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timothy-chamlet · 4 years

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the afterparty - t.c. fanfic

pair: timmy x female reader

warnings: unprotected sex, general smut

word count: 2.6k (2640)

a//n: ok er ive never written for timmy before so im nervous snsvsj but if you read it tell me what u think !! <3

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people often thought the two of you were dating. paparazzi tended to make it look that way through press. despite all the candid photos of you and timothée plastered in magazine spreads and floating around on blogs, he would tell people you weren't together. interviewers would ask, and time again he would put an end to the rumor by saying you weren't dating, you were just friends.

to be fair, you honestly couldn't even be mad at him. it was a good marketing tactic, at least. if all the girls knew he was single they'd still be invested in the persona of a young, attractive starlet that - despite his more than desirable qualities - is still single. genius. meanwhile you were being his best friend and his trophy for award shows.

it was growing on you though. you enjoyed walking red carpet events and going to extravagant parties and meeting big names in the industry. it was really a win-win for both of you.

another one of those win-win situations was tonight. the past three days had been crazy. hair appointments, nail appointments, dress fittings, photoshoots, brunches, and dinners. running each new day on an hour of sleep - maybe two if you were lucky. fueled by energy drinks and the promise of rest after the event. showing up to an awards ceremony on nothing more than a 20 minute nap and a double shot espresso. being timothée's showpiece was exhausting. but it was good for you.

you had just finished your last consultation for dress fittings and were on your way to your styling appointment. the dress would arrive shortly after you so everything was ready to go. things were set for timothée to meet you there in an hour or so, after his own styling.

currently you're getting your makeup done. a swarm of professionals all around you, handing products, giving directions, telling you how gorgeous you look, at least three hands on you at all times. after almost an hour all the disembodied hands move from your face to reveal the *almost* finished product. you still need your hair done, but your face was flawless. your skin was insanely smooth; not a pore in sight, your lids were a bronze shade, and your lips were a perfect nude.

a hair stylist soon steps into view, also admiring your makeup before diving into your hair. it was simple. a slicked back ponytail is all, careful not to draw away from your face and your dress.

the strong aroma of hairspray clouds you as you maneuver to step into your dress. stripped of your previous clothes, you step into your dress and a couple people help you pull it up. the woman attending to the supper in the back steps away for a moment, seeming to answer a question.

"what's his name?" she asks into her ear piece. "uh yes. she's in here with me. send him in."

she returns behind you and does up the zipper to your dress. to your surprise, you see timothée waltz in the room. dressed in a charcoal gray suit with a light lavender button up underneath. "y/n," he exhales, walking towards you. "you look breathtaking, ma chérie."

"you don't look too bad yourself, timmy," you say, stepping down from your pedestal to be almost eye level with him.

"is she done here?" he asks everyone around without taking his eyes off you.

one of the women there swoops in with a pair of shoes and says, "slip in to these and you're ready to go, darling."

you step into your shoes and link arms with timothée. "carriage awaits," he says as the two of you get escorted to the limo.

once inside you let out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding. "you okay?" he asks from beside you.

"yeah, just.. tired."

he chuckles and drops his head. "absolutely exhausted." you two had similarly scheduled days so he knows exactly how you feel. "don't worry, mon amour, i'll have you home in about 8 hours."

"i thought the awards show was only 4-"

"there's always the afterparty.."

you audibly groan and drop your head as timothée places a reassuring hand on your knee.

"we're here," he says with fake enthusiasm as the limo pulls up to the event. the past 45 minutes felt like hours as your head began to pound from the lack of sleep. yet, lucky you, 45 minutes in l.a. traffic was a miracle.

the two of you step out into the scene. flashing lights from camera flickers, the general buzz of the crowd, people you knew trying to get your attention, people timothée knew trying to get his attention. being the kind person he is, he doesn't shy away from fans calling his name. he walks over to give high fives, say hi, sign things, and really interact with the people that are so invested in his career. you look at him with a fond smile on your face as he greets people.

"timothéeeee," you both hear and turn around to match the loud booming voice to a face.

"armieee!!" he yells in response, hurrying over to hug his co-star.

you stand idly by as the two hug and catch up. fiddling with your ponytail and the skirt of your dress. until that same voice catches your attention.

"bring it in hot stuff!"

"hey, armie! how've you been, handsome?" you two had only met a handful of times, but it's like your souls clicked instantly. he had kept in touch since the first time you met and you guys had been pretty close ever since.

"oh i’m doing great. really. just excited for this evening. can't wait to see how many awards lil' tim brings in," armie ends with a light laugh before timothée chimes in.

"oh god no-"

a cheery voice interrupts the conversation.

"helloooo," armie's wife says in a sing-song voice and joins his side. "nice to see you again, y/n. and congrats timmy on your nominations."

you and timothée nod in response and utter small, nervous 'thank you's' before armie excuses the two of them, promising to catch up later.

"well, well, well- this is it, timmy." you say from your seat next to him. the host reads the nominees for best breakthrough of the year, and timothée's name is mixed in with so many other talented actors. he nervously puts his hand over yours. "you are absolutely amazing. everyone knows that. you're gonna get it." he looks at you and you pass him a reassuring smile.

"and the award for best breakthrough goes to… timothée chalamet!"

his head shoots up in shock. cameras pan around him and his baffled expression appears on huge screens behind the stage. he slowly stands from his seat and makes his way to the stage. making a beautiful speech, thanking almost everyone he's ever known. giving gratitude to everyone he's ever worked with, his parents, and his best friends. he comes off the stage and returns to his seat beside you. a year runs down his cheek, and you move to wipe it away, but he grabs your hand away from his cheek only to press his lips to your knuckles. "thank you for always believing in me."

"you're an amazing actor and an even better friend.

the night was nearing an end. people were saying their goodbyes and their 'see-you-soon's and going their separate ways. you and timothée walk out of the event, arms linked, with his hands tightly gripping his award. the smile never leaves his face. "i can't fucking believe that, y/n."

"you did it, timmy! all you and your hard work. lemme pick a nice spot on your shelf for it yeah?"

"i was thinking about sitting it on my dresser right above the drawer full of your shit you keep leaving at my house," he says with a barely visible smirk.

"oh, well if it's such a problem," you begin "i guess I'll just have to come get my 'shit' then?" you finish sarcastically.

"oh! how dare you?" he begins to shout, going on a tirade similar to that of hamlet; overly dramatic and mostly nonsensical. "leave them be! small, small remnants; reminders of thee." he trails off softly, dropping his head to your shoulder and bringing his other hand up to trail his fingertips down the side of your face.

you can't help but chuckle at this. "bravo timothée! amazing performance."

he straightens up before taking a bow and returning to his previous position on your shoulder. "do you wanna skip the afterparty?"

"and do what, tim? i thought you were gonna catch up with armie?"

"i dunno- go to my place?"

you nod your head, and timothée let's the driver know to just go to his house.

you get out of the car in front of his apartment, quickly thank the driver, and dash inside; excited to remove the day. "can i shower?" you ask quickly already making your way upstairs.

"oui, mon trèsor, make yourself at home. ill be up in a while." it was almost as if he had it scripted. a routine more or less. you'd ask to shower - despite him telling you almost each time you never had to ask - and go up stairs to do so; him trailing along about an hour later behind you.

you finish your shower earlier than planned so you decide to lay on his bed until he comes up. you let your freshly washed body relish in the textures of the cotton t-shirt and shorts you're wearing and the damp-cool feel of the comforter on his bed.

you're not left alone for long before he darts up the stairs and into his room, catching your attention. you watch as he walks around, dropping various articles of his clothing haphazardly on his floor. left in only his boxers.

"timmy?" you ask in a drawn out voice.

"hm?" he asks lowly in response; his eyes trained on you. you don't respond to his muffled question and instead watch as he comes to lean over the foot of the bed, by your legs. "i've been thinking," he continues, "a lot recently. about us.."

"us?-"

"about what the media thinks we are. what the people say. the blog posts, the tweets. i read it all… what do you think about it, y/n?" he ends with a light sigh, making drawing light swirls on your leg.

"i dunno really. i've never thought much about it," you say sitting up.

he moves up from his place in front of the bed, crawling up to sit to the right of your legs. knees drawn up to his chest, eyes meeting yours. he raises his hand so his fingertips ghost the curve of your cheek. "you never think about.. the possibility of us?" he pauses as his eyes drift from yours. hands falling to his lap as he scoots even closer to you. you sit stunned, not knowing how to answer as if it was some rhetoric instead of a simple question. filling the silence, he continues. "i think about how different things would be if we were together. what it would be like to hold you and kiss you and- can i kiss you?"

his voice wavers as his eyes meet yours yet again. with quick movements, he moves to straddle your legs, both hands resting lightly on either side of your face.

"can i kiss you?" he asks again, his face millimeters from yours.

you shake your head yes as your eyes fluttering closed, your lips brushing against his as you move.

he plants his lips firmly on yours. innocent at first, but the kiss quickly gets deeper. more desperate, his hands moving from the sides of your face to tangle in your hair, pulling your head back giving him access to your neck. his lips dance around the skin of your neck, being careful not to leave any marks. “is this okay?” he whispers, dragging his hands from your hair to the hem of your shirt.

you nod your head vigorously and he pulls your shirt up and over your head, throwing it to the floor with his clothes. you lean back and give timothee free reign of your chest and stomach. he makes his way from your neck down and across your chest. your hands rush to knot in his hair as he takes a nipple in his mouth, carefully flicking his tongue across the hardening bud before doing the same to the other.

"timmy.." you breathe out as he leaves your chest and explores lower. his eyes meet yours as his teeth come into contact with the flimsy waistband of your sleep shorts. "please," you whisper.

he hooks his fingers into the waistband of your shorts and pulls them down your legs; eyes going wide when he sees you have nothing underneath.

"so pretty," he whispers almost to himself as he throws your shorts in his floor with the rest of your guys' clothes. he runs his finger along your slit, collecting some of your wetness, tasting it. laying back down with your legs over his shoulders, he hooks his arms around your thighs to keep you in place. he runs his tongue along your folds and you arch your back in response. he sucks on your clit making you squirm and tangle your fingers tighter in his hair, pushing against his face, eager for more.

"tim-... timmy," you beg.

timothée kisses his way back up your body. "hm?" he hums softly beside your ear only for you to utter another weak 'please' in response.

"please… please what, mon amour?"

"baise moi.." you didn't know much french. you had picked up on a few of timothée's most used phrases, but this you hadn't learned from him, so it caught him off-guard. stuck in a moment of shock. hearing you say something so dirty in french felt so strangely intimate; you didn't have to ask him twice.

he slips his boxers, finally accompanying you in nakedness, and slips into you, moaning at the feeling of you around him.

"fuck.. timmy-" you groan as he picks up his pace. he coos sweet nothings into your ear while drilling into your core.

his head drops to your chest and the soft, sweet praises slowly turn into obscenities. "merde," he groans, picking up his pace even more. holding himself at arms length above you, he throws his head back; lips parted in pure bliss.

you lift one of your hands to trail down timothée's torso. you lazily drag your fingertips across his chest and down to his stomach. the pleasure building inside you, your hand finds its way to your clit. “timmy... fuck! ple- please don’t stop. fuuuuuck!”

“défaire pour moi, y/n.” you didn’t think french could ever drive you to orgasm, but when it came from timothé anything was possible. you convulse around him as your wave of pleasure washes over you. timothée reaching his own peak soon after, pulling out and emptying on your stomach. he quickly finds something to clean you up with before plopping down on the bed beside you. many silent moments pass - nothing but heavy breaths leaving either of you - before he speaks up. “you know,” he begins in a soft whisper, “i felt bad- like i was using you. just to go to events with me. i know you don’t really like them but-”

you cut him off and turn to face him. “i might hate going to those award shows, but they’re a little less bad with you around.”

he breaks into a wide smile and pulls you closer, putting his head on your stomach. "mon amour, je t'ai toujours aimé." you reach down to play with his curls and begin to drift off on your way to sleep.

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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Kait’s Emotional Crisis and Analysis on Saeran’s After Ending

That’s right. it’s here folks! You’re here because we’ve managed to survive the waiting period that has been two-years in the making. Are we all happy that we have made it this far and survived the wait? Yes, yes, we are. You wouldn’t still be listening to me babble about how much I love Saeran Choi if you weren’t. We all know what we’re here for, so let’s get down to business.

THIS IS A VERY LONG POST. I’m not even joking this time. It’s a very long post.

Spoilers for Ray Route and Another Story!

I’ve been having to control the flappy hands when I see this photo so forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place as I talk about everything that has been on my mind. I literally had to pinch myself when I woke up to a flood of messages on the matter.

It’s him. It’s my boy. It’s my boy. It’s my boy! Mom, holy fuck! It’s my boy and he looks great. I’ve had a lot on my mind since I first saw the title screen so let’s get down to what I have to say about that. First of all, I’m in love with MC’s outfit. I’d wear that, that’s the fucking mood tonight. I’ve been frothing at the bit to be able to draw my MC wearing this outfit and I didn’t even wanna start doing something like that until they gave the official release to us.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for really frilly tops. Those pink jeans are a really nice shade of pink too. It’s not hot pink, it’s a nice bubblegum which is a good contrast to Saeran’s hair, haha! I just like seeing all the pinks around this boy and his MC, of course, has to be cloaked in those colors as well. It just makes me really happy. I love some of the other outfits that MC gets to wear in the game but oh, God, oh, Fuck. This has to be my favorite outfit that we’ve been able to wear thus far.

The little necktie? Perfect. Those sleeves? Iconic. The hand-holding? PURE AS FUCK. THE VIBES? CHECKED.

Now that I’ve covered my bases with MC, let’s go onto the Choi brothers and talk about them. I actually like that they’ve been drawing Saeran in more brown and pink outfits. It just feels very right for him.

It goes to show that his mental state is much better than it was in recent years, like, from Ray to Suit Saeran and to Unknown, we all know that they would dress in black and darker themes if they were given the chance. Ray’s outfit was given to him by Rika to wear, and Suit Saeran was the one that picked his suit out to wear. Unknown walked out of the clearance bin at Hot Topic and added those cowboy boots to enrage me. But, I digress. I’ll fight Unknown at a later date about that.

The natural and earthy tones that they’re going for here with him are very nice to see. He seems like he’s a lot comfier with himself here. He’s got a cozy little old sweater on and his posture is better than I’ve seen it in many photos. If his style is just cozy sweaters, then, well, I can vibe with that. I can see him working in the garden wearing that and I think that’s the point that they’re making with this style of his.

The loose collar is also nice. I’m used to seeing his clothes buttoned up and out of the way, making sure that he isn’t showing his body. So, seeing him play with his style and wearing something much looser against his body is a good thing as well. I think I saw someone call him a comfy grandpa in one of the posts that I’ve seen floating around. I chuckle at that mention.

Saeran doesn’t care that much about fashion, to be honest with you. He would, of course, choose something that’s minimalist and comfortable. These browns work with him very much so. I’m happy to see it! It’s in line with the style that I’ve had in mind for him after the Ending!

Can you see the way that he’s gazing at the player, though? Can we talk about the way that he’s looking at us?

The longing in that gaze... the way that it looks like he’s been getting some good sleep for once in his life because the discoloration of purple is gone! The way he has that tiny smile that only we know is a smile because he only shares that side of himself with us? His MC? God, I’m in love with you, you fucking bastard man why is your smile making me cry so much?

I could talk about his smile for hours. His expression. The longing. The way that I love you cannot be contained in words, Saeran. It’s far too strong. Just know I’m the person that can feel what’s going on his body from looking at him. He looks to be in a good place.

Anyways, onto Saeyoung.

Oh, my darling, Saeyoung. I’m used to seeing you in green palettes. It’s just a tried and true theory with your red hair and you lean heavily into being a walking Christmas palette. It’s rare to see you without your glasses, and I’m sure that a lot of people are swooning over you for that. You know you’re handsome and you will use that against those MCs that love you. I don’t have a lot to say about his outfit but I do think it’s really fitting for him.

It seems like a muted pull-over and some worn jeans, which seems in line with everything that I would style him in. He knows plenty about style himself and he knows how to make my head spin.

What is this somber look in his eyes? There’s a smile on his lips but there is this feeling to me that it doesn’t meet his eyes. Is he happy that we’re with Saeran or is he weighed by the fact that he wasn’t the one to save Saeran? Does he know what happens with Rika? Does he feel angry over that? What are we going to tell the RFA and him about this? I know that he would be happy that we saved his brother...

But the guilt in his heart is nothing to scoff off. He always blames himself for what happened to Saeran even though Rika is the one that broke his trust for good and forever. I feel like there’s something bittersweet in his eyes. Does he think that Saeran and the player are going to live happily while he’s not there?

I always intended to imagine Saeyoung living with Saeran and the player, because they can’t be separated again.

But does he feel like a weight and a third wheel? I don’t know. I’m scared to think about how he may feel like Saeran is happy now without him and he’ll try to pull away instead of adding anymore trauma onto Saeran’s life. I know that it’s not going to easy for recovery for either of them, but I want to have faith and care for the two of them.

Saeyoung, you better not self-deprecate. I’ll smooch your forehead too. I just really don’t know how I feel about that look in his eyes. It’s just matching the smile in my opinion.

I’m still screaming. I’ve been a pit of screaming for nearly three hours now and I know that I’ve still got plenty more to say today on the matter. But, I know why you’re here for real, you want me to analyze what I see in this picture and what I think will be in the AE from what we’re shown. I’ve had a few days to think it over and I’ve got my ideas.

Where are you Saeyoung? This title screen is not confirmation that Saeyoung is alive. For all we know, this photo could be more inspiration for the theme and the emotion that takes place in the After Ending.

I have to remind people that when we first played Saeyoung’s AE, it was a rouse and we were treated to a happy dream sequence that sought to talk about Saeran living with us and Saeyoung as he made a toy store. There’s a possibility that in the midst of the search for Saeyoung, we’re confronted with dreams and nightmares on Saeran’s end in regards to his brother.

It’s my biggest fear that Saeyoung isn’t alive. We don’t know if the Prime Minister took him or if an enemy took him, or if it was the agency, or a combination of all three of these options. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve considered that we won’t have the answer until the After Ending itself comes out but I’m interested to know what the answer is.

If it was Saejoong, well, I fear for Saeyoung’s health if we do find him alive. His emotional state... God, that was always his biggest fear. His and Saeran’s biggest fear that their mother always whispered. She was a monster to the two of them with her abuse but the unknown of what their father would do to them had to be even more frightening. Their mother always said that Saejoong would kill them if he caught them.

But, he could have honestly done a lot of horrible and twisted things. They could have become political pawns and a sob story that Saejoong could have sold if he wanted quite easily, and their mother could have been killed to silence that story. There was a lot of worse case scenarios. Saeyoung knows and has thought of all of them.

So the idea that he’s living his worst nightmare?

The fact that Saejoong could have killed Saeran without him being able to protect him?

The fact that he’d not be able to talk to V?

He sent a frenzied message to the chatroom for us to contact V for him. This only implies that he was trying to warn V to protect Saeran at the last minute, so it feels like it could only be Saejoong that took him. He panicked hard. He had to make sure that Saeran was protected even if he died. I think that was what he did with his message in the chatroom.

But, we all know how it turned out.

I felt like that sacrifice of panic on his part was.... it still hurts me to think about all of it.

My worst case scenario is a dream sequence and Saeyoung not... not being alive anymore. I don’t know what that would do to Saeran. He wants to make things right with his brother, he really does. The gaslighting and manipulation done by Rika is going to take some time for them to work past, and I know that he can make progress in therapy and as he challenge his intrusive thoughts as we stand by his side. He can see it through.

He is hopeful for his brother.

However, it’s going to be tested when he actually faces his brother in the game and that’s the real test. Therapy is one thing. Facing your fears is even harder than talking about them. Saeran is going to... be overwhelmed with everything and he may need to step away when push comes to shove.

I want Saeyoung to see us together holding hands and let him have that moment realization that even though Saeran went through a lot of harm while they were separated, he wasn’t alone through all of it. He never wanted Saeran to be alone in any way. If Saeran has to step away, then well, that would leave us with his brother in the process.

I can’t say how much I’d choke up if he thanked us for loving his brother. The guilt in his eyes as he cries and we reassure him. I think that’s one thing that I want the most with Saeyoung. I want him to know freedom from his chains and I want to help him too. There’s a lot that I want out of that and there’s so much of this potential that we can talk about in the AE.

There’s a lot with Saeyoung that I want to think about but so much of it makes me wanna cry.

I also fear for V and I’ve discussed many of my fears on that matter. I’ll repost my thoughts right here.

Now, in regards to what I sincerely don’t want is a repeat of what went down with V’s After Ending.

I’ve shared my feelings on that matter before and I understand that Cheritz was going for that moral high-road that many people take where they say that it’s better to forgive on your path to healing, and while that can be good for some people, it can leave a sour taste in the mouth of people who don’t pick to forgive the people that hurt them.

I don’t choose to forgive the people that hurt me in many cases. That doesn’t make me a bad person. The problem with the Forgive/Judgement ending is that it can make you feel ashamed for not forgiving someone who quite literally, took funds from the RFA’s first two parties (that’s the only way she could’ve gotten the money to fund Mint Eye, even coercion and manipulation of people on the level that Rika does wouldn’t give her that much ability), manipulated and gas-lit Ray and Saeran for years, deceived and drugged countless people, so on and so forth.

I hate that she’s never punished for her actions. She needs to be rightfully punished for what she did. I want her to get therapy, and I want her to learn that she was wrong for what she did to everyone. I want her to be able to get better for her own health, and I don’t think she should ever be contact with anyone in the RFA ever again. But, that’s up to the RFA if they choose to speak with her or interact with her, not mine. I don’t want her to die, I want her to learn what she did was wrong.

It’s not Mika (Rika Behind Story Spoilers) who went through the cult. Rika had every chance to stop while she was ahead but she kept doing it. I would not forgive Rika, and I would never want to be around her ever again if I were in the position of the RFA when the truth is made known.

The only action that Rika ever took that could be looked at with the filter of self-defense was when she panicked when the boy’s mother tried to get close to her and harm her in a drunken rage. She acted to protect herself in that situation, but that’s the only thing that she’s ever done that someone could look at and say, she was protecting herself. She felt threatened. She panicked, she blacked out and protected herself from harm.

