#I finally googled it willing to risk spoilers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tricksters-captain · 3 years

Text

Bucky Barnes Imagines - Some Sunny Day Part 3

Summary: Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.

In this chapter: After finding Sharon in Madripoor, you learn about the creator of the soldier serum (Based on S1 EP3)

(PART 1) (PART 2)

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 3,457

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 3, violence, strong language.

Once you arrived at Sharon’s you were itching to get out of the costume Zemo cooked up for you.

“Looks like breaking all those laws is treating you well.” Sam gawked at Sharon’s place which was full of art work and collectables.

“I thought if I had to hustle, might as well enjoy the life of a real hustler. You know how much I’ll get for a real Monet?” Sharon shrugged as she lead you through her gallery.

“Easy...Deactivate your hustle mode. You sell fake Monets.” Sam didn’t believe her as he stared at the artwork.

“No. She means real. This gallery is specialized in stolen artwork. Monet. Van Gogh. Classics.” Zemo defended Sharon as he followed her.

“It’s true. You know, half the artwork in museums like the Louvre is fake. Real stuff sits in places like this.” Bucky informed Sam.

“Okay, guys, I see what you’re doing. You’re more worldly than good old Sam.” Sam pulled out his phone and started searching a nearby paining.

“Yeah. What’s Google say?” Bucky teased him for it.

“No shit.” Sam muttered as the realisation hit him.

“You guys need to change. I’m hosting clients in an hour.” Sharon beckoned you along to which you were silently thankful for.

Sharon was kind enough to let you look through her vast collection of clothes until you picked out something you liked.

“Hey... You okay?” You asked softly.

You and Bucky were alone with your backs to each other as you changed in one of Sharon’s many rooms.

“I’m fine.” Bucky replied quietly.

You knew he wouldn’t be fine after having to act like the winter soldier again. You watched him at that bar. He didn’t hold back when he attacked those men.

“Buck, you know you can’t lie to me.” You tried to keep it light but Bucky wasn’t having it.

“I’m not.”

You didn’t push.

“Hey, will you zip me up?” You asked after stepping into your dress. You didn’t turn but you could hear Bucky’s footsteps as he approached you.

You felt the cold of his fingers brush against your back as he slowly zipped up the dress.

You turned when the zip reached the top.

“Thanks.” You whispered.

Bucky’s eyes were burning through you as he admired your choice of dress.

“You look beautiful.” Bucky murmured, his eyes taking in every detail.

“You scrub up quite nicely yourself.” You smiled as you admired Bucky in the suit Sharon had given him. You couldn’t deny the butterflies in your stomach as you thought about a possible normal circumstance Bucky could wear something like this. Like a date.

“Come on.” Bucky took your hand and lead you to the door that would take you back to the others.

“It’s alright. I’m gonna sort my hair out. Running through Low-town didn’t exactly do it any favours.” You retracted your hand and returned to the mirror. Bucky hesitated didn’t question you.

“What’s going on with you and Bucky?” Sharon’s voice filled the room as you heard the door open again. “Thought the two of you’d be together by now.”

“We’re coworkers. We’ve always been coworkers.” You were wary of Sharon’s new found attitude.

“Oh please. You two have wanted to jump each others bones the whole time I've known you.” Sharon rolled her eyes at you as she slump down on the love seat beside you.

You remained silent as you brushed through your hair.

“Oh come on.” Sharon rolled her eyes. “You two have never?”

“No.” You said almost too quickly.

“Well it’s only a matter of time. I don’t know why you are dragging it out so long.” Sharon sighed dramatically as she picked at the fabric on the settee.

“I don’t know why everyone is so invested in mine and Bucky’s relationship.” You spun around to face her. “You. Sam. Steve. You all poke and prod but you don’t take into consideration all the factors.”

“No you don’t take into consideration that there’s only so much time before one day you’re shot or killed or you have to go on the run and never see him again. You need to grow some balls, (y/n).” Sharon didn't bother sticking around after that.

You groaned and closed your eyes.

When you finally decided to rejoin the group, they were discussing Sharon’s status in Madripoor.

“What’s going on, Sharon? You don’t ever wanna come back home?” Sam asked as he put on a shirt.

“They’ll lock me up if I step foot back in the States. Madripoor doesn’t allow extradition.” Sharon replied pretty matter-of-factly as she walked over to her desk.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call, but after the Blip and the chaos, I just––” Sharon cut Sam off before he could explain himself.

“––Look, you know the whole hero thing is a joke, right? The way you gave up that shield, deep down, you must know it’s all hypocrisy.

“He knows. And not so deep down.” Zemo felt the need to jump in.

“By the way, how is the new Cap?” Sharon asked.

“Don’t get me started.”Bucky grumbled.

“Please. You buy into all that stars and stripes bullshit. Before you were his pet psychopath, you were Mr. America! Cap’s best friend.” Sharon smirked as she sat down beside Bucky.

“Wow. She’s kind of awful now.” Bucky said as he looked over at you.

“Karli Morgenthau and at least seven others have taken the serum.” You took the initiative to change the topic back to the reason you were here in the first place.

“You guys really should steer clear of all of this for your own safety.”Sharon warned you as she shook her head.

“We know it’s a risk, but we won’t leave until we find the one who cracked the code.” Sam took the chair beside Sharon as he spoke.

“We got a name. Wilfred Nagel.” Bucky told her.

“Nagel works for the Power Broker.” Sharon informed you as she stood to pour herself a drink.

“We need your help, Sharon. I can get your name cleared.” Sam offered.

“You haggling with my life?” Sharon smirked again.

“Not like that.” Sam shook his head.

“I don’t buy that. You pretending like you can clear my name.” Sharon leant back against her bar.

“Okay, maybe it is hypocrisy. Maybe you’re right. What happened to you. But I’m willing to try if you are. They cleared the bionic staring machine, and he killed almost everybody he’s met.” Sam approached her with his good old puppy dog eyes.

“I heard that.” Bucky frowned, unimpressed by Sam’s use of example.

“I don’t trust charity.” Sharon sighed.

“All right, a deal then. You help us out, and I get your name cleared.” Sam offered his hand.

“Well, I sell to some pretty connected people. Lay low, blend in, enjoy the party. Try to stay outta trouble. I’ll see what I can find.” Sharon took the deal.

The party seemed to suddenly start.

Within minutes the whole place was jam packed. Music suffocated the space and the smell of sweat and alcohol was growing.

You stayed in between Sam and Bucky as you walked single file through the gathering. You reached back and linked fingers with Bucky’s to make sure you didn’t get parted in the crowd.

As the bar came into view, you felt a hand grab your ass.

“Hey!” Bucky took hold of the stranger and slammed him against the nearest wall. Holding him by the throat.

Sam was there to diffuse the situation in a second. He placed a. hand on Bucky’s shoulder to pull him away.

“Lay low remember.” Sam repeated what Sharon had told everyone over the blaring music.

Bucky released the creep and stepped back.

That gave you enough space to send your own punch. The man cried out, sliding down the wall and cradling his gushing nose.

“Looks like she does not need help.” Zemo chimed in.

You all left the guy without drawing too much attention to yourselves.

The music wasn’t exactly your taste and you knew that it definitely wasn’t Bucky's but that didn’t stop you from taking him away from Sam and Zemo.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asked you.

“Got a bit boring just standing there, no?” You smirked.

“You can’t expect me to dance to this, can you?” Bucky grimaced at the pulsing beat that classified as music.

“You can try.” You smirked as you brought yourself closer to the man.

You moved your body to the music, smiling widely him as he awkwardly tried to sway to it.

“I thought you were a good dancer?!” You teased Bucky as you watched him.

“I was!” Bucky defended himself. “When the music was Louis Armstrong and Glenn Miller!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the man before wrapping your arm around his neck.

“You gotta move a bit more like this.” You tried to show him, taking his hand and placing it on your hip.

Bucky was starting to look a little less like a grandpa as he got into the groove of it.

His eyes were locked on you, a small smile on his lips. He looked undeniably handsome.

“I think you’re getting it.” You leant up by his ear to tell him.

“Well, we can’t look any worse than Zemo.” Bucky pointed through the crowd where Zemo was dancing.

You burst into laughter at the sight of the war criminal dancing and buried your face into Bucky’s neck. Bucky laughed next to your ear. It was a rare genuine sound that sent tingles through your head.

“Come on.. Let’s get some water.” You left the dance floor and rejoined Sam by the bar where he had started to speak to some other guests.

Sharon approached you a little while later with some good news and so you all immediately left the party.

“Madripoor could give New York a run for its money.” Sam stated as you arrived at the location of Nagel.

“They know how to party.” Zemo agreed.

You followed Sharon through the shipping container yard as she searched for the right one.

“With that bounty on your head, the longer you’re in Madripoor, the less likely you’re ever leaving.” Sharon stopped and pointed over to a red container. “All right. He’s in there. Container four-two-six-one. I’ll watch while you guys talk to Nagel. But hurry. We’re on borrowed time.”

“You want me to stick around out here with you in case you run into trouble?” You asked her as you all took an ear piece.

“I’ll be alright. I’ll call if I need any back up.” Sharon dismissed your offer before walking away.

You all entered the container cautiously before Sam contacted Sharon.

“Hey, Sharon. You sure this is the right one? It’s completely empty.” He was right. To the eye, it was empty.

“Positive. It has to be.” Sharon replied.

You shared a look between Sam and Bucky as Zemo felt around the. back of the container.

Suddenly, it shifted and a hidden door opened.

Soft music played from below along with a muffled voice.

It has to be Nagel.

Sam, Bucky and you all went in armed.

You silently negotiated between each other which urged Sam to go ahead and cut the music. Nagel spun around at the intrusion.

“Dr. Nagel?” Sam inquired.

“Who are you? What do you want?” The man wasn’t intimidating and didn't seem to have any weapons around him but you had learnt in the past not to underestimate your opponent.

“We know you created the super-soldier serum.” Sam informed him.

“Get out of my lab.” Nagel demanded pretty boldly considering Sam was the one with the gun.

“Hey! You know who he is, right?” Sam asked as he caught the shocked look on Nagel’s face at the sight of Bucky. This is Baron Zemo. I know you’ve heard of him, too, right? You seem like a pretty smart guy. So you better become conversational real quick.”

“How about a counter proposal? Make me a better offer and I’ll talk.”Nagel smirked.

“Guys, we have company.” Sharon’s voice whispered through the ear piece. “Every bounty hunter in the city is here. We gotta go.”

“I’ll go up.” You lowered your gun from Nagel and went to turn when Sam stopped you.

“No, we might need you.” Sam meant he might need your powers.

“But...” You gestured to your ear.

“She didn’t ask for back up.” Sam argued.

You sighed but listened to Sam.

Bucky moved Nagel over to a chair. He held his gun to the man’s temple.

“Here’s your counter offer.” Bucky shot next to Nagel’s head which worked wonders to make him talk.

“Okay. Okay. I was brought into HYDRA’s Winter Soldier program to pick up their work after the five failed test subjects in Siberia. When HYDRA fell, I was recruited by the CIA. They had blood samples from an American test subject with semi-stable traces of serum in his system. After much labor, I was able to isolate the necessary compounds in his blood. I was a god. I did what no other scientist since Erskine was able to do. But mine was going to be different. No clunky machines or jacked up bodies. Mine was going to be subtle, optimized, perfect.”

“How have we never heard about this?” You asked, your eyes flicking over at Sam.

“Because… Before I was able to complete my work, I turned to dust. Then when I returned, it was five years later, program had been abandoned, so I came here. The Power Broker was more than happy to fund the recreation of my work.” Nagel explained.

“How many vials did you make?” Sam asked.

“Twenty. Karli Morgenthau stole those, so I can only imagine what the Power Broker has planned for that poor girl.”

“Where’s Karli now?”You stepped forward, rolling up your sleeve as a warning.

“I don’t know where she is. But a couple of days ago, she called and asked if I could help someone named Donya Madani. Poor woman has tuberculosis. Typical of overpopulation in displacement camps like that.” You took a mental note of the name Nagel mentioned.

“Well, what happened to her?” You pushed

“Not my pig. Not my farm.” Nagel shrugged.

You looked back at Sam with a look asking if you should check if he's telling the truth but Sam shook his head.

“Is there any serum in this lab?” Bucky asked.

Nagel sent Bucky a deep glare but Bucky’s gun brought forth the answer.

“No.”

“Now what?” Bucky asked you and Sam.

“Guys, we’re seriously outta time here.” Sharon bursted in, looking a little battered.

All of a sudden, Zemo pulled a gun out and shot Nagel.

“No!” Sam cried out

You lunged forward and reached for the man’s arm. If you could catch his final moments of life leaving his body you could still get the memories but as you hand touched his skin all you saw was darkness.

You screamed as you went blind.

You felt a pair of hands pull you up from the ground to which you could only assume was Bucky.

“What did you do?!” Sharon gasped at Zemo’s action.

“I can’t see, Buck.” You felt your whole body go limp in his arms as you muttered those final words before you passed out.

When you felt your eyes open again, you were out of the container. Gun shots were muffled in your eyes as you heard Bucky and Sam arguing.

You were covered in dust and you didn’t have your gun.

“Where’s my gun?” You asked. That’s when the boys realised you were awake.

You only managed to crawl over to Bucky to take it from him and start to fire.

Your aim was off from how exhausted you were but the adrenaline was there enough for you to get a good few shots in.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked you as the firing stopped. Zemo was busy taking out the remaining bodies so it gave you time to sit back again.

“Not really.” You shook your head. Your body felt cold and darkness still clouded the corners of your vision. It’s what happened when you tried to get the memories from a dead body, all you could see and feel is death. Your powers only worked on living people or people close to death.

“Come on.” Bucky lifted you up, tucking his arm underneath you to keep you steady on your feet.

You only lasted being half dragged/half running before Bucky picked you up. You hated being carried but this was a life or death situation.

“Buck!” Sam shouted as some more bounty hunters appeared. Bucky put you down and you fell against the container door as he used a broken off pipe to fight them off.

“Let’s go!” Sam tugged you both inside.

Bucky kicked open the back of the container so you could escape, only for you to be met by Zemo in a swanky getaway car.

“Supercharged.” Zemo gestured to his ride.

“You’re going back to jail.” Sam told Zemo.

“Do you want to find Karli or not?” Zemo asked.

“He’s right. We need him.” You tried to speak but your throat was hoarse.

“And there’s only three of us, and at least 20 of them.” Bucky added.

“Fine. But if you try that shit again...” Sam warned him.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Zemo stated. Not that he was to be trusted.

Sam helped you into the back seat. There was concern painted across his face.

“Well, that was one hell of a reunion.” Sharon sighed as she placed her hands on the car.

“Come back to the States with us.” Sam tried to persuade her.

“I can’t. Just get me that pardon you promised me.” Sharon reminded him of the deal they made.

“Thanks for everything.” Sam nodded. “You’re not gonna move your seat up, are you?”

“No.” Bucky shook his head.

You laughed weakly as you remembered the same conversation back when Steve was still around.

Back on Zemo’s plane, you took a position on the small couch with Bucky. You were resting your eyes but trying to stay awake as you listened to the boys talk.

“Donya Madani. She’s a refugee, yeah.” Sam had contacted Torres about the woman Nagel had mentioned. “Call me if you get a hit. --- Thanks, Torres.”

“You okay?” Bucky asked Sam as Sam slouched down.

“Yeah. Just thinking about all the shit Sharon had to go through. And Nagel referring to the American test subject like Isaiah wasn’t even a real person. Just makes me wonder how many people have to get steamrolled to make way for this hunk of metal.”

“Well, it depends on who you ask. That hunk of metal saved a lot of lives.” Bucky looked up from cleaning his hand.

“Yeah, I get that. All right. Maybe I made a mistake.” Sam confessed.

“You did.” Bucky agreed with that statement and so did you but you kept your eyes closed.

“Yeah. Maybe I shouldn’t have put it in a museum. Maybe I should have destroyed it.” Sam didn’t say what you expected.

“Look, that shield represents a lotta things to a lotta people, including me. The world is upside down, and we need a new Cap, and it ain’t gonna be Walker. So before you destroy it, I’ll take it from him myself.” Bucky turned to face Sam as he spoke. You felt the couch shift.

Sam then got a call with the information on Madani.

“They found Madani… Dead. She died in Riga, a city near the Baltic Sea.”

“I have a place we can go. I, for one, am looking forward to coming face to face with Karli. Oeznik, we’re changing the course.” Zemo’s voice was the last thing you remembered before waking up at landing.

“Hey sleepy head.” Bucky whispered quietly. He’d rather be caught dead than let Sam hear him say that.

“Have we landed?” You asked as you rubbed your eyes.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded. “Come on.”

It didn’t take too long to get to Zemo’s place but when you did, Bucky decided to break away.

“I’m gonna go on a walk.” Bucky announced before you entered the building.

“You good?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded as he stepped away.

“Be careful.” You warned him.

You knew Bucky needed his space sometime but now wasn’t the best time for him to just be wandering the streets. Especially if Walker clocks on it was you three that broke Zemo out of prison.

“Always.” Bucky winked at you before finally leaving.

But that was a bad feeling in your gut.

(PART 4)

Bucky Barnes Tag List

@florencxs @mystictimetravelcolor @yourphotographyteen16@shannon-posts @darkbluenovember @sexwithhiddlesbatch@thefandomimagines @mydarkness-itsnotmyfriend @sad-huffle-nerd @glitchingghosts @themaddies-obx @avenging-parker @delilahsdaydream @felicityofbakerstreet @purplewcrld @opheliaaaa

#Bucky Barnes imagines #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #falcon and the winter soldier #falcon and the winter soldier imagines #Sebastian Stan #Sebastian Stan x reader #Sebastian Stan imagines #the winter soldier #falcon #Sam Wilson #Zemo #imagines #series #some sunny day #part 3

390 notes · View notes

stayforya · 4 years

Text

I DON’T KNOW IF WE CAN BE FRIENDS | PT. 2

member: hwang hyunjin

genre: college!au

words: 7.6k

summary: rebuilding a broken relationship is not as easy as it seems, but hyunjin doesn't seem willing to give up. there is still one last chance: 36 questions.

a/n: finally, here is the second part, as some of you asked for! I love this story, so it was great to write a happy ending for it (oops, spoiler?). sorry for the delay & hope you like it! <3

link to part 1

as hyunjin always did

whenever he showed up, he messed with your thoughts, feelings and life as a whole

when he transferred to your university, you knew what would happen

but you were trying to avoid things

as if you could… silly you

he was everywhere

when you finished your classes, he was finishing his and you always saw each other outside of your buildings

when you were walking back to your dorm, you could see him

when you were looking for a place to sit, your eyes would meet

when you met minho and his friends, he was also there

you thought he was following you, trying to make you talk to him again after what you said of not being sure if both of you could be friends again

but it wasn’t it

of course he wanted to see you by the way his eyes always looked for you

but he was at the same places you were because

1. his building was right next to yours, so at the start or the end of the day, before or after classes, it was impossible not to bump into each other

2. you were the one who showed him around and introduced him to places, since minho asked that day when hyunjin arrived

minho was supposed to do that job, but he was very very busy, so he asked you to help hyunjin

and you couldn’t say no

not to hyunjin, but to minho

after helping him during the first two days, you didn’t talk to him again

and everything was okay like that

you got to see minho a lot after the exams, so you had a lot of fun together

you two always enjoyed these moments because it was uncertain when they would happen again

as a senior, minho usually was busy and had many extra activities to attend to

you didn’t get angry at all

not only because it’s impossible to be angry at his cute face

but because it was his future, he wanted to do the best he could during the undergraduate years

three weeks after the day hyunjin transferred for good, he suddenly disappeared from your sight

you used to see him every day and then you didn’t see him anymore

nowhere

ok, you weren’t worried at all

he had given you his new number but of course you’d not call or text him

until your phone buzzed in your pocket

you were in front of your building, standing, when you read the text

hyunjin: “given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”

what?

what was that? out of everything he could send you, why that question?

was that a trick or a joke of the freshmen?

you: “what do you mean?”

hyunjin: “it’s important. answer, please”

you rolled your eyes

you: “I don’t know. maybe ed sheeran.”

ok, was that the answer he was supposed to get?

you just said the first person that came to your mind

and to be honest, ed sheeran’s songs were so good, you’d definitely have topics to talk about during a dinner

“ed sheeran?”, you heard a voice getting closer to you

you turned your face in the voice’s direction so fast your neck almost cracked

it was hyunjin, his phone in his right hand

you crossed your arms

“am I a joke to you?”

he smiled, “I just didn’t expect this answer, but ed sheeran is definitely a good choice”

“and what did you expect?”

he shrugged

“I would choose someone that could teach me something during the dinner”, he said, “like a nobel prize winner”

“so you’re telling me ed sheeran has nothing to teach me?”, you started to walk, leaving him behind

but he followed you

“that’s not what I said, I respect your answer”

“thanks”, you turned to him, “I wasn’t even going to answer. why did you ask me this out of nowhere?”

you were trying to understand what was that

if it was a game or something like that

“ok”, he sighed, “this is part of my psychology club”

you frowned, “do you have interest in psychology?”

he never mentioned that before and his major was not psychology

well, people are full of surprises, right?

