my sister after we served drinks for a shift at this volunteer thing: *talking about how she likes it bc she gets to socialize a lot and chat with people* me who had found the experience nice BECAUSE I didn't have to talk to people beyond 'hello what do you want, here's the drink and this is the price: ..... huh

Titbits and analysis 🖖

As promised, some more titbits from the Con yesterday in Melbourne as well as my interpretations. Prior to attending yesterday, I told myself to keep an open mind and attempt to leave any biases behind (even after having seen the funeral pics). Clean slate. To try and view Sam, the event, questions, and subsequent behaviours objectively.

I'm the sort of person who feels energy and is affected by it and in some ways governed by it. The energy of people, both individually and collectively. The energy of a group. I tend to couple this with objective analysis, which forms the basis of my conclusions about people and situations.

I applied this method yesterday in attempting to understand and view Sam, the OL money 💰 machine and everything else. I also just wanted to go there and bask in the audience and enjoy myself....and....I did like it Jamie.

So first thing I noticed off the cuff was how experienced Sam was in handling questions, and the women, and tailoring his behaviour to suit their desires. He was charming, charismatic, approachable, a skilled professional. I saw the veneer. I felt the veneer. I also saw and felt that he is a pretty decent bloke under that veneer. A man with a solid work ethic, who is mild mannered and working with purpose in his life.

I observed that his handler or Convention agent or whatever he is, Steve, was in full control. He managed Sam's performance in a sense. He asked the questions and even set the directions for some answers. Sam is controlled. I didn't like Steve. I didn't get the best vibe off him. Infact, I got a bad vibe off him. I observed that everything was a performance. Scripted to a large degree. The Single Sam narrative was pushed by Steve. Hard. It was a performance. That much was clear to me.

So Sam chose to mention that he was in Austria skiing 2 weeks ago....blah blah...something about singing a Ronan Keating song. So the script tells everyone nice and early that he is NOT with Caitriona ✅️

Later on in the panel, he mentioned that he "was at the theatre in London the week earlier" watching a play. Huh? Getting his timeline confused? Interesting titbit, I thought. Who would he go to the theatre with whilst in London? Who else likes to go to the theatre? Who have we seen him go to the theatre with before? Ding ding ding!!

One of the first things he spoke about (umprompted) and imo was part of his speaking program, was that Caitriona is back home in Scotland doing prep work and will be directing this season. He said that he spoke to her recently and that she is cold and miserable back home. No one seemed to give a shit. The women were there for their Jamie. Sam read the crowd. He understood.

Sam tried to bring Cait into the conversation again saying something like "Where's Claire?....Caitriona isn't here". Again crickets from the audience.

He said that he auditioned with a lot of Claire's, but they couldn't find the right fit and that nobody was as brilliant as Caitriona.

It sounded like he genuinely missed her.

He spoke of his audition with Cait, saying they were very physical and were almost wrestling each other. He said he was sweating all over her and that his sweat was on her. The crowd still only wanted to hear about their Jamie. I think Sam relished in being cheeky in saying that she wore his sweat that day.

Someone asked about "how do you kiss and make out with a costar and then just carry-on. Isn't it awkward"? Sam responded generally initially, saying that there's lots of checking in with the person and apologising afterwards (in a joking fashion). Then that prompted him to start talking about Cait saying that he has also "snotted" all over Cait and exchanged many body fluids with her (in an acting context presumably)and that there's nothing really left to do together that they haven't already done. I was like "whoooaa wtf Sam?". Shooketh that he said that really. The silence from the crowd was palpable. They really didn't want to hear about Cait and Sam and their shared bodily fluids whilst 'acting'. He is THEIR fantasy man. Not Caitriona's. Silence from the audience. Sam already knew that the crowd were Sam onlies but he loved telling this story. Relished in it imo. He loved the double entendre. It was an unrehearsed, unscripted conversation as it resulted from an audience question. I concluded it was an act of defiance on his behalf. That's what it felt like to me.

Steve the convention agent guy, was always bringing it back to Single Sam. "I worry how are you going to get a date" said Steve. With Sam understanding the prompt ...."I worry too" says Sam. Bachelor narrative secured ✅️

Steve spruked the Bachelor narrative again to Sam's thirsty and adoring fans....."Sam you remind me of that old show where everyone has to guess which bachelor is going to come out of the mystery door". And that's when I knew with 100 percent certainty that the bachelor talk was a ruse. It was so contrived and performative. I smiled to myself. The women in the crowd were eating it up.

Another thing that stood out to me was when Sam was searching for the right terminology when talking about Cait. "My......co star" huge pause.

"I love you Claire" is the line he randomly chose to say when explaining his acting.

When asked how he has time to foster friendships and spend time with his family he talked around it. Avoided the question and kept it about his friendships saying that they are strong friendships that endure. He diverged and started talking about how he still has his core friendships that he had when he was bunking and sharing an apartment/house with them in London when he was younger. The veneer was up. Inpenetrable.

At another point in the panel Sam asked "How many Sheila's are there here"? LOL. I found that amusing.

Now this next part captured my attention the most. It had a weird feeling (energy) around it . Sam gave off a weird energy. Almost hostile. Again that's just what I felt.

Someome from the audience named Toni with an "I" was selected to ask a question. I can't remember what the question was but Sam made a really big deal about her being named Toni. "There's always a Tony have you noticed"? Why is there always a Tony"? He said. He didn't want to drop it. He placed a little too much emphasis on it. I was laughing silently but Sam's double entendre didn't go unnoticed by me. Everyone else was clueless or at least that's how it appeared to me. Was that an Easter egg dropped by Sammy?

Asked about what does he do for self care, he seemed to struggle answering that too. He talked in circles about his way points hike and how he's learning how to live in the moment. There's that wall again.

There were many other things discussed of course but I thought I'd focus on the things that shed light on his situation and that resonated with me.

So my closing Analysis? Sam is controlled. He peforms. He caters. He's intelligent and in tune with people and aims to please but is private. Sunday just reaffirmed and solidified my beliefs. Caitriona snatched up that hard working gem of a man quick smart!

Gale Dekarios and The Wizard of Waterdeep

Aka Leif vents their brain into Tumblr again because I have Thoughts About The Wizard! Is it coherent? PROBABLY NOT I'M DOING THIS FOR FUN.

General rambling below the cut!

Firstly- this little braindump is based upon my interpretation of Gale as a Neurodivergent Individual, so I guess if you're not on the "Gale would be so fuckin into magic the gathering if he was in this realm" train, then this may not be for you. Which is fine! I'm just yelling into the void here.

Also; characters are fun because we can interpret them in different ways! This is in no way meant to stomp on anyone else's headcanons of Gale, and may even be entirely overwritten if more info comes out about him from Larian.

I wrote a ton and then fuckin lost it all but hey that's fine I can condense it WAY more now. So let's go, bullet points!

Gale of Waterdeep is Gale Dekarios' mask.

If you don't know what Masking is- a quick definition for ya-

Neurodivergent masking refers to the practice of concealing or suppressing aspects of one's neurodivergent traits or conditions, in order to fit in with the norms of the workplace or society.

Let's begin at the beginning-

Gale as a child would have been insufferable. He was a prodigy, yes, but also clearly lacked proper consequences for his actions (his punishment for Blackstaff hijinks in his first year? Writing lines. HE OPENED A PORTAL TO LIMBO AND ALMOST DIED). This may be due to Mystra's influence, even if it was indirect, but there's no faster way to alienate a child from their peers than to both mark them as Very Special and let them get away with everything. Gale's magical education likely left his social education lacking.

As Gale's also mentioned that he was a prodigy, and was using 4th level spells (summon elemental) when he was living at home (at least part of the time), he may even have been younger than his fellow first year apprentice wizards when he was admitted- further isolating him. He specifically says he was a child when he, uh, "borrowed" the blackstaff- we just don't know how old Blackstaff first years tend to be.

Also, from Gale's story about the Blackstaff, he seemed to be attending Wizard Boarding School (he wanted to get to the first year dorms). So he was not only set apart from his peers, he had to live in a dorm with them.

To navigate this difficult social situation, Gale Dekarios becomes Gale of Waterdeep- he starts Masking. He puts on his Wizard Suit and acts the way Wizards should, because those are the Wizard Rules.

For an example of these Wizard Rules- the closest equivalent we have to Pre-Folly Gale would probably be Lorroakan - and Lorroakan is a great example of Wizard Language and Wizard Rules. Yes, Lorroakan is an absolute shitweasel, but let's consider him an extreme example- pre-folly Gale turned up to 15. Heck, he even does the little ☝️ when you speak to him (Gale does it better bro, sorry).

Elminster is also a good example- he's almost allergic to just saying something straight out until he absolutely has to, but he'll dance around the point repeatedly. A trait Gale shows before he reveals the orb:

Gale. Seriously. He'd get you a birthday present and make five billion hints about it, I swear. But again- that's How Fancy Wizards Talk in this canon. And Gale does it excellently.

Gale masking also explains how his Wizard Rizz and his loneliness coexist. Gale of Waterdeep has a practiced tongue and has totally had sex with mortals. Gale Dekarios, on the other hand, is stuck inside Gale of Waterdeep like that little alien in Men in Black.

