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msallurea · 10 months

Text

Things I'm manifesting

-Everything from my notes/Dream life (this just basically everything😭)

-Dream face

-Dream body

-Lighter prettier eyes

-Caramel brown skin (think goldenbih)

-Being 5'1 in a half + weighing 110lbs

-Smaller prettier feet, hands, toes, nails

-3b curls/perfect hair

-Lighter hair with caramel highlights

-Freckles + Beauty marks

-Natural makeup appearance

-Dream wardrobe/Fashion/Aesthetic

-Dream mansion + living in luxury city

-Being famous/celebrity/superstar/popstar

-Desired talents/talented at everything

-Being an it girl + sex symbol + muse + vixen (yall get it 😭)

-Being master manifestor + perfect pretty self concept (even tho technically I already am this its just like why not? Ya know😭)

-Dream parents/family + Being an only child (I'm sick of this sibling shit 😒) + radiate and embody hot older sister energy (just cuz I don't wanna be a older sister no more doesn't mean i dont still want the energy😭)

-Prettier handwriting +top notch writing skills/communication skills/over the top intelligence/stupidly high IQ(basically just the brainsy gyal)

-perfect 50/50 HD eye sight + looking hot asf in any pair of glasses (I wanna not be blind but still be fine)

-Prettier whiter teeth and pinker tongue and gums and just dental/mouth in general + OP top notch hygiene skills (I feel people who have bipolar depression understand this part)

-better mental health + no mental health issues + no anxiety/fearful etc

- balanced hormones + increased estrogen(as a girl I have wayy too much testosterone n I've been insecure about it for years)

-perfect coochani + OP coochanini skills (ummm so this is just self explanatory but honestly if yk yk 😭)

-Naturally smell like my desired scent (which is basically like a bakery n just so deliciously annoyingly sweet and seductive; but remember how I said I have too much testosterone gor my body to handle yea..ifykyk😭)

-No more sweating (I don't sweat excessive I just hate it period)

-top notch crystal clean health + no more constipation + no longer pooping n its healthy (ik somebody gon question me but those who suffer from severe constipation especially for me its been my whole life u understand where I'm coming from)

- desired voice + accent + unique lingo n slang etc

-Desired personality + persona + aura + vibe etc etc

-super flexibility skills

-unbearably photogenic videogenic audiogenic + always looking perfect naturally

-Desired school, friends, lover, etc + school it girl

-Speak/know already desired languages

-drivets license, car, motorcycle, etc etc

-Be intimidatingly wealthy (when I say wealthy I mean WEALTHYYYYY) + come from a family of aristocrats + wealthy generational family in general (yall know what I'm tryna say) + luxury etc etc

-Revised life and childhood

-Dream singing + rapping skills + song writing etc

-Good in all sports like frfr just good at everything (basically the perfect it girl)

-Be a Gazillion times better then Kokomi teruhashi (not tryna be self centered i promise🥲)

-Perfect life + graduation + live teenage fever dream

-Bald, completely hairless body and face (but keeping my brows, lashes and scalp hair)

It's more I just can't think of it rn but this is all I will be manifesting

How will I manifest all this?

So for me I'm not really tryna overcomplicate any more I'm just gonna go straight back to the basics n apply what I know which is choose what I desire, affirm/assume its done and persist. I already overconsumed so much and at this point it's a waste of time. I'm not really tryna do no challenges I'm just gonna focus strictly on trusting and having faith not just in myself but my imagination and subconscious thats its done n taken care of, I'll give yall updates on anything that happens soon! I love you guyssss💗💗💗

Affirmations I'll be using

-I have all of my desires from my notes

-I am living my dream life

-it is done

-I choose to live my new story, my old story no longer exist

#law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #neville goddard #affirm and persist #affirmations #MsAllurea

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traumacatholic · 24 days

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I was told there is a 50% chance I'll need a root canal that I just can't afford. I don't know how much more stress and humiliation I can take. prayers appreciated greatly.

I'm really sorry to hear this. It would also be worth looking into local and national charities and seeing if there's any that exist that can offer financial aid / support for dental treatments that are outside of your budget. I would imagine that there would be some support and advice for people in your position. Please also do consider reaching out to your local Church (or local Churches) and seeing if there's any kind of support and guidance they can provide. They might be able to signpost you to some kind of support, but at the very least having their prayers also can be of some great comfort and support.

I'm going to put some prayers under the readmore, that you might find to be of help

Prayers for all sick people

O Lord Almighty, healer of our souls and bodies, Who putteth down and raiseth up, Who chastiseth and health also; now, in Thy great mercy, visit our brothers and sisters who are sick. Stretch forth Thy hand that is full of healing and health, and raise them up, and cure them of their illness. Put away from them the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which they are bound. And if they have sins and transgressions, grant to them remission and forgiveness, for Thou lovest humankind. Yea, O Lord my God, have pity on Thy creation, through the compassions of Thine only-begotten Son, together with Thine all-holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, with whom Thou art blessed, both now and ever, and to ages of ages.

Prayers for yourself in sickness

O Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour, the Physician of our souls and bodies, Who didst become Man and suffer death on the Cross for our salvation, and through Thy tender love and compassion didst heal all manner of sickness and affliction: do Thou, O Lord, visit me in my suffering, and grant me grace and strength to bear this sickness with which I am afflicted, with Christian patience and submission to Thy will, trusting in Thy lovingkindness and tender mercy. Bless, I pray Thee, the means used for my recovery, and those who administer them. I know, O Lord, that I justly deserve any punishment Thou mayest inflict upon me, for I have so often offended Thee and sinned against Thee in thought, word, and deed. Therefore, I humbly pray to Thee, look upon my weakness, and deal not with me according to my sins, but according to the multitude of Thy mercies. Have compassion on me, and let mercy and justice meet; and deliver me from the sickness and suffering I am undergoing. Grant that my sickness may be the means of my true repentance and amendment of my life according to Thy will, that I may spend the rest of my days in Thy love and fear; that my soul, being helped by Thy grace and sanctified by Thy holy mysteries, may be prepared for its transition to the eternal life and there, in the company of Thy blessed saints, may praise and glorify Thee with Thy Eternal Father and Life-giving Spirit. Amen.

* * *

O Holy Father, heavenly Physician of the body and soul, Who hast sent Thine Only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to heal ailments and deliver us from death; do Thou heal me, Thy servant, of all suffering, and restore me to health by the grace of Thy Divine Son, through the intercessions of our Most Holy Queen Ever-virgin Mary, the Mother of God, and all the saints. For Thou art the Fountain of all cure, O Lord, and we give thanks to Thee, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Prayer for Protection

O Lord, Thou who steadied the hand of Peter as he began to sink on the stormy sea, if Thou are with me, no one is against me. Grant to me the shield of faith and the mighty armor of the Holy Spirit to protect me and guide me to do Thy will. The future I put into Thy hands, O Lord, and I follow Thee to a life in Christ. Amen

Prayers for Oneself in Time of Need

Almighty God, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, come to my help and deliver me from this difficulty that besets me. I believe Lord, that all trials of life are under Your care and that all things work for the good of those who love You. Take away from me fear, anxiety and distress. Help me to face and endure my difficulty with faith, courage and wisdom.

Grant that this trial may bring me closer to You for You are my rock and refuge, my comfort and hope, my delight and joy. I trust in Your love and compassion. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Prayer for Oneself in Times of Sickness

O Lord, Healer of our bodies and souls, visit me with Your loving-kindness and stretch forth Your hand of healing. Raise me up from this bed of sickness, and heal me of all disease, pain, and fever that is binding me. We bless and honour You, our most holy Father, gracious Son, and life-creating Spirit, both now and forever. Amen. Almighty God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, because You love mankind, pity Your creation. Your only-begotten Son taught us that not even the smallest sparrow falls to the ground without Your knowledge. We pray to You for Your servant [name here], for the healing of body and soul. Calm me with confidence in the fullness of Your love. To You belongs all our praise and worship, to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, unto ages of ages. Amen.

Prayer to St. Spyridon of Trimythus

O most blessed hierarch Spyridon, thou great Saint of Christ and glorious wonder-worker!

Standing in heaven before the throne of God with choirs of Angels, look down with a compassionate eye upon the people gathered here (names may be added) and asking thy powerful help.

Entreat the merciful kindness of God Who loveth mankind, that He judge us not according to our iniquities, but rather act towards us according to His mercy.

Ask for us of Christ our God, a peaceful and serene life, health of soul and body, a fruitful earth, and in all things abundance and prosperity; that we turn not unto evil the good things bestowed upon us by our generous God, but rather unto His glory and the praise of thine intercession.

Deliver us, who with unswerving faith approach God, from all ills, whether spiritual or physical; from all discouragements and diabolical snares.