“I got in this club, so they gave us this”, he showed you a paper with a bunch of questions, “if we want to go through the experience, we can write an essay and get good extra points in any course we choose”

you narrowed your eyes

“so… am I supposed to help?”

he smiled

ok, that was cute

“if you can”

“what is this for? 36 questions to fall in love?”

“so you know this”

“I see what you’re doing there”, you started walking again and he ran to stop you, standing in front of you

“wait, wait, will you do this for me?”

“fall in love, hwang hyunjin?”

“come on, no, this is not about falling in love. and we may already know each other’s answers for these questions”, he looked at you, “I would like you to help me with this”

you looked at him standing there

at that moment he was the hyunjin you first met years ago

no need to put your guards up because he was being completely honest

and did that really work? you saw some videos about those questions on youtube but no one knows what happens next

maybe they just make two people know each other better so they create some kind of connection

but falling in love?

was that a risk?

you fell for him before, would the questions make it happen again?

“fine. text me when you need an answer”

“sometimes we need to answer this face to face”, he said

“you know where to find me”

you started walking again, on your way to meet your friends and eat

you didn’t know but hyunjin was still standing there, smiling to himself

as if he won something

during the night, you couldn’t stop thinking about those questions

you googled every single one of those thirty-six questions

and you immediately knew you wouldn’t want to answer some of them

or maybe you could think of the best answers to not let much of your feelings come out

sigh

no, you couldn’t

you had a lot of things to work on

you didn’t have time to think about the questions for the whole night

besides that, hyunjin would probably give up before you two finished the thirty sixth question

just stop overthinking and sleep already

next morning, you woke up feeling good

you know when you just feel unbothered

you slept well, so you were feeling like that

you took a shower, got ready, ate something and went to your first class of the day

while you were walking to the building, you felt it

you felt someone running behind you

and there he was

by your side, catching his breath

“morning”, he stopped, hands on the knees, out of breath

“morning. why are you running?”

“I have a class now”

you looked at him, “come on, I know you want to make the second question”

he raised his eyebrow, unconcerned

“not exactly, we still have time”

you shrugged, “okay then”

“you know the second question, don’t you?”

“I don’t remember”

he giggled, “I know you, y/n. that’s why I’m sure you searched for all the questions”

“sorry, you’re wrong, hyunjin”, you lied

did you forget for how long you two were best friends? he knew you very well

“alright. but here goes the second question: would you like to be famous? in what way?”

“‘in what way’, as if the author knew we’re going to say yes”

“I’ll reformulate it: ‘if so, in what way?’”

you appreciated his effort

“you answer first”, you said

you two were still walking, but slowly now

“I would like to. if it was for doing something I love, like playing with the band, I’d like to. it’s not a goal, you know. but if it happened… I’d be fine with it”, he said

you liked how carefree he was sometimes

of course he had his moments

you saw him crying before, not just once, because he was worried about a lot of things

or just because he was touched about something

but when it comes to the future, he has some kind of assurance

he would make it work either way

whatever he had to do, he’d learn, find a way, create

hyunjin was sensitive and you liked that

but he was also confident

and you liked that too

“I wish I was like this”

“how?”, he asked

you held a smile and shook your head

“nevermind. I don’t think I’d like to be famous. seems like it’s too much to handle”

he nodded

“but wouldn’t you be able to handle?”

“I don’t think so. or maybe I don’t want to”, you two laughed

“don’t underestimate yourself, y/n”, he walked fasted and turned to face you, “I gotta go now”

he waved

“yeah, me too”, you were already close to your building

the class was about to start

“see you?”

“see you”, you said

the first two classes were great

but during the third one you were so exhausted already

too much to catch on, too much information at once

your hand was already tired of writing everything the professor was talking

when your phone lighted up

you quickly put your hand on it to cover the light

and slowly took it off to see the notification

“hyunjin: name three things we have in common”

you two hadn’t agreed on sending texts during the classes

and you didn’t want that to become a habit

but come on

just that time

that was an interesting question

“you: this isn’t the third question”

“hyunjin: so you googled the questions, huh? lol”

he always knew when you were lying

you forgot that

you decided to ignore and answer the main question

“you: one, we study in the same place.”

a good one, indeed

making obvious statements was the best, so he couldn’t make the same ones

“you: two, we lived in the same city for almost our whole lives.”

obvious again

“you: three, we know each other very well”

you wanted the last to be a little more… intimate

because he knew you, he probably knew how you were playing that game

keeping it simple

not going too deep

“hyunjin: good ones. we really do know each other very well”

yes

that was his way of saying he knew what you were doing

“hyunjin: 1. we like sunsets 2. we like ice cream the most (mint chocolate or rainbow sherbet for me, as you know) 3. we have friends in common”

“we have friends in common” as if you two weren’t the friends the other people had in common

yes, you both liked sunsets

a lot, by the way

your favourite memories with hyunjin were definitely in the end of the day

when the sun was setting

and you two were having ice cream while enjoying each other’s presence

you smiled by remembering that

but when you came back to reality, the professor’s voice was a little louder

you got startled

before putting your phone back in your bag

you answered

“you: it’s been so long since I ate ice cream. anyways, you definitely did it better than me”

“hyunjin: of course I did, you didn’t even try too hard lol let’s have ice cream then”

he had nothing to lose, after all

“you: it proves my third point. anyways, we can have ice cream.”

you knew he was smiling wherever he was

and you were too

you had a quick break for lunch and met your friends to eat together

“you’re definitely in a good mood today”, one of them told you

“woke up like this”, you said, drinking your orange juice

“guess what?”, the other friend checked her phone, “I have a date!”

“what?”, you covered your mouth with your hands

“is it that boy? the one from the concert?”, your friend asked

“yeah! we were just talking but finally he asked me out”, she answered

she met this guy during the last festival

the exact one you saw hyunjin again after a long time

she started giving details about when, where and what she was going to wear for the date

in your group of friends, when one of you had something important coming up, everyone would expect a lot too

during the whole lunch time, the date was the biggest subject of your conversation

“wait, is that guy looking for you?”, your friend questioned, looking at somewhere you couldn’t see because of how the way you were sitting

“what? which guy?”

you thought about minho

“that friend of yours… I forgot his name. oh, he’s coming”

you didn’t turn to look, just waited

and there he was, standing by your side

“hi, sorry for interrupting”, he said with the smile that made everyone smile too

the reason why almost no one could feel angry at him

“it’s okay”, your friends told him

“y/n, I need your help”

“what for?”

“do you have free time today? after lunch?”

“I still have one class to attend to”, you said, wanting to know what he needed before accepting anything

“and after that?”

you looked at your friends

you wanted them to save you

but you couldn’t lie because he would know

and they weren’t going to help you with any lies because they always found hyunjin a nice guy

“I’m free”, you finally gave up

“great, can we meet, then?”

your friends were looking at you

you looked up at him

“is it for that project you’re working on for the club?”

you didn’t have to, but you felt like it would be important to give an explanation about what he was talking about

“yep”, he said

“I’ll find you in front of my building at 2pm”

he just winked, greeted the girls again and walked away

“he’s that long-time friend of yours, isn’t he?”, your friend asked

“yeah, he transferred. I told you girls”

“I remember”, she said, “he’s cute, don’t you think?”

they always teased you about every single boy ever just because you didn’t seem very interested in your romantic life

“nah, he’s just fine”

“come on, she’s into minho”, your other friend pointed out

“if we at least had time to meet again”, you said

they sighed as you stood up to go to class

“seniors are too busy, I wonder if we’re gonna be like this”

“we’re not gonna be like that, he just likes to study too much”, she said and you all laughed

ok but being real

you were excited about what you and hyunjin were going to do

he didn’t give any explanation but it was related to the project

so it was okay

that was why you were excited, right?

anyways, when you finished everything you had to do

when your class ended

you were in front of your building when he approached with ice cream in both of his hands

he was so unbothered eating his ice cream you almost smiled

he handed you the one in his right hand

“is it still your favourite?”, he asked

“yes”, you accepted

that ice cream tasted so good

hyunjin was probably thinking the same because he wasn’t even talking, just eating

he stopped by this table under a tree

“so, when are we starting?”

he finished eating, “now”

“is it going well? in your psychology club”

“very well! they’re great. everyone is sharing stories about the experiment”

“are we doing it right, based on other people’s stories?”

he shrugged, “yeah, it’s actually a very particular experience for every pair”

you nodded

“ok, let’s continue…”, he found the list, “next question: for what in life do you feel the most grateful?”

you were still eating your ice cream, so he looked away and started to talk

“I feel the most grateful for the opportunities I had in life and for the ones I’ll still have”, he said

it somehow sounded deep

hyunjin was always playful and fun

but sometimes he was very thoughtful

“do you think all the opportunities and chances you had brought you here today?”

“yes. I guess it somehow shapes us. for instance, I had the opportunity to transfer here. if I didn’t have, I’d still be there where I was, which wasn’t bad, but wasn’t what I wanted anymore”

“and the ones you have today will take you somewhere else”

“yep. I am grateful for each one of them. even this one, to be honest”, he said, now looking at you

“which one?”, you looked right into his eyes

“the opportunity of making up for the time I missed”

you didn’t know what to say

honestly, looking into his eyes wasn’t the most comfortable thing after everything that happened, but now

at that moment

it was comfortable

and maybe that’s why you couldn’t look at anywhere else

“I am the most grateful for all that I have and for all that I don’t know yet, which are what make me dream”

you two were staring at each other so immersed in that moment

that anyone walking by would wonder what you were talking about

you smiled quickly and looked away

“I admire that”, hyunjin said

you somehow felt awkward and started to change the subject

“what’s next?”

hyunjin read: “if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”

you thought for a whole minute before replying

“I would like to have been taught about loving myself earlier”

“it isn’t easy, though”

“it never is”, you agreed, “and I don’t really know if it would help anyways, because you only learn it by yourself. it’s an insightful process”

“but when someone loves you a lot, you can also learn that you are loveable and love yourself”

“I agree with you”

you remembered hyunjin’s words to you

how he loved everything about you

at that time, you felt so loved by him, you were loving yourself a lot too

not that you can only love yourself when someone loves you

but the way he loved you opened your eyes to how you were still worthy of love, even with your flaws

“for me, I wish I was more independent since always”

“you look very independent, though”

“I have improved a lot but it wasn’t always this easy”

with every question, it was obvious how you two were feeling more comfortable in each other’s presence

hyunjin was aware of that and he was smiling more

joking more

like he always did

but now you were laughing with him too

joking too

that was the difference

the next step was “take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible”

hyunjin started

he talked about his childhood, about growing up, about his family, his little dog, his friends, his first kiss (which wasn’t you), and his first love

he didn’t name his first love

he said she had a beautiful smile that made his heart melt at the first time he saw her

and the best thing about it was that she didn’t even try

when he and she became friends, they were just friends

for real

and they were like this for a long time

until they fell in love

which wasn’t hard

because it happened so naturally

they didn’t even know if they were dating or not

but he loved her a lot and he never wanted to hurt her in any way

of course, life goes on and things happen

so he moved after high school, went to college

met new friends

even met another girl

she was fun and smart

but they didn’t work out

and every time he was sad during that year

he thought about his long-time friend

or ex-friend

wondering what she was doing

his time was over

the timer warned

you knew the whole story

not the college part because that was when both of you were apart

he found someone else there

you didn’t know that, but isn’t it expected?

you met new people too, had a love interest

and now you were face to face

telling what you both missed in each other’s life

it was your time

you spent a long time talking about your childhood so you didn’t have to be very detailed about your high school days

however, it was unfair

he opened his heart and you would hide yours?

so you said it

said that you had a first love too during high school

and that your heart broke when it ended

but it was okay now

your life changed when you started college

it was much busier now

and you met new people too

everything was new and it was the good part of it all

your time was over

it felt like telling your story to a stranger

because hyunjin knew almost everything you told

but still you were telling your story as if he didn’t

it was good, though, it felt like taking a weight off your shoulders

“I’m glad you met new people”, he said, “everyone should have a friend like you”

“thank you…”, your voice was lower

“it’s crazy how, even being apart, we still managed to have friends in common”

“are you talking about minho?”

“not only him, but yes”

“he’s great. he knows a lot of people, actually, so it’s not very surprising for me”, you already wanted to change subjects

you didn’t want to end up talking about how it was supposed to be

you and hyunjin meeting again

because you didn’t want to believe that

he transferred because he wanted to

so it had nothing like “meant to be” in that

right?

then you thought about what he said

opportunities

being with you, at the same university, was an opportunity too

so it had a certain percentage of fate, maybe

not “fate” in the strict sense of the word

but as something that would end up happening somehow, within the countless coincidences of life

next question was: “if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?”

hyunjin said he wanted to know if the 36 questions experience would work

“if falling in love is how it works in the end, I’m not sure if it will work”, you said

“I don’t mean falling in love exactly, maybe just bringing two people closer”

“then I’d like to know it too”

“it’s a crystal ball, you can know anything else”, he said

“I still want to know this”, you said

he giggled

question: “what do you value the most in a friendship?”

you answered “loyalty”

he answered “sincerity”

question: “what is your most treasured memory?”

hyunjin: “when I met my dog for the first time”

you two laughed

it was cute

he really adores his dog

you: “when I went to the beach for the first time and watched the sunset. I was still a kid”

“is that why you like sunsets?”

“I think so”

question: “what roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“it’s important. every significant relationship in life must be filled with love and affection”, you said

hyunjin nodded

“I totally agree. if the relationship doesn’t have love or affection, it’s just too shallow. I guess it loses the meaning”

“just by thinking someone important doesn’t have love or affection for you anymore, the whole thing loses meaning”, you didn’t mean to talk about you and hyunjin

even though it made sense if related to your friendship with him

“I guess that’s why we shall always say what we feel. the other person needs that”, he said

you wanted to agree with that

but it didn’t make sense to agree with something you weren’t doing

because you avoided hyunjin for so long

and he walked away from you too

so why agree when you weren’t being 100% real about your feelings?

you didn’t even know your feelings anymore

“do you think so?”, you asked him

“I do”

“did you always think like this?”

“no. it took a while to learn it”

was he talking about how he left, thinking that saying nothing would make things easier when it clearly didn’t?

you asked the next question: “alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. share a total of five items.”

“you’re the best partner for this experience”, he said

you laughed, “well, you’re funny, hyunjin. I like that”

was he blushing or was it just because of the ray of sunlight passing through the leaves of the trees?

“you didn’t have to go through this with me, still you accepted and is spending a whole afternoon answering questions. this shows how kind you are”

he caught you by surprise

you actually thought a lot about helping him with this

but somehow you just felt like you should

because you wanted to

and because it was hyunjin, after all

you resisted for too long

“your presence lights up the place”, you just let it out

by the way his eyebrows raised, he was surprised too

“ok, don’t make me blush”, he was already blushing, “you’re very committed to everything you decide to do. I’m not only talking about this experience”

“I gotta agree with that. we started then we’re finishing it. next… you pay attention to details”

“I do, I notice it all”, he shrugged in a funny way, “I think the way you look at me is positive”

you immediately looked away

that was what you loved and hated on hyunjin

he had this effect on you

he knew the right thing to say

if at least he was just a bad boy who didn’t want anything serious with you

but he was the kind-hearted guy you always knew

he cared about you

“why is that positive?”

“because I like it”, he answered immediately

“hm, anyways, you bought me ice cream, it’s positive”

he laughed, “come on, is it valid? I always did that”

“no, you spent a long time not doing that”

“you have a point. ok, last one”, hyunjin was thinking, “you’re a great friend, y/n. this is one of the most positive characteristics I see in you. no wonder everyone loves to have you around”

“what? I don’t think everyone loves to have me around”

“you can’t see it but whoever is around you loves to be there. I think… I think this is what I missed the most. being around you.”

you bowed your head so you wouldn't face him

“what could I do?”, you said, “I didn’t go away”

the silence has settled between you

your voice was low, stable, soft when it broke the silence

“you know what, hyunjin, something positive about you is that you can mess with my head. it’s positive to you, but I still don’t know how positive it is to me. you make me overthink, you make me wonder about the feelings I thought I buried, you make me want to spend a whole afternoon answering questions and eating ice cream. after all this time. that’s what you do. to be honest, I don’t understand. I want to, but I wonder: am I right? what does he want for real? is he leaving again tomorrow? I wish I could believe all the words you say, and I am believing, which is probably why I’m so worried.”

“y/n…”, he was speechless

his hand reached yours on top of the table

“it’s almost sunset time now, I gotta go back to my dorm”, you said

“y/n, don’t leave like this. I don’t want to mess with your head, I just want to have what we had again. I don’t want to change your life, but I’m here now, and I want to use this opportunity to make up for the lost time”

you stood up

“you were so important to me, hyunjin, and that’s why it hurt so bad when you left. you gave me the world and walked away. then when you started your whole new dream life, I understood that it was time for me to move on too, because you didn’t seem to care anymore. I know you already said sorry and I know you really are because – that’s another positive thing about you – you’re sincere. how I wish you were sincere back then too, so I wouldn’t have questioned everything you said to me before”

he held your hand again

gently

you could feel his rings next to your fingers

you didn’t want to turn to him and look at his face because his eyes would melt you down

but you did

and the sadness you saw on his face

he was worried

that broke your heart but you finally said it all

why did you have to love him so much?

why did he have to love you so much back then?

you did move on

you were fine where you were

but it was okay when you were without him

all fine, until he came back

“please tell me everything that you want”, he said

“I already did. there are still some questions left, but we can’t finish later, okay?”

he nodded while you let go of his hand

“thank you for the ice cream”, you tried to smile and started walking

“y/n”

he called your name

and you stopped

“I’m not going anywhere. you know where to find me because I am not going anywhere”

you didn’t look at him when he said that

but you knew he didn’t move a bit until you were far

you didn’t fight with hyunjin

it wasn’t supposed to be an argument or something

you just wanted to tell him what you were feeling for a long time

of course you wanted to be friends with him again

the problem was

being friends with hyunjin again would definitely make you fall in love again

you just knew that

you didn’t have to be lovers or date or anything

but you two would have to ignore the feeling until it was gone because it was just automatic

you would like each other as lovers because it happened before and it never had a real closure

the thing about him was also that he made you uncertain of how it would turn out

how long it would last

but weren’t you thinking too much?

why lose opportunities because of fear?

days went by

you and hyunjin finished the questions through text messages

not even commenting on each other’s answers

just answering

and to be honest that was so awkward

you were clearing doing that just because you had to

or maybe because deep down you two wanted but no one wanted to seem too much interested

you respected the order of the questions sometimes

at other times you selected randomly

so when hyunjin said you two finished the experiment

you believed, but part of you knew one or two questions were missing

“are you sure?”, you asked

he nodded and thanked you, “I’ll buy you ice cream as a payment”

“you know you don’t have to, hyunjin. I’m glad I could help you”

he smiled and walked away, leaving you there

standing in front of your dorm

watching him until he disappeared from your sight

hyunjin became part of your group of friends because he was friends with minho and other people

so when the group went out to eat, to an amusement park or to a concert

he was there too

you could feel his gaze on you

as if he was shy to say something, even though you knew you two were still talking

not too much, but as colleagues did

one day you had a date with minho

he had time those days so he wanted to spend with his friends and with you

of course you said yes

definitely

you and minho weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend

just friends who seemed to like each other more than just friends

you did like him

and you knew he liked you too

but lately, he was so so busy

it was almost impossible to have a moment for just the two of you

minho told you before that he was applying for a special course that would help him a lot when he graduated and applied for a postgraduate degree

you cheered him on

minho was so intelligent, you knew he had total capacity of doing anything he wanted

when he hugged you that day, you felt that he was thankful for everything you told him

and you knew he didn’t want to hurt you, that was why you were the first person he told about the application

if everything worked out, he would be leaving for six months, initially

to complete a semester of his major in another country, developing a research

he could apply again and stay for the whole final year

but he would come back to see you and his friends when he had holidays

you would miss him so much

but just seeing him happy like that

with such a great opportunity

your heart felt full

you were happy for him

when minho said he wanted to meet you again

that night

you knew he probably had news

and yes, he did

he said you were the first to know (after his parents, of course)

because you were the first to encourage him

and you deserved to know

you hugged him so so tight

his arms around your waist and yours around his neck

“I’m so happy for you, minho. I knew you’d be accepted”

“you’re just too kind”, he put his hands in the pockets

“when do you leave?”

“in two weeks… ah, I’m gonna miss it here”

“you should”, you said and he laughed

“I will. I’ll miss our times together, y/n”

“I’ll miss it too. but we’ll keep in touch, right?”

“definitely”

you were in silence for a second

that was when your heart felt

minho was leaving soon

you two never started to date

maybe it was supposed to be that way

but then you started to think

if it was different, how would it be?

you and him could have dated and still be dating

and you’d suffer so much to see him going away

or maybe you could have broken up already

and you’d still suffer

you almost smiled to yourself

minho was too important to you

you didn’t want to think about losing his friendship

even if meant that you two would never develop the romantic feelings that probably were there

but never had the chance to become anything else

“what are you thinking about?”

“you”, you replied right away

“oh”, he smiled, “what exactly?”

“just how we’ll miss you but how you’ll be able to live so many new things. don’t hold back, minho. you gotta promise me you’ll have the best time of your life”

“well, I’ll try, there’s too much to learn there and I’ll probably study even more, but I promise”, he giggled

you and him stopped walking, already in front of your dorm

“we could have been something else, couldn’t we?”, he asked

you knew what he was talking about

“yes, we could. maybe it’s just how it has to be”

he nodded, “I think so, too”

he reached out for your hand

“hey, don’t hold back too. promise me you’ll have the best time of your life”

you played with his fingers while looking at him

“I promise. you know what, you are one of the best things that happened to me here”

“am I?”

