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leaderwonim · 1 day

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unconditional love. ✧ park sunghoon x fem!reader genre: bittersweet fluff, coming of age angst

you liked park sunghoon, you truly did. he was kind, intelligent, and had that soft introverted persona on the outside.

when you got to know him, he became the most funny and loudest person to ever exist, which had your heart doing backflips.

it wasn’t him that was the issue. it was you. you always had commitment issues, never being able to settle down because of your past pulling you behind. i mean—how could anyone ever like you? you felt as thought you were too loud, too annoying, too irritable, just too much.

despite your brain constantly bringing you down, park sunghoon loved you. he loved every single piece of you, the way you’d blow your perfect hair out of your face as you concentrated on the textbook in front of you, the way your eyebrows would furrow when you didn’t quite catch a question or answer, the way you’d prop your head onto your knees as a way to comfort yourself.

god, park sunghoon swore you were the one. he didn’t care that his friends warned him about your earned title of being a ghoster when it came to relationships, he didn’t care that it felt like he was constantly putting in more effort than you.

as long as he’s got you, he doesn’t care. so how did the two of you end up in this situation?

“i don’t get it,” sunghoon frowns, “what did i do wrong?”

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” you say exasperatedly, “in fact, you were perfect sunghoon. you were everything i wanted and more—it’s just me.”

park sunghoon hated the classic it’s me not you excuse when it came to situations like these. but because it’s you, he lets it slide, even though he already feels the tears coming.

“i don’t want to hurt you any longer, hoonie. you have to understand i’m ending this because i care about you too much to put you through hell.”

sunghoon solemnly nods, knowing whatever he’ll say won’t change anything, that it’s already too late and you’ve already made up your mind.

it’s cruel, he thinks. life. how it could be so depressing and meekly all at once.

it wasn’t until a year later that sunghoon and you crossed paths again. you two were now sophomores in college, and had even attended the same university.

you had gotten a boyfriend, finally deciding to settle down after maturing and realizing how much of a piece of shit you were to all the boys at your high school.

his name was heeseung and he had treated you like a princess, reminding you of how sunghoon used to treat you back in senior year.

now here you were, sitting on one of the university steps with your head hung low. your parents had given you the call about them divorcing, right in the middle of your sophomore year. you were miles away, and was heartbroken knowing your family was splitting in two without you being there physically to support them.

“hey, you okay?”

you knew that voice better than anyone.

“hoon?” you sniffle. “i’m sorry—why am i even calling you that.”

“it’s okay.” he reassures you, patting your back as he takes a seat. “what’s wrong?”

“parents are getting divorce,” you scoff. “guess thats karma for all the things i put you through.”

“don’t say that.” sunghoon gently wipes away your tears, frowning when he sees more appear.

“you shouldn’t even be comforting me, i treated you like shit sunghoon, i got a new boyfriend right after i said i couldn’t settle down with you.”

“who cares?” sunghoon says, and for the first time, you don’t see the romantic love he used to have in his eyes for you. “we’re young! of course you’re going to find other people.”

you’re in awe at the maturity sunghoon is displaying. you knew it took a lot of courage for him to do so.

“why are you being so nice, sunghoon?”

“the world is already cruel, yn.” sunghoon sighs. “so therefore, i won’t be.”

and although his words won’t stop the divorce of your parents or the sadness filling your chest, it makes you feel a tad bit lighter, knowing that you had someone like park sunghoon in your life.

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louisredsuit · 6 months

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honesty hour: the vitriol in this fandom can be very discouraging for me as a fic writer, even though I’m not the one it’s directed towards

#why are weird vc fans so racist #why are people getting mean anons and hate comments #why are people getting troll fic and memed #I’m not personally getting hate but it’s depressing to see it #it’s just frustrating because I loooooooooove the show #and I am laying in bed writing hrh which should be really fun for me #but I just have this annoyed feeling because why am I creating content for a fandom that can be so nasty???#I know there are lots of people who aren’t but ugh #I just wish people would stay in their own corners of the internet

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polyamorouspunk · 6 months

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I hope I'm like you when I grow up

#super depressed; bitter and lonely; hates everyone + everyone hates?#jk thank you so much you have no idea how much this means #imma be honest a good 50% of the time I wish I was fucking dead #I’m so tired of living event to event like ‘oh I can’t kms my best friend is visiting’ ‘oh I can’t kms I have to go see INK’ etc.#and honestly I’m such a bitter and angry person I mean some of it is valid #like when my managers are like oh I can’t finish all my shit can you clean the bathrooms for me and I’m like sure #only to get to work this morning and told that they were messy and gross and I did a bad job etc. like okay I just won’t next time #but also just like can’t control my emotions having so many meltdowns at work + home + on this fucking blog #feeling like I’m ugly and no one’s ever going to love me again etc.#but also like you know what I’m cool. I’m smart. I’m hot. I got some good qualities #be like me: have bpd and fibromyalgia and love horror and metal bands and listen to true crime and donate to victim funds.#be gay do crime post about it online #punk gets mail #personal

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shirkers2018dirsanditan · 9 months

