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chrissturnsgirlll222 · 4 months

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second, never first

part one | part two | part three | part four

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - underage drinking, throwing up, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol and yes i am 18) currently not proofread or written with pristine punctuation

word count - 2500+?? (i know its long but i had a bunch of ideas for the beginning)

this is also my first story so pls be kind :) also just wanted to mention that i wouldn’t have the courage to write and post if it werent for other writers on this app so i would just like to tag and thank a few accounts who inspired me to write<3

@lovingmattysposts @flowerxbunnie @strniohoeee @lacysturniolo @strawberrysturniolo @flynnriderishot @stuniolobbg

for as long as i could remember, being the second option was all i knew. just always being the backup, never the go to.

this constant course of events led to my passion of reading and writing, pretty much consuming myself with content or sources that provided me with a sense of belonging, or just putting myself into a different reality.

i always had been drawn to romance. its a un-comforting comfort for me, if that makes sense. i love reading about it and watching movies about it but love just seemed so out of reach. im sure many people feel this way but i just believe there are certain people in the world that just go through life without any sort of romantic experiences. now while that may be true i also think thats just something i made up in my head to comfort myself from the fact that i have never had a single romantic experience, ever. i mean im 17 years old and havent even had my first kiss. hell i havent even held hands with a boy.

that of course all changed during my senior year.

“oh my god look at what cody sent me” anna says.

anna is my best friend, though at times she felt like my biggest competition. she is everything im not. constantly talking to boys, what people consider ‘boy pretty’, very out going and popular. the fun one.

i look over at her phone to see a text from one of the many boys shes talked to in the past year “i thought you guys were done?” i say

“yeah were not talking like that anymore but i still talk to him here and there” she says

“i dont know if thats the best idea, i mean if you guys keep talking hes probably going to get the wrong impression”

“your such a buzz kill sometimes” she says slightly annoyed. i stay silent. I might sound like a complete bitch here but when your friend is constantly talking or complaining about guy, a, b and c you eventually get bored and exhausted of hearing about it, I try my hardest to be understanding when she brings up guys, but I’m apparently never supportive enough to her standards. I suppose she wants me to be there and give her advice but what do I have to offer to that conversation?

we were driving through the school parking lot to park in our usual spot next to chris.

chris is, well complicated. ive known him since 7th grade and hated him up until about 3 months ago when senior year started. the friendship started off with him just parking next to my car everyday and him just pestering me all the time but the longer we kept parking together, the more we grew to enjoy our casual conversations.

we both roll down our windows.

“morning” i say waving at him, anna does the same “hey, i wanna skip first block if you guys are down” he says “you know i would never say to to that” anna says “ehh i dont know about today i have a bio project i need to work on and didnt getting the planning sheet so i should probably head in” i say

“alright, anna come on i wanna get mcdonalds” chris says tapping on his passenger seat.

“looks like its just us this morning! y/n me and chris can just go get food and ill bring you back something for lunch” anna says turning to me.

“ill see you guys at lunch” i say grabbing my bag and locking my car doors as anna gets in to chris’ car and they drive off.

if you havent caught the weird passive tone from anna, thats how she was. no matter how much i tried she always had to be the centre of attention . i honestly dont even think she does it on purpose. i love her and she is my best friend but i just find her insufferable at times, its just who she is. chris is a great friend to me but i always caught the vibe that chris liked anna or at least thought she was hot. which is also why i think he treats her with more respect than me.

now when i said we grew to like eachother i left out a slight detail.

even though i hated chris for most of high school for the way he treated me and constantly teased me, i couldnt help myself from starring at him from time to time as he talked or even looking at his hands. not only was he visually pleasing he could be really sweet and the conversations we shared were really meaningful at times. was he attractive, yes. was he a complete asshole to me for years and still hasnt apologized, yes. did i completely fall head over heels for him when he began to show me his nice side, sadly yes.

its so cliche but i fell for my “bully” so to speak. i hated myself for it but what i hated even more was how much i let my feelings for him effect how i saw myself even more as the second option. if it came down to it and me anna and him were the only people in the world he would still fuck anna before he even though about kissing me.

i know that i might only feel this way towards him simply because hes the only male thats shown me any attention at all. though it hasnt always been positive or romantic it was still something that i had never experienced from a male before.

like i said, second option.

i finish up my final class and head out to my car and wait for anna who is doing god knows what considering i drive her home everyday after school. while waiting for anna, chris gets into his car and starts it to heat up as it is the beginning of winter. i watch what hes doing through his car window as he scrolls on his phone for a sec and then storms into the backseat of my car, always the backseat.

my head whips around to look at him and he looks annoyed. “why do you look mad” i say. “look at what this bitch said to me” he says leaning up to the middle console shoving his phone in my face and i read texts from a girl hes talking to.

friday 3:14pm

alice: chris i cant keep talking to you

chris: what do you mean

alice: i mean that i cant keep talking to you what were doing is messing with my head and i dont want to be a victim of one of your fuck and dumps

chris: im sure i have many other girls who would kill to be in your position

alice: then go have them i dont want to be apart of your sick and twisted hookups

“ok wow” i say my eyes wide “i didnt even know you were talking to alice”

“well now you do, and im not anymore apparently” he says throwing his arms up as he sinks in to the middle seat. “we have been fucking since the halloween party, remember when i kissed her infront of you?” he says in a duh tone.

ah yes halloween. the night i went home crying after said kiss was shared infront of my face.

“yes i remember” i say blankly.

“we were supposed to hangout tonight but she decided to blow me off, i was ready to get my dick wet but i guess ill just have to be fucking boring alone” he says as i make a disgusted face.

“well i dont know what to te-“ i was cut off by anna coming into the car.

“ok sorry i took so long but i was just getting the details for a party tonight!” she says out of breath. chris sits up at the news, “maybe i will get my dick wet then.” he says smirking and jokingly raising his eyebrows.

“what? alice blew you off already.” anna says turning to chris. i dont bother questioning why anna knew and i didnt because im sure i know answer.

“yep and im scoring tonight.” he says fake punching the air as me and anna giggle.

anna and i finished getting ready at her place, her wearing jeans and a hot pink tank top and me in black jeans and a white long sleeve crop top. i stare at myself in the mirror when i hear annas phone go off with a text from chris.

friday 10:27pm

chris: here

“anna! chris is here!” i yell grabbing my phone and my drinks for the night from my bag and start making my way downstairs as i hear her close behind me. i tie up my shoes as i hear her grab her drinks from her fridge and say bye her parents. i wave goodbye to her parents as well and we make our way out to chris’ car.

upon entering were greeted by matt, chris’ brother in the passenger seat.

“hey matt i didnt know you were coming out tonight!” i say smiling at him as loud music blasts from chris’ speakers.

“yeah nicks also going so i just tagged along, plus i need to drive you guys home since chris is drinking tonight.” he says lightly punching chris in the arm. “oh yeah, speaking of nick where is he?” i say. “nicks already there he came with his friends.” i nod in response and sit back starting to chug down one of my drinks. i may be a buzz kill in annas eyes but i knew how to party and loved drinking with my friends.

matt is chris’ triplet brother along with nick. i never really got to know his brothers all that well, i just know that matt has become a lot more comfortable around me and anna as we have started to spend more time with chris.

once we arrive to the party me and anna walk around to see whos there and we meet up with some of our other friends. i can see chris from across the room laughing and talking to nick and matt.

the night goes on and i finish my fourth cooler of the night and head out to the car to grab another. when i step outside the cool air hits me and i instantly regret the 2 shots of tequila i had on top of the fruity coolers i had throughout the night. shivering and rubbing my arms i continue walking to chris’ car to sit down for a sec and when i reach the backseat i see chris’ naked back and steamy windows. i take a step back once i realize whats happening.

i knew he was going to end up fucking someone tonight since thats what he said his plan was but i did not need to fucking see it. hes not mine for the taking obviously, but seeing him constantly with girls just hurt.

i turn around to walk back into the house but suddenly feel sick to my stomach. i hunch over and throw up in the middle of the road. i cough and collapse to my knees continuing to gag as strings of spit come out of my mouth. i hear a car door shut behind me as i try to stand up wiping my mouth. i feel arms grab my waist and pick me up bridal style and thats the last thing i remember before everything went black.

i wake up in a car with the same clothes on from the party, still drunk, my hair crispy and the smell of cologne. i look around me and realize its chris’ backseat im laying in but its still pitch black out.

i hear faint voices outside and the door my head is resting on swings open and my head flys back.

“holy shit chris are you trying to kill her” i hear matts voice. “shut up, i didn’t know you put her head there.” chris says as he starts pulling me out of the car.

“chris” i say quietly. “holy shit your awake” he says leaving me to sit up. “yeah i am, what happened. i think i- blacked out.” i say slurring my words.

“well i was in the middle of getting with summer-“ he says getting on his knees to talk to me better “and i just heard gagging outside the car and it was bothering me and i looked outside the car and you were bent over on the middle of the road throwing up. i just grabbed you and told summer to fuck off and put you in the car while i grabbed matt and anna.”

“oh my god” i say as i nod off.

“woah woah stay with us here, chris lets get her inside now” matt says placing my head back up.

“where is anna?” i question.

“we had to drop her home and bring you to our house since she said her parents couldn’t see you like this.”

“of course” i say

classic anna.

“what time is it?” i ask rubbing my eyes.

“2:44am” chris grunts taking me out of the car.

“ok lets get you inside” chris says pulling me up to stand. “you think you can walk inside?” he says still holding me up. “ill try.”

he lets go of me and i slowly make it up to the front of their house but start wobbling once i reach the steps and feel both matt and chris grab either side of me and help me up to the front door. matt holds on to my arm as he uses the house key to get inside and i walk in.

they walk me over to the living room couch and i slump over resting my head on the arm rest of the couch.

“where is she going to sleep?” matt says. “my room obviously.” chris says as i smile to myself.

“come on y/n” he says picking me up again and bringing me to his room to lay on his bed. “im gonna give you clothes to change into since yours are covered in vomit.” he says opening drawers. i nod my head as my eyes close.

he tosses me a big white shirt with some graphic designing on it “can you dress yourself or-“ i cut him off “yea- yeah i got it” i say sitting up right and hiccup.

he turns around so i can change into the shirt. i begin taking my long sleeve off and i get one arm off before i get stuck. “chris, help” i say quietly and he turns around to see me with my arms slouched and my eyes closed. he rushes over “lift up your arms” he says pulling my hands up. i hold them up as he grabs the hem of my shirt and slowly pulls up. i admire chris as he pulls off the shirt completely throwing my shirt across the room all while being careful not to look at me.

he grabs his shirt and places it gently over my head and then threading my arms through the shirt. “wait” he says walking over to his closet, grabbing a pair of his sweatpants and walking over to me with them. i sit there with my eyes closed smiling as i had thought about the scenario of him taking my clothes off many times, just not the me being so drunk i cant dress myself part.

he takes my jeans off and helps me in to his sweatpants still being respectful and not starring at my body. “ill be right back just sit here im going to get you water and an advil.” he say as he walks out of the room. i just sit there, my eyes still closed, still smiling and nod at his sentence.

i lay back down on his bed and wait as i hear him rushing upstairs talking to matt and nick before walking back in to the room sitting down at the end of his bed. “sit snd open up.” i obliged to his words before he places two advils on my tongue.

“im going to fill up your mouth with water so don’t breathe.” he says opening up a water bottle and slowly pouring some in to my mouth while my head tilts upwards slightly. he watches me with concern as i swallow the water.

“please never get drunk like this ever again, you really freaked everyone out kid.” he says. i don’t respond and nod at his words.

kid, the all too familiar nickname chris gave me. it always made me feel weird when he called me this as if he was an authority figure or something.

i lay back down on his bed and close my eyes and quickly drift off to sleep. the last thing i remember from that night is him crawling in to his bed next to me and turning off his light.

“goodnight kid”

thank you for reading!!!