“yes”

“not gonna lie, you were one of my best surprises. when you arrived here, I knew you were special, y/n. that’s why I believe there’s so many good things waiting for you”

“come on”, you were shy, hiding your face

“I’m being 100% real. thank you for being the great supporter you are”

“that’s what friends do”

he hugged you

“yes, it is. I know things will be harder when I’m away, you know, communication… but let’s try to be always in touch. I told everyone we must keep the group chat very active”

you giggled inside his arms

“we will, and we’ll send pictures of us hanging out”, you joked

“hey, that’s unfair!”

you talked a little bit more

minho and you hugged again

and when it was late enough, you went to your room

you two were still going to meet for the next two weeks with your friends

to create new memories and spend time together

hyunjin was definitely going to be there

when you thought about him you decided to search for the questions again

just to be sure you two didn’t forget any of them

while you read the questions, you could remember the answers

but there was one specifically

you couldn’t remember the answers

did he forget or he just didn’t want to answer?

hyunjin was everywhere you were

obviously

it was always a group hangout

on minho’s last day, all of you went to the beach to have some fun

and it was fantastic

when he flied to his new university abroad, he sent pictures to you and your friends

the last weeks were great because you were surrounded of great people, great food and great moments

you didn’t send hyunjin a text to ask about the question you guys forgot to answer

and you also didn’t want to talk about it in front of your friends in common

so you just forgot

until an afternoon, weeks later

maybe even one month?

(you lost track of time during the exam’s weeks)

you found him buying ice cream and you approached

“got a moment?”

“yep”

“did we really finish the 36 questions? because I have this feeling that we left one out”

“did we?”

why was he acting so weird?

“I think so. question 33”

“I can’t remember now… but it’s okay, it’s just one”

“you’re kidding, right? you were all about these questions”

“yeah but we finished already, I submitted my essay and I got my points”, he seemed excited

he was walking faster than you

with those long legs, he used to walk faster and you always needed to speed up the pace even more

“did you really forget that one?”

he stopped

looked at you

and then someone screamed “y/n!”

it was your friend

you got stuck between paying attention to what your friend was saying and staying there to receive hyunjin's answer

but your friend was saying something about the grades from the last exam and you had to go there

“you didn’t answer me yet”, you said, running to her

hyunjin was standing there

smiling to himself

he said “you just didn’t find out yet” to himself

of course you wouldn’t hear

you were planning to watch the sunset that day

after all the stress of having so much to do

you were finally free

so you looked for your bag, the one you always took with you when you go out

phone, earphone and a book can fit perfectly there

since the last time you used it, you didn’t take the book out, just your phone

but this time, when you took it out

you found a paper tucked between the pages of the book

you didn’t put it there, did you?

it had the 33rd question written on it

“if you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? why haven’t you told them yet?”

you knew the handwriting very well

the answer was right below

I don’t know when you’re going to see this, but I left this question out because I didn’t know how to answer looking at you. maybe I’m too fearful sometimes. but it’s just because – you must know that – I’m a big fool for you. what I’m writing here is everything I would regret not saying to you and I haven’t told you yet because I can’t do it face to face. or because, if you reject it, you can just throw this paper in the trash and I’ll never know. however, I just can’t lose this opportunity. I had no idea how much I hurt you until that afternoon, when you said it. I knew you had a hard time, but after losing contact we weren’t able to talk openly about this until that day. if I haven’t told you before, I missed you every single day. I am sorry, and you know that. I don’t regret our relationship, and you know that. I can’t forget our moments together, and maybe you know that. I love you. I said it already and I’ll say it again, in case you thought it was a lie. we already recovered a lot of what we lost while being apart, but my heart keeps asking for more. it asks for your hugs, for your goofy laughs, for our deep conversations, for our sunsets together, for all the promises we made to each other… for your kisses. I respect your decisions and the way you want us to be because I know our abrupt breakup messed up everything. but if I still mess with your head – in the best possible way – please come to me when you read this. as I told you, I’m not going anywhere, so you know where to find me. I guess I answered the question.

you were speechless

your brain malfunction for a minute

and when you thought about it, you were still running

going downstairs

opening the front door

the sun was so bright your eyes hurt

it was the golden hour

the campus was quite empty because everyone had free time for other things

where are you running to?, you asked yourself

you didn’t know exactly

you didn’t know where he was

from afar, you could see someone's shadow against the sun, enjoying the sky beside that tree where you and hyunjin talked for hours

it was him

you knew it

you knew that cap

you knew those clothes

those bracelets

you knew all of him

running out of breath, you stopped

he noticed your presence and turned to you

you barely could see his face because he was against the sun

“y/n?”, he said your name

somehow it sounded sweeter than ever

“I found it”, you said, “your answer to the question”

he smiled

after the initial tension, he looked calm

“it took so long…”

“when did you put it there?”

“when we all went to the amusement park to celebrate with minho”

oh, that day

why didn’t you pay attention to your bag before?

“I’m so stupid… I just found it”

“it’s okay. you’d find someday. how did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t, I was looking for you”

he looked down and then lifted his head a bit to look at you

“so…”

did he want your answer?

“I would definitely regret not telling you that I want to try again, hyunjin. I haven’t said it yet because I was scared, because I still had questions on my mind. but now I think we shouldn’t waste time anymore. do you… still want to be friends with me again?”

you knew his eyes were beautiful when he smiled but under the golden hour it was even more beautiful

was it possible to be just friends?

you’d have time to find out

but when he hugged you like he did

like he always did

it felt so familiar and so new at the same time

“of course I do”, his lips covered by your hair during the hug

when you pulled away from the hug, your eyes met

you were very close

close enough

you two looked to the sky, the sunset time taking over

you both needed more, your words were hidden in the silence

he would probably wait for you, because he already said what he missed

so you already knew

“I wonder”, you just let the words come out, “can friends like us kiss?”

hyunjin looked at you

you two were being kissed by the sun

and it felt like that was the perfect time to kiss each other too

“I think we can become more than friends for a moment and come back to just friends, if you want to”

you laughed and he did, too

“because I missed this as much as you”, you said

slowly coming closer

his arms wrapped around you

your hands touching his nape

he tightened his grip

your lips were so close you could feel his breath

you felt his eyes analysing your whole face before staring at your lips

and then you finally kissed

after so long, you thought you would have forgotten its taste, but you didn’t

his kiss was the same, but better

because there was so much between you two

so much love

you wanted him, he wanted you

you both waited so long for this moment and it was finally there

sealed by that kiss

you wrapped your arms around his neck to be closer while his arms also held your back and his hands touched your spine

you didn’t want to let go but the good thing was that he didn’t want too

when you two stopped for a second, you couldn’t help but smile

he kissed your whole face

hugged you again

“I love you, please don’t forget that”, you said inside his hug

he gave you a peck on your lips

his face said it all, he was happy to hear that

“I won’t. but feel free to remind me whenever you want”

88 notes · View notes

nbapprentice · 4 years

Note

You said a while back that while Supergiant games (Bastion, Transistor, Hades) was mostly okay, you had some words about them. I was curious as to what those words were, since Hades' full release is soon.

okay. alright. ive been playing hades lately so i definitely want to give my two cents (or dollars by the size this is gonna get). but let’s go Step by Step

the good: i want to throw a whole Endorsement over supergiant games with the art direction and its characters, which is what keeps me coming back again and again, and what i can assume is that most people are attracted to.

gameplaywise, they have a Format they stick to which has become their staple, not to their detriment but to their advantage, like... gameplay tropes, so to speak, that they stick to (such as the addition of special conditions that give a disadvantage in exchange for more long-term rewards)

i fucking adore that they take one concept per game, go for it, and when they’re done they are Done; they don’t bother with sequels, they don’t want to run things to the ground and i fucking respect that. They have their themes, and they stick to them (to various degrees of success).

that said, like every piece of media, they are not perfect and this has to be analysed and spoken about

CONTENT WARNINGS: genocide and ethnic cleansing, antisemitism, misogyny, homophobia, suicide, and mentions of incest, and a general Spoilers warning

bastion: touches on ethnic cleansing, and not in a way i’d say is satisfactory. our narrator and one of our Sympathetic characters is one of the men who worked on a world-ending weapon meant to use against the Ura (a group of people coded as East Asian) which after a bit of googling is literally called “the final solution” if there was ever a war between the Ura and the Cael (who feel like rly tan white people to me). jesus fucking CHRIST.

we also meet more Ura other than our two named characters and we have to kill most of them. so that fucking blows.

the game tries for “being a genocidal monster will get you fucked up and blown up” which duh, but i feel we shouldn’t have had a person responsible for war crimes be one of our friends no matter how bad he feels about the whole thing, or the people victim of war crimes become villains in the latter half of the game. zia’s father could’ve taken ruck’s role ez pz.

transistor: the weakest of their games, imo; the lore and writing are fairly flimsy and i did not come out feeling Satisfied, especially because it had this rly good build-up that did not pay off. not to mention... their villains? 3/4 were gay people. lol. two married guys (not even explicit, you only realize by their shared last names) and the ps*cho lesbian trope (iirc she wanted to kill the protagonist’s lover or something). the female protagonist also ends up killing herself to live forever in a digital paradise with her dead lover. it’s. god.

very Aesthetic, GORGEOUS music, interesting gameplay; had potential, i do not feel like it lived up to it at least as far as the story goes.

pyre: now this one. this one’s BEEFY. where transistor felt flimsy, pyre is rich; lots to sink your teeth into, rich in lore and loveable characters, again w the beautiful music, themes of cooperation and togetherness. my favorite of the cast is volfred sandalwood, the only Black (or, well, Black-coded) revolutionary i’ve ever seen portrayed with this amount of sympathy.

onto the bad: they literally have a Class of character named “Savage”; there’s the “mystical mentally ill person” trope; there is an overwhelming amount of explicit m/f pairs (one of them being. a romance that formed in a single day and then both of the characters were somehow willing to risk it all for each other? PLEASE) while the only hints of gayness are... hints. especially when Jodariel (another of my favs) is teased to have feelings for the player regardless of gender then only gets an ending with a male character with whom she has nothing in common 🙃

hades: and now. this one. music: gorgeous. character designs: spectacular (aphrodite is straight up naked but it’s so... natural and casual, it doesn’t feel sexualized at all). voice acting amazing. character interactions charming and endearing. as a greek mythology nerd, it was nice to see them go for the obscure shit like Zagreus at all, NOT portray Persephone and Hades as a loving couple, AND portrayed the gods as the bunch of petty assholes (some more benevolent than others) that they are. imo they’re too generous with their portrayal of achilles but i’ll allow it.

and finally... it seems all those criticisms about having all the gay characters hidden in the shadows paid off, cuz we got (aside of patroclus and achilles) a bisexual polyamorous protag. Holy Shit! and it’s not even playersexual, romance whomever you want shit without the routes recognizing each other: he explicitly talks about how he’s thinking abt them both (though it’s like “yeah usually mortals take one lover but gods love many huh” polyamory is a human thing too bro!!!!!)

and this is where it all goes, well, at least vaguely downhill lol. ok so the incest warning i gave up there? well. it’s not... outright incestuous. but it has some ugly implications. i want to emphasize: the characters never refer to each other as siblings, nor do they treat each other as such (thanatos, in fact, only recognizes hypnos as his brother, and megaera only sees the other furies as her sisters), but they were all raised by the same woman, Nyx... zagreus and thanatos even grew up together (im assuming megaera didnt meet zagreus until he was fully grown).

this is complicated even worse by the fact that they tried to trick zagreus into believing Nyx was his mother. he realized pretty early on this was not true but like... adoptive mothers, anyone? granted i can believe that bc of the attempt at deception that probably ruptured any attempt at actual familial closeness, and it’s not like hypnos and thanatos saw zagreus as their brother at any point, so they were p much aware of the truth too. with the fact that thanatos even looks like goth miles edgeworth (im not kidding you can google him up right now its literally edgeworth in a cowl) i rly feel they were aiming for Childhood Friend Anime Rival Man than the “surprise kiss bc ur not actually related <3″ shit. zagreus never once refers to nyx as his mother in-game, and also refers to thanatos and hypnos as her sons, never his brothers.

so yeah, like. if one’s feeling generous, zagreus and thanatos are more of a “my father is emotionally closed off and neglects me so my best friend’s mother basically raised me” kind of situation... just pulled off in, perhaps, the worst way possible (why didnt they just say Zagreus was told Hekate was his mom, that’s such an easy fix? or that he was born of nobody other than Hades??? [gestures at athena])

but then, the gods. aaaaaaaahhhhahahahh the gods. demeter shows up! and she calls zeus, hades and poseidon... her foster-brothers. which somehow would make the persephone thing less fucking awful, apparently. they really. really really did not need to do that. she could’ve just said “my fellow gods” or whatever. or my “god-brothers” or something, to pretend it was just a weird god alliance thing??? i dont know but implying that foster family isn’t family is just... bro, the dynamics still exist.

Don’t Like That.

i even contacted supergiant games over this. they reassured me they were even trying to avoid the incest of the original myths bc they didn’t want to mess with such a heavy theme. i believe them... but i really think they didn’t think this through. compared to something like fire emblem fates this is nearly benign, but the implications don’t look good :/

tl;dr of the tl;drs: i admire their artistic philosophy and the heavy emphasis on fresh gameplay, characters and their relationships; i appreciate that it seems that they listen to criticism?; i don’t appreciate that they didn’t think to at LEAST talk to adoptees when making a game about family.

#Anonymous #asks #mod nba #supergiant #supergiant games #bastion #transistor #hades #pyre

30 notes · View notes

kilyra · 4 years

Text

You Work for Him?

A/N: I’m carrying on with the Eric Northman arc because I love him, and other people are gathering here that love him as well. Yay! So this follows all the other fics. I’m not really doing one long story, but it is all connected one shots I guess?

While you’re unwinding at Merlotte’s Eric shows up to your horror.

Warnings: None. I do have some Swedish between Pam and Eric and I just used Google Translate, so if you know the language and can send me corrections, please do! No spoilers though (I myself am only on S3 or 4, so this is an early Eric style fic…also, please don’t send me any spoilers).

If you want to be on my tag lists, (all or just a character) just let me know! (Credit for this amazing gif goes to @bonniebird. Thank you SO much!)

It was hard not to laugh and spit your drink back into your glass from the look Hoyt shot across the table. “Hey, don't look at me! I don't choose the job sites!”

Glancing between you, a wide, lopsided grin broke across Jason's face before he piled on. “Well, see, you say that, but it's your dispatching what sends us out.”

Chuckling, Hoyt bit half of one of his fries before tossing it back onto his plate and looking up. Truthfully, after such a long, crappy day, you were happy to see them both laughing.

“Well yeah, but I don't control what catastrophes happen that you need to swoop in and fix!”

Grabbing another fry, Hoyt used it to point as he frowned. “An overturned manure truck ain't exactly a catastrophe.”

“Oh come on! It is when it's blocking the heart of downtown.”

“Yeah. All three cars had to go a block over. Almost had to shut down the whole town.” Jason's voice was flat but there was a twinkle in his eye as he kept his laugh in.

“Again...I didn't want to send you guys out to clean up a bunch of cow shit. But it had to be done!” The grin that overtook your lips was so wide your cheeks hurt and you were just a hair away from laughing about it all over again.

And it felt nice.

“You were none too broke up about...” Hoyt jumped in but as you noticed the door to Merlotte's swing open with purpose, his words turned to muffled background noise.

Before you even saw who it was, your heart started beating faster. Although you'd only met her once, you immediately recognized Pam's stiff posture as she stepped in and cast a sightly disgusted glare over the room. Moving to the side and pausing, she made space for the person following. Your blood ran cold as you threw up a prayer that this was a dream. That you had just spontaneously passed out at your table and none of this was real. But the slow hush that crawled over the bar made it all too real.

Eric Northman.

Unlike Pam, he didn't waste time scanning over the room. Turning your direction, his eyes fell directly on you, as though he knew exactly where you'd be sitting. Your heart sank.

Eventually, Hoyt realized you had stopped listening, and both he and Jason turned to follow your stare. His eyebrows furrowed together in a quiet mark of confusion as he peered over the back of the booth, but Jason's forehead smoothed as his face dropped.

Eric stayed zeroed in on you as he and Pam strode toward your table. A feeling of dread grew with every, unhurried step. There wasn't a single soul that you had mentioned any of your Eric-related moments to and sweat started on your palm at the thought of anything happening so publicly.

How could anyone understand? You didn't even understand...

As he arrived, Jason's mouth hung open. “M-Mr. Northman...”

Pausing, Eric seemed to notice Jason for the first time as he eyebrow arched high. You knew Eric was giving him the only chance he'd give for Jason to finish his thought, but your friend fell quiet. Amusement lit Pam's eyes as her gaze darted between Jason and her maker. A small curl tugged at the corner of her mouth, but she stayed quiet.

You couldn't watch the panic grow on Jason's face for long before you stepped in. “Eric? What...are you doing here?”

Jason swallowed as he turned towards you wide-eyed. Hoyt's eyebrows furrowed deeper.

With a long blink, Eric turned his focus back on you before an unnatural smile snaked over his lips. You weren't sure if his attempt to look friendly was sincere, or if he was trying to make you uncomfortable. “I'm here to talk to you, sweetheart.”

Although the entire bar had fallen silent – staff and patrons alike – everything felt loud. It was almost hard to hear Eric over the rushing in your ears and people's stares felt like they were noisy somehow. Even Sam Merlotte stood motionless by the bar, his bar towel hanging from his balled fist.

Your eyes narrowed like that could block everything out and let you think. “W-what?”

“But not here,” he finished simply as his eyes bore into yours. Clearly uninterested in explaining himself, his stare intensified and your cheeks suddenly felt like they were on fire. Between his scrutiny and the attention of everyone in Merlotte's, you just wanted to crawl under the table and take a breath.

And yet, through all of that, your mind raced. What the hell could be so important?

The room stayed frozen until Eric leaned your direction. It may have been to whisper in your ear or grab your arm, but the sudden flurry of motion around him stopped whatever he was about to do.

On his feet, but still in the booth, Jason was already reaching across the table towards you as if he could magically shove himself between you and Eric. “Whoa, hold up there a minute.”

“Hush up, hot stuff. Grown-ups are talking." Taking a smooth step to the side, Pam moved against the edge of the booth, completely blocking in Jason. Her stance was relaxed, lightly leaning her knee along the seat, but she was completely immovable.

Trapped but still half-standing, Jason's hands clenched tightly as he shot Pam an unnoticed glare. Frustration, confusion, and anger swirled over his features in a quiet dance of emotion as both vampires ignored him.

Meanwhile, Hoyt shuffled next to him, hauling up short when he realized Jason wasn't moving. But, the tension that rippled up his arm proved he was ready to spring into action as soon as shit went down. Swallowing heavily, his eyes trailed back over to you as though he were trying to decide how bad the situation was.

Guilt surged across your chest at how willing they were to help even when they had no idea what was going on.

Pam grinned, her amusement clear as Eric quickly swept a sidelong gaze at the pair. His eyebrows raised as he let out a soft huff through his nose. Looking back at you, the good humour slowly drained from his expression as he nodded towards the door.

Under the table, your knees had turned to jelly. You weren't trying to make it all worse, but the sheer panic of being outed was running its way through your body. Slowly, your lips parted and you softly gasped for air. It was stale in your mouth.

And then Sam was suddenly there. His back visibly bristled as he pushed himself between you and Eric with his hands spread apart. The bar rag still hung from his fingers as he held his palms out. “Whoa...hey...what's uh...what's going on here?”

Not backing up, Eric loomed over the shorter man. His expression remained dispassionate, but there was a harder edge to his tone. “It's none of your concern.”

Squeezing his eyes closed in a pronounced blink, Sam relaxed his hands slightly. The one in front of you, however, remained protectively outstretched. "Well, actually, I get entirely concerned every time you step foot in my bar.”

Tilting his head, Eric cocked his eyebrow and loosely gestured to the rest of the room. “Do you not welcome all patrons here?”

Following his hand, you realized everyone was still staring. Some people dropped their gaze when you caught it but you weren't sure if it was from shame or fear. The one table that matched your look with an open glare was a group of muscle-bound, younger men with short sleeves and suspiciously-clean trucker hats. Quickly, you looked away.

“I do. Right up until they start causing shit. Which, with you, seems to happen almost immediately." The slight shake to the edges of Sam's shaggy hair was the only giveaway that he was full of adrenaline. As he stood toe to toe with the vampire, using a firm but exhausted tone, nothing else hinted that he recognized the danger he was putting himself in.

It was Eric that finally broke the staredown with a faint smile briefly ghosting his lips. The cold look of disinterest he shot Sam seemed to find a heated spark as he put his focus on you. "As entertaining as this is, I don't have time for these games. We need to leave."

Your heart pounded as he fell quiet. Something was wrong. If nothing else, you needed to tell your friends to stand down, but the words were trapped in your throat. Trying to swallow back the lump of sand in your mouth did nothing.

Not being deterred, Sam leaned towards the table, momentarily blocking your view of Eric. “Doesn't look to me like she wants to go anywhere with you.”

