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foryoumyheroes · 4 years

Text

Celebrity C-C-Crush

[Bakugou + Todoroki + Amajiki]’s crush has their own crush on another Pro-Hero.

A/N:

I know that this is obvious, but I thought that I should reinstate that the “reader” is depicted as being in high school and all of their crushes are over eighteen. While they are nice to the reader, they are in no way reciprocating, pursuing, or even entertaining the idea of being with a minor. It is purely one-sided. Happy reading!

Warnings: slight OPM crossover.

Bakugou Katsuki:

Bakugou probably spends so much time to get you to notice him. I headcanon that when he’s attracted to someone, he just has the urge to show off 100% more to silently tell his crush that he’s capable.

Whether it be by teasing you more than others, shouting at you to fight him, or getting your attention by being such a tsundere he obviously puts in a lot of time and effort to get you to look at him, so when others are able to get you to notice them easily, he becomes pretty petty.

That’s why when he sees you across the street over the weekend his eyes immediately follow your figure and a soft smile appears on his face despite the fact that he’s surrounded by the “dumbass” Bakusquad. When he sees who you’re with however, that smile immediately drops into a scowl.

You are the complete fangirl/fanboy image. You’re stuttering and blushing as you shyly go, “H-Hi, Mumen...” You’re hanging off every word he says and you even hand Mumen a homemade lunch (Bakugou notices that it’s a reusable bento so you have to see him again). Bakugou nearly rages.

What’s worse is that Mumen easily accepts your kind words and the lunch you made for him. And he’s nice to you??? Mumen’s able to hold a conversation with you without one of you getting annoyed??

“Heya, [Name],” Mumen says with a small smile, and Bakugou fumes. Why are is this second-rate Hero so familiar with you? “I saw you during the U.A. Sports Festival! Congratulations on getting Top Ten. I was rooting for you! I know you’ll get them next time.”

Inner Bakugou is just screaming. Why the FUCK are you so uwu baby eyes 👉👈 right now?? What was there to blush for?? You’ve never blushed for Katsuki, and every time he steals a morsel from your lunch you always get annoyed with him, but you’re here giving out lunches!! The double standard!! he thinks. The audacity of this bitch!!

Obviously the Bakusquad sees all of this unfold before their eyes, and they all glance at each other knowingly when Bakugou rants about “What’s so great about Mumen Rider?” and that he can beat the Pro-Hero “to the fucking ground.”

“Maybe he has something called a nice personality,” Kaminari jokes and Sero snorts in response.

RIP them ig.

Knowing that you have this celebrity crush, Bakugou would immediately go to you the next day and start talking about how weak Mumen is, how shitty of a Hero he is, how he’s ten years older than you guys, etc. etc.

Of course you don’t hear any of it. You insist that Mumen is a well-liked Hero in the community, and most importantly he’s nice.

Bakugou nearly gags. Nice?? NïCë?? That’s all it takes to get to you? He spent all this time trying to get your attention and the secret was kindness this entire time?? Well, fine then.

Tries to win you over by sheer Pavlovian response.

You think Mumen’s glasses are cute? BAM. The next day he’s wearing his dad’s spare glasses even though they have different prescriptions.

Mumen once saved you and got you [favorite snack] while you waited for your guardians to come? Every time he sees you he gives you [favorite snack]. Just outright slams it down on your desk without a word.

He’s going to beat you at your own game. You think you can make Mumen these cute bentos? No bitch, he’s going to be making you BETTER bentos.

He’ll even ride a bike to school every day if that’s what it takes.

It’s clear that what you have for Mumen is admiration, and when Bakugou matures and changes he doesn’t mind you stanning another Pro-Hero. Once you guys are older and are in an established relationship he even willingly buys you Mumen merch and supports your obsessions, even if it is grudgingly.

He tells himself that it could be worse. You could be like Deku and All Might.

Todoroki Shouto:

To Todoroki, your appeal comes from your strength and your composure, He acknowledges how strong you are and doesn’t see it as a challenge to him, so his admiration and affection for you is through the roof.

So when you guys are walking down the street together and Genos, AKA Demonic Cyborg, crashes down in front of you due to a villain attack on the city, he expects you to stand your ground.

Of course his first instinct is to hold out his arm to protect/guard you, but instead he finds that he’s just swatting empty air and when he looks over at your figure, question marks just fill the space near his head.

You’re strangely huddled behind Genos with a large blush on your face and you’ve left Todoroki’s side completely. You’re clutching on the older male’s bicep with a strange nervous look on your face.

[”G-Genos, y-you’re here!” you stutter uncharacteristically, and Todoroki’s head is calculating at the speed of light at your behavior.

Genos barely spares you a glance as he readies another heat blast. “Be careful, [Name]. Stand back if you have to.”

“T-Thank you...! I feel so much safer with you!”]

What, is the only word that Todoroki is able to say. When Genos is done saving the day and leaves, the boy immediately confronts you about it. He’s blunt to a fault, so he has no problems asking what the hell was that while you avoid his gaze and poke your fingers together.

You look cute, he thinks, but your display is not for him.

Obviously what he feels is irritation, because that was a side you reserved solely for this stranger, he thinks, but he’s more confused than anything. You never look at Todoroki like that.

“W-Well... I just think he’s so cool and his Quirk is really amazing. His fire abilities are really something else... A-And on the weekends sometimes I see him at the supermarket and he helps me pick out groceries...”

You talk about how dreamy it is that Genos helps you get the best bargains at the supermarket and Todoroki sets out the next day with his dad’s credit card.

He doesn’t see the appeal of Genos’s actions, but if that’s what gets your attention, then he’s willing to try. He can do better than bargain meats.

For the next couple of weeks your eyes absolutely bug out when you open the door to your house and see premium meat and vegetables are just sitting on your doorstep.

He gets you the 7600 yen beef and this is Japan, the vegetables are expensive.

When you try to get him to stop, he’s just like, “Well, do you like them?” or “Is there something wrong with the produce? I can return it and get you new ones.”

You two end up going to the grocery store together on weekends because you try to physically stop him but it ends up as a supermarket date. ^^ Inner Todoroki is like take that Demonic Cyborg.

Your celebrity crush encourages him to do better with his fire side. He watches Genos’ powers online and recreates the same power the older Pro has, since that’s what made Genos so cool in your eyes.

High-key petty. He doesn’t throw away your Genos merch, but rather he constantly moves them around your shared home so your always taken back.

Amajiki Tamaki:

Of course, he thinks. Of course you have a crush on Hellish Blizzard. She’s prettier than he is, a lot stronger, more confident, if he were you he would choose Fubuki over Tamaki any day.

She does so many impressive things with her Quirk and even though his own is versatile, he’s never able to recreate the feats that she does, so he has no hope of grabbing your attention.

That being said, he encourages your interests and would find more excuses to talk to you without making a fool out of himself by talking about her most recent fights or about her in general.

If you guys do meet her in real life and you’re just there freaking out because you’re her biggest fan, he’s going to be just standing off to the side like yea ;;; I deserve this.

He does watch her videos too and maybe he would recreate some of her “coolness”? He would be revving up for a fight, and the climax of the battle is near, he’s about to win and he’s going to pull those witty “one-liners” to make you fall for him in a way that Blizzard does but then he remembers that you and other people are watching him and just ;;; fumbles.

He made a fool of himself, he totally did. He’s a complete loser in your eyes, he thinks, especially compared to your Hero.

Once you guys get together he’s completely over the moon, but thinks back to your celebrity crush and he’s like honestly? Even if he is the rebound, or the “placeholder” until you’re going to date Fubuki, because he has no doubts that you will reach any goal of yours, he’s fine with that.

Or at least, that’s what he tells himself.

He thinks his temporary happiness would be worth it.

When you come to him saying that you’re going to be working underneath Hellish Blizzard, and you’re so giddy with excitement, he just gets so sad all of a sudden. His shoulders sag and shake and he sighs so deeply.

“O-Oh... I-I knew this day was coming... D-Do you want to break up with me first? P-Please make it quick and painless t-though...”

And you’re just like, “What.”

He eventually explains that he thought you were just dating him for a while until you managed to date Fubuki and you’re just like ???

[“I mean--I like her, but it’s just a celebrity crush.” You grow sheepish at this point. “I-I do like her, but she’s just a figure in my head. I like you most of all, Tamaki!”

“B-But if you had the chance you would choose her over me, right? S-She’s strong and cool...”

“But I think you’re cool and strong too, Tamaki!”]

If you get stronger and she’s still going around doing the “rookie crushing” rounds, Tamaki is the only person strong enough to hold you back as you yell at her.

[“FUCK you, Fubuki! I followed you for years! I swore by you! I supported your career--I talked about you nonstop to my friends. My boyfriend was insecure for years--!”

“P-Please calm down, [Name]!”]

It turns out that Tamaki was the only celebrity crush you needed.

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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Does Reginald ever get ahold of Five in your Responsible Luther AU? And how does he plan to stop Five from causing the apocalypse once he does? I just really want to see a scene where the siblings team up to save their little brother and stop their father once and for all (and possibly the commission by extension).

good question!! i haven’t decided lmao but I mean probably?? Reggie has four years to try and get at Five after all and Hazel and Cha-Cha are professionals (though at some point Hazel defects and is probably adopted as the weird murder uncle who on at least one occasion babysits bodyguards Five while the sibs are off doing stuff - Agnes things he’s a sweet young man while Hazel has vivid flashbacks of the time Five consumed a boatload of sugar and made his powers go on the fritz right before a kidnapping attempt which was,, not pretty to say the least and Hazel is somewhat traumatized)

awful bold of anyone to assume i actually have this au mapped out when it’s literally a bunch of asks duct taped together whenever inspiration hits my fragile muse with a sledgehammer and tbh just typing my way through asks helps me figure out things like later on in this ask lmao

While the most intelligent thing for Reginald to do is hire Hazel and Cha-Cha to assassinate Five, this is also the man whose grand plan to stop the apocalypse was a task force of superpowered children that he abused so i’m not assigning him any brain cells at all BUT he does think that he’s all powerful with his plots and tends to assume everything is going to go according to his plans and overestimates his own intelligence so

he thinks he can contain Five which probably would involve using the same drugs (or a modified one because idk if it would affect all the kids the same) that he used on Vanya since that’s a more long term solution that just restraints after all and then?? probably a lot of mind games and messing with Five’s reality to try and make sure that Five is not going to be ending the world

of course, given the chance Five would probably point out that his power is jumping and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t know how to end the world with that power?? unless he like? managed to jump himself into some place he could use,,, idk,,, nuclear launch codes or something?

though now that I think about it, it’s entirely possible that Reginald isn’t the one who wants Five alive. It’s entirely possible that it’s the Handler who smiled with too many teeth as she told Reginald that Five was the catalyst for ending the world. After all she’s with the Commission who help the timeline. Of course they don’t want the apocalypse to happen. Why, then there would be no people to help! But if Reginald handed Five over to her, over to the Commission - well. He’s young, he’s already half-trained, he knows how to survive, and he has the ability to jump through time without a suitcase which is very interesting to the Commission.

and Reginald doesn’t really want to kill anyone and get his own hands dirty otherwise he would have disposed of Vanya years ago so he’s down to grab Five and do some gentle experimentation regarding drugs and then hand a Five (with an off switch) over to the Commission and save the world! yeah that makes sense to me we’re going with that because it also gives the Handler a dog in this race so we get to see her

honestly probably the culmination of everything is Five getting finally Officially Kidnapped and handed over to the Commission and finding out at the Commission about the apocalypse, the Commission’s role in it, and probably the Handler monologues about it not being the end of everything and Five getting in the way but with him removed the family will fall apart and Vanya causing the apocalypse will be back on track blah blah blah all they have to do is pull some strings, get Harold Jenkins released from prison right on time, and bam we’re back on schedule ladies and gents

(plus some general weirdness a la the handler plus a deeply uncomfortable and not-inclined-to-be-very-cooperative Five who might not have his powers but he doesn’t exactly need them to be dangerous thank-you-very-much)

and the squad 100% run down weird-sort-of-honorary-uncle Hazel who is in possession of one (1) suitcase that is capable of taking the whole squad on over to the Commission building with a sort of reluctant Hazel because Agnes is attached to the kid now (Agnes is the best honorary aunt and you can’t change my mind) so he guesses he has to help out

someone send me an ask about weird uncle Hazel and aunt Agnes that is 100% an avenue I need to explore at some point

but yeah team up to invade the Commission and wreak absolute havoc and Five probably ends up worming his way into some air ducts because he’s a skinny little thirteen year old with narrow shoulders and then no one has eyes on him including the Handler/Commission agents so just picture a really comical series where the squad are trying to find Five and keep only just missing him while Five isn’t really sure why all the alarms are going off but he’s trying to figure out more info about the apocalypse as well as figure out a way to get home (find the suitcase room??) while also having a panic attack at the same time!! fun times!

eventually what probably happens is they catch the Handler and try interrogate her and she’s giving them non answers and then Five literally falls out of the ceiling with like, a whole bag of files that just scatter around and everyone just stares at each other for a solid minute before Five is pulled into a frantic “YOU’RE ALIVE” hug by the closest person who isn’t Hazel

but Five ALSO has a whole bunch of explosives and weapons that he may or may not have obtained from the Handler’s office because he’s a secretly petty little shit and he’s been using them to take out Commission agents along his way but the point is the whole squad blow the Commission sky high?? or perhaps Five discovers another aspect of his power

after all, the Commission sits outside of time. It’s a pocket, and Five is capable of tearing through space and time, but most importantly he closes that tear after him. It’s not an aspect of his power that he thinks about often, in fact no one thinks about it. He doesn’t just make tears, he also repairs them. And what is this pocket but an open wound in time, sitting outside the time stream as it is? The Commission is not supposed to be and Five has the power to fix that

(he’s been on edge since he arrived, a crawling feeling under his skin. he assumed that it was because of the kidnapping, because the Handler kept touching him and making comments, because he just saw his father who scares him more than even the apocalypse, because his power is out of reach and reminding him of when he pushed and pushed amongst the rubble and there’s an itch under his skin from the drugs. there’s a million reasons for him to feel off that he doesn’t realize that it’s the wrongness of where he is, the rip carved into the world that begs for him to close it, to heal it)

so i think that might be a cool climax, destroying the Commission and then making sure it can never return ??

Vanya would absolutely fuck up the entire commission first though looking for Five it would be hilarious and mildly terrifying and Klaus is just behind her like “yeah i’m going to say training her powers was a good thing otherwise we (the other hargreeves plus Hazel) would probably be paste right now” while Ben frantically zips through the walls trying to find Five while the other losers are limited by walls (of course, Ben probably doesn’t think to zoom up in the vents whoops)

and then, when they go back with the one remaining briefcase (that they probably all destroy as the last remnants of the commission idk) they get a confrontation with Reginald

because I really liked Klaus’s whole thing with Reginald (“We were just little kids.”) and feel like the rest of the family?? probably needs that closure as well tbh

and i mean,, also the general spite of them informing Reginald (with proof a la the documents Five obtained) that it was Reginald’s fault the apocalypse happened in the first place due to his abuse and drugging of Vanya which caused her to have no support network and be influenced by Leonard Peabody/Harold Jenkins and that lmao Five was never the reason the world ended and in fact there was a lot riding on removing him from the equation so that it could happen in the first place

the satisfaction of telling the man behind the curtain, the man who thinks he holds all the cards, the man who thinks he’s the puppeteer, that he was played like that’s satisfying

(Reginald, verbally eviscerated and pale as milk in the face of the kids accusations and revelations

Five: hey so like if we’re all saying our piece then uhhh I want mom in the divorce. the disowning? whatever this is

Diego: seconded

Five: and also dad?? i never want to see you again

Luther: also seconded

Five: also i want us to be able to get our stuff like luther’s records ‘n stuff

Vanya: you know what let’s just put Five in charge of the official family split seems like he’s got all the right stuff in mind)

but yeah this is all vague story climax stuff that I haven’t gotten anything down in concrete yet?? i should probably put together a timeline since it seems like i’m eventually going to be actually writing this au and probably making a whole ‘verse to do little side stories for as well goodness

so yeah keep the questions and suggestions coming y’all i’m slow at responding but they do very much help me figure things out and since nothing is concrete by any means i’m always open to suggestions on what people do and don’t like about any directions I take or suggestions on how to make it better/make more sense ;3c

#responsible luther au #far tua long #i'll add tags later #i'm very tired rip #which makes no sense bc i napped most of the day with the foster cat oof #ask me #anonymous

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emeraldtawny · 5 years

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Why I Love The 7 of Hearts

...I said I would do it. And now that it has officially been one month since his route release, the official banner for spoilers is now lifted! That being said, I’ll put a disclaimer now: I will be talking about key aspects and spoilers from Kyle’s route. Be warned.

Alright, now onto my thesis. Title: Why Kyle Ash Is My Favourite Otome Husband To Date - An Incredibly Biased Review, by Tawny ^w^

Part 1: Before his route

Before we talk about the actual route itself, let me explain to you guys why this man already had my heart before even getting to date him. I’ll be honest; when the game first came out, he was already in my top 3 but he was not the best boi (that went to Fenrir and stayed like that for a bit). That is, until I played through Lancelot’s route. Being able to get more interactions with Kyle gave me more insight into the kind of person he is, and I honestly liked what I saw. He condemned Lancelot for throwing his life away needlessly without concern for his safety (important note to come back to) and made it clear that his affiliation with the Red Army didn’t mean anything when there are lives on the line (another impotant point to revisit). I honestly respected that about him and sure enough, he snuck his way into top spot and has stayed there since. And if I’m being real, his route has completely solidified that. He ain’t moving. Ever.

Personal Rambling #1

Okay, now comes the fun part hehehe >:3

With the question “did you enjoy Kyle’s route?”, is there an option for “everything” and also “yes yes yes, holy shit yes”? Because, Kyle’s route is a big fat YES out of 10 for me, and I say that as unbiasedly as possible. I noticed that there didn’t seem to be any dev notes released before Kyle’s route dropped (my poor boi getting shafted :c), so allow me to give you my own variation:

Kyle

Recommended if you like: Yukimura (brusque yet sweet, kind of an idiot but means well) and Mitsunari (oblivious genius)

Sexy…7

Drama…7

Romance…9

Dev Notes: For a man so smart, he’s awfully clueless when it comes to you. This weirdly approachable doctor may lack tact, but that doesn’t stop the blood pressures rising and the hearts racing - both yours and his. Get ready for an angst road bump at part 20 (as well as his Dramatic Ending), but rest assured that the doctor is here to see you now.

When I say he’s a combo of Yuki and Mitsunari, I’m not kidding. He’s basically Yuki without the full-on tsun tendencies (he has a few, but you could call it more embarrassment and awkwardness compared to being a tsundere) and then a touch of Mitsunari’s infuriating obliviousness and bam, you got Kyle!

I won’t give a synopsis of the route, since you’ve all likely read it or know most of the story (why on earth are you reading this far in otherwise?) so allow me to share with you, my personal favourite chapters/parts of his route!

Chapter 7 - the first (and definitely not last) instance of a blushing Kyle in his natural habitat. Bonus for glasses uwu

Chapter 14 - the introduction of Goo, the new best pet in Cradle (sorry Chutney). Legit, I recorded that entire section where Kyle and MC are naming Goo and I was just squeeing like a deranged lunatic because I loved it so much like bdjxbgdkfnxfkd

Chapter 24 (His POV) - DRUNK KYLE POV. Of course, he’s still cognitive to have proper thoughts, it wasn’t Masamune levels of drunkenness. But...jealous Kyle. That right there is a rarity but WOW, it’s a treat ;3

Towards the end of the route when MC finds Kyle’s confession written on his freaking hand (Kyle you doof) and just...him burying his amused smile into the crook of his elbow when she says she likes someone…..HNNNNNGGGGGGG yes

Part 2: Character Development

This man has such strong convictions to his profession that it’s honestly admirable. He may only have one pillar to stand on, but that pillar is strong and immovable. I’m of course talking about this line: “I absolutely despise people who are ready to throw away their lives”. Sound familiar at all? Remind you of...a certain Red King? Honestly though, this commitment to his work as a doctor when he seems to do nothing else except drink himself into a stupor most nights (if not every night) is awe-inspiring, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.

The MC in Kyle’s route is my new favourite. I love how the romance she develops for Kyle starts off as simple admiration, just her wanting to follow in his footsteps and prove useful to people without provoking the war occurring around her. She’s grounded and has a clear purpose, which is refreshing compared to other iterations of her being more meek and more better categorised as a “damsel in distress”. Don’t get me wrong, I”m not criticising those types of MCs. It’s just nice to see a driven MC with a clear goal and a motive for why she wants to do the things she does, enough for her to stay longer than the allotted month (something NONE OF THE OTHER ROUTES DO, HELL YEAH KYLE!). She actively chose to stay in Cradle - even when her ticket home was right in front of her - because she wanted to help Kyle save lives. It’s refreshing. And it makes for some great interactions between her and Kyle, especially later in the route when they’re more comfortable with each other. Which leads me onto my next point…

It felt like a real relationship. The slow growth and blooming of feelings, the cute interactions they’d share (every time Kyle stroked her hair or bopped her on the head, my heart exploded into confetti), and how awkward they both were with each other. God, if you guys could have seen me reading his route with my dumb dopey grin and squeaking like a lovesick children’s toy every 10 seconds...I was a mess gielkdsnglkd.

I love how they let us see into Kyle’s world. It may be a simple outlook on life, but you can’t fault the man. His strong conviction to save as many lives as he can because he feels it’s what he was made to do, and his importance on smiling and presenting a calm, friendly image of himself as he treats his patients (remember the line “People are like mirrors.”. It’s important.). He’s a very “my pace” kind of person, and it was fun to just kind of...relax a bit. Sure, war preparations were happening but wait one moment, please. I need to educate Jonah on what is needed for a balanced nutritious breakfast. It was refreshing to see a route that was surprisingly chill for most of it until the ending crescendo, and I welcomed it.

Alright….angst time. All of the little hints we were getting, like his role of the 7 of Hearts not being “set in stone”, had me squinting at the screen like “boi, what you hiding?”. When we got to drinking with Kyle, Oliver and Blanc and the conversation of Kyle having a brother came up, I was like “....oh. This is gonna be baaad.”. And this wasn’t even including Colin (because when a character gets named, you know they’re important.). But…..Chapter 20. It actually came out of left field, sucker-punched me in the kidney, cracked my heart and left me crying as I’m just reading this whole thing unfolding. Colin’s heartbroken cries, Kyle’s unmoving unresponsive form as he lets Colin punch him, the symbolism and connection of both Kyle and Colin having lost an older brother because of the war. I’m….. ;~; aaaaaa. And then in the Avatar Challenge following the angst, MC throws the “people are like mirrors” line back at him to get him to break down a bit, to let some emotion out, and I was just a blubbering mess at this point. The route is generous enough to give you a floof and mild spice break, but then if you choose the Dramatic Ending…..you…..you visit...his brother’s grave...and the waterworks begin again.

Continuing on from the point above, this means Kyle also has connections with The Day That Went Dark, along with Fenrir and more importantly, Ray. From the way it was described in Kyle’s route, he himself doesn’t know for certain if Ray used magic or not. He only knows that Ray was there when shit went down. So even after his brother passed from the tragedy, Kyle held no animosity or desire for revenge against Ray; very fitting for his character. This route made me realise just how similar Kyle and Ray are: they’re both very determined in their ways to keep the peace and they both hold strong to their views of freedom and honesty (Ray and Kyle respectively). And you can tell that Kyle doesn’t hold it against Ray for whatever happened on The Day That Went Dark.