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i did resolve to stop throwing myself so many pity parties and to cultivate a practice of indifference towards my own life so that i could one day truly feel indifferent but i don’t :( and it’s silly and self indulgent but i do want somebody to feel bad for me. i don’t want advice, i don’t want encouragement or positive thinking, i don’t want motivation. i just want someone to take seriously the conclusions i’ve come to even though they may sound ridiculous - i understand they do! trust me i do! they are so ridiculous i don’t fully believe them even though i need to! - and i want someone to take seriously at least how depressed it makes me and i do want them to say and express. poor you. i don’t have a lot that makes me sympathetic or unique, but it hurts enough that i just need a little pity…..and it’s so rude of me to… when people are being nice to me and trying to ensure like, no these conclusions aren’t true! life is long! the future is open! if you want these things you’ll get them. because it’s nice and i feel, genuine. i used to be optimistic like that. and i’m not someone who really suffers, but plenty of people suffered their whole lives and died. plenty of people have been lonely their whole lives and then they just died. plenty of people have been depressed their whole lives and then they just died. and from my vantage point what i can realistically hope for is that my end is sooner rather than later. but this is a depressing thing to say and something no one wants to hear. and certainly no one will be like, i agree and i hope your life is short and your end near. and i’m not saying i want someone to tell me this. but i don’t want to hear about how these things will come and how it’s just a matter of time or if i want something i can have it or how it’s okay to be down sometimes. i don’t believe you. and it’s not a comfort. and i feel bad that it isn’t. but i’ve been delusional and i don’t like it. i don’t like chasing after delusions. i don’t like being hurt. and i know that’s life and blah blah blah but i do feel it should not all be this hard. it’s just not worth it. i feel, narcissistically, that on some level my decision to let go of delusional optimism and try and accept my fate is kind of noble. lol. at the very least it’s very difficult. and some, encouragement is not the word but like. literally just some pity would go so far. like yes. poor me. but i’m coping with it. but that’s too much to ask!

#i hate the idea that life is what you make it and your life is up to you blah fucking whatever #like on a political level i think its shallow #but on a personal level i don’t think it’s fair #life is not fair sometimes for no reason #some animals get lost from the pack and then die of exposure. or whatever #it can all be so very random #i’m sure you could say i haven’t tried enough #but when trying is painful it hurts to keep doing that #you can only take so much rejection…..you can only be disliked by so many people in so many subtle and overt ways before it gets to be #too much #and its easy to see someone unhappy and be like. well they’ve chosen this #and like no well the circumstances chose me idk #i don’t like being unhappy more than anyone else #i’ve been depressed for like two years or something like. i don’t like that at all #i would rather be happy and social #and feel loved and understood #i would rather feel normal #i would rather feel like i belong #but i don’t #and that’s not my fault #and some pity would be nice!#i should have put this in my notes app or something or maybe i need a journal but #this is my blog so everyone will have to witness my breakdown

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deityofhearts · 6 months

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I just want attention but I want for people to actually want to give me attention without me having to all but beg for it (and even then I end up begging for attention, that’s what this post is)

#deity dialogue #I can’t exist without some form of attention and if I’m not receiving attention and interaction then everything just seems pointless you #know? I don’t expect constant attention from any one person that’s absurd and not like someone’s job #I just hate the feeling of loneliness and being unwanted or a burden #I know there are people who do like me and my presence and like hearing from me and i and very very grateful to you all #so hi hi if you see this post I love and appreciate you #I’m not making this post to diminish the affection and attention I receive from others #I guess just to voice that I’m constantly hungry for attention like some sort of attention vampire #blah blah I could pinpoint why exactly I’m like this but it would do no good #just like the feeling of not getting enough attention or feeling like I’m unwanted when o do recieve attention or try my best to get peoples #attention #I’m just tired of being this way but it hasn’t changed yet I try so hard to not be bothered and to not care and to not keep craving #attention or like going out of my way to get peoples attention and yet #anyways sorry for my depressing late thoughts I should go to sleep but once again I cannot #I did however make myself cry because my own thoughts (again)#I’m gonna go check on my forehead and then like idk #resume reading the stupid vampire webcomic or like make myself try and sleep #I need more sleep medicine but I don’t have the money to spare for that lmao #any money I have rn is in savings for my impending phone bill #i can just sleep during the day. also like a vampire

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asexualjedi · 1 year

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As a kid I wanted to like be like the doctor like play them on tv but then I was likely they’ll never hire me I’m American and then I was like ok best I can get is companion but I need to like figure out how to break into acting I’m only gonna get older I’m running out of time. I need to get enough credits to ever be able to audition. Anyways long story short sometimes I’ll see the doctor or the companions and my brain just awaken that demon and is like ok we’ll time to drop out of law school change my life completely in need to hurry up and speed run if I’m not gonna run out of time.