Be a consoler unto those in sorrow, a healer of the infirm, a helper of those in troubles, a coverer of the naked, a defender of widows, a protector of orphans, a nourisher of infants, a strengthener of the aged, a guide unto travellers, a compass to those that sail, and pray for all that seek thy mighty intercession, that they may receive all that is profitable unto their salvation: so that, taught and kept by thy prayers, we may attain eternal rest and together with thee glorify God, Who is One in the Holy Trinity, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages.

Prayer to Saint Nicholas the Wonderworker

Hierarch and father, O most holy Nicholas, thou extraordinary Saint of the Lord, our loving defender and ready helper in sorrows everywhere: help us sinners and hapless ones in the present life: entreat the Lord God to grant us remission of all of our sins, that we have committed from our youth and all our life, by deed, word, though and all our senses; and in the passing of our souls, help us wretched ones; entreat the Lord God and Maker of all creation, to deliver us from trials in the air and eternal torment: that we may alway glorify the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and thy merciful intercession, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Prayer in Time of Trouble

O God, our help and assistance Who is just and merciful, and Who hears the supplications of Your people, look down upon me. Have mercy upon me and deliver me from the trouble that besets me. Deal not with me after my sins, but according to Your bountiful mercies, for I am the work of Your hands and You know my weakness. Grant me, I beseech You, Your divine helping grace, and endow me with patience and strength to endure my tribulations with complete submission to Your Will. You know my misery and suffering and to You, my only hope and refuge, I flee for relief and comfort. Trusting in Your infinite love and compassion, I know that in due time, when You know best, You will deliver me from this trouble and turn my distress into comfort. I shall rejoice in Your mercy and exalt and praise Your Holy Name, of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, forever. Amen.

#prayer #prayer request #prayer req

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mama-qwerty · 8 months

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This question for the Wachowski family: Do you all enjoys Halloween such as making jack-o-lanterns, decorating and goes trick or treating?

Knuckles: I do not understand the point of this holiday.

Sonic: It's fun! You get to scare people, and watch scary stuff, and dress up as whatever you want and go door to door and people give you candy just because!

Tails: Where do the tricks come into play?

Sonic: The what?

Tails: The tricks. You say "trick or treat". What happens if you don't get a treat? Do you retaliate? Is there a punishment? I need to know the parameters so I can plan accordingly.

Sonic . . . dude, it's just a saying. There aren't any tricks.

Knuckles: Why say it if there is no threat attached to it?

Sonic: Man, I dunno, it's one of those things that probably got all twisted around over the years.

Knuckles: Perhaps it was a way to frighten those who would not hand out treats. The threat was too great.

Sonic: You're really overthinking this.

Tails: Is there a trick meant for people who give out raisins?

Sonic: Oh, there should be.

Knuckles: And toothbrushes.

Sonic: Thought you didn't understand this holiday?

Knuckles: I understand the idea of gaining sweet treats. Those who use that to push the importance of dental hygiene are missing the point.

Sonic: YES! Thank you.

Knuckles: I do find carving pumpkins fun, though.

Tails: You kinda had a hard time with yours.

Knuckles: The rind was harder and thicker than I anticipated.

Sonic: Yeah, the first one you tried kinda ended up as more Jack o'lump-of-mush and less Jack o'lantern.

Knuckles: I was frustrated. The second attempt was better.

Tails: . . . .

Sonic: . . . .

Knuckles: My art skills notwithstanding.

Sonic: OH, looking at all the decorations are fun!

Tails: Some of them are really neat. And the scary movies are nice for a good scare!

Sonic: We should go to that haunted house they set up in town!

Knuckles: . . . .

Knuckles: Pass.

Sonic: Whatsamatter? Is the big brave echidna scared of ghosts?

Knuckles: They can be . . . annoying.

Tails: Annoying? That's an interesting way of saying you're scared.

Knuckles: Fear has nothing to do with it. You would find it annoying as well if they never left you alone.

Sonic: . . . .

Tails: . . . .

Sonic: What are you talking about?

Tails: Knuckles, are you trying to convince us you can see ghosts?

Knuckles: Is that not common?

Sonic: NO.

Tails: Wait, really??

Sonic: Is there a ghost here?? Have you seen any since you came to Earth??

Knuckles: Not many. But there is one that likes to hover over Tails while he sleeps. It has empty eyes and wails softly as it leans ever closer in the night.

Sonic: . . . .

Tails: . . . .

Tails: Heh, good one. That's not true, though. Right?

Knuckles: . . . .

Knuckles: *flicks his eyes up to the 'empty' space above Tails' head*

Knuckles: No. Of course not. That would be . . . silly.

Tails and Sonic's eyes widen, their ears pinned back.

Tails: *takes off running* MOOOOOOOOOM!!

Sonic: Real talk, you made all that up, right?

Knuckles: I did.

Sonic: *breathes a sigh of relief, even though he totally didn't believe it for a second, nope, not him*

Knuckles: It actually hovers over your bed.