I would honestly love to see a scenario of the two of them sitting down together in a room and just awkwardly yet honestly expressing all of their pent-up emotions about that whole ordeal (angst writers, if you’re reading this...only if you want to ofc ^w^).

Personal Rambling #2: Gushing Edition

So those were my structured notes, but now let me indulge you on my messy bullet points that I made throughout reading his route. A lot of these are pointless to character building and things I just thought were cute and needed attention drawn to sooo….ye ^w^

Like the rest of the Red Army, Kyle was born into a family that carries the mantle of 7 of hearts. All of them doctors.

Cute theme of beds??? (his bday story and them sleeping in the same room)

“When he wasn’t talking, he’s actually quite attractive.” (wow, r00d)

His palm notes are work and other things related (and he doesn’t always remember why he wrote it down bgrkdgn)

Not a sweet tooth (dammit Kyle, that’s your only downfall :c)

Easily embarrassed despite his earnest and straightforward mannerisms

Doesn’t dote on MC and teaches her what he can

His importance on smiling and presenting a calm, friendly image of himself as he treats his patients (“People are like mirrors.” - ch 8)

Head pats. Lots of head pats

Awkward sweet love (kill me it’s too adorable)

Edgar’s silent envy yet sweet support of their romance (this boi istg…)

Super proactive MC (she’s my new fave, seriously I love her)

Lots of touching (head pats, forehead bonks), he doesn’t know what personal space is (and I love it)

His pig is the cutest thing in the entire world, I need 20

Really good with kids…...yes.

“I absolutely despise people who are ready to throw away their lives” (incredibly strong convictions - doesn’t have many, but the ones he does have he is incredibly dedicated to)

Stays longer than the allotted month (FUCK YES)

His brother’s death strengthened his convictions to be able to handle being an army doctor (direct and honest, no bs about sacrificing your life etc etc)

The “People are like mirrors” line is tearing my fucking heart apart (makes sense in chapter 20 avatar challenge)

The angst…..his brother...and Colin….I’m rdfkgndkjfnxclk ;-;

His realisation of love….and his confession….lord, IM DROWNING IN UWUS

Saving Amon despite him murdering many innocent people, a big decision that could have changed the tide for the future, but he stuck with his beliefs

MC’s insistence that Kyle doesn’t like her that way, and Kyle’s inability to realise it’s love (help me it’s so fucking cute I’m dying)

Whether intentional or not, he’s good at diverting the attention away from him when he wants it off him (maybe MC just assumes he’s an idiot?? lmao)

So his glasses are for sentimental reasons (but does he need them???) and his alcohol drinking habits are from his father (not a coping mechanism)

Incredibly kind...but not good at showing it (helping MC distract herself by giving her work(?))

MC’s obsession with Kyle’s eyes and collarbone (same sis, SAME) and Kyle’s obsession with her hair (fsekfbksfnjweksdgn kd,nAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Conclusion

Overall, Kyle’s route is very solid. It may not add much to the overarching lore of Cradle (aside from another victim in The Day That Went Dark), but the route was still adorable, enjoyable and incredibly sweet. I had no moments where I felt bored throughout his route (then again, that’s likely the bias talking) and the balance between cute floof, tear-jerking angst and then hot hot spice (that he FULLY deserves, mind you) came together into a wonderful experience that left my heart full and sad when it all ended.

My final message to you all: Kyle Ash is the sweetest, most adorkable nerd that has ever graced my presence and I hope that even a tiny portion of my love for him rubs off on you, just so you can see how amazing this boi is. Thank you for your time and for listening to my ramblings gesgnsk ^^;;

Bonus: my two favourite screenshots from his route

#ikerev #kyle ash #tawny loves kyle #my kyle thesis #I was ready to post this like a week ago but I held myself off gksehdhgbks #tawny rambles

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diveronarpg · 5 years

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Congratulations, MANDY! You’ve been accepted for the role of GONERIL. Admin Rosey: How long have we been clamoring for our beloved Goneril? Far too long, I think. But the wait was worth it because Mandy, you delivered us to her with a little bloodied bow on top. You gave us a taste of Goneril, and here we are, begging for more. The plots you laid out for her future captured her well, and the para sample you provided gave an insight to the narration of her thought and I absolutely adored it. But, what really sold it to me, was the very end of the application: “... I don’t think Grace has ever stopped long enough to get bored. Maybe that’s for the best though; I’m not sure the world could withstand a bored Grace Daly.” And honestly, I’m not sure I can withstand the Grace Daly you will be bringing to our stage either. But I can’t wait to try! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Mandy

Age | 18

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | For the next 3 weeks or so, I can probably post about 3-4 times a week. After that I start university, so maybe 1-2 posts per week?

Timezone | BST

How did you find the rp? | I came across it a while ago (9/10 months?) so I can’t remember exactly how, but I figure I must’ve been looking for mob-related roleplays on tumblr.

Current/Past RP Accounts | This is actually my first-time roleplaying on tumblr so I don’t have any past accounts to show. I have been roleplaying for around ¾ years though, just on different forums. I can provide some samples of my writing if you want to make sure I’d fit in here.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Goneril aka Grace Daly! And I like her current faceclaim (Úrsula Corberó).

What drew you to this character? | What initially attracted me to Grace Daly was, in fact, another character; Calina Sokolova. Whilst writing out my application for Cleopatra herself, I noticed that I had a lot to say about wanting to explore her relationship with a character so primal and brutal as Grace Daly. And the more I wrote, the more I felt I understood Grace. At the same time, my infatuation for Calina’s character diminished, and I think that was because I realised that I didn’t actually understand her all that much. Then I read the application of the last successful writer for Calina, and I know that people can have different interpretations which are equally good, but it just made me realise that I had only scratched her surface with my own. I couldn’t do a character like Calina justice; at least, not yet. Not that I consider Grace to be any easier a character to write, or inferior in terms of depth, not at all; I just understand her much better. Turns out, Calina simply wasn’t my mystery to unravel, and so here it is, my application for Grace “Goneril” Daly.

What I love most about Grace Daly is that she remains true to her nature. The violence, the brutality, the chaos—it is her and she owns it. She does not run away, or attempt to hide her darkness, she doesn’t entertain any notions of herself as a ‘good guy’, nor does she fear or try to fight the darkness within her. Right and wrong are seen as abstract concepts, and even when she knows things are ‘wrong’, it makes no difference because she does not care. She would much rather be remembered as ‘great’ than ‘good’, anyway. What Olivander said about Voldemort comes to mind; “After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things — terrible, yes, but great.” Terrible but great, could there be a better analogy for Grace Daly? The rest of the world might see her as rotten, having lost her humanity, but one couldn’t be more primal or truer to their human nature than her. She takes what she wants, when she wants it, no matter the cost. She is a queen waiting to rule, a tragedy waiting to happen, a whirlwind to be respected, but most importantly, feared. She will carve herself a throne, whether that be from gold or your bones.

Despite being known as Goneril, she could actually be likened to Regan, in my opinion. It might seem like the sisters are an interchangeable evil duo in King Lear, but I actually think Regan is the more brutal of the two. After all, it is her who gouges out Gloucester’s eyes and thrusts him out to “smell his way to Dover”. Goneril is driven by ambition too, but I don’t see that love of violence in her characterisation. Catherine spills blood apathetically, whereas Grace thirsts for it, much like the Regan of King Lear.

Pride and the grandiose sense of self-worth, rather psychopathic traits, are also rather important cornerstones of her character. Because she has never been humiliated, never needed to ask for help, never been denied, she has this kind of smugness about her, an air of superiority. She wants to be remembered as such, a glorious vision of power, ambition, bloodlust and savagery—a legacy if there ever was one. Grace has always wanted more – more things, more money, more power, more blood – but perhaps what she craves most is recognition. Not the cheap recognition her parents gave her for simply being their daughter, no, she wants to be known as something great, something invincible, supreme, garnering as much recognition from the beggars and vagabonds lining the streets of Verona as the kings and queens in their palaces. She wants to be feared and worshipped like a God.

Along with the need to be known and remembered, comes the fear of being forgotten. People might sing Catherine praises for her angelic-ness, but they will not remember her name when she has passed like so many saints before her. At least, that’s what Grace thinks. The oldest Daly girl has long forgotten to fear death, but to become a ghost of bygone times like so many others have done in the past and most continue to do? That is literally a fate worse than death. She craves to be different, and to be revered for that difference. Death or glory—these are her options.

Whilst her impulsiveness might be seen as a weakness or a flaw, I think it makes her even more dangerous, because you can’t ever really know what she’ll do. She’s so unpredictable—one can never know whether they’ll get the cold, calculating Grace, or the wild, reckless Grace, who’s far more likely to give into her base instincts, until it’s too late. It’s unnerving how quickly she will switch between the two, but perhaps what is most alarming is when she is both at the same time. You ask how one can be cold and reckless, calculating and wild, at once? Oh, you should watch our raven-haired angel of death in action. She will beat you within an inch of your life and enjoy every second, but an inch she will leave, an inch to tell the world of your most foolish mistake: attempting to withstand the supernova that is Grace Daly.

I’ve never written such a raw, unremorseful character. In fact, I’ve never even come across such a female character in any sort of literature, let alone roleplaying. When other characters will tip-toe on the borders of insanity, Grace will crash in there with a battering ram without flinching. That is why it would be a delight and an honour to write Verona’s resident bloodthirsty empress, not that the world ever remembers one who wasn’t.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

1. Maybe some sort of face-off between the sisters? I don’t mean the three of them get into a ring and fight to the death, I just want a reunion of some sort, I suppose. I don’t imagine it will be at a café over brunch to discuss their childhoods, but perhaps they all need to meet up to discuss some mob business? In my mind, Grace joined the Montagues to give people a reason to remember her, not out of loyalty to anyone in the Montagues. So, if she sees an opportunity to rise the ranks, and she thinks that can be achieved by ‘offing’ one of their own captains to free up a space, I think she would definitely go to her sisters. They are Capulets, after all, and I doubt they would pass the opportunity to get rid of a high-ranking Montague. Regina, if not Catherine, anyway. At the same time, Grace doesn’t really consider her sisters to be her equals, so she might not care to do something mutually beneficial to all of them. Instead, I think she’s more likely to deceive both parties, because she’s arrogant and thinks her sisters are too naïve to understand her true intentions. Maybe that goes badly for Grace, because they really aren’t as clueless as she treats them? I don’t know, it obviously doesn’t have to pan out this way exactly, but I would really like to see the three of them having some sort of heated altercation, or just circumstance which invariably forces them to spend time together.

2. Calina vs Grace? Okay, so I know a lot of my plotting for Grace involves ‘facing off’ against other characters, but what can I say, Grace is a fighting sorta gal. In Calina’s bio, it says that “So long as [Grace’s] teeth are bared in another direction, she won’t have to make her shut her mouth,” aka Calina is happy to let sleeping demons lie, but what if they stopped lying? For whatever reason, they step in each other’s path and BAM! Chaos! Pandemonium!

As for how it happens, I was thinking something like this: Calina’s alias is Cleopatra, right, and, historically, Cleopatra was the first pharaoh to get the support of both the Greek and Egyptian subjects she ruled. In this case, the Greeks and the Egyptians are of course, the Capulets and the Montagues, respectively. Perhaps, at some later date, they are attempting to broker peace between the two mobs, and Calina, being Cleopatra, is at the forefront of this? Peace and harmony don’t work for Grace, of course, and so she tries to throw a wrench or two into their plans. Or maybe even a grenade.

3. I’d really like to explore some fiendish kind of plot that she and Ivan have. They are both quite chaotic and brutal characters, but I’d say Ivan does it for the love of chaos, whereas chaos is a side-benefit for Grace. Her true love is power; unlimited, absolute, power. So, say she hatches a plan to move up in the ranks, and figures that she might need some help from the Capulets for that. The help would be unintentional or accidental if her sisters were involved (see Plot 1), but I think she would be fairly upfront about it if she went to Ivan. Though Capulet by name, I’d say that he is first and foremost an anarchist, and Grace knows this. So, if she wants to stir the pot a bit, and wants to have some fun in the meantime, why ever not get in touch with the platonic Clyde to her platonic Bonnie? He’s never said no to a bit of mayhem. It could also be that they both plan on betraying each other, y’know, for a little more drama? Grace knows that his love of ruin and destruction is a little too dangerous to have around if her plans for dominion are ever to come to fruition, and Ivan knows that he cannot tear the world apart if there are people who wish to maintain the social order, so that one can actually hold dominion. In the end, no matter how similar their methods might be, their endgame couldn’t be more different.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes, but I would really like a fitting death for her; ‘’all or nothing”, essentially. Either she goes out in a blaze of glory, doing what she loves, or it somehow becomes that she loses everything, and is at the lowest of lows, and is then killed. I’d rather she didn’t die in some random mugging sort of thing, y’know? Also, pleeease, nothing like how Goneril and Regan go out in King Lear—sure poison can be involved, just not the whole other “jealous, superficial, evil sisters kill themselves over some man/throw themselves at his feet” trope. Grace thirsts for blood and power, not men.

IN DEPTH

I would genuinely do both, but I really want to send this in time for Sunday acceptances and I don’t have very long left. So, in-character para sample it is!!

***

Naivete? No, that couldn’t possibly be it. They had survived too long, accomplished too much, to be naïve. No, what truly plagued her family, whether that was their parents, or her sisters, it was blindness—or lack of vision, to be more precise. They had grown too accustomed to their life, too comfortable in the plush armchairs in front of their warm hearth, to envy the jewel-encrusted palaces that their kings and queens resided in. They were happy to settle for something mildly better than mediocrity, content to be second best, good but not that good. The Daly’s were well-off, there was no two ways about that, but they were hardly mice next to the mammoth that were the Capulets.

It was disgraceful to her. Shameless, even. How dare they be so complacent?

The babe turned girl turned woman, who had always wanted more and more and more, could not fathom the meaning of leading such an unremarkable existence. What could possibly be the meaning of life if you didn’t keep fighting for more, until there was no one left to fight, until you were the most powerful person in the room?

Throughout history and mythology, there were always trinities. Hydra, the three-headed serpent, Cerberus, the three-headed hound, and she had held out hope that herself, Regina, and Catherine, would themselves be a trinity to behold one day. Her mother and father had resigned themselves to ‘the simple life’, but children did not have to repeat their parents’ mistakes. They could be better, the Daly girls.

And yet, it wasn’t to be. Regina had come as uninspiring as they did, and Catherine, well, all saintly Catherine wanted to do was be nice. For a time, she tried convincing them, inspiring them as the eldest, but even back then Grace had had little patience for lost causes. And lost causes they were, the whole lot of them.

If she was to be anything more, it would be alone. Her family would not, could not, help her, and that meant looking for another family. Perhaps one with a little more backbone.

Extras:

I’d say that the Grace I’ve envisioned is quite similar to Villanelle from Killing Eve. However, whilst Villanelle kills because she is bored, I don’t think Grace has ever stopped long enough to get bored. Maybe that’s for the best though; I’m not sure the world could withstand a bored Grace Daly.

#accepted #accepted: goneril

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writingonjorvik · 5 years

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Can We Discuss Feminism? pt. 2

As you may have seen, @centeris2 made a post about the implications of the MC being female exclusive. And I’ve made some comments myself about SSO’s relationship with feminism. So let’s revisit that topic real quick.

But first! I fucking am releasing a book at the end of May. It’s called Word Walkers: Stolen Secret. It’s got two lady leads, it’s LGBTQIA+ friendly, there’s a lot of ass-kicking, and the price just dropped! So go pre-order a copy and enter the pre-sale giveaway because only 2 people have entered and I have 7 prizes to give away, so like, you’ll probably win. Here’s a link to the trailer, it’s got all the info you need.

Now to the topic at hand.

First, I want to talk about Cen’s points which I agree with (surprise!). I’ve said this for a while but SSO is not a very good MMO as specifically an MMO, and while I’ve made a lot of suggestions on how to change that, point remains that it’s not a very MMO friendly narrative. Which isn’t bad, but they should either embrace that or change it. Now on the point of being a Set Character narrative, to use Cen’s terms, I agree, though I do also believe that having an avatar for a set character is fair too. Both Mass Effect and Dragon Age are Set Character narratives, but they still allow for character customization. But they also let you choose your gender.

So to repeat the point Cen already made, the problem isn’t the concept of Set Character narrative, it’s the gender-locking one without in narrative reason. And that point comes back to the idea that SSO made that decision to make more opportunities for women in the gaming sphere of female-led stories. Great. But they missed the point of what feminism is, and this isn’t the only example.

I want to summarize and touch on some of the points I made in my part one of this topic, which was mainly focused on exclusion. Where devs can make as many comments as they want about having more neutral options, there’s still the risk of being exclusionary when you locked out every other gender and give no options to choose gender or pronouns in character creation. But what I want to expand on today was prompted by this photo.

See, I get the point of this picture. It’s suggesting a very positive idea, that we should celebrate women every day. Which is true, it shouldn’t be limited to a single day. But I think this photo doesn’t line up with recent narrative choices SSO has been making, and it’s starting to feel more and more like pictures like these are closer to “woke-conomics” that genuine feminism.

Granted, this is a hard line because it’s hard for most businesses to feel genuine. But for those unfamiliar with the term, “woke-conomics” means when a company sees a movement promoting “woke” culture (read humanitarian, egalitarian, feminism, LGBTQIA+ friendly, not racist, etc.) and decides to use that movement in their advertising because it will speak more to the younger generation. And there are positive connotations to that. It means representation, even if it’s not perfect. And it also means that “woke” individuals make up more of a market than non-”woke” individuals. Which for human rights is kinda of a good thing.

However, just because a company does something “woke” doesn’t mean they or their product reflect that. Saying one thing and actually doing things to promote “wokeness” are totally separate things. It’s the difference between putting out a post like this photo and committing to donate to charities that help women in need every day as a company. One is easier with really good PR, and one is a commitment to making actual change in the world for a concept.

And the issue for SSO’s narrative is that it’s been leaning into this “woke-conomics” too hard lately. As for evidence, let me submit Ms. Drake.

Ah, cat-hating, black coffee drinking, pant-suit monster Ms. Drake. First, she stole Mr. Kembell’s job, and then she...had a heart? What? From the moment we met Ms. Drake, she’s been written as a heartless bitch, no two ways about it. But then according to the conversations you can have with Ms. Drake at the Midsummer Festival, we’re supposed to believe that kitten-hater Ms. Drake is not actually evil because she has “plans” to make G.E.D. (as in Global Energy Domination G.E.D., don’t a high school diploma) a better company. As if that were possible for a company, again, called Global Energy Domination. And other characters at the Midsummer Festival find Ms. Drake reprehensible, but also respectable. Say what you will about what respect means, it has some connotations that should not apply to Ms. Drake.

Further, let’s talk about Loretta. Say what you will about LorettaxJustin (I will, it sucks, CarriexJustin all the way), Loretta was rewritten to be a mean girl. She’s not supposed to be likable. But who gets a redemption story when it comes to rescuing Justin. Ah, yes, Loretta. Oh, and what about Elizabeth? Spoilers ahead, but the community starts to have questions about Elizabeth’s leadership and BAM! she dies a hero. You can’t hate her now.

SSO has recently set this path to try and redeem all human female characters, that we cannot dislike female characters. Dark Riders excluded because they’re actual demons (and pretty shallow characters in SSO itself so far), there are no female villains in SSO. No woman can do wrong in this story. And that’s...dangerous? Wrong? Wildly incorrect? All of those.

See, ladies can be right bitches. Ladies can make amazing villains just as well as they can make heroes. Women are not infallible. And for the narrative to argue that “Women can do no wrong” is a dangerous example to be setting for minors. Further, it makes female character incredibly simple because they have on complexity of having flaws, and if they do have flaws, they are promptly given more redeeming qualities that flaws. Narrative implications aside, it says that to write powerful women, you just have to write Mary Sues and not actually write about women being human and complicated.

Going back to my first post and exclusionary content, saying that women can do not wrong is exactly that. Telling young girls in their favorite game they can do no wrong only perpetuates this “Girls v. Boys” mentality and not actual feminism. And this is the danger of “woke-cominics.” Because if you don’t actually apply those “woke” principles, like actual feminism, you get something more like misandry.

If SSO wants to tell real feminist stories and support real women, then just tell stories with women in them. They should be natural and inclusive because that’s what the world is like. Putting women in power and on equal terms with other genders is feminism, not putting women in power on a pedestal. Make them messy, make them evil, make them heroes, but most importantly, make them people.

And as an amendment to my original comments, let SSO be filled with pastels and hearts and cute and colorful and “femininity,” but don’t label it as a “girl game.” Because there’s nothing wrong with filling a game with those things and we should take those kinds of games more seriously. But that doesn’t mean that only girls can enjoy those kinds of games.

If you want an example of this done really well, please look up Calico (I did it for you). Calico is a life sim game that is, as the lead dev puts it, “apologetically soft.” It’s a game that undoubtedly focuses on “femininity” and embracing it. And no where in the advertising do they market is as a “girl game.” It is a soft, sweet, pastel filled game, but it is not a girl game. And this is a line SSO does not seem to understand. Obviously I don’t want to assume anything on the devs of Calico, but this is actual feminism at play in design from what I’ve seen. And I think SSO could stand to take a page from them on that.

The point is if SSO wants to say they’re for feminism, then they need to do two things. First, like I said before, they can’t be exclusionary. It’s one thing to have a Set Character story, and another to exclude boys and other genders in your marketing because the Set Character narrative is focused on being female. Second, they need to be careful with their “woke-conomics” because leaning too far into a corporate idea of a concept can circle back on the point of that concept. It is fine to be apologetically leaning into “femininity” as it’s currently labeled, but don’t go so far into it that you put that concept on a pedestal above others.

So that’s it, that’s my little ramble. I hope you found either a book or a game or a general understanding of a concept that you can take away from this. This is a difficult concept, but I agree with the concept SSO set out with in that mission statement of spaces for girls. I just hope they keep the actual spirit of it alive.

And go buy my book.

#sso #star stable #starstable #star stable online #starstableonline #woj analysis

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ahgaseda · 6 years

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got7 reacts to you coming out as bisexual

↝ mark: you might get annoyed with how unresponsive he is. there is a whole list of reasons why this wont be a big deal to mark. okay youre bi. more importantly what are we getting for lunch today? dont be surprised if he makes a threesome joke from time to time because hes a goof. but seriously he is super supportive. you being bisexual is as big a deal to him as whatever your hair color is. its just another aspect of you. but he definitely the type to completely fuck someone up if they treat you negatively because of your sexuality. no one will disrespect you on marks watch.

↝ jaebum: has no idea how to react at first. he may be awkward as hell because he doesnt know how he feels about it right away. eventually he is going to want to know if youve dated girls before. and hes going to want to know how he compares. more than anything he is going to be really curious. because he will lowkey feel threatened by it. but will ultimately push past that. we know he can come across as a little insensitive sometimes. but he will be incredibly supportive of you. you are the person he loves. if someone so much as side eyes you the wrong way there will be hell to pay from him.