#idk if I’m explaining it right bc I’m half wake but truly funny that’s ingrained in me just like I know how old I was at every grade bc in #elementary full I mapped it out bc I wanted to know how long I was trapped what year I would get out and how old I would be and that’s just #entranced in me no math no thinking #can’t think in any other way about it #but yeah something something autism something something my chronic depression anxiety #making me feel like very choose I made choosing to look at only the roads that are now closed and what could have been even if thetr easnt t #much of a chance for the other road or like why I decided what #anyways when I had idea for this post I meant to bring it up bc #I did acting right #but it was just small school stuff and trying out for like local theate companies and stuff #and like i didn’t go to far into it bc I had real really bad paranoia #like it’s better now #like it doesn’t mess with my life like it did or whatver BUT like I hated being on camera and people seeing me hearing me prociecing me.#like during the acting whatver but afterwards. like I’m better now I’m a private person don’t like to over share face on whatever online but #that’s also just internet safety right #anyways so I think it’s funny like yeqh person who hates to be prveeved and doesn’t want anyone to know there name or face go run quick and #become a television actor aim for a very ijnthe spotlight roll nothing bad can come from this ajdjdjd #feel like I lost the plot/whatver joke I originally had but I’m tired and have been doing property for like most of my waking hours the #past 2 days so if it’s not a hour like future interests in real estate my Brian’s scrambled

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void-tiger · 1 year

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[updates pfp to something Slightly more recent ish]

[gets around 20 likes and two comments from family, old classmates, and old teachers]

[sees a random post. reads its comments]

[instantly remembers why I don’t use that site aside from it collecting and selling my data and heavily doctoring what posts and from who and when I’m “allowed” to see.]

[closes app.]

[tries to breathe out the urge to smash something against the wall. breathes in. breathes out.]

#tiger’s roar #god I hate facebook #and I’m sick of the barrage of hate introverts dish out against Not Introverts #’iF yOU wANNA bE aROUND sOMEoNE a LoT i dON’T tRUSt yOU.’#aight. fuck you too ig #[closes post. closes past]#[deals with RSD and anxiety/depression that Instantly got triggered by FB and That Post Too]#anyway. fuck the ‘extroverts do the adopting and should dish out 90% of effort esp if women but also we hate extroverts’ TM #i really really despise how women and extroverts (fuck me for being both) are demanded to carry all the emotional labor #while Also getting Slammed or Snubbed as ‘too forward’ when I try #and seeing that? yeah. that makes me question if the friendship I had with that FB friend when we were teens was even real at all #fuck me for needing communication and connection ‘more than’ the actually introverts~#why do I Present as quiet or shy IRL? this. this is why.#anyone who really KNOWS me KNOWS that’s my anxiety vs personality or preferense but like. wdyd.

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goldfyshie927 · 2 years

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#I don’t even care if this gets me hate #this is my blog so stay off it if you don’t want to see me talk about myself #at this point I’m so traumatized about writing that I get the start of a panic attack #if I even *think* about writing #even finishing my korrasami story feels impossible #I’m sorry to anyone following it #I just don’t know what to do #the thing I love most in the world is gone #taken from me by assholes #and everyone is like don’t let them win #I’m sorry I was getting rape and death threats for months #and at some point I have to wonder is it even worth it #so I’m back to mindlessly sitting around playing video games #and ignoring my wips #and ignoring books because they almost make me more depressed #no one cares Cassidy lol #sorry #ignore me #delete this #personal post

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transpuppyprince · 2 years

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#TW FOR DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS DYSPHORIA SELF HARM ANXIETY #i’m doing. really bad right now. well not /really/ bad i guess #but really bad in comparison to how i’ve been doing for a while.#my dysphoria is out the roof and im feeling dysphoric about things that never bothered me before (like lack of facial hair)#but i know that if i take T without finasteride then my chances of hair loss are really fucking high based on both sides of my family #and i can’t handle that #but that means no facial hair for me.#and i got that feeling bc i saw a guy yesterday with curvy hips/ass and nicely shaped but he was still very masculine looking #bc he was strong and had a nice beard and “masc” tattoos #and then on top of dysphoria today my housemate came home a week earlier than what he told me so i wasn’t prepared to see another person #and i hate how uncomfortable i am being around other people but i just. am.#plus my job has cut my hours and i don’t even know if i’m gonna be able to afford bills and i have no savings bc i get paid crumbs #so now i’m worried i’m gonna have to get another job and i really don’t want one bc change terrifies me plus i’ll lose my health insurance #and everything feels out of my control and i’m just not okay and about half an hour ago i picked up my box cutter and got very #close to self harming for the first time in a couple of years and then had a breakdown (didn’t cut at least?) and now i’m here #just screaming into the void in an attempt to deal with it #anyways if you read this far i’m sorry. and also i love you /pl

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lilgynt · 2 years

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i really do need to stop thinking about this fight but i’m legitimately gonna blow my brains out about it

