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alisonsfics · 6 months

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saved my life

pairing: tony dinozzo x reader

summary: after you accidentally hint at your feelings for tony on a stakeout, his safety is threatened and it’s up to you to save him.

word count: 3k

warnings: violence, guns, mention of sex dreams

“C’mon, I’m bored. Let’s play twenty questions.” Tony suggested, looking over at you. You both were on day four of a stakeout, and Tony was starting to get restless.

You both were sitting in a car, waiting for your suspect to show at the pier you were at.

You looked over at Tony sitting in the drivers seat. His bottom lip was stuck out as he gave you puppy dog eyes. “Fine,” you said, giving in.

“I go first. What’s the worst excuse you’ve ever used to get out of a date?” Tony asked, with a curious twinkle in his eyes.

You thought about it for a second, when a memory came charging to your mind. Tony knew you had an answer when he saw your face drop. “You know what it is, but don’t want to say it.” He said, smirking at you.

You took a deep breath before preparing to tell a story you swore you’d take to the grave. “It wasn’t exactly a date, but I was at a coffee shop one day. This guy came over and didn’t get the hint that I wasn’t interested. He just kept trying to flirt with me. Then, I saw McGee walk in the coffee shop. He had no idea what was going on, so he came over to say hi. I pretended he was my boyfriend and introduced him to the guy as my boyfriend. McGee was thrown off and nervous, so I got up to hug him…” you started to explain, before stopping.

“Don’t stop now, it’s just getting good.” Tony said, encouraging you to continue.

You prayed McGee wouldn’t mind that you were telling this story.

“McGee thought I was trying to kiss him as a part of the illusion, so he kissed me. I wasn’t expecting it, so it was the most awkward thing I’ve ever done.” You said, covering your eyes with your hands.

Tony’s jaw dropped. “You kissed McProbie?” He asked, his voice getting all high and squeaky. You just nodded your head, still hiding your shame.

“We go undercover as a couple all the time, and I’ve never gotten to kiss you.” Tony complained. You pulled your hands off your face. “That’s what you took away from that story?” You asked, rolling your eyes at him.

Tony was always overly interested in your love life.

“I guess I’m just feeling a little left out.” Tony said, pretending to pout like a child. You huffed to yourself. “It was a kiss, Tony. No big deal,” you said, simply.

You quickly leaned over and pecked his lips. “See? No big deal,” you said, smugly. You knew you had left Tony speechless. He was sitting, frozen in his seat.

You had a tiny crush on Tony.

“My turn. Who’s your celebrity crush?” You asked him. You waited for Tony to snap out of the daze you put him in. When he did, his answer was immediate. “Jennifer Lopez,” he said, simply.

“Who was your last sex dream about?” He asked you, catching you off guard. Tony saw the way your eyes went wide, which only intrigued him more.

You shook your head, quickly. “I want another question.” You said, trying to avoid the conversation completely.

There was no way you were telling Tony you had a sex dream about him.

And you couldn’t think of any lies that would be a better answer.

The smirk on Tony’s face grew. “You don’t want to tell me for a reason. It’s somebody I know, isn’t it?” He asked, as giddy as a kid in a candy shop.

His mind was racing through the list of people it could be.

“I am not telling you,” you said, crossing your arms.

Tony stared at you, almost hoping he could psychically find the answer. Then, you could almost see the lightbulb go off in his head.

“Was it about our very own McProbius?” He asked you. Tony was extremely confident that his answer was right.

When you simply shook your head, he didn’t know what to think.

“Well there’s no way it’s Palmer, no offense to Jimmy,” Tony said, and then he froze. He glanced over at you with a horrified expression. He placed his hand on your shoulder. “It’s not…Gibbs, is it? Cause, I do not want to know about that,” Tony asked, his disgust clear on his face.

You knew how determined Tony could get. He wouldn’t stop asking until he figured it out.

“Will you stop guessing already? It was you, Tony.” You admitted, exasperated. You had never seen Tony so stunned. Then, his shocked expression changed into his signature smirk.

You knew you had just encouraged his ego, which was never a good thing.

“Tell me about it,” he said, almost whispering. You flicked him on the forehead. “Not happening,” you told him, smugly.

He grabbed ahold of your hand, while looking at you with a desperate expression. “Please, I need to know. I’m not afraid to beg.” He asked you.

“You only get one question. It’s my turn now. You ever have a sex dream about me?” You asked, trying to put Tony on the defensive. It didn’t work.

“Several,” he answered quickly, as though it was common sense.

“Now back to my questions. Tell me about yours,” he said. You had tried to turn it around on Tony, but now you were the one sitting with your jaw dropped.

“I don’t even know what you want to know, Tony.” You said, trying to dismiss it. He shrugged. “Whatever you want to tell me. Was it any good?” He asked you, already knowing your answer from the way your cheeks were tinted pink.

“Yes, it was very good, Tony. We were at a fancy hotel. We were undercover, but ummm, we weren’t faking anything.” You said, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.

You noticed the way Tony smiled and the sparkle in his eyes.

“So, you would say I…left you pretty satisfied?” He asked, pushing his limits. As soon as the words left his lips, you swiftly punched him in the arm. “Ow,” he exclaimed, holding his hand over his upper arm.

“No more details for you. Move on and ask another question.” You told him.

“Biggest turn on in a guy?” He asked, far more interested than he should have been.

You decided to give him payback and mess with his head a little.

You used this high-pitched, giggly voice. “I just really love Italian guys who work for NCIS. Also, major bonus points if he’s a movie buff.” You teased him. His excited disposition faded pretty quickly.

“Not fair,” he said, frowning. You continued to giggle to yourself.

“Alright, Mr Italian Dreamboat, how many women have you slept with?” You asked a question you’d always wanted to know.

Tony simply chuckled. “You really think I know the number?” He boasted.

You felt your jealousy take over. You had been into Tony forever. Sometimes you worried he would rather sleep with every other girl in DC over you.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. God forbid Anthony Dinozzo have a serious relationship that isn’t just about sex.” You said, not meaning to sound so snarky.

Tony was usually a light-hearted person. You watched that entire exterior fade away. The glare that he sent you made you realize you screwed up.

“Low blow. You want to kick some dirt in my eyes too? It’s not enough to just stomp on my wounds?” Tony scoffed, before getting out of the car and slamming the door.

You turned on your earpiece that connected only to Tony’s. “Tony, wait, come back. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry,” you begged him to come back.

You knew his safety was at risk if the suspect showed up.

You watched Tony take his earpiece out as he was walking away. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it with his shoe.

Tony was walking closer and closer to the edge of the pier, and you were worried he’d bump into the suspect.

Then, you noticed a suspicious van appear at the other end of the pier. You knew it was the suspect. Tony was walking straight for it, not knowing, of course.

You grabbed your gun and leaped out of the car. “Tony, your one o’clock.” You scream, as you’re running towards him. Then, you saw shots start getting fired at Tony.

Tony ducked down behind some boxes, but you couldn’t tell if he got hit or not.

You stopped in place, carefully aiming at the suspect. You shot two rounds into his chest, and he fell to the ground.

Tony looked over at you, giving you a thumbs up to tell you he was okay. He walked towards the suspect who was lying on the ground. He kicked his gun away from him.

You had turned around to walk back to the car. You needed to call in Gibbs and Ducky. Then you heard Tony shout your name.

You turned around and saw Tony fighting with some other guy. The guy was using a construction-style chain and hitting Tony with it.

You started sprinting towards Tony, but you weren’t sure you’d get to him fast enough.

The guy knocked Tony’s gun out of his hand.

The guy dropped the chain as he went to grab the gun, and Tony’s foot got caught in the chain.

In the struggle for the gun, the guy bumped Tony into the water.

You watched the entire scene in slow motion. You felt a pit open up in your stomach. It was enough to eat you whole.

“Tony!” You screamed as your heart stopped. In a mad rush of adrenaline, you shot the guy three times as you were running.

You dived right into the water. You saw Tony struggling to swim with the heavy chain pulling him down.

The water was only probably fifteen feet deep, but Tony was sinking fast.

You swam down to him. Your first instinct was to grab the chain and try to carry it as Tony swims up. It was too heavy for you to pick up, even in the water.

He sunk a little further and his feet hit the ground. You thought the chain was just wrapped around his shoe, so you pulled his shoe off his foot.

You realized the chain was around his ankle. Tony, who was looking down at you, noticed the look of panic in your eyes. You tugged at the chain, but it wouldn’t budge.

You looked at Tony and held up one finger. You quickly swam to the top, grabbed a breath, and then swam back down.

You could tell he was struggling at this point. You began to panic.

You felt Tony’s hands grab your shoulders. You looked up at him. He looked resigned. “It’s okay,” he mouthed to you. You shook your head, refusing to let him die.

You swam back down to where his ankle is. With a new determination, you unknotted the mess of chain and slip his leg out.

A smile spread across your face. You looked up at Tony, expecting a relieved expression, but he was unconscious.

You wrapped his limp arm around your shoulders and swam him to the surface.

Tony had never failed you, and you were going to be damned if you ever failed him.

Gasping for air, you pulled Tony up onto the pier.

“Please, Tony,” you whispered as you started chest compressions.

Nothing was working.

You would never be able to get the image of Tony’s lifeless body out of your head.

You leaned his head back. “You’re gonna hate that you missed this.” You mumbled, pinching his nose and blowing air into his mouth.

He still laid lifeless.

“C’mon, Tony, please. Come back to me,” you begged. You started your chest compressions again.

You felt Tony’s hand, which was pressed up against your knee, poke you lightly. You almost thought you imagined it.

Then, Tony jolted awake, coughing up water. A smile instantly spread on your face. You helped lift Tony’s head up for him to cough up all the water he inhaled.

You collapsed next to him. You clutched onto Tony’s arm, resting your forehead against his shoulder. “You kissed me, didn’t you?” He asked, causing you to giggle.

Only Tony would come inches from death and still have a joke ready on the tip of his tongue.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.” You demanded. Breathlessly, he just nodded. “I promise,” he said, reaching over and interlacing his fingers with yours.

You used all your energy to pull yourself up to a sitting position. You looked down at him, and just felt thankful you hadn’t lost him.

You cupped his face, your eyes beginning to tear up. “Tony, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I was just feeling jealous. What I said was uncalled for. I swear, I didn’t mean it.” You apologized.

His lips curved to form a smile. “I love you too,” he said, placing his hand over yours.

“Now, c’mere, I can’t sit up.” He said, beckoning you down to kiss him. His cold lips pressed against yours.

He chuckled as your wet hair dripped water droplets onto his forehead. He pressed another short kiss to your lips before pulling away.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stormed off. I risked your safety, and I never should have done that.” He told you, honestly.

You heard tires screeching as Gibbs and Ducky pulled up to where you were. You both were supposed to update Gibbs every 15 minutes on the status of the stakeout. When Gibbs hadn’t gotten that message, he called both your phones, which were both so full of water that they wouldn’t be working any time soon. That’s when he knew something was wrong.

Gibbs raced over to you both. “What happened? Are you both okay?” He asked, hurriedly.

“Tony almost drowned. I had to perform CPR. Ducky needs to check him out.” You told Gibbs, who signaled Ducky. Ducky started setting up his supplies in the back of the truck.

“We have to get you over to the truck, Dinozzo. L/N, help me carry him.” Gibbs said. You both went to Tony’s sides and helped him onto the stretcher to sit down.

“Duck's gonna look at him. Let me check you out.” Gibbs said, pulling you to the side.

“I’m fine, Gibbs.” You dismissed it. He ignored what you said and started looking at your face. “You’ve got a scratch, come here,” Gibbs said.

You tried to pull away from his hand, but he didn’t let you. He grabbed the first aid kit in his pocket. “I don’t need this. I’m fine.” You argued.

Gibbs shook his head. He cleaned your cut with a wipe, and then put a bandaid on your cut. “Here, take this,” he said, slipping his NCIS jacket around your shoulders since you were shivering.

By that point, you were in tears. “Are you alright?” He asked, placing his hands on your arms.

You smacked him away. “This your fault. I told you we needed backup. I told you we needed backup that was close. I knew something could go wrong.” You yelled with tears streaming down your face.

“Y/N!” He yelled, interrupting your rant. You looked up at him through the tears in your eyes.

He knew this rant wasn’t actually about you being angry.

“I almost lost him, Gibbs. He was just lying there. I thought I lost him. He just looked so…” you admitted, unable to say the word.

He wrapped his arms around you. “It’s okay, kid. You were there to protect him. You had his back. It’s okay. He's right over there. Ducky's gonna look at him and tell you he's fine. Why don’t you go talk to him? Okay?” He told you, rubbing your back.

You headed over to where Tony was sitting on the stretcher. “Everything okay, Ducky? Tony’s alright?” You asked him.

“Yes, I promise. I just need to check a few more things, but Anthony is fine. And that is thanks to you, my dear.” Ducky told you. That brought a smile to your face. You felt like you had failed Tony.

You sat on the stretcher next to Tony. “I know you’re probably doubting yourself right now, but you did everything right.” He assured you.

You turned to face him, stunned that he had so easily read your mind. Tony knew better than anyone. “You’re my partner. It’s my job to know exactly what you’re thinking.” He explained.

You started to tear up as you realized how special your’s and Tony’s bond was. You were aware of how close you had come to losing him. “I’m the reason you stormed off. If I had just kept my mouth shut, then none of this would have happened. I screwed up, Tony.” You told him, honestly.

Aside from your no-longer-secret crush on him, you had always told Tony everything.

Tony interlaced his fingers with yours, giving your hand a soft squeeze. “You didn’t screw up. You saved my life.” His voice cracked as he told you.

He leaned in towards you and pressed a kiss to your forehead. That was when you noticed how blue his lips were.

“Ducky, do you have one of those thermal blankets? Tony is freezing.” You asked, looking over at Ducky. He nodded and started to rummage through a cabinet.

“You could kiss me to warm me up.” Tony joked, nudging your leg with his. You giggled seeing the smirk on his face. You pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

Ducky handed you the silver blanket. You unfolded it and tried to wrap it around Tony’s shoulders.

“You’re just as cold as I am.” He protested, wrapping the blanket around the two of you. Under the blanket, his free hand found yours and interlaced your fingers.

Ducky I walked over towards the two of you again. “Everything looks good, Anthony. We can have Jethro or Timothy drive you both home. You both need to get into warm, dry clothes right away. Y/N, my dear, if you could just keep an eye on Anthony and call me if anything happens.” Ducky explained to you both.