↝ jackson: first things first he is going to be over the moon that you revealed this to him. because it means you trust him. for you to be open with your sexuality with him will make him smile at you and melt into a puddle in your lap. in all seriousness he will crack jokes regarding the doubled amount of competition he has. he totally the type to be like hey do you think that girl is hot? more importantly will make you feel like the most accepted person in his world. will fiercely protect you from anyone. would totally want to go to pride parades with you and acts like a bodyguard in fight mode for everyone.

↝ jinyoung: to be honest he may question you extensively. he will be surprised that he didnt somehow sense this about you. hes more on the traditional side so he the type to ignore it at first. but hes a nurturing mama at heart. he will ask you how he can be supportive. he will ask what this means in regards to your relationship with him. he can feel a bit confused by this until you have a heart to heart with him. answer all of his questions and he will be fine. expect him to be a little awkward about it for a while. he doesnt really know what to do with himself. but he wont treat you any differently.

↝ youngjae: there will be a blank look on his face for a moment. not because hes shocked. but because hes wracking his brain for what to say. he wants to reassure you and make you feel accepted. hes a sensitive bean when it comes to you and your feelings. and he doesnt know if he should make a big deal about it or just play cool. his awkward self may be like um congratulations? then he will probably point blank ask what you want from him. is there anything he needs to do differently? will also ask if youve dated girls before out of sheer curiosity. also asks if youve ever struggled with acceptance and how he can be a supportive boyfriend. he loves you so much and just wants to do right by you.

↝ bambam: does that mean youve kissed a girl? i need details. lets be real bam might be a little immature about this when you tell him. hes gonna make jokes and be an insufferable dork. but this comes from a good place. he doesnt want to say the wrong thing. he wants to be the most supportive partner youve ever had. and he hides behind humor. he wants to make things light. but this can lead to you thinking hes taking you lightly. the moment he realizes that he will change his tune. he will settle down and give you real talk. he will stress that you are still the person he loves and nothing has changed.

↝ yugyeom: has no earthly concept of what to do with that information. wait youre attracted to girls too? i am also attracted to girls. tbh yugy will think this is cool. he may walk right into practice and announce it to all the members without thinking. may even go to mark for advice. however he may get a little protective of you over it. we know its not exactly accepted in his country. he may try to stuff you back into the metaphorical closet. because if you get bullied or mistreated over this it will literally destroy his heart. remind him youre proud of who you are and youre not going to hide. he will always stand by you and will really admire you even more than he already did.

#mine:imagines #got7 reactions #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #got7 fluff

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xxwarriorkitty · 5 years

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Long Black

Photo credit: © spin off

Park Jin Young (ft. Jaebum, Yugyeom and Bam Bam) | Single Dad AU, Angst, Fluff | 18,185 words

This is a behemoth of a story because once I got the idea of Single Dad Jinyoung stuck in my head, there was no turning back. Enjoy! 😘

“Just go talk to him already.”

I blinked, my head turning back to my friend, cheeks already heating up at being caught. “Hmm? Who?”

Jihyun narrowed her eyes at me. “Who do you take me for, Kang Ryeo Won? You’ve been staring at Book Guy for the past ten minutes. With your mouth open, might I add?”

“Was not,” I muttered out a quick denial, before furiously moving my pencil across my sketchbook as if I had been deeply engrossed in my work and not staring across the café at the man we’d come to nickname ‘Book Guy’.

He was, as he often did, sitting alone in front of the tall glass windows, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him as he buried his nose in yet another book. I came to this café often because it was near my apartment, and he did too. He was a friend of the owner, Im Jae Bum; I could tell from the way the latter often sat down and chatted with him when there weren’t too many customers. We saw each other so frequently that sometimes, we would smile at each other politely when our paths crossed, but that was the extent of our acquaintance. We never spoke or exchanged names, hence the nickname. Once in a while, Jihyun would meet me here and each time, if Book Guy was here, she’d tease me mercilessly and try to goad me into talking to him. It’d never worked before, and it was definitely not going to work today.

“I don’t know what you’re so afraid of,” Jihyun said, not buying my words. “Aren’t you a little too old to be crushing on a cute guy from afar?”

“I’m not crushing on him,” I refuted, glancing up at her. “And stop staring at him, or he’ll know we’re talking about him.”

“Good,” Jihyun stated. “It’s about time someone did something about this suffocating situation.”

---

“For god’s sake, just go talk to her already.”

Jinyoung turned, startled at the voice. He hadn’t even noticed that Jaebum had sat down across from him at the table. He blinked, putting down his book and clearing his throat. “Talk to who?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Jaebum said. “You’ve been staring at Sketchbook Girl for the past ten minutes. With hearts in your eyes.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jinyoung denied, flushing. He took a hurried sip of his coffee, before wincing at how hot it was. “What the hell do you make your coffee with? Volcanic lava?”

“Hellfire,” Jaebum deadpanned. “Because you’re a goddamn liar. Ever since she started coming here, you’ve been coming here twice as often. When are you going to stop looking at her from afar and finally talk to her?”

“I…” Jinyoung opened his mouth to argue, but he glanced across the café again at Sketchbook Girl and he felt his words die. He did like her, didn’t he? He liked how she always looked so engrossed in her work, her pencil flying across paper. He liked her oversized sweaters and how her long brown hair tumbled down her back in waves. He liked how she’d absent-mindedly twirl her pencil between long, slender fingers, and how she sometimes scrunched her nose up when she was stressed. He sighed, knowing it was pointless to lie to his best friend. “I’m just not ready to date again, alright?”

“And when will you be?” Jaebum asked point-blank. “It’s been years, Jinyoung. You haven’t even looked at another girl all this time. Isn’t it time to move on?”

“It’s not about moving on,” Jinyoung said. “You know things aren’t that easy for me. And besides, I have other priorities. Dating is just too much effort.”

“She doesn’t look like a very high-maintenance girl to me,” Jaebum pointed out. “I’m sure she’ll be cool, you know, if you guys end up dating.”

“Stop staring at her, or she’ll know we’re talking about her,” Jinyoung hissed at his friend. “And anyway, how do you even know what would be cool with her? You don’t even know her name.”

Jaebum snorted. “Kang Ryeo Won.”

“Huh?”

“Kang Ryeo Won,” Jaebum repeated. “I know her name. She pays with her credit card.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes at his friend’s smug grin, although internally, he was thinking that her name suited her. It was unique and pretty, just like her. “Good for you.”

“Now, make your move, stupid. If you won’t, I will.”

---

“I’m not asking him out,” I said firmly. “I’m done with dating, remember?”

“Okay, so you’ve had really shitty luck with men,” Jihyun admitted. “But take a good look at this guy! He isn’t like one of those artsy, broody, emotionally-damaged kind that you seem to have a knack for choosing. He’s the serious intellectual type – I mean, who even reads actual books now? And most importantly, he looks like he actually has a job.”

“Thanks for that glowing review of my life choices,” I scowled. “It’s not like I have any time to date anyway. Did you forget that I have that showcase coming up?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “You took leave from work, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did,” Jihyun assured me. “Do you even have any idea how many favors I cashed in at work to have a Saturday night off?”

“You owe me,” I stated. “You swore you were coming to my last two shows and both times, you bailed at the last minute.”

Jihyun smiled sheepishly. “I promise I won’t this time. But, I can look at your work in your studio. Why do you need me to be there among all those stuffy rich people when you know I stick out like a sore thumb?”

“Well, I stick out too, and I need you there for moral support! Also…”

“Excuse me.”

I trailed off mid-sentence to see Jaebum standing beside our table. I inclined my head in greeting. “Yes?”

Jihyun tried to wave him away when he started to place a plate with a slice of cake on it on our table. “Oh no, we didn’t order any…”

“This is from the gentleman over at that table,” Jaebum said with a smile. “It’s already paid for.” He set down some cutlery on the table before picking a napkin up from his tray. Instead of putting it down on the table, however, he handed it straight to me. “Enjoy.”

I could only blink in confusion as Jihyun started squealing in excitement. I looked down at the napkin in my hand. There was some writing on it, scribbled hastily with a ballpoint pen.

A row of numbers, with two words above it: Jin Young.

---

That night, I lay in bed, holding that napkin. My eyes trailed towards my phone, sitting on the bed beside me.

Should I…?

I traced a finger lightly over the letters, as if I were worried that they might disappear. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. On one hand, I was slightly annoyed that he’d placed so much power in my hands by having me be the one to make the decision whether to make contact. On the other hand, hadn’t he already made the first move? Although, it wasn’t something I’d imagined a person like him to do, scribbling his number on a napkin to ask a girl out. He looked like much more of a gentleman, like the kind that would ask politely, face-to-face.

Or maybe not.

What did I know? Up until this afternoon, I hadn’t even known his name.

Jinyoung.

My eyes glided over the name, a silly smile lifting the corners of my lips. What a beautiful name. Elegant and refined, just like him. The image of his face, his bright, doe-like eyes and shy smile, floated into my mind.

I’ll do it.

It was just a friendly gesture, right? I ought to at least thank him for the cake. It was just polite. No biggie.

I grabbed my phone before I could change my mind. I was about to give him a call when I caught sight of the time. It was almost 11 at night. Wasn’t it too late to call? I hesitated. Maybe I’ll drop him a text instead. Determinedly, I opened up a new chat window, typing his number in. I quickly typed in a message, and then deleted it just as quickly. Chewing on my lip, I started crafting another line, which I also deleted. After doing this tango with myself four or five times, I finally had a decently worded message that I thought sounded just cool enough without sounding too desperate or disinterested.

Hello, is this Jinyoung? This is Ryeowon, the girl you gave your number to today. I just wanted to say thank you for the cake you sent over. It was delicious. Nice seeing you today too.

Knowing that I would change my mind if I hesitated any longer, I quickly pressed the ‘send’ button. The moment I did that, I slammed my phone down onto the bed, kicking my feet under the blanket from all the nerves. Then, I composed myself again. Well, what’s done was done. There was no room for regret. Now, all I could do was wait.

And I waited. Minutes went by and my phone was silent. Just when I consoled myself with the thought that he might have been an early sleeper, my phone dinged with a message. It was pathetic how fast I jumped on it, eagerly opening up the message. I was just killing myself with the anticipation of what he would say, but when I read his message, my face fell.

Hi Ryeowon, there must be a mistake. I didn’t send over any cake. By the way, how did you get my number?

A million thoughts ran through my mind. Could I have made a mistake? Was it not him? Did I get the wrong number? I checked the napkin again. No, there was no mistake. I had texted the correct number. I quickly fired back a reply.

Are you Jinyoung? The one who always sits by the window at Jus Coffee, reading a book? Jaebum brought some cake to my table and gave me your number on a napkin, saying it was from you.

The next message came a lot quicker.

Yes, that’s me. I’m assuming you’re the one who’s always sitting near the plant, drawing in your sketchbook? I’m really sorry, but I’m afraid Jaebum was up to some mischief. I never asked him to do either of those things. I’m sorry to have caused you to misunderstand.

I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment at that. So it was a practical joke? I didn’t know Jaebum very well, so I had no idea why he would do such a thing. Perhaps it had been well-meaning, like how Jihyun was always trying to set me up with guys. Oh well. From his messages, it didn’t seem as if Jinyoung was very interested, but I’d taken my shot, so at least, Jihyun wouldn’t bug me about it any further.

Ah, I see. There’s no need to be sorry, since I got free food out of it. Don’t worry, I understand. I also have a friend who’s always trying to get me to date someone. Sorry to bother you so late. Have a good night!

I put aside my phone, sighing. It was a long shot anyway. At least he was nice enough to say things plainly instead of leading me on. He was tons better than all the shitty guys that I did end up dating. Still, I couldn’t help eagerly clicking on the next text message that came in.

Yes, isn’t that a real pain? I’m really sorry. Next time we run into each other at Jus Coffee, let me buy you cake for real as an apology. Have a good night.

---

“Excuse me, Ryeowon…?”

I looked up from my laptop, brows creased in annoyance at the interruption. However, my features instantly relaxed when I saw who it was standing in front of me. “Oh… Jinyoung?”

He smiled as he held out a small plate. “I’m here to deliver my apology cake, as promised.”

“Oh, uh…” I straightened, scrambling to gather some of my papers so I could clear a space at my table. “You didn’t have to.”

“I want to,” he said pleasantly, setting down the plate. “Enjoy.”

My heart was pounding as I watched him talk. Technically, it wasn’t our first conversation, since we’d had one over text, but it was the first time we were speaking face-to-face, and it felt weird. I’d admired him from afar for so long that it felt as if a celebrity had stepped off the screen and was talking to me. I’d never heard his voice before, but it was exactly like how I imagined it – soft, gentle and refined, just the way he appeared.

I was so tongue-tied that it took him actually turning away for me to realize that I hadn’t said anything. “Hey, um… do you want to… maybe, um… sit here?”

Jinyoung paused, eyebrows raised. “Really? It’s alright, you look pretty busy and I don’t want to disturb you.”

“It’s okay,” I said quickly, internally cringing at how desperate I sounded. “I’m not that busy. Could probably use a break anyway.”

Unexpectedly, Jinyoung nodded. “Sure.” He pulled out the other chair at my table and sat down directly across me, setting down the book he’d brought with him today. Then, there was an awkward moment of silence as we just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Jaebum broke the silence by choosing that moment to appear.

“Iced Americano for the gentleman,” he announced, setting down Jinyoung’s drink. Then, he placed a drink in front of you. “And a long black for the lady. Your usual.” He handed Jinyoung’s card to him, grinning. “I charged it to your card.”

Jinyoung snatched his card back with narrowed eyes. “Thanks.”

“Thank you,” I said bemusedly, watching their interaction.

“Enjoy,” Jaebum said, bowing deeply before sidling away.

Jinyoung gestured to him. “He’s really annoying, isn’t he? I apologize for him.”

I chuckled. “He’s nice. You guys seem really close.”

Jinyoung nodded. “Yeah, well, we’ve known each other since high school. That’s a good…” His eyes rolled upwards as he counted in his head. “…fifteen years. Wow, we’re much older than I imagined.”

“That probably explains why he tried to set you up with me,” I quipped.

“And I’m really sorry about that,” Jinyoung said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “I told him a million times that I wasn’t interested in entering a new relationship, but he went ahead and did it anyway. I hope it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, don’t worry, I totally understand,” I replied with a wave of my hand. “My friend does the exact same thing to me. I don’t know why she acts like singlehood is a disease. She doesn’t believe that people choose to be alone.”

“One good thing did come out of it, though,” Jinyoung pointed out, smiling shyly. “I’m sitting here, talking to you. I made a new friend.”

I nodded, smiling back. “Yeah, so did I. Now we can actually talk to each other instead of smiling awkwardly every time we see each other.”

“As long as I’m not disturbing you,” Jinyoung said. “You look like you’re doing something important.”

I made a face as I looked down at my order forms. “Yeah, well, it’s incredibly mundane stuff, really. I’m having this showcase this weekend, and there’s all this paperwork to get through. When people told me to chase my dreams and be an artist, nobody told me that I’d have argue with contractors over screws and light bulbs and how many millimeters my fishing lines have to be in order to prevent my paintings from crashing upon the heads of buyers that are going to pay next month’s rent.”

Jinyoung looked intrigued. “Ah, you’re an artist, then? No wonder I always see you drawing. Do you have to take care of all the logistics on your own, though? Can’t you hire someone else to do it?”

“I do have an agent,” I explained. “But trying to put together a whole event is just a lot of work. I’m painfully introverted, so he has to do all the bits that involve talking to people – inviting guests, finding buyers, gathering media, coordinating with the owners of the venue… In exchange, I take the less glamorous aspects of it. If I could actually get up there and mount the lights and paintings myself, I’d do it, but you know… Sorry, I’m boring you with details, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not,” Jinyoung assured me, shaking his head. “It’s sounds really interesting. I work as an editor in a publishing house, so all I do is sit around and look at words. Trust me, I’m not easy to bore.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You read for a living, and you still choose to do it in your free time?”

Jinyoung smiled sheepishly. “I really do love reading. In my job, I read a lot of seriously terrible writing. I feel like I need to read good writing whenever I can so that I can balance it out. And also, it helps me do some market research about what’s out there, and what people are reading.”

“So essentially, when you’re relaxing in a café, you’re actually still working,” I pointed out.

Jinyoung chuckled. “I need a life, don’t I?”

I shrugged. “I’m the last person to judge. I rarely do anything exciting.” Then, I had a thought. “Unless… Never mind, you wouldn’t be interested anyway.”

“No, please tell me,” Jinyoung said, leaning forward in his chair. “I’m open to any suggestions you have.”

“You could come to my showcase.”

“This weekend?”

I nodded. “I mean, only if you’re interested. It’s just a small event in a gallery, and I’m displaying a series of paintings about the banality of life in a big city.” I started getting self-conscious. Why was I even inviting him to see my work? He was a complete stranger. I could sense myself rambling at some point, but like a train careening off its tracks, I couldn’t stop myself. “But it’s probably not your scene. Hell, it’s not even my scene. I just smile and nod and pretend to be some snooty, eccentric artist when in actuality, small talk terrifies me. I’ve been trying to get my friend Jihyun to come with me, but she keeps bailing on me at the last minute. In fact, I’m sure she’s going to send me a text any minute now and—”

“I’ll come.”

My train came to a screeching halt and for a moment, I could only stare blankly at him. “What?”

“I’ll come,” Jinyoung repeated, with his trademark smile that brought out the creases in the corners of his eyes. “I can be your company for the night. And it’s been a while since I went out to appreciate art. It’ll be fun.”

“Oh, I’ll, uh…” I looked around the table, flustered. “I’ll have my agent add your name to the guest list.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow mischievously. “Really? Just like that? What if someone pretends to be me and tries to get in?”

“I’m not even famous,” I said with a laugh. “Nobody would be interested to crash my party. Seriously, you don’t have to come just to be nice. I’m sure you have better ways to spend a Saturday night.”

“I don’t,” Jinyoung assured me. “And I want to. I really want to see your work.” He smiled again, causing my heart to skip a beat. “I’ll see you on Saturday night, Ryeowon.”

---

Saturday rolled around really quickly. I spent the day on my feet (and sometimes even on my hands and knees) just trying to get everything in order for the opening that night. It was evening before I knew it, and my agent had to physically remove the tools from my hands and force me to take a shower and get changed. I managed to put on a slinky dress, apply some make-up and sweep my hair up into what I hoped was an understated by classy up-do, just as the first guests started arriving.

Well, here we go.

For the first hour or so, I was whirled around the gallery by my agent, where I smiled and greeted people while downing champagne to make the night go by easier. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was terrible at small talk. I mostly allowed my agent to lead the conversation, chiming in only when I was asked a question. Among the circles, I was known to be a real ice queen, but I supposed being an artist meant that no one really took offence to that. Most people just accepted that us ‘creative types’ had our own quirks and eccentricities, and that was something I was thankful for.

My name was all over the place, and the event was for me, to celebrate the work I’d just completed, but to be very honest, I was bored out of my mind. If I had it my way, I’d never have a showcase. Unfortunately, the reality of my work was that I needed people to buy my art in order to keep making art, and hence, I had to make it through these events. To make things worse, Jihyun had, expectedly, bailed at the last minute. Which was why I was exceptionally relieved when Jinyoung walked in through the door.

I hadn’t pegged him for an art person, but he looked like he belonged here. He was dressed in a black and white checked suit with a black t-shirt underneath, standing perfectly on the line between casual and dressy. He caught my eye and gave me a smile, which I returned, and gestured that he was going to walk around while I finished my conversation. I nodded, and waited for my agent to finish his spiel about how I’d gotten my inspiration for the piece we were looking at, an abstract piece titled ‘To: You’. He was going on and on about how it was about a lost lover (it wasn’t), and the buyers, a couple in their fifties, were lapping it up. I waited for him to stop talking, and for the couple to look at me with sympathetic eyes, the wife touching a hand to her heart, and to offer me their deepest condolences.

I finally managed to escape. I found Jinyoung standing in front of a painting, his hands in his pockets as he stared intently at the canvas. I snagged two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and sidled up beside him. “May I offer you a drink, sir?”

He turned to me with a smile. “Thank you.” He gestured to the room. “I took a walk. Your work is beautiful. Although I’ll be very honest here – I don’t think I understand any of it.”

I clinked my glass with his. “Well, thank you for being honest. I didn’t make my art to be understood. Artists aren’t game masters setting puzzles to be decoded, you know?” I lowered my voice. “It’s part of the reason why I hate these things. Everyone’s trying to interpret my art and come up with some kind of ‘correct’ message, as if they aren’t just looking for something to class up their interior design.”

“An artist that hates it when people appreciate her work,” Jinyoung commented with a laugh. “That’s something new.”

“Well, they can appreciate it silently,” I pointed out. “Most people are just talking aloud because they want to appear smart and cultured. It’s as if they’re superior beings if they can ascribe some kind of meaning to my work or partake in ‘artspeak’, if you will. It’s awfully pretentious. If you listen closely, you’ll realize that they’re saying a lot without saying anything at all.”

“You sound like an expert,” Jinyoung said bemusedly.

“I am,” I agreed. I cocked my head with a smile. “Is that doubt I hear in your voice?”

Jinyoung chuckled. “I’m sure not everyone is that bad.”

“Oh yeah?” I challenged confidently. “Alright, let’s play a game. We walk around the gallery, and every time we hear someone say something pretentious, we drink.”

“Just to be clear, what constitutes ‘pretentious’?” Jinyoung asked.

“When someone calls my work ‘provocative’, for example,” I pointed out. “Or talk about how I’m trying to portray some kind of ‘sensibility’, or ‘inner conflict’. Or show some kind of ‘complexity’. Oh, and every time someone says something about the human condition, we drink twice.”

Jinyoung was laughing by this point. “You can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious,” I answered. I grabbed his hand. “Alright, let’s go. I swear you’ll understand when you actually hear it.”

The rest of the night was actually a lot of fun. Jinyoung and I hovered around behind people, listening to them talk to each other about the works they were looking at. (To be fair, my agent was also going around trying to perpetuate all these cryptic messages because apparently things sold better if you had a story.) And tonight was turning out to be a bountiful night, because there were a lot more weird comments going around than usual. Jinyoung realized very quickly that he did recognize completely vapid artspeak when he heard it. Midway through the night, we added ‘sublime’ and ‘interwoven’ to our list. It was safe to say that by the end of the night, we were both light-headed and giggly from the effects of bullshit and too much champagne. At some point, we found a corner to hide in and just talked to each other. He was a fascinating person. He talked about his work, and his interests, and the books that he enjoyed. He had a way of speaking that was just so pleasing to listen to. I didn’t even realize that we were the last two people left until my agent came up to me.

“Ryeowon, good news…” he started, before realizing that I was holding on to Jinyoung’s arm to keep myself upright. “Are you okay?”

“Yeap!” I said chirpily. “What’s the good news?”

“We sold everything but one piece,” he said. “And it happens to be the one you said was your favorite.”

I turned to Jinyoung and scoffed. “See? I told you nobody really understands my art.”

We stood in front of the aforementioned painting, a piece titled ‘You Are’. It was by far the darkest piece in terms of color, and the only one on which I’d used black paints quite liberally, but in terms of the meaning that it held for me, this was the most hopeful and uplifting one. It depicted a dark room, with a window in the center of it, looking out towards a patch of sky. I tried to capture the sky at twilight, just before the sun set, which was why I used hues of purple, pink and orange.

“Tell me what you were thinking when you painted this,” Jinyoung said softly beside my ear.