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo edit #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x y/n

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judegossip · 15 days

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hi, im the anon that mentioned i had tea on jude. btw im going to mention stuff that happened back in 2021 and 2022 even though it was 3/2 years ago. also, im not going to mention any of the girls names or their insta since this is really private and not much people know about it

so back in 2021 whilst daisy and jude were dating, jude was secretly talking to another girl from birmingham that hes known since he was in secondary. daisy never knew this nor did she know her. ive seen people on here mention that he would like other ggirls pictures whilst them two were dating and yes, its true, jude never took the relationship that seriously it was only in the beginning. daisy came from a wealthy family who had more money than judes family at that time. she was a private school girl and 1 year older than jude, jude always found her attractive and thought she was out of his league. i cant really remember how they started talking but it was back in 2019 and they both ended up dating. now im just gonna skip to the part where he moves to dortmund, so jude moves to germany and obviously it is more harder for them two to see eachother because of long distance, covid restrictions and, her starting uni. now in 2021 thats when jude became a bit weird during the relationship like i said liking ig girls pictures. the girl that jude was secretly talking with was a girl the same age as him, really pretty girl and she was private aswell. when jude would come back to birmingham they would often meet up and yes they both had sex together at her house. the girl felt bad for daisy and would tell jude to just break up with her but he also felt bad and didnt know how to break up with her. the only reason why jude got with daisy was to feel superior amongst his friends, yes he did find her attractive but he was still young and naive and did not take the relationship that serious. the girl from birmingham has never went to dortmund to visit jude only because of his mum who had no idea what was going on

in august 2021, jude invited the girl and 2 of her friends to go out clubbing with him and toby. one of the girls friend posted a video on her private story but in the back you can see jude and the girl hugging, one of the followers from the private story sent the video to daisy. i cant really remember what happened after that but they broke up for nearly 2 weeks and ended up getting back together. i still dont know how they got back together because ive never been told that. now with that girl from birmingham, she completely cut off jude because she felt bad about the entire situation and claimed that she isnt that kind of girl to be with a guy that has a girlfriend ( she still fucked him so i dont get what was the point in telliing people that loollll ) jude found a way to message her and asked her why she blocked him on everywhere. she just told him that she felt bad for daisy and didnt want to do all of that behind her back. he was telling her that he was going to break up with her soon, but she just told him that she didnt want to be with or speak to him again. i think that was the last time theyve ever spoken

now in new years, whilst jude was in dubai he broke up with daisy over the phone, daisy was shocked because it was a bit random and why would he would break up with her over call and not face to face. the reason why they broke up was like i said jude didnt take the relationship seriously, long distance, she was busy with school and, he was busy with football they just never had time for eachother. also the fact that he wanted to explore new options and be able to hook up with other girls without having a girlfriend back home to worry about.

the thing that happened back in 2022 i will come back on here tommorow and talk about all of it since that is a long story aswell

So Jude cheated on daisy aswell whilst he was dating her? Wtf.

#jb anon

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gamergirlshelby · 1 month

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alright this is a theory that i've had in mind for a while but im finally gonna go into the details of it since i am once again thinking about this amazing game again.

i first want to note however that this will be going into MAJOR MAJOR spoilers for Pokemon Rejuvenation, a game that I recommend extremely highly to anyone who is into fangames so please check it out, the level of detail and quality thats been put into it still amazes me and i am very excited and patiently waiting for the next update to be ready!

i'll also be taking screenshots from Dred's videos showcasing the content, so i recommend checking out their channel.

anyways without further ado, the theory will be under the readmore.

My theory will be going into the idea that the Paragon and Renegade routes are connected, and the idea that the Interceptors from each route are working on getting the best possible ending for at least one of them.

And this idea all came to mind from this line said by the player:

Now my theory is the They that the Renegade Interceptor (will shorten to RI for brevity) is the Paragon Interceptor (will shorten to PI) and their timeline.

The RI knows that what they're doing is for not, as they will be erased, but there is still a version of the world and all their friends that gets to live on.

But the question is, how exactly are the two helping one another? By giving the other the tools that are needed to accomplish their goals. The RI had built the Red Chain, and the PI along with Melia created the Obliteration Spell or the End of Night.

And the way Melia talks about the creation of the spell mentions that it had been necessary, likely being necessary for the plan with the RI. And after re-watching the entire Renegade Karma files, there is no scene or dialogue that implies the RI had created a version of the spell to use, especially not while working with M2, who goes on to question what the heck the spell even is, deducing that it is total annihilation.

sorry for the red lines i'll retype the quote from M2 here: "You spent all of the time gathering those Red Games. And after all that time crafting the red chain you just decided to yeet it into space?"

But the thing is the chain wasn't just yeeted into space. It was delivered somewhere.

And that somewhere I think is the Paragon timeline. As similarly to the End of Night, the Red Chain is never crafted in the Paragon timeline, but it is still used to restrain Tiempa. And I have a hunch that the Lake Guardians are loosely aware of what the interceptors have done as if you go to find and catch them in the Paragon route, they hop out of the small rifts as they did in Renegade, and all have this text:

Now why would the PI steal the red gem components from the Lake Guardians? Its shown in PLA that if you pass their trials normally you would be able to get the pieces gifted to you so why would they not do that off screen? Its cause they weren't even the ones to take the red gems. It was the RI.

And in my opinion is the dialogue from the failed world segments, but I will be taking special note of what Karma says during the Renegade section.

I will be dissecting the whole dialogue which I have linked to in Dred's video which I will be linking to the timestamp here (if it didn't work the conversation starts at 37:48 and goes on to around 39:03)

"But to be confined through the laws of space and time... This is not possible. I will break these rules. We will move forward." This quote at the end I think is the smoking gun. Karma in an attempt to start again and create the perfect base for the true happy ending had caused there to be a connection between time and space, allowing for the two interceptors to connect. I think that this rewind might have been the initial timeline before Paragon Melia took the place of M2 in the Failed World, and after the rewind happened M2 had been moved to the Renegade timeline, allowing for Paragon Melia to more easily take her place, come up with a plan with the host for the Interceptor, and create the happy ending.

Now I speculate that Karma and the supposed World Shatterer will likely play as a final sort of threat to the story after the Xen Raid and how the Rejuv Team handles that will definitely be something I'm looking forward too.

If anyone has any possible supplementary information or ideas I'd love to hear them and I'd be happy to hear about anyone's other theories about what could be going on in the story. Anyways thank you for reading this long long theory post and again I'd love to hear thoughts on it!

#pokemon rejuvenation #13.5 spoilers #pokemon rejuvenation spoilers

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cock-holliday · 7 months

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hey not rly a question just saying i appreciate your 2cents on things generally. i am a gnc transfem but am really a boy more than anything so someone looking out for those of us who arent palettably feminine is rly cool of you. a lot of the stuff you mentioned in your long post just now hits at some of the stuff thats making me feel uneasy around some of my transfem friends. i fear if i was fully myself i wouldnt be accepted. i hate to feel too queer for fellow queers, but. but yea anyway most of the time ive known i was trans most of my friends had actually been trans guys so when i hear this anti transmasc rhetoric going around it makes me rly uncomfortable im sick of the idea that trans guys have it easy. its not true and not fair do you fear being not accepted by others like you too? is this normal? idk. i didnt feel this when i came out 5 years ago this is new to me

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that, and I can relate. Essentially I came out as a binary trans person a decade ago and raced to transition as quickly as possible (it was not fast, it was slow and frustrating) and when I finally got there then I had to endure Gender Crisis 2 where I realized I wasn’t this binary gender either.

It was very difficult to sort out. Did I just not feel special enough as Gender 2? Was I faking this whole time and was really just cis? Was I detransitioning? It took a lot to figure out what I wanted, how I wanted to be seen, and to grapple with the idea that it will continue to fluctuate.

I am masc but do not consider myself a man. Boy, maybe. Do I see myself as a woman? Also no. Girl, maybe. But a masculine girl. I think my boyness is more feminine than my girlness…but still both…butch.

I am trans but not a trans woman or a trans man. While figuring myself out in round two I flirted with transmasc/transfemme as labels, but neither fit better than the other. Or maybe neither fit. I know some use transfemmemasc but idk that I like it for me. I use trans women’s shaving tips. I use trans men’s voice training tips. There are members of both camps who wouldn’t consider me one of them.

I currently work a full-time job. I cannot present or fluctuate in my presentation when I want to. We have gendered locker rooms, gendered bathrooms, my ID badge has a photo that doesn’t look like me. I think a lot about that post that’s like “I might be nonbinary but I have a job so I can’t worry about that right now.” Only, I already know I am nonbinary. I’ve already been out to a lot of people IRL. How do you put that cat back in the bag? Can you? If I was allowed to present how I want now and everyone was cool…will they still be understanding when it swings back the other way? I don’t want that sort of pressure at work.

I am lucky I have a partner who understands and likes my presentation—and spectrum of it. I have trans friends who understand or try to understand, and genderweird friends who get it. It is a bit isolating—how everything is split into one camp or another. Things I supposedly couldn’t relate to I do, things I am not meant to have experienced (or acknowledge I experience) are not welcome topics in trans discourse.

It is difficult! There are huge Boy v Girl (but make it progressive) pissing contests on tumblr and it’s very irritating how deep the anger goes. Carve room for yourself and you’re accused of belonging to the other camp, as if it really even is ‘the other’ camp, it’s the same fucking camp.

I started to identify with the word butch only in the last few years, and because my gender exploration had taken me back to the trans folks of yore. They were brash and bold and contradictory and I liked that! It made me yearn for vague labels and defiant privacy while also being unabashedly authentic! Then I learned that it still exists. It’s small, and got pushed to the fringes, sure. But I’ve only had access to the books and zines and tales of the genderweird from the internet, and to hear it resonate with so many others proves to me we’re still out there.

It’s very tough to want to be true to yourself when there is a constant pressure to conform to something. It’s doubly tough when that pressure comes from other trans people. But finding more and more people who live this way and feel this way makes me feel surer in my choice to just loudly be what I am, fuck the rest, whenever I can.

I cannot always look how I want or be seen how I want, so the spaces where I do have control I refuse to be anything other than what I am 110%

I really hope you can find more and more space that lets you exist in the grey. I hope your friends become more accepting. In the meantime and hopefully continuously in tandem—you are not alone in this experience and others out there understand what it’s like. ❤️

#ask #anon ask

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anyydidi · 2 years

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Yeah, so i need to talk about my AUs more. That being said, i recently thought of a new one im so in love with.

Basically our dear villain Eggman kidnaps our beloved Tails, because “yeah, that little brat makes my life miserable, lets brainwash him and use him as a lab assistant.” yknow the trope,,

Why did he simply not kidnap Sonic since he makes Eggys life even more miserable? Easy, Tails is way easier to capture and two geniuses on his side is way better than one.

But of course, something backfires and Egghead can try all he wants, but Tails just wont listen and behave. So he dumps him somewhere far from Sonics last known location so he doesnt get back that fast.

And not long after that, Sonic finds Eggman and demands his little brother back. And what? Sonic doesnt know that Tails is free yet? Eggy needs to take advantage of that! “oh dear Sonic! Your little sidekick is dead! Couldnt handle one of my experiments, such a shame. He had a lot of potential.”

And Sonic does not believe him, but he does get mad and his rage probably results in Eggman dying lol. (I thought about him going Dark or smt, but im not sure about that. Eggman does eventually die not long after though).

But we know that Tails is alive, so why hasnt he got back yet?! Well, what Eggman didnt know was that his brainwashing DID kind of work and he got some kind of amnesia, where he forgot basically everything (except some pieces there and there). Plus since Eggman’s goal was for Tails to forget he is Tails and that he had some connection to Sonic, he absolutely REFUSES to acknowledge he might be that genius inventor. He gets all mad and crazy when someone mentions he does look a lot like his old self. That’s why Sonic or anyone else cannot find him. He made himself a completely new persona and avoids his old one at all costs.

He does eventually (dont know after how long yet tho) reunite with Sonic and his old friends, because he is a VERY complicated person. The after effects of the brainwashing include him having some kind of urges and impulses to cause chaos. He robs a bank, committes some kind of arson or property damage etc, but he ALSO stays true to his morals and old beliefs and helps others a lot. Like fighting with some villages against the new villain (something like Tangle before she met Sonic and comp.), or generally fixing other people’s stuff (thats why hes still not in prison, because all his bad doings are forgiven for his good ones).

So he does something bad, gets arrested and for some reason, Amy is at the police station and is like “wtf ur Tails omg?? We have been searching for u for years??” but of course, Tails refuses, so she calls Sonic and hes all like “jesus amy i told u to give it up, hes dead and- woah he fr is Tails.” and Tails STILL does not believe them, so they tell him that because he did something bad, he needs to help them on their new mission so he doesnt have to go to jail and he agrees.

Sonic and others then pretend to think hes not Tails so he doesnt get, how i said “mad and crazy”, until they stumble upon Eggmans old recordings of his experiments on Tails and he FINALLY gets his memories back.

They then of course need to work on getting all the brainwashing from Tails’ head, because it cant just ✨disappear✨, but he does get better eventually.

Oh and do NOT get me started on how Sonic is through all of this. The only thing you need to know for now is that he gets EXTREME separation anxiety after finally finding Tails, and gets overprotective af even tho he tries to hide it.

This took me mf 30 minutes to write. I have no idea how i did that.

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driflew · 11 months

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i acknowledge that it is actually Wednesday and not sunday, but at the time my reminder notification went off i was in “the horror genre part of the woods” (description from a friend) for a photography project so i was not able to do the thing

anyway, six fun facts about heliography 2!