“I don't care,” a slight growl entered Eric's tone, betraying his passive features.

Violently, your stomach started to lurch. It was getting hard to see.

“She's...”

Please don't.

“My...”

DON'T

Adrenaline burst through you so fast, you were instantly shaking as you silently screamed for him to stop. The panic was so thorough that it took a moment to realize he had paused.

Risking a glance, you found his expression had grown stony as he captured your eyes.

He could feel your fear.

Lowering his chin, he continued to hold your stare as he finished flatly. “Associate.”

“She's your...?” Sam stopped as he turned to you. His deeply furrowed brow creased even deeper as he blinked at you. “You're his what?”

Associate?

“Uh..." It was all you could get out. Reaching for your drink, you stopped short of trying to lift it to your lips when you saw the tremble in your hands.

Watching you closely, Eric's tone was gentler as he nodded to the table. "Do you always have trouble with glasses, or is it just when I'm around?"

A twitch in the corner of his mouth was all the smile he offered. That, with the sudden softness in his tone, felt like a kick to the gut. Did you actually hurt his feelings?

“You...work for him?” Jason's voice grew higher as he struggled to understand. Frowning at you, he was rooted to his seat, no longer trying to push past Pam. Hoyt stayed quiet as his gaze shifted between you and Eric.

“N-no. I don't. I just...we..." The words trailed off into silence, your mind going blank. How could you explain it? He called you his once but...what did that even mean?

Eric turned his head towards Jason so slowly that you weren't even sure he had heard him at all. The colour drained from Jason's face while the vampire's eyes flickered over him before doing the same to Hoyt. His face did nothing to reveal whatever assessment he made about the tense pair.

Without acknowledging that you even spoke, he smoothly replied. "No. But there is an issue at Fangtasia that requires her attention."

With all the intensity of a confused puppy, Jason looked over at you. “But...she works for the town of Bon Temps, not Shreveport?”

Scoffing loudly, Pam rolled her eyes and shot a pointed look at Eric. His lips pursed together in a tight line in reply.

“I can't argue with that. You keep smart company, Y/n,” he finally replied as he took a step back from the table and nodded towards the door.

“What?” Pam finally broke her silence as her eyebrows shot up in equal parts irritation and surprise.

“More trouble isn't going to help anything.” Eric had dropped his voice, but you picked it up all the same.

Trouble? Although your adrenaline hadn't slowed, your heart pounded even harder. Clutching your hands tightly in your lap, your knuckles turned white.

“Jag trodde att vi var tvungna att få-”

“Vi ska. Senare.” Eric snapped.

Swallowing back whatever she was about to say, Pam clenched her jaw as she stepped away from the booth. Jason didn't make a move to get up, even once he was free.

Moving back from Sam, Eric shot you one more quiet look before Pam flanked him. It twisted the knots in your stomach and if it wasn't for all the eyes on you, cementing you to the spot, you would have dashed after him.

Not sparing another look back, the pair left Merlotte's.

Leaning forward, Jason tilted his head. “Is he why you wanted me to train you?”

Fighting past a layer of stunned numbness, you managed to shake your head. But it wasn't exactly convincing. “N-no...”

Still not convincing.

A firm hand on your arm pulled you out of your shock a little further as you looked up and saw Sam pouring all his concern through his soft blue eyes. When he spoke, there was a surprising gentleness there. “Are you okay?”

Reaching up, you set your hand over his, offering what you hoped was a reassuring squeeze. "Yeah...thank you, Sam."

With a noticeable blink, he nodded before patting your shoulder. As he returned to his place by the bar, he waved his hand dismissively. “Alright, show's over folks. Get back to drinking those looks off your faces.”

You didn't notice it, but the table of trucker hats didn't stop eyeing you.

Still grasping at every attempt to understand what happened, Jason's voice brought you back. “But, how do you even know Mr. Northman?”

Pressing your fingers to your temple, you would have laughed if you weren't so unsettled.

“You...you really don't talk to your sister much, do you?”

Swedish translations according to Google 1) I thought we had to get- 2) We will. Later.

Taglist: @foreverfaeries @flower-two @getlostinyourparadise @selfishkiddo @angelicshinigami @parkersbabey @thatchampagnebitch @mysteryoflovve @edweirdoddlepot @divadinag @crazy-fandom-girl1 @givemeabite @breanime @shondlenoodle @hermionesalvatore84 @dyingformyships @divadinag @dreamers-wonderland @adriellej @bitchader

#eric northman x reader #eric northman #true blood #eric x reader #jason stackhouse

303 notes · View notes

unpretentiousblogging · 4 years

Text

My first suicide note

Don’t worry, this isn’t THE note, merely me reminiscing about what WAS my first note. And anyway, starting my actual suicide note with ‘first’ would be extremely stupid and already declaring defeat...which is ironic, since, you know, suicide is declaring defeat from life in general.

Oh god. I do this a lot. Use poor humour to deflect from my obviously concerning thoughts. But anyway, it’s fine.Back to topic. (side note; there was no humour in my first suicide note. Hmm. Maybe I should incorporate that in the next one...joke. Maybe.Hopefully. Idk)

Anyway, first suicide note. Ah yes. I was fifteen.It was..2014? I don’t really remember much of it or the details surrounding that year. Just that it was angry and sad and vengeful and full of so much...hurt.Against everyone.My friends.My enemies. My mother.

Ah. My mother. A recurring character in every suicide note I’ve ever written. It’s not her fault. She is not per say a bad person. But more on that later. This isn’t about her. This is about my suicide note and how it ended up being the first one.

A lot had been leading up to it. I should probably avoid saying the work depressed since I wasn't clinically diagnosed, but a bitch isn’t dumb. Or I mean, she is. But not in this case. You know when you spend the better part of two months not talking to anyone and experience the crushing pressure of this giant, pressing hollowness gnawing-ness that stays there no matter what you do, that THAT isn’t normal. Or at least, it wasn’t to me.

Tbh, I don’t understand much of it. That feeling. What caused it. Why it became such a significant part of my being. I was just in a negative head space. I had suddenly become hyper aware of the farce in everyone’s interaction with me. I detested that I couldn’t study what I wanted to. I had just...a lot going on.

And also, truthfully, I think I had been using too much Tumblr. I would see this constant downpour of emaciated, beautiful girls talking about sadness as skinny white boys with cigarettes dangling from the corner of their mouths would tenderly hold them and I guess I internalised that this was what it took to be loved and also all that life had to offer.

Love. What a funny thing I chase after.So uninterested but also so extremely curious. Sigh.

Also, funny how the very platform that propelled me into the state I was then, is what I have chosen to come back to while meandering somewhere similar to that state. Not really funny,but what did I say..force of habbit.

Anyway, back to story. I was sad.Really sad. And angry. And the final straw was the fight with my mom. I don’t remember what it was about. Not important. Just that I realised that I didn’t want my life anymore. Any life for that matter.

So, how does a 15 year old, kill herself? Or well, try to. Because, suuurprise. It obviously didn’t work. I didn’t die. (yet) Or I wouldn’t be ‘’killing time’’ (haha) by writing this.

Well,didn’t own a gun.not smart enough to figure out how strangulation worked.House not tall enough for free falling from roof to cause desired effect. Too much of a wimp to cut veins.

The only other logical explanation was to ingest some poison. Painless. Bound to achieve results without risking grotesquely convulsing my appearance in the way that free falling or burning would do should the fail to work.

Now, we didn’t have any poison lying around the house but I remember how popularised the video of the Amanda Todd suicide was and how she mentioned drinking bleach to kill herself. So, my manic self rushed to the bathroom in search for my poison.

Unfortunately, I could find no bleach. So,I reached out for the next best thing. This anti acne product I had bought from Shams recently. It was pretty expensive and barely used but since I was going to die anyway,what was the point of me being careful with this overpriced bottle of skin care.

Yes, I decided to die by gulping down a bottle of a beautification product for my skin. Not only is that highly improbable but I think about it and snicker at the fact that is basically a twist on the whole ‘eat makeup to become prettier on the inside’ joke. I was basically annihilating all the blemishes on my inside by ingesting that bottle of toner. Pretty funny, if you think about it. Or just me?

To be fair, at the time, I didn’t think it was. I legitimately thought I was going to die.With my eyes sputtering out a tsunami of tears,I guzzled the colourless liquid from the transparent bottle and drank till there was only around 20 percent left.

The whole thing rushing down my windpipe in one giant gulp. The second I was done with this I started freaking out. My throat burned and I felt this warm, icky wave of nausea steadily creep up on me.

You see, I stupidly didn’t wager that it would take so long.My juvenile brain had been expecting the job to be done quick and painlessly. This was neither and now my paranoid brain started whizzing like an unstoppable slot machine. I started panicking, remembering this post I had read online by this guy who recounted how his failed attempt at ingesting pills for suicide resulted in a highly painful stomach pumping experience and a life time of painful and uncomfortable digestion. I wasn’t prepared for that.I couldn’t not die and also end up with more issues on top of the ones I already did.

In a mad rush against time, I scrambled to get my phone and performed a quick Google search-what to do if you eat poison. The most frequently suggestions were to call poison control and to induce vomiting. Since, I couldn't really do the first one, I made way to the toilet and thankfully to my minor stint with bulimia (and they said eating disorders aren’t useful, pfft) , I knew exactly how to do the latter. Quickly, I shoved my fingers down my throat and attempted to force my alimentary canal to defy gravity. I alternated between this and ramming my toothbrush down my mouth and lo and behold, spurts of translucent chemical gush forth from my mouth like a faulty tap.

At this point, I had progressed to full blown sobbing. I wasn’t able to successfully eliminate all the toxic liquid from my body and the purge had just resulted with me hiccuping incessantly and my stomach gurgling uncontrollably. Also, my mouth had a horrible aftertaste. Overall, I felt repulsive and sick and also glaringly aware of my soon to be (in my head) death.

In my misery studded mind, I made peace with my fate and decided that were I to to die, I had to make sure I hurt everyone who ever hurt me just as much as. I wanted them to feel guilty. Afterall, my death couldn’t just end with a bunch of people feeling sorry for me and the people who had done me wrong to not experience any of the anguish I had. So, I put pen to paper and began to scribble on an old English paper-my first suicide letter.

At the time, I didn’t know it was to be my first, of course. I thought it was my one and only. I dedicated this atrocious piece of writing to virtually everyone who meant anything to me in my life. Ex best friend? Obviously mentioned. Brother? Definitely to blame. Friend who cared but not enough? Special shout out.

But the star of the show, the main dedication of the bitterness fuelled literary rampage was one person-my lovely mother. Like I said, not a bad person. But just not compatible with me, to put it nicely. Anyway, the body of this letter revolved around her and how all the events of my interactions with her had materialised into this blame. If any one was to be guilt ridden after this entire ordeal, I wanted to make sure that it was her.

Everyone else got a few sentences or a paragraph, but my mom, well she got pages and pages of my teen angst and venom against her. In fact, the opening of this abysmal note started off with something like, ‘’In case I don’t wake up tomorrow’’ (I wasn’t sure how effective the ‘’poison’’ would be. In hindsight, not at all), ‘’ you (mother) should know that YOU are to blame for all of this’’.

Pretty dramatic, am I right? Anyway, I don’t really remember more of what happened in the note, but basically, you get the idea of how it went, ok?

So, yeah, after penning that intense piece of literature, I willed myself to go to sleep and hopefully die painlessly in my slumber. Or not. I wasn’t sure at this point whether I wanted to survive or not. Probably the most anxious sleep I was getting. After all, I didn’t know whether I was going to wake up the next morning or not.

Spoiler alert: I did. With relief.

And I tore up the note immediately. I think my mother had already read some of it but I am not sure if I remember entirely. I recall sitting in the car with her as she drove and a passing mention was made of it and all I said was that I had written a story in my notebook. And that was it. Did she believe me? Or did she simply not care enough? Or maybe her brain could not even begin to register that I was capable of performing such an abominable task. I don’t know. I wonder though, if she ever stays up at night wondering about what it meant. What any of it was.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even remember. I do.

And that, brings to a complete, the pointless rambling of me and my first suicide note.

good bye.

(we’ve reached the end. im not gonna go kill myself...right now. lol. maybe/ ok bye)

#suicide #death #ramblings

1 note · View note

onceuponmystory · 4 years

Text

I Have Finally Found Peace With The Rise of Skywalker

And it's all thanks to my crazy, wonderful, just-as-obsessed-with-Star-Wars-as-I-am best friends.

But before I tell you how we did it, I have to give you guys two rather important warnings concerning this post.

First and foremost, please beware that there will be MAJOR SPOILERS for The Rise of Skywalker in this post. If you haven't seen the movie, proceed at your own risk, and don't say I didn't warn you.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, this post is quite critical of the movie. I examine in detail everything I thought was bad about The Rise of Skywalker, and give my opinion on how it could have been done better.

But that doesn't mean this is a negative post - in fact, I hope to achieve quite the opposite. With the help of my friends, I realised that the best way to make your peace with The Rise of Skywalker is to talk through it and play Teacher With A Red Pen on the parts you didn't like.

I have to warn you that I tend to get a little carried away playing Teacher With A Red Pen. There's just so much to say about this movie... But if you're up to reading an insanely long post, I really think it'll be worth your while.

Now, since this is a free era, we are all entitled to our own opinions, and this is mine. You are perfectly welcome to disagree with me, just please do it politely. And with that out of the way, let's jump right in, shall we?

First Things First: Ben Solo's Death

I think one of the biggest WHY??? moments in the entire movie was Ben Solo's sacrifice and death. I'll say it now - I hated that twist, absolutely hated it. And not just because I'm a huge fan of Reylo, either.

To start, it's predictable, the exact mirror of the Darth Vader sacrifice/death scene from Return of the Jedi. And while it worked for Darth Vader, doing it again with Ben was not only cliché and repetitive, but also a slap in the face to the character.

Because Ben Solo deserved better. He really, really did.

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo was from the start a very conflicted character - the son of two of the galaxy's greatest heroes, and the nephew of the last Jedi, manipulated from birth by Emperor Palpatine. Yes, he did terrible things, but he also had terrible things done to him. At the very least, he deserved the chance to atone for some of those terrible things.

While we're talking about slaps in the face, Ben dying made the deaths of Han, Luke and Leia mean so much less. All three of those people gave their lives so that their son (nephew, in Luke's case) would turn back to the light. Especially Leia - she literally used the last of her energy to reach out to her son and turn him back. Killing Ben off makes her sacrifice almost meaningless - didn't she die so he would be able to live a better life?

And my last point about the Massive Unfairness of Ben's Death has to do with Rey. She and Ben love each other, don't they? They are literally described as "two of us who are one" - which is about as close as we're going to get to soulmates in Star Wars. With Ben's death, Rey lost half of who she is - not to mention the man she loved.

George Lucas once said, and I quote, that "I have always hated that in movies, when you go along and one of the main characters gets killed. This is a fairytale. You want everybody to live happily ever after and nothing bad happens to anybody."

So yes, maybe it's not the most perfect of arguments, but this is Star Wars. And after all these years of love and admiration, we all deserve that happy ending.

And While We're At It: Ben Deserved A Proper Redemption Arc

I know I've just spent a long time ranting about why Ben deserved better, but I'm not quite done yet. Because yes, Ben absolutely deserved better - and most of all, he deserved a proper redemption.

Now, I don't know how many of you have seen Avatar The Last Airbender, but that show contains a prime example of a really good redemption arc. It's not simple, and it's not at all easy, but it's worth it.

In ATLA, Fire Prince Zuko starts off as the villain of the series, but ends up seeing that the way he was raised was wrong. He decides to make amends by joining his former enemy, Avatar Aang, and helping him save the world.

But what makes it really good is that it's not easy for Zuko. He struggles, he genuinely does, and he has to really work to earn the trust of the people who used to be his enemies. And time-consuming and difficult as it was, it ultimately ended up being worth it a thousand times over.

That, my friends, is a redemption arc. It takes time, and work, and real atonement. More than anything, I wanted to see that for Ben. I wanted him to struggle, and be distrusted, and hate himself, because that is the only way he can really redeem himself - by rising above all that and saying, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, and I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me, because I really want to change."

Death is taking the easy way out - in fact, it's lazy writing. Ben didn't have to die - his whole story, which is already so defined by struggle and conflict, would have been far more meaningful if he had had a final struggle, this time to prove that he really had changed.

Unfortunately, the writers chose to take the cliché easy way out, killing off the character instead of giving him a much deeper, more meaningful ending.

If there was one thing - just one thing - I could change about The Rise of Skywalker, it would be that. I would give Ben the chance to properly redeem himself, because he really, truly deserves it.

Moving On: Rose Tico

With the Ben arc out of the way, I can move on to the next biggest issue I had with The Rise of Skywalker - and that's the horrible sidelining of one of my favourite characters from The Last Jedi, Rose Tico.

Now, I get that not everyone liked Rose's character - and that's fine. But there was no reason - none at all - for basically removing Rose, who played quite a significant role in The Last Jedi, from the new movie. Additionally, given all the racist and sexist harassment that Kelly Marie Tran suffered at the hands of malcontent fans, cutting Rose from the film almost seems like caving to those trolls.

And that is not acceptable. If you let a bully have his way, stopping him becomes near impossible. So even if it was just to show the trolls that bullying will not get you what you want, Rose Tico deserved a bigger role.

What bigger role, you may ask? Many people have said, and I grudgingly agree, that there wasn't really space for Rose to go along on the whole wayfinder quest. All right, fine. But sidelining her completely is not the right course of action. If you can't take her along on the main quest, then give her a significant sub-plot, for example joining Lando to call for aid for the Resistance.

Remember, Rose Tico was the person who turned Finn from an ex-stormtrooper more than ready to desert the Resistance into a loyal fighter for the cause he believes in - to such an extent that he was willing to sacrifice his own life for the survival of the Resistance. If there's anyone who could give the galaxy enough hope again to send help to the Resistance, it's Rose Tico.

Oh, and some more Finnrose would have been nice. You don't have to agree with me - I know many of you don't - but you have to admit that Finn and Rose definitely had some sort of a bond forged in The Last Jedi, even if it was just a platonic one. Basically ignoring that like they did in The Rise of Skywalker is just bad writing.

So I'm not saying that Rose needed to be the main star of the show - that would have been unrealistic, after all. But I do think, and I will stand by this opinion no matter what, that Rose deserved a lot better than what she got.

And On That Track: Jannah Was An Unnecessary Character

Don't get me wrong, I love Naomi Ackie, and I appreciate that Star Wars is trying to incorporate a more diverse cast. But despite it all, I just couldn't bring myself to like Jannah's character, or see why she was actually necessary.

See, if you take out Jannah, nothing much changes. Yes, it was nice for Finn to have someone to talk and relate to, but it wasn't necessary. We already know that Finn was a stormtrooper, just like we already know he left it behind him.

Also, Finn already had a female character he had a significant bond to - none other than Rose Tico from my previous rant. Why force in an all-new potential love interest at the last minute when you already have one with far more development? Not only could Rose have conceivably replaced Jannah in pretty much every scene, she also has a lot more development and history with Finn than Jannah does, which would have made their interactions that much more meaningful.

And as for the attack on Pryde's Destroyer with the Orbaks (and no, I didn't know that's what those cow things were called, either, until I Googled it a few seconds ago) - that was a nice touch, but there's a simple way it could have been much better. Instead of introducing an all-new character and cow things with a name no-one knew unless they looked it up on Wookieepedia, bring back the fathiers from Canto Bight and that little Force-sensitive kid with the broom from The Last Jedi.

At this point, some of you may be wondering why I'm not attacking Zorii Bliss as well - isn't she also a brand-new character with very little real development? The answer to that is yes, she is, but she gives Poe Dameron some much-needed backstory. If you cut Zorii, Poe has no significant backstory, which means that she was actually important to the plot. (Also, Keri Russell is awesome, and has stunning eyes. Enough said.)

So I'm sorry, Naomi Ackie, but I really wish that Jannah <i>wasn't</i> in The Rise of Skywalker. She's just there for too short to have any real development, and I'd rather use the time I gain from cutting her to focus on Rose and the actual plot.

While I'm Talking About The Plot: What On Earth Happened? Is Star Wars A Video Game, Now?

Ah, yes. Another big issue with The Rise of Skywalker is its rather disappointing lack of actual plot.

I'm sure some of you are frowning quite heavily at me right now, so let me backtrack a little and explain.

Upon first watching, The Rise of Skywalker seems like quite a good movie, really. (Except the ending, of course - but We Do Not Talk About The Ending.) It's only when you re-watch the movie that you realise that there is, in fact, very little really significant plot there.

To put it simply, a large part of the movie is a group of characters going to a Place to find a Thing that will help them find another Thing that will take them to another Place where they will save the world. Does this sound like a video game to anyone?

The thing with this kind of plot is that it works well the first time, when you don't know what's going to happen, and when the lack of plot can be hidden by dramatic explosions and cool fight scenes. Oh, and flying stormtroopers.

This is Star Wars, so there just has to be some explosions, as well as a quest of some kind. I don't deny that. But when said quest and explosions fill the story to such a degree that they become the plot, you're in cinematic trouble.