“Nothing much, really,” I answered, staring at the painting. “This was the one piece that came really easily. I was struggling to find inspiration, and I was in a space where I was doubting everything that I had done. And I just looked out of the window, and suddenly, I just felt really lucky. Just to be able to have a job that I like, that affords me little luxuries like looking at the sky when I want to.”

“That’s beautiful,” Jinyoung said, looking straight at me. For a while, neither of us said anything. Then, he turned to my agent. “Do you still have room for one more buyer? I’ll take this piece.”

---

The last leg of the night was a little blurry to me. I remembered being light-headed and giddy with excitement when I left the gallery, waving away my agent, who’d offered to give me a ride. Somehow, I ended up taking a taxi with Jinyoung, and somehow, he’d insisted on walking me up to my apartment. Somehow, we ended up stuck outside my apartment door as I struggled to remember the passcode to open my door.

“Fuck, why isn’t this opening?” I grumbled as another obnoxious beep sounded, indicating that I’d keyed in the wrong code again.

“Is this even your house?” Jinyoung asked, laughing softly so he didn’t wake my neighbors. He looked up at the unit number above my door, reading it aloud. “Is that correct?”

“Yes, it is,” I insisted, jabbing random numbers now. “Do you think I’d not know my own address?”

“Well, I’d assume you would also know the passcode to your own door, but here we are.”

I glanced up from my attempt to crack the code to my front door. “Are you laughing at me?”

Jinyoung shook his head cutely, pursing his lips. “I most definitely am not.”

Okay, he’d definitely had too much to drink. And clearly, so had I. Why wasn’t the goddamn code working?

Jinyoung’s hand shot out, holding mine so I would stop pushing random numbers on the keypad. “Stop doing that. If you try too many times, it’ll think you’re a burglar and lock you out.” He shook with quiet laughter. “Or worse, your security company will be alerted and we’ll be arrested.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” I whined. “We’re stuck out here anyway.”

“Just stop,” Jinyoung said, tugging me away from the front door and inadvertently closer to himself. “And think.”

“Think,” I repeated. We were standing so close to each other now that I could smell the musky, slightly spicy scent of his cologne. When I lifted my eyes, all I could see were his lips, tantalizingly within reach. He looked down, his eyes meeting mine, and I could see him stop breathing. He swallowed, and I could see that he was trying to clear the fog in his brain. For a moment, I thought he was going to release me and move away, but he didn’t. Then, in the next moment, it was clear that neither of us were thinking when the gap between us slowly disappeared, our lips meeting.

I was most definitely, certifiably out of my mind. Other than the fact that I barely knew the guy, he had very clearly friend-zoned me. And friends in the friend-zone didn’t make out with each other. None of that seemed to matter as he tangled his fingers in my hair, shaking it loose from the pins that held it up. His lips moved fervently against mine, with passion and longing that definitely was not supposed to exist between friends. I felt a light-headedness that had nothing to do with the alcohol. As he pressed me against the door, I slipped my hand under his blazer, delighted at the hard muscle that I felt beneath the soft fabric of his t-shirt. His hips rolled against mine and a low, delicious groan left his lips. My hands slipped under his t-shirt as his tightened around my waist. Everything was too fast, and too much, yet not enough at the same time. Were we really doing this here, in the corridor outside my apartment?

A loud ringing sound rudely jerked us both out of the haze of lust. We jumped apart like two guilty teenagers, breathing hard. I looked away, trying to rearrange my hair and clothes as Jinyoung fumbled in his pocket for his phone. He glanced guiltily at me before stepping away to answer it.

“Hello?” he greeted, trying to catch his breath. “Yeah, I, uh…” He stopped to look at his watch. “I’m really sorry. I ended up staying later than I expected… Yeah, I’ll come over now. Sorry.”

I wiped my lips surreptitiously, willing my senses to return as I tried not to overhear him. Unfortunately, it was late and the hallway was quiet, so I heard every word despite him whispering. My sobriety was fast returning to me as the awkwardness set in. I turned away, trying my electronic lock again. The traitorous thing sounded with four successive chimes as the mechanism unlocked. I could have sworn I’d entered the same numbers the last ten times. Now, it looked like I’d gotten it wrong on purpose.

“Well, whaddya know?” I announced lamely, turning to Jinyoung. Neither of us could meet each other’s eyes now, and from the apologetic look on his face, I could tell that he regretted our transgression as much as I did. I would like to say that didn’t hurt me, but the truth was, it did, a little bit.

“I’m sorry,” he said, although I wasn’t sure what for. “I have to go. You’re uh… You’re alright?”

“Well, yeah,” I answered, pointing to my open door. “You should go. To you know, whoever’s waiting for you.”

He looked embarrassed. “Right. Um, it’s not… Yeah. Well…”

“You got a little…” I gestured to the corner of his lips, where my lipstick had transferred. Maybe I was enjoying his discomfort a little. Not like he didn’t deserve it, for being so infuriatingly confusing and impossible to read.

“Right,” he said, quickly wiping his lips. He didn’t successfully get it all, but I didn’t tell him. He bowed, retreating. “Goodnight, Ryeowon.”

“Goodnight, Jinyoung.”

I slipped into my apartment without waiting for him to leave first. When the door was firmly shut behind me, I leaned against it, letting out a long exhale. What on earth had just happened?

---

“Maybe he’s married,” Jihyun speculated, her voice hushed.

I gave her a blank look. “No ring.”

“He could have taken it off,” Jihyun countered. “Or maybe he has a girlfriend.”

“He said he was single and not looking to date.”

“Gay?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “His friend tried to set him up with me, Jihyun. And trust me, from how he kissed me that night, definitely straight.”

“Maybe he has performance issues,” Jihyun said gravely. “I heard that after 30, the risk of having some kind of sexual dysfunction goes up exponentially.”

“Or, he’s a perfectly normal guy who’s just not interested in me,” I suggested. “How’s that for a radical idea?”

“Well, it just doesn’t make sense,” Jihyun huffed.

“You know what doesn’t make sense?” I pointed out. “You bailing on me even though you said you wouldn’t. This is all your fault.”

“Someone called in sick, okay?” she defended. “I couldn’t just walk out.” She looked across the café at Jinyoung. “Besides, it’s not my fault that you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself. What I want to know is: how he does he go from jumping your bones to, you know… this?”

I did know what she was referring to, unfortunately. Today was the first day Jinyoung and I had crossed paths after that night, and it had been unbelievably… friendly. Jihyun and I were already at our usual table, and when he’d come in, he’d come over to say hi, and then headed off to his usual table and started reading. There wasn’t even a hint of awkwardness in his behavior, or any indication that anything out of the ordinary had happened. He’d just been a regular polite acquaintance, saying hi and then going off on his way. It felt like I was the only one who felt that the whole situation was weird.

“I’m sure something is wrong with him,” Jihyun decided. “I mean, look at him! He’s handsome and educated and seems like the perfect gentleman. There’s no reason for a man like that to be single if he’s normal.”

“Jihyun, just drop it,” I sighed. “Whatever’s up with him, I don’t need to know, alright? I said I wasn’t interested in dating, and I really don’t need all this drama. Whatever happened, happened, and I’m just going to move on.”

I glanced across the café at Jinyoung’s side profile. It was a pity he was so confusing, because for a while, I’d genuinely enjoyed his company. That night at the gallery, I’d really felt like he understood me. Shaking my head, I turned away. It didn’t matter how perfect he was. If he was going to be such an indecisive wuss, he didn’t deserve my time or energy.

---

“Class, shall we say a big thank you to Ryeowon-ssaem for the lesson today?”

“THANK YOU, RYEOWON-SSAEM!”

“Thank you for being such great students!” I said, bowing to the class of eight-year-olds. “I hope you enjoyed your time today.”

As the bunch of excited elementary schoolers started packing their bags and running out of the classroom, I turned to their teacher, Ms. Park, deflating. “I don’t know how you do this every single day. It’s exhausting!”

“It’s tough, but it has its perks,” Ms. Park said with a laugh. “Thank you so much for offering to do this. The kids really loved you.”

“Or, they loved having time off from lessons to just mess around with paint,” I replied, embarrassed. To be honest, I just volunteered because my agent thought it would be great for publicity, and he’d spent the most part of the day snapping photos to post on my profile page. I definitely had fun hanging out with the kids all day, but I wasn’t altruistic by any means.

“Perhaps,” Ms. Park joked. “Either ways, thank you so much. Come, I’ll see you out.”

I followed her lead out of the classroom and down the hallway, to the entrance of the school. With her, the small talk wasn’t so bad. She asked about my latest project, and I told her it wasn’t quite coming together yet, but there were a few pieces I’d created here and there. She suggested that I come back because I could gain inspiration from the kids, and I politely agreed, but thankfully, before she could hold me to it, she paused in front of one of the students, who was sitting alone in front of the driveway.

“Jeha, you’re still here?”

The boy jumped up to bow to us. “My appa says he’ll be a little late.” He smiled at me, his large round eyes twinkling. “I really enjoyed your class today, Ryeowon-ssaem. Will you be coming back again?”

“Maybe sometime in the future,” I said vaguely.

“Jeha wants to be an artist when he grows up,” Ms. Park told me, beaming proudly.

“Do you?” I asked, suddenly feeling endeared to him. “Maybe the next time I display my work, I’ll invite you.” Although, I didn’t even enjoy my own showcases and there was probably too much alcohol around.

The boy looked absolutely delighted. “Do you have your own studio where you get to just spend all your time painting?”

“Oh, Jeha, looks like your appa’s here.”

Before I could answer, a black sedan pulled up to the driveway. Even before he stepped out of the car, I caught a glimpse of the driver and I felt my stomach drop to the floor. I looked at Jeha again, and came to the shocking realization that there was indeed an uncanny resemblance I hadn’t noticed before.

Park Jinyoung was his father.

He had a son. Jinyoung had a son.

The shock and confusion I felt must have been obvious, because Jinyoung looked clearly uncomfortable as he approached us. He avoided my eyes as he greeted Ms. Park first, and took Jeha’s backpack. Then, his eyes slowly meet mine and he bowed his head meekly.

“Oh, you know each other?” Ms. Park asked obliviously.

“I’m a regular at his friend’s café,” I said as means of explanation, not even looking at her. This whole time, I was just staring at Jinyoung, confused. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact that he was this kid’s father. The boy was eight. Wasn’t Jinyoung a little too young to be his father? Was this why he was being all weird? Was Jihyun right? Was he married?

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice small.

“Ryeowon-ssaem came to teach us art,” Jeha piped up. “We used watercolors today.”

“Oh, did you?” Jinyoung cooed at his son. His eyes flickered up to me for a moment. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes!” Jeha declared. “Can we go and see her work next time? Ryeowon-ssaem has a studio!”

“Yeah, sure,” he said patronizingly. He looked back at me again. “Um, do you need a lift?”

“No, thank you,” I said calmly and coldly. He wasn’t the only one who could behave like a stranger. “I’m calling a cab. Have a good day.” I waved at Jeha, smiling. “Bye, Jeha!”

---

“Can I sit?”

I lifted my eyes from my sketchbook briefly. “Sure, Jeha’s appa.”

Jinyoung sat, his brows knitted in consternation. “Why are you calling me that?”

“Isn’t it true?” I asked.

“Are you mad?”

I sighed, setting my book aside. “That you have a son? No. That you failed to mention it before you kissed me and then acted like nothing happened? Yes, a little.”

Jinyoung sucked in a deep breath, looking defeated. “What was I supposed to do? Open a conversation with ‘by the way, I’m a father of an eight-year-old’?”

“It’s not something to hide or be ashamed of,” I said blankly. “Is it?”

“God, no,” Jinyoung answered quickly. “I couldn’t be prouder of Jeha. It’s just… something that scares people away.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why would it? You said we were just friends. Until you ambushed me, at least.”

The corner of Jinyoung’s lips twitched. “You were equal parts to blame, Ryeowon. You kissed me back just as eagerly.”

“You confused me,” I said defensively. “In fact, you’re still confusing me right now.”

“I think I confuse myself too,” Jinyoung admitted. “I just… I know I said I didn’t want to date, but I think I’m just scared of being rejected. I mean, it’s not something easy for women to accept, and I think… I wanted you to like me.”

“I do,” I said, before correcting myself. “I mean, I did. I… I don’t know, right now.”

“I do,” Jinyoung said firmly. “I really do like you. I’m sorry I handled things really badly, and I understand if you think I’m a jerk. It’s just the first time I’ve been interested in someone since, you know… Jeha’s mom.”

“The call you got the other night?” I asked.

“Babysitter,” Jinyoung clarified. “The ahjumma next door takes care of Jeha when I’m out, and I was supposed to pick him up earlier, before I got um… distracted. Jeha’s mom isn’t around anymore.”

“Can I ask… what happened?” I asked tentatively. “You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m just… curious.”

Jinyoung looked down at the table, playing with his fingers absently. “She died in an accident. Four years ago.” He forced a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It took a while to come to terms with it. In fact, I just managed to stop wearing my ring this year. It got tiring to hear people asking where Jeha’s mom was.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, forgetting momentarily that I was supposed to be mad at him. “It must be tough, raising a kid alone.”

Jinyoung shrugged. “I guess. But he’s mine, you know? I’m prepared to take care of him on my own. I don’t want to be one of those single dads who’s looking for a mother for my child. Although, I suppose…” He gazed tentatively at me. “We come in a package, and whoever I date has to be able to live with that.”

“I see.” He was still looking expectantly at me, but I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. It had come as a shock to me that he was a father, but who was I to judge? It wasn’t like I had to decide right now whether I was going to marry him and take care of his kid forever.

“I don’t know where this is eventually going to lead to,” Jinyoung said carefully, his expression sincere. “I can’t promise anything and I don’t know whether things will work out in the end. All I know is that I don’t really want to stay away from you. I want to see you, and get to know you better. And I’m really hoping you feel the same way too.”

I thought about the night at the gallery. It had felt so natural, so comfortable to hang out with him, and it was the first time in ages that I’d laughed so much. I wasn’t the type to get close to others easily, so this connection meant something to me. On top of that, he was also handsome and charming and smart. There was just something magnetic about him that I couldn’t say no to. I sighed. “And if I say that I do? Then what?”

“Then we start over and see where this leads us,” Jinyoung said, breaking out into a big smile, dimples and all. “Give me a chance to make things right. Let me take you out on a date.”

---

Two days later, we went on our first date.

It wasn’t anything special. We took a walk along the Han River, and ate at a cute little noodle place that he swore had the best dumplings in the world. On our second date, we went to a museum. On our third date, we went to a movie and in the darkness of the theatre, he held my hand for the first time.

Compared to the short-lived whirlwind romances I usually found myself in, Jinyoung and I were really taking things slow. He was the perfect gentleman. He planned our dates in advance, brought me little things to surprise me (cookies, a book he liked, a flower he plucked from a bush we passed) and was extremely considerate. He was always apologetic about the fact that our dates were short, because he had to juggle work and taking care of his son, but none of that mattered to me. Despite the slow pace, within a few weeks, I was falling harder and faster than I ever had before.

It was exhilarating, but in equal parts terrifying.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Jihyun questioned, her expression betraying her skepticism. “I mean, he’s a widower, and he’s over thirty, and he’s got a son! A son! Surely there are better men you can date.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, stirring my coffee. “You were the one trying to push me to him. What happened to him being smart and handsome and having a job?”

“That was before I knew that he had a full-grown child!” Jihyun pointed out, her eyes automatically shifting towards the corner that Jinyoung usually sat in. He wasn’t here today, but even she’d come to do that by habit. “Have you considered that? Are you ready to thrust into motherhood?”

“I’m not going to be Jeha’s mother,” I said, glancing at Jaebum to make sure he was still behind the counter, lest he heard Jihyun talking shit about his friend. “I’m just going to be this really cool aunt that his father happens to be dating. Jinyoung doesn’t expect me to take care of his kid for him.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Jihyun said, her tone snarky. “I’m sure he’s going to lead two separate lives, one with you and one with his son. That’s totally going to work out.”

I folded my arms, exasperated. “Then what, Jihyun? Am I supposed to just dump him because he has a son? He’s the first person I’ve ever dated that really understands me. All those other guys I’ve been with, they just liked the idea of me: that I was someone who went against the grain and was a rebel, or at the very least, looked like I would be up for anything in bed. Not Jinyoung. When he looks at me, I feel like he actually sees me.”

Jihyun softened. “It sounds like he’s really special to you.”

“He is,” I answered in a small voice. “I really like him. I’m happy, when I’m with him.”

“And I’m happy for you,” Jihyun said. “I’m just worried about how things are going to pan out. It’s not going to be easy, you know?”

I chewed on my lip. “I know that. But… it’s worth a shot, right? I mean, I’m really just enjoying the ride right now. I know things might get tough, but we’ll cross that bridge when it comes… right?”

“Oh, honey,” Jihyun sighed. “I really hope you guys know what you’re doing.”

---

“I want you to meet Jeha,” Jinyoung said one day, without any warning.

I looked up at him, surprised. It was a random afternoon, and we were snuggled up in my living room, both of us reading our books. It was becoming more common, us being alone together. We were both so used to being alone that we had our little habits and our pockets of me-time, but we were also in that fuzzy honeymoon phase of our relationship in which we wanted to spend all our time together. Hence, this was the result: quiet afternoon dates with each other for company while we did our work or just read.

“I’ve met him,” I said, quietly averting my eyes, even though I knew what he meant.

“I mean officially,” Jinyoung said, putting down his book. “I want him to know that we’re dating. That you’re my girlfriend.”

I continued staring at my book, even though none of the words were making sense anymore. “Would an eight-year-old even know what that means?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Jinyoung admitted. “But I want him to know anyway. He’s going to see you around a lot, and I want him to know why. You both mean a lot to me, and I don’t want it to seem as if I’m hiding you from him.” I said nothing, but he seemed to sense my apprehension. He pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. “What’s wrong?”

I twisted so I could look up at him. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

Jinyoung smiled. “What do you mean? You’re already his idol.”

“Yeah, but that’s before I was his dad’s new girlfriend,” I pointed out. “Us being together changes things.”

“It does,” Jinyoung agreed. “But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?”

“How do you know?” I complained. “He could hate the idea of his dad being with someone. He could think I’m trying to steal you.”

Jinyoung wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I wish I could give you a definite answer, but I really don’t know how he’s going to react. This is the first time I’ve tried to date after his mother passed.” It was a horrifyingly unsatisfactory answer. I tried to squirm out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go. “But he’s a good kid. He’s independent, and mature; he knows I’m having a hard time, and so he takes care of himself well. I’m sure that he’ll want me to be happy.”

I gave up my feeble struggle. “Are you? Happy?”

“I am.” He relaxed his grip, putting enough space between us so that he could drop a light kiss on the tip of my nose. “I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Every day, I wake up feeling so lucky that I found you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I accused, although I couldn’t help but blush.

“I’m not,” Jinyoung refuted, chuckling. “You make me so happy, my heart feels like it might burst.”

I leaned up to give him a kiss on the lips before snuggling into his embrace. That, I could relate to. Jinyoung was warmth itself. Being in his arms made me feel so comfortable that it was almost frightening. I was so ridiculously, sickeningly happy that I was sure that life was going to punch me in my face at any moment and tell me that it was one big practical joke.

“It would make me happier if I could spend time with both my favorite people,” Jinyoung said, oblivious to the way my heart was pounding in my ears. “What do you say?”

---

“Wow, this is awesome!”

I watched as Jeha ran around my studio, touching brushes and palettes. He stopped to marvel at a row of paint tubes. “Appa, did you even know they made paints in so many colors?”

Jinyoung was beaming as he looked at me. “Wow, I had no idea.”

“This is so cool!” Jeha gushed, pausing in front of one of my newer paintings. “You’re a really good artist, Ryeowon-ssaem.”

“Try not to touch anything,” Jinyoung warned, and seeing this fatherly side of him caused my stomach to flip-flop. For a few hours a week, I got him all to myself, but this was a reminder that he came with a plus-one, and I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that.

“Thanks, Jeha,” I said brightly, pushing aside the unease. “You want to create something with me?”

The way Jeha’s eyes lit up made me smile. He was a really cute kid, and I could really see some of Jinyoung’s mannerisms in him. “No way. Can I really?”

“Of course,” I said. I loaded a blank canvas onto an easel and pulled up a chair for him so he could reach it easier. Then, I brought him some pencils. “You want to start by drawing something?”

I had to admit, hanging out with Jeha was pretty fun. He was a smart kid, eloquent beyond his age, and also pretty talented at art for an eight-year-old. He drew some robots from a cartoon he liked, and we had fun mixing colors with acrylic paint and painting them. I taught him how to play with shades and gradients, and he learnt quickly. Jinyoung just hung back, watching us, occasionally offering suggestions and taking pictures. Then, he left us alone to order lunch. By the time Jeha and I sat back to admire our finished masterpiece, take-out had arrived. All three of us sat down on the floor with our bowls of jjajjangmyun.

“So, Jeha, did you have fun today?” Jinyoung asked, leaning over to wipe a smudge of paint off his son’s face.

Jeha nodded eagerly. “It was the best. When I grow up, I want to have a studio just like this.”

“You can come over again,” I offered. “We can try playing with other things next time.”

Jeha looked at Jinyoung with wide eyes. “Can we?”

Jinyoung’s eyes found mine as he nodded. He held my gaze for a while, and I knew he was going to do it right then. “Of course. You’re going to see Ryeowon-ssaem a lot more often from now on. As long as she’s free and doesn’t mind, you can come hang out with her.”

Jeha must have picked up from his father’s tone that this conversation was taking a serious turn, because he looked slightly confused. “I am?”

Jinyoung nodded, looking at his son. “Jeha, you like Ryeowon-ssaem, right?”

Jeha nodded slowly. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, you see,” Jinyoung licked his lips. He reached out and grasped my hand in his. “Appa likes her a lot too.”

My heart was pounding so loudly I could barely hear what he was saying. I couldn’t believe that I was so desperate for the approval of an eight-year-old boy, but I was. I could only stare at his face, hoping to catch a glimpse of what he was feeling. To his credit, the boy had an amazing poker face. It was clear that he was no longer smiling like before, but his expression was blank, betraying no emotion, neither positive nor negative.

“I like her so much I asked her to be my girlfriend,” Jinyoung was explaining to Jeha. “I want to spend time with her, and I want her to be a part of my life, which means she’ll be a part of your life too.”

“Does this mean you’re going to get married?” Jeha asked.

“No,” I quickly blurted out.

Jinyoung glanced at me, furrowing his brows disapprovingly. “We don’t know,” he said gently. “Adults usually date for some time before they decide whether or not to get married, and Ryeowon-ssaem and I have only been seeing each other for a couple of months. It’s too early to say.”

“Okay.”

Seriously, the kid was way more mature than an eight-year-old was supposed to be. He seemed to be taking it in his stride, quietly processing what he’d just been told. I hadn’t even realized I was holding my breath until he turned and spared me a glance. When he did, though, my stomach sank.

He didn’t like it.

His expression was still blank, and he wasn’t outwardly expressing any emotion, and I know I sound crazy, but I could just tell that his eyes had hardened. Earlier, he’d been looking at me with unbridled joy and awe, but now, his beautiful round eyes conveyed what I could only interpret as something closer to hatred.

We looked at each other for a long moment, and I felt like I should say something, but my mind was blank. He was the first to break the silence with his sweet, innocent voice.

