#I literally got so emotional reading this ask
Text
pet [2].
sometimes, it was better to listen. and sometimes, it didn't matter a damn thing.
part two requested by:
Can you please continue the pet fic it is super good tho a bit abhor but I like it😍😍🩷🩷 (@iluvjjkmennn)
Can you pls write p.2 for the pet one it’s literally the best Yandere fics I read so far it’s really bring out a lot of emotion love your work<3 (anonymous)
Do more Gojo pls (anonymous)
tw. yandere, dubcon, noncon, pet play, restraint, bdsm, collar, leash, orgasm denial, endurance play, implied past abuse, implied kidnapping, implied sexual content, no actual sex, barking
part one.
“kneel.”
you do the action with ease, a practiced movement that’s long ago been etched in your mind. sitting back so your bum hits the heels of your feet, you make sure your back is straight, hands held up before you, wrists curled.
“lay.”
no hesitation. no thought.
your head bows, chin touching the floor as you stare up at gojo through your lashes, arms still tucked tightly by your sides.
“up again.”
and, like before, you do it.
“good girl,” he praises, the action going straight to your core – enjoying the warm tone to his voice.
you’d made him happy.
“give me your paw.”
extending your arm out towards him, you hold it there patiently as gojo reaches behind him, pulling out a rope of black duct tape. He grabs your hand with a tug, curling your hand into a fist, giving you a look that means leave it – which, of course, you do – and then, in the next second, he’s peeling at the edge of the tape and wrapping it around your hand. He pulls tight, making sure the tape is flesh against your skin, wrapping layer upon layer until he’s satisfied and it’s impossible to stretch your hand out of a fist.
“the other one.”
the action repeats until you’re left with both of your hands taped into fists, leaving you unable to use your hands whatsoever.
“this is how your hands will be for the next week,” gojo explains at the doe-eyed, confused look you give him. “i want you to learn to stop relying on your hands. anything you need, you ask and beg for and maybe you’ll get it.”
like the pet he thought you were.
“is that understood?”
you move to nod, but before you can even move your head even an inch, gojo’s hand is tightly wounding around your jaw, grip pinching. “words, kitten. like i taught you.”
“y-yes, sir.”
you eagerly await his approval, eyes watching gojo’s face quickly as you wait for his response. when you see the first hint of a smirk curling on his lips, your body flushes with relief and happiness. it was always better when he was pleased with you rather than angry — and usually you were rewarded too.
“good girl.”
he stands then, leaving you sitting in place and you know better than to follow; instead, you let your eyes follow him, keeping your head straight ahead like you knew he liked but following with your eyes as far as you can. gojo leaves your peripheral when he enters his closet, and you hear him rummaging around, before he exits a moment later with rope in his hand. you can’t help the soft whine that leaves your lips in response, a reaction that causes gojo to grin wide, chuckling amusedly.
“don’t like the rope, kitten?” he coos, brushing back your hair from your face. you lean into the touch, letting him pet you as you nod eagerly, hoping that if you act more eager he will listen to your whine. “no? but you look so pretty with it.”
“please, sir, i’ll be good without it.”
“oh, i’m sure you will,” he laughs, “but i’m not putting it on you to punish you. we’ve got training to do.”
shoulders slumping, you force back the whine that threatens to leave your lips, having learned otherwise — once was already pushing it, and you were lucky gojo seemed in a relatively good mood today that he was willing to play around a little. but he wouldn’t stand you arguing against him any further, and you didn’t feel like being punished today — it was never worth what you fought for in the beginning.
stepping forward at your silence, gojo grabs your left forearm, pressing it tightly against your upper arm before wrapping the rope around it twice, tying it off with a tight knot; leaving your arm bent permanently. he does the same with the other, leaving you completely defenseless as he walks around you, stopping just behind you, pushing against the middle of your back, unable to catch yourself and instead, you land on your elbows with a light thud, a small yelp of pain leaving your lips.
he doesn’t give you time to recover, kicking at the bottom of your feet that has you jolting forward.
“feet up.”
listening with haste, not wanting to be kicked again, you press the heels of your feet against your ass, leaving your legs bent at the knee similar to your arms. and, just like your arms, gojo is quick to wrap a thread of rope around the middle of your calf and thigh, keeping both of your legs bent as well.iIt’s hard to balance at first, un-use to the position, leaving you wobbling on your knees and elbows, desperately trying not to fall.
“there,” gojo breathes out, “now you really look like my little kitten.”
your face burns with shame at his words, especially when you realize you can’t deny otherwise. you can only imagine what you look like.
he walks back in front of you, and peering up at him, you watch as he simply smiles down at you, obviously enjoying your struggle for balance. with cat ears on your head, a pink collar around your neck, arms and legs bound bent with your hands taped; you must look like a fool and pretty pathetic. more over, it’s clear you look like the kitten gojo is so desperate to turn you into.
gojo’s little pet; just exactly how he wanted you.
“ow, we’re gonna do some laps, okay?”
your lips apart, but gojo cuts you off; “no complaining, or you’ll find out just how little patience i have left for you.”
wquickly shutting your mouth, you can’t help the shudder that flows through you, fear striking you deep as the memory of what had happened the last time you had disobeyed gojo. the pain was a nightmare you never wanted to relive. ever since tha lastt incident, gojo had had less patience for any sort of misbehaving. everything he said went and there was no arguing, no matter what.
and you did it because in the end, that pain hadn’t even been worth it. and at the end of the day, you were still trapped by him, kidnapped by gojo and there was no escape in sight.
clipping the leash onto the end of your collar, gojo tugs at the other end; “walk.”
and you do, but not without struggle. it takes you a good three laps to get used to the movement, and honestly, even then you’re still rocky at best. balancing is one thing, but your knees and elbows start to hurt after the second lap, not used to having your entire weight balanced on them. and on the hardwood doesn’t help either, rubbing your skin raw and red. you’ve no doubt worked up a sweat, small cries of pain leaving your lips at the fifth lap, the action of putting one leg and one arm in front of the other gets progressively more and more hard.
but gojo doesn’t stop. doesn’t even look at you. he just walks, tightly holding onto the end of the leash, ignoring every one of your cries.
he’s cruel. you’ve always known this, learned that the day he locked you in that cage for the very first time – and yet, every single day, you learn just how much farther he’s willing to take it just to get you to do whatever sort of sick perverted fantasy he has.
after the fifteenth lap, he finally allows you to stop. you want to collapse on the spot but gojo orders you to stay put, and so you focus on catching your breath instead, throat dry and gasping for air, barely able to pay attention to anything he’s doing as it takes all your effort not to fall to heap on the ground.
you don’t want to disobey him.
then, when he’s finally sat on the bed, and you manage to glance up at him through your lashes, gojo allows you to rest.
he orders you to kneel in front of him, and after a moment of struggle, you do so. your arms are forced up by your head, your hands truly looking like deformed paws with the tape around them and you stare up at him expectantly, eyeing the gag in his hands. it’s a ring gag, a metal circle meant to force your lips apart but still accessible for gojo to reach your mouth if he wanted.
“open,” comes his sharp demand. you let your lips part with a heavy chest.
the metal of the ring is painful in your mouth, stretching it wide and keeping it forced open as he ties around you. you try to flex your jaw, but it’s effectively trapped and you watch with shame as gojo leers down at you with a wide grin the second he pulls back.
“stick out your tongue,” he laughs, smirking when you do. “god, i love putting a gag in your slutty fucking mouth.”
you let out a gargled whine.
gojo is quick to move on, leaning back on his hands on the bed as he nods down at you; “lay on your back.”
it’s not exactly the rest you wanted, but it’s better than being forced to balance on your elbows and knees. it takes you a second to figure out how to even fall to your back, and you’re sure you look like an idiot as you do, falling to your back with a thud and a huff as your head falls back against the ground.
there’s a split second of reprieve, before you feel something pressing against your pussy.
a single glance up and you see it’s gojo’s foot.
“such a pretty pussy,” he grins, rubbing the sole of his foot up and down, and the sudden spike of pleasure that courses through you in response shocks you. it’s been days since gojo’s last touched you – every morning, he simply places a bowl of food and water in your cage, lets you go to the washroom, and then locks you back inside until he comes home. when he does come home, he doesn’t come up to his bedroom right away, not until another hour or so passes, then lets you go to the washroom (if you manage to not hold it in, you're spanked twenty times and forced to clean the mess yourself).
once that’s done, he has you suck him off, forcing you to swallow all of his cum, and you’re not allowed back in your cage until you open your mouth and prove every bit of it is gone.
you’re not sure why, or what you’d done, but gojo’s barely looked at you. the only time he has is when he’s using you for his own pleasure, using your mouth as his own personal cocksleeve, ignoring any cry of pain that comes from you. he doesn’t show you any sort of twisted affection, not like before or any words, not even to get mad at you.
today had been the first day, and you’d been elated.
but not as elated as you are now.
A muffled cry leaves your gagged lips as his toes hit your clit, rubbing in a way that has your back arching, arms and legs left hovering in front of you like a dog getting his belly scratched.
you’re panting like one too.
“aweh, I know baby, I haven’t been paying attention to you have I?”
shaking your head, you let out a moan as you feel your pleasure spike.
“you miss me?”
“Y-Yesh, shir!” you gasp out from behind the gag, words barely audible.
“You miss daddy touching you?”
you gasp, eyes rolling back as a heat builds in your core, spiking as he continues to rub his foot. “yesh, daddy!”
you’re sure your words make no sense, but you don’t care. you don’t how pathetic what you’re doing is. you don’t care that you’re calling him ‘daddy’ or that you’re doing so gagged and because he’s rubbing his foot on your pussy.
truthfully, it barely even registers in you that you’re getting off on his foot.
like some sort of bitch in heat.
“you want to cum?”
“yesh, daddy,” you cry, “yes, i wansh to cum sho bad! pleash, daddy! i’m-i’m sho closh!”
“yeah?” he eggs, and you feel it, you’re about to hit your orgasm, you can feel the pleasure, before it all of a sudden disappears.
“well, that’s just too bad.”
blinking, you swallow thickly, the best you can, gasping as you try not to choke back on the saliva that has built, a choked cry leaving your lips as you raise your head, meeting gojo’s gaze. he’s grinning as usual, but there’s a certain perverted pleasure in his gaze as he stares at you pant and whine pathetically, a baffled look in your eyes as you’re denied your pleasure.
“today’s not about your pleasure, is it?”
brows furrowing, you shake your head.
gojo slips off the bed, kneeling in front of you. “i told you. you need to be trained.”
chest tightening, you still.
“so,” he starts, shifting himself back and grabbing you by the hips, lifting the lower half of your body until your pussy is right in front of his face, lips right in front of your clit. you can feel his warm breath hit your soaked pussy, causing a shiver to run through you as the sensation is too little for it to be enough. “today we’re working on your endurance.”
your brows furrow and he laughs.
“you’re not allowed to cum.”
eyes widening, you barely have time to register gojo’s words when suddenly, he’s pressing his lips directly against your clit. his lips suck on it, pulling it tight in his mouth in a way that has you screaming from the sudden feeling; pleasure coursing through your entire body. you feel your body tense instantly, arms and legs straining against your restraints as you fight to move, fight to get away from the sudden pressure forced against your clit. barely having time to recover from your last denied orgasm, this one works up even quicker, coil tightening in you as you gasp and moan, wriggling in gojo’s grip but unable to escape, the high building, until, just like before, it disappears in a blink of an eye.
your clit throbs, puffy and red, burning as gojo pulls back, meeting your gaze.
you’re barely able to contain yourself; frustrated and aching. “pleashe, daddy!”
he just laughs, rubbing at your ass, grip tightening when you struggle.
in a minute, his mouth is back on your clit, and this time, you almost feel your eyes roll to the back of your head when he pushes a finger in, the sudden intrusion feeling like too much. the fullness has your muscles tensing and a choked cry leaves your lips as your back bends, head pressing against the ground, arms wiggling uselessly.
you’re crying behind the gag, letting out gargled and inaudible cries and begs; desperate for release. for the sweet release of the orgasm he can provide you.
but, like before, gojo pulls away just before you feel that release.
he continues on. orgasm after orgasm being ruined, pulled from you, your clit throbbing so painfully you feel tears leak from your eyes, streaming down your cheeks as you cry, sobs and incoherent begs leaving your lips.
all that gojo simply ignores.
you don’t know how many orgasms you’ve been denied at this point; or even how long gojo’s sat there, holding you in place, while you writhe and struggle around him like a pathetic slut whose desperate to cum.
somewhere along the way he’d pulled the gag off of you, marks left on your skin from how tight it had been as sweat coats your skin. the bend of your elbows and knees is uncomfortable, slick with sweat, but there’s no escape.
there’s no escape from anything.
at that point, you’re sure you’d do anything just to feel relief.