Sonic: *zips off* MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

A little smile curls Knuckles' lips. Maybe he understood this holiday more than he let on.

~~~

Like this? Check out my other shorties. Reblogs are appreciated!

#sonic the hedgehog #knuckles the echidna #tails the fox #halloween #sonic wachowski #knuckles wachowski #tails wachowski #ask me

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pyode-luar-ke · 2 years

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Can we get a yautja and a reader with dental braces?

teething problems | gn!yautja x gn!reader

A/N: everyone please just assume that the yautja in this story is like hyper-new to earth, like a first time scout or something, bc i know realistically there’d be no way a yautja wouldn’t know anything about braces 💀 they’ve studied humanity for like centuries or whatever, they’ve gotta know more about us that we do at this point lol

also, the “sand fish” thingies? made em up. think of a sea squirt.

enjoy!

summary: who knew that having braces could be kinda fun?

word count: 895

content: 18+, gn!reader, gn!yautja, pre-relationship, discussions of dentistry, arguing, warming up to each other, play fighting, my attempt at comedic writing

—

"So they are purely corrective?" Your alien... visitor asks, and you once again bat their clawed paw away from your mouth. They click, mandibles quivering in a manner you've come to learn as: Amusement. The ass.

For whatever reason, they've found your braces to be incredibly intriguing.

"Yeah, I guess. I certainly don't wear them for comfort." You laugh dryly, swatting away their paw once more before focusing on your work. Lately, they’ve been much more grabby, a far cry from when you first interacted with them when they wouldn’t even breathe near you for fear of contracting some “ooman virus”.

Whatever. Two could play that game. You avoided them like the plague— saying they had Space Yautja Flu— until they inevitably stopped being ridiculous.

Now they’re touchy and frequently invade your personal space. Recently the fascination has become your mouth. Double-edged sword, you suppose.

"Such an archaic form of medicine." The Yautja snorts, crossing their arms over their chest. They shake their head, pitying, "Yautja technology would remedy your teeth in a matter of minutes.”

"Well, it's too bad we don't have that, do we?" You snap, and it definitely strikes a nerve in your companion, because they literally roar at you— Mandibles flaring, ivy green tresses raising, and all. You flinch, even though you don’t mean to. Yautja get nasty when you show weakness. They back off with a low growl.

The only reason, really, that you are currently harboring a Yautja in your dining room as you try to type up a report for your boss is because their ship got stolen. A huge embarrassment for them. Maybe they shouldn’t have landed it in fucking Yosemite.

“Sorry, geez.” You mutter, clacking a bit harder at the keys of your laptop. It’s not your fault that Big Brother seized their ship, but it is a sore subject for them. You feel a bit bad. Shouldn’t’ve used that jab.

The Yautja says nothing for a long enough time that you nearly completely focus on your report again. Only the clock on the wall ticks, your keys clicking, and some light shuffling from the Yautja makes any noise. It’s peaceful— A rarity these days.

Halfway through the analysis section, you hear a door open somewhere in the house, followed by lumbering footsteps. Confused, you look to see that the Yautja had abandoned their spot next to you. Before you can call out, you hear a clatter quickly accompanied by a trill that tapers into rapid clicking.

“What the Hell are you doing?” You shout and the heavy footsteps fall closer and closer until the Yautja comes barreling around the corner. You jump when they leap next to you, their tresses swing wildly. Their green eyes are wide and bright, and their tusked jaws click together.

“What is this?” They ask, seemingly breathless, and you can barely process the question through their excitement before they thrust an object in your face. You have to stare down the bridge of your nose, and recognize the white metal contraption immediately.

“... My Waterpik?” You ask slowly, a quizzical look crossing your face as you stare at the device you use to clean up sometimes if the toothbrush or flossing missed some spots.

“The device plays like sand fish!” The Yautja exclaims, and they make that drawling, warbled trilling noise again, and it’s so strange, but you can’t help but smile. It must be the Yautja equivalent to laughing— to expressing joy. You tilt your head and ask, “Sand fish?”

“From childhood. As pups, we hunted the sand fish at Yautja Prime riverbanks, and when you grabbed them, they would squirt water at your eyes! Then we fileted and ate them. Very fun, very tasty.” The Yautja clicks so rapidly that you almost can’t follow what they say, but then they decide to make a case in point.

Before you can stop them, they’ve clicked and aimed the Waterpik at you, and the tiny jet stream of water hits you smack dab on the center of your forehead. You yelp, shielding your face with your arms only to get hit on the cheek and then on your side.

“Stop!” You can’t help but shriek in laughter, scrambling up from your chair to try and flee the unrelenting spurts of water. Big misstep. Yautja are hunters. You make it three steps— not even past the dining room table— until you’re seized by the arm. The large hand with its sharp claws wrap firm around your forearm, and your visitor all but pulls you back to them.

It’s a very... compromising position. The Yautja holds you against their body, their very toned thighs below your legs, your head against their chest. You look up at them, they look down at you. Your cheeks start to feel warm. They click their tusks together, and you catch sight of the forked tongue behind their secondary row of sharp teeth.

Then they start to purr. Then their mandibles relax, spreading wide and pink.

For a second, you expect the evening to take a very different turn...

... Which is then ruined when they spray you with the Waterpik, directly in your eyes. You shriek, closing your eyes, your hands blindly swatting at the Yautja’s reptilian-esque hide.

They take the opportunity to stick their clawed fingers in your mouth, victoriously trilling.

The fascination is lost on you.

#the predator #predator #aliens vs predator #avp #yautja #yautja fanfic #predator x reader #predator x you #predator x human #yautja x reader #yautja x you #yautja x human #gn!yautja #gn!reader

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aspecriddler · 1 year

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THEE Guide to Not Being a Punk Poser

Hey, so if you're reading this, you may or may not be looking to get into the punk scene, and you also may or may not be at a total loss on where to start

Well fear not! I am here with this little introduction post on how to Not Be A Poser (title pending)

FIRST UP: The Ideals

When it comes to the ideals of alternative subcultures, this graphic by @theygender (hope the tag is ok, lmk if it isn't) is the best summary I've ever seen

And if you're like me, you're solidly on the line between punk and grunge, but leaning just a bit more punk. This is fine /gen

Punk is about community. Punk is about fighting for a better future. Punk is about doing no harm and taking no shit. Punk is about looking out for the underdog. If you don't embody these values then you're not punk. The ideology of Punk is, in my opinion, the most important part of the subculture

But if you've been doing your research you already knew that. Now let's get into what a lot of people call the fun stuff: the music and the fashion

SECOND: The Music

There are a Lot of different subgenres of punk music, the most famous being punk rock and folk punk. I subscribe more to punk rock because I really enjoy fast music

Bands to look for include: Sex Pistols, Dead Kennedys, Pansy Division, Dog Park Dissidents, Cheap Perfume, Mommy Long Legs, Gang Green, The Germs, Rage Against the Machine, G.L.O.S.S., X-Ray Spex, The Cramps, Circle Jerks, Crass, Limp Wrist, and Pure Hell

Of course there's a lot more but those are some staples plus some of my personal favorites. You can find my personal punk playlist here

Overall the sound is Loud and it is Angry. There are many songs about killing cops and hating capitalism and it fucks. If you like funky basslines, sick ass drums, angry yelling, and shredding guitars this music is for you

PART THREE: The Fashion

Okay, okay, I had to save the quote unquote best for last. Imo the fashion of punk is the most diy out of almost any other subculture

Literally anything you can get your hands on can become fashion. Steal what you can, pick up shit off the side of the road, and if you can't/don't know how to do something get a friend in the scene to either teach you or commission them or something

Brands? The fuck is that, the only brands you need to know are Rit fabric dye, goodwill, etsy (sometimes), your local craft store, and a good spike maker (I don't deal with spikes currently so I have no good resources for them, so other punks feel free to chime in!)

Want cool metal shit? Take apart cans and turn them into spikes. Take a lighter apart and use those metal bits. Steal safety pins from walmart.

Want/need to sew something? Yarn and a tapestry needle if you can't get/don't want to use dental floss. When sewing patches do a straight stitch around followed by a hobo stitch around again and that shit will stay forever. Alternatively pin patches on with safety pins, this works pretty well in a pinch

Fabric paint is your best friend!!! Start with a white base layer and the colors will be much more vibrant. Don't think you have painting skills? Doesn't matter, you're punk and you have the audacity to wear whatever you make with pride

Invest in a leather jacket. I don't mean in terms of money, I got mine at goodwill for ten bucks. But it will change your life. I recommend getting two: one to keep plain and one to diy. Also flannels are good for diy and can also be made into vests for warm weather very easily.

Both of these flannels I decorated myself in a matter of hours. If I can do it, so can you

Also! When you cut the sleeves off of a flannel you can use the extra fabric to make diy pockets :3

PART FOUR: Community and Conclusion

So this is kind of my close out section lol

I'm not sure what kind of discord communities exist for true punk culture, so if anyone has one they wanna promote feel free

Do some research on local punk bands in your area, get your friends together and diy outfits for a concert, or just to wear. The world is your punk oyster, and as long as you or other people aren't getting hurt you can do whatever you want forever

Plz use this post to find other punks so we can start gaining more community (I'm totally not desperate lol)

#punk

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judasgot-it · 1 year

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Tachihara x Reader

Scenario: You get a ride home with Tachihara after attending a company party. On the way back, you decide to attend a shitty pop-up carnival