Don’t get me started on V. I love V, he’s not perfect, he fucked up a lot and he shouldn’t have gone back to Rika. It feels like he saw us love, forgive, and stand by Saeran and thought that he could be able to do the same for Rika, but that is not what will help him or Rika. They don’t need to be together again. They need to be fair away. Rika and V literally burned down the boy’s childhood home and V was wearing his sunglasses, so I can only presume that Rika harmed his eyes after he went to her.

Saeran himself says that he wants to tell everyone about Rika and V, but he needs to be able to discuss it with V. Even Saeran understands that V is a victim to some degree and he wants to help him.

That was a big fucking comment on his part and I was proud of him for that.

But, V left for Rika and we don’t know if we’ll ever see him again. So, I really don’t know how that’s going to be handled in the slightest, Anon.

I don’t want Rika and V together, like, ever again.

I want Rika to be punished for her actions and caught. I want V to get away from her and start to learn to love himself again and grow. I believe in him but he’s in need of someone to cheer him on when that abusive relationship ends. I really don’t want a repeat of V’s After Ending.

Don’t make me forgive Rika.

Don’t make Saeran forgive her, either.

That’s my worst case scenario fear. I want Saeran to be able to grow and get healthier, for sure, but his final confrontation with Rika should be the last time that he ever thinks about her. He made his mind up and he made it clear that she was wrong and he would never be tricked by her again.

I want him to stand his ground on that. I’ll stand by him no matter what he chooses to do, though. So, I want this to be about Saeran and Saeyoung coming together again, and helping V get out of that relationship with Rika, as well as Rika facing punishment for her actions.

But, that might be asking a bit too much, haha.

Ideally, I want Saeran and the player to be able to reach out to V and help him get away from Rika as she’s taken down as well. We don’t know if she left Mint Eye for sure, we don’t know if she and V ran away. Who is running the Cult? Is the cult put to a stop or did Rika put somebody else in charge? It’s hard to say on that front and I’m still not sure how that’s going to end up.

V can open up and work out everything that’s going to fall out here as it did in the events of V Route with Rika. He’ll need to work out everything with Jumin and the others, but I have hope for him to be able to face what went wrong and not only get the help he needs, but get the support of his support circle behind his back as everyone rallies behind him.

I would love he and Saeran to be able to work out everything, Saeyoung as well, because even Saeran is willing to work with Jihyun. Rika to get some therapy, get punished for her actions and that to be dealt with is great. It never happens so. That would be a nice change.

Saeran knows that V is a victim in all of this too. So, it remains to be seen how this is going to be handled. I can only pray that Jihyun is able to be rescued as we rescue Saeyoung (hopefully, fingers crossed.) I’m still so proud of Saeran for doing that.

God.

I’ve talked about Choice and Saeran before in regards to the Secret Ending and his Good ending and... well, I’ll direct you to that post. To read about how important it was for Saeran to be able to choose what he wanted to do with his life instead of having options forced on him.

Can we discuss this photo as well from the Special Believer Box that I’m nearly about to buy at this point with whatever comes out with AE cause I need it?? I’m gonna go fucking broke. For you. Saeran. For you. I was saving my money for Christmas and now I’ve got a reason to live.

I still don’t know if this is the implication of what will happen in the AE or if it’s something that will just exist as a standalone image. I still don’t know why Saeran would be dresses as his brother for some reason, unless there’s a twin switch-a-roo plot somewhere in all of this? I mean, bold choice, but I don’t know. I just think I needed to say again how cute that I think Saeran is in Saeyoung’s outfit. He’s so tiny and slender in comparison to his brother.

I’m gonna fucking smooch his forehead. I don’t know, I want the CG title screen and this photo here to imply that the Choi boys will be alive and happy together once all is said and done. I can’t say that I know where we’re heading but there is bound to be an adventure to hunt down Saeyoung, but I’m not sure where it will take us.

A wild-goose chase alongside whatever mystery is left. I can’t wait.

My ideal ending is one where we get to live in a little house by the sea with a garden with Saeran and Saeyoung where we can visit and chat with the RFA whenever we want. But, we’ll have to see what happens. If you want to read more about some of the things that I think he wants to do with his MC now that he’s free check out this post.

Anyways.

Kait’s gotta go cry now.

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chiropteracupola · 3 years

Photo

So I’ve been asked “HOW DO YOU EVEN. DO THAT. GOD.” and other questions approximately in that area. Well, you can find out, through the power of the ridiculous number of progress photos I took while making these! I’m pretty much self-taught, so some of these steps might be a bit weird and convoluted, I’m just out here trying my best.

Alright, let’s start out with materials. Most of the construction is done in Super Sculpey Living Doll, which is the creepiest possible name they could have given this clay. It ends up slightly translucent when baked, and it’s surprisingly durable as well, which is excellent if you are like me and drop it on the floor constantly.

First step, schematics. I was intending these as scale drawings, but then I decided not to go through with the larger size and more complicated joint system. Having a sense of the shapes you’re going for does make it a lot easier later on. I ended up leaving out the double-jointed knees, as well as changing the shoulder and ankle joints somewhat as well.

For the rest of the materials, I’ve got superglue, something to spread the superglue with, pliers, pencil and eraser, sewing pins, felting needle, pipecleaner wire, ruler, acrylic paint, matte varnish, watercolor pencils, paintbrush, purple marker, aluminum foil, non-serrated knife, fork, and permanent markers. You can use something closer to actual sculpting tools, or more paint, but this is just the stuff I had lying around the house.

I bought a couple of kind of sketchy molds off I’m not even sure where on the internet anymore. They are not intended for doll-making, they are intended for those little sugar figurines you put on cake. Do I care? No. I mostly hand-sculpted these guys anyway, and here are the major shapes I ended up constructing. Particularly for Jack, some of the pieces are sculpted around an aluminum-foil core.

Here’s a view of my desk, partway through the sculpting process. This posture is not recommended for sculpting, but I had found a hat and wanted to feel like I was some kind of noir detective.

Heads are a pretty simple shape. Sculpting the face basically consists of sticking on a triangle for a nose, then smoothing in the edges and poking it around a little bit to create the vague idea of cheekbones, eye sockets, and so on and so forth. Sculpt in some collarbones if you are, like me, very emotionally invested in collarbones. This is perfectly normal.

Before baking the clay, make sure to poke a hole in all the joints to glue in wire later. The first diagram shows where these need to go. DO NOT FORGET TO DO THIS. (I forgot to do this.) This is a cross-section of how the wiring for the neck will sit eventually. (Except in the case of Stephen, because I forgot to do this. If you also forget, this situation could probably be fixed by drilling a hole with a very small drill, but I’m very afraid of power tools and instead spent an inordinate amount of time doing foolish things with knives, and his head still won’t stay on. Be better than me.)

Another view of my desk. Craft pipecleaner wire is fairly sturdy, and I haven’t yet found an alternative to removing the fluff with pliers and using that. It is very tiring and time-consuming, make sure you have snacks and maybe a video to watch. Stay hydrated, nutritioned, and entertained, and remain calm. This is a long and torturous process, do not torture yourself more if you don’t have to. Also, you’ll live if you get superglue on your fingers, but be careful anyway. If possibly, work in a ventilated area as well.

The process of joint creation went largely un-photographed, as I was engaged in the more attention-consuming process of cursing at tangles of wire and cloth tape for hours upon hours.

I wrapped the wire connections and the ends of the clay pieces in some sort of cloth tape I found in a closet, and where necessary, filled in some gaps with wool and pieces of craft foam. (Very Small Jack is about 30% craft foam, which means he is Huggable and Pleasantly Squishy. Tiny Stephen only has these adjustments around the knees, and he is, in comparison, Stiff and About As Huggable As A Desk Lamp.)

The process for shoulders is slightly different. Instead of a wire connecting the two clay pieces, the arms have wire hooks connected directly through the torso by a tiny rubber band. (Dental rubber bands are truly fantastic and I don’t know what I would do without them.) I’ve added some cloth tape wrapping here as well, for added stability.

Next up, hair and faces. I’ve added some color around the joints in watercolor pencil, added eyes and so forth in permanent marker, and painted in the hairline and eyebrows with dubious paint I got from my neighbor. A little bit of color on the cheeks in watercolor as well, particularly for Jack, and scars in white watercolor pencil. I added a little bit of matte varnish on the fingernails for some contrast. (I had leftover clay, so I also ended up making a tiny dragon, which shows up in a couple of the photos.)

The hair is made of brushed yarn (I’ll make a separate post to talk through that, as it’s a bit of a process in its own right.) I’m gluing on longer pieces in a spiraling pattern.

Gluing on hair, bit by bit. He looks a bit like Henry Le Vesconte and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

After some trimming and styling, he’s looking good!

Now, my favorite trick here is what can be done with a lavender marker. This is just a fairly light-colored standard purple felt-tip, but in combination with the slightly translucent clay, it makes really nice false shadows that add a lot of depth to the faces. Go crazy with it, it’s fun.

So yeah! That’s how I do what I do! This got quite long, so I think I’ll do the the rest of the explaining (clothing, shoes, etc.) in a separate post sometime later. Hope this was helpful, and thank you so much for all the love and kind words, it means a lot to me!

#em makes stuff #crafts #adventures of tiny aubrey and maturin #long post

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decaffs · 5 years

Photo

university note-taking 101 ~

one of the hardest things parts of adapting to life in university is finding a note-taking method that is efficient and easy for you and your learning style.

it took me 18 months at university, experimenting with different note-taking styles, to settle on a few that work best for me. i thought i’d share all of the different methods i tried and the pros/cons of each & hopefully it’ll help you land on some note-taking styles quicker than i did! :-))

SO...i’ll start by saying obviously not all note-taking techniques are going to be included in this post because i’m just one person and these are just the styles i’ve had personal experience with and not everyone will like or dislike the same methods, it will take a little bit of trial and error to find your perfect style :-))

i’m going to split the different methods into 3 separate sections (and i’ll highlight my personal favourites):

⇢ handwritten

⇢ ipad/tablet

⇢ macbok/laptop

starting with what we all know and (kind of) love! we’ve spent the majority of our school education making handwritten notes for high school so it makes sense to start here.

1. basic handwritten notes

this type of note-taking is the most basic of all basic note-taking techniques and it’s probably what you’re used to. it involves any kind of paper - lined, squared, plained, whatever you fancy - and a single pen or pencil.

all this involves is writing down everything important you think is being said or discussed by your lecturer or your classmates! there’s nothing fancy involved, it’s all about getting down the most important points.

pros:

- you’ve already been doing this for years

- no time wasted doodling or highlighting

cons:

- can be time consuming if you’re not a quick writer

- if you’re writing on loose paper, it’s super easy to lose

- not easy to work out what notes relate to what slides / what comments were being made

- you may end up trying to write down everything on the lecture slides - waste of time when you can view them at home and you might miss important adlib!

2. annotating print-outs (*fave*)

this is a technique i adopted in second year of university! all you have to do is print out your lecture slides beforehand and bring them along with you. you can write at the side of slides or right on top of them.

pros:

- less likely to repeat what is said on slides so you can spend time listening for the nuggets of gold from your lecturer

- having slides prepared before a lecture means you can read them and familiarise yourself with some content

- easy to know what notes relate to what specific slides

- super quick to make important and accurate notes!

cons:

- it can be expensive to buy a printer/ink or to use your university’s printing facilities

- again, you can easily lose loose paper if you’re not careful

- your lecture slides may not always be available beforehand

3. cornell note-taking

cornell note-taking is something you’re probably already aware for those who don’t know - it’s a note-taking system devised in the 40s by a cornell professor.

cornell notes have to look a particular way in order for them to work (see here) and they’re geared towards helping you pass your exams.

you do your main note-taking in the right-hand box - these notes should be brief but include enough detail to act as a revision source. take these note in lectures or in classes and make sure to note down and highlight anything your lecturer emphasises.

use your left-hand column to write down potential exam questions you could be asked regarding the notes you’ve written on the right. these questions should act as test questions when you’re revising!

finally, in the bottom box you should summarise the key points to take away from that page of notes.

pros:

- excellent note-taking method for exam revision

- can be super efficient once you’re used to the style

cons:

- can take a while to set up pages if you’re doing it by hand

- can take some time adapting to this new way of note-taking

- not a flexible note-taking system, no person wiggle room

handwritten notes general pros and cons:

- hand writing notes is the most reliable way to remember important information

- you can use personal abbreviations and symbols to make your note-taking quicker

- you might lose papers here and there meaning your notes are incomplete or totally make no sense anymore

- it can be time-consuming trying to decide what is the vital information and getting it down before the topic of discussion changes

1. goodnotes for set reading annotations (app link here) (*fave*)

goodnotes is an app designed specifically for taking efficient and nice-to-look-at-notes! i personally use it for note-taking and annotating set readings at university.

i create a checklist on the first page of each module’s notebooks and write down each research paper or journal article i have to read so i don’t lose track. i then important PDFs straight into the notebook and annotate and highlight over the top of them.

pros:

- it’s super easy to have all of your reading notes and annotations in one place

- no risk of losing papers as everything is stored electronically

- the app uses icloud to sync your notes across all your devices make everything super accessible

- you can quickly share your notes with anybody through email/airdrop/imessage/pretty much anything!

cons:

- you do have to pay for the app (but it’s cheaper than printing out all of your readings)

- can be difficult to navigate at first

2. onenote for in-lecture notes

onenote is a microsoft app that lets you type and draw in one place! it works in a similar way to goodnotes.

i used onenote in first year to take in-lecture notes because it also allows for audio recording (DISCLAIMER: DO NOT RECORD YOUR LECTURES WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM YOUR UNIVERSITY AND LECTURERS) and it was super handy to have my notes and audio stored in the same file.

pros:

- super versatile and allows for many note-taking method in one app

- syncs across your devices (if you have onenote downloaded)

- allows you to collate different methods of note-taking in one place

cons:

- can be hard to organise your information! pages are blank and there’s no end to them, there’s also no grid for your items to snap to so it gets messy very quickly

- i’ve experienced personal issues with the syncing feature

ipad tablet/notes general pros and cons:

- tablets are generally really lightweight and easy to carry around - making them preferable over heavy notebooks or laptops

- having access to the internet makes note-taking super easy when you need to search terms or find photos

- you do have to make sure your tablet is fully charged if you’re taking it onto campus

- tablets can be super expensive

now for my holy grail - taking notes on a macbook or (insert laptop of choice here)!

1. brief in-lecture notes (*fave*)

i use microsoft word or pages to take most of my in-lecture notes and i fleet between using my ipad and macbook - i’m sticking it in this section because 9/10 i’m using my macbook.

with these kind of notes i set myself a specific structure and carry that out through the whole module!

first i lay my title across the top of my document - i usually just use the title of the lecture / general lecture topic. I then use my first indentations for the titles of each individual slide and bullet points for important comments made about each slide i also note particularly interesting things written on the slides themselves!

i stick to one font and one size to avoid wasting time on formatting!

i usually print out these notes so i can annotate them with any research i’ve found so it helps with my finalised notes.

pros:

- super quick if you’re a fast typer

- easy to correct notes or go back and add more detail at a later date

- easy to share and sync between devices

- simple format makes it easy to follow and a good revision resource

cons:

- notes can look a little boring and uninviting

- not easy to use abbreviations or symbols because of autocorrect!

2. extensive revision notes (*fave*)

i also use my macbook to create my finalised notes that i use to write my essays and revise for exams.

these notes take more time to make because of the formatting but they’re super nice to look at and make a wonderful resource at the end.

for these notes i start by picking a colour scheme (usually one within microsoft word) and i stick with this colour scheme for a whole module. i allocate one colour to research names and dates, one colour to titles, one colour to highlight key information with. i also use a variety of fonts! i typically use 4 fonts: one for the title of the lecture, one for subheadings, one for researcher names and dates and one for the main body of text - the main body font is usually a standard Helvetica or Arial!

i really take time to flesh out these notes so they reflect all of my learning - lectures, seminars, set reading, extra reading and knowledge i already had! i print off the notes and stick them in a ring binder and this becomes my bible for the semester!

pros:

- really inviting to look at so it makes revision a bit more enjoyable

- gives you time to show off your knowledge and create an extensive revision resource

- easy to share with friends or lecturers to get feedback

cons:

- can take a while to make these notes

- if you’re printing, this can cost quite a bit!

3. mind-map notes

finally! mind-map notes.

i use SimpleMind Lite to create mind-maps as the last part of my learning. each lecture gets its own mind-map and the nodes represent the key themes within the lecture!

it’s super important you don’t just use slide titles for your nodes as your mind-map will get crowded easily and you won’t want to use it as a revision resource.

keep your branching-off nodes short and sweet - think of them as knowledge cues! by the end of your learning you should be able to look at a node and remember the information regarding that point. these cues are also easier to remember and jog your memory in exam settings.

pros:

- good to see information presented in a new way

- you can use bright colours to make it more exciting

- great way to prep for exams

cons:

- hard to print also your canvas within the app is endless

- can be hard to share with others

macbook/laptop notes general pros and cons:

- can help you create a wide variety of notes - from short and sweet to fleshed out and fuuuuull of all the detail in the world

- allows you to correct, add to and print off your notes however many times you’d like

- you do have to make sure your laptop is always charged / you always have a charger!

- laptops can be heavy and impractical to carry to university

- if you’re not saving to a cloud you could lose some of your work (don’t be silly like me, use an external hard drive or dropbox!!!)

you made it!!! congrats :-))

hopefully i’ve given you a good idea of some of the note-taking methods you could use in university and you fancy trying a couple out!

if you have any questions or note-taking tips yourself, leave a message in the replies below.

decaffs x

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courtneyyharper · 4 years

Text

Depopin’

Hello folks, another day in the life of lockdown and another article to fill up “five” minutes of your time. One way I’ve been spending my time is spending some more time on my Depop account and just thought I’d share my knowledge (what little I have) with you all.

I’ve personally been using Depop for close to two years now and genuinely when I first started I thought nothing would come of it. Then one day I randomly sold my denim jacket for nearly as much as I had bought it for originally. From then it’s been a steady process of learning the ropes and although I am by no means a professional at this or making an income I do enjoy it. There are ways to make a brand out of this with wholesale goods and making your own goods etc. but these are just tips for anyone like me just trying to make a little extra money, save some money and be more sustainable even with fast-fashion.

So, I’m going to talk you through what to do before you start selling, how to sell and ship and even how to pick up a bargain for yourself…

Before you start…

Okays, I’m not going to go through the actual making of the account. I’m pretty sure you guys have got that covered. Make your password secure and stuff.

On to finding stuff to sell. My most popular items have always been going out dresses as they’re usually my higher branded clothing, such as Oh Polly etc. You can post almost any type of clothing but the more interesting the more likely it is to sell. Anything you do choose however should be in good condition and something you’d be happy with purchasing yourself. The best-selling items are usually brand new or in close to perfect condition. Every once in a while I like to do a clear out of things in my wardrobe I haven’t worn in a while and although it is up to you what you sell and of course there is an audience for everything I personally try and be realistic about what I can sell and what needs donated/binned.

Next you must be willing to ship the things that are purchased (this is something I struggled a lot with at the start as I learned the best process). I’ll talk more about shipping later but first you need the supplies. There’s nothing worse than receiving a Depop parcel in a taped together plastic carrier bag with your address scribbled on it. My top tip out of this whole article is to purchase some packaging.

Packaging bags can be surprisingly pricey at the post office or in office supply stores so what I first did was buy packs of them for £1 in stores such as Poundworld and Home Bargains which works out at only a few pence per parcel. Even better still if this becomes something you really get into a groove off you can buy wholesale packs of 100 on Amazon and eBay etc in colours. Little things like this can mean a lot to your customer and will actually end up saving you money in the long run.

Now you have the items you’re going to sell and your packaging to do so!

Taking your photos…

Honestly, this is kind of the entire key to selling. If your product looks good, then people will want it. There are three types of photos I like to use:

Website photos:

These ones are usually best if you have no photos in this clothing or would prefer to not be in the photos. They’re the easiest to put up on short notice. You just screenshot the photos from the website where you purchased them. The only problem with this is that some people prefer to see what the clothes look like in real life (I know I do if I’m on the fence) and will most likely ask you to provide a photo which is just effort later. Usually if I’m using these photos, I provide them in addition with some of my own photos or disclose I’m using this because the clothing does not fit so I can’t try it on, hence why I’m selling.

My own photos:

Sometimes I get lucky and I have a nice Instagram picture in the dress or top or whatever it may be but sometimes I have to set aside time to try on and photograph the clothes. When I do this, I like to do it as though it were going to be uploaded for Instagram. If you have someone to take photos of you in them than great but mirror selfies are also grand if you can do them right. That means having good lighting, so that the clothes are highly visible. I try and take them in bright day light, in a clean mirror and with a clean background. No one wants to see your laundry in the background or those water bottles that haven’t moved from your room in two months that we’re all guilty of.

Flatlay:

If you’re not overly comfortable or confident with being in the photo, then you can still take good photos of the product without wearing it. Always make sure your clothing or shoes or jewellery or whatever it is you’re selling is laid out freshly. It really goes without saying but all clothing should be clean and without wrinkles if possible. You can hang them up on a wall or lay them on a clean background on the floor. For this I like using a white wall or a clean block colour blanket, but everyone has their own style when it comes to this. Maybe even add some plant props or other things to spice up your photo but remember to make the product the focus of the photo.

Videos are also an option on Depop but it must be over 5 seconds long and I only like using this for sparkly or metallic items etc to show the real affect in person.

Although this isn’t always the case but when I really organise my page I like my account to look like an Instagram feed itself. It’s not necessary but it can really draw people to your page if they’re just clicking on for a browse.

When taking your photos always get a photo of the front, the back, any close-up details and of course if there is any marks etc on the item you should always show in a photo. You can only post four photos total so try and give people a good idea of what the item really looks like.

Description:

Next you need to describe what you’re selling. All the words you include will make it easier for people to search and find your items.

You should mention what exactly you’re selling along with brand, size, colour and anything else people need to know.

Always mention what condition the product is such as: 10/10, perfect condition, BNWT (Brand new with tags)

Even mention why you’re selling it: no longer fits, doesn’t suit me, ordered 2 sizes, didn’t return in time etc. Especially mention if it is not in perfect condition: small mark on right sleeve but barely noticeable (see photo 4)

#tags: You also have the options to add hashtags to your description to make is easier to find but you don’t need the hashtag to make it searchable. If I mention the brand it will come up in search when people search for the brand name, even without the hashtag.