“yeah?” gojo calls, pulling you from your thoughts with a dizzying blink; “anything?”
you’d said that aloud?
raising your head, you meet gojo’s gaze, hair sticking to your forehead with sweat, nodding.
“i want you to bark.”
body freezing, his words take a moment to register.
“i want you to bark like the bitch in heat you are.”
you’ve been stripped of everything. a bed, your home, your freedom. you’re not allowed to pee on your own, you’re not allowed to eat with utensils or even at a dinner table. you’re forced to suck off the man who ruined your life every night. forced to walk on your hands and knees, or elbows and knees now. you can’t remember the last time you’ve stood and walked like a normal human being.
you’re forced to wear cat ears and a collar, leashed if you want to go anywhere…
you’ve been gagged, bound, whipped, burnt and more.
but he’s never made you bark.
oddly, it’s that that hits you. it feels like… like you’d really be losing everything if you did this one, simple thing.
bark like a dog. bark like a bitch in heat.
bark because you want to cum more than anything right now.
it burns, it burns so bad you can barely think straight. everything feels muddled, like a blur, and you’re warm, you’re sweating, you can’t move, you can’t do anything to fight or get away or defend yourself.
you can’t even touch yourself.
maybe that’s why, despite feeling like this is it – this is you really letting go, submitting to gojo, admitting to him and yourself that all you really were was his pet… you still do it.
you bark. loud and clear. repeatedly. you don’t stop, you keep barking, cheeks burning in embarrassment and your heart hurting with humiliation as you keep doing it, over and over again, like a mantra, sounding like some sort of crazed, broken doll.
but, what’s even more sickening, is when gojo’s lips press back against your clit and he pushes two fingers in instead of one, rocking back and forth, fucking you with his fingers and sucking you off and finally, finally he lets you cum, practically squirting on his face as you scream and bark in overwhelming pleasure…
it feels completely worth it.
#jjk#jjk x reader#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere jjk#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#yandere gojo#yandere gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo smut
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MWAHAHAHAHHA. ALTERNATIVE ENDING TIMEEE. The vender flowers fic thing. I am here to request an alternative angst ending. Ok SO *cracks knuckles* Mel still chooses you and still goes to your place to confess. However, when u lean in to kiss her, she kisses u back. Then, smut (y’all sleep together). Then, she goes home to break up w Gary. She explains her feelings and he was so understanding and loving that she realizes she doesn’t want to let him go. So they end up staying together. Then at school u see her w Gary and you��re (patiently) like “hey what’s up have u done it yet like what’s goin on” and she tells u that she hasn’t but she will and that she can’t wait to be with you. Then y’all fuck again maybe or just make out idk, up to u, and you’re all happi and giggly BUT THEN the next day she tells u the truth. That she doesn’t wanna let him go and you’re like “ok so u just used me/lied so u could get the best of both worlds/just to sleep w me” and then idk what she says after that u can pick. And idk how to end this u can pick hahaha.
Alright, I finished it! And before anyone asks, we made a deal that if I do a lot of angst then I can have my happy ending. 😊 Although I think it’s more sad than angsty. And when you put the cracks knuckles, I burst out laughing. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it.
On another note: I notice that half of you put compliments for me in your prompts and I love reading them, you guys are so sweet! 🥹❤️ Also I spent 10 minutes picking out a gif cause I got distracted looking at Lisa…I regret nothing.
The Vendor, The Teacher and The Roses - Alt End
Warnings: where to start? A bit of toxic Mel, angst, sadness, heartbreak, fluff, smut, happy ending. I literally went through a whole rollercoaster of emotions while writing this so good luck!
Words: 7.3k
“What do you mean when you said you chose me?” You ask her.
“I mean if I went home then I would be choosing Gary, and I know I would lose you. If I came here then I would be choosing you and lose Gary.” She tells you. “And I can’t lose you.” She adds on and you look at her shocked.
“But you can lose Gary?” You ask her and she nods.
“He’s not as important as you.” She tells you and you look down at your fingers and twiddle your thumbs. Melissa takes your hand with hers and interlace your fingers and brings her other hand to your chin and gets you to look up at her. “I want to be with you.” She tells you and a tear rolls down your cheek. She wipes the tear and cups your cheek.
“I want to be with you too.” You tell her and you lean forward to kiss her and she leans forward to kiss you back. Once your lips connect you immediately feel that this is right, where you’re supposed to be and you’re already hooked on her.
Melissa is feeling the same way and she puts her hands in your hair and moans. She pushes you back on the couch to deepen the kiss but you stop her.
“Me-Melissa.” You say and she pulls back and looks at you. “We shouldn’t do anything else, you’re still with Gary.” You tell her and leans forward to you and puts her hands in your hair again.
“I don’t care, I’ve wanted you for so long and I don’t want to wait any longer.” She says and kisses you again. She pushes you back again and this time you let her. She’s on top of you now and runs her fingers down your body and you gasp a bit and she slides her tongue in your mouth. You moan at that and she takes her shirt off and you run your hands all over the newly exposed skin. She brings her mouth to your neck and leaves kisses all over it.
“Melissa, do you want to go to the bedroom? Lot more space on the bed.” You suggest and she groans. She then slides her hand under you and pushes you closer to her and she sits up and brings you with her. She then picks you up and she stands up and carries you to the bed. She goes back on top of you and goes and sucks your neck and you gasp and buck your hips. She then unclips her bra and takes it off then takes your shirt off. Her breasts fall out of her bra and are freed from their prison and you set your eyes on them and stare. “Take your pants off.” You tell her and she pulls back from your neck and looks at you before she takes her pants and underwear off. At the same time you take your pants and underwear off. She then goes back to you and all you have on is your bra and she straddles your lap as you’re sitting against the headboard. She gets hit by a wave of desire for you and starts grinding your leg and you go and suck on a nipple. She takes the opportunity to unclip your bra and take it off then places her hands on your boobs.
You then place her between your legs and slide a finger in her entrance and she moans out. You notice she’s tight and you slide another finger in to really fill her and she falls forward into you. “Omg! Yes!” She says and you slide them in and out and quickly go faster. “Omg! That feels so good! Yes! Don’t stop! Oh fuck!” She screams out.
“You’re so tight. Been awhile?” You ask her and she nods. “Hmm, how long?” You ask.
“3…we…weeks.” She says and you smile.
“He has you and is able to go 3 weeks without sex?” You say and she whines. You figure he must have a lower than average sex drive and it must be driving her crazy as 3 weeks is too long for her. “You know, when we get together, I don’t think I’ll be able to go more than 3 days without fucking you.” You tell her and she whines again. You place a hand on her back and pull her closer to you and she moans. You place your thumb on her clit and she gasps. A few seconds later her legs start shaking and you feel her clench around your fingers. “Go on and cum.” You tell her and she comes a couple seconds later. You stop your fingers but she starts riding them and places her thumb between her legs to rub her clit and she must still need more and you smile. “Oh you’re very horny.” You say and she moans. You move your fingers in her again and she gasps. You move her fingers out of the way and place your thumb back on her clit and rub it. She places her hands on your back and has her body pushed right up against you. Her legs start shaking again and she comes seconds later. This time it’s you that doesn’t stop and she cries out as she feels another orgasm building and she’s sensitive. The next one hits not even 30 seconds later and she screams out as she comes. You pull out of her gently and she’s holding on to you tightly and you don’t move as her heart rate slows down. She then slides off of you and down your body and is on her stomach and connects her mouth to your clit.
“I love how you taste.” She tells you and goes right back to licking your clit.
“Ooohhh Mel…omg your tongue feels so good!” You say between gasps. She then slides two fingers in your entrance and you scream out. It doesn’t take long until you come with her name in your mouth. She pulls out of you and comes to lay down beside you.
You cuddle each other for a few minutes until you stop shaking and you’re breathing normally. You then go and get a cloth and you both clean yourself up. Melissa then gets dressed and she gives you another kiss before she leaves to go home to end things with Gary.
When she gets home, she takes a deep breath before getting out of the car and going inside. She sees Gary sitting on the couch and watching tv and he’s looking at her with a smile.
“Hey, you’re home. Where’d you go?” He says without any judgement, just curiosity.
“I went to see y/n.” She said to him and he nods, knowing you two are good friends.
“How is she?” He asks and she walks towards him.
“Good. We need to talk though.” She says and sits on the couch next to him. He turns off the tv and turns to her and gives her his full attention.
Melissa then explains everything, leaving out the part that you two had sex. She tells him about the friendship you two formed and when her feelings for you started. Then she admits that she found out you feel the same and that’s why she went to see you.
“And I feel bad about it cause you’re really good to me and I never wanted to hurt you.” She finishes and Gary looks at her with understanding. He then explains how he knew something was going on with the way you both look at each other. Then explains that he’s always wanted what’s best for her and to support her. Melissa looks at him shocked. She expected for him to be angry, not supportive of what she wants and she’s overwhelmed with it. She realises she doesn’t want to let him go but also doesn’t want to let you go, she doesn’t know what to do.
The next day Melissa and Gary arrive in the break room in the morning and you frown. You thought she was talking to him last night but then thought that maybe she didn’t want to do it on Valentine’s Day.
It did hurt a bit when you also see them at lunch, being all happy but didn’t mention anything. Melissa noticed your reaction all day and she feels guilty, knowing she’ll have to make a decision. At the end of the day you go to see her in her classroom.
“Hey Melissa.” You say to her and she spins around to look at you with a smile.
“Hey y/n.”
“So what’s up?”
“I’m happy that it’s Friday.” She answers and you close her door.
“Ya so am I. I was wondering if you’ve done it yet or are you going to, you know, break up with Gary.” You tell her and she smiles at you.
“Ya, I didn’t want to do it yesterday being as it was Valentine’s Day and a Thursday but I’ll do it. I honestly can’t wait to be with you.” She says and you go and kiss her. She kisses you back and it turns into a heated make out session. You end up getting pushed to her desk and you go and sit on top of it, continuing to make out with her. You then pull back after making out for a few minutes. “I just love kissing you already.” She says and you smile at her.
“I love kissing you too. And I can’t wait until I can kiss you whenever.” You tell her and she smiles at you.
“I’ll let you know when I break up with him.” She says and boops your nose and you giggle.
“Alright, but don’t make me wait long.” You tell her and she gives you another kiss and then you both leave.
You go home and sit on your couch and watch tv for the rest of the day, waiting to see when she’ll text you that she broke up with him. You don’t get a text that evening.
The next day she comes to your place in the morning and you open up the door and smile widely when you see her.
“Morning Melissa, so does this mean it’s done?” You ask her and she looks down at the floor.
“We got to talk.” She says and your smile drops and you tilt your head.
“Um…ok.” You say and let her in.
You both sit on your couch and she takes a few deep breaths before speaking.
“I spoke to Gary on Thursday night after coming back from your place. I told him everything, well except for us having sex. And he was so understanding and supportive and I couldn’t let him go. And now I don’t want to let him go at all but I also don’t want to let you go.” She admits and you look at her. You’re processing everything that she just told you and you sigh.
“So let me see if I got this right. So you lied to me and used me to just get the best of both? For him to meet your emotional needs and sleep with me to meet your sexual needs?” You ask and she nods.
“I’m sorry, I never want to hurt either of you.” She says and you suck in a breath.
“You can’t have both of us Melissa, it’s one or the other.” You tell her and she looks defeated.