The Wizard of Waterdeep can only facilitate shallow connections because there's nothing behind the Thesaurus Vocabulary. The confidence he projects is essentially an illusion, but it's one he relies on to navigate his world. He's isolated by default- as you grow closer, he admits this:

Note how he says Tara was "always" telling him to get mortal friends- we know that Gale conjured Tara when he was young. Assuming that he's not exaggerating to an exponential degree, we can assume that Gale's never really had a friendship based on actual mutual appreciation- more that any connections he had were entirely due to his magical ability and proximity to Mystra.

Thus while he may not be a virgin on the physical plane, I doubt that his experiences were in any way personal or meaningful.

We know Gale's a romantic at heart- but again, he cannot remove the mask. From personal experience, masking can often lead you to do things you don't quite "get" because it's what "normal" people do.

Although it could be explained by scripting limitations, I would have expected any meaningful romantic encounters to be mentioned- especially as you directly ask him if you're his first mortal partner. Gale is an expert at oversharing- I would consider it in-character for him to ramble about his first mortal love before realising that he's cramming his foot into his mouth and shutting up (similar to the "Mystra once took the tiniest piece of weave and-" scene).

Again, without further info from Gale's writers, we've got space to play in- my personal feeling is that Gale has had hookups, most likely with his wizarding peers, but as he didn't let his peers see beyond the Wizard of Waterdeep, anything more than casual just wouldn't happen. He couldn't let anyone close enough to get behind the mask, especially not another wizard- as other wizards are those he's most trying to blend in with.

Enter Mystra (Derogatory) + a lil more Lorroakan (Derogatory)

A minor sidetrack here- part of why I tend to see Gale as early-mid 30s is to do with the Mystra timeline and my own personal experiences. So- firstly, as BG3 is set in 1492. Mystra was slain (aw yeah) in 1385, which started The Spellplague, but she was restored (boo, hiss, we were fine without her) in 1480. So there's about 12ish years where Mystra was, y'know, alive and able to interact with Gale. Gale spent one of those years with the orb, and before that he had to go and find the orb. So let's say he and Mystra spent about a decade together, from teacher > lover.

I've already expounded about why I think Mystra doesn't give a single shit about Gale in my previous GaleRant- my basic thoughts are that Mystra's relationship with Gale was a form of damage control to prevent him becoming Karsus 2.0, but as she didn't actually care enough about him to get to know him, her plans actually made him more likely to go all Netherese Magic.

We're going to hop back to Lorroakan for a sec. Again, he proves to be a good analogue for Gale. Lorroakan has been in residence at Ramazith's Tower for about 10 years- even though context clues show us that he's definitely not up to Gale's standard, so we'll assume he's probably a little bit older than our Child Prodigy- and he's definately less of a go-getter, seeing as how he's paying folks to go get the Nightsong instead of doing it himself. The big baby.

Lorroakan is important because he demonstrates the sort of shit egotistical wizards do when they aren't distracted by Mystra's blue sparkly tits. Again, a minor assumption that he's maybe a little older than Gale- he has taken ownership of a famous Wizard's Tower, absolutely upped his PR game to Kardashian tier over a decade, and now he's trying to find the Nightsong. Is it just me, or is there HUBRIS in the air?

Now, back to Gale. We know he was trying to prove himself from childhood. Elementals, Tara, The Blackstaff- and, frankly, does he seem like the kind of guy to leave it at that? I doubt it- hence why I peg him at early-mid 30s, depending on when Mystra tried the Godly equivalent of danging keys in front of a cat. I reckon he'd have dashed into some sort of cataclysmic bullshittery as soon as he graduated from Wizard School. And we know he probably became a full-fledged wizard early, given that he's a smart lil guy.

HOWEVER, back to my actual point about Gale's general social life/etc- Gale absolutely lacks real-world experience.

I'm not talking him hanging out in the Yawning Portal. I'm talking his actual, prolonged exposure to the world outside of Wizard Life.

(Yes, it is absolutely possible that he spent however-long just quietly studying for Wizard in between him becoming a full wizard and his exile, but! With age comes exposure- and Gale is actually a fairly adventurous lil dweeb. He's curious- and again, had he been given true freedom, he probably would be off gathering eldritch relics and causing havok)

My main point, though, is that a major point of Gale's entire plot is that he is being forcibly unmasked by the circumstances he's in- and this is in many ways the catalyst for late-game stuff.

Gale's primary conflict isn't truly against Mystra, because let's be real- Mystra doesn't give much of a shit about him one way or another. I'm not even convinced that she cares about The Absolute- I think she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of dying again, and she doesn't respect Gale enough to even consider a way to actually communicate with him about it.

Gale's arc is a struggle between Gale of Waterdeep and Gale Dekarios- and Gale coming to terms with himself as a person. Not as a wizard. Not as a prodigy. Not as anything special- just a man.

You see it in the language he uses- he goes from speaking in monologues to telling you to stop licking the damn thing!

You see it in his emotional range expanding- when you yoink him from the portal, he's immediately cheery! You could whack him in a faculty party and he'd probably behave in the exact same way- and then the night before Moonrise he's terrified. He even becomes more honest in his aspirations- yes, he still dresses it up to be persuasive, but he doesn't try to play it cool. He's absolutely geeking out about it alongside everything else.

Gale of Waterdeep demands a lot to be maintained, and it's a comforting outfit to wear. He slips, but the beauty in the story is that you can take Gale Dekarios by the hand and show him that he can be mortal. He can feel pain and greed and desire, disgust and shame and sadness, and it isn't a bad thing. He can be confident for real, and not as camouflage- he can be horny on main and as long as it's genuine, he's absolutely rockin' it.

And as someone who was and is going through it, it's made me appreciate him immensely.

how do you get over the social anxiety of wearing something "unusual"? i've wanted to wear lolita fashion for years but just can't muster the courage

So, for me, wearing lolita actually helps with my anxiety because yeah, it's absolutely weird. And there is something very freeing about not trying to fit in. Yes, people may think it's weird. But I know it's weird. I'm purposely being weird. So I don't have to care if people think I'm weird, because I'm trying to be weird. People generally don't say mean things, or give me dirty looks when I'm out by myself, honestly more often I'll get random compliments? And people smile more genuinely? I try just to be extra nice when I dress up too, so like, I'll make sure I smile if a kid stares, or if someone comes up to talk to me, or if I'm in a checkout line I try to be more friendly/nice than average. So like, being extra nice kind of becomes a shield I put up to make it harder for anyone not to be nice back to me. That said, I do tone it down more for like, going to the mall, than I would for going to a convention. I don't typically wear wigs and 3 headbows when I'm going shopping like I might for a meetup or a convention. That's another thing, going to meetups with other lolita or spaces like anime conventions where lots of people are cosplaying can help with getting used to being in public in lolita without being the only person dressed "weird". Like, when there is a whole flock of lolita, people do stare more, but there are a bunch of other people who can deflect questions. Gothic and classic also can be easier to wear in public alone than sweet. And then with sweet, fruit prints also are a lot more "normal" to non lolita than like, carousel or toy prints. So, if I don't want to be bothered, I'll wear brown or black classic / old school, or I'll just pick like a gingham and cherry dress and style it somewhat casually. It also helps me to have a task. So, like, I used to bring my camera to cons as a new lolita and I would take photos of other people's outfits or cosplay. Going up to someone and telling them you love their outfit and asking for a photo in a setting where that is encouraged like a convention center, or asking them where they got something, can be a great way to meet people with a positive first impression. When I'm shopping, I'm actively shopping , so I focus on the task at hand. I also tend to catastrophize, so, I think for me as well thinking "ok what's the worst that could happen and what would the solution be?" can help? Like, what is the worst that could happen? Someone looks at me funny or yells "where are your sheep" and then... what happens next logically? I don't care about that person. I don't know them. I'm probably not going to see them again. Who cares if they like my coord or not. They don't even know what lolita is. So why should I let them dictate how good I feel about myself today? Their opinion doesn't matter, they are being a jerk, and if they make me feel uncomfortable I can leave. And I just sort of find solutions or ways I would handle and resolve those situations I'm nervous might happen. Now, if you don't already imagine bad things happening, I'm not suggesting you intentionally do that, but more like, if you already have those sorts of thoughts, interrupting them with logical arguments is something I find helps me. If you are going to like school or something where you will see the same people again often, I'd suggest slowly easing into a style change. So maybe you start doing your hair with braids, and then wear more dresses in general and just of kind of slowly change your style to be more lolita-like until it is just lolita. Finally, I'm not a mental health professional, I'm just a lolita with generalized anxiety / panic disorder. What works for me may not work for others and this isn't medical advice.

Good morning/ evening! My name’s Sam and I’m currently a film student hoping to get into freelance writing. I’ve got a couple questions if you don’t mind (hoping you haven’t already answered them and I just missed them).

When you first starting making your own films, did you have already have thick skin for any critics/ bad reviews? Or is that something you grew over time?

Also, for your production company, do you hire interns and PAs or do you prefer filmmakers with more experience?

Thank you!

To your first question, I do not have a thick skin in that area AT ALL and never have. I don't know many people who do.