1. i have had the zombie thing written for. months. it’s one of my fave bits of lamplight world building and ive just been SITTING on it. god im so glad that is out you have no idea

2. i said in the authors note i gave Martyn an épée bc thats what i use and this is true but the full truth is that it would be... not ideal in an actual fight. it’s dueling weapon and not a battle weapon. however this is my fic and my rules so it’s basically fine

that said here’s a convo from discord abt my choice to give him an épée that still makes me laugh

my other fun fact is the line about the bell guard being dented being a bad thing is the funniest to me personally bc that’s just... it just happens to bell guards. it doesnt make it a damaged or bad weapon the way the fic implies. my bell guards are all fucked. every time ive bought a new weapon the other ppl in my weapon have immediately looked at the still-reflective guard and commented it was too shiny and they were going to change that

3. there were so many ways the middle of this chapter could have went.... i had like 100000 fucking ideas that i came up with and scrapped due to not being quite right or disliking how the pacing of the overall fic felt by having too much or too little. deciding to combine the food scene and the river scene saved my life

4. honestly the whole reason i mentioned Martyn used to have a lute was bc i just. i know. in my heart of fucking hearts. if that man ever encounters lamplight--something that is possible due to cherri cherrifire rooting on my downfall constantly--that the first thing he is going to say is gonna be some shit like “paladin? i would definitely be a bard” and regardless of whether or not that is a valid assessment it IS going to make me scream like a godamn banshee. so. canonical acknowledgement. he just swapped classes alright

5. dont actually know if those zombies were dogwarts’ citizens. i didnt decide while writing it, i went back and forth between citizens and adventurers who fell victim to the watchers and decided to leave it vague. i do enjoy everything ive heard ppl say about them tho

6. the river scene is from a joke from the old lamplight gc between me, haunted, and three other friends. it’s like.... november old. week one or two of the fic existing old. i have been sitting on that stupid thing for so long. i am so fucking glad it’s free

#six sentence sunday #lamplight au #traffic smp

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ed89 · 2 years

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analysing the fuck out of byler rn (this took like 3 hours and also was done on google docs sorry for the random ass punctuation and grammar inconsistencies)

first we are gonna touch on the Byer’s phone line always being used so Mike only gets to call Will sometimes. But from what Dustin said, Mike was complaining about it constantly. We also know that Mike and El spoke through letters and the radio because of the government listening in on phone calls (and El is supposed to be dead). So Mike and Will’s primary way to communicate is via phone calls, but Mike was unable to reach Will most of the time.

Let’s just hammer in this very important piece of the puzzle: Will believes Mike is deeply in love with El.

Will thinks Mike is not calling and ignoring him because he’s more focused on El. He believes Mike just doesn’t care about their friendship anymore. However, because of this, Will also didn’t try calling Mike. This creates distance and tension between the two, but they also are completely unaware of the actual issue at hand...

...thats a mega miscommunication moment. Now it’s also Mike who thinks Will is ignoring him. The difference is, Will doesnt have a significant other to be focused on. Mike just thinks Will is ignoring him or pushing him away (Will mentions “el” (he’s talking about his own actions but under the guise of El) pushing mike away in the van scene. But i’ll talk about this in the van scene part). This makes Mike act passive aggressive. Not only does he ignore Will at Rink o Mania, he picks a fight with him too

When Will says “Oh no” when El is with Angela, Mike immediately stands up beside him. He has no idea that angela is picking on el. The reason he stands up SO QUICKLY is because hes alone with Will and Will said something. Look at mikes face after will says ‘oh no’. Like……… ??????

The rink o mania fight (going to tie this to the van scene)

“You should have told me she was having trouble”

“I didnt know she was lying to you.”

Being a douche and ruining an entire day out apparently entails “rolling your eyes, moping and barely talking”. Not the fact his gf just got publicly harassed and is now unable to be found. Mike is focused on Will, the guy he was “ignoring” all day. He had his attention on Will the entire time instead of El. HE NOTICED HIM ROLL HIS EYES???? BRUH

“Shes being lying to you all day” “i feel like a total third wheel”

“What about us?” Will does not mean this romantically. He thinks Mike is in love with El. He has absolutely zero idea that Mike likes him back.

Mike, however, takes this romantically. We can see it in his face, the soft expression even though they were just fighting.

“We’re friends! We’re friends.”

“We used to be best friends”

Which is true. These two were inseparable

“Maybe you should have reached out more, i dont know. Why is this on me? Why am i the bad guy?” this line hurts because he isn’t the bad guy. He’s having his own issues and he also thought Will was ignoring him out of spite

Now, the first bit tells Will that Mike wanted Will to reach out more, but Will still isnt aware that Mike was trying to call him. A lot.

OKAY mike and el fight now

Mike made her eggos. He sits on her bed (parallels with that byler scene in dear billy).

“So, um, are we just gonna not talk about it?” he says this kinda rudely tbh

Mike doesnt understand why El is lying to him

El says shes different and does not belong

Also this whole fight scene??? Hes so insincere. He doesnt know how to comfort her. He also cant take the blame or admit that he doesnt love her. “I care for you.” Hes not trying to be malicious, hes just stupid

“You dont love me anymore?”

“Who said that I didnt?” YOU DID MICHAEL

“You never say it”

“I say it” NO THE FUCK YOU DONT BRO???

“You’re being ridiculous” no shes not

“You’re the most incredible person in the world” He cant say that she’s a woman. I dont think he ever has

“You cant let these mouthbreathers ruin you, ruin us” im guessing hes talking about the bullies, but… um, they didnt cause any of this. How is that related to being able to tell your gf that you love her. Bruh??? Explain??

“You’re a superhero” she hates that. And he says it again in the monologue. She doesn’t like being called that

Ok on to dear billy

“If you keep staring at that, it’s not going to change”

Mike CRUMPLES the letter and throws it IN THE TRASH. Yeah so…..they arent coming back from that fight. Im pretty sure at this point on, mike fully believes that him and el are over and the next time he sees her, they are going to break up. This is important, as it explains some of mike’s actions and words later on

Will sits next to him. Mike has a gay panic

“Me and el had a bad fight. This one felt adult. Felt more real. Like its a fight you cant come back from (a break up). Maybe i should have said something. Maybe if i had said that thing (i love you), she would want me there with her”

“We’re going to find her, and whatever you didnt say, you can say it to her then”

Mike is still having a gay moment. Bro is mesmerized. Now here comes the flirty part

“Shes going to be ok. Shes not in hawkins, thats what we should be worried about”

“You dont trust owens?”

“That was you guys who saved me. You guys.” AND MIKE LOOKS SO SMUGGGG ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!@?@#!@!&#@ even will’s reaction is sus. They are gay

“Look like its going to be up to us again” hes not looking at will here. I also think hes flirting here too. He looks back once will replies,

“It always is, isnt it?” and then michael has that big ass grin after a little chuckle. Homosexual

In will’s eyes, this is him fixing mike and el’s relationship. He doesnt know the real reason why they were fighting. To him, the words “i love you” are just “something mike didnt say to her during the fight”. Perhaps he just thinks its an apology that mike needs to say

But he didnt fix their relationship, because the issue is much bigger than some random thing Mike didnt say. Because its not a random thing. Hes not in love with her. Will thinks Mike is in love with her, and Mike still thinks him and el are probably going to breakup

NEXT BYLER SCENE!!!!

may i mention and yes ive already said this on tumblr but mike thinks his relationship with el is pretty much over. and then he goes and starts flirting with will… gay!

Mike enters. He closes the door behind him this time. Probably because he starts FLIRTING RIGHT OFF THE BAT

He checks out will and licks his lips like ok

“Thanks, by the way. (“for what?”) For knocking some sense into me, i mean, i was being a total self pitying idiot”

Self-pity: ‘When you feel sorry for yourself, or overly sad about the difficulties you face’. His self-pitying was being ignored by Will and acting like it was the end of the world

“I didnt say it” SLY SMIRK

“You didnt have to” FLIRTING!!!!! WILL BLUSHES AND TURNS AWAY

Then mike is like ‘ok stop flirting go back to what u originally wanted to say’ and he shakes his head and talks in a different tone…

“About the last two days..” the airport scene, ignoring will at rink o mania and fighting with him, and then mike staring at the letter in the last byler scene.

“You dont have to say anything. I was being a total jerk to El, i deserved it”

“No, no, you didnt deserve anything.” mike is saying will didnt deserve to be ignored and yelled at by mike. Mike knows hes in the wrong, but he couldnt admit he was in the wrong when he was fighting with el? okay!

Now Mike has Will’s attention,

“It’s hawkins. It’s not the same without you. And I feel like maybe I was worrying too much about El and.. i dont know, maybe i feel like i lost you or something. Does that make sense?”

In the script, it tells us that it makes total sense to will. He feels the exact same way that Mike does. Mike feels the exact same way that Will does, and we know that Will loves Mike. do u see where im getting at

“I have no idea whats going to happen next” hes either talking about his relationship with El or the actual events occurring (the upside down, reaching el, etc)

Mike and Will lock eyes

Mike is trying to fix what had been damaged since they were separated a year ago. He wants them to work as a team, and be best friends again, since they had been accidently avoiding one another

Ah… episode 5. The on top of the car scene where they are literally talking about confessing to each other. No, they arent actually just talking about argyle and the agent dude not saying the number. Mike is talking about the fight with el again, saying he should have explained himself, and then maybe El would have taken him with her and things would be different, but he didn’t know what to say.

He did know what to say. “I love you”. But he didnt, because he doesnt love her

Then Will starts talking about confessing feelings, “Sometimes I think its just scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel. Especially to the people you care about the most.”

The camera is on Mike now. His expression is soft and hes watching Will intently

“What if they dont like the truth?” Mike looks down and nods. Ah, the truth. And whats the truth? That Mike doesn’t love El. Hes too scared to tell her the truth. Maybe hes too scared to admit the truth to himself, too

Their moment is seized by argyle speaking

Every moment from here to ep 8 isnt any deep or intimate conversations so ill ignore them

AND NOW

THE VAN SCENE. Which is exactly why i rewatched every other scene so i could link them to whats being said. Here goes

Will brings up El and going to Vegas with her to use her powers to win money. He’s also saying it excitedly, which is mentioned in the script. This is when hes being lit with sunlight like a disco ball, and when Mike is looking at him like hes the most beautiful boy hes ever seen

Then Will mentions playing D&D and Nintendo for the rest of their lives. A direct callback to their fight in s3 that hasnt been brought up SINCE it happened. Makes sense for them to finally mention it

But thats why Mike’s mood changes. The motive behind the vibe change is the fight being brought up. Will thinks it's because he was being childish and made it awkward, and he also thinks it's because of El (which is why he starts talking about her again, but more on that in a bit).

Will believes Mike loves El. Mike and Will’s fight was because of Mike spending too much time with El and ignoring Will and the rest of the party (because Mike was trying to get rid of his gay thoughts). Mike is the one who brings up playing games together for the rest of their lives. And then Will, always having loved Mike, says “Yeah. I guess I did.” ouch

Will isnt going to think Mike is upset because of the garage fight. But of course Mike is upset about it, because Mike is gay too. Mike regrets the fight. he regretted it WHEN the fight happened!!

So will brings up el again because he must be upset about el, right?

“We’re gonna make it, mike. Shes going to be okay”

[nervously] “Yeah, i know. I know she is.” He wasn’t worrying about El being in trouble, which is what will thinks the issue is

[contemplatively] “but what if after all this is over, she doesn’t need me anymore?”

We’ve been over this before.

Will is always trying to fix his and El’s relationship. Why would they break up if they are both in love? In jonathan’s bedroom, he tried fixing their relationship: “Whatever you didnt say then, you can say after we save her.” but its not that easy, because Mike literally cannot say “i love you”, and he definitely can’t say it in a genuine way, either

So yes. They have been over this before, and will can’t seem to understand why Mike needs to keep talking about it because ‘isnt it just something you want to say to her?’

Mike’s rant is pretty just him saying that him and el are going to breakup because they didn’t meet because of ‘fate’ or ‘destiny’ and theres no greater reason for them to stay together or be in love. No higher power has told them to be in love. Hes just some nerd that got lucky that superman came to his aid when he lost Will.

his rant, at its core, is mike trying to convince will that him and el arent working out, and that mike might not love her anymore, or maybe never did. he wants will to agree with him, but he doesn't, because will thinks mike loves el. hes not going to try and sabotage their relationship because he respects them both

also mike is sus af for regarding himself as lois lane (a woman) and his GIRLFRIEND as superman (A MAN)

Will doesn’t get what Mike is saying. He doesn’t understand what the issue is because he wouldn't think Mike doesn't love El. i mean, mike hasn't actually shown any disinterest in El to other characters. we only know hes queer because we see private moments between el and mike and how not in love he acts and how IN LOVE he acts with will. mike is TRYING to admit he doesn't love el but will misunderstands completely

Mike sees Will’s reaction and immediately apologises

Then we have “You’re scared of losing her.” i think we should all know by now that its MIKE who was talking about losing will in the dear billy scene. And ive always thought that in this part, when will said that, mike wasn’t thinking of el. He was thinking of will. The way they are looking at each other here… why would they both react like that when will is talking about mike’s girlfriend? Perhaps its because MIKE ISNT THINKING ABOUT EL

They lock eyes. A BEAT; then: Mike nods

he’s scared of losing Will. but he goes along with what will is saying, because hes too scared to actually continue with the confession he was originally going to make. He wasnt expecting will to say that, was he? He must have had more to say, but then will changed the subject

When Will lies about the painting, not only is it the first time he ever lies to mike, but it creates that miscommunication again. They dont understand what the other is saying

(Will tries to get what Mike is saying) and (Now its Mike who doesn’t get it)

These ones are the killers. We know exactly what Will is talking about during his confession. He’s confessing his feelings under the guise of El. Mike doesn’t get that Will is talking about himself!

But if Will didnt get what mike was trying to say then mike wasn't actually "scared of losing her", bringing me back to my point about his rant: He was trying to admit he didn’t love El and he was under the impression that he was going to inevitably break up with her. They aren’t meant for each other, they aren’t fate or destiny.