#personal #like i just keep doing the same loots on the train of thoughts about it #and like as a kid i always has moments after fights were i was like #i’m never talking to him again and then he’s gonna realize how awful he is #and then like next day i’m talking to him bc my big brother is my favorite person ever #but like. i keep imagining scenarios where i can correctly explain myself and he’s listening #but i lose all the anger and fight like a sentence in #i just can’t do it #it’s not gonna change and he can’t hear me and i just can’t do it #and that makes me so fucking depressed im just fighting back tears rn #and i want to be fair to him i really do #and i’m always gonna be more biased to myself bc. well. you know #but god he’s done awful things to me #he ruined the word fag he outted me he’s said genuinely nasty and cruel things i’ve never said to him #not that i haven’t been awful back #god im getting tired explaining even this #and then i just keep thinking about how much he must hate me and that hurts worse bc i love him and i know i’m not a positive force in his #life im just like an annoying hurdle you enjoy sometimes but more out of familarity than anything else #and everyone in my family vastly prefers him and i don’t blame them!!!#i remember being a kid and seeing him get some kind of reading reward #and i was so. upset with myself bc i wasn’t like him. and i was jealous #but mostly i remember clapping super loud and thinking about how happy and proud of and for him i was #i just want him to stop treating me like i’m dumb and he says he doesn’t but he does #all the time #and i want him to stop trying to fix my problems all the time #and i feel awful that i was his responsibility unfairly for so long and im actively trying to get away from that role from him #i’m trying i’m trying and i’m trying but god above #i’m just so tired and so upset #and i’m starting to think i just cause issues on purpose #like i’m subconsciously bored bc this can’t just happening all the time to woe is me like i know i’m not but i have to be at this point

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always-a-slut-4-ghouls · 11 months

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There are really people out there who have never been around some asshole straight guy who talked about killing cats that weren’t yours or threatened to kill your own. Like, seriously? You’ve never had to fight to keep your ass from trying to fight a guy over that, IN PERSON?!

#emma posts #some dog people are insane and they are usually men in my experience #a couple of guys used to bully me in middle school by threatening to kill my cat #something that wasn’t likely considering that I live on a farm miles out of town #but they really went to the depressed mentally unstable kid and threatened their emotional support animal #they moved before highschool but I spent every. single. day. waiting for a chance #any chance to physically fight them without getting into too much trouble with the teacher #but they never made it physical and all the teachers did was keep talking to them about it #I had a guy tell me he froze his sister’s kitten to death in sixth grade #I’ve had to stop myself from trying to fight grown men who said they would shoot their neighbors cats (neighbors who were MY FRIENDS)#not because I would loose (I probably would but who cares)#nooo. it was because the guy was my mom’s friends husband #although my mom did let me leave the party #I’ve had random guys online make comments under pictures of my cats and other cats #every cat person I know and have encountered were like ‘I don’t mind dogs. i just prefer cats’#or ‘I don’t really like dogs but as long as I don’t have to live with one I don’t really care. I would get annoyed if I did’#but never ‘I hate dogs so much I kill the ones I see outside’#I don’t remember ever hearing that from a woman (the threats against cats) but I’m sure there must be one lady out there #but I encountered someone who thought me and some other people were weird for getting frustrated about guys like that. they acted like #no one like that existed #do they live under a rock? do they never talk to straight dog guys?#have they ever had a relative that they were suspicious that they thought like theat #that but that relative didn’t say shit to their face #on that note I think that relative is a bit more normal about cats now that he’s been around and seen my own #and my brothers. but I’m still suspicious that he thought like that when I was a kid #he just didn’t say shit at holidays because my autistic ass would have had a meltdown #I have met and encountered MANY men and boys who say that kinda shit. sometimes TO MY FACE #and someone just thought that they didn’t exist?#could I have switched with them when I was being bullied and having my support animal threatened?#tw animal death

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the-name-is-loser · 1 year

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Bruh I’m so mad Nari liked Seungha so much and this DUDE.

#loser’s liddol rambles #I know I know I read all that’s uploaded to webtoon so far #I know his situation was not Great. and that he thought he had to do this #but ALSO #NARI IS A PERSON WITH FEELINGS YOU DICK. DONT THINK UOU CAN JUST THROW HER AWAY AND THEN ACT LIKE A SAD PUPPY TO GET HER BACK???? FUCK YOU #THIS IS A SEUNGHA HATE ZONE 👹👹👹👺👺👺👺👺👺👺#I genuinely hope they never get back together #to be honest both love interests…. aren’t great for either Nari or themselves #Seungha has that entire……. thing……. going on in his family #but the other guy. I forgor his name. I’m pretty sure he’s depressed but his liking of Nari is described as something that makes every day #worth it and #that would turn so bad so fast I can see it now #hope that guy turns out good tho❤️ fuck Seungha specifically ❤️❤️

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strangersmunsons · 3 months

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Eddie, My Love! eddie munson x reader // valentine's day special series Day 2 Prompt: Chocolates 🍫 ~ 2,000 words Eddie's grumpy until he sees a familiar face in the candy aisle.

“This is a fake holiday,” mumbles Eddie as he pushes the cart past the pink and red aisle of Bradley’s Big Buy.

His uncle chuckles. “When you have someone to spend it with, you’ll feel differently.”

“Wayne,” Eddie deadpans, “this is just some bullshit that Hallmark made up so they could take more of our money.”

