to be punished. Count them.” Another rough smack.

“Two.” The tears returning to your eyes, but the pleasure overpowers the pain.

You arch your back, wiggling your ass higher in the air, this time, he is able to get a sneak peek of the covered cunt that lived in his mind.

“Three,” This time, your eyes roll back and you’re seeing stars.

Bucky takes notice of just how soaked you are. He pulls the lace with his metal fingers, tearing through them in an effortless tug. The strings of arousal follow the fabric as it is thrown to the ground.

“Oh? You like getting punished? You soaked through your panties. You really are a fucking whore.” He runs his middle finger down your center, your body twitches once he reaches your swollen and needy clit. Bucky kneels, coming face to face with the glistening beauty. His dream is coming to a reality, he is finally going to taste you.

His tongue dips between your folds, causing you to gasp at the unexpected pleasure. Your ass is still in the air and his hands are gripping your inner thigh, pulling them apart, allowing more access to your sopping cunt.

“Just like I imagined it, so fucking sweet.” He is breathless, the taste of you becomes his new favorite flavor.

Bucky’s tongue licks up the access arousal and his thumb rubs small circles around your clit, making you whine against his desk. His mouth begins to place open mouth kisses against you, his tongue dipping inside you. You need something to grip and release the pent-up pleasure but result to releasing through you moans and whines. It is music to Bucky’s ears.

He pulls away from your dripping cunt, kicking your legs open, spreading them- giving him the best access he could get. His mouth returns to you. But this time giving full attention to your clit.

“I’m too big for your hole, princes. I have to stretch you out.” You whine, as his middle and ring finger slide inside you.

You’re a whimpering mess on his desk as his mouth and fingers switched places. His fingers stretching you out and his mouth on your clit. Bucky moans into you at the feeling of your pussy pulsating against his fingers. You are in pure bliss as he pumps his fingers, occasionally curling- hitting the spongey flesh of your g-spot. He swirls his tongue around your clit, sucking on it and releasing it with a pop. You feel yourself hurdling towards your orgasm. The pulsating becomes quicker, and the moans are now endless streams. Bucky knew you’re close to cumming around his fingers, but you had already came today. He removes his fingers and mouth in one swoop, leaving you breathless and irritated.

“You already came today; only well-behaved whores get to cum.”

You stare back at him in anger. Your cheeks are flushed red and you’re panting like you just ran a marathon. He takes amusement at the sight of you looking like a mess.

“Professor, please! I’ve been a good girl!” You whine, wiggling your ass backwards.

“I’ll think about it. It depends on how well you take this cock, princess.” You nod your head, bracing yourself.

Bucky pumps himself a few times before he slides his tip against your cunt. You dreamed of the moment you would feel him inside you. Him sliding into you and filling you up. The need and desire overtaking you and bucking your hips into his cock.

“I said to be good.” A more aggressive smack lands on your ass, this time he used the vibranium. You yelp in pain, knowing there is going to be a handprint on your ass. Branding you.

You gasp at the sudden fullness.

“I was going to be gentle, since you are not used to a cock as big as me, but since you want to be an inpatient slut- now I’m not going too.” Bucky rams his cock into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size.

He grunts at the sound of your whines and whimpers. He grips your hips using it to increase his speed. The purple and red marks form, where his fingers dig into you. Bucky groans at how tight you feel around him. The resistance from your walls getting him closer and closer.

Bucky continues at his pace while, but this time gripping the back of your neck. He tugs you back, lifting you. Your hands palm down on the desk, using it as stability. One of his hands pins your hands behind your back. Bucky pulls you back, flushing your bodies together. His fingers wrap around your neck. Your head falls back against his shoulder moaning at the sensation of his fingers around your throat. Bucky’s rhythm doesn’t slow down now that you’re standing. Your legs are still wide allowing him to go deep and hard.

“You’re such a dirty fucking slut, you know that?” You couldn’t even think.

You have entered another world. Your hands are still pinned behind you and your eyes are rolling back from the feeling of his other. All you could do is moan and sink into his cock.

“Fucking yourself in front of the class and cumming all over yourself- you fucking loved the idea of getting caught huh? I bet you would love someone to walk through that door and catch me fucking your sweet cunt.”

His words only push you further into nirvana. Your legs begin to feel weak, and the responsibility of standing is becoming too much. Bucky notices the sudden inability to stand.

“You gonna cum, princess?” You are barely able to function. You moan in response and he thrusts quicken- if that is even possible.

“Cum, princess. Cum around my cock,”

You see stars as a wave of pleasure washes overtakes you and you feel pure ecstasy. Your cunt contracts around his cock, sending Bucky over the edge. His cock pulsating and shoot loads of cum inside you, filling you once more.

“Fuck!” He moans one last time.

He collapses on top of you. Your hands catching your bodies as you lay pressed against his desk once again. Bucky pulls himself out of you, leaking with cum. You whimper at the sudden loss of fullness.

Your legs felt weak and standing on your own seemed like an impossible task. You are trying to catch your breath. The high cooling off and you regain the ability to talk.

You push yourself up, feeling the cum run onto your inner thigh. Bucky grabs a handful of tissues, wiping away the cum. He helps you sit down on his chair. Your breathing finally slows and the adrenaline wears off. You begin to feel the aftermath of every mark and muscle. You groan as you try to move from the seat.

Bucky walks over to you handing you a bottle of water and switches places with you, so you are now on his lap.

“I told you would be a little sore,” He chuckles, placing a kiss on your temple.

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2K notes · View notes

yostresswritinggirl · 3 years

Note

hi! ik sojourner's already ended but i have an(other?) idea in case u ever pick it up since i love ur albedo 😳😳 ok so

what abt a reader who is rlly excited abt alchemy, but they avoid talking abt it bc they start rambling and stuttering and stumbling over their words bc they're so excited? they get assigned/asked to go w/ albedo bc they're rlly good at alchemy too, but they end up fidgeting a lot, muttering and stopping just a few words in before their volume rises and giving short answers when w/ him bc they're afraid of rambling (since they do it to think better when alone, sometimes insulting and arguing w the objects when they don't get the expected result) & being seen as annoying or unprofessional?? i'd like to see how he reacts to these and what he'd think!! and how or when he discovers the reason reader is acting like that

it's kinda (a lot, rlly skowkskdk i always have ideas but never write them) specific, but i rlly like the idea!! i'd love to see what u do w/ it if u ever pick it up in the future :D hope you're staying hydrated and well🥺🥰 -🌌

What do you mean Sojourner's already ended, Sojourner is eternal, Sojourner is forever-

Kidding aside, this is too cute to pass up, even if it's quite a lot! Cute Albedo brainrot moments always please. It might be too much sometimes but I hope you enjoy my interpretation of it! Scenarios format! Starry night, oh I'm always hydrated, thank you and I hope you're well!

For the Record

Albedo working with a Reader that's highly enthusiastic about alchemy but insecure about rambling... (masterlist)

You dealt with Alchemy a year before the Kreideprinz entered Mondstadt, your attunement to the mystic arts baffling and intriguing you every time. During that period, you're not really sure of what art you're doing but in the end, you kept doing great that the people had acknowledged your talents.

Through your own effort and self-study even if unnamed, you managed to put your talent into this art of Alchemy and created discoveries regarding powders and mineral-focused ingredients. It was a shame there was no one to share it to, and when you talk to scholars/practitioners alike, you end up rambling so much to the point that on their end you barely make sense. Whether this was caused by your eaten words or lax and personalized vocabulary over the matter, you're not sure.

Their confused and judgmental stare haunts you, leaving you alone with your raging thoughts and overworking mind when you just want to learn and expand your discoveries to other people without driving them away. Your enthusiasm is great and all, but it's not enough to make others understand.

So when the Chalk Prince entered Mondstadt, blessing the city with his scholarly knowledge and boundless creations, he easily made a name for himself and in extension the city itself.

Before Sucrose and Timaeus, you were called upon by the Grand Master Varka to accompany Albedo and be his temporary assistant seeing as his field in the division is still quite new and you were the only other 'Alchemist' in town besides him. You're both giddy and nervous, like really, really nervous.

You've heard of Albedo and maybe a caught a glimpse or two, but you've never actually interacted enough to know exactly what he looks like or how he is as a person. All you know is that he's a very, very attractive person overall.

"Good-looking, carries this aura of wisdom around him, he's just really charming," were the words that rang through your mind as you pointedly watched your steps, following the carpets leading to Ordo Favonius' laboratory while Lisa's words rang through your head.

Is he really that kind of person? You've heard that he's quite stoic too, but if he's really that distracting, you're scared that it would be harder for you to focus and help out. Honestly how would you even deal with him when your fields of Alchemy are so different from each other?

You have no idea how long you've been thinking, standing in contemplation in front of the set of double doors that leads to the workshop with nothing but doubt in your mind. But upon realizing the teal gaze of another person silently waiting instead of wooden doors, you figured it was far too long.

"Ah, I'm sorry! I was in my head, I wasn't expecting you to-!" You flailed your hands around comically before abruptly stopping, noticing the now confused stare of Albedo of which are distracted by your hands. Clearing your throat, you extended a hand towards him to shake, trying to stare anywhere but his face. "I'm (Y/N), I'll be your assistant until you're well settled in the city. It's nice to meet you, Ma-"

His hand finds yours in a firm grip, a firm shake so sudden you bit your tongue back, "Albedo, Kreideprinz of the Art of Kemia, but just Albedo is fine, I'll be under your care."

Albedo finds it intriguing and surprisingly not that distracting whenever you talk to yourself or to the ingredients whenever you so much as feel the slightest frustration. "Ugh, this Zinc powder is so stubborn, clingy," you angrily mumbled under your breath as you washed off the blue powder that spilled at your hand, "So, so clingy." Since you're facing the sink, you couldn't see the way he was holding himself from laughing audibly at your amusing antics.

You seemed lively and open, is what Albedo thought when he first met you. But this observation soon shattered when he kept getting hanged upon your abrupt stops when delving into your field, something he was really irked about the first few times. Your art of Alchemy is much different from his and he's wishing that you'd clarify and expound all your learnings to him, but in the end, you somehow step back everytime your words became lengthy.

Are you hiding something? Did you not want him to learn the same arts as yours? If those were the case, he couldn't bring himself to ask a simple question such ad why. Every time it crosses his mind, it brings a purse of a pout to his lips and furrowed eyebrows.

Every response you gave always hints even tiny bits of trivias and tips he's never heard, Albedo always takes note of your spills that always cuts before reaching its climax. "-sorry, yes, this is activated charcoal Geo and Pyro slimes reaction." He lets out an audible sigh upon your retreat, your frustrated mind too occupied to notice.

"Please," his desperation drips in his word when he looks at you with eyes filled with raw emotion you'd never know he'd be able to pull off. Your tightly locked lips only pressed on further at his puppy eyes, "Please continue, I wish to know more about your Alchemy, if you would be so kind."

"It's not really- I'm not really the best at explaining it..." You're almost fidgeting, cheeks aching from tensing and warmth. But he regarded you with a blank stare, forcing you to fill the silence, "If I- If I start, my ramblings may not uhm they're not easy to comprehend... or something."

Albedo had been watching more than he'd like to admit, and he's come to relieved (yet still confused) realization that your treatment with him wasn't his alone. You always step back before things get lengthy, words then cutting short and concise with a steeled expression. Lips caught between teeth.

"I digress," his hand motions to yourself to emphasize his next clause. "As your field and sole practitioner of this art, like my own condition, your word of mouth is the best ground of knowledge."

If he was irritated, he's doing a very good job in hiding it. And even with the respectable yet close distance in between you still felt cornered. This is still your master and it's not professional to refuse a scholarly talk, "The electro crystals when charged... ionized? create sparks, while also producing the same result when smacking- mining!"

The scribbles of his pen against his clipboard as he nods in attention urges you on, realizing his focus and sincere interest on the topic, "So when you put the little tidbits or even powdered version in a beaker thingy, depending on the material, they interact with the spark. Honestly, I'm unsure yet how lethal it is but if you put the sparks under fire too, they make like those makeshift gunpowder as well as additional reactions such as-!"

The lilt and proceeding high pitch in your voice usually signifies the approach of your insecurity as well as the climax of your enthusiasm. At this point, you pull your hand up to shut your mouth forcefully, and when Albedo really detests the abrupt end of the conversation his hand would shoot forward to grasp your own.

He'd intertwine your fingers to distract, before urging you to continue with a challenging stare, as if daring you to use your other hand to pull that off again. This whole scene felt oddly scandalous, but oh boy does it send your mind into a bambling, overloaded mess. A heated head forces your lips open even if they sometimes come out in a jumbled string, he learns to decipher them.

The more you get used to or feel more comfortable, Albedo uses that fondness skillfully whenever he wants. "Can you tell me more about the scarlet chunks from Dragonspine?" He throws it so casually in the silence as you two work back to back in your stations, without a beat as your mind is partially preoccupied, you answered into a narrative of trivia. It almost feels like you're talking to the flames of the bunsen while you wait, but Albedo smiles at the now filled silence as he listens with divided attention.

He really likes your voice, and the word of wonders you bring along with you.

"For the record, I don't mind it at all," his breath hovers on your lips, cold and prickly, "Whatever comes out of these lips, I want to hear it all."

That last part eheh

Woah, this went long. Like reader babbling hahaha. I said I'm gonna speedrun, not freaking write this long smh

@zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22 @yellowflowre @traveler-lumine @nonniechan @creation-magician @hanniejji @gojos-baby @just-some-stars @volleybloop @tartuu @moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @albaedhoe @xiaophilia @heisenwurst @childe-simp-exe

#genshin impact x reader #Albedo x Reader #exile.goblet #exile.flower #sojourner special #genshin impact #imagines #gender neutral #fluff #anon 🌌

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its-deputy-caleb · 3 years

Note

If you're feeling up to writing a bit of Mikey, could I please request him being an asshat to everyone and being told off by his S/O after he asks Jack if he wants to earn a dollar?

(You know the part where he says to ask Arthur about the stick up his butt?)

He's such a dickhead and I find myself telling the screen off when he does it! 😂

His S/O giving him a slap and a bollocking after he kicks Cain, then they fuss over Cain and force Micah to make friends with him.

I dunno, it's up to you 😂 You could write any scenario you want, I'll still love it 😘😘

i am always up to writing for a bit of mikey (that nickname is so cute) but ngl i had no idea how to write this or put this together. I watched the clips again so i could get it accurate but i changed it bc i didn't know if u wanted a happy ending or not but i hope i delivered <33 also u asked for either and i gave u both :)

------------------------

Clemens Point was a strange place with even stranger people. After leaving valentine in a hurry it seems the entire gang was on edge and ready to blow like a stick of dynamite. It seems having to act like upstanding heartfelt citizens to the Grays and the Braithwaites has meant everyone is that aggravated and pent up.

On more than one occasion you’d seen Sadie lose it when Pearson got to pushy with chores and it seems Abigail and John couldn’t stand to have a normal conversation for five minutes before one of them broke. It wasn’t much better with Dutch and Hosea who were constantly disagreeing on the right moves for the gang, although they were much more civil about it.

You did your best to keep out of everyone’s way, to avoid the confrontation but knowing your luck you’d end up getting involved one way or another.

You were returning to camp one sweltering hot afternoon with Sadie after you finished collecting the gang’s weekly stock from the general store. You were only half listening to the hustle around the camp as you were too busy listening to Sadie tell you all about Pearson’s dear aunt Cathy. You stepped off the wagon and headed to the back to start unloading some of the supplies when the sound of Micah’s voice could be heard talking to Jack.

“How’d ya like to earn a dollar?”

His voice with thick with malice as he hunched over the wooden table. In Micah’s hands was a silver nickel that he fiddled with between his fingers, much like you’d seen of him do with his knife. Your eyes found Jack who was almost reluctant to get anywhere near the man who you knew scared him. However, being the innocent child that he was his eyes lit up at the sight of something shiny.

“A dollar? Sure.”

You carried the heavy bag of potatoes over to Pearson’s wagon as you went back for another round of supplies but you kept the boy in the corner of your eye.

“Well…go on up to old Arthur Morgan, ask him about the pole he’s got stuck up his ass and I’ll give ya a dollar.”

Micah’s face lit up in a smirk, his accent thick and his typical evil giggle falling from his mouth. He sat back on the chair, satisfied at the mischief he’s caused.

Before you could get anywhere Jack had run off to where Arthur was sitting in his tent, reading over a letter. You placed another round of ammunition into Strauss’ wagon, dropping it hastily and running as you saw Arthur walk right up to Micah with a murderous look in his eye.

“I’ll give you a dollar if you shut your—“

Arthur didn’t get to finish his insult before you stepped in front of him with a soft hand on his shoulder. You gave him a soft smile and a nod, quietly saying to your dear friend that you’d handle this.

With that you turned with your own look of anger directed to Micah. Everyone knew you loved him but they also knew you didn’t hesitate to call him out and get him to behave when you had to.

“Micah leave the damn boy alone!”

He scoffed like he wasn’t offended you didn’t defend him and instead chose to call him out. Micah’s hands came up in his signal of fake defeat as he slowly backed away from his place at the table, acting as if he was nothing more than the innocent bystander and not the one who nearly ended up on the ground with a broken nose for starting it.

You watched as Micah lingered around the edge of the camp, his eyes trained to yours as he lit a cigarette but you ignored him. Instead you walked over to Jack, smiling softly and taking his hand to lead him to the river’s edge.

“Common, why don’t we go see if we can find any beautiful rock on the sand, hmm? I’m sure your mother would love such a beautiful gift.”

Of course, it wasn’t more than a few days later when you ran into trouble again with Micah. You’d spent your time ignoring him mostly, instead choosing to go hunting with Charles and Arthur, practice your throwing knives with Javier and help teach Jack to read. You knew how badly it pissed Micah off to do things without him but he needed to understand that there was a way to treat people, especially with people you considered family.

You rolled up your sleeves, using your forearm to wipe the sweat from your forehead as you picked up the knife and started cutting carrots and potatoes for tonights stew.

“Are you a good boy? Yes you are! The best boy”

Your head came up to notice bill sitting against the log by the campfire, scratching under Cain’s chin and giving the energetic dog pats along the back. You couldn’t help but smile at the new addition to the gang and how happy it made you to see Bill less stressed. It seemed that having Cain made everyone feel more caring and loving.

All except Micah.

“You’re the fool that feed’s him Marion. He ain’t nothing more than a filthy mongrel and an extra mouth to feed.”

Micah had stood from his place on the opposite side of the campfire to antagonise Bill. A frustrated noise leaves you as you slam the knife down on the wooden bench, ready to storm over there and chew Micah’s ear off. You take a step forward only for Miss Grimshaw, who was working next to you, to grab your arm and stop you before you get any further.

“There is a time and a place dear, don’t make it worse.”

Of course you knew Susan was just trying to keep another argument from happening but you push past her when you see Micah inching towards Cain who had left his spot at Bill’s feet to hide by a wagon. In a split second decision you pick the knife you’re cooking with and use it like a throwing knife to get his attention. The knife swings through the air, not getting near anyone, it wasn’t like you actually wanted to stab Micah no matter how badly he could get on your nerves and watched as it got wedged into the tree behind him.

Micah’s head shot up, his foot moving away from Cain and stared dumbfounded and shocked, unused to seeing you so skilfully throw a knife but your practices paid off. You walked right into his personal space, taping your finger against his chest.

“Don’t. You. Dare”

Micah’s first response was to try and sweet-talk his way out of it like he always does but you were in no mood to deal with his slyness.

“Dare to do what sweetheart? Common now… weren’t gonna do nothin—“

Your hand came to give Micah a crisp slap across the cheek, apart of you was shocked that you’d even do such a thing but the other half of you was furious.

“Don’t underestimate for a minute that I won’t dump you right now and throw you out of camp Micah. I’m not some stranger you can sweet-talk when you get in trouble. I swear, if I see you go anywhere near Cain the knife isn’t going to hit the tree next time.”

Micah’s eyebrows shoot up in shock as you lecture him in front of almost the entire gang. Even Dutch put his book down when he heard your slap. He was lost for words, truely, having now other thought as he watched you walk away back to preparing tonights stew. He didn’t move from his place until he heard you whistle for Cain to sit by your feet, where he went and meandered off into the forest to give you space. All he knew was that he must have fucked up bad if you threatened to leave him.

A few hours later you’d managed to calm down, watching the sunset after Ms Grimshaw gave you the rest of the night off to relax at how pent up you were. Now sitting here you couldn’t help but feel like you may have over reacted but Micah had pushed your buttons one too many times and if Micah was going to listen to anyone it would be you. You let out a soft but hearty sigh as the tension and stress from your shoulders left with your breath. Your body relaxed against the tree and you watched the sun gently dip below the horizon.

It was well and truely dark before you heard the rustling of grass and the thud of someone sitting next to you. You thought it may have been Arthur coming to check on you but that thought died when arms wrapped around your waist and you felt Micah rest his chin on your shoulder, his stringy hair tickling your face at the gentle breeze.

“…M’ sorry…”

A very quiet and forced apology was pulled from Micah as he cuddled into you, mumbling it into your shoulder at the pain of actually having to apologise.

“Sorry won’t cut it Micah. You have to stop treating people that I care about— people that are family better.”

Micah sighs, the defeated, tired one that shows he’s willing to listen because no matter how badly he stirs up trouble, the thought of losing you is enough to have him turn his mind around.

“I know…gonna make it up to ya I promise.”

A soft and very cautious kiss is placed on your shoulder with Micah knowing he’s still not forgiven by you yet.

“You’re damn well gonna make it up to me. Firstly you’re apologising to Jack first thing tomorrow and secondly you need to pull your weight for this gang— and no I’m not talking about robbing another coach. To start you can sit on guard duty with me and you can wash my clothes.”

“I’ll just buy you new clothes”

You give Micah a death glare as you tilt your head to look at him. Instantly his teasing smirk leaves and his arms come to wrap tighter around your body, resting his hands on your stomach and intertwining your fingers.

“Alright, alright… guard duty ain’t so bad.”

You sit together for a while in a comfortable silence. All the energy from today had left you and you no longer had it in you to keep arguing. You’d hold Micah to his promise to do better but for now you leant back into his embrace and rested your head against his.

“Can I at least sleep in the tent tonight?”

You smiled softly as you hummed in contemplation just to tease him. Micah hadn’t come to sleep in your shared tent since the day he messed with Jack and both of you had missed each other despite the frustration and anger you had.

“Hmm, we’ll see.”

Micah thinks you’ve said no, panicking internally but is stopped when you turn your head and place a soft kiss to his cheek over the mark from where you’d slapped him not so long ago. It wasn’t the kiss that he wanted but he still needed to make it up to you before you gave him what he wanted.

You reached a soft hand up behind you, cradling his head and rubbing your thumb over his sore cheek.

“Is your cheek okay?”

Micah let out a gravelly noise, deep from his chest as he leaned into your hand.

“Ain’t gotta worry sweetheart, I’ve survived much worse”

You don’t get to reply when a tentative and cautious Cain makes his way over to the two of you. You pat your leg and he curls up beside you with his head resting on your leg and his tail thumbing, relaxed and happy.

Micah on the other hand was not relaxed or happy as he tensed up and moved away from the dog and you. If it wasn’t for your hand holding the back of his head he probably would’ve jumped away.

“Micah Cain isn’t going to hurt you, he just wants attention like you. See? No need to be afraid.”