Although against Depop regulations (so I’m not recommending) if there were to be other keywords (popular and similar brand names to what you’re posting for example) then your post may reach a wider audience…

Everyone has different layouts for their description but here is an example of one I would do:

Oh Polly LOVE ME KNOT dress

Ruched long sleeve bodycon dress in Oyster White

Size 10 (small fitting would fit an 8 also)

Thick good quality material

Bought on Depop and worn once by me

Great condition just won’t wear again

RRP 38 SOLD OUT ONLINE

#nightout #party #ruched

Then simply fill out the information it asks you for again, brand, size, price and shipping price too! (This is separate from price).

Pricing:

People don’t want to be buying things close to full price unless it’s brand new and you have the last available one to buy anywhere. If demand for your product isn’t high, then you’re going to have to be reasonable with pricing. You must remember (unless you’re handmaking your own clothes etc) that you’re not a retailer and people are looking for a bargain. However, every item is different so I can’t really give you a baseline price for items. The best way to learn where to ballpark your pricing is search for other items similar to yours and see what everyone else is pricing them for and if they’re selling well. I usually try and price things around 60-70% of what I paid and over time drop the price if there’s no movement.

You must remember websites are usually running offers on their own items. For example, I had one dress up recently and was getting a lot of messages as I was selling it for half the original price. Recently I had no questions about it at all and while writing this I realised the retailer had it on sale for lower than even that. Pricing can fluctuate daily and sometimes you must wait it out and/or concede to lowering the price.

Reposting:

If your item has been up for a few weeks and still hasn’t been purchased I usually go in and edit my item. Maybe switch the photos around, update the price and description a bit and post it again. This way people see something different and it gets put back to the top of people’s search.

Shipping:

This is the bit my friends ask me about most when Depop is mentioned. It’s also the most effort.

I’ve tried to get into a routine so as soon as someone purchases an item, I like to package it up straight away. Fold the item neatly and put it in its packaging. Make sure the address is correct. It’s always best to direct message the buyer and thank them for the purchase and assure them when you will get it shipped. Communication is key for good feedback later and although not necessary, I usually include a little thank you note in some funky way (at Christmas I sent Christmas cards and lately I’ve been using felt unicorn shapes I picked up in the arts and craft bit of the pound shop).

Now as soon as possible, you usually have about 5-7 days after purchase, take it to the post office. All you have to do is take it to the window where they will most likely ask you to set it on the scales for weighing and do the work for you. Once you’ve done all this once it’s a breeze.

Packaging costs me £3 a parcel (this is for second class, under 2kg, less than £20 value, unsigned and untracked which is pretty standard). However, for safety and for the first few sales I’d spend the extra and send it tracked. This way no one can claim they didn’t receive a parcel.

Top tip: if you’re sending a small package like a single t-shirt, then package it flatly. Sometimes they can fit it through the letter stencil, and you can ship for large letter prices which is cheaper than parcel prices, but this is also up to the cashier’s discretion so don’t count on it.

All current pricing can be found online too! You can print labels here and pay online to save going to the window, but I find it easier in person.

Make sure to get your proof of postage receipt and keep it! I always like to post a photo of this to let them know their item has been shipped and remember to update the shipping status too. Plus, you’ll need it if there’s any problems later.

Feedback:

Remember to leave your buyers honest feedback and hope they leave you one in return. The more positive reviews you have them more people will see you as a trusted seller later.

DMs:

Always try and click on to the app a few times a day and respond to any mails as soon as possible. Usually if you wait a day to respond they’ve already found something else instead.

Likewise, if people like your item feel free to shoot them a message: Hey, are you interested in [insert item]? If you have any questions just let me know! [insert friendly emoji]

Remember it’s all about interaction! Followers and following on Depop mean next to nothing. People use the search bar much more frequently than their timeline.

The Realities of Making Money!

Some weeks I’ll sell nothing on Depop and usually there’s more of these weeks than not but other times I’ll sell a formal dress, a few going out dresses, a jumper and make about £100. Although these weeks are far and few between you have got to persevere.

You should always remember when pricing items that Depop take a 10% fee and Paypal 2.9% after you’ve sold something (it costs nothing to list an item!) and account for this when pricing your items but also remember that people probably won’t want to pay £5 + shipping for a plain black t-shirt from New Look. Honestly, I rarely notice the fee being taken out especially if it is for clothes that I would otherwise just pack away under my bed for years.

Another thing to remember is that even when the money is deposited into your Paypal account you’re more than likely still going to have shipping to pay and packaging costs, so you need to set this aside also.

Buying:

So, when I’m looking for something specific online or find a nice dress that I’m thinking of purchasing then I like to do a quick search for it on Depop. I search the website name for the item (Oh Polly Love Me Knot Dress) and the size I’m interested in. If I find what I’m looking for I like to message the seller with any questions and if it is available. It’s always worth asking (politely!!) if they would consider selling it at a negotiated price or even with free shipping but always be reasonable. I can’t count the times people have asked if I’d sell them dresses that I had listed for £20 for a fiver with free shipping. There’s nothing more irritating. The nicer you are the more responsive they’ll be and want to reply.

I also like to save or like items and come back to them later, as a sort of wish list if I’m browsing. If nothing else the app is always good for getting ideas for future outfits much like a mood board.

In the case anything goes wrong…

Always buy through the Depop app and Paypal! Every once and a while sellers will ask you to pay them through friends and family on Paypal to avoid Depop fees but if you do this you have no way to claim back your money if the item doesn’t arrive. If an item does not arrive to you or someone claims they do not receive yours then this must go through the Paypal dispute system. If your claim is legit then you can easily get your money back so no need to worry and if someone makes the claim against you all you need is your proof of postage (but preferably a tracking number for 100% safety) and you can refute the claim.

With Paypal you’re always protected which is what makes Depop so great to use!

This was a long-winded way of explaining my personal process of Depop and has made it look even more complicated than it really is. Everyone has their own vibe how to Depop so don’t think you have to stick to this.

I love using the app to save money and even when purchasing items like formal dresses that I know I’ll only wear once I can usually find the one I want for a bargain or if I can’t I don’t feel too bad about paying full price because I know I can get some money back for it when I resell it. At least that’s what I tell myself…

Okays, that’s all I have for you today… Happy Depoping!

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themathsstudent · 5 years

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-.' Advice from a Cambridge student '.-

Hi guys. I don't have many notes to post on here since I've been mainly doing past paper questions. So instead I'm going to share some info about my study technique. This is part 1 of I don't know how many since I've not fully decided on the list of content to cover. Comment some suggestions.

Today I'll talk about how I approach, store and track my past paper questions and how that has changed from GCSE to A level to STEP/MAT to studying maths at Cambridge. This I going to be long, so do skip to the relevant bits.

In the photos is a section of older questions from my spreadsheet. I can't really show any more than that because I don't what to spoil it for people saving newer papers for mocks.

WARNING

these are things I phased in an adapted to me routine over many many years. Not all of it will be relavent for your subject/level of study. If you do decide to make something like this into a study habit, be sure to start simple and build it up. Then it will be much easier to maintain and be much better adapted to you.

WHY SHOULD I DO PAST PAPERS?

✏️ active recall is much better at helping you memorise

✏️ being able to pick out the relevant information from your brain when you read a question is an important skill you can't learn by reading notes

✏️ revise with different topics mixed together

✏️ practise the actual task you are getting your grade from

✏️ figure out what is actually examined and what was taught just to help tell the story

HOW DO I PICK PAPERS?

🔎 First find a reliable website (bookmark it) to view or download your past papers

🔎 Leave any specimen + at least 2 years worth of papers to be completed under strict exam conditions closer to the exam.

🔎 Pick a year to start from and work towards more recent papers (you can go back to do older ones if you run out)

🔎 Keep in mind the year that the exam specification might have been last updated (I'll do a post about exam specs in future) when deciding which years' papers to prioritise.

HOW DO I DO THE PAPERS?

📝 Varies according to the subject, exam style and my overall confidence but, in general, I will start off with an "open book". This really puts the pressure off and makes starting papers earlier in the year much less daunting. Just starting is so important.

📝 Always have a go first and think about the reason you're getting stuck.

WHAT MATERIALS DO I USE AND HOW DO I STORE MY PAPERS?

UNIVERSITY:

📒 Even though I have a tablet, I much prefer to do exam practise on paper.

📒 Since starting university, I use A4+ lined wire-bound notebooks that are perforated and punched.

📒 I don't use loose leaf paper because I am terrified of losing sheets and do not need to frequently reorder or split them as I do with notes as I rewrite them.

📒 Once I have a few years worth of papers done (takes quite a bit of time in the beginning), I will tear them out of the notebooks and file them by year and subject. Y2/3 for Maths at my university mixes the courses throughout 4 papers.

📒 Start each Q on a new page, in the top space write "year.paper.section.question COURSE - topic". I sometimes also write a short comment here or indicate if I would like to redo the question in future.

📒 Log progress in a spreadsheet (more info below)

STEP (Cambridge Maths Entrance Exam):

📒 Printed papers into A5 booklets (I didn't have a good laptop at the time so this was the best way to have questions with me at all times

📒 I did the questions on a refill pad, filing every evening

📒 Started new questions on a new page since I rarely ever completed a paper cover to cover in order (you actually only attempt 6/12 or 13 in the exam)

📒 Log progress in a spreadsheet (more info below)

MAT (Oxford/Imperial Maths Entrance Exam):

📒 Printed the relevant questions double-sided on A4 since there is space to answer

📒 Listed specific areas/questions of topics I got wrong on a post-it I stuck to the front

A level:

📒 Printed as A5 booklets and answered in the space provided since my handwriting is small enough

📒 Listed specific areas/questions of topics I got wrong on a post-it I stuck to the front

📒 Stored papers either spine up in an A5 expanding file or opened them up to A4, punched and filed them in a 2 ring binder.

📒 Log progress in a table for each exam. I made the template in excel and printed them to use as cover sheets in my folder.

GCSE:

📒 These papers were not very efficient to print (gaps, blank pages, pictures) so I just read the questions from a desktop and answered them in a notebook

📒 Marking and comments in a different colour

HOW DO I USE EXCEL TO TRACK PAST PAPERS?

📊 Currently I use separate rows for questions because my courses are mixed into 4 exams which questions of only 2 types of length (short in section I, long in II).

📊 Columns for year, paper (1-4), section, question number/code, course, content, type, confidence, comments.

📊 "content" is just a list of topics, keywords, theorems. They're like tags I use to categorise.

📊 "type" such as bookwork (content covered almost word for word in lecture), proof, calculation, counterexample gives me an indication of the type of recall there assessing.

📊 "confidence" is a score/10 I use to decide whether or not to review the question in future or ask a supervisor for help and prioritise the next topics to try questions for. This is the only real way I can track progress since there are no mark schemes.

📊 "comments" are very important. I try my best to give reasons for not being able to complete a question (e.g clarification needed on q's wording, can't find a counterexample, not sure about conditions of theorem ...) and then later update it with the information that resolved the issue. Even when I'm confident, I try to summarise any new trick or technique used in the question

📊 Last year when questions were not mixed up (only 2 fixed courses per exam) and for STEP I chose to use 1 cell per question (year/paper on the left, question number across the top. In each cell listing the content and manually colour coding. Still very satisfying to see fill up.

WHY DO I USE DIGITAL SPREADSHEETS?

💻 Secure autosave

💻 Filter/sort by year/course/confidence makes it much easier to see which course needs more work

💻 Find. Search through my content tags to find a relevant question

💻 Conditional colour formatting to draw my attention to questions I struggled with as well as being very satisfying when I can change something from red to green. Motivates me to do questions

🌈Wow you made it all the way to the end

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you find this helpful.

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plasticbattleaxe · 6 years

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A BASIC GUIDE TO DIGITAL ART ON PROCREATE

okay so i joined the digital art scene about a year or so ago and it has been a total whirl! there’s so much stuff that’s so confusing and hard to understand at first. And that’s okay! A stupid amount of what constitutes as “good” or “complex” art is to do with layers, patience and experience.

and because literally every tutorial on here is for Paint Tool Sai i thought it might be useful for those of us using Procreate! because i don’t have sai and i have a relatively shit laptop by comparison to my Ipad.

so without further ado - here is how to make a KICKASS piece of art on procreate

1. REFERENCE + SKETCH

the first thing you're gonna wanna do is collect any references you need for thing youre tryna make. you can collect references by finding stock images, using other artists work (i use these mostly for colour refs cause i SUCK at finding good colours). however when i make art nowdays i usually just snap a selfie and use that. for this work i did the last option (see below)

after grabbing my reference i decide on the style i wanna use. for beginer artists what i suggest doing is just pasting the image onto your canvas, opening layers and adjust the opacity to around 20% by clicking on the little N on your layer with the photo. then once thats done add a new layer by clicking the + and work over that

for more experienced artists experimenting with style just stick that bad bitch reference in the corner, then open a new layer and sketch in your own style.

when it comes to sketching i usually do little flicky lines. i do this with a mid grey (like 50% white 50% black) i recommend the “Narinder pencil” which you can find by clicking the little brush at the top, selecting sketching and then selecting that bad boy. you can adjust size and opacity using the sliders to the side of the screen.

when sketching you just wanna get a rough idea of where you’re gonna do your eventual lines - don’t worry about it being smooth or anything just get down where everything goes

once you’re done you might have something like this:

this brings us too...

2. LINE ART

for beginners - lineart is just a sexy word that means a clean drawing with hard lines so you can colour it easier and it looks prettier. you want to do this on a new layer so you can delete the sketch one later.

your goal with lineart is to make it three things: 1) its gotta be seamless so you can select the insides, don’t leave little gaps between lines 2) its gotta be smooth! jagged lineart isn’t NEARLY as sexy as smooth curvy lines 3) this one is more of a tip - but lineart generally looks better if you do thinner lines inside your shape with a slightly thicker border line. again this isn’t essential but i find it looks cuter

the way i get my lineart all cute is by using the monoline brush (found in calligraphy). sometimes i use my own modified version of the Technical Pen (found in Inking) but mostly monoline is pretty neat. You can use whatever brush you want but mostly you just wanna ensure that its nice and smoooooth. you can do this by selecting the brush and then clicking it again. this will bring up a popup menu like this:

most of these brush settings are complicated and stupid and i’ll do a big post about it later. the only one that really matters here is streamline. if you wanna use a different brush for lineart just wack that slider up between 80-100% and you’re set.

once your lineart is finished on a seperate layer go to your layer menu and unselect the little tick on your sketch layer. you should be left with something like this.

3. ADDITIONAL DETAIL LINEART + MONOCHROME BASES.

once your focus lineart is done you can add detailed lineart by repeating the same process with sketching and lineart i described above. i like to do details separate because if i dont like it i can just delete the whole layer without destroying my focus.

what i find important in these now is using my favourite fuckin tool in this whole program. you can find it here:

Only start using this once youre 100% done with your lineart. once thats done - make sure youre on the lineart layer and click that weird little s at the top of the screen. go to the bottom and click automatic. then select somewhere INSIDE your lineart. it should do something like this:

don’t freak out! what that blue stuff means is that you've just selected the inside bit of your lineart. continue selecting until your subject is 100% coloured in.

MAKE SURE THE BACKGROUND/STUFF OUTSIDE YOUR LINEART ISN’T SELECTED. ALSO MAKE SURE YOU’VE SELECTED THE LINES THEMSELVES. THEY WILL TURN WHITE ONCE THEYRE SELECTED. if u fuck up and select something by accident that’s all g, theres a little undo button on the bottom. if you click on the paint brush or another tool and you cant add stuff to your selection you can reload the mask by holding down on the weird s and the selection will reload. If there are certain bits of your work that you’re struggling to select with automatic selection that’s also not an issue. just click the “freehand” setting next to the automatic setting on the bottom and you can now use your stylus to draw around what you want to select.

once you’ve selected your foreground in its entirety - THEN click the layer button. insert a new layer underneath your lineart layer. Using literally any brush (works best if you get one from the painting section) colour EVERYTHING white. just get round brush and colour all of it. you wanna keep your line art layer separate over the top.

once all of it is coloured hold down on the weird s tool until it reloads the selection. then look along the bottom of the screen and click the little button that looks like 2 arrows pointing at each other. THIS INVERTS YOUR SELECTION. Open a new layer and make this entire thing a grey. THIS IS WHOLE STEP IS OPTIONAL BUT ITS SUPER USEFUL AND THE SELECTION TOOL IS SUPER HELPFUL FOR GOOD ART. DOING THIS WILL BE SUPER USEFUL WHEN YOU COLOUR STUFF LATER.

once you’re done it should look something like this:

4. BASE COLOURS

okay so this is where shit starts to get real. The goal of putting down base colours is to make is easier to add eventual shading to your piece and decide your colour scheme. This is where the white layer you just used is gonna become your BITCH.

you wanna start by duplicating your white layer you just made. You do that by opening your layer menu and swiping that thot to the left. this is what should happen:

click duplicate. Select the top duplicate you just made and select our favourite weird s tool. click inside your shape and the whole white shape should go blue (become selected). next, open a new layer on top of the white layer. colour in your base colours and now none of it can go outside the lines. you didn’t even have to do a billion selections. you just select inside the white blob on the layer we made the step before, opened a new layer and started colouring. fucking superb. so much time saved. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I USED TO SUFFER BEFORE I THOUGHT OF THIS. HOW LONG I SPENT SELECTING AND RESELECTING I CANNOT

A TIP FOR PEEPS NEW TO THIS PROGRAM - if you use your finger and hold down on a colour you’ve just used it acts like an eyedropper tool so you can pick up any colour you want. like this:

once you got your base colours done you can either: 1) go to your grey layer you made in the last step and select the tick next to it. once you’ve done that scroll to the bottom of your layers and select background. it will open a colour wheel. pick your background colour. 2) you can use my second favourite tool from this program! go to your grey layer you made in the previous step. click on it, then click on it again. (not the little n just click the whole layer) this menu should pop up:

oh MAN okay so. “alpha lock” pretty much means that it locks whatever is on the layer. when you get another brush and go over a layer with alpha lock turned on you can only paint over what you have previously put on the layer before turning on alpha lock. Its like automatically selecting everything on the layer. its fucking brilliant. anyway. scribble over your grey layer (once alpha lock is on) and boom you have a base for your background.

NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ALPHA LOCK YOU GO BACK TO YOUR LINEART LAYER. SELECT ALPHA LOCK. COLOUR IN YOUR LINES ROUGHLY 2 OR SO ISH SHADES DEEPER THEN YOUR BASE COLOURS

(minus eyes i like to keep the lines around them black.) this will make your art like 100000000 times nicer (majority of the time)

once you’re done you should get something like this:

this brings up to...

5. SHADING!!!!!!! this is my favourite step tbh.

what you wanna do is chuck on a new layer over the top of your base colours. and go into your brushes. pick up your basic bitch “round brush.” this is (in my opinion) the best painting brush in the program. Its the thing you can do the most with. so what you wanna do it get a slightly deeper colour from your colour wheel by yeeting your colour selection slightly more saturated and slightly more dark. dont just make it blacker move your colour selector on a diagonal to get a nicer colour. (i’ll eventually do a colour theory ref but today is NOT that day.)

i like to do colouring in short, light strokes. DON’T PRESS TOO HARD. you wanna get that cute little gradient.

A THING FOR BABY ARTISTS: on every art program i have ever used, the blending tool SUCKS. it makes paintings UGLY AF. (wow another tutorial i have to do at some point. i HATE the blending tool. SO HERE IS HOW I COLOUR MY ART TO MAKE IT LOOK, YKNOW, GOOD:

Unless you’re drawing something SUPER freaking smooth like a bubble or some shit. when you wanna blend colours what you gotta do is: 1) put in your darker colour. 2) use your finger to bring up the eyedropper tool to select a mid colour of the colours your blending together - a mix between your lighter and darker colour. (remember that tool? it looks like this)

3) Paint the colour you just made in the middle of your lighter and darker shades. REPEAT THIS PROCESS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE COLOUR YOU JUST PUT DOWN TILL IT LOOKS GOOD. The result is an WAY sexier piece of art.

once you’ve put in all your shadows repeat the same process with highlights.

FUN TIP: if you decide you dislike a colour or want to change the colour you already did all the shading for you can change the colour without any major drama. You can do this by select ing the colour on your colour wheel you would like to change your already shaded work too. (make sure you’re on the right layer.) then hold down on the colour dot on the top bar (next to your layer settings) and drag it to whatever you want recoloured. let go of the dot and it should recolour your work (including all the shading you’ve done granted that its on the same layer) like this:

once you’ve got all your shading done it should look something like this:

6. background and pretty bits

so! youve got this kickass work but nothing surrounding it. lets fix that.

In procreate there is SO MUCH you can use to spice up a work. a SCARY amount even. this is when layer settings are gonna start to come in handy.

ill do a masterpost on procreate brushes for backgrounds later, but for this piece what im gonna do it head over to the Luminescence section and pick up a “nebula brush”. this makes a complex galaxy kinda design in a randomised stamping pattern that is frankly SEXY AS ALL HELL. Select a layer below your base colours but above your background colour. IMPORTANT NOTE: this brush’s blend mode is autimatically set to “add” (ILL DO ANOTHER POST ON THAT LATER)which means if you go over the same spot heaps of times it will eventually go a bright white. This can be nice, but its not really what i want cause its kinda intense. to make this thing go glowy but not ~too~ glowy im gonna lower the brush opacity (the bottom slider) to around half way. i set my colour to a light yellow and a darkish pink and put in some nebulas!!!! once that was done I wantd to add some more colour variation so i popped open a new layer - selected the lightleak tool and lowered the brush opacity using the slider to around 20% just to spice some shit up

you can kinda do whatever you want for your background. sometimes its nicer just to go into artistic, select a random brush and draw a square underneath what you were doing. backgrounds can be super detailed or super easy it doesn’t really matter to be 100% honest.

THE PART 2 OF THIS STEP WILL ADD HEAPS OF DIMENSION TO YOUR WORK AND MAKE IT SUPER PRETTY: adding light effects over the TOP of your main subject often creates a more realistic sense of depth. In simple terms it just makes the thing look more 3D and nice. to do this, get a random brush with a nice (preferably light) colour. i picked up a “bokeh brush” from the Luminescence section. make this pretty big. sprinkle your brush across the page on a NEW LAYER above all of your work so far, including line art! Then open your layer menu and click that little n in the corner again. Remember this one:

click the little n. then go down to the bottom and select a layer setting from either of the 2 groups circled (i normally like overlay for this type of thing) you can mess around with layer settings and opacity till you find something that looks super nice. My piece now looks like this:

pretty cool right. now we’re gonna make it EVEN COOLER.