This is pretty much proven when you re-watch The Rise of Skywalker. Where the heroic quest and explosions and jetpack-sporting stormtroopers had you at the edge of your seat last time, now that you know what's coming, you start to see that very little actually happens in these scenes. Sure, they look cool, but they don't really affect the overall movement of the story in a significant way.

And that's a problem, given that most of the movie consists of scenes like these, or exposition. There are precious few scenes in which two or more characters have meaningful development in a way that will continue to affect them and the plot. This, unfortunately, means that the movie falls flat a bit when you watch it for the second time.

How would I change this?

Well, for starters, I would focus less on the actual hunt for the dagger and the wayfinder and whatever and more on the characters. How do they feel? Why do they feel it? And most importantly, how does this affect what happens to the rest of the characters and the plot?

Also, like I said before, more attention has to be given to a) Ben's redemption and b) an interesting sub-plot for Rose. And you know what? The lightsaber fight scenes could have been a lot cooler, as well.

Some More Complaining About The Plot: This Time, It's Plot Holes

Where to start, where to start. All movies have a plot hole of some kind, it's only natural, but The Rise of Skywalker is simply riddled with them.

Of course, this can be attributed to the lack of plot as explained in the previous rant. Since there is so little time spent actually developing the plot, it just stands to reason that said plot isn't the most watertight.

It's sort of spectacular, though, how quickly the first plot hole pops up. It must be just five minutes into the script - you guessed it, on Exegol.

Not only was the Emperor's resurrection never properly explained, but we also have about a thousand creepy Sith guys who are just suddenly there when needed for plot purposes. Who are they? Where did they come from? How did we not know about them before?

The Rise of Skywalker doesn't even try to answer any of these questions. It just gets glossed over in a classic example of How To Write A Glaring Plot Hole.

And while we're talking about Palpatine, let's take a look at his lackey-in-chief, Allegiant General Pryde, who oh-so-dramatically declares that he serves Palpatine "as I served you in the old wars."

Wait a minute. The old wars? As in the Return of the Jedi wars? Well then why on earth haven't we heard of Pryde before?

Sure, maybe he wasn't a major enough character to show in the original trilogy. But if he was such a faithful servant of Palpatine's, shouldn't he at least have made some kind of cameo in The Last Jedi or The Force Awakens? That would also have been some nice foreshadowing for the Emperor's return.

Also, when and how did Rey fix Anakin's lightsaber? As I recall, at the end of The Last Jedi, it snapped in half. But when we skip to Rey in The Rise of Skywalker, it's perfectly whole again, with not a hint of explanation on the horizon.

Yes, maybe this isn't the biggest plot hole, but it's annoying. At least just have someone mention in passing "Oh well done Rey, you finished fixing the lightsaber" so it's not quite so out of the blue.

And there's more. When Rey and Kylo have their big fight on Kef Bir, Rey quite clearly takes Kylo's TIE fighter. Since the Falcon most definitely did not stop by for him, how did Ben get off Kef Bir?

This is never explained. He just pitches up on Exegol, and immediately starts fighting the Knights of Ren so you forget about wondering how he got there in the first place.

Can I just say the Knights of Ren were a disappointment? I was hoping for a lot more... anything, actually. They did pretty much nothing except look menacing for the entirety of the movie, unless you count getting thoroughly beaten by Ben on Exegol.

I've probably missed another plot hole or seven, but I think I've had enough for the moment. You can only pull faces for so long, after all. I'm moving on.

Last Thing: Too Much Fan Service

Picking up from where I left off - bad plot - I'll start by breaking a few hearts and saying that I thought Chewie should have died.

Wait, wait, don't run away screaming "Traitor!" like that! Dead Chewie would have been absolutely heart-breaking, I know, but it would have made for a really good plot point.

Rey thought she killed Chewie, and that quite understandably broke her heart. But then she finds out, oh no, wait, he's actually alive, there was another transport in the desert, ha ha, don't worry, fans.

While that satisfies fans, looking at it critically, it would have been better to really kill Chewie. Very sad, yes, but better.

Let me explain. If Rey killed Chewie, really killed him, she would have been devastated. Being Rey, she probably would have isolated herself so she wouldn't accidentally hurt anyone else. She would have grieved, and her friends would have had to really work to comfort her and get her to trust herself again. This experience would have left Rey that much sadder and wiser, but stronger because of it.

This can be summed up quite simply: sad moments make the happy moments mean that much more.

But unfortunately for Rey's character development, Chewie is not really dead. The fans might be happy that they didn't lose a beloved character, but what they don't realise is that they lost a significant character progression instead.

And, sadly, this is not the only spot where the movie indulges its fans rather than a deeper plot.

For example, Rey buries Luke and Leia's lightsabers on Tattooine, and we fans get a warm tingly feeling in our stomachs because yay, we've come full circle.

But have we?

Tattooine holds nothing but bad memories for the Skywalker twins - Luke spent his entire life trying to get off the planet, and that homestead holds only bad memories for him. Easy as it is to forget, the last time Luke saw that homestead was when his aunt and uncle had been brutally murdered there. I somehow can't imagine that's where he would want his lightsaber buried - that's the equivalent of burying Harry Potter's wand at Number Four Privet Drive, for crying out loud.

The same can be said for Leia. Her one experience of Tattooine was the infamous gold bikini scene with Jabba the Hutt - totally the place where she'd want to have her lightsaber, her legacy, buried, hmm?

My conclusion is that the "hopeful and uplifting" Tattooine ending scene is really only that way if you don't think too hard about it. Pure fan service, in other words.

Which is sad, if you consider the ending we could have had. We could have had Rey burying the lightsabers on Naboo, because that's where her grandfather came from, to symbolise that she really was leaving the past behind.

And if you have to be fan service-y, at least do it in the right way. Give Rey and Ben their happy ending, because as George Lucas puts it, having the boy and the girl walk into the sunset hand-in-hand adds ten million to the box office. (And a sunset across Naboo's seas would look very pretty, wouldn't it?)

In Conclusion: TROS Being So Bad Is Actually A Good Thing, Because Now We Get To Fix It The Way We Want

Take a moment to consider that. If The Rise of Skywalker was so bad that we no longer consider it canon, well, that means we can invent our own canon, doesn't it?

This is how I made my peace with The Rise of Skywalker - by accepting that the movie Disney gave us needed some severe changes, and applying them in my head. You won't believe how much better I feel now that I have "my" version of The Rise of Skywalker accepted as canon in my head.

That's my message to you all: if TROS has upset you as much as it did me, don't try to deny it to yourself. Gather a group of good friends around you and have a The Rise of Skywalker fix-it session, and talk it out until you've made the movie into what you want to see.

We are the fans, my friends, and we deserve the movie that we want to see. So get out there and make it for yourselves!

1 note · View note

noelclover · 5 years

Text

Recovering from commission cycle wherein I sleep very unusual hours, I decided to hibernate and play FE3H while yukkuri-ing. Wanted to talk about Edelgard, specifically based off of her route because I finished it, so spoilers are liberally sprinkled. Game’s story is somewhat competently written. Was somewhat sleepy playing through it though.

Screenshots, if any, are taken off Google so quality may vary. Thanks to everyone who’s screenshot I take off of Google.

So there’s been talk that’s basically along the lines of “the game tried to make Edelgard look good”. I personally think that that’s a load of crock. I mean look at this:

That’s in her own route, you know, the path where she’s the protagonist.

She’s actually pretty well written as a character that completely buys into the concept of “the ends justify the means”, being willing to work with the very shady group that is Those Who Slither In The Dark, start a war that spread over the continent and kill her former school mates to end the influence of the church and the crests over Fódlan,

She isn’t a good person, she lacks flexibility, she doesn’t necessarily think ahead and she embraces her convictions to a fault. While, sadly, the game doesn’t flat out call her out on this, mostly because things worked out in her favour in her route (it kinda helps that Byleth is there), I felt that the game didn’t go out of it’s way to tell us that she was good or justify her actions (explaining the idea behind something doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with it) and allowed the player to think about her for themselves.

Now, one rather fair criticism:

She could have avoided the war if she talked to someone about things. This is absolutely true. Even Rhea didn’t quite like how the Crest system which she perpetuated turned out. The issue however, is that she had no reason to talk to anyone about anything:

Edelgard couldn’t talk to Rhea about Crests and Those Who Slither In The Dark because she had no reason to trust Rhea. She mentions the story of Nemesis is passed down from Emperor to Emperor, a hidden story forgotten by history that Rhea wanted hidden, which highlighted the true nature of Rhea but also portrayed the whole issue as “Dragon-Pope wanted to control Humanity”. This, along with her dislike for the Crests because to some degree they determined the standing of a person, pushed her away from confiding in Rhea about Those Who Slither In The Dark and possible reformations involving the Crests.

Of course, she could have talked to Dimitri and Claude about it, but then again she didn’t know the stances they had regarding the church, and given that her perception of Rhea was that the Dragon-Pope wanted to be a shadow dictator deciding Fódlan's fate, she probably considered the possibility of leaks was most likely considered so high-risk it was off the table. And there was also probably the likely scenario that Those Who Slither In The Dark were watching her, so she may have had her hands tied there.

Finally, Edelgard feels like a kid who thinks they have it all figured out when it truth all they have is a single perspective and a small glimpse at the overall “truth”. She has is a goal and some vague idea of how she’d get there without consideration for... well, everything else really, as shown with her A rank support with Ferdinand (which went along the lines of: “yeah sure, get rid of the nobility, but then what? They fill a role and you’re not replacing it with anything so..”. Though it was written in a more positive manner, it showed that she didn’t really have it all figured out), which is something I find highly realistic. People often look at problems, figure out the end goal but never the way to get there, which is often the big issue and where the dispute actually lies.

The lack of maturity and foresight is realistic especially for a character her age ((I know older people who don’t ask the question “how” or consider how said “how” could affect other things.)) and her hypocrisy, like the above image, is shown for all to see, and while it’s neither praised nor condemned outright we get to see that she’s a very, very flawed being.

It felt like the writers respected the player enough that they figured “well, we’ll just show them this and they’ll judge her character for themselves.”

Of course, this flaw could have been highlighted further if we got to see her governing or attempting to govern her country, but that would be Civilization, not Fire Emblem, so we miss out on that.

Overall, the more I think about Edelgard, the more I think of a tremendously flawed character who is really, really lucky she has Ferdinand by her side to guide, question and argue with her because Sothis only knows the girl needs it.

((Some parts of the Crimson Moon felt really off though not gonna lie. Like Byleth choosing Edelgard’s side and not, oh, I don’t know, looking remotely pissed after about Edelgard being the Flame Emperor and all that.

Also it felt like a Scooby Doo moment when she left before the mission where one encounters the Death Knight for the first time and she pops in as the Flame Emperor near the end. Oh wow, a character who uses the axe, appears only when Edelgard isn’t around while she in turn only ever appears when they’re not? I wonder who the Flame Emperor could be?))

#don't mind me #fe3h

4 notes · View notes

comp6841 · 5 years

Text

Lectures - Week 8

Exam Movie & Accident

The movie ‘The China Syndrome’ is going to be needed for one of the questions in the final exam. It’s going to be shown in the security theatre in week 9, but my memory isn’t that great so I might have to get it from elsewhere closer to the actual exam date. Without going into spoilers, it basically involves a cameraman and a reporter who witness a SCRAM event in a nuclear power plant in California. They manage to initiate the emergency shutdown procedure to prevent a catastrophe, but the plant manager still suspects it isn’t safe and wants to bring it to the attention of the public.

There also is going to be a generic question on either: Chernobyl, Bhopal or Challenger. I know Chernobyl pretty well as I’ve watched a heap of documentaries on it and similarly with Challenger, except with a more detailed writeup on my blog. Maybe I’ll do some more research on the Bhopal disaster in the next couple weeks, as I don’t know too much about that.

Root Cause Analysis

Often when something goes wrong with a system we resort to a process known as root cause analysis; this means tracing back the flow of events to try and discover the factors which contributed to an accident. The problem is that in a lot of circumstances when it is applied, we like to assign blame to one individual in particular; we like things to be simple, but this is unrealistic. The one thing that is common to every single cause is that it involved human error to some extent - whether it be an inspector, someone who manufactured the part 5 years, someone who designed the computing systems or a person who installed the component.

In aviation for example, “last touch” is almost a running joke in the sense (not that people may have died obviously) that the last person to touch a part in a plane responsible for an accident almost always gets the boot. When the issue that led to an incident resides throughout an organisation, this typically requires a larger overhaul - a complete chance of organisational culture. They need to try and re-education everyone and being able to do this successfully is hard.

Human Weaknesses

I think by now everyone knows that humans are bad at telling the truth; when they do this depends on social judgement. For example, if they know they can gain an advantage without getting caught and face no social judgement, they are usually okay with doing it. However, if there are potential repercussions then they usually carefully weigh up the consequences for dishonesty with the possible reward and make a judgement.

When we looked at magic tricks earlier in the term, I think they clearly demonstrated how easy for us to get distracted or misdirected. It’s essentially a form of social engineering - we just love to focus on what is psychologically salient as opposed to what is logically important.

Another idea of satisficing links fairly nicely with truthfulness in humans; basically we’re only willing to lie to the extent that we know we can get away with. Or more appropriately, in a uni course you might decide to do the bare minimum just to get a credit - you might value other aspects of your life more and decide to do the bare minimum in certain areas. Some other inherent humans flaws are:

Bounded irrationality - decision making is limited by the information you have, the limits of your mind and the time you have to make a choice

Preferences for positivity - we want to accept the most positive outcome

Group-think syndrome - often have a preference to ‘keep the peace’ within groups for fear of social exclusion; can result in bad decision-making processes

Confirmation bias - only caring about the evidence that supports what you believe

Heuristics

Humans often rely on heuristics when determining the outcomes of situations and the associated risks. A number of types were mentioned:

Similarity matching - thinking of a similar situation that occurred in the past and applying it to the current circumstances

Frequency gambling - if many patterns match, you pick the one you are a most familiar with (a ‘natural reaction’); relies on the logic that what ‘worked in the past’ must ‘work in the future’

Availability heuristic - relies on how easily something can be brought to a person’s mind; people estimate the how frequent an event is based on how easily it can be brought to mind

Designing Code

Just some general ideas to think about when designing code:

Minimise complexity - no one component should be too complex; higher risk of errors

Coupling of components - try to avoid this because if one component is broken then the other will probably break

Cohesion - this is a good idea and involves nearby components making use of each other, while more distant ones don’t tend to

Following these rules makes it easy to build and maintain a system which is resilient to attack; if everything is tightly coupled it is hard to provide defense in depth.

3 Mile Island

We were told to watch ‘Chernobyl’ for homework again; yay I’ve already done that - love it when you’ve already inherently done the homework! I don’t think its really necessary to know the details of 3-mile island except for the fact that a cooling malfunction meant that part of the core in reactor 2 melted. This resulted in them having to release some radioactive gas a couple days after the accident.

I think the whole point of this discussion was to highlight the issues associated with highly complex systems. In the case of nuclear reactors, this makes them highly coupled such that small changes in one area of a system can lead to massive changes in other areas.

Extended Seminar: Privacy

I totally agreed with the first point of this presentation - it’s definitely all about a sacrifice of privacy for convenience. I’m pretty sure I would have great privacy if I wasn’t connected to the internet and lived on a remote deserted island, but it wouldn’t exactly be the most interesting or exciting existence. The main concern an individual might have with regards to information being online is it being used as blackmail against them; anything for a ‘quick buck’ these days it seems right? They went over some techniques you can use to protect your privacy online including:

Incognito mode - doesn’t store browsing history or cookies but not very effective against other forms of tracking

Privacy-oriented browsers - you could use search engines like ‘Duck Duck Go’ which don’t track you like Google, however if anyone in your household isn’t as concerned about their privacy as you, Google could probably still link you back up

Protecting your accounts - logout when you can, don’t like your accounts and lie about personal details

VPN (Virtual Private Network) - intermediate body between you and the internet server, so the external entity sees them (not you); traffic is encrypted

Onion routing (i.e. ) - encrypt data N times and obfuscate the origin through forwarding through a series of nodes; each of the N nodes peels back a layer of the decryption on the way to the destination

Can make yourself vulnerable by logging into accounts or through timing attacks

There was an interesting discussion regarding the “nothing to hide” argument presented by people who don’t care about widespread surveillance. Now the first counter-argument against this is the fact that you “haven’t thought of anything yet”. Also a single piece of data may not seem important but once you combine them all together you can learn extraordinary amounts about an individual - and who knows how this information could be used!

Extended Seminar: Digital Forensics

This branch of forensics is basically concerned with recovery of material on digital devices. There are 3 main stages in a digital forensics investigation usually:

(1) Acquisition / imaging

Capturing an image of a drive

Following the ‘paper trail’

Hashing

(2) Analysis

Keyword searches

Recover deleted files

Special tools used

(3) Reporting

Evidence used to construct events / actions

Layman report written

Some of the different types of forensics:

Computer forensics

Memory

Data

Mobile device

Phone

Network forensics

Router

Switches

Packet captures

Database forensics

Video / audio forensics

Movie files

Audio recorded

Steganography

The basic idea behind data forensics involves trying to re-establish the headers for files - when a file is deleted, the OS simply deletes the point to the file and marks the space under the FAT or FMT as available. Even if you overwrite the data, the overwrite is not perfect and still leaves traces of the original data. You usually need to overwrite tens of times at a minimum and test it to have any degree of certainty. I’m guessing the activity is probably going to have the flag steganographically written into the least significant bits or something...

#week8 #lectures #reflection

7 notes · View notes

jimlingss · 5 years

Note

I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT]

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it!

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right? :D

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

#SPOILERRRRS #tofugguk #chanting anon #anon h.a.n.d.#kawaii-ing #chem anon #Jimlings #Anonymous

13 notes · View notes

shinneth · 5 years

Text

Gem Ascension Tropes (General: A - B)

Full, Superior Alternative on Google Docs.

So, I’ve been on the fence as to whether or not to publicly share this. In the end, it’s really nothing more than a project of self-indulgence. However, it is 100k+ words of self-indulgence and it does involve a story at least a decent number of my followers have read and liked. I also talk about a lot about Stevidot and all the characters in general for this project. Considering I haven’t written anything since the end of August (and real life interference is finally affecting my ability to reliably produce anything of substance since then), I figured it was only fair to offer something. I do still have the itch to write; I just really don’t feel comfortable doing it if I myself am not in a good state mentally or emotionally.

Why did I make this? Well, I’ve mentioned in the past that my other super-huge, much-more-popular story Travels of the Trifecta! eventually gained enough notoriety to not only make it to the Fanfic Rec list on TV Tropes, but a few readers were even gracious enough to make an actual trope page for the story itself. However, despite great temptations, I never once contributed to the page myself, for fear I’d never get the story done because of how addictive and time-consuming that site is.

I was naively hoping Gem Ascension (or at least Bottled Up, which is easily my most popular story outside the main GA series) might get the same honors. But back then, I was also new to the fanbase and didn’t realize just how badly Stevidot as a ship was wrongfully considered an immoral ship... and still is. So that’ll probably never happen for real.

That said, so long as I completed my initial 3-act series for GA, I considered it fair game to play around with tropes that I could associate with it. And I finished that sucker in record time. So, since the early months of Summer, I’ve slowly compiled a list of tropes for my GA continuity - so far for general coverage and character-specifics only.

They’re similar to my GA Reference Tour posts in that aspect. Like I said, though, the entire document is over 100k in length, so no way is that all going up at once. The general listing is big enough to make me think it won’t fit in one post, either (especially as I continue to waste space rambling here). As the length alone proves, I was right to avoid doing this for Trifecta.

I wouldn’t consider it a complete (or even entirely accurate) listing; the character sections are very lop-sided in terms of content, but that’s a little justified, at least. Anyway, I did make some new art for certain character sections in future posts, so I figured this would at least be a neat way to share them. I’ve linked said tropes and everything. It’s really only worth a read if you’re that interested in getting some more in-depth details to the GAverse that I haven’t really covered here properly yet. But it does technically count as Stevidot content, so there’s the grab.

Beyond the spoiler cut, there are no marked spoilers. I’m not savvy enough to go THAT far with the style... plus, the main series has been complete since early March and it’s now October. Just... if you recently found the story, haven’t finished it, but actually intend to do so, look on at your own risk, I guess.

Well, let’s see how much I can actually fit in here. And whether or not it’ll format properly.

Edit: Turns out, only up to the K Tropes. Loooooovely~. Looks like I’m gonna play it safe and cut this after the Bs.

Edit II: As a bonus, I see the links being retained when I edit this post, but they won’t appear on the post itself. Just. Awesome. I may just put this up on Google Docs as an alternative if anyone cares that much about having the hyperlink access. That link is up. I’ll need to neuter these things something fierce so the hyperlinks will appear again.

GEM ASCENSION CONTINUITY TROPES

GENERAL

A Day in the Limelight: Act II as a whole functions somewhat like this; Hero Protagonist Peridot, save for the short final scene at the end of the act, is completely absent. She is frequently talked about and is featured in prerecorded Video Wills, but the 8 chapters Act II is comprised of are dedicated to the 8 remaining members of the main cast. Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, Connie, and Steven – characters who had much less time to feature in Act I due to being captured during the first half – all have chapters entirely dedicated to them. Greg, despite being part of GA from the start, also had limited time to feature in Act I past Chapter 3 due to being a Non-Action Guy. His chapter is one of the longest; Greg is also involved in a subplot with Bismuth and Lapis, and as of Chapter 7, he receives a Rank Up and officially becomes a legit member of the Crystal Gems.