To prove your point you reach a hand out and gently brush over his short, grey fur, watching as he perks up.

“I ain’t afraid!”

You would’ve believed him if you didn’t catch the waver in his voice but you knew. You knew after seeing him be spooked by the animal more than once around camp.

The hand that was still intertwined with his gently guided his hand pat Cain, letting him slowly get comfortable to him.

It took some time but finally Micah had gotten used to Cain enough to realise he was clearly not a threat. At some point Cain had moved over to Micah’s side, resting beside him as the night became later.

A yawn left you and you slowly sank into Micah’s embrace, your eyelids falling shut as you dozed, clearly exhausted.

Holding Micah to his promise was a job for tomorrow, but for now you let yourself fall asleep in his arms, the tent be damned.

#in the video micah is totally scared of cain #the man is terrified lmao #im also addicted to the nickname mikey now #adroable #and ignore the errors i have not edited this #micah bell x reader #micah bell imagine #micah bell #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2

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patchofsunlight · 4 years

Text

Warmth | Zuko x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Avatar!Reader AU | Zuko has made many mistakes and holds uncountable regrets, but maybe Y/N can still love him back. Spoiler: she does.

REQUEST (by anon): “Could you do a zuko with maybe a f! avatar? Him falling in love with her like how they joked in ember island play. And him being tormented when she 'dies' in cross roads and them having some tender moment of confessing either in the western temple or ember island? maybe the play has the kiss and he confesses idk”

WORD COUNT: 5.3k

WARNINGS: Y/N is the Avatar, so Aang doesn’t exist. kissing, there might be swear words but I don’t really remember, bad editing. lots of mutual pining and some angst. I don’t know if I did this request justice but I really tried?

OBSERVATIONS: there’s a bit of Sokka x Reader bc I’m a weak woman but in the end he’s the main Zuko and Y/N shipper. not having Aang seriously hurt me. I wrote most of the Zuko sad rant in the beginning listening to Words Fail by Ben Platt and I think it would be interesting if you guys listened to that while reading? idk

I hope you all like it!!! feedback is always appreciated, so keep that in mind and thank you very much for reading!!

There was a hole inside his chest that Zuko simply couldn’t get rid of. It hurt him to his core, bringing pained sobs to the edge of his throat and slowly dismantling his soul.

He always thought getting rid of Y/N would quench his anger, rebuild his honor and complete his destiny. Now, his father accepted him again, Mai was his girlfriend, and Azula treated him like a true brother, in her own deranged ways. The Fire Nation considered him a hero, the man who killed the Avatar.

Then why did it trouble him so much? Why did he wake up every night in a cold sweat, with tears stinging his eyes? Why did he have the same nightmare over and over where he was the one responsible for her death, hitting her with lightning and watching as the light inside her disappeared, leaving behind only her idle body and Katara’s desperate cries? Why couldn’t he be satisfied? He had fulfilled his fate. He had done what he was meant to do, sided with his people, and fought against his greatest enemy. Why wasn’t he happy? Why couldn’t he ever be happy?

Back in Ba Sing Se, he saw her at the Jasmine Dragon more than once. He couldn’t believe his eyes when she first entered the teashop, and he was pretty sure she had recognized him, but Y/N managed to send a polite smile in his direction and sit down, greeting “Mushi” with joy. When Zuko served her tea, she asked him what his name was as if she didn’t know. She didn’t confront nor attack him — she simply let him live his new life and went on living hers. It felt like she had washed off his sins, erased the bloodstains he carried in his soul and hands. Y/N freed him of his past and he had thrown it all away.

It was the right thing to do, he had told himself day after day after day. Except it wasn’t, and now Iroh refused to talk to him and the Avatar was probably dead and, in the case she wasn’t, she would never forgive him. She wouldn’t let him be free of himself again and he would never get redemption for his mistakes.

He wished he could go back in time and fight alongside Y/N in that crystal cave, wished he could live up to the trust Katara offered him before they were saved, wished he could have stopped Azula from throwing that lightning bolt. He wished he could do things in the right way, yet he couldn’t. Zuko tried so hard to regain his so-called honor and to bring his father pride but his only real achievement was engulfing himself in guilt and regret, being aware that powerful and forgiving Y/N could be dead because of his lack of dignity and character — this couldn’t be honor. Violence, betrayal, death, and hurt couldn’t be honor, and he wasn’t sure he wanted his father’s pride if it meant feeling like this, like he was no good, like he was not worthy of love or praise or admiration.

Zuko had spent a great part of his life hating himself, but nothing compared to the hate he felt every night after waking up from another crushing nightmare. How dared he make this about himself and his feelings of guilt when the Avatar could be dead? How dared he worry about the Fire Lord’s pride when the world’s last hope was gone? How dared he indulge in self-pity after all he had done? He didn’t deserve pity, didn’t deserve help, he only deserved to wallow in his own pain and die. But that wouldn’t fix anything, neither would it bring Y/N back — he had to act, and he had to do it fast.

Going after Team Avatar was not difficult. He thought he would feel complicated like he had when first betraying Y/N’s trust, thought it would hurt like coming back to the Fire Nation did. Thankfully, leaving only caused a new type of satisfaction to bloom inside his chest, giving him the sensation he was finally walking through the right path. Hope seemed to pour out of every pore in his body and he could somehow think of better, future days when he would have done enough to make up for his mistakes, days when he didn’t feel the urge to scream every time he looked at a mirror. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to despise himself like he currently did, maybe things would be okay and he would be truly happy, if that was even something he had the capability to do.

But then they didn’t want him. He left everything behind, he charged every inch of his hope with the idea of joining the Avatar, and they didn’t want him. Why would they? Why would they, after everything he had done? How could he have even considered they would accept him, that she would trust him again? Of course they didn’t want him. No one did and no one ever would and that was entirely his fault — it was his fault that he was a bad person, took the wrong decisions, and caused pain and destruction. It was his fault he never did the right thing and he should’ve known he would be rejected again, for being rejected was just what he deserved.

But it still hurt. Oh, Spirits, it hurt. She couldn’t even look at him, even after he helped them defeat Combustion Man and was finally accepted in the group. Sadly, it made Zuko realize that, no matter where he stood, he would never be a part of their team, and Y/N would never trust him entirely. For some reason, that was more upsetting than their rejection. He wanted to impress her, wanted her to like him, and she never would.

“Y/N? Can I—can I come in?”

The Avatar looked up from the map she was currently analysing on her bed, studying his figure carefully before nodding with hesitance, “yes. Do you need something?”

He sighed deeply and walked towards her, feeling his heart crack when she brought her legs closer to her body and away from him the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, “I—I just wanted to talk to you about, well, you know, everything.”

Her expression hardened and she averted her eyes back to the map, “we have nothing to talk about, Zuko. You can go back to your room.”

The Fire Nation Prince swallowed nervously, “Y/N, please. I’m so, so sorry. I have made so many mistakes, I—”

“Zuko,” her voice was firm and emotionless, but that quickly changed when she met his gaze, “I thought things could be different. I thought things could be different back in the North Pole, when we first talked to each other and you told me about Azula. I thought things could be different when you saved me as the Blue Spirit. And I was so convinced things would be different when we met again in Ba Sing Se that I—” she scoffed at her own words, “I had a crush on you, can you believe that? That’s why I visited the teashop so regularly, I just wanted to see you. Stupid, of course. I should’ve known.”

Zuko was sure she could hear his anxious heart beating from the other side of the bed. They were less than a foot away, and yet it felt like miles. He didn’t want her to think about him like that, he didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. Damn, she used to have a crush on him, she liked him, and he screwed everything up like usual. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m—I’m here now, I’m on your side.”

“Yeah, but I thought you were on my side back then too. Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You need to teach me firebending and that’s the only reason you’re allowed here. Talking is unnecessary.”

“Please, I—”

“You should leave, Prince Zuko,” he flinched at the title escaping her lips, hating how it sounded bitter coming from her, “I have really important matters to deal with. We’ll start my firebending training tomorrow.”

“Y/N—”

“Leave, Zuko.”

With a heaviness inside his stomach, he left the room, missing if by a second the frustrated tear that ran down Y/N’s cheek. She wanted to trust him, but how could she? How could she let him in after his betrayal? She had always been forgiving, but she refused to be naive — seeing Zuko side with Azula in the crystal caves hurt her deeply and shoved her little crush on him down her throat. She couldn’t go through that again, it would be simply idiotic to. Y/N had to stand her ground. She wouldn’t be hurt by him again.

-----

“Hey, jerks. Mind if I watch you two jerks do your jerkbending?”

“Get out of—” Zuko was interrupted by the Avatar’s laughter. Sokka smiled softly at her, cheeks blushing. For some reason, that only managed to piss Zuko off even more, “get out of here!”

“Okay, take it easy. I was just kidding around,” the Water Tribe boy winked at Y/N, “see you later?”

“Sure, we still need to see that part of the temple we found yesterday. Exploration partners!”

“Exploration partners!” he agreed with a chuckle and turned away from them. “Bye, Y/N. Jerkbending… Still got it.”

Zuko glanced at her with irritation while she watched Sokka leave. He felt already incredibly frustrated for not being able to produce his fire and not knowing why, he definitely did not need to watch as Sokka and Y/N flirted.

They would make a cute couple, though, and she smiled so brightly at him it was physically painful to watch. He wanted her to smile like that at him, look like that at him. But she wouldn’t — she was over her crush and had no reason to ever feel anything towards him again, not after what he had done. He didn’t deserve her love anyway, so maybe it was for the best.

“So? Any progress, Sifu Hotman?”

“I told you not to call me that,” he snarled angrily and she sighed.

“Sorry, Sifu Hotman.”

“This was a mistake,” he sat down roughly, ignoring the ache on his legs due to the sudden movement, “maybe teaching you firebending is not my destiny.”

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, not understanding, “what do you mean?”

“How can I teach you anything when I’ve lost my fire, Y/N?” he chuckled sadly, letting one of his hands go through his hair in distress. “I wanted to be on the good side of the war and I can’t even make myself useful.”

“You haven’t lost your fire, Zuko,” her voice was careful, “I think you’re just going through some internal conflict and that’s reflecting on your bending, but if you were meant to teach me firebending, you will. Your destiny is still your destiny regardless, Sifu Hotman.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the Avatar! I’m not even sure who I am anymore, but you have always known what your destiny was.”

“Yeah, and I was scared of it,” she smiled softly, “I ran away and disappeared for a hundred years. People died because of my absence. I have made mistakes, and I have failed many, many times. Sadly, that doesn’t make me less of an Avatar. Zuko, if you must be my teacher, it’s gonna work. We’ll figure things out and you will get your fire back. Okay?”

He stared inside her eyes. There was still some sort of mistrust in them — she was willing to help him because she needed him, but still suspicious. She wasn’t really sure he was on their side, but this was a start. He was going to fix everything and he would make her proud. He would make Y/N happy to call him a friend. Or something more.

Maybe he had a crush on her, too.

-----

Toph’s idea to look for the original source of firebending had greatly backfired (no pun intended, even though Y/N could clearly hear Sokka’s laughter in her head at the joke). They traveled to the Sun Warriors’ ancient city and found an impressive temple adorned with statues. Things were going surprisingly well until they weren’t, and now they were stuck in a disgusting glue because Zuko touched the pretty gemstone. Hours had passed and Y/N was increasingly more annoyed at their situation.

“You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn’t you?”

“At least I made something happen! If it were up to you, we’d never have made it past the courtyard.”

“Maybe, but we wouldn’t be stuck here either, so did you really win?”

Zuko rolled his eyes, “this is stupid. How are we getting out of here?”

“Help!” the girl screamed as loudly as she could, being met with only silence.

“Who are you yelling to? Nobody’s lived here for centuries,” the Fire Prince argued and it was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Well, what do you think we should do, genius?”

“Think about our place in the universe?”

Despite her current irritation, Y/N couldn’t help but smile at his words. He instinctively smiled back and she felt warmth spread through her chest.

She was starting to think she wasn’t as over her crush on him as she thought.

They were rescued by the Sun Warriors and judged by the last dragons, and Y/N was sure she hadn’t felt this alive in a while. After burning Katara (it was so long ago it seemed like a different life), she had thought of fire as something destructive, harmful, but she could now see it with new eyes. Fire could be love, life, and power.

The Avatar glanced at Zuko. Maybe she could try and see him as that, too.

-----

“You did well today,” Zuko complimented warily, avoiding her gaze, “if we keep up the training, you might become a better firebender than me.”

“Why, thank you, Hotman,” she smiled brightly and Zuko was sure he could pass out right there, “I just have a great teacher.”

“Y/N!”

The Avatar felt Sokka before she saw him, laughing at the way he hugged her from behind joyfully, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “Hey, honey. What’s up?”

“Doing fine,” he mumbled, brushing her hair off his face delicately, “wanna grab something to eat?”

“I think I’m gonna train some more and clean myself later. I’ll meet you after?”

“Sure! I’ll be back inside. See you, Y/N, Zuko.”

They both watched as the Water Tribe boy entered the temple again. There was a weird burning sensation running through Zuko’s blood when he asked, voice slightly raspy and overly quiet, “so, you and Sokka, huh? You make a nice couple.”

She turned her head to him so quickly it almost gave her whiplash, “what? No! I mean—” she blushed at the question, flustered by the fact he would even consider something like that. The Fire Prince waited silently, irritation surfacing at her stammering. He wasn’t sure why that angered him so much, but he decided to be still and listen, “we are just friends,” she concluded, “he means a lot to me, but so do Katara and Toph, you know? We are—we are just friends. He even likes that Kyoshi Warrior, Suki! So, yeah, we are definitely not a couple.”

“I see,” Zuko felt curiously static with that piece of information, “and you don’t have feelings for him?”

“No, of course not. I mean, I had a thing for him when we first met, but now it’s gone. He’s my best friend and I love him, just not like that.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Good?” Y/N turned her head to the side in confusion and he paled considerably, finally noticing the meaning of his own words. “Why is that good?”

“Oh? I—it’s good that you love him! Yeah, having friends is amazing, right? Yeah.”

She smiled amusingly, “it truly is.”

“Yeah.”

The Avatar chuckled lightly, “come on, Sifu Hotman. Let’s do that leg movement again, I think I’m not doing it right.”

Days passed and a lot of things happened. Zuko knew Y/N wouldn’t be happy with Sokka’s suicide mission, but he couldn’t let him do it alone, so he accompanied him to the Boiling Rock. Again, she wasn’t happy when he followed Katara for revenge for her mother’s death, but then at least someone had Katara’s back and was ready to protect her. He desperately wanted to earn Y/N’s trust and friendship, but that was rather difficult when he insisted on doing the stuff she didn’t want him to do.

They continued their training on Ember Island and the whole Team seemed to thoroughly enjoy the place. Y/N was giving her all to learn firebending and was succeeding splendidly. To be honest, Zuko loved to see her get the moves right — every single time she made it, she would look at him with bright eyes and grin. It was the most beautiful sight Zuko had ever seen and he would do anything to have it permanently engraved in his mind.

They stayed up late during one particular night. They were both exhausted after hours of training and ended up sat beside each other on the ground on the back of the Fire Nation Royal Family’s beach house. The air between them was filled with silence and heavy breathing from their previous effort.

“Hey, Zuko?” after a few moments, Y/N called him gently, voice tired and raspy giving him chills. She laid down and stared at the dark sky. “Look at the stars with me.”

He blinked, “really? I mean, shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Please?” her eyes met his and his heart skipped a beat. “Just for a bit.”

“Okay,” Zuko whispered, lying down next to her. They looked at the sky quietly for a bit.

He liked to be around her. It could be the Avatar thing, but Y/N had a calming aura around her that was just unmissable. Being next to her like this gave him the feeling things would be alright, the feeling he was not worthless. It was a lie, of course. There was no way to know how their plans would go, and he was pretty much worthless.

But being beside her was enough to trick his mind. Maybe the little crush he harbored towards her had become something more — Spirits, he liked her so much. Not that it mattered, considering there was no way she would ever love him back, not after everything he had done.

“When I was younger, I believed we became stars when we died.”

He turned his head to look at her, “really?”

She turned to look back and his breath hitched at their close proximity. She chuckled, “yeah. I didn’t even know I was the Avatar back then, I was so young. They told me when I was sixteen, and I ran away shortly after,” there was bitterness to her words, “like a coward.”

“You are not a coward, Y/N. You had no way of knowing how things would go.”

“You really think so?”

“I do. Besides, if you hadn’t run away, you wouldn’t have been stuck on ice for a hundred years, and I would never have met you, which would be awful,” he widened his eyes, completing quickly, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. I wouldn’t have met them either. Of course.”

Her smile was so pretty he forgot how to breathe, “you’re right, Zuko. I don’t think I would have liked to live a life where I never met you,” she smirked before going on with teasing eyes, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. Of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed with a blush on his face. They stared at each other carefully and Zuko was pretty sure his heart was performing a professional routine of somersaults inside his body. He definitely was past just a simple crush.

Y/N smiled that dazzling smile of hers before averting her gaze to the stars again and yawning. “We should go in.”

“We should,” the Fire Prince immediately started to sit up, but she held him down with a hand to his chest, and probably felt his crazy heartbeat under her fingers.

“Just a bit more, Prince Zuko,” she whispered, eyes trained to the sky. Slowly but surely, she moved her hand from his chest to his own hand, creating goosebumps on every inch of skin she lightly touched on the way there. Zuko could feel his body burn at the barely-there feeling of her fingertips. She intertwined her fingers with his carefully, giving him the chance to pull away if he so wished. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed her hand. She immediately squeezed his back in reassurance.

In the middle of the quiet and comfort they suddenly found in each other, they fell asleep under the stars, fingers playing with each other until exhaustion finally engulfed them in dreams of pretty smiles and light touches.

It was nice to dodge the nightmares.

-----

“I’ve heard you and Zuko slept outside today,” Sokka had a teasing tone to his voice. Y/N glared at him, “you are together now or something?”

“We are not,” she countered, scratching Appa while they talked. Zuko, Toph, Katara, and Suki had left for the beach already. Y/N still needed to feed her sky bison and Sokka offered to help with the excuse of being a good friend. The Avatar was absolutely sure that wasn’t the real reason he stayed back alongside her and he was currently proving her right, “we were just stargazing and then fell asleep.”

“Stargazing, huh? Real cute. I bet it was an endearing impromptu date, wasn’t it?”

“Since when do you even know the word impromptu?”

“I am always full of surprises.”

“Right,” she rolled her eyes and he laughed loudly, “it was not a date.”

“But you do like him, right?.”

“What?” she turned her entire body to him, furrowing her brows and crossing her arms in a defensive stance. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know you better than you know yourself and I can tell you have feelings for him,” Sokka copied her movements, staring at her with a smirk, “I also know he likes you back.”

Y/N scoffed and transferred her attention back to Appa, “he does not.”

“So you admit you like him!”

“Shut up, Sokka!” she glared, but quickly gave up under his intense eyes and raised brows. “Yeah, I like him. It doesn’t matter, though.”

“Yes, it does! He feels the same! Look, what about this,” he leaned in closer, that crazy look he had whenever making up a plan taking over his face, “we are going to watch that play about us tonight, right? Well, you guys can sit next to each other! Like a couple!”

“That’s a terrible idea, honey.”

“It’s not! I bet he’s gonna make a move!”

“He won’t, because he’s not in love with me.”

“Wait, you’re in love with him?”

Y/N’s entire body tensed up. She shouldn’t have said that. She wasn’t in love with Zuko! Was she? I mean, she did love to be beside him, and her heart sped up when he gave her one of his rare smiles, and training with him when he had his shirt off was distracting to say the least. Besides, he really seemed to have changed and grown — she felt like she could trust him again, but she could never be sure, and she was adamant on not getting hurt once more. Especially now, when she was dealing with so many things. If he betrayed her a second time… Spirits, it would be just too much to handle.

“I don’t know,” she muttered and Sokka’s cheeky smile faltered, “I don’t want to be.”

He stretched an arm out to hold her hand fondly, “it’s fine, Y/N. Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”

The Avatar smiled sadly, “thank you, Sokka. I’m really glad to have you in my life.”

“I know, honey. I’m great like that.”

She laughed loudly and he grinned in satisfaction, turning her body around and starting to lead her towards the beach, an arm through her shoulders holding her close to his body.

“Shut up, Sokka. You’re so stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

Zuko felt a pang to his chest when Sokka and Y/N arrived at the beach holding each other so dearly, but he knew he had no right to complain. She would be better off with Sokka anyway — he was good-looking, nice, funny, smart. Meanwhile, Zuko was nothing but a sad mixture of mistakes and regrets. The Avatar deserved more than that.

“Hey, Hotman,” she walked to him with a smile, planting a kiss on Sokka’s cheek before leaving his side. “Why are you all alone on the sand?”

“Because he’s boring,” Toph answered from some feet away and Katara chuckled. Zuko could feel his face redden.

“He is not,” Y/N argued amusingly, sitting down beside him and grinning. She glanced at him with a happy spark in her eyes, “are you excited for the play tonight?”

“No,” he muttered, but his lack of vivacity didn’t bother her in the slightest, “the Ember Island plays are always ridiculous.”

“I think it’s going to be fun,” she shrugged contently, basking in the hot sun, “if it isn’t, we can always throw food at the stage or whatever.”

He tried really hard, but couldn’t bit back the smile that took over his frown. He watched her attentively, noticing how she seemed to glow in the daylight, giving off this incredible warmth he had only ever seen on her. He averted away his gaze, feeling his neck and face heat up at how unapologetically beautiful she was.

Zuko cleared his throat quietly, “yeah, I guess.”

She only smirked in response.

-----

The play could be worse, he figured. Yes, their portrayal of him was horrible (even though his friends — could he call them friends? Were they friends? He hoped they were — said otherwise) and the actress playing Y/N was not nearly as pretty as the Avatar really was, but Y/N was next to him and, at some point, she had leaned her head on his shoulder tiredly and stayed there. All the training was getting to her and he felt inexplicable joy in the fact she trusted him enough to rest her body on his.

“Look,” her voice was raspy from sleepiness and a chill ran down his spine, “I think now is when you join Team Avatar and becomes our friend.”

He nodded carefully not to disturb her from her position and his heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled closer to his neck. Zuko watched as actor Zuko was accepted into the group and just after a scene with only him and actress Y/N started. Actor Zuko stared at the actress longingly, “my dear Y/N… I know I have wronged you in many ways, but I wanted to apologize for my mistakes and beg for your forgiveness!”

Y/N giggled at that, nudging him affectionately, “that really happened.”

He smiled, eyes following the performers on stage. Actor Zuko continued, “your forgiveness… And maybe your love, Avatar.”

They both immediately tensed up at the words and Y/N moved her head slightly, brows furrowing in confusion.

“My love, Prince Zuko?”

“Yes, my darling.”

They all watched as Actor Zuko and Actress Y/N kissed passionately, earning cheers from the audience. Sokka whistled loudly and Y/N turned to glare at him, receiving a wink in return.

“I have been in love with you since we first met!” Actor Zuko declared excitedly, holding Actress Y/N’s hands. “You are the only one who can make me forget about my teen angst. I love you, Y/N.”

“Well… I don’t!” Actress Y/N moved away swiftly and the crowd gasped in surprise. “I have accepted you in my group, Prince Zuko… But I’ll never accept you in my heart! You’re a bad person that doesn’t deserve my love!”