7. LIGHT FILTERS

this is something i picked up from artists like softmushie and cryptidw00rm. (not gonna @ them here cause they probs dont wanna get tagged in my shitty tutorial thing but yeah i owe so much to those two especially)

for those unsure of what im talking about: light filters are layers you add over work to make the lighting on it seem more natural and pretty. you do this by colouring over your natural highlights and shadows with different colours and then messing with the layer settings to make it seem like its being hit by sunlight. these layers go BELOW your foreground stuff (the bokeh lights from step 6) but ABOVE your lineart.

start by opening a new layer. select a colour similar to where the green outlines are here:

now on this layer paint over anywhere where the sun or other light source would be normally hitting (like cheekbones hair etc.) this can be kind of like shading. dont worry if it looks shit at first we’re gonna change it.

open a new layer beneath the one you just made. Using a colour similar to one circled in purple above colour over all the shadows in a piece. it should now look like this:

now open your layer settings on the purple/darker layer by selecting the N like we did with the foreground layer before. you can play around from here by setting the layer mode to anything from the “darken” or “contrast” menu. For this work i chose overlay. I then lowered the opacity until it looked nice.

Repeat the step above with the lighter highlight layer. when adjusting this one make sure you set the layer mode to anything from the “lighten” or “contrast” menu. For this work i did hard light.

your peice should now look kind of like this:

AND YOU’RE DONE!!!!!!!!

look at that sexy thing you just did. Congrats on creating an awesome peice of art!!!!!!

if you guys are interested in more tutorials like these or have any reqs for similar stuff send me a question or a dm to my blog @plasticbattleaxe

if you create anything by following tutorial that you want me to see don’t hesitate to tag me or submit it to my blog!!! i love seeing y’all make art

also - i know it’s annoying - but reblogs > likes. thanks for your support

i hope someone finds this useful!!!!!

#reference sheet #art reference #reference #art ref #procreate #procreate ref #zoeyeets #plasticbattleaxe #plasticbattleart #layer ref #art tutorial #art studyblr #art tips #ref artist #tutorial

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girllustrators · 5 years

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STORYBOARDING

ELIZA: Hey ladies, What do you use for boarding your dummies? Like do you print out a template, or just hand draw it as you go, or do it all digital? I'm looking to break away from my usual style of Post-It notes, which was something I took from animation a while back...as I feel like I'm not respecting the gutter as much.

LALENA: I’ve been doing it on my iPad. But previously I’ve printed out templates on paper. This might be one of those areas where everybody thinks that everyone else has a better method! I got some Post-it notes to try it your way. And I like how Patty and Vanessa put them up on the wall; I’ve meant to try that too.

PATTY: I make templates and then slide them under tracing paper when I'm getting started. That way I don't have to keep printing out templates; also the tracing paper softens the black outlines. I like to use several thumbnail sizes because sometimes a sketch might look fine tiny, but not so good at a larger size. I like to make thumbnails that reflect the proportion of the book.

ELIZA: Thanks; love hearing your process! I agree on softening the black outlines, maybe that's why I've avoided any outline! But feel like I've gotten in trouble with gutter a lot because of that. And definitely want to make sure I do thumbnails that reflect the size of the book as well!

PATTY: You could also print them out at 50% opacity to soften the lines. They bug me!

RIVKAH: I used to print templates, like Patty, but now I just use lined index cards. (I did the sticky note technique a few times too!) I like index cards because they feel less precious, and I don't hesitate to chuck them or try to draw a real pretty thumbnail. Quick and dirty! I draw the full spread on the index card if it's a spread. I go straight to full size sketches after thumbnails. Though my current dummy-in-progress, "The Wind," I cut out paper spreads and am sketching at half-size because I'm trying to keep the art (relatively) simple...r! I used to draw page and panel lines in non-photo blue so I could scan and edit them out in photoshop later. Black box lines drive me nuts too!

EMMA: I make templates with lines that are 25% black, so that they aren't too harsh. When I'm ready to make the pencils a little tighter, I use tracing paper so that there aren't any lines. I then scan those and edit the .tiffs in PS before I put them into a document. When I make the document, I enlarge the pencil sketches about 200%. That makes them not thumbnails, but not full size, either. That's how I start to see what's working and what's not. For the comp I'm making of Yellow Birds for my agent to have in Bologna, she'll have that mid-size comp. She's asked me to take a few pages to color, so for that, I'll take my chosen pages, enlarge them to what I think is 100% and draw them with a pencil, making sure everything looks structurally sound. I'll trace that with charcoal, scan the charcoal drawing and paint in either Photoshop or Illustrator. I still prefer Illustrator because I like adding vector texture. In the past, when I've sent something out on submission, my prior agent would want me to send out a pencil comp at 100%. She'd also want 2-3 spreads in color, so I would do those separately and she'd send that with the comp. Dunno yet what my new agent will want for submission. I love reading what everyone else does. It's SO helpful.

#girllustrators #kidlitart #children's book illustration #storyboard #Illustration #picture book illustration #illustrators #Austin illustrators #scbwi #scbwi austin

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maevefiction · 6 years

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Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 21

A gentle tugging at my left nipple and a heavy but strangely soothing heat on my pelvis lifted me slowly from my slumber. I tried to open my eyes several times, first one, then the other, finally managing to coordinate and get both un-shut at the same time so I could actually see. The room was dim, the only light source the street lamps from outside, spilling in over the top and out from the sides of the curtains. I lifted my right arm, and it felt like I was moving through water. As my hand hit something solid and warm, the tugging at my nipple ceased and Tom’s face rose into view. I waved at him, fingers bending toward my wrist and thumb pointed out, as if I were a small child.

He smiled, voice hushed. “Hello, beautiful.”

I wiped the drool from my mouth with the back of my hand, speech still slurred from sleep. “Finished?”

His voice in my ear as he ground against me. “Actually, I’m just getting started.”

My legs moved as if they had a mind of their own, sliding out from under his, falling open and wrapping around his waist, ankles crossed and heels resting on his ass.

I tapped his shoulder. “Start you. Now. Can.”

He chuckled, then moaned as he worked himself inside me, rooting deeper and deeper until I felt his balls nestled against my skin. His mouth found mine, kissing me until I could barely breathe. We pulled away from each other momentarily, then resumed, repeating the process as he rocked gently into me, undulating his hips. When I finally joined in the dance, he sped up slightly, pulling almost fully out and pushing back in, cock lingering to rub against my walls just enough to drive me mad with want, but not enough to make me come.

I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, my words jumbled by more than just sleepiness. “Fast. Er. Faster. Hard. You.”

He shook his head and whispered. “Not yet.”

I whined, and he shifted, resting his weight on one arm as he moved the other so his hand could reach my mound. He rubbed the outer lips, circling with the base of his palm, smiling in the faint light as my whine morphed into a throaty grunt of pleasure. I lost track of time as he continued, his pace remaining the same, until he dipped his finger into my wetness and found my clit. My fingernails dug into his back as the orgasm washed over me, waves of pleasure starting at my core and rippling out to finally reach the tips of my fingers and toes, like a rock thrown into a still pond. He began thrusting hastily, rubbing my nub vigorously, mouth on mine once again, rhythmically sucking on my tongue. I felt his balls draw up, the only sound in the room him whimpering into my open mouth as he came. I moved my legs down so they were twined around his thighs for leverage and rode him until I climaxed again, this one short but so powerful that I bit into his shoulder to stop myself from crying out and waking everyone in the building.

He collapsed on top of me. “Worth waking up for?”

I nodded drowsily. “Yah. Betcha.”

I could feel him grinning against my chest, and he rose up on his elbows. “Maude?”

I patted his cheek. “Mmm.”

“You were very, very wet when I woke you. Soaking. Sopping, even. Were you, perchance, having naughty dreams?”

I grabbed his jaw and shook it as I nodded again. “You. Lestat. Hot. Too much sexy. May die if happens. Bastard.”

He laughed. “You are irresistibly adorable when you’re half asleep.” He lifted himself off me, got up and stood at the side of the bed, holding his hand out to me. “Bathroom?”

I grumbled at the prospect, but knew I should take care of business if I wanted to sleep well. He escorted me to the bowl, guided me as I sat, helped me off when I was done, then walked me back to bed.

“Here you are, my love. I’ll be right back.” He kissed my forehead and went back in to the bathroom. I squinted at the clock. It read 3:30. I meant to tell him I was impressed with his speed reading skills but was asleep again before he returned to me.

****************************************

All of our Tuesday was spent addressing things we’d either been neglecting or needed to take care of before we left the city on Friday. I found a full service laundry and dropped off our combined pile of clothes before we stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast, then found a real estate agent willing to meet us at the house immediately. After apologizing profusely for what she was about to endure within, we toured the property with her. Upon inspecting the garage, we discovered it was filled to the brim with boxes, and that the former servant’s quarters above it had been converted into a recording studio. There were more guitars, a drum set, keyboards…the works. The agent’s on the spot appraisal based on local comps was seven hundred and fifty thousand as is, with a tentative value of at least a million if I painted, changed out all the fixtures, and converted the kitchen/bar area back into a kitchen and dining room with either a classic or modern theme, depending upon my taste and aligned with the look I chose for the rest of the home. The recording studio might attract a buyer, but she thought it would be better if I took out all the equipment and billed it as ready to finish space, or, preferably, turn it back into an apartment. I asked about having someone come in to clean up and hold an estate sale on my behalf, explaining I couldn’t be there in person, and she said she had a company she preferred to work with and would forward their contact info later on in the day.

I phoned Barty and asked him to email the loan holder information and balance due to me, and when it arrived I phoned the company and advised I’d be paying it off at the end of the week. The customer service rep I spoke with promised to have all the remittance details to me no later than Thursday morning. It felt strange, the idea of owning a home I’d hated to be in, but I reminded myself I wouldn’t have to LIVE there because it was nothing more than an investment in my future.

We picked up our laundry, and after that it was off to Dress Barn to find something to wear for the upcoming bullshit. There were plenty of little boutiques around, but, let’s face it, good luck finding something above a size six. I knew that I’d be able to find something in my size at Dress Barn, even it wasn’t a perfect match for my ‘personal style’.

Seeing Tom holding the pile of dresses I wanted to try on as we headed to the fitting rooms struck me as hilariously funny, and I whipped out my phone to take a picture. He made me take another, in which he rolled his eyes and appeared as exasperated as possible. I dared him to post it online, and as soon as his hands were free he put it on Tumblr. I had him edit it when I saw the finished product.

Greetings and Salutations, Followers.

Not being the sort to back down from a dare, here’s a photo of me graciously attending to the needs my social media manager while she scours the racks at Dress Barn. I have a sneaking suspicion that the sole purpose of her goading me into posting this is so she’s able to deduct her purchases as a business expense.

Edited to add…said social media manager would like me to inform you that the ‘ask box’ will be open at some point today for ten minutes. Please check back periodically so you don’t miss out on the opportunity to send in your question.

Enjoy the day!

Tom

I forced myself to say no when he asked if he could join me in the fitting room so he’d be present and accounted for if any other needs that required tending cropped up, leaving him dejected and standing alone outside the entrance next to the service desk. He was wearing his running shorts, a white T-shirt, blue baseball cap and his running shoes, and while I knew if anyone looked closely he’d be recognized, the place wasn’t terribly busy so I figured it would be fine as long as I moved at a reasonable pace.

There were ten dresses in the stall with me, five different styles in both size twelve and fourteen. Women’s clothing sizes are a source of endless frustration and full of fuckery…a twelve often fits like a ten for one style, or a fourteen for another. Completely impossible to tell until you try it on, and then begins the parade back and forth to the rack to find that style in the next size up or down. Men’s stuff is so much more straightforward…a medium shirt is a medium shirt. A thirty-six waist is a thirty six waist. Hence my penchant for doing all my casual clothes shopping in the fella section. My double D’s complicated matters as well, the bottom half of me always a ten or twelve, the top more often than not a fourteen, sometimes a sixteen. Fine when buying separates, but dresses were a foray into a nightmare of too tight here, too loose there, too long everywhere, too…what the fuck is this even? It always seemed to me that many plus size designers were under the impression that there’s a direct correlation between a woman’s girth and her height. Not so, morons. Not so. When we put on weight, we do NOT get taller, sorry to say.

Three of the styles went into the ‘hell no’ pile prior immediately, having made me either look like a sausage or a matron, but the other two had promise. One was a short-sleeved faux wrap design with a black skirt and a black and white geometric patterned top. The wrap part was asymmetrical at the waist, which was surprisingly slimming. I couldn’t even get the twelve past my chest, but the fourteen, though a little snug in that area, was comfortable everywhere else. I walked out to show Tom and found him taking selfies with two women, probably in their mid-forties. His attention shifted when he saw me, and they looked my way as well, waving and saying hi. They complimented my dress, thanked Tom for the photos and were on their way.

I smirked, shaking my head. “Christ, I leave you alone for five minutes and the ladies are all up in your business.”

He shrugged, a slight blush creeping up from under his shirt to his neck. “They were returning something and I heard them whispering to each other, trying to determine if it was actually possible that Tom Hiddleston was standing outside a Dress Barn fitting room in New Orleans. I couldn’t help but say hello.” He pointed at me. “That looks amazing on you, by the way.”

I grinned. “Nice segue, as always. Thanks. This one is Viewing Dress. Number two, Funeral Dress, awaits. I will most likely never wear either of them ever again.”

Funeral Dress was actually kinda funky, a black cold shoulder design, exaggerated V-neck, loosely fitted with three-quarter sleeves and silver embellishments. The twelve fit perfectly, hem hanging at four inches or so above my knee. Tom was resting against the wall to the right of the doorframe when I stepped out of the fitting room, biting his lip when he turned and looked me up and down, then leaned over to bite the exposed portion of my right shoulder, whispering ‘I. Want. You.’ while pulling away.

He laughed evilly at my semi-suppressed moan. “Oh, I like this one much better.”

I raised my brows. “Gosh, me too. Maybe this one will make another appearance at some point after all.”

He resumed his duties as dress carrier while I searched for a pair of high heels, which were as foreign and unacceptable to me as pineapple on pizza. After trying on what seemed like a thousand of the blasted things, I settled on a sensible black velvet pair. The toe was roomy and not too pointy, and though the heel was ridiculously narrow and three inches high, I didn’t totter too badly in them. I chuckled when I caught sight of myself in a mirror, hair in a sloppy ponytail, X-files T-shirt, hiking shorts and then…ninety dollar heels. When I turned to point out my serious fashion fug to Tom, I noticed he’d sat down on a bench further down the aisle, the one I’d left my sandals under.

I waved. “Hola. Como esta?”

He met my gaze as he rested his hands on his knees. “Would it be too much trouble to ask you to walk towards me very, very slowly?”

I shook my head, put my hands on my hips and embraced my very first runway model moment as I strutted towards him. Midway through I burst out laughing and had to stop, bending over to catch my breath. He was in front of me in an instant, hands on my arms and setting me upright.

“Maude, do you have any idea…good Christ…the way your hips roll in those things is downright obscene.” He pulled me to him, cock hard against me in an unfamiliar spot.

I thrust my hips forward. “Oooh, man…I wish I was this tall all the time. It would be so much easier for you to fuck me standing up.” I stepped out of the heels and picked them up, walked to the bench, plopped down, then stuffed them back in their box as he stood there, mouth agape. I put my Birkis back on and stood, box tucked under my arm. “Let’s go, cowboy. Much to do and little time to do it in, as always.” He retrieved the dresses from where he’d left them hanging on the edge of one of the shelves, and obediently followed me to the checkout counters up front.

****************************************

Back at the hotel, we ordered in Chinese for lunch, scarfed half of it down and put the rest in the fridge for dinner, intending to spend the rest of the day working. We Skyped with Luke about the upcoming film festival schedule, then we took turns to chat with him individually. Simon kept sneaking behind him and making faces and obscene gestures until Luke kicked him out of the room. They were leaving for London early on the sixteenth, which reminded me that we hadn’t booked a flight for ourselves. I took care of it as soon as our session was over, then logged in to Tumblr and opened Tom’s ask box.

He was sprawled on the bed, already well into Interview with the Vampire. He’d mentioned the screenplay to Luke, who didn’t express an opinion either way, but Simon overheard and began screaming a combination of ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD!’, ‘MAUDE!’ and ‘YOU SNEAKY LITTLE MINX!’ over and over again in the background.

After ten minutes of me sitting at the desk while attempting to weed through the two hundred emails in my inbox, I closed the ask box and began reviewing questions. I deleted the vapid ones, of which there were many, which honestly surprised me, and focused on the ones that had required some thought and were not too personal.

I cleared my throat to get Tom’s attention. Nada. I raised my leg and poked him with my toes. He jumped, startled, and grabbed my ankle as I tried to pull away.

My left eyebrow shot up. “Wow, I’m guessing you’re liking it, then?”

He nodded vigorously. “I’d like this to be the first book you put on the website, if that’s okay.”

“Sure thing, sunshine. Will you be doing a write up or shall we make a video? Have to get the camera out to make one to answer the Tumblr ask anyway, and you’re already in a white T-shirt…”

He grinned. “Sounds fine to me. Are we betting on the number of notes again?”

I crossed my arms. “No. I don’t want to break my winning streak. And you may be smiling, but I have a feeling you’re out for blood this time.”

“But Maude, I’m so gallant and chivalrous and sweet I would never…”

“Yeah. Fuck right off. Here’s the first question…I chose three. ‘What do you enjoy most about the filmmaking process?’”

He rubbed his jaw.

“Number two. ‘How did you manage to get so skinny to play Hank Williams?’”

He nodded.

“Number three. ‘Out of all the places you’ve travelled to, which is your very favorite?’”

He pointed at me. “That’s the one right there.”

My brow furrowed. “Seriously?”

He marked his place in the book, picked it up and nearly leapt off the bed. “Where are we doing this?”

I removed the video camera bag from my carry on. “How about in front of that awesome bamboo in the courtyard?”

“Perfect. You should bring the tripod.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

I sighed. “Fine. It’s in my suitcase. You can carry it.”

There was no one around when we got downstairs and went outside, so Tom set up the tripod smack in the middle of the path. The ceiling was slatted wood, the walls white, and the giant stalks of bamboo were set in an oval inside a square raised bed, grey gravel filling the non-mulched areas. Two planters sat on either side to the front of the bed, and behind it all were the beautifully aged original windows, the burnished brown wood golden in spots from weathering.

Tom wanted to do the book discussion first. He stood in the gravel, in the center of the raised bed, towards the front, book held with both hands in front of his chest. I gave him thumbs up and hit record.

“Hello there. Welcome to the first installment of Tom’s Library –What I’m Reading.” He held the book out toward the camera. “I hold here in my hands a story that was born right here in New Orleans, Louisiana, put to paper by the amazingly talented Anne Rice, whom I was fortunate enough to meet last evening over dinner. Interview with the Vampire, the initial title of the Vampire Chronicles series. This is my first time reading her work, I’m embarrassed to admit, and though I just delved in a few short hours ago I already find myself completely immersed in the world of Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis de Point du Lac. Her prose is poetic, gorgeous, dark and expressive and if I have my way I’ll be sitting in a corner with my nose firmly planted in this…” He held it up with one hand. “For the rest of the day. These are vampires as vampires were meant to be. My thanks to you, Anne, for dinner and for lending me your very own copy. I promise to return it unscathed.” He grinned and spread his hands, book clutched in the right one. “That’s all for now. I’m certain you’ll be hearing more about it from me sooner as opposed to later. Until next time, then.” He waved and I hit the record button again to stop filming.

I applauded. “That was gold, Hiddleston. Gold. I don’t even need to edit it.”

He set the book down gently next to the tripod. “Shall we get right into the next one?”

“Yeah. It’s fucking hot out here. My sweat is sweating.”

He paused, looking down as he readied himself, raising his head and nodding when he was prepared to proceed. I hit the record button again.

“Greetings, Hiddlestoners, and all of you who follow me on Tumblr. Today’s question is from kneelbeforeloki1985zx - ‘Out of all the places you’ve travelled to, which is your very favorite?’ Previously, I’ve always found that one impossible to answer, but now…it’s simple. The island of Kaua’i. I just spent the two most incredible weeks of my life there. There’s beautiful scenery wherever you go, the ocean is an impossible shade of blue, and so on and so on. But the best spot on the entire island is the Talk Story bookstore. I’m sure you’re aware I’m a bit of a bibliophile, and the place is chock full of unique and rare reads. There is, however, another reason why I feel so strongly about it. It’s where I met Maude.” He waved at me, trying to get me to join him. I mouthed the words ‘are you fucking insane’ and he nodded, grinning. I shrugged and walked around the tripod and into the frame, doing a giant circle wave starting with my palm out flat toward the camera at stomach level, raising it up past my face, then clockwise out to my right side.

“Hello, People of Tumblr. I’m Maude Gallagher, Tom’s social media manager. Also known as She Who Turneth the God of Mischief into a Dress-Carrying Pack Mule. Please excuse my slovenly and disgustingly sweaty appearance. For the record, as far as I’m concerned there’s really only one acceptable reason to get sweaty…and let me tell you, standing outside in ninety-nine degree heat with ninety-six percent humidity sure as shit ain’t it.”

Tom lost it completely, head back and roaring with laughter at first, then bent over with his hands on his knees. I made a valiant attempt at keeping myself together, but it was foiled when he calmed down for a moment, then whispered ‘we’re up all night to get…sweaty’ and started giggling madly. I laughed until I wept, unable to catch my breath enough to speak, and we clutched at each other as we tried to regain some semblance of control, instead dissolving into another fit of chortles and snorts whenever we looked at each other.

I held my hand out in front of me. “We are SO sorry.” More snorts. “Really. We’re normally very, very professional.” I kept my eyes forward, staring at the gravel as I inhaled and exhaled to the count of five and cleared my throat. I felt Tom’s arm slip around my waist, pulling me to him. I turned my head in his direction, surprised at how he’d sobered so quickly.

He kissed my cheek, then looked directly into the camera. “Over the past few years I’ve been asked about my relationship status more times than I care to count, and at one point I replied to the effect that when there was something to say, I’d say it. And now there is, so here we go.” I teared up, remembering what he’d said to Luke back in Kauai’i…that he wanted the whole world to hear him when he said it. His grip on my waist tightened.