“I’m not sayin’ you need to go all commercial,” Wayne clarifies. “I just mean that when there’s someone special in your life, boy, you might be in a better mood during this month.”

Eddie’s mouth sets bitterly. He’d rather not get the ‘you’ll find someone someday’ talk right now — the last thing he needs is another reminder of how lonely he is.

Wayne senses his nephew’s reluctance to discuss the matter, and so bites his tongue. Instead, he points at a row of cans on the shelf beside them. “Do you need more tomato soup, or are you set for a while?”

Back at home, Eddie lays on the floor of his bedroom, staring at the ceiling. Yeah, okay, maybe Wayne had a point. Maybe he’d hate all this stupid cutesy shit less if he didn’t have to watch everyone around him enjoy it while he spent yet another Valentine’s Day alone in his uncle’s trailer, with no one to keep him company, save for a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

The worst part of it is — and Eddie would rather die than admit this — that deep down, he thinks he really could be…romantic.

Sure, he’s rough around the edges. He tends to be prickly, wary of others’ intentions, but it’s necessary in order for him to survive in Hawkins. The Munson name was already notorious, and his reputation preceded him; the incident with poor Chrissy Cunningham three years prior, despite his innocence, had sealed his fate as the town pariah.

But if someone could just give him a chance, a real chance, he thinks that he could make that person really happy.

He’d help around the house. Cleaning, laundry, anything you — whoever you are — needed a hand with. He’d learn to cook better so he could keep you eatin’ good. He’d plan fun dates. He’d play your favorite songs on guitar, maybe write you new ones, if he was feeling inspired…anytime you needed him, he’d be there. He’d be the most reliable, affectionate, loving —

“Ed?” There’s a light knock on his door.

“Come in,” he calls back.

Wayne pokes his head into the room. “I’ve got to head to the plant in a few,” he says. “While I’m gone, can you do me a favor?”

Eddie sits halfway up, propped on his elbows. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Wayne fidgets, looking apologetic. “I know we were just there, but d’you mind going back to the Big Buy to pick up some candy? It’s Mrs. Johnson’s first Valentine’s Day since her husband passed, and I meant to get her something sweet, but I forgot.”

Eddie hauls himself up off the floor. “No problem. Want anything specific?”

Wayne shakes his head. “Don’t need nothin’ fancy, just get whatever’s cheapest that still looks nice.”

“That’s the Munson way,” Eddie muses, smiling in spite of himself.

Eddie reluctantly makes a turn down the seasonal aisle he had so pointedly avoided earlier, feeling depressed. Cherubs and teddy bears seem to mock him from where they sit, and he heaves a dramatic sigh.

His eyes roam the line of cards, plush toys, endless boxes of chocolates and candies, when they finally land on you, also perusing the rows of heart-shaped packages.

Recognition flickers instantly. Eddie suddenly finds that his heart is beating very quickly in his chest.

You.

You had still been a year behind him when he finally graduated, and though he didn’t really know you-know you, he was friends with people who did. You weren’t bullied like he and the guys were, but you weren’t exactly popular, either — and so more often than not, you ran in similar circles. Gareth and Harry used to swear up and down that you were the nicest girl in Hawkins.

Because of them, he had spent brief moments with you from time to time. He thought you had been very pretty, in your own unique way, but you were also rather shy. Your exchanges were always polite and charming, even if they never broke deeper than surface-level; overall, he’d found you incredibly endearing.

He never kept in touch, but as the years went by, he had often wondered about you.

Back then, it was hard to see past his own preoccupations: he was so focused on not failing his classes, Corroded Coffin, Hellfire, his dealing gig with Rick. But in retrospect, it always seemed to him like he had missed out on something special in not taking the time to properly befriend you.

Now, against all odds, you’re right here in front of him. And he had found you attractive back then, but now? Holy shit. You’re striking to look at.

As he studies your side profile, he thinks, it’s not that your appearance has really changed much, but rather the way you seem to be holding yourself.

You used to walk quickly through the hallways with your shoulders hunched and your head down, like you were trying to make yourself as small as possible. But now your posture is relaxed, your stance casual; your head is held high and a slight smile turns up the corners of your lips. And your clothes seem different too, like maybe you’d finally found your personal style, and were dressing in the way that you truly liked.

Is this what they call kismet? Fate, destiny, whatever, maybe Eddie’s fantasy-oriented brain was jumping to conclusions, but he thinks of the floor-misery he’d been wallowing in not even an hour ago — had his internal bitching been an unintentional prayer, which was now being answered?

He takes a few cautious steps forward, trying to act natural.

You glance at him when he comes nearer and offer him a quick smile before turning back to the sweet assortment before you.

Eddie stands next to you awkwardly, pretending to browse, hoping to see you make some gesture of familiarity, any confirmation that you might remember him as well as he remembers you.

But nothing. The seconds tick by.

You reach for a box of chocolates and Eddie’s overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom. He starts sweating. Any second now, you would pluck a shiny, ribbon-adorned package and twirl away from him, vanishing into thin air, and the moment would be gone. His opportunity would be over, and he’d never, ever see you again.

