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brelione · 4 years

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Trying To Help (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Mentions of death, not super sad kind of just conflicting I think (figured id give you guys an emotional break), mentions of blood.Not proof read because im a lazy bitch.

“Hey pretty boy.”You whispered, trying not to cry.Topper frowned, not understanding where he was or why everything felt so weird. “Im sorry I drove off a bridge.”He replied, his voice sounding funny as if he had been talking with food in his mouth.

“Dont be bubs, you didnt mean to….”You replied, hoping your voice wasnt hurting his head.His eyes closed again, too lazy to keep them open. “Rafe should be here soon.”You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously.

His nose scrunched up, a look of disapproval on his face. “Why does everything always gotta be about Rafe?”He asked, his eyes opening wide when he realised there was a cast on his arm.He moved the fingers on his right hand, making sure that one wasnt broken too.Needles and IVs had been stabbed into his arm and hand, an air tube across his face and at his nostrils.

He noticed your hand on the bed, reaching for it with his good hand.You let him hold it, glad he wasnt mad at you.The room was quiet and dark but not so much that it was awkward, the two of you just trying to keep eachother calm. “Hey,guys.”The door opened to reveal Rafe.

He was wearing a backwards hat, a light blue polo shirt and black pants.He looked just as much of a mess as you, a guilty expression on his face.His eyes flicked over to you and Toppers hands as he sat in the chair next to you.

“Is that Rafe?”Topper asked, too tired to open his eyes again. “Yeah, dude.You really fucked up this time.”Rafe smiled but his face quickly fell into a frown when you didnt do the same.You began to drag your fingertips along Toppers arm, feeling a bit better when he grinned at the feeling.

“So how was the movie?”He asked, feeling his eyes water up. “Um...yeah, we didnt end up finishing it.Guess it wasnt the same without you there.”You muttered, your fingers trailing back down to his palm.

He hummed, taking in a deep breath when he realised you could hear his heartbeat increasing from the monitor. “I knew you wouldnt finish it.Between you and Kelce screaming and….and Rafe being an impatient slut.”Topper smiled, opening his eyes ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of Rafe’s reaction.

“Hmm...you’re lucky your arms already broken, pussy.”Rafe smiled, becoming less tense when you rolled your eyes. “DOnt be fucking rude.”You whispered with a small smile. “You know what...its the quoting the Kardashians daily for me.”Topper bit his lip as he waited for you to respond. “Its...the breaking my flower pot for me.”You replied, tapping your fingers against his palm.You grinned,recalling the memory.

You and Kelce had spent the morning together after a sleepover.You had scrolled through your pinterest feed as usual, coming across a ton of diy plant pots and decided to just go for it.You told Kelce about your idea as you two sat down for breakfast, both of you half asleep as you drank coffee. “Yeah, okay.”he agreed, putting on his shoes once he had finished his eggs.

“So how many pots should we get?”He asked as you buckled your seatbelt.You shrugged, not really having a proper answer as he began to drive to Walmart, cursing when he couldnt find a parking spot.Once he did he waited for you to go back to your pinterest boards and figure out exactly what type of paint you would need for the project.

It was far too early for the store to be busy, holding on to Kelce’s back as he grabbed a cart. “What isle?”He asked, stopping to grab a bag of cheetos. “Uhhh….I dont know.Hold on.”You pulled out your phone, holding onto him with one arm and resting the phone on top of his head.

“Thirteen.”You replied, squealing and holding on for dear life as he began running through the store, coming to a halt when he reached the isle.You hopped off of his back, grabbing some small pots and some medium pots and putting them into the cart carefully.

“Can I paint spongebob on mine?”He asked, his eyes glancing through the paint colors on the hunt for a bright yellow. “I dont care, paint whatever you want.”You replied, grabbing the primary colors and tossing them into the cart.Kelce being Kelce had freaked when he saw the variety of stickers, buying at least thirty dollars worth of puppy stickers, marvel stickers, car stickers and shiny spikes.

“No weeds are gonna mess with this plant when im done with it.”He said proudly as he grabbed every single strip of spike stickers.You had rolled your eyes, picking out some pearl like stickers and tossing them in the cart.Kelce smiled, getting an idea.

He moved all of the items to the opposite side of the cart to leave an empty space, picking you up quickly and putting you inside. “Kelce-seriously?”You sighed, holding on to the side as he pushed the cart quickly, swerving it against the tile on his way to the plant isle.

“Yep, its easier this way.”He replied, stopping the cart once you guys got to the other side of the store. “Ooh….can we grow sunflowers?”He asked, tossing the bag of seeds into the cart before you could answer. “Get lavender too.”You replied, taking out your phone to play subway surfers.

Kelce huffed, arms wrapping around your shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of your head as he watched you play. “Whats your high score?”He asked, playing with the baby hairs that had fallen out of your braids.

“I dunno, higher than yours.”You grinned, hearing him gasp. “Fucking rude.”He muttered, flicking your temple. “Fuck you.”You replied, avoiding a train. “Fuck you!”He exclaimed driving the cart to check out.He grabbed a few packs of gum as well, scanning the items at the self checkout.

You two then spent the whole afternoon painting pots and covering them in an obnoxious amount of stickers.The small one that Kelce had done all by himself was covered with spike stickers that kept falling off. “It wont stay stuck!”He exclaimed, becoming frustrated.

“Kelce, babe, its cause you’ve got paint on the sticky part.”You sighed, grabbing a paper towel and putting it under the water to wipe off the yellow paint from the pot.He was a pouting mess for the rest of the afternoon but was happy with the outcome of the pot, taking a photo of it to post on his snapchat story. “How did you do that?”He asked, pointing to the pastel rainbow pot you had painted.You shrugged, just going off of what you saw in the video.You two had decided to just go sit on the couch and watch some cartoons while you waited for Rafe and Topper, leaving the pots to dry on the table.

Once Topper had gotten there he had given you a quick greeting and went into the kitchen to get something to drink, accidentally elbowing one of the pots in the process and sending it to the floor, the clay colliding with your tile floor. “TOPPER!WHAT THE FUCK?!”You exclaimed, rushing into the kitchen.

“Its the stealing my hoodies from me and then pretending you didnt for me.”He replied.Your heart dropped as you realized you were wearing his hoodie right now, beginning to freak out when you realised you werent even wearing pants.

“Shut up.”You replied, squeezing his hand lightly.Kelce came through the door a few seconds later, sighing loudly. “These people are ridiculous-I had to convince them that I was Top’s adopted brother.Did you have to do that?”He asked Rafe, going to stand at the end of the bed.

“Nope.”Rafe replied.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, staring at Topper. “Concussion?”He asked, noticing the bandage that was peaking out from Topper’s forehead.You nodded, looking between the two boys. “How you feeling?”Kelce asked.Topper grinned, peaking one eye open.

“Like shit.”Topper replied, a small smile on his face. “How long am I gonna be stuck here?”Topper asked, finally acknowledging the fact that he was in a hospital.Rafe shook his head, looking over to Kelce as if he knew anything about the situation that you and Rafe didnt.

Kelce shrugged, not knowing either. “I mean, with that kind of injury one could only assume a good two weeks or so.You wont be able to drive- (Y/N)- how did you get here?”Kelce asked, realising.You had texted them from the hospital which meant that Rafe hadnt driven you.

You went quiet, feeling their eyes on you. “Uhhh….I drove.”You replied, hoping they wouldnt push further.Topper opened both of his eyes this time, wanting to make sure he had understood properly. “What?”Topper asked, cringing at the lisp he now had.

He shouldve known his voice would sound different.He had literally bit off part of his tongue. “I drove.”You repeated, feeling a bit insecure.Rafe just looked confused, Kelce was shocked and Topper just couldnt believe it.

“How’d it go?”Topper asked, wanting to sit up when he realised that he couldnt really move that much.You shrugged, trying to figure out why the attention was on you when Topper had literally almost died.

“I dont really know, kinda just did it.I dont really remember it either.”You replied, feeling Rafe’s hand drift onto your knee, tapping your knee cap.He had been doing it for years.He was awkward most of the time and didnt know what to do if his hand was empty, usually going to hold yours or just touch you in some way to feel more grounded.

“Why dont you remember it?”Topper asked, unable to grasp the whole situation.Thank god he didnt know that the nurse had told you about his ‘last words’.He wouldve had a heart attack on spot. “I was in shock, dum dum.I was just-just trying to make breakfast and then the fucking hospital calls me and tells me that you drove into a river.”You laughed, a few tears rolling down your face.

Toppers heart beat quickened,squeezing your hand tight. “I said I was sorry...did you at least drink water this morning?”He asked, wishing he could hug you.You laughed, wiping your face. “No, no I didnt cause I thought you were gonna die!”You replied, sniffling.

“For the love of life, Topper.Keep up.”You let out a shaky breath. “Im trying my best, sunshine.”He answered, not paying attention to Rafe or Kelce.It felt like you were the only one who was actually in the room with him.

“I mean, I guess its just karma.Have any of us ever left during a movie night?All im saying is I think its like a curse or something.”Topper answered, trying his best to get you to stop crying.Kelce couldnt even think of something to say, the situation was overpowering him.

You just sighed,leaning your forehead against the mattress, staring down at the floor. “Why’d you leave?”You asked, still not understanding the full situation that lead to Topper leaving your house.Rafe shifted in his seat, squeezing your knee, almost trying to tell you not to bring it up again.

“Just...wanted to go home.”He mumbled, knowing better than to bring up the argument that he no longer cared about.He couldve laughed at it.As jealous as he was as Rafe even he could admit that the son of a bitch cared about you more than anyone and to accuse him of not caring about you was the stupidest thing he had ever said.And that was saying a lot.

SOmetimes he was close to positive that Rafe didnt care about him or Kelce but there was never a single doubt in his mind that Rafe didnt love you.Now he kind of wish that he had died since it would leave you with Rafe and Kelce.

They were both better friends than he could ever be no matter how hard he tried.It wouldve been better for the whole friend group if he had stayed dead. “You have a concussion, bubs.Nothing you say is relevant for the next two weeks.”You joked, feeling the tears roll down your face and onto your collarbones, not even bothering to wipe them away anymore.

“You have a single brain cell, (Y/N).Nothing you say is relevant.”He replied, laughing a bit.It didnt do much but hurt his head and make his tongue sting. “See?That’s not relevant.”You replied, lifting your head up from the mattress and kissing the back of his hand lightly.

Rafe smiled slightly, glad to see that you were a bit better and that Topper hadnt yelled at him to get out. “You know what?I just think I should say something really important.”Topper announced, thinking that he sounded louder than he actually did.Rafe squeezed your knee tightly, worried that Topper would tell you what he knew and that Kelce would freak out about it.

“I dont think im allowed to watch tv with a concussion-fuck.”Topper grumbled, hearing Rafe let out a sigh of relief.He noticed Kelce still standing, getting up and asking you quietly if you two could share your seat.

You huffed, standing up and allowing him to sit in your chair, sitting on his lap, feeling self conscious when Toppers hoodie lifted to reveal half your thigh. “I mean, you could always do other things to pass the time.”Kelce replied, sitting down in the chair.

“Hmm...like what?”Topper asked.Thank god Kelce was an optimist, the rest of you would be absolutely fucked without him. “Like….coloring, reading or….I dont know, thinking.”Kelce suggested, going quiet soon after. “Read what?”Topper asked.

He had never liked reading.Back when you guys were still in school he would refuse to read anything, tossing his homework down as you and Kelce tried to do yours.You usually had to harass Rafe for hours to do his work when all he could focus on was you.He would purposely annoy you just so you’d talk more and get all mad.

Between him and Topper you never got your work done, having to read to Topper so he would get some of his work done. “I could read you the Harry Potter books, ive got them downloaded to my phone.”You replied, a small grin on your face.

Toppers face became red, wanting to protest but deciding that he’d rather have you read to him than continue with the upsetting conversations. “Yeah, okay.”He answered, closing his eyes as you began to read.Kelce was smiling as you read, making comments every once in a while.

“Wow, what a bitch.”He muttered about Vernon.Rafe squeezed your waist, resting his head against your back.It was some time in the afternoon when the nurse came in to check Toppers IV and give him some more medication. “Theres food available in the cafeteria, a warm soup or something soft would be best for your friend here.”She gestured towards Topper before leaving.