I'm often approached by fans who will talk about what a project of mine means to them, or I find a review or think piece online where the author really connected with my work. I want to let that feedback in, because it's validating. But letting it in means letting ALL of it in, even the negative. I don't really get to pick and choose. Once I decided to let myself react emotionally to other people's feedback, those gates are open I've got to accept whatever comes through.

I take my work very seriously, and tend to pour my heart and soul into it. We make these things because we love them. It can literally take years of daily work to do. When people love it, it feels great. When people don't, it hurts. There's really no way around that.

Film criticism has, like a lot of things, devolved over time. I was a massive fan of Robert Ebert, who was thoughtful and sophisticated in his critiques (most of the time), and tried to approach each movie he watched on the film's own terms - from the perspective of "how successful was this at achieving what it set out to do?" I see a lot of criticisms today that don't do this, and instead are lamenting what a movie is or isn't, saying things like "I wish this was more..." or "This isn't good because I wanted it to be something else."

"I wanted a ________ and what I got instead was ______ so it sucks."

The other issue is that loud, sensationalized vitriol gets more clicks. Negative reviews, especially brutal and callous ones, get more attention than positive ones. I've gotten to know and befriend some professional critics over the years, who have all told me that the positive reviews don't generate the audience reaction quite like the negative ones. People enjoy watching things get beat up. We reward the wrong kind of discourse, and that isn't unique to film criticism - it's everywhere. That's just a symptom of our culture.

One of my great frustrations is how we assert our opinion as objective truth. There's nothing more dangerous than tweeting "I liked ______ movie!" The comments flood in about how you're wrong, how it sucks, blah blah blah. People think their own taste is somehow factual. If someone says "I had a fantastic steak dinner last night and I loved it," we don't say "you're wrong, steak sucks". We understand the concept of taste when it comes to other things we consume, but when it comes to entertainment each one of us thinks we're the ultimate authority.

For myself, my producer and my wife have long discouraged me from reading reviews. I still can't help it. It's not healthy though. I can scroll past a dozen positive ones, and they evaporate in my mind, but I read one scathing thing and it sticks with me for days. There is one particular review of MIDNIGHT MASS that is one of the most baffling and frustrating things I've ever read, as the author appears to have misunderstood just about every aspect of the series, and drawn the angriest, most misguided, most erroneous conclusions. I read it with my jaw on the ground... "but they're objectively wrong. That isn't what happens, and that isn't what the show is even about." But what can I do? Who am I to say their experience of the show is invalid? They feel how they feel, and that's fine. That's okay. It has to be.

So your skin doesn't get thicker, it is a bizarre emotional experience to put something personal out there into the world and see the gamut of reactions. But at a certain point you have to remind yourself that it's impossible to please everyone, and that these projects don't belong to the filmmaker - they belong to the audience, and each and every one of those experiences is unique and valid. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned, and perhaps the critique can help you grow as a filmmaker.

I have similar feelings when I see someone trashing someone else's work I happen to love - for example, I remain baffled by people who didn't like EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, but that doesn't mean anything. It didn't work for them, that's all. Nothing works for everyone.

I have found over the years that I respect and appreciate analyses and criticisms that take this more personal point of view, and talk about their own interaction with the work as opposed to just dismissing it outright. When someone says "this movie didn't work for me," or "I didn't connect with it," or "It just wasn't my cup of tea," I have a much easier time taking it seriously. It's changed how I talk about my own reactions to movies or shows that I didn't respond to. And I found that it's made it much easier for me to enjoy things even if they aren't quite for me. Instead of being reactive and saying "it sucks" or "I hate this," I've gotten better at realizing it's not a binary experience - I can look at what DOES work for me, and I can appreciate it, even while other elements might not.

It makes for a much more nuanced discussion, and helps me grow. Sometimes, though, it's just the wrong thing to watch on the wrong day, and that's fine too. Maybe that makes it a little easier. If I step out of something and just really don't enjoy it, it helps remind me that it's not personal. Clearly, other people DO enjoy these things, sometimes I'm very much in the minority. And when that happens, I can say "oh, it's not so bad if someone hates a movie I made, or a show, or whatever. Life's too short."

But I long ago decided I'd never say anything negative about someone else's work in public. I know too much about what it takes to make a movie, and I'm not a critic. I'm a filmmaker. This town is too small, and there is zero upside in dragging another filmmaker's efforts. On the rare occasions when I do see another filmmaker indulge in that behavior, it is always a terrible look. And it can have real-world consequences - there are a few filmmakers who I've seen publicly slag off other people's work, and I quietly decided never to hire them. Like I said, it's a small town... and most of us read what people say about our work.

We should get back to that work, remember how lucky we all are to do this for a living, and leave that kind of thing to the critics.

gimme the Jude lore

okay okay Jude Reyes lore incoming

little breakdown first:

26 years old

he/him, pansexual, cis

played for the Trojans for 5 years

graduated with a degree in sports journalism

has adhd and depression (in the rambling bit tw right now for mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts tying into this)

only child and still upset about it

does the most out of all my ocs to work with college players, spends a lot of his free time flying out to different colleges to work with coaches and teams cause he likes and he enjoys it (gets a lot of teasing about becoming a coach in the future)

knows english and spanish

and oh yeah he's a dealer who will play as an extra backliner if needed

blonde, 6'3, big brown eyes

got his ears pierced cause Mara said he'd chicken out

So yeah Jude graduated from USC at the age of 23 and he was recruited for olympic court when he was 25. He considers the Trojan's his family and still keeps in touch with all the upper classmen who he used to play with. He's very much taken the Trojan attitude into his professional career. He's known as a team player on the court and also a huge activist off the court. He's now involved in presenting the Day Spirit Award every year and he's incredibly proud to have been apart of the team consistently winning it. While Ilya falls into the Just Some Guy category, Jude really takes it up like 10 levels into Golden Child territory. He's the favored one for press duty and is most involved with his teams social media. He's usually the one to sit down for the little games or the ask me anything's or the interviews everyone else deems pointless.

tw for self harm and suicide mentions, you can skip to the next bolded line if you need to

Jude was diagnosed with depression when he was 19 after he came to Rhemann confessing that he had been self harming for a few months after the workload with his class got more difficult for him to manage and he started thinking about committing suicide. He was diagnosed with adhd a few years later when he was 22 and now he now manages both with a mixture of therapy and medication. He's not perfect and obviously that didn't get rid of his depression but he has always had a safe space to talk about it and to get the help he needs. He advocates a lot for mental health in general but especially where athletes where it tends to get ignored with all the pressure put on them and he brings that into all of his relationships with his teammates trying to create a safe space for them. He is a huge factor in actually getting Em, Mara, and Florian to see therapists and he's who Florian calls after his 5th attempt and takes him to the hospital.

okay heavy bit over

I need y'all to know that Jude popped into my head literally today. He was named like 3 hours ago. So this is all just kind of developing as I yap about him. He's big on team inclusion. Doesn't want anyone to feel left out. At first Ilya really butted heads with Mara and Florian cause they were Raven's and Jude was basically the one to get sick of that and tell them they needed to shut the fuck up and put on their get along t-shirt

He's generally pretty outgoing and he loves a good party. And by party he means hosting his team and having some food and drinks and visiting with every one. Though he does go a little crazy after a win and he will probably not get home till like 6 in the morning and then will sleep for a full 24 hours

He comes off as very loud and flirtatious to most people, most people will think he is flirting even when he isn't and he has accidentally agreed to multiple dates before realizing they were dates and having to awkwardly let people down. He doesn't really date much, not seriously, largely because of how involved he is with the media portion of his job. If he does end up dating (and I don't have anyone set up for him yet) it'd most likely be another exy player who is also super involved with the media and interacting with the press

and yeah that's a little bit about Jude

Hi! can i get a match up for obey me?

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: straight

Appearance: Pretty tall standing at 5’8 or 172 cm. I have brown hair with highlights. I mostly dress and do makeup in the style of trad goth. I have blue eyes

(MBTI &/or Engram if you would like to take the tests and add it) : INTJ

Personality: I’m more reserved. I don’t like to be around people much usually because most people in my area do bad things. I don’t mind social interactions though. I can be extroverted when with the right people. I have a low social battery and can be known to sort of zone out or want to leave places after a bit. I have adhd so if someone does get me talking about one of my interests I will be very excited and talk for a longer period of time. I also tend to be very paranoid due to personal matters.

