#I do not know Where they are in this image (esp. as I have aged james up by some 30ish years so as to be able to Interact with mr mcclure)
Text
just a couple of creepy 18th-century innkeepers talking shop!
[featuring @borisyvain's lazarus mcclure and my own james webster]
#em draws stuff#oc time again hehe#haunted by your hand#the gambler: james webster#really I should start having an 'other people's characters' tag again as well...#so yes I have thought about these two being Brothers In Homosexual Haunted Murderhotel for long enough that a drawing happened#I do not know Where they are in this image (esp. as I have aged james up by some 30ish years so as to be able to Interact with mr mcclure)#(which is why she's looking a bit mellower than usual and also wearing teal... Character Development which as of regular hbyh has not#yet come to pass.....)#eh who knows maybe james went to ireland. she can have a little a go to ireland hang out with other horrible people as a treat#she deserves a little treat for making it to the 1780s-1790s (no one thought she was making it of the 1760s alive I am sure)#surprisingly this was a delightful refresher as I have been in a state of artblock/only interested in drawing things I can't work on in#public spaces lately! but this came together in barely two hours (admittedly after four days of staring at pictures of mr mcclure)#anyway if you read this far you should all go look at jory's blog his characters are SO cool and well-researched#james will someday be more well-researched than she currently is but that will be after I get around to reading 'the english pub 1500-1830'#which I found in the library and was so brave and strong and Did Not check out so as to actually maybe get schoolwork done
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
[ateez as tinder dudes]
this is a joke, but i’m also convinced that i’m correct, so… there’s that. also, don’t look at me, incorporating a fourth (FOURTH!!!) group on my blog. i don’t want to talk about it 🫣
hongjoong
he’s treating this like a portfolio. he’s got the max number of pics uploaded, and they’re all editorial, like he’s expecting to be scouted. is he repping a brand? is he just flexing that he’s got better style than you ever will? he knows this is tinder, right? no.
absolutely no bio, whatsoever. his age isn’t even listed, somehow. you know nothing about him except that he owns more than one cowboy hat, and honestly? that’s all you need to know.
you’re actually 98.4% sure that he’s a catfish — who just looks like that? — but that’s not going to stop you from swiping right to see if he did, too.
he did not.
seonghwa
he’s intentionally using pics of him with his mother, with kids, with small animals, etc. because he’s calculating. couldn’t be more of a targeted attack if the profile was computer-generated. frankly, you can’t say if it was or wasn’t. suspiciously perfect.
that’s where the tinder prowess stops. he doesn’t know how the swiping feature works so he’s swiped right on everyone. oops.
his bio has subsections — plural — with endearingly dorky interests laid out in full. he’s well-rounded and objectively attractive to literally all people. man is everybody’s type, esp. yours.
tragically, he has never once responded to a message, and he never will.
yunho
he must’ve made this as a joke, right? every picture of him is hilariously unflattering or a recreation of a meme or some childhood photo, except the last one — which is a meme. it’s something obscure that appeals to the sense of humor of exactly .01% of the population. you can tell by looking at him that he is chronically online and had unrestricted internet access as a kid.
his bio is also absurd. this dude has something like “my first words were, ‘this human form is limiting’”, and it’s extremely polarizing. on purpose. puts his whole personality right there, right from the get-go because it will ward the wrong people off and flag down the exact niche he’s targeting.
i feel like he’s either a lukewarm conversationalist that makes you wonder how the rest of his profile was so funny, or the first conversation is an incredible, god-tier bit — and then, when the bit runs its course, you realize that he deleted his profile, never to be seen again.
rip
yeosang
all of his pictures paint an image of someone hard and edgy, and you’ve got it all wrong. you’ve been fully bamboozled, bestie. that is a whole ass fairy princess.
always messages first and/or responds immediately, revealing that he’s the most “uwu” person of all time. seriously, what the fuck? people unironically use “hehehe”? in this day and age? ^_^
unexpected gem. the person he actually is isn’t someone you would normally shoot your shot with, but you’re not mad about it.
one of the rare few on the app who would rather die than find a hookup (the idea makes him itchy, okay?) but he will actually seek and find a future spouse, just watch.
san
most of his photos are of him and his friend (it’s wooyoung. of course it’s wooyoung), and the subtext is so confusing that you can’t tell if they’re looking for a third or are just guys being buds ??? what is happening, and why are you so into it?
the photos that don’t include his friend (boyfriend? seriously, what is going on there?) are all action shots because he needs you to know that he is athletic and built. you do not need to wonder what he looks like naked because he’s not wearing a shirt in any of them.
he’s got the stock photo equivalent of a bio. most uninteresting thing you’ve ever seen, so you do not hit him up.
you should have :( you would’ve loved him.
mingi
i regret to inform you that this man has the most cringeworthy online presence of all time. god, he’s so fuckboi-coded!! and you hate him for it, but you hate yourself even more for being into because you sure are, diva!!!
i feel like the song on his profile is extremely questionable, either because it’s some bizarre, ambient instrumental; by someone that’s been justifiably cancelled and you don’t know whether or not he knows that; or worse, it’s his own.
all of his pictures are group pictures. you cannot tell for the life of you which one of them he is, requiring you to go to the instagram he’s referenced in his bio — which is exactly the point. the instagram links to his soundcloud because it can get worse.
if you actually bite the bullet and respond to his shitty pick-up line, he’s the bbygirl to end all bbygirls. absolute heart of gold. you almost want to smack him for being so bad at marketing himself.
get him a PR person to straighten his shit out; mingi is fired.
wooyoung
this motherfucker has deleted and remade his profile 8,000 times because he needs to “reset his matches” aka has spent every waking moment swiping.
he probably pays for tinder so he can swipe in other locations — not because he’s looking for anyone, but because he wants people to look at him.
you have to wonder who took the photos because they’re sure as shit not selfies but they’re all vaguely chic thirst traps (it was san. of course it was san.)
when it comes to messages, he either communicates exclusively with emojis or gifs, or he only responds to compliments. small talk? NOPE. tell him he’s pretty or get out :’)
if you do wind up linking (because the whole conversation thing is a lost cause), he’s insane. you’ll spend one night with him, never see him again, and you will remember him on your deathbed.
was he a ghost or a fever dream? you’ll never know.
jongho
he’s only here because his friends made him, and he will make that crystal clear. nothing else will be, though. he’s either got an extremely dry sense of humor + is deeply ironic, or he’s genuinely that odd.
all of his photos are identical selfies (expression, location, angle, etc.) and the only difference is the shirt he’s wearing. is…. is that on purpose? is he being funny, or is he seriously that much of a cartoon character? WHO KNOWS.
tbh, he’s the dude that makes a profile, finds an IRL partner immediately, and totally forgets he has a profile because he deleted the app ages ago. this is tragic; he would’ve been just your type.
message him all you want, bestie. it won’t work.
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
I dunno if there’s a name for this type of genre/setting, but. I’m really digging how S3 seems to be going for that type of story, often coming-of-age, involving a ragtag group of tweens investigating their suburban neighborhood, performing historical research and unraveling a mystery, in response to supernatural happenings. There’s a monster lurking out there, and they have not much beyond your typical, everyday household objects to defend themselves; And of course, the beloved flashlight!
Obviously three of our protagonists DO have actual magic, but I have to wonder if prolonged separation from the Demon Realm will cause a witch’s magic bile to run out... Thus forcing the kids into a time limit and making them struggle even further against the odds, esp since even their original strength wasn’t enough to defeat Belos’ monster form. This might be why Amity has her Palisman; Willow and Gus have more innate talent and thus ‘bile’ to run off of, but Amity isn’t as gifted and so runs out a lot more quickly, and has to rely on her staff as a backup.
Which, I guess is not unlike Belos, perhaps; I can definitely see him focusing on the kids’ palismen, as he deals with his own dwindling time and energy... Anyhow, I dig this type of horror story where the kids are forced to confront the hidden sins of their town’s past, as a literal ghost comes back from the dead to haunt them.
It’s a mystery and of course you have the occasional kind adult or parent struggling to make things right; Struggling against the danger that threatens the idyllic life kids are meant to have, because these types of stories I imagine are meant to shatter the illusion of a perfect suburban neighborhood, show there’s shadows lying beneath the picturesque surface and nostalgia. A critique of that nuclear family image, because of the skeletons in the closet... Typically the ones who don’t fit in, the outcasts from whom the protagonists are, and find acceptance in fighting the idyllic facade. They too relate to being unacceptable and hidden away, hence their connection to the hidden darkness they unravel. I guess that’s what’s at root behind the fundamental appeal of these stories, what makes them resonate with audiences so much, that and the rad aesthetic of course.
It’s all really a metaphor in a way for a protagonist’s struggle with their parents and their need to be accepted, even as the parent adjusts to a shaken-up status quo they’re totally unprepared for and how they can somehow maintain their duties as an adult amidst all this, accepting that this status quo isn’t so perfect after all. Like Paranorman, Stranger Things, Deltarune. I don’t know WHAT the name is for these type of stories is, but I’m delighted to see The Owl House naturally develop our protagonists’ circumstances into this kind of familiar, recognizable story. The perfect neighborhood isn’t so perfect actually, it’s all a social critique by the end of the day.
And of course, the beta AU aspects are noticeable, especially the baseball bat that is a common trope of these kinds of stories; Which just gets back to what Dana said about her original intentions for the show to be darker, even as it literally becomes so! She DID clarify that Luz and the kids were made younger and more cheerful, precisely as her own creative choice; To paraphrase, if everybody is edgy then nobody is edgy, the brightness of someone like Luz was chosen by Dana herself, not Disney, as a way to contrast with the surroundings.
BUT... That’s how it starts for the story! But as things develop and Luz’s character grows and is hurt, experiences the loss of innocence in coming of age stories... Yeah, I can see the vibes of the Beta AU always having been the intention for the crew, they just opted to have the cast evolve into that, instead of starting off that way! Which of course, creates the nice contrast between then and now that makes the darkness of recent events all the more apparent. I dig it.