“What?!” Sokka almost screamed in disbelief. Y/N finally took her head off Zuko’s shoulder, incertitude swimming in her eyes. Before she had the chance to speak, Zuko had already left. The Water Tribe boy widened his eyes at her. “Go after him!”

Y/N nodded her head, getting out of her seat and walking after Zuko, calling his name. He ignored her, feeling anger boil inside him. He knew she would never directly say something like that, but he also knew it was true. She would never love him — he wasn’t worthy of her love, and he was pretty sure she was aware of that too.

“Zuko, wait!” she finally catched up to him, holding his arm and pulling him back. “It’s just a stupid play, Zuko. None of that is true.”

“Really, Y/N?” he turned to stare at her, rage covering his expression. “Because I’m almost certain it is. They said I don’t deserve love, Y/N, and that’s true. After everything I’ve done…”

“No!” she exclaimed desperately, shaking her head vehemently in disagreement. “Zuko, of course you deserve love. Yes, you have made mistakes, but all of us have. You shouldn’t care about what some actress says.”

“But they’re right, Y/N,” he insisted, feeling tears stinging his eyes, “I’m unworthy of love and everyone knows, and that’s why nobody actually loves me.”

“I love you!” she yelled out before she could stop herself, breath hitching at the troubled look taking over his face. Y/N sighed deeply, crossing her arms shyly and looking away, “I do,” her voice was small as she blushed, “I thought I was over my little crush for you but I wasn’t, and it’s—it’s much more than a little crush. I was afraid of admitting it but I know who you are, Zuko. You are loyal and smart and so inherently good and I love you. Spirits, I really do.”

He stared at her for a second, processing her words. She fidgeted anxiously and he smiled at all her small manners. With certainty to his movements, Zuko took a step forwards and cradled her face in his hands. He studied every inch of her expression, waiting for some kind of rejection. She offered him a hopeful smile and he was quick to smash his lips with hers, feeling the warmth that always surrounded her consume him entirely. He kissed her passionately, happiness pouring out of him — the words “she loves you” echoing inside his mind like a broken record, filling his heart with joy.

She moved away when there was no more air in her lungs, breathing heavily and grinning like a mad woman. Y/N lifted her arm and touched his scar so fondly it physically hurt. Never before had he been touched with such care and it made tears flood his eyes, something she instantly noticed, giggling at his cuteness and drying one running tear with her thumb. She felt like her chest was full. He kissed her thumb lovingly when it rested near his mouth.

She loved him. She thought he was worthy of love, of her love, even after everything he had done. No matter how many mistakes he had made, she still loved him, and that thought was enough to make Zuko feel some sort of hope towards the future.

Spirits, she really loved him.

“I love you too, Y/N. Very, very much.”

is it good? not really. could it be worse? yeah lmao

taglist: @bottledcostcowater @lammello @coldlilheart @azucanela @samsmultifandomblogs and @knaite-solo that asked to be tagged on this particular piece

thank you all for reading!! I hope you liked it!!

#zuko x reader #zuko x fem!reader #zuko x f!reader #sokka x reader #atla x reader #atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender x reader #zuko #sokka #avatar #avatar!reader #avatar reader #ember island #the ember island players #requested

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kannra21 · 3 years

Text

Sniperhaul fanfic

ˡᵐᵃᵒ ᶦ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᵇᵉˡᶦᵉᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶦ'ᵐ ᵈᵒᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᶦˢ

Overhoe finally broke out of Tartarus after a very long time. However, he couldn't have done it without the help of a certain villain mistress. 😏 Who's she and why did she choose to help this terrible (x2) man? Find out bellow.

characters: overhaul (chisaki kai) x sniper lady

word count: 3k

warnings: angst, past memories, handless overhaul, hurt, comfort, gangs, yakuza, just girl taking care of her mans

notes: I'd like to thank the person responsible for proofreading this work bc I'm supposed to keep their identity a secret. 😎 Thank you once again! And of course, the manga and characters belong to Kohei Horikoshi. @meefal you were excited to see the final product so here you go, hope you like it. 🖤

✂-------------------------------------------------------

Overhaul couldn't remember how long he'd been there, he'd lost count weeks ago. The only thing he knew was that he was in "Tartarus", a prison located 5km off the coast of the Mainland. It may function like a conventional prison, but in reality, those who're deemed a severe threat toward the safety of the nation were locked up and monitored closely, regardless of whether their sentence has been decided on yet. The facility was divided into 6 levels, where the potential threat level of criminals was deemed "higher" the further underground you go. It's a prison where, once you enter, there's no chance of leaving.

He sat there in his cell, B10 being the lowest level in solitary confinement. It was too cold for his head to function and too dark for his eyes to see, with the small window above the prison doors being his only source of light. There was also an opening where prisoners received their meals, but considering that he lost his hands, the guards could easily enter without worrying too much for their well-being. They'd leave whatever they offered that day and give him a disgusted look before locking the doors after themselves. He couldn't see his reflection nor touch his face, he probably looked like crap by now. His skin was itching and he felt disoriented from all the germs occupying this space, it's been a while since he's gone out for some fresh air.

He was practically Quirkless and yet they locked him out in the worst, most dreadful place the isolation block had to offer. He couldn't even feed himself properly, he couldn't do anything by himself whatsoever. But there was only one thing left to him; he spent days and days thinking about pops, Chrono, yakuza and everything he could have if it weren't for those stupid heroes-- no, if it weren't for his plan that so grandiosely failed. It made him feel miserable, desperate even, and with grief soon followed acceptance. It was all his fault, and he needed to live with this burden for the rest of his life. Because of him, pops is still handicapped to the bed somewhere, wherever the heroes might have taken him.

He stood up and started beating the cell with his leg, curing his frustrations. He didn't know why he was doing it, it was irrational and he's hurting himself unnecessarily, but for some reason it made him feel lighter. At least he could transfer some of his inner pain to the outside world. Other criminals laughed at his patheticness, especially since they knew why the guards were allowed to enter his cell. They shouted that it was impossible to escape, but he wasn't trying to. He knew that it was useless a long time ago.

Midnight came and all the prisoners mostly fell asleep. Overhaul, however, couldn't sleep a wink. Because of the dark room he spent most of his days in, he lost his sense of time so he was pacing around, deep in thought. He couldn't dream of anything nice anyways.

"Can't fall asleep either?" a feminine voice could be heard from the other side. Wait. They allowed women here? What could she have possibly done to deserve such punishment?

He leaned his back on the doors and slid down to the floor, trying to find the right words.

"Yes." he sighed, enthusiasm lacking in his voice "But it's not like I need you to talk about my problems."

"Hm, whatever. Go beat your head against the bars. Fall unconscious, loser."

The man snorted, which might as well be his first time he ever did that.

"Well, this certainly sounds effective. It's not like I have anything to lose anyways."

"Hey." the tone of her voice was earnest, and it aroused further questions in his jumbled up head.

"What?"

"We're going to get out of here."

Is she being serious now? "Really? Because as far as I know, we're locked out here for good. We don't even know the severity of our sentences. They can do whatever they want with us."

"Not quite. You know that they're being supervised by 'The Hearts and Mind' party offshoots. They can’t do a thing to us as long as they have their heads to the pikes."

This might be true, but he didn't believe in anything the government's been telling them lately. It's only a matter of time before they switch their plans and play by their own rules, because stabbing people in the back was the only thing they've ever been good at.

"How did you end up here?"

Oh the long-awaited question. She wondered when he'd ask.

"It's not like I need you to talk about my problems."

He smiled, he liked this vicious side of hers. But he also realized that she could be nice as well because if that wasn't the case, she wouldn't spread promises of the escape. At least that's what he thought.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay. We've all been here for a very long time, now weren't we? We lose our cool and act like total assholes."

"Direct and straight to the point I see." his deadpan voice could be heard from the other side of the bars.

"'Been raised this way, for the better or worse." it didn't sound like she was bragging, yet it felt like she was just talking about herself, honest and confident, to cover up what she felt was wrong. The incoming topic which she'd rather avoid.

The villainess didn't want to open up about her past, so she just answered his question.

"I killed people beyond counting, following AFO's orders. He always wished to become the world's greatest demon lord and thus promised us enormous change in the hero society. So in order to achieve that, he needed his underlings. And that's how I ended up here."

"You were loyal till the end."

"You know what they say; there can be no progress nor achievement without certain sacrifice."

Wise beyond her years and just as sad. He wondered how her face looked like, how the world's been treating her.

"I had my own sacrifices as well."

"Do you regret them?"

...

"I do."

Now it was her turn to snort "Really? And I thought that people situated this low couldn't have regrets. You remember what they said about us. 'Beasts in human clothing', 'Simply dreadful beings'."

He felt insulted, maybe the things she said were true but it's not like he was anything similar to these pigs he shared the same air with, unfortunately.

"I regret hurting the person important to me. The old man who once took me in when I was very young. He was the infamous boss of Shie Hassaikai."

Something clicked in her, it's such a small world they're living in, "Yakuza? I know you guys. We used to trade with you back in the days."

"Todou Gang?"

"You said it."

"But... you were a force to be reckoned with. One day you just collapsed and not a single trace could be found. According to certain sources, there was no way anyone could determine the exact cause of your downfall. So what happened?"

"I killed them all."

...

"AFO told me to kill them to prove my loyalty to him and, of course, to make sure that there was no one I could turn to other than himself."

For some questionable reasons, and he didn't dare to admit that it was empathy he felt towards a random stranger and a former gang member he shared some history with, Overhaul wanted to fill the silence that lingered between them. Perhaps, because he felt guilty for making her reveal more than what she initially intended.

"I used pops' niece, a 6-year-old girl who had an extraordinary Quirk; it allowed her to rewind a person's body back to a certain state. That means she could put a body back to before it was injured or before the person even developed a Quirk. With that, I wanted to create a Quirk-erasing drug to get rid of the Quirk society altogether and to make sure that yakuza could rise once again. I cut her skin every day to take blood samples and to test her regenerative abilities. However, pops didn't approve of it, so I handicapped him to the bed and planned on waking him up the moment I realized my plan, to make him proud of the achievement. Unfortunately, it didn't play out as I wanted and I never reached him."

The silence followed and the woman wore a disheartening smile on her face. It's not the answer she expected, she didn't ask for another sad story from another messed up person she's met in her life. But the intentions were pure and for her, it was good enough.

"We both fought for something only to lose it all, huh?" she laughed, but it was prominent in her tone that it was bittersweet.

"At least you're brought here in one piece."

"At least you can still revive your parent."

Were they comforting each other? Were they jealous of each other? Were they wallowing in self-pity? They couldn't tell. The only thing they certainly could was the embarrassment they felt from the moment they realized that some of the prisoners were eavesdropping and making fun of their vulnerabilities. See? That's what they hated the most about opening up about themselves; they were worried about their feelings being perceived as a joke. The only way to protect themselves was to rise up the walls and never let anyone get closer, except they didn't regret exchanging a word or two, as long as it was the two of them.

The next day, 8:34PM Mainland-side entrance, the guardians of 'The Bronze Gate' announced a code red security lockdown. Panic and shouting could be heard from across the hall and the security alarm announced the potential danger.

"Close any and all passageways on each floor. All workers are to enforce strict measures to maintain order."

"The surveillance system is down! It seems like we've been hit by some sort of EMP attack!"

Static waves were spreading around the metal frames and the prison doors of the isolation block unlocked. Overhaul could hear the commotion outside and the villains leaving their cells in a hurry, but as much as he tried, he couldn't push the heavy doors open.

"3 seconds until we're back online- wait... What the... With the system down we can't monitor the inside!"

"Nice, 3 seconds be damned." he beat the door with his legs, pushed the surface with his shoulders, leaned all of his weight on the godforsaken thing just so it could finally open. Nothing. It seems like he lost a couple of pounds during his stay here. He couldn't believe his eyes, this couldn't be happening to him. After all this time of patient waiting and hoping to meet pops once again, it turns out he'd be the only one still trapped and all because he didn't have any hands. He panicked, he really couldn't decide on what to do next. But then he remembered-

"Go beat your head against the bars, loser."

That's it! This might be his only chance to escape! He didn't have much time left though, he could hear the shooting nearby so he definitely needed to hurry.

"The system won't come back on!! The ones in solitary confinement are breaking out!! Inside!"

"Control unit's on site!! Execute lockdown in the isolation block!"

"Follow procedure! If even one of them steps a foot outside their cell-"

"Fire!! Open fire!!"

Muscular threw whatever he could find in this messed up place back at them, excitement prominent in his big smile "You ain't gonna kill me with those puny toys! So how about you show me the exit already?!"

Other villains were joining him, still overwhelmed by the sudden freedom they've been given "Dammit... After all that time..."

"Meat..." Moonfish mumbled as he cut his opponents with his blade-like teeth.

The villain lady joined them in the run, still carefully examining her surroundings in case they were tricked into something, "The system isn't responding to my Quirk. 'Guess Tartarus really is falling."

As she was running down the corridor, she could hear beating noises coming from one of the doors. It sounded dull so the person must have been using their head.

"Eh, don't tell me the idiot actually listened to my advice. He must be desperate."

She came to the doors and turned the circular lock in a hurry. She really didn't want to stay in this place any longer, but she couldn't leave him behind either. It's not like she could use him for anything since he was basically handless and Quirkless so why was she doing it? She didn't have an answer. Maybe it was their talk from the other day, maybe because they were both gang members with a history, maybe because of her regrets and her wish to do something right for once. Or maybe because she was just this kind. Nah, this couldn't be it, she never did anything in her life that didn't require a certain purpose. She cast her heart aside a long time ago and did what was necessary for the accomplishment of the mission. It would be weird if she suddenly started using her heart again, now wouldn't it? She was AFO's personal assassin, there was simply no way.

He came out of the room with eyes wide in puzzlement. He was finally free and ready to find pops so he could possibly revive him and try to fix things as much as he could.

They looked at each other for the first time. They never said it aloud, godforbid, but they liked the other's eyes. And perhaps the eyes were a window to a person's soul, their broken souls, tormented by the life's temptations. They were still so young, probably in their twenties, and yet they looked older at the same time. Maybe because of the seriousness in their faces, their stronger stance, the way they defied their fate. They were destined to fall apart, no one would argue with it, but circumstances drove them to take action and rise from the bottomless chasm. And now they had each other.

"We need to get out of here," she stated and pulled him by the sleeve that hung loosely from his shoulder. They escaped Tartarus and raided a small shop near the coast to change clothes and to mingle into the public unnoticed. She quickly picked out a dress and threw herself at work while Overhaul was still standing by the shop display, looking out for the potential intruders.

He couldn't erase the thought of this being some sort of a really weird first date; the girl coming out of the stall and the guy examining her looks. He shook his head, he never had this kind of thoughts in his entire life. He needed to pull himself together.

The bob-hair came out and adjusted the ammo on her utility belt. He looked at her from the corner and she was stunning; intimidating with a tad bit of femininity in design. He stood there and watched how good it fit her curvy form. The thoughts wandering in his head sounded so wrong, terribly wrong. He needed to bring himself to stop.

"Oh right, I almost forgot." she took a shirt off the shelf and came to him, showing him the garment in her hands "You need a little help, right?"

"Sure.'' his voice was small and he stood still while she undid his buttons. Maybe from the outside he looked completely calm, but from the inside he was a complete mess. He looked at her face and wondered if she knew, the kind of effect she's having on him. She raised her head and he looked to the side, there's no way he could look her in the eyes at this point. He hoped she didn't notice.

"You like this one, don't you?" she asked, filling the awkward silence.

"Looks don't matter, the most important thing is to change and avoid getting caught." She looked annoyed. Great. He wanted to shove his head though the wall. Wait… Why was he thinking that?

"I choose the clothes I like. It makes me feel better in my skin."

"You look good in it."

She looked at him surprised and he quickly corrected himself "the dress looks good."

"Sure." she trailed off and put the new shirt over his shoulders. She could feel his muscles tensing. This was probably because of the cool air, she assured herself.

"Why did you break me out of Tartarus? It's not like I could be of any use to you."

She buttoned up his shirt and fixed the wrinkled parts on the garment, hand accidentally brushing over the left side of his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

Well... that was a surprise.

"I thought that maybe you could be of some use to the demon lord. Not Quirk-wise, but you may offer a valuable set of information. Something that the demon lord would appreciate greatly." she could feel it slowing down and her heart dropped just as much.

"But also because I... liked you."

He looked at her incredulously and she smiled. She pinched him to bring him out of the trance and he complained. "Don't be awkward, say something."

"I like you too... I, this is my first time I ever said this to anyone. It's weird."

She slapped him gently on the shoulder and he reached to take it but, yea, no hands.

"What the hell?"

"You're the one who's weird. But I guess that I like you this way." she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek "Ew, you should definitely shave though. No doubt about it."

The former yakuza boss swore; he'll never understand women. But for some reason he couldn't deny that he was particularly drawn to this one. He wondered if pops would approve of her.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #overhaul #chisaki kai #sniperhaul #shie hassaikai #ch 311 #bnha spoilers #bnha fic #crack ship #parody

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loverboytrashmouth · 3 years

Text

Wish You Were Sober

pairing; Reddie

word count; 4k

summary; Eddie is tired of Richie flirting like a madman whenever he gets alcohol in his system.

a/n; so i decided i’m making a kind of series of reddie fics i write based on songs, bc i’m the type of bitch that listens to any music or intakes any kind of media and thinks “iMagiNe tHiS bUt rEdDiE<333″ so ya there’s that lol. here’s a lil angsty one shot based on wish you were sober by conan gray, aka a superior song if u ask me. as always, read on ao3 here if you’d like and enjoy ! :)

Nirvana blared through the speakers and traveled throughout the too small apartment owned by some random guy in one of Richie’s classes. Richie didn’t know him too well - he thinks his name is Chris? Collin? Something with a ‘C’ - but, hey, a party’s a party, and free booze is free booze.

The trashmouth was chatting loudly over the music with Bill on a dingy leather couch, waiting for Stan and Eddie to return with more drinks. Richie was already significantly further along than his friends in terms of his drunken state, all obnoxious laughs interrupted by hiccups and long, gangly limbs flailing more wildly than usual. It almost should be concerning to the other Losers, having only been at the party for less than a couple hours and their friend already being long gone, but it was what they were used to. Since they were 15 and stealing liquor from their parents, the Losers constantly saw Richie’s “go big or go home” attitude with drinking. They assumed it was just Richie wanting to be the life of the party and center of attention, whether that meant going shot for shot with Mike, accepting any type of drinking related dare from Beverly, etc.

Richie let them believe this, because it was better than telling them the truth. It was easier than admitting to them that around the same time he started sneaking a copious amount of vodka from the Tozier’s alcohol stash, he was also realizing certain feelings he had for a certain Loser.

Richie Tozier loved Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie was sure it was just one of those basic laws of the universe, one that’s impossible to ignore and inevitable to come to pass. Despite this, living in a small town like Derry meant getting the shit kicked out of you if you even look at another guy for too long, soulmates or inescapable love or whatever be damned. Richie had gotten beatdowns left and right from neighborhood bullies for being a “faggot” before he even knew what the word meant, so he, unfortunately, knew this from personal experience.

But now, sitting in an apartment in Manhattan of all places, attending NYU with three out of six of his best friends, away from those assholes in Derry, Richie thought he’d loosen up. Let himself be brave.

He soon learned that was easier said than done; who knew what 19 years of internalized homophobia could do to a man?

It’s not like he was afraid of being more of an outcast; he was already a loser with a capital “L,” and he, along with the rest of his friends, carried the title like it was given to them by the Queen herself. Deep down Richie knew the rest of the Losers wouldn’t even bat an eye at the fact that he liked dudes the way he should have liked girls, so he wasn’t afraid of losing them either. And deep, deep down, Richie also knew there wasn’t really anything wrong with him. Why would he feel such a way if it was supposed to be such an unnatural and vile thing? He couldn’t help who he was, who or how he loved, and God, he loved Eddie so much he thought he could just burst with it sometimes.

That shred of acceptance, though, was buried so deep in his lanky form, and the only way to reach it was through a ridiculous amount of shots. Or beers. Or just about anything with a decent alcohol content, really. He’d even settle with wine if he had to.

When Richie was drunk, he was able to be more clingy and face less consequences. He was already an affectionate guy, constantly pinching Eddie’s cheeks and throwing a lazy arm around the shorter man’s shoulders whenever he could. With alcohol, though, he’d give sloppy cheek kisses and intertwine his fingers with Eddie’s and allow his face to form a subtle blush when an intoxicated Eddie would lean into it.

“Sorry for being all over ya last night, Eds. You know how gross and clingy I can get,” he’d say the following morning, and then they’d fall back into their rhythm of bickering and ‘your mom’ jokes. Business as usual, like clockwork every time they’d get wasted.

Richie thought it was going well, that his feelings were going totally unnoticed, that he was stealth. Until this particular college party, that is.

Richie’s attention left his conversation with Bill about the newest Die Hard film when he felt the couch sink next to him, turning to meet eyes with a mildly tipsy Eddie. The taller man’s face immediately lit up, a goofy smile spreading across his chapped lips.

“Hiya, Spagheds! What’s cookin, good lookin’?” Richie slurred out, his arm finding its way around Eddie’s waist and using his other hand to snatch the mixed drink his friend was holding out for him. Eddie responded with his usual scoff and eyeroll, but Richie noted an extra bite to it that he wasn’t used to getting from him.

“Don’t call me that, asshole! And haven’t you ever heard of personal space?” Eddie grumbled, wiggling himself out of Richie’s side embrace and putting some distance between the two. The arm that was once around Eddie made its way to Richie’s own body as he dramatically grasped at his chest.

“Eddie, baby, you’ve wounded me! Since when do you pass up some signature Tozier cuddles?” Richie was met with a simple huff in response as Eddie avoided his gaze. Richie’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion at the lack of attention he was receiving from the man who would usually be giving him the most attention, but he was overall too drunk to overthink. With a shrug, Richie downed his freshly made drink in record timing before crunching the plastic cup in his hand and tossing it over his shoulder, causing Eddie to scoff again from next to him. Stan spoke up from beside Bill before Eddie could ream his friend about his lack of care for tidiness.

“Maybe you should start on some water, huh, Rich?” Richie gasped dramatically, turning to look at Stan as if he had just told him pigs fly.

“Staniel, did you just ask moi to drink water? What’s the point of free booze if you’re not gonna take advantage?” He asked incredulously before standing, wobbling on his long limbs for a couple seconds and giggling a bit before regaining his balance. “Speaking of, I’m gonna go see if my boy Chris has any good brewskis lyin’ around.”

“Isn’t his name C-C-Connor?” Bill asked, shaking his head in amusement. He seemed to be the only one enjoying the trashmouth’s antics this evening, as Stan’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern which he tried to pass off as annoyance, and Eddie still kept his gaze elsewhere. It was the latter that made Richie itch for another drink.

“Whatever the fuck, Billiam. I’ll be back in a jiff, my loves! Try not to miss me too much!” Richie exclaimed with a bow, breaking out his British accent for his next sentence. “But if I find m’lady Mary Jane, don’t wait up, lads! Pip pip!”

Before Richie could step five feet from the couch, an aggressive hand was yanking him back by the wrist. Losing his footing due to the intrusion, Richie stumbled once more, nearly toppling onto Eddie. The shorter man’s tight grip on his arm was the only thing that kept him from sending them both back onto the scratchy leather of the couch below. Richie beamed at the attention he was finally receiving, despite the glare Eddie was boring deep into his features.