“Someday we’ll have to tell you the entire tale of how we met, because it’s amazing and entertaining and, frankly, something straight out of a movie, but…long story short, we had a delightful exchange at Talk Story that ended all too soon as we both had appointments to keep. I managed to finagle her phone number, promising to call after said appointment was over. As it turned out, unbeknownst to us, our appointments were with each other and my PR manager, Luke Windsor. He’d contacted Maude to arrange a sit down to discuss my social media participation without telling her my name, and he’d only let me know that we were meeting with someone regarding the matter, nothing else.” He turned to me and smiled, and I smiled back. “I’ve heard my entire life that when you find the right person, the person meant for you, that you just…know. Love at first sight. And I never really believed in it, most likely because it had never happened to me. Until the moment I laid on eyes on this gorgeous woman, that is. I just had to meet her. It was a compulsion I couldn’t resist. And when our gazes finally locked and she smirked at me…that was that. I knew. By the end of that very first day, I was madly, deeply and completely in love with her.”

I rolled my eyes as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Goddamn you, Hiddleston.” I shook my head and pointed my thumb in his direction. “Anyway. Yeah. What he said. And I got a really cool job out of it all, too. Seriously, though. It was the most bizarre and extraordinary thing that I’ve ever experienced. One moment, there was some creep standing behind me who wasn’t saying anything and totally freaking me out, and ten seconds later when I turned around to berate his or her appalling behavior I found myself unable to utter a word because the creep was actually this beautiful man. A beautiful man who shortly thereafter followed me out of the store and got on his knees to beg for my phone number. I resisted at first, but as you know all too well, when it comes to Tom Hiddleston, resistance is futile. Later on that same day he brought me Lindor truffles. They were what pushed me over the edge, and down into the rabbit hole I went.” He cleared his throat. “Fine. It was more than the truffles. But let’s keep this PG, shall we?”

He leaned into me, left eyebrow raised, a devilish grin spreading across his face. “Must we?”

I grinned in return as I punched him in the shoulder. “Do you think it wise to encourage me in such a fashion?”

He laughed again, shaking his head “I know it’s not.” Tom turned his attention back to the camera. “So, there you have it. Kaua’i. My favorite geographical location. I look forward to answering next week’s question…if we behave ourselves perhaps Maude will join us again.” I shook my head like a four year old refusing to eat their veggies, lips clamped shut. He grinned, tongue between his teeth, curling to touch his upper lip. “A huge thanks to all of you out there…I appreciate your support more than I can express with words. I still love the work, and I’m thrilled that you still enjoy it.” He bowed as I waved and walked out of the frame to turn off the camera.

I felt him beside me, and when I looked his way he was smiling gingerly. “Was that awful? Should we try again?”

I took his hand in mine. “Let’s watch it and see.”

When it was over his head bent towards me and came to rest on my shoulder. “So? Again?”

“No way. It was real, and hilarious, and beautiful.” Sighing, I rubbed my temple against the crown of his head. “And very, very personal. You’re certain you want to put this out there?”

He stood upright, grasped my upper arms and rotated my body to face him. “Absofuckingloutely, as you say. It’s already out there, isn’t it? Vaguely, perhaps, but obvious to those who wish to see it. This just…”

“Serves as confirmation. Which you know I think is the best way to handle it. Band-Aid. Right off. No ‘Are they? Aren’t they?’ I say post this bitch and let the chips fall where they may. And have I mentioned that it’s fucking HOT OUT HERE? If I don’t get inside soon I’m going to have a meltdown in more ways than one.”

He held his chin in his left hand, thumb grazing over his jawline, stroking, making me want to run my tongue over the same spot. “I believe you have. You get the camera, I’ll grab the tripod.”

“Thank you, kind sir. Let us now adjourn to our climate-controlled room where I will offer up a silent prayer of thanks to Willis Carrier prior to dragging my sweaty ass into the shower.”

His mouth opened, as if he were about to speak, then it closed again quickly.

I pointed at him. “You were going to sing your bastardized version of Get Lucky, weren’t you?”

He feigned astonishment, hand spread wide over his upper chest, index finger across his collar bone. “What? No! What would lead you to believe that I’d do such a thing?”

“Experience. Hot, remember? Inside time. Move it, Thomas. Move. It.”

“Ooohhh, inside time. I rather like the sound of that.”

He bounded toward the doors, beaming, as I swiveled my head back and forth in mock disgust, brain far to addled to compose a witty retort.

Once upstairs and cocooned in the delightful coolness that was our room, we ate the remnants of our Chinese food, then went back to work, Tom reading and making notes along the way, while I converted the videos to the proper format and uploaded them where they belonged. Hours later, all my emails were answered, photos and videos from Comic-Con interviews and panels that had been passed on to me as requested were posted, and I’d even reviewed several new account intake forms Luke had sent earlier in the day.

I got up from the desk chair, which was an ass-killer, stretched and plopped down on the floor. I couldn’t remember precisely when I’d last done yoga, and since I was caught up for the moment the perfect opportunity to cycle through some poses seemed to have presented itself. I didn’t bother with the mat as the carpet was so plush, and as I finished, lying in Corpse pose, it occurred to me that I had never in my life spent so much uninterrupted time with another human being. Normally, two days was my maximum before I’d freak out and need to be alone…yet here I was holed up in a hotel room that consisted of less than three hundred square feet of space, perfectly content to have him constantly in my presence.

Tom hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed, pillow tucked behind his back as he leaned against the headboard, one leg bent at the knee, arm resting on it, the other leg stretched out straight, his foot dangling off the bottom of the mattress. I’d always thought my ability to focus was superior, but he had me beat, perhaps by miles. It was no wonder why he was so good at his job…he invested every bit of himself, even in the tasks others would have considered unimportant or beneath them.

Inspired, I returned to the desk, turned on my iPod, put in my headphones and began outlining a plan for yet another version of the Prosper website, one that would include detailed bios and CVs for of all our clients as well as links to their social media accounts. Everything else just faded away as I selected potential colors to use as a theme, all of which needed to coordinate with the existing logo. I was in the middle of typing up a message to Luke asking if he’d at least let me show him some alternatives to the white on black version he preferred, Bob Marley’s ‘Is This Love?’ blaring in my ears and reminding me of what I’d been pondering as I lay on the floor earlier, when the sound disappeared and all that remained was my own voice, singing loudly. Tom was standing next to me, finger having just hit the pause button.

I reached out and touched his hip. “Sorry if I disturbed you…I didn’t even realize I was singing.”

He extended his hand to me as he removed the earbuds from the jack, pulling me to my feet when I accepted it. “It’s a marvelous song, especially in your voice…I’d forgotten it even existed. Dance with me?”

Nodding, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he started it over from the beginning and his arms encircled my waist. We swayed back and forth as we turned round and round, staring at each other and listening to the lyrics.

I wanna love you and treat you right; I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together with a roof right over our heads; We'll share the shelter of my single bed; We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.

Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? I wanna know - wanna know - wanna know now! I got to know - got to know - got to know now! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able, So I throw my cards on your table! I wanna love you - I wanna love and treat - love and treat you right; I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together, yeah! - with a roof right over our heads; We'll share the shelter, yeah, oh now! - of my single bed; We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread. Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? Wo-o-o-oah! Oh yes, I know; yes, I know - yes, I know now! Yes, I know; yes, I know - yes, I know now! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able, So I throw my cards on your table! See: I wanna love ya, I wanna love and treat ya - love and treat ya right. I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together, with a roof right over our heads! We'll share the shelter of my single bed; We'll share the same room, yeah! Jah provide the bread.

At some point he took my hand in his to hold both of them to his heart and I rested my head against the other side of his chest, remaining there until the first strains of the next song began and he hit pause again. I could feel him burying his face in my hair, breathing me in. Reluctantly, I pulled back so I could see him. He looked…exhausted. Peaceful and serene, but exhausted. My hand rose to cup his cheek.

“You look very, very tired, Thomas.”

He chuckled. “Been a busy couple of days. It feels like…I don’t know how long, but every time I remember that it’s only Tuesday it blows my mind a bit.”

I frowned, recalling everything we’d endured in such a short span of time. “Sorry…”

My apology was cut short with a kiss, long and slow, his tongue tracing my lips then greeting mine with an ardent fervor. He extricated himself in order to speak, his voice gentle, one hand wound in my hair, fingers massaging the area just above my neck. “From now on, whenever you begin to apologize for something that doesn’t require one, I’m going to kiss you.”

My mouth curled in a half smile. “Er, I’m sorry?”

“Well, that turned out exactly as I expected.” He kissed me again, deeper, with a passion that made me shudder. “It’s well past midnight, woman. Time for bed.”

“Do you mean time for bed, or time for…bed?”

“Whichever you prefer.”

I disrobed in ten seconds flat, flung myself on the mattress and patted the spot next to me. “Come on, Hiddleston. Up all night to get sweaty, right?”

He groaned as he slid his shorts down his long legs and whipped the T-shirt over his head. “That’s going to haunt me forever, isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah. Forever and then some.”

****************************************

We slept in until noon on Wednesday, walked to Café du Monde for coffee and beignets…both of us realizing that if we lived here we’d be in serious trouble because, hello addiction…then headed back to the hotel to get ready for the viewing. I pointed out buildings and homes I loved along the way, as well as the bus stops so Tom could get a feel for what travelling around the city had been like for me. We stopped to listen to a street performer playing a portion of Beethoven’s Violin Concerto in D major, Op. 61. It was odd without the orchestral accompaniment, but glorious just the same. Tom placed a hundred dollar bill in the young man’s case, carefully tucking it down near the bottom to prevent it from tempting a passerby to help themselves.

“Hard to believe that piece is from two hundred years ago, isn’t it? Everything he did is still so…relevant. I keep hoping that Skrillex is going to incorporate some portion of Beethoven’s work into his own stuff at some point.”

Tom looked at me, head tilted to one side. “Who’s Skrillex?”

“You don’t know who Skrillex is.” I said it as a statement of fact as opposed to a question.

He shook his head. “Not a clue. Should I?”

I shrugged. “Maybe? He’s an EDM artist, and, in my opinion, a fucking genius. Lots of people can’t stand his music, but I love, love, LOVE it. He released his first album on his MySpace page as a totally free download, and then the next two as well, in 2010. He won three Grammys in 2011.” I poked Tom’s arm. “THAT is how you use social media to your advantage. I saw him perform in 2014 at Red Rocks in Colorado. It was awesome, even though I felt like I was the oldest person there. Someone actually asked the kid next to me if I was his mom. Not surprising, I guess, because I’d just left a seminar and didn’t have time to change so I probably looked the part. Anyway. I’ll play you something later. Kinda like the Prodigy, but more metal. Completely original.”

“I look forward to it.” He took my hand as we reached the hotel block, stopping in his tracks. “How are you, Maude?”

“I’m…I’m okay, actually. I just want it done, you know?”

He squeezed. “I know. If Will happens to show up…what would you prefer that I do?”

“Hadn’t thought about it, but…fuck…you shouldn’t have to even be involved in this. I’m really sorry…”

A kiss, short but sweet, interrupted me.

“Right. Not sorry. How’s this? I find it to be terribly unfair that you may have to encounter the epic douchebag that is my ex-husband, and I wish things were different. An apology, but…not.” I blanched. “God, I’m not sure I’ve ever said that before. Ex-husband. I think I may vomit.”

Tom embraced me and kissed the top of my head, then released me.

I bit my lip. “So. To answer your query…I can’t answer it, honestly. What do you want to do?”

The left side of his mouth twisted upward in a sneer. “Split his skull?”

I snorted. “Get in line.”

He laughed. “I’m aware that you’re perfectly capable of handling it on your own, but I still want to be nearby, just in case. Mainly because he’s gotten violent with you in the past. Is that okay?”

I paused, frowning. “Be nearby, yes. But if anything physical happens, please promise me you won’t raise so much as a finger unless there’s some sort of imminent danger. He’s the kind of asshole who’d try to get you to hit him simply because he knows doing so could damage your reputation.”

His brow creased. “Hadn’t thought of that aspect. I promise…it won’t be easy, since I already want to punch him repeatedly, but…I promise.”

I hugged him briefly. “Thank you, Thomas. See, if I punch him and the cops show up all I have to do is tell them he fucked my mother while he was married to me and is now crashing her funeral and they’ll be all like, hit him again, lady. We’ll be out getting some beignets if you need us.”

We began walking again, the hotel lobby only a few steps away. He held the door for me as we entered.

“Is it wrong that I’d love to see you give him a sound ass kicking?”

“Nope. I think it’s adorable. And, I’m overcome by the urge to apologize again but if you keep kissing me…yeah. It would be rather gauche of me to be late, would it not?”

He nodded, and we climbed the two flights in silence. His phone was ringing as we opened the door, and he let out a muffled ‘fuck’ in the hallway when he realized he’d forgotten it. He managed to catch it before it went to voicemail, and he mouthed ‘Legendary’ at me as he answered.

I hopped in the shower, attempting to shift my focus to something more pleasant whenever what awaited me crossed my mind. He stopped talking, and I heard his footsteps coming toward me and into the bathroom.

“They’ve reworked the cast, and we begin shooting in late October. On Oahu.”

I whooped. “MORE HAWAII!” I cleared my throat. “Assuming that I’m coming with you.”

“Well, I’m not going without you, so…”

“Good. But I insist upon staying in a nearby hotel, not in any housing they’re providing for you. When you and the powers that be deem it appropriate for me to take pics and so forth I’ll come to the set. I’m not into going full on Yoko Ono. You need to do your thing, bond with your co-stars and all that jazz.”

He opened the curtain, laughing. “Full on Yoko Ono. I love that. And I love you. As long as you don’t mind me showing up to be near you at all sorts of odd hours and sleeping there whenever possible I’m okay with you being in a hotel.”

I waggled my eyebrows. “Booty calls. I can hardly wait.”

He reached in and put his hand on my shoulder. “Maude, you’re so…different. It’s incredibly freeing, having someone in my life who…I can’t quite explain it. Probably because you’re naked.”

“Makes sense. I forget my own name when you’re naked. How about…understands that your occupation demands long and often unusual hours in faraway places?”

“Yes, but…more than that.”

“Okay…isn’t a total attention whore who can’t deal with not being able to parade you around 24/7? Who has her own interests and a job to keep her occupied while you do yours? Isn’t a massively annoying cling-on who’s so self-centered that she gets pissed when you can’t do what she wants when she wants to do it?”

His smile took my breath away. “Yes. That. But you left out ‘is intelligent, confident, powerful, caring, amusing and sexy as fuck’. And I’m sure I missed a few, too.” He removed his hand from my shoulder and took his phone out of his pocket. “I’m pleased to inform you that I had an abundance of texts waiting for me, all of them commenting on our Tumblr video.” He began reading them to me. “From Hemsworth, ‘It’s wonderful to see you so happy, mate. Good on both of you.’ Evans said ‘Tom, you lucky bastard…she’s beautiful, and wicked funny. Tell me she has a sister.’ Ben’s comment was ‘That’s how it happens, you know…minding your own business and…BOOM. Can’t wait to meet her.’ And then there’s Downey’s, ‘Tommy. I know that woman. Don’t fuck this up. Oh, and Susan says MARRY HER RIGHT NOW.’” He was blushing, a deep pink color that began at his collar bones and reached all the way up to his cheeks. “There are a bunch more, if you want to read them later. Did anyone mention it to you?”

I laughed. “Thomas, my love…in order for friends to comment on such matters, one must first have friends. So, no. And I haven’t checked the post comments. That’s for another day.”

He waited while I finished, then stepped in to take his turn.

I kissed him on the cheek. “You are so very, very cute when you blush.” He shut the curtain in my face. “You’re doing it again right now, aren’t you?” He remained silent, and I chuckled to myself the entire time I was getting dressed, until he wandered out of the bathroom naked and dripping yet again…at which point all other thoughts escaped me.

He dressed as I put on makeup and wound my hair into a bun, cursing occasionally at my ineptness, then finally saying fuck it and letting it hang loose. After fastening the tourmaline necklace into place, I went back out into the main area. Tom looked stunning, as always, in the grey pants he’d worn at Comic-Con, a black button down shirt, grey knit tie and black patent shoes. He had his light grey jacket in his hand.

“Should I wear this, do you think?”

I shook my head vehemently. “Not unless you want the next funeral to be yours. You’ll fucking sweat to death.”

He peered at me quizzically. “Surely they have air conditioning.”

“Yes. They do. But no one ever turns it up enough. I hope I’m wrong, but…yeah.” I slung my bag across my body after looking at the clock. 3:30. “Ready?”

He nodded, and we made for the car.

****************************************

The receiving room was painted a pale yellow, with a yellow-gold carpet and drapes to match on the wall behind the casket. Brown wooden chairs with avocado green leather seats and backs that clashed horribly with the pink roses had been arranged in neat rows, though I doubted we’d need them. I didn’t anticipate much of a crowd, unless they were coming purely for the schadenfreude, in which case it might be standing room only. Mrs. Henderson came out of a side door to greet us.

“Hello, Maude. Have you seen her yet?” I shook my head, and she motioned for me to follow her to the front of the room. Tom grabbed my hand and came along. The pink dress looked garish, but that would have been the case even if she was still alive. I had to admit that the cosmetologist had done an exceptional job…her color was nearly normal, cheeks fleshed out (with what, exactly, I was sure I didn’t want to know) and blush applied, her hair washed and styled, fanning out on the white pillow behind her. “She looks beautiful, and so peaceful, doesn’t she?”

I wanted to scream, but I nodded instead.

She pointed to a grouping of three chairs to the left of the casket. “You can stand or sit until guests begin arriving, whichever you prefer. If this room gets too full, you’re welcome to have folks wait in the one next door…your mother’s is the only visitation we have remaining for today. I’ll be right behind this door if you need anything, and at 6 PM you’ll have the opportunity to say goodbye privately before we seal the coffin.”

I flopped down gracelessly in the chair furthest away, tossed my bag on the floor and put my head in my hands, elbows on my knees. Tom sat next to me, gently rubbing my back until we heard a familiar voice.

“Maudie! Thomas! There you are.” She was wearing a black dress with a white lace collar, a black and ivory cameo at her neck. She walked toward us, then peeked in the coffin before taking a seat next to Tom. “Wow. They did a nice job.”

Tom and Anne chatted about the screenplay while we waited for people to show up, and listening in was a welcome distraction for me. I checked my phone and discovered it was already 4:30, and not a single soul had come by.

The next hour seemed to drag on endlessly, with only six visitors…our former chef and housekeeper, two neighborhood ladies that my mother couldn’t stand, Barty, and Reverend Thompson, who indicated that he always turned out for such things when he was officiating the at the funeral. Barty, who’d apparently been Anne’s lawyer for years before she relocated to California for the second time, lingered, pulling a chair over and sitting beside her so they could catch up.

By 5:45 I thought we were in the clear, but moments later the yelling started. It was distant, but I knew immediately who it was. Lord knows I’d heard his voice at that volume often enough throughout the course of our relationship. I couldn’t make out all of what he was saying, but I did hear ‘fucking cunt’ and ‘does she think she is’ quite distinctly. Tom was engaged in conversation with Anne and Barty, and he paid me no mind when I got to my feet. Boots echoed down the hallway, thumping on the hardwood floors, and then there he was, in the doorway and storming through it, headed straight for me.

I laughed out loud when I took in his appearance…I’d forgotten how short he was, barely as tall as me when I was in bare feet and he was wearing shoes, and I was reasonably sure that I’d tower over him in my three inch heels. He’d put on at least fifty pounds, belly hanging over the top of his jeans, black and white Nirvana T-shirt two sizes too small. His hair still hung long, midway down his back, but his hairline had receded more than halfway on the sides above his temples, leaving nothing but a tufty grey-streaked strip running down the middle of his head. The jeans were filthy, his tan work boots shabby and unlaced, and a plaid flannel was tied around what passed for his waist, partially invisible under his protruding stomach. Other than the weight gain and the hair loss, he looked pretty much the same as when I’d left…meaning, those might just be the same exact fucking clothes he’d worn for days at a time seventeen years ago. Hopefully he’d laundered them at some point.

As he drew closer I realized he really didn’t look the same at all…his complexion was ashen, eyes bloodshot with dark circles under them, skin wrinkled and leathery, lips cracked and chapped. He was speaking, pointing a finger in my face, but I couldn’t hear him, my only focus intent on the amount of dirt underneath his fingernail. I suppressed a gag as the fact that I’d slept with this disgusting piece of shit rose to the surface of my mind. As I pushed the thought away his voice, southern accent as thick as ever, became clear.

“…show your ugly face in this town, sneakin’ behind my back and tryin’ to take what’s MINE. But I FOUND OUT, because I KNOW PEOPLE and I got told YOU were there Monday with your fag actor boyfriend and that there was a fuckin’ realtor car there yesterday…you can’t fuckin’ SELL it, it’s MY house now…”

I squared my shoulders as my arm shot out, hand wrapping around his hairy wrist and squeezing tightly, voice icy and dripping with condescension.

“If you plain on retaining possession of that particular digit I’d strongly advise you to cease waving it in my face.”

An expression of surprise crossed his countenance briefly and was quickly replaced with rage. He tried to twist away from me, but my own rage had tightened my grip well beyond my ordinary level of strength, to the point where tears began to well up in his eyes from the pain. I let go, smirking.

His hands dropped to his sides, balled into fists. “You ain’t gonna do another goddamn THING until we see a LAWYER, Maude. I want what’s MINE.”

I crossed my arms. “I’m sorry…what do you mean, you want what’s yours? NOTHING is yours. She died intestate.”

He stomped his foot. “I don’t care what the fuck it was that killed her…all that matters is she’s dead, and she left me everything. It says so in her will.” He whipped a stained, dog-eared sheaf of papers out of his back pocket, unfolded them and tapped his finger to the front page. “Right fuckin’ HERE.”

I’d heard Barty snicker at his reply to my intestate comment, and I could feel the fiendish grin spreading across my face. Granted, there weren’t as many people present as I would have liked for the show, but I was going on with it anyway.

I rolled my eyes. “Intestate means without a will, you fucking moron. Which, in turn, according to the laws of the great state of Louisiana, means that everything goes to ME, not YOU. And it was the booze that killed her…technically alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver, but I think I’ve already exceeded your fifty-cent word limit for the day, so let’s just leave it at booze.”

He screamed and waved the papers in my face. “I HAVE THE WILL RIGHT HERE, YOU STUPID BITCH!”

Mrs. Henderson popped her head out and asked if everything was all right…I nodded and waved her away, and Anne got up and followed her into the adjoining room.