A Fate Worse than Death: Pallification. Not only worse than a gem’s shattering, but even corruption. It’s similar to corruption in that a gem is technically still alive, but their consciousnesses are greatly compromised. While a corrupted gem is more akin to a mutated rabid animal until a cure is found, a pallified gem’s body – while usually maintaining the integrity of its physical form – has been rendered soulless. Once White Diamond supplants their conscious minds with her own, she boots them out to parts unknown (she doesn’t even care enough for her own subjects to figure out what exactly she’s doing to their conscious minds) with no way for them to find their way back to their original body. It’s not even made clear whether or not a gem’s consciousness is killed off outright the moment White infects them. So, a pallified gem is basically condemned to eternal purgatory. Naturally, even after the events of GA, there are still millions of gems afflicted with this condition with no known cure to ail them. With White Diamond herself shattered at this point, these victims are little more than vegetables at best.

A Friend in Need: It must be stressed that the objective from the start of Gem Ascension was not to overthrow the Diamond Authority (and certainly not to destroy Homeworld itself): it was to rescue friends who were in trouble. Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Connie were all imprisoned on Homeworld with no means to truly escape, so Steven resorted to sending an SOS to the Crystal Gems on standby on Earth. After taking charge of this mission, Peridot greatly emphasized their objective being a quick in-and-out after rescuing their friends as quietly as possible. Then the mission escalated with much higher stakes, but the objective remained the same. Act I concluded with all of the Crystal Gems safely escaping Homeworld and returning to Earth… save for Peridot. The follow-up mission, consequently, had the same objective: rescue Peridot, then escape. It was later amended to rescue all of Homeworld’s native gems once it was discovered that Homeworld itself was going to fall apart very soon. The revolution that came about with Homeworld’s destruction and the fall of the Diamonds were merely byproducts of the rescue mission. Only Pearl seemed to anticipate this kind of result, but none of the Crystal Gems were prepared to be responsible for keeping Era 3 going on Earth in Homeworld’s absence (as well as the Diamonds’).

Acceptable Targets: In-Universe, the lower you are in the caste system on Homeworld, the more you’re expected to take abuse of any kind from any gem of a higher class. This is Who I Am goes further into depth on this topic; it’s revealed Peridots have no rights when it comes to being mistreated by gems above their class. Even worse, it’s illegal for a Peridot to antagonize a gem of a higher caste for any reason – yet it’s perfectly legal for elite gems, such as quartzes, to do whatever they wish to a Peridot so long as it doesn’t permanently damage them or compromise whatever mission they’re assigned together on. Yes, even if a low-caste gem is raped (like Peridot almost was), it’s legal and the victimized gem is fully expected to suck it up and deal with it.

Adaptation Expansion: Not only does the GA series serve as an alternative to Change Your Mind, but it frequently brings up events from past canon episodes. This isn’t done for nostalgia’s sake, but rather to expand on said scenes and observe them with a different lens. Through this, scenes in the show readers have seen multiple times can yield some new discoveries with the additional details and questions posed within the GA narrative.

Adaptational Alternate Ending: Takes place shortly after Escapism in the show. The first few minutes of Change Your Mind are canon to the fic (mainly Blue Diamond’s Heel-Face Turn), but it’s completely off the rails from there on out. So, it’s basically an alternative ending to Season 5.

After-Action Healing Drama: In Chapter 5 of Act I, after Peridot got caught in a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown with 9FC and sustained severe injuries in the previous chapter, the recently-rescued Steven uses Lion to take himself and Peridot somewhere private so he can heal her many injuries.

All For Nothing: The battle with White Diamond in Chapter 6 of Act III is this, as that wasn’t the real White Diamond to begin with. The Crystal Gems just wasted a load of time and energy on a proxy, and it’s the realization of this trope that causes said battle to abruptly turn in White’s favor, ending in a Curb-Stomp Battle with the Crystal Gems on the losing end.

Due to this aspect of the battle, it means Rainbow Quartz 2.0’s scheme to siphon off some of White Diamond’s essence (to later use for a cure for corruption and pallification when they return to Earth, knowing White’s never going to help willfully) was also a waste, and what Pearl and Steven gained was just the essence of a bunch of dead gems. Pearl has a bit of a minor Heroic BSoD in Chapter 7 over this, but Garnet pulls her out of it and encourages her to not give up on the endeavor.

All Up to You: The premise of Gem Ascension: Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, and Greg step up to rescue their A-Team friends against all odds.

Alternate Continuity: This story takes place shortly after Escapism. Beyond the first few minutes of Change Your Mind, it becomes canon divergent from there.

Anachronic Order: After Gem Ascension’s completion, a set of stories was released throughout the month of May that all took place in Gem Asension’s continuity (save for one, technically, which took place a while before GA starts and has no connections to said continuity outside of being referenced in a few of the other stories) for Stevidot Month. Justified, somewhat, as they were only released out of order due to representing at least one of three prompts assigned for the five weeks of Stevidot Month, and Word of God planned much of this on the fly. A couple of stories were pre-prepared (Plans Change and This is Who I Am’s first chapter), but didn’t fit any prompts other than the ones assigned to the final two weeks. Since May’s conclusion, all stories (in their AO3 incarnations) have been put in a collection and are arranged in chronological order.

Bottled Up is the only story that averts this, as it chronologically occurs before all the others listed here and was also the first one released in May. However, since it does take place a good amount of time before GA’s starting point, it can easily be read as a standalone. The same cannot be said for the stories following it.

My Time is Now, which properly introduces Sphalerite (who only got an unnamed, featureless cameo in Act III and spoke the very last lines of the story), takes place no more than half an hour after Act III’s conclusion, but it was also the last story released in May.

Second-to-last was Plans Change, which took place only a few hours after the aforementioned story.

This is Who I Am chronologically falls roughly half a week after that, but its first chapter was released in the middle of the month.

Peri-dise: The Capitalist Anarchy takes place about 1-2 months after GA Act III, making it currently second-to-last in GA’s overall continuity, but was the third story released overall during May’s second week.

It’s a Birthday, Yes It Is takes place in late August, making it the furthest-removed from GA’s timeline by 3-4 months (until the release of Our Tomorrow – a direct sequel to this story taking place exactly one year later, but won’t be listed here as it was made long after Stevidot Month ended). It was the second story released for Stevidot Month.

Anyone Can Die: The moment White Pearl and Blue Diamond die (relatively close to the same time) by Chapter 6 of Act I makes it apparent no punches will be pulled in this story; especially after it’s made clear how much of a Complete Monster White Diamond is in this continuity. Yellow Diamond falls two chapters later, and at least for a short while it’s presumed Peridot met a similar fate. There’s also the concept of pallification, which renders several hundred gems functionally dead in Act I alone. The majority of the gems left on the planet end up pallified by the time the Crystal Gems return to Homeworld in Act III. By the climax of said act, White Diamond self-destructs. On a smaller scale, almost every original character introduced in GA either dies or is already dead upon introduction. 5XF is the only one so far who averts this.

Astral Projection: An aspect of Steven’s developing powers in Act III. During Chapter 4, an all-pink astral projection of Steven travels into Peridot’s subconscious to find out what White Diamond did to fragment her mind. A bit later in Chapter 8, astral projections of Steven and Peridot are seen superimposed over the corporeal forms of Pink Diamond 2.0 and Chartreuse Diamond to signify both coming to terms with their Alter Egos becoming part of them and becoming whole.

Autodoc: The restoration machines that are abundant and scattered across Homeworld, which the Crystal Gems use to speed up the recovery process for Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl at the end of Chapter 6 of Act I.

Badasses in Distress: All of the imperiled Crystal Gems at the start of the story qualify. After Act I, Peridot takes their place.\

The Big Damn Kiss: Steven gives Peridot a pretty significant one in Act I’s final chapter right in the middle of a large and busy battlefield before they split ways to help their friends. Punctuated with a deliberate Shout-Out to Gem Drill.

Big Damn Reunion: Chapters 6 and 7 of Act I is this, as is Chapter 5 of Act III for the follow-up rescue mission.

Birthday Episode: It’s a Birthday, Yes It Is serves as one for Peridot. It also loosely applies to Steven, as his birthday is less than two weeks before hers and is frequently referenced (the pair’s chronological ages are 14 and 15 respectively by this point). Our Tomorrow is a direct sequel to the aforementioned story taking place exactly a year later, making Peridot 15 and Steven 16.

Bittersweet Ending: GA’s conclusion in a nutshell. The Diamond Authority is no longer a threat to anyone, but Homeworld is destroyed, meaning the Crystal Gems have to directly deal with the fallout of this particular revolution while ensuring Earth’s safety. Now they have thousands, if not millions of gems to help adapt to life on Earth and teach the concept of independence and free thought. Homeworld’s colony planets are doomed to civil disorder and collapse unless the heroes directly help, but that also presents a risk if they don’t play their cards right. Peridot and Steven’s lives are irrevocably shaken in their own right, and they’re the ones who’ll have to be the most involved in helping the Homeworld refugees. And there’s still the matter of curing not only the corrupted gems, but now the pallids as well. While GA ended the best way it possibly could, given the circumstances, there’s still a lot of work ahead for the Crystal Gems… and a lot of it will be unpleasant/awkward at best and outright life-threatening at worst.

Blank White Void: The nature of the Pocket Dimensions featured in Act III, save for the one Steven is initially imprisoned in at the end of Chapter 3.

1 note · View note

dweemeister · 6 years

Photo

Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)

The Walt Disney Company is on a financial rampage. Its pending acquisition of 20th Century Fox will be just the latest of a long line of safe purchases by its chairman and CEO Bob Iger – perhaps the first step in erasing the glorious history of a rival, formative major Hollywood studio. In the midst of rapid change in how television and cinema is consumed and distributed, the Walt Disney Animation Studios remains the spiritual home of the corporate behemoth that has been banking hard on monetizing nostalgia to decrease its risks. Apart from (recent) Pixar, Lucasfilm, Marvel, and whatever else Disney has acquired, the Walt Disney Animation Studios can be proud of its history of artistic innovation and narrative timelessness. So it is dispiriting that Rich Moore and Phil Johnston’s Ralph Breaks the Internet will be the first of two of the Animation Studios’ sequels over the next two years (the other is 2019′s Frozen 2 – good riddance to John Lasseter). This sequel to Wreck-It Ralph (2012; which I enjoyed) drowns in its thematic incoherence about the Internet, muddles a well-intentioned center about the nature of friendship, and overdoses of my least favorite things about recent Disney movies – making hollow metatextual jokes about the Disney Company and previous Disney movies; the latter reveals a modern-day Disney ashamed of its past in all the wrong places.

For all that and more, Ralph Breaks the Internet – which, again, I enjoyed while watching it in a theater – is the worst Disney movie for at least a decade. It goes beyond Big Hero 6′s (2014) bombastic Marvel-sized corporatism and Zootopia’s (2016) ultra-contemporary character behavior. As a professed Disney fan cut by a different cloth, the passes that recent canonical Disney movies have received from other, noticeably hesitant-to-criticize fan-reviewers (apologies for all those hyphens) reveal a brand loyalty that yours truly does not possess. Animation history cannot be written without mentioning the works of Walt Disney Animation Studios. And thus they must be held to highest standards.

The film begins six years after the original, with Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) and Vanellope von Schweetz (Sarah Silverman) the best of friends at Litwak’s Family Fun Center and Arcade. Vanellope is tiring of her game, Sugar Rush, and a contrived moment which will make you question whether the arcade characters have free will and which results in the destruction of the game’s steering wheel controller sees Sugar Rush being unplugged – leaving its characters homeless (if this makes no sense to you, you probably did not see the first movie). Soon after, Mr. Litwak has plugged in a new Wi-Fi router, connecting the arcade to the Internet. Ralph and Vanellope decide to travel to the Internet and purchase a replacement wheel as soon as they can. They head to eBay, and in their enthusiasm, overbid for the wheel. As a result, they must raise $27,001 – which looks like a decent final score in a game of Jeopardy! – as they navigate pop-up advertisers, the dark web, a Disney fansite that needs more Eeyore and Grumpy, a YouTube knockoff led by an algorithm named Yesss (Taraji P. Henson; no the character is not named “Yasss”), and a Grand Theft Auto-like online game called Slaughter Race.

In Slaughter Race, in conversation with charismatic racer Shank (Gal Gadot), Vanellope finds what she believes to be her virtual calling. Ralph, who has been monetizing videos on that YouTube knockoff by making an absolute fool of himself, overhears his best and only friend thinking about leaving Sugar Rush. He is despondent, and willing to do too much to keep Vanellope in Sugar Rush. All this inspires plotline (Vanellope, who is essentially a child, wants to live in what probably is an M-rated game? Do these concerns make me a game-phobic adult?) and universe logic questions that are too numerous to bring up in this review. For that alone, Phil Johnston (Zootopia) and Pamela Ribon’s (2016′s Moana, 2017′s Smurfs: The Lost Village) screenplay can be described, charitably, as calamitous.

Take a deep breath; that synopsis was a lot, I know. Now, do you like Fortnite references? What about Internet memes that allow this reviewer to approximate when this screenplay was finished within a three- to six-month window? Do you care for lazy product placement for Twitter, Google, YouTube, Facebook, eBay, Amazon, Instagram, Snapchat, and especially ©Disney and its ever-growing list of intellectual properties? If you said yes to each of these questions, then Ralph Breaks the Internet is probably going to be your favorite film in the Disney animated canon.

I am just grateful the film did not find the space for 4chan or InfoWars.

In a year where all these corporations and some of their most prolific, famous users have been under much-delayed scrutiny for their ethical misbehavior, Ralph Breaks the Internet seems to want to say something, at times, about their worst aspects. The comments section in the YouTube knockoff that Ralph attempts to monetize videos with has a comments section room, teeming with negativity and cruelty. Because this is a Disney film, you have to imagine casual racism and sexism must be buried in there, but Ralph – whose self-worth has become defined by his friendship with Vanellope – shrugs off his momentary disillusionment with how some on the Internet think of his videos. Most everyone who has engaged in social media and has received nasty comments from anonymous or known users online never pick themselves up that quickly. The film looks like it wants to make a statement here – whether subtle or as obvious as a clothed person at a nudist colony. But the plot must progress to the next frantic sequence or extremely contemporary joke that will date badly in a years’ time let alone fifty years’ time, as Ralph’s Power of Friendship with Vanellope is so unbreakable that the film cannot take a few minutes for the audience to reflect on why people (perhaps themselves) act like this online. Mind you, this paragraph is only on social media negativity, in the light of revelations that video-sharing site algorithms reward the vapid and the controversial.

Johnston and Ribon deserve credit for the film’s crux, however: that friendship, any worthwhile relationship of any kind, is not what a person provides you, but what you can do to foster that person’s growth into the best individual they can be. Ralph, understandably, given how ostracized he was for decades among those at Litwak’s Arcade, is terrified of losing his best friend. But that is no excuse for keeping a friend away from what they want most, especially if what they want the most will take them elsewhere – best intentions be damned because best intentions do not always yield behavior that is healing. Unfortunately, the film’s message contradicts those from Wreck-it Ralph if only because of the inconsistent universe rules established in the first installment. Vanellope’s final decision seems not to consider how much she is valued from the place where she has come from (Ralph has more to learn, yes, but so does Vanellope, and her bit of introspection is exclusively understanding what she, and she alone, wants). Ralph’s flaws are also portrayed far too literally – no spoilers here, but the animation in this over-literalization of Ralph’s clinginess is outstanding – and manifests itself in a fatiguing action/chase/rescue setpiece. And to further bury this integral part of Ralph Breaks the Internet, there is barely a reprieve – once Ralph and Vanellope have departed Litwak’s arcade for the Internet – from a comedic scene where Ralph suffers as a result.

Some of the film’s funniest, but simultaneously disheartening, sequences occur when Vanellope finds herself at the Disney fansite – a detour that the overstuffed screenplay does not need. The most discussed moment is when she meets the Disney Princesses (all voiced by their original voice actor if that voice actor is still alive – with the exception of Mary Costa for Aurora), from Snow White to Cinderella to Belle (1991′s Beauty and the Beast) to Moana. Yes, this is a light-hearted aside from the main plot. But what is bothersome is that every joke in these few minutes are based on online-generated criticisms or perceptions on each of the characters. To dig the hole deeper, the film appears to insist that these versions of the Disney Princesses are the actual Disney Princesses. Snow White is useless and has that high-pitched voice. Aurora (1959′s Sleeping Beauty) is a tad drowsy. Don’t get me started on Merida (2012’s Brave). The Walt Disney Studios that has operated after Walt’s death – aside from nephew Roy E. Disney’s tenure through the 1990s – bears little to no resemblance to Walt’s artistic vision. Likewise, the depictions in Ralph Breaks the Internet are not reflections of what made each of those princesses’ appeal to audiences worldwide – aesthetically (many of the features of the pre-2000s princesses have been poorly rendered) or characteristically.

Before getting to the point, though, I will note that “A Place Called Slaughter Race” – with music by Alan Menken (numerous Disney Renaissance films; if you do not know Menken’s name, you should) and lyrics by Phil Johnston and Tom MacDougall – is delightful, and elicited the most laughs out of me during the entire film. Anyways, back to the Disney Princess scene.

That scene, in addition to the interminable parade of live-action Disney remakes of their animated classics, is part of a worrying trend for the studio’s 2010s movies. In films like Tangled (2010), Frozen (2013), Big Hero 6, Zootopia, Moana, this film, and probably the foreseeable future given the history of the Walt Disney Animation Studios’ chief creative officer Jennifer Lee, Disney’s animated films cannot stop making self-referential jokes about Disney tropes and previous Disney movies. The live-action remakes and the animated films are both responding to contemporary criticisms of Disney classics (foxes aren’t always devious creatures, Zootopia trumpets deafeningly; if you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you are a princess, says Maui from Moana; etc.). For Ralph Breaks the Internet, the central criticism of these Disney princess movies is that none of these princesses – especially the earlier ones – were feminist “enough”. I acknowledge (and almost entirely agree) the points from anyone who says that some of the older Disney princess movies have serious problems in how they portray gender stereotypes. But Ralph Breaks the Internet is judging the princesses on a standard that has not withstood the unforgiving passage of time, unwittingly close to saying it is not worth anyone’s time to see Snow White. Intersectional feminism, from my understanding among its many facets (full disclosure: I’m a dude), seeks to understand the environment in which a work of art was produced. It critiques that art for the gendered inequalities within, but reserves praise for those works in what good they did for depictions of women in their time.

Ralph Breaks the Internet represents a concerning turn in the artistic direction of Walt Disney Animation Studios. Its impulses to become a studio of the likes of Illumination (of Despicable Me fame) are rooted in the early 2000s, when Disney’s then-Chairman/CEO Michael Eisner proceeded to destroy the hand-drawn animation department after the box office failure of Treasure Planet (2002) and the success of Shrek (2001) – I am not saying that a hand-drawn animated movie is necessarily better than a CGI movie, but have you noticed how poorly the referential, cynical humor in Shrek has dated? That transformation, noting the résumés of the people in charge at the key positions at Disney, is nearing completion. Will Disney’s past be prologue? This axiom proved itself true once before, but the appetite nor the groundwork seems to be apparent for a second sampling.

If nothing more, Ralph Breaks the Internet is the sort of movie I – if I was a parent or a babysitter – would put on the television (or tablet or phone... there are many reasons why you should never watch movies on a tablet or a phone if you cannot help it, but that rant is for another setting) to distract children with. The film is almost devoid of thoughtful discourse about how the Internet has changed human behavior for better and worse, preferring to occupy too steadfastly what is now, leaving others to write the future.