“Don’t worry. I won’t let him out of my sight.” You said, smiling over at Tony.

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ddarker-dreams · 2 years

Text

Zufriedenheit. Yan Johan x Reader

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, Johan is ruthless but so is Reader tbh... Word count: 2.1k.

“I’ve noticed something most peculiar.”

If Johan is a hypnotist, he requires no pocket watch; his melodious voice is enough to seduce the mind and body alike. The inflection of his sentence portrays an openness for dialogue that you know to be teasingly deceitful. You think he prepared two paths depending on if you chose to respond or if you thought better of it, regardless; he’s equipped, while you are left defenseless.

“You have been a subject of my observation for some time,” he relays the information your intuition whispered. The shadows your peripherals caught in the night have eyes, it would warn you. What a fool you were not to listen. “And in that time… a certain tendency of yours became evident.”

Light in the morning is always the softest.

He stands a few paces ahead, his back turned to you, his hands folded. He moves aside heavy velveteen drapes to invite in more light, the sudden illumination forcing you to squint while your eyes adjust. People dot the busy streets below in a rush to get to work. He’s always had a penchant for watching over regular life, never commenting, always ruminating. Which leads you to a question with which no answer could satisfy.

What is worse: when Johan is silent, or when he speaks?

“You like to be of service to others.”

It’s a complete thought that you feel little motivation to supplement. This conversation has already been exhausted, to the point revisiting the subject further dissuades your appetite. The untouched pastries on your plate are looking less and less desirable by the second. What does catch your eye, however, is a silver gleam. A knife that room service so diligently provided.

One for you — just not one for him. For in the eyes of society, he does not exist.

He’s waiting for a response this time. Your irritation is further exacerbated by the cheap, instant coffee you’ve downed two cups of, the beverage dialing your senses up to eleven. His deliberate decision to welcome in direct sunlight confirms that he’s well aware of your sensitivity but cares little for it. Unfortunately for you, today’s mood must err toward provocation. Your least favorite divination for the dowsing rod to fall on.

“We’ve established that,” is your response. You sniffle, finding it terribly cold in here. Winter could find a rival in hotel air conditioners.

“Yes, we have,” he agrees. In the window’s reflection, you realize he’s staring at you. Anyone else would look away should they be caught in the act. Not him. His gaze remains. “Tell me why that is again.”

You sigh. It’s better to lay things down on your own terms so that he can’t spin his take without meeting resistance. While you might get splinters from dismantling his loom, the alternative of leaving it unscathed is far worse.

“We live in a world where there is an immense disparity between those who have and those who don’t. I feel it’s the duty of those who have the means to help, to help. I just want to do my part in that. I’d be a hypocrite if I felt this way while doing nothing.”

“And are you not a hypocrite in other ways?”

“I’m sure I am,” you shrug. “Everyone is, if they’re being honest about it.”

“Even me?”

You can tell he’s smiling from the tone of his voice. It’s a gesture you don’t reciprocate.

“I don’t know. To be a hypocrite, you must first believe in something with a firm conviction. But you…” you take a deep breath, wondering if your next words would be better left unsaid, “... You believe in nothing. So no. I don’t think you are a hypocrite.”

“Coming from a morally upstanding person such as yourself, that’s quite the compliment.”

It’s a purposefully cheap shot that you can’t work up the energy to get offended over. He doesn’t want your offense, you’re far past the point of assuming his dubious intentions to be that straightforward. You long for the misguided days when you clenched that notion to your chest as if it were a prized treasure. No, what he wants is nothing as simple and easy to comprehend as earning your indignation. That would just make too much sense — give you something to work with.

For what he truly wants is more troubling than anything you could possibly fathom.

“Surely, you didn’t rehash this topic just to say that.”

“Indeed not. It was helpful to reestablish your worldview so I know I’m not being hasty in my next judgment.”

Johan is lying without making an effort to conceal it. While he is setting the scene, it’s not for his sake, but for yours. Hidden beneath the veneer of niceties is a viper that strikes at the heel. Slow is the venom he injects, so that you might experience the malaise to its fullest. Anything less than that would be a mercy from him.

“One more question, then I’ll leave you to eat your breakfast in peace.”

Also a lie. Where Johan went, peace never followed, it was the antithesis to his nature. You were amazed he was capable of uttering the word without going up in flames. You nod, not that it makes any difference, he’s going to see his designs brought to life no matter what fight you do or don’t put up.

“Would you say it’s wrong to help others if you’re ultimately doing it for your own benefit?”

Out of all the questions Johan has posed, this might be the easiest.

“Yes, I would.”

There’s mirth dancing in his eyes. Not the innocuous kind that most people are familiar with, but a twisted, sinister rendition, that you liken to a hunter who found its prey caught in a trap set days prior. What little sits in your stomach threatens to crawl back up. You take a sip of lukewarm water to discourage it.

“I’m afraid you are a hypocrite then, based on your definition of the word,” he almost sounds genuinely apologetic at forcing you to face this revelation. “Since if we’re being honest, you and I — you do want something in return. Just not in a material form.”

He turns to confront you directly. It’s remarkable how a voice so soft could penetrate deeper than any knife. You lose your ability to meet his gaze, dropping it downward, examining every dip and groove of your now cold breakfast. He approaches with a calm gait, taking the time to pull his chair out and settle across from you.

Johan rests his elbows on the table, leans forward, and steeples his fingers. He rests his chin atop them. “It gives you a sense of belonging you couldn’t earn from your own merit. You, who is average at everything, yet excels in nothing.”

It’s fitting that his eyes are ocean blue. For he is a riptide that so many have drowned in, when they make the mistake of fighting back and exhausting themselves.

“Who would choose to keep you around if you had nothing tangible to offer them? You rush to aid the fortunate just as much as you do the unfortunate. By making them laugh, or flattering them, you cement your place by their side. A place that you must know to be in competition for. Should anyone come by that fulfills your duty better, you wouldn’t be discarded, oh no. You would be forgotten altogether. No effort would be made to throw you away.”

You stand up.

Though you might tower over him in height from this position, it is still he who looks down at you. You think about the alluring knife resting an arm’s length away. The door that he never keeps locked, as he is confident you won’t walk out. He wouldn’t move to stop you even if you did. Not when he knows you’ll come right back.

Johan wants to show you the total collapse of this world — you want to prove there is something in it worth saving.

In the same way Abraham beseeched his God to spare the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, you too seek to challenge Johan’s total disregard for human life, on the grounds that each person has inherent value. There is no legal recourse you could seek against him. He is a ghost, sand that falls through the sieve of the law. His many wicked acts have no documentation. No method to corroborate besides a few rumors and records wiped clean from the planet.

For some reason or another, he has allowed your meddling presence to remain where others have been reduced to bloodstains on pavement. Perhaps it started as mere amusement. A way for him to occupy his time in between major events, an outlet where he could show his true, hideous nature. No one would believe you. At times, you find it difficult to believe yourself.

Taking deep breaths, you hear the thrum of your heart die down. It’s a slow and agonizing process. Your head feels light but your resolve is heavy.

Feeling that the reigns to your body have been returned to their rightful owner, you sit back down.

“You don’t have the complete scope of things. All you have is conjecture.”

“Is that so?”

He sounds genuinely curious. Johan doesn’t want to destroy you so much as he wants to deconstruct you — this is proven by how he pauses his verbal onslaught to gauge your reaction. Whether it be a soft spot for you, or, more realistically, an unspoken acknowledgment that not letting you speak your piece is the same as admitting you have a point.

“The way you phrase things makes it out to be more heinous than it actually is,” you start nibbling at your danish. “Of course people want those who they surround themselves with to have some use, but I’d argue it’s subconscious for most. We’re a social species. We wouldn’t have progressed past the Stone Age if not for the instinct to band together.”

You swallow the sweet, flaky treat. “What you’re describing is friendship. In the same way you can make anything sound bad depending on how you describe it, I can put my own positive spin on things.”

“Maybe there have been times where I was over-eager to earn the approval of others. So what? If I’m aware of that fault of mine, that means I can improve it. I like making people smile. I like making people laugh. I want to show others their worth,” you nod, slowly, full of conviction. “Yes… that does set me up for being a hypocrite at times. I can live with it if it means I’m set apart from people like you.”

Johan closes his eyes.

“Do you think this is enough to convince me?”

You feel the inquiry is pointed more toward your overarching goal than this specific argument.

“No. I won’t count myself satisfied until you walk into a police station and confess to each and every one one of your crimes,” you reply. The pastry is gone but your ravenous appetite is not. “That’s when I’ll know I convinced you. Not a moment sooner.”

He appraises you after hearing this.

Johan extends his hand across the table, his palm up, silently urging you to give him yours. You stare at the outstretched invitation warily. He won’t force you to go along with his whims — to do so would mean going against a silent agreement you both somehow arrived at — so you consider the prospects.

Your decision comes not long after.

His cold fingers wrap around yours to secure their prize, the touch no more aggressive than a breeze too soft to make the flowers sway. He lifts your hand and moves it in the direction you gravitated toward in your darkest moments.

Over the knife you don’t dare touch, even when your meals call for it.

“You could always put an end to things yourself, [First],” it’s rare he speaks your name. It’s even rarer he says it like that, without superficial charm dripping from each syllable. “You once asked me if I had a heart. I’ll let you cut me open and see for yourself.”

Your fingers twitch yet they deny the impulse.

“That’d be letting you off too easy,” you decide. “Besides… I’m not a doctor. I’ll let one of them check in my stead.”

For some reason or another, this comment amuses him greatly, an inside joke that has shoulders shaking as he laughs.

He squeezes your hand once and pulls away.

"There’s always mine. I’ll have to ask him to let you know.”

#johan liebert x reader #johan x reader #reader insert #johan liebert #yandere #yandere x reader #monster #monster x reader #naoki urasawa's monster #my stuff

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jeweled-blue-eyes · 3 months

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How the hell does Derrick have so much authority over Penelope? Something I never understood was how it was possible that Derrick, being only the eldest brother, could grant harsh punishments such as feeding his younger sister bread and water or restricting her mobility, without even consulting his father, the Duke. Clearly they have given me more power than a simple brother should have in my opinion, I am an only child so I don't know much about sibling dynamics, but it seems strange to me that Derrick has more influence in Penelope's life than her own father at the point. That when she is arrested, he is the one who goes to visit her. Don't you think that in a situation like this the legal guardian should go?

what is an elder brother if not a second absent father? From the start Derrick seemed to me more like an abusive guardian than an elder brother. His actions towards Penelope were never those of a brother towards a sister. Their relationship was not sibling like. In a similar manner I don't view Reynold and Derrick's relationship as very brotherly. It might have been different once. Before Ivonne disappeared. He helped Reynold and Ivonne sneak out to visit the festival, didn't he? Disobeying his father, that doesn't sound like something the Derrick we know would do. But something in Derrick must have changed after he lost his little sister and made him crave control.

Their relationship would be more comparable to a guardian and ward. I hesitate to call it parentification, because Derrick absolutely did not meet the emotional needs of Reynold and Penelope (he probably barely interacted with Penelope) but I do think he took to some degree care of Reynold in a way their father failed them. I believe he had to grow up too early and that his childhood was cut short given the fact that he had to be prepared to become the next head of the Eckart duchy and their father had likely fallen into a depression after experiencing the loss of his most treasured child. Perhaps Derrick wanted to share his father's burden and offered to take on some of his tasks. Such tasks may have also included looking after the children that the duke was neglecting over his grief at Ivonne's disappearance. Making sure Reynold doesn't stray away from the right path and gets in trouble, being in charge of punishments for minor offenses that he considers too unimportant to bother his father about, ironing out his mistakes, overseeing his education, budgeting etc. You can see where I'm going with this: Derrrick was a person of authority in Reynold's life (hc). And I think that's how he became easily a person of authority in Penelope's life as well. If Derrick did his role so well with Reynold then this could explain why the Duke entrusted him with Penelope. Though I suspect that most often the Duke had no idea what kind of punishments Derrick was handing out to Penelope. I can imagine that at the start Derrick was asking his father for permission for every little thing that eventually the Duke just handed a share of his power over to Derrick. And when he noticed that Derrick acted independently he found that it had a positive impact on their family interests, which caused him to have a little bit too much trust in Derrick's judgement without checking.

Unusual circumstances forced Derrick into the role of the little Duke to support his father and unconsciously everyone around him started to get used to it. Derrick gaining more power over his siblings than he should have wasn't seen as something weird, because he was a precocius child and already preparing to follow into his father's footsteps as the next Duke anyway. Everyone else was so busy searching for Ivonne or offering their condolences, they had forgotten completely that they still had two other children in the house which were in need of parental care.

In my opinion part of the reason had to do with their father's mental state and inability to act as a guardian, part was Derrick's overqualification in certain fields that made people trust him to take on tasks that they would not have given other kids his age typically, part was that his status as the Eckart heir lifted him above his siblings and he would enjoy certain privileges that were connected to serious responsibilities in the future that neither of his siblings would have to fullfill. I think Penelope's gender also played a major role given that they were living in a patriarchy where the domination of women through their male relatives and spouses was normalized. The story is set in a historically western inspired world but the author herself is Korean. It is possible that some Confucian ideas of filial piety still made it into the text.

Lastly there was the underlying idea that Penelope had to prove herself worthy of the Eckart name. If Derrick's treatment of her was that of a master to his servant or a noble to a commoner instead of a brother to his sister or a nobleman to a noblewoman then it was condoned because no one viewed Penelope as an Eckart except for her stepfather. The staff acted under the assumption that Penelope was living there temporary and would be thrown away once the true lady had returned. Even if some of them had objections they were in no position to voice them. Only very few would intervene in other people's family affairs.

As for why Derrick went to visit Penelope in prison instead of his father: plot related reasons. Love interests are generally given more screentime than side characters such as parents. Penelope's situation also wouldn't have looked that bleak if instead of her brother her father had come. Unlike Derrick the Duke would have shown that he cared. Besides the scene of Penelope trapped behind bars was important, it was meant to parallel the bird in the cage that Derrick gifted her and would serve as a hint that Derrick's desire for Penelope was dark and possessive.

I can also imagine that their father was doing paperwork, looking for a good lawyer or meeting with influencial people and trying to negotiate better conditions for Penelope in the meantime.