“I don’t know who to choose.” She admits and your anger comes out.
“If you can’t choose then that means that you just don’t want to tell me that it’s him you’re choosing.” You say sternly and she goes to answer but you don’t want to hear anymore. “Get out.” You grit through your teeth and she looks taken back by your words. “I said get out!” You yell and point to the door. Melissa is on the verge of tears so she does as you say and leaves.
You immediately block her number and text Ava asking if she has plans tonight. She texts you back and tells you what club she’s going to and if you wanted to tag along. You immediately accept and you go to the bar with her and a couple friends of hers and you get drunk. You dance most of the night and get hit on by men and women. You kiss a couple women and by the end of the night Ava gets you a ride home.
You spend Sunday morning trying to not die and get rid of your major hangover that doesn’t leave until the afternoon. Then you spend the rest of the day doing chores, grading and making a couple changes to your lesson plan.
On Monday morning Melissa tries to talk to you but you shut her down and avoid her. You end up avoiding her all day, which is followed by all week and followed by all month.
At the start, Melissa tries to talk to you every chance she gets and found out quickly that you blocked her. As the days go on with you doing everything to avoid her, her hope and determination of talking to you and trying to make it up to you, goes down. You see she eventually gets the hint and stops trying to talk to you. You see she still glances at you throughout the day but those become fewer and fewer as the days pass. Glances you can handle though, as long as she doesn’t try and talk to you then you can deal with her looking at you.
Eventually she stops looking at you at all and you two are basically just co workers who don’t interact. You start to make friends with other teachers that aren’t friends with Melissa or anyone that is friends with Melissa’s friends. Everyone notices the growing distance between you both and Barb is the first to mention something.
“What’s going on with you and y/n?” Barb asks, about 2 weeks after you started avoiding her.
“Nothing, nothing is going on.” Melissa says with a bit of anger. No one mentions it again but feels bad that Melissa is taking it hard, while you seemed to have moved on easily. Ava did mention that you went out to a club with her and her friends and kissed a couple girls, to which Melissa was shocked and got upset at that.
You want everyone to see that what happened between you and Melissa didn’t heavily affect you but in reality, it crushed you.
About 3 months later, you’re having a rather rough night after a bad date so in a split second decision, you unblock her number. All the texts that she sent you in those 3 months pop up and you’re shocked at the amount of texts there were, probably about 200.
Melissa knew you blocked her number but still chose to text you anyway, it made her feel better and no one tried to stop her.
You read all the messages and you feel like you went on a rollercoaster of emotions. She starts with saying how sorry she is about what happened and that she broke up with Gary a week after. Then she goes on saying that she misses you, she misses having you around her, even just as a friend. She says that she wants to have you back and will do anything to make it up to you.
You start to feel sympathy for her as you read them and then remember what she did and how it made you feel and then go back to angry at her and continue reading.
The texts start to get a bit angry as she’s upset about what happened and obviously going through the 5 stages of grief. She goes on saying a bunch of English and Italian curse words, some directed at you and some about the situation. She then goes and apologises for everything she said, even if you never see the texts she’ll know what she said and would feel bad about it. It takes you a good 2 hours to get through all of them. Her last text being the one that hits the hardest.
Melissa: I know you haven’t seen any of these and might never. But wanted to apologise for everything that happened. For not noticing the signs, not having the courage to admit my feelings, and then putting you through hell and having sex with you. I never wanted to use you, it was never my intention. And I’m sorry about the fact that it took losing you to figure out what I want. I guess it’s true what they say, you never know your lover until you let her go. I spent almost 3 months sending you texts, I don’t even know why, but it made me feel better in a way. But now it’s time to fully let go of everything. I wish you the best luck and life you could have and I’m sorry that I messed it up and won’t get to see you thrive and live your best life. Love, Melissa
You cried so much that night and you think about everything that happened and everything she told you and all the texts she sent you. Melissa on the other hand didn’t notice that all her texts went through to you, even the one she sent a week ago. The one she knew she had to send to finally let you go and move on herself.
A week goes by as if you didn’t read all her texts. You’re debating whether you should talk to her or not and think that you should protect yourself and your heart from her. But on the other hand you think about her texts and how hurt she sounded. You see her throughout the day and see that she’s now mostly healed from what happened and you shouldn’t put each other through that again. You come to the decision that you two will never talk and be in each other's lives again.
That day happens to be the same one that you’re too in your head and don’t see a car coming straight for you. All the teachers are heading out to their cars across the street, as they’re fixing the parking lot. You’re crossing the street and it seems you parked right behind Melissa so you two are heading in the same direction. You start crossing the street as she’s saying goodbye to Barb and about to cross as well. Melissa sees a car coming and you don’t notice as you’re crossing, she immediately starts running towards you, and pushes you out of the way right before the car hits you.
Melissa gets hit by the car instead and goes flying into the windshield. Luckily the driver was slowing down as he noticed you walking out onto the street, he still did damage to Melissa but fortunately didn’t kill her. The driver was able to fully stop and got out to go check on her, as well as Barb who saw the whole thing. You hit the pavement and turned around to see Melissa hitting the windshield and rolling off the car. You run towards her as well, overwhelmed with what just happened. You all go towards her and the driver calls for an ambulance.
“Melissa!” You say as you reach her and she’s unconscious as she hit her head on the windshield.
“Oh my Lord!” Barb says as she reaches you both. You both stay by her until the ambulance arrives.
Janine, Jacob, Gregory, Ava and Mr Johnson end up seeing the commotion before the ambulance arrive and go towards it to see what happened. As they get closer they realise Melissa got hit by the car and they start running.
“Omg what happened?” Janine says and sees you with Melissa’s head in your lap and Barb trying to comfort you.
“All my fault!” You exclaimed through tears.
“No it’s not dear. You forgot to check for cars and didn’t notice the car coming, it happens. But it was Melissa’s decision to push you out of the way and got hit by the car instead of you.” Barb says and Janine and Jacob gasp. Ava puts a hand over her mouth in shock, Gregory and Mr Johnson are too stunned to do anything. They all stay with you until the ambulance arrives.
The ambulance gets there 4 minutes after the call was made and they check her over quickly and say she has to go to the hospital for further examination and treatment. They gently and quickly put her on the stretcher and into the ambulance, and then drive to the hospital.
They all stay next to you as they all watch the ambulance drive Melissa to the hospital. You’re still blaming yourself for what happened and even wish that she didn’t push you out of the way. She shouldn’t pay the consequences for your mistake.
You look defeated and walk towards your car and Barb speaks up. “Dear, do you want to get a ride with me and Gerald to the hospital?” She asks you and you turn around.
“Why would I go to the hospital?” You ask her.
“To go see Melissa.” She says with a gentle tone.
“I’m not going to see her. This is all my fault. I mean why did she even push me out of the way? She should have let me get hit by that car!” You say and everyone but Barb leaves so you and Barb can have privacy.
“Sweetheart, it was Melissa’s decision. And she pushed you out of the way because even though whatever happened between you two happened, she still cares about you and would rather save you then watch you get hurt.” She explains softly.
“We haven’t talked in 3 months because I cut her out of my life! How can she still care about me?” You ask with tears in your eyes.
“Melissa feels deeply for people in her life. Once you find yourself in her life then she has hard time letting go, I saw her struggle with trying to let you go. She never said what happened, all she told me was that she screwed up with you.” Barb tells you and you’re crying at this point but you stay away from her when she tries to comfort you.
“I’m not going to the hospital, it’s my fault she got hurt and I don’t want to hurt her more. I do hope she makes a full recovery quickly though.” You tell her and Barb knows you’re not going to change your mind and lets you go. You go to your car and drive home.
She gets Gerald to drive to the hospital to go see Melissa, as well as the trio. They’re surprised when you don’t show up and Barb tells them that you blame yourself. Melissa does end up waking up a few hours later after the doctors treated her injuries. Janine was the first to notice and makes her way to her side beside Barb as Gregory goes to get a Doctor saying she’s awake.
The doctor asks her a few questions and checks her over again and says that she’s healing properly and should be good to go home in a few days. They did mention she’ll need crutches as she got hit in the leg and they put a cast on her left leg. Once the doctor leaves, the trio stays for about half an hour before heading home. As soon as they leave, that's when Melissa asks Barb about you.
“I’m sorry, I tried to get her to come but she was very against it, saying she doesn’t want to hurt you again, and blaming herself for what happened.” Barb tells her and Melissa groans and puts her head back on the pillow. “If it’s any consolation, she was surprised that you pushed her out of the way. She thought you didn’t care about her anymore.” Barb tells her and Melissa looks at her.
“On Valentine’s Day she was going to see me with flowers and a card to confess her feelings for me. She saw how Gary and I declared our feelings and threw out the flowers and the card in the garbage. I guess she must have kicked it in anger cause the bin was knocked over and I saw the flowers and the card. I went over to her place right after and we both confessed our feelings.” Melissa is finally telling Barb what happened. “But then I screwed up. We didn’t hold back and we…we had sex. Then I promised her to go and break up with Gary. I went to do that, like I talked to him about it all but the way he was supportive and understanding made me not want to let him go since it’s been so long since I had a partner like that.” Melissa says and Barb nods in understanding. “She came and talked to me the next day and I promised again to break up with him. But then on Saturday I went over to her house and told her the truth and I said I couldn’t choose between them. She got angry and told me to get out.” Melissa finishes. “That’s what happened.”
“Melissa, you made a mistake, I mean my god. You and y/n are both putting blame on yourselves for making a mistake because you’re human.” Barb says. “It’s not your fault that Gary’s support and understanding made you feel good and left you confused because Joe kept hurting you. And it’s not y/n’s fault that she got distracted and didn’t notice the car coming at her and the fact that you pushed her out of the way and got hit instead.” Barb says and Melissa sniffles. “She got so mad at herself that she wished you just let her get hit.” Barb tells her and Melissa looks at her in shock. “I know you wouldn’t have let that happen and I told her that. But something tells me that there’s more to y/n’s side than she was letting on.” Barb tells her and Melissa goes to her phone to go to your texts to see pictures you sent her. And that’s when her face pales instantly. “What?” Barb asks when she sees Melissa’s face.
“They sent. All the texts that I sent her got delivered. That means she unblocked my number and she must have read them or at least a few of them. Probably not all since I sent a lot.” Melissa says and rambles a bit.
“Do you know when she unblocked your number.” Barb asks.
“It says it was delivered…last week.” Melissa says the last 2 words quietly.
“You know I did notice that she was distracted this week and that she looked at you a few times.” Barb says, knowing that you acted differently this week but didn’t say anything. When you cut Melissa out, you also cut out her, the trio, Ava and Mr Johnson, pretty much everyone in Melissa’s life from school.
A week goes by and Melissa returns back after that. The cast has to stay on her leg for a month and then a brace after for another month. She’s using crutches that she learned to use in the hospital during her stay there.
You secretly spy on her for a week when she returns and you see her get frustrated a few times about her limitations. You stay away though, thinking it’s the best course of action. You even hand Ava your notice, saying after the school year ends in a month, you’re not coming back. Ava accepts the notice but never approves you leaving, she said she’ll put it through on the last day.
On the second week that Melissa returns, she moves one of the crutches wrong, causing her to slip and fall. You happened to be right behind her and you caught her. It took both of you a second to figure out what happened and you lock eyes when you help her back up.
“Thank you.” She tells you and you look down at the ground before looking back up.
“I should be thanking you, this would have been me if you didn’t push me.” You say and she stares at you. This is the first time you guys talk to each other in over 3 months. “Melissa, why did you push me? Why didn’t you just let me get hit?” You ask, the guilt eating away at you.
“Why would I let you get hit? I care about you and I don’t want to see you hurt, especially if I could prevent it.” She says. “I’ll take having to walk around in a cast and with crutches, and cursing when I can’t do something the same way for a bit, if it means that you don’t have too.” She tells you genuinely and you’re speechless.
“How have you been getting to school and back?” You suddenly ask and she tilts her head at you, confused.
“Barb and Gerald have been driving me. They let me sit in the passenger seat to have room for my leg, and they help me in and out of the car.” She explains.