“I’m so sorry,” he blurts out. His face turns crimson, but he blunders on anyway. “I don’t wanna bother you, but did you graduate from Hawkins High in ‘87?”

You turn to him, eyebrows raised in surprise, one arm still outstretched. A breathy laugh escapes you. “Yeah, I did.” You give him the tiniest wave. “Hi, Eddie.”

He could almost cry in relief. You do remember him.

“Hi.” He returns your wave, dopey grin unfurling on his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you just now. I didn’t think you would remember me,” you explain apologetically.

Forget you? Absurd. “Of course I remember you. How’ve you been?”

Your voice is bright, cheerful. “I’ve been good! Busy with school.”

College, of course. You had definitely been an honor roll kid. “If you’re in school, then you don’t still live in town, do you?”

“Nah, my university’s too far. I got a place near campus, but I come home every now and then.” You smile, and motion towards yourself. “Obviously.”

“Oh. Nice.” Eddie twiddles his thumbs nervously. “Are your classes going good?”

“For the most part. They’re stressful sometimes, but that’s to be expected, I guess.”

“Yeah, but you’re super smart. I’m sure you’re killin’ it up there.”

“I’m trying my best,” you reply with a modest shrug. “What about you? What have you been up to lately?” You look at him with genuine interest, like you’re truly eager to hear about how he’s doing.

Oh, what to say. He opts for simplicity. “Bartending. At the moment I’m between The Hideout and The Attic. Although, I’m thinkin’ about trying to get a job at the garage instead.”

“You should!” Your voice is sincere, full of warmth. “I bet you’d be great there — I know you did a lot of work on your van.”

A bolt of pleasure runs through him. You didn’t just remember his name and face, but you recalled some minor details about him as well. He stands a little taller. “Thank you. We’ll see if it works out, I suppose.”

There’s a brief pause. Eddie moistens his chapped lips with his tongue. “Listen…”

Do it, you coward. If she says no, she says no, and you’ll get over it. Eventually.

“Um, if you’re ever home for the weekend, would you maybe wanna hang out? Grab a coffee or something?”

You look taken aback, but not displeased. Eddie counts that as a win.

“Sure. That would be really fun.”

He flashes you a grin. “Sick.” Then it occurs to him: you came home for Valentine’s Day weekend. Surely you’re in Hawkins because you have a date lined up with some former classmate who swooped in and asked you out after he had gone, and that’s who you were buying candy for and —

“I’m assuming you’re busy this weekend, though?” You point at the treats in front of you. “‘Cause I see you’re here to pick up the goods,” you tease him cheerfully.

“Oh, n-not really,” he stammers. “Wayne asked me to pick up something for our neighbor. I’m just an errand boy.” He swallows. “Do you have any big plans?”

“Nope,” you reply casually, lips popping the p-sound. You pull the candy you’d be aiming for before he interrupted, a pack of Hershey’s cream-filled chocolate hearts. You nod at him sagely. “I am my own Valentine this year.”

You don’t need to be. I’ll volunteer.

Eddie musters up all his courage, rocking slightly on his feet. “Actually, if you don’t have plans…like, if you’re not seeing anybody…would you wanna go out on a date with me tomorrow?” Nerves get the better of him and he starts pouring out word-vomit, totally oblivious to the way your expression is getting softer and softer the longer he rambles. “I get that it’s Valentine’s Day, I don’t know if you think that’s really…weird for a first date, or…if you even wanna go on a date with me at all, which if you don’t, that’s totally fine and I understand —”

“I don’t think that would be weird at all,” you cut in, giving him a smile that could melt an iceberg. “Eddie, I would love to go on a date with you.”

He feels like he’s having a fever dream. This can’t be real. Is this what manifesting is?

From now on, when he wants something, he’s gonna go cry on his bedroom floor about it.

Painfully aware of how clumsy his proposition came out, Eddie tries to put at least one suave move on you. “Well, if we really have a date tomorrow,” he says, swiping the Hershey’s from you, “then there’s no reason for you to be buyin’ your own chocolates. Allow me.”

Ten minutes later, both of you armed with candies and a phone number apiece, Eddie escorts you across the icy parking lot to your car. You grip his arm tightly crossing over a slippery patch of asphalt, and his stomach flutters in a way it hasn’t in years.

Okay, okay.

Maybe there is something to be said for this stupid, fake holiday.

thank you for reading!! xoxo Valentine's Day Special Masterlist

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson reader insert #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader

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doki-doki-imagines · 5 months

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author note: fic written a long time ago, but that is really fitting now. Hope you'll enjoy reading it!💫

“Michael is inside the locker room, you should see him.” Noa’s voice is firm, as always, even after such a big defeat, for him, it’s just like finishing a chapter, ready to start the new one, not many afterthoughts to ruin his next steps.

Michael Kaiser, your boyfriend can’t deal with defeat as well.

You enter the empty room, only your boyfriend is in, sitting in his sweat-drenched uniform, a towel covering his face.

You take uneasy steps toward his figure, he doesn’t even look up, too absorbed in his own world.