Likes (at least like three things): Horror movies, cars, baby food, ice skating, sewing, acting, comics (specifically walking dead), reading, learning new things, music (goth music on top), films and tv shows in general, and men (lol)

Dislikes (at least three things): coffee, waking up early, and people who start drama and do bad things

Extra fun fact (this is about whoever you are describing to me): I’m a professional scare actor and I also do theatre acting.

~~~~~ MATCHUP ~~~~~

Obey Me!

Barbatos

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Barbatos was a quiet man who kept to himself a lot. He preferred to associate himself only with Dia and Lucifer, though the other brothers came and went on that list of people he would deal with.

When you came into his life, he was skeptical. Dia had set you two up on a date since you were both entirely withdrawn.

After the date though he did seek you out again if only to hear you talk about your interests, you had a glow about you when you were enjoying something.

As time passed, Barbatos learned more of your tics and traits; at social gatherings, he would find an excuse for you to leave or help you plan the most direct way to get out of something.

Where you were controlled chaos for Barbatos, he was what kept you organized and sane.

When he visited the House of Lamentation to deliver news to Lucifer, he would stop by your room to talk briefly.

Barbatos really liked your style. It suited you, and he felt he could compliment you.

This man is very analytical and always looks for the best possible outcome.

Once you two were dating, he had even more of an excuse to take care of you and assist you in all manners of life. He even took on learning how to do your makeup for you.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

One of Dia's balls was in full swing, the music loud, and so many bodies crammed into a room. You were growing tired and restless, not liking all the close contact. As you began to overthink and panic about your escape, your partner appeared next to you. Barbatos extended his arm and helped guide you close to a balcony. The fresh air sounded nice, way nicer than everything in there. "I am sorry, dear, I can't help you escape yet; Dia plans to showcase all exchange students here shortly." You nodded briefly, just happy to know he did care about you.

As the music died into a slow dance, you turned to look at Barbatos, who was already staring off into the distance. He wasn't needed now; Dia was handling the event well, so this extra moment with you could exist. When he felt your eyes on him, he turned and picked up on the music. Extending his hand to you, he gracefully began to walk you around the balcony in a waltz. As you two danced, you felt light and at ease, Barbatos never judged you and always wanted to ensure you were comfortable.

Once the music ended, Barbatos bowed and took his leave, not before reminding you to come in soon for the speech. When you heard Dia speaking, you walked in and immediately found a spot next to Barbatos. Once the ceremony and the speech were done, Barbatos had a hand on the small of your back, helping lead you out of the crowded hall. Once at the entrance of the castel he spoke, "Remember to stick to the lit roads on your way back, as soon as we finish politics with the other demons I will come and visit you at the House of Lamentation." You smiled and decided to grace his cheek with a kiss. Barbatos never let his smile leave his face for the rest of the night.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(It was raining in the Devildom. Everyone was having a big slumber party at the castle. Everyone was in small groups. You and Barbatos were huddled in a corner, looking over your lines for a play that the school would be hosting.)

Barbatos: No, you should say it more like this.

Y/N: I could, but what about here? The character is obviously feeling sad where. If I said it like that, I would sound indifferent.

Barbatos: Why would that matter, love?

Y/N: Well, Barbatos, let's say I was on the verge of death. Would you sound sad and distraught or just indifferent?

Barbatos: Ah, I see, I would sound sad. However, this is a close friend who is dying, not a lover, and I can tell you for sure if any of the brothers were dying, I would be indifferent.

Mammon, Asmodeus, Leviathan, and Satan: HEY!

Lucifer: Dia, when has Barbatos ever been that happy?

Diavolo: I am the best matchmaker, aren't I? Maybe I should do you next.

Book Review/ Notes from: The Psychology of Successful Women

I found the book pretty generic but I liked the fact that she added guiding questions to her strategies, which made it more doable. Here are the notes:

1. Define what success means to you. Ensure that it is healthy and holistic.

2. Note down your goals. “What do i want to be/do/have in my career?”

“A study on goal setting at the Dominican University in California showed you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Written goals are proven to increase your focus, strengthen motivation and help you come up with a plan of attack to make your dreams a reality.”

3. We need a combination of the right mindset + behaviour in order to actually succeed.

4. Confidence isnt relative to being an extrovert or introvert. Confidence is about having trust in oneself.

A) developing a positive internal dialogue instead of a negative, critical one

B) focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. “.. revealed that people who used their strengths every day were three times more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, six times more likely to be engaged at work, 8% more productive and 15% less likely to quit their jobs.”

C) stop comparison - whether it means logging off social media or unfollowing/restricting certain people.

D) click with people with the same values as you.

E) believe in yourself. It’s not your job to prove yourself to everyone.

5. Developing a personal brand is important. A personal brand is how people see you and what you’re known for. Its important to consider how you present yourself online and offline.

• Your personal (people person/ adaptable/ flexible, etc) and professional strengths (what you really enjoy doing)

• What makes you unique

• Your achievements and qualifications

• Your life experiences

• Your values and the things that are important to you

• Your passions

• Your image

• Your mindset and attitude

• Your behaviour

Ask people around you how they see you - speak to people you deeply trust.

Reflect on that.

How would you like them to see you?

6. Imposter syndrome is often described as a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, inadequacy and incompetence, despite evidence of success.

A. Identity triggers and thought patterns to that lead you to feeling like a fake.

B. Acknowledge your past success and accomplishments. Write a list of some of your achievements and successes. Reflect on some of the great feedback you have received from a client or colleague in the past few months.

7. Boundary setting is a necessary evil. You will feel guilty at first, but it gets easier with time. You dont have to give out excessive excuses, either.

8. Fear of failure: What have you been putting off learning, doing or experiencing personally or professionally, because of fear of failure, or a fear of not being ready? • What can you do this week or month to stretch your comfort zone? • What would you do right now if you knew you absolutely couldn’t fail?

9. “Women tend to apologise a lot more than men in general, even when we have nothing to apologise for – almost out of habit. Do you say sorry a lot? Now this does not mean that we should never apologise, or that we can’t say sorry – of course we can. Just be mindful of over-apologising.”

Phrases to stop saying:

- I’m sorry that our director is unable to come today, you’ll have to put up with me instead…

- Apologies if I’m nervous today, I don’t often speak in public…

- I hope you dont mind but…

- I’m no expert on this but…

10. Stop diminishing yourself. “When we undervalue our role or contribution, we often reflect this in our language, and talk like what we do is not that important. Furthermore, when we don’t genuinely value ourselves, we may start to convince others of the same. People will often mirror back to us how we feel or speak about ourselves.”

11. “People with high levels of resilience think and act in ways that help them cope with change and setbacks. For example, they are flexible and can adapt to changing situations. They also tend to be positive and hopeful – believing the future can or will be better – even if they are in the middle of a challenge. Highly resilient people also don’t tend to dwell on setbacks and things they can’t change.”

Strategies:

1. Dont be afraid to ask for help. “People who are good at reaching out to others, talking about their challenges or setbacks, asking for help and then accepting that help, tend to cope better.”

2. Control what you can control. Do not focus on things you can’t control or change.

Controversial headcanons/opinions! That are mostly about Steve now that I read them back.

1. Stancy’s biggest roadblock is Nancy’s inability to admit she’s wrong/makes mistakes.

2. Jancy’s biggest roadblock is Jonathan’s parentification. Jon loves Will, but some of his devotion to him is tied up in that - something I think fandom tends to overlook. We’ve already seen that Nancy either forgets or underestimates how much the Byers rely on Jon and I would not put it past her to view him looking after Will on the same level as her having to look after Mike & Holly.

Even once it’s revealed and they talk about it, it’s going to open a rift between them.

3. Joyce doesn’t give a shit about Steve and never will. Hop gives a shit reluctantly, in a mostly professional capacity but will be haunted with guilt if Steve dies.

4. Karen Wheeler is a shitty person and if the Duffers wanted me to think different maybe shouldn’t have teased her considering sleeping with a kid her daughter’s age. Also doesn’t give a shit about Steve, but is better at hiding it.

5. Billy, while being in the closet and brimming with self hatred, did not have a crush on Steve - he wanted the weird codependent yet weirdly void of sexual tension friendship that Steve would go onto have with Robin.

The fact that Steve hated him and was constantly ignoring him or pushing back at him was part of the appeal. That and the fact Steve’s a bitch - Billy thought that was hilarious.

6. Steve intelligence wise is average and actually has a fairly broad general knowledge - he just has difficulty with the terminology and isn’t great at explaining things to other people.

7. Steve’s kids are Dustin, Max, Lucas and Erica. He will absolutely protect the other three, but any presence he continues to have in their lives is a by-product of the other four.

8. Mike has a on again/off again crush on Steve and it’s part of the reason he turns into an angry cat around him.

9. We will meet Vickie’s entire family before we see the Harringtons on-screen.

10. Jon would *not* react well to Stargyle happening - he refuses to believe Steve is queer, assuming he’s just messing with Argyle/trying to get revenge on Jon for cheating with Nancy (for added tragicomedy, this is how Steve finds out about that).

11. Eddie likes ABBA. I have no fucking idea why fandom seems to think that he’d hate it and has me genuinely questioning how many people in fandom have met an actual metalhead. I know he’s a pretentious douche, but *Jesus*.