Mike doesn’t get it, though. He really does believe Will is talking about El’s feelings. I mean, that is what will was trying to do, anyway; fix mike and el’s relationship. but mike is in love with will, and mike feels the exact same way that will does (Mike also feels different, hes been ostracized and bullied, he’s scared of losing will), so it makes sense that Will's speech gives Mike the desire to try and salvage his relationship with El. Mike doesnt fully comprehend his falling out of love with El, obviously. His attempt to fix everything with a shitty monologue backfires when it fails miserably. His monologue wasnt genuine because he doesnt love her. Will gave Mike his feelings, not El’s. and mike and will are soulmates , so yes, hes going to think that the relationship advice is going to solve everything, and will even brought up points mike didnt think about! and now hes like damn ok will doesn't like me and maybe i could make it work with el

ok now im just ranting sorry

ive also forgot to touch on something i mentioned before so ill add it now. in the coded confession, will says "if she was mean to you, or she seemed like she was pushing you away-". im sure its obvious but el HASNT been pushing mike away. mike may have picked up on this and thought 'wait, something is off' because he kinda did have that expression?? but alas his thoughts were Stolen so idk. but mike felt like will was pushing him away, did he not? they both felt like the other was pushing away and creating distance. that's why mike regarded himself as a "self-pitying idiot" because he was feeling sorry for himself because will was ignoring him. so yes, its possible mike picked up on this, because el wasn't pushing mike away, but mike thought will was pushing him away. not sure if that means anything but i wanted to bring it up

anyway. here are my final points

Will fully believes Mike loves El

Mike thinks he's just some nerd that got lucky that superman came to his aid when he lost Will

Mike is scared of losing Will

They both feel the exact same way toward each other

Mike didn’t get that Will wasn’t talking about El during his coded confession

Will didn’t get that Mike wasn’t talking about losing El during his weird, coded rant

#byler #byler analysis #im clinically insane bc of gays #Studying gay people

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antisocialxconstruct · 1 year

Note

IM PUTTING IN MY TWO CENTS HERE because I think the entire conversation about why people choose certain potions and routes within non-linear choice based game,s, or any game that provides some level of illusion of choice. I remember talking about this extensively in my Psychology class for Game Design, and though of course theres a multitude of reasoning, I think what peoples idea of fantasy or even coping is largely at play. I know one of your thoughts on playing questionable or morally challenging characters is because you already conform to a societal expectation to "be nice" or an upstanding citizen, and Honestly thats super understandable! Im not here to analyze anyone, but a good chunk of other people I talk to have some sort of revenge fantasy and I dont mean that in a bad way! Rebellion to rules that plague reality and the ability to let lose, or just an interest in consequences for your playthrough that dont actually affect you is another reasoning, albeit the rarer of the two options. On the otherhand, as someone who loves to make The Most Morally Good Characters, and is also a big baby when it comes to being mean in most video games, My "revenge fantasy" IS being nice, because we are all forced to tiptoe around the same sociteal expectations but even those on the other side dont have much power in helping people on a larger scale that video games allow! To be The Hero that helps as many people as possible, that has to power to fundamentally change the world for the better, that is a unrealistic reward of its own. And I know you also mentioned briefly how you see it as limiting, and I think to some people this might ring true of them allowing themselves to cave and actually enjoy the "morally questionable" decision making, however I think for the other half its not limiting? Its Highly Rewarding. Theres also something to mention in how Linear people are themselves, its much more common to hear about people replaying one exact route despite there being 100000s choices vs those who do every route imaginable, so the more likely someone is to lean one side esp in their initial playthrough, the less likely they are to want to go the other way. I HOPE THIS DOESNT COME OFF AS LIKE...A REBUTTAL, Its not! I think this is a genuinely facinating phenomenon that ive had to think and write about in school, theres so many layers to it Id love to discuss and love to HEAR discusssed so youre so smart for actually starting that poll bc Ive been enjoying searching through the replies of it

hfdsgfsdg Javi your enthusiasm is a TREASURE it most definitely does not come off like a rebuttal. And I think your points are really cogent and in line with what I've kinda been angling at, which is that they're two sides of the same coin of "indulging in a fantasy." And it probably makes me a bit of a hypocrite that I'm like "I just don't get why other people can't see the appeal of Doing Bad Things as an escapist fantasy!" even though I would also say with my whole chest that being the big damn hero who saves everyone and changes the world for the better holds absolutely zero appeal to me LOL It is truly just a matter of taste.

It's probably beyond the scope of a tumblr poll but I feel like an interesting follow-up re: people not choosing to behave badly in games, would be to ask people why. Like there's the obvious "it's usually not written as well/doesn't let you have the full game experience" reason which is valid, but of the remainder I wonder how many people would honestly say it's just not fun to be mean, and how many would admit that it makes them uncomfortable because they still feel the need to conform to societal standards even in their fantasy world. (I feel like this reads as me passing a judgment on either stance and I'm not! Just thinking out loud. In text.)

also lmao

Oh man I forgot to touch upon this in my initial ask BUT tldr; yes I think games that present themselves as choice based and yet lean heavily towards one morality (usually the good Guys) and dont give second thoughts to the other side, defeats the purpose of allowing players to play how they want. I think this is actually why the only game I like being morally questionable in is fnv, bc both "choices" actually present interesting outcomes. Theres also something to say how in games the good side rewards more which I think is stupid.

You are SOOOO CORRECT I think whenever I'm like "I think I just need to spend like 60 hours or so being completely feral" FNV is the first place I go.

#long post #ask #entering--hyperspace #rpg morality #rom speaks

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spricket-central · 1 year

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heya! i suppose i better start out with a sort of intro/background post.

my apartment gets a lot of greenhouse camel crickets in it. its far from an infestation, but theyve been common visitors for years. i grew pretty fond of the little guys, and maybe a couple months ago i began toying with the idea of catching a few of them to keep as pets.

this happened suddenly on december 6th 2022 when i found crouton, my first and youngest spricket (short for "spider cricket," another name for camel crickets). i wasnt prepared with supplies yet, so i had to keep him in a badly mangled plastic tupperware for the night until i could go shopping the next day.

here's a picture of him investigating his new home!

crouton is VERY shy compared to my other sprickets, so its hard to get pictures of him. this is still one of the clearest pictures of him i have.

heres one more of crouton, demonstrating his small size.

if youve ever seen a greenhouse camel cricket before, you probably know just how big these guys get. crouton is about 1/4 - 1/3 of the size of an adult. as of writing he still hasnt molted yet while in my care, but im excited to watch him grow!

on december 11th, i was unexpectedly graced by the presence of two more sprickets, biscuit (male) and cookie (female).

heres a picture of them together in Gay Baby Jail (the small enclosure i put my sprickets in while i clean their tanks).

you can tell the two apart by the presence of an "ovipositor" on cookies rear. it looks like a big "stick." some mistake it for a stinger, as greenhouse camel crickets have a very large, slightly curved ovipositor, but its a harmless organ they use to deposit their eggs into the soil.

both were adults, and i was nervous about keeping the two with crouton because of his size, so i went out and bought a second tank for crouton to live in. hes been doing well!

biscuit and cookie ended up mating, and cookie laid a LOT of eggs.

i have no plans to start a colony, so i froze the eggs and the soil they were in for 48 hours before discarding them. i ended up regretting this decision though; cookie ended up dying only a day or two later (december 27th), presumably from age combined with the enormous effort needed to lay this many eggs in about 24 hours. i wish i had kept a few to hatch, but alas, the eggs were already dead.

i was hoping to find another female tankmate for crouton, and last night (december 30th) my wish came true.

enter, peanut!

i believe shes an adult, but if shes not shes likely close to it, as shes only the tiiiiiniest bit smaller than biscuit.

shes missing one of her jumping legs, so im extra happy to have been given the chance to take her in. i think biscuit likes her, ahaha. i cant be sure, but i believe ive observed him attempting to court her a couple of times? he would turn his back to her and start wiggling his butt rapidly while doing what looked like a little jig with his jumping legs.

peanut was not having it, and just walked away. damn girl thats cold 🤘😔

id be remiss to not take a moment to talk about biscuit on his own for a little, because he is QUITE the character, ahaha. hes so animated. ive loved bugs all my life, but i never anticipated one could have such a big personality!

...this is the 2nd time hes managed to do this.

i think thats about everything i can think of for now? i have adhd, so theres a good chance im forgetting several things i wanted to mention, but my attention span cant last any longer, so I'll end this post for now.

im looking forward to spending more time with these guys and learning more about them, and im excited to see what 2023 will bring!

#insects #crickets #camel cricket #pet bugs #crouton #biscuit #cookie #peanut #spricket #rhaphidophoridae #intro #pics #reproduction

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red-dyed-sarumane · 2 years

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totsukuni no shoujo worked really well for me from every point like the creature designs are very interesting the pacing gives u a reason to care about the charas bonds without getting bored with it it handles its themes well & i love that the strongest bond isnt a romantic type of love and its still undeniably one of the most important aspects that makes the story work. its got its twists & i never saw them coming yet none of it felt like it was only for shock value. definitely recommend.

spoiler time but

man. just. the lengths they went for each other. teacher doing anything to keep her safe when the whole time there was nothing to keep her safe from. he cant save her from herself. but that he wouldve killed for her, the fact he literally gave his soul for her, gave up the last of what he had. man it really hits. and then that shiva came back and cared got him to return to himself. like it goes both ways. and yet. the whole time there was nothing to protect.

but also the whole. shiva and the kuro no ko are the same. that whole underwater scene. idk. im sleepy i cant say it well but. that like. even if shiva isnt actually the real thing, she exists somwhere inside that kuro no ko(i read in jpn im so sorry idk what eng term is used for it & im not using a literal translation) so in a way. shes still there. theyre the same. but also not. the whole idea of there being truth in falsehoods.

bc im going to be honest with u i thought the twist was going to be like. shiva was actually teacher's kid the whole time & when something happened to his wife she ended up with a random lady so the whole thing about her not actually being related wouldnt have been a lie. then idk i was expecting a reveal like yeah since he was such a good doctor it was proof of his relation to the gods they keep mentioning. and then they hit me with the twist they did & im still like What. but in a good way. from a plot perspective it's interesting i like it but as a reader god. pain.

& i think it handles the whole "one cannot exist without the other" theme pretty well. teachers whole existence as a way of saying not everything ur told is bad is actually bad & the fact most of the creatures seem to be pretty neutral. its true they can spread the curse but that in itself doesnt really make them bad. meanwhile the whole kingdom willing to sacrifice a child for a chance at being saved from something they dont really even understand. neither are true good or bad yet portrayed as dark and light. that theres no clear answer so to speak but the two cant truly be separated.

i feel like this is definitely one of those medias thats going to stay on my mind for a while

#it did what i like in stories & thats give me a reason to care about the charas #only to end up crying for the whole last book and a half bc of it #entirely serious i really do recommend totsukuni no shoujo/the girl from the other side #ESPECIALLY if u like creatures. VERY good creature designs #the whale has to be my fave design. its neat. theyre all neat tho.#im tired & i dont remember a single word ive typed here time to hit the post button

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blackvail22 · 9 months

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9/18/23 -- 10:46pm

i dont remember if i told you this, but my least favorite coworker gave me their number on thursday. it gave me the ick in the moment because i really dont like them (for a number of reasons), but i now feel like ive been an asshole and that i should text them.

here are a few reasons why i dont like them:

actively supports things that i cannot (blue lives matter)

favorite artists are racist and support white supremacy

...this one i have to thoroughly explain

and look, i want to believe that we can seperate the art from the artist, but when the artist makes music about the problematic things they support (aka white supremacy) or has the stars and bars flag on their guitar, i dont think.... i dont think we can separate those two lol. and i also want to believe them about having DID, i do, but i have done so much research about DID and they really do not ever switch. i mean, they do switch into a country accent sometimes but its severely watered down and you can tell its.. fake. but also, when i first met them, they told me they did that because they do it when theyre bored. and they told our coworker that they do that because they have DID. sure, they could have it, but i just... i dont know. i cant believe it

i think i only really want to text them because i am feeling lonely and i dont want to be lonely anymore. i hate post-breakup stuff because ive thought about getting with people that i dont even really like that much as well as people i know would be bad for me. hell, ive thought about getting with him for the third time, and SURE -- maybe THIS time he's changed (he hasnt its been a month) but i feel like im rotting on the inside. i feel like im wasting time. i really want someone i could talk to and show my love for.

i cant be in love though; im severely.... clingy. its troubling at times, and i dont like it. there was a time in november of a certain year when i was talking to someone i severely liked, and they told me they had a crush on someone. i went .... insane. obviously, i dont think they knew about it, but i cried for WEEKS. sometimes i would cry so hard and so much that i nearly threw up. i screamed sooo many times out of anger, and i have so many videos and notes rants about it.. here is something i found from that time .. "... we're not fucking dating, but my god, dude, you make me feel like an idiot! ... ugh. i'm fed up, but i'm not gonna go away, and we both know that. fuck. fuck fuckf cufkc hfrsdakhfbaewk;bn"

i said a lot besides that, the most important parts i think, but the general thing i said was "you couldve at least told me you were busy. fuck you for leaving me for some other girl. her and i are probably just objects anyway" and OH MY GOD?>>>>??????> i genuinely dont believe that now, but i was so out of myself then (and almost every time im in love) that it KILLLLLS me

"i think tjis hurts so much because once again, no one will love me enough to see me in their future forever. i mean, youre still special to me, and talking to you is great, but i liked you romantically just because i wanted loved. i loved that feeling that i was chasing, but you ruined it and you crushed me once again. all well."