She had given you all a weird look, trying to figure out why a patient’s girlfriend was sitting on the lap of his assumed brother.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, hearing his stomach rumbling. “Alright, well im going to the cafeteria. (Y/N), can you come with me please?”He asked.

You sighed, shaking your head. “Im not wearing pants.”You answered. “Can you stand up for a minute?”Rafe asked.You huffed, getting off of his lap, eyes widening when he pulled off his shorts and handed them right over to you.

Kelce wasnt even surprised, just hungry.You awkwardly pulled up the shorts, tying them tight around your waist and following Kelce into the elevator.Everything was going smoothly until it came to a stop. “What the hell?”Kelce asked, hitting a ton of buttons at once. “Kelce!Stop that!”You smacked his wrist, screaming when the elevator moved slightly, coming to a stop again.

“What should I do?Im pressing the red button!”He exclaimed as he pressed it again. “I dont know!Press it again!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm. “Oh my fuck-shit dammit!Now we’re gonna die!”You exclaimed.

“We’re already in a hospital, we’ll be fine.”He answered, pressing the button again. “Kelce!It’s gonna fall!”You exclaimed, holding onto him so tight you were starting to shake. “No its not, its fine.Just wait for someone to come fix it.”He spoke, pulling you onto the floor so you were sitting against him. “It’ll be fine, just wait.”He repeated.

“Im sorry, man.”Topper sighed, looking over to Rafe.THe brunette simply shrugged, not really bothered by it anymore. “Apology accepted.”Rafe replied.Topper let out a sigh of relief, glad that the tension wasnt as strong.

“But like, can you be honest real quick?”Topper asked, waiting for Rafe to answer. “Yeah, yeah okay.”Rafe replied, dreading what Topper would ask. “Did you guys do anything?”He asked.Rafe frowned, not knowing what to say.

He didnt want to tell Topper something that you werent okay with him knowing but at the same time didnt want to lie. “Yeah, yeah we did.”Rafe replied, holding his breath.Topper simply hummed, letting out a breath through his nose.

“Were you careful?You know she doesnt….hasnt done those types of things.You didnt hurt her though, right?”Topper asked.Rafe was a bit confused, thinking that Topper would get all jealous and grumpy. “Yeah, yeah I was….she was fine, like she said she was fine and I told her she could….ya know, stop me.She didnt though, I was careful.”Rafe’s cheeks were red, trying not to go into too much depth.

Topper nodded a bit, sighing. “Thats good...so like, are you guys dating now or whatever?”Topper asked, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach.Rafe gulped, not really knowing the answer himself. “I dont know….its all complicated I guess.”He replied, feeling guilty now that he was actually talking about it.

“Okay...hey, do you think she knows?”Topper asked, hoping you wouldnt walk in at the wrong time.Rafe laughed at the comment. “Damn, man.I dont even know.Like, she obviously knows I do.Ive made it pretty obvious but like...you’ve made it pretty obvious too at this point I think.I feel like she doesnt think anyone would like her like that no matter how obvious we make it.I dont know, I feel like right now wouldnt be a good time to talk to her about this though, lets just not say anything to her.”Rafe muttered, realising he had promised you that he wouldnt tell anyone what you two had done last night

. “Hmm...you know whats fucked?”Topper asked, blinking slowly.Rafe hummed, waiting for him to continue. “I lost my two year streak with her.And you.”The blonde smiled, wiggling his toes carefully.Rafe laughed, pinching his nostrils. “Yeah, thats fucked.”He agreed.

“Nobody’s coming.”You huffed, holding on to Kelce’s hand as you leaned against the elevator wall. “You dont know that.”He replied, not sounding genuine at all. “I dont know….do you wanna talk about something?”You asked, thinking of ways to pass time while you guys were trapped.

He sighed, nodding. “What do you wanna talk about?”He asked, flicking at your fingertips. “I dont know...how are your cousins?”You asked, realising that that’s where he had come from.He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Alec would not stop complaining about sushi, I guess her favorite restaurant closed and now shes all pissy about it.Shes really fucking tall now.”He sighed, kind of glad that he was able to leave the house.You nodded, trying to think of something else to say.

Alec was his 17 year old cousin, she was nice sometimes but she could also be a lot to handle from what you had heard.She was pretty cool though, always commenting on your instagram posts and hyping you up.It kind of gave Rafe a little competition since she always commented before him.

“What about Jax?Is he still an ass?”You asked.You had met Jax a total of two times, both times he had called you hot and stared at you.He was 17 so it was kind of weird of him but you hadnt had to deal with him in a good six months.

Kelce shrugged, not having much to say. “Yeah, I dont think hes ever gonna change.He tried to download porn to my phone.”Kelce replied, biting the inside of his cheek. “Hey, is it true that Rafe kissed you?I mean, he told me but I figured he probably just dreamt it.”fuck.

Now everything was coming unraveled and you’d have to figure out how you wouldnt hurt anyone. “Uh...yeah, he did.”You answered, biting your bottom lip.He was silent.That was scary if something was so shocking that Kelce had nothing to say.

“Alright...so how do you feel about it?”He asked, keeping his voice calm and steady.He was tired of not knowing what was going on, not understanding the new tension between you and Rafe.There had always been something there but recently it seemed to get a lot more serious.

But then again he had noticed the way you held Topper, how you’d sigh whenever the blonde kissed your forehead or when he’d hug you.He didnt really want to say anything, figuring that when you wanted to date one of them you would.

Now he sounded exactly like Topper, you were pretty sure those were the exact words that he had said to you. “Um….yeah, I dont really know.I guess that like im not mad about it but I just...I dont know how to feel.”You answered, knowing that it sounded stupid.

Kelce nodded, understanding. “So do you like Rafe?LIke, you know.”He asked, pulling at the sleeve of the hoodie out of boredom.You shrugged, not knowing the answer. “(Y/N), come on now.I see the way you look at him...its a little bit of something.”He pushed.

You knew he was right but you’d rather die than admit it. “I dont know, Kelce.Its just weird, I guess.Like we’ve been friends for like...eight years and now all this shit is happening.”You answered.

He nodded, trying to think of the best advice to give you. “Alright, well life is too short for shit.If you like Rafe then I think you should go for it.All that matters is that you’re happy and if he makes you happy then you should be with him.”Kelce squeezed your hand, waiting for you to speak.

Of course Kelce would say that.That was the most Kelce thing you had ever heard him say. “Yeah, but I dont think I want to be with him.”You muttered, not knowing how to explain what you were feeling.Kelce was confused, trying his best not to show it.

“Okay….but why?Do you like someone else at the same time?”He asked, trying to piece everything together.The elevator began to move again, scaring you both. “Shit.”You sighed, holding on to his arm as he helped you up.

“We’ll talk about this later.”It sounded like more of a question.He had never been great at being assertive.A few staff members apologized, explaining that a patient had went roaming around and they had to stop the elevators to prevent them from leaving the hospital.

Kelce held onto your hand tight as you made your way to the cafeteria.None of the food looked particularly appetizing, eventually deciding on a small container of mac and cheese for yourself, a turkey sandwich for Rafe and finding a sealed bowl of potato soup for Topper.

Kelce had grabbed a few sodas and a gatorade for Topper, reuniting with you as you both went to the line, paying for the food.You two had decided on just taking the elevator again, figuring it would be difficult to walk up the stairs with so much to carry.

Luckily it didnt come to a stop this time, the two of you completing the trip successfully and walking back into the hospital room.Rafe and Topper were laughing about something, Rafe sitting in his boxers.It was quite funny.You all ate in a pretty much silence, having to help Topper elevate the upper half of his bed so he could eat properly.

“I hate hospital food.”Rafe sighed, biting into his sandwich while keeping you balanced on his left thigh.He tried to ignore all of the thoughts he was getting, figuring that the lack of caffeine in his system was making him horny.

That first night in the hospital had been the hardest.You were the only one who was allowed to stay while Kelce and Rafe had to go home.You had given Rafe his sweatpants back.

He decided that he needed to talk to you, taking your hand and getting far away from the room where the trauma patients were seperated from the elderly. “How are you?”He asked.You kind of wanted to punch him.What the hell kind of question was that?

“I just...im fine.”You forced yourself to grin, not wanting to be rude.He licked his lips, looking around. “Thats...not what I meant.”His face flushed a bit, his ears pink. “oh-oh....um, yeah im fine.”You repeated.He hummed, hands ending up in the pockets of your hoodie.

“Thats good....im sorry that I went so fast, I know you wanted me to be gentle.”He apologized, kissing your forehead. “Its fine, Rafe.”You answered, hugging him.He huffed, accepting the hug.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I can stop by your house and grab you some clothes.”He offered, staring down at you.You nodded, accepting the offer.He leaned down, kissing you gently, feeling himself get weak.

You pulled away after a moment, kissing the tip of his nose before standing on your tiptoes to kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”You grinned, kissing him gently. “Alright, text me the clothes that you want...do you want one of my shirts?”he asked, smiling when you nodded. “Alright....okay, tomorrow.”He repeated, finally letting go of you.

You ended up staying up for a majority of the night, holding Topper’s hand as you read to him, switching from Harry Potter to short stories.He had moved over in his bed ever so slightly, groaning in pain, staring at the small empty space he had made.

You took the message, hesitantly laying next to him, becoming stiff when he wrapped his good arm around you and let you rest your head on his shoulder. “You’re cold.”He mumbled, holding you tighter.

The nurse came in to wake him up every hour and a half since sleep was bad for concussions.You barely got any sleep, more focused on listening to make sure his heartbeat was steady.

Rafe and Kelce came at seven in the morning with coffee and donuts, a container of chocolate flavored yogurt for Topper.Rafe had stuffed one of your backpacks full of clothes, grabbing whatever he thought would bring you comfort.

He had grabbed you a new shirt from his closet, a mint blue and purple striped polo that was pretty long on him which meant it would fit you like a baggy dress, spraying it with his cologne.

He grabbed your facewash for you, a hairbrush, some hair ties, some socks, soft pants and some loose fitting shirts.He felt a little guilty for looking through your bras and underwear but he knew he couldnt just not bring you some, grabbing a few random ones and stuffing them in the bag.

He grabbed your polaroid camera and a few of your photos, thinking that you might show them to Topper.You were glad to be able to change into some pants, thanking him quietly and slipping in the bathroom to change, sighing when you noticed how wattery and irritated your eyes looked, changing into the shirt that you had seen Rafe wear a couple of times, sniffing it and feeling a calm sensation run through your body.

You sat at the foot of the bed, pulling your knees to your chest as you drank your coffee, taking long, slow blinks.That had been your first day without sleep.It wasnt until the third day that Kelce and Rafe were becoming really concerned.

It had began to rain outside, Kelce and Rafe were trying to convince you to leave and go home. “No.”You answered, sitting in one of the chairs.Topper was asleep.“No-no, you.We’re going home- dont give me that look.You can come back tomorrow but tonight you’re going to sleep in your bed, okay?”Kelce asked, not really giving you any options, picking up your bag.

“No.”You repeated, wanting to scream when he grabbed your arm, bringing you outside the room. “(Y/N), you havent slept in days.Just come home.”Rafe tried to convince you, going on to explain that you could ride with him or Kelce and then tomorrow the three of you would go into Rafe’s truck and Kelce could drive your car back to your house so you didnt have to worry about it.

You agreed eventually, going back into the room to say bye to Topper, kissing his cheek. “Hey, dont worry about me.Got it?If I find out you were worrying about me im gonna break all your flower pots.”He threatened, a small grin on his face.

You had decided to drive with Kelce, holding his hand as he drove on the wet roads.He was careful to drive slowly so he wouldnt freak you out, informing you that Rafe was going to go stop at a Papa Ginos to grab you guys dinner.

Your house felt foreign to you, the couch not comfy anymore.Kelce frowned, noticing your discomfort. The anxiety felt like it was eating away at your brain.Kelce tried to think of a way to help, the thoughts not coming so easy to him anymore.

The stress was building up inside of him, the stress from dealing with everyone elses problems combining with his own. “Come on.”He grabbed your hand, bringing you upstairs.

Your legs were tired from being held to your chest or bent at uncomfortable angles so you could lay in the hospital bed.He opened the door to your bedroom. “Lay down.”He told you, hoping his voice hadnt come across as creepy.