“Can I drive you home tonight?” You blurt out and it takes both of you by surprise. “To give them a break and as a thank you for saving me.” You tell her and she smiles.
“You don’t have to thank me.” She tells you.
“I do actually. I don't know many people who would save someone from getting hit by a car and let themselves get hit instead.” You tell her and she looks down and blushes.
“If you really want, then sure. I’m sure Gerald and Barb would like the break.” She says and you nod.
“Ok, I’ll come to your classroom after school then.” You say and she nods and you walk to your classroom. Melissa watches you walk away and she sighs contentedly. Maybe she can make it up to you after all.
Ava saw the interaction and passes by Melissa. “You might want to interact with her while you still can.” Ava tells her and Melissa looks at her confused.
“What is that supposed to mean?” She asks.
“It means that she gave her notice a couple days ago. After the year is done then she’s not coming back.” Ava tells Melissa, and if she didn’t have crutches then she would have fallen right there.
“She’s leaving?” Melissa mutters but Ava hears her and nods.
“Like I said, interact with her while you still can. There’s 3 weeks until school is done.” Ava says and walks away.
Melissa feels like the weight that once crushed her 3 months ago came back. You were leaving Abbott in 3 weeks and she didn’t know why. She thought you loved it here.
At the end of the day, she’s sitting at her desk when you come and knock on her door that’s open, signalling your presence.
“Ready to go?” You ask and she looks at you. You were probably never going to tell her that you’re leaving, this favour you’re doing is the only thing that you’ll probably do as a thank you before leaving. You were probably just going to finish up the last 3 weeks, and not mention to anyone that you’re leaving. And just leave them to figure it out when they don’t see you again. A bit of anger courses through her at that.
“Why are you leaving?” She asks you and you look at her stunned. You told Ava to not tell anyone, you just want to leave quietly.
“Ava couldn’t keep her mouth shut I see.” You say and her face gets more stern. “I’ll tell you in the car.” You say and she takes that compromise. You help her up and then walk beside her all the way to your car. You take her crutches and help her stay up as she gets in the car and then put the crutches in the back seat.
You get in and start the car and start the way to her house. You see her looking at you and you sigh and take a breathe before answering her question.
“I’m leaving because I have too ok.” You start and she looks confused. “I don’t belong here anymore. I made a couple friends with teachers but nothing too serious. I feel lonely here and all the students and teachers know that you got hit because you saved me. Do you know how many weird looks I get from people daily? I lose count. And I feel guilty everytime I see you or when I hear your crutches. You’re the only one who made me feel welcomed when I got here, and then I cut you and everyone you know at Abbott out of my life. So now I have no one. I figured it was best to leave and just start fresh.” You tell her.
“And you weren’t going to tell anyone?” She asks.
“There’s no one to tell.” You tell her casually and with a shrug. That got to her, the way you said, like you accepted it.
“You told Ava not to tell anyone.” She says.
“That’s because I didn’t want anyone asking why I’m leaving.” You say and glance at her.
“How many of my texts did you read?” She blurts out and she sees you tense. “I saw they got delivered to you, a week before the accident.” She tells you and you sigh.
“I came home after a bad date and I felt vulnerable so I unblocked your number.” You tell her and she gets surprised by you having a date, that means you’re dating again. Melissa decided to break up with Gary and swore off dating forever, not wanting the drama and pain it causes. “I read all of them.” You admit and her eyes go wide. She thought you would never see a single one and it was her way of therapy for losing you.
“I thought you would never see them.” She says and looks down.
“Well whatever the reason you sent so many must have helped as you moved on.” You tell her and snaps her head up at you. “You said so in the last text and you seemed lighter, the week before the accident.” You say. “It’s part of the reason why I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” You admit.
“What are the other reasons?” She can’t help but ask.
“The fact that I cut you out of my life and you eventually stopped trying to talk to me. I thought you’re the queen of cutting people out and not having any emotional attachment to people that you cut out. Also, I thought you’d be happy with Gary and forget about me.” You tell her and that stung her.
“I broke up with me and I swore off dating.” She tells you and you let out an airy laugh.
“Ya right. Melissa, I know you, you want to be loved, you want to spend your days with someone. For them to give you physical affection and you love cooking for people that you love and want to show that you care.” You tell her.
“You’re right, I want to spend my days with the right person. But that person cut me out of her life because I fucked it up.” She tells you and you’re glad there’s a red light or else you might have made a mistake while driving. “So yes, I gave up because I didn’t see a point.” She tells you and you turn into her neighbourhood. You’re silent for the minute it takes until you pull up in her driveway and then you turn to look at her.
“Why didn’t you choose me then?” You ask her. “I gave you a choice. You told me on Valentine’s Day that you chose me then 2 days later you said you're not choosing me anymore.” You obviously still have anger about what happened.
“I went home and did start to talk to Gary to break up with him. But I never got so much support and understanding that I got from him from anyone else, including Joe. It felt nice and I got confused. I broke up with him a week later but by then it was too late, I already lost you.” She says and a tear rolls down her cheek from remembering how it felt to lose you. “Y/n, it took me 3 months to not always feel the pain of losing you. All I wanted was to talk to you, for you to have me back in any way that you were comfortable with, because I just wanted you in my life. I looked lighter like I moved on but I didn’t, it seemed like that because I was adjusting to life without you, I was finally forcing myself to accept that you weren’t going to be in my life again.” She tells you and looks you in the eyes. “Then I saw that car coming right for you and you didn’t notice. So before I even thought about it, I was running towards you and pushed you to safety, knowing it was you or me that was going to get hit. And I chose for me to get hit, because I care about you. And honestly, if I knew everything that was going to happen, I would have still done it.” She tells you and a tear rolls down your cheek.
She goes to wipe it away but you beat her to it. You turn away from her and wipe your eyes. “Come on, I’ll help you get to your house then I’ll leave you be.” You tell her and she grabs your arm and you look at her.
“You have never been in my way. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I regret not breaking up with Gary when I should have, I regret not choosing you when you gave me the option. There’s so many things I regret and they all centre around you. I regret all the things that made me lose you.” She tells you sternly, making you understand the importance of what she’s saying. You look at her and see how vulnerable she’s being and you’re stunned, she’s never this vulnerable to anyone. Without thinking, you lean in and kiss her. Melissa is stunned for a second then kisses you back. She missed you and even though she only had a few kisses with you, she still remembered what it was like and missed being intimate with you. You pull back a few seconds later with fear in your eyes. “What’s wrong?” She asks you as soon as she sees your eyes.
“I don’t know what came over me. I mean we’re both trying to move on and then I go and do that.” You say and she laughs. You look at her and furrow your eyebrows, confused as hell.
“Oh y/n, I gave you a whole love confession and you think I could ever move on from you?” She asks and your brain goes blank. “You’re adorable. You’re so smart but so clueless. I love you y/n, I always will. No matter what happens, my heart will belong to you.” She tells you and she cups your cheek. “Whether you forgive me or not, whether we’re ever together or never together, if you cut me out of your life forever or let me back in. Even if you break my heart or decide to spend your life with someone else and I have to watch. I will always love you. These past 3 months, I’ve been loving you from a distance. Every day it broke my heart but I never stopped loving you.” She tells you.
“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. And I’ve watched so many romance movies and read so many romance novels, been to multiple weddings and never heard anything as sweet as that.” You tell her and she gives you a watery smile. She goes to pull her hand back when you don’t react further but you grab it and place it back on your cheek and lean into her touch. You undo your seatbelt and lunge forward and kiss her.
“Woah!” She says as it takes her by surprise. Your lips land on hers and she immediately kisses you back. You pull back after a few seconds and look at her.
“I love you too.” You simply say and she smiles. “I’m not even going to attempt a speech because it will never come close to yours.” You tell her and she giggles.
“I don’t need one. I know how you feel about me. I see it in your eyes and feel it in your kisses.” She tells you.
“You should seriously stop talking, because you’re saying all the sweetest things.” You say and she gives you a kiss.
“As much as I would love to stay in this car with you, my butt is going numb.” She tells you and you get out of the car, grab her crutches and open her door. She uses you to push herself up and balances herself with the crutches. You help her into her house and onto her couch. You feel out of place here and you don’t really know what else to do so you say goodbye.
“Well if you don’t need anything else then I’ll just go.” You tell her and she tilts her head at you.
“You don’t want to stay?” She asks.
“Well do you need help with anything else?” You ask.
“You don’t have to help me with something as a reason to stay.” She tells you and sees the conflict in your eyes. “Well it would help if you stayed. Keep me company cause I’ve been really bored. Sitting here most of the evening with nothing to do. I can’t even cook a lot because that requires two hands and perfect timing. And I wouldn’t mind some cuddles. You were right about that too, I crave physical affection from a partner.” She tells you and you make your way over and sit beside her on the couch. You don’t miss the way she beams when you decide not to leave.
“I knew you were a big softie.” You tease and she glares at you.
“If you tell anyone-”
“You’ll what?” You counter and raise your eyebrows, questioning her threat.
“Well I wouldn’t do anything to you but I’ll have to kill them.” She says and you laugh, knowing her threat is empty.
“I do forgive you btw, for what happened. Do you forgive me for what happened to you?” You ask her and she’s confused.
“Y/n, there was nothing to forgive, you didn’t do anything.”
“If I paid attention then it wouldn’t have forced you to save me.” You tell her.
“Y/n, like I said there’s nothing to forgive, but if it makes you feel better then I forgive you.” She tells you and you hug her. You have your arms wrapped around her neck and body pressed to hers. She puts her hands on your back cautiously then hugs you back. Feeling this is more intimate than any kiss she had with her exes. It’s a hug full of love, of promise to not letting each other go again. And you both keep that promise till death do you part.
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hey!!! ive been reading your sephiroth fanfics recently and it has been such an intricate work of art i genuinely feel the emotion and love put into it, your writing is just perfect in terms of how you write his character! i was wondering if i could request a seph x reader maybe during or post advent children and is really angsty with some fluff regarding his return??? it's vague (sorry😭) but i know if you did take up on it youd do fantastic!! 💖🫶🏻
liberabo volucres 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪
sephiroth (ffvii) x reader
┊ ˚➶ notes ｡˚ 🎼
omg you are literally so sweet!!!! thank you so much for this request, although i don’t think i did it justice 😭 i wasnt quite sure how to go about this considering after advent children, the remnants of seph faded into the lifestream (i think?) so it’s more angsty with lots of mentions of kadaj, but i hope you like it either way!! i’m glad you enjoy my sephiroth fics and don’t hesitate to send more asks!! love this one 💕
┊ ˚➶ warnings ｡˚ 🎼
mentions of kadaj and remnants of seph, written in a yearning type of way where you still have a hole in your heart left from sephiroth, don’t ask where you came from at the beginning!! just enjoy it 😭, intended lowercase, mentions of kissing kadaj’s forehead, lmk if i missed anything!!