“Can I use the washroom?”

I nodded, swallowing hard. “Sure. It’s that way.”

“Thank you.”

We were silent again as Jeha excused himself. When he was out of earshot, I turned to Jinyoung, who was looking at me expectantly. “That wasn’t too bad, was it?”

My hands shook as I started clearing our empty bowls. “Jinyoung… he doesn’t like me.”

“What? No,” Jinyoung disagreed, taking the bowls from my hands. “Where did you get that?”

I looked at him, hoping for some assurance that I wasn’t crazy. “Didn’t you see him? He was all happy and smiling, and when you told him, his mood just changed.”

“He just wasn’t expecting it,” Jinyoung assured me with a smile. “That’s just the way he processes information. He’ll need some time to mull over it, and then decide how he feels. If he were unhappy, he’d have shown it right away.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “Why does that sound so much like someone else I know?”

“He’s just like me,” Jinyoung said with a grin. He leaned over to steal a kiss. “And if I like you so much, how can he possibly dislike you?”

That helped me feel better a little bit. We cleaned up together, and when Jeha returned, it was time for them to go. I saw them to the door, and Jeha bowed politely to me. “Thank you for today, Ryeowon-ssaem. I had a lot of fun.”

I could tell it wasn’t with the same amount of enthusiasm as he’d had earlier, but I forced myself to push my worries out of my mind. “I had fun too, Jeha. When our painting dries fully, I’ll have your appa bring it home for you. Or, you can come and get it yourself next time.”

The boy said nothing and bowed again before trudging away. Jinyoung pulled me in for a quick kiss before rushing after him. “I’ll call you later.”

I nodded, and closed the door after them. I let out a huge sigh as I dragged myself back to my workspace. Whatever the outcome of that meeting was, I was just glad it was over. I took another look at the painting that Jeha and I had created together, and I gasped.

Across the front of the painting was a big, messy splotch of purple paint.

---

“I don’t know why you’re afraid of an eight-year-old.”

“He hates me!” I whined, looking nervously at the gate of the school. I looked around me at the handful of parents that were standing around, waiting for their kids to come outside. “What if he doesn’t want to come with me and the parents here think I’m some kind of kidnapper?”

Jihyun sighed loudly over the phone. “Honey, he’s eight. If he doesn’t go with you, where will he go? It’s not like he can call a cab.”

“He could scream, or run, or I don’t know, ask another adult to call the police?” I hissed at her.

“Look, he’s not going to do that,” Jihyun stated calmly. “Jinyoung told him that you’re coming to pick him up today, right? If he weren’t okay with that, he’d have thrown a tantrum already, and Jinyoung would have had no choice but to ask someone else for the favor.”

“Jinyoung doesn’t believe that his son hates me,” I pointed out. “And the kid is pretty crafty. He acts like he’s fine in front of his dad, but… did I tell you about the painting?”

“Yes, you did, like three times,” Jihyun said blankly. “And what did Jinyoung say about that?”

“He said that Jeha probably did it by accident and was afraid to tell us because he didn’t want to get into trouble,” I answered, running a hand through my hair. “But the painting was upright, Jihyun. A spill would have been an accident. It looked like someone had flung a tin of paint at it. There’s no way that wasn’t deliberate.”

“Well, he’s eight,” Jihyun reminded me. “If he really did that, then you give him a good scolding when you see him and make sure he doesn’t vandalize anything again in future. If you’re going to be his stepmother, you should be able to discipline him.”

I scowled at my phone. “Really not helpful, Jihyun.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Jihyun complained. “I want to tell you that you’re crazy for thinking you’re at war with a kid, but you’re clearly not listening to me. None of this is rational. I don’t know how I can possibly help.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I’m over-thinking this. He’s eight. How hard can it be to win him over?”

“That’s the spirit,” Jihyun cheered. “Alright, my break’s over. Let me know how it went tonight!”

I hung up, steeling myself with another deep breath. Some of the kids were already starting to spill out of the school gates, and I kept my eyes on the entry way in case I missed Jeha. I only had to wait a few more minutes before the boy appeared, his eyes scanning the row of adults. When his gaze landed on me, his face visibly fell. This time, his dad wasn’t around, so there was no need to hide his disdain. He dragged his feet as he came up to me, bowing half-heartedly.

I forced a bright smile onto my face, determined not to let him get me down. “Hi, Jeha. Your appa had an important meeting and ahjumma is sick, so it’s just you and me today. What shall we do?”

Jeha looked up at me. “Can’t we just go home?”

“Your father said you need to get lunch first,” I pointed out. Technically, I could also bring him home and cook for him, but my cooking skills were abysmal and it was too early in our relationship for either father or son to find out. “What do you want to eat?”

He shrugged. “Anything.”

I forced myself to hold in the sigh that was forming. How was I supposed to know what he liked? I thought about it for a second. “How about fast food?” Kids loved fast food, right? How could I go wrong with fast food?

Jeha just shrugged again. “Okay.”

There was a fast food restaurant nearby, so we walked there together. We had to take a short walk, and there was a short queue, so the silence wasn’t that painful. It was when we had sat down with our burgers in front of us that I really started to feel the awkwardness.

“So…” I said, trying to break the tension. “How was school?”

“It was okay.”

He didn’t even look up at me when he said that. He wasn’t rude by any means. His tone was polite, and he used honorifics, but it was obvious that he had no desire to continue the conversation.

“Oookay,” I exhaled. “Learnt anything new?”

“Multiplication. Grammar. We also learnt about the life cycle of a fly.”

I perked up. “That’s interesting.” It wasn’t, but I was grasping at straws. “Tell me about that.”

“I don’t want you to marry my appa.”

I nearly choked on my burger. He was finally giving me something, but it was the last thing that I’d expected to come out of his mouth. “W-h… What?”

“Don’t marry him,” Jeha repeated. “We’re supposed to be a family. Me, him and umma. Not you.”

Wow, this kid really had a way with words. “I’m not marrying your appa, Jeha,” I said gently. “We’re just hanging out. Like friends, but closer. Like partners. We can support each other, and…”

“We don’t need you,” Jeha insisted. “We’re fine on our own.”

I swallowed, trying not to show him that his words were affecting me. “Jeha, your appa has been alone for a while, and he can get lonely. I know he has you, but he can also have a companion, an adult, beside him. Not to replace your umma, but—”

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I knew I had said something wrong. That was the trigger, the mention of his mother. Before I could stop it, something in the kid snapped.

“I don’t want you to be my umma!” he hollered at the top of his lungs. His hand lashed out, and he knocked his drink over, causing the liquid to spill all over the table and onto the floor.

I panicked, grabbing at napkins to try to mop up the mess. His face was red now, and he was sniffling, but there was nothing I could do. I felt like bursting into tears myself. The other patrons of the restaurant were staring at us now, and I could only imagine what they were thinking. “Stay here,” I whispered to Jeha, before rushing to the counter to get more napkins. One of the staff members eventually came over with a mop, and I could only bow my head, apologizing repeatedly. It was hands down the most embarrassing moment of my entire life, but that feeling was trumped by the feeling of dread that had settled itself deeply in the pits of my stomach. I could no longer look at Jeha in the eye. I wrapped up his abandoned burger (in case he got hungry later), shoved some napkins and him, and herded him out of the restaurant. One silent cab ride later, we reached Jinyoung’s apartment. The moment I got the front door open, he disappeared into his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

When I was sure that he wasn’t coming out, I sat down in the living room and let myself cry.

Jinyoung came home barely an hour later. I was still in the same spot, and he just had to take one look at me to know that something was up. He tried to put his arms around me. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

I pushed him away. Now that he was back, I could finally get the hell out of this place. “I can’t, Jinyoung. I can’t.”

I bolted from his apartment, leaving him sitting there and wondering what on earth had happened.

---

Jinyoung called that night.

I was lying in bed, hoping that my sheets would just swallow me whole so I didn’t have to go out and face the world again, when my phone rang. I considered not answering it, because I didn’t want to deal with anything that he had to say, but I saw the contact photo on my phone screen and my heart softened.

I missed him. I felt like complete and utter crap, and he was the only person in the world who could make me feel better. Even if he’d indirectly caused the pain in the first place.

I answered.

“Hey.”

His voice was heavy, and I just knew in my heart that he wasn’t going to be able to give me the comfort I needed.

“You there?” he asked when I didn’t respond.

“Mm.”

On the other end, he was silent too. Then, he let out a low sigh. “I spoke to Jeha.”

“I see.”

“I’m really sorry. No matter what he was feeling, that’s no way for him to behave. I’m punishing him by reducing his computer time, and he’s going to write you an apology letter.”

“It’s alright, he doesn’t need to.”

“He does,” Jinyoung insisted. “I don’t punish him nearly enough and he’s a brat. I’m sorry.”

An uncomfortable silence fell. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I kind of wanted to ask him what this meant for the both of us, but I was too afraid to because I had a feeling I knew what his answer would be. I didn’t have to ask anyway, because Jinyoung knew what was on my mind.

He always did. He got me in a way that no one else ever did.

“Ryeowon,” he said quietly, and I knew what was coming. I felt the heaviness in his voice in a place deep within me. I knew, and I understood. “I really, really like you. These past couple of months, I’ve been really happy. You helped me open up my heart in a way I never thought was possible after I lost my wife.”

“I know,” I said, biting my bottom lip to keep my voice steady. The tears were already threatening to fall, but I didn’t want him to hear that. “You’ve made me really happy too.”

“If things were different…” his voice cracked, and I could tell that this conversation was as hard for him as it was for me. “I mean, I just… I’m so sorry I started this when I knew there was a chance I could hurt you. It’s just… Jeha is my first priority, and he always will be.”

“I know,” I assured him. “You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I’m sorry anyway,” Jinyoung replied softly. “You deserve so much more than I can give you.”

I wished he wouldn’t say that, because it wasn’t true. The relationship I’d had with him, however short-lived, was possibly the best I’d ever had. It was my first real relationship, one that was based on trust and mutual support, and was unlike any of my previous toxic, unhealthy ones. With Jinyoung, I felt like I could finally believe that soulmates actually existed. But of course, like everything else in my life, it was too good to be true. I had found the perfect man for me, but I couldn’t have him because someone else had found him first.

Story of my life.

“I think it’s for the best if we just… end things here.”

That opened the floodgates. I knew they were coming, but nevertheless, hearing those words hurt so much that for a moment, I was paralyzed. I pursed my lips, trying to hold it in so he couldn’t hear me breaking down. I tried to take in deep breaths through my nose.

“Ryeowon… you still there?”

“Yes,” I managed to choke out. “I… yeah. I understand.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

We both fell silent again. What was there left to say? None of my previous relationships had ended like this, so I had no idea how to end this conversation. I couldn’t very well scream at him like how I did with all my exes and ask him to go to hell, since he hadn’t done anything wrong. This was the most mature, adult break-up I’d ever had, and I was out of my element. It felt contrived to thank him for the memories, and I couldn’t offer to remain friends because I knew I could never be friends with him. I’d fallen too deeply in love with him for us to turn back.

Wow. Love. It was the first time I’d thought of it that way. What perfect timing to realize that I was in love with someone, right after he’d broken up with me.

Again, story of my life.

“I guess… I’ll see you around at the café?” he said first, after a long pause.

“Yeah. Bye, Jinyoung.”

Have a nice life.

“Bye, Ryeowon.”

---

“You need to get the fuck out of this place.”

I squinted against the bright light as Jihyun yanked the blinds open. Next, she went for the blanket that I had over me, leaving me exposed on the couch that I had in my studio.

“When was the last time you had a proper meal?” she demanded, wrinkling her nose in disdain at the empty ramyun cups that littered the table. “Or a shower?”

“Leave me alone,” I grumbled, trying to bury my head under a cushion.

Jihyun yanked that away from me too. “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’ve left you alone for way too long. Get your ass off that couch right now.”

The tone of her voice told me that she meant business. Jihyun was a straight talker, but she rarely got angry at me. Right now, she was definitely angry and ready to fight me. I could tell. Which was why I reluctantly dragged my heavy body into an upright position. “Happy?”

“Far from it,” she snapped. “What the fuck is this? You haven’t been answering my calls, you stopped going to the café… Are you trying to kill yourself? Over a failed relationship?”

“I’ve been working,” I refuted, standing and walking over to my workspace, where almost a dozen completed paintings were lined up neatly. “Apparently failed relationships are really good sources of inspiration.”

Jihyun sighed loudly as she scanned the pieces. “What the hell, Ryeowon? Have you run out of colors?”

I hadn’t planned for it to turn out this way, but now, looking at my paintings, I realized she was right. The entire collection of them had been completed using only black, white, and varying shades of gray. “It… It’s an artistic choice.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Jihyun stated, rounding on me. “Babe, this isn’t healthy. It’s been weeks since the break-up. You can’t just hide in here surrounded by all these dark thoughts and dark paintings. How are you going to move on if you don’t start living your life normally again?”

“I’m living normally,” I insisted defensively. “I’ve been working.”

“You haven’t stepped into your usual café since the break-up. I asked Jaebum.”

That was a valid point, but there was a good reason for that. Jinyoung had said he’d see me around at the café, and I didn’t want to actually see him until I was ready so… I just haven’t gone.

“I can make coffee here,” I said, folding my arms.

“I bought you that coffee machine three years ago when you rented this space, and you never touched it,” Jihyun pointed out. “Come on, you need to get out. Meet people. Talk to people.”

“You know I hate that.”

“Communication is a fundamental human need, Ryeowon,” Jihyun said. “You need to do it so you don’t go crazy.” She sighed again as she faced me. “I know it’s hard, but you have to get over him.”

“I’m over him,” I said in a small voice, but because she was my closest friend in the world, she didn’t believe me.

“I know he was special,” she said, her voice softening. “But you can’t romanticize the idea of him and trap yourself in this spiral. At the end of the day, he’s just another guy who wasn’t meant to be. He’s a stop on your journey, and you need to get back up and keep moving on. You’ll find someone better. Someone with less baggage.”

I still couldn’t bear the mention of Jinyoung, so I nodded, even though I didn’t fully agree with her. “I know. I’m trying.”

“Good,” she said, with a small smile. “So no more moping. Let’s go out to dinner tonight. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I said, holding my arms open for a hug. I was lucky I had Jihyun in my life. Even if all the relationships in my life didn’t work out, I still had my best friend. Sometimes, I just needed a reminder of that.

She wrinkled her nose and stepped away from me. “After you take a shower, stinky.”

---

“Hi, are you Ryeowon?”

I looked up in curiosity at the man who was standing in front of me. “Um… yes?”

“Hi, my name is Bam Bam. I’m a friend of Jihyun’s.”

I stared at the lanky stranger as he pulled out the chair in front of me and sat down. Why was he sitting down? I was supposed to be meeting Jihyun for dinner at this restaurant, and she hadn’t told me she was bringing a friend. I’d asked for a table for two, so if her friend was here… It took me a moment before realization dawned on me.

Damn Jihyun. She’d set me up on a blind date.

The hypothesis was further confirmed when Bam Bam held out an ostentatious bouquet of roses. “Here, I brought these for you.”

“Uh, thanks.”

I was immensely annoyed at her. Why did she do these things to me? And why did she think I would be interested in this guy? Sure, he was handsome and built like a model, but his style was way too flashy. He had on a blazer with sequined details, and his ears were adorned with dangling silver earrings. His shirt was unbuttoned way too low, and I think he was wearing more make-up than I was. Not to mention, his hair was platinum blond and he was wearing shades even though it was night time. Where did she even meet this guy? On the runway at Seoul Fashion Week?

“You’re prettier in person than in the photo Jihyun showed me,” Bam Bam said with a charming smile, taking off his glasses and setting them down on the table.

My irritation only spiked. She showed him a photo of me? Which one?!

“Thanks… I guess?” I said through gritted teeth. “Pardon my surprise. I had no idea I was being set up on a blind date.”

Bam Bam was unfazed by that. “Oh, yeah, Jihyun did mention you might be a bit… resistant. But it’s all good. We can just have dinner as two friends who just met. No pressure.”

“Right.” He was right. I could have dinner with him. And then kill Jihyun later.

Dinner with Bam Bam wasn’t all bad. He was an entertaining character, and I could see that he’d be a fun friend to have around if I was in a group. One on one, he was just a little… much. He talked a lot about himself, and laughed a little too loudly at his own jokes. Long story short, I could tell why he was single and needed his friends to set him up on blind dates. In the history of blind dates, it wasn’t the worst date. It just wasn’t one of the good ones.

My eyes were wandering while Bam Bam launched into another anecdote about one of his restaurants (he was a restaurateur, not a model) when they landed on something that made my heart stop. Walking through the door, looking as breathtakingly handsome as the last time I’d seen him, was Jinyoung.

I cursed my luck that there were only like, two good restaurants in this neighborhood. Why else would I run into him here, of all places, when I’d been trying so hard to avoid him this whole time? And I also cursed Jihyun because if she’d just let me stay cocooned in my studio, this wouldn’t have happened. Especially not while I was on this blind date that she’d tricked me into.

It took a while for him to spot me. He looked like he’d just popped in to get some takeout, and he stayed at the counter, ordering and paying. Then, as the service staff left to prepare his order, he scanned the restaurant and caught sight of me. I felt like I should have pretended not to see him, or at the very least, made some attempt to hide that ridiculous bouquet on my table that just screamed that I was on a date, but I couldn’t help freezing when our eyes locked across the room. He was in a long coat and had a cap on, but I could still see that he’d lost a bit of weight. There was a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his face. I thought I saw a flash of betrayal in his eyes, and for a moment, I felt guilty.

“Hello, Ryeowon? What are you looking at?”

Bam Bam’s voice pulled me back to the conversation at hand, and I turned to face him once more. “Nothing. Just thought I saw someone I know, but I must be mistaken.”

“Happens to me all the time,” Bam Bam chortled. “As I was saying, this is Latte, and this is Pudding…”

I feigned interest as Bam Bam leaned over to show me pictures of his cats on his phone. When I finally got a moment to glance back over at the counter, Jinyoung was gone. There was an empty feeling in my heart, but at least it didn’t hurt anymore. Time seemed to have dulled the pain from our break-up. I looked at Bam Bam again and told myself I didn’t have to feel guilty. Sure, it was a little soon, but we were broken up, and I had every right to date someone new. I had no interest in the man right in front of me, but I could date him if I wanted to. I had done nothing wrong.

That was what I told myself.

But at the end of the night, after I had said goodbye to Bam Bam with empty promises of meeting up again and returned to the cold silence of my room, I still cried myself to sleep.

---

More time passed, and I was, slowly but surely, healing.

I was still avoiding Jus Coffee, but I’d found another place to get my caffeine fix. Just one block down, a small coffee place had opened up. It wasn’t a café, just a small takeaway window, and I passed by it every day on my way from home to studio. It was so hipster that it didn’t even have a name, and I knew it by the number 2 that hung above the window, signifying the unit number of the store. It was run by a friendly barista, Yugyeom, and I hit my daily communication quota by chatting with him while he made my coffee.

Colors were finding their way back into my paintings too. Okay, maybe just some blues and purples to add dimension to my black and white paintings, but it was a start. The whole collection was starting to come together too. I had channeled all my heartbreak onto the canvas, and there was something incredibly therapeutic about watching the artwork take shape. My agent would be happy with this series too. This time, there would be a real lost-love story he could tell potential buyers.

It also no longer felt as if my heart was being ripped in two when I thought about Jinyoung during long nights. Every night, it hurt less and less. I was on the road to making a full recovery.

That all came to a head one day, when I was making my daily coffee run.

“Hey, Yugyeom, I’m here for my daily long black!” I called, popping my head into the window. My smile quickly died when I saw that Yugyeom wasn’t alone. There was someone else very unexpected standing beside him behind the counter. “Oh. Hey, Jaebum.” For some weird reason, I felt like I was cheating on him. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other.”

“He was my senior in high school,” Yugyeom said cheerfully. “Let me get you your coffee.”

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. If he went to the same high school as Jaebum, that meant that he probably also knew Jinyoung.

“Didn’t expect this twerp to open up a shop right down the block from me and steal my customers,” Jaebum commented with a laugh. “Is his coffee really better than mine?”

“I, uh… I’ve been busy,” I said, feeling weird that I had to make up excuses to explain why I was buying coffee from another joint. “This place is a bit more convenient.”

Jaebum laughed. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I was just kidding.”

I laughed awkwardly. “What are you doing here, instead of at your own café?”

“Actually, I was looking for you,” Jaebum said. “I didn’t have a way to reach you, and by chance, Yugyeom and I were talking and he mentioned your name. Since your name is pretty unique, I thought there was a high chance that it might actually be you.”

I was confused. “You’re looking for me? Why?”

“Ah, it’s not for myself,” Jaebum clarified. “I’m doing someone else a favor.” He craned his neck to look out of the window. “Where’s that fella? The convenience store isn’t that far from here… There he is. That’s the person who wants to meet you.”

I turned in the direction he was pointing, and my stomach sank like a brick.

“Hello, Ryeowon-ssaem.” The boy held out one of the ice-cream cones he was holding in his hands. “This is for you.”

I was confused as hell. I looked back at Jaebum for help, but he just raised his eyebrows at me. Realizing that I was leaving the kid hanging, I took the outstretched offering. “Um, thanks.”

Behind me, Jaebum held out his hand too. “My change?”

Jeha scurried past me to drop some change in Jaebum’s hand.

“Thank you,” Jaebum said with a smile. “Now, didn’t you say you had something you wanted to say to Ryeowon-ssaem?”

Jeha nodded. “Yes. Ryeowon-ssaem, can I talk to you?”

The whole situation was just so baffling. Given the way our last conversation had ended, Jeha was the last person that I expected to be reaching out first. Yet, here he was, looking somewhat morose as he peered at me from under his long lashes. I had to admit, I was actually a little scared, but I couldn’t say no. And that was how we found ourselves sitting side by side on the curb in front of Yugyeom’s store.

“I need to tell you that I’m sorry,” Jeha said quickly, without beating around the bush. He sounded nervous and his words sounded as if he’d rehearsed them. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you and said hurtful things to you. You were being nice to me, and I was rude and ungrateful. I’m very sorry.”

I smiled awkwardly. “It’s okay, I forgive you. Your appa said you were punished and you had to write a letter. You don’t actually have to meet me face to face to apologize.”

“I know, but I wanted to,” Jeha responded, reminding me again how mature he was for an eight-year-old. “Other than saying I’m sorry, I also wanted to ask you for a favor.”

That caused a feeling of unease. “You do? What is it?”

“Please be with my appa again.”

I could only stare at him in bewilderment, surprised at his proclamation. “What?”

“I was scared,” Jeha explained. “I thought that you were going to take my appa away. He was sad for a long after umma was gone, but he was happy when you were together. I know you’re not trying to replace umma but I was worried he was going to forget her.”

“He will never forget her, Jeha,” I assured him. “She’s a huge part of your lives and she always will be. But it doesn’t mean that your appa has to be sad forever to remember her.”

“I know that now,” Jeha answered. “I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking about how he felt. It’s been a long time since he was happy, but he was happy because he cared about you and you cared about him. You made things better for him, but I ruined it.”