#vadd #villains are destined to die #death is the only ending for a villainess #ditoeftv #derrick eckart #reynold eckart #penelope eckart #vadd headcanons #anon #answered asks

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yolowritter · 2 months

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In Offense to Lila Rossi

O...kay! Am I the only one who sometimes takes offense to Lila's entire existence? Even if she just stands there, looking at her on screen makes me want to grab the nearest pitchfork! So please, allow me to explain why I despise Lila Rossi in Miraculous Canon, and what my delusions say should happen for Season 6 regarding her character! Call it a stich, I'm still doing it because I can!

To kick things off, it's worth establishing what kind of antagonist Lila is supposed to be in the show. She's introduced in the finale of Season 1, Volpina (yes I know some lists have Origins last, but Collector picks up directly after so it's the finale), and from the moment anybody even mentions her, we get the hint that something is fishy. I'm quite sure it's Alya who first approaches Marinette and tells her about this "new girl" who's showed up at school. Apparently, "she" knows famous musicians, is very talented, etcetera. Marinette raises an eyebrow at this, but there's no real reason to question it yet since the audience has already seen that some of those things are true for her as well (see Jagged Stone). All in all, good little bit of foreshadowing and getting people intersted without going overboard.

Then we actually meet Lila in the library with Adrien. She seems pleasant enough, if a little infatuated, but this is Adrien. He has more fangirls that there are ticks on a goat, so he takes it in stride. All in all, Lila is cheery and excitable, happy to spend time with him. Not the most likable character in history, but also not malicious in any way. This is the expected behavior for some random teenager learning she's classmates with a supermodel. And since we get this whole thing from Marinette's point of view, the audience is encouraged to share her suspicions about Lila. We all know how the rest of the episode goes, and I'll get back to this in a sec.

Point is, when Lila first shows up, she seems interesting. Her lies aren't immediately obvious (or at least like 20% plausible given past events), and she appears to be infatuated with Adrien, just like Marinette. Sure, it looks a bit superficial, but who can blame her? We don't know anything about her yet, and it isn't completely outrageous to think that she might be giving out small lies to make herself more popular since she's the "new kid" and all that.

But after Volpina...we don't see her again until Season 3! Excepting Heroes Day Part 2, where she gets re-akumatized into Volpina for the whole illusion thing, I mean. Lila remains a mystery, and so far has been a nuanced character who we have questions about and know to be a cunning liar. Especially since in Volpina, Lila actually is being smart with her lies to Adrien! She plays up her persona of infatuated fangirl and extracts general information about the book he has, and plays off it by giving minimal details and still attracting his interest. It's only once Adrien has shown her the page about the fox heroine that Lila makes up a story about having the Miraculous in her family, and then she immediately goes off to cover her back by buying a fake Fox Miraculous from a "Gabriel" store.

Side note: This is the one and only time we see this happen, and I still have questions as to why Gabriel Agreste is selling jewerly that only someone with the Guardian's Grimoire would know how to design. Dead giveaway, but that's a general plothole in the show, and irrelevant to Lila.

The thing is, I love Lila in Volpina! She actually does manipulate Adrien pretty well, makes sure to subtly get all the information she needs, and then plays her part perfectly, to the point where he's on her side when Ladybug swings by to berate her for lying about having a Miraculous. Granted, Marinette's intense reaction doesn't do her any favors, but nonetheless Lila is actually good at lying in this episode! Now prepare to throw this out the window with Chameleon! Oh, Chameleon! What is even left to say about this episode that the fandom didn't tear to shreds back when it first aired? Welp, doesn't matter! I'm grabbing Hawkmoth's cane and beating the dead horse one last time, just because Lila pissed me off this badly when I re-watched it recently!

I have genuinely researched the lies that Lila spouts out in this episode, and I'm honestly baffled as to why the writing team even put them there? I'd think it takes more effort to think of something this ridiculous rather than a semi-believable lie? Let's break the two most ridiculous ones down real quick. Getting tinitus from being behind a plane engine while it was taking off. Now, I'm assuming Lila also lost a few braincells in this episode, because while while yes, if that were to happen one would have severe hearing damage...we're talking about going completely deaf. Not to mention that you'd have to ignore countless airport security measures to even get there, and that in some countries, it's very much illegal to be on the runway when a plane is taking off. So Lila would have gone completely deaf, forever, not to mention sustained actual injury from being right behind a plane as it's taking off. Do you see why this is so ridiculously unbelievable? And okay, for the sake of argument let's say that people do believe her. Miss Bustier has zero reaction to this information, which would have presumably caused a responsible adult to panic at the idea of a child sustaining such an injury. Clearly, this episode is designed to devour braincells from everyone present.

Then we move onto the moment that still infuriates me, the Napkin Incident™. I'm not going to go into too much detail because we all know the gist. Lila catches a napkin thrown by Marinette with her supposedly "sprained" wrist, and explains the reason she "hurt herself" was to protect Max's eyes from being gouged out! By a napkin, while he's wearing glasses! In addition, Lila blatantly lies about being best friends with Ladybug and having sustained other minor injuries, and all of this makes me honestly upset because I see what they were going for! I can see the vision here!

Lila lying about being best friends with Ladybug to gain Alya's interest! Lila making herself the victim and exploiting Marinette's eagerness to expose her to gather support from her classmates and take away her friends! She even says that's what she plans to do at the end of the episode! But...this never goes anywhere. Lila is almost entirely absent from the remainder of the season, and just...doesn't follow up on this? Instead all we get is Lila getting outrageous lies that require every other character in the room to lose the entirety of their IQ to even be plausible in the slightest. And the plot wants to pretend as if she's a master manipulator when all she does is tell extremely obvious lies that can be very easily disproven!

Even when she pretends Marinette pushed her down the stairs, nobody reacts in the way they should! Bustier and Damocles should have called in the school nurse, or a doctor to check her over, especially since Lila claimed to be in severe pain. It's completely unreasonable for adults to behave they way these two do whenever Lila is involved in anything. My point is that for Lila to be what the show says she is, she needs plot armor. People believe her just because they have to. It's demanded by the script. And it's infuriating!

It would be another thing entirely if Lila slowly approached each and every classmate and systematically inserted herself in situations as the "friend", or used small lies to slowly degrade Marinette's connections with others. She could ensnare Alya with little lies about Ladybug, and then act concerned and worried when Marinette denied everything without any proof (like we already see her do multiple times). And yes, obviously they can't devote another dozen episodes to focus solely on this, but the fact that we never see Lila even try to do it very much undermines her character. The narrative presents her as a master manipulator who pulls the strings from the shadows, and addmittedly she has some good moments like when she frames Marinette for stealing her necklace...but that can easily be disproven by checking security cameras, or by Adrien speaking up. Remember, he was there in Volpina when the necklace was proved a fake, and Lila is using the same lie here.

Not to mention that in each and every case where Lila lies, even in Season 5, the believability of that lie is solely dependant on the sheer incompetence of every (allegedly) responsible adult around her, and the fact that Marinette's classmates are contractually obligated by the script to believe her without a second thought. The problem here is that Lila isn't good at lying. What she says is either outrageous enough to warrant genuine concern if believed (ex: Marinette pushing her down the stairs. No adult would have made this girl walk back up that staircase without first asking if she was hurt and calling in a medical professional) or so plain stupid that it has everyone wondering where their lost braincells may have slipped off to. To give credit where it's due, Lila's manipulation of Chloe in Season 5 is actually pretty great and consistent with what we've been told she's supposed to be.

But...considering that by this point, (regarding Marinette's friends now) Alya knows her best friend is Ladybug, hates Lila, and was clearly right about the girl being a walking red flag...why does it take a DIY bathroom and a literal 300 IQ scheme to prove that Lila has been lying about things? Like, Alya, Adrien and presumably Nino (if anybody bothered to clue him in) should know that she's full of crap, and suspect her. Don't get me wrong, I love Marinette's whole fake bathroom plan. Genuinely made me marvel at how smart she is. But it also shows that the script still treats Lila as an Avengers-level threat...even if at this point in the story, her lies are just bad. We know from Chameleon she can't even keep her own stories straight (see Lila forgetting which ear her tinnitus was on), and this could have been an amazing detail the gang utilized to start convincing the others that she is lying.

The general problem with Lila's canon character is that she's underutilized, barely appears outside of when she absolutely needs to, and fundementally fails to be what she's been writen as, requiring her Villain Plot Armor™ to kick in and steal everyone's braincells away. I absolutely love the whole "Lila is a fox" characterization, because Volpina was literal genius! The metaphors and symbolism of Lila being cunning and always scheming? Amazing! But...what we actually get to see of her in action? Really, really bad. Also, I am not touching her three mothers with a ten foot pole, not until we get a canon explanation. Personally I ascribe to the Scarlet Lady AU version, but we'll see. Even the more obviously ridiculous things, like Lila having a whole secret lair in the Parisian Catacombs...I'd buy it. If there's IRL raves happening down there, then she could totally have a secret villain lair tucked away behind a few crypts or something.

What I wish we had gotten from Lila is honestly not a lot. Instead of just walking up to people and lying her ass off, I'd prefer to see her be more subtle about it. For Nooroo's sake, just get this girl to actually be cunning like all the fox metaphors want you to think! It isn't that hard to write a scene where she plays the "concerned friend" as Cerise to plant seeds of discord. Buggachat did it very well in "Open my Eyes", and it made me absolutely hate Cerise! And that's a good thing! Lila/Cerise/Iris/Whatever-other-identity-she-has-in-her-closet is meant to be hated by the audience! She literally is a "love to hate" character! And in Open My Eyes, Cerise actually did act as the concerned friend, she was subtle, she didn't always lie but sometimes twisted the truth just a little bit, enough to get the doubts to creep inside someone's head. I got so frustrated because I wanted Adrien to figure her out, but couldn't find a logical way for him to do so in the first place! Do you guys get what I'm talking about yet?

Subtle but convincing. Small and unnoticable until it's too late. That's how Lila should be, because it utilizes the most plot threads made by her lies. I can go on and on with specific examples, but I want to actually post this someday so I shall refrain. In conclusion, there are only two types of Lila. "I'm going to burn your house down and smile while doing it, then find a puppy and kick it into a sewer before emotionally scarring someone to the point of needing life-long therapy" Lila.

And the "cunning, sneaky and subtly manipulative fox who drives people insane slowly but surely as she makes them have an existential crisis" Lila.

I vehemently refuse to accept her canon version, and fear for Season 6 if she doesn't change into one of the above, or at the very least stops being so incredibly in-your-face about it. It's infuriating (in a good way) when the characters don't know, but if the lie is as obvious as "How was my weekend? Oh, nothing much! I just went skydiving on Venus, that's all really!" ...do I even need to elaborate? Because that's what Lila sounds like 96% of the time!

Alas, I digress. Feel free to give your opinion about our resident lying wretch, I need to go take a break before her incompetence drives me insane. I'll see you all soon...but until then, Stay Miraculous everyone!

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icechippies · 2 months

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The crossover you didn't ask for but are getting anyway!

Writing a DHMIS and TWOMP crossover has been on my list of things to do for a while now and this has been in my drafts for ages.

I'm not so certain about Red Guy's characterization and I didn't look at other fan characters because I looked at the DHMIS fandom once and saw some things I will never unsee (no offense to the fandom. I am glad you guys are having fun, it's just not for me)

Anyway, here you go:

He woke up in an uncomfortable plastic seat. One of many such seats occupying the area. There were other people around too, mostly sleeping uncomfortably in their own seats or watching the clock on the wall slowly tick the seconds away. A man with a teddy bear for a head snored in the seat next to him. Headache-inducing fluorescent lights buzzed in the ceiling louder than the flies that kept running into them with a repetitive tapping noise.

"Number 277,546?"

He looked down at the yellow card in his hand. It said 277,546.

"I think that's me."

The old lady behind the counter looked at him from behind glasses that sat too far forward on her nose.

"Give me your card." he handed it over and she punched a hole in it, adding one more small circle to the thousands of others that covered the ground like confetti and formed piles in the corner of the room.

"Go down the hall to the last door on your left. A member of the welcoming committee will help you fill out your paperwork."

"Oh, uh, ok, thanks." He wandered down the hall. His footsteps against the dirty carpet tiles were the only noise as the ticking of the clock faded away.

He had a complicated relationship with quiet. On one hand it was nice, certainly much better than loud, but he just couldn't relax when it was quiet. Quiet, without failure, always meant that something was about to happen, usually something bad. He much preferred something in between quiet and loud, like listening to his friends talk. It was far from stimulating conversation but they were rarely interrupted by anyone who might make things bad. All in all it was similar to his complicated relationship with dark.

He reached the end of the hallway and stepped into the open door way of the last office on the left.

There was a person facing away from him digging through a filing cabinet. They had long wavy black hair and a blue hoodie.

"Hello? Are you the welcoming committee person?"

The person in blue jumped a bit before pulling out a few papers and turning around with a big grin on their face.

"Hello and welcome to the void!"

They had a lot of eyes. He was fairly certain that most people didn't have more than two but this person had blinking white eyes covering their face and neck, even going down to the back of their hands. He was being looked at by all of them. Almost expectantly. Oh. He was supposed to respond.

"You have a lot of eyes." Wrong response.

Luckily the person was still smiling, "Thank you! My great great grandpa always said I had my mother's eyes. And my father's. And my grandparents', for that matter." they placed the papers on the desk and sat down, gesturing to the other chair, "go ahead and take a seat, I'll help you fill out these forms and then we can go find your new home. " they clicked their pen a few times before preparing to write on one of the papers. "My name is Argos. And yours is?"

"I'm- I'm not actually sure."

"Is that first name Not, middle name Actual-?"

"No, no. I don't know my name." now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure if he ever knew his name, or if he even had a name in the first place.

"You don't know your name?"

"I don't know, I'm just the big red guy I guess but that doesn't really work without the other two." He shifted in his chair awkwardly.

"I could put in a filler name for now and you could complete another form later to change it if you happen to remember your name or decide on a new one?"

"That works I suppose."

"How about I just put in first name Red, last name Guy?"

"Yeah, I like the sound of that, for now at least."

"Great! Now, the faster we get these forms done the faster I can show you to your new home."

"Just checking, there's not going to be any singing or anything?"

Argos furrowed his brows in confusion. "Not unless you turn on the radio or sometimes the television I guess. Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing." Red Guy made a mental note to never turn on the radio or the television, "let me see those forms."

#The word yours should not exist I hate it #Ta dah #my fanfic #Dhmis #don't hug me i'm scared #red guy dhmis #twomp #the world of mr plant #argos twomp

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esterzach · 7 months

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I love digging through things, listening, or reading people's thoughts about how they perceive the things they watch. There is always something new, something that will lead to a new angle, a new way of seeing things, or an idea. Even if it's the opposite opinion, it can lead to the point where I can change my mind about one thing or make solidify an opinion ( out of simple stubbornness sometimes). The need for a dialog and conversation makes things clearer. Almost always. Different opinions are precious. One word or expression can lead to a new perspective.