12. Whatever else happens between them, Robin will always hold a grudge against Nancy for not knowing who she was when they were first introduced. Steve has the excuse of being a popular kid who was ignorant of his surroundings at all times. Robin is the person who could swipe Valedictorian out from under Nancy but chooses not too. See also, Barb and the handful of grudges she has with Nancy regarding Steve.

omg so many anon! let's do this. long post so I'm going to add a readmore!

Yeah I mostly agree? The inability to let Nancy apologize or be wrong I think really sets back her growth as a character no matter what, and it's really pronounced with stancy! It is something that could be resolved but I do not think the show will do that. Steve wasn't the person Nancy needed in s2, but maybe he is now. Idk there's better stancy meta out there haha There are issues they have I'd love to see addressed but. doubtful they will. Idk if nancy will end up single (like I think she should) but I also don't know if they're actually going to follow through on stancy revival in s5 or just leave jancy as is.

2. Jonathan's parentification!! Absolutely agree. He needs to work through his inability to move on and look to the future for himself. His focus is on Will, who needs more of an older brother from him than another parent, especially now Will is closer to the age Jon was when everything started. Jon is defined by his family, and them needing him. But we sort of see in s4 that Will is growing up, El is too, and they don't need him in the same way Will needed to depend on him in earlier seasons, and Jon is spending time smoking with Argyle, but not actually dealing with what he's feeling.

this is room for Jonathan to develop character-wise, but it's also so interesting how his parentification has been an issue with Nancy! Like she wants to be a priority, but Jon can't do that, because he hasn't figured out how to 1) focus on himself and his wants 2) let himself look at the future as something that isn't looming but something to look forward to!

God I would love to see him figure out what he actually wants and how to balance that with his loyaty to his family in the show! or read a jon focused fic where he gets to deal with these things.

3. Joyce doesn't like steve :'| why would she? he's just some guy to her that Jon didn't like and who used to date her son's girlfriend. Steve's not on her radar at all she doesn't give a shit about him lol (I should write more of the joyce doesn't like steve fic)

4. uhg yeah I think I've already posted about alternatives to the stupid Karen side-plot where it's like. random pool middle age affair man, flirting with mr. clarke, or just her making moves on her own husband to show she wants to make changes in their marriage and the fair being a little date for the wheelers or SOMETHING to make her not creepy and actual have it mean something to her character? or just. not! include! any karen plotline at all!

5. billy is interesting because i would say there might be some one-sided sexual thing happening between him and Steve, and Steve hating and ignoring him would totally egg him on with whatever was going on in his brain. idk if he wanted it actually actionable but was probably going for some weird and very intense pscho-sexual homoerotic relationship. maybe not what could be described as a crush but certainly not whatever stobin has going on (though if he had lived stobin would have also pissed him off lol)

6. Yes! steve can understand a lot if he's given time to understand it. like he's just not a genius or talking fast, and he asks clarifying questions so he (and everyone else) knows exactly what's happening. maybe that might look like he's getting left behind but he's making sure everyone is on the same page, which is actually an important part of plans and sharing info. I'd also say he'd probably have pretty good head for strategy!

7. Dustin, Max, Lucas and Erica are absolutely steve's kids! thank goodness we got Steve and Max content in s4, but I'd love to see more of Steve and Lucas and Erica! I do love Steve with El too, because I think they should and could have a great dynamic, but that's all fanon, unfortunately. Mike and Will having some kind of relationship with Steve are just byproducts of Steve being friends with the others.

8. Mike and his mortifying crush on steve is so precious to me. He'd be so mad about it. It'd be so funny. to me. not for him. but for me :)

9. Harrington parents will remain an unsolved mystery haunting the fandom forever and always. We will know the names of Robin's grandparents and their pets before we see or hear anything more than Mr. and Mrs. Harrington.

10. I am obsessed with this idea. I love stargyle sort of coming out of nowhere for other people. My favourite. They can bond over having great hair and being a chauffeur for children not related to them. Jon side-eyeing this so hard even tho maybe he's been focusing on Nancy and their relationship when steve and argyle are having their Bonding Moments. The confrontation of Jon accusing Steve of getting with Argyle to mess with him, Steve going "what the hell. why would I have an elaborate polt to mess with you that included pretending to be queer? and kissing a man? multiple times??"

and Jon blurting about how of course he would to get back at jon for cheating with Nancy and steve just stopping. and trying to clarify. and Jon digging himself deeper. ooooooh. something to think about and expand on?? 👀👀👀

11. it was the 80s and disco was way out of style but also. who doesn't like ABBA. don't trust anyone who doesn't like at least one ABBA song. suspicious. Eddie would be vocal about his hatred for Progressive Rock though.

12. Robin and her grudges!!!! omg yes if robin was holding herself back from being valedictorian she'd be Pissed that Nancy didn't know who she was. like at least know your rivals! that in combination with the barb thing and all the steve things. Robin's not letting it go. I love her pettiness she's so funny and great. Queen.

*gets you talking about education* so in what way is education Fucked Up that the public doesn't get right?

i’ve been thinking about this ask for months trying to come up with an answer that is not just me complaining incoherently for 3000000 words and while i could go a lot of places with this, the one i personally think the most about is that the public mostly thinks that teachers have received training on the best ways to teach things, and they haven’t. source: my bullshit ass master’s degree in general and special education, which taught me in particular so little about any actual disabilities that the fact that i could legally teach a special ed class after receiving it is like, horrifying to me. my degree was a lot of talking about feelings and diversity and naming ideas of things you could potentially do in the classroom, and no actual instruction in what we know about the best way to teach particular subjects or even about how to evaluate potentially relevant resources. one time we read an article that said kids with ADHD do best in traditional classroom set-ups with desks in rows and no “centers” where kids have to move around, and in my small group devoted to designing a classroom for kids with ADHD a classmate of mine was like, “i didn’t do the reading but what about [the opposite of what the reading said]?” and in ed school disagreeing with someone is basically akin to setting them on fire physically so i didn’t say anything and then the professor - you know, the one who assigned this reading - was just like, “great! :)” zero accountability for learning any content at basically any point in my degree. almost zero actual content taught. like it’s so bad. the public tends to view teachers as either highly trained professionals or lazy sociopaths who don’t care but my experience is that the vast majority of teachers in public and private schools alike are hard-working and caring people doing their best with a difficult task they have been given no meaningful high quality training for - but unfortunately since they do have master’s degrees they do tend to think they have a certain degree of expertise.

in particular the public assumes that elementary school teachers have been themselves taught how to teach kids how to read, and not only have they not been taught how to teach kids how to read, they have often been taught ideas about reading that stand in total contradiction to our best scientifically derived hypotheses about how children learn how to read. for the millionth time i recommend checking out the podcast (with high quality transcripts available) sold a story. emily hanford’s reporting has taught me more about reading than the degree i am still paying for ever did and i have considered seeking therapy to process how angry i am about that.

anyway, i’m posting this now because i saw another fucking post that was like “actually they do teach all the skills you want them to teach, it’s called high school english class” which makes me insane because test prep tutoring high school kids has really hammered home that teachers in rich private schools reliably fail to pick up on the fact that a lot of teenagers struggle with any degree of textual complexity to a degree that in any text from the nineteenth century even individual sentences pose problems. the most expensive high schools in the country are graduating kids who can’t independently parse five paragraphs of an abraham lincoln speech and their faculty members don’t even know it. but sure english teachers are routinely and successfully teaching critical thinking if only those damn 15 year olds weren’t too fucking lazy to pay attention. “lol.”

I realized that one of Si’s ships is Si x Bess and since I absolutely adore both Si and Bess I was wondering if you would talk more about them? You can throw in Steph too if you want🙂

Gosh Si x Bess is such a self indulgent tft ship. Bess is already like a mentor figure in Si's life and someone he highly respects not only as his boss, but as a strong and confident woman. I see him coming to her for a lot of advice, cute lil movie nights as friends in the beginning, and Si eventually working up the courage to confess attraction outside of a work setting. Of course...Bess had an idea of his feelings but didn't push him towards anything since she of all people is aware of the power balances between them as a professional Dom and wanted to make sure they would be doing things the right way since Bess has a lot on her shoulders that doesn't need to be disrupted because of workplace mishandling. At that point, Si probably would have to find a new job to keep it above board, which kinda sucks, but something that he'd be willing to do to protect her career even if dating didn't work out.

And holy hell are they cute together. Super cuddly and affectionate, doing each other's hair, Si meeting Bess's family and just...finding a home he's never had before. It's honestly the sweetest, purest, relationship in my opinion if you take away all the kink play lol, but even with that it's honestly just really cute. Stone tops man, stone tops.

When you add Steph into the mix, it honestly get better and is one of the best "Steph" relationships in my opinion. Bess is a wonderful mediator and Steph's other best friend, so she's the one who sits Si and Steph down to really talk out their feelings since Steph's stubbornness and autism tends to clash with Si's really hard sometimes. It always ends in group cuddles and kisses and eventually Steph and Si learn to communicate better than how they would bicker like they were teens again. Since Si's the least busy out of the three, I see him essentially taking care of all the pets (two ferrets, two cats) and being the general house husband while his two strong and independent partners make their bag. He's got hot bath and messages ready for a particularly bad day. 💕

a-xian3 asked:

Hi RBS. I am back with an ask. I thought like celeb vlogs on YouTube earn them a certain amount, it must be the same with Weibo. But I just saw this Tweet. Is it true he does not gain any monetary benefit out of it and it's simply for fan engagement? Especially since the videos are so high quality, so the studio is definitely putting in money into production. If so, it is so sweet of him to put in so much time and effort into it. Not many celebs would do that.

Hi a-xian3!

Sorry, I removed the tweet because I don't share solo things if I can at all avoid it.

I think it's wise to take what fans say with a massive grain of salt. They have a strong tendency to interpret things in such a way as to likely greatly exaggerate both the brilliance, kindness and generosity of their idol, and the degree to which that idol fervently adores their fans.

In fact, I hereby coin the term SFN (Solo Fan Brain), to sit alongside the well-used term CPN (Couple Brain). Because truly, SFN is real and needs to be named and talked about more openly. (And I've talked about it in the past quite a bit.)

As I said in that post, solo fans (and even BXG) are used to thinking of BXG as the ones who have an interpretive point of view, and framing the solo perspective as the 'default' view that doesn't need to undergo any self-examination or questioning. But SFN is every bit as much a 'perspective' as our CPN, and has consequences just as our own does (AND is potentially every bit as deluded as solos so often characterize ours to be).

There are often just as many assumptions and interpretations in things a solo fan believes about an artist as there are in what CP fans believe, and they are just as capable of being untrue.

Identify, unpack, evaluate

When we come across a post (or any information or claim) - no matter how apparently innocuous it might seem - it pays to identify, unpack and critically examine the assertions being made. It's a really good habit to get into, and will serve you well throughout your life (and in many different areas of life).

So let's take a look at the assertions stated and implied here, and see what we can come up with upon examination:

There are few celebrities who make so much great content for their fans, and those who do only tend to do it if there is direct monetary gain involved (YouTube ad revenue, for example).

This is just false. From what I've seen it seems like most c-celebs share photo sets, vlogs, livestreams and special content with their fans. They're all using the same means to do so as GG is - Weibo, Douyin, etc., and doing it with as much frequency as GG.

And in fact, there are c-celebs who share much more direct and personal, much more intimate content with their fans. 'Slice of life' live vlogs, personal stories, etc. with celebrities talking directly to their fans about their lives and their feelings - the type of thing that GG simply doesn't do anymore.

I would list out a few examples, but I don't want to be accused of comparing GG unfavorably with others. Instead, I will invite turtles to simply browse around Weibo and Douyin, and explore for themselves. They'll quickly see that this type of content is commonplace in c-ent, and many artists share content even more intimate than what GG shares. (He used to share that type of intimate content back in his earlier days, but he hasn't done anything like that since 2/27.)

GG's content is higher quality and more expensive. That only shows how generous he is and how much he loves his fans.

It is true that GG's content is BY FAR the most aesthetic and well-produced of any that I've seen other stars sharing, no doubt about it. The production quality is always exceptionally high, and the photos are always very high resolution (thanks GG!).

But when you think about it, that only stands to reason. He is, after all, a professional photographer and designer. The content is going to reflect the high standards he learned and developed in his previous career. He has the experience and the eye to evaluate and art direct everything his studio releases. With someone like him at the helm, we can be sure that the quality will be consistently professional and aesthetically pleasing.

That will have a lot more to do with GG and his background/talents than with money spent.

His team will undoubtedly have been chosen with his high standards and requirements in mind, so there will be people on staff capable of producing content of the quality GG would expect. That doesn't necessarily mean those staff are going to be vastly more expensive than the staff other celebs hire. In fact, it's even possible such a high quality team could be cheaper.

GG is a smart man who knows the industry, and a professional who knows the industry will know what to look for in a media team. They will know which skills are required, they will know how to evaluate the quality of their portfolio of work, etc.

No doubt GG will have chosen a team that matches his expectations, but how much that team costs will depend more on what level they are at in their career than anything else. If it's a bunch of highly talented junior designers, they would almost certainly cost less to hire than the mediocre senior level media professionals a lot of artists likely hire.

By far the biggest expense in a situation like that would be the creative director for the team. That person would be in charge of conceptualizing all of the work from a communication design perspective, and then overseeing its completion by the team. And I will eat a bowl of live freshwater shrimp in a blood-red broth if anyone can prove to me that person on GG's team isn't GG himself.

So I think it could be argued that GG's background and experience likely saves him a lot of money while ensuring he has some of the highest quality content produced by any celebrity team. And that is a result of his own background, talents and aesthetic/production standards, not of his generosity or love for his fans.

GG shares this content out of the selfless kindness of his heart.

As people who are fans of both GG and DD, turtles are uniquely positioned to compare and contrast artists who regularly share a lot of personal content with their fans, and those who don't. 😅

I don't think anyone could argue that GG doesn't give his fans a lot of great content. The man is undeniably generous with content. But I think if we look closer we can find multiple reasons why he would do that - not all of them entirely selfless.

First and foremost, his fans wouldn't tolerate anything less from him (which makes the sort of effusive, self-congratulatory posts like the one you sent me... rich. Let's just say it's pretty rich for fans to say stuff like that). This is content fans expect from a top star, and let me assure you that fans are VERY vocal and demanding about what they expect. It's not unusual for fans to come up with long lists of demands and expectations for stars, and a lot of those demands will revolve around this type of content. If you doubt this, just look at the recent situation Esther Yu is facing with her fans, who delivered a list of demands to her and her team about content she should be sharing, how she should be managing her career and who should be on her team, etc. This happens quite a bit in c-ent. Fans are demanding, and they often believe they are more capable of knowing what's best for the artist than the artist themselves, or their management team. Frankly I find that type of behavior delusional and repugnant, but fan expectations are a very real factor in all of this, make no mistake about it.

He's a star. All of this content serves as a sort of self-promotion. As such, he will almost certainly make money from this content, whether directly or indirectly. Feeding his fans, putting his best foot/face forward, showing himself to be active and popular - all of this stuff serves to maintain his image and status. This helps lead to more popularity, more offers and more roles and endorsements.

Very often this content is sponsored by the brands stars endorse. Brands pay big money to have their products featured in social media content shared by the artist. For example, the vlogs and photos GG shared from his trip to Europe featured clothing from Tod's and Gucci. The inclusion of that clothing would have almost certainly been part of his contractual obligation as global ambassador for those brands, or part of the agreement he would have had with the brands when they booked him for the trip. It's typical for contracts to spell out in detail how many social media posts their products will be featured in, and that can even involve final brand sign-off/approval of the content before it's posted online. In other words, stars share a lot less truly 'personal' content than fans realize. Even if the content is personal, product placement is often a part of it.

Fan content is often part of a bigger communications objective, and/or done as part of a fan management strategy. For example the photos of GG eating Sichuanese food in Italy likely helped curtail any criticism of him as being unpatriotic or too cozy with the Europeans. Content is often shared during times of chaos and discord, likely as a means of distracting fans. We've seen this many times with XFX when they've been getting out of control on Weibo, pushing negative hotsearches or engaging in fierce fan wars. GG and his team will often share content at times like this, which I suspect serves to distract the fans and give them something positive to focus on so that they don't destroy his career so that they will stop behaving badly. Under the new governmental rules regarding fan culture, stars are held directly responsible for fan behavior, and bad behavior from fans is punishable in a variety of ways. Anything negative GG's fans do can directly harm him and his career.

So let's be honest and realistic here - fans have high expectations of stars, and will go so far as to demand content from stars, and even demand that content be of a certain tone or quality. And then those same fans will turn around and self-congratulate themselves for being so 'loved' by the star that they've been 'gifted' it all.

Yet in reality GG is walking a tightrope. Just because he does it well, doesn't mean it's any less stressful or calculated.

GG loves his fans so much!

To me, this is always the most interesting claim. XFX* seem incredibly sure of how much GG adores them.

And that's probably a really good thing. Fans who believe they're loved are more likely to be loyal and supportive (one hopes, anyway), and stars definitely rely on the support of their fans to ensure their brands are happy, to ensure their projects are successful and to ensure that they continue to be considered for new opportunities.

*Because of course when we're talking about GG's fans we're always talking about XFX. Those fans would never acknowledge that BXG are also GG fans, or that GG might have any affection for turtles. Despite the fact that GG actually never refers directly to XFX by name anymore in his material, possibly because he realizes they aren't his only fans.

But I feel like it needs to be said - it's highly unlikely that any star loves their fans as much as they think they're loved. As I already pointed out, stars are walking a tightrope in this industry. For all intents and purposes, fans have stars by the throat. And what fans view as loving and supportive, stars might experience as something entirely different.

Anyone who watched Animaniacs or Tiny Toon Adventures might remember how much Elmyra's pets loved her...

And GG has more reason than most to be wary of/ambivalent toward his fans. His fans have put him through a living hell, one that he almost didn't come out the other side of. Certainly not unscathed.