You raised your eyebrows, not understanding why he was telling you to do this but going along with it anyways.He got onto the bed next to you, wrapping an arm around your toso, one of his legs resting across your thighs with his head directly under your chin.

“What are you doing?”You asked.You couldnt deny it, it was quite a comfortable position. “Im trying to help.I saw this thing on Tik Tok the other day that if you lay on someone its like a weighted blanket and helps with stress.”He explained, pulling your comforter up over your bodies.

It only took you a matter of seconds to fall asleep, Kelce grinning.The feeling of cuddling someone helped him too, a small sigh escaping his lips as he closed his eyes as well, falling asleep before Rafe pulled into your driveway with a pizza in the backseat.

@sweetlittlegingy @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway @one-stella @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602 @sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @wldflwrskyee @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @teenagekook @multifandombabies @i-love-scott-mccall

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runnerfiveready · 4 years

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Okay so uh...

let's do this.

I know I've kinda posted quite a bit already, but I really want to do a formal introduction to myself and my Five here, and what imma be up to. I kinda joined to post about my feelings about this good stuff, my fan art, memes, fangirling, all that good stuff. I finished 5k training and I'm just about to start Season 2 so I'm pretty new, but this fandom is literally my everything and ugh I love it so much already. Everyone is so welcoming in this fandom and I have literally seen no hate in here at all, which makes this space feel even more safe and secure. I made this account to join in with y'all in sharing and "bonding" ( I guess??) over memes, fan art, fanfics, quotes, favourite episodes and so much other good stuff. I really love looking through everyone's different posts, and seeing how cool and unique everyone's Five is! I hope y'all come with me while I make my way through this good shit,, and even if not, I'm gonna post on here anyway and continue to follow everyone else's stuff, cause its all amazing! Anyway,, enough ranting from me!

Here's a description of my Five! (shamelessly self inserting here, but also like a few changed aspects)

On the physical side of things, she's a 5"3, messy haired gal with freckles all over her nose. She's got scars and bruises from MULTIPLE occasions, some from mission runs, others from accidents she'd rather not admit to. Five's small (ish) but strong, with pretty decent sized muscles >:)

She's a clumsy, chaotic dumbass who has has a tendency to make jokes at the wrong moments (dark jokes are her specialty). She's very messy, always loses stuff and forgets things, and is constantly getting bugged by Janine to clean up her dorm area whilst Sam gets the blame for "being a bad influence" on her. She can be fierce but is extremely loyal, and would literally d i e for her friends.

She's sweet on Sam, but would never admit it, despite everyone's growing frustrations as they can all DEFINTLEY. TELL.

Loves the rain, storms, all of it. Often at night time she'll run around Abel, eventually climbing onto the roof of the biggest building and just tipping her head to the sky. She'll sit there for hours on her own. It helps her deal with stuff, and she likes the feeling of being so high.

Five is really helpful and is always known around Abel to be around if anyone needs anything, whether it's help with a chore, a problem, advice, anything! Overtime, it does tend to affect her longterm, although she doesn't like admitting it. Five never puts her mental health first and is constantly having to be reminded to take care of herself, despite her trying her hardest to push it aside to make sure she can help others first. She can get pretty sarcastic, but is a lot of fun and is always up for anything! She usually copes with her trauma or problems using humour, despite the growing concern about it from her friends.

-WILL COMMIT CRIME WHENEVER NECESSARY-

Before the apocalypse, Five had a thing where she never really let people touch her, even just hugging. She didn't know why she did it, but it made her feel really wrong, which caused a lot of issues and isolation from everyone else, especially with family. But after moving to Abel and getting close and comfy with her new family, she finally found that she was really okay being around people again. Play fighting, piggybacks, general touching, hugging, you name it! For the most part, she was good with it again. In fact, the more compressing the hug, the better. (This only goes for her closer friends. She's still not completely used to physical contact, and will often cringe away from people if they try anything) Five doesn't like to admit it, but she sleeps with a "cuddle companion" every night, which she will literally squeeze very tightly to simulate safety in her own bubble 😅 (wow I'm really outing myself rn huh)

THIS BABY CAN FIT SO. MUCH. TRAUMA.

So yeah! Jokes aside, that's my Five so far. As soon as I post this, I'm probably going to realise I forgot something and I'll quickly edit it in later...

But uh, I really appreciate this fandom, and I'm super excited to see where this goes. I'm loving how no one makes fun of anyone for self inserting, their ships or opinions on the app and the missions, because I've always felt so weird about doing it in things I love, but this game is literally MADE around the player, which gives for really good and unique content (sorry I'm mentioning this a lot) I live for everyone's different art styles, memes, and just general support of each other. I really look forward to posting more on here and sharing my things, even though it's probably old news to a lot of you!

As I said before, I'm just starting out season 2, so I know I have a lot more to go to catch up to a lot of y'all, but from some spoilers I couldn't help but read I'm very pumped to keep going!

Before I end this massive introduction (whoops), I'd like to give a quick mention to some of the accounts that I've really enjoyed looking through and have inspired me with their art over here whilst I've first started, even thought they don't know me :) @abeltownshipslittlebitch @kaoticfive @runfive @incorrectzombiesrun @midwestern-runner-five @hippyexd @sams-fourth-runner-five @iamrunner5 @nokkiart

I hope people find this account and read through and think "huh, I'm in the same boat as this slightly concerning gal, and yet somehow this makes me feel a little less weird about being so attached to this fandom" (shush I know it's specific,, may or may not be from experience) or even "huh. FUNNY MEME"

Tehe.

So yeah! I hope to see some of you in the future!

Stay safe out there ;)

#zombies run #runner 5 #Five #sam yao #abel township #introduction #Hello yes hi there I'm new #fandom #zr fandom #Zombies run fandom #Account intro

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taeguboi · 4 years

Text

BTS as... Rockers

Ngl, I panicked a little when I checked on the masterlist because an older post about BTS as rock band members was labelled as this title and I’d already written this one for like 3 members already. There’s various genres I mention, some of which are also metal and pop but I thought a simple general title would be best here.

Anyways, my second post coming back recently. Hope you enjoy.

Mainly a classics man

Loves to analyse lyrics

and loves writing his own lyrics based on his current favourites

It’s like a form of literature to him

Loves to chill out to prog and psychedelic rock

Accidentally had the same music tastes as that weird geography teacher in school

Probably has a pet named after a member of a power / symphonic metal band

sorry I’m a bit of a Nightwish nerd and now I can just imagine him calling for his dog “Floor!” and everyone getting confused because they think he’s just shouting at the ground

this is the kind of genre he likes the most other than classic rock; that’s where the most literature references are. It’s poetry about poetry

Has a journal of art and lyrics quotes for when he’s super into a song

Could be mistaken for a geek in school

because to a juvenile ear, his taste in music might be challenging to listen to

like no one else had the patience aged 12 to listen to a 9 minute song or an instrumental track

and then even at 15/16, how many people your age would listen to Dark Side Of The Moon?

Guess he would say music is all about sitting back and listening and taking it in

Would love to be a songwriter for the right kind of singer

unfortunately though, he’s a bit of a loner

likes his own company too much

it’s probably the solitude that motivates him to write

too many more friends than he already has would be too much of a distraction

It’s not a sad situation though

music is what Namjoon loves the most

and “nothing else matters”

Oh yes, let’s have a bit of Metallica in there too

It’s not until he finishes school that he becomes more in touch with what people in the current world of rock and metal like

discovered “Rollin’” by Limp Bizkit like WAY too many years after it came out

“Have you heard this ace song man?”

“yep... in 2004 dude”

“oh”

But he’s no ashamed or anything, no

He’s proud to be a fan of the bands he likes

even if they aren’t to everyone’s tastes

“Well, sorry if this isn’t some 3 minute long four chord song repeating the same 5 words”

If they don’t appreciate it, their loss

Jin

The old ones are the best ones

Think 50s rock n’ roll; Little Richard, Elvis, and so on

mixed with guilty pleasures of songs about ‘my baby girl’

Loves themed music nights

Whilst of course his favourites are the 50s themed ones

he also loves showing up to 60s nights to flaunt the flower power

or 80s nights in a fun wig as some member of a hair metal band

all the styles are very fun

but on a daily basis, he’s basically dresses like a teddy boy

tight trousers with white socks peaking out

jacket - sometimes a suit jacket, sometimes denim

as you can imagine, when a lot of this stuff comes back in fashion...

“Well, I did it first...”

you know, in this era he means he did it first

Loves a good finger clicker song

Once considered doing a tribute act around pubs and clubs

but he couldn’t decide who he wanted to be

Probably should take a role in some live production of Grease

he’s seen it enough times

and he can sing

He reckons he could never do theatre for long though

his fantasies are with playing instruments to perform

talented keyboard player

starting to get the hang of guitar too

but he does get carried away whilst trying to learn guitar

because he wants to add on all the cool moves NOW

He’s got some bangers he created on the keyboard though

he didn’t really intend to create original songs

it just happened one day after a break up

and he listened to Heartbreak Hotel

too many times

he just sat at his keyboard

and made something that really felt special

and then the day after that, he made a more upbeat song

and the week after that, he has 4 full songs in total

Open mic nights become something he enjoys

a bit of a local celebrity

“Would you play my grandma’s 80th party? Pleeeease?”

and aww bless him, he plays all the throwback songs at care homes

all free of charge

slips in some of his original music too

“Ooh, I’m afraid I don’t remember that one dear, must be my brain”

“Oh, no no no” explains Jin “I made it myself”

Old dears just love him basically

but so do the girls his age

Whilst some think the whole 50s get up is a bit lame

some go wild for it

because he dons all his outfits so well

and his songs feel so true to the era they were inspired by

you gain a love for the 50s just from watching Jin

Talented boy, keeping the 50s alive

Suga

A lot say Yoongi has an acquired taste

an electronic element to rock or metal always makes it more interesting to him

loves industrial music - NIN for days

Linkin Park made most of his jams

cried for half a day at the news of Chester no longer being with us

Likes a bit of new wave, synthpop, all that

emo songs just help you through the bad times okay

Can equally enjoy a dub festival as much as a rock concert

some people think his taste is actually naff

but then they realise he also listens to the likes Foo Fighters or Sum 41

Plays like the same 30 songs on repeat

but his collection has so much more

He has some rock and blues for the road trip

he’s got your 70s singalongs for the party

Was briefly a DJ at a rock bar

got fired for not playing enough popular songs in his set

“wtf I thought this was a bar where people could appreciate this” huffs Yoongi

“yes but people want to sing to ‘down with the sickness’ or something, not ‘down in the park’!”

“stuff you then, I’ll take Gary somewhere else with me”

guilty pleasure: Kate Bush

A somewhat gothic sense of style

but not overwhelmingly gothic

He likes bandannas and black clothes

not always in black clothes though

sometimes the merch he wants just isn’t available in black

but no worries

as long as he can happily flaunt the music that makes him who he is

J-Hope

Can listen to any rock genre

give him something and he probably already loves it

So yeah, the band members are pretty cool and all that

but what Hoseok has more interest in the backstage roles

he’d love to manage a rock band

be a tour manager

guitar tech

Much knowledge is stored in that brain of his

and he wants to put it to good use

He starts out as a promoter and organiser for the rock bar in town

which he eventually lives above

His events are ace

he can pick out fresh talent that everyone on that scene can enjoy

His showcase nights are the place to be

everyone can agree, he’s got amazing taste

no one can disagree with him

He’s a one man show and still managed to pull it off

he’s the promoter, the sound guy, the tech on all the instruments

way more professional than most other local music events

He takes pride in his work

did I mention he’s so good, it becomes a full time job?

As time goes by, he listens to less and less older music

but that’s okay

he’s happy with the time it takes to listen to all the up and coming bands

in the moment is where you should live

and he can still appreciate a band’s influences should they initiate conversation

“man, this dude really knows his stuff”

“will you manage our next tour?”

“can you do sound at our next gig? our guy’s rubbish”

and that one is like right in front of their current sound guy

The future is bright for Hoseok

his love for rock music could really earn him a solid living

Jimin

Some say he’s a bit of a poser in his leather jacket

but he really does love his rock music

Sometimes a bit behind on modern rock bands or releases

Low key wishes he was born in the 50s / 60s

just so he could live in his favourite eras

his heart really lies with the classics

60s, 70s, 80s.