┊ ˚➶ word count ｡˚ 🎼
1327 words, 7173 characters
. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄
“cloud,” your voice only a faint whisper as you called out to the blond, “what did you do?” he lifted his head, his skin glossier with the droplets of rain falling on his face. his eyes widened at the sight of you, chest still rising and lowering rapidly as he recovered from his battle with sephiroth. how foreign that name felt on your tongue, now.
you got up from your hiding spot beyond the debris, knees aching from how long you were crouched as your feet slammed against the flat surface of the floor. you watched as your kadaj’s catlike slits for pupils— pupils that constantly reminded you that he was still apart of sephiroth, despite his role as being only a remnant of your lover— flickered towards you with whatever energy he had left. the corner of kadaj’s lips quirked upwards ever the slightest as you rushed over him, cloud moving out of your way as he stood up.
cloud’s words, albeit firm, lay dormant in your brain, “he was going to kill me—kill us all.” and even with his sharp tone, you didn’t pay him any mind. the only thing you could focus on was kadaj’s eyes trained on yours, scoffing as he rasped out, “such— a drama.. queen.” you softly shushed him, watching as his eyes became emptier by the minute. your throat stung as a choked sob threatened to escape its enclosure behind your uvula. kadaj lifted his hand only for you to grasp it, moist leather clutched in your palm as you placed it back to his chest. he intertwined your fingers, a wince leaving his lips as you held his head up.
it took everything not to look away from him. his hair, his eyes, even the way he smelled, reminded you of sephiroth. sometimes, you wish it had been different. you wish you would’ve been there when it had happened, and even now, your memory’s fuzzy of the events. all you remember was the day sephiroth left you, and you haven’t stop thinking about him since. you wished he had come to you, and apart of you was angry. maybe you were angry that he left you with no word, or maybe angry that instead of opening up to you, he decides to burn a village down in his spiral, or maybe you weren’t angry at all.
you paused, taking another look at kadaj’s furrowed eyebrows and his lidded eyes. you wonder if this is how sephiroth felt upon his notice of who he really was— what he really was. he was only in his twenties when it happened, you couldn’t have imagined how he felt. you remembered; his friends, gone and turned against shinra, and with all the pressure on him about the cover-up, you thought that maybe it wasn’t entirely his fault. you realized now, that you can’t get what you want from this world without taking it yourself. saying please didn’t scratch the itch in the back of your throat the way that anger did, and you assumed sephiroth felt the same.
clasping kadaj’s hand, he let out a weak sigh. you let your hand, although shaky and so weak that you can’t make a fist, card a piece of his hair out his face; your heart ached at your hands in his silver hair, mind racing back to when you’d brush sephiroth’s hair for him. a true honor, you’d always call it.
the way kadaj’s eyes widened and his ears perked up made you pause, like he was listening for something. even with cloud’s tense presence behind you, you refused to let go of the part of sephiroth, your part of sephiroth. the only part you had of him left. you couldn’t be angry at cloud. he was only doing what he thought was best— and in the end, maybe it was for the best, you thought. you couldn’t even be angry at yourself, your mind only clouded with grief as your sniffles and teary sighs filled the air.
the sound of kadaj’s arm moving, leather rubbing against itself, interrupted your soft cries as he lifted his hand up to the sky. a soft whisper of, “mother—?” left his lips.
your hand snaked up and you rubbed your thumb against his cheek, watching as he turned his head towards you slowly. a teary sound left your lips, you weren’t even sure if it was a sob or a laugh. but you leaned down, pressing one last kiss to his forehead as his eyelashes fluttered, just the way sephiroth’s did when you’d lay with him in the morning where golden rays would seep through the curtains and shine onto your beloved.
all good things must come to an end, you realized, as you watched the only physical evidence that sephiroth had coexisted with you fade into the lifestream, his arm fading into reduced crystallized mako. you closed your eyes, shoulders heaving as you tried stifling your thick cries; after all, cloud was still behind you. you held onto kadaj’s hand until it was no more, his body being lifted up and vanishing although you couldn’t bear to watch it. and you didn’t open your eyes, not for a long while, in hopes that maybe you’d be back in the comfort of your home as you heard heavy footsteps trail behind you to the kitchen, sephiroth’s content face across from yours at the dinner table. and you didn’t open your eyes until you heard a low hum, beyond the loud sounds of the rain hitting the concrete, beyond your own shaking breaths. this couldn’t have been cloud, you thought. your head lifted up and squinted so as to not get any rain in your eyes.
and there he was— or more so a faded version of him. even in the rain, you couldn’t help but gawk at him in awe, his hair flowing so gracefully even in the humidity of the rain. even if you were dreaming, you’d wish you would never wake in hopes of spending one last minute with the one you held dearest to your heart. one last moment with sephiroth and you’d feel like you’d finally be complete.
his eyes, still sleek and catlike how you always remembered, almost look amused. he held a smile at you, his head cocking at the sight. you didn’t want to think of the possibility that this was just a hallucination of your grief. this was more than that. sephiroth was more than that.
he gave you a nod, a nod of which you didn’t understand. ever so esoteric, you thought. the way he always was after nibelheim. you sat back on your haunches, your knees still against the wet, cold floor— taking one last look at sephiroth before he turned around. his head tipped back, fingers twitching as he let himself face the sky, until he finally let himself go and faded away as well.
your lip trembled, a teary laugh releasing itself from your throat until cloud put a soft, awkward hand on your shoulder. head turning to face him, your eyes met his. you realized now that cloud did what was best, and you couldn’t possibly blame him for that.
he cleared his throat, almost cautiously as if you’d snap at him for interrupting the silence, “we have to go. i’m sure tifa’s waiting for us.”
you sniffled, wiping your eyes from both the rain and the tears that littered your cheeks. looking back down at your lap, once where kadaj laid, you were met with emptiness. closing your eyes once more, you inhaled and let the air fill your lungs. the first deep breath of air that you’ve taken in what feels like years, one that felt fresher— almost bittersweet. and when you turned back to cloud, you gave him a firm nod.
the urge to be changed is not metamorphosis, you realized. you can’t be changed without making a change of your own.
#ffvii x reader#final fantasy x reader#ffvii fanfiction#final fantasy vii x reader#sephiroth ffvii#ffvii sephiroth#advent children#ff7 fanfiction#kadaj ff7#ff7#ff7 x reader#sephiroth#final fantasy 7 sephiroth#ffvii sephiroth x reader#ff7 sephiroth x reader#sephiroth x reader#sephiroth fanfiction#final fantasy vii sephiroth#sephiroth crescent#advent children x reader#kadaj x reader#remnants of sephiroth#kadaj#ffvii kadaj#kadaj ffvii#kadaj advent children#ODOTTIE *･῾ ᵎ⌇ ⁺◦ 💘 ✧.*#kiss kiss
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is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry
Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut
I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.
i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more
Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion
I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.
I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover
Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best
#summarizing the multiparagraph long response the important part is that healing and getting better is possible regardless of whether you're#a system or not and also do not give up hope#ask
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hiiiii, I was thinking about how the members of seventeen would react to you working at Marvel, you being Black widow 🥺🥺Thank you❤️💗
heyyy I kinda wrote something similar to this here if you were interested. xo
However, Black Widow is hot and writing about supportive Seventeen is one of my favorite things ever so I got you <3 p.s SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER
Song used to write this: Black Widow by In This Moment <3
(any other emocarats out there? god dammit I love In This Moment.)
p.s.s I wrote member x afab reader <3
-> S. Coups:
When you got the call that you successfully got the role for 'Black Widow' you called Seungcheol quickly after. He shouted the news to the members who he was with and soon you had thirteen men shouting congratulations to you. Seungcheol would try to come over as soon as he could be to celebrate with you 1 on 1.
-> Jeonghan:
Jeonghan had sat next to you waiting for news. When the phone call finally came, he held your hand as you both listened to the call. When the call confirmed you were about to be Black Widow he would have the biggest smile on his face. Like- of course you were the best person for this role. You're hot, Black Widow is hot. He was so excited to see you perfect this role.
-> Joshua:
You ran into the living room where Jisoo and Seokmin were watching a movie while calling Jisoo's name. He paused the movie and looked up at you who was basically jumping up and down, "I got the part for Black Widow!" You told both of the guys in your living room. They both jumped up and cheered with you. Jisoo kissed your temple and just felt so much pride on your behalf.
-> Jun:
When you told Jun you were auditioning for Black Widow, he was 99.99% sure you were getting that part. So when you got the news you were going to be the next Black Widow, he literally said "I told you so!" He was so proud of you and would pick you up and spin you around. Cute all around <3
-> Hoshi:
You would get the call as you were both on your way to a date. You would put the phone on speaker so Soonyoung could hear the news at the same time. When the producer informed you that you were the new Black Widow he quickly pulled over so he could give you a hug and congratulate you properly. He would feel so emotional about this news and would be staring at you with even more pride than he had for you before.
-> Wonwoo:
Oh Wonwoo... This Marvel stan would get a hard on when he found out his sexy as hell girlfriend gets to be the sexy spy "Natasha Romanoff." If anyone could do it other than ScarJo it was you. He would ask for you to bring the outfit home just so he could see what you look like in it. *wink wonk*
-> Woozi:
You forwarded the email to Jihoon as soon as you got it before you read it. Once you were brave enough to read it you were in shock. How the hell did you manage to become Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow?! Jihoon came over as soon as possible with flowers and your favorite food with the biggest smile on his face. He loved seeing people in his corner succeed and seeing his favorite girl succeed was perfection to him.
-> Dokyeom:
Seokmin jumped for joy as soon as he heard the news that his beautiful girlfriend was going to star in a Marvel movie as Black Widow? He would brag about it to the other members like: "yeah your partners are cool and all but are they going to be Marvel's next Black Widow?" He would be so cocky about your accomplishment it was heartwarmingly hilarious.
-> Mingyu:
The pride this man felt when you told him that Marvel casted you was unmarked. Mingyu would pull you into a hug and just coo at you because that's his girl. His little superstar. When you told him you were auditioning, he already was planning on where you both would go to celebrate. He would just be so proud of you and would be your biggest fan on social media as well.
-> Minghao:
You would text Minghao to come over because you had to tell him something. He would rush over thinking it was something bad but when he realized you were okay and just wanted to share that you got Black Widow he would be so proud and excited. He would pick you up and spin you around before pressing a kiss on your lips. He was your biggest fan and knew that you deserved this role and many more roles in the future.
-> Seungkwan:
Like I said in my other post, Seungkwan is your personal cheerleader. So like Jeonghan, he would be sitting next to you as you got the call and would cover his mouth when you both got the news. As soon as you hung up the phone you both just started screaming fueling off each others excitement and energy.
-> Vernon:
Oh my lanta, Chwe Hansol would be SO proud of you when you got the role of Black Widow. He would be with you every step of the way. He would do things to show you how proud he was instead of just saying he was proud of you. Not to say that he wouldn't be vocal to you, he just wouldn't be as vocal imo.
-> Dino:
ngl expect a Seokmin 2.0 with Channie lol. He would be so proud of you, he would brag about it to anyone who listened. The type of guy to pull up a picture of you and just be like "LOOK AT MY BABY, SHE'S A BADASS?!?!!" He might get roasted by members when he would get this way because "what's it like having a girlfriend that's more cool than you?" Bullying victim aside, you couldn't erase the smile away from him. He just was so proud of you.
#wonuwrites#seventeen#svt x reader#seventeen reactions#svt fluff#wonwoo#jeonghan#hoshi#joshua#jun#s coups#woozi#dk#dokyeom#mingyu#the8#the 8#minghao#seungkwan#vernon#svt#hansol#dino#dino svt#Black Widow#natasha romanoff
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please don’t let kathony go, i love your essays ! i aint gonna watch s3 in no way (other that kanthony clips)
This is such a sweet ask!! Thank you so much anon <3 I am so so happy a good number of yall enjoy my essays, it really makes it worth it
To put your fears to rest, I will never fully let them go! They were my first and all time favourite HR couple and book I ever read (I skipped TDAI when reading the Bton books cos I already watched the story on screen first lol).
What I meant here:
Was that letting go of them and S2 did me a WORLD of good. Especially reading more HR, it just made me less insane (derogatory) and upset about how badly they adapted TVWLM. However, this is my personal choice of course! I just suggested it if anyone wants to feel less angry all the time about this show.
This is definitely an unpopular opinion with Show Kathonys and I will take that but it is my opinion: I do love Jimone and their interpretations of the characters, as well as some of the better changes of the show (See: The Bee Scene and Accident) but disrespectfully, the plot and storytelling was SHIT.
I just adore the book far too much and always pictured Jimone when I read the book (fun fact: I called Simone's casting a couple weeks before it was announced while reading TVWLM for the first time!!). This is probably why I was so upset with the progression of S2 especially the end of Episode 4 onwards and I have never rewatched S2 since that first week. I think I've only seen the whole season three times. After internalising how shitty Kathony was treated alongside the character assassination of Bookwina and sidelining the best stepmom ever Mary, it's just too painful to watch now. I don't mind edits and compilations though. But the actual full season (Featherflops and all?) gives me psychic damage. Hence why, I'm 'letting go' of the show. Never Kathony, especially not the ones from the books and a mishmash of the book and show version! They'll always have my heart for being the very first HR couple and characters I saw so so much of myself in for the first time in my life.