And his fans have learned next to nothing from 2/27. They are still doing all the same stuff they did back then, the stuff that nearly got him cancelled.

One of the most toxic aspects of fan culture is how incredibly competitive and cutthroat it is. Warlike. GG's fans are deeply invested in that kind of behavior. It's a big part of why he's so well known and why he's such a big driver for sales. It's also a big part of why his team is always having to try to clean up messes.

GG's solos are some of the primary drivers of the whole 'desperate illiterate' anti attack against DD, and are constantly engaging in and heavily pushing any anti attack against DD that they can get their hands on. So as turtles, if we believe that DD is GG's dearly beloved partner/husband, then we have to greet any claim that GG absolutely adores his solo fans with some degree of skepticism.

In truth, most stars likely have more of a love-hate relationship with their fans than a love-love one. Be realistic.

Why are you raining on my parade?

The purpose of this analysis isn't to undermine or debunk anyone's perception of GG as a kind, generous person. I think we have plenty of evidence to show he is both of those things. His charity work, for example, and the way he handled himself during the whole 2/27 scandal to ensure no one connected to him was harmed.

And the fact is, GG is simultaneously generous AND strategic about his career. We know he values money - he openly admits it.

Black-and-white thinking is common everywhere in our society, and it's actually one of my biggest pet peeves. Black-and-white, us/them, good/evil - this type of thinking is inaccurate and often harmful. The world isn't black or white. Almost everything is some shade of grey.

When we look at something from a black-and-white perspective we will fail to see all the implications, the nuance and circumstances surrounding it. We fail to see it for what it really is.

The common phrase, "I have a stupid question." frames people as either knowledgeable, or stupid. There's no in-between.

In reality everyone is knowledgeable about some things and lacking knowledge about others. A neurosurgeon might know a lot about the human brain but very little about cooking, for example. If she asks whether she should add salt to scrambled eggs before, during or after cooking them, is that really a stupid question?

The whole 'stupid question' thing is also a contradiction in terms, because the very act of asking a question demonstrates a quest for more information - something only generally undertaken by people who care about knowledge and facts. Let's face it, if you don't know something, the smartest thing you can do is ask someone who does. There are a lot of people out there who would just guess about it (and be wrong).

So I urge fans to look at things from a perspective that acknowledges the reality that stars can be simultaneously sincere and profitable. I urge fans to understand that money isn't automatically evil, nor the pursuit of it inherently selfish. Like everything it can be taken to a negative extreme, but in most cases it is not. Money represents so many things to so many people. For most people it represents security and the ability to take care of those we love.

I also urge fans to be realistic about how stars might feel about their fans. The idea that stars have some sort of special love bond with their fans, or view them as family, is unrealistic.

And I recommend being on the lookout for - and avoiding - black-and-white, us-vs-them, all-or-nothing thinking.

These kinds of fan statements present everything as a false dichotomy. "He is so generous" (implying or even openly claiming others are not). "He loves his fans so much" (deliberately obscuring or ignoring any other possible motivation he might have).

It's worth taking a second look at things like this and asking ourselves, "But is that true?"

Or you can just continue to enjoy the tweet, but you asked me, and this is my response. 😊

More serious response to last post:

boundaries aren't a multi tool. They are not an appropriate response to all problems. What they are useful for are situations of "if I don't get x/do keep getting y, I am going to want less closeness with this person or group."

In situations where you want a thing but not getting it would not be that big a deal, generally it's best to just ask for what you want. Actually, even in situations where it would be a big deal, just asking is often the best first step. There are some things that make people more likely to say yes to a request; one thing that can make it less likely is insisting the other person owes it to you if they do not see things that way. People like to see themselves as generous and reasonable and will often do a thing they perceive as voluntary when they would dig their heels in if they perceived it as forced. This pairs badly with the psychological need many people have to not ask for things unless they think they are entitled to them.

I think the approach of "boundaries are a thing you do" is mildly to extremely helpful most of the time, and harmful in a minority of circumstances. As an edge case: assault (physical or sexual) is a boundary violation. It's also not something the victim can reliably prevent by their own behaviors. Other examples include someone else reading your mail, a health professional breaking confidence about your medical information, a friend outing you as queer, or an ex distributing revenge porn.

Also, sometimes people cannot get less closeness, eg due to being a child, having to stay with a partner or roommate for financial reasons, having to interact with an ex for shared custody reasons, being in a prison or being in an institution against your will, etc.

But there really are a lot of situations where the "it's up to you to enforce your boundaries" is effective. And I'm partial to it, because there was one specific time where an ex tried to force me to act a particular way that, in retrospect, was a violation of my boundaries. And that doesn't mean his weren't valid, just, we couldn't keep being as close as we had been. (He wanted me to shut up about a new partner -- not just keep it to relevant information, but not talk about him at all. I was unwilling to act as though one of my relationships did not exist. And it did very much leave me worried that my ex only stayed friends because he was hoping we'd get back together. And this was complicated because a substantial chunk of my social circle were people I only saw when my ex was present, so not mentioning my partner around him meant not mentioning my partner to a substantial part of my social network.)

The "boundaries" framework is at odds with the way most of us were raised (much like how "people get to choose their gender" is at odds with how most of us were raised) -- most of us got some sort of "there's a set of social rules everyone should follow, what any individual person wants is more or less irrelevant." So people new to using the concept tend to be really bad at it at first.

Oh also... people use the word "boundaries" in different ways. I think it's best to have the attitude that it's just one of those words that has multiple similar meanings, and if it's not obvious from context you might have to ask.

Here, have some fashion suggestions (brands and designers) if you need ideas or references for an art piece. These skew heavily to my own tastes, but hey. Gotta start somewhere!

Paolo Sebastian's "Once Upon a Dream" collection is a megafave, but all of his stuff is good for the whimsical pastels vibe. Also does bridal.

Egyptian revival: I would definitely look into Cucculelli Shaheen, specifically the Alucinato collection. This seems really specific but ngl I just really want to rec them. Also does bridal.

There are a lot of bridal designers out there, but there are two (well, one bridal, and one bridal-adjacent) that I love for large ballgowns: - Mak Tumang does a lot of structured hemlines and stiff skirts, brightly saturated colors with a very costume ballgown vibe, the sort of thing you'd see in a masquerade scene in a fantasy movie. Good for a red carpet, IMO. (Not primarily bridal) - Kiyoko Hata tends to have more pastels and slightly desaturated jewel tones, with much less of a structure in favor of petticoats to build the shape, more layering of sheer fabrics. Very swishy. (Primarily a bridal designer) - For more 'normal' bridal in a standard palette, I'd look into Kim Kassas, Berta, Galia Lahav, Madeline Gardner, Krikor Jabotian, Rita Vinieris, Sophie Couture, Jimmy Choo, Julie Vino Glam, Vera Wang, Hian Tjen, Essense of Australia, Hayley Paige, Randy Fenoli.

For tea dresses (like a past-the-knee petticoat dress you wear to a garden party where you pretend to be rich) and general semi-formal: - The Matoshi sisters tend to work a lot with mesh and embroidery. Their floral elements tend to be very Secret Garden. They have some vintage inspiration in their bodices sometimes, but overall their boned bodice dresses are just really cool overall. - Chotronette have a similar style, but where the Matoshi tend to have a single heavier layer at the top with designs, Chotronette's are much more light-and-layered, and while they do have some floral, they use more celestial themes. They have a few designs that dip a bit into armor-inspired looks without going full fantasy costume. - IMO the best way to talk about the two in contrast is that the Matoshi sisters feel more solid and vintage-inspired, while Chotronette are more ethereal and fantasy-inspired.

Mark Bumgarner: For big structured skirts that straddle the line between tea dress and gown, but IMO he's a bit hit or miss. Good floral embroidery, though.

Red carpet and evening wear: There are a handful of designers that are just. Insanely good imo, and those are Zuhair Murad, Ziad Nakad, and Elie Saab. All three are really big names, and I wasn't sure until I checked but all are Lebanese, so I guess Lebanon just has a really good fashion industry. I believe most of them (definitely at least Saab and Murad) do bridal as well.

Girl's casual fashion: "All Pretty Girls" boutique

Professional wear: Poem Bangkok do some Ridiculously cool office wear ombre stuff, and the lines on their stuff are SO clean.

Chinese fusion: Heaven Gaia is also one of those brands that does a lot of work with ombre, but they lean into their roots a bit more than Poem. They have some massively cool work with embroidery, mandarin collars, capes, and so on.

Witchy looks: - Linda Friesen has some major vibes with 3D printed elements around the shoulders; good for fantasy costume territory. - Wulgaria Evil: If you want something a bit more high school/college goth.

Royal Black Corsetry for, well, corsets; the head of the company specializes in custom tailoring.

If you're looking to get into fashion for references, I would also follow blogs like @wedding-affair, @fashion-runways, @lacetulle, and @evermore-fashion.

For a more vintage reference set, @sartorialadventure is a good starting point, as is @lookingbackatfashionhistory.

If you're into lolita fashion, I'd rec @lolita-wardrobe

Hello Dr. Reames! When you decide to read a history book on your free time - and a book completely unrelated to your area of expertise - but you know nothing about said topic, you're only interested in learning about it. How do you choose which book you'll read?

FANTASTIC question. Thank you for asking it.

Let’s Talk How to Evaluate the Quality of a Book NOT on/in Your Specialization or Field

I’m going to start with some general bullet points of advice with discussion. Then I’ll give a concrete example of a book (or set of them) that I decided not to buy after a little rummaging.

The Basics

(These may seem obvious, but a lot of folks ignore them, like they skip over reading the introduction. Always read the book’s introduction!)