90s at a push

not the later 90s where grunge bands did pop

actually any movie made in that time makes him cringe

like he’s all up for good clean fun

but christ it’s like they were trying to go back to the 50s or something

not everything is ‘swell’ you know

Don’t get him wrong though

he does also like some 50s music

He may or may not have spent that one time acting like Elvis in the mirror

it really hyped him up before a night out though

it may or may not have become a thing before going out in the evenings to boost his confidence

His all time favourite bands have to be The Rolling Stones and AC/DC

and no, he couldn’t pick between the two, ever

Doesn’t really have a desire to be in a band

but sort of accidentally picks up the bass to help out a mate in a band

and sort of accidentally becomes a permanent member

It’s just a cover band

but it’s so much fun

Sometimes, you can have a really bad day

and then listening to 23 people singing “I Love Rock n Roll”

kind of lifts your mood

“Play Wonderwall!”

gets a bit annoying to him

kind of wants to hit that one guy around the head with his bass

but he holds back

Because being aggressive wouldn’t be very rock of him

and whilst he does like punk music

he’s definitely not a punk

Screw all that political rubbish

music should be to enjoy yourself with

stop worrying about the world for one minute and

let’s sing about whiskey and cigarettes and just living life

“What do you MEAN you don’t know any Def Leppard songs?”

“For crying out loud!”

He tries to understand that not everyone will listen what the music he likes

“but... like seriously, how can you not though?”

Probably likes all the underrated bands

Loves vinyl

definitely collects vinyls

Likes to shop at vintage stores to fulfil his obscure taste

People are like “you paid £60 just for that?”

but to Tae, it’s worth every penny

He likes the classics too

he can sing along in a rock bar to all the well known tunes

old or modern

and there may be loads in his vinyl collection barely anyone recognises

but there’s some more familiar faces too

there’s The Beatles, Guns n’ Roses, Foo Fighters, anything like that

it’s just only like 20% of his huge collection

Whilst his style is inspired by those he idolises...

he can never copy them

that would be an insult to them and his originality

Plays guitar and writes songs

never anything soppy though

actually fairly hesitant to pick up an acoustic guitar

always plays electric

and the songs he makes are about having a good time, life experiences

but not about love

He can listen to a couple of cheesy tracks

he just won’t make any

“Who the heck is John Otway, Tae?”

“Oh, you know, Wild Willy Barrat”

“Willy who?”

“Cor baby, that’s really free!”

“....”

“Headbutts! da da da da da... Headbuttttsssss”

I feel like rocker V loves anything that feels slightly random

probably make his own secret songs that sound silly to others

Probably has a band that never gigs

it’s him singing and playing guitar

and a bassist and drummer that aren’t really sure why they’re here

but they kind of like the unique stuff he does

and the band is almost purposely bad

“It’s the imperfections that really give a song character”

Jungkook

Modern rock and metal

low key emo

Tears Don’t Fall by BFMV on repeat aged 14, his first break up

Lives for festivals

like when he goes to work, that is what he is earning money for

well, that and bills and food

has a jar for each festival he wants to go to this year

Also loves a bit of melodic punk

like when that one Australian band are finally coming to his country

he HAS to go

help me I’m really sad because this is me and The Decline were supposed to be coming to the UK and then this pandemic happened and now I might never see them criii

Has a playlist for every aspect of life

every feeling, every colour, every occasion

songs that remind him of a time, ones where he can visualise a colour...

many people don’t get it

“how many playlists?”

“how can a song be a colour?”

it just is

like come on, listen to this Red Jumpsuit Apparatus song

and tell him this doesn’t remind you of gold

Could be a journalist

knows everything and anything about his favourite bands

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

because it’s the perfect mixture of everything he loves about music

vests because M.Shadows

So badly wants to be in a band

tries every instrument you could find in a typical rock band

loves the drums

gets stuck on guitar though in his first band

well, he was just desperate to go gigging

he left after a year and a bit though

got boring

forms his own band instead around him being on the drums

Lives for this band

it’s like a rock band but with political lyrics

and they can perform at most events

they just fit any bill

gigs are booked almost every weekend

road trip with the lads

they travel like 50 miles just to be paid in beer only

Dreams of big time collaborations

that will probably never happen and he knows that

but it’s nice to dream, right?

puts on his own gigs a few years down the line

of course his own band are always on the bill

everyone thinks his gigs are a hoot

He even manages to book some lesser known punk bands

but they are a massive deal to him

“God, I love live music!”

“Do you always wear a black shirt guk?”

“Hey, I’m a drummer! It’s hard work; a lot of sweat involved... I’m sure no one wants to see my wet pits whilst trying to enjoy the show”

and then that person wishes they never asked...

but he’s right

he knows that a good band is all about the hard graft and work

and he is always so thankful for the great rock bands that influence him

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rodrickheffeley · 5 years

Note

hozier asks: Be

- Be- Have you changed much as a person in the last year?

it's late. but I wanna do this one 💕💕

yes, I've changed so much to over one year. Tumblr is bad bad bad. but I'd have never realised I'm not straight if it wasn't for Tumblr. they never teach about sexuality in school. how was I supposed to find about this? i learnt about lgbtq+ community on Tumblr. even tho I'm still confused at least I'm not straight. a year back I wasn't a bad person. but I was a bit ignorant about many things. i had an ig acc for my crappy poetries🙊. i used to be super sensitive when someone called me names on internet. but now who tf cares?! if a year back you said im gonna like superhero movies, I'd have punched you in the face right there. I always considered superhero genre childish. i didn't even know wtf is dc and marvel. in 2015 something I watched deadpool, I had no idea what tf was that. then in 2018 I watched tsam 1 and 2 and I loved spiderman. I thot there has to be more spider man movies because I wanted more. I found about homecoming. I was expecting Andrew but instead I got tom holland, I had no idea who he was. watching that was nightmare. I had no clue what was going on. there was some tony stark (first time I found about him ✨) and avengers. I had in my mind that spiderman movies and marvel movies are set in different universe. but this was not the case. however I watched homecoming. I looking for more spiderman movies. I found about raimi trilogy. I was like ok let's watch this. worst experience. I cringed entire time watching the first movie (although I liked green Goblin). I didn't bother to watch next one. i googled about marvel dc movies. found watching order of mcu movies, binged all twenty movies starting from iron man 1 till infinity war in 2 two weeks. first i watched all the trailers, YouTube had this all trailers combined in one. I was most excited for TFA and thor 1. i almost wanted to rush to watch those because I was so impressed by Steve rogers. yeah even I don't know why. I binged all the movies till thor Ragnarok (I loved it). infinity war wasn't out in hd. so I watched the low quality version. i had already seen spoilers for infinity war so I knew spiderman and Loki dies. but holy shit I didn't expect half of the Avengers to be dusted. i always used to see Tumblr screenshots on ig in my hp phase. so I was ok let's do this app. I downloaded I made an account. I didn't know how this works. so I logged out. I watched infinity war again and became so attached to tony stark. ant man and the wasp had just come out. I decided to log back in. first it was harry potter bullshit. then I followed some marvel blogs. an finally figured out how this app works. i started posting incorrect iron dad quotes and some of those blew up 🙊. i watched iron man trilogy again in November. since then I love him the most. and here we are. and after endgame I got tired of mcu and started reading comics. I've this thing I get bored really fast.

sorry I went off.

#ask ann #I'm glad you aksed 💕💕#iron-monsterfucker

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adotblog · 6 years

Text

The One Who Always Made The Grade - Chapter 1

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: none?! Wait, did I write this??

Notes: Lin is workshopping ‘Heights while subbing at a college. Reader (a post-grad) is assigned as his TA. There are a thousand ‘Heights references, obviously and my Shakespeare geek is showing again. Started with a prompt (thank you, lovely lady), and now a 5-part monster.

I couldn’t think of a title, so...!

Words: 2872

Tags: @alexanderusnavilindelahamilton

——————————————————

You groan as you run your fingers through your hair. The room has been silent for half an hour or so as you both worked. You look over at the professor, then up at the clock. There are still another 15 papers to grade. He eyes the stack of essays. “We need more coffee.”, he says. “Definitely. I’ll go to Joe’s, Mr Miranda”, you say, getting up from the desk. “Please stop calling me that,”, he cringes “You’re not my student, Y/N”. “Sorry...Lin”, you say with a smile as you grab your bag and head for the door.

—————————————————

“He missed the point entirely?”, Lin asks, putting down his pen and looking across the desk you’re sharing. You have your head in your hands as you grumble. Lin laughs “Didn’t quite catch that, Y/N”. You straighten up and exhale with a loud sigh. Still you can’t stop your frustration leaking into your voice. “He’s lifted the entire quote, right to ‘I will be horribly in love with her’...and he just basically says ‘Benedick realises that to win, he must be more in love than her’”.

Lin grins, amused by your derision of his student’s work. “What would you have written?”, he asks.

You throw your hands in the air. “Maybe, just MAYBE, I’d have mentioned that there’s nuance there-that the actor can decide whether Benedick is newly introduced to the idea of loving Beatrice in this moment or that he could reveal that he’s always been in love with her, but in denial, for so many reasons-both sensible and foolish. Honestly, that’s high school Shakespeare-and he doesn’t get it?”. You stand and pace as you continue.

“MAYBE, I’d have realised that that isn’t even the best quote to focus on-that this play, this amazing play- which he clearly hasn’t read properly- has so many truly magical passages.”. You spin on your heel “Write about ‘I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not that strange?’- the stark beauty of the abrupt admission. Write about Benedick saying he ‘cannot woo in festival terms’, contrast their private, informal love with Claudio and...what?”. You stop-Lin is watching you, leaning back in his chair, arms folded and a goofy smile on his face. He shakes his head. “Nothing. I love your passion.”, he says simply.

“Well...The kid is butchering my favourite play, damnit.”, you sulk as you sit down. “You’re going to make a great teacher”, he says warmly, shocking you into a small smile. “Here, you mark this one”, he says as he hands you a different student’s paper. “She gets it”, he winks.

A little embarrassed now, you hand him the offending paper. “It’s probably not that bad, I…”, you mumble. “Oh I’m sure it is”, Lin says “Damn kid never listens to a word I say.”.

——————————————————

You check the clock- 10:30. These late night grading sessions have become a habit over the last few weeks. It’s perfect because this part of campus is so quiet at night-just professors who’ve holed away in their offices, the occasional grad student in search of a computer. Mostly it’s just you and Lin, and mostly you’re grading.

You also talk a lot. Sure, about literature. Or at least that’s how it started. Now it’s sometimes movies, or music, even campus gossip occasionally. He’s excitable like a puppy-boundless energy...until his caffeine runs out, anyway.

You look over at Lin now. His brow is furrowed as he squints at his email, clearly displeased at the content.

“Lin?”. “Yeaaaahhh.”, he answers distractedly. “How come you aren’t tenured somewhere?”, you ask. “You’re great, students really work for you...most of them anyway… how come you’re just doing this one semester?”. Lin sits back in his chair. “This isn’t my life’s work.”, he shrugs. You deliberately leave a silence for him to fill. He does. “I’m a writer...a playwright actually. At least, as soon as someone puts one of my musicals on, I will be I guess…”. He looks embarrassed.

“I love musicals. Wow, I’m going to be able to say I knew you when…!”, you say. He’s surprised by your reaction, and grins. “I hope I get good enough that you can…”, he says. “Anyway, I need to balance temp work to give me time to write, with earning money to pay the bills-that’s why I just sub.”. He looks a little weighted down by the admission, it’s clearly something he’s having to struggle with-ambition and failure, uncertainty. There’s no doubt in your mind that he’ll succeed.

“Make me a promise right now.”, you say impulsively, getting to your feet. He looks up at you as you stick your hand out across the desk. “I get tickets to opening night when you get to Broadway.”. He stands too, a slow smile creeping to his face. “Deal.”, he says softly. You return the smile, suddenly acutely aware that you’re effectively holding his hand. And neither of you has let go yet. You can’t be sure but you think you see his gaze flick down to your lips before he releases your hand, his expression awkward.

——————————————————

An instant message alert pings at your terminal.

Lin: These tests are a hot MESS. Are you free after hours?

Y/N: I finish at 5, can be with you by 6?

Lin: You’re sure? Don’t want to keep you.