i love so much and so hard because i want to be loved and i want to feel love back. it makes it so easy for me to fall for someone because of that. it makes it difficult to differentiate the difference between love and the idea of love really easily. it makes me afraid ill never really find the authentic kind of love i long for. not only that, but when someone says they love me and shit and then say that im too much for them or say that im too crazy for them.

when i think back, though, i really do think i was in love with my ex-boyfriend and the person i had a crush on that i mentioned before. i really do think i loved them because i still feel that love i had for them. i was told that true love doesnt go away, and i think thats true.

or maybe its admiration?

i know im so young, but i feel like ive been alive for 1000 years, i swear! i feel like my heart shouldnt be this heavy for my age. nothing feels right anymore, and i try my best to make it feel better...

it feels like nothing workdss

(that took me 40 minutes to write because i kept getting distracted )

0 notes

chaotic-average-child · 1 year

Text

I've had this really old blanket my entire life, like entire life, It is as old as me, if not a little older. I think it was made in like September 2005 when I was born November. It was a baby shower present to my mom, funnily she had gotten two of them, choosing to return one, which later ended up being a choice she told me she regrets because of one little thing... I love that blanket, like it's my only comfort item that if something happened to I'd be horrifyingly distraught. I've joked about if me my sibling and my blanket were in a fire id go for the blanket first then my sibling, (in my defense my sibling can absolutely get out of a house an inanimate object cant and im not saying id abandon them, just that ill find it first then if theyre still there drag them with) ANYWAYS the point is the velveteen rabbit traumatized me as a child because it was one of those books my grandparents read, and actively were like, "see its just like u w ur blanket"... like we didnt all both see the ending of that book. Like yeah the rabbit became real which good for the rabbit, but my blanket isnt a damn rabbit, its a blanket what the fuck is that gonna be if i get sick and suddenly my blanket needs to be burned.

another thing about this blanket I got super paranoid about fires and stuff in my sophomore and start of this year about something happening while i was gone, so to avoid the trouble entirely I just... took it to school with me? lol. Got a bag for it and everything, which, Im 17 I think id die if anyone noticed but the idea of leaving it home was horrifying durring that time. I think it was like a compulsion for a while because it was if i left anywhere durring that time, the mall, the store, school. which for the fucking record my dad didn't notice till like i was almost relaxed and jfc. thats what mostly snapped me from it was my dad asking if i was bringing it with because i didnt want to admit that

I dont know why i wanted to mention this

I keep seeing the velveteen rabbit quote w old plushies and ok i know its not a plushie but this blanket is the most important thing in my life so uhhh

Truthfully I took this thing everywhere when I was like 5, which honestly isn't that bad considering it didn't look like a rag unlike now where it's tattered and stuff

My parents keep telling me to put it in a seal thing to keep it safe but I can't sleep without it.

My mom bought the exact same blanket but not opened and one the difference between them is immense, two it's not the same so I still end up sleeping with the old one... And the new one 😭

It's not like this is my only attachment but I can live if something happens to the other things I'm not that bad of a hoarder 😭 but that blanket in particular is like the one thing I need to live and I'm not over reacting I've thought about what if something happened to it I'd probably kill myself? Um not the most pleasant thing to say but it's kinda true

Things like Dr stone horrify me for the dumb reason of "what about blankie" same w Isekai and reincarnation although that also has the problem of my parents and family who for all their problems I do love and the idea of them dying or being away from me also horrifies me to no end

Same with pets...

I might need a therapist but that's besides the point

0 notes

strawberrymilkgeorge · 3 years

Text

Part Nine. Minecraft Dating 101

warnings: swearing, mostly super freaking fluffy but some oopsies at the end (which is the barely-there angst that i mentioned before!!), pet names?? if that bothers you??? (like...... one or both of them might use baby.........) word count: 5.3k (not including pictures)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: HEHEH SORRY ITS SO LONG SORRY hope you guys like it!!!! hope it lives up to your standards of minecraft dates lol also thank you guys all for all your suggestions!!! i loved all of them so much!!!! i would have added every idea except this was already 5k words so its much less “flirting” and more so “oh gosh im so nervous what am i supposed to do” from both of them so hehe i think thats more endearing anyway

**********

The familiar sound of a FaceTime call connecting rang in Y/n's ears and she held her phone up to her face. "Hi, Karl," she sighed.

"Y/N!!" he said with a cackle. "ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR DATE?!"

"Shut up, I'm doing this for you."

"I already gave you the tour though so really you could back out. You're choosing to stay." His voice was teasing and giddy. "Why's that, hmm?"

Heat rose instantly to Y/n's face. "Because I'm a woman of my word?"

"OkaAaAyy," he sang. "Or because you liiiiikeee himmm."

"Shhhut up, Karl. No, I don't."

"Suuuure."

"Is this why you called me?"

He giggled. "Yeah, but—"

Y/n disconnected the call and set her phone down with a small laugh and a shake of her head.

With her stream started and her chat greeted, the donation limit raised to $100 (both because she didn't want to be flooded with questions on the date and because she didn't want people to donate their hard-earned money), Y/n logged onto Dream's SMP and found the voice call Dream was in, George's name right under his.

After she clicked it to join, a small gasp emitted from her headphones before she heard Dream mutter something. "Get out, get out, leave."

George's voice was normal. "But I wanna—"

"GEORGE!" Dream yelled, making Y/n giggle.

"Fine!" George yelled back. "Have fun you two," he sang like Karl did before a sound from Discord told them that he left.

It was silent for a second before, "Hi."

"Hi." She giggled. "What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Just some last minute, uh, setting up."

She hummed, amused at the sound of his frantic voice.

"So, um... are you ready for our date?"

"I don't even know where you are. I'm still in my house."

"Knock, knock," he said with a laugh. Y/n turned to see green peeking through the cutouts on her oak door and she laughed.

She ran to the door and opened it for him, revealing Dream in a slightly altered version of his Minecraft skin. He looked the same, except the white blob appeared to be wearing a necktie of some sort. "You look ridiculous," she admitted with a smile. "Wait, is this a fancy date? Should I change my skin?"

"It's not fancy, I just wanted to look my best for the prettiest girl in the world."

"Ohmygosh," she muttered to herself, hoping that writing off his charming words and actions as annoying would make her face not heat up as much. So far, it hadn't worked. Two minutes in and she was already blushing like a schoolgirl whose crush asked her to play tag at recess. "So, I'm not underdressed?"

"No, you're always perfect."

She didn't comment, opting for an eye-roll instead. Truthfully, she wanted to flirt back with him, try to make his heart beat fast like hers already was, but she was worried her words wouldn't come off joking and that the true intention would be obvious, that he'd be able to breeze right past the jovial tone and hear the sincerity in her words. Wait, true intention? What was her true intention? Her true intention should obviously be to just joke around and have some fun, but deep down she knew the motivation for teasing him came from somewhere different, somewhere more meaningful.

She wanted to tease him because she wanted to be the one to make him blush, to make him trip over his words and not know what to do with his hands.

Why? Well, she was still figuring that out.

"If you're ready, follow me, ma'am."

"Where are you taking me?" she asked as she followed his character down prime path.

"Hmmm..." he mused. "A secret, obviously."

"Obviously," she scoffed. She noticed that he was several blocks ahead of her and she smiled to herself. "Hey, Dream?"

"Hm?" he asked, spinning to face her as he ran backward.

"I don't know how many dates you've been on, but usually people walk together. You know, gives them an excuse to maybe hold hands or at least enjoy each other's company?" She made sure her voice had just the right balance of teasing and seriousness, curious as to how he would respond.

"I, uh... oh."

"Unless you want me to just meet you there. I mean, you're practically running away from me."

"I'm just excited!" he excused, stopping briefly so she could catch up with him.

"But look at how many beautiful things there around us to look at while we get to where we're going!" she told him. "Well, maybe not that," she said with a laugh as she punched her fist towards Tommy's dirt house. "But other things."

Dream laughed and continued to walk next to her like she requested, pausing if he ever got too far ahead. "How can I look at all those when the most beautiful thing is walking right next to me?"

She's never rolled her eyes so hard in her life. "Shut up," she mumbled as she punched him.

"OW! BUG!"

"That was supposed to be a pat on the arm but Minecraft only has one level of hitting and it's a punch. Sorry."

Dream wheezed briefly before containing his laughter. "This way," he instructed, getting off the path and starting into the woods.

"Oh, really you're trying to kill me. That's why you didn't want me to wear anything nice. Didn't want me to ruin any of my fancy stuff."

"Foiled my plans," he joked lightly. "Okay but really, um, I was thinking—well, so you already have a house but I was thinking we could build one together. Or build something, I don't know. But you're really good at building and I know you really enjoy it so I thought maybe you could show—like, teach me and then later I'll teach you something and then we can have a little picnic dinner."

Y/n smiled at her nervousness. "Hey, that actually sounds really fun!"

"What? What do you mean actually?" He laughed. "What, did you expect me to plan something boring?"

She laughed over his dramatic pouting. "No, but I mean, I didn't know what to expect," she said shyly. "I do have to say, though, I'm not sure what you plan on teaching me. I'm pretty much a master at all possible Minecraft skills, so..."

"Oh, really?" he taunted. "Everything?"

"Mhm," she hummed, her confidence wavering at his smooth voice.

"We'll see about that..."

"Unless you mean you're gonna teach me how to code Minecraft. That's a Minecraft skill I will admit I know nothing about."

"No, no, nothing like that," he said with a laugh.

"Good, save the programming talk for later."

"For laaater, hmmm?" he sang flirtatiously.

"Oh my gosh," she said through a laugh. "You would think that's what I meant."

"Hey, you're the one that said you think it's cute when I talk about coding. Maybe you're into that."

"I was saying it's sweet hearing you talk about stuff you like, you nerd. Why did you immediately think—what, is your idea of dirty talk talking about... like... computer viruses?"

"WhAT?"

"Hey girl, lemme clean out your motherboard," she mocked in a deep voice. "You overclock my processor. Lemme program your, uh—uh...hAHA, nevermind, ew, no."

"BUG?! WHAAAT? What is wrong with you?" His gasps for breath between wheezes made her laugh with him. "Don't ever talk like that again, pleASE."

"I won't, I won't, I'm sorry. Oh my gosh."

"Is that your idea of flirting? You are bad!"

"No, no, no!" She laughed. "I was making fun of you. No, I'm actually really good."

She couldn't stop giggling to herself for a few minutes, embarrassed but also proud of the reaction she got from Dream. She loved hearing him laugh as if he would never stop, it made her heart so happy to hear, especially when she was the one who caused it.

Though she feared her horrible pickup lines, if you could even call them that, were already clipped, ready to be used against her for the rest of her life. Worth it. Probably.

They approached a cleared-out area in the woods and Dream stopped and turned to Y/n. "So, we're here. What should we build?"

"Oh, so now I have to plan? Wow, you are so underprepared," she joked.

"What, no! I originally... I wanted to build a, like, a house together because I didn't— I forgot you made your—your house already and—but since you already have one—"

"We can still build a house," she interrupted with a soft voice. Him fumbling over his words was very endearing but also very confusing. How serious was he taking this bit? Or was he... actually nervous? She was actually nervous but she had reasons to be: a huge live audience to entertain and not ignore, and the weird staticky, itchy feeling in her tummy every time Dream spoke to her. Both valid reasons to be nervous. What was his excuse?

"Really? You wanna build a home together?"

Heat rose to her cheeks at his wording and she hummed. "Mhm. You can be my secret lover I hide in my vacation home. Like a second life kinda deal."

He scoffed. "Oh, now I'm just your side piece, Bug?"

"Nah, you're my main bitch, baby. I just wanna hide you away to keep you for myself because I'm selfish."

There was silence on his end for a few moments, making Y/n's face practically catch fire as she thought about her words. Why did she say that?? How can he flirt all the time but as soon as she says something: dead silence.

"Well.... shhhhhit," he finally mumbled definitively.

"You wanted me to flirt with you, Dream. You literally asked me too!" She laughed, trying to cover up her embarrassment. It had been less than 20 minutes and she already made a fool of herself.

"I did, I did, I just—wow. Come on, that was... I didn't expect you to go from never flirting to calling me baby!"

"Too much?" she bit her lip as she waited for him to explain if it was a good or bad thing.

He paused again. "....no."

She laughed loudly, pulling her hoodie collar up to her face in an attempt to rid herself of the giddiness and heat on her face. Like anyone could see anyway.

"So, a house?"

"A house."

"What kind of house do you think we should build together, Dream?"

"Maybe...." he thought as he ran around the area. "Maybe, like, a log cabin? Since we're in a forest. It's fitting..."

"Very true, very true..." she thought. "I was thinking a castle was more suited for you, king, but a cabin works too."

"Bug!" he yelled, laughter bubbling up in his voice. "What is wrong with you?"

"What?" she said defensively, giggling.

"You're a handful today," he groaned under his breath and she smiled. Though his words said one thing, Y/n could tell he was enjoying her energy.

"So, a dinky, old cabin, or what?"

"Whatever you want to build," he sighed.

"You always this agreeable?"

"Only to you."

"Well, I honestly don't have much practice with building cabins and since I want to show off my skills, I mean, that's the whole point of this, right? For me to impress you with my skills?"

Dream laughed so she continued.

"I think we should build a treehouse."

"A treehouse?"