I had this in my drafts for like over 2 months so I just wanted to like, finally finish it. I think it's silly and idk not the best, still figuring out how to write Tachihara TBH but I think he's a cutie patootie.

Side note this is like 3500 words ?? it's kinda long for tumblr but ima upload it anyway

As the secretary of the Hunting Dogs, you were unfortunately forced to attend their company parties.

If there was someone else in your department, you would have loved to complain to them about how this was 'unfair' and a 'worker's violation' as you were not even being paid to attend these.

Off the clock.

But no one else was dumb enough to take this job, so you were the only person in your department. Seriously, you did the paperwork for 5 people.

The dental was amazing, though.

But that left you as the only 'sane' person forced to witness the antics of the Hunting Dogs while they were drunk. Really, you forced to watch them sober, since you couldn't ever get more than a drink in before the drinking contest began.

You would think Tecchou would be better than this but as of now, he was doing karaoke with the commander while Teruko was laughing at...nothing. She was somehow standing though, which was better than Fukuchi who was shirtless and kneeling on the floor while singing whatever song was playing.

You could barely tell what it was, it might've been Taylor Swift. He seemed...passionate.

If you had to hear whatever sad song it was all night you were going to make your ears bleed.

Although thankfully, you had a backup plan. You couldn't drive - your car was destroyed in a recent bombing attack, so you were lucky that your bed for tonight was your desk.

Which was on the other side of the building, probably far enough away to at least let you sleep quietly.

You could probably get away with it. No one here would notice.

So you took your snacks - which were probably the best thing about these parties, and left for what would be your bedroom

Exiting the room, you could see now that it was quiet and kind of terrifying - a liminal space.

The hallway was now darker than it should have been, settled in an uneasy quiet. The lights above your head had sobered you up quickly, as you walked away from the room, leaving the sounds of laughter and screaming.

You felt something warm pull your shoulder to look behind you. The reaction you had might have been dramatic.

"Are you ok? You aren't scared are you?"

Tachihara was there, smiling as he looked perfectly sober - he didn't even smell of any alcohol, holding a juice box instead.

Now you felt a real fear coursing through your veins. He was going to say something, wasn't he?

"No, I was just heading out."

You weren't shaken easily - unsettled yes, but not truly scared.

"Do you want a ride home?" He said it with a genuine smile, not knowing the genuine terror that was running through your veins right now.

You really did care about Tachihara, as he was probably the most normal member of the Hunting Dogs, but there was one flaw you could not get around.

He drove a motorcycle. You hated motorcycles.

It was nothing short of terrifying every time you saw him riding it, let alone the thought of you getting on it. How could you? It was nothing short of a death trap.

There were no seatbelts either, there was just too much that could possibly kill you.

"No that's ok. I didn't plan on going home anyway, I was going to sleep in my office."

It sounded weird saying it outloud, but you were not going to let him take you on a ride on his deathtrap.

Tachihara just blinked.

"Really? Isn't it closed off still for cleaning?"

Oh. Right.

"Then the lounge. I can manage. Seriously, don't worry about me, just get yourself home, ok? I don't want to be a bother when it's so late."

You tried to sound serious, but Tachihara was still a man that had major flaws. His right now? Being too kind.

A good flaw, but a painful one to fight.

"No it's ok, you aren't a bother. Seriously, your house isn't far off from mine, it'd be very quick I swear."

He was earnest, already leading you in the opposite direction of where you were originally going. You decided not to fight it.

Home was better than a dirty floor anyway, so why not?

You let him guide you to where his vehicle of death was waiting, accepting your fate.

It would be a short ride, so you would just have to suffer through it for only a little bit. That's what you told yourself.

"Oh, Jouno! What are you doing out here?"

Oh god oh please no.

Just at your greatest inconvenience, you found Jouno outside the building, right in front of the parking lot, sitting right at the smoker's bench. His white head of hair peaked from underneath the overhang, nearly impossible to ignore.

"Oh, Tachihara. Are you heading home?"

"Yeah, I was bringing Y/n home too. Do you need a ride? I can't help but notice you're sitting here by yourself..."

Tachihara was too kind. You were already forced to accept his offer, but please, Jouno could take care of himself-

"Tachihara have I ever told you that you're one of the only people I respect on the team?"

Jouno had gotten up, strolling over to where the two of you stood underneath the light. You hated this. Jouno definitely was going to tease you about how scared you were, which was not fun at all.

Also, how were three people going to fit on his bike? It wasn't exactly the biggest, and shoving you between two full-grown men didn't seem ideal.

"Are you sure we're all going to fit? I could just go back inside or call a ride."

You said this in hopes of maybe getting out of it one last time. Jouno just laughed.

"Aw, are you scared?"

Tachihara, the angel that he was, reached over and patted your shoulder.

"You'll have me and Jouno. Know I won't let anything happen to you - swear on it."

"You swear on what?"

Tachihara paused, contemplating his next words.

"Um...my sword."

You raised your eyebrow at him. He patted your shoulder again, trying to put your unease to rest.

"Let's just go."

Jouno walked ahead, towards what will be your sudden demise. You tried to stay calm following behind them as you saw the death trap in waiting.

Tachihara walked towards its side, taking the helmet he had let hang on its handlebar, and gently placed it on top of your head. You didn't bother fighting him, looking to the side as he fiddled with the clasps underneath your chin.

"You probably need this the most. Don't worry though, I'm a safe driver."

"It's not that - what if there's a drunk driver and they hit us? What if I fall off? What if we're all too heavy and we can't turn properly and we crash and explode?"

You felt a hand land on your shoulder as your heart pumped through your ears. Your fear was starting to overwhelm you.

"Don't be a pussy Y/n. Get on, I'd like to go home."

That was really reassuring. Thanks, Jouno.

You straightened up, holding your sandwiches closer to your chest. Tachihara sat on the bike, patting the seat behind him.

You got on, pressing your body behind Tachihara's. You didn't know what to do with your arms, so you just clutched your sandwiches. They were your sense of comfort right now.

"Y/n, you'll fall off if you don't hold onto something."

Oh. With one arm, you grabbed Tachihara's waist, trying your best to keep your head up and look forward.

"Scoot forward."

You felt Jouno sit behind you, pressing you closer against Tachihara. You felt his hand sneak around you, stealing from your sandwich bag. Bastard.

You swatted him away, trying not to fall off. It led to you leaning your full body on Tachihara, who was taking a long time to put his keys in the ignition.

"Did you forget how to drive Tachihara? I'm getting a little cold back here."

Jouno said this with a mouthful of your sandwich. He chastises manners but here he was, a thief and a brat.

"Who said you could have my sandwiches?"

"They aren't yours, know your place Y/n."

"You didn't even stay to eat any of them so shut up-"

The bike started, to Tachihara's joy. You felt the fear course back through your body again, but you didn't get to dwell on it it again as he only kicked back the leg and started bike, not giving you even a chance to adjust yourself.

You tried to hold your head up and stay strong, not show weakness - but the wind picking up around you and all you could do was bury your head behind Tachihara.

You heard Tachihara and Jouno begin a conversation but you didn't even acknowledge it, not even the sandwich stealing anymore as you held onto the man before you as if your life depended on it. Hopefully, his surgeries were enough to protect against your iron grip, as it was the only thing that made you truly feel safe.

The ride wasn't even a full 5 minutes but you felt like you were in hell that whole time. You'd think being pressed against two men like this would be more romantic but you didn't feel that way, instead feeling bile rise up in your throat every time you all turned.

"That stupid carnival is back in the city. I can smell it from all the way over here."

You perked up at that. Jouno had his head up, his hands loosely holding onto your waist - this type of ride really did seem normal to him, as he just looked out somewhere, eating his sandwich.

"Oh that seems fun. Do you wanna go? They stay open pretty late."

Jouno scoffed.

"No, they absolutely reek. I also happen to value my sleep, unlike some people." The people you assumed he was referring to were his teammates, who were most likely either passed out drunk or still singing their godawful karaoke.

"Why don't you and Y/n go, I know you absolutely love carnival rides, don't you Y/n?"

Your heart was speeding up. That was terrifying - you hated the idea of any of that.

"Who says I don't like my sleep either, Jouno?"

"I'd like to go! C'mon, it'd be fun! We can go on rides, maybe we'll even arrest someone!"

Tachihara was being so positive tonight. It was almost suspicious. It was tempting to say yes just because of his attitude alone, but there was that funny feeling in your stomach at the thought of it.

"But what if the ride breaks down and we all get crushed or fall out and die?"

You were simply being realistic.

"I'm a hunting dog, Y/n. I can handle something like that easily. Plus, if that happened Jouno would be there, right?"

"I'm not a chaperone for your little kiddie date. You can handle things by yourselves, the worst is just you guys getting scammed."

Finally, you'd stopped to drop off Jouno. He could've walked this distance, although maybe he had something to gain from the ride. Like your food, which was now all gone.

All you had left was an empty bag, the absolute prick that he was. He also left you a cold back, since you were squished between him and Tachihara during the duration of your ride. From his smirk, as he was walking away, waving goodbye to the two of you, he knew how agitated he had left you.

It made you pull yourself closer to Tachihara, trying to steal his body warmth in order to recoup what had been lost. Tachihara coughed, adjusting himself so the two of you could have more space on the bike.

"So? Let's go to the carnival."

It was a way to break the silence the two of you had fallen into. He said it was a confident smile, as if he practiced this in the mirror twenty times before. You simply nodded, not knowing how to reply.

He revved up the bike, heading in its direction. You didn't know what to say to get out of this, since a part of you did want to go.