My rating: 5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

#Ralph Breaks the Internet #Rich Moore #Phil Johnston #Disney #Pamela Ribon #John C. Reilly #Sarah Silverman #Gal Gadot #Taraji P. Henson #Alan Menken #My Movie Odyssey

1 note · View note

hisband · 6 years

Text

okay, so i’m trying to process a lot of fucking information about the current lore at once and a lot is happening so bear with me while i try to sort out my thoughts

spoiler alert: i don’t hate it! no negativity to be found here; just analysis. also a trigger warning for mentions of medical stuff, injuries and a brief mention of animal death.

mur.doc has been sent to the infirmary due to a serious beating from big ba.lls mcgui.nness, the most feared inmate at worm.wood scr.ubs. he mentions that his jaw is wired shut, most of his fingers are broken, he cannot walk and one of his eyes has been badly damaged.

i actually predicted mur.doc suffering a serious eye injury some time ago and while i’m horrified and upset that this has happened to him, it made me feel really validated that my theory ended up coming true!

i actually really like how they’re writing mur.doc right now. he’s made some remarks and jokes that haven’t sat well with me, sure (re: the “death” of cor.tez that i’m refusing to believe is anything but a sick joke), but that’s to be expected. he’s mur.doc - he’s always been like that. it’s an integral part of his personality. but overall his attitude has changed for the better, and i think a lot of that has to do with the fact his escape plan is actually starting to work. it’s put him in much better spirits. while still pretty snarky and rude, muds shows genuine graciousness towards the parts of the gor.illaz fanbase who have reached out and helped him. his concern for the wellbeing of those fans is genuine as well; he knows el mie.rda is extremely dangerous and explicitly states that he doesn’t want anyone else getting hurt. that’s a huge step forward in terms of character growth. back in phases 1 - 3, mur.doc would’ve been much more willing to throw someone under the bus if that meant getting something out of them faster and more easily. here, he’s upfront and tells his fans that there is a risk factor involved with helping him. i understand that the writers probably threw that in there for exposition purposes as opposed to character development, but i can’t help but take note of it nonetheless. let me have this.

while i’m inclined to say they’re probably doing it for cheap laughs as opposed to actual representation, the writers have been allowing mur.doc to openly express attraction to other men far more often. his status as a mlm is not something he hides anymore; he’s pretty open about it, and that’s also a huge sign of character growth. i’m incredibly proud of him. unless the tv show / movie decides to do something really progressive, i think this is as close to mur.doc canonically coming out as we’re gonna get.

for those saying mur.doc has been sidelined in terms of the plot... i’m sorry, but he’s literally the one carrying the whole story right now. everything else, outside of mur.doc’s time in prison, has been pretty vague. he’s just as confused about what’s going on as the audience is, and we’re finding out new information with mur.doc in real time. i really like this style of storytelling.

on the topic of mur.doc acting as our major protagonist / the driving force of the narrative as he usually is (whether fans like to accept that or not), the team is really pushing him in terms of marketing right now - possibly more so than any other character with the exception of maybe stu. they really wanted to get people involved with the chat bot today and promoted the fuck out of it. it was really heartwarming to see, especially in light of all the negativity towards him from the fanbase and the official team themselves. even though the team has been treating him pretty badly up until this point and i still don’t totally trust them with him, they want people to like him. they’re actively trying people to engage with him. this is a really, really promising sign.

other promising signs include mur.doc stating that he fucking detests tr.ump if you ask him about that (it doesn’t totally make up for that hideous MAGA merch, but it’s a step in the right direction) and mur.doc actually replying to posts on tw.itter! he was very quick to chime in with fans insisting he’s not as bad of a person as he used to be, and while one can make a strong argument that he’s just doing it to make himself look good... that at least means the team was actually taking to time to go through fan responses. i’m not holding my breath or expecting much in terms of them listening to us about really sensitive topics (like getting mur.doc some professional fucking help for his mental health issues), but at least they’re getting to see that are still fans who really like him and want to see him become a better person!

as for the real meat and potatoes of the storyline... hear me out on this, but i’m starting to believe stu might have something to do with mur.doc not only being taken to prison, but some of the other really horrible shit that’s happening to him - like his eye trauma. look at this post. at first this looks like it could be a scary coincidence, but then you look at other shit like the lyrics of humility. i can’t take the credit for coming up with this theory (i found it here), but one of the lyrics for hum.ility is “i’m the lonely twin, the left hand”. if one does a quick google search, they’ll find this:

the full article can be found here. as mentioned in the original theory post, left-hand magic is often associated with satanism, which we know mur.doc is incredibly well-versed in and takes very seriously. what are the fucking chances that stu might’ve swiped some of mur.doc’s spell-books / satanic texts as a means of finally taking revenge on him for all the suffering mur.doc has caused him over the last 21 years? especially when you consider that da.mon, the songwriter, has opened up about being a pagan himself and would know what he’s talking about?

if you still think this sounds far-fetched, check out this illustration that can be found in stu’s journal. when you put that together with all the other evidence we have so far, along with the fact the sketch is meant to accompany the lyrics of a song called “sorc.ererz”... you can’t help but wonder how much credibility it has.

and if all this isn’t crazy enough? one of the warnings mur.doc gives you about el mier.da is that this demon is extremely manipulative and can “make your own mother turn against you.” could that explain why russ.el and noo.dle have been giving mur.doc the cold shoulder for five months straight? is this something that goes beyond just the the band just being fed up with mur.doc and wanting nothing more to do with him for the sake of their own sanity? it may just be a coincidence, but it seems like a very odd and specific detail to include.

and top it all off? mur.doc suspects that el mier.da may be a soul harvester. this is far from the first time that gor.illaz explored a “deal with the devil gone horribly wrong” storyline, and i’m wondering if that’s the route that they’re going with ph.ase 5, and if that’s connected to all the previous stuff i mentioned.

in summary: something extremely strange and unsettling is going on with the plot, and the groundwork for major upcoming events is clearly be laid out as we speak. da.mon already stated that the new album is just the chapter one of a much bigger story, and both he and jam.ie confirmed that a character-focused pha.se 6 is in the works. i’m a little nervous that things are going to go horribly wrong, but i’m at least invested in the story again and am willing - yet again - to give this all a chance. i just hope mur.doc comes out of it in one piece.

#( DO NOT REBLOG. )#⇩ ▬ sᴜɴsʜɪɴᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ʙᴀɢ ( ooc. )#( META. )#long post /#i didn't talk about the injured eye as much as i planned because i already covered that in an older analysis #but i'm starting to wonder if that's going to be a permanent change to mur.doc's character #i feel like... there's a chance it might be or that it's at least gonna take some time for the eye to heal up properly

8 notes · View notes

notyoursterotypicalnerd · 6 years

Text

Do you know who I am? (Stucky/Stark x OC)

Summary: Lana Montgomery, the Stark’s dirty little Secret. After the shock disappearance of Bucky Barnes and after the shock death of Captain America, Lana had encouraged Howard Stark to use her as an experiment. He had broken his promise to Lana instead freezing her until he found fit to bring her back, he had died before he had a chance to tell anyone about Lana instead Tony Stark stumbled upon her cryo-freezer. Now that Both Bucky and Captain America are back, Lana breaks all of Tony’s rules.

Feat: Howard & Tony Stark, Peggy, Nat,Steve,Bucky,Bruce Word Count: 8127

Authors Note: This was going to be a Reader! Story but as I started writing, I guess creating my own little character felt nicer. This falls AFTER Captain America: Winter Solider and kinda rewrites the MCU of past and present. May contain spoilers of MCU. Also put Lullaby by Todrick Hall Feat Brandy on repeat. I tried to find all the grammatical errors, hopefully it makes sense and seems okay. I know it’s quite long and I’m sorry. Italics are flashback scenes IMAGES ARE NOT MINE! CREDIT BELONGS TO RIGHTFUL OWNERS! – I used google to find these images.

She followed Howard Stark around the foyer “Come on, Mr Stark. You know I won’t take no as an answer”

Howard stopped in front of the elevator “Look, I can’t.”

“Come on Howard, it’d be nice to have some fresh eyes on this.” Peggy looked up at the eager female and smiled. The two females had become close friends over the past few months and it was quite fun considering neither of them were very good at keeping female friends.

Howard stepped inside the elevator and sighed; Peggy stepped next to him as the two of them looked at the female standing outside the elevator doors.

“Fine” Howard managed to say.

“Thank you, Mr Stark” She bounced on the balls of her feet as the elevator doors slide shut. She couldn’t wait. She rushed out of the foyer of the building, goodbye to the days of working as a waitress.

“James” She called out.

A black-haired male dressed in a military uniform turned around and reached his arms out as she ran into them “Lana” He kissed her cheek.

She had exciting news to share and she couldn’t wait; her arms wrapped around his neck. He also had news of his own to share; news that would overshadow the best day of her life.

The two of them were the best of friends; he would protect her when he could that was when he wasn’t protecting the sickly Steve Rogers that Lana had come to be friends with. The three of them were almost inseparable.

That was until she meet Peggy Carter months ago and Lana had been spending more time with Peggy rather than with the boys.

- - -

He pulled her up into a hug “I promise I’ll be back” He kissed her cheek.

“I’ll be waiting” She kissed his cheek before watching him board the train with the other soldiers. She waved as the train began to pull out of the station.

- - -

She placed flowers on the makeshift grave that she had created for James Buchanan Barnes. They hadn’t told her that he had died instead telling her that he was missing in action and they believed that he had died.

She stepped back; standing next to the super solider that had changed so much in only a few short months. He draped his arm around her as she leaned body against his. The one person in her life that never gave up on her, the one person in her life that she was willing to wait for.

James loved woman and he certainly wasn’t shy about it, but this was one woman who was punishing herself for loving a man that eagerly loved too many.

- - -

After Steve Rogers plummeted into the ocean; she had felt like she had lost everyone. Bucky had fallen to his death from the freight train while on a mission with Captain America. She had watched Peggy mourn for a man that she wanted to grow old with.

Looking up at Howard Stark, the man who felt like he needed to create a safer world. Something that he would be proud of, something that he didn’t ever want to fail.

“I’ll do it” She spoke up.

Howard looked up at her and shook his head.

“Howard, what have I got left? Experiment on me. Use me.” She pleaded him with.

His brown eyes meet up with her hazel eyes “I can’t, I won’t.”

“Please Howard.” Feeling tears swell up in her eyes “I’m not of use anymore. I can’t just keep carrying on like you and Carter.”

Howard reached for her hands, but she pulled them back.

“Just use me.”

Howard closed his eyes.

- - -

She laid back in the slated chair as she looked up at Howard Stark “Just promise me that no matter what happens….” She couldn’t find her words.

Howard half heartedly smiled as the lid closed over her body.

She smiled up at Howard “Just promise.”

Howard held his hand over the button as he quite one final glimpse at the woman who wanted to give up her life for the sake of Howard Starks’ experiment .He looked down at the red button the he had just pressed listening as the container filled with chemicals freezing her body.

= = =

A lot had changed since she had seen him; He wasn’t the man that she had grown to love, he was now the man she had feared. He was a sweet innocent man but now he was a killer. He used to just go by the name of James that was until he became nicknamed Bucky and now they knew him as The Winter Solider, the man who had more blood on his hands than he cared to count.

Standing a few metres from him; she could tell it was who she was thinking off. She didn’t move as he marched closer to her; she watched as he lunged at her. She could see it in his eyes, he was a monster.

She grabbed his wrist causing him to drop the knife; He grabbed her by her arm flipping her over onto her back. In a quick swift move, he managed to pick his knife up off the pavement and balance himself over her.

“James.” She whispered.

His blue eyes stared into her hazel eyes. He recognised that name; a name that was he no longer called by.

She reached her hands up to his chest and pushed him off her; She swatted the knife out of his hand. It was like he had froze as he watched the movements she made.

He pushed his metal hand up against her throat as he pushed her into the side of a car; His grip wasn’t tight enough to harm her but tight enough to send a message. She kept her hazel eyes on him; She wasn’t scared. If she was going to die than she was going to die by the hands of a man she used to love.

= = =

She hunched over as she tried to catch her breath.

“Why didn’t you stop him?”

She looked up at the man who was failing at reprimanding her.

“Tony don’t start”

Tony folded his arms across his chest.

“Now you look like your father.” She smirked as she straightened stance.

The Stark family had their secrets, and this was one secret that Tony had been keeping for long enough. SHIELD knew about Lana, but Tony had managed to keep Fury away from using Lana once she came out of the ice, she was originally supposed to be the next secret weapon that was until they found Captain America and brought him to the current century, she quickly took a backseat and remained hidden under Tony’s watch.

That was until they caught wind of the Winter Soldier, she had heard that Captain America was supposed to bring the guy in but turns out he knew the guy who had countless murders under his belt which made it quite difficult.

Lana had risked everything to run out and find out who the winter solider was. She had chased after him just like Captain America did even helping Captain America and Natasha fight him in the middle of the street.

There went her secret.

Captain America had figured out who she was or at least figured out who he thought she was. Tony had quickly created an imaginary barrier between Lana and Captain America. Claiming that the woman was just another SHIELD agent and that no one needed to care about her.

= = =

Some time had passed.

Natasha had given up trying to find out anything she could on who the woman who helped them attempt to capture the winter solider was instead she threw herself into other matters. Captain America had kept searching, he kept the imagine of the blonde-haired woman in his mind constantly replaying her in his mind. He believed he knew who she was, but it couldn’t be possible.

- - -

She had grown accustomed to a world that she had forgotten; growing up in the early 1900’s was certainly different living in 2014. She had been defrosted for almost four years, a year earlier than the famous Captain. She had grown to love but hate the woman’s fashion, she loved that they could wear what they please but hated that it was more revealing than she was used to. Technology had certainly scared her with the help of Tony Stark, she had learnt to love it.

With the help of Tony Stark, she had done her research of Mr. Star Spangled Banner. She had learnt more than she knew. She believed that in 1945 he had plunged the aircraft into the water to save the world from the dangers from Red Skull where she had spent time with Peggy Carter and Howard Stark mourning the solider.

“Lana” Tony called out as he entered her apartment.

She looked up from her laptop that sat on her lap “Mr Stark.”

The man in front of her rolled his eyes; he shared similar features to his father. The man that Lana had gotten used to back in her time “What have I said about calling me, Mr Stark?”

“Force of habit, I guess.” She shrugged slightly. That was half the truth, she did it because that was what she was accustomed to, but she also did it because Tony Stark hated being called Mr Stark “What do you have there?” She watched as Tony placed the bags in his arms down on the table.

“I saw a few things that I thought you’d like.” Tony admitted “Pepper helped me.” He sighed a little thinking that would hurt Lana’s feelings. She had heard some much of Pepper Potts but had yet to actually meet the female that Tony talked so much about.

Lana placed the laptop down on the lounge before stepping up to Tony; She opened one of the bags and smiled as she pulled a dress out of the bag. It reminded her of the dress that she had worn each time she went out dancing with James. She held the dress close to her body as she closed her eyes letting the memories flood her mind.

= = =

“Come on, Doll” James reached out his hand “Last dance.” He smirked in a cheeky manner.

“You said that three dances again” Lana laughed a little as she placed her hand in James’ “Last dance.”

He placed his other hand on her lower back as the two of them swayed around the dance floor. The two of them couldn’t take their eyes off each other. They were just close friends and that’s just what they were; Lana knew what James was like with other woman but with her, he was different. He was more of a caring male who was willing to put Lana before any other girl if she had asked him to, but she never did. She let him play the field, she let him bed other woman while she stayed on the side lines with Steve Rogers.

= = =

“Lana?” Tony called out.

She gently shook her head before placing the dress back in the bag; she ran her right hand’s fingers over her cheeks trying to wipe away the tears “Sorry.” She looked up at Tony “Thank you.”

Ever since Tony had stumbled across Lana’s cryo-freezer he did what he could to help her adjust to the 21st Century. When Tony allowed Lana out to explore the city that had changed so much, she kept reminding him of one thing that she wanted to keep from her past and that was the fashion. Every chance he got, he would bring Lana a new piece of attire that he believed would suit her. She loved it and never complained.

= = =

Captain America pushed Tony into an empty room “Who is she?”

“Who is she?” Tony pushed Captain America’s hands away before straightening the expensive high brand fashion name jacket he was wearing.

“The blonde, the woman”

“Pepper?” Tony seemed confused “You’ve meet Pepper Potts before.” He went to stepped out of the room, but Captain America had pushed his friend back away from the door “Rogers, what are you playing out?”

Captain America sighed in frustration “You know who I’m talking about. The one from months ago, the one who was out there fighting Bucky.”

Tony looked down at his polished shoes before looking up at Captain America “Just a friend, someone you don’t need to worry about.”

= = =

Captain America didn’t like being lied too, he snuck behind Tony Stark watching as Tony entered a hotel. Captain America followed close behind, moving closer to the elevators as the doors closed when Tony stepped inside of them, Captain America watched as the numbers moved up, watching as the elevator stopped on the thirtieth floor.

Captain America pressed the up button and waited for the elevator doors to open. He sighed in frustration as he realised that the elevators needed a hotel key card to work, he stepped out of the elevator; he went to find the emergency stairs before rushing up them. He wanted to know what Tony Stark was hiding.

- - -

Captain America stopped and tried to listen out for Tony’s voice; he wasn’t sure which apartment that Tony had gone into. He quietly moved closer to each door listening out for Tony’s voice; It took several attempts, but he had finally found the right apartment. His hand gripped the door handle and pushed it open; for a guy named Tony Stark, his security seemed pretty relax.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen; he wasn’t supposed to barge into an apartment and find out this way.

“Steve?” She froze as she looked at the muscled blonde hair male in front of her. She looked him up and down, he certainly hadn’t changed.

Steve Rogers stood in silence as he looked at the blonde-haired female; She looked just like she did when he knew her “That’s not possible” He whispered.

She bite her lower lip before turning her attention to Tony Stark; She was supposed to be a secret. That was the whole reason that she was hiding, it was her fault that Steve Rogers had wanted to find her.

Tony took a step forward “Who do you think she is?” he asked Steve.

“She can’t be.” Steve managed to say. “How is this possible?”

Lana smiled a little before looking back at Steve Rogers “What’s my name?” She asked him.

“You can’t be.” Steve repeated himself.

“What’s her name, Rogers?” Tony asked.

“Lana Montgomery” Steve let the name slip from his lips; He studied the dress she was wearing, he looked as if he recognised it. The dress looked exactly like the one she wore on the day she had placed the flowers on Bucky’s makeshift grave. She looked just like she did the last time they had seen each other except the difference was she looked less scared.

= = =

Lana smiled at the sight of the plums at the fruit market; She looked up thinking she had heard her name being called. She turned her attention back to the plums and picked up a few, inspecting which ones she wanted to buy.

She lifted her head back up; twisting it around, again thinking she had heard her name being called out. She paid for the plums in her hand before making her way back to her apartment. She tried not to look around as she felt like she was being followed. She felt like she was being watched, she reached into her handbag and pulled out her mobile phone.

She began to search for Tony Stark’s number as she entered the hotel’s foyer. She pressed the call button as she stepped over to the elevator.

You have reached the voice mail of Tony Stark, you should know what to do.

She hung up before dialling again as she stepped inside the elevator; pressing her floor button. She stood listening to the dial tone as the elevator went up the shaft.

You have reached the voicemail of Tony Stark, you should know what to do.

Lana tried ringing him again as the elevators doors opened on her floor level, she stepped out and hurried her steps towards her apartment door.

“Lana? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

She finally heard his voice as she opened the door “I don’t know, I think I’m fine but I…” She stopped her words as she saw a man standing out on the balcony.

“Lana?” Tony questioned.

She carefully quietly placed her handbag down on the kitchen bench.

“Lana?” Tony asked again.

The man on the balcony turned around; She froze, she let her hand drop to her side.

“LANA!” Tony Stark’s voice filled the silence.

She watched as the man slide open the balcony door, stepping inside. He studied her carefully “You’re her, aren’t you?”

Lana nodded her head slowly as Tony’s voice kept getting louder on the phone. The man in front of her had changed so much, the last time the two of them meet he had placed his fingers on her throat trying to kill her. She kept still as she took in the details of him, he wasn’t the clean cut solider that she was in love with instead he was the shaggy black-haired male with a metal arm.

“LANA! ANSWER ME!” Tony’s voice screamed.

The man in front of her looked at the phone in her hands; Her eyes shifted to where his gaze was. She quickly placed the phone to her ear “Sorry, I have to go.” She hung up on Tony Stark before he had a chance to respond.

- - -

It didn’t take long for Iron Man to fly over to Lana’s apartment, he had slide open the balcony door letting himself into her apartment. His body on high alert as he took in the quiet apartment, he noted her handbag on the kitchen bench as he took further steps into the apartment.

He pushed open the bedroom door; She wasn’t there. He pushed open the bathroom door; She wasn’t there.

What had he done? He had let his guard down and let Lana disappear. Iron Man stepped out onto the balcony before flying off to find Steve Rogers.

- - -

“I won’t ask twice, where is she Rogers!?” Tony stormed into the Avengers tower not caring who was around.

“Who?” Steve looked up from the movie he had been recommended.

“Lana!? Where is Lana!?” Tony screamed.

Bruce looked up from the tv screen; He noticed how much of a panic Tony Stark was, it was an emotion that he wasn’t used too seeing. Natasha had come running into the room when she heard Tony’s voice.

“Whose Lana?” Natasha asked trying to figure out if this was a mission that she wasn’t told about.

Tony gaze shifted to Natasha “A girl that I was supposed to keep safe, but it seems that the minute Captain America found out about her, she’s goes missing.” He turned his attention back to Steve.

Steve’s eyes widened “Why would I take Lana?” He jumped to his feet.

“Because you were jealous that I was keeping her from you” Tony admitted.

Bruce slowly rose to his feet “I think we need to tone this down” He didn’t want to go code green if he didn’t need to “Tony, I think you need to start from the beginning. Why were you keeping Lana safe?”

“Banner, I’m not in the mood to explain. I need to find her” Tony looked at the scientist and sighed. He understood what his friend was trying to do but Tony just didn’t want to explain, not right now.

= = =

“How did you find me?” Lana carefully asked as she eyes scanned the run-down apartment that he had taken her too.

“I don’t know” Bucky admitted.

“How did you know it was me?” Lana carefully asked again.

“I don’t know” Bucky admitted again.

Lana sighed “Tell me, who are you?” She knew who he was, but did he know?

He didn’t want to answer that question.

“I thought you died” Lana looked down at the ripped-up carpet below her heels.

“I had” Bucky shook his head “I felt like I had.”

Lana looked up at him “I mourned for you, Steve mourned for you” She froze as she thought that’s how Bucky had found her.

The named Steve had caused Bucky to wince; Lana’s hazel eyes scanned the run-down apartment noting one thing that looked out of place. A neat kitchen bench with a small plastic bag full of plums.