Who’s the author?

Most books have, on the back cover or inside, a note about the author. Also, google the person. Do they have a professional degree or some form of special training/ experience (e.g., say, they worked on a dig)? If they’re a professor, where do they teach? (But don’t put too much on that; the state of academia today means highly respected scholars could end up in Podunk Mississippi just to find a job.)

What type of book is it and who’s the intended audience?

Is it an academic book meant for other specialists? A book intended for use as a textbook? Something marketed to general audiences: “pop” history, or creative non-fiction? These may all be well-done. Yet if I’m wanting to learn about a topic I’m not familiar with, I specifically seek out a textbook, as they're geared to teach the topic to non-specialists. They won’t go down a research rabbit hole. Specifically in ancient history, those “Companion to…” collections are great, as you get multiple experts weighing in on what they know the most about. And they're intended for interested readers but not specialists in that particular topic. Also they’re curated by an editor who IS a specialist, so you know the chosen authors are respected in the field.

When was it written?

If the publication date is 50 years ago, it’s been superseded. It might be out of date even if it’s 20 years ago—or 10. But newer is not necessarily better.

What press published it?

Princeton, Cambridge, Brill/DeGruyter, Berkeley, Peeters, Harvard, Chicago. Any would be a good sign. But the University of Oklahoma does not mean it’s a bad book. (Beth Carney’s important first monograph on Macedonian women came from UOk.) University presses can corner the market on a particular topic: Univ. of Nebraska does a LOT of native history. Also, it may not be a university press at all. Routledge is perfectly respectable, as are Bloomsbury and Penguin. For local histories or something niche, you may get publication by a historical society, not a major press at all. (I picked up a perfectly fine book about ghost stories in the city of Savannah done by the local historical society.) BUT IF IT’S SELF-PUBLISHED, that’s a big ol’ Red Flag.

Going a Little Deeper

Ask somebody you know, who IS a specialist in the field, if they’ve read the book and what they think

Depending on your personal circle, this may not be possible.

Find a review (or three)

I regularly teach my undergrads (and grad students) to look for reviews.

Look at the bibliography

Probably more important for academic books, but how long is the biblio? Yes, topics can have more or fewer publications, but it should go on for some pages. Also, is it all in just one language? Some fields may tend that way (much American history), but a well-done monograph in, say, Greek or Roman history should not be monolingual in the research.

Actually check (don’t ignore) footnotes

They tell stories. Again, this largely pertains to academic books, but you can find fun (and occasionally catty) scholarly quarrels in them. Very early in my reading on Alexander, I became fascinated by the back-and-forth in footnotes between the “Three Bs” (Badian, Borza, and Bosworth) plus Green and Hammond. BUT some red flags: 1) the author disproportionately citing themself, especially if it’s because 2) the author seems to have quarrels with a large number of colleagues. Maybe the author is just original! But sometimes that tells you their conclusions are questionable. Use your common sense.

Now, for a concrete example … as some of you know, I have American indigenous ancestry, specifically Peoria-Miami (Myaamia). While I know some things about our tribe, I’m far from an expert. On our Facebook page, one of the other members recently dropped mention of a series on the early history of Indiana, and the conflicts between settlers and natives during the French-Indian Wars—including St. Clare’s Defeat, effected by the Myaamia and led by Little Turtle (Mihshihkinaahkwa), the worst defeat [proportionally] ever suffered by American troops.

I thought, Oh, cool, maybe I should pick these up and read them in my “copious” spare time. E.g., probably years from now.

I followed the provided link, and immediately thought, This doesn’t look good. Page ran on forever, not well organized, and I had to hunt for info about the author. Although he was a retired schoolteacher, he didn’t seem to have any specific training in doing historical research; I don’t think he was even a history major in college (probably did education). Additionally, the book-covers and purchasing info made it clear all the books were self-published, and the provided text snippets contained grammar errors.

Yeah, I left that page bookless. Maybe the info in them was perfectly fine and he just couldn’t find a publisher who wanted creative non-fiction about an event most people have never heard of led by a chief with a name most can’t pronounce…. But I’m going to bet the research matched the grammar: slap-dash.

Now, that was a relatively easy one to figure out; I spent all of 10 minutes on the page. (And no, I’m not naming the author nor linking to the books, as this is an example, not an attempt to humiliate the person.) But it gives you some idea how I evaluate books in a field very far from my own specialty.

———————

* Although that said, they’re starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel to come up with new topics for Yet Another “Companion to….” Some I’ve seen would be better just sold as a collection on X topic, not “Companion to….”

[UHQ] TheStandard_Vol11_Issue3 March, 2023 (PHOTO CREDITS: Amanda Demme: Blue NY Bomber Jacket, Bright patterned jacket / Lindsey Byrnes: Red back drop photos / Pierre Hennequin: B&W photo)

DAP Health’s 2023 Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards | The Standard

The Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards, DAP Health’s biggest annual fundraiser, also fondly known as The Chase returns to dazzle donors outdoors at the Palm Springs Convention Center on the evening of Saturday, March 25. Fashion, medicine, and music will take center stage at the starry annual benefit gala.

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Up Close with Headliner Darren Criss

Darren Criss — the 36-year-old “Glee” alum who won an Emmy, a Golden Globe, and a Screen Actors Guild Award for playing gay serial killer Andrew Cunanan in Ryan Murphy’s “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” — may be making his professional desert debut when he headlines the 2023 The Chase for DAP Health, but he’s no stranger to the Coachella Valley. Since he reports he has a “significant amount of family in the Palm Desert,” he’s somewhat of a regular. “I’ve got all my favorite spots, let’s put it that way.” He even made it to fellow performer Harry Styles’ last North American “Love On Tour” stop (and impromptu birthday bash) on February 1 at the new Acrisure Arena.

I chatted with Criss over Zoom while he was in Los Angeles to talk about what we can expect at his show, his love of all things show biz, and his ties to queer audiences.

Tell me a bit about the show you’ll be presenting at The Chase.

When I have the opportunity to play events like this, which are very fun — I know The Chase is very big and I’m very thrilled to be there — I’m the court jester. I’m just making sure I’m servicing people having a good time. So, I tend to stray away from deep cuts [in favor of] any smattering of things that people would be familiar with from, Broadway or the stuff I did on “Glee” or just covers in general that are fun to play and that kind of seem appropriate for the vibe. I’m notorious about not coming up with a set list until a few days before. I’ll have a band [that night], so I have to be a little more fastidious with the organizing of that. The nice thing about being a musician is you’re your own accompanist. If this was just me, I wouldn’t have an answer for you. Maybe about an hour before I went on stage — ’cause I would go to the party, kind of get a vibe from people, have a couple drinks — I’d go, “OK, I think I get the playlist,” and then I’d just do it… I’d just show up and try to make people happy. You can quote me on that.

Acting, singing, or songwriting and producing — what would you say is your favorite?

That’s a great question, because usually the question is, “Which one do you consider yourself?” And my answer is, they’re all the same because they’re all connected. They’re all storytelling. It’s just different tailoring. Different dress codes. But it’s the same party, the same venue….

You know, I’ve been very lucky, where I’ve gotten to do everything. I will say the most fulfilling would probably have to be songwriting…. Songwriting and producing probably consume most of my soul.

Talking acting, is it film, TV, or theatre?

Nice work if you can get it. Listen, I’m a mercenary. I’ll be very happy to have the opportunity to work in any of those fields if they invite me to the party. Lucky me. And I’m always grateful and cherish every opportunity that comes my way. Obviously, I come from the theatre, so it kind of has my heart and soul because there is an immediacy to it. So, yeah, that might be the leading player on the field.

Between “Glee,” Ryan Murphy, and Broadway, you clearly have a lot of queer fans. Thoughts?

I think the simple answer is I’ve always felt so privileged to be included at what I deem to be the cool kids table. And that’s not me trying to be charming or sucking up to a certain demographic. I’ve spent a lifetime chasing my heroes, wanting to have the people I think are cool think I’m cool. And I’ve worked very hard for that. I’ve educated myself. I’ve tried to cultivate my life so that people I respect might go, “Hey, this kid ain’t so bad.” And a huge [number], if not the majority, of those people come from the queer community. I feel very privileged to have anybody’s attention, much less that of a community of people I think are rad. I’m just so pleased to have a seat of the table, and I hope that my conversation is interesting enough to hold their attention and to be worthy of their time.

As you know, The Chase is DAP Health’s largest annual benefit, and the organization began in 1984 as Desert AIDS Project. How have HIV and AIDS touched your life personally?

I was born in the eighties, raised in the nineties, in San Francisco. I’m from a very, very queer city during a very troubled time that didn’t see everybody survive. People’s uncles were dying. I was a little boy. You’d notice, and you’d go, “Wait, what’s going on?” But it’s something that didn’t really hit me until much later in life. When you’re old enough to understand and realize, “Holy shit, that was a pretty insane time.” I’m very lucky because I’m of a generation that got to benefit from the slow de-stigmatization and more healthy conversations around HIV and AIDS. The men and women in my circle who are living with it, when we talk about the sort of dark days of AIDS in the United States, they and I are just supremely aware of the people upon whose shoulders we get to live our day-to-day life. I consider myself very, very lucky.

Well said. Shifting gears to a lighter subject, The Chase can be quite the fashionista extravaganza. So, here’s the most important question: Have you picked out your outfit?

Oh, girl. Um, no. [Laughs] And I’m not proud about it. I gotta get on it. Thanks for reminding me. I gotta get a set list together and an outfit. It’s literally the two things that are required of me. And I don’t have either one right now.

PHOTO CREDITS: Amanda Demme: Blue NY Bomber Jacket, Bright patterned jacket / Lindsey Byrnes: Red back drop photos / Pierre Hennequin: B&W photo