It'd be like a fun date, even if you couldn't say that out loud.

"I'm scared of rollercoasters."

You told him honestly. You hoped he wouldn't judge you, seeing as he was a very earnest man.

"I figured. Don't worry, we'll conquer your fear tonight. Exposure therapy does wonders, and plus? I'll be there the entire time, so it's not like you'll be alone."

You said nothing, just holding his waist firmly. This seemed like a better idea than what you had originally planned for tonight, so why not? You could trust Tachihara.

He stopped the bike, in some lot a little walk away from the carnival. You could hear the pop music and screams coming from the place.

Turning towards you, he gave you a warm smile.

"If anything does happen, I'll be sure to protect you, ok?"

You handed him the helmet, giving him a smile. You did appreciate the gesture, as much as it was well-intentioned. That didn't stop you from not wanting to rip your own teeth out of your mouth as you got off the bike and forced yourself the walk towards the carnival, and not away.

"How expensive are these places anyway? I don't actually know if I have my wallet on me."

"Oh don't worry, we aren't paying."

Oh?

Tachihara turned towards you, a strange look on his face. One you would associate with Teruko or Jouno - a grin that typically held ill intentions.

Mischief.

What was this man dragging you into?

Well, turns out - dubiously legal activities.

Being a hunting dog had its perks. For one thing, his government ID assured him discounts everywhere he went. It was great when he went grocery shopping - you would know, you abused Fukuchi's credit card as a perk of your job.

Although telling the ticketing staff that he was 'inspecting' the rides, and would arrest anyone who didn't comply with his orders, hardly counted as getting a 'free' discount.

You were now forced to play along with this. You didn't even know Tachihara had such a cruel side to him, bullying a bunch of carnival workers who just wanted to get a paycheck by making fun of teenagers and out-of-touch men in their 40s.

It was a hard job to have, obviously.

The staff stalked the two of you as you walked in, giving you goosebumps. It didn't help that the two of you were still in your work clothes, really selling the 'government inspection' that the two of you were giving.

Although by the end of the night, you were expecting your clothing to probably need a good dry cleaning.

The fair wasn't bad - but you could smell vomit near some of the rides, and they looked suspiciously rusty. Clearly, this place was in tip-top shape. You just had to convince yourself that the Ferris wheel wasn't making suspicious creaking sounds every time it started up again.

You clearly were just a bit paranoid.

"So what should we ride first? I'm thinking we start small and then build our way up."

Tachihara had his hands on his hips, looking around for the best ride to start. He was being nice at least, giving you the illusion of choice now that you've gotten this far.

You were stuck. It didn't matter what you did, you were the idiot that agreed.

"I'm ok with that. I don't think the hand gliders look that bad, they seem pretty tame."

It also featured a seatbelt. And a big, nice, safety bar.

The best part? It was a two-seated ride. So if something happened on that ride, you knew that Tachihara would be there with you.

Tachihara smiled, as clearly, this would be a good night for him.

The night was going about as great as you expected it to. Although, you could even say a little better, even.

If this were a date, you might have kissed Tachihara by the end of it. You sure as hell owed him something at the very least, as he had now been your human cushion on several rides, preventing you from being crushed against the greasy metal as they began.

It was a good thing he was a hunting dog. Your body weight against his was nothing to him, although he still felt like complaining once and a while about how much pain you put his ribs in.

As if you were the one with the bright idea to go here.

If he died because you crushed him to death, it was entirely his fault and his fault alone.

"You know what we need to do?"

You watched as he pointed at the ferris wheel - one that loomed over the carnival, due to it's sheer height. Seriously, how tall was that thing?

"I mean...yeah."

There were no arguments against him here. You've gone on every other ride already - you've even ridden the carousel 3 times. Tachihara used the excuse that you were 'inspecting the ride' for imperfections.

You were starting to think he was serious at some point, when he spent 5 minutes grilling a poor fair worker about the importance of safety and on how rusty their bolts were.

There was no time to dwell on that though - Tachihara was smiling as he dragged you to the last stop at the carnival of doom.

"I heard some kid saying that from the top they could see the entire city. That sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?"

He was smiling ear to ear.

You couldn't deny that offer when he looked like that.

So with your head in your heart, you let yourself be dragged through the motions, letting it drop to your stomach as you watched the city fall below you as your body raised to the sky.

You tried to stay at ease even as you were slowly raised higher and higher into the sky, the cart you were sat in shaking back and forth more than you were comfortable with.

It made you scoot closer to Tachihara, squeezing him as if he were your lifeline. He might as well be, since his body would survive a fall at this height while yours would splatter.

"Look! You can see headquarters over there."

He was pointing outward, towards a rather dark spot of the city. But it was visible, which to you felt amazing.

Also terrifying.

You clutched his arm tighter. As insurance.

He was also incredibly warm - it was cold so high up, and unfortunately, your work uniform did not account for this. You were practically trying to melt into him due to how cold you were, but you still had some pride left. You would suffer a little, having your exposed skin go numb from the cold.

"Hey, Y/n. I wanna tell you something."

"Are you going to kiss me?"

It was the perfect moment for it, really. You couldn't blame him. Everything was screaming that this was a "how I met your mother" moment anyway.

"What? Sorry. Um. No. Just-"

Tachihara looked at you, red in the face. He pushed you into his chest, holding you tight. If you squeaked, that was between you, him and the ferris wheel.

"I think I like you."

You blinked. Your hands were awkwardly held up around Tachihara, not knowing where to go. You could feel him awkwardly fidgeting with the fabric on your shoulders in your silence, as you tried to figure out a way to respond.

The ferris wheel creaked in the silence, keeping the two of you alone up top, watching the city.

"Um. I like you too, Tachihara."

You put your hands on his waist, feeling just below his ribcage. He was skinny for a guy, but you could still feel his strength.

"But how much?"

"How much?"

"How much do you like me?"

You huffed, gripping his uniform shirt and pulling him away. His eyes were almost wet with worry as he looked at you, trying to discern what you meant by your words. Fucking idiot.

"Enough to deal with this. And enough to want to kiss you."

You cupped his cheeks with your hands, looking him dead in his honey eyes. His gaze was dead set, looking right at you, not even at the city that was behind you.

"Kiss me. I'm not asking again."

You closed your eyes and waited until you felt his cold lips press against yours, finally obliging your order. It was all enough to distract you from how your stomach dropped at the thought of being so high up in the air, as now your stomach was dropping at his hands reaching down to touch your waist, his knees knocking against yours as he tried to pull you closer.

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x y/n #tachihara x reader #tachihara x you #tachihara x y/n #theres a bit of jouno in here too #but hes just being regular jouno tbh #sorry i should really upload this to ao3 #but umm yea

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lookismfanfics · 10 months

Note

idk if ur requests r open but zach lee has such a little amount of fanfics so I just wanted to request a zach lee x fem! reader who has long hair that reaches her thighs and zach asks to braid her hair and after they share their first kiss. If u don't wanna do this it's OK! I hope ur doing well! 👋🏼

Your wish is my command! This actually gave me inspiration just as I was getting burnout. Thank you anon!

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Zack Lee x Fem!Reader

Notes: Reader has long hair. SFW.

ꨄ Zack tried to act disinterested in your most prominent feature.

ꨄ He didn’t want to bring it up, in fear that you would reject him. But as your relationship grew stronger…

ꨄ Zack couldn’t deny it any longer. He wanted to touch your hair really badly. He just had no clue how to ask if- you know.

ꨄ He stared at you from his slumped position on your bed. Your hair really framed your face perfectly, in his not-so-humble opinion.

ꨄ Long and elegant, draping down to your thighs. You were grumbling to yourself about the knots that you couldn’t get out and the strain of putting it up. Your complaints fell on listening ears.

ꨄ Zack tilted his head and adjusted his sunglasses.

ꨄ “Do you… need some help?”

ꨄ You turn to him, taken aback by the sudden offer. 🤨

ꨄ “Uhm, yeah. Actually. Do you know how to braid?”

ꨄ Zack, per usual, was not one to give up. He’d practice with pieces of string, dental floss, grumbling angrily to himself whenever he messed up.

ꨄ The first braid he ever did on your hair had turned out… decent. He told you shamefully that you could re-do it if you didn’t like it.

ꨄ Of course you kept it in all day, leaving him red faced and full of pride.

ꨄ He was just glad he got to touch your hair-

ꨄ Still. If he’s going to be doing this on a regular basis, he wants to become at least decent at the art of braiding.

Zack’s fingers once again pull on your scalp, followed by a string of hushed apologies. Your strands of hair fit awkwardly between his bashed up hands as he attempts to weave it in accordance to his memory. You heard Zack sigh distastefully and grumble to himself before fingering at your hair again. You crane your neck to try to catch a glimpse of what he’s finished so far. “No wait— hold still!”

“Oh, okay. Sorry.” You have to purse your lips and close your eyes to avoid smiling. Zack looks like the most adorable, albeit serious, puppy behind you; staring down at your hair with wide, focused eyes and an earnest expression. More gentle tugs on your scalp. You don’t even bother reprimanding him for it since it no longer hurts. You just continue staring ahead until he finishes. “Okay…” he announces. You can practically feel the hesitation radiating off of him. “What do you think?”

Zack’s handiwork has drastically improved. A beautifully woven fish braid drapes your back as you preen in the mirror. A smile breaks out on your face that you can’t resist. “It looks great Zack! Thank you…!”

He smirks at that, nodding to himself and mumbling about what a good boyfriend he is. “Y-Yeah. It was nothing.”