Y/N: I’m sure. Bring coffee as payment.

Lin: Deal.

It’s just before 6 when you track him down to the rehearsal room at the very back of the building. “What the…?”, you question as you throw your bag on a chair. “I know. French department’s being fumigated, a bunch of them are camped out in our normal room.”, he complains.

You stand in the middle of the room, assessing the layout. Beaten old upright piano in the corner and a million plastic chairs. No desk, no whiteboard. “Aha!”, you exclaim as you dash across the room to the curtained off area. “What?”, Lin asks, having watched you the whole time. “Behind the curtain, there’s always a folding table.”, you say. “How can you possibly know that?”, he laughs. “Didn’t you ever do community theatre? There’s always a table so they can have committee meetings and feel important.”.

You pull back the curtain with a dramatic flourish. Puppet theatre. Wooden benches. Random bits of scenery. Trestle table. “Score!”, you yell and begin to manhandle it out of the recess. Lin runs to your aid, grabbing the other end. You walk it to the middle of the room where you do battle with the folding legs, both falling about laughing, and eventually get it standing. You pull over two chairs and start unpacking papers from the plastic crate Lin’s brought.

“Huh.”, Lin says as he sits down and opens his laptop. “What?”. You stack papers between you. “We’ve never been on the same side before.”, he says, looking over at your chair. “Umm, of the table. Desk.”, he adds and hands you a coffee. You smile as you take your seat next to him. “Always on your side, Lin”, you joke.

——————————————————-

You push open the door with your butt and reverse into the room with your coffee tray. Lin’s at the piano and plays clown entrance music as you struggle to keep the cups and bags from falling. “Cut that out or no cookies for you!”, you chastise. He comes to take the cups from you and places them atop the piano. He sits back at the keyboard. “I fancied a musical interlude for our coffee break”, he says.

“Like...karaoke?” you ask. “Ha, maybe. What’s your favourite musical?”. You unwrap the cookies as you answer. “Rent. No, Les Mis. No, Rent. Ugh, don’t make me choose things.”. He plays the intro to “A Heart Full Of Love” And you give him a death stare. “NO. Also, eww I’m not Cosette!”, he laughs as he keeps playing. “You’re Eponine?!”. You posture next to the piano. “Duh, I’m Enjolras!”. He laughs so hard he has to stop playing, nearly falling off the stool. You hand him a cookie. “So, cut to the chase.”, you say. He cocks his head to the side. “Lin, you’re at the piano, you clearly want to play me something from your musical”, you tease. “Get on with it.”. You lean your elbow on the top of the piano as he pretends to be outraged.

“Yeah you’re right.”, he concedes after approximately two seconds. He bites the cookie then hands it back to you. He chews super fast, hurriedly takes a sip of coffee and then says “This is called ‘In The Heights’”. He plays a bouncy melody on the keys. “I can’t sit still at all tonight…”.

He plays like someone living the melody. He inhabits the song, it’s just an extension of him. The song, by the way, is utterly charming. It’s a ballad, clearly a love song, but upbeat. It really feels like Lin. Halfway through the verse he looks you in the eye. “So take these dreams

And sing them back to me”.

You weren’t expecting to react to what he was going to sing. But as you hold his gaze and listen to the lyrics and he sings “Please come back to me”, you swallow thickly, wetness gathering at the corner of your eye. He hits the final chord of the song and for a second he just stares at the keys. He’s clearly in the emotion of it and it takes a second for him to slip back into himself. “Uhhh. It needs some more work and..”, he shuffles on the bench.

“Lin, it was beautiful.”, you say, aware there’s a catch in your voice. “You wrote that? You really wrote that?”. He smiles “Yeah.”. “Do you realise how good it is? I...I really am gonna see you on Broadway one day!”, you say excitedly. He smiles and gets up from the bench, heading back to the table/desk. “Break’s over”, he smiles. You chase after him. “No! I need to hear more! Do they get together?! Are they happy? Did you break them up?!”

——————————————————

From that day, you never go back to the old room. Instead you always use the rehearsal room for grading and lesson planning. You always plan a coffee break and it always happens at the piano.

You always ask Lin to play something he’s written. He always does-he is a natural show-off after all. You love everything he plays, he’s a genuine talent and his songs easily stick in your head so you find yourself humming snippets even when he’s not around.

——————————————————

“I believe Ms Y/L/N might have some thoughts on that”, Lin says from the whiteboard. Your head snaps up as all the students turn to look at you. Lin grins and beckons you to the front of class. You make your way through the desks, hoping the look you’re giving him accurately conveys your feelings about being put on the spot.

“Much Ado is an infinitely better love story than Romeo and Juliet...Go!”, he says and gestures like a starting pistol, jumping out of the way to give you the floor. You sigh. “Alright. I hope you’re writing this down I’m gonna test you later. First: Beatrice.”.

——————————————————-

“That was...unexpected!”, you scold him later. “Ahh, I’m sorry-but I knew you’d make the case so well”, he grins. You fold your arms. “You had them enthralled.”, he says, more serious now. You begrudgingly thank him “Don’t spring that on me again, though”, you say. “Couldn’t if I wanted to”, Lin says as he packs his messenger bag. “That was our last class together.”.

Oh. Right. He’s a sub, he won’t be back next semester...you’ll be someone else’s TA. You feel a little pang of you don’t know what. “But hey, we’ve gotta get through finals first”, Lin grimaces. “Oh god. Do you have a plan?”, you ask. Lin gets out his diary and you talk through when you can go over the content of the test and then grade it. “We need to post results early that Monday morning so really we need to work through the weekend-can you do that?”, he asks. “Sure. The rehearsal room?”, you ask. “Well, that room seems to be perpetually empty other than for you and me, so yeah.”, Lin chuckles. “I’ll bring the snacks!”, you say happily.

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And so, two weeks later, it’s Saturday night and you’re both cross legged on the floor in front of 30 papers. You’ve laid them all out, trying to sift them into piles of great, good, not great and terrible. Lin sighs. “Honestly, Y/N, if you have somewhere to be-just go. Saturday nights should not be spent like this.”, he grumbles.

“Nah it’s fine.”, you shrug. The truth is you like his company. You look forward to your musical coffee breaks. “Then at least let me buy takeout or something.”, he says. “Lin I literally brought every snack there is, stop procrastinating.”, you say.

“Ugh, fine. How long til we said we’d take a break?”, he asks. “Half an hour-can you manage that?”, you ask sarcastically. He sticks out his tongue before going back to work. Exactly 29 minutes later he jumps up and runs to the bag of snacks you’ve brought. He throws you some gummy bears and rips open a bag of pretzels on his way to the piano.

“Alright what’ll it be tonight?”, he asks, playing a few chords. “Something by you”, you say through a mouthful of gummy bears. “You always say that. I ain’t your performing monkey!”, he jokes. “Please, you live for an audience-you’re everyone’s performing monkey!”, you laugh. He gasps. “How dare you. Ok this one is called Hundreds of stories-but it’s not finished yet.”.

He starts singing a tale of a guy looking for his place in the world. The theme is fairly unremarkable but his lyrics…”memories like dyin’ embers From a dream I can’t remember” strikes you so hard that you miss the next couple of lines. You can easily imagine how an actor will bring these songs to life on stage.

When he finishes you clap. He grins as he grabs another handful of pretzels. “Loved it”, you say. “It’s gonna be an amazing musical, Lin”. “I hope so”, he says. “Hey you should come next time we present it!”, he says excitedly. “I’d love that! Can I sing along?”, you joke. “Absolutely not! You couldn’t anyway…?”, Lin says. “Oh yeah?”, you clear your throat, make a big show of straightening your posture and looking out over the rehearsal room before singing “This is my street, my childhood esquina…”. You only know the first four lines or so but when you turn back to Lin he is grinning ear to ear.

“How’d you remember that?!”, he asks. “Lin you played me it twice and it’s been my ear worm for a month. It’s GENIUS.”, you declare. Lin looks both embarrassed and pleased. “Thank you.”. There’s an awkward pause. “I should go get coffee”, he says and trots over to the door.

——————————————————

“Agreed?”, you ask, as you both stand in front of the stacks of papers. He takes one last look. “Agreed!”, he says. “Yes!”, you holler. Lin leaps up and down, whooping, then throws his arms around you in a celebratory hug. It only lasts a second before he breaks away and starts piling the papers into his crate, but it takes you longer than that shake yourself back to his conversation. “...and honestly, they’re a good bunch of kids”, he’s saying. You nod and smile.

“Oh! Lin, I forgot I got a favour to ask you.”, you remember. “Sure, What?”. “Umm, well I’m applying for a couple of jobs here-night school teaching, that kind of thing….”. “Y/N, that’s great! You’d be great at that!”, he interrupts excitedly. You smile. “I just wondered if maybe you would give me a reference?”.

“Of course!”, he says “gimme your phone.”. You hand him your phone and he adds his number. “Just call me when you need something.”, he says. “Great, thank you!”, you say in relief. “No problem. Honestly, it’s been great working with you. You deserve to get a good position next year.”, he says warmly. You place your phone back in your pocket with a smile.

Lin picks up the crate as you check around to make sure you haven’t left anything. “That’s it.”. “Thanks for everything, Y/N”, he calls as he heads for the door. You stay rooted to the spot, a strange pit of disappointment in your belly that you don’t quite understand. “Wait, Y/N?”, Lin calls back through the door. “Yeah?”, you shout. He comes back into the room, balancing the box in the doorway. “Call me in a minute and hang up, so that I have your number too.”, he says with a small smile. You return the smile. “Sure.”. “Bye.”.

A few minutes later, as you head to your apartment, you call him and hang up after three rings. As you throw yourself down on your bed, your phone lights up.

Lin: Thanks. See ya around, Y/N.

See ya around.

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#lin x reader #lin manuel imagine #lin manuel x reader #hamilcast imagine #hamilcast x reader #hamilcast rpf #rpf #fanfiction

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gettingitwrite · 6 years

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Cringe Wave Tag

I don’t know whether to thank @aschenink for tagging me, or curse you for making me go back to my old stuff (but seriously, thanks for the tag, even if I’m cringing super hard right now)

Rules:

1. Post a quote or short excerpt from your early days of writing. (I’m talking old fanfics, slash fics, original fics, etc., that are barely edited and have a ton of technical errors and misspelled words.) This is the cringe part. Don’t edit anything! Let it be horrendous. Don’t Panic.

2. Post a quote or short excerpt from one of your most recent works/WIPs. Something that you’re proud of. Something that you’ve written that makes you smile when you read it.

3. Tag a writer you admire, anyone who you think is amazing, new friends, followers, writeblrs, anyone who you’d like to know more about. If you think someone is a great writer and you want to see how they’ve developed their skills, tag them! Everyone started somewhere.

Alpha (2014)

The fires were always the worst.

You could always tell when there was a burning. Whenever the piles of bodies piled up too high, or the air became so unbreathable it was choking the agents patrolling the streets, they lit a fire in the town square. Sometimes it took days before all the bodies had been burnt down to ash. The smell of smoke always lingered in the ghettos.

A boy sat high in his room, vacantly staring out at the horizon. Brown hair fell into green eyes. He made no move to clear his vision. Delta’s stare was dead and vacant anyway. What he saw now didn’t matter.

On the floor of his bedroom, the letter was now nothing but a pile of shreds. Delta doubted anything could be made out from the torn, ripped scraps of paper littering his bedroom floor. He wondered how a simple piece of paper, a small insignia branded in the corner, could change everything. A mother’s sobs echoed throughout the empty rooms. For once the ramshackle apartment seemed big, too big. Inside Delta felt like he was being crushed, as though the air was being forced from his lungs. All he could do was force himself to breathe. In, out, in, out. It wasn’t working.

This was probably my first honest-to-goodness attempt to start and finish a novel, planning and all. And...I wrote about 20,000 words before getting stuck and giving up. I’ve mostly scrapped this work, cannibalizing scenes and characters here and there for other works (fun fact, this was where the zombies for Rabid came from)

Chimera (2017)

“Val.” I nudge her, nodding to the street.

She looks up, sliding the phone away as she strides out into the road. I hesitate to follow her, pulling the black hood of a borrowed jumper over my head. Up until now I was distracted, especially when Val was yelling at me. Now, I can’t think of anything except the truth of the situation.

I’m about to meet my father’s murderer.