“I see some things never change” Lana smiled.

Bucky’s eyes flicked over to the kitchen bench than back at Lana.

= = =

She had barely made it inside her apartment when she heard his voice “And where the hell were you?”

“Mr Stark” Lana closed the door behind her as she looked at the Iron Man standing in her apartment. She saw Steve Rogers rise up from the seat he was sitting in “Captain.”

“Lana, this isn’t funny. Where were you?” Tony repeated his question.

She placed her key in her handbag “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Scare me!? Scare me!? I almost threw Rogers into the ground because you went missing!” Tony shouted.

Steve almost winced at Tony’s choice of words “We looked for you, we searched the city for you” He had calmly said.

“I’m sorry.”

“You can’t just say sorry, Lana.” Tony relaxed his tone “I thought something happened to you, I thought you were hurt or killed.” He pulled her into his arms. “Who was the male’s voice?”

Lana stepped back from Tony “Tv” She lied.

Tony raised an eyebrow “Tv? That didn’t sound like a man’s voice on the tv.”

“Bucky?” Steve asked.

Lana shrugged “Like I said, it was just the tv”

“You’re not being helpful, Lana” Tony admitted “You know what. Fine, you’re going to come stay with us. This way at least I can keep a better eye on you.”

= = =

“Those boys you hang around with” Peggy began her sentence “Who are they?”

Howard listened as he tried to work.

“James and Steve” Lana smiled “Their sweethearts though James is a charmer”

Howard looked up at Lana.

“Are you with one of them?” Peggy asked.

Lana shook her head causing her blonde curls to bounce around her face “No. Lovely boys but certainly not.”

“Why not? If James is such a charmer as you say. What about Steve?” Howard asked.

Lana looked at Howard “Mr Stark, they are my friends. If your implying that I have slept with them than you are clearly mistaken. I’m not one that likes to be just another name on an ever-growing list”

- - -

“His still the same boy that you knew, Lana” Peggy admitted “But less scrawny.”

Lana looked through the folder that Peggy had handed her; Seeing her friend had been experimented on. He defiantly wasn’t the same scrawny kid that she had grown up seeing instead he was now someone who looked as if he could outfight the bullies.

- - -

Lana ran into Bucky’s arm “I was worried about you”

Bucky held Lana close to his body; She was the one girl he could count on. He inhaled the scent that he had missed, he didn’t want to get her go.

= = =

“And where exactly do you think your going?”

Lana turned around to see Tony Stark standing behind her with his arms across her chest “I was just going to get some plums.” She admitted.

Tony raised an eyebrow “Plums?”

Lana nodded “I like plums,problem?”

“Than you wouldn’t mind me coming with you?”

Lana sighed a little “Mr Stark, I have spent long enough out there to know that I’ll be fine.”

“You weren’t supposed to be alone, Lana. I slipped up and let you go out by yourself” Tony sadly admitted. He had constantly reminded Lana that she was never allowed to step foot out of her apartment but, yet she had done that. She was now in the Avengers Tower and he wanted her to stay put. “Now, are you sure you really want those plums?”

“No” Lana looked down at her heels before slowly making her way back to her room.

Tony watched Lana; he wanted to know what she was up to.

= = =

“I love you” Lana whispered in Bucky’s ear as he wrapped his arms around her body one last time.

“I’ll come back, Doll. You and I” He smiled as he kissed her cheek “Than I’ll take you out on a date. Dinner, dancing. Just like the old days”

“I’d like that” Lana smiled as she watched Bucky and the rest of the Howling Commandos followed Captain America out to an awaiting military car.

She watched as the car drove out of view.

= = =

Lana studied the redhead female sitting across from her.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” The redhead looked up at Lana.

Lana thought for a moment before shaking her head; her gaze shifted back to the laptop screen.

“Are you sure, you have been staring at me for an hour.”

Lana looked back up at the red head female “Who are you?”

“I’m Agent Romanoff” She stated coldly.

“Do you have a first name, Agent?” Lana asked.

“Nat” She responded.

“And Nat’s short for?”

“You like asking a lot of questions, don’t you?” Nat watched as Lana closed her laptop lid before placing it down on the coffee table.

Lana shrugged a little “Do you like Plums?”

That question had thrown Nat off,plums? Did Lana just ask if Nat liked Plums? Natasha Romanoff was a trained assassin and one question that she had never been asked was if she liked plums. She wasn’t sure how to reply to Lana or how to react.

= = =

Lana was pretty good at trying to find ways of escaping from the Avengers Tower, but Tony was one step ahead of her; his A.I kept a close watch on Lana when no one else could which usually scared Lana when she said J.A.R.V.I.S’ voice.

She sighed as she walked into the kitchen; She was getting restless, she was getting frustrated,she didn’t like just sitting around, she wanted to go out and find Bucky. She wanted to know his side of the story.

She watched as the coffee maker did it’s thing.

“Steve!” Lana called out “STEVE! Where’s Bucky!?” She questioned.

Steve didn’t want to look at Lana as everyone filed into the building.

“Where is Bucky!?” Lana begged “Where is he, Steve?”

Steve lowered his head as he Lana stopped him from walking away “Where is James?” she asked him.

Steve turned to face Lana “I’m sorry, Lana.”

She slapped him across the cheek “No..no...” She shook her head “You promised, he promised” She could feel tears rolling down her cheeks.

Steve pulled Lana into his arms letting her cry out for their friend.

“Sorry, I should…go” Steve interrupted Lana’s thoughts as he entered the kitchen.

She placed her hands on her cheeks wiping away the tears she had felt falling down her face “It’s okay, stay” She finished making herself a coffee. The two of them had distance themselves from each other when Steve had found out about Lana, he was still trying to come to terms with how this was possible. Tony had explained to Steve what Lana had done when Bucky and Steve died.

Steve opened the fridge door trying to figure out what to say to Lana; the two of them had ended their friendship the day that Lana mourned Bucky.

She took a sip from the coffee mug as she watched Steve “Do you like plums?”

“What?” Steve closed the fridge door.

“Do you like plums?” Lana asked again.

Steve seemed confused.

“When I was staying in the apartment that Tony set up for me, there was a nice little fruit stand. When Tony and I went out, I would always grab a few plums from the stand. It kind of reminded me off all the times we went to the fruit stands back, home.” She blew on the liquid inside the coffee mug.

Steve lowered his head as he remembered what Lana meant.

- - -

The two of them walked down the street ignoring the stares of those around them; Lana was surprised that she was even allowed to leave the Avengers Tower little did she know that Tony had set up a rule that Lana was only allowed to leave the tower if she was accompanied by someone from the team.

Steve watched as Lana walked a few steps ahead of him; The way her dress swayed as she walked, the way her heels clicked on the footpath as she walked. He smiled, she was just the way he remembered her. The girl who was always in a hurry.

He felt guilty for pushing Lana away when Bucky disappeared; She was the only friend that he had left, after Bucky’s death; Steve threw himself fully into being Captain America which had cost him his life. He didn’t know what happened to Lana after Bucky’s makeshift funeral; Peggy refused to talk about Lana which eventually caused him to stop asking about the woman that loved Bucky.

Lana stopped in front of the fruit stand and smiled; she looked down at the display of plums as Steve stopped next to her “Remember when James would try to get me to seduce that guy cause we didn’t have any money for food” She looked up at Steve.

Steve slightly nodded his head “Which quickly backfired”

“Most of his plans usually did when it came to me” She sighed as she looked around trying to spot a familiar face.

There he was; Standing across the road. Wearing a baseball cap to keep his facial features hidden. She smiled over at him; He wasn’t quite sure how to react.

“Grab a few.” She said to Steve before carefully crossing the road.

Steve looked up from the plum display before looking where Lana was going; He froze. That couldn’t be, He knew Bucky was alive but seeing his friend standing across the road couldn’t be right.

“Do you know who I am?” She asked Bucky as she stepped up onto the footpath.

Bucky reached his human hand to her cheek “Lana” he whispered as he placed his hand on her cheek.

“Do you know who you are?” She looked him in the eyes.

Bucky lowered his head trying to avoid answering that question.

“I come here just because of you” She placed one of her hands under his chin lifting his face up to look at her “Since that day you took me from the apartment. It’s hard now that Tony moved me, but I try, try just to catch a glimpse of you. Try just to talk to you, try just to remember everything we did together.”

Bucky smiled a little.

“I miss you” She whispered to him.

Bucky quickly pulled away from Lana when he noticed Steve Rogers heading towards them; He quickly pushed past the crowd causing Lana and Steve to lose sight of their friend.

Lana looked up at Steve “I told you to grab a few plums”

- - -

The two of them paid for a few plums to eat on the way back to the Avengers Tower

“That day that Tony thought you went missing, you were with Bucky?” Steve asked as he threw his last eaten plum in the bin.

Lana sighed “He came to my apartment that day” She bite into her final plum “I was at the stand, I could have sworn I heard my name being called out, but I couldn’t see who was calling it out. I started to head back to my apartment because I thought I was being watched, once I got inside I saw him standing on the balcony. I don’t know how he got in, I don’t know where he came from but there he was.” She took another bite from her plum “He took me to a safe house. The whole time we just stared at each other, he was scared, Steve” Lana stopped and looked up at Steve “Just like you, he couldn’t believe I was here, but he was afraid to come close to me. I explained to him what I did and he just kind of panicked.”

Steve listened to what Lana had said.

“So, since Stark moved me to the tower, I’ve been trying to find a way to get out. Find a way to see James again even if it’s just a glimpse” She lowered her head, looking at the plum in her hand. “you need to promise me that you won’t tell Tony, please”

“Lana” Steve sighed.

“Please Steve.” Lana begged as she looked up at him.

Steve knew that he should go and tell Tony Stark but at the same time knew that his friends from the past were more important that whatever Tony had planned.

= = =

“Lana, look what I brought you” Tony said as he walked into the lounge room with Happy trailing behind him with a few grocery bags.

“Not another outfit” Lana looked from Steve to Tony; She smiled slightly at Happy, she had meet him once before when he was instructed not to talk to Lana while she sat in the back of Tony Stark’s car, years ago. Happy had assumed he knew what Lana and Tony did, he was used to driving woman back home.

“I brought you plums” Tony beamed as Happy took the bags to the kitchen.

Lana’s face dropped “Sorry?”

“Well seeing as though as you keep asking everyone if they like plums and since you and Rogers keep going out almost every second day to go get some plums and you always seem to come back empty handed, I thought I would buy some for you to have” Tony casually sat down next to Lana; She quickly closed the page on her laptop screen.

Lana and Steve looked at each other; Had their secret been blown?

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Tony asked as he watched Lana attempt to find a new distraction on her laptop.

Lana kept her gaze on the screen while Steve watched the two of them.

“You and Rogers” Tony looked up at Steve than at Lana.

Lana looked up at Tony seeming confused on what Tony meant.

“The two of you are dating, aren’t you?”

Steve and Lana looked at each other; Lana breathed out a sigh of relief as her facial features relaxed.

“Lana and I?” Steve questioned.

“Yes, Steve. You and I” She glared at Steve trying to get him to agree to the words that Tony had just said.

“It was bound to happen, right? The two of you from the same time.” Tony started to come up with an explanation.

Lana and Steve nodded “Right” they both said.

“Good, now that we’ve cleared the air. No more sneaking out for plums” Tony jumped up to his feet as he air quoted the word plums; Tony began to walk out of the room and down to his lab.

“Oh, thank god” Lana breathed when Tony was out of sight.

= = =

“Maybe you should give the kid a chance” Bucky whispered in Lana’s ear as he moved his hands away from her waist.

Lana looked over at Steve “James, his sweet but…”

Bucky wasn’t taking no for an answer as he lead Lana over to Steve “Steve, why don’t you and Lana have a dance.”

Steve looked up at Lana; She was incredibly gorgeous under the dimly light room “I’m fine, Buck.” He looked up at his best friend.

Lana reached her hand out to Steve “Just one dance” She managed to say as Bucky took a seat.

Steve placed his hand in Lana’s “I guess, I could try.” He stood up and let Lana lead him over to the dance floor.

Bucky watched as the two of them awkwardly swayed on the dancefloor; He watched as everyone watched Steve interact with Lana. Woman weren’t exactly a fan of being around Steve Rogers, to them he wasn’t the guy that a girl falls for; Bucky was the type of guy that woman easily fell for.

“sorry” Steve whispered as he stepped on Lana’s feet.

“It’s okay.” She mumbled. Lana was supposed to go home four dances ago, but Bucky always had a way of convincing her to stay longer.

= = =

Lana placed her laptop down on the messy paper covered bench as she watched Tony work on the latest piece for his new Iron Man suit.

“Are you mad?” She asked as she sat down on the chair.

“Why would I be mad for you and Steve dating?” Tony glanced over his shoulder at her before looking back at the work in front of him.

Lana shrugged “I just thought that maybe you…”

Tony laughed a little “The two of you aren’t really dating, are you?”

Lana leaned back in the chair “What gave it away?”

“You know I’m with Pepper” Tony placed the hand drill down on the bench space next to him before turning to face Lana “Tell me the truth”

“Steve was helping me track down an old flame” Lana sighed.

“Does the old flame just happen to be Bucky?” Tony asked.

Lana nodded slightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you.”

Lana shrugged her shoulder lightly “What was I supposed to say? Everyone was hunting him down than he went underground. I just said plums because Bucky liked them and thought it was one way of tracking him down.”

“So, let me get this straight, if I lay out a trail of plums. The guy will come out?”

Lana laughed “No.”

= = =

Bucky pulled Lana down onto his lap as Steve sat back down; her feet killed her from the amount of times Steve had stepped on them. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“I should really go, now” Lana sighed as she felt Bucky rest his chin on her shoulder.

Steve watched the two of them; He wanted what Bucky had, he wanted a girl to himself. Lana was gorgeous but knew she just wasn’t interested in some scrawny kid.

“Steve can take me home” Lana’s eyes flicked over to Steve who was starting to seem uncomfortable in the company of his friends.

Bucky’s eyes glanced over to his friend and smiled “Well in that case, I guess you should go home.”

Lana pulled away from Bucky before leaning down and kissing his cheek “Enjoy the rest of your night.”

- - -

“James told me that your going to keep trying to enlist” Lana tried to come up with something to say. She knew that Steve was just a kid who wanted to keep the bullies away.

“Yes, ma’am” Steve nodded.

“Can I give you some advice?” Lana asked.

“If it’s too tell me not to, Bucky has told me that before” Steve sighed.

Lana shook her head “No, not that.” She looked at the guy walking next to her “Don’t give up. Don’t let your spirit be crushed, no matter the outcome.” They stopped outside the front of her unit “Goodnight, Steve Rogers” she kissed his cheek before pushing the door opening and walking up to her floor level.

Steve smiled.

= = =

Lana hadn’t given up searching for Bucky, she hadn’t stopped trying to escape to see the fruit market but now that it was 2016,things had defiantly changed.

She listened as the Avengers talked about the accords, she had learnt a lot while being in the shadow of Tony Stark, but he still wanted to do his best to keep Lana safe. She was still under his guard and regularly had deliveries of plums sent to the Avengers Tower.

Lana missed trying to catch glimpses of Bucky and used the photos that Tony could find as her reason to not give up trying to find her friend. Her relationship with Steve Rogers had certainly changed, they were more known to each other than they had been in years that passed by. Lana wasn’t using Steve to help track down Bucky instead they had started to form a closer bond to the point that the other Avengers thought the two of them were dating.

She walked out of the room as the discussion began to become heated over whether signing the accords was worth it.

- - -

“We’re doing this for the future” Howard slammed his hands down on the table.

Lana and Peggy looked up at him “But this isn’t the future, Howard. His just a kid.” Lana argued with Howard.

“His not just any ol’ kid, Lana” Howard tried to reason with her.

“And what happens if it backfires?” Lana questioned

“Howard will make sure that it won’t” Peggy reassured Lana “Won’t you, Stark?” She looked up at Howard.

= = =

“I found him, Lana” Steve rushed as he spoke on the phone

Lana smiled when she heard Steve’s words “Where is he?”

“Sam’s keeping an eye on him at the moment. But Bucky is back, Lana”

Lana closed her eyes for a moment as she beamed; she couldn’t believe it.

“But I need you to promise me something”

“Anything” Lana admitted.

“Don’t tell Tony, he’d want Bucky brought in”

- - -

Lana had kept her promise to Steve; She wanted Bucky safe, she had heard what happened. She had heard that he was being framed for a bombing on a King of Wakanda. She hadn’t seen Tony in days; leaving her on her own in the Avengers Tower.

She kept the TV on trying to catch any report of either Steve, Tony or Bucky and thankful they kept the reports flowing of those three. She knew they were alive that was the main thing. She kept her laptop switched on; using the internet to keep up to date on the current happenings that the media wasn’t reporting on tv. She followed the updates from civilians as they posted what was going on around them.

= = =

Lana felt like she was going insane; she hadn’t had any contact with anyone from the Avengers team in days. F.R.I.D.A.Y, Tony’s latest A.I wasn’t being helpful instead doing the best to keep Lana stuck indoors.

“Where is she!?”

Lana heard Tony’s voice; she rushed out of her bedroom “Tony!?” She saw his damaged Iron Man suit, seeing his bloody face as she faced him.

“Did you know?” Tony asked as he began to pull pieces of his iron man suit off himself.

“Did I know, what?” Lana watched as the pieces hit the floor; watching as Tony winced in pain.

“Did you know that your boyfriend killed my parents!?” Tony screamed as Lana.

Lana’s eyes widened; She didn’t know; Steve hadn’t told her. He kept the winter solider side of Bucky hidden from her. She managed to slowly shake her head.

“Don’t lie to me” Tony’s raised his gloved ironman hand to Lana.

“Anthony Edward Stark, I promise you that I didn’t know.” Lana bravely said before watching Tony lower his hand pulling the pieces off his hand.

“I want you out.” Tony looked down at the pieces of the suit down to the ground.

“Tony” Lana whispered.

“I WANT YOU OUT!” He looked up at Lana; He felt betrayed. Not only had he lost a man that he had began to trust but he had also lost trust in the woman he had saved.

Lana didn’t need to be told a third time as she ran from the sight of the man.

= = =

Lana had no where else to go; the one man that had kept her safe all these years was now kicking her out of his life. She wasn’t sure where Captain America was, she wasn’t sure where Bucky was. She felt lost as she stepped out onto the pavement, tears falling from her eyes.

She kept her head lowered as she squeezed past the crowds. Lana needed some where to go, she only knew of one other place and wasn’t sure if anyone else would be there.

She hurried herself past the crowds as she made her way to the one place she had known off.

Lana pushed open the door seeing that the run-down apartment had dramatically changed. Sure, it was still as run-down as the last time she was there, but it had looked as if there had been a few physical fights in here.

She leaned her the back of her lower body against the kitchen bench as she hunched over letting the tears fall. She felt alone. She felt just like she did all those years ago except this time there was no Howard Stark or Peggy Carter to make Lana Montgomery get over her emotions.

Lana’s blonde hair draped over her face as she tried to come to terms with what was going on. She would give anything to go back to being frozen, she would give anything to go back to her time. She would give anything to go back to before she even knew of Steve and Bucky. She would just go back to life before meeting Howard Stark and Peggy Carter.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been crying for, but her feet had ache from her standing too long; her back ached from being hunched over for too long. She sat down and leaned her back against the wall of the kitchen bench, feeling the temperate change of the breeze.

She looked out at the broken back door. Wishing for a miracle, wishing someone would come and tell her that she wasn’t alone. She turned her head when she heard footsteps out the front of the apartment door, she shuffled her position to behind the kitchen bench trying to hide as the footsteps got louder.

She listened as the footsteps moved around the run-down apartment before stopping. She carefully peeked her head out from behind the kitchen bench, she recognised those pants. Her gaze shifted up “Captain!” She jumped up to her feet.

“Lana” Steve pulled her into his arms.

“Where’s James?” She asked as she began to feel safe in Steve’s arms.

“His safe, I’m going to take you to him” Steve smiled as Lana didn’t pull away from him.

= = =

Lana followed behind Steve as the two of them stepped off the plane. She had told Steve what Tony did; Steve acted surprised for Lana’s sake, but he wasn’t surprised, after everything the everyone had been through, he would have been more surprised to have Lana stay in Tony’s life.

Steve lead Lana down the streets of Wakanda and down to the paddocks; down to the huts. He lead her down to one that sat close to the water’s edge. The two of them watched as man with black hair tied back into a bun turned around.

He had changed since they both last saw each other; He no longer had his metal arm instead his stub of his shoulder was held back in a sling, he looked calm.

“Do you know who I am?” Lana asked as she and Steve stopped in front of him.

“Lana” Bucky smiled.

“Do you know who you are?” She asked as she stared into his blue eyes.

“Bucky” He replied calmly.

Lana could feel the tears of joy roll down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around his neck; He placed his hand on her lower back. Bucky felt home with Lana in his arm.

Steve tried to sneak off as the two hugged.

“Where do you think you’re going, Steve?” Lana stopped Steve from walking away “Come here”

Steve stepped closer to Bucky and Lana; She wrapped one of her arms around Steve’s neck keeping her other one around Bucky’s; Steve placed one of his hands on the back of Lana while the other one placed over Bucky’s shoulder. She wasn’t going to let go of the boys that she loved; she just wanted to stay with them until the end of time.

2 notes · View notes