“Sit the fuck down, Richard. You’re not drinking anymore fucking beer and you’re definitely not smoking anything. You’re drinking some water and I’m taking you the fuck back to your room, asswipe,” Eddie said sternly, getting as close as he could to Richie’s face with the height difference between them. Richie couldn’t help but love when Eddie got like this; sure, he was red in the face more with anger than with the alcohol, but the anger was backed by mountains of concern. It reminded Richie how much his love cared about him, even though he was sure their forms of love differed. There was still some kind of love there, and sometimes, that was enough for him.

Although Richie felt his chest swell and he wanted nothing more than to ease Eddie’s anger and please him, his mouth rambled before his brain could tell it what to say, as usual.

“If you wanted to get me alone, Eds, all ya had to do was ask,” Richie slurred with a wink, slowly bringing his hand up Eddie’s arm, his calloused fingertips slightly teasing the warm skin. Eddie’s face flushed an even deeper shade of red, from anger or something else, no one was sure - until Richie’s hand was being swatted away, the smack of it loud enough for Bill and Stan to hear over the music from their spot on the couch. Richie mumbled a curse under his breath as he rubbed the skin Eddie came in contact with, a sting lingering there. He opened his mouth to speak again, some kind of excuse or apology on the tip of his tongue, but never got it out due to Eddie’s voice cutting him off.

“Stop doing this, Richie! Just stop! I’m tired of it!” Eddie's voice was slowly rising, and the tremble that laced within his words acted as some kind of magical potion; suddenly Richie had never been so sober.

“Hey, Eddie, it’s okay. I’m sorry, whatever I did I’m sor-” The apology was interrupted with another signature scoff as Eddie looked at the ground, shaking his head, breathing out a humorless chuckle.

“You don’t even know what you’re doing,” he said with a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking Richie in his eyes once again. Despite the apartment being dark with the exception of a couple of lamps scattered around the area, Richie could see the glistening threat of tears waiting to spill from the doe eyes he loved so much. His heart ached.

“Of course you don’t know what you’re doing, Rich, because you’re too fucking drunk! You’re always too drunk. I just… I just wish you were sober for fucking once!” Eddie practically screamed, before his voice softened with hurt again. “I just wish you’d act like this with me without fucking booze.” There were a couple beats of silence between them, two pairs of dark eyes swimming with gallons of emotions simply blinking at one another, the only noise coming from Eddie’s sniffling. Richie did all in his power to search for a response, but for once in his life, the trashmouth was at a loss for words. After what felt like forever, Eddie finally ended the moment by turning on his heel and making a beeline for the door, leaving Richie to stand in dumbfounded silence while his intoxicated brain processed the scene that just unfolded. His thought process was interrupted by a voice coming from the couch.

“Wha-what just happened?” Bill asked, his amusement from earlier in the night completely dissipated and replaced with a mix of confusion and concern.

“Richie’s oblivious and a dumbass is what just happened. Nothing new,” Stan deadpanned from next to him. Richie snapped his body towards the pair, making his head spin and reminding him of just how drunk he was. He blinked at the two in an attempt to adjust his sight before raising his hands in defense at Stan’s comment.

“What are you talking about? Do you know what that was about?” Richie asked, pointing towards the direction Eddie stormed off in. Stan rolled his eyes before standing up and grabbing Richie by the shoulders with both hands, giving him a serious look.

“When we went to get drinks, Eddie talked to me. About you. About how you act when you’re drunk, all over him and shit, more than usual. And how much he likes it, but he hates that he likes it, because you only do it when you’re drunk.” Richie continued to gape at his friend, clearly not connecting what Stan’s words meant. Stan sighed, scrunching his face in annoyance and gripping Richie’s shoulders tighter. “He’s in love with you, asshole! Either tell him you love him too, because trust me, everyone except him knows you do, or stop leading him on. It’s fucking ruining him, man!”

Realization finally hit Richie, his eyes welling with tears as Stan’s grip on his shoulders softened. “He- He is? Are you sure? This- This isn’t funny, Stanley. A-Are you sure?” he breathed out, and if it wasn’t for the weight of the situation, he’d made a joke about how he was sounding like Bill, nervous stutter and all. Stan gave a slight nod and responded, but Richie didn’t hear what he said. His mind was suddenly racing; find Eddie. tell Eddie. kiss Eddie. EddieEddieEddie.

Before he knew it his feet were running just as fast as his thoughts, not 100% sure where he was going, just knowing he needed to find Eddie. Richie raced out of the apartment building into the chilly air that was New York City on a late November night, frantically scanning the streets. His eyes soon locked on a figure about half a block down, leaning against a mailbox, head in his hands. Even with the distance between them, Richie could tell he was trembling, either from the cold or from crying, he wasn’t sure. As he felt the sharp breeze across his skin exposed by the rips in his jeans, he assumed probably both.

Richie thought better than to call out his name, opting instead to slowly approach Eddie. He did his best to labor his breathing in his short walk over, mentally preparing himself for the confrontation that was about to take place. The confrontation that would bear all feelings, all confessions. All of the walls Richie had been building around himself since high school would finally come down.

He wished he had another drink.

“Eds?” He spoke softly, possibly the softest he’d ever spoken, as to not scare Eddie and send him running. The shorter man lifted his head from his hands, and Richie’s heart broke even more at the sight before him. Eddie’s eyes were red and puffy, a wall of hurt extremely evident in the soft brown. His nose was runny, and his lip quivered as he looked away when he realized who was standing in front of him.

“Don’t call me that,” he practically whispered, just loud enough for the other to catch it over the bustle of traffic in the streets surrounding them. Although he was avoiding the other man’s gaze like his life depended on it, Eddie made no attempt to walk away. Richie took that as a small win.

“Eddie, talk to me. Please. What’s up? It’s just me and you, man. C’mon.” Richie wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Eddie. Offer a comforting hand on his shoulder, run his fingers through his hair, hold him close, tell him everything would be okay. But he didn’t dare move.

A car honked down the street, offering the only noise that cut through the thick silence when Eddie didn’t take Richie’s offer to speak. The former stayed silent with his head down, finding the dirty concrete under his pristine white converse highly interesting. Richie let out a sigh.

“Okay, you don’t have to talk. I’ll do all the talking. I’m the Trashmouth after all, aren’t I?” Richie offered a lame chuckle when his attempt at a joke fell flat, Eddie not breaking his frown even slightly. Richie cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “Look, I talked to Stan, he told me what you guys talked about, and -” He was cut off by the same humorless chuckle he heard in the apartment minutes ago, but this time it dripped with sadness rather than anger.

“Dammit, Stanley, you fucking traitor,” Eddie mumbled mostly to himself. He shook his head with a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, making them impossibly redder, before willing himself to look at Richie, his voice finally reaching above a murmur for the first time since leaving the party. “Secret’s out, I guess. I’m a fucking cliche. The fuckin’ queer that fell for his best friend.”

All Richie could do was silently stare, mouth slightly agape and eyes comically blown, amplified more so by his glasses. Sure, Stan had told him this not even five minutes beforehand, but hearing it from Eddie himself was an entirely different experience. He figured under different circumstances, Eddie would probably be laughing at how dumb he was sure he looked. Instead, the shorter man looked at him expectantly with tears still in his eyes, clearly waiting for some kind of response, and expecting the worst. They stood this way, basically a mirroring of what played out in the party upstairs before Eddie stormed out, for a solid minute before it was - once again - Eddie who broke the silence.

“So much for doing all the talking,” he muttered, the volume of his voice lowering, Richie realizing as Eddie looked back at the ground that he was closing in on himself once again. “Good night, Rich.”

“No,” Richie finally spoke, his arm darting out to grab Eddie’s hand before he could even adjust his feet to leave. “Please don’t walk away again. Please.” His voice broke on the last plea, his own eyes finally beginning to water. Eddie was still staring in the opposite direction down the concrete path he was planning on following before he was interrupted, but was staying put, not rejecting Richie’s hand in his. “There’s so much I wanna say to you, Eddie. So much. I just… Shit, I just don’t know how.”

Richie was crying just as much as Eddie was at this point but quieter, unable to pull himself together as much as he wanted to be brave. Eddie turned his head to face Richie with his glare still hardened, only softening when he saw the state Richie was in. Eddie had known Richie since they were literal children, and he knew better than anyone that Richie Tozier didn’t cry like this. Not unless something was truly eating at him. The anger Eddie felt towards the situation seemed to have completely disappeared as he comfortably squeezed Richie’s hand, giving him encouraging eyes.

The taller man used his free hand to rub the tears from his eyes, giving him a better look at Eddie. They were standing fairly close to the lone street light of the block, the faint orange tint of the bulb complimenting Eddie’s lightly tanned skin and chestnut eyes. Without thinking, Richie brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, cupping his cheek and wiping a stray tear away with the pad of his thumb. He continued softly rubbing at the skin there after the tear was gone, his thumb dancing across the freckles, his mind flooded with thoughts of how beautiful the man before him was. Eddie closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking in the feel of Richie’s touch.

Unable to find words again but refusing to let the moment slip out of his fingers for the third time of the night, Richie did the only thing he truly knew how to do; he acted impulsively.

If asked, Richie wouldn’t be able to pinpoint exactly when he decided to kiss the man he’d loved since he was 15 in the middle of Greenwich Village at one in the morning. Before he knew it, the hand on Eddie’s cheek slid down to his neck, pulling their lips together before the shorter man could react to the shift in Richie’s hold on him. As much as he didn’t want to admit the fact, Richie knew he wouldn’t have taken such action if it weren’t for the alcohol flowing through his veins, but at this point he didn’t much care. When their lips met, he forgot all about the booze, and became drunk on Eddie.

Eddie kissed back without hesitation, letting go of Richie’s hand and easily snaking his arms around his neck, with a comfortability as if they had done this thousands of times. It was sloppy due to the pair’s mixed tears along with their lack of experience, but nevertheless the two men kissed with purpose, as if the fate of their livelihood depended on this moment. Perhaps it did.

By the time they pulled away and rested their foreheads together, Eddie’s fingers had found themselves tangled in Richie’s dark curls, and Richie’s hands were gripping Eddie’s hips for dear life. The kiss hadn’t lasted too long - thirty seconds or so, if that - however the energy both men poured into those short seconds left them panting heavily, their breath tangling together, hot in the other’s face in the midst of the cold air around them.

“That was better than talking,” Richie breathed out with a wet chuckle, causing Eddie to finally crack his first smile of the night. It was a small one, the corners of his mouth curving only lightly, but Richie saw that his happiness had made its way into his stare.

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie whispered with no real bite in his words before bringing their lips together again, this kiss softer than the last. While their first kiss was filled with the passion built up from years of mutual pining and secrets, their second let them convey the deepness of their love without words to speak. A tender peck of their lips told Richie everything he needed to know; this moment was very much real, and Eddie Kaspbrak very much loved Richie Tozier.

And if the kiss wasn’t enough, Eddie made sure to tell him when he pulled out of the kiss and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder, pulling him into a proper embrace.

“I love you, Rich. I- I think I always have,” he confessed, his voice slightly muffled from where his face was buried in Richie’s neck, but the other man heard him loud and clear all the same. Richie released his grip on Eddie’s hips and wrapped his arms around him, letting himself breathe out a sigh of relief as he held him impossibly closer.

“I love you too, Eds. So fucking much, fuck.” Richie pressed a kiss to soft brown waves, breathing in the clean scent of lavender shampoo mixed with light cologne, his senses filling with just Eddie.

Standing in the middle of a bustling city they barely knew in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, arms wrapped tightly around one another, ignoring the strangers that walked past them most definitely giving them some variation of judgemental stares, Eddie and Richie had never felt more at home.

“Alright, Trashmouth,” Eddie started, reluctantly pulling away from Richie’s hold. Richie pouted at the loss of feeling Eddie’s body pressed against his own, making the latter chuckle and playfully roll his eyes. He pressed a quick peck to said trashmouth before continuing. “We can talk about this more in the morning. Right now, you need water and sleep.” Richie slapped a toothy grin onto his chapped lips after, once again, being reminded of how intoxicated he still was, falling back into his goofy demeanor with ease.

“Ya gonna take care of me, Dr. K? Ugh, what a dreamboat,” he replied, miming a cartoonish faint. Eddie simply giggled and grasped Richie’s hand once again, interlacing their fingers and leading him in the direction of their dorms. Richie fell back ever so slightly as to not get caught looking at Eddie like the lovesick dork he was, feeling a warmth grow in his body he was sure wasn’t due to the alcohol.

Richie still drinks after this night; old habits die hard, of course. However, Richie didn’t have to be drunk anymore to admit he loved Eddie. He told him sober and drunk, day and night, and vowed to remind Eddie just how much he loved him until the day they died.

#my writing #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie fic #reddie fanfic #reddie angst #it #it chapter one #it chapter two #it 2017 #it 2019

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lotusjwy · 3 years

Note

"Just leave me ALONE" for Xicheng? Preferably if LXC says it JC? Preferably in public or in front of wangxian and the juniors ? E.g. JC is the only one, who notices LXC is having a bad day and he more or less subtlely tries to get him to talk ? But LXC tries to be fine cause he is out of seclusion so he can't still have bad days'?

But if you have another idea do that! no pressure ! Thanks in advance !

hello there, the way this is so specific has been killing me for DAYS 😂 I had to send screenshots to my friend bc of how specific it is dude, like I love that you know exactly what you want bc it makes my brain not have to work as hard, but BRO dskjfhkasd why do u like to see my boy suffer So much 😭😭😭

i hope this lives up to ur expectations!!! 🥰

It had been a long day. A long and tiring day, so if he lost his temper, he couldn’t be blamed, right? He just wanted to go back home and play the flute, perhaps sleep a little, but he was absolutely done with spending time with everyone else. So, why did he find himself still in the company of so many people? Why was he still sitting here with Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Jiang Wanyin and a handful of juniors? Why?

This was all Wei Wuxian’s fault, he was the one that insisted everyone spend more time together. Xichen already saw plenty of Wei Wuxian, Wangji, Sizhui and Jingyi, as well as often seeing Jiang Wanyin and Jin Rulan, due to sect business. If anything, the only person here that Lan Xichen rarely saw was Ouyang Zizhen, and it wasn’t as if he’d spent much of the day speaking to him.

Jiang Wanyin had taken it upon himself to seat himself down next to Lan Xichen, talking to him, hoping that he could get to the root of why the other had been acting differently. “You’ve been quiet all day, which is completely fine, I get that. Sometimes everyone is a bit too much to handle, but Wei Wuxian insists on family bonding, whatever the fuck that me-”

And he just would not stop talking, he’d been talking for so long, all day, when would he stop. “Just leave me alone. You keep speaking to me as if I’ve shown any indication that I wish to continue this conversation. You’re quick to call Wei Wuxian a chatterbox and an annoyance, yet have you ever looked inward?!” When he was met with a stunned silence, he realised something was incredibly wrong.

Oh. Oh no. He had said that out loud, hadn’t he? Well, he couldn’t take it back now, and he had wanted to be left alone. It wasn’t his fault Jiang Wanyin wasn’t taking the hint. Xichen did feel a little bad, when he saw the hurt expression on lJiang Cheng’s face, that abruptly was wiped from his face, only to be replaced by a blank face.

“Apologies, Zewu-jun. I appear to have overstepped.” He stood and gave the other a stiff bow, before leaving the room, not looking or speaking to anyone, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.

Wei Wuxian stood awkwardly after his brother had left the room, wanting to follow him out, but knowing that the other probably wanted to be alone right now. He also knew that he shouldn’t be the one going to ensure he was okay, “Xichen-ge…”

“I am aware, no need to scold me.” Lan Xichen’s voice was terse, knowing that everyone in the room was staring at him in shock, possibly all wanting to scold him for his behaviour.

“Jiujiu was only trying to make sure that you were okay. Talking helps sometimes, you know. He rarely reaches out to people like that, but he did to you.” Everyone here knew his uncle’s temper, just as well as they knew how much he cared, if anyone here didn’t know that, then they shouldn’t be here. They didn’t belong here.

Lan Sizhui put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Jin Ling, should you be saying this here?” He knew that Jin Ling was cross with Zewu-jun, but he didn’t want the other saying anything that he may regret later on.

“It’s nothing everyone here doesn’t already know about him.” He scoffed out, his voice dripping with disdain towards Sect Leader Lan. How dare he take his uncle’s kindness for granted.

Xichen tuned out the remainder of the conversation, thinking about the mess he had put himself in. It wasn’t that he disliked Jiang Wanyin, quite the opposite actually, and yet here he was near yelling at him in front all of their friends and family. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been stuck in his thoughts before he realised that he was being spoken to by Jin Rulan again.

“Well? Are you just going to sit here and wallow in your stupid misery, or are you going to go apologise?” There was a fiercely protective look in the younger’s eyes, showing that he’d physically fight the other, even if it meant losing, for his uncle’s honour.

“Jin Ling!” Wei Wuxian sent a sharp look to the younger, inwardly cursing that Jin Ling seemed to have inherited his mother’s fierce protective nature. He felt the same, but he also had the sense of knowing that saying everything you felt could backfire on you within seconds.

“Don’t get mad at me for being mad at him! He was being an assh-” the rest of whatever he was going to say being smothered by Lan Jingyi’s hand, which was conveniently blocking any other derogatory words that Jin Ling may want to speak.

“Alright, alright, young mistress, it’s okay. Let’s calm down now. He’ll go apologise now.” Lan Jingyi gave his sect leader a pointed look, as if telling him that if he didn’t leave to go find Sect Leader Jiang right now, then he would release his friend and let him unleash his full anger at him.

With a stiff nod, Lan Xichen left towards the direction Jiang Wanyin had stalked off to. He found the other leaning on a tree, staring up at the sky, seemingly lost in thought. He slowly approached the other, contemplating how to best bring attention to himself.

“I-” He jumped slightly, when he was cut off, not realising that Jiang Cheng had even noticed him approaching.

“Save it. No need to apologise, I know you were bullied out here.” His voice blunt and to the point, void of any emotion, as if he were trying to protect himself.

Xichen was stunned silent, not knowing how to respond to that. He had been told to come apologise, so it wasn’t as if he could refute that. “Oh.”

Jiang Cheng sighed and shook his head. He had guessed that his nephew and brother had made the other come out here and apologise, but he was hoping that Lan Xichen had wanted to come out on his own accord. Evidently not. And why should he? It’s not as if Jiang Cheng was someone that was important to Lan Xichen. All he’d done was annoy him today.

Lan Xichen walked closer to the other, offering him an apologetic look, “whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong.”

“I find that hard to believe.” How could he be wrong, when all signs pointed to his conclusions? He’d been annoying, when he hadn’t intended to be. He’d been compared to Wei Wuxian of all people.

“I’m sorry.”

And for what it was worth, he did sound very apologetic, but Jiang Cheng didn’t seem to believe it. “I said save it.”

“You did. However, I do genuinely mean it.” Xichen looked at the other, focusing on how the other was mindlessly fidgeting with Zidian. I’m making him uncomfortable. “I was told to come out and find you, yes, but I would have apologised on my own. I wouldn’t have left it li-”

“Don’t worry, Sect Leader Lan, I won’t let this hinder our sect relations. I’m not so petty so as to do anything that was affect either of our sects, for a personal matter.” Jiang Cheng cut off Lan Xichen, yet again, seemingly realising why the other had gone out of his way to come out to apologise.

“That’s not-” Lan Xichen was beginning to grow very sick of being cut off midsentence.

“I won’t interfere with any of the trade agreements we have existing already, nor any that we may broker in the future.” Jiang Cheng was rambling now, thinking of anything he could, to ensure Lan Xichen that he didn’t want their sects to fall out with each other. “Oh, we were discussing having our junior disciples have an excha-”

“Would you shut up?” If the other would just stop sprouting out useless information, this conversation could end less painfully than it needs to be, instead Jiang Wanyin seemed to want to draw it out.

Jiang Cheng blinked in shock, his mouth falling open. That was the second time he’d made Lan Xichen burst out in anger like that. Wow, he must really hate me.

“If you would just let me speak! I do not dislike you, nor do I think that this should affect our sects standings with each other.” Xichen’s voice was strained, as he struggled to keep his frustrations with Jiang Wanyin at bay.

Jiang Cheng simply nodded in response, “of course not.”

“You don’t believe me.” Disbelief coating his voice, he stared at the other with narrowed eyes.

“I…” he struggled to find a way to word this, without being insulting or rude, “I believe that you do not wish this to affect our sect standings. Nor do I.”

“But you believe that I dislike you.” He put it bluntly, not enjoying the circles they were seeming to go in this conversation.

With a shrug, he nodded. There wasn’t much else he could say on it, it’s not as if he could make his own beliefs go away with the snap of a finger.

“And nothing I say could convince you otherwise?” Xichen was close to losing it at the other again, not knowing how to change the direction of this conversation. “Not even our past relationship with each other, prior to this evening?”

“Sect Leader Lan is a kind man. He gives chances to those who do not deserve them. I simply overstepped my boundaries tonight.” Jiang Cheng was looking up at the moon, his voice void of any emotion as he spoke.

With a sigh, Lan Xichen moved to stand in front of the other, needing to capture his attention somehow. “And sometimes he simply has bad days, that have nothing to do with those around him.” He said it lightly, but his face showed that he was being serious. It really had been a bad day that had come an unfortunate end.

“But I didn’t help.”

“No, you didn’t. But I should have verbalised that, instead of ignored you.” Thinking about it for a moment, he added on something else, “which is why you kept speaking to me. Other times your company and conversation has kept me from my bad days, it was only safe for you to believe that it would be okay today. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Hmm.” He only hummed in response, as if he didn’t want to accept that he played no fault in the situation.

“I don’t know what else I can do to convince you otherwise. I promise you that we are okay. As long as you can forgive me for speaking to you like that.” Right. Apologising was what he’d come out here to do in the first place.

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes and looked at the other incredulously, “of course I forgive you, I was being fucking annoying and sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.”

Lan Xichen shook his head almost immediately, “I’d argue out of everyone we’ve been with today, it is a place where you are welcome to stick your nose into. I should have communicated that I wanted silence, it wasn’t your fault.”

When Jiang Cheng didn’t respond, Xichen sighed and nodded, “fine, I can see that this will take some time to move past. But can we do that? Forget about tonight, learn to better communicate with each other? A relationship wouldn’t be possible otherwise.” He quickly turned away from the other, choosing to stare up at the sky, instead of seeing the disbelief on Jiang Cheng’s face at what he had just said. He had more or less confessed his feelings.

Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened in shock as he processed what he had just heard, his cheeks beginning to burn at the implications. He coughed into his fist, “uh, yes. We can do that.”

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lvmosity · 4 years

Text

my only valentine | draco malfoy [1]

pairing: draco malfoy x slytherin!reader

genre: fluff bc it’s a valentines day special ooh la la

summary: you and draco have been enemies since the start of hogwarts despite being in the same houses, but everyone knows you two secretly like each other. valentines day has arrived and you hope to receive a love confession from one boy only; your arch-enemy nevertheless. however, a minor incident occurs caused by draco and hurts you deeply. will your valentines day be rescued?

word count: 2.5k

warnings: my bad writing + minor swearing

a/n: aahh i know it’s late !!! this was meant to be posted on valentines day but i got caught up in a heavy load of schoolwork so i didn’t have the time to post it until a few days later oof apologies!

read part two → here

“They’re at it again.”