“Michael, I’m here, can you look at me?” You sit next to him, the bench creaks under your weight, you pinch the corner of the towel trying to lift it up, to finally see Michael’s face.

Your hand gets slapped away.

“Don’t even try it.” Some time ago this crude and cold voice would have swollen your eyes with tears, you would have been able to hear just the crippling hate in his voice.

Now you can hear the sad undertone and how the hate isn’t for you, but only for himself.

“What do you want to look at-“ he stands up abruptly, the bench recoil, the towel falls on the ground “At this failure! At this poor excuse of a player, walking trash-“ Michael can’t finish his phrase, broken sobs interrupt.

His blue eyes are bloodshot, the red of his makeup staining his face, sticky with dried tears. Michael is trembling, you don’t know if for sadness or anger, he is hitting his chest with his left fist, while the right hand is pinching his neck, the skin is broken, some drop of blood on his roses tattoo.

“Michael stop-“ You try to walk near your boyfriend, but he pushes you away and crouch on himself hands now covering his face

“No! You can’t understand, you don’t want to understand! This is all my life, I’m nothing- I shouldn’t even live if-“

“Michael!” You shout, finally stepping closer “Don’t you dare finish that phrase.”

It wasn’t the first time Michael got depressed after a match, but this is a peak he never reached before and it indescribably broke your heart.

He finally looks up, new tears forming in his deep blue eyes, you gently hold his cheeks with your hands, and lift his face up so you could look at him straight in the eyes.

“Your value as a person doesn’t depend on a match, no wait let me reformulate. Your value doesn’t depend on football. And don’t you dare-“ This time you are the one letting out a sigh “to say that you shouldn’t live anymore, because I can’t imagine a life without you.”

You kiss his forehead just before hugging him tight against your body, your right hand caressing his head.

Michael doesn’t reply back, he just keeps sobbing and crying on your shoulder.

“Please Michael stop crying, but I promise, losing this match won’t be your end, there will be a ton of other occasions, please Michael believe me.” You coo at him.

“O-Ok” His body still trembles under you.

“Can you look at me when you say that?” You say softly before kissing the top of his head.

He lift up from your shoulder and nod, a wobbly smile appearing on his face, his breath still being broken by sobs.

You smooch his forehead again, this time the contact last longer and he closes his eyes in relaxation, finally the sobs and sighs are slowing down and he is regaining control of his body.

“Can I kiss you even if I look like a mess?”

A small laugh escapes your lips but you nod.

“I find you handsome-“ “you look like a wet kitty, love it.” You wanted to say, but his mouth catch yours before you can finish.

His chapped lips find yours. It’s a slow dance, made of broken breaths bound by a strong love. Your right hand drying away those fresh tears, your thumb moving slow circles on his sticky cheeks, the left one finds peace in the back of his neck, scratching his little hair knowing full well he loves it.

He is way more restless, the right hand that was holding your arm to keep you as close as possible to his body find soon his way to your waist, fingers moving up and down pressing and releasing your waist like a piano key hoping to generate a new sound at every broken breath. His left one is kept firmly in the back of your head, pushing your face impossibly close to his, nose bumping, eyelashes caressing each other faces.

It’s when you feel the familiar feeling of something wet in your mouth that your mind return to reality.

“Michael, ehi-“ You put both your hands on his chest gently pushing on his pecs “I think you should take a shower.”

He looks at you with his wide blue eyes and tilts his head clearly looking at you like you just said the dumbest thing on Earth.

“Are you saying I stink?”

This time it isn’t small laughter that leaves your lips, but one of those that shakes your entire body and that makes Michael look at you with even wider eyes.

“Yes a little, but that wasn’t my main point. I think you need to take a hot shower, relax and come home with me and watch a film that neither of us is gonna finish because we’ll both fall asleep the second I press play.”

The blonde seems to think about it a little before nodding, walking towards the locker room’s showers stripping at every step for the joy of your eyes, till he disappears around the corner the sound of running water filling the room.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna join me?” Just his head pop out from behind the wall, water already dripping down his face and hair, a particular droplet following the line of his veins down his neck, skin shiny and inviting-

“Go finish your shower, there will be better times.” You see his head bending down, probably preparing his better kitty eyes to convince you “At home we’ll have all the time of this world for example.”

Michael never finished a shower so fast.

#bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk imagines #blue lock imagines #michael keaton #michael kaiser x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #bllk x y/n

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maybankswhore · 9 months

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𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑.

summary: rafe overhears you talking to sarah about your feelings and wants to take care of you.

warnings: mentions of depression and anxiety , rafe eavesdropping , little bit of swearing

You sighed at Sarah’s hand rubbing your back comfortingly as your face hid itself in your hands to hide your puffy eyes and red cheeks. You looked like a mess— and you felt how you looked. Everything just seemed so overwhelming , and there was such much pressure on you from your family. There were so many feelings that you kept inside because you hadn’t wanted to feel like a burden.