Unlike many, I love the whole drama between Moiraine and Lan in the first two episodes. But these two have known each other for 20 years. So that seems... stupid? Unlike them maybe...

From the beginning of S1, Moiraine's depression was expected. Her being mean to Lan though... I get at some point lashing out to your closest when you are hurt and there is no one to blame... Still, that was her attitude for the last 6 months? And she is vicious. It's not only cutting him off and not talking to him. And he sees through that right away and rightfully so is pissed off. Because it is offensive, to exclude someone who walked and fought shoulder to shoulder with you, shared everything, all of a sudden sending the message that he is not that important.

It gets worse. She is implying this is not something new. She was withholding things from him for a while, maybe since the beginning, or at least that's what she wanted him to think, keeping him in the dark about many things. That line bothered me "We've never walked this path together. You've never seen the forest for the trees, because I've never shown it to you." He knows about their mission everything, he needs to know. Well, at least up until 6 months ago, when she was skipping a couple of things. Like Rand being alive and Ishamael being freed. Even when she says that it still feels that it's not enough. That statement goes for a lot more than this. (And we know now that there is more that she hides - that she released the Bond and she had been preparing that for quite some time). Now that is enough material to be angry and offended at if you had complete trust in someone for many years. Hell, they are in each other's heads. How is that even possible? To be so blind, so deceived. And he loses it. Anyone would be furious. But even after that, he is still there, still telling her "I am not letting you walk away from me again". Her "I know" says a lot. The unspoken "That's why I am going to go further." The threat to take away his choice and hurt him, make him go with someone else by force is genuine, she will do it.

She is actively aiming to piss him off landing blow after blow. All the time. And it works. Because he eventually gets to a place where he asks: "I swore myself to you, because I trusted you. Because I thought we were in this together. Equals. That was never true, was it, Moiraine?" "We were never equals." Most of us see right through it. After the initial WTF, woman?! How could she say that?, there was the "Oh, she means she always thought she was better than him!" Especially since that comes right after their previous conversation where she downright tells how she chose him for her Warder. Because he was braver than her. One last moment of honesty, one last present for the road. And she sends him away. She knows he will ignore that little moment until much later, that he will be too distracted now, will focus on the other matter - that she sends him away. He will be distracted enough to ignore her words, until much later when he is calm and goes through their conversations, and will remember that confession and it will eventually realize the meaning behind words. That memory walk was placed there on purpose. We hear it, but because we aren't that angry with her, we weren't treated like we were inferior for months, we get it. He doesn't. And that's the plan.

Moiraine understands he knows her well and sees what she is trying to do, and her trying to push him away or try to make him leave her would never work. He will see through her, and ignore her. He is angry at her, but he is still there. She had her confirmation - she tried to leave and he followed her, and they were almost killed. That probably served to make her feel she was right about her plan. And she landed the last blow with "We've never walked this path together." And that leads him right where she wanted him to be. In order for "We were never equals" to be perceived as it was from him, she had to undermine his confidence in the meaning of their relationship, of their mission, of the way she sees him. She had to erode his confidence in her, to make him doubt about how she actually thinks of him. With lines like "Door" or "I'll have my dinner here". This is not the writers enhancing Moiraine's unpleasant features from the book, because they were never there in the show at all. I feel like unless she needs to behave like that in some situations, she avoids consciously this type of behaviour, because she doesn't like it. Treating people like servants must leave a bad taste, considering her origins and her stay in The Tower and she never used it before. Now she does. And blatantly at that. She is pulling off this to Lan of all people. And she needs to do that for quite a while, so it looks believable to him. Everyone eventually will get tired of certain behaviours, no matter how patient they are. And it works. Just for a while though.

#wheel of time #digging through scenes #Just because I love them #the wheel of time #wot #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran #esterzach's lack of better judgement #esterzach's writings

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the-trans-advice-blog · 2 months

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Hello. I just found your blog, and am happy to see asks open because I really need some advice, if that's okay, on coming out to my family.

I'm a trans guy who's been out to friends in college for several months now, after years of being closested and suppressing. My friends and classmates use my preferred pronouns and name, and have consistently respected and defended my identity, so all's great. This just means I've grown more comfortable with myself, and have now no reason to not try and come out to my family, which I haven't done.

My parents are open minded people, but with this sort of stuff they've definitely voiced some sort of disdain towards, for example, gay or trans people in movies. I know their views, but still can't imagine how they'd react if I told them. Coming out to them feels unimaginable; and from someone like me, it would be very unexpected to them. When I'm at home, I'm just enjoying being with them since I don't go home very often for school, so it's also been an issue of mine to even imagine speaking up at like dinner or when we're hanging out.

Despite that, I really want to start medically transitioning, but not behind my parents back. I want to change my goddamn legal name asap, start hrt and get top surgery; I just want to feel like me. I will start working out of state in the next year, so I wouldn't want to start transitioning later when my family can't see me as often where any changes will be very noticable and huge to them. I want to ease us all through the transition, and not make it feel like I'm unrecognizable, like a completely different person, like they've lost their "daughter."

I'm genuinely asking out of a form of desperation, how do you come out, because from the bottom of my heart, I cannot fathom how to do it or where to start. How do you get yourself in such a vulnerable mindset and position to admit something so personal and unexpected? How do I explain to my parents something they most likely don't understand? How do I prepare myself if they don't believe me and reject what I've told them?

Any advice is much appreciated.

The first piece of advice I have for you is that as much as you love your family you need to remember this is about you. You’re not responsible for their emotions and you don’t have to coddle them through your transition. If they are people who unconditionally love you then they do not have to understand you to support you.

My second piece of advice, because it’s very clear to me that you really want them to understand which I think most people do, make it clear that you’re open to any and all questions. A lot of people are afraid of being offensive but it’s important they ask ANY questions they have in order to learn.

I know a lot of people will write down things they want to say to make it easier for them so that might be something to consider! Even just bullet points if you plan on doing this in person.

If you’re really anxious there’s no shame in adding everyone to a group chat and doing it over text.

At the end of the day you need to remember to put yourself first. People will try to tell you they’re grieving or can’t process or blah blah blah blah but your journey is about you and you alone. This is a great time of joy and fear and realizing yourself. The people who truly care about you won’t mind being put behind you.

If there’s anything else I can do to help my asks are always open, friend! Coming out is difficult but there’s not really a guidebook, just do what feels right for you.

#marshal answers

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crystalelemental · 4 months

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And the next type for High Score is...Psychic! How...completely unsurprising.

Psychic was the only type left in the "definitely prepared for High Score" category. Every other type feels like it's lacking tools, mostly supports if we're being honest with ourselves. Psychic is the last one standing that had enough to make use of. Which means very soon, we'll know if they repeat types that have been done, or if we're going into prime time of rushing out supports for each type so the mode is workable. My bet's on the latter, and I'm personally betting they push Ice early. Grusha was Support #6 (I forgot Palentine's Bea every time I talked about this), so there's a reasonable expectation for Ice being ready. And it would be miserable.

Anyway, Psychic! How ready are we?

Psychic has, if I'm not missing any (which I doubt I am, favorite type), 23 pairs at current: 5 Strike, 11 Tech, and 7 Support. Currently, no Field or Sprint pairs exist. So if they add one, expect it to be in those categories.

I'm going to start with the backbone of every High Score event: Supports. Currently, the Psychic support game is...frankly insane. On the F2P end, we have Liza, Sabrina, and MC Mesprit. There are no good Psychic eggmon supports to my knowledge. On the limited end, we have SS Dawn, who is a prime candidate for grid expansion and a rerun that month, and NY Sabrina, who is Endure Spam. On the super limited end, we have NC Bede, the best broad offensive support, and NC Rosa, who is bonkers generally. This is an absolutely insane spread of options, with some of the best in the game taking up residence. I anticipate Liza and Sabrina will be the least useful broadly, but we'll see about conditions.

The weakness of Psychic is its Strikers. Exactly five: Tate, Caitlin, Giovanni, SS Lana, and SS Lusamine. SS Lusamine will almost definitely rerun next month to prepare, which means hopefully Support Role. The main problem I take with Strike pairs in Psychic is that no one has good single-target DPS. The best in show all focus instead on no-penalty AoE, which means center is a huge, huge problem. Run SS Lusamine off-type and you'll see the issue; she loses so much on sync when off-type that her DPS really falters when taking out center in time. And SS Lana won't have access to her usual PMUN stacking allies, which is going to severely limit her potential as well. Giovanni and Tate are also the only options with secondary DPS, in Ghost (likely to be a weakness) and Rock (possible, but not a great one to have given Rock Tomb). Psychic DPS is oddly limited in this regard.

But, Tech game is very good, and very ready. Will, Lodge N, Exeggutor, and Slowbro are ready with disruption. Bianca, Anni May, Eevee Elio, and Espeon are all prepared to supply Terrain. Lucian, Anni May, Eevee Elio, and even Oak are ready with debuffs. Olympia has hilarious dodge factor, and SS Steven can flex to whatever role you need (probably striker, sorry Tate). Psychic is super stacked for Tech, but the biggest thing to keep in mind? Tech nukes supplement AoE damage. Pairing Lana and Lusamine with an explosive EX Tech pair is going to be a big focus on victory. And with options like Lucian, Eevee Elio, and Anni May as Tech nukes with supremely useful traits, they're prime candidates for success.

I think there's a good chance of a Winter Sycamore-esque outcome, where Palentine's or a random introduction will be Psychic type to drum up those sales. Hopefully they're not too heavily allocated to countering High Score specifically, though a comparable performance does have more utility in Legendary Gauntlet, where so many legends are Psychic focused. I'd most like to see a good single-target damage dealer, and my heart says Sprint pair. We're well equipped with Psychic Terrain, but Sprint is very unaccounted for, and would really focus on a strength of the type: fast-ramping.

In my ideal scenario, we get Caitlin as a Palentine's alt with Cynthia. This will not happen. But a Sygna Suit, or fuck, even a Variety scout would be something. I expect Caitlin to get nothing ever again, so like...I'll take whatever. Gothitelle doesn't feel particularly Sprint-focused, though, so I'm not certain that will happen. Palentine's is always female-centric, so Will and Lucian are out. Sabrina's a maybe but I'm not anticipating. Tate and Liza will never see focus again. Olympia...it's not impossible but it'd be way too surprising, she's not especially popular. If they drop Avery it'll be the first Psychic I skip on purpose, fuck that guy. If they drop Tulip, I'll also be upset. The only brand new addition with a confirmed Psychic I'd be cool with is Cyllene. I wouldn't expect a PokeFair to get Sprint/Support, but...you know.

What I'm getting at is I think the introduction is more likely a random addition with a Psychic type. Protagonists have a lot of flexibility as far as Pokemon goes, so it's possible we get another female protagonist for Palentine's. I'd personally hope for Kris, but it feels like Hilda's more likely, as a character with only 4 alts currently despite her popularity. I think both would get a Pokemon from a different region, though.

I can't think of any Champion getting that focus. If it is Cynthia, great, but I'm not super attached to her getting any particular Sinnoh Psychic type. Iris is unlikely, I think. Diantha's a maybe. She has Gardevoir already, but they could give her something. Maybe that could be female Meowstic? I do want female Meowstic.

Rivals...Bianca's Musharna is her default. Shauna doesn't have anything that would match. Marnie already has a Palentine's alt.

So unless they pull out a Gym Leader with something outside of their type, which admittedly has happened a lot lately, it's likely a protagonist, or a new alt for one of the Psychic masters. Or Cyllene is gonna drop. Which...I'd like that.

#pokemon masters

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phlve · 11 months

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ET(N) — Extraverted Thinking supported by Intuition

He abhors confusion, inefficiency, half measures. Dutiful and logical, extremely impersonal and objective, self-confident and fixated. Strategic, doesn't like nuances and indecision - prefers clear organization and explicit procedures - demands of people that they must follow the rules, seeks to impose on himself a sense of duty, fanatical principles. Often works according to society's judgement: his thinking is reductive and collective, "empathetic". He fixates on rationality, analysis and effective methodology. Most logical and linear, assertive type. Accumulates knowledge and raw data infinitely, always having common sense. If society knows something, he also knows it. Pathological resilience of affect and complete inexistence of personal sentiments, he negates any kind of emotion and any kind of impulse, instinct. Devoid of passions and individual thoughts or feelings, he becomes a moral compass, an example of civilized person. Does not take offense at minor things, but when his pride and honor are hurt, he may get painfully touchy. Strives for justice, expresses arrogance, ambition, confidence. Little reward. positive feedback. instead there are suspicions, jealousy, intractability, litigation, stubbornness, absorption into optimistic dreams, overvalued ideas, hard headedness. Sticks to the collective ideals and fixates onto their value. Person of ideas. Constantly increasing fear. Actively involved in his own health treatments. "A fanatic of justice". Self-willed and does not tolerate objections. Strict orders for themselves, no hypocrisy, they stake out their objectives well in advance and put a lot of systematic effort into reaching them on schedule. Irresistible urge to make decisions, declares things clearly. This type constructs a code of rules embodying society's basic judgements about the world, merging with the collective laws of reason. Enforces rules and formulas of behaviour, discipline, principles, everything. This type often has a clear set of goals and plans: he believes that he has a crusade, a mission. He thinks of himself as a hero working for the good of all humanity. Lives by the rules and makes sure that everyone else also lives by the rules. If they end up needing to change their ways, then the code of rules should be changed. Their manners and behaviour is naturally dictated by the code of rules. Everything that conforms to the rules will be right; everything that violates them will be wrong; and everything not covered by them will be unimportant. Some manifestations do not express a clear set of rules. others are stereotvpical and basically "ultimate moral compass, it varies from type manifestation.