“What, again?”

“I don’t know why you’re surprised, it’s practically their daily routine.”

You know exactly who it is they’re talking about, those two can never cross paths without hurling an insult at each other. On a good day, those insults can turn from one-worded to a full-blown essay and the audience likes to tune in and rate it with their reactions.

However, that only lasted for a week as it started happening every second, minute, and hour of the day. At first, everyone found it amusing but by the second week, it was starting to irritate them as it clashed with their studies since the bickering would be enough to stop a class in session. Adding onto to some of the student’s annoyance, they were also the core reason for the many points being deducted from the Slytherin house. It was immoral for students of the same house to hate each other but these two didn’t seem to care.

The only time where their classmates would finally be able to enjoy peace was when they had Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall. They saw the two as their saviours knowing the two wouldn’t dare cause a scene in their lessons; they’d be asking for a deathwish if they tried.

But it continued and continued to the point their classmates grew tired and got used to the commotion whenever it occurred, usually letting it escalate and unbothered to stop it. They’d leave it to the prefects or one of the professors to arrive and tell them off. After all, being in the sixth year of Hogwarts, they have little to no time to sit around and listen to silly arguments.

The reason why you knew all of it? Why you were one of the main stars of course, as well as the infamous pureblood blondie himself; Draco Malfoy.

Ah yes, you two are what the group of students were gossiping about. You and Draco were always the centre of attention and it wasn’t a surprise to you when you hear your name slip out of someone’s mouth, Draco’s name following a few seconds after.

You found yourself in the usual scene. You and Draco stood in front in each other, your arms crossed whilst his hands were shoved in his pockets, both staring down at each other as students from all years (mostly second years and a few from your year) circled around. Draco’s goons stood behind him attempting to act as intimidating but it always failed due to how funny it looked. Your two friends stood behind you as well looking slightly frustrated that it was happening again for the fourth time today.

You’d already be on your way to Potions Class, if not for Malfoy sniggering once you three walked past him. You instantly stopped in your tracks and turned around to respond, “Think something’s funny Malfoy?” Your reaction was what Draco was wanted to see since the moment you turned back, he had already made his way over to you.

“Yes actually, I find it hilarious that you’re still choosing to attend Potions when all you ever do is make mistakes,” Draco smirked.

You scoff and roll your eyes. “If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.”

The older students drew in a sharp intake of breath once they heard your joke. Some tried to hold back their laughs whilst the younger students glanced at each other in a confused matter; they couldn’t quite catch onto the meaning.

"You insolent little–”

Before Draco could finish his insult, your friends dragged you by the arms and pushed their way through the crowd. Once you were out of sight, one of your friends drops her grip on your arm and groaned.

“Jeez Y/N! You really couldn’t wait to have another moment with him, could you?” Your friend sighed in annoyance. You knot your eyebrows in confusion, but the blush appearing across your face was telling otherwise.

“If you’re implying that I only fight back for an opportunity to talk to him then you must be mistaken.”

Your other friend giggled “Please, everyone knows you have a thing for Malfoy,” she nudged you playfully. “and I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.” She winked and giggled once more.

The blush on your face grew even redder. “Sh-shut it!” you huff and take off, leaving your friends behind so they couldn’t see how flustered you were.

It was almost like every love story out there; a girl finds herself crushing on the bad boy when she knows she shouldn’t, and you definitely shouldn’t have a crush on Draco. You kept that as your top priority to survive through school, you swore to yourself to never fall for that wicked guy with his pompous attitude that always tempted you to punch him. Yet, one day, your heart decided to beat furiously at the touch of Draco’s hands when he tried to grab his quill from you as you stole it for a bit of fun.

You didn’t know why your heart decided it was time for a bit of change in your life, specifically your love life. Maybe it was to do with Draco maturing body-wise or how you noticed that his looks started to appear attractive to you and you couldn’t help but observe the way he talks, the way he laughs, the way he gives you that smirk. Yeah, you were really crushing on him hard.

From that moment onwards, you found yourself more willing to respond to his insults and backtalk, sometimes slightly saying it in a flirty tone but Draco would be too heated up in the argument to notice.

Your classmates gradually noticed how you’d react to Draco’s comments, you were awfully bad at hiding your small blushes as he passes by you in the hallways. Or in classes, after your argument was put on hold, you would give a nasty look at Draco before turning away to smile to yourself.

No one could ignore your frequent stares at the boy and they found that to be quite shocking. However, it didn’t shock them as much when they started noticing that Draco started staring back.

●●●

Valentines Day arrived the next morning and everyone could be seen chatting joyfully, groups of girls could be seen standing by the side of the hallways shrieking at the sight of one of their friends receiving flowers from their admirer whilst a few couples were holding hands and walked down, exchanging sweet words as they smiled and laughed.

In the past, you didn’t care much for the event due to the fact you barely receive any chocolates, cards or flowers. You suppose this was because most guys and girls felt intimidated by you and saw you as someone who liked causing trouble and had a cheeky personality with the backtalk and all. Not that you cared.

In fact, up until now, you were glad you didn’t receive any love confessions from anyone as you were waiting for a specific boy to do it. For a while now you secretly hoped that there was a sign that Draco, too, liked you back because why else would Draco continue picking fights with another Slytherin? He could just really hate you, but you didn’t believe that nonsense.

Your first class of the day came to be Transfiguration. You and your friends arrived at the classroom a few minutes before the late bell, you three somehow managed to push through the many lovesick couples as well as holding your breath in with the overwhelming love potion aroma. Once you thought you were in the clear, you could see a small crowd had blocked the entrance to the room but Professor McGonagall had cleared them out by the time you got to the door.

“What’s happening here?” You asked Professor McGonagall.

Many heads perked up at the sound of your voice to which you noticed that most of your classmates had surrounded your desk. You raised an eyebrow in confusion but you were starting to feel nervous as you felt the many stares of your classmates.

“Oh Y/N! You’ve got something special waiting for you on your desk!” Professor McGonagall cooed, she pointed over and your classmates had moved out of the way for you to see what it was.

Your heart skipped a beat when you realised it was a medium-sized, pink box of chocolates shaped like a heart with a red ribbon wrapped around. Next to it was a bouquet of a singular red rose with a card placed on top. Everyone was grinning and giggling out of excitement.

“You’re such a lucky girl Y/N!” A girl cried out.

“Never thought I’d be jealous of you, I wish I was gifted one!” Another girl sniffled, wiping a fake tear away.

“Ugh, girls these days.” One of the guys in your class said before you hear a girly squeal, “You pinched me!”

“Shut it Ronald.” You heard a girl say as a small mutter of ‘sorry’ followed after.

The situation was so embarrassing. You walked towards the gift and you could feel your face getting warmer. You couldn’t bring yourself to meet the eyes of your classmates because you felt so flustered that you could literally melt any second now. Your classmates had stepped a few metres away from your desk as they watch you examine the gifts. To think that someone had gifted you chocolates and flowers was something beyond your imagination, you didn’t think anyone would like you and that got you giddy. Your friends stood by your side and looked at you with anticipation,

“Well? What are you waiting for? Aren’t you gonna read who it’s from?”

Everyone nods in agreement and eagerly waits for you to do so. They couldn’t help but gossip among themselves trying to guess who it was.

“I bet it’s that guy in Ravenclaw, I saw him staring at Y/N once during dinner.”

“Nah, It’s obviously Rowan. Heard him talk about her in the hallways a few days ago.”

“Or it could be Harry! They’ve talked a few times out of class.”

Gulping, you nervously grab the card and slowly flip it over. Your classmates, your friends and even Professor McGonagall were all leaning over to see who your admirer was. You haven’t a clue as to who gifted you these and you didn’t know how to react once you discover who it is.

“From your only valentine.”

Everyone groaned out of disappointment, some frowning while others whined out an “aww, that sucks.” They make their way back to their seats, leaving you to stand there alone with a blank face. Professor McGonagall gives you a small but sweet smile, rubbing your back as she, too, walks back to her desk.

You felt disappointed, upset and frustrated. You had secretly wished for a name to be written so you could thank whoever it was after class, whether it’d be someone in your class or someone from another year or house. As thankful as you are to them, you secretly hoped it to be a specific name, you hoped to see Draco’s name.

A loud scoff filled the room as everyone’s heads whip towards the sound. You also turn to see who the perpetrator was and it was none other than Draco himself. You forgot that he was in the room, in fact, you didn’t notice him already seated in his chair when you entered the room. You were too distracted by the commotion to know that Draco was witnessing the whole scene.

Draco leans back and shoves his hands in the pockets of his school pants. “I can’t believe someone thinks you’re special enough to be their valentines, they must be mental!” He laughs, his two goons joining in.

You rolled your eyes. “Jealous Malfoy?”

“Ha! Me, jealous? Please, I received my very own valentines gift this morning.”

“You know your mother doesn’t count.”

Several of your classmates snicker at your joke. Draco scowls at you and crosses his arms, now sitting upright.

“I could get a shit ton of girls to go out with me if I wanted to.”

“Language Mr Malfoy!” Professor McGonagall scolds him.

“Any girl who’d want to go out with you would be called desperate.”

Everyone in the room was listening intently now, indulging themselves in the argument anticipating each comeback. Professor McGonagall couldn’t even find the right time to butt in and cut the argument off as you both kept bickering back and forth.

“Whatever, someone must’ve slipped the poor git a love potion,” Draco said. “There’s no way he would find you good looking without one.”

A collection of gasps and low ‘ooh’s filled the room. You stood there speechless, Draco just called you ugly. Those words stung you and you could feel a slight twinge of pain in your heart.

“W-what?” You choked out.

“Did you really think you could get guys with a face like yours? You’re so clueless it hurts Y/L/N.”

At this moment, no one dared to talk let alone make a slight noise. The tension was so strong you could barely cut it with a sharp knife. Everyone was shocked whilst most of the girls felt offended at his unnecessary comment, shooting daggers at Draco. Your eyes began to water, clouding your vision as you force your mouth shut to hold back a sob but before you knew it, tears start to roll furiously down your cheek.

You make a run towards the door and rush off to god-knows-where but anywhere away from that room, from him. Professor McGonagall tries calling out your name and rushes after you but stopped at the door as she realised she couldn’t see you anymore. She, as well as most of your classmates, shoot a disappointed yet disgusted look at Draco who sits there in silence. Even his two goons fell silent.

“Well done Malfoy, you’re one step closer to earning ‘dickhead of the century’ gold badge,” Ron said sarcastically.

Draco shoots back a nasty look. “Want me to sell it to you when I win it, Weasley? Since it’s worth more than your family’s house; you could be doing your parents a favour and they’d finally see something useful in you.”

Ron shoots up with his fists balled up out of anger, ready to lunge at him but Hermione and Harry pull him back down. Hermione whispers to him in an attempt to calm him down, ‘It’s not worth it Ron.”

Draco didn’t flinch. Instead, he continues sitting there in silence, leaning over his desk as he bows his head. Draco couldn’t believe he made you cry, he immediately felt guilty. Surely witnessing your enemy finally cry because of you was an achievement, especially since it was Draco’s goal from the start. But why didn’t it make him happy? Why did it pain him instead? He wished he never said those words; it wasn’t even true and he knows that.

You were the opposite of what he said but he feared at the thought of you knowing his true feelings about you.

i had to cut it here because i feared it would become too long so i posted the other as a part two. also don’t hesitate to send in requests! + let me know what you think about this c:

#draco #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x you #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagines #draco imagine #draco malfoy oneshot #draco malfoy scenario #harry potter #harry potter oneshot #slytherin

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 4 years

Note

Hi this may not be new to everyone but I was recently introduced to the concept of questioning God. I was raised with the idea that you do not question Them bc who do we think we are to question God, and to question Them is to lack faith. I'm still trying to wrap my head round this new idea so sorry if this sounds really silly and naive but why would we want to question God? And is questioning God=lack of faith? Sorry if this was messily worded

Hey there, anon! When you’ve been raised never to question God, the idea of questioning them can be kind of scary -- but hopefully you will find it to be freeing and empowering and enriching, too!

Now, I think most Christians would ascribe to some sort of “who are we to question God?” type mindset, as you name. I think I probably do, insofar as that means I tend to understand God as omniscient; I do believe that God’s answers and God’s will are Right and Just, are Correct, and that I don’t really have any hope of “proving God wrong.” But even so, it’s not a failure of faith to question anyway! As this post will assert, questioning is a healthy and powerful part of faith.

For in questioning God, in going on a journey of reflection and asking God what the heck is up, I will learn and grow -- I will discover what God’s will truly is, and just why it is Right and Just. And I will grow deeper in relationship with God on the way.

___________

(Before expounding on all of that, I want to add that there may well be some Christians who do believe that God might could be proven wrong -- or at least that God is open to learning and changing God’s mind! Diversity of faith and interpretation is valuable and worthy of respect.

After all, there are stories in scripture where God changes Hir mind -- Xe is convinced by Abraham not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah if even just 10 righteous people live there; and by Moses to spare the people of Israel.

And then there is one of my favorite stories from the life of Jesus, i.e. God Incarnate, where he seems to get schooled by a Canaanite or Syrophoenician woman. I’ve got a sermon on this very story and what it might mean about God’s relationship with us as one open to give-and-take, growth and change!

If I’m not mistaken, a faith that makes room for the possibility of God changing God’s mind is more similar to most Jewish persons’ beliefs about God than a “God is always right. period.” type mentality. Anyway, back to the main point of this post!)

___________

Questioning God does not = a lack of faith. After all, countless faithful figures in scripture asked questions of God, from Moses to Habakkuk, from the psalmist to Jesus himself. See this post for examples!

In fact, many say that questioning God is actually evidence of a deep and vibrant faith. (Again, this idea is a Big Deal for our Jewish neighbors.)

If you dare to question, if you spend time and energy pondering hard topics and you engage with God as you do so, that’s a sign that you care. That you want to know what is true about God, what is true about God’s will for us. You’re not willing to swallow lies or submit to easy answers. That’s powerful faith. As Rachel Held Evans puts it in her book Inspired,

“If I’ve learned anything from thirty-five years of doubt and belief, it’s that faith is not passive intellectual assent to a set of propositions. It’s a rough-and-tumble, no-holds-barred, all-night-long struggle, and sometimes you have to demand your blessing rather than wait around for it.”

___________

Now, saying all this stuff about faith probably requires a redefining of faith. If you’ve grown up being told that faith is as simple as believing in God, as not doubting God’s existence or God’s will, all of this stuff about faith being a struggle or a conversation with God or any of that doesn’t make much sense. So here are some quotes + places you can go to explore new meanings of just what faith is:

“The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty -- because what need do the certain have for faith?” - Science Mike, The Liturgists.

"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns." - Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

It can also be helpful to understand faith not as an achievement, but as a gift -- not something we earn, but are given freely. See this post.

The idea of faith being a journey with ups and downs, and doubt not being faith’s enemy but a healthy part of it, can be explored in this posts + the posts linked in that one.

I find Barbara Brown Taylor’s discussions of a full solar faith vs. a lunar faith in her book Learning to Walk in the Dark very helpful when discussing a relationship with God that allows us to bring Her all our questions and doubts and messy emotions. I described her idea of the perils of a full-solar faith in which we cannot question God and must act happy & thankful all the time in this older post.

____________

Okay. Let’s get to the part of asking questions of God that excites me the most -- using our questions as a way to enrich our relationships with God!

God longs for real, mutual relationships with us -- and that can’t happen if we are unquestioningly obedient, right? A relationship cannot be one-sided; it cannot be unbalanced; it must involve a willingness on both sides to hear the other out. It must allow for vulnerability, for confusion, for communication.

In asking questions of God, we can grow in relationship with Them. And we will be following in a long tradition of good and faithful people who have done the same!

Here’s a quote on how sharing our questions and frustrations with God can actually deepen our relationship with them:

"My favorite Quaker example of this willingness to confront God is a story told by a woman who was so frustrated with her life she began berating God. For nearly an hour, she told God how pissed off she was with Him. Finally, her anger subsided and she heard a “still, small voice” whisper to her: “Finally, we can have an honest relationship.”"

- Anthony Manousos

And another quote about how letting God in on our anger or frustration towards Them is an important part of being honest and connecting with Them:

“Is it ever acceptable to be angry at God? I would suggest that it is not only acceptable, it may be one of the hallmarks of a truly religious person. It puts honesty ahead of flattery.” - Harold S. Kushner

_____________

An additional reason we would want to question God is because sometimes, what we are really questioning is whether a certain thing we have been told is actually of God is or not. Often, when we question God what we’re really questioning is the ideas of God that have been fed to us by other human beings.

For instance, if we have been told that the Bible holds nothing but God’s direct word and will, and then find passages that seem to promote harmful things like genocide or slavery, it is right and good and human to question whether such things are actually promoted by God!

“Accepting the Bible’s war stories without objection threatened to erase my humanity. ‘We don’t become more spiritual by becoming less human,’ Eugene Peterson said. How could I love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength while disengaging those very faculties every time I read the Bible?” - Rachel Held Evans, Inspired

Or if we’ve been told that LGBT relationships are not God’s will, but then we see such relationships bearing good fruit while the repression of an LGBT identity bears bad fruit, it’s sensible and good to question what God’s will in this matter really is.

"If same-sex relationships are really sinful, then why do they so often produce good fruit—loving families, open homes, self-sacrifice, commitment, faithfulness, joy? And if conservative Christians are really right in their response to same-sex relationships, then why does that response often produce bad fruit—secrets, shame, depression, loneliness, broken families, and fear?" - Rachel Held Evans

For more on this element of questioning God that is more about questioning scripture or certain church teachings / leaders, see my “Framework for Interpreting Scripture” page on my website.

_________

I’ll close by commending to you my #wrestling God tag. There you will see many examples of faithful people asking God questions, bringing their difficult emotions and their doubts to God, and even getting snarky with God! For instance, a post with verses expressing anger or confusion towards God.

Finally, if you dive into what it means to ask questions of God, things might get overwhelming for a while -- some people find that taking these steps causes them to feel like everything they thought they know about God has changed. If that happens to you, I’ve got a post that aims to guide you through some steps to getting to know God again.

Best of luck to you, anon, as you continue your faith journey! Please let me know if you have any more questions as you go!

#wrestling God #questioning God #faith tag #doubt tag #Anonymous #essays

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haikyuuscreaming · 4 years

Note

omg hi! you started off your blog greatly, im so proud of you! do you think you can write an angsty scenario for akaashi? where his crush likes this guy and wants help from him and he feels all sad :( but she ends up confessing to him! i love your writing so far, keep it up!

UMM so i accidentally got really invested in this so it’s WAYY longer than a drabble and i often write long stuff bc of ao3 so this might sound a little more like that kinda fanfic style instead of a tumblr scenario? mainly cos im really a sucker for this stuff hehehe love you anon

also ! the request made it sound sort of akaashi-centric so i hope you dont mind? there will still be a lot of reader-chan here though! please dont leave yet and i hope u enjoy

again ALSO i wrote this half on my laptop half on my phone so please dont mind if it seems a lil clunky in some areas

3092 words jesus ok here you go

Crushes weren’t necessarily a new sensation for Akaashi. Just an uncommon one. In fact, the last time he remembers even being attracted to someone was in first grade when everyone had a crush on this popular girl. He’s not even sure if he really liked her, or just found the idea of it interesting.

Now, second year of high school, Akaashi finds himself in trouble. Because for once, he really, really, really likes this girl. You.

He can’t even fake himself out of this, because every damn time he looks at you, he feels all warm and tingly and his stomach feels less calm and he can hear his heart bump against his ribcage and god, his face even flushes a little bit.

(A little bit inconvenient when he accidentally finds himself staring at you and daydreaming.)

Akaashi doesn’t like this feeling.

I mean, yeah, Akaashi has somewhat of a sense of confidence in his looks, manners, and ability to make friends. He’s not exactly the top in each subject he thinks, but it lets him pass through high school without too much of a depressingly lonely life. He could easily befriend you and steal your heart, his inner ego-brat says.

But.. but what if you reject him?

He should become closer to you.

(For the record, he doesn’t not like the feeling. He kind of likes the serotonin boost you give him. But he definitely, more than kind of likes you.

A lot more.)

And one day, in the spring, he finds himself paired up with a special biology partner. With familiar, sparkling eyes and the cutest, most gorgeous voice he’s ever heard that always makes his heart fucking backflip.

Akaashi doesn’t think he can survive this.

His teacher blares, “Start brainstorming ideas for your science fair project! It’s due in a month, you know!”, but Akaashi blocks out the noise because all he can focus on is you, goddamn it. He can only focus on the way you push your hair out of your face, the way your lips upturn into the most stunning smile he’s ever had the fate of encountering, and he really hopes he doesn’t get h-

“Akaashi-kun?”

(Fuck you and your completely gorgeous voice that drives him up the wall and makes him want to kiss you.)

“Oh– sorry, yeah?” He kind of hates himself for how his voice lilted a pitch higher.

You laugh, sounding like a goddess. He hopes that it means you don’t hate him. “Ahaha, I was just wondering if you have any ideas for the science fair? It’s a pretty big chunk of our grade, and I am… not the smartest when it comes to AP Bio..”

Akaashi thinks quite the opposite, but he isn’t currently in the position to contradict you.

“Um…” He pauses and thinks furiously. He comes up with some borderline generic idea that has enough room for a unique twist. And your eyes brighten.

“Waaaoo, Akaashi-kun’s a genius, hm?”

(God, he thinks he might have a little more than a crush on that teasing grin and glittering pair of eyes.)

He musters the courage to smile without looking stupid. “Of course.”

Two weeks later, he wants to sink into a hole.

Yes, it might have been his request that you two meet up to work on the project, but that was because he knew you were a procrastinator! You would start the project the night before if he’d let you!

But it was not his idea to do it at his house.

Now he has to live with the fact that you’re lying on HIS bed, spread-eagled in your sweater and shorts, complaining about how lazy you are.

(He wonders how you’re so comfortable about wearing shorts to a male classmate’s house. You two aren’t even that close, although you claim otherwise.)

“Come on, get up,” he rolls his eyes. “We have work to do.”

“But I’m so tiiiiiredddd… and lazyyyy…. wouldn’t it be such a gentlemanly act of Akaashi-kun to do the project for me?” You flash him a sweet smile while stretching out even more on the bed.

Snorting, he watches you sink into his mattress and roll around idly. “Hey, don’t you need the grade? You can’t pass if you make me do your work.”

Sighing, you hum in defeated content. “Well, it was worth a try.” You reach out your hand and tousle his wavy hair, and he almost flinches at the touch. He hates to say it but he loves it so much that you’re so affection with him, and Akaashi knows he would give anything to keep you teasing him with all this attention.

“Yeah.. yeah, it was,” he murmurs to himself before letting himself sit down next to you. He notices how you scrunch your body from a spread-eagle to a cute, curled up position to make room for him.

“Mm, so how are we gonna do this?” you ask, with a subtle mixture of bored and curious seeping into your tone. Then, he watches your features melt into a warm, mischievous smile as you hum, “Unless you just wanna nap and cuddle or something.”

(Holy fuck.)

Akaashi forces himself to scowl playfully and he shakes his head, sighing loudly in mock disappointment. “I don’t know what to do with you.” And equally as teasing, he adds, “I should just kick you out and not treat you to lunch if you’re going to be like this.”