I may have a new fave HR couple - AlexGen from What I Did For A Duke by Julie Ann Long - I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!! - but Kathony and TVWLM will always be Top 5 of my lists. Don't worry, there will always be essays - just more on HR and films in general moving forward because honestly I don't really see myself blogging about S3 even to criticise it. I prolly won't even watch tbh but I will be putting out a post on how to watch and not engage with it before it drops! I cannot be bothered and do not want give the show anymore exposure anywhere.
#I literally got so emotional reading this ask#I just get so touched when people say they like my essays like ME?? MY writing???#Bridgerton#Bridgerton S2#Kathony#Kate Sharma#Anthony Bridgerton#The Viscountess Answers
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not to be mentally ill but today when i went for a walk in a nature reserve i was climbing a hill and it was cold but so so sunny and everything looked beautiful and i saw so many cool things and i stood there and was like damn what's this feeling in my chest and why am i smiling so much?? my guy,, it's called fucking happiness. i was just present and content in the moment and couldn't contain myself so kept doing the silly arm shake thing i do and grinning at everything and then was like woah what's this feeling. fuckin, happiness dude.
#think the arm shake thing might be stimming (??) i referred to it as pogging and was informed that i've been using that word incorrectly#but yeah stimming ig#the arm shakes!! we all know them...#anyway do you ever get the feeling that other people experience happiness differently to you?#idk last week i was v depressed and now ive had a couple days in a row where ive been giggling with people and ive been cuddled and kissed#and today i took myself off on a walk and i was so so happy and then as i was walking back to my car#i had the gut wrenching feeling that i needed to text my parents that i'd been outside and had a good day and saw multiple cool animals#and that i loved them. because i suddenly got really worried that i would die on the way home and no one would know i'd been really happy??#even though id literally sent my bestie loads of photos and texts and a literal voice note while staring at a robin lol#anyway and then i was floored by the realisation that i carely deeply about whether i died or not#because i was pmsing last week and that is a terrible time for me and i end up being kind of passively suicidal ig#so to have such a big change in the space of a week was a huge shock#these tags are sooo incoherent and span so many emotions#i promise i've had a really lovely day. i just am anxious all the time and depressed sometimes#in a way that is harder to predict now my periods have stopped.#im realising this is the kind of stuff that should probably go in my diary but i've got this far with the tags that i can't be asked.#if anyone is still reading#you do not have to respond to this or like it in any way. i promise lol
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i somehow forgot that all knitting photos posted on here get abundantly reblogged by randos and now people are in my replies condescendingly explaining that picot bind offs aren’t too hard actually
they only mean well by this and i hope they never see me complaining about them and if they do they shouldn't internalize anything about it. but it really irritates me anyway
#if i was sincerely concerned about it i would not post in the next sentence that i am not worried about it and confident in my ability#to learn new knitting techniques as needed.#i admit that this is just me being dickish to well intentioned people. but i really hate it when someone is like 'you've got this!!!'#to a STRANGER on a random post that is not specifically asking for emotional reassurance and is instead just. about something#like oh? you're so much better at knitting than me that you're qualified to start contentlessly life coaching me about it?#you can tell that because you read one sentence of my tags?#this doesn't apply to literally any of you btw because first of all you've been around enough to have actual context on any given post#making any reassurance you provide into something that is not just a smug assumption that you're in a position of expertise relative to me#but an actual like. social interaction#and second of all because none of you do this. if you cheerlead me it's on posts where that makes any sense to do and i might want it#and if you provide advice it. is advice. and has content. and again. is usually more solicited and always isn't from strangers.#this is purely how i feel about it when someone who i don't know and has never seen me before acts like i obviously need reassurance#that it is possible to learn to do a bind-off. i self-teach new knitting techniques constantly! leave me alone!!!!
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...You're really sure they both forgive me for what happened? Cuz I fucked up really badly this time.
I'm sure. It wasn't your fault, Bubby.
...
Well then, I forgive Gordon for stealing my chips that one time too, then. And the dip. And for leaving crumbs all over the couch. And for not washing his damn hands before touching the remote.
I'm surprised you even remember all that, but umm? Thanks?
You're welcome, fucking nasty little sewage boy.
Hey!
*(The fire continues to shrink in size, becoming a much smaller version of what it was before.)*
I have the blanket! Apologies for the holdup, I had forgotten that we had taken the large one with us upstairs last night and had spent a rather lengthy amount of time looking for it down here! Hopefully this can help!
...I may have overestimated the size of the fire. Do you still need the blanket?
Yes, please. Thank you.
*(The large blanket is thrown over the stovetop. Without the fire in the way, the dials behind it become clear- they're all turned off. Dr. Coomer is able to hold onto the blanket with his limb enhancers, and keeps it in place for a moment while they wait.)*
Thank you, Harold. Sorry about the mess.
It's no trouble.
Just maybe let me do the cooking for a little while.
Fine, I can do that.
*(Dr. Coomer lifts the blanket. The fire is gone.)*
#asking bubby#asking player#asking coomer#part 1#OOC i hope this came across alright! trying to stay in character for this one while also progressing at a good pace was surprisingly hard#um i'm trying not to leave these little notes here because i think leaving stuff in the tags here might break immersion a bit but#idk this got kinda heavy really fast so i wanted to apologize if anything felt weird here#i'm probably only gonna do these at the end of big scenes/sections- like ao3 notes y'know?#bubby is fun but also really difficult to write and he's also grappling with Big Emotions- something he also sucks at communicating#poor [redacted] barely even has a sense of self yet and he's already been thrown into literal fire here#i'm stopping here for the night but the day isn't done yet#thanks to everyone who sent in asks! i hope this was as fun for you as it was me#and to everyone who's been sending me all those kind messages i see you and i love you and i need you to know that. thank you <3#i'll shut up now but thank you for reading!#st au#stuck together au
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as someone who knows absolutely nothing at all about horses / horse riding, i am. obsessed. with all the king's horses. i loved the new chapter 🥰
Ahhhh thank you so much for reading!! I know this AU is very niche (and that myself and maybe like three other people are the target audience lol) but I am just so thankful for all of the support it has received and that people are still willing to give it a chance! I have so much fun working on it (and was literally flatting my horse after work today day dreaming about the fic lol) and I love horses SO MUCH so getting to combine these two things makes me extra happy! Thank you SO MUCH for reading, and if you ever have any horse questions let me know! I've been trying to make things clear to not horse people as well, but if I ever get too "nerdy horse girl" about it let me know! Thank you for reading and your kind words about the new chapter and sending this ask!! I hope you had a wonderful Friday and that you have the best weekend!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#fanfiction#keep it kind#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#All the King's Horses#Equestrian AU#literally this fic has consumed my thoughts#I had the arena to myself today and I was just cantering around on a loose rein lost in thought#granted that probably wasnt the safest thing for me to be doing but it's fine Pop is pretty safe and i know his like three moves so well#muscle memory usually takes over when he does anything silly#which he didnt#other than being a little excited about his lead changes lol which is very normal for him#he gets super excited and is like I DID IT MOM#omfg i love him so much#i started crying while grooming him today because i love him so much#and i had seen an article about a trailer accident and just got all emotional because horses are so special and so delicate#ugh#sorry that got heavy#thank you for reading!!
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Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do? and What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it? (Alun)
Big Ol’ Honkin’ OC Question List
Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?
I wouldn't say Alun gets jealous per se, instead what she feels is something more akin to protectiveness and spite to some extent - the way and the intensity of it varying of course depending on the person. In that regard Alun is usually very calm, she doesn't carry a sense of possessiveness over people for multiple reasons; one being that I hardly imagine Alun being a monogamous person, but going deeper into it would be that because of her lifestyle and past experiences, she wouldn't want to be heavily romantically invested to someone so she nips it at the bud before it can even get to the point of bubbling such a feeling.
Specifying a bit HOW she feels, when it comes to being protective of someone she does care about - Alun isn't exactly bothered about them being with someone else. Still, it is a lingering feeling of 'Is this person good enough for you?, Are they able to keep you safe? Will they hurt you?' that can make her somewhat hostile to this other party, or even seem jealous. When it comes to spite, it is usually aimed at partners she doesn't care as much about - people that tend to be more physical with her and, ironically enough, people that try to make her jealous. Most times, people with this kind of dynamic already have a nasty attitude coming from Alun, of overall being a prick and not pleasant - she'd often describe such people as her leftovers, if the other party wants that then she is more than fine with it. It's usually in a degrading way to both people, which can also seem like spiteful jealousy.
Alun neither feels bad nor regrets either situation, she feels entitled to both feelings in the way that A) She is seeking the best for that person when being protective to the point of being horrible to them, and B) She was never in an emotional tie to care about being spiteful to someone, often lacing it with the fact that she would have most likely warned them that things would be like that. Both are not exactly good, both her behaviors and her reasoning for them are rooted in deeper issues within herself that just flower up in such a way.
What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?
I think the main thing that comes to mind is her inability to emotionally connect or rely on people, though I realize Alun has many varying obstacles in all categories (go girl!) so for this I'd just go down the list.
Emotional; to explain this better I'll dip toes a bit into some past stuff as Alun has been on an emotional rollercoaster since she left the Steppes - which was the exact opposite of what she used to be like, in quite the opposite, she had experienced little and none during her time living there, to the point of getting into a 'stunted' personality and emotional. There was far too much to address and to live once she left, and hardly any care for it at the time as if one decided to eat a huge hearty meal after being starved for weeks. As expected, it didn't go too well which leaves the current times not too different from what she used to be - there was a myriad of situations and feelings she had never properly experienced truly, and the main and lingering one at the current times is love and grief. What slingshot Alun into the current person she is, how she behaves, and how she emotionally responds to things and people is the loss of a loved one caused by herself, perhaps the only one she deemed true in her life despite never truly allowing room for another after that accident happened.
It is one of the biggest themes when it comes to Alun as a person in a deeper sense of her character (and something plastered all over her aesthetic tag) but particularly this encompasses the feeling well.
"my death will forever cling to you, leaving behind a slimy trail and a metallic taste in your mouth. my soul will forever drag you down like the heavy corpse of a long-dead god, who somehow still grants wishes. you can't tell which one of us is the one not letting go. you know not even your own death will end this."
This branches out in other aspects of her obstacles per se but I believe it to be the biggest of them, realistically she should get over it - but the damage made by her and to her due to such feeling is the one thing that I find it incredibly hard to see Alun surpass as it grew into an enormous knot between emotion, physical and social all. She is constantly haunted by it, in her dreams and losing sleep over it, it follows her in a personality adopted by herself and traits that did not belong to her, she sees them in shadows and the corners of her eyes during medication, the crystal necklace being the only thing she has from them - that sometimes seems to talk to her with that same voice. And she has questioned her sanity before due to it all, even when she is doing good or when she is completely awake it is there as a constant ringing of what happened will be shackled to her. So it ends up reflecting an unfulfilled bond, in guilt and fear that she has to surpass to truly, emotionally connect with someone. I don't think she needs to get over ALL of these to make it happen personally, but because of the type of person she is, it is very easy for the other side to fuck up in the way and have Alun retract from any progress made.
Alun is bitterly aware of it, it has come into the topic before and she recognizes it as the issue it is when she began questioning her own sanity due to it, but she isn't trying to overcome it in any way. She has, as a character, gone full circle where she hated the lack of motion her life had brought her, only to willingly walk back into it herself - Alun is 'comfortable' in the stillness of carrying her life as it is until she dies and hopefully can meet them again.