Wow. For a moment, I was just speechless. I was blown away at how reflective the kid was. Was he supposed to be like this? Were other eight-year-olds also like this? “Jeha, it’s not your fault,” I explained to him carefully. And it wasn’t. At the end of the day, I had been too scared to accept everything that came along with Jinyoung, and he’d been too scared to fight for me. The kid had been a trigger, but he wasn’t the only problem. “Sometimes, when adults are together, problems arise. Your appa and I were happy for a while, but if we continue, we might not be. And when we don’t see a future together, it’s alright for us to part. We both made that decision, not you.”

“But you wouldn’t have made that decision if I didn’t scream at you.”

“We can’t know that,” I pointed out with a chuckle. “Either ways, we both thought about it, and we decided that this was for the best. It’s not your fault at all, Jeha. Okay?”

Jeha blinked, clearly confused and not satisfied with my answer. “If this is for the best, then why is Appa so sad?”

My smile faltered. Was he still upset over the break-up? It’d been months by now, and I’d thought that I was slow in my recovery, but even then, I was starting to feel good about myself again. I’d worried about how Jinyoung was doing, of course, but I’d always assumed that he’d be able to get back on his feet quicker than I did, simply because he had more things to worry about in his life.

“He doesn’t go out anymore,” Jeha continued. “He goes to work and then he comes home, and he just lies on the couch for hours at a time, staring at the ceiling. He tries to go out with me, but he’s always so tired and restless. When he smiles or laughs, I can tell that he’s pretending. I think he’s sad because he misses you.”

That did sound bad. It also sounded a lot like how I was the first few weeks. All I wanted to do was to curl up and forget that I could no longer seek shelter in his warm embrace, or feel his loving kisses on my forehead, or hear his deep laughter beside my ear. I hated everything that reminded me of him. I couldn’t look at a book, I couldn’t wear knitted sweaters, and I didn’t even want to let in sunlight because anything warm and bright reminded me of him.

But it got better. It eventually did. And it eventually will for Jinyoung. As much as my heart ached, I knew that I wasn’t the right person to make things better for him.

“Jeha, I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I can’t escape the blame for your appa feeling so down, and I care about him, I really do. But I also want you to know that us being together again is not the answer. If we’re not right for each other, this is going to happen again in the future.” And also, if Jinyoung wanted me back, he knew where to find me. The fact that he’d been avoiding me as much as I had been avoiding him meant that he knew this too. Getting over each other was a battle we had to fight alone.

“But…”

“I know it’s hard to understand,” I told him. “But I’m not the person who can help him feel better, Jeha. You are. You’re the most important person in his life, and if you’re happy and healthy, he’ll be happy too. Can you be strong for him, Jeha?”

Jeha didn’t look like he fully agreed with me, but he nodded anyway. “Does this mean you won’t see us again?”

That hit me a little harder than I thought it would. Yeah, I guess this was it. I forced a smile. How could I break his heart when he was looking at me with that adorable pout that was a splitting image of his father’s? “Of course not. My offer for you to come to my studio to make art still stands. I’ll call you when I have time, okay?”

Even as I said it, I knew I was making a promise I had no intention of keeping.

---

I pulled on the handle of the door, rattling it even though I already knew it was locked. I peered in through the glass, hoping to catch sight of someone, but the lights were off and it was empty.

Exactly the same as it had been the last three times I’d checked.

I sighed and pulled out my phone, calling Jaebum again but like the last three times, it rang on and on with nobody picking up. He’d forced my number out of me that time he’d ambushed me at Yugyeom’s, claiming he might need it ‘for emergencies’, but thankfully hadn’t used it. At least, not until last night, when he’d said that he needed to talk to me and asked me to meet him here, at his café. I’d arrived on time, despite every rational cell in my body telling me that I shouldn’t even be here, and I was quickly regretting it.

His café didn’t even open on Tuesdays.

I shoved my phone back into my pocket, genuinely pissed. He was going to get it from me the next time I saw him. I didn’t even know him that well. I had no idea why he thought it would be fun to pull a prank on me.

I was turning to leave when the sight of someone walking towards me made me freeze.

It was Jinyoung.

He was looking at a bunch of keys in his hand, and didn’t even see me until he was two steps away from me. He was in a casual sweatshirt and jeans, with a cap on his head and a face mask obscuring the bottom half of his face. When he spotted me, he stopped short. Then, he slowly pulled down the mask, as if he felt the need to identify himself.

“Oh,” he said breathlessly. “Hey.”

I didn’t know what to do with myself. “Um, hey.”

We both stood there, staring in silence at each other for a moment. He looked worse than the last time I’d seen him, now that I was looking at him up close. He used to be really sensitive about his facial hair, and would shave a second time in a day if he felt even a hint of stubble. Now, it looked like he’d let it grow for a few days and it was rough and patchy. His face looked gaunt and there were bags under his eyes. There was a frizzy tuft of hair sticking out under his cap that indicated that he’d pulled on the cap hurriedly to hide his messy, unstyled hair. This was a far cry from the poised, put-together Jinyoung that I used to know.

“Wha-uh…” He scratched the back of his neck, looking at me, but not quite meeting my eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Jaebum asked me to meet him here,” I said, ignoring the way my heart was beginning to hurt again the longer I stood there looking at him. “I had no idea he, um…”

“Oh, he was meeting you?” Jinyoung asked, surprised. “He said there was an emergency and he needed me to come unlock the door for him. Was there something you needed?”

I shook my head. “No. I actually haven’t been here in a while. He just told me to meet him here without explaining anything, and now he won’t answer my calls.”

The corners of Jinyoung’s lips twitched as realization dawned upon him. “Ah… I see. It looks like he’s done it again.”

I was confused for a moment, but seeing his raised eyebrows, I finally got the message. He’d done this on purpose, so that we would meet. Again. “Dammit. And I fell for it again.”

Jinyoung let out a light chuckle. “So did I. He’s a real meddler, isn’t he?”

“He really is,” I huffed. “I don’t know him very well, but I don’t think I like him very much.”

Jinyoung jingled the keys in his hands. “In that case, shall we take revenge? For all the years I’ve known him, he’s never even offered me a free coffee.”

Just for a split second, I hesitated. I didn’t feel confident enough to be alone with Jinyoung just yet. But with the way he was looking at me hopefully, I just couldn’t say no to him. “Sure. I’ve always thought he overcharged for coffee anyway.”

Jinyoung opened the door of the café and we went inside. I took a seat at the bar, while Jinyoung went behind the counter, switching on equipment with a practiced ease. I allowed myself to indulge in the sight of him grinding coffee beans like a pro. “This look suits you,” I couldn’t stop myself from teasing. “Barista Nyoung.”

Jinyoung cracked a smile. “I’m a man of many talents.”

“I’ll judge for myself after I’ve tasted the coffee,” I quipped. For just a second, I allowed myself to bask in the moment we’d just shared. It felt good, to be able to talk to each other in this light-hearted manner again. I wondered if I’d been worried for nothing. Maybe it was possible for us to be friends.

He finished making two cups of coffee and went around the counter to sit beside me. That felt slightly awkward, even though he made sure to keep a respectful distance between the two of us. I took a sip of the coffee just to fill the empty silence.

“How is it?”

I nodded. “It’s pretty good.”

He nodded too. “Good.”

We both fell silent again. I stared at my coffee, not really wanting to look at him, but I could feel him doing the exact opposite. His body was slightly angled towards me, and I could sense that he was staring at me.

“You look good,” he said after a long time.

“Thanks,” I replied awkwardly, glancing at him. “You too.”

“You don’t have to lie,” Jinyoung said with a bitter smile. He rubbed his chin self-consciously. “I look like a mess.”

I couldn’t even dispute that, so I said nothing and took another sip of coffee.

“So, how’s you and uh…” He scrunched his nose up. “Bam Bam, right?”

My head snapped towards him in astonishment. “What? How did you…”

“I saw you on a date,” Jinyoung admitted. He probably wasn’t sure that I’d seen him too. “And, I uh… I just asked someone. He’s pretty well-known in these parts.”

That, I had no doubt about. During our date, we had been interrupted multiple times by people who had recognized him and just come to say hi. “It wasn’t a real date,” I said sheepishly. “Or, it kinda was, but not… Jihyun set me up. Without telling me.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung said. I wasn’t quite sure if that was glee I detected in his tone. “So… you’re not still seeing him?”

I shook my head. “No. He’s not my type.” I wanted to add that he should know that, but I didn’t.

“I thought so too,” Jinyoung mused. “But I wasn’t sure.”

There was more I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him to give me a bit more credit and that I wouldn’t have moved on so quickly, but we were interrupted by the sound of both our phones going off at the same time.

“It’s Jaebum,” I said, looking at the screen of my phone. I opened the text message that he’d sent.

Just a disclaimer: I wasn’t the mastermind.

There was a photograph attached, and when I opened it, it was a picture of him and Jeha, both of them grinning cheekily for the camera. I looked up at Jinyoung, and he held out his phone to me, to show me that he’d gotten the exact same message.

“Now he’s even corrupting your son,” I complained. “You should really re-assess your friendship.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “I don’t know. I feel like I need him. He’s always the one who gives me a push when I’m too afraid to go after what I want.”

I looked at him, feeling my mouth turn dry. He wasn’t joking anymore. I could tell by his expression.

“I was always painfully shy,” Jinyoung explained. “When I met my wife, I had the biggest crush on her. We took the same classes for two years, but I didn’t even dare to say hi. It was Jaebum who introduced us. When I graduated, I really wanted to work for my current company, but I didn’t have the confidence to apply because my grades weren’t fantastic and they were the top publishing house in the country. Jaebum was the one who sent in my resume. He was always there for all the important moments in my life, helping me find the courage to make major decisions. He was there when I proposed, he was there when Jeha was born, and he was there when my wife passed. He was the one who made me talk to you, and that’s still something I’m extremely grateful for.”

“Technically, he made me talk to you,” I pointed out with a small smile.

He, too, smiled at the memory. “And that was the push I needed. Today, too… It looks like he’s done it again. I was too much of a coward to call you, even though I was dying to talk to you. It’s like he knew what I wanted, even without me saying it.”

My heart was pounding in my chest now. This was the reason why I’d been avoiding him. I couldn’t listen to him say these things. “You could have called. If you wanted to talk. I would have answered.”

“I wanted to,” Jinyoung said, looking sad. “So many times. When things got hard, all I wanted was to hear your voice. But how could I? I’d hurt you so much. I couldn’t be selfish and stop you from moving on.”

There were so many emotions swirling within me that I couldn’t even begin to process them. “I thought you didn’t call because you wanted a clean break. Because you didn’t want me back.”

“That’s bullshit,” Jinyoung said, looking pained. “There’s nothing I want more than to have you beside me again, but how can I? I have nothing to offer you, and you deserve so much better.”

“Stop saying that,” I chided, feeling tears well up. “You keep saying that, but you can’t decide for me what I want, or what I deserve. You broke up with me without even asking me what I wanted.”

Jinyoung looked down, ashamed. “I know, and I’m sorry. It just didn’t seem fair that you had to make such a big sacrifice to be with me. And I can’t change my circumstances. I’ve been married before, and I have a child…”

“Did you think of asking me if I was willing to make such a sacrifice?” I asked. “If I minded any of that?”

“Well, did you?”

He’d asked that so suddenly that I was stunned. We stared at each other for a long while. Mixed within the hurt and pain was now a hint of hope. But I knew I couldn’t let myself get carried away in the moment and make another empty promise. “Jinyoung… Our break-up wasn’t entirely your fault. I was scared. I don’t know if I was ready to make that decision. I just wished you didn’t make it for me.”

Jinyoung’s shoulders slumped. “I know. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have rushed things before you were both ready. Both you and Jeha suffered because I was greedy.”

I couldn’t disagree. “Maybe. But I understand where you were coming from. I mean, you really love Jeha—”

“And you,” he interrupted me, his eyes unwavering. “I also love you.”

That took the wind out of my lungs again. Firstly, he’d never said that before, when we were dating. Secondly, he’d said it in the present tense. Love, not loved.

“Are you that surprised?” he asked, his forehead creasing just the slightest. “What I feel towards you is strong, and powerful. It’s not some silly fling that I can get over easily. When I saw you on that date, looking so cozy with another man, I thought I was going to die.”

I couldn’t believe that he was saying all these things now, of all times, after we’d already broken up. Frankly, I was a bit annoyed. This was exactly how it’d been at the beginning, when he’d been too much of a coward to talk to me, and I’d had to make the first move. And then again, after he kissed me and pretended that it didn’t happen. I was done with him being so confusing and just saying all these things to sway me, and then doing absolutely nothing about it. I folded my arms over my chest. “Then say it.”

He looked confused. “Say what?”

“You want me back, right?” I asked, eyebrow raised. “Then ask me. Ask me to take you back.”

I could see the conflicting emotions that flashed through his mind. “I… I can’t.”

“Then you won’t have me back. Ever.”

“Ryeowon…”

“You don’t have the right to say all these things to me if you’re not going to ask me,” I stated shortly. “How do you know that I’m going to say yes? If I feel like I’ll be suffering by being with you, I can say no. The point is, I have the right to decide. When you don’t ask me, you take that away from me.” He tried to say something, but I was on a roll. “And when you don’t ask, you never make your intentions known. For all I know, you’re not willing to fight to make things work.”

“I am,” Jinyoung insisted desperately. “It’s just…” He took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’ve been incredibly selfish. I need to learn how to just put my feelings out there, even if it means getting hurt.”

“I’ve always done that with you,” I said softly. “I never held back when I was with you.”

“And that’s something I love about you,” Jinyoung responded. “You’re so much braver and stronger than I am.” He took off his cap and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “This break-up really wrecked me big-time, but look at you…”

I snorted. “What? If you’d seen me two weeks ago…”

“I’m sure you would have been just as beautiful as you are now,” Jinyoung said, smiling fondly at me. He reached out to clasp my hands in his. “I love you. I really, really do.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “And…?”

“I’ve been an idiot,” he continued. “But please, can we try again? I promise this time, I won’t pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, and I won’t make assumptions and decisions—”

“Stop,” I cut him off, unable to stop the smile from tugging at my lips. “No explanations, no putting yourself down. Get straight to the point.”

He chuckled, his hands tightening around mine just slightly. “Please, Ryeowon, will you take me back?”

“I’m scared too,” I admitted. “There’s no guarantee that it’ll work out, or that there’ll be a future for us. There are a million and one things that could possibly go wrong. But I’m willing to try together, to work things out.”

“No explanations,” Jinyoung teased. “Get straight to the point. A simple yes or no would suffice.”

I scowled, snatching my hands away from him, and he burst out laughing, before tugging me to him. For the first time since we’d started talking, his smile actually reached the corners of his eyes. He pulled me closer, and kissed me in a way that had me melting into him.

I’d missed him so much. For a long time, it’d felt like I was cold and empty inside, but now, he was here and he was mine again, and it was making me feel warmth I never thought imaginable. It felt like I’d spent a long day out in the cold, and then wandered into a café and now had a steaming cup of long black in my hands.

For the first time in my life, sitting there with Jinyoung in that café, I finally understood what love felt like:

A cup of coffee.

#jinyoung #got7 jinyoung #got7 #park jinyoung #fanfic #writing #fluff #angst #kpop fanfic #got7 fanfic

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samuraiko · 6 years

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The Price of the Past - More thoughts on THE ROYAL TUTOR

(THIS IS YOUR SPOILER WARNING - I’M GONNA TALK ABOUT STUFF ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE END OF THE SERIES, SO IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED THE ANIME, STOP READING RIGHT NOW. LIKE, NOW. AS IN, WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?)

A lot of folks seemed to like my Pleading Their Case essay, so I’m going back and doing another one, this time on what’s probably my favorite scene in the entire show, from episode 9 (”The Price of the Past”).

The wine cellar scene.

Now, I adore this scene, as you may know from my Top 10 Moments in THE ROYAL TUTOR post. But I want to kind of expand on that here, rather than just gushing about how awesome it is.

THE BACKGROUND:

From the minute our heroes (Kai, Heine, and Maximilian) end up in the cellar, we get a real sense of the danger that they’re in. All three are handcuffed to the wine racks, and Fuchs is openly taunting them that he is quite willing to hurt them (or possibly kill them) to get what he wants.

Up until now, almost every single challenge the princes have faced have been mental (and to some degree, emotional) - Licht being ratted out for working in the cafe, Bruno being tempted with an offer to pursue another career, Leonhard having to overcome his learning problems, and even Kai overcoming his natural shyness and reticence. This is a much, much bigger problem.

Sure, the palace will figure out something’s wrong, and sure enough, this is immediately confirmed when Fuchs outright admits that this is for ransom. Why is this important? It means that Fuchs and his cohorts have pretty much gone “all in” on this one. As Fuchs admits to Heine, “High risks yield high returns,” which means they’re looking at prison for possibly the rest of their lives at the least, and possible execution at the worst. And if your captors are willing to risk prison and/or death, this will generally not end well.

THE PLAYERS:

Maximilian might be awestruck by the estate, but his instincts as a guard are still reasonably solid (he is after all the one to wonder TWICE where Ludwig is, even if no one follows up on that, including himself). And he’s probably kicking himself pretty hard that he wasn’t quite taking this as seriously as he should have. (More on him a bit later, though.) Sure, he might be the best fencer among the guards, but this is real life. And it’s something that I *REALLY* wish the manga would have him learn... like, dude, people’s LIVES are your responsibility here.

For Kai, this is its own sort of nightmarish replay of the incident at the Academy - while Fuchs hasn’t laid a hand on him (yet), Kai already knows that Fuchs has no qualms against fighting dirty, either. (On the flip side, Kai has no qualms about taking care of himself, and he gave Fuchs as good as he got.) And while Kai might not have the same emotional attachment to Maximilian that he does to Bruno, he sure as hell cares a lot about Heine. Not to mention that this is more than a little out of Kai’s league, and he is VERY aware of that fact. So Kai is obviously pissed, and more than a little self-reproaching.

Heine is doing his best to keep things calm (whether defusing it through obstinate humour or trying to rationalize with Fuchs), while providing an anchor for Kai. You also get the feeling that he’s genuinely trying to reach Fuchs in those moments, appealing to things that the princes (Fuchs’ peers) are smart enough to value - solid morals, familial approval, open communication. It also is probably more than a little frustrating for Heine that he knows Viktor is counting on him to protect his sons (”I leave my sons in your capable hands”), and then THIS happens. As we’ll learn later in the series, Heine is more than capable of taking care of himself (yeah, a 16-year-old (ish) kid going up against four of the Royal Guard and WINNING), but now he has Kai (and to a lesser degree, Maximilian) to worry about.

And as for Fuchs, he is clearly a case of someone who claims he suffers at the hands of those of greater privilege, while completely failing to notice how much of his own he actually has. For those not in the know - the traditional ‘von’ you see in most German and Austrian surnames? It’s an indication of nobility. Ralf von Fuchs is actually a NOBLE. The academy he and Kai and Bruno attend? It’s a NOBLES ONLY academy. But over and over, we see how everything is always everyone else’s fault. He doesn’t get top marks? It’s because of Bruno, and not even because Bruno is SMART, but because it’s FAVORITISM. His family disowns him because of what happened? He still “suffers under the pressures and influence of the Royal Court.” And Fuchs’ natural jealousy and not-so-hidden sadism have once again led him to lash out at the princes, to do it where and when he thinks no one else will find out (or be able to stop him), and with others who are willing to back him up (or at least not stop him). Let’s be honest - he could have KILLED Bruno during those ‘training’ sessions.

THE SETUP:

Things come to a head when Fuchs pulls a knife on Kai. Now look at their reactions:

Kai might be afraid, but that stoic facade of his serves him well in this instance because he knows that bullies want to see your fear, and he is not about to oblige.

Maximilian goes from cheerful fanboying over the idea of being famous to being terrified that something will happen to Kai before he can stop it.

And Heine says nothing. Not a single word.

Fuchs’ frustrations lead him to grab Heine by the collar and threatening to cut his throat. And not surprisingly, Kai does not take this well. He takes it even less well when Fuchs tries to make it sound like it’s KAI’S fault that Heine’s about to get hurt (back to that again). And Kai is literally a single breath away from beating Fuchs within an inch of his life (if he doesn’t outright kill him in a blind rage).

RIGHT THERE - that’s when you realize who’s really in control of this situation. And it isn’t Fuchs.

Yes, the focus of the moment is all on Kai as he remembers Helene smiling at him, a remorseful Bruno apologizing to him... but a single glance and two words from Heine freezes him in place.

“Prince Kai.”

(By the way - this is one of the ONLY times in the series we ever hear Heine raise his voice.)

You want proof how intelligent Heine is? Never mind that he’s figured out Leonhard and Kai in the space of a single conversation. Never mind that he beats Bruno at every task the prince could come up with. Never mind that he figures out Licht’s secret in moments.

Watch the scene again.

Here they are in the cellar - Kai is trying to break free, Maximilian is lamenting about the estate, Fuchs is openly taunting them.

What is Heine doing?

He gets Fuchs talking, and he’s steering the conversation every step of the way. He’s keeping Kai from being afraid by letting Fuchs make him angry. He’s giving Maximilian all the information he needs that this is too well-thought-out, too planned for it to be a spur-of-the-moment thing, and clarifies the scope of the danger to the prince. He knows he’s in no real danger, so he LETS Fuchs manhandle him.

And most importantly, HE’S BUYING TIME. Fuchs can’t help but be focused on Kai, he’s almost obsessed with him... which means he’s NOT watching Heine.

And even when Fuchs has a knife to his throat, Heine is utterly disdainful of Fuchs. The expression on his face alone says volumes. “You arrogant child...”

And then Fuchs goes after Kai.

The first domino falls.

THE ACTION:

Watch the moment when Fuchs turns on Kai... and watch Heine in the background. He’s stopped watching Kai, and is now watching Fuchs... and the second Fuchs turns his back on Heine, boom - Heine’s out of the cuffs and in front of Kai.

“With the requisite amount of time and knowledge, Herr Fuchs, a little toy like this is unlocked quite easily.”

One swing of the chain, and Fuchs is cuffed to the wine rack. But it doesn’t stop there - Heine promptly tears down the young man’s arguments by admitting that yes, maybe his family expectations were too high of him, but had he bothered asking for help, he might have gotten it.

And look at Kai’s face - sure, he’s probably wondering what the hell just happened, but at the same time, I get the sense that he’s suddenly seeing what he could have become, had he not had the supportive mentor that he does. He would have kept withdrawing, kept hiding, kept blaming himself (and maybe others) for what happened.

And then... comes the awesome.

Fuchs’ cohorts come down the stairs (after watching the scene multiple times, Heine is outnumbered six to one, I think). Heine issues his declaration to ‘educate’ them, and after ordering Maximilian to protect Kai (a scene better handled in the anime than the manga, I think, because during the fight itself, Maximilian is all business, and he does the smart thing here - the second the kdinappers are past, he and Kai are heading toward the stairs), Heine proceeds to lay a smackdown that is poetry to behold.

THE FIGHT:

Heine has had the last several minutes to study his surroundings, and he uses that information well. He knows where everything is, and where everyone is.

The first thing Heine does is plant his feet and balance himself. Good plan, since the first one to come after him has a knife. He dodges three times to get the measure of his opponent’s skill (and a sense of his reach), lets himself be backed up toward a second opponent behind him, then neatly pivots, grabs his would-be backstabber and throws him right into his assailant. Two down.