"Mhm. What do you think? I make a pretty bomb treehouse."

"That sounds awesome!" he agreed. "Oh, and it could go from, like, one tree to another and, like, connect with a bridge! Like, the living room on one and the bedroom on another."

"Yeah, exactly! Okay, it's settled."

"What do we need? What do you want me to do?"

"I'm thinking.... we use cobblestone?"

Dead silent. Literally no noise until a few moments later, ".......Bug. This might be a deal-breaker."

"I'm joooking! You think I'd build something out of cobblestone? Who am I, Tommy? No, what's your favorite wood?"

"Dark oak."

"GOOD. Me too. So.... we need dark oak. Or, wait! Okay, hear me out."

"I'm hearing..." Dream prompted as he pressed A and D on his keyboard back and forth, earning a giggle from Y/n. He character was bouncing left and right is excitement.

"Dark oak planks..." she started.

"Mhm."

"Stone bricks..."

"Go on."

"And green wool for accents."

"Well, now you're just pandering."

"No!" she laughed. "Not, like, lime wool. Green wool. It's close to you but not as... obnoxiously blinding."

"I trust your vision. I'll go get materials."

"Perfect, you're the best, Dweam."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled before laughing. "You pick out a tree you think would be best for the main part."

40 minutes later, they were nowhere near being done. Y/n had shown him how to make a good house layout after he placed the floor in the shape of a square. She had yelled at him for it first, of course. They also had the frame of the walls and one bridge but nothing on the other side of said bridge. Not wanting the stream to last six hours since this was only the first part of the date, Y/n made a suggestion.

"What if...."

"What if what?" Dream asked, pausing to look at her character, who had stopped fixing his mistakes. "Did I mess something up?"

"No, I was just thinking. What if we make this the whole house and do a little garden on the other side of the bridge? Or like a little cute thing."

"A little cute thing?" Dream laughed.

"You know, like a thing," she said, knowing she hadn't clarified anything. "I forgot this is only date one, you can't read my mind yet."

"Oh, so there are gonna be future dates? I thought this was just to pay off your debt?"

She paused, playing with her hoodie strings between her left hand. "Well, I guess we'll see."

Dream laughed. "So, what little cute thing did you want to make?"

"We could put a bench facing the sunset and have some potted flowers and hang lanterns and stuff."

"Oh, like a romantic spot?"

"I guess if you wanna think of it like that."

"Sounds cute," he said. "So, we have to change the layout in here then?"

"Nah, I mean, we can just not add a kitchen, we obviously don't need one anyway."

"True. Then all we need is to put our bed down, right?"

"Beds," Y/n corrected.

"Well, when they're together it looks like one big bed."

"Who said we're putting out beds together?"

"Buuuuggg..." he whined. "Come on... lemme put my bed next to yours."

She giggled again. What was with all the giggling, sheesh. "No. There's plenty of space, put it somewhere else." She placed her white bed down in the corner and went across the bridge to bring her idea to life, or, to Minecraft.

It only took about ten minutes and she finished when Dream spoke again. "I think I'm done."

"I am too! Let's take one final look around." She went back inside and immediately noticed his bed right next to hers. She stared at his character and he laughed.

"Whaaat?" he asked shyly and she just sighed, letting it happen. They took a look around and agreed that it was basically the best treehouse in the entire universe, both in Minecraft and real life.

"Bug, you're so good at building," Dream complimented as he ran around the house. "What's your favorite part?"

"Ummm...." She looked around before deciding on the bridge. "I like how you made the bridge. And I like the little touches you added to it. It's nice."

"Thanks! I think the 'little cute thing' you did is the best part."

"Shut up, I can't stand you," she scoffed. "But thanks."

"Hey, Bug?" Dream asked, leading her back into the house. He faced the two beds placed together and she prepared herself for the worst joke of all time. "Is this where all the programming talk happens?"

"I knew it! I knew you were gonna say that! Shut up!" She punched Dream as he laughed loudly and she couldn't stop smiling. "You're such a nerd. You're so annoying."

"OH! I have an idea, wait here."

***

It had been a solid eight and a half minutes of Y/n waiting for Dream and he showed no signs of returning. He was silent too, so she resorted to saying random things to get him to crack.

"When will my husband return from war?" she joked, her voice laced with sadness and longing.

There was a small suppressed laugh from his mic, but still no words.

"Sometimes I think I can still hear him laughing at me."

He must have gotten reeeaaalll close to his mic, because his next words, the first ones he had spoken in almost ten minutes, were whispered but she felt like he was in her ear. "I'll be home soon, baby."

Once again, she was so glad her chat couldn't see her because she literally shivered and her face was so warm she felt like she was glowing.

For the first time all stream, her eyes betrayed her and she looked at her chat as she pulled her hoodie collar up to her face.

user18: BUGSY BEIN REEEAL QUIET

user4: i think i just passed out

user11: wHAT ON EARTH DREAM ADKXKH

user7: BUGSY ON GOD BE REAL WITH US WTF IS GOING ON RN

user2: hey bestie i cant do this rn

user9: they can't talk to each other like that and say they're just friends pleASE

Also for the first time all stream, someone dared to donate at her limit (which, again, was ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS).

karakatara donated $100 I had to donate bc I just HAD to tell you how cute you and dream are! honestly my favorite couple ever and I was just wondering how long you've been dating??? love you and your videos!!!!!

It was $100. She had to answer it. Meaning, she had to use words after Dream said that like that and she wasn't sure that was physically possible right now.

"Aren't you going to answer?" Dream taunted.

"Wha—what, are you—you stream watching, you weirdo?" she forced out. "Why?"

"I wanted to read your chat, they're really funny."

"I haven't been reading it."

"What, why? They've been so funny this whole time."

"I've been too scared to."

"Too scared? Of what?"

Of the jokes that she wanted to be real? Of seeing something so cute only to break her heart when she remembers it's all a joke? Of seeing someone hate her for being so close to Dream? Many things.

"Of seeing something... that boosts your ego."

"What? Oh, come on. Hey, answer the dono. Someone gave you their hard earned money for that."

"Yeah, wait, chat, I had the limit that high so you DON'T donate! Why on earth would you—"

"You're avoiding the question."

"We aren't actually dating! Not actually a couple!" she said with a laugh, though something in her heart was very much against laughing at that fact. "Obviously not."

"Well, it's only the first date, so, we'll see I guess, but..."

"I cannot stand you. Thank you so much for the dono, though, Karakatara. You're insane for... yeah. Thank you so much." She turned her attention back to Dream. "Actually though are you ever coming back?"

"Yeah, what, I'm almost there. I see the you staring out the window. ."

When he got inside, he dropped a blue cornflower for Y/n and stepped back. "Okay, now, give that to me."

She followed, not understanding. "For you, Dream." She dropped the flower.

"Aw, Bug! That's so kind! Aw! Thank you! Here's a flower for you, too!" He dropped her a red poppy and then put two item frames on the wall above their beds. He put the blue cornflower above his bed and she followed by putting the red one above hers. "Now that's my favorite part of the house."

"You didn't want to use the real ones? What, did you lose my flower or something?"

"Hell no!" he defended loudly. "No, I just don't want someone to steal that one. It's in my enderchest for safe-keeping."

He said it so casually like it was no big deal, but her heart soared. She too had his flower in her enderchest.

"This," she said dramatically with a sigh, "is now a treehome."

***

"I already told you I'm the best PVP player out there."

"Bug, honey, I've seen you play Bedwars. You're trash."

"Hey!" Hehe, honey. Shut up brain.

"But that's okay! I'm here to teach you."

Y/n's character stood across a makeshift battlefield from Dream's, an axe in hand and armor that was definitely donated by DreamXD on her body. "This is kinda sexist of you. Assuming I know how to name a cute house but not fight."

"Oh no, that's not—crap. Bug, I'm only basing this off of your streams, which I watch all the time—"

Once again, he said something so casual and yet it still made her heart skip three beats and once again, she grabbed the collar of her hoodie and pulled it up to hide her face. This thing had to be stretched by now from how often it was yanked on in this stream alone.

"—and don't get me wrong, you're great! But you're also good at a lot of stuff and—"

"Dream!" she giggled out. "I'm teasing. I admit you're much better than me."

"I wouldn't say much better but... it's the only thing I could possibly teach you anything about because you're just so good at Minecraft." His tone was sarcastic at this point but she knew he was meaning what he said.

"Whatever. Come on, Dream, show me how it's done."

He actually had a lot of very useful tips that Y/n otherwise would have never thought about. I guess when you tryhard Minecraft, she thought, you learn a thing or two about pvp. It was a complete joke, but she still kept it to herself.

"I could basically beat anyone now," she said confidently.

"Yeah, basically. Except maybe Technoblade."

"Nah, even him."

"Let's see how good you really are. To the death."

"What?" She laughed. "You're gonna try to kill me on our date?"

"Yeah, scared?" Seconds later, a creeper exploded near Dream and he screeched, jumping back. Y/n lost it. She laughed loudly, clutching her stomach.

"Dr-Dream!" She laughed. "What the hell was that?"

"It scared me!" he argued. "Here, I'll protect you," he offered, running past her and killing a skeleton that was shooting towards her.

"I don't need protecting, especially from you! Besides, if you're trying to kill me, you'd let the mobs get me."

"No," he decided. "No one's allowed to kill my Bug."

She was literally going to explode. "Wh—"

"Only I get to."

"Dream!" she scoffed, running to kill the skeleton first. She succeeded and he pouted.

"Hey—I did more damage than you, you just had the final hit."

"Really? Cause to me it looks like I'm your knight in shining armor."

"Nuh-uh," he spat.

"Dream. F5 right now, you're covered in arrows."

There was a pause. "Oh whatever." He hit her once and that's all it took for them to start fighting, throwing jokes and taunts at each other the whole time, eventually resulting in a satisfying win for her.

Dream was slain by Bugsy

"WHAT?! HOW?"

<Tubbo> i thogt you were on a date <Ranboo> well definitley not anymore <Ranboo> is that canon <JackManifoldTV> WOMEN

"What was that about you being better than me?" Y/n teased.

"Oh, come ON! I still had damage from the skeleton, and besides, I taught you everything you know!"

"That just makes you a very good teacher, Dream," she said sincerely and he paused, probably expecting her to insult him instead of compliment him.

"Yeah, suck up now that you've murdered me."

***

They were finally at their final stop, three hours into the stream. Not too bad on time, though this was probably the longest Minecraft date in the history of Minecraft dates. Also the best, but maybe Y/n was biased.

There was a huge tree, obviously built instead of naturally generated, with lanterns hanging down and lighting areas of the dark world around them. Under that was a checkered pattern of carpet, a single chest in the center with a potted plant sitting next to it.

"The carpet is supposed to look like a, uh, what's it called... picnic blanket?" Dream explained as they approached the scene, clearly not happy with how it turned out. "It looks weird. Nothing compared to the treehouse you built."

"We built," she corrected. "And this looks awesome, Dream," Y/n complimented. "It's is also my favorite colors."

"Yeah, I had some help from Karl on that one."

She leaned back in her chair in real life and pressed her hands to her face. Oh, it was so unfair how cute he was when he was shy like this. She glanced at chat, which only made her face go from the temperature of molten lava to basically the sun. She was going to explode.

She hummed, a little giggle coming out as well. "That's cute."

She sat (crouched) on the picnic blanket (piece of carpet) while Dream put a disc in the jukebox off to the side.

"Is that a Tommy disc?" she giggled and Dream laughed.

"No, no, no, don't worry. There shouldn't be any continuations of wars interrupting our date."

"Shouldn't be," she emphasized, noticing someone approaching them from the distance.

Dream was about to speak when Quackity reached them and quickly joined the voice channel.

"Oh no," Dream sighed. "We've come so far."

"AYYEEE WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?!" Quackity yelled in his Mexican Dream voice, his voice bubbling with laughter. "IS THIS A DATE OR SOMETHING, MAN?"

"Quackity, go AWAY!" Dream ordered, punching the character who had stripped to his underwear. "YOU'RE INDECENT! THERE IS A LADY HERE!"

Y/n laughed, enjoying the scene of fancy Dream hitting naked Quackity away from their picnic dinner.

"I'm your waiter, I'm your waiter!" Quackity said in his normal voice, still laughing. "DREAM! WILL YOU STO— QUIT HITTING ME!"

This had turned chaotic very quickly.

"We don't need a waiter," Dream informed him.

"Then I'm the singing gram you ordered." He started singing a song and Dream groaned. "HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN NEW YORK CITY—"

"No! You're being a clout chaser, go away!"

"I'm honestly impressed we made it this far without anyone coming into the voice channel," Y/n admitted.

"I paid them," Dream joked.

"You did not!" Karl's voice suddenly came through and Y/n laughed. "We were all just being polite and staying away but we're getting bored! We've been so patient!"

"Yeah, hurry up! We wanna play!!!" Sapnap whined. "Dream, it's not fair for you to steal Bugsy from us for so long."

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed with a laugh as Dream laughed along.

"Just ten minutes! Ten more minutes!" Dream bargained but none of them would have it. "Just so I can say goodbye!"

"No!" George insisted. "Right now!"

"Look, wait, wait, hold on—"

"—hold ON!" Dream begged, watching as the three boys ran and joined Quackity by the picnic blanket.