It truly feels like such a natural and perfect way to portray Luz’s arc to evolve in her return to the human world, confronting what she’s learned of it since then, and coming to terms with how she doesn’t fit the mold that Gravesfield wants, recognizing its cruelty towards those outcasts, and unveiling the truth. All while finding her acceptance from her mother and peers... Because that’s what it’s really about at the heart of the story, what it’s a metaphor for. It’s the ideal and classic genre to explore and settle her issues back home, in a home that isn’t as normal as some might claim it is away from the Demon Realm.
This could easily be its own isolated, more mundane AU and I love the range this show offers; I’m almost surprised the show didn’t go for this setting earlier, but that’s only because there’s a time and place for it and the time is now after carefully building up to it. Luz is truly disillusioned with the human world after living in a different place and seeing how it easily could and should be better, which just allows her to really make a stand against it this time. Now she knows another life is viable and isn’t interested in returning back to this one. This could be the end of her hero’s journey with how Luz has come back changed; But unlike the classic version, the beginning is not her end.
446 notes
·
View notes
Note
Sorry this is gonna be a bit of a rant since it’s something I’ve had strong feelings about since joining the AG/TASM fanfic part of the internet, and you’ve provided me a great opportunity to talk about it.
As a trans person, I am BEGGING fanfic writers to stop writing Marauders stuff. I’ve seen so many people defend it with “separate art from the artist” but like it or not they are still supporting JKR. Separating art from the artist only really works when the artist can’t profit from it. She has done SO MUCH harm to trans people and particularly trans youth in the UK and it’s so fucking disheartening and gives me such an ick when I see TASM writers also write for Marauders because it truly comes across as “I love and support the trans community except when it comes to this because I like it.”.
Even if you ignore the transphobia and holocaust denial (YES IM SERIOUS, she’s denied parts of the holocaust at LEAST twice and she literally did it a second time the other day), the original writing is so fucking problematic. Things just off the top of my head being;
The goblins being stereotypes of Jewish people
The fucking racism with characters like Cho Chang and Kingsley Shacklebolt
The last Fantastic Beasts movie’s plot literally being trying to make WW2 and the holocaust happen
This point needs to be taken with a grain of salt since this was some bullshit Joanne said after the books came out, but werewolves in the universe being meant to represent people with aids. Which is so fucking awful considering one of the two werewolves was attacked by the other as a CHILD
The most ironic part of this is that if Andrew is truly the person he presents himself as, he would probably fucking despise being associated with HP, even if it is just a fancast. But yeah all this to say fuck JKR, fuck Marauders fans but also thank you so much Katie for that last anon answer because I genuinely don’t see that enough in this corner of the internet.
Even Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter himself, has spoken out against her and continues to loudly support the LGBTQ+ communities. When your own beloved Harry doesn't even want to stand by your side, you should know you fucked up. Sadly, she does not, and instead leans harder into her bigotry and hatred.
I've always been someone who is very loud and opinionated when I see things that I disagree with, which I know can rub some people the wrong way, but fuck it. I don't like to whisper about my issues on the sidelines, I like to confront the problem head on by being very clear about where I stand and how I feel. I'm not gonna sit around and let someone align me with JKR just because I'm writing a stupid werewolf and Peter Parker fic that exactly 5 people are reading lol. It's not even a popular fic like get out of my asks jfc. Esp when I can tell this person has not read a single sentence of my story and is completely basing their judgements on my header image of AG's face next to a wolf gif.
In this past week I have seen both a Steven Harrington werewolf au and a Daredevil werewolf au cross my dash. Do we think they're getting called out for supporting HP?? No. Because their actors weren't "fan casted" as something years ago. Fan casts don't even mean anything! There was never a movie about them. AG was never casted or played this role. It's literally nothing but a bunch of fans agreeing that they like his look for a fictional character.
Anyway, I'm also ranting back at you haha. You can rant to me anytime. I love a good rant and I agree with you 100%.
Werewolves were not created by JKR. Andrew Garfield has nothing to do with Harry Potter. Don't make make snap judgments about a person's character based on a picture you saw. Support your trans community. Don't be dick.
And, if they actually read my werewolf au, they would see that it's literally about learning to overcome your own hatred and biases of people different from you and learning to love those you were taught to hate. Crazy concept, I know! 🙄😉
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Will Wood Drama - an explanation and breakdown for those who need it
TW: Allegations of grooming and manipulation, talks of unhealthy/toxic relationships, and talks of relapsing into self harm
So yesterday (7/31/22) a user posted a twitter thread saying he was groomed by Will Wood, and it has been archived by someone else* with og screenshots being found and showing the account that wasn’t in the og thread.** But I will be recapping and then giving my insight. It gets long.
TL:DR: Op has a deeply unhealthy relationship with Will where sexual intimacy is on and off in cycles. Both parties are negatively effected by it. I believe Op that it happened and that it caused serious harm but I cannot find the specific behaviors of grooming/manipulation/emotional abuse in the thread Op makes.
Notice: Do not harass and give death threats to Op. I don’t care what you think or believe in this situation, it is never okay to deliver death threats. Nor does it excuse being insensitive pricks. He’s been mobbed enough by stans who cannot give the situation delicacy and nuance. He’s still a person who was hurt and is still hurting. There is no intent of maliciousness from him, do not assume that.
*The archive has censored nudes of Will. Which is completely uncalled for and wrong to do. Nudes were exchanged with consent under the explicit agreement that it stay private. I understand that Op was being mobbed for proof that this was Will, posted, and the quickly deleted it. The archive has no right to keep the images nor do I think it was a necessary addition of proof that the exchange happened. I also hear a rumor through the grapevine that these photos allegedly don’t look like him and/or were doctored but I am in no place to confirm/deny because I don’t know what Will looks like either than a white man.
**Another rumor is that the insta account wasn’t manage by Will and thus could’ve been someone impersonating him? I don’t buy that because the later text messages do reference the insta ones. But I also don’t follow Will’s social medias so idk who manages what and where and what he types like. Again not my call to make.
Edit: As new information comes to light it will be in the replies. New links have been added already. In one of the links we see more people come forward with further problematic behavior from Will in the past. If you have further information, read what’s already in there and then explain your own. The asks on my blog regarding this are more broader discussion than actual evidence gathering/analysis, that will stay in the replies for convenience.
At age 18 in 2018 op becomes facebook friends with Will and they had a casual friendly relationship. Time passes, they meet at a concert in 2019 and talk, more time passes and they moved to snapchat and again, was friendly. They talk and Will finds out Op is selling nsfw content of themselves and expresses some interest even with guilt. Because there is an age gap and he is aware Op is a fan. There are screenshots of that and him mentioning it would be “cancel city” if people saw he bought nudes from an 18yo fan. (worth noting that op does state that they were talking on snap but the screenshots are of an insta convo here, but benefit of the doubt that it’s a slip.) Pictures are paid for, Op feels “starstruck” but fine with this even tho Will expresses some residual guilt.
(Note: I am not jumping at Will’s guilt and unease here as proof of bad behavior. People feel guilt for sexual desires esp when it’s taboo, even when it’s 100% fine. Just as I’m giving Op grace, I will give Will grace too, I know nothing about either them as people. But I do know feeling guilt over sexual attraction because it something you can’t control, and I do know famous people are esp prone to judgement and anxiety that can be internalize. Yes there is an age gap, but they met as adults and he has never personally known them as a child. The experience difference from age can be a valid concern in any relationship, but in the context of just buying pictures I don’t think that’s relevant.)
The night afterwards Will brings up sexting for money but pulled out, being personally uncomfortable with it and then wanting the sexual undertone of their relationship to be removed. Op says thats fine and that’s that.
The next part is Op expresses some self-conscious issues regarding being in college classes and a certain incident not elaborated on. We get a screenshot of Will comforting Op citing they are mature and smart. Here Op says that it sounds like the “youre so mature for your age” sentiment perverts use to get close to kids, and although they want to believe Will is just being nice they now think it creepy because it coupled with Will’s earlier worry of being “cancelled” for buying pics of an 18 yo.
Now the full sentence is “You’re smart and mature and you have a good head on your shoulders.” I personally don’t think this is creepy or being used in the same way as a pervert would. If my friend was insecure about being in college that is something I would probably would say to them too. In context, I feel this is fairly innocent and doesn’t prove anything wrong of Will.
After that they’re talking just as casual friends for a bit. Eventually Will makes a sexual advance again and it is reciprocated. Free of charge they would exchange pictures occasionally. It is here Op openly admits to feeling completely dependent on his praise and feeling as if he didn’t, Will would leave.
Now there are no screenshots of conversation to be further proof of Op’s word that Will would stop being friends if they weren’t sexting. Giving Op the benefit of the doubt, those feelings were genuinely felt. But I genuinely don’t know if Op felt that because Will had made some comment to suggest it or Op’s codependency was feeding that anxious feeling. I simply do not know. As someone who has been codependent in an intimate relationships before and still has anxious issues, I can tell you that even though these fears are genuine and have mental and physical effects, sometimes they really aren’t founded. It doesn’t mean theyre invalid fears, but it’s just not very applicable to the current situation.
Again, I cannot be 100% sure whether that worry here is founded or not. Considering Will had been able to keep a friendship with Op before and after the introduction of sexual pictures, I can see where the nagging thought would be there but that also shows he was capable of being friends without it. idk. So while I’m keeping it in mind that op has this fear + codependency because it will color their side of future interactions, I am also giving Will the benefit of the doubt that he’s unaware of this complex. After all, they’d been friends with healthy communication for a time.
It is now that Op says these next messages and timeline specifically come from insta. Op describes this as a cycle. They would sext. Will would then feel weird about it. They would stop. He would get “bored” and then it would start again. And this cycle would continue until march 2020. (Now i dont know what Op means by “stop” whether it would stop only the sexting or communication altogether. I’m leaning towards the former and assume that going forward.)