“Noooooo!!!” you whine in this adorably frustrated and threatening voice. “Don’t you dare starve me or I’m feeding you to the rats.”

He chuckles. “See, that’s what I thought.”

But of course, your face wraps into a devilish grin as you say in a singsong voice and throw your arms around him (which makes him flush and makes his heart go WABAM), “It doesn’t matter though, ‘cause I got this whole-ass meal right here~”

“Shut up.”

(But you both know he never means it.)

Thanks to Akaashi (and your obliging albeit lazy participation), you two blow the science fair out of the way and get an A. He’s never seen you so delighted about a grade.

“I’m so happy~” you never shut up about how grateful you are for him, not that he’s complaining. “This is probably the highest mark I’ve ever gotten in this class.”

“Don’t over exaggerate. You’re not too bad at Bio,” Akaashi remarks. “You just need a tutor, probably, if you’re struggling.”

(By the way, he is ecstatic that you two are ACTUALLY FRIENDS!!! He’s even met your dog!!)

“Hmmmm…” You eye him warily before shrugging. “Whatever you say, Akaashi-kun.” Your eyes flit around before returning on him, and you start rambling about the newest anime you’ve gotten into and how it’s practically on-par with the manga, and how hot one of their characters are-

(For some reason Akaashi really zeroes in on that part.)

He really feels like he has to contribute something to the conversation, so he puts in, “Wow, [Name]-san, you’re such a fangirl.”

You snort loudly and put two peace-signs to your face like some kawaii anime girl, doing this mock-sweet smile. “Waaaooo, you’re rightttt. I’m Akaashi-kun’s number one fan!! He’s so cute when he’s yelling at me to do my work and super hot when he helps me with homew-”

He swears to god his face is radiating an inhuman amount of heat and he rolls his eyes before shaking his head and jabbing your side lightly. “Didn’t I tell you not to say that?”

“Ummm, maybe.” Your ‘innocent’ grin tells him otherwise. “But you know, you’re right, Akaashi-kun,” you cross your arms and give your cute little smirk again. “I am a genius, and I’m suuuper good at Bio. I just need someone to channel it.” And you lean forward until both your noses are touching, and Akaashi thinks he’s about to explode. “So maybe you could help me out?”

The subtle pleading undercurrent in your voice compels Akaashi to straighten up a little bit without flushing even redder. Keep cool, keep cool.

(He prays that his skill of keeping a poker face will hide the blood rushing around in his dick.)

“Well, what time?”

This time around, he finds himself at your house instead. You both are sitting at your desk, ‘working’ on your math and Bio homework. In other words, just talking.

He’s confident now in that the two of you are close friends. He’s learned that from afar, you were a sweet and confident yet perfectly kind girl. That was the girl he based his feelings off of. During your Bio project, he found the cheeky, sly and vibrant yet chill girl who always teased him but was still nonetheless sweet.

And now, under that facade, you were an anxious mess with a shit-ton of insecurities.

(He thinks it’s funny how you boast that you’re just like Shrek. You have layers.)

Akaashi glances at you, groaning with your head down onto the table. “I hate math..” he hears you grumble.

“Hey, you’re not too bad. You just have to be careful when plugging in your equations,” he counters.

“But what if I can’t remember my equations??”

“We both know you’re fine at remembering them.”

“I’m gonna fail.”

“Have faith in yourself, because I do.” And Akaashi is being completely honest. His confidence in you being just fine and being able to pass all your classes is strong because he’s seen you work (after procrastinating). “You just have to work on not putting things off until the last minute.”

You make a frustrated noise before resting your chin on your propped hand. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just.. destined to be set back, y’know? Like, everything I do is gonna somehow backfire on me.”

He knows the feeling, especially late at night in bed, stressing over what tomorrow might bring him.

“And like… I have this whole thing set up for me. When people know me as a classmate, I’m an average student, right? Then when we’re like… ‘friends’, I’m all weird and tease-y.” You let out a loud sigh. “And to the unlucky people who get to this stage, I’m a mess.”

“Stop.” Akaashi’s surprised at how firm he is. “I’m grateful to have met you and to have become your friend, [Name]. You’re going to be fine, you need to trust yourself more. Because I trust you more than anything.”

(Yes, he is on first-name basis with you!! Yes, he trusts you even more than he might even trust Bokuto!!)

Your lips twitch into a small smile, one that he’s grown to love and adore. He’s confident that he’s so fucking deep in love and he doesn’t know how to move on. “You really think so?”

“Of course I do.” He flicks some crumpled-up post-it at you. “Since we’re not doing any homework anytime soon, what else do you want to talk about?”

Your gaze becomes a little more shy and nervous. “Umm… Weeell, I need help.”

“I mean, why else would I be here?”

“No, seriously, Keiji-kun. Seriously!!” You throw mock-fit, despite obviously looking anxious.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m listening. Sorry.”

“Uh. Um, so…” You blink and pretend to look focused on doodling on the corner of your math paper. “There’s this dude I like. Like, I reaaally like him, which is surprising even for me.” You laugh a little bit, and as Akaashi feels his heart start to tear in half, he forces out a chuckle to match. “He’s suuuper pretty– I think that’s the word for it? Pretty. And he’s kinda funny in his own way, and he’s really sweet and listens to me all the time even when I don’t deserve his time. And I dunno, I think he might like me back? Also, I really really really like him. But I don’t really know how to confess…

“Because you know, I’m kinda wack like that, haha. I’ll probably screw up the confession and make things worse, and, well, I need help.” You finish your ramble with a loud breath and you collapse your head onto the table, groaning.

“Uh–” Fuck, oh fuck him, fuck his life. “I mean… I think just a heartfelt confession would do? Something simple and sweet that says you really like him, in case somehow your words don’t work.” Akaashi feels like he’s sweating, a lot, and he feels even more frustrated than ever. His heart is crashing against his ribcage, and his mind is a fucking mess.

You frown a little bit, and suddenly a gush of words fly out of your mouth like a stream bursting from a dam. “Oh my god, what if I’m reading the signs all wrong and he doesn’t at all like me back? I mean, I wouldn’t blame him because I’m kinda ugly and have this weird personality thing going on and I’m shit at math and Bio-”

“Stop.” Akaashi forces himself to intervene, mainly because 1) you’re literally the light of his life and 2) he feels like he has to leave really soon after dealing with the news. “Shut up, [Name]. You aren’t ugly at all, and I, for one, enjoy your weird personality. And I already told you, you’re fine with academics.” He makes himself make eye contact with you, peering up from your arm covering your face, and says, “If he rejects you, he isn’t worth your time at all and you should move on.”

(Preferably with me.)

He watches you exhale, like he just unwound a tight spring from inside of you, and your shoulders relax and you melt from your anxious state, just a little bit. “You’re right. If.. if he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll just forget about him.”

“Because you’re a genius.” Akaashi tries to hype you up, but he still feels like crumbling. Falsely checking his phone, he stretches and stands up. “I have to go now, sorry. My mom asked me to pick up my little sister from tutoring.”

“Huh, already?” Confusion flits across your face, and it hurts him even more to just leave you after you confided in him, but he knows he has to leave before he says something he might regret. “Oh, okaayy.. see you tomorrow then. Thanks for helping me out.” You yawn before standing up to hug him goodbye.

“No problem.” He says it casually, but Akaashi feels his mood drop faster and lower than ever. He hugs you back, but he breaks away fast.

After leaving your house and collapsing onto his bed in his locked bedroom (with his 11-year-old sister knocking on the door and curiously asking what’s wrong), he can’t help but feel hurt that you couldn’t even tell him who your mystery crush’s name was.

A week passes by, and neither of you mention the conversation at your house. It doesn’t matter either way, since you two are still so casually best friends. At the same time, he desperately wants to push the matter just to find out who it is.

Otherwise, Akaashi has noticeably been more quiet and moody to the point that he doesn’t know how to control it. Sure, he keeps up the same as he would before your conversation, but he can’t help but feel his heart sink everytime he sees you. His mind is ecstatic every time he talks to you, while simultaneously wanting to tear itself apart.

He’s tried getting rid of feelings for you, in literally every way possible. From avoiding thinking about you (which backfired horribly because he ended up thinking more about you) to focusing on other girls (ew, none of them were even capable of creating the same effect on him as you do), he’s tried it all and it’s all failed.

Akaashi realizes his silent slump has gotten so bad to the point that Bokuto made him sit out a few practice matches in the gym just because Akaashi was nowhere near the spot that any of the team expected him to be at.

After school, he meets with you near the vending machine as always. You buy two cans of coffee, one for you and one for him.

As soon as he takes the can gratefully, you clear your throat.

“Yeah, [Name]?”

Glancing around before staring him in the eye, you start, “Keiji-kun, before you run away, I just…. I just wanted to let you know I really really really like you. Like, a lot.” You start speaking kind of fast, so Akaashi can’t process what you’re saying.

“And I mean it. Ever since the Bio project, you’ve been so nice to me and you’ve been such a great friend even though I made it hard sometimes, and along the way I just caught feelings. You honestly mean everything to me, and I appreciate you so much for everything we’ve been through. I- I think, I love you, Keiji. And I hope you accept my feelings.” You smile, almost nervously but nonetheless sincere, and Akaashi thinks he’s about to explode.

“I- I,” Fuck, oh my fucking god, he thinks to himself. He’s shaking a little bit– that’s how happy he is. “[Name], I..” God fucking damn it, he can’t even express how happy he is. He feels his cheeks blossom and he feels his lips quirk into this goofy smile.

But then he watches you shy away a little bit as you hurriedly say, “I- I mean, sorry. It’s okay if you just wanna be friends-”

“No.” Finally, Akaashi can use his mouth and then he gently takes your cheeks in his hands and closes the gap between you two, lips connecting in a display of pining and affection.

He practically melts into the kiss, he’s never been so happy. He thinks he’s actually about to implode; he’s been dreaming about kissing you like this, against your soft, plush lips. And finally he’s able to call you his, to call you the one. When the two of you finally break away for air, he’s breathing hard and his mind is a mess, which is rare considering his usual stoic state.

Akaashi has also never seen you so flustered and blushy. He murmurs into your ear as he takes your hand, “Feelings are 100% reciprocated.”

“I can tell,” you laugh breathily, and he’s so happy to hear that some of your anxiety has dissolved in that sweet kiss. He’s absolutely infatuated with you in every aspect. He leans in for a soft, quicker kiss on the lips and savors the feeling of warmth he gets. “Dork.”, he whispers.

“Only for you.”

#akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keiji #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu scenarios #holy shit this is long #this wasnt supposed to happen

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diaphanuos · 4 years

Text

reposting bc tumblr is not kind to me, but i hope you like it agnes!! @clownerying

Regret was a feeling Livia Morelli was never quite accustomed to, having always believed that the choices she would make at a particular time was the best choice she could make. It was true she had promised him she would stop -- that she would leave him alone, and never look for him again. But the thing was, she didn’t stop. Never did for a second. In fact, as soon as their last phone conversation ended, she began looking for a private investigator that could help her-- quite a feat when most private investigators in the city were working for her father. But she did find one who was willing to help her out, and that was how she got hold of the address of a place that she was told Jayden spent a lot of time in during his childhood. And she had been ecstatic when she was told he would be there. Now, she was beginning to wonder if that had been the best decision. Regret, Livia Morelli decided, was not her favorite feeling.

“What are you doing here?” The surprise was evident on his face-- in the tone of his voice. His voice, oh how badly she longed to hear it, especially since he had iced him out after the last time they spoke to each other. Some days, Livia would just call his number again and again, if only so she could hear his recorded message for voicemails, because he never picked up, never called her back. Some days, she feared the only way she would hear his voice ever again was through that recorded message.

“I came for you, silly,” she said, her tone light despite the overwhelming feeling in her chest at seeing him again for the first time in months. She noted how he looked physically alright, if not a little tired. Livia wondered if, just like her, he’d spent his days thinking about her, missing her, hoping he would see her again. Livia wondered if, like her, he felt her absence as painfully as she felt his. “I came to take you home.” The slight smile on her face turned into a frown at the expression that crossed Jayden’s features, and she dropped her hand that had reached out to touch him. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“No, Livvy, I’m not.” His quick response felt like a knife to her chest, and she could only watch in astonishment as he raked his hands through his dark tresses in obvious frustration. Livia wanted to cry at the thought that he wasn’t as happy about their reunion as she was-- or how she thought she would be. Did he really never want to see her again? “I told you never to look for me again, and you just-- you didn’t listen.”

“We haven’t seen each other in so long, and this is how you respond?” Anger began to bubble up in her chest, and she clenched her fists so tight to stop herself from crying. No, she thought. She was not about to back down without a damn fight. She saw Jayden open his mouth to speak, but she cut him off abruptly. “No. You don’t get to do that to me. Not after you left me without even so much as a goodbye. You don’t get to act all angry that I’m here. In fact, you know what--” She could feel her heart beating faster her chest, and her voice getting louder. “-- between the two of us, I should be the one who’s angry, and I am. I am! I’m furious that you left without saying goodbye, and on fucking Christmas too! Do you know how long I sat there, waiting for you like a damn fool, before I realized you were standing me up? Do you?” Despite her restraint, she could feel hot tears run down her cheeks, and she wiped them angrily with the back of her hand.

She didn’t give Jayden a chance to speak before she continued. “And now, you’re mad at me for not listening to what you said? Well, I’m sorry, Jayden, that I care way too much about you to just let you go like that. I’m fucking sorry that I wasn’t about to just let you throw away years of friendship without even so much as an explanation because hey, I deserve a goddamn explanation! But you know what? Fuck you, that’s what. Fuck you for making me regret ever coming here to look for you! Fuck you for leaving without even saying goodbye! Fuck you-- Fuck! Fuck! Don’t you get it, Jayden? I love you! I can’t just-- I can’t just let you go.” She was full-on crying now, her heart breaking, her whole body aching as her vision blurred by tears pooling in her eyes before they fell down her cheeks. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been holding in ever since he left, holding on to the hopes of seeing him again. And now… Now that he was right in front of her and their reunion was nothing like she imagined, she felt like a dam had broken inside of her.

She was wiping her tears with the sleeves of her sweater, unable to meet Jayden’s gaze for fear of what she’d find, when Livia suddenly felt his arms around her, and it was as if all the strength in her body left her. She hadn’t even realized how exhausted she felt, and everything that she was feeling was taking a toll on her. And, in the arms of the boy who’d always made her feel safe since they were children, she was able to stop acting strong.

“You never listen to me,” She heard him say as he held her, and she clutched tightly onto him, as if afraid that if she didn’t hold onto him tight enough, he would disappear once again. “I told you to be a good girl, and you didn’t listen to me. Why do you always do this?”

Livia thought she could hear him crying as he spoke, but she didn’t dare look up, afraid that if she would move, the moment would pass. “Why would you leave me like that, Jay? I thought.. I thought you love me.” She never heard him explicitly say it to her, but Livia knew. She knew in her bones that this man-- the man she’d spent more than half of her life with, the man who was willing to drop anything and everything for her, loved her. He could tell her otherwise; could tell her he didn’t want to see her again, or that everything they shared was a lie, but Livia knew better. She knew him better. “What gives you the right to do this to me?”

She thought she felt his jaw move against her head, but Livia didn’t hear him speak. Whether or not he had whispered something to her hair, she didn’t know. All she did was hold on tight to him, afraid to ever let him go again; afraid to go back without him. So many things were still uncertain at that point, and Livia was afraid to ask if he would come home with her now for fear of what he might say, so she simply embraced him, and knew that no matter the pain he caused her, or the loneliness she felt the past few months, there was nothing he could do to make her stop loving him.

#clownerying #agnes #otp: say you love me #c: livia morelli

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camilahq · 4 years

Text

can’t stay mad at you for anything

TAGGING: KJ @itskjapa, Cami.

LOCATION: Vancouver, BC.

TIMEFRAME: April 15th, 2020

NOTES: KJ and Cami get into a fight the day before they go back to LA.

KJ: Laying on the bed, hands behind his head over the pillow, KJ watched as Camila was neatly folding her clothes in the suitcase she had brought over from her place. There was a weird feeling surrounding them. Almost as if they were doing something illegal after staying in the same apartment for so long -- even though everyone had been granted the chance to go home. The fact that nothing about the current epidemic was truly over yet was rather scary too, especially when his loved ones back in New Zealand had found themselves in a very precarious situation, though he wasn't one to be negative. Actually, he was embracing this much-needed breath of fresh air the change of scenery would be, especially at his new home in Los Angeles. The redhead couldn't wait to unpack the furniture and finally make it as homey as possible with his girlfriend right by his side. "Oof, what's this?" he inquired as his brown eyes caught a flash of red silk. He swiftly sat up and reached out for the material, letting it hang in the air hooked around his index finger. "How come you haven't been wearing this yet, aye? I'm keeping it for later." Amusement was written all over his features as he pulled her skimpy thong over his head, only to throw himself back onto the mattress with a bright grin.

Cami: When they had been given the okay to go home Camila had been excited if not a little nervous. She had decided to channel all of her nervous energy into packing and getting KJ's apartment ready for them to leave it. She was currently packing her own clothes into a suitcase she had brought over from her place and KJ was laying on the bed watching her. She was caught up in her own thoughts when she heard the redheads inquiry which caused her to look up from the task at hand. Camila rolled her eyes at him as he hooked the thong that had caught his eye around his index finger. "I don't know, I just haven't," she replied, rolling her eyes and continuing on with the task she had started. Camila wasn't annoyed at him perse, she just wasn't in the mood to goof around. "I'll wear it in LA, now give it back," she added reaching out for it as he pulled it over his head. She heaved out a frustrated sigh and continued to pack, not giving him any attention.

KJ: For KJ, the lack of attention and the complete disregard of his foolish antics seemed like another game for them to play — one where he was supposed to make her give in. It was, after all, something he and Camila often got to partake in and there were no other signs pointing in another direction. Not even the annoyed eye roll or the heavy sigh that had followed. “How about you wear it now? Put on a little show for me,” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows as he tugged on the fabric of the thong — pulling it off his head and moving it to his face; exaggeratedly taking a sniff of the underwear when they both knew it was clean and smelled like some kind of lavender product she had used. “Come on, baby. You know you want to.” he chuckled, tilting his head with a wide smile. The expression on his features had not faltered one bit, still full of enjoyment regarding the current situation and he was simply waiting for his girlfriend to play her part. This was how it always went down.

Cami: She knew that he was expecting her to give in to his antics and tease him right back, but this time she just wasn't in the mood. Looking up at the next words out of his mouth, she stared at him blankly as he moved the underwear to his face and giving it an exaggerated sniff. "No, I don't want to. What I want is to pack and clean up the apartment so we can go back to LA tomorrow," she huffed, trying to not get too frustrated because she knew he meant well, she just wasn't in the mood for teasing right now. She willed herself not to cry as she continued to fold her clothes and pack them away, she wasn't upset with him, she was just frustrated and wanted to focus on the task at hand. Camila didn't dare look at him when she had aired her frustrations because she couldn't bear to see his face falter.

KJ: Perhaps he had read the situation all wrong. Well, that was quite the understatement as Camila looked at him — her gaze devoid of any emotion. Although, he could perceive the annoyance etched on her features which prompted the grin crossing his lips to slowly fade out. KJ pondered on whether or not he had done something to evoke such reaction, but he wouldn’t recall anything that would have her be so... cold. A little pang in his heart shook him out of his thoughts, tongue darting out and licking his dry lips before he moved back up once more to place the thong back in the suitcase. “Sorry.” he simply said, avoiding the sight of her as well by swinging his legs off the mattress and focusing his attention on his knuckles as he sat on the edge of the bed. Yet, he couldn’t help himself and added words he should have kept to himself. “Next time you’re in a mood, wear a sign.”

Cami: Camila could hear the disappointment in his voice as he tossed the thong back into her suitcase. "Babe," she started, biting down on her lip as he swung his legs off the mattress and focused his attention on his knuckles. She was about to apologize when he spoke again, this time his words cut deep and now she was pissed at him. "And you don't have to be such a dick when you don't get your way," she mumbled, walking out of the room to go and clean up the kitchen, wanting to keep herself busy so she would feel better and was less likely to snap again. Truffle was sitting by the door, looking up at her with a whimper. Camila took this as a sign that she wanted to take a walk, but the actress had things to do so she walked back over to the bedroom, hoping the redhead would channel some of the energy he had into taking the dog around the block for a quick walk. "Can you take Truffle for a walk?" she asked, setting the dog down on the bed with the lease.

KJ: KJ knew Camila by heart at this point. Knew exactly just how much her strong personality could make him regret ever uttering those words — truth be told, it was already the case. Perhaps the frustration of not knowing why she was acting this way in the first place, though he was usually never one to antagonize others. And especially not her. Jaw clenched as she spoke again, the bite of her words only fueled the emotions that were slowly overtaking his being. With such thought in mind, the redhead decided to stay in the bedroom and will himself to listen to his head more than the hurt feelings washing over him. Though what happened next threw every good intention he had right out of the window. “Right.” he scoffed, rather annoyed at the fact that the only thing she could see fit to do right now was to ask him to walk Truffle. He gathered the dog in his arms nonetheless, his hand holding onto the leash as he made his way past her form breezily, unable once more to stop himself as he crossed the threshold. “From boyfriend to dog walker, how the mighty have fallen,” he mumbled under his breath before closing the door behind his frame with more force than usual.

Cami: Camila knew that if she could just suck it up and explain her frustrations this would all go away, but they'd both now said things that they couldn't just take back. They had added fuel to the fire and now they both just needed some space. His reaction to her asking him to walk Truffle took her by surprise, she had expected him to jump at the opportunity to get some fresh air and spend some quality time with the demon dog. Watching him take Truffle up in his arms and breeze past her in the doorway brought tears to her eyes that she begged to not fall. What had started with her just being annoyed at him was now turning into a full-fledged fight which was something she never wanted to happen. "Kaje... it's not like that," she responded to his mumbling, wincing as he slammed the door behind him. Camila opened it quickly, sticking her head out into the hallway, "I just thought you might enjoy some fresh air," she called out to him, stepping back into the apartment with a heavy sigh. She knew that he was pissed off and frankly she was too, so she blasted some music and got to work cleaning up the kitchen, the living room, and the bathrooms. Camila tried to block any sad thoughts out of her mind which is why she was able to focus so intently on cleaning and get most of the apartment looking clean enough for them to leave it for a couple of months.

KJ: To say KJ felt like an idiot was putting it lightly as he walked Truffle around the neighborhood with a cigarette hanging from his lips -- the nicotine slowly appeasing his nerves. Looking back on their 'fight', if one could even call it that, the situation as a whole just seemed so out of left field. They had been together 24/7 for the past few weeks and maybe something as futile was bound to happen at some point. No matter how much they tried to stay put in their secure and fun bubble, tensions were high in the world -- soon, it would be affecting them fully as they'd board on a plane for Los Angeles. Putting them at risk. Reality was finally catching up to them and although he had done his best to stay positive, the redhead could understand why Camila would be stressed by their upcoming trip. Deep down, he was too. His default mode was simply to make bad jokes and avoid the matter altogether in preference of a positive outlook. "C'mon, Bubbles. Time to face the music," he muttered, a light chuckle tumbling out of his mouth as he put out the cigarette and made his way back to the building. The ride in the elevator was always a long one, thankfully in this case, which gave him the opportunity to ponder on how to proceed next. And he came to the conclusion that perhaps giving her some space would be for the best. Exhaling softly as they entered the apartment, KJ watched Truffle run away from him and down the hallway -- surely in search of her owner. As she always did whenever he was the one to take her out. He nodded to himself, ready to stick to the plan of making sure they had some much needed time for themselves and plopped down on the couch; immediately reaching for his guitar nearby before brushing his fingers against the strings in a familiar tune.

