I love the comic book writing sensibility that Frequency has, like how Three and Five's ending is great for the story being told but if it were a published comic it would still leave them on the table for if a future writer wanted to use them.

whats funny is that despite doing my best to keep in line with dc comics/comic writing sensibilities throughout the fic (staying as comics-accurate as possible in terms of continuity/tone/characterization/story elements etc) that particular comic writing reality was one that was like. kind of a genuine anxiety that i didn't know i had until i started writing this thing.

ive said before that in the original concept for Frequency all of the clones (besides Thad) were going to end up dead. whether it was via killing each other or unintentionally being the instrument of their own demise (disney villain style). obviously it changed because creating an entire narrative about this one character's redemption arc and then not allowing any of the other villains to have a shot at redemption felt hypocritical and like. mean. not to mention antithetical to the whole ethos of the story.

but the reason why killing off all the other clones was my first instinct is partially because i had this kinda subconscious recoil to the idea that any of them would actually continue on after the story was over.

like, because i was trying to stick to canon so much, while figuring out the story a thought came up a couple times that basically went like, "okay, well, if this was a real comic, then...". and inevitably i had a realization that if this WAS a real comic, my original clone characters would be canonized, and therefore available to any future writer who wanted to yank them out of their respective endgames and inject them into other stories. which i Did Not Like the Idea Of.

classic "making up a guy to get mad at" except it was more "making up a reality to get anxious about". because obviously no matter how much it sticks to canon, Frequency still exists in a fan-created space.

but! i'd never made up original characters to put in my own fanmade stuff before and was definitely feeling protective. because all those original clones i made had yknow: a story purpose and narrative function to facilitate the actual key characters, Thad and Bart. the idea of them being removed from that context in any capacity, even if it was in the hands of a good writer, made me have this gut "no STOP you're ruining it!!!!" reaction.

they were all made for Frequency, and to foil Thad as a character, i didnt like the idea of Three being brought back as a one-note villain or Jude and Nathaniel getting folded into the wider Flash cast of allies. and none of them were made to be main character material. plus the character roster at DC is already uhh Extremely Stacked i genuinely did not want the takeaway to be "and here's the nEW ADDITIONS TO THE FLASH FAMILY!" because that wasnt the intention

anyway i got over it lol. i still did my best not to leave any loose ends, and have each ending be wholly satisfying on its own, and ideally the oc clones basically continue on offscreen while the true adventures are based around Thad and Bart. but yeah it felt right to leave off on that note (and served the story much better than killing everybody off)

I am sorry.. most of us don’t really want to upset you, sometimes we don’t understand what we say is stupid or offensive, really

* (He doesn't even read it.)

Entire page of davepetasprite^2 doodles from someone who hasn’t reached this part in the comic yet <3333

The thing about Dick Grayson is that he is the one who's there. Whenever anyone has a problem, they go to him. Whenever they need to talk about those feelings (those rare, rare occasions), they talk to him. Which is why it always cuts deepest when his tongue turns onto them. He knows them, and he knows their deepest insecurities that they never admitted to anyone, and he knows exactly how to make it hurt the worst. Because he's the one who was there for it all. He's the one they went to. He's the one who held them and told them it wasn't true. He's the only one they ever admitted it to. And it hurts so much worse coming from him, even though they know on some level that he doesn't truly believe that. Or maybe it's especially because of that that it hurts so much. Idk.

don't mind me, just listening to a brainrotting playlist of overstimulation breakcore beats because my brain has a need :)

when i needed to go to the walk-in clinic the other day because i have a (fucking painful) ear infection, the wait time was 2-3 hours. which was frustrating but they were very short staffed, understandable. after 2ish hours in the waiting room, i was finally taken back and wasnt seen for another TWO HOURS. when my doctor came in she was like "sorry, i know the wait times are long!" and i was like "yeah about four hours haha." she apologized and i told her that it was okay because i knew it wasnt her fault and.

the RELIEF on her face. she told me "thank you, you dont know how nice it is to hear that."

we need to start being more understanding and stop being assholes to workers of every kind, especially when it's obvious that they're not having fun either.

i was so so so frustrated that it was taking so long, especially because i started to have a migraine from the lighting, but i didn't take it out on her. stop taking out your frustrations on people who don't deserve it.

I was wondering... if David didn't know that Kirk was his father then it'd have to mean that he wasn't even written in the birth certificate. There would have to be no records of David Marcus being James Kirk's son. Especially in a society Star Trek presents where you can literally find information about anyone (no privacy at all; unless something is deliberately erased or put under "no authorization").

So I wonder if Carol decided to tell Kirk to stay away even before David was born... (and if that's something I should maybe do when it comes to my fic...)

OR

maybe David knew. He looked it up and that's why he hated James Kirk in particular...

Good morning rake gang i had a real weird dream and it involved rake!

sometimes a post by a mutual will make me want to unfollow but i'll be like let's wait a few days/weeks i don't want them to know what my last straw was and then i'll forget and months later find myself in the exact same situation (with them posting something that makes me want to unfollow them)

woke up to a random drunk text from a girl who has been hitting on me since september but has a bf saying she missed me and now she's not replying to my reply 😭 the demons won last night i'd feel bad for her if she didn't literally lead me on for months lol

Back from the psychiatrist, where I get my sick leave slips. Today my usual doc was sick so someone else took over and let me tell you. Medical gaslighting, she was really good at that.

// I'm really not feeling well due to things that happened yesterday tbh so idk man. I'm gonna try to power through and not let this person continue to ruin shit for me. But it's so hard to not break down when someone lies about you and continues to invalidate how much they hurt you for months.

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i dreamt of her again

IM LITERALLY SHITTING AND DYING TO DEATH AND SCREAMING AND FUCKING AND EXPLODIKG LIKE THE FUCKIJG HORRIBLE COWOEKR FROM HELL WHO WAS MAKIJGBIUR LIVES MISERY AND WAS LITERALLY AFFECTING OUR MENTAL HELATH COZ SHE WAS SO AWFUL (and has recently finally been fired)………just fucking showed up at the psych ward today and now I have to live with HER I WANT TO KILL THIS IS ALMOST FUNNY BUT I swear to god I near had an anxiety attack when I saw her come in but anywayyy….

i: a scrapbook, worn and hoarded selfishly, because i cannot let go, though i have nothing to add. the picture inside the display has changed, though your letter remains; in the pocket of my journal, with countless others from countless others.

you: a donation box, with little hesitation. you told me once that letting go was hard; though as soon as you no longer heard my voice, you no longer heard my song. and my letter, my loving, lengthy response, ashes mingling with the dirt where it belongs.

ugh hate my brain. guy told me he had a crush on me a couple months ago while he had a girlfriend, they break up over break and he's still got a crush on me (as of thursday), he asks if i like him that way at all and i honestly say "no"

and right after that then he lets me ramble and says it's interesting and it's fun seeing me so excited about stuff. guess what fuckin happened