I shook my head. “Shut up and listen very carefully, William. After you left town with wife number three, Mary filed a statement with her attorney revoking all existing wills and codicils after marking the most recent one VOID. That’s the one you keep waving around there, by the way. She knew you had a copy, and she wanted to make sure you got precisely jack shit.”

He took a step forward, snarling. “YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ LIAR!”

Barty stood up and walked to my side. “Mr. Bonaventura, I’m Bartholomew Stevens, Mary Bonaventura’s attorney.” He pulled a document out of his inner jacket pocket. “Here’s a notarized copy of her revocation statement as well as the will she marked void. You’ll find it’s identical to the one you already have in your possession. Ms. Gallagher is 100% correct. The entire contents of the estate passes directly to her as the only surviving child. Go ahead and take those to your own lawyer and he’ll tell you the same.” As he went back to sit next to Tom he winked at me, and I wanted to kiss him.

I could see Will’s wheels turning, trying to figure out how he could get something out of this. I dove in before he could speak.

“Sorry asshole, no payday for you. Guess it’s time to find another cash cow to milk, especially since your most recent one’s run dry as well.” His eyes widened. “Yeah. I know. Took me a while, I’ll give you that, but all the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place. You dragged me to Vegas and got me blackout drunk so I’d marry you because you thought I was rolling in dough. When you found out my mother was the one with all the money, you started fucking her and she fell for your bullshit hook, line and sinker. Once hers ran out, you latched on to Anna Beth. Rinse, lather, repeat.”

He took a step forward. “You begged me to marry you. You said you loved me. And you sure fucked me like you did.”

Without pausing to consider the consequences of my actions, I leaned back, made a fist and swung, hitting him square on the mouth. His head flew to the side, blood spraying from where I’d split his lip.

“The only reason I ever fucked you AT ALL was because I was DRUNK, you worthless piece of shit. My heart had just been torn from my chest not once, but TWICE, and I couldn’t face the pain. You were nothing more than a convenient excuse so I could tell myself I was an ARTIST who liked to party, not a raging alcoholic. I NEVER loved you. And you knew it. And that’s why you tricked me into marrying you, abused me, belittled me, accused me of cheating and played all your other mind fuck games. That and the fact that you didn’t want me to notice that you were fucking MY MOTHER before you were certain she was all yours.”

He lunged at me, and I saw Tom stand up out of the corner of my eye as I grabbed Will by the shoulders, kneed him in the balls, then shoved him backward. I motioned for Tom to sit back down as I steadied myself, balancing on one heel even just for a few seconds having thrown me off balance. His eyes narrowed, but he complied.

Will was doubled over, and I bent down, got close and screamed in his face. “It’s bad enough that you’ve done this all your life, grifting and sponging off everyone else because you’re too fucking lazy to get an actual JOB and won’t let your stupid dream of hitting it big because you’re such a great guitar player DIE, but now you have CHILDREN who are COUNTING ON YOU to PROVIDE FOR THEM. Newsflash, fucktard. You’re too fat, too bald and too old for anyone in the industry to even look twice at you, and your guitar playing is mediocre at best. The only reason your band was popular back in the day was because of ME. People came to hear ME sing, not to hear YOU play. And that always burned your ass too, didn’t it? I hope it still does. Every fucking day.”

He stood upright as best he could, arms still clutching his stomach, staring at me like he had no idea who I was.

“This didn’t turn out quite the way you expected, did it? Sorry to disappoint, but the coward of a girl I was when you knew me…the one who let you walk all over her and treat her like she was worthless and stupid…she’s been dead for years, Will. Her father blowing his brains out killed her drunk ass off and a goddess took her place.” I pointed at my chest with my thumb. “This, this is the REAL me. The me that’s going to pay off the mortgage on my crazy fucking mother’s house so I can sell it later for a huge profit. The me that’s going to sell every single fucking thing that’s in it, too. Your toys, your instruments, every piece of equipment in the recording studio, her shit, ALL OF IT. And would you like to know what I’m going to do with the proceeds? Of course you would. I’m donating every single penny to a crisis organization for victims of domestic violence, the Metropolitan Center for Women and Children, right here in New Orleans. Appropriate, don’t you think? It won’t make up for any of what you’ve done to me, or to Anna Beth, but it will surely help a LOT of women move on from their OWN Wills, and it’ll absofuckingloutely put a smile on MY face every time I think of how much my doing it pissed you off.”

The staring continued, his eyes wide with shock.

I waved my hands at him in dismissal. “We’re done here. Time to go back to whatever hole you crawled out of. And do not, under any circumstances, show up here tomorrow for the service OR at the cemetery. Unless you want me to kick your sorry ass some more, that is.”

His brow furrowed, and I couldn’t help but notice how much he resembled a Neanderthal. He turned and walked slowly toward the doorway, then looked back at me, the fire still gone from his eyes but unwilling to let me have the last word.

“This ain’t over. You’ll be hearin’ from my lawyer, you fat fuckin’ cunt.”

I laughed. “Looked in the mirror lately, Will? Fat cunt is a much more appropriate description of YOUR appearance these days, not mine. I’ll be waiting with baited breath for your attorney’s call. In the meantime, get the fuck out of here.” He didn’t move until I took a step in his direction, then finally exited the room and stomped down the hall.

I remained in place for several moments, rewinding and replaying it all in my head. A smile spread across my face, so huge and wide that it was almost painful. I turned around to see everyone standing, eyes on me. Barty, Anne, who I had no idea had come back into the room, and…Tom. He’s the one who began applauding first, and the others joined in immediately.

I held up my hands in a stop gesture. “You should NOT be rewarding this kind of behavior, folks. Where’s Mrs. Henderson, I need to tell her how so very, very sorry I am…”

Tom strode over, embraced me, picked me up and spun me around, mouth on mine as he set me back down, sucking on my lower lip until I moaned. Barty cleared his throat and Tom released me.

He glanced in Barty’s direction and grinned sheepishly. “Sorry about that. Couldn’t help myself.” He turned back to me, whispering. “Maude…you are, indeed, a goddess. MY goddess.”

I whispered in return. “Are you going to worship me later?”

His reply was a barely audible hiss in my ear that made me shiver. “Yessss.”

Barty appeared behind Tom, clapping him on the back. “So, who’s up for some dinner at the Palm Court Jazz Café? One of my favorite haunts. The food is damn tasty…” He patted his belly. “And I enjoy it as often as I can, as you can clearly see. My treat, of course.”

Anne answered first. “Count me in. I’m in just the right mood for some jazz. And Mrs. Henderson went to make sure Will actually left the building. She said not to worry, that this kind of thing happens more often than you’d imagine, and to just leave when we we’re done and she’d take care of the rest.”

Tom met my gaze, raising an eyebrow. I nodded and spoke for both of us. “We’re in too. But it’s MY treat, Barty. You being here with those papers…epic. So, so epic.”

He laughed. “A little bird was kind enough to inform me that Mr. Bonaventura had arrived in our fine town, and I had planned on coming anyhow. Always be over-prepared…every attorney’s mantra. I’ll let you buy, darlin’. Next time’s on me, though.”

I smiled. “Fine. Why don’t you and Anne go on ahead and get us a good table?” I looked over to the casket, then back at Barty. “There’s something else I need to do here.”

He nodded, took Anne by the arm and walked her out.

Tom put his hands on the sides of my face. “Would you like some privacy?”

“I’d like you to stay, if you don’t mind.”

He nodded, then removed his hands and slid one arm around my waist as we walked up to the coffin. He let me go when I stopped to pick up my bag on the way. After staring at her face for a few moments, I took a deep breath and began to speak, knowing that my adrenaline high could slip away at any moment, leaving me a quivering, shaky mess.

“Mary. I’d call you Mom, but…you weren’t really that, were you? So Mary it is. Better than what I’d really like to call you, that’s for sure.” I reached in my bag and pulled out the brown leather box with the maroon tapestry inset that held my father’s revolver. I heard Tom inhale sharply, but he didn’t speak. “I know you left this for ME, but…I want you to have it. And you will, now, forever. Theoretically. What Dad did…in the end it was his choice, but you’re the one who betrayed his love. And what a love it was. Yet you threw it away like it was nothing, and because of that, he was already dead before he pulled the trigger. But his heart kept beating in spite of how he felt, so he had to finish the job. Anyway. None of it was my fault, and his tomb is sealed, so, here you are. A little parting gift to enjoy while you rest eternally at his side.”

I put the box down inside the coffin, below her hands and out of sight.

“All of my life, I could never understand why you didn’t love me. And I always thought it was because of something I did, or who I was. Now I know it wasn’t me at all…that’s just what you wanted me to think. The real reason you never loved me…and, scratch that…the reason you hated me was because you regretted the choices you made in your own life, and because you were jealous of me. That, at least, makes sense. Of course you were jealous. I’m everything you were never capable of being, or becoming. The best you could ever do was dress yourself up and try to look pretty enough so that no one would notice that you were nothing more than a monster in an expensive dress. I wasted so much time…my god, the TIME…feeling like I’d missed out on so much because I never really had a mother, when, in truth, the only person who missed out on anything was YOU. You had an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, funny daughter who loved you despite everything you did to her. You never got to know me, you never cared to know me, and now you never will. My love for you turned to hate long ago, but now…even that’s gone. I feel…nothing. You’re nothing. But I’m something. Because I’m still here. You did your best to destroy me, but you couldn’t. Not completely. I’m too strong for that. Stronger than you. And I’m happy. Happy with my life, and happy that you’re finally out of mine. For good. There’s no coming back from where you’ve gone. Every night the last thing on your mind before you fell asleep may have been how you wished I’d never been born, but the last thing on MY mind every night before I fall asleep is… love. So, fuck you, Mary. I win. You lose. Game over.”

I turned around and began to walk toward the doorway, but Tom stopped me.

“When did…how…”

“You used the bathroom after the real estate agent left and I snagged it. Still wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it, but…”

His arms wrapped around me, and he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You’ve left me speechless again, Maude. God, how I love you.” He pulled back, smiling softly at me. “Ready to go?”

I nodded. “Fuck yeah. I’m starving.” I paused. “And Tom…thank you, once more, for being here. And not judging me. I love you too.”

“You’re very welcome. Though I have to admit, I did, in fact, judge you.”

I shot him a look. “I’m sorry, what?”

He laughed. “I judged you. And my verdict is that you throw one mean fucking punch, woman. In heels, even.”

I slapped his upper arm. Lightly. “You know, I had no idea I could do that. It felt really, really good. TOO good. Maybe I should take up boxing.”

We walked through the doorway together, and he leaned into me. “Not a bad idea. Then you could serve as my bodyguard as well.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, Thomas, you can’t expect me to do EVERYTHING.”

He held the building door open for me, whispering seductively as I passed by him, his hand cupping one cheek of my ass. “As long as you do me, nothing else matters.”

“Shut up, Thomas. Please. Shut. Up.”

He laughed all the way to the car, finally quieting down when I distracted him by hiking my skirt more than halfway up my thighs as I sat down in the driver’s seat. Then it was my turn to laugh…until his hand found its way between them in the parking lot. And mine found its way into his pants. We were slightly more than fashionably late when we finally made it into the restaurant, but Anne and Barty were too busy dancing to notice.

#your light in the mist #chapter 21

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aimmyarrowshigh · 6 years

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Making A Galaxy Far Far Away: An Aesthetic Photoset Tutorial

Requested by @geleixi (and varying amounts of time ago by @rockett-to-the-purple-moon, @thenameisgreed, @pizzaplanethq, and probably others who sent nice messages that I went “Oh, what a nice message this means so much I LOVE IT SO MUCH I’M TOO ANXIOUS TO ANSWER IT WRONG I’ll just do it later” and then promptly NEVER answered it.)

Brainstorming & Photo Collection

Picking a Color Palette

Choosing Images from Collection

Coloring

Textures & Effects

First off: I am not even going to remotely pretend like graphic design is a Thing I Am Better At Than Anyone Else, because that would be patently false and ridiculous, but I also get a fair number of Asks about making photosets/aesthetic posts, so here we are. I’m planning to do a separate one, maybe, for how I do the Cartoon Girls All Grown Up and Nancy Drew Dream Games series, because the “brainstorming and photo collection” part is so different that it inherently affects the rest of the process.

BUT I also feel like I don’t see a ton of tutorials that go through the brainstorming/finding images part of making aesthetics, and I tend to think of my Graphics Style(TM) as “DEEPLY Uninterested in washed-out faux sepiatone grimdark Tumblr Coloring?? + Not Good Enough At Masks To Do Negative Space Well,” which might be some people’s level of ~graphics design passion(TM)~ too, so. That’s the ride for which this ticket has been bought.

Brainstorming & Photo Collection

Obviously, the specifics of this are totally different for every aesthetic, but all of the GFFA/swworlds start from the same seed: Star Wars Aesthetic.

Star Wars itself has a very particular Lookque, imo: it’s not quite retrofuture, it’s not quite dirtpunk, it’s not quite scifi, even. There are the insanely sumptuous (and hella culturally appropriative) queens of Naboo and the ramshackle toppled AT-AT where Rey lives on Jakku and the not-even-subtle-at-all-jfc Nazi inspiration of the Empire and First Order and the straight-up millennial Tumblr witch Goffik look of the Dathomir Witches and Zabrak siths and the blue, blue water of Scarif. There “isn’t” a unifying aesthetic through Star Wars, and yet, as Gareth Edwards said, there’s a LOOK and FEEL to Star Wars: if you go a little too far to the left or right, it isn’t Star Wars anymore.*

*That said, this tutorial talks about Crait, which was invented by Rilo Jon, who went both too far left and too far right but mostly... too far-right. BA DUM BUM! Anyway.

So part of what makes Star Wars Look Like Star Wars, to me, is that it ISN’T ever Too Scifi. There’s a realism in all of Star Wars’ disparate planets -- their looks, anyway; like, talking about how Crait, in this case, makes NO ecological sense as a planet AT ALL is another post entirely. (IT MAKES NO SENSE.) It’s different from, like, Doctor Who, which I think revels in its “we can make these aliens and planets look like WHATEVER” more? Star Wars tends to be very like... “we want to use practical sets and effects.” Even for planets that only appear thus far in Clone Wars and Rebels? So it’s definitely part of the intention of SW’s Aesthetic.

ALL OF THAT TO SAY, my first step with each planet is to figure out the best way to represent it using as much real-world photography as I can and how best to channel the ~spirit of Star Wars~ in the graphic. Sometimes I fail miserably. CURSE YOU, NAR SHADAA. But most of the time it helps provide a Framework for the rest of the brainstorming and photo collection.

SO. FOR CRAIT. (For another example/totally different look and process, I wrote up a little about Haruun Kal on its post here.)

Crait has the definite benefit of appearing in one of the movies, so the first part of photo collection was to screencap TLJ. I took the caps using the 1080p digital release at a 20-frame frequency, so even once I deleted the aps that weren’t of Crait (moving the Canto Bight frames into a folder for Cantonica, of course!), I had like... 1500 images just from TLJ to start the brainstorming and collection with.

First, I trimmed down those ~1500 screencaps to 168 caps that were distinct enough from one another to give me a sense of “what happens” in the scene and, more than that, “What Crait Looks Like.” Then, because there’s additional canon material of Crait besides TLJ, I saved the unlettered images of “Star Wars: The Storms of Crait” from comic penciller Mike Mayhew’s blog @mikemayhew -- if those hadn’t been available, which they’re usually not for planets that appear in the comics (THANX MIKE MAYHEW!!!), I would have taken and cropped panels from the comic at both 100% and screen-fit/60% sizing that had utility for a graphic about planet scenery and not character.

THEN, I looked at Wookieepedia and MSW. Crait was based on the Salar de Uyuni salt flats in Bolivia, so I Google image-searched that. There weren’t actually very many images of the Salar de Uyuni salt flats that I super loved, so I ended up saving images of other salt flats as well, particularly the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.

THEN there was the issue of the red minerals, which were entirely fictional and not part of any real-world salt flat. BUT, there IS real red sand... so I saved some images of red-sand dunes (mostly Mui Ne in Vietnam). I also went through my Star Wars Stock Folder to find images of crystal caves and mines that I’d either saved for other planets in the past, but didn’t end up using, OR just saved because there are so fucking many crystal-based planets in SW.

Each of my big graphics series has its own Stock Folder for unorganized images that just strike the right Vibe~ and might be useful someday, in addition to every planet (or cartoon girl, or US state for the Nancy Drews, etc) having its own folder for specific/organized image collection.

My Star Wars Stock Folder:

So there were already a lot of crystals, star destroyers, blasters, and bunkers that were actually in snow but whatever it was white and crystalline, to work with. I added some workable Crait-like images from the stock folder to Crait’s collection, too.

AND THEN, finally, I LOVE the vulptices, so I searched for (and found!) some of the concept art and 3D modeling images from ILM, and I put those in the folder, as well.

I also saved this, hoping I’d be able to make it work because it’s SO CUTE, but I couldn’t, but here LOOK HOW CUTE:

And then, lest I stay in the image-collection rabbithole forever, I said, “OK, that’s enough.” I ended up starting to actually MAKE the Crait graphic from a collection of 272 images:

Picking a Color Palette

Obviously, the dominant colors of Crait are red and white, so the aesthetic had to be based in red and white. My first instinct was to make a duotone aesthetic using only red, white, and black/grayscale. Something like this:

Which... I don’t hate, or even dislike. It’s definitely more in line with popular Tumblr aesthetic, uh, aesthetics. But I usually don’t like landing on that kind of coloring because it ALWAYS, ALWAYS whitewashes people of color (and jeez, it even whitewashes white people -- look at the model in the fourth frame down on the left, or Luke in the bottom-left.) The “vibrance -100 + Selective Color Red>Red + 100″ always ends up doing the above example to, in this case, Poe: turning him into a licorice man.

So then trying to correct THAT either whitewashes the FUCK out of him/people in general:

(Toning down the red)

Or introducing other colors back into the graphic as a whole:

(Upped yellow and cyan.)

So I nixed that coloring before I even started. (These examples were made after the fact purely to serve as examples.)

I went back to the drawing board, AKA the Crait image folder.

But looking at the collected images -- especially the screencaps and the panels from the Storms of Crait comic -- I was struck by how much Crait also incorporates yellow and blue. (Note that I really, really wanted to try to include Trusk Berinato and Bail Organa... but we’ll talk through why that didn’t work out.) I LOVE @droo216‘s bright, almost jewel-tone edits which I 100% know I don’t have either the patience or skill to make, but I liked the idea of trying to make Crait’s aesthetics in a primary colors + black/white scheme.

Which I actually really like! (Again, made post-facto as an example.) But again, red vibrance DiD tHe tHiNG!!! to Poe and ESPECIALLY to Finn and Bail.

So a high-vibrance look emphasizing bright colors was a no-go. Besides, going back to the source material: high-vibrance and high-energy are the opposite of what the planet of Crait is about. It’s a dying husk of a planet, being killed slowly by its own ecology as the salt in its crust dries out everything beneath it, sucking up water until everything either evolves into living crystal-dogs or goes extinct (thank u Rilo for not including dune-worms, this is the one thing you did right). Crait wouldn’t be vibrant.

But... aha! It’s also distinctly layered. I’ve done three-panel swworlds aesthetics before, so I decided to do that for Crait, too: first a mostly-white graphic like the salt crust, then white+red+yellows in the middle, and finally a dark layer of almost entirely red like the mineral mines.

Choosing Images from Collection

With the color palette and “feel” decided (dying at the surface, then growing richer and redder and angrier as the photoset moved downwards), I was able to choose images.

NEKKID PHOTOSETS SANS ANY EDITING! XXX! But for reference to see both cropping and for reference on choosing.

TOP IMAGE, MOSTLY WHITE:

L-R, TOP-BOTTOM:

I saved this image from my dash at some point and have been tossing it into planets’ folders every time there’s a white-based color scheme. It almost got used for Ilum, but at the last second wasn’t. I felt like it fit the coalescence of Rey’s Force strength here, and also the kind of “last wisps” of Luke Skywalker, well.

“Lifting rocks.”

I’m actually still not 100% whether I should have landed on a vulptex here, but dammit they were one of the only good parts of TLJ. This vulpie baby is on the salt surface, looking out at the blinding sun, so she seemed like a good fit compared to the other caps of vulptices -- the ones loping on the canyon surface at the end were all very motion-blurry.

Carrie in that gorgeous coat in homage to Harrison in Blade Runner makes me weepy, and those were some of the most beautiful shots in the movie. This one had a good balance of white and black, so it could be placed around any level “busyness” in the surrounding photos. Especially since I suckkkk at negative space.

I saved this image to the Crait folder like the day it was announced as a planet in the upcoming Episode VIII and given its first peek. I love it!

Hi, salt flats, and also Star Wars spaceships. I actually had a lot of trouble with the level of green in this image, but the ~essence of Star Wars is PEW PEW SPACE BATTLE, so.

This is an ice sculpture in real life! It reminds me of the vulptices and is cool as hell.

The Millennium Falcon! I toyed with different caps that showed it in actual battle, but the blue would have been hardest to work with in this photoset compared to the others below. Plus, now I can save a bunch of Falcon-in-flight pictures for use on planets that only appear in the novels or comics.

NECESSARY, ICONIC, PERFECT, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT HAPPENED ON CRAIT.

Fine, this is a snowy mountain and not a salt flat, but I liked the striations in color and gentle variations in grayscale.

This was the palest/least Bright Blue sky of all of the Falcon screencaps from Crait.

I tried a few screencaps of Crait from TLJ, but I landed on using the full-panel image of Crait from Storms of Crait. It has the cleanest definition of the “planet from space” options we have of Crait.

This is a promo image, not a screencap. It’s a much crisper view of the ski-speeders. I love the vivid color difference.

The blue-and-yellow additions to the color scheme didn’t work out, but I did still want to include Storms of Crait. This shot had a little more blue in it than I would have liked, but it has Leia in a ski-speeder back before the salt caused them to rust out, too!

Remember when it seemed like the Crait battle’s new AT-ATs would be super cool and like, do more than stand there menacingly behind Kyle? Me, too.

POE! DAMERON! HAS! NEVER! DONE! ANYTHING! WRONG! IN! HIS! LIFE!

KYLE! HAS! ONLY! EVER! DONE! WRONG! IN! HIS! LIFE!

I tried out like five different tiny-frame-difference screencaps of the ski-speeders kicking up red minerals, and I decided that this one, with a clearly defined spray of red surrounded by white and bluish sky, suited the placement here best: there’s red in the panel to its left as the main color, but minimal red in the above- and below panels.