The guns come out after that, but Heine’s as lithe as an acrobat, and draws their fire down the room... AWAY from Fuchs, by the way, who’s still chained up at the other end of the row. It takes a certain measure of confidence to nab his cap as he dodges the gunfire, then he picks up a cask lid just as the kidnappers shoot some of the provisions (namely a flour sack), causing flour to go everywhere. While they’re choking, the lid comes flying out of the dust and bam, third attacker is sent reeling.

Unfortunately, he crashes into Fuchs, dislodging the support beams of the casks and causing two of them to fall toward Fuchs, who can’t dodge because of his handcuffs. No problem, Heine has snatched up the fallen beam and shunts the casks away from Fuchs and the guy he just hit.

And now Heine has a weapon that can attack at greater reach (not much good against guns, but as the martial arts adage goes, “If you can’t stand, you can’t fight”). And when all the kidnappers try and rush him at once (since by now they’re out of ammo, and Heine’s not about to give them the time to reload, so it’s back to knives and/or fists), he swings the beam and takes them down. Even better - he’s swinging clockwise, which means he’s more likely to take out the right arms of each of his opponents (all his opponents have come at him right-handed). Heine’s also not shy about aiming for the head or ribcage, either (”if you can’t see, you can’t fight, if you can’t breathe, you can’t fight”).

Once they’re all down, he goes after the leader, who tries to attack him with the riding crop/teacher’s pointer. Heine’s not having that, and two quick dodges and one wrist lock later, that’s the end of that. The leader is cowering on the floor, while Heine nonchalantly kicks the revolver up into his hand, cocks it, and takes a shot between the leader’s legs. (I can only imagine that concrete shrapnel ‘down there’ must HURT, and lucky for him, the ricochet doesn’t kill him, either.)

(By the way - Heine’s ambidextrous - he fires the revolver first with his left hand, then with his right.) And while he’s spinning the barrel to see how many shots he has left, he manages to load the ammo that ends the scene the way it does.

“Who ARE you?! Tell me!”

“The Royal Tutor... my name is Heine Wittgenstein. Let this be a lesson to you, sir.”

Title first, name second. Says quite a bit about which he considers more important, doesn’t it? And said with utter, chilling calm.

THE SIGHTS AND SOUNDS:

Hands down, visually, this is my favorite scene in the anime. The lighting and colouring are fantastic, although I admit that the animation itself is a bit more spare than I’d have liked. Still, it works gorgeously well, and for a street fighter like Heine, a lengthy drawn-out fight might not have worked as well (street fights are more visceral and less elegant). Angles and perspectives are handled beautifully, emphasizing the almost claustrophobic confines of the wine cellar, and constantly showcasing who’s dominant in the scene.

The whole fight scene, by the way, is practically storyboarded from the manga, and made even more impressive by being able to use a moving camera and shifting perspective to give it motion and flow.

(I have to make a side note here - there is ONE notable difference that I caught after first watching the series, then reading the manga. There’s a still frame where Kai is frozen after throwing the punch, and Fuchs is holding up Heine by the collar. In the manga, Heine is pretty much on his knees. In the anime, he has one foot out in front of him. And of the two versions, I prefer the anime one because it captures Heine’s intent more clearly. Heine is ready to make his move as soon as Fuchs turns his back.)

The music is also my favorite track in the series (roughly translated to “Teaching Weapons,” a marvelous dual meaning), to where it almost seems like a dance. The time keeps shifting, keeping things just off-balance enough to convey that sense of chaotic movement. And unlike virtually every other cue in the show, this scene is the ONLY place it appears.

For the dub, you’ve got Micah Solusod as Heine, Daman Mills as Kai, Dallas Reid as Maximilian, Justin Briner as Fuchs (by the way, Justin REALLY needs to play more villains, as he’s fantastic at it), with Chris Sabat cameoing as the ringleader. Everyone’s on their A game here, to the point where it’s hard to point out which one is best. Kai’s emotional reaction to everything going on means that Daman has more of a chance to move past Kai’s usual softspoken voice, Justin manages to give Fuchs an almost delusional, unhinged arrogance, but Micah’s absolute stoicism with its underlying anger and disdain just sells this scene as Heine’s crowning moment of awesome.

So yeah, I love this episode, and I love this scene. Hope you do, too. :)

#the royal tutor #oushitsu kyoushi haine

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madeofbees · 6 years

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CARPAL TUNNEL RESOURCES

Okay listen up my peeps!! As many of you know, I have recently acquired severely painful carpal tunnel syndrome in my right wrist from spending all my time coloring, writing, and journaling. Unfortunately, these are the activities that keep me sane and not suicidal, so I’ve been desperately searching for things that help. The biggest thing everyone says is rest but that’s not super an option SO. I found other things that help, and boy do they help!

Let me share my wealth of knowledge.

MASSAGE

This is another big thing that people say and they are so right. I’m sure a professional massage would be awesome but who can afford that not me that’s for sure. I found this video on YouTube and it’s insane how much this five minute massage helps. I do it in my spare time, when my symptoms are acting up, during coloring breaks, in my sleep...

youtube

It’s such good shit, and it has things I hadn’t thought of myself. Give it a watch.

THE RIGHT WRIST BRACE

So using a brace seems pretty straightforward right? Well, the general purpose wrist brace I had for all my other wrist problems wasn’t cutting it. For one thing, I have absurdly small toddler wrists and in order to get any support I had to tighten it so much it cut off my circulation. For another, it wasn’t providing support in the right places.

I found this baby on Amazon:

It’s. So. Great. I got it in the S/M size and it actually fits me omg. It’s also slimmer than a standard brace, which makes it easier to wear under long sleeves, which in the winter is yes good. Most importantly: it works. It has padding and straps and shapes and magic that make it do what I need it to do. Not only does it help in the long run, when I first put it on my wrist pain immediately dropped from an 8 to a 5. Just like that. Bam.

I can type in it and use my phone and can sooort of write/color, but v messily. I take it off when I do art stuff and leave it on otherwise. You can sleep in it, but it feels weird to me in terms of sensory input so I take it off at night, too, but it’s up to you.

You can get it on Amazon here for the stunningly reasonable price of $12.72. It also comes in left, if that’s the hand that’s bothering you.

TOPICAL CREAM

I found this totally by accident when I was looking at wrist braces. “Customers who bought this also bought that” sort of thing. I got it because it’s reasonably priced and if it could help I’ll give it a go and I’m so desperate for any sort of relief.

It’s good stuff. It doesn’t help the second you put it on, and in fact the instructions say that you’ll get maximum benefit after 7-10 days of using it 3-4 times a day. It’s not peppermint, it doesn’t assault your nose and feel good because tingly. It actually aims to help solve the underlying problem, and as far as I can tell, it’s doing the thing!

It DOES NOT have flurbiprofen, which is the NSAID that’s highly toxic to cats. It IS SAFE for your kitties and WILL NOT kill them!! I wouldn’t, y’know, feed it to them, or use it on them, but you aren’t risking your fur babies’ lives every time you use it.

You can get a small(er) jar to try out from Amazon here for $19.95.

PENCIL GRIP

I got this pencil grip from my local indie art store and holy crap it’s good. I’m going to get like five more so I don’t have to switch it back and forth all the time, which is a little annoying, but it’s so worth it. I recently learned my grip is wrong, and this helps put my hand in the right position and also is just way more comfortable than using a plain pencil.

I got mine for like $1.89 and idk about getting it online, but if you go into any crafts store and ask for a pencil grip that helps with carpal tunnel or arthritis, they can help you.

Plus, it’s squishy, and makes a great stim toy when it’s off the pencil.

STRETCHING

I got this exercise from my PT who specializes in Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and gentle movement therapy. You tap your thumb to the tip of each finger using super exaggerated movements, meeting your fingers in the middle of your hand and stretching them out as far as possible between each tap. My PT said to do this for ten minutes every hour, and I’ve sort of installed it in my brain as Activity To Do While Hands Aren’t Busy, so I’m doing it all the time now without even noticing.

ICE/HEAT

I did a lot of research about ice vs heat, and there doesn’t seem to be a consensus. Ice helps me a lot more than heat does, though it’s possible I’m just numbing the pain area for a little bit. If these help you, go for it. If not, don’t worry.

TEXTING

This might just be how I happen to hold my hand, BUT. I used to use the Swype keyboard and I thought it was way better, but it turns out it uses the exact same muscles as writing/coloring/etc. I uninstalled it and went back to the default Apple keyboard that I use with my thumbs instead of my index finger and it is so much better. Moving my thumbs doesn’t use the hurty bits nearly as much, so I can text (almost) whenever I want. Check out how you text and see if a different keyboard might be better for you!

AND THAT’S JUST ABOUT IT FOLKS

If you have any more questions feel free to DM me. I was so scared that my life was going to end but the combination of all of these things has really drastically improved my situation. I hope these help you too!

#carpal tunnel #carpal tunnel syndrome #cts #wrist brace #topical cream #massage #stretching #pencil grip

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anything-advice-blog · 7 years

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Submission - Bones

15 HOURS TIME URGENT - I’m coming out as trans tomorrow. On my parents anniversary. I’m giving them a card and then going uptown with my friend so they can read it themselves and process it while im gone. The thing that terrifies me is my mothers reaction. See, i was raised a christian, and i still like to think i am, but the kind of Christianity i was raised and taught has rules. You cant be gay, bi or trans. Well, you can be trans but you’re supposedly not aloud to transition (which will kill me) I’ve been absolutely psyched to come out, and I have a haircut appointment a couple of days after. I showed my mother the picture of the hair i want and she absolutely freaked. Started saying how if i got that cut she’ll kick me out the house and its horrible. Eventually my dad got her to calm down, but mum started bringing up religion. I cant go to my church, not with my hair bright colours and short. She also said I would be highly disappointing god if i got my hair done like that. My dad agreed with her and also said to me later she just wants a feminine daughter to connect with (i identify as male). When I come out, I expected her to be upset, but now? She wont accept me as a proper christian, only a false one. Not only that, but she’ll cry and say how shes lost both her children (my brothers athiest) and I feel like such a selfish failure. I love the things she hates, so I’m always butting heads with her, and now I’m letting her down as a Christian and as her child. I feel like im failing god too, i was raised to believe those rules so i find it hard not to believe that im not a bad person for being trans and bi. How can I explain to her and my dad that I still want to be apart of the religion, and that i want to believe god loves all when it clearly states multiple times lgbt is a sin? I just want to be me without upsetting and disappointing everyone. #bones

Hey love,

I may not be a Christian but I do work at a church - to take care of little humans. From what I know, from what I have to teach to my children about the faith, I know that your parents don’t determine whether or not you are a Christian. Your belief is Christ shouldn’t be validated by your parents. It should be validated by Christ. I think instead of letting them telling you whether or not you are fit to be a Christian, you should believe what you believe. If you practice Christianity, if you believe in God, if you believe that Jesus is your Lord and Saviour, I am confident in saying that you are a Christian. They can deny you. They can exclude you, but believe that God accepts you. God loves you and that’s what matters.

It’s hard to say that all Christianity will accept your identification regarding to gender and sex, but I know that there are more than 5000 churches that accept the full inclusion of LGTB people. So if you cannot go to your church, it would be advisable to look into other churches in your area. I’m afraid that it’ll be hard because similar to other religiously controversial topics they all have various interpretations of the bible.

I am aware that the Bible does specifically say that homosexuality is a sin but I don’t know if there are anything specific to “gender” or “transgenderism” in the bible. I think Deuteronomy 22:5 is the most quoted verse as an argument to this movement, it says. “Women are not to wear men's clothing, and men are not to wear women's clothing; the Lord your God hates people who do such things.” However, the bible does not say that homosexuality or transgenderism is a great sin than other sins. So does that mean anyone who committed adultery, wear wools, or plant crops that God does not approve of, does it mean that they’re also not Christians? I don’t know. I’m not a Christian and I won’t speak for them, but that’s what I understand. I understand that Jesus forgives your sin.

I think you really should look into the Scriptures and understanding what is being said. I think it’s hard for remember that even though there are rules for how we live, Jesus knew that people sinned. It didn’t matter to him that they were beggars, thieves, or criminals. If they followed him, if they accepted him into their lives, they’re going to be saved. Right? I mean that’s what my kids are taught in Sunday school so I don’t know why this only applies to “some” sins. So research that and find your answers. Don’t let your parents tell you whether or not you are or whether you can or cannot be a Christian. It’s not their choice to make. It’s not their judgment to make.

I'm sorry that your family cannot be more understanding or accepting of who you are. I wish there was a way to tell them differently. I wish there was a way to make them see that you are still you. I hope that everything goes well with coming out. I hope that you are safe most importantly. I know you’ll find a lot of support from the Tumblr LGBT community as well as with us. We will accept you as you are here.

I hope this helps.

Kelly

PS. Momma Henderson - aka Tracey - is of the Christian Faith. She is currently asleep but I have notified her to add her response to this as someone within the faith. <3

Hi, Bones! It’s Tracey (Momma Henderson-as I am old, haha). I am Catholic. I don’t believe I pick and choose what part of Christianity I want to follow. I believe there is more and more and more to this faith that we will not know until we get to join Our Lord. Pope Francis said in his book “Who am I to judge,” and claimed this year to be the year of mercy. I believe he recognizes these mysteries of the faith and wants to guide people to acceptance. Jesus said if we love him, we will join him. Bam! That is all! Here’s info on how the pope views the acceptance of the LGBT community. I don’t like how he calls it living on the margins, but he has a message of acceptance.

http://time.com/4177151/pope-francis-new-book/

Now, I don’t know if your folks are Reborn Christians which might mean that they live closely to every word in the bible rather than the general messages it gives us and understanding the historical times in which it was written. Regardless, as a creation from God, you are loved by him. I always appreciate being a mom because it gives me an idea of how God loves us unconditionally. You would just like that same unconditional love from your family and you have every right to ask for it. I’m sure you’ve done this, but getting on your knees in deep prayer will be your solace. Feel the presence of Jesus at your side for he is there. Beg with humility for the Holy Spirit to guide you. Understand the sorrows that the Blessed Mother endured and the similarities to those that you will endure. But never never discredit the Lord by thinking he created you “wrong”. No one should. Possibly some of my words will assist in gaining your parents’ support, If not, I hope it gives you peace. Oh hun, (((hugs))). Peace & strength. Tracey

#kelly #bones #answered #LGBT #transgender #transgender and god #christianity #transgender and christianity #transgenderism #the bible #god #the christian faith #anonymous #submission #advice #advice blog #anything advice blog

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jesseneufeld · 4 years

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All About the Liver, and How to Support Your Favorite Detoxification Organ

The liver is incredible. Most people think of it as a filter, but filters are physical barriers that accumulate junk and have to be cleaned. The liver isn’t a filter. It’s a chemical processing plant. Rather than sit there, passively receiving, filtering out, and storing undesirable compounds, the liver encounters toxic chemicals and attempts to metabolize them into less-toxic metabolites that we can handle.

It oxidizes the toxins, preparing them for further modification

It converts the toxins to a less-toxic, water-soluble version that’s easier to excrete

It excretes the toxins through feces or urine

Bam. It’s an elegant process, provided everything is working well back there. And it’s not the only process it controls.

The liver is the primary site of cholesterol synthesis and disposal. It creates cholesterol as needed and converts excess into bile salts for removal via the bile duct. The liver also plays a huge role in the burning of fat for energy, the storage of vitamin A, the metabolism of hormones, and the regulation of blood sugar. If you enjoy burning ketones, you can thank the liver because that’s where they’re produced.

The liver supports full-body health, in other words. If it isn’t working correctly, nothing is. Everything starts to fall apart.

How do we support the liver?

It’s not one thing we do. It’s many things. It’s nutrition, supplementation, lifestyle, sleep — everything. It’s also the things we don’t do. The stakes are high, you see. Whenever there’s a grand overarching orchestrator regulating dozens of different processes in the body, you must protect it from multiple angles. A lot can go wrong. Or right, depending on how you look at it.

Since the liver is “hidden away” and you can’t really “feel” it, you may not give it too much thought. When you’re overweight, you know it. When your fitness is suffering, you consciously experience it. When your liver is overburdened or suffering, you don’t necessarily know it. That’s where doing the right things for the sake of doing them comes in handy.

So, what should you do to maintain pristine liver health?

Stay on track no matter where you are. Instantly download your Primal and Keto Guide to Eating Out

11 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Liver

Liver health depends on steps you take toward a healthy lifestyle, and equally as important, the things you refrain from doing. Here are some things you can to to contribute to lifelong liver health:

Reduce linoleic acid intake

Reduce refined carb intake

Reduce alcohol intake

Stop overeating, and lose weight

Practice time-restricted eating

Eat fatty fish and get omega-3s

Eat egg yolks and other choline sources

Take NAC

Take whey protein

Regularly deplete your liver glycogen

Get good, regular sleep

Reduce Linoleic Acid Intake

When a patient can’t eat, they get something called parenteral nutrition — a direct infusion of nutrients into the gut. The classic parenteral nutrition consists of an emulsion of olive oil and soybean oil. It’s very rich in linoleic acid and typically leads to elevated liver enzymes and fatty liver. That’s right: the medical establishment for whatever reason just accepts that people receiving parenteral nutrition have a high chance of developing fatty liver disease.

Okay, but what’s happening here? Is it really causal? Yes. The more linoleic acid you eat, the more oxidized metabolites of linoleic acid show up in your body. The more oxidized metabolites of linoleic acid you have, the higher your risk of fatty liver. These toxic metabolites of LA are actually full-fledged biomarkers of liver injury.4

The bottom line: your liver prefers smart fats like avocado oil, butter, lard, fatty fish, and olive oil over industrial seed oils.

Reduce Refined Carb Intake

The real danger of refined carbs is that they tend to be nutrient-poor. They’re basically just pure starch (or sugar). All the energy, none of the micronutrients required to metabolize that energy.

Your liver works hard to convert carbs into glucose that your body can use. When you don’t use the glucose in your blood, it gets stored in the liver and skeletal muscle as glycogen, and if you have excess after that, it gets stored as body fat. With refined carbs, it’s easy to get there.

Studies show that carb overfeeding, especially with fructose, can lead to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease,5 which affects how efficiently your liver works.

Of course, the combo of high linoleic acid and high refined carbohydrate is just about the worst thing possible.

Reduce Alcohol Intake

To detox alcohol, the liver converts it into the metabolite acetaldehyde. Acetaldehyde is far more toxic than ethanol itself, so the body then releases acetaldehyde dehydrogenase and glutathione to break down the acetaldehyde. If you stick to just a few drinks and space them out accordingly, your body’s natural antioxidant enzyme production can keep up. If you start binging, though, glutathione stores become overwhelmed and the liver must produce more. Meanwhile, acetaldehyde, which is between 10-30 times more toxic than ethanol, accrues in your body.6

Here’s where dosage matters. The more you drink in a given allotment of time, the higher the liver burden. Your liver doesn’t metabolize ethanol all at once. It’s an ongoing physical process. It takes time, and glutathione. Glutathione is also a physical material. You need more substrate, like glycine and cysteine, to produce it. Without enough glutathione (and there’s never enough if you drink too much), your liver will incur damage and develop fat.

If you’re going to drink, do so sparingly, choose healthier drinks, and practice good hangover prevention hygiene. High linoleic acid intake, for example, mixes terribly with alcohol; a much better choice is something saturated like beef fat or cocoa butter.

Stop Overeating, and Lose Weight

The number one risk factor for getting a fatty liver with impaired function is gaining excess body fat. Don’t get fat. If you are fat, lose it. Losing weight is the number one risk factor for losing a fatty liver.

Figure out what type of diet helps you eat normal amounts, and then go follow that diet. For most of my readers, it’s a low-carb Primal or keto approach. For others, it’s full-on carnivore. And yes, there are some for whom a moderate or even high carb diet works best. Whatever satiates you is the one that will improve your liver function.

Overeating fat especially can be bad, because the extra fat doesn’t need to waste any extra steps becoming available to your liver.

Practice Time-restricted Eating

In mice fed a typical soybean oil-fructose-based lab diet, the “high-fat” kind that reliably plumps up their livers, switching to a shortened eating window eliminates the metabolic fallout. They don’t get fat, they don’t get insulin resistant, and, most importantly, they don’t get fatty or dysfunctional liver.7

Eat Fatty Fish and Get Omega-3s

If you offset some of that olive oil and soybean oil with a blend of medium triglycerides and fish oil, liver enzymes may drop and overall integrity of the liver may improve.8 Amazing how that works.

Fish oil isn’t the only option. In fact, eating actual seafood is ideal because in addition to the omega-3s it also provides micronutrients and macronutrients that enhance liver function. If you’re not a fish eater, supplements can fill in the gaps.

Eat Yolks and Other Choline Sources

Choline protects against fatty liver by providing the backbone for VLDL—the particle the liver uses to transport fat out into the body. Without adequate choline, you can’t make enough VLDL for transport and the fat tends to accumulate in the liver.

Egg yolks are the best source of choline.

Take NAC

In patients with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, taking NAC every day for three months improved liver enzyme levels and overall liver function.9 Taking it with vitamin C may be even more effective.

NAC is well-known for boosting levels of glutathione, the primary antioxidant used by the liver to metabolize toxins and protect itself.

Take Whey Protein

Obese women with fatty liver who took 60 grams of whey protein per day reduced their liver fat by almost 21%.10

Whey boosts glutathione levels and provides methionine, which the body can convert to choline when deficient.

Try Vanilla Coconut Primal Fuel, made with whey protein

Regularly Deplete Your Liver Glycogen

De novo lipogenesis, or the creation of fat from carbohydrate, is a hallmark of fatty liver disease.11 When liver glycogen is full, it becomes far more likely that your liver will turn any subsequent carbohydrate it encounters into fat for storage. If you keep liver glycogen low, or regularly deplete it, you can avoid de novo lipogenesis because there’s usually a place to store the glucose.

Furthermore, keeping liver glycogen low increases fat utilization from all over the body, including the liver.12 A few of my favorite ways to deplete glycogen:

Train hard. I like HIIT, higher volume lifting, and sprints. Or my personal favorite: Ultimate Frisbee. Not all at once.

Fast. Fasting is a reliable way to burn through available liver glycogen.

Reduce carbs. Going low-carb or keto is a reliable, if slightly slower way to burn through your liver glycogen.

Get Good, Regular Sleep

Certain molecules responsible for clearing liver fat operate according to a circadian schedule.13 If you don’t get to sleep at a normal, consistent time, your rhythm is disrupted and the molecules can’t do their jobs.

If you hadn’t already noticed, these are good health practices in general. We keep running into this phenomenon, don’t we?

What’s good for the liver is good for the brain is good for the cardiovascular system is good for your performance in the gym is good for the mirror.

It makes things easier and harder.

You know what to do.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Do you have any other recommendations for liver health? Which of these do you follow?

(function($) { $("#dfX9bOV").load("https://www.marksdailyapple.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=dfads_ajax_load_ads&groups=674&limit=1&orderby=random&order=ASC&container_id=&container_html=none&container_class=&ad_html=div&ad_class=&callback_function=&return_javascript=0&_block_id=dfX9bOV" ); })( jQuery );

References

https://www.rwjf.org/en/library/research/2010/05/low-calorie-dieting-increases-cortisol.html

https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/05/business/grocery-prices-rising/index.html

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4947579/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4578804/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4405421/#:~:text=This%20study%20suggests%20that%20human,patients%20with%20obesity%20(48).

http://www.springerlink.com/content/w307w62037125v33/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550413112001891

https://journals.lww.com/ejanaesthesiology/Fulltext/2009/12000/Hepatocellular_integrity_after_parenteral.17.aspx

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22308119/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21288612/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24316260/

https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms3316

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-03/uops-mwt030311.php

The post All About the Liver, and How to Support Your Favorite Detoxification Organ appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

All About the Liver, and How to Support Your Favorite Detoxification Organ published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/

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lauramalchowblog · 4 years

Text

All About the Liver, and How to Support Your Favorite Detoxification Organ

It oxidizes the toxins, preparing them for further modification

It converts the toxins to a less-toxic, water-soluble version that’s easier to excrete

It excretes the toxins through feces or urine

Bam. It’s an elegant process, provided everything is working well back there. And it’s not the only process it controls.