Y/n could not stop laughing at all the avatars around them. The date had been so peaceful and cute but all good things must come to a chaotic end.

"Wait, come on, Karl, Karl, Karl," Dream said quickly. "Come here. Bug, just a sec, please. Stay right there."

"Okay," she agreed, curious to see his plan.

Karl followed him and of course Sapnap couldn't help but also join them.

"Okay," Dream whispered loudly, clearly wanting everyone to hear his offer. He crouched and the other two copied. "Just give me ten minutes—"

"Ten?" Sapnap asked loudly.

"Shhh!!! Yes, ten minutes, to say goodbye and, you know, end the date."

There was a long, thick pause. "What exactly are your intentions with Bugsy Games," Karl asked seriously, matching Dream's whisper.

"Well, I wanna make sure she gets home safe, you know, so I'm gonna drop her off and, I don't know, see if maybe.... maybe she'll give me a hug?"

Karl and Sapnap both gasped dramatically and Y/n giggled, sparing a glance at her chat who were all freaking out.

"What the hell?" Quackity said while laughing. He and George were still standing near Y/n so they were just watching the goons with her.

"Bugsy is not that kind of girl!" Sapnap protested. "You think she's just gonna give you a hug?"

"Sapnap! Do you not know how to whisper???"

George let a loud laugh slip before slapping his hand over his mouth, which his mic picked up.

"Okay, Dream, wait, so you're gonna try to... hug her?" Karl clarified. "She won't even let me hug her. Good luck."

"Well, I'm not going to force her into anything but, I don't know, she said something about holding my hand earlier so I just thought maybe there's a possibility—"

"WHAT?" Karl yelled before going back to the whisper. "Okay, okay, don't panic, but that's huge. Dadnap, a word?"

He and Sapnap broke off from Dream and formed their own huddle, except their whispers were incoherent mumblings that weren't even English.

"Oh my gosh," Y/n groaned loudly, an unmistakable laugh behind her words.

"Okay," Sapnap said, rejoining Dream. "We'll give you five minutes but if you take any longer, we're barging in and killing you."

"Yes, sir!" Dream said. "Thank you, sirs."

"Mhm. Okay, break!"

They all uncrouched in sync before Dream ran back to Y/n.

"How did it go?" she asked as if she didn't hear the entire conversation.

"Bad news," he started. "Your dad's want you home."

"Shame, I was quite enjoying my time."

Dream slowly turned towards the boys as if to glare at them for ending the date before turning back to her. "Then, maybe, I don't know, we could do this again sometime?"

"I.... think I'd like that," she said slowly, trying to tease him.

He giggled and told her he was going to drop her off at her house, even though when the date was over, they were all probably gonna mess around together anyway so there was no point in them leaving the group. But it was the thought that counted.

He ended up taking her back to the treehouse, which warmed her heart. She also noticed when they faced each other at front of the door, she could see the four other boys watching them.

"Goodnight, my sweet Bug," he said poshly.

"Goodnight, Dream." He turned away but she stopped him. "Wait!" She moved to his side and made a loud, MUAH, sound before stepping back in front of him. "A kiss on the cheek," she clarified, not wanting him to think she gave him a real kiss.

"Cute," he said under his breath, almost like he didn't mean to say it out loud. "Night night." He turned away and ran down to the others, screaming the whole way. "GUYS, DID YOU SEE THAT? BUG GAVE ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK!! OMG DID YOU SEE, DID YOU SEE?"

Chat was gonna have a field day with that. Actually, with a lot of things that had happened. Oh, she could see the clips and edits now.... oh boy.

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Taglist: OPEN (at the time) (bold = couldnt tag)

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#rpf #real person fiction #dream x reader #mcty x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #dream x y/n #dreamwastaken x y/n #mcyt x y/n #dream smau #dreamwastaken smau #smau #social media fic #dream social media fic

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technowoah · 3 years

Note

Hi! This is my first time doing a request for a prompt list but can you do prompts 1,34,25 if you can put those in one fanfic, or mini series. Again this is my first time requesting a prompt list thing. If you can’t fit those three in there you can just do 1 of them. If anything I wrote just made sense, sorry if it didn’t. Have a good day!

Rather Be Devisive Then Indecisive...

Thanks for the request! I decided to do Techno cause I need some Techno content here!

Sorry it took so long 😭

C! Techno x gen neutral! Reader (platonic)

1) "I fucking hate you" "please dont say that"

34) "one more chance please?" "You're being greedy"

25) "You're right. You are useless"

⚠︎ swearing, indecisive reader, angst, angst, mentions of weapons, mentions of death, mentions of tnt & explosions, Wilbur's last canon life, sad techno, I didn't proofread, this story is so fucking long-

"Dont you see history repeating itself?!"

You found yourself in a huge predicament right now while standing by Technoblade's side, adorned in netherite armor and weapons. You were facing against the people you used once to love, the people you eere supposed to kill. You hadn't seen Tommy's face so distraught in quite some time.

Everyone thought you were the traitor, you lost the trust of the people you once sided with and loved. You couldnt stand to see the pain Tommy had in his eyes and the betrayal Tubbo showed. It wasn't true, from what you heard it wasn't true.

You didn't just appear on Technoblade's side one day, it was a tough ride to follow. The beginning of your journey had you looking desperately for a place to be, a home. You were lost in the huge kingdom with huge monuments and different types of people.

Then came L'Manburg. A place where you could be free, at least they sold it like that. You had met Tommy and Tubbo while on the Prime Path and immediately asked about their blue war coats and they immediately introduced you to L'Manburg. You were accepted a while later, meeting the citizens and making connections with all of them.

Then came Manburg and Pogtopia which led you here next to Technoblade as he went on about replacing tyrant with another. You were always on Technoblade's side ever since he joined Pogtopia. All it took was constant literature sessions and talks about politics and you were on board with his ideals and his hate for government.

You were apart of L'Manburg before Pogtopia and Technoblade had changed your mind on government he made you see everything through a different lense and that lense was beautiful and clear. You adapted his ways of thinking quickly and became "one of his personal favorites" as he would say.

Technoblade set off a firework explosion and everyone screamed and scattered, that was the "go" you ended up attacking somone else that wasn't a close friend of yours. You were trying not to attack anyone, this wasnt your style. Yes, Techno had taught you fighting styles and how to become stronger but you didn't want to fight who you considered your family.

You eventually found yourself on a hill looking over the explosions and swords swinging in the gleaming sun. People below were looking in your direction quickly then heading back into battle wondering why there werent any fireworks hot from above, but you couldnt do it. You just couldn't bring yourself to soot the crossbow that was hanging on your hip. Techno kept looking up towards you as you looked back towards him in distraught.

Everyone was yelling until Dream had spoken up.

"You know who the trader was Tommy? Tommy the traitor was Wilbur."

No it couldn't be.

"No! Technoblade killed Tubbo and Y/N left us behind, they're the traitors!" Tommy exclaimed in confusion.

Your mind couldn't make up anything at the moment, was Wilbur the real traitor instead of everyone thinking it was you? Everyone was questioning if Dream was right or not, but you were so into your own mind you didn't hear that one faint scream that lead to many others.

The ground started shaking like a earthquake was about to happen and then the ground started to break apart and explode revealing the huge amounts of TNT that was placed under the stone and dirt. You felt uneasy as smoke, and debris flew from the ground and up into the air. You heard screams of agony who were caugh in the explosion, screams of anguish who witnessed the explosion and screams of joy.

Emotions flew through you like blood. This wasnt what was supposed to happen was is? You were a citezen of L'Manburg before a citizen of Pogtopia and this was the worst thing you have ever seen. The sky turned dark and grey, the place you used to call home is gone and the person who destroyed your home was the one who built it.

"Wilbur?!" You screamed as you saw him and Philza staning next to what looked like a man made cave in the hill.

Everyone else followed your line of sight and saw Wilbur standing next to Philza talking to him. Philza had a sword in his hand and what is seemed like arguing with Wilbur as well. Everything seemed so chaotic you didnt know what to focus on, Wilbur and Philza, Dream inevitably sneaking away, or Technoblade's glare at you from a top a building. You couldn't bring yourself to face Techno right now. Technoblade was a source of comfort for you, but at this moment you had no where to turn.

The straw that broke the camel's back was seeing Philza kill Wilbur. He pierced the sword through his heart and as Wilbur's legs couldn't hold himself up anymore Philza hugged his son and fell down to the ground with him hugging him in his last moments as everyone below screamed at Philza.

Your vision became blurry as tears welled up in your eyes. Everything was gone. You had nothing left to go back, no home, no Wilbur. It seemed like Tommy and Tubbo didn't want you back in their lives so it seemed hopeless. Falling to your knees you cradled your face in your hand trying to block out all of the commotion outside.

L'Manburg was like a home you always wanted but never had. They were like family and you grew too attached. You loved them like brothers and a sister. You loved them you grew attached to them as well, especially to Wilbur because you looked up to him as a leader and he took you under his wing when you had no where to go, he cared for you like a big brother. Tommy and Tubbo were also another two you grew too attached to because of Tommy's impulsiveness and Tubbo's attention to detail and caring for others.

After the fall of L'Manburg Technoblade had to make everything worse.

He had looked towards you one last time before getting into position.

"Are you just gonna sit there!? We have a job to do!" Techno said while unsheathing a sword.

"Isn't the job done already?!" You yelled back still sat on the hill.

Techno started to laugh. "Barely!"

He jumped down from the building and into some rubble underneath him and you followed him down the hill. Techno had brung out soul sand and began placing it on the ground with wither skeleton skulls in his hands. You walked over to him and he handed you a skeleton skull, you reluctantly took it out of his hands and you saw him smirk at your compliance.

Tommy began walking towards Techno and you in a fiery rage ready to fight him. He couldn't get straight to him because of a small gap the explosion made. Tommy was trying to keep everyone on that side, safe. Dream and Punz jumped over the gap and joined both you and Techno by the soul sand.

"Stop this right now Techno!"

"You stay over there Tommy!"

The two bickered back and forth until they eventually died down and Technoblade spoke up over the talking and yelling coming from the side Tommy was on.

"Tommy, do you think you're a hero? Is that what this is?" Techno said while letting his guard down for a moment and put his crossbow down.

"I just- I just wanted L'Manburg!" Tommy exclaimed back clearly confused.

You werent a stranger to Technoblade's speeches you were a fan of them really, but not when its against someone you would consider a brother.

Technoblade spoke up over Tommy. "You wanted power.

"I wanted L'Manburg, thats all I ever wanted. I wanted..." Tommy stopped talking for a moment, like he was thinking.

"Tommy you just did a coup! You just did a hostile government takeover and then immediately instilled yourself as president." Techno explained to him in a more serious voice than before.

"And then you gave it to your friend, but that still a tyrant Tommy!"

"But the thing about his world Tommy, is that good things dont happen to heros. Let me tell you a story Tommy. A story of a man called Theseus."

Technoblade had taught you about Greek literature and how they could be compared to people in the kingdom today. He so happened to find correlations between Tommy and Theseus at this moment.

You were still anxiously waiting for Technoblade's long speech to end so you could get this heartbreak over with. The need to cry more never became more apparent until now, the need ro run away and never come back but you wanted to listen.

"His country was endagered and he sent himself forward into enemie lines, he slayed the minotaur and saved his city. You know what they did to him Tommy?!"

"What did they do-"

"They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. Thats what happens to heros Tommy." Techno finished his Greek mythology speech.

Tubbo spoke up from behind Tommy. "But he saved everyone!"

"The Greeks knew the score, but if you want to be a hero Tommy that's fine." Technoblade started walking backwards with a wither skulls in each hand.

You had soul sand infront of you and you were waiting till Technoblade set the first wither out into the world. There were wither skulls in the brown grass so you all could quickly put the skulls ontop if the sand. Technoblade thought it was a good idea to have multiple withers flying in L'Manburg at once. You and Techno were probably going to get attacked by the withers too because withers dont know who made them, they just attack.

"Technoblade dont do this! We're so close! Im not the hero! No one's the hero!" Tommy pleaded and that made your heart drop.

"You want to be a hero Tommy?! THEN DIE LIKE ONE!"

There it is. Techno started placing the skeleton heads on the soul sand and you followed suit placing three skulls onto the other. The two withers started to form and grow besides you and Technoblade. You didnt want to do this at all. You could hear the screams from the former Pogtopia and L'Manburg citizens, this wasnt what you wanted. You didn't want Wilbur to die, you didn't want L'Manburg to go, and of course you didnt want your family to die.

Technoblade grabbed your hand and led you to a higher plane, both of you dodging the blows the withers were giving out to anyone in their way. You had made it a top of the building Technoblade was before. You felt like your lungs had no air in them, from the running and and seeing Tommy desperately trying to fight a wither above him, Tubbo shooting arrows next to Quackity and the withers making Wilbur's explosion bigger than it was.

Technoblade started laughing at the destruction and the screams of the people below. You knew Technoblade was a dangerous man, he killed and did it for his own reasons that you didnt argue against. He had told you that he will tell you one day, but this wasnt that day. You didn't want to hear anything from him, you had lost everything.

"I fucking hate you." You breathed out in disbelief at the destruction below.

"Please dont say that." Techno rolled his eyes.

"You're not telling the truth-"

"MY LIFE IS GONE TECHNO! I- My home is gone! Wilbur is gone! Where do I go?!"