I wanted to include actual Connix, but she’s wearing yellow and only ever shows up surrounded in brownish-black darkness, so here, have one of my standard Fashion Rebel Officer Stand-Ins instead -- the red and white obviously played a part in picking this shot over the rest of the options from the photoshoot.

I LOVE this slightly mystical shot of a Rebel pilot slash astronaut on a rain-slicked salt flat. How perfect?!

As we get down to the bottom of this middle panel, I wanted to include more destruction and more presence of yellow and orange. This image has a good balance of “negative space” in the sky and salt flat, and then the explosion of Nodin Chavri’s ski-speeder (I think?) ties in well to...

Finn and Rose, post-collision. I wanted to include Rose, and the almost JJ Abrams-esque white starburst in the center of this cap is a good balance to the spray of red around a ski-speeder two panels above.

Luke on Crait in the Rebel Alliance...

And Luke on Crait in the Resistance.

This was a kind of “????” moment of characterization -- and general direction -- in TLJ, but Luke surrounded by red as an old man would fall right below Luke as a young man, on his first mission after the Battle of Yavin, when the three graphics were aligned.

I wanted to use the straight-up concept art of the vulptex, but the black around it was TOO black, if that makes sense? So I layered it over a darkened cap of the vulptex who leads Poe to Rey and freedom. This is one of the very rare shots that I use an edited base image.

Han and Chewie! I had to include Han and Chewie. The unlettered panels from Storms of Crait that show the mineral mines are stunning; I highly recommend heading over to Mike Mayhew’s page and taking a look. The detailing of the crystals is something I wish I could have captured better at this scale.

This is one of the red-sand dunes I saved! Crait doesn’t have any living vegetation, but the drama of the black, stormy sky and the red sand drew me in here.

Some CGI crystal caves... I saved these ages ago for use on Ilum or Dantooine, I think? (Same with what will be #11 below.) I don’t love using CGI, but I think the crags on these crystal growths suited the images from canon!Crait.

A screencap of the TIEs chasing the Falcon through the mines. This was honestly one of the most visually stunning parts of TLJ, and it’s so split-second that most people missed it AND most of the screencaps have a lot of motion-blur. I’m really pleased that this one came out so crisp, and I knew I had to use it as an “anchor image.”

Finn, full-on, in red. I’m realizing belatedly as I write up this tutorial that I showed Poe face-on and Finn face-on, but I stupidly chose to show Rey only from a distance. I AM A FOOL! A FOOL!

Aren’t these resin crystals amazing? The full-size image actually shows them surrounded by snow, by the tree-stump they’re on wouldn’t fit Crait, so I cropped in closer on this image than I did for most of the Crait set.

Another shot of the Falcon in the mines. I like the way the framing of white sunlight here echoes...

Leia’s face, a bright spot in the dark, watching out over the salt flat. :(

(See #5 above!)

And again, the homage of Carrie’s coat looking like Harrison in Blade Runner made me sad, so I THREW IN ANOTHER HAN AND CHEWIE. The mining equipment here shows more detail than in the screencaps above, too.

Coloring

Like I mentioned waaaay above, in the intro: I never use set colorings for photosets. (Except Halloween Spookstravaganza, because jeez so many of those screencaps are like 240p VHS rips and it’s just not worth putting in Effort(TM).)

That said, I think one thing that I do differently than I see in most tutorials is this first step:

I ALWAYS start Aesthetic photosets by arranging the images and then *BRINGING THE CONTRAST ALL THE WAY DOWN.* This is especially helpful on photosets that include a mix of real photography, CGI screencaps or art, and/or comics panels, but it’s also just useful in general for photosets that use images from a wide variety of places.

The reason I do this is because it helps to “smooth out” the differences in light source, color balance, etc., that are part of the raw base images. For this set, it also helps to define the variations in color between very similar shades: the craters on Crait, the wisps of clouds, etc.

In some cases, I’ll do two layers of Contrast -50. For Crait, I did a later of Contrast -50 and then a layer of Contrast -15.

Then, I Select All > Copy Merged > [Turn Off Contrast Layer View] > Paste As New Layer.

Now, the “smoothed” version is placed as a layer above the raw layer. From there, it depends on the look of the photoset what I do -- sometimes, I leave it as-is, but I almost always lower the opacity on the “smoothed” layer until the level of contrast and balance looks consistent across the whole photoset. For Crait, I ended up with the “smoothed” layer set to Lighten 100%.

Selective Color time. There are two ways I usually start this: either one color at a time -- especially for Aesthetics like Pheryon that will essentially be monochromatic -- or, in this case, I looked at the balance of the three main colors that would carry through the entire Aesthetic.

REDS

Cyan -100 (This brightens the vivacity of the red.) Magenta +100 Yellow +100 Black +35

BLACKS

Cyan 0 Magenta 0 Yellow 0 Black +100

WHITES

Cyan 0 Magenta 0 Yellow 0 Black +100 -- This is NOT my usual setting for adjusting white, and since white is one of the main colors in the Crait Aesthetic, it might seem counterintuitive to make the white darker instead of brighter. However, this will help to make next step of color adjustments “take” on the white/whitish surfaces a lot more easily, and it will also help to balance out the bluish sky areas with the white background areas. (I’m not sure this explanation makes sense? But it’s what I did.)

Then, I Select All > Copy Merged > [Turn Off Selective Color Layer View] > Paste As New Layer > Either COLOR or HUE 100%.

“Hue” is more effective for smaller, more incremental color adjustments -- for BIG SWEEPING COLOR CHANGES, “Color” tends to work better. But it totally depends on the photoset! Try both, and see which you like better.

I feel like this is kind of the step where my process of making aesthetics stops being any different from most tutorials -- but this has been HUGELY helpful for me, a non-graphic designer-person, to be able to create a kind of “base image” that has very similar color values, brightness/contrast, and vibrance.

Sometimes this step helps to create really extreme color differences, such as in the Raydonia Aesthetic, and other times, I use it to just adjust one or two color-values so that there’s more consistency in, say, shades of yellow or shades of green, as in the Takodana Aesthetic, for which I just wanted to create a more cohesive palette of green in particular... it started out with a zillion greens, and I wanted to bring it all together into one “aesthetic.”

I think this step, and the reasoning behind it, are why SO MANY PSDs for aesthetics rely on a layer of either gray or sepiatone-ish set to Darken or Multiply as one of their key layers. But I’m just not about the grimdark life, and if I’m making an AESTHETIC OF A THING, I want the aesthetic POST to actually HAVE THAT THING’S AESTHETICS, you know?! I want to use the colors of the thing that I’m saying is meant to evoke the visuals of the thing!

Anyway. Now you have your BASE IMAGE. Often I’ll Merge All here, just for my own sanity.

Then I go in and make any other other adjustments on a “coloring” level that I think will help with the “vibe” I’m going for! For this Crait set, I definitely needed to bring the brightness up so that the white and red popped. However, bringing up the brightness also swallowed a lot of the detail in the white surfaces -- especially the planetary surface of Crait in that bottom-right space -- so I decreased the contrast again.

Brightness +70 Contrast -50

And then I go in for the macro-level adjustments of color using any mix of Selective Color, Hue/Saturation, and Color Balance that works. For Crait, that was more Selective Color, because since I had decided on my color palette, and it sadly did not include blue, I needed to start by taking out as much of the blue, cyan, and green that I could.

And I’m ngl, I told myself the WHOLE FREAKING TIME I was making this photoset that I needed NOT TO DELETE THE PSD RIGHT AWAY LIKE I USUALLY DO so that I could write up all the settings for this step.

But it was a reflex. And I deleted the PSD right away like I always do.

So suffice to say, I just futzed with the levels one at a time until the RED was brought up a little, the YELLOW was brought up a lot, and everything else was brought down and/or hue-adjusted to sliiiide into being yellow, red, or black/white.

Another Select All > Copy Merged > [Turn Off Selective Color Layer View] > Paste As New Layer > Either COLOR or HUE 100%. I think I also DUPLICATED this layer and set it to SOFT LIGHT 50% and then duplicated it again to SCREEN 50%.

I could have left it like this, but I am me and I am nothing if not Extra All The Time, so I opened up my folder of light textures (and other textures) and decided to Go To Town.

Textures & Effects

For your Aesthetic-Making Purposes, here are the three I used on the Crait set:

The first two were set to Screen 100%, and the bottom one was set to Burn 15%. I layered them in this order.

It still looked incomplete, so I decided to use this POWDR Element from Creative Market, which is actually like 5400x5400 pixels and which I’m not going to share here because I paid for it and don’t want CM to revoke my access or whatever, but it looks like this, only HUGE:

I also set this element to Burn 15% and moved it around the image until it looked the way I wanted it.

Textures and effects aren’t In on Tumblr anymore, but I really like using them -- they add, not to be cheesier than usual, texture to an aesthetic post, and I think that they can also help less-skilled graphic-makers like me to hide any myriad of imperfections in coloring, sharpening, whatever. I’m an especially big fan of this noise element (set as a pattern on Screen), so I’m going to share it here even though I didn’t use it on the Crait set:

Most of my textures have been saved over the last literally twenty years since I started making fannish graphics and photosets, largely from defunct old LiveJournals, but there also used to some great sources for them on Tumblr and still are live sources for them on DeviantArt. Just search around and you’ll find what you want! :)

In conclusion, I think it’s infinitely more fun NOT to rely on premade PSDs or standardized Settings, but I also recognize and fully respect that if I made graphics differently, I would probably get easily 5-10x more notes on each post than I do. But I make graphics the way that’s fun for me, and I just try to learn a little something from every set I make. The GFFA Planets/swworlds in particular have been something that I started, originally, because I wanted to catch up and learn about Star Wars planets that I felt like I was missing because I don’t have any fannish history with the Old EU, and I wanted to learn about them in a way that helped me feel like I was engaging with the SW source material AND making the enormity of the canon more accessible to other newish or casualish fans, like I was two years ago when I started this aesthetic series. I like making aesthetics that are genuinely inspired by the aesthetic of the thing that I’m calling it an aesthetic of, so even when it ends up just looking like rainbow barf (CURSE YOU, NAR SHADDAA!!!) I’m having fun.

THAT SAID, here’s how the time breakdown for the Crait set works out:

TOTAL TIME INCLUDING IMAGE COLLECTION AND SCREENCAPPING: Est. 20 hours.

COLORING AND ACTUAL GRAPHIC-MAKING PART: 7 hours.

WRITING UP THIS TUTORIAL: 5 hours.

So, um, if you are so inclined, here is my Ko-Fi link. I post at least two graphic sets every week, sometimes up to 25 (usually during October).

I hope this was helpful at all! I had a good time thinking about my process in-depth like this, and I would love to get tagged in any aesthetics you might try making using a similar method! :)

#**#*g #*swworlds #|franchise| star wars #*star #25 #**fav

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thedogsled · 7 years

Text

This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.

This episode was like Castiel, it literally wouldn’t let me sleep. I woke up still screaming from last night because omfgsoshookwtfwtf, but hopefully the rest of this will make more sense. This will ultimately be a “Destiel of it all” sort of post, so bear with me if that’s what you’re here for.

I was thinking about how often meta writers have to defend the ‘We’re not psychic don’t ask us to speculate’ thing, which from the perspective of all involved just sucks. If something doesn’t go as predicted then two things often happen: the reader ends up disappointed, and the meta writer gets it rubbed in their face. That sucks. But the thing is that particularly after episodes like last night’s, readers are going to be more convinced than ever that meta writers can see the future, and I wanted to go through some of the reasons why just so that you’re all on the same page about it.

By reading into the meta, meta writers observe the trends of both how the writers write, how they engage the audience in text and subtext, how the visual effects and everything else comes together to produce a storyline, and how parallels tie us into the present day. When you start with the premise that “every story is about Sam and Dean or Sam or Dean in some way” which PTB have stated in the past, then untangling what those stories mean about our boys makes perfect sense, and that’s what meta writers do. So Bloodlines? Was about our boys. That episode where Dean and Sam work Rufus and Bobby’s old case? Was about our boys. It’s all about Sam and Dean (and when it’s not, it’s about the people closest to them ftr).

Now a lot of it I will give you is that if you throw out enough words some of them will stick. It’s almost inevitable; there’s only so many stories you can tell, especially if you consider that the characters are going to be who they are. That’s helpful. That’s where reading character and subtext really comes in. When you’re complimenting a fanfiction writer on how IC their characters are, you’re complimenting their read of a character on screen. A good empathic reader will be able to generally predict how a character will act in a given situation because they’re following the general trend of their storyline and know how they deal with similar situations in the past (especially with such a huge canon to draw from as SPN).

Let me talk about 13x04, though, because we were screeching with delight all the way through it. I hate to say “I told you so” but... And while you read the following I want you to think – with an open mind - about this question: If meta writers were right about all of this based on our read of the text/subtext then maybe they’re not wrong about Destiel.

P.S. this is an instinctual first read, I haven’t even had a chance to rewatch the episode yet, and through conversation I expect I’ll change my mind here and there.

Under the cut because it’s HUGE

The Empty

Prediction: The Empty is the place where all angels go when they die. Castiel will face himself in the Empty. He will struggle with his past experiences, all the wrong he’s done and overcome it through force of will. He may have to confront his feelings for Dean in some way. The word love may come up. An act of free will – a choice to return – will set him free.

A handful of counter predictions: Cas will face someone else in the Empty. Jack will be the one to get Cas out. Cas will face all the other facets of himself. Cas will be the only thing in the Empty.

What we had to go on: A couple of interviews in which Misha mentioned how weird (and completely different to other things he’s done on SPN so far) the work he did for the Empty was, how boring it was, that he worked with another actor (and that the actor was handsome); Castiel’s depression arc; Jack can’t get him out; the tiniest flash in the promo after 13x03 of Godstiel and a gooey black figure. This is a show about choice and free will, not magic powers saving the day (look at the season 11 finale)

What we got: The Empty is the place when angels and demons go to when they die. Castiel faces himself in the Empty but it is in fact an ancient spirit older than God who just wants a nap. He’s forced to live out his past experiences, all the wrong he’s done, and overcomes it through force of will. He is forced to confront his feelings, the word love comes up, and he chooses to return to Earth.

To sum up: The show gives us some surprises, Misha trolls with us, but ultimately we get what we expect and meta writers look psychic.

Sam Winchester’s Emotions

Prediction: Sam Winchester has feelings too. He is struggling in particular with the loss of Mary, and the reason why it’s predominately on his mind more than Cas is because he’s grieving her more than Dean. Sam is better at hiding what he feels, but he is hurting right now, and sooner or later we’ll see it. Probably in an episode that’s all about grief… In addition: Sam’s treatment of Jack is not healthy, and recalls Ruby’s training of Sam in a lot of creepy ways, and sooner or later someone has to call him on it. The way he’s treating Jack is due to his feelings about Mary and about himself.

Counter predictions: Sam Winchester’s feelings are more important than Dean’s, also he is totally right about Jack, and about his approach to Jack’s training etc. and nothing will go wrong with putting that much pressure on what is essentially a small child.

What we had to go on: 12 fucking seasons of Sam Winchester acting tough on the outside, needling Dean viciously about his emotions, and only sharing his own after he makes Dean crack. 12 seasons of Sam putting practicality before himself. 12 seasons of the boys bottling things up while you scream at them until you’ve had enough and they’ve had enough and they have a big fight and briefly go their separate ways. Have you watched them? Also: every time Mary was in the room Sam wanted to get closer to her physically since he couldn’t manage it emotionally. He never knew his mother, but Mary didn’t know him either, and Sam is much more a stranger to her than Dean is. Mary connects with Dean, and it’s Dean who gets to settle things with her in her nightmare world, and Sam is feeling a loss that he’s felt his entire life. Basically all Sam’s MOL arc.

What we got: Sam needled Dean about his grief, and then Sam fucking lost it. This was a surprise to half the audience who for some reason didn’t see it coming. And you know what Sam did after he lost it? He went back into hunter mode like it was out of style and went after the monster. That’s my boy.

To sum up: We don’t talk enough about Sam, but you know what? I feel most of us (unless we were somehow oblivious to Sam doing anything more than caring for the nougat and being Good) knew that Sam stuff was coming. Sam doesn’t have less emotions than Dean, he just has them differently.

Jack Kline misses his mother and other stories

Prediction: Jack is all alone in the world and he misses his mother. He is genuinely scared of Dean. He still thinks Sam is using him. He thinks Dean is going to kill him and wants to earn his approval/wants Dean to like him. He just wants to be a real boy and play video games and watch tv. He will learn to use his powers more. Jack will be the boys’ intern (dig the grave) and be integral in dealing with the monster of the week. Jack is more human than Dean thinks and more monster than Sam thinks. He thinks he’s going to become a monster, but he’ll get to choose.

What we had to go on: Jack’s growth so far. Promo photos. Alexander’s interviews etc. etc. And the theme of this season which is “we can choose who we want to be”.

Other predictions: ……….were there any?

What we got: Totally owned it. On top of that we got a monster who was choosing to be good and doing good, who came into an episode ostensibly about ghosts and made it an episode 100% not about ghosts. I was surprised and delighted. And that monster shapeshifted into Jack’s mom and hugged him and told him he could be anyone he wanted to be. Also Anakin Skywalker references but I saw that coming 500 years ago.

To sum up: I love this kid and I love his storyline and what he reflects in Sam and Dean. Just like Sam, he misses his mom, and just like Dean, he misses Cas. What more can you ask for?

Dean Winchester is a Dick

Prediction: Dean, who is feeling the loss of his love, is acting a lot like John when he lost Mary. Dean is in grieving and not handling it well. He’s throwing his rage around and it’s not making him or the people around him – who are also grieving – feel better. He’s being a dick. He will realize this at some point (either by grief counsellor or Sam’s needling) and start trying to work past it. He’ll also acknowledge that maybe the nougat isn’t all bad and start to like him a little bit (will need to acknowledge him somehow and put to rest the idea that he will turn around and kill him the second he knows how).

What we had to go on: How Dean has acted so far, and the general idea that the situation as it is is unsustainable. We as an audience needed Dean to start moving past his grief because it’s too hard to watch. We also had the recent interview tease that Sam and Dean’s perspectives on Jack would be flipping, and all of the callbacks and parallels that we’ve had to John so far this season.

Other predictions: DEAN ISN’T A DICK. DEAN IS NOT JOHN. STFU. Also Sam is the more emotional brother??? Er, and of course Dean can do no wrong and he is 100% right about his treatment of Jack and his delivery of the threat to kill him.

What we got: Sam said that Dean is acting like John and Dean asked if that was such a bad thing. Dean opened up about some of his feelings and triggered Sam’s outburst, he also acknowledged his anger, said out loud that he’s being a dick, exposed how bad a place he’s in emotionally, and acknowledged what his anger is doing to Jack. He let the nougatty goodness into his heart, and still suitably wary or not, he gave the kid a chance. He also made it clear that his pain is not all about Mary, because Sam who was more upset about Mary was freed up emotionally by talking about her with the grief counsellor while Dean is still not in a good place and as much as says so, with a direct “I have no faith” parallel right before a screen flip to Castiel getting out of the Empty when Cas is the one who introduced Dean to the nebulous idea of “faith” in the first place.

Other things predicted that happened:

Sam and Dean resolved their dispute

Sam and Dean flipped opinions on Jack and Mary by finally listening to each other and taking each other’s opinions/feelings/instinct into account

More INCREDIBLE PARALLELS signed sealed and delivered

Jack is getting happier

The real unfettered Castiel loves nature

Mention of unrequited love?!?!

Post depression: “A brand new you” + new coat and new tie + SUNSHINE

idk some other stuff this episode was packed

A caveat about meta writers, Castiel and Destiel:

We get excited too. We’re human and we’re excited for potential things that don’t happen too. Now while it became very clear that this would be an episode about motherhood a few days ago, for weeks we’ve been talking about just how nice it would be if Dean acknowledged his pain for Cas somehow too. But you know what? That wasn’t this episode, and that’s okay.

What isn’t okay is rubbing it in people’s faces and saying ‘haha Dean doesn’t care about Cas’ because bro, we’ve had three episodes where it was all about Cas. The thing was, Cas was in this episode (and not just because he was literally in this episode). He filled all the negative space. He is the source of Dean’s anger, which they were about to address when the monster of the week decided that their counselling session had run out of time.

Castiel was there, and I know for sure some of the folks around here will show you just how much in the coming week.

Did we want the counsellor to change into Cas too? Mm. Me personally no, because Dean’s grief doesn’t work like that. He’s not about to accept a replacement for Cas or his Mom. And hug the shapeshifter who may or may not (on her word alone) want to belly stab him? That would never happen; he wouldn’t let down his guard like that. So say I, but I’m sure there will be a heartbreaking coda where I get to read all about it so maybe my opinion will change.

Did I want him to talk about it? In retrospect no. Look, I’d love for a magic bullet to put Sam on the same page as Dean about Cas but actually…I’m quite happy with the subtext as it is. Dean talking about Cas with someone he doesn’t know out of the blue like that would cheapen it for me. Hell, in some ways I want Sam to work out and put a name to Dean’s love for Cas himself, because I think he’s the only person who can convince Dean that it’s alright.

So about Destiel. If you’ve been keeping up then this episode should be a primer for what meta writers are capable of extrapolating from a story based on where it’s been in the past, how storywriting works and what the characters are like. Now, if that can be accomplished for one episode, and we have all these clues to years of subtext between Dean and Castiel, then I have to ask you: do you believe us yet? And if not, why not? What key piece is missing at this point?

The thing is we look at the story, we look at the negative space, the cinematography, the tropes, and this bell is ringing noisily in our heads, train whistled and fangirl screams and all the rest of it: HERE COMES THE DESTIEL TRAIN! It’s impossible to ignore. It’s so impossible to ignore it makes people who’ve never seen the canon think they’re in love, it makes people who come into the show determined not to be swept away by Destiel see it anyway, and it makes members of the GA shift in their seat and go “There’s something weird about Dean and Cas right?”

So please. If you’re still not convinced that this show is going to go there, do me one small favour. Okay ‘small’ is a little off the mark, but. Go back and watch parts of the show again, but instead of watching it determined to ignore Dean’s feelings for Cas, watch for those moments instead. Watch it because you want to see it there: watch Dean stare through the Gas N Sip window at his friend; watch Dean’s face after April kills him; watch him stare into a mirror and try and remember Castiel’s name; watch Cas offer to die for him just so Dean doesn’t have to do it alone; watch as even Lucifer calls Dean out on the way he calls Cas’ name; feel the tension in the room where Dean shoves Cas back across the room and stares at his goddamn mouth; watch him mourn and mourn and mourn and pray and beg for his friend back.