Cami: Camila only had the apartment to herself for about thirty minutes, but in that time she had cleaned up the kitchen, living room and bathroom. She wanted to distract herself and try to calm herself down and right now one of the only things she could control was how the apartment looked, so she cleaned. They hadn't really fought per se, they'd just both said things in the heat of the moment when tensions were high. With everything going on in the world, Camila's anxiety just felt at an all-time high and while she was excited to get back to Los Angeles, she was also terrified about the risks they were taking to get there. She was in their bedroom when she heard the door unlock, she buried herself under the covers and pretended to be asleep if he decided to come in and talk to her. Camila just wanted some space, which she realized he was giving her when she heard Truffle running down the hallway. "Hi baby," she whispered, patting the bed so the dog would jump into it with her. Camila could hear KJ strumming on his guitar in the living room and it made her smile for the first time since they'd been together in the bedroom earlier. "How was your walk?" she asked the dog. "Did you have fun with KJ?" she asked, her voice catching on his name, missing him already even if he was just in the other room. Camila knew that if she wanted to fix this she was going to have to go out there and talk to him because he was respecting her by giving her space. She just wasn't ready yet.

KJ: In between two motions along the strings of his guitar, KJ could have sworn he had heard her voice — small but undeniably hers nonetheless. Surely talking to Truffle about their walk and he had never wanted a dog to be able to speak more than right now. Mostly to help his cause regarding the situation they had found themselves in. It made him pause for a brief moment, keeping the sound in mind before he strummed the instrument once more. Trying to find the right melody for the voice he longed to hear more clearly right now. “Your eyes... open wide as I look your way.” he hummed softly, intently focused on the song he was currently playing. This wasn’t a game of who would give in first, and the redhead knew he needed to be patient — his good star had shined so brightly for a while, it couldn’t give up on him now after all. Not when they had barely scratched the surface of their relationship. “Couldn’t hide what they meant to say.” he sung as quietly as possible, although the guitar itself produced enough noise on its own. He didn’t want to be a nuisance, but at the same time couldn’t simply just stay put and do nothing. Not when he felt so blue and playing was an escape of some sort. “Feeling lost in a crowded room.”

Cami: As she lay in the bed they had been sharing together for almost an entire month now, scratching Truffle's head she heard the sound of his voice as he continued to play. Her heart melted at the words as he continued to sing, she could hardly make out his voice which was why she was laying so still trying to quiet Truffle's whining. Camila pulled the covers back and held the dog in her arms as she shuffled towards the living room. At first, she just stood there, watching him as he played the guitar and sang, his eyes were closed so he couldn't see her. She wanted to say something, but she was so mesmerized by his voice that had improved and grown so much in just the past year. "Babe?" she called out, after a few more seconds of his playing at passed. Camila wasn't ready to approach him yet, but she hoped he would see the look on her face and know that she was ready, to be honest, and talk through why she had gotten so upset. Truffle had started kicking her legs, so Camila set her down and she immediately ran to KJ, jumping into his lap without a warning.

KJ: Fluttering his eyes shut, KJ leaned back against the couch — laying down with his guitar on top of his body as his fingers kept up with their motions along the strings. “When you smile your eyes show your heart.” Those were the moments when he could be at peace, forgetting about everything but the powerful feeling that constantly brought so much joy to his being. No matter how much the lyrics could pertain to a certain raven-haired girl currently hiding from him. “True love is hard to find now.” he sung, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth before the sound of Camila’s voice resonated in the living room. Catching him off guard. The redhead quickly shuffled on the couch, disregarding the guitar on the side just as Truffle jumped on his lap — looking at him as if she was expecting something. Though his attention was entirely focused on his girlfriend, brown eyes reflecting the confusion he had been submerged with earlier. Pondering if there was something more he had completely missed. He kept quiet, patiently waiting and allowing her to handle this the way she saw fit.

Cami: Tears were threatening to spill from Camila's eyes as he continued to sing, but she willed them away. Camila watched as he quickly shuffled on the couch, disregarding his guitar just as Truffle jumped into his lap. She saw the look on his face as he watched her and it made her heart feel like it was leaping out of her chest. Camila slowly made her way over to the redhead, pouting at her dog in his lap. "How rude of Truffle to take my seat on your lap," she teased as her lips turned up in a shy grin. Camila picked up a pillow that was next to him on the side opposite his guitar, sitting down next to him and stuffing it into her lap. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm just really stressed about going back to LA, like I know it's going to be good to have a change of scenery, there's just a lot that goes into it," she whispered, looking at her hands as she spoke. "I didn't mean to snap at you, but then you got snarky and I got even snarkier."

KJ: He kept his gaze on Camila as she took a step forward and moved in his direction, tentatively and full of uncertainty. As if approaching a wild animal. Such a stark contrast to the way she usually carried herself. She seemed to be apprehending his reaction just as much as KJ was and that fact alone instantly made him feel better. At least they were both on the same page — hesitant, but wanting to make things better. He couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the words she uttered, the expression crossing his features more inviting than previously while he listened to her explanation. Something he had obviously already known deep down. “It’s fine,” he replied with a firm nod before reaching for one of her hands; hoping the motion would make her lookup. “It’s not like we truly fought— it was just a little bit of tension and I get it. But we really ought to be more open with each other. You gotta talk to me when something’s wrong because I’m not always perceptive.” The moment shared in the bedroom was proof enough. KJ had been so inclined of making things light that he had missed out on how truly nervous she felt. “I’m sorry for being a jerk. It just took me by surprise, though that’s no excuse.”

Cami: When he reached out for one of her hands, she looked up at him with a smile, giving the hand that was in hers a squeeze. "It's not totally fine, but I appreciate you saying that," she whispered, bringing his hand up to her mouth so she could place a soft kiss on his knuckles. "I know, I know, I just think that we've gotten so good at reading each other, sometimes I just assume you know what I'm thinking about and what's going through my mind, but I know that's not true," she added with a sigh. "It's okay, I know you were just projecting because I was shutting you out, I know you didn't mean what you said," she finished, dropping his hand so she could pick up Truffle who was just a few seconds from falling asleep. Once the dog was secure in her arms, Camila moved from her spot on the couch to her boyfriend's lap, snuggling up against his chest once she was comfortable. "I hate fighting with you," she whispered, leaning her head up to pepper his jaw with kisses. "How was the walk with Truffle?" she asked, giggling as the dog started to shake in her arms at the mention of the word walk. "Uh oh, I think I've awoken the beast."

KJ: As Camila moved from her spot and upon his lap, KJ's arms instantly wrapped themselves around her frame -- one hand finding a place on her hip and the other gliding back and forth along her thigh in a soft caress. They had only been apart for less than an hour, but under such circumstances, it almost felt like a whole day had gone by since he had been able to touch her. The comfort her body snuggled up against his brought him washed away every negative emotion that had been conjured up. "Me too," he whispered back, humming in contentment at the feeling of her lips against his flesh. Returning the gesture on the crown of her head and her forehead -- lingering for a little bit in order to bask in the moment. "She's always got so much energy. Wonder where that comes from, aye." he joked with a quiet laugh, his gaze falling down to the dog that was currently too excited at the prospect of another walk. Despite the fact that they had literally been on one. "Do you wanna talk about it?" There was no better moment than the present after all and the redhead felt like they should share whatever was on their mind regarding the situation.

Cami: The feeling of his arms wrapped around her frame made her instantly feel better. She hummed quietly as one of his hands softly caressed her thigh. The negative emotions she had been feeling completely washed away in their current position. Camila smiled as he kissed the crown of her head and her forehead, lingering to bask in the moment. "She's got lots of energy, maybe we can take her on another walk in a little bit?" she asked, leaning forward to kiss the top of the dogs head. Camila looked back up at him, "Yeah," she nodded. "I just — I don't really even know where home is at this point, honestly, right now I just think that home is wherever you are and I'm looking forward to a change of scenery so I'm excited to go to LA, but there's a lot that goes into it and I'm really nervous," she said, looking at him with a small smile.

KJ: KJ nodded along to the words she uttered, letting her know he was listening and willing to understand everything she would share with him. The world as a whole was quite different lately and he had not stopped to realize just how confusing it must have been for Camila. Especially now that they were living together. Temporarily at least. “Your feelings matter, babe.“ he said after a moment, returning the smile she offered him and tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear. “I know it’s weird. Though you should know you can definitely count on me— wherever we are, I’ll do my best to make you feel like you belong.” The redhead dipped his head and captured her lips in a soft kiss, breathing her in and allowing her wonderful perfume to invade his nostrils. “We’ll be okay. I can only be positive and I want you to meet me halfway. No matter how scary it might be out there. Because we’re a team, remember? It can only work if we’re in this together.”

Cami: Camila kept the smile on her face as her boyfriend tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear. "I know that my feelings matter, I'm just not always the best at expressing them," she replied. "And of course I know that I can count on you, you've been the best company in the last month. I couldn't ask for a better quarantine buddy, truly," she added with a shy smile. Camila hummed against his lips as he kissed her, reaching out to hold his face between her hands, keeping him as close as possible before they pulled away. "Yes, we're a team, a perfect team and I'll meet you halfway, I promise. Thanks for being the best boyfriend and putting up with me."

KJ: How could he blame Camila for not always being the best at expressing her feelings when he had his moments too? Though KJ hoped they would find themselves being able to open up more easily as time went by — this was a work in progress and moments as such could only help them grow. “That’s all I wanted to hear, babe. If we both do our best, then it’ll always work itself out,” he whispered with a tilt of his head, the smile dancing across his lips widening before he nudged her nose with his own. As far as he was concerned, there was no need to dwell on the matter more than necessary. With such thought in mind, the redhead licked his lips and directed his brown orbs back to Truffle; the dog had closed her eyes as fast as she had previously opened them. The sight made him chuckle. “We’ll go on a nice walk around the neighborhood together this evening, aye. For now, I just wanna hold my girls.”

Cami: At this point, she trusted KJ with her life, so she knew that it had to hurt a little bit that she couldn't find it within herself to fully open up. Sometimes Camila just got into her own head though and she had to be reminded that there were people who wanted to listen to her. "I know. Sometimes I think I just forget that I'm supposed to be sharing my problems because we're partners and we'll do anything to help each other," she replied, smiling as he nudged her nose with his own. "Thanks for being so understanding," she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder as she watched him look at the sleeping pup in her arms. "Sounds perfect, babe. For now, your girls just want you to hold them," she whispered, snuggling closer to his neck as he rubbed her back.

#p010: can't stay mad at you for anything.#corona tw #covid19 tw

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magnoliasrotting · 7 years

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Sansa x daenerys pls! Idk probably I just imagine them bonding over girly things, like fashion maybe? Or Sansa can teach Dany needlework and Dany is surprisingly good at it. Idk, I just think dany needs a gal pal bc female friendship is the best.

Sorry for taking so long with this! It’s a bit less fluffy than you probably hoped but I hope you still like it. I’m not the best at fluff. I put it all under the cut cause of length. Hope you enjoy!

She smiled in the face of Daenerys excitement and happiness. The other woman looked ecstatic and as lovely and beautiful as ever. A warmth spread all through her chest at the sight of Dany’s happiness. The sensation was no longer unusual or strange. In fact, she could not think of a single moment when Dany didn’t make her feel warm or happy.

“It’s lovely,” she commented, unable to contain her own pride or happiness. Daenerys beamed back at her, pride and something else, something that she dares not acknowledge, shining in her eyes.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without your help,” Dany admits. She blinks, wondering when they had gone from two women, weary of the other to this. When had the Mother of Dragons become Dany? When had, the Queen become her friend? Sansa did not know but she had never felt so grateful for their companionship and shared evenings of girliness.

“Of course, you would have. You’re the Mother of Dragons remember, there’s not much you can’t do.” Dany blushed, making her look younger and more girlish than ever. Curiosity struck her though as she studied the fine piece of embroidery. “Although, I must ask, why did you sew the Stark signal? Is it for Jon?” Something sharp and painful pierced her at her words. So many of their evenings had been shared together, discussing fashion and sewing patterns, talking of simpler things. Their evenings had been simple but they had been hers. To find out that Jon might have existed, invisible and as some phantom, always hidden away and there, was something that hurt too much to even think about.

Dany seemed to blush even harder than before and quickly stuffed the embroidery away. Disappointment pooled in her stomach at the sight, so it had been for Jon.

“It’s nothing,” the other woman mumbled, looking anywhere but at her. Anger and hurt rose inside her. Look at me! She wanted to shout. Daenerys had never had a problem looking at her before. Some of her gazes had made her go cold and filled her with uncertainty, others happiness and some, some a strange and hot heat that had made her skin go tight with something unbeknownst to her. And yet now, Dany could not bear to look at her as if it hurt to even glance up.

“Of course, my Queen, I apologise for asking,” she said smoothly, her voice revealing nothing. Dany’s head shot up, flinching. Perhaps, from the formal title, it had been a long time since she had called her by that name.

“You don’t have to apologise for anything,” her voice sounded frustrated and her expression was more so. She did not reply though and they both fell into an awkward silence. Daenerys expression was something unknown to her, equal parts hidden and uncertain. It wasn’t the Queen’s face that she always saw, nor was it the expression of the girl, Dany that she sometimes caught sight of. It was something completely unknown to her and it made her feel nervous.

Dany finally spoke, sounding just as uncertain as she felt. “What would you like to do this evening now?” I’d very much like to kiss you, is what immediately comes into mind. She decides immediately that is the wrong thing and pushes it out of her mind.

“Weren’t you talking about wanting to learn some of the Westeros fashion designs? A lot of what I have is very Northern but I do have one or two of the Southern dresses.” Dany’s eyes lit up at the prospect. She near smiled but squashed the urge down. You’re still mad at her, she reminded herself. Why she was mad at Dany was unknown (or at least uncomfortable to admit).

“That would be lovely,” Dany said, her smile (if possible) lovelier and more beautiful than before and she was finding it very difficult to hold a grudge.

“I have some of the dresses out that I thought you might the look of,” she quickly said, rising and turning away from Dany. She hurried to the wardrobe, grabbing at the select few dresses that she had picked out. She turned around, her hands full of dresses but jumped. Dany was right behind her, looking curious, excited and more. She shook her head, pushing the silly thoughts away. She’s in love with Jon, she told herself, saying it as if it was something that mattered. None of this is important. Dany can do whatever she wants and give her embroideries to whoever she wishes.

“It’s beautiful,” Dany murmured, coming closer until she could feel her close and impossibly warm. Even if she were to become blind or deaf, she would still be able to recognise Daenerys. That heat belonged to no one else but her. Fire and blood, she half mused to herself, how fitting.

“I thought you might like it,” she said, turning slightly. She passed the dress to Daenerys who shot her a grateful look, running her hands down it. She tried not to smile but it was impossible. How is it possible for one woman to make me so happy? Sansa didn’t understand it but she was grateful. Even now when Dany was so obviously in love with Jon. “I thought that you might perhaps like to do another project. I know it seems rather sudden but perhaps we could make a dress together or if you don’t like it. We could do something else.” She said quickly, her words turning into babble. Dany placed the dress down on the chair, careful and reverent with it. She stilled, suddenly scared and unsure of what to do or say next but her fear was unneeded because Dany only hugged her.

“Thank you,” Dany mumbled, sounding impossibly young. She froze, despite how much time they spent together, they had never touched. This was different and more, more than she had ever imagined. Her heart softened, gone was the layer of ice and stone. All gone and all because of her. She wrapped her arms around the shorter woman, hesitant and careful.

“There’s nothing to thank for,” she said softly. There was more that she wanted to say. There was more that she wanted to do but tried her best to stay silent. There was a time for more and a time for the unknown and this was not it. This was a time of war, even now, hidden away, it was a time of war. She tried to tell her heart that but it would not still. Gods, still my heart. She’s in love with Jon. Perhaps it was that thought that forced her to speak.

“Your embroidery was beautiful. Jon will love it,” she said, sounding more heartbroken and pathetic than strong and kind. Dany stiffened and broke away from her. All that was within her protested and it took everything in her not to follow the path of her body but she didn’t, holding herself with a breaking restrain.

“Jon? It wasn’t Jon.” She had never heard Dany sound so confused and she had never felt more foolish. Still there was that voice of uncertainty, if not Jon, then who?

“But you used the Stark signal.” Daenerys flushed bright red, her eyes cast downwards. She almost felt bad for bringing it up. She had never seen the other woman look embarrassed.

“It was for you,” she finally snapped, glaring at her feet. Heat filled her cheeks at the confession but her chest felt warmer. “I didn’t want to give it to yet. I wanted it to be special.” She tried her best not to show her joy and happiness but the act was impossible. “I guess now is as good as any,” the other woman said awkwardly, moving away from her. She grabbed Dany’s hand, her fingers curling around Dany’s own.

“Now is perfect, all of it is.” she said, meaning each word more than the last

#daensa #daenerys x sansa #daenerys targaryen #sansa stark #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #my fic #game of thrones #got #gadisnaplasma #daensa fic

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bytheanchorarchived · 7 years

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bits and pieces

( @viirid ) parts of damen and alec’s relationship constructs on discord. to be added to, eventually.

🇨🇱🇴🇸🇪🇩 ↬ a series of temporary moments (viirid)

damen:

"And yet this way I not only get what i want, but piss off the clave as a bonus without even lifting a finger."

alec:

sighs "do you even have information or did you just want to get me here?" will never admit, is kinda flattered though.

damen:

"is there anyway to answer that question without you getting all grumpy?" lolling his head to the side to look down at alec, a lazy smirk. "kinda backing me into a corner here."

alec:

steps in closer with a shake of head a new sigh “you're such a jerk” corner of smile.

damen:

"you're not the first to call me that." jumps down from the ledge. "you better get back to that mission then because i got nothing for ya."

alec:

"really?" hums, as he walks in closer and arches an eyebrow "then i can go...? there's /nothing/ you want to say to me? nothing to declare? i can go home and get up to training?"

damen:

"Whats it you want me to say?" mirroring that flirtatious behavior, hands on his hips. "you already know i want you here."

alec:

triumphant smile as he leans in for a kiss "you just did..."

damen:

"Jackass." grabbing onto his collar to bring alec in quicker for a hardhitting kiss

damen:

also, with them figuring out whats going on in the downworld with demons murdering werewolves and such. imagine alec bringing damen (or really, damen being stubborn and following alec cause he aint sitting out on this) and like it leads to him meeting other shadowhunters, maybe izzy and jace. and damen is just a complete dick to everyone and leaves with the usual asshole damen flare of like, 'i'll handle this." and alec is left like, "he doesnt mean that."

alec:

alec like inner sigh "he's really not that bad to work with once you know him" izzy looking at him like she totally knows everything already, and alec blushing to his ears, but also just muttering something and going after damen like, "if you're willing to work with me, you can work with them too. they're my family damen. isabelle's my sister, and jace's my parabatai. really, it's like you're working with just me. we NEED the back up, alright? i don't want either of us killed, so can you please behave for just one night?" and after a while a muttered noise of "i'll compensate you if you do."

damen:

damen would turn so fast on his heel, a look of complete outrage at that like, "'Compensate?'" Shoulders so tense as he gently shakes his head, so completely gone at what was happening. First obnoxious nephilim and now alec trying to bribe him. "Go on then. You want the back up, go have it." Just balling his fists cause he seriously was just pushed to the edge by this whole situation of thinking he would so easily be controlled. "Don't expect me to play along, be a good little warlock like your fuckin' pet." then with that, he'd turn and keep walking(editado)

alec:

alec being all surprised, but also, fuck, i fucked up, watching damen go not knowing what to do. him ending up going on the hunt with izzy and jace, because it's one chance they have to get at the real thing later, so they go and it's messy af, and afterwards, alec is exhausted and clothes torn and covered in ichor, but he shows up at damen's bc he needs to talk to him, and he's like frowning and embarrassed and like,, 'you're not my pet, damen.' and like not really sure what else to say, but he wants to, and kinda just waiting to see if damen will even let him speak.

damen:

god, its a wonder damen even opened the door but he'd swing it open, harsh enough that the door went flying into the wall, crashing against it as damen walked further into his apartment. after taking one look at the mess alec was in, it just confirmed that he was an idiot and went in without him. probably already moving to his kitchen as he called over his shoulder. "Yet, you still attempted to control me." moving to grab a wet cloth to toss alecs way so he can clean himself up a bit. "What're you doing here?"

alec:

alec would be all hesitant, but follow. probably has bruises and stuff bc he rarely uses the iratze, but he isn't really thinking about it. he'd frown, though more at himself, and the situation, start cleaning himself as he stood on the other side of the island and shake his head like. 'i didn't mean to. damen i don't think /anyone/ could control you if they tried.' arches an eyebrow some before biting his lip. 'i just thought...' stops and looks at him, as he puts the cloth down for a moment. "would you have come if i'd just asked?" feeling his stomach burn because he can't believe he actually asked that, and half wants to hear the answer, half dreads it and would like a hole to fall into.

damen:

damen probably already gave alec a once over, making sure he wasnt in critical pain, which is why he felt comfortable enough to just throw a wet cloth at him at this time. damen just crossing his arms as he leans back against a counter on the opposite side of the island. the question would just have him growling, because he would've known the answer if he gave him a chance to say it himself. just tensing his jaw before he finally grumbles. "I wouldn't have liked it -- wouldn't put on this fake fuckin' act of being nice to them." just a look of restricted frustration until finally he finishes with. "But you asked so... " he shrugs as a way to finish it, "guess you'll never know now."

alec:

alec would let out a soft breath as he thinks about what damen is saying, then nod once, and say, "i'm sorry... i'm not really used to this whole r-" cuts himself off before he can say 'relationship' because he doesn't know if that will go over well, and he isn't even sure it's what this is. and then just kinda roll his shoulders and be like "can i still call you, tomorrow?"

damen:

brow pinched togehter, eyes narrowed as alec cut himself off. he wasn't a complete idiot. he knew there was something alec was keeping himself from saying. and while any other time, he would've forced it out of him, right now he couldnt care less. he was pissed off as he stayed where he was. arms crossed, keeping himself separated from the other. "do you think I should let you?" he fired back, "would you want me to call you if i tried to bribe you into working with demons, a kind you are very familiar with murdering innocent downworlders."

alec:

alec would blink in surprise, then grimace, because he never thought of it like that, and just press his jaw before taking a breath like, "probably not." look over at damen, and he wants to go to him and touch him, and do something to make it better, but he's not sure what. just trying to keep his shoulders and posture straight. "i wouldn't work with /anyone/ that thought that way. isabelle, jace, and i, we are not like that. /i/ am not like that. i would faster draw my bow to someone like that than ask you to work with them. i wouldn't trust your safety on someone that doesn't care if you live or die!" light blush but determined face. "i would never think of you as an object or a pet i just" he'd make a frustrated gesture and rub his nape. "you confuse me. okay? if i thought-" presses lips. "if this is..." pop of jaw as he tries to come out with the words, but doesn't quite know how to. "this is all NEW to me. i'm still learning. but i'd like to have the chance to do that."

damen:

Damen would drop his head then, this conversation held centuries of bad blood for him and he knew that was no excuse to take it out on Alec's narrow experience. Even if he believed that about the others, Damen was a little harder to convince. Hell, it took a while before he could even think about calling on Alec. He pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing to keep himself levelheaded in complicated situations such as this. "You're caught between my past that hasn't given me much of a sparkling reputation for your kind, Alec. And I'm sure they're not so fond of me with what I've done." He returned his hands to his sides as he stepped forward, trepidation in how he moved. "You need to accept that I will never think of Nephilim as I think of you, otherwise this will become even more complicated then it already is."

alec:

alec would watch him, worried he had made things worse, but he doesn't know what else to do but to be honest. it's all he CAN do. he'd frown at his words, because they tug at something in him. he's heard all of it, of course, while working with damen on the mission. every time he'd get sent to him it'd be with a few choice words. every meeting a poke here and there. but he ignored it. or cut the person off when he could. he'd glance down, then up again, able to breathe better because at least damen is getting closer to him now, not putting more distance. "for one...i don't care. i don't care what they say about you." he'd say after a while, licking his dry lips. "they wouldn't be so fond of me either." he'd shrug quietly, because it's the truth. he knows how he'd be treated if they knew about him. "but i still believe in our values. and i have my family to keep safe. and i can understand that, but i'll need you to also understand this. i won't push you, anymore. but i also can't turn on them or shut them out." he'd breathe in. "you think we can work with that?"

damen:

"I'm not asking you to stop." Even if ever fiber of his being was telling him to scream at Alec, to pull him away from the monsters he called clave. Keep him at a safe distance, it wouldn't be very fair to ask him to give up what he believed in while he was fine with what Damen thought. With this, he knew it has expanded what was happening with Alec on a larger scale now that others are getting involved. And while he would've preferred to keep what they had, he knew this was inevitable. Eyes found Alec's as he spoke, "I can work with you, and if that associates me with more Nephilim, then I suppose -- don't they dare ever think they can control me." He cut himself off, to make thinks crystal clear as well as to try and hide his admission to facing what he completely loathed for Alec's sake.

alec:

alec finally breathed as he spoke, looking at him with open blue eyes, just taking his words in, and realizing what they meant, knowing maybe this would be okay, his lips curling lightly at the ends, at the chosen conclusion, and shaking his head. 'they'd have to dare me first.' he shrugged. it was true. he breathed in, "there's something else." he stuttered a little, but his tone was firm, and his face serious, despite the light tug in his stomach. "there's something i have to know. i'm not asking for anything FROM you." he said intently, eyes on damen's so he knows he means it. "either way i'll be fine, but-ut i realized. tonight. i. i have to know this. whatever this is with us. if it's just sex, that's fine." he blushed a little but with a firm gesture. "but i.. i'd like to know." he stated, half nervously. the thing was, that night had been rough, and more than once or twice, he'd seen death coming in their hunt, as hunts tended to do. and as he did, he realized he might as well not last before this mission is over. they'd been at it for months. and he didn't want to die not knowing that, that simple thing about his own life. if the person he was starting to care about so much, felt anything back, or if it was just having fun and passing the time, as izzy used to say.

damen:

Damen arched his brow when Alec brought up there being something else, of course being a pessimistic had him preparing for the worst. And he was not disappointed. Seriousness was blatantly obvious thanks to Alec's 'serious' eyes. And even then, Damen was distracted by how someone trying to be serious would make him want to kiss him. And when he was suddenly smacked into the face with the relationship defining question, something he anticipated but had hoped would never come so soon. They were having fun weren't they? Why add a label to what they were. Damen was selfishly happy pretending he wasn't attached to the shadowhunter, but even he was beginning to notice how the rooms seem brighter whenever Alec was around. "Like to know what?" He started as his head canted to the side, arms sliding across the surface of the counter until he was bending over it, holding himself up by his arms as he was closer to Alec now. "Do you feel as if this is just sex, Alec?" It was Damens loser way of getting around admitting that he saw Alec as more then a warm body. Inadvertedly trying to avoid recognising his own growing feelings

alec:

alec looked at him, wondering if damen'd gotten angry with him at bringing it up, but he can't not be honest about this anymore. it's been lurking in his head for ages. he watched him as he seemed to think, then got closer and leaned besides him. alec looked down at him, licking his lips and feeling a little breathless, the question thrown back making his face heat up, he looks at him and he part his lips to say something, looks down, locking hands behind his back, shoulders tensed. 'it's not.... to me.' he feels his stomach flip as he looks up again tentatively. this wasn't how he'd wanted this to go. he had hoped damen would tell him how far he could go in this, how far he could lead the things he'd been feeling lately. or from the start... he wasn't so sure about that. he remembered how damen had reacted to knowing he'd been his first. wondered if he'd think this was alec's inexperience talking again. by the angel, he hoped not.

damen:

"Do you really want more?" Was the question spoken while in his mind it was do you really want me? It still befuddled him, after finding out about Alec's lack of experience, that the Shadowhunter had chosen him. The hated rebellious warlock that was ruled by anger for the Nephilim somehow managed to capture Alec's attention. And apparently more then that by what was said by the other. Even the thought was ludicrous. Both in subjective ways as well as anyone feeling that for him. Emotions, feelings -- they brought nothing but pain, disappointment, vulnerabilites. To hear that Alec risked that, without being asked to, or encouraged... well, it had taken Damen by surprise. Feeling his palms sweat from where he was laid out across the counter top. "You're aware of the risks? Not to mention, you certainly getting backlash for- for me." damen could only imagine the field day that would happen if the institute or the clave happened upon the information that one of their best was seeing a warlock that cursed their way of life.

alec:

Alec looked at him, dumbfounded for a moment, stomach clenching at the question because Damen's tone made him feel foolish. He blushed some more, and licked his lips trying to buy some time. he hadn't intended for things to go that way. He'd just needed to know how Damen felt, so he knew how he was allowed to feel too. He was good at it. Controlling what he felt, or how much he showed, it wouldn't be anything new. He hadn't wanted to be out in the open like that, or for Damen to feel like he had to respond to it. He brought a hand to his nape, pressing down on the hair there, Damen speaking again before he could work up the guts to, he frowned, letting his hand fall. "Just. Please." He asked, him, in light frustration as he tugged Damen to get him upstraight, as Alec shifted to get in front of him. "Risks?" He arched eyebrows. "Yeah... I mean. I think that's done for, Damen..." he frowned

damen:

He hadn't complained when Alec took the initiative to tug him upright, moving willingly to how he directed him but he didnt stop there. While Alec just stepped in front of him, Damen automatically lifted his hands to run circles at the others thighs. Small, suggestive caresses as fingers teased going underneath the material of his shirt as he brought Alec closer to him. He was highly distracted for a time, which wasn't unusual since anytime Alec was within reach he could never control himself. "I've never done more." He openly admitted, and while he may have sounded blunt in the way of words, hidden underneath was the vulnerabilities and all too painful memories. Reasons why he kept everyone at a distance. "You might be disappointed."

alec:

As far as he was concerned, there was not any kind of relationship he could have that would ever please the Clave. So why should it influence him? "I don-" He started, having to choke off a moan into a gasp when Damen reached for his thigh like that, so cassually, before moving up his shirt making him clench his stomach. he tried to focus, forcing his eyes back open as Damen spoke, a little out of breath. He reached for Damen's hip with a bruised hand, wrapping the other at the side of his neck, thumb brushing against his jaw. "I don't care..." He mumbled. "I don't... I'm not asking y-you" he clenched his teeth, damn it damen, he breathed in. "... for... anything. I just need to know... If... What you want." He said, intently, eyes a little lost as he looked to him for guidance. "I'm not going to hold this against you." He confessed in a gentle breath, expectant.

damen:

He kept his advances gentle, a state he hadn't much experience in with how he favored the rough over the careful. But with the disastrous state Alec came to him in, he didn't want to push the poor Shadowhunter anymore. Which he didn't mind, he was enjoying how such brief touches could leave Alec so out of breath in a second. Damen grinned as he continued to watch and admire the other reacting in front of him. Consumed by it, especially when Alec attempted to speak. At the question, of course Damen needed to take a moment. Silence filling the air as his thumbs continued to run circles over Alec's hips. To have more -- put himself in a compromising position.... Did he want to risk that? Did he want more with Alec? The archer certainly seemed to be all willing to put himself out there, why wasn't it more difficult for him? How was he so sure? "I want you." He finally confessed, but even that burned a hole through him. He could feel his chest constricting knowing that he doomed himself in future. That his past was soon to repeat itself thanks to how stupid alec made him. " ... God, I'm a fuckin' idiot ...." He muttered under his breath, throwing his head back with an exasperated lopsided flash of a smirk.

alec:

Alec thought about what Damen said. He'd never done it either. Any of it. He felt his heart thunder. He wondered if Damen said yes, what that wouldn't imply. He wasn't sure. Just that it wouldn't twist his chest so much when he thought about it. So maybe that way he could figure it out. He knew what would happen if everybody found out. He wondered if Damen would want them to be public.. Hell, he didn't even know if Damen- He stared in near shock at the sudden confession, taking in a harsh, stuttering, breath. That was. His eyes widened, because he hadn't expected that at all. Not REALLY. He'd expected Damen to say he didn't really want more than they had now. That Alec would have to get used to it. And he WOULD. He'd try, at least. But... He... He heard the mutter as he looked at him, and he wasn't sure what it meant, but he didn't care now. Damen wanted him. REALLY, wanted him. Alec felt the smack of their lips as he jerked Damen in, right down to his bones.

damen:

He knew he was fuckin' condemned now. No going back, he's said his piece and Alec apparently agreed. They were gunna do this. Fuck. Fuck. All he could hope for was the distraction of Alec would be enough to keep his mind from remembering everything he's been through with other mortals. Being reminded that the curse of being part demon was one to bare alone. He settled into the kiss despite his mental freak out, using it as an anchor -- using Alec as an anchor to keep him from really going off the deep end. It wasn't really explained what Alec wanted, what exactly the more he was talking about, or how drastic it would be. But Damen did know it was about to be a hell of a lot more complicated then it was now. "Settle down there." Damen lightly chuckled as he broke the kiss, relaxing his forehead against Alec's for a moment before leaning his head back while hands remained at his thighs. "Don't think you're gunna get away with coming in here, exhausted after a big fight without me noticing. You better get your stele or I'm kicking your ass back to that institute." He smiled as a way to warm his threatening words.

alec:

Quite frankly, just KNOWING that Damen wanted him too was enough. It was almost too much to handle, really. He didn't care for more, okay, maybe he'd like to spend some time with him that didn't include just Damen fucking him into oblivion, but they'd started doing that some, already, right? It'd be nice being able to relax and talk to him without feeling intrusive. Other than that, Alec, himself, didn't really know what he wanted, or if he wanted ANYTHING, other than to know he wasn't alone in this. Again. He felt Damen kissing back and barely felt embarrassed at his small whimper. Damen had heard all of it from him at some point or another, and he didn't think he could be blamed for how eagerly he pushed for tongue, considering he spent the evening wondering if Damen would even want him BACK. He was left chasing when the other broke off, and made a small frustrated sound in his throat, before feeling the urge to groan. He tried to catch his breath. His fingertips, lips, and even brain and lungs, still tingling from Damen's confession. He wondered if someone could pass out from being too... Dare he say. Happy. "Right. Now you approve of Clave methods." he grumped at the other, though the sight of his smile warmed alec in from his toes, as it usually did. Still, he sighed and reached in his jacket for the lean object, wincing some from a pain he'd been hiding. He felt half tempted to ask Damen if he wanted to try it out, to tease him, but settled for a half hearted glare, as he ran the stele over his iratze, quite deliberately, on his forearm. "There. Happy?" He asked, as he shoved it back, always feeling uncomfortable whenever he used that, bruises disappearing from his skin and a quiet breath as his bruised rib healed as well. He sighed, then leaned in and pressed a new kiss to his lips. "Can you please, take me to bed now?" he asked, too spent and relieved to work up enough energy to blush anymore.

damen:

He might be a cold, hardass, but he wasn't blind to the state Alec was in. The guy was a mess, there's no fucking way he was going to let him continue on like that. He also knew Alec was too damn stubborn to do it on his own, so Damen held no shame in holding his lips over the other like that. He stood back and watched smugly at the obedient little Nephillim. Hands still on Alec's waist, holding firm as he kept their hips pressed together. Eyes followed his movements, making sure his stele was back in his jacket pocket before stealing a demanding kiss. Surging forward without warning to connect their lips once more in a heated mess. A selfish one as Damen needed it out of his system before he could even begin to think straight. After a moment he broke it with an obscene lick of his lips, he looked around his apartment, a hum as he played on the idea that he had to think about Alec in his bed. Torturing the other with the pause as he ran a hand down the curve of his back. "I could take you to bed..." Damen bumped their chests together as his lips found the strong line of Alec's jaw. Sucking purposefully as he purred, "I need to check up on some business matters first -- brewing potions I need to make sure wont explode during the night." While he savoured the toned curves of Alec's back, his hand dropped to where he could pointedly squeeze his ass. Grabbing a handful with a smirk, "You make yourself comfortable, I'll follow you in a bit."

alec:

Alec hated using the iratze. He'd rather let his wounds heal themselves, and he might have worked up the guts to argue it, but not tonight. They'd argued enough. He used it then, and shove it back in his pocket as soon as he could. It helped that Damen almost instantly kissed the air out of him. There was a brief, gasping sound, and then Alec was giving in. He whined, hands lurching forward to ground himself on his shirt, before they slipped and ended up on the counter behind Damen, pushing him back against it as Alec stumbled forward. He drank in air as Damen pulled back and his eyes fell to his lips, unfocused as the warlock licked them in a way that made his groin twitch. He groaned. Why must Damen do this to him? He fluttered his eyes closed and leaned his head back, allowing Damen space and whining again softly, face heating up from the way Damen's lips on his jaw made his breathing heavy. Damen knew how responsive he was and it still made him blush. He licked his own dry lips, barely listening to the words, but what he WAS hearing he didn't like. he frowned some, pitifully. "The whole night?" He asked, trying not to sound as eager as he felt. He closed his eyes again, Damen's caress making his skin rise in goosebumps under it. His fingers curled on the edge of the counter and he pushed himself further forward, grinding his hips against the other's some, in tease and also to ease the friction, specially when he grabbed his ass, making him try to muffle the moan. He sighed. "I... I can do that." He pushed him back, though, and kissed him again, hard, smashing teeth against Damen's lips and rubbing their hips together, in eager thrusts. He forced himself to pull back with a wet smack. "Okay... I can. Right. Bed." He forced a step back with a small groan. "Don't take too long." He asked him.

#🇨🇱🇴🇸🇪🇩 ↬ a series of temporary moments (viirid)#( because i wanted this saved here )#viirid #viirid: damianos

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meetmeatthecoda · 7 years

Text

All right well...

... I didn’t think I’d be making any more posts about The Blacklist any time soon but hey, life has a way of surprising you that way (see: the current American political climate). So I have some feelings about tonight’s ep (WHAT ARE FEELINGS I BARELY REMEMBER) and, believe it or not, they’re mostly good! So, in case there’s anybody still out there who gives a shit about this show and/or my opinions about it, here’s a summation of my current state of mind.

Fair warning: This is a long-ass post.

Okay so last week’s ep was complete shit. The whole “WE HAVE A BIG SURPRISE CAUSE OH NO A MOLE WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE OH WHOOPS WE SPOILED IT IN THE PROMO BUT OH WELL WE’LL JUST PRETEND WE DIDN’T” fiasco with nary a scene with both Red and Liz in a room together because, what, like that works? Whatever, you get it, it was crap. But I’m gonna talk about THIS week because my sanity is important to me.

So. I actually thought it was really pretty good (I know, how are pigs not flying and meatballs not falling from the sky). As long as you ignore the vomit-inducing Keen2 playing house and “repairing their relationship” bullshit. (That was physically hard to type btw.) There was actually an interesting, if initially slightly creepy, blacklister story, no completely boring post office team shit, Red displaying some very interesting goals and behavior (ohhh, don’t worry, we’ll get back to that), and some actual Red/Liz interaction. Shocker. So, obviously, I’m gonna focus on Red & Liz because.... well, what the fuck else is there? Okay, so.

First of all, let this lizzington rant be prefaced by the fact that, yes, I know Tom still exists, unfortunately, but he is leaving for the blessed spin-off in February hopefully after a Jupiter-sized blow-up fight with Liz that will make him never come back. Ever. This hope is inspired by the stupid, god-forsaken promo that I accidently saw on NBC the other night where Tom says into a phone, “A second chance. That’s all I want.” Didn’t he already get this? You know, when Liz took back her abuser and started a family with him? Why would he need another (fifteenth) second chance? Did the whole “perfect family” thing with Liz fall through? Why, oh why, would that be? A discrepancy about parentage of one little girl perhaps? (second filming in the shipping container anyone?????? Pleaseijustreallywantthattocometosomethingcanyoublameme) Well whatever. I don’t care what drives Tom away so long as something does. So with the spin-off, I’d like to think we’re pretty much guaranteed that, at least for a little while (dare I type it?) So with that in mind, I’m just gritting my teeth through the Tom scenes for now. Okay, moving on. Also because I apparently have nothing better to do than watch this stupid show out of the corner of my eye while pretending to be on my computer and not let this shenanigans affect me at all

So. Back to where we all want to be: Red&Liz. Based on this ep, they seem to be on pretty interesting footing. Liz thanked Red. Maybe it was a bit of a backhanded compliment. Oh well. I think we’ve come to expect that from Liz. At least she mentioned it. I’ll take it. I was, however, surprised by Red’s rather frosty reception. He’s not groveling at her feet for scraps of attention as he once did. As @ihaveyoulizzington graciously reminded me, Red & Liz still haven’t really talked since Liz faked her death and Red was wrecked. So yeah. Some residual hard feelings are to be expected. Since being reminded of that, Liz’s cheerful, friendly attitude is a little ridiculous, per usual. But I think she is trying to be nice, with the whole Red asking to see her new place (CUTE BABY) and her kindly saying, “not yet, maybe someday” (some DAY?! Not some TIME?! Are you SHITTING me?!) and Red’s cute pouty lip and “welp, okay then, whatever” expression. In summary, I think they’re trying. (The puzzle piece was also very symbolic, I thought. As soon as Liz said “someday” and Red accepted that, the last puzzle piece fit right into place. Maybe with that promise from Liz, Red can start putting himself back together again, just like that puzzle. At least that’s what I got from it.)

And now back to Red’s behavior. From the beginning of this ep, I thought that it was a little strange. The first scene or so of the ep was depicting Tom and Liz’s “blissful home life” (a la the pilot) and then they went to Red in that weird all white apartment, freaking out the real estate lady, when he usually goes to such lengths to put innocent non-criminals, especially women, at ease around him. And for the whole ep, he was obsessed with the white carpet and how there was no stain. Red is usually not stuck on one topic for that long. But he just kept raving on about it with a weird look in his eye. I think he was trying to block out the guilt he still feels (and Dembe is still inflicting) over Kate’s “murder” (in quotes bc she’s still alive bc no one dies on this show). This manic, obsessive behavior coupled with trying to complete an all-white puzzle in an all-white apartment throughout the whole ep was, I though, really meant to represent his current mental state. Kind of shell-shocked, not processing everything that’s happened and affected him more than he’s willing to let on, in denial about a lot of his feelings, feeling distanced/never really reunited with Lizzie, and just his ever present mountain of guilt. Just call him Atlas, amiright? Sorry, I’ll stop. So yeah, I think Red is really lost and hurting and it looks like that’s gonna come to a head real soon and I couldn’t be more glad that they’re actually showing that. ALSO, DEMBE. THAT PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL. I HAVE MANY FEELINGS. Firstly, when that underling Red manipulated into betraying his boss asked Dembe, “Could you shoot your boss?” and Dembe said, “I don’t know.” WHAT. NO. DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE TPTB. DON’T YOU DARE RUIN THE MOST PRECIOUS, INNOCENT, HEALTHY, AND SOLID RELATIONSHIP ON THIS SHOW WITH YOUR BAD CHOICES. NO. DEMBE LOVES RED LIKE A FATHER AND RED LOVES DEMBE LIKE A SON. DON’T YOU DARE RUIN THAT. I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE YOU. IS2G. *ahem* Sorry. I mean I get that Dembe has some hard feelings about Red “killing” Kate, that’s only to be expected, cause I imagine Kate was the only mother Dembe ever really knew. So I get it. But Red is also the only father Dembe knows and Dembe would never hurt him. Never. It was much more in character and exponentially pleasing to me to see Dembe go to Liz about Red instead. Like yes. That is straight out of fanfic and I’m fucking here for it. And before Dembe mentioned the whole “Red ‘killed’ Mr. Kaplan btw I don’t think you knew g2g bye” I was ALL FOR Liz going to Red because SHE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HELP HIM and saying, “Red… I’m here. Come back to me. I need you to be here.” Etc. Don’t fucking get me started, I can reference a list of approximately 894 fanfics where this happens and I want to see every single one play out on screen. Anyway. In reality, it’s probably going to be an angry confrontation but I’m actually looking forward to it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there will be tension and anger between the two of them because of a NEW ISSUE. NO FATHER DRAMA OR “I WANT ANSWERS” BLAH BLAH this is a new thing that hasn’t been addressed before that has strong emotional connections for both of them and I’m here for that ensuing argument like

Liz: “Red, how could you?! She was only trying to help me! And she loved you! How could you not at least try to forgive her?!”

Red: “She took you from me! I almost died when I lost you and she was behind it all! I cannot forgive that, not even for her!”

Like yes. That’s some good-ass drama and some feelings may come to light and I’m here for that shit. Yes.

Anyhoo, before I get too carried away with that (even though restraint is kind of a lost cause at this point in this endless post), let’s just touch on that promo, shall we? Undercover-thief!Liz. Sign me up. That shit has potential. And with that above argument leading into Liz just snapping, “I’m going undercover. Don’t try to contact me. I think it’s best that we spent some time apart anyway. Goodbye Red.” And then Liz goes undercover to be a younger, hotter, more criminal Liz all while Red looks on with that anger and tension bubbling underneath and he can’t help but find himself even more hella attracted than usual to this especially sexy version of Liz that is all of a sudden a lot more like him. Yus. Gimme some of that, please and thank you. This is practically fanfiction writing itself. I have about 57 scenarios running around in my brain, half that I’ve read in fanfic already and half that I definitely want to read asap. Example: Red not listening to Liz and bursting in on the undercover scene and taking out his frustration with her by introducing himself as her bf or husband or some kind of sexual relation and they get rid of some of that tension by acting sexy for the others cause they gotta sell that fake relationship so Liz doesn’t get made, right? No I don’t have a favorite trope of course not why do you ask Anyway, what I’m saying is this could actually go somewhere, ya know? I’m kinda excited.

Sooooo believe it or not, I will watch next week and hopefully enjoy it. Here’s hoping for a good time. Also PLEASEEEEE for the love of god please let this spawn some undercover-thief!Liz and interfering-criminal!Red sexy fanfic. Please. Okay, thanks bye.

(Also, if you made it to the end of this shit-ass post, you deserve an award. K.)

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #anti-tom #mine #a blacklist post #wow #it's like a pink unicorn #enjoy #if you want #whatevs #i'll love ya anyway #peace out peeps #<3

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