Some fictional versions may be vigilantes (remember, this type is a justice seeker), always keeping themselves in check; "You shall not kill.", they become an overvalued ideal, an almost mythological, legendary being, they merge with fantasms and hallucinations: "I am vengeance." Their whole personality gets dictated by a concept, a law. And consequently, they become the law. They are interested in the possibilities, they have "Plan B" to everything, they have multiple procedures in order to fight possible dangers. Always prepared for surprises, hates when he loses control of the situation. They extend their thinking beyond the present, the obvious. They visualize and systematically draw a future, they have visions of the inner reality of things. Intuition heightens their intellectual interest, they often rely on passive thinking (intellectual intuitions) in order to make more and more decisions, to be more efticient, to work and achieve things. They want to make the world a better place. Tolerance for theory, but wants to make it useful, seeks new ideas and has a taste for complex problems, difficulty, struggles and puzzles. Synthetic, they reduce everything to the most essential and minimalistic, concerned for long-range consequences, wants to make investment and business. Born entrepreneurs, businessmen, rationalizers. Representatives of this type can be characterized as hard workers. However, they don't like purposeless activities - there should be a final goal everywhere. The workings of his mind are reminiscent of a computer (strong base logic). They are capable of grasping the gist of the matter, calculating all the concurrent aspects, and figuring out optimal ways solving problems (manifestation of intuition). At the same time, representatives of this type are incorrigible romantics, predisposed to traveling, adventures, and risk. Due to its intuition, often seems introverted. or in better words. reserved and anti-social or asocial: it wants to introspect and study. They have so many important things to do that they have absolutely no time left to take care of themselves. Representatives of this type don't like to improvise and cook complicated dishes in kitchen, but would rather take a recipe from a cookbook and prepare something simple and quick. Their love is introverted, they fear relationships and emotions - they might be dangerous and inefficient, irrational - yet they are emotional and quite romantic deep down: they hide their thoughts about how they relate to people and what they feel. They write poems and lyrics in order to reject those emotions. This type can like someone very much. even see himself marrying the person, but he won't talk about it, it is none of the other person's business; plus, this type imagines a mission, he has goals, more important things to do. On the surtace a person of this type is sitting around and obviously not doing anything, but in fact he/she is struggling with something on the inside, always active.

Some manifestations wants their schedule to be standard. This is one of the few types who feel comfortable working at an assembly line or doing some other routine but useful job. On the other hand. it is the zone of "unnecessary". therefore he can easily shrug off any schedule and leave for the woods, for example. He indeed tries to arrange life so that there would be no necessity to follow any external schedule, or a way of doing things (freelancing entrepreneur). His self-esteem has its basis in form, action, acts, ability to create something by his own hands "My appearance/image, my abilities, my skill, my activities". He is almost always a very capable doer. He has exact knowledge: "I can really do something" (generally, to have or extract knowledge, to know for sure. For a person of this type this is not only a skill or know-how, but also an additional existential advantage - a positive reinforcement, in essence it is the energy from society that he receives. Not seldom a person of this type has a lot of physical strength and prowess, often he/she is athletic and takes up sports. In any case, he often looks fit and sporty. Not a bad swimmer, shooter at a shooting range, car driver. He always has some money. This is also connected to the principles of his/her self-esteem: "I am good if I am strong; I am good if I am skilled and capable; I am good if I have money.". Sensory reliability is necessary. He loves hiking (the more obstacles - mountains, swamps - the better). He begins to pay attention to his health condition only when there are problems with his self-esteem or health. In this case he starts to seriously work on improving his conditions. He has a weird fear external relationships. He can be alone for a long time. All these relationships ... you know... they cause nothing but troubles. Of course, we all live in a society, and we all have relationships, at least at a conventional level. This type has a subconscious desire to keep a big distance between him and other people: "I don't need any attitudes. If I am the boss, just do what I say, no need to have an attitude toward me. When someone says to him: "I love you", it frightens him. "Things like that are not just blatantly discussed; it is better to joke and laugh and make it light, give a gift, flowers." In short, any plain gesture is better than a statement. This type usually has close relationships only with a narrow circle of friends - it may include the family members and a couple of close friends.

#personality theory #personality types #typology #cognitive functions #jung #jungian typology #et #te #et(n)#entj

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realmadridfamily · 2 years

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“My family and I are really happy in Madrid”

After the season, you spent your holidays mainly in Croatia. You travel the world for a year, but you feel best in Zadar, right? You know how they say: good everywhere, but home is best. However, I am not a person who glorifies the homeland without grounds. I have visited many beautiful places in the world and seen great places. Croatia is beautiful and Zadar and its surroundings are constantly developing. On top of that, my people are here. I have family here, childhood friends. I really feel good here. In Madrid, filled with history and greenery, you can breathe life to the full. Especially when you are an important footballer of Real Madrid and favorite of fans? Madrid is unique in its own way. I also lived in London which is also wonderful. However, in Madrid and in Spain in general, our whole family really fits the way of life and the rhythm of everyday life. I am happy as a player of the biggest club in the world, but my happiness would not be complete if I did not see the peace and satisfaction of living in Madrid with my wife Vanji and our children. That's why I am satisfied there. Your wife maintains three corners of your house? [laughs] All four angles. I am very happy because she is my wife. And imagine how it all changes, that until a few years ago she asked me, "When will you finish this, when will we have peace, when will we be together, when will you stop leaving so much?" Now is different? [laughs] Now it's the opposite! She tells me that she and everyone at home is happy that I am enjoying this stage of my career so much, because it is one of the reasons why at home I am always in a good mood and relaxed. Everything comes with age, I suppose. Your day in Madrid. How does it look like? I usually wake up around 8 o'clock and drive the kids to school. Then I go to Valdebebas, where I have breakfast and start preparing for training. I do individual exercises before working with a group and the second part of individual training after training with the team. I feel great physically, which is very important to me because it makes it easier for me to show my strengths on the pitch. I still feel like I have this rhythm shift that is innate but that you always have to care for. You're finally going home, right? [laughs] Yes, if the captain permits! [laughs] I go to school to get my kids and sometimes take them to extra classes. Ivano and Ema are training and Sofia is too young, but she is already interested in it, like a real fan. What kind of player is Ivano? He is good, but still too young to talk about his potential. He plays in the middle of the field, but I think a wing game would be better suited to him, because he is fast and light on the run. The most important thing for me is that he enjoys this sport. I can see that he likes to play football and hang out with his schoolmates. What is Ema training? Football, of course! And, oh god, she's obsessed! She loves football. She plays offense, scores a goal, she is not her father ... How is Vanja dealing with so many football players at home? [laughs] The most important thing is that the kids have fun, are in good company and thanks to sport they learn to be in a group, order, cooperate ... Will you be a nervous or a cool father? Right now I'm really cool and enjoy watching them play without worries. I like that they enjoy it. I support them and it will always be so, because I do not impose any pressure. My most important mission with Vanja is to lead the children on the right path to be aware and happy. This is the greatest happiness for me as a parent. It seems like your life in Madrid is getting better and better. Is there a chance that you will stay there after your career ends? My family and I are really happy in Madrid. But when I look at that in a longer context, it's still hard for me to think about what we're going to do tomorrow. I focus on the ball and the present. However, I do talk to Vanja about post-career plans, so the option to have Madrid as our main home for most of the year, which is during the kids' school and other such duties, is definitely there. However, that would also mean staying in Croatia for a certain part of the year.

#Sofia Modric #Ema Modric #Ivano Modric #Vanja Modric #Vanja Bosnic #Luka Modric #Real Madrid #Interview

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andromedaexists · 1 year

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WUPDATE: CALL ME ICARUS

𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙽𝚘𝚟. 𝟿𝚝𝚑 || 𝙽𝚊𝙽𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝟸

I have managed to fall pretty far behind with NaNo 😅 I guess that’s what happens when you work full time and go to class full time still

I also had a pretty bad bout of no sleep so that was fun

BUT! I hit 36,360 Words!!! I also managed to plan out the entirety of the remaining chapters for CMI. If I am able to stick to my chapter word goals, it should end up ~84k words, only 6k shy of what my original goal was!

I have also started writing chronologically again. While I was able to write out of order when my brain was doing great, i started overthinking how to link the scenes together. So, back to chronological it is!

Anywho, I know what y'all are here for. The snippet is below the cut as always!

Icarus knew something was wrong when he saw a look of horror cross the kids’ face. He turned around and saw a lumbering form come round the corner into the room.

He glanced over at Andromeda, motioning for them to get out of here with the kid. He’ll take care of this - and by take care of, he means he will distract the fucker while those two escape.

As the lumbering form came into view, Icarus groaned. He recognized the monstrosity of muscle in front of him; this was Sisyphus. The #3 Elysian, the master of blunt weaponry.

Icarus had run into him a handful of times in his childhood, but never without adult supervision. He remembers feeling like he was under a microscope whenever he was in the same room as the monster.

Now that he was under scrutiny by that things beady eyes, he understood why. He felt like he was being examined, but that would require the thing to have any braincells. No, it’s more like he was being devoured by the swampy depth of the monsters eyes.

A shiver ran down Icarus’ back as he moved into a defensive stance, preparing for whatever the bastard would throw at him. He just needed to keep his guard up until the other two got out, then he could slip out himself.

And another one for good measure because I just really hate Sisyphus

Icarus had to think of a way to get out of this situation now. He couldn’t be caught here.

As if he had heard his thoughts, Sisyphus opened his maw to reveal a mouth full of rotten teeth as he said, “<just the most vile and reprehensible shit about Andromeda and Achilles>”

With each vile word that came from that rotten mouth Icarus became more angry. How dare this disgusting excuse of a human being talk about his friends - no, his family - like that.

“Y’know, maybe after I’m done with ya I’ll pay yer girl a visit.”

He saw red. It was as if his body was possessed as he slid into an offensive stance. The only thing left in his mind was a repeating mantra of how dare he.

How dare he as Icarus lunged forward, catching Sisyphus off-guard as he ducked under his arm.

How dare he as he reached up, disarming the hulking giant easily from behind.

How dare he as he uses the weight of the mace to sweep the mans feet out from under him, knocking him to the floor with a loud thud.

How dare he, how dare he, how dare he, how DARE HE.

Taglist:

@/flowerprose @/isherwoodj @/cream-and-tea @/touchingmadness @/lockejhaven @/marinesocks @/wildswrites @/the-finch-address @/writingpotato07 @/leighvalentin @/inkspellangel @/cljordan-imperium @/outpost51 @/alleahgrinnon

Please fill out this form to be added or ask to be removed!

#call me icarus #wip update #writing #writeblr #wip excerpt #dark fantasy #wupdate #andi writes

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gabyxpp · 1 year

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Hi guys! I come to explain several things about my account :>

First of all, most likely you will find some other misspelled word in English, since my native language is Spanish, but why don't I speak Spanish and that's it? The fact is that I want to develop my English more so I can understand the language better.

And of course, on this platform most people speak English, so to be able to start a conversation, I'll better speak English.

After almost LITERALLY 1 year thinking about it, I decided to start uploading my content about my story (good thing, the story already exists as such, but I added a lot of things to it hehehehe 😶) I am super painful and everything I do makes me nervous, for I think I'm doing everything wrong and I'm going to screw it up completely.

Well now I am going to explain what my content is going to be about, first of all, my content is based on a Novel called Bloodbound from the Choices application, this is an application where you will find various stories that you can read and have a few scares with them ;-;"

My content will literally be about Bloodbound, but the story will not be the same, the story was invented by me, and by my crazy head, of course, many things are the same, such as everyone's names, some new creatures, and a change of villain .

I decided to change the villain for the story, since Gaius didn't fit much in my story to be the villain, so I decided to change to the old crazy Xenocrates;D

I would like to tell you that if you don't like my story, or you think it's too cringe, please just don't read it, this story was not created to horrify people, much less to insult someone or make fun of something, So please, I ask you not to send offensive comments, since many times that can cause a disaster.

My real name is Gabriela, but you can call me Gaby, or Gab, or just whatever you want hehe ^^

I decided to start publishing my side of the story because, one day I started to invite all this and now I have almost 4 notebooks full about the story;-;

Now I'm going to talk about the characters and their relationships, as I told you before, they all have the same name, except for the new characters and for my MC, who in the original Bloodbound story her real name is "Amy", but in this case, my MC is called Hanabi Otsumo Augustine....

while the others will continue to have their names, except for the new ones, which are characters that my crazy little head invented, and for some strange reason when I wrote their data I began to cry;-;

Most are characters that have a lot to do with Hanabi's life. Now for the part of the data that does change a lot, they are about the clans. Normally in the story when a Vampire is turned a leader gives him his last name and tattoos his logo on his shoulder in another part of the body.

If I'm not mistaken, it was right? Well, in this case it won't be the same, because the vampires each have their own clan where they are born with their own last name without anyone having to give it to them, in the clans are The Kings, The leaders, and right hands

The Kings rule the entire territory of that clan, and are above all in the armament of the kingdom

The leaders are the ones who take care of the business, they are allowed to go live in another country but still being a leader, in some cases the King appoints the leader as heir to his throne when he has no heirs or when he does not want to name his children of heirs.

The right hand of the King, is the one that authorizes and prepares the weapons for war, normally they specialize more in wars because of their intelligence

I promise that I will try to make the introductions of the main characters, it will take me a little bit, since I also try to make a story of their own for the characters, especially Hanabi

So that would be all for now, if you are curious about something, or did not understand something, please ask me and I will try to explain everything in a more understandable way.

my story is called Overclock:p

Bye bye!! ^^

#bloodbound

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hallies-travels · 1 year

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Revisiting One of My Nightmare Foods

20 April 2023

Wow. When I was younger, I learned overtime that the way my father showed love to my family was cooking for us. Although he is definitely skilled in this craft, there were times when his dishes did not appeal to everyone, especially to a picky elementary aged girl. It being his way or no way in the kitchen was usually a blessing, but on this particular summer evening, it was a curse. I remember one dinner specifically, he grilled tuna steaks for my brother, mother, and I. I always liked the canned tuna, the Bumblebee where you simply had to add a bit of mayonnaise, salt, and pepper; however, the texture of the grilled tuna steak was not nearly the same to me. Looking at the dark, charred, grill marks forming a grid over the slab of fish before me, the saltwater aroma rising off it with the heat, my stomach churned.

At the time, I was not thinking about how my dad essentially gave up his time, his passion, and his love to nourish his family. It was expensive too and as a seven or eight year old, it wasn’t something that I was never conscious of. As an adult looking back, I feel terrible. I wish I had been more grateful or even shared the cooking experience with my father to show my gratitude, even if the finished product did not appeal to my preferences. That is why I chose the tuna steak as my “revisit,” so I can overcome the negative experience I formally had, and if I don’t like it, my dad can finish it and I can feel fulfilled knowing that what I made is being genuinely enjoyed, the same goal he tried to accomplish about ten years ago, something he has succeeded at almost every time but I cannot get the dissatisfaction from the tuna steak out my head.