The liver supports full-body health, in other words. If it isn’t working correctly, nothing is. Everything starts to fall apart.

How do we support the liver?

So, what should you do to maintain pristine liver health?

Stay on track no matter where you are. Instantly download your Primal and Keto Guide to Eating Out

11 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Liver

Liver health depends on steps you take toward a healthy lifestyle, and equally as important, the things you refrain from doing. Here are some things you can to to contribute to lifelong liver health:

Reduce linoleic acid intake

Reduce refined carb intake

Reduce alcohol intake

Stop overeating, and lose weight

Practice time-restricted eating

Eat fatty fish and get omega-3s

Eat egg yolks and other choline sources

Take NAC

Take whey protein

Regularly deplete your liver glycogen

Get good, regular sleep

Reduce Linoleic Acid Intake

The bottom line: your liver prefers smart fats like avocado oil, butter, lard, fatty fish, and olive oil over industrial seed oils.

Reduce Refined Carb Intake

The real danger of refined carbs is that they tend to be nutrient-poor. They’re basically just pure starch (or sugar). All the energy, none of the micronutrients required to metabolize that energy.

Studies show that carb overfeeding, especially with fructose, can lead to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease,2 which affects how efficiently your liver works.

Of course, the combo of high linoleic acid and high refined carbohydrate is just about the worst thing possible.

Reduce Alcohol Intake

Stop Overeating, and Lose Weight

Overeating fat especially can be bad, because the extra fat doesn’t need to waste any extra steps becoming available to your liver.

Practice Time-restricted Eating

Eat Fatty Fish and Get Omega-3s

If you offset some of that olive oil and soybean oil with a blend of medium triglycerides and fish oil, liver enzymes may drop and overall integrity of the liver may improve.5 Amazing how that works.

Eat Yolks and Other Choline Sources

Egg yolks are the best source of choline.

Take NAC

In patients with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, taking NAC every day for three months improved liver enzyme levels and overall liver function.6 Taking it with vitamin C may be even more effective.

NAC is well-known for boosting levels of glutathione, the primary antioxidant used by the liver to metabolize toxins and protect itself.

Take Whey Protein

Obese women with fatty liver who took 60 grams of whey protein per day reduced their liver fat by almost 21%.7

Whey boosts glutathione levels and provides methionine, which the body can convert to choline when deficient.

Try Vanilla Coconut Primal Fuel, made with whey protein

Regularly Deplete Your Liver Glycogen

De novo lipogenesis, or the creation of fat from carbohydrate, is a hallmark of fatty liver disease.8 When liver glycogen is full, it becomes far more likely that your liver will turn any subsequent carbohydrate it encounters into fat for storage. If you keep liver glycogen low, or regularly deplete it, you can avoid de novo lipogenesis because there’s usually a place to store the glucose.

Furthermore, keeping liver glycogen low increases fat utilization from all over the body, including the liver.9 A few of my favorite ways to deplete glycogen:

Train hard. I like HIIT, higher volume lifting, and sprints. Or my personal favorite: Ultimate Frisbee. Not all at once.

Fast. Fasting is a reliable way to burn through available liver glycogen.

Reduce carbs. Going low-carb or keto is a reliable, if slightly slower way to burn through your liver glycogen.

Get Good, Regular Sleep

Certain molecules responsible for clearing liver fat operate according to a circadian schedule.10 If you don’t get to sleep at a normal, consistent time, your rhythm is disrupted and the molecules can’t do their jobs.

If you hadn’t already noticed, these are good health practices in general. We keep running into this phenomenon, don’t we?

What’s good for the liver is good for the brain is good for the cardiovascular system is good for your performance in the gym is good for the mirror.

It makes things easier and harder.

You know what to do.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Do you have any other recommendations for liver health? Which of these do you follow?

(function($) { $("#dfA3Oem").load("https://www.marksdailyapple.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=dfads_ajax_load_ads&groups=674&limit=1&orderby=random&order=ASC&container_id=&container_html=none&container_class=&ad_html=div&ad_class=&callback_function=&return_javascript=0&_block_id=dfA3Oem" ); })( jQuery );

References

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4578804/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4405421/#:~:text=This%20study%20suggests%20that%20human,patients%20with%20obesity%20(48).

http://www.springerlink.com/content/w307w62037125v33/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550413112001891

https://journals.lww.com/ejanaesthesiology/Fulltext/2009/12000/Hepatocellular_integrity_after_parenteral.17.aspx

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22308119/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21288612/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24316260/

https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms3316

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-03/uops-mwt030311.php

The post All About the Liver, and How to Support Your Favorite Detoxification Organ appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

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maritzaerwin · 4 years

Text

The Do’s and Dont’s of Salesforce Developer Interview Tips

Let’s face it, most of us don’t enjoy going on job interviews. This “show and tell” has so many unwritten rules to follow, and it can sometimes just be hard. But interviews are super important not only for you to “make the sell”, but to also get to know the employer with whom you may spend many years.

Plus, it is becoming more and more common for companies to hold interviews in several phases, meaning that if you’ve made it to the final one where you meet the interviewees in person, this is a great sign and a chance not to blow.

We won’t focus on self-explanatory things and will only mention that when going to the actual interview, you must look tidy, wear neat and smart clothing, smile, be modest, and polite. These reminders are implied, and hopefully, you already know this. In this piece, we’ll gladly share some advice on how to prepare for an upcoming Salesforce developer interview and what to focus on in order for things to go well.

What You Should Do on Salesforce Interviews

Sure, you’ve done your research on the employer before the interview, Googled some reviews on the company that’s currently seeking Salesforce support and talent, asked around for referrals. But now you’re here, ready to meet them face-to-face. How do you make the most of the experience?

1. Be Prepared to Communicate

Even if you aren’t a chatterbox by nature, in order for the interview to go well straight away, avoid one-word and “Yes/No” answers. This is your time to showcase yourself in the best possible way and to share your Salesforce work story.

Talk about your previous work experience from the point of view of an expert. Since they’re searching for tech talent to hire, they’ve probably seen your portfolio already. If they haven’t, it’s wise to have it with you or at least have the opportunity to share some examples of your work really quickly. Describe the things you’ve worked on engagingly, and focus more on which benefits this brought to the project as a result of your work rather than go deep into setup technicalities.

An example of this could be, bringing up a case of how the Lead Survey you’ve created via Visualforce has helped the company to generate more qualified leads and know their customer preferences better.

Optionally, if the conversation flows in the direction, describe the challenging Salesforce cases you faced and how you’ve overcome them. Here you may also mention which features have been developed at your suggestion and that is now in circulation only because you took initiative. For instance, you instigated the creation of a help desk, or you had to do some learning in order to take care of a difficult integration of the company’s “product warehouse” in Salesforce with an external system or website.

It is also crucial that you bring across the impression of a person who’s quick off the mark communicator who boasts not only great technical skills and portfolio but also is someone who understands business processes in general. So, step up your game by knowing what the company does. This will show that you’ll get on board with them faster as you get the peculiarities of the business and sphere. Importantly, adding a dash of enthusiasm when talking about work to show that you truly enjoy what you’re doing wouldn’t hurt as well.

2. They’ll Ask You Technical & Salesforce-Related Questions

You’ll be expected to know Salesforce development like the back of your hand. This is exactly why there’s a big chance that you’ll be asked questions regarding Apex and Salesforce setup processes.

Some examples are:

How is Apex used for creating custom logic?

Which Apex best practices can you dwell upon?

Based on which factors do you choose when to use Workflow Rules, the Process Builder, or Apex?

What are the cases when Approval Processes are used?

Most likely, they’d want to check your platform knowledge too, so expect at least a few questions such as:

What are the types of rules in Salesforce? In which order are they processed?

How are objects connected?

What would you use SOQL for?

Is there a difference between Lightning and Visualforce (in your opinion) and which is better?

The number of questions and their difficulty will vary from case to case. But if you want some more examples, feel free to browse the larger collection of Salesforce Developer interview questions.

3. The Official Certification Question May Come Up

While you most likely will be expected to be a college graduate with a tech degree, the matter of whether you have official Salesforce certification or not may also arise. Although the importance and benefits of being certified in Salesforce are often debated, you have to be prepared for the questions that are related to having (or not having) the certification.

The thing is that your hands-on previous experience of working with the platform will in any case outweigh having several certificates. On the other hand, if you don’t have enough prior experience in Salesforce development, then the presence of your appropriate certification can be that very minimum requirement that’ll weigh the scales to your side.

There are many types of Salesforce certificates that can be obtained on a paid basis, some of the more common developer-related ones are:

Salesforce Certified Admin.

Salesforce Platform Developer I.

Salesforce Platform Developer II.

Salesforce Platform App Builder.

Salesforce Certified Sharing and Visibility Designer.

Salesforce Data Architecture and Management Designer.

Salesforce Application Architect.

Salesforce Accredited B2B Commerce Developer.

Of course, if you have both the experience and the certificates under your belt, good for you. In such a case, make sure to point out that you’ve both studied the platform well enough, passed certification, and maintain your certificates on a regular basis.

Moreover, a good tip to help you prepare for the upcoming Salesforce Developer interview is to try to pass a trial test for Salesforce certification. You’ll refresh your knowledge and re-familiarize yourself with some features you haven’t encountered in a while.

4. Be Ready to Share the Ways You Expand Your Salesforce Knowledge

Things change, this happens quickly. With the plethora of Salesforce updates and new features coming out all the time, it is vital to keep track of them and quickly learn how to use them. Even if you’re not asked directly which ways you boost your knowledge of Salesforce and how important it is to you, this is a nice thing to mention at least airily. A couple of things you can touch upon here:

studying official Salesforce documentation,

reading specialized literature (names of specific books and their authors is good to know),

browsing trusted Salesforce blogs and watching workshops (again, a couple of names would be great),

investing time in educating yourself using Trailhead or other great sources such as Focus On Force,

attending Salesforce meetups and conferences,

staying in touch with other Salesforce specialists in the Trailblazer Community.

5. Spoiler Alert: You May Be Offered a Test Assignment

If your potential employer hasn’t asked you to perform a test task prior to the interview, it is very likely that you’ll be asked to do so right on the spot. Don’t be caught unguarded or panic, such tasks are usually crafted to be not very time-consuming or difficult and generally take something around 1 hour or less. These are needed to see how well you can do apart from theory.

Some examples of a test assignment you can be asked to complete on a Salesforce developer interview are:

writing an Apex trigger to solve an ongoing problem,

setting up an Approval Process,

creating a Visualforce page, say, a simple mood survey for employees.

What Not to Do on Salesforce Interviews

Maybe you’ve heard of such interview scenarios (or even been in similar situations yourself) when everything seemed to go well, you have a feeling that the probable employers loved you, and then “BAM!”, you get turned down. What’s that about?

There are many reasons why that could have happened, including the very possible option that they’ve chosen in favor of someone with more experience, with whom they’ve “clicked” better, or whose salary expectations met their hiring budget. But what if that’s not the case?

You could have hit some “stop topics” which brought you out not in the most flattering light and made the interviewers radically change their opinion about you in an instance. The golden rules in order to not have job interview hurdles are that you must leave the past in the past and that honesty isn’t always the best policy when it comes to your intentions or plans.

1. Don’t Come Unprepared

Some of the silliest things that you can do before your Salesforce developer interview is not to know what the company does. Obviously, all of the job specifics won’t be stated in the job opening description, but do your homework, prepare a list of clarifying questions.

Don’t look incurious. Yes, you may feel shy but showing some enthusiasm even by asking questions or trying to find out more is in your best interest.

Try to remember the names. This one may seem obvious but forgetting the name of your interviewer, the recruiter, or anyone else who you’re chatting with is awkward.

2. Don’t Fall in Their Traps

Here’s what you should avoid speaking about by all means, even if the interviewers are trying to “trap” you with their questions.

Talk in a positive manner about former employers or don’t talk at all.

If you and your former employer have left things on the wrong foot, keep your personal dissatisfaction with your ex-boss to yourself. Blabbing about what an evil man Mr. Ex was won’t put a positive spin on your reputation. The only conclusion the interviewer will make is the assumption that if things go wrong in your possible work relationship, you won’t hesitate to speak ill about them too.

If you weren’t able to find common ground with your former employers, don’t bring it up.

Don’t mention things like, “I was continuously asked to do the impossible in terms of Salesforce development which resulted in mutual resentment”. Even if that’s true, refocus on how you handled tough situations and which solutions were reached to have common ground.

Your previous salary may also become another “no-no” subject.

Make life a whole lot easier on yourself, don’t make the mistake of saying something like, “My previous employer didn’t pay me well enough so now I’m browsing other options. After all, skilled Salesforce developers are always in demand, right?”

Yes, money is important, but it is better to turn this question around and ask about this company’s bonus systems or how often salaries are reviewed.

Even if you’re looking for a temporary job, don’t mention it.

Also, don’t dig yourself a hole stating that you’re looking for a job for only a couple of months since you’re planning to, say, set off on a trip around the world. These employers are most probably seeking for a long-term work relationship, especially with the Salesforce developer who’d be taking care of numerous internal processes.

Plus, you can’t argue with the fact that plans tend to change. You might like this job so much that you’ll end up postponing your plans for a year. So, by saying something like this, you automatically trigger the employer to hit the “Next” button.

Finally, don’t lie.

Often people tend to get carried away during Salesforce Developer interviews and can blurt something over the top. Remember that employers do their research on who you are too, so if something comes up, you don’t want to come out being a liar.

The post The Do’s and Dont’s of Salesforce Developer Interview Tips appeared first on CareerMetis.com.

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entergamingxp · 4 years

Text

Five of the Best: Destructible objects • Eurogamer.net

Five of the Best is a weekly series about the bits of games we overlook. I’m talking about potions, hubs, bags, mountains, anything really – but things we ignore at the time. Then, years later, we find they’re cemented in our memory, inseparable from our experience of the game. Turns out they were important after all. So now we’re celebrating them.

Five of the Best works like this. Various Eurogamer writers will share their memories in the article and then you – probably outraged we didn’t include the thing you’re thinking of – can share the thing you’re thinking of in the comments below. We’ve had some great discussions in our other Five of the Best pieces. Some of you have memories like elephants!

Today’s Five of the Best…

Destructible objects – boom! I love smashing things up. I’ve loved it ever since I kicked and punched a car to pieces in Street Fighter 2, and cracked blocks in Mario with my little plumber’s head. But by today’s standards, that’s nothing. Games today take destruction to extraordinary lengths. It’s become almost a litmus test for how technologically capable a new shooter is going to be. So let’s celebrate a smashing good time shall we? Here’s to destructible objects and here are five of the best.

The Legend of Zelda

There’s no better feeling in Zelda than charging up a spin attack and letting loose with your sword. Not on enemies, mind, but on grass.

Now, Breath of the Wild is a masterpiece but it got grass wrong. When blade touches blade, no items fall out. There are no rupees, no hearts, no secret seashells.

There was a simplicity to farming grass when low on health. Was Link eating the stems he cut down? Was a magical representation of health restored whenever he performed a bit of cultural horticulture? I liked to imagine the rupees were dropped by others – fellow adventurers with holes in their pockets who had passed this way before me.

So yes, I suppose Breath of the Wild’s increased focus on realism, and push towards crafting food, would be lost if you could simply hoover up health and coin by mowing its vast overworld. But I miss the sense there could be secrets and prizes lurking within.

-Tom Phillips

Control

God I love concrete. If I had my way I’d live in a house made of it – pure Anthropocene living. No game does it better than Control, I reckon, the Mid-Century Modern simulator with a bit of gunplay and psychic skills thrown in.

Concretes everywhere in this game, but it’s never better than when you’re smashing it up and chucking it around. If I had to choose one destructible twist on concrete to beat them all I’d choose the pillar job, in which you pull the concrete cladding off a support and lob it, the air in its wake thick and gritty.

And while it’s not exactly destructible, I have to at least mention Control’s filing cabinets. Do lob something at them and see what happens. It’s literally my favourite single thing in games from the last few years.

-Christian Donlan

Fortnite

Fortnite has always been filled with beautiful little details, and there’s nothing I like quite as much as the way your stairs give in when you decide to give them a whacking.

The wood bends! That’s the joy of it – you get to feel all the tension of this sprung thing, this limb of a tree that still has a bit of life and flex in it. And there are few things so satisfying as watching a staircase, which stretches to the sky, burst apart one from the bottom up, one flight at a time – particularly if someone’s stood on top of it.

Almost everything in Fortnite can be hacked apart and taken down, sure, but it’s this simplest of objects that gives me the most joy. Bam. Bam. Gone.

-Christian Donlan

Minecraft

Whack. One little crack. Whack whack. A bigger crack. Whack whack whack. Block destroyed. This is the essence of Minecraft. I remember the first time I played it and how long it took me to chop a tree with my hands, as I suppose it would – I haven’t actually tried it in real-life although I do have some spare time this weekend.

But again, having the right tool for the job is part of the essence of Minecraft, what drives you through. What was once agonisingly slow seems joyously easy when you use the right tools. Trees that were once stubborn start toppling reliably when you use wooden tools, although I’m not sure about the authenticity of a wooden axe I have to say. And by the time you upgrade to stone and metal, you will be merrily lumberjacking away.

But I’ll tell you what I really like: TNT – that’s the real tool for the job, shh don’t tell Minecraft conservationists. What I really like is scattering explosives everywhere in Creative mode (good luck saving up that much TNT in Survival mode), then building a TNT tower up to the clouds and lighting the fuse. I fly down with it, watching my bomb-train descend, and then let out a breathy whistle as the landscape erupts below. Simple pleasures.

-Bertie

Be still my beating heart!

Fallout 3

I’ve blown up a hell of a lot of virtual objects during my many years playing video games. The scale of my destruction is unfathomable, really, and I’ve laid waste to everything from walls and windows, to robots, vehicles and of course, those ever present red barrels.

But none of those things have ever stuck in my mind the same way that Fallout 3’s Megaton has. This destructible object isn’t just a small, forgettable piece of scenery, it’s a fully fledged settlement – a town that contains a school, a shop, a church and, most importantly, people. Not just people though: families. Families who woke up one morning and went about their business, unaware they were about to be vaporised by some idiot atop a tower who stood to make only a measly 1000 caps for doing so.

I guess that’s the main reason the destruction of Megaton has stuck with me. I didn’t really have to blow it up, did I? Sure, I could have chosen not to but the temptation to push that button and see what happened proved too much for me.

Or maybe it was because after I’d done it, I was able to revisit the location and survey the wreckage, and talk to the only survivor, a newly ghoulified Moira. There, in that crater, amongst the steaming, radioactive rubble, I was confronted by the consequences of my actions. No longer was Megaton a bustling town, nor was it a pretty mushroom cloud on the horizon. Now it was nothing more than a huge, smoking monument to the one, and only, virtual object I’ve ever felt guilty about destroying.

-Ian Higton

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/04/five-of-the-best-destructible-objects-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=five-of-the-best-destructible-objects-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

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jesseneufeld · 4 years

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All About the Liver, and How to Support Your Favorite Detoxification Organ

It oxidizes the toxins, preparing them for further modification

It converts the toxins to a less-toxic, water-soluble version that’s easier to excrete

It excretes the toxins through feces or urine

Bam. It’s an elegant process, provided everything is working well back there. And it’s not the only process it controls.

The liver supports full-body health, in other words. If it isn’t working correctly, nothing is. Everything starts to fall apart.

How do we support the liver?

So, what should you do to maintain pristine liver health?

Stay on track no matter where you are. Instantly download your Primal and Keto Guide to Eating Out

11 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Liver

Liver health depends on steps you take toward a healthy lifestyle, and equally as important, the things you refrain from doing. Here are some things you can to to contribute to lifelong liver health:

Reduce linoleic acid intake

Reduce refined carb intake

Reduce alcohol intake

Stop overeating, and lose weight

Practice time-restricted eating

Eat fatty fish and get omega-3s

Eat egg yolks and other choline sources

Take NAC

Take whey protein

Regularly deplete your liver glycogen

Get good, regular sleep

Reduce Linoleic Acid Intake

The bottom line: your liver prefers smart fats like avocado oil, butter, lard, fatty fish, and olive oil over industrial seed oils.

Reduce Refined Carb Intake

The real danger of refined carbs is that they tend to be nutrient-poor. They’re basically just pure starch (or sugar). All the energy, none of the micronutrients required to metabolize that energy.

Studies show that carb overfeeding, especially with fructose, can lead to non-alcoholic fatty liver disease,2 which affects how efficiently your liver works.

Of course, the combo of high linoleic acid and high refined carbohydrate is just about the worst thing possible.

Reduce Alcohol Intake

Stop Overeating, and Lose Weight

Overeating fat especially can be bad, because the extra fat doesn’t need to waste any extra steps becoming available to your liver.

Practice Time-restricted Eating

Eat Fatty Fish and Get Omega-3s

If you offset some of that olive oil and soybean oil with a blend of medium triglycerides and fish oil, liver enzymes may drop and overall integrity of the liver may improve.5 Amazing how that works.

Eat Yolks and Other Choline Sources

Egg yolks are the best source of choline.

Take NAC

NAC is well-known for boosting levels of glutathione, the primary antioxidant used by the liver to metabolize toxins and protect itself.

Take Whey Protein

Obese women with fatty liver who took 60 grams of whey protein per day reduced their liver fat by almost 21%.7

Whey boosts glutathione levels and provides methionine, which the body can convert to choline when deficient.

Try Vanilla Coconut Primal Fuel, made with whey protein

Regularly Deplete Your Liver Glycogen

Furthermore, keeping liver glycogen low increases fat utilization from all over the body, including the liver.9 A few of my favorite ways to deplete glycogen:

Train hard. I like HIIT, higher volume lifting, and sprints. Or my personal favorite: Ultimate Frisbee. Not all at once.

Fast. Fasting is a reliable way to burn through available liver glycogen.

Reduce carbs. Going low-carb or keto is a reliable, if slightly slower way to burn through your liver glycogen.

Get Good, Regular Sleep

If you hadn’t already noticed, these are good health practices in general. We keep running into this phenomenon, don’t we?

What’s good for the liver is good for the brain is good for the cardiovascular system is good for your performance in the gym is good for the mirror.

It makes things easier and harder.

You know what to do.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Do you have any other recommendations for liver health? Which of these do you follow?

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References

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4578804/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4405421/#:~:text=This%20study%20suggests%20that%20human,patients%20with%20obesity%20(48).

http://www.springerlink.com/content/w307w62037125v33/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550413112001891

https://journals.lww.com/ejanaesthesiology/Fulltext/2009/12000/Hepatocellular_integrity_after_parenteral.17.aspx

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22308119/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21288612/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24316260/

https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms3316

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-03/uops-mwt030311.php

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