“I’m just so tired all the time.” You ranted to Sarah , wiping underneath your eyes with the back of your hand. “I’m always so tired and so , so sad. Nothing seems to make it go away. I always feel this. . . this impending doom over me like something bad’s gonna happen. Like I’m going to fail and disappoint everyone.”

Sarah frowned. She definitely related that feeling and tried her best to figure out the right way to help you. Frowning , you pushed some hair away from your face. “Have you tried talking to Rafe?” Her face twisted up at the mention of her brother , but making sure to quickly wipe it away. Despite her own personal feelings towards him , Sarah knew that Rafe was good to you. The relationship he had with you was probably his only saving grace.

You shook your head at her. “No because Rafe’s not. . .” you struggled to find the right words. “Rafe shouldn’t have to deal with me like this. He already has so much on his own plate that a sad , depressing girlfriend should be the least of his worries. And I know he doesn’t like to see me cry because he feels too bad if he can’t make it stop.” You didn’t resent Rafe for not being the best person to talk to. You knew why he struggled with it and your stress shouldn’t fall onto his shoulders. You’d feel guilty adding on to everything else Rafe dealt with.

“Look I’m not the biggest fan of my brother,” Sarah muttered under her breath. “But I know that he cares about you , Y/N and he would want to be there for you. He’s your boyfriend—” she emphasized. “It’s kinda what he signed up for.”

As you cried , Rafe loomed around Sarah’s door. He didn’t want to eavesdrop , but he couldn’t stop himself from being concerned when he noticed your sniffles floating from the small crack in the door. Rafe wasn’t one to pry too much , too afraid it’d push you away. He felt his chest grow heavy as he listened to you vent to Sarah , hating you felt that way. He wanted to take every negative and sad thing in your brain and pluck it away. Store somewhere impossible to find and never feel again.

Pursing his lips , Rafe sighed as he knocked on the door softly to signal that someone was there. He lightly peaked around it , focusing on you. “Hey , baby. I’m home.” He smiled at you gently , feeling determined to try and be what you needed. Rafe wasn’t good at feelings but he would do anything for you and try again until he did it right.

You plastered on a fake smile when you saw him. Your heart warmed up just a little bit more at your boyfriend , feeling antsy to be in his arms. You mumbled a quick ‘thanks , sar’ before tapping her shoulder to walk out.

She gave you a smile in return , hoping that things would get better for you soon.

Rafe’s arm immediately snaked around your waist and pulled you to him and leading you down the hall. You tried your best to act normal , hoping that it was dark enough to conceal the mess you were sure painted across your face.

He waited until the door of his room closed before speaking. “You were crying.” Rafe’s thumb swiped underneath your cheekbone , a frown on his face.

“I know.” You whispered back. You grabbed his hand and kept it on your cheek , eyes fluttering closed at his touch. “’m was just sad for minute.”

“Sweet baby.” Rafe sighed , being gentle with his touch and words. His eyelashes fluttered against the apples of your cheeks when he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your face. “What’s wrong?”

As if his words were a trigger , tears started falling down your face. You threw your arms around his neck and just cried , shamelessly. You weren’t thinking of sounding stupid or crying in an ugly way. You weren’t embarrassed and you weren’t feeling guilty. You just cried. It felt good to finally feel it and not try and disguise it with other things. It felt good to feel Rafe’s arms tighten around you , the coos of him healing something deeply rooted in your soul.

You just wanted to feel comforted , and loved.

Rafe held you tightly as you did so , rocking you back and forth. The two of you stood there in the middle of the room with the only sound being the way you sobbed loudly in the crook of his neck. You didn’t even know what words could explain how you felt , so you didn’t even bother trying.

“My sweet girl,” Rafe mumbled into your hair. “Lay down with me.”

He easily slid the two of you backwards , quickly kicking off his shoes to get onto the bed. He left the covers tucked , his work clothes on— something he’d never allow any other time. All Rafe cared about was holding you so you didn’t feel so alone.

You let him move you towards the bed. He laid down flat while gripping at your hips , pulling you to straddle him. A sigh of contentment left your lips as you laid down , chest to chest , with your cheek against his cheek. It was so close that you felt the warmth of his breath on the side of your neck , sending shivers down your spine with each exhale. It was suffocatingly close— and just what you needed.

His hands rubbed your back as you calmed down , laying there next to him. The sound of his breathing was like a lullaby , shushing your nerves to sleep as you listened to it carefully. Your breathing pattern began to mimic his and you almost mistaked Rafe Cameron as some sort of drug you were warned about at school assembly’s.

“Thank you.” You breathed , after what seemed like hours of just laying there compared to the minutes it actually was. “I’ve just felt so overwhelmed lately. And everything’s making me sad. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me.” Rafe stopped you , craning his neck down to look at you. He stared into your ears with scrunched brows , a finger to your chin. “Don’t ever apologize to me for that.”

“Okay.” You mumbled back. You grabbed his hand to kiss his thumb.

“It’s what I signed up for.” Rafe breezed it in , hoping you wouldn’t be mad at him. The air becoming light hearted when you rolled your eyes playfully and smacked his chest.

“You’re such a jerk!”

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