It’s a warm day at the beginning of April, the sky is clear and I can comfortably be outside wearing short sleeves. If I was going to get a tuna steak, I was going to make it a positive experience so I could complete the task without resentment. Seafood was never really my thing, but learning about the cultivation of aquaculture in Rhode Island tickled my fancy, if you will. Yellowfin is the most common species served for tuna steaks around this area, bluefin is a popular choice as well. With my boyfriend, I traveled to Dave's Marketplace in Smithfield, Rhode Island. Visiting the counter at the sushi station, we spent about ten minutes staring at the sushi, hoping that a cut of tuna would magically appear because we have social anxiety. After the woman working behind the counter informed us we would not find what we were looking for at her station, we ventured towards the back of the store where the fresh salmon, scallops, and other locally caught seafood was sitting on ice in the display case. Absent, of course, was the one thing I was looking for.

“Can I help you?” He was a kind man, and he directed me towards the freezer where I found a half a pound of frozen yellowfin tuna from Indonesia, meant to be seared or grilled, yay. Of course, when checking out, my debit card was declined three times because my chip is starting to degrade. I’m a pretty open book and I won’t lie, this enraged me on top of the fact that the back of my phone had shattered that morning and I was in debt to my mechanic.

Just get the tuna steak and go, I told myself.

Pondering the ways I would prepare my tuna, I know my father liked to add butter, a bit of lemon juice, salt and pepper, but I also researched different cooking methods along the way and deciphered what I would like, versus the alternative. Some folks enjoy tuna or fish in general more raw (pink/red) in the middle, but I think I would prefer mine well done. Stefan from Stefan Gourmet conducted an “experiment,” searing two pieces of tuna, one sous-vide (low temperature, using hot water and sealing the cut of meat), and the other more traditionally. I am definitely not eating a piece of tuna cooked on low temperature sitting in a water bath, ew (no offense, though). For my approach, I am unsure if I would like to use the grill or sear it in a pan, today would be a great day for the grill alas the tuna must thaw and I have class. Regardless, I know I will be cooking it for at least 10-15 minutes on each side to avoid the fleshy, softer, texture.

The finished product was pretty appetizing looking whether you like fish or not. To “add flavor” or so I like to call it, it’s probably subconsciously masking flavor. I added a bit of lemon juice and a small slab of butter on top to melt. Cutting into the tuna steak, it wasn’t the white I was expecting, there was still a faint light pink remaining but the redness completely disappeared and it did look cooked all the way through. The same grill marks I referred to before, still there now but instead of a feeling of dissatisfaction I felt a feeling of excitement, pride, and let it be my hunger or not, I was craving the dish set before me. I must have been pretty dramatic the years before, I did not detect any salty air mixed in with the aroma from the lemon juice and the charring from the grill. I was also pleasantly surprised that the dish was somewhat comparable to chicken or pork, a personal benefit from cooking the steak more thoroughly this time. I didn’t eat it with anything else either, no side dishes or appetizers or anything, a bold move but it did not have any negative consequences. Much like I discussed before, the best part of this experience was getting to share it with my father, it is strong to say that I have always had a disdain for food, but I never really saw any particular enjoyment or fun, love, or any other positive emotion with it, it was always just was what it was, food. Here, however, my father and I were talking about the preparation, the result, and even shared the dish together. The best possible outcome, it was to both of our enjoyment, I think it is even fair to say I look forward to the next time I get to try this dish! The most important thing to me is that I was able to turn the negative reaction I gave to my father into something positive, and I am proud of myself for not pulling apart the tuna steak, adding a bit of mayo, and slapping it in between two slices of bread. No dish is perfect for everyone, but this here grilled tuna steak was perfect to me.

Eat away the guilt

This time, we are both happy

This time, we can share

#food #food photography #cooking #foodblogger #travel #recipes #family traditions

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maggiealbright · 1 year

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wreck.

trigger warnings: illness, cancer, death mention/death, anxiety attack

“There are things to consider,” Olivia admonished sternly from the hallway, in the way that Olivia says things that means both ‘I support you fully’ but also ‘I am prepared to take over completely’. She had not, Maggie noticed, allowed the door to fully close. That felt like a slight, but so did most things Liv did, and Maggie didn’t have the energy anymore to figure out if it was passive aggression or actual obliviousness that made her sister so casually offensive, sometimes.

Turning away, she blinked, then watched the traffic beneath them sputter along a the street. Across it, a parking lot for employees. She’d parked there more than once. No one had bothered to give her a citation. In her experience here, the pattern of relationships is cyclical: people grow familiar. And once that happens, they grow fond, sometimes. Tolerant, at least. But more than anything, they grow sad. For you. About you.

“I’m sure they’ve discussed it,” their mother curtly dismissed, unwilling to handle both this conversation and the spat she anticipated would blossom from it. In recent weeks, every attempt Olivia made was aggressively rebuked. Maggie wasn’t hungry, even on the days she couldn’t remember eating last. Maggie didn’t need new clothes, even after a record five days without showering. Maggie didn’t want coffee, though her body screamed at her for allowing it to suffer in the absence of caffeine. She didn’t want Olivia. She didn’t want her parents—doting and prodding and touching, her, and even Jane. Her mother holding her hand. Maggie hated it. She hated that she hated it.

She wanted Jane to tell her to stop it. Say she was being ridiculous. Say it was okay.

Only one of those things, of course, was true.

There were actually things to consider, to Olivia’s credit, but they were largely easy to do so when you’ve had time to prepare, which they’d had a few months of, and Maggie was very, very good at doing. Jane wanted to be cremated, she’d decided, after weeks spent researching the absolute dumbest methods of “immortalization” imaginable—ashes shot into space, ashes turned into coral reefs, ashes littered around a Disney attraction to ruin it for everyone else.

“I want to be the best dead fiancé you’ll ever have,” she would assert sweetly, her tired eyes still, somehow, twinkling.

“You’ll be the only one,” Maggie murmured, unamused by this macabre line of thinking that Jane was somehow so comfortable existing with. Still, this was as close to a nice thing as she had to focus on, really. Josh would be her fiance forever, in a way. It had a gross, oddly sweet sentimentality.

“Fingers crossed for you,” Jane would offer, morbidly.

Anyway, so there was no burial. Not a proper, stand-at-a-graveside-and-mourn one, at least. For this, Maggie felt slightly cheated--she’d wanted to make a spectacle of her love for Jane, and since they’d run out of time for a wedding, a funeral was her next best shot. But it was not to be. Instead, Jane’s parents and siblings orchestrated a memorial for her back in Oregon, full of photoboards and music and alcohol. Maggie spent a lot of it in Jane’s parents’ en-suite, thinking about how Jane was gone, now, and this was the world after her, and it was terrifying and lonely, and she couldn’t even watch Jane be lowered into the ground, see her body taken by the dirt. Instead it sat in an urn, downstairs.

Once Maggie came back to Philadelphia, on any given night at any given time, someone was somehow always “in the neighborhood”, bringing food, or offering to pick up the living room that had become Maggie’s new home base because she couldn’t sleep in her and Jane’s bed, or do a load of laundry, or make a pot of coffee, or vacuum, or anything to force a restart, essentially, to return Maggie to factory settings, to before she became stuck like this forever, broken and useless. Caught in a loop. This would be a nice thing–and was a nice thing, really–and Maggie appreciated the nice thing openly, publicly, appropriately.

But she could not appease them. The loop was comfortable. In its’ ring laid Maggie’s entire life, the mess of it unraveled gloriously, again and again. Her life had come apart at the seems, her future now dead to her. She began to think of her life like this: not as things that may unfold, but as a series of events that had already happened, a touching montage like the ones at Jane’s memorial, played on a loop endlessly until the screens were taken down and the projectors turned off.

At least from here, in this rut, laying on her couch until four in the afternoon and then getting up only to amble around the apartment like a disoriented ghost, she could exist in the junkyard of her grief.

Nothing she owned could be passed without Jane’s memory flooding her—the bed Jane broke when they moved in, but gave an Oscar-worthy performance pretending it was already like that; the stupid, threadbare t-shirt from her high school volleyball team in the laundry basket. She kept it there for weeks, afraid to touch it.

—

The truth of Maggie’s wreck was not that it was beautiful, or poetic or sweet or romantic or deserving–or even capable–of being understood. It was just, as wrecks often are, a devastation. She felt mangled for months, as though she’d gone countless rounds with an invisible opponent, death and all its fanfare having kicked the shit out of her.

She had texted with Jane’s siblings periodically, usually cursory check-ins. But she spoke to Jane’s parents once a week on the phone, like clockwork on Sunday evening, and each time they sounded so outrageously sad for her that her hands shook; as soon as they’d said their goodbyes, she’d power the phone down and shove it in her bedside table, not turning it back on until the next afternoon. She was afraid to leave the house, afraid to be seen, to be perceived. She spent all of her PTO and sick days laying in bed.

The night before she was due to return to work, she hid in the bathroom for hours, her chest convulsing. She called her sister. Within twenty minutes, Olivia was at her door, using her key, rushing her way in. She acted as if it was an emergency, and maybe it was. Maggie laid in her lap for hours, until finally, Olivia coaxed her into bed. They laid facing each other, their hands clasped, as they sometimes did when they were little.

The next morning over silent coffee, Olivia said plainly, in her ‘I totally support you’ and ‘I’m prepared to take over completely’ voice, “You need to go to therapy.”

And she was right.

It was a Thursday family dinner when she informed the family--well, her parents and Olivia and Olivia’s boyfriend (she thinks his name is Greg, but it doesn’t really matter, because Maggie has spoken to him twice and both instances have been about—you guessed it—Olivia)-- of her plans. There were many differing opinions offered without restraint or regard for how much Maggie cared about them on renting a car in contrast to flying. Nobody told her it was a bad idea. Nobody told her it wasn’t the right time. Her father, notably quiet, simply looked at her for a long time, until Olivia asked him to pass the green beans.

“I think she knows when she’s ready,” she heard her mother saying later as she did her nightly cold cream/eye serum routine in the upstairs bathroom. She could not--didn’t want to--hear her father’s response. The truth was, she didn’t know. She didn’t know what quantified being ready, what that metric looked like when it was met. She just knew she wanted to do this. And maybe that was enough. Jane would have thought it was enough. Jane was ready.

Jane had been ready.

—

Maggie had never been a big fan of being outdoorsy, and she knew Jane knew that, and she knew Jane knew that and still did with this information what she had--left specific instructions in a note, to be carried out “whenever.” Jane would often have to beg Maggie to go for a hike with her, and when she relented, she’d complain for the majority of it. They’d fought about it, a few times–-or, more, about how Maggie didn’t do anything without complaining, and how Jane never let her do anything without making her feel like she had to enjoy herself, and then Jane called Maggie immature, not understanding why she needed to lash out when she had the slightest idea that something might change, or be different. Maggie could remember almost all of the exchange now as she worked her way through the woods toward some unknown endpoint, surrounded by the thing Jane loved, and, so, surrounded by the idea of her, and, so, surrounded by the idea of her being gone. Maggie timed her footfalls with her breathing, and found it hard to exhale evenly, the air catching in her throat.

Maggie had once said on a drive home from some trail in the Catskills--a Jane vacation pick--that the water was “pretty but that she didn’t need to see a waterfall to know that”, and that the “colors of the leaves weren’t reason enough for her to go spend four hours in the rain walking through mud”, and that “all trees looked the same”. Now, Maggie looked up from her feet to find that, here, she was right--all trees did look the same: tall and ominous and all-knowing. She felt small.

The waterfall grew louder, soon, almost deafening, and Maggie’s heart lurched, starting to pound in her ears. There were so many mechanics to this she hadn’t considered: what if there were other people? How much did she leave? How much could she stand to lose? How much did it even matter.

When she finally arrived at its base and beheld it in all its’ splendor, hundreds of feet tall, she wanted to feel majesty. She wanted to feel moved. Instead, she simply felt validated: it was…a waterfall.

Well, Jane’s waterfall, now.

That night, in the motel off of Route 5 that advertised $59-a-night rooms and a Jacuzzi tub with a ‘z’ missing from the sign, Maggie laid on top of the covers, listening to the sound of the rain pounding against the window. She’d planned to star her drive home in earnest, but quit after two hours of white knuckle driving in zero visibility, and here, in a kind of stasis between what she’d just done and her daily life, she had the burden of time.

She thought about the book from the library that she liked the most, the one that didn’t encourage staying busy or being strong–it was “A Beginner’s Guide.” She only remembered bits and pieces of it, having read it over the course of a handful of hours in the middle of the night and then moved on to the next one that had been given 4+ stars on the internet, but the pieces she remembered seemed more important now than they had at the time. That stasis–the loop--can end. Should end. Will end.

But this one–the one where she moved through grief like thick fog, the one where she was always Poor Maggie, the one where she would wake up to an empty bed and cry about a toothbrush or a shower loofah–this was infinite. This loop was her entire existence, now. This loop was where she kept Jane, in whatever sick way.

She took in a deep, shaky breath, and then a wracking sob shook itself loose from her ribs, clawing its way out. She hid her face in her hands, the cool of her ring pressing into her cheek.

This was not what she had thought might happen when she had read the books, or watched the movies, or listened to the music, or talked to her therapist. It didn’t even feel like the grieving she was supposed to be doing. It wasn’t beautiful, and it wasn’t meaningful, and it certainly wasn’t gratifying. It didn’t feel like a release. It didn’t feel like anything.

It just hurt. It just was.

In all the time she had had since Jane’s diagnosis, in the hours of research and planning, in the nights alone in the apartment, she had never felt this.

This was something new. Something foreign.

It was the wreck of her entire life, shattered and twisted, incomprehensibly destroyed, laying before her, waiting on her to be reassembled. A day would come, eventually, when the pieces would need to be recognizable again. Sorted. Then, usable. Purposeful. Meaningful. Something Jane would love. Something Jane would be proud of.

Even if it was without her.

#self para.#cancer tw #death mention tw #anxiety attack tw #illness tw #ft. jane arnet

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angstybreadstyx · 3 years

Text

Anyways, here’s the OBSCENELY long post of songs that make me think of Wereworld. If any of the links are wrong please lmk! Also there’s probably a ton I’m forgetting that I’ll add later.