"Hou have me! What are you talking about? Did you just blindly follow me?! Newsflash I'm not Wilbur, Im not Schlatt! Im my own person that dosent associate with government so might as well destroy the government physically." Techno looked back out into the chaos.

"This cant be the way!"

"Do you have another plan?!"

"If I did it wouldn't have mattered." You said calming down, but still angry.

"Should've said something sooner." Techno said while walking away from the edge of the building and away from you.

"Again, it wouldn't have mattered." You said as a final statement before he walked away.

You didnt know where he was going nor did you care at this point. You retreated for now and found yourself back in Pogtopia. Going down into the decorated cave and reminiscing on times shared. The moments where Tommy was messing with Wilbur, when Tubbo immediately relaxed when he found himself around Pogtopia and he could be himself, when Techno and you had extremely deep talks in the potato farm.

You ended up going back to your home later that night trying to clear your mind and trying to know where to go next. The next morning your feet had a mind of its own that morning because you ended up at Tommy's house. You had knocked on his door and he swung it opened it with his widened eyes not expecting you to be there. He was bandaged up more than usual, he had scars on his hands and face too. It was a sad sight for you.

"Y/N?! What are you doing here!? I didn't-"

You cut Tommy off by hugging him and trying not to cry at the sight.

"Im so sorry Tommy." You said regretting everything.

"Im sorry I hurt you."

"Hey calm down. I forgive you, but it's gonna be hard ya know?" Tommy explained as you let him go sniffling.

"I understand, you shouldn't feel obligated to forgive me I know its going to be hard to help them grow even though I betrayed them." You slightly laughed and Tommy smiled.

You felt accomplished that day. You hung out with Tommy the whole day, then found Tubbo as well. They both accepted you but slowly but surely were going to forgive you. You hated that they were in pain but they knew you were in pain as well. Later that day you sat down with the both of them and wrote letters to everyone wanting to reconnect again. The two had said they would help deliver the letters while you delivered some too.

The day turned into night and you and Tubbo were currently walking around doing nothing in particular. Tommy had headed home as you promised to visit him tomorrow. You and Tubbo both ended up on the topic of Phil. Silence fell upon you two, you didn't know what to say about that. You didn't know Phil that well, but he seemed regretful. Wilbur's death became a touchy subject between you two. Tubbo then asked you about Technoblade and you had no answer to that either.

Technoblade left without telling you anything at first you didnt care, but now you are slightly regretting having that stupid fight. Days continued to go on and your regret became more apparent each and every day. You had reconnected with former L'Manburg members and asked for forgiveness. It was a slow process but you all became closer in due time.

Technoblade and your relationship grew further apart and you noticed that. You never seen him since the final day of L'Manburg until one day.

You had visited the abandoned and long forgotton Pogtopia once more longing for the days before all Hell broke loose.

"What are you doing here?" You turned your head to see Technoblade standing not too far away from you.

"What are YOU doing here?! Where have you been?" You exclaimed not knowing whether to run to him or stand still.

"Well im used to being left alone. It's not that hard you should try it sometimes."

"Last thing I remember was you walking away."

"Last thing I remember was you yelling at me and telling me that you fucking hated me." Techno said matching your tone.

"I was in a bad place at that moment." You tried to justify your actions when in reality you couldn't.

"Weren't you all!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" You said getting defensive.

"I mean all of you L'Manburgians. You all were going through something. That something was the death of your leader and the inevitable death if your country. You apparently never let go of that side, L'Manburg is still with you somehow." Techno explained to you.

He always read you like an open book. You still never let go of L'Manburg and thats why you went back and left your and Technoblade's relationship behind. Yes that was your fault, but you can try and reconnect, try to build trust again.

"Can't I be with them and you at the same time?" You asked, while your confidence left your body.

"NO! WHAT?! Why would you say that?! Have you been listening to me?!"

"I have! You-"

"No you clearly fucking havent! They are feeding into the very thing they sought to destroy! History is repeating and you going back is only encouraging it! Soon enough the new "L'Manburg" will fall time and time again!" Technoblade yelled clearly fed up with the conversation.

"Technoblade. I wanted to make ammends with you! I wanted to be on your side again!" You pleaded.

"Apparently not because you keep runnning to L'Manburg!"

You were getting desperate, it felt like everything was lost again. Why did you have to chose between anti-government and pro-government. You didnt have to, you just needed your friendship that was torn apart glued back together. The need to rekindle the friendship between you and Technoblade began to exceed everything else and continued to cloud your mind.

"One more chance please?!"

"You're being greedy." Techno taunted.

"Techno listen! I-"

"I am listening." He interrupted you on purpose.

"Seriously I wanted to rekindle our friendship so please just let me do this!" You pleaded.

"That's not going to be happening anytime soon. You know Im usually the one being left, but now that I see you like this I now understand why people leave others." He laughed.

You stayed silent and that gave him the opportunity to speak more.

"Those that have treated me with kindness, I will repay that kindness tenfold. And those that treat me with injustice, that use me, that hunt me down, that hurt my friends. I shall pay that injustice a thousand times over."

Another speech he would use another time. Your gaze was set on the stone ground beneath you. You couldn't face him and you knew he was talking about you. You weren't going to get the happy ending you always dreamt of. You were always aware of falling out of friendships but you never knew that one of your falling friendships would hurt this badly.

"All that time ago, you're right, you were right. You are useless."

"I dont need you anymore." Technoblade continued and ascended up the stairs to leave. He left you alone down in Pogtopia, it was hard.

"I came here to get actual shit done, but it turns out I couldn't." You heard Technoblade mumble upstairs before you were for sure he left.

You were left in the once lively underground community of Pogtopia. It was quiet and still now with the only thing was a small cool whispering of the wind.

You had your family, slowly but surely it was coming together but now everything seemed more broken than ever. Unbeknownst to you everything would get worse.

361 notes · View notes

reidsnose · 3 years

Text

completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly (spencer reid x reader)

overview: spencer helps his best friend talk through her emotions

genre: angst? and fluff

warnings: mentions of cheating, bad coping mechanisms, idrk what else reader being upset for a little bit

a/n: this has been sitting in my notes app FOREVER but idk how i feel ab this one im usually strictly fluff so yall lmk :)

masterlist

you hated talking about your feelings. you knew it was unhealthy to keep it bottled and and 'deal with it on your own' but that didn't stop you from doing exactly that.

the worst part about your feelings right now was that you isolate to cope with them. you didn't want to interact with anyone at all because more likely than not you would lash out at them on accident. it just slips out sometimes.

when you trudged into the bullpen with your head down and your hands fidgeting with your zipper, you didn't even notice all eyes on you. you werent your usual happy self. you weren't being loud, you weren't cracking jokes. you were just begrudgingly existing amongst your favorite people and they knew there was something wrong.

"good morning gorgeous, its a paperwork day! that means no traveling!" garcia informed you brightly, trying to lighten my mood.

"oh. cool. thanks." you answered back, flashing her as much of a smile as you could muster after realizing the harshness of your words.

she shot morgan a look, to which he raised an eyebrow.

"hey pretty lady," he began as he walked over to you, "whats going on? did you drink some grumpy juice for breakfast?"

"no. im fine." you replied flatly, making your way to your desk.

"what in the world.." he whispered to garcia, not knowing you could still hear.

or maybe he did know. maybe he was trying to get on your nerves. no. this is the irritability talking. morgan was just being a good friend.

you groaned at your computer, retyping the same password for the 4th time.

this time Prentiss shot you a look.

"is everything ok?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"yeah my computer is being stupid." you rolled your eyes as it finally let you in.

"oh i know the feeling. if you need any help-"

"I'm alright. thanks." you cut her off, eyes glued to the file you were working on.

JJ, who had witnessed the whole interaction unfold, stood with her mouth agape.

"spence, your bestie needs you!" JJ tapped his shoulder and motioned to you.

he watched your jaw rhythmically clench and unclench. your tell. thats what you always did when you were irritated or angry.

"hey y/n," he hummed, sitting lightly on the corner of your desk, crinkling some of your paper work.

"Reid! my files!" you cried, swatting his thigh. he got up and murmured an apology.

"are you ok?" he asked simply, crouching down to meet your height as you sat in your chair.

"why does everyone keep asking me that!"

you knew why. you were being a bitch.

"you just called me Reid." he stated.

"its your name." you replied, not meeting his gaze.

"yeah but you always-" he began.

"I'm not in the mood right now."

he sighed, "if you need someone to talk to-"

"i don't need anyone to talk to because theres nothing to talk about!" you interrupted, causing him to furrow his eyebrows at the tone of my voice.

'i shouldn't be mean to him. why am i acting like this?' you thought to yourself

"ok, ill be over there if you need me," he threw his hands up in surrender.

you mumbled an ok and went back to distracting yourself with work. you were so invested in filing these cases you completely lost track of time and before you knew it, it was just you, Hotch, and Spencer left in the office. you vaguely remembered waving goodbye to your other coworkers but you didn't remember it being nearly 6pm.

"guys go home, you've done a lot today," Hotch said as he crossed the bullpen, making his way towards the glass doors.

"yeah i will i'm almost done," you answered, not looking up from my screen.

"good night, Hotch," Spencer called from the break room.

you stared at your screen, eyes burning. you did enough. you cant escape confronting your feelings much longer. you sighed as you began packing up.

as if on cue, Spencer walked out of the break room with two cups in his hands, steam rising from the both of them. your mood softened just a bit.

"here," he handed you your drink which he had filled with your favorite tea and sweetened just the way you like it.

"you didnt have to." you replied, setting down the warm cup as you finished packing up. he mirrored your movements, resting his satchel across his torso before picking his drink back up.

"i know." he answered simply, a gentle smiling resting on his lips before he took a sip of his own tea.

"im sorry for snapping at you earlier." you apologized, finally meeting his gaze. his eyes were soft and sweet and you felt a pang of guilt in your heart as they looked into your own.

"its ok. do you want to tell me why?" he asked, walking to the elevator with you.

"no. yes? i dont know. its stupid." you replied, looking down at the floor as you recounted your reason for my anger today.

"its not stupid." he spoke softly.

you scoffed lightly, "you dont even know what it is."

"so tell me."

"but its dumb!"

"y/n." he warned.

"my ex boyfriend, Ashton, is getting married to the girl he cheated on me with." you sighed, walking through the parking lot with Spencer.

"ah so Trashton put my favorite ray of sunshine in a bad mood." he joked, breath swirling around the cool air as he spoke

you let out a weary chuckle, "its not like i miss him or anything, i just wish i had someone! not him- i just- i want- ugh i don't know how to word this!" you grew frustrated, furrowing your eyebrows and balling your hands into fists.

you knew exactly how to word it.

you wanted Spencer.

"its ok, take all the time you need." he whispered, leaning on the hood of your car. you joined him, resting as you took a sip of your tea.

"why am i not good enough to be loved." you stated the question rather than asking it, eyes filling with tears.

"you are good enough and i promise you that you are loved more than you know." he affirmed gently, turning to face you.

"do you know why we broke up?" you asked, knowing if you acknowledged his previous comment you wouldn't be able to continue without sobbing.

"because he cheated on you." he answered confidently.

"no." you shook your head, fighting back tears.

"what? he didn't cheat on you?"

"he did. and i was going to forgive him for that."

Spencer started getting riled up, "what! why? you're worth more than that scumbag! you shouldn't ha-"

"Spencer just let me finish!" you cut him off. he went silent, chest rising and falling more rhythmically than it had seconds earlier. "he wanted me to chose. him or you."

"him or me?" he furrowed his eyebrows, voice much quieter now.

"mhm." you hummed not meeting his gaze, your cheeks redder than you'd like to admit.

"i don't understand." he breathed.

"he thought i was cheating on him with you. he had no proof and it w-"

"oh this is all my fault. y/n i'm so sorry!"

"no! spence its not your fault!" you grabbed his arm to reassure him.

"it is! your boyfriend broke up with you because of me! and now you're sad and lonely and its all my fault!" he cried, looking worriedly into your eyes.

"first of all, i broke it off with him, he just gave the ultimatum. secondly, you did me a favor."

"how?"

"by showing me who i was really dating. a cheating, insecure scumbag who was quick to replace me when i left."

"i guess thats true."

"and id pick you over him any day." you admitted, looking back down at the ground. he nudged your shoulder playfully and you cracked a sad smile

"im sorry i made you sad and lonely."

"you didnt. id be sad and lonely anyway."

"why? you would still have a boyfriend if it wasn't for me."

"i don't want a boyfriend if it isn't you."

shit. shit.

the words toppled out of your mouth before you could stop them.

"what?" he asked, wide eyes and looking a little shocked. spencer was sure in that very moment that if he heard you correctly hed simply explode.

"i- no this was a bad idea. i just ruined everything didnt i!" you were speaking more to yourself, exasperated at your own stupidity.

"no," you felt him place a finger to your chin and lift your gaze to meet his, "im glad you said it because now i can admit it."

"admit what?"

"that im completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you."

"spencer dont play with my heart like this. are you being serious?"

"yes. i am." he said with a strange confidence than you had never heard before. hesitant but sure.

"oh thats so lucky because i am completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you too." you admitted, feeling about 100 pounds lighter, like you could fly. he pulled you into a bone crushing hug which you eagerly accepted. "i should talk about my feelings more often."

he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head, "yes you should."

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