Now, is this healthy? Absolutely not. It sounds like Op and Will are in an unhealthy cycle of being attracted to and wanting each other’s attention. But being unable to properly expressed and place and enforce boundaries down of what attraction this is and how that relationship should be. It a definite issue, but something they both need to communicate in order to find a solution. When it comes to what a relationship is, it requires both people to work together to find a way to make it work to decide if it’s not worth it anymore.
Op does not elaborate further on this cycle. Which is fine, I wouldn’t want to think a lot about it if I were in that place either. What memories mightve felt fine and good in the moment definitely can feel tainted and fuzzy later due to new associations to the event/someone in the event. I get it.
If Will had intentionally encouraged Op to be codependent, lead Op on, that would 100% be on Will and be a terrible terrible thing. That would qualify as grooming and manipulating them. Worth every bit of condemnation. However, this thread doesn’t elaborate if that happened. And at the point Op doesn’t claim that, just that it was a cycle. A clearly unhealthy one. We have no idea what it looked like beyond the sexting starting and stopping.
I do want to clarify because I saw some people saying this: You can be groomed at any age. Kids are not the only ones groomed. It’s just that an adult/child dynamic is the easiest to leverage and most recognizable. You can also be groomed regardless of occupation. I understand Op was selling nsfw content, that doesn’t mean he’s suddenly immune from grooming. All grooming requires is using pressure to force you to take on a certain role. This pressure could be from emotional or physical abuse, leveraging authority, leveraging status, basically anything. In this specific case, the implication is that Will would’ve leverage his status to get Op to do things. The fact that there is an age gap would imply that because Op is younger, Op would have less experience and knowledge that could play into Will’s advantage here.
That is entirely possible, but at this point in the thread, Op doesn’t claim that happening. And there are no screenshots here, so there is no dialogue to see contribute to that reasoning. Not saying it couldn’t exist, but it’s not presented. So while I’m believing Op that something unhealthy was happening between them, I’m not placing a word as to what type of unhealthy relationship it is without more context.
Op goes to Will’s last show before the lockdown, talks to the bass player more than Will and then gets home to see sexual messages from Will. I have no idea where in that cycle this incident would be in. Just that this happened during the cycles.
After that show, lockdown starts. Op’s home life gets really traumatizing during this. This additional trauma is relevant because Op would turn to Will during these times. Citing him being a friend and having relevant experience regarding the traumatic development. This is also during the cycle of have a sexual relationship with Will, in their own words saying they were a “sexual object” to him. Again, no dialogue to be seen so I don’t know where exactly Op is getting this, but if he felt like an object, he felt like an object. I cannot dissuade that. No one has a right to make calls on what someone else is feeling. I can only wonder where it came from and what contributed to that feeling. The most I can confidently say it’s that this unhealthy cycle was causing it, but not what specifically about it. We’re not provided further elaboration and I’m not gonna demand that of Op.
One night of this traumatizing development at home around 2/3am Op is on a spiral at genuine risk to relapsing into self harm and turns to Will. Will stays up with them until 6am to help them through it. Op is calmed down and goes to sleep safe and unharmed. Op describes the next few days of him being extremely grateful that Will did this, while Will is being standoffish with one word replies. Eventually Op confronts Will and asks if he had done something wrong.
This is the correct course of action. If Will was upset at smth Op said he should’ve said something instead of being vague and standoffish. That is on Will, but that’s poor communication, not necessarily manipulation.
Op then quotes but doesn’t provide screenshots that Will says Op was being manipulative, only coming to Will for sexual purposes, and made him out to be an “emotional dumping ground.” Breaking that down, there is no cause to assume Op was being manipulative. There is no cause to believe Op only wanted sexual attention from Will, in fact Op already stated it was the attention from a local star that drove a lot of this attachment. Op seems willing and okay with sexual intimacy at this point, but I don’t think Op wanted only sex. It is the “emotional dumping ground” aspect that likely has some genuine weight to it.
Op is already dependent on Will for emotional support and going through a lot of trauma. And as someone who’s been there, it’s so easy to dump on the person you’ve formed a codependency on. Both appropriately vent and inappropriately dumb baggage on them. It’s not fair to the other person, even when they do want to help. I’ve been on both sides of that, it’s awful. I don’t think Op was intentional in harming Will if they were dumping trauma on him often during this time, but it doesn’t mean it still couldn’t have caused harm. It’s already established that Op and Will’s relationship had serious communication and boundary issues at this point. I am not surprised that Will would’ve felt like an emotional dumping ground in this situation.
Op goes on to say he’s mortified that “someone that [he] revered as a god-like figure, [told him he] was being manipulative for asking for help.” And no, asking for help is not inherently a manipulative thing, in fact the “asking” part is what gives the other person a healthy chance to not help. Telling someone they’re manipulative for asking for help is a huge dick move. On the other hand, asking someone to talk you down from relapse is tall order. Now I don’t know if Op specifically told Will a relapse felt oncoming when first asking for help, or it was revealed through prompting and conversation later on. Regardless, it was made apparent to Will, hence why he stayed up with them. I don’t know how those hours went down and I would never ask Op to try and remember how it did.
But asking someone to help you through a mental health crisis is a tall order. Especially at 3am to a person you have an on and off inconsistent relationship with. There is a reason you go to someone trained in a mental health crisis, they are prepared and know how to help and handle your situation. If you ever find yourself in Op’s position, call/text a mental health service line. The one I’m familiar with is 741741, double check for what is in your area/country. No matter what that is going to be a key and/or turning point in a relationship. I am not saying don’t go to friends/family/partner when youre struggling, but you also have to understand they’re not always going to know what to do. And if this is happening over text, which is what happened between Will and Op, there’s even less they can do now coupled with knowing they can’t do much if things take a turn. It’s an intense emotional labor that yes, some people are more than willing to do for someone they love, but that doesn’t mean it’s still not a difficult thing to ask.
I feel for Op, I really really do. And Will is wrong to call that manipulative, because I genuinely don’t think Op was intentional trying to harm, but I can 100% see and find it valid as to why he would be uncomfortable with that incident. It’s not an excuse to be standoffish for days but yeah, maybe it takes time to figure out how to address that.
What raises a big red flag for me is that Op openly admits to revering Will in a god-like manner. Under no circumstances should you be revering anyone like that. I knew Op was dependent to the point of codependency (I should clarify that codependency is my interpretation of this, not Op’s.) but holy shit is that so much worse. That is such an unhealthy mindset to have towards someone and it sets up any relationship to be unhealthy and poor. And the thing is, Op doesn’t elaborate where it came from.
If this is indeed grooming, Will would have had to encourage and enable and endorse this god-like image. For starters, I have no idea if Will knew or figured out Op had this mindset. The only thing seemed to have been made explicit is the trauma Op’s enduring through lockdown and as such the codependency would’ve been made obvious. And if I recall correctly, Will has stated he doesn’t like to be idolized by his fans. Most people don’t and I do know that celebs are the ones that have to be explicit in saying they don’t like idolization because it happens so much.
What I make of this revering is that unfortunately Op had set themselves up for tragedy. Having such bad idolization and dependency from the beginning he seemingly couldn’t get away from. Even if you enter a healthy relationship, that is how it gets severely damaged if you don’t keep it in check. I can say that with full confidence because I have damaged a good relationship with codependency before. It’s unfortunate, it’s a tragedy, but that’s how the cookies crumbles.
Now, if Will intentionally put that mentality onto, enabled, or intentionally capitalize on that, he would 100% be a manipulative person in this. Deserving to be condemned and held accountable for taking advantage of a vulnerable person. But at no point does Op say he knew or enabled this. I’m assuming Will has caught onto the dependency, but only because the traumatic environment Op was in had him cling to Will. And I can see being sympathetic to the situation and thus not addressing the dependency right away because it could ease up once the trauma isn’t actively happening. I don’t know if he was aware of it before lockdown and certainly don’t expect him to have thought he was being revered in a godly manner at any point.
All Op elaborates is he still struggling to ask for help because of this. And I do not blame Op for that, I feel for him because I have the exact same struggle because of previous relationships. And that Op and Will barely talk for months after this confrontation. At this point Op is heartbroken and feels like he ruined everything.
Then Op’s feelings about the situation evolves after speaking to friends about it. Now the feeling is that Op was “groomed by a man with insane power over [him.]”
I don’t want to bash on Op’s friends. I don’t know what they were told and the context or any of that. I am sure they only want what’s best for Op and have his best interest in mind. I will never fault someone for genuinely believing something bad happened and pointing it out. However, I still don’t know at what point this relationship became grooming. It was definitely unhealthy, and probably toxic at some point, but I do not see where Will intentionally leveraged power to make Op do something. It’s not in any dialogue exchange shown. Maybe the screenshots have been lost, which I wouldn’t fault Op for. All I can gather from the relationship is that it’s unhealthy and clearly brought distraught to both sides. I believe Op that something unhealthy went down and fucked him up, I can see that. And if Op’s friends, who likely have more details, believe something wrong went down I am inclined to believe.
I’m just scouring and rereading and I can’t find the grooming behavior.
Sometime after Op’s evolved feelings, Will reaches out to apologize to Op. The screenshots provided are of an apple text exchange. Will apologizes for acting hot and cold, and for making Op feel like he didn’t care. He says it’s not a reflection on Op and it was on him and his own issues. He says he recognizes he did something wrong, he is working on it, and that it is “too little too late” in Op’s case, but he is sorry and wishes him better. It is a solid apology. I do not see faults in it and so long as he keeps to his word that he tries to improve, he’s done his part. Sounds like he’s made his peace with his part in the relationship.