Stromae-Carmen (Hector)

Phantogram-Black Out Days (Opal)

Jack Stauber-There’s Something Happening (Vega)

Pluto X Ye-Breath (Trent)

Louie Zong-Pumpkin’s Revenge (Hector)

Mother Mother- Get Out the Way (Opal)

Zhu & Nero-Dreams (Lucas)

Jack Stauber-Cupid (Hector)

MARINA-Bubblegum Bitch (Gretchen)

MARINA-Teen Idle (Gretchen)

Florenceandthemachine-Girl With One Eye (Gretchen, Lucas)

BROCKHAMPTON-RENTAL (Hector)

Bad Books-Baby Shoes (Trent)

TV Girl-Not Allowed (Hector)

Oh Wonder-Without you Justice Skolnik Remix (Wereworld in general)

Gorillaz-Rhinestone Eyes (book 6)

Eyedress-Jealous (Hector, Drew)

Tallyhall-& (Wereworld in general)

Possibly in Michigan-Animal Cannibal (Trent, Lucas)

Billie Eilish-Therefore I Am (Opal)

Molina-Hey Kids (Lucas)

Updog-Dying Breath (Trent)

Bo en-Everyday (Main 5)

MISSIO-Twisted (Hector)

SYKO-Brooklynbloodpop (Lucas)

MARETU-Darling (Drew, Hector)

MARETU-SIU (Hector)

Hoosiers-A Sadness runs through him (Hector)

Jack Stauber-Angel (Drew, Hector)

FEiN-Loved (Manfred, Hector)

Robert DeLong, K Flay-Favorite Color is Blue (brown Hector)

Li ncoln-Saint Bernard (Trent)

FANGCLUB-Vulture Culture (Vincent)

Billie Eilish-Bellyache (Opal)

METAROOM-Temptation Stairway OST, Waltz Variation (Hector)

Mag.Lo-TEAM (Lucas)

SWARM-The Nothing (Trent)

Veorra, The Teck Thieves-Ghost Town (Trent)

SAIMÉS-The Wolf (Trent)

MusicbyAden-Monster (Trent)

Jack Stauber-Estranger (Opal, Taboo)

Max Bhron-Cyberpunk (Gretchen)

Midnight to Monaco-Suicide, Weathin Remix (Taboo)

Mickey Valen, Mothica-Overthinking (Gretchen)

MARETU-NAMIDA (Trent)

GHOST-Honey I’m Home (Hector)

AGOSTI-Triangles (Main 5)

Nero’s Day at Disneyland-In Aisles (Lucas)

Updog-Useless (Trent)

KHEMMIS-A Conversation With Death (Hector)

Hop Along Queen Ansleis-Bruno is Orange (Hector)

Caravan Palace-Beatphone (Main 5)

EDITORS- Eat Raw Meat (Trent, Lucas)

Glass Animals-Gooey (Trent)

TLT, Salvonic-Epoch (Trent)

Jack Stauber-Two Time (Drew, Hector)

Jack Stauber-Choice (Main 5)

Jack Stauber-Fighter (Gretchen)

Mystery Skulls- Told Ya (Book 6)

Naughty Boy, Lalala (Hector)

Troyboi-On My Own (Hector)

Spektrem-Shine (Wereworld in general)

The Oh Hellos- Soldier Poet King (Main 5)

Tribe Society-Kings (Hector)

SIVIK-High (Hector, Drew, Vincent)

Sub Urban-Cradles (Hector)

IAMX, Imogen Heap- My Secret Friend (Hector, Vincent)

Glass Animals-Other Side of Paradise (Hector)

Skyper-Hero (Hector)

Glass Animals-Toes (Hector)

Crystal Castle-Reckless (Hector)

Troyboi-Do You? (Hector, Vincent)

Mother Mother-Chasing it Down (Hector)

Dathan-I Think I’m Falling for Ya (Hector, Drew)

Glass Animals-Pork Soda (Hector, Drew)

Verzache-Needs (Hector)

AViVA-GRRRLS (Opal)

Hush Sound-You Are the Moon (Hector)

Jack Conte-Yeah Yeah Yeah (Hector)

Jack Stauber-Library (Hector)

The Neighbourhood-Afraid (Hector)

Tangled-Ready as I’ll Ever be (Wereworld in general)

Mother Mother- Oh Ana (Hector)

MISSIO-Kamikazee (Hector)

LOONA, Odd Eye Circle-LOONATIC (Hector, Drew)

Britney Spears-Toxic 2WEI Remix (Wereworld in General)

Saint Mesa-Fire (Book 4)

PowaPowa P-At a Dreams Mercy (Hector)

Crywank-Memento Mori (Hector)

Cranberries-Ridiculous Thoughts (Drew)

Cranberries-Hollywood (Wereworld in General)

Cranberries-Promises (Hector)

Cranberries-Animal Instinct (Gretchen)

Forrest Day-Sleepwalk (Hector)

#exposing my music taste #I also do listen to a lot of rap and hip hop especially from the 90s but that doesn’t make good Wereworld content #I think the most offensive thing about this is that I am completely prepared to make an AMV or meme for each one of these songs #and ill probably never have time to do them all #Wereworld #you can also use this list to figure out which characters take up what percentage of my brain space

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waitimcomingtoo · 3 years

Text

I’m Not Half as Bad as You’ve Been Told

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Synopsis: Loki is arrested by the TVA for what he did to you

This can be read on it’s own or as a spin off of in case you don’t live forever

Masterlist

Loki woke up in the Gobi Dessert in Mongolia after being ejected from the sky. The last thing he remembered was taking the tesseract after getting caught by the Avengers in New York. When he opened his eyes, he was met with four armed guards with their weapons pointed at them.

“Hunter B-15 with the Time Variance Authority here. Appears to be a standard sequence violation.” Hunter B-15 read off a small monitor. “Oh and look at that, you’re one of the TVA’s most wanted.”

“I beg your pardon?” Loki asked as he got off the ground.

“Hands up.” Hunter B-15 raised her weapon. “You’re coming with us.”

Before Loki could protest, he was knocked out and had a collar placed around his neck. He was brought to the TVA headquarters and handed off to Agent Mobius after being screened.

“Loki Laufeyson. I’m agent Mobius.” Mobius introduced himself as Loki tugged at his collar. “I hear the Time Keepers find you guilty of tampering with the sacred timeline.”

“The what?” Loki huffed.

“The sacred timeline. Looks like you stole the tesseract and committed crimes against the midgardian Y/n L/n.” The Mobius read off Loki’s file.

“Y/n?” Loki stumbled back at the unexpected mention of your name. “This is about her?”

“That’s part of your charges, yes. You’ll be given more details at your trial. But I’d ike to have a talk with you first. Come this way.” Mobius nodded towards the side and lead Loki to a room with a projector on a long conference table.

“What does this have to do with Y/n? Where is she? Is she all right?” Loki asked as he took a seat behind the projector. He had worried about you since the day you left him, even after you told him you never wanted to see him again.

“She’s fine.” Mobius assured him. “Even after you got a hold of her.”

“Is she here?” Loki hoped. “Could I see her?”

“No.” Mobius answered, making Loki’s face crumple. “She’s on Earth. You know, her home.”

“I know Midgard is her home.” Loki narrowed his eyes. “I also know how much she hated it there. But this all happened ages ago. Why am I being arrested for it now?”

“Well when you took the tesseract from its set path, the TVA was alerted and noticed that this wasn’t your first offense of tampering with the sacred time line. They saw that Y/n L/n never made it back to earth in 2019 after going to Asgard to retrieve the Aether. It went undetected at the time since the Aether made it back to earth like it was supposed to. She was supposed to go back as well, but she never made it. You were the one that kept her there.”

“How is that a crime?” Loki asked. “She wanted to stay with me. She was happy! She was happy on Asgard.”

“Was she?” Mobius raised his eyebrows and turned on the screen. “Because I think she was taken from her family, friends and home. Maybe I’m mistaken, though. Let’s take a look.”

Mobius pressed a button on a remote, and a projection appeared in front of them. Mobius began to fast forward through the foundational moments in Loki’s life until he got to what he was looking for. Loki watched in shock as an image of you, Thor, and Rocket creeping around a pillar in his home appeared on the screen. He wanted to shut his eyes and look away, but it had been so long since he’d seen you. He didn’t have the strength to look away from you now.

“I’m sure you remember why she was there.” Mobius said as he watched the scene unfold. “All she wanted was the infinity stone. She was trying to save the world. She missed her boyfriend and wanted to undo all the damage that Thanos had done. You couldn’t let her do that, could you?”

“The stone still made it back to earth.” Loki protested. “She said herself that she wasn’t an important part of the plan. And her “boyfriend” was nothing but dust particles. She-“

“Shh.” Mobius waved his hand. “The shows about to begin.”

Loki painfully returned his attention to the screen right as your first introduction played out. It was your job to distract Loki while Thor and Rocket collected the Aether.

Asgard 2013

“Who goes there?” Loki cringed at the sound of his own voice. He watched Rocket and Thor hide behind a pillar while you went out into the open. You walked into a room and found Loki lying on a couch, tossing something in the air and catching it. Loki sat up when he saw you, immediately on high alert.

“Who are you?” He demanded. “How did you get in here?”

“I’m so sorry, but my friends and I are here for the festival and I just had to sneak away to find you.” You gushed, trying to it best to look innocent. Loki took long strides towards you as he took in your appearance, highly skeptical of your story.

“My brother isn’t here.” Loki informed you, his voice thick with annoyance. “So you should best be on your way.”

“I’m not here for your brother.” You said coyly. You held his gaze as you signaled for Thor and Rocket to move to the next room.

“You’re here for me?” He cleared his throat to mask the disbelief in his voice. You nodded sweetly as Thor and Rocket snuck past you.

“Of course. My friends are obsessed with your brother, but I’ve always loved you. Won’t you show me a magic trick?” You batted your eyes flirtatiously, making a slight smirk appear on Loki’s face. Meanwhile, the present day Loki was watching the interaction with a pained expression. He remembered how it felt that first time you said you loved him. That was all he needed to hear before falling in love with you just the same.

“A magic trick?” The Loki on screen asked, mischief swirling behind his eyes.

“Well you are the God of Mischief, aren’t you?” You tilted your head to the side and looked at him through your eyelashes. A full, open mouthed smirk dressed his face now. His hand went to yours and it held it up, keeping your wrist tightly between his fingers. Loki brushed the fingers on his other hand over your palm and a diamond appeared. You looked at the beautiful diamond, weightless in your hand, and let out an unexpected gasp.

“Oh, Loki. That’s amazing.” You gave him an over dramatic sigh, but he completely fell for it. “But I don’t care much for diamonds. I haven’t any use for them.”

Loki felt a twinge of competition brewing in his chest, like he had to win your approval. You faked a yawn and his eyes gleamed with determination.

“You don’t like that? Well how about this?” Loki challenged and waved his fingers over your palm again. This time, a flower appeared. It didn’t look like any earthly flower. It was ten times more beautiful and smelled better than anything you had ever smelled before. The flowers colors were green and black with accents of gold, just like Loki’s outfit. You stared at the flower in amazement before looking up shyly at him. If you weren’t mistaken, the God of Mischief had a blush on his cheeks as he watched your face carefully for approval. Loki then picked up the flower and tucked it behind your ear. He began to lean in slightly, but you were interrupted by Thor and Rocket knocking over a vase. You noticed they had the stone and were ready to go. Luckily, you saw them before Loki did.

“What was-“ Loki began to turn his head towards the sound but you quickly put a hand behind his head and pulled him into a kiss. You felt his eyes flutter shut as you opened yours, catching sight of Rocket and Thor pretending to gag out of the corner of your eye. With one hand, you motioned for them to move. They quickly scattered and you pulled away from the kiss. Loki was fully blushing now but doing his best to conceal it, though his best wasn’t good enough. He seemed completely bewildered, making you wonder if he’d ever kissed anyone before. You touched your fingertips to your lips and felt a pang of guilt. This was your first time kissing someone other than Peter Parker in 5 years, and it made you feel guilty with how much you enjoyed it. Loki appeared to be just as lost in his thoughts as you were as he struggled to catch his breath. He ran a hand over the long black hair that you had slightly messed up in the back.

“Thanks for the flower. And for everything else. Bye!” You tried to make a quick escape, but Loki caught your arm.

“Wait!” He pulled you back towards him and looked at you with wide eyes. “Will I see you again?”

“No.” You smiled sadly. “I don’t think you will.”

“You’re not from here, are you?” He asked. “I know a Midgardian when I see one.”

“Good catch.” You let out a short laugh. “No, I’m not from here. I’m not even from this reality. I just needed to borrow something from your present. I’m from Earth, and I really have to get back.”

You tried to leave again, but Loki followed after to you and caught you by the waist. You stumbled back into his arms and blinked in surprise.

“Won’t you stay?” He asked hopefully. “We only just met. Do you have to leave so soon?”

“I do.” You frowned. “I’m sorry. I really need to go home.”

“All right.” Loki reluctantly let go of you. “If you must.”

You looked at him for a moment and chewed on your bottom lip, contemplating what to do. You looked behind you and saw Thor and Rocket preparing to leave. You motioned for them to leave without you before looking back at Loki.

“Do you have a pen?” You asked him.

“A what?”

“To write with.” You chuckled and motioned as of you were writing something down. Loki waved his hand and made a quill appear out of thin air, along with a piece of paper.

“That’ll work.” You shrugged and took the quill. You wrote your name and address down on the paper and handed it to him.

“If you’re ever on earth.” You smiled shyly. “Come find me.”

“I will.” He nodded eagerly.

“I really have to go now.” You said as you looked over your shoulder to where Thor was hiding. You turned back to Loki and gave him one last kiss, surprising the both of you.

“You’ll see me again.” You said softly. “Maybe not in this timeline, but the next.”

“That’s enough.” Loki interrupted, making the screen pause. “I know what happens. And since you’ve been studying me all my life as you claim, so do you. We don’t need to watch anymore.”

“I get it, you’re impatient.” Mobius held up his hands. “We can fast forward. How about we go to the part where you used magic to break her suit? Your brother was able to get back to Earth just fine, but she was stuck on Asgard. All because of you.”

Mobius pointed a remote at the screen and fast forwarding through Loki sneaking you to his bed chambers. He stopped when he got to you and Loki sitting on his silk sheeted bed.

“I don’t know why it won’t work.” You sighed as you touched all the buttons on your suit. “I must’ve run out of Pym Particles or something. I need to fix it so I can get back to Earth.”

“Right, right. Earth.” Loki said with disinterest. “What did you need to borrow anyway?”

“The aether.” You told him as the decor in his room caught your attention. You began to look at all his golden trinkets and stolen objects with awe.

“An infinity stone?” He was taken aback. “But why?”