You could say this whole learning-how-to-braid experience has made you both more comfortable about physical interactions. You wrap your arms around Zack and nuzzle into his sweater. “Thank you.” Zack feels a little lightheaded, daring to graze his lips against the crown of your head. “No problem.”

You feel your blood pressure rising, and tilt your head to meet Zack’s gaze. It takes a few intense seconds before he takes the initiative to caress your face with his hand. “Is that type of braid okay though?” He asks earnestly, tilting his head slightly. “Because I learned a couple others if you want me to re-do it.” “It’s perfect babe,” you assure him. Zack smiles confidently, leaning in a little closer. A hue of pink rolls over his cheeks. “Good.” If possible, he leans even closer.

You meet him in the middle.

#I’m loosing my mind just a little~#So why don’t you just meet me in the middle #lookism #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #lookism x reader #I’m so sorry for that song reference I shouldn’t-#Zack Lee #zack lee fluff #zack lee x reader #Zack Lee x fem!reader #Fem!reader #Lookism x female reader

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cubezart · 6 months

Note

Hi!! You totally don't know me at all, I'm a complete stranger >:) And I'd love to hear about Jim's mental world!!

HI ok so erm this is mostly just gonna be a mess of rambles and vague ideas smushed together barely in order but

(old/outdated concept sketch, but it's a good start)

for starters, the prime issue(s) to help resolve in his mental world (or this version at least) is jim's fear of burdening his friends and family, and his resistance to reaching out for help, as much as he really needs it. it doesn't get too deep into his trauma, it's just giving jim the push he needs to seek out help again

after jim's recent divorce with bettie, he's been trying to give his family "some space to process" ...which didn't take long to sink back into old self isolation habits. he's been putting his all into his job to repress and distract from everything else going on with him, and it doesn't seem like it'll work for very much longer

first area in his mind is a boring + extremely tiny office room, the other cubicles are all empty and open except for jim's, which has a big metal door attached to the entrance. you can try and talk to him or ask him things, but it won't get you much . he insists he's happier in there really !! its so nice and safe hes fine :) its ok :)

when asked why he's locked in, he'll insist it's for his own safety, saying some vague stuff while the clairvoyance hints become even more obvious. when you use clairvoyance on him, his POV shows the cubicle door and everywhere around it surrounded by nightmares clawing and staring at him from the other side. (something something these are all just his own perception of things and he's really not in danger)

afterwards, his dialogue tree gets pretty short and limited, leaving raz to explore !! there's a few doors you can interact with, one being just a simple archetype-required door with a little collectible or somethin. the other is an old n dusty storage closet filled with memory vaults piling up to the ceiling. you can't really interact with any of those individually, (maybe some raz line along the lines of "i can't punch through all those :( ") but there's one or two real ones that just seem to have completely mundane and normal memories inside. weird! cuz with cpstd n trauma memory loss/repression, it can repress a lot more than what's necessary

there's one last door to try, leading out into the next phase ! raz says goodbye to jim, and jim happily waves back as the door shuts n locks behind raz, and the hallway distorts and extends, distancing raz away too :( sorta like the effect in the pn2 office construct !! im taking a lot of inspo from that world tbh heehe except for the obvious yknow. dental stuff

the next phase is kind of a messy stub for now, still sorting n planning out everything in my head lol but it's called Jim's Judgement

it centers more around jim's trauma and Issues TM and a lot of it is more vague concepts than any real gameplay ideas for the more dark story elements bc i don't want raz to have to see that and like to think after raz gets him a head start, he gets into actual professional Psychonauts therapy (and for my own silly oc/canon interaction fun, its sasha and milla assigned to help him. perhaps. maybe. they almost assigned oleander but he yelled too much and scared him away /hj) ANYWAY!!

all that being said i honestly have 0 ideas how to tone shit down for raz and im still trying to plan out the smaller in-game per se variation on it so i will simply. wait to talk about it. there's a lot of cool symbolism and motifs i prommy i swear </3 but the main "boss fight" final moment thing surrounds his whole paranoia of being a horrible person who others only tolerate + he constantly has to "make up for it" by putting everything and everyone Before him. i really wanna end it back in the small office space with jim having the key on his desk this whole time, making it literally In His Hands to get himself out. he just needed the support! he's definitely scared and slow, but he opens the door and steps out of his cubicle. the room grows a little bit. its a start

i was gonna ramble more about the darker version of the second phase but this post is already gettin Long and kinda incoherent i think so ermm. ill split it off into a second post probably if anyones interested in hearing more . i hope this all made sense lol i have too many thoughts about him to keep together honestly

#🟩 the cube speaks #🐟 my art #asks #psychonauts oc #jim monday #mental world #sorry in advance to strangers seeing this in the tags /hj

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pruning-the-minds-garden · 2 months

Text

Personal and mental health stuff under the cut. Lots of not pretty relationship stuff. It's not drama, just two married people working through things.

Okay so finally spoke up to my wife about the things that have been bothering me for the past several months. She initially took it pretty okay, thanked me for bringing it up and said she had to think about it before she would really have an answer to some of it - which, given the nature of what I brought up, is perfectly fair - but... well.

One ongoing issue in our relationship is kink. She has gotten more and more negative on it as time has gone on, going from openly hostile to curious to ambivalent to closed. That recommends to suspicion that the openness was not ever really a thing, that she was forcing herself there out of a desire to please me, and that trying it was never going to work because she fundamentally believes that hypnokink is nonconsensual and her statements in her first angry rant to me that she questions my morality because I am interested in it, questions her safety because I'm interested in what she views as rape... are in some quarter of her mind still her truth. That is only confirmed - or if not confirmed, because this is a conclusion based on an absence of evidence, then recommended to suspicion - by deliberate word choices and omissions in our conversation after that. Specifically, the things she would say she thought I was not and the things she didn't say that she thought I was not.

And, the other major problem is that while she emotionally and vocally supports my transition... the more I do, the less connected to her I feel. The less she reaches out, the less she seeks any sort of physical contact or connection, and the more we feel like Roommates+. I voiced this to her, and yeah she said she'd have to think about it, but also later voiced anger that I was open about exploring and researching aspects of my transition but hadn't talked with her about them, that I sounded like I'd made a decision (specifically regarding HRT) and hadn't talked to her about it. I have not made that decision and was just doing research to confirm a point brought up by a gender therapist I was talking to on the phone regarding my insurance specifically not covering anything related to gender dysphoria, and was looking at what that meant for any future options I might have. I have done some research regarding HRT, but nothing remotely resembling a decision has been made in that regard and yeah, I'd talk to her before anything like that was made.

Still, that she was mad about that and, like... the tone of that... it bothered me. The post she was referring to only happened maybe five hours prior to our conversation and I was at work the whole time, so we'd not seen one another in the interim or had an opportunity to talk about it. Of course I would not make a decision in a couple hours, that is just not who I am. Add to that, that she then pivoted to other medical issues going on right now that I well know about - dental stuff that badly needs to get handled but which is expensive because ✨LuXuRy BoNeS✨ - but which legit do make kissing me somewhat unpleasant. I get that, and I also feel really self-conscious about it. I also want to fix it, but when the cost of fixing it is such that it would financially cripple us and render us unable to pay our rent, car note, etc... yeah, I just don't.

Of course it sucks, and it hurts a lot, and it might kill me. I know all that. I'm the one feeling the pain and facing the risk so I know that quite well... but she has been unable to get a job because of crippling fear and anxiety and I'm doing the best I can with what I have, so here we are. I need to keep a roof over our heads for as long as I can, food in the fridge for as long as I can, and the lights on for as long as I can, and if medium-term needs have to be sacrificed in the name of that then that's a trade I have to make and deal with the consequences of when they happen. I don't like it, but I have no other options. I have been prodding her to varying degrees for maybe three years now about jobs, and now she's in therapy for this specific issue, but TBH although this issue has improved a little everything else has suffered at the same time. I'm basically doing 2/3 of the housework in addition to making 3/3 of the income right now, because her mental state - I don't know what or if it relates to a specific diagnosis - is such that she spends most days sleeping and/or sewing, watching YouTube, stuff like that. When I wake up I manage both of our meds, feed the cats, make coffee for both of us, wake her up the four times it takes to get her to wake up, and dress and get ready for work. Then I work all day, come home, do the dishes, clean the apartment, and manage our meds for the evening. On the weekends it is similar but I also handle vacuuming and/or the cats' litter boxes. She handles grocery shopping and dinner most nights, though a lot of nights - probably too many - we order in.

I love her deeply, and want her to be happy. I give more and more to this relationship, but it feels like the more I give the deeper the well gets. I just don't know where to go from here. That's not even getting into the sexual side of things because that's a can of worms unto itself... anyway I'm just... yeah.