Op accepts the apology and then tells Will he’s done some thinking and thinks it was extremely inappropriate it even happened. (I’m assuming this refers to the sexual intimacy part of the relationship.) He goes on to tell Will he should’ve been more mindful to who he speaks to and what he means to them. Op’s specifically points out their age gap and the fact that he idolized him. That there was a lot of power there. Will apologizes for taking a lot of time to respond, he’s collecting his thoughts, and then Op states he’s realized he’s “not entirely blameless” which I’m interpreting as he understands his idolization of Will is something he went into the relationship with, which isn’t Will’s fault at all. It also could be that Will didn’t grasp the full extent of the idolization and dependency, which again wouldn’t have been his fault either.
While Will absolutely should have addressed idolizing and then the dependency that became apparent, he is not a mind reader and had no way to know how deep it went with Op. It’s also entirely possible he’s human and just didn’t know how to navigate a relationship with the power tipped to one side. On that point, I’m not sure if there are resources for that besides couple’s therapy. And I can’t even say if they labelled themselves as a proper couple because Op never states what it was called. Certain relationships come with certain expectations.
(Personally I am of the believe if if you’re going into any intimate relationship, platonic, romantic, or sexual, what kind of relationship you’re looking for and are willing to be in should be an explicit conversation up front. It should also be a continuing conversation as it develops. But I also understand most people don’t enter relationships like that or take the time to think about doing that. And if it does works out find without that, I can’t find fault in that.)
Will doesn’t respond for a week and Op blocks him so he can stop focusing on it and move on. Good on Op, good for him. He then states that weeks after My Body Your Temple comes out, he reads the lyrics to it. This causes a spiral because the lyrics remind him of what happen, stating that it’s a lot of the language and sentiment Will used with him. This spiral is what prompts Op to write the thread.
I have no doubt in my mind it would’ve been triggering for Op. The first time thinking about Will after this and it’s a song discussing vulnerability and intimacy with sexual language. Again, I feel for Op. I don’t think it was Will’s intention to use language similar to that relationship. The song was written for a podcast called Camp Here & There. I’m not familiar with the podcasts but genius.com says it’s about The Elephant Man. Whatever character that is. I heard the song without knowing it was apart of the podcast, and his songs have like 100 different interpretations sometimes anyways.
Op said he felt free from the relationship after writing it all out, which I am happy for. Sometimes it takes writing and dumping it all out there to process and feel better and I want Op to feel better because he is clearly hurting bad. I do think this relationship was very unhealthy and has lasting effects I hope he recovers from.
I’m just confused at where the apparent manipulation and sexual grooming is. I reread over and over. I don’t know where is the behavior of Will intentionally capitalizing on Op. I don’t know where’s this behavior of Will forcing and pressuring Op. It’s possible that it’s there and just not in the few screenshots provided and just wasn’t properly elaborated on in the description of this relationship. But I see everything that says “unhealthy” but I don’t see grooming, manipulation, or emotional abuse like he said this was.
I believe Op 100% that something bad and unhealthy happened. Everything here really does strike a chord someone deeply hurt. And I genuinely feel sorry that it happened and I wish them peace and recovery and better things. But I’ve reread the thread over and over at different points in time. I cannot find what I can use to specifically label this unhealthy relationship as being groomed or abused. I don’t know where it came from.
And I’m not pointing that out to victim blame or make accusations against Op, I do not want more harm and harassment on him. I’m pointing it out because I think everyone would do good learn the difference between an unhealthy relationship and an abusive one. One that’s unhealthy by chance and circumstances vs unhealthy by deliberate actions and intentions. One’s a tragedy and the other a crime.
Op wouldn’t have made these things up. Everyone knows if you accuse anyone, let alone a celebrity, there are going to be people coming out of the woodworks to play devil’s advocate and tear into your life. Making up drama is not worth that. He also has the expressed interest of helping other people avoid what happened to him. And that is noble and good, especially when you’re doing that by opening up about something that has hurt you so deeply.
It’s just that, the lesson and warning I get isn’t “Will is a predator” it’s “Don’t place people on such a pedestal and then get into an intimate relationship with them without stepping away from that. Be wary of becoming codependent.” Both still valid warnings, even if it’s not quite what Op is going for. With or without Will’s name or age gap on the relationship, those are the two conclusions I see with how the relationship has been laid out.
(Another thing is that this whole thing was seemingly wrapped up with the apology. Op doesn’t accuse Will of these things in that exchange. Something understandable because its a weighty accusation to make to someone directly. Even the best of people will want a further confrontation from that, and Op was not benefiting from focusing on Will and that relationship at that point to begin with. It seemed like that was going to be that, and they both were going to be done with the relationship for good. But then Op’s spiral with the new song prompted the thread.)
Op later tweets he doesn’t care if people listen to his music, it’s not about Will’s career it’s Will as a person he wants people to be safe from. And he makes the valid point of hardly anyone knows him outside of the face of the artist, of course he’d be a bit different off stage. It’s also in that tweet where he says Will he made Op need “to keep going back to him validation.” Which again, I don’t know where that’s coming from, but I do believe Op when he says he felt that way. I have no reason not to believe him.
Obviously I’m not gonna blame anyone who doesn’t want to listen to Will Wood after this, even if just for a little bit because of how this development sours things. It is your choice to continue or not continue engaging with his content and how. I do think most people can give a little bit more tact to the sensitive situation. Be nice and civil to Op at least. Better yet, leave him alone. He’s been through enough mobbing.
I believe there was a call for anyone else who had an experience with Will to step forward if they feel comfortable doing so. If a legitimate pattern of behavior is revealed, obviously then accountability needs to be held. But until then this really does feel like a unhealthy relationship that was wrapped up and both parties were processing and moving on until the spiral happen. An unhealthy relationship that maybe we didn’t need to know about? I don’t know. But if for a moment, writing the thread gave Op relief and I’d never deny him or anyone else that.
I feel for Op so so much. This just doesn’t tell me enough about Will to make a definite conclusion on him. I cannot in good conscious alleged abuse because I cannot point to a specifically abusive behavior in the thread. Maybe in due time more will be revealed to shed more light on the situation. And if more evidence is revealed, it will inform my conclusions then. But as it is right now, it’s just a deeply unhealthy relationship worsen by circumstances and fumbling on both parties. And I feel bad, it seems tragic to me. And it doesn’t mean Op deserved any of this angst by any means, but what else could be said about it?
It’s 4am and I’m p sure I started this post around 10:30/11pm. I’m without internet rn so ig ill post this when I wake up from sleep. And at 11am this has been reviewed and ready for posting. I don’t typically feel the urge to comment on discourse, esp one of this nature, but I’ve seen some bad faith takes as well as some confusion and questions. And this is something I feel can help people get a better grasp on the situation.
Obviously, make your own conclusions. Believe the victim that something bad happened; but also when you give someone you don’t know grace about something serious, you should also give the other person in the relationship grace when applicable. You don’t know either of them. Also understand that relationships can come with some nuance to it, which is applicable here. Maybe the cards were always set up for failure. Maybe Will genuinely mishandled the relationship. Maybe Op’s revering and codependency is something Will couldn’t have handled well at that time. I cannot say anything for certain because I don’t know enough about how the relationship carried to make that call. All I can say with certainty is that it was a deeply unhealthy relationship for them both and that they both contributed to that unhealthy aspect.
#discourse#Will Wood#I have the urge to disable reblogs because lately people have been tacting irrelevant claims to my stuff and/or making my posts to be smth#its not. but i cannot find the option. So be mature adults with critical thinking and decency p l e a s e#If you absolutely have to add smth on do it in the replies so everyone can see it at once
159 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi i wanted to ask bc i’m always curious about other peoples orkneys takes: if mordred is the second youngest, who’s the youngest? (& if you want to share any other opinions you have on the orkneys, order of siblings or otherwise, go ahead :) but no pressure)
HIIII!!!! thank you so much for your question !!!! i'm sorry this is going to be super super long i have a lot of thoughts about the orkneys (guy who named himself after biblical cain and loves complex sibling dynamics)
of course gareth is the youngest, but generally it goes like this for me
gawain - eldest obviously. there's this line from alliterative morte that i'm really fond of that sums how i think of him really well
"like a berserker he fights in a frenzy for fierceness and heart; fights and cuts down all who stand before him and never did fortune so favor the brave"
++++++ eldest brother syndrome. eldest daughter syndrome, even. i think with having morgause as his mother + the death of lot he was put in the place of taking care of his younger siblings and tried his best to be the role model for them... i was always really fond of a teenage gawain taking care of an infant gareth while leading agravaine and gaheris as children to bed. he's super repressed and has a lot of angst... but i think one of his key traits is his devotion to his family (which of course includes arthur as well... who i think he found a paternal figure in, in the lack of emotional connection from morgause and lot's physical absence)
i think mordred came into the family later on but by then he'd be an adolescent and gawain would be fully integrated into the kotr which fuels his outsider syndrome tbh and the struggle w/ his family. i do think gawain really tried his best to reach out to him though because that's still his baby brother.... and it's one of the reasons why i like the idea of mordred killing gawain instead as opposed to lancelot haha i think it makes the betrayal 100x more agonzing and heartwrenching. plus the fact that they're family hits different for me. but anyways.....
agravaine - second eldest and has bad middle child syndrome, but i also read the wicked day by mary stewart when i was younger and it shaped my view of the orkneys a lot so i'm also fond of the idea of him being twins with gaheris... either goes though. i think agravaine is the second saddest in the orkneys apart from mordred, but for different reasons i think... there's a lot of bitterness in his heart. largely due to growing up with gawain's shadow over him i imagine
gaheris - either twins with agravaine or the ultimate middle child. surprisingly i don't have a lot of opinions on him ? i think. in my ditched retelling (different from lideri and closer to medieval arthuriana) he used to be really close with agravaine but they grew distant as they grew older. i liked making him an artist for some reason i think it's cute + i had the idea that he actually didn't die, he was the remaining orkney after the battle at camlann so he had to rule over orkney something he wasn't prepared for in the slightest
gareth is the youngest. i love making him the baby of the orkneys. i think gawain spoils him to death, i borrowed this from mary stewart again but i also like to think that he wasn't spoiled by not just gawain but also by morgause because of his likeness to her, though i don't think he's similar to her at all personality wise esp when he grows up. he has the image of a young awkward teenager to me haha and he struggles in his place amongst the orkneys. he also has a similar issue with gaheris wherein he feels at odds with his siblings esp their conflict bc the orkneys is dramaland. i don't know if you ever read the brothers karamazov but gareth for me is similar to alyosha where he acts as the glue for the orkneys, which is why when he dies gawain loses his shit
there's also clarissant... who i think is along the same ages as gareth and mordred. though i haven't thought much yet for her bc i only started thinking of her recently i like the idea of her being a lady knight though
and well.. there's mordred.... don't ask me i have a lot of opinions on that guy.