“In the future, Thanos wipes out half the universe.” You began. “I’m on a recovery mission with the rest of the Avengers to collect the Infinity Stones to undo what he did. We’re trying to bring all the people back.”

“Half the people in the universe gone?” He gasped. “That sounds awful.”

“It is.” You stilled for a moment. “Honestly, I’m miserable. Absolutely miserable. All my family vanished. My boyfriend is gone. Half the Avengers are gone. The sky isn’t even blue anymore. It’s horrible.”

“So you aren’t happy there?” Loki asked as he walked over to you, a little jealousy bubbling when you mentioned a boyfriend.

“I hate it.” You admitted. “Everywhere I turn, I’m reminded of what I lost. That’s why it’s so important that we bring everyone back.”

“But what if your plan fails?” Loki wondered. “What if you don’t bring back all the stones? Or what if you do, but it doesn’t bring anyway back?”

“Then I don’t know what I’d do.” You shrugged sadly. “This plan is all I have. If it fails…”

“You don’t even want to think about that, do you?” He finished your sentence when you trailed off. You looked at him and nodded softly, grateful that he understood.

“Yeah.” You said quietly. “It’s too hard to imagine.”

“See?” Loki interrupted again. “She was miserable on Earth. She said it herself. I was trying to save her from a lifetime of misery.”

“I think you’re forgetting something.” Mobius reminded him.

“Forgetting what?” Loki scoffed.

“The plan worked.” Mobius said. “Thor brought the Aether back to her original timeline, and the Avengers were able to bring everyone back. She was supposed to go too, but she was left on Asgard. That was your first offense with the TVA.”

“Oh, screw the TVA.” Loki slammed his hand on the table. “She didn’t want to go back to Earth. She was unhappy there.”

“Is that why you told her Earth was destroyed?” Mobius asked. Loki stilled and sank in his seat as he was reminded of his lies. Mobius fast forwarded again, but didn’t play another scene. Instead, he paused on a clip of you looked utterly devestated. Loki had to look away, not wanting to see you in that much pain.

“Now, I’m not gonna play this part.” Mobius shook his head. “Because even I find it hard to watch. But you need to know what you did, so I’ll remind you.”

“You don’t need to do this.” Loki seethed. “I know what I did. I know what I told her.”

“Fine, then.” Mobius shrugged. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

Loki sucked in a sharp breath before looking back at the screen. The image of your desolate expression had never left his memory, so he really didn’t need to see it again to be reminded of what he had done.

“She tried to leave again.” Loki began as he stared at the screen. “I knocked her out with my magic. When she woke up, I told her Thanos had destroyed Earth and everyone on it. I said there was nothing left for her to return to.”

“She was devestated.” Mobius said quietly.

“I know she was.” Loki snapped. “She cried for a month straight.”

“So why’d you do it?” Mobius put his hands on his hips. “Why did you lie to her?”

“I didn’t want her to go.” Loki admitted, growing disgusted with himself. “I wanted her to stay with me on Asgard. She wouldn’t want to go back to Earth if she thought there was no Earth to go back to.”

“Why keep her?” Mobius wondered. “You barely knew her. Why hold her hostage like that?”

“She wasn’t held hostage.” Loki growled. “She was safe and loved and happy. No one on Asgard was taken better care of than she was. And I may not have known here when she first arrived, but we became inseparable after a while. We were almost married, for Odin’s sake. I’ll show you.”

Loki grabbed the remote from Mobius and pressed a button, fast forwarding until he found what he was looking for.

“Look.” Loki proudly pointed to the screen. “Watch this.”

He pressed play and watched as a memory of you and him played out on the screen.

“Where are we going?” You asked as Loki lead you somewhere with his hands over your eyes.

“Almost there. So impatient.” He clicked his tongue.

“You’ve taken me around the whole palace.” You chuckled. “I have a right to be impatient.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Loki stopped walking but didn’t remove his hands. “All right. We’re here.”

You pulled his hands off of your face and found yourself in front of two large green doors.

“Wow.” You said sarcastically. “Doors.

“Open the doors.” He rolled his eyes. You gave him a playful look over your shoulder before pushing the doors open.

“Oh my God.” You gasped when the doors opened. The room was decorated from ceiling to floor with all kinds of Asgardian wildlife. I’m the center of the room, your name was spelled out in the flower Loki had presented you with on the day you met. There was a running waterfall that cascading from the ceiling to the ground, leaving a soothing babbling sound throughout the room.

“It’s yours.” Loki said as he watched your reaction. “You mentioned once that you always wanted a garden. Now you do.”

“Oh, Loki.” You turned around and rushed into his arms. He stumbled back in surprise before hugging you back tightly.

“This is the nicest thing anyones ever done for me.” You mumbled against his chest.

“Well, you’ve been so upset lately. I wanted to cheer you up.” He said as he stroked your hair. It had been a month since he lied to you and told you that Earth was destroyed, and you were finally starting to act like yourself again.

“Thank you.” You pulled away to look at him. “I love it. It’s beautiful.”

“I truly hope you like it, darling.” He said softly as he brushed your cheek with his thumb. “It’s all yours.”

You looked into his eyes for a moment before your gaze fell to his lips. Since your last kiss, Loki had brought you food and kept you company every day. You had a built up a friendship with him since arriving to Asgard, but now you felt differently. There was a connection from the very first day, but it had gotten lost in your lament over your planets alleged destruction. Now, there was nothing stopping you from feeling that connection again. You hesitated before leaning it to kiss him. Just like last time, you felt his eyes flutter shut before he kissed you back. His hands cupped your face as you reached your arms around his neck. Loki watched your first kiss on the screen with a proud but mournful smile.

“Isn’t that something?” Mobius said as he paused the screen. Loki blinked back to reality and wiped his face, not realizing until that moment he had been crying.

“That scene speaks for itself.” Loki cleared his throat and tried to act like he hadn’t been crying. “You can see how happy she was. She loved that garden. And she loved me.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Mobius nodded. “But it’s hard to see past the fact that your entire relationship was built on a lie. She was only with you because she thought her home was destroyed.”

“She was with me for three years.” Loki said sharply. “The lie may have kept her there in the beginning, but she stayed willingly after that. She wanted to be on Asgard. She wanted to be with me.”

“Maybe. But she wasn’t supposed to be.” Mobius reminded him. “That wasn’t her timeline. She was supposed to be on Earth. She was supposed to be with Peter.”

“Peter?” Loki sputtered in disdain. “Peter Parker? Her little boyfriend from when she was a teenager?”

“In most time lines, they end up together.” Mobius said, knocking the wind out of Loki’s chest. “She went on that mission because she wanted to bring him back. Do you think she would have stayed, even for a second, if she knew her boyfriend Peter was alive back on Earth?”

“She told me they were 17 when the Thanos wiped out half the universe. That means Peter would’ve been 17 when he returned. She was 22 when she came to Asgard. She hadn’t been his girlfriend for 5 years. She had grown up. Her life went on. They would’ve had nothing in common anymore.”

“But she was supposed-“

“Who cares what she was supposed to do?” Loki snapped. “Why does the TVA get to decided what she was supposed to do or where she was supposed to be?”

“They’re the Time Keepers. They make the rules. And the rules say you can’t take someone from a different timeline and marry them. Oh, that reminds me.”

“Reminds you of what?”

“Your punishment. Mobius pressed a different button and a cloudy box appeared. “Go in there while I get the rest of your files.”

“What? I’m not going in there.” Loki scoffed.

“Don’t make me get the guards.” Mobius sighed. Loki clenched his jaw and looked at the ceiling, not wanting to be overpowered by the guards again. He reluctantly stood up, gave Mobius a sarcastic smile, and went through the cloudy portal.

As soon as Loki stepped through the portal, he stepped into his bedroom back on Asgard. He took another step forward, just as something stirred in his sheets. You sat up all the sudden, hair messy and wearing Loki’s horned crown. It was too big for your head and hung in your eyes, but the sight still took Loki’s breath away.

“Y/n?” Loki gasped and stepped forward.

“Hi.” You said before yawning. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Go ahead.” Loki nodded eagerly. He failed to see how this was a punishment. It had been so long since he last saw you that this felt more like a reward.

“I want our wedding to be earth themed.” You told him as you took his hands in yours.

“Our…our wedding?” Loki asked. He looked around the room and realized that he was not actually with you, but reliving a memory from years ago.

“Yeah.” You smiled shyly. “I just miss it so much. I want it to be a part of our special day.”

Loki found himself at a loss for words. He knew that when this memory originally happened, he had continued to lie to you and lead you to believe Earth had been destroyed. This time, he knew better and kept his mouth shut.

“We could have sunflowers.” You continued. “That was my favorite flower back on earth. And we could serve earth food and play earth music and-“

“Of course darling.” He cut you off and squeezed your hand. “Whatever you want. We will have it all.”

“Thank you. And if it’s not too much to ask, I want a minute of silence where everyone lights a candle.” You said quietly. “For Peter.”

Loki gulped and forced a smile, that line causing him just as much pain now as it did then.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” You stood up from the bed and hugged him tightly. Loki hugged you back with a troubling frown on his face. He had forgotten how guilty he felt every time he had to lie to you. He pulled away and brought you into a long kiss, wordlessly trying to convey that he loved you and was sorry.

“I can’t wait. I can’t tell you how much I miss earth.” You sighed against his lips.

“Mm hm.” He gulped.

“I just wish I could’ve seen it one last time.” You frowned, eyes growing tearful. “I feel so guilty all the time. I would’ve died too if I had gone back with Thor when I was supposed to.”

“Then it’s a good thing you didn’t go.” Loki said weakly, knowing Thor was very much alive in your timeline back on Earth.

“I know.” You sighed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to shake the survivors guilt. It makes me sick sometimes.”

Loki stayed silent as he fingers drummed against your waist. Before he could respond, his body jerked back and he suddenly reentered the room.

“Hi.” You said before yawning. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Loki looked behind him before looking back at you. The memory played all over again, forcing him to lie to you once again. When you told him how guilty you felt, he was sent back and had to relive the moment over again. Each time he had to lie to you, he felt more disgusted with himself. After the thirteenth time, he had enough.

“I lied to you.” He admitted. “Earth was never destroyed. Thor and all the Avengers and your family, they’re all fine.”

“What?” You blinked in confusion.

“I’m not your savior. I didn’t save you from anything. I stole you from your time line because I fell in love with you the moment we met. You were the first person to show a a genuine interest in me, and I took advantage of that. And for that, I am deeply, deeply sorry.”

“Oh, Loki.” You sighed and stroked his face. “It’s too late for that.”

“What?” He frowned as he wrapped his hand around your wrist to keep your palm against his face.

“I’m not even here.” You whispered.

“All right Loki.” Mobius walked through the portal before Loki could answer you. “I got the rest of your files. Let’s go.”

“But…I can’t just leave her.” Loki held on to you tightly.

“She’s not even real.” Mobius shrugged as he held up his remote. It pulled Loki back through the portal and he stumbled back into his seat.

“Here’s the last one.” Mobius said, but Loki wasn’t listening. He was still thinking about how it felt to touch you one last time. He blinked back a tear before looking up at the screen. You were there once again, talking to one of the new maids.

“Oh, I wasn’t born here.” He heard you telling the maid. “I’m from Earth.”

“A midgardian?” The maid smiled. “Wow. You’re quite far from home.”

“I know.” You smiled sadly. “I miss it every day. But I’m happy here. I’m really happy with Loki.”

“If you miss it, why don’t you go back?” The maid asked, making Loki suck in a breath. He knew exactly what was coming.

“Go back?” You furrowed your eyebrows. “What do you mean? Earth was destroyed three years ago.”

“No it wasn’t.” The nurse laughed. “Earth is fine.”

The audio faded out as you turned to look at Loki. He felt like you were looking right through him, down to his rotten soul. Your face was frozen in horror and betrayal as you finally learned the truth. Three years after arriving on Asgard, you found out your home hadn’t been destroyed after all. It was all a lie. A lie told to you by the man you thought you loved.

“Stop.” Loki choked out. “Stop it. Turn it off.”

Mobius paused the screen and looked at Loki in silence. To his surprise, Loki was wiping his tears off on the sleeves of his jumpsuit. His eyes were red and full of remorse as he looked up at the screen.

“I don’t need it see it again.” He whispered. “I know she trusted me. I know I betrayed her. I did that.”

“So you understand why the TVA is arresting you?” Mobius asked softly. “You didn’t just steal the tesseract. You stole that girl from her reality. Even if she loved you, she was never supposed to be with you.”

Loki nodded before hanging his head in shame. He knew what he had done was wrong. He knew it the entire time he was doing it. Even though he betrayed you out of his love for you, he still betrayed you.

“You’re right.” Loki said sincerely. “She was never mine to keep. Never mine to lose either.”

“No, she wasn’t.” Mobius agreed as he watched Loki curiously. The look of utter remorse on Loki’s face was out of character after everything Mobius had studied about him.

“Could you just tell me if she’s all right?” Loki sniffled. “That’s all I ask. Is she okay?”

“She’s fine.” Mobius answered. “She’s fighting for the Avengers again and reunited with her family.”

“Is she still miserable?”

“No.” Mobius smiled a little. “Not anymore.”

“And…and Peter?” His voice was barely audible now.

“Don’t worry about that.” Mobius told him. “It won’t do you any good. And for what it’s worth, there are timelines that exists where she stays. There’s even a timeline where you two are alligators and rule a kingdom in a lake.”

Loki smiled too, grateful that you were able to move on after his betrayal. Mobius furrowed his eyebrows at the sight of Loki genuinely caring about another human being, something he was not used to seeing.

“I could show you one more thing.” Mobius offered sympathetically. Loki reluctantly looked back at the screen as the man his play. To his surprise, all the good moments of his relationship with you flashed before him. All the kisses and laughter, fond smiles and endearing moments played on the screen, bringing tears to his eyes. He leaned toward on the table to get as close to you as possible, reaching out towards you with his shackled hands. The screen went blank suddenly, and his smile fell.

“They’re ready for you.” Mobius said as he checked his phone. “I can take you to the court now.”

Loki stayed silent as he was lead to the courtroom and sat in front of the judge. All he could think about was the moments of happiness he had been able to relive.

“Loki Laufeyson.” The judge brought his attention back. “How do you plead?

Loki blinked a few times, your smile flashing before him each time he closed his eyes. He thought about he had caused that smile to fade with every lie he told, and that’s when he knew he had his answer. He looked the judge right in the eye and entered his plea.

“Guilty.”

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