I’ve become intimately familiar with the symptoms of panic attacks in the past few days. I know the warning signs, can tell when I’m about to lose it, and it’s exactly what’s happening right now. If I could just stop and take deep breaths I would, but it feels like a vice is squeezing my chest, and Val is still walking, and then he’s there, Suffolk, walking out of the building as if everything is normal when it’s not.

I don’t realise Val’s stopped, turned around, until she grabs my hand, squeezes with a bit too much force. I don’t complain; it’s something to ground me, keep me here. I manage to flash her a grateful smile, and her grip tightens. I’m not doing this alone. For the first time in my life there are people willing to stand beside me, call themselves my friends.

It’s a new thought for me, and a good one.

Since I’m nearing the end of the first draft of Rabid, I thought I’d share part of what is going to be my new wip :)

i’ll tag @sirilikestowrite , @theprissythumbelina and @hklunethewriter (sorry for the cringing you’re about to do guys!)

#tag game #tagged #cringe #my old writing #my writing #original writing #The second one's probably not that much better tbh

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amcnh · 6 years

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Cub Sport

If their story was a film, it would forever be my favorite. It has all my ideal elements: slow burn romance, music, travel and gay leads. Tim Nelson and Sam “Bolan” Netterfield met at school. Bolan’s mother recalls her son coming home one day and telling her he met a boy who played the piano really well and that he wanted to learn to play like him. Tim and Bolan became fast friends. They started spending more and more time together and eventually playing music together. The group – since 2013, called Cub Sport – took off. Buzzy EPs turned into hit singles turned into a highly anticipated debut album. Cub Sport, made up of, yes, Tim and Bolan but also bassist Zoe Davis and drummer Dan Puusaari, was officially a successful project. The band was together a lot, recording and touring and promoting, and Tim and Bolan were spending pretty much all their time together. Both admit now that, at the level they could have clocked or allowed it, they realized quite early on in their friendship that they were in love with each other, but, both raised in super religious environments, were not willing or ready to address that let alone their gayness. While on tour in America during 2016, however, things unsaid finally were spoken. They describe it all much better, and it makes me swoon, so here are some quotes:

Tim to OUT Magazine:

“I went on a writing trip in the middle of 2015 for about a month and I missed Bolan (Sam) so much. I started to recognise that I was in love with him, but I had a lot of fear and denial to work through. In the middle of 2016, we went on a two-month overseas tour. Being away from the reminders and restrictions of normal life back home was really instrumental in us feeling like we had the freedom to explore and pursue what had been building between us.

The Orlando attack happened while we were on tour in the U.S. and it was not only a reminder of how fleeting our time on earth can be, but a big wakeup call that if we just embraced who we really were we could also try to help inspire and encourage young queer people facing the same internal battles we were both experiencing. We went to Pride festival in Denver around the same time and the atmosphere was really supportive and beautiful.”

Bolan to The Guardian, discussing the impact Hanya Yanagihara’s A Little Life had on his relationship with Tim:

“I think I had buried so deeply within me what I really wanted that it took me seeing it play out in fiction to actually have the clarity and perspective to look at my own situation and give me strength to realise that life is too short not to follow… I think I realised early in the book I was drawing direct correlation with those characters and with myself, then seeing one character die really shook me. I was suddenly hit with the notion that if Tim was to die, how could I have not said something. I realised I had to put everything on the line and I was willing to potentially jeopardise and lose our friendship to get everything that I suddenly realised I wanted and needed.”

On the final night of their American tour in that summer of 2016, after a long night of partying and celebrating, Bolan, as told to The Guardian, finally addressed his feelings to Tim. He recalled saying, “’I don’t want this to ruin our friendship but I want to be with you, I love you and I want to be with you forever,’ and then Tim started to cry and said, ‘So do I.’” It’s adorable and happy and lovely. Bolan, in an interview with triple j about their relationship, said, “We fell in love over the course of about eight years.” That’s some fucking cinematic shit.

They’ve been so generous in sharing the personal details of their story. It influences their sophomore record BATS that they self-released this year (we’re getting to that), but it also is a generous, helpful decision to be so open. This year in Australia’s clusterfuck of a marriage equality “debate,” a lot of queer kids were left confused and isolated and scared. To see Bolan and Tim happy and proud, as they’ve said, meant a lot to their young fans. Beyond the adorable story of it all, it’s been for good.

Now, the record. BATS, sonically, is a shift from Cub Sport’s previous work. Tim, the lyricist and vocalist for the group, cites A Seat At The Table and Blonde as huge inspiration for the project. Content wise, the record documents their romance. To Notion, Tim said, “It more-or-less follows my personal journey from the moment I admitted to myself that I was gay, to coming to terms with being in love with my best friend/bandmate Bolan (Sam), finally acknowledging the situation a year later and to then coming out and getting together.” He further told Music-News, “Bolan’s and my story rolls out over this list of songs, more-or-less in this order – ‘Chasin’,’ ‘Look After Me’, ‘Crush,’ ‘Solo III,’ ‘Bats,’ ‘Give It To Me (Like You Mean It),’ ‘O Lord’ and ‘Banyo Blue.’” And if you read the lyrics to those tracks, the details – starkly honest and evocative – are all there.

“Chasin’” was the song Tim wrote after returning from his trips to Los Angeles and London to write, when he realized his feelings for Bolan. He said he wrote it without fully understanding what it was saying at the time. Now, it’s clear. It’s a song about fear and confusion. “I’m trying to be honest and live deliberately. Is it delusional to think that I can do this? Time always makes me doubt what’s coming out me.” To Notion, Tim said, “Sam had heard ‘Chasin’’ in its original demo form for about nine months before we actually had the conversation. He said he already knew what it was about so I guess that helped inform him that what he was feeling was reciprocated, even though I hadn’t had the courage to say it out loud in words.”

On “Look After Me,” Tim is sensing something. “There’s something in the way you look at me like I’ve never done wrong.” It’s visceral – that, “I think maybe he feels this way because I see this look in his eyes, but am I just seeing things because I want to see things or am I seeing the truth?” It’s a rhythmic, interior processing.

“Crush” sees that post-tour, mid-celebration conversation when they first opened up to each other. “And you whisper to me 'Why are you crying?’ I think it's from the years of trying to try and push you from me. I didn't know who I was meant to be. Did I crush you with the things I wouldn't say? Did I hurt you on the way? How am I so lucky that you waited for me.” We’re there, hearing and seeing this moment. It’s a lot.

“Solo III” is, indeed, inspired by Frank Ocean’s songs on Blonde. “We keep blazin', playing ‘Solo,’ and now we've got our song. And I believe in me and you. We make each other strong. And here it is, my first love song. It didn't even take that long. Now I'm not laying solo.” This marks a first – them, honest and together, celebrating their love and its newness. To Junkee, Tim shared the importance Blonde and “Solo” played in their relationship: “That album came out pretty soon after [we got together] and for the first few times, every time we got to ‘Solo’ I would cry. I was like, ‘I can’t believe I get to have what we’ve got.’ It immediately became our song, but the lyrics didn’t match up with our situation at all, and so I wanted to take from that and make it out own. And I think the melody’s just different enough that we could get away with using it.” Tim asks, “Oh, what did I do, do I deserve you?” This line’s a reminder that, yeah, we’re getting the timeline of their relationship, but Tim is writing these songs. We’re getting his feelings on what’s going on here – the disbelief, the joy.

“Bats,” if you’re a fan of the pair’s Snapchats, makes total sense. For the unacquainted, Tim clarified to Music-News: “The house we were living in when I recorded BATS was just up the hill from a creek that had a huge colony of bats living along its banks. Bolan and I would walk our dogs down there each evening and watch the bats fill the sky (usually soundtracked by Frank Ocean – ‘White Ferrari’ playing off my phone). I’d often put it on my Snapchat story and one day someone from Texas replied and said that they’d see the same thing there. It inspired the opening lyrics of the song ‘Bats.’ ‘Bats in the sky, it looks like Texas. I like this time because it reminds us we can be anywhere, that doesn’t change us, nothing can change us now.’ ‘Bats’ the song felt like it really represented the vibe/story of the album which is why we decided to make it the title track. There was always something exciting and emotive about seeing thousands of bats fill the sky and I wanted that visual to represent the collection of songs.” The lyrics refer to “Solo” and Tim’s overseas writing trips again, saying, “I've been on flights. I've seen some sights, but I didn't feel it. Just there to write. If I fly again, it won't be solo 'cause that got me so low.” “Bats” is a quiet, peaceful celebration of their togetherness and inseparability. He says, “You’re the reason that I keep on tryin.”

The next song on their timeline is the record’s most chilled track. Co-written and featuring vocals from Sarah Blasko (an eternal favorite of mine), “Give It To Me (Like You Mean It)” is a flat-out love song. An adoration song, even. “I like that light on your face. You are my favourite place.” “I could just watch you move. Everything you do just makes me…” It could be cringe, but, fuck, it isn’t. It’s really rather beautiful.

“O Lord” is the first single they chose to bring out ahead of BATS. It was a brave choice seeing as the first thirty-seven seconds are Tim and Bolan harmonizing without any instruments, but it was also a way of announcing, “Hey, things are a bit different now.” The visuals for the track are as stunning as the song, showing Tim and Bolan embracing in some muted neony, pastelish colors. This is their “radical softness.” This is the Solange influence. Tim told The FADER, “This video challenges everything I grew up believing about masculinity, beauty and homosexuality — it's super liberating to create this video and feel free from judgment, both internally and externally.” Lyrically, this marks a step away from the portrayal of the new, intense love. Tim says, “I was free to be my true self, I was finally in a relationship with the love of my life and I had full love and support from my friends and family, but what I didn’t expect was the realisation that when you get everything you’ve ever wanted you suddenly have everything to lose. This song ended up being my way of grappling with those feelings.” To the world, as a return, as an inviting in, as a reinvention of sound and style, “O Lord” really fucking works.

“Banyo Blue,” the final track on the standard version of BATS, leaves us with the most updated glimpse into their relationship. This is them settled. This is, “Yeah, the world is really intense and not wonderful, but, here, with each other and choosing each other, we’re gonna be good.” Tim asks, “Can we be a story throughout the ages?” He says, “I write about you. I could go on for pages,” and “I just kind of feel like I have found my light. The rest’s not perfect, but it’s fine when you’re tight.” Here, this love that they have so damn graciously shared with us and painstakingly and beautifully documented for us, is good. It’s ongoing and it’s committed. The confusion and shame of the past is gone, and shit’s still bad elsewhere, but in this honesty and in this sharing, they’re gonna be okay. (Since the recording of BATS, Tim and Bolan got engaged and are getting married next year, a thing they can now legally do because Australia just legalized marriage equality [s/o to queer Australians dragged through that dehumanizing process, btw]) I’m emotional.

Now, I gush. The details of Tim and Bolan’s story make the record a living, immersive, gripping experience. It’s truly the shit great films and novels are made of. If you don’t know what every song’s about, it’s still a moving work. In an essay he penned for The Line Of Best Fit, Tim said, “For me, getting to a place where I could really connect with myself and write, unguarded, from the heart has been a journey that has taken me over a decade.” I truly love their past material. Their first full-length album This Is Our Vice is a record I still listen to every week, without skipping a song. The songwriting is clever and the lyrics are insightful. But, here with BATS and (again) the brave decision to share their story and illuminate the details of each song, there’s something else happening. It’s, as they dubbed, truly some “radical softness.” Tim said, “BATS is a product of queer love and I hope it can be a comfort and encouragement for the LGBTQI community and our allies during this time.” It is.

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sangfroidwoolf · 7 years

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Tony Slattery - July 2017 Telegraph interview

Returning to the Fringe for the first time in 33 years, Tony Slattery reveals to Dominic Cavendish just how lucky he is to be alive.

It’s an August evening in 1981 and in an Edinburgh church hall, a gaggle of bright young things take their bows before a cheering audience. Then there’s a big surprise, a token of good times to come.

On to the stage bounds Rowan Atkinson, who announces that this year’s festival is ushering in an exciting new award for “best comedy show on the Fringe”, sponsored by Perrier, “the bubbly water people”, and that Cambridge “bloody” Footlights have scooped the inaugural prize. Click-click go the cameras, yielding a classic “before they were famous” group photograph: Hugh Laurie, politely reaching for the cheque; Emma Thompson, looking on delighted; Stephen Fry, wearing a bow-tie and wary grin; and, behind him, a handsome young devil by the name of Tony Slattery.