#cain.txt#SORRY THIS TURNED OUT TO BE SUCH A LONG NOVEL#i love the orkneys#i seriously need to design the orkneys in lideri but i haven't figured out what i want to do with them yet#oh bear in mind that my takes/opinions on arthurian characters is different from how i write them in my story haha#these are just my headcanons#i pretty much write gawain the same in lideri but he and mordred aren't directly related by blood but they're very much brothers
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
I need Seonwoo to figure out what HE wants because it’s so frustrating watching him constantly waffle when asked direct questions about his feelings and him not be able to articulate them in an understandable way at all. I understand they’re only in this house for like a week so I don’t expect everyone to immediately know who they like and stick with it, I’m fine with him and anyone else having feelings for multiple people. I also understand that there could be things lost in translation or cultural lenses I am not able to understand because I am not and do not speak Korean. But omg wow is it awkward to watch Seonwoo at this point. Again I feel like he’s insecure and such a people pleaser he’s not able to be direct unless someone basically forces him to be, and thus far no one that likes him has been able to force him to be direct. I feel like that’s the kind of person he needs, but I’m not sure Sungho or Yeonghee are that person, they try but never go far enough I think (side note: I always wonder if since Korea is such an age based society in their interactions and language, does that carry over into dating, like would Yeonghee be more comfortable pushing Seonwoo even more to be direct if they were the same age).
Yeonghee very clearly just wanted a yes or no answer about Seonwoo’s feelings, and he couldn’t even give him that. Same with talking about their age gap, Seonwoo says he doesn’t think he can overcome it (understandable) but then says he’s worried how other people would view it. I think that’s a valid concern for him, especially as he is someone who owns a business and therefore has to care about his image, but it’s interesting he seems more concerned with how others would view their age gap instead of how he himself feels about dating a 21/22 year old. I feel like what’s frustrating is I think Yeonghee could handle just being rejected. Maybe Seonwoo is afraid to hurt anyone’s feelings, or he didn’t want to talk about how he felt until the date was over, but if the latter is true he should’ve just said that. I feel like Yeonghee could handle that, or could even handle rejection, but the back and forth is confusing and frustrating and probably a little hurtful. Though I feel like Yeonghee is also close to giving up so who knows.
anon thank you for giving me the chance to rant about these two bc they’ve been on my mind non stop and me and my sister have been talking about them and their date any chance we get.
bc it’s just so interesting to me and yet I find it hard to dig into the intricacies of it bc my mind just gets stuck on how much I feel sorry for yonghee and want to comfort him. watching their date a second time esp after seeing all the others and having them fresh in my mind really put into perspective how much the vibes were just completely off. there was just no back and forth bc it felt like seonwoo wasn’t engaging with the date at all. it’s one thing to be shy, but we know seonwoo isn’t exactly shy, he’s one of the most outgoing people in the house, but still it might be different one on one in a date setting where there’s certain expectations and pressures that this means something, but doesn’t that just say it all. when he gets down to it, when he’s on a date and that means something, he can’t be that normal outgoing person. bc the whole time it feels like yonghee is in and engaged and trying to share his thoughts and feelings and he just gets met with a brick wall. seriously, go back and see how different it is, how seonwoo hardly ever asks him anything, how yonghee will talk despite seonwoo not prompting him too, and still seonwoo doesn’t engage in return, and when he asks if seonwoo has any questions, he literally turns it back on him, which infuriates me even more bc what’s the point in asking him anything when he doesn’t give a direct answer. it feels like they wasted this whole time where seonwoo should be exploring what his feelings are for yonghee and instead they’re just in the same place still. and the thing is, they didn’t even talk about normal date stuff. like where was the back and forth banter?? where were the talks about likes and dislikes, hobbies etc?? I feel like we just had this spiel from seonwoo at the start about how he feels being in the house, and then when they went to eat, it was all yonghee sharing his feelings and seonwoo giving nothing back. and I think this is my perfect example, when they were in his shop, and yonghee was talking about regrets while being on the show, and he says he has regrets, wishes he could’ve been better, more selfish, I can’t remember exactly what he says but something to that extent. and I think back to when he shared these insecurities and was vulnerable on his other dates with jungwook and hyungjin and how both of them comforted him, especially hyungjin with his age and where he is in life, and what that meant to him. and here, seonwoo just nods, says nothing, moves on. Idk if he was just too in his head about his stuff or just didn’t care, but to have someone be vulnerable and share doubts and not say anything, not give them any encouragement or comfort, that just rubs me the wrong way. I get he might be in his head but for god sake engage with the person in front of you. and it’s for that exact reason I need yonghee to see past that initial attraction and the surface level conversations with seonwoo and see that he’s had much better interactions with other people in the house and that they are options worth exploring. I get tunnel visioning, I mean junsung did it from day 1, but even if sungho never returned affection, he still engaged with him and they built up a relationship. I don’t see any of what yonghee has built with seonwoo, like what about that relationship is taking up all of yonghee’s focus?? what is it about seonwoo that has him so blinded??
and as for seonwoo’s feelings for yonghee… my sister had a good angle actually. she said it might touch a nerve for seonwoo to see yonghee, at his age, not only out, but so confident in how he is pursuing what he wants. similar to how I said he might feel that way watching junsung pursue sungho, wishing he could be that forward and confident with his own feelings, I think he doesn’t know what to do. bc he can’t be that confident in pursuing what he wants bc he doesn’t have that kind of faith in his own feelings, I feel like it takes him real time and consideration to figure out what he’s actually feeling, maybe bc he doubts his own feelings or has just never had to or had the chance to be that strong in trusting and pursuing his own feelings. and that might be why he can’t reconcile with the age gap. it’s not all out jealousy, but maybe he sees this kid out of the closet having this young adulthood he maybe never had a chance to have if he came out only recently. that, or I thought he just doesn’t know how to deal with the strength of yonghee’s feelings, maybe bc his age makes him feel like this is just some kid who’s feelings are strong bc he can afford to be reckless and go all in when he doesn’t have the same amount of relationship experience as others. and such, he feels like even if he was to indicate anything to yonghee, that might then give him too much, might make him come on stronger to the point it limits his chances with others, which I don’t think he wants bc he clearly enjoys exploring other options and wants to consider other people. the thing is, I can sit here theorising why why why until I’m blue in the face but I’ll never know, we’ll never know, yonghee will never know bc he just can’t articulate any of what’s going on in his head. and it aggravates me more and more bc his inability to communicate in a meaningful way is having more and more of an impact on more and more people in this house, and whatever is going on with you whatever, but I feel like there comes a point where you have to realise you have an effect on people, and therefore have a responsibility to communicate clearly for their sake. and the thing is, this behaviour doesn’t do him any favours, bc it makes me think is this just his personality or does he just love creating drama?? and maybe I wouldn’t feel so complicated about him if I had some clarity and could rule out his behaviour being just manipulation and game playing.
and let’s just say… my sister keeps saying that if yonghee and seonwoo did get together, their relationship would not be good, and it would probably change yonghee forever, but I’ll leave that headcanon for her
#thank you for letting me have my yonghee seonwoo rant anon#the only reason I’m glad they had this date is that now I can say with definite confidence that they don’t work and that yonghee should stop#trying bc it’s one thing for me to just not see chemistry or prefer yonghee with someone else#it’s another thing entirely to watch go on a date and have seonwoo just plainly not engage with him#it’s the fact that seonwoo is not prepared to meet him on any level I get that yonghee being forward might be a lot and you don’t have to#match that but give SOMETHINGGGGG#his man 2
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'll try to be brief and avoid rambling as I like to do lol.
So, I was on twitter for something else and then saw in my lil "what's happening" that "Tutsi" was trending and so it got my attention right away and so I clicked it and saw that it was #Kwibuka30. So then it kinda brought alot of thoughts that I've had for about the past week or so rush straight to the front of my brain.
Its #Kwibuka30, and its essentially a day of remembrance of the 1994 Genocide in Rwanda. Its a day that I don't particularly think about often but I think of that year and period as a whole more often. Its kinda two fold where as in the past I didn't know of it (the specific day not the cause) and now that I have actively chosen to learn, read and fully immerse myself in it vs. just listening to convos and stories through my family members. I'm also close to the end of a book "Do Not Disturb" by Michela Wrong that is focused on the murder of a former high ranking RPF (Rwandan Patriotic Front) member but for me touches on the subject of the things that contributed to and reaction of the '94 genocide. Other books I finished that also touch on the subject. With that I also am a smarter & more informed just based on who I was around and listening to and I'm older, better educated (more educated??) anyways. I saw all that to get to this bit that made me feel like putting this and these thoughts out (so I can come back to and see).
I was personally affected by the '94 genocide and my family as a whole was affected by it. My life would be completely different if what led to it and it happening never happened. So I feel a certain level of pain/hurt when I think of the number of uncles I never got to meet, or cousins I didn't get to know.. I feel for my mom who lost brothers, uncles, friends & my grandma who lost her kids, siblings, nieces/nephews, etc. So it does that to me and to those who I have no relation with I think of more now than then because no one deserves to lose their life like that esp. innocent people who knew nothing and were taken. Its political and a longstanding thing that folks were gonna get their lick back but damn. Knowing now what I know I think its important to clarify that if this were to ever be seen by a person who.. idk just wants to start something or call me or consider me a génocidaire (genocide denier... in french for a reason) for what I'm about to say.. its actually far from it.