Meta readers read what’s there. They aren’t psychic, they aren’t making predictions, and occasionally they’ll be wrong. But maybe, just maybe, we’re not wrong about this.

I believe, Dean. I believe.

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maiji · 6 years

Photo

Process and wip images for A House That Holds Long Limbs

You can read the pages for part 1 here (full complete version will be linked from YYH North Bound master post whenever it’s done.)

Every so often I get questions about how I work, and I also enjoy reading about how other creators make things, so perhaps this might be interesting and useful to somebody out there too. I’ve talked about my process before but never really documented and shared it WHILE working on a project, so here you can see some of my thinking and decision-making (and poor habits lol) a bit more immediately, alongside screenshots, photos and scans.

Very long, everything is below the cut, and apologies to people on mobile and anywhere else this goofs up.

One question I get a lot is “do you start with words or pictures when creating a comic?” I jump between both a lot. That said, I tend to lean more heavily on words when documenting ideas in the early stages of a project. This is because, for me:

Words pack a lot of punch in conveying detail quickly. They work better when I need to quickly communicate something extremely specific to future me. I’m a sloppy drawer, so my sketches tend to make future me squint and go, “What the hell was this supposed to be?!”

A great deal of my thinking and planning is done during crowded commutes. It’s more convenient to jot notes on my phone than to whip out my sketchbook and a pen.

(For a while I thought it’d be awesome to have some sort of app where I can type notes AND have an accompanying thumbnail sketch, and be able to drag them around or break them out into more or fewer pages. At one point years ago I thought about creating a custom app... but ultimately too lazy/busy and my current process works well enough. If anyone wants to take this idea and run with it, please feel free to do so and just let me know about it so I can try it haha.)

I usually start with a few lines summarizing the gist of the idea, enough that’s recognizable and I don’t forget the important things to build off from. From there, I start point-form outlining the stuff that needs to happen, structuring them into key scenes/parts. These scenes are not always fleshed out in order - I just add to them whenever I have ideas for that part.

Long Limbs, for example, had a progression like this:

Overall story idea: “horror story with rokurokubi, key plot point(s) happens, the end.” (There was a bit more detail than this, obviously, but we’re avoiding spoilers here.)

Initial description for Part 1 of the story: “Hokushin lured to go to somewhere. Separated from Raizen. HOW??????”

After letting it simmer for while, a solution: “Hokushin annoyed at Raizen. Opportunity for him to get away and go do his own thing.”

Gradually more detail: “Stranger invites him to go to this place to look into something/maybe has a paid job that needs to be done and Raizen is busy goofing off or whatever.”

Problem. I couldn’t resolve this chain of thought to my satisfaction. What kind of task/job can someone convince Hokushin to do on his own when he doesn’t know this person/it seems questionable? And how long will the conversation need to run to establish this as believable?

This was starting to get convoluted and I was getting annoyed because it was turning into a burden in being able to continue the story AND IT WASN’T EVEN THAT IMPORTANT. I decided to abandon this path of thinking, and left the entire story for a while.

Much later (like months?), I had an idea: “Mysterious person drops something, piques Hokushin’s curiosity.” Aha! Hokushin’s own initiative. Simple and plausible enough. HOORAY NO MORE THINKING. LET’S DRAW.

Then I realized, oh shoot, I need to figure out who this mysterious person is and what they dropped. More time passes. And so on… in between I’m always working on other things, so there’s no real creator’s block - at some point I start thinking about this comic again, and ideas work themselves out to some decent level of satisfaction and link together. Thanks subconscious!

Eventually, enough key scenes are fleshed out that I feel confident enough to turn this into a real thing. At present, for example, not all scenes in Long Limbs are totally worked out, but I’ve got enough that I ran ahead with Part 1.

Screenshot of the Google Docs notes/script for Part 1:

This is a close-to-final version. The === on top is just to separate this from notes on other stories or ideas. This is the beginning of the document, but this document actually includes many other notes and stories for North Bound. I delete them as I finish and post the pages. Every so often I wonder if I should bother keeping them, but they’ve been refined throughout the process and usually don’t bear much resemblance to the original jotted notes anymore. Long Limbs was originally planned to be a later story in North Bound, but I got especially excited about it and fleshed it out further than the others. When I reviewed the earlier stories, I didn’t think there’d be a big continuity or reader experience issue if this was finished and posted first. So I moved the messy notes for this story to the top of the document.

The page breakdown for the script is done by me generally picturing in my head how I might want the scene to go and how much action I might be able to fit on the page for good effect. I’ll sometimes start paginating without thumbnails, and sometimes will do both side by side (thumbnail and update pagination in tandem).

As you might imagine, pagination frequently changes. For example, you’ll see the script above is 9 pages instead of 10.

The original script for this section was broken up into maybe 4-6 pages, with 5-7 being more condensed.

When I started thumbnailing, I found it felt too cluttered and moved too fast.

So I stretched out the part of Hokushin and the mystery girl exchanging glances, and added pages to be able to create a (hopefully) more cinematic feel and really focus on the reason they catch each other’s eye - the bandages on their necks.

I then went back to the Google Doc and updated the script to line it up better.

I was also tweaking the dialogue at the same time and didn’t want to forget any key phrasing I liked. Dialogue is another thing I get really hung up over, often changing words up to the last second. (Sometimes this is because I messed up the size of the speech bubble, if I’m lettering on the computer...)

Thumbnails:

Pretty close to the final in this case - mainly because the sequence is pretty simple and straightforward and not many people are involved. I keep my thumbnails very crappy and rough so that I don’t get upset later when I can’t redraw something as good as the thumbnail. Bottom right was a quick attempt at designing the mystery girl.

Once I think the thumbnails are good enough - translation: I get impatient and just want to start drawing - I proceed to pencils for the actual page.

Throughout all this, I’m repeatedly reviewing script and thumbnail and playing sequences out in my head and then trying to figure out how to better direct the “camera” and the action. I may go back to the script and the thumbnails even as I’m finetuning the actual page if I encounter issues. You can see in both the script and the thumbnails that there are still deviations in the dialogue and the art from the final. Here are a few examples:

Page 3: The panels were originally 1) the setting, 2) Hokushin with his arms folded, 3) Raizen laughing, 4) we see that Hokushin is watching Raizen. After reviewing the thumbnail, I felt it’d be a better setup to flow into the scene if I switched panels 2 and 3. That’s closer to how you’d experience it in real life, or how it might be directed in a shot sequence: you enter an area/place, you hear the sound of some guy’s loud laughter filling the air, then the camera zooms up to the annoyed expression of this one particular dude and you see he’s staring at the laughing guy. Moving from bigger ambience to smaller details around the room.

Page 7: The girl was originally turning in the other direction (hard to tell because I redrew it right on top of the original sketch lol). However, this meant all the directional action would be pointing to the right - Hokushin is facing the right, and when he leaves the bar he’s angling towards the right side of the page. Facing the direction that readers will read in gives a sense of driving the action forward, while facing the opposite direction provides a bit of a mental stop. (This is something from Scott McCloud that always stuck with me.) So, I flipped the girl around.

Page 8: Script has Hokushin going “What’s this?”. When thumbnailing, I thought, “obviously it’s self-evident he’s wondering what this is when he picks it up”. It added nothing to the panel, and the speech or thought bubble would have interrupted the smooth action of him picking up the paper. So, axed.

The damn friggin’ bar and gambling: You’ll see the script mention this, and at one point I actually had the guy standing across from Raizen saying “Is this guy drunk?” I’m actually not sure if they’re in a bar or if Raizen is drinking, but neither were important to the actual story because I just needed Raizen and Hokushin to be in a place where Raizen could hang out with humans and be stupid. So I dropped these details. This is mainly because I ran into historical research problems about bars and alcohol during the Kamakura period (more on that near the end of this post), and this was the only way to stop myself from getting hung up on trying to make it “perfect” and “correct” and just get it done.

Drawing the actual pages. This part is fun!

Inking the actual pages. THIS PART IS NOT FUN :(

I don’t have very steady hands and I get very anxious about messing things up, so inking always takes me the longest. (I also get distracted easily, e.g., ink two lines and then surf tumblr for ten minutes lol). I’ve improved a lot since I started drawing comics much more frequently a couple years ago, and my choice of tools and style has helped a lot (I lean to variable lines and sketchy style, which is more forgiving than, say, a very precise art style with fixed-width pens) but I still get nervous at this stage.

I’m very lazy so I usually stick with one tool for inking. For Long Limbs I tried to effort more and actually used three. Right to left: Sailor fude de mannen for panel borders and text, Muji pen for artwork (0.4 because that was the only size available at the store when I went to get my refill), Pentel pocket brush for filling in blacks. I refill the fude de mannen and the pocket brush with fountain pen inks.

I usually ink panel borders first, then speech bubbles, then everything else. I hop all over the place and pages are generally in varying stages of completion. I also sometimes add in some more text lines because it seems like a good idea at the time - Hokushin’s complaint on page 3 about how he should have left Raizen when he got into a fight with a fish-seller in a previous story, for example. Sometimes these work, sometimes I regret it later and edit it on the computer.

Cover thumbnails and pencil sketch:

The one in the page thumbnails was the original idea, but then I thought, “seems kinda cliched. Can I get a more interesting angle where he’s not looking straight at the viewer?” (OK, his eyes are covered, but you know what I mean.) I quickly tried a few other angles and compositions, didn’t like them and ended up going with pretty much the original idea, but more zoomed in.

In the thumbnails, you can see all my little x’s indicating “ehhhh I don’t like this”. I wanted something with a particular mood/atmosphere especially with all the hands and arms, and I was conflicted between zooming out (for more environment and more arms, and the focus on the “long limbs” part of the title) or having a tighter, more close up shot. Ultimately I think the latter works better as it conveys a sense of claustrophobia, and it’s more intimate which supports the idea of psychological horror. ALSO IT’S SEXY (maybe???). The end.

Other random thoughts:

I took a lot of heart/inspiration/motivation from Togashi’s last few volumes of Yu Yu Hakusho to keep the backgrounds as lazy - I mean sparse - as possible and also speech bubbles over plain backgrounds lmao. I think it takes a lot of confidence (or maybe laziness) to be so minimalist and restrained, and it’s an impressive and economical way of working. I was always impressed that when reading those pages of his for the first time, the lack of detail never really bothered me - you had everything you needed for your brain to comfortably fill in the gaps and complete the sense of narrative and story progression, and there are still visual flourishes when the situation calls for it. So I’m trying to bring a bit of that tighter philosophy in.

Research. I struggle a LOT with not getting bogged down by details, especially when it’s something “just” for fun or “just” a fancomic. I have very lovely and helpful friends and family who every so often patiently allow me to whine and bounce things off of them, help me look things up, and/or tell me when I’m getting myopic about stuff. For all the North Bound comics, finding quick and useful historical references for the time period has been a challenge. There’s a ton about aristocracy and warriors but very little about the ordinary/common people, not surprisingly. I frequently question my instincts about what makes sense because I tend to automatically draw on similar/equivalent Chinese culture (there was certainly lots of cross-over, but not always appropriate/relevant) or Edo period references (wrong time frame! Too far in the future). I often end up losing a ton of time trying to find something with roundabout searches, and then give up and look at other comics I have close enough to the time period. And then referencing those and compounding whatever historical errors they have in them. (e.g., “Well if it was good enough for Osamu Tezuka’s Phoenix it’s good enough for this rando fancomic!”) I just would like historical/subject matter experts to know I did try...

#yu yu hakusho #comics #hokushin #raizen #fanart #process #wip #art by Maiji/Mary Huang #sketches #art supplies #yyh north bound

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ghostboy-gamedev · 4 years

Text

Learn Log #3 - GUI

This week I studied various elements of Graphical User Interfaces (GUI) including text, logos, buttons and cursors. For practice, I made a mock-up of a fantasy RPG menu which turned out alright. Apologies for the late post. I was a bit busy this past week. Hopefully this doesn’t cause a delay in next week’s post but we’ll have to wait and see!

Text and Font

To practice my font making skills, this week, I tried to make readable fonts in the smallest sizing possible. My reasoning behind this is letters might be read in large passages of text, so a smaller size will likely be required – especially for small menu spaces such as inventories.

Above was my first attempt which used 3x4 pixel letters. While many of the characters were recognisable, a good number were not. The ‘M’ and ‘W’ were utterly unreadable, and some of the characters were difficult to read, like ‘S’ and ‘X’. I decided to move up to a 4x5 size.

With this slightly larger size, I attempted to make both uppercase and lower case letters, most of which worked pretty well. While most characters such as the ‘S’, ‘E’, ‘3’, ‘Z’ and so forth benefited from the extra pixel in the Y-axis – characters were still needed an extra pixel along the X-axis. Characters such as ‘M’ and ‘W’ were still basically unreadable, and characters such as ‘T’ and ‘I’ were difficult to align along the even number of pixels. To fix this, I moved up to 5x5.

Finally! I have successful ‘M’s and ‘W’s! From this test, I really think that there are a few principals for creating nice fonts. 1) If you know or unsure about if the letters ‘M’ and ‘W’ are involved then make the canvas size for each letter at least 5 pixels wide. The same can go for characters like ‘S’ with regards to height. 2) Make the canvas size an odd number along the X-axis to better align specific letters.

With this last font set, I was also able to size the canvas for different types of characters differently. Capital letters occupied the full 5x5 canvas, lowercase letters occupied a 3x4 canvas (except for the ‘M’ and ‘W’ which had to be 5x4), and numbers and symbols filled a 3x5 canvas. I did this so readers could better distinguish between uppercase and lowercase letters, and similar characters like ‘O’ and ‘0’. I’ll have to see what it’s like an actual game later, but I think it’ll be a pretty useful trick.

I do think I will be able to make larger fonts than this and size them down in the Unity engine. Even if this is the case, I think this worked pretty well as practice within tricky boundaries.

Logos

I think logos and titles are pretty crucial to a game. They plaster the cover and main menu of the screen, and I’m sure we can all think of a few memorable logos we’ve seen in games. So, now that I’d practised making text I wanted to make a banner logo for my Itch.io page. The first thing I did was a little sketching on paper before converting it to a small pixel art concept, as shown below.

The recommended banner size for Itchi.io is about 900px wide. I was not going to start here, so I decided to do my rough draft at 45x26 and detail it as I scale up. I made this draft by implementing the concepts I really wanted first and building around that. I knew I wanted to include the ‘S’ wrapped around the ‘T’, so I started there and worked my way through the logo. I also wanted to include a little ghost, so I left a space for it in the bottom left corner. Next, I wanted to add some detail and hollow out the letters, so they were white with a black outline. This is useful as it means the letters are both white and black, allowing the logo to be read on dark and light backgrounds.

To add the detail, I scaled up the previous logo by 400%. This allowed me to round out the edges and create a nice ‘blocky-but-smooth’ look. I also adjusted the ‘G’, ‘T’ and ‘S’. The original ‘S’ and ‘T’ combo made the ‘S’ seem a little bit strange, but this new version was a lot better. With the hollowed out ‘G’ I made it seem like it was beneath the ‘H’ which I thought was a nice effect. I left one of the ends of the ‘Y’ very blocky to make it seem like it had been interrupted by the T. At this point the logo was 180x104, so I scaled it up by 500% to reach 900x520 before adding more detail.

If someone were to ask me, ‘Hey, should I make a 900x520 pixel art logo dealing round edges and circles?’ I would slap them. In fact, I’ve slapped myself because I did precisely this, and it took ages. At smaller sizes, circles can easily be adjusted, viewed, or manipulated to trick the viewer into thinking they are looking at a round edge. When you need to make 4 circles, the largest being 220x220 this becomes insanely difficult. Looking back on this issue I definitely should have used anti-aliasing - I completely forgot about it if I’m honest. The ‘O’s didn’t even come out looking that great. They look quite boxy – definitely should have used anti-aliasing. I have regrets.

Luckily the other letters turned out much better. I did adjust the ‘Y’ also as previously the logo read ‘Ghosty Boy’ rather than ‘Ghost Boy’. This did make the canvas 840x520, but I don’t think it’ll be a noticeable change. I’m pretty happy with it, especially after all the time it took. I may revisit the logo at another time (especially to fix up those ‘O’s).

Above is the final logo, I added the pattern used in my profile picture (slightly desaturated to make it easy on the eyes) to the insides of the letters and called it a day (or 3 days. I hate the letter ‘O’).

Buttons

So, we’ve got our game’s font and title, what we need now are some buttons for interacting with the menus. To practice making button sprites, I decided to make link buttons for social media sites. I started by making the designs of the buttons, as shown below.

I started with small, white 9x9 designs of each social media sites’ logo on a background of their associated colour. I wanted the buttons to be small (to be put on the sidebar of a website) and completely circular. The Itch.io logo could not fit onto the small size, so I made a rough-looking videogame controller instead.

I then expanded these designs into a larger 13x13 circle which I would later turn into the button. Not much happened in this step but this.

And the buttons were done! I shifted the logos of each button upwards before adding a shadow and highlight line on the bottom. Buttons require some sense of depth or separation from the background to show that they can be interacted with. This is really all that’s needed, but more detail can be added to make the button look more appealing.

I added a shadow around the back of the buttons to emphasise the edges of the buttons, separating them from background. I then added some more detail to the highlight to make the button seem shiny and draw attention to it. By alternating between highlights and normal tones, the button appears metallic. Finally, I changed the white logos to a light yellow so the white didn’t seem too bright.

Overall, I’m pretty happy with how the buttons look. The colours on the Itch.io button are a bit desaturated which conflicts with the metallic look. This is due to the colours of the actual logo being quite desaturated. If I were to return to it, I would change it to be pink or orange to capture a similar colour but make the button as bright and eye-catching as the others.

Cursors

There’s not much to talk about in regards to cursors. The default cursors of PCs and Macs are pretty good, however, adding a custom cursor image to a game makes it look really cool I think – even if it’s just a simple adjustment. I tried my hand at making some cursors. The circular points make fitting cursors for shoot games as they’re reminiscent of a gun scope. The hand cursor is a little tricky to do in a small space and might not be worth it as cursors need to be small. Like I said regarding text - if Unity has an option to scale down cursors that will make things much easier. These are some simple ones, but I’m sure there could be more eccentric designs even within these cursor shapes.

Assessment

So, for this week’s learning assessment, I wanted to make a mock-up fantasy RPG menu based on the items I made last week. This was definitely not a lazy excuse to use the same colour palette and 100% a sincere artistic decision.

The first thing I started with was the buttons. It is crucial a menu’s buttons are clear and easy to read so they should dictate the size and presentation of the rest of the screen. I really liked the scroll item from last week, so I decided to make the buttons scrolls. This made the addition of depth more complicated, but I think I did an alright job by adding a shadow bottom right of the scroll.

For the text on the buttons, I wanted to delve into the fantasy aspect and use rune-like letters. I had to tread a fine line between clarity and the desired aesthetic of the letters which took a lot of trial and error, but I think I got there in the end.

I then scaled up the buttons to add some further detail to the scroll and the runes. I thought the plain white background looked pretty bland so I decided to make a background.

I made a mountain range as a background for the menu and changed the text of the ‘PLAY’ button to an outlined red. I kept the background quite simple as this week’s topic was interfaces, and I was concerned that a detailed background might distract from the interface elements. I turned the ‘PLAY’ red because I wanted to give the impression that the option was being selected. I had ample empty space to the left of the screen, so I decided to create a logo for the game to fill that space.

[photo]

After some more trial and error with different rune letters, I created this logo giving this fake game the title ‘Mt Doom’, inspired by the mountain range background. The rigid rune style really gave the title a more menacing feeling which was good. The ‘O’s used looked a bit weird as I had trouble turning them into a rigid rune style. I increased the size of the logo to add more detail and popped it into the menu screen.

The extra detail made the runes look a bit nicer. The ‘O’s were still off but did fit the rest of the font a little better after adjustment. My biggest concern was how out of place the whole logo looked. This was quite clearly because of the pure white colour used for the letters. I could change this to the white within the colour palette; however, this colour was used in the background, so I decided to match the selected button and use the colour red for the logo.

The red made the logo really pop while fitting in with the rest of the piece. Additionally, some light shading on each of the letters made letters stand out even more. I also moved the black outline of the text slightly to the right to make it feel more like a shadow rather than just an outline. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel like the logo had a grand enough presence for its purpose and menace to shine through. To fix this up, I digitally resized the logo by approximately 133.33%. Now, digital resizing really works well for stuff like 200%, 500%, 1000% and so on because it just adds pixels. However, a resize of 150% means you are resizing the image by 1 and a half-pixel which is not possible. This creates jagged, messy lines – but I decided to give it a shot because why not?

To my surprise, the sizing was perfect, and the messy lines actually worked somewhat with the aesthetic. The shading did get messed up a bit, and if I were to do this again I would go back and adjust the shading, but overall I actually think it improved the piece. Finally, I decided to add a cursor, a watermark and social media buttons into the piece, as shown below.

This watermark and the social media buttons do look a bit out of place in the piece, but I think that works in their favour. It draws attention to them and makes it clear that these are not part of the game or menu. This is particularly useful as those social media sites will open an external tab so showing they’re not part an internal part of the game is important.

Looking back on this piece, I do wish the background had more detail. Initially, I didn’t add it so the interface was clear and this may have worked. Still, the fact the background is very simple makes it aesthetically different and distracting. Also, while the scrolls were a nice concept, they could be designed to have more depth and a better select state. Overall, what I took from this practice is that this design process of ‘Buttons to Background to Logo’ is quite useful, but I do need to make adjustments as I go through each stage in the process.

Conclusion

That concludes week 3 of learning pixel art. In week 4, I will be diving into environments starting with grass, trees, bushes and some other features of nature. I’m really excited to build pixel art environments, and I think I’ll enjoy it more than this week as I got a bit sick of making letters over and over again.

My learning and this blog post wouldn’t have been made possible without these fantastic resources. Go check them out if you wanna learn some stuff about pixel art!

Creating A Pixel Art Font by TutsByKai

How to Make a Pixel Logo by TutsByKai

Pixel Art 101: Buttons by Pixel Pete

How to Animate a Button by TutsByKai

How to Make Pixel Art Cursors by TutsByKai

#pixel art #pixel #pixel aesthetic #video games #gamedev #game dev #learning #learn

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