Fast forward a decade and Fry, Laurie, Thompson and Slattery have become household names – reuniting in the hit 1992 British rom-com Peter’s Friends, about old college revue chums meeting up, 10 years on, to reminisce and recriminate over a boozy yet sobering weekend. Jump ahead to today, though, and while the first three have gone from strength to strength (even national treasure status), Slattery, who once hoovered up work on stage and small-screen – so ubiquitous that he was lampooned for it (in Private Eye, Viz and on Spitting Image too) – has been notable by his absence. Last year, hailing Peter’s Friends as almost “his favourite British film ever,” the late AA Gill asked: “Yes, where is Tony Slattery?”

Living, in turns out, in a rented two-up, two-down in Edgware, north London and still in recovery from a mental breakdown in the mid-Nineties that left him with a shattered career, crushed confidence and few friends. Oh, and a bank account almost empty from binge-spending on drink, drugs, impulse buys, charitable flurries and exploitative acquaintances, and years of medical help to tackle a condition belatedly identified as Cyclothymia, a form of bipolar disorder.

The man who greets me in Soho is, though it pains me to write this, a pale shadow of his former debonair self: grey-haired, with haunted brown eyes. Smiling sweetly and jittery as anything, Slattery’s speech, slightly breathless, throws up a skittering collection of heart‑stopping anecdotes, abstruse diagnostic details and such tentative expressions of hope for a fresh start to his career it almost brings a tear to your eye.

Now 57, he next month is going to brave the gladiatorial boards in Edinburgh for the first time in 33 years. The challenge? The stage‑version of Whose Line Is It Anyway? the Channel 4 improvisation show that helped make him a comedy kingpin in the Eighties and Nineties. When the call came for him to take part, “I didn’t waver for a moment. I was so excited and surprised. A bit of me thought: ‘Someone must have dropped out. They must be desperate!’ It’s a risk, I know that. What happens if the words don’t come?” He giggles. “I said to myself the other day, in a sense I’m playing the ‘F--- me, I thought he was dead!’ card”.

In the most immediate sense, it’s a minor miracle he’s even sitting here. In the past two years, he has been rushed to hospital twice. The first time, “I realised I couldn’t get up from my chair, and managed to call 999”. It turned out he had pneumonia, one lung clogged with pus, plus related sepsis. Two months on, he found himself rolling around on the floor – “There was so much pain in my stomach, I couldn’t speak”. He collapsed in A&E, and was on the operating table in 20 minutes. “Part of my lower bowel had knotted so they took out a section of my gut. I lost three stone in four weeks.” On top of that, he caught super-bug, C difficile.

All that, though, is but the stinging chaser to the life-threatening cocktail of calamity that beset him during his annus horribilis of 1996, when he cut himself off from the world in his Thameside flat in Wapping, refusing to see friends, ignoring calls, ceasing to wash, letting post pile up, and heedless of the bailiffs who hammered at the door. “I felt I had used a lot of myself up, in the wrong way, and I had had enough of it, really. I felt I had become a light entertainment construct – there was an intense feeling of waste, and self-hatred,” he says. He concedes the bitter truth of the sneering Private Eye cartoon that depicted his telephone answering machine as giving the outgoing message: “Yes, I’ll do it!” “I did a lot of rubbish. I was a scampering puppy. I didn’t take holidays. I wasn’t born into money [he grew up on a Willesden housing estate, the youngest of five, his Irish father on the production line at the Heinz factory]. So I kept saying ‘Yes’. I think people started to think ‘Oh, not him again!’ And so I stopped.”

At the “lighter” end of his behaviour during his period of turmoil, there’s the surreal incident, recounted in a documentary about bipolar disorder that Fry (the most supportive of his Footlights chums, he says) recorded in 2006: the time he tipped his electrical goods into the Thames, “with the river police shouting at me from their loudhailers”. At the darkest end, there’s a nadir he hasn’t made public until now. “For some reason, one night I took all my clothes off, then went down to [my block’s] underground car-park and lay under a car. I got bitten on my feet by rats while I was lying there.” When he managed to get to a hospital, in addition to being given antipsychotics, he was tested for plague. “I think I must be the only person in showbiz who’s been tested for plague! I thought you’d laugh at that,” he adds. I try. It’s hard.

Does he envy his fellow famous Footlighters? He claims not. “They were always in a stellar world”. He does admit to crying watching Peter’s Friends, though. “Yes, I do,” he says. “It was such a charmed time.” He’s broke now. Was he once a millionaire? “It’s possible,” he replies. “I’m terrible with money.” Was it the case he could spend £4,000 a week on cocaine, as has been claimed? Yes. “At the peak, I was taking 10g a day. A specialist said ‘You must be exaggerating, you wouldn’t have a nose left’. But I think I was snorting so much, so fast, it didn’t have time to touch the sides. That’s the only reason I’ve still got a septum.”

A bright kid – an all-rounder at school, winning an Exhibition to Cambridge to read modern and medieval languages – he dabbled with ambitions of entering academia: “I wanted to be a crusty old professor with the keys to the port cellar.” But he answered the call to become an entertainer instead, and still doesn’t regret pursuing that path, for all the troughs, not least because it enabled him to meet “the love of my life”, actor Mark Michael Hutchinson. The pair fell for each other in 1986 while appearing in the West End in Me and My Girl and have been together ever since, although Hutchinson was busy performing in the US during Slattery’s darkest times. While their relationship was common knowledge in the profession, it’s the first time he has let it slip to a journalist.

“I’m not coming out. I was never in,” he jokes. “I’m happily described as gay. I was never hung up about my sexuality. At university, I played for both sides and I think until 1986 I was unsure. But what has always mattered to me more than sex was finding someone to love. What is important isn’t someone’s body, it’s whether their smile reaches their eyes.” For all his various sicknesses, his outlook seems remarkably healthy. “What will survive of us is love,” he says, quoting Larkin.

“If all I am destined to be is a footnote in comedy history, that’s fine,” he adds. And if nothing comes of his Edinburgh foray this time round, he’ll cope. “I’ll carry on. Please don’t write that I’m a ‘survivor’,” he says, in a parting shot, cringing at the clichéd thought of it. Yet that’s exactly what he is. And he should get a prize for it.

#thought i'd post the whole 'coming out' interview for any fellow tony fans out there #lovely to discover that he and mark are still together #hope all continues to go well for you mr slattery #(near death experiences aside)#<3 #tony slattery #interview #telegraph

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thirddoctor · 7 years

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(1/2)as a fan of both dw and sherlock, i wonder how you could write such a well articulated response to an ignorant person about cringe culture but then have the attitude you do toward sherlock? you don't have to like it but judging a dispersed fandom that barely exists anymore for relating to doctor who when both shows share a head writer is super hypocritical. in regards to that post you made it makes no sense and i wish i saw solidarity over hostility between these similarly judged fanbases

(2/2)also if tjlcers say they see parallels between bill and heather and john and sherlock, it’s a compliment. tjlc believes in progress too, specifically for a 130 year old couple that has yet to be represented as openly gay. it’s about so much more than just the show, and being a dw fan i think you can understand that much. i like what you have to say about dw, but i don’t get why you attack a fandom that gets such similar treatment to dw fans when we could just be sympathizing

I don’t think you realise what my attitude towards Sherlock (or even Johnlock for that matter) actually is. I think the show has its issues—racism in The Blind Banker, killing off Mary, etc.—so I understand why a lot of people don’t like it, but I actually still enjoy much of it (although I’m going to be bitter about Mary’s death forever). There was a time in my life when the show was really important to me and helped me through a lot of depression, so I’m always going to have a soft spot for it.

Heck, I used to blog about it so much that half my followers were following me for it. My previous url was theorganizerofeverydeviltry, a quote about Professor Moriarty from the books, just to show how much I loved Moriarty (in fact I still love all incarnations of the character dearly). I wrote a 50k Molliarty fic. I made countless edits. I defended Mary repeatedly against the people who unfairly hated her. I’d probably still blog about my faves sometimes if it weren’t for how cringy the show is perceived as being, so I’m not sure what makes you think I hate it or would want to contribute to that cringe culture myself.

What I’ve criticised lately has been the fandom. Larges fandoms are almost always a mess (just look at the dumpster fire that the Doctor Who fandom as a whole has always been), but the Sherlock fandom seems to be on a mission to outdo all the others. Now, there are plenty of nicer pockets in the fandom, including amongst the Johnlock shippers, and I suspect even many of the TJLCers are nice people on an individual level. It’s just that as a group, parts of the fandom—especially TJLC—have been absolutely horrible. This has nothing to do with cringe culture or any of that nonsense. If some fifteen-year-old likes making silly posts about Johnlock or Superwholock or whatever, then I really don’t care. I’m glad they’re having fun and I don’t think anyone has any right to bully them over it. What they’re doing is harmless.

The people I have an issue with are the ones sending death threats to Amanda Abbington, harassing the other actors and shipping them in real life, accusing Mark Gatiss of faking his identity as a gay man just because he didn’t make Johnlock happen, going on endless misogynistic attacks against Mary (including photoshoping gifs of Martin Freeman, who was Amanda’s real life partner at the time, beating her with a mallet—the vileness of that should hopefully be obvious), harassing anyone who didn’t ship Johnlock and/or believe in TJLC, luring in impressionable young fans and getting them to invest their emotional well-being deeply in something that the creators had outright said would never happen, continuing to string them along in a cult-like fashion with new conspiracies when all the previous theories collapsed, appropriating Jeremy Brett’s sexuality to prop up Johnlock in the Granada adaption despite Jeremy having stated he didn’t play the relationship that way, getting angry at the show Apple Tree Yard for existing instead of being a secret Sherlock episode… I could go on and on. And yes, I’m sure there were anti-TJLCers who behaved badly and bullied people too, so don’t think I’m condoning that either. But it seems pretty obvious to me that TJLC as a whole is an extremely toxic and unhealthy community.

I have no interest in Johnlock myself and grew tired of its popularity long ago, but there are many nice shippers who are perfectly respectful towards other fans, and I have no problem with them. I want to make it clear that I’m not attacking the ship in general. I’m not even attacking individual TJLCers, many of whom, as I said, are decent people. It’s just that as an entity, TJLC has serious issues, and I feel sorry for the people who were sucked in by the leaders of the conspiracy and made to believe in something the show was never going to deliver.

So in conclusion, my issues with the Sherlock fandom have nothing to do with cringe culture and everything to do with the reprehensible way some fans have behaved.

#Replies #Anon #anti tjlc

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bforbookslut · 7 years

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Review: I Believe in a Thing Called Love by Maurene Goo

I have given this book ☆☆☆. 325 pages. It belongs to the Young Adult Contemporary genre. Farrar, Straus & Giroux published it. It was published 30th May 2017. I would recommend it to anyone who loves quirky heroines and light, fluffy contemporary young adult romances.

The blurb reads: “Desi Lee believes anything is possible if you have a plan. That’s how she became student body president. Varsity soccer star. And it’s how she’ll get into Stanford. But—she’s never had a boyfriend. In fact, she’s a disaster at romance, a clumsy, stammering humiliation magnet whose botched attempts at flirting have become legendary with her friends. So when the hottest human specimen to have ever lived walks into her life one day, Desi decides to tackle her flirting failures with the same zest she’s applied to everything else in her life. She finds guidance in the Korean dramas her father has been obsessively watching for years—where the hapless heroine always seems to end up in the arms of her true love by episode ten. It’s a simple formula, and Desi is a quick study. Armed with her “K Drama Steps to True Love”, Desi goes after the moody, elusive artist Luca Drakos—and boat rescues, love triangles, and staged car crashes ensue. But when the fun and games turn to true feels, Desi finds out that real love is about way more than just drama.”

I apologise that I don’t have any quotes for this review (and therefore, little to no evidence) because I went on vacation with this book and forgot to bring my post it notes.

"But I never lost the belief that you could will something just by sticking to it, by being unwavering. By keeping your eyes on the prize. And by doing that, there was nothing you couldn’t control about your own life.”