Last night I expressed that I felt lonely and tired, that I noticed she was growing more and more disconnected from me, and more and more distant. That she only sought out touch when she wanted me to help her sleep or it was her habit to hold me hand in a given situation, and she routinely ignored when *I* asked for the same thing, or gave it in only perfunctory amounts. So, I stopped asking, because it was clear it was a burden to her and not something she actually enjoyed doing. Which is what led to the whole conversation. I wanted to know why she had disconnected from us, and she said she needed to think about that.

Which, now that I've written all that down, kinda scares me. I'm going to let that fear settle down for now and give her space to think before I react, though, because that's the fair thing to do. Still... I feel how I feel, and how I feel is very not great right now.

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nobodysdaydreams · 6 months

Text

If Cutter and his little girlfriend are going to space, does that mean they're gonna get their hands chopped off too? (Also it looks like Duck Boy might be going for a redemption arc! Go Duck Boy Go!)

(or my reaction to Episode 47 and mini Episode 14 of Wolf359)

Welcome back dear readers! I managed to get another episode in as I pack for my vacation. Please enjoy!

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom

Episode 47: Into the Depths

I love Hera's narration, and I love the thought experiment. It reminds me of split brain patients. (For those who don't know what a split brain patient is, or haven't taken a psych class, if we were to surgically cut your corpus collosum (the part of the brain the connects your hemispheres), your consciousness would split and there would basically be two of you sharing one body (but same memories, personality, intelligence, etc.). This is only done if there are life-threatening seizures in the area and removing it is the only way to stop them, but it's an interesting thought experiment because if there are suddenly two of you, what happened to the one?)

And... now Doug is freaking out. I guess the slaps aren't working.

"You will understand Hera." Shut it Whiskey Boy! This also makes me wonder how many "Hera's" we've seen.

Kepler: "I have no idea what's going on Doug, but I just can't stop being ominous. I swear I don't know what's happening, this is just how I talk at all times."

Conan and Clippy? 😂 The names Lovelace gives them.

Yes. Kepler was rude Lovelace. He had so much Whisky and did he share it? No. No he didn't. Selfish.

Ah it seems even you weren't in the loop Jacobi. Perhaps you might fancy a mutiny now?

She doesn't know she's a clone? That's cruel. Think of Jacobi! He died thinking he was the real Duck boy! That's an awful way to go. No one should die believing they're someone so cringe.

Warm up act? Kepler, shut up. And what other clones have shown up over the years? Cutter? Pryce?

Good question. What about Jacobi? Was HE going to die too?

Kepler: "Start listening to me. The only person who knows what's happening." You're just blackmailing them Kepler, you're not good for much other than threatening people and swirling around your Whisky.

Weapon designed to appeal to humanity? But...how do you know she's a weapon? And how do you know she can't fight it even if she is? Maybe Lovelace is stronger than the evil aliens! If they even are evil.

TELL HIM HERA! TELL HIM!

Jacobi: "What could motivate me?"

Me: *Holds up a duck*

Ah blue part of the star. 💙💫 That does seem to be important. Scary, but important.

"Jacobi, any thoughts?" When does he have any?

His hands are shaking? Oh yeah, your friend died, you killed someone, and your boss who lies to people (GASP) LIED TO YOU TOO! Oh if only SOMEBODY could have seen this coming. Really, anybody with ears and a brain.

Oh right. The other Jacobi. This entire time he hasn't been sure? AND HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FEAR FEELS LIKE? It's a NEW FEELING FOR HIM???

I guess everyone has their limit. Duck Boy needs a therapist. A team of therapists. The best therapists, and even then, I'm not sure it will be enough.

"You don't know what working at Goddard is really like" "You have a cool dental plan. Hooray." "It's not about that."

So...they do have a good dental plan? 🪥🦷

"Going new places. Meeting interesting people....LITTLE KIDS?"

Kepler. You didn't. NO. Oh my gosh they have Anne and Minkowski's husband at gunpoint don't they? And they don't even know.

Punch his lights out Doug. Good job.

Though to be fair that IS what working at Goddard seems to be about. Threatening the innocent for a 0.0000000000001% chance that you MIGHT get something out of this in the end.

Poor Lovelace. Hera knows what you're going through though. Exactly, see she does!

"Nobody do anything stupid" it's too late for that Kepler, you're here.

Good speech Lovelace! And nice punch!

"Can we get a break" Nope. Sadly no.

Huh. Hands are glowing. That's...interesting. Maybe she has some cool magic space powers? Is it too much to hope for?

Oh. It's the Dear Listeners. Well. Hello. 👋

Hush up Kepler. 😂 I love how they still talk like Doug.

That's right Kepler. Violence doesn't give you authority!

DISARMING HIM! DOES THAT MEAN HE IS LOSING HIS ARMS!

But...if he doesn't have any hands...

Then...how will he enjoy the feel of the Whisky in his hands?

Doug is hiding 😂 Why is Doug me?

What process are they talking about? “The door won't stay open, we are waiting.” Waiting for what? For what?

Well, at least the aliens don't like Kepler. That's a positive in my book. 👍

Glad Kepler and Jacobi are in custody. But...how exactly are they gonna put the handcuffs on Kepler if he no longer has hands...

Yeah, Minkowski, I'm with Lovelace. You SHOULD be in command. I know you think you're doing what is right, but Lovelace is an alien so...

DOUG. DO NOT SAY THAT THINGS CAN'T GET WORSE. TRUST ME THEY CAN.

Who is this? What is this? Who is Cline? Who is Jordan? What is this? Dr. what now? This is a lot of characters.

Full read out? Minkowski better send them a message warning them about Cutter. USS Hermes? OH NO THEY'RE NOT CALLING MINKOWSKI THEY'RE CALLING CUTTER. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

Who is this? Who is the robot? Expunge the records? Ah yes, the black achieves. Oh Rachel.

"Say hi for me?" Hi to who? HERA oh no ew Pryce isn't it.

TRAVELING???

Please tell me Pryce and Cutter aren't coming to space. Unless it's to get blown up. In that case, they are welcome.

Mini Episode 14: One of Them

Oh they are listening to Jacobi and Kepler.

Looks like Jacobi might fancy a mutiny now.

Doug is me, I want snacks too 😂

"are you worried I can't get around Eiffel?" "Hey!" again, why is Doug me. 😂

Wow, Jacobi really DID care about Maxwell. Well then. Maybe the two of you shouldn't have been working for the bad guys then.

"What kind of officer have you been?" DANG DUCK BOY. GET THAT REDEMPTION ARC. GO DUCK BOY GO! 🦆

"I feel used. I feel experimented on. You treated me like one of them!"

Oh Duck Boy. Sweet silly little Duck Boy. Don't you get it? You've always been one of them. You, Hilbert, Maxwell, Kepler, even Rachel. You've always been one of them.

"You're addicted to gambling with people's lives and you lost!" EXACTLY!

"Neither one of us killed Maxwell." LIES! YOU COULD HAVE STOOD DOWN!

Jacobi is starting to realize that's not necessarily true. Good for him.

"I had my orders." So did Maxwell. So did Hilbert. So did Jacobi.

"You're just the middle link in the food chain" EXACTLY! YEEEESSSSSS!!! DUCK BOY IS FINALLY GETTING IT! AND THANK GOODNESS SOMEONE FINALLY IS BECAUSE HILBERT NEVER COULD! DUCK BOY! YOU'RE DOING IT! WADDLE YOUR WAY TO THAT REDEMPTION LITTLE DUCKLING! YOU CAN DO IT! 🐣

Thanks for reading dear readers. Sorry I didn’t have time to react to more, but I hope you enjoyed this!

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carriedreamerxx · 14 days

Text

"Smile"

A brief reflective essay by Carriedreamer

******

There is something... Extraordinary about reclaiming something that was stolen from you as a child.

Something you didn't have any control over.

Something you tried so desperately every day to fix, trick after trick, remedy after remedy. Online or from books.

Something you begged on your knees for. Hands clasped, desperation in your voice as you saw the judging nonchalant cruelty only adolescence ... Puberty and finally teen years was capable of.

You begged. You pleaded. You bargained.

To no avail and then you were out.

You were out on a cold February morning lost and terrified.

You were out with a bag of necessities and a little else.

You were out with a mask and the fear of the unknown as you caught your family's gaze in the silence that was Quarantine.

You were staring in a mirror, wishing with all your might this last trick would do the task you were so desperate for it to do as you began a life that was new.

Again.

You closed your eyes and took the needles, the drills, you squeezed the arm rests and told those around you to do one thing.

Save your smile.

It took a year.

A long...long year of appointments, of tears, of curses, of broken hearts and equally broken voices. It took competing against an invisible clock that's chime still emanated through the air.

Tick. Tock.

Every visit found something new. A memory you'd long shelved, of pain that had abruptly vanished one night, another day at the breakfast table whispering your mouth really really hurt...

Momma... Can't we go?

No they're evil and take all our money. It's a scam. I'm a nurse I know better than you.

Each memory. Each wisp. One by one. Week after week. Month after month. Bill after Bill.

But you can't stop.

She cost you everything.

But she's not taking away the one thing she never stole.

Drills. Water. Lasers. Putty.

Tears. Hand squeezes. The rancid taste of a mint long past it's prime.

You're fine. You're doing so good.

Raise your hand if you feel anything.

We can get through this.

One week. Two weeks.

Three weeks... 4 months.

Six months.

.... A year.

You're in the chair again. Your cheeks are stained with silent trails of tears that you don't even murmur.

Your tears are... Trained like that.

You close your eyes and open your mouth.

One more.

Just one more.

It's another two hours.

Your jaw is numb. Your face frozen. Your hands folded neatly in your lap as you close your eyes and it begins again.

But for the first time when all is said and done.

When you are given the okay to leave. Same old, same old they know you here after all. You're on first name basis with them all.

But for the first time.

You ask for a mirror.

A mirror that your hands shakily turns around and you remove the dental glasses, your eyes are still squeezed shut.

You wept. You pleaded. You begged on your knees.

You tried. You failed. You kept going.

She failed you.

Those memories churn through your mind like a storm as you keep your eyes closed. The kind assistant puts her hand on your shoulder and tells you it's okay.

Count with her. Okay?

One.

Two...

Three.

They're not perfect. Oh no, pearly whites are hard with your coffee habit, that's not something you're willing to give up thanks but...

They're...white all the same.

The tears come again. You didn't even realize you were crying until a tissue is pressed in your hands. You stare and stare, the reflection moves with you, blinks with you...

Dear God it...

It is you.

She took everything from you. Home. Career. Family. Safety.