Physical; I think this can be addressed both in a bodily manner and a physical interaction way so I'll ramble about both. Going deeper into that, due to the scarring that such a loss left on her, the regards for her wellbeing were knocked away as well and this turned into a couple issues with her current days. She has sustained a couple injuries over the years, the worst being over her ribcage as I mentioned somewhere here before - the wound clearly affects her breathing if one has a keen eye for it. She also puts too much attention into defending that side, enough to leave room for other crucial parts of her body open as a target. Because of her behavior regarding her own body, she doesn't go through too much trouble in defending it, though of course she won't take blows if she can avoid it - but the scarrings over her are clear enough. To this point, she doesn't exactly have too many issues besides that which brings the actual bodily obstacle; her dependency on medication. Her body is usually aching, due to exertion, injuries, and the chemical response to the constant cocktail that goes inside her - usually all deafened by it. It has got to the point where she doesn't heal properly due to it, her response to a magickal approach isn't good too in both the body and mind, and on top of it, it has been affecting her inhibition and cognition to some extent. Her necklace takes part in how her body takes all of this in, but her addiction is by far her worst physical obstacle - and yet again, she is aware of it but she doesn't see it as a problem that has any other solution to it because she doesn't see the dependency as the problem, but how her body & health currently are now.
The other facet of a physical obstacle is how she physically connects to people since the emotional option is usually out of the picture. This is the way that Alun will gladly invest herself into, though yet again it is in a destructive way as I mentioned above regarding her wellbeing. It is the easiest way to connect to her, and also the easiest way to completely shatter any opportunity to get anywhere 'closer' to her - and also what she WILL offer in most scenarios if the chance is given. This doesn't have to be romantically or sexually exclusive, and goes as far as offering herself physically to a foe [ in a fight right? :) ], ultimately, she gets the same satisfaction of being beside someone either as a partner or as an enemy. And this can go in any way, be together in combat or opposing, sharing a respite together, or in bed. With this, she is steadily building wall after wall that, as closely as it gets with the other person, she is putting her actual self further and further away while getting that high of a company she desperately wants, not that person's company but just A company. In a physically social way, I think this is the biggest obstacle and something Alun is actually not aware of - she is lonely and starved for different aspects of comfort, and she seeks all of these with the company of strangers regardless of if they are hostile or not.
Social; I think all of the above builds into her social issues and the knot I mentioned within all of these, that builds into her biggest social struggle that's her fear of getting close, her emotional distance while being physically close, how her medication aids in hindering her personality to an extent - all of these builds into Alun being a tricky individual to get close to because she is constantly shifting from cold and hot. It flickers back and forth, from friendly teasing to cruel remarks, of interest to silence, toothy grins that follow that perpetual monotone voice. Though the reason for it is an amalgam of all of the above, she has adopted many traits of the people that she knew, people that she lost, and built who she currently is as a walking monument for those. In a way, it is one of the reasons why she won't take the approach of just choosing to die - I know I posted this quote of hers here before but this is the best take I have of the creature herself about it.
“All that I am now, every memory, everything that I know, every thing that I did, every single fucking step of the way– I would give it all back t'him if it meant getting him back.”
All that she currently is is pieces put together of those that she affected somehow, that Alun blames herself for - and this shows in her very personality, in an adopted form of speech, or her preference for certain drinks, down to the very fidgeting habits she has. She does this in a conscious way while seeing that both as the person she is and someone she also won't always be - which can make it difficult if someone is after knowing Alun in a deep sense, of who she is, or keeping up with her behavior.
#asks#thank you for the ask!#this got#so incredibly long oh my god#I'm sorry NFJKDNJG AAAAAA#I was even like#hm hm I'm going to try and keep this short and not ramble too much#wHICH I DID I SWEAR#I think my favorite parts or themes about alun is#literally all of these aspects#she has so many social issues#and huge emotional issues#and physical ones too#go GIRL#and it is genuinely hard to implement all of these when writing her without being just Too Much#moreso because when writing her in a scene with someone these things won't be in their face to read like in an ask right#it will be small details that are JUST THERE#Alun poking at the crack of her horn or grinning and laughing are all signs of these things#even her speech#so I like to mull about these things a lot in my mind because they are core pillars to the character she is now even if it reflects in#too subtle ways#OK I'M SHUTTING UP NOW
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when school brings u to tearsss but u have to keep pushing thru LOL
#my fault my attn span is just so bad im so burned out and cant write two papers in the same day lol#so it took me forever fr to read a few articles and i stoll dont feel equipped to write yet but i need to start#whayever#laid on my bf for 10 min kept asking if he loved me to feel better and my motivation to finidh this shit is thay i can sleep for like 12 hr#hrs after if i want 🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️yasssss#im so tired but at least its morning now nd more ppl are awake on the dash im literally so lonely LMAOO#i hate working alone at nite w no oke awake and no one to talk to or interact w 😭😭😭😭even social media interaction#im soo silly#moved to the couch got a dr pepper and a banana health queen lolll and my build a bear moose for emotional support#</3#my paper is more afraid of me than i am afraid of it. mantra
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[cracks knuckles] ALRIGHT HERE WE GO AGAIN. I'm almost certain you know who I am by now but I have a script to follow [no I dont] and I will be following it
I'm making my way through as many 5LLSMP members as I can and making minecraft skins of them for the sillies, going by alliance-ish, and I figured I might as well do the Sillies of the Sand next. No idea how solid the alliance is but I saw it mentioned once and I was like "Yeah this seems like a good group to do" so here we are.
Just wanted to make sure it was alright with you if I did that for your guy, and also wanted to check if you had any references I could go off of since I couldn't find any [though I didn't look too hard since I've been busy.] Other MC skins, picrews, general descriptions, anything like that would be much appreciated if you're alright with it. Of course if not that is 100% ok :]
WAHHDIHSHWJDSJAW HELLO OH MY GOODNESS IT IS MY TURN TO BE CHOSEN BY THE GREAT THECOYPERSON I AM HONOURED /POS
the sillies are my beloveds they mean so much to me fjxjs.
yes yes!! i am absolutely honoured to allow you to make a skin for my guy - don’t worry about not finding anything, i never knew if i should post any references or not and so i never ended up posting anything at all fhxhsh
I do have a few picrews for him, and even my own attempt at my minecraft skin! I can definitely share them in dms if that’s alright with you king!!
i will once more cry about you, thank you for all the effort and time you put into doing this for all of us, is absolutely amazing! you really do genuinely make all of us lose our minds whenever we get to see the progress with the skins you’ve made /gen, pos
#ask#5llsmp#thatcoyperson our beloved im literally so honoured to be the next chosen person waughg#i was reading such a banger angst fic and got the notification and it was such a change of emotion#i immediately went into the server with the others and screamed about seeing your ask djxjdn
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Hello hello! I hope everything has been going well for you. I had a prompt idea pop into my head, and rushed to type this out before i forgot lol. Anyway, I was wondering if you could write Sonic having a nightmare and/or suffering from the aftermath of one and Scourge helps him through it? Or the other way around, if that speaks more to your muse. I just really want to see these two learn to be more vulnerable around each other, and there is little doubt in my mind that these two have issues and really need a hug. Have a good week!
Omg how did you know I love writing about characters having nightmares... how did you know...
~~~
One of the downsides of travelling with someone was the lack of privacy options during the night. Sonic had grown to tolerate travelling with other people - although the slower speed always got on his nerves, no matter how necessary it was - but he'd never liked sharing his sleeping space with them. On bad days he was quick to awake at some of the most minor sounds, and being stuck with several other people shifting and mumbling in their sleep or getting up in the middle of the night for some water was a terrible thing to combine with that.
And on worse days, well. Even the thought of waking someone up because his stupid brain gave him a bad dream made his skin crawl.
It wasn't that he thought sleeping around someone was a show of vulnerability. Having a nightmare in front of someone, though? That was a completely different story.
Thankfully, nightmares weren't common for him, and the rest of the Freedom Fighters knew to keep their mouths shut and not bring it up if they ever caught him having one. It was the least he was owed after saving the world's ass time and time again. Occasionally Amy or Tails tried to make him, eurgh, open up about them, but for the most part he was left alone, and they were never brought up while travelling.
Still, despite learning to tolerate travelling with other people, he couldn't help but mentally cheer whenever he could do so alone at his own pace. So getting a new mission that required speed and small numbers, and thus no group of slower friends holding him back? A blessing he was long overdue.
Well, sort of. He wasn't travelling alone, but it was Scourge who was tagging along, and the good thing about travelling with Scourge was the slower speed thing was no longer a problem.
The bad thing was he had no idea if Scourge would keep his mouth shut on the off chance of a nightmare arising.
So when they settled down for the night, was it really any wonder Sonic volunteered to take watch?
With a sigh Sonic rolled his neck for the third time that night. Just because he'd chosen to take watch didn't mean he liked it. Honestly, he was tempted to lie back and get some rest. Not sleep, he'd be just awake enough to spring into action if anything happened, as unlikely as that was, but just doze a little to rest his eyes and energy.
Maybe it was dumb to offer to take watch in the first place. They'd chosen a spot secluded enough that they wouldn't be easily spotted by any of Robotnik's troops, and fear for their safety wasn't even really a concern in the first place when he'd pitched the idea, although he'd tried to make it seem like it was, and brushed off Scourge's call of "bullshit" with a comment about being the more experienced Freedom Fighter, and thus the one more equipped to decide what was and wasn't safe, so shut the fuck up.
Scourge had rolled his eyes but reluctantly backed down, muttering about being too tired to deal with his "paranoid bullshit." The fucking hypocrisy.
No, safety wasn't his concern at all. His concern was that stupid, stupid nagging voice in the back of his mind hissing "but what if tonight's a bad night?" over and over, even though there was no fucking reason to believe it would be other than having gone several months without one.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Scourge. He did, against his better judgement. Somehow the fungus fucker had gradually kicked in the hesitations he had about lookalikes and became a trustworthy ally on the battlefield and a surprisingly hilarious friend. He was cunning and a jackass who didn't whinge about Sonic's attitude (usually) and a fierce fighter who didn't give a shit about the "morals" of fighting dirty, an attitude the Freedom Fighters desperately needed. "Clean" fighting was a nice sentiment, but just not practical in a lot of situations, and Sonic couldn't say he cared too much about Scourge's dirty tactics. Rather their side than the enemy's, after all.
Against all odds and previous bad experiences with lookalikes, Sonic trusted Scourge with his life.
With his nightmares, though? That wasn't something he was ready to expose to him yet. Not even out of fear he'd be seen as weaker or less capable for them, or out of worry they'd be used against him somehow, which was the reason he kept them hidden from everyone except close friends. It was just... a lot.
Better to just not sleep in front of him and avoid the risk entirely.
Ugh, now he remembered why he never bothered with this "taking watch" shit. He was always more likely to overthink about dumb shit if he had the whole night to himself doing nothing but sitting and watching without something or someone to keep him entertained and distracted.
Cracking his neck, Sonic settled back against the rock he was leaning against. It was a quiet night, no midnight adventurers or obnoxiously loud birds or bugs, not even any wind ruffling the leaves on the trees. Peaceful, just like the nights he remembered from when he was younger, before Robotnik came to be. If he closed his eyes he could almost pretend he was back to those days, lounging on his back and stargazing on the roof of Kintobor's old laboratory.
One day. One day they'd beat Robotnik for good and he'd be able to have as many peaceful nights as he wanted; not every night, that would be way too boring, but some nights. Depending on how much action he wanted. Any fights he got involved in would be on his terms, not tethered to stopping every scheme he stumbled across regardless of if he was in the mood for fighting or not.
His eyes fell on Scourge, who was sleeping a couple of metres away, lying on his stomach with his face buried in his elbow.
He hoped Scourge would stick around to see those nights, too. He'd probably get bored of them, even quicker than Sonic would, but that was fine. He would provide good company for the nights Sonic didn't want to sit around and spend the night in peace. He was always up for finding something fun to do no matter the time of day, something his other friends just weren't down for, and it would be fun to run around looking for ass to kick together without having to worry about a threat as huge as Robotnik looming over them.
With his eyes on Scourge it was impossible to miss the stuttered hitch in breath even if he wanted to.
There was no threat, nothing to be worked up over, a simple shift in someone else's breathing pattern was all that had changed, but somehow Sonic found himself on full alert anyway. He sat up, staring intently at Scourge, cataloguing every little twitch just in case something was wrong. Scourge's breathing grew heavy, his face screwed up, his hands balled into fists as he made a pitiful attempt to curl in on himself. A shuddering inhale, a flinch accompanied by a... not a whine, or a whimper, but some kind of noise that was definitely unpleasant-
Oh.