Verdict:

I wanted to really love I Believe in a Thing Called Love (IBiaTCL). After all, the MC is a girl of Asian descent (that’s me) who is naturally an overachiever (not exactly me but I can relate), has trouble dating (23 and terribly single with no prospects whatsoever) and loves Korean dramas (also me).

But I’m terribly on the fence with it.

Mostly because Desi Lee is written as such a caricature of K-dramas, ignoring the fact that Korean dramas are incredibly diverse. They have the typical high school romances (that IBiaTCL are most likely based on), crime dramas, soap opera-like dramas, family dramas and the list goes on. Even though Maurene Goo is of Asian descent, IBiaTCL seems to have been written from a very white lens and is as clichéd and predictable as they come.

But, when it comes to the K-dramas of the cheesy, romance variety, clichedness and predictability are at its core. And that’s why IBiaTCL got three stars despite how much I disliked it.

Also, it’s well-written, fast-paced and Desi Lee’s antics are incredibly funny in a what-the-fuck-are-you-doing sort of way. It’s refreshing to see her antics /mostly/ backfire and she has to try and save herself.

In the end, I hoped IBiaTCL had ended differently but ah, well.

[contains spoilers]

The Bad:

This gets a little rant-y.

There’s so much incredulity with Desi Lee that she seems like an almost unrealistic MC. Aside from the ridiculous name (which is attributed to her parents’ love for Desi Arnaz of I Love Lucy fame).

Desi is an overachiever who knows all there is to about cars, is a sports star, class president and all around know it all.

To top it off, she’s got super dooper good-looking best friends

and boo-hoo, she’s the least good-looking one

and she gets picked on because she’s an annoying know-it-all.

Yet, Desi thinks she’s super friendly and nice and that everyone likes her.

And she’s super obsessive, she stalks her crush and manufactures moments to bump into him and make him fall in love with her.

Let’s also not forget that there’s the oh-so-cliched female rival who hates Desi’s guts because of something Desi didn’t even know she was doing.

Oh, and the cherry on top of the cake, is that the guy falls immediately for her.

On the other hand, I can’t ignore the fact that since IBiaTCL is heavily influenced by K-dramas, these sort of things are pretty much standard in a K-drama plot. The heroine is unrealistically beautiful and everything seems to fall in her lap, yet, she’s branded as the outcast and the weird one, and in Desi’s case, a world-class nerd.

In K-dramas, no matter how ridiculous it sounds, the heroine goes out of her way to manipulate her love interest to fall in love with her. Even in a most recent drama, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, a university student pretty much sacrifices a lot of her life’s hopes and dreams to make her love interest fall in love with her, lying about who she is and such. Although, I will say that it’s mostly in high school drama romances that this sort of thing happens because romances with adults are less, for lack of a better word, ridiculous.

But it’s just such a cringe-y rendition of how K-dramas can be used to fall in love that makes reading IBiaTCL such a troublesome read.

My big overarching issue with IBiaTCL is how much YA and society has progressed today but instead, this book sort of regresses.

For one, Desi Lee is the smartest, most accomplished girl in school. Instead of using her wits and her smarts, she throws all her intelligence out the window to chase this useless boy who couldn’t even see how much she’s worth. She’s not in the Art Club and immediately, he casts her out. Like, wtv, if you can’t see how smart I am and what a great female president I would be in ten years, bye felicia. But no, Desi Lee sees the hottest thing to cross her path and give her a little attention and she latches on.

Secondly, there’s just so much female rivalry in the book that I’m like, aren’t we already past this? YA can do better, babes. Violet who is in the Art Club, insanely pretty, also Korean and also vying for Luca’s affection is portrayed as an incredibly catty, petty and vindictive woman. And oh, it’s revealed later Violet and Desi used to know each other but Desi moved on and left the church and play school and shit and forgot about Violet which is so fucking normal. She was a kid when it happened, did Violet expect her to remember for the rest of her lives? I avoid people I know in primary school. It’s fucking normal unless you go up to her and introduce yourself????

Not to mention, Desi is contrasted directly against Lucas ex-girlfriend, Emily, who’s like insanely beautiful and model like and ruined Luca’s life by letting him get arrested for her graffiti and then completely discarding him and putting him aside. But Luca gets angry when Emily wants to commemorate their relationship by putting in on social media and says:

“You just reminded me how it’s never been about me, or how you feel about me. How it’s about manipulating your image, what it looks like to everyone else. How I can never tell what’s real.”

Yeah, damn straight. Manipulating. Even Desi realises it.

But oh, yay, congrats because Luca forgives her in the end for being fucking manipulative and almost risking his life. Because she even manufactured a car accident a la Descendants of the Sun but without the precarious cliff-dangling.

But I think the worst part about IBiaTCL is that Desi was ready to give up a life of Stanford and gloriousness for fucking love. She was a definite shoo-in for the off-Ivy League institution, hell, I would give my arm and my leg to study at Stanford but she throws it all away to drive halfway across the country for Luca????? That’s a stupid ass decision right there.

And it’s the most unrealistic thing. Girls, please never ever throw away your hopes and your dreams for some stupid boy who couldn’t even appreciate you for all your smarts and wits in the first place. He’s not worth it. He’s only in it for the sex.

And speaking of useless boys, why couldn’t we have an Asian love interest??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? WHY WAS DESI SO OBSESSED WITH THIS BOY WHOSE HERITAGE IS NOT ASIAN AND I’M NOT GOING TO ASSUME THAT HE’S LATINX??????????????????????????? She can clearly call him Won Bin (who, by the way, is not at all the standard of male handsomeness or even at the top of the desired K-actor list). Why couldn’t Maurene Goo have given us an Asian love interest? This brings to mind the whole why are brown men so obsessed with white women on screen thing and makes me wonder if it’s the same thing here.

The Good:

One of the good things about IBiaTCL is definitely the portrayal of Korean American home life. I am neither and I can’t speak about how authentic or realistic it is but it’s nice to have these sort of experiences in YA. It’s nicer to have them explained and discussed as opposed to Jenny Han’s To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before where Korean American home life is touched on very briefly.

Although, it’s interesting that in both these books with Korean American protagonists, the mother is not present and instead, the father has to raise a daughter. But then again, even in K-dramas, this seems to be a theme.

Another thing I thought was a nice touch is that in writing IBiaTCL, Maurene Goo consulted the moderators of dramabeans.com which I would go as far to say, is the leading source of drama recaps. My sister uses it. My friends use it. I don’t lol mostly because I prefer watching my dramas as opposed to reading them. So, on the topic of K-dramas, this book is in good hands.

In conclusion, K-dramas thrive on being extremely unrealistic, as do romantic comedies. Why should I expect this book to be any different?

#book review #young adult #i believe in a thing called love #maurene goo #booklr #young adult contemporary

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ralphmorgan-blog1 · 6 years

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21 Memes That’ll Definitely Make You Feel Better About Being Single In 2017

It’s almost a wrap for 2017, which means it’s that time of year where we all stop and take stock of where we are in life. If it just so happens you're ending the year without having gotten all coupled up with someone... well, so freaking what? Yes, love is amazing and finding your perfect partner would be great, but being single AF is totally underrated. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you come and go as you please. Plus, the memes about being single are just way better anyway. So, at least to you can laugh through the tears.

Who knows what 2018 holds? Maybe it’s the year you find your forever bae, but until then, you’re among an elite group who can unapologetically spend a weekend watching every episode of on Netflix again, hook up with anyone — or no one — and pass on everyone else's drama. When you think about it, the single life really is amazing. That's not to say there isn't anything funny about it. In fact, some of my favorite memes are about embracing the awkward side of single life, because let’s be honest, it can also be hella awkward to be the last person without a plus-one. But that's what makes it so meme-worthy, right?

Here are 21 of the past year’s best memes about being single AF that are so true, they’re funny — but they also just maybe sting a little bit, in a good way. Let's all laugh and cry together.

1. When Being Single Might Mean You’ve Actually Got Super Powers

I finally know what is wrong with me! 🤣 #happyfriday #happydays #singlelife #happiness #superhero #whatswrongwithme

— (@crissirei) #

2. When You’re Single AF And Feeling Sexy AF

FridayFeeling Single af https://t.co/P0DuBMSxw7

— (@primetheband) #

TBH, I'm about two cocktails away from being this woman on the daily.

3. When You Didn’t Need The Internet To Tell You Who You Are

Tbh, I'll prob still take the quiz anyways though #singleaf #BuzzFeed

— (@lolaeffingbunny) #

Yes! Lean into being single. There is power in giving zero f*cks!

4. When It’s Time To Embrace That Single Life Stereotype

https://t.co/EQfn8HYOaD

— (@singleaf_mfc) #

Sounds like my kind of Friday night, to be honest.

5. When You Realized Being Single Meant You Didn’t Owe Anyone Anything

nope. just remembered I'm single af, this is none of my business, and I'm too sick to care real proper this time. going back to sleep like... https://t.co/EOMvQJPlgf

— (@miritesfazion) #

Your life, your choices!

6. When You Never Let Them See You Cry

When you don't need to answer 2 am texts from your girl because you're still single

— (@therealreliantx) #

No partner, no problem.

7. When You Were Doing Recon On Future Bae And It Went Your Way

When you're stalking your man that ain't really your man and he's still single https://t.co/SzwelzmjQ0

— (@libaenais) #

Be thankful for the little things, right?

8. When Our Single Queen Appeared And Went Viral

my family's Christmas card this year lmao

— (@cantseawright) #

Not all heroes wear capes. Some just hold signs that show they DGAF about being single.

9. When Being Single Worked To Your Advantage

When WhatsApp is down but you didn't even notice because your single af https://t.co/jX47xeyiSe

— (@dancinontops) #

Texting is overrated anyway.

10. When You Realized You Don’t Need No Man

Are you single & ready to mingle? If so, don't wait around & be single af... just grow a boyfriend yourself! 😂

— (@rad_cris_) #

This is one way to do it.

11. When Your Single Status Turned The World Into Thirsty Avengers

When she says she is single... #SingleAF #InfinityWars

— (@aqil_excalibur) #

*insert GIF from number two in response*

12. When You Just DGAF

Single af for a reason

— (@pariskealohi) #

Naps for president.

13. When You Realized You Loved The Most

@dinahjane97 Single af😩 https://t.co/2Ub8QaOuDc

— (@shilpa_bhabhor) #

Why get a bae when you've got yourself?

14. When You Just Cringed At The Realness Of This

This is a brand new realisation for me. I LOVE IT! Where did they even go before...? #single #SingleAF #singlelife

— (@30nsingleaf) #

This is so real, it hurts.

15. When You Got Your Relational Priorities Straight

I'm super happy with these three relationships, and they all get along swimmingly ❤️ #single #singlelife

— (@amandamae04) #

One question... where is pizza in this scenario?

16. When You Got To Spend Your Day Only Doing What You Wanted

😂😂😂 💯 Always knew I was a Sam! #ImThatFriend #singlelife

— (@sj_g_) #

Honestly, the dream.

17. When You Realized You Prefer The #SingleLife…

Some days I'm like I want somebody while other days I'm like I'm good #cravings #singlelife https://t.co/94r8VLAhON

— (@casanovalove) #

It's hard enough taking care of yourself.

18. …Because Everyone Else Out There Is A Hard Pass

singlelife #dating #lifegoals #SinglesDay https://t.co/7fwKtjPlNT

— (@meetballs1) #

Who knew the was so real?

19. When It Was Still Awkward AF Every Time Someone Asked You About Your Relationship Status

— (@minlons) #

Brace yourself: The holidays are coming, and I think "banana" is a totally legit answer to questions about your love life.

20. For When You Stopped Being Afraid To Ask For Exactly What You Needed

http://t.co/ERxqcEl6we #Longdistance #relationship #relationshipmeme #relationshipmemes #fridge #funny #funnyme...

— (@lipsappdating) #

Never be afraid to go after what you really want, ladies.

21. When You Realized You Can Rely On Yourself

The only person you need to depend on is yourself! #single #singlelife #quotes

— (@secure_single) #

Because, duh, of course you can.

Yes, it can be awkward, and occasionally lonely, when all your friends and family (and seemingly every stranger you see, too) are cuffed up and you are still a swinging single, but you won't always be. So don't sweat it. Just enjoy your freedom now, because who knows if 2018 is when you end up locking it down with someone.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!

More From this publisher : HERE ; This post was curated using : TrendingTraffic

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