I understand that #Kwibuka30 is more or less reserved for "commemoration of the 1994 Genocide Against the Tutsi" I believe its also important that families of innocent Hutus should also be taken into consideration and remembered. Because the bigger play here is fully political in how its handled but its inhumane (to me) to make people feel less than or not be allowed to openly mourn for there own because others who did something so horrific shared the same tribe and that means they don't deserve the same sympathy... fuck that because its not fair. So as I think about my family and everyone who was affected. God Bless to all the lost souls that died, survived and many who feel guilty for being around. I pray for yall & hope you find a second to mourn, celebrate and feel free even if its just for a second.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This takes me to Gaza & the Palestinian people because it was for them who made me relive things that happened more so when i was younger and knew nothing. I'm glad I was able to get off what I needed in the first part but this was more due to the images I was seeing. I feel for all those impacted by what's happening because at one point that was my reality, and I listen to the people in my family and close friends talk about the periods where we were on the move from refugee camp to refugee camp, walking for ages, just the blur of it all. Its brings you down but my mom and I have convos about it and I see why our bond is so strong and we struggled together to get to where we are. My dad too! Out there put in the frontlines and making it back to check on me or having his men guard where I laid my head in many cases. Owing the chance I got to my uncle who was also in the military like my dad and he & his wife protecting my mom and I and so many stories where God was there for me and mine. Lucky to make it out fr. So I see the images of kids eating, playing, in their parents arms and I feel and get a jolt of emotion that reminds me I was once just like them. So how its imperative to show love, give, pray and what I can to help. Life is unpredictable and my heart goes out to each and everyone impacted by it all.
Idk man.. I had to get that one off my chest and put it somewhere.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I know this may sound ridiculous, but my mom and sister (unintentionally) made me feel bad about my complexion. My mom is extremely fair skin but she’s 100% black. Yesterday, my family and I were looking at old family photos, which included baby/toddler/child pictures of me. (I eventually stopped looking bc I don’t like looking at pictures of myself. I am not confident about my appearance regardless of what age. Ik it sounds a bit extreme, but I have major self esteem issues.) Today, my mom and sister mentioned how much lighter I was as a child. I don’t have an issue w my complexion but they were making it sound bad that I got darker now that I’m an adult. I’ve experienced a lot of racial trauma from going to an all white middle and high school and I’ve dealt with a lot of insecurities but this just made it worse. I love my complexion but they made it sound like I became less feminine/cute/attractive over time once I got darker.
Genuinely makes my skin crawl to hear about or witness colorism like this. It’s even worse when the damage is inflicted by family (esp this casually). I’d argue that it feels even worse coming from Black family members who are women — bc while yes, a lot of it has to do w poor education or awareness on what is antiblack or colorist even within our own communities, I do genuinely wish Black mothers this applies to wouldn’t overlook how harmful it is. If your sister is similarly fair skinned like her, that makes it even weirder considering what they were projecting ab your complexion itfp. This doesn’t sound extreme at all to feel mistreated over; there was definitely colorism in the basis of their criticisms (it was also weird to insinuate that you looked “more appealing(?)” as a child too, as if you weren’t actively growing into your features, including the color of your skin).
Goodness, why make your own child feel inferior for their complexion tho? And why make it acceptable for another one of your children to chip in w the same antagonistic ignorance? That’s teaching & perpetuating both colorism & featurism right there at home. 🤦🏽♀️I think that this is a terrible normalcy & habit among Black People that is way more common than even we realize or are comfortable taking accountability for where it applies to us. Not among all Black communities or all Black households or all Black families, but there’s definitely enough of it in the mix to be prevalent. It’s fucked up when non blacks do this, absolutely; but I find it levels of disgusting when it comes from our own people. Esp other Black Women. Way too many Black men already subject us to these qualities of compromise to our self image & mental health. What in the fuck could you possibly gain from enhancing this kind of misogynoir stress for your Black daughter? I’m so sorry.
Whether your sister and mother realize it or not, they were out of place. What they were doing was inappropriate; almost mean-girlish. That wasn’t ok & im sorry you experienced that. Feeling wronged by it is valid as well. If you can, or when you’re comfortable if you’re able, you should tell them this. You should tell them how it made you feel, even though you’ve given them the benefit of the doubt w knowing it didn’t necessarily come from a place of sheer maliciousness. I’m sure they love you, & didn’t mean to hurt you. But they do need to know it’s harmful, bc we definitely don’t talk about this openly enough within Black culture.
#black tumblr#black twitter#misogynoir#antiblackness#protect black girls#protect black women#colorism#featurism#blm#black women#black girls#ask#anon
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wrote this short stuff on a whim because I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens' album, Carrie & Lowell.
The album talks about Sufjan's own journey to understanding his grief towards his late mother, Carrie, who died from cancer. The first song, Death with Dignity, is actually about Sufjan finally accepting her loss and I like to wonder how Ruka's death affected Kyoujurou in a similar way.
Spirit of my silence, I can hear you
But I’m afraid to be near you
And I don’t know where to begin
This very strong and diligent boy can't even cry and doesn't have time to settle for a bit. Silence is a time of reflection and I feel Kyoujurou must have a lot of struggle with it. He is constantly trying to be better and is continually perfecting his Flame Breathing techniques, he has no time to mull or ruminate despite being so wise for his age. He was so wise even Tanjirou carried his words and actions when he started to doubt himself.
"...you may feel like digging your heels in, but the flow of time waits for no one. It won't patiently stand by as you grieve."
At the same time, demon activity doesn't stop waiting for him to grieve either. He has also been reminded of the times he lost a comrade while demon slaying.
"Death comes after the friends you shared a laugh with."
Somewhere in the desert, there’s a forest
And an acre before us
This verse reminded me of Kyoujurou's spiritual realm. A barren wasteland filled with nothing but heat and smoke. But during his last time, the smile he gave when seeing his mother reflected the hidden acre or forest filled with peacefulness. Despite everything he experienced in his life including his mother's death, there's still a silver lining to it and he's forever a grateful and accepting guy.
Well, I suppose a friend is a friend
And we all know how this will end
Unlike Sufjan, we don't know how Ruka died, just that she had been very weak. But cancer was known to be an Old man's friend and it reminded me of how Ruka had accepted her death long before she passed. It hurts her just as much to leave but neither of them could do anything about it and they both knew how it would end.
What is that song you sing for the dead?
I see the signal searchlight strike me in the window of my room
Well, I got nothing to prove
Kyoujurou's lack of "change" towards Ruka's death was him knowing that whatever song he would sing to the dead, wouldn't bring his mother back.
In my fic, I wrote about how Kyoujurou was slowly becoming very ambitious toward his goal, esp since despite everything it is still difficult to reach the top and it made him slightly agitated.
After all, that was also his mother's legacy. But as he calmed and came back to his senses he realized that it was fine to become a Hashira at his own pace. It was because his mom already believed in and he truly didn't have anything to "prove".
I forgive you, mother, I can hear you (I can hear you)
And I long to be near you (And I long to be near you)
But every road leads to an end
Yes, every road leads to an end
Sufjan had only seen his mother three summers in Oregon. After that, he barely interacted with her until she passed due to cancer. There are other songs in the album that referenced this, like in Should Have Known Better, he said
I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
That he regretted not telling his mom who was always away from him, how he truly feel. I can see how it relates to Kyoujurou who also barely had time to interact with Ruka as she died when he and Senjurou were at a very young age.
Your apparition passes through me in the willows
My fic told about how he still longed to be with her. The flower corner that I referred to, the sweet-smelling altar, was his mother's last trace and I actually used the word "apparition" in the fic because of that song and personify the flower corner to give that ghostlike image.
ap·pa·ri·tion (noun)
a ghost or ghostlike image of a person
.
There are also other songs in the album that can apply to the Rengokus' in general. This family is just riddled with grief.
We're all gonna die
was the verse that kept being repeated in the song Fourth of July and really emphasize the despair and anguish.
The evil it spread like a fever ahead
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?
The song Fourth of July feels like a back-and-forth conversation between Shinjurou to Ruka, Ruka to Kyoujurou, and Shinjurou or Senjurou to Kyoujurou. Both Ruka and Kyoujurou fought their own battles and died in the end. But at the same time from this next part, we could see how these deaths matter to the family.
Did you get enough love, my little dove
Why do you cry?
And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best
Though it never felt right
My little Versailles
This part also feels like what Ruka would say to her boys but at the same time, it could be said by Kyoujurou to Senjurou and Shinjurou who finally sober up after Kyoujurou died, and the fact that it became a catalyst to Tanjirou's personal development.
The hospital asked should the body be cast
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?
This is Shinjurou to Ruka or Kyoujurou. I feel so bad for Shinjurou because even before Ruka's death he had been feeling inadequate about his own ability as a Flame Hashira. His comrades die during battle and this battle that went on for centuries seemed to be never-ending. I feel even if he did get Ruka's warning that she was about to die, he would never be ready. He could never say goodbye until it was too late.
Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light
This reminded me of Kyoujurou's last message to Shinjurou and Senjurou,
"Please take care of your body."
It is such a simple message but knowing their story, it holds so much weight. Shinjurou has been struggling with alcoholism and despite what he said, "He's only going to blame me for it!" Kyoujurou still only wished for his father's health.
You could also see the resemblance between the characters' traits. All the animals mentioned were of flight. They symbolize freedom and soaring dreams. The Rengokus had passed down the legacy of being the only Flame Hashira and it is such a huge responsibility. At the same time, there's the privilege of being in a wealthy and prodigy family, thus the flying references.