Humanity.

But through it all you smiled. You made yourself smile through the pain as the only comfort you had left. To spend energy smiling versus wallowing in the hell your life was.

She took everything but...

She didn't take that smile.

No...

You took it with you.

And now... Looking at those... Mute whites that to you sparkled like the sheerest, finest and most immaculate diamonds you had ever seen...

You realize your nightmare is over.

She...is gone.

You realize that that reflection. That new woman staring at you in the mirror practicing her smile.

Is... You.

She is gone. She can never hurt you again.

You are free.

I'm....

free.

Fin

*****

"smile"

#my writing #stream of consciousness #ptsd recovery #Domestic Abuse survival #art therapy #reflections #I am a domestic abuse survivor #Reclaiming parts of my life one milestone big or small at a time

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annekewrites · 6 months

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"You're doing great! You're a real trooper!"

TMI medical/dental/etc. stuff and things that were traumatic for me adjacent to that beyond cut, jsyk.

Okay. So what you need to know for background sake is that I have not had ANY non-urgent/emergency medical anything done since...considerably before covid started, for Reasons that look like this, as I think of them:

Phone anxiety from hell - I can override it for work or in a real emergency but it's one of the worst mental spoon drains. Probably related to the days when phone calls not from family or my very closest friends were 90% bill collectors and 9% other stuff I really didn't want to deal with.

Fear of committing to an appointment, not being able to keep it for whatever reason, and then getting dropped by the practice - this happened to me once with the only endodontist who would take my insurance without, like, a six-month wait.

Multiple awful experiences taking kids to appointments and them not getting appropriate care, including but not limited to the time my son's former primary care doc wanted to prescribe estrogen-containing birth control pills to deal with menstrual dysphoria, the time we got kicked out of the ER with my daughter, and the time the other ER threatened to call CPS on us because we were supposedly letting our preteen kids drink hard liquor and watch porn (NO????????) instead of dealing with the reason we were there.

Multiple awful experiences my husband has had, including the time he had a hypertensive crisis but as soon as they heard he was on psych meds they assumed he was also using illegal drugs and possibly committing DV (no???), the time the "Wellness Management Clinic" told him to crash diet AND divorce me if I refused to crash diet with him, and the time the primary care doc's record office confused the Vicodin he got with his wisdom teeth extraction with an ongoing daily prescription.

The horrible unethical therapist I had 15ish years ago, yikes.

I'm a fat woman with adult-diagnosed ADHD, and my last primary care doc was all "you don't really need Strattera because your ADHD isn't that bad, you got to this appointment on time just fine!" (CLEARLY this woman had never heard of Appointment Mode. Sigh.)

Thanks to the above, I'm afraid of being seen as "doctor-shopping" or drug-seeking, as well as just getting yelled at for being fat and not having been to the doctor in way too long.

So yeah. I get my shots, I go to urgent care when something obvious needs urgent care (possible strep, the stress fractured foot earlier this year), but I haven't had regular anything done in way too long.

I figured the first step in dealing with this was to get back in therapy. So I found a practice that would book new patients online, and there I selected a therapist who is queer and a parent, because (as I said to them) "there's a whole lot I just won't have to explain!" And I wrote on my intake form that one of the big things I wanted to work on was my medical anxiety, because it is actively causing Problems.

Next, while bringing my son to get dental work done and noticing that he seemed very comfortable with that practice, I decided "since I'm in the waiting room anyway, let's get me in and get this party started, I know there is a mess in my mouth." And I've had the botched-root-canal tooth pulled, which was apparently a challenged, and half of my mouth has had the periodontal deep clean with the other half to be done in two weeks, plus a couple of fillings and prep and temp crowns for a bridge to fill in where a tooth was pulled before.

And the whole time I keep hearing that I'm doing great! And that's helping so so much tbh when I expect to just be yelled at and treated with scorn and that's...not what is happening. It makes me feel like maybe I can go to the actual doctor and have it not be awful, too?

I'm trying.

#medical trauma #in which i overshare #self care

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blue-kyber · 9 months

Text

Things are very, very grim for me right now.

I'm hanging by a thread tied to a long-distance hope of finding a lawyer willing to take my case, and that I'll get hired at the place I interviewed at yesterday.

It's grim, because I've slipped so far behind in everything, all I can afford now is ramen. I eat free food from the restaurant (my job that I'm trying to leave due to them screwing me over so hard I'm IN this situation.)

Things in jeopardy/things I can no longer pay for:

Rent

Car insurance.

2 credit cards.

Traffic ticket that I'm fighting, because the reason is disgustingly stupid - everyone in Los Angeles does what I got pulled over for on the daily. Multiple times. They enter the left hand turn lane before the turn lane starts. I was off my medication at the time (again, problem getting it). This is what the "ADHD Tax" means, and why life with ADHD is more expensive.

Health insurance - which means no more mental health care. Which means no more prescriptions for ADHD medication and antidepressants.

ADHD meds. I've been off of them since the start of August. I either can't afford them, or they're not in stock. Even the generic version of Adderall is out.

Dental Insurance.

Spotify. I have to listen to ads now. An acceptable loss, however annoying.

Disney+ (to be honest, I dropped them before this due to them raising their prices.)

Filling my car's gas tank to Full. It costs me around $88. It lives perpetually on 1 - 2 gallons, so I'm having to keep putting in $10 every other day.

There goes getting a new mattress. I'll keep dealing with lower back pain and restless nights.

Paying the mechanic back for fixing my POS 20 year old car in June.

Paying my friend back $600, and my parents back $900 to help me cover rent in July.

My paychecks and what small tips I make anymore go directly toward the money pit that is rent that I can't afford anymore, food for myself and my cat, and gas for the car.

My biggest fears right now are not making my $1250 rent by Sept. 15th, not being able to pay that ticket (which you have to pay for and hope the court refunds it back after looking at the dispute paperwork), and not getting my ADHD meds. Without them, I've been making more mistakes, and being my old scattered self without any ability to focus on more than 1 thing, and not get important things done that need to be done.

TO SAVE MYSELF...

I am looking for other work.

I took a job every Saturday at my old work (which I didn't want to return to, but I'm desperate. There are REASONS why I left).

Selling my things on Ebay - which isn't going so well. I only sold 2 small things, made $40, but I only got $15 of it. The rest went to Ebay fees and shipping.

Entering writing contests with cash prizes. I haven't won anything.

Getting the odd lottery ticket praying to God for help. Haven't won anything. Not even my $2 back.

I sold my PS2 and some games for $50 and that $50 went to gas and food.

I got a Macy's card so I could get nice work pants for job interviews, and rebuild my credit back into the 700's. It's been driven down to 695, and I am not happy about that. I worked for years to get it back up out of the 400s. Now I owe Macy's $43 by the end of the month.

Now I'm considering donating plasma even if the last time I tried years ago...let's just say it didn't go well. I panicked, I almost blacked out, and I threw up. 3 nurses were around me.

Considering donating blood if they'll pay me for it.

Auditioning for audiobook narration jobs. Haven't landed any new gigs yet, and the one I'm working on is royalty share. Which = experience. No $$$.

I need $1250 by the 15th, and I don't know what else I can do to get it. Aside from starting an Only Fans for guys who like ugly women, cakes, or feet. I am seriously considering posting pictures of my ass and feet for money.

I'm a roller skater. I know I have nice legs and nice bakery. I just really, really, really don't want to have to sink that low. I already have horrible self esteem, body issues, and mental health issues.

I am physically alone through all of this. No partner, no significant other, no family nearby. It's just me having to fight through all of this to keep going alone.

AND ALL OF THIS.... Because my work retaliated against me in June, and continue to do so.

No one wants my voice. - a literal lifetime of training. No one wants my writing - same. Decades of training. Years devoted to a work that holds my soul ("Out There: The 1K"). My patreon failed horribly. No one wants my stuff. - Yes, it's all crap, because I can't afford expensive stuff. No one wants to hire me. - I haven't figured this one out yet. No law firm wants to help me. No one wants...

Me.

BUT I AM STILL TRYING.

I bought a bunch of potatoes today, and some spaghetti. My food for a while will be baked spuds and noodles. I'll get my protein through meat dishes at work.

My cat is amazing. :) She'll always have enough food and love. She's my emotional support companion. She's even registered. And she's saving me right now. All I need to do is look at her, and I can believe for a moment that things will be ok.

I'll get through this and keep a roof over our heads because of her. Because I love her. Because I'm terrified of living on the streets. Of being dropped like I never mattered despite how hard I work to be the best at my job, and a good person.

I know it'll be ok. I just have to follow the advice my MC was given:

"You're meant for something greater out there. Not down here with us in the dirt. But you have to look up. Keep your eyes on the horizon. Keep moving. Don't look back, and don't look down. You do that, and you'll find your way out. And when you do, I hope I'm there to see you break orbit."

That's Gregor's advice to a young Yune Darrak in my novel. Gregor was his first father figure. Yune holds that speech as part of what gets him through impossible times. He named his ship the Horizon after this speech, and in honor of Gregor, of how much he saved his life just by loving him.

I need to follow my own? advice.

I've been strong for months. But now, I really want to go sit in the shower and cry. Be right back.

#Bad times are just times that are bad #These bad times have a potential eviction notice nailed to them.#I just have to stay positive that things will be ok.

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