He hadn't considered the possibility of Scourge having a nightmare.
Sonic was torn between watching in case the nightmare escalated and made Scourge hurt himself or looking away in some kind of attempt to respect Scourge's privacy. He'd never been on this end of the situation before and he had no clue what to do. Should he wake him up? Leave him be? Stay sat down and pretend he hadn't noticed anything, or leave and come back when Scourge woke up, pretending he had something to deal with and conveniently missed the whole thing?
Fuck, he wasn't good at shit like this. That was what the rest of the Freedom Fighters were for. He didn't even know if he hated or was grateful for being woken up from his own damn nightmares, how was he supposed to know what Scourge would want?
For an entire minute he sat and stared helplessly at Scourge, frozen in place despite the urge to just shake him awake. He didn't want Scourge to continue whatever awful dream he was having, but he also didn't fancy getting punched in the face, which was a very likely option even when Scourge was awake, never mind half asleep and still pumped full of adrenaline.
Finally, though, Scourge jerked awake with a strangled gasp, still for only a moment as he refamiliarised himself with his surroundings before he pushed himself up on shaky arms, still panting.
Sonic averted his eyes just as Scourge's landed on him.
He half expected Scourge to call him out for sitting and watching him during his nightmare; he sure as fuck wasn't shy about calling him out for anything else. But surprisingly, he didn't. He just kept staring at him in silence, wrestling his breathing back under control as his gaze drilled holes into Sonic's head. Sonic didn't turn to look at him, just stared straight ahead like he was very dedicated to his self assigned role and hadn't been contemplating dozing off for the past twenty minutes.
"You still up?" Scourge said at last.
"That's what someone who keeps watch does, yes."
"You don't stay awake when you keep watch. You, like, half sleep, half keep watch."
Damn. When did he notice that?
"I'm not tired yet."
"Bullshit, but whatever."
Neither of them spoke again for several minutes. Scourge sat up against the rock, drumming his fingers against his knee to a beat Sonic couldn't follow, and joined Sonic in staring straight ahead pretending to scan for threats they both knew damn well weren't coming.
Was Sonic supposed to ask him about it? Pry into the details of the nightmare? For what? Just to seem like a good friend? Fuck, this stuff had never made sense to him. Emotions were a battlefield he was... less than prepared for at the best of times, and for more delicate shit like this, he was far from the first choice for assistance, and he wanted to keep it like that. One wrong step just made things worse for everybody, but the right step changed from person to person, and how the fuck was Sonic supposed to magically know what the correct steps and words for each person were? Fighting robots or the moronic minions Robotnik had somehow managed to recruit was so much easier in comparison.
Again, there was a reason the other Freedom Fighters handled all the emotional shit. And why Amy frequently scolded him for being insensitive.
But the other Freedom Fighters weren't there. It was just Sonic. And as much as he hated dealing with situations like this, he also didn't want Scourge to be fucked off and upset.
But he also didn't want to make Scourge feel like he had to talk if he didn't want to.
"I don't want to talk about it," Scourge said suddenly before Sonic could come to a decision on if he should say something or not.
Well. That made it easier than just blindly guessing.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
Scourge squinted at him. "You're not gonna... try and make me talk about it? Encourage me to open up about my feelings?"
"Nope."
"Not gonna stick your hero nose where it don't belong?"
"I never stick my nose-"
"Yeah you do. That's, like, your whole thing. You wouldn't run around saving people if you always minded your own business."
... Damn it, he was kind of right, wasn't he?
"Look," Sonic said, still not looking over, "do you want to talk about it?"
"Fuck no."
"Then we won't."
Scourge huffed. Out of the corner of his eye, Sonic could see him fiddling with the zip on his jacket.
"... Why? Why aren't you pushing?"
Oh boy, honesty hours. Yay.
He could just brush it off. Say he didn't care, he had better things to do with his time, hearing about it wouldn't change anything because there was nothing he could do to help. He could just be the dick he knew Scourge probably expected him to be.
... Fuck, but he didn't want to.
"I hate it when people try to make me talk about shit I don't wanna talk about," Sonic said. It sounded more like an admittance from how quiet it was, like it was a dirty little secret he was sharing with Scourge and Scourge only. Which it wasn't, he made it perfectly clear that he hated being forced to talk about shit every time someone tried to make him, but... but it was different, somehow, saying it to Scourge under the quiet blanket of the night. "If you don't wanna talk about it, I'm the last guy who's gonna make you."
"... Huh. Everyone just always tells me to talk about shit 'cause apparently it'll make me feel better."
"Yeah." Sonic turned his gaze back up to the sky. "I hear that a lot, too."
They lapsed back into silence, or at least, as silent as it could be with Scourge fidgeting with his jacket. Sonic wanted to say it was a peaceful silence, but the conversation somehow didn't feel... done.
Sure enough, eventually Scourge piped back up, voice so much smaller and... less guarded, somehow, as he said, "You're really not gonna make me talk about it?"
Sonic paused. Tapped his leg as he thought over all the possible answers. He could just keep up the reassurance, or...
Amy kept telling him he was unapproachable and difficult to talk to sometimes, and kept nagging him to work on it. Normally he didn't care because he wouldn't know what to say anyway, but he was the only one around, and if Scourge needed it...
"If you want to talk, you can," Sonic said slowly, hoping he was doing this right. "I'm not... I can't tell you I'll say anything helpful, or anything at all, 'cause we both know I'm shit at this. But I can listen."
Scourge was silent.
"I'm not saying you should, or that you have to. I'm just saying, if you want to talk, talk. If you don't, don't. Up to you, I don't care either way." Fuck, that was rude. Oh well. Scourge was fluent in rude, so it was probably fine. "Just... do whatever helps."
There. That was the best he could do in terms of support. Happy, Amy?
Scourge stayed silent for a few more seconds. Then...
"It... it was about prison." The words were halting, hesitant. Like Scourge didn't know how this worked either. Like he was trying something new with Sonic. "Nothing... fuck, it wasn't even coherent. Just random shit I thought I'd forgotten about. Stupid inmates I can't even remember the names of anymore, acting like they're hot shit just 'cause they're bigger and stronger and have a whole gang..."
Scourge trailed off, voice shaky. When Sonic turned to look at him, he was running a hand through his quills like he was reassuring himself they were still there.
They used to be shorter when he first arrived, Sonic remembered. Shorter and choppy and just barely long or sharp enough for self defence.
"Guards did nothing, y'know? They didn't care. We was just a bunch of troublemakers who got what was coming to us to them. So they just let fucking anything happen. Didn't give a shit who got hurt or who started fights or who got their shit stolen. Fuck, they kept going on about rehabilitation like it was something they gave a fuck about, but they wouldn't've even cared if someone got killed in there-"
Scourge was shaking, fist buried in his quills and tugging on them as he stared at the ground, face scrunched up in rage.
Sonic hated it. He hated that look on Scourge's face. He hated that there was something much more fragile, much more vulnerable, hidden away under that rage. He hated that there was nothing he could do to make it go away.
Wordlessly, he shifted closer until his arm brushed against Scourge's.
"Just... it was shit." Scourge's head landed on his shoulder. Sonic didn't mention it. "It was shit and I fucking hated every minute of it. That's what it was about."
Sonic hummed. He didn't have anything to say in response, because what was there to be said? But Scourge was already relaxing against his shoulder, so he probably didn't need to.
Instead, he just linked his arm with Scourge's.
This time the silence between them was comfortable. Scourge was done, Sonic was done, they were both done, no more words required. Scourge was still leaning on Sonic, and apparently neither of them saw any reason for him to move, because Sonic didn't push him away and Scourge didn't bother pulling away.
It was nice. The night wasn't cold but Scourge was warm, and it was easy to relax with him leaning on him.
Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long for Scourge to fall asleep. Well. No point in moving him, was there? Sonic was already perfectly comfortable, and he didn't need to worry about waking up with a crick in his neck from an awkward sleeping position since he needed to stay awake anyway. He was on watch after all.
By the time the sun peeked over the horizon, Sonic was slumped over Scourge, cheek smushed against his head, fast asleep.
It just didn't feel like a risk anymore.
#sonic the hedgehog#scourge the hedgehog#fleetway sonic#stc sonic#fleet!sonourge#asks#fanfic#sorry this took so long! writers block is a bitch lol#fr though i've literally been thinking about how badly i wanna write a nightmare fic for these two... you read my MIND...#damn sonic where'd you get all these issues from#man really said 'idk shit about how to handle emotions. I'll try tho. for you.'#no one else znvxnvxng if u told any of his friends sonic tried to be emotionally supportive to scourge they'd laugh in your face#and he sure as SHIT still won't touch his own messy emotions with a ten foot pole#congratulations scourge you've unlocked achievement: future boyfriend willing to fall asleep around you#like good luck trying to get him to talk about his own nightmares in the future. bc he won't. even though he probably should#scourge on the other hand is like 'fuck it. we're already trying hero shit. might as well try this talking thing everyone talks about'#'(only with you though. bc somehow i trust the emotionally stunted bastard the most with this shit)'#U know it's a fun pairing when somehow SCOURGE is the one doing better with the whole emotions thing#not by much. but still.#bc lbr. sonic ain't got a fucking clue. absolutely hopeless#anyways sorry again this took forever! hope you enjoy!
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Would you find it weird & creepy or comforting if you knew the spirit of a loved one was still lingering and was doing stuff to make themselves known to you?
#idk if u don’t like paranormal stuff maybe don’t read the next tags#nothings happened I was just remembering stuff that has happened lol and it made me emotional 😂#like not long after my grandad passed we moved into a new flat and in a part of wall that got replastered his face dried into it#he would mess with stuff in my nans house#when my baby cousin was a couple years old (he passed while my cousin was still pregnant with her) she said to her mum that there was a ma#man in the wardrobe#he said he was her grandad and asked how she was and she explained what he looked like and she was right#bare in mind she’s like 3 as well#and she wasn’t even shaken up by it because he felt friendly like it’s literally her grandad (even tho they never met😳)#other stuff has happened in my cousins house too like stuff repeatedly falling off the walls until she told my grandad off and to stop#and it didn’t happen again#TELL ME NOT TO BELIEVE IN THIS STUFF LIKE ITS SO REAL???#i lit cried remembering all this#in my humble opinion#since nothing has happened in a long time#he waited around until he could properly meet my baby cousin#and then he passed over 🥺🥺🥺#brb crying again
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im just ranting about my elementary school buddy system because I loved it
I think the feeling of “I am going to be this person’s parent” aka being the mom friend started with the buddy system my elementary school had bc they’d assign us (the 4th graders) a first grader and then you were responsible for them and it worked surprisingly well.
And I had a very caring buddy, an older girl that lived in my neighborhood, so I took that as a basis to spoil the heck out of the little girl I got.
She was the cutest little thing, so I’d always get her from her classroom for every break and bring little gift for her, and we’d play for the break or team up with my friend - we were 30 4th graders and 22 1st graders, so some kids had two buddies, which had been the plan with us, too, but my kid was a refugee and we didn’t know she’d come until two days before the school year started, so we’d planned to look after this other girl together - and play with her and the other little girl, and I don’t think I’d been prouder of anyone or anything while the year passed because fuck I adored this child. I think we both cried when the year’s end came round and I went to secondary school.
I saw her one other time, when I was in fifth grade and had a free day and visited elementary school, and she came running up to me breathing heavily and asked if I was still going to this school or if I was coming back, and wrapped me up in a fucking bear hug and I am tearing up just slightly while writing this. She stayed with us for the rest of the break.
I haven’t seen her since. She’d be ten or eleven now, I think. Man, I wonder how she’s doing now.
#that got long and you dont have to read it#i just have a lot of emotions about this child#We were technically called „paten“ and our „Patenkinder“ (godparents and our godchildren) but that‘s not literally what we were#it‘s closer to partners#but the system was basically buddy system#my classmate and friend looks so much like her its unreal#but i asked and she said she didnt know anyone by that name#on the other hand she said that half her dad’s home country is related to her#so maybe#or its just coincidence
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