It is very fitting for Ruka to call Kyoujurou her little Versailles as he has an abundance of potential and knowledge and he's in a way a living embodiment of the Rengoku Family history.
A littl bonus:
The verse, "Shall we look at the moon, my little loon?" is so intriguing to me as aside from keeping the rhyme and bird/flight animal motif, a loon can also mean a crazy person.
Which reminded me of the story of Icarus. I don't think Sufjan was making an ironic nudge to that story. Despite the whole sun vs moon thing (Icarus flew too close to the sun and died) and the flying reference.
(Imagine telling Icarus to look at the moon as it will not melt his wings like the sun did looool)
The story of Icarus is known to be about hubris or "excessive pride" but at the same time, I feel it's kinda bleak. You can't really blame Icarus for wanting to escape such a hellish place, and it cost him his death as he heeds no warning from his father.
In a way, Shinjurou's discouragement serves as a warning for Kyoujurou to stop demon slaying. But at the same time, he gave no good reason for Kyoujurou to do so. Though I don't think Kyoujurou fears being his father if he ever stops demon slaying. He also never once pushes Senjurou to do better and lets him decide his future for himself instead of demanding that Senjurou become his tsuguko. But I do think that Kyoujurou knew deep down he was their last resort.
In fact, Kyoujurou was adamant that the only way to bring his father back to life was for him to become a Hashira. Yet it cost him his life.
But is it foolish to be confident that you can fly high enough you can still survive without melting your wings? Is it lunatic to think that you're your family's last hope?
Kyoujurou's death is a butterfly effect.
Sooo yeah, I recommend listening to these songs or the album, and happy Purgatory Countdown.
#kmtvillage#Spotify#the Rengoku Family#kny meta#Rengoku Kyoujurou#tw death#tw grief#Suifjan Stevens#rntnvillage#if you squint#Purgatory countdown
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
Why did Lyonel allowed the affair between Harwin and Rhaenyra to go on for so long? After Jace came out looking like that why didn't he just sent Harwin back to Harrenhal and found him a wife? I know it was for plot reasons but the conversation they have in episode 6 feels like something that would have happend sooner imo.
this is something i've wondered a lot myself tbh but i don't know if i've reached a conclusion i'm satisfied with. like you i also think that conversation was LONG overdue. it's something lyonel should've said way before dark haired baby #3. here it is: lyonel did not know for sure until the fight that harwin was the father. let me walk you thru it.
i'm going to be a bit lenient here and say that when jace was born nobody raised many suspicions. he must have born more or less a year after the wedding, going by his age in ep 6, so most people must have thought he was conceived during the wedding night. like in the books, the dark hair could've been attributed to laenor's baratheon heritage or rhaenyra's arryn family. a coincidence. i don't think people were pointing fingers yet nor alicent had a full-fledged gossip campaign yet. i also don't think rhaenyra let many people into her circle to gawp at the baby (i know the show forgot but i didn't forget rhaenyra's complicated relationship to motherhood!!) or strolled with him in her arms for people to see (i hc she didn't see much of jace either and was pretty hands off at first). this + the voluntary concealment of the baby that most probably was born with dark hair could have meant lyonel didn't see jace much nor much of his appearance was talked about.
luke is born around two years after jace when rhaenyra is in a much better place mentally. by this time, when luke is presented at court lyonel must have inspected and connected some dots. i don't think he /really/ thought it was harwin, only that another dark haired baby was unlikely to come from two silver haired people. so maybe rhaenyra was cheating on laenor but with whom? and what would the velaryons do about it? alicent must have thought along these lines too and establish the rumor of the paternity of the children. two is too much of a coincidence.
now, if the show had the same timeline as the book and joffrey was born two or three years later i would say it actually makes sense with lyonel's conversation with harwin. he finally learned the truth when harwin reacted so violently to criston's trash talk, harwin never reacts like that if someone is insulting /him/ but his family is another thing. BUT the show has this absurd age gap between luke and joff. i honestly don't think that after seeing harwin day in and day out behind the princess and guarding the children when they could be on their own that lyonel would not connect even more dots. esp if the greens were already throwing harwin under the bus. there must have been a moment where he thought "well, what if?".
just...for seven years he didn't say anything. it's weird. the reason i'm thinking could be that he simply didn't want to accept it (like tywin about the twincest). to lyonel, harwin is the perfect son and the one who would realize all of lyonel's ambitions maybe he didn't want to marr his son's image when all he had left after harwin was just larys. the actual reason you said it above! it's for plot reasons. the strongs had to have a conversation where it'd be clear why they are going back to harrenhal for larys to kill. but it's a bit frustrating the watsonian answer is so vague and rests on lyonel being delusional when to me he's very pragmatic and sensible. i guess he loved harwin too much to do what was right, or to draw attention to an issue that could very well kill harwin and brought the family low like ser lucamore the lusty did some decades before.
i've said before that when joff is born and harwin fights criston, lyonel understands their time is running out. i think he does all he can to save both harwin's life and the family reputation. there's nothing he can do for the children, but he at least can begin to put out the flames by leaving harwin away from court and resign in a years time or until he could find a real excuse for viserys. it's the first time he's seen harwin as less than perfect and it's understandable he wouldn't want to bring up the issue before, even to the detriment of the real. to me, it's the first time lyonel's put his family before the house's standing.
#ask#Anonymous#lyonel strong#harwin strong#house strong#i made myself sad :(#as for why he didn't find harwin a wife i think harwin must have been giving him excuses for years about his job in the gold cloaks#about wanting fame and money or something before settling down#let the boy sow his wild oats! like lyonel did when he was young!
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Sarah. The song YOYOK has a section where she’s saying she took a taxi to go after her dreams and the entire song is about how she’s been on her own since the beginning … I don’t get this at all. Her mom drove her to all the record labels and both parents have been by her side for literally everything. I like the song for the most part but that just hits me wrong. How do you see this?
I think it's important to note that even in songs as diaristic and laden with personal details, as Taylor's songwriting often is, that songs are still art - and creative license is a thing.
That said, I think the point is that despite having a really fantastic support system (that I know was/is pivotal to her being the relatively sane and grounded person she is - esp given her industry) that you can have all that and still feel alone. You can still feel like the weight of your world is solely on your shoulders. You can still feel the crushing responsibility and terror of huge life choices. Especially when you're just a kid! She was making astronomical life choices at such a young age. Were her parents by her side and helpful in any way they could? Of course.
But do her parents know the way that she does the crushing expectations of fame and did they have to personally shoulder the full ramifications of her image and her dreams and what it felt like to be publicly brought to the gallows and her entire life story made fun of as a collective joke to the masses? That's something her parents could try to be a supportive and a listening ear for but do her parents understand how to navigate this industry and this landscape? Were they prepared for the violent building up and tearing down cyclical nature of celebrity? Of course not.
It isn't about not having support, it's about feeling like you have to do everything on your own and this incredibly unique set of circumstances means no one else could possibly understand. Not really. Not fully.
#idk maybe it's the only child in me but i just deeply relate to this sense of 'i have to be emotionally responsible for myself'#'you are going to have to figure out how to navigate this on your own'#it's about self taught resilience and trial by fire
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
last night i watched the glass slipper (1955) with leslie caron and while i wouldn't necessarily call it like a Good Movie i believe deep down it had potential to be one.
i really liked a lot of the creative decisions they made like not making the step-mother and the step-sisters physically "ugly" bc i think the idea of beauty = good and ugly = evil is so pervasive esp in fairy tales, the fairy godmother is an old "spinster" who becomes cinderlla's first friend and confidant which i thought was really lovely, i really loved cinderella's like peasant girl outfits which had this sort of gathered hem on one side of the skirt and like every one of her ordinary outfits were styled almost the same way which i thought was really neat
another thing is that cinderella sort of has vague fantasies of living in the palace but are really framed as sort of unproductive escapism because she is trying to imagine herself outside of her poor circumstances but she doesn't really Know what that would look like. and there's this charming sequence of her imagining herself sitting on a throne in her dirty cinder-stained rags and at first she's really pleased with this until she becomes bored- so she tries to further push into the fantasy and imagines herself in a nice fancy outfit- which is the same garment as her original outfit just in better fabric but she then again becomes bored with her fantasy as she is sitting on her throne with nothing to do- so she starts investigating her throne and these huge velvet curtains with ornate fringe until she accidentally pulls the whole thing down and her daydream collapses along with her throne. there's sort of this whole idea of her trying to rebel against the looming inevitability of giving into her step-family's treatment of her, but she doesn't have anyone who would support her so she lashes out in sort of childish and petty ways and daydreams all day because she doesn't have any other outlet and can't fully visualize life outside her servitude to her family.
^ the throne sequence. i can't find an image of it but this one has my favorite outfit which is basically the same as the above image but her skirt is a really pretty blue and has rhinestone embellishments.
the prince....i'm conflicted about. they meet before their dance at the ball, at this pond in the forest where he pretends to be the son of the palace cook and they build a report with each other and it would be quite cute if he wasn't like literally 20 years older than her. like that casting decision really gives a weird paternalistic vibe to all their scenes together and its not even like the age difference is played up in the movie it just is like a weirdly stark contrast the movie tries to ignore?? there's a great ballet sequence though where cinderella is fantasizing about the prince- but as a a palace cook, bc again he lies and says he's the son of the palace cook, which is cute. she like daydreams of them cooking together and at one point she gets "crowned" with a chef's hat like its very good i just wish the prince role went to someone closer to the actress' own age...
^second favorite cinderella dress, and my favorite sequence in the movie. (i'm not the biggest fan of the striped underskirt i kind of which it was more of a frilled petticoat but the dress does look beautiful in motion). i really love the ballet here it's really fun and silly.
i did start to get bored during the ball scene though and i think when you contrast the ballgown to the rest of cinderella's wardrobe it's sort of boring?? like it's weird though because the dress itself is really dramatic- it has a huge hoop skirt and roses everywhere all the lace and trim etc. but it's also like pale pastel pink and i mean it's Pretty it's Pleasant but that's all i have to say about it. i honestly got bored at the end and stopped paying attention after this but there's like a final dramatic ballet where cinderella has a nightmare the prince will marry a Egyptian Princess (she get's mistaken as and Egyptian princess at the ball...for presumably her dark hair?????? idk about this one guys. seems like a weird orientalist decision to me).
^^ ballgown. like yes it's pretty but i have really nothing more to say. actually this wouldn't have been a bad look for belle in that live-action remake of disney's beauty and the beast which unfortunately every time i remember the dress that was in that movie, i do get psychic damage.
all in all i really liked the characterization of cinderella, the ballet sequences, and sort of the attempt to build an actual Dynamic for cinderella and the prince as well as a few more smaller character moments and choices for mrs. toquet (the godmother) and the step-family. i think it would have been interesting to expand more on cinderella's evolving dreams and fantasies, maybe beyond just her desire to escape servitude and love for the prince- like i know its just a fairytale and like monarchism bla bla fuedalism this and that but to see cinderella's character become more interested in bettering the other impoverished people of her community- or rejecting the crown altogether. like idk there's a more interesting choice to be made than for her to marry the prince and become a wealthy princess and then have the end credits role but it's not like i Expected that to happen LMAO. i just like to think about different creative decisions you could make when adapting fairytales...
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
do you think the "ships" among kpop groups real or deliberate? for instance i watch a lot of ateez and as sweet as they are i sometimes get the feeling a lot of its put on for the camera, even down to the way the members act sexy with one another. like they cant act their normal selves and have to form shipmates with someone so their group will draw more fans in esp the delulus who "ship" them romantically. do you think the members actually like it or are annoyed by it? same with aegyo that they constantly have to do? imho its not particularly attractive like yes its sweet to see a guy in a boy group act sweet with another member or do aegyo for the fans but are they going to be doing it in their 30s? lol. yet the clips i have seen seem real but have the feeling like theyre not always an actual couple if that makes sense just something for the fans to latch onto and or fantasise about.
Ships and stuff like that are 90% media play, they might be idols that happen to be particularly close, but they know what fans like and try to push things in that direction. Those who do it, do it because they want to imo. Why do I think this? Because the idols who dislike it, don't join it as often or don't join it at all.
Think of Key and Minho, 15 years in their career and still going strong with their married couple antics. Do you think they wouldn't have stopped at this point if they wanted to? Them acting like that doesn't imply that they aren't close or that they are liars, on the contrary I think it actually proves that they're close and comfy enough with each other to be able to act like that on camera, but, at the same time, it's hard to believe they are always like that in their daily life.
The same goes for aegyo. Some idols do it often because they want to, there's no way a 30yo, ten years in their career, can still be manipulated by their company or forced by them. They do it because it's funny and they know fans think it's fun. It's more of a cultural thing I guess and aegyo exists in every form of entertainment in SK, not only for idols and it doesn't really have an age limit (they ask even foreign actors to do aegyo poses while they take pictures lmao). Again, I think it highly depends on each person, if they want to do it, they do it, if they don't want to do it, they won't do it.
It's probably another story for rookies or nugu groups where attracting the attention as much as possible is very important and companies tend to push certain roles into their idols (think of Jeongyeon being the girl crush at debut, she dropped that image because she wasn't comfy which shows that idols can abandon certain media play moves if they want to).
It's all fun I think, as long as fans are able to distinguish fanservice from reality (which they often aren't able to, to be fair).
If by "real", you meant them dating then again my impression is that no, they're not lmao First of all, dating a coworker is a very stupid choice. Second, they live in a highly conservative country, it would be a huge scandal and it would probably ruin their (and the group's) career. Third, assuming some were actually dating, personally I'd try my best not to make it obvious, so I would never appear all flirty on camera. Then yes, some might look extra sussy, but it's safer to assume they're friends trying to entertain, rather than thinking they're dating.
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
ok but what would a fancomic of yours have?
God where do I even begin...
More streamline ghost lore, mix of popular fanon and personal interpretations. Most hated part of canon DP for me is how they quickly drop concepts as soon as theyre introduced or really explain establish concepts much at all, which is funny when the fandom later became 75% speculating worldbuilding
Developing characters more. Mix of characters who didn't get a proper arc in canon (similar to what the graphic novels are doing), and characters who should be given at least a bit more depth
Character relationships, ie strengthening pre-existing relationships (platonic, romantic, rivalry, etc) and exploring relationships with characters who are never/barely seen interacting in canon (again, all of the 'tics)
Episode rewrites, theres only a handful of episodes I have a grudge with so this wont be too common...I already wanna redo the entirety of "Splitting Images" since its a mid episode and they fumbled the lesson in my opinion. Others may be more minor, such as changing Dark Dan's backstory to be less comedically cruel? (I get its a butterfly effect thing but, jesus christ. Of course a fast food chain has explosive sauce that goes off when its HEATED?)
More rep, DP was surprisingly pretty diverse for a Butch Hartman show, but it was also 2004 so things can always improve- esp with the inclusion of queer rep which will hopefully make Butch age an extra 30 years
A slightly edgier tone, not TOO adult mind you...maybe at the same level as Fionna and Cake which had some minor swearing and darker subjects that didn't feel too much like a tonal whiplash- oh and blood <3
A focus on solution outside of violence, which is a funny thing to type after discussing blood and dark themes, but I wanna match what AGIT established with pushing Danny more towards friendships and peaceful resolves as an alternative to fighting in certain situations.
This list is long enough but if I get any more ideas (or someone with a bigger brain than me throws me a bone) I might add to this...again none of this is set in stone and who knows if I'll end up going through with this but! Shrugs
#long post#danny phantom#dp reboot/comic thing?#Also I might make it more of an anthology series than trying to shoehorn a long ongoing plot#a collection of micro stories sounds more manageable
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's funny, i was thinking the other day how weird it is that middle school was 20 years ago for me, that sounds fake even though i Am 30, and middle school 5th grade would have been 20 years ago exactly. it's just not a time scale i'm used to! it's interesting.
and going to college late makes it more so. esp because the public schools in my area have a program for high school students to take some free college courses, so sometimes i hear from teens in my online classes. i'm sure i've talked about stuff like "omg i had to explain to my 18 year old coworker what dial up internet is that's so weird!"
but nothing. nothing could have prepared me for what i've just read. this... growth of technology is unfathomable to me. "our computers growing up had dial up if anything"the internet" was not for the mainstream middle class until the early 2000s, iirc. our windows 98 computers were used for games on cd-rom almost exclusively, maybe aol off a cd as i got older. i think we got our first home computer in 2004, so middle school, and it was so i could use a word processor to type my essays instead of hand-writing them.
you cannot, i tell you, imagine my feelings upon reading a sentence such as this:
"I have been doing online school since I was in 3rd grade,"
i think to myself, 'this cannot be right. i know they had online school before 2020. but 3rd grade? this kid was online in 3rd grade? not just online but doing SCHOOL? what grade is he now?? he can't be a senior, he must still be younger than that. what, 10th grade or something? even then...'
well, 7 years ago is 2016. if he's in 10th grade, he could very much have done 3rd grade online in 2016.
fear. fear stikes deep in my heart at this. even if he is a senior, online school existed in 2014. it wasn't common, but it was something i considered in 2010 and onwards. so.
so.
i am left aware of a gap, a dazzling and terrifying gap between me and the people born just a decade after me. i grew up without internet. offline. utterly. it existed, sure, but that was for people who could afford it and what was the point? what was on the computer that could be that cool? of course i was envious. and i still explored the transitioning 2.0 web of young social media.
they... were born into it. their baby pictures aren't all in an album in someone's basement, they're on fb and google and. they never had... the option to ignore it. the adverts. the infinite loops. the rabbit holes. they never lived in a world where that "internet stuff" was new and a little weird to care so much about. the assumption of sharing anything digitally is baked in. the assumption that online means infinite user-generated content.
i don't think... i don't necessarily think online is bad, edison was a witch, technology phones eat brains bah humbug. it's. just very. humbling, i guess, to realize how vastly different my experiences are from theirs and. to have the perspective of having lived a little in the before world, and lived in the transitions. and. to realize that i am... still growing and aging and new people, entirely new people, are growing and learning and, in a way, in my place. in terms of not knowing the histories and the social norms that have changed. and that i only know how little i know! and... that i can only image how overconfident i was as a kid in how much i knew, and yet... i was sure of those assumptions because everything changed so fast and i hadn't seen firsthand how different things could be from one decade to another.
and the concept of 'one decade to another' is... another thing that only beings to have a sense-making context now. some things, patterns, are only... not only, but easier to see, by far, from that point of view.
when i was a kid i remember every day feeling like it's own chapter. a week was forever, so many things could happen! and i was right, and i was able to notice all those things because each one of them was a first, was The Most Important Social Thing to happen for me! at that point in my life, those very small friendships were the most intense personal relationships with chosen people i'd ever had.
now whole months go by. things happen. i notice them, somewhat, but differently. so and so is doing that again. this person is going through that thing, but i dealt with that myself oh years back, so i know how it is. awesome new milestone! i have a lot more progress to look back on, so i'm able to see it in context. it's... i guess i'd be lying to say it didn't seem a little less exciting, but it's also... i'm able to enjoy it more. i feel less like a fake. it's not a fluke, it's the 20th milestone, there must be something to this. it's a little more intrinsically rewarding, and i can pat myself on the back more and mean it. but it is... less exciting, for that reason. i don't feel like i'm getting away with something, as much, any more.
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
pizzano-the-paisano-and-pizzelle
HEY PAISANOS!!!!
forexdicussion
Untitled
thebest1000sup
The Best & the Hottest
brineslimetime
slime
snorindevices233-blog
Snoring Devices